Someone was saying that I should share it here. I'm working on getting a Pilgrim Noire as well soon. I'll be comparing it pretty soon.
“Not a Baby Anniliator”
This is an interesting iem. A lot of people have called this a baby Anniliator, but it’s not it’s different it’s it’s own monster. So there is a hint of disappointment to my ears as I want to say “Hey, this is just like the anniliator!” There is a trend to jump on the bandwagon. I could throw shade and try to call others out in a way, but I want this iem review to start off with some simple statement about what this iem is, and is not. This is a satisfying iem, that is well worth the price, but it isn’t exactly what an Anniliator is.
This is a purchased set. I had to move a few headphones around to be able to afford this set. While purchasing or samples can effect how a reviewer might want to review, I try to remain unbiased when possible.
This is a personal product and I am fully happy with my purchase. I really enjoy this iem. I was able to demo it at Can Jam 2023. I would never recommend buying any iem past say 200 dollars if you haven’t demoed it first. Maybe your limit is higher, but that’s my default recommendation to all. I try to tell the story of purchase or acquisition whenever I buy an iem. I asked Hifigo about this iem and told them that I was interested in reviewing it, I did buy this iem with my own cash and had to move some gear around to afford this.
Let me share what music that I listen to:
Song Choice: Tidal list here:
I listen to a wide variety of music. I pick the songs because of various reasons. But I picture myself locked away like Andy Dufresne from Shawshank blasting music and shut off from the world. It’s a blissful image.
The Marriage of Figaro -The opera song from Shawshank Redemption, terrible recording but fun and gets me in the mood to listen to music.
O mio Babino caro -This is a modern less operatic version but a song with great female vocals.
Video Rigoletto - “La donna e mobile” Sung by one of the three Tenors, great song for high-performing male vocals. Pavarotti is the greatest classic singer maybe ever. Fight me!
Iron man - The sound at the beginning is hard to make sound great, great drums, and cymbals, and if done right it feels like an old-school band.
I Will Survive (1981 recording, I like her voice, and the old vocals, the drums, and various natural instruments really make this a favorite for me.
There is a light That never goes out - Smiths ( A classic, I just love it. It’s mellow, and I can tell a lot of the tuning if this song is done right.)
Jump (I like how the sound effects are in this!)
Star Child Someone recommended this song to me, and I like how funky it sounds and has nice vocals and a mix of music and things going on.
Dicke Titten Ramstein The beginning is amazing and the bass hits hard. Great song. I love rock and metal. The German language fascinates me
Master of Puppets: Very fast song. Helps me determine if the driver can keep up.
This is a newer version of my 10 favorite songs that also work for audiofile music.
This is a copy of a bunch of good audiofile music. Some are on my favorites, but all are great to test headphone tracks. (70+)
This is my favorite overall music. 300+ songs (needs to be edited a bit)
Bass (20-60 Sub Bass, 60-250 Hz Mid Bass)
The details of the bass is strong and everything sounds right on it. The bass seems well-controlled and fun. One thing the Pilgrim isn’t is lean, it has a nice tonality that is very suiting and pleasant. I do find the quality of the bass is correct. I feel percussions on it sound great. The iem is clean and lush even in the bass.
The Above is my Targe with the Bass only on the Pilgrim. It’s a nice fit!
Midrange (250 HZ to 800 HZ Low Mids, 600-200 Hz Mids, 2000-5000Hz Upper Mids)
The timber and tone is great on this iem, people have described it as near perfect or class leading and they aren’t joking. It is basically perfect for what I want out of an iem. . It has nothing that will often plague other iems. No weird plastic feeling, voices sound right with no plastic feeling.
I don’t find it shouty but fun, smoothe and enjoyable. The Timbre of this iem is lush and energetic. This comes across slightly energetic and U shaped, but is still a smooth listen and very enjoyable.
Treble (5000- 10000 Trebble/Highs, 10000 ++ HZ Upper Trebble & Air)
The 5-6k region which is still fairly accurate on a 711 coupler is very hot for me. This might be an issue with some people. I personally prefer sets that have this down a lot more. Is this an issue, no in fact in just reviewed a set that had a peak around that level. But for what I am used to the 5-6k region comes across very bright.
The treble is a good part of this set and this iem has great detail and sparkle for me. No issues here. I’m able to game, listen to music, and a podcast all at once with this iem. It has incredible details that come across in the treble. Looking at the frequency response I would think it would sound neutral or boring without the 3k spike, but I enjoyed it. All the music that I listen to sounds great and I feel that it has a wide beautiful soundstage.
Gaming
Gaming is great on this iem, it’s cozy and has a world class feeling of fit to me. Details sparkle for me, but the treble and space aren’t much better than the Hexa, it is fairly similar and on about the same level. It has a beautiful open and clean sound. The stage isn’t too wide, but just right. Detail retrieval during fights is immaculate, and the imaging vertically and horizontally is fantastic. It has great imaging and a good sense of where I am.
Shell -
The shell is pretty, it fits great and I find it an exceptional fit. I’m not a huge fan of metallic shells but this iem feels great in ear. It feels pretty great in ear. I had some minor concerns over the shell of the iem, and I was pleasantly surprised.
Case- The case have an odd feeling and doesn’t feel as good in the hands that it looks. It has a beautiful look, but the inside has a ridge aroud that it doesn’t feel super durable. Almost like a cardboard ridge that could be destroyed very easily. Overall it’s a nice case that feels and looks great. I took it to work to do some testing and it worked great for my use.
Cable- The cable comes in 3.5 or 4.4. I would recommend to chose carefully as it is a pennaconn cable and those are expensive to come by. Overall the cable is very nice and premium feeling. I was concerned about the cable. But it feel durable in hand and thick.
Tip Selection - The tips are Spinfits W1, they are the same used in the anniliator. I found myself using Eletech Baroque tips, as the iem was having a slight issue staying in my ear.
Comparisons:
Vs Anni 2023
Ok, vs the iem of the same brand that, I own and love. The bass is better a tad more rich and organic, the upper treble isn’t as natural, but it’s close, it’s so close. The midbass in the anniliator is much better, and the overall natural tone of the anniliator is better by a lot to my ears. This doesn’t mean the Pilgrim is a bad iem, but to me it just a strong iem that isn’t exactly perfect. Some people might even like The Pilgrim better as the sound is a little bit more organic. I always say to demo anything over say 200 dollars when possible, and take everything with a grain of salt.
It amplifies the slightly odd fun treble of the anniliator up to 10. Some people might be reminded of how bright the annilator sounds, but to my ears the Pilgrim is brighter, almost plastically so. It’s a unique experience. Again, the Pilgrim is a very good iem, I’m using my audiophile microscope here. But using that, the Pilgrim is brighter, the Annilaitor has better vocals, bass, and more balanced treble with a better fit. It by no means takes “Anni’s” place to me in the market. Despite being a very solid and nice product.
Vs Hype 4. (The similar price)
Let’s compare the iem that I’m reviewing vs an iem that is of the same price. I think the mids of hype 4 are slightly better. I like the eargain region of the Hype 4 better. I wouldnt’ call the hype 4 much better, just a different colorization of sound. I think the Hype 4 has a more mainstream tuning for those looking for something similar to JM-1 curve.
The Pilgrim is brighter, but to my ears sounds more technical and right. But it is a close comparison as their graphs are somewhat similar. They trade blows and are both very good iems. At their prices I recommend both, one isn’t better than the other. The Hype 4 would be my recommendation as I like the resin shell a bit more, and I think the sound is a little less colored. The Pilgrim is slightly flavored and fun, and an overall masterful sound for it’s price. Like if I wanted to recommend to someone in the hobby who had only 400 dollars I’d say go Pilgrim easy, but to someone who wanted a one and done set to ride off into the sunset, I’d go Hype 4.
VS MEGA 5 EST
This is the that hype tuning that many are searching for. If you want to experience that hype tuning the Xuan NV might be the better source for you. The Pilgrim is a very good set with slightly recessed Male Vocals and female vocals, but it is still very nice. Obviously, demo both, but if I had to recommend one over the other I’d go with Pilgrim due to its much cheaper price. I really didn’t like the Mega 5 EST, but don’t find it a poor iem, just dull. The Pilgrim isn’t dull and has better bass and better air and technicalities. The Mega 5 est is more neutral and plain and lacks anything of excitement to me. It feels like a iem made in a factory by robots and doesn’t get me exciting. Just way to neutral and bland.
But again, demo everything first.
VS Aful 5
Similiar tonality in someways. It is much better than the P5. But has some similarities and it is an option that gets you pretty close to the tonality of this iem. Personally I think the Aful 5 might be a better value, but the Pilgrim is a great set if you can afford it. If you can’t and only have money for a cheaper set, the Aful Performer 5 is my recommendation at the cheaper price point.
Sound - Final Impressions
While this iem is very good, and almost perfect especially at it’s price it doesn’t fall into the category of “BLIND BUY THIS NAO!!!”, but more of yeah it’s pretty good, enjoyable, but not an Annilator. I welcome the day an iem takes or beats the 2023 Elysian Annilator for me, but this aint it. It’s a super good iem, that I would feel is competitive with it’s peers and either class leading or better. I recently review the hype 4 and loved it. I think the Pilgrim is on par with the Hype 4, and maybe better sonically. I think both of these 400ish dollar iems are better than MANY 1000+ sets that I’ve listened to. But again, all my opinions are based on my ears and your mileage might vary.
Recommended EQ: I use Peace APO to EQ on the PC. This EQ is done to my preference. I recently set up a preference curve on My Squig. So for at least iems, I can use my own graphs now. Please feel free to use the measurements as you want.. Jaytiss.squig.link
Overall this is an amazing iem that could easily be a game for most. The goal for me with an iem is to have an that doesn’t need EQ. This iem, does sound better to me with this eq, more neutral and less colored.
Preamp: -2.1 dB
Filter 1: ON PK Fc 34 Hz Gain 1.9 dB Q 0.700
Filter 2: ON PK Fc 150 Hz Gain 0.7 dB Q 2.000
Filter 3: ON PK Fc 670 Hz Gain 0.7 dB Q 1.200
Filter 4: ON PK Fc 1400 Hz Gain -1.7 dB Q 2.000
Filter 5: ON PK Fc 3700 Hz Gain 3.3 dB Q 1.900
Filter 6: ON PK Fc 5600 Hz Gain -4.4 dB Q 2.000
Filter 7: ON PK Fc 7900 Hz Gain 1.5 dB Q 1.200
Filter 8: ON PK Fc 9500 Hz Gain 3.1 dB Q 2.000
Filter 9: ON PK Fc 12000 Hz Gain -2.2 dB Q 0.500
Filter 10: OFF PK Fc 0 Hz Gain 0.0 dB Q 0.000
Gifting/who is it for: I think this is a nice hifi iem to gift to someone, it is an expensive iem but overall it’s a solid package that sounds fantastic. It’s a handsome shell, good looking cable, but it is a little too white for my take. If price wasn’t a concern I’d probably consider the Noire due to a superior color and $350 dollar included cable. But the packaging of the Pilgrim is very much so on point and very enjoyable.
I do think this is a worth mainstream iem for the masses and gives you a taste of the Elysian sound. It may or may not be the best dollar-for-dollar iem for your tastes, but it is an exceptional product that is exceedingly enjoyable from a packing sound and build quality. I have no doubt these shells will surivie the Zombie Apocalypse.
Pairing: I used a Quidelix 5k for mobile, my dongle Dac iBasso DC04 for my laptop, and my JDS labs Element III MK2 Boosted for my Desktop PC. I also tried the iem briefly on the Apple dongle as well. This iem had no issues being driven. Typically I only find overears to really have a hard time being driven and maybe some planar iems. (I personally am not a huge mmcx or planar fan.)

Summary-
I’ve recently redone my ranking system to include a gaming/comfort quality, an overall rating along with Crinacle style rating. I am also releasing a video on Youtube at the
I have a Youtube review on my small channel if anyone wants to check it out.

Yesterday someone posted a thread on FreeFolk asking whether Sansa would make a good queen. It was inundated with the usual hate spam, and then OP deleted their post.
Of course I had been writing a rebuttal and posted late to the thread. I doubt anyone even saw it before OP deleted, which is, you know… frustrating.
Luckily this sub exists! Maybe some of you will enjoy the read. :)
First of all, everything after S4 is D&D’s fanfic, Sansa’s arc most of all. S5 was when they merged her with Jeyne Poole, which should make no goddamn sense to anyone with even a passing knowledge of the books. Sansa is far too valuable an asset for Littlefinger to give away to anyone he can’t control, least of all a bastard he knows nothing about.
GRRM especially hated this major plot change:

My Littlefinger would have never turned Sansa over to Ramsay. Never. He’s obsessed with her. Half the time he thinks she’s the daughter he never had—that he wishes he had, if he’d married Catelyn. And half the time he thinks she is Catelyn, and he wants her for himself. He’s not going to give her to somebody who would do bad things to her. That’s going to be very different in the books.

Sansa will never marry into House Bolton, she will never again be reduced to a sadist’s plaything, as she was in King’s Landing under Joffrey. D&D retreaded that plot because they’re creatively bankrupt and use sexual violence as a substitute for female character development.
And yet at the same time, it is likely Sansa is destined to be Queen in the North in the books as well.

The major points of the ending will be things I told them five or six years ago. But there may also be changes, and there’ll be a lot added.

The North going independent with Sansa as its queen probably qualifies as a major point.
The changes GRRM has emphasized in his blog have centered on characters who were dropped from the show adaptation altogether.

There are characters who never made it onto the screen at all, and others who died in the show but still live in the books… so if nothing else, the readers will learn what happened to Jeyne Poole, Lady Stoneheart, Penny and her pig, Skahaz Shavepate, Arianne Martell, Darkstar, Victarion Greyjoy, Ser Garlan the Gallant, Aegon VI, and a myriad of other characters both great and small that viewers of the show never had the chance to meet.

So Sansa, being a major character who wasn’t dropped in the adaptation, will likely have a similar fate in the books—and that feels absolutely right to me.
Years ago I read on one of the subs how Sansa’s character development evokes another famous redhead: Elizabeth I. How she spent her youth being hunted, romantically manipulated, and gradually learning how to be an independent ruler, a queen controlling her own destiny after spending her youth as a mere pawn.
Then when I first read about Doran and Oberyn Martell, I immediately had a vision of Sansa and Arya following their path. Sansa as the steady, cautious ruler at home with Arya as the rogue adventurer, the passionate defender of the North as Oberyn defended Dorne. I thought it was deliberate parallelism, which is so GRRM’s thing. East and West, North and South. What did Quaithe say?

To go north, you must journey south. To reach the west, you must go east. To go forward you must go back, and to touch the light you must pass beneath the shadow.

This isn’t just about Dany. Thematically, this is how he likes to build his world. The Children of the Forest beyond the Wall in the far north of Westeros, the native Lengii in the south of Essos, with their large golden eyes and skin the color of teak—the same features as CotF, only they’re eight feet tall! But just like the CotF, they dwell in subterranean ruins where they commune with the “Old Ones” (their version of 3ER / Bloodraven?) and wage war against foreign invaders (CotF fighting against the First Men.)
Even the architecture is mirrored. The Five Forts and the Wall. The Hightower and Storm’s End. (Storm’s End in the books is supposed to be just a single massive drum tower, though the show and so many depictions of it in the fandom include multiple smaller stone towers… which really annoys me. Anyway.) A watchtower to the west, a watchtower to the east.
And in-universe, there’s that book about the fallout from the Dance, When Women Ruled. During a major war, the men tend to get themselves killed, so in the aftermath it’s their widows, mothers, sisters who pick up the pieces and carry on.
So there was the mechanism. Just as the brothers ruled Dorne, the sisters would eventually rule the North, once their brothers got themselves killed. (Or crippled or exiled, as the case might be.)
There’s even a fine Northern tradition supporting this outcome. In the winter, Northmen look on it as their duty to walk out into the snows and die when food stocks run low. The men die so the women and children can survive. This is also why the Winter Wolves are a thing—if you’re gonna die anyway, why not take a few Southron cunts out with you?
They don’t even have to be Southron. Boltons will do in a pinch.

Winter is almost upon us, boy. And winter is death. I would sooner my men die fighting for the Ned’s little girl than alone and hungry in the snow, weeping tears that freeze upon their cheeks. No one sings songs of men who die like that. As for me, I am old. This will be my last winter. Let me bathe in Bolton blood before I die. I want to feel it spatter across my face when my axe bites deep into a Bolton skull. I want to lick it off my lips and die with the taste of it on my tongue.

So there you have it. The scene is set for Ned’s daughters to carry on after this whole bloody mess is over, one way or another. And between the two of them, Sansa has the patience for ruling.
She also has the education.
Sansa has spent her entire adolescence learning statecraft.
Mostly, she’s learned by bad example. Joffrey showed her the depths of cruelty, selfishness, utter disdain for the people, cowardice, tyranny.
Cersei showed her how brittle power was when born our of fear.

“The night’s first traitors,” the queen said, “but not the last, I fear. Have Ser Ilyn see to them, and put their heads on pikes outside the stables as a warning.” As they left, she turned to Sansa. “Another lesson you should learn, if you hope to sit beside my son. Be gentle on a night like this and you’ll have treasons popping up all about you like mushrooms after a hard rain. The only way to keep your people loyal is to make certain they fear you more than they do the enemy.”
“I will remember, Your Grace,” said Sansa, though she had always heard that love was a surer route to the people’s loyalty than fear. If I am ever a queen, I’ll make them love me.

And her aunt Lysa taught her how foolish it is to put all your faith in a man. How even when you think you’re safe, you’re not. How dangerous it is to isolate yourself from the people you rule, locked away in your ivory tower. A ruler must continuously engage with her lords if she wants their continued support. †
And of course Sansa had plenty of good examples, too. She studied under Littlefinger and Tyrion and Margaery & Olenna. All different philosophies of playing the game, and she took a little something from each of them.
IMO, Sansa has one of the most satisfying character arcs. Unlike, e.g., Arya, who is likable from the beginning and continues to be likable throughout her story (static character development) Sansa is dynamic. She is intentionally painted as an antagonist at first, a feminine foil ‡ for her tomboy sister, and then gradually she earns the sympathy of the reader through suffering. Every thoughtless frivolous decision she makes as a child she is forced to pay for, enduring years of misery and trauma. And yet it doesn’t break her. She grows into a mature, self-possessed young woman.
So yes, I do think Sansa will make a good queen. She’s been on that path in the books for quite a while, and we’re just now seeing her blossom into her full power, working her magic on Harry the Heir. (From Harry the Heir, she can obtain control over the Vale Knights and use them to retake Winterfell. But I’ve gone into that before, and this comment is too long already.)
† There’s a lesson Jon never learned. He isolated himself at the Wall, sending his friends away and making unpopular, unilateral decisions that alienated the men under his command. He was murdered because of that.
Then he did it again as King in the North, answering Dany’s summons personally when all his lords begged him not to. Send an emissary, Sansa pleaded. But no, he went himself—and Lord Glover marched his five hundred men back to Deepwood Motte. Jon nearly lost the support of all his lords once he gave up his crown.
Worst of all, he gave up that crown for love, not politics, and not for the North. He offered to bend the knee after Dany had already pledged to destroy the Night King and his army to avenge the death of Viserion. She had stopped demanding Jon bend the knee first, yet he gave his crown away for nothing. A smart king would have withheld his oath until she delivered on her pledge, after the war was won, so his lords could see her worthiness for themselves. But Jon was thinking with his little head.
‡ This is literally why Sansa was created. In GRRM’s very early drafts, there was only one Stark sister, and she was at the apex of a love triangle with Tyrion and Jon Snow. ಠ_ಠ Later GRRM decided to divide Arya’s stories in two, giving Sansa the Lannister political arc while Arya retained the heroic action story culminating in protecting her baby brother Bran beyond the Wall—which is what happened on the show, only it was at the Winterfell heart tree instead.
And this is why I find all the infighting between Sansa and Arya fans so stupid and unnecessary. The sisters have always been two halves of a whole, or as Ned put it, the sun and the moon:

Let me tell you something about wolves, child. When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. Summer is the time for squabbles. In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths. So if you must hate, Arya, hate those who would truly do us harm. Septa Mordane is a good woman, and Sansa… Sansa is your sister. You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you… and I need both of you, gods help me.

This is such beautiful imagery. It’s probably my favorite quote from the whole series, and it foreshadows how much Sansa and Arya will lean on each other when they reunite as young women. Carrying on together, for the good of the family and the North, as their father always hoped they would.

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Old-Scool Diet 2.O
"A comprehensive article on bodybuilding diet minutiae - and SO MUCH MORE
What follows is my version of an old school (mid-80s to early 90s) bodybuilding fat-loss diet/regimen, with an updated (2020's) dietary supplementation plan. This type of diet was very popular when I was a child and produced results for many who used it. I was reminded of such diets by bodybuilding writers such as John Romano, who wrote about the basic bodybuilding diet in an issue of Muscular Development sometime around 2008.
Although renowned for its simplicity, it can become somewhat monotonous. The key tenets of this type of fat loss diet are 1) being in a slightly negative caloric balance, 2) using a simplified shopping list of 15 or fewer items, and 3) taking in large amounts of protein, a moderately large amount of carbohydrates, and a small/modest amount of dietary fat.
You will consume 3-4 "whole-food" meals per day along with 1-3 protein shakes (more on workout days and less on off days). You should drink at least 1 gallon worth of calorie-free liquids per day.... the closer you get to 1.5 gal and even 2 gal (if you're really big) the better.
The Shopping List
So, you're at the grocery store and you're in and out within 10 minutes. You don't care about the weekly sales (unless they involve one of your "weekly 15" items). Thus, grocery shopping becomes a snap.
As for the items themselves, a basic "old school" bodybuilding diet would likely contain:

1. Eggs
2. Milk (skim or 2% or UF/CFM)
3. Chicken Breast (boneless and skinless)
4. Tuna chunk light, canned
5. Cottage Cheese (2-4%) & red-fat cheese
6. Lean Gr Beef or Sirloin, NY strip, etc Steak
7. Rice
8. Oatmeal
9. Whole wheat (or white) Bread
10. Apples
11. Oranges
12. Pasta
13. Frozen Berries
14. Bananas
15. Broccoli

Of course, you can rotate in other vegetables such as corn on the cob, salad greens, and lettuces (with light balsamic or low-carb vinaigrette dressing if a salad) etc etc.
Eating a variety of wholesome foods that are (by and large) as unprocessed (aside from rice and oatmeal which must be processed as well as some dairy items) as possible typically means you'll be getting a wide spectrum of nutrients, including both macro and micronutrients. A daily multivitamin/mineral tablet can ensure you're filling any gaps in micronutrient needs (vitamins and minerals). As for macronutrients, this diet provides the bulk of its calories as protein and carbohydrate with only about 10% of the daily calorie allotment being reserved for fats.
What is the logic behind the macronutrient breakdown?
You'll be eating about 45-50 percent of your calories as carbohydrates and 40-45 percent as protein with only 10-15% as fat.
Why 45-50% as carbohydrate? Carbohydrate is stored in the liver and muscles as a substance called glycogen. For every gram of glycogen stored within the body, there are 2.7 grams of water attached. This gives the muscles a pumped appearance and feeling. This also means the muscles are well stocked with stored energy. The majority of your weight training sessions will involve anaerobic exercise. This type of exercise utilizes the glycolytic energy pathway to generate ATP or Adenosine Tri Phosphate.
(Note: The amino-acid-based dietary supplement Creatine also supports ATP synthesis by donating Phosphate to ADP).
Having adequate amounts of both calories and carbohydrates helps prevent dietary-induced drops in TSH.... or Thyroid Stimulating Hormone. This, in theory (and empirical practice) keeps one's metabolism humming and prevents one from "drying out." Simply put, you'll get great pumps in the gym thanks to all that stored water (remember 2.7 grams of water is stored per gram of glycogen).
Energy-rich carbohydrates (grains and fruits) differ from fiber-rich vegetables. Not only do energy-rich carbohydrates provide far more calories but the calories they supply raise blood glucose levels markedly and rapidly. These types of carbohydrates are more easily broken down into simple sugars (glucose etc). Simple sugars and carbohydrates such as rice and white bread are termed high-glycemic (they spike serum blood sugar and insulin levels) while whole wheat or rye bread and things like oatmeal and non-starchy vegetables are deemed low-glycemic.
To be completely forthright and technical all carbohydrates and macronutrients provide energy. The phytonutrients, micronutrients, and fiber aside, carbohydrates simply provide a "higher octane" energy (than protein or fat). ATP is regenerated via the glycolytic energy pathway; carbohydrates stoke the glycolytic energy pathway most efficiently. Despite this, carbohydrates are technically unessential.
Fat and in particular protein can both be used to create carbohydrates. And both fat and protein can supply energy. But fat and protein contain essential nutrients the body cannot manufacture. These essential nutrients are essential fatty acids (EFAs) and essential amino acids (EAAs).
What about Protein?
Because you're getting roughly half of your calories from carbohydrates the protein you take in will likely be spared from providing energy - at least that's what we're hoping for. You're going to shoot for 1 gram of protein per pound of body weight. The actual range of values would be between 0.8g/lb to 1.4g/lb (grams of protein per pound).
You're going to want to consume high-quality, complete protein from sources such as meat, poultry, fish, and dairy. If you have 4 meals and a shake and are taking in let's say 225 grams of protein per day that works out to 45 grams per "feeding." To be more realistic we'll simply say take in between 40-50 grams of protein per feeding.
Protein supplies nitrogen and the "building blocks" of skeletal muscle tissue (amino acids). Protein is essential because 8-10 amino acids are considered essential (other amino acids can become essential in certain situations or circumstances, they are called conditionally essential amino acids).
If you're 200 lbs taking in 1.25 grams protein per pound of bodyweight you're consuming 250 grams of protein per day. Protein contains 4 calories per gram. Thus you'd be consuming 1,000 calories of protein. At 45-50% of total daily calories, carbohydrates would comprise app 1.25x worth of calories as compared to protein. Thus, carbohydrates would come to 1,250 calories. Total daily calories would thus far be 2,250.
2,250 divided by 0.9 yields 250 calories, and at 9 calories per gram that would afford us a mere (roughly) 25 grams of fat. I would at least double this figure (not counting supplemental fats). 50 grams of fat adds 450 calories. 450 plus 2,250 yields 2,700 calories total. Thus, your diet breakdown will be closer to 16-20% fat (20% when including supplemental EFAs), 40% protein, and 40-45% carbohydrate).
Note: If need be, you can cut down carbohydrates by a few hundred calories and increase your protein consumption. This would change the dietary breakdown to roughly 40/40/20 (popularized by Barry Sears as the Zone diet).
You'll want to stay on this diet for a week and record how you felt, what you ate, and how well you slept. Every other day weigh yourself after your morning shit, shower and shave. If you maintain your weight the 2,700 calorie mark is your body's "set-point target." To reduce excess weight (fat) reduce your total daily calories by roughly 10-15 percent and exercise 3-5 days per week. Include cardiovascular training in addition to your weight lifting to further speed up your fat loss efforts. You can do LISS (low-intensity steady state) cardio (walking) or you can do HIIT (High-intensity interval training) cardio 2-5 times per week. Personally, I would choose 5 45-minute leisurely walks over other forms of cardio.
What about "fat burners?"
When people say "fat burners" they're referring to thermogenic agents which speed up the body's metabolism by some 5% or so (5-8% for an hour or two). In the 90s both Phentermine and the ECA stack were popular. These catecholamine-based compounds were potent appetite suppressants, particularly phentermine. The ECA stack was/is also a beta-adrenergic agonist. Since then a host of other supposedly "thermogenic" compounds and preparations have come into the limelight. Yerba Mate comes to mind, as do the popular OTC products Xenadrine and Hydroxycut. Even plain old caffeine is sometimes considered a first-rate "fat burner."
The truth is these products barely increase metabolic rate enough to make much of a difference. Most of their worth comes from their appetite-suppressant effects. Now, I'm not saying if you're suddenly prescribed Adderall or start smoking ice you won't lose weight - you will. It's simply that most weight loss, even from strong stimulants, comes from their appetite-suppressant effects.
The only "fat burners" that truly increase fat burning without the need for appetite suppression are L Carnitine and Cardarine. Cardarine is a peroxisome proliferator-activated receptor-delta agonist. Cardarine enhances lipolysis during exercise. Training increases energy availability by promoting catabolism of proteins, and gluconeogenesis, whereas GW501516 enhances specific consumption of fatty acids and reduces glucose utilization. L Carnitine can be beneficial to exercise performance and fat loss; paradoxically it also suppresses T3, or active thyroid hormone.
T3 or Cytomel can be used to markedly increase resting metabolic rate, but "T3 burns through muscle and fat indiscriminately." You can reduce the amount of muscle tissue being burned and attenuate the reductions in "muscle pump" experienced when supplementing with extra T3.
To do so you'll need to drink water like a camel and supplement your diet with beetroot crystals and citrulline malate. You'll also want to utilize Tadalafil or Cialis. Surprisingly, aside from increasing the pump one experiences from lifting weights Cialis also increases fat burning and creates more BAT (Brown adipose Tissue as compared to WAT... white adipose tissue), relatively speaking. BAT is metabolically active and behaves more like muscle in this respect.
To reduce muscle loss while on higher doses of T3 nothing short of AAS (@ least 200-300 mg/wk, if not 400mg + per week) will truly help. SARMS such as RAD-140 may be of some (yet limited) value. To be honest I would avoid T3 supplementation unless also using Testosterone (Enanthate 400mg/wk) or other AAS.
As for fats, their consumption is largely incidental on this diet and comes from the dairy, red meat, poultry, occasional salad, or handful of mixed nuts one might expect to consume if adhering to the aforementioned dietary principles .
This means the amount of saturated fat as compared to MUFAs or PUFAs will be somewhat high. To remedy this one can consume tuna packed in soybean oil as well as by supplementing 3x per day with triple concentrated, enteric-coated, fish oil capsules. These fish oil capsules break down in the small intestine and there are no fishy burps with them thanks to that enteric coating. They are extremely rich in the special fatty acids EPA and DHA, Eicosapentaenoic acid and Docosohexanoic acid.
One might also supplement with an Udo's Omega 3:6:9 blend of daily supplemental oil.
As for specialty fats, one must purchase the next two in supplement form. CLA is conjugated linoleic acid and it helps improve body composition over time by increasing muscle mass and decreasing fat mass. Sesamin has a host of potential health benefits. Together these two designer fats can markedly improve physical aesthetics, health, and overall well-being.
Finally, there is GLA or gamma linoleic acid. Unless you eat a lot of cashews you'll want to get this fatty acid in supplement form as well.
Note: You needn't supplement every specialty fatty acid mentioned to reap benefits from each fatty acid you choose to use.
The GOLDEN RULE of DIETING: CICO
Calories in vs. calories out. It's so simple yet so misunderstood. When you reduce dieting down to its least common denominator it's CICO you're left with. If you aren't gaining or losing weight you're at an established set-point. You're at current equilibrium. It also means you're essentially burning just about every calorie you take in (burning every single calorie to be more precise, it's just the body's ebbs and flows and an equilibrium setpoint is usually somewhat elastic ).
If you begin to regularly consume more calories than your BMTMR allot (and than you burn via daily movement and exercise), you will put on additional body mass (including both fat and skeletal muscle). If you begin to consume less than your BMTMR allot, and/or begin exercising yourself into a negative caloric balance, you will lose weight, typically a combination of fat and muscle (but usually far more fat than muscle, particularly if one lifts weights throughout).
Note: BMTMR = Basal & Total Metabolic Rate
So are all macronutrients equal then? I mean, do all macronutrients convert into ATP at the same efficiency rate?
Technically no they do not. Protein is far less efficient in its conversion to ATP as compared to fat or carbohydrate. Thus, it takes MORE protein to create "x" amount of ATP. Remember, ATP stands for adenosine triphosphate. It is the body's preferred cellular fuel for high-intensity, high-octane activities. In this sense, protein's inefficiency in converting to ATP means a calorie really isn't a calorie after all. (Because) It takes more protein calories to create "x" amount of ATP than if one were creating that same "x" amount of ATP from carbohydrate or fat calories.
Now that that anomaly is out of the way it's best to simply memorize CICO, calories in vs. calories out, irrespective of macronutrient source. This is the most practical, tried and true way to diet scientifically.
So you've established your caloric allotment for metabolic equilibrium and lowered that figure by 10-15%. You've added in 3-4 30-minute LISS cardio sessions per week in addition to 4 weight-lifting workouts. You're beginning to lose weight week in and week out and then your progress slows and eventually stalls. Your body has become accustomed to the lower calories and the extra workload. Unfortunately, aside from supplementing your diet with substances such as Cardarine or Clenbuterol, there is little more you can do outside of dropping calories once more.... (or adding even more cardio).
Over time these successive reductions in calorie allotment lead to a reduction in TSH, or thyroid stimulating hormone. It's the body's way of slowing things down in an effort to maintain homeostasis. To continue improving body composition one mustn't merely lose as much fat as possible, but also must maintain the muscle mass one has - or even build a bit. Now I'll come right out and say it, if you're 6-10 weeks into a strict fat loss diet you're not going to be concerned with building additional muscle unless you're using Testosterone and/or other AAS and PEDs. Even then, if juicing quite a bit, at some point building muscle transitions into preserving muscle. No matter how much you're pinning if you aren't eating enough calories you simply cannot (physiologically) add appreciable lean fat-free body mass.
To boost the body's T3 levels one can supplement directly with T3 (Cytomel) or with pro-active-thyroid T4 (converts to T3 in body; Synthroid). There is supplemental T2 but I advise readers to steer clear of this thyroid analogue. Another way of boosting T3 levels, and a legal, natural way to boot, is by having periodic carbohydrate-rich refeeds and higher calorie days. Have a carbohydrate-rich meal every 3 days if on a lower carbohydrate diet as well as a higher calorie day once every seven to ten days whether on a mixed macronutrient or a lower carbohydrate type diet.
How many meals do you need to eat per day?
While there is potentially some slight advantage to eating several smaller to moderately sized meals spaced evenly throughout the day the science says "when you eat the bulk of your calories makes little to no difference." So if you'd rather have two larger-sized 1,350 calorie meals and then intermittently fast for the rest of your wake-sleep cycle (or "day" whether a 1st, 2nd, or 3rd shifter etc) go ahead. That said, I would personally recommend at least 2-3 whole food-based meals and 1-3 protein shakes per day for best results in the gym. As for weight loss, remember it boils down to CICO: whether you have 10 270-calorie mini-meals or one 2,700-calorie smorgasbord makes practically no difference.
What about enhancing insulin sensitivity and improving glucose metabolism while imparting a nutrient-partitioning effect?
I first learned of the term Glucose Disposal Agent while reading Dan Duchaine's Underground BodyOpus. Dan was recommending an isocaloric diet at one point but I believe he'd moved onto cyclical ketogenic-type dieting by the early to mid-90s - and obviously by the time he wrote Underground BodyOpus. Because catecholamines work better in low (serum) insulin environments and because high levels of insulin in the blood render fat-burning enzymes such as HSL largely inert, it is a good idea to release as little insulin as is necessary/possible. Postprandial serum insulin concentrations share a direct correlation with postprandial (after a meal) blood glucose levels. To help optimize glucose metabolism and loweoptimize postprandial glucose numbers far more efficiently - while also driving nutrient partitioning by enhancing the selective expression of GLUT 4 (on muscle cells and not fat cells), one should consider the use of glucose disposal agents such as Na R ALA and Berberine HCL.
Over time the use of GDAs improves insulin sensitivity markedly, assisting in the significant attenuation of metabolic syndrome. Berberine alone has been shown in some clinical trials to perform as good or better than the popular diabetic medication Metformin. Na R ALA is the most bioavailable form of alpha lipoic acid and you need only 250mg 2-3x/day to reap major benefits. If you use the cheaper form of alpha lipoic acid use 400-700 mg 2-3x/day.
To these two GDAs I would recommend a form of Vanadium, Vanadyl Sulfate. I would also add a form of chromium, either chromium picolinate or chromium polynicotinate. There are scores of various GDA or GDA-like compounds to choose from. For the most bang for your buck start and stick with this 4 part GDA stack before adding additional GDA compounds into the mix.
Note: If you combine the regular use of GDAs with a modified lower or low-carb diet one can literally reverse Type 2 Diabetes, particularly if the disease is in its early onset stage(s).
Maintaining Energy (to train intensely) while on a reduced-calorie diet
When you lift weights getting that all too familiar "pump" feels amazing. Arnold Schwarzenegger once compared it to sexual release - even going so far as to claim the "pump was better than cumming." I would have to disagree with Mr. Schwarzenegger on that, but I will concede that getting a vein-bursting, skin-splitting pump (obviously I'm embellishing: no pump bursts veins or splits the skin) gives one a major short-term motivational boost as well as an endorphin rush. It also feels great and makes one look more muscular and vascular. But getting a great pump while in a major caloric deficit, particularly if one is restricting carbohydrates, becomes difficult to say the least. So how does one boost the body's high-octane "energy" source, ATP, without taking in extra calories?
If you were unaware that ATP can be supplemented directly (orally), now you know. PEAK ATP is a well-known ATP supplement. In addition to supplementing directly with ATP one can also utilize Creatine Monohydrate (or other forms of creatine) to behave as a Phosphate donor. Creatine is stored within the body as creatine phosphate. Creatine phosphate donates its phosphate ring to ADP, or Adenosine Di-Phosphate, creating ATP, or Adenosine Tri-Phosphate. As you know ATP is the body's preferred "high-octane" cellular-energy-medium. Creatine and ATP are both important to high-intensity anaerobic exercise. But what about boosting the glycolytic energy pathway?
The body utilizes glucose and stored glycogen to replenish ATP. When glucose/glycogen is in low supply the body will utilize glycogenic amino acids (in a process called gluconeogenesis) to boost serum glucose concentrations, especially while involved in intense exercise such as weight lifting (bodybuilding). Supplementing (pre-workout) with whey protein isolate and/or EAA/BCAA+Glutamine can help prevent the body from utilizing its muscle tissue as a donor source for gluconeogenically-derived "energy."
Note: Glutamine can increase both hepatic and skeletal muscle glycogen stores (without carbohydrates).
Another thing you can do to enhance fat burning is to increase the proportion of fuel burned as fat during exercise. To achieve this supplement with the PPAR delta agonist Cardarine. Cardarine markedly increases cardiovasculaendurance capacity as well as muscular endurance. You'll be getting a few more reps per set on your higher rep sets and increasing the amount of fat (instead of blood sugar) your body is using while doing so.
Note: Stacking Cardarine with the infamous lipotropic L Carnitine may further enhance each supplement's effects.
Note: I have a separate article written on L Carnitine. See this article to learn everything you would ever want to know about L Carnitine in less than 5 minutes.
What about maintaining the muscle mass you built while in a caloric surplus after you diet your way into a significant negative caloric balance?
The supplement HMB, Beta Hydroxy Methyl Butyrate was over-hyped in the 90s. Everybody was looking for the "next creatine." And HMB showed promise. Then the research trickled in. Initially, HMB appeared to be of little value. Then more and more research poured in. Today we know HMB is most effective as an anticatabolic supplement.
HMB helps ensure the body remains in a positive nitrogen balance, but not by increasing protein synthesis. Rather, HMB reduces the breakdown of muscle mass (protein), and is particularly useful in lower-calorie settings, and/or high-stress situations (including recovery post-surgery and healing from serious burns).
You'll want to use a minimum of 3 grams of HMB per day. Amounts as high as 10 grams or more daily can be costly but are safe (and more effective than lower dosages, which does not necessarily hold true for other dietary supplements).
A second anticatabolic supplement you might consider is Phosphatidylserine or PS. The use of PS is reportedly effective in reducing excessive serum cortisol concentrations. Cortisol, a glucocorticoid, increases protein catabolism. This supplement can be costly to use, however.
Some trainees, gurus and gym pundits firmly believe the conditionally essential amino acid Glutamine is a potent anti-catabolic substance. The research on Glutamine's efficacy for athletes isn't clear; some studies show benefit(s) while others clearly do not.
If you're using appreciable amounts of protein powder (Whey Protein Isolate, Pea Protein Isolate, Caseinate, Milk Protein Isolate) you'll be getting about 4-5 grams of Glutamine (and precursors) per scoop (app 25 grams of protein. Most protein rich whole foods are also rich in Glutamine.
If you're in a caloric surplus (off season mode) then additional Glutamine is essentially a waste of money. Glutamine is best utilized while in the throes of strict dieting, when muscle mass losses are most likely. Glutamine can contribute to the Amino Acid Pool and act as a gluconeogenic donor if need be. Glutamine can also help restock both hepatic and skeletal muscle glycogen stores INDEPENDENTLY of carbohydrates (Glucose). To enhance glycogen replenishment, particularly in the peri-workout period, Glutamine must be taken in very large doses (up to 15-20 grams pre/intra workout & post workout).
Another thing you can do to reduce the loss of muscle mass while dieting is to raise your protein consumption to as high as 1.5 grams per pound of body weight. Of course, you'll have to have a commensurate reduction in calories from carbohydrates and/or fat.
And remember, while dieting to maximize fat-loss your goal isn't to build muscle, but instead to maintain that muscle which you've already built. This means you must take care to avoid overtraining. Not only is overtraining unnecessary at this stage, but it can be extremely damaging to one's physique. You run the risk of injury anytime you step foot in a gym but the probability of injury is geometrically increased if one is overtraining, particularly while on a low-calorie diet. Limit your weekly lifting sessions to no more than 5. Don't go crazy on the volume (# of sets) and stay in the 8-12 rep range most of the time (you can do more or fewer reps but 8-12 is a great rep range for most). You aren't going to be setting any PRs here.
Can you tell us what a sample day of eating might look like?
Let's say you decide on 3 whole-food meals, 2 shakes, and a snack every day. Let's assume your shakes are composed of ultrafiltered skim milk (12 g protein and 8 grams carbohydrate w/ 0g fat per 8oz), 2 scoops whey isolate (40 g protein), a small banana, and 1/2-1 cup frozen strawberries. By themselves, the two protein shakes will supply 130 grams of protein. And remember, at the beginning of this article we said our hypothetical dieter was 200 pounds. Thus your total daily protein goal in grams was 250 grams per day. Hence, you need only consume 120 more grams of protein, divided between 3 whole food meals and your optional snack.
Your total daily calorie and macronutrient allotment breakdown:
Calories: 2,700 Protein: 250 grams, 1,000 Cal Carbohydrate: 310 grams, 1250 Cal Fat: 50 grams, 450 Cal
Note: the caloric/macro breakdown above yields appx 37% protein, 46% carbohydrate, and 17% fat. This differs slightly from the 40/50/10 breakdown we began with but the actual percentages are simply a guide post. If you're more endomorphic you should probably drop the carbohydrates to 37% and raise the fat to make up the difference (or add protein for the same reason). If you're an ectomorph or mesomorph you can handle the 46% carbohydrate level without missing a beat.
Note: Supplemental fats do add additional fat grams (and calories to your daily totals). Thus, your total fat intake will likely be closer to 80 grams per day. You may also take a shot glass or two of extra virgin, cold-pressed organic olive oil 3-5 times per week to increase MUFAs in your diet.
Removing the protein shakes' nutritional values (130 grams protein, 0 grams fat, and roughly 60-120 grams of carbohydrates: one protein shake may be simply protein powder with milk or water and ice) leaves 120 grams of protein, 50 grams of meal-derived fats (excluding supplemental fats) and approximately 190-250 grams of carbohydrates for the remainder of the day. These figures will be spread (evenly or unevenly) over 3 whole-food meals and one snack. This works out to 40 grams of protein, 80 grams of carbohydrates, and about 15-20 grams of fat per meal. Under this scenario, your snack would have to be something like sugar-free jello which has practically no calories whatsoever.
As for how you put together your meals....
Because your list of foods was basic and limited to 15 items you'll have an easy time putting potential menus together. Choose foods from your list and match up their nutritional values to fit the macronutrient and caloric allotment for each of your 3 whole-food meals.
Note: If you need more variety go ahead. The number of different foods you eat has no intrinsic bearing on the results you'll achieve from dieting. I give the 15-item limit to reflect the authenticity of old-school bodybuilding dieting as told by John Romano, the famous bodybuilding author, and for simplicity's sake.
Look up the nutritional value of the various 15 (or more) foods you chose for your diet and write them down on the front page of your diet journal. You're going to want to make use of nutrition labels anytime you deviate from your list of foods. And if you're not accurately eyeing up proper portion sizes you'll want to invest in a food scale. Studies have shown that people who didn't record what they ate often overate far more than what they self-reported they'd eaten. The same goes for people commonly overestimating portion sizes. That's why you're going to record everything you eat and weigh out or measure proper portion sizes.
So how do you know how many calories you should begin the diet with?
There are many useful diet and macro calculators available online. One figure I've come across quite a bit is 15-17 calories per pound of body weight as a good, "average" starting point. For a 200 lb person, this works out to between 3,000 and 3,400 calories per day, which might be a bit high. If consuming even 1.25 grams of protein per pound of body weight that 15-17 cal/lb figure leaves 2,400 "energy" calories to come from carbohydrates and/or fats. Our hypothetical diet above was 2,700 calories with 250 grams of protein for a 200-lb individual.
So the two figures (2,700 cal and 3,000- 3,400 cal are close enough to be compatible and would likely fit any 200 lb hard training individual quite well - but we can't be certain. The only way to do that is to keep a diet journal for a minimum of 7 days where you record every morsel of every foodstuff you consume, each and every day and night. You also tally up your macronutrient totals for each of the seven days. At the end of those seven days, if your weight has remained the same, you have found your homeostatic caloric setpoint.
Add up the total amount of calories consumed over the seven days and then divide the resultant figure by seven. You now have your starting caloric allowance. If you want to gain quality mass you would increase your calories by 10-15%. But, we want to lose fat, so we will cut out starting caloric allowance (homeostatic-setpoint) by 10-15%.
If you simply don't have the discipline to keep a food journal you'll also have trouble keeping track of calories later on in the diet and end up overeating, even if unintentionally. That said, 15-17 cal/lb of body weight is a good average starting range for most lifters.
If you'd like, I'm open for consultations.
Contact me for nutritional, dietary supplementation, and exercise regimen consulting.
Mike Renteria BigMikeRenteria@gmail.com BPVA Summer 2024
Photo: Gunter Schlierkamp, IFBB LEGEND, 2002 GNC SOS CHAMPION (Defeated Reigning Mr Olympia Ronnie Coleman)

