It was said. There is no going back now. The damage was done. All the promises made. The time spent in each others arms. The late night movies, the good morning calls. All of it. Gone. The words can’t be unsaid. The hurt can’t be unfelt. The wound can’t be sewn. You were my everything. I would have gone through so much hurt to shield you from the pain that was right in front of you. I did. But the words are out now. I tried so hard for so long to pretend it didn’t hurt. I tried to pretend like it wasn’t eating away at me inside. I wanted you but there was no you without her. The life I was waiting for was nothing but a fairy tale, told to a child who didn’t understand how she could love someone so intensely and it still not be enough. Kids grow up on Disney movies. That’s the first view into “true love” they have. There are hard times but in the end everything works out for love. For true love. Disney fucking lied. And this is no fairy tale. Reality isn’t so pretty and it isn’t wrapped up in a nice little bow. He was Prince Charming. He was intelligent, gorgeous, and the perfect gentleman. He cared about you, was there for you, loved you. He was everything you had ever hoped for. He was perfect. But here’s the part Disney doesn’t show you. He got comfortable. He stopped trying as hard. As time went on and things became tougher, he wasn’t your Prince Charming anymore. He doesn’t show you the same care. The same interest. The same intensity of love and longing and passion. The late night movies stop. The good morning calls stop. The fire he once had in his eyes for you stop. Life has beaten him down and down and down until he had no fight left to give. A piece of him died. And it took the best piece of you with it. Broken, depressed, scared, sad, confused, on how something so beautiful could cut so god damn deep. But he’s not all gone. That love remains. The embers are still there. A glimpse of who he was, who you were, who they were. Just enough to hold on. Hold on and pray that those days would come back. That one day you would open your eyes and he was there. Just as loving. Just as caring. Just as perfect as he once was. Your Prince Charming had come home. But this isn’t a fairy tale. Those pieces are gone and that little girl is devastated. Crying on the floor left wondering why, WHY? Why? But there’s no going back now. The damage is done. The fighting has stopped. It’s over. It’s really over. He’s gone.

Everything you did was always out of your control. You never held yourself accountable for your own actions. Maybe it was "a bad day" or "you were was so stressed that you forgot" but in 3 years I only ever got a decent apology once for you constantly screaming at me during our arguments. Your mother is a raging narcissist so you didn't even want me to usher the word in your presence. Everytime you hurt me and I asked you to change the things that made me feel small you always ended with "I don't want to promise you because I'm not sure I won't do it again and it will only hurt you more " knowing damn well that I would rather hear you promise me and see you fail trying instead of not even committing to it in the first place. It always made me feel like you were still trying to give yourself an excuse again when you did the same shit over and over again. You often said "You can't expect me to change over night, it takes time" even when I asked you for small things like hanging up my towel after showering because you put yours on the drying rack and mine crumbled up on the washing machine. You don't need weeks to show consideration for other when your brain works in a normal way that understands affection and appreciation. When I was down or annoyed because you treated me bad it was always me who apparently didn't have his emotions under control. Everytime you did something wrong or selfish it was always my fault. You often said things like "I was afraid how you would react so I got scared and stressed" so I had to apolizige to you for your own behaviour. For 3 years I always apologized, got more angry, aggressive and turned into a person I wouldn't even want to have around myself. Your friends tell you I'm being overdramatic and crazy because you never tells them how unappreciated you made me feel. You only mention the things that triggered me at specific moments and downplayed them because without context they didn't seem that grand. You never had anyone als close as me in your life who would see the real you, relied on you and would hold you accountable for your own actions. Most of your friendships are just texting every few days, talking over discord every few weeks or meeting up with a different person out of a pool of 20 twice a week to go to Burger King. Every time it came up you started crying and screaming that these people are your family. When we talked about things that hurt me you always cried to try to somehow end the conversation and when I mentioned the things at a later time you accused me of "Starting over again" because in your mind the topic was finished. Because my feelings didn't matter and your promise to maybe do better should be enough for me. You didn't care how anxious and lonely it made me feel. You always acted as if you considered my feelings but your actions showed otherwise. At first I was sad that you replaced me in only a week but it isn't love. You want to fill the void because you are an empty husk. You have a crush on someone who has had the same trans experience as you and are a slave to your own hormones because of the testosterone indunced puberty. I feel sorry for him because you are going to hurt him as well. You can't think of others and will never be able to have genuine relationships. A lot of selfishs acts were excused by your need for polyamory and how you can love multiple people at once when you couldn't even commit to a single person to begin with. When you were broken and alone I build you up and and supported you without any conditions. Now that you broke me I get tossed aside. During the first year I couldn't even be alone for one hour a day to decompress because it made you feel rejected and alone even when you knew damn well about my ADHD induced sensory overload and hoe important it was for my mental health. My feelings didn't matter because you drowned them out with your crying and loneliness. I was foolish enough to let you. I feel genuinely sorry for you because you think you are a good person but you won't even consider your own illness because of your childhood trauma. Your own therapist isn't going to considering narcissisn because you twists your own memories into a way that fits your current feelings so you will never get the help you need and be held accountable for your own actions. How often did I hear that your friends think I'm making it all up but how would these people ever see the real you when your interactions are limited to talking on discord every few weeks, them staying over once every 3 months to go out for partying or you going to burger king to chat with them for a few hours once a month. You told me a lot of people considered you to be their best friend in the past but all you connections are shallow and artifical. Otherwise you wouldn't have broken down the second I gave you genuine affection on our third date for the first time in your life. How often did I make breakfast in bed, did your laundry, bought your groceries or picked you up from work as a surprise without you even asking and you never tried the same for me because "I just don't think of those things". You would rather stay in bed till 14:00 to watch YouTube Shorts ehome I was at worn. I gave too much for to little. I wake up in the morning with burning skin and a pressure on my chest that leaves me breathless because I imagine you with him but it will pass. Your selfishness won't. I hope you get the help you need. Goodbye.

(This is a mix of critique, book request and book review sorry I don't know what to tag properly)
I saw the red flags and ignored them anyways. This series felt like a chore to read after book one. I am very devastated I have to put this series down and not pick it back up. I was so excited to finally find something after weeks of DNFing. The first book oh man I was hooked from the start and yeah I saw all the red flags and ignored them because the rating where so high on Goodreads, but by book 2, I was over it quickly.
GROVEL....what grovel, I don't know her?
BONDS....my bond this, my bond that...AHHHH STFU pls for one second.
PLOTS HOLES.... WHERE IS THE ANGST, DRAMA and BETRAYAL?!
OLEANDER.... so insufferable, it was fine the first book but she did not change at all?
REPETITIVE, REPETITIVE, REPETITIVE....how anyone can read 5 more books of the same shit and nothing happens until the very end beats me?!
TELL, NOT SHOW.... J Bree was all about telling us that Oli is so badass, she feeling nothing, she can wipe out someone in an in an instant but there was such a lack of description it hurt. So many big movement where just glazed over like it was nothing?!
NOTHING HAPPENED....? So much was just filler fluff that wasn't actually fluff. I skimmed so so much. This 6 book series could have easily been a trilogy or duology.
I actually loved the MMCs, no complaint except I wanted more groveling and drama on there end. If you're going to write bully romance and no grovel you're on my shit list. I wanted at least one of them to betray her big time, or I wanted one of them to die. I wanted some twist and turns that were worth there weight.
TLDR: Please recommend me something better written, loved the idea of the series but the execution was bad. Bonus points for MMC like North I don't like nice guys

