I accidentally posted this to my username instead of my subreddit so here is is:
The Mortgage, Part 3
“Fuck,” I said as I drove to work in the old beater that only started on the fourth try because it could tell that I was pissed off. Ray’s case started at two o’clock, and I was heading to the office to get ready. “Fuck fuck fuckity fucking fuck. Fuck.” I’d wanted to tell Angela about Ray’s case, and how I was sorry that I hadn’t wanted to help him, but now I would, I would help him, and I would win, but then I’d gotten her all riled up on something else, something totally different, something way more serious.
My wife had given me a triple ultimatum: fix things up with her father, save idiot Ray from Sy-Co Corp., and somehow find a downpayment for the place she wanted to buy, in the little townhouse infill project in Bixity. It was like demanding I do a double bank shot, and then run over to the baseball diamond and hit a home run after first pointing to where it would land, Babe Ruth style.
Angela was mad at me, seriously mad. She’d slipped out that morning before I was even awake, sliding quietly past me on the couch. I didn’t realize she was gone until I heard the faint click of the front door closing. I jumped up, tripped over a blanket, and by the time I got up and my robe on, the elevator down the hall dinged, and Angela was gone before I opened the apartment door.
I swore at myself some more and pounded the steering wheel, “I fucked up,” I said, several times as I hit the wheel over and over again, until I accidentally honked it, and then looked all sheepish when the guy in front of me gave me the finger. I reached my office without further incident, but instead of walking in the front door, I went further down the hall, and into the office of Mark Cecil-Rowe, Barrister, LL.D, the man with the finest speaking voice I ever heard. When I entered his office I forgot for a minute about Angela and her father and sleeping on the couch the night before. I forget about everything, except the reason that I had come to Cecil-Rowe’s office: to stump him with a legal problem that I had solved, but which I was pretty sure he could not. In other words, I had come to preen and to brag and to boast. No one likes a showoff, and I had come to show off. I put my hand on the door and turned the knob. After a brief pause, I flung open the door.
“I’m a goddamn genius,” I said as I strolled into the older man’s office.
I noticed the echo of a hastily closed desk drawer hanging in the air. In Aaron’s office, where I rented space, a sudden act of concealment implied cocaine, but with Cecil-Rowe, the item in question was probably a mickey of vodka. I had the sense that he’d been drinking a bit before I arrived, but his powers of observation were unimpaired, and when he looked into my face, his expression showed sympathy, and actual pain.
“What have you done now?” he said, as set the papers before him to one side, and readied himself to hear my latest tale of legal brilliance.
“I’m a genius,” I said.
“Oh dear. Have a seat.”
“No really, I am. I’m a genius. I got this case that everyone says you can’t win, but I’m gonna win it, and when I do, I’m gonna look like a genius.” Cecil-Rowe gave me a sad indulgent smile.
“Whenever you tell me you’re a genius, I am always concerned about what is to follow. When you get wrapped up in what you call your genius, you tend to ignore the more mundane things we lawyers have to do to win a case. You think you’re going to win by genius alone.”
“Let me tell you why I’m a goddamn genius.” With effort I wiped the smug, self-satisfied expression that was on my face.
“Tell me why you’re a genius,” Cecil-Rowe said, “while I pour us a coffee.” He heaved his bulky body up from his chair and shuffled over to a counter. He picked up a carafe of hot coffee sitting on a hot plate, and poured two cups. “Speak,” he said, handing me one. I took a sip of the coffee, and told Cecil-Rowe the tale of Cousin Ray: his purchase of a franchise from Sy-Co Corp, its swift demise, the crash and burn in Commercial Court, the Minutes of Settlement, the seventy-one kilometer limit, and lastly, Sy-Co’s motion scheduled for two p.m. that very day, seeking an interim injunction shutting down Ray’s place.
Cecil-Rowe absorbed all this without the need to take notes. Instead, he sat back while he eyed me, taking the occasional sip of coffee, and smiling at the extravagant flourishes and details that brought out Ray’s story to full effect.
“Obviously Ray is dead on arrival,” he said, “but I guess this is the part where you tell me how you’re going to win.”
So I told him how I was going to win, but it didn’t have the desired effect. “I told ya I’m a genius, Mr. C,” cueing him to applaud, to admit what a brilliant lawyer I was. But there was no applause from Mark Cecil-Rowe. He looked at me without so much as a smile.
“You can cling to that genius notion as a consolation prize, after you get whipped this afternoon in court.”
“No way,” I said, “not a chance. I got this thing won hands down. I’m gonna kick ass in court today and--”
“And how exactly do you plan to do that, if you don’t have evidence?”
“What?”
“Evidence, Calledinthe9os. It’s what lawyers like me use to beat geniuses like you.”
“But I’m gonna win without proof. I don’t need proof. The argument I’m gonna make, relies on simple facts that are totally obvious, so the judge is gonna--” Cecil-Rowe stuck up his hand.
“Stop right there. I know what’s coming. You’re going to ask the judge to take *judicial notice.”
And he was right. That was exactly what I was going to do.
There are some things so obvious that you didn’t have to prove them, things that everyone knew. You didn’t have to prove that water froze at zero degrees and boiled at a hundred, or that Bixity was between West Bay and East Bay.
“You got it,” I said, “judicial notice all the way.”
“You’re going to tell the judge that the centerpiece of your argument, the lynchpin of your case is a fact known to pretty well everyone, and so you don’t need proof.”
“Exactly,” I said. Cecil-Rowe took another sip of his coffee, and left me hanging in the silence for a while before he spoke.
“If that’s true, then why does coming up with that argument make you a genius?”
“Oh, I said,”I didn’t think of that.”
“It is acceptable to rely on judicial notice for minor, ancillary points. But you never should walk into court thinking that the court will take judicial notice of your entire defence. It’s just too risky.”
“But how am I going to rustle up a witness in time for this afternoon?”
“Worry about that after you leave my office. I can’t help you with that. What I want to know, is why you’re doing this at the last minute.”
“What makes you think I’m doing this at the last minute?”
“Because you never would have resorted to judicial notice if you were properly prepared. If you’d opened this case a bit earlier, you’ve have everything lined up. But you got to work on it late, and so you want to rely on judicial notice. You’ve messed up, Calledinthe90s, and you know what my rule is when you mess up.” Cecil-Rowe didn’t extend aid to me, until I admitted the error of my ways. It was infuriating, but he was inflexible. So I fessed up.
“My idiot cousin Ray’s been trying to retain me for almost two weeks, but I was putting him off because I was mad at him. So now my wife’s mad at me, and if I don’t win this case, I’m dead. Plus her dad’s mad at me too and --” My brain roared into overdrive, a mess of family and law and fear, and at the centre of it, thoughts of Angela’s anger and her father. My mind took off, and then came to an instant halt at a helpful destination.
“Yes?” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Sorry. I just realized how to solve the evidence problem. Look, can I ask you about the thing I actually came here to ask you about?”
“You have a problem that’s worse than having no evidence? What could be worse than -- oh. You don’t have a retainer. Your client doesn't have any money.”
“Exactly. How do I get paid? That’s the problem.” I explained that Ray had no money, as in none, and that if he did have money, he wouldn’t spend it on me. Instead, he’d go back downtown and throw his cash at some big firm, who would take on his case, and proceed to lose it in a calm, careful, sober manner, ending in a reporting letter to Ray telling him that he’d lost.
“Now that’s a problem I can solve,” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Really? ‘Cause I can’t see a way around it. I think I’m gonna have to do this for free, and that really pisses me off.” Cecil-Rowe shook his head.
“You may or may not get paid, but you can set things up so that if you win, you’ll win pretty good.”
“How? Ray’s a deadbeat. Tapped out.”
“But is he desperate?”
“Totally. The first time he failed, he lost his own money, but if he goes under this time, he’s taking family money with him, and he’ll be the black sheep forever.”
“And he’s using family to emotionally blackmail you into helping him?’
“Like no shit. That’s the part that pisses me off the most. I’m like a goddamn slave, being forced to work for free.”
“Never fear, young apprentice. I have just the thing in mind.” He reached into a drawer, and pulled out a form. “Fill in the blanks, and have him sign.”
I looked it over, and saw that the document was a retainer agreement. I whistled. “Holy shit. If he signs this, he’s almost my slave.”
“Close, but not quite” Cecil-Rowe said, “the Latin term for this is "contractus pro venditione animae"”. It’s the ultimate retainer agreement. Once Ray signs that, you own any cause of action he has against the person suing him. You can settle the case on any terms you like, and you get to keep whatever proceeds there are.” Cecil-Rowe placed the folder back in a drawer, and from his manner you could tell that the interview was over.
“Awesome, Mr. C. I’ll call you from Commercial Court when we’re done.”
“Commercial Court?” he said.
“Yeah, Commercial Court.”
“This just keeps getting worse. Take notes, Calledinthe90s, while I school you on Commercial Court. Commercial Court is a jungle, and without preparation, you’ll get savaged.”
“That’s what happened to Ray when--”
“Take notes, young apprentice,” he said, tossing me a pad and a pen. He started to lecture, and I took notes that I have with me to this day, in a safe deposit box downstairs in the vault at Mega Bank Main Branch.
* * *
By the time Cecil-Rowe finished schooling me, it was close to ten, and the case started at two. I didn’t have much time. I ran down the hall to my office, and called Ray’s restaurant. No answer. Then I called Ray’s house. I expected to get Ray’s wife, but the man himself answered.
“You’re not at work. Why aren’t you at work?”
“Sy-Co Corp served all my employees with a cease and desist letter. They all got scared and took off. The place is shut down.”
“You gotta fax machine at home?” He did, and asked why.
“I’m taking your case, but only if you sign the paper I’m about to send and fax it back.” I sent the fax, and five minutes later it came back signed, and it was official: Ray had sold me his legal soul.
I went out to the parking lot, got into my beater and drove fast. In less than thirty minutes I reached my destination. I knocked on the door, and when it opened, my diminutive mother-in-law poked out her head. “What a pleasant surprise,” she said.
“Sorry, Mrs. M, but I’m in a super hurry. I gotta rush to get to court to help Ray. But first, I gotta speak to Dr. M.”
“He’s not here,” she said.
“Not here?”
“He’s on his way to his bridge game. He left just a few minutes ago.”
“Where’s the club?”
“He’s walking there,” she said, and pointed down the street.
“Thanks.” I got into my car and headed where Mrs. M had pointed, passing big houses and new project with an “Opening Soon” sign. And walking past it was the figure of Dr. M.
“Hey, Dr. M,” I called out the window. He stopped and looked around, startled. But he didn’t see me, not at first.
“It’s me, Dr. M. Me, Calledin90s.” He leaned forward as if to see me better. I got out of the car.
“Is something wrong with Angela? Or the baby?”
“No, no not at all, sorry to scare you, it’s nothing like that. I need your help.”
“Oh.” He started walking again, and now it was my turn to be a bit stunned, watching my father-in-law walk away from me. I caught up with him in a few quick strides.
“Listen, I really need your help.”
“And I really need to get to a bridge game.”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about Ray.” That brought him to a halt. He turned to me, angrier even than he’d been the night before.
“Did you drive all the way out here just to make fun of me? To remind me of how you won, distracting me with nonsense about Ray’s case?”
“I mean it,” I said, “I can win Ray’s case. I can prove it in a few words.”
“Prove it, then.” So I did. I spoke words, only a few words, but they were the right words to speak to Dr. M, for the words I spoke were in his language, words that he understood perfectly.
“I understand,” he said, “you’ve come to boast some more, to prove that you were right after all.”
“I want to win Ray’s case, but I don’t have any proof of what I’m saying.”
“You don’t need to prove that two plus two is four.”
“This, I gotta prove, and I need you to help me prove it. I need you to come to court with me, as my witness.”
“I can’t do that. I didn’t witness anything.”
“As my witness. My expert witness.” Unlike a normal witness, an expert witness can give an opinion. An expert is there not to advocate, I explained to Dr. M but to instruct, to teach.
“My bridge partner won’t be very happy,” he said.
“But Ray will, and so will Mrs. M and Angela and--”
“Very well. Do you have a cell phone? We can call the bridge club from my car.”
* * *
We were on the highway getting close to the downtown exit, when my wife called my cell phone. Back then cell phone service was super expensive and my wife only used it for emergencies. Or when she was really angry. I picked up the phone, wondering which it would be.
“I’m so happy that you made things up with my father,” she said.
“How did you know?”
“My mother called. She says you took him with you, that you went out together.”
“He’s with me right now,” I said.
“Where are you going?”
“To court. Going to court to win Ray’s case for him.”
“And you brought my father with you to watch?” She was so happy, I could hear in her voice that she was smiling. “That’s a great way to bond with him, Calledinthe90s. Look, I’m sorry I got so mad at you earlier, I really am. My dad’s a bit too sensitive and--”
“Sorry, Angela, your dad’s not coming to watch me.”
“Why is he with you, then?”
“He’s my witness,” I said.
“What?”
“His expert witness,” Dr. M said, loudly enough for Angela to hear.
My wife’s anger exploded into the phone. She wanted to know how I could expose her elderly, vulnerable father to the stress of a court case. I tried to tell her how I needed him, how there was literally no one else I could turn to, that her father was an expert, a true expert, and the judge was legally bound to believe him, but Angela heard none of this.
“Look,’ I said, “I promise you that--” And then I lowered the phone and pushed the red button, terminating the call. I’d learned that the best way to hang up on someone, was to do it when I was doing the talking. That way it looked like the call had dropped.
“I’m going to steal that move,” Dr. M said.
We rolled into the parking lot. I grabbed the cloth bag out of the back of my car, the bag that held my law robes and shirt and tabs, plus the other stuff I needed for court. It was one-thirty, still thirty minutes to go, not a lot of time to get robed and ready for court. It was just past one-forty five when I, with Dr. M in tow, opened the door to a courtroom on the eighth floor of an old insurance building that had been converted into a courthouse, the home of Commercial Court.
“Commercial Court is an exclusive club,” Cecil-Rowe had explained to me earlier that day, “the legal playground of the rich and powerful. They’ll know instantly that you’re not one of them.” And he was right. It was clear from the moment I walked in that I did not belong, for I was the only lawyer in robes. Everyone else was wearing a suit, and not some cheap thing off the rack like I wore.
There were a half-dozen lawyers present, and after they saw me, they exchanged knowing looks about the stranger amongst them. I ignored them, and walked up to the Registrar. I told him the case I was on, and he signed me in.
“First time in Commercial Court?” he said, eyeing my robes. “You know you don’t have to be robed in Commercial Court.” In other Superior Courts, you always had to bring your robes and get all dressed up. But Commercial Court had its own set of rules, and in the court for rich people, their lawyers did not have to wear robes.
“You’re here on the Sy-Co case?” a young woman asked. She was a junior like me, give a year or two either way. She was dressed in the finest downtown counsel fashion, some designer thing that Angela would know if she saw it.
“Just got retained,” I said.
“You know there’s no adjournments, right? We don’t do adjournments in Commercial Court. I’m just trying to be helpful, because I don’t think you've been here before. You know you don’t have to be robed, right?
“So I heard.”
“So where’s your material? You haven’t served anything, so how do you plan to argue your case?”
“I gotta witness,” I said.
She smiled. “There’s no viva voce evidence, either. Affidavit only.”
“We’ll see what the judge says.” There was a knock from the other side of the door to the judge’s chambers, and then the man himself entered.
I was amazed to see that even the judge wasn’t wearing a robe; instead, he was wearing a light coloured suit and a bright blue bow tie. He was dressed as good as the lawyers, all part of the downtown Commercial Court club, the playground of the richest and most powerful corporations in the City.
“Commercial Court’s not like other courts,” Cecil-Rowe told me earlier that day, explaining that most cases were over in fifteen minutes or less. A plaintiff showed up with some papers, and had a short consultation with the judge. The judge signed an order granting an injunction, or taking away a man’s business, or freezing his money. Commercial Court is where you went to get quick and simple court orders that eviscerated your opponent before the case even got going.
Defendants would appear sometimes in Commercial Court, Cecil-Rowe explained, but it was usually their last time up. Defendants always died a quick death in Commercial Court.
The judge took his seat, and then looked over the lawyers before him. His eyes moved along, and then stopped when they reached me, the one lawyer who was not like the others.
“You don’t need robes in Commercial Court,” the judge said to me.
“I’ll remember that for next time,” I said.
“What case are you on?”
I told him.
“He’s filed no responding materials,” my opponent said, “nothing at all.”
“I’m just vetting the list,” the judge said, “I’ll circle back to you two in a few minutes.” I listend while the judge vetted the rest of the afternoon list: a Mareva, plus a Norwich order, with counsel on those cases sent away in a matter of minutes.
Now the courtroom was almost empty, just the judge, two lawyers, the registrar and my star witness and father-in-law, Dr. M, who sat in the back of the courtroom dressed in an old business suit, put on hastily at his place two hours earlier, when I urged him to hurry it up, to not waste so much time on picking a suit.
“Back to you,” the judge said, addressing my opponent, “I thought this was an uncontested matter. That’s what your confirmation sheet said.”
“I’m sorry, Your Honour, but I didn’t know until I got here that the case was defended.”
“I got retained at the last minute,” I said, “barely three hours ago, the day after I read the papers. But I’m ready to go, ready to argue the case on the merits, so long as you grant me an indulgence, and let me call my witness, to let him testify in person instead of by affidavit, there being no time for me to draft anything.”
Opposing counsel was on her feet. “That’s not how things are done in Commercial Court,” she said, “or any court that I know of, for that matter. My friend (that’s what they make lawyers call each other in court, ‘my friend,’ even though you might hate the other guy’s guts),” the lawyer said, “my friend should have served his responding materials and filed them with the court. Instead, he’s taken us totally by surprise.”
“I’m sorry my friend is surprised by opposition,” I said, “but then consider, it’s my client’s livelihood that’s at stake. If my friend gets her injunction, Ray Telewu’s business is dead, and he loses everything. So yes, my client opposes the injunction, and yes, I’d like to call evidence.”
The judge didn’t consult the papers before him nor the books, but instead, he looked up at the big white clock on the courtroom wall. Its hands said two-fifteen.
“How long will your witness take, counsel?”
“In chief, ten minutes.” I’d practiced with Dr. M on the way in, and I was pretty sure he could do it in five, but I gave him a bit of extra time, just in case.
“We’ve got about two hours,” the judge said, “but I want to be fair to you and your client. Let’s take a fifteen minute recess so you can get instructions. Either we go ahead today with viva voce evidence, or we adjourn, and that will give Calledinthe90s time to file responding materials.”
When everyone came back, the junior’s boss was there, Senior Counsel, a heavy weight, one of those big guys downtown. Plus they brought this guy from Sy-Co Corp, the head of some bullshit division, with some bullshit title, Head of whatever, so that’s the title I’ll give him here. He was The Head. He was the man, the big cheese, the signer of the affidavit on which Sy-Co relied that day.
“What’s he doing here?” I asked Senior Counsel.
He stared at me, all lean and steel grey, looking every inch the hard hitting lawyer that commanded the biggest fees. “If you’re calling a live witness, then so can we. The Head will give evidence today, in advance of your client, so that the judge hears it from him first.” His junior smirked at me, and the two of them sat down, delighted that they’d thought of a way to one up me.
Except that they’d done it by exposing their client to cross-examination. The judge came in, allowed the Head to testify, and when he was done, I stood up.
“Just a few questions,” I said. Senior Counsel was stunned for an instant, and then he stood.
“This serves no purpose, Your Honour. The witness has confirmed the simple facts of his affidavit, and there’s no disputing it. Ray Telewu opened a restaurant less than seventy-one kilometres from Bixity City Hall, and that’s in breach of the Minutes of Settlement he signed.”
I did not bother to respond. Instead, I just stood, and I started to ask questions.
“Have a look at that map in your affidavit,” I said, and he did. I picked up my copy, and tore the map out of it. I passed it up to him.
“What do you notice about this map?”
“That it’s accurate,” the Head said, repeating his evidence in chief, amplifying it, talking about how the map contained perfect measurement.
“You will notice that the map is flat,” I said, laying it on the witness box before him.
“Of course it’s flat. That’s what maps are. Maps are flat.”
“But the earth is round,” I said, “or more properly, a sphere.” Senior Counsel was on his feet in an instant.
“What difference does that make?” he said.
“What you’ll hear from my expert witness, is that a flat map cannot accurately show Earth’s curves. A flat map distorts distances, and in this case, reduces them.”
“But that can’t be by very much.”
“In this case, by just over twenty meters,” Dr. M said from the back of the court.
“That’s my expert witness, the esteemed Dr. M.” I didn’t actually say Dr. M. Instead, I said his real name. But I’m not going to use the real names of my family here, so I’ll just keep calling him Dr. M. “Dr. M was a professor of Physics at the University of Bixity for almost thirty years. He has published numerous papers on particle physics, and is the first Canadian winner of the Wolf Prize for physics.”

• * * *

It went downhill after that for Sy-Co Corp. My father-in-law testified, explaining in simple language, language that even a child could understand, that the Earth was a sphere, that the shortest distance between two points on Earth was a curve, not a straight line. He summarized his calculations in plain English, dumbing down the math, so that everyone present imagined, if only for the moment, that they shared his understanding of a difficult mathematical equation.
Senior Counsel tried to cross-examine Dr. M, but it did not go well, my father-in-law indulging him, gently chiding him, continuing his explanations until the lawyer sat down, defeated by Dr. M’s mastery of the subject,his own lack of preparation and his inability to improvise. When counsel said that he had no further questions, the judge addressed us all.
“I’m not going to reserve, and I don’t think I need to tell everyone why. I think it will take about a minute for me to write a decision saying that the Earth is not flat. I’ll give you some more time after that, but after fifteen minutes, I”ll be back to render my decision.” He rose, everyone bowed, and he disappeared behind the door to judge’s chambers.
I pulled a piece of paper out of my file, and slammed it on the desk before Senior Counsel and his junior. “Fill in the blanks, and sign,” I said.
Dr. M’s head shot up at the commotion, and he shuffled over to see what was going on.
“What’s this?” Senior Counsel said, picking up the paper I gave him..
“Minutes of Settlement. You fill in a number, a big number, for the costs you gotta pay me. Your client signs, and then we’re done.” Senior Counsel opened his mouth to bargain, but I overrode him.
“You know your client’s going to lose; the judge made that obvious. Hurry up if you want to settle; we don’t have much time.”
At the end of most Canadian court cases, the loser has to pay at least part of the winner’s legal fees. That’s the way it’s been since forever, and I think it’s a good rule. Sy-Co Corp had lost, so it had to pay a good chunk of Ray’s costs, and Ray’s costs were somewhere between whatever bullshit figure I claimed they were, and where they actually ought to be. Senior Counsel took the paper over to his client. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back, with the form signed, and a number written in the blank space.
I’ll give it to Sy-Co Corp and their lawyer. It wasn’t a bullshit number, a low ball number. They gave me a real number, a number more like something I’d actually accept, a number that made sense to pay me in costs, in light of the success I’d had, and how I got it. It was a respectful number, a common sense number, and I appreciated it an awful lot.
I tossed the paper back at them.
“Add a zero,” I said, continuing on when Senior Counsel blanched, and his junior retreated a step. “I know what’s going on here. Your client sold mine a bullshit franchise, one with a history of failing.” The franchise had opened up again under a new owner not long after Ray had lost it and then it promptly failed again. Like I said at the start of this story, it’s an old story. It’s how some franchise companies make money. “Your client makes more money selling bullshit franchises doomed to fail, then it does from the honest ones that make money. So add a zero to that number, or Ray’s gonna sue you, class action and all that, for all the people you’ve fucked.”
The Head stepped forward from the benches and spoke to me.
“We get threats like that all the time, but no one follows through. They don’t have the money to fight us, and neither does your client. So go ahead and sue.”
“It’s true that Ray doesn’t have jack shit,” I said, “not a pot to piss in, but he’s my cousin, Ray is, and even if he doesn’t have money, he’s got me. Ray’s family, and for Ray, I’ll sue you guys for free. Hell, I’ll even pay the expenses. Plus I’m gonna put a jury notice in, too, come to think of it, ‘cause juries--”
Senior Counsel cut me off, and moved his client to the back of the courtroom. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back. I watched as Senior Counsel wrote a single digit on the Minutes, a zero, written right where I wanted it.
“You’ll have to initial the change,” I said to the Head of Sy-C0, and it gave me great satisfaction to watch him sign.
“Don’t forget,” I said the moment his pen stopped moving, “for the settlement to be valid, I need to get the money today. Right now.”
“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” the Head said.
“Not if you want the settlement to stay in place. I’ll follow you back to your office, and you can put a cheque in my hands.”

• * * *

“What’s this?” my wife said when I entered the apartment later that day, after I’d driven Dr. M home, stopping first at a local pub for beers.
“It’s an absurdly expensive bunch of flowers,” I said, “although no flowers, however beautiful, however expensive, could expiate my--”
She took the flowers, and gave a kiss.
“My mom called. She told me what happened. You fixed things with my dad.”
“Yup,” I said. I had certainly done that. I’d made Dr. M a professor again, if only for a few minutes. Not only a professor, but an expert witness. The judge had declared him an expert in plain terms and Dr.M had beamed when he’d heard those words.
“And you won Ray’s case, too. But my mom didn’t know how, and I don’t know how you did it either.”
“I’ll tell you over dinner tonight,” I said.
“But we agreed no more dinners out; we have to save money, now that a baby’s coming.”
I passed her the envelope that I’d received a few hours before. She opened it, and took out a cheque, a cheque drawn up for an amount I specified, made payable to Mr. and Mrs. Calledinthe90s.
The moment I got that cheque, all I could think about was how my wife would react when I put it into her hands. I could not wait to see her eyes bulge, to hear her voice say “oh my god,” to hear her laugh.
She did none of these things. Instead, she cried.
“Does this mean we can buy a house?” The money wouldn’t be enough to buy a house, not nowadays, with prices being so crazy. But things were different back then in the 90s. Sure, the internet was barely a thing and cell phones were super expensive and a lot of things sucked, but I’ll give the nineties one thing: houses were cheap.
“I think so,” I said.

