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Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Original Post: http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-storm-watching
“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.

Science Fiction Books By Betty Adams

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

Barnes & Nobel (Nook, Paperback, Audiobook)

Powell's Books (Paperback)

Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)

Google Play Books (ebook and Audiobook)

Check out my books at any of these sites and leave a review! "Flying Sparks" - a novel set in the "Dying Embers" universe is now avaliable on all sites!
Please go leave a review on Amazon! It really helps and keeps me writing becase tea and taxes don't pay themselves sadly!

https://preview.redd.it/292890cl190d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=80452218955753005afd72dfd6f5c56b3cf0c658

Humans are Weird – Storm Watching

Original Post: http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-storm-watching
“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.
https://i.redd.it/gdoknun0390d1.gif

Science Fiction Books By Betty Adams

Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)

Barnes & Nobel (Nook, Paperback, Audiobook)

Powell's Books (Paperback)

Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)

Google Play Books (ebook and Audiobook)

Check out my books at any of these sites and leave a review! "Flying Sparks" - a novel set in the "Dying Embers" universe is now avaliable on all sites!
Please go leave a review on Amazon! It really helps and keeps me writing becase tea and taxes don't pay themselves sadly!

I (22F) have this weird thing w a guy (22M). He and I used to hang out well over a year ago, he'd text me at 2am and I'd go over. We only ever had sex once, otherwise it was literally just talking and being goofy when we were both at least a little not sober. He moved back home multiple states away and we lost contact, but he moved back and we got in contact a few weeks ago. We both graduated yesterday and he'll be moving to a new city in like a week, one that's about an hour from where I'm going. He's been over at mine once and I went to his. I asked him why he'd always call me over and then not hook up with me or make any moves (bc that's admittedly a little weird), and he said he just likes hanging out with me, thinks I'm cool. It was actually pretty cute, but I think it's mostly based in the fact that I was available and when he's a little drunk, he wants to have someone in his company. We hooked up that next morning after I slept over. This last Saturday when I was out, I ran into him with his siblings. Well, his siblings are fucking fun and they told me to come with them, so I did. Once we got in the bar, I told him that his siblings said I should come with and that I can always head back out with my own friends if we wants me to. He ended up pulling me in and said he wants me to stay, gave me a little kiss on the forehead. His siblings told me that he was talking about me earlier, I mentioned that I'm always the one doing the chasing w him and he doesn't always reciprocate. They said he has mommy issues (I know this) and likes being chased. I thought he'd end up coming over that night after his siblings got home, but he didn't. Lots of texts saying "I want to see you" and then nothing happens. I texted him yesterday, short lived conversation and he leaves me on read. I texted him last night saying that I really wanted to see him again, but I feel like I'm being pushy and need to feel this reciprocated, and to lmk if he doesn't want to. He opened it today and left me on read. The thing is he's always so flirty when I'm with him, he was so flirty on Saturday night and his siblings are telling me about how I should go for him, how he talks about me. He kept pulling me in and being so sweet. But then daytime comes and he just leaves me. I'm realizing I really like this guy, which is a feeling I don't like because I was so content for the last year being single and not wanting a relationship at all. Now I'm sitting here with literal heartache. I feel dumb for texting him yesterday sounding like a confession. I feel dumb for always chasing him even tho I never do that. I feel dumb that I'm only just realizing I like him. I feel dumb for everything.

OKAY OKAY new day new story also atp I'd like to call this the not so lucky chronicles of nvm too big of an intro already soo here goes the story ehm ehm
12th was over and I was doing neet entrance preps (repeat) so basically wasting an year jus cause I couldn't face my ex [whole another story]
Apo angne irunn kure avumbo I meet this girl from kasargod and start talking away and she was like proper "bro" material like angottum ingottum ookal and it went ahead very smoothly.
Until AADUJEEVITHAM happened like I was watching the movie and was bored to death so I started texting her and somewhere around the interval she said "ente ponn vazhee...." istg my brain stopped braining for a second like maybe it's the way she said it or maybe it was me having hallucinations like najeeb did but everything changed after that
We started flirting and suddenly the cringe and corny lines felt like poems....angne kure naaal poi until one day I was like "she is too adipoli like what If some other idiot figures that out" and I asked her if I could ask her out....Apo she said "ask me neritt"
That wouldn't have been a problem if she was actually near but apolekum classes were over and she was back home and since her favourite movie was thattathin marayathu I collected all the vinod-ism in me and booked a train ticket to kasargod
And when I reached there I called her to let her know I'm there but she said she was out with her fam so I'd have to wait like 3 hrs before I go to her place soo I watched VARSHANGALKU SHESHAM and ohhh did I fall for "Madhoo pakaroo" and the line struck a string in my heart ayoooo😭
Angne full romance pidich I went to her place at like 10 pm (after the movie was over) and otw I had the dumb idea to ask a random naatukaran [evdeya etta ee ______ sthalam] and he was like "Nee eth naatina entha ivde" me being the idiot I was said "njn thrissurna friendine kaanan vanatha" [when she asked me not to talk to the people there]
Pinne onum parayanda njn avde RSS ayi when infact i didn't even know what it meant 😭
Random naatukaran : nee RSS aleda Me : ala etta njn CBSE ayrnu🥹 (In full confidence) [my name being of a Hindu deity and the place I was from in thrissur didn't help support my case]
Angne I was taken to the police station out of suspicion enitu since they didn't have proof and my only known associate was her...avlde uppa had to come to get me out and the problem was he was proper orthodox conservative dad and he didn't even know I existed....soo that didn't go well at all and my parents were called to take me back home.
Out of all the people that heard my story only one policeman was kind enough to understand the kind of idiot I was for coming all this way just to ask her to be my gf but he said "ninak vidichadh anel ninak kitum"
Long story short her dad shipped her to thodupuzha and since then no contact. Last I heard they were planning to get her married off soon after a year
And the way back home I was legit crying to this song not cause I put myself or my parents through this but cause "I COULDNT SEE HER" like she was my iravinte thozhi
And like I never got into a train or ever went to kasargod kannur or kozhikode after that thanks to the police also telling me "jeevanode kitiyath bagyam"
And then till now vere onilekum poi chaadila Like I keep waiting for call ipo varum naale varum kinda thing
Angne my friends seeing me be like this took me to idukki with em we had a blast and while coming back home we had board a train from aluva to thrissur (relatively short ride)
And since we were late we had to get into a sleeper and then walk our way to general but the doors to the general were closed (the ones connecting sleeper and general) so we had to stay back with some passengers
And this lady with a kid starts talking to me and she introduces me to her daughter who was also doing neet and they were going to kozhikode and this girl jus keeps talking to me like she knew me for decades and when we finally stopped (we ran out of casual questions to ask) I put on my headphones and madhoo pakaroo starts playing
She hears it and says it her favourite song (ik ik ithu matte padam ale moment njnum atha vijariche) so I give her a piece and we listen to it apolekum my stop arrives and she gets off too get to the general compartment with her fam and before going I look at her thinking [instagram ID choikano?] And for a moment it felt like she was waiting for me too pakshe I jus turned over and walked away
With a lot of sadness but while wearing a smile and I get out to the bus stand and start crying like without even thinking where I am and my friends come and hug me and I tell em "ipo njn okay ayada" [like they were convincing me to move on from the issue and her after the kasargod incident and be like "nee okay avada ithu vidd"]
Whoever she was acted as this closure I never got from the KSG girl and also ended my ptsd with the song the place and the train
I wouldn't ever understand why I never took a chance to ask her name but ig that's how things are sometimes...I was at the right place at the right time
I guess maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn't have maybe there's a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again - [I read this somewhere]
And maybe I'll grow to regret not asking her all this but for a moment she said everything she had to say with her eyes and like someone said "the eyes chico they never lie" and if she didn't mean anything by that look
Maybe the way my eyes interpreted it was the point of difference hence my eyes were the one speaking the truth of my heart
Lesham cringe anenu ariyam pakshe angerr paranjapole premam enum painkilli aan 😌🥹
[Shubam]