My STBXW (30F) left me (35M) 1.5 months ago. We have been together for 6.5 years. No kids.
Our marriage didn't start as a fairy tale, but it kept improving for the first 5.5 years.
There was no cheating, physical or substance abuse.
We were very compatible on so many levels. Never got bored of each other, never ran out of things to talk about. Laughed a lot. Going through lockdown was a breeze, since we both really enjoyed spending time together. We were best friends, true soulmates.
I was confident and secure that this bond would last a lifetime... I knew in my heart, that I would never break it. But it didn't last a lifetime. This loss of innocence is very traumatic, I don't know how to trust someone again after a deep rejection like that.
We had different views and priorities in life, which was always a source of conflict, and both of us were really stubborn.
I can't say for sure, but I think that I was a good husband. Although maybe I wasn't, since good husbands don't get abandoned. I don't drink or smoke. I earned a pretty good salary, kept in shape, always supported her career beginnings, paid for food/going out/bills/rent all those years, always had time for her and for us, found and planned new activities for us. House chores, except cooking, were equally divided. I definitely wasn't perfect and there are many things that I wish I could have done better, especially in the last year or so.
We started arguing A LOT. After about 4-5 months, serious divorce talks started, and after another 2, she completely checked out and left. I pleaded, I begged, but that just convinced her of making the right choice and made it worse. I later realized that she has grieved the relationship in those months of arguing. We both hurt each other so much mentally during that time. I can't forgive myself. It's sad how many men only see the real problems when it is too late. 80% of divorces are initiated by the wife. I really saw what our problems were when she left, I tried discussing it, promising to change, which I really meant. But it was "too little, too late".
I feel so much guilt and shame. Received a lot of support from friends and family which I didn't expect.
After she left, she liked my FB posts and we chatted for two weeks. Then it quickly dried down to divorce proceedings. She blames me for destroying our relationship and ruining everything and says that she is the victim here. Maybe she is right? I'm so devastated that I think she is probably right. The only concern is that right before all that arguing started, she read about 5 books on "toxic relationships", "narcissists", "abusers", etc.
And in the last 2 months before leaving, she was reading a book "Why men love bit**es".
It's been 1.5 months now, and all I can think about for 90% of the day is her. I deeply feel that I will never find someone like her again. The though of death is on my mind every other day. If it wasn't for my mother, I would probably end it. Signed up for therapy in two days, it's going to be my first time.
I keep asking everyone for a recovery timeline, but everyone just says "that's very individual". The most common answer seems to be 6-18 months of this purgatory. Cried literally 10 times yesterday, and twice today already. I just don't know how to move on, and most importantly, I see no reason to move on, except to save my mother from the pain of seeing me suffer and fail at life.
Please, can you share your experiences? Have you really, truly considered someone your soulmate, your best friend, and then moved on? How long will I be in this purgatory? I do remember that I was sometimes unhappy in those years. But isn't everyone on some level, occasionally unhappy in a marriage? We don't live in a fairy tale, and that's normal, right? How do I know if I am putting her on a pedestal? Sorry for so many questions.
I still consider her a good person and wish her well, although I am devastated that she left me when I felt in my heart that we would overcome anything and I would never ever abandon her.

Today is my birthday, and I've never felt this lonely. No one has wished me yet except my family over text. Last year, my ex ordered me a cake, and that was the first time someone did this for me. I still remember that day. I loved her so much. I helped her so much. But she cheated on me last year in mid-September, and since then, nothing has been going well in my life—mentally, physically, academically. I failed in all subjects in my 3rd year of MBBS. When I told her everything, she said mean things like, "Go get a life," and "All this is your karma." What kind of karma? Karma of trusting her, loving her, standing with her when no one else was there for her.
I tried many times to just talk to her, but every time, she broke my heart. And now, when I complain about all this, when I tell her she did wrong to me, she just says, "Sorry, forgive me." How can I forgive her? And how is it that easy to say sorry when you know you've crushed someone so hard?
Two days ago, when I tried to talk to her and I complained about all this, she said, "What do you want? I'm asking genuinely." I asked her, "Don't you need me?" She asked back, "Do you need me after all that?" I said, "Yes." Then I asked her, "Don't you?" She said, "I don't."
Why do people do this? Intentionally hurt someone? When you need them, you make a lot of promises, and the dumb ones trust in that. But when the need is over, you forget all the promises.
I have lost all faith in this world. Everything is just messed up. I really don't know what is going on. I wish I could just erase my existence.

Hi I'm 19 (F) and at this age i just realized that i still don't have control with my life especially now that ill be in college this school year but before anything else I love my parents and I do understand them and hopefully will still be their child in my next life but in a different lifestyle.
I came from not so middle class family but it change when the pandemic started and we've been into big financial crisis and was in big debt (up until now actually ) leaving me in no choice but to get what we can afford not what I want. I still remember how my mother got mad at me when I told them I wanted to be an architect and try to study in UST or Mapua whyy?? because they said we couldn't afford and everything and randomly gonna bring it up and end up getting mad and sayong a bit harsh words lol, and as far as i can remember they distant themselves to me after that and as devastated i was i try my best not to cry in front of them and start accepting it (cried for months bcs of this, still hurts lol)
After a few months when college start accepting applicants for their University (Most of the Uni i applied are State U means free tuition) my mother only wanted me to apply in this University where both my siblings graduated it was fine and it's not like i have choice🥲 but i told them that i wanted to try to different universities but then again they get mad the reason?? " why would you even try to exam their if you're not even gonna attend their" "you're just wasting money" and so on but i was so eager bcs who knows if I'll pass the CET and so i sell some of my clothes so i could have my pocket money to take CET in those 2 University
Now that I passed one of the CET (really happy and grateful 🥰) as Veterinary Medicine and as a dog lover I felt hopeful that this might really be the one for me, that I might be in the veterinary field but I was wrong, my mother didn't even congratulate me when i passed instead she told me to wait for the result of the other state U i applied, then i remember when she told me that someone told her that it's EXPENSIVE to be vetmed as if she was discouraging me not to pursue vet but nowadays, there's no such thing as affordable college education riigghtt?? and it's not like this is the first time she tried to discourage me with my decision as if she is manipulating me to choose what she only wanted for me
and just then i realized that i don't get to made a decision in my own life, i get that i need to be practical but it made me realize that my parents especially my mom doesn't really care about what makes me happy rather just focus on what and where we can lessen the expense
I was sad but really had no choice but to deal with this. I wasn't able to be in my dream University in my dream course remembering i dont even know that the course they wanted me to pursue exist lol.
this is just the summary lol I'll be posting a part 2 lol

My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, so crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.

Yes, it’s exactly what you read in the title. I think I have feelings for guy I haven’t met in person. So, a few years ago, I matched with a guy on Tinder. He and I have each other’s social medias, but not one another’s phone numbers. We’ve been messaging each other for a few years on Snapchat until recently.
He and I are close in age,early twenties, and from the same state. He goes to a college a few states away, so we’ve never met in person or when he was back in the same state. In the beginning of the messaging, he and I were consistent with the back and forth. There was flirting, jokes,etc.There were some points where I was more into him and he was more into me, it seemed we were never on the same page. We shared deep personal conversations and light hearted funny conversations. I think he’s really handsome, funny, intelligent, and geeky. And so much more. When I realized my feelings were strong, I tried to make the first move and invite him to my birthday celebration, he respectfully declined and explained that he wouldn’t be able to make it . He had a valid reason, he’s extremely bright(Physics Major, like Math, but Rocket Science) and got into a lab in another state for the summer, great opportunity, so I was very happy for him.
I tried to keep conversations after the fact, but it seems like I just wasn’t clicking with him like I was before. Seems like I was forcing it, and it was very one-sided on my behalf. Having feelings for somebody and having them on all your social media isn’t fun seeing them have fun and just seeing them accomplished things it truly truly makes it harder to keep my feelings to myself. I’m happy for him, but it hurts because I want to be a person that he shares this with.
Me, being states away didn’t help anything it’s not like I would be able to see him or if we pushed the boundary into being something more it would work necessarily. I had hoped though after starting more conversations, yet getting the same results of it feeling like I was bothering him, I kinda just took a break from social media. It’s been roughly 2 months since we’ve spoken. To be honest with you, I think he just forgot about me. Understandably he went to a college that was hours away. He had his friends there. I think his final year of college was this year. He probably even graduated. Which means he’s coming back to our state, his birthday is coming up and I want to spark up conversation by telling him “Happy Birthday” and maybe confessing my feelings to him, if I can’t work up the confidence to confess my feelings that is, I think I should start by offering my number and seeing where it goes from there? Hopefully, meeting him in person!
He’s a genuinely a great person, but I don’t wanna ruin anything we’ve built up to or anything we just have in general. Maybe if I like just wait it out this could just become a fleeting crush, but I don’t wanna stay with the feeling of “what if” . Any advice?

My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, do crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.