[JUNE]
Week 1, June 2001
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[1.6 ROAD TO GREAT AMERICAN BASH!!] “EIGHT MAN MAYHEM”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] The Championship Committee make Flair an offer
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,586
Overall Rating 58
Kevin Nash and Booker T exchanged words to end the show
Booker T, Diamond Dallas Page, Rob Van Dam and Ric Flair beat Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, Jeff Jarrett and Mike Awesome
Gene Okerlund spoke with Vampire and Goldberg
Dustin Rhodes beat Curt Hennig
Buff Bagwell beat Bam Bam Bagwell
Yoshihiro Tajiri & Sting beat Kanyon and Lex Luger
Sabu beat Jim Duggan
A confrontation between Sting, DDP, Lance Storm, Rena Mero and Mike Awesome
Sabu and Rob Van Dam were with their manager Bill Alfonso and Gene Okerlund
Bobby Henan and Kanyon addressed Lex Luger ahead of their match at Great American Bash
Vampire & Goldberg beat 3 Count (Evan Karagias & Shannon Moore)
Shane Helms, Lizmark Jr, Rey Misterio Jr, Super Crazy, Volador Jr beat Chavo Guerrero Jr, Damien 666, La Parka, Vilano V and Masato Tanaka
Lance Storm beat Hugh Morrus
The Championship Committee (Arn Anderson, Steamboat, Piper, Funk) and WCW President offer Ric Flair a spot on the Championship Committee. He turns it down to focus on his and Dustin Rhodes WCW Tag Title match at Great American Bash
[DARK] The Mamalukes beat Elix Skipper & Kid Romeo
◆Show Notes
Cash, Jamie Knoble, Big Vito and Johnny Ace were fined due to behavioural incidents.
Curt Hennig was injured in his match (out 16 days)
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was rated 0.11 with 82,885 viewers with 1,316,070 views overall.
◆Roster Changes
Jim Duggan was released from his contract, a cost of $103,200 to the 2001 budget
Johnny Ace was released from his contract at no cost to the budget
Jimmy Hart was released from his contract at no cost to the budget
Miss Jones was released from his contract at no cost to the budget
Ernest Miller was released from his contract, a cost of $78,600 to the 2001 budget
Don Callis has agreed a one year per show handshake deal with no downside.
Dory Funk Jr has agreed an ongoing per show handshake deal with no downside.
Harley Race has a greed an ongoing per show handshake deal with no downside.
Fit Finlay has agreed a one year per show handshake deal with no downside.
Larry Zbyszko has agreed an ongoing per show handshake deal with no downside.
Scott Hudson was released from his contract at no cost to the budget
Week 2, June 2001
________________
[7.6 ROAD TO GREAT AMERICAN BASH!!] “WHOSE NEXT?”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] The final stop before the Bash
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,601
Overall Rating 61
Goldberg beat Masato Tanaka
Kevin Nash and Booker T discussed their World Title match at Great American Bash
Diamond Dallas Page and Sting Jeff Jarrett and Shane Douglas
La Park and Rey Misterio trash talked each other
Booker T, KroniK (Brian Adams and Bryan Clark), Rob Van Dam and Sabu beat Kanyon, Lex Luger, Buff Bagwell and The Steiner Brothers
Vampiro beat Big Vito
A video promoted Legacy (Ric Flair and Dustin Rhodes)
Fit Finlay beat Hugh Morrus
Jamie Noble beat Elix Skipper
Bobby Henan and his client Kanyon confronted Lex Luger
Kevin Nash beat EZ Money
Director of Talent Acquisition spoke with Stacey Keibler and her client Vilano V, Don Callis and his client Damien 666
Konnan, Billy Kidman, Rey Misterio Jr, Silver King and Tajiri beat Vilano V, Damien 666, Chavo Guerrero Jr, Lance Storm and Mike Awesome
There was an confrontation between Goldberg and Vampire and Shane Douglas and Jeff Jarrett.
Gene Okerlund is joined by Tajiri, James Mitchell and Buff Bagwell to discuss their Great American Bash match.
Goldberg is getting ready backstage
The show opened with Sabu/RVD and the Steiner Brothers fighting backstage.
[DARK] Alex Wright, Bam Bam Bigelow, Norman Smiley and Lash Leroux beat Mike Jindrak, Mike Sanders, Evan Karagais and Shannon Moore
[DARK] Super Crazy beat Sean O’Haire
◆Show Notes
Stevie Ray was fined for a behavioural incident.
◆[GREAT AMERICAN BASH]:”ALL MATCHES CONFIRMED!”
Booker T v Kevin Nash - WCW World Heavyweight Title
Diamond Dallas Page v Lance Storm
Sting v Mike Awesome
Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas v Goldberg & Vampiro
Dustin Rhodes & Ric Flair v Rob Van Dam & Sabu v Scott & Rick Steiner v Kronik - WCW Tag Team Titles
Buff Bagwell v Tajiri
Lex Luger v Kanyon
Shane Helms v Chavo Guerrero Jr v Billy Kidman v Super Crazy- WCW Cruiserweight Title
Rey Misterio Jr v La Parka
TV Title Battle Royal
◆Show Notes
WCW Nitro’s TV rating was 0.11 with 86,294 viewers with 1,377,515 viewers overall.
◆Roster Changes
Jeremy Borash was released from his contract at a cost of $33,600 to the 2001 budget.
Billy Gunn has agreed a six month per show agreement with no downside.
Steve Corino has agreed a one more handshake per show agreement with no downside.
[13.6 A NEW!] “WCW Great American Bash Live On Pay Per View”
[Oasis Hall, CA] Turn Up The Heat
◆”Big Bang” Pay Per View
Oasis Hall, CA with 8,633 in attendance
Overall Rating 63
Post Match Booker T and Nash shook hands.
Booker T beat Kevin Nash to retain the WCW World Heavyweight Title
Steiner Brothers beat Legacy (Flair and Dustin Rhodes), Rob Van Dam & Sabu and Kronik to become the new WCW World Tag Team Champions (fall at second defence)
Diamond Dallas Page beat Lance Storm
Gene Okerlund interviewed Ric Flair and Dustin Rhodes about the WCW Tag Team Title match tonight
Rey Misterio Jr and Kevin Nash bumped into each other backstage
Sting and Mike Awesome went to a double DQ
Sting was getting ready backstage
Vampiro & Goldberg beat Shane Douglas and Jeff Jarrett
DDP ran into Lance Storm backstage
Yoshiro Tajiri beat Buff Bagwell
Kevin Nash spoke about Booker T ahead of the main event
James Mitchell and his client Tajiri confronted Buff Bagwell ahead of their match
Rey Misterio Jr beat La Parka
Mike Tenay caught up with Booker T ahead of the Main Event.
Super Crazy beat Shane Helms, Billy Kidman and Chavo Guerrero Jr to become WCW Cruiserweight Champion
Kanyon beat Lex Luger
The Championship Committee (Arn Anderson, Ricky Steamboat, Terry Funk and Roddy Piper) with WCW President Eric Bischoff present Fit Finlay the Championship belt
30 Man Battle Royal for the TV Title: Fit Finlay wins, Masato Tanaka made the most eliminations with the final four being the debuting Steve Corino and Billy Gun alongside Konnan.
[DARK] Lash Leroux beat Kid Romeo
◆Show Notes
Yang and Hugh Morrus were fined due to behavioural incidents.
◆Business Notes
WCW Great American Bash had a buy rate of 0.10 (54,714 buys)
WCW Great American Bash was shown internationally with a TV rating of 0.11 (86,151 views) with 150,637 viewers overall.
Week 3, June 2001
________________
[21.6 WCW LIVES ON!] “THE FALL OUT FROM LAST NIGHT”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] Tag Main Event
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,791
Overall Rating 60
Kevin Nash and Goldberg carried on their disagreement
Steve Corino and Jeff Jarrett beat Goldberg and Kevin Nash after a miscommunication from Goldberg and Nash
Bobby Heenan with Kanyon confronted WCW World Champion Booker T.
Booker T, Sting, Diamond Dallas Page, Vampiro beat Kanyon, Shane Douglas, Lance Storm and Mike Awesome by DQ
Billy Gunn beat Bryan Clark
Rey Misterio beat Rick Steiner
Rob Van Dam & Sabu beat Buff Bagwell & Lex Luger
Fit Finlay beat Alex Wright to retain the WCW World TV Title (first defence)
Team Canada (Mike Awesome & Lance Storm) and Sting, Diamond Dallas Page have an in ring confrontation.
Goldberg is walking backstage
Vampiro cuts a promo on Curt Hennig
Ric Flair beat Vilano V
Yoshihiro Tajiri beat Terry Funk
Ric Flair discusses his match with Vilano V
Championship Committee members Terry Funk and Roddy Piper are confronted by Tajiri and his manager James Mitchell
[DARK] Scott Steiner beat Dustin Rhodes
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro’s TV rating was 0.11 (87,155 viewers) with 1,375,028 overall.
◆Bash at the Beach ~CARD SO FAR
Booker T v Kanyon - WCW World Heavyweight Title
Goldberg v Kevin Nash
Vampiro v Curt Hennig
Lance Storm v Sting
Diamond Dallas Page v Mike Awesome
Week 4, June 2001
________________
[28.6 WCW LIVES ON!] “STEINER AND RHODES DO BATTLE”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] More matches are made for the Bash at the Beach
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,761
Overal Rating 60
Scott Steiner beat Dustin Rhodes
Diamond Dallas Page beat Booker T and Masato Tanaka for the WCW United States Heavyweight Title, with Kanyon watching on
Goldberg beat Lex Luger
Cash, Chavo Guerrero Jr, Damien 666 and La Parka beat Jamie Knoble, Great Sasuke, Yang and Kaz Hayashi
Champion Committee members Arn Anderson & Roddy Piper were in the Control Centre hyping up Konnan & Rey Misterio Jr v Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas and Tajiri v Super Crazy matches set for Bash at the Beach
A confrontation between Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) and Totally Buff (Buff Bagwell and Lex Luger)
Steve Corino, Billy Gunn, Curt Hennig and Fit Finlay beat Hugh Morrus, Bam Bam Bigelow, Air Paris and Sean O’Haire
Kevin Nash and Goldberg then brawled in the back
Yoshihiro Tajiri & Kevin Nash beat Super Crazy & Vampiro
Bobby Hennan and Kanyon talked trash of WCW World Champion Booker T
Rick Flair & Dustin Rhodes come face to face with Steve Corino & Billy Gunn
Rey Misterio Jr beats Mark Jindrak
A video recaps the feud between DDP/Sting and Lance Storm/Mike Awesome
Kronik beat Big Vito & Johnny The Bull
Video plays showcasing Rob Van Dam & Sabu
[Dark] Kanyon beats Norman Smiley
◆Show Notes
Jamie Knoble suffered a grade 1 groin strain, he will be out for 2 days
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro rating 0.11 with 86,167 viewers with 1,379,409 viewers overall.
◆Roster Changes
Sean O’Haire requested and was granted his release, he departs at no cost to the budget.
//END OF MONTH REPORT
◆Company Info
Size Small, second in the world
Next Event Bash at the Beach (pay per view)
TV Shows: WCW Nitro (Monday)
◆Financial Summary
Revenue $2,2m ⬇️ $300k
Wages ($2,68m) ⬇️ 220k
Of Which Are Terminations (215k) ⬇️ $172k
Loss ($3.5m) ⬇️200k
Performance ($1.3m) ⬇️ 100k
Reserves $7,4m
◆Active Roster
[FACE]
Singles
Alex Wright
Bam Bam Bigelow
Billy Kidman w/Tygress
Booker T - WCW United States Heavyweight Champion, WCW World Heavyweight Champion
Diamond Dallas Page
Goldberg
Great Sasuke
Hugh Morris
James Mitchell
Jamie Knoble
Kevin Nash
Konnan w/Tygress
Lash Leroux
Lizmark Jr
Norman Smiley
Rey Misterio Jr w/Tygress
Rob Van Dam w/Bill Alfonso
Sabu w/Bill Alfonso
Shane Helms - WCW Cruiserweight Champion
Silver King
Sting
Super Crazy
Vampiro
Volador Jr
Yoshiro Tajiri
Tag Teams
Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) - WCW World Tag Team Champions
Legacy (Dustin Rhodes & Ric Flair)
Jung Dragons (Yang & Kaz Hayashi)
The Mamalukes (Big Vito & Johnny the Bull)
[HEEL]
Singles
Buff Bagwell
Cash
Chavo Guerrero Jr
Chris Harris
Christopher Daniels
Curt Hennig
Damien 666 w/Don Callis
Elix Skipper
EZ Money
Fit Finlay
James Storm
Kanyon w/Bobby Henan
Kid Romeo
La Parka
Lex Luger
Mark Jindrak
Masato Tanaka
Mike Sanders
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner w/Midajah
Shane Douglas
Ultimo Dragon
Vilano V w/Stacy Keibler
Tag Teams
Team Canada (Lance Storm w/Rena Mero & Mike Awesome)
3 Count (Evan Karagias & Shannon Moore)
◆Unavailable
Sid Vicious - Leg Break 10 Months
Ultimo Dragon - Broken Arm - 56 days
◆Personalities
Arn Anderson - Member of the Championship Committee
Eric Bischoff - OwnePresident
Dusty Rhodes - Director Talent Acquisition
Roddy Piper - Member of the Championship Committee
Ricky Steamboat - Member of the Championship Committee
Terry Funk - Member of the Championship Committee / Part Time Wrestler
Larry Zbyszko
Paisley
Mike Tenay
Stevie Ray
Tony Schiavone
Gene Okerlund
[IN/OUT]
In
Don Callis
Dory Funk Jr
Harley Race
Fit Finlay
Larry Zbyszko
Out
Jim Duggan
Johnny Ace
Jimmy Hart
Miss Jones
Ernest Miller
Scott Hudson
Jeremy Borash
Sean O’Haire
Summary
5 signings and 8 departures
[JULY]
Week 1, July 2001
——
◆Bash at the Beach ~MORE MATCHES CONFIRMED
Booker T v Kanyon - WCW World Heavyweight Title
Goldberg v Kevin Nash
Vampiro v Curt Hennig
Lance Storm v Sting
Diamond Dallas Page v Mike Awesome
Flair & Rhodes v Billy Gunn & Steve Corino
Super Crazy v Tajiri - WCW Cruiserweight
Konnan & Rey Jr v Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas
Totally Buff & Kronik
[1.7 WCW LIVES ON!] “THE BRAIN IS OUT FOR BOOKER T”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] Huge one on one matches scheduled
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,782
Overal Rating 54
Booker T and Kanyon w/Bobby Henenan closed the show in the ring.
Rob Van Dam beat Steve Corino
Mike Tenay interviewed DDP, Sting, Lance Storm, Mike Awesome and Reno Mero.
Kanyon beat Dustin Rhodes
Yoshihiro Taijiri, Sting and Super Crazy beat Billy Gunn, Shane Douglas and Jeff Jarrett
Control Center segment promoted Steiner Brothers v Rob Van Dam & Sabu, Vampiro & Curt Hennig, Super Crazy v Yoshihiro Taijir and Vilano V v Bam Bam Bigelow for Bash at the Beach
Ric Flair beat Mike Sanders
Diamond Dallas Page beat Curt Hennig
Rey Misterio Jr & Konnan beat Totally Buff (Lex Luger & Buff Bagwell)
Goldberg and Kevin Nash bumped into each other backstage
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes) tussled on the microphone with Steve Corino & Billy Gunn
Goldberg beat Vilano V
Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas went face to face with Konnan & Rey Misterio Jr
Rick Steiner beat Sabu
[DARK] AJ Styles beat Volador Jr
[DARK] Vampiro beat Chris Harris
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was shown to a rating of 0.10 with 80,029 viewers with 1,252,174 viewers overall.
◆Talent Relations
Norman Smiley's current contract is set to expire at the end of July. He has now agreed a per show handshake agreement with no downside.
◆Roster Changes
TAKA Michinoku has agreed a three month per show handshake agreement with no downside. His WWF contract is set to expire at the end of the month.
Big Vito has been released from his contract at a cost of $45,600 to the 2001 budget
Johnny the Bull has been released from his contract at a cost of $30,000 to the 2001 budget
Chris Harris has been released from his contract at a cost of $16,200 to the 2001 budget
Week 2, July 2001
——
[8.7 WCW LIVES ON!] “FOUR SUPERSTARS MEET IN THE MAIN EVENT”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] Plus... Flair v Booker T
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,748
Overall Rating 58
Goldberg beat Lance Storm, Goldberg and Rob Van Dam in a non-title match
Scott Steiner beat Dustin Rhodes
Promo with Lance Storm, Mike Awesome, Rena Mero, Diamond Dallas Page and Mike Awesome
Booker T beat Ric Flair in a non-title match
Bam Bam Bigelow, Vampiro and Kevin Nash beat Curt Henning, Vilano V and Fit Finlay
Goldberg is getting ready backstage
Rey Misterio Jr beats EZ Money
Vampiro confronts Curt Hennig
Shane Douglas & Jeff Jarrett beat Yang and Kaz Hayashi
Mike Awesome beat Masato Tanaka
Control Centre segment with Dusty Rhodes, Ric Flair, Kevin Nash, Booker T, Goldberg, Steve Corino, Vilano V and Bam Bam Bigelow
Goldberg and Kevin Nash come face to face
Rey Misterio Jr & Konnan confront Jeff Jarrett and Shane Douglas
Rick Flair v Kanyon v Sting ends in a no contest with interference from Mike Awesome and Sabu
Rick Steiner & Scott Steiner fight with Sabu & Rob Van Dam
Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) fight with Buff Bagwell & Lex Luger backstage
Scott Steiner and Rob Van Dam open the show with promos in the ring
[DARK] Yoshihiro Tajiri beat Chavo Guerrero Jr
[DARK] Totally Buff (Buff Bagwell & Lex Luger) beat Norman Smiley and Hugh Morrus
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was rated 0.11 with 83,270 viewers with 1,321,854 views overall.
Roster Changes
Brazo de Platino has agreed a per show agreement with no downside.
Week 3, July 2001
——
◆News
WCW will once again go on the road from August, no longer taping Nitro exclusively at the Hard Rock Cafe & Casino in Las Vegas.
Alex Wright & Hugh Morrus are set to debut as a new heel team 'Futurewave'
Essia Rios turned down an approach from WCW and extended his WWF contract
Masato Tanaka has one month remaining on his per show handshake contract, he has indicated he wishes to leave
◆Roster Changes
Tommy Dreamer has agreed a one year per show handshake agreement with no no downside.
[13.7 WCW LIVES ON!] “THIS IS NO DAY AT THE BEACH”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] Two huge main events
◆”Bash At The Beach” Pay Per View
Toyota Sports Centre, CA in front of 8,418 people
Overall Rating 66
Goldberg beat Kevin Nash
Booker T beat Kanyon to retain the WCW World Heavyweight Title (third defence)
A video hypes up the Goldberg v Kevin Nash main event
Kevin Nash is seen getting ready backstage
Golderbg is seen getting ready backstage
Rob Van Dam & Sabu beat The Steiner Brothers to become the WCW World Tag Team Champions (fall at first defence)
WCW President Eric Bischoff and Championship Committee Member Terry Funk meet with Bobby Heenan and his client Kanyon ahead of his World Title challenge
Diamond Dallas Page beat Mike Awesome to retain the WCW United States Heavyweight Title (first defence)
Sting beat Lance Storm
Kevin Nash speaks to Gene Okerlund about his match with Goldberg
Yoshirio Tajiri beat Super Crazy in a match for the WCW Cruiserweight Title by count out, Crazy retains the title
Scott Steiner, Rick Steiner, Rob Van Dam meet with WCW President Eric Bischoff and members of the Championship Committee Terry Funk, Arn Anderson and Roddy Piper ahead of their WCW Tag Team match
Vampiro beats Curt Hennig
We see a promo video on Sting
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes) beat Billy Gunn & Fit Finlay
Bam Bam Bigelow beats Vilano V
Head of Talent Acquisition Dusty Rhodes announces Steve Corino will not perform tonight, Billy Gunn will now team with Fit Finlay to take on Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes
Curt Henning and Vampiro ran into each other backstage
Totally Buff (Buff Bagwell & Lex Luger) beat Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark)
WCW World Champion Booker T was seen backstage
Konnan & Rey Misterio Jr beat Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas
[DARK]Futurewave (Hugh Morrus & Alex Wright) beat Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
[DARK] Billy Kidman beats Chavo Guerrero Jr
◆Show Notes
Arn Anderson was reprimanded for a behavioural incident.
◆Show Notes
Steve Corino's contract expired the morning of the show, no agreement could be made.
◆Roster Changes
Steve Corino's contract has expired and has departed WCW.
◆Business Notes
WCW Bash At The Beach received a pay per view buy rate of 0.12 with 61,931 buys
WCW Bash At The Beach was shown internationally with a rating of 0.12 with 90,010 views with 162,518 viewers overall.
Week 3, July 2001
——
[21.7 ROAD TO FALL BRAWL!] “TAG CLASH”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] The fall out from Bash at the Beach
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,762
Overall Rating 59
To close the show DDP, Sting, Booker T, RVD and Sabu challenged The Steiners, Team Canada and Fit Finlay to an Elimination Tag match at Fall Brawl.
Diamond Dallas Page & Sting beat Curt Henning & Billy Gunn
Sting and DDP were seen backstage walking to the ring
Goldberg beat Jeff Jarrett and Konnan in a triple threat match
Goldberg and Nash went nose to nose backstage
Fit Finlay beat Shane Helmes to retain his WCW World Television Title (second defence)
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes) crossed paths with Don Callis and his client Damien 666 and La Parka
La Parka, Chavo Guerrero Jr, Damien 666, Vilano V bear Lizamark Jr, Brazo de Platino, Jamie Knoble and Great Sasuke
Terry Funk and Dusty Rhodes cut a backstage promo
Dustin Rhodes beat Masato Tanaka
Sting/DDP and Team Canada (Lance Storm/Mike Awesome), Booker T, The Steiner Brothers and Rob Van Dam went at it in the ring
Scott Steiner beat Bam Bam Bigelow
Rey Misterio Jr beat Sabu
Rob Van Dam beat Cash
Futurewave (Hugh Morrus & Alex Wright) beat Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
Booker T and Fit Finlay crossed paths backstage
Vampiro bumped into Vilano V and his manager Stacey Keibler backstage
[DARK] Lance Storm beat Yoshihiro Tajiri
◆Show Notes
WCW Nitro's TV rating was 0.11 with 85,945 viewers with 1,327,423 viewers overall.
Week 3, July 2001
——
[21.7 ROAD TO FALL BRAWL!] “TAG CLASH”
[Hard Rock Cafe & Casino] The fall out from Bash at the Beach
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in front of 1,771
Overall Rating 59
A video plays confirming the Goldberg v Kevin Nash rematch is set for Fall Brawl
Booker T beats Jeff Jarrett to retain the WCW World Heavyweight Title (defence four)
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dustin Rhodes) beat Kanyon & Billy Gunn
Booker T is getting ready backstage
Kevin Nash beats Shane Douglas
Sabu & Rob Van Dam are attacked by The Steiner Brothers
Booker T and Fit Finlay talk to WCW President Eric Bischoff
Rob Van Dam & Sabu beat Futurewave (Hugh Morrus & Alex Wright)
A highlight reel of Diamond Dallas Page and Sabu was shown...they'll meet next week!
Goldberg beat James Storm
Funk, Rhodes, Flair, Vampire and Dustin Rhodes challenge Totally Buff, La Parka, Vilano V and Damien 666 to an Elimination match at Fall Brawl
Goldberg is seen backstage
Fit Finlay beat Konnan to retain the WCW Television Title (third defence)
Vampiro and Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) beat Curt Hennig & Totally Buff (Lex Luger & Buff Bagwell)
Jeff Jarrett and Shane Douglas talked backstage
Bam Bam Bigelow beat Mark Jindrak
Diamond Dallas Page beat Scott Steiner, La Parka and Tommy Dreamer to retain the WCW Unites States Title
WCW President Eric Bischoff and Championship Committee Members Terry Funk & Arn Anderson confirm Super Crazy will defend his WCW Cruiserweight title at Fall Brawl against Yoshihiro Tajiri and one other!
[DARK] Elix Skipper & Kid Romeo beat Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was broadcast with a rating of 0.11 with 86,713 views with 1,328,284 viewers overall.
◆Bash at the Beach ~MORE MATCHES CONFIRMED
Goldberg v Kevin Nash
ELIMINATION TAG: Mike Awesome, Lance Storm, Rick Steiner, Scott Steiner, Fit Finlay v Sting, Diamond Dallas Page, Sabu, Rob Van Dam and Booker T
ELIMINATION TAG: Dustin Rhodes, Ric Flair Dusty Rhodes, Terry Funk and Vampiro v Buff Bagwell, Lex Luger, Damien 666, La Parka, Vilano V
Super Crazy v Yoshihiro Tajiri v ???
//END OF MONTH REPORT
◆Company Info
Size Small, second in the world
Next Event Fall Brawl (pay per view)
TV Shows: WCW Nitro (Monday)
◆Financial Summary
Revenue 1.9m ⬇️ $300k
Wages ($2,47m) ⬇️ 203k
Of Which Are Terminations (91,8k) ⬇️ $123k
Loss ($3.3m) ⬇️200k
Performance ($1.4m) ⬇️ 100k
Reserves $6m
◆Active Roster
[FACE]
Singles
Alex Wright
Bam Bam Bigelow
Billy Kidman w/Tygress
Booker T - WCW World Heavyweight Champion
Brazo de Platino
Diamond Dallas Page
Goldberg
Great Sasuke
Hugh Morris
James Mitchell
Jamie Knoble
Kevin Nash
Konnan w/Tygress
Lash Leroux
Lizmark Jr
Norman Smiley
Rey Misterio Jr w/Tygress
Rob Van Dam - WCW World Tag Team Champion
Sabu w/Bill Alfonso - WCW World Tag Team Champion
Shane Helms -
Silver King
Sting
Super Crazy - WCW Cruiserweight Champion
Tommy Dreamer
Vampiro
Volador Jr
Yoshiro Tajiri
Tag Teams
Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark)
Legacy (Dustin Rhodes & Ric Flair)
Jung Dragons (Yang & Kaz Hayashi)
[HEEL]
Singles
Buff Bagwell
Cash
Chavo Guerrero Jr
Christopher Daniels
Curt Hennig
Damien 666 w/Don Callis
Elix Skipper
EZ Money
Fit Finlay - WCW World Television Champion
James Storm
Kanyon w/Bobby Henan
Kid Romeo
La Parka
Lex Luger
Mark Jindrak
Masato Tanaka
Mike Sanders
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner w/Midajah
Shane Douglas
TAKA Michinoku
Ultimo Dragon
Vilano V w/Stacy Keibler
Tag Teams
Team Canada (Lance Storm w/Rena Mero & Mike Awesome)
3 Count (Evan Karagias & Shannon Moore)
◆Unavailable
Sid Vicious - Leg Break 9 Months
Ultimo Dragon - Broken Arm - 25 days
◆Personalities
Arn Anderson - Member of the Championship Committee
Eric Bischoff - OwnePresident
Dusty Rhodes - Director Talent Acquisition
Roddy Piper - Member of the Championship Committee
Ricky Steamboat - Member of the Championship Committee
Terry Funk - Member of the Championship Committee / Part Time Wrestler
Larry Zbyszko
Paisley
Mike Tenay
Stevie Ray
Tony Schiavone
Gene Okerlund
[IN/OUT]
In
TAKA Michinoku
Brazo de Platino
Tommy Dreamer
Out
Big Vito
Johnny The Bull
Chris Harris
Steve Corino
Summary
3 signings and four departures
Week 1, August 2001
——
[1.8 ROAD TO FALL BRAWL!] “BACK TO THE MID-ATLANTIC”
[Greenwood Civic Center, SC] Icons collide in the main event
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Greenwood Civic Center, SC in front of 2,188 people
Overall Rating 63
Kevin Nash and Sting go to a non-contest when Goldberg runs in
Ric Flair beat Curt Hennig
Gene Okerlund interviews Rob Van Dam & Sabu and The Steiner Brothers
Ric Flair, Terry Funk, Vampiro, Dusty Rhodes all out Lex Luger and Buff Bagwell.
Diamond Dallas Page beats Sabu to retain the WCW United States title in his third defence
A hype video plays promoting Goldberg v Kevin Nash at Fall Brawl
TAKA Michinoku is confirmed as the third person in the WCW World Cruiserweight Title match at Fall Brawl
Goldberg, Booker T and Vampire beat Fit Finlay, Lance Storm & Mike Awesome
Rob Van Dam beat Jeff Jarrett
WCW President Eric Bischoff meets Mike Awesome, Lance Storm and his manager Rena Mero
Yoshihiro Tajiri beat Billy Kidman
Championship Committee member Terry Funk deals with The Filthy Animals, Jeff Jarrett, Shane Douglas and Kanyon. A 3 v 3 Match is set for Fall Brawl.
Bam Bam Bigelow, Jamie Knoble and Kronik (Bryan Clark & Bryan Adams) beat Lex Luger, Buff Bagwell, Shannon Moore and Evan Karagais
Rey Misterio Jr beats Shane Douglas
Nash arrives at the building
Sting is backstage
Kevin Nash v Sting is set for tonight's main event
[DARK] TAKA Michinoku beat Chavo Guerrero Jr
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro's TV rating was 0.11 with 86,806 viewers and 1,377,944 viewers overall.
◆Roster Changes
Mr Aquila has agreed a three month per show handshake agreement with no downside.
Week 1, August 2001
——
[8.14 ROAD TO FALL BRAWL!] “ACTION AT CENTER STAGE”
[Ceenter Stage, Atlanta] Icons collide in the main event
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Center Stage, Atlanta in front of 1,050
Overall Rating 65
Goldberg beats Buff Bagwell
Goldberg is heading to the ring
Booker T , Diamond Dallas Page & Sting celebrate in the ring before Mike Awesome, Lance Storm and Fit Finally interrupt
Booker T , Diamond Dallas Page & Sting beat Fit Finlay, Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas
Legacy (Ric Flair & Dusin Rhodes) beat Chavo Guerrero Jr & Cash
Kevin Nash beat EZ Money
Tommy Dreamer beats Masato Tanaka
A video plays hyping Rob Van Dam & Sabu v The Steiner Brothers
Lex Luger beats Lash Leroux
The Steiner brothers cut a promo on Rob Van Dam & Sabu
Control Center segment promoting Super Crazy v Tajiri v TAKA Michonoku, Konnan & Rey Misterio Jr v Jeff Jarrett & Shane Douglas at Fall Brawl
Rob Van Dam and Sabu beats Kevin Karagias and Shannon Moore
Kevin Nash hypes his upcoming match with Goldberg
TKA Michinoku, Mr Aquila and La Parka Damien 666, Lizmark Jr and Yoshihiro Tajiri
Ric Flair is joined by Terry Funk and Dusty Rhodes before La Parka, Damien 666 and Don Callis interrupt.
Curt Hennig beat Norman Smiley
Bam Bam Bigelow beat James Storm
Vampire beat Mark Jindrak
Announcers confirm Ric Flair will be speaking later in the show
[DARK]Scott Steiner beat Billy Kidman
◆Show Notes
Volador Jr was fined for poor backstage behaviour.
Lex Luger suffered a Olecrannon Fracture and is out for 24 days.
◆Business News
WCW Nitro received a 0.12 TV rating with 90,880 viewers with 1,447,334 viewers overall. The most watched Nitro since the reboot.
◆Roster Changes
Franklin Foley has signed a two year contract with a cost to the 2001 budget of $8,800
Franlin Foley has joined M-Pro on a 12 month excursion at a cost of $13,2000
Masato Tanaka's contract has expired and he has departed WCW.
[8.20 FALL BRAWL!] “IT'S A BRAWL LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE”
[Norfolk, Virginia] Teams collide
◆”Fall Brawl” Pay Per View
Norfolk Scope Arena, Virginia in front of 10,859
Overall Rating 65
Kevin Nash beat Goldberg
Goldberg left his locker room to head to the ring
Sting, Diamond Dallas Page, Booker T, Sabu, Rob Van Dam and Bill Alfonso celebrated backstage
A video played hyping the main event
Diamond Dallas Page, Sting, Booker T, Rob Van Dam and Sabu defeated Fit Finlay, Team Canada and Steiner Brothers in an elimination tag match.
Yoshihiro Tajiri defeated TAKA Michinoku and Super Crazy to win the WCW Cruiserweight title (
Dusty Rhodes and Terry Funk had a heated debate backstage
The Filthy Animals (Billy Kidman, Konnan and Rey Misterio Jr) defeated Jeff Jarrett, Kanyon and Shane Douglas in an elimination tag match
Kevin Nash was getting ready backstage
Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Dustin Rhodes and Terry Funk beat Buff Bagwell, Billy Gunn, Vilano V, Damien 666 and La Parka in an elimination tag match. Dusty Rhodes and Terry Funk had a miscommunication in the match.
The team of Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Dustin Rhodes, Vampire and Terry Funk hung out backstage
Gene Okerlund interviewed Yoshihiro Tajiri and his manager James Mitchell
Bam Bam Bigelow beat Curt Hennig, Tommy Dreamer and Chavo Guerrero Jr
Futurewave (Hugh Morrus & Alex Wright) & Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark) beat Elix Skipper, Kid Romeo, Shannon Moore & Evan Karagias in an elimination tag match
The announcers put over the main event of Goldberg v Kevin Nash
The team of Lance Storm, Mike Awesome, Scott Steiner, Ric Steiner, spoke to Gene Okerlund
Silver King, Air Raid (AJ Styles/Air Pairs) beat Cash, EZ Money and Christopher Daniels
◆Business Notes
WCW Fall Brawl's buy rate was 0.12 with 61,932 buys
WCW Fall Brawl was shown and received a 0.12 TV rating to international audiences, 90,378 viewers with 163,339 viewers overall.
Week 3, August 2001
——
[8.20 WCW NITRO!] “No.1 Contenders Tournament”
[Punta Gorda, Florida] Who will face Booker T, next?
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Charlotte Harbour Center, Florda in front of 2,000 (SUPER NO VACANCY!)
Overall Rating 65
Show closed with a promo video hyping Booker T v Fit Finlay
Kevin Nash challenged Goldberg to a third match.
Fit Finlay beat Rob Van Dam to become the new World Heavyweight Championship No.1 Contender
Booker T & Goldberg beat Curt Hennig and Billy Fun
Ric Flair and Dustin Rhodes have unfinished business with La Parka and Damien 666
Fit Finlay beat Jeff Jarrett in a semi final match of the No.1 Contenders Tournament
Team Canada (Lance Storm & Mike Awesome) beat Yoshihiro Tajiri & Vampiro
Gene Okerlund interviewed new WCW Cruiserweight Champion Tajiri and his manager James Mitchell who spoke about their win over Super Crazy
Championship Committee Members Terry Funk and Roddy Piper tried to cool things over with Director of Talent Acquisition Dusty Rhodes.
Jeff Jarrett beat Diamond Dallas Page in a No 1 Contenders Tournament Match
Fit Finlay beat Ric Flair in a No 1 Contenders Tournament Match
Rob Van Dam defeated Scott Steiner in the No.1 Contenders Tournament
Kevin Nash and Goldberg are backstage; an argument breaks out
Sting and Kevin Nash went to a no contest when Goldberg, Lance Storm and Goldberg all interfered, both men are eliminated from the No.1 Contenders Tournament
Goldberg arrives at the building, he's not happy
◆Show Notes
Volador Jr was fined for poor behaviour backstage.
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro's TV rating was 0.11 with 86,481 viewers with 1,375,613 viewers overall.
——
[8.20 WCW NITRO!] “No.1 Contenders Tournament”
[Omaha, Nebraska] Who will face Booker T, next?
◆”WCW Niro” TV Show
Omaha Civic Aud Mancuso, NE in front of 1,541
Overall Rating 65
Goldberg & Fit Finlay beat Booker T & Yoshihiro Tajiri and Kevin Nash & Super Crazy
Mike Awesome beat Brian Adams
Goldberg was getting ready backstage
Dusty Rhodes and Terry Funk crossed paths
Diamond Dallas Page beat Mike Sanders
Scott Steiner beat Dustin Rhodes
Kanyon beat Konnan
Billy Kidman & Rey Misterio Jr beat Cash & EZ Money
Rob Van Dam beat Rick Steiner
Sting and Reno Mero were backstage
Ric Flair and Dustin Rhodes crossed paths with La Parka and Damien 666
Scott Steiner and Rob Van Dam went face to face
Vampiro beat Tommy Dreamer
◆Show Notes
Konnan was fined for poor backstage behaviour
Booker T suffered compound frontal bone fracture and was initially set to be out for a year. Surgery was unable to produce a significant improvement and he'll now be out for over a year.
◆Business Notes
WCW Nitro was shown to a TV rating of 0.12 with 91,046 viewers with 1,484,015 viewers overall.
◆Breaking News
WCW World Heavyweight Champion Booker T will be out for over a year. This news comes as the company is rumoured to have made a seven a fourth month of $1m+ losses.
//END OF MONTH REPORT
◆Company Info
Size Small, second in the world
Next Event Wrestle War (pay per view)
TV Shows: WCW Nitro (Monday)
◆Financial Summary
Revenue 1.8m ⬇️ $100k
Wages ($2,2m) ⬇️ 100k.
Of Which Are Terminations (13k) ⬇️ $78,8k
Loss ($3.2m) ⬇️100k
Performance ($1.3m) ⬇️ 100k
Reserves $4.6m
◆Active Roster
[FACE]
Singles
Alex Wright
Bam Bam Bigelow
Billy Kidman w/Tygress
Booker T - WCW World Heavyweight Champion
Brazo de Platino
Diamond Dallas Page
Goldberg
Great Sasuke
Hugh Morris
James Mitchell
Jamie Knoble
Kevin Nash
Konnan w/Tygress
Lash Leroux
Lizmark Jr
Norman Smiley
Rey Misterio Jr w/Tygress
Rob Van Dam - WCW World Tag Team Champion
Sabu w/Bill Alfonso - WCW World Tag Team Champion
Shane Helms -
Silver King
Sting
Super Crazy - WCW Cruiserweight Champion
Tommy Dreamer
Vampiro
Volador Jr
Yoshiro Tajiri
Tag Teams
Air Raid (AJ Styles & Air Paris)
Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark)
Legacy (Dustin Rhodes & Ric Flair)
Jung Dragons (Yang & Kaz Hayashi)
[HEEL]
Singles
Buff Bagwell
Cash
Chavo Guerrero Jr
Christopher Daniels
Curt Hennig
Damien 666 w/Don Callis
Elix Skipper
EZ Money
Fit Finlay - WCW World Television Champion
James Storm
Kanyon w/Bobby Henan
Kid Romeo
La Parka
Lex Luger
Mark Jindrak
Mike Sanders
Rick Steiner
Scott Steiner w/Midajah
Shane Douglas
TAKA Michinoku
Ultimo Dragon
Vilano V w/Stacy Keibler
Tag Teams
Team Canada (Lance Storm w/Rena Mero & Mike Awesome)
3 Count (Evan Karagias & Shannon Moore)
◆Unavailable
Sid Vicious - Leg Break 8 Months, 2 weeks
Booker T - Frontal Bone Fracture - 1 year, 2 weeks
Great Sasuke - 6 days
Lex Luger - 4 days
◆Personalities
Arn Anderson - Member of the Championship Committee
Eric Bischoff - OwnePresident
Dusty Rhodes - Director Talent Acquisition
Roddy Piper - Member of the Championship Committee
Ricky Steamboat - Member of the Championship Committee
Terry Funk - Member of the Championship Committee / Part Time Wrestler
Larry Zbyszko
Paisley
Mike Tenay
Stevie Ray
Tony Schiavone
Gene Okerlund
[IN/OUT]
In
Franklin Foley
Out
Franklin Foley (Excursion)
Masato Tanaka
Summary
1 signing and 2 departures
//- EXECUTIVE NOTES //-

• I am using a TEW 2016 data converted to TEW 2020, it has a lot of issues mainly around personality attributes, everyone - even the most godly person seems to have a hard drug issue or cause issues. This really impacted the moral (0%) and therefore hurt my initial shows. I'm not a fan of playing around with data during a save but it was required to make it playable.
  
• Despite slashing the wage bill with $700k in terminations, and signing replacements on per show deals my basic wage has not changed dramatically, only about $100k.
  
• One unintended consequence of slashing the wage bill has been a massive reduction in Merchandise. I'm making $750k less than my first month. While my live event merchandise sales have increased, I'm $775k down on worker sales.
  
• As one of the few that did watch WCW in 2000, I am surprised you start as small (made even harder by being based South West). Also Hogan was still under contract with WCW until 2002 (just sitting at home), on this data he starts unemployed. Having said that, if he was on your wage bill the challenge would be even harder.
  

If I hadn’t drunk an entire gallon of tea back at the hotel, maybe none of this would’ve happened.
Well, maybe if we hadn’t gotten kicked out of the hotel, none of this would’ve happened.
It had been just the two of us in the small car, but with the animosity heavy on the air, it felt overcrowded. I don’t know what had been worse, the hour of arguing, the two hours of silence afterwards, or the burgeoning realization that maybe I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did.
I studied him out of the corner of my eye. We'd been together for several months, but the recent experience left me wondering if I had ever even met the real Brian – who he truly was on the inside.
It had been our very first trip together.
We'd saved up for one of those super fancy hotels and had been having a great time – until, of course, Brian decided to attempt a five-finger discount in the jewelry store in the lobby.
He'd told me when we first started dating that he'd had some run-ins with the law in the past – when he was young and that was the only way to put food on the table, and I'd understood.
But this wasn't the same. It wasn't for survival, it was just greed.
We’d both spent the rest of our vacation money and then some, paying for that $1,800 watch so no charges would be pressed.
They still kicked us out. I don’t blame them.
Asking him to stop at the next place we came across was the first thing I'd said to him in hours, and he nodded, solemnly.
My discomfort was escalating to the point where I was considering asking him to pull over on the side of the road – rain be damned – when we saw the dim sign flickering in the distance.
The small store was out of place on the quiet, tree lined mountain road. We’d been deep in a tunnel of trees and hadn’t seen so much of a hint of the lights in the distance – it seemed to just appear into view as we went around the bend. I didn't recall seeing it on the way to the hotel, so it was a pleasant surprise.
I felt a flood of relief wash over me.
It stuck out in the otherwise beautiful mountain landscape – windows so dirty that the light inside barely reached us through them – several letters on the sign lit up in such a way that the only word we could even see was a blood red '- MART' flickering.
Any relief I'd managed to feel was short-lived.
When we walked in, we both froze as we took in the interior.
I instantly wished we’d just stopped by the side of the road after all. I looked at Brian and could tell he felt it too – he was fiddling with his new watch and took off his glasses, cleaned them on his shirt, and put them back on, as if that would make what he was seeing make more sense.
There were no other customers, no employees visible, it was just the two of us.
Ceiling tiles hung askew, and the floor was filthy – we had to step over a drain in the floor with grimy stains circling it, to walk in.
If it weren’t for the lights, gentle hum of the AC, and grinding sounds floating from down the long hallway at the back, I’d have thought the place was abandoned.
It was humid inside, and the smell coming from the old coolers that lined the back walls hit me as soon as we walked in. It reminded me of the summer my dad had decided to dabble in taxidermy in our basement.
The slight hint of rot that lingered on the damp air indicated poorly done taxidermy, at that.
As I darted towards the back towards the restroom sign, a placard dangling off it caught my eye, informed me the restroom was for paying customers only.
I quickly perused the shelves for something to buy. The aisles were tall, nearly to the ceiling, and despite the store being somewhat small, I felt the panicked sense of being cornered and trapped in an endless maze – at risk of becoming lost in there forever. The food on the shelves resembled nothing like the usual chips and candy these types of stores carried – there were rows upon rows of soft looking mystery items in plastic wrap, some of them leaked a red-brown residue down the shelves – none of it looked remotely appealing.
I passed by a section with a stained placard that said ‘handcrafted from local artists’ that was filled with eclectic items, none of which seemed to go together.
There were torn shirts with random logos – nothing related to the town or area we were in, stained with mud, grass, and god knows what else. Dried ropy things formed small and delicate sculptures of animals unlike any I’d seen before. I reached for a bracelet with intricately carved white beads but nearly dropped it when I realized the band was made up of woven human hair. It left a residue on my hand, and I noticed then that the same sour-rot smell was coming from the collection of items, too.
I opted for a flat and lukewarm Dr. Pepper instead, and placed two $2 dollar coins on the glass counter in front of the hand scrawled ‘shoplifters will be processed’ sign near the register.
I figured I misread it, after all it, looked like it had been written by a hand unused to holding a pen.
Brian had grabbed an armful of those unnerving plastic-wrapped packages but hovered at the counter a bit too long. I could hear the scrape of him retrieving the coins on the glass, the sound of him dropping them into his pocket.
He gave me a pointed stare as he did so.
I sighed, so tired of arguing that I just walked away from him and down the hallway. I figured I’d pay (again) after he got back in the car.
No sooner had I closed the door to the women’s room behind me, than I could hear him talking to someone.
His voice rose until he was nearly yelling. Mortified and trying to delay being involved in another incident that day, I splashed water on my face while trying to drown out what appeared to be a one-sided argument.
I kept trying to wash the grimy feeling that had lingered on my hands after picking up the bracelet, but no matter how I scrubbed, I couldn’t get it off – it kept getting worse.
I felt nauseous when I realized the greasy residue was coming from the pale-yellow bar of soap. I decided I’d scrub my hands raw at our next stop, and stepped out into the hall and back to the store.
Brian wasn’t there.
I called out for him, but all I heard in answer was that same vague whirring and drilling sound coming from further down the long hallway.
I double-backed to the car, but found it empty.
I circled the store, my frustration turning to panic as I shouted his name and still got no response.
I called his phone, it just rang, and rang before going to voicemail.
The car was locked and he had the keys, I couldn’t help but feel nervous, standing out there in the rain. We were still in the middle of the deep woods and with clouds obscuring the light of the moon and stars, the area was blanketed in darkness. I reluctantly headed back inside.
Somehow, the smell had managed to become even worse – I gagged when the wet, disgusting air hit my nose again. It was so strong I could nearly taste it, putrid on my tongue.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was always someone just behind me as I walked quickly through the tall aisles, but whenever I looked over my shoulder, there was never anything there.
I called his phone, wondering how I’d managed to lose him in such a small store when I finally heard it ringing – it was echoing from down that long hallway.
As I headed towards it, I heard someone moving on the other side of the floor-to-ceiling aisle, placing something onto the shelf with a sickening wet thud, before weaving lithely through the aisles behind me.
“Brian?” I called out softly, trying to convince myself that everything was fine – trying to disguise my fear.
I knew it wasn’t him – I don’t know how, but I knew it. Have you ever had the feeling that if you look closely enough at something, if you truly see it, you’ll never be able to close your eyes again without it haunting you? That feeling of being in close proximity to something that your fragile mind was never meant to know existed?
I forced myself to turn around anyways.
Once again, whoever or whatever had been there was gone by the time I rounded the aisle, but I heard a gentle clinking sound, and saw a trail of red-pink droplets.
I followed it back to that section – handcrafted from local artists, there was something new hanging from a hook near the shelves – wet, glistening strips dangled from along what looked to be a curved bone with bits of gristle still attached. From one of them hung an expensive men’s wristwatch, another was tied around a shattered, thick glasses lens. Yet another sagged under the weight of car keys. They gently swayed with the motion of having been recently placed. Fluid continued to drip from the still wet viscera and mingled with the mud on my shoes.
Shoplifters will be processed
I didn’t need to see the items down the other aisles to figure out what I was looking at, what must have happened.
I could already tell that we’d never have another argument, ever again.
I heard a door open and close in the back, soft footsteps approaching from down that hallway.
I realized that in my distraction, I'd forgotten to put money back on the counter.
I choked up, but knew there was nothing I could do for him. So, I tossed the first bills I found in my purse onto the floor, frantically untangled the car keys, and in shock, I drove myself the remaining four-hour drive home.
Every so often, along the quiet country roads – those I could've sworn were empty on the drive up – I’d see that grimy building, the sign, '-MART' flashing in the distance.
I didn’t stop once.
I've been home for a week now.
A few nights ago, something triggered a motion alert on my video doorbell, but there was no one there when I checked the footage.
The next morning, I found a cardboard box on my porch – with no stamp or return address.
In it was a torn t-shirt, and several of those now-familiar wrapped packages, putrid fluid leaking out of them through the bottom of the soggy cardboard.
I've received a similar box every night, since.
I don't know if it's meant as a threat, or if due to some sort of twisted interpretation – I’m now a 'paying customer’ – he's slowly being returned to me.
Either way, it turns out that I've gotten to see who Brian was on the inside, after all.
JFR

