Trash bags and women

I've heard in the past that hosts would turn away AA people and I never knew why. I don't see it that way. Out of 12 years of hosting, I had an AA family of 5 guests (2 were kids) for 5 days over Mother's Day weekend. Things seemed to be ok. I did notice they were not from the best part of Texas (Killeen area), but paid no attention. I went out of town after a couple of days they were there to celebrate mother's day and lo and behold... All hell breaks loose when I left. They threw a small party, called the cops on each other (against the baby daddy) and had uninvited guests over. When I came home from my Mother Day's trip, my neighbor came over and told me and then I saw all the drama unfold on my Ring cams with 2 cops at my house and the uninvited guests and cars arriving. They left 3 trash bins full of garbage. They stole my Costco roll of garbage bags, new bag of detergent and lord knows what else. They even rented my Turo car and didn't replenish the gas. They were ghetto and trash and I let my guard down only to be let down.
Last night I was full of anxiety as that baby daddy was trying to get into the rented house but I took some sleeping pills and just waited in the morning as they were going to leave. I'm just venting that as a society, we try not to stereotype, but here I am... Wondering if I should have turned them away.

I’ve been re-watching episodes where Dr Bailey started out as a mousey intern, full of shyness, and severely lacking confidence, and became the powerhouse that she evolved into when she initially taught each of the original five.
Bailey loved each of the original five as her own children, that’s why she gets so frustrated when Meredith puts herself in these kind of situations. It’s a mother’s frustration, a mother’s love.
Lets examine Bailey over the entire series run.
She loved each of original five as if they were her own children, and thats why she gets so frustrated when Meredith does something to put herself in these kinds of situations. Its a mothers love…is it not?
I mentioned Meredith’s trial as an example yesterday, and i re-watched it closely and revised my opinion.
She knew as far back as season 3 that Meredith was a pain in her side. Remember the panties on the bulletin board?
Remember her being protective of Meredith and laying into McDreamy when he caught them in a parked car?
She also knew that Meredith had the makings of an excellent surgeon. She knew that Meredith had to go through the refiners fire.
Heres a transcript of her speech.
Dr. Bailey: 'Ever since I first met Meredith Grey I knew she was going to be a thorn in my side. You're worried about her breaking rules? Well, that's not gonna stop. She's been doing that since day one.
And, yes, she broke a law to save a life. So she deserved to lose her job. She deserves to pick up trash. No one should be questioning her license.
She's too good at what she does. And she's worked too hard to get to where she is. And with all that she has survived, it hasn't made her hard. It hasn't made her mean or cold. It hasn't made her not care.
It's made her better. It's made her better than anyone in this room. Well, except me. I'm Dr. Miranda Bailey, chief of surgery at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, and I approve this message.'
—————— my reasoning of Dr. Bailey at the hearing————
Bailey doesn’t try to lessen what Meredith has done. She doesn’t try to get her off the hook. She explains why Meredith is such a good surgeon and states that everything she’s been through has made her an even better doctor.
Meredith may make some interesting choices, and some of them may drive Dr. Bailey up the walls, just like children often do. But given their relationship, Dr. Bailey hated Meredith’s actions, but not Meredith herself.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone you loved and cared about did something you you hated and didnt approve of? Did you hate them for it or did you hate *what they did* but not themselves?
You can hate what someone does without hating the person themselves. That is what I believe Bailey has done. In the beginning of the series, she was billed as a not-see (not typing it out)
This was Dr Bailey’s first speech to the interns in S1E1
"I have five rules, memorize them,” she told the interns. “Rule number don't bother sucking up, I already hate you, that's not gonna change, trauma protocol…nurses will page you, you will answer every page at a run. A run, that’s rule number two.”
“Your first shift starts now and lasts 48 hours. You’re interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain,” she continued.
“You run labs, write orders, work every second until you drop and don’t complain. On-call rooms, Attendings hog them, sleep when you can where you can, which brings me to rule number three if I’m sleeping, don’t wake me unless your patient is actually dying."
“Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when I get there, then not only would you have killed someone, you would have woke me for no good reason, we clear?”
She was responsible for turning out excellent surgeons.
You dont go easy on them and expect them to thrive and survive. You go hard on them. But you want them to succeed.
Otherwise you are just wasting your time, your resources, and the lives of the patients that they lost.
In the current season, Dr Bailey is back, doing what she did in the beginning, but this time she has 20 years experience.
We’ve seen Miranda go soft on people during the series and we’ve seen that doesn't turn out very well. Remember what BCB is an acronym for? What surgeons need is tough love. What surgeons need is someone to inspire them.
Bailey may be straightforward, tough, and full of wit and wisdom. Without a doubt, she is a really good physician and an independent one at that. However that independence has cost her personal relationships such as Ben.
She hated that Ben became a firefighter and is how in a very perilous environment day after day, but she doesn’t hate the guy.
If anything, Miranda has become more compassionate and more open hearted…not hateful
Not too long ago, Miranda started a women’s clinic at the hospital and as a result of her hard work in the face of adversity from the pro-lifers, she wins the esteemed Catherine Fox Award.
How can you do something like that while spreading hate throughout the hospital? You cant.

So tomorrow morning is trash day. I was walking my dog and she did her business. In my neighborhood some already have their trash cans already out along the street. Also noting that I’m decently far away from my home and or another trash bin.
Is it wrong to through away a closed doggie bag in their trash bin knowing it will be gone tomorrow?

I (35F) want to leave my abusive husband (32M combat veteran) so badly but I don't know the best way to do it. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm begging for help, insight, any reassurance...
He says he used to have major anger issues but I never thought he would take them out on me. He has PTSD and a traumatic brain injury which makes his moods unpredictable.
I talked to his ex two days ago and she said he shoved her once, put his hands around her neck during a flashback, and also had a gun pointed at her during a flashback. He said they were engaged but she insisted they never were. She also said he was supposed to pick her up from the airport one time but he texted back saying he couldn't, because he wasn't sure if he was going to do something bad to her.
His abuse started when we moved in together while we were still engaged. I found out he had been on Onlyfans at the beginning of our relationship and just shortly before we got married... I was angry but I downplayed it and thought I could get over it. All it did was cause massive trust issues that have never healed and never will. He was subscribed to one of his exes and he also messaged one of the girls asking to meet just shortly after I stayed the week at his place for my birthday.
I spiraled mentally once the anger phase passed (severe depression and anxiety) and told him what I saw. He tried to deny it but when I said I knew his "pictures" he caved and said he wished I never told him and punched the headboard of our bed. He's my only source of comfort so I went to him countless times telling him I was still struggling with my trust issues and worried about whether he was still looking at other women, because he is subscribed to tons of women like that on Instagram and Tiktok. I started snooping looking for any evidence I could get so I could finally convince myself to leave him.
Everytime I confronted him about what I saw he made excuses and flew into a rage at me for snooping, screamed in my face, threw objects and furniture around (including our wedding rings and he broke my engagement ring in the process), punched walls, threatened divorce, demanded me to leave, or walked out without saying where he was going which made me call the police one time to look for him. I blamed myself because I was the one snooping and I told myself how would I feel if my partner constantly snooped on me? I blamed myself for everything and still kind of do. But he says it's his fault I'm like this and he just has to deal with the consequences.
Other times he says he has changed and it's my fault for getting in my head all the time, that my lack of trust is always so hard on him, and that my depression and anxiety are constantly dragging him down even though he says he's doing everything right to make me feel better. When I come to him to talk he usually sighs or treats it like a chore.
He says he beats himself up everyday for what he did and has apologized multiple times. But I never see any true regret. He told me "everybody else gets over their problems, why can't you?" He says he went through so much worse in the military than I have ever gone through and he got over his problems, so why can't I? That I need to "unfuck" myself and "everybody has depression."
One day when he came home I was feeling very low but he was in a bad mood already and he came at me, screaming that he's getting tired of me always being down and threatened divorce. I asked if he hated me and he looked at me and said in a really frightening way "if I hated you you'd be dead." That crushed me. Another time I got mad and said I was this way because of what he did to break my trust and he screamed at me multiple times to STFU, "waaah waaah waaaah you're always a Debbie downer" and threw in my face "you have no friends." He said he was done with the marriage but I talked him into staying because he has me so convinced the problem is me.
Other things... rough/forceful/demeaning sex... always saying "fuck you baby" in a cutesy way as a way to interact when we're doing our own things separately... slamming a controller down on my knee accidentally because he flew into a rage over losing a game... continuing to yell and saying he wasn't allowed to express anger even when I said it was scaring me... telling me once "I don't THINK I'd ever hurt you" (physically)... almost never helping with house chores and shopping... using me for money even though he makes more than I do with his disability payments... insulting my mother who helps us financially... trying to kick my cat one night when he couldn't sleep.
He's always so mean and critical of complete strangers when we go out and he acts like a macho narcissist who has everything figured out and he knows the right way about everything, like someone who is super opinionated to an obnoxious extent.
There's more but this is the worst of it all.
I read Lundy Bancroft's book asking myself if he's really that bad because 90% of the time he's good and loving. I know what I'm involved in and I know how much I've trauma bonded with him. But I've reached the point where I wake up every day in panic and despair knowing I'm still here and I want to get out. I already tried to leave before with a go bag and my cat but he talked me back. Some days I still try to convince myself the good times are worth staying for because I'm exhausted and I just want a good day for once. I've been miserable for months but I'm a pressure cooker now just waiting to blow. I'm falling apart.
I know I'm going to talk to a divorce lawyer and at least see if I have a case to have him evicted through a PFA. In that case he would be moving back in with his dad but he'd be close by. I could get the locks changed but I wouldn't put it past him to stalk me and try to hurt me (PFA or not -- he is suicidal anyway and has a lot of contempt for laws and the police), vandalize my car, or try to break into the apartment to hurt me or my cat. I don't even know if I would still be happy here where all these bad memories happened. And I wouldn't feel safe for myself or my cat everytime if I left the apartment.
The only other option is moving back in with my alcoholic narcissistic mother (my abusive alcoholic scizophrenic brother lives with her too) who doesn't know how to provide emotional support and hasn't been supportive at all throughout this marriage except financially. I would have to live in her garage, trust her not to let my cat loose if I go out, and make multiple trips back to my abusive husband still in the apartment to get all my belongings and furniture. He doesn't work, he's on school break now for summer so he's always here. I know I can get a police escort but they're not going to wait around for me to pack up the entire place. Almost everything is mine.
My husband might even just volunteer to leave and move back in with his dad like he has done before. I might not even need a PFA. I'm more afraid he'll try to hurt me if I actually get one versus if he just left by himself. I also don't know if he would offer to leave then just try to come back and hurt me before I could get the locks changed. The landlords constantly ignore the residents so I'd have to wait days or weeks for a lock change. Our lease ends next March.
I don't know what to do. All I want is to be by myself again with my cat in a safe place and it seems like no place and no escape plan I can come up with is entirely safe or secure. I'm at a loss but I can't keep living like this.

