I was talking to my friend about the afterlife
He believes nothing happens after you die because "My grandad drowned and was dead for around 5-7minutes then he got revived by a defib and he is alive today". His grandpa says nothing happened after he died and doesn't remember anything.
Also on tv shows like Bondi rescue, there are videos of people drowning and being dead getting revived and they didn't experience an afterlife.
However on Youtube you see people who claimed they have died and came back and went to hell or heaven and they share their testimony on YouTube.
So some people who die and come back to life experience an after life and some dont.
If your friend is like this what would you say?
What are your thoughts?

This is my first time playing the game!! I always saw people saying it was hard to please grandpa on your first go. I really thought he would be disappointed but I guess not!!

We all know that we’re all going to Memphis, but do y’all have any other lines you like to misquote like misheard song lyrics? Or am I just the crazy one?
Some of my favorites:

• Any character that says “Comin’ at ya!” I always hear “Hamunaptra!” like the lost city in The Mummy
  
• Ken’s lvl 3 super ends with “Shinryu Grandpa!”
  
• Dosukoi is “Tolstoy!”
  
• Gief’s lvl 3 ends with “GLORIA!!”
  

I’d love to see if anybody else is a dumb as me and add some some silly phrases like these to my lexicon

Writing this up on a burner account (cause obviously)
For context: About two weeks ago, my family and I (28m) went on vacation to see our family in NorCal. My grandmother (82) has been in rather poor health recently, having suffered a heart attack about a week or two before we were meant to go out, so we figured this was probably going to be one of the last times we see her alive.
Long story short, the trip comes and goes well for the most part. We got to catch up with family we hadn’t seen in years, was able to take a a well deserved break after a collectively hectic period of work for all of us, and Grandma started to feel a bit better; still not great but it was a marked improvement. I decided to stay an extra week and a half to help support my Grandpa (83) and Grandma while she moved back from the hospital. I say my good byes to my mom, my stepdad Paul, and my two brothers, Ryan (26) and Joey (30).
It’s at this point everything went wrong.
My family makes it back home in one peace after a rather long flight (12-14 hours) and start going through customs (as you do). However they’re pulled aside for a “random” screening and Joey is taken aside. I only hear about this when Ryan texts me and asks if I had accidentally misplaced some edibles I bought, cause Joey had been held for almost two hours at this point. Next thing I know I’m told his house was raided and his phone and computer has been confiscated and CP had been found on both. He’s currently in prison awaiting trial now.
I can’t help but feel like I let him down. Joey hadn’t been doing great mentally for sometime. He wasn’t happy at his job and seemed to lack direction in his life, but I guess I didn’t realise how bad it was. I feel if I had been more present I could have helped him out and stopped him from slipping that far.

I know the title sounds bad but hear me out. I (15f) have a younger cousin (11m) who is clearly my grandmas favorite. For some context I am the oldest out of 5 grandchildren and my cousin is the oldest grandson( so 3rd oldest), I know it might seem unrelated but it not. My grandparents on my moms side only had girls, my aunt and my mom, then when my mom had kids she had only girls too, me and my sister. When we were younger my grandparents would always try and correct us, so if I was sitting weird they would at stuff like it’s not very lady like or one time my sister mispronounced library and my grandma pulled up a video and told her if she was going to speak English speak it right. This would all happen when we were around my cousins age. When it come to my cousin they never tell him anything and if I try to say anything my grandparents tell me to stop being hard on him, but it’s not like I’m telling him to do much though, the extent of what I have ever told him to do is put down the toilet seat or say please and thank you, which he does not do. This to me is the bear minimum as they made me and corrected me way more. My cousin every few years is sent by my aunt to my grandparents for about a month. So my grandparents took us to go see my great grandmother, who was 98 at the time and not doing to well, and other family who lives in that area. My cousin insisted of spending time with his 98 year old grandma was on his phone and ignoring everyone as he was to glued to his phone. What makes it worse was that he was on call with many of his friends who were on top volume because he didn’t have headphones. My grandparents saw this and said nothing. I know for sure that me or my sister did this we would be yelled at my my grandparents. I also should probably say that with almost all his meals or every time we eat he is on his phone, when we went to a drive through safari he was on his phone. Not to mention when we were at this drive through safari he had no animals on his side so my grandma literally jumped to the back of the car so he could be in the front and see the animals, only for him to get bored and go on his phone. I know this seems like a rant but this is important to the story. Now we were all having dinner, which was fried chicken and no on told me that half of it was spicy so I got some spicy chicken. I asked if they had bought spicy chicken as it cought me off guard. My grandparents asked if I wanted to switch it out for regular chicken but I told her it was fine . But my cousin opened up his big mouth and said that I should switch it and stop complaining, I never we even complained. So here’s where I might hav been the a hole, I told him I was not complaining and that he would opt be able to eat it as his spice tolerance is bad and I took a piece of the chick wand tossed it on his plate and told him to try it. He immediately throw it back and told me no. This is when my grandpa yelled at me and said do you know how rude that is to throw things. This made me mad and yelled back you know what else is rude being in the phone when you are around family you haven’t seen in a long time and especially around a great grandmother you only see every few years. My grandpa remanded silent and my cousin tried to defend himself by saying that they would have kept calling and that they were annoying him but I looked at him and told him that he could have silenced his phone and just ignored them. The rest of dinner was silent. My mom said that maybe I should have been easier on him because he was only 11 but my dad thought my grandparents needed to have that wake up call. But I don’t know, I know he is only 11 but I feel he should know better and I should know better not to throw things but I felt that was my only way to express how I felt. So AITA?

I firmly believe the idea that these two are in fact Ghetsis's biological children.
Like it's a really crackpot theory, but when you think it kinda itches your brain in a good way:

1. Kieran and Carmine's parents are not talked about at all in the game, with the only SMALL SMALL look at their parents is at Carmine's room where we can see what looks to be her mother with her (Carmine) when she was like 2-3. But she isn't in any of the other photos. So there dad is up there in the air.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. Kieran and Carmine are thought to be loosely designed around The Snake from the Garden of Eden from the bible. The "Snake eyes" that they do sometimes and their hometown, Mossui Town, being right next to a bunch of apple trees kinda leans into this analogy.
Interestingly, there the fact with Kieran's signature even being literally a dragon-snake like being in an apple leads into that idea... due to the fact the apple is commonly thought to be the fruit that Adam and Eve ate that caused them to do the sin.
This biblical theming goes hand and hand with Ghetsis being based around "The Devil in Music" with his hair having "devil horns" much not unlike Kieran and Carmine's hairbands and (later) Kieran's hair tie that he wears.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. Ghetsis and Kieran use a pokemon based off the same thing in Yamata No Orochi being Hydreigon and Hydrapple.
With Hydreigon having 9 "heads" (counting the 6 black wings as heads as gamefreak intended the player to) and Hydrapple having 7 heads (with only 5 of them being shown and the other 2 being in the apple). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. Kieran, Ghetsis, and N were all villians at one point (& still are in Ghetsis's case) in Unova's history which would be unironic since King Harmonia (their possible ancestor) was actually supposedly a very peaceful king that seemed to be respected by his subjects.
Neo Team Plasma hated N as their former king, since they believe he was a coward for running away and leaving team plasma out to dry.
Ex-Team Plasma hated Ghetsis as their former boss, since they know that was a sociopath that needs to be stopped so that no one else to has to suffer.
The Blueberry League hated Kieran as their former champion, and only wished he went back to being the sweet and kind boy who used to have fun fighting.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. Carmine's Xenophobia can be kinda be explained (BUT NOT JUSTIFIED), with the idea perhaps her grandfather basically told her to be weary of foreigners but didn't tell her why.
Maybe Ghetsis killed the siblings mom (in effort to protect her kids), and it caused their gramps to resort to warping Carmine's view on people in effort to protect her and brother from sharing a similar fate of being harmed by Ghetsis or any of sympathizers.
So when Carmine basically did her, "We don't want you guys ruining what made Kitakami special thing", she was just echoing what her grandpa told her, when in reality, he was talking about their mother...which was taken from him far too early in his life by an outside force.
That is most likely why when Carmine says these things, Yukito (her grandpa) doesn't punish her since he knows he is responsible for her view on life being like that. Kinda making her not as selfish but rather a victim of (perhaps accident) bad parenting by Yukito's fault. This would be a REALLY nice parallel to Ghetsis and N, and how Ghetsis warped N's POV on people and it took meeting the protag to help N see the error of his view point. Like Carmine with the protag of SV...interestingly.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. It's kinda cool that Carmine shares connections with her "half-brother" (hypothetically her relative) in N with their view on humanity/people could have twisted by someone else.
Whereas Ghetsis and Kieran share a lot more similarities in their obsession with power and love of hydra pokemon. And the fact they attempt steal legendary from you, actually succeed.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seeya in seven days! Vote wisely!

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I love my family SO much like sosososoos much and like a couple days ago my grandpa and grandpa js be saying sad stuff bru, i was telling my grandma how i cant wait to have babys and she said that she hopes she will be able to see them and how like she wont always be around and it made me SO sad bro. The other day my grandpa was telling me that he built a outdoor shower for someone for his job and inwas telling him that when im older it would nice if he built me one and he said that he wont be around by then and his candles burning out. Mind you my grandma is like 55 and my grandpa is 74 AND IT MAKES ME SO SADDD BC IM SO CLOSE TO THEM AND THEY ARE MT EVERYTHING😭😭 they spoil me and take care me and are so caring, and i feel the same way about my divorced parents and i cant imagine losing ANY of my family bc they mean so much to me and its scary to think about death. I hope they are immortal bc i already lost two of my loveds this year and last, My dog and my tia. Anywyas im on my cycle nd im every emotional rn.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

My mother has been having horrible nightmares for about 6 weeks now but has yet to come clean and tell me or anyone else about them. But first, let me give a brief background about the dreams we have had. My grandpa (mom's dad) had the "6th sense"/ESP or whatever you'd like to call it. I thought that it was complete bs growing up until he appeared in my mother's dream one night. At this point in life my grandpa had been in a hospital for 6 months then was just switched to a nursing home for the last 6. He and wasn't able to talk much but still fully coherent to his surroundings. One random morning in November 2012 my mom woke up me and my brother in a panicked state crying her eyes out and we could tell immediately that she knew something that she could not even try to explain at that moment. On our way to the hospital we are asking her what's going on and all she could say was "Daddy told me to go to him because he was fixing to leave." We were speechless. My grandfather had not said a full sentence in months yet somehow told her he is leaving?! When we made it to the nursing home the doctors/nurses were still trying to give him CPR. He wasn't even pronounced dead yet when we made it to his room. She eventually told us what actually happened when she was able to calm down. She says that he sat up out of a casket and pointed at his watch (that man ALWAYS wore one) and told her "Amy, come here my darling. It is time for me to go." That made me a whole hearted 110% "6th sense/ESP" believer to say the least. 6 weeks ago my My mom randomly calls me at 4:30am on a Wednesday and asked me if me and my brother were okay. ( We Travel together for work All over the country) I said of course we are and left it at that. Well earlier I was at her house cleaning up her kitchen and cooking some food for supper and she wakes up in a frantic State and immediately calls out for me and my brother. I would not let it go this time and begged her to tell me what her dream was and when she confessed...
She told me that she has had the same dream of one of us (her 2 sons) being taken away in handcuffs and the other one is going to the morgue nearly every night for the past 6 weeks.
Make heads or tails of this for me, please. I am at a loss of words.

My wife (34F) and I (36M) have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years now. 3 iui rounds in, the doctors say there isn’t anything physically wrong with us. on the 2nd iui the doctor told us “now go home and have as much sex as possible” so we go home and get into bed and I’ve. Been fun and flirty all morning. So I start with some fore play and my wife stops me and says no it just seems so transactional. So I said ok no problem honey and we just laid there and cuddled, I was totally okay with it not a problem. We do our 3rd round of iui with no luck. I just sold my grandpas cabin he left me in his will to play for ivf, I’m happy to do it because what’s the point of a cabin on a lake if you can’t fill it with people and love, but the realtor said something while we were at the closing about this seems so cold and transactional and I’m just really pissed off about how sex with my wife is transactional, but all the things, the poking prodding the turkey baster ect for IUI and IVF isn’t never been described as transactional but sex with her husband is.
Sorry just venting.

I am (16F) and this year has just been shit show after shit show! In the beginning of the year I was so stressed that it lead me to tears and caused me to have anxiety attacks. I feel as if I can’t do anything right at all. I feel useless. Then I felt more and more alone. I felt as if my friends were leaving me behind. Most recently I got into an argument with someone that lead 2 (almost 3) of the people i thought I could call friends to drop me off the face of the earth. Basically they have been mocking me for months now. (I know, now that I have reflected not the best of people to hang around)I finally stood up for myself for the first time by venting to a group of close friends because one of the girls called me stupid behind my back but she said it to a girl sitting right in front of me. I don’t know how she could mess up that bad? I have always been incecure about my intelligence and felt stupid when I was a little girl. I thought I was finally at a point where I could call myself smart. But her calling me stupid took me 100 paces back to where I was. What I said in my fit of rage and sadness to my friends was not even supposed to get back to her but one of her little friend was sitting near and told her what I said the next day or told her god knows what! The girls want to call me fake and say I talk shit on everyone. I really don’t understand that! I have always treated people the way I want to be treated so that didn’t even make sense. Here is the kicker the main girl who broke the last straw talks crap on everybody! Even her friends and boyfriend when they are not around! Then to top the whole thing off my Grandpa passes away a few days later. He was the best person I could have had in my life. I miss him more then anything and I truly believe that his death is all my fault. if I just tried harder or if I did not stand up for myself karma would not have got me and he might still be alive. I know that is a stupid thing to say but I just can’t deal with this anymore. This is stupid teenage bullshit that will not matter in time but right now it feels like my world is falling apart. Please tell me what to do.

I'd like to start this off by saying I have little to no knowledge on how wills and estates work. I am trying to find answers on behalf of my mother and will try to keep this as straight forward as possible but I am extremely overwhelmed and could really use some help
*I would like to include before people think I'm just after money.. I want nothing, not a dime. My mom has cancer and this money would quite literally change her life, and even if she received nothing, she just needs the closure to be at peace with the situation.
TLDR: Crack head "step uncle" is executive my grandpas will and is being dishonest
I live in Ontario, Canada. My dear grandpa passed away 1year and 10 months ago. Up until I was 16 he had no contact with my family, I reached out and we started rebuilding...10 years go, we formed a great bond. He then said he was in the process of changing the will to include my mother, brother and myself (as previously we were not named.)
Fast forward, my Grandpa started to get sick and mentioned to friends and neighbours that his daughter and grand children would be taken care of. He had never mentioned it to us, I never asked because I was not expecting anything. He got extremely sick and became non verbal, that being said, I was under the impression that the paperwork got done and but I don't think it did. We think the will stayed to say to leave everything to his new wife. My family and I continued a relationship with her after he passed and she ensured she was going to switch things to include us. Unforuntatley she died very suddenly less than 6 months later. I do not know what got done/didnt get done.
Everything was supposedly left to her son (for privacy reasons lets call him bob), Shy of a life insurance policy my grandpa took out on my brother when he was born.
Heres where it gets complicated. Bob is a crack addict. He was "handling" the affairs and progressively got worse. My grandpas will was in probate from June 2022 - March 2024. He has essentially strung my mom along for the past (almost) 2 years guarenteing that as soon as the probate went through he would give my mom a substantial amount of money. But giving her very limited information. It is estimated that including the house (approx $500,000) there is 2 million dollars in assets between my grandfather. I have only found this out by looking at paperwork laying around the house. I also know my grandpa had 200,000 in a hidden account from his wife and numerous stocks, mutual funds and investments.
"Bob" has said there was "next to nothing left" and only received 500,000. We haven't seen any papers, gotten any information, and he has been extremely secretive about the process. He also has mail addressed to my brother about the life insurance but refuses to give it to him. All I have is a death certificate. I read somewhere that I have 2 years in Ontario to contest this and as per my mother wish I kept the peace until today I went to discuss with bob and was threatened.
Im ready and hopefully not too late
I guess what I'm asking, Can I contest the will? How can I find out anymore information? Can my mother get anything from this? I don't have much money to afford a lawyer, are there resources I can use? How do I find out about his investments? is there anything I can do to get to the bottom of this? Where do I even start?
I'm likely missing information, its hard to all summarize. My family just needs closure. Any and all information helps, I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this. Thank you.

TW: Suicide, Mental Illness, SA, Porn Addiction, Abuse, Pedophilic Thoughts.
Hi, this post is going to be insanely long post as I am gonna go over a lot of things in detail throughout my life. I am going to premise this with a very important disclaimer: I am not looking to be the victim. I am not trying and do not want to make you feel bad for me. Things I saw will end up sounding like attention-seeking and victim mentality, but please know that no matter how much it sounds like that, that is not my intention. I'm basically going to go through my entire life story, so buckle up.
We'll start at the beginning of my life in 2005. I'm born and have an older sister, who is still my only blood sibling. At 3 years old I experience my first traumatic events that I can remember. I start hiding in the bathroom whenever my parents fight, and after a fight, I try lightening the mood by dancing in a goofy manner, but I end up falling and slashing a big hole in my knee and have to go to the hospital. At 4 years old my parents get divorced, and my dad moves in with his girlfriend. I vaguely remember crying as he took his last suitcase out the door. I also start pre school at this time, and my parents start realizing I have mental issues. I get tested and come up with ADHD and autism. I hate loud noises, get overstimulated, hate fire, and can be very irritable. At 5 I do my second year of pre school, because my parents feel I wasn't socially ready. I did competitive cherr with my sister which was fun, except for a mean teammate and an unsupportive father. At 6 I start kindergarten, and have more traumatic events. I doodle on my paper and get yelled at by my very menacing teacher, which just stuck with me for some reason as I am very sensitive to arguments and such. I start having my first memories of being abused by my mom. She wasn't beating me but she would slap me, grab me, push me, and she threw my sister down the hall one time. At 7, I have the same types of memories, but good ones too. My sister starts getting in on the abuse and hitting me too. Her and mom start fighting all the time. And this is where my first sign of real issues shows up. My aunt babysat me after school every wednesday whike my parents worked their jobs. I was scrolling on my old chunky laptop and came across it. Gay porn. It was two men on a bed doing some sort of act. Im confused but cant stop watching. My aunt eventually comes in and puts an end to it, berating me. But I start getting worse. I keep looking it up on my tablet and getting caught by my dad and mom, and even get caught looking up how to end myself. I get the same talk that it wasn't good or whatever. And one time, I even tried getting my 2 year old nephew to "lick it" because I didnt think there was anything wrong with that. The next few years, the same trends become increasingly worse, and my parents also gave up trying to get me to eat healthy because of my picky eating habits due to the autism. I became overweight and no longer did any sports. I have a few more traumatic memories of my mom hitting me or destroying my stuff and making me clean it up. My porn addiction becomes worse. I start getting exposed to things like incest and beastiality. I also start having my first experiences with pedophiles. I was taught by another kid how to masturbate on xbox. And got into a party with someone else. They were atleast in their mid to late teens and possible older. They convinced me to teach them how to masturbate aswell. My addiction got worse and I would masturbate multiple timed a day at a very young age. I started hiding things from everyone. I started actually being attracted to the incest porn I was seeing so often and got into the taboo of it. As I got older I started fighting with myself, begging myself to fix my issues before it became to late, but I didn't listen. I started hiding my porn addiction really well and kept letting myself get groomed. I would show myself to pedos on omegle because I thought it felt good to get the attention. A 16 year old told my 12 year old self to send a booty pic, and I did, but blocked him immediately after. When I got into 7th grade I also started getting corrupted by public porn, and started masturbating at school. I was being bullied for my weight, and being smelly by that point, and was just so fucked up and never got help. If I ever talked to someone, I'd just lie and water down so everyone would think I was fine. In 8th grade I got bullied really bad, but covid ended that early luckily. I never masturbated in class again after this. This is where it gets worse, again. I become so deprived of human contact and addicted to sex, that I start sneaking videos of my father in the bathroom after his showers. To note, I don't have an amazing relationship with him. He was always very intimidating and bad at controlling his temper. Never good at having conversations either, so I've since closed myself off to him. I kept taking pictures of him, and eventually, started sneaking pictures of people I found either attractive, or even people that didn't repulse me. This included strangers, classmates, teachers, etc. I started really internally fighting with myself at this point. I hated myself. Who I had become. I tried and tried to make myself stop and become healthier, working out, watching else porn, trying to delete pictures I took of others, but to no avail. I eventually on rare occasions, masturbated to beastiality porn. I always felt so disgusted before, during, and after. These always felt like intrusive thoughts that I was acting on, but I didn't know that was actually the case until much later. I also starting convincing my grandpa to show me what it "felt like" as a 15 year old, until at 17 in 2023, he eventually coerced me into doing it to him, which I can't tell if it's SA or a taste of my own medicine, since I was a minor. I'm gonna go back to 2022. My sister's husband, who I consider my only brother, committed suicide. I was devastated. All i ever wanted was a brother, but I decided it wasnt meant to be. A few months later, I saw a cute guy at a local fair near my house, and feel deeply in love. I didn't masturbate or even look at porn for an entire week. I could not think of him sexually at all. Until eventually, the effect wore out. I started becoming addicted again, and also became to overbearing to the guy I was in love with because I texted him too much. He was 28 and I was 17, and he had no idea I actually liked him. This crushed me too, and the school year started soon after. I started imagining him and his friends withbme wherever I went and stalked his page constantly. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Later on in thar school year, I fucked up with both of the friend groups I was in, and lost them all. The rest of the year passed by slowly, but it still ended up okay. Now onto this school year, my senior year. I come back to school and no matter what I do, I can't get myself to stop. And a few months into the year, I finally get caught. I get suspended and don't come back for a few days. I get bullied as expected and lay low. My mom takes my phone and deletes everything, and I eventually tell her most of what I've said here. I relapse occasionally and watch certain porn that I feel guilty about, or snap a pic of someone. Luckily, I finally deleted everything myself and never took a picture of someone or watched beastiality again, and will continue that path. My current consensus is that I'm a classic case of a kid who never had a support system, which led me to making bad decisions, and just never stopped and got worse. I also now have been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety, and depression. I was always big on recording and taking pictures of everything memorable, which contributed to this. I also have very intense intrusive thoughts which are still unmedicated. When I took that first picture of someone I thought was attractive, I felt disgusted with myself for months. But the thoughts got stronger and stronger, and I did it again to make them go away, until eventually they got more often and consistent. I myself don't want people to be uncomfortable. I hate people that do stuff like that, and I wouldn't wish the feeling on anybody. No matter how many times I tried to push the thoughts away, or stop what I was doing, I couldn't. I lost all self control. The good part of me wants to help people, make them feel safe, loved, and attended for, but that side lost the fight. My morals were completely washed away over the years as my thoughts worsened, and I kept doing what I could to appease them. I consider the thoughts another being inside of me. It's super powerful and no matter how much I try to push against it, it always wins eventually. I got prescribed meds and picked them up today to help with the thoughts, and I hope it works. I found out this is called Purity OCD, which is when you have intrusive thoughts, and eventually give in and act on them to get them to go away. I also have Brain Loop Syndrome, which is when you get into a bad behavior, and want nothing but out, and physically cannot do it. I also want to clarify again that I am not looking for sympathy. I'll take any questions or advice on where to go from here. I've been telling myself that I deserve to be tortured, raped, and killed, or to burn in hell if I end myself. Again, not for sympathy/victimization. People I've told about the situation in real life keep saying "well it's not like you committed a serious crime, lots of people are curious and many take pics but are afraid to admit it" but I feel like that doesn't make it any better?? It's still weird and wrong. But anyways, I'm open to any questions or comments about this, if you want to just comment "ky$" or "I hate you" I understand, it's totally valid. I just needed to say it, get some advice and answer questions. Have a good night ya'll.
Quick edit before the comments start coming in: Apologies for the long read btw. I also wanted to say if you're ever experiencing negative thoughts regarding anything I stated here, or have any issues in general, PLEASE SEEK HELP. Do not do what I did. More people will understand you than you believe. You are not as alone as you think. Please don't let it get to this point!! Ans also yes guys there is a few more little traumatic events or whatever sprinkled in there that are probably important but I think you guys get the gist.

This is going to sound really selfish and shitty but I (28f) have never had the best relationship with my grandpa. He is the reason my grammy's brother was killed, he sexually and physically abused my mom, her siblings, and my Grammy, he's the reason I developed an allergy to smoke, he always favored my male family members, and any pleasant memories I have of him are so old that I hardly remember them and only remember them bc my mom tells me about them. I wouldn't say I hate him, I'm mostly disgusted by and indifferent to him. I might be sad when he dies but I don't know.
My mother for some reason though adores him, maybe it's because her mother is gone. Or maybe she's been conditioned by the abuse to still care about him even after all the awful shit he did to them. I don't know my dad's kind of a dirtbag too and I still love him.
My mom really wants to go see him because he has stage 4 cancer and probably doesn't really have much time left. I mostly sad for her because I know it will be really hard for her to lose him. Even my younger sisters are upset about him which I find surprising because they've seen him maybe four times in their whole life. My brother cousins and I don't really seem that interested. I mostly find it really annoying to have to go down there and see him. I have work and I'm so burnt out and exhausted all the time from raising my family and working and taking care of everything that frankly as soon as I get home the first thing I have to do is fight off exhaustion long enough to make dinner and hope I don't pass out as soon as I get done and actually get to enjoy some of my free time.
On the other hand I know it would probably mean a lot to my mom for me to go down there and at least support her or say my goodbyes. It just makes me feel so tired. The past few weeks have been so exhausting and the coming weeks will be even more exhausting. This weekend might be my only chance to have any rest for quite a while. I really don't want to take a 4-Hour drive that I will likely have to do again next week just to see a person I don't really like or care about because he's dying. My mom will cry and be upset and I'll stand there blank faced with almost no reaction. I have a hard time showing emotion on my face anyway, so I know she will be upset that I'm not crying or sad or really expressing anything. I can't force myself to feel things I don't even for her sake. I guess I could pretend. Force myself to cry or at least act sad.
Does it make me a bad person that I find it more annoying than anything that my mom wants me to use my sparse free time to go visit my dying Grandpa who I don't care that much about? Should I just do it for my mom's sake?

I apologize if this is the wrong place for this, but I need to tell someone.
I (29f) used to take care of my grandma from 2014-2017 (I am a caregiver for work still), and then my dad and his siblings (a brother and two sisters) hired my cousin’s aunt-in-law. Grandma recently passed away July 4 last year at almost 97, and so far it’s been smooth sailing as far as cleaning out the house (one of the sisters and the brother don’t get along with the other sister, they’re just salty, she’s actually a good person) and settling CDs and stocks and all that. All that’s left is to sell the house.
WELL, said caregiver has not left. My aunt and uncle said she could stay there until they sold the house, they didn’t even discuss this with my dad and his other sister, they just told her she could stay. She was SUPPOSED to be out be the end of August last year. Then it was October. Then January. Then March. Then April. Mother’s Day was going to be when she moved out. Guess what? She’s STILL there. She was diagnosed with breast cancer not too long after my grandma died, so that’s partly why they let her stay for a little bit, but she does have family close by she can be with as well.
She’s been in remission for about a month, but now she’s saying it’s her heart having issues. It’s hard for me to be empathetic at this point, because following the graveside service at the end of July, we immediately started cleaning out the house. That’s when she started showing her true colors, saying my grandma could let her have this or that, and getting grabby, when that isn’t true; my grandma had advanced Alzheimer’s and did not like the caregiver whatsoever, she just wanted to take care of herself, which she couldn’t remember how to do and couldn’t remember that she did in fact need help. Caregiver would also be rude to us if we said no to something or be irritated that we were even there. She has lived there rent free, and my aunt (the one who said she could stay there) would pay her $1,000 a month under the table from my grandma’s checking account (which still had a lot of money in there, even though my grandpa stroked out in 1981 and couldn’t work anymore; he had worked a lot so she would never have to worry about things like that).
It’s completely infuriating that she won’t leave. My uncle (the oldest) is going to be contacting a realtor soon to see about selling the house. I know I sound mean, but seeing her true colors has made this all worse. She wasn’t even a good caregiver either, grandma would have rashes or random bruises, and the caregiver never kept the house clean (the part she occupied), and would hear her yelling and screaming at my grandma when she didn’t know we were over. Of course, we have no way of proving this either.
My dad is completely fed up with this. He’s about to go over there and put her stuff outside when she’s gone and change the locks.

in one piece island of women Luffy says something like “this reminds me when grandpa Garp used to throw me into the woods to teach me to survive” now I’m wondering was that a DBZ joke

Most people wannabe INTJs, many tests make just yes or no questions to speculate, more and more people have confusion towards it. I will make it easy to learn
INTJs that seems overly wanting to show the world their strong personal wearstyle like gothic. Wants to be mastermind and controll people but ending being ridiculous = ISFPs mistyping themselves comparing fiction characters
INTJs that overly strive for efficiency, making things, don't having time for others because of a goal. Tendency to megalomaniac = ENTJs or even ESTJs too focus in a goal to look inside and see the obvious
INTJs that focus in too many things, learn a lot of have various disconnected interests and hobbies in life. A bunch of these knowledge don't see the sunlight = ENTPs or INTPs that see to many possibilities and because of it takes as one they are maybe INTJs (1% in their test said it)
INTJs that are like INTJs by most description, but create a whole own philosophy of human suffer seeing people day by day and others tend to trust him with ease = INFJ or even INFPs, believe it or not
INTJs that took the test in a very stressfull period because someone friend of the cousin of my friend's girlfriends told it may help. The questions confused me = ESFP or ESTP, they forgotten it when become happy again
INTJs that are very organized/straightforward in thoughts and speak, with easily grumpy grandpa aura or "it is how it is, just do it"... I really need to say ISTJ or ISTP?
INTJs that are people oriented, want to create a good and utopian society because everyone needs to achieve happiness in life or live a carrier that leads people to the universal best way of living = ENFJs or ESFJs, these tests are junk if have this mistype
ISFJs will almost never tend to get mistype. Their moral is above some test to feed human ego, they already know they sacrifices themselves do to others. INTJs pay to them clean their house or feed them
ENFPs will never read all of this. Just if really are into track and understand a certain INTJ romantic interest
Seems silly but I would prefer this to study cognitive functions for a year straight. Probably an INFJ or ISTJ will clarify the questions, i'm done of it 👍

I wrote this party as a form of therapy and partly to have it read on okop. Love you guys!!!! You are all awesome! Especially Sofia! She made the podcast whole!!!
About 2 years ago I couldn’t find a place to live and ran out of money paying to live in air bnbs after moving back to the East cost. I was taken advantage by my cousins, I paid the equivalent of $1800 in work a month for a tiny room to live in while also expected to cook and clean 2 hours a day but I refused to do that part.
I had managed to get out of that situation and get my own 1 bedroom apartment and it cost only $1350 a month. A year later I needed help again. My mom who lives 3000 miles away asked my aunt to help me out. My mom had taken off work to help care for my grandpa so she was strapped for cash. My mom told me that my aunt had her old home still with a friend living there and that she would let me live there. But when I talked to her I was told that “you burnt every bridge when you claimed squatters rights and trashed their home.” I was appalled! And heart broken that people were just believing these lies. I had no idea anyone was even taking about me. I was taken advantage of? That’s how I burnt every bridge?????? So I posted this on Facebook
My cousin and her husband took advantage of me when I needed help. They OFFERED. They were my family. I worked my ass off to be treated like a servant (someone has a birthday in the home? I got him a present then They went out to eat without inviting me because I wasn’t considered family to them) I didn’t say anything. I just did what I was told until it became too much. It’s so sad that his fragile ego couldn’t take my criticism when he ADMITTED without me asking that he was testing me. Apparently a test from a book on war. The test is to see how much someone will sacrifice themselves for you with nothing in return. So I was treated like something to sacrifice not like family. And because I refused to sacrifice everything of myself and when I found out I condemned him for his actions He Literally tried to throw me out on the street. I Worked over 30 hours a week for him for a tiny room, while putting 3,000 miles on my car a month. While paying for my own food. I tried so hard because I thought his intentions were pure. In the end I didn’t complain to anyone about this but my mom and sister. Because I’m not that type of person. It was over. I didn’t want to ever think about it again. But recently I was told that I burned every bridge when I claimed squatters rights. Which didn’t happen. I claimed living rights. I didn’t want to be there but I HAD NO WHERE ELSE TO GO and I was working 30 hours a week for him! I was there for 1 day when I wasn’t working for him before I left. 1 DAY! So I was completely taken advantage and this is how I burned every bridge?? The only thing I did wrong was trusting them. I thought they loved me, I helped raise their children and loved them like my own. He WAS MY ONLY FATHER FIGURE GROWING UP. He knew how I felt about him and he completely took advantage of that. So I’m putting my side out there. Because I didn’t even know that any of them were talking shit to people.
Also important note my mom let her and her husband and 3 young kids live in our house for FREE FOR 4 YESRS!!! 20 years ago.
My mom was able to get my asshole father to pay for a down payment on a car for me to live in by taking the cash without permission lol and telling him the money was for her.
I do instacart for work so I really needed that car. I was going to just try to save enough for a room to rent but decided I was done working paycheck to paycheck. I currently am living in my car while saving every cent I would have spent on rent and utilities.
My mom called me yesterday 2 months after the post on Facebook to tell me how upset she was. She told me that after the Facebook post the whole family started talking about me and how I should be able to take care of myself by now. Even though they have no idea what I’ve been through.
(Necessary context) For years my chronic illness, EDS short for Elhers Danlos syndrome, was really bad. At one point I was completely Bed ridden. My boyfriend of 6 years was amazing and became my full time caregiver while working part time to pay for my pain medication. This went on for about a year. I then found a new doctor that put me on a new medication that changed my life. I was able to brush my hair again! I was able to walk again! I was able to work again! Before this new doctor I was looking into getting a wheel chair and filing for disability! Everything was perfect for a few months. Then my bf developed schizophrenia. We were living with my mom for all of this. With in a few months I went from being taken care of by my bf to being his full time caregiver. It took him about 1.5 years to stabilize. Though all this we were working doordash and instacart because neither of us could keep a full time job. When we moved out of my moms place back to the East cost we thought we could just keep working gig jobs but after the pandemic people wanted to go out to eat and shop for themselves. We tried to get real jobs but with out any recent regular work history or references it was really hard. On top of that any job I could get was either part time or lied to me about being full time!! That is the gist of our problems with paying for a place to live.
So back to the main story. My mom told me that her 6 siblings were contacting her one by one to tell her to cut me off. (She had been helping me financially as much as she could for years now) There was a reason my mom lives 3000 miles away and it was to get away from these assholes. The only reason she had contact with them was to coordinate care for my grandfather. Until recently I thought at least some of them were good people. They told her that I was almost 30 years and should be able to care for myself. I had never received help from any of these people! And only ever asked for help from one of them once! I didn’t understand why any of them even cared. Did I make them feel some type of way with my post that talked shit about none of them? (Unless calling out someone for talking shit is talking shit) it’s not like she had been giving me money instead of any of them. The 2nd Best part of the story is the hypocrisy. 3 my cousins, all from different parents, still live with their parents! And they’re all older then me! But no one has a problem with that? My mom asked her brother why it was ok that his daughter was still living with him? My uncle said it was because she has 3 children. My mom then asked him why she should abandon me for not having children I couldn’t afford? Great burn mom! Now this is the best part!! After telling me all of this she says that she wants to pay off my car for me. I was going to wind up paying 20 grand for a 10 grand car because of my lack of credit. So I guess thank you to everyone that told her to cut me off! Because it has only seem to inspire her to help me more!!!
Ps: my mom is writing a book that already has 3 publishers trying to sign her! Exposing all the reasons she moved across the county to get away from all of them. Go her!!!

