Perfect boyfriend speech

My boyfriend (S, 35 male) and I (30 female) have been dating for a year and a half, and living together for 7 months. I have been considering breaking up with him following a few conflicts over the past months. When I brought this up to him, he apologized profusely for his attitude and promised he would start seeing a therapist and would never hurt me again. Is it reasonable to give him another chance? Am I overreacting? Am I overly sensitive?
Just to for a bit of context: I am neurodivergent and have some difficulty reading between the lines. I did ask my therapist what to do… but she doesn’t give me plain answers and wants me to come to realizations by myself… Also english is a third language for me, sorry for any mistakes.
So here are the conflicts I mentioned above: 1– A few weeks ago, S invited his parents and 3 brothers, as well as my sister, to our place for dinner. After a nice meal, we all sat down to watch TV. As the evening progressed, his brothers and my sister left one by one, but his parents did not budge. I eventually realized that they were going to spend the night. No one informed me of this, nor did they ask me if I had plans or if I agreed to it. I dont’t know if this changes anything, but this is my house, and my boyfriend lives in, rent-free, as I have a higher paying job. When we went to sleep, I told S that, in the future, when his parents decided to stay over, I wanted to be told in advance. He got defensive, raised his voice and said that he felt that I was telling him to ask for my permission to invite his parents. That I didn’t want to see them. That, in his culture, family doesn’t ask. That he didn’t know they would sleep over, etc. I slept on the couch that night. The next morning, I tried to deescalate the situation. I explained to him that I did not want him to ask for permission. That this was his home too and he could invite whoever he wanted, but that I preferred to know in advance. He said not to worry, because his parents would probably never want to come over again as he felt that I was cold to them and ignored them all night by being on my phone on the couch (which is true, I was upset). However, his parents never told him this… and did come back. I asked why he would say such a thing if they never mentioned it. He explained that he knew his parents by heart and knew that they would react this way. I then accused him of emotionally manipulating and gaslighting me. He thought about this for a few hours, then agreed that he did gaslight me, albeit unknowingly, because our fight brought back insecurities from a previous relationship. I forgave him and we moved on. He promised he’d see a therapist and would never hurt me this way again.
2–S borrowed a few thousand dollars for a failing family business owned by his brothers. As 6 weeks passed by and no one mentioned reimbursing me, I proposed that each of the brothers pay me 100$ a month until the debt was paid off. He agreed and fought with his brothers multiple times, but they would repeatedly say they have no money at the time, or change the subject. In the end, S took it upon himself to pay their debt, and does so by sending me 500$ every month. Following this, S’s work computer broke, and a new one would cost between 4 and 5K. He asked if I could help out, and this made me panic, as I wondered if he was using me, which I expressed to him. He comforted me in the moment, but a few hours later, he told me that he decided to get a loan from the bank to be able to pay his family’s debt as soon as possible, so that I don’t feel used. He seemed mad and raised his voice, but he denied being angry at me. “I am only angry at myself for putting myself in a situation to be told that I use someone.” I felt bad and apologized multiple times and the conflict deescalated. We ended up making up.
3– We went to visit my family for a week. He was a bit sick and did not socialize much. He spent most of his time on his phone, in my childhood room. My mom was worried about him. My sister tried to include him into activities with little success and later told me that he was participating in family conversations only in my presence, but that as soon as I stepped out of the room, he’d pick up his phone and ignore everyone else. I did not say anything to him, as I knew he was not feeling well. However, one evening, I had planned to see some childhood friends. And my mom asked S to have dinner with the family, but he refused, and went on a car ride and to McDonalds instead. Mom proposed different food options, worried that he didn’t like the food, but he refused. This made me very angry, but I did not want to seem accusatory, so I decided to let it go for the moment, until I was calmer and had found the right words to bring this up respectfully. He drove me to meet my friends later on, and blew up in the car, yelling that he felt I was cold and that he knew I was mad and that he knew I was about to explode but couldn’t handle the wait anymore. I cried and told him that I just needed some time to deal with my feelings and I had the right not to talk to him about everything that bothered me. He yelled at me the next day as well, saying that he was “worried he would get tired of my attitude”. I later asked my sister if I seemed cold towards S to her, and she said no. S and I later talked about all this, and he apologized profusely and said that he was tired and sick and worried.
4–He asked that I do not talk to my therapist about him because he doesn’t want people talking about him and knowing his business. We had an argument about it. I told him that this felt controlling and he recognized this and apologized dozens of times, explaining that he did not know about confidentiality, and that he overreacted because this brought back past trauma. He doesn’t mind my therapist anymore.
And other such little arguments where he reacts because of past trauma. Aside from these arguments, he is the sweetest man. Makes pancakes every morning. Massage twice a week. Kind. Very loving. Very generous. Sacrifices his own wellbeing for those he loves. Wears his heart on his sleeve. He left his better paying job to spend more time with me. We do a lot of activities together. Cleans. Cooks. Listens to me. Supports me. We have similar life goals. Drives 30 minutes into town if I want ice cream. Makes my lunchbox every morning. I really love the man. Plus, he’s sooooo good looking.
I was ready to leave him after the last argument (the yelling while at my parents’)… and I told him about it. He accepted the possibility of a break up, saying he only wants to know I am happy. But he asked for one last chance. I told him that I felt as if I couldn’t speak to him because of his reactions and that it felt somewhat abusive. He said that I was right and he understood that his reactions are not healthy and that he has to deal with his trauma. And he gave me examples where he thought he could’ve acted better, which showed that he really understood where the manipulation/overreaction occurred. He promised he’d never get upset at me again for no reason and things have been perfect for the past 2 weeks.
Even when I bring up something that upsets me, he listens and adresses the issue calmly and kindly.
Yet, I feel that I have trouble forgiving all the fights we’ve had where I felt muted. I don’t know if these are such grave offenses of if I’m just being overly sensitive. I tend to be very naive and I’ve been burned badly in the past, so now… am I being overly cautious. Are these incidents really so bad if he understands what he’s done?

