Don't get me wrong, NC Blade do a lot of things right. But with that said you may see this on their site:
"Satisfied or refunded 14 day hassle free returns"
What they actually mean is if you're returning it cause they sent you the wrong item, no worries. But for any other reason there will be a minimum 6% fee. Also, you have to get the return APPROVED first.
Read the rest of their policy below and let me know what you think. Yes, they're a small business. But when I think of HASSLE FREE, I think HASSLE FREE! None of the terms below mean hassle free to me unless they're the ones who fucked up. I bought a $700 knife from them which had super strong detente and bad lockup (10% or so). I wanted to return it. They were going to take something like $40 to take it back. A knife that didn't pass QC and I consider defective (considering no other knife I've seen in reviews any of those issues) would've NOT gotten me a full refund. Automatic processing fee of 6% is not hassle free imho. I wasn't satisfied and I wouldn't have been fully refunded. Sounds like lies to me. Here's another good one: "If the item has been carried there will be up to a 30% restocking fee." In another words if you put it in your pocket, you're not getting a full refund. "Satisfied or refunded"? Lies.
PS: Do keep buying on NC Blade but just keep this in mind.
"If the issue is a mistake on our part we will cover the return shipping and have it replaced for another one or refunded. We ONLY send a return label to you for your return shipping if we accidentally send you the wrong item, which should never happen.
If the issue is simply that you changed your mind and do not like the item, simply send it back within 14 days of the item being delivered (We will still need to be notified prior to a return being sent) and we will either:
1. Issue a refund of the original purchase price minus any additional shipping and payment fees (6% processing fee) or
2. Offer store credit e-gift card in the amount of the original purchase price minus any shipping that is not free shipping. Gift cards never expire.
You must send your return/exchange back to us within 2 business days of initiating the request.
Order Cancellations will be charged a 6% payment/processing fee. If the order has shipped using any shipping other than the free shipping option, the shipping fee will not be refunded. If you need to cancel your order shortly after placing it, sometimes we can refund your card payment in full before it has fully processed without a fee. This is because once these charges process in full, the banks do not refund the fees to us for your transaction so we cannot refund that fee as well. If the payment has already processed then the processing fee associated with it will be deducted from your refund given. This does not apply to Sezzle/AfterPay cancellations. They automatically/instantly deduct their payment fee and it does not get refunded. This does not matter if the order was placed 2 minutes ago or 2 days ago. They do not refund their payment fee charged to us for offering their services to you for your order so we can not refund it. Please make sure you want the item before you purchase it.
Returns on Custom knives may incur a 10% restocking fee. There are a lot of fees and shipping costs involved in getting these items to you and with that we cannot cover it on these items.
We must be notified prior to a return being shipped back. Once we receive the item we will issue the appropriate return or exchange as long as it is still New.
Exchanges: Note: If you are wanting to exchange your order for something else and the order has already shipped to you, we must receive it back before sending you your exchange. If you purchase what you want as the exchange via our website instead of contacting us about an exchange process, the order you send back will be processed as a return and fees will apply. (If the item you are exchanging for costs less than the original item you purchased, you will receive store credit for the difference to use in the future.)
Our return window is 14 days after being delivered. If the item is outside of our return window there are NO returns. If the item has been USED at all there are NO returns. If the item has been damaged there are NO returns. There are no exceptions for used and damaged items or items outside of our return window. If you send us back a USED or DAMAGED item we will send it back to you.
If the item has been carried there will be up to a 30% restocking fee. If the item is in the same condition as we sent it to you (new/unused/uncarried) then there is no restocking fee, only a payment/shipping fee as mentioned above.
If the item (box and contents) smells of cigarette smoke when we receive it back there will be an additional 3% fee for odor removal.
Send your return back inside of a shipping BOX. Please DO NOT send your item back inside of a bubble mailer or bag. If you do so we may deduct a fee if the item is damaged in transit from improper care prior to shipping. DO NOT send your item back with a shipping label attached to the manufactures box. Doing so will result in a fee charged for having to replace the box, if we even can. If we cannot get a replacement for your damaged item from your improper care of return shipping we may at our discretion send the item back to you and not accept any return.
Please insure your item for full value that you are sending back to us as sometimes items get lost/damaged in transit by the carriers. We DO NOT cover any damage or lost shipments from the return shipping back to us.
Habitual Returns/Cancellations will result in a 10% cancellation/restocking/processing fee."

Welcome to the Daily NC/NP Trade/Sell & Pet UFA/UFT thread. A new thread will be made every day at midnight NST. Please refrain from posting individual threads and use this thread for your trading purposes!

Items

Remember that you can use Ctrl + F to help you find items you might be interested in! Please use the following specific formats to make it easier for people searching for either NC or NP items.

Format - NP

Please use this format when buying or selling items:
Buying:
item
Selling:
item - price (or link to your shop/trades/auctions)

Format - NC

Seeking:
item(s) or link to wishlist
Offering:
item(s) or link to trade list

Neocash Trading

Please keep in mind that you can ONLY trade Neocash items for other Neocash items and cannot buy them with Neopoints.
To trade an NC item you need a gift box that you receive when redeeming NC cards, opening Gift Box Capsules, or other events. To read more about trading Neocash items check out the Jellyneo guide.
If you're trading NC items, here are a couple of guides to help you out with values and avoid being scammed: ALWAYS KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR WHEN THESE WERE LAST UPDATED AS THEY MAY BE OUTDATED.
Neocash Guide Hub
/~Neocash - Neocash Petpage Hub
/~Helper & /~Cashier - NC Trading Guides
Most Recently Updated Value Guide
/~Owls - NC Wearables A through J
/~OwlsTwo - NC Wearables K through Z
/~Upstairs - Owls, but all on one page without assigned dates
/~Valisar - Non-Wearables
List last updated Nov 27th, 2023

Pets

This also is the place to post all your pets that you are seeking new homes for, whether you're trading or adopting out.
Please post the pet or pets you currently have up for adoption, that you are zapping to adopt out, or that you wish to trade.
You do not have to post the name of the pet or the name of your account if you do not wish, but remember to check your reddit PMs if this is the only means of communication you are allowing!
Please update or edit your comments once you have found a new home for your pets.
For guides and resources, I would check out the following pages:
Pet Trading Guides
/~kalux - General Links and Resources
/~Erizolen - General PC Guide
/~pcguide - Another PC Guide
/~Maureen - Primary UC Trading Tier Guide
/~Tradez & /~Laural - Past UC Trades
/~Applebean - Past BD Trades
Pet Dream Lists
/~ZYDP - Zap Your Dream Pet
/~Eggso - UC Project & UFA UC Listing
/~Hootiolado - H.E.L.P's Dream Pet Listing
/~Moonsis3 - MOON's Dream Pet Listing
/~Clurisa - The Fortunate Ones Adoption and Dream Granting Agency
/~Kiasa - Wondertrade's Dreamy Dreams Directory
Extra Paintbrush Clothes
/Neopets Discord Paint Brush Clothing Spreadsheet
/~Gladiro
/~Kyynator
/~Extrapbclothes
List last updated Nov 27th, 2023

Rules

1. DO NOT mention /neopets or reddit on Neopets in any way.
2. Be excellent to each other, as always.

Hi! My daughter and I play animal crossing together. She is 6, so normally she doesn't play online. But she would like to have a visitor or 2 now and I told her that I would ask if anyone here would like to come and visit.
She will be online for another half houhour. You are welcome to get fruit out of the trees (not sure how much there is atm), fish and catch bugs. Please don't use our veg garden without asking. Also we have Celia in boxes and a few items on the beach for you to take/exchange.
She would like some new or hybrid flowers if you have any, we're quite new to this game so any other help would be appreciated.
Post below for a dodo code in your dm.
Keep in mind that you will be playing with a 6 y old, so this visit will be at a slower pace perhaps and she doesn't speak English so any contact is with me.
Thanks ✌🏻

I've been a nerd since I can remember and never felt like I quite fit in. I played sports, I watched anime, I played computer games, table top games and I still do. I struggled with my mental health growing up and am happy to say I'm in a good place now. I live in a beautiful city and I don't have any toxic people in my life. Turns out when you do that you're not left with many people, including a family which I am at peace with. I struggle to connect with people who haven't had to overcome their own demons, or I have nothing in common with.
I have a good career and I think I'm about to shake it up with the experience I now have under my belt. Moving out of Canada might be in the cards. I have too many hobbies/interests. some I've already alluded to, but others include boxing (doing), mma (watching), singing, building/painting models (Something I've gotten back into lately) and competitive card games (I just got back from tournaments in LA, Ottawa and Vancouver). My PC games of choice lately are League, TFT and Pokemon Showdown if that counts.

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Preface: I live in WA and most of the fashion here is exactly the same across any shopping centre. Very few boutiques, which often sell the same older female clothes. Only interesting boutiques are down south in margs or duns.
I have just left my local Westfield feeling sad and annoyed. Looking for an outfit for a winter wedding and work stuff and came out with only the aftertaste of my coffee.
Nothing is interesting, nothing screams “wow that’s beautiful”. It seems as if all of the retailers buyers went to the same wholesale warehouse and said “I’ll take that shapeless unlined item in basic blah biscotti and that in gloomy greige. Don’t cut off the excess strings, we will add it as a design feature… oh can you do this dress but with a waist where no one would naturally have a waist… we want customers to feel as if they have something wrong with their body… and let’s sell it for $199”.
I used to get soooo excited about Australian fashion but it seems as if they are just rinse repeating what they have in their design archives… l just saw pleather jacket in forever new that I purchased about 10 years ago… it wasn’t even that great then…..
Nothing is creative or exciting, patterns are abysmal… for patterns: it seems as if they went on to adobe stock and said… this is the most granny looking purple paisley pattern… let’s add it to our whole range… it should go in Millers but for fun… let’s put it in Witchery. For colours: the only thing that was interesting was some sweats in country road, everything else are just these off tones of boring and boringer. I saw a dress in Myer that was the most disgusting tone of cream / light beige.. a tone that if someone was that colour… you would assume that they were embalmed or on the verge of dying. Why would anyone wear that?
David jones and Myer are the exact same store. You cannot convince me otherwise. There is no joy in either of those stores. Snooooze.
Gone are days of actual design. And I don’t want to go international designers, but when I look at Ganni, farm rio, free people etc… so much more exiting than the sadness that is Australian design. I don’t need another set of tracksuit pants… I have some… I need fun clothes… items that I go wow that’s a great piece, I’m so glad I purchased that. I’m a lover of spell, tigerlily, etc but that’s just causal style for me. I need some fun vibrant pieces… think Gorman but not poor quality like it is these days.
Anyway… if you have some awesome Aussie brands that aren’t lame quality, box shape, colours or patterns … send them my way. Rant over. Sorry.

Hi all,
I'm aware that this post might make a few people angry, but: I think you should skip classical user research. Hear me out:
I've been helping companies invent new products for about 8 years now. This has resulted in numerous product launches, multiple patents, and lots of (in)validated concepts.
I'm writing this post after reflecting on some of the learnings I've had throughout my career with the hope to provide some help to those looking to land more sales.
Typically, when I've gone about inventing a new product for a company, I've start by going out and talking to users. The process is usually quite linear. Recruit X number of participants from demographic Y, have a 30-45 min call with them, analyze audio/video recording, then synthesize. I've been trained in ethnographic research so a lot of the synthesis is really trying to read between the lines to understand the real "latent" needs of customers.
Latent needs are needs that a customer doesn't explicitly state. To unearth a latent need, you inherently need to use your gut and take a mini leap of faith. If someone is saying they "want a faster horse", you can use your gut to infer that the true underlying need is "to get to where I'm going faster". You might be wrong, but hey, it's a hypothesis.
This is the typical user research process that big companies and agencies use.
But startups aren't big companies. Neither are indie hackers. You don't have the budget to go out to talk to 100 users and give them gift cards, or incentivize them with cash. You need to start selling and you need data now.
Well, it turns out the selling process is VERY similar to the user research process. In a user interview, we might have a discussion guide which is designed to ask key questions that lead to generative insights. In a sales call, we're effectively doing the same, but there is no intent to incentivize the participant (quite the opposite actually). However, the need to follow your gut and infer latent needs is still critical.
As a result, I say: Fellow Indie Hackers, skip the user research and go straight to the sales call! You're still getting out the room to talk to customers, you're still asking generative questions, and you're still learning a lot! The only difference is:
-You're not incentivizing people to talk to you -You're pre-validating the distribution channel because if you can't even find anyone to speak to you, you likely won't find those people later -You get to make mistakes and "get some reps in" before actual high-ticket sales calls -You're testing the latent need hypothesis with the actual market with limited spend
I've found that a lot of founders take the "big company" / agency approach to user research. I think that definitely has its place, and is very useful. However, these companies have resource that Indie Hackers simply don't. I say skip the formalities and get out the room!
It can get a little overwhelming analyzing all those sales calls. After 3 or 4, our memory starts to get a bit fuzzy and I've often found myself wondering "what did that customer last week say about XYZ feature?" or "how many people actually think Z?". It's also easy to start to build confirmation bias after just a few interviews. You start to think you're seeing a trend, but it's just your brain playing tricks on you and getting you to hear what you want to hear.
There's plenty of manual methods you can use to analyze the sales calls, however, it takes a LOT of time to sift through all the conversations and it's hard to stay unbiased. Our team has built a tool called InsightLab (www.insightlab.ca) that can help you analyze not just user interviews, but also sales calls. Simply upload your audio/video recordings, it'll auto-transcribe the files, and you can unlock insights that can help you drive sales. We've set it at a price point that we think is accessible to the IndieHacker community and we'd love to help you build products that people love.
Much love.

I have a few boxes of great condition Pokémon cards that I have been collecting over the years and have no need for them as they are quickly taking space. Most of these cards are from the newer sets( Silver Tempest, Obsidan flames, lost origin, paradox rift, crown zenith, Japanese vmax). I have done some sorting that where the box with tabs is sorted alphabetically the rest of the boxes are sorted by common, holos, energy, codes, and extras. Here are some pics, all the boxes are pretty much filled. I’m hoping to get rid of it all in one go, but am looking for a general estimation before I list it. Here are some pictures, I took all the cards out of the crown zenith box set.

Boilerplate: Spicy today, tomorrow top eight. Some of these lists are just to off meta to be properly categorized. I'm looking for something to properly name them.Click on player's name to see full deck list on mtgspacy site. 🏆 Congrats to all who got there using some off meta ideas.   This is a list of different decks comming from this event: * Deck by Archer365 🌶️: Break the Ice, Not Dead After All, Tishana's Tidebinder, Orvar, the All-Form, Force of Negation, Heartless Act, Murktide Regent, Sheoldred's Edict, Cursed Totem, Thoughtseize.
Fringe cards used on this event: Obscura Charm, Boom Box, Heartless Act, Siphon Insight, Three Steps Ahead, Hooting Mandrills
Spicy Reddit: /MTGSpacyModern Don't follow, come with me on Twitter for alerts about newcards on modern metagame. MTGSpacy is a deck builder tool that can help you know how off meta your deck is, so you can play with your friends using only off meta decks. Additionally we provide some metagame updates like this. Try MTGSpacy to create new spicy decks.

So I (female 22) have been in an on again off again situationship with (male 24) let’s call him Aaron. I met Aaron a year ago under some very messy circumstances. We were coworkers and just got out of very serious relationship. We were friends but eventually grew feelings for the other and just ended up together. For a number of reasons that would make this post entirely too long he and I broke up. We both want different things out of this relationship. He works 6/7 days a week which leaves him to be distant and too tired to go out on dates and spend any time outside of the bedroom. He says that he owes credit cards so he works hard and long to pay them off. But all we ever do Is my coming over 2 days out the week (which I find sus) and watch movies and occasionally smoke Mary Jane. But I want more out of a relationship and he admits that he can’t provide that. Leaving us to break up until his finally situation lightens. However we still talk every day and see each other occasionally, essentially still acting like a couple without the title. (Yes I know I sound like a dumb ass) but I love this man. He is everything I want in a person but can’t provide what I need in a partner. Now that leads us to my current situation. There’s this guy (21 male) who I’ve known since high school. Let’s call him Derek. Derek and I were best friends in high school and I did have a crush on him one point in time. However due to Covid we kind of drifted apart and have kept contact here and there over the years. But last Friday I found myself out with a few friends and he just so happened to tag along which is completely fine with me as he is still a friend of mine and my high school girl crush feelings are long gone. But after a lot of drinks we ended up kissing at our booth for a while. Throughout the whole night he and I engaged in a lot of flirting and a lot of kissing but nothing more. Derek and I’s mutual friend from high (female 21), Debra saw our interactions and decided to instigate a situation where she stated to Derek “not to play with my emotions because I have feelings for him” she then went on to tell me to “leave Aaron alone and once and for all try Derek because he has feelings for me.” although I was very much intoxicated I knew I wanted nothing more from Derek other then his lips on mine and our flirtatious banter. He was very much a playboy and still a friend of mine. I had no intentions of setting wedding dates and renting uhauls with this man. For once I enjoyed doing something carefree fun and just plain impulsive. I overthink and hide a lot of the time especially with my situation with Aaron. I just wanted to have fun. No expectations. But the next morning I felt entirely guilty. Like I cheated on Aaron even though we aren’t together. My friends say I’m being stupid but I still feel guilty because at the end of the day if roles were reversed I would be extremely hurt. Then again I still have a desire to see Derek again and kiss him maybe even more. Am I an AH?

This would be early to mid august
This will be ENTIRELY on maui, so we aren't burning time hopping islands
Looking for advice on extra things to do or not miss out on
An extra thing i really wanted to do was that stargazing cruise, https://www.pacwhale.com/ecotousunset-celestial-cruise/ , but they ONLY operate on saturdays and the one saturday we can go seems to be sold out? or not available? im not sure if they do wait lists?
Also, some kind of local cooking class is something we try to do everywhere we go, but maui doesnt seem to really have any?
im budgeting about $10,000, including some room for about $100 per day in food costs averaged out
Day 1 (friday):

• arrive between noon and 7pm
• check into hotel wailea (early check-in?)
  • picked this place because it's chill and very swanky, and also not crazy expensive
  • fiancé really wants a fancy place with room service specifically
  • unsure if they often upgrade for honeymooners, probably not

Day 2 :

• go to the beach, hotel wailea has drivers to get you anywhere nearby
• explore the resort some more

Day 3 :

• pick up rental car
  • probably a jeep 4xe for drop top, plug in electric driving, 4 wheeling for some rougher roads
• nothing else currently planned, what to do?

Day 4 :

• check out of hotel wailea late
• check into huelo point lookout https://maui-vacationrental.com/
  • picked because it's very pretty, reasonably priced, quite secluded, was recommended on here a LOT, and has a private hot tub + pool on site
  • only downside is it seems to be kinda far from everything so i guess we'd have to cook all our own meals and such, are there specific spots around there for meals and groceries?
• stargazing up the mountain in the evening
  • https://www.mauistargazing.com/sunset-stargazing-tou
  • 4:15 to 9:15pm
  • recommended to bring our own food and water but warm clothes are provided

Day 5 :

• road to hana trip through Maui roadsters, https://mauiroadsters.com/
  • (8am to 8pm)
  • explore road side stuff on the way and the ride back (need recommendations on things to visit)
  • mama's fish house for either a 3:30pm late lunch (before roadster drop off) or an 8:30 dinner

Day 6 :

• o'farm coffee and brunch tour, 8:30am to ???
• nothing currently planned for the evening, what to do?

Day 7 :

• snorkeling trip to lana'i with trilogy tours
• https://sailtrilogy.com/
  • (6:30am to 2:30pm)
  • (might change this to the KA'ANAPALI since apparently the lana'i trip doesn't actually do much snorkeling?)
  • (also unsure if the SNUBA upgrade is worth it)
  • me and my fiancé are currently getting some swimming lessons and practicing snorkeling in the pool
• nothing currently planned for the evening, what to do?

Day 8 :

• check out of huelo point lookout
• drop off rental car in the afternoon
• get to airport

There's three MGP Paranoia products that nobody can't find anywhere. Not ever paying for it, so I ask you for help.

• Disaster Deck
• Thriftylist Deck
• Smocks!

The two decks someone could find the pdfs to sell on the publisher store some time ago, but nowadays you can only find the physical cards to sell on retailers stores.
The last one is a physical book of mission only owned by the pledgers of the crowdfunding campaign of one of the boxed sets. So we are, as preservers, in need of someone to scan and share it.
We only need this 3 files to guarantee the future generations complete access to this edition of the game.

"Representative Xyla, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
The human delegate to the Forian people's stood politely from behind his desk and motioned her into a chair opposite him.
"Thank you for meeting me on such short notice, Delegate River. I'm afraid I have come with ill tidings and to request assistance of the human Empire."
River smiled softly, his features gentle, but in his eyes were calculations, predictions, expectations.
"The empire and the Forian people have always been staunch allies. What can we do for you?"
Xyla produced her tablet, conjuring on it a series of reports from Forian expeditionary forces that had recently made contact with a new interstellar race. Though protocols were followed and the Forians had attempted peaceful communication, they had been rebuffed by the 'Legion' - a race of fungal sentients of seemingly unending number.
The Legion had all but decimated the first contact party and had ravaged the rescue fleet that had jumped in to save the expedition forces from what they had assumed was some form of natural disaster or disease. They had been met with harsh fighting in orbit as biological ships released clouds of mines like spores that detonated across the hulls of the rescue vehicles. Even after the rescue force realized this was a conscious attack and had begun evasive maneuvers and return fire their attempts were found meaningless against the Legion vessels. Outnumbered, outgunned and unprepared, the Forian rescue fleet fled back to Forian space, the expeditionary force was assumed totally lost.
And the retreat carved a galactic trail for the Legion to follow.
The human read through the reports with a stoic expression. They highlighted the negative trend the war was on, as Forian planet after Forian planet fell to Legion ships and soldiers, ultimately to be consumed by their growth. The Legion had seen only success in the conflict and had carved the Forian community into two halves, each half holding on by threads.
"Your people are divided and engaged in a loosing war with the Legion," he summarized. "I'm certain we can be of assistance. Humanity has encountered these foes before. I will have our commanders generate reports of their findings, suggestions of favorable battle tactics, recommendations on how to proceed. And, of course, you will have our assistance in rebuilding."
"Your offer is much appreciated, Delegate River, but I'm afraid the Forian people need more."
One of the Tufts of hair above the human's eyes raised slightly - an expression Xyla had learned meant the human was either confused, intrigued or entertained. Or all three. Humans were rather complex social creatures.
"If you have a proposal I can bring it forward to the Baron here. If it is within our power we could grant it immediately. Of course," he set the tablet down and turned fully towards Xyla, his countenance more serious than polite now, "if you are requesting something more serious, something substantial, it will need to approved by the emperor and his advisors. I can only promise so much."
Xyla was familiar with the human empire's negotiating. Generally, they would hear a proposal and, if they found it favorable, they would respond within 2 human days. If they found it politely unfavorable, they would simply not respond, answering inquiries with "the advisors are still discussing it," or "a decision has not yet been made on the matter, sorry." And wholly unfavorable proposals, such as the joint research agreement Xyla had proposed not 3 human years ago were immediately shut down. Her proposal now was one she expected wholesale rejection on, but she had been armed by the Forian primarch with a new bargaining tool and an imperative to make the humans agree. The Forians could not take no for answer on this.
"We believe the humans would be potent allies in this fight. Our military intelligence once generated a report on human forces that implied that what we could see of human military and weaponry was a 'placating show' and that more effort had been spent to conceal human military might than any galactic nation had ever spent using military might."
The human said nothing. He leaned forward resting his elbows on the desk, his fingers into a steeple, and his mouth behind his hands. His head tilted down and he now looked up with his eyes towards Xyla. The look was serious, dangerous, predatory even. But he did not say anything.
"The Forians formally request human aid in defeating the Legion forces and reuniting Forian space."
"We cannot fulfill that request at this time," he said flatly.
"We know humans can fight," Xyla demanded. Her skin began to glow from bioluminescence, betraying the passion of her position from the calmness of her speech. "Are you not capable of defeating the Legion? Are you afraid of them?"
"That is not the issue, Representative Xyla..." the human began.
"Tell me honestly now, could human warships defeat the Legion in combat?"
The human glanced down at Xylas tablet before bringing his gaze back to hers.
"Off the record," he said.
Xyla shut off her tablet and stowed it in her pocket as the human walked quietly around the desk and poked his head out the door. He glanced side to side for a moment and then, seemingly satisfied, closed and locked the door. He returned to his desk, opened the drawer and withdrew a tablet of his own, which he powered off and set face down on the desk. Finally, he regarded her intently.
"Your military intelligence is correct. Humans have concealed their military prowess from other galactic nations."
"Could you beat the Legion?"
"Yes. Of all the space-faring races we've come across, the Legion are perhaps the second or third most formidable - not counting ourselves of course. We wouldn't handily defeat them, per se, but we could all but guarantee military success against the forces you are engaging."
"Second or third?" Xyla stammered.
"Well naturally the federation is first. Then there's the Gaussians with their rather crafty electronic warfare. Their combat effectiveness is rather remarkable actually and the rest of the galactic community simply hasn't realized the potential Gaussians have for warfare due to their friendly nature. And they have more ships than we do people. Even still, they don't have a whole lot of bona fide military resources. Once they're done with their one trick of electronic warfare they are beatable with simple weaponry and tactics.
Then the Legion, with their large number and very fast resupply times, plus the fact that one Legionaire could eventually reproduce into a whole horde of fighters by itself, means that any conflicts with them not resolved very quickly and incredibly - ah - judiciously could very quickly become a quagmire. The empire certainly cannot afford a second war that could turn into a stalemate without our full attention. This is why I must deny your request.
As for the second or third place race, it's hard to say yet. The Wagash people - I don't believe your kind has encountered them yet actually, so I ask you to keep this between us - is rather warlike. We don't know the full strength of their forces yet and they are new to the galactic scene having only just achieved FTL a few cycles ago. But they remind us of us, and that means they're not to be trifled with lightly."
Xyla was shocked into silence for a moment. The human had acknowledged the threat of the Legion, but had framed it as one of time and effort, not insurmountable forces or indestructible vessels. And they weren't even as much of a threat as some new race that hadn't even made it to the galactic community yet?
"I see you are processing still, so let me reiterate our previous offer. We can have the empires' top military analysts review your positions and provide you with advice on how to proceed and findings from our own initial skirmish with the Legion. That information should greatly improve Forian combat effectiveness and it really is a very generous offer."
"What of human warships? Simply on loan?"
"No."
"Hired human mercenaries?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Human weapons? Training? Even just a blueprint?"
"Out of the question," the human said flatly. "What I've offered is already a stretch and..."
Xyla cut him off, "the Primarch calls in his favor."
"What?"
Xyla stood now, reaching her full height and allowing her bioluminescence to fill the room with different shades of blue and purple. She put on her most commanding voice.
"The Primarch calls in his favor."
"You don't know what you're asking," the human said in a warning tone. "This is Pandora's box and you don't just want the key, you want a sledge hammer to break it open."
"I have read your human mythology, River, and I know of Pandora's box. Do you know what was inside?"
"Monsters of every kind imaginable."
"Hope," Xyla said resolutely. "Delegate River, these reports do not tell the full story. Our forces are fractured beyond repair. Our colonies are starving, our ships and stations destroyed and left derelict. Even our homeworld is on the brink, fighting an unending battle just to supply forces and equipment enough to slow the Legion advance. Not stop it, not turn it, slow it. Without human military intervention, the Forian race is finished. We are a proud people, Mr. River, but not to proud to beg. Please help us."
River was silent for a moment, staring into the room beyond Xyla. His calculating eyes had glasses over as if seeing something horrible from his past before him now.
"The human emperor," he eventually said, seemingly to himself, "was once rescued from drowning during a visit to that aquatic colony of yours by the Forian prince. He vowed to repay the debt when your people asked. You, of course, know this, since you're calling in that favor." He looked at her now. "But you don't really know the magnitude of what you're asking. Humans going to war with anyone is going to change everything. On a galactic scale."
Xyla scoffed, but the human's serious expression quieted her quickly.
"Your people like to race, yes?" River asked.
"Yes," Xyla responded. "It is our - as you humans practice it - sport."
"Your fastest racer, how quick are they?"
"Resbin his our fastest racer. He could circumnavigate our home planet in less than three of its days."
"How long would it take you to do?" River asked.
"Well I'm no racer," Xyla blushed shyly. "Maybe 20? 15 if I'm given time to get in shape."
River sighed and then looked at her deeply. "You are to your race what Resbin is to mine. At least in terms of military. I said that the Legion was perhaps the second or third strongest military power in our galaxy? Well the difference between first place, the federation, and second place is like the difference between Resbian and you. It's astronomical. It's leaps and bounds. It's degrees of magnitude different. The only things that prevent us from wiping out the Legion are that we'd have to be decisive and thorough and that we're too busy with the federation to be thorough. You're asking an adult to get into a fight with a child, only once everyone else sees the adult fight they'll realize they're all children. It's going to start an arms race with every other species in the galaxy."
"We have no other choice," Xyla said. "We need your military to save us from annihilation."
River sighed for a moment and rubbed his hand across his brow. He muttered under his breath for a moment; something about diplomatic relations in light of military prowess. Eventually he stood.
"I must attend to something first. Will you stay here a moment while I make some negotiations?"
Xyla nodded and River left the room quietly. He was back in only a few minutes and nodded to her.
"You'll have our support, but just how much support we can offer depends on this next bit."
He tapped on his tablet a few decisive keystrokes and a telemonitor descended from the ceiling behind her. It whirred quietly for a moment before an image of another human appeared on it. In contrast to River's white, stiff attire with blue trim, this human wore black with a white undershirt and no accenting colors. His feet were kicked up on his desk as he leaned back in his chair and grinned at the screen.
"River," he called jovially, "finally calling to surrender, eh? Well you can suck my..."
River cut him off with quickly and loudly, "I'm joined by a representative of the Forian people, Ms Xyla."
Xyla nodded a polite greeting and the human on the monitor stammered for a moment before adopting a polite, formal posture.
"Ah. Apologies Ms Xyla. How can the Federation of Human Territories be of assistance?"
"The Forians have called in their favor," River answered for her. "I'm calling to negotiate a cease-fire while we answer it."
"The federation is friendly to the Forian people, but we are under no such obligations, River. I respect you for responding to a favor, but your cease fire is denied."
River put out his palms in a placating gesture. "Hear me out first. The favor is military aide. The reason," he swiped at his tablet and the human on the monitor looked down at his own as he received the message, "is of mutual interest to us."
The human on the screen was quiet for a moment as he read. His face changed from one of surprise and curiosity over the call to one of bitterness and anger. Finally, he looked up at Xyla through the monitor.
"The Legion harvested one of our colonies when we first encountered them. An undefended civilian colony was all but devoured. And when we finally made diplomatic contact with them they said it wasn't their fault, they just eat dead stuff. It was the colony's fault for being dead so easily. I thought we destroyed those sporey bastards but I guess we just accidentally sent them your way. River, you have your cease fire. And Xyla, you just got more ships. Tell your Primarch to point em out and get out the way, the humans are coming."
The transmission went dark and River turned towards Xyla. "Well," he clapped his hands and rubbed them enthusiastically, "with Imperial and Federation forces we should have that taken care in a couple days. It's like you got two Resbins for the price of one."
"And what you said about Pandora's box? About the arms race?"
"Oh I meant it. You're going to see monsters and all the galactic stage will feel like children before the human militaries. But you'll get your hope too. And besides," he winked, "a favor is owed."