What is it with the Irish and digging? I asked my shovel knee deep in the garden Digging space for dog who couldn’t dig anymore. I couldn’t really handle a spade, just like my old man, we struggled away in turns and old clothes.
weak after forty minutes of cutting rock and clay. I stopped a few inches short of four foot and rested but had to resume the position; working to a deadline.
I kept digging. I wasn’t sure whether It was sweat or rain on my skin but I removed my jumper for the moisture. The roots in the hole’s side drew blood and tears scratching my bare arms as I delved in to scoop up more soil.
I kept digging. Half expecting to uncover bones, treasure or even turf but continuing I shook hands with the endless hard clay.
Dog went fifteen minutes later, in pain but relatively peaceful. It was the first time I saw death happen in my twenty four years.
Tiny Red breasted vultures now congregated around the hole looking for worms. We put dog in a throw and I put her in place
mother hugged brother as mourners do. Teary eyed father in a fitting role delivered a short, stoic sermon before I resumed the part of custodian and filled the hole.
I couldn’t stop for rest I couldn’t even think about my task. Longing to swap my compatriot spade for a squat pen or one more walk. I topped the mound off with her old kennel.
I’ve never been haunted before but hours later I can’t forget the smell of her final moments, I hope the memory of that smell leaves me alone.
What is it with the Irish and digging? I read the poem that evening, I could no longer see the romance in digging, repetitive, joyless a thankless task. I almost resented my pen. this turf to my clay these potatoes to my rocks. Heaney’s unsung heroes to my little role that morning, gravedigger.

In short, I am 24 years old and I feel the intense need to flirt very often with various boys/men that I meet. I had only one long-term relationship that ended a year ago, I suffered a lot and the breakup was the only time in my life when I didn't feel the need to get attached to someone.
Otherwise, it's horrible. I'm desperately looking for any validation from male friends, friends of friends, work colleagues, people I don't know (taxi drivers, baristas, etc.). Age is not even relevant. When I was younger, I was craving for validation from some male teachers, for example.
I feel very embarrassed because I can't help myself. I've been doing an internship for a while now and one of my managers happened to give me a heart reaction to a trivial private message - I instantly became flirty with him, even though I know it's unprofessional. I don't want to lose my job if I keep it like this.
I know that the simple solution is to control myself, but I am so obsessed with the need to receive certain "signals" from men, compliments, etc.

Hello together, I have an issue and I'm low key freaking out, please help me!
At work there is this guy who fancies me. He hasn't said so, but it's painfully obvious - he keeps complimenting me, has asked me if I'm seeing someone, keeps contacting me outside of work, wants to meet up and makes flirty jokes, etc - and even my colleagues have started asking me if there's something going on between us because he's being so forward. It's driving me insane.
Because, thing is: I'm so not into him. Not into him at all. In fact, I'm not into anyone. I have no interest in dating. Zero. Nada. Absolutely none at all. You could put Harry Styles, on his knees and willing, in front of me and that wouldn't change. (And Harry Styles would at least somewhat Match my type which the work guy absolutely does not.)
Now, I tried to show him that I'm not interested in the slightest. I never contact him, I only respond to his exact questions and I try to keep all of our interactions short and concise and work related. Whenever he flirts, I immediately back away and stop answering. I told him, multiple times, that I am not really all that social and I clearly said I don't date anyone because I. do. not. want. to. date. Fullstop.
But he keeps coming back! I don't know what to do anymore because I don't want to be weird oder straight up tell him to back the fuck off because
a) I still have to work with the guy.
b) Apart from his flirting and fancying me, he isn't half bad. He's a nice guy and generally kind to me. So he really doesn't deserve a rude let off either.
But god, he's not taking any hints. None at all. It's like talking to a wall.
My friends say that it's my own fault for telling him that I like gaming and for giving him the time of day and for being "flirty" apparently in the beginning - I wasn't but I've been told that I can naturally come across as flirty so I guess I can see what they mean - but I truly, genuinely didn't see this coming. Guys usually aren't into me, at least not as far as I noticed, so I really didn't expect him to take to me this strongly.
Anyway, I'm fresh out of ideas. I really don't know what to do. I already told him I don't want to date and he's still persistent so, short of lying and telling him I'm a lesbian - risky because he might tell our colleagues and I know not all of them would take kindly to that - or whatever else I'm really clueless on how to proceed.