I hosted a Cinco de Mayo family party last weekend. I recently remodeled my backyard and pool, plus being Mexican, I thought it would be the perfect weekend to show off the updated digs. I invited any family that lived in the area. Its the first party i've held since before Covid.
My sister and I are opposites. She is a dog mom (god I hate writing that) to an extreme degree, My wife and I are not dog people. When she got the invite she reached out and said her, her boyfriend, and 2 dogs (Small 10 pound dogs) would be there. I was annoyed and called her to tell her no, her dogs are not allowed.
She asked if kids were going, I said yes, some were. She said well her dogs are family and they should be able to come. I told her I don't consider your dogs family. In fact I think your crazy for thinking that your dogs are my family. She argued her dogs were just as much family as the kids were. She said her dogs wanted to see their uncles new backyard. I told her to shut up and never say that again to me. I re-affirmed that her and her boyfriend could come, but nothing else from their house. She got angry but I eventually hung up.
She didn't go to the party claiming I was rude and an asshole to her. Apparently my parents even agree with her, which fucking blows my mind. Heard a rumor she is hosting an event and is seemingly excluding me from the invite list. AITA Here?

M (21m) and I (24f) have been dating for 7 months. He’s the first guy I’ve ever had real, true feelings for that have lasted. This is what I would consider to be the only serious relationship I’ve ever had.
Things were great from the outset; lots of loving words and actions, quality time spent together, non sexual and sexual physical affection, frequent communication. We met each other one night through mutual friends and hit it off instantly, and then never stopped seeing each other after that. One month into knowing each other we made things official, and now it’s been just over 7 months of us being together.
Prior to a couple months ago, our relationship was near perfect from my perspective, with only a few issues. M and his friends are all weekly drinkers on the weekend, and there have been a handful of occasions where he would be out drinking heavily and then say or do something that made me concerned, then just drop contact with me. On one occasion he went to some strangers house party that he met downtown at 4am after all of his other friends left and went home. He ended up getting stuck in the city (where neither of us live) with a dead phone and I was up all night trying to get ahold of him and ensure his safety. This did cause some contention each time but I am admittedly very people-pleasey and downplayed to him how upset and frustrated I was with him in each of these situations. He was very genuinely apologetic each time and there haven’t been many similar instances since. I want to be clear as well that I have zero concern that these involved cheating or that he has ever cheated. Our relationship has otherwise been near perfect.
Fast forward to now and the last few months. M works in the trades field for a shitty but well paying company that overstaffs their job sites to get them more tax dollars. As a result, many people that work there end up having nothing to do and are essentially told to make themselves look busy. He has been fortunate for most of his time there, in that he’s been on job sites where there is actually work to do. A few months ago though, he was moved to a different department, and has spent nearly every shift with almost nothing to do but stare at his phone and try not to be caught. This might sound like someone’s dream but it’s not his, nor would it be mine. It’s caused him to feel aimless and unfulfilled, which has led to him becoming depressed.
He is someone that has never dealt with depression or any mental illness before, and has understandably been struggling. I on the other hand have, and have worked in the mental health field my entire career, so I have been doing absolutely everything I can to be the most supportive girlfriend to him. Around the time he felt himself becoming depressed, he started to become distant; not answering my texts for much longer periods of time, not seeming present when we were together, and being much less affectionate as a whole, both verbally and physically.
The one thing that didn’t change though was his desire for sex. We’ve always had good sex and have compatible sex drives. Prior to a few months ago, I wanted to jump his bones all the time because I felt wanted by him. And by that I don’t mean physically desired, i mean that I felt seen by him and appreciated as a person. With the changes in his personality that coincided with when he started to feel depressed, I haven’t felt this way. There were many instances in the last few months where he would hardly be romantic or affectionate in any capacity UNTIL we were in a situation where sex was an option. Then he would start kissing me and touching me, and it was plainly obvious that it was because he wanted to have sex. I would often go along with it, even if I wasn’t in the mood, in an effort to feel close to him. Unsurprisingly it instead began to make me feel empty, used and disconnected from him.
I initially gently communicated this to him a little over a month ago, he apologized and changed his behaviour for a week or so, and then it went back to just as it was. I held it in until I couldn’t anymore, and then a couple weeks ago, I told him more assertively how I was feeling and how I felt him to be behaving. He apologized sincerely, voiced that he didn’t even realize what he was doing, and then really opened up to me about how what he’s experiencing right now has been affecting every facet of his life, and how he hates the impact it has had on him and me. Since then, he has been making a real, very clear effort to be more communicative, more loving in his words, and more affectionate non sexually.
My issue now is one that is frustrating me. I can’t help but still feel the way I felt a couple of weeks ago, where I felt disregarded by him and used. I feel distant from him, and the ways he’s behaving now feels fake and forced to me. When he kisses me while we’re cooking or something, it feels like he’s only doing it because of what I brought up, not because it’s coming from a place of real desire to. When he texts me that he loves me, I again, feel that it’s driven by the conversation I had from him. I know he still feels depressed and is trying to make an effort to be a better boyfriend, but I can’t help but still feel put off by his behaviour from over the last couple of months, and unconvinced that his new behaviour is coming from a place of truly wanting to be affectionate.
TLDR: boyfriend of 7 months became distant a couple months ago, around the time he started feeling depressed from his job. Relationship prior to this was great. With this depressed state he stopped ever really being affectionate outside of the context of sex, and it began to make me feel really used. After communicating this a couple times, he began making a clear effort to be more loving and affectionate. I can’t shake now though that his loving words and actions feels insincere and that it’s being driven by the conversation I had with him, rather than out of a real desire to be close to me.
How do I stop feeling this way? I want to accept that he’s doing the best he can now, but I just feel this sense of disconnect from him that I can’t shake.