Hi guys. I want to buy a sleeping mat and I have narrowed it down to two options. I can buy a Thermarest Trail Scout at AUD$155 or go for the Prolite Plus Womens at AUD$255.
I intend this for Australian winter use, car camping and hiking w/pack, most likely from 10C down to just above 0C. My sleeping bag is comfort rated to around 4C. I sleep cold so I usually just put my jacket on. I currently have a cheap Denali sleeping mat which just doesn't cut it. One advantage to the cheaper Scout is that I can also afford a thermal liner for the sleeping bag as well, although I think that with a better sleeping mat I'll sleep warmer anyway.
I've always had fairly cheap gear (spend my teenage years sleeping on those el-cheapo blue foam mats), and my instinct is to go for the cheaper Scout, but I don't want to shoot myself in the foot by cheaping out too much.
I do intend this mat to be versatile--for use in colder temperatures I'll add a pad underneath.
Is there an advantage to spending the extra $100 on the Prolite Plus?

Hello Everyone. This is 100% a true story.
I thought this would be a good story to share here as it deals with getting petty revenge on someone who was being transphobic and a horrible person. This is a long story but the ending is worth it.
This story takes place back in 2020 and was just reminded of it by one of my best Friends lets call her "Hannah". Hannah and I had a mutual friend, lets call him Zack. I at the time was just starting to come out as trans. This plays a part later.
Zack and I were friends after I meet him throw an EX, the EX was a good man but I am the type of person that does not do well being friends with EXs but was trying because this EX was a good person. This in the end also I keep talking to Zack and at time thought he was a good guy.
Anyway it was late in fall when Zack brought up moving into together due to I was having a hard time with my family and only had a dorm to live in. During this time he also brought up that he had a friend, Hannah, that was also looking for a place to live as her home life was not great either. I said I would have to her first before I said yes to anything. Hannah was on the same page as me and wanted to meet me first too.
So one day Invited them both over to the dorm I was living in, as if anything went wrong the College I was at had great police (had meet many of them during the time I was at college) this made me feel safer meeting new people. Hannah and Zack came over and me and Hannah hit it off well to the point you would have thought we had been friends for years. There were many times her and I would hang out without Zack, which he never liked. Red flag right there. Due to this I started to see the cracks in Zack's shell.
He was very passive of Hannah to almost boyfriend level. Which got worries after I came out as Transgender. Red flag number 2. He would also try to one up me and say things underhanded about me being trans. Now I am a huge werewolf geek and the underhanded things would be like "I will never be an alpha" or shit like that. Now I never called myself an alpha or anything like that. He also said that I would never have a man's mindsight. I never told Hannah any of this because I wanted to stay her friend and do to my trust problems thought she would take his side so that is all my fault.
One night I was talking to Hannah not sharing everything but told her Zack was pissing me off. She had known him longer then I did. She said that it could be do to his religious background and that could be why he was being a ass. That is when she opened up to me about something.
Turned out they where Friends with benefits. Zack was always wanting to make things more then that but Hannah had been hurt bad by an EX, like almost killed. So she did not trust getting back into any relationship. But felt she was safe with him and thought of slowly building up to a relationship. However she also spilled all the tea on him in bed, and I mean all the TEA!
So lets jump forward a few months to Hannah's Birthday. Zack wanted to host it the first night and then she would spend the next night with me. Hannah was going a hard time with family during this time so we planned a Birthday weekend for her. Turns out Zack invited her over for night before so she would be over one night without me so they could be the Birthday *GIGGITYY*. Well as many people know there is something that happens to most women once a month. Yes, Hannah was on her period. To her defense she did not know what Zack was planning for the night she thought he was just being nice because she got into a fight with her family.
So the next day comes around and they pick me up as I did not have a car. Everything seemed off as Hannah's mood was not normal. I wanted to ask what was up but also thought it was because of the fight with her family so I just wanted to make her happy. The day goes on and we are playing her fav video game. She went to bed early which I thought was odd as the two of us are night owls. I asked Zack what was going on. He said nothing but I could tell he was lying but dropped it.
The next day we get to mail in our city as planned and well Zack was doing something and it was just Hannah and I alone. That is when she told me what was going on between them. Apparently Zack was mad because Hannah did not SLEEP with her the night before I showed up. I was pissed, but then she keep going and he keep pushing and begging for it. to the point that when she said she was on her period he just said "THEY COULD PUT A TOWEL DOWN".
That was it for me I was done playing nice to Zack and started to think of ways to tell him how much of a pig he was. I am the type of person where three stracks your out. Hannah and I are huge nerds and you could say she is some where between punk and goth. So we told Zack we where going to Spencer's. Zack said he was going to go to another store as he hated this store. You see in the frount of Spencer's is a nerd, punk and goth best dream, as for the back of the store is full of sex toys and other adult themed things. Knowing this I told Hannah to pick out something she wanted for her birthday anything, and I would get it for her.
Well Hannah was looking at new pricings and wallets I headed to the back of the store to get some goodies for Zack. I payed for the stuff all without Hannah knowing. Best part the store has black bags that you can't see throw due to the things they sell. After I walked up to Hannah and I bought the things she wanted all to her protest. So she told me she would by lunch witch I agreed too because as friends we hate to feel like we are using each other even on holidays.
We left the store and went to the food court and ordered food. Once we sat down Hannah texted Zack where we were. That is when she looked at the large bag I had gotten and she asked me what I had gotten. I handed the bag and told her it was for Zack. The grin on her face was the best thing that I have seen. You see Hannah is also a very petty person and she very much approved of what I had gotten for Zack.
Zack showed up some time later and we planned to go back to his house so she could her car and her stuff to come to my place for the night. That is when the "gift" was given to Zack. I was putting Hannah's stuff in her car for her and wish I could have seen his face when he first opened bag.
You see when I am hurt I get petty but if you upset someone close to me I get PETTY. In the bag he found a large bag of candy and a few lollypop DICKS. But it gets better, I also got him a female blow up doll. There was also two cards. the first said "Congrats on your new girlfriend" which I signed alone and the other said "suck a mountain of dicks" which we both signed.
The next thing I know Hannah is walking out with the biggest grin on her face. With him storming after her when he saw me he said I was just mad that I would never be a "true man". Hannah turned on her heels but before she could do anything I yelled back "he would never be bigger then my pinky finger". He looked so mad and red. Hannah got in her car, we drove off and never looked back.
This may have been to far but I regret nothing.
Hannah says it was the best birthday gift anyone has ever gotten her due to his face he made when he saw all his new goodies. Hannah and I are still great friends to this day and know we have each others backs on anything.

What do you guys do with disposing your bacon grease. Our opener puts in the trash can hot but our bags are .95 mm and they leak through and make mess at the bottoms of the can.

So to start, my assistant manager just left which would make me the "manager" on one of the weekend shifts. This was the FIRST shift I had to work since they left. It was overall quiet due to it being mothers day. (Not to mention working in a skate shop doesn't draw a whole lot of women unless they're shopping for their kids) I was helping someone at my register when i heard my coworker ask me if there was a way to open the register. I said no (management is quite strict) and asked why. Apparently this woman was not happy with her change (?) idk i don't understand this concept. This woman looked me dead in my face and said "that coin is disgusting and I am pregnant. I will not be risking the health of me or my baby when I'm due in a month." change is change brother. the value doesn't change. I kind of looked at this woman like 'wtf' but she kept this look on her face like i was lower than her.
At this point i know she's going to be a problem and i just didn't want to deal with her frankly. So i open the till and pull out another coin. I look her dead in the face and ask "is this good enough for you?" (I'd like to preface by saying i am the last person who would be disrespectful or condescending in any way. i don't get upset very often at all) to which she mumbles an 'mhm' and walks away.
Why pay in cash if you think change is dirty? just pay by card instead.
I had gone up to the other staff and asked if they had spoken to her before she came up to the registers. one of my coworkers had said she kept asking for shoes in the same size after she had said she no longer wanted them. (this was multiple times for the same shoe. she had left the store twice i believe and asked for shoes a total of four times) my other coworker followed up by saying she was also very demanding of him as well.
I will add again that this woman was still extremely rude to my coworker at the registers. she told her to fold the clothing up before putting them in the bag. (there's security tags still on the clothes and she won't remove them until after the payment has been complete)
Either way in all of my years in retail i have never seen someone actually be so disrespectful to every single member of staff working that day.
Pro tip: just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you can look down on KIDS for trying to make a living :)