I write a silly poem, I don’t express my gender.
Neither any preference, I only offer words quite tender.
I’d never try to hit on you, nor am I interested in your sex.
I had hoped to use this lonely group, to meet friends and simply express.
I had wished to quell my loneliness, I’d wish that you could too.
I found in my short time, maybe this is something I cannot do.
If my writing is slightly quirky, or has a little effeminate touch.
Then get message requests with Dick Pics, really what the actual fuck!
I wish the troubled lonely guys and the ladies in this forum!
Could find a safer trusted place, with respect and some decorum!
I guess this will be my last post, in Reddits Lonely town.
I wish you find happiness, as soon as you can, The Wandering Mendicant
Till then…

I have nobody in my life to fully discuss this with right now. I feel like there are so many different things going on each more confusing and painful than the last. I align more with the progressive side of Christianity, although I consider my faith non-political, so I am hoping that some people here might be able to provide insight.
Me (26F) and my husband (27M) met five years ago and married a year ago. We fell in love instantly, and had a wild honeymoon phase. I truly was marrying my best friend. We went through some rough patches, but ultimately, our relationship was good. We didn't argue in a mean way, we found each-other attractive and had similar interests, and worked well as a team. I think he will be an amazing father one day.
After our wedding, I was dealing with high levels of depression/anxiety, and physically dealing with chronic pain. I've been mentally ill my entire adulthood and just struggled with lots of things. After spending most of our honeymoon feeling anxious, in pain, and unhappy despite the external circumstances, I just felt defeated.
I had been on a spiritual journey for most of our relationship. I was interested in Buddhism and hinduism, went on meditation retreats/had a daily meditation practice, but none of it seemed to be helping me cope with life. I was also in therapy. My husband's family is evangelical, and I loved to hate on them. In fact, I actively encouraged my husband to critique and poke holes in their faith all the time. But for some reason, after we got back from our honeymoon, I hit a wall. I was meditating and seeking God but I was more tormented than ever. And so I asked his mother to come over and pray with me. Long story short, I had a mystical experience where I felt Jesus showed up for me. It lasted for weeks. My anxieties almost disappeared overnight, and my disposition was replaced with one of wonder and awe for the world. I stopped self-harming, having anxiety attacks, and experienced true self-love. I have never been so happy and sure of my value in my entire life. I began to hear the voice of God and have prophetic dreams, and eventually found a church that aligned with my values. I also found out that my evangelical in-laws weren't quite as conservative as I previously thought, and have found them to be a surprisingly safe place (mostly) for me to discuss my faith.
I go to an affirming Episcopal church with universalist values, but I am absolutely using the language of Jesus & the bible, and I want to grow in faith because it's the only thing that has made life feel worth living, and the only thing that has felt real.
Unfortunately, this has made my husband retreat into himself in many ways. He has called my experience, among other things, a cruel joke. He has expressed he hopes it's a passing phase. Whenever I struggle with Christians as a whole, he sees it as an opportunity to say 'see? I told you so'. Sometimes he has gotten angry at me when I carve out time to do my morning & night devotional prayers. It has ruined a few date nights when the conversation turns to God, and I share my opinions about that topic, and he reacts with anger and silence. I have begun seeing his attitudes towards life as kind of... irreverent? Or pathetic? I sense a lot of pride and arrogance in the way he talks about God, and when he does humor me and offer to pray together, it never feels sincere. His own lack of confidence in the situation is unattractive and reeks of insecurity. I find him uninteresting a lot of the times. He also does very little to carve out time for himself or take care of himself---he doesn't have any friend groups of his own, doesn't exercise or pursue spirituality. He went to meditate with me when I was a Buddhist, and he liked the practice, but it never really transformed him either.
At the same time, I have been getting closer with our mutual best friend, a guy (M23) who we have known for a few years. He is a person of faith, although doesn't go to a church and shares many of the critiques I have about the western Christian structure. But we have connected deeply over spirituality and I feel like I can share this part of my life with him that is so special. We have prayed together and he has talked me down off the ledge during so many of my faith crises. I find him very wise, extremely funny, and physically attractive. After months now of growing closer to him in my faith, and as a friend, I feel like I've fallen in love with him. I have no idea if he feels the same way. He's made a few passing comments about my physical appearance, but in context they were appropriate for a friend to say. We keep it very platonic and are not flirty at all (we mostly don't hang out alone, too). Additionally, we are at very different places in life. He's younger by a few years, has never been in a relationship, still works a part time job and lives with his parents. In contrast, me and my husband are homeowners thinking about when to start trying for kids. I try not to spend too much time alone with him, but he is super integrated into our lives and so I can't avoid him. Our families know each-other and are really close. And I don't want to avoid him... the thought of losing him as a friend is by far the most painful option. I really value his friendship and he brings so much happiness to both me and my husband's lives.
I am just not sure how any of this is going to work out.... I am trying to have patience and grace for my husband but I am terrible at it. I get upset with him often. I find my own actions hypocritical and unchristian, but I struggle to 'walk the walk' and love him through this season. I also feel like I am having to choose between growing closer to Jesus or growing closer to my husband. I have told him over and over again: I don't need him to convert to Christianity. And I mean it. If he became a devout Buddhist tomorrow and I saw it was really making him happy and he was lit up, I would be overjoyed. but I will eventually need him to embrace the fact that I am a Christian and let me talk about my faith openly and freely. I will eventually need to be encouraged to grow in my faith. And I will eventually need him to seek God in some way or another. Additionally, I want to raise our future children within the Christian faith, understanding that they may eventually choose a different path and that's okay. But I don't want to give them a house divided.
Is this situation with my husband salvageable? What can I do to diffuse my feelings for this male friend without cutting off the friendship? What can I do to improve the connection between me and my husband while still being honest about my own experiences and journey? And should we wait on having kids until this is 'sorted out'? Do I delay children longer when I already wish I was a mom?
TLDR
My husband was raised evangelical and hated it. I encouraged him to hate his parent's faith. Now, I've converted to a progressive version of christianity and it's driving our marriage apart. I am developing feelings for a male friend who shares my Christian beliefs. I want to find my way back to being joyous with my husband but it feels impossible.
thanks to everyone who reads & responds. Peace & blessings on you all