Hi, I never had a cavity in my (28f) life until 2 years ago. Then I had like 18. I had them all filled and had 2 root canals/crowns. I've always brushed my teeth in the morning and at night but I never flossed. I know it may sound dumb and like I'm making excuses (I know it's my fault) but I honestly never knew what flossing was really for. I just thought it was for discomfort of having food get stuck between your teeth so that was the only time I'd ever flossed (and not all my teeth).
So, lo and behold, all the cavities were between my teeth. It has really been bothering me mentally because I feel like I have weaker teeth now and am never comfortable. I had pain for most of the last two years because I had to switch dentists because I didn't like my first one and there was still pain after the root canal he did but he wouldn't believe me. The second dentist sent me to a specialist and there was 1 or 2 more roots (or canals?) In that tooth that needed to be drilled to have the nerves removed. After that the pain was gone but I had a lot of nerve pain for over a year because of all that.
Anyway (sorry for writing so much!), one of the first fillings that I had done 1 1/2-2 years ago hust recently chipped a little bit in the corner, so I went in and my dentist did a re-filling. He said there was decay under the filling so he did a bigger filling. It was originally a pretty small cavity and filling two years ago. That was two weeks ago and it has been hurting ever since. When I chew (I think it's too tall because it feels like it and because he rushed the appointment), and with temperature. It's giving me that nerve pain again. I have to go in and have him do something about it but I'm really hoping it just needs to be redone or something because he really really rushed the filling (my slot was mistakenly 20 minutes, including the novacaine) because I am praying that I don't have to have another root canal and crown.
I have been flossing since I found out about my cavities 2 years ago. I floss daily and usually alternate between a floss pick and water floss. I still brush my teeth every morning and night, of course, and more intently now. I take my time even more when brushing, and I brush from gums down to reduce plaque like my newer dentist told me to. All this venting to ask, is it normal to have tooth decay/a cavity under a filling that was done just 1 1/2 - 2 years ago?
p.s. since the comment asked, I don't drink alcohol or coffee, or smoke.

hi, im a 19(F) who in the past year has dealt with two ghosters who used to be my irl friends, but slowly begun to dislike me overtime for some reason - for this first ghoster, we will call them Apple and for the second ghoster, we will call her Banana for privacy reasons
so let’s start with Apple. i’ve been friends with Apple for 7 years (middle school-high school) and while we weren’t close close because of our different interests, we’ve gotten each other thoughtful and meaningful birthday gifts and talked on social media a lot — when we were seniors in high school, which was last year, after our winter break they had begun to ignore me on social media - we still saw each other irl so i thought nothing of it, but i still felt some sort of loneliness and lack of closeness from them. in may (last year) when we graduated, apple was still ignoring my messages so i decided to only text them every few months as to not bother them - around oct, i had checked one of our social media to see that they soft blocked me, and i assumed they had done so in the middle of summer sometime. they had also gotten into new interests within that time, something i actually knew about so that we could’ve had a convo - it never happened.
in nov, i had asked one of their friends if she knew how apple was doing, and the friend didn’t feel comfortable telling me (which i respected) so then on thanksgiving, i messaged apple for closure and an explanation in hopes of finally getting a response - still nothing. apple was even online, and completely ignoring and ghosting me. it really hurt me.
things soon took an invasive turn. in december, i had continued to respectfully ask apple’s other friends if they knew anything about apple ghosting me. they said no. i even offered to give one of them context via my text messages with apple, which i know now was a complete inappropriate move on my part, because even if i didn’t actually send them, i still considered sending them, which is wrong. i was desperate to find out the truth. apple unfriended me on social media for talking with their friend, but didn’t completely block me yet.
in mid january, our friendship ended. i was still feeling desperate and needing to know why apple ghosted me. so i messaged another one of their friends to ask if they knew anything about me being ghosted (i did not send anything personal). the friend had no idea but told me that they would show apple our conversation.
(i also put apple in my dni on my new social media account, made a sarcastic comment abt them ghosting me but also allowing them to message me if they wanted. i was feeling spiteful and annoyed at the time)
i soon got an angry, harsh message from apple.
the message was basically that i lost the right to know why they stopped talking to me (remember this for later), disrespected apple for wanting to share our personal information and relentlessly bothering their friends. (i do agree on that part and it is my fault, although i was very respectful when they all said they had no idea and i apologized to them all) — apple also said they didn’t ghost themselves from me, but rather distanced themselves from me — as they said, i agree that’s completely fine and normal - however, it becomes a problem when you don’t say you’re going to distance yourself from said person, because apple still had me added on other social media before that day, and apple gave me a heartfelt message in our yearbook (but I actually never got to write in theirs) - so ofc i got mixed signals
anyways, apple basically told me to get a life off my phone and that they will never contact me again. okay, i accept that (except the ‘go touch grass’ part that was uncalled for, but it was the heat of the moment so i understand their anger) — now, remember the ‘lost the right to know why i stopped talking to you’? - apple constricted themselves a few sentences later saying that they didn’t want to make a big deal ending a backboned friendship (of 7 years, mind you!), which im assuming implies that they never valued our friendship as much as i did. (ofc sometimes our friendship was rocky at times, but i always apologized in the end.)
one thing that makes me mad abt the message is that apple never took responsibility for their actions that begun all of this, never once replying to my messages and even knowing how much i was hurting from the closure message i sent them two months ago, they did not care about my feelings in the slightest - i know they said they would never contact me again, but at least think of the happy memories we had once before and once you’ve come down from your anger, take the responsibility as i did. but i guess i wasn’t worth it.
afterwards, i ended up breaking down and crying a few days later because the deserved hurtful message really made me feeling upset for weeks - I even vented to my own friends about the whole situation but idk i feel like some of them didn’t really care or just got annoyed with me because i did the invasive thing and probably still are so i felt like i couldn’t talk about my own feelings with anyone and take in my sadness alone
it’s been a few months since then so i’ve moved on from my first ghoster and i still don’t have many irl friends to this day, but i do wish them the best, even if we ended on a sour note. i’d say we were both at fault here, and it could’ve worked out had we just communicated and talk it out. but i suppose we’re better off and maybe we were just too toxic for one another. i am still sorry for everything that went wrong. i can only hope my first ghoster is too, deep down.
now to you all, i’ve told you mainly everything that happened without leaving any important details out. i wanted to share my mistakes with you and not keep it in the dark, because it’s important to own up to them. ik im just a throwaway account here, but i hope you can see where i was coming from, even if it was an unconventional method. i am sorry. i would really appreciate it if you guys don’t entirely focus on that part, but if you need to, i understand.
part 2 regarding my second ghoster will be up in a few days. if you’ve read this far, thank you very much. it felt good getting my feelings out to this community, i just hope you all will be understanding that. i may still make mistakes from time to time, but i will learn from them with each passing day. thank you.

Soo me and my mom always have bullshts arguments and i am a kind of person that always defend himself from everything and everyone who wants to hurt me I have sister that she’s very kind and nice person she’s 10 years old and she study more than me and she is her favorite child and i study too but i want to enjoy my life i go to gym play games and study and i am a good student in school but she is always comparing me with people who are better than me in any bullsht thing that you can imagine🙃 And when she get mad she always yells at me and humiliating me with words that : -You’re not responsible - -You’re like slouchy- You’re like your uncle(my uncle doesn’t have a job)- And lots of things… And when I defend myself boy words i became the bad guy This isn’t a new problem for me it’s been from my childhood till know Last night my i miss my glasses and she say everything that you think and last week my sister forgot her jaket and she was so nice with her. I know that I’m not a perfect child for her but i’m not that bad :)

