Hello good people! I really could use some outside advice here, this has been bugging me for the past 2 weeks, and I just for the life of me, cannot come to a conclusion on my own. So me and my girlfriend met in school, our parents knew each other since we were kids, and we were best friends for 13 years(around 10 maybe, for the first 3 we would just get mad at each other for not giving extra cake when either of us brought it), before I proposed to her during high school. I have never felt this amount of love and respect for any other girl, even when we were just "friends". I would take a bullet for her anyday and smile through the pain.
Now here's where the problem is. Both of us wanted to work through a long distance reltionship since I'm moving to another country for my studies and she is moving across it. One day, after our first fight since we were together, she said she didn't want to commit to me anymore and that she doesn't know what will happen in college, and could potentially fall for someone else. I took it as her way of saying the relationship was over since she was even considering other options, and while I was incredibly hurt, I sat her down and told her if we couldn't commit, then we can't be together.
After five days, I reached out to her just in case I got the wrong idea of what she meant. She told me she never said that she would pursue relationships with people, it's just that she didn't want to be completely closed off to the idea of it, and would like to take things as it happened in college, naturally. Where initially I thought she was considering other options, now it's more of her not knowing what will happen there and being unable to commit. That was fine by me, as the distance and time between us would be huge and no way could either of us(well I could), but her, be sure that she wouldn't fall for anyone else. I understood that, especially considering she had a tough life at school and at home, she wanted to experience freedom for the first time. So that wasn't a huge deal breaker.
Here's where it gets real bad, I told her I felt as if you would actively go out and date people instead of you just not knowing whether you would, two very different things. I told her I would be close to her, and that we had a huge misunderstanding. I asked her why didn't she just say this simply? I said close, but I never directly told her I was going to date her again. And my last text was that I felt as if my trust was betrayed. And we started dating again for a month, without me pressurizing her to commit. But, just 10 minutes after this she sent some explicit pics to another boy as she felt so sad in that moment, and just wanted someone to write something nice. Wanted to feel pretty. This I got to know a month later, when she was pushing me away after another fight(our second ever). We worked through the fight and held each other afterwards, but this thing stuck. She claimed she didn't know I would ever date her again, and since she wasn't commited in that moment, it wasn't cheating. The moment we started again, she blocked that boy(just a random guy who dmed her sometime ago, not a friend) and never sent another pic. But that was because she didn't feel the need to, given the love I used to pour on her. It's just that even if we weren't dating at that instant, I clarified we had a huge misunderstanding, and that I didn't understand what she meant and I was deeply sorry for taking it the wrong way, and why didn't she just put it like that. didn't that make it evident I would be with her? The text about feeling betrayed might be the one that confused her, but I still feel it was easy to make out I said that in a misunderstanding, and that I would come back
Is this considered cheating? I didn't tell her she cheated, just that I needed some time to think everything through. I absolutely adore this girl, and would even be willing to give it another try. But I just can't conclude whether this is cheating or I am just being too harsh? I care about her a lot, and overtime I understood relationships this long term are hard work over butterflies in stomach feeling, but she is worth that work. I just want to know if this is considered cheating or not, so I know how to move from this. Thank you for reading till here, I would appreciate any and all responses!

Social Media and smartphones are warping how we see the real world and our reality is losing nuance rapidly.
Take the man or bear debate as a recent example. The whole premise is unhelpful and based on a glaring falsehood. It's like a 13-year-old's first essay on a topic they know next to nothing about. I'm pretty sure actual survivors of sexual abuse don't give a single damn about this "dilemma". They have real issues to deal with that those of us who are engaging in this discourse have the privilege of not having to deal with. All this fad is doing is spread the paranoid notion that there are male predators waiting around every other corner. How is that helping survivors of abuse with real trauma and fears that they carry with them in public places on a daily basis? It is absolutely not a show of solidarity to those who have actually suffered, yet people do genuinely believe they are "raising awareness", or "taking a stand".
I mean it's a far-less improbable yet ironic scenario to imagine someone walking the dim city streets at night alone with their necks bent square over their smartphones, going round corners oblivious to their surroundings while texting "I'll take the bear lol". Those same people will say they're afraid to walk alone at night and they yeard for the bear. I made that scenario up, but I've literally seen people bumping into walls and into other people in a smart phone-induced trance and just continuing like nothing happened and I've also seen people gleefully (not ruefully) opt for "the bear". What I mean is a lot of people are claiming to be terrified when they're not.
Like with the Tik-tok trend that's been dangerously telling people they have "high-functioning anxiety" without professional diagnoses, where if everyone is mentally ill then no one is mentally ill¹, it also stands to reason that if everyone is afraid, then no one is afraid. It's a dangerous way of "showing solidarity" to let pervade through society. I'm no Jordan Peterson fan, but this is a good example of the dangers of fake solidarity*. It's not just fake; it's damaging.
The whole bear vs man thing just seems to polarise people into two camps who perceive the other either as man-haters or rape-apologists. But you know what? it's not even close to being real and does absolutely nothing to bring people of differing views any closer to understanding each other. I also 100% guarantee you that those who "choose the bear" don't actually practise what they preach in their lives to even the slightest degree. One example I witnessed was at a recent social occasion where a female high school teacher whom I know quite well told her boyfriend and father to ask her if she was alone in the woods, what she would prefer... Before she even said the words "bear", or "man", I knew where where we were heading and intuitively knew what her answer was going to be.
It wasn't a debate from the very beginning. It was more like a joke - a weird joke about sexual assault told in the first person. Before she'd even got to her supposedly mind-blowing punchline (which was, in case you're a bit late to this party, "I'd choose the bear because the bear won't rape me!"), everyone seemed to know what it was going to be. Given the expectant grin on her face when she said these impactful words, It didn't turn out to be the “gotcha” she thought it was going to be. This was quite an awkward experience. I can only guess that the "gotcha" aimed at the men in the room was supposed to educate them to be ashamed to be male on the spot. It didn’t. I explained why I thought the whole thing was flawed and I was informed I needed to lighten up. I was definitely mistaken in thinking that it was a chance to talk philosophy (is it ever these days?), but perpetuating the idea that "male rapists are everywhere" while simultaneously trivialising real suffering of abuse goes completely unchecked because when we engage in this form of discourse we reduce ourselves to vacuous, infantile creatures who ironically think they're acting like fully-developed adults. Rape is light-hearted; yet - and this is where the cognitive disonance gets really odd - you're either standing up for it or you're standing up against it, but no matter what side you're on, it's funny. Instead of thinking, "why is she grinning?!", we're thinking, "what side am I on and how can I also somehow make it funny?". When in reality, it's surface-level shock-value statements with zero nuance that we allow to insincerely represent us (the wide-grinning rape denouncer doesn't practise what she preaches: she isn't a raging man-hater; she's a decent person, but for some reason, she's adopted an inane comic-strip view on something as serious as rape - and incredibly, it's all in the defence of victims!).
And this way of engaging in discourse is everywhere. On Reddit, Facebook, Twitter etc., the finger-pointing and artificial coralling of all of us into fake dualities of misogynist vs virgin-for-life simp, misandrist vs patriachy-enabler, racist vs communist and many others are rife and it's finding its way into real-life discourse at the dinner table, the classroom and the office.
If we artificially and insincerely self-separate into these 1s and 0s, are we making it easier for the A.I. on our devices to "understand" us, classify us, manipulate us and ultimately annihilate us?
OK, maybe I went too far there, but is this jarring lack of nuance really the only way we want to "talk about" serious topics now? Is it only going to get worse? I feel like it wasn't long ago you could have real discussions about issues, but this art is dying - and rapidly. You can probably sense my frustration at how society is organising itself right now and I'd love to know if anyone has any suggestions on what we can do to encourage healthy conversations and debate with each other. Maybe I'm the problem. I used to be surrounded by people who took part in stimulating, nuanced debate and now I'm not. We used to tolerate different viewpoints and we didn't confront and "block" each other on a hair-trigger. Maybe I'm old and the kids are actually all right. Let me know.
¹ ~https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5MCw8446gs&ab_channel=TheNewYorkTimes~
*I couldn't find a good quote for this, but similarly, he terms it "narcissistic compassion"

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds

OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.

OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom

OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.

Relevant Comments
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.

OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.

OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed

OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.

OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation

OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.

OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death

OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.

 
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money

OOP: Hi there,
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.

OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers

OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.

OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him

OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am still not the Original Poster. That is still u/MajorArtist340. She posted in AITAH
Previous BORUs can be found here and here. New Update marked with ****\*
Mood Spoiler: still kind of a bummer but things are moving forward
Original Post: December 21, 2023
For a while now my husband, John, has been getting more and more angry over little things and generally moody and distant. I had finally had enough and approached him about separation.
This conversation led to a big blow out and him revealing the state of his finances. My husband and I have always kept our finances separate. Also although we call each other husband and wife and had a wedding we are not actually legally married. This was primarily for inheritance purposes because we each have older children from previous relationships.
Anyway John revealed that he had basically no savings left. That all the money he had saved for retirement and for his kids schooling was gone. Furthermore he said it was all my fault since he used all his savings up to try and keep up with my lifestyle.
There was never anything crazy in terms of bills or anything like that and we always split it all equally. The house we live in I own outright as well, so there wasn’t a mortgage payment.
However I have always liked to travel a lot on fairly extravagant vacations. I would invite John or John and his children to join on trips, but never made them feel like they had to come. That’s said he was expected to pay for himself and for his kids. Except for recently he accepted every invitation.
I would also give my kids things he considered “extravagant”, but I considered “normal”. So he felt like he had to give similar things to his own kids.
John said with all the spending to keep up his savings dwindled very fast. I expressed that I couldn’t understand how or why he would spend all he had when he knew he couldn’t afford it. He said it was like keeping up with the Joneses only worse because it was at home so he couldn’t block it out. John thinks since I knew his job I should have had a basic understanding of his finances and realizes this wasn’t a lifestyle he could maintain. That the kind thing would have been to offer to pay for the trips and other things instead of dangle them in front of his and his kids faces.
Looking back I probably could have realized that this spending didn’t make sense for his salary, but I wasn’t thinking about it. I don’t think it was my responsibility to keep his finances in mind here. We had agreed from the beginning to keep our finances separate so to me that means paying for things separately.
Edit. We do not live in a state with common law marriage
Relevant Comments:
Why not get married? You know you can make children beneficiaries in wills, right?
"Here spouses are included in inheritance even if they’re omitted from wills and I plan on leaving everything to my kids."
Ages:
"I’m 44. He’s 53. We don’t have any children together."
So you didn't discuss trips you could afford together??
"We did discuss the trips and I asked for input about where to stay what we would do, but he never gave any or had any suggestions. I always assumed he just didn’t like planning things. I would have likely still gone on the trips if he didn’t want to."
So if he said no would you just go on the trip on your own?
"I would have likely still gone one the trip. That’s said I would have been open to less expensive trips had he brought it up."
"Except for the past two trips he never declined. I didn’t go alone though. I went on one with some friends and the other with my daughter."
This comment exchange:
Commenter: ESH- John should have ended your marriage way earlier. He can't keep with your lifestyle and would horrible and Very unfair to subject his children in a life where half of the family goes on fancy vacations regurlaly and the other stay home. He should have been honest way earlier before his savings drained and ended the marriage. You should have more awareness of your partner's struggled. How do you share a life with someone and don't realize this things?
OOP: He paid for things without any hint that he was struggling. I assume his attitude change was when things started to get really bad and I did ask what was wrong, but he would just say things were fine or say he was upset about some little thing like the dishes not being put away.
Before you were together, how often were you taking trips with your kids?
"I’ve always done about the same amount of trips every year. Usually two with my kids.
His kids mostly live with their mom and mine will split time between me and their dad pretty equally. My eldest is in college now though."
And this exchange:
Commenter: I have a burning question. Did you ever ask him why he was acting that way before you decided it was time for separation. Because from the outside you come off as the female stereotype that men don't have emotions so there's no need to check
OOP: I did. He would always say it was fine or I would ask what’s wrong and he would get mad about the dishes not being put away or some other little thing.
If you enjoy having him with you maybe you could pay for him to go?
"If things were better I might consider it, but at this point I’m really not enjoying being around him anymore. I’m going to use this break to take some time to reevaluate things."
It sounds like you don't love him at all. Why were you with him? Were you really together or just roommates with benefits? Why wouldn't you leave him anything in the will? How do you split daily life?
"With how things are now it’s hard to talk in present tense. I loved him.
For me it just feels like it would be wrong for my money and assets to go to anyone other than my kids given. For him well I don’t really need any inheritance, so it just makes the most sense for it to have gone to his children.
For restaurants we’ve always just taken turns paying."
There is no consensus bot on AITAH. The top comment was NTA, but there were quite a few ESH and info votes because the situation seemed weird
Update Post: January 8, 2024 (18 days later)
After reading all the comments on my first post I realized I needed more time to think about things. I also thought with the situation how it was it would be best that we spend the holidays apart to avoid and controversy. He wasn't a fan of the idea, but I eventually got him to agree to go.
Last week things settled down so we met up to have a more detailed discussion about the state of his finances. A few more things were revealed. I found out that he had lost his job earlier this year and didn't tell me. He got a new job in October, but he went over 4 months without one while pretending he still had one. During that time he only got a small amount of money from unemployment, so he started putting everything on his credit cards. His new job doesn't pay as much as his old one so he hasn't been able to pay more than the minimum towards his debts which are now substantial.
I feel like if he had just brought up all these issues earlier this could have been avoided or we could have worked something out. Now I really just feel like I can't trust him. I can't trust him with money and I can't trust him not to hide things from me. I just can't see going back and trying to make things work him at this point. Since he doesn't have a place to take all their things I've agreed to store their stuff in my garage until he gets more settled. Which means I won't be able to make as clean of a break as I would like right now, but for the most part it's over.
Update Post 2: February 24, 2024 (1.5 months later)
For anyone who hasn’t read my previous posts there’s two of them exposing what happened under my username.
I liked the suggestion I was given when last posted of paying for a storage unit for their things for a few months. My ex however did not agree to it. He said it would make things too difficult because the closest storage location was too far out of the way. It definitely felt like he was still trying to cling to things.
Since I couldn’t get a storage unit in his name without his approval I talked to a friend, who is a lawyer, about the situation. He helped me right up a notice that told him that he had 30 days notice to get their things or they will be disposed of. After 30 days notice was up he still had only picked up a few things.
I ended up calling his ex and asked her if she or their kids wanted anything before I got rid of it all. Well, they had been left in the complete dark about our relationship being over. My ex had been lying to them saying I was sick and then he was sick with Covid and that’s why they hadn’t been able to come over. I’m was not at all surprised this point. I figured she didn’t know about the rest of it either and told her. She is livid. Especially about the money for their kids education since it was part of their divorce agreement.
Anyway the kids all got what they wanted and I had a charity come and pick up the rest. It feels a lot better now that there is a completely clean break. Yes I have gotten the locks changed and blocked his number. Since there is no reason for me to have contact with him anymore this is probably the last time I’ll be posting.
I think I’m there future I will probably look for more transparency when it comes to financials in any serious future relationships. With how much he was lying I can only imagine what else he may have been lying about. Had I known more I don’t think he would have been able to hide things. I am just so grateful and relieved that I was able protect myself and my children.
Relevant Comments:
One more time because people need clarification on inheritance:
Where I live spouses are included in inheritance even if there’s a will.
How could you not know what he was making if you know what he did for work?
I just never looked into what the average salary for his type of work.
This exchange clearing things up:
Commenter: First post said you both have adult kids, why are their education an issue still and why doesn't anyone contact you directly? Was no one on friendly terms?