I hope this is the right subreddit, flair, and has a reasonable length. If it doesn’t, please tell me and I’ll change it to fit the requirements.
My younger brother (16m), let’s call him Nathan (false name), is currently having a ton of issues and my family and I (17m) feel like we have played all of our cards and don’t know what else we can do for him. Nathan has Bipolar I, ADHD, dyslexia, and even though he isn’t professionally diagnosed, we suspect he also has Autism. He is currently on medication for his Bipolar but he isn’t on any for his ADHD. He also gets seizures when he becomes too stressed. He is on a DUI at school and has a lot of support there regarding teachers and faculty. He used to have a psychologist but they terminated him for stupid reasons that he had no control over. He has been in the mental hospital before back in elementary, as he used to be much worse back then. He also has a background of violence (his violence would only be directed to me and our Mother(40f), but he hasn’t been violent for 3-4 years). He also has done self-harm in the past, but they were pretty minor. Nathan and I also have no insurance but we are about to get on our Mother’s plan. Nathan also has ways of coping and knows what to do if he becomes too angry, but I feel like there could be more that could be done. We live in a household with 7 people. We live with our Papa (Mother’s Dad) and his twin brother, who sleep in the living room, Grandma and Grandpa (Papa’s parents) who sleep in the master bedroom as they own the house, our Mother, who sleeps in her own room, and Nathan and I, who share a room. We also have one dog. Okay, now to the issue.
Nathan has lately been on the computer 24/7 and we feel it has negatively affecting him and he simply is unable to see it like that. We feel that the computer has begun to consume his life. He spends all day and night talking to his online friends playing Minecraft with them. He communicates with them on discord and has constantly communicating with them. He has been spending all night talking to them even though he should be going to sleep for school and has been struggling getting up to get ready for school and been falling asleep at school. He has been saying that he has been struggling going to sleep at night and believes he has insomnia (our family has a history of insomnia). I believe his sleeping issues is a result of his computer use. Before, he never really struggled going to sleep but now he has been having a ton of issues doing so. I won’t be surprised if he has/started to have insomnia because of this. As a result of the obsessive computer use, he has begun having back-lashes on not just our Mother, but our Grandma (we currently live with our Grandma and Grandpa), which isn’t good for her health.
He doesn’t know how to be quiet on the computer, especially at night. He is loud and often yells while on it. Our Papa and Mother can hear him at night. It has started to become a really serious issue. I’ve been professionally diagnosed with Insomnia and struggle falling asleep. Nathan’s inability to be quiet at night has started to affect my ability to sleep. I’ve used to being able to ignore it pretty well, but it has become a very serious issue lately and I have been having a very hard time falling asleep for school. I also won’t be surprised if it has also started to affect Papa’s ability to sleep as well, as he is right next to our door as we are right outside the living room.
His online friends aren’t much better. Him having online friends isn’t abnormal at all, but his current online friends I feel aren’t good for him. They actively encourage him to stay up all night with them (they are all around the same age as Nathan, or at least that is what they say). Nathan often falls asleep while on call with them, and they regularly wake him up, as they don’t want him falling asleep on them. He has an online girlfriend, in which to my knowledge she is the only one who is trying to get him to sleep at night (in which he refused to do so). He has been hanging out with them too much, as he isn’t just neglecting his real life friends but his older online friends too (in which I prefer a whole lot more than his current ones, which he became friends with 1-3 weeks ago). He used to be more active and hang out with his real life friends often, but he wants to stay inside 24/7 now and doesn’t hang out with his real life friends outside of school anymore. He is way too naive and too trusting of his online friends. As a result, he is easy to take advantage of. One example of this was that several of his friends apparently had a house in our city and Nathan wanted to get a job so he can help pay for the house (I don’t think they even showed evidence that this house was actually real). Our Mother luckily cut down that idea immediately. He is also surrounded by people who are suicidal online, which isn’t good for his mental health at all.
On top of neglecting his real life friends, he is also neglecting his family. He is really close to our Mother and I. He used to watch anime with our Mother, but he no longer does so. Nathan and I also used to watch anime together, play games together, and chat but we barely do any of that stuff anymore. He also would be eager to go out of the house with family but he no longer wants to. He either wants to hang out with his friends or is too tired to do so. Recently, he didn’t go to our cousin’s graduation and even my induction ceremony for National Honor Art Society because he was too tired. It also has been months since he went to our other cousins house as he is either too tired or wants to stay home (she isn’t our actual blood cousin, but we see each other as such. Nathan is really close to her as well). I admit I’m obsessed with my phone, but I know when I need to put it down and it hasn’t consume my life like it has Nathan. I’m an introvert and I don’t prefer going outside of the house, but I have been going outside the house with our Mother quite often. Nathan used to do the same but he no longer wants to.
