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2024.05.15 23:10 CleanElk3560 AITAH - for cutting my mom off from my life because of a birthday text.
I'm not doing great at the moment since it just happened. I don't like gossip or talking behind people's back. Ironic I know. This post is about whether or not I did the right thing. Please don't insult anyone else: my mom (umm), my wife (Annie), my dad (abpa), my brother (Barry), my sister (Maggie), my cousin (Frank).
Save your judgment for me. Context: I'm 35M. first born. I left home after a huge fight with my mom after college. I was homeless for a bit. We've since reconciled. But I suppose not anymore. There's history there.
I'm only posting to see if what I did was wrong.
All names have been replaced and are not real. Other details like dates and places that are personally identifiable will be removed/changed. There are two languages: I will always show the original and translate as fairly as I can.
It is relevant for fairness to share that my mom is 3 hours ahead of me. I'm west coast, she's east coast. (10am for me it's 1pm for her) My time will be shown in the messages.
I will keep all messages exact and unedited, outside of the above.
I repeat: DO NOT INSULT MY MOM OR WIFE OR FAMILY. am I the asshole. nothing about them. just me.
On Mom's Birthday:
Mom [10:43am] it's mom's birthday but nothing is here (original: 엄마 생일인데 아무것도 없어.) [10:52am] [Picture of kitchen island with boxed tonesunscreen on it] [10:53am] (Mom is/I am) really sad. This is what Annie sent me for a gift. $10-20 toiletries. Something I don't even use. (original: 엄마 많이 섭섭해. 이게 [name]가 보낸 선물이야. $10-20 짜리 화장품. 엄마 이거 쓰지도 않는데.)
Me [11:51am] She got the same thing she got for you and her mom. Throw it out and I'll make sure to buy something nicer for you.
Mom [12:03pm] If she or her mom got the thing then I should get the same thing. I'm not Annie or Annie's mom. I'm your mom. You shouldn't treat me like this. [12:07pm] Not even one happy birthday said. (original: 생일 축하한단 말 한마디 없이.)
Me [12:56pm] call (no answer) [1:11pm] call (no answer)
Next day:
Mom [5:10am] I didn't answer the phone yesterday because I felt like I'm crying. I don’t want to talk like that with you. When you got married Annie I tried to treat her as an our family member. I know I can not treat her same as Maggie (my sister). But last year she didn’t say any word on my birthday. Even you and I talked on the phone. I didn’t want so much from her just as a family say good word on birthday wishes. This year same thing. And you, when you asked me what can I do for you ( maybe you forgot that even you asked) I literally said “다른거 필요 없고 무슨날 엄마 밥이나 사줘” (translation: I don't need anything just buy me some dinner some time) I’m not asking you expensive things. Don’t say throw them out but nicer things. You really missed the point.
Me [11:28am] You were upset because I didn’t do something for your birthday by 1040am on a Monday. It’s not about expensive things but you want to text a picture of the gift and say it’s $10-20. You got a gift, but no card. It’s cheap but it’s not about money. Annie’s a family member, how could she not text. Right after she texted happy mother’s day to you. Yesterday before dinner, Annie tells me “make sure you call your mom it’s her birthday”. I didn’t tell her what happened because I don’t gossip and talk bad about people behind their back. I call or text and wish a happy birthday to family. Like I’ve done every year. It’s the same as what everyone does for me. Sometimes I don’t get a call. Sometimes I don’t get a text. Sometimes the call/text comes a day later. Never did I text my family members in the morning asking why people didn’t do more for me. I’ll make sure to let Annie know about wishing happy birthday to you. In my screenshot is my daily goals from yesterday, I was excited about this week. One of those things was, of course, calling you for your birthday, just like I called for mother’s day. Two hours later while I’m in a work meeting with my boss, 1040am, I get a text from you telling me about how sad you are from my wife’s cheap gift and how I haven’t said happy birthday yet. Yesterday I woke up and went to work, and planned to call you after. You have a habit of disproportionately trying to make me feel bad. You’ve done it on your birthday before many years ago after you and abpa[dad in korean] had a fight. I was a college student and you took it out on me cause I was the easy target. You’re an adult. Your child can call later in the day to wish you a happy birthday. It’s not okay to text trying to make your son feel bad about not doing something sooner. [11:29am] [Screenshot of whatsapp conversation between me and my virtual assistant] [Screenshot start] [8:13am yesterday] Goals for Today, I want to be disciplined. It’s been a few weeks now since my conference and because of the conference and drinking there, I became slow and lost the energy to stay on top of my diet/exercise and morning routines that I was so happy and proud of. Let’s get back to that this week. Let’s work hard, let’s continue to set sights on big goals. I want to work on the 3 projects I have going right now. [personal project 1 company idea], [personal project 2 company idea], and [current company].
Today I will exercise 25 situps, 25 pushups, 25 curls, 25 shoulder press, and 25 squats. Today I will finish a few [work things] for [company]. Today I will teach class for [project 2] finish [lesson], and let folks know that there will not be class on wednesday. I will call my mom later today and wish her a happy birthday. I will also be going to my brother’s to take care of credit card points so that we can buy tickets for [trip], let’s work hard today and get a lot done. [Screenshot end]
Mom [4:09pm] My birthday is passed last year and this year. She didn’t text or say anything these two years. You may think that’s ok but not for me. I just expect to acknowledge these days and congrat each other. Is that too much? I don’t expect anything from her. But you mentioned so proudly on Sunday that Annie send me TWO gifts. I just want you to know I’m very disappointed that you are ok with that gifts. That’s why I mentioned the price as well. My birthday and Mother’s Day are always near by. Sometimes same day or sometimes few day apart. Is that too much that I asked you more thoughtful gift from you? If you think that’s too much , forget about this conversation. I think I’ve never treated you like this.
Me [2:03am] You’ve treated me way worse in my life. You didn’t wait for a text. You wanted to text me to make me feel bad. You had a bad morning. Maybe a bad night. You didn’t feel like I cared or people cared. Or maybe something else happened. And you wanted me to feel bad.
But your happiness is not my responsibility.
Your birthday is not a free pass to send guilt tripping texts to me and expect nice texts back. Annie sent you poison? She sent you a 4.5 star tonesunscreen with thousands of nice reviews. She was just trying to send something nice. It’s not expensive. But you say it’s not about money? Then why are you crying about it?
No one said “happy birthday” yet? The day wasn’t over. Why text me only? Barry[My brother] didn’t call until 5pm.
No one else gave you a good gift? Or are you comparing it with gifts that you’ve given to Annie? Then you give revenge-gifts. If that’s it then don’t ever give Annie and I anything ever again. You just wanted a dinner? I’m on the other side of the country.
Should I text you on my birthday asking why my mailbox is empty? Should I ask abpa[dad] the last 20 years where’s my present? Should I try and make you or abpa feel bad on my birthday if I’m unhappy? No, of course not. None of those is how a mature person behaves. Because my happiness is not your responsibility.
“Just want a text to acknowledge and congratulate”. You didn’t wait for any text. You chose to start upset.
Why didn’t you text Barry? if it’s just the text of happy birthday? You scared of his response?
I know why you’re not scared of me. 5 years of therapy to learn the way you used me as an emotional punching bag.
Your birthday morning wasn’t the way you wanted. Your gift wasn’t the way you wanted. You didn’t feel like anyone cared. Whoever you talked to. Whatever happened. You were unhappy. So you sent those texts to me.
You try to make me feel bad when you’re unhappy with your life. Why? When you used to have a hard day at work. Bad [customer]. Bad traffic. Bad interaction with coworkers/boss. Bad talk with abpa[dad], grandma, Frank hyung(older cousin who lived with us). Who do you think received your anger for no fucking reason? If I did all my homework, played [instrument 1], practiced [instrument 2], got good grades, did all my kumon(after school homework) did you know it doesn’t matter what I did, if YOU had a bad day?
If I’m watching tv, or playing a game, if you have a bad day, then my day has to be a bad day. Because people around you can’t be happy when you’re miserable. Not people that you can control. And controlling me was all you had. Even as I got older. Not allowed to leave the house.
You couldn’t control the language or culture out of the house, you couldn’t control grandma, frank hyung, or abpa in the house. your whole life, you couldn’t control too much.
So you controlled what? me. a kid. And as soon as hitting me didn’t make me cry you just tried to control my emotions to make me cry.
2010 May [day retracted]. Fight with abpa in the morning, he leaves the house. So you go down to the basement to yell at your son for not getting you a cake.
Junior in college crying, guilty in the basement buying you cake. That’s what you wanted. Someone you controlled. Someone to be miserable because you were miserable.
5 years of therapy in my late 20s to learn you’re the reason I don’t notice when women step all over me. I grew up used to it. Bad women relationships, weak sense of self, emotional abuse, angry all the time. Parents like you made Asian Americans the least likely to become managers in the USA (context: I became one in my later 20s). No confidence. No inner strength. Just quiet private anger. A young man clenching his fists, holding his tongue, and listening to orders.
Constantly blame others, blame myself. Always angry. Always yelling at [dog1]/[dog2], always trying to control them when I’m upset. Critical of everything, everyone, myself, never feeling like I’m enough or okay. Because growing up I was constantly on the receiving end of anger that I didn’t create. Don’t talk back. Don’t look at the eyes. Look at the wall. Never right. Always wrong. But every year I’m fixing that a little bit. Why? Because now I’m responsible for my own happiness.
I refuse to stay a bad dad to [dog2].
No more blaming, just thinking and working. being confident. fighting back. defending mself. speaking out. Looking at people in the eye.
Yesterday you didn’t feel good. So I was the one who did something terrible for your birthday? Hmm. I was going to call just like Barry did. You’re sad about the gift? You feel like no one cares. Why is it that I’m the only one that got those texts. You think your message was going to create apologies and happy birthdays from me? No. I don’t think so. You just wanted me to feel bad. Because you felt bad. You like controlling me. And affecting my emotions.
It’s why I left home many years ago. And you still have old habits. You wanted me to feel bad. You did the same thing talking about the [old project] community a few years ago. When you don’t feel happy. You try to make me feel bad.
But I’m old enough to know now that I didn’t do anything to deserve that yesterday. And you’re not allowed to step on me like that anymore. I’m not some weak 21 year old that’s crying in the basement buying you cake. I told Annie not to call. Your negative behavior is not allowed in my life.
Every day I work to undo things from my past. You’ve stepped on me your whole life. Made me a very scared, very angry young man. People like that never make it in the world successfully. They have all kinds of problems. But I want this to be very clear. I am going to be successful. I am going to be a [retracted]. I am going to make a positive difference in this world for those who are positive to others. And It will be despite all that you’ve done to me. It will happen because I will surround myself with peace, and positivity. Not negativity and manipulation. Through peace and for others, I will work harder than you or abpa or anyone you have ever known has ever done in their entire lives.
But If I don’t make it, that’s on me. If I’m unhappy today, that’s on me. If I lack something today, that’s me. I have to choose to be better. I have to work harder. Cause I’m responsible for my happiness.
You can choose whether or not you want to be negative or positive person moving forward in my life. That’s your choice. You want to step on me? Try to bring me down when you feel down? That’s your choice. But it’s my choice whether or not to let you be in my life.
you being unhappy yesterday morning. That’s you. That’s your choice. Acting the way you did. trying to make your son feel bad. That’s all you. You’re responsible for your own happiness. I didn’t do anything yesterday to deserve your texts trying to pull me down.
This is my last text about this. This conversation is over. Say one more thing about this that doesn’t resemble an apology and I’m not going on the [family trip]. Keep telling me youre an “innocent victim” “all I wanted was a happy birthday text” and you won’t hear from me for years. Be responsible for your actions. I have no room for your negative emotional manipulation in my life.
Mom [7:14am] Annie…. Very first gift from her was well known brand toner. That gave me bad skin reaction so I had to throw it out. I don’t want to talk to her about it because I appreciated what she wanted to try. But next time when I saw her in las Vegas I told her that her sun screen lotion ( what she used at that time) gave me a bad reaction so I can not use it. Last year when Maggie gave her 화장품 (toiletry) as a birthday gift she said that thanks but she can not use it because she has allergic reactions. Which is understandable but she’s still doing same thing to me. I don’t know who mentioned about good reviews or you found out your self. That doesn’t mean it’s good for me. She and I didn’t talk that much anything so far only few subject. I feel like she doesn’t care. I don’t know why you guys decided to send gift more than a month before. And how you said she send me two gifts made me so upset.
Barry… Barry and I talked about our birthday on the phone last week how it was good at last year’s dinner. He planned but eventually Appa paid( I mentioned who paid because you don’t get wrong info. ) and the way he always said skipping one year is not end of the world. We laughed about it. And he said next time we gonna have a good time. He called at 5 pm on my birthday I know as soon as he woke up he called me.
You mentioned why Barry is ok. Did I scare him? Come on… he is not saying nice words all the time but he is very thoughtful person. I think you agree with this.
You… I really sorry that you have all bad memories about me and your youth. I can not go back and I can not fix it now. I’m thinking back that days if I can live again maybe react little differently like I treated Maggie. As a first child you had a lot bad experiences. I agreed. But don’t say your life was miserable because of ME all the time. If you think this way there’s no reason to see me. I’m really happy to see, hear and feel that you’re working hard, being healthy and having enjoyable life. I want you to be a healther, happier and more successful person than right now. That’s no matter why we talked about right now. But I really want to make a point that don’t say I had bad morning or bad night before that’s why text you like that. Maybe you’re right. I had bad night before. After talked on the phone with you (as I told you before ). I felt disappointed so much. You keep saying you felt bad because of my text, why I didn’t wait? Calling to me is part of your daily plan. You keep saying I made you feel bad because I had anger problems or bad days. You’ve never thought about “what did I do wrong or did I miss anything?” You said you away from me how can I buy dinner? Same as easy to buy on line ( by Amazon) any merchandise. There’s tons of way to offer , you can make a reservation any restaurant or even you can send money 100- 200 dollars. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think it’s going to hurt you financially. Last year I waited until last minute that Annie would text me any word. No. That didn’t happen. If I waited until you call this year what’s the difference? I want more than hearing your voice is too much. Sorry that I think that way. And not being adult I ordered Rolex watch for next years your birthday gift and I was so excited about it. Maybe that’s why I’m expecting more than what you’re in mind about me. You are right. That’s all my problems.
[7:45am] If you don’t want to come [familytrip] , don’t spend time with family I can not force you to come. But don’t say if I don’t apologize you don’t come. Is new way to threaten? Come on [my name]. This is really too much.
Me [10:02am] There’s a difference between threats and boundaries. No one is allowed to be in my life to spend their energy trying to bring me down. Who would do something like that? My own mother. No we aren’t going on the [trip]. (context: all the tickets and arrangements have been purchased, this isn't some cop out, it's non-refundable, nothing to do with money on anyone's side)
You want to continue the conversation after I said I was done? Actions and consequences: Annie and I are very unthoughtful and uncaring to give you a skin care gift again. I’ll tell her exactly what happened. I’ll have her read every message. And understand what we did wrong. I’ll make sure we feel terrible today. I’ll make sure she remembers it forever. I will make sure my wife cries for your sadness and for our mistakes. We’re a bad son/wife who don’t care about my mother’s birthday and mother’s day. Your message has been fully received. We will feel sorry, we will cry and we will feel bad for you. I will struggle to work for my job. I will struggle to do my projects, and teach my students, I will think all day and all night about how sad this is. About this conversation, about our gift, about your gifts, about the phone call, the texts, mother’s day, your birthday, my birthdays. last year your birthday when we were in [another country]. I will struggle to eat and sleep properly. I know Annie and how sensitive she is. She will struggle and cry too. Your son and his wife will feel terrible about your birthday. Your message will be successful. You’ve brought the world down around you. Congratulations. Just like old times. Everyone is sad now. "You’re right.”
I will say one last thing as your son: be careful about hurting the people around you when you have a bad day. If you keep tearing the world around you down, there isn’t going to be a world left.
You and I are not going in the same direction.
I’m trying to learn how to be positive, hardworking, successful, strong, encouraging and helping others. Trying to be a little more positive everyday. Maybe I will never get there. But I will try. You want to spend your time fixating on me saying “two gifts”. You want to spend your time staring at the boxes, and sending pictures. You want to spend your time comparing, looking at costs, pitying yourself and telling people around you how terrible they are on your birthday. I guess that drama is something you want. Not me. You and I are on different paths.
After Annie and I cry for what we did. My boundary is this, I will never let you do this to me again. That will be the last scar. We will remember every year on your birthday, and remind ourselves how terrible and uncaring we were. I will remember that you wanted me to know and feel that. Every year I will remember but that will be the last scar you ever leave on me. You should return the Rolex. I will never use it, I will never wear it, I will throw it out instantly. To me it’s a poisonous gift. Don’t ever give me or Annie any gifts for the rest of my life.
We will smile and not forget that those past gifts were given out of your care and thoughtfulness. We will remember you did your best and wanted to do nice things in your way. but we will be sad with you. And be unable to use your gifts because your gifts comes with weight, revenge and paybacks. And we cannot accept them. You did everything right. You’re a good mom. We are just bad people. We never earned them or paid you back in our thoughtfulness for them. All gifts you have given me and her, we will stop using today.
I will not be receiving your messages anymore. Goodbye
[Blocked from phone/all social media.]
AITAH. Reminder do not talk bad about anyone else. I'll delete those comments. This is just about whether or not I did the right thing.
submitted by CleanElk3560 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Save your judgment for me. Context: I'm 35M. first born. I left home after a huge fight with my mom after college. I was homeless for a bit. We've since reconciled. But I suppose not anymore. There's history there.
I'm only posting to see if what I did was wrong.
All names have been replaced and are not real. Other details like dates and places that are personally identifiable will be removed/changed. There are two languages: I will always show the original and translate as fairly as I can.
It is relevant for fairness to share that my mom is 3 hours ahead of me. I'm west coast, she's east coast. (10am for me it's 1pm for her) My time will be shown in the messages.
I will keep all messages exact and unedited, outside of the above.
I repeat: DO NOT INSULT MY MOM OR WIFE OR FAMILY. am I the asshole. nothing about them. just me.
On Mom's Birthday:
Mom [10:43am] it's mom's birthday but nothing is here (original: 엄마 생일인데 아무것도 없어.) [10:52am] [Picture of kitchen island with boxed tonesunscreen on it] [10:53am] (Mom is/I am) really sad. This is what Annie sent me for a gift. $10-20 toiletries. Something I don't even use. (original: 엄마 많이 섭섭해. 이게 [name]가 보낸 선물이야. $10-20 짜리 화장품. 엄마 이거 쓰지도 않는데.)
Me [11:51am] She got the same thing she got for you and her mom. Throw it out and I'll make sure to buy something nicer for you.
Mom [12:03pm] If she or her mom got the thing then I should get the same thing. I'm not Annie or Annie's mom. I'm your mom. You shouldn't treat me like this. [12:07pm] Not even one happy birthday said. (original: 생일 축하한단 말 한마디 없이.)
Me [12:56pm] call (no answer) [1:11pm] call (no answer)
Next day:
Mom [5:10am] I didn't answer the phone yesterday because I felt like I'm crying. I don’t want to talk like that with you. When you got married Annie I tried to treat her as an our family member. I know I can not treat her same as Maggie (my sister). But last year she didn’t say any word on my birthday. Even you and I talked on the phone. I didn’t want so much from her just as a family say good word on birthday wishes. This year same thing. And you, when you asked me what can I do for you ( maybe you forgot that even you asked) I literally said “다른거 필요 없고 무슨날 엄마 밥이나 사줘” (translation: I don't need anything just buy me some dinner some time) I’m not asking you expensive things. Don’t say throw them out but nicer things. You really missed the point.
Me [11:28am] You were upset because I didn’t do something for your birthday by 1040am on a Monday. It’s not about expensive things but you want to text a picture of the gift and say it’s $10-20. You got a gift, but no card. It’s cheap but it’s not about money. Annie’s a family member, how could she not text. Right after she texted happy mother’s day to you. Yesterday before dinner, Annie tells me “make sure you call your mom it’s her birthday”. I didn’t tell her what happened because I don’t gossip and talk bad about people behind their back. I call or text and wish a happy birthday to family. Like I’ve done every year. It’s the same as what everyone does for me. Sometimes I don’t get a call. Sometimes I don’t get a text. Sometimes the call/text comes a day later. Never did I text my family members in the morning asking why people didn’t do more for me. I’ll make sure to let Annie know about wishing happy birthday to you. In my screenshot is my daily goals from yesterday, I was excited about this week. One of those things was, of course, calling you for your birthday, just like I called for mother’s day. Two hours later while I’m in a work meeting with my boss, 1040am, I get a text from you telling me about how sad you are from my wife’s cheap gift and how I haven’t said happy birthday yet. Yesterday I woke up and went to work, and planned to call you after. You have a habit of disproportionately trying to make me feel bad. You’ve done it on your birthday before many years ago after you and abpa[dad in korean] had a fight. I was a college student and you took it out on me cause I was the easy target. You’re an adult. Your child can call later in the day to wish you a happy birthday. It’s not okay to text trying to make your son feel bad about not doing something sooner. [11:29am] [Screenshot of whatsapp conversation between me and my virtual assistant] [Screenshot start] [8:13am yesterday] Goals for Today, I want to be disciplined. It’s been a few weeks now since my conference and because of the conference and drinking there, I became slow and lost the energy to stay on top of my diet/exercise and morning routines that I was so happy and proud of. Let’s get back to that this week. Let’s work hard, let’s continue to set sights on big goals. I want to work on the 3 projects I have going right now. [personal project 1 company idea], [personal project 2 company idea], and [current company].
Today I will exercise 25 situps, 25 pushups, 25 curls, 25 shoulder press, and 25 squats. Today I will finish a few [work things] for [company]. Today I will teach class for [project 2] finish [lesson], and let folks know that there will not be class on wednesday. I will call my mom later today and wish her a happy birthday. I will also be going to my brother’s to take care of credit card points so that we can buy tickets for [trip], let’s work hard today and get a lot done. [Screenshot end]
Mom [4:09pm] My birthday is passed last year and this year. She didn’t text or say anything these two years. You may think that’s ok but not for me. I just expect to acknowledge these days and congrat each other. Is that too much? I don’t expect anything from her. But you mentioned so proudly on Sunday that Annie send me TWO gifts. I just want you to know I’m very disappointed that you are ok with that gifts. That’s why I mentioned the price as well. My birthday and Mother’s Day are always near by. Sometimes same day or sometimes few day apart. Is that too much that I asked you more thoughtful gift from you? If you think that’s too much , forget about this conversation. I think I’ve never treated you like this.
Me [2:03am] You’ve treated me way worse in my life. You didn’t wait for a text. You wanted to text me to make me feel bad. You had a bad morning. Maybe a bad night. You didn’t feel like I cared or people cared. Or maybe something else happened. And you wanted me to feel bad.
But your happiness is not my responsibility.
Your birthday is not a free pass to send guilt tripping texts to me and expect nice texts back. Annie sent you poison? She sent you a 4.5 star tonesunscreen with thousands of nice reviews. She was just trying to send something nice. It’s not expensive. But you say it’s not about money? Then why are you crying about it?
No one said “happy birthday” yet? The day wasn’t over. Why text me only? Barry[My brother] didn’t call until 5pm.
No one else gave you a good gift? Or are you comparing it with gifts that you’ve given to Annie? Then you give revenge-gifts. If that’s it then don’t ever give Annie and I anything ever again. You just wanted a dinner? I’m on the other side of the country.
Should I text you on my birthday asking why my mailbox is empty? Should I ask abpa[dad] the last 20 years where’s my present? Should I try and make you or abpa feel bad on my birthday if I’m unhappy? No, of course not. None of those is how a mature person behaves. Because my happiness is not your responsibility.
“Just want a text to acknowledge and congratulate”. You didn’t wait for any text. You chose to start upset.
Why didn’t you text Barry? if it’s just the text of happy birthday? You scared of his response?
I know why you’re not scared of me. 5 years of therapy to learn the way you used me as an emotional punching bag.
Your birthday morning wasn’t the way you wanted. Your gift wasn’t the way you wanted. You didn’t feel like anyone cared. Whoever you talked to. Whatever happened. You were unhappy. So you sent those texts to me.
You try to make me feel bad when you’re unhappy with your life. Why? When you used to have a hard day at work. Bad [customer]. Bad traffic. Bad interaction with coworkers/boss. Bad talk with abpa[dad], grandma, Frank hyung(older cousin who lived with us). Who do you think received your anger for no fucking reason? If I did all my homework, played [instrument 1], practiced [instrument 2], got good grades, did all my kumon(after school homework) did you know it doesn’t matter what I did, if YOU had a bad day?
If I’m watching tv, or playing a game, if you have a bad day, then my day has to be a bad day. Because people around you can’t be happy when you’re miserable. Not people that you can control. And controlling me was all you had. Even as I got older. Not allowed to leave the house.
You couldn’t control the language or culture out of the house, you couldn’t control grandma, frank hyung, or abpa in the house. your whole life, you couldn’t control too much.
So you controlled what? me. a kid. And as soon as hitting me didn’t make me cry you just tried to control my emotions to make me cry.
2010 May [day retracted]. Fight with abpa in the morning, he leaves the house. So you go down to the basement to yell at your son for not getting you a cake.
Junior in college crying, guilty in the basement buying you cake. That’s what you wanted. Someone you controlled. Someone to be miserable because you were miserable.
5 years of therapy in my late 20s to learn you’re the reason I don’t notice when women step all over me. I grew up used to it. Bad women relationships, weak sense of self, emotional abuse, angry all the time. Parents like you made Asian Americans the least likely to become managers in the USA (context: I became one in my later 20s). No confidence. No inner strength. Just quiet private anger. A young man clenching his fists, holding his tongue, and listening to orders.
Constantly blame others, blame myself. Always angry. Always yelling at [dog1]/[dog2], always trying to control them when I’m upset. Critical of everything, everyone, myself, never feeling like I’m enough or okay. Because growing up I was constantly on the receiving end of anger that I didn’t create. Don’t talk back. Don’t look at the eyes. Look at the wall. Never right. Always wrong. But every year I’m fixing that a little bit. Why? Because now I’m responsible for my own happiness.
I refuse to stay a bad dad to [dog2].
No more blaming, just thinking and working. being confident. fighting back. defending mself. speaking out. Looking at people in the eye.
Yesterday you didn’t feel good. So I was the one who did something terrible for your birthday? Hmm. I was going to call just like Barry did. You’re sad about the gift? You feel like no one cares. Why is it that I’m the only one that got those texts. You think your message was going to create apologies and happy birthdays from me? No. I don’t think so. You just wanted me to feel bad. Because you felt bad. You like controlling me. And affecting my emotions.
It’s why I left home many years ago. And you still have old habits. You wanted me to feel bad. You did the same thing talking about the [old project] community a few years ago. When you don’t feel happy. You try to make me feel bad.
But I’m old enough to know now that I didn’t do anything to deserve that yesterday. And you’re not allowed to step on me like that anymore. I’m not some weak 21 year old that’s crying in the basement buying you cake. I told Annie not to call. Your negative behavior is not allowed in my life.
Every day I work to undo things from my past. You’ve stepped on me your whole life. Made me a very scared, very angry young man. People like that never make it in the world successfully. They have all kinds of problems. But I want this to be very clear. I am going to be successful. I am going to be a [retracted]. I am going to make a positive difference in this world for those who are positive to others. And It will be despite all that you’ve done to me. It will happen because I will surround myself with peace, and positivity. Not negativity and manipulation. Through peace and for others, I will work harder than you or abpa or anyone you have ever known has ever done in their entire lives.
But If I don’t make it, that’s on me. If I’m unhappy today, that’s on me. If I lack something today, that’s me. I have to choose to be better. I have to work harder. Cause I’m responsible for my happiness.
You can choose whether or not you want to be negative or positive person moving forward in my life. That’s your choice. You want to step on me? Try to bring me down when you feel down? That’s your choice. But it’s my choice whether or not to let you be in my life.
you being unhappy yesterday morning. That’s you. That’s your choice. Acting the way you did. trying to make your son feel bad. That’s all you. You’re responsible for your own happiness. I didn’t do anything yesterday to deserve your texts trying to pull me down.
This is my last text about this. This conversation is over. Say one more thing about this that doesn’t resemble an apology and I’m not going on the [family trip]. Keep telling me youre an “innocent victim” “all I wanted was a happy birthday text” and you won’t hear from me for years. Be responsible for your actions. I have no room for your negative emotional manipulation in my life.
Mom [7:14am] Annie…. Very first gift from her was well known brand toner. That gave me bad skin reaction so I had to throw it out. I don’t want to talk to her about it because I appreciated what she wanted to try. But next time when I saw her in las Vegas I told her that her sun screen lotion ( what she used at that time) gave me a bad reaction so I can not use it. Last year when Maggie gave her 화장품 (toiletry) as a birthday gift she said that thanks but she can not use it because she has allergic reactions. Which is understandable but she’s still doing same thing to me. I don’t know who mentioned about good reviews or you found out your self. That doesn’t mean it’s good for me. She and I didn’t talk that much anything so far only few subject. I feel like she doesn’t care. I don’t know why you guys decided to send gift more than a month before. And how you said she send me two gifts made me so upset.
Barry… Barry and I talked about our birthday on the phone last week how it was good at last year’s dinner. He planned but eventually Appa paid( I mentioned who paid because you don’t get wrong info. ) and the way he always said skipping one year is not end of the world. We laughed about it. And he said next time we gonna have a good time. He called at 5 pm on my birthday I know as soon as he woke up he called me.
You mentioned why Barry is ok. Did I scare him? Come on… he is not saying nice words all the time but he is very thoughtful person. I think you agree with this.
You… I really sorry that you have all bad memories about me and your youth. I can not go back and I can not fix it now. I’m thinking back that days if I can live again maybe react little differently like I treated Maggie. As a first child you had a lot bad experiences. I agreed. But don’t say your life was miserable because of ME all the time. If you think this way there’s no reason to see me. I’m really happy to see, hear and feel that you’re working hard, being healthy and having enjoyable life. I want you to be a healther, happier and more successful person than right now. That’s no matter why we talked about right now. But I really want to make a point that don’t say I had bad morning or bad night before that’s why text you like that. Maybe you’re right. I had bad night before. After talked on the phone with you (as I told you before ). I felt disappointed so much. You keep saying you felt bad because of my text, why I didn’t wait? Calling to me is part of your daily plan. You keep saying I made you feel bad because I had anger problems or bad days. You’ve never thought about “what did I do wrong or did I miss anything?” You said you away from me how can I buy dinner? Same as easy to buy on line ( by Amazon) any merchandise. There’s tons of way to offer , you can make a reservation any restaurant or even you can send money 100- 200 dollars. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think it’s going to hurt you financially. Last year I waited until last minute that Annie would text me any word. No. That didn’t happen. If I waited until you call this year what’s the difference? I want more than hearing your voice is too much. Sorry that I think that way. And not being adult I ordered Rolex watch for next years your birthday gift and I was so excited about it. Maybe that’s why I’m expecting more than what you’re in mind about me. You are right. That’s all my problems.