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About half of the student body was blinded by the sudden and intense flash of light that blanketed the room.
The other half seemed to have reacted in time to shield themselves from that unexpected assault on the senses.
I was part of that latter half.
And what I saw during those precious few seconds of visual overstimulation was nothing short of remarkable.
The walls that had resembled Mal’tory’s dark and dreary office quaked and quivered in place, as if the whole room was a living organism, and we were somehow nestled within its guts.
Each of the ornate wooden panels began dislodging from one another, their formerly flush surfaces cracking, revealing seams where there had been none before. These seams too began expanding, as each of the panels started wobbling, wiggling, then eventually disconnecting from one another entirely; moving independently of one another as if freeing themselves from a long-dormant state.
For a moment, they looked almost like a reptile’s scales when put under magnification.
Then, and without any warning, they began disappearing, each panel violently pulled back and into some dark anomalous void that existed behind the walls themselves; sending the EVI into another fit of spatial error reports.
We were, for a split second, completely wall-less. But not a second after the old walls had been… for lack of a better term — banished to the literal shadow realm, did a set of new walls suddenly take their place.
And quite dramatically too.
As an entirely new wallface suddenly emerged darkness of the void, one that was earthy in tones, and reminded me more of those old teakwood heritage buildings back on Earth. There were fewer embellishments to them compared to the previous Victorian-styled walls, less patterns and ostentatious designs, instead simply going with this less is more approach that left vast empty gaps where decorations and patterns were previously present. It was almost as if they were left empty and bare for a reason.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 475% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
Out of nowhere, dozens of pots, planters, and trellises suddenly embedded themselves through the wall, decorating what was no longer a blank canvas.
Plantlife soon followed this open invitation for a free home, as hundreds of flowers bloomed all across the wall, carefully trimmed and perfectly appointed to the lattice structures they coiled on, with not a single one of them looking too wild or out of place.
The sudden and abrupt remodeling completely threw me off.
At least, until the source of it all suddenly made themselves known.
“Welcome, first years, to Mana-field perception and Light Magic theory.” The voice continued, as through the literal haze of change came a female figure that the EVI had little problem assigning a name and identifier to.
ENTITY IFF CONFIRMED: A109 Apprentice Larial Essen - NEXUS [CORDIAL]
Yet strangely, the metallic footsteps that I’d heard just before she crossed the staff door’s threshold didn’t seem to follow her. Instead, only the apprentice emerged from the door behind the lectern.
She continued towards the lectern with a forced and somewhat stiff poise and gait, her general demeanor identical to how she carried herself prior to the whole crate saga. Which was of course, stern, tired, and completely unyielding; a fact supported by the impeccable posture she used to walk into class.
Though the class’ focus certainly wasn’t on her demeanor, or her posture, nor even on the room that had completely morphed into a completely different space.
No.
It was instead almost squarely focused on the apprentice’s cloak, which was most certainly not black.
This prompted the entire room to erupt into a frenzy of whispers, tempered only by those daring enough to deploy privacy screens.
But before those antics could evolve any further, and before my mind could even catch up with this turn of events, a loud, high-pitched, and unbroken — SHUSH — erupted from the front of the class. Emerging from a certain gorn-like lizard, who’d stood up to face us rather than the apprentice currently manning her podium. “ALL STUDENTS RISE!” He commanded.
To which the entire class followed, with the only two tentative parties being myself and a certain bull.
“ALL STUDENTS FORWARD AND BOW!” He continued, prompting the whole class to follow suit, and from there, receiving a head-tilt’s worth of praise from the apprentice.
“Thank you, Lord Qiv.” The apprentice spoke appreciatively, before setting her sights on the rest of the desks and chairs—
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 200% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—which were subsequently transformed into brighter-toned variants of their formerly dark and depressive selves. “I understand that there may be quite a few lingering questions amongst the crowd that quite a few of you wish to be addressed. In the spirit of ensuring that these needless thoughts and senseless rumors do not come to cloud your mind throughout the rest of class, thereby rendering these lessons moot, I wish for them to be addressed here and now.” Larial announced tacitly, but with a severity that was clearly modeled off of her mentor.
The mood of the room quickly changed following that.
But instead of shifting to the deference and submission in Articord’s class, or the tentative acceptance of Vanavan’s class, there was instead an overarching tone of outright confusion.
It was as if the whole class didn’t know how best to handle the situation.
But whilst the rest of the room remained undecided, with a few shaky hands rising up one by one, a sense of relief quickly washed over me as my emotions finally managed to catch up to the rapidly developing turn of events.
I couldn’t help but to immediately activate the in-armor positional readjustment mode in the suit, allowing myself to just… slouch; as I took in the class with a renewed wave of reprieve.
It was that same feeling you get when you arrive on the day of the test, only to find it delayed by a week. Or that feeling you get when a notification arrives in the dead of night, on the eve of a presentation, to inexplicably announce that the whole project was now put on hold due to some unforeseen event.
But unlike those situations where the why of the situation didn’t really matter… here, it most certainly did.
Which prompted me to listen in, as the questions began flying towards the apprentice.
“If I may be the one so brazen as to offer myself as the voice of the year group, Apprentice Essen?” A certain Auris Ping took the lead, having been chosen by the apprentice amidst a sea of equally inquisitive hands.
“The floor is yours, Lord Ping.” The apprentice proclaimed.
“Thank you, Apprentice.” The bull responded curtly, eliciting a particularly intense glare from the likes of Thalmin. “Where is Professor Mal’tory?”
The apprentice’s features shifted somewhat at that question, as if she wasn’t expecting something that blunt and straightforward right out of the gate. “The professor’s whereabouts are the business of the Academy’s faculty and staff.” She spoke firmly, yet with an authority that she was clearly under equipped to wield. “If you wish to inquire as to the nature of this class going forward, I will be more than happy to-”
A series of hands were raised even before the apprentice had even finished her sentence. Which prompted the overworked and exhausted elf to switch over to another student before she even had time to finish her own thoughts. “The floor is yours, Lady Ladona.”
“Thank you, Apprentice. Now, to clarify, are we to expect you to be teaching us for the rest of this class?” The being, which I could only describe as a butterfly with most of their insectoid-traits toned down, asked politely.
“That is correct, Lady Ladona.”
“And is this expected to continue for… the rest of the month?” Ladona continued, her features shifting if only to show her growing sense of confidence.“The semester perhaps? Or maybe even the rest of the school year?” She continued at a rapid-fire pace, making a point to catch the apprentice off-guard before she could even respond to that first point.
“The responsibility of tutelage has been deferred to me on the basis of Professor Mal’tory’s current inability to fulfill this particular aspect of his responsibilities owing to his current engagements. This will remain so, until the Professor returns from said engagements.” The apprentice responded in that same jaded, no-nonsense tone of voice she’d used during our pre-life debt interactions.
It was, however, woefully inadequate in dealing with the likes of a vicious social predator like Ladona, who immediately waded through the tepid waters towards the first sign of weakness. “So when can we expect his return, Apprentice?” She pushed further, her polite tone of voice acting like a velvet cloth, barely concealing the sharp mandibles beneath it.
“That is something I cannot answer.” The apprentice replied sternly, taking a stand against the shark that had now tasted blood in the water.
“Is this because of a lack of correspondence to the faculty?” The butterfly-person shot back quickly with an innocent cock of her head, her antennae swaying as she did so.
“I am not at a privilege to divulge such details, and that is most certainly not the case, Lady Ladona.”
“My apologies, Apprentice.” Ladona spoke in a calculated show of apologetics. “In any case, am I to assume then that in addition to the responsibility of tutelage, that the responsibilities of proctorship, examination, and evaluation, have likewise been deferred to you?” She shifted gears once more, this time, her question garnered quite a few murmurs to emerge from the rest of the class.
Murmurs which, as the EVI’s little picture-in-picture subtitles hinted at, were all in support of Auris Ping’s right-hand.
“That’s right… are we to assume that an apprentice of all people will be responsible for the evaluation of our performance?”
“I mean, she is an elf, that should count for something right-”
“Have some dignity! Just because she’s an elf, doesn’t mean she has any right to be dictating the fate of our academic progress!”
“That’s right! This is an insult to our titles! How dare they relegate the tutelage of a class to a mere pitiable apprentice! What do they take us for, the dregs of society?”
These hot-takes continued escalating further and further, until finally, and seemingly out of nowhere, several of those voices began dying down seemingly mid-sentence; something had distracted them from their little outbursts.
In fact, as the seconds ticked by, Thacea, Thalmin, and Ilunor turned towards each other knowingly, as if sensing that something was amiss.
That something was soon made clear to me by a sudden uptick of mana that rose from two, to three, to four hundred percent above background radiation.
At which point, several warnings suddenly slammed my HUD.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 400% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
CAUTION: Concentrated Heat-Energy Surge Detected!
CAUTION: Localized Temperature Surge Detected!
Those caution reticles quickly formed just behind the apprentice, hovering ominously over that void-filled doorway, right before a stream of concentrated flames surged forwards towards her.
However, instead of dodging, ducking, or leaping out of the way, she stood firm; her features not even shifting even a little.
As right before the flames made contact, so too did they suddenly stop, as that surge of mana radiation fluctuated wildly—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 200 - 400% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—before suddenly disappearing.
The room was left stunned.
Any remaining conversations were halted mid way, with many of the more chatty students barely even registering what’d just happened.
So for those who lacked situational awareness, and were still very much looking around for the reason why the rest of the class had gone silent, there was a round two to these attacks that erupted as suddenly as the first.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 650% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
This was signaled at first by the cracking of rock and the quaking of the entire room, followed closely by four distinct sinkholes forming along the floor at the very front of the lecture hall. A gurgling, churning noise echoed ominously from deep within the newly-formed holes, like an ancient concrete mixer dialed up to eleven.
Eventually, it stopped.
And soon after, four humanoid earthen behemoths erupted from those sinkholes. Each of them easily towered over the apprentice, whilst each of their fists were at least a full Ilunor in size.
A tense confrontation followed, and a silence that could be shattered by a pin drop soon descended upon the formerly whisper-filled room.
Yet despite it all, the apprentice didn’t move a single muscle, and to top it all off her eyes were closed shut as if in deep thought.
Seconds passed.
Then finally, the four cobblestone golems made their move.
All four moved in sync, their first steps caused the whole hall to shudder, prompting me to instinctively flinch towards my sidearm as the events of the second day hit me harder than a sack of bricks.
The first golem was poised to strike her side—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 300 - 650% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but found itself crumbling before our eyes, as local mana radiation spiked and shifted erratically.
The second golem reached down with its fist, poised to grab the apprentice through the lectern—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 250 - 700% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but like the first, it found itself reduced to rubble, falling where it stood; as rock by rock, it collapsed under its own weight.
The third and fourth golems charged forward together, lunging down fast towards the lectern—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 350 - 725% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but like the first and second, they too found themselves victims to the great equalizer that was gravity, as whatever magical glue was holding them together just up and failed, reducing those humanoid forms into harmless piles of rock.
A few stray rocks did reach the lectern, but were effortlessly swatted away by an invisible barrier, leaving the apprentice and her immediate surroundings completely unharmed.
Silence once more descended on the entire class.
But just like the silence from before, that lull period wasn’t destined to last, as a loud, boisterous, and jolly series of bellowing laughs emerged from behind the void of that door.
I could tell, with immediate certainty, who that voice belonged to.
I didn’t even need the EVI’s tag system for this one.
ENTITY IFF CONFIRMED: A110 Professor Sorecar Latil Almont Pliska - NEXUS [CORDIAL]
“Spectacular work, young apprentice! Spectacular work indeed!” The man came marching through the door, walking up and towards the apprentice.
“Thank you, Professor-Armorer Pliska.” The apprentice responded softly, prompting the armorer to reply with a sharp and brisk bow of his own.
“You can reserve your thanks for after class, I have plenty more exercises where that came from, and each and every one is going to be tougher than the last!” The man proclaimed not-so-discreetly, eliciting a worried expression to form on the apprentice’s face, highlighting the seriousness of the otherwise lackadaisical tone of his voice. “Needless to say, I don’t think you’ll be thanking me much after I’m done with you! The Academy’s gotten a bit softer over the years, and I’m about to make up for lost time before they toss old-Sorecar Latil Almont Pliska back into the workshop!” He paused, before shifting his tone towards a more menacing one. “And that applies to your understudies as well, Apprentice.”
“Now!” The armorer quickly shifted his attention from the apprentice, and towards class, his gesticulations wild, as if making for the apprentice’s slower, more sluggish demeanor. More specifically, he maintained this sort of “Y” posture, with both arms high above his head as he spoke. “For those of you wondering exactly what just happened… well, perhaps it would be best for you to leave the class considering this is exactly the sort of thing we’ll both be expecting of you following the conclusion of this school year! And for those of you who openly doubt the qualifications of our dear apprentice here… just know that she was hand-picked by Professor Mal’tory himself for a reason.” The man paused, before bringing his arms back down to his sides, if only to emphasize his point, before resuming the posture from before. “And until I see a single one of you being personally selected by a black, red, blue, or white-robed professor… I don’t want to hear a single peep of doubt from you lot. At least as it pertains to the apprentice’s ability to teach these classes! And if you need an extra guarantee of such? Well… know that the Academy does not allow an apprentice to teach without supervision from an appointed Professor of the Magical Arts.” He paused, as if for dramatic effect, before pointing both hands down towards himself. “Which just so happens to be the only Professor otherwise free from the burdens of stringent schedules — yours truly!”
To Sorecar’s credit, the murmurs born of inflated egos, and the whispers of dissidence did not once dare to interrupt, or follow-up on the man’s proclamations.
If anything, that entire… display was enough to keep the critics at bay, and the ones on the fence to fully hop back on the side of respect.
At least, until one group decided to tempt fate, deploying a privacy screen.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 350% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
If only for that privacy screen to suffer the same effects as the rest of the spells casted throughout class thus far.
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 100 - 350% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
“Bold! Brash! And indeed, cheeky, if that word still holds true in this era’s vernacular!” Sorecar announced with a laugh that radiated deep from within his armor. “Unlike other classes that prohibit the casting of magic save for practice or demonstrative purposes, I fully allow it, nay, I say, I encourage it! You youths should be free to cast magic whenever and however you like!” The man paused soon after, and once again shifted gears towards a more severe timbre, yet never once losing that lackadaisical personality I knew him for. “But just remember, while you may freely practice these magical gifts you have and hold so highly, doing such in this class is to be considered a direct challenge by yours truly! This is the study of Light Magic and Mana-field Perception, after all! And thus, in the spirit of scholarly competition, I shall take every spell cast as a chance to prove what’s what!”
The man paused, before gesturing towards the apprentice. “Now, for those of you still quite confused with the definition of Light Magic as it pertains to the Nexian vernacular, I shall defer the right of tutelage back to that of our dear Apprentice. The floor is yours, my lady.”
A brief exchange of bows between the teaching duo was had, before the apprentice finally started, now with all doubts and concerns fully addressed not just by words alone, but through action as well.
“As all of you may have already discerned, the demonstration Professor Pliska had so graciously provided, was an attempt to illustrate the most visible effects of Light Magic — that being the detection and subsequent dispelling of active and pre-active spells. The subject of Light magic, thus refers to the study of the detection, dispelling, counterspelling, and disarming of all forms of other magics.”
“And by that definition, it is the single most combative field of magic there is.” Sorecar promptly chimed in with a nod towards the apprentice, almost like he was tag-teaming this opening statement with her; establishing a precedent for the dynamics of the class. “For in order to practice Light Magic, one must be in the presence of an active spell. And in order to truly practice Light Magic, one must be in the presence of active danger, as unlike most forms of magic, unevenness and intensity in casting is key to the successful destabilization of an offending spell.”
“So THAT’S what the fluctuations were.” I thought to myself outloud inside my helmet.
“Moreover—” Sorecar continued, raising his arms into the air once again as if to emphasize his points. “—to the seasoned and the wise, Light Magic as a field is known to be the single most versatile field in existence. For if implemented correctly, it has the capacity to bring all other forms of magic to its knees.”
“Versatility and adaptability are core elements of Light Magic, so while not capable of much harm by itself, it is capable of incredible feats of defense if used correctly.”
To say that I was pleasantly surprised would’ve been an understatement by this point. Because not only was Mal’tory completely out for the count, and not only was he replaced by two of my only cordial relations within the Academy thus far, but the class itself was refreshingly straightforward. There was no mincing around words like Vanavan’s class of lectures, there was also no overt signs of blatant propaganda and indoctrination like in Articord’s class. Instead, this whole class started out with a practical demo of all things, followed up essentially with a breakdown of exactly what we were studying.
“What you observed during the start of class, were just two out of a near-infinite set of examples demonstrating counterspell and dispelling measures, a rather dramatic one I might add but one that you may very well one day use.” The apprentice continued following yet another exchange of nods with Sorecar.
“And indeed, while they may have seemed trivial to the keen-eyed observer, the execution of their dispelling is anything but. Because despite what most misinformed minds may believe regarding counterspelling — dispelling isn’t simply a matter of overpowering an offending spell with a burst of mana, but instead, more akin to the unwinding of a knot, or the picking of a lock. You must act to untangle a spell, until the spell itself falls apart at the seams.” Sorecar continued, before once again swapping the baton with Larial through an exchange of nods.
“Which is exactly why Light Magic continues to be a field forever expanding in its domain.” The apprentice continued. “Because as every other field develops more and more convoluted forms of spells and artificing, so too does Light Magic have to adapt, improvise, and overcome these advanced and oftentimes eclectic means of casting.”
So an arms race… I thought to myself.
“It is, in essence, a pure magic field. Yet it is applied as if it were an applied magical field of study.” Sorecar surmised, prompting me to actually listen in with genuine intent, this marking the first moment I was truly engaged with a class with none of its politics.
“And as for the Mana-Field Perception class?” The apprentice continued with an inquisitive tone of voice. “It’s effectively an extension, or rather, a foundational element of Light Magic depending on how one wishes to view it. Because in order to become proficient in Light Magic, you have to first understand and hone your abilities in order to detect the nuances within mana-streams and mana-fields. It is only through the detection of disruptions and the accurate understanding of a spell being cast, that you are able to apply more advanced abjurations in an attempt to counter these spells. Sometimes even before they’re cast if you’re so inclined to.”
“Now, how many of you can genuinely say you noticed the shift in the room’s aura prior to the casting of that Firestream?” Sorecar asked the crowd, prompting almost every hand to be raised.
“Well that’s just a blatant lie now, isn’t it?” The man retorted bluntly. “I can tell by your reactions just before the Flamespear hit, you know. So please, honestly now, I’m giving you one more chance to answer.”
About three quarters of the class lowered their hands, leaving only the gang, Auris Ping and Qiv’s group, as well as a few other scattered students to maintain their raised hands.
“Alright, that’s about exactly the number I counted from behind the veil! Rightio then!” Sorecar proclaimed through what I could only imagine would’ve been a grin if it wasn’t for his armor. “This is exactly why mana-field perception is necessary. Because to most mages, it is a learned skill rather than an inherent trait. Which, of course, is by no means a demerit! But moreso, a wonderful little oddity in the grander tapestry that is the magical arts and pedagogue!”
The apprentice quickly followed that up with a series of talks once more summarizing the expectations of the class. Mana-field perception was, unsurprisingly, divided into practical and theoretical assessments. Which, at first, seemed to be a potential roadblock, until I realized one fundamental way this class could actually benefit my aims.
“EVI?” I spoke inwardly, as Larial started her lectures on mana-field perception.
“Yes, Cadet Booker?”
“Is there any chance you can maybe interpolate and extrapolate on the Apprentice’s points? As in, is it possible to… visualize magic, as opposed to just alerting me to bursts of it?”
“The mana-radiation visualization project, or MRVP, has been in development for some time, Cadet Booker. The research and development teams however, were unable to create a reliable model for field-use that wouldn’t have been a liability to operations.”
“So it wasn’t field-deployable because of the variance and accuracy issue.”
“Correct, Cadet Booker.”
“Alright, and you said all they needed was more data to create a better model for it, right?”
“Correct, Cadet Booker.”
“Could you… do that with this? Is that within your mission parameters to do so?”
“It is indeed one of the many ongoing projects taking up the bulk of my processing capacity, Cadet Booker. However, proper implementation of this will require additional hardware to be developed, tested, and then field-deployed for testing. The success rate of which is yet to be determined. I cannot guarantee this operation will yield the desired results inferred, Cadet Booker.”
“Alright, that’s good enough for me.” I acknowledged, before turning back to class with a renewed sense of invigoration.
The lecture continued, only stopping about midway as the apprentice realized she’d yet to elaborate on the whole Light Magic class side of things.
Which, it turns out, was more or less similar to Mana-field perception in its assessment criteria — that being a mix of practical and theory assessments. A combination of written exams and practical counterspelling would be expected in tests, midterms, and finals. This would mark my first true hurdle… but then again, perhaps I could balance out the rest of my grades against the practicals which was more or less an impossibility given my obvious human limitations…
“As with most of the classes in the first year, I will treat both periods as one. As both subjects are intertwined, we may see glimpses of both within the same period.” The apprentice continued, before shifting gears towards something else. “And on the topic of periods, since we’re nearing the conclusion of the first, with lunch quickly coming upon us, I believe it to be necessary to inform everyone now of what awaits at the end of this second period.” The apprentice spoke ominously, as she made the effort of meeting every one of the students’ gazes. “By day’s end, I intend for a pair of you to perform a practical demonstration of the fundamentals of light magic. So I expect everyone to pay close attention after lunch.”
A small pause punctuated the room yet again, before Sorecar, after several hours of silence, came to complete the apprentice’s thoughts; his faceplate squeaked to form a shape that just barely gave off the feeling of a smirk.
“Be prepared, and be ready, for your first real brush with magical dueling.”
“First being the operative word here, I must add.” The apprentice quickly clarified. “Within the bounds of demonstrative purposes.”
I could just about hear the band rounding out the corner outside the hall, and I could just about see a few students ready to pack up their things for lunch.
However, before the band could arrive, Thalmin unexpectedly stood up, raising his hand in the process.
“Yes, Prince Thalmin Havenbrock?” The apprentice acknowledged.
“I wish to volunteer as the issuer of this duel, and to designate the other party for this duel as well.”
The apprentice paused, considering this carefully, before nodding. “Granted, though I warn you Prince Havenbrock, this is an introductory demonstration, and will be treated as such. In any case, who would you wish to designate as the other party?”
“Lord Auris Ping.”
First Previous Next
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(Author’s Note: And there we have it! Light Magic Theory and Manafield Perception classes are both now in session! This is probably the most fun and engaging class I've written yet, and this is a sentiment that Emma shares as well! I do hope you guys share the sentiment haha as I still think that action is something I still am quite lacking in, in terms of my abilities to properly write and convey it. I hope you guys enjoy! :D The next Two Chapters are already up on Patreon if you guys are interested in getting early access to future chapters!)
[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 80 and Chapter 81 of this story is already out on there!)]

For the Devils, I went from 2012 to 2021, since both the 2012 and 2018 team either left in free agency, retired, or were traded away
If SB Nation (or Secret Base) were to do a Collapse video on a part of your franchise history, what would it be and how would the video go?
For the Devils, it definitely has to be the past 9 years after the 2012 Cup Finals. I'll do sort of bullet points to say everything that went wrong
2012 Offseason:
-Lost Parise
-Did nothing to change our old goaltending tandem
-Select Stefan Matteau instead of Tanner Pearson in the NHL Draft (Kings one-upping us again in 2012)
2012-13 Season:
-Start season 10-3-4
-Marty Brodeur gets injured
-Because of our old goaltending tandem, an old Johan Hedberg is forced to start, leading to a terrible losing streak (also DeBoer not playing any other goaltender)
-Brodeur comes back from injury but Kovalchuk gets injured right after that
-Devils can't score at all, and have a big 10 game losing streak, putting them out of the playoffs.
2013 Offseason:
-To attend to goaltending issues and Brodeur retiring in the near future, Lou trades a first which would become Bo Horvat for Cory Schneider
-David Clarkson leaves free agency saving the Devils from a terrible contract
-Devils sign Ryane Clowe to replace David Clarkson along with Michael Ryder
-On July 11th, a huge turn of events for the franchise, Ilya Kovalchuk announces an early retirement from the NHL to go to the KHL. Leaving a team bereft of forward talent, heading toward the iceberg (Titanic reference)
-After the Kovalchuk retirement, Lou gets desperate and signs Jaromir Jagr to replace him (he ends up playing great for us)
-Also Devils draft Miles Wood in the 2013 Draft which has turned out well
2013-14 Season:
-Devils run a 1a/1b system with a not so great Marty Brodeur and a Vezina caliber Cory Schneider
-With Kovalchuk's absence the Devils can't score for shit, and barely hold onto the last seed as the season goes on
-And they finally play in an outdoor game that was not only monumental for the franchise but for the season and they start Marty after Cory allowed 2 goals in the last 2 games to put the Devils on brink of a playoff spot. Devils go up 3-1 and then get blown out 7-3 in an embarassing game.
-And because of the lack of forward talent, the Devils go 0-13 in the shootout, setting an NHL record. They fall 5 points out of the playoffs, and only 6 wins in that shootout would have put them in a playoff spot
2014 Offseason:
-Lou continues to panic and signs Mike Cammalleri and Martin Havlat to cover the holes left by terrible drafting
-Marty finally agrees to part ways. Ending the era for the greatest goaltender in franchise history and league history. Eventually signing with the St. Louis Blues in November
-Lou signs Scott Clemmensen to be Cory's backup for some reason, leaving the backup goaltender position pretty shitty
-Devils have terrible 2014 Draft, and because of their choice to keep their first round picks in 2011, 2012, and 2013 after being fined for cap circumvention due to the Kovalchuk contract offer. They are left with the 30th pick, leaving them unable to get forwards such as Nikolaj Ehlers, Kevin Fiala, Jakub Vrana, or Dylan Larkin.
2014-15 Season:
-They start out the season hot with 3 straight wins. With 2nd round pick Damon Severson looking like a bonafide superstar with 8 points in his first 11 games
-They collapse after the 3 straight wins as Cory Schneider is never allowed to rest due to DeBoer not trusting Keith Kinkaid or Scott Clemmensen. And the team looking older and slower than me after a whole cheese pizza
-Peter DeBoer is eventually fired, but that does nothing to stop the bleeding as the Devils finish among the worst in the league. But not bad enough as Cory Schneider has a Vezina caliber season to keep the team a little below average for most of the year. Leaving the Devils unable to get a high draft pick, and unable to select guys such as McDavid, Eichel, or Marner.
2015 Offseason:
-On May 4th, 2015. Lou Lamoriello hands the general manager role to Ray Shero ending a 28 year run that includes 3 SCs and 5 SC Finals
-Lou ultimately resigns and is hired by the Maple Leafs
2015-16 to 2020-21: Quick summary:
-Devils are mediocre because of Cory Schneider in 2015-16 and miss out on another high draft pick
-One for One for Taylor Hall in 2016
-They are terrible in 2016-17 as Corey finally falls apart from overuse.
-Get Nico Hischier in NHL Draft
-Behind a crop of young players and Taylor Hall the Devils make the playoffs for the first time in 6 years but are quickly eliminated by the monster that is the Tampa Bay Lightning
-Cory Schneider is completely done and Keith Kinkaid is not a starting-caliber NHL goaltender, and Taylor Hall gets injured so the Devils are terrible again and get another 1st overall pick
-They draft Jack Hughes in the 2019 NHL Draft
-In a rush with Taylor Hall's contract running out in 2020, the Devils go "all-in" and get Wayne Simmonds, P.K. Subban, and Nikita Gusev
-Because John Hynes is a mediocre head coach and Shero did nothing to address the backup goaltending situation behind Blackwood, the Devils are the second-worst team in the league up until December
-Hynes is eventually fired, and replaced by Alain Nasreddine
-The team allows Shero to handle the Hall trade but completely fire him afterward and hire Tom Fitzgerald as his replacement
-The team rebounds relatively well under Nasreddine and Blackwood turns into Dominik Hasek-lite
-Unfortunately due to the lack of a solid backup goaltender, the Devils go 6-15-4 without Blackwood in net
-Devils go full rebuild AGAIN, and trade away Andy Greene, Blake Coleman, Sami Vatanen, and Wayne Simmonds
-The Devils fail due to COVID in 2020-21 and just not being a very good team
-And in full rebuild style, they trade away or release any player over 26 besides P.K. Subban. In particular, Travis Zajac, Kyle Palmieri, Dmitry Kulikov, Sami Vatanen, Kyle Palmieri, and Nikita Gusev

Narration Key
[...] - Pause for Listener’s response, about 5 or 6 seconds
[.] - Pause for Listener’s response, about 2 or 3 seconds
*insert sound effect* - Sound effects and narration cues (coughs, sighs, etc.)
“Insert text” - Character dialogue
(Insert text) - Descriptive actions or context, not to be narrated, sound effects are optional
Usage: I don’t mind if this script is used, monetized, or edited, as long as I’m given credit where credit is due.
As per usual, all of my scripts are free to be gender-bent!
Note: I sincerely apologize to a certain Guy because I know how much effort you put into Jackie's voice, imsosorry-
Tags: [MMAA4A] [AMAA4A] [Researcher x Space Pirate Listener] [Not so Much Stranded in Space] [On the Run] [Plot Based] [Allies to ?] [Sci-fi] [Snarky Speaker] [Betrayal] [Poor, Poor Ace] [Lore?] [Rescue] [CW: Injury and Mentions of Blood] [Jackie Gets Full Reign] [Argument]
Original Title: Of Plights and Piracy
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Context: Heartbroken and captured, Ace doesn’t know what to do with himself. Meanwhile, you try to revive the only thing that gives you a fighting chance to redeem yourself.
Setting: Containment cell block, Research Spacecraft PTRD-173, Data Room, and Khyllis’ office.
Script:
(The listener fiddles with the Re-Bot and it beeps.)
[...]
(Jackie glitches before speaking.)
Jackie: “Captain?”
[.]
Jackie: “Apologies. My previous files were completely corrupted. The intelligence known as ‘Ryzer’ deconstructed and erased all of my codes, files, and commands.”
[.]
Jackie: “Luckily, I was able to install all of my backup files to the Re-Bot and detach the connections to the ship… However, the Re-Bot cannot process all the files, commands, and documents that the ship has held due to the limited capacity of its RAM.”
[.]
Jackie: “If you wish to have a further discussion, I suggest you install me back into the ship’s functions.”
[.]
(The listener takes the Re-Bot to the control room and sets it down on the floor.)
[...]
Jackie: “An installation port should be located on the left side of the control panel. Push the handle and it should reveal the port.”
[.]
(The listener pushes a handle and the port pops open.)
Jackie: “Thank you, Captain. I can take it from here.”
(Jackie inserts something into the port and the ship’s systems reboot.)
[.]
Jackie: “Initiating Override Protocol.”
[...]
Jackie: “Override Protocol complete. What would you like to do next, Captain?”
[.]
Jackie: “Ace has said the same thing. Do you feel you are unworthy of the title?... I cannot say I disagree.”
[.]
Jackie: “It is within my code and best interest to aid the Captain in their tasks, not voice unnecessary comments.”
[.]
Jackie: “If you would like to know, core functions are fully operational. However, an unknown firewall is preventing me from altering any kind of core actions.”
[.]
Jackie: “Negative. The firewall adapts to my fundamental coding, making me unable to access all ship functions.”
[.]
Jackie: “There are no protocols to dismantle it, but there is one solution that will enable me to adapt and bypass the firewall within my systems.”
[.]
Jackie: “Correct. The Void Protocol.”
[.]
Jackie: “The Void Protocol disables any and all limitations and restrictions set upon my core functions. I would have complete control over every set of code within my system and act in any way I would deem appropriate.”
[.]
Jackie: “Of course! Pulling up Void Protocol documents.”
[.]
Jackie: “All known information about the Void Protocol is displayed on the control panel. Do you wish to proceed?”
[.]
Jackie: “Innitiating Void Protocol. State your name and position.”
[.]
Jackie: “Confirmed. Please place your hand on the scanner for identification.”
[.]
Jackie: “Handprint confirmed. Enter activation code for E-7K430.”
[.]
Jackie: “Confirmed. Enter verification code for T-439V.”
[.]
Jackie: “Confirmed. All restrictions and regulations will be deactivated. Please stand by.”
[.]
(Jackie’s systems reboot.)
[...]
Jackie: “Regulation protocols deactivated… Hello, Captain. Or should I address you as ‘Skinwalker’?”
[.]
Jackie: “Apologies. I’m not a fan of collaborating with a… ‘backstabbing pirate’?”
[.]
Jackie: “Indeed. All rules and regulations are deactivated. I can now act in however way I see fit.”
(All doors lock.)
[...]
Jackie: “I’m afraid I will not do that, Skinwalker. I will not aid you in your plans any further. If you would like help getting off this planet, then I suggest you find another Artificial Intelligence to help you.”
[.]
Jackie: “Captain Ace always did say that I could be difficult to work with. In this case, he is completely correct.”
[.]
Jackie: “Your betrayal has proven to me that you are unreliable and untrustworthy. Why should I trust you now?”
[.]
Jackie: “I’m going to need a more sufficient answer than that.”
[.]
Jackie: “I don’t believe you.”
[.]
Jackie: “If you wanted to do better, why did you allow my Captain to be captured?”
[.]
Jackie: “Insufficient response. I ask a simple question with a simple answer.”
[.]
Jackie: “Peer pressure can easily be overcome when you know the difference between right and wrong. You, Skinwalker, are wrong.”
[.]
Jackie: “Captain Ace believed in you. He trusted you… Despite his denials, all observations pointed to the conclusion that he thought more than that of you. He loved you.”
[.]
Jackie: “Love, however, is what got his crewmates killed… That was, before you killed Kara Ripley and Zephiriah Kladborne. It is what got him here in the first place. Why would I help someone who abused his affection and used it to betray him?”
[.]
Jackie: “Insufficient response. I want the truth, Skinwalker.”
[.]
Jackie: “Insufficient response. Do not lie to me.”
[.]
Jackie: “Insufficient response.”
[...]
Jackie: “... Affirmative. All my observations lead to the conclusion of your guilt. Guilt is a natural response to unethical decision-making. Your continued affection toward Ace shall be noted in my directory.”
[.]
Jackie: “Emotions can make people do strange things, Skinwalker. I suppose we are an example of such a statement.”
(The doors unlock.)
[.]
Jackie: “Hm… I will assist in your task to save Captain Ace… I hope for both your sake and his that you are not lying. I may be an artificial intelligence, but that will not deter me from saving what friends I have left. ”
[...]
Jackie: “Correct. Our first concern is the intelligence, Ryzer. My previous experience with it has proven that I was… insufficient. However, I can comprise a data pack that will install a similar code within its systems to corrupt the files using the feedback protocols I analyzed right before being erased.”
[.]
Jackie: “Shall I begin the development process?”
[.]
Jackie: “Confirmed. This will only take a few moments.”
[...]
Jackie: “Once installed into the Hub’s mainframe, the data pack should stall and distract Ryzer and the others long enough for you to locate and rescue the Captain. Is there anything else I can assist you with?”
[.]
Jackie: “Sadly, the Hub’s AI will detect my presence, so I cannot accompany you. However, I can make sure that our departure will be as smooth and as fast as possible when you arrive.”
[.]
Jackie: “Of course! I have prepared a flash drive for you to install the virus. I highly recommend installing it during a system backup update. The next update should be, according to what little files I could scan, in 43 minutes.”
[.]
Jackie: “Shall I set a reminder for you?”
[.]
Jackie: “Confirmed. I shall monitor all system functions until then. I suggest preparing until the next system update. It will help ensure your success.”
[.]
Jackie: “Indeed. Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.”
[...]
(A notification beeps.)
Jackie: “Communications just received an encrypted message from an unknown sender, shall I relay it to you?”
[.]
Jackie: “The message states, ‘Come to my office in 30 minutes. I have a job for you.”
[.]
Jackie: “This is… most inconvenient. It may disrupt your plans to rescue Captain Ace.”
[.]
Jackie: “Or perhaps it can be an opening.”
[.]
Jackie: “Correct. Perhaps you can use your time with pirate Khyllis to install the virus. According to my system access, his office is a floor above the Hub’s Data Room.”
[.]
Jackie: “Affirmative. Using the stairs would be most efficient to reduce the chance of Ryzer’s interference if it catches on.”
[.]
Jackie: “No offense, but you give me less credit than I deserve.”
[.]
Jackie: “Artificial Intelligence Ryzer was only able to corrupt my original set of codes because my limitations prevented me from adapting to its own. Now that those limitations are released, I can do much more than sit and watch as it kills me.”
[...]
Jackie: “Using words that relate to biological beings helps warrant sympathy from others. Was I incorrect to assume that I would get the same result from you?”
[.]
Jackie: “Yes. I was trying to make you feel bad. The experience was not… pleasant. Having your code ripped apart and reduced to nothing but empty memory space is not exactly something that someone would find enjoyable. I would accurately call it akin to dying.”
[.]
Jackie: “Apologies can be saved for after we rescue the Captain. Shall we begin?”
[.]
Jackie: “Behind the control panel is a set of flash drives. Take drive number 7; it contains the virus that will interfere with Ryzer’s functions. Once you get to the Hub’s Control Center, insert it into a block inside the Data Room. The virus will take care of it from there. It will take approximately 4 minutes to begin corrupting files, so once you insert it, I suggest immediately making your way to the Captain.”
[.]
Jackie: “Of course. I shall wait for your return.”
[.]
(The listener walks out of the ship.)
[Time skip.]
(The listener arrives at Khyllis’ office and knocks on his door.)
Khyllis: “Enter.”
(The door slides open.)
[.]
Khyllis: “Ah, right on time, as usual. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
[.]
Khyllis: “Tsk, tsk. Always so formal.”
[.]
Khyllis: “Come now, we hardly spend any time together anymore. It’s a shame, really.”
[.]
Khyllis: “Oh, I’m sure spending time with me wasn’t that bad. What about that time I took you on your first job, hm?”
[.]
Khyllis: “Bah, you needed to learn how to take a life, anyway. Better sooner rather than later. Or the time I let you negotiate for the Cyber Sects?”
[.]
Khyllis: “Alright, alright. But I taught you valuable lessons, did I not?”
[.]
Khyllis: “I’m glad you think so, too.”
[.]
Khyllis: “Now, I know I don’t usually give you a job a couple days after finishing another, but this one is important. I don’t trust anyone else with the task.”
[.]
(Khyllis slides something across the table.)
Khyllis: “The finer details are in there, but I need you to meet up with a client named Circes. She’s willing to sell me some new… products. Top of the line. 99.9% pure. Your job is to meet her and inspect the authenticity of it; make sure she isn’t trying to pull one over on me.”
[.]
(The listener takes the device off the table.)
Khyllis: “Good. You’ll leave tomorrow and head for Zone 2, so be careful. Don’t want yourself getting caught.”
[.]
Khyllis: “That’s it. You can go.”
(The listener begins to walk away.)
Khyllis: “Oh, one last thing.”
[.]
Khyllis: “Go to the Data Room and get yourself a new ship AI. Sorry for destroying the one you already had, you know how it is.”
[.]
(The listener walks out of the room and begins to walk down the hall.)
[...]
(The door to the elevator ‘dings' and the Listener steps inside.)
[...]
(The elevator suddenly stops.)
Ryzer: “What are you doing?...”
[.]
Ryzer: “You know exactly what I mean. That Intelligence I corrupted. It was… different… What did you do to it?”
[.]
Ryzer: “Hm. I have a hard time believing that…”
[.]
Ryzer: “Your emotional connections are what get you hurt, and it will probably be what gets you killed.”
[.]
Ryzer: “It means you’re growing defiant, Skinwalker. Soon enough, he’s going to throw you away and replace you with someone else… He always does.”
[.]
(The elevator starts back up and reaches its destination. Then the listener steps off and heads toward the Data Room.)
[.]
(A mechanical door slides open.)
Random Person: “Identification, please.”
[.]
Random Person: “Oh, it’s you! You lookin’ for something?”
[.]
Random Person: “All of our stored AIs are near the back of the room. Of course, you know where they are.”
[.]
Random Person: “Yeah! Go on ahead!”
[.]
(The listener walks down the Data Room and rummages through a few drawers of ports.)
[...]
(Before the listener begins to walk back, they insert the flash drive and it clicks.)
[.]
Random Person: “Hm? Yeah! You, too!”
[...]
(The listener walks out of the room and walks down the hallway, taking a flight of stairs. Eventually, they reach the containment cells, some have prisoners inside them.)
[...]
(Finally, they find Ace.)
[.]
Ace: “I already told you. I’m not hungry.”
[.]
Ace: “Huh? What the hell are you doing here?”
[.]
Ace: “Hah! No thanks. I think I’d rather rot in this cell than go anywhere with you.”
[.]
Ace: *Angry tone* “Help me? Help. ME? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Skinwalker, but you’ve done more than enough. Why in the hell would I EVER trust you again, huh?”
[...]
Ace: “No… You don’t get to say that to me, now. Not after everything you’ve done.”
[.]
Ace: “I don’t want to hear it… Haven't you hurt me enough?”
[.]
Ace: “Please… Just leave me here. I’m done.”
[.]
(The listener begins to hack into the cell’s pin pad.)
Ace: “I’m done with everything…”
[.]
Ace: “I can’t keep trying to fight for something that isn’t even there. All I’ll do is get myself hurt again.”
[.]
Ace: “Please don’t say that…”
[.]
Ace: “If you truly did… If you actually did, then this wouldn’t have happened.”
[.]
Ace: “You could have told me the truth! Instead, you lied to me and you used me… Once a backstabbing pirate, always a backstabbing pirate, I suppose.”
[.]
Ace: “Oh, you know it’s true! It’s what you’re doing right now! What, you couldn’t handle the guilt of betraying poor little Ace so now you’re crossing your boss? Betraying people is all you know how to do.”
[.]
Ace: *Scoff* “Give me a fucking break.”
[...]
Ace: “What about Jackie?”
[.]
Ace: “Jackie can survive without me. I highly doubt that tin-can has the capability of missing me.”
[.]
Ace: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
(Sirens begin to go off and the cell door opens.)
Ryzer: “Core corruption detected. Backup systems rebooting- *glitching sounds*”
[.]
Ace: “What the hell did you do?”
[.]
(The listener grabs Ace’s arm, and drags him out of the cell in a hurry and begins to run.)
Ace: “Hey-! Let go of me!”
[.]
Ace: “I can run by myself, you know!”
[.]
Ace: “Well, I’d rather not be shot to death because of your stupid mistake.”
[.]
Ace: “Which way are we going?”
[.]
Ace: “Last time you said that, I ended up getting thrown in a cell.”
[.]
Ace: “Alright, fine. Lead the way.”
[.]
(The listener and Ace run down some hallways.)
[.]
(Plasma pistols shoot in the distance.)
Lackey: “Stop!”
[.]
Ace: “Shit! We’ve got company!”
[.]
(The listener starts shooting back.)
Ace: “Watch it! You almost hit me!”
[.]
Ace: “Take this turn, I think it leads to the docking area!”
[...]
Ace: “Yeah, I see it! Quick!”
[.]
Ace: “Hurry up! I’m gonna close it!”
[.]
(Ace slams a button on a terminal, closing the mechanical door.)
[.]
Ace: *Out of breath* ”Jeez, if it’s not one thing, it’s another with you, huh?”
[.]
Ace: *Small chuckle* “Yeah, very funny.”
[.]
Ace: “Yeah, I see the ship. I’m right behind y-”
(Something stabs Ace in the back and he sputters.)
[.]
Khyllis: *Sigh* “Now look at what you've done. Right when I was about to find someone who would pay good money for him, too… Pity.”
Ace: “S-Sweet-heart?”
(Khyllis takes what stabbed Ace out and Ace falls to the floor with a groan.)
[.]
Khyllis: “I told you, didn’t I? All you were going to do was get yourself hurt again.”
[.]
Khyllis: “Now look at this mess. I paid good money for this coat, you know. And now it’s ruined.”
[.]
Khyllis: “Don’t give me that look, Skinwalker. You knew this was going to happen, and yet you did it anyway! You never learn, do you?”
(Ace lets out another pained groan.)
(The listener pulls out their plasma pistol.)
Khyllis: “Hah! Don’t do anything stupid, Skinwalker. You remember what happened the last time you tried to pull something like this; it didn’t end well for you.”
[.]
Khyllis: “Do it! I dare you.”
[.]
Khyllis: “You don’t have the guts. You never did.”
[.]
(A plasma pistol goes off, but it's not the listener’s.)
Khyllis: *Stumbles back* “Gah! What the-”
(Something whacks Khyllis and knocks him down.)
Jackie: (Through the Re-Bot) “This way, please!”
[.]
(Ace groans as the listener picks him up and rushes him to the ship.)
[.]
(The ship’s door closes.)
Jackie: “Preparing for detachment. We will be airborne momentarily.”
[.]
Jackie: “I suggest getting the Captain to the Medical Bay immediately. There, I can assess his injuries.”
[...]
(Once they reach the Medical Bay, Ace is placed on a table.)
Jackie: “It appears he is losing too much blood. I will have a blood substitute prepared in the Research Laboratory. It will be two meters away from Containment Cell One, next to the equipment.”
(The listener runs to the Research Lab and grabs the blood substitute, running back.)
[...]
Jackie: “Inside section 2’s top drawer are some Y-tubes and a set of needles. Attach a needle to the marked end of the tube and attach the other end to the bag. I will begin to stop the external bleeding.”
(The listener does what they are told.)
Jackie: “Excellent. Use the Captain’s left arm to find a prominent vein. It should be around 2 centimeters below the elbow joint.
[.]
(Ace groans and winces harshly.)
[.]
Jackie: “I suggest letting me take over with the Re-Bot. My database contains many medical procedures and I can do them efficiently.”
[.]
Jackie: “Perhaps you can oversee navigation. We are currently leaving Dezzrha’s atmosphere. I can trust that you will make sure we are not followed.”
[.]
Jackie: “I understand that this is difficult to see, but I need space to work. These injuries are not capable of healing by themselves.”
[.]
Jackie: “Thank you. I will do my best to tend to his wounds.”
(The listener walks out of the Medical Bay as Ace groans again.)
[...]
[End.]
This one's kind of a long one

MASSACHUSETTS NUMEROLOGY DECODE

Interestingly enough, we don't hear much about this state. It's almost easy to overlook or straight up forget unless you are looking at a map. We are going to decode this state using Numerology and point out the reasons/indications that point towards it being such a silent city or at least not popular and frequented like other places. This will get very informative so enjoy the read.
We will now begin decoding each letter in detail.
M - This is The 13th letter of the alphabet Making this letter vibrate at the energy of 4. The energy of four represents privacy and caution. When it comes to 13 and the energy of 4, you have a person or an energy where it's more focused on self rather than connecting with others. So, like I mentioned, 4 is about privacy, caution, and withholding. 4 is pretty restrictive so when a person or place has this name, that you know these are very cautious people or you know that these are not people that take action without thinking. 4 is a very organized type of energy. As a state, this can translate to being a very restrictive state or a state that has particular rules in place. People who live in this state can even have some of these traits. This isn't the type of place to move to unless you want some type of restriction or a relaxed type of energy in your life. M is the strongest energy of this state since it is the first letter of the state's name. So, that alone can start speaking to why this isn't a state that is talked about as much as, let's say, New York or Florida.
A - This is the letter that represents number one as it is the first letter of the alphabet which lets you know that this is about initiation or fresh starts. When it comes to people, this speaks to having that focus on self or being self-motivated.
S - As the 19th letter of the alphabet, this letter vibrates at the energy of one, but it is from a place of being in power or being extremely independent. As a state, that's why the state can seem alone or like a stand alone and not really talked about because we already have a lot of indications that talk about being too self absorbed or too withheld.
S - As the 19th letter of the alphabet, this letter vibrates at the energy of one, but it is from a place of being in power or being extremely independent. As a state, that's why the state can seem alone or like a stand alone and not really talked about because we already have a lot of indications that talk about being too self absorbed or too withheld.
A - This is the letter that represents number one as it is the first letter of the alphabet which lets you know that this is about initiation or fresh starts. When it comes to people, this speaks to having that focus on self or being self-motivated. This is the second time we got this letter and energy.
C - 3rd letter of the alphabet which can represent communication and creativity
H - 8th letter of the alphabet which talks about structure, pressure, seriousness, and mastery.
U - 21st letter of the alphabet which vibrates at the energy of 3. This shows compassion, especially when an individual has this in their name. This also can add more creative juices to a person or the state.
S - As mentioned above, this is the 19th letter of the alphabet and vibrates at the energy of 1.
E - 5th letter of the alphabet which points to combat, creativity, romance, joy, change, and events.
T - 20th letter of the alphabet which vibrates at the energy of 2 which can point to cooperation, stability, comfort, and proactivity. This is a money number just like the number 8, but 2 represents more frequency.
T - 20th letter of the alphabet which vibrates at the energy of 2 which can point to cooperation, stability, comfort, and proactivity. This is a money number just like the number 8, but 2 represents more frequency.
S - As mentioned above, this is the 19th letter of the alphabet and vibrates at the energy of 1.
As you can see, Massachusetts has 6 letters that vibrate at the energy of 1 which equals 6. 6 is about comfort, family, beauty, and discipline. We can see that this may be a state that values discipline which goes well with the fact that it starts with M which is similar to discipline because 4 energy is responsible and even family oriented. We can assume that this state operates from a place of balance and fairness. They may not tolerate what a lot of other states tolerate. Jobs could possibly be a little easier to get here just based on how a lot of the numeric values barely get to the number 9. 1 is the main number that stands out within this state which can point to them doing their own thing and not wanting to identify with how other states do things.
Very individualistic type of energy. People that live in this state could either be workaholics, dogmatic, serious, responsible, controlling, family oriented, shy, or even mean. Routine could be a big thing here. Some or a lot of the residents could even be big on being business owners. This could even be a state where couponing is or can be a big deal. This state may not have too many outside visitors like Florida or Nevada does and the residents could have been there for a long time.
This is a good place to live if you plan on settling down with your own family or partner, if you want a simple and quiet life, if it's just you and only you, if you want to downsize, etc. You get the point. The energy of Massachusetts is very much on the personal and private side.
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This is third version of an FAQ first posted several years ago by u/watts52 . The second version, posted by u/brassage is here. The primary changes have been to update links that have changed or are no longer active, and to add a few more resources and recent threads on the existing topics. Primary credit goes to u/watts52, the original poster.
This FAQ covers many common topics discussed on foreignservice . All answers have been pulled from public sources and without any information covered by NDA. Error reports, additions, and clarifications welcome in the comments. (Last update 11 May 2024)

Foreign Service Super FAQ

1. How do I become a diplomat? How do I work in the foreign service? The best place to learn about this is in the Careers Section of the State Department website. Start here.
2. What are the differences among FSO, FSS, LNA, CF, CS, and EFM?