It's kind of complicated bc it's more than the title, honestly. I'm in a server where we do apocalypse rps, and such, and I've been rping in it for almost two years. Everytime I roleplay though I tend to get forgotten about, a lot. Like I could be roleplaying right there and they forget, or I ask a question so I could know and they ignore the question completely.
Then there's only two females in there, me and my other friend we'll call flower. They really like roleplaying with flower but tends to ignore me, and it hurts bc it feels like I'm excluded a lot of the time. I have my assumptions too though, I think the reason they enjoy roleplaying with flower is because she can do erp. I don't do erp because my bf sees it as cheating and I timeskip to respect my bfs wishes. In the vent channel flower will vent about anything, any small things like stubbing her toe and so many people will come to ask her if she's okie etc. then she complains about no one being there for her, even though I try and text her to let her know I'm there. Then she ignores me completely! Which honestly hurts a lot because I want to be there for her.
In a way though me getting hurt isn't as much as a concern as other people. I blacked out and face planted the wall, and told them I would be slow bc I blacked out and face planted. All I got was a skull emoji, and ignored as they continued to rp without me. Which also hurts a lot.
It also kind of upsets me because flower was complaining to me and her bf in VC that this one guy is obsessed ( well call him cheese) with her and she doesn't understand why he keeps acting like her bf when they aren't dating. Which is weird because she erps with cheese A LOT, and he's single and she's pretty. Honestly I'm more than positive that her bf has no idea that she is erping and such. part of it is because of their insecurities of their relationship, as well as she accused my friend of cheating on her husband because my friend was talking to my other dude friend.
In the server I'm more than positive that most of the people are straight up against me. Like I said that a plague hasnt past through the main group of the server yet. It would be interesting to see them try and overcome a plague all together in a way and build closer relationships. Cheese immediately replied with "no, not happening, I don't want to deal with this. It always feels like you're trying to start something."
Cheese also tends to godmod and metagame a lot and I call it out which I think it why I think he doesn't want to rp with me or ignores me. Same with another. It's also frustrating because my rolls are neglected a lot. A guy I rped with earlier (water), rolled a 17 on intimidation. I rolled a 23 with a nat 20. And he immediately said "she gets a little scared", even though I rolled over??
This sounds a bit far fetched, but I genuinely think that I'm also just a boring roleplayer. I try my hardest to make my roleplays interesting, I put so much detail in as much as I can, I try to read everything even sometimes over if I can't understand, I ask questions when I don't understand, I do my best to put in character development. And I'm still not good enough.
It hurts more because when me and flower are in VC, she's allowed to rant about everyone in the server as much as she wants, and the one time I said "I can't believe what cheese did" she got so incredibly annoyed and deafened to not listen to me rant about him. I thought I was being dramatic but my other two friends agreed that they had noticed it too and thought it was unfair to me how she treats me a lot of the time.
It hurts as well because I'm pretty sure she'll only RP with me if I roleplay a guy. Won't engage with most of my female OCS at all, or when we do she responds little to none but continues with other people. The one time I played a guy, she was SO engaged in our roleplay, to thebpoint almost everytime we were in vc she would constantly ask for me to reply to that roleplay, none stop. To the point I became uncomfortable because I was roleplay ing a guy, and she only wanted to roleplsy with me just because I was a guy in the RP. I finally told her I was didn't want to continue the rp with me as the guy and she ignored me completely and wouldn't respond to me for a long time. And now it's back to not roleplayin with me in general. It confuses me though, why am I much more interesting to roleplay as a guy, than my female OCS? I did little test and roleplayed the guy as if he wasone of my female OCS, so the personality and roleplay aspect didn't change. Just my OCS gender.
I've left this server before because of how much my chest hurts from being neglected and ignored. Cheese begged me to come back. Came back. Build more friendships. Was neglected again. Left. Asked for another chance. Came back. Stressed because the neglect ramped up a lot and caused me to have multiple breakdowns. Then I became afraid of staying gone because I've grown really attached to my OCS that have stories going on inside the server as well as water asked me to come back. Came back, and now I'm terrified of leaving again because I don't want all that work to go to waste, but at the same time I'm soooo tired of being ignored and neglected. I dont know what to do. I'm just so tired of being hurt, but at the same time I'm so addicted and attached.
There's much more but this post is already so long and I've been wanting to get this out so badly but have no one to listen to me. And in a way I feel. Dramatic? Annoying? Boring? And it's put me into such an existential crisis. I want to do other rps, but it's so hard to find a good server that is alive, or flexible, or will respond to rp pings this also flexible on dark story lines. And I kind of found it in this one, but the only thing that sucks is how much worst it makes my loneliness. And it hurts so much. Please be honest, if you guys think I'm being dramatic, please tell me. I just feel so alone, and I'm so tired of it. If you guysbhave any writing tips that make me more interesting in RP, so I don't have to go to erp to be interesting. I could really use it. Thank you for reading this if you did.