[7:45am] If you don’t want to come [familytrip] , don’t spend time with family I can not force you to come. But don’t say if I don’t apologize you don’t come. Is new way to threaten? Come on [my name]. This is really too much.
Me [10:02am] There’s a difference between threats and boundaries. No one is allowed to be in my life to spend their energy trying to bring me down. Who would do something like that? My own mother. No we aren’t going on the [trip]. (context: all the tickets and arrangements have been purchased, this isn't some cop out, it's non-refundable, nothing to do with money on anyone's side)
You want to continue the conversation after I said I was done? Actions and consequences: Annie and I are very unthoughtful and uncaring to give you a skin care gift again. I’ll tell her exactly what happened. I’ll have her read every message. And understand what we did wrong. I’ll make sure we feel terrible today. I’ll make sure she remembers it forever. I will make sure my wife cries for your sadness and for our mistakes. We’re a bad son/wife who don’t care about my mother’s birthday and mother’s day. Your message has been fully received. We will feel sorry, we will cry and we will feel bad for you. I will struggle to work for my job. I will struggle to do my projects, and teach my students, I will think all day and all night about how sad this is. About this conversation, about our gift, about your gifts, about the phone call, the texts, mother’s day, your birthday, my birthdays. last year your birthday when we were in [another country]. I will struggle to eat and sleep properly. I know Annie and how sensitive she is. She will struggle and cry too. Your son and his wife will feel terrible about your birthday. Your message will be successful. You’ve brought the world down around you. Congratulations. Just like old times. Everyone is sad now. "You’re right.”
I will say one last thing as your son: be careful about hurting the people around you when you have a bad day. If you keep tearing the world around you down, there isn’t going to be a world left.
You and I are not going in the same direction.
I’m trying to learn how to be positive, hardworking, successful, strong, encouraging and helping others. Trying to be a little more positive everyday. Maybe I will never get there. But I will try. You want to spend your time fixating on me saying “two gifts”. You want to spend your time staring at the boxes, and sending pictures. You want to spend your time comparing, looking at costs, pitying yourself and telling people around you how terrible they are on your birthday. I guess that drama is something you want. Not me. You and I are on different paths.
After Annie and I cry for what we did. My boundary is this, I will never let you do this to me again. That will be the last scar. We will remember every year on your birthday, and remind ourselves how terrible and uncaring we were. I will remember that you wanted me to know and feel that. Every year I will remember but that will be the last scar you ever leave on me. You should return the Rolex. I will never use it, I will never wear it, I will throw it out instantly. To me it’s a poisonous gift. Don’t ever give me or Annie any gifts for the rest of my life.
We will smile and not forget that those past gifts were given out of your care and thoughtfulness. We will remember you did your best and wanted to do nice things in your way. but we will be sad with you. And be unable to use your gifts because your gifts comes with weight, revenge and paybacks. And we cannot accept them. You did everything right. You’re a good mom. We are just bad people. We never earned them or paid you back in our thoughtfulness for them. All gifts you have given me and her, we will stop using today.
I will not be receiving your messages anymore. Goodbye
[Blocked from phone/all social media.]
2024.05.15 23:08 AutumnFanatic [22/M4F] Hi! Cute nerdy guy who gets zero social interaction looking for a female interested in forming an intimate connection
Why did the farmer visit the pharmacy? To speak with the farm-assist.
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking in female connection and interaction. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing at work since there's nothing really going on and thinking about going home tonight and burning a woodwick candle. Perfect for when there's a storm outside. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a relationship and something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
As you can tell, I am very mature for my age and am polite and have good grammar which unfortunately not everyone my age does anymore lol. I am not active at all on social media/internet culture really and don't know much about all the slang the younger people these days use. I feel like I'm 50. 🤣
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature, especially for my age which is why I'm open to older ladies.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera! I'm gonna try and photograph the northern lights tonight!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.
submitted by AutumnFanatic to MeetNewPeopleHere [link] [comments]
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking in female connection and interaction. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing at work since there's nothing really going on and thinking about going home tonight and burning a woodwick candle. Perfect for when there's a storm outside. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a relationship and something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
As you can tell, I am very mature for my age and am polite and have good grammar which unfortunately not everyone my age does anymore lol. I am not active at all on social media/internet culture really and don't know much about all the slang the younger people these days use. I feel like I'm 50. 🤣
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature, especially for my age which is why I'm open to older ladies.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera! I'm gonna try and photograph the northern lights tonight!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.
2024.05.15 23:07 LiteratureNearby874 AITA for "overreacting" after a "apologizing" to my younger coworker?
For some context, this happened about two years ago and I have been dealing with this for a hot minute. My friends Kyle(M22) and Eve(F21) keep telling me that I have "blown this out of proportion" and I had apologized afterwards.
I(F23; currently F25), Ryan(M26), and Alice (F17) used to work together at a gym and we bonded over workouts and conversations about dating, relationships, and life. I had mentioned to Alice a couple of NSFW details about my life when I was seeing multiple people after a breakup, mentioned that I thought Ryan was flirting with me, and talked to her about our experiences both being bisexual women in the dating world. I made the assumption that Alice was older based on the nature of our conversations. However, I think Alice mentioned that that she was turning either 18 or 19 in a couple of months. I felt uncomfortable with afterwards when I was unsure about her age. Regardless, I approached her privately and wanted to make sure that she wasn't uncomfortable. She said that she was "totally fine" and I set some serious boundaries with her after. I didn't talk about my dating life afterwards and we remained friendly until she left that summer.
A couple of months later, I reached out to a couple of mutual friends to confirm Alice's age because I wanted to make sure I was correct about. I reached a friend who I thought who knew her and mentioned that I think she was around 19 and he was like "oh cool same here!". I had asked Ryan whether he had Alice's phone number (i didn't mention that i wanted to apologize) and mentioned that she was around 17 instead of being 19.
Alice popped up on my instagram "suggested for you" recently since we both followed out workplace. I had followed her and sent her a DM being like "hey its been a hot minute" . I then freaked out and then deleted the message". About a week later, I had accidentally unfollowed her, i followed her again, and then unfollowed her. Did I overblow this? Did I traumatize someone?
submitted by LiteratureNearby874 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I(F23; currently F25), Ryan(M26), and Alice (F17) used to work together at a gym and we bonded over workouts and conversations about dating, relationships, and life. I had mentioned to Alice a couple of NSFW details about my life when I was seeing multiple people after a breakup, mentioned that I thought Ryan was flirting with me, and talked to her about our experiences both being bisexual women in the dating world. I made the assumption that Alice was older based on the nature of our conversations. However, I think Alice mentioned that that she was turning either 18 or 19 in a couple of months. I felt uncomfortable with afterwards when I was unsure about her age. Regardless, I approached her privately and wanted to make sure that she wasn't uncomfortable. She said that she was "totally fine" and I set some serious boundaries with her after. I didn't talk about my dating life afterwards and we remained friendly until she left that summer.
A couple of months later, I reached out to a couple of mutual friends to confirm Alice's age because I wanted to make sure I was correct about. I reached a friend who I thought who knew her and mentioned that I think she was around 19 and he was like "oh cool same here!". I had asked Ryan whether he had Alice's phone number (i didn't mention that i wanted to apologize) and mentioned that she was around 17 instead of being 19.
Alice popped up on my instagram "suggested for you" recently since we both followed out workplace. I had followed her and sent her a DM being like "hey its been a hot minute" . I then freaked out and then deleted the message". About a week later, I had accidentally unfollowed her, i followed her again, and then unfollowed her. Did I overblow this? Did I traumatize someone?
2024.05.15 23:02 ZedGardner Homemade Dog Food Recipe, please rate and suggest quantity for larger dog
I have 3 dogs; 2 mini dachshunds and an elderly lab pit mix. My dachshunds have food allergies so I make their food. My elderly lab/pit has been having a lot of stomach problems with diarrhea and vomiting (been to vet and have changed food several times to correct but nothing store bought is working). This is the recipe I feed my little dogs and I was thinking of trying with my senior girl, I am just not sure how much to give her. She weighs around 75 lbs. I make about 20 lbs at a time in big batches and freeze what I am not using until 2 days ahead.
8 lbs browned Ground turkey 5 cups (uncooked measurement) of rice cooked per package directions 1 cup barley (uncooked measurement) cooked per package instructions 3 cans of green beans drained 2 bananas 1 pint of cottage cheese 1 large sweet potato baked or steamed until soft 1 cup frozen blueberries Two bags frozen peas and carrots Collagen powder supplement Glucosamine supplement.
I use a stick blender to combine it all and separate into 3ish pound containers. The littles eat a combined 8-10 oz a day split up in two servings each with a little dollop of plain Greek yogurt at night (for probiotics) on top.
submitted by ZedGardner to HomemadeDogFood [link] [comments]
8 lbs browned Ground turkey 5 cups (uncooked measurement) of rice cooked per package directions 1 cup barley (uncooked measurement) cooked per package instructions 3 cans of green beans drained 2 bananas 1 pint of cottage cheese 1 large sweet potato baked or steamed until soft 1 cup frozen blueberries Two bags frozen peas and carrots Collagen powder supplement Glucosamine supplement.
I use a stick blender to combine it all and separate into 3ish pound containers. The littles eat a combined 8-10 oz a day split up in two servings each with a little dollop of plain Greek yogurt at night (for probiotics) on top.
2024.05.15 23:01 Key-Bit51 AITA for wanting help with cleaning?
Quick context I'm breastfeeding, I'm currently sick with mastitis. We have 4 kids 12, 8, 3 and 6m. Yes we're done having kids. I have baby fever with a 6m old. Husband works all day on concrete with bad knees. As in they need to be replaced. I'm currently trying to throw a birthday party for my older kids on the cheap because their birthdays are in the middle of winter and house is small. Pizza parties are about $100-$150ea and at home $75 for both kids. I have tried talking to him about doing something during their birth months but we were tight. The following is our conversation.
Wife, This party is very important to the kids.
I'm going to need your help. I'm so exhausted from being sick and trying to get son to help is like fighting a monkey for the last banana. I need help cleaning
Husband, This is more important to than the kids hun stop lying to yourself and others. This is more for you than the kids. I was 100% not for it. I help but, for fuck sake I'm not f******g happy about it.
Wife, I'm doing it for them! Why would it be for me? Parents drop off and pretty much run. Nvm forget I asked.
Husband, Wife no one does this
Wife, Does what? Throw a birthday party for their kids because they love them and can't afford a d*** pizza party on the month of their birthdays.
Husband, I never had giant extravagant birthdays. I had family that was it. This concept of kids missing out on things, I don't understand what they are missing out on. They have so much more than I did at their age. NO ITS NOT THEIR D*** BIRTHDAY! It's no one's birthday. We could have done something on there birthday. Never had a problem when we had 2 extra kids over.
Wife, It's not extravagant. Food, cake. pretty much it and play outside. Fine you invite six children exactly like son (very adhd) and try to throw that inside the house no. I just need help cleaning stuff.That should already be done but nobody cares. On the maid of a f****** house.If i'm not doing it nobody else is. I should never even laid in bed on mother's day. I expected too much of everybody. I'm done asking for help drop it. Okay try that with her two friends plus six more. Too much too many people. Literally hamburgers hot dogs and a cake couple of hours. Going all out would've been 100%.Decorations would have been ice cream on top of that would have been me renting a bounce house or something, no. I'm not going all out. I guess what things cleaned up and I can't do anything.I'm sick. I can't get this house cleaned because i'm sick. Now I feel like the bad person for just wanting to clean house. What's the point of having a house and nobody will keep it cleanish. What's the point of cooking dinner? Nobody's gonna eat it.I don't bother coming over pissed off go to tyler'sI'm done. I won't ask you for anything anymore
Husband, Fine wife I will here and work there. I will work till you are happy. You want another kid? Sure let's do it. I'll get a second job to support them all I will not see you ever because I will be sleeping in car after I clean the house.
Wife, I already said don't bother. I'm done asking you for help.
Husband, Wife you make shit more harder on your self than you think then blame it on me or kids. You have more time sitting and laying down than anyone else in that house. Yes you feel like s, WE all feel like s even at work everyone is f**g miserable from allergies and heat. I will help you get s done at home, bit don't think for second that you are god damn Cinderella and I'm the evil step mother. If that's how you want it you get a job and I will be the maid at home. You always make me feel guilty about leaving you everyday to work while you get to stay home. Then say that I make you feel guilty for not doing enough around the house.
Wife, I don't sit on my ass all day long. Breastfeeding, waiting till kids go off to school while I drink my coffee and sometimes trying to get toddler to take his naps. Also, my mind will never function like yours. It's 10x harder for me to do these never-ending chores daily. But yet nobody will lift a finger to help me when I'm sick. You know damn well I'd go to work at the mill if they would allow it. I'd bag all day if I had to. If I do get a job it would only to pay for child care, medical, and food. That's if I'm lucky to make enough to cover all that. Yes I want you home all the time but that isn't going to happen I'm sorry for making you feel guilty for having to go to work. I just don't want to end up like mom and I don't want the house to look like a hoarder lives here. Yes mess is to be expected. I'm not asking for much but everyone makes seem like I am. Everyone lives here not just me.
Husband, I didn't say you do all day. I said out of everyone in the house you do the most.
Wife, Not that I want to either
Husband, Also, I help you quite alot when you sick and in general. But I guys it's just small potatoes to you.
Wife, What I see so you know and inform me what I miss.
Mom's asleep leave her alone
Mom not feeling good just change their diaper
Here's some water
Rub my feet or legs occasionally (thank you)
Made me cup of coffee
Take the trash out on trash day
Changing kids diapers
What am I missing?
Husband, Wow ok nevermind I'm human garbage. Besides working to pay off everything and buying you and the kids s***, paying bills. I don't do anything.
Wife, I'm not talking work. I'm talking when I'm down and can't do things
Husband, Well you don't communicate worth a s*** for to know what you want or what needs to be done. Just what ever wife.
Wife, You see the mess Dirty counters Sink full of dishes Laundry piling up Dog hair all over the floors Dirty bathrooms It's right there. This it's your home too. Thought you would want it kept to a certain level of clean. Guess we don't think alike on what needs to stay clean or what can be somewhat messy.
Husband, For years I was the only one who did that in a house of 4 adults and I never got help. Praised for cleaning so well that your dad would get sick from eating off them. I was the only one who would clean and now that it's been 15 years roughly I'm the complete ass. I'm the only one who brings home an income. I buy you pretty much anything you want or need. There is sooo much more I can say wife. This is not 50/50 like you want it to be this is 80/20 you don't have much do to at home. YOU SIT AND LET IT PILE UP TILL ITS A PROBLEM. I will be home later and I will do everything. If life is so bad what would you do if I was gone tomorrow? You don't put 8 hrs a day into anything and you spout out that it's not fair that I don't do more. You can give me all the excuses you want, I'm adhd, I can't focus, I need to start as a routine or I can't do it. You did just fine when my mom would yell at you and now she's gone it's my fault pretty much all the time. I'm ending this conversation here. Do not text me for the rest of the day. I will be home at 4:50 after getting dog food and I will stay up till the whole damn house is done to your standards.
Wife, Don't bother I said.
You yell at me for not asking for help and now when I do all I get is f*****g attitude. Just go sleep at friend or something.
AITA?
submitted by Key-Bit51 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
Wife, This party is very important to the kids.
I'm going to need your help. I'm so exhausted from being sick and trying to get son to help is like fighting a monkey for the last banana. I need help cleaning
Husband, This is more important to than the kids hun stop lying to yourself and others. This is more for you than the kids. I was 100% not for it. I help but, for fuck sake I'm not f******g happy about it.
Wife, I'm doing it for them! Why would it be for me? Parents drop off and pretty much run. Nvm forget I asked.
Husband, Wife no one does this
Wife, Does what? Throw a birthday party for their kids because they love them and can't afford a d*** pizza party on the month of their birthdays.
Husband, I never had giant extravagant birthdays. I had family that was it. This concept of kids missing out on things, I don't understand what they are missing out on. They have so much more than I did at their age. NO ITS NOT THEIR D*** BIRTHDAY! It's no one's birthday. We could have done something on there birthday. Never had a problem when we had 2 extra kids over.
Wife, It's not extravagant. Food, cake. pretty much it and play outside. Fine you invite six children exactly like son (very adhd) and try to throw that inside the house no. I just need help cleaning stuff.That should already be done but nobody cares. On the maid of a f****** house.If i'm not doing it nobody else is. I should never even laid in bed on mother's day. I expected too much of everybody. I'm done asking for help drop it. Okay try that with her two friends plus six more. Too much too many people. Literally hamburgers hot dogs and a cake couple of hours. Going all out would've been 100%.Decorations would have been ice cream on top of that would have been me renting a bounce house or something, no. I'm not going all out. I guess what things cleaned up and I can't do anything.I'm sick. I can't get this house cleaned because i'm sick. Now I feel like the bad person for just wanting to clean house. What's the point of having a house and nobody will keep it cleanish. What's the point of cooking dinner? Nobody's gonna eat it.I don't bother coming over pissed off go to tyler'sI'm done. I won't ask you for anything anymore
Husband, Fine wife I will here and work there. I will work till you are happy. You want another kid? Sure let's do it. I'll get a second job to support them all I will not see you ever because I will be sleeping in car after I clean the house.
Wife, I already said don't bother. I'm done asking you for help.
Husband, Wife you make shit more harder on your self than you think then blame it on me or kids. You have more time sitting and laying down than anyone else in that house. Yes you feel like s, WE all feel like s even at work everyone is f**g miserable from allergies and heat. I will help you get s done at home, bit don't think for second that you are god damn Cinderella and I'm the evil step mother. If that's how you want it you get a job and I will be the maid at home. You always make me feel guilty about leaving you everyday to work while you get to stay home. Then say that I make you feel guilty for not doing enough around the house.
Wife, I don't sit on my ass all day long. Breastfeeding, waiting till kids go off to school while I drink my coffee and sometimes trying to get toddler to take his naps. Also, my mind will never function like yours. It's 10x harder for me to do these never-ending chores daily. But yet nobody will lift a finger to help me when I'm sick. You know damn well I'd go to work at the mill if they would allow it. I'd bag all day if I had to. If I do get a job it would only to pay for child care, medical, and food. That's if I'm lucky to make enough to cover all that. Yes I want you home all the time but that isn't going to happen I'm sorry for making you feel guilty for having to go to work. I just don't want to end up like mom and I don't want the house to look like a hoarder lives here. Yes mess is to be expected. I'm not asking for much but everyone makes seem like I am. Everyone lives here not just me.
Husband, I didn't say you do all day. I said out of everyone in the house you do the most.
Wife, Not that I want to either
Husband, Also, I help you quite alot when you sick and in general. But I guys it's just small potatoes to you.
Wife, What I see so you know and inform me what I miss.
Mom's asleep leave her alone
Mom not feeling good just change their diaper
Here's some water
Rub my feet or legs occasionally (thank you)
Made me cup of coffee
Take the trash out on trash day
Changing kids diapers
What am I missing?
Husband, Wow ok nevermind I'm human garbage. Besides working to pay off everything and buying you and the kids s***, paying bills. I don't do anything.
Wife, I'm not talking work. I'm talking when I'm down and can't do things
Husband, Well you don't communicate worth a s*** for to know what you want or what needs to be done. Just what ever wife.
Wife, You see the mess Dirty counters Sink full of dishes Laundry piling up Dog hair all over the floors Dirty bathrooms It's right there. This it's your home too. Thought you would want it kept to a certain level of clean. Guess we don't think alike on what needs to stay clean or what can be somewhat messy.
Husband, For years I was the only one who did that in a house of 4 adults and I never got help. Praised for cleaning so well that your dad would get sick from eating off them. I was the only one who would clean and now that it's been 15 years roughly I'm the complete ass. I'm the only one who brings home an income. I buy you pretty much anything you want or need. There is sooo much more I can say wife. This is not 50/50 like you want it to be this is 80/20 you don't have much do to at home. YOU SIT AND LET IT PILE UP TILL ITS A PROBLEM. I will be home later and I will do everything. If life is so bad what would you do if I was gone tomorrow? You don't put 8 hrs a day into anything and you spout out that it's not fair that I don't do more. You can give me all the excuses you want, I'm adhd, I can't focus, I need to start as a routine or I can't do it. You did just fine when my mom would yell at you and now she's gone it's my fault pretty much all the time. I'm ending this conversation here. Do not text me for the rest of the day. I will be home at 4:50 after getting dog food and I will stay up till the whole damn house is done to your standards.
Wife, Don't bother I said.
You yell at me for not asking for help and now when I do all I get is f*****g attitude. Just go sleep at friend or something.
AITA?
2024.05.15 22:57 Red1220 ANA159 JFK to HND 13.5 hours, just landed.
Hi all,
I’ve been a follower of the sub for quite a while and I believe this is my first post here ever. I have had a massive fear of flying, it started when I went to Aviation High School in NYC and the 9/11 attacks occurred in full view of our classroom. Continuing in AHS didn’t help either as we were always learning how things can go wrong on a plane and how to fix them. I was completely grounded for almost a decade during my twenties. Then, about two years ago, I started traveling again, and as always was just white knuckling it.
I am proud to say that this flight was different. I was TERRIFIED of this long flight. I’ve been to Japan before so I have done this on a few occasions. For whatever reason this time, having had an existential crisis a few months back, I was really scared to go on this flight.
But I walked on it. And I owned it. I did not white knuckle it even once. I kept my eyes on a glass of water that was placed beside me and paid attention to the demeanor of the flight attendants. That’s it. No matter how bad the turbulence got, the water inside never spilled out and the cup never moved. Also, in a monumental first, I slept for a long time on this flight. I gave up control and placed it all in the pilots hands and the flight attendants hands. All was well. And no matter how bad the turbulence got I did not panic, my heart rate did not go up and I did not clutch the arm rests. Very very proud of myself this time out!
Special shout out to u/realgentleman80 for being awesome and also to the pilot (on another long flight to Doha last year) that, upon hearing that I was nervous before takeoff, invited me to the cockpit and talked with me and let me see the instruments and meet all the copilots.
Thanks guys!
submitted by Red1220 to fearofflying [link] [comments]
I’ve been a follower of the sub for quite a while and I believe this is my first post here ever. I have had a massive fear of flying, it started when I went to Aviation High School in NYC and the 9/11 attacks occurred in full view of our classroom. Continuing in AHS didn’t help either as we were always learning how things can go wrong on a plane and how to fix them. I was completely grounded for almost a decade during my twenties. Then, about two years ago, I started traveling again, and as always was just white knuckling it.
I am proud to say that this flight was different. I was TERRIFIED of this long flight. I’ve been to Japan before so I have done this on a few occasions. For whatever reason this time, having had an existential crisis a few months back, I was really scared to go on this flight.
But I walked on it. And I owned it. I did not white knuckle it even once. I kept my eyes on a glass of water that was placed beside me and paid attention to the demeanor of the flight attendants. That’s it. No matter how bad the turbulence got, the water inside never spilled out and the cup never moved. Also, in a monumental first, I slept for a long time on this flight. I gave up control and placed it all in the pilots hands and the flight attendants hands. All was well. And no matter how bad the turbulence got I did not panic, my heart rate did not go up and I did not clutch the arm rests. Very very proud of myself this time out!
Special shout out to u/realgentleman80 for being awesome and also to the pilot (on another long flight to Doha last year) that, upon hearing that I was nervous before takeoff, invited me to the cockpit and talked with me and let me see the instruments and meet all the copilots.
Thanks guys!
2024.05.15 22:53 lswolfy Community Update - May15th, 2024
 | Hey there! Clare here, your snack connoisseur. submitted by lswolfy to launchschool [link] [comments] Last weekend, we had unseasonably great weather in the UK, so my little family and I went for a bike ride on a disused railway line called the Cuckoo Trail. It's a lovely route because it is traffic-free and reasonably flat, which is essential if I'm to keep my whinge quotient down (my daughters are much hardier than I am). Halfway along the route, we saw a sign for the Cuckoo Cafe, promising snacks galore, which, as you know, is right up my street and would make the ride worthwhile as I could do some research for this very community update. Upon entering the establishment, my youngest immediately clocked the 'Jammie Dodger Blondie'. For the uninitiated, a Jammie Dodger is essentially two discs of buttery shortbread embracing a gooey center of raspberry "jam" (or, let's be honest, a jam-like chemical concoction that glues the biscuits together). Originating in Wales in the swinging '60s, these biscuits were the brainchild of Burton Biscuits, and though there have been a few spin-offs like the Choccie and Toffee Dodgers, they have yet to quite capture the original's magic. They were named after the Beano comic book character "Roger the Dodger," who was renowned for his ability to dodge responsibility, particularly concerning his homework (I am also not a fan of the 'h' word). So here we are, in picturesque England, about to sample a snack that uses jammie dodgers as the main ingredient. "What could possibly go wrong?" I hear you ask. https://preview.redd.it/dpr35krzkn0d1.png?width=560&format=png&auto=webp&s=18646f9052c0c82bbe8a7c12e36163379dc941bb A lot, as this photo would attest to. The yummy pineapple cooler was quickly dispatched, but the jammie dodger treat was found to be inedible, which is quite a feat between my youngest and me. Something with such promise had gone horribly wrong. The jammie dodger is wonderful because it has the perfect ratio of biscuit to jam, which we already knew (we are very experienced with the jammie dodger in our household). Therefore, adding anything other than more jammie dodgers to a jammie dodger was bound to upset this balance. We only had ourselves to blame. My eldest went with the delectable fruit scone — there is no photo of that because every crumb was consumed. The moral of this story is don't mess with a British classic, and you can't go wrong with a scone, so long as you follow the rules (rhymes with 'stone', cream before jam, served with afternoon tea). Moving on... Smooth StartOur Spring/Summer Smooth Start Cohort is starting next week, which is very exciting. We have many guest speakers lined up and great leads to facilitate each group.When starting your Launch School journey, Smooth Start is a lovely way to meet peers, explore study techniques, and talk to graduate software engineers. Don't worry if you missed out this time; it's entirely optional. However, check out the Smooth Start page to join the waitlist for the next round if you fancy joining in (with this many people having this much fun—what's not to like?). https://preview.redd.it/zd8xxwa2ln0d1.png?width=880&format=png&auto=webp&s=a188e3ef32a2e5dc0a16d990d8ccba3616a49f55 PodcastsSpeaking of Smooth Start, Brandi has been busy since the last update, releasing not one but two new podcasts. The first is with Karis on all things Smooth Start. You can catch it here.In the second of this month's episodes, Brandi interviewed Patrick about his experience working through the core curriculum, including the benefits of Launch School's flexibility (it's all about balance). Watch it here. And, of course, you can always search for 'Launch School' on your favorite podcast app to find these and all previous episodes. Meet-upsThere have been some great in-person meet-ups this month, including Minnesota, Utah, Mitch's study group, and a mini post-Capstone gathering (which was worth two images because the photos are so cute):https://preview.redd.it/9hbj2t35ln0d1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=a2435744d7a0d12442f27b324cafb22b75b0d6d4 I don't know of any planned meet-ups but check out the (numerous) Slack channels to see if there's one for a region near you. If there isn't, feel free to try and start one up! Pete also had a great suggestion: prefix location-specific channels with 'regional-' to make them easier to find. So, if you have created a channel for a local region, you now know how to be found! Women's GroupOur regular Launch School Women's Group Virtual meeting is on Sunday, June 2nd, at 2 pm EDT. This will include a focused discussion on "Parenting at Launch School." We all have commitments to consider, and exploring different strategies we use to find a balance that works for us will be great.Check out this forum post for more information, including how to sign up. Student articlesThe tradition of students writing great articles about their programming and studying exploits continues. This time, we have some prodigious authors.Joshua has written two articles. In the first (Launch School - My Experience), Joshua explores transitioning to software engineering and what to expect from Launch School. The second (I Failed My First Assessment At Launch School) looks at the positives of NY and the support to be gained from our community. Sara has written four articles. First, Study techniques and preparation against assessment shenanigans, and then a 3-parter on Nested collection navigation, looping, method chaining, and shallow copies! Lastly, something close to my heart as I still haven't taken the plunge on the 229 assessment, JD's What's this: Something in the air of JavaScript's Execution Context. If you're struggling with this, this is the article for you. https://preview.redd.it/542qu0e8ln0d1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=15ce87970807c8512cdd4f8dbd8185339c07aaf8 On the GrapevineOur Slack channels are the key to getting involved in Launch School's community. There are many channels for all interests, so you can balance work and play.Nathan has created a new #photography group for (non-pet) photos! Don't let this distract you from Launch Schools's best channel though: #gratuitous_pet_photos. Following on from Brandi's idea in the last CU about absurd things we do to prepare for assessments, check out this thread for ideas. Snacks featured a lot, for which I'm happy to take credit - snacks are a food group all of their own and are essential for optimizing brain power. Naya found an application for binary search in the physical world - Launch School is here for all your interior decorating needs. Let's finish with some spectacular photos of the Northern lights. The right white balance is essential to a great photo, and our Launch School photographers have achieved this with aplomb. https://preview.redd.it/smg6vx2bln0d1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=40b811407e65a2c33cd78010e2eb4697c673b144 (Disclaimer: some photos may not be genuine.) |
2024.05.15 22:48 mrhardy12 Looking for well-written horror.
Title, mostly. I love horror and general feeling of dread (prefer things like Ju-On: The Grudge and The Ring to Friday the 13th; mysteries and pervasive threats over slashers), and I'm looking for books that help scratch that itch. Preferably ones that are enticing and engaging, drawing the reader into the world at large. Creepy atmospheres, disturbing imagery, distorted creatures, etc.
For the most part, I've just been doing fantasy or sci-fi lately. The books I've enjoyed most in my life are mostly magic and sorcery, though not every one is my cup of tea. The works of R. A. Salvatore come across as dull and unengaging; repetitive descriptions and constant jarring scene changes made it difficult to get through even the first two books of the Dark Elf Trilogy before I dropped the series completely.
The authors I have loved in the past (only the latter two are even remotely recent): Rick Riordan's Olympians, Rowling's Harry Potter, Jim Butcher's Dresden Files, and Brandon Sanderson's Skyward. I'm just looking for something that draws me into the world and characters as much as those did with good writing and engaging stories, only a bit darker and spookier. I'm very green in the world of books and would appreciate any suggestions!
submitted by mrhardy12 to booksuggestions [link] [comments]
For the most part, I've just been doing fantasy or sci-fi lately. The books I've enjoyed most in my life are mostly magic and sorcery, though not every one is my cup of tea. The works of R. A. Salvatore come across as dull and unengaging; repetitive descriptions and constant jarring scene changes made it difficult to get through even the first two books of the Dark Elf Trilogy before I dropped the series completely.
The authors I have loved in the past (only the latter two are even remotely recent): Rick Riordan's Olympians, Rowling's Harry Potter, Jim Butcher's Dresden Files, and Brandon Sanderson's Skyward. I'm just looking for something that draws me into the world and characters as much as those did with good writing and engaging stories, only a bit darker and spookier. I'm very green in the world of books and would appreciate any suggestions!