I don’t know where you got that. My eldest is an adult, but the others are still under 18.I don’t know what/who you mean by why doesn’t any contact me directly.

Commenter: What I mean is they were told you were sick. These are people that went trips with and none of them texted or called to check on you

I don’t know what to say. It doesn’t seem odd to me. We didn’t usually keep in contact when they were with their mom.

*****Update Post 3: May 8, 2024 (4.5 months from OG post)****\*
I know I said that that would be my last update. It’s not really necessary for me to make another, but now I’m kind of using this as a form of journaling which I’ve found cathartic. The previous posts are all under my username.
I only had one run in with my ex since the last incident. He came to my house. I only spoke to him through the camera. He asked about getting his things. I told him that I had already got rid of everything as I had warned him, but that his kids had taken some things. I also told him he needed to leave and to not come back. Surprisingly he didn’t make a big fuss about it. He just said okay and that he was sorry for bothering me before he left, but he did look very tired so maybe that’s why.
I have not seen him since and apparently his ex and his kids haven’t heard from him in all this time either. This update had more to do with them than my ex actually. His ex contacted me to ask about him. She wanted to know if I had heard from him or had his new contact information. His phone is apparently no longer in service. I told her how I hadn’t had any contact with his since the aforementioned visit.
She also asked if she and I could meet up for coffee and talk. I declined because honestly I couldn’t think of a reason for us to meet up. Though I did offer to pass on any info about him if I heard anything.
She apparently wanted to talk to me about helping her pay for her eldest child’s (who is now a senior in highschool) education next year. She also subtly implied there was some fault on my part for their lacks of funds. I rather cowardly told her I would think about it and ended the call.
To be honest I feel like it’s an unfair position she’s putting me in. The main reason being that her children don’t seem to care for me. We got along alright while I was with their dad. However since I ended things with him it has been complete silence from them. I did try to reach out to them to see if they were okay. They never responded. Even when they came over to get their things they ignored me and my youngest. However I did get a message after the call with their mom about how she missed me. The timing though just makes it seem sort of like manipulation to get money out of me.
Edit. I have since blocked all of them.

So my father used to own a cabin. In fact he used to own a lot of different properties. Which I suppose is just a roundabout way of saying that we grew up with money. Where things get a bit complicated is how he actually made that money.
The line that he constantly fed us was that he was an accountant running his own firm in an office in the city. Long hours, lots of business trips. We never saw him much. And whenever we did, he always seemed tired, his eyes perpetually bloodshot, as if he were always trying to force them to stay open.
He was sent off to prison right after I’d finished my first year of college.
The sentence? Fifteen years, for washing hundreds of millions of dollars for numerous cartels. Two weeks after he’d been booked, my mother committed suicide. As it turns out, she’d been helping him out through the entire thing and was facing some time herself. I guess she didn’t want to deal with all that and took the drastic way out.
A few months later, the government had seized pretty much all his property.
All of it, except for that cabin in the woods.
It took a long time for me to feel normal again. But eventually I managed it. Went back to school and graduated with a good enough GPA which allowed me to snag some shitty office job a few months later. But it was enough to pay the bills.
Fast forward about another year and I’ve basically scrubbed that entire sequence of events out of my brain. It took a little bit of therapy, a lot of psychedelics, but I finally did it, to the point where I was comfortable enough to go back to that cabin, the one place where I’d see my father for more than a few weeks at a time during our summer trips.
I decided to take along three of my friends from Uni - Jack, Pedro, Randy.
We drove down there at the beginning of May. The road leading to the cabin hadn’t been maintained at all and as a result, it had become borderline undrivable. I decided to save my vehicle the stress and parked in a nearby lot, leaving us about a one-and-a-half-mile trek through the woods, which really wasn’t so bad.
Our time in the cabin was pretty much spent getting drunk and stoned, and by the third night we had completely run out of food.
We decided to take the thirty minute walk over to the nearest rest stop, where I knew that there was a 24/7 diner. So we go there, eat our meals, and on the way back we notice a burning smell in the woods, as if there was a bonfire raging about nearby.
Of course that was a bit strange given that it was around 2AM. But we didn’t think too much of it at the time and we kept walking.
It was only when the smell continued to grow stronger as we got closer to the cabin that we understood something was very wrong. Soon it had become suffocating, and we could see the night sky tinged with orange in the near distance.
I felt my heart drop into my stomach and immediately I was sprinting, my worst fear realized as I reached the clearing where the cabin was located.
Completely up in flames, plumes of dark smoke blending in with the night.
It was a mix of different emotions that hit me all at once, the combination of them creating a sense of dread so deep I hadn’t thought it possible.
After reeling myself in, I called 9-1-1, with the operator telling me that the fire department would be on their way but wouldn’t be able to reach us for at least thirty minutes. The four of us walked away from the cabin in silence, getting far enough so that the smoke was no longer scratching at our throats.
Around ten minutes later, we noticed that the orange tinge in the sky had suddenly disappeared. And I mean suddenly. Like, gone in a single blink. I thought I might’ve been hallucinating, but it was clear from their expressions that my friends were seeing something similar.
Cautiously, we started making our way back towards the cabin, noticing that the smoke was no longer heavy in the air, having cleared up considerably. Once we reached the clearing, it had disappeared altogether.
I looked ahead, my brain working overtime to comprehend the sight before me. The cabin was no longer on fire. Burnt to a crisp, sure. But the raging, overwhelming flames that had been consuming it just minutes prior had somehow completely fizzled out.
The four of us looked between each other, as if to confirm we were all still seeing the same thing.
Using the flashlight on my phone to survey the damage, I found pretty much what I’d expected. Complete destruction. Absolutely zero hope of recovering anything.
I started taking some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down when I heard Pedro yelling out from the other side.
“Guys… where the fuck did this thing come from?”
We all walked over to him. Nestled in the debris was the corpse of… something. A monstrosity.
It was about the size of a bear, with the sections of its body that weren’t burnt showing pale, clammy skin with deep cuts etched throughout it, in what looked to be some kind of crude pattern. Its head had been smashed in, leaving nothing but an abnormally wide bottom jaw which was still baring long, black teeth. It had an uncountable number of long, thick arms that it was using to hold something that resembled a human infant, one that appeared to be completely unscathed, devoid of any burn marks. The longer I stared at it, the more that I was convinced I could see it breathing.
It was a bizarre enough sight to put us into a near-trance. What eventually snapped us out of it was the chanting.
It was barely noticeable at first, slowly escalating in pitch until it was clear that there were several human voices shouting in unison. Their tones were animalistic, their words strung together with just the bare beginnings of a rhythm. It sounded like they were speaking English, though I could hardly make out anything they were saying.
The strangest part though, was how quickly it was getting closer to us. Definitely not a walking pace. It was more like a sprint.
The four of us shared a quick glance between each other and immediately there was an understanding.
We ran like bats out of hell, tripping over branches, our own feet.
But eventually we reached my car, all of us scrambling to pile into it. As I was fumbling for my keys, the chanting had become deafening, to a point that hardly made sense. It sounded as if there were speakers lined up in a circle around us, all blasting that horrible noise.
And the second that I had put the keys into the ignition, things went silent. I found myself holding my breath as I looked up, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness until what I was seeing was unmistakable. Several figures standing completely still at the edge of the woods. All human-shaped but far too large to be people.
All the air being held in my lungs flooded out with one big exhale and I slammed the vehicle into drive and took a sharp turn before speeding the hell out of there, refusing to look in the rearview until we had made it into the highway.
I drove until I had reached the rest stop, which was now hosting an absurd number of police cars. I parked, got out, and approached one of the cops, asking if they were here because of the fire.
The cop shook his head. “Fire? No. Has there been a fire?”
I explained the situation with the cabin to him, deciding to leave out the creature and the chanting for the time being.
The cop nodded slowly, his expression remaining largely the same throughout.
“Alright,” he said. “We’ll look into it. And then give you an update in the morning. For tonight, just get a hotel or something.”
We exchanged numbers and I thanked him. As I began to walk away, he called out to me.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
I turned back around.
“Yeah,” I said. “Sure.”
“Do you happen to be (my dad’s name)’s son?”
For a while I just stared at him. Eventually I nodded.
“Yeah,” he said. “I thought I recognized you.”
“I don’t understand,” I told him. “I’ve never seen you before.”
The cop took a deep breath before taking a quick look around. “Come here,” he said. “Come close.”
Tentatively, I did so.
“I can’t tell you everything. I don’t even know everything. But I think you should have the right to know the truth about your father. All of the stuff that’s happened here tonight, all of the shit that you’ve seen… it has something to do with him.
He took another look around before continuing. “Cartels, right? Was that the story they told you? It’s not so creative. But I guess it doesn’t have to be creative to be believable. Cause the shit that he was actually mixed up in… you would not believe unless you’ve seen it for yourself.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.
“Look, I have your number. I’ll be in touch tomorrow morning. This is something I’m curious about as well. Maybe you can give me some answers, point me in the right directions. But not here. So get out of here before people start noticing you. And stay safe.”
I didn’t feel like staying in a hotel that night, so I drove back into the city, dropping everybody off before arriving back at my own apartment.
Of course I couldn’t sleep that night, my eyes wired open into the morning as I waited for the officer to call. He still hadn’t by the time that noon rolled around and so I tried calling him instead.
No answer.
Eventually I did receive a call from the police, telling me that my father’s cabin had burned down and that it was due to a forest fire.
I told them that wasn’t possible because there had been no forest fire and that I suspected foul play and wanted it to be investigated.
“It’s already been investigated,” are the exact words that the officer told me. “Don’t worry about it. Just get in touch with insurance. Go over your options.”
And before I could say anything else, he had hung up on me.
It was a mixture of anger and curiosity that compelled me to drive back down there. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t for the road leading towards the rest stop to be blocked altogether. There were two cop cars guarding the barrier, with a single officer signalling any vehicles approaching to turn around.
I pulled over to the side of the road and after some careful deliberation, I decided to get out and approach him and ask what was going on. Just to see what he might say.
When I finished the question, he stared at me for a long time. Uncomfortably long.
“Emergency construction,” is what he eventually told me.
After that encounter, I pretty much dropped trying to figure things out.
Some weird things have started happening to me since. Every night, I swear I can hear a baby crying in the apartment across from mine. The apartment that I thought had been occupied by a pair of college kids who definitely do not have children.
That cop that was supposed to call me finally did, a few nights ago. When I answered, I was met with dead silence on the other end. Nearly thirty seconds of it until the line clicked dead.
There’s an abandoned house sitting across the street from my apartment building, one that’s supposedly been there for years because the development of the store meant to take its place keeps getting delayed.
Somebody has started staring at me through its second-floor window. Whenever I catch them doing it, they’re quick to close the blinds, so I can never catch any details. But I know that the moment I turn away from it, their eyes are back on me.
I can’t confirm that any of these things are related. Whether it has anything to do with my father.
I just know that I don’t want to deal with it and that I want it to end.

This is on mobile & this more about one of my sisters. Info I’m the youngest in the family, disabilities & am adopted from a country that’s not well known in the west. Staying vague to avoid too many details.
Backstory: She held these details about me over my head all my life. “I’m not American enough, I’m not Asian enough (my heritage enough), I’m not smart enough”, etc. She traveled to my birth country and would withhold any information on my heritage from me and gaslight me whenever I tried to ask questions when I was young. Like “oh be specific, what do you mean what food they eat? What do you mean what their history is be specific” until I’d get frustrated and have to walk away. So ya she’s awful. Summer (2022) on a family visit, I’m their favorite aunt. Been told by all my siblings kids. It was a week’s stay and I had successfully dodged my sister’s attempts in starting a fight until somehow in a conversation of economics. Don’t ask I don’t know how either I was once again called a retard & her eldest kid used as an example to ridicule me further on how stupid I was & how smart her kid is in front of my silent parents. She then turned to my utter shock to her eldest child & used her younger sibling to ridicule her on how much better she could do in school. In my head I went “AH HELL NO” (that’s where it officially began.) I felt something utterly SNAPPED in me. After that she turned back to me & I was still in too much shock before I could defend my niece (my only real regret to this day) more insults were herald at me. Idk what it was but I started to cry. I’m not a cryer. So much so it throws me off when others cry because I guess I forget that’s a thing, typically I just get mad. Karen my entitled sister was absolutely BEAMING with pride and utter euphoric JOY. Again my parents still silent heads down. Shortly after that we had to leave for the airport. I WAS DONE. Given I’d do & this was my “snapping point” it’s really not too bad in my opinion.
Now onto the PETTY REVENGE.
Christmas 2022, I mailed my gifts to my narcissistic sister & later she called & disowned me. The utter relief that drained from my body was HEAVENLY. I sent her kids “Sorry My Mom’s a Karen” t-shirts I got off Amazon as a petty joke for Christmas, along said actually gifts. I thought it was hilarious and to anyone outside the family I tell this story to agrees it’s funny. Outraged on the phone I did try to explain why I sent the gifts instead of straight up apologizing first because that’s just how my brain functions. It’s not excusing it. It’s just making sense of things. A recap on what happened that lead up as a nice way to have a straightforward what happened from my perspective to give more clarity. I’m called heartless & evil. That was the Holidays and since then my parents have even admitted they know it was messed up & hovered over me declaring me unfeeling. According to my narcissistic sis I’m “an evil bitch”. I finally said okay & apologized to appease my mother. I figured it was a great acting exercise. I admitted that to my mother and she was not amused. She’s the type who just wants everyone to get along. Unsurprisingly my entitle sis said “it wasn’t good enough” & I said “that’s her problem”. I was called immature, stubborn & clearly need intense anger management…over shirts according to my sister. Questioning my sanity really her and my mom. “How could I do such a thing?” I remember thinking “Dude I got disowned over shirts”. Like wow she didn’t just prove my point. I’m setting boundaries, told her and my family regardless what they think I won’t let them make me the bad guy because I’m not. They were pissed. Whilst all this was happening I was planning on going off to uni, so I was gonna be gone anyways. I know my parents just want peace & are good people but are too old & don’t need to be dealing with their two adult children’s problems. I kept telling my mom she’s not responsible for her grown children’s problems. That it’s not her fault & that it’s between me and my sister. Of course my sister isn’t mature and demanded she fix it and make me realize how awful I am blah blah blah.
Ya I could have let it go but disownment is a bit of an overkill but I’m too relieved to care? She’s since then tried to convince our parents to take my education away. They shut that down, thank God. She even tried to convince them to throw me onto the streets. It was like this for roughly four months until I realized I was fighting my own battle this long & enough was enough. I contacted another family member knowing they’d contact my mom asking what’s going on? Embarrassed my mom came storming in asking why was I sharing our family business? I looked at her “why? Why? What’s a middle aged woman doing trying to ruin the life of (insert my age) year old?” Stunned I think that’s when she finally realized it was over and she gave up. After that I was left alone. By March I think Karen realized I’m not budging & she couldn’t take it? So her last tactic (which didn’t work) was saying parents couldn’t see their grandkids unless I apologized. I’ve admitted to my parents the fallowing “Yes, I messed up by sending those petty gifts to unsuspecting kids. That’s fair. However how is sending petty shirts like that be so much worse than the abuse they’ve let me endure from my much older sister? Whatever. At the very least I deserve a tongue lashing. Which I got but not months of continued “you’re heartless” BS. Sorry if this was a long read but that’s been my story so far. I’m living my life, keeping a healthy distance because I love my family but I’m also not a pushover. I’ve been blocked by Karen naturally. My Parents spent years beaten down by her despite the good life and support she’s been given by our parents. They’re just as much as victims as I am. My petty revenge continues as I live my life. I even met people at my university from my country and finally got answers not even the internet was helpful on. I was finally able to reclaimed my own heritage. Around Christmas time 2023 I had an unplanned & surprising conversation on FaceTime with my nieces! As expected they don’t care about what happened & they still love me. My BIL is chill & probably wisely is staying out of it. I’m not gonna lie I was kinda hoping my sister would send me a Karen shirt back because my petty ass would have loved it & been so proud. I honestly was planning on pinning it to my wall if they did, like a petty trophy but I guess I’m the only one who sees the humor in all this & can laugh about it, even at myself. Also my parents have been getting therapy and doing better. They’re victims & adults. So what they do is their choice. Thankfully I have seen improvements. They’re good people.
The CHERRY ONTOP :
I realized somewhere in August 2023 that I was the first person in Karen’s life that told her no, showed she had no control. What’s worse (for her) of all people, it was in her eyes the inferior little Asian, retard, who walked away head held high & couldn’t give a damn about her. And. She. Can’t. Do. Anything. About. It. That’s Power. Now she lives her life as if nothing happened staying silent but keeps the “disownment up” and honestly good for her. I am happy healthy & thriving. I WON.