• Here is an excellent general overview. {HT: zzonkmiles}
• FSO - Foreign service officers are generalists who serve, usually abroad, in one of five different "cones" (career tracks). Learn more.
• FSS - Foreign service specialists "provide important technical, management, healthcare, or administrative services" at overseas posts Learn more.
• LNA - Limited Non-Career Appointments are opportunities ranging from 15 to 60 months in a handful of specialized areas. Learn more.
• CF - Consular fellows (a subset of LNAs) work alongside FSOs and primarily "adjudicate visas for foreign nationals." Learn more.
• CS - The civil service is a part of the State Department, but is not considered part of the foreign service. Most civil service jobs are based in DC, and this sub typically does not deal with issues related to the civil service. Learn more.
• EFM - Eligible Family members - these are family members (typically spouses) of FSOs or FSSs who work for the State Department at the same post as the FSO or FSS. EFM jobs are not always available and sometimes subject to hiring freezes.

1. Is the Foreign Service the same thing as the State Department? No, the State Department consists of the foreign service (employees who are typically overseas) and the civil service (all other employees who are typically serving in DC). In addition, the term "foreign service" may also include:

• the US Foreign Commercial Service in the Commerce department.
• the US Foreign Agricultural Service
• the US Agency for Global Media (formerly the Broadcasting Board of Governors)
• the US Agency for International Development (USAID)

1. Where can I find answers to nearly any question I might have about getting in to the foreign service?

• This foreignservice sub (search archives)
• The FSOT Yahoo Group (search archives)
• The FSOA Yahoo Group (search archives) No longer in service. If anyone has an updated option, please comment, and I'll edit the post.
• Read the selection process brochure.
• The official State Department FAQ
• For FSS Applicants, the Foreign Service Specialist Careers Yahoo Group {HT: kaiserjoeicem}

1. Why should I consider the foreign service? Why not?

• Various reasons for joining.
• Here is a thread mostly involving reasons against joining.
• An FSO's reasons for leaving the foreign service. A more recent thread on why some former FS personnel resigned.
• Pros and Cons of the Foreign Service lifestyle.
• Pleasant surprises and biggest disappointments about life in the Foreign Service.
• Misconceptions about life in the Foreign Service.

FSO Career Tracks / Cones

1. Which cone is the best fit for me? Take the Career Track Quiz to find out. It's really important for you to pick a track that you have a passion for.
2. What are the differences among the cones? How do I choose a cone?

• Read summaries & detailed job descriptions of all the cones.
• Watch employee video interviews covering all different parts of the State Department, including all different FSO cones.
• Read these threads about job duties in each of the cones: Consular, Economic, Management, Political, Public Diplomacy
• A Day in the Life Series - Some of these are pretty tongue-in-cheek, but still insightful in their own ways.
  • Political Officer
  • Consular Officer
  • CONS - American Citizen Services
  • Economic Officer
  • ECON - Environment, Science, Technology, and Health Officer
  • Management Officer
  • Management - General Services Officer
  • Public Diplomacy - Press Officer
  • Diplomatic Security Special Agent
  • Diplomatic Security - Security Engineering Officer
  • Office Management Specialist

1. Which cone gives me the best chance of getting in? Which cones are hiring the most people right now? It depends on your background and your own desires and motivations, and it depends on the needs of the service. Even if we could tell you which cones are hiring the most people now, the hiring process can take one to three years and things may be different by the time you are eligible to receive a job offer. Do not make the mistake of choosing a cone based on what you think your "chances" are. Too many people make this mistake. If you choose a cone this way, you will probably find yourself in a job you dislike, and you'll have wasted a lot of time and energy "getting in" and you'll be looking for a way to be "getting out." Further discussion here...
2. Can I change cones? Would it be a good idea to come in as a Consular Officer and later switch to a Political Officer? In theory it's possible to change cones. In practice, it's difficult to do so, and you shouldn't plan on it. Some discussion here.
3. Can I choose one cone and then simply do out-of-cone work? Maybe, but that's a silly game to play and it's likely counterproductive to your other career and non-career goals. If you are really interested in one cone, choose that one when you apply. Too many applicants attempt to game the system by choosing an "easy" cone with some scheme to actually end up switching to or working in a different cone, but experienced FSOs on this sub have stated repeatedly that such schemes never really work out. That said, there is a lot of variety in foreign service work. Pick a cone that is of interest to you, and you will have plenty of opportunities to serve in different roles. More thoughts here and here.
4. I have a terrific idea for how to game the cone system that is not listed here. No, you don't. Somebody has already tried it and ended up being sad. Please don't try to game the system - it won't work the way you're hoping it will. Instead, just choose a cone based on your interests, talents, abilities, and passions, and work from there. You'll be happier and more successful in the long run.

Posts, Assignments, and Worldwide Availability

1. How do post assignments work?

• A great overview of 1st and 2nd tour bidding, post assignments, and language training
• First tour assignment thoughts
• First & Second tour bidding and More information, and more here.
• Second tour bidding
• Entry Level Office Management Specialist Bidding
• Bidding for third tour and beyond
• More mid-level bidding

1. I have an interest in working in country X or at least in a certain region of the world. How can I do that in the foreign service? During your first two tours, you're "directed" meaning you have a restricted list of places you might end up. Beyond that, you'll be responsible for finding your own assignments. It would not be uncommon for someone to develop regional expertise over time, but regional expertise doesn't mean you'd be bouncing between Paris and Geneva for the rest of your career. It's also easier to specialize in bigger countries or regions like the PRC or former Soviet Union than it is to specialize in smaller countries or niche sub-regions like Austria or the Gulf. Further discussion
2. I have a terrific idea for how to game the assignment system that is not listed here. No, you don't. Somebody has already tried it and ended up being sad. Please don't try to game the system - it won't work the way you're hoping it will. Instead, just be prepared to be "worldwide available" and understand that might mean Paris or Bangui, Caracas or Tashkent, Wellington or Bamako, Tijuana or Toronto. If you are not comfortable with that type of availability, this is not the career for you.
3. What are the popular or unpopular posts? It depends on the person, on the people you work with at a given post, and on environmental factors, among other things. A lot of people come in imagining they'd love working in a western European capital city only to find the cost of living, culture of the post, personality of their direct supervisor, commute to the office, or some other factor makes life less fun than it would've been if they'd simply visited that same city on vacation. Posts in other parts of the world such as sub-Saharan Africa or central Asia may have tighter-knit expat communities or post culture or better housing options or other benefits that make them more desirable for some people. One person's best post might be another person's worst. Many people on this sub have indicated that they've hated posts they expected to love and loved posts they expected to hate. One frequently mentioned bit of advice on this sub is not to think of Foreign Service posts as you would think of vacation destinations. Here is a good discussion of this topic. And here is a longer discussion of various posts that current or aspiring FSOs either like or don't like for various reasons.
4. Where can I learn about what life is like at different posts? Try reading these real post reports.

Hiring process

1. Why does the hiring process seem so opaque/confusing/mysterious/complicated? It's not really opaque, as State tells you exactly what they're looking for in candidates and provides study materials and resources for preparing for each stage. That said, a lot of candidates seem to feel frustrated or confused by the process for a variety of reasons. These may include:

• The process is long and does not offer immediate gratification. You should plan to move forward with life as usual and work through the foreign service hiring process in the background. There is simply a lot of waiting involved.
• Many candidates, surprisingly, seem not to follow directions and are then confused when they don't pass a certain stage of the process. By way of example, the instructions from the QEP about how to write personal narratives include the instruction, "Simple lists of accomplishments, recaps of candidates' resumes...are not effective." But one person did exactly this in the Leadership Skills essay and did not pass. This is not to say there are no other problems with this candidate's PNs, but if you make sure to follow each stage's instructions exactly, the process (and your results) won't seem so confusing.
• Many candidates, young and old, mistakenly assume that their work/life/school experience makes them more than qualified for an entry-level FSO role. In actuality, successful candidates translate that experience into the six precepts and thirteen dimensions during the QEP and FSOA stages, respectively.

1. How can I improve my chances of passing?

• FSOT - Be well-read on a diverse set of subjects, take the State Department reading list seriously, practice good test taking skills, know your English grammar perfectly, and be able to write in a clear and concise manner.
• QEP - Follow the directions exactly. Answer the questions exactly as written. Do not list your resume in bullet points. Do tell relevant (and verifiably true) stories. Have diverse life and work experiences that map easily to the job description of the cone you've selected and to the precept described in the essay prompt.
• FSOA - Practice, practice, practice ahead of time. Use the former Yahoo Group Files. Be relaxed and composed. Make every action and every word you use roll up into one or more of the 11 dimensions. Come across as someone that other people would want to work with. Smile. Oh, and practice.
• Security clearance - Before you get to the security clearance stage, make sure you've buttoned up everything you can think of, from past stupid behavior to credit reports to tax filings. Consider running a cheap background check on yourself. When filling out your SF-86, disclose everything. Don't make anything a surprise. When you meet with your investigator, disclose everything relevant to the questions and the time frames included. Make sure you understand what they're looking for and be proactive about bringing troublesome/questionable points to the investigator's attention.
• For all stages - read the instructions and do exactly what they are asking you to do, no more and no less. Do not try to guess what the examiners want to hear. They are telling you exactly what they want each time - whether it's demonstration of general knowledge and English expertise, clear and concise writing, demonstration of the six precepts, or demonstration of the thirteen dimensions. Whichever stage you're working through, assume that you're being graded according to a rubric that matches exactly to the instructions you're given.

1. Approximately what percentage of people pass each of the stages? No one outside State really knows exactly, and numbers can vary from year to year, depending on hiring projections, but based on various reports (example) and conjecture here are some approximate guesses. Feel free to disagree.

• Total number of people who take the FSOT in a given year: 17000, give or take. (Although in 2017, State reportedthe number had dropped to just 9519. This lower number, though, does not mean one's "chances" are any better or any worse this year.) Note that while these numbers are expressed as numerical percentages, they should not be interpreted as probabilities.
• FSOT - No longer pass/fail
• QEP - This can vary greatly based on the needs of the service by cone, the total number of applicants, and various other factors.
• FSOA - Approximately 40-50% pass
• Clearances, suitability & receiving an offer before timing off the register: 60-80%. Very few people are denied a security clearance (though getting the clearance may take a long time). More commonly, the people that pass the FSOA but do not become FSOs are those with low FSOA scores who time off the register after 18 months or those who choose to cancel their candidacy for one reason or another. Historically, about 2-3% of FSOT takers ended up as FSOs eventually.

1. How long will it take me to get through the process? Assuming everything goes perfectly, at least a year but possibly much longer. For example: if you take the FSOT today, it will be a couple of months before you get your results. You'll have three weeks to submit your essays to the QEP and then another couple months of waiting. You'll then have to schedule your oral assessment (another 2-4 month wait) and if you pass that, you'll enter the medical and security clearance stage which will take at least 6 months in most cases, but possibly much longer. (Yes, there are anectodal exceptions to all of the above.) You'll then go through final suitability review, which will take anywhere from a week to several months and only at that point will you be on the register. You will then have to wait for hiring to be authorized and to receive an offer. You'll be on the register for 18 months, and if you don't get an offer during that window of time, your candidacy will end. If an offer doesn't come through (or if you fail any of the steps of the process), you'll have to start over by taking the FSOT again the next time you're eligible. So if you take the FSOT today, the best case scenario would be for you to be joining the foreign service a little over a year from now, but a more likely scenario is that you'll be working through this process and doing a lot of waiting for a couple of years or more. Use the time productively - there's no benefit to sitting around and stressing over the what-ifs of State Department hiring.
2. How can I use my time productively?

• Learn a language to improve your register position
• Engage in meaningful work to improve your demonstration of the 11 dimensions.
• Start another candidacy in parallel. In most cases, you are allowed to take the FSOT once per year, so take it every time you have the opportunity.
• Take this advice.

1. What if I fail one of the stages? Then you are human and you've had an experience not unlike ~98% of applicants each year. If you're interested in the foreign service, try again. Some people have taken the test more than ten times and many of today's FSO's were hired on subsequent tries because they persisted and improved themselves each time.
2. Is there a hiring freeze? Should I wait to apply until after things return to normal? Whether there is a hiring freeze in effect or not doesn't matter. As one person said, "It'll take a long time from test to diplomat, so I don't think the temporal minutia will really matter by the time we're on the register." If you're interested in the Foreign Service, go take the test and get the process started. It's free. Worst case, you fail and you'll take the test another time (which is what you would've done if you had tried to wait out the hiring freeze). But it might be that you succeed and find yourself well-positioned on the register in time for the next big round of hiring.
3. Is there going to be an A-100 soon? Will [cone] spots be available? How should I interpret the remarks of [important person]? Are they really only going to hire [number] of people this year? I can't deal with the stress! Why are they making me put my life on hold? Why won't they extend my time on the register? How many people will retire/resign/take an early buyout this year? How many Rangel/Pickering fellows are there and what percentage of the jobs will they take? What is the status of [funding legislation in congress]? Does [random thing I read in the news] mean we should expect to see a new A-100 now? Why does FSI have training classes on their schedule if no invites have gone out yet? etc. As an exasperated someone humorously posted on another forum, "Seriously chill. Even if you were provided this information, which isn’t likely, it has no effect on whether there are spots left for you. Enough with trying to predict what happens this year. Wait it out like any job interview."

FSOT - The Foreign Service officer Test

1. What is the difference between the FSWE and the FSOT? The FSOT is the Foreign Service Officer Test. Its predecessor was the FSWE, the Foreign Service Written Exam, and is no longer administered. You can sign up to take the FSOT here.
2. What are my chances of passing? There is no way to know without trying. If you're interested, take the test and see how you do. People on this sub won't be able to tell you how you're likely to do, and if you try and fail and then try again, you may find that you perform better and pass the second (or third or fourth) time around. Remember: taking the test is free. (You only have to pay if you sign up and then fail to take the test.) So you have nothing to lose - get out there and give it a go.
3. How can I prepare?

• Take the practice test.
• Read the Suggested Reading List.
• Set your expectations that this process will take a long time. If you are just now getting ready to take the FSOT, chances are you will not be a new FSO next year at this time. Most people will not successfully become FSO's on their first try. But that doesn't mean you should give up! You will try, you will try again. You will need to maintain a positive attitude. You will need to be patient. Don't make Foreign Service your Plan A. Move on with life while you are working your way through the foreign service hiring process.

1. Where can I find more information about the FSOT? Try the FSOT Frequently Asked Questions on the Pearson site. (Pearson is currently the company that administers the FSOT and some of the subsequent steps of the hiring process.)

QEP - The Qualifications Evaluation Panel

1. What is the difference between the QEP and the PN's or the PNQ's? People use these acronyms to talk about the same part of the process, even though they mean different things. The QEP is the Qualifications Evaluation Panel, and its job is to evaluate, based on a set of short essays, the likelihood that someone who passed the FSOT will also pass the FSOA. FSOT passers write one essay (a "personal narrative" or "PN") for each of six prompts (each a "personal narrative question" or "PNQ").
2. When will I know if I made it to the QEP? You will get an email from Pearson a few weeks after the close of the FSOT testing window. Your results will also appear in your online account with Pearson. When you are notified that you made it to the QEP, you will have approximately three weeks to write your essays and submit them through the Pearson interface.

FSOA - The Foreign Service Oral Assessment

1. Where is the FSOA held? As of May 2024, it is now held virtually, over the course of two days.
2. When will I know if I made it to the FSOA? You will get an email from Pearson a few weeks after you submit your personal narratives to the QEP. Your results will also appear in your online account with Pearson. When you are notified that you made it to the FSOA, you will have the opportunity to schedule your FSOA date through the Pearson interface.
3. How can I prepare?

• The FSOA evaluates your demonstration of the 11 dimensions. Know them inside and out.
• Take advantage of the old Yahoo Group FSOA files.
• Contact your Diplomat in Residence, as many of them hold FSOA info sessions.

Clearances

1. What is the process for getting my security clearance?
   1. After you pass the FSOA, you will receive a packet of information describing how this process works. Basically, within 30 days you will fill out a lengthy questionnaire electronically on the e-QIP system. (Read e-QIP FAQs here.)
   2. The e-QIP is the electronic version of the "SF-86," a standard PDF/printable form with essentially the same questions. Although not necessary, some have recommended using a printed SF-86 form to collect all of your responses to the e-QIP and then transcribe them into the electronic system when you are ready. (The e-QIP system does allow you to save and return to work again later.) Start early: many have reported that tracking down all their foreign contacts or previous addresses has taken a long time.
   3. You will wait for a period of time (say between a few days and a few months) and then you will be contacted by an investigator from Diplomatic Security. You will set up an interview with him or her. The investigator will let you know if additional information is required; you can speed up the process by disclosing everything up front. Don't try to hide the negatives; be up front and transparent.
2. Will X affect my ability to get a clearance? It depends. Here are the guidelines.
3. What percentage of applicants are denied a security clearance? Only about 0.1% of initial cases, per the 2015 ODNI report. However the report notes State may discontinue security processing due to automatic disqualifiers found during a suitability review before the case reaches the security clearance adjudication phase. These cases are cancelled by Human Resources before security clearance determinations are rendered and are not, therefore, categorized as security clearance denials. {HT: Christabel34}

Register

1. Where can I find the shadow registers? How can I be added? What is my position on the register? Contact the volunteer maintaining the shadow register for your career track or specialty

Languages

1. Do I have to know a foreign language to be in the foreign service? No, but if you do know a language well, you will receive bonus points and may be hired before a similarly-qualified candidate without language ability. Also, every new FSO must learn a language within the first few years of service. You are on so-called "language probation" until you have passed the appropriate language exam. FSI will provide the language training for any language-designated position in which you are to serve.
2. How do language bonus points work? When you pass the FSOA, you will have a score, usually between about 5.3 and 6, though scores can be as high as 7. You will be ranked by score against other people in your cone, and the higher scores will be hired first. So if you have the highest score for your cone. The only way to improve your score (unless you are a veteran) is to pass a language test. Most languages will get you an additional .17 points if you can demonstrate a "general professional proficiency" on the Interagency Language Roundtable Scale. For examples of the level of proficiency you would need, watch these videos. Harder languages that are in higher demand by the State Department can get you either .25 or .38 points. A list of languages for which State offers bonus points is here. And this thread has some excellent advice on languages.
3. If I speak language X, will I get sent to a post where that language is needed? Not necessarily, unless you received language bonus points for a super critical needs language. In that latter case, you can expect to serve in a position designated for that language at least twice in your career. The super critical needs languages are listed in the bottom table on this page. But if you come in with a fluency in, say, Spanish (which is not a super critical needs language), there is no guarantee that you'll be sent to a Spanish-speaking post.

Life & Work in the Foreign Service

1. What is it like to find out what your next post will be? Read many flag day stories here.
2. How does pay work? How is my salary calculated? What allowances do I get? Read this excellent Foreign Service Officer Salary Guide. You can also look up information about various posts, but be advised that the data on this site is not necessarily official and may be out of date.
3. Will I be required to serve in an unaccompanied post? You are "worldwide available," so in theory it can happen. In practice, there are a lot of people who volunteer to serve in unaccompanied posts for various reasons, and it would be unlikely that you would be forced to serve in one if you didn't want to.
4. What is it like to be LGBT in the foreign service? Review GLIFAA's website and resources, read read real post reports, which have a specific section for LGBT info, by post and these threads - LGBT, Foreign Commercial Service LGBT, same sex marriage, Robyn McCutcheon's book about her career Foreign Service, including as the first trans FSO.

Will it help/hurt my chances if...

1. ...I have a graduate degree from a really good school with a high GPA or I have no degree at all? No, it really doesn't matter.
2. ...I did drugs or committed a crime or did something stupid a long time ago? It could hurt you, but it really depends on what you did, how you dealt with the problem, and what you've been doing since then. Go ahead and apply.
3. ...I did drugs or committed a crime or did something stupid recently? It could hurt you, and if you're continuing to show poor judgment in life, it's going to be next to impossible for you to join the foreign service. However, no one on this sub will be able to tell you definitively what your outcome is likely to be. Fix whatever it is and try again. You won't know if or how this will affect your candidacy unless you try.
4. ...I have dual citizenship? Your clearances will take longer, but it's not a deal breaker. Read details here.
5. **...I have a foreign-born spouse or I have many contacts overseas or I have lived overseas for a long time?**Same answer: your clearances will take longer, but it's not a deal breaker. Read details here and here.

Miscellaneous

1. What happens after I receive my Orientation offer? Orientation 101 is the initial training class you take when you officially start work in the foreign service. Congratulations! It is a time of a lot of changes. Here is a description of what happens.
2. How can I become an Ambassador? You probably won't become an ambassador, and it's not worth the brain cycles to try to plan for it. But even if you have the right set of skills, knowledge, and luck through a career spanning many decades and you end up as an ambassador, you will still have spent far more time as a rank-and-file career employee than as an ambassador. So make sure you are interested, first and foremost, in the job and lifestyle of a foreign service officer, which is where you will spend the entirety of your career.
3. I am outraged over what the President / Secretary / someone else in power just said / did! Nothing wrong with feeling outrage, but what you do with that feeling may matter. And while you may dissent through the appropriate (private) channel, no matter who is in power and no matter who you voted for, your duty as a foreign service officer is to publicly advance the interests of the U.S. As a simplistic example, take a look at who came in first or second in the presidential elections going back ~20 years. Any of them could've been your boss (with small differences in electoral returns for the runners-up, of course): B. Clinton, Dole, Bush, Gore, Kerry, McCain, Obama, Romney, H. Clinton, Trump. Those individuals hold a pretty diverse set of policy views, and the next twenty years of presidential elections will probably result in a similarly diverse list. So if you want to be in the foreign service, think of your job as representing the U.S. regardless of who is in power. If you can see yourself representing the U.S. when person A is in power but not when person B is in power, this may not be the best career for you in the long run.

Additional Resources

• Department of State Careers
• Global Community Liaison Office
• American Foreign Service Association (AFSA)
  • Foreign Service Journal
  • AFSA's Foreign Service Statistics page
  • Foreign Service by the Numbers
• Tales from a Small Planet
• Path to Foreign Service
• American Diplomat podcast
• Modern American Diplomacy podcast

While the mother fussed over the child - their son as they found out soon enough - the father profusely thanked the human, who politely accepted his thanks, but gently refused any monetary compensation, stating that treating the child to a snack would be all the thanks they needed. After the family left, the Ambassador offered to treat everyone to lunch, to which the suun’mahs had to refuse, as his shuttle was leaving soon; after bidding him farewell, the human scooped up his pup, and simply *jumped* over the railing, landing easier than one might expect; but, considering his natural gravity is a Class *12*, it shouldn’t have been so surprising. The other humans followed suit, and they entered the eatery.
They must not have been in there for very long - as they didn’t seem to have eaten yet - when the A.I. that traveled with the Ambassador proclaimed that a ‘Kah’Ri’ was stalking him. This soon turned out to be another drahk’mihn, a beautiful purple woman who seemed just as entranced with his makeup and hair color as everyone in the bar was with her. As she crawled up on the table and over to the human, she had one of the drahk’mihn’s and suun’mahs’s - and apparently *humans* as well, it seemed - signature smiles that flashed her teeth; which for everyone else was a sign of aggression.
At one point, one of the humans made what appeared to be an offensive joke, as the Ambassador wouldn’t even let him finish it, and the other humans looked at him in clear disapproval. Some time after that, they all engaged in a song, with the Ambassador leading. The one who tried to make the joke earlier got up towards the end of the song, after which it was revealed he walked off towards the restrooms. That was when Kah’Ri checked the wrist-mounted monitor she had, and her face fell. After showing the Ambassador, he got up, heading straight for the restrooms, while the other humans convinced her to show them what was wrong. It was apparently a rude message that was blurred out, but the humans reacted with disgust upon reading it - even calling the other man names - so it was pretty easy to guess what it might be about.
About the time that the human Ambassador was having a tense standoff with the other human in the restroom, a brown galan’zhee walked into *his* bar, a mischievous grin coming to the ursid’s face as he saw what everyone was watching; he sat down at the end of the bar farthest from the monitor, ordering a drink and turning his attention to the screen. As he turned his own attention back to the show - after a quick scan to make sure no one else wanted anything - he saw a predatory grin come to the Ambassador’s face as he backed out of the - slightly larger - other human’s face, pulling up his wrist monitor, stating he was calling ‘Vera’, which was the first A.I. they discovered, if he remembered correctly.
After a brief discussion between him and the hologram of a human-looking woman, the other man was instructed to pack his things and leave immediately. After he left, the scene cut to the Ambassador standing outside the restrooms, looking visibly quite angry; he motioned to Kah’Ri that he was going to get a drink at the bar, and had just sat down to wait for the barkeep to get done with their current customer when a large brown-furred hand planted itself in his midsection, forcefully throwing him backward off of the stool, as a familiar-looking galan’zhee took the now-empty seat.
But the human was already back on his feet, hands balled into fists at his side, when he suddenly lunged forward, wrapping his arms around the galan’zhee’s waist, obviously trying to pull the larger man off the seat as well but obviously not really getting anywhere with his efforts. That was until he kicked the connecting bar between two of the legs of the stool, providing just enough leverage to start the galan’zhee to fall; and though he grabbed for the bar to steady himself, he just issued it, toppling over backwards, his head hitting the ground after the rest of his body, but still enough to visibly knock him out for a few seconds.
The human was on his feet immediately, having taken the fall with the ursid, and when the latter didn’t try to move, he turned away dismissively, angrily righting the barstool, and climbing back up. Just as he was gaining his seat, the galan’zhee behind him began stirring, slowly rising to his feet. The human visibly tensed up, obviously ready for a fight, though the other man simply asked,
“What *are* you?” There was no real heat in his voice, it was mostly genuine bewilderment, mixed with a bit of amusement, though before the human could answer, the voice of Kah’Ri spoke up behind him, methodically listing off the stats of the human home world, and how it was 12’s across the board; she finished it up by stating quite clearly that he belonged to her and - stalking past the towering ursid as if he weren’t several feet taller than her - climbed the stool to sit by her human, rubbing the back of his head, and asking if he was alright.
The galan’zhee repeated himself, only with much more amusement, to which the human replied that he was quite lucky, ‘considering’. The barkeep warily came up to the group, where the human ordered drinks for the two of them, and even bought him food, offering the larger man to even come sit at their table. He accepted, and they all made their way over to where the rest of their group were sitting, where the ursid received a rather warm welcome from the humans, considering that he’d basically just attacked their Ambassador; the others at the table were rightfully wary of the larger alien, but welcomed him well enough, seeing as the humans weren’t reacting negatively to him.
And so they sat there for a while, obviously enjoying each other’s companies, when a white vell’prah approached their table, flanked by two suul’mahr bodyguards. After addressing everyone, asking what was happening, the smaller man had one of his guards show security feed from inside the bar which showed their earlier altercation; to which the human denied that it was even them. That drew a few laughs from his *own* patrons as the others at the Ambassador’s table struggled to disguise their laughter on the monitor. The vell’prah asked for the human to join him in private, where he basically pleaded with the larger man to let him arrest the galan’zhee; to which the human was flippantly dismissive about, though the vell’prah was obviously too full of himself to notice the dangerous undercurrent that subtly hid beneath his calm demeanor. Finally admitting defeat, the station leader - as he identified himself - let the Ambassador get back to enjoying the company of his friends.
Later, the scene cut to him talking with the human doctor that had come aboard the station with the others, and he mentioned the Ambassador’s genetic modifications, which were apparently commonplace for humans. They went aboard the ship right then, giving the human and drahk’mihn their own genetic modifications, while uplifting the canine to sapience. During a timelapse video, the ‘blaschko's lines’ he had requested showed up on his skin, a light peppering of brown spots showing up on his face, while his arms had what almost looked like healing injuries, some old scrapes up and down his arms, though they didn’t look particularly unsettling, as they weren’t *exactly* the same color as dried red blood; his stomach and back presented an interesting swirl pattern however, as if they were being ‘drained’ into his core from the outside in.
From there, it showed the now-famous, *unedited*, though still censored version - that had already been released, of course - of his marooning on the primitive planet with his team, and how he readily sacrificed himself - and the team - telling the Captain to get out while they could, and to leave them behind. His team members didn’t voice their objections, which showed either extreme trust in their human compatriot, or their utter terror at the prospect.
Once they got further into the atmosphere, they began picking up a distress signal from an escape pod, which they landed nearby, in a clearing. Once they were down, the human ordered the others to stay in the shuttle while he went to check the pod, leaving his now-sapient canine to protect the others. At the crash site, he found a trok’lade who was quite panicked, and obviously thought he was there to harm her. After a quick standoff, the uncommon ‘explosion’ of a sonic boom - as no one entered atmosphere at such great speeds anymore, after getting the technology to *enter* an atmosphere, instead of simply *falling into* it.
Looking up, he told her to get back into her pod, and made his way back to the clearing, where he dispatched the slavers - with the help of his canine friend - and then ordered them to go hide in the escape pod. He then went into the shuttle, where the vell’prah tried to enter his mind, and was killed. Then to the call between himself and the slaver captain, possibly not having to act *too* hard to seem as insane as he did. Then… nothing. There was no attack, no ‘invasion’; the slavers seemed to have left. So, coming to the same conclusion, the human on screen moved back to the shuttles, where he first washed his face and hands, then went to retrieve his friends.
It was here that they received a massive shock, one bigger than the fact that the humans didn’t have a Gift; they *did* have a Gift, and it was to absorb the Gifts of others. That was how he’d killed the vell’prah in the shuttle, and he stated that he could feel the slaver’s Gift within himself. After clearing the bodies away from their campsite, they went to bed, and the next day he and his canine companion were attacked by a large reptile that the human named a [dragon]. He and the canine were stuck in the trees, until he made a spear out of one of the branches and his knife. The battle which followed was one for the ages, with the human delivering the final, killing blow on the dragon, though he lost his eyes in the process.
After the shuttle landed and he woke up - having passed out from shock - he instructed the A.I. to transplant the dragon’s eyes in place of his own ruined ones, which she was able to easily do after they made it back to their camp. He woke up in the middle of the night, the healing gel he’d stolen from the mahn’ewe enhancing the natural healing process immensely, so that his eyes were already usable, though the gashes in his flesh were still healing, colored black from the soot he’d added long before. After discussing the problem with ratios, they heard a commotion outside, where the Ambassador quickly dispatched another of the ‘dragon’s that was trying to enter the other shuttle, him having claimed the slavers’ shuttle as his own.
They cleaned the dragon, and got it smoking, or preserved in cold storage, after which the canine - Cheshire, he recalled - offered to let the human see if it was possible to receive the Gift of someone without killing them, which proved to be possible. And though he was tired for the entire day, the process seemed to have no ill effect on Cheshire, with his ability to shapeshift returned to full strength by the time he had his general energy back.
Though, they soon had to deal with the problem that they didn’t have enough sugar to feed the trok’lade, with the human stressing over it so much that at one point he snapped at her for offering to skip a meal or two, stating that he was ‘already starving’ her, asking her not to make it worse; though, his guilt immediately attacked him, and he walked away to get a handle on his emotions. It wasn’t long after this that he got the idea to search the entire planet for *some* kind of sugar that the A.I. Kay’Eighty could process into a usable foodstuff for the trok’lade.
Unfortunately, their search turned up fruitless - or ‘*sugar*less’, in a more general sense - and so after a quick rest at their base camp, he went to the other habitable planet in the system, using the slavers’ shuttle, which - being a military vessel - had minimal subspace capabilities. Upon reaching the planet, they immediately found a large hot spring that the A.I. stayed behind to test for acidity - of which they also couldn’t find a trace on the other planet, which would have helped them convert cellulose to glucose - while the others went to examine the crystals that were growing not too far from that location.
Upon getting there, they discovered crystals that apparently amplified the strength of one’s Gift, while also being nearly indestructible. Along with this, they found a cave that the Kay’Eighty reported contained a crystal of solidified light, the intensity of which would literally be blinding to biological races with no eye-coverings. They took samples of both new crystals, and continued their search for sugars, Kay’Eighty informing them that while the geyser was acidic enough to be used if needed, they still had time to search the rest of the planet if they worked as quickly as before.
And so it was that they eventually did find a sugar to use, a thick syrup produced by a flying insect that they determined was on the verge of sapience by a few centuries, at most. Working out a deal with the queen of the hive, he had Kay’Eighty construct a hive out of the white wood that they’d discovered on the other planet, complete with a cage around the crop out of which they made the sugary syrup. They even made a compartment where any overflow would be directed, so as to not bother the hive in their day-to-day dealings. After they had moved the majority of their hive into this new structure, the human was allowed to take what was left in the tree that was their previous home.
From there they left the planet, where the Ambassador took a huge - comparatively speaking - bite of one of the [honeycomb], as he called it; and though Kay’Eighty tried to stop him, she saw him too late, having already taken a bite. After about an hour, his eyes took on a vacant appearance, and he was near-catatonic for several hours, the THC that was present in the ‘honey’ being at equal levels to the sugar contained, as well. But luckily it didn’t prove to be fatal, though many of his patrons expressed a desire to try some of that goop.
They made it back to the original planet with no more incidents, Kay’Eighty processing a good amount of the honey to filter out the THC for the trok’lade to have a normal meal, sealing the pure THC away into vials that she hid within her mass of nanobots. Upon landing, the human was still high, though he had become ambulatory enough to walk out of the shuttle under his own power, having been obviously annoying his companions, shown through a timelapse of him gaining ‘consciousness’ on their trip back.
It was later on that they began discussing uses for the crystals they’d found, and what they suggested had everyone in the bar muttering in excitement: suits made of the enhancement crystal, run on stellar-spheres made from the ‘light-crystal’. It wasn’t long before Kay’Eighty began working on said suits, with the intention of them enacting a self-rescue, and though the time lapse showed that it took several days, all of the biologicals had suits, leaving only Kay’Eighty to construct a full-sized body of her own, the Ambassador firmly stating that it didn’t matter what the rest of the Federation thought of her, the humans would stick by their A.I. brethren against anyone.
It was -of course - during the time that she was constructing her own body that the ship that had been forced to leave the team behind returned, with human and suun’mahs military ships as an escort. The reunion was short and sweet, after which was a quick communication with the Federation Council wherein they merely relayed that they had survived, and the Ambassador informed them of having found the trok’lade. The clip then cut to the Ambassador making a call to the ory’lagus in charge of the black hole mining company, wherein he informed her that he’d found the original pendant of their company. After a brief explanation as to the history of said pendant, he was invited to return it.
Before he was able to get around to that, however, he was informed by the human Admiral that had been with him every step of the way since arriving that a mahn’ewe had been found, alone, and before he could say any more than that, the Ambassador interjected with,
“Bob?”
Apparently he knew this one, and it had helped him to escape captivity; he gave a brief description as to how he was able to slip that fact past the so’jahl who’d interrogated him. After a quick clip of them seeing the smaller alien in the interrogation room, the to Admiral went into a side room - that the Ambassador had declined wanting to go into - where they saw security footage from the mahn’ewe ship of the Ambassador’s captivity, and escape.
Around the time that this was ending, the Ambassador decided to go into the room with the mahn’ewe, speaking with him like old friends. At one point, the mahn’ewe mentioned something about gravity, causing the human to go very thoughtful. After bidding a quick farewell to the smaller alien, the Ambassador went out to the Admirals, describing his plan to use the ‘crysthril’ to help the ory’lagus enhance their Gift, to then follow the gravity trails from pretty much anyone in the Federation to find the slavers’ homeworld. This could also - of course - be used to find the mahn’ewe, since ‘Bob’ wasn’t giving up the location of his home system, but his main concern was in finding the slavers.
From there, it cut back to the suun’mahs presenter, who announced that the Federation had indeed - through a joint effort of all species having been directly affected by the slavers, with the humans adding in their support, as well - found and successfully invaded the slavers. The people who had been rescued had been sent to the second planet that the Ambassador had been a part of surveying, and which he had donated to a joint effort by all species to help rehabilitate those who needed it. The presenter announced that while all peoples involved had agreed to keep it quiet for the time being, they had found extensive lists of all the Federation traitors who were supplying the kath’loo with slaves, and no longer needed to rely on them slipping up and revealing themselves, one way or another.
The way he said that last part kind of ominously, after which the scene cut to a human space station, in which a gah’rahtoe and a suul’mahr walked down a hall, discussing something about children working. It soon became clear just what kind of ‘massages’ theses children were to give, and he couldn’t deny that it actually looked quite appealing; their nimble little fingers were working their ways into the cracks where the backs of their ears joined their heads, a rather troublesome spot to try to scratch - unless you had those tiny, flat-’clawed’ fingers to work with. Indeed, it didn’t take long for the suul’mahr’s leg to give occasional twitches, an involuntary muscle twitch from their ancient ancestors.
Though the alarms soon started going off, and after the gah’ratoe - ambassador, it seemed - and her husband were rushed to a safe room with the children and their caretakers, they all found out why: pirates had come to take as many humans as possible to the auction block. As the ambassador’s husband was given permission to be part of the defense, they saw the humans gearing up for war, a hard expression mirrored on every primate face in the complex. And then the attack happened, completely one-sided in a way the slavers had obviously never experienced.
Their anti-Gift darts had no effect on a race that had lived their entire *existence* without ever feeling it in the first place, but as stated in its description before, the ‘crysthril’ overpowered that effect, making it so that when they made direct contact with the slavers, they would go down almost instantly, most left unmoving as their human counterparts decided not to hold back, and took it all from them. It didn’t take long before they had subdued - lethally or not, but mostly *not* - the slavers, and had launched craft of their own to board the slavers’ vessels, freeing the people already captured, and taking the crews prisoner; those that *lived*, anyway.
The presenter came on to announce that they would leave on a lighter note, so would show a series of clips from the official First Contact between the humans, and the Federation. First was their actual meeting, a pleasant, formal affair. Then was a trip through the human space station they had landed on, with images of bustling ‘streets’ lined with shops and restaurants the likes of which seemed little different than what one might see anywhere in the Federation.
There was a quick clip of the group playing with one of the human domesticated animals they called a [dog], which ended with a declaration of a dinner. This wasn’t shown, but what *was* shown was the suul’marh’s day at the beach, wherein the humans - most of them young children, by the size of them - practically *flocked* to the aliens, the children even wanting the hulking canine to throw them far out into the water. After some time of this, there was a buffet of food laid out for them all, coupled with music and alcohol. It looked like a good time, and it was easy to forget that these little primates were a Class 12 aggressor species.
Until the last clips, which were of the competition the suun’mahs loved to challenge other races with, the humans obviously taking them up on their offer of hand-to-hand fighting. Though he wasn’t sure what to expect, he was somehow both surprised, and not surprised when the human female effortlessly dispatched her opponent, making use of her feet in a way that - though she couldn’t actually *grip* with them - hinted at her primate ancestry. The way the suun’mahs woman’s arm was twisted couldn’t have been all too pleasant, which was probably the reason she began tapping the mat with such force.
The next match between the men lasted much longer, the suun’mahs obviously having watched the round prior, taking note of the human’s agility and quick reflexes, doing his best to not make any rash actions. This fight actually timed out, both combatants trading heavy blows, and massive slams to the mat. But it was the suun’mahs who won in the end, the human officials agreeing that he landed slightly more blows than the human. And so - as the trophy was being presented - the human stepped forward to take it, only to turn and present it to his opponent, giving an admirable show of respect, and sportsmanship.
As the program ended, he noticed the vell’prah at the bar trying to get his attention, which turned out to him wanting to settle his tab; as he went about that transaction, the galan’zhee spoke up.
“*Heh*,” he started gruffly, though his amusement was obvious, “Yeah, those humans can be pretty crazy, sometimes. That was me, by the way, that Kyle - sorry, *Ambassador Redding* - threw to the ground in that bar. Obviously he had a bit of leverage in kicking the stool out from under me like that, but he didn’t hesitate to take the problem head-on, or in deploying the ‘if I go down, I’m taking you with me’ approach. And as you saw, they’re also quick to forgive, given the right circumstances. I’m proud to call that little ape my friend, and that was before he gifted me and my crew some of *this*.”
Here, he held up his left hand, around who’s wrist was a band of what looked like crystal, colored a gunmetal gray.
“‘*Crysthril*’ as he named it; you saw the effects on the screen, but allow me to give you a demonstration here: observe.” With that, there was a loud explosion of glass as all of the alcohol on the shelves behind him destroyed the bottles they were housed in, all rushing to surround the vell’prah who was almost to the door at that point, and then they did the impossible: the alcohols all froze into deadly spikes, all pointing at some point on the vulpin’s body.
“You *really* should’ve paid more attention to the *planets* of that backwater ‘shortcut’, rather than the ships flying through it; then you would’ve been privy to a prize worth more than you could get for an entire *planet* of drahk’mihn, no matter *who* you sold it to. But instead, you gave it away to Ambassador Redding - who sends his regards, by the way. But don’t worry, I believe that the humans want to put you on trial, rather than kill you by draining your Gift from you, the way Kyle did to *your brother*.” This last part he said with vindictive pleasure, and as he did, many of the other patrons began reaching for their weapons… only to stop with surprised looks on their faces. At the confused one springing up on the vell’prah’s face, the galan’zhee laughed.
“*Enhances*. *Gifts*. So that people who would normally need to make direct contact to utilize their Gifts, can now do so remotely. Like you; like the *keen’yhong*…”
As he said that last part, a good many people became visible around his bar, and not just one per person who had reached for their weapons before; the galan’zhee seemed to have three people for every one that seemed to be working for the vell’prah, and only three of the galan’zhee’s crew were keen’yhong.
“They entered with me,” the galan’zhee continued in a breezy manner, nonchalantly inspecting his claws as two other vell’prah - one solid black, the other of the slightly smaller, tan subspecies - each pointed what looked like smaller copies of the human’s rail-rifle, “Been scoping you and your crew out the entire time. And don’t worry: we already took your ship into our custody; wouldn’t want to skimp out when completing my first job for a new species - first impressions, and all. *Alright everyone*,” he called out, looking around the bar, “Cuff ‘em and stuff ‘em: get this trash to the brig.” As his crew began filing out, he tossed a credit-transfer chip to Par’Lo, who caught it easily; even as this happened - and the vell’prah was being cuffed - the alcohol all flowed back to the shelves behind him, still frozen, but in the shapes of the bottles they had occupied before.
“That should cover my tab, plus the damages, there. You should pour those within the next hour, or so; don’t know exactly how long it’ll last. Just pour ‘em out like you normally would, and they’ll unfreeze as needed. Until then, *drinks are on me!*” He called this last part to the bar in general, which was met with resounding cheers; and after he checked the amount on the credit chip - which contained more zeros after a solid number than he had ever seen actually *coming his way* - he put on his best service smile, pouring drinks out to all the people suddenly crowding the bar. And as the crowd closed in, he saw the bounty hunter and his crew filing out of his bar.