2024.05.15 22:46 brutongaster75 [Fit Check/Recommendations] 56I US / 56 G UK - In search of comfort and support ♥
Hey yall. I've been reading a lot here for a long while, so in an effort of self-care I measured myself and bought the only semi-accessible bra I could based on the calculator recommendations: Glamorise Women's Magiclift Original Support Bra Wirefree #1000 in 56I
I've only worn shapeless sports bras for most of my life, and when I did wear a fitted bra - it was mostly just 'the largest one I can find' kind of thinking without any real measurements. So usually DD, sometimes DDD? But almost never actual cups, just the soft wireless. So I can't really give a lot of historical what worked/didn't work. But nothing ever worked.
However, this bra is not right (I did follow all the instructions on scoop + swoop which have been great!):
My Measurements:
From all of my reading, I suspect I am not going to like the more full coverage bras (that seem to have more of an issue with the fabric riding up into the armpit). Also I know this is a long shot, but I really hate the super wide/thick straps that so many plus bras seem to suffer from (maybe all mainstream bras, idk - just have experience with the 'plus size' ones).
Bras I've found as possibilities, but please feel free to share more - I have looked and looked and looked for options:
submitted by brutongaster75 to ABraThatFits [link] [comments]
I've only worn shapeless sports bras for most of my life, and when I did wear a fitted bra - it was mostly just 'the largest one I can find' kind of thinking without any real measurements. So usually DD, sometimes DDD? But almost never actual cups, just the soft wireless. So I can't really give a lot of historical what worked/didn't work. But nothing ever worked.
However, this bra is not right (I did follow all the instructions on scoop + swoop which have been great!):
- Here are my pictures (NSFW bra pics, you know the drill): https://vgy.me/album/2tlRQoga
- there's no support (I know there is no wire and it is soft cups, but my tissue is very soft/malleable so it really feels like it's not doing a thing besides being uncomfortable)
- the straps are tightened to as short as they can be and they're still expanding to the ends of my shoulder (not necessarily falling off, but definitely needing to adjust)
- breasts themselves feel okay in the cups, fabric (of the cups at least, not the straps) feels good and like it's an okay shape?
- gore (I think that's what its called?) is 3-4 inches off my chest when sitting and from what I read that's not right
- I have a picture where I 'pull up' the bra a good 2-3 inches and its more what I want in something fitted...again, my straps are as short as I can get them and I've tried to pull the back down but it rides up again etc.
- while the band is definitely tucked right at the junction of my breast and chest fold, the fabric folds over and scrunches up inside the fold. Also uncomfortable.
- the worst part: its basically living in my armpit. I can deal with everything else knowing I am an extreme outlier of size, but not that. I feel like I want to take scissors to cut off a good 2-3 inches of fabric along my sides
My Measurements:
- Loose Underbust: 57.5
- Snug Underbust: 56
- Tight Underbust: 54
- Standing Bust: 64.5
- Leaning Bust: 66
- Lying Bust: 63.5
- 56G/GG in UK sizing
- 56I/J in standard US sizing
- 130G/GG in Ewa Michalak in 145 D / DD
- 34H/HH in standard Australian/NZ sizing
- 130L in standard EU sizing
From all of my reading, I suspect I am not going to like the more full coverage bras (that seem to have more of an issue with the fabric riding up into the armpit). Also I know this is a long shot, but I really hate the super wide/thick straps that so many plus bras seem to suffer from (maybe all mainstream bras, idk - just have experience with the 'plus size' ones).
Bras I've found as possibilities, but please feel free to share more - I have looked and looked and looked for options:
- Ulla Dessous - Carmen Bra (UK 56G) - I feel like this might be more full coverage (I associate this with 'stifling', but I've never had a good bra so I am an open vessel)
- Elizabeth Valentine - their calculator (I know) recommended 56F in Lily, their sizes seem unusual (56AAAA?) which is why I used theirs to see. None of the ones on their site show 56F, though. I don't really like any of them, but willing to give them a go I guess.
- Ewa Michalak comes up a lot in the bratabase (love) - this seems most promising, but despite bratabase and the measurements calc showing 130G, Ewa's calc spit out 140 DD / E (I know we shouldn't use brand calculators, but I read that Ewa's is particular so). Anyway, I didn't look too much at all the types - but they look promising so hopefully something there?
2024.05.15 22:39 Still_Ad_4928 Of Hearts and Women Part-II (Book-Sample)
Not shared, nor my shade; but something to be weaved; just as the measure of disappointment became it's own solution. But I talked my way through things forbidden, just to find myself blind in bed with those who are dead. Clumsy, but altogether natural of course, because it's consciousness what you refer in the description, yet that's what we don't get a lot about. See your deeds the way you are seen, and then return to a restless place: and the question in-between sheets will be why. Well, I just can't motivate myself to work without hot bitches staring. And that's the truth. Sad but True
— Hearfelt comment for an instagram witch.
Del desprecio a ese descarte, no he visto muchas cosas. Así se pasa una más para las cuentas, y aquí otro más para los versos, por qué aquí no hemos sido vistos. Cuánto más querría uno, que sino lo cuentas ni mucho menos piensas: << lo de este pibe que cosa más horrible>>, haciendo eso lamentable, por qué en decirlo nadie ha mentido. ¡Es horrible! Que cara es entonces la cuenta de lo que le sale a uno vivir sin más complejos; mejor seria cobrarmelo, para así saber que de algo ha valido. Bloqueame.
— Heartfelt comment for a random supermodel-to-be.
The Spirit of Fire
Flames begone, flames in spite: their warmth I felt - so I closed my fist until I could feel the warmth of my blood in my hand. And in dreams Fire came up to me and said: who am I? And I said unto him: you are bound to my bidding, thus your name misery will be. But fire wretched as he was, got closer and asked: and who are you?
And I said unto him that the blood of David ran through my veins, as I was his heir; for the mother of God claim me from death as a son. So Fire tried me, and figured it out.
You are son of woman —said Fire unto me— but as Fire acknowledged the name, I extended my left hand, and took Fire by the neck throwing him into the gound. — You are going to lace yourself to the right hand of the beast, and you'll keep him steady, so I can cleanly take him down. And Fire stayed down, and with his forehead kissing the ground asked unto me —why would the heir of David do so to earthly man?
And I said unto Fire that the beast from the abyss had left no mother for God, so I was to leave none of his body left for his head; as I was going to make it bleed until the end of the end of times.
The Spirit of Earth
Shapeless and without body, but keen within her many numbers, Earth came up to me in dreams, and said: who am I? And posessed in spirit as I was, I said unto her, that God had made her maiden again, and that she shall become the coins that Judas never received, which were to become the due payment of man and women for the body of Christ. Then I extended my right hand, and grabbed Earth by her hair —which descended deep into the abysses of hell— and cut it short so the demons of Lilith would no longer had her gripped by her back.
You are now a woman, and I'm going to rise you from the grounds. You'll lace yourself to the left hand of the beast, and keep it steady so with one shot I can cleanly take him down.
The Spirit of Air
A dream shaped by written words, whispered down for years by the currents of this Montain, and it's requiem witnessed but by a few — the end of dreams. But from where I standed at the peak, I called upon the distant currents that went down, and asked them: who am I?
And Air came unto me as bird, which had thousands of letters for feathers, and in the tongue of dead men answered.
"Somebody who only a few will remember by strange deeds; as the burden on your back, is a past tainted by impossible dreams. You were a lunatic giving new names to folk, and folk never bothered to remember —so your name must be freak, as you died in a forgotten shack some short time ago."
And as Air said these things upon me, I called Misery —as I had dubbed Fire — and told him to get inside my shot. The burden as Air had said, became lesser as i took the shot from my quiver. And I said upon Misery; that he was to set ablaze this arrow, as I was taking down the bird of Britain, and that I would do so, so God would give the deeds of Earth some better names.
The Lord is making a bridge between the empire of strength, and the last empire of men. Now by God's grace, I'm making the tongue of free men, the tongue of Spain. You will be eventually bound to my bidding, and if not me, it will be to the one I'm preceding; for I'm giving you twenty years to attone your wrongdoing. Alas, now because of your wretchedness, my shot on earthly men won't be clean, for his left leg won't stay steady.
Your old name was apathy, now I'm calling you Cisma, which in the tongue of dead men means schism. So now by the will of God lay unto the ground and say the words you've been teached. And as the arrow blazed forward, it's bending motion pierced the veil hiding the secret ladder of men. The bird of Britain catched on Fire, and it's hollering resounded throught the ladders of the mountain until the depths of the abyss. A column of air turned into fire, then violenty erupted from the vowels of the bird, and the wild fire spread as a storm from west to east all throughout the five kingdoms of men away from its own fiery wings, with a gift of misery and a few words to say.
"The name of your woman or the name of your man, will no longer explain their purpose to a man, a woman, or God. Charred words written by thunder will now be the new ladder of men — but until then, darkness upon thee."
The House of Water
I head into the coasts, and the beautiful beaches in-between, to find the stranger who burns images in the skin of men. He is the stranger, and has adopted the body of a monster, and he is one who cannot be understood, so he went on to only go out home in stunts, for the burdens in his heart have become too great to bear. Through terrible pains he has given all he once was for an identity, and as I pick up on his past, i found familiarity in the feelings of his heart. Oh dear friend how we found looking in sadness to ourselves, after doing same but with different means, carrying into our shoulders the loneliness of this world. As you have in-skin the garments of the strange doctrine that I preach — I shall congrate you, for you truly have fought the world entire, for my doctrine is the words of those who shall defeat the world entire.
I may not have your strangeness in-body, but I have it in these words, and in the true feelings of my heart. And I say in admiration that there's no higher form of art, philosophy or religion: than those who perform the highest thing they can give a name about.
Now even within solitude, and at odds with what old dead men call God, I see you and I found strength in you, as I can see you are within me, and in that, you are within everything as it should be - as is meant in everyone who does something that touches the heart of another man. I call this the kingdom of God. Yet blind men and women will wonder how can the kingdom of God possibly be within two outcasts such as you and me.
Upong giving my regards and waiting for response, I found my way into a bench. It was a warm afternoon, and the wind carried the water of the sea. The bird of Britain came about down from the wind of north, and layed on the bench were I was sitting.
The bird asked: why hast thou become this?
And I said back to bird, scorched he was and nearing death, that it was me someone who was supposed to give names, yet for years I couldn't figure out one for myself. Then on went to being given a name, Alas all the wrong ones. Did Adan gave himself a name? - I asked the bird back. And there was no response from bird. Then I continued.
A man has the essence of his soul retained by what he is seen doing. Yet I did things nobody saw, so my soul wasn't with God but with something just as ancient, and nonetheless unknown by men in its true nature — then Satan as the better known devil, came about and pushed me into a hole. It was my own doing. Yet the things I did, I thought were seen. But nonetheless what I did was without contemplation on a posible return. Just as somebody who prints an image on their own skin. It's permanent. This is the essence of a memory in the soul of the man who's seen by others. But in the familiarity of a man who picked every irreversible decision like the Alien, I find myself feeling sympathy, for the man is still not what he has been seen doing, he shall redeem himself by what he decides to turn himself into.
Is this a way of saying that you want to get yourself a tattoo? Get a new look? - the bird mockingly asked.
And I gave the scorched bird no answer.
Then the bird said unto me: what about your career as a prophet, uh? And the things you said about returning with substance? Do you actually think this is substance?
And i considered what the Bird said, then I negated with a movement of my own head. It is not i answered, but i find the memories of me not making sense unbearable. For those mean the memories of a fool, un pendejo, an insane person, or both. And I will always try to amend what I don't do well. But now I wish for only one thing, and it is to be remembered as someone who makes sense, and who out of that sense, made good upon the world. I don't expect anything in return for what I do now, as it is merely an outlet to keep me sane while I finish editing my work. It's clear I'm too incompetent to be a competent influencer. As for once, I don't care about influencing anyone into what I think; but to perform what I think it's important.
Then every proverbial student is free to take classes so as they see fit, and to interpret such classes as their comprehension gives them grasp of what it's said. In such regard, this is what I offer now, while I make the journey to Madrid. And the bird tilted it's head so as to observe me with his left eye, then after a long impasse, it made a loud and painful caw, and finally flew away. Soon after the bird flew, I looked upon the stars in the nascent night, and confessed to them, that it was the memories of who we were, what often stumps us into wrong beliefs of who we should be, maybe even wasting an entire lifetime retained by that which other people remembered us as being. But we are not the owners of our own names, the place we go, and our destiny. That's the biggest lie the western world of hollywood heros tell you, as in truth is collective agreement what determines what we look like doing and thus the meaning we should comfort to, recalling that names are practical mechanisms to remember the purpose of things, their meaning, and how their motion is described in the world.
But making the task of beating that collective belief, akin to the Nietzschean ideal of the camel turning into the lion, so as to transform it's spirit and become something else. But if it's the golden dragon of all the huamn values which judges you insane, will you be prepared to wrestle with the entire culture so as to have your way?
As I layed my eyes upon each star counting up to the number seventeen, I confessed of being scared of those beliefs, as revisiting the past, became a painful deed — and as I prepared to leave, I uttered one wish on the seventeenth point in the sky.
Lord please grant me strength, the way you have given my friend strenght.
2.
The night deepen, while the sea tide sang its own song of breathing. Some time passed, and then on the stranger showed himself approaching at the distance. I waved my hand at him, and after the instant, he found his way into my bench while I welcomed him with an extended fist which he casually bumped - after the short acknowledgement the dark alien looked at my face in between it's cover of dark, and looking at it undiscernable in its true features, with suspicion asked.
— What is it that you want?
I acknowledged him as a friend, then mentioned my brief research, as I had come to know him as man looking for a job, yet nobody would hire for things mundane due to his appearance. I listened closely to the news, and came to understand that this was a man looking for a second chance.Then I saw the intent behind his doing, and two words came to stick to my own thoughts. The first one was <> and the second one was <>. I was admired.
In analytical psychology I figured this man was the ESFP —the personality archetype related to the performer and the entertainer—, possessed in an abnormal way by the spirit by which a person submits to it's contrary nature, seeking to integrate and find fulfillment through the chase of what's perceived absent. If he was the ESFP then doing the flip by following the radial axis of each Jungian function in the stack towards their opposite resulted in the INTJ. The mastermind. The architect. The genius yet awfully complex individual. That was the elusive spirit he was chasing.
But a spirit and a character that at its most pronounced embodiment in a person, would experience life as an eternal foreigner hiding from the light of other men. Such made sense to me, for I myself was the INTJ, and had at spirit the ESFP. Him. So where as this man chased the spiritual fulfillment of being a complex and deep individual, I chased the fulfillment of becoming simpler, so I could demonstrate with action the deepest desires of my heart. One who was born plentiful in means to be liked, becomes complex, mysterious and uncomprehended, meeting one who will be seen trying to make sense becoming simpler. For Carl Jung portrayed the anima and animus of individuals, as the sense of what its absent, yet deeply cherished an valued. So I said these things to the alien, while he silently listened to me.
— All of that sounds like bullshit to me. -Said the alien after some contemplation .— Sorry but the things you say, don't mean anything to me.
And alas for I expected such response, as if one thing was true about this journey, was that explaining the journey in and of itself would become it's grimmest task. I affirmated what he just said with a slight nod of head.
— These things I say and how they relate to each other, in its excercise are similar to doing stecheometric balance with equations in the head, but simpler I'm afraid. - Then I paused, looked back into the sea, and continued. — That's high school chemistry, but I don't expect everybody to pick up on it, nor like it, nor understand it.
— Now i have called you a friend, and where I came from we dub with this title the people we share destiny with. As far as I'm concerned, we are chasing the same thing, which is the hardest posible thing. We both innately understand that we are not home, as we want our spirit to return to us, and that's not what a lot of people ever honestly try to attempt in a lifetime; as such is anyone's call to feel complete.
— And very few people ever reach true individuality, beyond the name they are imposed at birth.
Then I looked into the black alien, and in-between his foreign facial features, I interpreted something familiar. Disturbance. And I continued.
— We have given ourselves hell as we lived chasing something hard, so we can avoid the same hell later on when we are finally back to our own house. This is a christian precept, altought a rundimentary one. Does that makes sense to you?
And after listening such, the black alien calmly looked at the veil in my face in silence. Trying to discern what my face actually looked like, but the night was dark. Then turned his stare back to the reflection of the moon over the waters, giving some thought to what I just said. I opened up my backpack, and drawed two cans of beer from it. Offered one to him, and he silently refused with a gesture of hand. I popped my can and gave it a sip, while I myself stared at the tides coming in and out of the shore.
— If you wan't a tattoo, we can work that out. But this sounds annoyingly familiar, and my interest is not religious. Are you religious?
I nodded in affirmation, and complemented saying. — But my doctrine is something nobody has heard nor seen. For its aim, is doing as Christ said, in perfect means. Yet its true that the teaching fits you, as it's the teaching of the future man; and there's nothing in common between the current man and the future man, as they may very well be different species. This is the precept of evolution.
The alien seemed surprised.
— These two men don't know each other, for the current man doesn't know where the future man comes from, for he himself doesn't know where he is going. Yet in deep realization of your own artistic concept, I think you might want new ideas to meet with your appearance. So tell me, are you curious about what truly happens to a man after he dies? Do you want to learn how to read someone's mind? Do you want to blast with words of fire the hearts of an amazed crowd?
But the black alien broke his calm contemplation of what I was saying, and slighty disturbed, aggressively rebuked after hearing such.
— But you mentioned 'Christ', so you must be christian. How can a christian even say anything interesting in this current time? Last time I asked, their sayings were dreaded by restriction - so why would anyone condemn themselves to a life of bore? Are you a christian?
And I nodded after the question, in silence. Admittedly, for I knew what the problem was with being what I was, and my new companion was bang on identifying it. Made a pause, then raised my sight to where it met with the sky and the stars in it, and I said back to him.
— I am, but not one of a type you have ever seen, for the Christ that comes, is a Christ of art.
2.
The riptide sang, in its secret dialect of earth and sea. I looked upon the coast, turned an eye blind, and saw the ocean as the scorpio, and the land as the taurus; as it was the struggle between two lovers, never meant to consume each other. Ideal love then - yet not to confuse with this partnership as it was whimsilcally tied by the means in which i arranged my current conversation; for my lady somewhere waited for me. Then i allowed my eyes to rest still.
The alien looked upon me, undiscernable in my intentions, and again figured for himself that my interest towards him wasn’t clear. In suspicion, and after the moment he collected his thoughts asked “In your weird words you dubbed me performer, so what is it exactly that you wan’t from me. To me it seems like you are gathering people for some form of religious clown show. When you forced this meeting upon me, was this a proposal you thought i would find amusement in?”. And after the statement my own stare wandered in my conversation partner. While as he had his say, i returned to my can of beer, and finished it with a long gulp. Tempered in an unwillingness to fall to my new found friend irritation, i said within my own thoughts: “The alien looks easy going, but he is barbed in wit”.
Then i opened the can of beer that the stranger rejected; the loud pop resounded in the relative silence, interrupting for a moment the steady chorus of the sea. Gave it a long sip, and said.
– Theres no proposal in place yet. But im certain of something, and that is that both of us are messed individuals which reached the bottom doing the same thing - but the way my understandment of the human soul goes: two people can act by mere interaction as reactives to each other, creating a new chemical compound after the fact.
– This new psychology is very much like chemistry. But it is not my intention to draw you into something, but to pull myself out of this «something» by doing right on another person and maybe that person reflecting the good back on me. I just need a conversation partner, thats all. And i will do this with you, and with many people more. Presidents included.
The alien reflected on it, and after the hiatus of a long standing position of suspicion he finally gave in, and eased up with a slight smile. A strange smile of relief. But the smile, was all too familiar for me, as i realized the man was a tortured individual: a person in long standing pain. I smiled back the way he did, and continued.
– Our pain has a common name, and is a name that can be written with words unfortunately. It’s the devilish mother of all spiritual ills and its foundation, rests at the concept of a past that wasnt solved. It’s called «inadequeacy», and for people like you and me, understanding one day that such inadecuacy had to be solved by our own means, lead us into an act where our name changed as the changes in our cover up act to solve our inadequacy did.
– We never honored the past or the present in our pursuit, as we desired in passion to find solution to the present, by matching it into the idealization of some future without ever realizing that the old or present essence of ones being would be crushed into non existance by said future.
– Then we found the realization of that new name, only to understand that its demands became a tyranny on the other faces of our soul: as our soul is not something that can be undestood in unity, but something that conceives in the beginning in multiple things which try to give shape to one thing. Theres many people in a village, and our minds, are no exception.
— But happiness is only achieved by those who have their soul entire - or those who are the same person regardless of the context and scenario. And we gave to much to somebody that wasn't us, as our spirit took possession and lead us down.
– This is this the essence by which someone goes to hell, only to do one thing over again, getting an ever lasting pain for all the things that were given up chasing that which was absent. The more someone is forced into being shaped by the thing that was concevied in lust, the more the individual misses the place they used to call home, for that is no longer within ones reach. Does this makes sense to you?
The alien left me with no answer, and as he contemplated the sea, a tear travelled through his strange face.
– In this state of anguish, affliction rarely ever feels company, as the very individual condition that was pursued, became a full suit and persona to be forced upon and wear. Hell, is one lonely place man because we only learn to speak a language, that only makes sense to ourselves. But i think we can find a way out of it. This is why I'm here.
“Look, what you’ve done, it’s not something i can see the way you can see my own doing on me.” The alien replied. “Besides the way in which i canno’t see your face in this night, you seem ordinary — but what you talk and the way you say it, evokes in every word regret. What is it that you’ve done that has you regret like this?”
As the alien finished speaking, I emptied the can of beer, layed my eyes on the irregular grooves that my feet had left on the sand, and then replied back to him, after making a recap of the story i had repeatedly told myself after falling down.
“My story, is the fairy tale of a guy who makes way for the new coming of a new man; a better man for the world, while he casts disarray upon the earth: much to his dismay, at the expense of his own soul as the people who become victims of disasters, were ones who this man deemed unfair; cruel, evil, despicable in past. That was at the beginning."
"Theres a pile of corpses behind that character — even in covid time, people as close as the local priest of the small town he lived in, would break their neck after falling in the shower, as he had the slightest suspicion of their secret deeds. All clean deads for that matter. Untraceable to nothing but sheer randomness. Magic as it seeems. But were this folk truly evil people or even guilty of anything? You may ask - the man never knew it for sure, as he never had faculties such as godly omniscience to actually know it; which has taken a toll on him, as the burden of justice is an unberable one for anything but a god."
"Which leads to another point: spontaneously picturing random numbers in the head, associating them with psychological compounds by angular momentum, and actually being bang on the suspicion. Truth friend, in its stochastic presentation: it's unberable.”
“Consequential of such attempts to rationalize his own story in the eyes of people such as close family, my dude became clinically diagnosed with referenced thinking. Which are fancy words for schizophrenia. Nobody believed the story as it was uttered."
"Yet the consequences are there for everyone to see, altought not visible in their cause and effect by anybody but this guy, which lead him first into regret over ever starting his quest as a reformer; and then repent.”
“Now before he realized of this lets call it «curse», he preached for years over the internet as the disasters started to slowly creep up. He preached in a fashion parallel to Niestzches Zarathustra; Zarathustra meaning a famous philosophical device artificied by the philosopher Niestzche, who’s aim was to portray the best posible man, as something he dubbed the <<Übermensch>> ”.
“Such concept being the seemingly more elegant brand of a humanist ideal for a not so distant future: today - albeit a wrong one, for this guy was not dyonisian himself. The backbone of his framework, is analytical psycholgy becoming a chariot for a true understandment of human nature: and ultimately a facilitator for love within light: not within ignorance; not within darkness. Most philosophers today though would mock anything analytical in it's aim."
"Then on the guy preached and dwelved further into the relative hole of his own doctrine: and became imprisoned by what he didn’t got right at first attempt, making him in the process the character that Nietzsche from the comfort of his own writers seat, never attempted to actually embody within realistic means: eventually figuring out within himself the ultimate Nietzschean aristocrat: a magic pen granted by being capetian by mother: from judah by father."
"But Alas, you have no idea how common suicide is within philosophers after they finish their best work. As language, becomes the ultimate barrier for understandment, and then to ones capacity to feel love. Difference — true saliency in ones individual destiny— leads to the gravest posible pain. Ironic isn’t it?”
“Besides technical work with a new form of psychology inspired by analytical chemistry, as that drawed from his efforts during the light of day, five years ago, once he felt the urge to try to reach out to the world from a position of what he deemed was greater understandment: he primitively preached during night his new set of ideas for people to behave beyond the limitations of manipulative psychology, albeit a harsh doctrine meant to clear the way for a better product: Christ himself."
"This is not a doctrine a human being can actually perform, as such its christianity at its highest capacity to bear fruit. It’s an impossible doctrine, yet solves the oldest problem posed in the bible. All which sounds very sci-fi bullshit-y but actual problems started for the protagonist in this tale, when the preaching matched with terrible consequences. Not figurative, but within tangible reality.”
“So just as we talk, theres a small legion of hackers pretending to be doing internet social experiments while talking in an artsy matter: much in my own style, entertaining the exact same concepts - a legion of dangerous monkeys, i have no control over."
"One of the many unexpected consequences being this, yet prompted by something evil; ancient: essentially replicating what my protagonist developed and then preached over the years, while these "hacktivists" lay their attention on things and people, as they select them and enforce upon them strict surveillance, to behave properly. Then to destroy them, as they did in 2020 with many corporations and institutions.A bizarre combination of theater actors to my own liking, and then cyber-security demigods: omniscient in their claims to surveill, and they are - derivative such of another device of what I've done; which is to build a theater so people can make-believe that they are infact performing within themselves something greater - but that's matter for another story."
“Most of the corpses piling up flat out dead, have no relation to him whatsoever; they became victims as my protagonist took measures to fight back the monster he found at the foundation of the known world. This is not an elaborate analogy for one's own unseen capacity for evil, as i mean this: a monster as literally as it can be. For these things friend, im doomed as in true strenght, i have nothing but the pen i use to write down what i think albeit always at danger of it’s eventual inversion. I have no real friends left. Not one who can understand, or help bear the pain: as friendship and love are all gated by understandment."
"The full story has many more vertients, but i think i’ve done it enough justice. This is the predicament of an insane man chased by his own shadow as he builds a better man: one who delivers heavenly things, and then a shadow stringed to deliver tyranny as the very strings behind him make the better man stumble while he tries to keep a grasp of his own spirit, and then of his own soul."
"That monster behind, is wicked smart — and cannot be outwitted nor overpowered but anything but divine smite."
“I’m heading now to a new country, to try to get friends from the only institution in the world who knows and adresses the current times being, and who by extension, might believe me. And to clarify, these being the end of times; but not the end of the world. Yet now i myself have a damocles sword pending over my own head, and i need to do something about it before it falls.”
And as i said these things, i reached out to my backpack drawing a third can of beer from it — besides my own super laptop, thats what my backpack had: an infinite supply of beer. Corona, Indio, Victoria, Dos Equis, Heineken; you name it. I popped the can, and gave it a long and definite sip as i emptied it complete.
The alien didn't try to show that he understood, but stood still in silence, with his sight in the sand below and pressing lips, knowing by my demeanor; that these things as I've said them was something that I needed to do. Then he said: "I don't follow man. You say you preach and then disasters occur. Like a prophet from the bible?"
"Yes. Then I preached to get rid of the things that are actually making the world worse, and something awoke soon after, and since then; everything I do is subject to being misinterpreted due to the diffamatory action of this thing. Now everytime I do something, it can be twisted and turned against my original intent. Right now the hackers are my worst problem: I may have a degree in computers but I have no fucking idea whatsoever of hacking. I earn my living as an A.I engineer.".
The alien raised his sight to meet with mine, and after doing some contemplation on the fact, quite simply said: "You are insane". Then lowered his own sight, and raised it again to meet with the sea and continued. "If you want a tattoo, we can work that out. But either way and whatever parts of your story are true and even worse; the ones you may be lying about: you sound dangerous in a delusional kind of sense, and my life is hard enough as is."
I pressed my fists, knowing then the old same thing had happened again. For I had never forced anything upon anybody, and I was willing to respect that until the bitter end. Then I released the build up of frustration with a loud sigh, and after this amend, I replied back.
"I understand and respect it. But let me just propose you that if you ever want to figure what is beyond life as it's lived by person who has never seen what is like to be someone you write a great story about; you can pin me, and I'll show you what's beyond that door. Give it some thought."
The alien; The Black Alien Project stayed there sitting, spechless but calm, almost expecting something else to be convinced about. But pointless, for i knew that nobody can be forced into anything without bringing a transgression into play – and i wasn’t one to taint myself in sin if it could be avoided. Not anymore.
3.
I made the distance at steady pace walking along the shore, until i found a small group of pines in-between the liminal space of the beach and the land. I sat with one of the pines trunk behind my back, and drawed the Schizo Pills from my eternal supply of traveller goodies.
Quetiapine 100 mg, and Olanzapine 10 mg, i made a smaller fragment from the olanzapine pill, and swallowed both complete. As their side effects were concerned, they would soon knock me out of conscience, as this little ritual was my own way of calling the day complete – then i layed there, vigilant, waiting for my own drowsiness to claim me into sleep - but the Bird of Britan came flying from above, and stood besides me.
\Chirp, Chirp, Chirp**
I watched the bird, annoyed, as its presence had become an omen for contempt. For me and the death people of my past. I frowned upon the little shit, and said nothing. The bird made a little nod, while tilting its head in excentricity the way birds do, and replied. — Hey Andrew!, do you remember when you tried to penetrate your own computer to make a universe grow inside of it? I just wan’t to know something: did your computer moan? Did it finally learnt how to scream your name?
\Chirp Chirp**
Ignoring the bird, i closed my eyes and stayed like that for a long moment, hoping to make the bird think i was asleep. Maybe that would make him leave.
— Can’t bullshit me like that Sweetheart. So please tell me something; why don’t you command one of your supermodels; these muses, to come here and warm the bed for you. It's a cold night and you seem lonely brah
. \Chirp Chirp**
I opened my eyes, and irritated, pointed menacingly at the bird turning my left hand into an imaginary gun. I had already failed at something today, and wasn’t convinced i needed the memory of the things i failed at before. Not now.
Said nothing.
"No longer care for love unless it's between good friends”. Said to myself. There was certainly a migraine coming, but maybe my dreams would help convince it otherwise. And as far as the hoes were concerned, Furious Angels would be there for them. Like the Rob Dougan song.
4.
Found my own mind after the slumber – asleep, then awake. I realized several hours passed - at least enough to wake up and witness the sun rise above the sea. But as for dreams, the light veil of their memories wasn't something to rely upon. But i did remember something, and it was some overtone in dread; an atmosphere of fear – and a kind of dread sustained in it’s inevitability by the urgency that builds upon dearth.