I'm a 27 yr old, who feels kinda lost. Granted I have my 2 kids, a stable job, a wonderful boyfriend, and a supportive group of wonderful people in my life. I just found out that I'm pregnant and the family is excited. However I'm currently taking my abuser to court and it's been getting stalled. Multiple times. What I mean by stalled is that they keep pushing it off for one reason or another. I wanna give you guys some background before I ask my questions.
When I was 11 my biological father signed his rights away, gave me to my biological mother and (at that time) my stepdad, and left my life. I remember, on my birthday, the school threw a wonderful party for me. Then my dad picked me up from school early and we drove to a gas station miles away and I saw my biological mother for the first time since I was 8. My stepdad gave me gifts and I saw my dad signing something on the back of his car and handing it to my biological mother. We eventually got back to my bio mom's house (after a tire flying off the car and spending a night in a hotel room) and got settled. We lived in an old house and they converted the dinning room into a bedroom for me. So in order to get into the kitchen from the front room, they had to come through my room. Every night my stepdad would come by and run my head. Tracing over my hair from the front of my head to the end of my pixie cut hair. At that time I thought that this is what a dad who loves their kid does because my bio dad wasn't that affectionate. 6 months after we got home from the gas station, my stepdad adopted me. Since he was 14 years younger than my mom and only 10 years older than me, it was easy to get along with him. I saw him more as a friend than a father and my bio mom was distant so he'd be the one interacting with me. When I was 12 my bio mom and adoptive father used to check if I brushed my teeth by smelling my breath. My bio mom stopped doing it and asked my adoptive father to do it, so he was the main one that checked my breath. Once he joked about if I were to do it again that he'd kiss me. I told my adoptive father that I wasn't scared of him and he kissed me. The adult activities followed a few days after that. When I was 13, I had a boyfriend who I told that my adoptive father and I did adult things, because I wanted him to know that I knew about that world. My bf (at that time), let's call him Tod, informed me that my aunt needed to hear my stories. So I told her. I remember her face going pale for a moment and then she was back to her normal self. Since I was only at my aunt's house because me and Tod were picking out me a homecoming dress, we got in the car shortly after I told my aunt. She drove us (me and Tod) home and there was a white car there. I got taken into foster care until I was 14 (only spending the beginning of 8th grade in care). I felt so bad for talking about what happened between me and my adoptive father that I recanted what I had said and ended up being placed back in the house with my bio mother and adoptive father. The adult activities continued just a couple weeks after I got home. When I was 16, I ran away with a new bf. That bf got scary aggressive so I messaged my bio mom and told her I needed to come home. She told me she wasn't going to be there if I came back. I didn't believe her because she's lied to me multiple times before. I broke up with him. My adoptive father came to get me and got me back to the house. My bio mom ended up not being there. So for the next couple years, I still went to school, adult activities still continued, alcohol and drugs were introduced, physical violence started, more abusive language came out, and all of that my adoptive father made sure of. I found out I was 3 months pregnant when I was 18. I got kicked out. Keep in mind it was only me and my adoptive father in the house. I ended up getting myself an apartment and was able to make a little money by selling jewelry and crafts I made. All that time, I didn't understand that what he did to me was wrong. So when he showed up to my apartment with flowers and a card for mother's day(even though the baby wasn't born yet), I let him inside. My adoptive father apologized. The cycle started all over again except for the drugs and alcohol because of the baby. I gave birth and couldn't breastfeed so he started smoking green with me. My adoptive father caused a huge fight that cost me my apartment so I moved towns away into a friend's house. We will call her Bee. Bee had dated and had a kid with my brother and we were really close. I knew Bee since early highschool and she knew a lot of what I went through. I made friends there and Bee had my kicked out of their house so me and my first born moved into another friends house. I got beat there so I call my uncle to help me find a place. Unfortunately my uncle didn't know what my adoptive father had done so they showed up to pick me up together. We (me, son, and adoptive father) moved into adoptive grandma's house. The cycle started again. This time he was the only one who was allowed to drink and it was behind doors because Grandma was against it. I didn't even know until after. It was in that house, he disclosed to me that he used to peek through the slats of the wall of the bathroom while I showered when I was 11, and that he was the one to leave the vibrator on the counter for me to find. Adoptive grandma bought me and my adoptive father a house that needed some work on. Adoptive father attacked adoptive grandma so we got evicted and moved into that house alone. The house didn't have electricity or running water, but we were able to stay clean and comfortable because we knew how to survive in that environment, but even I can admit that's no way to live. Drugs and alcohol were common. Adoptive father also gave me(I don't think I have to say in what way) to several of his friends. One night, a friend of Bee's came over and hung out with us after my son fell asleep. The friend had brought alcohol over and we all had a few drinks. Adoptive father because angered and the friend left. My son woke up because of the yelling so I picked him up to comfort him. I should have left him there because what happened next I still hold a lot of hate towards myself for even though my son is perfectly fine now. Adoptive father became more and more upset by the minute so I moved so it'd put space between us. I moved to where there was a table between me and adoptive father. I'm still holding my son at that time. Adoptive father comes rushing towards the table and throws it out of the way. He swung at me and I turned my body thinking that I had to block the blow for hitting my son. I didn't turn quick enough and my son (only 1yrs old) had a red mark on his chest. Adoptive father paused for a moment in shock that he hit the baby and gave me enough time to put the baby down and grab my phone. I started to call my closest friend at that time (who was aware of my life story and was on call whenever I needed a safe place) but adoptive father grabbed my phone, hung up, and held me down until I told him I wouldn't leave the house. I waited until he was asleep and call my friend again. Minutes later me and my baby were in a car heading to safety. The last time I spoke directly to my adoptive father was when I was 21, and that was because he called me and asked if I pressed charges against him for hitting the baby. I told him, no I didn't but his bio dad (who he hated) was the one to talk to the cops and gave them pictures of my bruises. He spent 2 years in prison for assault and that was his third strike at that time. The states attorney found out that I had a child with my adoptive father and called me on the number I gave the cops. 4 years ago they opened a case of incest against him and have filed charges. The trials and sentencing dates have been postponed multiple times and the next courtdate is in July of this year. The last one was supposed to be in April, however the defense attorney was sick. 2 years ago, while I was in a lot of counseling appointments, I finally understood what grooming was and that my childhood and teenage years weren't supposed to happen. At least in a good family, the situations I was put in wouldn't have happened. I found out that my adoptive father married Bee (the friend who had a kid with my brother) and that they had 3 kids together. My brother found out that that couple had beaten my niece and now has full custody of my niece.
I currently live in a home with my kids and bf. I have a job. I have kept up with every court date. I have shown up for every courtdate. Even driving hours to and from the court house because I lived 2 years in a different state. I have done everything in my power to make sure my kids are safe and away from the situation. However I feel like my oldest will need to know who his bio father is eventually. He's only 8yrs old rn. He does resemble his bio father in some ways that are only shown when he's mad or trying to hide something and it scares me every time. I love my kid and I feel horrible everytime my mind sees my adoptive father in my son. My son knows that his biological father is responsible for a scar across his middle finger because his bio father turned on a industrial fan while my son's hand was on it, but that's all he knows about his biological father. How do I go about helping him not turn into the type of person his biological father is? How would I address it later when he has more questions?

BoxOfficeTheory Presale Tracking
USA Showtimes As of May 10
Presales Data (Google Sheets Link)
BoxOfficeReport Previews
DOMESTIC PRESALES
Back to Black EA+Thursday Comp: $0.34M

• abracadabra1998 ($0.29M EA+Thursday comp. Yikes bikes (May 12).)
  
• crazymoviekid ($0.28M Thursday comp. Not great. Let's say $.3M (May 14).)
  
• filmlover (Looking at the sales even for the early shows on Wednesday it's on the anemic side (and nothing that's likely to boost it over the next days). Feels like we're about to see how low a biopic about a famous musician can go (May 10).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($0.45M EA+Thursday comp.)
  
• Rorschach (Zero tickets sold on Thursday and only four on Friday. I don't think I'll be missing much (May 13).)
  

IF Thursday comp assuming $2M for keysersoze123: $1.82M

• abracadabra1998 ($1.23M Thursday comp. My model has been pretty good for animated/family releases in the past, hence why every comp is so eerily similar. Still, looking at others' numbers and how much lower mine are, I am wondering if summer break might be something to consider here; from what I am aware, here in Minnesota most school districts don't start break until June (May 13). Hoping for some real acceleration this last week but not looking good (May 12). One week out, not impressed in the slightest (May 9). Rising against comps as expected, due to the short release window, but I am still failing to see anything that suggests the numbers given by some other outlets (May 5). The release window for this is way shorter than all these comps so those numbers will naturally go up. Decent growth in the last three days (May 2).)
  
• AniNate (I'm gonna guess that Nick IP spot for IF this morning ratcheted up interest, Fri-Sun sales at Canton now close to 200. Also of those 200 about 50 were for XD. Not the usual overwhelming presale split but not insignificant for a kids movie also playing on two standard screens (May 13). 45 sold at the five nearest Cinemarks for Thursday previews so far, so yeah there's evidently some kind of regional variation (May 13). I definitely haven't seen as much of a rush here with Garfield as with IF (May 11). I dunno, I have no comps but I feel like local presales is a pretty sizable haul a week in advance for an original non-Disney kids movie (May 9). I did see a surprising amount of single sales looking at IF charts (May 1).)
  
• charlie Jatinder (Hmm. So no real Regal impact it seems at katnisscinnaplex's theaters (April 30).)
  
• crazymoviekid ($1.95M Thursday comp. Definitely looking around $1.75M Thursday for now (May 14).
  
• DAJK (Selling pretty well so far here (May 4).)
  
• el sid ($2.4M Thursday comp. Friday up so-so 116% since last Monday. I chose Jungle Cruise, Dolittle, Elemental, Minions 2 and Sonic 2 as comps (always counted on Monday of the release week for Friday) and the true Friday number for IF would be 6.6M at the moment. In this case the comparison numbers were very similar, around 6-7M. Overall it was a boring counting today which lasted too long for so few action. And judging from some random samples Garfield also saw no significant jumps (I also didn't expect much, it's still too early IMO). Thursday up 92% since last Monday. I hoped for a bit better jump till today :( but it's also not too bad. So for Friday no big numbers but up 75% since last Monday (and the jump must have happened pretty recently) (May 13). Up 73.5% since Monday (where it had 143 sold tickets). Best sales in California, not doing too bad between the coasts. The number today is ok to me (May 12). Not really signs for a breakout for Friday so far, but very solid. It will not really get 4-6M Thursday e.g. compared to Migration but from most comps the number could be pretty decent (May 7). Looked good for the film, both on Thursday and on Friday (May 6).)
  
• jeffthehat ($2.07M Thursday comp.)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($1.98M Thursday comp. Thinking somewhere in the 1.2m-1.5m Thursday range despite a couple of higher comps (May 14).)
  
• keysersoze123 (I would say it should hit 2m previews or even more if walkups are strong. OW probably in mid to high 20s for now. Its Friday sales are not that much higher than thursday for crazy IM like say Panda 4 (May 14).)
  
• RichWS (15 screen theater near me is giving IF peak Marvel number of showings. I know it's short and the market is quiet, but damn (May 14).)
  
• TheFlatLannister ($2.39M Thursday comp. Really not much going on. Don't think walkups will be super strong either (May 13). Not much growth (May 10). Pace is collapsing a bit. Continues its downward trend (May 7). After a strong start, this has cooled off quite a bit (May 4).)
  
• Tinalera (Pretty quiet Vancouver and Calgary area (May 13).)
  
• vafrow ($0.5M Thursday comp. It's going up, but slowly. The thing that hit me looking at the numbers is that the most popular format so far is the VIP theatres, which are 19+. With such low sales, you can't read too much into anything, but it kind of speaks to how this isn't grabbing the family crowd (May 14). Some marginal movement, but we're running out of time for this. At this stage, I expect my market is an anomaly, but I still hope and expect it will close the gap in the final few days (May 13). Still nothing (May 12). Still nothing happening. I did check Friday sales, and it was a lot stronger with 51 tickets sold. That's better, but still not tremendous. I also checked the wider radius, where it's pretty much exactly where Haunted Mansion was, which hit $3.1M opening (May 11). Still nothing really happening here (May 10). Since the last update, they released full showtime sets, and it actually lost two showtimes rather than gain. From the sound of it, it might be doing better in other Canadian markets, particularly BC (May 8). Numbers are still really low, making the standard track fairly useless. I did do a larger 100km radius track, encompassing the broader southern Ontaro market (~8M population, MTC4 being about 70-80% of the market). Even against Haunted Mansion, which underindexed here, it's not doing well (May 4).)
  

The Strangers: Chapter 1 Thursday Comp: $1.12M

• abracadabra1998 ($0.88M Thursday comp. Not a good update at all but I am wondering about the summer break deal here as well. For Back to Black it shouldn't affect it much I would think (May 13).)
  
• crazymoviekid ($1.23M Thursday comp. Weird comps. Let's go for $.5M-$.75M Thursday comp.)
  
• el sid ($1.6M Thursday comp. From what I saw, it had an ok jump till today but the jump till Wednesday will be way more important. But so far, decent presales (May 14).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($1.4M Thursday comp. We could have a preview battle on our hands! (May 14).)
  
• Rorschach ($0.48M/$6.03M/$4.16M Thursday/Friday/Thursday+Friday comp. Tarot had more tickets sold for Thursday compared to its Friday showings when I checked the Monday before it came out; hence, why the comps are so all over the place at the moment. The Thurs + Fri comp does appear to be a reasonable middle ground (May 13).)
  
• TwoMisfits (TMobile deal for May - $5 ticket to The Strangers Chapter 1 next Tuesday (May 9).)
  