Hiii! I'd like to start off by saying that it's tragic that there are others that share my suffering of having unwanted dogs pushed on them but I'm glad I'm not alone in that. None of you deserve it and I really hope that your situations get better someday because living with shitty dogs you never wanted fucking sucks! I myself am currently coping with a situation surrounding my dad and two dogs that belong to our neighbours. Allegedly at least. In reality? Hmm... bit more complex than that - I don't know if I'm just being overdramatic, it is kind of jumbled and really long, but I'm just so tired of dealing with this and I want someone to hear it
For some context behind the living situation, I am unfortunately at a few months into 27 still living with my parents who rent a townhouse 🙁 It's my own fault really and I have a feeling the situation I'm in now may be fate's rendering of judgement on me for growing up into a failure. It's a really long story but the summary is that I was in a deep depression spiral for a bunch of reasons leading me to make sooo many poor financial and educational decisions starting around late elementary school to last year. About 2 years ago I finally started taking steps towards fixing my problems which included some soul searching within, but I think I've got another year or two yet before I'd consider myself comfortable enough financially to finally get out of here and away from this demented doggy day care more or less for good. For what it might be worth, while I don't pay rent I do help out with chores and pay for various things in general - I've fronted pet supplies and vet bills, gas, groceries, purchased furniture, kitchen tools, paid my mom's car insurance when she's been late on it because of my dad's drinking, paid for maintenance stuff such as some supplies to fix holes or damage that my dad puts in walls and doors, among other things like you know, random stuff that needs fixing haha. I want to think I'm not a *complete* parasite, but I totally understand if you still see me as one. Really, I get it. I promise you I'm trying and I will be useful one day. Until then though, 😔
My parents currently own 3 dogs and 2 cats so it's already pretty crowded here and to top it off I have a mild allergy to pet hair so the only time I ever have a clear nose is when I'm out of the house: a 10yr old schipperke named Kallie, a 4yr old golden retriever named Sundance, and some kind of mix that reminds me of a GSD mixed with a pitbull I guess that's like idk 2-3yrs old - her name is Suzuki and she's a rescue that my parents brought back after selling something to a Kijiji buyer. Dunno her breed exactly though. The cats are a black cat named Ninja that we've had since 2014 and a tabby stray named Loki that followed us home from a dumpster a few years ago so we decided to keep her. I love them both so much and Loki is especially dear to me and is actually closer to being my cat than my parents' cat - I am 100% taking her when I leave. They are relevant to this further down trust me.
For the record I don't have issues with Kallie and Sundance and actually do love them a lot despite the fact that I'm not actually the biggest fan of dogs - they're an exception, and I warmed up to Suzuki about a year ago though she has an issue which is relevant for the problem animals.
Several other dogs that weren't ours have been through this house in the past as my dad is well, soft-hearted and naive when it comes to specifically animals. Some of them have been problems. Some of them represent Problems. All of the extra dogs have been unilaterally his decision and any voice of disapproval ignites a conflict. Right now there are 2 other dogs on top of the family 3 and these two are the Big Problems™️ rn: the first one is a shitzuo (emphasis on the SHIT) named Keno or Kino or who fucking cares I'll just call him Keno. The other one is a mix of something that looks a little like Suzuki, but is white and might have a little chihuahua in him. His name is Benji. I'll start with Benji since I actually have sympathy for his owner and as much as I find him annoying he has some potential to be a decent dog one day if given the proper support, but that's not my problem as it's not my dog.
Benji is a younger doggo, about a year old. His owner is a single mom currently going through a bad divorce from what I hear which honestly is really unfortunate and I do hope her situation improves someday. He's kinda friendly most of the time, but his owner has still not gotten him fixed, which is an issue particularly because of how much time he spends in the same house as Suzuki, who my mom has not gotten fixed either despite my offers to pay for it and attempts to schedule it for her. I regularly stop Benji's attempts to mount her, but I know I won't be able to stop it forever and I'm terrified of the outcome. Every time I bring it up to my parents, I am either blown off with a half-thought response or (in the case of my dad) straight up yelled at and threatened as this dog is apparently just "playing" or "fighting for dominance." 🫠 I just don't want to have to exist next to a bunch of puppies that my parents are completely incapable of taking care of but there's nothing I can do about it. God, imagining the noise level and smell of the house makes me shiver. Aaaaaa. Benji is also an extremely pushy and jealous dog as he's still very young and isn't being trained adequately by either his owner or my dad - I cannot pet the family dogs without this little annoyance trying to worm his way in and interrupt. One positive I can think of is that he at least defers to me and folds over in submission the moment I express any kind of disapproval. Well, that and he isn't Keno.
Keno is.... a fucking NIGHTMARE that is driving me to insanity and I am devoting basically the rest of this rant to this untrained monstrosity and its neglectfully absent handlers. I have never, in my entire life, EVER, hated a dog more than this shaggy, aggressive, shrieking rat. It all started about six months ago when some neighbours who I've never met in my life got this stupid idiot dumbshit animal as a rescue. My mom let it come over once and I had one of those really bad gut feelings. My dad then suggested to them that he could keep an eye on it, as both of the owners work all day and don't get home until later while my dad is at home usually as he's on disability. From then on this curly-haired terror has been at our house almost 7 days a week, for at LEAST 12 hours a day. Let's see if I can describe just much I hate this animal without hitting a character limit.
The dog wasn't (and still isn't) yard trained or outside-trained in general. This dog is like 2 years old or something and every time I've brought it up my dad freaks out and says "that's not going to happen, that's just how he is! Get used to it!" My dad's solution is to cover our ENTIRE front entrance into the building hallway in piss pads. Yea, training pads. These are filled up multiple times a day - sometimes multiple times an HOUR ... you can imagine the amount of garbage this creates which my dad then complains about having to deal with (he's the ONLY reason this dog still comes here) - and yes, he throws the used piss pads in the KITCHEN TRASH, YOU KNOW, THE ONES WITH FECES AND URINE ON THEM 🙃The dog regularly misses too and wastes all over the floor and wall! I rented a carpet cleaner for when I moved rooms and my mom decided to use it after to clean up the entrance way, hahaha, it was pissed up less than 2 hours later! The doors and walls around there are starting to be stained by dog piss and it gets worse when the pads get moved around for whatever reason. If you were to look closely, you may see tiny streaks from where the dog rushed to its mandatory shitting sessions. We used to have a bench beside the door for putting on shoes and stuff, and the closet was actually used for coats, hats, and things. Now the whole area has been devoted to this walking feces factory and on top of that the perpetually soiled pads sit in front of our downstairs bathroom as well. Suffice to say that I have not used that washroom in nearly six months and only make use of the upstairs one now. Petty? Maybe. Legend has it that some of my makeup is still in there.
As mentioned earlier, from what I've been told this dog is a rescue. It has behaviour problems. Crazy, I know. You'd be shocked to know that its owners are not experienced with handling rescues. It barks at many, oh many things. There is not a single multicellular organism in this city that this thing has not barked at. When it gets let outside, the very first thing it does is run to the end of the yard and shriek at the sky! And this thing is one of those dogs that has the projection of a large dog, but the bark of a small one. Yea, it's actually piercing, and if I'm in the same room as it my ears physically hurt when it barks and leaves my ears ringing. Definitely an effective deterrent, as I don't really leave my room anymore while it's here, so I guess I basically don't leave my room anymore except to go to work or cook... Of course this dog does more than bark though! It's actually fairly aggressive, too, because of course it is. You cannot discipline this dog, both because of the coddling my father does for it and the dog's own reaction to various techniques. Very growly and bares its teeth. I went to close the living room curtain once and the dog snapped at my hand, biting me. It has bitten me again one other time when I shooed it out of my new room that I was cleaning out (note: my dad yelled at me later because it's "Keno's relaxing spot" and I'm cruel to take that away from it, don't worry it hasn't been back in since) I'm not allowed to teach this dog in any way, as any genuine attempt from me (mainly out of desperation to make what time I have left in this house livable I don't actually want to teach this mutt, I want it gone) is swiftly shut down by my dad who says once again that the dog will never learn and that's just how it is. GREAT. GET RID OF THE FUCKING THING THEN IF ITS UNFIXABLE. Oh, it's your "duty" to ensure the dog doesn't get put down apparently, because that's what will 100% happen if the dog gets given up according to him. He's not a "killer" 🙄 mf hearing that is unbelievably infuriating this dog will have no fucking chance in the future if it doesn't get given up at least now it could potentially be taken care of by someone halfway decent at it. I've told him multiple times that him ENABLING these dipshit owners is just causing more problems for this awful animal further down the road. I hate the shit out of this thing and I'm still trying to think of its well-being. UGH.
God tho, words cannot describe how much of a trigger this dog's bark is. I hate it. I cannot stand it. It's an audible plague. It worms through earplugs, headphones, walls. I cannot get it out of my fucking mind. Even on the few days this dog isn't here, I can still hear it shrieking away a few doors down. It's barking as I type this part someone save me this dog allegedly was supposed to go home an hour ago. The latest this thing has stayed was until 11:30 PM. What the fuck.
Apparently the dog is fixed. However for some reason it repeatedly tries to mount Suzuki. It does not do that with the other dogs who are all fixed. Huh. Oh, it also likes to rub up against the only part of our couch with an arm rest and has claimed it as its territory - actually briefly fought with Benji over it two weeks ago. Mom said it was a serious incident but nothing came of it, as usual haha. Whatever, point is this dog is a problem in yet another way. I love being told off about not wanting this dog to rub its fucking ass up against my thigh while I'm trying to just sit on the couch for whatever reason at the time.
What makes my blood boil the most about the behaviour though is how this dog treats our cats and even the other neighbour's dog. It's a fucking menace, an actual danger. It chases and harasses our cats in some attempt to police them or something. If Loki jumps onto a high point that she regularly lounges at, he dashes at her and barks at her. If Ninja meows at the door to be put on a leash in the yard, he barks and chases him. This dog has lunged at our cats more than once. I'm scared that something is going to happen to them because those things happen way faster than one can stop them. I don't know if I could handle seeing that image in reality. I really don't think I could. I hope I don't have to and even writing about the possibility gives me anxiety and the fact that my dad jokes about how Keno "definitely came from a family where he was supposed to keep an eye on a cat" just brings me to my fucking limit as it is. I nearly had that sort of scare a couple months ago when Benji and Keno were scrapping in my dad's room. I saw that they were getting too aggressive, but my dad has made it umm, very clear that I am not allowed to police them on it. So yea, it happened super quick - Keno clamped down on Benji's throat and hurt him. While the little guy lived, he now has a semi-persistent cough and at the time I genuinely thought the dog was gonna cross the forever bridge as he was struggling to breathe for like 10min. What changed from this incident? Well, nothing! My dad blamed Benji. I feel really bad about the incident as there was a brief window where I could have stopped it, but my fear of causing an argument with my dad led to an animal getting hurt, even if it's one I'm not a huge fan of.
Where are the owners? Haha. At work apparently. As mentioned, the dog is here nearly 7 days a week, at least 12 hours a day, usually longer than that (7am to 7pm, but this dog has fucking arrived at like 6:10am before.) Weekends are supposed to be a reprieve from this demon, but every couple weekends it'll come over on those days too and sometimes for completely fucking random reasons! Aren't owners usually comfy leaving their dog at their house for two hours? Why the fuck are these people unable to do that? Why do my parents get no notice apparently? Why do my parents take this shit? I am not allowed to voice disapproval towards this dog or the situation of any kind - my dad immediately launches into a tirade more colourful than a pastel palette if I even slightly remind him that I hate this fucking thing. My mom shuts me down - "That's enough.", "Don't", "I don't want your dad to get angry" the last time this happened my dad insisted that either I "love all of them or abuse all of them, no pick and choosing" he then drank himself silly and forgot about it. Why did that happen? I came in the door and pet our dogs plus Benji because he was actually behaving pretty well for once!
Yea the owners are so shitty. Benji's owner has told my mom (who then relayed it to me) about how they find it funny and cute that their awful dog pisses all over our walls and barks teehee 😊 at least Benji's owner tries and walks our schipperke at night sometimes. Keno's diabolical yet incompetent owners very clearly know they have a golden goose in the form of my father who is only spineless when it comes to dogs. He has sadly attached himself to this stupid mutt, and I'm worried that I'm going to have to deal with it for as long as I associate with my parents, at least until it passes. In fact, my dad has straight up said that he considers this dog his own, and part of the family. Many times he has mentioned that poor Keno's "REAL FAMILY" is here in our house. Keno's owners apparently pay my dad $100 a month sometimes for the privilege of letting it ruin this house for a minimum of 60 hours a week. Damn they got a good deal. The owners have other issues too, but basically I just can't believe that this is the hill my dad (and by extension my mom as she's been stockholm'd by my dad) is willing to die on. I can't believe this fucking dog has so much sway in things here. I can't believe my dad constantly praises and gives it love while in the same breath detailling very specifically how much joy I suck away from his life and how much of a regret of his I am. How do I stop being worth less to him than this dog? Before this thing, it was a neighbour's chihuahua named Oreo that also pissed all over the place and yapped. Despite the fact that I'd sometimes exit the shower and have to step over dog shit, I'd much rather have that yappy dog back then keep dealing with this hellspawn. At least back then my father pretended to care about me. I wish this thing would just fucking leave. I wish my mom would actually put her foot down like she says she is. I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of being told about how I'm supposed to just LIKE this shitty dog and how my open dislike of it is animal abuse or some shit that's like actually untrue (what the fuck.) I do my best to just ignore it as much as I can but this dog has driven me to crying fits more than once because it Just. Doesn't. Stop. The reminders are everywhere. It's sunken its teeth into every fucking aspect of life here and I am so miserable. If I could afford it I would move out yesterday. I want out so badly but can only bide my time while bitching like some drama queen because I was an idiot
Wow, this has ballooned way beyond how long I thought it'd be. Oops. Hey, even if you don't read it, it felt pretty good to type.
tldr: THESE 2 DOGS ARE SHIT BUT ONE IS SHITTIER AND THE WORST