Now what exactly was it though? I couldn’t remember from my dreams, but ever since i falled to my own death i had always present in mind the future succesion of events that would follow when things started to go very wrong. Iran, the U.S, Israel - now whatever was it in the news; the outcome would be the same. A thousand more cuts to an already languishing economy. Make that corpse bleed, and then fall off a cliff.
As such things would be cooked, just as the bird of britain. The bird was still there though: just in pieces and roasted like the contents of a dropped KFC bucket would. But the little shit would return - as it always did. The economy? Not so much.
Yet i digress. None of the world circumstances mattered as far i was concerned – i had built a small and portable solar system to power my laptop, and my beer supply was well, infinite - i made myself sure that i had my needs covered whatever happened around me. Not tied to even a house for that matter. I incorporated myself and gave my back a stretch. The morning breeze coming from the sea evocated in my memories some time that had long passed – late childhood. I rejected those memories as they beared with them things i didnt wan’t to remember - then wen’t on as usual in my morning routine scrolling through my instagram feed, figuring if there were any new hoes to maybe motivate me into doing my God imposed labour.
Labour which was to either write, or to finish the House of Water — then after scrolling i did in fact saw a new hoe; i dropped a Faux Pas comment. Maybe she would play along, maybe not. Whatever. Sometimes I would put in a lot of effort to do a rhyme. But the effort depended on the insta-hoe in question. I know. Not the best of habits, but back in elementary school i was the kind of kid that would only get motivation when the girls in the classroom were present in physEd. And then i would run faster: whole lotta faster. Run Forrest! Run! Women love used to fuel me; and the habit sticked — and at the moment, i was kinda done with the idea of female trascendence. Would rely on their love, but not on their validation. Not like a simp. Fuck that.
Furthermore, what results did i demonstrably mustered after pursuing true egalitarianism and sharing it? Exactly. A bitch gonna do what a bitch gonna do, and so does the human female. After publishing the comment, I locked my phone and walked towards the highway, as i was planning to pay a visit to somebody long forgotten - I had kind of a schedule that i was going to follow, before taking the plane to Madrid and become hispanic Jon Snow from the walgreens Nightwatch.
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— Hearfelt comment for an instagram witch.
Del desprecio a ese descarte, no he visto muchas cosas. Así se pasa una más para las cuentas, y aquí otro más para los versos, por qué aquí no hemos sido vistos. Cuánto más querría uno, que sino lo cuentas ni mucho menos piensas: << lo de este pibe que cosa más horrible>>, haciendo eso lamentable, por qué en decirlo nadie ha mentido. ¡Es horrible! Que cara es entonces la cuenta de lo que le sale a uno vivir sin más complejos; mejor seria cobrarmelo, para así saber que de algo ha valido. Bloqueame.
— Heartfelt comment for a random supermodel-to-be.
The Spirit of Fire
Flames begone, flames in spite: their warmth I felt - so I closed my fist until I could feel the warmth of my blood in my hand. And in dreams Fire came up to me and said: who am I? And I said unto him: you are bound to my bidding, thus your name misery will be. But fire wretched as he was, got closer and asked: and who are you?
And I said unto him that the blood of David ran through my veins, as I was his heir; for the mother of God claim me from death as a son. So Fire tried me, and figured it out.
You are son of woman —said Fire unto me— but as Fire acknowledged the name, I extended my left hand, and took Fire by the neck throwing him into the gound. — You are going to lace yourself to the right hand of the beast, and you'll keep him steady, so I can cleanly take him down. And Fire stayed down, and with his forehead kissing the ground asked unto me —why would the heir of David do so to earthly man?
And I said unto Fire that the beast from the abyss had left no mother for God, so I was to leave none of his body left for his head; as I was going to make it bleed until the end of the end of times.
The Spirit of Earth
Shapeless and without body, but keen within her many numbers, Earth came up to me in dreams, and said: who am I? And posessed in spirit as I was, I said unto her, that God had made her maiden again, and that she shall become the coins that Judas never received, which were to become the due payment of man and women for the body of Christ. Then I extended my right hand, and grabbed Earth by her hair —which descended deep into the abysses of hell— and cut it short so the demons of Lilith would no longer had her gripped by her back.
You are now a woman, and I'm going to rise you from the grounds. You'll lace yourself to the left hand of the beast, and keep it steady so with one shot I can cleanly take him down.
The Spirit of Air
A dream shaped by written words, whispered down for years by the currents of this Montain, and it's requiem witnessed but by a few — the end of dreams. But from where I standed at the peak, I called upon the distant currents that went down, and asked them: who am I?
And Air came unto me as bird, which had thousands of letters for feathers, and in the tongue of dead men answered.
"Somebody who only a few will remember by strange deeds; as the burden on your back, is a past tainted by impossible dreams. You were a lunatic giving new names to folk, and folk never bothered to remember —so your name must be freak, as you died in a forgotten shack some short time ago."
And as Air said these things upon me, I called Misery —as I had dubbed Fire — and told him to get inside my shot. The burden as Air had said, became lesser as i took the shot from my quiver. And I said upon Misery; that he was to set ablaze this arrow, as I was taking down the bird of Britain, and that I would do so, so God would give the deeds of Earth some better names.
The Lord is making a bridge between the empire of strength, and the last empire of men. Now by God's grace, I'm making the tongue of free men, the tongue of Spain. You will be eventually bound to my bidding, and if not me, it will be to the one I'm preceding; for I'm giving you twenty years to attone your wrongdoing. Alas, now because of your wretchedness, my shot on earthly men won't be clean, for his left leg won't stay steady.
Your old name was apathy, now I'm calling you Cisma, which in the tongue of dead men means schism. So now by the will of God lay unto the ground and say the words you've been teached. And as the arrow blazed forward, it's bending motion pierced the veil hiding the secret ladder of men. The bird of Britain catched on Fire, and it's hollering resounded throught the ladders of the mountain until the depths of the abyss. A column of air turned into fire, then violenty erupted from the vowels of the bird, and the wild fire spread as a storm from west to east all throughout the five kingdoms of men away from its own fiery wings, with a gift of misery and a few words to say.
"The name of your woman or the name of your man, will no longer explain their purpose to a man, a woman, or God. Charred words written by thunder will now be the new ladder of men — but until then, darkness upon thee."
The House of Water
I head into the coasts, and the beautiful beaches in-between, to find the stranger who burns images in the skin of men. He is the stranger, and has adopted the body of a monster, and he is one who cannot be understood, so he went on to only go out home in stunts, for the burdens in his heart have become too great to bear. Through terrible pains he has given all he once was for an identity, and as I pick up on his past, i found familiarity in the feelings of his heart. Oh dear friend how we found looking in sadness to ourselves, after doing same but with different means, carrying into our shoulders the loneliness of this world. As you have in-skin the garments of the strange doctrine that I preach — I shall congrate you, for you truly have fought the world entire, for my doctrine is the words of those who shall defeat the world entire.
I may not have your strangeness in-body, but I have it in these words, and in the true feelings of my heart. And I say in admiration that there's no higher form of art, philosophy or religion: than those who perform the highest thing they can give a name about.
Now even within solitude, and at odds with what old dead men call God, I see you and I found strength in you, as I can see you are within me, and in that, you are within everything as it should be - as is meant in everyone who does something that touches the heart of another man. I call this the kingdom of God. Yet blind men and women will wonder how can the kingdom of God possibly be within two outcasts such as you and me.
Upong giving my regards and waiting for response, I found my way into a bench. It was a warm afternoon, and the wind carried the water of the sea. The bird of Britain came about down from the wind of north, and layed on the bench were I was sitting.
The bird asked: why hast thou become this?
And I said back to bird, scorched he was and nearing death, that it was me someone who was supposed to give names, yet for years I couldn't figure out one for myself. Then on went to being given a name, Alas all the wrong ones. Did Adan gave himself a name? - I asked the bird back. And there was no response from bird. Then I continued.
A man has the essence of his soul retained by what he is seen doing. Yet I did things nobody saw, so my soul wasn't with God but with something just as ancient, and nonetheless unknown by men in its true nature — then Satan as the better known devil, came about and pushed me into a hole. It was my own doing. Yet the things I did, I thought were seen. But nonetheless what I did was without contemplation on a posible return. Just as somebody who prints an image on their own skin. It's permanent. This is the essence of a memory in the soul of the man who's seen by others. But in the familiarity of a man who picked every irreversible decision like the Alien, I find myself feeling sympathy, for the man is still not what he has been seen doing, he shall redeem himself by what he decides to turn himself into.
Is this a way of saying that you want to get yourself a tattoo? Get a new look? - the bird mockingly asked.
And I gave the scorched bird no answer.
Then the bird said unto me: what about your career as a prophet, uh? And the things you said about returning with substance? Do you actually think this is substance?
And i considered what the Bird said, then I negated with a movement of my own head. It is not i answered, but i find the memories of me not making sense unbearable. For those mean the memories of a fool, un pendejo, an insane person, or both. And I will always try to amend what I don't do well. But now I wish for only one thing, and it is to be remembered as someone who makes sense, and who out of that sense, made good upon the world. I don't expect anything in return for what I do now, as it is merely an outlet to keep me sane while I finish editing my work. It's clear I'm too incompetent to be a competent influencer. As for once, I don't care about influencing anyone into what I think; but to perform what I think it's important.
Then every proverbial student is free to take classes so as they see fit, and to interpret such classes as their comprehension gives them grasp of what it's said. In such regard, this is what I offer now, while I make the journey to Madrid. And the bird tilted it's head so as to observe me with his left eye, then after a long impasse, it made a loud and painful caw, and finally flew away. Soon after the bird flew, I looked upon the stars in the nascent night, and confessed to them, that it was the memories of who we were, what often stumps us into wrong beliefs of who we should be, maybe even wasting an entire lifetime retained by that which other people remembered us as being. But we are not the owners of our own names, the place we go, and our destiny. That's the biggest lie the western world of hollywood heros tell you, as in truth is collective agreement what determines what we look like doing and thus the meaning we should comfort to, recalling that names are practical mechanisms to remember the purpose of things, their meaning, and how their motion is described in the world.
But making the task of beating that collective belief, akin to the Nietzschean ideal of the camel turning into the lion, so as to transform it's spirit and become something else. But if it's the golden dragon of all the huamn values which judges you insane, will you be prepared to wrestle with the entire culture so as to have your way?
As I layed my eyes upon each star counting up to the number seventeen, I confessed of being scared of those beliefs, as revisiting the past, became a painful deed — and as I prepared to leave, I uttered one wish on the seventeenth point in the sky.
Lord please grant me strength, the way you have given my friend strenght.
2.
The night deepen, while the sea tide sang its own song of breathing. Some time passed, and then on the stranger showed himself approaching at the distance. I waved my hand at him, and after the instant, he found his way into my bench while I welcomed him with an extended fist which he casually bumped - after the short acknowledgement the dark alien looked at my face in between it's cover of dark, and looking at it undiscernable in its true features, with suspicion asked.
— What is it that you want?
I acknowledged him as a friend, then mentioned my brief research, as I had come to know him as man looking for a job, yet nobody would hire for things mundane due to his appearance. I listened closely to the news, and came to understand that this was a man looking for a second chance.Then I saw the intent behind his doing, and two words came to stick to my own thoughts. The first one was <
In analytical psychology I figured this man was the ESFP —the personality archetype related to the performer and the entertainer—, possessed in an abnormal way by the spirit by which a person submits to it's contrary nature, seeking to integrate and find fulfillment through the chase of what's perceived absent. If he was the ESFP then doing the flip by following the radial axis of each Jungian function in the stack towards their opposite resulted in the INTJ. The mastermind. The architect. The genius yet awfully complex individual. That was the elusive spirit he was chasing.
But a spirit and a character that at its most pronounced embodiment in a person, would experience life as an eternal foreigner hiding from the light of other men. Such made sense to me, for I myself was the INTJ, and had at spirit the ESFP. Him. So where as this man chased the spiritual fulfillment of being a complex and deep individual, I chased the fulfillment of becoming simpler, so I could demonstrate with action the deepest desires of my heart. One who was born plentiful in means to be liked, becomes complex, mysterious and uncomprehended, meeting one who will be seen trying to make sense becoming simpler. For Carl Jung portrayed the anima and animus of individuals, as the sense of what its absent, yet deeply cherished an valued. So I said these things to the alien, while he silently listened to me.
— All of that sounds like bullshit to me. -Said the alien after some contemplation .— Sorry but the things you say, don't mean anything to me.
And alas for I expected such response, as if one thing was true about this journey, was that explaining the journey in and of itself would become it's grimmest task. I affirmated what he just said with a slight nod of head.
— These things I say and how they relate to each other, in its excercise are similar to doing stecheometric balance with equations in the head, but simpler I'm afraid. - Then I paused, looked back into the sea, and continued. — That's high school chemistry, but I don't expect everybody to pick up on it, nor like it, nor understand it.
— Now i have called you a friend, and where I came from we dub with this title the people we share destiny with. As far as I'm concerned, we are chasing the same thing, which is the hardest posible thing. We both innately understand that we are not home, as we want our spirit to return to us, and that's not what a lot of people ever honestly try to attempt in a lifetime; as such is anyone's call to feel complete.
— And very few people ever reach true individuality, beyond the name they are imposed at birth.
Then I looked into the black alien, and in-between his foreign facial features, I interpreted something familiar. Disturbance. And I continued.
— We have given ourselves hell as we lived chasing something hard, so we can avoid the same hell later on when we are finally back to our own house. This is a christian precept, altought a rundimentary one. Does that makes sense to you?
And after listening such, the black alien calmly looked at the veil in my face in silence. Trying to discern what my face actually looked like, but the night was dark. Then turned his stare back to the reflection of the moon over the waters, giving some thought to what I just said. I opened up my backpack, and drawed two cans of beer from it. Offered one to him, and he silently refused with a gesture of hand. I popped my can and gave it a sip, while I myself stared at the tides coming in and out of the shore.
— If you wan't a tattoo, we can work that out. But this sounds annoyingly familiar, and my interest is not religious. Are you religious?
I nodded in affirmation, and complemented saying. — But my doctrine is something nobody has heard nor seen. For its aim, is doing as Christ said, in perfect means. Yet its true that the teaching fits you, as it's the teaching of the future man; and there's nothing in common between the current man and the future man, as they may very well be different species. This is the precept of evolution.
The alien seemed surprised.
— These two men don't know each other, for the current man doesn't know where the future man comes from, for he himself doesn't know where he is going. Yet in deep realization of your own artistic concept, I think you might want new ideas to meet with your appearance. So tell me, are you curious about what truly happens to a man after he dies? Do you want to learn how to read someone's mind? Do you want to blast with words of fire the hearts of an amazed crowd?
But the black alien broke his calm contemplation of what I was saying, and slighty disturbed, aggressively rebuked after hearing such.
— But you mentioned 'Christ', so you must be christian. How can a christian even say anything interesting in this current time? Last time I asked, their sayings were dreaded by restriction - so why would anyone condemn themselves to a life of bore? Are you a christian?
And I nodded after the question, in silence. Admittedly, for I knew what the problem was with being what I was, and my new companion was bang on identifying it. Made a pause, then raised my sight to where it met with the sky and the stars in it, and I said back to him.
— I am, but not one of a type you have ever seen, for the Christ that comes, is a Christ of art.
2.
The riptide sang, in its secret dialect of earth and sea. I looked upon the coast, turned an eye blind, and saw the ocean as the scorpio, and the land as the taurus; as it was the struggle between two lovers, never meant to consume each other. Ideal love then - yet not to confuse with this partnership as it was whimsilcally tied by the means in which i arranged my current conversation; for my lady somewhere waited for me. Then i allowed my eyes to rest still.
The alien looked upon me, undiscernable in my intentions, and again figured for himself that my interest towards him wasn’t clear. In suspicion, and after the moment he collected his thoughts asked “In your weird words you dubbed me performer, so what is it exactly that you wan’t from me. To me it seems like you are gathering people for some form of religious clown show. When you forced this meeting upon me, was this a proposal you thought i would find amusement in?”. And after the statement my own stare wandered in my conversation partner. While as he had his say, i returned to my can of beer, and finished it with a long gulp. Tempered in an unwillingness to fall to my new found friend irritation, i said within my own thoughts: “The alien looks easy going, but he is barbed in wit”.
Then i opened the can of beer that the stranger rejected; the loud pop resounded in the relative silence, interrupting for a moment the steady chorus of the sea. Gave it a long sip, and said.
– Theres no proposal in place yet. But im certain of something, and that is that both of us are messed individuals which reached the bottom doing the same thing - but the way my understandment of the human soul goes: two people can act by mere interaction as reactives to each other, creating a new chemical compound after the fact.
– This new psychology is very much like chemistry. But it is not my intention to draw you into something, but to pull myself out of this «something» by doing right on another person and maybe that person reflecting the good back on me. I just need a conversation partner, thats all. And i will do this with you, and with many people more. Presidents included.
The alien reflected on it, and after the hiatus of a long standing position of suspicion he finally gave in, and eased up with a slight smile. A strange smile of relief. But the smile, was all too familiar for me, as i realized the man was a tortured individual: a person in long standing pain. I smiled back the way he did, and continued.
– Our pain has a common name, and is a name that can be written with words unfortunately. It’s the devilish mother of all spiritual ills and its foundation, rests at the concept of a past that wasnt solved. It’s called «inadequeacy», and for people like you and me, understanding one day that such inadecuacy had to be solved by our own means, lead us into an act where our name changed as the changes in our cover up act to solve our inadequacy did.
– We never honored the past or the present in our pursuit, as we desired in passion to find solution to the present, by matching it into the idealization of some future without ever realizing that the old or present essence of ones being would be crushed into non existance by said future.
– Then we found the realization of that new name, only to understand that its demands became a tyranny on the other faces of our soul: as our soul is not something that can be undestood in unity, but something that conceives in the beginning in multiple things which try to give shape to one thing. Theres many people in a village, and our minds, are no exception.
— But happiness is only achieved by those who have their soul entire - or those who are the same person regardless of the context and scenario. And we gave to much to somebody that wasn't us, as our spirit took possession and lead us down.
– This is this the essence by which someone goes to hell, only to do one thing over again, getting an ever lasting pain for all the things that were given up chasing that which was absent. The more someone is forced into being shaped by the thing that was concevied in lust, the more the individual misses the place they used to call home, for that is no longer within ones reach. Does this makes sense to you?
The alien left me with no answer, and as he contemplated the sea, a tear travelled through his strange face.
– In this state of anguish, affliction rarely ever feels company, as the very individual condition that was pursued, became a full suit and persona to be forced upon and wear. Hell, is one lonely place man because we only learn to speak a language, that only makes sense to ourselves. But i think we can find a way out of it. This is why I'm here.
“Look, what you’ve done, it’s not something i can see the way you can see my own doing on me.” The alien replied. “Besides the way in which i canno’t see your face in this night, you seem ordinary — but what you talk and the way you say it, evokes in every word regret. What is it that you’ve done that has you regret like this?”
As the alien finished speaking, I emptied the can of beer, layed my eyes on the irregular grooves that my feet had left on the sand, and then replied back to him, after making a recap of the story i had repeatedly told myself after falling down.
“My story, is the fairy tale of a guy who makes way for the new coming of a new man; a better man for the world, while he casts disarray upon the earth: much to his dismay, at the expense of his own soul as the people who become victims of disasters, were ones who this man deemed unfair; cruel, evil, despicable in past. That was at the beginning."
"Theres a pile of corpses behind that character — even in covid time, people as close as the local priest of the small town he lived in, would break their neck after falling in the shower, as he had the slightest suspicion of their secret deeds. All clean deads for that matter. Untraceable to nothing but sheer randomness. Magic as it seeems. But were this folk truly evil people or even guilty of anything? You may ask - the man never knew it for sure, as he never had faculties such as godly omniscience to actually know it; which has taken a toll on him, as the burden of justice is an unberable one for anything but a god."
"Which leads to another point: spontaneously picturing random numbers in the head, associating them with psychological compounds by angular momentum, and actually being bang on the suspicion. Truth friend, in its stochastic presentation: it's unberable.”
“Consequential of such attempts to rationalize his own story in the eyes of people such as close family, my dude became clinically diagnosed with referenced thinking. Which are fancy words for schizophrenia. Nobody believed the story as it was uttered."
"Yet the consequences are there for everyone to see, altought not visible in their cause and effect by anybody but this guy, which lead him first into regret over ever starting his quest as a reformer; and then repent.”
“Now before he realized of this lets call it «curse», he preached for years over the internet as the disasters started to slowly creep up. He preached in a fashion parallel to Niestzches Zarathustra; Zarathustra meaning a famous philosophical device artificied by the philosopher Niestzche, who’s aim was to portray the best posible man, as something he dubbed the <<Übermensch>> ”.
“Such concept being the seemingly more elegant brand of a humanist ideal for a not so distant future: today - albeit a wrong one, for this guy was not dyonisian himself. The backbone of his framework, is analytical psycholgy becoming a chariot for a true understandment of human nature: and ultimately a facilitator for love within light: not within ignorance; not within darkness. Most philosophers today though would mock anything analytical in it's aim."
"Then on the guy preached and dwelved further into the relative hole of his own doctrine: and became imprisoned by what he didn’t got right at first attempt, making him in the process the character that Nietzsche from the comfort of his own writers seat, never attempted to actually embody within realistic means: eventually figuring out within himself the ultimate Nietzschean aristocrat: a magic pen granted by being capetian by mother: from judah by father."
"But Alas, you have no idea how common suicide is within philosophers after they finish their best work. As language, becomes the ultimate barrier for understandment, and then to ones capacity to feel love. Difference — true saliency in ones individual destiny— leads to the gravest posible pain. Ironic isn’t it?”
“Besides technical work with a new form of psychology inspired by analytical chemistry, as that drawed from his efforts during the light of day, five years ago, once he felt the urge to try to reach out to the world from a position of what he deemed was greater understandment: he primitively preached during night his new set of ideas for people to behave beyond the limitations of manipulative psychology, albeit a harsh doctrine meant to clear the way for a better product: Christ himself."
"This is not a doctrine a human being can actually perform, as such its christianity at its highest capacity to bear fruit. It’s an impossible doctrine, yet solves the oldest problem posed in the bible. All which sounds very sci-fi bullshit-y but actual problems started for the protagonist in this tale, when the preaching matched with terrible consequences. Not figurative, but within tangible reality.”
“So just as we talk, theres a small legion of hackers pretending to be doing internet social experiments while talking in an artsy matter: much in my own style, entertaining the exact same concepts - a legion of dangerous monkeys, i have no control over."
"One of the many unexpected consequences being this, yet prompted by something evil; ancient: essentially replicating what my protagonist developed and then preached over the years, while these "hacktivists" lay their attention on things and people, as they select them and enforce upon them strict surveillance, to behave properly. Then to destroy them, as they did in 2020 with many corporations and institutions.A bizarre combination of theater actors to my own liking, and then cyber-security demigods: omniscient in their claims to surveill, and they are - derivative such of another device of what I've done; which is to build a theater so people can make-believe that they are infact performing within themselves something greater - but that's matter for another story."
“Most of the corpses piling up flat out dead, have no relation to him whatsoever; they became victims as my protagonist took measures to fight back the monster he found at the foundation of the known world. This is not an elaborate analogy for one's own unseen capacity for evil, as i mean this: a monster as literally as it can be. For these things friend, im doomed as in true strenght, i have nothing but the pen i use to write down what i think albeit always at danger of it’s eventual inversion. I have no real friends left. Not one who can understand, or help bear the pain: as friendship and love are all gated by understandment."
"The full story has many more vertients, but i think i’ve done it enough justice. This is the predicament of an insane man chased by his own shadow as he builds a better man: one who delivers heavenly things, and then a shadow stringed to deliver tyranny as the very strings behind him make the better man stumble while he tries to keep a grasp of his own spirit, and then of his own soul."
"That monster behind, is wicked smart — and cannot be outwitted nor overpowered but anything but divine smite."
“I’m heading now to a new country, to try to get friends from the only institution in the world who knows and adresses the current times being, and who by extension, might believe me. And to clarify, these being the end of times; but not the end of the world. Yet now i myself have a damocles sword pending over my own head, and i need to do something about it before it falls.”
And as i said these things, i reached out to my backpack drawing a third can of beer from it — besides my own super laptop, thats what my backpack had: an infinite supply of beer. Corona, Indio, Victoria, Dos Equis, Heineken; you name it. I popped the can, and gave it a long and definite sip as i emptied it complete.
The alien didn't try to show that he understood, but stood still in silence, with his sight in the sand below and pressing lips, knowing by my demeanor; that these things as I've said them was something that I needed to do. Then he said: "I don't follow man. You say you preach and then disasters occur. Like a prophet from the bible?"
"Yes. Then I preached to get rid of the things that are actually making the world worse, and something awoke soon after, and since then; everything I do is subject to being misinterpreted due to the diffamatory action of this thing. Now everytime I do something, it can be twisted and turned against my original intent. Right now the hackers are my worst problem: I may have a degree in computers but I have no fucking idea whatsoever of hacking. I earn my living as an A.I engineer.".
The alien raised his sight to meet with mine, and after doing some contemplation on the fact, quite simply said: "You are insane". Then lowered his own sight, and raised it again to meet with the sea and continued. "If you want a tattoo, we can work that out. But either way and whatever parts of your story are true and even worse; the ones you may be lying about: you sound dangerous in a delusional kind of sense, and my life is hard enough as is."
I pressed my fists, knowing then the old same thing had happened again. For I had never forced anything upon anybody, and I was willing to respect that until the bitter end. Then I released the build up of frustration with a loud sigh, and after this amend, I replied back.
"I understand and respect it. But let me just propose you that if you ever want to figure what is beyond life as it's lived by person who has never seen what is like to be someone you write a great story about; you can pin me, and I'll show you what's beyond that door. Give it some thought."
The alien; The Black Alien Project stayed there sitting, spechless but calm, almost expecting something else to be convinced about. But pointless, for i knew that nobody can be forced into anything without bringing a transgression into play – and i wasn’t one to taint myself in sin if it could be avoided. Not anymore.
3.
I made the distance at steady pace walking along the shore, until i found a small group of pines in-between the liminal space of the beach and the land. I sat with one of the pines trunk behind my back, and drawed the Schizo Pills from my eternal supply of traveller goodies.
Quetiapine 100 mg, and Olanzapine 10 mg, i made a smaller fragment from the olanzapine pill, and swallowed both complete. As their side effects were concerned, they would soon knock me out of conscience, as this little ritual was my own way of calling the day complete – then i layed there, vigilant, waiting for my own drowsiness to claim me into sleep - but the Bird of Britan came flying from above, and stood besides me.
\Chirp, Chirp, Chirp**
I watched the bird, annoyed, as its presence had become an omen for contempt. For me and the death people of my past. I frowned upon the little shit, and said nothing. The bird made a little nod, while tilting its head in excentricity the way birds do, and replied. — Hey Andrew!, do you remember when you tried to penetrate your own computer to make a universe grow inside of it? I just wan’t to know something: did your computer moan? Did it finally learnt how to scream your name?
\Chirp Chirp**
Ignoring the bird, i closed my eyes and stayed like that for a long moment, hoping to make the bird think i was asleep. Maybe that would make him leave.
— Can’t bullshit me like that Sweetheart. So please tell me something; why don’t you command one of your supermodels; these muses, to come here and warm the bed for you. It's a cold night and you seem lonely brah
. \Chirp Chirp**
I opened my eyes, and irritated, pointed menacingly at the bird turning my left hand into an imaginary gun. I had already failed at something today, and wasn’t convinced i needed the memory of the things i failed at before. Not now.
- Hol’ up cowboy ! you wan’t to bang my bird ass when you should be banging a bitch ass. What happened with Tyrone huckleberry? Did you managed to make him as impotent as you are right now? —I held steady my hand; and tired, the tempation to pull again the trigger on the bird was growing larger. I saw red roses in my own sight, making a terrible omen for a migraine forthcoming. Said nothing.
Said nothing.
- Alright cowboy, i will give meaning to that revelations verse. What was it? Ah yes. Revelations 9:6. Every single person with an internet history will be as paranoid as you were in 2020. Everyone will be diffamated into acts of political terrorism! Aren’t you am-
"No longer care for love unless it's between good friends”. Said to myself. There was certainly a migraine coming, but maybe my dreams would help convince it otherwise. And as far as the hoes were concerned, Furious Angels would be there for them. Like the Rob Dougan song.
4.
Found my own mind after the slumber – asleep, then awake. I realized several hours passed - at least enough to wake up and witness the sun rise above the sea. But as for dreams, the light veil of their memories wasn't something to rely upon. But i did remember something, and it was some overtone in dread; an atmosphere of fear – and a kind of dread sustained in it’s inevitability by the urgency that builds upon dearth.
Now what exactly was it though? I couldn’t remember from my dreams, but ever since i falled to my own death i had always present in mind the future succesion of events that would follow when things started to go very wrong. Iran, the U.S, Israel - now whatever was it in the news; the outcome would be the same. A thousand more cuts to an already languishing economy. Make that corpse bleed, and then fall off a cliff.
As such things would be cooked, just as the bird of britain. The bird was still there though: just in pieces and roasted like the contents of a dropped KFC bucket would. But the little shit would return - as it always did. The economy? Not so much.
Yet i digress. None of the world circumstances mattered as far i was concerned – i had built a small and portable solar system to power my laptop, and my beer supply was well, infinite - i made myself sure that i had my needs covered whatever happened around me. Not tied to even a house for that matter. I incorporated myself and gave my back a stretch. The morning breeze coming from the sea evocated in my memories some time that had long passed – late childhood. I rejected those memories as they beared with them things i didnt wan’t to remember - then wen’t on as usual in my morning routine scrolling through my instagram feed, figuring if there were any new hoes to maybe motivate me into doing my God imposed labour.
Labour which was to either write, or to finish the House of Water — then after scrolling i did in fact saw a new hoe; i dropped a Faux Pas comment. Maybe she would play along, maybe not. Whatever. Sometimes I would put in a lot of effort to do a rhyme. But the effort depended on the insta-hoe in question. I know. Not the best of habits, but back in elementary school i was the kind of kid that would only get motivation when the girls in the classroom were present in physEd. And then i would run faster: whole lotta faster. Run Forrest! Run! Women love used to fuel me; and the habit sticked — and at the moment, i was kinda done with the idea of female trascendence. Would rely on their love, but not on their validation. Not like a simp. Fuck that.
Furthermore, what results did i demonstrably mustered after pursuing true egalitarianism and sharing it? Exactly. A bitch gonna do what a bitch gonna do, and so does the human female. After publishing the comment, I locked my phone and walked towards the highway, as i was planning to pay a visit to somebody long forgotten - I had kind of a schedule that i was going to follow, before taking the plane to Madrid and become hispanic Jon Snow from the walgreens Nightwatch.
2024.05.15 22:35 MadDormouse AITA for threatening to call the police on my brother-in-law?
So let me try to get all of the pertinent information out within the word limit. The gist of my post is that almost halfway through the year, I (39m) have threatened to call the cops on my brother-in-law because I suspect some of my belongings may have been sold. Those belongings have been in storage since October, 2022.
In mid-2022 I was sharing a house with my sister (then pregnant with her second child) and her husband. She discovered her husband had cheated on her with at least two women. Physically with a neighbor and at least emotionally with a woman online. At the time, preggo sister moved out with baby #1 to live with our mother.
It was already the plan to sell the house, but this accelerated it. I started looking for a new place and pack. It was at this time I noticed her Switch gaming console. I messaged her and asked if she took it with her. She said no.
Turned out her husband had gone behind her back and sold it to a used game store. His story changed twice when caught in the lie.This Switch was a birthday gift from me to my sister a few years back.
It's October 2022, I suffered from an embolism. Most of my large intestines have been removed and I have an ostomy bag. I was told my stuff is in storage. I lost a lot of muscle mass in that time. So, I eventually upgrade to a nursing home in 2023 and continue to attend therapy as the hospital allows. I eventually apply to and get accepted into an income-based, handicapped accessible apartment "back home." Ultimately, I moved into my new apartment, January, 2024.
Now, sometime in 2023, my sister took her cheating X back. They were co-parenting so she was bound to see him a lot. For a time, the brother-in-law was living in that original apartment I was going to move into, which is why I know it was shitty. Not that he asked for it, but he was watching my two cats. Both of whom died, I assume at the same time.
When I moved into my apartment, my sister and her husband were able to get a lot of my things from storage to my new apartment. But it's not everything. Unfortunately, as my things got packed up, my sister also packed her stuff up and a lot of it got stored together. Every time I'd ask if another family member could go to the unit, she's said she needs to be there to say what's hers. I am having enough mobility issues currently, being wheelchair bound. I can't just go to the storage unit and direct someone to pick through boxes I sadly did not pack.
My fear is, I have a lot of gaming and collectibles. I have some back in my possession. But previously when I've asked my sister said she couldn't guarantee her husband hadn't sold some of my belongings. Sadly, I've asked so much she's now angrily said he hasn't sold anything. But I argue, until I see for myself, I don't know that. His past actions prove otherwise.
When I mentioned getting the police involved, she got very pissed. AITA?
submitted by MadDormouse to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
In mid-2022 I was sharing a house with my sister (then pregnant with her second child) and her husband. She discovered her husband had cheated on her with at least two women. Physically with a neighbor and at least emotionally with a woman online. At the time, preggo sister moved out with baby #1 to live with our mother.
It was already the plan to sell the house, but this accelerated it. I started looking for a new place and pack. It was at this time I noticed her Switch gaming console. I messaged her and asked if she took it with her. She said no.
Turned out her husband had gone behind her back and sold it to a used game store. His story changed twice when caught in the lie.This Switch was a birthday gift from me to my sister a few years back.
It's October 2022, I suffered from an embolism. Most of my large intestines have been removed and I have an ostomy bag. I was told my stuff is in storage. I lost a lot of muscle mass in that time. So, I eventually upgrade to a nursing home in 2023 and continue to attend therapy as the hospital allows. I eventually apply to and get accepted into an income-based, handicapped accessible apartment "back home." Ultimately, I moved into my new apartment, January, 2024.
Now, sometime in 2023, my sister took her cheating X back. They were co-parenting so she was bound to see him a lot. For a time, the brother-in-law was living in that original apartment I was going to move into, which is why I know it was shitty. Not that he asked for it, but he was watching my two cats. Both of whom died, I assume at the same time.
When I moved into my apartment, my sister and her husband were able to get a lot of my things from storage to my new apartment. But it's not everything. Unfortunately, as my things got packed up, my sister also packed her stuff up and a lot of it got stored together. Every time I'd ask if another family member could go to the unit, she's said she needs to be there to say what's hers. I am having enough mobility issues currently, being wheelchair bound. I can't just go to the storage unit and direct someone to pick through boxes I sadly did not pack.
My fear is, I have a lot of gaming and collectibles. I have some back in my possession. But previously when I've asked my sister said she couldn't guarantee her husband hadn't sold some of my belongings. Sadly, I've asked so much she's now angrily said he hasn't sold anything. But I argue, until I see for myself, I don't know that. His past actions prove otherwise.
When I mentioned getting the police involved, she got very pissed. AITA?
2024.05.15 22:35 Affectionate-War8415 Tea on B-Town Wolf Pack with Aditya Roy Kapur, Ranbir Kapoor and Arjun Kapoor
 | https://preview.redd.it/9nbo67wfzm0d1.jpg?width=585&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d1878d780249a04666d05accce0caa0c131b62d8 submitted by Affectionate-War8415 to BollyBlindsNGossip [link] [comments] Though it's common knowledge that these three are close friends, many are unaware that they also make up the "Wolf Pack" of B-Town, a group notorious for their philandering habits. Three of them are just as guilty of compulsive womanizing as the first two, who are already well-known for it(Adi and RK). These three often spend their evenings together at restaurants, pubs, and Bollywood parties while they look for their nighttime targets. They intimidate young actresses whose secrets they are aware of because they are powerful people. One well-known instance involved the three of them being caught following and pursuing Jacqueline after a party. They even didn't spare each other's exes, and they hooked up with them, as detailed in KWK. In the Adi and Parineeti episode, Karan disclosed that Adi was then having an incestuous connection with Katrina Kaif who is Ranbir's ex-girlfriend while Ranbir is rumored to have hooked up with Adi's ex Shraddha during his film shooting. They both know this but don't care as their end goal is same. While Arjun is no less as he is equally guilty of having affair with ex-wife of Arbaaz. Also he frequently slid into girls Dm's. Sadly RK is duped by his current spouse, which is why he no longer participates in these activities on a regular basis but the other two proceeds to continue bedding one women after other before getting rid of them. Given their combined might and great status in Bollywood, it is unlikely to end very soon. Actually, one of them on this sub had a blind item hinting at the same thing; the link to the post is: https://theopinionatedindian.com/blind-items/bollywood-blind-items-this-celeb-hooks-up-with-women-from/cid6124129.htm |
2024.05.15 22:29 HealthyYard6559 Revelation 1:4-6
,, From John to the seven churches that are in Asia: grace and peace to you from Him who is, and who was, and who is to come; and of the seven spirits which are before His throne; And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful Witness, and the Firstborn from the dead, and the Prince of earthly kings, who loves us, and washes us from our sins with his own blood; And makes us kings and priests to God and his Father; to that glory and country for ever and ever. Amen."
Rev. 1:4-6
John is a witness of Jesus Christ who testifies to the word of God. the testimony of Jesus Christ, and everything that Jesus showed him and he is now sending the testimony, i.e. the Revelation to seven churches in Asia Minor. We can read who John is sending to in verse 11, where we have written the names of the churches to whom John needed the Revelation to be sent.
"And write what you see in a book, and send it to the churches that are in Asia: to Ephesus, and to Smyrna, and to Pergamum, and to Thyatira, and to Sardis, and to Philadelphia, and to Laodicea"
Rev. 1:11
Apart from these churches that are mentioned here, there were other local churches, but the Lord Jesus chose seven representative churches that had different problems that symbolize and represent the period of the church until the coming of the Lord Jesus for it.
In addition to these churches, the Revelation was given to all people, especially the church throughout history, and of course also to us in order to learn the details of the events that will soon begin to unfold, because the signs of the times indicate that... the end times" are near.
"Whoever has an ear should hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches."
Rev. 3:22
Jovan continues with the greeting, "Grace to you and peace" and this greeting is not from him because he cannot give grace and peace, true grace and peace can only be given by God and here practically as if he said, "Grace to you and peace from Lord Jesus Christ" the savior, because salvation and everything we receive from God is at the expense of the Lord Jesus Christ and it is a gift, because none of what we receive is a free gift. How important this word is in the New Testament is also evidenced by the fact that the great many books of the New Testament begin with the words "blessing you and peace" in the greeting sentences.
If there was no grace, practically no one would be alive today because all we deserved was death, but we are alive because of the grace and grace of God and not based on any of our merits or actions.
Everything we have in our physical, physical life is God's grace, and also all spiritual life and salvation is by grace from God whom Peter calls the God of grace.
"And the God of all grace, who calls you to his eternal glory in Christ Jesus"
1 Peter 5:10
"Because you are saved by grace through faith, and it is not from you, it is a gift from God. Not from works, so that no one can boast."
Eph. 2:8-9
We see that we are saved by grace, but that is not the end, we need to continue to grow in grace and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.
"But progress in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and the salvation of Jesus Christ."
2 Peter 3:18
"Because the grace of God that saves all people has been shown, teaching us to renounce the impiety and desires of this world, and to live honestly and righteously and devoutly in this world."
Titus 2:11-12
Here we have advice for an honest worldly life, and we also have a promise that we will receive grace if we find ourselves in some kind of trouble or perhaps illness.
"My grace is enough for you; for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
2 Cor. 12:9
"Let us therefore approach freely to the throne of grace, to receive grace and find grace for the time when we need help"
Hebrews 4:16
In the context of those advices for an honest life, there is also a Record about to whom God gives grace.
"...for God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
1 Peter 5:5
and in Jacob, God adds and says that he gives greater grace than problems
"And He gives a greater grace. Because he says: The Lord opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
James 4:6
"Grace to you and peace" here is first grace and then peace, and that is because peace is the result of grace. We get peace when we are in a good relationship with God, which means that we are born again and live according to God's will.
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Rom. 5:1
When we have this peace with God, we are safe in God's hands and God will never throw us into hell because of our sins because the Lord Jesus died on the cross to redeem us and make us righteous, it is up to us to trust God, confess our sins and live according to the will of God.
"And I will give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand."
John 10:28
Now that we are this safe and reconciled with God, God gives us another blessing Peace from God and this is something that someone who is not at peace with God will never get, and we need this peace every day in our lives, and we don't think and worry about the daily problems, we already enjoy communion with God who is close to us and who cares for us, we see from the whole verse that we just need to ask in prayer and finally give thanks.
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, to guard your hearts and your thoughts in the Lord Jesus."
Phil. 4:7
"The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving that your requests may be answered by God."
Phil. 4:6
,,...Grace and peace to you from Him who is, and who was, and who is to come; and of the seven spirits which are before His throne; And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful Witness, and the Firstborn from the dead, and the Prince of earthly kings, who loves us, and washes us from our sins with his own blood; And makes us kings and priests to God and his Father; to that glory and country for ever and ever. Amen."
Rev. 1:4-6
Below we see where grace and peace come from. Grace and peace is not a human creation as many try to portray or try to bring peace in some way through various activities or actions. We saw that grace and then peace come from God, and here we see that three times it is written that they come "from" the Father, from the Son and from the Holy Spirit.
Also in these verses we see that God is eternal because it is written, from Him who is, and who was, and who is to come" and similarly it is written in 4:8
"Holy, holy, holy Lord God Almighty, Who was, and who is, and who is to come."
Rev. 4:8
And now we could say this differently, God who has always been God until now, God who is God now and God who will always be, therefore, eternal God.
Here is another confirmed confirmation of what we said with a slight difference, it does not say "which will come" because here in the 11th chapter events from the future are described which are already here, therefore "future" is at this moment "present" and here we see the confirmation that in the Revelation the future events are still described for us, but John saw them as the present or even the past when they were shown to him, that's why it says "you will be" and not "which will come."
"We praise you, Lord God Almighty, who are, and were, and will be"
Rev. 11:17
Here is something else from the 16th chapter where we see something similar but it is written even in the past tense, that you judged this "so these are events from the time;; when the Lord Jesus came" for us it is still a perspective of the future but for John it was a perspective of the present, this is what today's modern reporters would say, "a report from the scene"
"You are righteous, Lord, who are, and who were, and holy, that you judged this"
Rev. 16:5
It goes on to say,,, and of the seven spirits that are before His throne"
This refers to the Holy Spirit, but it says "seven spirits" because seven is the number of perfection, fullness and completeness. Here, in fact, the fullness of the Holy Spirit is described because in Isaiah it is written about Jesus:
"And the Spirit of the Lord will rest on Him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and power, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord."
Isa 11:2
In several other places, the number seven is mentioned in relation to the Holy Spirit.
"And he said to me: What do you see? And I said: I see, behold, a candlestick all of gold, and a cup above it, and its seven jars on it, and seven funnels for the seven jars that are above it, and two olive trees by it, one on the right side of the cup and one from the left. And I spoke to the angel who spoke with me, and I said: What is it, my lord? And the angel who spoke with me answered and said to me: Don't you know what it is? And I said: No, my lord. And he answered and said to me, saying: This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: not by force or by virtue, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts. What are you, great woe, before Zerubbabel? Ravnica; and he will bring out the highest stone, with exclamations: Mercy, mercy to him. And the word of the Lord came to me, saying: Zerubbabel's hands founded this house, his hands will finish it, and you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent me to you. For who has despised the day of small things? Because he will rejoice when he sees the measuring stone in the hand of Zerubbabel, those seven eyes of the Lord that cross the whole earth"
Zechariah 4:2-10
Here, from the sixth verse, we conclude that it is about the Holy Spirit, "not by power or virtue, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts."
"And I saw, and behold, in the middle of the throne and four animals, and in the middle of the elders the Lamb stood as if it had been slain, and it had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent throughout the world."
Rev. 5:6
Here we have seven spirits and seven eyes that refer to seven aspects of the work of the Holy Spirit that brings us God's graces, that is why Paul could write in the first Corinthians:
"The gifts are different, but the Spirit is one. And there are different ministries, but the Lord is one. And there are different forces, but there is one God who does everything in everything. And in everyone the Spirit appears for the benefit; For once the word of wisdom is given by the Spirit; and to another the word of understanding by the same Spirit; And to another faith, by that same Spirit; and to another the gift of healing, by that same Spirit; And to another to work miracles, and to another to prophesy, and to another to discern spirits, and to another different languages, and to another to speak in tongues. and he has many members, and all the members of one body, although they are many, they are one body: so is Christ"
1 Cor.12:4-12
"And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful Witness, and the Firstborn from the dead, and the Prince of the kings of the earth"
We have seen the entire Revelation that it is from the Lord Jesus to the church for encouragement, and here it says, "Faithful witness," and that is what the prophet Isaiah prophesied many years before
"Behold, I have given him as a witness to the nations, as a leader and commander to the nations."
Isaiah 55:4
and faithful because God is faithful and he can be unfaithful
,,,, God is not a man to lie, nor a son of man to repent. What does he say he won't do, and what he says he won't do?"
Numb. 23:19
"And so know that the Lord God is your God, a faithful God, who keeps his covenant and his mercy to a thousand knees to those who love him and keep his commandments."
Deut. 7:9
"And he raises the horn of salvation for us in the house of David his servant, as he says through the mouth of his holy prophets from the ages that he will deliver us from our enemies and from the hands of all who hate us; To show mercy to our fathers, and to remind ourselves of our holy covenant, the Curse with which he swore to Abraham our father that he would give us"
Luke 1:69-73
"God is faithful who has called you into the community of his Son Jesus Christ, our Lord."
1 Cor. 1:9
"No other temptation shall come upon you but that of man; but God is faithful, who will not let you be tempted beyond what you are able, but will also make an end with the temptation, so that you can bear it"
1 Cor. 10:13
"He who called you is faithful, and he will do it."
1 Sol. 5:24
And in Revelation it says more
"Thus says Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of God's creation"
Rev. 3:14
The Lord himself practically confirmed that he is faithful and that he came to testify to the truth
"I was born for that, and that's why I came into the world to bear witness to the truth. And everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice"
John 18:37
"and the Firstborn from the dead" here this does not mean that Jesus was the first to be resurrected because we read that there were people who were resurrected before Him but they later died again. Jesus was the first to be resurrected in a glorified body and He more he never did nor will he die, this part of the verse refers to these facts.
,, And this one, since he remains forever, has an eternal priesthood. That is why he can forever save those who come to God through him, when he always lives to be able to pray for them."
Hebrews 7:24-25
"and Prince over earthly kings" prince means ruler. Lord Jesus is ruler and prince from the beginning to the end, from creation to eternity, He is the faithful and true one from eternity, He is the firstborn in the glorified body and He is the eternal ruler and prince , He is King of kings and Lord of lords because he writes.
"And he has his name written on his robe and on his bosom: King of kings and Lord of lords."
Rev. 19:16
"He will rule from sea to sea, and from the river to the ends of the earth."
Psalm 72:8
"All kings will bow down to him, all nations will be submissive to him."
Psalm 72:11
"Who loves us" Jovan continues and says that God loves us permanently and does not say that he loved us, because then that would mean that he once loved us but that he may not love us now for some reason. we would not have permanent security of salvation because it might happen that Jesus returns and God returns at that very moment and we are left behind as they say, "we were unlucky". "so all the time, not sometimes or sometimes. He loves us all the time and that's because of the grace we talked about, we didn't deserve anything, neither salvation, nor the forgiveness of sins, nor life by grace, the only thing we deserved was to throw us into hell and that would be deserved because we do mostly what we shouldn't do. And not only does he not punish us, but makes us emperors and priests.
,, And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful Witness, and the Firstborn from the dead, and the Prince of earthly kings, who loves us, and washes us from our sins with his blood; And makes us kings and priests to God and his Father; to that glory and country for ever and ever. Amen."
Rev. 1:5-6
Jesus loved his own even in the most difficult moments before going to the cross, we read in John:
"And before the Passover, Jesus knowing that the hour had come for Him to pass from this world to the Father, as He loved His own who were in the world, He loves them to the end."
John 13:1
and this greatly impressed Paul, so he wrote:
"That you may understand with all the saints what is the breadth and length and depth and height, And know the love of Christ that surpasses reason, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."
Eph. 3:18-19
and this love of Jesus cannot be understood by human thinking, this is God's love that surpasses every mind.
"Because I know for sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor present, nor future, nor height, nor depth, nor any other substance can separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus , to our Lord."
Rom. 8:28-39
"And wash us from our sins in your blood" unlike a while ago where it is written in permanent time, now we have a part that has been completed in the past and that is finally there are no more new washings, once all the work Jesus finished and that happened on the cross of Golgotha where we are redeemed once and for all by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Of course, we need daily cleansing in the form of confession of sin, but not complete washing.
,, Jesus said to him: He who has been washed should not wash only his feet, because he is all clean; and you are clean, ..."
John 13:10
"And the blood of Jesus Christ, His Son, cleanses us from all sin."
1 John 1:7
So the blood of Jesus cleanses us from every sin and God will never mention what he cleansed again.
"And their sins and their iniquities I will no longer mention."
Hebrews 10:17
"And make us kings and priests to God and our Father" of course this is also by grace because this is unimaginable for us humans. We know what we are like and what we like to do, but still God does not deal with us according to our mistakes but makes us kings and priests.
"And you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy people, a people of gain, to announce the benefactors of the One who called you out of darkness to his strange light"
1 Peter 2:9
We therefore became the emperor's priests and now we all have direct access to God based on the merits of the Lord Jesus, unlike the people in the Old Testament where only the high priest had access to God once a year in the Holy of Holies and he did not have that access without a sacrifice that he had to make sacrifices.
For us, that sacrifice is the Lord Jesus Christ, and based on that sacrifice, we have constant access to God.
"To him glory and the country forever and ever." Amen." And now at the end, John wants to say that eternal glory, praise and power belong to Him who has given us so much grace and grace.
submitted by HealthyYard6559 to u/HealthyYard6559 [link] [comments]
Rev. 1:4-6
John is a witness of Jesus Christ who testifies to the word of God. the testimony of Jesus Christ, and everything that Jesus showed him and he is now sending the testimony, i.e. the Revelation to seven churches in Asia Minor. We can read who John is sending to in verse 11, where we have written the names of the churches to whom John needed the Revelation to be sent.
"And write what you see in a book, and send it to the churches that are in Asia: to Ephesus, and to Smyrna, and to Pergamum, and to Thyatira, and to Sardis, and to Philadelphia, and to Laodicea"
Rev. 1:11
Apart from these churches that are mentioned here, there were other local churches, but the Lord Jesus chose seven representative churches that had different problems that symbolize and represent the period of the church until the coming of the Lord Jesus for it.
In addition to these churches, the Revelation was given to all people, especially the church throughout history, and of course also to us in order to learn the details of the events that will soon begin to unfold, because the signs of the times indicate that... the end times" are near.
"Whoever has an ear should hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches."
Rev. 3:22
Jovan continues with the greeting, "Grace to you and peace" and this greeting is not from him because he cannot give grace and peace, true grace and peace can only be given by God and here practically as if he said, "Grace to you and peace from Lord Jesus Christ" the savior, because salvation and everything we receive from God is at the expense of the Lord Jesus Christ and it is a gift, because none of what we receive is a free gift. How important this word is in the New Testament is also evidenced by the fact that the great many books of the New Testament begin with the words "blessing you and peace" in the greeting sentences.
If there was no grace, practically no one would be alive today because all we deserved was death, but we are alive because of the grace and grace of God and not based on any of our merits or actions.
Everything we have in our physical, physical life is God's grace, and also all spiritual life and salvation is by grace from God whom Peter calls the God of grace.
"And the God of all grace, who calls you to his eternal glory in Christ Jesus"
1 Peter 5:10
"Because you are saved by grace through faith, and it is not from you, it is a gift from God. Not from works, so that no one can boast."
Eph. 2:8-9
We see that we are saved by grace, but that is not the end, we need to continue to grow in grace and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.
"But progress in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and the salvation of Jesus Christ."
2 Peter 3:18
"Because the grace of God that saves all people has been shown, teaching us to renounce the impiety and desires of this world, and to live honestly and righteously and devoutly in this world."
Titus 2:11-12
Here we have advice for an honest worldly life, and we also have a promise that we will receive grace if we find ourselves in some kind of trouble or perhaps illness.
"My grace is enough for you; for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
2 Cor. 12:9
"Let us therefore approach freely to the throne of grace, to receive grace and find grace for the time when we need help"
Hebrews 4:16
In the context of those advices for an honest life, there is also a Record about to whom God gives grace.
"...for God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
1 Peter 5:5
and in Jacob, God adds and says that he gives greater grace than problems
"And He gives a greater grace. Because he says: The Lord opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
James 4:6
"Grace to you and peace" here is first grace and then peace, and that is because peace is the result of grace. We get peace when we are in a good relationship with God, which means that we are born again and live according to God's will.
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Rom. 5:1
When we have this peace with God, we are safe in God's hands and God will never throw us into hell because of our sins because the Lord Jesus died on the cross to redeem us and make us righteous, it is up to us to trust God, confess our sins and live according to the will of God.
"And I will give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand."
John 10:28
Now that we are this safe and reconciled with God, God gives us another blessing Peace from God and this is something that someone who is not at peace with God will never get, and we need this peace every day in our lives, and we don't think and worry about the daily problems, we already enjoy communion with God who is close to us and who cares for us, we see from the whole verse that we just need to ask in prayer and finally give thanks.
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, to guard your hearts and your thoughts in the Lord Jesus."
Phil. 4:7
"The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving that your requests may be answered by God."
Phil. 4:6
,,...Grace and peace to you from Him who is, and who was, and who is to come; and of the seven spirits which are before His throne; And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful Witness, and the Firstborn from the dead, and the Prince of earthly kings, who loves us, and washes us from our sins with his own blood; And makes us kings and priests to God and his Father; to that glory and country for ever and ever. Amen."
Rev. 1:4-6
Below we see where grace and peace come from. Grace and peace is not a human creation as many try to portray or try to bring peace in some way through various activities or actions. We saw that grace and then peace come from God, and here we see that three times it is written that they come "from" the Father, from the Son and from the Holy Spirit.
Also in these verses we see that God is eternal because it is written, from Him who is, and who was, and who is to come" and similarly it is written in 4:8
"Holy, holy, holy Lord God Almighty, Who was, and who is, and who is to come."
Rev. 4:8
And now we could say this differently, God who has always been God until now, God who is God now and God who will always be, therefore, eternal God.
Here is another confirmed confirmation of what we said with a slight difference, it does not say "which will come" because here in the 11th chapter events from the future are described which are already here, therefore "future" is at this moment "present" and here we see the confirmation that in the Revelation the future events are still described for us, but John saw them as the present or even the past when they were shown to him, that's why it says "you will be" and not "which will come."
"We praise you, Lord God Almighty, who are, and were, and will be"
Rev. 11:17
Here is something else from the 16th chapter where we see something similar but it is written even in the past tense, that you judged this "so these are events from the time;; when the Lord Jesus came" for us it is still a perspective of the future but for John it was a perspective of the present, this is what today's modern reporters would say, "a report from the scene"
"You are righteous, Lord, who are, and who were, and holy, that you judged this"
Rev. 16:5
It goes on to say,,, and of the seven spirits that are before His throne"
This refers to the Holy Spirit, but it says "seven spirits" because seven is the number of perfection, fullness and completeness. Here, in fact, the fullness of the Holy Spirit is described because in Isaiah it is written about Jesus:
"And the Spirit of the Lord will rest on Him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and power, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord."
Isa 11:2
In several other places, the number seven is mentioned in relation to the Holy Spirit.
"And he said to me: What do you see? And I said: I see, behold, a candlestick all of gold, and a cup above it, and its seven jars on it, and seven funnels for the seven jars that are above it, and two olive trees by it, one on the right side of the cup and one from the left. And I spoke to the angel who spoke with me, and I said: What is it, my lord? And the angel who spoke with me answered and said to me: Don't you know what it is? And I said: No, my lord. And he answered and said to me, saying: This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: not by force or by virtue, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts. What are you, great woe, before Zerubbabel? Ravnica; and he will bring out the highest stone, with exclamations: Mercy, mercy to him. And the word of the Lord came to me, saying: Zerubbabel's hands founded this house, his hands will finish it, and you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent me to you. For who has despised the day of small things? Because he will rejoice when he sees the measuring stone in the hand of Zerubbabel, those seven eyes of the Lord that cross the whole earth"
Zechariah 4:2-10
Here, from the sixth verse, we conclude that it is about the Holy Spirit, "not by power or virtue, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts."
"And I saw, and behold, in the middle of the throne and four animals, and in the middle of the elders the Lamb stood as if it had been slain, and it had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent throughout the world."
Rev. 5:6
Here we have seven spirits and seven eyes that refer to seven aspects of the work of the Holy Spirit that brings us God's graces, that is why Paul could write in the first Corinthians:
"The gifts are different, but the Spirit is one. And there are different ministries, but the Lord is one. And there are different forces, but there is one God who does everything in everything. And in everyone the Spirit appears for the benefit; For once the word of wisdom is given by the Spirit; and to another the word of understanding by the same Spirit; And to another faith, by that same Spirit; and to another the gift of healing, by that same Spirit; And to another to work miracles, and to another to prophesy, and to another to discern spirits, and to another different languages, and to another to speak in tongues. and he has many members, and all the members of one body, although they are many, they are one body: so is Christ"
1 Cor.12:4-12
"And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful Witness, and the Firstborn from the dead, and the Prince of the kings of the earth"
We have seen the entire Revelation that it is from the Lord Jesus to the church for encouragement, and here it says, "Faithful witness," and that is what the prophet Isaiah prophesied many years before
"Behold, I have given him as a witness to the nations, as a leader and commander to the nations."
Isaiah 55:4
and faithful because God is faithful and he can be unfaithful
,,,, God is not a man to lie, nor a son of man to repent. What does he say he won't do, and what he says he won't do?"
Numb. 23:19
"And so know that the Lord God is your God, a faithful God, who keeps his covenant and his mercy to a thousand knees to those who love him and keep his commandments."
Deut. 7:9
"And he raises the horn of salvation for us in the house of David his servant, as he says through the mouth of his holy prophets from the ages that he will deliver us from our enemies and from the hands of all who hate us; To show mercy to our fathers, and to remind ourselves of our holy covenant, the Curse with which he swore to Abraham our father that he would give us"
Luke 1:69-73
"God is faithful who has called you into the community of his Son Jesus Christ, our Lord."
1 Cor. 1:9
"No other temptation shall come upon you but that of man; but God is faithful, who will not let you be tempted beyond what you are able, but will also make an end with the temptation, so that you can bear it"
1 Cor. 10:13
"He who called you is faithful, and he will do it."
1 Sol. 5:24
And in Revelation it says more
"Thus says Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of God's creation"
Rev. 3:14
The Lord himself practically confirmed that he is faithful and that he came to testify to the truth
"I was born for that, and that's why I came into the world to bear witness to the truth. And everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice"
John 18:37
"and the Firstborn from the dead" here this does not mean that Jesus was the first to be resurrected because we read that there were people who were resurrected before Him but they later died again. Jesus was the first to be resurrected in a glorified body and He more he never did nor will he die, this part of the verse refers to these facts.
,, And this one, since he remains forever, has an eternal priesthood. That is why he can forever save those who come to God through him, when he always lives to be able to pray for them."
Hebrews 7:24-25
"and Prince over earthly kings" prince means ruler. Lord Jesus is ruler and prince from the beginning to the end, from creation to eternity, He is the faithful and true one from eternity, He is the firstborn in the glorified body and He is the eternal ruler and prince , He is King of kings and Lord of lords because he writes.
"And he has his name written on his robe and on his bosom: King of kings and Lord of lords."
Rev. 19:16
"He will rule from sea to sea, and from the river to the ends of the earth."
Psalm 72:8
"All kings will bow down to him, all nations will be submissive to him."
Psalm 72:11
"Who loves us" Jovan continues and says that God loves us permanently and does not say that he loved us, because then that would mean that he once loved us but that he may not love us now for some reason. we would not have permanent security of salvation because it might happen that Jesus returns and God returns at that very moment and we are left behind as they say, "we were unlucky". "so all the time, not sometimes or sometimes. He loves us all the time and that's because of the grace we talked about, we didn't deserve anything, neither salvation, nor the forgiveness of sins, nor life by grace, the only thing we deserved was to throw us into hell and that would be deserved because we do mostly what we shouldn't do. And not only does he not punish us, but makes us emperors and priests.
,, And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful Witness, and the Firstborn from the dead, and the Prince of earthly kings, who loves us, and washes us from our sins with his blood; And makes us kings and priests to God and his Father; to that glory and country for ever and ever. Amen."
Rev. 1:5-6
Jesus loved his own even in the most difficult moments before going to the cross, we read in John:
"And before the Passover, Jesus knowing that the hour had come for Him to pass from this world to the Father, as He loved His own who were in the world, He loves them to the end."
John 13:1
and this greatly impressed Paul, so he wrote:
"That you may understand with all the saints what is the breadth and length and depth and height, And know the love of Christ that surpasses reason, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."
Eph. 3:18-19
and this love of Jesus cannot be understood by human thinking, this is God's love that surpasses every mind.
"Because I know for sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor present, nor future, nor height, nor depth, nor any other substance can separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus , to our Lord."
Rom. 8:28-39
"And wash us from our sins in your blood" unlike a while ago where it is written in permanent time, now we have a part that has been completed in the past and that is finally there are no more new washings, once all the work Jesus finished and that happened on the cross of Golgotha where we are redeemed once and for all by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Of course, we need daily cleansing in the form of confession of sin, but not complete washing.
,, Jesus said to him: He who has been washed should not wash only his feet, because he is all clean; and you are clean, ..."
John 13:10
"And the blood of Jesus Christ, His Son, cleanses us from all sin."
1 John 1:7
So the blood of Jesus cleanses us from every sin and God will never mention what he cleansed again.
"And their sins and their iniquities I will no longer mention."
Hebrews 10:17
"And make us kings and priests to God and our Father" of course this is also by grace because this is unimaginable for us humans. We know what we are like and what we like to do, but still God does not deal with us according to our mistakes but makes us kings and priests.
"And you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy people, a people of gain, to announce the benefactors of the One who called you out of darkness to his strange light"
1 Peter 2:9
We therefore became the emperor's priests and now we all have direct access to God based on the merits of the Lord Jesus, unlike the people in the Old Testament where only the high priest had access to God once a year in the Holy of Holies and he did not have that access without a sacrifice that he had to make sacrifices.
For us, that sacrifice is the Lord Jesus Christ, and based on that sacrifice, we have constant access to God.
"To him glory and the country forever and ever." Amen." And now at the end, John wants to say that eternal glory, praise and power belong to Him who has given us so much grace and grace.
2024.05.15 22:28 EccentricSage81 nanotech hydrophobic cleaning!
The lotus leaf is listed as the greatest cleaning agent known to mankind in wikis and was the religious symbol of countless religions. when dirt is wet and becomes sticky mud it dries caked on and stuck and traps or allows for other air or splashes or spills to sort of stick. nanotech is so much smaller its like a big warehouse of crates having dust settle between them and by wiping and buffing and polishing around you remove some of the dirt hopefully most of it and get it underneath it will go right through and under about anything, got a tarpaulin or umm curtains over the window spray the curtains and unseen fine nanotech SHINES the window beautiful perfect coatings. the thin film is like nonstick frypan stuff but not the teflon stuff its safe diamonds arent teflon so the moisture and dirt wont stick as much and easily clean off or sorta slide down? nanotech like INKS and alcohol dyes (food coloring) or other paint pigment powders and !SOME! clearcoat polishes over a certain hardness rating which are safe for homes as under sapphire 9H or 10H it might be some sort of waste product cheap being sold as something like SCOTCH GUARD which may or may not have those long lasting microplastics which could be tiny serrated or jagged. If something is 9H or 10H diamond or sapphire hardness the few enamels or epoxys that bond that strong are small enough and dense that their structure is so tiny it slips through and under inside things and can reinforce them but doesnt damage round cells in organisms. the same way glass cleaner must be diluted and used everywhere as glass is porous and prehistoric volcanic obsidian glass walking spiders can walk up glass with special microhooks in their feet for the holes in glass look a bit like a golf ball dimples everywhere with tiny hole looks like hair lines through it like imagine those office ceiling panels with the holes in white particle board. So glass cleaner cleans out the gunk or else your windows will have a brownness you struggle to clean out of the glass without a deep penetrating cleaning agent that comes out looking a bit like brown river water thats discolored from the porous rocks in the water having umm tiny microorganisms yep rivers of brown. So a tiny drop of glass cleaner or a couple drops in a spray bottle or a bucket of water and maybe some one or two drops hydrophobic glass coating or quickpaint coat and a tiny drop or two or a single spray of PLASTIC AND LEATHER RESTORER
with these drops of stuff in water in a spray bottle or bucket you maybe wanna find something with a high % percentage of surfactants on the back of the detergent/soap bottle to wipe out germs and uhh its the cleaning component in all bubbling detergents the sort of science and cleaning and germ killing powers of it. Some floor cleaners made for timber floors that might be a little streaky and say like a polish or cure or something that maybe gives timber a little bit of a darker look when used regularly and appears subtly more expensive looking like hardwood but isnt carbonizing its a type of cellular structure bonding that reinforces not prehistoric torture the wood into looking blowtorched carbon stuff chemicals its a cleaning product disenfectant that protects and polishes but it needs some sprays of water then a spray or a few drops then buff it in and then dust mop it dry as its got some mild ANTISTATIC which helps lift up dust.. i found one that cleans like magic at my asian supermarkets but im not recommending specific brands over the other its the science of cleaning. then maybe put in a couple drops or up to a teaspoon of 10H hardness and like spray your laundry on the line or your carpet or whatever.. i do everything.. some products not 9H or greater will use some unsafe superglues which ignite cotton fabrics into flames or other things.. now house construction products like liquid nails brown glue for holding timber together might have a clear version called liquid glass that might be for window glazing or whatever i hadnt checked if its safe to use on fabrics and other surfaces the POINT of it is the NAME might say liquid glass but its maybe not silicon dioxide that the florist uses to keep their plants fresh for 2 weeks longer liquid glass as in THAT liquid glass like on your phones nanotech liquid screen protector you apply several coats of one each day then reapply every 8 months the cheap stuff.. some of the auto ones for cars can last 9 or 10 years. i found lots of bargain store looking products of sites like aliexpress or maybe amazon with brands like glassxkare or fantastic XML and adams polishes for tiny vials of 50ml or less of 10H hardness affordable or fantastic XML for like a big 500ML 9H hardness spray bottle that when sprayed into a spray bottle of water and glass cleaner and a drop of hydrophobic coating and plastic and leather restorer and a tiny drop of timber floor polish cleaner that may or may not make it a tiny bit streaky or splotchy the hydrophobic coatings may also be too hydrophobic you can tell if your spray bottle wont suck up water because the water cant enter the tube but if you spray a couple spray bottles of such tiny drops the nozzle will clog and not spray anymore.. nanocoatings can be tricky i dunno what to do. if its scratch protect films make it streaky and require buffing power tools and youre not loud big tools like me maybe aim it at carpets and couches rather than windows and do those without the floor polish. I've found no sort of uhh possible forseeable reasons for any health issues and my stuff looks and FEELS amazingly better, i think bathroom toilets or tiles or shower and tap fixtures or.. walls and floors and furniture and clothes.. i think id only not try spraying my drinking cups and cutlery but i honestly think i might need to drink the stuff its THAT GOOD. my cats LOVE IT! its kinda scary awesome.. i tried brands of plastic and leather restorer and quick paint coat and hydrophobic glass coating from HGKJ black and green labels. I couldnt tell you how safe it is, i just struggled as im a disability pensioner and saw our really old house falling apart and this damn near reversed a few decades off it and brand new snow clothing and jackets and throw rugs i bought felt BETTER THAN NEW i mean ridiculously better than new. ancient poisons used to clean HALF as good and were feared for being too good and too cheap. But diamonds and liquid diamond are naturally occuring hot springs reactions and the reason monkeys stay in there. its literally pretty much good for all life.
(plastic and leather restorer see leather deep conditioner but better and sorta similar to glass cleaner but a sort of UV protect oil and reinforce that adds the rich deep black color back to PU leathers and those vinyl anime girl figures yellowing from the sunlight and UV will becomes their original selves again or old yellowy car headlight covers get fixed up but so do most paints and timbers and other things. but you wanna seal it in with a nano coating when cleaning it out plastic and leather restorer is used in plastic manufacture and when you peel those clear plastic film stickers off shiny new products they help prevent its slow gradual evapouration and why they look so nice and black and arent just to prevent scratches. several days later plastic and leather restorers super shiny rich deep 'wet hair look for your black pleather chair' will seem to have worn off but its UV protect and other things will still be there and some polishes waxes or coatings can help keep it and its colors and UV protect there a bit longer well the look the restorer itself keeps it like how it was quite a while years? till it goes yellowy or faded again.)
So when we look at the water beading on lotus/lily pad leaves and things, ancient people used saps and old polishes and obsidian blades arrowheads since dinosaurs era. which with 200 times sharper than steel knives carbon nanotech its super dangerous deadly and was mostly all used up and we swapped it all out for modern glasses and glazing and safety glass so we dont slice our selves into piles of body parts on invisible pieces. Since the days of ink and whetstone nanotech advanced impossibly high particularly in volcanic hot springs countrys with samurai swords and caligraphy brush ink. Trying to find the scientifically safest and best possible cleaning products super affordably that might be useful for washing clothes, cars, metals plastics and other things.. are strangely not at the home hardware stores.. you see synthetic diamonds been on the gem market for centuries but too expensive to produce till modern different approaches with lasers and different gas precipitation with super high electricity concentrated over weeks or months or special electrolosys solutions will slowly layer and create diamonds but the diamond solution precipitated that grouped to each other or doesnt perfectly slot into the sort of tetris like bonds of the outer layers of the diamond a bit like diamond growth needs spaghetti O's and we're raining alphabet soup at it till with a bout 30% of the letters having a good chance of sticking. every few hours the solution of sublimation precipitate is swapped out creating a couple oven trays of 'liquid diamond solution' 10H hardness brightness and shines up glass with a thin film of diamond giving it moisture modest water resist we can use graphene to increase water resist and 10H+ hardness and apply hydrophobic coatings.. So who makes lots of these liquid finishes and what are they used for? Most are produced by a car race track owner who insists they protect their cars before taking them out onto the track or a speck of dirt or sand might scratch up the paint. But if i wanted to like power pressure washer spray it up onto my roof tiles and thin out some of that lichen and make them more uhh watertight leaks arent a concern but it might prevent a terrible future. anybody know why its not already a thing and there isnt countless guides on the ideal ratios and stuff? i mean its about as expensive as laundry detergent concentrate and used to be in most of those still is in some developed countries.. its what makes american movie sets look so umm bright and shiny and polished and awesome and makes mansions look like mansions or wealthy look and feel and its where LUXURY COMES FROM. is my cheap poor persons attempt at cleaning my own home not good? even if its mildly bad i think i'd use it forever. ESPECIALLY on things like 100% bamboo bed sheets i bought cheap ones from an australian online retailer and a few coatings of sprays and they felt and looked so dang shiny and awesome. Some bottles of the stuff claim 6 drops coats the car but remember many are diluted or not full strength or dont last long as advertised or a big bottle 500ML might be 3months to a year.. rather than tiny medicine bottle 50ml or 30ml sized 3-5 years most i guess, you need to keep applying a coat very often but having it not be streaky or buffing it in is tough so i maybe shaved years off its coating and thinned it out and just apply a bunch of coats as often product claims 9H its only a tiny % the whole spray bottle and needs many many applications to approach that but it is POSSIBLE theoretically. remember all glass cleaner is blue colored so when you dilute it with water you shouldnt have it fully color the water too much or its TOO STRONG. 80s people cleaned 80s glazing which maybe radium or lead tincture as radiation blocking films were often lead or radiation lined literally as a radiation shield was a.. film of radiation so it lasted years and needed double or triple glazing for expensive high rise buildings and cleaning heaps of smoky 80s glass dredged out horror mud floods of brown sludge that got them accused of dirtying things, though 80s squeegee thingys are really bad unless you reverse them and press down on a microfibre cloth with them for good even pressuer and a nice streak free clean using the back black rubber blade part to make a thin line of glass cleaning cloth good contact i previously saw reverse squeegee you mount cleaning cloths into specifically but searching i cant find to buy it when i tested it out at home with a squeegee that doesnt clip in like that. are there special tools you guys use? whats the secret? also the purple ceramic graphene ones seem awesome but maybe arent quite close to 9H either.. the bright shine of 10H or 10H+ on tiles and glass.. when apply hydrophobic it looks like zero application of anything somehow its gone for days. does anyone have a more ideal ratios specific or specific active ingredient amounts by weight or dilute with stuff that isnt water to help it keep its years of coating? does using a power washer make it not last? or last longer? or apply streaky splotchy? if its splotchy would more coats over weeks get it all consistent?
the liquid diamond stuff is in many countrys water or whatever.. but uhh concerns about silicosis maybe arent a thing at all if you cough it feels like its cleaning your lungs not harming them. Silicosis happens when criminal retards enter a sandblasting sealed room containment to steal the literally raw materials from factories or whatever or they use water cutting and sand blasting and CNC machines and sharpening blades constantly without sealed enclosure vacuum air scrubber filters. thats what wrecks those benchtop workers also they maybe mixing or breathing wrong epoxys and resins or dont seal them with the correct sealants and polishes and finishes.
submitted by EccentricSage81 to housekeeping [link] [comments]
with these drops of stuff in water in a spray bottle or bucket you maybe wanna find something with a high % percentage of surfactants on the back of the detergent/soap bottle to wipe out germs and uhh its the cleaning component in all bubbling detergents the sort of science and cleaning and germ killing powers of it. Some floor cleaners made for timber floors that might be a little streaky and say like a polish or cure or something that maybe gives timber a little bit of a darker look when used regularly and appears subtly more expensive looking like hardwood but isnt carbonizing its a type of cellular structure bonding that reinforces not prehistoric torture the wood into looking blowtorched carbon stuff chemicals its a cleaning product disenfectant that protects and polishes but it needs some sprays of water then a spray or a few drops then buff it in and then dust mop it dry as its got some mild ANTISTATIC which helps lift up dust.. i found one that cleans like magic at my asian supermarkets but im not recommending specific brands over the other its the science of cleaning. then maybe put in a couple drops or up to a teaspoon of 10H hardness and like spray your laundry on the line or your carpet or whatever.. i do everything.. some products not 9H or greater will use some unsafe superglues which ignite cotton fabrics into flames or other things.. now house construction products like liquid nails brown glue for holding timber together might have a clear version called liquid glass that might be for window glazing or whatever i hadnt checked if its safe to use on fabrics and other surfaces the POINT of it is the NAME might say liquid glass but its maybe not silicon dioxide that the florist uses to keep their plants fresh for 2 weeks longer liquid glass as in THAT liquid glass like on your phones nanotech liquid screen protector you apply several coats of one each day then reapply every 8 months the cheap stuff.. some of the auto ones for cars can last 9 or 10 years. i found lots of bargain store looking products of sites like aliexpress or maybe amazon with brands like glassxkare or fantastic XML and adams polishes for tiny vials of 50ml or less of 10H hardness affordable or fantastic XML for like a big 500ML 9H hardness spray bottle that when sprayed into a spray bottle of water and glass cleaner and a drop of hydrophobic coating and plastic and leather restorer and a tiny drop of timber floor polish cleaner that may or may not make it a tiny bit streaky or splotchy the hydrophobic coatings may also be too hydrophobic you can tell if your spray bottle wont suck up water because the water cant enter the tube but if you spray a couple spray bottles of such tiny drops the nozzle will clog and not spray anymore.. nanocoatings can be tricky i dunno what to do. if its scratch protect films make it streaky and require buffing power tools and youre not loud big tools like me maybe aim it at carpets and couches rather than windows and do those without the floor polish. I've found no sort of uhh possible forseeable reasons for any health issues and my stuff looks and FEELS amazingly better, i think bathroom toilets or tiles or shower and tap fixtures or.. walls and floors and furniture and clothes.. i think id only not try spraying my drinking cups and cutlery but i honestly think i might need to drink the stuff its THAT GOOD. my cats LOVE IT! its kinda scary awesome.. i tried brands of plastic and leather restorer and quick paint coat and hydrophobic glass coating from HGKJ black and green labels. I couldnt tell you how safe it is, i just struggled as im a disability pensioner and saw our really old house falling apart and this damn near reversed a few decades off it and brand new snow clothing and jackets and throw rugs i bought felt BETTER THAN NEW i mean ridiculously better than new. ancient poisons used to clean HALF as good and were feared for being too good and too cheap. But diamonds and liquid diamond are naturally occuring hot springs reactions and the reason monkeys stay in there. its literally pretty much good for all life.
(plastic and leather restorer see leather deep conditioner but better and sorta similar to glass cleaner but a sort of UV protect oil and reinforce that adds the rich deep black color back to PU leathers and those vinyl anime girl figures yellowing from the sunlight and UV will becomes their original selves again or old yellowy car headlight covers get fixed up but so do most paints and timbers and other things. but you wanna seal it in with a nano coating when cleaning it out plastic and leather restorer is used in plastic manufacture and when you peel those clear plastic film stickers off shiny new products they help prevent its slow gradual evapouration and why they look so nice and black and arent just to prevent scratches. several days later plastic and leather restorers super shiny rich deep 'wet hair look for your black pleather chair' will seem to have worn off but its UV protect and other things will still be there and some polishes waxes or coatings can help keep it and its colors and UV protect there a bit longer well the look the restorer itself keeps it like how it was quite a while years? till it goes yellowy or faded again.)
So when we look at the water beading on lotus/lily pad leaves and things, ancient people used saps and old polishes and obsidian blades arrowheads since dinosaurs era. which with 200 times sharper than steel knives carbon nanotech its super dangerous deadly and was mostly all used up and we swapped it all out for modern glasses and glazing and safety glass so we dont slice our selves into piles of body parts on invisible pieces. Since the days of ink and whetstone nanotech advanced impossibly high particularly in volcanic hot springs countrys with samurai swords and caligraphy brush ink. Trying to find the scientifically safest and best possible cleaning products super affordably that might be useful for washing clothes, cars, metals plastics and other things.. are strangely not at the home hardware stores.. you see synthetic diamonds been on the gem market for centuries but too expensive to produce till modern different approaches with lasers and different gas precipitation with super high electricity concentrated over weeks or months or special electrolosys solutions will slowly layer and create diamonds but the diamond solution precipitated that grouped to each other or doesnt perfectly slot into the sort of tetris like bonds of the outer layers of the diamond a bit like diamond growth needs spaghetti O's and we're raining alphabet soup at it till with a bout 30% of the letters having a good chance of sticking. every few hours the solution of sublimation precipitate is swapped out creating a couple oven trays of 'liquid diamond solution' 10H hardness brightness and shines up glass with a thin film of diamond giving it moisture modest water resist we can use graphene to increase water resist and 10H+ hardness and apply hydrophobic coatings.. So who makes lots of these liquid finishes and what are they used for? Most are produced by a car race track owner who insists they protect their cars before taking them out onto the track or a speck of dirt or sand might scratch up the paint. But if i wanted to like power pressure washer spray it up onto my roof tiles and thin out some of that lichen and make them more uhh watertight leaks arent a concern but it might prevent a terrible future. anybody know why its not already a thing and there isnt countless guides on the ideal ratios and stuff? i mean its about as expensive as laundry detergent concentrate and used to be in most of those still is in some developed countries.. its what makes american movie sets look so umm bright and shiny and polished and awesome and makes mansions look like mansions or wealthy look and feel and its where LUXURY COMES FROM. is my cheap poor persons attempt at cleaning my own home not good? even if its mildly bad i think i'd use it forever. ESPECIALLY on things like 100% bamboo bed sheets i bought cheap ones from an australian online retailer and a few coatings of sprays and they felt and looked so dang shiny and awesome. Some bottles of the stuff claim 6 drops coats the car but remember many are diluted or not full strength or dont last long as advertised or a big bottle 500ML might be 3months to a year.. rather than tiny medicine bottle 50ml or 30ml sized 3-5 years most i guess, you need to keep applying a coat very often but having it not be streaky or buffing it in is tough so i maybe shaved years off its coating and thinned it out and just apply a bunch of coats as often product claims 9H its only a tiny % the whole spray bottle and needs many many applications to approach that but it is POSSIBLE theoretically. remember all glass cleaner is blue colored so when you dilute it with water you shouldnt have it fully color the water too much or its TOO STRONG. 80s people cleaned 80s glazing which maybe radium or lead tincture as radiation blocking films were often lead or radiation lined literally as a radiation shield was a.. film of radiation so it lasted years and needed double or triple glazing for expensive high rise buildings and cleaning heaps of smoky 80s glass dredged out horror mud floods of brown sludge that got them accused of dirtying things, though 80s squeegee thingys are really bad unless you reverse them and press down on a microfibre cloth with them for good even pressuer and a nice streak free clean using the back black rubber blade part to make a thin line of glass cleaning cloth good contact i previously saw reverse squeegee you mount cleaning cloths into specifically but searching i cant find to buy it when i tested it out at home with a squeegee that doesnt clip in like that. are there special tools you guys use? whats the secret? also the purple ceramic graphene ones seem awesome but maybe arent quite close to 9H either.. the bright shine of 10H or 10H+ on tiles and glass.. when apply hydrophobic it looks like zero application of anything somehow its gone for days. does anyone have a more ideal ratios specific or specific active ingredient amounts by weight or dilute with stuff that isnt water to help it keep its years of coating? does using a power washer make it not last? or last longer? or apply streaky splotchy? if its splotchy would more coats over weeks get it all consistent?
the liquid diamond stuff is in many countrys water or whatever.. but uhh concerns about silicosis maybe arent a thing at all if you cough it feels like its cleaning your lungs not harming them. Silicosis happens when criminal retards enter a sandblasting sealed room containment to steal the literally raw materials from factories or whatever or they use water cutting and sand blasting and CNC machines and sharpening blades constantly without sealed enclosure vacuum air scrubber filters. thats what wrecks those benchtop workers also they maybe mixing or breathing wrong epoxys and resins or dont seal them with the correct sealants and polishes and finishes.
2024.05.15 22:24 DragonKnov Kunlun Sect's Weakest Disciple: Chapter 18
[📖First ⏮️Previous Next⏭️]
"Thank you, Sister Song, for your mercy. I apologize for my impulsiveness and arrogance," Qin Bai said humbly. He respectfully cupped his hands and bowed his head towards Song Jia.
Upon hearing Qin Bai's unexpected words of apology, one of his burlier underlings gasped loudly in shock, his eyes widening. "Brother Qin..." he muttered under his breath.
"No need to apologize. It was our fault for causing trouble," another wiry underling exclaimed tearfully, his voice cracking with emotion as he drew the attention of the rest of the surrounding disciples.
A young man with a mop of unruly brown hair pushed his way through the tightly packed crowd, concern furrowing his brow as he observed the doubt and skepticism on the faces of Qin Bai's underlings.
"It wasn't Brother Qin's fault," he spoke up firmly, his words cutting through the murmurs like a blade.
All eyes turned towards him as the courtyard fell into an uneasy silence broken only by the faint rustling of the willows in the warm breeze. "We were the ones who harassed Sister Song. Brother Qin tried to stop us, but we didn't listen. Please, don't blame our Brother for our mistakes."
Some of the disciples who had witnessed the earlier confrontation were about to protest vehemently, their mouths opening to object, but their voices were drowned out by a rising swell of murmuring whispers and incredulous mutters.
"So it wasn't Qin Bai who harassed Sister Song?"
"What a kind-hearted person! Qin Bai truly possesses the noble spirit of a warrior, even willing to shield his misguided brothers from the consequences of their errors!"
The majority of the late-arriving male disciples, unaware of the deception and lies surrounding the incident, were moved by this apparent show of brotherhood and loyalty, causing the female disciples to clench their jaws in frustration, exchanging exasperated looks and rolling their eyes.
"What's wrong with them...disgusting!" A petite girl with fiery brown hair tied back in a long braid spat out through gritted teeth.
"You think it's acceptable to bully and harass women just because you perceive them as weak?!" Another young woman wearing a sleeveless white robe called out harshly, her voice dripping with scorn as the sunlight glinted off her toned arms.
"Sister Song, please tell them the truth! Don't let them twist the facts!" Cries imploring Song Jia to speak up rang out as disapproving comments and displeased looks were directed at the males vehemently defending Qin Bai's underlings one after another.
Song Jia's lips pressed into a tense line as her focus shifted towards Qin Bai, who still had his head respectfully bowed, his expression unreadable.
If he had spoken out in agreement, it would have surely validated the false accusations against him. However, his loyal underlings spoke as if they themselves were guilty, deliberately complicating the situation.
Qin Bai's words and sincere tone seemed to suggest that nothing untoward had happened from his perspective, causing both Song Jia and the stern-faced Lian Rougang to narrow their eyes suspiciously at him, wondering about his true intentions.
Meanwhile, Lian Rougang shook her head slowly and massaged her temples with her fingers, exhaling a weary sigh. "Sigh...whatever, if you insist, then take responsibility," she muttered under her breath.
Her piercing gaze bored into the eyes of Qin Bai's uneasy underlings, who flinched visibly. She snorted derisively before shifting her penetrating stare towards Qin Bai, who remained utterly still with his head bowed in a posture of contrition.
The salty tang of sweat and tension hung thick in the warm air as Lian Rougang broke the heavy silence. "As members of our esteemed sect, we should not hold deep grudges against one another. We are essentially a family, united by our bond, so..." Her words trailed off as she glanced sidelong at Song Jia from the corner of her eye.
Their eyes met briefly, and although mistrust still flickered behind Song Jia's guarded expression, she gave a reluctant nod, grudgingly accepting Qin Bai's apologies for the sake of harmony within the sect.
Once she accepted, Qin Bai cupped his hands and bowed his head again, this time not towards Song Jia, but towards the stern-faced Lian Rougang.
"Thank you, Senior Sister Lian, for overseeing this meaningless battle," he expressed his gratitude, his deep voice sincere.
In response, Lian Rougang waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, implying that it was not a significant matter. As the gathered disciples surrounded them, observing Qin Bai's second apology with a mix of emotions, the central figure of Wu Gao finally arrived onto the scene.
"Huh? What's going on here?" Wu Gao, dressed in the same austere martial robes as Lian Rougang, strode into the outer disciple courtyard. He found all the Outer Disciples ringed around the center in a loose circle, as if giving a wide berth to something distasteful.
"Greetings, Martial Brother Wu," Lian Rougang called out immediately upon noticing the arrival of Wu Gao, her clear voice cutting through the tense atmosphere.
"Ah, Martial Sister Lian, greetings," Wu Gao responded with a slightly startled blink, recovering quickly to return the courtesy with a polite nod as his observant gaze swept over the gathered disciples ringed around the courtyard.
"Greetings, Senior Brother Wu," the remaining Outer Disciples chorused in respectful unison, following Lian Rougang's prompt. Her posture straightened as she proceeded to recount a brief explanation of the confrontation that had just transpired.
Wu Gao listened with an increasingly widening smile, nodding repeatedly in understanding. His eyes crinkled at the corners as he caught sight of Song Jia standing tall with chin raised confidently.
He then shifted his evaluating gaze towards Qin Bai, noting the absence of any lingering resentment or hostility in the young man's clear, guileless eyes.
"Ah, that's good, good. Both of you have done well in resolving the matter," Wu Gao declared heartily, his rich baritone voice carrying easily across the courtyard.
"But unfortunately, I missed this exciting battle. No matter, let us now prepare for the morning exercise!"
"Please wait, Senior Brother Wu!" However, just as the disciples began to disperse and take their positions, Qin Bai's sudden shout caused Wu Gao's bushy brows to furrow in surprise.
Even Lian Rougang, who had already started to fade back into the background, eager to observe the coming exercises, paused and turned her sharp gaze back towards Qin Bai with renewed interest.
A heavy, expectant silence fell over the courtyard once more as all eyes focused intently on the young disciple. The warm morning breeze carried the faint fragrance of willow blossoms, teasing strands of hair across flushed cheeks.
"Speak, Junior Brother," Wu Gao urged after a prolonged moment, his deep voice resonant.
...
As the gathered disciples leaned in with rapt attention, Ji Wuye, who had been watching the proceedings with a carefully impassive expression from within the crowd, allowed the barest flicker of a sneer to crease his thin lips in secret.
‘So this is what you're truly aiming for? You think you can regain your tarnished reputation and take it out on me in the process?’
The disdainful thoughts flickered through his mind like a fleeting shadow as he noticed Qin Bai's brief sidelong glance in his direction. Their eyes met for the briefest of instants, but Ji Wuye did not flinch or waver, holding the other's gaze with a practiced insouciance.
"I would like to request another official sparring session with Brother Ji," Qin Bai proclaimed boldly, his resonant words instantly capturing the rapt attention of every disciple present.
A surprised murmur rippled through the ranks as heads swiveled towards the object of this unexpected challenge.
Qin Bai's lips curved into a thin, enigmatic smile as he continued, "Isn't that right, Brother Ji? We did make an agreement, after all."
Instead of immediately responding, Ji Wuye's cold eyes scanned the surrounding sea of faces with a calculating weighing gaze.
It was only then that he noticed the unmistakable figure of an Elder observing the unfolding scene from a vantage point on the higher ground near the stairs leading into the central courtyard.
Ji Wuye's sneer deepened minutely as his gaze flickered towards the watching Elder. ‘He's also watching this unfold...’ he muttered under his breath, so low as to be inaudible to those around him.
Unlike many other sects, the prestigious Kunlun Sect was renowned throughout the entire jianghu. Their name and reputation preceded them far and wide.
As such, during the periodic registration periods when they opened their doors to potential new disciples, numerous talented youths would flock from all corners in hopes of being accepted into the hallowed ranks.
However, with the sect's facilities and resources being ultimately limited, they simply could not accept every applicant who showed promise.
To maintain standards and cull the weaker chaff, there was a stringent system in place to expel any Outer Disciples who proved untalented or lacking the required aptitude over time.
In addition to pruning their own rosters, Kunlun, much like the Wudang Sect, also had a certain prestigious reputation to uphold in the Jianghu.
What if word spread that their Outer Disciples were being routinely defeated and humiliated by lowly wandering thugs or ruffians?
Such demoralizing incidents would not only greatly tarnish Kunlun's prestigious name, but could also result in a marked decrease in the number of employment opportunities and mission requests extended to the sect from secular authorities and nobility across the lands.
This, in turn, would translate into a steep decline in their primary source of income and operating funds.
At its core, while internally a bastion of martial artists, a sect like Kunlun was also essentially a professional body of highly-skilled martial artist who earned their keep by rendering specialized protective services to those requiring their martial prowess.
As long as there existed Unorthodox Sects pursuing nefarious ends or Evil Cults wreaking havoc on the populace, there would always be a constant stream of defensive and security missions for Righteous Sects like Kunlun to be contracted.
It was an age-old dynamic, expressed in the simple Jianghu saying: The righteous protect, while the evil robs.
Unlike the Outer Disciple ranks, however, which were culled ruthlessly, every new officially accepted Inner Disciple was essentially guaranteed a permanent place within the sect's ranks by virtue of having demonstrated sufficient skill and talent to potentially handle the various matters and missions the sect was routinely contracted for externally.
It was the Outer Disciples who ultimately bore the brunt of winnowing - those unable to prove their worth were inevitably expelled to open up space and resources for the next crop of hopefuls.
And the sole reason why the openly underwhelming Ji Wuye had been allowed to remain and avoid expulsion thus far despite being widely acknowledged as the weakest disciple in his year...
Ji Wuye heaved an inward sigh as his thoughts turned towards the upcoming evaluation and testing period all Outer Disciples would undergo.
‘This time, it's either submit to being a political pawn in some arranged marriage alliance... or I need to seriously explore other options outside the sect.’
There were undoubtedly both pros and cons to possessing a naturally handsome visage, he knew from bitter experience. The fleetingly wry thought passed through his mind as his sharp eyes caught the subtle, meaningful looks the observing Elder was sending his way.