Furiosa Thursday Comp assuming $5M For keysersoze123: $4.31M

• abracadabra1998 ($5.46M Thursday comp. GxK obviously really propping the average up but for now I could see that settling at around $5 Million, still good pace! (May 12). Really good stuff in this market (May 9). Reallyyyyyy good day 1 here. I want to note that: NO I do NOT think preview numbers will be that high; it's just highlighting the fact that this is likely a movie that will be running hot in my market, as cinephile blockbusters usually do. Next update I will have T-14 comps, which will be a lot lower due to the short release window (May 8).)
  
• AniNate (Skimmed through ThuFri and Valley View (Cleveland vicinity) has sold roughly 60 Furiosa tix so far while Tinseltown (Canton) has sold 40. I'm guessing the upfront audience does lean more toward the urban/cosmopolitan sensibilities (May 9). Presales show there's definitely some hype for this. Regal gonna irritate trackers again, offering no upcharge IMAX for Furiosa (May 8).)
  
• Charlie Jatinder ($3.05M Thursday comp.)
  
• el sid ($5.8M average Thursday comp (without Exorcist 2) (May 12). Furiosa continues its strong performance in "my" theaters. The movie yesterday had already 1.310 sold tickets (for Thursday, May 23). Up 15% in ca. 24 hours which isn't bad at all after the first rush. Already comfortably in front of The Fall Guy's final sales (it had 1.071 counted on Thursday for Thursday) and almost on par with Civil War's final sales (1.357) and also the Apes finally had not more than 1.657 sold tickets in my theaters (May 11). I also can't complain about Furiosa's presales in my theaters, not at all. Already 1,138 sold tickets (in all of "my" 7 theaters) for May 23. 14 days left. Promising start. Civil War on Thursday of the release week for Thursday had 1,357 sold tickets and The Fall Guy finally had 1,071 sold tickets (May 9).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($3.51M Thursday comp.)
  
• keysersoze123 (It has way stronger sales than Garfield and that is expected. I am thinking of 5m previews for now (May 14). I think this is a solid OD presales. With a short PS window its probably looking at 5m+ previews (May 9).)
  
• TheFlatLannister ($4.44M Thursday comp. Keeps climbing at a strong pace (May 11). This continues to grow at an excellent rate (May 10). Really strong day 2. The short presales is for sure a factor (May 9). Not seeing much of a breakout. Still pretty solid start to presales (May 8).)
  
• vafrow ($2.9M Thursday comp. It had a good day (May 12). Mediocre day 2 (May 10). Not the hottest start. IMAX is the format of choice though, so, ATP will be high (May 9).)
  

Hit Man

• vafrow (Getting a theatrical release up here in Canada, and early signs are that it might get a pretty decent screen count. Not super wide or anything, but a pretty decent amount for a weekend that has a lot of other releases (May 14).)

The Garfield Movie EA+Thursday Comp: $2.24M

• abracadabra1998 ($0.76M EA comp and $1.19M Thursday comp. Still not really accelerating, and the EA is falling against comps (May 12). Good EA numbers, but many of these comps were PLF-only EA, which this is not, so I think the ATP will be quite lower and that should be adjusted for (May 9).)
  
• AniNate (I definitely haven't seen as much of a rush here with Garfield as with IF (May 11).)
  
• el sid (The very even sales are a good sign (May 7). For Sunday, May 19, I can already report that also in my theaters it looks very good for Garfield. They will for sure add shows soon. It has so far only 1 show/theater and the shows are almost sold out, between 1 and 4 seats are still available. So my guess still is that this movie if it's not totally bad (and first reviews here were quite positive) will become a (big) hit. Seems not much on Thursday but it's a step in the right direction (May 6).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($2.52M EA+Thursday comp.)
  
• keysersoze123 (Its definitely weaker than even Elemental. That said these movies tend to finish strong and so I am not writing it off so early. Just that the long PS window is irrelevant for them. They could rather start presales like a week before release and it would be all the same. Meh. We have to wait until next week to gauge where its going to finish. It has very low ATP as well and actual would be even lower as its going to see tons of kids tickets (May 14). Early shows are regular digital shows at 1PM this sunday. So ATP will be very low. I think 500k ish at best. Preview let us see how things go in the final week. Presales at this point are almost non existent (May 13).)
  
• TheFlatLannister ($2.14M Thursday comp.)
  
• vafrow ($0.4M Thursday comp. Comps don't paint a pretty picture though. EA shows are doing okay (May 11). Still no sales for my core sample for previews. But I did the larger sweep, which shows the interest right now is the Sunday early access shows. Looking at sales patterns, it's mainly blocks of 3/4 tickets, so likely families grabbing some. It's worth noting that the May holiday in Canada is the weekend of May 17-20th, not the weekend after with Memorial Day. I can see families prioritizing getting out the holiday weekend when they have more time (May 4).)
  

The Lord of the Rings Extended Edition Re-Releases (June 8-10)

• BoxOfficePro (Fathom Events has also announced that select Regal Cinemas will present the films in 4DX on June 22/23/24 for Fellowship/Towers/Return respectively (May 14).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex (Up to ~1,400 shows now with new locations picking it up and others adding a second showing. LotR1 has sold 831 seats OD, LotR2 sold 715 seats OD, and LotR3 sold 735 seats OD. For comparison, Phantom Menace didn't break 800 tickets until T-3 and we're still over a month out. JW3 comp is currently around 9m (it was at 1,670 tickets sold at this point!) (May 6).)
  

Inside Out 2 Average Thursday Comp: $7.22M

• AniNate (I do see a few 1-2 spots for Inside Out on Saturday. Think some M-F workweek adult fans might be putting down money for that (May 14).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex (Already at 180 shows for previews in my areas and still has a few theaters left to post. For comparison, Godzilla x Kong finished with 197, Kingdom of Apes 190, and Kung Fu Panda 205 (May 14).)
  
• keysersoze123 (Too early to judge presales as ticket sales just started early this morning. Families dont book tickets on weekday mornings. Wait until evening today to judge it. From a release perspective its way bigger than all animation movies seen recently including Panda 4. Easily the biggest I have seen in a long time. Only movie which is not comparable is Mario but that was not just a family flick (May 14).)
  
• Porthos (On the Saturday of release weekend (ie NOT EA) there is a special event screening for IO2: INSIDE OUT 2: FUNKO FAMILY EVENT! (2024) Sat June 15th. Might boost the OW slightly, depending on how wide this event is and how much more these tickets will presumably cost (May 11).)
  
• TheFlatLannister ($7.22M Thursday comp. Well, I can't really tell if this is a breakout or not yet. Looks very good especially in the first few hours. These are probably terrible comps, but might as well try something (May 14).)
  
• TwoMisfits (I'm kinda shocked at the opening set from my Cinemarks... 2 screens (1 PLF, 1 not) and 6 showings at my PLF 14 for Thursday (and 11 showings on the same screens once it runs full day - 7 PLF b/c 1 is 3d on the reg screen, 4 not)... 3 screens (.75 3d, 2.25 not) and 9 showings at the non-PLF 12 for Thursday (and 12 showings on 2.25 screens once it runs full day)... So, 2 and 2.25 screens for the weekend presale sets... Disney must be charging a huge % for themselves b/c this is an Elemental opening set at my PLF...a little more generous for Thursday at my non-PLF, but then they too drop to an Elemental opening set after the adult Disney base Thursday rush... (May 14).)
  
• YM! (n fairness it's only been an hour but yeah sales are softer than I expected. However, it is a month out and will largely skew more towards kids than say TLM/Across so wasn't expecting a blitz like them. Here at Marcus theaters are going all out for IO2 with it having the lion share of PLFs with it getting both screens when there is two PLFs with tentpole like levels of screens (May 14). Was taking a look at Marcus Cinemas to see that they have preloaded Inside Out 2 showtimes which seem to start at 3:00 pm on a Thursday. It seems like Marcus is going all out on it as judging from showtimes it's taking away all of Bad Boys’ PLFs in that theaters that have two+ PLFs are giving all to IO2 (May 11).)
  

Domestic Calendar Dates (last updated May 3):
MAY

• (May 14) Presales Start [Inside Out 2]
  
• (May 16) Presales Start [Bad Boys Ride or Die]
  
• (May 16) Thursday Previews [Babes + Back to Black + If + The Strangers: Chapter 1 + The Blue Angels IMAX]
  
• (May 17) Presales Start [Ezra]
  
• (May 19) Review Embargo Lifts [Garfield 9 PM EST]
  
• (May 20) Opening Day [Monday: Spider-Man Homecoming Re-Release]
  
• (May 23) Thursday Previews [Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga + Hit Man + The Garfield Movie + Sight]
  
• (May 26) Presales Start [Bikeriders]
  
• (May 27) Opening Day [Monday: Spider-Man Far From Home Re-Release]
  
• (May 30) Thursday Previews [Ezra + Haikyu!! The Dumpster Battle + Robot Dreams + The Young Woman and the Sea]
  

JUNE

• (June 3) Opening Day [Monday: Spider-Man No Way Home Re-Release]
  
• (June 5) Presales Start [Despicable Me 4]
  
• (June 6) Thursday Previews [Bad Boys: Ride or Die + The Watchers]
  
• (June 8) 1-Saturday Re-Release (1st day) [The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition]
  
• (June 9) 1-Sunday Re-Release (1st day) [The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition]
  
• (June 10) 1-Monday Re-Release (1st day) [The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Extended Edition]
  
• (June 13) Thursday Previews [Inside Out 2]
  
• (June 15) 1-Saturday Re-Release (2nd day) [The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition]
  
• (June 16) 1-Sunday Re-Release (2nd day) [The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition]
  
• (June 17) 1-Monday Re-Release (2nd day) [The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Extended Edition]
  
• (June 20) Thursday Previews [The Bikeriders + Janet Planet]
  
• (June 27) Thursday Previews [Blue Lock The Movie -Episode Nagi- + Horizon: An American Saga Chapter 1 + A Quiet Place: Day One]
  

JULY

• (July 2) Opening Day [Wednesday: Despicable Me 4]
  
• (July 4) Opening Day [Thursday: Possum Trot]
  
• (July 4) Thursday Previews [MaXXXine]
  
• (July 11) Thursday Previews [Fly Me to the Moon + Untitled New Line Horror movie]
  
• (July 18) Thursday Previews [Twisters]
  
• (July 25) Thursday Previews [Deadpool and Wolverine + Didi + Fabulous Four]
  

AUGUST

• (August 1) Thursday Previews [Harold and the Purple Crayon]
  
• (August 8) Thursday Previews [Borderlands + Colleen Hoover’s It Ends With Us + Cuckoo + The Fire Inside + Trap]
  
• (August 15) Thursday Previews [Alien: Romulus + Horizon An American Saga Chapter 2 + Ryan’s World the Movie: Titan Universe Adventure]
  
• (August 22) Thursday Previews [Blink Twice + The Crow + The Forge + Slingshot]
  
• (August 29) Thursday Previews [City of Dreams + Reagan + They Listen]
  

Presale Tracking Posts:
April 23
April 25
April 27
April 30
May 2
May 4
May 7
May 9
May 11
Note: I have removed most tracking data that has not been updated for 2 weeks. I think there is value in keeping data for a week or two but at a certain point they start to lose their value and should not be treated the same as more recent tracking data.

My wife and I have been together for 15 years and through it all I have seen her get screwed over by women friends time and time again. She has a good heart, wants to help everyone and has nothing but good things to say about everyone. Yet her choice of friends somehow always turn out being chaotic trauma dumpsters filled with envy and jealousy.
For context, the ex-BFF in this story (we’ll call her Sarah since that’s what autocorrected when I typed “aitah”) and her have been friends since childhood. Sarah had a rough childhood and my wife’s family always took her in, took her on vacations and they were inseparable for many years. At times in HS, they had their falling outs of course and so on every 4-6 years after HS. Something would come up, Sarah would say something mean to my wife and they’d not talk for a year. Then, she’d come back in to her life. My wife rationalizes this as a friendship cycle which I would agree with except for the patterns and toxicity Sarah exhibits in her own life as well as others. She tends to gossip about others, has made some questionable decisions in her own marriage and most everything she complains or bitches about is purely conjecture and projection. She loves to stick a knife in your back and twist it as hard as she can when she’s feeling vindictive and many of her old peer group have many unkind things to say about her unbeknownst to her. Yet, my wife likes to see the best in people as well as being someone who can be influenced out of fear or intimidation (which Sarah has done many times).
Sarah’s attributes:
— Demonstrates deep seated resentment and jealousy towards my wife. Wife is kind, a complete bombshell and comes from a generous family. Sarah attempts to control her, makes lewd comments about her breast being too big and then gets breast implants herself, do as I say, not as I do mentality.
—Infidelity and the communication for the desire to leave her husband many times over.
—Sends my wife novels complaining about her relationship, co-workers and friends expecting full support and attention to her concerns; wife can’t get her to reciprocate about simple conversation, vent about her stresses taking care of our autistic children and the loneliness she feels just wanting friends.
—Throws her psychology degree and her accomplishments in my wife’s face when my wife is just trying to vent about her day, boasting of freedom and date nights (no kids)
—Boasts about going to their friends places for the weekend that is close to us (we live 3.5hrs a part) and taking trips, but never committing or trying to make an effort to see my wife for any meetups (or cancelling when we head down to my in-laws where they live).
I could go on, but I’ll continue with the situation….
(Philosophical conflict that I’m thinking about breaking out of spite)
My wife and I have been through hell and back in our lives. And out of each situation we overcome, I’ve stressed to her over time that situation dumping personal information about us to others will, over time, create a confirmation bias with her audience. I’ve seen it a million times in real life, on Reddit, everywhere. When there is a personal connection (friends) between two or more people, a singular narrative seen through the lens of one person is taken as the end all/be all truth and bad advice and information is suggested. So while you and your SO have worked out whatever issue you had and moved on, you can bet your ass the friend(s) you anger dumped on have indexed the instance in their databases, recollecting it when they need a topical punching bag in conversation amongst others and to slowly start suggesting relationship advice out of the resentment they feel by proxy from temporary issues you have since reconciled.
Unless it’s detrimental to your life, children’s lives or is a legal matter, I’m a staunch believer in people working out their marital issues amicably, peacefully and privately.
(Mother’s Day Drama) We are enjoying Mother’s Day. My boys and I are pampering mom, taking all duties off of her bc damnit she deserves it. Wish it was an entire weekend.
After cleaning, taking the kids out to get some cookies and then getting ready to make her dinner, she comes walking into the room, eyes red, crying and saying “I lost my best friend again”. She then proceeded to show me a one message text blaming my wife for something that she never clarified. It was cryptic stating: “I know what you were hoping I would never find out. Someone told me the desperate stuff you attempted even though we are such good friends, right”. It goes on to say that this why karma has come so hard for her in her life and she’ll pray for her. Sarah didn’t write anything else, blocked her on everything and just cut her out of her life like nothing. My wife is devastated and we still don’t know the full story of what she heard, just that it was something from high school 20+ years ago! And apparently she heard it earlier and waited until Mother’s Day to contact my wife.
Now y’all, you must understand, my wife and I have access to each other’s digital footprint on everything and have absolutely zero to hide from one another. I’m in IT and deal mainly with security and ethical hacking. I can say unequivocally that my wife has not stepped out or done anything, whatsoever. Furthermore, the text mentioned “Karma coming so hard for her” and the only thing she is referring to with this statement is us having children on the spectrum with in being more severe than the others, and not having “normal” children. And come to find out, this is some rumor Sarah heard from a mutual childhood friend about my wife back in HIGHSCHOOL and it wasn’t even true. Yet, she has the audacity to contact my wife on Mother’s Day and acts so righteous, tearing my wife’s world apart.
I literally want to download all of the text messages about her coworkers she talked shit about, her husband she didn’t want to be with and the drugging she does and send it to the school where she works and her husband anonymously to make her experience her own karma for the pain, anguish and loneliness she’s put my wife through on Mother’s Day and for the past 15 years. I most likely won’t, but shit, this woman has some bad juju coming her way. AITAH for feeling this way?
P.S. Please leave some comments of hope and inspiration for my wife so I can show her the world is still a good place filled with good people outside of her old childhood friends that are toxic AF.