To make this as short as possible, I was a bored teenager on the internet without many friends in real life, so at 16 I started talking to this 30 year old guy. Initially he told me he just wanted to practice his English, because he’s from Eastern Europe, but we started communicating daily. I viewed him as a friend, but after a few months he started to tell me that I was so beautiful, he wanted to be my boyfriend, and so on.
Around ~2 years ago he told me he moved to America, but he still lived pretty far from me, so we never met in person. At this point we only spoke every once in a while. When we did, he’d offer to buy a me plane ticket and hotel room to come visit him, but I always had some excuse as to why I couldn’t.
In the past few months, he’s showed up in my area (with no prior notice) asking if I could meet him. I’d say that I was out of town, or I had a family emergency, or something like that. Recently, he told me he’s coming again next month and he really, really wants to meet. And this time, I have mixed feelings.
I know it’s shallow, but I’m not physically attracted to him. Maybe he’s better in person, but he’s not really that interesting or funny either. There’s also the whole talking to teenage me on the internet thing.
On the other hand, I’ve tried to date before, but was always unsuccessful. I’d get ghosted when I made it clear I didn’t want to have sex yet. In contrast, he’s never mentioned anything sexual, even once. He also made it clear that his physical “type” is for girls who look like me, which isn’t very common.
I’m kind of a failure in life. I’m 23, I live with my parents, I can’t drive, I don’t have any friends, I’ve never had a real job. I had a few retail/food service sort of jobs, but I never lasted long because I got overwhelmed with being around people all day. I did go to college, but I wasn’t very good at what I majored in, and I don’t know what to with my life. I’m honestly not good at anything. In contrast, he has a house, a car, and a job.
He’s talked about me moving in with him, us getting married, having a family, and he’ll take care of everything. I never saw myself living that kind of life, but maybe I’m not suited for anything else. I’m awkward and don’t have any other skills.
Honestly, I think he’s probably the best I’ll ever get. Most people don’t get their perfect 10/10 person, and I should be happy that someone has been this persistent in their interest of me. The only hurdle is finding a way to go meet him when he comes, but I could figure something out. Is this at least an ok idea? Is there any advice for learning how to love him?

I want damn near perfect elocution. Perfect control of my vocal inflection, and flawless pronunciation. Zero stumbling, no stuttering, no mumbling, or trailing off, or filler words. Strong, loud, steady, clear, and confident. 99.9% of the time. Imagine your favorite actor in his/her most critically acclaimed role. Do not tell me this is unrealistic; I work with several people who accomplish this. And they do it while discussing incredibly complex engineering design. If it’s impossible for me, then I need concrete reasons why that may be the case.
I will pay someone a great deal of money to help me achieve this, because I no longer have confidence that I can do it alone. Speech therapists turn me away because I have no impediments/disabilities. Vocal coaches near me only focus on singing. Toastmasters doesnt tackle my fundamental issues (e.g. breath control). Where else can I go?

I’m slightly insecure over my looks. I like how I look enough, but I have a few big insecurities and I do care about my appearance a lot.
My boyfriend, (M20), doesn’t really compliment me - even if I get all dressed up - and if he does, it’s usually either that “I’m crazy out of his league” or about my boobs.
He likes to joke and banter, but the way he says these jokes is in a tone that I don’t realise is joking - so for a while I thought these jokes were real. He’s pointed out new insecurities too in these jokes - if I smell sweaty, if my lazy eye makes me cross-eyed, my hair looks weird and bumpy when it’s tied back. These are all jokes but they’re slowly getting to me.
I got to a point where I asked him if he ever found me ugly. He said “sometimes you look good, sometimes you don’t. I’m sure you have moments were you think I look bad”. That response is what brought me to writing this post. He’s honest at least, but I kind of wanted him to always think I’m pretty. He’s reacted badly to things in the past - when he saw my old self-harm scars and was verbally and physically grossed out (now he doesn’t mention them though). He also once said “I’m not sure I like you as much as I think I like you” during a conversation about our relationship which is another comment that’s really stuck to me.
When I brought up wanting to loose weight after one of these moments (as I’m becoming more and more insecure kinda), he responded with how he “shouldn’t of said that” in a way that made me feel bad for mentioning it.
As the relationship has developed, aftercare after intimacy is slowly disappearing. Although he is interested in me and how I am feeling during, afterwards he just falls asleep, and recently he’s been not even letting me cuddle him afterwards. I tested him recently (unhealthy I know) by saying I wanted to have less/more planned out intimacy as I feel ugly. And he didn’t say anything, just a “how would that work?” and then changed the subject. I thought he might be a little concerned about me feeling ugly, so ugly I want to have less intimacy, which made me feel worse when he wasn’t concerned at all.
He also watches porn daily when I’m not there (which I think is pretty normal for men), but he points women he finds attractive out on the street - as I’m bisexual - but he does it so regularly and even comments on their bodies. Which makes me feel like shit. His ex is literally a model and I feel like he thinks I’m a downgrade looks-wise
I don’t know how to bring this up to him. I genuinely really like him, he’s such a perfect guy who’s very considerate in every other way, so I want to fix this.

Episode 13 - Penny wants to finish with her boyfriend Reed but feels she can't dump him near Valentine's Day. Meanwhile, Dave convinces himself that his new girlfriend Lindsay is about to end their relationship when she has no intention of doing so, and Alex has an encounter with the law on her way to a raucous party in a dodgy part of town. Unfortunately for Brad, his hopes for a perfect night out with Jane are scuppered.
Episode 14 - Dave's father comes to town to introduce his new girlfriend, who turns out to be Penny's mother, Dana. Alex decides to adopt a pet parrot that turns out to be not so charming. Alex enlists Brad and Max's help, as she is convinced the Chinese restaurant next door is a front for a brothel.