So, recently I had what I can only imagine to be sleep paralysis. I was really tired so details might be fuzzy and I apologize for that.
So, I was just reclined back on my recliner. At some point I must have passed out because the next thing I could remember was ‘waking up’. I wasn’t worried until I tried to move. Then I tried thrashing, didn’t work but it did hurt. It was that feeling of a your hand falling asleep, pins and needles though it dissipated when I stopped trying to move. At first I was thinking it was just the way I fell asleep, I was sleeping on my arm. But the pain was in my entire body, or the parts I tried to move. Then when I regained movement again it was completely gone.
So is this a normal thing with sleep paralysis or should I go see a doctor?

Hello,
In short, I had a root canal on my upper right second bicuspid (I'm not sure how the numbering works, sorry) in 2014 when I was 14 years old. I had it crowned shortly after.
Then, in 2019 it just randomly started hurting. It's a persistent dull kind of ache. Nothing makes it particularly worse. I don't chew on that side because I have a root canal on the bottom right molar that doesn't have a crown and I don't want break that tooth. There's no sensitivity to cold, tapping on the tooth doesn't hurt when tapped by the dentist. However, it does hurt when I tap it on the side of the tooth and not on the bottom.
It also hurts when I floss but it feels like the pain is more so in the tooth in front of it. I'm honestly at my wits end. I've been to 7 dentists in the past 5 years and followed their recommendations since nothing is apparent on any x-rays. I've had multiple fillings in other teeth in case those are causing my pain and even had my wisdom teeth taken out in case it helped, which it didn't.
I don't know what to do anymore. I've spent thousands of dollars already on my teeth and the fact that I'm still in pain is making me feel so depressed.
Could it be that I'm clenching in my sleep? I do have pain and clicking in my jaw when I open my mouth to a certain extent. Or maybe a sinus issue?
If anyone has any experience with this, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

I (25 NB) met my friend (26 NB) at work, we have the same position at work and usually end up paired with each other. We get along great and have a lot of similar interests. I’ve given them rides home from work a lot cause we live near each other, and I thought we’d developed a strong friendship. They’ve worked at the company a little longer than I have, I’ve been working there since August. We’ve only been friends really since Januaryish when I got promoted.
Anyways they kept requesting we hang out together outside of work, I didn’t see this as odd because we’ve hung out together outside of work as a friend group, I have many friends at my job and we usually do group outings or parties, so it wasn’t odd to me that they wanted to hang out. The day they wanted to go out, none of my roommates were available to go with. 2 out of 3 of my roommates (25 M, 23 F and 25 M) work at the same business. So I went with them on my own, they seemed ecstatic that it was just the 2 of us. I picked them up and we initially just planned to go to the mall. We walked around, talked, bought stuff and eventually had lunch.
They kept staring at me which I found awkward but figured because we’re both autistic that I was uncomfortable with the eye contact or they just happen to make a lot of eye contact. They also keep walking really close to me and “accidentally” bumping my hand. After the mall they still wanted to hang out so we went to the thrift store and had a lot of fun making fun of the silly knick knacks, we both love Fallout New Vegas so they were looking for a jacket that looked like Benny Geckos from the game.
After that they still wanted to keep hanging out, at this point I was pretty tired but figured we were having fun. It’s hard for me to say no, and I use a cane for chronic pain so I usually need to take a frequent number of breaks which we hadn’t done yet but they hadn’t picked up that I was tired yet. I was having fun and at this point they did apologize about keeping me out for so long, I said it’s ok because I like long friendship hangout days, which is not a lie, my body just doesn’t enjoy it as much.
Next we went to get boba and they bought me a drink, at this point they had paid for none of my stuff, we split the food earlier and I lightheartedly threatened them to not spend money on me. When we were in the boba shop, they once again kept staring and moving their hand towards mine. I deterred this because it made me uncomfortable by talking with my hands which I usually do anyways. They were nice and listened to me infodump to them about tmnt (tmnts my special interest) but still continued their staring. I kept getting in my head that they were just being nice and I was ruining things thinking that they had ulterior motives.
I forgot to mention that they have a boyfriend (27 M), but they had offhandingly mentioned that they were poly. We then went to a gaming shop to look at dnd and pathfinder stuff, I had to pee incredibly badly at this point but they ignored my subtle pleas to leave, which understandably was my fault as I said I could hold it at the boba shop.
At this point I’m exhausted and in a lot of pain so I suggested we end our hang out after finding a bathroom. They still insisted on hanging out longer so I suggested they come to my apartment cause at this point I’d run out of stuff for us to do. This is where things got a bit uncomfy. My roommates were all home at this point but all left briefly to go pick up food. My roommate who I share a room with requested I don’t bring my friend into our room while she was in there, but gave me the go ahead to show them our room once she and my other roommates left to get their food.
I like showing my friends my collections whenever they come over so I saw no inappropriate reason to do the same. I have some Dnd, Fallout and Tmnt stuff I wanted to show them. I did my normal showing off my stuff thing. At some point I walked them over to my desk to show them my figurines, my desk is in a corner by my closet and bed so you can only go up to it from 1 side, I talked for a bit and noticed I was cornered. I have past trauma and hate being cornered, I kept making attempts to hint that I wanted to get out of the corner but they stayed firmly in place, even leaning with their hand on my desk to further block me in which I thought was strange.
Eventually I manage to slip by them by saying I wanted to show them my shelf on the opposite side of the room. The shelf is lower and next to my bed so I sit down to point things out. They then ask if they can sit down as well. I say yes and they proceed to sit down directly next to me, our thighs are touching firmly and they lean in on my bed with their arm behind me. I’m once again cornered and panicked now. I have a thing with my thighs where I HATE anyone touching them, it causes a violent reaction, my brain screams at me to bite, punch or claw anyone who touches them, I feel sick and absolutely enraged whenever it happens. I’ve been SAed in the past but even before that I had that reaction, my therapist says it might be a trauma response from childhood that I don’t remember.
I didn’t want to hurt them and luckily I have the violent outbursts completely under control so I just stiffened up and internalized the rage while trying to steady my breathing. They obviously know nothing about my trauma because we haven’t been friends for very long. So I continue talking about my 2003 rerelease tmnt figures and let them continue to touch me while trying not to cry.
Luckily my roommates return, and I immediately get up and leave my room to greet them. At this point I’m incredibly uncomfortable and wanted them out. But I felt bad if I suddenly kicked them out and I also was their ride. We decided to watch a movie in the living room, I sat in the couch corner and they decided to lay down on the rest of the couch while leaning up near me. One of my roommates picked up on the vibe and decided to join us for the movie, the other two sat at the table where you can still see the tv to eat their food since there was no room on the couch.
I decided to crochet during the movie to help ease my nerves. Every once in a while during the movie I could see them staring at me. Once the movie was over I offered to take them home. When I dropped them off they asked if they could hug me, I gave them a nervous sure, when they hugged me they put their nose into the crook of my neck which gave me the ick.
I’m not sure if it’s just me but I hate whenever I want a friend or just want to hang out with a friend and they turn it into something more without asking me! I’ve been notoriously “manic pixie dream girled” my entire life and I’m sick of it. If you want to go out with me just make your intentions known and ask me on a date! I wouldn’t have said yes but I think they knew that and felt the need to trick me instead.
I’m also incredibly turned off by the fact that their boyfriend just had surgery for appendicitis and is also about to have top surgery this week too and instead of caring for him they’re trying to get into my pants.
The whole situation feels icky and I’m so sad cause I thought I found a cool friend. They’re trying to get me to hang out with them again (even though their boyfriend is having top surgery) and I told them I have therapy and college dumpster diving on my days off this week and they’re trying to get me to work around those.
I just want some advice, am I in the wrong for feeling weird around them now or should I see how this plays out. I usually stick to dating women and other nonbinary people so they’re technically in the range of people I can potentially be attracted to but idk. I haven’t been interested in dating a lot lately cause I’ve been working through my trauma in therapy for the past year. My roommates also thought the whole situation was strange and uncomfortable. My roommate also asked if she had ever done anything like that to make me uncomfortable (she’s also amab like my friend), I reassured her she had never done that and that I feel very safe with her.