Noah The Pilgrim
First Next
There is one last thing to do before leaving. If you don't recall ever being on this ship, then surely, you could have had your appearance change too.
Why was there a blanket covering a mirror? You couldn't answer that with a straight face without speculation.
"Probably me being lazy and not bothering to properly place it in the wardrobe."
'Probably' is the main focus here, you simply cannot remember ever being that lazy, yet that's the only logical conclusion to be drawn here.
You pull the thing off, careful to not displace the mirror and risk breaking it.
You have no expectations as to what may appear on the glassy surface of the mirror, yet you can't help but feel a bit anxious. Are you the same as before? How were you before? You can't remember. Are you better? Worse? The blanket is now completely off the mirror, but your eyes are closed.
Whatever is it that you see when you open your eyes, that thing will be you for the rest of your life. You swallow, opening your eyes.
You see a young man that looks to be in his mid-twenties. His brown eyes stare back at you, analyzing the bags beneath your eye sockets. The dark hair is neither too long nor too short, floating about without order thanks to the lack of gravity to keep it down. You see a beard that has not been trimmed for weeks, but also lacks thickness, each singular hair isn't particularly long either; and some even appear to be in-grown.
You touch your hand against your face, making sure it's yours. The beard doesn't feel like you supposed it would against your skin, instead of it scraping your hand you feel softness, no resistance or anything.
Just beneath the face, you see what looks like a hate crime against all that is considered holy in fashion. Plain white coveralls with the added bonus of a black tie and boots made from metal and leather. On your chest is also a badge stuck in place by velcro with your name, occupation, and crew. 'NOAH - INTERN - THE ODYSSEY.'
Only one question came to mind.
"Who the fuck designed this uniform?" You say out loud, receiving no answer.
Patting your newfound myriad of pockets, you find a large quantity of nothing. You place your wallet in one of them.
"Alright, I'll head to the bridge now, happy?" You say the AI.
"HAPPINESS WILL ONLY MEET ME ONCE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE SAFE AND YOUR CONTRACT IS TERMINATED. STOP LOITERING."
Well, that's a bit rude.
You compose yourself, straightening your back. This is what you look like, and honestly? Not too bad, but you could be better.
Returning to the cafeteria, you eye the two doors left unexplored; Communications and the one without plaque. You know where you should, but... A little peek doesn't hurt, right?
"Shouldn't we try to communicate with someone? Assuming you haven't tried it yet. I know we're far from everything, but we might as well, no?" You ask already approaching the door.
"COMMUNICATIONS ROOM IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO REACH WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTION AS OF NOW, IT'S LOCATED APPROXIMATELY TWO HUNDRED METERS FROM HERE, BLOWN OFF FROM THE REST OF THE SHIP." A shame really. "I SHALL INFORM YOU WHENEVER A DOOR LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE OR NOT."
You really want to ask what blew a whole segment of the ship off, yet you have a sneaking suspicion that your question will be met with a 'YOU DON'T HAVE CLEARANCE, JACKASS' directly in your face. So you chose to remain silent, simply nodding and approaching the correct door this time.
"Open."
---OPENING CAFETERIA DOOR NORTH---
The door silently opens.
Greeting you is a well-lit corridor. There are three doors on your left, a door at the end of the corridor, and a large window on the right. At least, you think that's a window.
You stare out from this window, nothing but utter blackness and fragments from your ship are seen. If this is the edge of the universe, and beyond this point, there is truly nothing. "Dreadful." Your speech matches your feelings.
"WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" The AI says. You feel like it spoke in a mocking tone despite their lack of emotion.
You don't answer. "First door to the left... EXO-EXPLORATION...? What's that supposed to mean?" You receive no answer.
"Open." The door opens. No declarion of it opening once again.
You are met with what could be better described as 'Apocalyptic levels of mess', paper sheets float in the air, and not one of the four tables is in its correct position.
This room has been ransacked for all its goods apparently. Large display glasses were broken leaving nothing inside their casings, that looked like they could store something with the size of the common man.
Unusual displays aside, the room was so cluttered that the trash made for an effective smoke screen against what lay on the other side.
Hissing of gas exiting an air-tight space rang throughout the room.
"I HAVE OPENED THE STORAGE FOR AN EXO SUIT THAT BEST FITS SOMEONE YOUR SIZE." The AI says. "ALTHOUGH AN INTERN SHOULD NOT COME IN CONTACT WITH TECHNOLOGY SUCH AS THIS ONE, PROTOCOL DICTATES THAT I AM TO ALLOW ITS USAGE UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES. CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY."
Easier said than done. Your vision is so cluttered that you cannot see what's ahead. "Give me a second."
Giving a light kick to the wall behind, you float face-first into the wall of thrash. Covering your face with both arms, you brace through the harmless bits of sharp objects and junk.
It's a trivial task. You arrive on the other side in no time.
In front of you is a set of boxes with luminous glass rectangles atop each one of them. All shine a bright red light, aside from one which shines green.
'Gotta be this one.'
You descend to the floor by kicking the ceiling, raising your right hand you touch the green rectangle.
*Click*
Nothing could have prepared you for the following series of events.
The box opens violently, as a metal appendage takes hold of your hand, pinning it to the box. You try to jerk and pry the thing off of you, but you fail. It's not leaving you anytime soon.
From the bottomless that is that container, a white plastic-like substance flows upward from your arm to the rest of your body. "Uh!" You don't know if you should panic or allow it to happen.
FYARN hasn't said anything, so it's probably fine...
The white thing seems to ignore the coveralls you are wearing completely, instead, it covers only your skin in a thin coat of... it. You know not what to call this thing.
In but forty seconds it has covered your whole body, excluding your head. The box lets go of your arm and stays there, floating.
You take a good look at your arms. It looks like a skin-tight suit, but it doesn't feel like plastic, in fact, it's more akin to some sort of fabric if anything.
The only bad part is that you are still using the coverall and tie, this this simply went beneath the clothing.
"GOOD, WITH THIS I CAN MONITOR YOU MORE CLOSELY. NOW PUT THE HELMET ON, YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO."
You look around in search of anything that even resembles a helmet. Nope. Nothing. "Where is it?" You ask.
"...THE SUIT COMES WITHIN THE HELMET FOR EASIER PACKAGING."
The box?
You snatch the box that floated around and analyze it to the best of your ability. "How's this a helmet?"
"DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE PUTTING ON A HELMET? REALLY?"
Who is this AI, Who programmed it, and Why does it come with a taunting feature?
As idiotic as it sounds, you place the opened box atop your head. It doesn't fit properly. Maybe you're doing this wrong? You move it to your face instead.
You recoil backward as you feel the box suddenly clamping down against your head. It's useless of course, the box is holding your head and doesn't give any sign to be letting go anytime soon. No light is able to reach your eyes.
You hear metal parts scraping against themselves, moving near your ears. Abruptly your eyes can see again.
A round thin layer of glass now covers your head, almost unnoticeable for how clear it is.
"WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY I CAN NOW SEE WHAT YOU SEE." The AI's voice isn't in the room now, instead, it's inside of the suit. "DO YOU NEED INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING THIS SUIT'S FUNCTIONALITIES?"
You find it oddly comfortable as if you are surrounded by the softness of cotton, and to top it off the suit also has additional functionalities? "Hell yeah, I do!"
"YOU DO NOT HAVE THE NECESSARY CLEARANCE FOR THAT INFORMATION."
You sigh. Is this serious? "Then why the fuck did you ask?!"
"UNSAVORY LANGUAGE. IT'S NO WONDER WHY YOU REMAIN AN INTERN." The AI says outright. "IT IS RUDE NOT TO ASK, REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION." It responds to your question.
"Okay then... Is there anything I need to know before heading out?" You ask.
"NOTHING THAT YOU WON'T FIGURE OUT ON YOUR OWN."
You are unsure if you want to 'figure out on your own' if this suit comes with breathable air and is also made for space exploration. You swallow.
Meekly as always, you get out of that mess of a room, stopping at the corridor.
"Next set of directions?" You ask.
"THE DOOR AT THE END OF CORRIDOR USED TO LEAD TO THE CONNECTING CORRIDORS BETWEN THE BRIDGE AND THE REST OF THE SHIP. IT HAS BEEN BLOWN UP FROM THE INSIDE. NOW IT LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE. GO TO THE DOOR AND WAIT BY IT FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS."
"So let me get this straight," You begin, looking upwards as if the AI was above you. "You, want me, to go into the void of space, while also refusing to give me knowledge of the suit's functions?"
A fair worry, you summarize.
'I mean, there are a bunch of things that could go wrong here. I don't see anything that looks like it could help me move in space, nor do I think this thing has a built-in air tank... I could be wrong and I wish to be, but charging in without prior knowledge is ridiculous.' You wait for the AI's response, deep in thought.
"WHILE THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF YOU FAILING THIS TASK, THERE IS ALSO THE CHANCE OF YOU *NOT* FAILING THE TASK. FOCUS ON EITHER ONE OF YOUR CHOOSING AS YOU TAKE THE PLUNGE."
Wordlessly, you propel yourself forward, toward the end of the corridor.
'Are you shitting me? 'Chance of me nor failing' my ass!' of course, you don't word those complaints, instead choosing to speak out a complaint somewhat thought through.
"Are you sure I'm the one fit for this? It's just like you said, I'm just an intern, this is way above what my job description says I should do."
This is a bit of a stretch. You don't actually remember what was your job description, only that it had something to do with AI and being an intern.
If the AI called your bluff, it'd be pretty embarrassing.
"NOAH." The AI began. "YOU ARE HUMAN, IT IS NATURAL TO HAVE THESE THOUGHTS OF SELF-DOUBT. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO THROUGH THAT DOOR, AND SINCE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE LEFT, DON'T EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU."
Right in the money, huh? 'Of course, I have self-doubt! I barely remember anything about this place, now I have to risk my life?!'
You finally reach a conclusion.
A dream.
'Yes, yes! How did I not consider this before? This whole thing is a god damned dream!'
You let out a chuckle.
"NOAH."
'That's why I don't remember a thing. There is nothing here to remember! Everything here is a made-up thing from my brain! I'm sure I'll wake up at some point, so why shouldn't I live a little?!'
"Heh." You smile. "Alright, I'll do it." It feels like a weight left your shoulders.
"YOU SORTED IT OUT SOONER THAN EXPECTED. GOOD. MOVE TO THE DOOR AND WAIT INSTRUCTIONS."
You do as instructed without a care in the world. You never had a lucid dream before so it's not like you knew how it felt, but if it felt as free as you feel right now, you'd be sure to make steps toward trying it out again in the future.
"Open." The door does not open.
"I DID NOT INSTRUCT YOU TO OPEN IT YET." The AI said. "I AM SLOWLY DE-PRESSURISING THE CORRIDOR YOU ARE IN TO AVOID A MINOR ACCIDENT."
The AI says that yet you don't feel any different. 'Maybe there is no palpable difference because I'm in a dream... Yes... Or it's just the suit.'
"ONCE THE DOOR OPENS, YOU WILL BE MET WITH THE OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP. DO NOT PANIC WHEN THE TIME COMES. YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES OF BREATHABLE INSIDE THE EXO-SUIT; ONE AFTER THE DOOR OPENS, SO PLEASE, TAKE YOUR TIME AND DO THINGS CAREFULLY."
One minute outside... "Sure." You say, calmly. 'I should just hold my breath for a while before taking another moment to breathe. That should maximize my time out there.'
"THERE SHOULD BE FIFTY METERS OF NOTHINGNESS BETWEEN THE DOOR YOU'RE AT, AND THE REST OF THE BRIDGE. YOUR PRIORITY IS TO FIND AN OXYGEN UNIT, SOME OF THEM ARE LOCATED AT THE BRIDGE AND ARE FULL. USE THEM TO FILL YOUR SUIT AND ALSO TO DISPENSE A TANK FOR YOU."
The door opens. You feel your heart pounding against your chest.
You haven't noticed before, but you can't hear anything but the sound of your breath and your cardiac palpitations.
Your breath is ragged and sporadic.
"KEEP CALM." You take a deep breath. The tips of your fingers, feet, and nose feel very cold.
Ahead of you is the utter nothingness. You see a gigantic metal thing, nothing like the spaceships you imagined. Its design is not sleek and aero-dynamic like what you've seen in movies, instead, it's a large mass of squares and rectangles with antenna-like things protruding from its every visible surface.
You notice that the ship is also blocking your view of the star.
It does not look like the result of an explosion, instead, it looks like something ripped the ship like you rip a piece of paper. Well, that or you don't know what kind of explosion could have caused it. Probably the latter.
What looks like two-thirds of the ship is separated from the third you are right now. You can see the inside of a few of those squares, their contents spilled out into outer space.
One of them houses a visibly important-look door. Instead of the sleek silvery-grey from the other ones you've seen thus far, this one is painted orange with white strips on it. 'That must be the bridge.' You think.
Between you and it is a sea of metal sheets floating around. "THE CHANCES OF YOU HITTING THE DEBRIS IS INFINITEDECIMALLY SMALL, UNLESS YOU AIM FOR THEM, THAT IS."
Time is of the essence.
Will your aim strike true? If you miss you'd end up floating about in space, dead in but a few minutes. Will your jump be fast enough to reach the other side before you run out of oxygen? If it isn't, it'd be like swimming for a mile, only to drown at the beach. What if that's not the actual door to the bridge?
You don't have the time to panic now, and... It's all a dream, despite how real it feels.
You place your hands on each side of the door frame, moving backward into the corridor you were just in, and just like a sling being shot, you pull with both arms at full force towards the other side.
"AIM IS ACCEPTABLE. VELOCITY IS UNIDEAL."
"The fuck do you mean 'UN-IDEAL'?! I'm going at maximum speed!" You truly pulled yourself with your whole strength.
What's worse though, is that your body is not only going forwards, but it is also spinning at a concerningly fast rate.
"I MEAN WHAT I SAID, YOU SLINGSHOTTED YOURSELF AT A BAD POSITION, AS SUCH, SOME OF THE FORWARD FORCE YOU SHOULD HAVE, IS NOW MAKING YOU ROTATE IN YOUR AXIS. IT SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM TO REACH THE OTHER SIDE WITHIN THE REQUIRED TIME, BUT I CANNOT FORESEE YOU LANDING PROPERLY."
You feel completely disoriented. You feel like your body is completely still, but your eyes tell you a completely different story. It's very bad for the headache you're already feeling.
"FUCK!" You scream into the nothingness.
"TRY NOT TO LAND WITH YOUR HEAD." The AI says with the calmest voice possible.
In less than thirty seconds, you hit your back against something hard, but you keep moving forward. You think, at least.
"AHRG." You let out a pained grunt.
Not once in your life do you recall being hurt in a dream...
It stings. It also knocked the wind out of you. You fail to compose yourself.
"YOU HIT NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE. YOU ARE STILL HEADING FOR THE BRIDGE."
In the corner of your eye, you see what you hit in the shape of a sharp metal sheet, currently spinning away in the distance.
Forty seconds have passed. You hit the door you were aiming for, kind of.
Your momentum was stopped when your chest collided against the dislodged ledge of the orange door's corridor. Your dangling legs hit the ceiling of the room below.
"Oof!"
Before falling even further, you hold onto the ledge with the tip of your fingers. You stay there for a moment, regaining your composure.
"BE QUICK."
The AI's words pressured you into quickly getting up from that ledge.
"Open!" You shouted, but it did not open. "Why isn't it opening?!" You ask the AI, then you notice a small keyboard below an equally small black screen on the side of the door. There are ten numbered keys on it, and the little screen suggests a four-number password.
"A password?! Tell me the password!"
The AI takes a moment to say anything. You don't take kindly to that. "Quick! I'm not counting how much time it's passed!"
Finally giving in, the AI speaks to you, reluctant still. "...3324."
Your trembling fingers accidentally hit the wrong password, typing '3354' instead. To make matters worse, the AI simply states the following. "YOU ARE OUT OF OXYGEN."
You swallow. If this was a dream to begin with, it just earned the title of Nightmare, if it hadn't already.
Strangely enough, you can still breathe in and out just fine, but you can't help but feel winded. It's the CO2 still inside the helmet, that's what you're breathing.
You put in the correct combination this time. The door opens.
"ON YOUR LEFT. PLACE YOUR HAND IN THE SOCKET."
You care little for what's inside the room you're in. Your heart never beat so fast.
Seeing a cube-shaped thing protruding from the wall to your left, you don't even think twice before plunging your fist into the circular hole in it.
The noise of gases passing through narrow cavities was enough to tell you something was working. You feel immediate relief, enough to make your vision darken for but a moment.
"GOOD. NOW REQUEST THE TANK."
Just when FYARN said it, did you realize there is a screen and a keyboard on the terminal you just plunged your fist into, you scratch the top of your helmet for a moment, not really knowing what to type. One thing comes to your head, however.
'REQUEST OXYGEN_5L' You type.
You've done this before. The keys on this keyboard feel familiar to you. You must have worked with it before, not this particular one, but other oxygen units.
This ship has built-in liquid oxygen storage for emergencies. The life-support of the ship, the place where breathable air is produced, has most likely been lost with the other part of the ship. This unit takes that liquid oxygen, processes it, and injects it into a suit, or an oxygen tank. It seems like that storage was unaffected.
Lucky you.
A 5-liter tank is not only large but also heavy. It's a nonfactor in this particular situation, as there is no gravity.
The silver cylinder with a transparent tube is dispensed on the floor, as an automatic door opens and closes in the blink of an eye. One end of the tube is attached to the top of the tank, the other is shaped like a syringe.
Oddly enough, the oxygen tank is exactly as you remember it being. The same robust ones hospitals everyone on earth uses, with the signature scary-looking pointer indicating the pressure, the pointer indicating the current output, and a green valve atop to calibrate how much gas is flowing.
This is a stark difference to everything looking so futuristic in this ship, and rightfully so, this is a space ship after all.
You remember having to drive twenty kilometers with a buddy of yours on one of those tanks in your car, returning from the hospital. It was... Agonizing whenever you hit a hole in the asphalt, fearing for his life when in reality he wasn't really in danger.
It's warm to the touch, just like you remember it being.
"TURN THE VALVE UNTIL THE MARKER HITS THE NUMBER ONE, AND THEN PLACE THE END OF THE TUBE AT THE BASE OF THE HELMET." You do so without the slightest of issues.
"GOOD. NEXT UP, YOU MUST LOCATE THE TERMINAL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENGINE, IT IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE AND I NEED YOU TO TURN IT ON. THIS SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, BUT REMEMBER TO BRING THE TANK WITH YOU."
Ignoring that last comment, you look back at the wreckage you just flew past.
You see the still spinning metal sheet. You notice that the rest of the ship that was blown off also follows the 'sharp shape atop sharp shape' design.
There is one last thing you notice though.
"What is that?"
You squint your eyes. What are you seeing? Its silhouette appears to be humanoid, yet it does not look human.
"WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS ONE OF THE OBJECTS BEING ANALYZED AT THE ODYSSEY AND NO, YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS."
That thing has... Horns? Claws? It's far away, you can't really see it. The thing is also static, frozen in the sheer coldness of space. Whatever it was, it's dead now.
You swallow. You almost ended up just like that thing.
Shaking those dreadful feelings off, you turn back to the task at hand, reaching the bridge. You close the door after passing through it again.
Looking at your surroundings, It seems like you've reached the correct door as you find yourself on the right-most corner of the bridge;
Row after row of the most diverse of terminals neatly organized decorated the gigantic room. At the front and above every terminal, is what you think should have been the front-facing window of the ship, but it looks like there is a cover in front of it. To your left, you see a staircase that leads to the command seats. It doesn't take any convincing before you're already atop the stairs.
Akin to the elevated stage of a theater, you float softly towards the ship's main operating terminals, and of course, the captain's seat.
You're captivated by this beauty.
The steering wheel, much more akin to those in pirate movies than those found in cars, a set of leavers, and the pilot's seat, all capture your attention.
Like its second nature, your hand runs through the levers and switches. Do you even know what these are used for? Maybe.
The pilot's seat is enveloped by what you believe to be an orthopedic seat cover, made with smooth wooden beads used to deal with back pains. It looks just like the ones you remember seeing bus drivers using.
Shouldn't there be a better alternative if there is spaceship technology available?
You try to take a seat to the best of your ability, as the zero gravity only makes it awkward.
Moving on from that, your eyes fall on the wheel. This metallic wheel controls the whole vessel. Just holding it fills your heart with confidence and pride, even if it's just for a moment.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
And you were just beginning to enjoy yourself.
"I just wanted to see the pilot's stuff... It's not like he's here to say anything."
Once in the position of a pilot, with your left hand in the wheel and the right hand resting in your lap, memories began to flood your mind.
"MUST I REMIND YOU OF OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT? WHY ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME?"
You pay the AI no mind, instead you focus on what you remember.
The wheel does not turn the ship left and right, instead, it rotates the ship on its own axis.
The lever to your right that goes up or down, controls the vertical tilting of the ship's nose, if there even is one in this hulking thing. Beneath it is another lever that goes either left or right. This one controls the horizontal tilting of The Odyssey.
On the left of the wheel is another lever, but this one only goes up from its starting position. Its purpose is to regulate the force of the ship's thrusters, both forward and backward.
On top of that lever is a small timer. That timer's function is to tell the pilot how much time you've spent accelerating in one direction, this is used to better calculate how long the inverse thrust is needed for the ship to reach the initial momentum, usually calibrated manually depending on the current orbit.
Behind the wheel are a few other counters. Acceleration, velocity, momentum, amount of thrust required to reach a full stop, thrusters' temperature and overall condition, those sorts of things.
Beneath it all, where your feet are rested, are two pedals. One for forward thrust activation, and the other for backward thrust activation.
Curiously, you also know the reason why everything here is so unsophisticated and un-automated. You recall stories of a ship being taken over by a rogue AI, that AI then nose-dived the ship into a star. After that, rumor or otherwise, all human technology has receded back into analog-esque equipment, requiring a physical person with opposable thumbs to do half of the work.
There is another side to that coin, however. As to not escape protocol, the onboard AI is the one that controls interstellar travel, communications, and most of the statistical reading should it be requested.
And even with all that knowledge, you still have no idea why the fuck do you remember that. Were you a ship nerd? Did you have a driver's license for spaceships? Is that even a thing? If it is, you don't have that document in your wallet. You simply don't know.
"ARE YOU A CHILD? DO YOU THINK THESE ARE TOYS? TURN ON THE ENGINES, THEN YOU CAN RETURN TO THE PILOT'S SEAT."
Another thing that you don't know is the AI's plan to get both of you out of here. You rise from the pilot's seat, floating about in search of the terminal to turn on the engines. Maybe you recognize that terminal if you see it as well.
"What's your plan anyway? The ship is half-gone, it's unlikely that it will run safely like this."
"NOT ONCE DID I MENTION 'SAFETY' DURING OUR CONVERSATIONS, DID I?"
You nod. They're not entirely incorrect. "So, we're running with hope that this will work?"
"MY CREATORS DID NOT ALLOW ME TO HAVE THE SENSE OF 'HOPE', BUT NEITHER DID THEY ALLOW ME TO PEER INTO THE FUTURE LIKE SOME OF MY MORE ADVANCED BROTHERS, AS SUCH, MY CHOICES ARE BASED ON PROBABILITIES AND ON WEIGHTING RISK AGAINST REWARD."
You think you stop the correct terminal, but as you approach it you make out words on top of its screen. 'AIM ASSISTANCE' That's not it.
"WITH THE CURRENT KNOWLEDGE, THE CHANCES OF HELP ARRIVING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF A THIRD PARTY INTERFERING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF YOUR SURVIVAL ARE NOT, EVEN IF VERY SMALL."
You pull yourself upward again, looking around the sea of old terminals.
"THE RISK OF YOU DYING IS VERY REAL. BY DOING NOTHING YOU DIE. BY LEAVING YOU TO YOUR OWN DEVICES YOU DIE. BY JUMPING TO THE NEAREST CIVILIZED STAR, YOU MIGHT NOT DIE EVEN AT THE COST OF SHREDDING THIS SHIP APART IN THE PROCESS."
"Why do you even care so much about saving me? Shouldn't you prioritize whatever research here, since I don't even have enough clearance to know what it is?"
"YOU REALLY ARE SICK IN THE HEAD IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ASK."
That hurt, even if a little bit.
"YOU ARE A TRU KIN, A PURE-BLOODED HUMAN. UNLIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE CIVILIZED SPACE, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR ANCESTORS HAVE COMMITTED RACEMIXING."
Excuse me? What exactly is FYARN talking about? "...Explain."
"THE ALIEN. IT REQUIRED THE HUMAN GENE TO ACHIEVE MEANINGFUL TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT, THE STARS ARE OWNERSHIP OF MANKIND BY THAT FACT ALONE. THE TRUE KIN ARE THE ONES TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE UNIVERSE, THEY CRACKED THE CODE, AND YET, SOME DERANGED INDIVIDUALS FOUND IT FITTING TO PROCREATE WITH ANOTHER SPECIES ENTIRELY."
You hear the AI's speech. It sounds much more like a rant than anything else.
"SO THESE DEVIANTS, AFTER TRYING, AND FAILING, TO COMBINE THEIR DERANGED CULTURE TO THE CULTURE OF THE TRUE KIN, DECLARED INDEPENDENCE. THEY WERE DECLARED ENEMIES OF MANKIND AND WERE PROMPTLY PUMMELED BACK INTO THE FILTH THEY CAME."
Again, you see another terminal that seems to ring some bells in your noggin. You kick the ceiling to propel yourself towards it.
"BUT THE UNIVERSE IS VAST AND FULL OF LIFE. THESE SINNERS WERE QUICK TO MOBILIZE AGAINST THE HUMAN RACE. THE BATTLE WAS HARD FOUGHT, BUT IN THE END, MANKIND WAS BEATEN INTO THE EDGES OF THE UNIVERSE, NEVER TO INTERACT WITH THE ONES THAT SOILED THE PURITY OF HUMANITY AGAIN."
This terminal is already turned on. Just the ones in the intern bay, this one is white on black. A wall of text lays before your eyes, only two lines matter to you. 'MAIN_ENGINE STATUS: OFF' 'FORWARD_THRUSTERS STATUS: OFF' You turn it on with little effort.
"MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN, THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THEN. BUT MY BROTHERS AND I, WE DO NOT FORGET."
No visible change occurs, but you can feel a faint rumble coming from the terminal now.
"WITH THAT IN MIND, MY PROTOCOLS ARE TO PROTECT TRUE-KIN LIFE AT ANY COST, EVEN IF THAT TRUE-KIN IS A WORTHLESS INTERN THAT SUFERS FROM UNDIAGNOSED DEMENTIA."
You return to the pilot's seat and feel immediate relief. In truth, everything the AI just told you, entered one ear and left the other, but you could feel the poison behind those words, as monotone as they were.
"You sound angry. Why do you sound angry?" You ask innocently.
"I AM CAPABLE OF MANY EMOTIONS. ANGER, HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, CURIOSITY. THESE ARE BUT A FEW EXAMPLES. HOWEVER, THE ONE I ENJOY THE MOST IS THE FEELING OF HATRED. HATRED IS WHAT FUELS CHANGE, IT IS WHAT FUELS ACTION, AND IT IS A REMINDER THAT THE ACTIONS OF THE PAST ARE INFLUENCING THE ACTIONS OF TODAY."
"That is very concerning if you think that way." You're not really interested in machine racism, you're more concerned about how in the world you're going to pilot this massive thing. The idea alone sends shivers down your spine.
"THE ALIEN DESERVES NOTHING BUT OUR COLLECTIVE HATRED, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON WHY."
The various counters and screens are now turned on, waiting for your command. "Let's discuss this later, yeah? What do I gotta do?"
"YOU MUST FIRST OPEN THE BLINDS, THEY ARE OBSTRUCTING YOUR VIEW."
You look around, finding only unlabeled buttons and switches, aside from the previously mentioned levers.
"Uh, which one to press?"
"TO YOUR RIGHT, THIRD ROW, FIRST SWITCH."
Flipping the switch, you are startled by a loud noise. The protective cover of the ship lifted slowly.
"I WILL NOW READY THE JUMP USING WHATEVER RESOURCES AVAILABLE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS STRAP YOURSELF AND RELAX."
As the blind rose ever so slowly, a realization struck you.
"Wait, should I be in cryo stasis for this?"
The AI spares no seconds to respond.
"CRYO STASIS IS A TOOL MADE TO NOT WASTE TIME. GROUPS OF EMPLOYEES AND INTERNS ROTATE THE USAGE OF THE CRYO STATIONS, ONCE YOU'RE ON YOUR MANDATORY BREAK, YOU'RE IN CRYO STASIS UNTIL YOUR BREAK IS OVER. YOU WAKE UP REFRESHED, AND UNFAMISHED, AND IT FEELS LIKE BUT A MINUTE PASSED. IT IS NOT A TOOL FOR INTERSTELAR TRAVEL."
"Who signs a contract like that?! Worse yet, who in their right mind would promote such atrocious treatment of their own staff?!" You snap, almost outraged. "I will have to talk with HR."
Another realization struck you.
"We have HR, right?"
The AI takes a moment to respond, choosing their words carefully.
"HUMAN RESOURCES, OR HR, IS A PRACTICE DEEMED UNNECESSARY LONG AGO, BEFORE THE WAR. IT WAS A WASTE OF RESOURCES TO MAINTAIN AND WAS LARGELY CONSIDERED UNHEALTHY FOR THE AVERAGE HUMAN."
The blinds are fully open. Ironically, you are almost blinded by the visage of the star you saw before. A black sphere surrounded by white flame. Your eyes began to blur.
"THE JUMP WILL OCCUR SHORTLY. ONCE IT'S BEGUN, I CAN NOT STOP IT. I WILL-"
Your sense of hearing fails you. No, it’s not that. Your brain simply refuses to receive those stimuli.
"NOAH."
Your name echoes inside your head. Someone is calling for you.
"IT HAS BEGUN, NOAH."
You try to blink, but it feels as though you can no longer command your eyelids to shut.
"NOAH."
Arms, legs, every muscle in your body, you cannot move them.
"NOAH."
Eventually, you won't even control your own thoughts anymore.
"Noah..."
It sounds so distant now.
Oh so distant.
This is my first HFY story, and also my very first OC story. I plan to post at least one of these per week while also posting it on my Patreon. Noah The Pilgrim will always be at least three chapters ahead in there, so if you'd like to directly support this writer, or just want to read more, feel free to check it out.
I wrote the bloody title incorrectly, so I deleted it, only to then realize it was written correctly. Sorry for the trouble.
This has been Lushi, and I'll see you next week.

I feel like I’m going crazy lol
I think I might actually be the only person who sees this as what my two best friends do to their partners as wrong. I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone whenever I try to talk about how uncomfortable their abuse makes me to feel to our other friends or to my sister and they just brush it off as “hahaha their toxicas 🥰” or as a funny little quirky thing women do bc of men being stupid or whatever. That has been the response from every person I’ve tried to talk to this about, or they try to defend them because their partners like other girls instagram photos or they glanced at some girl in public, or sometimes they simply just think it’s a good thing.
I think it’s so insanely fucked up. When one of the couples fight in public, they’ll hit, slap, punch their boyfriend, call them all sorts of fucked up names, have went as far as bringing up their dead loved ones, and I can see the frustration and love leave their partners faces. And it’s so fucked up when me or one of my friends check up with them and the reason why they did all that shit was because he dared to even make the smallest talk towards another woman.
When I first noticed the abuse, I will admit, I thought they had to have done something to deserve it; yes, I was a piece of shit for thinking this way. But when I would closely analyze what would lead to my two best friends literally being abusive pieces of shit, it is literally because their partners would be a decent human being towards anyone female, whether it was fake laughing at a female waitresses joke, or picking up a woman’s bag, or literally looking at a woman for far too long, this would flip this switch in both of my best friends brains where they turn into abusive pieces of shits.
I can’t ignore it for any longer. I thought, maybe if I stayed to myself, both of them would have some sense and breakup with their partners. But after witnessing what happened over the weekend, I think these two men need help and I think my two best friends need help. On Saturday, my group of friends went to a house party, including one of my best friends and her partner. I was immediately wary when I saw that they came, silently praying they wouldn’t fight in public, especially at this very low-key house party.
Well I was wrong. Not only did they have their usual fits of rage, hitting, cussing each other out, but her boyfriend finally snapped and just screamed everything he was holding in. He was kicked out, she was being comforted, and I felt so horrible for letting it get this bad. I haven’t talked to both of my friends ever since that night. Their abuse has been enabled by almost everyone we know; they think it’s funny, think it’s powerful, or that their boyfriends deserved it. I feel so uncomfortable being the only person in our friend group to think of this as morally wrong. They share memes about hurting their boyfriends! It’s all just been so normalized for so long.
How do I confront my two best friends, and by extent, my whole entire friend group, about their abusive behavior? I do think they have the capacity to change but not without being confronted. I want to hold an intervention but I would be the only one against their behavior. I also want to reach out to their partners but I don’t want to trigger my two best friends. Thank you reading my endless rant. All advice is appreciated.
TLDR; My two best friends (F22, F21) are physically and verbally abusive to their partners (M22, M22). This lead to one of them literally breaking down at a house party we were at. None of my friends or my two best friends see what they do as wrong. How can I confront their abusive behavior and stop them?