I need advice in a bad way...
Do I say something and risk our friendship, do I just stifle my feelings and try and move on, or so I just exit stage right and go no contact?
10 years ago, I (32m) started a new job at a big company. I was 22 at the time. When I started I was placed on a manager's team- he (38m) took a special interest right from the start. He was 28 at the time. About 6 months after starting, due to nature of my work, I was placed on a different team with a new manager. My first manager asked for my phone number to check in on me from time to time.
Shortly after, he would reach out to see how my day was going, see what I was up too, or just chat about life. We slowly but surely became close friends, going out to grab dinners and talking until early morning hours texting or on the phone.
I'm gay. He has said he "isn't really into all that". Which was totally fine- I continued on as friends.
Over the next 2 years, we were great friends. And I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was actually in love with him. We talked all day, texting or on the phone. We hung out several times a month, frequently saw each other at work, and went out to events together. He even went as far as to make me a custom piece of art for my new apartment I was moving into at the time.
Around 7 years ago, out of what seemed to me like nowhere, he started talking about this woman (29f) who was 19 at the time, he had an interest in. Context- he said he was seeing someone who lived in another state for the first year I knew him, then he said that they broke up. This new talk about finding a potential girlfriend was both exciting and slightly crushing. Shortly after, he started seeing her and our friendship drastically changed rapidly. I wouldn't hear from him for days, no calls and no response to texts. We'd make plans to connect but he'd call as I was pulling into the restaurant to say that his girlfriend needed him and he would have to reschedule. After 6 months of this, I finally told him that I was going to fade into the background of his life if this kept happening.
For the next 6 years, that's exactly what happened. He completely stopped reaching out, and would respond within a couple of weeks if I reached out to see how he was doing. It got to the point where I was only reaching out a couple times a year to just make sure he was alive. We would do the typical "how are you" and "how is life" but just pleasantries, never real connection.
Then, 8 months ago, he finally decided he wanted to get dinner and actually showed up. We had an amazing time catching up, talking, it was like no time had passed at all. After dinner that night, he text me when he got home to tell me he really needed that time and how much he missed me.
He is still with his girlfriend- they aren't married, no kids, and don't own anything together. She still lives with him.
Since that dinner, he has been back to the guy I knew 10 years ago... texting every day, calling, and we've been going out to events. Side detail, I've never been a basketball fan, but he has always been so we've gone to a couple games this year as well. He called yesterday to say "I think you've been the missing magic piece to make out team champions".
So, naturally, I'm feeling my feels again. He's been so playful, flirty, and affectionate.
I have more thoughts on why he is still with her, but they are likely blurred by my feelings for him so I'll refrain from sharing.
So what do I do?
Say something knowing I risk the friendship with him?
Stifle my feelings, try and move on, and just accept this is the type of person he is and is just flirty?
Or, go no contact and try and forget about him for good?
Help me please! 🤣

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Hi, I’ll read the book (or any other writing piece) you’re working on and give you my critiques on overall plot and its structure and development. I’ll also give you my notes on characters and their development. If you only have a few chapters written, I’ll read them and give you my notes on the things mentioned above.
Any genre is fine. Some of my favorite genres are sci-fi, adult fiction, the classics, YA, fantasy, “chick-lit”, and what I usually refer to as “slice of life fiction”. I like creepy books as well. I’m not the biggest fan of hardcore horror books, but I’ll still read them for you.
I love the art of storytelling. I watch a lot of movies, and I write about them occasionally. I also took a few courses in literary analysis in college, so I do have experience with criticism and analysis. I, of course, love to read. I’d say I’m not a total speed reader, but I can read relatively quickly. I also enjoy writing poetry and was doing that for a bit for money before chat gpt shut that down.
This goes without saying, but I will not share your work with anyone. It’s yours, and I’m not out here trying to take ideas. I’m only trying to help you shape it into the best version it can be and something that you’re completely satisfied with. I can also help you if you’re stuck and give you suggestions.
$5 for short stories, poems, 60 page books
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Hello!
Like most of you here, I really enjoy creative writing. While I was growing up I struggled a lot with emotional regulation and having intense feelings. To help myself cope I would write poems and short stories about the things I was experiencing. Setting them in different time zones, changing people's names, etc. Yet the story still remained true to how I was feeling. After going through some challenging life experiences and pushing through it all, I had been encouraged to write a book about myself. In no way do I think I'm of utmost importance to have a autobiography about myself. Recently however, I've been thinking of writing again but don't know what to write about. So I've come back to the suggestion of writing a book about my life so far. I've kept a journal for as long as I could remember and plan to use them as references.
As for the autobiography, I don't want it to be a standard one. I want it to have a creative spin to it. The same way that people put their feelings into their poems, I want to do the same about my life. Ideally, I'd keep the timeline the same, but I would want to be more indirect and maybe even write it through vignettes. I'm not too sure where to start and would love any suggestions. As much as I'd like it to be factual, I also want it to be up for interpretation and really just use it as a way to come to terms with all that I've experienced and reflect on how much I've grown.
I don't have any intentions on publishing, but this is something I'd like to have and share with those close to me. Any feedback is welcomed, thanks!

Hi, I’ll read the book (or any other writing piece) you’re working on and give you my critiques on overall plot and its structure and development. I’ll also give you my notes on characters and their development. If you only have a few chapters written, I’ll read them and give you my notes on the things mentioned above.
Any genre is fine. Some of my favorite genres are sci-fi, adult fiction, the classics, YA, fantasy, “chick-lit”, and what I usually refer to as “slice of life fiction”. I like creepy books as well. I’m not the biggest fan of hardcore horror books, but I’ll still read them for you.
I love the art of storytelling. I watch a lot of movies, and I write about them. I also took a few courses in literary analysis in college, so I do have experience with criticism and analysis. I, of course, love to read. I’d say I’m not a total speed reader, but I can read relatively quickly. I also enjoy writing poetry and was doing that for a bit for money before chat gpt shut that down.
This goes without saying, but I will not share your work with anyone. It’s yours, and I’m not out here trying to take ideas. I’m only trying to help you shape it into the best version it can be and something that you’re completely satisfied with. I can also help you if you’re stuck and give you suggestions.
$5 for short stories, poems, 60 page books
$10 for books longer than 60 pages
If you can only do PayPal friends and family then I can do that, but I prefer Venmo. Thank you.