I'm from a very complicated family, everyone contributes to this weirdest family relationships.
Long story short, parents been separated for 15-20yrs, Mother is 'NPD' controlling freak who hates me and wishes me dead, but slightly changed how she treats since I've been working. My elder brother is not close to me at all, thanks to Mother's manipulation that turned him against me. Father, oh, Father is just... I don't know how to talk about him, I'll try to not put too much emotional stuff in this.
Father worked really hard to raise us two kids. I used to be so sad just watching him going through daily hard labor work, day after day. As you can imagine, he does not make much.
My brother has caused lots of trouble, starting with before I even got to school, families would constantly tell him, his life was degraded because of my birth, which is probably true. Mother would say, look how much your brother sacrificed for me and whatever I ate, my brother spared for me, etc. ever since I was a baby.
While we were still in school, my brother tried to rob some taxi driver and got into lots of trouble. I watched Father’s hair turn grey overnight. Then he got a girl pregnant, and her parents threatened to sue him ‘raping the girl’. Father’s hair went almost completely grey that year.
Father looked so much older during those few years. I feel so terrible cause I was not helping much.
Parents fought every year, especially around festivals. I hate festivals and family reunions as bad as you can imagine.
Even years later now, it sets me in this dramatically desperately sad mode even just talking with them. At least a whole week would be super messed up and then slowly adjusting myself back to be a normal person.
See I really appreciate how Father has done for us and he even got me through college. I witnessed all the pain and hard work he put done for this.
I was close to him but in a weird way, I often hate him too, trying to keep my distance. I didn’t understand why.
Until the 3^rd year in college, one of my friends was really depressed for a while, one day she was talking about some really difficult stuff she was going through with her dad, I was trying to listen and help her through that period.
And suddenly it hit me so hard, shit, think my dad did the same thing to me as well.
That day opened up a gap in that forced to be closed slowly healed rough ugly scar from family traumas, all those left behind memories flooded back to me. Ever since then, I have been in an even worse condition. All the sadness, oh boy, even today, I’m in tears just typing these words.
My uncle is a rapist. Before he was sent to jail, he pulled my pants as well, he didn’t do anything further besides watching, at least that one time that know of, nothing else happened. I was about maybe 5yrs old, I didn’t know what it meant. The year he was arrested, I was already in elementary school and starting to know that was, maybe, not right. When I told my parents about it, and they said, well just shut up about it and don’t mention it to anyone else, you should be ashamed.
When I was about 10yrs old, I started to be sent to semi foster type of families, mainly neighbors, because parents had to work somewhere else, and brother started boarding school. My foster family are generally nice to me, treated me well, fed me 3 meals a day. Food makes people happy.
I was also happy because Father wasn’t around.
The first time I sensed danger I was about 9yrs old.
Again, Mother had never ever told me anything about what is like being a girl, how to deal with period, breast may start to have some changes, wear underwear, wash and clean lady parts, etc. nothing.
I didn’t exist in that house unless she needed someone to vent. As you can see, I was smart, I made myself invisible as much as I could.
Around 4^th grade I had to do some performance for children’s day, our headmaster accidentally realized I was not wearing any undergarments, so she kindly gave me some of her granddaughter’s. After that performance, I started to wear those every day. They look more like little cami top shirts.
One day I woke up, I was already late for school. I got so scared, and I started crying. Father was often more patient with me. He was comforting me and told me to get off bed and get ready for school. I was crying and I wasn’t paying much attention to what he said. And suddenly I realized he stopped talking. I looked up and watched him staring at me, he looked so strange and oddly scary at that moment, not like he was beat me or anything, like a … predator. I tried to figure out what caught his attention and then I realized, half of my breast was showing because the undergarments were too big for me, and I moved when sitting up in bed.
I immediately stopped crying and pulled it up. But I would never forget his eyes, the way he stared at my breasts. It often makes me sick whenever thinking about it even today. I was confused and a bit scared, and I guess ever since then it sort of startled me, the love for my father. But again, I was too young to understand what happened and I did not have anyone around me to tell me girls’ changes around certain age.
Father soon left for a few years, and I was really relived. I don’t know how to describe this feeling and I could only understand myself better till years later.
After Father left, I started going around semi foster families, including my grandparents’ place. Around summertime, I realized the bathroom lock broke, so I just blocked it from inside with chairs every time taking a shower. Still one day, my grandfather forced in and claimed he needed something from the inside. I stood there naked for a second, then rushed to get my clothing and rushed out of the bathroom.
Ever since then, I tried everything to lock that door even more solidly and it worked. The problem is, even today, living thousands of miles away from where I grew up with, I am still extremely insecure with door locks, I buy all sorts of locks to double lock every door, using door stoppers as well.
Then one day, Father just showed up in my school again. He was back. I was happy but deep down something also quietly but terribly disturbed my peace.
One afternoon, while taking a shower, I suddenly felt weird. I started looking around and didn’t find anything odd. But that feeling keeps coming back. So, I looked around again; this time, I saw Father’s face and his eyes were by the window and staring at me, he was so concentrated and didn’t even realize I already saw him. I had to ask him what he was doing there, and he told me he was checking if I finished taking a shower. He looked panicked just like years ago when I busted him staring at my breasts when I was still in 4^th grade.
There were so many little things that happened when I was a kid, but I did not have the knowledge to distinguish what that meant.
I remember starting from one day, my grandmother started to guard me right outside the bathroom every time I took a shower. I didn’t know what that was for, she never mentioned anything, also because she was never that close to me, and I was the least favorite kid.
It’s like a puzzle. So many things started to connect, so many memories I buried deep down started to come back to me. I was so depressed for the first few years after I realized what happened to me when I was a kid. My friend’s memory somewhat triggered my memory valve as well.
About the time I started looking for internships, I was really busy, and it was stressful. One early morning, on the way to work I picked up a call from Father. He told me he was going to commit suicide but didn’t do it because of me.
Mother is really toxic which was not news to me, and they had separated for so many years and I really pity him. I had lots of terrible memories regarding Mother, I thought about suicide so many times every day for many many years ever since I learned the word ‘death’. I just never thought Father was gonna say it out first. It really shocked me, and I was really terrified. But again, death was never an extreme word for me, it was like a relief from my parents. See confused and scared, never knew what’s really going in my mind. I had so much to deal with and I felt I was going to explode but I didn’t have time for that, I was graduating college that year.
But since that, my previous thoughts about confronting Father about his perverting behaviors when I was kid, it just could not be done.
Now for years, I was torn again and again with thoughts about confronting him also worrying it might humiliate him and caused his suicidal thoughts again. I couldn’t tell if he was just trying to manipulate me or was really desperate.
Father worked hard raising my brother and me, and I got into college.
I have been depressed for years, struggling all the time, cutting myself at times when super extremely desperate and couldn’t do anything about it. I would buy tickets traveling all over the world and put parents’ names in my travel insurance, hoping that would pay them back if anything happened.
When I was about 30yrs old, finally one day I confronted him, twice, in person and on the phone, and he denied of course.
Again, I didn’t want to say anything and get him killed, so I stayed quiet for quite a few years again.
But in recent years, I couldn’t help it. I started screaming at him in my dreams and it kept me awake for days after such dreams.
A few days ago, I texted him about it and wanted an apology. I need closure. I desperately need it. I wasn’t planning to go any further than that and I was ready to let it go if he just admits it and just apologize.
After all, for many people, it might not even be considered as such an evil thing to do, right? I don’t know, I am super exhausted and confused.
He soon replied, of course he denied again and saying I was humiliating him, and he said if I still do not believe him, I should consider him dead. Also, he said, you two are my kids, what is there that I have never seen on you two anyways?
I cried for the whole night.
It is so disgusting that he really tried to manipulate me to accept what he said with suicidal/ death threatening, also how he tried to justify his behaviors.
I wished him well and promised to send money when I can, but also told him I won’t be talking to him anymore.
This is as much as I could have done for that little kid when I look back, that little me. It was not as expected but I have to let it go now.
I so wish someone could tell me how someone can be a father also a monster. I don’t know if I am being dramatic about these ‘little things’. I am so worried about he might kill himself because I wouldn’t know how to cure myself with that strike.
But I am in so much pain inside and as always I want to save myself. Every time talking to him is like sharpening this knife to cut open this giant ugly roughly almost healed scar. It’s so ugly and painful.

this is probably the first time i’ve talked about this online in full detail. i’m gonna try to condense this as much as i possibly can but i need to get everything off my chest (very long post incoming so bare with me please).
i’ve been no contact with my mother since december of 2021. from the time i was 18/19 to 25 i have given her numerous chances to make things right with me and she didn’t take initiative. she’s never fully taken responsibility over the fact that she chose my stepdad over me and for the last twenty years treats me and my sister as an afterthought while making him her number one priority. it was so bad that i contemplated ending my life in 2010 when i was 14 (when i told her about it 3 years later she was anything but sympathetic) and even called CPS the same year. she and my stepdad provided the bare necessities but he was verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive towards me and my sis while my mother neglected my emotional needs. they both have alcohol addictions which didn’t make things better. she’s made statements before about finding another place for me to live while she can go be with him. she almost pulled me out of school one time when i needed to take a school exam so we could go camping with my stepdad (something we did 2-3 times a year, sometimes more). he tried to kick us out numerous times but nothing came of it. one time we did move out of his place but came back after a month because she “loved him too much” and wanted to be with him. basically she’s done a lot of things and more over the years that convinced me she doesn’t see me as important as him and it’s affected my self worth tremendously.
in 2021 i stopped talking to her for about 6-8 months after a phone call where i berated her for being an absent parent, to which she tried to apologize but it came off as performative. i saw her at walmart one time that year and our interaction was awkward. i decided to give her my peace one last time that november by sending a long text message detailing why i didn’t want her to talk to me anymore, and of course she dismissed me entirely. the only part of my message that stuck out to her was how i thought her alcohol addiction was going to kill her someday, and she brought up some things she had heard about me to deflect. she said “you’re never gonna lose me, i have two of the most beautiful daughters i could ever ask for” and i told her “well, you just lost me. please stop contacting me.”
about a month later she texted me saying that my stepdad has cancer, but her follow up message said: “you can stop now”. i got heated, partly because i thought she didn’t take me putting my foot down seriously. i responded, “i’m sorry but that is not my problem, please don’t contact me anymore.” she said, “i didn’t say it was your problem! where is your empathy for god’s sake” after that i went OFF on her. i cussed her out, told her she’s a terrible mother and a myriad of other things. the last thing i said to her was “fuck your empathy, and fuck you too (mom’s name).” her only response to my entire message was the word “wow”.
ever since then i only received one text from her and it was the day after my birthday a couple months later where she wished me well. i’ve since changed phone numbers and blocked her on all social media. it’s 2024 and for some reason i think about her a lot. i worry about what’s gonna happen to her once my stepdad passes (i’m her only blood relative in this state) and whether or not his family will keep her around. my sister is VLC with her because my mom dismisses her often and only seems to care about issues pertaining to my stepdad. my sister stopped reaching out as much when she found out my mom put down her perfectly healthy dog last year (that’s a whole story for another time). my mother has expressed suicidal tendencies in the past so i know mentally she’s not all there. i’m tired of worrying about her like she’s my child. i think about her more than she thinks about me. i don’t know why i do this to myself. she’s made her choice and i keep hoping she’ll change but i know she won’t. it’s heartbreaking. i want to stop thinking about her. she clearly doesn’t care about me the way i want her to. i keep bugging my sister to see how my mom is doing but she’s got a lot going on right now and i feel stupid for doing so. why do i care about her so much? even after all this time?

Yesterday, someone posted about being fearful in and around NYC. I responded by saying I had waited over 2 years to see a specialist after a botched surgery, and they are located at Columbia University Hospital in NYC, which is also part of NY Presbyterian and Weill-Cornell. They are one big conglomerate.
Due to the protests and rampant antisemitism on campus, along with the university refusing to protect Jewish students, faculty, doctors, and patients at their hospital, I was rethinking going, despite it being hope of recovery after years of searching for someone to help.
Getting to the hospital today was extremely stressful. There was, however, a huge police presence, both on the street on the blocks around the uni & hospital, as well as inside the hospital. Since the med school graduation was going on while my appointment was scheduled, there was definitely more of a presence than I have ever seen there.
Security was very tight in the hospital (where I have been before), which is no problem for me. It took longer to go through the check in process than usual, as security was checking bags (even my small purse).
I really have to say that it was probably the best experiences I have had at that hospital (which, as someone with several chronic illnesses and rare diseases, I have had to go to way more than I'd like to). Might be one of the best I've had at any hospital, to be honest.
The doctor I went to was extremely nice and caring (I wish I could say that more often). Other employees inside the building were helpful and absolutely professional...which hasn't been the experience there before.
I did not see or hear any antisemitism, nor did I feel threatened in any way (which I actually have experienced that in the past). It was almost as if there were people (security, staff, etc) making sure everyone acted professionally. One of the receptionists gave me a little bit of a hard time (I was late because of all of the security, both around the hospital and getting in / through the check in process), but a supervisor of some kind shut that down really fast.
So a big thank you to everyone for their words of support and encouragement for me to go. I actually got a glimmer of hope and am.on a course of treatment now that may lead to relief and recovery. It's been a long road.
TL;DR: thankfully didn't experience any antisemitism in and around Columbia University Hospital today.

My wife and I have been married for almost ten years and we have three kids together (8m, 6f and 5f). Since April last year my wife has experienced severe pain, nausea and cramps that has gotten steadily worse as time passed. At the moment she’s effectively bedridden for more than 12 hours a day and when she’s able to be up she can’t do much more than sit. She can’t walk more than halfway around the block before she’s in agony and can’t go further. She was recently diagnosed with PCOS, adenomyosis and endometriosis and will get a hysterectomy around the end of June, along with a colonoscopy and endoscopy in a couple of weeks.
I do all the meal prep, pet care, cooking, washing and cleaning for the five of us. I manage our kids full time on the weekends. On weekdays I start at 630 when the kids wake up and I get them dressed, eating, make school lunches with them, check their bags to make sure they have everything. I wake my wife up at 730 just before I leave for work and I’m there from 830-430. The moment I get home my wife goes to our room to rest while I make sure the kids’ bags and lunchboxes are packed up, make the house tidy, do the rest of their homework with them and cook dinner for them. After that I handle their bathroom routine, get them dressed and if there’s time read a bedtime story. Once they’re in bed I prep dinner for my wife and I and once it’s ready wake her up so we can eat together. After dinner I tidy things away and we talk or watch TV and try to relax. If chores and other jobs need to be done (bins, recycling, dishes, folding etc) I do those while she rests. After that we wash up and are usually in bed by 11 or so.
I chose to take this routine on, because I love my family and right now my wife physically can’t no matter how much she wants to help. I know things will be different after she recovers from surgery, but that won’t be until at least August and if surgery doesn’t get all the endometriosis there’ll be followup surgeries after that. The last week we haven’t been able to touch her without her twitching in pain and every night I’ve stared at the ceiling unable to sleep while she whimpers, knowing I can’t comfort her at all without making her suffering worse. I know it’s only an emotional reaction, but I feel rejected when I try and hold her while I’m asleep and wake up to her nearly screaming and pushing me away. Our intimate life is incredibly spotty and on the rare days where she’s not too bad we try and be together but even then I feel like I need to reassure her that she’s still loved and desired, it’s primarily to emotionally support her.
I don’t rest, or have time to socialise or exercise. The brief moments I have to play games are quickly losing all enjoyment for me. I’ve struggled with depression in the past and I worry that I’m going to end up back in that hole. I don’t know what to do.