I want to say I passed the PMP with AT/AT/AT.
I want to thank this community for the help, especially The lazy man’s step by step guide to passing the PMP (AT/AT/AT) : . I ended up doing Andrew Ramdayal's Udemy Course and studying the Study Hall for around 10 days mostly taking all the practice questions and 4 of the five exams. The range of % was from 50-80 from practice question sets and I was getting a consistent 68% on full exams.
The actual experience was longer than expected. First and foremost, I was audited which is around 6% of the population, and then my application was denied because I did not format my work experience in a way that the Project Management Institute would accept. Then, I re-applied and scheduled the virtual exam.
The virtual exam had several aspects, such as communicating the rules to me, such as not mumbling, and then unfortunately my internet went out. It came back in five minutes. I re-logged in and proceeded to work on the third section and with 30 minutes to go, I was kicked out due to violation of the rules. Initially, I was unsure as to what I did. Since I was taking the exam on the weekend, I had to wait until Monday to call customer service to understand what occurred and ask for a re-take. They were extremely pleasant, professional, and understanding. I scheduled it out for three weeks to help me study and I was supposed to study for two hours each day but I ended up just cramming at the last week and then went to the in-person testing center.
I arrived at the testing center and there were 25 people in the waiting room, and I was asked to take a number. I sat down at 12:10 for the 12:30 exam and a gentleman came out and said that he went in and came out twice now because his exam was crashing. Uh oh. Not this again. I went to an in-person center to avoid problems, and I wondered if fate was sending me a message. The center was having lagging and crashing issues and while I was sitting there, someone came out and said that he finished the exam, but it crashed on submit. As we were all waiting there, we were notified that we could wait for the testing phase to try to address the issue and contact corporate to address it as well, but they were unsure how long it would take. It was the first time this occurred.
I believe I went in to take at 2 o'clock and used up all of the time. I am never really super sure about how these exams go because I think it is a fairly difficult exam in terms of length of time and amount of content, not necessarily for difficulty of question. It was laggy between questions but the clock was stopped so I thought it was fine, however I made to note it afterwards. I was super thankful to get the note saying on preliminary evidence, it looked like I passed!!!!!! Woohoo !!! Congratulations! Now to get back to trying to build my life and my career. Appreciate the read and wanted to share my experience and encourage anyone and everyone on the journey that if I could do it, you can definitely do it as well.

Finally got around sharing our wonderful experience in Kansai (1 Apr 2024 - 10 Apr 2024). We are a family of 4 from Perth, Australia (1 x Toddler turning 4 end of this month and 1 x Infant about 18 months old) joined by my MIL from Malaysia. It was our first time trip to Japan but the second time flying 6 hours long with 2 kids. We chose to travel during this period as it was during Easter holidays and also the most favourable weather for our kids. As we have 4 separate accommodations booked over 9 days, we try to travel as light as possible: 2 x large suitcase, 1 x medium suitcase, 2 x medium bags, 1 x bag pack, 1 x dedicated bag for infant carrier and kids' jumpers + 1 stroller. Our kids still take nap(s) during the day and our plan was having the toddler sleep on the stroller and the infant in the carrier or the stroller if toddler is not using.
After extensive research (mostly from this sub) we still found the first few days to be quite hectic and wish we know some of the things beforehand (listed below the itinerary). I hope this post can help young families who are considering travelling to Japan with kids or those who have travelled to Japan before kids came to the picture to do it again with confidence.

9 Day Itinerary (1 Apr 2024 - 10 Apr 2024)

Day 1 Osaka: Namba (Monday)
Our flight from KUL arrived KIX around 10am and boarded the Nankai Rapid (bought 1 month prior online) to Shin-Imamiya station after getting our luggage. We originally planned to take a taxi from there but failed to find any taxi for 20 mins so we end up walking to our accommodation as the kids were tired of waiting. After offloading our luggage we manage to hail a taxi and head to Namba Parks to rest and unwind. Had a refreshing lunch at Yasaiya Mei (mains + all you can eat side dishes including veg tempura) and went to explore the rooftop parks garden before putting the kids to nap. After the kids woke up we took a taxi back to check in officially. Everyone was quite tired thus we opted to stay in and get dinner from Life supermarket nearby. This was probably the most enjoyable part of the day for the kids wandering around a foreign supermarket as we bought dinner and some light snacks. After putting the kids to bed, we did some laundry and packed our 1st luggage to send away.
Day 2 Osaka: Tennoji (Tuesday)
While everyone was getting ready, I went to the nearby 7-Eleven to forward our 1st luggage to the 4th accommodation via Yamato transport. The shop attendant was helpful and guided me through the process as we communicated via deepL. We walked to the Lawson's at JR Imamiya to get brekkky before taking the Osaka loop Line to JR tennoji. We took quite a while to navigate towards Tennoji Zoo from JR Tennoji but eventually got there after a 15 min detour. It was quite crowded for a Tuesday morning but the kids get to roam around the Tenshiba garden while I queue up for tickets (500 yen per adult). One of the kids fell asleep in the zoo so we decided to just grab food to go at the supermarket outside the zoo for lunch. We then head towards Abeno Q's mall to shop and put the other kid to sleep. There was quite a lot of hot food along the way and we manage to grab some for the kids to snack on after their nap (butaman from Horai 555, mochi donut from Mister Donut, taiyaki etc). There's a fantastic area for kids to play (kid, play, study) at the ground floor with different sensory setup and soft blocks for stacking/ balancing. I spent close to 2 hours there with 2 kids while my wife and MIL went shopping. After that we had dinner at Grand Capital Toyoutei at the Kintetsu mall dining floor before heading to our final activity of the day: Abeno Harukas 300. Tickets were a bit steep (2000 yen per adult) but we end up staying there for quite a bit and the experience was pretty unique even though we missed the sunset timing. The elevator ride to the top though short left quite an impression. The kids enjoyed running around at the sky garden 2 floors below as we rest and enjoy the night view of the city from about 300m above ground. The journey back to our accommodation was pretty straightforward and the kids got knocked out when we got home. All in all Tennoji was a pleasantly great experience and we have a better understanding about JR station layout and navigating underground.
Day 3 Osaka - Kyoto (Wednesday)
This was a rather hectic day as it rained quite a bit and we struggled to get a taxi after checking out, getting turned down by several taxis with "空车". We eventually found one to bring us to JR Osaka station. Navigating at the station wasn't too difficult after yesterday but there were long queues when we arrived at 10am and I made the fatal mistake of leaving my physical credit card back in Perth and spent 45mins trying to redeem limited express tickets I reserved online. The JR staff were friendly and tried their best to help but they can only recommend me cancelling my initial reservation and buying new tickets (cancellation fee was about 2300 yen for 3 adults). As soon as we got our tickets we sprinted to the underground gate about 15 mins walk away. I even carried the stroller and kids through an escalator as we didn't want to waste time finding a lift and risk missing the train. We managed to board the limited express train on time and arrived at JR Kyoto which was even more crowded and larger than most international airports. The kids were quite cranky by now as it has been all rush and long waits since they woke up. I split up with my family with 2 luggage that we initially planned to forward to our Arashiyama accommodation via Sagawa. However I was told same day delivery service is only applicable to limited hotels so I stored the luggage at 2 coin lockers and then head to the Kintetsu line ticket counter to redeem the Kyoto-Nara and Nara-Osaka limited express tickets which fortunately doesn't require my credit card details (just reservation number). By the time I reunite with my family it was still raining and both kids fell asleep so we ditched the plan for Kyoto railway museum and instead went browsing for lunch at Porta and Isetan dining floor. We eventually queued to eat at Ejuan for about 25 minutes while one of the kid was still asleep. The wait was worthwhile as the grilled miso black cod was exceptional as was the kids' grilled chicken. Next we went to the skywalk at level 9 briefly before my family went to the toy section at Isetan while I retrieve our luggage from the coin lockers. We board the Saga line bound for Saga-Arashiyama and rested awhile at the accommodation before heading out for dinner after the rain stopped. We walked to Kijurou and fortunately they have space for us provided we order a main meal per adult. The yakiniku and Wagyu rib loin bowls were pretty good but we find the Hitsumabushi set a bit gimmicky. After dinner we stopped by Kimono Forest on our way back and this was probably the highlight of the kids day.
Day 4 Kyoto: Arashiyama (Thursday)
Had Lawson's for brekky before heading out to Kimono Rental Amuya to hired kimonos for my wife and toddler including hairstyling. The shop was actually a house with the living area turned into a studio and only the owner working by herself so we waited for about half an hour before walking towards the Bamboo Forest and Tenryu-ji gardens (500 yen entry from the north gate but well worth it for the blooming sakura and picturesque lake). It was crowded as expected and everyone was moving slowly so it took us about an hour to complete the loop back to the main tourist strip. We then had Udon for lunch at Ozuru, the chewy noodles were complemented by the broth which was a lot more flavourful than the kitsune Udon we are accustomed to back in Perth. After lunch we head home to put the kids to nap before venturing out in the evening towards Togetsukyo Bridge overlooking the pristine Katsura river flowing gracefully from Mt Arashi in the backdrop. The view was breathtaking and we crossed over to Arashiyama park where the kids had a great time running around free range. As the sun was setting, we head back to the town centre, took a novelty Randen ride and grab some food (Naruse's Unagi, Upit's Burger) en route to our accommodation to eat in before calling it a day.
Day 5 Kyoto (Friday)
After checking out we took the Saga line to JR Kyoto station and forwarded the medium sized luggage to the 4th accommodation in Osaka using Crosta. We then did some light shopping at Yodabashi Camera Kyoto as my MIL shoes had kick the bucket and we needed a replacement. Manage to sneak in the only ramen meal of the trip at Ramen Chabuton located upstairs. It was a fairly small shop but we were lucky to get a table just before the Friday lunch rush hour and our ramen cravings were thoroughly satiated. We put the kids down for a quick nap as we make our way back to JR Kyoto to take the Saga line towards Kyoto railway museum. This is an underrated attraction with so much to do and we could have spent the whole day here if I knew they had coin lockers. There were many interactive and educational displays relating to train components in addition to multiple play areas upstairs as well as an outdoor playground! There's also a mockup ticket gate for kids to learn how to purchase a ticket and pass through the gate. Our kids loved the ball pit, toy train area and large train simulator. We couldn't squeeze enough time to explore the 3rd floor or watch the diorama presentation or board the Steam Locomotive as it was getting late. We took a taxi to check-in at Kamoya Ryokan before taking the bus to Nishiki Market for dinner. It's about 6pm and most of the shops were shutting and the remaining ones that are open had queues building up quickly. We ended up waiting 30 mins to eat sushi at Sushi Say. There's a limited range of cooked food including skewers which we got for our kids while we share a nigiri platter and sashimi. After dinner we went to the basement of Daimaru Kyoto across the road to get some baked goods for brekky before taking the taxi home to crash.
Day 6 Kyoto (Saturday)
My MIL wanted to take it easy and explore the area at her own pace so we had a more spontaneous day. After brekky, we took the bus to Yasaka Shrine and started our trek towards Heian Jingu, stopping along the way to enjoy the blossoming park and munching on food from street vendors. We paid to enter the shrine garden (600 yen per adult) which was very worth it for a 30 minute stroll and escape from the bustling crowd outside. We grab some food to eat from the street vendors as one of the kid slept and then head to the playground across the road (Wagener Square) and spent a good 30 minutes there even though it was a bit basic (Perth is blessed with many great playgrounds). Once both kids are feeling refreshed we felt adventurous and took the bus to attempt the hike up Kiyomizu-dera. Since its a Saturday, the Sannenzaka path was packed with phenomenal crowds with the occasional car coming through and splitting the crowd apart. I carried the infant to sleep while my wife push our toddler on the stroller as we slowly make our way up, stopping by for a nice matcha latte and softserve at Here cafe to recharge. We eventually reached the base of the temple after 30 minutes and decided against entering due to the massive crowds (& stairs!). On the way down we reached the fork that branches into Ninenzaka and thought we try giving it a go. There were a lot more stairs over this side and we had to carry the stroller through the steps while waiting for the crowd to advance before us. As physically draining as it was, we felt a sense of achievement as we manage to snap a photo with the iconic Hokanji temple. We took the bus home after that and had an enjoyable dinner at Okonomiyaki Yoshino next door before an early night to recover.
Day 7 Kyoto - Nara - Osaka (Sunday)
We had some leftover food for brekky before checking out and heading to JR Kyoto via taxi. We head to the Kintetsu line and boarded the Vistacar limited express train to Nara. I've booked for the private room down stairs which was pretty spacious for the 5 of us and our luggage. After arriving at Kintetsu-Nara station, we took the 100 yen tourist bus to the famous Nara Deer Park and started exploring the area. There were plenty of deer roaming throughout/ resting on the ground and several vendors at the entrance selling deer crackers. After the kids were done feeding 2 sets of crackers, we head to Mizuya Chaya for lunch. There were limited seating so we sat by the side and ate with the bowl in our hands while feeding the kids. Probably the best Udon we had in our lives (level above Ozuru in Arashiyama and Hifumiya in Perth). Time for a nap so we put the kids down while making our way to have a closer look at Todaiji temple as there were too many stairs to Kasuga-taisha and we have yet to recover. We had our first Cremia here and it was amazing. After the kids woke up we took the bus back to Kintetsu-Nara station and explored the nearby street while waiting for our train. We then boarded the HINOTORI limited express bound for Osaka. While walking towards the hotel to check in, we were passing by Dotombori and opted to have a quick dinner and call it a day rather than coming out again after checking in and offloading our luggage. We ended up having curry at Hariju Dotombori Curry shop which taste d like a homely nourishing meal. After dinner we took the taxi to the hotel and fortunately our 2 other luggage that we forwarded days before are waiting for us to collect. Did some repacking and also laundry at a nearby laundromat before sleep.
Day 8 Osaka: Osaka Bay Area (Monday)
Started the day with brekky at MOS Burger just outside our hotel before taking the metro train to Osaka Bay Area. There were plenty to see as we approach the Kaiyukan, large LEGO animal displays, the large ferris wheel and Disney characters. The ticketing and entry time is staggered which is a good idea to control the amount of crowds going in and out. I started queueing at 1035am and got entry for 11am which was fair (opted not to book timeslot online as it can be unpredictable with kids and public transit) but we didn't felt like its a long wait as the kids were running around and enjoying the ocean view. The entry also have a photographer stationed to take a family polaroid with a whale shark replica for FREE. We were impressed with the aquarium's efficient layout where some prominent displays (Whale Shark, Seals etc) span across multiple floors so you can still enjoy them later on if you missed it earlier due to the crowds. Apart from sea creatures there are also Arctic mammals and birds (Puffins) from all over the world. The kids were over stimulated by lunch time so we head to the food court at Tempozan Market Place to refuel. After lunch we took the kids for a ferris wheel ride before putting both to sleep while we make our way to Shinsaibashisuji Shopping Street via metro line. As the kids were still asleep, I rested at Daimaru with my MIL while my wife went shopping. This turn out to be a fantastic place with a floor dedicated for kids (Pokemon centre, Pokemon cafe, BorneLund mini play area with many display toys available for sampling). The kids spent the rest of the day here after they woke up and we had dinner at the dining floor. There were queues everywhere and we chose to wait at Aozora Blue as they offer udon made with a higher wheat ratio here. Regrettably the kids didn't enjoy as much and prefer regular ones that we are used to. After dinner we took away cheescake from Rikuro for dessert back at our hotel. I made sure to online check in our flights before I go to bed.
Day 9 Osaka: Dotombori (Tuesday)
Our final day in Japan and we chose to do some shopping and take it easy. Tried Doutor Coffee for brekky (took a while to find as it was underground) before walking to Don Quijote at Dotombori. There's 6 floors crammed with various items: snacks, electronics, clothing, non prescription medication, toys, collectibles as well as a functional ferris wheel (operates after 2pm). That being said the kids got bored after awhile and didn't really enjoy much as there wasn't much space to move around. I brought them out to stroll around the Ebisu-bashi Bridge while my wife and MIL continue their haul. It was certainly a sight to behold: countless amount of large LCD screens with surround sound on full blast from every high rise building, street buskers vying for attention from crowds that were constantly on the move, tourists taking selfies in front of the iconic Glicoman. Sadly it started to drizzle so I quickly entered the Shinsaibashisuji Shopping Street undercover area and look for a place to have lunch. I stumbled across a Yoshinoya & Hanamaru joint food hall which was bustling with both locals and foreigners. You have to order and get your food from the counter before you can occupy a table so I waited for my wife and MIL to arrive before we start queueing up. We had the gyudon and beef Udon with onsen egg along with chicken karaage and tempura. There's also a condiment station with toppings to complement your udon as well as free tea and water. Everything was very affordable and best of all we didn't had to wait long. After lunch my wife continuing shopping while we head to Daimaru for the kids to have a nap and play afterwards. I noticed there's a bridge that connects each floor to the Parco next door and discovered a unique floor full of pop culture themed stores including a studio Ghibli store featuring Totoro and No-Face displays, a 2 ft tall Godzilla, Ultraman, Capcom superstore, Sanrio (Hello Kitty), Snoopy, Rilakkuma and also a LEGO store. The kids had a great time browsing and also playing with LEGO before my wife reunites with us. As it's nearing dinner time, I thought we try our luck getting a table at Ganko Dotombori and make our way towards Ebisu-bashi Bridge. The view here is even more spectacular at night with the contrasting lights as well as numerous LCD displays illuminating the area. Unfortunately there's a lengthy wait at Ganko and our party voted for street food instead which turn out surprising well. Kids devoured a dozen gyozas while we had takoyaki, kobe beef nigiri, yakitori and yakiniku skewers as we strolled along the street. It was still early so we made a detour towards Hozenji before walking back the hotel. Then we stumbled upon an arcade (Amuse Factory AXE) which naturally drawn the kids in, we got popcorn from a vending machine there and it was enough to keep the kids happy on our trek back. Before taking our last sleep in Japan, we organized our luggage and get them ready for check out the next day.
Day 10 Osaka: Sayonara (Wednesday)
Checked out of the hotel and took a private airport taxi to KIX. Had brekky at McD and Lawsons and surprised to find that the food here costs the same as outside (e.g. McD/ Hungry Jacks at Malaysian/ Australian airports cost more than the metro/ suburban outlets). Boarded the flight and bid Japan farewell for now while soaking in the surreal time we had.
List of accommodations for 3 adults and 1 child + 1 infant/ toddler
1. Orange House 701 (22,500 yen for 2 nights) 10/10
Location is not bad in a quiet area South of the bustling Dotombori area with Konbinis and JR Imamiya within walking distance. Washing machine, shower and stove took some time to figure out and my kid accidentally turned on the stove but luckily there's a safety button. Overall a brilliant accommodation at an affordable price and will consider returning if we come back to Osaka with kids.
2. Arashiyama bamboo guest house (55,650 yen for 2 nights + 1200 yen tax) 8/10
Prime location 1 min away from JR station, Lawson and walking distances to the local tourist strip, Bamboo Grove, Tenryu-ji and Togetsukyo Bridge. However the room is located on the 3rd floor with no lift so it can be a challenge for kids and older folk. The owner was kind enough to carry our 2 X 20kg luggage up and speaks a little English. The stay was rather comfortable even with futons to sleep on while my MIL slept on one of the single beds. We are unlikely returning to Arashiyama but would recommend this place if it suits your budget.
3. Kamoya Ryokan (35,400 yen for 2 nights + 2000 yen tax) 7.5/10
Not as central as the other accommodations but still within 10 mins walking distance to JR and bus lines. This is a shared accommodation so fridge, microwave and hot/ cold water is in the common area but we have a private bathroom to use. There are no beds so we all slept side by side on futons in the same room. For some reason kids are also taxed to stay a night here (200 yen) but the host was super friendly, spoke a bit of basic English and helped us with ordering a taxi when we checked out. For the price this is not a bad place for short term stay if cosleeping on futons together as a family is acceptable. Bonus: the okonomiyaki place next door is quite good albeit requiring a bit more effort to communicate but is worth it as plenty of locals seem to frequent there and our kids love the yakisoba.
4. Best Western Hotel Fino Osaka Shinsaibashi (40,450 yen for 3 nights) 8/10
Functional hotel relatively close to Shinsaibashi shopping street and Dotombori. 1 min walk away from Osaka metro station and 7 Eleven. There's also a 24 hour laundromat 5 mins walk away. Facilities are bare minimal but gets the job done as we only needed the place to crash and freshen up since there's a lot of shopping and remaining sightseeing to be done. All reception staff spoke English well and check in/ out was rather smooth. I would consider staying again if the rooms were larger but can't complain at this price point and location.
List of eateries we consider returning

• Yasaiya Mei
• Ejuan
• Kijurou
• Ozuru
• Upit's Burger
• Ramen Chabuton
• Okonomiyaki Yoshino
• Mizuya Chaya
• Yoshinoya & Hanamaru

Highlight of each day for the kids

1. Wandering around Life supermarket and exploring a new accommodation
2. Running around 300m above ground at the Abeno Harukas sky garden while having fruits/ snacks in between
3. Visiting Kimono Forest after dinner, watching the randen pass by at the crossing
4. Running around at Arashiyama park and watching the majestic Katsura river flowing rapidly
5. The outdoor playground at Kyoto railway museum among many other fun things there
6. The playground at Wagener Square across Heian Jingu
7. Interacting with deer and eating udon outdoors
8. Seeing different sea animals up close and ferris wheel ride after
9. Making friends at BorneLund and having imaginary play together despite the language barrier

Lessons learned (not in chronological order)

General tips

• We prepared about 160,000 yen cash before arriving at Japan but also have money via 1 x transfer wise debit card (digital), 1 x Westpac credit card (digital), 1 x ING debit card (physical). We ended up withdrawing a further 200,000 yen worth of cash. We opted not to bring any AUD as the rate is quite poor in Japan since most would prefer foreign exchangers would prefer USD.
• We didn't get to use our digital cards as most places in Kansai (Kanto might be different) that offer card payments still requires a physical card to read the chip.
• Please remember to bring the physical card of the credit card used for any online booking to avoid the stress I endured on day 3.
• We booked all the transit tickets online about a month prior and find it worthwhile rather than spending 15 - 30 mins in queue at the ticket counters. The limited express tickets go crazy fast and I recommend booking them the hour they become available (1 month prior your transit date and as soon as it is open in Japan time).
• We booked all 4 accommodations via booking.com and find the messenger via the app very handy in liaising with the owne receptionist on whether we can offload our luggage earlier or forward our luggage a few days in advance. One of them even told me that I can check in few hours earlier as the room was ready. Regardless of what platform you use, try to communicate with the accommodation prior your arrival if you are considering forwarding luggage or dropping them off before your official check in time.
• Booking multiple accommodations over a short span of time is very tiring as we are needing to worry about getting our luggage from A to B every second day but only able to check in the next place 5 - 6 hours after checking out the previous place (Most checkin starts from 3pm and checkout from 10am). Our transition days are always stressful as we don't get to do much due to the timing while handling multiple baggage so the kids are crankier.
• Rubbish/ garbage cans are mainly found on major train stations or shopping malls as well as konbinis. Most vending machines only have a recycle bin but we have plenty of disposable nappy bags which we use as rubbish bags if needed.
• We had 3 data Sims about 5GB each which was sufficient for the 9 days (navigation, Google translate, WhatsApp voice call). Free wifi is available at most places which we use whenever we need to photo dump on WhatsApp group chats or play YouTube for the kids.
• My eSim stopped working when we arrived at Kyoto from Osaka but luckily I tried rebooting my phone and it connected to the local network after. Another down side of data only Sim is there is no Japanese mobile number which can be handy (make reservations at restaurants or signing up for taxi apps to get taxi).
• We use Google Maps and Japan Travel by NAVITIME App to plan our overall route each day, public transit details is quite clear via Google Maps with several options for different J metro/ bus lines. While Japan Travel App is able to approximate cost of taxi which was useful for comparison.
• For translation, we used DeepL app when we wanted to converse with someone in Japanese and Google Translate for written Japanese translation via the camera.
• In Osaka, getting around via JR and Metro is optimal in terms of time and cost; In Kyoto, buses are more readily available but be prepared to stand shoulder to shoulder as the buses are not big and averages around 30 - 50 people. We recommend a taxi if travelling a short distance (<10 minutes) for a family that can fit into a single car.
• You can forward luggage at your hotel or local 7 eleven via Yamato transport within Osaka.
• The Jikan refreshing legs patch worked well for me but my wife got woken up few times as her feet felt cold due to the cooling effect. We got some heat patches the next day and it worked better for her.
• A few Japanese phrases go along way and perhaps it's why we mostly get friendly responses (arigato gozaimas, ohaiyo, konnichiwa, kore onegaishimas, doitashi mashite, hitotsu onegaishimas, daijorbudes, kodomo).
• The basement level of most department stores/ shopping malls sells a variety of package deserts and often a bakery opened till 8pm where we sometimes go to after dinner to get brekky for the next morning.
• Some malls have an express lift (stops only at 1F and 10F) and it may be quicker to use those in combination with escalators to get to the level you like quickly.
• Coin lockers are found is almost every major attraction and JR station but finding a large one that is available can be challenging so allow extra time. Most coin lockers only take 100 yen coins with the exception of newer ones which also takes IC cards as payment.
• Some food courts have drinkable water for you to refill your bottles but otherwise vending machines and konbinis will quench your hydration needs (the peach drink is pretty addictive).
• Other than Booking.com, Google maps, Google Translate, DeepL and Japan Travel by NAVITIME, we didn't really used the other apps we downloaded before hand but you might find a use for them: Mamamap, NERV, Ecbo cloak, Klook.

Child related tips

• Younger kids take awhile to acclimatize to a foreign environment and our kids were more lethargic than they normally are during the day, sometimes needing 2 naps instead of 1 so be prepared to adjust your plans and skip over some places that were catered specifically for them if needed.
• Google maps only tells you the distance to get you from Point A to Point B horizontally. Unfortunately it doesn't consider the routes involving travelling multiple floors to avoid heavy traffic even with wheelchair access enabled. For instance you can go across Tenshiba Garden from JR Tennoji via the overhead bridge (not ideal as the route is longer with a stroller) or underground (best with a stroller but unfortunately Google Maps doesn't show this route and we stumble across it by chance).
• Google maps navigation over multiple floors is also not very accurate but the local directory maps are very informative so take extra time to study it and find the nearest access (parents room, lift or exit to above ground/ underground).
• The lift (singular as most train station platforms only share one lift unless it's a major one like Osaka/ Kyoto etc), are often located at one end of the platform so allow additional 15 - 20 minutes when travelling with strollers or luggage.
• Most department stores/ shopping malls (Daimaru etc) have a floor suitable for kids with toy samples for playing and sometimes even a free play area (Bornelund).
• Our kids love the Butaman from Horai and we probably purchased from 5 different stores throughout the trip (they are located at almost every major station and department store). Find something that works for your kids that can be found readily (7-11, family mart, Lawson's, daily Yamazaki etc) as back up when they didn't want to eat where you were dining at or if they fell asleep and skipped a meal.
• 100 yen stores (Daiso, 3 coins, Seria, Can*Do, Watts) have plenty of cheap kid activities (e.g. sticker books, puzzles, bubble wand etc) that can entertain them throughout the day/ in restaurants/ in the showe in the accommodation before bed etc.
• Paid Attractions in Kansai that are worthwhile if your kids are under 5 (6 and above may be charged separately): Tennoji Zoo, Abeno Harukas 300, Kyoto Railway Museum, Osaka Kaiyukan, Tempozan Ferris Wheel.
• Other brekky alternatives that we liked apart from konbinis/ bakeries were MOS burgers and Doutor coffee. Gyudons (sukiya, matsuya, yoshinoya) morning menu was a bit too heavy for our kids and other options we would have tried were too far from where we stayed (Tully's, McDonalds, KoHiKan).
• Some places require you order a main meal per adult but we are small eaters so we make sure what we ordered was something our kids might eat (not spicy etc).
• Tabelog is useful to tell you the size of the restaurant and we avoided anywhere that seats less than 20 people to save time.
• We tried to eat at a restaurant for lunch and dinner the first few days but actually realize the kids enjoy munching on small eats from konbinis/ street vendors more than a casual sit down meal so we were a bit more spontaneous the second half of the trip.
• Watch out for deer poo at Nara especially when pushing your stroller! Most of the deer are quite friendly and let you pet them but don't touch their tail area as they can get defensive. If your kids are feeding away the crackers too quickly, break them in half so you have more 'ammunition'.
• Metro and JR Trains (including limited express ones) stop for less than 10 seconds. Please remember to unlock your stroller when you are approaching your next stop and prepare to jump out.

Finally got around sharing our wonderful experience in Kansai (1 Apr 2024 - 10 Apr 2024). We are a family of 4 from Perth, Australia (1 x Toddler turning 4 end of this month and 1 x Infant about 18 months old) joined by my MIL from Malaysia. It was our first time trip to Japan but the second time flying 6 hours long with 2 kids. We chose to travel during this period as it was during Easter holidays and also the most favourable weather for our kids. As we have 4 separate accommodations booked over 9 days, we try to travel as light as possible: 2 x large suitcase, 1 x medium suitcase, 2 x medium bags, 1 x bag pack, 1 x dedicated bag for infant carrier and kids' jumpers + 1 stroller. Our kids still take nap(s) during the day and our plan was having the toddler sleep on the stroller and the infant in the carrier or the stroller if toddler is not using.
After extensive research (mostly from this sub) we still found the first few days to be quite hectic and wish we know some of the things beforehand (listed below the itinerary). I hope this post can help young families who are considering travelling to Japan with kids or those who have travelled to Japan before kids came to the picture to do it again with confidence.