I’m a 20 year old transgender woman, I transitioned at 15, I look, act, feel, sound, and everyone believes I am a “woman”. I’m not bragging or “tooting”but I am very attractive I get compliments in public, flooded with compliments on apps, I’m fairly short, and have a decent sense of style (I am now tooting my own horn). I should feel lucky I should feel grateful, I should feel good, but everything hurts. I hate myself so much it’s unreal, nothing makes me feel happy not even the compliments not even love. My life would be so much easier if I was just normal, nothing I’ve experienced has been normal or okay. I’d do anything to trade places with anyone, I prayed for it as a child and I pray for it now. Everything is painful, I can’t even look in the mirror with out my appearance changing infront of my own eyes, or my eyes going directly to my pelvis and hating myself even more. i cqnt even move past hating myself to be loved by my boyfriend wiyh out sabotaging it all. ive started to pick at him and its unfair, the shame and guilt i hold when we go dates is overwhelming, he won’t even reach for my hand in public and I know he feels shame too, yet he gets off to the idea of me being different. I’m a walking fetish and it makes me sick, the idea of being fetishized has made me despise having sex. The idea of my boyfriend getting of to the fact that none of his family, friends or even his roommate know that I am trans hurts, I don’t want them to know but I’d rather not know he’s getting off to my pain and discomfort at my expense. Believing my only hope for a stable life being through only fans is awful, I’m convinced it’s my only option for some type of salvation, at least if I take control of the fetishizing then will I have power and I guess I’ll have money. Then maybe I can try and heal myself with a surgery that could lessen the suffering and pain I feel already. Sex has become a nothing, sometimes I enjoy it but sometimes im doing it to my others happy, so that I feel wanted and validated and APPRECIATED. The feeling of being touched makes me shifted out of my body, I feel like I’m in a porn video, poked, pounded, sucked, licked, kissed nothing feels good anymore but it’s the only time I feel valued. Everything makes me sick and disgusting, the feeling of being touched and acting like it feels good is draining all for the pursuit of love, affection, touch, and validation. I can’t tell if it’s underlying trauma? Maybe something happened as a child? Or maybe I just can’t help but to dissociate. The heart ache I have when I think about me being a normal person male or female, nothing can take that away. Suggesting I should de transition isn’t realistic, I have breasts that would require extensive weight loss or even surgery, even with weight loss I’d still have loose skin I’d have to remove. Detransitioning would cause more pain then I already have, whether you believe being trans is real or not is beyond, I’ve made my bed and I’m happy to a point about how I look but I will never be fulfilled as a person. I’m stuck with the biological FACT that I am male who was born with a cursed brain. Therapy has never helped I went through multiple years of therapy to even begin my transition none of which helped only proved that I am an ill individual who’s suffering from a very severe case of gender dysphoria. I tried to mutilate my body as a child (no damage done). I wish for one thing that people take away from this is that being trans is PAINFUL transitioning IS PAINFUL, and even more painful to go back and live as your biological sex. An analogy I read compared it to a walking through a door that tortures you as you walk in but tortures you again if not worse then before. I wish to be treated as a HUMAN BEING not a sexual object, an animal, subhuman, or as if we don’t matter. I feel pain and I know pain and I deserve to be heard, seen, and loved.
(I apologize for my grammar errors, mistakes, and incoherent ramblings jumping from thought to thought, I’m not very intelligent I’m just expressing feelings to whoever reads this and it’s very late and I can’t sleep )

The show in question is Ramy, a comedy/drama on Hulu. For some context, the show is mostly about a Muslim family, and the character in question is Uncle Naseem, an outwardly hyper-masculine, racist, misogynist man who is clearly overcompensating for something.

Full Comments

Original post for posterity:

Like what was the point?? He was funny as hell, and I wish we could get deeper into his character, but why make him gay??? I wonder if the season where he made the uncle gay was the season the show got a Golden Globe.
Update: it’s been so fun going back and forth with you queens, please keep going, I love how butt hurt you guys are 😭 but then again I’m sure everything’s numb down there by now 😂
Update #2: I see I hurt some feelings here, let me just say, I hope you have nightmares about what I said, I hope the PreP in your stomach makes you throw up tonight, I hope you cry yourselves to sleep. Thank you for being so entertaining during my workday. Byeee queers 🥹

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Why does it bother you if he is gay? And what do you mean by “absolutely no reason”? The fact that he was gay is exactly what made us get a deeper perspective on the character, which is what you say you wanted. He otherwise was just portrayed as a backward, racist, misogynist. So it was important to show another side to him, not just that he’s the “old crazy uncle.” It shows why he is the way he is, the frustration he has felt his entire life, of being gay and having to hide it, and probably being hyper masculine to compensate . Also, I could be wrong, so feel free to clarify, but if you think Uncle Naseem was “funny as hell” because you actually agree with the comments he was making, I have news for you. The show creators definitely do not want us to agree with Uncle Naseem’s viewpoints. We are supposed to be laughing AT him for the things he is saying, not with him. If you find yourself agreeing with Uncle Naseem’s viewpoints and it bothers you that he’s gay, this show might not be for you .

Because its forced nowadays. If it wasn’t mandated by Hollwood, id have more respect for the writers.

Nah, it’s not forced. It made perfect sense. It’s like when you hear about anti-gay pastors and politicians getting caught on Grindr or with prostitutes. There’s no gay mafia telling Ramy what to do, but that’d be funny though lol

It really is forced, but you can pretend to ignore it.

How is it forced? Everyone disagrees with you. To us, it made perfect sense. I think you don’t like it because you’re a conservative who doesn’t like gay acts depicted

Lmfaoo so since everyone disagrees I should just agree with you all? Those echo chambers really smoothed out your brain.

Then articulate a non-smooth brained reason why you think you can’t have gay characters on TV or why this show in particular shouldn’t have one of the cast members be gay Nah there was no point. But thanks for the essay. why did you even ask the question if you didn’t want a real answer? Lmfaoooooo just cause you agree doesn’t make it a “real answer”. well the only answers you agree with are ones that reinforce the opinion you already hold. if you just wanted people to agree with you then why did you ask a question in the first place? That’s not what I said at all but go off sis

[...]

Actually gays are dying out. Everyone is trams these days.. lesbians are unicorns now

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I couldn’t disagree more with you. It makes him a more interesting character and puts a new spin on all his past statements and interactions. It makes Naseem more sympathetic because his homophobia is overcompensation and denial. Like they didn’t have to make him a diamond dealer either, but it also makes his antisemitism more interesting being that he has to work with Jews all the time.

Yeah, but he didn’t need to be gay

He didn’t need to be, it just was better for his character. Often times the most homophobic guy is gay. Why does it offend you so much? Do you think being gay is bad?

LMFAOOO such a high school response “oh he doesn’t like gays so he must be gay”. That talking point tracks with your other smooth brained buddies in here

Can you answer the question? Is being gay bad because it’s haram?

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People just be gay.

Duh

Are you 13?

Ouch that one really hurt 😞

lol ok kid

thanks man🙂‍↕️

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Dude….this is so mistaken. This isn’t just a DEI move or some shit. You have this really racist and emotionally wrecked uncle in denial and unable to accept his “flaws”. He knows he is for example attracted to men but he cannot accept that that is okay. He finds himself in the sauna getting sucked off because he couldn’t do it anywhere else. And the moment he thinks his niece finds out he goes crazy about it. Curb your homophobia/queerphobia. A show isn’t “infected” by the LGBTQ movement or part of the gay agenda just because it features gay characters. I’m sorry you’re too afraid to live in a world where media isn’t strictly heteronormative.

Oh save the “phobia” garbage lol, they didn’t need to make him gay period

So why did they have to make him straight?

They don’t, but making him gay shouldn’t be his whole storyline, they barely dove into his character and they just make him gay for what?? It just feels lazy.

We’re explaining to you why the reveal that he is secretly gay is essential to his character development yet you completely ignore it and assert that “they didn’t need to make him gay”. It only appears lazy because you do not understand the logic behind it. They constantly show he’s a lonely bitter old man but we just assume it’s cuz he can’t court any women cuz he’s racist. It’s a massive reveal to us that the real reason he can’t court women is because he’s not attracted to them, and he comes from a place where homosexuality is essentially a weakness and so he cannot accept that he’s weak. We see that he was dating a guy for some time but ends up punching him in the face, because for Uncle Naseem the thing he loves is also the thing he hates most about himself. He loves his family but he also hates them. He loves Ramy but he also hates him. He loves men but he also hates being attracted to them. This is what causes the dissonance in his life, because he can’t accept his flaws. The fact that such a hard ass bought a cake for his boyfriend shows how inside he’s still soft and vulnerable like everybody else. You’re gonna keep asking the question. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO MAKE HIM GAY? The truth is that Ramy Youssef didn’t have to tell us Uncle Naseem is gay, but if we didn’t know then we would know even less about Uncle Naseem.

Yeah you’re on crack or poppers if you think I’m reading all this LMFAOOO! I’ll respond with just a simple, No you’re wrong. Thank you😇

[...]

I would disagree. Him being secretly gay explains a lot about Naseem’s character flaws, especially concerning his overtly homophobic behavior. He’s very clearly compensating in multiple areas. He’s trying to put on this persona that doesn’t match who he actually is. I think him being gay is actually pretty crucial to the character and story line. I like that you don’t have any issues with the other characters? Others are not perfect either, yet you only seem to care about this.

Nah

You don’t even have any counter arguments, what’s the point of your post other than showing how incoherent you can be.

Awhhh I’m sorry I’m not engaging with you like you desperately want 🥺. Tell me how your day was buddy

You’re the one who posted this and can’t even hold your own lmao, you must not be that bright

You feel better? I’ve responded 2 times now okay🥺 hope you can sleep now

The butt hurt guy (ironically) who creates a post like this not having any self awareness to realize they are more like Naseem than their brain cells can handle, I almost feel bad

Ouch!!! You hit me with such an original response!!! It’s not like this take wasn’t said a million times 😭. And awhhh you feel bad for me??? Thanks man. I’m arguing with queers from around the globe, it does get tiring. Thanks bestie 🫶🏽

My bad, I had to repeat it because I thought you had some reading comprehension issues. You mentioned on another comment that you didn’t read it because 2 paragraphs was too long for your dumbass.

Nah it’s just, you queers all say the same things in your responses. Why waste my time ya know?

I’m sure Allah is very happy with you right now

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Sounds like a bit of casual homophobia, eh?

My homophobia is anything but casual

Then no answer will make sense to you. People be gay, and so is his uncle. Get over it cause everybody else loved the twist.

Lmfaoooo exactly it’s called an OPINION, you don’t have to agree bud. Btw I bet when you typed up That last sentence you crossed your arms like you did something LMAOOOOOOOOO

Bro did you see your post? You asked the question and here's the answer, you're a homophobe. Funny part is that YOU answered it hahaha

LMFAOOO you did it again!! Pressed 😭

The thought of you seething about gay folk enough to come complain here is hilarious to me lol🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

Oh no not the rainbows!!!! Please!!! I just ate! Your “pride” gives me bubble guts!

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care to explain why you have such a problem with the uncle being gay?

Because

because what?

Because yuck

yeah I saw that you admitted to being a homophobe already. you’re a trash person with trash beliefs and a shit moral system. not much we can do about that.

LMFAOOO pat yourself on the back please, or get whoever back doors you to do it.

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I think you just don’t like that he’s gay. Get over it.

Omg I really needed to hear that, thx sis! 😂

Cool, did you get over it? And not your sis, thx! 😁

Just trying to relate to you queers, I assume your a they/that. How do you guys say sis? ?”This”?

I just feel like I’m going crazy and I need some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years.
I will try and give as much relevant background as possible so people can fairly weigh in.
I (23M) am a law school student, and I lost a decent amount of weight and muscle during finals season.
Today, my girlfriend (25F) showed me a topless picture of myself from when I had gained a lot of muscle from hitting the gym, and was sort of lamenting that she missed how I looked. It kind of stung, especially when she knows all I have been through with the stresses of finals and school.
As some background, I have always struggled to gain weight (started at about 145 at the beginning of our relationship. I am just over 6ft). My girlfriend continually voiced her wanting me to gain weight, and I continually failed to form a regular gym schedule for quite a while. This one is completely on me. But last year, I forced myself to eat WAY more and began exercising more regularly. By winter break, I got to 160 pounds and it was a big accomplishment for me.
Unfortunately, I basically lost 7-10 pounds during second semester law school finals (just finished thank God). For those who don’t know law school finals are no joke, and you really need to start working your ass off from about a month out at a minimum. I spent every hour I wasn’t at school or commuting at my desk studying and making outlines. Especially during the last few weeks, I began taking my ADHD medication almost every day. (This can also contribute to weight loss). She knows all of this. She also knows I’m working so hard to give us a better future.
For someone who is already skinny and has almost 0 body fat, 7-10 pounds is really noticeable - especially in my chest and arms.
When she lamented on my past figure, this honestly really stung since I’ve been really unhappy about it myself. Since I’m applying to law-related summer jobs basically every waking hour I’m not spending time doing activities with her, I still haven’t had the time to go to the gym.
When we walked the dog after dinner, she commented on my posture. It admittedly sucks I look like a less extreme version of the “golden ratio” or whatever. She has also been telling this t me for forever, but I just can’t get the good posture to stick. I think it’s fair that she’s really pissed about repeatedly telling me this for 3 years.
I jokingly asked why she’s being so mean today, and she asked for examples.
When I brought up the issue with the picture, I told her that “it made me feel not so good”. While I didn’t expect an apology, she refused to really even acknowledge why this would hurt my feelings, and instead brought up that she was mad to see me lose some progress. I told her to put herself in my shoes, and we continued to have this back and forth for about another 10 minutes or so until we got home. Finally, she said she was sorry - in what came across as a really half assed and not heartfelt apology.
When I mentioned that her apology didn’t mean much when she argued with me about it for 10 minutes, she got mad at me.
I tried to explain that all I wanted was for her to be a little more light-handed with her wanting me to gain weight, but that her “apologizing” so late and half-assed just made me hurt more. She wouldn’t even acknowledge that her apology was late.
I tried putting her in my shoes by saying what if she gained weight and I started lamenting over her past skinner version. She then got even more mad since she says I ask her to “put herself in my shoes” during every argument. I guess I do.
It took her 30 minutes of arguing for her to admit that her apology was late. She says that she was still mad about my posture and wasn’t thinking clearly or something along those lines.
To me - with both the apology and the argument about the apology - it feels like she was just refusing to admit any wrongdoing, even when I think she knew “what she did wrong” (from my perspective). I told her this, and she got even more mad at me.
Am I just being sensitive here? Was I just arguing about something dumb like she seems to think?
I just wanted to feel heard, and for her to acknowledge that she could have been nicer.
Please rip some sense into me if I’m just being dumb.

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
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I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
​
I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.