With all this information, you may be wondering why we haven’t taken away the computer yet. There is a reason on why we haven’t. This is because if we did, he will become violent. If he does continue going on the computer at night, our Mother will take away the computer at night. Nathan knows this. She also is wanting to turn off the internet at night and before he goes to school, but we don’t know if we could do that just yet. One manipulative and toxic thing he does, which is extremely unhealthy, is that if our Mother threatens him with punishment, Nathan threatens his own life to try to get out of the punishment. This never works on our Mother as she knows these are hollow threats and she used to do the same (actually she used to be much worse and actually attempted suicide before. I don’t think Nathan even has the will for suicide) so she knows the signs and how to deal with the situation. I think he does this since he is constantly surrounded by people threatening their lives online, he now sees this as normal. Since he sees this as normal, he has begun doing the same to not just our Mother but other people (I’m guessing he learned to do this as he probably seen this work before with his friends doing the same).
All of this cumulated into Monday morning. The day before, Nathan was asleep all day and was up all night on the computer. He was being so loud that I had a very hard time falling asleep and it began to annoy me incredibly. I don’t know when he fell asleep but it’s obvious he stayed up all night, even though he knew we were going to school in the morning. We usually get up around one hours before school starts to get ready. This is also when he gets his medicine. When it was time to go, Nathan was still asleep in his pajamas. I couldn’t get him to wake up, and our Grandma had to be the one to wake him up (our Mother was at work). Our Grandpa had to drop me off at school without him, go back home, and then drop him off to school (we go to the same school). He was hard on our Grandma, in which I assume it took a little while to finally convince him to get up and get ready for school. This is incredibly stressful for our Grandma and is definitely not good for her health. As a result of this, it simply became too much for all of us and we need to find a way to get him help.
The Mental Hospital is our very last option, and we don’t want this at all. We simply don’t know what else we can do for him, as he needs help. Is their other methods/ways we can use to help him or is the mental hospital our only option? Btw, no methods/ways/punishments that include any sort of violence, as this won’t help him at all and he will retaliate back with more violence (our Mother is a lot more stronger than Nathan and she has incredibly hard punches. She has never punched Nathan before, but she has slapped him. Even though our Mother doesn’t like this, she will defend herself against Nathan if she ever needs to do so. She’ll never throw the first punch but she won’t hesitate to throw hands back. On the other hand, I’m incredibly weak and will fold like a lawn chair.)
tl;dr, My younger brother’s computer use has started to consume his life negatively in all aspects and we don’t know what else to do, as he simply refuses to see it like that.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The only way I think we can get another legitimately good show about Sheldon would be to wait about 15 years and then do an "Old Sheldon" series with Jim Parsons. I've heard people wanting a series focusing on Sheldon and Amy set a few years after TBBT. I've heard people wanting a series on Sheldon after he leaves Texas, but before meeting Leonard. I truly believe an Old Sheldon would be the superior spin-off.
They could go so many routes with the idea, as there is no existing lore to have to write around. Sheldon could have his genius grandchild dumped off with him because their parent (Sheldon's child) thinks he is the only person smart enough to mentor Sheldon 2.0. Sheldon could be at his wits end because his grandchild is giving him all the troubles that he used to give his own family. Maybe the genius grandchild is more akin to Paige, where they don't indulge in the rest of geek/nerd culture and it makes Sheldon struggle to relate. I could see him consulting missy (or even Paige) for advice on dealing with a "normal child" who wants to have fun and get in trouble when not nose deep in a physics textbook.
They could also ditch the grandchildren story beat and have Sheldon retire. Retirement would NOT suit Sheldon well, and the series could be about his struggles leaving the professional scientific community. Amy would plan a retirement vacation for Sheldon and the gang, which wouldn't go as expected because Sheldon keeps trying to sneak off to conduct science experiments. The gang would try to cover for him, all while things go comically wrong.
There is so many possible story beats and ways to make the original cast shine again, but in a different light.
-Penny checks on Sheldon while Amy is out of town to find him in the shower with a broken ankle. "Well, I guess I owe you," she'd say and she has to help dress a wrinkly old Sheldon and drive him to the hospital. She'd help care for him and sing him soft kitty (even though soft kitty is only for sick). Howard builds Sheldon powered wheelchair (at Leonard's request) so Penny doesn't have to dote on him hand and foot. Calamity would ensue as the wheelchair malfunctions.
-Instead of the Cal-tech cafeteria as a regular group hangout spot, they could all gather at a hospital cafeteria while waiting for Sheldon's doctor to come tell him he's not dying, just getting old. This will be a near-weekly occurrence.
-Raj could be the next Neil DeGrasse Tyson, where he goes in front of huge audiences and talks about astrophysics. He could have his selective mutism re-triggered, but towards large audiences instead of women. There could be a coupe funny episodes where old Raj has to have a few drinks before going on stage, which results in a big "back in my day" rant.
-Howard could go full mad scientist with all sorts of crazy, dangerous inventions that he freely hands out to his grandkids to retain the status of "cool grandpa." You could have a story beat where one of Howard's adult children takes his DeLorean time machine replica for a joy ride to impress a girl. Like any good sitcom, the car gets damaged. Howard gets angry about it, but ultimately uses it as a bonding experience when Howard's son discovers that Howard used to crazy stuff to try to impress women.
-Sheldon teaches physics at Cal-Tech after the passing of Steven Hawking. We find Sheldon at the point where HE is the old man scoffing at these new scientific ideas and calling them science fiction, and getting made fun of by new scholars in the field. He would be in the same position as Dr. Linkletter and Sturgis in the current season of YS.
The possibilities are endless.