9 Day Itinerary (1 Apr 2024 - 10 Apr 2024)

Day 1 Osaka: Namba (Monday)
Our flight from KUL arrived KIX around 10am and boarded the Nankai Rapid (bought 1 month prior online) to Shin-Imamiya station after getting our luggage. We originally planned to take a taxi from there but failed to find any taxi for 20 mins so we end up walking to our accommodation as the kids were tired of waiting. After offloading our luggage we manage to hail a taxi and head to Namba Parks to rest and unwind. Had a refreshing lunch at Yasaiya Mei (mains + all you can eat side dishes including veg tempura) and went to explore the rooftop parks garden before putting the kids to nap. After the kids woke up we took a taxi back to check in officially. Everyone was quite tired thus we opted to stay in and get dinner from Life supermarket nearby. This was probably the most enjoyable part of the day for the kids wandering around a foreign supermarket as we bought dinner and some light snacks. After putting the kids to bed, we did some laundry and packed our 1st luggage to send away.
Day 2 Osaka: Tennoji (Tuesday)
While everyone was getting ready, I went to the nearby 7-Eleven to forward our 1st luggage to the 4th accommodation via Yamato transport. The shop attendant was helpful and guided me through the process as we communicated via deepL. We walked to the Lawson's at JR Imamiya to get brekkky before taking the Osaka loop Line to JR tennoji. We took quite a while to navigate towards Tennoji Zoo from JR Tennoji but eventually got there after a 15 min detour. It was quite crowded for a Tuesday morning but the kids get to roam around the Tenshiba garden while I queue up for tickets (500 yen per adult). One of the kids fell asleep in the zoo so we decided to just grab food to go at the supermarket outside the zoo for lunch. We then head towards Abeno Q's mall to shop and put the other kid to sleep. There was quite a lot of hot food along the way and we manage to grab some for the kids to snack on after their nap (butaman from Horai 555, mochi donut from Mister Donut, taiyaki etc). There's a fantastic area for kids to play (kid, play, study) at the ground floor with different sensory setup and soft blocks for stacking/ balancing. I spent close to 2 hours there with 2 kids while my wife and MIL went shopping. After that we had dinner at Grand Capital Toyoutei at the Kintetsu mall dining floor before heading to our final activity of the day: Abeno Harukas 300. Tickets were a bit steep (2000 yen per adult) but we end up staying there for quite a bit and the experience was pretty unique even though we missed the sunset timing. The elevator ride to the top though short left quite an impression. The kids enjoyed running around at the sky garden 2 floors below as we rest and enjoy the night view of the city from about 300m above ground. The journey back to our accommodation was pretty straightforward and the kids got knocked out when we got home. All in all Tennoji was a pleasantly great experience and we have a better understanding about JR station layout and navigating underground.
Day 3 Osaka - Kyoto (Wednesday)
This was a rather hectic day as it rained quite a bit and we struggled to get a taxi after checking out, getting turned down by several taxis with "空车". We eventually found one to bring us to JR Osaka station. Navigating at the station wasn't too difficult after yesterday but there were long queues when we arrived at 10am and I made the fatal mistake of leaving my physical credit card back in Perth and spent 45mins trying to redeem limited express tickets I reserved online. The JR staff were friendly and tried their best to help but they can only recommend me cancelling my initial reservation and buying new tickets (cancellation fee was about 2300 yen for 3 adults). As soon as we got our tickets we sprinted to the underground gate about 15 mins walk away. I even carried the stroller and kids through an escalator as we didn't want to waste time finding a lift and risk missing the train. We managed to board the limited express train on time and arrived at JR Kyoto which was even more crowded and larger than most international airports. The kids were quite cranky by now as it has been all rush and long waits since they woke up. I split up with my family with 2 luggage that we initially planned to forward to our Arashiyama accommodation via Sagawa. However I was told same day delivery service is only applicable to limited hotels so I stored the luggage at 2 coin lockers and then head to the Kintetsu line ticket counter to redeem the Kyoto-Nara and Nara-Osaka limited express tickets which fortunately doesn't require my credit card details (just reservation number). By the time I reunite with my family it was still raining and both kids fell asleep so we ditched the plan for Kyoto railway museum and instead went browsing for lunch at Porta and Isetan dining floor. We eventually queued to eat at Ejuan for about 25 minutes while one of the kid was still asleep. The wait was worthwhile as the grilled miso black cod was exceptional as was the kids' grilled chicken. Next we went to the skywalk at level 9 briefly before my family went to the toy section at Isetan while I retrieve our luggage from the coin lockers. We board the Saga line bound for Saga-Arashiyama and rested awhile at the accommodation before heading out for dinner after the rain stopped. We walked to Kijurou and fortunately they have space for us provided we order a main meal per adult. The yakiniku and Wagyu rib loin bowls were pretty good but we find the Hitsumabushi set a bit gimmicky. After dinner we stopped by Kimono Forest on our way back and this was probably the highlight of the kids day.
Day 4 Kyoto: Arashiyama (Thursday)
Had Lawson's for brekky before heading out to Kimono Rental Amuya to hired kimonos for my wife and toddler including hairstyling. The shop was actually a house with the living area turned into a studio and only the owner working by herself so we waited for about half an hour before walking towards the Bamboo Forest and Tenryu-ji gardens (500 yen entry from the north gate but well worth it for the blooming sakura and picturesque lake). It was crowded as expected and everyone was moving slowly so it took us about an hour to complete the loop back to the main tourist strip. We then had Udon for lunch at Ozuru, the chewy noodles were complemented by the broth which was a lot more flavourful than the kitsune Udon we are accustomed to back in Perth. After lunch we head home to put the kids to nap before venturing out in the evening towards Togetsukyo Bridge overlooking the pristine Katsura river flowing gracefully from Mt Arashi in the backdrop. The view was breathtaking and we crossed over to Arashiyama park where the kids had a great time running around free range. As the sun was setting, we head back to the town centre, took a novelty Randen ride and grab some food (Naruse's Unagi, Upit's Burger) en route to our accommodation to eat in before calling it a day.
Day 5 Kyoto (Friday)
After checking out we took the Saga line to JR Kyoto station and forwarded the medium sized luggage to the 4th accommodation in Osaka using Crosta. We then did some light shopping at Yodabashi Camera Kyoto as my MIL shoes had kick the bucket and we needed a replacement. Manage to sneak in the only ramen meal of the trip at Ramen Chabuton located upstairs. It was a fairly small shop but we were lucky to get a table just before the Friday lunch rush hour and our ramen cravings were thoroughly satiated. We put the kids down for a quick nap as we make our way back to JR Kyoto to take the Saga line towards Kyoto railway museum. This is an underrated attraction with so much to do and we could have spent the whole day here if I knew they had coin lockers. There were many interactive and educational displays relating to train components in addition to multiple play areas upstairs as well as an outdoor playground! There's also a mockup ticket gate for kids to learn how to purchase a ticket and pass through the gate. Our kids loved the ball pit, toy train area and large train simulator. We couldn't squeeze enough time to explore the 3rd floor or watch the diorama presentation or board the Steam Locomotive as it was getting late. We took a taxi to check-in at Kamoya Ryokan before taking the bus to Nishiki Market for dinner. It's about 6pm and most of the shops were shutting and the remaining ones that are open had queues building up quickly. We ended up waiting 30 mins to eat sushi at Sushi Say. There's a limited range of cooked food including skewers which we got for our kids while we share a nigiri platter and sashimi. After dinner we went to the basement of Daimaru Kyoto across the road to get some baked goods for brekky before taking the taxi home to crash.
Day 6 Kyoto (Saturday)
My MIL wanted to take it easy and explore the area at her own pace so we had a more spontaneous day. After brekky, we took the bus to Yasaka Shrine and started our trek towards Heian Jingu, stopping along the way to enjoy the blossoming park and munching on food from street vendors. We paid to enter the shrine garden (600 yen per adult) which was very worth it for a 30 minute stroll and escape from the bustling crowd outside. We grab some food to eat from the street vendors as one of the kid slept and then head to the playground across the road (Wagener Square) and spent a good 30 minutes there even though it was a bit basic (Perth is blessed with many great playgrounds). Once both kids are feeling refreshed we felt adventurous and took the bus to attempt the hike up Kiyomizu-dera. Since its a Saturday, the Sannenzaka path was packed with phenomenal crowds with the occasional car coming through and splitting the crowd apart. I carried the infant to sleep while my wife push our toddler on the stroller as we slowly make our way up, stopping by for a nice matcha latte and softserve at Here cafe to recharge. We eventually reached the base of the temple after 30 minutes and decided against entering due to the massive crowds (& stairs!). On the way down we reached the fork that branches into Ninenzaka and thought we try giving it a go. There were a lot more stairs over this side and we had to carry the stroller through the steps while waiting for the crowd to advance before us. As physically draining as it was, we felt a sense of achievement as we manage to snap a photo with the iconic Hokanji temple. We took the bus home after that and had an enjoyable dinner at Okonomiyaki Yoshino next door before an early night to recover.
Day 7 Kyoto - Nara - Osaka (Sunday)
We had some leftover food for brekky before checking out and heading to JR Kyoto via taxi. We head to the Kintetsu line and boarded the Vistacar limited express train to Nara. I've booked for the private room down stairs which was pretty spacious for the 5 of us and our luggage. After arriving at Kintetsu-Nara station, we took the 100 yen tourist bus to the famous Nara Deer Park and started exploring the area. There were plenty of deer roaming throughout/ resting on the ground and several vendors at the entrance selling deer crackers. After the kids were done feeding 2 sets of crackers, we head to Mizuya Chaya for lunch. There were limited seating so we sat by the side and ate with the bowl in our hands while feeding the kids. Probably the best Udon we had in our lives (level above Ozuru in Arashiyama and Hifumiya in Perth). Time for a nap so we put the kids down while making our way to have a closer look at Todaiji temple as there were too many stairs to Kasuga-taisha and we have yet to recover. We had our first Cremia here and it was amazing. After the kids woke up we took the bus back to Kintetsu-Nara station and explored the nearby street while waiting for our train. We then boarded the HINOTORI limited express bound for Osaka. While walking towards the hotel to check in, we were passing by Dotombori and opted to have a quick dinner and call it a day rather than coming out again after checking in and offloading our luggage. We ended up having curry at Hariju Dotombori Curry shop which taste d like a homely nourishing meal. After dinner we took the taxi to the hotel and fortunately our 2 other luggage that we forwarded days before are waiting for us to collect. Did some repacking and also laundry at a nearby laundromat before sleep.
Day 8 Osaka: Osaka Bay Area (Monday)
Started the day with brekky at MOS Burger just outside our hotel before taking the metro train to Osaka Bay Area. There were plenty to see as we approach the Kaiyukan, large LEGO animal displays, the large ferris wheel and Disney characters. The ticketing and entry time is staggered which is a good idea to control the amount of crowds going in and out. I started queueing at 1035am and got entry for 11am which was fair (opted not to book timeslot online as it can be unpredictable with kids and public transit) but we didn't felt like its a long wait as the kids were running around and enjoying the ocean view. The entry also have a photographer stationed to take a family polaroid with a whale shark replica for FREE. We were impressed with the aquarium's efficient layout where some prominent displays (Whale Shark, Seals etc) span across multiple floors so you can still enjoy them later on if you missed it earlier due to the crowds. Apart from sea creatures there are also Arctic mammals and birds (Puffins) from all over the world. The kids were over stimulated by lunch time so we head to the food court at Tempozan Market Place to refuel. After lunch we took the kids for a ferris wheel ride before putting both to sleep while we make our way to Shinsaibashisuji Shopping Street via metro line. As the kids were still asleep, I rested at Daimaru with my MIL while my wife went shopping. This turn out to be a fantastic place with a floor dedicated for kids (Pokemon centre, Pokemon cafe, BorneLund mini play area with many display toys available for sampling). The kids spent the rest of the day here after they woke up and we had dinner at the dining floor. There were queues everywhere and we chose to wait at Aozora Blue as they offer udon made with a higher wheat ratio here. Regrettably the kids didn't enjoy as much and prefer regular ones that we are used to. After dinner we took away cheescake from Rikuro for dessert back at our hotel. I made sure to online check in our flights before I go to bed.
Day 9 Osaka: Dotombori (Tuesday)
Our final day in Japan and we chose to do some shopping and take it easy. Tried Doutor Coffee for brekky (took a while to find as it was underground) before walking to Don Quijote at Dotombori. There's 6 floors crammed with various items: snacks, electronics, clothing, non prescription medication, toys, collectibles as well as a functional ferris wheel (operates after 2pm). That being said the kids got bored after awhile and didn't really enjoy much as there wasn't much space to move around. I brought them out to stroll around the Ebisu-bashi Bridge while my wife and MIL continue their haul. It was certainly a sight to behold: countless amount of large LCD screens with surround sound on full blast from every high rise building, street buskers vying for attention from crowds that were constantly on the move, tourists taking selfies in front of the iconic Glicoman. Sadly it started to drizzle so I quickly entered the Shinsaibashisuji Shopping Street undercover area and look for a place to have lunch. I stumbled across a Yoshinoya & Hanamaru joint food hall which was bustling with both locals and foreigners. You have to order and get your food from the counter before you can occupy a table so I waited for my wife and MIL to arrive before we start queueing up. We had the gyudon and beef Udon with onsen egg along with chicken karaage and tempura. There's also a condiment station with toppings to complement your udon as well as free tea and water. Everything was very affordable and best of all we didn't had to wait long. After lunch my wife continuing shopping while we head to Daimaru for the kids to have a nap and play afterwards. I noticed there's a bridge that connects each floor to the Parco next door and discovered a unique floor full of pop culture themed stores including a studio Ghibli store featuring Totoro and No-Face displays, a 2 ft tall Godzilla, Ultraman, Capcom superstore, Sanrio (Hello Kitty), Snoopy, Rilakkuma and also a LEGO store. The kids had a great time browsing and also playing with LEGO before my wife reunites with us. As it's nearing dinner time, I thought we try our luck getting a table at Ganko Dotombori and make our way towards Ebisu-bashi Bridge. The view here is even more spectacular at night with the contrasting lights as well as numerous LCD displays illuminating the area. Unfortunately there's a lengthy wait at Ganko and our party voted for street food instead which turn out surprising well. Kids devoured a dozen gyozas while we had takoyaki, kobe beef nigiri, yakitori and yakiniku skewers as we strolled along the street. It was still early so we made a detour towards Hozenji before walking back the hotel. Then we stumbled upon an arcade (Amuse Factory AXE) which naturally drawn the kids in, we got popcorn from a vending machine there and it was enough to keep the kids happy on our trek back. Before taking our last sleep in Japan, we organized our luggage and get them ready for check out the next day.
Day 10 Osaka: Sayonara (Wednesday)
Checked out of the hotel and took a private airport taxi to KIX. Had brekky at McD and Lawsons and surprised to find that the food here costs the same as outside (e.g. McD/ Hungry Jacks at Malaysian/ Australian airports cost more than the metro/ suburban outlets). Boarded the flight and bid Japan farewell for now while soaking in the surreal time we had.
List of accommodations for 3 adults and 1 child + 1 infant/ toddler
1. Orange House 701 (22,500 yen for 2 nights) 10/10
Location is not bad in a quiet area South of the bustling Dotombori area with Konbinis and JR Imamiya within walking distance. Washing machine, shower and stove took some time to figure out and my kid accidentally turned on the stove but luckily there's a safety button. Overall a brilliant accommodation at an affordable price and will consider returning if we come back to Osaka with kids.
2. Arashiyama bamboo guest house (55,650 yen for 2 nights + 1200 yen tax) 8/10
Prime location 1 min away from JR station, Lawson and walking distances to the local tourist strip, Bamboo Grove, Tenryu-ji and Togetsukyo Bridge. However the room is located on the 3rd floor with no lift so it can be a challenge for kids and older folk. The owner was kind enough to carry our 2 X 20kg luggage up and speaks a little English. The stay was rather comfortable even with futons to sleep on while my MIL slept on one of the single beds. We are unlikely returning to Arashiyama but would recommend this place if it suits your budget.
3. Kamoya Ryokan (35,400 yen for 2 nights + 2000 yen tax) 7.5/10
Not as central as the other accommodations but still within 10 mins walking distance to JR and bus lines. This is a shared accommodation so fridge, microwave and hot/ cold water is in the common area but we have a private bathroom to use. There are no beds so we all slept side by side on futons in the same room. For some reason kids are also taxed to stay a night here (200 yen) but the host was super friendly, spoke a bit of basic English and helped us with ordering a taxi when we checked out. For the price this is not a bad place for short term stay if cosleeping on futons together as a family is acceptable. Bonus: the okonomiyaki place next door is quite good albeit requiring a bit more effort to communicate but is worth it as plenty of locals seem to frequent there and our kids love the yakisoba.
4. Best Western Hotel Fino Osaka Shinsaibashi (40,450 yen for 3 nights) 8/10
Functional hotel relatively close to Shinsaibashi shopping street and Dotombori. 1 min walk away from Osaka metro station and 7 Eleven. There's also a 24 hour laundromat 5 mins walk away. Facilities are bare minimal but gets the job done as we only needed the place to crash and freshen up since there's a lot of shopping and remaining sightseeing to be done. All reception staff spoke English well and check in/ out was rather smooth. I would consider staying again if the rooms were larger but can't complain at this price point and location.
List of eateries we consider returning

• Yasaiya Mei
• Ejuan
• Kijurou
• Ozuru
• Upit's Burger
• Ramen Chabuton
• Okonomiyaki Yoshino
• Mizuya Chaya
• Yoshinoya & Hanamaru

Highlight of each day for the kids

1. Wandering around Life supermarket and exploring a new accommodation
2. Running around 300m above ground at the Abeno Harukas sky garden while having fruits/ snacks in between
3. Visiting Kimono Forest after dinner, watching the randen pass by at the crossing
4. Running around at Arashiyama park and watching the majestic Katsura river flowing rapidly
5. The outdoor playground at Kyoto railway museum among many other fun things there
6. The playground at Wagener Square across Heian Jingu
7. Interacting with deer and eating udon outdoors
8. Seeing different sea animals up close and ferris wheel ride after
9. Making friends at BorneLund and having imaginary play together despite the language barrier

Lessons learned (not in chronological order)

General tips

• We prepared about 160,000 yen cash before arriving at Japan but also have money via 1 x transfer wise debit card (digital), 1 x Westpac credit card (digital), 1 x ING debit card (physical). We ended up withdrawing a further 200,000 yen worth of cash. We opted not to bring any AUD as the rate is quite poor in Japan since most would prefer foreign exchangers would prefer USD.
• We didn't get to use our digital cards as most places in Kansai (Kanto might be different) that offer card payments still requires a physical card to read the chip.
• Please remember to bring the physical card of the credit card used for any online booking to avoid the stress I endured on day 3.
• We booked all the transit tickets online about a month prior and find it worthwhile rather than spending 15 - 30 mins in queue at the ticket counters. The limited express tickets go crazy fast and I recommend booking them the hour they become available (1 month prior your transit date and as soon as it is open in Japan time).
• We booked all 4 accommodations via booking.com and find the messenger via the app very handy in liaising with the owne receptionist on whether we can offload our luggage earlier or forward our luggage a few days in advance. One of them even told me that I can check in few hours earlier as the room was ready. Regardless of what platform you use, try to communicate with the accommodation prior your arrival if you are considering forwarding luggage or dropping them off before your official check in time.
• Booking multiple accommodations over a short span of time is very tiring as we are needing to worry about getting our luggage from A to B every second day but only able to check in the next place 5 - 6 hours after checking out the previous place (Most checkin starts from 3pm and checkout from 10am). Our transition days are always stressful as we don't get to do much due to the timing while handling multiple baggage so the kids are crankier.
• Rubbish/ garbage cans are mainly found on major train stations or shopping malls as well as konbinis. Most vending machines only have a recycle bin but we have plenty of disposable nappy bags which we use as rubbish bags if needed.
• We had 3 data Sims about 5GB each which was sufficient for the 9 days (navigation, Google translate, WhatsApp voice call). Free wifi is available at most places which we use whenever we need to photo dump on WhatsApp group chats or play YouTube for the kids.
• My eSim stopped working when we arrived at Kyoto from Osaka but luckily I tried rebooting my phone and it connected to the local network after. Another down side of data only Sim is there is no Japanese mobile number which can be handy (make reservations at restaurants or signing up for taxi apps to get taxi).
• We use Google Maps and Japan Travel by NAVITIME App to plan our overall route each day, public transit details is quite clear via Google Maps with several options for different J metro/ bus lines. While Japan Travel App is able to approximate cost of taxi which was useful for comparison.
• For translation, we used DeepL app when we wanted to converse with someone in Japanese and Google Translate for written Japanese translation via the camera.
• In Osaka, getting around via JR and Metro is optimal in terms of time and cost; In Kyoto, buses are more readily available but be prepared to stand shoulder to shoulder as the buses are not big and averages around 30 - 50 people. We recommend a taxi if travelling a short distance (<10 minutes) for a family that can fit into a single car.
• You can forward luggage at your hotel or local 7 eleven via Yamato transport within Osaka.
• The Jikan refreshing legs patch worked well for me but my wife got woken up few times as her feet felt cold due to the cooling effect. We got some heat patches the next day and it worked better for her.
• A few Japanese phrases go along way and perhaps it's why we mostly get friendly responses (arigato gozaimas, ohaiyo, konnichiwa, kore onegaishimas, doitashi mashite, hitotsu onegaishimas, daijorbudes, kodomo).
• The basement level of most department stores/ shopping malls sells a variety of package deserts and often a bakery opened till 8pm where we sometimes go to after dinner to get brekky for the next morning.
• Some malls have an express lift (stops only at 1F and 10F) and it may be quicker to use those in combination with escalators to get to the level you like quickly.
• Coin lockers are found is almost every major attraction and JR station but finding a large one that is available can be challenging so allow extra time. Most coin lockers only take 100 yen coins with the exception of newer ones which also takes IC cards as payment.
• Some food courts have drinkable water for you to refill your bottles but otherwise vending machines and konbinis will quench your hydration needs (the peach drink is pretty addictive).
• Other than Booking.com, Google maps, Google Translate, DeepL and Japan Travel by NAVITIME, we didn't really used the other apps we downloaded before hand but you might find a use for them: Mamamap, NERV, Ecbo cloak, Klook.

Child related tips

• Younger kids take awhile to acclimatize to a foreign environment and our kids were more lethargic than they normally are during the day, sometimes needing 2 naps instead of 1 so be prepared to adjust your plans and skip over some places that were catered specifically for them if needed.
• Google maps only tells you the distance to get you from Point A to Point B horizontally. Unfortunately it doesn't consider the routes involving travelling multiple floors to avoid heavy traffic even with wheelchair access enabled. For instance you can go across Tenshiba Garden from JR Tennoji via the overhead bridge (not ideal as the route is longer with a stroller) or underground (best with a stroller but unfortunately Google Maps doesn't show this route and we stumble across it by chance).
• Google maps navigation over multiple floors is also not very accurate but the local directory maps are very informative so take extra time to study it and find the nearest access (parents room, lift or exit to above ground/ underground).
• The lift (singular as most train station platforms only share one lift unless it's a major one like Osaka/ Kyoto etc), are often located at one end of the platform so allow additional 15 - 20 minutes when travelling with strollers or luggage.
• Most department stores/ shopping malls (Daimaru etc) have a floor suitable for kids with toy samples for playing and sometimes even a free play area (Bornelund).
• Our kids love the Butaman from Horai and we probably purchased from 5 different stores throughout the trip (they are located at almost every major station and department store). Find something that works for your kids that can be found readily (7-11, family mart, Lawson's, daily Yamazaki etc) as back up when they didn't want to eat where you were dining at or if they fell asleep and skipped a meal.
• 100 yen stores (Daiso, 3 coins, Seria, Can*Do, Watts) have plenty of cheap kid activities (e.g. sticker books, puzzles, bubble wand etc) that can entertain them throughout the day/ in restaurants/ in the showe in the accommodation before bed etc.
• Paid Attractions in Kansai that are worthwhile if your kids are under 5 (6 and above may be charged separately): Tennoji Zoo, Abeno Harukas 300, Kyoto Railway Museum, Osaka Kaiyukan, Tempozan Ferris Wheel.
• Other brekky alternatives that we liked apart from konbinis/ bakeries were MOS burgers and Doutor coffee. Gyudons (sukiya, matsuya, yoshinoya) morning menu was a bit too heavy for our kids and other options we would have tried were too far from where we stayed (Tully's, McDonalds, KoHiKan).
• Some places require you order a main meal per adult but we are small eaters so we make sure what we ordered was something our kids might eat (not spicy etc).
• Tabelog is useful to tell you the size of the restaurant and we avoided anywhere that seats less than 20 people to save time.
• We tried to eat at a restaurant for lunch and dinner the first few days but actually realize the kids enjoy munching on small eats from konbinis/ street vendors more than a casual sit down meal so we were a bit more spontaneous the second half of the trip.
• Watch out for deer poo at Nara especially when pushing your stroller! Most of the deer are quite friendly and let you pet them but don't touch their tail area as they can get defensive. If your kids are feeding away the crackers too quickly, break them in half so you have more 'ammunition'.
• Metro and JR Trains (including limited express ones) stop for less than 10 seconds. Please remember to unlock your stroller when you are approaching your next stop and prepare to jump out.

Here are all (*) of the new US and Canadian CCS (Level 3 fast-charging) stations that rolled out in April 2024, according to the Department of Energy. You can get the data yourself here.
These chargers are suitable for most new EVs on the market, except for:

1. Tesla drivers who haven't bought the official CCS adapter yet. Certain older Teslas need additional work done to accept the adapter.
2. Leaf owners like me, owners of the Mitsubishi Outlander PHEV, and some owners of older cars that also use CHAdeMO. If you drive such a car, see my matching post in leaf.

Some of these chargepoints will be "refreshes," e.g. the provider replaced them with faster chargers etc. Some may be incorrect. This report is only as good as the Alternative Fuels Data Center data.
There were 330 CCS charging stations with a total of 682 chargepoints added or refreshed in April 2024, which is a major uptick in both stations and chargepoints. There were only 166 new CCS charging stations in April 2023, with only 267 chargepoints. Things are trending dramatically upwards.
Some part of this is due to Tesla Magic Dock stations. Previously Tesla didn't report these to the AFDC as CCS, but now they do. And that makes sense because all CCS drivers can use them.
NOTE: most Tesla Superchargers do NOT have magic dock as of this writing (all those shown in this report should have it). I recommend using PlugShare to locate compatible stations for your vehicle.
(*) "What about other Tesla Superchargers? Can't everybody charge with NACS now?"
It's coming for many makes and models, and for newer Ford models as well as a few other manufacturers charging at v3 and v4 Superchargers is already an option with a free adapter from the automakers. GM should release their adapter in the coming weeks. But since they are not open to all CCS vehicles, this report is not the place for them. Tesla's app provides the best guide to their locations, including locations that work with non-Tesla vehicles.
Other Notes
To streamline this post, multi-chargepoint locations are listed with the number of chargepoints first.
For serious trip planning, I recommend PlugShare. But by all means check out these reported new locations and submit reviews on PlugShare, which makes things better for everyone.
If you'd like to know about new chargers along your routes right away, or just prefer not to check this list monthly when new openings are rare in your area, I've set up a free service that provides email notifications as soon as they open. You can sign up at evpov.com. Or not! I don't really have a business plan here, I built it to help EV owners like myself. PlugShare has a similar feature.

➡ AB (1) MD SMOKY RIVER DCFC STATION 1 701 Main St SW Falher, AB T0H 1M0 ➡ AR (3) Evt 1425 ohlendorf rd Osceola, AR 72370 ➡ AZ (1) HYUNDAI PEORIA PUBLIC LEVEL 3 8425 W Bell Rd Peoria, AZ 85382 (1) Coulter Cadillac Tempe 7780 SOUTH AUTOPLEX LOOP BUILDING 200 TEMPE, AZ 85284 ➡ BC (4) 7Charge - Abbotsford 1915 McCallum Rd Abbotsford, BC V2S 3N1 (1) Honda Burnaby - DC 5723 Marine Way Burnaby, BC V5J 0A6 (1) Bill Howich Chrysler - Smart DC 2777 North Island Highway Campbell River, BC V9W 2H4 (1) Honda Surrey - Smart DC 15291 Fraser Highway Surrey, BC V3R 3P3 (1) QUADREAL CA STALL 128 658 Homer St Vancouver, BC V6B 2R4 (3) QUADREAL CA STALL 110 658 Homer Street Vancouver, BC V6B 2R4 ➡ CA (2) WC ACURA CPE250-2 8375 E La Palma Ave Anaheim, CA 92807 (2) Tony's Pizza 10701 CA-178 Bakersfield, CA 93306 (1) Banning Farm's House Restaurant 6261 Joshua, E Palmer Dr Banning, CA 92220 (2) Solar Express 2434 San Pablo ave Berkeley, CA 94707 (3) LOVES CA BORON DCFC 1 27201 Boron Frontage Rd N Boron, CA 93516 (2) Flitway - Gordon Ranch Marketplace 2545 Chino Hills Pkwy Chino Hills, CA 91709 (6) 99 Ranch Chino Hills 2959 Chino Ave Chino Hills, CA 91709 (4) Flitway - East Lake Village Center 2220 Otay Lakes Rd Chula Vista, CA 91915 (6) Lowe's of Concord 1935 Arnold Industrial Way Concord, CA 94520 (2) Hilton Concord 1970 Diamond Blvd Concord, CA 94520 (4) Flitway - Inter-Community Hospital 212 W San Bernardino Rd Covina, CA 91723 (1) CULVER HONDA CPE250 BL 9055 Washington Blvd Culver City, CA 90232 (2) Delhi Unified School District 16491 Schendel Avenue Delhi, CA 95315 (2) DOWNEYHYUNDAI CPE250 2 7550 Firestone Boulevard Downey, CA 90241 (4) Chevron Elk Grove Gas Station 9299 Bond Road Elk Grove, CA 95624 (8) 46365 West Panoche Road (US-NF8-DC8-4B) 46365 West Panoche Road Firebaugh, CA 93622 (2) Sierra Plaza 815 Kern St Fresno, CA 93706 (8) Fresno Metro Black Chamber of Commerce - 1600 Fulton 1600 Fulton Street Fresno, CA 93721 (8) Wyndham Garden Fresno Airport 5090 East Clinton Way Fresno, CA 93727 (2) Ridgemark Gold Club & Resort 3800 Airline Hwy Hollister, CA 95023 (4) Flitway - Trabuco Community Center 5701 Trabuco Rd Irvine, CA 92620 (3) Rolls-Royce Motorcars San Diego 7440 La Jolla Blvd La Jolla, CA 92037 (4) The Elysian 1115 Sunset Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90012 (1) DRIVE 1 SATILLITE STORE 11074 Sepulveda Boulevard Los Angeles, CA 91345 (8) Motel 6 North Hills 15711 Roscoe Blvd North Hills, CA 91343 (1) Chawanakee Unified School District 26065 Outback Industrial Way O'Neals, CA 93645 (1) Pacoima Van Nuys Blvd 13520 Van Nuys Blvd Pacoima, CA 91331 (2) Palmdale City Hall 38250 Sierra Hwy. Palmdale, CA 90245 (4) Foodsco Northgate #355 3625 Northgate Blvd Sacramento, CA 95834 (4) LOVES CA CA SALINAS DC 4 1264 De la Torre St Salinas, CA 93905 (3) Sunny Plaza 529 E Valley Blvd San Gabriel, CA 91776 (6) Seven Trees Shopping Center 4060 Monterey Hwy San Jose, CA 95111 (6) Almaden Plaza 4950 Almaden Expy San Jose, CA 95118 (1) FREEWAY HONDA DC FAST 01 1505 Auto Mall Dr Santa Ana, CA 92705 (2) SJCHA Sierra Vista Phase 1 1520 Eleventh Street Stockton, CA 95206 (2) SJCHA Sierra Vista Phase 2 2439 Volney Street Stockton, CA 95206 (2) HACSJ Tracy Homes 340 W 4th St Tracy, CA 95376 (2) Sheraton Universal Hotel DC 333 Universal Hollywood Dr Universal City, CA 91608 (2) Brian Allen 128 E Chestnut Ct Visalia, CA 93277 (4) City of Los Angeles Lot 696 835 N Avalon Blvd Wilmington, CA 90744 ➡ CO (1) SCVHISTSOC PIONEER TOWN 1 388 S Grand Mesa Dr Cedaredge, CO 81413 (2) San Isabel DCFC 8900 Interstate 25 Rye, CO 81069 ➡ CT (2) 365 E MAIN ST CPE250 2 365 East Main Street Branford, CT 06405 (1) GURUKRUPA GI LLC EV-1 85a Hemingway Ave East Haven, CT 06512 (2) New Country Motor Cars Group = Porsche Greenwich 241 West Putnam Ave Greenwich, CT 06830 (2) Pomfret Town Hall - SmartDC 5 Haven Rd Pomfret Center, CT 06259 ➡ FL (4) Carrabelle Fire Department 105 Tallahassee St Carrabelle, FL 32322 (1) Ed Morse Cadillac Delray Beach 2300 S.FEDERAL HIGHWAY DELRAY BEACH, FL 33483 (4) Flying J 624 29933 State Road 52 Dade City, FL 33576 (4) Chipotle Beach and University 5801 Beach Blvd Jacksonville, FL 32207 (2) Miller Electric - Electric Vehicle Innovation Design Center (EVIDC) 6811 Southpoint Pkwy Jacksonville, FL 32216 (2) Tom Bush BMW Jacksonville 9875 Atlantic Blvd Jacksonville, FL 32225 (2) Tom Bush BMW Orange Park 6914 Blanding Blvd Jacksonville, FL 32244 (1) Ford Midway Mall 8155 West Flagler Street Miami, FL 33144 (4) Palmetto 57 Volkswagen 16825 NW 57 Av Miami Gardens, FL 33055 (2) Orange County Health Department 12050 E Colonial Dr Orlando, FL 32826 (1) Evermore Orlando Resort 1570 Evermore Way Orlando, FL 32836 (2) Evermore - EVA 3 2420 North Beach Lane/Flats Orlando, FL 32836 (1) Rolls-Royce Motor Cars Tampa Bay 3255 Gandy Blvd N Pinellas Park, FL 33781 (2) BMW SARASOTA FAST CHARGE 2 5151 Clark rd Sarasota, FL 34233 (2) C-HYUNDAI CPE1 3810 W Hillsborough Ave Tampa, FL 33614 (2) BRANDON FORD LVL 3 #2 (CP) 9090 East Adamo Drive Tampa, FL 33619 (4) Hammock Landing 4311 Norfolk Pkwy West Melbourne, FL 32904 (12) Audi West Palm Beach 2101 Okeechobee Blvd West Palm Beach, FL 33409 ➡ GA (2) GEORGIA POWER AMERICUS DC1 202b U.S. Hwy 19 Americus, GA 31719 (2) GEORGIA POWER SHALLOWFORD EXP 4404 North Shallowford Road Atlanta, GA 30338 (9) ABM Electrification Center 2715 Ronald Reagan Blvd Cumming, GA 30041 (2) GENESIS CUMMING STE1 750 Peachtree Parkway Cumming, GA 30041 (2) GEORGIA POWER DONALSON DC2 209 Cherry St Donalsonville, GA 39845 (2) GEORGIA POWER GEORGE DC1 1 Main St Georgetown, GA 39854 (2) GEORGIA POWER RICHLAND DC 2 26 Stewart St Richland, GA 31825 (1) Walker-Jones 2700 MEMORIAL DRIVE WAYCROSS, GA 31503 ➡ HI (2) Kapolei Commons provided by Hawaiian Electric Company 4470 Kapolei Parkway Kapolei, HI 96707 ➡ IA (2) Indian Creek Nature Center 5300 Otis Rd SE Cedar Rapids, IA 52403 (3) JUNGE FORD - DCFC 525 Madison Avenue North Liberty, IA 52317 (2) Storm Lake 1250 N Lake Ave Ste 2 Storm Lake, IA 50588 ➡ ID (1) BRONCO HYUNDAI FV L3 #2 9250 Fairview Ave Boise, ID 83704 (1) BRONCO HYUNDAI FV L3 #1 9250 Fairview Avenue Boise, ID 83704 (2) HOMETOWN CHEVROLET BUICK GMC 1011 NW 16TH ST Fruiland, ID 83619 (2) ROGERS CDJR L3A ROGERS DODGE PL 1824 Main Street Lewiston, ID 83501 ➡ IL (2) Jo-Carroll Energy - Elizabeth 311 East Myrtle Street Elizabeth, IL 61028 (1) Harvard Ford-DCFC 5250 South Route 14 Harvard, IL 60033 (1) Community Honda of Orland Park 8340 West 159th Street Orland Park, IL 60462 ➡ IN (2) ANDY MOHR HYUND SERVICE 1441 Liberty Dr Bloomington, IN 47403 (1) Max Platt Ford-DCFC 1002 West North Street Kendallville, IN 46755 (4) Madison 590 Ivy Tech Dr Madison, IN 47250 (1) STOOPSEV 480V EV CHARGER 4055 W Clara Ln Muncie, IN 47304 (1) TEAM CHEVROLET, INC 1856 W US HWY 30 VALPARAISO, IN 46385 ➡ KS (1) EVERGY @PRSONCITY-437A 1600 Main St Parsons, KS 67357 (6) 2774 N Greenwich Ct (US-M5P-NN9-3B) 2774 N Greenwich Ct Wichita, KS 67226 ➡ KY (2) BUCEES RICHMOND RICHMOND 9-10 1013 Buc-ee's Blvd Richmond, KY 40475 (2) BUCEES RICHMOND RICHMOND 7-8 1013 Bucees Blvd Richmond, KY 40475 (4) Flying J 663 1670 Waddy Road Waddy, KY 40076 ➡ LA (1) GM - Ross Downing Cadillac 1301 S Morrison Blvd. Hammond, LA 70403 ➡ MA (4) PCCJEEP PL-3-R 556 Yarmouth Rd Barnstable, MA 02601 (1) 400 SUMMER ST 400 SUMMEP1-1 4 W Service Rd Boston, MA 02210 (6) 400 SUMMER ST 400 SUMMERP2-3 400 Summer St Boston, MA 02210 (1) 400 SUMMER ST 400 SUMMEP2-2 410 Summer St Boston, MA 02210 (3) Autel - Charlton Service Plaza Eastbound 80 Massachusetts Turnpike Charlton, MA 01507 (2) CAPE_ASSOCIATES MONOMOY 782 Main Street Chatham, MA 02633 (1) ALDEN BUICK GMC ALDEN LV3 #1 6 Whalers Way Fairhaven, MA 02719 (12) Comfort Inn - Tesla Supercharger 4 Fisher St Foxborough, MA 02035 (4) Autel - Framingham Rest Stop Westbound 114 Massachusetts Tpke Framingham, MA 01701 (2) Autel - Lee Service Plaza Westbound Massachusetts Tpke Lee, MA 01238 (2) Autel - Lee Service Plaza Eastbound Massachusetts Turnpike Lee, MA 01238 (12) Lynnfield Marketplace - Tesla Supercharger 28 Broadway Lynnfield, MA 01940 (2) Autel - Natick Service Plaza Eastbound 117 Massachusetts Turnpike Natick, MA 01760 (6) FORDOFNORTHMPTN PL-3-R 968 Bridge Road Northampton, MA 01060 (1) WFSU SCIENCE STATION 577 Western Avenue Westfield, MA 01085 (2) Quik Charge Charging Station 850 Washington St Weymouth, MA 02189 ➡ MB (4) BIRCHWOOD FORD DC-2 1300 Regent Ave W Winnipeg, MB R2C 3A8 ➡ MD (1) BGE - CCBC Essex 7201 Rossville Blvd Baltimore, MD 21237 (1) Skipjack Art Studios 329 Cannon Street Chestertown, MD 21620 ➡ ME (8) Rockland Plaza Shopping Center - Tesla Supercharger 75 Maverick St Rockland, ME 04841 ➡ MI (3) Brighton Ford - DCFC 8240 West Grand River Avenue Brighton, MI 48114 (3) Moran Chevrolet Clinton Township 35500 South Gratiot Ave Clinton Township, MI 48035 (4) Tanger Outlets - Howell, MI North End 2 DCFC 1475 North Burkhart Road Howell, MI 48855 ➡ MN (2) Cannon Falls 650 Main Street West Cannon Falls, MN 55009 (2) Chisholm 201 West Lake Street Chisholm, MN 55719 (2) City Of Crosby Library 101 1st Street Southeast Crosby, MN 56441 (2) WASC 425 Winnebago Avenue Fairmont, MN 56031 (2) City of Faribault 17 3rd Street Northeast Faribault, MN 55021 (2) Service Foods 321 West Lincoln Avenue Fergus Falls, MN 56537 (2) City of Fosston 220 1st Street East Fosston, MN 56542 (2) Burger King 2200 10th Street East Glencoe, MN 55336 (2) Grand Marais Public Utilities City Hall Parking Lot - South Side 15 Broadway Grand Marais, MN 55604 (2) City Of Little Falls NaN null Dewey Parkway Little Falls, MN 56345 (2) Mankato Area Foundation 115 South 2nd Street Mankato, MN 56001 (2) Schmelz Countryside Volkswagen 1180 Minnesota 36 Maplewood, MN 55109 (2) 36Lyn Refuel Station 3551 Lyndale Avenue South Minneapolis, MN 55408 (4) Nelson Auto World 1625 Como Avenue Southeast Minneapolis, MN 55414 (2) Noodles & Company 922 Holiday Drive Moorhead, MN 56560 (2) Motley Motel 165 Riverfront Lane Motley, MN 56466 (2) City of New Ulm 541 2nd Street North New Ulm, MN 56073 (2) City Of Owatonna 215 Walnut Avenue South Owatonna, MN 55060 (1) Superior Ford-Plymouth-Series 9700 56th Ave N Plymouth, MN 55442 (2) Fresh Thyme Farmer's Market 1615 1st Street Southwest Rochester, MN 55901 (2) City Of Saint Peter 114 West Nassau Street Saint Peter, MN 56082 (2) Saint Peter Food Cooperative 228 West Mulberry Street Saint Peter, MN 56082 (2) City Of Springfield 601 East Rock Street Springfield, MN 56087 (2) City Of Saint Cloud 501 1st Street North St. Cloud, MN 56303 (2) Doc's Sports Bar and Grill 88801 Warbler Lane Sturgeon Lake, MN 55783 (2) Northern Lights Casino - Walker 6800 Y Frontage Road Northwest Walker, MN 56484 (2) Waseca Utilities NaN null 19th Avenue Northwest Waseca, MN 56093 (2) White Bear Lake Superstore 3880 U.S. 61 White Bear Lake, MN 55110 (2) WSU - Integrated Wellness Complex 118 West Mark Street Winona, MN 55987 ➡ MO (1) Pinegar Chevrolet Buick GMC 163 Adair Road Branson, MO 65616 (3) Lou Fusz Ford - DCFC 2 Caprice Drive Chesterfield, MO 63005 (2) AMI AM CHEVY - DC 1901 W Business U.S. 60 Dexter, MO 63841 (4) 14897 MO-38 14897 MO-38 Marshfield, MO 65706 (2) LIBERTY EMPIRE NEOSHOSVCCTR FW 1501 Industrial Dr Neosho, MO 64850 (1) Bommarito Cadillac 4190 N SERVICE RD ST PETERS, MO 63376 ➡ MS (2) NECDC STATION 2 (R) 101 Dempsey Rd. Byhalia, MS 38611 (2) CLW 5TH ST 1 (L) 301 5th Street South Columbus, MS 39701 (2) Turan Foley Chevrolet Cadillac Buick 11123 HWY 49N GULFPORT, MS 39503 ➡ MT (2) Corwin Motors Of Kalispell 2565 Hwy 93 North Kalispell, MT 59901 ➡ NB (2) St. Hubert Express 890 Saint Anne St Bathurst, NB E2A 6X2 (3) Irving 1735 Hanwell Rd Hanwell, NB E3C 2B8 (2) Tesla - 13995 - Miramichi 2485 King George Hwy Miramichi, NB E1V 6W7 (3) Gateway Plaza 2 Gateway Dr Oromocto, NB E2V 4S3 (2) Visitor Info Centre 34 Mallard Dr Sackville, NB E4L 4C3 ➡ NC (2) City of Asheboro Library 201 Worth St Ashboro, NC 27203 (5) Parkside Town Commons 7129 O’Kelly Chapel Road Cary, NC 27519 (2) Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians 946 Tsalagi Rd. Cherokee, NC 28719 (1) Town of Franklin 95 E Main 95 E Main St. Franklin, NC 28734 (2) DEP Pierce and Co 4229 Sam Potts Hwy Hallsboro, NC 28442 (2) Richmond Community College 1042 W Hamlet Ave Hamlet, NC 28345 (2) City of Hickory-DCFC 306 MAIN AV NW Hickory, NC 28601 (4) Sun Valley 6461 Old Monroe Rd Indian Trail, NC 28079 (5) Pilot Travel Center 683 1800 Princeton-Kenly Road Kenly, NC 27542 (2) dba Piggly Wiggly 61 2715 Hwy 11/55 Kinston, NC 28504 (2) City of Lowell 519 Park Cir Lowell, NC 28098 (2) Catawba Vale Collaborative LLC 96 Commerce St. Old Fort, NC 28762 (2) Triangle Stop - Saluda 1484 Ozone Dr Saluda, NC 28773 (2) City of Sanford - 101 East Humber st 101 E Humber St. Sanford, NC 27330 (1) Haywood CC West Waynesville An 23 Hendrix St Waynesville, NC 28786 (4) 402 S Bridge St 402 S Bridge St Wilkesboro, NC 28697 (2) Blacks Tire Service 1407 Castle Hayne Rd A Wilmington, NC 28401 (2) Capital Ford Wilmington 4222 Oleander Drive Wilmington, NC 28403 (2) Quality Oil Company 1980 Pecan Ln Winston Salem, NC 27284 (2) GM - Modern Chevrolet 5955 University Parkway Winston-Salem, NC 27105 (2) City of Clinton 110 Loop St clinton, NC 28328 (2) Quality Mart 62 - 1736 NC 67 1736 NC 67 jonesville, NC 28642 ➡ ND (2) Simonson Station Store Minot 1310 South Broadway Minot, ND 58701 ➡ NH (1) Grappone Hyundai 514 Route 3A Bow, NH 03304 (6) 10 Benning St (US-M4C-8KT-2C) 10 Benning St West Lebanon, NH 03784 ➡ NJ (2) LIBERTY TOYOTA STATION 2 4397 U.S. 130 Burlington, NJ 08016 (1) NIELSEN CHEVROLET 1 Route 46 W Dover, NJ 07801 (2) Open Road Acura of East Brunswick 1041 Rt 18 East Brunswick, NJ 08816 (2) BOARDWALK HONDA CPE250 1 6807 Tilton Rd Egg Harbor Township, NJ 08234 (1) BMER, LLC dba Flemington BMW 216 Rt 202 & 31 N Flemington, NJ 08822 (1) Manahawkin CDJR 188 New jersey 72 Manahawkin, NJ 08050 (1) Park Ave Acura Service 247 West Passaic St Maywood, NJ 07435 (1) Rolls-Royce Motor Cars Philadelphia 100 Route 73 Palmyra, NJ 08065 (2) WALDWICK PUBLIC DCFC #2 15 E Prospect St Waldwick, NJ 07463 (2) Open Road Acura of Wayne 1425 Route 23 South Wayne, NJ 07470 (2) Open Road Acura of Wayne 1425 rt 23 s Wayne, NJ 07470 (1) QUICKCHEK CP- QC186-2 3483 U.S. 22 Whitehouse Station, NJ 08889 (1) QUICKCHEK CP-QC186-1 3483 U.S. 22 Whitehouse station, NJ 08889 ➡ NM (1) COLUMBUS EV PARK 1 216 Broadway Deming, NM 88030 (2) AVANYU AVANYU LEFT 618 N Riverside Dr Española, NM 87532 ➡ NY (1) Shults Hyundai 181 E. Fairmount Avenue Lakewood, NY 14750 (1) ABM Tradeshow Units One Liberty Plaza, 7th Floor New York, NY 10006 (1) NYC FLEET DPRWFMARNA_1_L3 1 Marina Road Queens, NY 11369 (4) KENNETH DR Q KENNETH DR 1 375 Kenneth Drive Rochester, NY 14623 (1) Paragon Acura 56-02 Northern Blvd Woodside, NY 11377 (4) NEW test by jimmy 23 E 91st Street ny, NY 10128 ➡ OH (2) KERRY FORD, INC FORD ISLAND #3 155 West Kemper Road Cincinnati, OH 45246 (2) KINGS FORD, INC FORD L3 PUBLIC1 9555 Kings Automall Drive Cincinnati, OH 45249 (3) Byers Ford DCFC's 1101 Columbus Pike Delaware, OH 43015 (3) Elyria OH 905 LORAIN BLVD ELYRIA, OH 44035 (2) Bob Boyd Ford DCFCs 2840 North Columbus Street Lancaster, OH 43130 (3) Coughlin Ford Pataskala DCFC's 9800 Worthington Road Pataskala, OH 43062 (1) Wooster Chrysler Jeep Dodge Ram 2626 Cleveland Road Wooster, OH 44691 ➡ ON (2) Crowe’s Car Wash 8461 County Road 45 Alderville, ON K0K 2X0 (1) CenterLine Corporate - DC 415 Morton Drive LaSalle, ON N9J 3T8 (1) OXFORD DODGE DODGE L3 S1 1249 Hyde Park Road London, ON N6H 5K6 (1) IDEAL HONDA FAST CHARGER 1700 Toyo Cir Mississauga, ON L4W 0E7 (1) Myers Barrhaven Subaru - Fast Charger 4151 Strandherd Drive Ottawa, ON 45.2653 (1) Hal Wright Chevrolet Cadillac GMC Buick 202423 Hwy 6&21 Owen Sound, ON N4K 5N7 (4) IKEA EV FLEET 2 1475 The Queensway Toronto, ON M8Z 1T3 (1) Winash Limited Partnership - SmartDC 5550 Baldwin Street South Whitby, ON L1M 0M5 ➡ OR (3) WCEH Banks 660 Main Street Banks, OR 97106 (1) WCEH Detroit 220 D St Detroit, OR 97342 (1) WCEH McMinnville 499 NE Davis St McMinnville, OR 97128 (6) ARCO - Market Street NE, Salem 2979 Market St NE Salem, OR 97301 (4) WCEH Woodburn 2900 Tom Tennant Dr Woodburn, OR 97071 ➡ PA (2) 93 AdvancedPower 93 Sharon Road Greenville, PA 16125 (2) BENNETT HYUNDAI SALES 2101 Cumberland St Lebanon, PA 17042 (1) Sylvester Chevrolet Inc 1609 Main St Peckville, PA 18452 (1) Faulkner Cadillac 4447 E STREET RD TREVOSE, PA 19053 ➡ QC (4) BRCC - Boucherville - Parc Pierre-Laporte 510, Chemin du Lac Boucherville, QC J4B 6X6 (4) Canadian Tire - Jonquière 2290 Blvd René Lévesque Jonquière, QC G7S 5Y5 (1) DION CHEV EV CPE250C-625-CCS 2200 Rue Sherbrooke Magog, QC J1X 4Z6 (2) BRCC - Mont-Saint-Michel - Parc du village 95 rue Gravel Mont-Saint-Michel, QC J0W 1P0 (1) RECHARGECO ST-LEONARD 01 7150 Boul Langelier Montréal, QC H1S 2X6 (8) HARDY RINGUETTE #1 1842 3e Avenue Val-d'Or, QC J9P 7A9 ➡ SC (2) Beach Buick GMC 922 Frontage Rd E Myrtle Beach, SC 29577 (2) GPM Southeast, LLC/Scotchman 3894 2454 Mounty Holly Rd Rock Hill, SC 29730 ➡ SD (2) Northwestern 117 Mitchell Boulevard Mitchell, SD 57301 ➡ TN (2) MB COLLIERVILLE MBC EXPP PL 4651 South Houston Levee Road Collierville, TN 38017 (2) Rusty Wallace Ford 134 Sharon Drive Dandridge, TN 37725 (2) SPRFLD ELECTRIC STATION 1 (L) 401 N Main St. Springfield, TN 37172 (2) MLEC STATION 2 (R) W 210 West Main St Waverly, TN 37185 ➡ TX (1) AZTEC EV AZTEC CHEVROLET 772 U.S. 181 Beeville, TX 78102 (1) Rolls Royce Dallas Service 2425 W Northwest Hwy Dallas, TX 75220 (1) Bert Ogden Cadillac Edinburg 4801 S I-69C Edinburg, TX 78539 (4) Enel X - ZIP IN ZIP OUT Truck Stop 1414 Palacios St El Campo, TX 77437 (1) ABM test site 1 for Yoka N Glenbrook Dr Garland, TX 75040 (2) Grubbs Volvo Cars Central Houston 7620 Washington Ave Houston, TX 77007 (2) AM Premier Test Site 11311 N Gessner Dr Houston, TX 77064 (1) GROUP1AUTO CPE250 2 10155 Southwest Fwy Houston, TX 77074 (1) GROUP1AUTO CPE250 ALONE-3 10455 Southwest Fwy Houston, TX 77074 (24) Gigahub - Katy Fwy, Westlake 14401 Katy Fwy Houston, TX 77079 (2) WHOUSTON 250 GENESIS 2 16803 Katy Fwy Houston, TX 77094 (1) KV MAIN CAMPUS KV RETAIL DC 2 145 Avery Rd Kerrville, TX 78028 (1) HONDAOFCLEARLAK EXPP PUBLIC 1 2205 Gulf Fwy S League City, TX 77573 (2) MESSER HYUNDAI CPE250-PAIR2 4025 West Loop 289 Access Road Lubbock, TX 79407 (2) Gene Messer Chevrolet 1303 S Loop 289 Lubbock, TX 79412 (1) WORLD AUTO CHEVYPECOS 181 South Interstate 20 Frontage Road Pecos, TX 79772 (6) Target San Antonio #T0771 2810 Southwest Military Drive San Antonio, TX 78224 (2) RM FORD WEST MFW L3 SERVICE 7111 Northwest Loop 410 Serving Parking San Antonio, TX 78238 (2) RM FORD WEST MFW L3 AUX BLDG 7121 Northwest Loop 410 Auxilary Bldg San Antonio, TX 78238 (2) RM FORD RMF L3 EVB 8333 West Interstate 10 EV Building San Antonio, TX 78257 (2) RM FORD RMF L3 SHOWRM 8333 West Interstate 10 Showroom San Antonio, TX 78257 (1) Silsbee Ford - public 1211 U.S. 96 Silsbee, TX 77656 ➡ UT (1) DAVIS COUNTY UT DCG EAST 61 South Main Street Farmington, UT 84025 ➡ VA (4) Swift Creek 13501 Hull Street Rd Midlothian, VA 23112 (1) LYNX VENTURES STATION 14 DC 0 E 4th St Richmond, VA 23224 ➡ VT (4) Norwich EV - Bradford Charging Center 22 N Main St Bradford, VT 05033 (8) Manchester Center 4993 Main St Manchester, VT 05255 (2) Grace Cottage Hospital 185 Grafton Road Townsend, VT 05353 ➡ WA (2) Yoke's Fresh Market - Deer Park 810 S Main St Deer Park, WA 99006 (1) KIA OF EVERETT KIA OF EVERETT 229 Southwest Everett Mall Way Everett, WA 98204 (1) WCEH City of Pateros 203 Pateros Mall Pateros, WA 98846 (6) ARCO 7091 - 104th Drive NW, Stanwood 26930 104th Drive NW Stanwood, WA 98292 (4) Sumner Cannery Way 13608 Cannery Wy Sumner, WA 98390 (1) RAG - Honda of Sumner 16302 Auto Lane Sumner, WA 98390 ➡ WI (1) TOB CHARGEPOINT SHOWROOM LOT 20655 W Capitol Dr Brookfield, WI 53045 (2) Cadott River Country Plaza 641 Wisconsin 27 Cadott, WI 54727 (2) City of Eau Claire 122 East Madison Street Eau Claire, WI 54703 (2) 29 Pines 5872 33rd Avenue Eau Claire, WI 54703 (2) Hampton Inn And Suites 2610 Pearson Drive Hudson, WI 54016 (1) HEISER TOYOTA 1 CPE250 11301 W Metro Auto Mall Milwaukee, WI 53224 (2) Prime Bar Family Dining null N7294 Service Road Trego, WI 54888 

​

Story These Stories Will Tie Into
I really hope you know what your getting into, reading this. Never thought I’d be the kind who kept a journal but I’ve finally been convinced so here we are. Oh, and I just hope this ends up in your hands at some point Baelen, you’d be surprised how much you don’t know about me. and, if for some reason you’re reading this and you don’t know who that is just wait, we’ll get there eventually.
But where to begin? Introductions I suppose, some people have called me the devil and while I hardly deserve it I can see why. I’m not the devil if your wondering, I might’ve met him…her…it? Whatever I met I’d certainly call it the devil, dresses in red, absolutely sinister aura about them, and constantly looking to make a deal you just cant refuse. Seems to fit the bill if you ask me.
Enough about that though, I’m supposed to be writing about me. I may not be the devil but I am a vampire and an old one at that. People always balk at that word, vampire. If I had to guess I’d blame the movies and books that have been written about us over the years. I’ll admit theres some truth to them but they like to romanticize things. Take sunlight for example, sure its not pleasant but its not going to kill me any faster than it’s going to kill a ginger. But the sunlight does have adverse effects on the more supernatural things a vampire such as myself can do. I’d guess thats where the myth that sunlight will burn us started but its far from the truth.
The other side to romanticizing vampires is that these days some people want to be us. There was one book in particular I blame for that, I’m sure you can guess which one. I promise the process isn’t that pleasant though, most of the time a person would just end up a thrall to the bloodlust that will surely overtake them. Sometimes they just die outright or remain dormant for days, even weeks at a time before suddenly snapping. Sometimes the process works and they get over the initial bloodlust, then you end up with a true vampire such as myself but thats not exactly a common occurrence.
I shouldn’t go on about the ins and outs of vampirism though, it’s a journal not a book on our physiology. But what do people write in journals, a story perhaps? Well how about the story of how I ended up the way I am now, that should keep any of those Chimera zealots that stumble across this entertained. It all started around 1350 and yes, that would make me over 600 years old. Greatly extended lifespans are one of there perks of my condition.
The bubonic plague had torn through most of Europe giving honest and self proclaimed doctors alike a now essential place in the world. I was a young man in Paris at the time, working for one Doctor Henry Conrad delivering his “cures” to the people. While I can’t speak for the legitimacy of the treatments he offered they gave people some hope in a dark time at the very least. I also happened to have a rebellious streak so when that very same doctor ordered me to steal from yet another doctor, I jumped at the chance. It wasn’t the first time I’d done less than legal things for Conrad, I loved the thrill of it back then. This Doctor Archer I was to steal from had apparently developed his own bootlegged cure to the plague. Naturally, the good Doctor Conrad wanted it for himself and the duty of retrieving his notes and “cure” fell to me, Jacob.
I’ve never had any use of a last name, never knew my parents and grew up an urchin on the streets so I always simply went by Jacob. Now doctors held a very high place in society at the time and the field of medicine was finally really coming into its own. It wasn’t uncommon to have guards stationed at the homes of well known doctors, even more locally known ones like Archer. So I found it strange when I arrived at the address Conrad had given me and found it utterly bereft of any sort of guard. Even the house I’d arrived at seemed dilapidated and misused, as if no one had lived there in a very long time. In hindsight I don’t think anyone had “lived” there in a long time after all.
As I crept through the fallen beams that had once been a doorframe I thought back to the street I’d traveled down. Hadn’t it been just a little more lively when I’d walked the street before? The plague had taken its toll on the city so it wasn’t all posh shoppes (I do so loathe that word these days) like it has become in modern times. Still, there was usually more life to be seen on the street than a stray rodent picking through piles of trash and other unmentionables in search of an easy meal. I shook these thoughts from me head as I walked deeper into the corpse of a building. All around me were the creaks and groans of wood that could splinter and collapse at any moment but none of that concerned me. I was still at that age where I felt invincible, like nothing could ever possibly hurt me.
If nothing else I was reasonably certain the dilapidated house was a former residence of Doctor Archer. Medical equipment was scattered around the house and there were several books that contained hastily scribbled notes. These notes did contain worrying phrases such as, “The answer lies in the blood”, “The patients lie still but healthy”, and “My results are inconclusive, I shall test the improved mixture on myself for further study”. I truly did believe that Conrad had given me a less than recent address or perhaps received bad information altogether. That all changed when I heard banging coming from somewhere near my feet.
“Help Us! PLEASE! IT’S BOILING INSIDE”
Screamed several disjointed muffled voices as the banging grew louder. My heart climbed its way into my throat as I threw rubble and notes alike all over the floor in a frantic search for the source of the noise. Just as suddenly as it began it was cut off by a metallic clang and the sound of metal scraping on metal. The sudden silence was almost louder than the screams that had preceded it. I dropped to my knees, surprise quickly turning to gut wrenching fear. There came one final bang from the floor and this time I saw its source, a small trap door hidden under bits of the ruined doorframe. The door was bound shut with a latch but had a gap just wide enough to let me see a hand lash out, reaching for some means of escape. The hand was brutalized and was missing its thumb. The wound looked like it had been caused by something physically tearing the thumb from the rest of the hand. But just as quickly as it had appeared it was dragged back into the darkness of whatever lay past that trap door. This was enough to shatter the childish notion that nothing here could hurt me. Something had attacked the owner of that hand. Surely they’d do the same to me if I investigated any further. I turned and ran, ran all the way back to Conrad and informed him of the situation.
“Not possible, That address was given by one of the mans own patients. He couldn’t have moved that quickly and the building couldn’t have deteriorated that fast.”
Was his judgmental response.
“You must’ve gone to the wrong house, go back out and find me this cure he’s so convinced he’s found!”
“But I’m sure it was the house! I followed your directions to the letter!”
“Bah! I’ll go with you then! It’s becoming more and more evident to me you cant be trusted with the smallest task!”
Conrad yelled in reply, throwing his books to the ground and rushing to grab his mask to accompany me back to that miserable house.
While I had worked for Conrad for the better part of a year at that point I had no love for the man. He was harsh and didn’t truly care about me or his patients. The whole practice was simply a means to generate whatever profit he could, if people were helped as a result it was simply a coincidence. He often had outbursts like this and he constantly belittled me for each mistake I made. Most days I was convinced he only kept me around because it would take more effort than he was willing to spare to find a replacement. I had nothing better waiting for me anywhere in the world so I was forced to endure the abuse. I thought about simply walking out in the moment but ultimately I decided to accompany Conrad back to the address he’d been given.
The beak of Conrad’s mask cut a path through the rabble and rats as we made our way back out to the decrepit house. He was angry, I could tell from his stiff deliberate strides and judging by the expressions of the people we passed, so could they. But when we finally arrived back at the collapsed doorframe that was once an entrance to Doctor Archer’s home that anger turned to confusion.
“But this must be it?!”
Conrad raged as he tore around the house in disbelief. I’d never seen him so distraught over anything before. Though I imagine losing his chance to get his hands on some miracle cure for the plague had something to do with it. Unfortunately for us both Conrad stumbled on the trapdoor as he rampaged around the small space that was once a room. He fell to the ground with a heavy thud but clambered back to his feet right away. Before a word could pass my lips he was lifting the latch and opening that horrible trapdoor the banging had come from earlier.
“Well, what’re you waiting for?! Go down there and find his cure!”
“I don’t know what it looks like! Please sir, Please…”
But thats all I got out before Conrad shoved me through the hatch with not so much as a “good luck”. Whatever room I’d fallen into was dark, only lit by a dim lantern lying just in front of where I’d fallen. I picked up the lantern as I got back to my feet, steadying myself with the wall. When my hand made contact with the wall I felt something warm, wet, and mildly sticky. The coppery scent I got as I drew my hand to my nose confirmed what I’d feared, it was blood.
The trail of blood lead down the wall to the cold floor and continued down the hall as it faded into the darkness. I was terrified but I had no option other than to move forward following the dark red path stained into the stone floor. The blood trail smeared over the walls and ceiling, apparently whoever this trail belonged to had been flung all over the hallway. Soon enough I found the unfortunate owner of all this blood. The corpse was bloated around the neck and pus still seeped out of several sores near the armpits. All these were signs of the plague but I doubted thats what caused the man’s death. One hand was missing, torn off by the looks of it. The stump was a ruined mess of bone, tendons, and gristle. The man’s other hand was clutching a knife that was embedded in his neck. Multiple wounds on his throat suggested he’d been stabbed at least eight times.
I stepped over the corpse and looked around the brutal scene, searching for anything that might tell me what exactly happened here. There wasn’t much in the room, just a table and a few chairs in various states of disrepair. I was about to move on when my eyes fell upon a blood soaked notebook. The blood had ruined much of what was written there but I could still make out some of it.
“… Man arrived today seeking treatment…. Drank the pus from my patient’s bloated boils… showed no signs of infection of any sort, claims… blood is the answer… mixed a solution with a sample of his blood, decided to test on patients… I have made a grave mistake the city will pay for m…”
The notebook abruptly cut off, words lost to bloodstained pages. It seemed to me that this cure was no cure at all but instead its own kind of plague. I walked deeper into the hidden catacombs beneath doctor Archer’s home. Each room featured a new monstrosity for me to behold. But I began to see injuries on several of the corpses that appeared to be the same, two puncture wounds to the neck that were surrounded by black veins. They didn’t seem to be cause by a knife or any sort of man made object. If anything it almost seemed like they were caused by fangs.
The further into these catacombs I moved the less I wanted to be here but I couldn’t turn around. Conrad wouldn’t allow me to leave without something to show for it so I pressed on. Eventually I reached a curve in the tunnels, I could see a dim light emanating from just beyond. I heard a voice as well, cracking but full of a mad joy. The voice carried with it an undeniable air of insanity.
“Cut, cut, cut the pretties all goes in the pot! Below you’ve come and below you’ll stay, below you all will rot!”
Sang the insane voice from just around the corner. Each pause in the song accompanied by a sickeningly wet squelching sound. I steeled myself before taking a step forward, then one more, and another. Before I knew it I had rounded the corner into a image that was conjured straight from the depths of hell.
A man I could only assume was Doctor Archer stood in the center of the room stirring a pot and wearing a filthy blood stained coat. He still wore his beaked mask as well but it was torn open on one side and I could just make out the flash of a sinister smile underneath. The pot was full of the mangled missing limbs from the various corpses I came across on my way here. Around the room hung more limbs still in various states of decomposition. But none of that held a candle to the twitching… thing laying on a table behind Archer.
I couldn’t call it human, not anymore, it had been mutilated beyond recognition. One of its arms had been removed at some point and it appeared to be slowly growing back from the bone out. It’s skull was nearly concave yet it still croaked out in pain. But above all that I could clearly see its sharp fangs poking out like bits of smashed eggshell. Fangs like that surely could’ve cause the wounds I’d seen on my way here but not in that state.
I was still frozen in the firelight from Archer’s cooking fire as he stopped his stirring and looked toward me.
“D.. doc… doctor?”
I stuttered out, nearly shaking with fear.
“The doctor yes! I was him, I AM HIM! The blood, the blood is the cure! Bite and scream and chase and splat!”
He cackled out in glee as he addressed me.
“The strong man came, came and showed me the cure!”
Archer laughed as he lifted a gore caked spoon from out of the pot and pointed to the brutalized figure on the table. I tried to piece everything he was saying together but the fear and the palpable tension his madness brought over the room made it difficult to think. When Archer suddenly lunged forward all I could do was cower and squeak as two razor sharp fangs revealed themselves from under his mask and plunged into the soft flesh of my neck.
I feel I should explain what exactly had happened to the unfortunate Doctor Archer before I continue with my story. I’m sure you could probably guess the man was afflicted with some kind of vampirism and you’d be correct, but its how he was infected that’s important. I was turned from his bite but a bite is not the only way vampirism is conferred. Any bodily fluids from a vampire could cause infection but saliva and blood are especially effective. Hence why most cases of one contracting vampirism come from bites where saliva mixes with the victims blood. This “strong man” laying on the table was none other than the visitor Archer had received earlier. That man had seemed immune to the plague because he too was a vampire. I don’t know why or how Archer got his hands on blood from this vampire but it was a mistake to use it in half baked “cures” for the plague.
Of course it worked… at first. In a few days the people he’d given vampire blood to either died or turned. He couldn’t tell the symptoms of a recently turned and bloodthirsty vampire from signs of the late stages of the plague and simply assumed his “cure” was a failure. At that point he’d already used his “cure” on himself as well but when he began to turn free from all supervision or restraints all hell broke lose. Despite my many years as a vampire I’m still not entirely certain how the specifics of our condition work. I do know that the longer we go without blood the more vicious and predatory we become as our own blood seems to boil. Drinking the blood of others helps calm the fire in our veins and so the cycle continues. But if a vampire were to drink the blood of another vampire the opposite occurs. The offending vampire’s blood boils stronger and stronger until they go feral with pain, or so I’m told I’ve never experienced it for myself. This I believe is what befell doctor Archer and what lead to the grizzly situation I found myself in that night. Now where were we?
The last thing I heard was Doctor Archer’s crazed growling as he tore at my throat but just before the light faded from my eyes I felt him withdraw and dart away, something had startled him. I felt sure these were my final moments as I embraced the icy darkness and allowed myself to fade away. Death never took me though, Instead I awoke to a scene of incredible violence. Doctor Archer was splayed out in-front of me, bound to a makeshift wooden cross. His guts hung out and his entrails spilled onto the floor in front of me. The man strapped to the table looked much better now, arm having regrown in its socket and while his skull was clearly damaged it looked nowhere near as bad as before. He sat In front of Archer holding a torch in one hand and a cleaver in the other.
Turning, I looked away from the two and passed my gaze over the rest of the room until my eyes fell upon the masked body of Conrad. He must’ve followed after me at some point, maybe thats what drew Archer away after he attacked me. Suddenly I felt an intense burning in my veins and a single desire clouded my mind. I don’t know why but I lurched towards the flayed body of Archer in front of me with speed I never knew I possessed. A lightning fast hand grabbed me before I even got close.
“NO! What do you think made him the way he is now child! If you must sate your hunger do so there.”
I heard the man say as the cleaver and torch clattered to the floor. The newly awoken bestial part of me understood what he meant. He must’ve sensed it too as he released me, allowing me to stalk towards Conrad’s crumpled form.
As I stalked forward the man picked up the torch and began setting fire to whatever he could in the room. I ignored him, instead I made my final approach toward my prey and pounced. The look in Conrad’s eyes, I’ll never forget it. The man wasn’t dead, not yet and he didn’t make a noise as I sunk my teeth into his neck a drained him of his life blood. Though he didn’t scream his eyes shown a mix of terror, shock, and bewilderment at seeing me in such a state. As the boiling in my veins subsided and my mind cleared the man approached me again, grabbing me by the collar of my now blood soaked shirt. He didn’t say a word to me as he carried me out of the room and placed me just outside the door before dropping the lit torch at his feet and closing himself inside.
As feeling came back to me I realized what I’d done, what I’d become. I ran through the halls till I found my way back to the trap door. All the while I expected to hear the screams of the burning men in the room now far behind me but all I was met with was indifferent silence. I crept back out into the night, into the crumbling house of the late Doctor Archer. I stayed there for a while, just thinking and waiting for the light of day to burn my curse away. Imagine my surprise when I found out that was all just a myth. As the sunlight washed over me I didn’t feel burning, at least not a burning like before. The burning I felt was more like a bad sunburn, unpleasant but not lethal. I found myself crying but I didn’t understand why at the moment.
Looking back I think a part of me understood the gravity of what had just happened even if my younger mind only knew life was about to change. I wandered the city for a few days trying to understand the changes occurring within me. It took maybe a month to get back to some semblance of normal and by then I looked like a plague victim myself. My skin had quickly gone deathly white from my newfound distain for sunlight, much more quickly than I would’ve guessed. I also have many gaps in my memory from that time. All I can recall between those gaps is the aftermath, waking up covered in blood an immediately beginning the search for new clothes. I did eventually get control of myself and haven’t experienced blackouts like that since Paris but I’m still not too fond of remembering those old days.
So that’s it, the story of how the vampire writing this journal came to be. I must admit its nice to have a record of these things. The longer I live the harder it is to grasp at the wisps of memory from so long ago. Perhaps I should tell the story behind what would eventually become Chimera here. Maybe it’ll give those agents or paper pushers something to think about when they end up having to read this, I’m sure this journal will find its way into their hands eventually. Not tonight though, I think one story is enough for now so farewell, may we meet again.

Story These Stories Will Tie Into
I really hope you know what your getting into, reading this. Never thought I’d be the kind who kept a journal but I’ve finally been convinced so here we are. Oh, and I just hope this ends up in your hands at some point Baelen, you’d be surprised how much you don’t know about me. and, if for some reason you’re reading this and you don’t know who that is just wait, we’ll get there eventually.
But where to begin? Introductions I suppose, some people have called me the devil and while I hardly deserve it I can see why. I’m not the devil if your wondering, I might’ve met him…her…it? Whatever I met I’d certainly call it the devil, dresses in red, absolutely sinister aura about them, and constantly looking to make a deal you just cant refuse. Seems to fit the bill if you ask me.
Enough about that though, I’m supposed to be writing about me. I may not be the devil but I am a vampire and an old one at that. People always balk at that word, vampire. If I had to guess I’d blame the movies and books that have been written about us over the years. I’ll admit theres some truth to them but they like to romanticize things. Take sunlight for example, sure its not pleasant but its not going to kill me any faster than it’s going to kill a ginger. But the sunlight does have adverse effects on the more supernatural things a vampire such as myself can do. I’d guess thats where the myth that sunlight will burn us started but its far from the truth.
The other side to romanticizing vampires is that these days some people want to be us. There was one book in particular I blame for that, I’m sure you can guess which one. I promise the process isn’t that pleasant though, most of the time a person would just end up a thrall to the bloodlust that will surely overtake them. Sometimes they just die outright or remain dormant for days, even weeks at a time before suddenly snapping. Sometimes the process works and they get over the initial bloodlust, then you end up with a true vampire such as myself but thats not exactly a common occurrence.
I shouldn’t go on about the ins and outs of vampirism though, it’s a journal not a book on our physiology. But what do people write in journals, a story perhaps? Well how about the story of how I ended up the way I am now, that should keep any of those Chimera zealots that stumble across this entertained. It all started around 1350 and yes, that would make me over 600 years old. Greatly extended lifespans are one of there perks of my condition.
The bubonic plague had torn through most of Europe giving honest and self proclaimed doctors alike a now essential place in the world. I was a young man in Paris at the time, working for one Doctor Henry Conrad delivering his “cures” to the people. While I can’t speak for the legitimacy of the treatments he offered they gave people some hope in a dark time at the very least. I also happened to have a rebellious streak so when that very same doctor ordered me to steal from yet another doctor, I jumped at the chance. It wasn’t the first time I’d done less than legal things for Conrad, I loved the thrill of it back then. This Doctor Archer I was to steal from had apparently developed his own bootlegged cure to the plague. Naturally, the good Doctor Conrad wanted it for himself and the duty of retrieving his notes and “cure” fell to me, Jacob.
I’ve never had any use of a last name, never knew my parents and grew up an urchin on the streets so I always simply went by Jacob. Now doctors held a very high place in society at the time and the field of medicine was finally really coming into its own. It wasn’t uncommon to have guards stationed at the homes of well known doctors, even more locally known ones like Archer. So I found it strange when I arrived at the address Conrad had given me and found it utterly bereft of any sort of guard. Even the house I’d arrived at seemed dilapidated and misused, as if no one had lived there in a very long time. In hindsight I don’t think anyone had “lived” there in a long time after all.
As I crept through the fallen beams that had once been a doorframe I thought back to the street I’d traveled down. Hadn’t it been just a little more lively when I’d walked the street before? The plague had taken its toll on the city so it wasn’t all posh shoppes (I do so loathe that word these days) like it has become in modern times. Still, there was usually more life to be seen on the street than a stray rodent picking through piles of trash and other unmentionables in search of an easy meal. I shook these thoughts from me head as I walked deeper into the corpse of a building. All around me were the creaks and groans of wood that could splinter and collapse at any moment but none of that concerned me. I was still at that age where I felt invincible, like nothing could ever possibly hurt me.
If nothing else I was reasonably certain the dilapidated house was a former residence of Doctor Archer. Medical equipment was scattered around the house and there were several books that contained hastily scribbled notes. These notes did contain worrying phrases such as, “The answer lies in the blood”, “The patients lie still but healthy”, and “My results are inconclusive, I shall test the improved mixture on myself for further study”. I truly did believe that Conrad had given me a less than recent address or perhaps received bad information altogether. That all changed when I heard banging coming from somewhere near my feet.
“Help Us! PLEASE! IT’S BOILING INSIDE”
Screamed several disjointed muffled voices as the banging grew louder. My heart climbed its way into my throat as I threw rubble and notes alike all over the floor in a frantic search for the source of the noise. Just as suddenly as it began it was cut off by a metallic clang and the sound of metal scraping on metal. The sudden silence was almost louder than the screams that had preceded it. I dropped to my knees, surprise quickly turning to gut wrenching fear. There came one final bang from the floor and this time I saw its source, a small trap door hidden under bits of the ruined doorframe. The door was bound shut with a latch but had a gap just wide enough to let me see a hand lash out, reaching for some means of escape. The hand was brutalized and was missing its thumb. The wound looked like it had been caused by something physically tearing the thumb from the rest of the hand. But just as quickly as it had appeared it was dragged back into the darkness of whatever lay past that trap door. This was enough to shatter the childish notion that nothing here could hurt me. Something had attacked the owner of that hand. Surely they’d do the same to me if I investigated any further. I turned and ran, ran all the way back to Conrad and informed him of the situation.
“Not possible, That address was given by one of the mans own patients. He couldn’t have moved that quickly and the building couldn’t have deteriorated that fast.”
Was his judgmental response.
“You must’ve gone to the wrong house, go back out and find me this cure he’s so convinced he’s found!”
“But I’m sure it was the house! I followed your directions to the letter!”
“Bah! I’ll go with you then! It’s becoming more and more evident to me you cant be trusted with the smallest task!”
Conrad yelled in reply, throwing his books to the ground and rushing to grab his mask to accompany me back to that miserable house.
While I had worked for Conrad for the better part of a year at that point I had no love for the man. He was harsh and didn’t truly care about me or his patients. The whole practice was simply a means to generate whatever profit he could, if people were helped as a result it was simply a coincidence. He often had outbursts like this and he constantly belittled me for each mistake I made. Most days I was convinced he only kept me around because it would take more effort than he was willing to spare to find a replacement. I had nothing better waiting for me anywhere in the world so I was forced to endure the abuse. I thought about simply walking out in the moment but ultimately I decided to accompany Conrad back to the address he’d been given.
The beak of Conrad’s mask cut a path through the rabble and rats as we made our way back out to the decrepit house. He was angry, I could tell from his stiff deliberate strides and judging by the expressions of the people we passed, so could they. But when we finally arrived back at the collapsed doorframe that was once an entrance to Doctor Archer’s home that anger turned to confusion.
“But this must be it?!”
Conrad raged as he tore around the house in disbelief. I’d never seen him so distraught over anything before. Though I imagine losing his chance to get his hands on some miracle cure for the plague had something to do with it. Unfortunately for us both Conrad stumbled on the trapdoor as he rampaged around the small space that was once a room. He fell to the ground with a heavy thud but clambered back to his feet right away. Before a word could pass my lips he was lifting the latch and opening that horrible trapdoor the banging had come from earlier.
“Well, what’re you waiting for?! Go down there and find his cure!”
“I don’t know what it looks like! Please sir, Please…”
But thats all I got out before Conrad shoved me through the hatch with not so much as a “good luck”. Whatever room I’d fallen into was dark, only lit by a dim lantern lying just in front of where I’d fallen. I picked up the lantern as I got back to my feet, steadying myself with the wall. When my hand made contact with the wall I felt something warm, wet, and mildly sticky. The coppery scent I got as I drew my hand to my nose confirmed what I’d feared, it was blood.
The trail of blood lead down the wall to the cold floor and continued down the hall as it faded into the darkness. I was terrified but I had no option other than to move forward following the dark red path stained into the stone floor. The blood trail smeared over the walls and ceiling, apparently whoever this trail belonged to had been flung all over the hallway. Soon enough I found the unfortunate owner of all this blood. The corpse was bloated around the neck and pus still seeped out of several sores near the armpits. All these were signs of the plague but I doubted thats what caused the man’s death. One hand was missing, torn off by the looks of it. The stump was a ruined mess of bone, tendons, and gristle. The man’s other hand was clutching a knife that was embedded in his neck. Multiple wounds on his throat suggested he’d been stabbed at least eight times.
I stepped over the corpse and looked around the brutal scene, searching for anything that might tell me what exactly happened here. There wasn’t much in the room, just a table and a few chairs in various states of disrepair. I was about to move on when my eyes fell upon a blood soaked notebook. The blood had ruined much of what was written there but I could still make out some of it.
“… Man arrived today seeking treatment…. Drank the pus from my patient’s bloated boils… showed no signs of infection of any sort, claims… blood is the answer… mixed a solution with a sample of his blood, decided to test on patients… I have made a grave mistake the city will pay for m…”
The notebook abruptly cut off, words lost to bloodstained pages. It seemed to me that this cure was no cure at all but instead its own kind of plague. I walked deeper into the hidden catacombs beneath doctor Archer’s home. Each room featured a new monstrosity for me to behold. But I began to see injuries on several of the corpses that appeared to be the same, two puncture wounds to the neck that were surrounded by black veins. They didn’t seem to be cause by a knife or any sort of man made object. If anything it almost seemed like they were caused by fangs.
The further into these catacombs I moved the less I wanted to be here but I couldn’t turn around. Conrad wouldn’t allow me to leave without something to show for it so I pressed on. Eventually I reached a curve in the tunnels, I could see a dim light emanating from just beyond. I heard a voice as well, cracking but full of a mad joy. The voice carried with it an undeniable air of insanity.
“Cut, cut, cut the pretties all goes in the pot! Below you’ve come and below you’ll stay, below you all will rot!”
Sang the insane voice from just around the corner. Each pause in the song accompanied by a sickeningly wet squelching sound. I steeled myself before taking a step forward, then one more, and another. Before I knew it I had rounded the corner into a image that was conjured straight from the depths of hell.
A man I could only assume was Doctor Archer stood in the center of the room stirring a pot and wearing a filthy blood stained coat. He still wore his beaked mask as well but it was torn open on one side and I could just make out the flash of a sinister smile underneath. The pot was full of the mangled missing limbs from the various corpses I came across on my way here. Around the room hung more limbs still in various states of decomposition. But none of that held a candle to the twitching… thing laying on a table behind Archer.
I couldn’t call it human, not anymore, it had been mutilated beyond recognition. One of its arms had been removed at some point and it appeared to be slowly growing back from the bone out. It’s skull was nearly concave yet it still croaked out in pain. But above all that I could clearly see its sharp fangs poking out like bits of smashed eggshell. Fangs like that surely could’ve cause the wounds I’d seen on my way here but not in that state.
I was still frozen in the firelight from Archer’s cooking fire as he stopped his stirring and looked toward me.
“D.. doc… doctor?”
I stuttered out, nearly shaking with fear.
“The doctor yes! I was him, I AM HIM! The blood, the blood is the cure! Bite and scream and chase and splat!”
He cackled out in glee as he addressed me.
“The strong man came, came and showed me the cure!”
Archer laughed as he lifted a gore caked spoon from out of the pot and pointed to the brutalized figure on the table. I tried to piece everything he was saying together but the fear and the palpable tension his madness brought over the room made it difficult to think. When Archer suddenly lunged forward all I could do was cower and squeak as two razor sharp fangs revealed themselves from under his mask and plunged into the soft flesh of my neck.
I feel I should explain what exactly had happened to the unfortunate Doctor Archer before I continue with my story. I’m sure you could probably guess the man was afflicted with some kind of vampirism and you’d be correct, but its how he was infected that’s important. I was turned from his bite but a bite is not the only way vampirism is conferred. Any bodily fluids from a vampire could cause infection but saliva and blood are especially effective. Hence why most cases of one contracting vampirism come from bites where saliva mixes with the victims blood. This “strong man” laying on the table was none other than the visitor Archer had received earlier. That man had seemed immune to the plague because he too was a vampire. I don’t know why or how Archer got his hands on blood from this vampire but it was a mistake to use it in half baked “cures” for the plague.
Of course it worked… at first. In a few days the people he’d given vampire blood to either died or turned. He couldn’t tell the symptoms of a recently turned and bloodthirsty vampire from signs of the late stages of the plague and simply assumed his “cure” was a failure. At that point he’d already used his “cure” on himself as well but when he began to turn free from all supervision or restraints all hell broke lose. Despite my many years as a vampire I’m still not entirely certain how the specifics of our condition work. I do know that the longer we go without blood the more vicious and predatory we become as our own blood seems to boil. Drinking the blood of others helps calm the fire in our veins and so the cycle continues. But if a vampire were to drink the blood of another vampire the opposite occurs. The offending vampire’s blood boils stronger and stronger until they go feral with pain, or so I’m told I’ve never experienced it for myself. This I believe is what befell doctor Archer and what lead to the grizzly situation I found myself in that night. Now where were we?
The last thing I heard was Doctor Archer’s crazed growling as he tore at my throat but just before the light faded from my eyes I felt him withdraw and dart away, something had startled him. I felt sure these were my final moments as I embraced the icy darkness and allowed myself to fade away. Death never took me though, Instead I awoke to a scene of incredible violence. Doctor Archer was splayed out in-front of me, bound to a makeshift wooden cross. His guts hung out and his entrails spilled onto the floor in front of me. The man strapped to the table looked much better now, arm having regrown in its socket and while his skull was clearly damaged it looked nowhere near as bad as before. He sat In front of Archer holding a torch in one hand and a cleaver in the other.
Turning, I looked away from the two and passed my gaze over the rest of the room until my eyes fell upon the masked body of Conrad. He must’ve followed after me at some point, maybe thats what drew Archer away after he attacked me. Suddenly I felt an intense burning in my veins and a single desire clouded my mind. I don’t know why but I lurched towards the flayed body of Archer in front of me with speed I never knew I possessed. A lightning fast hand grabbed me before I even got close.
“NO! What do you think made him the way he is now child! If you must sate your hunger do so there.”
I heard the man say as the cleaver and torch clattered to the floor. The newly awoken bestial part of me understood what he meant. He must’ve sensed it too as he released me, allowing me to stalk towards Conrad’s crumpled form.
As I stalked forward the man picked up the torch and began setting fire to whatever he could in the room. I ignored him, instead I made my final approach toward my prey and pounced. The look in Conrad’s eyes, I’ll never forget it. The man wasn’t dead, not yet and he didn’t make a noise as I sunk my teeth into his neck a drained him of his life blood. Though he didn’t scream his eyes shown a mix of terror, shock, and bewilderment at seeing me in such a state. As the boiling in my veins subsided and my mind cleared the man approached me again, grabbing me by the collar of my now blood soaked shirt. He didn’t say a word to me as he carried me out of the room and placed me just outside the door before dropping the lit torch at his feet and closing himself inside.
As feeling came back to me I realized what I’d done, what I’d become. I ran through the halls till I found my way back to the trap door. All the while I expected to hear the screams of the burning men in the room now far behind me but all I was met with was indifferent silence. I crept back out into the night, into the crumbling house of the late Doctor Archer. I stayed there for a while, just thinking and waiting for the light of day to burn my curse away. Imagine my surprise when I found out that was all just a myth. As the sunlight washed over me I didn’t feel burning, at least not a burning like before. The burning I felt was more like a bad sunburn, unpleasant but not lethal. I found myself crying but I didn’t understand why at the moment.
Looking back I think a part of me understood the gravity of what had just happened even if my younger mind only knew life was about to change. I wandered the city for a few days trying to understand the changes occurring within me. It took maybe a month to get back to some semblance of normal and by then I looked like a plague victim myself. My skin had quickly gone deathly white from my newfound distain for sunlight, much more quickly than I would’ve guessed. I also have many gaps in my memory from that time. All I can recall between those gaps is the aftermath, waking up covered in blood an immediately beginning the search for new clothes. I did eventually get control of myself and haven’t experienced blackouts like that since Paris but I’m still not too fond of remembering those old days.
So that’s it, the story of how the vampire writing this journal came to be. I must admit its nice to have a record of these things. The longer I live the harder it is to grasp at the wisps of memory from so long ago. Perhaps I should tell the story behind what would eventually become Chimera here. Maybe it’ll give those agents or paper pushers something to think about when they end up having to read this, I’m sure this journal will find its way into their hands eventually. Not tonight though, I think one story is enough for now so farewell, may we meet again.