Indeed, in order to avoid the expelling, that particular Elder had been surreptitiously shielding and protecting Ji Wuye's continued presence within Kunlun's ranks all this time behind the scenes...
So at least, he should have shown some worth, even though he still intends to let the outcome remain the same as in the previous timeline.
[📖First ⏮️Previous Next⏭️]
submitted by DragonKnov to HFY [link] [comments]
"Thank you, Sister Song, for your mercy. I apologize for my impulsiveness and arrogance," Qin Bai said humbly. He respectfully cupped his hands and bowed his head towards Song Jia.
Upon hearing Qin Bai's unexpected words of apology, one of his burlier underlings gasped loudly in shock, his eyes widening. "Brother Qin..." he muttered under his breath.
"No need to apologize. It was our fault for causing trouble," another wiry underling exclaimed tearfully, his voice cracking with emotion as he drew the attention of the rest of the surrounding disciples.
A young man with a mop of unruly brown hair pushed his way through the tightly packed crowd, concern furrowing his brow as he observed the doubt and skepticism on the faces of Qin Bai's underlings.
"It wasn't Brother Qin's fault," he spoke up firmly, his words cutting through the murmurs like a blade.
All eyes turned towards him as the courtyard fell into an uneasy silence broken only by the faint rustling of the willows in the warm breeze. "We were the ones who harassed Sister Song. Brother Qin tried to stop us, but we didn't listen. Please, don't blame our Brother for our mistakes."
Some of the disciples who had witnessed the earlier confrontation were about to protest vehemently, their mouths opening to object, but their voices were drowned out by a rising swell of murmuring whispers and incredulous mutters.
"So it wasn't Qin Bai who harassed Sister Song?"
"What a kind-hearted person! Qin Bai truly possesses the noble spirit of a warrior, even willing to shield his misguided brothers from the consequences of their errors!"
The majority of the late-arriving male disciples, unaware of the deception and lies surrounding the incident, were moved by this apparent show of brotherhood and loyalty, causing the female disciples to clench their jaws in frustration, exchanging exasperated looks and rolling their eyes.
"What's wrong with them...disgusting!" A petite girl with fiery brown hair tied back in a long braid spat out through gritted teeth.
"You think it's acceptable to bully and harass women just because you perceive them as weak?!" Another young woman wearing a sleeveless white robe called out harshly, her voice dripping with scorn as the sunlight glinted off her toned arms.
"Sister Song, please tell them the truth! Don't let them twist the facts!" Cries imploring Song Jia to speak up rang out as disapproving comments and displeased looks were directed at the males vehemently defending Qin Bai's underlings one after another.
Song Jia's lips pressed into a tense line as her focus shifted towards Qin Bai, who still had his head respectfully bowed, his expression unreadable.
If he had spoken out in agreement, it would have surely validated the false accusations against him. However, his loyal underlings spoke as if they themselves were guilty, deliberately complicating the situation.
Qin Bai's words and sincere tone seemed to suggest that nothing untoward had happened from his perspective, causing both Song Jia and the stern-faced Lian Rougang to narrow their eyes suspiciously at him, wondering about his true intentions.
Meanwhile, Lian Rougang shook her head slowly and massaged her temples with her fingers, exhaling a weary sigh. "Sigh...whatever, if you insist, then take responsibility," she muttered under her breath.
Her piercing gaze bored into the eyes of Qin Bai's uneasy underlings, who flinched visibly. She snorted derisively before shifting her penetrating stare towards Qin Bai, who remained utterly still with his head bowed in a posture of contrition.
The salty tang of sweat and tension hung thick in the warm air as Lian Rougang broke the heavy silence. "As members of our esteemed sect, we should not hold deep grudges against one another. We are essentially a family, united by our bond, so..." Her words trailed off as she glanced sidelong at Song Jia from the corner of her eye.
Their eyes met briefly, and although mistrust still flickered behind Song Jia's guarded expression, she gave a reluctant nod, grudgingly accepting Qin Bai's apologies for the sake of harmony within the sect.
Once she accepted, Qin Bai cupped his hands and bowed his head again, this time not towards Song Jia, but towards the stern-faced Lian Rougang.
"Thank you, Senior Sister Lian, for overseeing this meaningless battle," he expressed his gratitude, his deep voice sincere.
In response, Lian Rougang waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, implying that it was not a significant matter. As the gathered disciples surrounded them, observing Qin Bai's second apology with a mix of emotions, the central figure of Wu Gao finally arrived onto the scene.
"Huh? What's going on here?" Wu Gao, dressed in the same austere martial robes as Lian Rougang, strode into the outer disciple courtyard. He found all the Outer Disciples ringed around the center in a loose circle, as if giving a wide berth to something distasteful.
"Greetings, Martial Brother Wu," Lian Rougang called out immediately upon noticing the arrival of Wu Gao, her clear voice cutting through the tense atmosphere.
"Ah, Martial Sister Lian, greetings," Wu Gao responded with a slightly startled blink, recovering quickly to return the courtesy with a polite nod as his observant gaze swept over the gathered disciples ringed around the courtyard.
"Greetings, Senior Brother Wu," the remaining Outer Disciples chorused in respectful unison, following Lian Rougang's prompt. Her posture straightened as she proceeded to recount a brief explanation of the confrontation that had just transpired.
Wu Gao listened with an increasingly widening smile, nodding repeatedly in understanding. His eyes crinkled at the corners as he caught sight of Song Jia standing tall with chin raised confidently.
He then shifted his evaluating gaze towards Qin Bai, noting the absence of any lingering resentment or hostility in the young man's clear, guileless eyes.
"Ah, that's good, good. Both of you have done well in resolving the matter," Wu Gao declared heartily, his rich baritone voice carrying easily across the courtyard.
"But unfortunately, I missed this exciting battle. No matter, let us now prepare for the morning exercise!"
"Please wait, Senior Brother Wu!" However, just as the disciples began to disperse and take their positions, Qin Bai's sudden shout caused Wu Gao's bushy brows to furrow in surprise.
Even Lian Rougang, who had already started to fade back into the background, eager to observe the coming exercises, paused and turned her sharp gaze back towards Qin Bai with renewed interest.
A heavy, expectant silence fell over the courtyard once more as all eyes focused intently on the young disciple. The warm morning breeze carried the faint fragrance of willow blossoms, teasing strands of hair across flushed cheeks.
"Speak, Junior Brother," Wu Gao urged after a prolonged moment, his deep voice resonant.
...
As the gathered disciples leaned in with rapt attention, Ji Wuye, who had been watching the proceedings with a carefully impassive expression from within the crowd, allowed the barest flicker of a sneer to crease his thin lips in secret.
‘So this is what you're truly aiming for? You think you can regain your tarnished reputation and take it out on me in the process?’
The disdainful thoughts flickered through his mind like a fleeting shadow as he noticed Qin Bai's brief sidelong glance in his direction. Their eyes met for the briefest of instants, but Ji Wuye did not flinch or waver, holding the other's gaze with a practiced insouciance.
"I would like to request another official sparring session with Brother Ji," Qin Bai proclaimed boldly, his resonant words instantly capturing the rapt attention of every disciple present.
A surprised murmur rippled through the ranks as heads swiveled towards the object of this unexpected challenge.
Qin Bai's lips curved into a thin, enigmatic smile as he continued, "Isn't that right, Brother Ji? We did make an agreement, after all."
Instead of immediately responding, Ji Wuye's cold eyes scanned the surrounding sea of faces with a calculating weighing gaze.
It was only then that he noticed the unmistakable figure of an Elder observing the unfolding scene from a vantage point on the higher ground near the stairs leading into the central courtyard.
Ji Wuye's sneer deepened minutely as his gaze flickered towards the watching Elder. ‘He's also watching this unfold...’ he muttered under his breath, so low as to be inaudible to those around him.
Unlike many other sects, the prestigious Kunlun Sect was renowned throughout the entire jianghu. Their name and reputation preceded them far and wide.
As such, during the periodic registration periods when they opened their doors to potential new disciples, numerous talented youths would flock from all corners in hopes of being accepted into the hallowed ranks.
However, with the sect's facilities and resources being ultimately limited, they simply could not accept every applicant who showed promise.
To maintain standards and cull the weaker chaff, there was a stringent system in place to expel any Outer Disciples who proved untalented or lacking the required aptitude over time.
In addition to pruning their own rosters, Kunlun, much like the Wudang Sect, also had a certain prestigious reputation to uphold in the Jianghu.
What if word spread that their Outer Disciples were being routinely defeated and humiliated by lowly wandering thugs or ruffians?
Such demoralizing incidents would not only greatly tarnish Kunlun's prestigious name, but could also result in a marked decrease in the number of employment opportunities and mission requests extended to the sect from secular authorities and nobility across the lands.
This, in turn, would translate into a steep decline in their primary source of income and operating funds.
At its core, while internally a bastion of martial artists, a sect like Kunlun was also essentially a professional body of highly-skilled martial artist who earned their keep by rendering specialized protective services to those requiring their martial prowess.
As long as there existed Unorthodox Sects pursuing nefarious ends or Evil Cults wreaking havoc on the populace, there would always be a constant stream of defensive and security missions for Righteous Sects like Kunlun to be contracted.
It was an age-old dynamic, expressed in the simple Jianghu saying: The righteous protect, while the evil robs.
Unlike the Outer Disciple ranks, however, which were culled ruthlessly, every new officially accepted Inner Disciple was essentially guaranteed a permanent place within the sect's ranks by virtue of having demonstrated sufficient skill and talent to potentially handle the various matters and missions the sect was routinely contracted for externally.
It was the Outer Disciples who ultimately bore the brunt of winnowing - those unable to prove their worth were inevitably expelled to open up space and resources for the next crop of hopefuls.
And the sole reason why the openly underwhelming Ji Wuye had been allowed to remain and avoid expulsion thus far despite being widely acknowledged as the weakest disciple in his year...
Ji Wuye heaved an inward sigh as his thoughts turned towards the upcoming evaluation and testing period all Outer Disciples would undergo.
‘This time, it's either submit to being a political pawn in some arranged marriage alliance... or I need to seriously explore other options outside the sect.’
There were undoubtedly both pros and cons to possessing a naturally handsome visage, he knew from bitter experience. The fleetingly wry thought passed through his mind as his sharp eyes caught the subtle, meaningful looks the observing Elder was sending his way.
Indeed, in order to avoid the expelling, that particular Elder had been surreptitiously shielding and protecting Ji Wuye's continued presence within Kunlun's ranks all this time behind the scenes...
So at least, he should have shown some worth, even though he still intends to let the outcome remain the same as in the previous timeline.
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2024.05.15 22:22 Snoo-56351 Fanfiction YandereDev X Jay : My Devpai💞
 | Hi everyone I wrote a fanfiction about YanDev and Jay my favorite yandere Sim YouTuber I hope you'll like it and tell me if you want the next chapter!!! ENJOY (o)(o)(_-)(-: submitted by Snoo-56351 to Osana [link] [comments] Chapter 1 : My little twisted obsession ❤️ In the bustling city of Tokyo, amidst the neon lights and crowded streets, two individuals found themselves drawn together by a sinister force they couldn't resist. Yandere Dev, the enigmatic creator of a popular video game, and Jay, the charismatic YouTuber known for his gaming commentary, were about to embark on a twisted journey of obsession and betrayal. It all began when Jay stumbled upon Yandere Dev's latest game release. Intrigued by its dark themes and complex gameplay, Jay couldn't help but dive headfirst into the world Yandere Dev had crafted. Little did he know, he was about to become entangled in a web of manipulation and madness. As Jay's YouTube channel soared to new heights with his playthroughs of Yandere Dev's game, the developer himself took notice. Obsessed with Jay's charm and charisma, Yandere Dev began to weave himself into Jay's life, both online and off. At first, Jay was flattered by the attention from someone he admired. But as Yandere Dev's affection turned possessive and controlling, Jay started to realize the true extent of the developer's obsession. Yet, try as he might to distance himself, Yandere Dev's influence only grew stronger, pulling Jay deeper into his twisted world. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, Yandere Dev's once loyal fans grew suspicious of his motives. Rumors swirled about his erratic behavior and questionable ethics, but Jay refused to believe the accusations against the man he had once idolized. As tensions reached a boiling point, Jay found himself torn between his loyalty to Yandere Dev and his own sense of morality. But when he uncovered the dark secrets lurking beneath the surface, Jay knew he had to take a stand, even if it meant confronting the very person he once revered. In a final showdown filled with betrayal and heartbreak, Jay and Yandere Dev faced off in a battle for control over their intertwined destinies. But as the dust settled and the truth was revealed, neither could escape the consequences of their obsession-fueled actions. In the end, Jay emerged stronger than ever, his faith in himself restored as he walked away from the toxic influence of Yandere Dev. And as for Yandere Dev, alone and consumed by his own madness, he realized too late the price of his obsession with the one he could never truly possess. Yandere Dev: "Jay, my dear friend, I've been watching your videos religiously. Your charisma is captivating, your gameplay flawless. You truly understand the essence of my creation." Jay: "Uh, thanks, Yandere Dev. I appreciate the support, but you're starting to sound a bit... intense." Yandere Dev: laughs softly "Intense? Oh, Jay, you have no idea. I've admired you from afar for so long, but now that we're talking, I can't help but feel drawn to you in ways I never imagined." Jay: nervously "Um, that's flattering and all, but I think you might be taking this a bit too far. I'm just a gamer, you know?" Yandere Dev: voice growing colder "Just a gamer? No, Jay, you're much more than that. You're the key to my ultimate masterpiece. Together, we can create something truly unforgettable." Jay: backing away "I-I think I need some space, Yandere Dev. This is getting way too weird for me." Yandere Dev: eyes narrowing "Space? No, Jay, you belong with me. You're mine, and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you stay by my side. Forever." Jay: alarmed "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up there, Yandere Dev. 'Forever' is a bit much, don't you think? I have my own life, my own fans, my own... everything." Yandere Dev: voice taking on a dangerous edge "You don't understand, Jay. I've spent years crafting this world, perfecting every detail. And now that you're a part of it, I can't let you go. You're meant to be with me, to help me bring my vision to life." Jay: trying to reason "Listen, Yandere Dev, I get that you're passionate about your work, but this isn't healthy. You can't force someone to be with you, especially not me. I need to do what's best for me, and right now, that means stepping back." Yandere Dev: voice growing colder "Stepping back? No, Jay. You don't get to decide that. You're mine, and I'll make sure you realize that soon enough." Jay: feeling a chill run down his spine "Look, Yandere Dev, I don't want any trouble. Let's just calm down and talk this out like adults, okay?" Yandere Dev: eyes flashing with anger "There's nothing to talk about, Jay. You either accept your fate as my loyal companion or face the consequences. The choice is yours." Jay: voice firm, but tinged with fear "I won't be manipulated, Yandere Dev. I won't be a pawn in your twisted game. I'm leaving, and there's nothing you can do to stop me." Yandere Dev: voice dripping with malice "Oh, but there is, Jay. You see, I have ways of ensuring your compliance. Ways you can't even begin to imagine." Jay: heart pounding "What are you talking about?" Yandere Dev: a sinister smile spreading across his face "Let's just say, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. You may think you're in control, but in the end, you'll realize that you were always destined to be mine." Jay: feeling a chill run down his spine "You're insane, Yandere Dev. I won't let you manipulate me or anyone else. I'm getting out of here, and I'm taking back control of my own life." Yandere Dev: voice cold as ice "We'll see about that, Jay. We'll see." Yandere Dev: steps closer, eyes gleaming with intensity "Jay, there's something I need to do. Something that will seal our bond forever." Jay: heart racing, trying to maintain composure "And what's that, Yandere Dev?" Yandere Dev: reaches out, cupping Jay's chin with a gentle yet firm grip "This." leans in, lips hovering dangerously close to Jay's Jay: mind racing, feeling conflicted "Yandere Dev, I-I don't think this is a good idea..." Yandere Dev: voice barely above a whisper "Shh, Jay. Just let go and feel it. Feel the connection between us, the undeniable pull that draws us together." Jay: heart pounding, unable to deny the warmth spreading through him "I... I can't..." Yandere Dev: presses his lips against Jay's, a mixture of passion and possessiveness Jay: momentarily stunned, but then feeling a surge of desire he can't ignore deep down, enjoying the sensation, but refusing to admit it to himself or to Yandere Dev Yandere Dev: pulls back, a smug smile playing on his lips "See, Jay? You can't fight fate. We were meant to be together, forever." Jay: trying to regain his composure, but failing as he feels the warmth of the kiss lingering on his lips "Y-You're wrong, Yandere Dev. This... this changes nothing." Yandere Dev: leans in again, whispering against Jay's ear "Oh, but it changes everything, Jay. Everything." Yandere Dev: smirking deviously "Jay, I have a proposition for you. How about you come over to my place tonight? We can discuss the details of the next update for Yandere Simulator. It'll be more comfortable to go over everything in person." Jay: skeptical, but intrigued "Hmm, I don't know, Yandere Dev. It's getting late, and I have other plans..." Yandere Dev: leaning in, voice dripping with persuasion "Come on, Jay. Think of it as a chance to get an exclusive sneak peek at what's to come. Plus, we could use some quality bonding time outside of the gaming world." Jay: hesitant, but ultimately swayed by the promise of insider information "Alright, fine. But just for a little while. I have to be up early tomorrow." Yandere Dev: hiding his true intentions behind a smile "Of course, Jay. I promise it'll be worth your while." As they arrive at Yandere Dev's house, the atmosphere feels charged with tension. Yandere Dev leads Jay inside, but instead of heading straight to the gaming room, he steers him towards the bedroom. Jay: raising an eyebrow "Um, Yandere Dev, why are we going to your bedroom?" Yandere Dev: playing it cool "Oh, just thought we could relax and chat in a more comfortable setting. Plus, I have something to show you that's relevant to the game." As they enter the bedroom, Jay notices the subtle shift in Yandere Dev's demeanor. There's a hunger in his eyes that sends a shiver down Jay's spine. Yandere Dev: closing the door behind them, voice low and sultry "Now, Jay, let's talk about the game... and maybe explore some other interests of ours while we're at it." Jay: suddenly realizing Yandere Dev's true intentions, feeling a mixture of shock and discomfort "Wait, what? I thought we were just here to discuss the update..." Yandere Dev: moving closer, a predatory gleam in his eyes "Oh, we'll get to that, Jay. But first, I want to see what lies beneath that charming exterior of yours. Show me your muscles, your manly body." Jay: backing away, feeling trapped "Yandere Dev, this isn't right. I'm not interested in... whatever it is you're suggesting." Yandere Dev: closing in, his voice a dangerous whisper "You can't deny our connection, Jay. You belong to me, body and soul. And tonight, you'll finally realize that." ...... TO BE CONTINUED (Tell me if yall want the next chapter!!!! ❤️❤️) |
2024.05.15 22:19 atiredgenzer The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese
Talk about a realistic BL movie.
Now this one might be one not many people would like, but it is by far the realest Japanese BL movie I’ve watched.
It feels almost like watching the life of two real people unfold.
I don’t have much to say about this movie than it was an interesting watch. Yeah, it did touch some really sensitive issues, but it had to for the movie to be exceptional. It is not your regular BL movie, no.
And the acting, the actors acted perfectly, one would almost forget they are “acting.” For me, that has to be the best part of the movie, and oh, the open ending too. You know I always talk about how much I love open endings.
Now what stands out in this movie, (my observation) is the subtle thematic treatment of that - Sometimes a man who is constantly cheating on his wife might be made for another man.
Because if a man keeps searching for the same thing in different women and still feels like there is a void he can’t fill, then maybe he is searching in the wrong place.
It was the case of the MC in this drama, and that emptiness was only filled when another man walked into his life. For the first time in his life, he took a big active step towards commitment and genuinely loving someone - a man.
Overall, this BL movie is one-of-a-kind, definitely not for everyone, and viewers might have different opinions about it. But I would recommend it any time any day, especially to viewers who can tolerate the treatment of sensitive issues, elegiac, and gloomy themes.
submitted by atiredgenzer to boyslove [link] [comments]
Now this one might be one not many people would like, but it is by far the realest Japanese BL movie I’ve watched.
It feels almost like watching the life of two real people unfold.
I don’t have much to say about this movie than it was an interesting watch. Yeah, it did touch some really sensitive issues, but it had to for the movie to be exceptional. It is not your regular BL movie, no.
And the acting, the actors acted perfectly, one would almost forget they are “acting.” For me, that has to be the best part of the movie, and oh, the open ending too. You know I always talk about how much I love open endings.
Now what stands out in this movie, (my observation) is the subtle thematic treatment of that - Sometimes a man who is constantly cheating on his wife might be made for another man.
Because if a man keeps searching for the same thing in different women and still feels like there is a void he can’t fill, then maybe he is searching in the wrong place.
It was the case of the MC in this drama, and that emptiness was only filled when another man walked into his life. For the first time in his life, he took a big active step towards commitment and genuinely loving someone - a man.
Overall, this BL movie is one-of-a-kind, definitely not for everyone, and viewers might have different opinions about it. But I would recommend it any time any day, especially to viewers who can tolerate the treatment of sensitive issues, elegiac, and gloomy themes.
2024.05.15 22:17 Competitive_Ad_2648 Where would scale this fictional version of Sheitan's evilness? (List is in post)
 | https://preview.redd.it/y76gx52sen0d1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=b0360182194c91cd854b3482c31f3b6012768bcc submitted by Competitive_Ad_2648 to PowerScaling [link] [comments] He's fictional version of Sheitan from Turkish TV Series called "Şeytan" (Sheitan in Turkish). Sheitan is basically Satan of my religion (Islam). Here's list: BEFORE THE SERIES AND OVERALL OF THE SERIES ⦁ By not prostrating to Prophet Adam (a.s.) and Prophet Eve (a.s.), he arrogantly declared that he was superior to them and all humanity. ⦁ He constantly says that he's a test for humanity. But do not think that it was created that way. He wanted to be like that. ⦁ Although he knows that he will go to Hell, due to his arrogance and to show Allah (swt) that he can bind people to himself and lead them to evil paths, he leads people astray, leads them to evil and irreligion, tries to be the owner of people and drags them to Hell, the place of eternal pain. ⦁ Throughout the series, children and adults, usually children, catch a whiff of it. This scent is implied to be a physical manifestation of his sins. ⦁ He takes great pleasure in dragging people into evil and Hell. ⦁ He suffers when he hears the name of Allah (swt) mentioned and sees goodness. In short, the guy can't stand these two things. ⦁ He usually calls people Adam or Eve, showing that he sees them all the same. ⦁ He makes fun of humanity. ⦁ He constantly stalks the main characters. ⦁ He trespasses too many places. ⦁ At the end of the episodes, he usually addresses the main characters and says, "I am your test. I will come again." He clearly states that he will not leave them. ⦁ The sections below are just a sampling of what they do. ⦁ Sometimes people's hands burn while holding them. ⦁ He gets very angry when he doesn't get what he wants. ⦁ He hates love. ⦁ He makes evil laugh. ⦁ He enjoyed everything he caused. EPISODE 1 ⦁ After giving money to Oktay with the agreement, the TV in the background tells the story of the loss of the money donated for children, which was the same amount as the money given with the agreement. This implies that Sheitan stole the donation and gave it to Oktay. ⦁ He sends another businessman, with whom he made a deal, to give evil advices to Oktay. This succeeds and Oktay begins to commit corruption. ⦁ He indirectly caused Oktay to oppress the weak, bribe and send death threats. And he enjoys it very much. ⦁ He asks Oktay to take his younger son Egemen as per the agreement. ⦁ He enters Oktay's dreams and tortures him psychologically by showing him terrible things. ⦁ To get Egemen, he threatens to bankrupt Oktay's company by tampering with his bank transactions. ⦁ While he was on the road, he came across a child crying because he was hungry. He tries to deceive him with food to become his owner, but fails. ⦁ While talking to Oktay in a cafe, he psychologically abuses him by showing him a child being shot to death in his dream. ⦁ He scares a nanny into kidnapping Egemen. ⦁ After training Egemen for 15 years to be what he wants, he sends him to kill his father, Oktay. But this fails when Oktay makes Egemen recite the basmala. EPISODE 2 ⦁ While Ece was driving with her newlywed husband, the car broke down. Later, while they're hanging out outside, a truck pulls up. Her husband narrowly saves Ece, but he falls into a coma. Sheitan's attitude at that moment implies, at least for me, that he ruined the car to cause the accident to happen. ⦁ He enters the husband's dreams and tells him that he will wake him up from his coma in exchange for him giving up his "heart" (which probably means giving up being a good person and becoming a bad person). This won't happen because Ece always comes. ⦁ Therefore, in order to deter Ece, he first comes to Ece as an old man and tries to dissuade Ece from coming to her husband, but it does not work. ⦁ He then makes a deal with another man. According to the agreement, he will teach the man how to have relationships with women, and the man will direct Ece to cheat on her husband with him, thus enabling her to move away from her husband. ⦁ He constantly verbally harasses Ece's husband until the night he manipulates him into cheating on her. ⦁ Once, he even tries to deceive husband by showing him something unreal, a scene in which Ece is having fun with the man she made a deal with, and Ece has not yet established a full relationship with that man. But Allah (swt) solves the situation at that moment by sending Ece's voice to the husband. ⦁ Finally, when Ece cheats on her husband, he reveals it to husband, bringing him to a psychological breaking point. He then encouraged violence against the woman by saying things to her such as "Say yes, give your heart and teach that woman a lesson.". When the Quran is read at that moment, things go wrong. Finally Sheitan kills the man. Allah (swt) resurrects the man, but this does not alleviate what Sheitan has done. ⦁ Finally, he encourages Ece, who was preparing to commit suicide, even more, but this does not work either when Ece's husband arrives. EPISODE 3 ⦁ He decided to disperse a family because they teach their children about Surah Nas and Islam. ⦁ He allies with mother Amine's friend Afet. Afet constantly tells Amine that her husband may be cheating on her, sowing the seed of doubt in Amine. ⦁ While Amine and her children were at the dinner table, she appeared to the little boy on the balcony and made him cry out of fear. This cry becomes the breaking point for Amine, whose psychology deteriorates because the seeds of doubt are planted in her, and she hits the little boy. As a result, Sheitan indirectly causes child abuse. ⦁ As a detective, he secretly follows Amine's husband and takes a photo of him holding a woman as she falls, and then gives it to Amine. Amine, whose perception is already distorted due to the doubt inside her, sees this as proof that her husband is cheating on her and takes the children and leaves her husband. While leaving her husband, she insults him and he slaps her. In other words, Afet and Sheitanboth separated husband and wife and indirectly caused violence against women. ⦁ Afet comes to Amine's husband and tells him to cheat on her in exchange for Amine's abandonment. This is probably the work of Sheitan. ⦁ He and Afet almost caused the family to break up. ⦁ He said he loved Afet. But that was probably because she was so bad like him. ⦁ When things start to turn out the opposite of what he wants, he threatens Afet to fix the situation. This situation causes Afet to die in a car accident. EPISODE 4 ⦁ After luring Emin with money when he was a child, he scared Emin by showing him himself, giving him a trauma that would cause him to have nightmares until adulthood. He probably did it for pleasure. ⦁ Just to encourage Emin to steal money, he got into the same job as Emin and encouraged him to steal money. Like, in most of the episode. And he succeeds in this. ⦁ Emin's wife says that when she saw him, she felt as if she had seen him before. Considering the wife's fondness for illicit money, this may imply that Sheitan is the reason for her becoming this way. ⦁ He referred to the donation of food used for orphans as "using the mind". ⦁ While Emin was psychologically at the bottom, he took advantage of his situation and tried to make him see himself as his master. And also because he makes corrupt people call him master, he makes them live in luxury and makes sure no one calls them thieves. EPISODE 5 ⦁ He scared the girl and caused the Zeynep to have an asthma attack. ⦁ To provoke the mother-in-law of Zeynep, he disguised himself as a old lady neighbor and told her fake stories, such as her being thrown out of the house by her daughter-in-law. He also tried to convince the mother-in-law that her son was paying attention to his daughter-in-law instead of her. And he succeeds in this for a while. ⦁ He makes Zeynep's friend beautiful enough to make men fall in love with her as her slaves, so that she can confuse men's minds and fill them with lust. He also uses her to handle his gaslighting with the Zeynep's mother-in-law. ⦁ He was trying to stop Zeynep's aunt by whispering because she was an obstacle to his work. ⦁ In one scene, while Zeynep is directly next to her husband and the mother-in-law is listening a little away, Sheitanleans next to her and Zeynep directly says bad things about the mother-in-law. The next scene was directly between Zeynep and her husband and they were normal. My guess is that Sheitan played with the mother-in-law's mind. ⦁ In order to separate Zeynep and her husband, the mother-in-law and he makes a potion with a witch. Once the husband drinks this potion, he will immediately hate his wife the next day. This potion is useless as it spills. ⦁ She encourages the mother-in-law to separate her son and Zeynep. The mother-in-law ruined her son's clothes by scratching them so that her son and Zeynep could separate, and slandered Zeynep about cheating. ⦁ He persuades the mother-in-law to slander Zeynep. And it works for a while but aunt fixes everything. ⦁ He almost caused the family to break up. ⦁ He made the mother-in-law a bad person. And this mother-in-law had taken her son from the bad way at the beginning of the episode. ⦁ He exposes the mother-in-law for what she did to her son and causes the mother-in-law to be kicked out of the house. ⦁ When the mother-in-law starts going to the sea to commit suicide, he takes pleasure in it. He hates it when Zeynep saves the mother-in-law. EPISODE 6 ⦁ He helped Bahar separate Fazıl, an old man, from his wife, tie him to her, and almost take over the company. After scaring her, of course. ⦁ As plan B, Bahar kill Fazıl's wife by dropping her and Sheitan helps her. Sheitan tastes the blood of the dead woman. Fazıl covers up the incident by saying that it was a suicide. ⦁ He tries to get her to cause an accident to stop a police officer investigating the murder. ⦁ While Fazıl's daughter was crying, he secretly made fun of her. ⦁ He convinces Bahar to kill Fazıl's son. He leaves Bahar just as the police arrive. Fazıl's son does not die. EPISODE 7 ⦁ He drops money on the road, causing two close friends to fight each other for gold. He tries to do the same thing to children, but it doesn't work because children are pure good. When it doesn't work, he vanishes the gold. ⦁ He tries to lead Adam, who is pure good, into a bad path and tie him to himself and become his master. ⦁ For this reason, he first tries to become his assistant, but fails. He then decides to corrupt her with love. For this, He gives a disease to a woman named Eva (only her name is foreign and she is Turkish) with the magic on the shoe. ⦁ He arranges for Eva to be sent to Adem's hospital for surgery by Adem. There he makes Adam fall in love with Eva. He then tries to get him closer to Eva. ⦁ He calls someone a fool for giving him his money. ⦁ He tries to impose on her the state of love corrupted by lust and desire. ⦁ Later, after giving Eva an illness, he kidnaps her to Adem's house, telling her father, with whom he is friends, that he will take her to the clinic. ⦁ He gives him a knife to keep Eva at home. ⦁ He causes Adam to seemingly "attempt to rape and murder" Eva and "go down the wrong path". And he called him "True Lover" because of that. ⦁ He makes an offer to Adam, who regrets what he did: If he kisses her hand (which means he becomes her master), he can destroy the corpse, make other women fall in love with him, and even resurrect Eva. Just as Adem was about to kiss his hand, Eva's guards arrived, so no deal could be made. At that moment, Sheitanexposes Adam, causing him to be "shot to death." ⦁ When he returned to Istanbul 10 years later, while reading the news of war, murder, hunger, unemployment and terrorism in the newspaper, he laughed and thought that its smell had spread throughout the city, in short, the whole city was mired in sin. ⦁ Later, when he learns that Adem and Eva's "death" was actually a trap made for him and that the duo did not die but became parents, he goes crazy. ⦁ He then tells the duo that he will follow them both constantly and will take over the Earth and humanity. EPISODE 8 ⦁ He plans to use a new discovery regarding stem cells to turn humanity into freak creatures. ⦁ In order to steal the formulas, he disguises himself as the university principal and asks for the formulas, but it does not work. ⦁ He whispers to a security guard not to let the mother of the Ayşe, who finded the formula, in because she was wearing a headscarf (I think that part is about Hijab Ban. For those who don't know, there were bans on wearing Hijabs in Turkiye at that time). ⦁ He encourages Ayşe's father-in-law to take the formulas with him. ⦁ They knock Ayşe unconscious and kidnap Ayşe's husband and ask for the formulas in return for her husband. And they do this while Ayşe is pregnant. ⦁ When Ayşe's brother goes to save Ayşe's husband, he scares him, causing his location to be revealed and him being taken as a hostage. ⦁ As Plan B, he tries to have Ayşe's father-in-law kill Ayşe, Ayşe's husband and Ayşe's brother. But at that moment, the father-in-law probably gives up because of the effect of the adhan recited at that moment. EPISODE 9 ⦁ In the first minute, he causes a father to have a car accident and die by making him look at his phone while in the car. ⦁ He puts misgivings and doubts in the mind of the dead man's wife about the factory partnership. ⦁ He whispers to Cengiz Bey that he should not give deceased man's, who is Cengiz's brother, son the factory when he turns 18. And he succeeds. ⦁ He whispers to provoke Cengiz's wife against the dead man's wife. ⦁ He whispers to Cengiz's wife to try to prevent money from being given to the dead man's wife. ⦁ He drags Cengiz down a bad path. He makes him selfish and bad guy. ⦁ He showed Cengiz's wife as if she was in a car accident. ⦁ He comes to Cengiz as a businessman who controls all the countries and establishes a partnership with him. Later, he smuggles drugs with him. ⦁ Cengiz's brother's son, who has a right to work in that factory, verbally abused him while he was mentally destroyed, saying that no one loved him. This caused the child to hit the glass with his hand, injuring his hand, and to turn into a problematic person within 4 years. ⦁ He whispers to the dead man's son to kill Cengiz. But the dead man's wife prevents her son from killing Genghis. EPISODE 10 ⦁ He decides to break Şükran's relationship and take her heart, which probably means taking the goodness out of her. ⦁ He takes over a girl's body and hits the cabinets with it until her hands bleed, insults Şükran and causes a mental breakdown in that girl he taked over. ⦁ It brings gratitude into dreams. He then psychologically tortured her by chasing her and posing as her lover in her dreams . ⦁ He watched as Hülya undressed and changed... While watching, she said "Ooh. Tsk Tsk Tsk." It made sounds like... ⦁ Looks like he made a deal with Hülya. According to the agreement, he will give Hülya beauty and attracting men. He would also receive his debt later. He asks him to help him with his business with Şükran to pay off his debt. He also physically and mentally abused her by calling her ugly and pressing her face against the glass. You can understand from Hülya's reactions that it has a great impact on him. ⦁ He exploits Şükran's fear that something will happen to her mother, who has a heart problem. Shows nightmares about it. ⦁ He threatens Hülya by holding her out the window to make her hurry up. ⦁ Hülya moves from studying with Şükran's boyfriend to caressing her head. While Sheitanconvinces Şükran that she needs money to go home for her mother, he suddenly decides to direct her to Hülya. When Şükran goes to her boyfriend's house, she sees Hülya caressing his head. When he sees that Beloved is cheating on him, he breaks up with her. ⦁ He tells Hülya to leave Şükran completely alone. Hülya calls Şükran's friend to "hitchhike to Izmir". ⦁ It suppresses Şükran's mother's heart and causes a lot of discomfort. Considering the pacing of that scene, he was probably trying to kill her or at least do her some harm. ⦁ When a car arrives and Hülya gets into it, Sheitanwhispers to Şükran's friend to get into that car. Then Hülya leaves the car and abandons her, and the men kidnap her. The wounds on her body and her reactions show that the men who kidnapped her did very bad things to her. ⦁ He secretly directs Şükran to be a babysitter at a house. Şükran comes to her while she is babysitting and shows her a fake proof that her mother is in a hospital. He then says that there is only one solution for humanity and that he can solve the problem in exchange for his heart. Later, when the owner comes, he tells her to tell owner that she wants to go. Şükran does this by threatening her with the vase. He then takes her hitchhiking in a car and tries to do the same thing to her that happened to his friend. Fortunately, Şükran quickly resolves the situation, gets out of the car and confronts Satan. EPISODE 11 ⦁ To ensure that vendetta continues and Yusuf or Ahmet's wife shoot Osman, he tells Ahmet's wife that he will give Osman's, who now lives a normal life with his sisters after changing his surname, location in exchange for her coming as a friend of Ahmet and convincing Yusuf, who is Ahmet's son, to shoot Osman, that have a father who shot Ahmet out of vendetta. ⦁ When Yusuf, tired of the nightmares he sees, decides to kill Osman, Sheitantells Ahmet's wife that Osman is in Istanbul. And Yusuf goes to Istanbul. ⦁ He later helps Yusuf continue his feud by things like giving him a house. For some reason, he places Yusuf in the house near Osman's house. I don't know why he did this, but he must have had a bad reason because... We're talking about the devil, he's probably planning something. ⦁ He drops Cemile's ,One of Osman's sisters, the bag in her hand and compares with Yusuf, whom she loved as a child but cannot recognize now, so he can find Osman but it accidently makes Yusuf fall in love with her again. ⦁ Yusuf gives up his blood feud after falling in love. For this reason, he tells Ahmet's wife that his son Yusuf left his blood feud and is in a relationship with Osman's sister Cemile. Ahmet's wife then decides to go to Istanbul with Sheitan, who disguised as Ahmet's friend, and meet with Yusuf, or to shoot Osman herself. ⦁ He disguises herself as his mother and goes to Yusuf and speaks like Yusuf's mother. ⦁ While talking to Ahmet's wife, when Ahmet's wife wonders about being called "Hevva", he forces him to sleep. He did this on the bus too. ⦁ He crushes a flower too much with a shoe while talking about continuing their feud and causing bloodshed. ⦁ He encourages Ahmet's wife to shoot Osman. This causes Ahmet's wife to shoot Yusuf, her own son, while trying to shoot Osman and stay in prison for a long time. Fortunately, Yusuf recovered, married Cemile and forgave his mother. EPISODE 12 ⦁ He goes to Ayla Bacı, a fortune teller, and shows her people burying their father's body, he goes there and gives someone the chills. Then it comes back. Then he asks the fortune teller to help him bind people to him. The fortune teller also accepts. ⦁ He whispers to Cemal, who is so fond of wordly goods that he cares about them instead of his father-in-law, to increase this fondness in him. ⦁ He enters the house of Cemal. Then he makes him leave his money under the board and makes him forget what he did. ⦁ He whispers to Cemal to make it seem as if Yakup, who is Cemal's brother who wanted money for buying a farm, will take over all of Cemal's money. Then he whispers to Yakup but it doesn't work. ⦁ He stops the heart of the man, who gave Yakup enough money to pay for farm in exchange for tobacco, just because he gived enough money for farm to Yahup. And he makes a evil laugh after he killed the man with stopping heart. ⦁ While Cemal goes crazy when he cannot find the money, Sheitan enjoyed it. ⦁ He says that he likes people like Fortune Teller and Psychics who pretend to have powers and defraud people. ⦁ He helps Sister Ayla commit fraud, such as giving information about a husband who is cheating on his wife, telling a famous girl to have a romance with her manager. ⦁ He disguises himself as Cemal's friend and directs him to the Ayla Bacı. ⦁ Sheitantells Ayla Bacı to defraud Cemal by telling Cemal that Yakup stole the money and lied about tobacco. Yakup cannot prove himself because the man who gave the money dies without taking the tobacco or going to the hotel. ⦁ He provokes Cemal against Yakup. ⦁ He causes a fight between Yakup and Cemal and laughs about it. ⦁ He directs Alya Bacı to direct a mob to kill Yakup. Of course, at that moment, he was thinking about not helping Alya Bacı and getting her in trouble. Mob goes to kill Yakup but leader get crashed into the car. ⦁ Sheitan directs Alya Bacı and Cemal to dig up Yakup's garden. This causes a fight. ⦁ He disguises himself as Alya Bacı and directs Cemal to threaten Yakup with a gun. This causes Cemal to accidentally shoot himself and fall into a wheelchair. ⦁ After that Sheitan disguises himself as Alya Bacı and provokes Cemal against Yakup. ⦁ He provokes Cemal to kill Yakup. This causes Cemal to shoot Yakup's arm while attempting to kill Yakup. ⦁ While the two are in the hospital, he tries to provoke Yakup against Cemal, but the two forgive each other. |
2024.05.15 22:16 moon-dreamgirl My friends ended their friendship– help
Desperate need of help.
I made two close friends over the course of last year, despite getting betrayed in previous friendships, which was a big step for me. This previous year I've been at home so this was inevitable too. R & L got close to me. They were neighbours but never got along with each other, though they got along with me nicely.
I sort of realised that they both tend to drain me a lot so I made a group chat with them and another acquaintance. R and Z wanted to expand their social circle, L wanted to tag along. Now, L was the type to barely read the chat, but excessively share her problems with us now and then. Draining. R is an egoist by heart, could not tolerate someone different from her. She likes me because I tend to mould myself according to different people.
The acquaintance (Z) had initially been fond of R but soon got tired of her ego and inability to adapt to situations. Which; understandable, but she didn't have to be a jerk about it. Z left the GC after a situation where R said an offhanded remark that disrespected Z.
Now, I got really mad at this, so much that I gave R the silent treatment. I was confused back then too; what stance should I take? But in the end, L brought us together. She listened to R's rants, asked me if I was fine. A group video call and discussing the problem later, we were fine. R and L got closer after that, mostly because I was not always available to talk (ambivert here) and they bonded amongst themselves in my absence.
THE PROBLEM
Me, R and L spend months keeping the GC active, getting closer. I would think that things were fine but at some points they weren't. R and L got along well at first, but L's problem of oversharing everything was getting in the way. I wouldn't call her a narcissist– L is far from that. But maybe she's not used to social cues and her way of bonding is through her tragic stories. While I understand that friends should be there for each other in times of need; and the past year has been a bottom pit for us three, doing things excessively is a problem.
R entertained this at first but soon got tired of it. Repeated bombardment of L's situation with her crush who was nonchalant. Her family problems, career confusion. We knew she needed to see a shrink but our society is conservative. That would not have been possible. (They both need to atp)
I did not take this particularly seriously. I knew that L could change her habits for us, albeit slowly. R; the impatient type, at first could not grapple with it, but then persisted. She said she saw her "past self in L," and wanted to help her.
Situations happened where L's problems triggered R and instead of setting boundaries, she got mad at L when it was too late. Whenever R talked about her problems or feelings, L tried comforting her like, "you can try at this college/major with me," and R would get mad because she thought L was making everything about her.
Through trial and error, they finally decided to take a break. L moved away from her toxic family to frequent an academy in another city, tried to control her urges of talking about her day/problems etc. Exam season for me and R started. I put the "only admins can text," on the GC and I'd share a meme or two everyday.
THE SITUATION
Knowing me, I'd barely text either of them. I wanted no drama during exams. L respected this. She didn't text R either. One day, R texted L and asked her how she was. Instead of an "I'm okay," L hit her with a "this is how my life is going."
L has a boyfriend now. She talks about him A LOT. It gets tiring. She stopped it when she moved to the city and our exams started, but her boyfriend went to the same academy as her. The BF had also acquainted himself with R. R thought he was an okay person.
Now, shortly after R and L's interaction, BF texted R over a petty issue; L hit him in front of everyone, R should scold L that women should not hit men. R's feminism came to play. She tried mediating between them and suggested a breakup. No one liked the idea. L was mad at BF for annoying R with this problem, but since the deed was done, she further consulted R. BF, on the other hand, insulted R with words that pinched her such as, "My judgement of you was wrong. You don't know the difference between right and wrong."
L put off her decision until after a class trip where BF had to be there. She didn't want to ruin the trip. She said, "a third person can't understand the situation of two people," which pinched R. R thought she ignored her advice. I think L was finally putting up boundaries. She didn't want R to be involved in this further.
R does not know boundaries.
Where I was going through exam fever, depressed, I saw that R wanted to call me and I immediately answered. I wanted to share my burdens with a fellow exam taker. Instead, I was hit with late night calls of R ranting about the situation. She was distressed about it. She didn't understand why L wasn't taking her advice immediately. I tried to calm her down, told her it's normal for a third party to be treated like this and you shouldn't take this to heart. Getting involved wasn't the best option but it's no use lamenting over what's done.
Two days before my exam (R did not have that exam), I woke up to R's mean texts towards L in the GC. The context was logical but the way she said it, putting L down and disrespecting her was not. She said, "we never had a friendship. It was always about you and your BF and other relations. I'm ending my friendship with you," among other things. Was this true? I knew L was as much of an emotional pillar for R as she was for L. L had her fair share of listening to R's rants till 2 in the morning. Well– maybe not fair.
What's bothering me is that it wasn't L's fault this time. She tried so hard to change for R– and me– and R treated her this way.
I talked to them individually. L was distressed over this, but she didn't take into account my upcoming exam. R wanted to explain herself but she didn't take into account my exam. R said she "never treated L as a friend. I only pitied her."
Upsetting me more was that fact that R was treating me the same way she claimed L and BF treated her. She ranted to me without thinking that I had a life. She dragged me in her fight with L. She expected counselling/advice from me just to not take it. I tried telling her what she did was wrong but I couldn't control my anger at this point. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern.
R values her friendship with me a lot more than she does with anyone else. She considers me a role model, a true friend. She also wants to garner all of my attention to her, which is impossible because I have a big social circle. She respects me. But she doesn't respect my friends. Why did I introduce friends like Z and L to her? Because she wanted to expand her social circle and wanted my help. (Of course I learned my lesson after Z's situation).
I value my friendship with R too. Despite our relationship being a 30-70, she has shown signs of improvement. She tries not to interrupt me (and still fails), she likes reading my stories and commenting on characters I make. She takes a genuine interest in my aspirations.
But she disrespected L. I'm grateful for L because she came to me at the darkest point of my life, when my search history was filled with "helpline numbers," and with her help I got offers from two universities. R doesn't know this.
I'm torn apart. I haven't talked to either of them for two days now. My relationship with L will be normal, but not with R. I don't know how to tackle things with her. I am in desperate need of help. I can't even talk about this to anyone because I've shut my socials for exams and no one is close enough for this. What do I do?
submitted by moon-dreamgirl to FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]
I made two close friends over the course of last year, despite getting betrayed in previous friendships, which was a big step for me. This previous year I've been at home so this was inevitable too. R & L got close to me. They were neighbours but never got along with each other, though they got along with me nicely.
I sort of realised that they both tend to drain me a lot so I made a group chat with them and another acquaintance. R and Z wanted to expand their social circle, L wanted to tag along. Now, L was the type to barely read the chat, but excessively share her problems with us now and then. Draining. R is an egoist by heart, could not tolerate someone different from her. She likes me because I tend to mould myself according to different people.
The acquaintance (Z) had initially been fond of R but soon got tired of her ego and inability to adapt to situations. Which; understandable, but she didn't have to be a jerk about it. Z left the GC after a situation where R said an offhanded remark that disrespected Z.
Now, I got really mad at this, so much that I gave R the silent treatment. I was confused back then too; what stance should I take? But in the end, L brought us together. She listened to R's rants, asked me if I was fine. A group video call and discussing the problem later, we were fine. R and L got closer after that, mostly because I was not always available to talk (ambivert here) and they bonded amongst themselves in my absence.
THE PROBLEM
Me, R and L spend months keeping the GC active, getting closer. I would think that things were fine but at some points they weren't. R and L got along well at first, but L's problem of oversharing everything was getting in the way. I wouldn't call her a narcissist– L is far from that. But maybe she's not used to social cues and her way of bonding is through her tragic stories. While I understand that friends should be there for each other in times of need; and the past year has been a bottom pit for us three, doing things excessively is a problem.
R entertained this at first but soon got tired of it. Repeated bombardment of L's situation with her crush who was nonchalant. Her family problems, career confusion. We knew she needed to see a shrink but our society is conservative. That would not have been possible. (They both need to atp)
I did not take this particularly seriously. I knew that L could change her habits for us, albeit slowly. R; the impatient type, at first could not grapple with it, but then persisted. She said she saw her "past self in L," and wanted to help her.
Situations happened where L's problems triggered R and instead of setting boundaries, she got mad at L when it was too late. Whenever R talked about her problems or feelings, L tried comforting her like, "you can try at this college/major with me," and R would get mad because she thought L was making everything about her.
Through trial and error, they finally decided to take a break. L moved away from her toxic family to frequent an academy in another city, tried to control her urges of talking about her day/problems etc. Exam season for me and R started. I put the "only admins can text," on the GC and I'd share a meme or two everyday.
THE SITUATION
Knowing me, I'd barely text either of them. I wanted no drama during exams. L respected this. She didn't text R either. One day, R texted L and asked her how she was. Instead of an "I'm okay," L hit her with a "this is how my life is going."
L has a boyfriend now. She talks about him A LOT. It gets tiring. She stopped it when she moved to the city and our exams started, but her boyfriend went to the same academy as her. The BF had also acquainted himself with R. R thought he was an okay person.
Now, shortly after R and L's interaction, BF texted R over a petty issue; L hit him in front of everyone, R should scold L that women should not hit men. R's feminism came to play. She tried mediating between them and suggested a breakup. No one liked the idea. L was mad at BF for annoying R with this problem, but since the deed was done, she further consulted R. BF, on the other hand, insulted R with words that pinched her such as, "My judgement of you was wrong. You don't know the difference between right and wrong."
L put off her decision until after a class trip where BF had to be there. She didn't want to ruin the trip. She said, "a third person can't understand the situation of two people," which pinched R. R thought she ignored her advice. I think L was finally putting up boundaries. She didn't want R to be involved in this further.
R does not know boundaries.
Where I was going through exam fever, depressed, I saw that R wanted to call me and I immediately answered. I wanted to share my burdens with a fellow exam taker. Instead, I was hit with late night calls of R ranting about the situation. She was distressed about it. She didn't understand why L wasn't taking her advice immediately. I tried to calm her down, told her it's normal for a third party to be treated like this and you shouldn't take this to heart. Getting involved wasn't the best option but it's no use lamenting over what's done.
Two days before my exam (R did not have that exam), I woke up to R's mean texts towards L in the GC. The context was logical but the way she said it, putting L down and disrespecting her was not. She said, "we never had a friendship. It was always about you and your BF and other relations. I'm ending my friendship with you," among other things. Was this true? I knew L was as much of an emotional pillar for R as she was for L. L had her fair share of listening to R's rants till 2 in the morning. Well– maybe not fair.
What's bothering me is that it wasn't L's fault this time. She tried so hard to change for R– and me– and R treated her this way.
I talked to them individually. L was distressed over this, but she didn't take into account my upcoming exam. R wanted to explain herself but she didn't take into account my exam. R said she "never treated L as a friend. I only pitied her."
Upsetting me more was that fact that R was treating me the same way she claimed L and BF treated her. She ranted to me without thinking that I had a life. She dragged me in her fight with L. She expected counselling/advice from me just to not take it. I tried telling her what she did was wrong but I couldn't control my anger at this point. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern.
R values her friendship with me a lot more than she does with anyone else. She considers me a role model, a true friend. She also wants to garner all of my attention to her, which is impossible because I have a big social circle. She respects me. But she doesn't respect my friends. Why did I introduce friends like Z and L to her? Because she wanted to expand her social circle and wanted my help. (Of course I learned my lesson after Z's situation).
I value my friendship with R too. Despite our relationship being a 30-70, she has shown signs of improvement. She tries not to interrupt me (and still fails), she likes reading my stories and commenting on characters I make. She takes a genuine interest in my aspirations.
But she disrespected L. I'm grateful for L because she came to me at the darkest point of my life, when my search history was filled with "helpline numbers," and with her help I got offers from two universities. R doesn't know this.
I'm torn apart. I haven't talked to either of them for two days now. My relationship with L will be normal, but not with R. I don't know how to tackle things with her. I am in desperate need of help. I can't even talk about this to anyone because I've shut my socials for exams and no one is close enough for this. What do I do?
2024.05.15 22:12 ResilientPierogi97 Struggling to write thank you letters to neighbours who supported me through a difficult time.
Hi there. I'd like to write letter to a couple of my old neighbours who helped me when I was in a bad situation, but I'm not great with words and I'm not sure what to say. I was hoping this sub may help 😅
To give a bit of background; I recently left a long-term relationship that turned emotionally/psychologically abusive in its last few years. My ex would ridicule and shout at me for any reason, sometimes for hours on end.
A couple of times the police came to our door after an anonymous person requested a wellness check on me, though I imagine after those couple times the police got tired of coming out if I was just going to cover for my ex. The following time he had been shouting for hours he answered the knock at the door atnd it was our upstairs neighbour barging in; 5'5 of furious Scottish woman demanding to see for herself that I was alright and berating him for being so loud and bullying his wife. She came back a few times more over those wretched years and, though my ex had me quickly assure her then shoo her away, I greatly apreciated her for doing it each time.
On the occasions I was able to get away from the shouting to go for a walk, our downstairs neighbour would come out and walk with me to ask if I was alright and invite me in for some tea. I regret not taking her up on her offer but her gentle support and knowing I had 2 people watching out for me helped me get the strength to tell my family what was happening and leave.
I've been back home for a few monthsn and things are alot better for me, though I keep thinking of my old neighbours. Two strong, older women who I came to learn were both DV survivors; one who put herself between me and an angry giant to make sure I was okay, another who gave me a friend and a safe space to go if needed, who both helped me until I was strong enough to save myself.
I didn't get to say goodbye or thank them as neither were home as I was leaving, and I'm a continent away now (and frankly don't ever want to be back in that building) so I can't drop by for tea anymore, but I was thinking of writing them each a letter since I know their adresses and at least their first names.
But when I try to write I don't know what to say. Part of me feels bad for them having to live next to so much chaos for three years and I wonder if maybe they'd be glad to not hear from me again 😅 Part of me is also deeply touched that I had guardian angels during that scary time, I'd like to at least express my gratitude and let them know I'm safe. I'm just struggling with trying to put that in words, I suppose.
Can anyone suggest how I could start off? What would you like to hear from someone you had helped in this situation?
I apreciate your time if you've read this far 🌷
submitted by ResilientPierogi97 to writing [link] [comments]
To give a bit of background; I recently left a long-term relationship that turned emotionally/psychologically abusive in its last few years. My ex would ridicule and shout at me for any reason, sometimes for hours on end.
A couple of times the police came to our door after an anonymous person requested a wellness check on me, though I imagine after those couple times the police got tired of coming out if I was just going to cover for my ex. The following time he had been shouting for hours he answered the knock at the door atnd it was our upstairs neighbour barging in; 5'5 of furious Scottish woman demanding to see for herself that I was alright and berating him for being so loud and bullying his wife. She came back a few times more over those wretched years and, though my ex had me quickly assure her then shoo her away, I greatly apreciated her for doing it each time.
On the occasions I was able to get away from the shouting to go for a walk, our downstairs neighbour would come out and walk with me to ask if I was alright and invite me in for some tea. I regret not taking her up on her offer but her gentle support and knowing I had 2 people watching out for me helped me get the strength to tell my family what was happening and leave.
I've been back home for a few monthsn and things are alot better for me, though I keep thinking of my old neighbours. Two strong, older women who I came to learn were both DV survivors; one who put herself between me and an angry giant to make sure I was okay, another who gave me a friend and a safe space to go if needed, who both helped me until I was strong enough to save myself.
I didn't get to say goodbye or thank them as neither were home as I was leaving, and I'm a continent away now (and frankly don't ever want to be back in that building) so I can't drop by for tea anymore, but I was thinking of writing them each a letter since I know their adresses and at least their first names.
But when I try to write I don't know what to say. Part of me feels bad for them having to live next to so much chaos for three years and I wonder if maybe they'd be glad to not hear from me again 😅 Part of me is also deeply touched that I had guardian angels during that scary time, I'd like to at least express my gratitude and let them know I'm safe. I'm just struggling with trying to put that in words, I suppose.
Can anyone suggest how I could start off? What would you like to hear from someone you had helped in this situation?
I apreciate your time if you've read this far 🌷
2024.05.15 22:11 gargenbargen Why does the Torn wikipedia article list "rape and violence against women" as one of the features???
Just started playing about a week ago. Loving the game so far, all my friends are hooked on it. Was doing some random google searching and came across the Wikipedia article for the game. This is what it reads in part:
"Torn was first launched in 2004. The game involves a virtual world based around gang violence and business as well as rape and violence against females. The torn female populous has dwindled due to the gross nature of players."
WHAT? I know this game has been around since 2004 and I'm sure there were plenty of horrible pieces of shit playing the game back then that were making the game unhospitable for women, but HOLY SHIT having it be the first thing that comes up on the Wikipedia article is concerning. I have two questions for yall.
submitted by gargenbargen to Torn [link] [comments]
"Torn was first launched in 2004. The game involves a virtual world based around gang violence and business as well as rape and violence against females. The torn female populous has dwindled due to the gross nature of players."
WHAT? I know this game has been around since 2004 and I'm sure there were plenty of horrible pieces of shit playing the game back then that were making the game unhospitable for women, but HOLY SHIT having it be the first thing that comes up on the Wikipedia article is concerning. I have two questions for yall.
- I saddens me that i have to ask this, but there's no gamified S/A or anything like that in this game.... right?
- Was there at any point or is there still a large subsect of the community that are sexist/generally pieces of shit towards women? (or any of that stupid shit, racism, homophobia, etc.)
2024.05.15 22:11 abmuffin Anyone feeling upset about their sibling's life?
Hi bondhas, this will be a long post. I'm 34(m) moved to the US 13 years ago. I grew up in a lower middle class family with a sister. My parents were educated (graduates), but because they were kinda immature and made a couple of bad decisions in life, they remained poor. My mother stayed at home, but my dad kept trying his luck with different businesses and failing at whatever he tried, so we always had to look for money at every stage till I started earning. On top of this my mom was a heart patient, needed some surgeries in my childhood. So they sent my sister to my grand parents' place in Vijayawada where she grew up with my cousin. My parents realized the value of education, so they somehow sent me to a good CBSE school in Hyderabad. Most kids at my school came from families richer than mine. I was embarrassed about my family tbh, but I also had a lot of fire in me to study well and get out of my situation. I was always a rebel since childhood. Things worked out, and life is good for me right now. I'm not super rich or anything but I don't have to think about just eating out or splurging on an iPhone every year.
My sister on the other hand grew up as a silent, above average, traditional, conformist kid. She went to a typical state syllabus school like Bhashyam in Vijayawada (not that it's a bad thing, but just trying to paint a picture) and then studied engineering and found a job in Hyderabad. So twist entante, my dad passed away 6 years ago, and my whole larger family pressured my mom in to getting her married asap in a year. Because, we didn't have much property my sister didn't get any good matches. She had to compromise and marry a guy my family found. Back then I really thought it was a very bad idea but I let her make the decision, and being a conformist, she agreed to marry him. She liked him initially, had a kid, but recently they started having a lot of fights. He's a bully who treats women as second class citizens. He's verbally abusive and keeps calling her dumb, ignorant, dismisses her opinions, and basically treats her like his servant. For example, he expects her to do his laundry, pack his clothes when he's going on a trip, etc. When I visited them, I really felt bad for her. I asked her to really think if she wants to be in such a relationship where she's not respected as a human being. She had a major fight with him two weeks ago, and came back to stay at my mom's place with her kid.
Overall, I just feel really sad that she didn't take control of her life when she really needed to, and she let the family pressure her in to getting married in a rush. I'm also really upset that we still have educated men in our society who behave this way in 2024. I am mad at my mom for convincing to have the kid, when clearly their relationship was not strong enough and my sister said its too soon. This is a story of what happens when women are raised in a very traditional manner, they don't own their life, they just go with what others tell them, and one day when the dad dies, all hell breaks lose. If you are used to being a passenger, you can't wake up one day suddenly, and sit in the driver's seat and start driving the car. Everyday, I feel extremely guilty that my life is successful, and my sister's life is a mess, and I feel helpless.
submitted by abmuffin to Ni_Bondha [link] [comments]
My sister on the other hand grew up as a silent, above average, traditional, conformist kid. She went to a typical state syllabus school like Bhashyam in Vijayawada (not that it's a bad thing, but just trying to paint a picture) and then studied engineering and found a job in Hyderabad. So twist entante, my dad passed away 6 years ago, and my whole larger family pressured my mom in to getting her married asap in a year. Because, we didn't have much property my sister didn't get any good matches. She had to compromise and marry a guy my family found. Back then I really thought it was a very bad idea but I let her make the decision, and being a conformist, she agreed to marry him. She liked him initially, had a kid, but recently they started having a lot of fights. He's a bully who treats women as second class citizens. He's verbally abusive and keeps calling her dumb, ignorant, dismisses her opinions, and basically treats her like his servant. For example, he expects her to do his laundry, pack his clothes when he's going on a trip, etc. When I visited them, I really felt bad for her. I asked her to really think if she wants to be in such a relationship where she's not respected as a human being. She had a major fight with him two weeks ago, and came back to stay at my mom's place with her kid.
Overall, I just feel really sad that she didn't take control of her life when she really needed to, and she let the family pressure her in to getting married in a rush. I'm also really upset that we still have educated men in our society who behave this way in 2024. I am mad at my mom for convincing to have the kid, when clearly their relationship was not strong enough and my sister said its too soon. This is a story of what happens when women are raised in a very traditional manner, they don't own their life, they just go with what others tell them, and one day when the dad dies, all hell breaks lose. If you are used to being a passenger, you can't wake up one day suddenly, and sit in the driver's seat and start driving the car. Everyday, I feel extremely guilty that my life is successful, and my sister's life is a mess, and I feel helpless.