BY KORY GROW
MAY 10, 2024
How Al Jourgensen Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Ministry's First Album 'With Sympathy'
Al Jourgensen. DERICK SMITH*
IT TOOK A conspiracy to get Ministry frontman Al Jourgensen to come around to his band’s debut album, the proudly commercial, synth-pop juggernaut With Sympathy. The vocalist has spent the last four decades separating himself from the LP, since he alleges his label at the time, Arista, and its founder, Clive Davis, pressured him into constructing a surefire Billboard hit. He has felt so embarrassed by the whole thing that he left the label and has charged fans $1,000 just for him to autograph copies of the record. Now for the first time in decades, he’ll be performing songs from With Sympathy again at this weekend’s Cruel World festival in Pasadena. He just needed a nudge.
“The guys in the band know I don’t like this record,” Jourgensen tells Rolling Stone on a Zoom from his Los Angeles home. He’s sitting outside, wearing a witchy wide-brimmed hat and mirrored Lennon sunglasses even though he’s in the shade. “They came up with all these new versions of all the old songs and then sprung them on me one night on the bus while I was on ‘shrooms. I actually wound up going, ‘Hey, that’s not bad.'”
Jourgensen’s psychotropic revelation led to talks with Cruel World and now he acknowledges mixed emotions about revisiting the material — which Ministry will perform alongside songs from the group’s second LP, Twitch — on Saturday. He says he’s finally ready.
“The reasons I don’t like that record are not really so much for the music as much as the surrounding dynamic of it,” he says. “It’s literally a label-appointed producer, label-appointed engineer, label-appointed background vocalist, label-appointed lyrics, label-appointed looks or management-appointed looks. I had to sue to get off this label as soon as that record came out. I was so unhappy.”
With disco drums, glassy synthesizers, and Jourgensen’s fey British accent, With Sympathy became an easy hit when it came out in May 1983. Lead track “Effigy (I’m Not An)” has an icy cool about it that still resonates (it was featured in an episode of Euphoria’s second season) while the singles “Work for Love” and “I Wanted to Tell Her” have a funky club feel that could fit easily between Duran Duran and Bronski Beat songs on an Eighties pop playlist. Rolling Stone recently rated the album’s “Revenge” the 42nd best song of 1983, likely much to Jourgensen’s chagrin. It was so commercial that at the time, Ministry opened for the Police, Culture Club, and Madness, and the album was Ministry’s best-selling LP until 1992’s Psalm 69. Jourgensen was so unhappy, he spent years trying to expiate the success.
The new versions of the songs, however, will sound more like the Ministry that achieved fame in the late Eighties and early Nineties, leaning into rigid rhythms and crushing guitar. The only With Sympathy redux song they’ve performed live so far, “Revenge,” features chugging metal guitars and Jourgensen’s now-guttural vocals replacing his once slight croon. The changes in the rest of the songs, which will require two keyboardists, three backup singers, and an orchestral string trio, are even more dramatic. For Jourgensen, who’s planning on sunsetting Ministry’s career with recordings of these new versions of the songs and another album with his estranged bandmate, Paul Barker, later this year, it’s a full circle moment.
“You’ll be able to recognize the songs, but we’ve certainly put the stamp on it of Ministry 2.0,” Jourgensen says during a rare interview about the album that lasts about the time it takes to play With Sympathy. “It’s not your grandpa’s Ministry.”
So what makes the new versions of the With Sympathy songs special?
We turned them into arena rock songs. People at Cruel World are going to freak out. I feel empowered and it’s very cathartic for me to finally be able to own these songs instead of run from them. This Cruel World thing is going to be literally a public exorcism.
What was your state of mind around the making of With Sympathy?
I was living in a squat where literally I had a hole in my roof. I had plugged stolen cables into a building that actually had power. And somebody offers me a record contract, I’m like, “Hell yeah, man. This sure beats a kick in the balls.”
If you’d had your way, what would With Sympathy have sounded like in 1983? Would it have been more like “Every Day Is Halloween”?
Yeah, I think so. It would have been a lot more keyboard-oriented. I was going through my keyboard phase because everybody was. As a matter of fact, Arista turned down “Halloween” and “All Day” and a bunch of other songs because Clive Davis pretty much wanted to write my songs. I mean, basically they wanted to make me a whiter shade of Milli Vanilli.
What do you mean?
On “Work for Love,” I was recording in London, and Clive Davis would call from New York and read me lyrics over a landline phone. And I’d have to jot them down and sing those, and he’d accept those. He rejected all these songs that I had done already. He wanted things like “Say You’re Sorry.” He would just call up on a whim and say, “I want you to do this.” And after living in a squat, shoveling snow out of my living room, I was like, “OK, man, whatever you want.”
So all the song credits should say, “By Clive Davis”?
No, not all of them. But even the versions I had of things like “Revenge” and “Effigy” were cleaned up by the appointed engineer, producer, and Clive and made more palatable to a pop audience. Basically, I think they signed me for having high cheekbones and being a skinny little white guy that was playing pop and funk.
What do you think they wanted you to be?
The flavor of the month that year was the Psychedelic Furs. So they appointed [the Furs’ drummer] Vince Ely as producer of [With Sympathy]. And Vince is a great guy and all that, but he’d never produced before. It was all about the look of it.
And damn it, they made me cut my hair, and that pissed me off the most. I’m an old hippie, so it’s like Samson losing his hair. I felt powerless, naked, vulnerable. It was horrible.
Bob Roberts, who played keys on With Sympathy, gave an interview a few years ago where he said you “certainly seemed to be into it at the time, more so than anyone else.” But he added that the record didn’t really reflect how you sounded onstage.
He wasn’t in London fielding the calls from Clive Davis, OK? And yes, he’s right: It did not capture us at the time because we did a lot of varied material that eventually got rejected. I really don’t know what he’s talking about because he wasn’t there. Maybe the band and him couldn’t twist my arm on things, but Clive Davis on the phone can certainly twist your arm. You pretty much do as told.
Was Clive Davis scary back then?
When you’re 21, 22 years old and you’re just coming out of a squat and now you’re living in London and fancy hotels, I’m recording at AIR Studios, George Martin’s place, with Queen’s engineer, I’m like, “Whoa.” Of course, it’s overwhelming. So you go along with everything.
The credits for With Sympathy say you not only wrote “Should Have Known Better” but recorded every instrument yourself. Is that wrong?
That one’s all mine. And yeah, there’s some real pop flavor to a lot of that stuff that I was writing back then. I’d just found keyboards and fell in love with them, and so a lot of the stuff I was doing was getting away from my roots.
Before that, I was in a metal cover band, oddly enough, called Slayer. It came before Slayer, back in ’78. And by ’79, ’80, I was in Special Affect, which is very Gang of Four-ish. And then keyboards came out and I started writing poppier stuff. But all that stuff like “Every Day Is Halloween” was written in ’81, ’82.
What were you listening to around the time you wrote With Sympathy?
My taste is completely wacko, off the charts. I listened to everything from Yma Sumac to Gang of Four to Thelonious Monk, and then into Sex Pistols, Buzzcocks. Then Killing Joke came out, and that sealed the deal for me. It was just like, “No, I’m throwing out the synthesizers and I’m going to do a lot more guitar.”
I found an interview with you from 1982 where you said, “Chic is the best band ever as far as I’m concerned.”
Oh yeah, absolutely. I still feel that way. But like I said, I’m all over the map. There’s only two types of music: There’s good and there’s shit. I was hoping I was listening to the good shit.
You also described Ministry’s music by saying, “If you can’t dance to it, you’re either a cripple or disinterested.“
Well, back then I was DJing as well, so that was important to me. You had to make people dance and buy drinks, otherwise you’re out of here. So at the time, that was a much more important factor in my songwriting than it is today.
When is the last time you listened to With Sympathy?
About 40 years ago. I still haven’t. I’ve listened to the songs my band ambushed me with on the bus but the actual original versions, no. I burned those tapes on a barbecue. We had to start from scratch on doing this show because we had no stems, no guide to go by. I didn’t even know what songs were on the album, to be honest.
I was going to ask what you thought of your vocals on the album.
I’ve listened to some songs but not the whole album. I was singing in this high key register that I couldn’t pull off now at gunpoint. It just sounds so naïve to me.
On “Effigy,” you had a British affectation, singing about “me mom and me dad.” What was that about?
Well, I was living there. You’re obviously influenced by your environment, so I don’t feel bad about that. That’s how I spoke on an everyday basis when I was living there. By the time I was done with Twitch, I’d lived there two years.
“Effigy” was used in an episode of Euphoria a few years back. What do you think about how it appeals a new audience? Do you still ask fans to donate $1,000 to charity to sign it?
I’m happy to sign it now because I’m ready to own it. I’m ready to stop that haunting me.
You left Arista after With Sympathy. What happened?
I literally had to go to court and sue to leave. They offered me a lot of money to stay, and I was just like, no, no, no, no, because I couldn’t look into a mirror anymore. I didn’t feel like I was myself anymore.
What strikes you when you look at the photo of yourself in the album art for With Sympathy?
What strikes me is anger that my management was in literally cahoots with Arista. The record company basically said, “You need to cut your hair.” Then they took me to some place on Melrose here, flew me out, and picked out a bunch of sharkskin suits.
It makes me angry at the exploitation aspect of it. I just wasn’t down with the program: that particular photo shoot and that particular “Revenge” video, which is done by the guy that did all the Cure videos, because that was the flavor of the month.
Ministry’s drummer at the time, Stevo, is the only other person in the photo. When’s the last time you spoke with him?
About 35 years. And I haven’t talked to Bob Roberts in 40 years. Just went our separate ways and I decided to just forge my own path. I’ve been known to do that with Ministry.
Yeah, you’ve had a lot of band members.
Right after Filth Pig, I took a couple of years off to live with Timothy Leary and just do acid. I was sick of it. I was sick of Paul Barker, and now I’m working with Paul Barker again on our final album.
How did you two patch things up?
Well, we realized it was both of our ex-wives suing each other instead of us. He just moved close to me here. I have a recording studio in my house, so we’re going to start the final album together in June. We’re best buddies now. We should have always been, but literally it was two other people suing each other in our names. It was really bizarre.
Have you and Paul Barker talked about the final album?
Yeah, I just heard some of his ideas. What Ministry is doing now is kind of like arena rock — it’s just much more simple and guttural — where Barker is much more ethereal and it’s more like a Brian Eno–type. So the two styles combined is what makes Ministry “Ministry.” What he played me the other day was just extraordinary.
Will Paul be joining Ministry’s live band again?
He’ll be on the last tour without a doubt.
So the plan is to do Cruel World, re-record some of the With Sympathy songs and then do the final album with Paul Barker. Which songs from With Sympathy will you never play again?
“Say You’re Sorry,” “She’s Got a Cause” — yuck, just drips with just fakeness, sugar-coated pop. Those are the two that stand out right away. I’m sure I could come up with more, but I think there’s some solid ideas on there. I just think it was just sanitized so much that it was almost beyond recognition.
Have you run into Clive Davis at all in the past four decades?
Hell no. I don’t go to his [Grammy] parties and stuff. Trust me.
You’re cool with Paul Barker now, are you sure you and Clive —
No, Clive and I aren’t going to happen.
When do you plan on re-recording the With Sympathy songs you like?
As soon as we’re done with Cruel World, I go right in the studio. And most of these songs are already done because we had to re-record them just to know how we were going to sound. So they basically just need to be mixed. It’s just going to take me a couple of weeks. Then we shop it to the highest bidder, whoever wants it. And then at that point, I start working with Barker.
Since you’re planning Ministry’s final album, how are you seeing the end of the band?
I’m 65 now. I was hoping to retire at 65, but two years of Covid made it so I can’t afford that yet. So I’ll do another couple years, and then that’s it. There’s no point in touring. And touring gets harder as you’re older anyways, and I don’t really want to do the whole casino circuit.
All I really want to do is film scoring. I get to stay at my house, and I work out of my house. And so I’m just trying to wrap everything up with a nice little bow, exorcise all demons, and put Ministry to bed.
Your recent film score was for something related to Killers of the Flower Moon.
Yes, it’s called Long Knife. It follows up on Killers of the Flower Moon. Leo DiCaprio is narrating the documentary of this. His dad is executive producer, and I think Scorsese might be involved in this as well. It will come out next year.
Other than composing film scores, what does the Ministry retirement plan look like?
That’s it. If I’m not scoring, it’ll just be activism. Everyone knows my views are pretty left. I’m not divulging my medical records, so there might be underlying reasons why it’s also time to go. I’ll just put it at that.
In the interview you gave from 1982, you said: “A few things are for sure. It’s a fairly safe proposition. I’m not going to turn into a junkie or move away or have a girl ruin my life. I don’t want to do anything else. It will be Al Jourgensen and the music business till the death.” What do you think of that now?
As far as being a junkie, yeah, I blew that one. But everything I’ve done in my life has been ass backwards. I was born premature, yellow, completely jaundiced with liver failure, and 60 percent hearing loss. So what do I become, a drunken producer? It’s been 22 years since I touched any of that shit, coke or heroin or pills or any of that shit. I don’t touch that stuff. I watch people do it in front of me and just never relapsed either, never.
So yeah, I’ve lived a pretty backward life. Everything that I wasn’t supposed to do, I did. Everything I was supposed to do, I didn’t. I’m just as confused as anyone else is on this planet and just wondering why I’m even here. So when do I get my next assignment in the universe? When do I get a new planet to go to? Because I think they keep sending me back to this one on purpose just to piss me off, but here I am.

This story was originally written July 2023.
You might have heard of me. I was a social media influencer for two years.
I know kids have “influencer” as one of their top professions these days, but for me it was all an accident, really. I uploaded a few YouTube videos back in 2019, in the summer I finished school. All I did was rant about movies. I had a few notes, not a full script, and just spouted off to my laptop camera about inaccurate science, bad casting choices, real nitpicky stuff. In about six months I’d got 200 subscribers.
I was at university then, and I mentioned my videos to some of my uni friends. They subbed and told their friends, and I got up to 1,000 sub by January 2020. My videos were only about ten minutes long, and I had nowhere near the views to monetise. I was making one a week, but not on any sort of schedule. It was just something I did when I was bored.
Then the pandemic hit. A lot of students here in England basically got locked into their halls of residence (that’s dorms for any Americans reading), but I was lucky enough to get back to my parents’ before then. So I was doing what my uni laughably called “remote learning”, which basically meant a couple of video lectures a week, some worksheets, and lots and lots of my own research. I won’t bore you with the topic of my course; it’s not relevant.
I’m not exactly stereotypically pretty. I’ve come to accept that. My hair is stringy, my nose is too big, my face is profoundly asymmetrical, my complexion is strange and acned, my teeth are crooked … You get the idea. You can only do so much with makeup and hair that covers your face. I probably have fewer friends than I would if I looked like other people, and it actually took a lot of courage to make that first video - and even more courage to upload it.
I can only assume that’s the reason I went viral. It certainly wasn’t the high production values, or the tightly-written scripts, or the quality of my research. On the 9th of April I had 1,322 subscribers. On the 10th it was over 8,000. By the end of April it was up to 300,000, and I had actually monetised my channel.
The comments were … well, they were varied. Lots of hate because of my looks, but lots of love from people who just appreciated what I put out there, calling out others for their negative comments. I know many social media stars struggle with unkind comments, but I’d got used to it. Let’s be honest, they weren’t nice, but neither were they untrue. And comments under your video are easier to ignore than comments in the street. I was making decent money after all. If you were one of those commenters, you know which side you were on, and I love you either way. Thanks for the engagement - it’s not easy to gain financially from your unusual appearance!
The trouble with going viral is that it doesn’t last. Competing in the fast-paced world of internet stardom takes a lot of effort. I started experimenting with other things - YouTube shorts, TikTok, Instagram, pretty much anything going. The format that turned out to work best was actually TikTok. I’d bought some skimpy outfits and did ridiculous little dances. I quickly reached over a thousand views per video, and while I wasn’t up to their creator tier, it still worked. A well-known cosmetics company asked to sponsor my videos.
Cosmetics! Me! I guess they were going for woke points or something. I didn’t care, they offered me more money than I knew what to do with, as long as my views stayed high. So I started making 2-minute videos. A dance without make-up, then I applied the make-up - being sure to show the brand name clear and up-close - and then the same dance with make-up. If this is ringing any bells with you, then yes - that was me. And no, stupid - that’s not my real name.
I’d got used to undesired attention of course. Along with the unpleasant comments, I got my fair share of unwelcome male approaches. For a few hours after any upload, about half of my DMs were from men, and some women (or men with female account names), asking to see more of me. I wasn’t a camgirl, though I suppose I wasn’t a million miles away from one; but I could have been. I did seriously consider it a few times, but never actually followed through.
And half of the rest of my DMs, and a good portion of the public comments, were from angry women. What made me think I had the right to show off like that? How could I bring their favourite cosmetics brand into disrepute? But I’ve got pretty thick skin (hey, I can make that joke, you can’t), and mostly laughed the comments off and ignored them.
That was, in hindsight, a mistake.
By September my uni was reopening for in-person teaching. I was working six or seven hours a day just to keep up with everything, and had a couple more brands sponsoring me. Being an influencer isn’t just about filming for ten minutes a day and watching the money come in!
So I was going to tutorials an hour a day, watching video lectures at 2x speed, and ignoring my assignments in favour of making videos and replying to messages. It’s not like my pointless degree was helping with my real job.
Okay fine. It was geology. Rocks and stuff. You happy now? I bet you can’t tell the difference between sylvite and carnallite just by licking it, can you?
Anyway, the point is I came close to being chucked out. Actually I had to repeat the second year. At least I could afford it.
So anyway, I somehow got through to the end of my second year, the end of my second year again, and part way through my third year. I was passing my exams - just - and through several reinventions I had managed to maintain my social influencer role. Last Autumn I was getting some good views, and cash, back on YouTube. I was getting pretty good at make-up (I had an exclusive deal with one company on TikTok, and another deal with a different cosmetics company on YouTube). The videos that did well then were me with experimental hairstyles and not much in the way of clothes, putting on makeup for a few minutes, then reading out-of-copyright fiction in my patented “YouTube voice”. If you can imagine a cross between Shania Twain and Marge Simpson then… well, then you’re weird, but you’ve pretty much got it.
Then, last December, a week or so before the Christmas holidays, I went out with my friends. I had made a decent number, both girls and guys, by then. I could never quite tell whether it was my personality (which I assure you is fantastic), my influencer status, or the cash I was liberal with (it always seemed to be my round, and I didn’t mind). There were even a couple of boys who were keen on me, though I hadn’t done anything about it yet. Eight of us went out together to celebrate a birthday. It wasn’t actually anybody’s birthday that day, but Shireen had a Christmas Day birthday, and she wanted a proper party.
Now I look quite different in real life than I do online. I think the technical term is “frumpy” - jeans, trainers, fluffy jumper and a hat, or maybe a hoodie. The birthday girl had somehow convinced me to put a bit more effort in, and had helped me pick out some heels and a knee-length silver dress. Make-up was easy for me of course, and so I got dressed up and off we went to the Black Swan.
The Black Swan has several great qualities about it. One: it’s cheap. Two: it does good food. Three: it’s a couple of hundred metres from The Bar. We had a decent meal, a few drinks, and around 9 we walked to The Bar.
To be more precise, they walked. I wobbled. If you’ve watched my videos you might have seen me in heels, but did you ever see me walk in them? Didn’t think so.
The Bar is open til 3 in the morning. It looks respectable enough from the outside, especially in the afternoon; but after about 11, when most pubs close, it fills up with students drinking expensive-looking drinks. And almost every night, somebody jumps up onto a table, and then everybody’s up there dancing. In The Bar, either you hold your drink tightly, or you lose it.
I’d done this before, and I can handle my alcohol. I’ve stayed at The Bar till chuckout more than a few times, and I’ve been wobbly on the way home, but I’ve never thrown up or passed out. And so I was surprised when I woke up. The last thing I remembered was Stu saying he was tired, and Shireen replying that it wasn’t even midnight yet. Now I was lying on the hard wooden floor of my living room.
My head pounded. Daylight streamed through the window, and I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes. My hands were wet and sticky.
I looked at them. They were covered in blood.
I looked down. My heels were across the room, but I was still wearing my dress. It, also, was covered in blood, a huge stain across the chest.
Panic set in. What happened to me last night? I checked myself out and could find no injuries. Where did the blood come from?
Standing up, I realised it was worse than that. Red pools stained the wooden floor. I don’t know much medicine, but if somebody had lost this much blood, I couldn’t see how they could have survived.
I stood up, unsure whether my shaking was from the shock or the alcohol. This was when I saw a shirt on the floor behind me. White, with a subtle pattern. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that it wasn’t my shirt. I lived alone, and rarely invited people back to my flat. I looked around some more. A pair of men’s black leather shoes by the door. And then I saw it.
I suppose, rather, I should say him. He was naked except for a pair of dark blue jeans, slumped in the open doorway to the kitchen, covered in blood, and very, very, dead.
I panicked then. I’m calmer now, so let’s take a moment to describe my conclusions that morning. I had got very drunk. I had met a guy. We’d come back to my flat. We’d been getting naked (the shoes and shirt weren’t bloodied). Then, for some reason, we’d had an argument or a fight. The body had stab wounds in the chest, and a pool of blood had congealed onto the wooden floor of the living room and the linoleum of the kitchen where the man collapsed. How did those stab wounds get there? I didn’t know for sure, but a quick glance at my kitchen counter showed that my sharp carving knife was missing. It was all coming together. I didn’t know if he had picked up the knife, or if I had; I didn’t know why either of us would do that. I didn’t even know his name, and later when I checked his pockets, I couldn’t find any ID.
There was a lot I didn’t know. But I’m smart. So once I was done crying on the floor (I think it was about two hours), I came up with a plan. This man was dead, and I couldn’t do anything about that. But what would the consequences be? There’s no need for my life to be ruined as well. I decided not to call the police. People go missing mysteriously all the time, he can just be another statistic and I’ll get on with my life.
The blood on Dave was mostly dry by now. (Sure, I didn’t know his name, but every bloke’s called Dave, right?) So I put a badly-fitting vest on him to soak up the remaining blood, and his shirt over the top, along with his shoes. His jeans were bloody, but they were dark, so hopefully it wouldn’t show up in low light. I couldn’t find his coat, which was odd given how cold it was, but this would have to do. I put my dress and heels in a plastic bag, and grabbed a spade that I never used. Had I missed anything?
The knife. The fucking knife. I searched all over for it, but by the time it got dark I still hadn’t found it. I knew I couldn’t delay for long, so I figured it was best to deal with Dave now, and find the knife later.
Eight o’clock in the evening came. I’m lucky I have parking right outside my house, no street cameras, and a ground-floor flat. I put the bag in the boot of my car and came back for the body.
Have you ever tried to move a dead person? It’s not easy, and I’m not exactly strong. I put my arm around his waist and eventually managed to heave him almost upright. “Come on Dave, that’s it. We’re gonna get you home. Maybe calm down on the tequila next time right? Try to keep it in, and don’t you dare vomit in my car, you sexy bastard.”
Oh come on, what do you want from me? I’m an influencer, not a stand-up comedian. And anyway, I don’t think anybody saw me during the several minutes it took to drag Dave to the passenger seat. I really wish I’d got round to buying a bigger car than the Fiat Punto I’d had since I was 18, but it was too late for that now.
There’s a place about an hour’s drive from me called Epping Forest. The Heritage Trust reckon it’s most famous for its huge tracts of unspoiled wildlife, thousands of trees, and Iron Age settlements. But around here it’s best known as the place where murderers and gang members bury bodies. So off I trundled in my 1.2 litre pensioner-mobile. I arrived around 9:30, checked Google Maps, and drove offroad into the woods.
Do you know how long it takes to dig a grave? The answer is: a long time! By dawn I’d only managed a hole about two feet. Oh, and it was my third try, because the first two times I found too much rock. Well, it would have to do. In went Dave, and I shovelled the ground back over him. I thought I could put my clothes in with him, but it was a shallow grave, and when the inevitable dog-walker finds it I didn’t want them linked back to me. I mean, there’s my DNA in there for sure, but let’s not make it too easy for them, right? So I chucked the spade in a river, and the clothes went back home with me, including the vest I’d lent him.
Now in England we have a thing called ANPR everywhere. The police can just type in a car registration and see exactly where it’s been from traffic cameras. I needed an alibi. Why had I gone to Epping Forest? For a hike of course! So I walked around for a few hours, got breakfast at a pub, and told the staff about all the wacky adventures I’d had that night. And while I was there, for the first time in a good long time, I checked my phone.
Hundreds of messages, of course. But only one sent a shiver down my spine.
Jolly_Gal_56234
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID
My heart thumped. My ears started ringing. I felt dizzy, nearly passed out. How could anybody know?
Of course nobody knew. I actually got messages like this fairly often. Just some idiot trying to wind people up. They’d probably sent a dozen messages just like it, to random people, and I just blocked her. Still it rattled me. I finished my breakfast, paid up, walked back to my car, and drove home.
My flat was just as I left it. Dave was gone, but his blood was still there. I scrubbed the floor for hours, and it helped a bit, but you could still see the stains. Exhausted, I showered and went to bed.
The next morning I woke up. I hadn’t posted anything for a day and a half, so I needed to do something about that. Scrolling through my messages, one stood out like a police light.
Jolly_Gal_28473
YOU’VE BEEN A BAD GIRL 🔪
Shit. SHIT! What the fuck is going on? I stared at my phone, paralysed with indecision. When I finally snapped out of it I made sure the door was locked, and tried to come up with a plan.
I had no idea who was sending these. Maybe they didn’t really know anything. You send stupid messages like that to hundreds of people, you’re gonna come across one who’s actually done something bad, right? I poured myself a big glass of gin, decided that nobody could know anything, and made a video.
Remember that one where I didn’t speak at all, just danced for three minutes dressed like 90s Britney to 70s disco music, titled “HANGOVER DANCE”? Yeah, that’s the one. I didn’t trust myself to speak without breaking, but I could dance about as well as I ever could.
The rest of the day I answered messages, emailed my sponsors, and considered getting an agent. It’s still just me doing everything, and that Sunday afternoon, I really didn’t want to. I also spent a few hours scrubbing the wooden floor with baking soda and vinegar, and looking for the knife.
I kept getting messages from Jolly_Gal. It didn’t matter how much I blocked her, she just popped up again the next day with different numbers at the end of her username. Always all-caps, just a single sentence.
YOU DON’T DESERVE IT
YOU’LL GET WHAT’S COMING TO YOU
OWN UP
DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT
Exactly one message a day, but always at different times. I decided it was a bot, and it was just coincidence that it started when it did. Until Christmas Day.
I’d been back at my parents’ for a few days, and endured the usual conversations about what I was going to do for a “proper job” after uni. They’re great, and really supportive. They’ve just never understood what an “influencer” really is, and that “playing on my phone” for six hours a day counts as work. My brother Rich gets it, but the rest of my family is honestly baffled.
Anyway, Christmas morning comes. All four of us were in the house together (my brother’s 17 so he still lives there), and we gathered together in the living room opening presents. It was a couple of weeks since the incident, and I still had nightmares every night, and those sudden panic attacks - you know, when you’re sure you’re going to be found out - but I was getting used to it. It had happened, I couldn’t change it, and I’d have to keep it secret for the rest of my life; but it was becoming a sort of background hum. I don’t know if that’s too quick, but I suppose I’ve learned to handle difficulty in my life.
Until we finished opening presents and I checked my phone.
Jolly_Gal_814385
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
And underneath, a photo of my kitchen knife, stained with blood.
I ran out of the house in tears.
Rich found me, sitting on the wooden bridge down the road from the house, my legs dangling over the river. I came here a lot when I was a teenager, so it was the first place he looked. I’d left my phone on the living room floor, and the three of them had seen the message, so he knew what triggered me. He just didn’t know the full story.
Well, I told him. I mean, not everything, obviously. But I told him how this person had been harassing me for weeks. He listened sympathetically, like he’s always done, and asked if there was anything he could do to help. I didn’t say anything; I just turned around, hugged him, and cried into his Christmas sweater.
After about half an hour we went back to the house. Rich explained things to my parents, thank goodness. I don’t think I could have handled it.
The rest of the holiday was … okay, I guess. More messages from Jolly_Gal, but only text. I made videos most days, and met all two of my old schoolfriends for drinks, movies and shopping. They’re big fans of my channels. I even took Rich out for drinks one evening, though it took us four pubs to find somewhere that wouldn’t ID him. He’s a bit of a babyface.
I did all I could not to think about Dave. I put him to the back of my mind, letting him live in the shed at the bottom of the garden of my psyche where he couldn’t disturb me. I guess that’s why it came as a shock to me, when I packed my stuff into the boot of my car to head back to uni.
There was one suitcase I’d packed but hadn’t got round to taking into the house. And peeking around the edge was that plastic bag. I’d forgotten to get rid of it!
Dad was helping me load the car, so I couldn’t do anything about it. I tucked it out of sight, finished loading up, said goodbye, and drove back to uni. It was dark when I got back, so I unpacked everything else, triple-bagged my bloody clothes, left my phone at home (no tracking me!), and walked two miles to drop them into somebody else’s wheelie bin.
The next morning I checked my messages.
Jolly_Gal_12592
WELCOME HOME
And a photo of me dumping the bag the night before.
You know what? This didn’t bother me. I mean, it did bother me, but not as much as I guess Jolly_Gal hoped. I’ve been bullied and harassed most of my life, and I’ve got pretty good at ignoring it. Sure, it was an escalation - she was actually following me - but it was just one of almost thirty messages. Jolly_Gal was hoping to destroy me. Instead, she hardened my resolve.
Clearly she had enough evidence to go to the police, but she hadn’t. And obviously she lived nearby. Now I’m no hacker, but you don’t do a job like mine without learning your way around technology. So I started sleuthing. I hadn’t bothered blocking her after the third or fourth message, so I made a list of all the messages, including timecodes. I’ve got a geology degree (almost), and we have techniques to analyse rock strata. Finally I had a genuine use for all that studying I sort of did!
Jolly_Gal was not as clever as she thought. She’d got sloppy. About half of her messages were sent at strange hours, on the hour. These were presumably posted by her bot. But the other messages were all sent between 7 and 8 am, or between 6 and 10 pm. So I guessed that she has a normal 9-5 day job, or maybe she’s a student.
Next I searched all the social media sites I could think of for Jolly_Gal or JollyGal usernames. There are a few, so please don’t go harassing people with that username! I don’t want innocent people to get hurt. After a few hours I had profiles of all Jolly_Gals. Pictures, locations, partial travel history, even birthdays for some of them. I discounted those who clearly weren’t in England, but I still had too many to narrow it down. The photos had no EXIF data so I couldn’t tell the type of phone or camera they used.
So my days became something like this: Five hours doing uni stuff, five hours working on my socials, and an hour or two learning digital sleuthing. I still went out with my friends sometimes, but made sure not to drink too much. I know how to have a good time without being drunk!
The breakthrough came by total chance. I rarely read the local papers, and just got lucky one afternoon in March. I was waiting for a friend in the pub after lectures, and there was a copy of the Post somebody had left on a table. So I flicked through it. The local council was rubbish at doing traffic. Some group of OAPS was organising a May Day celebration. And a woman had been convicted of body-snatching.
I recognised her! There was a photo of a woman in her early twenties. She’d been arrested when a corpse went missing back in December, and they’d seen her take it on the morgue’s CCTV. She’d been released on bail. “Prevention of the lawful and decent burial of a dead body” is a rare crime these days, so she hadn’t been sentenced yet; instead she was released until her sentencing, expected to be in August. Her name was Jenny Smith, which is so common as to be almost useless - that is, if you don’t have a profile of her on your laptop at home!
The report also gave her address. So I started hatching a plan. I texted my friend that I wouldn’t make it, and went home.
Jolly_Gal, or rather, Jenny, lived near me, and actually went to the same university. She had accounts on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Twitter, and a few others. Of course you can’t get Jolly_Gal by itself these days, but my profile gave all her precise usernames. I spent my evening watching her videos and reading her tweets. And then I found the smoking gun.
Jenny had posted a video on TikTok last June bitching about me. She’s way prettier than me, and yet I’d got all the subs and follows. She deserved all those sponsorship deals. It wasn’t fair that I had hundreds of thousands of subs and she only had a few thousand. She even said I was ugly and deserved to die.
Well, she got one out of two right, I guess. You can decide which one.
It all started to slot into place. Jenny was absurdly jealous of me, so she’d hatched a plan to destroy me. She must have roofied me in The Bar, got me and Dave back to my place, stabbed him, poured blood everywhere, and taken the knife home. I mean, I don’t know anything about forensic science, and I was drugged and panicked when I woke up that morning. I’d have no way of knowing that Dave had died days before he ended up in my flat!
I’d never managed to get all the blood out of the wooden flooring, and ended up putting a really misplaced rug over it. I chiselled off a sample and gave it to one of my friends who was doing a PhD in biology. It took a bit of persuading, but he ran an analysis on it.
It was pig’s blood.
Fuck Jenny. She’s not Jenny, or Jolly_Gal, she’s fucking Carrie!
She planned to destroy me. She ruined my mental health, she framed me for murder. All because I was more popular on TikTok than she was. Well, two can play at that game. I didn’t deserve what Jenny did to me. She did.
I thought about this all night, coming up with plan after plan, weighing them in my head. I wanted two things: to destroy Jenny, and to feel good about it for myself. Finally I had a course of action I’m actually rather proud of.
I decided to start slow. I did something anybody could have done - I mocked up a poster. At the top was “Jenny Smith - body snatcher!”. Underneath were two pictures, her Insta profile pic and the courthouse photo from the paper, and between them: “From This … To This!” And all her various social media handles to top it off. I printed hundreds of these, and pinned them all around the university and her street.
I’ve never thought of myself as an unkind person - God knows I’ve suffered enough myself to be sympathetic to others. But I’m willing to admit I felt a lot of satisfaction seeing her comments fill up with accusations and links to the online article. Jenny carried on making videos, but I could tell she was suffering. Good!
That was stage one. I had to up the ante for stage two. Jenny had covered me and my flat with pig’s blood, so I think we all know what’s coming next.
I pondered for a long time whether I should do it in the day or the night. But you know what they say - go big or go home. I scoped out her house for a while, and found out that she leaves her kitchen window, at the back of the house, open. Now I’m not the most athletic girl in the world, but I can be pretty determined when I want to be. So one night around 2 am I walked to her house - it’s only about half a mile - and climbed through the window.
I almost gave myself a heart attack when I knocked a glass over on the kitchen sink! Luckily it didn’t smash. I hid in a corner and waited for a full half hour before I decided Jenny hadn’t heard me. Then I snuck upstairs, slow as anything, and crept into her room.
Actually, the first room wasn’t hers. She shared with a couple of other students. Thank fuck I checked first! The second room was the right one. She was asleep, alone, in a double bed. I was so quiet that the only thing I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest as I opened my canvas bag, gently deposited its contents onto the pillow next to her, and took a photo. It didn’t come out that well - I couldn’t use the flash - but hey, I have a souvenir!
I really wish I’d seen her face when she woke up the next morning, staring at a pig’s head. She didn’t post on her socials for a week after that, and for two days she even forgot to send me a threatening message.
I’m sorry? You think I’m done? Oh, my sweet summer child. I’ve barely begun.
Jenny had a boyfriend, Abdul. I made sure he wasn’t around when I broke in, but stage three involved him in a big way.
Abdul was also at our university, a year younger than me, a year older than Jenny. He wasn’t very active on social media, but he did tend to broadcast his activity on Twitter. And what do you know? He’s also a fan of The Bar. So I spent the next month planning my move. I bought a new clubbing dress and heels - hey, I kinda missed that outfit! - and asked around for the other thing I needed. Some things you can’t just buy in Next, or a local butcher’s, but eventually I managed it.
I got my chance one Friday in May. Abdul had loudly announced on Twitter that he was excited for his boys’ night out in The Bar, and Jenny had been gushing about a girls’ night on the whole other side of town. Perfect. I spent hours on my makeup, and got to The Bar around ten. Abdul and his mates were having a drinking contest, and leching up at the girls dancing on the tables.
I figured I had a good long while before he would be ready, so I had a couple of drinks - not too much, but like I said I can handle myself, and I knew Jenny wasn’t around - and got up on the tables myself for a bit. Then about midnight Abdul’s friend got another round in, while Abdul was in the loo. This was my chance. I walked up to their table - which had no dancing feet on it, but a heck of a lot of spilled beer - and started talking to them, saying I thought their friend was hot.
“Uh, what the fuck?” “Not a chance in hell.” “Get lost, freak!”
Lovely chaps. But they were too far gone to notice me dropping something into Abdul’s double-whiskey-and-coke. For all I know, it’s the exact same thing Jenny used on me all those months ago.
Abdul came back and downed his whiskey in one gulp. I was worried he was going to vomit it up, but he held it in and blamed his difficulty on the coke fizz. Yeah mate, sure, sure.
Not too long after, he started to fade. His friends were really taking the piss out of him for being such a lightweight. Well, when I came over, the pisstaking just got worse. I introduced myself (with a fake name, duh) and told him he was hot. Believe it or not, it was only about twenty seconds before he put his tongue down my throat. Wow, I’m not sure I even needed to bother with the roofie!
His friends, who had been so intent on being mean to me, now turned their attention to him. I suggested we ditch them and go back to his place (I’d checked, it was only five minutes’ walk sober) - and off we went.
That was the first time I had sex. I’m sure I don’t need to go into details, but we did a lot of stuff, and I enjoyed it. I’m not sure if that’s because it was good, or because he was good, or because I knew what it was all for. I was impressed that he managed to keep going as long as he did in his state, but I do feel a bit sorry for him; from his Twitter he seems like a decent guy.
When he finally fell asleep I left. I’d got what I came for - pictures. And the next day I made a new account and sent a DM to Jenny.
At first I blurred my face, or chose shots that didn’t include it. A bit of editing and I could have been anybody. I watched their messy breakup on Twitter, Jenny hurling accusations, Abdul protesting his innocence. I know this is the age of social media, but I never understood why people play these things out in public.
And then, after posting a picture a day for a few weeks (I’d taken a lot of pictures), I sent one that showed my face clearly.
Jenny had managed to restrain herself from replying before, but now she knew who I was. She was furious! The very idea that her boyfriend had cheated on her with ME, of all people, was unbelievable. And this was exactly the outcome I’d been going for.
Jolly_Gal was broken. She’d ruined her reputation. She’d lost her boyfriend. She had nightmares about pigs (okay, so I don’t know that for certain, but in my imagination she woke up screaming every night). She was possibly going to prison. And now she knew that not only was I more successful than her as an influencer, but I was the one to steal her lover. She still sent messages, at first angry, but they soon degenerated into pleading. “Please stop.” “I’m sorry.” “We can work this out.” Jolly_Gal without CAPS LOCK, it was glorious to see.
In fact it was almost perfect. Three stages of my plan were complete, and only one remained. Jenny’s sentencing was in three weeks, so I had to move quickly.
She had two flatmates, so I needed to work around them. They weren’t particularly active on Twitter, but Jenny was. I knew from her tweets that while her flatmates had gone home, she was staying on a couple of weeks after the end of term. She didn’t say why publicly, but it was for her trial. No flatmates, no boyfriend. Now was the time.
And that brings us up to date. I’ve typed this up over the last few days, and saved as a draft. The final chapter, hopefully, comes tonight.
*******
I’m at Jenny’s house, and I’ve just called the police.
I turned up at Jenny’s door just after seven. Luck was with me - she’d tweeted that she was expecting a Deliveroo takeout. And I got there first.
The idiot actually kept the knife. I’d seen it when I was in her room. When she answered the doorbell, expecting food, and saw me - ah, the look on her face was priceless.
“I’m so sorry! Please, let’s just talk. I didn’t mean it to get this -”
I stalked towards her, anger in my face. Jenny fled upstairs. Perfect! She went into her room and shut the door, but I was like the furies of Greek legend. I smashed the door in, and looked on as Jenny cowered on her bed.
In full daylight, I saw the knife took pride of place in what looked like a shrine. She had photos of me printed out, and she’d written on them “BITCH”, “WHORE”, “FREAK” and all sorts of other hateful words.
Jenny had tried to make me into a murderer, so I gave her what she wanted. I grabbed the knife and stood over her. The coward shrank into the bed, begging for forgiveness, pleading for her life. Unfortunately for her I was not inclined to oblige. I plunged the knife into her chest, just as she had done to Dave all those many months ago. Jenny whimpered like a whipped dog, and after the ninth stab (yes, I counted), she stopped.
The police are on their way. I’m definitely going to jail after this. But Jenny got what was coming to her. We could both have lived happily, but Jenny chose otherwise.
And me? I passed my degree. I have friends. And jail or not, I have a life.
Burn in hell, Jolly_Gal.

Chapter 1 People are so…. Social. I grew up in a small town in Arizona and I’ve always loved the peace and quiet. But as I aged, graduating high school and spending a restless summer trying to divine what a broke carpenters son could do with his life (and probably drinking and smoking too much.) the small town gossip really started to wear on me. I’ve never been a social butterfly, preferring to mind my own business and let others mind theirs. But in a small town that’s a luxury you can’t afford. Everyone there has watched you mature from a scrawny kid with a stutter to a quiet but confident young man and, as such, feel that they have some obligation to be sure that your life is going to go in the right direction. There’s only so many questions a 19 year old can take about a lack of college and girlfriends. Only so many conversations following the familiar lines of “well you know, college is there to prove to employers you can show up at the same time and place for 4 years.” Or “don’t rush it, I found my wife when I finally gave up on looking!” Or, most aggravating “God works in mysterious ways!” (No shit Barbara, he’s an unknowable, omnipotent entity and you sell Sephora.(Don’t you have a bland youth group sermon to give?) I guess this is my way of explaining why I left my hometown so hastily the beautiful autumn after graduation. My folks were pleased to see I was going to “find myself.” As my mother so romantically put it. They hoped I’d find some kind of inspiration out on life’s grand highway. My dad chuckled, his eyes full of memories from the days he was young and free, a youthful joy that even 25 years in construction couldn’t dampen. “Go sow your wild oats son! Just remember you’ll reap them in the end.” He said, a mischievousness that was rare for him lightening the words. That is how I came to be here, in Golden Meadow, Louisiana. “Arizona plates? Well ain’t you a long way from home?” The deep southern drawl, by now familiar to me after a week of driving through Louisiana, cut through a perfectly quiet morning. Great. A socialite. Why did I have to choose the south for this roadtrip? I forced a polite smile and turned to face dreaded small talk as I began pumping my gas. “That’s right!” As I spoke I sized up my new best friend. A short, profusely sweating man stood before me. He must have been about 5’ 5”, well below my respectable height of 6’. His hair, greasy but trimmed nicely, his sheriffs hat…. Fuck. This is a cop. “Sheriff E. Gore, pleased to meet you!” He drawled again, his accent, I noted, more Texas than Cajun. He extended a sweaty hand, which I took as a good sign. (The law usually isn’t so friendly to suspicious people.) I shook his hand, surprised by the strength that this somewhat rotund sheriff had, his grip strong but measured. I returned his introduction. “David Lawrence.” “What brings you down to our little town son?” I took a deliberate look around before I answered, my gaze sweeping over the small gas station, the almost empty street, the abandoned buildings, a liquor store and a dilapidated dollar general. “Just passing through.” It probably wouldn’t take long, I thought to myself. I could see most of town from where I was. My gaze returned to Sheriff Gore, and I realized he was staring at me hard, gauging me for something. “I’m on a bit of a roadtrip.” I added, trying to remove his focus from my arms. “Well built aren’t ya?” The Sheriff said. Jesus, what a way to start a conversation with a stranger. I forced through the awkwardness. “Yessir.” Forced grin, wishing my gas would pump faster. “I try to stay active.” The Sheriff’s attentive gaze and fixed smile never strayed from me. “How nice! You know, you should stick around town awhile, we’ve got lots to offer!” I decided to myself that I didn’t like the Sheriff, my earlier thought that he likely wasn’t suspicious since he was so friendly now giving way to the feeling that he was too friendly. I gritted my teeth. “I really would, but I’m trying to make it to New Orleans.” I said, maintaining my politely measured tone. I had no interest in staying in this town. “That’s such a shame.” The Sheriff said, his voice betraying disappointment. “It’s a lovely town, it really is.” I was saved from my own awkward response to his too-friendly, begging statement by his radio crackling loudly from his cruiser, parked outside the gas station convenience store. The words, unintelligible to me, evidently made sense to Gore, as he swung around and strolled back to his cruiser. He was oddly quick for a guy of his stature. “Well, good luck on the road Lawrence.” He shouted over his shoulder as he left. “Be careful on the roads and come visit us again real soon!” I shook off the bile-like aftertaste of Gore’s stare and went back to doing what I do best. Minding my own damn business. I wouldn’t be in town long. What I’d told the Sheriff was true. I was headed to New Orleans. My red ‘69 mustang and I were scheduled to enjoy a beautiful city, far from the normal tourist season, here in early October. The food, the music, the bars, all promised to be excellent and uncrowded, allowing a drifting 19 year old a place to breathe and make decisions. Maybe I’d find some work and stay awhile. Or I’d stay a week and then continue “Dave’s Grand Tour” as I’d taken to calling my trip. The idea of Dave’s Grand Tour was simple; find a place that speaks to me. I had no interest in college, as I’d found during high school that an enterprising young man could make a good bit of money just by taking opportunities when they come. I’d worked at a county fair, for the railroad and for local farmers and ranchers and I had found that there were lots of ways to make money. And I didn’t want to tie myself to a career. After all, my dad had built a pretty great life doing carpentry, something that didn’t take much time to learn. (Of course I’d already learned, from helping him.) I contemplated these things as I pulled out of the filling station and back onto the road. Not much farther to New Orleans. As I drove through town, past a small town mechanic, a diner and a tidy row of houses, I almost felt bad for leaving. This town was clearly dying. Empty buildings, boarded windows and beat up cars told the story of a town in decline. The coastal fishing village was picturesque though, and its people were friendly and polite. With the exception of Sheriff E. Gore. What the hell was that guys prob.. I was tore from my thoughts as the unmistakable sound of a popped tire hissed above the growl of my car. “Shit.” I muttered, pulling over to assess the damage. The damage, as it turned out, was extensive and likely expensive. The ‘stang was equipped with beautiful whitewall tires, painstakingly sourced by my grandfather during the restoration I had helped him with during his final years. Cancer is a bitch, especially when you’re 72. He had handled it well though, and had the car (as well as some of his savings) to me when he passed. Grandma had gone ahead of him some years before. I reiterate, cancer is a bitch. And now my beautiful car was down two tires, both passenger side whitewalls punctured by a myriad of screws and nails. I stared in disbelief. Wandering back down the road I found their source, an overturned coffee tin which was clearly some tradesman’s “spare shit” bin. Shaking my head and muttering expletives I strolled back to my car. Of course I had a spare in the trunk, and all the tools to change a tire, but who carts a second spare tire around? Still muttering words I could never let my mother hear, I searched on my phone for the number to the mechanic I had passed, finding an oddly polished website. JP’s machine and tire shop had someone tech savvy on the payroll. And they were punctual. Less than 15 minutes later I was standing on the concrete shop floor, watching JP himself remove my tires. “Lord, you’ve had some bad luck!” He boomed. I’d decided I liked JP. He was a big man, with a tanned face and forearms, betraying many days spent on the sun-soaked waters of the bay. “How in gods name did you manage to get this many holes in such nice tires?” I laughed. “I’m Gods strongest soldier I guess.” JP roared out a laugh. Laughter came easy to him it seemed. “There’s good news and bad news.” He said, awhile later. I’d quietly sat in a comfy chair in the shops waiting area, reading, while he focused on his work. “What’s the bad news?” I asked. “You’ve got to wait two days for new tires.” JP replied. I’d figured as much. What kind of small town auto shop would have whitewalls for a 1969 mustang just lying around. “Good news is, I got you a helluva deal on them. Buddy of mine runs a classics restoration shop in Orleans. He’ll send a truck to deliver your tires, but he’s short handed, thus the wait.” This was excellent (and intriguing) news. I’d expected the wait to be much longer, and the cost to be higher. As JP broke down my bill, explaining the pricing, I couldn’t help but feel pretty lucky, all things considered. I paid JP (thank you Grandpa) and wandered out into the Golden Meadow sunshine, my backpack slung over my shoulder.
Chapter 2 It was a damn fine evening on the bayou. I was paddling along between small islands overgrown with thick river reeds, in a kayak I’d rented from a local fishing guide named Sam. I’d spent the afternoon fishing from the kayak, with a breakdown rod I kept in my backpack. Now, as the sun was sinking low, turning the water orange and pink in the dying light, I paddled gently back to town. As I made it to the dock where Sam had told me to leave the kayak (very trusting fellow, Sam was) I heard faint music. It grew louder as I came closer to the dock. A myriad of fishing vessels, speedboats and jet skis obscured it as I drew close. But as I tied the kayak in place at Sam’s dock, I made out the lyrics. I recognized the song. Brown Haired Blue Eyed Baby, by JD Clayton. Excellent song. That was when I saw her. Standing on a tall fishing boat at the next dock over. She. Was. Breathtaking. With dark brown hair and a deep tan, she looked to be about my age. She was coiling a rope, faced away from me, singing along to the music. I suddenly realized I was staring, not saying anything, and she had no idea I was there. Realizing that this could be a bad look for me, I cast my eyes downward and dropped my backpack onto the dock, letting it fall heavily. I glanced up as she swung around, pretending I hadn’t seen her until now. “Oh, hey!” I said, a bit too loudly. After a pause she returned the greeting somewhat cautiously. “Hey.” Words failed me. She had turned to face me now and I saw her eyes for the first time. They were a vivid blue, that reflected the light from the water, even as the sun sank. I had a sudden burst of confidence, thinking to myself that worst case scenario, e.g. rejection, I could always just leave in two days and never see her again. “Hey, listen, this might be a little too bold, but you are incredibly pretty.” I said, the words rushing from my mouth. She seemed shocked, and for a second I thought she was disgusted. Then her cheeks flushed and I realized she was blushing. I pushed on. “Sorry, sorry, that was probably a little too much, I’m so..” she cut me off with a laugh. Damn, even her laugh was cute. “It’s okay!” She exclaimed, breathlessly. “you just surprised me, that’s all.” I smiled broadly. She returned the smile. “I’m Dave.” I said, somewhat sheepishly. Extending a hand upwards to her perch on the boat. Still smiling she took it and said “I’m Emmy Lou.” Emmy Lou and I ended up talking for almost an hour as the sun disappeared and the moon shone brightly upon us. She told me about her life, growing up a local in this small town, working on one of Sam’s guide boats. I told her about Arizona, the summer I spent restoring my mustang (I mostly just wanted her to know I had a cool car), and all about Dave’s Grand Tour. She was sweet, a good listener, but she seemed tough, a girl who knew how to handle herself, even at 18. She was still living with her parents, saving up to move out. “Where will you go?” I asked her. “When you move out I mean.” She shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t really thought that far ahead. Maybe to Texas? I’ve always wanted to be a cowgirl.” I grinned. “You’d certainly make a good one.” I replied. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” She exclaimed in a joking manner. Her and I had fallen into a rhythm of teasing and joking very easily. I laughed as I replied in protest, “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that! You just seem to be naturally good at most things you try.” She blushed again. It was almost a familiar sight to me now. She broke eye contact. She generally had to be the first one to do so, since I seemed to be frozen every time I looked in her eyes. “Listen.” She said, standing up. “This has been a lot of fun, but I’ve gotta get home. My folks will be worried.” I stood as well. “Oh, alright.” I couldn’t hide my disappointment. “Hey, I’ll be around town tomorrow, since my tires won’t be in. Maybe I could see you around?” She looked down at her toes and said quietly “I’d like that.” We wished each other good night and went our separate ways, her to her parents place and me to a quiet motel room near the mechanic, a 20 minute walk away. I was almost to the motel when the light flashed across me. It was a flashlight beam, coming from the sidewalk in front of me. I froze. “Well hey there son!” Came a long southern drawl. “Decided to stay in town after all?” For some reason, the Sheriffs voice made my skin crawl. What made it worse was him shining the light in my face. It made it impossible to see him. I squinted hard. “Hey Sheriff. Yeah I’m in town for a couple days more.” Before I could continue (ask him to stop blinding me) he jumped in. “Now what’s held you up young fella. Car trouble?” He said. I paused. There was something about the way he asked the question that I didn’t like. Like he already knew the answer. “Yeah, how did you..” “Oh damn me!” He interrupted, not acknowledging my question at all. “I forgot!” He finally stopped shining the light in my eyes. (Hallelujah.) As my eyes readjusted to the dimly lit sidewalk, the flashlight now pointing down, the sheriff said “This here’s Mr. Wellers.” A deep new voice, clearly articulated “Hello Mr. Lawrence, the Sheriffs told me a lot about you.” I raised my eyes to meet this newcomers and was startled. In stark contrast to the Sheriff, Mr. Wellers was tall, well built and spoke with no accent. He had brown eyes, perfectly trimmed and combed blonde hair and was wearing… a lab coat? I blinked, my brain trying to process. All I could think to say was “Mister? Not….. doctor?” I thought it might be an offensive question at first, as the Sheriff looked at me reproachably and Mr. Wellers cast his eyes downward as if embarrassed. “I uhhhhh… used to be. My license was revoked.” Wow. There’s a rabbit hole I don’t need to go down within seconds of meeting this man. “Oh I’m so sorry” I said lamely. “That sucks.” “You’re damn right it does.” Growled out Gore. He seemed more offended over my apparent faux pa than his friend. “He was my personal doctor for many years. He’s a damned fine doctor too!” “E.” Mr. Wellers said quietly. “It’s alright.” This interaction had passed into the realm of the surreal. I had no idea why these two were out alone together after dark, and frankly I didn’t want to know. (Once again, minding my own business.) “Right… well it was good to see you, and nice meet you Dr. I mean… Mr. Wellers.” I cringed at my own words. God, just let me out of this conversation. “And a pleasure meeting you as well young man!” Said Mr. Wellers. I felt bad. He seemed like such a normal, reasonable guy when compared to Gore. “By the way.” His deep voice rang out again as I moved down the street. “What’s your blood type?” My brain malfunctioned. “My… uhm… what?” I struggled for words. “Blood type!” He exclaimed. Seeing the confusion in my eyes he elaborated. “We’re having a blood drive tomorrow.” (Oh hallelujah lord, thank god this guy doesn’t want to steal my blood.) “we could really use all we can get, you know. Being in a remote place like Golden Meadows it’s important we have a little extra on hand.” His tone put me at rest once more. “I’m O negative.” I said. “Universal donor. If I’ve got time tomorrow I’ll stop by.” I said it mostly to placate him and get out of the conversation faster. But his tone as he thanked me profusely, as well as the obvious gratitude in his doe brown eyes made me actually want to go help. I resolved myself to actually stop by and donate tomorrow. Might as well right? Not like I’ve got anything else to do. I finally made it to my hotel room and by the time I was cleaned up and in bed I had almost forgotten about the awkward demeanor of the pair. Although the Sheriff still made me hellishly uncomfortable. He had a way of staring at you like you were a snack he was about to eat. I shuddered, decided not to think about that anymore and rolled over, thinking of Emmy Lou and the possibilities of tomorrow.
Chapter 3 I was having some difficulty finding Emmy. I’d been down to the dock, had breakfast at the cafe, wandered the town and even hung out in the bait and tackle shop Sam run in conjunction with his guide business. No sign of her. I was checking out an enormous tarpon mounted above some fly rods when Sam’s voice floated over to me. “She’s out on the boat.” I heard the mirth in his voice and turned to face him. He was behind the counter, tying a huge streamer, round glasses perched precariously on the end of his long nose. He was an older man, maybe 50, with a bald head, strong hands and several old school tattoos, harkening back to his days in the navy. He looked over his glasses at me, his heavy eyebrows raised and a cheeky smile on his face. “She didn’t stop talking about you until they left.” He said. “Oh.” I blushed heavily. Looking back it must have been pretty obvious that I wasn’t there for hooks or spinning lures. “When will she be back?” I said, deciding not to hide my true motives. “Sunset.” He said. “Maybe sooner if they catch a big bait of red drum.” I nodded. “Thank you.” I said, and I meant it. I had been going crazy, cursing myself for not getting her number at least. But now my hope was restored. She’d be back. And then I could see her again. I headed towards the door. “Hey kid.” Sam called. I turned back to him. He had his glasses in his hand now, and he was looking at me with his full attention. “Yes sir?” “Don’t hurt her. She’s an angel and we’re all pretty protective of her.” I nodded. Sam was surely referring to his crew of fishermen and guides, a tough group of seamen, some of whom I’d met yesterday while they were gearing up for the afternoon. I definitely didn’t want to get on their bad side. Now it was Sam’s turn to nod. “Good.” Was all he said as he turned back to his work. I wandered back down the boardwalk into town, wondering how I would kill the long hours until sunset, when I saw the Sheriffs squad car. It was parked outside the small town hospital, and suddenly I remembered our awkward conversation last night. The blood drive! There’s a good way to kill an afternoon in the quietest town on the planet. I strolled across to the hospital, and walked through the sliding doors (the only set in town.) “Mr. Lawrence!” Mr. Wellers greeted me enthusiastically. “Glad to see you my boy!” People in this town sure get familiar fast. “Hey Mr. Wellers, where do I go for the blood drive?” The once-doctor directed me to his exam room. “I’ll just need to give you a checkup, make sure you’re in good shape to donate.” It seemed odd that he had an exam room, since he had no medical license. Come to think of it, I’ve never heard of getting a checkup before blood donation, but I shrugged it off as another oddity of Golden Meadows. Weird Sheriff, too-friendly strangers and the most beautiful girl (I believed.) in the south. This town was a trip. Mr. Wellers was talkative as he took my blood pressure, temperature, stared down my throat and peered into my eyes and ears, writing notes on his clipboard as he spoke. “You’re in damn fine health young man.” I knew I was. Years of physical activity and decent genetics (thanks dad.) kept me strong and healthy. I rarely got sick, played football through high school and never seemed bothered by sweltering Arizona heat, something that had benefited me greatly in the humid southern states. Mr. Wellers asked questions about all of these things. He seemed genuinely interested and I got the feeling he was asking more for his own curiosity than any official reason. “Well son,” he was saying now. “You’re the picture of health.” “Thanks.” I replied. “So where do I go to donate.” “Actually,” he said, a bit too quickly. “We’ve had a lot of donations today, far more than expected.” “Oh, so you don’t want me to donate?” I was confused. He’d made it seem like they seriously needed more donations. I brushed it off. Over-selling a problem did make sense. Sometimes it was the only way to get things done in a small town. “No no, we’d still love for you to donate!” He said, once again speaking quickly. “Just give me some time to make my preparations! He smiled, kindly. “Alright… “ I said, at a loss. This seemed so weird, I was beginning to get a bad feeling. Were Mr. Wellers motivations entirely… pure? He seemed to be trying to achieve something with his interactions with me, although I wasn’t sure what. “Well, I guess I’ll stop by later then.” I said, my voice laden with confusion. Mr. Wellers pretended not to notice, uttering vague complacencies as he sent me on my way. I stepped back out of the hospital, vaguely wondering why I hadn’t seen a single living soul inside besides Mr. Wellers. The reception desk had been empty since I came in, the intercom was quiet and I saw no nurses, doctors or patients. I’m starting to really hate the emptiness of this town. I wonder if my tires had come in…
Chapter 4 After a snack from the convenience store and a stop by JP’s to see my car I was wandering town again, aimlessly. The sheriff had driven past twice, smiling at me through his squad car window unblinkingly. I wondered what had happened to him in his life for his social behavior to be so odd. Maybe he had a bad childhood or was raised by an alligator or something. That would explain the toothy smiles and the never-blinking at least. It was about 2 o’clock. JP had assured me my tires would be in tomorrow, which suited me okay. I was almost hesitant to leave, since Emmy Lou was still in town and good lord knows I had an interest in her. Goodness she was fine. I was walking down the street, not really paying attention to anything going on, listening to in thoughts of Emmy. Her hair, her eyes, her walk, she walked… right behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. “Hey Dave!” I spun around, my mind returning guiltily from the gutter. “Emmy! Sam said you wouldn’t be off the boat until sundown!” “We limited out. What can I say, I’m just that good.” she spread her arms in a kind of proud shrug, a sarcastic-cocky smile on her face. I smiled too. She had that effect on me. “Hey, I realized I never got your number!” She looked surprised. “You want it?” Now I was surprised. “I… yeah, I really do. I mean, I think you’re great and I don’t want to lose contact when I…” the air around us suddenly felt heavier. I was suddenly nervous. Had I misjudged her interest? Did she see me as some passerby, a very temporary friend? A smile cautiously returned to her face. “You can have my number.” She said. “But if you move back to Arizona forever I’m not going to text you back.” Thank god. I thought I’d totally dropped the bag. “Deal.” I said, smiling once more. Emmy and I spent the afternoon talking as we saw the meager sights in town. We had an ice cream at the cafe, (rocky road for me, strawberry for her.) stopped by the mechanic (I really wanted to show off the car.) and then wandered out to the towns hiking path. Half a mile down the coast, down a dirt road, it was a great spot to be alone. I was promising Emmy a proper date once my car was running and she was laughing at me. “Sonic is not a real date.” She said through giggles. “Sonic is the perfect date. It’s like going to a restaurant but you don’t have to see any people.” I replied, playing up my anti-socialism to seem quirky, and praying it was working. As we reached the trailhead I heard the now familiar sound of the Sheriffs car on the road behind us. He wasn’t smiling this time. He watched us as we silently walked onto the trail. “Jesus, this dude is everywhere.” I muttered, as the trees began to obscure him from view. Emmys brow furrowed. (God she looked cute when she did that.) “What do you mean? He just sits at the cafe usually.” She said. “Wait, what?” Now my brow furrowed. “I’ve seen him all over town today. It’s like he’s following me.” “Maybe he thinks you’re trouble.” She teased. I shook my head. “Maybe. He’s been weirdly polite to me ever since we met.” Emmy shrugged. “Southern charm I guess. He’s a weird guy.” “Yeah he is. It feels like he’s” I made my voice as provocative as I could. “Checking me out.” I mocked a sexy stance. Emmy thought I was hilarious. She laughed and slapped my chest gently, her hand resting against me. Suddenly the air was heavy again. Her cheeks turned red but her hand stayed on my chest. My hands rested comfortably on her hips. This is as close as we’d been. Our eyes locked, her bright blue meeting my gentle brown. We stood there for a long time.
Chapter 5 The best part of road-tripping? Besides actually tripping, as I’d done in White Sands, New Mexico and a secluded beach in Texas. Sleeping in. My hotel room was perfect. I’d spent a lot of nights on Dave’s Grand Tour camping under the stars and it was amazing. But it wasn’t better than sleeping until noon on a thick mattress with the A/C blasting. I couldn’t have asked for a better night’s rest to end my trip in Golden Meadows. As I walked down to JP’s shop I reflected on the small towns impact on me. I was happy. JP was sitting in a rocking chair with his shop doors wide open. My car was next to him, four whitewall tires underneath. “Wondered when you’d be by.” Boomed JP. “Truck came this morning, she’s all ready for you.” His broad grin rippled across his face as he watched me inspect his work approvingly. “Thanks JP, this is amazing.” He nodded graciously as I tossed my backpack in the trunk. “Hey JP?” He noted my tone become more business-like and focused his eyes on me seriously. “Yessir?” He asked, his curiosity apparent. “That friend, the one with the restoration shop. Is he hiring?” JP’s eyebrows shot skyward. “Well son, I believe he is. You looking for work?” I nodded. “I’m thinking about settling down somewhere in the area, staying for a while.” JP grinned broadly again, his eyes betraying a secret. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with little miss Emmy Lou would it?” I blushed heavily. JP had watched Emmy and I as I showed her my car, explaining all the places I’d repaired and restored. He’d been grinning then too. “Well” JP’s voice returned to business and his eyebrows returned to their resting place. “Based on what I’ve seen of your work.” He gestured to the mustang. “I’d be willing to put in a good word with him.” “Thanks JP. I really do appreciate it.” And I did. The point of Dave’s Grand Tour was to find a place I could call home. And it was beginning to seem that I’d found it. I was on the road now, headed to New Orleans. JP had set up an interview for me with his friend and I was hopeful that it would work out. I’d been on the road about an hour, listening to music and texting Emmy, (don’t text and drive kids.) when I got the call. A blocked number. I didn’t answer the first three. But I finally decided it wasn’t scammers or something when the fourth call came, seconds after I’d sent the third to voicemail. “Hello?” I said. “Hello there Lawrence.” Came the Sheriffs voice, low and dripping with anger. “I have someone here who wants to talk to you.” “What the… what’s this all” I was cut off by Emmy’s voice. “Dave? Dave?!” There was panic in her tone and she sounded like she’d been crying. The brakes on the mustang squealed as my muscles responded on their own. I had turned around and was flying back to Golden Meadows as fast as the thought crossed my mind. “What is this?” I yelled. “Emmy what’s happening?!” Gores voice came crackling through the phone. “Meet me at Mr. Wellers office. Sundown.” And the line clicked off before I could answer. What was happening? “Oh god, oh god.” I said shakily as I pushed the mustang to new speeds. What was happening? What did the Sheriff want? Why did he have Emmy Lou?!
Chapter 6 GRAPHIC CONTENT. GRAPHIC CONTENT. DO NOT READ IF SQUEAMISH. I WARNED YOU. That was the longest drive of my life. I’d driven from Arizona to Louisiana, crossed Texas end to end in that car, but this drive was the worst. I was panicking. My tires slid easily as I gunned the engine, turning into the hospital parking lot. I stopped right in front of the doors and left the engine running as I sprinted headlong through them, barely giving them time to open. “GORE!” I yelled as I stepped into the lobby. “GORE WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” The lights were off, the air desperately still as I spun, looking every direction. Gore showed himself. He looked smug, his service pistol pressed against Emmys temple, her arm locked in his vice-like left hand. “There you are boy.” His thick accent dripped venom. “I didn’t find the perfect specimen just to let it slip away.” My mind reeled. Specimen? What was happening? And why did he have Emmy? What WAS this? Before I could collect my thoughts he spoke again, Emmy shaking in his grip, wordless, staring at me helplessly. “There’s a rag on the counter. Put it over your mouth and breathe in.” “What?” Why are you doing this?!” I said, the air in my lungs seemingly not enough to yell. “DO IT.” The Sheriff screamed, his face turning red. “DO IT OR I WILL SHOOT HER, SHOOT YOU AND HAUL YOUR LIFELESS BODY TO THE O.R.” His voice shook with rage, every syllable seeming to enrage him further. “Okay! Okay, I’ll do it.” I walked to the counter, my hands up, palms forward. I took the rag, placed it over my mouth and nose and breathed deeply. “Wake up Lawrence!” Came a singsong voice, breaking through my sleeping mind. “Waaaake upppp.” My eyelids were heavy. So heavy. I forced them up. Blue eyes stared down at me. Was that… Mr. Wellers? I tried to sit up, tried to speak, tried to move. I couldn’t. Mr. Wellers looked overjoyed. “Ahh the serum worked! Total paralysis, with a fully functioning mind!” His eyes. What was wrong with his eyes? Were they always… “I bet you’re wondering what’s happening to you.” Mr. Wellers said, his tone jovial. “You see Dave, I didn’t lie, we do desperately need donations. Just not blood.” He was holding… my eyes struggled to focus on the shining silver tool. A scalpel? “No no, we need far more precious donations.” A searing pain shot across my chest. Was he cutting into me?! He was staring at my chest as his hands worked, out of my view. The pain was unbearable. I couldn’t move, couldn’t scream, couldn’t even tense my body against the pain. Instead, my mind screamed, the searing feeling of a cold blade tracing below my ribs blocking all thought. “You know, I started the practice of organ transplants.” I heard Wellers speak as if underwater. “That was long before even your parents were born.” The cutting subsided, leaving a sharp ache that made me pray I’d black out. “I’ve been replacing parts as they get wore out ever since. A kidney here, a hand there. Much like you do with that car of yours.” His eyes met mine. Why were they… “of course, I need constant donations for this lifestyle.” He was speaking so calmly. “And you’ve got some shiny parts in here.” My stomach. What was he doing? “Like this lovely one here!” I felt a tugging sensation in my gut and Wellers voice faded away. Those eyes. My last thought made me wish I was dead. Those eyes. They weren’t his. They were Emmy’s. I don’t know how long it was before I awoke. But when I did I could move. I was in a stupor. All I saw were blurs. My body seemed to move on its own accord. I heard crying. I smelt something. Sweat. My mind was not working, but on some deep level my consciousness took hold. Sweaty pig. The thought slid across my delirious mind as my arms made contact with something solid but pliable. My lower consciousness took hold and I felt it give way beneath my strength. My hands felt wet. How odd. A voice. What a calming voice that is. Too bad. Such a shame. The thoughts slid across my mind, meaning nothing as my arms went about their task, levering some thing against something else. There was quite a bit of resistance. I felt it give way and a scream rippled across my absent mind. Hope I’m not breaking anything important. Another strange thought. Not mine. Whose? Why were my hands so wet? My chest too. What’s going…. I woke up for the second time. This time I could move and think both. Emmy Lou was beside my bed. I was in a hospital room. She was sleeping, a mask covering her eyes from the midday sun streaming through a window. I… remembered. “Emmy!” I yelled, tears coming to my eyes. I tried to stand but was held down by searing pain. Emmy rushed to my side, the mask still on her face. Wait. Not a mask. A bandage. “What happened?” I said, tears rolling down my face as I remembered everything that had happened. “Emmy? What happened?” She didn’t say anything. She was crying too, but no tears would come.
Epilogue That’s the story. What I can remember of it anyways. The cops told me the rest later. Mr. Wellers and Sheriff Gore had kidnapped Emmy and I. We were held in the hospital for days as everyone in town searched the river for our bodies. My mustang had been found submerged off the dock, and everyone thought Emmy and I were together in it. Her parents had cursed my name to a wordless ocean, screaming at the man who took their daughter, all while going to church with the Sheriff there to console them. The cops found us when Emmy Lou stumbled out into the street, screaming and blind. It had taken her hours to find her way out of the hospital. It’s hard to navigate when you can’t see. I had to hear the rest of the story from her. After our kidnapping they had operated on her. Removing her eyes, a third of her blood and one of her kidneys. Then they went to work on me. I’m still not entirely sure what they took from me. Everything seems to still be intact, my body healing from the meaningless surgeries well. Emmy says she pretended to pass out after hearing my screaming stop. The sheriff, receiving instructions from Wellers had then tried to move her to a different room. She managed to slip away from him, while blind and run to where she’d heard my screams. She found me, and a syringe. In a moment of madness she stabbed the syringe into my shoulder and empty its contents into me, hoping to kill me and end my suffering. Turns out the syringe had a potent mix of drugs, including pure adrenaline. The restraints that held me tore like paper. According to Emmy, all she heard from then on was me humming a tuneless song and Wellers and E. Gore screaming. She made her way out of the room and started trying to find the exit to the hospital. When she finally made it out and Sam called the state police they found me in the operating room, standing above the broken bodies of the malicious pair, humming and swaying back and forth. Yep, they tazed the shit out of me. When they noticed my injuries they rushed me to an actual hospital where I was remained for a week as my body worked through the drugs, the surgery recovery and the concussion I got after the cops tazed me and I fell into a medicine cabinet. Didn’t feel a thing. (Thank you drugs.) All of this happened five years ago. I wrote this story under the direction of my therapist. She thinks I need to let go. But I can’t. I found a record of Dr. Wellers license revocation. Only problem, it’s from the 1850s. I tried to learn anything I could about either Dr. Wellers or Sheriff E. Gore, but they were ghostlike. I can’t get over the questions I have. Questions like, why? And how? The police think they were selling organs on the black market, but I know what I saw. Wellers was wearing Emmy’s eyes. That’s why she’s blind. The cops don’t believe me, and in my drug stupor I destroyed any evidence there might have been. There wasn’t much left of either of my tormentors. I’m gonna stop writing now. These memories are painful. They are the reason I have a blind wife, a guilty conscience and a deeply scarred chest that’s painful to see in the mirror. They are the reason my hand bones are crooked, broken against a thick skull. I have many unanswered questions, and now I’m building a life on unsteady ground. But that’s enough now. I’m late for my meeting. I’ve got a client who wants me to restore a 78’ impala and then I have to pick Emmy up from her art studio. I hope my story helps someone out there. But for me, it just hurts.
Credits: The idea for the monster that is Wellers came from an episode of supernatural where they fight an organ stealing ancient doctor. This is also kind of an adaptation of the story of Frankensteins monster, with Dave playing the part of the monster at the end. I also leaned heavily on other creepy storys told on creepcast and I hope I didn’t step on any toes doing so. This is my first time writing something like this and I enjoyed it a lot, even if you guys don’t. Thank you for reading!

Chapter 3.
It had been three hours.
Cain checked his watch again, though he had already checked it innumerable times before.
Three hours and 16 minutes. Add 47 seconds to that to be precise.
The noises had died down. There were no more screams, and bangs or crashes were rare occurrences: likely delayed reactions, like weakened walls falling over after hours of slow deterioration, or cars finally exploding after sitting in a burning pile, oil and gas slowly heating up until finally combusting. These would probably go on for days, maybe even weeks.
Which, of course, meant one thing: It was time for him to get up. Or well, he could get up now. Though, theoretically, the longer he waited, the safer it would be. Eventually there would be a point when waiting any longer would be pointless, detrimental, even. But who was he to say when that point was? He remembered learning that you needed to drink water once every three days to survive, so he would need to leave before then, but was a day too long? It seemed harmless to wait just a day.
Angel would be fine for a while. She had been given fresh food and water this morning and if she got desperate, she could rip open the bag of food. She had done it before, he had taught her not to of course, but if she was starving, she would do what she needed. As for water, he usually left the toilet bowl open. And what were the odds he closed the bathroom door in both bathrooms?
An unwelcome thought drifted through his mind, like the cruelly burned scrap of a once beloved piece of literature blowing in on a breeze.
It was his mother in the kitchen of their tiny little house, when he had been very young. He had said something about his homework which he didn’t remember, and she had said.
“What you want to do is called pro-crast-in-a-tion. And it ‘s a real bad thing. Its like lying to me or someone else, but its worse cause when you procrastinate you lie to yourself. You say ill do it in an hour, and when an hour rolls around, you say, “Well I would do it now, but I’m almost finished with the chapter of this book, but in 30 more minutes ill be up to it, and I don’t have to do it until next Tuesday, so what’s the harm.” But then when Tuesday rolls around you look back and realize you just kept on going like that and never stopped. So you always gotta just up and do it when you can do it.”
Well shit. He knew he was lying to himself. There was no danger out there, none which could be prevented by waiting another hour. He knew why he was staying up here and he had known since the screaming had stopped. The chunk of red meat that had plopped down beside him crossed his internal vision like a lightning bolt that left a searing, unpleasant after-image. Then came the unnamed man with his black hair and, red-tinged eyes, and his mindless pig screams. Then the car which so casually and yet so directly smashed into the skyscraper. The driver uncaring about his imminent death. Th e ripple of glass and the rain of shards.
He reached up and touched his temple and found a rough patch of scabbed over blood where the shard had cut him, and the blood had dried.
Yes, he knew why he was still up here.
Coward, loser.
It was then that he noticed movement on the street through the window. He had noticed movement before; there were a few people walking around in a drugged haze, people who the internet had just taken to calling zombies. They did not seem to be capable of thought, communication, or even basic instinctual survival. But what he saw was clearly not a zombie, or rather a pair of zombies.
He was looking at intelligent and living human beings. Their movements were smooth and fluid, unlike the slow and aimless trudge of the few zombies he had seen. The arms of one person moved in the deliberate motions of a person trying to make a point, and he could see the mouth of one, a woman with blond hair, moving in speech.
He should go down and talk to them shouldn’t he? If they were walking around, then there was a good chance the streets were safe anyway. With a start, he turned around and began walking toward the white door. He felt the memories start rolling through his mind again, as if the act of walking toward the door had activated some demented burglar alarm. He let the memories slide across his mind but he kept himself calm.
You always gotta just up and do it when you can do it.
It was time. If there was ever an opportunity to go outside, this was it. He walked toward the door and then down the stairs. The memories increased in intensity as he walked closer to the outside like he was walking toward a blinding and nauseating light. But he steeled himself and let the memories pass over him. A random line came to him :
The calm in the center of the storm.
He was halfway toward the door, an open rectangle framed with shards of jagged glass, when he heard a few wisps of conversation from the two outside.
“I cannot believe it….”
“They were so much weaker..”
“The splintered wander and…”
He drew closer and he heard a few lines more clearly.
“They are like mindless mutts, let out into the wild after being coddled by their master for their entire lives.” The voice was a woman’s, presumably belonging to the blonde. It contained a tone of slight disgust and contempt that Cain reserved for such topics as the dead and rotting rat he found behind the toilet, or the goey dog shit that he stepped in the one time he walked outside barefoot.
“You are letting Shara control you,” a male voice responded, overly calm “I do not blame you for the slip, there is a lingering essence of it.” The voice said the last word with a chill that spread gooseflesh along Cain’s skin.
“If you just examine your last sentence, you will see that it has managed to worm its way into your mind. Clear your mind and focus, we must capture splintered, and I do not want to lose you to Shara. Many of the weaker will lose to their host, but you have always been strong.”
The female paused and then spoke with immaculately controlled emotion.
“You are right, Goren. I can feel it inside me now that I look. It is a parasite that feeds on me and grows fat on my weakness. I need to be quiet now, I must focus on controlling myself.”

Cain had his back against the wall beside the open doorframe and he held himself utterly still. His balls clenched tightly and goosebumps stood out across all of his exposed flesh. The voices had been strange almost, inhuman. They lacked the normal emotional cadence of a conversation, a cadence that you didn’t even notice until it was gone. Both spoke in a flat lifeless sort of voice, each dominated utterly by a single emotion until that emotion was replaced by another in robotic flip.
They woman had said:
“They are like mindless mutts, let out into the wild after being coddled by their master for their entire lives.”
He thought of the zombies whose minds had been broken by an unbearable, unutterable agony. What else could she be talking about? There was nothing, mindless wandering the streets for the first time other than them.
This brought up another question: why were they both ok? The obvious answer was just: they both survived, dumbass. But there was more to it.
They knew each other clearly, but the survival rate, and the overall effect that the wave had inflicted seemed to be entirely random and immensely rare. The odds that two people who knew each other well both survived and recovered at the same time…. Well it seemed impossible.
The thought of the woman’s voice came to him again.
“They are like mindless mutts, let out into the wild after…”
There was something wrong with the way that voice had sounded, apart from the unnatural tone. She had sounded utterly disdainful, and disgusted, but even more than that, she had not sounded shaken.
She had said, “they” like she knew what she was talking about, like “they” were a subject brought up often in conversation. Like… she was not surprised.
They both miraculously survive, and she talks about the zombies like she’s been seeing them for years.
He didn’t even begin to know all the rest about “Splintered,” and “Shara,” or…”It,” code names maybe, or maybe the two people were just a pair of zombies who had gone batshit instead of turning into mindless, walking corpse, but he did know one thing.
These two seemed to have known about the wave before it happened and been prepared.
He needed to know more about this. It could mean the difference between his life and his death if these people set off another wave and he was less lucky. And if he learned what caused this and how to prepare or even tell others, it would be more important than anything.
It had been a long, long time since Cain had taken many risks, but he had before and he needed to now. He thought of a lanky 13-year-old boy, hair so dark with grime, that its rich red almost appeared brown.
With a heart like a drum he peered around through the doorway and saw the two figures shrinking town the corpse-ridden street.
Then he dashed toward the nearest gap between buildings, rolling each footfall from heel to toe to reduce noise. If he followed through the adjacent street over, they would be less likely to notice him following.
The two did not notice him crossing the street behind them and he successfully hid himself behind the cover of a building, where he stood for a few seconds, waiting for his racing heart to die down.
Why am I doing this? Why the fuck am I doing this?
The thought came unbidden and it made him realize that he had actually had no idea why he was doing this. A few thoughts had crossed his mind basically amounting to these people seem suspicious, I should follow them, and then he just leapt into action. But, he realized, it was not the thoughts that had convinced him to follow the pair, it was a feeling. The moment he had seen the two from the window he had been looking down from, he had known: there was something special about those two. Though, special might not be the correct word. The correct word might be something like errant, or deviant. No, it was abnormal. They were abnormal.