I wrote this party as a form of therapy and partly to have it read on okop. Love you guys!!!! You are all awesome! Especially Sofia! She made the podcast whole!!!
About 2 years ago I couldn’t find a place to live and ran out of money paying to live in air bnbs after moving back to the East cost. I was taken advantage by my cousins, I paid the equivalent of $1800 in work a month for a tiny room to live in while also expected to cook and clean 2 hours a day but I refused to do that part.
I had managed to get out of that situation and get my own 1 bedroom apartment and it cost only $1350 a month. A year later I needed help again. My mom who lives 3000 miles away asked my aunt to help me out. My mom had taken off work to help care for my grandpa so she was strapped for cash. My mom told me that my aunt had her old home still with a friend living there and that she would let me live there. But when I talked to her I was told that “you burnt every bridge when you claimed squatters rights and trashed their home.” I was appalled! And heart broken that people were just believing these lies. I had no idea anyone was even taking about me. I was taken advantage of? That’s how I burnt every bridge?????? So I posted this on Facebook
My cousin and her husband took advantage of me when I needed help. They OFFERED. They were my family. I worked my ass off to be treated like a servant (someone has a birthday in the home? I got him a present then They went out to eat without inviting me because I wasn’t considered family to them) I didn’t say anything. I just did what I was told until it became too much. It’s so sad that his fragile ego couldn’t take my criticism when he ADMITTED without me asking that he was testing me. Apparently a test from a book on war. The test is to see how much someone will sacrifice themselves for you with nothing in return. So I was treated like something to sacrifice not like family. And because I refused to sacrifice everything of myself and when I found out I condemned him for his actions He Literally tried to throw me out on the street. I Worked over 30 hours a week for him for a tiny room, while putting 3,000 miles on my car a month. While paying for my own food. I tried so hard because I thought his intentions were pure. In the end I didn’t complain to anyone about this but my mom and sister. Because I’m not that type of person. It was over. I didn’t want to ever think about it again. But recently I was told that I burned every bridge when I claimed squatters rights. Which didn’t happen. I claimed living rights. I didn’t want to be there but I HAD NO WHERE ELSE TO GO and I was working 30 hours a week for him! I was there for 1 day when I wasn’t working for him before I left. 1 DAY! So I was completely taken advantage and this is how I burned every bridge?? The only thing I did wrong was trusting them. I thought they loved me, I helped raise their children and loved them like my own. He WAS MY ONLY FATHER FIGURE GROWING UP. He knew how I felt about him and he completely took advantage of that. So I’m putting my side out there. Because I didn’t even know that any of them were talking shit to people.
Also important note my mom let her and her husband and 3 young kids live in our house for FREE FOR 4 YESRS!!! 20 years ago.
My mom was able to get my asshole father to pay for a down payment on a car for me to live in by taking the cash without permission lol and telling him the money was for her.
I do instacart for work so I really needed that car. I was going to just try to save enough for a room to rent but decided I was done working paycheck to paycheck. I currently am living in my car while saving every cent I would have spent on rent and utilities.
My mom called me yesterday 2 months after the post on Facebook to tell me how upset she was. She told me that after the Facebook post the whole family started talking about me and how I should be able to take care of myself by now. Even though they have no idea what I’ve been through.
(Necessary context) For years my chronic illness, EDS short for Elhers Danlos syndrome, was really bad. At one point I was completely Bed ridden. My boyfriend of 6 years was amazing and became my full time caregiver while working part time to pay for my pain medication. This went on for about a year. I then found a new doctor that put me on a new medication that changed my life. I was able to brush my hair again! I was able to walk again! I was able to work again! Before this new doctor I was looking into getting a wheel chair and filing for disability! Everything was perfect for a few months. Then my bf developed schizophrenia. We were living with my mom for all of this. With in a few months I went from being taken care of by my bf to being his full time caregiver. It took him about 1.5 years to stabilize. Though all this we were working doordash and instacart because neither of us could keep a full time job. When we moved out of my moms place back to the East cost we thought we could just keep working gig jobs but after the pandemic people wanted to go out to eat and shop for themselves. We tried to get real jobs but with out any recent regular work history or references it was really hard. On top of that any job I could get was either part time or lied to me about being full time!! That is the gist of our problems with paying for a place to live.
So back to the main story. My mom told me that her 6 siblings were contacting her one by one to tell her to cut me off. (She had been helping me financially as much as she could for years now) There was a reason my mom lives 3000 miles away and it was to get away from these assholes. The only reason she had contact with them was to coordinate care for my grandfather. Until recently I thought at least some of them were good people. They told her that I was almost 30 years and should be able to care for myself. I had never received help from any of these people! And only ever asked for help from one of them once! I didn’t understand why any of them even cared. Did I make them feel some type of way with my post that talked shit about none of them? (Unless calling out someone for talking shit is talking shit) it’s not like she had been giving me money instead of any of them. The 2nd Best part of the story is the hypocrisy. 3 my cousins, all from different parents, still live with their parents! And they’re all older then me! But no one has a problem with that? My mom asked her brother why it was ok that his daughter was still living with him? My uncle said it was because she has 3 children. My mom then asked him why she should abandon me for not having children I couldn’t afford? Great burn mom! Now this is the best part!! After telling me all of this she says that she wants to pay off my car for me. I was going to wind up paying 20 grand for a 10 grand car because of my lack of credit. So I guess thank you to everyone that told her to cut me off! Because it has only seem to inspire her to help me more!!!
Ps: my mom is writing a book that already has 3 publishers trying to sign her! Exposing all the reasons she moved across the county to get away from all of them. Go her!!!

Vent/Rant.
Just received my “we’ve decided to explore other candidates…” dear John letter (email) from SNHU for an adjunct slot. Here are just a few of my qualifications:
GRADUATE of SNHU (same exact program even..) with a perfect 4.0 GPA. President’s List EVERY semester. A FINALIST (1 of 5 out of more than 100) to deliver the COMMENCEMENT SPEECH at SNHU. SNHU Distinguished Graduate award.
A Masters Degree in the same program from Johns Hopkins University- where I AGAIN earned a perfect 4.0 GPA.
Five years of teaching adults - both classroom and field.
First-generation college graduate. 27-year military vet. Senior Enlisted Advisor to the Commander. (all of which equips me to help first-gen and military personnel navigate and succeed in a college setting)
Ten Years of actual boots on the ground experience in the field of study.
Letter of Recommendation from the DIRECTOR of my program at Johns Hopkins.
Published author.
Trust me, the list of quals goes on.
So what does it say about SNHU when one of their own absolutely crushes it by all accounts and then can’t even get a frickin look for a gig that pays for shit???
I mean wtaf? Do you have to cure cancer or something? What are these universities doing???
Tells me exactly how much SNHU values their degree programs.
Beer.
F-it… Whiskey!