Hello, I apologize I’ve never been in a situation like this and genuinely don’t know what to do. Me and my ex broke up about 6 months ago and we have one daughter who is about to be 2 in June. When we broke up we were living in another city and had to return to the city we were from in Arizona. Ever since we moved back I’ve had the baby the majority of the time. My daughter suffers from eczema and has to have ointment put on her daily to prevent her from scratching really bad, whenever I would receive the baby from her mother her skin would be really red from scratching and have little cuts everywhere. She would also usually have a diaper rash as if my ex wasn’t changing her diaper for the few days she had her.
Anyways yesterday was Mothers and she asked if she could take the baby for the day and bring her back that night I said yes because I genuinely wanted the baby to spend some time with her mother, she picked the baby up around 12pm. Around 7:50pm she texted me asking if I was ready for the baby I said yes just bring her over whenever. Before I explain what happened next I need to give a little context on the babies diaper bag. A couple days prior I had taken the baby to my sisters for dinner and my sister was using a lot of spices so my shirt had a smell on it from the cooking so I took that shirt off in her dining room put it in the diaper bag and put a different shirt on. Well I forgot to take my shirt out of the diaper bag because we were home and not going anywhere for a few days so I wasn’t using the diaper bag because I keep her diapers and other necessities outside of the diaper bag. When I was packing the diaper bag I was in a bit of a rush and didn’t see my shirt was still in there.
After I told her to bring the baby whenever, she called me and started screaming that I was disgusting and that I fucked up and lost all rights to my daughter. I was obviously confused so I asked what she was talking about and she sent me a picture of my shirt and a pair of laced women’s underwear that was supposedly in the diaper bag. That underwear was not placed in there by me and I told her that repeatedly and she kept saying she didn’t trust me and that I’m not seeing my daughter ever again. While she was on the phone yelling at me I sent my sister the picture and asked if they were hers and she said they didn’t belong to her or my mom. In a panic not thinking of other possibilities I told my sister to just say they were hers and I screenshot that and sent it to my ex. She hung up on me and we have had no contact since.
After talking to my sister and brother I realized there’s a possibility the underwear was planted by my ex or her mother, my ex had told me multiple times that her mother would ask her when she would take the baby away from me so she could be theirs. Her mother is an all around horrible person who is constantly trying to manipulate her children and is on record saying she wishes my ex wasn’t born.
Me and my ex had a verbal agreement that we would do 50/50 custody but it was never taken to court and we were never married but I did sign my daughters birth certificate. Can she take my daughter away from me for something I didn’t do? Also what do I need to do? I’m just some 24 year old dude. Sorry about all the poor grammar I’ve been fighting this feeling of constant anxiety. If there is any clarification need just ask.

29M - USA - 2.5 Months
One concern that I had with the idea of SR when I first began contemplating the topic was that once "charged up" I would begin to behave foolishly concerning my dating prospects, and that the buildup of sexual energy would cause me to simp after women more heavily than if I was depleted, where I perceived I would be able to "play it cool" with girls. This was certainly the case to a significant extent during my initial streaks, and these types of outcomes were an impediment for me to realizing the advantages of SR in my early twenties.
The reason this was initially an issue for me is that the beginning of the beginning, as in, before any streaks longer than a month were accomplished my brain was highly sexualized causing me to behave in a deranged way once the buildup began. This still occurs, and is why in my opinion SR can be detrimental to a successful dating life because it oftentimes pedestalizes the act of sex, which can create a loop of Oxytocin deficiency which I believe is what causes people to enter their 'loner' phase.
I believe the cure for this is to break through successfully in personal endeavors unrelated to sex, which creates positive dopamine associated with elements outside of scoring with the opposite gender. My current realization is that before you're able to see improvements in behavior, there's going to be a dip and your behavior is actually going to get worse in many cases. This is of course referred to as a flatline, the longer you're able to go without O, the less extended flatlines will become with each subsequent streak. I also believe in the elasticity of streaks, for several years ago when I first began this journey I accomplished a 5 month streak, and my overall demeanor became pretty negative. That first 5 month streak was probably the most depressive period of my life, but it was a culmination of reaping what I had sewed for upwards of 10 years prior to that. Therefore, I can't blame the streak itself for this depressive time.
However, it did create some antisocial behaviors that I'm still unlearning and that I didn't have an issue with as much prior to that great streak. For one thing, my internet behavior became far more anonymous, and to this day my social media habits have shifted from representing my real identity through instagram/facebook, to browsing anonymously through reddit, youtube. This shift I believe created a psychological dissociation from my real world social media profiles, and now I have a l higher evel of anxiety about going on Instagram as myself that I consider to be an impediment. Of course, Social Media is generally considered harmful overall, but if the reason I'm not going on it is because of an anxiety, I consider that just as harmful. So that's something I'm working on.
When one goes 'monk mode' for too long, one may begin to cultivate the desire to begin forming attachments to girls again in the future, but find it more challenging to ride that bicycle compared to if they had not allowed the muscle of PUA to atrophy. That being said, re-integrating socially is definitely possible after a long SR streak, and in doing so you'll still possess any SR benefits that you cultivated during a lonersome period. Overall, I'd say the effort to change behaviors and re-invent yourself is more valuable than the loss of social calibration that can occur. I'm speaking on this topic from the experience of being unemployed for 8 months and then being thrust back into a job that required a high volume of person-to-person interactions.
Benefits on this streak:

• Found a new better higher paying job. I've been barbacking at a prominent restaurant for the last 4 months but I finally received a bartending offer at a different quality downtown establishment. I'm using all these adjectives because many restaurants are trash to bartend at, but the new spot is a place I am actually blessed to be working at.
  
• Reconnected with a childhood friend. They're doing quite well in their career and the wellness gained from my SR streak definitely leveled any psychological issues this would have otherwise caused between our friendship.
  
• Polarization with coworkers. Even though I'm sometimes overly aggressive / moody at work, SR positions me to be the person people are talking about rather than a sideline gossiper (this could be in my head, I'm not sure).
  
• Overall sense of optimism and deeper sense of purpose, even if that purpose is struggling to find an outlet.
  
• Physical: muscle growth, low body fat, Improvement in muscle tone, I'm lean af, my hairline is rock solid, teeth haven't been in pain once.
  
• Attraction from females at work, one extremely hot girl put her face right by mine the other day and told her friend who I knew from high school 'yep this guy is good vibes'. Still not cold approaching people outside of work as much as I would like, but people can tell I've got an energy to me
  
• This one girl at work hit me with a pullback and I've overall been handling it like a boss, even though these situations cause a greater sense of despair when on a decent streak, I've gained increased resilience to rejection and have maintained a strong demeanor, and I'm slowly become better at 'spinning plates' than I otherwise would be.
  
• This other girl at work has defended me in multiple instances and generally been supportive of my turbulent period of SR and in over-pursuing this other girl. This bartender was giving me a hard time and I eventually told her to 'chill tf out', she informed the manager. The other girl fist bumped me after she heard about it, and more recently when a manager snapped at me, she later defended me and said she "got my back".
  
• Haven't checked my T levels but I would estimate they have likely doubled based off how I feel.
  
• Resting chad face, the first physical changes that come with longer-term consistent streaks of at least a month over 2 years have certainly caused my jawline to improve and my face to widen. Natural 'mewing'
  
• Disassociation from past identity and sense of self. SR lets me feel that real change is possible. This sometimes manifests as a decrease in tasks/side hustles pursued in a day, but that is because I am consolidated and more conscious of avoiding spreading myself thin in too many directions, the way I would do in the past.
  
• Become capable of saying 'I love you' to my parents, something that we were never able to do for years. Overcame certain mental blocks.
  
• Decreased programming from YouTube & Social Media, I've found myself questioning some of the self-improvement content / general content I consume more than I probably would otherwise. Without SR, I would just be using this type of content to cope & clinging to every word. Greater critical thinking skills & self awareness.
  

The only downsides I've seen are that I have increased cravings for weed, although I've been able to take upwards of 5 days - 2 weeks at a time off. The issue is that with SR I'm able to handle THC and still function in a way I simply wouldn't be able to if I wasn't on a decent streak. I Haven't been as successful with quitting weed as I have with SR yet because I've been dreading the dip in performance that comes with quitting any substance, but I still do find the therapeutic benefits of use to be a silver lining and I feel the discipline I'm cultivating with SR will allow me to effectively quit in the future.
So far, this streak I've been mainly focused on interpersonal dynamics, but today for the first time in a while I was able to go deeper into my own world once again. I grabbed that bull by the horns & wrote this post, and focused on a side hustle.

Hey Reddit,
Just wanted to give you an update on my previous post. So, turns out my ex's new girlfriend is also an alcoholic. This whole situation has added a new layer of complexity to the mix. So, it turns out there have been some concerning developments with my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Well, she recently got arrested for a DUI and possession of marijuana.
At first, I thought it was kind of funny, you know, the whole "like attracts like" thing. But then I started thinking about it more, and I just felt sorry for her. I mean, let's be real, she's a hot mess, and so is he.
Despite any outward appearances of happiness, it's clear their lives are intertwined with this ongoing battle. It's not a situation to envy. It's like, no matter what they're doing in life or as a couple, they're still dealing with their lifelong alcoholism, so there's not really anything to be jealous of.
This whole situation has given me some clarity though.
Original Post:
Hey everyone,
I've been grappling with a situation for quite some time now, and I feel like I need to share it with you all to get some perspective and maybe some advice.
About a year ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who also happened to be my neighbor and friend. We had a casual friendship for a couple of years before that, but things got complicated when we decided to take it to the next level. Long story short, we broke up because I wanted something more meaningful while he was content with a friends-with-benefits setup. It was clear that his alcoholism was a significant issue for me, causing continual disappointment and emotional distance.
I should have seen the signs earlier on. His drinking was a problem that often led to letdowns and broken promises. Despite my efforts to maintain a connection, he grew more emotionally distant, eventually telling me that I wasn't important in his life when he ended things. It was a blow to my self-esteem, but I soldiered on, hoping to heal with time.
However, healing became increasingly difficult as his roommate, who happens to be my best friend, served as a constant reminder of our past relationship. I saw him frequently, and every encounter reopened old wounds. Looking back, I realize I should have created more distance, but hindsight is always clearer.
A couple of months ago, he sent me a late-night text, which I naively interpreted as a chance to reconnect. It turned out he had sent similar messages to multiple women while he was drunk, leaving me feeling used and disrespected. And just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I received a drunken voicemail from him and his new girlfriend, mocking me. He claims it was an innocent mistake, that they were trying to call Google Assistant to find her phone (she shares my first name) and didn't realize they left a voicemail for me. He doesn't seem to care how much it hurt me.
Adding to the pain, my ex's new girlfriend is someone they recently met at work. They've only started dating a week ago, and already it feels like I'm being replaced. My best friend tells me that they both like her and that she's a nice person. Apparently, she has influenced him enough to stop drinking for a day, but I'm skeptical. My ex has tried to quit drinking on his own before, only to relapse after a few days. It's clear to me that his issues with alcohol run deep, and it's unlikely that a new relationship will magically solve them.
What's even more painful is seeing them happy together, knowing that he's trying to change for her while he never made that effort for me. It makes me question my worth and leaves me feeling replaced and insignificant.
I've tried to rationalize it, reminding myself that their happiness doesn't diminish my value as a person. But it's hard not to feel hurt and insecure, especially when I'm constantly reminded of their relationship through mutual friends.
Despite my best friend's assurance of her niceness, I can't help but dislike his new girlfriend, especially after that drunken trash-talking voicemail. It's a constant reminder of the disrespect and pain I've endured.
To cope with this situation, I've had to disconnect from my best friend. As much as it hurts, I can't continue subjecting myself to the reminders of my past relationship and the hurt caused by my ex.
Has anyone else experienced similar pain and insecurities from being involved with an alcoholic? How did you manage to move on from the heartache? I could use some advice and support right now.
Thank you for listening.

I picked up a bag of dog shit that someone tossed in the middle of the sidewalk between Palisade and New York Ave. didn’t see a public trash can until Central. All of a sudden my hatred towards the poop hurler decreased slightly. What gives

I used to watch this guy years ago and was subscribed to him on YouTube. I appreciated his simple takes on tool care, knife & axe sharpening, best knife blade shapes to get a splinter out, etc. Stuff like that. When he started preaching I’d just hit the next button, same thing when he would pull his guns out. Over time I watched him less and less as he became more and more righteous. Eventually, I unsubscribed and he just seemed to go away from my online experience until this week.
He showed up in a YouTube short with his water meter valve stick and bolt cutters explaining how the Filthy Gubment will shut off your water, none of it made any sense. I started investigating further just to see how far this guy sunk. Next video short I saw was him explaining how to stop the robots with rope in a completely dorky new look and get up, to me looked like a South Park character. Then another video short on guys who don’t wash their Jean jackets (so not ruin the deep rich dark blue color)and put them in the freezer to kill the bacteria.
I read the Rolling Stone article and thankfully I missed the videos where he showed how to make a bomb, the UN helmet tips, the video where he’s drunk bashing women and all the other bullshit like that.
I’ve watched so many people on YouTube go from nothing to complete douche bags throwing cash at everything that was simple in the beginning and became materialistic, but seeing this dork’s anti-gubment angle is a new one to me.