I left a 2.5 year train wreck of a relationship back in January and have been slowly putting my life back together. Haven't really had anyone to talk to about the specifics of what happened so I wanna get this out here.
This started when I was 20 and dating my then girlfriend who I'll call E. E and I had a pretty great relationship. It was long distance at the time but we had just been living together for a month over the summer which was a lot of fun. We had arguments here and there but nothing major, and they were always more just snapping over stress than real arguing.
And then after a year of dating everything slowly went completely wrong.
I started my second year at university. I made it my goal to overcome my social anxiety this year because I hated feeling like it was holding me back from experiencing much of anything outside of my room. When I arrived I forced myself to awkwardly chat with my flatmates instead of hiding, and eventually I relaxed a little and arranged to grab drinks with them downstairs in our building later that evening.
Up until that evening I genuinely fully believed that me becoming more social would be good for my relationship. I thought, who wouldn't want their partner to become more fun, outgoing and charismatic? Who wouldn't want their partner to become confident and have a vibrant social life with lots of friends? I thought it would be so much fun having new stories to tell E about my time with people because I barely had much to talk about when I was a shut in and I felt like it was starting to make the conversation between us a little stale. I was excited to grow as a person and to see my GF be proud of me, since she always said she wanted me to go out and make more friends.
E was not happy at all. Over the course of the evening she went from neutral about the plans to tense, then to obviously annoyed, and eventually she snapped at me over text and started a full argument. I'd never had her snap at me like that and it was a totally unusual interaction between us. She said she didn't like that I was hanging out with people that she didn't know and that she didn't want me being with them in the evening or drinking with them. I was already a little drunk at this point and did a sloppy job of diffusing the situation, but I made up some excuses, left the social situation and spent the rest of the night calming E down.
I didn't realise it at the time, but that first argument was going to be our new normal. As I tried to meet new people and introduce myself to friends of friends E kept snapping at me. I was lost, because if I backed off from everyone and talked to her properly she'd calm down and eventually be on board with me meeting new people, but as soon as any actual social time was approaching she'd be so obviously uncomfortable. Freshers week started fully for my university and everyone was going out clubbing. I was joining my friends on these nights out and doing my best to keep E constantly updated with texts and pictures of me with my friends.
It was on one of these nights out that it finally became clear why E was so upset. They seemed to fully believe that I was going to meet another girl and cheat on her. I was a little shocked when she first expressed this to me. She'd been cheated on in past relationships and had told me that she worried about me doing it in the past, but we'd been together almost a year without any violations of trust on my end and it hadn't come up for some time, so I really hadn't thought about it.
If she hadn't been so upset I would have laughed it all off. I've always been awful with women and was a terminally online self-identified incel for most of my teenage years. I socialised exclusively through a small group of male friends that were very supportive of me, and while I had female friends here and there I was absolutely not skilled with women. I have what is possibly the least sexy personality a person can have, a fun personality but one that would kill any romantic or sexual tension a person might feel for me instantly. I can't stress enough that anyone that knows me really should know that me hooking up with someone at a club or any social event would be massively out of character and weird for me, and E definitely should have realised this. It didn't seem to matter because every argument was a rush of raw panic, insecurity and jealousy on their end, which I could always diffuse but only after being a verbal punching bag for the night.
The entire year went by with no real improvement, and I was pissed. E was ruining social events constantly for me and nothing seemed to make her happy. I'd never let a social event take full priority over E and it felt like she abused that fact. I'd spend most nights out with people on my phone the entire time calming E down and usually left early to go call E. I didn't mind, because as far as I was concerned she was more important than any given night out, but as this became a regular pattern I realised it was killing the social life I had tried to build. Friends started noticing that I was visibly on edge constantly and asking what was wrong, and I explained that I was having trouble communicating with E and explained some of her insecurities. My friends were sympathetic and made an effort to be extra cautious with girls around me, going out of their way to never let me get left alone with a girl even briefly and making it clear that I was taken every time they introduced me to someone.
E had slowly grown to hate every specific person I was friends with in my university city, seeing all of them as bad influences that did nothing but take my time away from her. She hated my lifestyle, telling me that I got drunk too much and was constantly hanging out with people that couldn't be trusted. I was on board with cutting back on drinking, since like most students getting into partying for the first time I could definitely drink a little too much and end up feeling gross. Beyond this, however, it felt like E was using genuine concern as a facade to shut down my social life. She would make up hyper specific problems with every person I told her about, especially girls, to the point where I could no longer actually trust any of her judgements on people as she expressed them to me.
The next summer passed. We didn't manage to arrange to see each other in person that year because of money and that probably did put a strain on E. I worked in retail over the summer and was constantly being shouted at by E for interacting with female coworkers and customers or helping her through breakdowns because she would convince herself that I was going to leave her for someone else I met at work. It hurt because the entire reason I got the job was to get money to visit E, but I pushed through the summer and got to the next year.
This year I barely even try. I go to a few social events but after encountering arguments with E again I just give up and cut back on them massively. This is somehow still not enough to entirely stop arguments over the matter since even very small amounts of social time seem like too much for E. She clearly didn't want me around anyone ever and any amount of time I spent with friends was always going to be seen as a big compromise on her end. It became clear to me that, in her eyes, the default should be me spending 100% of my free time with her and any time taken away from her needed to be justified. She saw me going out with friends just for fun as taking time away from her for no good reason, and she was fundamentally never going to be okay with that.
Throughout the term E becomes much more involved with online social groups and starts spending a lot of time with them. This should have been a good thing for us but I hated it. E was a massive hypocrite when she was with people, completely ignoring me and seemingly forgetting about my existence until whatever she was doing was over. She was always at home and I knew that if I could find time to text here and there while out with people then she could find time to acknowledge my existence while playing Minecraft with someone. She was still not happy with me going out with people and the double standard started to make me resent her a lot.
At some point I just got sick of it and started pushing E away entirely. Between the horrific arguments, isolation from my friends and poor mental health for other reasons I was really struggling and I stopped going to classes pretty early in the term. I would lie to E and tell her that I was still going but I would just sit in bed most of the time because there was nothing I felt like doing. I ended up finding online groups of my own to escape mentally from my situation, and that's where the cheating comes in.
At some point the growing numbness and resentment I felt towards E made me lose all respect for the relationship entirely. Our relationship felt dead and I was only in it because I didn't know how to handle a breakup with someone as emotionally volatile as E, and I was very much addicted to the feeling of winning her affection back after an argument. I had become so pathetic constantly begging for me own girlfriend to actually like me. Any kind of fliritng or sexual talk between us had vanished and at that point I wasn't even convinced that E was being faithful to me, but I didn't need that to justify how I felt. I decided that I was just going to go flirt with other people, half out of spite and half because I was starving for someone to be remotely interested in me as a person.
Nothing actually happened for a few weeks beyond me deciding that I wasn't gonna make an effort to shut people flirting with me down anymore. I barely had a social life anyway. Nothing happened until I ran into another girl in an online group who I'll call M. In spite of how I felt I was still very much not a flirty person, and when I started talking to M it seemed like just a friendly interaction that I wasn't expecting anything from. She played a game that I used to play with my friends and E a lot and we talked about playing together some time. The conversation was chill but pretty thin, and we seemed to just be casual friends.
At some point M and I were talking about music, and shortly after that she sent me a playlist she had made saying I should give it a listen some time. I did and she was clearly very happy about it and getting excited when I liked certain songs she liked. I don't really know at what point after that she started to go from friendly to flirty, but after that interaction we'd been talking a lot more and she eventually started to drop some pretty blunt hints that she was interested. She'd gently push the topic of conversation towards relationships, intimacy, sex and such, making a lot of jokes about how we should cuddle and reminding me that she was single. To be clear I hid my relationship from E with her entirely so she did not do anything wrong here. As I'd decided, I didn't stop the flirting and let played along with her, returning a lot of her flirty jokes. This got more and more blunt until we were directly talking about sex a lot, and she was making an effort to make any pictures she of herself she sent to me more and more revealing until we both took the bait and started outright sexting.
Honestly, it felt great talking to M. I didn't feel guilty at all and would have almost wanted E to find out if I thought it would actually end the relationship rather than causing them to become infinitely more unstable towards me. Sadly after spending more time texting and calling over the course of a few weeks M was clearly starting to get a little attached and wanted to come visit me, which was way too easy to do for me to find any real excuse not to. I knew I didn't want to deal with that so I quickly blocked her on everything before that could escalate. I flirted with a few more people here and there but it never got particularly explicit again, and I never engaged with anyone in person in that way at all.
Towards the Christmas break I was feeling broken. The cheating just showed me how much I craved affection from other people, and I realised that I was never going to have it. I'm not attractive or charismatic enough to easily find find other relationships or hookups, and I felt like E was the biggest bit of luck I would ever get. That was ruined and I felt lonely, unwanted and disgusted by how pathetic and desperate my actions had become. I just powered through the Christmas break with E and acted normal while I prepared how I was going to break up with her. I wanted to do it after my exams because I didn't want any potential fallout to impact my grades more than this relationship already had, but E ended up forcing things.
The night before I was due to return to university E blew up at me, this time because she found it suspicious that I hadn't been talking about a particular new female flatmate much (I just didn't get along with this person that well) and didn't trust her. I explained that it was nothing, and the response I got was something to the effect of "when you inevitably cheat on me with her just know I won't even be surprised." I just said "cool okay then" and we sat in silence for a few minutes before she said she was going to sleep and immediately hung up. I knew she wasn't but I didn't care.
I caught the train back to university and my first exam was the next day. I told E over text that I needed to focus on the exams and didn't want back and forth arguing while I was preparing to sit them. She sent me a lengthy response saying that she loved me and wanted the relationship to work, but that I'd triggered a huge breakdown by not attempting to calm her down when we last argued and that we needed to have a talk about handling out communication in future, and that she could not speak to me at all until we had talked about what happened. I agreed to have a serious talk as soon as I could.
After a couple of days, however, E sent another long message saying she couldn't cope with the no contact and that she needed the talk to happen now. I ignored the message for a day and she deleted it. I was emotionally finished and realised I didn't actually care about giving E a real breakup conversation anymore. Early the next moring I sent her a long message explaining that our relationship was over and blocked her on everything before she woke up.
That was 4 months ago and I haven't heard from E or seen anything related to her since. The long distance and resultant separation of our lives means there'd be no natural contact even in online spaces, so I do not have a single bit of information about what happened on her end after the breakup. I'm doing a lot better personally now which everyone in my life points out constantly. I'm rebuilding my social life and fixing my education, even though that's now a little uncertain because of how bad the beginning of the year went. I feel great outside of just being very frustrated over the situation and how I handled it. I do genuinely hope E is doing okay too, and suspect that her mental health has probably drastically improved since we broke up as I know her insecurity and paranoia in the relationship was unhealthy.
I don't think I will ever consider dating again, at least not without a lot of therapy first. I left a lot of detail out in this post but the relationship became dangerously unhealthy for me. I'm shocked and disgusted by how pathetic and easily manipulated I was throughout the entire 2.5 years, and angry that I wasted such a big part of my life (I'm 22 now) on something that I should have known much earlier was going nowhere. Life is good now, but relationships seem to bring out the absolute worst in me and I'd rather those parts of me stay buried forever.
If I learned anything from this situation it's that lifestyle compatibility is hugely important in a relationship. I was naive to think that I could live however I wanted when I was involved so deeply with another person. I also realise now that you can't have a relationship where one person is always the villain in arguments. It leaves you with a very toxic one-sided dynamic where you become your partner's verbal punching bag and emotional safety blanket at the same time.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This was very long and I'm not expecting much response, but it feels amazing to have it typed out.

So, here it goes… me (37M) and my husband (34M) have been together for ten years, married for six and in an open relationship for 2-4 it's murky.
Early on in the non-monogamy journey we established that we would tell each other everything (I think you know where this is going) and we did, we would share our conversations, show each other pictures of the guys we were talking to, share location when we hooked up and have a “debrief” after the fact, for information but also for sexy purpuses.
One day, I noticed a text that he got from an unknown guy and I casually asked if there was someone he was talking to. He didn’t own up to it, so when he went out I checked his conversation. I’m not proud of it, obviously. The text very vaguely alluded to a meeting that happened. I confronted my husband and we got into a huge fight, mostly about my breach of trust, I thought we were done for. But he assured me nothing happened with the guy and I apologized for looking at his phone. I hate fighting and confrontation, so gradually things went back to normal. I do have to point out that I came out of this fight as the “offensor”, as I was in the wrong for going through his conversation.
Three years later (I know) we’re in a very solid place regarding our open relationship. We’re meeting guys and telling each other about it. A big part of the reason we kept it open is because the sex between us just wasn’t there anymore. Same old story, I tried, he didn’t feel like it and eventually I stopped trying. I don’t blame him really, this happens to some relationships after years.
In those three years I never looked at his phone again. But the last couple of months I could tell there was some suspicious behavior, like clicking away really fast when I went into the room and always swiping away his WhatsApp if I got too close to his phone. So once again curiosity got the best of me, and one horrible night I went through his conversations.
I wasn’t prepared for what I found, there were so many conversations with guys I never even heard about. He had sex with guys he told me he only had drinks with, he hooked up more than once with other guys without telling me, he used Grindr to meet guys when we weren’t supposed to use that specific app, he had sexual encounters with guys before we opened up and he had flirty texts with guys going back for years. The part that hurts the most was seeing him talk to others in a way that I thought we only talked to each other. He also lied about his sexual history before we met, which I don't care about, but obviously there's a pattern of dishonesty.
This couldn’t have come at a worst time in my life, I was feeling insecure about my looks, my career took a turn for the worse and I was dealing with some issues with my parents. I confronted him and we cried and shouted for three days. He just apologizes and explains his actions as something being broken inside of him. I won’t go into details about his life, but he suffers a lot in his mental health, there’s been a couple of occasions where I’ve feared he might harm himself, there’s a history of that in his family.
This makes it very hard for me to hold him accountable, because everytime I want to talk about this issue, it just breaks him and I’m afraid that I’ll lose him. And that’s the biggest problem for me, because the truth is that I need him in my life. I moved across the world into an unknown city for him, I have no savings and my family is very far away. But none of that matters, really, I know that I could survive if we break up. The thing is that, when I imagine my life without him, I can’t stand it. I love him so much, he’s my everything and the bottom line is that I want to stay with him, I want to stay in the marriage.
Now we’re back to a sort of normality again, and that makes me a little uneasy. I’m still mad, I’m angry, not because of the sex, but the lying. I can understand the sex part, but it’s the hypocrisy for me. I felt that during the three years we were open, I was always on a short leash, he always suspected that I was keeping things from him. When I suggested we use Grindr, he made me feel bad, as if I was desperate for wanting to use that app. And that I was unreasonable for wanting to have more sex. He sustained that he just didn’t need or wanted sex that much, that it wasn’t that important for him.
I just don’t want to be angry anymore, but I feel like shit. I like our lives and I want it all to be normal. We promised each other to be open and honest about everything going forward, I don’t want to police him or his phone, I don’t want to be wondering what he's doing after work. I don’t have the energy. Also he can fuck around I don’t care, I’m going to keep doing it, I don’t think forced monogamy could work for us, at least not right now. But I feel like there was this whole side of him I didn’t know. I understand his mistakes, I’m just afraid he doesn’t love me enough to tell me about them. He’s scared and ashamed, but he needs to confront this thing.
This is just a vent, I’m not looking for any advice really. Reddit doesn’t fix problems like this (unless you’re a licensed therapist willing to work for free), I also know most people here will tell me to go to couples counseling but that’s just unaffordable for us now. I just want to feel seen, respected, understood and sexy… which I guess is what we all want. Sorry if I end up deleting this post after a while, I probably will, don’t take it personally. Anyway bros, hope you’re having a better time than I am.

Hello class 12 humanities students! I just received my class 12 results, and am sharing my study pattern, tips and tricks, and guide to score 90+ in your domains. (Eng/Pol/socio/Econ/Legal) Jitna jaldi shuru karoge, it’s better. Believe me!
For context, my aggregate scores were 95% I have a full in polsci as well!
I’ll go subject wise. Lmk if y’all need any other help!
Anyone who wants extra question papers, or material, can dm me :)
SOME COMMON POINTS
-> Questions get repeated more often than u notice in humanities. The answers expected from u oscillate around a select few topics. They alter the wording and present the questions.
-> NEVER FOLLOW GUIDEBOOKS BLINDLY. They have multiple discrepancies, and can misguide you
-> KV notes (especially the ones by Ranchi and Chandigarh), Edudel, and jawahar navodya vidyalaya notes are top notch. Do refer to them.
-> NCERT is your holy grail, even for economics. Read it very very well.
-> 5-6 markers ke lie always make mind maps after your answersin your core subjects.
-> Never write para style for theory subjects. Make crisp and clear points acc to the marks of the question.
-> Language mein para answers always.
-> questions at the end of the chapters are v important. Never miss them.
-> you should practice papers in real test like conditions to ensure getting used to the pattern and the environment.
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::English::
Never, I repeat, never take English lightly. My marks were cut in English purely because I made the mistake of taking lit. section, especially Vistas lightly.
The best way to study English Lit. is to make short notes of each chapter, and they should have: - Keywords, poetic devices

 - Theme - Character Sketches - A self prepared outline of the story/poem. This should have some important lines from the text that u quote, and some quotes from outside that are related to the main idea of the story/poem. U can also prepare model answers. 