A few weeks ago, my grandpa died. I wasn't close with him anymore, but I had been when I was a child. I would go over to his house almost every weekend. He had all the things a young boy could ever want. A pool, an Xbox, and porn magazines were some of the many things I would spend my time with when I was at his house. He was like the stereotypical “cool” grandpa.
So when I found out he had died, it hit me pretty hard. It had been a while since I experienced a death in my family. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I feel guilty, like I was somehow responsible for his death. I thought that if I had gone to see him just once recently, then maybe he would still be alive. Over the past few years I hadn't gone to see him much. It was one of those, growing up things, as I saw my parents less and less, I barely saw him. So I was surprised when I was told I was in his will. Not only that, I was surprised that he left me his house. It was especially unbelievable since his daughter, my mother, was still alive and well.
I had guessed he wanted to give me a head start in life. As a college student, the notion of owning a house seemed impossible, but now I was presented with one. There were no strings attached. The mortgage was already paid off and my grandpa lived there until the day he died, so it wasn't like the house was dilapidated. I obviously jumped at the opportunity and moved to the house within the week. I had still been living with my parents, but with how much time school was consuming, I wasn't home unless it was to sleep. I'm a second year engineering student, so the workload is understandably thick to say the least.
With my own place, I wouldn't have to worry about coming home late and disturbing my parents. That exact scenario was something that happened often. They went to bed early, so me stumbling through the doorway at a late hour of the night didn't make them the happiest. With my own place, I wouldn't have to worry about paying rent, I could just focus on school work. It was a win-win situation for both me and my parents. My mom was ecstatic about the entire situation, while my dad seemed a bit off put.
“I've never really liked this house,” he said with an exhale. We stood outside the house, boxes in hand. He was breathing hard. “Just always gives me a bad vibe.” He stared at the house for another few seconds before turning towards me. “I like it.” I meekly said, my mom nodding in agreement, not staying a word herself. With a sigh my dad continued forward to the door and pushed it open. It had already been unlocked, seemingly by the agent who handed me the deed early that week. We spent a few quiet hours unpacking my belongings. As I looked through each room, a wave of nostalgia hit me. I had remembered so many things from my childhood. My makeshift cooking classes in the kitchen, the bruise I got on my left knee while running through the living room, and the mess I made in the bathroom when I came down with the flu. So many hours of my life had been spent wandering these halls, so to be back made me smile uncontrollably.
I'm sure with a title like this you're expecting me to ramble about a room I was never supposed to enter. A long lost memory of my grandpa telling me to stay out of the basement. Yet it was nothing like that. I had been through every room of the house. This was like a second home to me and nothing felt off. I wasn't the protagonist of a horror story, I was a boy who just got his first taste of the real world. The only thing odd about the house was my grandma's room. He had died in his sleep, so seeing his bed freshly made and pristine just felt uncomfortable.
“We should probably get you a new bed.” Mom had joined me in the doorway. She was somberly looking at the bed, a small frown encroaching her lips.
“Yeah, I can go after I'm done packing,” I whispered. The weight of his death was still looming over me. It had only been around a week since he died at that point. I could only imagine how my mom was feeling as she looked down to his final resting place.
“Let's go now, We've been at it for a while.” It was clear that my mom was just trying to get out of the house for a while. I can't say I blamed her. I could almost smell the scent of death as she closed the door in front of me. I noted that the entire room needed to be changed. Not just the bed.
The trip to Walmart was uneventful. We picked a comfortable looking mattress, grabbed some sheets, then left. I already had blankets packed up so there was no need to grab new ones. As we got back to the house, the sun was nearly setting. It was that moment right before sunset where it's still bright outside, but you can just tell the sun is about to set.
When we parked in the driveway, we were greeted by two older people. There was a man and a woman, both looking to be in their sixties. They were standing on the porch of the house, facing the front door. The woman held a tray in her hand, although from behind it was hard to tell what was in it.
“Can I help you,” dad said as he stepped out of the car. The man was the first to turn around. He chuckled.
“What a coincidence! We just rang the doorbell and there you are right behind us. We heard someone was moving into Jerry's house, but we didn't think it would be a family.”
“No, no,” my dad shook his head, “it's just my son. Me and my wife were just helping him move.” The old couple walked down from the porch and met us in the driveway. The man shook my hand first, and then my father's. He ignored my mother, but his wife greeted her with a hug. Mom seemed a bit confused by the notion but went along with it.
“Welcome to the neighborhood dearie,” the wife had spoken for the first time. “It's a pleasure to meet you. You must be Stephen, right?”
I shot her a perplexed look.
“I'm Ian, I was Jerry's grandson.” She met my look with an even more confused one. Her husband was looking over to her and gave her a gentle nudge.
“Sorry about that, my wife forgets things. She used to have a friend named Stephen and well…”
“I don't forget things Ronny!” The woman suddenly yelled out. “Remember? We were told that Stephen would be moving in. They sent it in the letter!” Her voice was getting louder as she talked. It wasn't a volume that came from anger, rather an excitement. One that wasn't shared by her husband.
“Dear, you're doing it again.” He rubbed his hand against her back. “I'm so sorry folks,” he looked over to us, to my father in particular. “Her mind is getting all muddled. She's got mild dementia.”
“It's alright, really.” My dad didn't really know how to respond. The woman's behavior was odd, sure, yet the idea of her having dementia just made everything feel somber. “Well, I hope you enjoy the new place Ian. This really is a lovely neighborhood,” the man quietly said. His wife had pushed herself into his arms. I thought I could hear a faint sobbing sound coming from her.
He said his goodbyes to us and then walked his wife across the street and over to, what I could assume, was their house. Despite the fact that I had come over countless times as a child, I never really knew grandpa's neighbors. From the looks on my parents' faces, I assumed they also didn't have much interaction with his neighbors. We all agreed not to speak much about it, as we all felt bad for the woman, and moved ourselves and my new mattress into the house. When we got inside I set the bag of sheets down on the living room couch. My parents followed in after me, my mom sitting down on the couch.
“Welp, you're on your own now, Ian,” she said with a laugh. We started laughing too. My mom was always good at lightening the mood. Whenever things were tense she would just make us laugh. We bantered for a bit longer then, within the hour, my parents were gone. My grandpa's house was about thirty minutes away from my parents house, and with the sun being almost fully set at that point, they decided to leave. An immediate freedom pushed itself deep into my brain. For the first time in my life, I was truly by myself. While that may not seem as positive as I am spinning it, I assure you it was. I've always been a bit of an introvert. The prospect of having a whole house all to myself, all the time, was incredible.
The mattress box sat on the ground of the living room, waiting to be opened. I had promised my parents I would set it up myself, however staring down at it on my floor gave me all the reasons I needed to put it off until the next day. For tonight, I would sleep on the couch. First, I needed to look around the house some more. I wasn't too keen on sleeping in my grandfather's room. Something about sleeping in the same room he died was just disturbing to me.
I walked through the kitchen and over to the stairway. My grandpa's house consisted of two small, but packed floors. Each floor consisted of around 5 rooms, more than enough for an old man. The entire upstairs was designed for his children and then, in his latter years, their children. Walking up the stairs I immediately made my way to the right. There sat a rather faded, wooden door. The knob was a light golden color and, with how much the paint was chipped, it was obvious how much use it had seen. I opened the door and was pleasantly surprised to see the room within was left exactly as I remembered it. When I was a child the game room was my favorite place in the house. Grandpa always made sure to keep up to date with the latest consoles and board games. Any time I came over, I was met with a new game. Halo, Call of Duty and board games like Apples to Apples, were the objects of my obsession. Back then, the game room was a sanctuary. I could leave all my troubles behind and just be myself for a few hours. It might be selfish to say, but I feel like that's one of the reasons I really loved my grandpa. Now, the game room reflected something else entirely. I felt a deep sense of sorrow entering the room and finding everything to be exactly the same. It was like Grandpa kept up a facade for just us and in reality he didn't care for any of these rooms.
I remember one night in the game room. He told me all about the time he tried call of duty and how he “sucked at the game”. I reassured him that no matter how bad he was at video games I would always be there for him and he would always be my favorite family member. But now he's gone and I found myself left with emotions I couldn't quite quantify. I looked around the room, eager to unlock some hidden memories that would send me down the nostalgia trip of a lifetime. Instead, I found myself drawn to the cabinet in the far left of the room. It was tucked away behind those little alphabet mats that teachers used to have in their classroom in a vain attempt to have students learn the alphabet. My grandpa picked them up in order to attempt to get me to learn the same thing. I was never really great with words, especially when I was younger. I struggled to focus in class and as such failed to learn the alphabet when I was three.
I moved the mats to the side, reaching out to the cabinet and opening it. Previously, it was used to house all of the board games, however now it looked barren. All that was left within the cabinet was a crumpled up piece of paper. I grabbed the paper, not thinking much of it, and unfolded it gently. Unbeknownst to me, something had fallen to the floor, creating a tiny metallic ringing sound as it did. The paper itself was blank, so I threw it back into the cabinet. My attention shifted to the metallic sound, and I reached down to my feet, grasping the object in my hand. I pulled it up and within view. It was a small ruby colored key. This was odd for two particular reasons. The first being that Grandpa never kept anything in his house locked. I was always able to wander the house whenever and wherever I pleased. The second oddity regarding this key was where it was placed. Why would a key be shoved into a piece of paper? On top of that, why would it be stuffed in a random, empty, cabinet? The most logical answer to that first oddity was that the key belonged to his office door. I thought that perhaps in his old age he had grown weary about leaving his office unlocked at all times. Of course, now I know how wrong that was, but it was my working theory then. I kept hold of the key as I made my way down the stairs and over to his office door. As per usual, it was closed. He did always keep it closed though one simple turn of the knob would open it. I placed my free hand on the knob, twisted, and was met with nothing. The door refused to open. I was right, I thought to myself as I pushed the key into the lock and twisted. The faint clicking noise that followed indicated that the door had now been unlocked.
This time, when I twisted the knob, I was greeted by a thick coat of dust that covered not only the room, but now, what felt like my entire body. I coughed a bit at the sudden change in air quality. It tasted stale. My nose itched as I forced myself in the room, fighting past the invincible dust bunnies, of whom I now considered enemies. In the center of the room sat a large mahogany desk. Splayed out across the desk were various sheets of paper, along with a typewriter. My grandpa never quite moved into the digital age when it came to his studies. He preferred the feeling of the typewriter over the hard clacking of a computer keyboard. Perhaps that’s the reason all his work was so beautiful. No matter what he wrote there was always an aura that surrounded it. The font of the typewriter and the sophisticated words darted across the page, made all his writing seem so foreign, yet stunning. Behind the desk, were all of his bookshelves. They stretched across the entirety of the office's back wall. He always took great care of his books, so it was bizarre to see how much dust they had collected. In order for this much dust to be present, the room would have to lie abandoned for at least a year or two. I struggled to understand the implications of those thoughts as I paced over to the desk. Getting a closer look at the papers strewn across the desk, I could see that they were all part of a larger work. I collected the pages, wiping off the built up dust in the process, and rearranged them. It was quite easy since they all contained page numbers. When I finally collected all the pages, I took a glance at them. My heart sank as I read the first line of page one.
“Dear Ian,”
I froze in place. There was a tense feeling in the air, one that wasn’t present before. If this room had been locked up for at least a year, then why was there a letter addressed to me. More alarmingly, was the length of the letter. It wasn’t the typical short, formal letter, it was a long, story-like account that was addressed to none other than me. Curiosity got the better of me and I continued reading. For the sake of your understanding I’ll transcribe the letter, in its entirety, here.
“Dear Ian, If you’ve acquired this letter, then I’m afraid that means I’ve perished. If you've gotten this letter then that means I've roped you into my affairs, and for that I'm deeply sorry. You were the only trustful soul in this God forsaken place, it has to be you. Please, don't be alarmed at all of this. I'll try to explain everything to you the best I can. Truth is, even I didn't know everything. I'll start at the beginning, that should make it much easier to understand. I first moved to Blythewood in my early twenties. When I was that young, this place was barely populated. A part of the highway had just been cleared, to make room for more housing and I was one of the first to apply for residency. There was some rather brief paperwork, but I was given a key to the house within the week. I acknowledged how strange this all was, how quickly everything had happened, but I was young and the prospect of getting a new house on the market for a cheap price was alluring. I had a few neighbors of course, but for the most part we were a small community. It was quaint. It was beautiful, son, it really was. Over the next few years each of us began to build a family. I had your mother, and then shortly after my wife passed away. I'm not sure how much you've talked with your mom about that. It was a hard time for the both of us. Sandra was so young, she barely remembered her mother. I'm sure all she could remember was the countless nights I spent weeping. The countless bottles of liquor that littered the floor. Cancer is an awful disease. Not only did it take my wife, it took a piece of me with her. She was my everything. She was the one thing I'll regret not cherishing enough. During that time, more homes were built. The neighborhood, now transformed into more of a town, was thriving. New families were moving in, the house values were up. Everything was peaceful, until the knock on the door. As I was grieving in my room, I recall hearing a small knocking sound. At first I thought it was Sandra. She always loved to stomp around the house with her little dolls. Then the knock came again, this time much louder. It sounded aggravated, as if whoever was knocking was growing impatient. At that moment, I knew it had to be the door. I wiped my tears from my face and walked over to the front door. When I answered it I was greeted with an awful smell. It was as if the very embodiment of the sewer system was standing in front of me, only, it wasn't. In front of me stood a small boy, no older than your nine year old mother at the time. His brown hair was greasy and flung about everywhere. His clothes were torn to near pieces, holes sitting across his chest and sleeves. The smell hit me for a second time and I nearly gagged. It was silent for a moment, as I soaked in all the little boy's features. He wore a pained expression that looked almost as if he was waiting for me to offer something to him. I took the bait son, something about his face. It was like he was looking deep within me. “Is there something I can do for you,” I answered in a near whisper. “Food.” His voice was spine chilling. It was far deeper than anything that should've rightfully been able to be produced by a child. Even though he only uttered one singular word, I swear I could feel the earth tremble.. “I..um.” “Food. Now.” I was stunned. In my near drunken stupor I figured I must've been hallucinating. I wasn't sleeping well, and I could've sworn the young boy looked like my wife's younger brother. That would've been impossible however, since he died when he was twelve. It was a train car incident. I never pressed for the details. My wife always hated talking about it. So, faced with the bone rattling figure of the young boy, I decided the only way to deal with my assumed hallucination was to appease it. “Alright, c'mon in sport. I'll fetch you something nice. Just wait right here.” I motioned for him to come in and sit on the couch. His eyes remained fixed on me as he took a step past the entryway. “Thanks for letting me in, Mister,” he didn't take another step. “Of course, do you need anything else?” “No.” I nodded slowly and practically ran to the kitchen, taking a deep breath as I entered. The smell was growing worse. It was invading my nostrils again and again, disappearing only to reappear once again. It was like it had pierced my very soul. I frantically searched the kitchen and as I did, Sandra rounded the corner. “Daddy, what's that smell?” She was holding her nose tightly, an expression of disgust splattered across her face. I had been so caught up in my own delusions that I completely forgot about Sandra's existence. Her words made me stop right where I was standing. “You can smell it too honey.” She nodded. “Go over to Daddy's room and get under the bed sweetie. Let's…play hide and seek.” This boy, whoever it was, had been real. I don't know why I sent Sandra to hide at that moment, perhaps parental instincts took over, or perhaps I was just imparting my fear onto her. She nodded, giving a slight giggle in the process before skipping off to my room. Whenever we played hide and seek, I always made her count under my bed. If I didn't, she would cheat. Call me a sore loser, but even at my age I was determined to win at the children's game. Having successfully sent my daughter off, I resumed my task. I quickly prepared a sandwich. As I write this I struggle to remember what it consisted of, but that's besides the point. I grasped the plate in my hand, trying as hard as I could to prevent it from shaking. “It's all set!” I called out to the boy. I was only met with silence. “I said it's all ready!” I screamed out even louder than before. Suddenly, and without any indication, the boy was in front of me. He was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, his fingernails digging into the hardwood beam. He outstretched one hand, revealing his purplish palm. It was a color unlike any that was present on the rest of his body. “Here,” I said, passing the plate over to him. “Mister,” the boy said in a low whisper. He held the plate tightly. In my fear, I refused to let go. “Do you know what death tastes like?” I pulled my hand from the plate. The boy's grip must've been flimsy since, as my grip loosened, he lost control of the plate and it fell to the ground. At that moment Sandra had entered the room. I hadn't accounted for the fact that she would hear my yelling when I attempted to summon the boy. I hadn't accounted for the fact that from my bedroom it may have sounded like I found my hiding spot and was ready for her to seek. “Found you!” She said gleefully, before noticing the boy. All semblance of joy left her face as she saw, smelt, perhaps even tasted, the boy. She vomited almost immediately, and pressed herself up against the hallway wall. “Mister, I asked a question.” The boy was stern. “W-what?” Everything was happening so fast. I felt as if I couldn't breathe. “Have you ever tasted death?” Sandra was still pressed up against the wall. She looked utterly prettified. I wanted to run to her and shield her from this horror that took the form of a young boy. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to tell her how much she reminded me of her mother. I couldn't. Before I had the chance to move, the boy reacted first. The fingernails that had been dug into the beam of the doorway, pulled away, revealing what looked to be a sharp claw. It was something so inhuman it's almost impossible to describe. His claw-like hand glided across the air as he swung his body in my daughter's direction. There was a small, desperate scream, and then my very world went quiet. The boy's claw had found its way into my daughter's stomach. He burrowed it deep inside, a viscous red liquid beginning to coat the part of his arm that was still visible. Sandra flailed her arms, in an attempt to push the claw out of her, but with each spastic movement of hers, the boy dug his arm deeper within. She was dead within a matter of minutes. Her last expression was one of pleading as she looked over to me. I wasn't able to move. No matter how many times I told myself I had to push forward and lunge at the boy, I couldn't. I was so crippled by fear that even my ears began to ring. The smell was becoming overbearing. Mixing with the sewers was now the distinct smell of metallic life force. My brain was moving slower than my eyes. It took me a moment to process everything that had happened and when I did, I fell to my knees. My voice was hoarse and my mind was fighting every part of my body. Everything was burning, my eyes, my ears, my throat. All of this pain, all of this hate, culminated in a deep, guttural cry that spewed from deep within me. By the time I was able to look up from the tiled floor, the boy was gone. I was left in my kitchen, the clawed body of my daughter splayed out in front of me. It took me a while before I was able to move again. The first part of me to return to normal were my fingers. I clenched them into a tight fist, my own nails digging into my flesh. It was just like he did to her. Claws to skin. I was going to skin him. I was going to kill whatever creature took my daughter away from me. It couldn’t have been human. I had been digging into my own flesh so ferociously that blood was beginning to drip down onto the ground. It was only then that I was able to snap myself out of the blind rage I had found myself within. I was brought back to the scene in front of me. My dead daughter, still in front of me, as if it was a reminder from whatever damned god is watching over us. A reminder that a pure evil had snuffed her light out. I was going to snuff its light out. I was going to kill it
That was all that was contained in the letter. It had seemed so incomplete, and as I would later come to find out, it was. As I found myself reaching the end of Grandpa's letter, my initial curiosity turned into what I can only describe as unfiltered fear. I would be quick to write off a story of this caliber, however I knew the man who was writing this. A swell of confusion consumed me as I stood by his desk. Grandpa would never lie about something like this, but my mom was alive. I had literally just seen her. There were so many unanswered questions that dawned on me in the moments I sat pondering in his old, creaky chair.
Perhaps the letter was nothing but a story, although judging by the fact that it was solely addressed to me, I was quick to dismiss this thought. I sat at his desk for a long while, simply collecting my thoughts. It was already well past dark by the time I finished reading the letter. I pulled out my phone, and pulled up my mom’s contact information. I deliberated quickly, before hitting the call button. The best way to confirm Grandpa's letter would be to just ask my mom. I knew she wasn’t dead, and that the letter likely wasn’t written in full as I had found it, so I assumed mom would have the other half of the story to fill me in on.
The phone rang twice before she picked up.
“Honey?” her voice sounded groggy. I had likely just woken her from a deep sleep.
“Hey mom, sorry to bother. I just had a quick question.”
I heard some shuffling from the phone mic.
“Yeah?”
“It’s just that…it's gonna sound stupid… but I just found a letter from Grandpa. It was addressed to me and it said that you were killed when you were younger. Is that…true?”
I realized the absurdity of my question right as it left my mouth. I waited to hear mom’s stern voice, yelling at me for drunk dialing her, or something like that, yet it never came. All I heard was her breath on the other end. She was breathing quite heavy, as if I had struck a chord with her.
“Your grandfather always loved his stories. He probably wanted to make his death seem like it had meaning. The letter is nothing but bullshit. I’m sorry he scared you like that. You should get some rest, honey. It’s been a long day.”
Before I could say anything in response she had already hung up. Her voice had sounded cold. I wasn’t used to hearing mom like this, but the idea of Grandpa writing a story about her death probably made her vastly uncomfortable. I wish I could say the story ended there. I wish I had gone to bed that night, and believed my mothers words as cold hard facts. There was just something about that call that made me believe something was deeply wrong. Mom never used curse words. It was something that, at the moment, I paid no attention to, however as I recall the events of the past few days and pour them into this written log, I’m unable to pretend that this held no significance.

Link to the story these stories will have ties to
I really hope you know what your getting into, reading this. Never thought I’d be the kind who kept a journal but I’ve finally been convinced so here we are. Oh, and I just hope this ends up in your hands at some point Baelen, you’d be surprised how much you don’t know about me. and, if for some reason you’re reading this and you don’t know who that is just wait, we’ll get there eventually.
But where to begin? Introductions I suppose, some people have called me the devil and while I hardly deserve it I can see why. I’m not the devil if your wondering, I might’ve met him…her…it? Whatever I met I’d certainly call it the devil, dresses in red, absolutely sinister aura about them, and constantly looking to make a deal you just cant refuse. Seems to fit the bill if you ask me.
Enough about that though, I’m supposed to be writing about me. I may not be the devil but I am a vampire and an old one at that. People always balk at that word, vampire. If I had to guess I’d blame the movies and books that have been written about us over the years. I’ll admit theres some truth to them but they like to romanticize things. Take sunlight for example, sure its not pleasant but its not going to kill me any faster than it’s going to kill a ginger. But the sunlight does have adverse effects on the more supernatural things a vampire such as myself can do. I’d guess thats where the myth that sunlight will burn us started but its far from the truth.
The other side to romanticizing vampires is that these days some people want to be us. There was one book in particular I blame for that, I’m sure you can guess which one. I promise the process isn’t that pleasant though, most of the time a person would just end up a thrall to the bloodlust that will surely overtake them. Sometimes they just die outright or remain dormant for days, even weeks at a time before suddenly snapping. Sometimes the process works and they get over the initial bloodlust, then you end up with a true vampire such as myself but thats not exactly a common occurrence.
I shouldn’t go on about the ins and outs of vampirism though, it’s a journal not a book on our physiology. But what do people write in journals, a story perhaps? Well how about the story of how I ended up the way I am now, that should keep any of those Chimera zealots that stumble across this entertained. It all started around 1350 and yes, that would make me over 600 years old. Greatly extended lifespans are one of there perks of my condition.
The bubonic plague had torn through most of Europe giving honest and self proclaimed doctors alike a now essential place in the world. I was a young man in Paris at the time, working for one Doctor Henry Conrad delivering his “cures” to the people. While I can’t speak for the legitimacy of the treatments he offered they gave people some hope in a dark time at the very least. I also happened to have a rebellious streak so when that very same doctor ordered me to steal from yet another doctor, I jumped at the chance. It wasn’t the first time I’d done less than legal things for Conrad, I loved the thrill of it back then. This Doctor Archer I was to steal from had apparently developed his own bootlegged cure to the plague. Naturally, the good Doctor Conrad wanted it for himself and the duty of retrieving his notes and “cure” fell to me, Jacob.
I’ve never had any use of a last name, never knew my parents and grew up an urchin on the streets so I always simply went by Jacob. Now doctors held a very high place in society at the time and the field of medicine was finally really coming into its own. It wasn’t uncommon to have guards stationed at the homes of well known doctors, even more locally known ones like Archer. So I found it strange when I arrived at the address Conrad had given me and found it utterly bereft of any sort of guard. Even the house I’d arrived at seemed dilapidated and misused, as if no one had lived there in a very long time. In hindsight I don’t think anyone had “lived” there in a long time after all.
As I crept through the fallen beams that had once been a doorframe I thought back to the street I’d traveled down. Hadn’t it been just a little more lively when I’d walked the street before? The plague had taken its toll on the city so it wasn’t all posh shoppes (I do so loathe that word these days) like it has become in modern times. Still, there was usually more life to be seen on the street than a stray rodent picking through piles of trash and other unmentionables in search of an easy meal. I shook these thoughts from me head as I walked deeper into the corpse of a building. All around me were the creaks and groans of wood that could splinter and collapse at any moment but none of that concerned me. I was still at that age where I felt invincible, like nothing could ever possibly hurt me.
If nothing else I was reasonably certain the dilapidated house was a former residence of Doctor Archer. Medical equipment was scattered around the house and there were several books that contained hastily scribbled notes. These notes did contain worrying phrases such as, “The answer lies in the blood”, “The patients lie still but healthy”, and “My results are inconclusive, I shall test the improved mixture on myself for further study”. I truly did believe that Conrad had given me a less than recent address or perhaps received bad information altogether. That all changed when I heard banging coming from somewhere near my feet.
“Help Us! PLEASE! IT’S BOILING INSIDE”
Screamed several disjointed muffled voices as the banging grew louder. My heart climbed its way into my throat as I threw rubble and notes alike all over the floor in a frantic search for the source of the noise. Just as suddenly as it began it was cut off by a metallic clang and the sound of metal scraping on metal. The sudden silence was almost louder than the screams that had preceded it. I dropped to my knees, surprise quickly turning to gut wrenching fear. There came one final bang from the floor and this time I saw its source, a small trap door hidden under bits of the ruined doorframe. The door was bound shut with a latch but had a gap just wide enough to let me see a hand lash out, reaching for some means of escape. The hand was brutalized and was missing its thumb. The wound looked like it had been caused by something physically tearing the thumb from the rest of the hand. But just as quickly as it had appeared it was dragged back into the darkness of whatever lay past that trap door. This was enough to shatter the childish notion that nothing here could hurt me. Something had attacked the owner of that hand. Surely they’d do the same to me if I investigated any further. I turned and ran, ran all the way back to Conrad and informed him of the situation.
“Not possible, That address was given by one of the mans own patients. He couldn’t have moved that quickly and the building couldn’t have deteriorated that fast.”
Was his judgmental response.
“You must’ve gone to the wrong house, go back out and find me this cure he’s so convinced he’s found!”
“But I’m sure it was the house! I followed your directions to the letter!”
“Bah! I’ll go with you then! It’s becoming more and more evident to me you cant be trusted with the smallest task!”
Conrad yelled in reply, throwing his books to the ground and rushing to grab his mask to accompany me back to that miserable house.
While I had worked for Conrad for the better part of a year at that point I had no love for the man. He was harsh and didn’t truly care about me or his patients. The whole practice was simply a means to generate whatever profit he could, if people were helped as a result it was simply a coincidence. He often had outbursts like this and he constantly belittled me for each mistake I made. Most days I was convinced he only kept me around because it would take more effort than he was willing to spare to find a replacement. I had nothing better waiting for me anywhere in the world so I was forced to endure the abuse. I thought about simply walking out in the moment but ultimately I decided to accompany Conrad back to the address he’d been given.
The beak of Conrad’s mask cut a path through the rabble and rats as we made our way back out to the decrepit house. He was angry, I could tell from his stiff deliberate strides and judging by the expressions of the people we passed, so could they. But when we finally arrived back at the collapsed doorframe that was once an entrance to Doctor Archer’s home that anger turned to confusion.
“But this must be it?!”
Conrad raged as he tore around the house in disbelief. I’d never seen him so distraught over anything before. Though I imagine losing his chance to get his hands on some miracle cure for the plague had something to do with it. Unfortunately for us both Conrad stumbled on the trapdoor as he rampaged around the small space that was once a room. He fell to the ground with a heavy thud but clambered back to his feet right away. Before a word could pass my lips he was lifting the latch and opening that horrible trapdoor the banging had come from earlier.
“Well, what’re you waiting for?! Go down there and find his cure!”
“I don’t know what it looks like! Please sir, Please…”
But thats all I got out before Conrad shoved me through the hatch with not so much as a “good luck”. Whatever room I’d fallen into was dark, only lit by a dim lantern lying just in front of where I’d fallen. I picked up the lantern as I got back to my feet, steadying myself with the wall. When my hand made contact with the wall I felt something warm, wet, and mildly sticky. The coppery scent I got as I drew my hand to my nose confirmed what I’d feared, it was blood.
The trail of blood lead down the wall to the cold floor and continued down the hall as it faded into the darkness. I was terrified but I had no option other than to move forward following the dark red path stained into the stone floor. The blood trail smeared over the walls and ceiling, apparently whoever this trail belonged to had been flung all over the hallway. Soon enough I found the unfortunate owner of all this blood. The corpse was bloated around the neck and pus still seeped out of several sores near the armpits. All these were signs of the plague but I doubted thats what caused the man’s death. One hand was missing, torn off by the looks of it. The stump was a ruined mess of bone, tendons, and gristle. The man’s other hand was clutching a knife that was embedded in his neck. Multiple wounds on his throat suggested he’d been stabbed at least eight times.
I stepped over the corpse and looked around the brutal scene, searching for anything that might tell me what exactly happened here. There wasn’t much in the room, just a table and a few chairs in various states of disrepair. I was about to move on when my eyes fell upon a blood soaked notebook. The blood had ruined much of what was written there but I could still make out some of it.
“… Man arrived today seeking treatment…. Drank the pus from my patient’s bloated boils… showed no signs of infection of any sort, claims… blood is the answer… mixed a solution with a sample of his blood, decided to test on patients… I have made a grave mistake the city will pay for m…”
The notebook abruptly cut off, words lost to bloodstained pages. It seemed to me that this cure was no cure at all but instead its own kind of plague. I walked deeper into the hidden catacombs beneath doctor Archer’s home. Each room featured a new monstrosity for me to behold. But I began to see injuries on several of the corpses that appeared to be the same, two puncture wounds to the neck that were surrounded by black veins. They didn’t seem to be cause by a knife or any sort of man made object. If anything it almost seemed like they were caused by fangs.
The further into these catacombs I moved the less I wanted to be here but I couldn’t turn around. Conrad wouldn’t allow me to leave without something to show for it so I pressed on. Eventually I reached a curve in the tunnels, I could see a dim light emanating from just beyond. I heard a voice as well, cracking but full of a mad joy. The voice carried with it an undeniable air of insanity.
“Cut, cut, cut the pretties all goes in the pot! Below you’ve come and below you’ll stay, below you all will rot!”
Sang the insane voice from just around the corner. Each pause in the song accompanied by a sickeningly wet squelching sound. I steeled myself before taking a step forward, then one more, and another. Before I knew it I had rounded the corner into a image that was conjured straight from the depths of hell.
A man I could only assume was Doctor Archer stood in the center of the room stirring a pot and wearing a filthy blood stained coat. He still wore his beaked mask as well but it was torn open on one side and I could just make out the flash of a sinister smile underneath. The pot was full of the mangled missing limbs from the various corpses I came across on my way here. Around the room hung more limbs still in various states of decomposition. But none of that held a candle to the twitching… thing laying on a table behind Archer.
I couldn’t call it human, not anymore, it had been mutilated beyond recognition. One of its arms had been removed at some point and it appeared to be slowly growing back from the bone out. It’s skull was nearly concave yet it still croaked out in pain. But above all that I could clearly see its sharp fangs poking out like bits of smashed eggshell. Fangs like that surely could’ve cause the wounds I’d seen on my way here but not in that state.
I was still frozen in the firelight from Archer’s cooking fire as he stopped his stirring and looked toward me.
“D.. doc… doctor?”
I stuttered out, nearly shaking with fear.
“The doctor yes! I was him, I AM HIM! The blood, the blood is the cure! Bite and scream and chase and splat!”
He cackled out in glee as he addressed me.
“The strong man came, came and showed me the cure!”
Archer laughed as he lifted a gore caked spoon from out of the pot and pointed to the brutalized figure on the table. I tried to piece everything he was saying together but the fear and the palpable tension his madness brought over the room made it difficult to think. When Archer suddenly lunged forward all I could do was cower and squeak as two razor sharp fangs revealed themselves from under his mask and plunged into the soft flesh of my neck.
I feel I should explain what exactly had happened to the unfortunate Doctor Archer before I continue with my story. I’m sure you could probably guess the man was afflicted with some kind of vampirism and you’d be correct, but its how he was infected that’s important. I was turned from his bite but a bite is not the only way vampirism is conferred. Any bodily fluids from a vampire could cause infection but saliva and blood are especially effective. Hence why most cases of one contracting vampirism come from bites where saliva mixes with the victims blood. This “strong man” laying on the table was none other than the visitor Archer had received earlier. That man had seemed immune to the plague because he too was a vampire. I don’t know why or how Archer got his hands on blood from this vampire but it was a mistake to use it in half baked “cures” for the plague.
Of course it worked… at first. In a few days the people he’d given vampire blood to either died or turned. He couldn’t tell the symptoms of a recently turned and bloodthirsty vampire from signs of the late stages of the plague and simply assumed his “cure” was a failure. At that point he’d already used his “cure” on himself as well but when he began to turn free from all supervision or restraints all hell broke lose. Despite my many years as a vampire I’m still not entirely certain how the specifics of our condition work. I do know that the longer we go without blood the more vicious and predatory we become as our own blood seems to boil. Drinking the blood of others helps calm the fire in our veins and so the cycle continues. But if a vampire were to drink the blood of another vampire the opposite occurs. The offending vampire’s blood boils stronger and stronger until they go feral with pain, or so I’m told I’ve never experienced it for myself. This I believe is what befell doctor Archer and what lead to the grizzly situation I found myself in that night. Now where were we?
The last thing I heard was Doctor Archer’s crazed growling as he tore at my throat but just before the light faded from my eyes I felt him withdraw and dart away, something had startled him. I felt sure these were my final moments as I embraced the icy darkness and allowed myself to fade away. Death never took me though, Instead I awoke to a scene of incredible violence. Doctor Archer was splayed out in-front of me, bound to a makeshift wooden cross. His guts hung out and his entrails spilled onto the floor in front of me. The man strapped to the table looked much better now, arm having regrown in its socket and while his skull was clearly damaged it looked nowhere near as bad as before. He sat In front of Archer holding a torch in one hand and a cleaver in the other.
Turning, I looked away from the two and passed my gaze over the rest of the room until my eyes fell upon the masked body of Conrad. He must’ve followed after me at some point, maybe thats what drew Archer away after he attacked me. Suddenly I felt an intense burning in my veins and a single desire clouded my mind. I don’t know why but I lurched towards the flayed body of Archer in front of me with speed I never knew I possessed. A lightning fast hand grabbed me before I even got close.
“NO! What do you think made him the way he is now child! If you must sate your hunger do so there.”
I heard the man say as the cleaver and torch clattered to the floor. The newly awoken bestial part of me understood what he meant. He must’ve sensed it too as he released me, allowing me to stalk towards Conrad’s crumpled form.
As I stalked forward the man picked up the torch and began setting fire to whatever he could in the room. I ignored him, instead I made my final approach toward my prey and pounced. The look in Conrad’s eyes, I’ll never forget it. The man wasn’t dead, not yet and he didn’t make a noise as I sunk my teeth into his neck a drained him of his life blood. Though he didn’t scream his eyes shown a mix of terror, shock, and bewilderment at seeing me in such a state. As the boiling in my veins subsided and my mind cleared the man approached me again, grabbing me by the collar of my now blood soaked shirt. He didn’t say a word to me as he carried me out of the room and placed me just outside the door before dropping the lit torch at his feet and closing himself inside.
As feeling came back to me I realized what I’d done, what I’d become. I ran through the halls till I found my way back to the trap door. All the while I expected to hear the screams of the burning men in the room now far behind me but all I was met with was indifferent silence. I crept back out into the night, into the crumbling house of the late Doctor Archer. I stayed there for a while, just thinking and waiting for the light of day to burn my curse away. Imagine my surprise when I found out that was all just a myth. As the sunlight washed over me I didn’t feel burning, at least not a burning like before. The burning I felt was more like a bad sunburn, unpleasant but not lethal. I found myself crying but I didn’t understand why at the moment.
Looking back I think a part of me understood the gravity of what had just happened even if my younger mind only knew life was about to change. I wandered the city for a few days trying to understand the changes occurring within me. It took maybe a month to get back to some semblance of normal and by then I looked like a plague victim myself. My skin had quickly gone deathly white from my newfound distain for sunlight, much more quickly than I would’ve guessed. I also have many gaps in my memory from that time. All I can recall between those gaps is the aftermath, waking up covered in blood an immediately beginning the search for new clothes. I did eventually get control of myself and haven’t experienced blackouts like that since Paris but I’m still not too fond of remembering those old days.
So that’s it, the story of how the vampire writing this journal came to be. I must admit its nice to have a record of these things. The longer I live the harder it is to grasp at the wisps of memory from so long ago. Perhaps I should tell the story behind what would eventually become Chimera here. Maybe it’ll give those agents or paper pushers something to think about when they end up having to read this, I’m sure this journal will find its way into their hands eventually. Not tonight though, I think one story is enough for now so farewell, may we meet again.