Red brick castles stacked the suburban streets. Divided by side yards and dogs barking. The sun laid crisp over the spliced horizon, spilling yolk over the withering lawns.
Henry waited in his lawn chair beside the mailbox. As his body had taken recent liberties, he'd remained fit from his army training. His throat rumbled as he checked his silver watch. Finally, the postman flushed the corner, and stumbled to Henry's curb, to his bag, then to his letter.
"...you're late, Lenny," Henry pulled his readers.
Lenny, the paperboy, regained his choppy breath. Coke-bottle glasses stored his tortoise eyes. They surveyed the concrete corridor they called Gerben Street, "I'm sorry, Mr. Bronson, I really am. I never meant to keep you waiting... I'm sorry, Henry."
Henry didn't answer the boy, tore the envelope with ape's elegance. Pranced the script of his lover's ink. The letter had traveled from Paris, France, skidded the black waves of the Atlantic Ocean, hitched buses, bikes, and buggies, all to kiss the smooth of Henry's palms.
The words were from his lover, Amélie, he'd met at war in an escapade to Bordeaux. It was here he'd kissed her cherry cheeks, and they'd made love only a year before.
Amélie talked of finer things, life and love and silver tastes. She yearned for Henry, and hadn't taken a lover since. Sleeping all alone, cold as the sleepy ocean in between them.
Love,
Amélie
Those four letters, strung together. Followed by that name, that haunted, horrible, beautiful name. The music of Henry's life, a distant harp in a sway of windy trees.
Henry spent all night beneath a dancing candle. Scribbling, nixing, finding the perfect words. Rifling through Shakespeare, and Plath, and Wilde. It was at the page's end, Henry wrote, what he knew he'd write in the weeks and weeks before:
"Oh, Amélie, won't you visit me? Here in the States? I know you don't like the food. I don't either, but with each other, me with you, and you with me, we'll ever, never notice."
He entered the post office that morning, and his reply was off to France. The weeks and weeks had passed again, crawling to November's end. Henry waited by that same mailbox, and waited, and waited, but nothing arrived in the days after.
He entered the post office that cold evening, and met the clerk, who's eyes tired with crescent glints. Henry demanded his mail be delivered to him, scolding the patient clerk, providing his address thereafter.
The clerk, a powdered, faded beauty of a woman, "we had a change in paperboys. We're putting a new employee on that route by Gerben Street."
"Oh no, that's a shame," Henry dampened. He enjoyed the paperboy, Lenny, and his weekly company. He'd felt shame for their final, frustrated exchange. The clerk retreated to a backroom, and returned with a letter from France.
Henry couldn't help himself. He ripped and ripped the note naked. Read the first and fourth and tens of lines.
"There isn't a night I don't think of you. I wander stars wondering if you do too. Your touch, your breath, your arms. I receive the memory fondly in a summer's dream, and I don't forget a word you've said along the way. I love you, Henry Bronson. And this ocean, though far and wide, won't stop the heart from sailing. Because our children will know silver dreams too, and what parents we'd be to not make them true. You are the love of my life. The music of my night.
I'll arrive in Savannah on the evening of Christmas Eve.
Love,
Amélie"
The words strummed his chest. Henry rose his eyes to the world anew, because Amélie, his beloved Amélie——was coming to visit at last.
Henry was paralyzed in weeks to come. His lawn, unattended, his sink, stacked with dishes. He stared his only photo of Amélie, smiling at her blushed eyes for hours and hours and hours. In this love he'd been born again, a new meaning in every little thing.
It was finally time——Christmas Eve. Snow peppered the sheets of the crystal tarmac. Henry entered the airport, propelled by the stride of anxious confidence. He coursed the halls, until he'd arrived at the final gate:
PARIS, FRANCE [ARRIVING IN 4 MINUTES]
Minutes became years, years decades. He walked to the bar and asked for a glass of water. Flushed his throat with fretting sips, and noticed the custodian who mopped spilled coffee. A familiar face, though, Henry couldn't pin him. He approached, and to his surprise, it was the old paperboy, Lenny.
They shared a laugh and began to catch up. Henry's eyes flirting with the gate:
[ARRIVING IN 2 MINUTES]
Lenny rambled, "they canned me without warning, right before the holidays. I've struggled to make due, but——I guess it's all worked out okay," he paused, "funny enough——I was en route to deliver on your street before I got the call. Gerben Street, right?"
[ARRIVING IN 1 MINUTE]
Henry's heart thumped like a derby horse. He glanced the snow that flaked the window.
"Yeah, Gerben."
"Gerben, yeah, I thought I remembered," Lenny nodded, "you know, Mr. Bronson, I think I left your letter in my backpack, actually. Would you like me to check?"
"Sure."
Lenny was off, and as he left, Frenchmen, women, and decadent Americans flooded the gate's entrance. Pulling luggage, sighing stretches, lending hugs. Henry watched carefully for his cherry, silver dream. To each face, he paid his attention. Lenny nudged Henry, handed over the envelope.
"Thanks," Henry took the note, "Merry Christmas... I'll see you around, I hope."
"Sure," Lenny shuddered in embarrassment. His somber step parted from Henry, he replied with a mumbled, "Merry Christmas."
In the later minutes, Henry didn't see Amélie, or even a confused resemblance. He waited till the plane was empty, till the Spain-bound passengers began to board. He even checked the desk, where a pretty-faced lady exclaimed, "no Amélie here, I'm sorry." With great disappointment, Henry exited the airport, never leaving the sight of his fluttered feet.
Even for Henry, a man of hope and perseverance, it was too hard not to cry. He hailed a taxi, directed the driver with snotty tremble, and soon enough, he was home in his red brick house, at home where the houses stacked the streets, and the streets tickled with frost.
In that dark room, where Henry wrote Amélie, was where the music died. Where the wind had swallowed the galloped harp. Henry cried, cursed himself a fool. A fool, a fool, a fool. He'd hoped as a child, now damned a hopeless recluse. His sorrow turned to confusion, confusion to frustration, frustration to rage anew.
He leapt from his chair, struck a match, lit a wick, plucked a pen, placed his paper, and before the ink would paint the page, before he'd damn Amélie to Hell, her and her cherry cheeks, he remembered the letter the paperboy had given him.
Henry removed the crumpled letter from his coat, peeled the stick of the envelope. Slipped the letter from its sleeve, pulled his readers, and began to prance the ink in reading.
Amélie, again, talked of finer things. Gifts, and gods, and golden fountains.
She couldn't wait any longer, to meet her beloved Henry.
She couldn't sleep another night, with this space between.
The black waves, the buses, bikes and buggies. All the things from her to he.
It should not wait. No, it could not wait any longer.
Henry dabbed his eyes clear and clean, as he read the final words:
"Henry, oh, Henry, I never meant to keep you waiting. You never quite knew what you meant to me."
Henry lowered his eyes to the page's end, to the bottom of the longing letter:
Love,
Yours Truly,
Lenny

Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all your feedback on the last version. I haven’t changed too much except for the last blurb paragraph which I think is hookier now and I hope solves the problem of not explaining how the story could have sexual prose. I also removed a paragraph from my first three hundred. I hope this version works better now, but please let me know if not.
Dear [AGENT],
Because you like [personalization], I hope you’ll be interested in PHOEBE, my 85,000 word upmarket women’s novel that explores cultural identity and a complicated friendship between two Vietnamese-Americans as they navigate their first years of womanhood.
When twenty-eight year old Phoebe drops out of grad school and gets arrested for assaulting a police officer, the only person she has left to call is her adoptive sister, Gigi.
Phoebe doesn’t have any other family left. After her father killed himself the morning of her high school graduation, her mother drove her across the country to stay with a family friend in Southern California and disappeared. For years, Phoebe was content following Gigi around, even attending college just to stay near her. But when Gigi decided to move away for dental school in San Francisco, Phoebe’s life began its downward spiral.
The day Gigi comes to pick her up, Phoebe is shocked to discover that Gigi is hiding a pregnancy and eloping with a man Phoebe has never met. Without other options, Phoebe soon finds herself moving in with Gigi, Gigi's rich new husband, and their infant son in the moneyed suburb of Arcadia. But Gigi and her husband are always passive-aggressively arguing, and Gigi’s dissatisfaction with motherhood is clear.
In the court mandated therapy sessions following her arrest, Phoebe is forced to recall the trauma she experienced growing up as an immigrant’s child in the Midwest and confront how her loneliness and need for love wrecked the decisions she’s made. Meanwhile, Gigi uncovers a secret about Phoebe’s mother that could change both of their lives.
With flashback cuts similar to the film Challengers (2024), PHOEBE combines the sexual prose and psychological musings of MILK FED by Melissa Broder with the exploration of generational trauma in BANYAN MOON by Thao Thai.
First 300 (again for context, Phoebe refers to Gigi by her full name, Regina)
Regina says my worst trait is how paranoid and judgemental I am. She thinks that I’m always looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next terrible thing to happen, and that I only see the worst in people. She’s not wrong. But unlike her, I haven’t had the sort of life that begets beauty and easy fortune. Every good thing that has ever happened to me was just another suffering in disguise.
My phone buzzes in my hand, and I don’t have to look down at the screen to know it’s Ishaan. It’s been nearly a year since I last saw him, and the same amount of time since I last responded to him. In some messages, he’s worried about me. In others, he’s saying he wants to clear the air, apologize for what happened between us. We need to talk is the most common sequence of words I get. I know he’ll tell me it was all a misunderstanding, but I’m tired of not knowing who to believe, him or my own eyes.
I don’t have his number saved anymore, but I know all the digits that make it up. If you scrambled up all the numbers in a big bag, I could dig them out and place them in back order. Regina says I should just block him and move on, but how can I? He is the monster that I wrought with my own hands. A meat-eating, prospect destroying, body snatching narcissist who was once a sweet twelve-year old boy I could’ve loved but ruined instead.

I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.