I know we weren't on speaking terms when you passed, but I've missed you sorely since. Albeit conflictedly. In a way, I'm almost glad you weren't here to see most of the family join you, though I think you would've made it easier on the rest of us. I miss your bear hugs. I quote you all the time.
So. The cat you fought mom for me to keep recently got diagnosed with cancer. I think she's mostly been nice to him out of a sense of duty and knowing that's what you'd want and what you'd gotten him used to. I think he's kept her company , which is why I was happy to just visit. I know he's old, but it's hitting hard. I worry about her when she's all alone in that big drafty house.
And on that note, the neurologist appointments she's had to do since 2001? Well, they recently forwarded her to a neurosurgeon. But this time she doesn't have you. She's so scared and we're terrified right there with her.
I broke down to big bro, the other day. He said he thought I was dealing with it well cause I'd somehow managed to keep it reined in around mom, but the truth is I haven't slept since, and now we're changing all my meds again (btw, dad, I've ADHD and cyclothymia, amongst the stuff you already knew about - the new meds have helped). He was driving me to the bus station as I sobbed and he couldn't hug me.
I told him we've lost so many people and he said that's just growing old. I said I was scared. He is too. And then he said: "if that was here there'd be no waffling, he'd already have booked tickets and theyd be at a world specialist in a week." And that's true, isn't it? That's how it went before. I wish you were here to make her feel safe and to push her in ways we just cannot. I wish I had a hug.

Me (23F) and my boyfriend (27M) have had quite the untraditional relationship from its very start and I think it's starting to show in the form of resentment.
I want to preface this by saying this is my first Reddit post so please bear with me and any mistakes I may make in creating this post.
Anyway, my boyfriend and I met a 2.5 years ago on a dating app in November of 2021 and had four wonderful months together before he landed his first job fresh out of college with no consideration as to how it would affect our relationship or how I would feel about it. Upon hire, this job told him he would be working 2 weeks on with 2 weeks off and so on. Ever since the start he was always gone for a minimum of a month at a time with not even a week off between hitches. This severely limited our time to grow together as a new couple. At first, I was okay with it, ever happy for him, but as time progressed I quickly became lonely. I expressed this to him for many months but he never had the courage to confront his boss about their original agreement and how it had never been upheld. I should also mention that this job required him to work 6pm-6am 7 days a week. I usually worked 6am- 2pm while going to school and even after I graduated college. That being said, we rarely ever got to talk while he was away because one of us would be sleeping while the other working.
He lived in a small house by himself at this time and had no roommates. I had my own apartment just a couple minutes down the road. Because of him being gone all the time, I offered to start checking up on the house during the summer (2022) while he was away to make sure it was being maintained and not broken into or anything. Me, being the person I am, couldn't help but see the grass overgrown, the house dirty, etc., and not do anything about it. So, as a loving girlfriend, I would do a great amount of work maintaining the house in his absence. I even went above and beyond one week and spent 10+ hours a day deep-cleaning the house from top to bottom as he and his roommates had left it quite filthy, if you can imagine with it being a boys' college house. (Yes, I know that sounds crazy but part of me was hoping one day I would live there and couldn't imagine doing so in the condition it was in.)
Fast forward to December of 2022, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. He still had the same job which had put a huge strain on our relationship, but part of me hoped this would help put us back on track.
I moved in, of course, and things progressively got worse. I finally told him I couldn't stay with someone who was never even around to be with and he finally got a new job this last March (2024). This job was supposed to be remote with him going out in the field 5% of the time and always having weekends off. This was great until the job started running out of work for him. They started offering to send him away to other states like his old job did for work only this time he wouldn't tell me until a day or two in advance and I'm never sure when he'll be back. Going on these trips also aren't a requirement for him but rather ensure he gets a minimum of 40 hours a week.
Fast forward to now, over a year later, and I feel stuck. I have told him time and time again that I can't keep living in this house like a live-in maid. We split all the bills equally and yet he's the one always away only ever working while I'm working full-time, taking care of our 4 pets, maintaining the house (cleaning, yard maintenance, fixing all the broken things that come with an old house, making improvements, etc) and always having so much weight on my shoulders that prevent me from being able to ever sit down and relax or have time to myself.
To top things off, I recently lost my grandmother, my dad has been in and out of the hospital, and I got a new job that I have no experience for so it's ALL brand new to me and a lot to learn. Needless to say, my plate is always full while he just has to wake up, go to work, go to bed, repeat. And when he comes home he does next to nothing. I have to beg him to help me with things around the house or to fix things and even then it rarely ever happens.
Intimacy in our relationship is next to nonexistent, he forgot my birthday last year, never shows affection, or does small things for me like buy me flowers or things to show his love for me, etc. I feel like I'm dating a ghost that I no longer have any attraction towards and am even building resentment for.
So, in a long-winded way, what do I do? I need help or advice as to what I should do. I feel stuck but can't move out because it's too expensive and there are no places available to rent within my budget that allow pets. I thought about moving back home temporarily but I JUST started this new job a month ago. Part of me wants to make it work, but part of me doesn't and I am tired of wrestling with myself for the last year. So, I need your guys' thoughts on my situation.
Comment any questions and I will do my best to answer them. Thanks in advance :)

I currently (40M) had my ex (35F) completely destroy our relationship while I was working out of town for a few months. This happened a year ago and wish I had these stories as a resource while going through it. I have just started to use Reddit and been reading the experiences of others here and have decided to share my story in hopes it will maybe help others. That way some good may come from some of the worst times of my life.
A little backstory for context for the story and insight to some of the decisions I made. When I turned 30 I left the major city in my Province (it is like a state if you are an American) because buying just a simple house is over a million dollars and I don't make near enough to afford that. My goal was to move to somewhere more rural to buy a house, meet someone, get married and have a child or two. It was my only dream I had and believed I could attain it. I lived out in the bush on my step dads property in a run down trailer I bought so I could save money for the first 3 years. I had my dog but the loneliness of living in the middle of nowhere had got to me. By then I had saved a fair amount of money, so I decided to move into the town. It was nice, it cut my commute down by 40 minutes, I had started to make a few friends and no longer felt so isolated. It was through my friends I met my future ex. Let's call her Kali. She had a long term boyfriend when we first met. Their relationship ended a couple of years after meeting her and we started dating a few months after.
We mostly had a great relationship for the next 4 years. The only thing was it was on again off again. She would dump me after I did anything really special for her for a week and beg me to take her back. It was like clockwork. I used to think it was because of her depression and that she didn't believe she deserved to be truly happy. Nowadays I actually think she might have been cheating the whole time and just felt guilty about it when I did nice stuff for her but I will never know the truth. I don't care what the reality is anymore anyway, Time has a funny way of making stuff like that irrelevant. We did have one bigger break of about 5 months. When it happened I took time off work to travel in my RV the whole time. From spring to summer. I really didn't like the town I lived in and decided to use that time to check out the rest of my Provence to figure out where I wanted to restart my life. She was basically the only reason I stayed for so long. I did have a decent job and family close by but most people I met there were not good people. Lots of drug users, liars, and general scumbags. I had only a few real friends there. After I got back and had decided where I was going to move to she had decided she wanted me back. She begged me to stay and be with her. She told me that she wanted to get serious. We started making real progress about getting married, having kids and looking at buying a house. Everything was coming up Milhouse and I couldn't be happier. So You can probably guess this is when my tale becomes interesting for you and life got real bad for me.
My career is seasonal. I work from spring to the end of fall and can go on unemployment insurance or find work. My dad had asked if I could help on his farm breeding horses that winter when I had still planned to leave my town. I had promised him that I would because it would give me a place to stay before people in my field of work would be looking for employees. This had been agreed upon before me and Kali had got back together. Now I have always been a man of my word. It's something I take great pride in. I have always hated liars. I don't mind a little embellishment to make a story more fun or if two people's stories are different as long as they both believe that was how the events happened. Everyone remembers things slightly off. She was upset that I had intended to keep my word to my dad but I had every second weekend off. The town my dad is in was only a 2 hour drive. So I told her I would be back twice monthly for weekends and that it would only be for 4 months. For the first two months everything seemed fine. During this time I started to look at rings to pop the question and booked an expensive spa for two days in May to propose. There was only one weird thing that happened during the first two months. On one of my visits she confided in me that her brother's wife had cheated on him and that their newborn baby was most likely not his. I was shocked that she not only knew but didn't plan to tell him. She said she didn't want to tell him for fear of breaking up the family. I told her that he has the right to know and that she was being a bad sister by knowing and not telling him. I also informed her if he found out she knew and didn't say anything that he would most likely kick her out of his life. She made me swear I wouldn't tell him. Even though I thought it was wrong I did agree to not say anything. It did get me wondering how she could not only not tell him but stay friends with someone that could do that to her brother. I think that's when I started to question her morals. The third month she asked that I didn't come out because she was "sick". I told her I didn't care, I could still come out and take care of her. She convinced me that she didn't want me to come so I just worked on the farm instead. I switched weekends so I could come out the next instead of in two weekends. The weekend she was "sick" her phone was off the whole time, lasting into the week. She told me her phone went through the washing machine. She was actually on a bender but I didn't learn that till later.
So I head out the following weekend. As soon as I arrive I start getting super sketchy vibes. I was already weirded out about the stuff with her brother and ghosting me for 4 days as we talked/texted multiple times a day normally. At first she acts great to me, cooks me steak and we go out to the bush to have a fire in the snow. At the fire she really started drinking heavily. She then mentions a guy she had been hanging with lets call him Brad. So alarm bells start going through my head. We go back to her house and she keeps drinking. I wanted to keep a clear head so I only had three beers all evening. She put her phone down unlocked because of how drunk she was and I took it to the bathroom with me to look up texts between them. I felt so guilty for doing it at first but once I see the text between the two of them the guilt is replaced with rage. I go to her room to confront her and she breaks down. First, how dare I go through her phone, this never would have happened if I would have broken my promise to my dad, nothing really happened between them, blah, blah, blah. I was furious and drove off. She blows up my phone the whole time. I don't answer. Ten minutes after I left her mother called me. She lives at her moms house. I took the call and her mom said she is freaking out and has harmed herself. I decide to go back and she has a bandage wrapped around her arm. Her mom hid all the sharp objects she could find. She was having a full on panic attack and begs me to not leave. I told her I would stay if she told me the truth. She admits to hooking up with him one time just that last weekend when she asked me not to come out. It kind of matches the messages and I believe her. I stay there till she falls asleep. Once she does I send Brad a text saying that she has a boyfriend with some screen shots of our conversations me and her have had that week. I was about to drive back to the farm when the dude called her phone. I pick up the call and tell him I am her boyfriend. He asks if that was a joke and I assure him it is not. He said he didn't know and actually apologized. I tell him that I'm pissed but if he didn't know I couldn't blame him. I should have asked him more questions but I was tired, not thinking straight and just wanted to go back to the Farm even though it was two am by this point. I get home and crash. Turned my ringer off because I know once she wakes up she will start calling like crazy. After getting the horses in for the night I decided to look at my phone for the first time all day. Around thirty missed calls and a ton of texts. I decide I need another day before I talk to her. Now while the whole day all I can think about is that it was just one time, she seems to be genuinely remorseful about it, how I'm 39 and really want children before I get too old. I took a call from her the next day on Sunday in the morning. She is still wasted. She hadn't stopped drinking since I was there Friday. We talk and I tell her that I am really upset but am willing to give us another chance. I still was in love with her and wanted to have kids, get married and buy a house with her. It was the dream I felt I worked so hard for. She was so happy I took her back and swore to me nothing like this would ever happen again. Basically I was a fool lol.
So I decided on my next set of days off to borrow my stepdads summer home on the river so we can have the place to ourselves. I grab food that she loves so I can cook her dinner and try to make it very romantic. I want to rekindle my love with her so I wanted to go all out on an amazing weekend. I pick her up and she is already a little drunk. I kind of wanted to hang sober but I don't wanna mess up with her so don't say anything thinking we can do a sober day when I take her out to go shopping and dinner the next day. When we get there she gets hammered. Kali had brought a big of bottle fireball on top of a bunch of white claws. I again didn't really drink that night. Once she was drunk and tired I carried her to the bed. As Kali is in my arms she looks up at me and says in slurred words "I don't know why you even felt threatened by Joe" I ask "what did you just say?". "I don't know why you even felt threatened by Brad" she replied. I put her to bed and my mind starts racing. Now her ex before me has a really close name to the one she said first but I also know she has a friend named Joe I only met a couple of times. They were not close or even hung out but were more like acquaintances. I go in her purse to look at her phone again but the battery is dead and I can't find her charger. I have an Iphone so I can't charge it up to look. I didn't sleep that well that night with everything going on in my head. I woke up at 6 am to her being very loud on the phone. I went out to the living room and she had drank all the booze left over from the night before. I ask her who she was on the phone with and she tells me an uber to leave. I ask why is she going to leave? Kali tells me she is upset that I tried to get into her phone. Guess I didn't put it back in her purse. Must have been out of sorts and forgot. I tell her I can drive her once I go to the washroom and get some clothes on. I go to do that, come out of the washroom to see Kali has already left. She was so drunk that she had left half her stuff behind. I decided to have breakfast before bringing her stuff to her house. After breakfast I packed her stuff into my SUV and noticed it had snowed that night. I could see her footprints out into the driveway. While Dropping off her stuff I noticed there were no footprints leading to her house, so I tried calling Kali. No answer. I left her stuff in the snow and decided to drive by her brothers and sisters house to see if there were footprints going into any of their houses but there were none. I sent her a nasty text about knowing she didn't go home, to go be with Brad or Joe or whoever and never call me again. It was a lot more profane than that but that's the gist of it. Cleaned up the house my stepdad lent me and back off to the farm yet again. The next day she blows up my phone and again I wait another day to talk to her. She tells me that she went home but I know that can't be true from the snow, but she says I must have been mistaken. She apologizes for getting drunk and leavening and that she is going to stop drinking after her birthday in two weeks. She has rented a hotel in the town I'm in for her birthday and wants to spend it with me. I agree just because I have to know the truth and want to look at her phone to make sure I am not crazy. She had gaslit me to the point I was questioning what I saw with my own eyes. A couple of days later I decided to send Joe a message on Facebook to see if he would give me the truth. I get a text from her telling me not to bug her friend and that she is embarrassed. I apologize and tell her I am excited about her birthday soon.
The weekend of her birthday comes so I go to meet her at the hotel. She brought her sister and other friend along. It actually is a really fun time. The girls did coke the first night into the second evening. I don't really like it but I figured she can let loose especially if she is going to stop drinking after her birthday. I also knew by Saturday night that they would all crash hard so it would give me time to look at her phone so I could know the truth. As I mentioned the weekend was really fun so I felt bad about going into her phone yet again. I did it anyway and my whole world came crashing down. Now I figured that I would maybe see Brad or Joe texts and Facebook messages. Seemed like Brad was done but Joe and her were totally hooking up. I also found out that she had slept with 3 other guys. I also saw she was using coke all the time now. She did it maybe three times a year when we dated but now it was every weekend. It looked like she started using regularly right before I left for the farm. Joe helped get it for her too, out of all the guys he was the one she hung with the most. Turns out he was also a meth head who was trying to quit for her. She also went to his house the morning she left the other weekend to hook up and buy coke. I was floored. I just staired and took screen shots till the early morning. I decided I wasn't just going to dump her but I wanted to ruin her life not realizing she was already doing that all by herself but hindsight is 20 20. So I started coming up with a plan of what I was going to do. I woke up the next morning and acted like everything was fine and went back to the farm. I was still so upset and didn't want to harm myself or others so had a family friend take my firearms for a while. I don't think I would have used them on myself or others but I knew I wasn't thinking clearly and didn't want them in my house while I was like that.
I didn't have to see her till I moved back because the next set I had off I had tickets for a concert in the city I used to live in. During that time all I thought about was how I was going to do something to ruin her life. I came up with some small things but my main plan was to pretend like we were fine and ghost her when my contract was up with my boss next winter. I had promised him another year after kali and I had gotten back together. Just typing it out makes me look back and cringe that I was so crazy. When I went to the city for the concert I told my best friend, my brother and a few others my plan. No one liked it and thought I should just go no contact, cut her straight out of my life. That probably was the smart thing to do but emotion was clouding my judgement. Also you all would get this story. They even informed me that because I would be lying to her, that I would be compromising my morals and turning into a worse person they didn't recognize. I either didn't see it that way or care. I have a hard time recalling what my brain was thinking during that time. All seems like a haze now that it's been a year. I think I was really upset that my dream and all I had worked for was ruined. A friend later said I may have been in love with the dream and not her. Maybe that's the reason I kept up all this insanity.
My time on the farm had come to an end and I was moving back to the town me and my ex lived in. I was set with my plan, excited to implement it and have what I considered just. But you know what they say of the best laid plans. My ex wanted to go to hang at her brothers as a welcome home party. I went but ended up drinking. Heavily drinking, to the point of black out. I don't remember much from that night but have had it recounted for me. I woke up in the drunk tank. Guess I couldn't lie and play it cool then huh? The story I was told later is, while at her brothers I had gotten drunk and loud. Kept waking up the new baby and we were asked to leave. So we caught a cab and I confronted her in the cab but all I could do was call her a lying, cheating, whore on repeat. She got upset and ran into the house locking me out. I had a bunch of my stuff in her house so I went to the door and demanded she let me in. All the while still only referring to her as the aforementioned 3 words. She told me to leave but my jacket and wallet were inside. It was below freezing at night still and probably wouldn't have made it home in the state I was in. I then kicked in her door to keep calling her LCW and grab my stuff. She was on the phone to the police, so I was taken away by them. One of the lowest points in my life. It still brings me so much shame to this day but it is what happened and I am not going to sugar coat it. I never laid a finger on her and I am so happy that I hadn't. Laying hands on women in that way is one of the scummiest things a man can do. I had to go back to her house once they let me out because my stuff was still there. I apologized to her mom who had been at her boyfriends that evening promising to repair the door for her. Kali begged me to talk to her and like an idiot I didn't just leave. I told her I saw everything and she only admitted to Brad and Joe. Lying about them and the others the whole time. Even when I brought up the screen shots she still couldn't come clean. I left just shaking my head. There is still a ton to this story but this is long enough. I could do a part 2 if there is interest. Catching you folks up to where I am now and the messed up things that happened in between.

Yes, it’s exactly what you read in the title. I think I have feelings for guy I haven’t met in person. So, a few years ago, I matched with a guy on Tinder. He and I have been messaging each other for a few years on Snapchat until recently. He and I have each other’s social medias, but not one another’s phone numbers.
He and I are close in age,early twenties, and from the same state. He goes to a college a few states away, so we’ve never met in person or when he was back in the same state. In the beginning of the messaging, he and I were consistent with the back and forth. There was flirting, jokes,etc.There were some points where I was more into him and he was more into me, it seemed we were never on the same page. We shared deep personal conversations and light hearted funny conversations. I think he’s really handsome, funny, intelligent, and geeky. And so much more. When I realized my feelings were strong, I tried to make the first move and invite him to my birthday celebration, he respectfully declined and explained that he wouldn’t be able to make it . He had a valid reason, he’s extremely bright(Physics Major, like Math, but Rocket Science) and got into a lab in another state for the summer, great opportunity, so I was very happy for him.
I tried to keep conversations after the fact, but it seems like I just wasn’t clicking with him like I was before. Seems like I was forcing it, and it was very one-sided on my behalf. Having feelings for somebody and having them on all your social media isn’t fun seeing them have fun and just seeing them accomplished things it truly truly makes it harder to keep my feelings to myself. I’m happy for him, but it hurts because I want to be a person that he shares this with.
Me, being states away didn’t help anything it’s not like I would be able to see him or if we pushed the boundary into being something more it would work necessarily. I had hoped though after starting more conversations, yet getting the same results of it feeling like I was bothering him, I kinda just took a break from social media. It’s been roughly 2 months since we’ve spoken. To be honest with you, I think he just forgot about me. Understandably he went to a college that was hours away. He had his friends there. I think his final year of college was this year. He probably even graduated. Which means he’s coming back to our state, his birthday is coming up and I want to spark up conversation by telling him “Happy Birthday” and maybe confessing my feelings to him. If I can’t work up the confidence to confess my feelings, I think I should start by offering my number and seeing where it goes from there? Hopefully, meeting him in person!
He’s a great guy and if being his friend is all I’ll ever be. I’m OK with that. I like having him in my life. He talked me through a lot of things and hopefully it’s the same for him. Any advice?

This weekend, Ajax Budokan invited Kodokan 9th dan and former head of the Tokyo Police dojo, Michio Fukushima Sensei, to conduct a 4 hour clinic for Kodokan Goshin Jutsu. It was open to yellow belt and higher, though the majority consisted of Yudansha. My senseis had the honour of demoing the kata, as Fukushima Sensei's health did not permit presenting each technique multiple times, though he did show some of the finer details, demo mechanics, and gave comments as to what was good and displayed what could be fixed. He also talked about older versions of the techniques and how/ why they have been changed. Regretfully, it totally slipped my mind to film during the seminar, as there was a lot of good information, translated (and left untranslated) by the interpreter.
Some General Notes on Fukushima Sensei Fukushima Sensei on multiple occasions mentioned how one should carry themselves and move, more specifically he talked about how he usually sees toris get away with bad shisei as uke's attacks are generally to kind or passive, and that if they genuinely attacked, most toris would be off balance. Additionally he mentioned that a lot of IFJ competition now is power judo, where the technical aspects are replaced for brute force and speed.
The main note he makes is to keep the knees alive (slightly bent and bouncy like a spring), and that most novices have a tendency to straight leg their kata. He also made it a great point to explain the logic of the waza in the kata and how the kuzushi is created. Other important details he talked about were that uke shouldn't be a limp noodle once his attack is over, that tori should keep good sabaki (unclear if sabaki was short hand for tai sabaki as he also stated tai sabaki on different occasions (the details were paraphrased by the translator)), and the usage of rotation from the hips to maintain proper balance (tai sabaki). Additionally, he talked about things relating to karada (the body) and some anecdotes (such as stories about judoka such as Michigami, Isao Okano, and Nagaoka if I was hearing correctly, though I don't speak Japanese, only somewhat familiar with it), which were left untranslated or paraphrased sadly.
Emphasised details in the kata (not explanations or descriptions of how to do a technique) and my experiences (FYI Sensei mostly used the Tomiki names for the waza Tori applied)
Attacks when held

1. Ryote dori - my partner and I (both new to this kata for the most part) went in on this one and struggled as we didn't see the detail of thumb in hand for the lock (blind leading the blind, though we later worked near a kind pair after this who helped check more closely as they were experienced in the kata)
   1. Yahazu (hook shape for hand) is very important to direct uke's arm
   2. You aren't pulling the arm away to free it, you are pushing your elbow forward which pressures uke's arm
   3. Te gatana to the uto (point between uke's eyes)
   4. When applying the lock (te gatame), make sure to rotate uke's hand such that the fingers are pointing up
   5. When applying the lock, take the uke's arm in the direction perpendicular to the line made by his feet
2. Hidari eri dori - I particularly liked this one, though my uke was confused the first few times as he kept trying to apply waki gatame.
   1. Tori must grab underneath uke's hand on the lapel when stepping back
   2. When grabbing uke's hand to break the grip and apply the lock (kote hineri), tori should have his thumb in between uke's thumb and fingers, and to take the uke's arm in the direction perpendicular to the line made by his feet
   3. Uke should try to maintain jigo tai rather than lean so the lock is applied cleanly
   4. Tori's hand should not be limp when delivering the strike
3. Migi eri dori - I couldn't get kote gaeshi to work properly, will have to practice and ask my sensei about it later, same with my partner
   1. Tori should maintain a upright posture as uke pulls him forward, and use the landing of his foot to drive his hand for the uppercut to uke
   2. Tori should try to keep uke's hand attached to his centerline as he makes tai sabaki
4. Kata ude dori - My uke was very stiff, so applying the initial lock to him proved difficult, though he claims he felt it. I found this kata easy to remember as the legs go left right left right (step, step, tai sabaki, kick, then lead with the right for the lock)
   1. You are kicking with the side of the foot
   2. The step before the kick pivot around so your feet are almost parallel
   3. For waki gatame, you should be standing inside his feet, near parallel to the line perpendicular to his feet
5. Ushiro eri dori - I had experience with this one as sensei had taught during some free time a while back
   1. The parry with the arm was stated to also be the preferred way to receive punches, though take that as you will (though it is a common method in karate as well)
   2. The strike should be to the suigetsu (solar plexus)
   3. Trap uke's hand with your head so that it can't wiggle all over the place when applying the lock
6. Ushiro jime - My partner and I both had a tendency to lift the shoulder off after spinning out, will have to work on that. I will be honest, had I known this escape, I probably would have come out of an incident a few years back (before I started Judo) rather unscathed as I was jumped and then kicked on the ground by a person who was quite a pain.
   1. The attack and initial defence are identical to that of katame no kata, following which tori rotates out
   2. Keep pressure with your shoulder until your grip has been changed
7. Kakae dori - We didn't have enough mat space to finish the throw without running into other groups, but the technique is surprisingly effective. Though I couldn't initially find out how to do the armlock and had to ask my sensei about it, now it's pretty easy.
   1. Rotate the arm away from you (clockwise from your perspective) and pull uke's arm into you
   2. During the initial stomp, straighten up and raise your arms to loosen uke's grip

Attacks when at a distance - I got less time to try these in general as I wanted my partner to get a feel for them as they are a bit more complicated and he is less experienced

1. Naname uchi - this was a fun situation, it shows how a little bit of atemi can be used to setup a randori waza, and Fukushima Sensei complimented my senseis' performance saying that it was better than the current text book
   1. Te gatana is used to redirect the strike
   2. Osoto otoshi is performed
   3. Pushing the arm through is important to create the kuzushi necessary for the waza
2. Ago tsuki - I didn't actually get a chance to try this one more than once as my partner struggled with it, he kept applying a shoulder lock by pushing on the elbow without the redirect with the thumb up (shoulder is still sore)
   1. when directing uke's attack up and away, do not lean back as then you are unstable
   2. Use yahazu to direct uke's elbow toward his ear
   3. As uke will not like this use the moment after releasing the elbow lock to throw him forward in the direction perpendicular to his feet.
3. Gammen Tsuki - My partner really liked this one, I can see the uses as I've used similar entries when messing around with strikes + judo with this partner as I have a bit of karate experience
   1. Uke is meant to do a break fall, thus tori needs to get out of the way after releasing the choke
   2. Uke should realistically be aiming for where tori's uto would be if he did not evade
4. Mae Geri - this was a relatively easy one to grasp, but quite a bit of practice is needed before a full force kick can be considered
   1. Rotate ukes foot outwards so that it is not easy for him to rotate in to escape
   2. In the original, tori would lift uke's leg high but many ukes ended up injured from hitting their heads, so now tori just pushes back
5. Yoko geri - My sensei has introduced this one at the dojo before as well, though he prefaced it with about a minute of just practicing a side kick. My partner (who suffers from light knee pain) couldn't kneel during the finish
   1. The use of the te gatana to redirect the kick in the direction it is going, very similar to karates low block
   2. During the finish tori creates a void for uke to be thrown but in real life tori would throw uke onto his knee

Attacks with weapons - I understand people dislike these (reasonably in some cases), but I've found them to be useful points to explore
Attacks with a knife - Sensei Fukushima mentioned how despite my senseis making it look easy
Both my partner and I have practiced these quite a lot (I was the only one who was taught it by sensei but we practiced it on our own time), so not as many personal notes. Though I don't have a good experience so my brain switches to serious and my heart rate increases despite the fact that I know these are fake weapons.

1. Tsukkake
   1. The elbow should be pushed forward (I've actually experimented with this in the past by asking uke to try to stab me as I applied the defence, and we've found after the initial push and strike, tori is in a relatively good position, be it to run away or finish the kata)
   2. Push the locked up arm up and towards uke, then guide him to the ground
2. Choku zuki - I struggled to apply the waki gatame, I'm guessing it was control of the wrist that was the problem, this form is relatively straight forward and makes sense
   1. The strike should not be a boxer style punch, but more like the first punch in szkt
   2. uke should not go limp
   3. when moving away from uke, take him perpendicular to the line between his feet
3. Naname Zuki - Personally I think this form is cutting it close in many regards, but the control tori has is quite surprising
   1. Don't grab the blade from the sharp edge

Attacks with a jo - PSA, no matter how much you trust your uke, mistakes happen (especially with such a solid weapon) so remain vigilant to mitigate damage

1. Furi age - this was a relatively easy technique to grasp as it is an application of O soto gari setup with a palm strike to the chind
   1. Tori should enter as soon as uke begins to raise his arm, almost a preemptive entry
   2. Tori strikes at the ago (chin) with a palm strike, then places his hand on the throat for the throw
2. Furi oroshi - My partner leant into the swing and wacked me on the forehead, it could've been worse but it just grazed the outer layer as I saw the jo come closer after my initial retreat and attempted to turn out of the way. Both a PSA for tori and uke. Tori do not keep your eyes off uke, and uke please don't lean into a swing, you are horribly off balance, and you make it harder for tori to read. Also uke don't speed up when you 2 are learning (I don't know why my partner chose too...)
   1. Do not hop back onto one leg and then towards uke with the other, it leads you to have bad posture
   2. Better to make a big retreat than get hit
   3. 2 strike, one ura ken (back fist), followed by knife hand push
   4. Uke's swing should be at a diagonal
3. Morote zuki - I didn't get to practice this one as my partner was taken a bit aback after the previous incident and couldn't get the steps right for this one. Fukushima Sensei mentioned something along the lines of how a judoka was faced with a juken and couldn't figure out what to do, and thus this form was created to address that.
   1. Tori shouldn't be rowing the jow away to shake throw uke
   2. The arm puts pressure on uke's arm forward
   3. Tori should be trying to angle the jo down towards himself after the initial grab

Attacks with a gun - I struggled with all of these, but I think the principles are relatively sound. Though in real life, I'd most likely give up my valuables. Fukushima Sensei emphasised hip rotation in these movements, as he says that you want to direct the gun away without moving your feet, which is what uke would be seeing when looking at your pocket.
Always make sure to begin your defence after uke is clearly focused on checking your pockets, never when his focus is directly on you

1. Shomen Zuke
   1. Grab the barrel of the gun thumb up
   2. During the disarm, push the gun's muzzle to face towards him
2. Koshi Gamae - I kept getting the second hand wrong and thus the barallel was pointed towards me in the final attack, will need to work on that
   1. Grab the barrel of gun initially with the thumb down with your right hand, and push the gun so that it is horizontal after turning left, then grab the gun from below with your right
   2. make sure to not point the gun at yourself when hitting with the butt
3. Haimen Zuke - this is quite a dangerous move in theory, but also one of the more likely ones
   1. Wrap uke's arm with your arm, but make sure to direct the muzzle up with the free arm
   2. [uke] should let go of gun, as this is a hard breakfall

Overarching and repeated themes in the kata

• The use of yahazu to direct the arm rather than grips
• Keeping uke's hand connected to your centerline when applying kansetsu waza
• te gatana is a useful tool to redirect and or strike the opponent quickly
• During the gun portion, always rotate the gun off your centerline, so that even if it does fire, it doesn't penetrate too deep
• Control the gun by the muzzle
• most finishes are done by guiding uke perpendicular to the line in between his feet
• Do not directly oppose an opponents force
• Maintanence of balance at all times and moving from the hips is key
• Uke should attack meaningfully
• Action reaction is used quite a lot to first lock uke up towards his face, so that when he pushes back he is easily lead away

Overall, it was quite a good event, and I learned a lot. This kata isn't the most realistic with the attacks (though apparently a few people I know have used the ryote dori attack shockingly), but what I've learned so far is relatively sound, hopefully some time soon I can convince my partner to do some live resistance sparring with some gear on (which I have done with the knife portion with a plastic knife). Fukushima Sensei had a lot to say, as he was actively discussing his experiences and koshiki no kata after the seminar with another Japanese speaker, and I hope to be able to attend another one of his classes again someday.
Here are some videos featuring Michio Fukushima from a few years back, both where he was actively demoing, and where he had a slightly more corrective position.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1253474818155243
https://youtu.be/VKgdMJS9eck?si=bGMemLfG9aquAHr1

I have been learning to read music via piano lessons books. It’s been going well, but these books don’t really offer the musical side of reading music. It’s how to play left hand bass note and right hand melody. Which is fine, but I’ve been playing music and the piano casually for almost twenty years. I want to read and play music.
The Keyboard Player function has offered me a neat addition to me study. I can come up with a chord progression, fine tune the playing to my perceived skill level, turn it into MIDI, go to the music notation tab and print. Poof! Musical playing noted out. And also, I can test how accurate my playing was after I feel I am doing the playing well to see how well I did. I don’t have to listen to it before printing it out.
This is a side show to what I use Logic for, but it was a new ability that I am pretty excited by.

Okay, so I feel like this is going to be a hot take but I’ll clarify something first:
I was a 2002 baby, I played the COD games as they came out. Those games were my childhood. I started with COD3, then WaW, then MW, MW2, BO, then MW3. I’m about as biased as you can get.
And you know what?
The reboot games might just be a little bit better.
Now let me stop you before you angrily mash your keyboard saying “but it’s just full price DLC”.
I understand that each game just haphazardly “ended”. Nothing was wrapped up besides the sequel tease at the end of MW, but the reasons why I like the reboot are as follows:

1. I think that the nods to the original games were really nice as a callback and they acknowledged the series’s roots. Not every remake acknowledges the masterpiece that made it possible, so I’m happy to see how they’ve adapted the base story. It’s also interesting to see some familiar set pieces in a Modern Engine, rather than just ripping the story apart and remaking it.
   
2. I think the implementation of the Middle East worked well, and allowed the introduction of Farah, a welcome and fun addition to the cast. It served a purpose and wasn’t just shoehorned in for diversity’s sake, it actually fed into the story all the way through to MW3.
   
3. TF141 felt a lot more like a group of comrades that have been through a lot of shit together. MW2 (2009) did a good job of showing that the people selected for 141 were “the best of the best”, but I think the actual interactions between the members of 141 left so much to be desired: Ghost was just there to be “cool” and didn’t really have much development, Soap was the main character for most of it and Price was just kinda a generic grouchy British man in a boonie hat. I felt much more inclined to connect with the characters in the new games whereas the old games had much more of a focus on the plot i.e. Makarov running circles around the player, who feels helpless because of it.
   
4. The disturbing content was genuinely disturbing. The ahem plane scene from MW3 and the scene in the base with the ahem deodorant were actually pretty disturbing. The MW scene in Piccadilly also comes to mind. Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of stuff like that in the originals (i.e. No Russian and MW3’s London scene) but it just felt really well executed in the remakes.
   

I feel like I’m droning on a bit, so I’ll compress my last few points:
The residential night time raids added so much realism to the story, the open combat missions were great too, especially Gaz’s mission in the apartment complex.
But finally, the last thing I think is important to note:
These games are a lot more grounded, and many people liked the older COD campaigns because of how outlandish and “action movie-esque” they were. For Christ’s sake, the end of MW3 was incredibly badass, with the Jug suits and hanging Makarov. There will always be a special place in my heart for the old games, but I feel that the new games are severely underrated.
Maybe people will begin to properly appreciate the games once they release a bundle with the full story at a reasonable price point, but as somebody who has bought and played all three, I feel that the story and the multiplayer experience has been worth the money so far (disregarding the abrupt ending of MW3).

hii! i’m 14F from Sydney in aussie. i’m looking for some long term friends to chat to and distract me from school and everything else. i like music mostly alternative and metal, i like watching movies and i like art but i wish i was better.
happy to chat to anyone :)

I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m in extreme pain from my period cramps it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and saying the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally fucking sliced me! shaved my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! I even had to jump over three-story building once because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what’s wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying how she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said it out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny but it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she would actually crash the car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, is because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire an accountant and a really good lawyer to help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much growing up because of her I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like there’s one of my uncles who she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into my head like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it and went numb over the years and said it’s in the past so it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time an uncle came to visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they would just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this here because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally…. everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live in a toxic ass home and I lived through hell at such a young age and still getting insulted daily and treated like shit!!

I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m in extreme pain from my period cramps it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and saying the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally fucking sliced me! shaved my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! I even had to jump over three-story building once because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what’s wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying how she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said it out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny but it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she would actually crash the car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, is because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire an accountant and a really good lawyer to help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much growing up because of her I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like there’s one of my uncles who she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into my head like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it and went numb over the years and said it’s in the past so it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time an uncle came to visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they would just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this here because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally…. everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live in a toxic ass home and I lived through hell at such a young age and still getting insulted daily and treated like shit!!

It was an overcast morning in late spring, the kind of day where you can't decide if it's going to pour rain or clear up. The weather was perfectly indecisive, much like my feelings about the intricate details that had consumed the last several months of planning this monumental event. You see, the wedding was set to be held at the grand yet somewhat clichéd 'Whispering Willows' event hall. The name alone should give you an idea of the kind of pretentious place it was, with its overly manicured gardens and staff who wore constant, painfully forced smiles.
The day started with me waking up at exactly 6:30 AM, as I had meticulously planned. My schedule was packed with all the banal but necessary activities that precede a wedding: a light breakfast of exactly two boiled eggs and a slice of whole wheat toast (no butter), a shower that I timed to last no longer than seven minutes to conserve both water and time, and a session of silent meditation where I tried to find some semblance of peace amidst the chaos.
By 10:00 AM, I was at the venue, ensuring every napkin was folded in a precise bishop's hat fold, not the Dutch crown fold that the staff had mistakenly started with. I corrected this with a slight twitch of irritation. As I roamed the venue, I checked off trivial things on my checklist: the placement of the 150 meticulously chosen floral centerpieces, the angle of the 200 chiavari chairs (which I adjusted from 90 to 85 degrees to encourage more intimate conversation), and the volume of the background classical music (which should be exactly 40 decibels, no more, no less).
Around 11:47 AM, as I was verifying that each of the 250 champagne flutes was free of smudges and positioned 2.5 inches from the edge of the reception tables, Eric, my college friend, approached me. His presence was as sudden as it was unnecessary at that moment. He wore a suit that was one shade too dark for the daytime event, and his tie was asymmetrically knotted.
"Hey," Eric started, clearing his throat while I pretended not to notice the new watermark he had just put on one of the pristine flutes with his thumb. "Can we talk a sec?"
I glanced at my watch, noting that this unscheduled conversation was eating into the 12 minutes I had allocated to inspect the DJ's equipment setup. But Eric had that look — the kind where you know you're about to be dragged into a conversation you didn't schedule or want.
"Sure, Eric," I said, masking my annoyance with a tone flatter than the soda left out from last night's rehearsal dinner.
He pulled me slightly aside, right near the painstakingly positioned ice sculpture of Cupid, which was now melting at an anticipated rate of 0.5 inches per hour, a detail I noted with a frown.
"You're, uh, coming off a bit strong with all this," Eric muttered, gesturing vaguely at my clipboard and then at the surrounding spectacle of my own design. "It’s your big day, man. You should relax. You're too... I don’t know, edgy?"
I stared at him, the words 'too edgy' echoing in my mind like a bad song on repeat. Too edgy? I was merely ensuring that the event adhered to a standard that would prevent any future nightmares about a less-than-perfect wedding day.
"Thanks for the input, Eric," I said, my voice as dry as the unseasoned chicken I had vetoed from the menu last week. "I’ll take that under advisement."
He nodded, seemingly relieved to have dispensed his wisdom, and wandered off to undoubtedly commit more fingerprints to glass surfaces.
Returning to my checklist, I noted the time of Eric’s interruption and adjusted my schedule, allowing 30 fewer seconds at each remaining task to make up for lost time. The rest of the day proceeded in a blur of similarly thrilling activities: verifying the pH level of the water in the vases to ensure optimal flower freshness, triple-checking the seating chart to avoid the disastrous potential of Aunt Marge sitting next to Cousin Larry, and discussing the viscosity of the gravy with the caterer to ensure it poured smoothly without being too watery.
By the time the actual ceremony started, I had recalibrated the entire event down to the second, all while pondering Eric's words. Too edgy? Perhaps, but in a world full of chaos, I was the master of wedding logistics, turning what could have been an eventful and vibrant day into a perfectly planned, substance-lacking sequence of timed events.
And so, as I stood there, exchanging vows in a ceremony that was timed to coincide with the exact moment the sun was highest in the sky (for optimal lighting, naturally), I couldn't help but reflect on Eric's advice. Maybe he was right; perhaps I could have been less edgy. But then again, the day went off without a hitch, exactly as planned, right down to the last, predictable, perfectly unremarkable minute.
My friend Eric has been with me since we were kids, we grew up on the same street actually. Is he wrong for doing this?

We reflect the senses of God to the mind and the senses of the mind to God. It's a link between the two like how twins can sometimes perceive the same sensations through each others senses. When you look in a mirror you hear your own voice reflected through your voice box and mouth to your own ears and both the reflection in the mirror share the same qualities, which includes the same frequencies you perceive as a human being. Presummuably this would mean the same scents and tastes too. In the manner of a dream you would be able to feel the same physical sensations using your limbs and other parts of your body. In a grand scale this is to say that just as you are sensing through your own 5 senses (well sometimes the thoughts are a 6th) you are in the same sense able to feel what others feel and should be able to do so indirectly through your mind and intuition. There have even most recently been studies that have proved precognition and telepathy. Here's a Youtube video that talks about it. Study on Precognition Has Some Interesting Results - Squaring the Circle: A Randall Carlson Podcast.
I'm looking forward to a near future where people drop their materialistic views as both researchers and laypeople and just see reality as it is because there really is no denying what is. I also fantasize about a time where it can be common to discuss philosophy and spirituality as easy as people discuss memes and other popularized things. And on another note I recently saw that the Pope has started to acknowledge the wrong doings of the Catholic Church and started to accept more forgiving and unconditional perspectives on all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds. The Catholics apparently hate it and they think that he's the devil, but I think it's just a collective mind of group thinking that's had a hardening of a cocktail of projection, denial, insecurities about their self-image, and judgement of others without ever truly being able to accept themselves. Their minds are afraid that they'll become something horrible if they accept something or someone perfectly fine as they are. All in the name of what's "good" and not in the name of "love". (Sorry for the ranting at the end. I had gotten distracted and then came back to add my ideas to the post).
I also feel like the West and the East are mixing in more and more through the media, music, popculture, and anime as well. While it may not look like it on a greater scale I've seen some patterns in multiple aspects of both sides of the world like certain words being put in the oxford dictionary, anime being more normalized in the West, video games including anime DLC or skins, music in Japan taking a lot of influence from Hip-hop and rap, anime live actions getting non-anime fans interested in anime, more discussion about open-minded topics because of these abstract and Eastern ideas that teach lessons through anime, which could lead to further curiousity about it's origins and how stories like Journey to the West by Wu Cheng'en and the abridged version by Auther Waley as "Monkey" influenced Akira Toriyama's Dragon Ball (Rest in peace), which has Taoism, Confucianism, and some Buddhism. If people knew about this and with the growth of psychedelic awareness and psychology I feel like eventually they'd come around to non-duality and how there is a harmony to everything and we just all need some love and peace. (rambiling again sorry...)

Please help me, I don’t know what to do.
Im 24F and he is 24M. We’ve known each other for 11 months already, almost 1 year. He courted me along the way and as the time goes by, LDR na kami for 5 months ngayon. We officially got together last March. He was my 2nd BF but I consider him as my 1st since I feel like my first was just a puppy love (2 months lang kami non; 3months lang nanligaw and I feel like ako pa ung lalaki sa relationship namin)
So ayun na nga, I am confused right now simply because he doesn’t post me but he reposts vids of girls that are either beautiful or sexy that caught his eyes through his FYP or even in facebook or even in IG. I understand na some are artista but some are influencers. And going back to when he’s still courting me, he always go to bars and party til the sun’s up, eventually he admitted to me na may kasalanan siya sakin. He chatted girls that he met on bars (2 weeks naman na raw na hindi sila naguusap, and the usual fling convo raw, I insisted before kung pwedeng makita at malaman ko para I know where I’ll stand but he doesn’t want me to know more about it na kasi might be hurt pa)
Moving on, he doesn’t post me for a while na. Last time he genuinely posted me sa main account niya is nung birthday ko pa (September), and last post niya as for as I remember is yung sa dump account niya which was November (after we fixed things nung he admitted na he was chatting others girls than me pa, and we got okay since I gave him a chance and hindi naman din kasi kami so I can’t control him or I don’t have the right to be mad at him talaga since we aren’t official pa naman talaga😅)
I do love him, I did everything I can for him. October, nung birthday niya, I don’t have money to surprise of buy him a gift. Thankfully I got a raket na nagkaron ako ng pera and spent my money earned for an airpods, and to surprise him with a cake, pizza and I bought chicken and rice. I set-up a surprise with my friends and his friends. Ganon din naman siya saakkn, he surprised me before with flowers and foods for my birthday and celebrated it with my friends. Last Valentines, he got me flowers. He borrowed me some money last month, para makabili na ako ng phone ko since ma-lag na phone ko. So grateful for him despite that.
But, the thing is, even though okay kami minsan, I always envy those girls na narerepost niya. Ano bang kulang sakin? Napapatanong na rin ako sa sarili ko kung ano ung kulang sakin para hindi ako ma-post haha (I never got to experienced being genuinely and consistently posted by a guy) I felt so insecure na nagbbreak down nalang ako bigla, plus he forgot our 2nd monthsary and I really broke down to the point that I don’t want to talk to him for a while.
Tho I already addressed my issue with him na hindi niya ako narerepost, I even asked him baka may tinatago pa siya sakin kaya tinatago lang niya ako at hindi niya ako ma-post, wala naman na raw. Pero why, why didn’t he think to make an action after all? Ilang beses ko naman na nasabi pero wala naman. Tiniis ko lang to and hindi ko sinabi sakanya agad pero napuno na talaga ako kaya around April ko lang nasabi sakanya yun.
Is it a me problem or no? What would I do? Nakakapagod kasi na naiiyak ako bigla because of that.

Hello again everybody!
Before we get started on today's post the current voting for Carbink currently has Abstaining votes with a bit of a lead over the next highest amount of votes (which is C tier). There is still time to vote however, if you haven't voted on that one yet you can find a link to the post in the comments on the post linked below or by sorting the SubReddit by the Tiering/Voting tag!
Unless something changes however it looks like Carbink will likely go back on to the radar list for a future vote. Like with all previous votes I'll continue to check the numbers and if anything changes I'll update it on tomorrow's post.
(Please note that this voting/tiering is centered around Classic mode as after a certain point in Endless only about 5 Pokemon and 2 abilities are truly viable.)
So current tiers are:
S tier - Garganacl, Cloyster, Skeledirge, Gholdengo, Tinkaton
A tier - Gyarados/Mega, VenusauMega/Dyna, Aegislash, Corviknight/Dyna, Excadrill, GardevoiMega, Toxapex
B tier - Kanto-Persian/Dynamax Kanto-Meowth, Weavile, Starmie, Rhyperior, Quagsire, Mamoswine
C tier - Linoone
F tier - Dustox
With that being said let's get to today's vote!
Today is day 27 of tier voting and today we'll be talking about the funky rock 'n' roll lizard from Generation 8 that was the signature Pokemon of the gym leader who was part of a band and said no words during his solo lol. Toxtricity is fairly popular and well-known for its signature ability which synergizes very well with its moveset. Toxtricity has an interesting and unique typing that only it and its pre-evolution have claim to. While it does have a 4x weakness to Ground both of its types are strong types offensively and give it immunity to 2 status conditions which means it certainly can find ways to fit onto a team. It has a pretty solid stat spread in its base form and it also has the benefit of most of its strongest moves being spread moves making it a strong choice for double battles. This game gives it several gifts including a very good passive to go along with one of its strongest moves, as well as some really good egg moves that synergize with its signature ability even further and a super good stat spread for its Dynamax form.
(Please note that Pokemon with Mega/Dynamax evolutions will be tiered as one Pokemon and not tiered separately for their Mega/Dynamax form. Different variants such as Alolan Persian vs. Kanto Persian will be tiered separately however.)
(Also here is the post with rules for voting/tiering posts and a little more explanation about them in general: https://www.reddit.com/pokerogue/s/0LNZhPPzR9 Links to past votes can all be found here as well in comments added to the OP with each new vote)
And here is a quick reminder of what each tier generally means:
S tier: Top tier, can make or break your entire run, essentially the cream of the crop
A tier: really strong but not quite top tier, maybe slightly outclassed or has a slight weakness holding it back
B tier: solid choices that can make it to your endgame team, might be reliant on team composition to truly function well or might just be outclassed as well
C tier: usually early-mid game Mons, ones you don't really want to take to end game if you can avoid it, usually pretty decently glaring weakness but something redeeming enough to keep from F tier
F tier: no reason to use in end game unless you're doing it for a meme/joke
Abstain/No Opinion: this will be a voting option mostly just in case someone accidentally votes and then can't remove their vote (I've noticed that happens on Reddit sometimes) or for Pokemon people haven't unlocked/used to their full potential yet. If Abstaining votes outvote each individual tier then the Pokemon will be tabled for the time being and another vote will open up for it later (can mostly see this happening with Legendaries).
(Data in parentheses is for the Dynamax form)
[Also worth noting Toxtricity base form has 2 different forms it evolves into based on its nature. The only difference between these forms is its secondary ability and one of the moves it learns by level-up though, so I will put these brackets around the 2 moves and abilities. Both forms have the same Dynamax form]
*
Toxtricity (Dynamax)
Type: Electric/Poison
Mega: No
Dynamax: Yes
Starter cost {Toxel}: 3
Possible Egg moves: Nasty Plot, Baneful Bunker, Sparkling Aria, Torch Song
Abilities: Punk Rock or [Plus or Minus]
Hidden Ability: Technician
Passive Ability: Galvanize - Turns this Pokemon's Normal-type attacks into Electric-type attacks and boosts the power of Electric type attacks by 20%
Evolution: Toxel evolves into either Amped form or Low-Key form Toxtricity at level 30 depending on its nature. Toxtricity can Dynamax with Dynamax bracelet and Max Mushrooms
Base stats:
HP - 75 (95)
Attack - 98 (118)
Defense - 70 (80)
Sp. Attack - 114 (144)
Sp. Defense - 70 (80)
Speed - 75 (85)
Learnset by level up: Acid, Acid Spray, Belch, Flail, Growl, Leer, Noble Roar, Nuzzle, Tearful Look, Thunder Shock, Charge, Shock Wave, Scary Face, Taunt, Screech, Swagger, Discharge, Poison Jab, Overdrive, Boomburst, Spark, [Shift Gear or Magnetic Flux]
Notable TMs: Protect, Metal Sound, Thief, Trailblaze, Charge Beam, Facade, Swift, Hex, Snarl, Stored Power, Venoshock, Volt Switch, Sunny Day, Rain Dance, Brick Break, Fire Punch, Thunder Punch, Rest, Sleep Talk, Drain Punch, Thunder Wave, Toxic Spikes, Eerie Impulse, Gunk Shot, Hyper Voice, Thunderbolt, Wild Charge, Sludge Bomb, Thunder, Power-Up Punch, Screech, Sludge Wave, Throat Chop
*
Tomorrow's vote: GengaMega GengaDynamax Gengar!
Pokemon on the radar for voting very soon: Aggron/Mega, Comfey, Crobat, Ferrothorn, Gliscor, Delphox, Roserade, Vileplume, Minior, Hitmonchan, Bibarel, Whimsicott, Chandelure, Archaludon/Dynamax Duraludon, Alakazam/Mega, Infernape, Flamigo, Volcarona, Alolan-Decidueye, Barbaracle, Butterfree/Dyna, Beedrill/Mega, Mawile/Mega, Drednaw/Dyna, Annihilape, Cramorant, Aerodactyl/Mega, Glimmora, Heatran, Tapu Koko, Dialga/Primal, Galarian-Zapdos, Regieleki, Regidrago, Zacian, Zamazenta, Rayquaza/Mega, Latias/Mega, Latios/Mega, Ho-Oh, Volcanion, Cinccino, Snorlax/Dyna, Wishiwashi
(Other requests will be added to this list and this list is not necessarily in order)
Happy voting!
View Poll

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoYobcrm6Yg These songs are created as a tribute to The Beatles, using AI technology to explore new musical possibilities. As a passionate fan of The Beatles, I aim to honor their legacy by crafting songs in a style reminiscent of their iconic sound. Please note that these songs are purely for tribute purposes and are not official works by The Beatles or affiliated with their music catalog. Enjoy the nostalgia and new interpretations of classic vibes!

I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m in extreme pain from my period cramps it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and saying the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally fucking sliced me! shaved my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! I even had to jump over three-story building once because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what’s wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying how she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said it out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny but it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she would actually crash the car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, is because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire an accountant and a really good lawyer to help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much growing up because of her I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like there’s one of my uncles who she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into my head like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it and went numb over the years and said it’s in the past so it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time an uncle came to visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they would just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this here because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally…. everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live in a toxic ass home and I lived through hell at such a young age and still getting insulted daily and treated like shit!!

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MediumGrouchy5547
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, depression, self-harm, eating disorder, possible mental health issues
Editor’s Note: TCA stands for trastornos de la conducta alimentaria which translates into “eating disorder”
Rastafarian: a religious movement
Original Post: April 26, 2024
I'm really happy and confused and I really don't know if I can talk about this with friends and family but I need to share my experience with someone because I missed my sister. I don't need or want any advice since no one really knows the situation to be able to give a good advice without assuming things they don't know and it's weird to read people talking about my sister like if they know what she lived, I just want to share this and I know a lot of people have had experiences like this too so maybe someone can relate.
When I was 10 years old my older sister who was 22 at that time disappeared after leaving a note to our parents saying that she's okay and just wants to start over her life.
My sister was always a lonely but outgoing person, she always told me that she enjoyed solitude from time to time and noisy things took away from her quality of life because tbh it was loud LOUD where we lived and it was annoying even for me (we lived in a dangerous neighborhood so it wasn't too safe and she hated not being able to go for a walk at night or do things at night alone), she was depressed and I remember seeing her suffering from severe anxiety attacks, she used to hit herself to stop them and she had a strong TCA that triggered those things. She suffered from other mental issues as well and talked freely about that, she talked about those things in front of me and these are things that leave a mark on you.
She was the favorite of the whole family although mi parents never out pressure on her, they always let us do our life (my brother who was 19 at that time knows that, my sister was the golden child), my grandfather always made it clear that she is his favorite granddaughter, even now. She was the calm but funny kind of person, she was the closest to my parents and uncles so when she disappeared from one day to the next no one understood what was going on.
Even my sister had never traveled alone except to go to work and she always notified my mother that she was okay for safety reasons. She left a long note clarifying that she doesn't want to be searched but she loves us. It was a big blow for the family, I remember my mother wanting to report to the police but they said that my sister was not a minor and the note said that she left by her own so they can't do anything.
In a way, my other brother knew that this would happen at some point, since our sister mentioned a lot that she wanted to leave everything and go live in the countryside or become a nun and live in a calm place without any worries but nobody took her seriously about that. She was always the kind of person who did things without telling anyone, she liked her solitude sometimes even if she was always friendly.
The first months and weeks were strange, it wasn't that she had passed away but that she disappeared because she wanted to, I remember my mother missing her because they always shared the afternoons together.
I also missed her a lot, Even years later my family missed her and at Christmas or her birthday someone would always say "maybe she'll show up now" or we would wonder how she's doing or if she was alive.
Back to the present. I'm on vacation in the south of my country (This part of my country is very expensive for a tourist and I am the only one in my family who was able to come now that I am an adult), it's a place full of villages and while I was exploring I came to a place where they sold typical handicrafts of the place.
While shopping I can swear that the first thing I saw was my sister looking at some crafts on a shelf, she looked more adult but obviously I recognized her instantly, we are really similar after all.
I didn't really knew how to react after so many years and I didn't know how she would react, but I went over and said her name. What I didn't expected was that she would smile instantly when she saw me and called me by my nickname. I thought she had escaped because she didn't wanted anything to do with the family even if in the note she said she loves us, but she was greeting me as if nothing had happened.
She told me that she didn't expected to see me there and asked me if I was on vacation, she said that the village used to be not so touristy but now more people started to go and many villagers opened stores for the tourists. I was upset, I was angry with her for leaving us and pretending that nothing happened but I couldn't react so I just asked her if she lives in that town and she said yes, It's a place filled with old people.
We talked for a few seconds, she asked me what I'm studying and if everyone at home is okay, she told me I'm taller and thinner. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that if I have a few days off I can go visit her but she doesn't have a cell phone so she told me that she's almost everyday there. My sister also told me to send hugs to our parents.
I'm confused and full of questions about her, she doesn't even wants to hide, she didn't looked or talked to me like someone who wanted to run away from something and hide. She was just happy to see me and happy to know that we were all good.
But I also feel resentment for her when I think about all that our parents and grandparents suffered when she disappeared, making my mother feel that she was a bad mother because she couldn't protect her.
But I'm ambivalent as I'm also happy to know that she's okay and that she doesn't hate me or the family but I'm also confused, Her behavior wasn't that of someone who is hiding or who doesn't want to know anything about her past, she was just happy to hear about us.
Edit: I'm sorry but there are people who clearly don't read the post, there are literally people saying that I didn't even knew my sister and commenting as if they knew her and taking things for granted about her life, there are even people saying that they don't understand why I'm 'angry' (it's just a feeling, a normal feeling, it's not that I hate her and I will treat her badly, god. Nor will I talk to my family without talking to her first, at what point in the post did I say that I'm going to expose her? I'm never going to treat her badly either because I have no reason to do so, It's crazy how half the comments draw silly conclusions) with my sister when i literally say it up there, even if my English is bad because it's not my first language, just read the post before you want to get a few likes for some unnecessary advice.
Additional Information from OOP on his sister’s note

OOP: My sister in the note said that she loves our parents, my brother was 19 when our sister left and he himself knows how much our parents loved and supported her when she was having a hard time with herself but the outside always affected her badly.
I was ten years old but I wasn't a baby and I remember what the family dynamic was like, I remember the feeling of my family, my parents are not narcissists and my sister loved them and they love who's my sister, she just had her own problems.
How could a parent miss the idea of their children? There's not a day when my parents don't miss everything about my sister, they miss sharing the day with her, my father even missed when she was cranky. My parents always let us go our own way and I can assure you that they never pressured us to be what they wanted us to be, I don't even know what they want us to be.

Relevant Comments
Mil1512: Is your sister neurodivergent?
With the hitting herself when struggling with anxiety and enjoying solitude.
I'm neurodivergent and my family live in another country. I honestly forget to talk to them most of the time and only really do because my mum messages me first. If she didn't we just wouldn't talk. Not due to any hate or anything, I'm just happy doing my own thing.

OOP: She's not. My sister had a lot of self-destructive behaviors and hurting herself was one of them when she felt 'fat', she also had eating disorders and panic attacks because of that. I don't remember too much but she did other things to not eat besides hitting herself, she was very open about her TCA and yes, she has a diagnosis from a professional.
My sister was always in touch with my mother and everyone in text, she always used to keep in touch when she was going out until the day she left, now she doesn't even have a phone. In her note she just said that she wanted to leave everything

mikuzgrl: It almost seems like the sister has been in contact with someone for a while and thinks news is being passed back and forth.

OOP: I never thought about that but I don't think so, seeing how my parents miss her I think the first thing the family would do would be to at least tell my father that she is okay :/

 
Can people just stop with the aggressive messages? Weirdos: May 1, 2024
I understand that many reflect their personal traumas in this site, but I literally received passive-aggressive messages calling me idiot or even telling me that I would hate my sister if she were neurodivergent or claiming that my parents abused her.
What's wrong with y'all? Go to a psychologist and stop reflecting your unresolved traumas in the story of a person you don't even know. Go out and touch grass and talk to a real person instead of literally sending private messages like that.
I didn't asked for any advice and just wanted to share my story because that's the point of that subreddit, but many took it the wrong way and decided to turn something positive into a way to fight.
I don't even understand why out of nowhere I started getting those kinds of messages or if someone share that post on a weird place.
 
Editor’s Note: TLP is trastorno límite de la personalidad which translates into Borderline Personality Disorder
Update: May 7, 2024
On sunday I finally found my sister again, she was selling things in the park with other stands, all of them are rastafari, not hippies or a sect. I walked over and she greeted me just as happily, we talked a couple of things and my sister told me that she doesn't have a cell phone so it was impossible for her to tell me that she wouldn't be there on Saturday.
I spent the afternoon with her at her stand and after that we went to her house, she lives alone (and sometimes with her friends). We talked for a while and at one point she broke down and hugged me, saying she was trying to stay calm all this time and didn't knew how to react because she didn't wanted to make me cry too bc she remembered that I was really sensitive but she couldn't hold it anymore. We cried and talked a lot.
My sister was tired of people, she said that our house was her safe place but hated the idea of having to work everyday and I didn't wanted to study anything, she was our parents' golden child, so they let her do whatever she wanted, but she knew that at some point she had to make something of her life. She was tired of how stupid and empty everyone was, of the politicians, of the TV showing empty things, of the noise everywhere outside when she wanted peace, even sleeping in our home was stressful for everyone because of the noises outside during the weekends when she wanted to be alone to smoke and listen music (tbh, In my memories as a child I didn't remember the obvious smell of joints that my sister had all the time)
That added to the pressure that society put on her to be physically perfect make her want to leave everything behind.
She didn't wanted to die but realized that my parents were miserable when they saw her being miserable, this is something I didn't know, but my sister said that our father had two jobs to be able to pay for her psychologist and medication, also my father used to spoil her a lot with the only food she eat without guilty. Running away was like dying symbolically.
My sister says that although our parents always supported her, she felt like a failture for not being able to improve and always relapsing, she felt bad to see our father working so hard and also wanted to live according to her spiritual mentality, free from all that is toxic in society.
All of those things make her ran away from everything, she felt like a burden and also didn't wanted to live a life working and miserable like everyone.
Sis told me that she never contacted us because she doesn't wants to have a cell phone and a trip to our province is too expensive to her because it's basically going from one end of the country to the other.
She hates capitalist society with all her soul and doesn't even have a TV. My sister said that she is much better now away from the city. My sister told me that she wants to talk to our parents but doesn't knows what to say and we don't want to give them parents a shock since our dad was sick a few days ago and is recovering from dengue.
I'm writing this with her beside me and doesn't understand what's the point of this site (The last social network she used was fotolog in 2007) but said that she doesn't mind if I post this. She wanted to write something but said she doesn't like writing in English haha
My sister was reading the comments and wants me to clarify that she never suffered any kind of a abuse, she has a lot of friends and never had any problem with anyone but likes to be alone from time to time to meditate.
And she's not neurodivergent (She said her behavior was normal because of her TLP), suffers from ED, borderline personality disorder and see a psychologist twice a month.
During her adolescence, the blogs Ana and mia were trendy, her friends had that 'aesthetic' and she was popular in fotolog (according to my sister, at that time it was taken as an aesthetic and even a book about that was really popular between teens, maybe someone from my country knows Abzurdah?). She hated going out when she felt fat, she couldn't have imperfections like cuts on her arms so she hurt herself with a rubber band when she overate, something she read in those blogs. Now she's in a good weight but it took her really long to not relapse again. It's been a long recovery for her and once you're anorexic you never stop being anorexic, she's always afraid of relapsing.
So that's it for now, we don't know how we're going to talk with our parents without making them freak out. And also my sister after seeing the comments on the post saw other reddit posts and said that her life is definitely better without a cell phone, she says that things like fotolog was the beginning of all evil haha
Relevant Comments
OOP on his sister being involved with Rastafari

OOP: Idk how it is in other countries to be honest, my sister doesn't live in community and there are no camps, she's one of the few who has a house because most of them prefer to travel around the country.
I really think it's impossible for them to be 100% Rastafarian here tbh because we are from South America and the Rastafarian community here is obviously totally different from the REAL Rastafarians, they just follow most of the philosophy
Edit: for example, my sister doesn't consider herself Rastafarian but she share some points of the philosophy they have, I don't know how the rest of them thinks

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hey all. My 2020 iphone SE is REALLY starting to show its age. Roughly every other time I get a new phone I switch between iphone and android and this time, I am ready for an android. I looked at many options and became paralyzed. It quickly became me looking at the Oneplus Nord N30 and the galaxy A54. As far as build quality and cameras goes, the galaxy seems better but it looks like the Nord is better in many other ways.
All in all I decided on the A54 because I can get it for 270 brand new right now. However basically everyone on reddit that responded to me (most of them owning the A54 themselves) and offered horror stories. Now I am too scared of it. They recommend the Pixel 8a, the galaxy S23/s23fe and the A55. Well the A55 isnt sold in the US. The S23 and S23 fe are over 500 dollars and I dont want to go pre owned. The Pixel 8a is the biggest contender for me it seems.
I dont want to spend 499 but I understand you get what you pay for especially when it comes to cameras. I was so set on the A54 due to the 270 dollar price tag but apparently that processor in it is hot garbage and causes noticeable lag. People also report overheating and huge battery drain. Is it the processor? The OS? Idk and Im not about to be a guinea pig on day one.
Anyways, I use reddit, facebook/messenger and watch youtube and HBO max. I do not game on phones ever. I know that opens a lot of doors for me but needing a good camera is what limits my options heavily it seems. I would want the camera quality to at least match what my 2020 iphone SE is capable of.
Lets say I dont want to spend more than 3-400, am I dumb to put myself in that price range? Am I just expecting too much for a phone in that price range? What phone can I get in it that has good camera quality? Final note, i typically keep a phone for 3-4 years roughly for what that is worth

I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m in extreme pain from my period cramps it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and saying the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally fucking sliced me! shaved my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! I even had to jump over three-story building once because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what’s wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying how she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said it out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny but it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she would actually crash the car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, is because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire an accountant and a really good lawyer to help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much growing up because of her I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like there’s one of my uncles who she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into my head like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it and went numb over the years and said it’s in the past so it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time an uncle came to visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they would just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this here because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally…. everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live in a toxic ass home and I lived through hell at such a young age and still getting insulted daily and treated like shit!!