I met my ex husband at 15, I fell for him immediately. We talked, hung out, messed around off and on until one day at 20 years old I found out I was pregnant.
He said he wanted to raise this child with me, we figured we might as well get married cause it was gonna happen someday anyway. We were dirt poor but he worked 13 hour days, and I was a stay at home mom because we both agreed that we wanted our child to have that. We made sacrifices to make sure she had everything. Sacrifies to our pride, our wants and needs.
I ended up back in therapy 6 months later because I was struggling, no sleep, husband who couldn't really help cause he was exhausted from work. Got diagnosed with ptsd, major depressive disorder and Undefined as yet mood disorder, started working at getting myself healthy for my daughter. Confronting all my trauma.
We bought a house, a beautiful 4 bedroom old house. When she was 3 we found out I was pregnant again, and we were so excited. Covid hit right when he was born so we got to spend that time together as a family.
November of 2021 I found my whole world crashing down around me, my husband had cheated on me. I didn't know what to do. I felt my whole world crashing down around me, I tried to talk to him to work through it with him, but I found out he lied to me again during those talks and I decided I had to love myself enough to leave.
So I did, I left the marriage with little to no money to my name. An entire adult life spent being a stay at home mom, no job skills, no school, but I thought I'd just have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get it done. Unfortunately that didn't happen. I was broken, I was so broken and struggled to keep a job down. I struggled to keep rent paid, I was so depressed I'd go weeks without being able to get out of bed, eating a block of cheese at 2am then nothing for 3 days.
I tried to have split custody, and I couldn't afford good to put on the table. I had no family, and friends who didn't help and weren't there. I had also gotten into an abusive relationship. I was sinking, I had no will to live through each day.
I told my ex husband I was unable to take care of our kids at the time, and asked him if he could please take full custody for the time. I rotted, I had several psychosis episodes that lasted for months. Got diagnosed with BPD and later autism. Attempted suicide 2 times, went inpatient 4 times, teetered on the edge of drug and alcohol addiction but managed to pull myself out of that.
Eventually I just crashed. I had been barely scraping by for 2 years and I just crashed and burned. I had to have a roommate move in to help me afford the apartment, and she'd fucked me over really bad and we got evicted.
I called someone who's like a big sister to me, we hadn't spoken since my divorce, she took me in and helped me get back on my feet. An I've had this job now for a full year, been in therapy consistently for a year, have kept my vehicle paid on time. My credit is in shambles, I can't open a bank account and I see my kids every week....
But I look back everyday at the photos of them right before the divorce and I hate myself for being so absent for 2 years. I missed my daughter's first day of school, my sons first sentences, and learning to ride a bike.
I have so much regret, and guilt and I've been working so hard trying to save for a house, only being able to afford a room with roommates, I want my children back so badly. I currently work with children and I feel guilty every single day that I'm spending this time 5 days a week with other people's kids and I see mine on the weekends.
I never saw my life happening like this, I didn't think I would hit rock bottom so hard, I didn't think I'd ever spend two years of my life struggling to find a reason to breathe. An I fought so hard to get out of there, to get back to healthy and the work only starts there. There's a giant hole I dug for myself when I had no presence of mind for the consequences and it's so hard not to hate myself, not to live buried in regret and shame.
I feel like I have failed, so utterly. An I have to fight to love myself, to be the person my children deserve, and some days it feels like everything is working against me. But I'm trying.

Hi, i’m going to be sharing my story with bullying, how it affected me and how i’ve grown since then. I would like to remain anonymous for personal reasons.
For some reason i’ve always been a target for bullying, i’m not really sure why but i just was. I was bullied my entire school life from elementary all the way up to high school, hs was when the bullying affected me more. I’ve always tried my best to be a kind and helpful person towards people and i think that’s what people used against me and they hated me for it. I was always a quiet kid even today i’ve always been quiet, i’ve never been popular or had a big group of friends, i was a good kid that stayed out of trouble and did my best to achieve good grades. Since i was not like other kids people picked on me and made me feel like i was odd and different, of course it hurt me but when i was a kid i sorta brushed it off. Moving into high school like i said the bullying got worse, from freshman to senior year i was bullied by the same group of people but mainly this one girl. They would take pictures of me and post them online making fun of me, they would call me names and make me feel worthless.
In my Junior year the bullying happened every day, every day i would dread going to school because i wanted it all to stop, there would be constant rumors about me but i could never defend myself because i never really had that many friends so i was alone it felt like. My mental health would deteriorate day by day because of these people and i got to the point where i wanted to end my life. I was never overweight for my age i’ve always been a healthy weight but that just wasn’t good enough for these people, they would post pictures of me calling me fat and ugly and that i’m a whore which I’m not sure why i’ve never even had a boyfriend or really been around many boys. When I saw those posts that was the end of it for me i thought, on September 19 exactly 3 months before my birthday i attempted suicide, of course it was a fail but that’s when my mother took action.
My mom is a good woman and she’s always protected me, when she heard about me being bullied she took me out of school and i was put in an online program so i didn’t have to see those people again. Doing online school really improved my mental health and well being, once i went online i stopped taking depression, anxiety and adhd medication because i felt like i didn’t need it anymore, i was doing good. I did online school for the rest of my junior year and all of my senior year, during a part of my online school in junior year some of those people attempted to cyber bully me and they tried and tried for months and guess what.. i deleted my accounts on social media and never looked back.
Ever since then i’ve focused on myself, i’ve been eating healthier and exercising. Having no social media also really helped me because those people couldn’t see me in person or contact me online anymore so i knew those people couldn’t hurt me again. As much as i HATED being bullied i’m glad it happened because it shaped me into the person i am today. I’ve gotten stronger and being bullied really opened me up to the fact that not everyone is your friend and not everyone is going to like you.
Bullying someone is the most miserable thing you can do to someone, you hate your own life so you feel the need to ruin someone else’s to feel better about your self, you see how pathetic that sounds.
I promise you being bullied is just something that happens in life but NEVER let it control you and your emotions, you’re so much stronger and better than those people so forget them they’re sad losers.
Sorry this was long i just wanted to put my story out there so people know they’re not alone.
If you’re being bullied tell a trusted adult, block those people from your life and never give in to them.