-> REVISE THESE NOTES ON A REGULAR BASIS.
-> Remake and re-remake them on rough sheets before exams. This helps retain more.
Clarify the updated writing section formats with your teachers before your mid-terms. Try making model answers for each chapter. For reading comp., I believe understanding the format of the current year is what u need.
TOP RESOURCES:

1. KV notes (Ranchi is the best), edudel https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xpuBvLfZvoKTvfHN0JR4sjcTgk1FsQ6Y/view

https://edustud.nic.in/edu/SupportMaterial202324/12/12_english_eng_sm_2024.pdf

1. Shipra Mishra’s YouTube videos

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::Political Science::
This subject is very interesting! 12th pol is fun and easy.
****start with world pol

 -> For end of bipolarity, read Cold War era first. It creates a good base, plus helps u a lot if you’re prepping for cuet! -> mind maps!!!! Always make mind maps. It helps a lot. -> globalisation, environment, security ko lightly mat lena. Very scoring but can also drop your marks if you don’t prep them well. 

**** indian pol

 -> chronological order mein jaana here is better. Maybe club chapter 2 and 5. -> indian pol is much easier. Make detailed notes for indian pol. 

NEVER TRUST POL GUIDE BOOKS!
*maps and cartoons are important. Maps of Indian pol and cartoons of both. Mere paas pdfs hai of all the cartoons and maps if y’all need em*
BEST RESOURCES:

1. KV notes, edudel notes https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EvoVIwVKVNZUIllRAT0XhTGpihHMCX08/view

https://edustud.nic.in/edu/SupportMaterial202324/12/12_polscience_eng_sm_2024.pdf
2.Human at Ease. Poorva ma’am’s classes are the best for sure!!

1. Notes banao, ya phir make questions out of each topic and create answers and use as notes, or do both.
2. PYQS (last 13 years)

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::Economics::
Economics mein IED is very simple, but macro (esp numericals) can baffle you.

1. IED
   

   -> Trust NCERT blindly for this, but sandeep Garg notes are good for memorising points wise. -> Make short notes. 

2. Macro
   

   -> Sandeep Garg se numericals karna is much simpler. Formulas are crisp, and they have plenty of additional questions at the back. -> I’d say it’s better to do theory from NCERT. -> theory ke short notes banao, point wise. -> for numericals, practice them regularly, especially if you suck at mathematical things. 

BEST RESOURCES:

1. Rajat Arora
2. Sunil Panda
3. KV notes, edudel https://edustud.nic.in/edu/SupportMaterial202324/12/12_economics_eng_sm_2024.pdf

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ZQTmaXYN8otZeUa07MMb-cyVwlVEqhFc/view?usp=sharing

1. PYQS (last 15 years)

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::Sociology::
Very interesting, but can get confusing if your 11th concepts aren’t clear.
Again, don’t use help books, I beg of you guys. Apne notes banao, and do PYQS.
Notes banao detailed Format questions and answers NCERT is your holy grail, I repeat, your holy grail.
BEST RESOURCES:

1. Human-at-Ease Edudel notes https://edustud.nic.in/edu/SupportMaterial202324/12/12_sociology_eng_sm_2024.pdf Throughly do ncert PYQS ( last 13 years )

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::Legal Studies::
Possibly the most unpredictable subject of humanities, that is open to a plethora of interpretations. You need a lot of time to understand the pattern, as well as the textbook. It is very text heavy, with a lot of terms and articles and sections.
I can’t emphasise enough on the importance of being thorough with NCERT.
Make detailed notes, and reread them on regular intervals. Arihant is a good reference book (possibly the only one out there), but that too has errors. There is legit no good yt channel for legal.
TOP RESOURCES:
PYQs: read the answer keys very very well. It helps a lot, trust me. ( last 8 years) Arihant: but always cross check the answers from pyqs and the book. Notes are good.
**** I can share notes if y’all want as well. ****
A chapter-wise guide of sorts (cuz legal ka material nahi hai zyada)
Judiciary: A long and exhausting chapter. For preserving your own sanity, divide it into three parts: -> Page 3-14

 -> Page 15-21 (right before judicial review) -> Page 22- 26 (I advise reading supplementary material as well. It helps understand the cases better + is good for case based questions) 

*do them separately, otw pagal ho jaoge)*
ADR: seems long, but is a rather simple and straight forward chapter. -> make a comparative table of Arbitration, mediation and conciliation, along with mind maps of each topic.
4 business laws: very simple and scoring. 20 marks guaranteed if you do them well. -> understand the cases given very well. They are always used for the case based questions. Any topics that mention steps of any sort, or a doctrine

 are vv important. -> mind maps ; differentiation tables are vv important here. 

Law and sdg: simple hai boht. ->Just read the book and make basic notes.
Legal Entities: again, v simple. -> make a table for diff b/w ops and sole proprietorship ; public and pvt company ; partnership and lap.
Criminal Law -> objectives of cl is v imp.

 -> ipc, cps and iea ache se clearly samjho. There should be no confusion, nahi to phase jaoge. -> confession v/s admission is imp. -> cases ache se samjho pls 

Human Rights: v difficult to remember. If you can rote learn, then nothing like it. Many case questions from here as well. ->best bet: sticky notes pe pointers banao and stick them above your table. Roz thoda padho.

 -> some things I found v imp: article 14 (equality principle) ; article 19 (reasonable restrictions) ; Article 20 (section 377 chronology) ; Article 21A - DPSP to fundamental right ; arrest v/s detention ; DPSP ( 5 features, 5 dpsps) ; Fundamental duties (5) 

Quasi judicial bodies: v simple -> functions and features pata hona chahiye
Intl Law Divide into 2 parts and do separately:

 -> Page 163- 172 (right above intl human rights) -> page 172 ( intl human rights) to 178 

Legal Professions Again, divide into 2 parts:

 -> page 183-189 ( legal ed in india) -> pages 189 ( usa) to 193. (This is a lot to retain thus I recommend doing this alag se) 

Legal Services: Simple hai sabse zyada!

 ->make good notes 

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