It was similar to how a mannequin looks like a person, but just by looking at it your mind is instantly able to tell that there is something wrong. It picks up on a dozen little details. The skin color looks a little too waxy, a little too even, there are none of the reddish, fluxuating hues seen in natural skin. The hair is too straight and it seems not to quite reflect the light in the right way. Everything is too stiff and too hard, it doesn’t breath or twitch or shift or blink.
He had unconsciously felt same feeling about the pair but in an indescribable and somehow irrefutable way. And he had also felt that he needed to follow the pair, that it was important, and he would regret it if he did not. He could never have explained the feeling, but he knew that it was right.
He pushed himself off the wall and speed walked along the adjacent road to catch up with the pair.
He was so dedicated to his task, that he never noticed how silent his steps were, or how proficiently he was able to read their body language to prevent detection.
For a while, his experience was utterly uninteresting. The two walked in silence, seemingly without purpose. They did not look around more than the normal amount seen in a person taking a walk down the street and, due to the blonde woman’s apparent problem, did not speak. Eventually they reached a Hilton hotel which sat confidently in the corner of an intersection, and the dark-haired man, Goren, put out a hand.
In a neutral tone, he said:
“It would be most efficient if we split out searched at this intersection and returned to this location in an hour. This would increase the chance of finding splintered and would cover the approximate amount of ground. Remember we do not need to be thorough, this is a reconnaissance mission with capturing splintered being a secondary objective.”
“Fuck. You. Goren. I am capable of retaining simple instructions for a few hours,” The woman almost whispered in a tone of extreme contempt.
She turned on a heel and did not walk, but stalked, down one of the paths of the intersection.
Goren did not respond to this, but simply watched her walk away with an unchanged expression, before turning and walking his own way with unhurried steps.
Cain watched from the shadow of a nearby dumpster, And with the pungent scent of expired McDonalds products wafting info his nose, made a decision.
He would follow the woman. Based on the limited information he had, it seemed like the best decision. She seemed more unstable and less composed than Goren and therefore less likely to notice him following her.
Simple is usually best.
As soon as both figures had moved what he thought was a safe distance away, he rushed toward a less exposed point of cover.
“Cassandra,” said an unnaturally calm voice, now tinged with something like glee.
“We have found something better than a splintered, come and take a look.”
Cain’s heart stopped in his chest and he though one thing:
Why did I do this, Jesus, why did I do this? I knew it was stupid the moment I did it. Why?
Cain looked up and saw the woman, Cassandra, peering at him from down the road. It was the same way a child might examine a cockroach trapped in a jar, a mix of interest and mild revulsion.
Actually sounding happy, she said. “This one must be quite incredible to recover so quickly, which means he might even be a threat.” The last word had that same near whisper, though it was not a whisper of anger, but of a gleeful excitement.
“Be careful,” Goren said, “It is hard to see, but its influence still greatly increases the strain of our hosts. We are far more vulnerable to being lost, so we must be cautious.”

Without waiting for a reply, Goren raised his arm high above his head.

What the fuck is he

Goren’s arm stretched and twisted and them with meaty pops bulged explosively outward, it reminded Cain of an elephant toothpaste explosion. So much volume, so much stuff, coming out where stuff had not been there before.
At first the stuff lacked form, it was merely a massive meaty mass, but in seconds it began to ripple and twist as it formed a shape like a reddish, glistening almond with several grooves.
As soon as Cain began to question, the almond shape burst open into five slender tentacles each connected with strings of a gooey mucus-like slime and each tipped with a hard blackened spike.
Jesus.
Goren rushed at Cain, with inhuman speed and a face utterly devoid of any emotion, even the glee he had seemed to show earlier. The tentacles readjusted so that the hardened spikes faced him. and before he could think do anything, even be terrified, they blurred toward him like meaty whips.
All Cain could do was raise his arms protectively and think.
STOP!
He felt a titanic impact on his raised arms and he flew backward, his legs somehow not giving out as his shoes skidded on the pavement.
For a split second, after he reached a stop, he remained in that same position, eyes squinted closed, arms raised in a protective cross. And then he noticed:
My arms…don’t hurt.
Sure, they ached from the impact, but they should have been broken and punctured, possibly even pierced straight through to his vulnerable chest. Those tentacles had been moving like a speeding truck, and the force would have been concentrated at the point of the spike. They should have been able to pierce steel.
He held his arms up and when he saw them, felt a shock even greater than he had felt from any of the events that had occurred throughout the day, because this was his body.
Bone protruded from the skin of his forearms in a thick white outcropping that extended outwards like a shield. Each outcropping was marred with several cone shaped puncture marks, but they didn’t hurt as internal bones would have.
Oddly, he thought of fingernails and hair and how their semi-dead, semi-living status prevented their loss from being painful.
With sudden fear he remembered and whipped his head up to see Goren flying toward him. The tentacles whipped and flailed in the air as if each has its own mind, before they each shot at him from their own angle, black spike-first.
Cain did not know how he did what he did next. In an instant he saw that not all of the tentacles would arrive at exactly the same time, meaning they could be avoided one at time. The first came from his left and he smashed it upwards, diverting its momentum with his shielded forearm. The next two came almost at the same time from his right aiming to pierce his left side in his gut and his chest.
He shot himself backwards in a near explosive dodge, the two spikes ruffling his shirt their passing, but in his distraction, looked up too late as the fourth blurred toward his unprotected forehead.
He was too slow! With those bone plates, his arms were too bulky and unresponsive to reach.
COME ON, FASTER!
In what felt like slow motion, his arms strained to reach the tentacle, but the trajectories were clear: one would reach before the other.
And then, his arms changed, lightened. The bulky plates melted away like they have never existed. Something that felt like a tube emerged from his elbow and there was an incredible burst of air.
His hand was around the tentacle, a few inches away from his forehead.
It wriggled and twisted like a snake, its lithe musculature enhanced by the slimy, mucus that coated it. And once again, for a split second, Cain was frozen by the sudden change in his body. But when he remembered this time it really was too late
Number five!
What felt like a slim yet powerful cable smashed into his calves and sent him sprawling forward before wrapping around his legs and lifting him upside down into the air.
In an instant the other four tentacles regrouped and faced him point first in every vital area
Finally, Cain had time to feel fear and it was like no other fear that he had ever felt, not even this very day. Because the thing that held him was no inexplicable force of nature, but a man. A twisted monster of a man who could shapeshift like a nightmare.
Am I so different?
Goren looked up at him with his dull eyes, one hand in a pocket and the other one raised into the air, the shirt sleeve torn and the arm split flowerlike into five red tentacles of meat.
“You will answer our questions and then we will kill you. If you do not answer, I will make you feel pain worse than you can imagine, you will answer, and then you will die anyway.”
He spoke like a professor explaining a simple logical process.
But Cain ignored him, he had a feeling, a feeling like the one that had told him the pair was abnormal. And it told him that he might be able to survive.
So he thought.
What was this ability he possessed? What did it do? When he had been attacked by Goren, he had raised his arms in defense and though “stop.” An instant later, he had grown his own shields of bone. When he needed to go faster, his arms changed in an instant to their current form, which seemed to be able to propel themselves with air to move faster. And of course throughout the entire fight he was able to move too quickly, to think and react too fast, to take damage too well. Even before he had been following them, he realized, he had been tracking far too proficiently. He was no private investigator who could follow someone for hours without being noticed.
The one commonality seemed obvious. It seemed like he was able to adapt, even in the most literal and physical sense, to the situation at hand.
But what was the limit?
Goren had been watching him silently, waiting for a response. Now he said:
“Very well, I will have to inflict pain. If you wish to die peacefully, this is your chance to speak. I do not wish to waste time on something so pointless.”
Goren raised his other hand, and his face twitched as it started to morph, though this time to a smaller degree.
You’re going to regret being this close to me!
Cain’s nose wrinkled and his eyes narrowed in pure hatred as he thought,
Fucking DIE!
Six spikes of bone erupted from Cain’s torso, one speared each of the five tentacles and the final one, extra long and with a barbed tip, speared straight between Goren’s dull brown eyes in a spurt of crimson. He had no time to even look surprised before he toppled backwards. Cain knew how quickly his “adaptations” occurred.
Cassandra, who had been hanging back, screamed a horrific and bestial wail of anger. Her face twisted and wrinkled like a rabid dog and a two red points of fire flared alight deep in her eyes like red coals. But suddenly she paused and stepped back, shaking with repressed emotion. With her demonic eyes burning into his she slapped a hand onto the ground and a something quicksilver and red slid out from her palm and onto the pavement until it encircled Cassandra like she was some demon trapped inside a summoner’s circle. Then she sank down into the circle, sending out ripples as she did. First legs, then chest, and finally head with its searing red dots burning into his soul. And then she was gone. The quicksilver circle made a small plop as Cassandra’s head disappeared into it and then it closed, and the pavement was back to normal.
Cain let out a sigh and sat on his ass in what was partly intentional and partly him collapsing from shock and exhaustion.
He accepted in an offhand way that he was shaking uncontrollably. Had the world gone FUCKING INSANE? It had been maybe four hours and now 99% of people were dead and walking nightmares disguised as people were wandering the streets.
And he had just killed one of them.


Chapter 4
From an anonymous notebook:
They do not look well upon us keeping written accounts of the goings on in their ranks, it is not a matter of distrust, of course, for all members are trusted absolutely, even myself for all that I am quite new. Though no one will search for this tome, and it will near certainly never be found, I still wish to hide my name in case of the most unlikely of chance should come to pass. I have seen what they do to those they see as having betrayed them.
A person who they see as having betrayed them is considered to be weak of heart and they are destroyed. And no I do not mean killed, though perhaps that may be a better fate. No, instead he or she is seized by a group of them and taken away to a secret place, the location of which I do not know, though I have my suspicions. They will be gone for a day and then they will return without so much as a single mark upon their bodies or visible damage of any kind. But I would far prefer a broken arm to sharing their fates, I tell you. You see it is not their bodies which are broken, but their minds. All who experience this fate, have a dull and vacant appearance as if they were asleep with their eyes open. It is like why were once shining diamonds, but returned tarnished and lacking shine of any kind.
Such people they have taken to calling serfs, an archaic term used to describe a laborer bound under a feudal lord, though I am told that the “scientific term” though science may be the wrong word, is “splintered.” And yes there is a reason for this, and I shall explain it later on. Suffice it to say that for my own sake, I will keep my name, along with all actions specific enough to incriminate me, outside of this tome and as you can well see, I have my reasons.
Now that I have explained myself, I should imagine that you, my nonexistent reader, have queries. Perhaps the largest of which is “Who are “they?””
This is a subject which is surprisingly difficult to answer, so I suppose I shall start with the most simple part of it all: their name. They, like most organizations of great size and influence, have many names, but are mostly known by one, The Coven.
And now that I have told you that, I admit I struggle even to put into writing where I should continue. Their scale perhaps? As far as my knowledge on the subject extends, The Coven is a vast and silent spider with its legs spread across all continents and its web ensnaring a great many people.
I am still unsure of many things about it myself as I have not been a member as long as most. What I do not know is perhaps more important that what I do, and I have stayed awake long nights in my bunk and simply questioned. Perhaps is was those long hours of thought alone in my bunk which compelled me to begin this journal. But in any case, I do not know their purpose, or who leads them, or aside from certain surface-level criteria, why they choose certain people to become members.
And yes, people are chosen to join, rather than joining themselves. There have actually ben. a few cases of people joining on purpose, though every such case still had its own measure of accidentalism. The Coven is and always has been silent and secret and so people simple cannot apply and join on their own. In my own imagination The Coven has some hidden criteria or switches out there in the world and when a person reaches that criteria or hits that switch he or she is watched and evaluated to see if he or she could become a member.

By simple deductive reasoning, I have thought of some of the more simple methods my potential trackers would use to decide if one is a worthy Coven member. Obviously, such a person could not have close family or friends who would notice him missing, and would need to be of a certain mind, though I do not know exactly what traits the Coven desires. And of course there is the question of how to integrate a person into the coven. A person must be able to explain to all those he knows, for all but hermits and homeless men know someone why he is disappearing. This requires a degree of intelligence, confidence and ability to lie. Of course such resources as a car, money, connections, ect. would be valued as well.

Chapter 1 People are so…. Social. I grew up in a small town in Arizona and I’ve always loved the peace and quiet. But as I aged, graduating high school and spending a restless summer trying to divine what a broke carpenters son could do with his life (and probably drinking and smoking too much.) the small town gossip really started to wear on me. I’ve never been a social butterfly, preferring to mind my own business and let others mind theirs. But in a small town that’s a luxury you can’t afford. Everyone there has watched you mature from a scrawny kid with a stutter to a quiet but confident young man and, as such, feel that they have some obligation to be sure that your life is going to go in the right direction. There’s only so many questions a 19 year old can take about a lack of college and girlfriends. Only so many conversations following the familiar lines of “well you know, college is there to prove to employers you can show up at the same time and place for 4 years.” Or “don’t rush it, I found my wife when I finally gave up on looking!” Or, most aggravating “God works in mysterious ways!” (No shit Barbara, he’s an unknowable, omnipotent entity and you sell Sephora.(Don’t you have a bland youth group sermon to give?) I guess this is my way of explaining why I left my hometown so hastily the beautiful autumn after graduation. My folks were pleased to see I was going to “find myself.” As my mother so romantically put it. They hoped I’d find some kind of inspiration out on life’s grand highway. My dad chuckled, his eyes full of memories from the days he was young and free, a youthful joy that even 25 years in construction couldn’t dampen. “Go sow your wild oats son! Just remember you’ll reap them in the end.” He said, a mischievousness that was rare for him lightening the words. That is how I came to be here, in Golden Meadow, Louisiana. “Arizona plates? Well ain’t you a long way from home?” The deep southern drawl, by now familiar to me after a week of driving through Louisiana, cut through a perfectly quiet morning. Great. A socialite. Why did I have to choose the south for this roadtrip? I forced a polite smile and turned to face dreaded small talk as I began pumping my gas. “That’s right!” As I spoke I sized up my new best friend. A short, profusely sweating man stood before me. He must have been about 5’ 5”, well below my respectable height of 6’. His hair, greasy but trimmed nicely, his sheriffs hat…. Fuck. This is a cop. “Sheriff E. Gore, pleased to meet you!” He drawled again, his accent, I noted, more Texas than Cajun. He extended a sweaty hand, which I took as a good sign. (The law usually isn’t so friendly to suspicious people.) I shook his hand, surprised by the strength that this somewhat rotund sheriff had, his grip strong but measured. I returned his introduction. “David Lawrence.” “What brings you down to our little town son?” I took a deliberate look around before I answered, my gaze sweeping over the small gas station, the almost empty street, the abandoned buildings, a liquor store and a dilapidated dollar general. “Just passing through.” It probably wouldn’t take long, I thought to myself. I could see most of town from where I was. My gaze returned to Sheriff Gore, and I realized he was staring at me hard, gauging me for something. “I’m on a bit of a roadtrip.” I added, trying to remove his focus from my arms. “Well built aren’t ya?” The Sheriff said. Jesus, what a way to start a conversation with a stranger. I forced through the awkwardness. “Yessir.” Forced grin, wishing my gas would pump faster. “I try to stay active.” The Sheriff’s attentive gaze and fixed smile never strayed from me. “How nice! You know, you should stick around town awhile, we’ve got lots to offer!” I decided to myself that I didn’t like the Sheriff, my earlier thought that he likely wasn’t suspicious since he was so friendly now giving way to the feeling that he was too friendly. I gritted my teeth. “I really would, but I’m trying to make it to New Orleans.” I said, maintaining my politely measured tone. I had no interest in staying in this town. “That’s such a shame.” The Sheriff said, his voice betraying disappointment. “It’s a lovely town, it really is.” I was saved from my own awkward response to his too-friendly, begging statement by his radio crackling loudly from his cruiser, parked outside the gas station convenience store. The words, unintelligible to me, evidently made sense to Gore, as he swung around and strolled back to his cruiser. He was oddly quick for a guy of his stature. “Well, good luck on the road Lawrence.” He shouted over his shoulder as he left. “Be careful on the roads and come visit us again real soon!” I shook off the bile-like aftertaste of Gore’s stare and went back to doing what I do best. Minding my own damn business. I wouldn’t be in town long. What I’d told the Sheriff was true. I was headed to New Orleans. My red ‘69 mustang and I were scheduled to enjoy a beautiful city, far from the normal tourist season, here in early October. The food, the music, the bars, all promised to be excellent and uncrowded, allowing a drifting 19 year old a place to breathe and make decisions. Maybe I’d find some work and stay awhile. Or I’d stay a week and then continue “Dave’s Grand Tour” as I’d taken to calling my trip. The idea of Dave’s Grand Tour was simple; find a place that speaks to me. I had no interest in college, as I’d found during high school that an enterprising young man could make a good bit of money just by taking opportunities when they come. I’d worked at a county fair, for the railroad and for local farmers and ranchers and I had found that there were lots of ways to make money. And I didn’t want to tie myself to a career. After all, my dad had built a pretty great life doing carpentry, something that didn’t take much time to learn. (Of course I’d already learned, from helping him.) I contemplated these things as I pulled out of the filling station and back onto the road. Not much farther to New Orleans. As I drove through town, past a small town mechanic, a diner and a tidy row of houses, I almost felt bad for leaving. This town was clearly dying. Empty buildings, boarded windows and beat up cars told the story of a town in decline. The coastal fishing village was picturesque though, and its people were friendly and polite. With the exception of Sheriff E. Gore. What the hell was that guys prob.. I was tore from my thoughts as the unmistakable sound of a popped tire hissed above the growl of my car. “Shit.” I muttered, pulling over to assess the damage. The damage, as it turned out, was extensive and likely expensive. The ‘stang was equipped with beautiful whitewall tires, painstakingly sourced by my grandfather during the restoration I had helped him with during his final years. Cancer is a bitch, especially when you’re 72. He had handled it well though, and had the car (as well as some of his savings) to me when he passed. Grandma had gone ahead of him some years before. I reiterate, cancer is a bitch. And now my beautiful car was down two tires, both passenger side whitewalls punctured by a myriad of screws and nails. I stared in disbelief. Wandering back down the road I found their source, an overturned coffee tin which was clearly some tradesman’s “spare shit” bin. Shaking my head and muttering expletives I strolled back to my car. Of course I had a spare in the trunk, and all the tools to change a tire, but who carts a second spare tire around? Still muttering words I could never let my mother hear, I searched on my phone for the number to the mechanic I had passed, finding an oddly polished website. JP’s machine and tire shop had someone tech savvy on the payroll. And they were punctual. Less than 15 minutes later I was standing on the concrete shop floor, watching JP himself remove my tires. “Lord, you’ve had some bad luck!” He boomed. I’d decided I liked JP. He was a big man, with a tanned face and forearms, betraying many days spent on the sun-soaked waters of the bay. “How in gods name did you manage to get this many holes in such nice tires?” I laughed. “I’m Gods strongest soldier I guess.” JP roared out a laugh. Laughter came easy to him it seemed. “There’s good news and bad news.” He said, awhile later. I’d quietly sat in a comfy chair in the shops waiting area, reading, while he focused on his work. “What’s the bad news?” I asked. “You’ve got to wait two days for new tires.” JP replied. I’d figured as much. What kind of small town auto shop would have whitewalls for a 1969 mustang just lying around. “Good news is, I got you a helluva deal on them. Buddy of mine runs a classics restoration shop in Orleans. He’ll send a truck to deliver your tires, but he’s short handed, thus the wait.” This was excellent (and intriguing) news. I’d expected the wait to be much longer, and the cost to be higher. As JP broke down my bill, explaining the pricing, I couldn’t help but feel pretty lucky, all things considered. I paid JP (thank you Grandpa) and wandered out into the Golden Meadow sunshine, my backpack slung over my shoulder.
Chapter 2 It was a damn fine evening on the bayou. I was paddling along between small islands overgrown with thick river reeds, in a kayak I’d rented from a local fishing guide named Sam. I’d spent the afternoon fishing from the kayak, with a breakdown rod I kept in my backpack. Now, as the sun was sinking low, turning the water orange and pink in the dying light, I paddled gently back to town. As I made it to the dock where Sam had told me to leave the kayak (very trusting fellow, Sam was) I heard faint music. It grew louder as I came closer to the dock. A myriad of fishing vessels, speedboats and jet skis obscured it as I drew close. But as I tied the kayak in place at Sam’s dock, I made out the lyrics. I recognized the song. Brown Haired Blue Eyed Baby, by JD Clayton. Excellent song. That was when I saw her. Standing on a tall fishing boat at the next dock over. She. Was. Breathtaking. With dark brown hair and a deep tan, she looked to be about my age. She was coiling a rope, faced away from me, singing along to the music. I suddenly realized I was staring, not saying anything, and she had no idea I was there. Realizing that this could be a bad look for me, I cast my eyes downward and dropped my backpack onto the dock, letting it fall heavily. I glanced up as she swung around, pretending I hadn’t seen her until now. “Oh, hey!” I said, a bit too loudly. After a pause she returned the greeting somewhat cautiously. “Hey.” Words failed me. She had turned to face me now and I saw her eyes for the first time. They were a vivid blue, that reflected the light from the water, even as the sun sank. I had a sudden burst of confidence, thinking to myself that worst case scenario, e.g. rejection, I could always just leave in two days and never see her again. “Hey, listen, this might be a little too bold, but you are incredibly pretty.” I said, the words rushing from my mouth. She seemed shocked, and for a second I thought she was disgusted. Then her cheeks flushed and I realized she was blushing. I pushed on. “Sorry, sorry, that was probably a little too much, I’m so..” she cut me off with a laugh. Damn, even her laugh was cute. “It’s okay!” She exclaimed, breathlessly. “you just surprised me, that’s all.” I smiled broadly. She returned the smile. “I’m Dave.” I said, somewhat sheepishly. Extending a hand upwards to her perch on the boat. Still smiling she took it and said “I’m Emmy Lou.” Emmy Lou and I ended up talking for almost an hour as the sun disappeared and the moon shone brightly upon us. She told me about her life, growing up a local in this small town, working on one of Sam’s guide boats. I told her about Arizona, the summer I spent restoring my mustang (I mostly just wanted her to know I had a cool car), and all about Dave’s Grand Tour. She was sweet, a good listener, but she seemed tough, a girl who knew how to handle herself, even at 18. She was still living with her parents, saving up to move out. “Where will you go?” I asked her. “When you move out I mean.” She shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t really thought that far ahead. Maybe to Texas? I’ve always wanted to be a cowgirl.” I grinned. “You’d certainly make a good one.” I replied. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” She exclaimed in a joking manner. Her and I had fallen into a rhythm of teasing and joking very easily. I laughed as I replied in protest, “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that! You just seem to be naturally good at most things you try.” She blushed again. It was almost a familiar sight to me now. She broke eye contact. She generally had to be the first one to do so, since I seemed to be frozen every time I looked in her eyes. “Listen.” She said, standing up. “This has been a lot of fun, but I’ve gotta get home. My folks will be worried.” I stood as well. “Oh, alright.” I couldn’t hide my disappointment. “Hey, I’ll be around town tomorrow, since my tires won’t be in. Maybe I could see you around?” She looked down at her toes and said quietly “I’d like that.” We wished each other good night and went our separate ways, her to her parents place and me to a quiet motel room near the mechanic, a 20 minute walk away. I was almost to the motel when the light flashed across me. It was a flashlight beam, coming from the sidewalk in front of me. I froze. “Well hey there son!” Came a long southern drawl. “Decided to stay in town after all?” For some reason, the Sheriffs voice made my skin crawl. What made it worse was him shining the light in my face. It made it impossible to see him. I squinted hard. “Hey Sheriff. Yeah I’m in town for a couple days more.” Before I could continue (ask him to stop blinding me) he jumped in. “Now what’s held you up young fella. Car trouble?” He said. I paused. There was something about the way he asked the question that I didn’t like. Like he already knew the answer. “Yeah, how did you..” “Oh damn me!” He interrupted, not acknowledging my question at all. “I forgot!” He finally stopped shining the light in my eyes. (Hallelujah.) As my eyes readjusted to the dimly lit sidewalk, the flashlight now pointing down, the sheriff said “This here’s Mr. Wellers.” A deep new voice, clearly articulated “Hello Mr. Lawrence, the Sheriffs told me a lot about you.” I raised my eyes to meet this newcomers and was startled. In stark contrast to the Sheriff, Mr. Wellers was tall, well built and spoke with no accent. He had brown eyes, perfectly trimmed and combed blonde hair and was wearing… a lab coat? I blinked, my brain trying to process. All I could think to say was “Mister? Not….. doctor?” I thought it might be an offensive question at first, as the Sheriff looked at me reproachably and Mr. Wellers cast his eyes downward as if embarrassed. “I uhhhhh… used to be. My license was revoked.” Wow. There’s a rabbit hole I don’t need to go down within seconds of meeting this man. “Oh I’m so sorry” I said lamely. “That sucks.” “You’re damn right it does.” Growled out Gore. He seemed more offended over my apparent faux pa than his friend. “He was my personal doctor for many years. He’s a damned fine doctor too!” “E.” Mr. Wellers said quietly. “It’s alright.” This interaction had passed into the realm of the surreal. I had no idea why these two were out alone together after dark, and frankly I didn’t want to know. (Once again, minding my own business.) “Right… well it was good to see you, and nice meet you Dr. I mean… Mr. Wellers.” I cringed at my own words. God, just let me out of this conversation. “And a pleasure meeting you as well young man!” Said Mr. Wellers. I felt bad. He seemed like such a normal, reasonable guy when compared to Gore. “By the way.” His deep voice rang out again as I moved down the street. “What’s your blood type?” My brain malfunctioned. “My… uhm… what?” I struggled for words. “Blood type!” He exclaimed. Seeing the confusion in my eyes he elaborated. “We’re having a blood drive tomorrow.” (Oh hallelujah lord, thank god this guy doesn’t want to steal my blood.) “we could really use all we can get, you know. Being in a remote place like Golden Meadows it’s important we have a little extra on hand.” His tone put me at rest once more. “I’m O negative.” I said. “Universal donor. If I’ve got time tomorrow I’ll stop by.” I said it mostly to placate him and get out of the conversation faster. But his tone as he thanked me profusely, as well as the obvious gratitude in his doe brown eyes made me actually want to go help. I resolved myself to actually stop by and donate tomorrow. Might as well right? Not like I’ve got anything else to do. I finally made it to my hotel room and by the time I was cleaned up and in bed I had almost forgotten about the awkward demeanor of the pair. Although the Sheriff still made me hellishly uncomfortable. He had a way of staring at you like you were a snack he was about to eat. I shuddered, decided not to think about that anymore and rolled over, thinking of Emmy Lou and the possibilities of tomorrow.
Chapter 3 I was having some difficulty finding Emmy. I’d been down to the dock, had breakfast at the cafe, wandered the town and even hung out in the bait and tackle shop Sam run in conjunction with his guide business. No sign of her. I was checking out an enormous tarpon mounted above some fly rods when Sam’s voice floated over to me. “She’s out on the boat.” I heard the mirth in his voice and turned to face him. He was behind the counter, tying a huge streamer, round glasses perched precariously on the end of his long nose. He was an older man, maybe 50, with a bald head, strong hands and several old school tattoos, harkening back to his days in the navy. He looked over his glasses at me, his heavy eyebrows raised and a cheeky smile on his face. “She didn’t stop talking about you until they left.” He said. “Oh.” I blushed heavily. Looking back it must have been pretty obvious that I wasn’t there for hooks or spinning lures. “When will she be back?” I said, deciding not to hide my true motives. “Sunset.” He said. “Maybe sooner if they catch a big bait of red drum.” I nodded. “Thank you.” I said, and I meant it. I had been going crazy, cursing myself for not getting her number at least. But now my hope was restored. She’d be back. And then I could see her again. I headed towards the door. “Hey kid.” Sam called. I turned back to him. He had his glasses in his hand now, and he was looking at me with his full attention. “Yes sir?” “Don’t hurt her. She’s an angel and we’re all pretty protective of her.” I nodded. Sam was surely referring to his crew of fishermen and guides, a tough group of seamen, some of whom I’d met yesterday while they were gearing up for the afternoon. I definitely didn’t want to get on their bad side. Now it was Sam’s turn to nod. “Good.” Was all he said as he turned back to his work. I wandered back down the boardwalk into town, wondering how I would kill the long hours until sunset, when I saw the Sheriffs squad car. It was parked outside the small town hospital, and suddenly I remembered our awkward conversation last night. The blood drive! There’s a good way to kill an afternoon in the quietest town on the planet. I strolled across to the hospital, and walked through the sliding doors (the only set in town.) “Mr. Lawrence!” Mr. Wellers greeted me enthusiastically. “Glad to see you my boy!” People in this town sure get familiar fast. “Hey Mr. Wellers, where do I go for the blood drive?” The once-doctor directed me to his exam room. “I’ll just need to give you a checkup, make sure you’re in good shape to donate.” It seemed odd that he had an exam room, since he had no medical license. Come to think of it, I’ve never heard of getting a checkup before blood donation, but I shrugged it off as another oddity of Golden Meadows. Weird Sheriff, too-friendly strangers and the most beautiful girl (I believed.) in the south. This town was a trip. Mr. Wellers was talkative as he took my blood pressure, temperature, stared down my throat and peered into my eyes and ears, writing notes on his clipboard as he spoke. “You’re in damn fine health young man.” I knew I was. Years of physical activity and decent genetics (thanks dad.) kept me strong and healthy. I rarely got sick, played football through high school and never seemed bothered by sweltering Arizona heat, something that had benefited me greatly in the humid southern states. Mr. Wellers asked questions about all of these things. He seemed genuinely interested and I got the feeling he was asking more for his own curiosity than any official reason. “Well son,” he was saying now. “You’re the picture of health.” “Thanks.” I replied. “So where do I go to donate.” “Actually,” he said, a bit too quickly. “We’ve had a lot of donations today, far more than expected.” “Oh, so you don’t want me to donate?” I was confused. He’d made it seem like they seriously needed more donations. I brushed it off. Over-selling a problem did make sense. Sometimes it was the only way to get things done in a small town. “No no, we’d still love for you to donate!” He said, once again speaking quickly. “Just give me some time to make my preparations! He smiled, kindly. “Alright… “ I said, at a loss. This seemed so weird, I was beginning to get a bad feeling. Were Mr. Wellers motivations entirely… pure? He seemed to be trying to achieve something with his interactions with me, although I wasn’t sure what. “Well, I guess I’ll stop by later then.” I said, my voice laden with confusion. Mr. Wellers pretended not to notice, uttering vague complacencies as he sent me on my way. I stepped back out of the hospital, vaguely wondering why I hadn’t seen a single living soul inside besides Mr. Wellers. The reception desk had been empty since I came in, the intercom was quiet and I saw no nurses, doctors or patients. I’m starting to really hate the emptiness of this town. I wonder if my tires had come in…
Chapter 4 After a snack from the convenience store and a stop by JP’s to see my car I was wandering town again, aimlessly. The sheriff had driven past twice, smiling at me through his squad car window unblinkingly. I wondered what had happened to him in his life for his social behavior to be so odd. Maybe he had a bad childhood or was raised by an alligator or something. That would explain the toothy smiles and the never-blinking at least. It was about 2 o’clock. JP had assured me my tires would be in tomorrow, which suited me okay. I was almost hesitant to leave, since Emmy Lou was still in town and good lord knows I had an interest in her. Goodness she was fine. I was walking down the street, not really paying attention to anything going on, listening to in thoughts of Emmy. Her hair, her eyes, her walk, she walked… right behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. “Hey Dave!” I spun around, my mind returning guiltily from the gutter. “Emmy! Sam said you wouldn’t be off the boat until sundown!” “We limited out. What can I say, I’m just that good.” she spread her arms in a kind of proud shrug, a sarcastic-cocky smile on her face. I smiled too. She had that effect on me. “Hey, I realized I never got your number!” She looked surprised. “You want it?” Now I was surprised. “I… yeah, I really do. I mean, I think you’re great and I don’t want to lose contact when I…” the air around us suddenly felt heavier. I was suddenly nervous. Had I misjudged her interest? Did she see me as some passerby, a very temporary friend? A smile cautiously returned to her face. “You can have my number.” She said. “But if you move back to Arizona forever I’m not going to text you back.” Thank god. I thought I’d totally dropped the bag. “Deal.” I said, smiling once more. Emmy and I spent the afternoon talking as we saw the meager sights in town. We had an ice cream at the cafe, (rocky road for me, strawberry for her.) stopped by the mechanic (I really wanted to show off the car.) and then wandered out to the towns hiking path. Half a mile down the coast, down a dirt road, it was a great spot to be alone. I was promising Emmy a proper date once my car was running and she was laughing at me. “Sonic is not a real date.” She said through giggles. “Sonic is the perfect date. It’s like going to a restaurant but you don’t have to see any people.” I replied, playing up my anti-socialism to seem quirky, and praying it was working. As we reached the trailhead I heard the now familiar sound of the Sheriffs car on the road behind us. He wasn’t smiling this time. He watched us as we silently walked onto the trail. “Jesus, this dude is everywhere.” I muttered, as the trees began to obscure him from view. Emmys brow furrowed. (God she looked cute when she did that.) “What do you mean? He just sits at the cafe usually.” She said. “Wait, what?” Now my brow furrowed. “I’ve seen him all over town today. It’s like he’s following me.” “Maybe he thinks you’re trouble.” She teased. I shook my head. “Maybe. He’s been weirdly polite to me ever since we met.” Emmy shrugged. “Southern charm I guess. He’s a weird guy.” “Yeah he is. It feels like he’s” I made my voice as provocative as I could. “Checking me out.” I mocked a sexy stance. Emmy thought I was hilarious. She laughed and slapped my chest gently, her hand resting against me. Suddenly the air was heavy again. Her cheeks turned red but her hand stayed on my chest. My hands rested comfortably on her hips. This is as close as we’d been. Our eyes locked, her bright blue meeting my gentle brown. We stood there for a long time.
Chapter 5 The best part of road-tripping? Besides actually tripping, as I’d done in White Sands, New Mexico and a secluded beach in Texas. Sleeping in. My hotel room was perfect. I’d spent a lot of nights on Dave’s Grand Tour camping under the stars and it was amazing. But it wasn’t better than sleeping until noon on a thick mattress with the A/C blasting. I couldn’t have asked for a better night’s rest to end my trip in Golden Meadows. As I walked down to JP’s shop I reflected on the small towns impact on me. I was happy. JP was sitting in a rocking chair with his shop doors wide open. My car was next to him, four whitewall tires underneath. “Wondered when you’d be by.” Boomed JP. “Truck came this morning, she’s all ready for you.” His broad grin rippled across his face as he watched me inspect his work approvingly. “Thanks JP, this is amazing.” He nodded graciously as I tossed my backpack in the trunk. “Hey JP?” He noted my tone become more business-like and focused his eyes on me seriously. “Yessir?” He asked, his curiosity apparent. “That friend, the one with the restoration shop. Is he hiring?” JP’s eyebrows shot skyward. “Well son, I believe he is. You looking for work?” I nodded. “I’m thinking about settling down somewhere in the area, staying for a while.” JP grinned broadly again, his eyes betraying a secret. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with little miss Emmy Lou would it?” I blushed heavily. JP had watched Emmy and I as I showed her my car, explaining all the places I’d repaired and restored. He’d been grinning then too. “Well” JP’s voice returned to business and his eyebrows returned to their resting place. “Based on what I’ve seen of your work.” He gestured to the mustang. “I’d be willing to put in a good word with him.” “Thanks JP. I really do appreciate it.” And I did. The point of Dave’s Grand Tour was to find a place I could call home. And it was beginning to seem that I’d found it. I was on the road now, headed to New Orleans. JP had set up an interview for me with his friend and I was hopeful that it would work out. I’d been on the road about an hour, listening to music and texting Emmy, (don’t text and drive kids.) when I got the call. A blocked number. I didn’t answer the first three. But I finally decided it wasn’t scammers or something when the fourth call came, seconds after I’d sent the third to voicemail. “Hello?” I said. “Hello there Lawrence.” Came the Sheriffs voice, low and dripping with anger. “I have someone here who wants to talk to you.” “What the… what’s this all” I was cut off by Emmy’s voice. “Dave? Dave?!” There was panic in her tone and she sounded like she’d been crying. The brakes on the mustang squealed as my muscles responded on their own. I had turned around and was flying back to Golden Meadows as fast as the thought crossed my mind. “What is this?” I yelled. “Emmy what’s happening?!” Gores voice came crackling through the phone. “Meet me at Mr. Wellers office. Sundown.” And the line clicked off before I could answer. What was happening? “Oh god, oh god.” I said shakily as I pushed the mustang to new speeds. What was happening? What did the Sheriff want? Why did he have Emmy Lou?!
Chapter 6 GRAPHIC CONTENT. GRAPHIC CONTENT. DO NOT READ IF SQUEAMISH. I WARNED YOU. That was the longest drive of my life. I’d driven from Arizona to Louisiana, crossed Texas end to end in that car, but this drive was the worst. I was panicking. My tires slid easily as I gunned the engine, turning into the hospital parking lot. I stopped right in front of the doors and left the engine running as I sprinted headlong through them, barely giving them time to open. “GORE!” I yelled as I stepped into the lobby. “GORE WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” The lights were off, the air desperately still as I spun, looking every direction. Gore showed himself. He looked smug, his service pistol pressed against Emmys temple, her arm locked in his vice-like left hand. “There you are boy.” His thick accent dripped venom. “I didn’t find the perfect specimen just to let it slip away.” My mind reeled. Specimen? What was happening? And why did he have Emmy? What WAS this? Before I could collect my thoughts he spoke again, Emmy shaking in his grip, wordless, staring at me helplessly. “There’s a rag on the counter. Put it over your mouth and breathe in.” “What?” Why are you doing this?!” I said, the air in my lungs seemingly not enough to yell. “DO IT.” The Sheriff screamed, his face turning red. “DO IT OR I WILL SHOOT HER, SHOOT YOU AND HAUL YOUR LIFELESS BODY TO THE O.R.” His voice shook with rage, every syllable seeming to enrage him further. “Okay! Okay, I’ll do it.” I walked to the counter, my hands up, palms forward. I took the rag, placed it over my mouth and nose and breathed deeply. “Wake up Lawrence!” Came a singsong voice, breaking through my sleeping mind. “Waaaake upppp.” My eyelids were heavy. So heavy. I forced them up. Blue eyes stared down at me. Was that… Mr. Wellers? I tried to sit up, tried to speak, tried to move. I couldn’t. Mr. Wellers looked overjoyed. “Ahh the serum worked! Total paralysis, with a fully functioning mind!” His eyes. What was wrong with his eyes? Were they always… “I bet you’re wondering what’s happening to you.” Mr. Wellers said, his tone jovial. “You see Dave, I didn’t lie, we do desperately need donations. Just not blood.” He was holding… my eyes struggled to focus on the shining silver tool. A scalpel? “No no, we need far more precious donations.” A searing pain shot across my chest. Was he cutting into me?! He was staring at my chest as his hands worked, out of my view. The pain was unbearable. I couldn’t move, couldn’t scream, couldn’t even tense my body against the pain. Instead, my mind screamed, the searing feeling of a cold blade tracing below my ribs blocking all thought. “You know, I started the practice of organ transplants.” I heard Wellers speak as if underwater. “That was long before even your parents were born.” The cutting subsided, leaving a sharp ache that made me pray I’d black out. “I’ve been replacing parts as they get wore out ever since. A kidney here, a hand there. Much like you do with that car of yours.” His eyes met mine. Why were they… “of course, I need constant donations for this lifestyle.” He was speaking so calmly. “And you’ve got some shiny parts in here.” My stomach. What was he doing? “Like this lovely one here!” I felt a tugging sensation in my gut and Wellers voice faded away. Those eyes. My last thought made me wish I was dead. Those eyes. They weren’t his. They were Emmy’s. I don’t know how long it was before I awoke. But when I did I could move. I was in a stupor. All I saw were blurs. My body seemed to move on its own accord. I heard crying. I smelt something. Sweat. My mind was not working, but on some deep level my consciousness took hold. Sweaty pig. The thought slid across my delirious mind as my arms made contact with something solid but pliable. My lower consciousness took hold and I felt it give way beneath my strength. My hands felt wet. How odd. A voice. What a calming voice that is. Too bad. Such a shame. The thoughts slid across my mind, meaning nothing as my arms went about their task, levering some thing against something else. There was quite a bit of resistance. I felt it give way and a scream rippled across my absent mind. Hope I’m not breaking anything important. Another strange thought. Not mine. Whose? Why were my hands so wet? My chest too. What’s going…. I woke up for the second time. This time I could move and think both. Emmy Lou was beside my bed. I was in a hospital room. She was sleeping, a mask covering her eyes from the midday sun streaming through a window. I… remembered. “Emmy!” I yelled, tears coming to my eyes. I tried to stand but was held down by searing pain. Emmy rushed to my side, the mask still on her face. Wait. Not a mask. A bandage. “What happened?” I said, tears rolling down my face as I remembered everything that had happened. “Emmy? What happened?” She didn’t say anything. She was crying too, but no tears would come.
Epilogue That’s the story. What I can remember of it anyways. The cops told me the rest later. Mr. Wellers and Sheriff Gore had kidnapped Emmy and I. We were held in the hospital for days as everyone in town searched the river for our bodies. My mustang had been found submerged off the dock, and everyone thought Emmy and I were together in it. Her parents had cursed my name to a wordless ocean, screaming at the man who took their daughter, all while going to church with the Sheriff there to console them. The cops found us when Emmy Lou stumbled out into the street, screaming and blind. It had taken her hours to find her way out of the hospital. It’s hard to navigate when you can’t see. I had to hear the rest of the story from her. After our kidnapping they had operated on her. Removing her eyes, a third of her blood and one of her kidneys. Then they went to work on me. I’m still not entirely sure what they took from me. Everything seems to still be intact, my body healing from the meaningless surgeries well. Emmy says she pretended to pass out after hearing my screaming stop. The sheriff, receiving instructions from Wellers had then tried to move her to a different room. She managed to slip away from him, while blind and run to where she’d heard my screams. She found me, and a syringe. In a moment of madness she stabbed the syringe into my shoulder and empty its contents into me, hoping to kill me and end my suffering. Turns out the syringe had a potent mix of drugs, including pure adrenaline. The restraints that held me tore like paper. According to Emmy, all she heard from then on was me humming a tuneless song and Wellers and E. Gore screaming. She made her way out of the room and started trying to find the exit to the hospital. When she finally made it out and Sam called the state police they found me in the operating room, standing above the broken bodies of the malicious pair, humming and swaying back and forth. Yep, they tazed the shit out of me. When they noticed my injuries they rushed me to an actual hospital where I was remained for a week as my body worked through the drugs, the surgery recovery and the concussion I got after the cops tazed me and I fell into a medicine cabinet. Didn’t feel a thing. (Thank you drugs.) All of this happened five years ago. I wrote this story under the direction of my therapist. She thinks I need to let go. But I can’t. I found a record of Dr. Wellers license revocation. Only problem, it’s from the 1850s. I tried to learn anything I could about either Dr. Wellers or Sheriff E. Gore, but they were ghostlike. I can’t get over the questions I have. Questions like, why? And how? The police think they were selling organs on the black market, but I know what I saw. Wellers was wearing Emmy’s eyes. That’s why she’s blind. The cops don’t believe me, and in my drug stupor I destroyed any evidence there might have been. There wasn’t much left of either of my tormentors. I’m gonna stop writing now. These memories are painful. They are the reason I have a blind wife, a guilty conscience and a deeply scarred chest that’s painful to see in the mirror. They are the reason my hand bones are crooked, broken against a thick skull. I have many unanswered questions, and now I’m building a life on unsteady ground. But that’s enough now. I’m late for my meeting. I’ve got a client who wants me to restore a 78’ impala and then I have to pick Emmy up from her art studio. I hope my story helps someone out there. But for me, it just hurts.
Credits: The idea for the monster that is Wellers came from an episode of supernatural where they fight an organ stealing ancient doctor. This is also kind of an adaptation of the story of Frankensteins monster, with Dave playing the part of the monster at the end. I also leaned heavily on other creepy storys told on creepcast and I hope I didn’t step on any toes doing so. This is my first time writing something like this and I enjoyed it a lot, even if you guys don’t. Thank you for reading!

I’m tired!  I just wanted to apologize in advance because this is going to be extremely long. I’m honestly been through a lot in my life. I’m talking about getting my head shaved being sliced, getting habanero peppers put up my private part… I even had to jump off a three-story building once, because my stepdad was chasing me with a fucking machete! I’ve been kidnapped I’ve been poisoned I’ve gone through the absolute worst growing up. The crazy part is most people don’t know this about me because they just see me as this pretty girl Without knowing I’m going through internal struggles. Anyways, this is super long story, so I’m gonna try my best to summarize this as short as possible to just let us all out there and hopefully get some guidance or help or even care because I feel at the moment that nobody fucking cares. When I was 16 I ran away from home because my mother was abusing me intensely. She was the one who did the previous things, and she was literally stand on my head… I remember there was once I even asked a question and she just took the pinch. She was riding with, and stabbed me in the shoulder and moved on like nothing wrong happened to me in that moment “mom is just angry” So like I said, I ran away when I was 16 But I was very ambitious, so I started a business and I was making a lot of money, but since I was And didn’t have any documentation because I ran away from home. I looked for people online that I could pay to kind of live with them and then there was this guy on my Snapchat, who said I could live with him find you he was 22 years old… Anyways, when I got to him, he was actually living in a hotel and was owing a crazy amount, so ended up paying that and then since I couldn’t even get my own hotel, I didn’t have an ID at live with him there so we were living from hotel to hotel and I had to pay all the bills eventually we started dating for about six months and it was good at the beginning, but then eventually, he tended to have anger issues as well. I mean, he literally locked me in the closet, and also hit me. The crazy part is, I’m such a loving person. I try to care for people I bought him a car with the relationship I would cook for him morning afternoon and night. I even ended up getting him a job just to end up getting treated like shit and get beat up Even though that’s exactly what I was running away from home for. Anyways, while I was there, I was making money but then he would just take it because apparently I have no bank account or anything. Just a cash app so he would just take the money away like I was basically working for him. So we ended up breaking up and the night of the break up was actually really scary but I’m happy I made it out alive. Anyways, when I left, I left with zero dollars and I went to go stay with an ex best friend. Yes X because my mom eventually made me cut her off but during that time I stayed with her and even when I came to stay with her I was under age so she had to sneak me in the apartment the night I came because of me and the vision that I have literally that same night I told myself I’m not gonna be squatting in someone’s apartment so I ended up making $1000 at night and then the next day, I found a place that I live in for a month so I was working nonstop. I was heartbroken. I was tired I was distressed. I was just broken and all I could do was throw myself at work on my business (Which, by the way, is, it was just a fashion boutique and mentorship) Over the time I was able to make $300,000 from the age of 16 to 18... The place I was staying I wasn’t able to rent it anymore because there was a time when I went to go visit my family The landlord rented out my room and some of my stuff were stolen so I had to leave anyways, I ended up going back home because my mom promised She wouldn’t be abusive anymore. Well, that was a lie lol.. i’ve been home since I was 18 and now I turned 21 this year and honestly most of the money I made I’ve helped my mom pay for things and it’s crazy because being at home in such a toxic environment and I’m being so emotionally abused every single day I mean there’s so many instances I could give, but this would be extremely long, and I just want to put the main parts out. Anyways, currently what I’m facing is my mom just being a narcissist and every single day I wake up there’s not a day she insults me says that I’m on drugs which by the way I’m fucking not., And the crazy part is she literally say it’s the truth and then I say let’s go to the doctors And run a test or literally search my room right now because we’re arguing and I wasn’t prepared to hide it right to just search my room now and she always declined and for the past year she’s been saying this and it’s honestly becoming very detrimental to me and I’m just really sad because honestly all that money that I made $300K+ Is all gone and the people that I gave it to all treated me like shit and honestly the most people I gave it to is my mother my ex only had a few.. Anyways, my mom made me cut off people just like the same my ex he made me literally every single app on my phone every social media every phone number and all I had was The apps I used to work and honestly I think that’s the reason why I made a lot of money because my soul life purpose was to just work and make money and throw my pain at ambition and work and naturally I’m an ambitious person I want to be but I have goals and I want to do them happily and I’ll just do them because it’s one way to cope with trauma… I can’t talk to anyone else about this externally as this pretty girl who’s rich and lives her best life but truly, I’m broken into pieces and constantly getting crashed every day more and more… There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t even know how to put them into words.. When I was younger, I was accused Of sleeping with my uncle, which, by the way I was and he was like in his 30s and I was beaten up and accused because apparently I slept with him. I didn’t even know what that was and when I say beat up I mean intensely They didn’t stop until I was bleeding and then my uncle in front of me his hand was cut like dangling right in front off me! The crazy part is this happened five more times but different uncles so that happened while I was growing up from around my early ages up till I was like 11 before I finally came to America at 12. There’s honestly a lot and I’m even more stressed about it because right now I’m living this toxic household and now I’m broke and I can’t even be able to focus on my work because every single time I wake up, there’s always some sort of negativity and toxicity emotional abuse which triggers me thinking about my trauma and usually I don’t even think about my trauma. I just act like you know what happened and there’s nothing I can do about it all I can do is work and move on but these days I can’t even work and I’m extremely broke. I can’t even pay for better help and I’m just really stressed and I hate everything right now because I know exactly what to do and where to be in my life but it’s like every decision I’ve ever made. That’s terrible or put me a terrible position was because of how my mom treated me and constantly treats me. I wish I could physically explain how much of a good daughter I am I mean, I forgave every soothing my mom did, and just helped her pay for all the bills that retired her for about two years straight, and even through those two years she was being fake and still being toxic And even now that I have nothing I still help because that’s who I am as a person and I don’t want anyone’s negativity to my wife as a good person but it just hurts that I keep getting badly and I can’t even leave if I wanted to right now because when I have no money to my mom has my documents because I wasn’t born in America. I’m an immigrant And I don’t know I’m just really stressed right now it’s literally 6:30 AM while I’m making this message and I woke up around 5 AM to four hours of work for my business I can’t even focus I’m just depressed and anxious and stressed and there’s some things that happened last night but once again, I don’t wanna make this extremely long I know that I’m the victim but I feel bad for feeling like the victim. Sometimes when I wanna cry I can’t even cry because I feel like that’s so fucking pathetic and what the fuck is that gonna do it can’t change anything happened in my life. I try to Let the trauma go but living with the cause of the trauma doesn’t help at all because even after I’ve chose to forgive and move on, my mother still continues her toxic behavior. I mean she literally told me I look like a fucking pig and like her grandmother yesterday and literally I had just woken up and she told me to go grocery shopping for her and while I’m in the car to go grocery shopping for her. She’s literally insulting me like I don’t fucking have to be here I’m literally helping you and you’re fucking insulting me. .. I just feel like I’m in right now and I don’t want to be because I have so much potential and I feel like my wings are clipped down right now and I just don’t know what to do like I was making five to $10,000 weekly and now I don’t even make $5,000 to $10,000 dollars weekly!!! just because I’m so drained and I’m so tired and I’m over everything I just don’t know what to do anymore. She makes me feel like shit and then I just think about where I should be in my life. If I really was just a bitch and mean like everyone else I’ll be so far in life and accomplished so many things, because I did accomplish every time I accomplish something, it was taken. It was bad it wasn’t and it’s crazy because I’ve been around people who do treat me like a priority and respect me but getting into that would be super long. I wish there was someone I could talk to you about my life we could just dissect it and I can just get back up because I know I have a potential if I told you guys my dream goals I could be the next fucking Rihanna. Like billionaire status and I know I can accomplish this because I literally have a written out step-by-step I just need to do it daily but I can’t fucking do it daily because of the stupid inconvenience and when I’m rich and successful I wanna make therapy fucking free. I want to help kids and countries right now we’re getting abused, raped, starving going through disease and just terrible things. Even orphans and not just kids but helpless adults Because I don’t know why society makes it feel like just because people are over 16 or over 18. They should no longer be cared for. This is the first time we’re all living we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing It’s even worse, food, shelter, finances to take care of daily needs or emotional support. So I’m honestly just tired of life right now but I’m only 20 and I know there’s more to my life because I look at all these successful and rich people and everyone doubted them must be treated them like shit .. omg I’m crying rn I fucking hate this! I just wanna wake up in my own fucking place. Follow my morning routines work on my business gift to charity and live a normal life. I’m tired of waking up and toxic bullshit. I hate unnecessary ass toxic bullshit. I’ve been through much already. I’m young and I just want to be free and not free in the way that people actually want to just to not be abused I don’t care about going to clubs drinking smoking. I just wanna be in a room to myself or I can just not hear toxic shit or get gaslighted or reminded of things that I didn’t even do or don’t then I’m just over it man 😢

I’m tired!  I just wanted to apologize in advance because this is going to be extremely long. I’m honestly been through a lot in my life. I’m talking about getting my head shaved being sliced, getting habanero peppers put up my private part… I even had to jump off a three-story building once, because my stepdad was chasing me with a fucking machete! I’ve been kidnapped I’ve been poisoned I’ve gone through the absolute worst growing up. The crazy part is most people don’t know this about me because they just see me as this pretty girl Without knowing I’m going through internal struggles. Anyways, this is super long story, so I’m gonna try my best to summarize this as short as possible to just let us all out there and hopefully get some guidance or help or even care because I feel at the moment that nobody fucking cares. When I was 16 I ran away from home because my mother was abusing me intensely. She was the one who did the previous things, and she was literally stand on my head… I remember there was once I even asked a question and she just took the pinch. She was riding with, and stabbed me in the shoulder and moved on like nothing wrong happened to me in that moment “mom is just angry” So like I said, I ran away when I was 16 But I was very ambitious, so I started a business and I was making a lot of money, but since I was And didn’t have any documentation because I ran away from home. I looked for people online that I could pay to kind of live with them and then there was this guy on my Snapchat, who said I could live with him find you he was 22 years old… Anyways, when I got to him, he was actually living in a hotel and was owing a crazy amount, so ended up paying that and then since I couldn’t even get my own hotel, I didn’t have an ID at live with him there so we were living from hotel to hotel and I had to pay all the bills eventually we started dating for about six months and it was good at the beginning, but then eventually, he tended to have anger issues as well. I mean, he literally locked me in the closet, and also hit me. The crazy part is, I’m such a loving person. I try to care for people I bought him a car with the relationship I would cook for him morning afternoon and night. I even ended up getting him a job just to end up getting treated like shit and get beat up Even though that’s exactly what I was running away from home for. Anyways, while I was there, I was making money but then he would just take it because apparently I have no bank account or anything. Just a cash app so he would just take the money away like I was basically working for him. So we ended up breaking up and the night of the break up was actually really scary but I’m happy I made it out alive. Anyways, when I left, I left with zero dollars and I went to go stay with an ex best friend. Yes X because my mom eventually made me cut her off but during that time I stayed with her and even when I came to stay with her I was under age so she had to sneak me in the apartment the night I came because of me and the vision that I have literally that same night I told myself I’m not gonna be squatting in someone’s apartment so I ended up making $1000 at night and then the next day, I found a place that I live in for a month so I was working nonstop. I was heartbroken. I was tired I was distressed. I was just broken and all I could do was throw myself at work on my business (Which, by the way, is, it was just a fashion boutique and mentorship) Over the time I was able to make $300,000 from the age of 16 to 18... The place I was staying I wasn’t able to rent it anymore because there was a time when I went to go visit my family The landlord rented out my room and some of my stuff were stolen so I had to leave anyways, I ended up going back home because my mom promised She wouldn’t be abusive anymore. Well, that was a lie lol.. i’ve been home since I was 18 and now I turned 21 this year and honestly most of the money I made I’ve helped my mom pay for things and it’s crazy because being at home in such a toxic environment and I’m being so emotionally abused every single day I mean there’s so many instances I could give, but this would be extremely long, and I just want to put the main parts out. Anyways, currently what I’m facing is my mom just being a narcissist and every single day I wake up there’s not a day she insults me says that I’m on drugs which by the way I’m fucking not., And the crazy part is she literally say it’s the truth and then I say let’s go to the doctors And run a test or literally search my room right now because we’re arguing and I wasn’t prepared to hide it right to just search my room now and she always declined and for the past year she’s been saying this and it’s honestly becoming very detrimental to me and I’m just really sad because honestly all that money that I made $300K+ Is all gone and the people that I gave it to all treated me like shit and honestly the most people I gave it to is my mother my ex only had a few.. Anyways, my mom made me cut off people just like the same my ex he made me literally every single app on my phone every social media every phone number and all I had was The apps I used to work and honestly I think that’s the reason why I made a lot of money because my soul life purpose was to just work and make money and throw my pain at ambition and work and naturally I’m an ambitious person I want to be but I have goals and I want to do them happily and I’ll just do them because it’s one way to cope with trauma… I can’t talk to anyone else about this externally as this pretty girl who’s rich and lives her best life but truly, I’m broken into pieces and constantly getting crashed every day more and more… There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t even know how to put them into words.. When I was younger, I was accused Of sleeping with my uncle, which, by the way I was and he was like in his 30s and I was beaten up and accused because apparently I slept with him. I didn’t even know what that was and when I say beat up I mean intensely They didn’t stop until I was bleeding and then my uncle in front of me his hand was cut like dangling right in front off me! The crazy part is this happened five more times but different uncles so that happened while I was growing up from around my early ages up till I was like 11 before I finally came to America at 12. There’s honestly a lot and I’m even more stressed about it because right now I’m living this toxic household and now I’m broke and I can’t even be able to focus on my work because every single time I wake up, there’s always some sort of negativity and toxicity emotional abuse which triggers me thinking about my trauma and usually I don’t even think about my trauma. I just act like you know what happened and there’s nothing I can do about it all I can do is work and move on but these days I can’t even work and I’m extremely broke. I can’t even pay for better help and I’m just really stressed and I hate everything right now because I know exactly what to do and where to be in my life but it’s like every decision I’ve ever made. That’s terrible or put me a terrible position was because of how my mom treated me and constantly treats me. I wish I could physically explain how much of a good daughter I am I mean, I forgave every soothing my mom did, and just helped her pay for all the bills that retired her for about two years straight, and even through those two years she was being fake and still being toxic And even now that I have nothing I still help because that’s who I am as a person and I don’t want anyone’s negativity to my wife as a good person but it just hurts that I keep getting badly and I can’t even leave if I wanted to right now because when I have no money to my mom has my documents because I wasn’t born in America. I’m an immigrant And I don’t know I’m just really stressed right now it’s literally 6:30 AM while I’m making this message and I woke up around 5 AM to four hours of work for my business I can’t even focus I’m just depressed and anxious and stressed and there’s some things that happened last night but once again, I don’t wanna make this extremely long I know that I’m the victim but I feel bad for feeling like the victim. Sometimes when I wanna cry I can’t even cry because I feel like that’s so fucking pathetic and what the fuck is that gonna do it can’t change anything happened in my life. I try to Let the trauma go but living with the cause of the trauma doesn’t help at all because even after I’ve chose to forgive and move on, my mother still continues her toxic behavior. I mean she literally told me I look like a fucking pig and like her grandmother yesterday and literally I had just woken up and she told me to go grocery shopping for her and while I’m in the car to go grocery shopping for her. She’s literally insulting me like I don’t fucking have to be here I’m literally helping you and you’re fucking insulting me. .. I just feel like I’m in right now and I don’t want to be because I have so much potential and I feel like my wings are clipped down right now and I just don’t know what to do like I was making five to $10,000 weekly and now I don’t even make $5,000 to $10,000 dollars weekly!!! just because I’m so drained and I’m so tired and I’m over everything I just don’t know what to do anymore. She makes me feel like shit and then I just think about where I should be in my life. If I really was just a bitch and mean like everyone else I’ll be so far in life and accomplished so many things, because I did accomplish every time I accomplish something, it was taken. It was bad it wasn’t and it’s crazy because I’ve been around people who do treat me like a priority and respect me but getting into that would be super long. I wish there was someone I could talk to you about my life we could just dissect it and I can just get back up because I know I have a potential if I told you guys my dream goals I could be the next fucking Rihanna. Like billionaire status and I know I can accomplish this because I literally have a written out step-by-step I just need to do it daily but I can’t fucking do it daily because of the stupid inconvenience and when I’m rich and successful I wanna make therapy fucking free. I want to help kids and countries right now we’re getting abused, raped, starving going through disease and just terrible things. Even orphans and not just kids but helpless adults Because I don’t know why society makes it feel like just because people are over 16 or over 18. They should no longer be cared for. This is the first time we’re all living we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing It’s even worse, food, shelter, finances to take care of daily needs or emotional support. So I’m honestly just tired of life right now but I’m only 20 and I know there’s more to my life because I look at all these successful and rich people and everyone doubted them must be treated them like shit .. omg I’m crying rn I fucking hate this! I just wanna wake up in my own fucking place. Follow my morning routines work on my business gift to charity and live a normal life. I’m tired of waking up and toxic bullshit. I hate unnecessary ass toxic bullshit. I’ve been through much already. I’m young and I just want to be free and not free in the way that people actually want to just to not be abused I don’t care about going to clubs drinking smoking. I just wanna be in a room to myself or I can just not hear toxic shit or get gaslighted or reminded of things that I didn’t even do or don’t then I’m just over it man 😢

I’m tired!  I just wanted to apologize in advance because this is going to be extremely long. I’m honestly been through a lot in my life. I’m talking about getting my head shaved being sliced, getting habanero peppers put up my private part… I even had to jump off a three-story building once, because my stepdad was chasing me with a fucking machete! I’ve been kidnapped I’ve been poisoned I’ve gone through the absolute worst growing up. The crazy part is most people don’t know this about me because they just see me as this pretty girl Without knowing I’m going through internal struggles. Anyways, this is super long story, so I’m gonna try my best to summarize this as short as possible to just let us all out there and hopefully get some guidance or help or even care because I feel at the moment that nobody fucking cares. When I was 16 I ran away from home because my mother was abusing me intensely. She was the one who did the previous things, and she was literally stand on my head… I remember there was once I even asked a question and she just took the pinch. She was riding with, and stabbed me in the shoulder and moved on like nothing wrong happened to me in that moment “mom is just angry” So like I said, I ran away when I was 16 But I was very ambitious, so I started a business and I was making a lot of money, but since I was And didn’t have any documentation because I ran away from home. I looked for people online that I could pay to kind of live with them and then there was this guy on my Snapchat, who said I could live with him find you he was 22 years old… Anyways, when I got to him, he was actually living in a hotel and was owing a crazy amount, so ended up paying that and then since I couldn’t even get my own hotel, I didn’t have an ID at live with him there so we were living from hotel to hotel and I had to pay all the bills eventually we started dating for about six months and it was good at the beginning, but then eventually, he tended to have anger issues as well. I mean, he literally locked me in the closet, and also hit me. The crazy part is, I’m such a loving person. I try to care for people I bought him a car with the relationship I would cook for him morning afternoon and night. I even ended up getting him a job just to end up getting treated like shit and get beat up Even though that’s exactly what I was running away from home for. Anyways, while I was there, I was making money but then he would just take it because apparently I have no bank account or anything. Just a cash app so he would just take the money away like I was basically working for him. So we ended up breaking up and the night of the break up was actually really scary but I’m happy I made it out alive. Anyways, when I left, I left with zero dollars and I went to go stay with an ex best friend. Yes X because my mom eventually made me cut her off but during that time I stayed with her and even when I came to stay with her I was under age so she had to sneak me in the apartment the night I came because of me and the vision that I have literally that same night I told myself I’m not gonna be squatting in someone’s apartment so I ended up making $1000 at night and then the next day, I found a place that I live in for a month so I was working nonstop. I was heartbroken. I was tired I was distressed. I was just broken and all I could do was throw myself at work on my business (Which, by the way, is, it was just a fashion boutique and mentorship) Over the time I was able to make $300,000 from the age of 16 to 18... The place I was staying I wasn’t able to rent it anymore because there was a time when I went to go visit my family The landlord rented out my room and some of my stuff were stolen so I had to leave anyways, I ended up going back home because my mom promised She wouldn’t be abusive anymore. Well, that was a lie lol.. i’ve been home since I was 18 and now I turned 21 this year and honestly most of the money I made I’ve helped my mom pay for things and it’s crazy because being at home in such a toxic environment and I’m being so emotionally abused every single day I mean there’s so many instances I could give, but this would be extremely long, and I just want to put the main parts out. Anyways, currently what I’m facing is my mom just being a narcissist and every single day I wake up there’s not a day she insults me says that I’m on drugs which by the way I’m fucking not., And the crazy part is she literally say it’s the truth and then I say let’s go to the doctors And run a test or literally search my room right now because we’re arguing and I wasn’t prepared to hide it right to just search my room now and she always declined and for the past year she’s been saying this and it’s honestly becoming very detrimental to me and I’m just really sad because honestly all that money that I made $300K+ Is all gone and the people that I gave it to all treated me like shit and honestly the most people I gave it to is my mother my ex only had a few.. Anyways, my mom made me cut off people just like the same my ex he made me literally every single app on my phone every social media every phone number and all I had was The apps I used to work and honestly I think that’s the reason why I made a lot of money because my soul life purpose was to just work and make money and throw my pain at ambition and work and naturally I’m an ambitious person I want to be but I have goals and I want to do them happily and I’ll just do them because it’s one way to cope with trauma… I can’t talk to anyone else about this externally as this pretty girl who’s rich and lives her best life but truly, I’m broken into pieces and constantly getting crashed every day more and more… There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t even know how to put them into words.. When I was younger, I was accused Of sleeping with my uncle, which, by the way I was and he was like in his 30s and I was beaten up and accused because apparently I slept with him. I didn’t even know what that was and when I say beat up I mean intensely They didn’t stop until I was bleeding and then my uncle in front of me his hand was cut like dangling right in front off me! The crazy part is this happened five more times but different uncles so that happened while I was growing up from around my early ages up till I was like 11 before I finally came to America at 12. There’s honestly a lot and I’m even more stressed about it because right now I’m living this toxic household and now I’m broke and I can’t even be able to focus on my work because every single time I wake up, there’s always some sort of negativity and toxicity emotional abuse which triggers me thinking about my trauma and usually I don’t even think about my trauma. I just act like you know what happened and there’s nothing I can do about it all I can do is work and move on but these days I can’t even work and I’m extremely broke. I can’t even pay for better help and I’m just really stressed and I hate everything right now because I know exactly what to do and where to be in my life but it’s like every decision I’ve ever made. That’s terrible or put me a terrible position was because of how my mom treated me and constantly treats me. I wish I could physically explain how much of a good daughter I am I mean, I forgave every soothing my mom did, and just helped her pay for all the bills that retired her for about two years straight, and even through those two years she was being fake and still being toxic And even now that I have nothing I still help because that’s who I am as a person and I don’t want anyone’s negativity to my wife as a good person but it just hurts that I keep getting badly and I can’t even leave if I wanted to right now because when I have no money to my mom has my documents because I wasn’t born in America. I’m an immigrant And I don’t know I’m just really stressed right now it’s literally 6:30 AM while I’m making this message and I woke up around 5 AM to four hours of work for my business I can’t even focus I’m just depressed and anxious and stressed and there’s some things that happened last night but once again, I don’t wanna make this extremely long I know that I’m the victim but I feel bad for feeling like the victim. Sometimes when I wanna cry I can’t even cry because I feel like that’s so fucking pathetic and what the fuck is that gonna do it can’t change anything happened in my life. I try to Let the trauma go but living with the cause of the trauma doesn’t help at all because even after I’ve chose to forgive and move on, my mother still continues her toxic behavior. I mean she literally told me I look like a fucking pig and like her grandmother yesterday and literally I had just woken up and she told me to go grocery shopping for her and while I’m in the car to go grocery shopping for her. She’s literally insulting me like I don’t fucking have to be here I’m literally helping you and you’re fucking insulting me. .. I just feel like I’m in right now and I don’t want to be because I have so much potential and I feel like my wings are clipped down right now and I just don’t know what to do like I was making five to $10,000 weekly and now I don’t even make $5,000 to $10,000 dollars weekly!!! just because I’m so drained and I’m so tired and I’m over everything I just don’t know what to do anymore. She makes me feel like shit and then I just think about where I should be in my life. If I really was just a bitch and mean like everyone else I’ll be so far in life and accomplished so many things, because I did accomplish every time I accomplish something, it was taken. It was bad it wasn’t and it’s crazy because I’ve been around people who do treat me like a priority and respect me but getting into that would be super long. I wish there was someone I could talk to you about my life we could just dissect it and I can just get back up because I know I have a potential if I told you guys my dream goals I could be the next fucking Rihanna. Like billionaire status and I know I can accomplish this because I literally have a written out step-by-step I just need to do it daily but I can’t fucking do it daily because of the stupid inconvenience and when I’m rich and successful I wanna make therapy fucking free. I want to help kids and countries right now we’re getting abused, raped, starving going through disease and just terrible things. Even orphans and not just kids but helpless adults Because I don’t know why society makes it feel like just because people are over 16 or over 18. They should no longer be cared for. This is the first time we’re all living we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing It’s even worse, food, shelter, finances to take care of daily needs or emotional support. So I’m honestly just tired of life right now but I’m only 20 and I know there’s more to my life because I look at all these successful and rich people and everyone doubted them must be treated them like shit .. omg I’m crying rn I fucking hate this! I just wanna wake up in my own fucking place. Follow my morning routines work on my business gift to charity and live a normal life. I’m tired of waking up and toxic bullshit. I hate unnecessary ass toxic bullshit. I’ve been through much already. I’m young and I just want to be free and not free in the way that people actually want to just to not be abused I don’t care about going to clubs drinking smoking. I just wanna be in a room to myself or I can just not hear toxic shit or get gaslighted or reminded of things that I didn’t even do or don’t then I’m just over it man 😢

I just wanted to apologize in advance because this is going to be extremely long. I’m honestly been through a lot in my life. I’m talking about getting my head shaved being sliced, getting habanero peppers put up my private part… I even had to jump off a three-story building once, because my stepdad was chasing me with a fucking machete! I’ve been kidnapped I’ve been poisoned I’ve gone through the absolute worst growing up. The crazy part is most people don’t know this about me because they just see me as this pretty girl Without knowing I’m going through internal struggles. Anyways, this is super long story, so I’m gonna try my best to summarize this as short as possible to just let us all out there and hopefully get some guidance or help or even care because I feel at the moment that nobody fucking cares. When I was 16 I ran away from home because my mother was abusing me intensely. She was the one who did the previous things, and she was literally stand on my head… I remember there was once I even asked a question and she just took the pinch. She was riding with, and stabbed me in the shoulder and moved on like nothing wrong happened to me in that moment “mom is just angry” So like I said, I ran away when I was 16 But I was very ambitious, so I started a business and I was making a lot of money, but since I was And didn’t have any documentation because I ran away from home. I looked for people online that I could pay to kind of live with them and then there was this guy on my Snapchat, who said I could live with him find you he was 22 years old… Anyways, when I got to him, he was actually living in a hotel and was owing a crazy amount, so ended up paying that and then since I couldn’t even get my own hotel, I didn’t have an ID at live with him there so we were living from hotel to hotel and I had to pay all the bills eventually we started dating for about six months and it was good at the beginning, but then eventually, he tended to have anger issues as well. I mean, he literally locked me in the closet, and also hit me. The crazy part is, I’m such a loving person. I try to care for people I bought him a car with the relationship I would cook for him morning afternoon and night. I even ended up getting him a job just to end up getting treated like shit and get beat up Even though that’s exactly what I was running away from home for. Anyways, while I was there, I was making money but then he would just take it because apparently I have no bank account or anything. Just a cash app so he would just take the money away like I was basically working for him. So we ended up breaking up and the night of the break up was actually really scary but I’m happy I made it out alive. Anyways, when I left, I left with zero dollars and I went to go stay with an ex best friend. Yes X because my mom eventually made me cut her off but during that time I stayed with her and even when I came to stay with her I was under age so she had to sneak me in the apartment the night I came because of me and the vision that I have literally that same night I told myself I’m not gonna be squatting in someone’s apartment so I ended up making $1000 at night and then the next day, I found a place that I live in for a month so I was working nonstop. I was heartbroken. I was tired I was distressed. I was just broken and all I could do was throw myself at work on my business (Which, by the way, is, it was just a fashion boutique and mentorship) Over the time I was able to make $300,000 from the age of 16 to 18... The place I was staying I wasn’t able to rent it anymore because there was a time when I went to go visit my family The landlord rented out my room and some of my stuff were stolen so I had to leave anyways, I ended up going back home because my mom promised She wouldn’t be abusive anymore. Well, that was a lie lol.. i’ve been home since I was 18 and now I turned 21 this year and honestly most of the money I made I’ve helped my mom pay for things and it’s crazy because being at home in such a toxic environment and I’m being so emotionally abused every single day I mean there’s so many instances I could give, but this would be extremely long, and I just want to put the main parts out. Anyways, currently what I’m facing is my mom just being a narcissist and every single day I wake up there’s not a day she insults me says that I’m on drugs which by the way I’m fucking not., And the crazy part is she literally say it’s the truth and then I say let’s go to the doctors And run a test or literally search my room right now because we’re arguing and I wasn’t prepared to hide it right to just search my room now and she always declined and for the past year she’s been saying this and it’s honestly becoming very detrimental to me and I’m just really sad because honestly all that money that I made $300K+ Is all gone and the people that I gave it to all treated me like shit and honestly the most people I gave it to is my mother my ex only had a few.. Anyways, my mom made me cut off people just like the same my ex he made me literally every single app on my phone every social media every phone number and all I had was The apps I used to work and honestly I think that’s the reason why I made a lot of money because my soul life purpose was to just work and make money and throw my pain at ambition and work and naturally I’m an ambitious person I want to be but I have goals and I want to do them happily and I’ll just do them because it’s one way to cope with trauma… I can’t talk to anyone else about this externally as this pretty girl who’s rich and lives her best life but truly, I’m broken into pieces and constantly getting crashed every day more and more… There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t even know how to put them into words.. When I was younger, I was accused Of sleeping with my uncle, which, by the way I was and he was like in his 30s and I was beaten up and accused because apparently I slept with him. I didn’t even know what that was and when I say beat up I mean intensely They didn’t stop until I was bleeding and then my uncle in front of me his hand was cut like dangling right in front off me! The crazy part is this happened five more times but different uncles so that happened while I was growing up from around my early ages up till I was like 11 before I finally came to America at 12. There’s honestly a lot and I’m even more stressed about it because right now I’m living this toxic household and now I’m broke and I can’t even be able to focus on my work because every single time I wake up, there’s always some sort of negativity and toxicity emotional abuse which triggers me thinking about my trauma and usually I don’t even think about my trauma. I just act like you know what happened and there’s nothing I can do about it all I can do is work and move on but these days I can’t even work and I’m extremely broke. I can’t even pay for better help and I’m just really stressed and I hate everything right now because I know exactly what to do and where to be in my life but it’s like every decision I’ve ever made. That’s terrible or put me a terrible position was because of how my mom treated me and constantly treats me. I wish I could physically explain how much of a good daughter I am I mean, I forgave every soothing my mom did, and just helped her pay for all the bills that retired her for about two years straight, and even through those two years she was being fake and still being toxic And even now that I have nothing I still help because that’s who I am as a person and I don’t want anyone’s negativity to my wife as a good person but it just hurts that I keep getting badly and I can’t even leave if I wanted to right now because when I have no money to my mom has my documents because I wasn’t born in America. I’m an immigrant And I don’t know I’m just really stressed right now it’s literally 6:30 AM while I’m making this message and I woke up around 5 AM to four hours of work for my business I can’t even focus I’m just depressed and anxious and stressed and there’s some things that happened last night but once again, I don’t wanna make this extremely long I know that I’m the victim but I feel bad for feeling like the victim. Sometimes when I wanna cry I can’t even cry because I feel like that’s so fucking pathetic and what the fuck is that gonna do it can’t change anything happened in my life. I try to Let the trauma go but living with the cause of the trauma doesn’t help at all because even after I’ve chose to forgive and move on, my mother still continues her toxic behavior. I mean she literally told me I look like a fucking pig and like her grandmother yesterday and literally I had just woken up and she told me to go grocery shopping for her and while I’m in the car to go grocery shopping for her. She’s literally insulting me like I don’t fucking have to be here I’m literally helping you and you’re fucking insulting me. .. I just feel like I’m in right now and I don’t want to be because I have so much potential and I feel like my wings are clipped down right now and I just don’t know what to do like I was making five to $10,000 weekly and now I don’t even make $5,000 to $10,000 dollars weekly!!! just because I’m so drained and I’m so tired and I’m over everything I just don’t know what to do anymore. She makes me feel like shit and then I just think about where I should be in my life. If I really was just a bitch and mean like everyone else I’ll be so far in life and accomplished so many things, because I did accomplish every time I accomplish something, it was taken. It was bad it wasn’t and it’s crazy because I’ve been around people who do treat me like a priority and respect me but getting into that would be super long. I wish there was someone I could talk to you about my life we could just dissect it and I can just get back up because I know I have a potential if I told you guys my dream goals I could be the next fucking Rihanna. Like billionaire status and I know I can accomplish this because I literally have a written out step-by-step I just need to do it daily but I can’t fucking do it daily because of the stupid inconvenience and when I’m rich and successful I wanna make therapy fucking free. I want to help kids and countries right now we’re getting abused, raped, starving going through disease and just terrible things. Even orphans and not just kids but helpless adults Because I don’t know why society makes it feel like just because people are over 16 or over 18. They should no longer be cared for. This is the first time we’re all living we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing It’s even worse, food, shelter, finances to take care of daily needs or emotional support. So I’m honestly just tired of life right now but I’m only 20 and I know there’s more to my life because I look at all these successful and rich people and everyone doubted them must be treated them like shit .. omg I’m crying rn I fucking hate this! I just wanna wake up in my own fucking place. Follow my morning routines work on my business gift to charity and live a normal life. I’m tired of waking up and toxic bullshit. I hate unnecessary ass toxic bullshit. I’ve been through much already. I’m young and I just want to be free and not free in the way that people actually want to just to not be abused I don’t care about going to clubs drinking smoking. I just wanna be in a room to myself or I can just not hear toxic shit or get gaslighted or reminded of things that I didn’t even do or don’t then I’m just over it man 😢

I just wanted to apologize in advance because this is going to be extremely long. I’m honestly been through a lot in my life. I’m talking about getting my head shaved being sliced, getting habanero peppers put up my private part… I even had to jump off a three-story building once, because my stepdad was chasing me with a fucking machete! I’ve been kidnapped I’ve been poisoned I’ve gone through the absolute worst growing up. The crazy part is most people don’t know this about me because they just see me as this pretty girl Without knowing I’m going through internal struggles. Anyways, this is super long story, so I’m gonna try my best to summarize this as short as possible to just let us all out there and hopefully get some guidance or help or even care because I feel at the moment that nobody fucking cares. When I was 16 I ran away from home because my mother was abusing me intensely. She was the one who did the previous things, and she was literally stand on my head… I remember there was once I even asked a question and she just took the pinch. She was riding with, and stabbed me in the shoulder and moved on like nothing wrong happened to me in that moment “mom is just angry” So like I said, I ran away when I was 16 But I was very ambitious, so I started a business and I was making a lot of money, but since I was And didn’t have any documentation because I ran away from home. I looked for people online that I could pay to kind of live with them and then there was this guy on my Snapchat, who said I could live with him find you he was 22 years old… Anyways, when I got to him, he was actually living in a hotel and was owing a crazy amount, so ended up paying that and then since I couldn’t even get my own hotel, I didn’t have an ID at live with him there so we were living from hotel to hotel and I had to pay all the bills eventually we started dating for about six months and it was good at the beginning, but then eventually, he tended to have anger issues as well. I mean, he literally locked me in the closet, and also hit me. The crazy part is, I’m such a loving person. I try to care for people I bought him a car with the relationship I would cook for him morning afternoon and night. I even ended up getting him a job just to end up getting treated like shit and get beat up Even though that’s exactly what I was running away from home for. Anyways, while I was there, I was making money but then he would just take it because apparently I have no bank account or anything. Just a cash app so he would just take the money away like I was basically working for him. So we ended up breaking up and the night of the break up was actually really scary but I’m happy I made it out alive. Anyways, when I left, I left with zero dollars and I went to go stay with an ex best friend. Yes X because my mom eventually made me cut her off but during that time I stayed with her and even when I came to stay with her I was under age so she had to sneak me in the apartment the night I came because of me and the vision that I have literally that same night I told myself I’m not gonna be squatting in someone’s apartment so I ended up making $1000 at night and then the next day, I found a place that I live in for a month so I was working nonstop. I was heartbroken. I was tired I was distressed. I was just broken and all I could do was throw myself at work on my business (Which, by the way, is, it was just a fashion boutique and mentorship) Over the time I was able to make $300,000 from the age of 16 to 18... The place I was staying I wasn’t able to rent it anymore because there was a time when I went to go visit my family The landlord rented out my room and some of my stuff were stolen so I had to leave anyways, I ended up going back home because my mom promised She wouldn’t be abusive anymore. Well, that was a lie lol.. i’ve been home since I was 18 and now I turned 21 this year and honestly most of the money I made I’ve helped my mom pay for things and it’s crazy because being at home in such a toxic environment and I’m being so emotionally abused every single day I mean there’s so many instances I could give, but this would be extremely long, and I just want to put the main parts out. Anyways, currently what I’m facing is my mom just being a narcissist and every single day I wake up there’s not a day she insults me says that I’m on drugs which by the way I’m fucking not., And the crazy part is she literally say it’s the truth and then I say let’s go to the doctors And run a test or literally search my room right now because we’re arguing and I wasn’t prepared to hide it right to just search my room now and she always declined and for the past year she’s been saying this and it’s honestly becoming very detrimental to me and I’m just really sad because honestly all that money that I made $300K+ Is all gone and the people that I gave it to all treated me like shit and honestly the most people I gave it to is my mother my ex only had a few.. Anyways, my mom made me cut off people just like the same my ex he made me literally every single app on my phone every social media every phone number and all I had was The apps I used to work and honestly I think that’s the reason why I made a lot of money because my soul life purpose was to just work and make money and throw my pain at ambition and work and naturally I’m an ambitious person I want to be but I have goals and I want to do them happily and I’ll just do them because it’s one way to cope with trauma… I can’t talk to anyone else about this externally as this pretty girl who’s rich and lives her best life but truly, I’m broken into pieces and constantly getting crashed every day more and more… There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t even know how to put them into words.. When I was younger, I was accused Of sleeping with my uncle, which, by the way I was and he was like in his 30s and I was beaten up and accused because apparently I slept with him. I didn’t even know what that was and when I say beat up I mean intensely They didn’t stop until I was bleeding and then my uncle in front of me his hand was cut like dangling right in front off me! The crazy part is this happened five more times but different uncles so that happened while I was growing up from around my early ages up till I was like 11 before I finally came to America at 12. There’s honestly a lot and I’m even more stressed about it because right now I’m living this toxic household and now I’m broke and I can’t even be able to focus on my work because every single time I wake up, there’s always some sort of negativity and toxicity emotional abuse which triggers me thinking about my trauma and usually I don’t even think about my trauma. I just act like you know what happened and there’s nothing I can do about it all I can do is work and move on but these days I can’t even work and I’m extremely broke. I can’t even pay for better help and I’m just really stressed and I hate everything right now because I know exactly what to do and where to be in my life but it’s like every decision I’ve ever made. That’s terrible or put me a terrible position was because of how my mom treated me and constantly treats me. I wish I could physically explain how much of a good daughter I am I mean, I forgave every soothing my mom did, and just helped her pay for all the bills that retired her for about two years straight, and even through those two years she was being fake and still being toxic And even now that I have nothing I still help because that’s who I am as a person and I don’t want anyone’s negativity to my wife as a good person but it just hurts that I keep getting badly and I can’t even leave if I wanted to right now because when I have no money to my mom has my documents because I wasn’t born in America. I’m an immigrant And I don’t know I’m just really stressed right now it’s literally 6:30 AM while I’m making this message and I woke up around 5 AM to four hours of work for my business I can’t even focus I’m just depressed and anxious and stressed and there’s some things that happened last night but once again, I don’t wanna make this extremely long I know that I’m the victim but I feel bad for feeling like the victim. Sometimes when I wanna cry I can’t even cry because I feel like that’s so fucking pathetic and what the fuck is that gonna do it can’t change anything happened in my life. I try to Let the trauma go but living with the cause of the trauma doesn’t help at all because even after I’ve chose to forgive and move on, my mother still continues her toxic behavior. I mean she literally told me I look like a fucking pig and like her grandmother yesterday and literally I had just woken up and she told me to go grocery shopping for her and while I’m in the car to go grocery shopping for her. She’s literally insulting me like I don’t fucking have to be here I’m literally helping you and you’re fucking insulting me. .. I just feel like I’m in right now and I don’t want to be because I have so much potential and I feel like my wings are clipped down right now and I just don’t know what to do like I was making five to $10,000 weekly and now I don’t even make $5,000 to $10,000 dollars weekly!!! just because I’m so drained and I’m so tired and I’m over everything I just don’t know what to do anymore. She makes me feel like shit and then I just think about where I should be in my life. If I really was just a bitch and mean like everyone else I’ll be so far in life and accomplished so many things, because I did accomplish every time I accomplish something, it was taken. It was bad it wasn’t and it’s crazy because I’ve been around people who do treat me like a priority and respect me but getting into that would be super long. I wish there was someone I could talk to you about my life we could just dissect it and I can just get back up because I know I have a potential if I told you guys my dream goals I could be the next fucking Rihanna. Like billionaire status and I know I can accomplish this because I literally have a written out step-by-step I just need to do it daily but I can’t fucking do it daily because of the stupid inconvenience and when I’m rich and successful I wanna make therapy fucking free. I want to help kids and countries right now we’re getting abused, raped, starving going through disease and just terrible things. Even orphans and not just kids but helpless adults Because I don’t know why society makes it feel like just because people are over 16 or over 18. They should no longer be cared for. This is the first time we’re all living we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing It’s even worse, food, shelter, finances to take care of daily needs or emotional support. So I’m honestly just tired of life right now but I’m only 20 and I know there’s more to my life because I look at all these successful and rich people and everyone doubted them must be treated them like shit .. omg I’m crying rn I fucking hate this! I just wanna wake up in my own fucking place. Follow my morning routines work on my business gift to charity and live a normal life. I’m tired of waking up and toxic bullshit. I hate unnecessary ass toxic bullshit. I’ve been through much already. I’m young and I just want to be free and not free in the way that people actually want to just to not be abused I don’t care about going to clubs drinking smoking. I just wanna be in a room to myself or I can just not hear toxic shit or get gaslighted or reminded of things that I didn’t even do or don’t then I’m just over it man 😢

I just wanted to apologize in advance because this is going to be extremely long. I’m honestly been through a lot in my life. I’m talking about getting my head shaved being sliced, getting habanero peppers put up my private part… I even had to jump off a three-story building once, because my stepdad was chasing me with a fucking machete! I’ve been kidnapped I’ve been poisoned I’ve gone through the absolute worst growing up. The crazy part is most people don’t know this about me because they just see me as this pretty girl Without knowing I’m going through internal struggles. Anyways, this is super long story, so I’m gonna try my best to summarize this as short as possible to just let us all out there and hopefully get some guidance or help or even care because I feel at the moment that nobody fucking cares. When I was 16 I ran away from home because my mother was abusing me intensely. She was the one who did the previous things, and she was literally stand on my head… I remember there was once I even asked a question and she just took the pinch. She was riding with, and stabbed me in the shoulder and moved on like nothing wrong happened to me in that moment “mom is just angry” So like I said, I ran away when I was 16 But I was very ambitious, so I started a business and I was making a lot of money, but since I was And didn’t have any documentation because I ran away from home. I looked for people online that I could pay to kind of live with them and then there was this guy on my Snapchat, who said I could live with him find you he was 22 years old… Anyways, when I got to him, he was actually living in a hotel and was owing a crazy amount, so ended up paying that and then since I couldn’t even get my own hotel, I didn’t have an ID at live with him there so we were living from hotel to hotel and I had to pay all the bills eventually we started dating for about six months and it was good at the beginning, but then eventually, he tended to have anger issues as well. I mean, he literally locked me in the closet, and also hit me. The crazy part is, I’m such a loving person. I try to care for people I bought him a car with the relationship I would cook for him morning afternoon and night. I even ended up getting him a job just to end up getting treated like shit and get beat up Even though that’s exactly what I was running away from home for. Anyways, while I was there, I was making money but then he would just take it because apparently I have no bank account or anything. Just a cash app so he would just take the money away like I was basically working for him. So we ended up breaking up and the night of the break up was actually really scary but I’m happy I made it out alive. Anyways, when I left, I left with zero dollars and I went to go stay with an ex best friend. Yes X because my mom eventually made me cut her off but during that time I stayed with her and even when I came to stay with her I was under age so she had to sneak me in the apartment the night I came because of me and the vision that I have literally that same night I told myself I’m not gonna be squatting in someone’s apartment so I ended up making $1000 at night and then the next day, I found a place that I live in for a month so I was working nonstop. I was heartbroken. I was tired I was distressed. I was just broken and all I could do was throw myself at work on my business (Which, by the way, is, it was just a fashion boutique and mentorship) Over the time I was able to make $300,000 from the age of 16 to 18... The place I was staying I wasn’t able to rent it anymore because there was a time when I went to go visit my family The landlord rented out my room and some of my stuff were stolen so I had to leave anyways, I ended up going back home because my mom promised She wouldn’t be abusive anymore. Well, that was a lie lol.. i’ve been home since I was 18 and now I turned 21 this year and honestly most of the money I made I’ve helped my mom pay for things and it’s crazy because being at home in such a toxic environment and I’m being so emotionally abused every single day I mean there’s so many instances I could give, but this would be extremely long, and I just want to put the main parts out. Anyways, currently what I’m facing is my mom just being a narcissist and every single day I wake up there’s not a day she insults me says that I’m on drugs which by the way I’m fucking not., And the crazy part is she literally say it’s the truth and then I say let’s go to the doctors And run a test or literally search my room right now because we’re arguing and I wasn’t prepared to hide it right to just search my room now and she always declined and for the past year she’s been saying this and it’s honestly becoming very detrimental to me and I’m just really sad because honestly all that money that I made $300K+ Is all gone and the people that I gave it to all treated me like shit and honestly the most people I gave it to is my mother my ex only had a few.. Anyways, my mom made me cut off people just like the same my ex he made me literally every single app on my phone every social media every phone number and all I had was The apps I used to work and honestly I think that’s the reason why I made a lot of money because my soul life purpose was to just work and make money and throw my pain at ambition and work and naturally I’m an ambitious person I want to be but I have goals and I want to do them happily and I’ll just do them because it’s one way to cope with trauma… I can’t talk to anyone else about this externally as this pretty girl who’s rich and lives her best life but truly, I’m broken into pieces and constantly getting crashed every day more and more… There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t even know how to put them into words.. When I was younger, I was accused Of sleeping with my uncle, which, by the way I was and he was like in his 30s and I was beaten up and accused because apparently I slept with him. I didn’t even know what that was and when I say beat up I mean intensely They didn’t stop until I was bleeding and then my uncle in front of me his hand was cut like dangling right in front off me! The crazy part is this happened five more times but different uncles so that happened while I was growing up from around my early ages up till I was like 11 before I finally came to America at 12. There’s honestly a lot and I’m even more stressed about it because right now I’m living this toxic household and now I’m broke and I can’t even be able to focus on my work because every single time I wake up, there’s always some sort of negativity and toxicity emotional abuse which triggers me thinking about my trauma and usually I don’t even think about my trauma. I just act like you know what happened and there’s nothing I can do about it all I can do is work and move on but these days I can’t even work and I’m extremely broke. I can’t even pay for better help and I’m just really stressed and I hate everything right now because I know exactly what to do and where to be in my life but it’s like every decision I’ve ever made. That’s terrible or put me a terrible position was because of how my mom treated me and constantly treats me. I wish I could physically explain how much of a good daughter I am I mean, I forgave every soothing my mom did, and just helped her pay for all the bills that retired her for about two years straight, and even through those two years she was being fake and still being toxic And even now that I have nothing I still help because that’s who I am as a person and I don’t want anyone’s negativity to my wife as a good person but it just hurts that I keep getting badly and I can’t even leave if I wanted to right now because when I have no money to my mom has my documents because I wasn’t born in America. I’m an immigrant And I don’t know I’m just really stressed right now it’s literally 6:30 AM while I’m making this message and I woke up around 5 AM to four hours of work for my business I can’t even focus I’m just depressed and anxious and stressed and there’s some things that happened last night but once again, I don’t wanna make this extremely long I know that I’m the victim but I feel bad for feeling like the victim. Sometimes when I wanna cry I can’t even cry because I feel like that’s so fucking pathetic and what the fuck is that gonna do it can’t change anything happened in my life. I try to Let the trauma go but living with the cause of the trauma doesn’t help at all because even after I’ve chose to forgive and move on, my mother still continues her toxic behavior. I mean she literally told me I look like a fucking pig and like her grandmother yesterday and literally I had just woken up and she told me to go grocery shopping for her and while I’m in the car to go grocery shopping for her. She’s literally insulting me like I don’t fucking have to be here I’m literally helping you and you’re fucking insulting me. .. I just feel like I’m in right now and I don’t want to be because I have so much potential and I feel like my wings are clipped down right now and I just don’t know what to do like I was making five to $10,000 weekly and now I don’t even make $5,000 to $10,000 dollars weekly!!! just because I’m so drained and I’m so tired and I’m over everything I just don’t know what to do anymore. She makes me feel like shit and then I just think about where I should be in my life. If I really was just a bitch and mean like everyone else I’ll be so far in life and accomplished so many things, because I did accomplish every time I accomplish something, it was taken. It was bad it wasn’t and it’s crazy because I’ve been around people who do treat me like a priority and respect me but getting into that would be super long. I wish there was someone I could talk to you about my life we could just dissect it and I can just get back up because I know I have a potential if I told you guys my dream goals I could be the next fucking Rihanna. Like billionaire status and I know I can accomplish this because I literally have a written out step-by-step I just need to do it daily but I can’t fucking do it daily because of the stupid inconvenience and when I’m rich and successful I wanna make therapy fucking free. I want to help kids and countries right now we’re getting abused, raped, starving going through disease and just terrible things. Even orphans and not just kids but helpless adults Because I don’t know why society makes it feel like just because people are over 16 or over 18. They should no longer be cared for. This is the first time we’re all living we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing It’s even worse, food, shelter, finances to take care of daily needs or emotional support. So I’m honestly just tired of life right now but I’m only 20 and I know there’s more to my life because I look at all these successful and rich people and everyone doubted them must be treated them like shit .. omg I’m crying rn I fucking hate this! I just wanna wake up in my own fucking place. Follow my morning routines work on my business gift to charity and live a normal life. I’m tired of waking up and toxic bullshit. I hate unnecessary ass toxic bullshit. I’ve been through much already. I’m young and I just want to be free and not free in the way that people actually want to just to not be abused I don’t care about going to clubs drinking smoking. I just wanna be in a room to myself or I can just not hear toxic shit or get gaslighted or reminded of things that I didn’t even do or don’t then I’m just over it man 😢

Earth's orbit experiences an “Orbital Eccentricity”, 100,000 year cycle orbit and inclination variation, going from circular to elliptical, the hemispheres experience more or less sun or exposure to the sun for extended periods, causing ice ages. Scientists estimate we are near the minimum, a 6% change in solar energy. At peak, the earth experiences a change of 30%.
Modern Day Primates, in the wild and captivity, are able to communicate, near and far, using verbal and gesture components, even to other species. Have been observed using wood as tools, and in using medicinal plants to treat wounds.
44 million y a - Hominid ancestors acquire Herpes virus.
10 million y a - Primate ancestors develop genes to digest alcohol.
6 million years ago - Primate ancestors split from Chimpanzee/Bonobo line (15 million DNA mutations have occurred since then; each person born today has 100 mutations distinct to them, most don’t survive.)
5.3 m y a - Mediterranean Sea experiences the Messinian Salinity Crisis, for 600,000 years the Straight of Gibraltar closed off, causing the Mediterranean to shrink down to two inland seas with Italy and Greece separating them. Ends in the Zanclean Flood, a river of Atlantic sea water flows thru Gibraltar and fills the Mediterranean in 2 years.
5 m y a - Arabian-African continent reconnects with Asia. Land based Turtle species start going extinct.
4 - 3 m y a - Hominid ancestors acquire pubic lice from Gorillas (genetic evidence).
3.6 - 2.58 m y a - Considered the Neogene Period.
3.3 m y a - Stone tools found in Kenya and Ethiopia.
2.6 m y a - Mode One Stone Tools found in Ethiopia, would subsequently spread. Flourished to 1.7 million y a in southern and eastern Africa. Paleolithic (Old Stone Age) Era (2.6 m y a till end of last Ice Age, 11,000 y a). Subdivided into the Early- or Lower Paleolithic (c. 2,6 million years ago - c. 250,000 years ago); the Middle Paleolithic (c. 250,000 years ago - c. 30,000 years ago); and the Late- or Upper Paleolithic (c. 50,000/40,000 - c. 10,000 years ago)
2.58 million - 11,700 years ago - Considered the start of the Quaternary Period, and covers the Pleistocene.
2.4 – 1.4 m y a – Homo Habilis (4.5-3.5 feet tall).
2 m years ago - Earliest Hominids start eating meat.
1.9 – 1.8 m y a – Homo Rudolfensis.
1.89 m y a to 110,000 y a - Homo Erectus (first to leave Africa and spread across Asia).
1.8 m years ago - Mode One Stone Tools found on Java.
1.7 m years ago - Mode Two Stone Tools (slicing, hand-axe/butchering, evidence of drilling tools) appear in Kenya and southern Africa.
1.6 m years ago - Mode One Stone Tools found in northern China.
1.6 - 1.5 m y a - Africa, Turkana Boy dies, likely from a tooth cavity infection. He was either 8 or 11-12 years old and 61 inches tall. Brain 880 ccm.
1.5 m y a - Kenya, possible start of Hominids using fire to cook food. (increase in caloric intake, which would lead to evolution; however, Paranthropus Boisei is the local species, brain 500-550 ccm, 54 inches tall)
1 million years ago - Likely split between ancestor of Homo Sapiens and proto-Neanderthal-Denisovan species. (Mitochondrial DNA evidence.) South Africa, evidence of fire use for cooking.
1 m - 700,000 y a - Java, Java Man dies, brain 900 ccm. 5' 8" tall.
900,000 y a – Possible earliest use of boats.
820,000 - 580,000 y a - Durum Wheat develops out of natural hybridization with Einkorn Wheat (genetic analysis).
800,000? y a - Low world temperatures recorded. Height of Ice Age?
790,000 y a - Levant, oldest Fire hearths found. (Homo Heidelbergensis, 1,250 ccm brain, 69 in tall)
740,000? y a - Height of Ice Age?
7-200,000 y a – Homo Heidelbergensis (East Africa and Europe, likely first to hunt large animals with spears)
640,000? y a - Height of Ice Age.
550,000? y a - Height of Ice Age?
540,000 - 430,000 y a - Art: Sea shell formed into decoration by Homo Erectus. (Could indicate when sea shells began to be used as whistles and horns.)
530,000? y a - Interglacial Peak (between Ice Ages, high CO2 content in the atmosphere, 524-474,000).
500,000 y a - South Africa, evidence of Spears. Genetic evidence of Neanderthal spread from Europe to Caspian Sea, Denisovans occupied land from Caspian to the east.
450,000 y a - Earliest physical evidence of Neanderthal.
450,000 y a - Global temperatures had dropped, stayed that way for thousands of years.
430,000 - 230,000 y a - Durum Wheat cross-breeds with wild Goat Grass (genetic analysis).
400,000 y a - Interglacial Peak (between Ice Ages, 424-374,000).
400,000 y a - Germany, oldest Spears found. France (Terra Amata), possible evidence of manmade shelter using prepared wood.
360,000? y a - Height of Ice Age.
335-236,000 y a – Homo Naledi (South Africa, 4’9”)
310,000 y a - Interglacial Peak (between Ice Ages, 337-300,000).
300,000 y a – Mode Three Stone Tools (smaller knife-like, scrapers, developed in Europe by Neanderthals)
300,000-200,000 y a – Africa, Origin of Male Y-Chromosome that all current males are descended from. (40% of males do not reproduce.)
270,000? y a - Height of Ice Age.
240,000 y a - Interglacial Peak (between Ice Ages, 242–230,000).
200,000 y a - France, evidence of Neanderthals fishing. Africa, "Mitochondrial Eve," source of all Human Haplo-groups that everyone is descended from, existed at this time.
194,000-135,000 y a - Penultimate Glacial Period.
190,000 y a - Early physical evidence of Denisovans. (At least three interbreeding events would occur with Homo Sapiens. EPAS1 gene, hemoglobin concentration, Tibetan plateau.)
190,000-50,000 y a - Flores Island, evidence of tool use by the Human Hobbit.
170,000 - 80,000 y a - Body Lice evolve (genetic evidence, feed on human skin, live in clothing; evidence of clothing)
164,000 y a – South Africa, heat treating Silcrete Stone to enhance stone tool production.
140,000 y a - Homo Sapiens found in Europe.
130,000 y a - Evidence of humans in North America. Crete, earliest human settlements found on the island. Art: Neanderthal necklace made of eagle talons. Croatia: Neanderthal teeth show possible dental work.
125,000 y a - Interglacial Peak (between Ice Ages, 130-115,000). Sea levels 4-6 meters (18 feet) higher then today.
110,000-15,000 y a - Last Glacial Period. Grey Wolves would migrate from North America back to Asia prior to the maximum.
100,000-60,000 y a - Flores Island, bone fossil evidence of the Human Hobbit.
100,000 y a - Oldest example of proper human burial. South Africa, Pigment (paint) Creation Kit found. (would cover bodies in mud/clay and then spray the paint over the bodies, sun screen-protection from insects)
90,000 y a – Harpoons.
86,000-37,000 y a – Neanderthal and Homo Sapiens begin interbreeding, based on genetic evidence found so far.
75,000 years ago - Likely rise of Hunter Genotype in Homo Sapiens.
75,000 y a - Art: Drilled snail shells found in South African cave.
73,000 y a - South Africa (Blombos Cave), evidence of Red Ochre art on pieces of stone, stone with deliberate lines cut into it possibly representing count marks.
72,000 y a - South Africa, Beads found in cave.
70,000 y a - Mitochondrial DNA suggests this is when the Haplo-group of early humans migrated out of Africa to populate the rest of the world.
70-60,000 y a - Earliest evidence of bone and stone arrowheads (for Spear Throwers), found in South Africa. 64,000?
70,000 - 35,000 BCE - Neanderthal burials in Europe and Middle East.
68-16,000 y a – Smallpox evolves from an African Rodent Virus.
67,000 BCE - France, burial shows skulls with Trepanation (cutting holes to relieve brain pressure), earliest example of surgery.
65,000 y a - First humans settle Australia.
64,000 y a - Spain, oldest evidence found of Cave Art (Neanderthal hand).
61,000 y a - South Africa, possible evidence of a Sewing Needle.
60,000? y a - Height of Ice Age?
60,000 y a - Evidence of man/Neanderthal using herbal medicine.
55,000 - 40,000 y a - Italy, evidence of Neanderthal using Pine Tree Resin and Beeswax for hafting tools, in cave. (Beeswax can be used in making Candles.)
52,000 y a - Last evidence of Denisovans.
52,000 – 41,000 y a – Archaeological find of “Bast” tree fiber twisted into primitive cordage, possibly as handle for a Stone Tool. (meaning they had access to Clothing, Nets, Cord for Fishing or Hafting tools, rope; thinking processes of Counting, Sets, Patterns, and possibly abstract thinking)
50,000 - 10,000 y a - Mode Four Stone Tools (long blades).
50,000 y a - Australia, last evidence of megafauna. Siberia, needle made from bone found in Denisovan cave. Genetic evidence of Neanderthal spreading to western edge of China.
50,000 years ago - End point of development of Gatherer Genotype (can survive famine), Teacher Genotype (can handle new and different environments, analytical).
45,000 y a - Evidence of Neanderthal and Homo Sapien interbreeding. (Fossil found, DNA tested.) (France, to create stone tools required precision, “Soft Hammers” were likely used.)
44,000 y a - Evidence of art found in Indonesia.
44,000-40,000 y a - Europe experiences cold and dry weather, displacing populations.
43-42,000 y a - Germany, oldest musical instruments (flutes) found.
42,000 y a - Australia, skeleton of man suggests Atlatl use, pre-dating earliest evidence; earliest example of cremation found. Spain, small amounts of Natural Gold found in a cave.
40,000 y a - (Mankind is at the “Forager” level.) Last evidence of Neanderthal. (Inheritance of "STAT2" gene, immune response. HYAL2 gene, helps skin recover from sunburns.) China, test on body found that ate a lot of fresh water fish. Possible example of oldest petroglyphs. Beads found in Lebanon.
40,000 - 26,000 y a - Studying toe bones, showed they became smaller and weaker, indicating shoes were worn. Prior to this, shoes were likely bags wrapped around feet to protect from cold.
38,000 BC - First appearance of Mode Five Ground Stone tools on Japan. (rock was quarried; thin slivers of flint stone, attached to hafts, man is learning the use of a "handle" for tools and "leverage", create Adzes, Celts, and Axes; grinding helps to penetrate trees and was likely discovered when grinding plant matter; found buried with owners; were traded) Lasted till 14,000 BC. (Would not become popular elsewhere until 10,000 BC?) Germany: Clay Figurine featuring human with lion like appearance, thought to be earliest representation of a Deity.
35,000 BCE - Europe, earliest examples of "Venus figurines" found buried in graves (some showing they were deliberately broken or stabbed repeatedly); would later spread to rest of Eurasia. Early examples of skulls and long bones showing red ochre, indicating possible relic worship.
35,000 y a - Germany, flute made from a vulture bone found.
30,000 BCE – Solomon Islands, first humans settle (60 km sea voyage).
31,000 - 27,000 y a - Evidence of Pit Fire (Earthernware) Pottery developing.
30,000-20,000 years ago - Explorer genotype (Ice Age refugees, idiosyncratic, asymmetrical, contrarian mentality)
30,000 y a - Evidence of starch residue on rocks, indicating where plant matter was pounded and ground. (Would likely be the pre-cursor of developing bread from roots of cattails and ferns. Quern Grinding Stones would spread and gain popularity.) Georgia, Flax used as a textile (harvested, dyed, and knotted) found in Dzudzuana Cave. Fertile Crescent, Einkorn wheat harvested in it's wild form. Evidence of man using the Atlatl. Poland: Boomerang carved from mammoth tusk found. France, Lunar Calendar. Likely when Bolas (stone weight(s) and length of cord) began to be used.
28,000 y a - Europe, oldest evidence of rope.
25,000 - 15,000 BCE - Blood Type A develops in the Fertile Crescent. (able to survive Plague, Cholera, Smallpox)
27,000 y a - Australia, oldest example of petroglyphs found. Czech Republic, earliest example of "Weaving" of material together to create baskets and basic cloth. (Leads to counting and simple math, organizing.)
26,000-13,300 y a - Considered "Glacial Maximum", ice sheets extend to the 45th parallel north. (26,500 considered to be maximum glacial reach.)
23,000 - 12,000 y a – Europe, Perforated Batons found, made of antler, assumed to be a form of Atlatl that uses a leather strap or string to wrap around the spear and give it a slight spin, arrow or spear thrower (similar to Swiss Arrow). Right and left handed throwers find preference. Most carved with Horses, have one or two holes (one had 8 holes).
23,000 y a - Israel, Ohalo archaeological site, hunter-gatherer society (6 brushwood shelters, 132 stone tools some attached to hafts, stone Sickles, dwellings showed flint tools were made at entrance, cooking at other end, grind stone showed sand and cobbles to place and had U-shape of seeds around it) that grew/harvested Barley, Millet, Bromus (grass in same tax tribe as wheat/barley/rye, can be used for fermenting beverages, can be eaten by humans and animals), Rubus (same family as Rose plants, similar to blackberries), and various fruits (seeds from 13 different species), earliest evidence for “Bedding” material.
22,000 – 17,000 y a – France, Solutrean inhabitants make use of Antler.
21,000-17,000 y a - France, Atlatl's found in caves.
20,000 y a - Height of the Ice Age, sea levels 120 meters (360 feet) lower. Mode Five Stone Tools (microliths glued to handles, Fertile Crescent). Earliest example of a building/house found. Ukraine, Bullroarer (wood on rope that is swung around to create sound over long distance) found. Iraq-Iran, Zarzian Culture, had domesticated Dogs.
19,050? - 13,050 y a - Oldest Dryas Period, stadial, abrupt cooling period. Sea levels rose 10-15 m in 500 years.
17,000 BCE - Mesopotamia, Wild Emmer Wheat harvested.
18,000 - 17,500 y a - Siberia, earliest example of a domesticated dog found frozen. Germany, Bow and Arrows found. Early evidence of Darts used.
18,000 y a - Japan, oldest pottery discovered.
15,100 - 14,000 y a - Morocco, earliest example of a cemetery.
15,000 y a – Mode Five Stone Tools reach Europe. Southern France, cave art depicting possible Musical Bow, Nose Flute; "The Sorcerer," a figure showing human and many animal qualities (bison), made out of Clay.
15,000 – 10,000 y a – France, Stone Oil Lamps.
14,500 y a - Oldest example of bread making, Jordan desert.
14,160 - 13,820 y a - Archaeological find: infected tooth partially cleaned out with flint tools.
14,600 - 13,600 y a - "Melt Water Pulse," sea levels rose 16-24 m.
14,000? y a - Older Dryas Period, around 200 year cooling period.
13,500 - 8,200 y a - China, wild Rice domestication event occurs.
15-10,000 BCE - Himalayas, development of Blood Type B.
11,050 BCE - Syria, attempts at domesticating Rye.
13,000 y a - Greece, evidence of lentils found. Earliest evidence of Amber used in jewelry. Israel, archaeological evidence of beer like gruel for ceremonial purposes found at Haifa. Likely beginning of Slavery.
13,000 - 12,700 y a - Fertile Crescent, archaeological evidence of man corralling and using pigs.
12,900 - 11,700 y a - The Younger Dryas Period, when temperatures went cold instead of warming from the Last Glacial Maximum.
10,000 BCE - Jericho, considered mankind's first town, is established. Buildings of clay and straw, dead buried under homes. (Would reach 70 dwellings by 94,000 BCE.) Chickpeas domesticated. Earliest evidence of the Bottle Gourd being domesticated and used (Africa and Asia variety). Azerbaijan (Caspian Sea), petroglyphs of reed boats. Starting point of Ocarina type flutes. Cyprus, humans arrive. Germany, Jet artifact (Botfly larvae, which can be eaten). Curved Stone Oil Lamps.
11,700 y a - Considered the beginning of the Holocene.
9600 BCE - Southern Levant, earliest use of wild Emmer Wheat.
11,500 - 11,000 y a - "Melt Water Pulse," sea levels rose 28 m.
11,400 y a - Cypress, archaeological evidence of pigs (indicating they had been domesticated and brought from the mainland).
9400 - 9200 BCE - Jordan Valley, Fig trees found, indicating earliest agriculture since these trees could not reproduce.
9130 - 7370 BCE - SE Turkey, Gobekli Tepe, oldest known worship location.
9000 BCE - Syria, oldest (Saddle) Quern found. Mesopotamia, Copper first used. Bartering of Cattle and agricultural products likely occurring at this time.
9000 - 3300 BCE - Neolithic Era, roughly. Time period of when man has begun herding, before using bronze.
11,000 - 9,000 y a - Mesopotamia, domestication of Sheep; Rammed Earth construction technique developed. Iran, Domestication of Goat (focused on management of the animal, varieties would come later).
11,000-4,000 years ago - Warrior genotype (farmers, soldiers, inventors); Nomad genotype (life upon a horse, can handle different environments, good immune system)
11 or 10,000 y a - Last Ice Age ends.
8800 BCE - Emmer Wheat spreads beyond the Levant.
8700 BCE - Iraq, Copper pendant.
8500 BCE - Domestication of Barley. Domestication of peas occurs around this time. Turkey, Beer production found at Gobekli Tepe. Domestication of Cattle from the Aurochs (two separate populations, one in Mesopotamia [pop. 80], the other Pakistan). (Rendering cattle bones into Tallow allows for the creation of Candles. Beeswax also used.) Oregon, oldest pair of shoes found made from bark twine. Oats possibly start to be harvested, crop mirrors wheat (is like a weed).
8400 BCE – Cyprus, earliest dug Water Well (26 ft).
10,300 - 8,700 y a - China, Millet harvested.
10,200 - 9,500 y a - Emmer Wheat domesticated(?).
10,000 - 7,000 y a - Archaeological evidence of boats.
8000 BCE (10,000 years ago) – Genetic evidence of breeding Pigeons. Palestine, archaeological evidence of pastoralism. Pre-Pottery Neolithic people in the Fertile Crescent form perfectly smooth stone vases. Iran, Goat domestication. Believed to be when primitive dairy-cheese making began. Flax cultivation. China, Quern Grinding Stones. England, Antler used in headdress costume.
9,500 y a - Cyprus, earliest evidence of cat domestication. SE Anatolia, cold-working, annealing, smelting, lost wax casting of Copper.
7570 BCE – Indus Valley, Lapis Lazuli artifacts.
7500 - 5700 BCE - Anatolia, Catal Hoyuk develops as a spiritual center, found many clay figurines and impressions (feminine, phallic, hunting).
7400 BCE - A monolith ends up submerged in the Straight of Sicily.
7176 B.C. – Earth hit by one of the most massive Solar Storms from the sun ever recorded (visible at night with the magnetic field interaction).
7000 BCE - Archaeological evidence for pastoralism in Africa. China: evidence of mead (honey, rice, water fermented) in pottery; evidence of musical instruments. India, first archaeological evidence of Dance (cave art); evidence of dentistry. Armenian Highlands, art depictions of Cymbals. Durum Wheat made thru artificial selection in Europe and Near East. Greece, earliest evidence of grain silos. Turkey, Catal Hoyuk, art depiction of a Slinger. Afghanistan, Lapis Lazuli mined and traded to Indus and Mesopotamia societies. Europe, Cave Wall art of Honey Collecting.
7000 - 6600 BCE - China, domestication of Soy beans.
7000 - 6000 BCE - Turkey, domestication of Bitter Vetch. (Too bitter for human consumption without being boiled several times, has been found to be great for cattle feed.)
6500-3800 BCE - Ubaid Period (Mesopotamian citystates rise, evidence of specialized workers, evidence of taxation)
6500 BCE - Turkey, evidence of lead smelting at Catal Hoyuk. (Wrapping the dead in textiles, too.) China, archaeological evidence of Silk. Kosovo, oldest Ocarina found in Europe.
8,200 - 7,600 y a - Sea levels rise rapidly. Linked to North American great fresh water lake (Agassiz, Ojibway) sudden draining into Atlantic Ocean. 8,400 y a?
6050 BCE - Moldova, evidence of man extracting salt from a natural spring.
8,000 y a - Western Europe, white skin first appears. Iran: earliest evidence of irrigation; man starts choosing sheep for their wooliness, not just meat and skin (2-3,000 years later, would start wearing wool). Georgia, earliest evidence of wine. Spain, cave painting shows people collecting honey from a wild hive, using a container to hold. China, Buckwheat cultivated (near Tibetan plateau), possible first example of Influenza. Earliest evidence of the Ard Plow used (castrating bulls to train 4 years to become Draft Oxen, also means they can be used to haul logs thru and from forests). Mediterranean, Broad (Fava) Beans, Broccoli. Portugal: Almendres Cromlech, begins, aligned to equinox and solstice, occupied for 2,000 years, would become largest complex in Iberian peninsula, equal to other large complexes in Europe. Anatolia: Obsidian polished into mirrors. Spelt Wheat appears. First Stone hafted Axes. Earliest evidence of “Cock Fighting” game fowl. (Iraq, Kiln.)
6000 - 3500 BC - Mesopotamia (Sumer), Poppy domesticated.
7,8-5,000 y a - SE Turkey, Einkorn Wheat grown and domesticated.
5600 BCE - Evidence of The Black Sea Flood, turning the fresh water lake into a salt water sea, rose shorelines and displaced populations (source of flood myths in religions).
7500 y a - Earth experiences a cold climate period? Lasts for 500 or more years.
7500 y a - Earliest example of chickpeas being used. Poland, archaeological evidence of cheese making. Ukraine, Romania, earliest examples of traps used for hunting. Pakistan, evidence of Cotton found in copper beads. Egypt, earliest Combs found (placing a leaf in the teeth can create a primitive sound instrument).
5500-5000 BCE - Serbia, Copper Smelting.
5200 - 4700 BCE - Iran, earliest evidence of a wheel, for pottery, made of stone or clay.
7,000 y a - Earliest example of Dolmen, single chamber tomb, consists of two stones supporting another on top (table design), found in western Europe, would spread and be common 4000 - 3000 BCE in Europe. Iranian plateau, evidence of Bronze made with naturally occurring arsenic. Tin would replace as the major ingredient (and releasing non-toxic vapors) in the late 3000 BCE period. Iran, evidence of wine found, using sealed containers. China, Hemp domestication (smoking was likely cause for spread, Iron Age would use for production); Rammed Earth construction technique, Silkworm domestication begins. Egypt, Badarian culture starts farming, used boomerangs. Roundels, circular enclosure often with entrances aligned to solstice, would be constructed in Central Europe (Germany, 120-150 altogether). Siberia, oldest carpet found (likely a funeral gift, from Armenia, featured griffons). Mesopotamia: first use of Stamp Seals for government purposes; Rotary Quern milling stones are introduced. Armenia: possible origin of Apricots. Lake Zurich, cultivation of Pear. Indus Valley Civilization, using Bitumen aka Asphalt for waterproofing (a basket), adhesive. Bulgaria, Turquoise beads.
6950 - 6440 y a - Papua New Guinea, cultivation of Taro and Yam.
4800 BCE - Egypt, early evidence of peas being grown. Cairn of Barnenez, Brittany, England, begins (burial monument and later bronze age use, considered one of the oldest and largest man made structures).
4700 - 4200 BCE - The town of Solnitstata, considered the oldest known settlement in Europe. Built around a salt deposit.
6,500 y a - Croatia, earliest example of an oven found. Slovenia, dental filling made with beeswax. Indus Valley, irrigation. Wine production reaches Greece. Carnac Stones, Brittany, France; would become large complex of standing stones, menhirs, domens, tumuli (burial mounds, with passage tombs), large rectangle formed by stone. Americas: various tribes domesticated “chili peppers.” Bulgaria, Carnelian beads. Manufactured Red Pottery Oil Lamps.
4500-4000 BCE - China, Investment Casting develops.
4200 - 4000 BCE - Mesopotamia develops true, easy to spin pottery wheels.
6,000 y a - Earth experiences a cold climate period? (Starting maybe 500 years earlier and ending 500 years later.)
4000 BCE - (Mankind has achieved “Farmer status.”) (Thought to be when Cattle were turned into Oxen for Draft Animal purposes.) Egyptians start building big Brick structures; manufacturing Papyrus; Gold artifacts; (domesticated Donkeys?). Earliest examples of Kilns. NE Italy, archaeological find of Appleseeds. Sicily, evidence of wine found. Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Horse domestication begins (they became small and varied in size as compared to their wild ancestors). “Pontic Language Explosion”. [People from north of the Caspian and Black Seas migrated around Eurasia, ancestor of western languages. (shared origins with: milk, horses, sheep, cattle, pigs, goats, grain, copper, carts, yoke, weaving, mead; patrilineal clans)]. Earliest examples of Viticulture (wine making). Levant, earliest examples of harvesting Olives; start using grain Silos. Art: Earliest depiction of Shoes, Sandals. China: example of a Loom for Silk production; Ramie (similar to flax, requires chemical processing, not as popular, believed to be used for Egyptian mummy wraps). Persia (Iran), Mung Bean domestication?, Chang (precursor to Harp) found on artwork, made with sheep guts. Mesopotamia: Stamp Seals come into use; Mirrors made of Copper; 30-40% of animal bones in settlements were pork (understood to be a way of removing trash from community, easy to feed and raise many); Uruk clay tablet describes two temples owning a herd of 95 pigs to be rendered into soap to clean linen; clay pipes for sewage. Europe, farming reaches northern regions. Anatolia, Silver production.
4000 - 1000 BCE - Ethiopia, Teff is discovered (can feed people and livestock, building material).
3800 - 3500 BCE - Czech Republic, possible evidence of earliest plowed fields.
5,700 y a - Lolland Island, a blue eyed, dark haired, dark skin woman spits out some Birch Bark gum; oldest complete human genome extracted; had Mononucleosis ("kissing disease"). Possible archeological evidence of pit traps used for migrating animal hunting.
3630 BCE - Oldest example of silk fabric found.
3600 BCE – Pork bones in settlements (Levant, Mesopotamia) dropped to 16-30% of total livestock.
5,500 - 4,700 y a - Georgia, tomb found had honey remains on pottery. (This culture could identify Linden, Berry, and Meadow-Flower varieties.)
3500 BCE - City of Uruk: (Mesopotamia) begins outward expansion and influence, later first example of organized warfare (would influence Egyptians to start building pyramids); "Cylinder Seals," a type of noble seal, that can be rolled unto wet clay (would be popular until 1000 BCE). Iraq, Kish Tablet, considered to represent the early transition from pictographic to cuneiform. Mesopotamia, earliest Harps and Lyres found; Gold artifacts. Modern humans settle the western coast of Europe, hunter-gatherers. Egyptians show Cat domestication; Gold Smelting; used a vertical Gnomon as a primitive Sundial? Iran, Beer made from Barley. Armenia, earliest Leather Shoe found. China, Pottery in shape of silkworm indicates earliest example of Sericulture (silk worm production).
3500 - 3350 BCE – Mesopotamia, earliest evidence of wheeled vehicles. Indus Valley civilization uses Stamp Seals with a type of script.
3400 BCE (5,400 years ago) - First metal casting. France, Cow skull showing Trepanation found.
5,400 -5,100 y a - Itzi the Iceman dies in the mountains of Northern Italy. Had a copper axe. Earliest evidence of tattoos. Shoes made from two types of animal skin (bear and deer). Arsenic residue in his hair.
3300 BCE - Egypt, tomb paintings show people Dancing. Indus Valley, develop Sanitation.
3200 BCE - Examples of using symbols to represent real life objects (would go to form written language). Ireland, construction begins on Newgrange, largest passage tomb in Europe, aligned to winter solstice. Egypt, Bead made of Meteoric Iron found.
3100 - 2900 BCE - Jemdet Nasr period (following fall of Uruk) would be known as establishing Cuneiform as a proper language.
3100 BCE - Upper and Lower Egypt unified. Mesopotamia, likely evidence of the earliest Lute type device.
3000 BCE - Onset of Bronze. Mesopotamia, Irrigation; Glass Beads appear (possible side effect of making metal); possible earliest Iron working (required higher temperatures), cuneiform mention of Pigeons. Sumer, Medical text found on tablet, believed oldest ever found. Egypt, Hieroglyphs of Pigeons and use of Homing Pigeons for message delivery, first record of a Doctor named, Imhotep; Antimony harvested from rock and made into eye makeup; earliest evidence of domestic Donkeys in the south. Egyptian Mummies show evidence of Smallpox (deathrate 30% especially among babies, can leave people blind). Dromedary Camels likely domesticated in Somalia at this time. (Camel hair can be harvested for shelter and clothing, outer guard hairs make for water proof coats. Camel milk readily turns into yogurt. To turn into butter requires a clarifying agent and extended process.) Chicken reaches Europe from Asia. England, earliest Stone Circles found. Slovakia, Romania, earliest chainmail found. Sheep chosen for wooly coat, not long hair. China, Clay Bells found. India, River Buffalo domesticated (water buffalo); Jute grown for fiber (burlap). Northern Iran, earliest examples of Trumpets. SE Asia, earliest records of Radish. Pakistan, Terracota female figurines.
2800 BCE - Solid evidence of plowed fields. China, Copper smelting discovered. Babylon, evidence of manufacture of soap like substance.
2700 BCE - Chinese treatise on health. 40 kinds identified.
2650 BCE - Egypt, dental work found.
2630-10 BCE - Egypt, Pyramid of Djoser constructed by Imhotep, considered first.
2600 BCE – Egypt, domestication of Honey Bee complete.
2600 - 1900 BCE - Indus Valley, Stoneware Pottery (meaning fired at 1000 degrees Celsius), would become a major industry; (Ivory?).
2580-50 BCE – Egypt, creates first true Ocean Dock for sea trading vessels (with Indus Valley).
2560 BCE - Great Pyramid of Giza completed.
2500 BCE - Evidence of The Amber Road, trade route from the Baltic Sea to Mediterranean Sea. E Iran, Bactrian Camels domesticated. Iraq, "Lyres of Ur," considered world's oldest stringed instruments. Peru, oldest Sling ever found. Egypt, earliest depiction of a Khopesh (sword). Sumerian Clay Tablet with instructions for manufacturing soap (heating mixture of oil and wood ash, earliest record chemical reaction, used for washing woolen clothing). China, axes with Corundum (precious stone). Harappan Culture of Indus Valley, chicken used for Cock Fighting, not food.
2500 - 2000 BCE - Mali, domestication of Pearl Millet. Turkey, Meteoric Iron dagger.
2400 BCE - Sumer, description of Prostitution and a Brothel-Temple to Fertility Goddess.
2300 BCE - Mesopotamia, Urukagina of Lagash, considered the earliest Law Code. (Widows and orphans exempt from taxes, state pays for funeral expenses, the rich must pay in silver and cannot force the poor against will, checked power of priests, protect from usury, abolished polyandry). Iran, Quince (fruit). China, oldest Gnomon (painted stick that casts a shadow for sundial purpose).
2200 BCE - China, first known tax, using salt. Iraq, tablet reads “22 jars of Pig Fat” (each jar 18 liters of Lard, 396 liters total, require 45 adult pigs; likely used to make soap to clean wool of sheep before turning them into textiles)
2200-2000 BCE - Turkey, Iron Smelting.
2100 - 2050 BCE - City of Ur: Earliest written Code of Law discovered. References Butter. (Fines for bodily harm, references murder, robbery, adultery, rape. Two classes of people: free and slave.)
4000 - 3000 y a - Mesopotamia, earliest Scissors (shear, spring type). India, Mung Bean domesticated.
2000 BCE - Murals show horses pulling chariots. Horses become common in western Europe. England, Great Orme Mine started, would become largest copper mine in region (most productive between 1700 - 1400 BCE), used bone and stone tools. China, Bells made out of metal (Bellfounding); domestication of the Swamp Buffalo (water buffalo). Ghana, earliest evidence of Cowpea (black eyed pea). India, Canola/Rapeseed; Diamonds being used to drill beads. Egypt, Lupin Beans. Greece, Kale grown.
1900 BCE – Homing Pigeons used for warfare.
1800 BCE - Egypt, medical text on gynecological issues; Safflower for pigment. India, Iron working.
1754 BCE - Code of Hammurabi (recognized Prostitution and gave women protection and inheritance; theorized that a fertility goddess had a temple that offered sex workers).
1700 - 1200 BCE - (Late Bronze Age) 8 societies in Middle East: Aegean, Egyptian, Hittite, Canaanite, Cypriot, Mitanni, Assyrian, Babylonian. Considered a "globalized world system." Next time this would occur is today.
1700 BCE – Mesopotamia: The "Mari Letters" reference Minoan society, King Hammurabi; clay tablets list Trigonometry Tables and Applied Geometry (for land ownership, speculated to aid in construction).
1628 BCE - Island of Thera/Santorini experiences huge volcanic eruption, possibly causing a tsunami thru eastern Mediterranean.
1600-1500 BCE - Greece, Helmet formed of boar tusks found.
1600 BCE – Levant, Mesopotamia, Pork bones rarely found in settlements (banned from temples in Anatolia, Mesopotamia, Egypt). (Found amongst the poor classes, difficult to tax since it did not produce wool or milk or could plow a field.)
1550 BCE – Papyrus Ebers, Egyptian medical text, mentions Chlamydia.
1500 BCE - Modern Trumpet design found in eastern Mediterranean. India, Pigeon Pea domesticated. Egypt, Mercury found in tombs; archaeologists find earliest Sundials; Emerald mines. China, Water Clocks.
1400 BCE - Syria, Hurrian Songs, cuneiform music tablet in Ugarit. Greece, oldest body armor found, made of bronze, Dendra Panoply (not actually worn, more of a showpiece, but clear representation of body armor for battle). China, Meteoric Iron axeheads. Art representation of Scale Mail in Egypt. Art: representation of Shields.
1350 BCE - Turkey, Hittites chronicle Egyptian prisoners of war bringing "the plague.”
1300 BCE - Uluburun Shipwreck, off coast of Turkey, had 300 sixty pound copper ingots (10 tons), 1 ton of tin, and tin objects and ingots of colored glass (blue, rose, brown). From Cypress/Minoa.
1300? - 900? BCE - Eastern Mediterranean experiences a 300? year drought. (Could also be: Cypress 1200- 850. Syria 1250-1187. Galilee 1250-1100)
1279 BCE - Battle of Qadesh (Egypt vs Hittites).
1200 BCE (3,200 years ago) - Onset of Iron smelting. Earliest Camel saddles appear. Last appearance of Megaliths. India, earliest evidence of Firewalking.
1200 BCE - Eastern Mediterranean civilization collapse. Drought in Greece. Earthquake series.
1188-1177 BCE - Egypt suffers invasions from "The Sea People."
1185 BCE - Syria, Ugarit Letter, Famine.
1140? BCE - Ramses 6th, mummy found to have Smallpox. No record of people dying from Smallpox.
1100 BCE - Phoenicians establish nation. Europe, Iron Age.
1100? BCE - Earth experiences a cold temperature period?
1100-750 BCE - Egypt, Iron Smelting.
1070 BCE - Egyptian mummy found with Silk in hair, earliest evidence of Silk Road.
1000 BCE - Early Cuneiform script (late stages, still pictograph in nature). Bactria, Barbat (primitive lute). Egypt, Kenaf is grown for fibers, leaves can be eaten by animals and humans (similar to Jute and Hemp; rope, rough fabric, sails). Mediterranean, Cabbage domesticated. China, Iron Age. Sport: racing Homing Pigeons.
930 BCE - Camel bones found in Arabian peninsula. Jordan, earliest Bloomery for Iron working found.
800 - 600 BCE - Ethiopia, Sorghum Wheat begins to be harvested.
800 BCE - Considered the beginning of Ancient Greece, after the Mycenae Civilization. China, Bloomeries used.
700-500 BCE - The Illiad orally composed. India, Diamond mining starts.
708 BCE – Greece, Olympics, Discus Throw.
700 BCE - Turkey, first Coins in Lydia. Assyria, first equipment recognized as a Saddle for a Horse.
660 BCE – Massive Solar Storm hits Earth.
600 BCE - Earliest example of a Steel Sword.
600-400 BCE - Ancient Greece rise of scientific inquiry and philosophy
550 BCE - The Illiad written down.
540 BCE – Sri Lanka, earliest record of Pearls.
500 BCE - Camels used in warfare. Persians use kettle drums for military maneuvers, frighten enemies. Greece, Grape Syrup, early form of sweetener and preservative; earliest written mention of what could be Influenza. Blackberries consumed around Europe. Spain, Disk Quern developed. India, Cholera described in Sanskrit. Romans manufacture dipped Candles.
430 BCE – Athens, Typhoid Fever outbreak during siege by Sparta.
400 BCE - The "Celts/Gaeil" settle Ireland. Greece, the “Hippocratic Corpus” seventy collected medical texts, mentions Pneumonia, Meningitis, Valerian Root.
396 BCE - Olympics, horn blowing competitions.
314 BCE - China, first mention of Sweet Orange.
298 BCE - Foot powered Loom.
200 BCE - China starts making paper.

The Cliff's notes version of the post:
I got:

• A bunch of unique handmade stuff, including fuzzes, drives, filters, synthy effects, modulation.
• Some 9V/12V practice amps I made from old speakers.
• A handful of cheapies
• A digitech multifx
• Some bulky items for local trade in the Nashville, TN area.
• None o' them fancy pricey pedals this sub seems to be after.

I want:

• Just about anything related to musical instruments and music making: Effects, instruments, gizmos, recording stuff, etc.
• Or lots of other things not remotely related to music. Try me.
• Or money
• I mean, basically, if you want a pedal, especially a handmade one, and are willing to send me something of reasonable value for it, you have a good shot at getting it.

Chapter 1: In which I make a few glib blandishments about whatnot
May Day May Day! Oh wait, that's tomorrow. Hope everyone is enjoying springtime. Still hoping to get some spring cleaning done, to move out some of these pedals to make room for those half-finished projects lingering on my bench. All trade offers are welcome, though I'd be happy if anyone wanted to offer some cash because I need to do a couple parts orders here soon.
Chapter 2: In which I describe my hand-made musical devices for trade
(If you are NOT into handmade stuff, scroll down to chapter 3 because I have some other items at the end.)
This is hand-built stuff that I made, mostly relatively unique or heavily tweaked designs built on vero or point to point. Many are housed in upcycled tins, a few in Hammond boxes. They all run on standard 9v pedal power. These aren't clones for the most part, unless they are; but normally I actually monkey about with the circuits quite a bit or just test out wacky ideas. If you want something nobody else has, you're in the right place…
I have the handmades valued in 4 tiers:

• D tier are my trashy cheapies, made from reclaimed components. I don't feel right asking a lot for reclaimed components. I value them in the $40 - $50 range, not really picky about what I trade for. I might even take dirt pedals for these. Only got one left, trying to phase out this tier.
• C tier are the cheapies made with new components. I value these in the $50 - $60 range, not very picky here either.
• B tier are my average builds, I will trade for pedals in the $65-$90 value range, depending on the complexity of the build. A little pickier, but still pretty open.
• A tier are my happy happy builds, usually more complex or just nicer quality. I will be picky about trades for these. (But still not Boutique prices; I have no delusions). It's probably less about value here and more about how much I actually want the thing you have. Think in the $90 - $130 range.

MOBILE USERS: There are 4 columns in the tables below: Name, Tier, Links, and Notes. If you don't see all 4, scroll over or ask for more info.
Fuzzes

Name	Tier	Links	Notes
Bazz Me Fuss You #1	A	PIC DEMO	A bazz-fussified perversion of the Escobedo push-me-pull-you, featuring controls for octave and volume. This is the first unit I've built using my own custom PCB. Housed in a painted 125B with top jacks.
SwirlFuzz	B+	PIC DEMO	Modulated octave fuzz prototype. It's an octave fuzz, but you can switch on an LFO to modulate the octave amount. Controls for Rate, Depth, Gain, and Volume, plus switches for waveshape and mode (Normal/Octave/Modulated). In a circular tin reinforced with recycled plastic.
Baller Fuzz	B	PIC DEMO	Another Bazz-Me-Fuss-You build with an added BMP-style tone control. In a slightly beaten-up heart-shaped basketball tin. Y'all ready for this?
Big Green Fuzz for Attractive Bass Players	B	PIC Demo	Like my bazz-me-fuss-you circuit, but with a big muff tone stack, a clean blend, and optional clippers for more compression. Housed in a big round tin reinforced with recycled plastic and designed specifically for attractive bass players. Unattractive ones may not really gel with this.
Creature from the planet Chyowngg	B	PIC Demo	Prototype of a unique fuzz I've been developing that I call the Chyowngg fuzz. It's a 2-stage octaver that gives a bright synthy tone with a distinctive envelope (hence the name). You can toggle each stage from octave to non-octave mode for a variety of interesting timbres. Also has a tone control, but the tone control is before the octave stages so it results in interesting behaviors depending on the switch settings. It's in a tin meant to be painted like an alien, though some say it looks more like a triceratops.
Avengers Fuzz 2 TRADE IN PROGRESS	C	PIC Demo	A harmonic percolator-based fuzz with three modes: "Captain America" mode gives a modest fuzz with good cleanup; "Hulk and Thor" mode is a fat, saxy fuzz with modest gating; "Iron Man mode" is a compressed high-gain fuzz with heavy gating. Housed in a puzzle tin with the Avengers on it.
Happy ChrizzMuss Tree Fuzz TRADE IN PROGRESS	C	PIC Demo	Another gated double-bazz-fuss type fuzz, this one features a bias knob for adjusting the bias of the first stage and a bass boost switch. Housed in a Christmas tree tin.
Dumbo's Bazzrite Fussrite	C	PIC Demo	A bazz-fussified mosrite fuzzrite circuit I cobbled together in point-to-point wiring style. Housed in a little Dumbo puzzle tin with GLITTER! Controls are for balance (kind of tone-cum-gain) and volume.
Wiff Spwinkles on Top	C	PIC Demo	This point-to-point fuzz lives in the same neighborhood as the Harmonic Percolator, but has a few differences. I altered the way the gain knob works, and added a switch to toggle bass cut. It's housed in an ice-creamity welly tin.

Drives, Distortions, and Boosts

Name	Tier	Links	Notes
Bronze Drive	A	PIC Demo	This is a point-to-point, transistor based overdrive I designed based loosely on the Davisson Easy Drive. Good for low-gain crunchy tones and plenty of output volume on tap if you want it for a boost. Tone circuit is like a BMP stack but with a mid hump instead of a mid cut. Housed in a painted 125B.
Copper ZenerMorph Drive	B	PIC Demo	This is an experiment in zener diode clipping. Nice crispy drive that gets beefier as you turn up the gain, lots of good edge-of-breakup tones to be had. Housed in a decorated tin reinforced with some recycled plastic.
Shining Hope Drive	B	PIC Demo	Differential mirroring drive, gives a kind of overdriven-mixer-channel distortion. Controls for gain, tone, and volume. Housed in a star-shaped Christmas tin.
B is for Beast	C	PIC DEMO	This fun little drive/boost consists of two cascading MOSFET gain stages with optional clipping in between. It goes from clean and loud to massive wall-of-gain distortion nicely. Controls for gain, clipping, and volume. In a small heart-shaped tin about 4in by 4in.
Green Sparkler Boost	D	PIC	Just an Escobedo Duende JFET boost built point-to-point in a sparkly little round tin. Gives a little gain and a bit of warmth to the tone.

Non-Dirt

Name	Tier	Links	Notes
Droid Love Syntheficationatorifyer TRADED	A	PIC DEMO	A dirty, raw sounding guitar synth based on the Escobedo Square shaper and the Nurse Quacky. It converts your guitar to a synth wave that can vary from saw to square with the "shape" knob, then runs it through an envelope filter with adjustable sensitivity, range, attack, and cutoff. The switch smooths the envelope, and the envelope can either be taken from the dry signal (default) or from the sidechain input on the side. An LFO can also be routed to cutoff for some wub wub. All this is housed in a heart-shaped R2D2 tin.
Gift of Chykka Wakka	B	PIC DEMO	First build of an all-transistor envelope filter I designed. Built point-to-point style and housed in a little giftbox tin reinforced with recycled plastic. Controls for Q and Sweep, switch toggles envelope smoothing.
Vortex of Funk	B	PIC DEMO	Second build of the Chykka-Wakka circuit, this one features attack, Q, and range controls. Built point-to-point and housed in a painted tin.
Tacklebox Vibes TRADED	B	PIC DEMO	A prototype vibe/phase/ring-mod sort of circuit I've been working on. A little difficult to tame, but full of neat sounds. Built on vero, housed in a fishing-themed tin reinforced with recycled plastic.
BZZZ BOOP BEEP	B	PIC DEMO	A basic square wave oscillator on a momentary switch. Can go from bzzz to boop to beep with a sweep of the big knob. Also has tone and volume controls, and a 3-way switch for different decay amounts. Use it to simulate a spring door stopper or dying cow. Or bleep your foul-mouthed frontman. Or mess with the sound guy. Or send Morse code to the bar. I dunno. Housed in a painted tin reinforced with recycled plastic.

Little Amps

Name	Price/Trades	Links	Description
Ample iMank	$65	PICS DEMO	This is a Runoffgroove Ruby Amplifier built into this old multimedia speaker enclosure designed to look like an old iMac. Glows blue when you turn it on. It runs from a standard 9v pedal power. It's not terribly loud, nor terribly clean, but if you dig the classic mac vibe it might be fun. Controls for gain and volume, and a power switch on the back.
Nosy Amp	$75	PICS DEMO	Another solid-state amp based on the Ruby amplifier, housed in a repurposed bookshelf speaker. This one actually has pretty decent volume, even on 9V (can run on 12V as well for more), and can stay clean while getting loud enough for a quiet jam with friends.
Fleur-de-Lis Amp	$90	PICS DEMO	A tiny bookshelf speaker turned into a practice amp. This one features a class D power amp for lovely cleans, and a custom designed discrete preamp that gets punchy & crunchy when cranked. Runs on 9V but pretty loud nonetheless.

Chapter 3: In which I list my Non-DIY Stuff
Make an offer. I respect Reverb Price Guide values, though I may lean high if it's a feeler.

Brand	Name	Condition	Notes
Danelectro	Fab Chorus	Excellent	Cheap plastic chorus, but sounds great. Probably just a make-weight, too cheap to trade on its own.
Caline	10-band EQ	Good	Works fine, I just don't really need 10 bands of EQ. Has velcro on the back, and sometimes makes a weird noise when you turn on the pedalboard. Another make-weight.
Ibanez	PH7	Good	Tonelok phaser. Great pedal, has some glue on the bottom I couldn't get off, but works fine.
BOSS	TU-12H	Good	Crusty vintage tuner from Boss. Still works great, but it's missing the outer case (still has the inner part). If you had one in the day and want to relive the magic, feel free to make an offer.
Digitech	RP360	Very Good	Great multifx, I've gotten some fun sounds out of it, but it isn't seeing much use. I'm just more of a discrete FX guy I guess.
MOTU	MIDI express	Good	This is an antique MIDI patchbay and interface. It's pre-USB and uses the parallel cable (PC) or some kind of Apple-specific DIN cable (Mac). Could be used standalone, or maybe you're into retro MIDI setups? Comes with box and cables anyway.
unknown builder	PedalPCB Cataclysm	Very Good	This is a really solid build of a PedalPCB cataclysm (Disaster Transport Jr clone) built by someone other than me. Pics here. Not sure who built it, nor is the person I got it from, nor am I sure what to value it, but make an offer if you like it.

Local (Nashville TN area) ONLY

Brand	Name	Condition	Notes
TEAC	A3340S 4-Track Reel-to-Reel	Good	Cleaned up, oiled up, and in good working order last time I tried it out. Meant to do some analog recording, but just haven't gotten the time or space. Would trade for a decent instrument of some kind. Might even throw in a copy of Craig Anderton's "Home Recording for Musicians", which uses the same unit.
Altec-Lansing	Power amp (9442A)	Fair	300 W, 2 rack-unit power amp, can work in stereo or bridged mode. Last time I used it one of the channels was a little flaky. Couldn't be bothered to fix it myself. Heavy as all get out, I'll sell for cheap if you're local.

Chapter 4: In which I describe what would I trade for
I'm wide open to trades for music gear of all kinds and other items of value.
Some Priority Wants:

• A next level looper like the Pigtronix Infinity 3. Feeling limited by my current setup. Something with MIDI sync, multiple loop tracks, tempo sync.
• Boss OC-5.
• A reverb with a really good plate algorithm.
• Compact 12 channel mixer. Preferably a Mackie VLZ or similar.
• Isolated pedal power supply.
• Genuine e-Bow. Already own 2 clones, looking to try the real shebang.
• A multiple-MIDI I/O unit.
• A 1-U rack-mount mixer.
• Money.

Other things I'd likely trade for:

• Pedals, naturally:
  • Especially fancy DSP type pedals (the kind I can't build), or a nice analog flangechorus.
  • Decent analog pedals that need repair. Expect a lot of questions and not much value, though.
  • Check "probably not wants" below
• Studio gear like mics, headphones, cables, small mixers, rack gear, etc.
• Synths and midi gear, especially cheap stuff like Volcas or Reface, etc. Really need a MIDI interface with multiple I/O.
  • I kinda dig old casio/yamaha cheapies.
  • Drum machines are interesting to me.
• Musical instruments? I play about everything, or would like to try anyway.
  • I'd like to acquire a tele style guitar at some point. Even just a cheapie knockoff.
  • If you've got a not-too-expensive Ibanez fretless bass (or similar), let's talk.
• Also Non-music things:
  • Unbuilt pedal kits, pedal enclosures, bulk lots of electronics parts, etc.
  • Electronics/DIY tools or supplies (scope, transistor tester, solder, etc)
  • Something weird and creative. Random items of modest value you want to get rid of. Handmade items that are giftable.
  • Did I mention money? I do paypal and venmo.

Probably not wants (doesn't apply to C or D-tier builds, offer anything for those):

• Dirt pedals. Might make an exception for something really intriguing, though.
• Eurorack modules, unless anyone wants to trade me a whole starter setup (yeah, probably not, right?)
• Guitaamp/cab parts. Not really into modding that stuff. Yet.
• Behringer pedals. Just not a fan.
• Any pedal whose value is primarily as a collectible (Vintage, Rare editions/colorways/signature models, etc)
• If I can get it on Amazon or Reverb for under $50, I'd rather we bundled a few things to make it worth the shipping cost.

Epilogue
A Note about mods/repairs/custom jobs: Feel free to shoot me your ideas, but probably I'm leaning toward not doing these. Expect to pay/trade way more for something custom than what I ask for the pedals I've already built.
And now, with apologies to Jon Postel's Robustness Principle, I leave you with these words:
"Be conservative in what you WTT, liberal in what you WTTF."

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PART 3 - CONTINUATION
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LAST UPDATED - 05 / 04 / 2024
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LINKS

Part 1 – https://www.reddit.com/Isekai/comments/1cga32j/list_i_have_distributed_all_the_isekais_i_have/
Part 2 – https://www.reddit.com/Isekai/comments/1cga4z3/list_i_have_distributed_all_the_isekais_i_have/
Part 3 – https://www.reddit.com/Isekai/comments/1cga7ta/list_i_have_distributed_all_the_isekais_i_have/

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Lets begin
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28 - Slice of life/Slow Life Isekai: There are several possibilities here. These are series focused not on the objective but on the characters’ daily lives. There are several subcategories.

28.1 – Open Store: MC open his own business.
Examples: [1] – Kami Tachi; [2] – Drug Store In Another World; [3] - My Quiet Blacksmith Life in Another World; [3] - Isekai De Uwamae Hanete Ikiteiku ~Saisei Mahotsukai No Yuru Fuwa Jinzai Haken Seikatsu~; [4] - Shounin Yuusha wa Isekai wo Gyuujiru!
28.2 – Lazy worker: MC have an easy job and dont have to fight;
Examples: [1] – Ascendance Of A Bookworm; [12] - The Girl Monster I Saved; [3] - I Got Reincarnated As A Son Of Innkeepers!; [4] - Kochira Isekai de yoroshikatta deshou ka?; [5] - Moto Home Center Tenin no Isekai Seikatsu ~Shougou "DIY Master" "Green Master" "Pet Master" wo Kushishite Isekai wo Kimamani Ikimasu~; [6] - Heroine? Saint? No, I'm An All-Works Maid; [7] - Sweets, Elf, And A High School Girl (reverse);
28.3 – Lazy Merchant: MC farm or uses his system to get itens and then sell to make easy Money.
Examples: [1] - I Shall Survive Using Potions!; [13] - Slow Life In Another World (I Wish!); [3] - The Fake Alchemist; [4] - Souzai Saishuka no Isekai Ryokouki; [5] - Arafoo Otoko no Isekai Tsuhan Seikatsu; [6] - Isekai Nonbiri Sozai Saishu Seikatsu; [7] - Cheat na Tablet wo Motte Kaiteki Isekai Seikatsu; [8] - Teihen Ossan, Cheat Kokusei de Isekai Rakuraku Life;
28.4 – Lazy Noble/Elf: Just a normal noble/elf living a easy life.
[1] - Tensei Shite Inaka de Slowlife wo Okuritai; [2] - Tensei Shita Kedo Cheat Nouryoku wo Tsukawanai De Ikite Miru; [3] - Tenseisha wa Cheat o Nozomanai; [4] - Tensei Ouji wa Daraketai; [5] - Tensei Shite High Elf ni Narimashitaga, Slow Life wa 120-nen de Akimashita; [6] - Reincarnated as the Daughter of the Legendary Hero and the Queen of Spirits;
28.5 – Lazy Farmer: farmer life. Best Job/class. MC is usually OP and almost always end up with a harem;
Examples: [8] - Nonbiri Nouka; [9] – Yuru Fuwa Noka No Moji Bake Skill; [11] - Kamigami no Kago de Seisan Kakumei; [14] - Living a Laid-Back Second Life on the Island of the Strongest Species; [5] - Isekai de Tochi o Katte Noujou wo Tsukurou; [6] - Isekai ni Otosareta… Jouka wa Kihon!; [7] - Seirei-tachi no Rakuen to Risou no Isekai Seikatsu; [8] - Isekai ni Teni Shitara Yama no Naka datta. Handou de Tsuyo Sayori mo Kaitekisa o Erabi Mashita;[9] - Tanbo de Hirotta Onna Kishi, Inaka de Ore no Yome da to Omowareteiru (reverse); [10] - Tensei Shachiku no Cheat Saien - Ban'nou Skill to Benri na Tsukaima Yousei wo Kushishitetara, Kidzukeba Tairiku Ichi no Seisan Kyoten ga Dekiteita; [11] - Shokubutsu Mahou Chito de Nonbiri Ryoshu Seikatsu Hajimemasu Zense no Chishiki o Kushi Shite Nogyo Shitara, Gyakuten Jinsei Hajimatta Kudan; [12] - Isekai desu ga Mamono Saibai shiteimasu.; [13] - Tenohira Kaitaku Mura de Isekai Kenkokuki: Fueteku Yome-tachi to Nonbiri Mujintou Life; [14] - Orenchi ni Kita Onna Kishi to Inakagurashi Surukotoninatta Ken (reverse); [15] - Isekai Yururi Camp; [16] - Shoushaman no Isekai Survival ~ Zettai Hito to wa Tsurumanee ~;
28.6 – Frail boy/girl: cute/emotional stories about kids;
Examples: [1] - Fluffy Paradise; [2] - Zensei de Tsurai Omoi o Shita no de, Kamisama ga Shazai ni Kimashita; [3] - Making Magic: The Sweet Life of a Witch Who Knows an Infinite MP Loophole; [4] - The Steam Dragon Express; [5] - A Ruined Princess and a Different World's Hero Make a Great Country!; [6] - Sekai Tensei Slum Machi kara no Nariagari; [7] - Tensei Youjo wa Akiramenai; [8] - Kamitachi ni Hirowareta Otoko; [9] - Saijaku Tamer wa Gomi Hiroi no Tabi o Hajimemashita;
28.7 – Lover Boy/girl: Living each day with his/her waifu/husbando and making friends.
Examples: [10] - Yuusha Shoukan ni Makikomareta kedo, Isekai wa Heiwa deshita; [1] - Lv2 kara Cheat datta Motoyuusha Kouho no Mattari Isekai Life; [3] - I Guess I Became the Mother of the Great Demon King's 10 Children in Another World; [4] - Monster no Konkatsuya-san; [5] - Isekai ni Kita Mitai Dakedo Dousureba Yoi no Darou; [6] - Depressed Hero; [6] - I'm in Love with the Villainess; [7] - There Was A Cute Girl In The Hero’S Party, So I Tried Confessing To Her;
28.8 – Camping Isekai: rare stories about a MC who likes to camping.
[1] - Ossan no Remake Bouken Nikki: Autocamp kara Hajimaru Isekai Mankitsu Life; [2] - Isekai Shachuuhaku Monogatari: Outrunner PHEV;

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29 - Profession Isekai: MC was a professional in his previous world and after being isekai his/her knowledge end up being usefull enough to adapt and make changes in the new world.
Examples:

[1] – The Saint’s Magic Power is Omnipotent; [2] – Parallel World Pharmacy; [3] – Handyman Saitou in Another World; [4] - I Used High-Level Medicine To Counter Magic; [5] - A Single Aristocrat Enjoys A Different World: The Graceful Life Of A Man Who Never Gets Married; [6] – Salaryman ga Isekai ni Ittara Shitennou ni Natta Hanashi; [7] - The Story of the Invincible Merchant's Rise in Another World ~Since I have the skill to order modern products at will, I have an easy victory in another world~; [8] - I Reincarnated As A Legendary Surgeon; [9] - How A Realist Hero Rebuilt The Kingdom Focuses On A Civil Servant Saving a country; [10] - The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady; [11] - The Greatest Estate Developer; [12] - The Holy Power of Modern Medicine; [13] - Yuusha Ikkou ni Senzokui; [14] - Isekai no Meitantei; [15] - Madougushi Dahliya wa Utsumukanai ~Dahliya Wilts No More~; [16] - Inaka no Home Center Otoko no Jiyuu na Isekai Seikatsu; [17] - Cheat Kusushi no Slow Life: Isekai ni Tsukurou Drugstore; [18] - Fushi no Kami: Rebuilding Civilization Starts with a Village; [19] – Exterminator; [20] – Isekai no Binbou Nouka ni Tensei Shita Node, Renga wo Tsukutte Shiro wo Tateru Koto ni Shimashita; [20] - Welcome to Sylvia's Garden; [21] - Can I, a Doctor, Save 10 Billion Lives in Another World?; [22] - Isekai Courtroom -Rebuttal Barrister-; [23] - Doctor’s Rebirth; [24] - The Crown Prince That Sells Medicine; [25] - Isekai Ten'i Shite Kyoushi ni Natta ga, Majo to Osorerareteiru Ken ~Aoi-sensei no Gakuen Funtou Nisshi~; [26] - BLACK CORPORATION: JOSEON;

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30 – RPG/Game/Novel Isekai: Isekai where MC is isekai’d with his/her own game character and build according to the game rules that they know, or use a class who's considered weak but it will become the strongest in the lategame, or even because they know the events of the world.

30.1 – Eroge game / Otome game / MMO / RPG / VRPG etc.
Examples: [1] – Live Dungeon; [2] – Log Horizon; [3] - Tsuihou Sareta Tensei Juu Kishi wa Game Chishiki de Musou Suru; [4] – Quality Assurance in Another World; [5] - The Unrivaled Reincarnated Sage of Another World ~The Strongest in Another World Through Game Knowledge~; [6] – Maou-sama, Retry!; [7] - Sword Art Online; [8] - Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear; [9] - .Hack//Sign; [10] - Tyrant Of The Tower Defense Game; [11] - Surviving The Game As A Barbarian; [12] - Pick Me Up: Infinite Gacha; [13] - Dungeon Reset; [14] - The Nebula's Civilization; [15] - Rta Sousha Wa Game Sekai Kara Kaerenai; [22] - Manuke na FPS Player ga Isekai e Ochita Baai; [16] - Moto-Sekai Ichii Sub-chara Ikusei Nikki ~Hi-Player, Isekai wo Kouryaku-chu!~; [17] - The Player Hides His Past; [18] - Surviving With an SSS-Rank Inventory; [19] - Saiaku no Avalon; [20] - Ore no Shibou Flag ga Todomaru Tokoro wo Shiranai; [21] - Isekai Cheat Magic Swordsman; [22] - Shoukan sareta Kenja wa Isekai wo Yuku ~Saikyou nano wa Fuyou Zaiko no Item deshita~; [23] – Ernak; [24] - Hakoniwa Oukoku no Craft Master; [25] - Magical★Explorer - Eroge no Yuujin Kyara ni Tensei Shitakedo, Game Chishiki Tsukatte Jiyuu ni Ikiru; [26] - 100% Cleared Harem Route; [27] - Little Tyrant Doesn't Want to Meet with a Bad End; [28] - Yasei no Last Boss ga Arawareta!; [29] - I Have Max Level Luck; [30] - The Genius Medicinal Mage; [31] - Teenage Swordsman; [32] - Chounin A wa Akuyaku Reijou wo Doushitemo Sukuitai; [33] - Starting Out With Max Favorability; [34] - Monogatari no Kuromaku ni Tensei Shite; [35] - Mushoku no Saikyou Kenja ~Job ga Erarezu Tsuihou Saretaga, Game no Chishiki de Isekai Saikyou~; [36] - Try Me Again If You Dare!; [37] - I Reincarnated as a Villain of an RPG, But I Want to Survive; [38] - A Certain Middle-Aged Man's VRMMO Activity Log; [39] - Ester de Valonia; [40] - The King of Bugs; [41] - Ecstas Online; [42] - Solo Bug Player; [43] - The Count’s Youngest Son Is a Player; [44] - Indestructible Body of Vajra of the Village Leader; [45] - Reincarnation to the World of “Eroge”: The Story About Lazy Aristocrat Who Struggle for Resist His Destiny; [46] - The Holy Emperor's Grandson Is a Necromancer; [47] - Skeleton Evolution: Starting From Being Summoned By the Sorceress; [48] - Arafoo Kenja no Isekai Seikatsu Nikki; The Diary of a Middle-Aged Teacher's Carefree Life in Another World; [49] - The Extra’s Academy Survival Guide; [50] - Botsuraku Yotei Nanode, Kajishokunin wo Mezasu; [51] - Was Manager Seo Disposed of as an Industrial Accident?; [52] - I Became a Dark Fantasy Villain; [53] - Regenerate Top Players; [54] - Akuyaku Reijou Level 99: Watashi wa UraBoss desu ga Maou de wa Arimasen; [55] - Unparalleled ??? Rank Hidden Equipment; [56] - Legend of Mir: Gold Armored Dragon; [57] - Shinka Tokusei de Saikyou Necromancer; [58] - Only I Know That This World Is a Game; [58] - I Exploit Bugs; [59] - The Gamer: Fantasia; [60] - Game no Naka ni Iru!; [61] - Your Ancestor Is Online; [62] - Onmir The oddity; [63] - Lime Odyssey - The Chronicles of ORTA; [64] - Dungeon Defense; [65] - Saitei Chara ni Tensei shita Ore wa Ikinokoritai; [66] - My Way Of Killing Gods In Another World; [67] - Twisting the Arm of Fate with Cheat Magic; [68] - Brave Hero; [69] - A World-Class Walkthrough; [70] - I Am the Rising Villain; [71] - Master of Villains; [72] - I Rely on My Invincibility to Deal Tons of Damage Passively!; [73] - The Strongest Cheat Player; [74] - The Tutorial Is Too Tough!; [75] - RPG WORLD - Roleplay World; [76] - Twisting the Arm of Fate with Cheat Magic; [77] - Isekai Tensei ni Kansha o; [78] - Akuyaku Reijou no Shitsuji-sama: Hametsu Flag wa Ore ga Tsubusasete Itadakimasu (game); [79] - I Became the Crazy Emperor; [80] - Genius Corpse-Collecting Warrior; [81] - I Killed the Player of the Academy; [82] – MEMORIZE (time travel isekai); [83] - Silver Gravekeeper; [84] - Cleric of Decay; [85] - Grimoire x Reverse - Tensei Kishin Roumantan; [86] - Ending Maker; [87] - Honobono Isekai Tensei Days ~Level Counterstop, Item Mochikoshi! Watashi wa Saikyou Youjo Desu~; [88] - Souzoushu nano de Motto Yasashikute Kudasai!; [89] - My Not-So-Fair Lady Is Doomed! (but Not If I Can Help It); [90] - Chibikko Kenja, Lv. 1 Kara Isekaide Ganbarimasu!; [91] - Kyoukai Meikyuu to Ikai no Majutsushi; [92] - Akugyaku Hadou no Brave Soul; [93] - Maou to Yuusha no Tatakai no Ura de; [94] - In the Land of Leadale; [95] - Next Life; [96] - Nichiasa Suki no Otaku ga Akuyaku Seito ni Tenseishita Kekka, Hametsu Flag ga Houkaishiteiku Ken ni Tsuite; [97] - Gokufuri Kyohi Shite Tesaguri Start! Tokka Shinai Healer, Nakama to Wakarete Tabi ni Deru; [98] - I'm Really Not Targeting the Mages; [99] - Hell Mode: Yarikomi Suki no Gamer wa Hai Settei no Isekai de Musou Suru; [100] - Reincarnated as the Villain in a Cultivation Game; [101] - Overlord; [102] - The Princess Has a Rosy Dream; [103] - My Inventory is Abnormal; [104] - Gal Maid & Villainess: Only Milady's Happy End Will Win!;
30.2 – Novel / Book / Manga / Comig etc.
Examples: [1] - The Novel's Extra; [2] - City of Sanctuary; [3] - Youngest Son of the Renowned Magic Clan; [4] - The Novel’s Extra; [5] - The Extra Is Too Powerful; [6] - Akuyaku Kizoku to shite Hitsuyou na Sore; [7] - The Genius Assassin Who Takes it All; [8] - A Comic Artist’s Survival Guide; [9] - The Transmigrated Mage Life in Another World, Becoming the Strongest in the World with the Knowledge of the Original Story; [10] - I Am Reborn as the Sword God; [11] - [12] - I Became the Youngest Prince in the Novel; [13] - Tensei Akujo no Kuro Rekishi; [14] - Lasboss x Hero; [15] - Genius Martial Arts Trainer;

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31 – Adventure/Action Isekai: Most common and extremely generic category focused on the life of an adventurer in general. Because of this, it was divided into 5 smaller categories.

31.1 - Effort is all Isekai: MC has not much talento so should train/grind/learn a lot to become stronger;
Examples: [1] - Tsuihousareru Tabi ni Skill wo Te ni Ireta Ore ga, 100 no Isekai de 2-shuume Musou; [2] - Reincarnation of the Veteran Soldier; [3] - The Strongest Sage with the Weakest Crest; [4] - Player (Oh Hyeon-Jun); [5] - The Black Pig Prince Recalls His Previous Life and Becomes the Strongest; [6] - My Job is Appraiser, but What is The [God Eye]? Living Freely with The World's Greatest Elementary Level Job; [7] - Sekai de Yuuitsu no Tenshokushi: Job Hopper na Ore wa, Isekai de Subete no Job o Kiwameru Koto ni Shita; [8] - 1RM’s Gigant Rider; [9] - Bijo to Kenja to Majin no Ken; [10] - Wizard of Arsenia; [11] - TRPG Player ga Isekai de Saikyou Build wo Mezasu; [12] - The Spearmaster and the Black Cat; [13] - Academy's Undercover Professor; [14] - Magic Maker: How to Create Magic in Another World; [15] - Tanaka the Wizard; [16] - Ane ni Iwareru ga Mama ni Tokkun wo Shiteitara, Tondemonai Tsuyosa ni Natteita Otouto; [17] - Tanaka no Atelier ~Nenrei Equal Kanojo Inaireki no Mahoutsukai~; [18] - Isekai no Senshi toshite Kuni ni Manekareta kedo, Kotowatte Heishi kara Hajimeru Koto ni Shita; [19] - Id - The Greatest Fusion Fantasy; [20] - The Great Cleric; [21] - I Was Raised by the Boss; [22] - Machigai Shoukan! Oidasareta kedo Joui Gokan Skill de Rakuraku Seikatsu; [23] - Kekkaishi e no Tensei; [24] - Ken to Mahou to Gakureki Shakai;
31.2 - Weak but Strong: despised/shunned/banned for being weak but actually pretty Strong.
Examples: [1] - Jitsu wa Ore, Saikyou Deshita?; [2] - Lv2 kara Cheat datta Moto Yuusha Kouho no Mattari Isekai Life; [3] - Level 1 no Saikyou Kenja - Noroi de Saikakyuu Mahou Shika Tsukaenai kedo, Kami no Kanchigai no Mugen no Maryoku o Te ni Ire Saikyou ni; [4] - People Looked Down on Me for Having a Crummy Job but It Really Isn't All That Bad?; [5] - Welcome to the "Outcasts' Guild"; [6] - Ikitsuku Saki wa Yuusha ka Maou ka; [7] - Homeland Dropout: The Time I Was Reincarnated as the Fourth Enchanter in the Entire World; [8] - Reincarnated as a Son of an Aristocrat; [9] - Rettoujin no Maken Tsukai: Skill Board wo Kushi Shite Saikyou ni Itaru; [10] - Overpowered Healer; [11] - Bocchi Tenseiki (Misanthrope); [12] - My Wife is a Demon Queen; [13] - Full Clearing Another World under a Goddess with Zero Believers; [14] - Maseki Gurume: Mamono no Chikara wo Tabeta Ore wa Saikyou!; [15] - Sono Munou, Jitsu wa Sekai Saikyou no Mahoutsukai ~Munou to Sagesumare, Kizokuka kara Oidasareta ga, Gift "Tenseisha" ga Kakusei shite Zense no Nouryoku ga Yomigaetta~; [16] - Versatile Mage; [17] - Soul Land; [18] - Hazure Skill de SSS-Rank Makyo Ikinui wo Tara, Sekai Saikyou no Renkinjutsushi ni Natteita ~ Kaiteki Kyoten wo Tsukutte Nakama to Tanoshi Isekai Life; [19] - Genkaigoe no Skill wa, Tenseisha ni Shika Atsukaenai - Over Limit Skill Holder; [20] - Izure Saikyou ni Itaru Tensei Mahoutsukai; [21] - Moto Saikyou no Kenshi wa, Isekai Mahou ni Akogareru; [22] - Saikyou Juzoku Tensei ~Cheat Majutsushi no Slow Life~; [23] - Level 1 Dakedo Unique Skill de Saikyou desu;
31.3 - No Effort: MC is already stronger or got the best cheat or even all the blessings from ch1 without effort;
Examples: [1] - My Civil Servant Life Reborn in the Strange World; [2] - Isekai Tensei de Kenja ni Natte Boukensha Seikatsu ~[Mahou Kairyou] de Isekai Saikyou~; [3] - Botsuraku Yotei no Kizoku dakedo, Hima datta kara Mahou wo Kiwamete Mita; [4] - Saikyou no Ossan Hunter Isekai e ~ Kondokoso Yukkuri Shizuka ni Kurashitai ~; [5] - Novelist Can Fight Too; [6] - Kaminari Tei no Kiseki ~ Ore Dake Tsukaeru “Kaminari Majutsu” de Isekai Saikyou ni! ~; [7] - Tensei Shitara Sainou ga Atta Ken ~Isekai Itte mo Doryoku Suru~; [8] - Samurai in Another World; [9] - I Get Stronger the More I Eat; [9] - Zettai ni Damage o Ukenai Skill o Moratta node, Boukensha to shite Musou shite miru; [10] - Jimi na Kensei wa Sore Demo Saikyou Desu; [11] - Eiyuu Majutsushi wa Nonbiri Kurashitai; [12] - Ookami wa Nemuranai; [13] - Aiming For the Deepest Part of the Labyrinth Thanks to "The Vessel of Talent" -What Was Supposed to be a Normal Progression of Skills Turned Out to be an All-Purpose Cheat!; [14] - Global Power: I Can Control All The Elements; [15] - Fujimi Tensei: Kuzu Dakedo Saisei Cheat de Musou Shimasu; [16] - Climax Necromance; [17] - Chouetsu-sha To Natta Ossan wa My Pace ni Isekai wo Sansaku Suru; [18] - Sasensareta Munou Ouji wa Jitsuryoku wo Kakushitai; [19] - Sekai ni Hitori, Zenzokusei Mahou no Tsukaite; [20] - Ore to Kawazu-san no Isekai Hourouki; [21] - Karada wa Jidou, Nakami wa Ossan no Nariagari Boukenki; [22] - Tensei Shichattayo (Iya, Gomen); [23] - World Teacher – Other World Style Education & Agent; [24] - From Overshadowed to Overpowered: Second Reincarnation of a Talentless Sage (isekai with reincarnation); [25] - Saikyou Onmyouji no Isekai Tensei-ki ~Geboku no Youkai-domo ni Kurabete Monster ga Yowasugiru n da ga~; [26] - Tensei Kizoku no Isekai Boukenroku ~Jichou wo Shiranai Kamigami no Shito~; [27] - Shachiku, Dungeon Darake no Sekai de Koyuu Skill "Gouyoku" wo Te ni Irete Saikyou no Balance Breaker ni Naru; [28] - Ore no Ie ga Maryoku Spot datta Ken ~Sundeiru dake de Sekai Saikyou~; [29] - I Received Blessings Meant For 2 People From God; [30] - Saikyou no Shuzoku ga Ningen Datta Ken; [31] - Tensei Shitara Dainana-ouji Dattanode, Kimama ni Majutsu wo Kiwamemasu; [32] - Karate Baka In Different World; [33] - Kuro no Shoukanshi; [34] - A Normally Dowdy Man Is in Essence the Mightiest War-God; [35] - Kage no Jitsuryokusha ni Naritakute; [36] - Hachinan tte, Sore wa Nai Deshou!; [37] - Emperor's Mark to Rule the Monsters: Reborn Sage to Strongest Adventurer; [38] - Legend (Takano Masaharu); [39] - Isekai ni Tobasareta Ossan wa Doko e Iku?
31.4 - Weird skill/job: MC got the weirdest skill in a Isekai genre;
Examples: [1] - Isekai Walking (walk); [2] - Mezase Gouka Kyakusen!! ~Sen Shokan Skill De Isekai Rich Life Wo Te Ni Irero (create ships); [3] - Dungeon Athlete (regenerate musches); [4] - Tenshoku no Shinden o Hirakimashita (job changer); [5] - Tensei Kusushi wa Isekai wo Meguru (Apothecary); [6] - Shingan no Yuusha (god eye); [7] - Isekai Meikyuu no Saishinbu o Mezasou (???); 8 - Isekai ni Kita Boku wa Kiyoubinbode Subayasa Tayorina Tabi wo Suru (Jack of all trades); 9 - Sokushi Cheat ga Saikyou Sugite, Isekai no Yatsura ga Marude Aite ni Naranai n desu ga (instant death); [10] - Tenkuu no Shiro o Moratta no de Isekai de Tanoshiku Asobitai (control a floating castle); [11] - Jiriki de Isekai e! (garbled text); [12] - Life of Hit-Tamer in Another World (tamer with one punch); [13] - Gakuen Kishi no Level up! (trial and error); [14] - Save & Load no Dekiru Yadoya-san (save and load); [15] - Saikyou no Shokugyou wa Yuusha Demo Kenja Demo Naku Kanteishi (Kari) Rashii Desu yo? (inspector); [16] - Wicked Trapper: Hunter of Heroes (trap master);

35 – Weak MC Isekai – here MC have weak skills, didnt got isekai'd with cheat and also didn't became OP.
Examples:

[1] - Pastoral Battle Hymn: Pioneer in the Fantasy Realm; [2] – Bokutachi Wa Isekai Geinin Desu; [3] - Aweon Mall Isekai Ten, Honjitsu Grand Open!; [4] - Zero Skill No Ryouriban; [5] - According to the Hero Who Returned From Another World; [6] - Isekai Nation Archimaira: The Weakest King and his Unparalleled Army; [7] - Isekai Demo Bunan ni Ikitai Shoukougun; [8] - Yuusha Shoukan ni Makikomareta kedo, Isekai wa Heiwa deshita; [9] – KonoSuba; [10] - Re: Zero - Starting Life In Another World; [11] - How A Realist Hero Rebuilt The Kingdom; [12] - Now And Then, Here And There; [13] - Handyman Saitou In Another World; [14] - Grimgar: Ashes And Illusions; [15] - Ascendance Of A Bookworm; [16] - Meikyuu Black Company; [17] - Shinde kudasai! Yuusha desho?; [18] – Isekai Manless; [19] – Parallel Paradise; [20] – Alcafus; [21] - Karma na Skill de Musou suru Isekai Harem Kaitoudan; [22] - Kurogane no Mahoutsukai; [23] - Kaminaki Sekai no Kamisama Katsudou; [24] - Mezase Gouka Kyakusen!! ~Sen Shokan Skill De Isekai Rich Life Wo Te Ni Irero; [25] - Isekai Saikouhou no Guild Leader ~Guild Saijaku no Boku da Kedo, Guild Members Zen'in no ai ga Omokute Guild o Yameraremasen~; [26] - The Girl, the Shovel, and the Evil Eye; [27] - Yankee wa Isekai de Seirei ni Aisaremasu.; [28] - Isekai Demo Bunan ni Ikitai Shoukougun; [29] - Hero with Another Opinion; [30] - Amarimono Isekaijin no Jiyuu Seikatsu: Yuusha ja Nai node Katteni Yarasete Moraimasu; [31] - Neko no Te demo Yoroshikereba; [32] - Shoushaman no Isekai Survival ~ Zettai Hito to wa Tsurumanee ~; [33] - Zero no Tsukaima; [34] - Isekai Teni, Jirai Tsuki; [35] - Kami Neko Mii-chan to Neko Youhin Shoukanshi no Isekai Funtouki;

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32 – No Fantasy Isekai: mangas in which the protagonist is not sent to a world with magic, classes, magical beast and similar, but to a futuristic, post-apocalyptic, medieval, world or even prehistoric world; .
Examples:

[1] - Mezametara Saikyou Soubi to Uchuusenmochi Datta node, Ikkodate Mezashite Youhei toshite Jiyuu ni Ikitai; [2] - Sousei no Taiga; [3] - It All Starts With A Group Of Primitive People; [4] - Animal Land; [5] - Arata Primal; [6] - Trinity Wonder (Reverse); [7] - Unparalleled Path ~ Reincarnated as the AI for a Space Battleship; [8] - Ore ga Heroine o Tasukesugite Sekai ga Little Mokushiroku!?; [9] - I'm The Evil Lord Of An Intergalactic Empire!; [10] - Blue Gender's; [11] - Now And Then, Here And There; [12] - The Legendary Mechanic; [13] - It's Not Easy to Be a Man After Traveling to the Future; [14] - The Novel's Extra; [15] - Strongest Caveman; [16] - Gunjou Senki; [17] - Heterogenia Linguistico;

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33 – Martial Art / Murim / Cultivation Isekai – Isekais where dealing with challenges through soft skills and cultivation. As is common in Xianxia mangas, the protagonist may have as his goal the search for immortality
Examples:

[1] – Overmortal; [2] - Martial Streamer; [3] - Delivery Man From Murim; [4] - Omniscient Immortal Cultivator; [5] - Embodiment of the Assassin in the Murim World; [6] - Million Times Attack Speed; [7] - I Became a Big-Shot on the Heavenly Leaderboard; [8] - Master: This Villainous Disciple Is Not The Holy Child; [9] - Live Broadcast, I Roam Freely In The Other World; [10] - Karate Baka Isekai; [11] - Karate Survivor in Another World; [12] - Villain Warrior; [13] - Starting with the Guhuo Bird; [14] - I’m A Godfather In Another World; [15] - I Pretended To Be An Npc In Cultivation World; [16] - Sword Intent; [17] - I Took Over the Demonic Sect Master; [18] - Keyboard Immortal; [19] - I, the Demon Lord, Am Being Targeted by My Female Disciples!; [20] - Rebirth of the Immortal Arrogant Son-in-Law (reverse); [21] - Heavenly Demon Instructor (reverse); [22] - Devil’s Advent; [23] - Martial Wild West; [24] - I Just Want to Be Killed; [25] - Androids Have No Blood; [26] - The No.1 Chef in Martial Art World; [27] - Leveling Beyond the Max (reverse); [28] - The Heavenly Demon Can't Live a Normal Life; [29] - The Heavenly Path Is Not Stupid; [30] - Baki Gaiden - Retsu Kaioh Doesn't Mind If He is Reincarnated in Another World; [31] - Top Tier Providence; [32] - I Picked up an Attribute; [33] - Demon Lord 2099; [34] – Murim Login; [35] - Rebirth of the Urban Mad Immortal; [36] - Strongest Fighter; [37] - After Ten Years of Chopping Wood, Immortals Begged To Become My Disciples; [38] - Global Martial Artist; [39] - X - Epoch of the Dragon; [40] - Ultimate Scheming System; [41] - Reverend Insanity; [42] - Yomei Nikagetsu no Isekai Kenkouhou; [43] - Phalaenopsis Dreamland; [44] - The Reborn Ranker Chronicles; [45] - Save The World, Uncle!; [46] - A Modern Man Who Transmigrated Into the Murim World; [47] - My Disciples Are All Big Villains; [48] - Off to an Invincible Start; [49] - I'm an Evil God;

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34 – Mecha Isekai – A rare type of Isekai in which the main conflicts and combats occur through the use of mecha. The protagonist is valued (or devalued) for his ability and potential in controlling mechas in combat.
Examples:

[1] - Sword Intent; [2] - Isekai Yuusha G-SHINE; Yuusha Shoutai Kamoku Yuusha Wa Nagasarenai; [3] - Class Saiyasune de Urareta Ore wa, Jitsu wa Saikyou Parameter; [4] - Knights & Magic; [5] - The World of Otome Games Kindergarten is Tough for Mobs; [6] - suisei no gargantia; [7] - Vision of Escaflowne; [8] - Sentai Red Isekai de Boukensha ni Naru; [9] - Magic Knight Rayearth; [10] - Tenchi Muyo! War on Geminar; [11] - Aura Battler Dunbine;

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35 – Firearm isekai – Isekais in which the protagonist is reincarnated in a world of monsters and fantasy, and uses firearms as his main weapon.
Examples:

[1] - Isekai Shoukan Oji-san no Juumusou Life - Sabage Suki Salaryman wa Kaisha Owari ni Isekai e Chokki suru; [2] - Gun-Ota ga Mahou Sekai ni Tensei shitara, Gendai Heiki de Guntai Harem wo Tsukucchaimashita!?; [3] - Hokkaidou no Geneki Hunter ga Isekai ni Hourikoma Rete Mita ~Elf Yome to Meguru Isekai Shuryou Life~; [4] - Villainess: Reloaded! Blowing Away Bad Ends with Modern Weapons; [5] - Chounin A wa Akuyaku Reijou wo Doushitemo Sukuitai; [6] - Manuke na FPS Player ga Isekai e Ochita Baai; [7] - Immortal science and technology; [8] - Arifureta Shokugyou de Sekai Saikyou; [9] - "Souzou Mahou" wo Oboete, Bannou de Saikyou ni Narimashita. Class Kara Tsuihou Shita Yatsura wa, Sokora Hen no Kusa Demo Kuttero!; [10] - Ihoujin, Dungeon ni Moguru; [11] - Magan to Dangan o Tsukatte Isekai o Buchinuku!; [12] - Bocchi Jieikan no Isekai Funsenki; [13] - Magical shooting : sniper of steel; [14] - Kouchuugun Shikan Boukensha ni Naru

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36 - One more time Isekai - MC was isekai'd in more than one different world.
Examples:

[1] - Tsuihousareru Tabi ni Skill wo Te ni Ireta Ore ga, 100 no Isekai de 2-shuume Musou; [2] - Moto Isekai Tenisha datta Kachou no Ojisan, Jinsei Nidome no Isekai wo Kake Meguru; [3] - Class-goto Shuudan Teni Shimashita ga, ichiban Tsuyoi Ore wa Saijaku no Shounin ni Gisouchuu; [4] - Yondome wa Iya na Shizokusei Majutsushi;

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37 – Evil MC Isekai – Abuse, robbery, kidnapping, murder, fraud? All the protagonists here have character deviations from the beginning.
Examples:

[1] - The Saga of Tanya the Evil; [2] – Overlord; [3] - Sekai Saikyou no Assassin, Isekai Kizoku ni Tensei Suru; [4] - Kage no Jitsuryokusha ni Naritakute; [5] - Meikyuu Black Company; [6] - Meccha Shoukan Sareta Ken; [7] - FFF-Class Trashero; [8] - Isekai Mokushiroku Mynoghra: Hametsu no Bunmei de Hajimeru Sekai Seifuku; [9] - Joou Heika no Isekai Strategy; [10] - Virus Tensei kara Hajimaru Isekai Kansen Monogatari; [11] - Nidome no Yuusha; [12] - Maou-sama, Retry!; [13] - Re:Monster; [14] - I Get Stronger the More I Eat; [15] - the main character is the villain (+18); [16] – The world that i rule (+18); [17] - I Am the Fated Villain; [18] - Master: This Villainous Disciple Is Not The Holy Child; [19] - Reverend Insanity; [20] - The Reborn Ranker Chronicles; [21] - How to Live as a Villain; [22] - Is This Hero for Real?; [23] - Regressor Instruction Manual; [24] - Reincarnation of the Veteran Soldier; [25] - Reverse Villain;

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PART 1 - START
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LAST UPDATED - 05 / 03 / 2024
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LINKS

Part 1 – https://www.reddit.com/Isekai/comments/1cga32j/list_i_have_distributed_all_the_isekais_i_have/
Part 2 – https://www.reddit.com/Isekai/comments/1cga4z3/list_i_have_distributed_all_the_isekais_i_have/
Part 3 – https://www.reddit.com/Isekai/comments/1cga7ta/list_i_have_distributed_all_the_isekais_i_have/

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Description: I created a categorization for isekais to help with organization and understanding how they are distributed. I usually make lists like this just for myself and save them in Excel. Now i also posting here as a contribution.
Just a few observations
A) - Romance: There is no category for romance, since the overwhelming majority of isekais with male protagonists and a good number of female protagonists have some degree of romance. The category would have so many items that it would lose its meaning.
B) - School/magic academy/nobles: there is no school category as it usually refers to an initial arc or training arc in which the protagonist prepares to face the main challenge that is already known or will be revealed during this arc. If the work is not canceled at the beginning, eventually the protagonists tend to leave the academy, so there is no reason to create a category of something that is temporary.
C) Primary/Secondary character: Another temporary feature. "Death flag"? "Otome Game"? "Estate developer"? "Noble with Appraisal skills"? Everyone knows that they will become the main characters of the plot eventually. The fact that they are secondary is just to give some development to the characters instead of starting OP or leading countries from the first chapter.
D) Summoned alone or with the class/group: Another temporary element since we know that right after the first chapters the protagonist will be discarded by the king/princess/group/goddess or will hide his status to escape the responsibility of killing the demon king or something like that. There are few cases that deviate from this rule (ironically "Loner Life in Another World" is one of these cases)
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Obs 1: Some titles is repeated along with some categories because they fit in more than one
Obs 2: Some new categories can be added. If you know a better way to organize the titles, please say something.
Obs 3: The list will be upgraded and updated according to my time and disposition.
Obs4: The fact some title is in the list doesnt mean that is good or even that i recommend it.
Obs 5: Most of them you will find on Mangadex / Manganelo which were used as main search sources.

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Lets begin
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1 - Mission Isekai: One of the categories best known by fans and most used by Japanese authors. When the protagonist is reincarnated, he has a mission defined by the narrative. Mangas are divided into six subcategories.

1.1 – Demon lord (and similar) Kill
Examples: [1] - Drawing: Saikyou Mangaka wa Oekaki Skill de Isekai Musou Suru!; [2] - The New Gate; [3] - Saihate no Paladin; [4] - Tenkuu no Escaflowne; [5] - Cautious Hero: The Hero is Overpowered but Overly Cautious; [6] – Konosuba; [7] - Mushoku Tensei ~Isekai Ittara Honki Dasu~; [8] - Kenja no Mago; [9] – Kiba; [10] - Hiroyuki: Invincible Pundit in Another World; [11] - Star Ocean (Anime); [12] - The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic; [13] - Shakkin Daiou wa Maou wo Taosu!; [14] - Isekai Mahou wa Okureteru!; [15] - Is This Hero for Real?; [16] - Maou to Yuusha no Tatakai no Ura de; [17] - Saikyou Ansatsusha, Class Ten'i de Isekai e; [18] - Isekai ni Ittara Bunretsu Shite Shimatta; [19] - Makikomarete Isekai Teni suru Yatsu wa, Taitei Cheat; [20] – MEMORIZE (time travel isekai); [21] - The King of Fantasy: Iori Yagami in another world ~Remember me when you look at the moon!~; [22] - I’m the Only One with Outstanding Cheats After My Class Got Transported to Another World?!; [23] - Fukushuu no Taishi - Level 9999 no Bakumatsu Isekai Tensei; [24] - Waga Homura ni Hirefuse Sekai; [25] - Eight Princes Go to the Teppen; [26] - Kanzen Kaihi Healer no Kiseki; [27] – BAKUEN; [28] - Summoned by Being Involved?! And I Was "God"??; [29] - Tensei Saki ga Zannen Ouji Datta Ken: Ima wa Fukkin 1-kai mo Dekinai kedo Yasete Isekai Sukuimasu; [30] - Mondaiji-tachi ga Isekai Kara Kuru Sou Desu yo?; [31] - Starvation and Reincarnation; [32] - Hell Mode: Yarikomi Suki no Gamer wa Hai Settei no Isekai de Musou Suru;
1.2 – Come back home
Examples: [1] - Leveling Up My Isekai’d Abs; [2] – Endride; [3] - Lupin III: Neighbor World Princess; [4] - Jigokuren ~Love in Hell~; [5] - The World After the Fall; [6] - Afterlife - Cerulea District;
1.3 – Save the Family/lovefriend
Examples: [1] - Re: ZERO- Starting Life in Another World; [2] - Final Fantasy: Lost Stranger; [3] - Golden Mage; [4] - Super String: Marco Polo’s Travel to the Multiverse (Webtoon); [5] - Monster Paradise; [6] - Fuun Kara no Saikyou Otoko; [7] - Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle; [8] - Worthless Regression; [9] - Dragon Ball Gaiden: That Time I Got Reincarnated as Yamcha!;
1.4 – Save the world/country/kingdom
Examples: [1] - NEET dakedo Hello Work ni Ittara Isekai ni Tsuretekareta; [2] - The Rising of the Shield Hero; [3] - Time Stop Brave; [4] - Naze Boku no Sekai wo Daremo Oboeteinai no ka?; [5] - I Became the Crazy Emperor; [6] - Ni no Kuni: The Successor of Light and the Cat Prince; [7] - Chouetsu-sha To Natta Ossan wa My Pace ni Isekai wo Sansaku Suru; [8] - Isekai Henshuusha; [9] - Genius Corpse-Collecting Warrior; [10] - I Killed the Player of the Academy; [11] - Monster Rancher; [12] - Strange Dawn; [13] - Dog Days; [14] - Magic Knight Rayearth; [12] - Ixion Saga DT; [13] - Her Summon; [14] - Shinka Tokusei de Saikyou Necromancer; [15] - Demon King Is a Hero; [16] - Deathdeus: Hero of the Dead; [17] - Save The World, Uncle!; [18] - 12 Beast; [19] - Suuji de Sukuu! Jyakushou Kokka;
1.5 – Remove a disease/curse
Examples: [1] - How To Survive As A Dragon With Time-Limit; [2] - Secretly More Powerful than the Hero; [3] - Time-Limited Genius Dark Knight; [4] - I Became a Terminally-Ill Knight;
1.6 – Become or help the Demon King
Examples: [1] - The Demon King Diaries; [2] - Maou to Ore no Hangyakuki; [3] - Horobi no Kuni no Seifukusha; [4] - Hyakuma no Aruji; [5] - Maou Reijou no Shikousha; [6] - Isekai de Item Collector; [7] - Yuusha Party wo Tsuihou sareta node, Maou wo Torikaeshi ga Tsukanai hodo Tsuyoku Sodatetemita;

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2 – Survival Isekai: There’s no mission, no king, no princess, you were released somewhere and need to survive and to adapt to the harsh world around or find a way to go back. Could have some waifus or even harem after sometime;

Examples: [1] - Become The Lord Of Cthulhu; [2] - Isekai Yurutto Survival Seikatsu; [3] - It All Starts With A Group Of Primitive People; [4] - Karate Survivor in Another World; [5] - Meikyuu Metro; [6] - Meikyuu Kingdom: Damu Tokushu Butai SAS no Ossan no Isekai Dungeon Survival Manual; [7] - Isekai ni Tobasareta Ossan wa Doko e Iku?; [8] - Now And Then, Here And There; [9] - Grimgar: Ashes And Illusions; [10] - Urasekai Picnic; [11] - I’m Standing On A Million Lives; [12] - Dungeon Seeker; [13] - Human Ranch; [14] - Sousei no Taiga; [15] - Kyosei Tensei; [16] - Escape From Another World; [17] - Zenjikuu Senbatsu Saijaku Saiteihen Ketteisen; [17] - A Knight With A Time Limit; [18] - Ponkotsu ga Tensei Shitara Zongai Saikyou; [19] - Picked up From Another World; [20] - Dangerous Dungeon Escape; [21] - Youkoso Isekai e, dewa Shinde Kudasai (+18); [22] - The Unexpectedly Strong Knight in the Elf’s Arena; [23] - Primal Hunter; [24] - Humanity's Salvation Game; [25] - I Woke Up as the Villain; [26] - Bliss In Another World; [27] - Sonny Boy; [28] - The Disciple of Lich; [29] - Soul Of Burning Steel; [30] - I Became the Tyrant of a Defense Game; [31] - Plainwalker of the Stigma; [32] – Etrangere; [33] - Mizu Zokusei no Mahoutsukai; [34] - Gendai no Saikyou Heishi, Isekai Dungeon o Kouryaku Suru; [35] - Alice in Borderland; [36] - Reincarnated With a Metal Bat ~Surviving the Monochrome Madness~; [37] - Fairy Tale Battle Royale; [38] - Zettai Kami no Yuugi; [39] - The Law of the Yama; [40] - Salaryman no Fushigi na Dungeon; [41] - Shintouki: Teogonia; [42] - Heterogenia Linguistico; [43] - Kurogane no Valhallian; [44] - See You Later, Fantasy World. We Hope That Tomorrow Comes Again.; [45] - A Girl's Prison in Another World; [46] - Isekai Drug - Yakugaku Chishiki de Monster Musume-tachi wo Toriko ni shite Nariagaru; [47] - Urban Legend Maker; [48] - The Road Of Karma;

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3 – War Isekai: MC is isekai’d in a world that is at war between 2 or more kingons/Countries/factions/races and should make part of it and try to survive. Its a requirement that the main plot should be around the war or political settings.

Examples: [1] - The Saga of Tanya the Evil; [2] – Gate; [3] - Lion Coeur Senki; [4] - The Twelve Kingdoms; [5] – Drifters; [6] – Kenja no Mago; [7] - Wortenia Senki; [8] - Record Of Highserk War; [9] - Tensei Kizoku, Kantei Skill de Nariagaru ~Jakushou Ryouchi o Uketsuida node, Yuushuu na Jinzai o Fuyashiteitara, Saikyou Ryouchi ni Natteta~; [10] - The Conquest Of The World Starts With The Civilization Of Ruin; [11] - Maoyuu Maou Yuusha; [12] - The Ambition of Oda Nobuna; [13] - Nidome no Jinsei wo Isekai de; [14] - Konjiki no Word Master; [15] - Isekai Nation Archimaira: The Weakest King and his Unparalleled Army; [16] - The Ideal Sponger Life; [17] - Shinpi no Sekai - El-Hazard; [18] - Tenchi Muyo! War on Geminar; [19] - Battle Girls - Time Paradox; [20] - Maou Gun Saikyou no Majutsushi wa Ningen data; [21] - Jinrou e no Tensei, Maou no Fukkan: Hajimari no Shou; [22] - Nigoru Hitomi de Nani wo Negau - Highserk Senki (Normal); [23] - Ijin Tensei - Gokoku Warfare; [24] - TS Eiseihei-san no Senjou Nikki; [25] - Heroic Chronicles of the Three Continents; [26] - Nihonkoku Shoukan; [27] - Tensei Shitara Heishi Datta?! - Akai Shinigami to Yobareta Otoko

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3 – Revenge Isekai: Your lover was taken away by some douche? The king banished you? Your childhood friend had mocked you and fired you from the S-ranked party? Someone killed your loved ones? Are the heroes pure trash? So your main goal is to take revenge on them? Here’s your place.

Examples: [1] – Kaifuku Jutsushi no Yarinaoshi; [2] – Arifureta Shokugyou de Sekai Saikyou; [3] - The Hero Who Seeks Revenge Shall Exterminate With Darkness; [4] - Nidome no Yuusha; [5] - Failure Frame: I Became the Strongest and Annihilated Everything with Low-Level Spells; [6] - Dungeon Seeker; [7] - Sairin Yuusha no Fukushuu Hanashi; [8] - Ryuusa no Ori; [9] - Nito no Taidana Isekai Shoukougun ~Saijaku Shoku "Healer" nano ni Saikyou wa Cheat desu ka?; [10] - Joou Heika no Isekai Strategy; [11] - Fukushuu Kansuisha no Jinsei Nishuume Isekaitan; [12] - Tensei Gotoki De Nigerareru To Demo, Niisan?; [13] - The Live; [14] - Garbage Brave; [15] - The Warrior Returns; [16] - Suterare Yuusha wa Kitakuchuu; [17] - I'm the Only One with a Failure of a Skill in Another World's Summoning Rebellion: Until the Weakest Skill [Absorption] Swallows Everything; [18] - Buta no fukushuu; [19] - Gensou Shinkou (normal); [20] - Wortenia Senki; [21] - Boku no Nakama wa Isekai Saikyo Undead; [22] - Meccha Shoukan Sareta Ken; [23] - JK Haru is a Sex Worker in Another World; [24] - Seirei Gensouki: Spirit Chronicles; [25] - Another World Munchkin; [26] - Genkai Level 1 Kara No Nariagari: Saijaku Level No Ore Ga Isekai Saikyou Ni Naru Made; [26] – Hero of the Rebellion: Use Your Skills to Control the Mind and Body of the Maddened Princess; [26] - My Lucky Encounter From the Game Turned Into Reality; [27] - Sokushi to Hametsu no Saijaku Majutsushi; [28] - Assassin de Aru Ore no Sutetasu ga Yuusha Yori mo Akiraka ni Tsuyoi Nodaga; [29] - Kuro no Maou; [30] - Transmigrating to the Otherworld Once More; [31] - Uchi no Ojou-sama no Hanashi wo Kiitekure: Akuyaku Reijou Kouryaku Kiroku;

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4 - City/Territory Building (and similar) Isekai - Other unsual trope where MC should start to create/recreate a village, city, kingdom. This is similar with some aspects included in "Slow life category" and "reincarnated as a monster" since some monster like MC tend to start to create villages, and the same goes for some slow life MCs.

Examples: [1] - It All Starts With A Group Of Primitive People; [2] - Isekai Apocalypse Mynoghra; [3] - Re:Monster; [4] - Reincarnated as a slime; [5] - Release that witch; [6] - Isekai Kenkokuki; [7] - Starting From Today I'll Work as a City Lord; [8] - I Won 4 Billion in a Lottery But I Went to Another World; [9] - Inaka no Home Center Otoko no Jiyuu na Isekai Seikatsu; [10] - How a Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom; [11] - A Cave King’s Road to Paradise: Climbing to the Top with My Almighty Mining Skills!; [12] - The Death Mage; [13] - Tenkuu no Shiro wo Moratta no de Isekai de Tanoshiku Asobitai; [14] - Santairiku Eiyuuki; [15] - The Legendary Rebuilding of a World by a Realist Demon King; [16] - The Amazing Village Creator: Slow Living with the Village Building Cheat Skill; [17] - Easygoing Territory Defense by the Optimistic Lord: Production Magic Turns a Nameless Village into the Strongest Fortified City; [18] - Tsuki ga Michibiku Isekai Douchuu; [20] - Hachinan tte, Sore wa Nai Deshou!; [21] - Choujin Koukousei-tachi wa Isekai demo Yoyuu de Ikinuku you desu!; [22] - Ride-on King (Putin MC); [23] - I am the village chief of a primitive society; [24] - Shokubutsu Mahou Chito de Nonbiri Ryoshu Seikatsu Hajimemasu Zense no Chishiki o Kushi Shite Nogyo Shitara, Gyakuten Jinsei Hajimatta Kudan; [25] - Tenohira Kaitaku Mura de Isekai Kenkokuki: Fueteku Yome-tachi to Nonbiri Mujintou Life; [26] - This Hero is a Money Supremacist; [27] - The Master of Ragnarok & Blesser of Einherjar; [28] - I Can Summon God; [29] - Tensei Ryoushu no Yuuryou Kaitaku: Zense no Kioku o Ikashite White ni Tsutometara, Yuunou na Jinzai ga Atsumari Sugimashita; [30] - Isekai Yururi Camp; [31] - Ester de Valonia; [32] - Lord of Goblins; [33] - I Am the Strongest Lord in Another World; [34] - Ore dake Level ga Agaru Sekai de Akutoku Ryoushu ni Natteita; [35] - I Was Banished to a Desolate Region Because of the Faulty Attribute Earth Magic, so I’m Going to Put in my All to Develop my Territory!; [36] - The Reincarnated Noble Who Was Exiled, Uses a Useless Skill to Rule Over Domestic Affairs~ Was Supposed to Run the Territory Freely, but Thanks to the Skill "Gacha", Ended Up Creating the Strongest Territory~; [37] - Level 99 Boukensha ni Yoru Hajimete no Ryouchi Keiei; [38] - The Reincarnated Prince Becomes an Alchemist and Brings Prosperity to His Country; [39] - The Sword of Dawn; [40] - Hazure Zokusei Tsuchi Mahou no Sei de Henkyou ni Tsuihousareta no de, Gangan Ryouchi Kaitakushimasu!;

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5 - Dungeon MasteBuild Isekai: there’s not a mission to complete, nor a goal to achieve, but MC is obligated to kill/expel adventures and improve the dungeon power to be alive, otherwise if dont the dungeon core is destroyed they die. So fighting is not a option.
Examples:

[1] - Maou-sama no Machizukuri! ~Saikyou no Dungeon wa Kindai Toshi~; [2] - Lazy Dungeon Master; [3] - Meikyuu Gurashi no Boukensha wa Dungeon Master wo Yametai; [4] - Maou ni Natta node, Dungeon Tsukutte Jingai Musume to Honobono suru; [5] - Tou no Kanri o Shite Miyou; [6] - Hisshou Dungeon Unei Houhou; [7] - The Dungeon Master; [8] - Ari no Su Dungeon e Youkoso!; [9] - Wicked Trapper: Hunter of Heroes; [10] - I Became A Ceo In The Other World; [11] - A Different World Dungeon Created With A Servant; [12] - From Cursed House to Isekai Dungeon;

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6 - Battleroyalle Isekai: A kind of isekai where people from different times in story or worlds are summoned in another world (could be summoned to ours so is a reverse) to fight between them, or MC should kill their isekai'd collegues for some reason (usually because they’re evil).
Examples:

[1] – Drifter; [2] - Isekai Battle Royale; [3] - Fate series (Reverse); [4] - Dungeon Battle Royale; [5] - Ore dake Fuguu Skill no Isekai Shoukan Hangyakuki ~Saijaku Skill "Kyuushuu" ga Subete o Nomikomu made~; [6] - Kyuushuu ga Subete o Nomikomu made~; [7] - Deck Hitotsu de Isekai Tanbou; [8] – Versus; [9] - Hell-mode; [10] - Tsuki ga Michibiku Isekai Douchuu; [11] - Monster no Goshujin-sama; [12] - Buta No Fukushuu; [13] - Konjiki no Word Master; [14] - Isekai Apocalypse Mynoghra; [15] - Serial Killer Reincarnated In Another World; [16] - The World's Finest Assassin Gets Reincarnated in Another World (sorry it was a spoiler); [17] - Sekai Saikyou no Kouei: Meikyuukoku no Shinjin Tansakusha; [18] - Bokura no Sentaku; [19] - How to Live as a Villain; [20] - The Invincible Summoner Who Crawled Up from Level 1; [21] - Isekai Yuusha no Satsujin Yuugi; [22] - Tensei Shitara Warui Kuni no Musume Deshita; [23] - Isekaigaeri no Moto Yuusha Desuga, Death Game ni Makikomare Mashita; [24] - The Survival Story of the Sword King in Another World;

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7 – MC/FMC its not the Isekai’d: A rare type of story which the MC is not a isekai'd person but a people from the fantasy world that have live with or face the effects of the isekai'd people.
Examples:

[1] - Hero's Party Want to Experience LOVE; [2] - The Misfortunes of Local Knight Hans; [3] - The Executioner and Her Way of Life; [4] - Darenidemo Dekiru Kage Kara Tasukeru Mao Tobatsu; [5] - Sono Mono. Nochi ni... ~Kigatsuitara S-kyuu Saikyou!? Yuusha Wazu no Daibouken~ (It was a spoiler, im sorry); [6] - Daikenja no Manadeshi ~Bougyo Mahou no Susume~@COMIC; [7] - Isekai Tenseisha Koroshi – Cheat Slayer (Axed); [8] - Yakusai no Moushigo to Seijo no Meikyuu; [9] - Everyone Is from Another World, Except Me!?; [10] - The Only "R" in the world; [11] - Yakudatazu to Iware Yuusha Party o Tsuihou Sareta Ore, Saikyou Skill Jakuten Kanpa ga Kakusei Shimashita; [12] - Cheat Eater Isekai Shoukan Kotogotoku Horobubeshi; [13] - The White Mage Doesn't Want to Raise the Hero's Level; [14] - A Ruined Princess and a Different World's Hero Make a Great Country! [15] - MamaYuyu (reverse);

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8 - Reverse Isekai: commom isekai trope where MC or main character is from another world and should live and adapt to our world rules.
Examples:

[1] - Tanken Hakken Boku no Isekai Elf-san; [2] - Henjin no Salad Bowl (Not MC); [3] - Suisei no Gargantia (MC); [4] - Mage again (MC); [5] - Otaku Elf (Not FMC); [6] - Dead Mount Death Play (MC); [7] - The Devil Is A Part-Timer! (MC); [8] - Paripi Koumei (MC); [9] - Re:Creators (not MC); [10] - Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid (not FMC); [11] - Hinamatsuri (Not MC); [12] - Monster Musume (not MC); [13] - Welcome to Japan, Elf-san! (not MC); [14] - Orenchi ni Kita Onna Kishi to Inakagurashi Surukotoninatta Ken (not MC); [15] - Isekai Kaeri no Daikenja-sama wa Sore Demo Kossori Kurashite Iru Tsumori desu (MC); [16] - Oh, My Sweet Alien! (not MC); [17] - Cultivator VS Hero Society (MC); [18] - Gabriel Dropout; [19] - The Strongest Angel Evolutionary Tale; [20] - Kanan-Sama Is Easy As Hell!; [21] - Gyaku Isekai Tensei Shite Kimowota Ni Natte Shimatta Dai Majutsushi Delray Curtis No Fujourina Nichijou (MC); [22] - Moteharune, Ashiya-Kun (not MC); [23] - An Evil Dragon That Was Sealed Away for 300 Years Became My Friend (Not MC); [24] – Meet Me Today (Not MC); [25] – Debby The Corsifa (not MC); [26] - Elf-san wa Yaserarenai; [27] - Isekai Kara Kita Elf to Tomo ni Sugosu Nichijou; [28] – Isekai no Hime; [29] – Konchuki; [30] – Otome no Harawata; [31] - Living in a single room with a Saintess; [32] - Sora-sama Wants to be Satisfied!; [33] - Succubus-Sensei To Yobanaide; [34] – Superball Girls (Alien?); [35] - Elf wa Yoru wo Omachikane; [36] - The Heavenly Demon Lord Who Doesn't Want To Level Up; [37] - Trinity Wonder; [37] - My Dad Is Too Strong; [38] - Otaku no Tonari wa ERUFU Desuka?; [39] - The Strongest Angel Evolutionary Tale; [40] - Descent of the Predecessor; [41] - Dogs and Heroes Don't Dress Up; [42] - Worldly Warrior; [43] - Isekai kara Elf-san ga Ochite Kita no desu ga!? (not MC); [43] - Delivery Man From Murim; [44] - Omniscient Immortal Cultivator; [45] - Yojouhan Isekai Kouryuuki; [46] - Mujintou de Elf to Kyoudou Seikatsu; [47] - Isekai kara no Kigyou Shinshutsu?! (r); [48] - I'm the Hero, But the Demon Lord's Also Me; [49] - Seoul Station Druid; [50] - Jinrui O Metsubou Sasete Wa Ikemasen (not MC); [51] - The Max Level Returner; [52] - Hoarding in Hell; [53] - Isekai Nihon; [54] - Doragon Yashinatte Kudasai (not MC); [55] - Mark Of The Succubus; [56] - Tensei Yuusha wa Joshikousei!?: Maou no Dekiai ni Komattemasu; [57] - The Knight King Who Returned with a God; [58] - What Do You Do If the Heroine Escapes From Your Novel; [59] - Elf ga Joou-sama (ecchi); [60] - Why not go to JUSCO with me, Valkyrie?; [61] - The Divine Twilight's Return; [62] - Isekai Shoukan-sareta ga Kyousei Soukan-sareta Ore ha shikatanaku yaseru koto ni shita; [63] - Chotto Dake ai ga Omoi Dark Elf ga Isekai Kara Oikakete Kita; [64] - Ubau Mono Ubawareru Mono; [65] - Sweets, Elf, And A High School Girl;

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9 - Portal Isekai: Uncommon isekai where people is not isekai'd by some god or similar but they have the possibility to go to another world and come back.
Example:

[1] – Gate; [2] - Outbreak Company; [3] - Become the Castellan in Another World; [4] - Saving 80,000 Gold in Another World for My Retirement; [5] - Isekai de Cheat Skill wo Te ni Shita Ore wa, Genjitsu Sekai wo mo Musou Suru ~Level Up wa Jinsei wo Kaeta~; [6] - Tokyo Isekai Fudousan; [7] - Monster Musume; [8] - Sen no SKILL o Motsu Otoko Isekai de Shoukan Kemono Hajimemashita!; [9] - I’m Standing On A Million Lives; [10] - Urasekai Picnic; [11] – Rokumon Tengai Moncolle Knights; [12] - Itsudemo Jitaku Ni Kaereru Ore Wa, Isekai De Gyoushounin O Hajimemashita; [11] - Dawn Empire; [12] - Dimensional Mercenary; [13] - Healing life through camping in another world; [14] - Infinity Mailman; [15] - After School Labyrinth Adventurer ~ I'm now able to go back and forth between Japan and another world, and I'll work hard to level up~; [16] - Murim Login; [17] - Pastoral Battle Hymn: Pioneer in the Fantasy Realm; [18] - Houkago no Isekai Boukenbu; [19] - 6-gou Keibi; [20] - Freeter ga Jimini Isekai Teni Suru Manga;

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10 - Semi-Isekai: The people is a isekai'd but have no memory of his pasto r even his/her soul remain more as a alter ego to the MC/FMC than a real person. So we have at least 2 souls sharing the same body with the fantasy people being dominant most of time and using the knowledge, tips and powers of the isekai'd one.
Examples:

[1] - Saijaku Tamer wa Gomi Hiroi no Tabi wo Hajimemashita; [2] - Isekai Tensei Soudouki; [3] - Record of Highserk War (soldier with some memory of previous life); [4] - Mysterious Job Called Oda Nobunaga (The Isekai’d became a class system that helps MC); [5] - Gamer ga Isekai Konten Shite Harem Jinsei e Continue suru Sou desu; [6] - Kuro no Shoukanshi; [7] - Hoshikiri no Kenshi; [8] - After Transformation, Mine and Her Wild Fantasy; [9] - Shikkaku kara Hajimeru Nariagari Madou Shidou!; [10] - Carve the Different World with Control Magic!; [11] - Final Boss Fake-out: The Protagonist Thinks She Killed Me So Now I'm Free!; [12] - Nidome no Jinsei wo Isekai de; [13] - Dare ga Yonda no!? ~Isekai to Game-dzukuri to Recruit Shoukan~; [14] - Seirei Gensouki ~Konna Sekai de Deaeta Kimi ni~;

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11 - Switch place Isekai: Extremely rare isekai because MC is isekai'd but end up taking the role of somebody else importante or had taken yours in the story.
Examples:

[1] - Grandpa is Summoned (took grandson place); [2] – Yuusha Shoukan (end up taking the hero’s place); [3] - The Undetectable Strongest Job: Rule Breaker; [4] - Ore ni wa Kono Kuragari ga Kokochiyo Katta: Zetsubou kara Hajimaru Isekai Seikatsu, Kami no Kimagure de Kyousei Haishinchuu; [5] - Taikoku Cheat nara Isekai Seifuku mo Rakushou desu yo? (normal); [6] - Ma O Eru!;

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12 – Double Isekai – Rare anime/manga that have both isekai and reverse isekai as characteristics. In another words, there are people from another world in Earth/MC world and also the MC travel to another world. Its not a requisite that the “isekai” element should happen at same time.
Examples:

[1] – Sasaki to Pi Chan; [2] – DBZ; [3] – Tenchi Muyo; [4] – What Do You Do When You Suddenly Become an Immortal?"; [5] - Arata Kangatari; [6] - Girls Bravo; [7] - Middle-aged Businessman, Arise in Another World!; [8] - Goodbye! Isekai Tensei;

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13 - Non Human Isekai: commom plot where the MC/FMC is isekai'd as a monster, demon, goblin or similar. Also its commom to acquire a lot of skills and end up building a community, village, city, country and tend to stablish some kind of relations with humans.
Exampless:

[1] - Re:Monster (Goblin first); [2] - Tensei Shitara (Slime); [3] - Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka? (Spider); [4] - Tensei Goblin dakedo Shitsumon aru? (Goblin); [5] – Overlord (Skeleton); [6] - Virus Tensei kara Hajimaru Isekai Kansen Monogatari (Virus); [7] - Shokubutsu Monster Musume Nikki; [8] - Spirit Migration (Spirit); [9] - Tensei Kyuuketsuki-San wa Ohirune ga Shitai (Loli vampire); [10] - Tensei Shitara Kozakana datta kedo Ryuu ni Nareru Rashii node Ganbarimasu (Fish); [11] - Surviving as a Fish; [12] - Jinrou e no Tensei, Maou no Fukukan: Shidou-hen" (Werewolf); [13] - Majutsu wo Kiwamete Tabi ni Deta Tensei Elf, Moteamashita Jumyou de Ikeru Densetsu to Naru (Ellf); [14] - Gaikotsu Kishi-sama, Tadaima Isekai e Odekake-chuu; [15] - I became an evolving space monster (fucking alien); [16] - Iseikai Tensei (Cyborg); [17] - Meiou-sama ga Tooru no desu yo! (Ghost); [18] - Isekai Maou to Shoukan Shoujo no Dorei Majutsu (Demon Lord); [19] - Tensei Shitara Akari dake ga Slime Datta Ken (Slime); [20] - Reborn As A Big Mouth Flower (Flower); [21] - Jaryuu Tensei; [22] - Reborn As A Monster; [23] – Huff; [24] - Tentacle Hole (tentacle monster); [24] – MOLLIE (mouse); [25] - An Odyssey Beyond Dimensions; [26] - The Story of a Cursed Armor (armor); [27] - Despite Being Summoned as a Demon, I Still Need to Practice Chinese Medicine (zombie); [28] - Androids Have No Blood; [29] - Turned Into a Grass in the Fantasy World (grass); [30] - Kemonomimi Loli Yuusha wa Ecchi na Shuusei ni Komatteiru (magic creature); [31] - Evolution Begins With a Big Tree (tree); [32] - Kuroneko Nyango no Bouken ~ Rare Zokusei o Hikiatetanode, Kimamana Bouken-sha o Mezashimasu ~ (cat boy); [33] - What Do I Do?! I Have Transmigrated Into the Weakest Little Monster (skeleton); [34] - Shokubutsu Monster Musume Nikki ~Seijo datta Watashi ga Uragireta Hate ni Aruraune ni Tensei Shite Shimatta node, kore kara wa Kougousei wo Shinagara Shizuka ni Shoukubutsu Life ni Sugoshimasu~ (plant monster); [35] - Isekai Sniper wa Onna Senshi no Mofumofu Aigan Doubutsu (furry); [36] - The Princess Has a Rosy Dream (vampire loli);

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14 - Animal Isekai: MC/FMC is isekai'd as a commom beast in that world, without using Power most of the time, and live as a pet or guardian from someone or some ; people and only use his/her power to protect or help its master:
Exampless:

[1] - Tensei shitara Dragon no Tamago datta: Ibara no Dragon Road; (Dragon); [2] - Shirokuma Tensei: Mori no Shugoshin ni Natta zo Densetsu (Polar Bear); [3] - S-Rank Monster no "Behemoth" dakedo, Neko to Machigawarete Elf Musume no Pet toshite Kurashitemasu (OP cat/behemoth); [4] - Wanwan Monogatari ~Kanemochi no Inu n shite to wa Itta ga, Fenrir ni shiro to wa Itte nee!~ (Fenrir); [5] - "Buta no Liver wa Kanetsu Shiro" (Pig); [6] - Reborn as a Phoenix: A Normal Bird Can't Beat a Dragon, Right? (Phoenix); [7] - Reborn as a Squid; [8] - I Was Reincarnated As A Baby Fox God; [9] - Isekai Cat and Grumpy Witch (cat); [10] - Neko no Inai Isekai ni Neko ga Tensei Shichatta Ohanashi; [11] - Saikyou no Mamono ni Narumichi wo Tadoru Ore, Isekaijuu de Zamaa wo Shikkou suru (dragon); [12] - Fenrir ni Tensei shita Hazu ga Dou Mitemo Shiba Inu - Shiba Inu (Saikyou) ni Natta Ore, Mofumofu sare Nagara Kami e to Nariagaru (dog);

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15 – Made an Object Isekai: Uncommom isekai where MC/FMC is isekai'd as a Object and used by other people from fantasy world:
Examples:

[1] - Tensei Shitara Ken Deshita (Sword); [2] - Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta Ore wa Meikyuu wo Samayou (Vending Machine); [3] - Zassou Tensei: Elf no Sato de Taisetsu ni Sodateraretemasu (Plant); [4] - Ringo Tensei: Kindan no Kajitsu wa Kyou mo Korokoro to Musou suru (Apple); [5] - Shinjou Saikyou no Dai Kenja, Tensei-saki ga Nuigurumi demo Saikyou deshita (Stuffed animal); [6] - "Unparalleled Path - Reincarnated as the AI for a Space Battleship (AI/Spaceship); [7] - Isekai de Saikyou no Tsue ni Tensei shita Ore ga Iyagaru Shoujo wo Muriyari Mahou Shoujo ni P suru! (magical wand);

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