What happened:
So, the other day, (Sunday), Chome was being really slow and laggy, so I closed a few tabs until there were only one or two tabs open. That didn't fix the lag, so I closed Chrome and restarted my laptop (Windows 11, if relevant).
When I opened it back up, it obviously updated, because the 'new update available' icon wasn't visible in the top right anymore (I hadn't closed chrome for a while at that point, so it never updated until then).
However, I quickly noticed that the background I use wasn't loading, and my shortcuts were replaced by websites I requently visit or just recently visited. The middle search bar was also missing. This weirded me out, so i typed a few discriptors into the top search bar to see if it had anything to do with a new update or something.
When the results came up, they were on yahoo! and not google. This caused me to immediately panic, because I had just installed Bluestacks on my laptop (which, as far as I know, has a bit of a bad reputation when it comes to being safe, at least on Reddit), and I have had the unfortunate experience of having downloaded a trojan and a browser hijacker on my pc before (different device, in case you're wondering).
I then noticed the yahoo! icon to the left of the top search bar. My immediate thoughts were that it was a browser hijacker that came or was introduced by installing Bluestacks. I immediately deleted everything Bluestacks (all the .exes, folders, everything that came with it), or at least everything I could find that was related to it. I deleted it permanently, and removed the program from control panel. There was a file or two that I needed to look up in order to delete, but it's gone now.
After doing a bit of searching on Microsoft Bing (I have it on my computer and I didn't feel safe using Chrome/Yahoo!) I restored my Chrome to default settings and it seemed to remove the yahoo thing (and my background, but I wan't that upset about it because it was one of the ones in the google collection thing) and my shortcuts turned back to normal. Basically, everything at this point turned back to normal.
Afterwards:
I then started to do a little bit more digging to find if there was anything about this effect/bug/thing. I found the thing in chrome that allows you to change search engines. When I toggled it to yahoo! the icon on the top search bar thing was replicated, but it just showed the default yahoo! screen instead of the bugged screen I saw prior to defaulting my settings.
I noted that the yahoo thing didn't mess with incognito (I tested it, while I didn't search anything on incognito when the bug occured, the icon thing in the top search bar wasn't there). I also had my school account as a Chrome profile for easier access while doing school homework. I opened that up, and it seemed to be normal.
To be clear, all of the above paragraph occured during the bug, prior to the reset.^^^
I messed a bit with the other search engines to see if I could replicate the bugged screen. While on my regular account it seemed to bring me to the default page of the search engine (yahoo, yandex, etc.), on my school account (where many things are blocked, three of the search engines were blocked but that doesn't matter that much to me), and I managed to get something close to the bugged screen with yandex *(first image I included in this post).
Yesterday, I managed to find a reddit post that included an image of a screen that looked almost completely identical to what my bugged screen looked like, except it was red (which I assume had something to do with their theme, and not any bug).
The post: https://www.reddit.com/chrome/comments/vxih28/chrome_browser_crashed_and_now_it_looks_like_this/
What I need help with:
As this incident freaked me out a bit, I want to know what caused it and if it is still on my computer and will reoccur or something, or if it was a one-off bug. Obviously I'm not a professional or anything, and I just wanted to see if anyone on this reddit knew what this was and if I should be concerned or not.
My take:
After a bit of investigation after the incident, I got mostly that it was one of three possibilities.
Firstly, that it was a bug caused by new updates (again, hadn't updated Chrome for a period of time before this incident), and not anything malicious.
Secondly, it was caused by me downloading Bluestacks, causing malware to fiddle its way into my computer. I scanned it (my computer) with Windows Defender and Malwarebytes Premium Trial, and nothing came up. I also uninstalled Bluestacks quickly after I discovered this problem (not saying that this wasn't the case, but just stating measures I took that could affect the probability of this being the problem.
Thirdly, it was an extension. Okay, there are kinda two possibilities here too, but one is far more likely than the other.
First, the less likely possibility, there is some sort of malicious extension on my chrome browser that caused the issue. However, I don't have any extensions that may be malicious: Malwarebytes, Kindle, Return Youtube Dislke (which I deleted after this incident), Google Docs Offline, uBlock Origin, and Mcafee WebAdvisor (which is my next point).
Second, the more likely possibility, is that it was Mcafee changing my browser. I've only heard about it on reddit posts, but apparently it was a larger(?) problem 2 years ago? I haven't seen any image of this to know what it looks life to be sure but it is a possibility that it was Mcafee WebAdvisor that caused this problem (which I'm okay with, if this was because of Mcafee- cause it's not going to harm me like a virus would).
~~~
If anyone could help me out, I would very appreciate it. I apologize for the long (essay) post, but I wanted to make as many details as clear as possible. If you know anywhere that this post could also be posted to, and that you believe I would get a better or more accurate answer, please inform me.

Introduction

There was a post that was recently posted and it's been asked a ton: "How do I get a computer science related job after I graduate from KSU?". I thought I'd share this with everyone because I've been down this path and managed to make it on the other side. This will be a long explanation and hopefully, can serve as some sort of guide for students. That being said, things are subjective and this is not the holy grail of how to make it. You might find all, some or none of it useful. I encourage testimonials and whatnot in the comments. Can be applied to all majors but, this primary for technology-based majors since I am in tech field. YMMV

About Me

I've been around here for a while. I was a student not too long ago, studied computer science for my bachelors. After graduating, I work in FAANG and have worked in big tech for a while. No, I don't work at Amazon. I am a senior software engineer. I touch frontend & backend technologies. I participate in hiring frequently.

Starting Out

Over the years and while attending here, there's been a weird disconnect between students, goals and how to achieve them in tech. Goals can be anywhere from learning new technologies, getting internships to securing a full time job before or after you graduate. As much as I would love for there to be a path where you can do minimum effort and still succeed, there isn't. A lot of you seem to not realize that. Getting a degree in this field is not enough. Doing projects that show no passion / interests is not enough. Being stuck on tutorials for years is not enough.
This field is much like a sport. There are very few people that can just be great without any effort. You have to be consistent. Four years is not a lot of time. It goes by super fast. If you constantly push things back and you do not take the time to learn the fundamentals outside the classroom, you will not succeed in this field. This field is at a point where there's so many of you. Every post on LinkedIn and news articles said "hey, this field is a gold mine and you'll make six figures out the gate". For a time, maybe that was somewhat true. As of writing this, it's not. You're going against people who have: better schools, better experience, etc. You have to find a way to diversify yourself early. If you can't diversify, you're going to be in a tough place later down the road. Knowledge not something you can just consume in less than an hour and pass an interview. You have to know it well. If you don't, there's someone else who will.
There's an interesting connotation in life that you're either born super smart or an absolute idiot and that you have to be smart to do computer science / programming. There are people with raw IQ that can consume things like no one you've ever met but, that's such a rarity that there's no realistic use in using that as a data point. If you ever took the time to ask someone who you thought was really good at something, they would tell you something along the lines of: I love what I do and I spent a lot of time doing this. There are hours and hours of time people put into passions that you don't / will never see. Meaning that they can no-life this shit for days on end and still come back and do it some more. It doesn't mean that you can't succeed if don't do that but, computing / programming is a very boring field if you do not enjoy it. I would seriously contemplate why you're going through this. If you're doing it for money and only money, you're going to end up miserable. No amount of money can make you do something you hate. It'll wear you down both mentally and physically. If you're doing this because it's a mix of passion and money, you're like everyone else and you gave yourself a better shot. It's a mental thing. Don't climb uphill if you rather sit at the bottom. Don't complain if you're at the bottom and you rather be at the top. There's nothing wrong with that. But, don't do it. For what it's worth, I am not the smartest person. I graduated high school with a low GPA and took college seriously because I wanted to do more with my life. Plus, being on hourly forever sounds horrible imo. Use the opportunities that life has given to you and run with it. Run far, run smart and run in a direction that you can see yourself going long-term.
Additionally, college is what you make of it. Blaming professors or the program (while I do agree sometimes) is not a solution. Blaming professors that don't speak English is a cop out. If you work in tech, you'll be interacting with a lot of people from other countries. Suck it up. Work with it instead of against it. Professors and TAs can only teach you so much. Classes are meant to give you a taste of what it's like in that domain / space. It's not meant to fix all your issues and show you the way. That's for you to do on your own time. Take accountability of your own success, explore the internet (it's free) and lock in. Stop looking for opportunities to find you. Actively seek them out yourself.

Networking

Make connections with people. I cannot stress how important this is. Especially on the Marietta campus, there's a lot of you that go to class, stingers / food, run to class and immediately start gaming and think that when your classes are over, you're done for the day. That's a bad mindset. Make connections with people. Sit with random people at stingers or wherever. Have a conversation. Find a common interest. Don't harass men / women for a date while you're at it. Keep it cool. A lot of people say "there's nothing to do at KSU and there's no life on campus". That's not true at all. It's true if you choose to put your head in a box and refuse to look up. Join a club that interests you. Get close to the people in that club who actively attend and build a personal relationship. If there's no club with your interest, make a club. Fuck it, lead one. You can make one officially through KSU or add a discord server to the student hub and go from there. You'll meet some really cool like-minded people. Lots of my connections have come from randomly showing up to a club, getting out of my comfort zone and weirdly enjoying it.

Interviewing

Brush up on your interview skills. Technical and behavioral abilities matter. Culture fit matters. A lot of you seem to walk around with almost zero personal hygiene. Clean yourself up, practice talking to people and get places. There's been this stigma that culture fit doesn't matter as much as technical and if I have great technical abilities, they'll just accept me. I can tell you for an absolutely fact that I have thrown out / tossed out resumes from highly technical individuals that had zero people skills. If you can't communicate and clean up, you're more of a risk than someone who does all those things and has a bit less technical ability. I can teach someone how to code. I can't teach someone how to take a shower or brush their teeth. Know more than just Leetcode. Learn system design. Take a course / watch a video on Linux and bash. Do not be afraid of the command line interface. Understand how things work at a deeper level. Take feedback seriously. Do not argue with people. If you future manager / colleague tells you that you need to work on things, work on those things. There's nothing worse than a co-worker in denial.

Jobs

As for internships and full time opportunities, there's a few classes at KSU that you really want to master: Data structures, Algorithm Analysis, Operating Systems and Discrete math. If you're in a major that doesn't have those classes, spend the extra money and take those classes. Do not take them online if you can afford to come in person. Take the hardest / best professors for those courses. Super important. Leetcode is quite literally, those classes merged together in a prompt-style format. If you do not understand those concepts, you will not make it in this field let alone pass an interview loop.
Data Structures - Varies. Rate my professor.
Algorithm Analysis - Varies. Rate my professor.
Operating Systems - Do not take Carla McManus if you want to learn the concepts fluently.
Discrete Math - Andy Wilson.
Having solid resume is super important. Many people who don't secure things and get automatically rejected, etc have horrible resumes. Spend the money (it's a lot) to get your resume professionally written. It's worth it. Invest in your long term career aspirations. Templates are cool but, they don't convey information well and come across as lazy. Don't put every achievement ever on there. I don't want to see a wall of text. No, I don't care if you're a Boy Scout. No, I don't care if you bussed tables in high school. You get the point. The rule of "only one page" is complete and total bullshit. If you have projects and prior work experience related to the role, list it down. Don't conserve space for the sake of keeping it one page. You're limiting yourself. I know the career center actively tells people on handshake to keep it to one page. They're wrong. I landed internships & full time roles consistently at big tech / FAANG for years with a 1.5 / 2 page resume. Do not lie on your resume. If you can't solve a leetcode hard consistently with the technology / language of choice, you don't know it well enough. I have interviewed a ton of students and people that list they know C or Python and can't write recursion or gives me a solution in O(N^2) or worse. Aim for O(N), use a hashmap / hash table when you can and do it in a language that doesn't make you fight the runtime / compiler. Trust me, we know when you're making shit up. If you don't know something say it and then, tell them to explain more. This way, you show that you have the capability to learn. Ask smart questions. Do not ask questions that have already been answered. Take notes.
On your resume, experience is only real experience if you get a W2. If you don't get a W2, you can't claim it as professional experience. A lot of background checks these days are drilling down on incorrect information. I have seen instances where people lie, get an offer, company finds out through a comprehensive background check and their offer is gone. Do not put the fate of your future income on a lie. I cannot stress this enough. A lot of students and people actively lie.
Secondly, the trick to getting a good internship is timing. A lot of you wait until Nov - Dec to find an internship and then, throw your hands up when no one responds. That's not a good mindset. Solid internships are recruiting in end of July to August. By September, the amount of open spots are extremely thin. Local companies tend to look for internships during this time. Internships are about luck after that. Reach out to people in your circle to increase your odds. A referral goes a long way. Prior experience through projects that are complex and unique go a long way. It's a numbers game. Don't aim for the highest thing ever without some sort of referral. You can still apply but, do not expect much from it. Start small and work your way up. It's extremely rare to go from KSU undergrad sophomore to Google. It takes a lot of outside work. If you happen to land the internship, make sure that you get recommendations at the end. Having real people who you worked with in a professional capacity that can vouch for you is huge. If you're in your junior year and you get an internship, make sure you try to secure a full time offer. Loop in your boss, mentor, etc. Make your expectations clear. Reach their expectations and beyond.
Thirdly, full time opportunities are rare and most new grads that get hired come from the previous year's intern pool. If you don't get converted, you have to make up that time searching for a job during your senior year. If you do get converted, keep looking because companies are flaky these days. Always have a Plan B & C. Never fully count on Plan A. If you don't have internships across four years, it's over for you. From a hiring manager perspective, it's an absolute red flag when we come across someone with a degree and no internships. That's effectively going against the point of college. You'll have to settle for crumbs and crawl your way up. Very few make it out of that hole. The bar is significantly higher. Especially, now.

Searching for an Opportunity

Do not wait until after you graduate to find a job. Jan - Early May are when most companies finalize budgets and hire. If you wait until after May, you'll might have to wait until after the Summer and possibly, October for hiring to pick up again. Proactivity is nothing but good for you. If you can't be proactive then, you won't succeed in this field. Referrals matter but, personal connections with the hiring manager / recruiter are much, much better. Work your way up. Don't discount an opportunity because it doesn't pay well. Get as much experience as you can and bounce around. Do not go into the gate thinking you're going to make $120K - $140K / yr out the gate. You're most-likely going to make $68K - $75K / yr depending on the location. Do not listen to LinkedIn posts that claim all this cool shit and how to do it. Trust me, it's bullshit. Don't pay attention to it. It's a brag-fest. It's a long road. Start walking on it early and you'll reach the other side when it matters most. Trust in it.
The reality of this economy is that highly experience people have been laid off. Those people are applying to entry level roles and those roles are being filled for cheap. In addition, watch out for fake postings and scam jobs. If you take a contract job, always keep looking. Avoid jobs that will providing "training" before you even start. Avoid jobs that are less than week old. You want things that are fresh. It's a numbers game. Apply for 300+ jobs every week until you get a response back. Don't be discouraged by employers who don't respond or ghost you. Keep at it. It's a mental game.

Conclusion

I think if you do these things, you'll end up at a great spot after four years. If you're just now coming across this and you've been slacking, use this an opportunity to wake the fuck up, light a fire under your ass and lock in. If you're still in denial after reading this post and you have yet to get anything, light a fire under your ass, come to terms with it and lock in.
If you're in it to do zero work, cheat on your classes, mess around for four years and somehow wing a high salary or a job in this field, good luck. You're fucked. You're so fucked, in-fact, that you'll be wondering "why me and why is it so hard" for a long ass time. Don't be that person.

Cool Resources

Git - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvUiKWv2-C0
Github (use this as your portfolio; web devs should make an actual clean website) - https://github.com
Github Student Pack (tons of free resources) - https://education.github.com/pack
Linux Handbook - https://linuxhandbook.com/ Linux Quickguide - https://github.com/mikeroyal/Linux-Guide
Lots of subreddits geared around linux and programming. Great resources to find.
Understand: Kernel Space vs. User Space, Memory Allocation / Deallocation, Bitwise Operations, Memory blocks, processes and threads, context switching
System Design Primer - https://github.com/donnemartin/system-design-primer
Understand: Monolith vs. Micro-services, Tradeoffs between different approaches, Vertical vs. Horizontal Scaling, Load Balancers, Buckets, Data lakes, CI / CD Pipelines, Data Clusters, Client-Server Architecture, Synchronous vs. Asynchronous Context: System design is like a giant puzzle that has many forms. Create a basic design. It won't be perfect. Mix-and-match different services and know why, how and tradeoffs between each approach.
Programming language is dependent on the role and what the company favors. Common ones are Java, C++, Python, C#, JavaScript / TypeScript and C. You can look at jobs that you would like to work someday, look at the requirements and use that as a basis on where to start learning. Things constantly change. Fundamentals build up on each other. Start small. Work your way up. Do not dream big. Dream realistic. Everyone is different.

Hi there, long time lurker (since DDay last december) here but first time poster! Before I make this post, I want to clarify that I will be using the correct jargon and abbreviations for this subreddit, although I am still not sure wether my story belongs here. So here goes!
Me (31F), the BP and my WP (30M) have been together for 4 years now. December 2023 I caught my WP in what I believe was a starting EA. I had suspicions for while though, since it started in May 2022. Things were odd in my opinion, but I've also found it wasn't anything like most stories i'd read of EA's and nevee thought it was just me being silly.
WP was finishing his degree and he had half a year of a curriculum to follow still, with a new school and classmates. He found a friend group (all around 19/20 years old) there that he enjoyed hanging out with. Total of 4 guys (including him) and 2 girls. The curriculum ended with a 4-day schooltrip, after which he started acting weird. He was glued to his phone and distant. So much so that he ruined our anniversary dinner. He was completely distant, and when i suggested annoyingly that we might as well just leave, his response was "sure." And so we did.
I got tired of this behaviour and confronted him with it. It then came out that it was because it was a very emotional trip, where he revealed some traume about himself to his classmates, and didnt know how to reveal it to me and was afraid. I found this very strange as I did not see the connection to his distant behaviour in that. I won't go into detail but i personally did not find it anything to be ashamed of. As far as I know nothing happened there (though now, I will never know I guess), only that it was very much some teenager frat party for the entire trip.
Over the next 1,5 years from that trip in May 2022, WP and this group of friends stayed in contact. It wasn't much, and they'd see each other every 2 or 3 months, but WP did have considerably more text conact with one girl (AP), although it wasn't as much as most EA stories I read, like once a month (much more right after the trip though). Whenever he'd meet the friend group, WP would make it a thing to avoid inviting me. I'd seen them only twice in that whole time. He would either inform me a week before the meetup he was gonna go there, without invitation, or let me know right before or not at all (i later found in text messages, on meetups that never happened). It was always with the group though.
Don't get me wrong, I probably would've declined invitations anyway as they were way too young imo, but that fact he went out of is way to not include me was odd. Besides that i absolutely believe its healthy to also have friend alone time besides partner. But still, it struck me as strange.
This went on until he told me beginning of last december he was going for a weekend away with them at some point. His behaviour was beyond weird and awkward, as if he was asking his mom something he knew the answer was gonna be 'no' to. Thats when, a week later, i needed his phone for something, and it urged me to check messages with AP.