DISCLAIMER: This respectful and civil debate is oriented towards muslims. For the sake of the moderators time and also the readers I will only list 5 problems I've found. But don't worry I have 20 more to post if this post has more traffic!
According to the Quran, Jesus was a prophet of Islam, his followers were Muslims and the gospel is the inspired preserved authoritative word of Allah. But when we go to our earliest records, we find Jesus claiming to be the Divine Son of God who would die on the cross for sins and rise from the dead. Jesus followers proclaimed him as their Risen Lord, the gospel that Christians have been reading for nearly 2,000 years tells us that "Anyone who claims to be a prophet, rejects Jesus death, resurrection and deity is a false prophet and an antichrist" - 1 John 2:22, a verse to remember.
Problem 1. Earlier Records for Paul's Life than for Muhammad's Life - Our records of Paul's life are much earlier than our records of Muhammad's life. And here I don't just mean that Paul came centuries before Muhammad and so we have earlier sources for Paul's life, I mean that when we talk about the teachings and deeds of Paul the biographical sources we use are much closer to the events they report than the biographical sources we use when we talk about the teachings and deeds of Muhammad. Our earliest biographical sources on Paul were written during the lifetime of Paul. The book of Acts for example was written in the early 60s before Paul was martyred, and it was written by a traveling companion of Paul who was an eyewitness to many of the details he reports. We also have numerous letters written by Paul himself. Our earliest detailed biographical source on Muhammad is the sirah (biographical literature), especially the work of Ibn Ishaq (d. 768) which was written more than a century after Muhammad's death. And we don't even have what Ibn Ishaq actually wrote. We have an Abridged version that was sanitized by a later scholar and we shouldn't forget that many Muslims don't trust Ibn Ishaq. When Muslims quote stories about Muhammad, they're usually getting their information from sources like Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, which were written two centuries after the time of Muhammad.
Problem 1.1. But it gets worse... The main reason for composing works like Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim was that Muslims were composing so many false stories about Muhammad, people didn't know what to believe. Scholars like Bukari decided that they needed to collect stories they thought were accurate in order to distinguish them from the ever increasing supply of false narrations. Now if Muslims during the time of Bukhari were inventing stories about Muhammad, what about the generation before that, and the generation before that..? And the generation before that? Two centuries is a lot of time to make things up, that's why it's always good to have sources written within the lifetime of the person you want to know about or at least within the lifetimes of the eyewitnesses. When we learn about Paul we learn about him through first generation eyewitness accounts. When we learn about Muhammad, we learn about him through late sources written by people who didn't know him, whose parents didn't know him and whose grandparents didn't know him. People who were fishing for historical facts in a sea of fabrication and deception. A few years ago the crumbling historical foundations for the life of Muhammad led the Islamic scholar Muhammad Sven Kalisch to conclude that Muhammad probably never existed. I don't agree with Dr Kalisch's conclusion about Muhammad's existence, but when even Muslim Scholars are starting to recognize how difficult it's become to take Muslim sources seriously our confidence in the historical Muhammad vanishes.
Problem 2. Paul Was a brillian scholar; Muhammad Was Not - The Apostle Paul was a brilliant scholar who defended his views in Athens, the intellectual capital of the ancient world, and in other major cities. He had discussions with the Stoic and Epicurian philosophers of his day and he could quote their sources to them. Even Anthony Flu, one of the 20th Century's most impressive critics of Christianity, said that the Apostle Paul possessed a first class philosophical mind. Muhammad by contrast was an illiterate 7th Century Caravan Trader. Now being an illiterate 7th Century Caravan Trader doesn't make you wrong, just as being a brilliant scholar doesn't make you right. But when we're dealing with claims about history and theology and various other topics having some sort of education helps. Not having an education leaves you open to obviously false revelations because you don't know enough to recognize them as false. This is why we find Muhammad telling his followers that Dhul-Qarnain traveled so far west he found the place where the sun sets, and that stars are missile that Allah uses to shoot demons, and that semen is formed between the backbone and the ribs. These are exactly the sort of absurdities we would expect from someone who has no clue what he's talking about, and who therefore has no clue whether his revelations line up with reality.
Problem 3. Paul knew the Old Testament; Muhammad Did Not - The Apostle Paul was a Pharisee who studied under Rabban Gamaliel II, one of the greatest Jewish rabbis of the first century. Paul knew the Old Testament inside and out which is why he quotes the Old Testament so frequently in his writings. This is important because Jesus claimed to fulfill a variety of Old Testament prophecies and you can't really examine this claim if you don't know what the Old Testament says. Muhammad was almost completely ignorant of the Old Testament because his knowledge of the Jewish scriptures was limited to what he heard in conversations. Not surprisingly despite Muhammad's numerous interactions with Jews in Arabia the Quran contains very few quotations from the Old Testament. Due to his ignorance of the scriptures Muhammad couldn't tell the difference between stories that were in the Torah and therefore divine revelation and stories from later Jewish writings and commentaries some of which were so late and so obviously fabricated they weren't far beyond the level of bedtime stories. Imagine how amusing it must be for someone who specializes in Jewish literature, to read the Quran and find so many fables being presented to Muslims as Revelation. Cain being taught how to bury the dead by a raven (al-Ma`idah (The Table, The Table Spread) 5:31), Solomon listening to a speech by an ant (Surah An-Naml - 15-25). But Muhammad just didn't know enough to distinguish scripture from non-scripture. Muhammad's ignorance of the Old Testament is also noteworthy because, like Jesus, he claimed to fulfill Old Testament prophecies. If Muhammad had been more knowledgeable of the Torah, he would have known that he couldn't possibly be a prophet for numerous reasons. For instance:
Problem 3.1 Muslim sources report that Muhammad once delivered what are now called "The Satanic Verses" to his followers. These verses promoted prayers to three pagan goddesses, Al-Lat and Al-'Uzza and Manat (Surah 53:19-20). Muhammad bowed down in honor of these polytheistic verses and his followers bowed down with him. But a little later Gabriel confronted Muhammad about his sin, Muhammad confessed in the history of AT-TABARI 6:111. So Muhammad admitted that he delivered a revelation that didn't really come from God. Why is this important? Well in Deuteronomy 18:20 "God declares but a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods is to be put to death".
Problem 3.2 Muslims claim that they respect Moses, but if Muhammad had delivered "The Satanic Verses" during the time of Moses, Moses would have ordered the people to pick up stones and stone him to death as the most obvious false prophet in history. Muhammad didn't realize this due to his lack of familiarity with the Jewish scriptures.
Problem 4. Paul Was a Contemporary of Jesus Muhammad was not - The apostle Paul was a contemporary of Jesus and he spent much of his time in first century Israel, this put Paul in a perfect position to gain accurate historical information about Jesus. If you want reliable information about a person it's pretty helpful being a member of the person's own generation. And Paul was right there. Muhammad was born more than half a millennium after Jesus death in a completely different country. Since he couldn't read, apart from Divine Revelation his knowledge of Jesus was limited to whatever stories were popular in 7th Century Arabia. This is why when we read the Quran we find so many stories about Jesus that are known to be forgeries. Mary giving birth under a palm tree Surah Maryam - 16-26, Jesus preaching when he was still a baby Surat Maryam [19:29-34], Jesus giving life to clay birds Surah Al-Ma'idah - 110. We know where these stories come from, and they don't come from the first century.
Problem 5. Paul Spoke the Relevant Lanugaes Muhammad Didn't - The Apostle Paul was fluent in Hebrew Aramaic and Greek. All of the languages necessary for understanding the Old Testament, the claims of Jesus and the earliest Christian writings. Muhammad couldn't speak any of the relevant languages so any attempt to understand the Old Testament, the claims of Jesus, or the earliest Christian writings would have required the help of interpreters. I normally wouldn't bring this up as a problem, but since Muslims are obsessed with reading the Quran in the original Arabic, we can only assume that the writings of Moses, the teachings of Jesus and the writings of Jesus followers can only be understood in the original languages. Paul could do that, Muhammad couldn't. Muhammad's ignorance of the original languages leads to further problems: For example the Quran refers to the book revealed through, Jesus as the "Injil", but the Arabic word Injil is ultimately derived from the Greek word "Evangelion" meaning good news. So according to the Quran the book, revealed through Jesus was written in Greek, this makes absolutely no sense if Jesus was only sent to his fellow Jews as Islam claims, but it makes perfect sense if Jesus message was for the rest of the world as well since Greek was the international language of the time. Interestingly the New Testament gospels were written in Greek, exactly what we would expect given the quran's use of the term Injil, but quite unexpected given Muhammad's notion of Jesus life and mission, not to mention Muhammad's conviction that Revelations can't be translated. Quite hypocritical indeed.

I am not a perfect person and I really ask people to be nice and not rude towards me.
I cheated on my boyfriend and its a stupid reason but ive been hurt so much by exes in the past i was scared he would be like it himself.. but he wasnt and i realise now he is the only person I want to be with.
I want to fix things and there have been a lot of bumps.
Ive said things out of fear myself and he is scared I will accuse him of things and I wouldnt but he has trust issues so it's really hard.
I have cut off friends and now hes basically the only person i really talk to.
We are both trying to get therapy/counselling but at the moment he is really scared and I understand why but I am really hurting myself. I can barely live with myself and I do get awful thoughts and have harmed myself due to what I have done.
I see myself as a monster cause even though I just want to be a good person my fears, trauma and anxiety really affect things. I know by making this post i am really opening the doors to harassment but i feel like i deserve it.
I know I am young (20 and hes nearly 25) but ive made a lot of mistakes I just wanna get better from. But I also know he is the person I want to be with, if i cannot fix things with him I know I will be alone for the rest of my life cause I just cant see myself with someone else.
I like to express myself through music, Its how i express myself way better due to finding it hard to express my feelings sometimes. The best song to describe how i feel a lot is "Wired For Worthless" by citizen soldier.. well a lot of their music i relate to.
A lot of people hate me for what i have done and i understand.. i just wish people would understand my side too. theres no excuse for what i did, just explanations but ofc people will be biased.. they see the word cheat and immediately run away and hate you. but i am a broken person myself who just needs help and really to quote another song "Just sit in my shadows with me".. i just want to be listened to and not judged.. im crying as im typing out this post cause i just feel lost and scared and alone ;w;

This is going to be a long post about my sister. For the past 2 years my sister has been ruining her life. When she turned 16 she started dating this guy we'll call Caleb. Caleb was a toxic piece of shit and put his hands on her, gave her bruises etc. We told her to break up with him and press charges she did break up with him but did not press charges.
About 2 months pass and she says she's dating a new guy which is funny enough also named Caleb. We didn't think anything of it really. But she never really brings him around, shows us pictures anything. Well eventually she gets in a little fender bender with another car on the road, and on the insurance has the last name of her first toxic piece of boyfriend, she lied and said she wanted us to give him another chance and that there's good in him, well considering she had been lying to us for 10 months while also having a huge attitude the entire time, anytime anyone asks her to do anything or even interact with her she just goes off the handle for no reason.
Anyway, my Mom BLEW up. This was 2 weeks before she turned 18 and she had been talking alot of shit up to it saying how when she turns 18 she's gonna be outta here, that she can't wait to leave this household where we never support her (for dating Caleb) and that she can make it on her own and have her own apartment etc. My mom told her to pack her shit and leave then, and she left and moved in with Caleb's mother.
This is where she just went downhill, she started hanging out with people that ran car takeovers, caught multiple charges for speeding, alcohol possession, disturbing the peace etc. She was hanging out with people that were doing meth, coke and popping pills and apparently gangs, though I don't believe that. She got random tattoos just because someone asked her to, maxed out credit cards and eventually lost her car when it stopped working. This is when its shown that Caleb never even wanted her and has been cheating on her with another girl, and now that her car is gone he doesn't want my sister around. So she ended up moving back in home but we told her this shit can NOT follow you and that lifestyle ends if she comes back, she said ok.
Well she still had her nasty attitude, if you talked to her she would just blow up because she was busy, or she'll do it when she feels like it or she doesn't care how you feel about how she does something etc. Just being a general unpleasant person. We told her nope you need to go to therapy or figure out something to work on your anger issues and mental issues, cause she's diagnosed bipolar and with bpd. Well she did get into therapy but did not want to take medicine. She ended up a few months later having a mental breakdown where I ended up taking her to the mental health emergency room.
It. Was. Miserable. Anytime a nurse talked to her she would try to tell them how to do their job, was harrassing them saying she's been here for 30 minutes and she feels like she's not prioritizing her etc. When the psychiatrist finally comes and gets her, she comes back immediately 2 minutes later saying that the psychiatrist is a bitch and she's not going to let her speak to her like that and I need to come in there right now or she's going to go off. So I go in there and she's saying the psychiatrist is saying that she can't have her phone back in voluntary confinement and she's saying that it's illegal to take my phone and that I need it as an anxiety tool and the psychiatrist was explaining hippa and stuff and she was trying to explain how hippa works to the doctor!! So she ended up declining voluntary confinement because she couldn't keep her phone. We ended up just getting prescribed Remeron and Ativan as a rescue.
We ended up going home and I made sure she took the medicine for the first 3 days, but then after that she stopped. Just stopped taking it and this is how she always is with any medicine, any medicine she gets prescribed she either doesn't take it, looks up the side effects and convinces herself she is feeling it, literally psyching herself out. She told me multiple times how she just doesn't take medicine she gets prescribed because she doesn't trust whats in it, but she'll go to a smoke shop and buy any random non regulated pre roll right off the shelf and put that in her body no problem.
Well she started complaining that Caleb was trying to contact her again through abunch of random phone numbers, making new numbers or emails whatever just to contact her. This was because she was talking to the person Caleb was cheating on her with talking shit about him and she was telling him. She called the cops the first time because he said he was outside the house. She called them again because she said he was outside her bedroom window with a weapon looking in at her window (checked the cameras, nothing). She ended up going to get a restraining order took out on him
We told her either stop talking to this person, or move out. She said okay she'll stop... but a week and a half later she comes in my room panicing saying call the cops that Caleb is threatening her and she can't because she's ON THE PHONE WITH HIM, AND ON A FACETIME CALL WITH THE EX AND SOME RANDOM PERSON. I called the police for her, and they showed up. This whole time my sister is egging him on, saying she doesn't care and that she can do what she wants because freedom of speech. He says gonna come to our house and get us (Me and my Mother) to tell us what's going on then. She says no you won't and surprise surprise, the crazy dude shows. About 10 minutes after the cops did, my sister was talking to them this entire time and when he rolled up, she ran inside crying saying he was gonna kill her.
Well the cops just ended up talking to him for a little bit and he ended up leaving, but me and my mom are so done. She won't get help, she won't take medicine, she can't hold down a job because of her attitude, she's gone through 7 jobs since she was 16, and it's always because her managers supposedly target her, even though the things she tells us are very.. normal workplace things. She lies about everything, she lied and told us she would stop talking to Caleb, she lied and said she would stop talking to her ex, she lied and said she would take her medicine this time (stopped after day 3), she lies and lies and lies.
What can I do to help her at this point? She ended up leaving to calm down at a friends and came back for a bit to get come stuff and we ended up arguing. She saying she wishes she never met caleb, all her problems are because of him, and that we never support her through it. I told her I literally took her to mental health emergency 2 weeks ago, she says that doesn't have to do with Caleb. She just said all her problems are because of him? I said we told you to stop talking to Tiffany and you didn't. "Well, it's because me and her were both abused by Caleb, she's the only person in the world that knows my Trauma I need her", so she admits to her lying. She went to the magistrates office after the cops left and had her friends clip together audio recording of Caleb saying he was going to kill her or harm her in some way and put out charges on him, so she falsified charges.
I don't know how else to help her. We told her we're evicting her but I really want to believe there's some other way. Because of her lifestyle, I've fully accepted that I'm probably going to get a call within the next 10 years saying she died in some way. But I don't want my sister to die, I want to help her in some way. What should I do?

I'm 25 years old, never have I gone a day without suicidal thoughts. But I have held myself back from actually committing suicide because everyone I know says it's a selfish thing to do. And I'm scared of turning myself into a vegetable from a failed attempt. I understand everyone's perspective, I 100% do, and I respect it. I don't personally agree with it, because I understand why some people choose to commit suicide. But whatever.
But 25 years of life and I am just feeling so lonely. Like such an outcast. I have wasted my entire life, I have no positive prospects in life, I'm addicted to a benzo prescribed to me by a psychiatrist. I feel like such a loser and I'm tired of it. Ever since I graduated high school I've felt like a loser who never did enough, never will amount to anything.
I have a boyfriend, but he has dealt with me for over 4 years and he is sick of it. He hasn't said it but I can tell. He is getting depressed too and I think it's probably because he realizes he can't "fix" me. And I can't even make him feel better either. I know he would be heartbroken if I died, and ESPECIALLY if I killed myself, but he is worth so much and he deserves someone better. He's a perfect man in my eyes, I wouldn't blame him if he even saw other women. But of course I don't want to traumatize him with my suicide. He does always makes me feel better, but he lives across the world. And I don't want to burden him anymore with my problems. I've been thinking about moving there but I am thinking I might cause everyone there more problems with my presence.
So I'm just supposed to deal with this and become more and more depressed the older I get? I am inclined to push everyone away, even intentionally become homeless so I don't bother my family anymore. I was even thinking about running away to Yellowstone National Park and jumping in one of those steaming hot natural pools to kill myself while no one is around, so my body and bones get disintegrated and no one has to get traumatized by seeing a dead body. And no one would even know where I was. Sure it would be an extremely painful death for me, but at least everyone else would be alright. (If I managed to do it without any witnesses)
I've contemplated so much on how to do it with leaving as little traumatized people as possible. But fucking goddamn it's nearly impossible.

I (17M) have never had a girlfriend. Every day and night I fantasise about meeting someone. Someone that truly cares about me, truly loves me. But so far no girl has ever shown any interest in me. I know about 20 girls my age, and speak to them regularly. Yet not a single one has ever seen me as more than a friend. I’m pretty good at making them laugh, I try my hardest to be thoughtful, compassionate and kind. But some of them even go so far as to tell me that they would never date someone like me.
It sucks because I know I could be a great boyfriend, I know I could make someone happy. But the universe just seems hell bent on making sure I’m never able to prove that to anyone else.
I’m tired of spending every night alone. I’m tired of not having someone that really cares for me, and that I can care for in return. I want to slowly get closer over time. I want to be called cute. I want to cuddle up and watch a movie together.
I watch/read romance media in the hopes that it can fill the emptiness I feel. But it always just makes me feel worse, so why do I do it to myself? I end up getting jealous of these fictional characters. Why is their life so perfect? Why don’t I get to be young and fall in love while living in some picturesque little seaside village?
People always tell me to take my time, tell me that I’ll find the right girl for me and I just need to be patient. That’s easy for them to say. Sure, MAYBE I’ll meet someone in the future, but that doesn’t help the loneliness I feel now. I’ll be an adult very soon, all my dreams of young love are rapidly becoming more and more unlikely.
For so long I’ve felt like I’m not living, just surviving. Biding my time until things finally get better. But I don’t see an end in sight. My entire life consists of Collegework, my job and going to cadets. It’s just the same thing every single week. And it’s been like this for years. I want to see the world, but I’m trapped in this disgusting Northern English industrial town.
Every time I see a happy couple my age it just hurts, it’s a reminder of the life I could’ve been living if I was different somehow.

okk guys so, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me three days ago, because he didn't had time to accord me and didn't wanted me to suffer.
the broke up were really intense, both of us cried, he said he loves me, will always and is so sorry, that i am literally perfect but he thinks it's the best thing to do for him bc of his professional career.
the same night of the broke up he told his friend he thought he made a mistake by leaving me, that he loves me and regrets.
BUT, the day after, he deleted our photos of his insta, our tiktok etc so i decided to unfollow him bc if not, i will be checking his profile every two seconds so i decided to unfollow.
Now i completely deleted insta and tiktok to be sure not to check because i didn't want to block him.
I try to manifest him and his come back but i really have fears that he could be talking to girls or even not come back at all (even tho we moved together so he's gonna come to take his stuffs left) but like not in a relationship with me.
So do you guys have any tips? to manifest his come back and really IGNORE the 3D and remove bad thoughts?
tyyy XXX

okk guys so, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me three days ago, because he didn’t had time to accord me and didn’t wanted me to suffer.
the broke up were really intense, both of us cried, he said he loves me, will always and is so sorry, that i am literally perfect but he thinks it’s the best thing to do for him bc of his professional career.
the same night of the broke up he told his friend he thought he made a mistake by leaving me, that he loves me and regrets.
BUT, the day after he deleted our photos of his insta, our tiktok etc so u decided to unfollow him bc if not, i will be checking his profile every two seconds so i decided to unfollow.
Now i completely deleted insta and tiktok to be sure not to check because i didn’t want to block him.
I try to manifest him and his come back but i really have fears that he could be talking to girls or even not come back at all ( even tho we moved together so he’s gonna come to take his stuffs left) but like not in a relationship with me.
So do you guys have any tips ? to manifest his come back and really IGNORE the 3D and remove bad thoughts ?
tyyy xxx

Hello! Please be kind before giving any advice. I’m very stressed out and in a desperate need of advice. I will try and keep this as short as possible.
Me and my boyfriend are going through a rough patch. I found some messages on his phone. He wasn’t cheating in anyway, but the way him and his friends would talk about other women was gross and way too sexual for someone in a relationship. Then I found out he broke my boundaries and still kept in contact with someone that he use to like/ tried to h/u with multiple times. But he said he didn’t think he still liked her cause he lost feelings about a month before we got together.
His compliments towards me don’t feel the same cause I know any girl he finds attractive will also get them.
I do really love him because besides he was a great boyfriend. He did everything I asked with no hesitation, he’s loving, caring, romantic. He quite literally checks off all my boxes. We had the perfect relationship for a little over a year till this. We talked about marriage and our future together. But after all this I’m unsure.
I really do love him and I still want to marry him one day and have a future and do all that, but after this, I’m not sure anymore. I still love him very much, but I don’t get those ‘butterflies’ anymore or have that ‘in love’ type feeling, but I still deeply love and care for him. But I want to feel ‘in love’ again. I don’t want to mentally check out of the relationship. I’m scared I won’t get those feelings back again. I want to be able to trust him 100% again and feel like how I use to feel.
We just got back from college so money is tight as we figure out our job situation, so I haven’t been on any dates yet which I don’t mind because I understand, but he really is trying to change and he wants to fix things. He admits his faults, knows where he is wrong, he says he really doesn’t want to lose me. He understands my feelings, etc. He really doesn’t want to break up nor do I.
So my issue is, how do I fall back in love with him? How do I trust him? I really want this to work and I want to be with him and he wants to put in the work to fix this. We both just don’t know what to do. Is there like exercises we can do? Idk.
If anyone has any advice, pls list them. Pls be kind too guys. Thanks in advanced for any advice.

HI, I WAS INITIALLY GOING TO WRITE ALL IN CAPS BUT MY MIND CAN'T HANDLE IT. So, I've noticed a few weird things lately, the sim is using all of my RAM, CPU and GPU. Also all of my fans are at full power, even the ones in the bedroom (where my wife and her boyfriend sleep). I have also noticed that the AI is omniscient and have perfect aim. The Kola map have many areas with no detail and the F-15 have many systems unfinished. The Mi-8 for instance, have no wheels or cockpit walls when you peek out of the window. It feels like I'm playing, I mean simulating, a beta, when we all now that it is a complete game. Have anyone experienced anything like this?

My sister and I havent been in good terms since Easter. Im mad and disappointed at her for different reasons but the ones that weight the most are her living with my mom who is disable and not giving her any money for the bills/food and her not respecting my relationship with my boyfriend.
I love her dearly but her attitude makes me feel so sad and also pissis me off at the same time. It makes me mad that she is disrespectful to my mom but yet is living with her rent free. My mom isn't the easiest person to live with but at the end of the day its her house and she makes the rules and it has always been like that ever since we were kids. She shows tough love but isn't a bully as my sister portraits her. My sister doesnt belive in showing respect unless respect is shown to her but yet she forgets my mom is still letting her stay there and shares food with her (but my sister doesnt share food with my mom) I hate that she is there and doesnt want to help with anything and my mom just lets her because she feels she cant force her to do otherwise (Ive told her she can take legal action but she just wants to sell her house and move instead) Aside from that what saddens me is that she belives that I choose my boyfriend over her. She's my only sibling and I love her to death but I'm also not going to break up with him just cause she doesn't like him. She hasn't even gotten to know him but she doesn't feel like she has to. She says she just has a feeling about him and that she sees something dark in him (even though Ive never felt unconditional love before him nor how it feels for a partner to support you in every way possible. He's definitely not a perfect human but who is?) I would love to go and celebrate her birthday with her because I dont want to look back to regret that I didn't but I also cant fake and pretend that everything is fine. A part of me just wants to call her to wish her a happy birthday and send her $20 for a meal but another part wants to take it to her but Im afraid she's going to reject it and that shit is just going to hurt more..

“My boyfriend can’t hear anyone in game chat. Xbox party chat is fine. On Halo Infinite, he can hear us with in game chat. So we switched to anothebackup account on D2 using the same Xbox, and he can hear us perfectly. It’s just his main account. We can hear him fine, but he just can’t hear us. All settings on Xbox, his profile, his bungie profile, D2 settings, etc etc they all match ours. And yet… we’re at a loss here. We feel like we’ve tried everything. Can anyone offer any other solutions? We’re going to message Bungie via the affected account but we’re stumped. 😩”