There it became apparant they had a much closer bond, albeit the little contact. There was mostly joking, but also some flirtation, mostly from her side. I found it during the 4 day school trip she had been telling him that people were gossiping because she supposedly was in love with him, and looking at hime alot and asked him if he minded the gossip. WP's response was "pff i dont care, ill look back at you like im in love, let them talk". There was also alot of venting from her about her bf, and him being the support for it all. I used to admire WP's need to help others, now it just makes me wanna vomit.
In the more recent convo's between them she was telling him to ask my permission for a weekend away, which is strange imo as friends, to do that. She started joking abouy skinny dippinh after. After that she was venting about the break up between her bf and her, how she was so "sex deprived" after a week, WP was happily joking along🙄 until she suggested that she'd get her fix with WP. WP's answer was ambigious, in our language it could equally mean "too bad for you I am taken" or "unfortunately I am taken already". AP reacted somewhere along the lines of "im only joking you know that😘😘😘". WP replied "i know babez😘"
Had read most of it at this point and had enough. I confronted him 2 weeks later. What followed was me yelling and crying, and him trying to explain everything with logic. Not once did he reassure or comfort me. Not until I asked him to. He didn't cut contact with AP immediately, but did so a week later. He decided that on his own and decided to do it when we were both at work. It was another stab in the back because it felt like he just wanted to control the narrative. I did check his phone at this time and he started deleting stuff, he also wasn't fully aware what I knew at this point (mind you he never deleted stuff before and phones were always open for each other) I asked him multiplie times if he wasnt deleting and lying about stuff, in comes the TT, lying and denying🙄. It wasn't until i mentioned, multiple times that I knew he was deleting and lying about stuff. His response "ohyeah, no i remember i did delete some stuff". He never fully aknowledged his betrayal, nor his TT and lying. He did fully block AP, went NC, as well as with the entire friend group, but he has done nothing to fix this. He keeps saying "he doesn't know how to fix it", even though he shows remorse and says he never wanted AP or meant anything with it, i guess throwing away our relationship meant less then "anything" then if thats the case. I feel like it's not my problem to fix, he has google and other resources to try and find a way but he just doesn't.
I am hurt, humiliated and angry. He has done nothing right in this proces, i feel. He has been rugsweeping, not been transparant, went NC with AP by blaming himself and coddling her. blocked her. Unblocked her again and then blocked again. Ofcourse no visible messages, but i cannot no for sure there werent any. AP's last message to WP was "i hope ill talk to you again at school XYZ". So apparantly they had discussed going there together next, something i knew nothing of while I was trying to help him find a good next school (which he was always dismissing, now i know why). I feel my resentment for him grow, even though he has been more sweet to me lately. I feel he has not even acknowledged the gravity of what he has done to me. The only thing he did 'right' was voluntarily telling me he gave AP a neck massage once at one of these meetups, I did not know at all. Apparantly she messaged him after rather flirtasiously afterwards, which was deleted.
We are not in IC or CC, as our workschedules don't allow it, though, to be fair he has not initiated it either and I also refuse to do it myself. Sometimes i even doubt this was an EA and it's in my head, but the pain is very very real. Advice is welcome, thank you and sorry for the long read<3
EDIT: I forgot to add that WP did explain his avoidance behaviour and clingyness to this group, he felt like he could finally be the center of attention there, since he couldnt with me and my friends, especially since im an extrovert and WP is an introvert. Thats why he never wanted me with these meetups. Also because he moved from pretty far to my place and these where the only friends who werent 2 hours away

I’ve been dating this girl for the past two months, and i like her very much, so much that I have never felt this way about anyone in such a short span of time before and she feels the same way for me too. Now, she had this male friend from her hometown, who was coming to visit her and to stay at her place for 3-4 days; she had made this plan with him back in December, before she and I had even met. Now, she had a slight history with him back in their school days, he used to like her and they had kissed once in school, but she did not want things to go any further, so she told him that they should stop and they did, but then he started to spread some rumours about her, and she found out and she confronted him and he accepted and apologised, and they became friends again, they continued their friendship for about 5 years. Now my girlfriend told me that back in November, she had flirted with him a little on and off but again stopped because she realised what she was doing was not right as she was in a relationship back then(although it was on the verge of ending, but still obviously it was massively wrong on her part to even lightly flirt with another guy while being in a relationship,anyway that’s another thing). We had this big argument because obviously i was not comfortable with him coming and staying over after getting to know about this history, but ultimately we talked about it and made peace with it because it was a plan made long back and I did not want to be too rigid myself. So he came, and he started behaving weirdly towards her, even though he knew about me, he was trying to flirt with her, was changing his clothes in front of her even though she told him to go and change inside multiple times, he still did not. He constantly was saying flirtatious things to her and so on. She told me all of this that very night on the phone, And i got super mad and angry, i wanted to physically hurt him, but she calmed me down by saying that she would talk to him in the morning and would tell him to go back to where he came from and in the meantime she would come to stay with me at my place. And that is exactly what happened, she did the same and he agreed to go back quietly . I was still mad and i wanted to beat him up but she calmed me down at my place. He went back after a day and a half to his hometown. Now, it has been 4-5 days since he went back and my girlfriend told me yesterday that he also grabbed her hand while they were strolling around a street, she instantly pulled her hand back and said to him expressively “ what are you doing?” He smirked and moved on, she got very very uncomfortable and She was very quiet around him the whole time even after they went back to her place;she got so uncomfortable she did not even go in the same room as him; she stayed in her living space and was talking to me on text the whole time and again he was doing these weird things like trying to peek inside her phone to see what she was doing and so on. Now, after hearing all of this I’ve gotten this wave of anger inside of me, all i can think of me is going to his city with a bunch of my people and slapping the shit out of him, because i feel like she got physically uncomfortable and i have to do something about it. And that guy needs to realise what he did. Because he has no realisation, he did not even apologise to her after everything she told him and my girlfriend’s flatmate told her that he was roaming around with an attitude for the one day he was there at her flat alone. Now what should i do in this situation? I’m in a conflict, she simply does not want me to do anything, she says he’s out of her life forever, she’s gonna block him from everywhere, he’s out, she says that’s enough, nothing else needs to be done, but I’ve gotten all restless and mad, this thought of beating him up is not leaving my head, how could he make her feel Uncomfortable and get away like that without even realising what he did and without even apologising to her, after coming to stay at her place, how can he make her feel uncomfortable and walk away? I’m constantly having all of these thoughts in my head, i feel like it’s my intrinsic duty to protect her, but obviously there are possible consequences of beating him up, what should i do, because this is seriously messing with my brain, I’m an overthinker and this is messing with my brain, please share your advice.

Hey Reddit,
I don’t normally post like this—hell, I never post with my porn account—but I’m especially lost right now. Two years ago, I got into a doctoral program for English lit, thinking it was what I wanted for my career. I’ve always excelled in school, so grad school would be a cinch! I got BAs in English and Creative Writing during undergrad, and it was some of the most rewarding work I’ve ever done. Grad school has been two years of (what feels like) a continuous mental health crisis, and today I may have wasted my last chance to get out with a degree.
I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life (medicated for six years), but after moving away to school, I very quickly spun off the rails. I was the furthest from home I had ever been, away from family and friends and my support network. My relationship with booze and weed, which had been casual, became habitual. I’m not the most social person to begin with, but the isolated lifestyle of grad school made it worse than I could have imagined. The only friends I had were in my cohort, and their being somewhere in between coworker and friend made it difficult to speak with them candidly about my struggles. After all, they had the same workload that I did, so complaining felt stupid, and sharing the extent of how bad shit had gotten seemed like it would be a one-way ticket to a grippy socks vacation.
Frankly, I should probably have gone on that vacation. I could still use one. There hasn’t been a day gone by since, like, October 2022 that I haven’t thought about killing myself. Most of the time it isn’t active, just your typical ideation like “Oh, grad school makes me want to die lol.” One of my favorite recurring ideations is hurling myself into an industrial woodchipper like in Fargo—it’s so ridiculously violent that it usually snaps me right out of my funk. Where would I even find an industrial woodchipper?
It’s gotten worse lately though. This winter was bad. I’d fantasize about finding the nearest Wal-mart and exercising my constitutional right to purchase a firearm, driving to one of the many nearby beautiful state parks that I was never able to find time to go visit during the semester, and blowing my brains out. When I realized that I needed to give my family some plausible deniability for my suicide so they could grieve my loss rather than my decision, I’d fantasize instead about “losing control” on the highway. I hoped the seatbelt would take my head and launch it straight out the windshield. Or I’d fantasize about pulling a Christopher Supertramp and just leaving without warning to fuck off and die in the woods—not violently, but by something that looked natural. God, what I wouldn’t give to be devoured by a bear.
All of these options were moot though, as I was too anxious to leave my house and drive for groceries for the entirety of March and April. Can’t drive yourself off a bridge if you’re too afraid to drive. Fret not though, friends—I’m back home with family now, stable and safe, and I no longer feel the pull of the void quite so strongly as I did at school.
Anyways, the workload was like nothing I had experienced in undergrad, and even though I knew it was going to be a lot of work, I thought I could keep up.
I was wrong.
I really gave it my best effort that first semester. I prepped each class I taught as a TA excessively, answered student emails within five minutes of receiving them. I started every other day with an anxiety vomit, but I went to class. I did my best to read everything assigned to me. I threw myself at Foucault and Derrida and fuckin Homi Bhabha and the 40 other opaque critical theorists they had us read, and I struggled through them to the best of my ability, but I never seemed to be on the same page as anyone else, so I found it more and more difficult to speak up in class until I stopped speaking entirely. Still, I wrote the 75 pages of critical writing they assign to us in the last week of the semester. I barely slept and hardly ate. I wrote what I thought they wanted, did my best to model myself after what we had read.
They told me that my efforts were disappointing, that my work “barely qualified” as critical writing. I think part of me died when I got that feedback. I got the impression, at least from the instructor who told me I barely qualified, that I had disrespected them on a professional and personal level. I come from a creative writing background, so I tend to inject personality and voice into whatever I write. Both my peers and other faculty I’ve discussed this feedback with agree that the paper (while definitely not fully formed) did not warrant that level of harshness, but it broke something in me.
I kept up for most of the second semester, but by the time those end-of-semester essays rolled around, I felt a writer’s block like I had never felt before. It wasn’t the sort that went away if I forced myself to write through it, like every other time I’d felt the block before. No, this was debilitating. I was paralyzed. I tried chipping away at it, and I tried tricking myself into writing by telling myself I was just taking notes. None of my old tricks worked, even that time-honored tradition of putting my back to the wall by waiting until the deadline and writing manic, anxiety-fueled bullshit. Every time I had ever faced something like this before—a mountain of writing that I didn’t want to do—I eventually slipped into gear and got it done.
It didn’t happen. For the first time in my life, I didn’t complete a final essay. I just couldn’t force myself to give a fuck. I couldn’t give a fuck about my work, about my grades, about my reputation at the university, about my future career, about my future continued existence. At some point, I became apathetic to my life and the world around me, but still, I pressed on because it was the only thing I thought I could do. One does not just get accepted into a fully-funded graduate program every day, you know, and I’d never forgive myself if I gave up on it so quickly. That’s what I was told, at least. Beyond that, I didn’t want to disappoint my friends and family and everyone who helped me get to grad school.
So I stuck with it, finished the essay and came back after the summer, and after forcing myself through the fall semester, I didn’t complete two final essays. My untreated burnout got worse. Imagine that! At the beginning of this semester, I made the decision to drop from the PhD track, cut my losses and get an MA. All I needed to do was finish one course this semester, one measly 25 page essay about the fucking kinetoscope, but I couldn’t do it. All I did this past semester was smoke myself stupid, play video games, and wish that I was dead. I spent months lying to my parents and my therapist, telling them both that while everything wasn’t fine, I was persevering and making progress. I’ve shared a little with my mom, now that I’m home and shit’s gone sideways, but all she did was cry and ask if I need to be taken to the ER. Nobody wants to make mom cry, and the last thing I fucking want is medical debt.
My deadline—the “missing this deadline will result in dismissal from the program” deadline—was today at noon, and I missed it. I have ten pages written, and I could finish it today if my brain wasn’t fucking broken, but instead I’ve written a confession to Reddit. I’ve emailed my DGS and will hear his verdict tomorrow morning, but honestly? I could fight for it, but don’t think I care anymore. I’ve been suffering for two years, and I don’t know if a master’s degree is worth it. This degree won’t make me happy—my depression brain says that nothing will, but I know that isn’t true. I wanted the MA so I could teach at a community college because that feels much closer to praxis than jerking off to Frantz Fanon until I get tenure, but I’m not even sure if I like teaching or if it was just the least of all evils I had to deal with as a grad student. (Lowkey, Fanon is probably the way to go if we’re jerking off to critical theorists, but I digress)
So Reddit, what do I do with my life? I’m a 25 year old burn out who 1) may have just lost their big shot at a slightly less worthless degree than the one they got in undergrad 2) just moved back in with their parents to a dead-end Midwest town 3) has few marketable skills and little job experience because they’ve been in academia hell for two years 4) has not had a relationship in even longer than that and 5) is generally a/pathetic.
Ending it isn’t on the table, so what do I do? Has anyone here gone through something like this? How can I rediscover my lust for life and letters? Where have you found your passion?
EDIT: forgot you needed two returns between paragraphs

I AM NOT THE OOP
OOP is u/Alternative_Bat5026 posting in EntitledPeople
1 update - Medium
Original - May 10, 2024
Update - May 11, 2024
[Posting note: Slight grammar editing for readability]
Pill Poacher. What do I do now???
I've commented on a few posts, but this is my 1st actual post. Canadian 53F
Hold on for a long ride.
I've had arthritis since I was a teenager. I tried not to take painkillers early on, as I know it can be a vicious cycle of having to increase the dosage all the time. However, I've gotten to the point of no choice anymore. The pain makes me cry when I wake up and that's with the ever-increasing dosages. I've had 3 joint replacement surgeries (L Hip, R Knee & R Shoulder) and require the other 3 surgeries, not to mention, my spine is full of arthritis and degenerating discs. So my pain meds are very necessary.
A little more background (Sorry).
So I live in a basement apartment (I have a chairlift). Last year, I had new neighbours move in. They seemed like a nice couple and offered to help me out when I needed it. I was paying them to help clean and such, but I stopped when I found I was paying for them and not much was getting done. Not to mention that they owe me money they borrowed (I know, I'm stupid) and their half of cable (for the last year!!!). Oh and I'm letting them drive my car right now, because I can't yet and I didn't want it sitting. I know, I know.
So in February, I noticed that I was missing pain meds, a lot of pain meds. I was lucky my Dr was understanding, but I still got shorted about 10 days out of 60 days, as I had a 2-month supply. I couldn't accuse anyone, because I couldn't prove it and maybe I did make a mistake (but I was sure I was right). Anywho, that made me have to go through a total reverse shoulder replacement surgery without my proper meds (not a happy camper).
On to the other day. I was supposed to have an appointment with my physiotherapist and I guess I messed up the date and asked if my neighbours would pick me up. I got home and I noticed my pill bottle wasn't how I left it and there was a pill on the floor. I lost it. I called them and said I want them back. They didn't even deny it, just put the little bag they filled and said, "Sorry, I hurt my back". I said, "First if you did hurt yourself changing my sheets --I have a really hard time and they are using my car-- you could have at least asked". Then I looked around and realized they still had a lot more of my pills. So I said "The rest or my keys back". They gave me another handful, but I know they have more.
I'm sorry, but where do you get off, stealing someone's medication? I'm sooooo beyond pissed, but worse I'm hurt at this entitlement. I've done so much for them, to be treated like this.
What do I do now???
Edit: I think I fixed the formatting. Sorry about the mix-up.
[Relevant Comments]
CantBelieveThisIsTru:
Get your keys back, or better yet change the locks because pill thieves don’t stop….they just keep on. And I would get some type of cabinet that locks!
Did you ask them: “Why didn’t you go see your doctor and get your own pain meds?”
The answer is probably that they don’t really need them, but are taking them because they are pill heads. Some people will take anything, which is why there are people who OD after buying a pill off someone, and they don’t even know what’s really in it. They may also be selling your meds, and that could get you in trouble for not keeping them out of their ability to access them.
Also, you really need to file a police report, just in case someone gets sick taking your meds. They can just as easily say: “OP GAVE ME THESE MEDS! And since you never reported the theft, you could go to jail.
Charybdes:
I'm guessing they're all this person feels she has. If she is truly in the state she describes and has no one to help, she's kinda stuck...Getting old can be pretty scary.

OP: Thank you. Yes, I am stuck. I moved to take care of my Mother. Unfortunately, my health declined rapidly after she died. I now rent the basement of her old house from the new owner. By the time everything was settled from her estate, I was left here alone and the only person I have is my sick daughter 3 hours away.

OP:
Ok, well I know I got a lot of flack. Yes, I did report it to the Dr and the pharmacy, but without proof, I didn't want to involve the police. Plus I want my money back! If they're in jail, they can't work. I've already told them, that they start paying their 1/2 of cable or I'm cancelling it. They have access because this was a house, divided into 2 apartments. So if I want cable, they get it too. I'll have to figure something else out. Also, I have a door with a latch, but it's remained unlocked because I did say they were helping me. It's very hard and very expensive to get someone in to just change my sheets. I'm trapped because if I cut them off, I'm stuck.
No, I can't afford to move, even though I'd like to move closer to my daughter, who was just diagnosed with MDS which is a form of blood cancer and needs a transplant sometime later this year or early next year.
I have some hard decisions to make. It's just fueled my depression more.
I find I always attract these kinds of people. I'm too caring and too trusting.
Yes. I have hidden my meds a keep them with me when I go out.
Update:
***Update: Pill Poacher**\*
Well if you've been following the adventure, I had my confrontation a few minutes ago.
I'm a heartless old bitch for asking for my cable boxes back as well as my car keys.
Ok, so here's what happened: I got a phone call from my neighbour, stating they were at Subway and did I want a sub on them. At first, I said yes, but then what I wanted wasn't available, and between the call of: "Would you like a sub", and the second call: "They don't have that, do you want something else?"...it clicked, that they were driving my car, which they were only going to use to take their kid to school. I said, "No, nothing thanks". My daughter was on the other line and said, "Get your keys back now".
I waited until they got home and then I texted, "I assume you're in my car, I want my door latched and my keys back". Well the door wouldn't latch, but the landlord's coming tomorrow. I got my keys back. I had asked the husband to latch the door and he said "Oh, now you want help from me". I said "Yes, because I don't want you to be able to come down." Of course, it wouldn't latch, but the snarky comment pissed me off.
So this is where I got nasty and said "I want my cable boxes and wifi and phone back". I got, "But we were splitting it". I said, "Splitting it means both parties pay". Now I'm the monster that took wifi away from his kid.
Now the guilt trip..."All the things we've done for you for free". I said "Free??? With the $2700 I'm going to have to eat and everything you stole, plus what, car rental...how is this FREE???
Anyway, the landlord is coming tomorrow to sort things out and fix my door. And he's selling at the end of the month. He's recommending me to the new owners. Hopefully, I won't have to move, because I can't afford it.
Thank you everyone for all your comments and advice. I'm shaking right now and the future looks scary. I'm broke and was counting on him finally paying me back. With my daughter being so sick, it really sucks right now. I'd love to move back home to be there for her now. Does anybody know where to post a GoFundMe campaign for a cancer patient in need?
Stressed to the core now, been up since 3 am after a 2-hour sleep. I wish this would just go away.
Thanks and take care. Will update if necessary.
[Relevant Comments]
Murky_Tale_1603:
...Also, if your door isn't locking properly, it might be a good idea to block it with a chair, or something that you can move easily in case of emergency, but still maintain your safety until the landlord is able to fix.

OP: It opens into their apartment, so all they have to do is pull. I have my cane if needed. My landlord is a cop, so I'm going to let that play out.

REMINDER: I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL POSTER. DO NOT HARASS THE ORIGINAL POSTER OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST.