Does anyone know when the next mta police exam comes out? I took the written and passed and was called for the physical exam but I couldn’t attend due to a family emergency. Got an email from them saying “ The purpose of this letter is to confirm, that based upon your failure to appear for and to complete the Physical Fitness Test, the MTA has determined that you have abandoned your application, and therefore, you are no longer under consideration for the MTA Police Officer position.
Thank you for your time and interest in the MTA, and we wish you the best in all of your future endeavors.”
Really bummed out about so I’m planning to take it again. Anyone have any idea when the next filing date is?

This does not really have a video but I could provide one if need but I wanted to hear from the sub what they think about certain situations and putting pressure on a defending car.
An example I had in a race today, Spa, we come out of raidillon, side by side into kemmel, I’m in left position, outside for Les Combes, cars are equal and very nicely paced with each other, other car moves all the way right, like right against track edge on kemmel, so I held them there, taking a “middle” lane down the straight, before Les Combes they decide to door bang me as they wanted space to take the corner, I didn’t move back left, I held middle and choked them up against inside. What happened was they conceded the corner and backed off, but then just sent me with a deliberate ram at Bruxelles. My question is this acceptable? if the other driver over defends, is it rude to hold them to the bad line? Obviously it’s dangerous in real life and I would give more space and a fairer chance at next turn, but with sim racing, it’s fair game?
Also one other etiquette question, is it bad taste to take pretty awful line to bait an attacking car into making mistakes?
An example is Watkins glen T3, the uphill left, when I have a car in tow, I like to take a “middle” lane on that but not enough away from the left curbing to let a car through. What I normally see happens is they take the bait to try for the space inside but pick up the track penalties as they go over track limit Or it forces them to drop power for a moment right before the straight to the loops, while I can keep power on to escape a draft.
Again I would consider this dangerous in real life, as it’s a bad line and somewhat in middle of track and if a collision happens I’m squashed against the wall, but it would be ok sim racing?
Thank you for reading, it may be long.

Obviously, I'll be vague about the more sensitive or identifiable details, but here is a rundown of what has happened.
Recently moved back from overseas and looking for employment. This is in England.
Nov '23 - Interviewed for a role. I was told I was the last person to be interviewed on the way out, but an interviewer corrected that as an Executive was wondering whether to approach someone else about the role. A couple of days later I was told that I wasn't successful, but that they're putting me forward for another role that I might be suitable for.
Dec '23 - Meeting about the other role. It sounded great, and it was strongly suggested that I was the only candidate for the role. I got positive feedback and was told by the person in Talent (let's call them TK) that there needed to be a meeting to confirm the specifics of the role. This got pushed back a few times and I was told that it was definitely going ahead in the new year. As I had been living with family whilst I found my feet, I asked for a firm assurance that it would as I needed to move for the role, and my living arrangements were increasingly unstable and I'd need to move to a different city. I got firm assurance, and so my girlfriend and I moved into a flat closeby with a year's lease.
Jan - Feb '24 - The meeting kept being pushed back, or was vague. TK didn't keep me up to date and wouldn't always reply to texts/emails within a reasonable time. I got repeated assurance that the job was going ahead shortly. I was eventually told the job description had been finalised and I was sent a copy to review. I read it and said I was happy to move forward. I was emailed a conditional offer of employment document that was referred to as a contract. The conditions were;

1. Evidence I am eligible to work in the UK
2. Successful medical
3. Satisfactory references
4. Evidence of qualifications
5. Security clearances (incl overseas checks for the 2 countries I'd lived in outside of UK)
6. Successful 12 week probation
7. Agreement that employer can deduct any liabilities from salary
8. Acceptance of T&Cs in job offer letter

I signed the document and returned it. The week afterwards, I attended my medical and provided my ID documents for the checks to be carried out. The week after that, TK called to say that a new Executive had decided to take a different strategic direction and that the team I would be a part of had been pulled. For this reason, my job offer was withdrawn. I asked about the contract that I'd signed and TK said that they'd check. They called back the next day to explain that my overseas checks hadn't come back yet so they didn't owe me anything.
March - May '24 - I wanted to see if my checks would eventually come back, as that would satisfy another of the 8 conditions. My UK and one of the overseas ones came back clear, but the second overseas one was cancelled by the employer. I had independently had one carried out in this process and that came back clear, so I know I wouldn't have failed it. Following ACAS rules, I had already informally raised my concern over the phone, and so a formal grievance was the next step. The job offer had been withdrawn, but there had been no conversation around the document that was referred to as a contract, not even verbally. In that document, there are two sentences next to each other that are a little unclear:

Your notice period to \employer* will be 3 months from either side.*
\employer* will give you 1 month's notice for the first 4 years of employment and an additional 1 week for each additional full year of service up to a maximum of 12.*

These are right next to each other, but seem to contradict. I've also never seen the phrase "from either side" before.
In my grievance, I explained the negative effect this has had on my financial stability and mental health, and pointed out the notice period above. I also mentioned that I was now locked into living in an unfamiliar city, and that my future job search was now very limited to the area. I didn't ask for a specific outcome, just that I'd like to start a constructive dialogue and that I'd like to see their grievance policy. They've replied and reinforced their position that they don't contractually owe me anything as I didn't satisfy condition 6 - the probation. They also said that they'd offer 4 weeks' wages as an ex gratia. I haven't replied, as I'd like to properly understand my options.
Questions

1. How do you interpret the notice period?
2. Can a company withdraw a job offer and a contract without honouring a notice period for the reasons they've given (change of strategic direction / haven't completed probation). I haven't been given a chance to complete the probation and so it's not like I've underperformed or been frequently absent.
3. Is there a difference between a job offer and a contract, and do both have to be formally withdrawn?
4. Am I right in saying that because they haven't followed the ACAS Code of Practice for Grievances?
5. Do you think I have a case that is worth pursuing in ACAS' Early Conciliation / Tribunal?
6. Is there anything else I've missed?

Thanks so much, this has been a huge headache over the last 6 months.

CHARACTER AGENCY

It's ridiculous how passive and honestly "NPC" the other characters in the world are. For an installment in the series that wanted to dip deeper into the "Roleplay" side of things, it's absolutely crucial that CK3 find a way to make the other characters in the world feel like real, living, breathing, and independent people, and it currently falls flat on that.
Here are just some ways that you could improve character agency in the game:

• Characters should be able to push for appointments, regularly. How am I a god that just comes in and names every single knight and court position in the land with not a breath of reaction from my entire court. Do you know how many people would've had the king's ear in this time and been pushing for themselves or their friends or family for these appointments? Think of the court intrigue you've seen in shows like Game of Thrones or Shogun or Succession, now think how well the game captures that feeling. The -40 opinion penalty for major vassals not being on your council is a boring static modifier that doesn't take into account personality and context and only applies to your council, not to court positions or knighthoods. The random events in your Royal Court where people push for appointments are infrequent, pretty random, have little consequence, and are actually entirely optional if you never Hold Court. People should be pushing to fill your different roles regularly and react positively or negatively if you pick people they like or don't like. Here are some examples:
  • People should be able to push for themselves to be appointed, for their friends, for their family, for people they respect, for people of their culture and/or religion, for people with similar personalities to them.
  • People should oppose the appointment of their rivals, people from families their family is feuding with, people they dislike, cultures or religions they oppose, etc.
  • Personality traits should affect who people push for. Deceitful characters may want you to purposely appoint incompetent knights, bodyguards, food tasters, etc. if they dislike you. Zealous characters prioritize religion far above other qualities. Diligent characters prioritize the most competent candidate. Vengeful characters highly oppose their enemies being chosen. Greedy characters prioritize appointments for themselves or their family. Impatient characters will get upset if you leave the position vacant for too long. Trusting characters will only push for candidates they really know well.
• Characters should be able to refuse appointments, or resign from positions. Maybe the talented firstborn son of the king does not wish for the duty to rule and refuses the election to King and instead wishes to spend his days frequenting brothels and fighting in tournaments. Maybe a martially gifted vassal that has huge estates and is living comfortably in his manor off of his rents doesn't want to be appointed as my Marshall and chase and stamp down peasant revolts for a living, so he comes up with an excuse to refuse the appointment. Perhaps I need to change his mind by paying him a visit to persuade him in person, or by hosting a great feast in my hall with him as the honorary guest, or by arranging a marriage between our families. Perhaps my masterful Steward is offended at the lowborns and heathens I have hired into my council, and resigns out of protest. Perhaps my Marshall is ashamed at how badly the last war went under his purview, and resigns out of shame. Perhaps my Chancellor just heard news that his son was killed in a hunting accident back home, and resigns to go spend time on his estate with his family.
• Characters should react to actions the player takes.
  • Won a great battle? Maybe a knight approaches you after the battle wishing to enter your service after hearing of the tale. Maybe your marshall approaches you and congratulates on your generalship. If it was against heathens, maybe the Pope writes you a letter congratulating you on the victory of Christendom. Maybe a vassal approaches you and offers to build a statue in his domain to honour your victory.
  • Declared a new war? Maybe a vassal refuses the call to war citing some excuse, withholding his levies and giving you a reason to punish him in the future. Maybe another vassal joins with his personal troops as well because he is personally interested in success in this war.
  • Built a building in your vassal's land? Your vassal should thank you and like you more.
• Characters should regularly ask for favours from the player, and the player should be able to ask them in return. Maybe a an existing councillor asks that you hire him to another position for which he thinks he is better suited. Perhaps a vassal approaches you with a marriage offer, and in return offers to build a church in your honour. Perhaps a vassal approaches you and asks that you declare war on the country that is raiding their lands, and in return offers to increase his obligations to you. Perhaps a vassal asks that you raise his children with the greater learning available in your court, and in return he will send you his brother to serve as your knight. Perhaps the pope asks you to build a church and in return offers to send you some learned monks and an artifact.
• Characters should regularly travel to visit each other or do things. It seems like the only thing characters beside me do is lead armies, and go on hunts. Why don't my councillors go back to visit their estates? To see their families? Why don't distant family members travel to see each other? To host family reunions?
• The player should be able to consult decisions with other characters. What is the point of my councillors if they never give me counsel? If I am planning on giving out land to new vassals, each of them should be there with suggestions on who I should give it to, or whether I should even give it away at all. And it should not just be my councillors, sometimes these decisions are leaked and my entire court will find out, in which case many courtiers would have their own opinions on what should be done! Maybe one of my guests approaches me and begs I give the land to them due to some ancestral claim. Maybe my food taster during dinner tells me he thinks it should go to my existing vassal X because he manages his current estates so well. And what if I want to host an activity? I should be able to ask my councillors or courtiers which activity they wish for or think would be best to host next. Maybe they have suggestions for where to host it, how to plan it, who to invite, etc. Maybe my marshall wants a tournament but my chaplain wants a pilgrimage. Maybe in my feast, my Steward wants me to invite vassal X but my wife despises him and wishes me not to.

The fact that almost none of these features exist in a meaningful way in the game is kind of ridiculous, for a game that tries so hard to be role-play centered and story-driven. Think about how much we are missing out on because of the lack of agency of characters in the world. Imagine if other characters in the world acted like us as the player character. Think of the story opportunities if features like the above were implemented to make for more independent AI characters.

Hey everyone, I really could use some advice and I didn't see the rules of the AITA, so my original post got deleted.
So, for some context: Me and my partner have been together for 4 years now. 1.5 years ago, we changed countries and are still adjusting to our new lifestyle in a way. We came from a poorer country, and now we finally have a better life in general.
I (25F) came with a permanent contract, and he (27M) came with a fixed-term contract (1y), my salary being the highest salary by a large margin. So, for a while, I was already being the main provider, which is totally fine with me. In the meanwhile, we managed to save some money, but just enough so that if anything happens, we have some back-up.
Now, to the current situation: He has been unemployed for the past 5 months, and it was really tough for us. He started getting really moody, and the first 1-2 months were completely hellish. However, after leaving his job, he realized how he felt so unappreciated by his previous bosses and I suggested that maybe it was good to have a break and get some education (which was an opportunity he had never had previously and I wanted him to experience it too). He gave it some thought, and decided to apply for a bachelor, and thankfully, he got in! Very happy for him for that.
The problem starts here: I was always very vocal about how I preferred that he found a part-time and studied full-time, or the opposite, to ensure we could maintain our heads afloat. What I didn't know was that he actually never thought much about this, and that his goal is to focus only on studying for the next 3 years.
His perspective is, and I quote: "If I find a full-time job until my university starts, fine. If not, I'll just study." I have asked what about summer jobs, part-time jobs or even internships, and he always seems to dismiss it and say that there's nothing for him, and that you need to know the local language to get those, etc. In these 5 months, there was absolutely no effort on his side to learn the local language, he has been playing games and doom scrolling for most of his day. Sends some applications here and there, and that's it. Lately, and after being accepted for university, the number of applications sent is almost getting to 5 per week.
This has become concerning to me, because it means I will be the only one handling everything for 3 years. I want to be a supportive partner like I have been so far but his lack of interest in getting a job is making my belly twist, specially considering we have made great efforts to get him stuff he wants (e.g: his first car) and that when we talked about it before he got accepted, he seemed to be really motivated to do that.
We have argued about this, and he's pissed, saying that he thought he could count on me and apparently that has changed. The one friend I have told this to says I'm being dumb and that he would never put his girlfriend in this position, but I don't really know.
Reddit, AITA for wanting my partner to find a job and study?

(I’m following my swashbuckler main. Somethings are different but I stick mostly to the main storyline. And yes there will be several different, truthful idk how long this will be)
Dear Luna,

I wanted to update you on how everything is going in Mooshu and the restoration. The emperor had woken up because of some wizard, so me and Subodai have been helping him catch up on what's been happening. It’s been an interesting couple of months if i have to say so. I do miss everyone, but we all did agree on these assignments but do hope we can come together again soon. Sincerely, Sarah 

Luna read the note by Sarah, one of her closest friends and crew members. She, like everyone on the crew, felt the same way about being separated, but all understood the purpose of this separation. Bonnie and Jack went to Marleybone; Sarah, Monkey King, and Subodai went to Mooshu; Herself, El toro and Sally stayed within skull island with the couple bouncing back and forth to Cool Ranch. The rest of the crew spread across the spiral helping with the reconstruction after the armada.
Signing, Luna leaned back in her seat and looked towards the pictures she had on her desk. One was the picture of Marco Pollo’s crew that they found in Captain Blood's cave. Another was of her friends back in Grizzleheim, and the last one was of her, Sarah, Subodai, Jack and Bonnie. Picking up the photo she started to remember when it was taken.
(Flashback)
“You guys can’t possibly think that can be an okay thing to do to him, right.”
Luna with her small crew sat in the cellar of the tavern in skull island. It was only a few after they saved Ratbeard from the water moles. A decision that has caused some of her crew (particularly Sarah and Subodai) to grow creative threats towards him. The most recent one was to take a very brutal excitation method from her homeworld and use it on him. Granted they probably only saw it within books, she still didn't understand how they thought it would be ok.
“Even still, he needs to know we won't be putting up with him, especially after what he did to his own crew. I mean killing them just to have everything to himself. That could've been me in there if he hadn't taken the will when he did.”
Sarah was right afterall, she could have been a part of that. Looking around the crew nodded in agreement to what she had said. Shaking her head Luna decided to drop the subject. Turning to Jack this was the first time in hours that she was able to find out about who her parents truly were.
“Hey Jack? Can you possibly tell me what my parents were like? Your guys travels? Anything really.”
Her voice came out more meek than she had liked, making her sound like a child that was asking permission for something. Bonnie and Sarah turned their full attention to Jack, while Subodai leaned back and closed his eyes. She could tell if he was doing it to be able to envision what Jack was saying or if he just didn't care too much (she asked him a month after this, it was to envision it). Jack turned to her with a smile, took a swig of his yum and leaned back.
“I don't even know where to start for you. I joined the crew when I was around 20 (I like to think our parents were in their mid 20’s when they had us) and your parents were about 22. I grew up with your father in Marleybone. He was always headstrong, knew what he wanted, but was always willing to help others. When we were around 16 that's when we first met your mother. It was shortly after she left darkmoor and all three of us just clicked together. After we hit 18 your mother went off on her own for about four months, and came back as a different person. I don't know what she did, where she went or what happened. However, that's when your parents decided to create a crew. We knew people who wanted to leave, and who had the experience. At the time I wasn't ready, so I told them to give me about a year and to come back to get me.”
Jack took a break for a second to take a drink and eat some food. Looking around, Sarah and Bonnie were so interested they ended up leaning on their arms to be comfortable. Honestly Luna was also in that position. Subodai was in the same position but with a small smile.
“I can’t tell you how many places we’ve gone to. We went to Grizzleheim to see Siv, Cool Ranch, Mooshu, Zafara which was actually really nice, and Krokotopia for a short time. I do remember that Jenny wrote journals for every world we've gone to. If we are able to find them then you'll be able to learn more about them personally then I do.”
Luna knew about her mother’s journals, Siv would talk about them consistently but she never knew where she put them. At that point Ratbeard came down into the Cellar holding a camera with a goofy smile.
“Where in the world did you get that thing?”
Bonnie asked him, having an idea of his answer.
“I stole it. Hey, don't give me that look, we're pirates. We steal, that's what we do for a living. Now, get together so I can mess with this thing.”
Looking at each other the five of us leaned in for him to take a picture of us. Held it up to his face, counted, then there was a flash. Within seconds was the picture of the five of them huddled together smiling.
(End of flashback)
The memory slowly faded as she held the picture within her hands. Back then it wasn't as stressful as it is now. The crew was small meaning she only had to worry about a handful of people, we didn't know about the armada, they didn't have as many enemies. However, now they have to worry about the people who are after them simply because of the map pieces.
A knock on the door disrupted her thoughts.
“Captain, something came up and I think you should hear this personally. Me and Toro will be waiting by the schools next to the person that needs to talk to you.”
“Thank you Sally, I’ll be there shortly.”
Luna set the picture back on her desk, opened up the top drawer of the desk and put Sarah’s recent letter in it. Smiling at the amount that she had and remembering everyone she slowly closed it. Getting up she grabbed her weapons, put on her coat and hat, and headed out to where her two crew members were waiting.

TLDR Version: I need clarification on my total loss situation. I was involved in a car accident in Illinois, where I am not at fault. My car has been deemed totaled, and the damage exceeds what I paid for it new. I provided the other party's insurance company with information for a higher valuation, as I had recently made repairs and added features to my car. However, I'm not satisfied with their second offer, which has only increased by $400. I also want to address the impact on my partner and myself. We didn't sustain major injuries but sought medical care for pain and swelling. My partner has been offered chiropractor care and cash by the insurance company. I have anxiety, which has resurfaced after the accident, that and lack of a vehicle is affecting my ability to attend important upcoming events and work my second job. I've consulted with lawyers, but I'm unsure of the best course of action as they are not following up with me.
FULL Version: Hi all I’m hoping to get some clarification on how to go about my total loss. I’ve never been in this position before thankfully but need some guidance. I am located in Illinois dealing with Geico (other party) and Farmers Insurance (mine).
My partner and I were involved in a car accident last week. Not at fault, however, the damage to my car far surpasses what I even paid for it new so it has been deemed totaled. I provided the other parties insurance company with information for a higher valuation after they came back with the first one as I had some repairs done 6 days before the accident with new breaks, new fog lights, and AC repair. And then within the last couple of years I added a Sony head unit for Apple/android CarPlay and backup camera plus tinting all the windows and new tires.
I understand they can’t pay me out retail value to replace my car (which is total bs if not at fault IMO) and it would cost me double what they are offering me to get the exact same model year and close in miles to what my car had with less features. I’m not happy with their second offer increasing only by $400
I’m sorry this is a little long but I figured details would be important. We didn’t have any major injuries so we are lucky in that regard. My partner and I were both seen by immediate care a couple of days after the accident as pain was settling in for both of us. Nothing broken but just swelling in my neck muscles from what they could see. I was referred to an orthopedic surgeon for further evaluation but the doctor didn’t seem too concerned about anything major being an issue. Insurance offered my partner $5000 in chiropractor care and $1200 cash. He’s held off on responding until I get something through to them.
I have anxiety and before the accident it was well managed. Since the accident I’ve had panic attacks again. I’ve been speaking with my therapist and working on getting back on track. I don’t take meds anymore for anxiety as it was well managed prior to this accident. I have so many once in a lifetime events coming up the next month I’d have to miss not having my car and also missing wages from my second job. I’m fortunate enough my main job is from home 100%.
I’ve tried to get opinions from some lawyers on what I should ask for, for this type of thing as it’s not something you can really put a price on. Or how to even calculate out a monetary amount but my case, I have a feeling isn’t something someone would take or it wouldn’t be worth taking. So that’s why I’m here for guidance. I’ve written a professional letter to send to the insurance company along with a letter from my therapist outlining my anxiety and panic attacks, doctors notes about the physical injuries, and the announcements/invitations for the events I’m missing. Also I have documentation of pay from both of my jobs.

“Meet the Grandparents,” Chapter 6
by c.w. cobblestone
My shoulder throbbed after twenty minutes of scrubbing the tile near the laundry sink, but the damned calcium stain wouldn’t budge. I set down the steel wool pad and tried to stretch my arm, but when I shifted position, a cold wave ran through me and I remembered how badly I had to piss.
I clenched my legs together and choked out a frustrated sob. I knew there was no way I could wait any longer; I simply had to ask for permission to use the bathroom, or I’d surely make a mess.
By the time I’d struggled to my feet, though, I was second-guessing myself, and wondering whether pissing in my panties might be preferable to whatever punishment awaited me if I dared to ask my master’s mother to rescind her order that I ‘hold it’ until one o’clock.
I would have squeezed my penis to try to stop the flood, but it was encased in my accursed chastity device. Instead, I danced in a little circle, debating whether to go upstairs and beg for relief, or just piss myself and accept the consequences.
The decision was made for me; as I did my little jig, my right heel slipped on the wet tile and I fell down hard, severely twisting my ankle. I couldn’t continue holding my bladder, and I rolled around on the basement floor moaning with the warm wetness soaking my panties and the front of my frock. For a nanosecond I felt relief, but that was quickly replaced by the throbbing in my ankle, and the ice that formed in my gut as I wondered what my punishment would be when my masters learned of my accident.
I lay there for maybe five minutes before I was able to rouse myself and wipe up my piss from the basement floor before hobbling toward the stairs. Walking was incredibly difficult with my ankle swelled up to twice its normal size, but I somehow mustered the willpower to make it up the steps.
With tears in my eyes, I stood before my masters, curtsied and started to explain what had happened — but my wife beat me to it.
“You have GOT to be kidding me, standing there with piss all over yourself,” she screamed. “I can’t believe you’d embarrass us like this, you little worm.”
Carla frowned. “Did you get pee everywhere in my basement, Jody?”
With a wobbly curtsy, I shook my head. “N-no, Ma’am, I cleaned it up.”
Demarcus chuckled. “Damn, sissy, this just isn’t your day, is it? That ankle looks pretty bad.”
I curtsied in response.
“What happened?” my master asked.
“Um … I slipped on the wet tile, sir. That’s how I ended up … my accident … I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me,” Demarcus said. “My mom’s the one who told you to wait until one.”
I turned to Carla and curtsied. “Ma’am, please … I didn’t mean to disobey you. I really tried.”
“You really tried.” The older woman’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t want to hear your excuses, Jody. You’re the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Now, you can march yourself back down to my basement and finish cleaning — and, no, you can’t change out of that wet uniform.”
“Y-yes, Ma’am.”
“Get your butt back to work.” Carla snapped her fingers.
Following my smart curtsy, I started to limp away, which caused Ron to chuckle.
“Poor sissy; you just can’t catch a break, can you?” he said. “It’s gonna be hard to clean with that ankle swelled up like that, huh?”
Pam waved her hand. “Oh, don’t worry about Jody. He’s happy to make himself useful; otherwise, we’d have no reason to keep him around. Right, Jody?”
“Y-yes, Ma’am, thank you, Ma’am.”
Pam nodded regally. “You can go now.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
I was halfway down the basement steps when I heard the baby cry, followed by my wife’s annoyed voice.
“Jody! Get back up here; you’ve got a diaper to change.”
With a sigh, I hurried back to the living room as fast as my injured ankle would allow. When Pam spotted my wet dress, she scowled and pointed toward the stairwell. “Go upstairs and put on a fresh apron before you touch my baby with piss all over you,” she said. “And wash your hands. Hurry up.”
I carried out my wife’s instructions quickly before spreading a blanket onto the living room floor and taking the baby from his mom’s arms.
Carla watched as I unfastened Little D’s wet diaper. “Are you sure you trust this pervert around my grandson? From what I can see, the degenerate little creep doesn’t have much in the way of character.”
Demarcus shrugged. “Nah, we’re not worried, Ma. Jody would never do anything to displease us. Ain’t that right, Jody?”
“Yes, sir, of course not, sir,” I said as I put a fresh diaper on his son.
Pam nodded. “Like I told you earlier, I trust Jody a lot more than I would some nanny, any day of the week. Believe it or not, Jody’s not really a pervert. He doesn’t like dressing up like this — not that anyone cares what he likes. But it was Demarcus’s idea. Jody hates it.”
Ron laughed. “Damn, Jody, that must really suck. It’s one thing if you’re into dressing like a girl. But to be made to do it? How do you live with yourself?”
My lip trembled as I struggled to hold back tears amid the onslaught of derision. “Um sir, I … I just love Miss Pam, sir, and I want to make her happy. She fell in love with your son, sir, and like I told you earlier, I begged them to let me stay in her life in some capacity. This is how they want me to be, so I’m just happy they’ve found a place for me, sir, and that’s why I try to be the best maid I can be.”
“Although sometimes you fall short, and disobey orders.” Pam arched her brow. “Like pissing in your panties when you’ve been told to wait.”
“I’m so sorry, Ma’am.”
“Whatever,” my wife said as I handed over her freshly-diapered son. “Now, limp your sissy ass downstairs and get back to cleaning.”
“And I’d hurry up if I was you,” Carla added. “You got a whole lot more stuff to do when you’re done down there. I don’t care how much your ankle hurts.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Normally, I’m not like this,” Carla said, flashing her teeth. “But something about you brings out the devil in me. I’m gonna work you until you drop, you hear? And if your ankle hurts, so much the better.”
“Y-yes, Ma’am.”
Ron smirked. “And we haven’t even talked about all the chores I have lined up for you. Like I said, you just can’t catch a break.”
As I hobbled down the basement stairs, I muttered to myself, “You don’t know the half of it, you hateful old bastard.”

Mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) is the subject of heated debate. How are mast cell activation syndromes defined? Which diseases are included? What is the diagnosis and treatment of mast cell activation syndrome? Prof. Dr. Knut Brockow, Clinic and Polyclinic for Dermatology and Allergology at the Biederstein, Technical University of Munich answers these questions in an interview with MeinAllergiePortal.
Mast cell activation syndrome: The most important facts!
-The prototype of mast cell activation syndrome is recurrent anaphylaxis
-Other forms of idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome are being sought; however, there are mainly symptom descriptions where the diagnosis cannot be made
-Clinical suspicion of MCAS is based on recurring allergy-like symptoms on the skin, nose, respiratory tract, gastrointestinal tract and circulation
-The diagnosis of MCAS is made according to recognized international criteria based on three criteria
-MCAS is often suspected even when symptoms are inappropriate and the diagnosis is unclear; the suspicion is then not helpful for patients
-The same medications are used to treat MCAS as are used to treat allergies, in particular antihistamines and cromoglicic acid
Prof. Brockow, what kind of disease is MCAS?
Mast cell activation syndrome is not an established diagnosis, but rather a concept. Historically, this concept arose because an increasing number of patients came to the doctor's office with complaints that gave the impression of having been triggered by mast cells. These patients sometimes showed symptoms similar to those of allergic reactions, anaphylaxis or mastocytosis, but a clear diagnosis for these diseases could not be made. Nevertheless, it was suspected that there could at least be a connection with mast cell diseases. Unfortunately, the term MCAS created more uncertainty than understanding. This is because MCAS is now thrown around as a diagnosis for many patients with many symptoms and an unclear diagnosis. This is not helpful for patients and fuels short-term hope of diagnosis and cure, which cannot be fulfilled later.
Is MCAS an autoimmune disease?
No, in autoimmune diseases mast cells are not primarily involved and not as lead cells, but lymphocytes that attack the body's own structures, in some cases by forming antibodies.
Is there a connection between mast cell activation syndrome and autoimmune diseases?
No, there is no known connection between MCAS and autoimmune diseases. It has also been claimed by specific authors that other diseases, such as Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) and myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) are related to mast cell activation syndrome. However, there are no good arguments for this. Unfortunately, such claims are easy to make and difficult to refute.
What is the cause of mast cell activation syndrome?
Mast cell activation syndrome is actually more of a symptom description than a diagnosis in its own right. Mast cell activation syndrome is fully applicable to recurrent anaphylaxis (severe allergic reactions in several organ systems such as the skin, respiratory tract, digestive tract and circulatory system), for example due to insect bites. All the criteria for mast cell activation syndrome are met here. Severe allergic reactions are the most common cause of MCAS. However, although the term MCAS is correct in this context, it does not provide any additional information, as patients with such events are better described as patients with a diagnosis of anaphylaxis or allergy, and the term MCAS is somewhat confusing.
Is mast cell activation syndrome genetic?
MCAS itself is not genetic, but patients with the genetic disease mastocytosis often suffer from anaphylaxis, particularly to insect venom, and therefore MCAS. In addition, it is currently being investigated whether people with genetically determined hereditary alpha-tryptasemia suffer more frequently from MCAS.
How did the term mast cell activation syndrome come about?
There were many patients without a clear diagnosis, some of whom predominantly showed the symptoms typical of mast cell diseases. Accordingly, the experts dealing with mast cell diseases saw the need to develop a concept that took into account the “undiagnosable” symptoms of the patients. In the course of this, the terms “mast cell activation” and “mast cell activation syndrome” were defined. In addition, an attempt was made to sort all mast cell diseases into a classification with regard to mast cell activation. However, the difficulty in classifying these complaints is that many of the complaints described by patients are subjective, relatively non-specific and can be both organic and psychosomatic.
How have you defined mast cell diseases and which diseases do they include?
Mast cell diseases are defined as recurring chronic symptoms that are compatible with mast cell activation.
Mast cell activation is classified on the basis of three criteria:
Recurrent typical clinical symptoms in at least two organ systems
An increase in mast cell mediators can be detected in the blood, most frequently by determining the serum tryptase level during an acute attack
Good response of symptoms to anti-mast cell mediator-directed therapy, especially H1 antihistamines
What types of mast cell disease are there?
The classification of mast cell diseases associated with mast cell activation syndromes defines three groups:
1. primary mast cell activation syndrome
Primary mast cell activation syndrome is explained by a clonal expansion of mutated overactive mast cells. It manifests as systemic or cutaneous mastocytosis. If these criteria are not completely fulfilled, but clonal mast cells have been detected, it is referred to as monoclonal mast cell activation syndrome.
2 Secondary mast cell activation syndrome
Secondary mast cell activation syndrome is present when clear triggers of mast cell activation are known. There are established terms for secondary mast cell activation syndrome that we are more familiar with, such as “anaphylaxis” to a known trigger. The classification in the second group of mast cell diseases is therefore merely a reclassification. Examples of mast cell activation are physical urticaria or cold urticaria. Allergies such as pollen allergies are also secondary mast cell activations, as hay fever also causes symptoms typical of mast cell diseases. In pollen allergies, mast cell mediators are found in the blood serum and drugs directed against mast cells have a good effect. If the symptoms recur in several organ systems, this is referred to as mast cell activation syndrome.
3. tertiary or idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome
Tertiary or idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome refers to mast cell diseases whose triggers are unknown. This group would include, for example, chronic spontaneous urticaria, which has additional symptoms in other organs. Here we know that mast cells are activated, but not by what. This group of idiopathic mast cell activation syndromes would also include patients with as yet undescribed clinical pictures who do not fulfill the diagnostic criteria of known mast cell diseases, e.g. allergy, anaphylaxis, but in whom the disease is triggered by mast cells. In these patients, however, the connection between the symptoms and the activities of the mast cells must be proven.
Does this mean that tertiary or idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome is a diagnosis of exclusion?
Idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome can be described as a diagnosis of exclusion insofar as the prerequisite for the diagnosis is that there is no other disease causing the symptoms. However, the symptoms described are often very, very unspecific and could also be caused by a variety of other diseases. However, there are the three criteria for mast cell activation syndrome already mentioned. If these are not all fulfilled, this diagnosis cannot be made.
How common is mast cell activation syndrome?
Anaphylaxis and severe recurrent allergies are not uncommon and represent the vast majority of appropriate cases for MCAS. In addition, mastocytosis patients often have multiple anaphylaxis and therefore also MCAS. However, our initial idea of finding a new disease, idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome, has not yet been confirmed. There are many patients with many symptoms for whom a clear organic diagnosis cannot yet be made. However, it is almost never possible to prove that a defect in the mast cells is primarily responsible for the symptoms. Many of these patients describe symptoms that could fit, and in some patients anti-allergic drugs also have a positive effect. But in only very few patients can an increase in mast cell mediators be detected during an acute attack. I now believe that somatic stress disorders could play a significant role in many of the patients examined.
Histamine intolerance is also a diagnosis of exclusion, is there a connection with mast cell activation syndrome?
Histamine intolerance can cause similar symptoms, but is not a mast cell disorder and has nothing to do with MCAS. When mast cells are activated, the messenger substance histamine is released, which in turn can cause symptoms. In histamine intolerance, the mast cell is not activated - it is not involved in any way. Rather, histamine intolerance describes patients with an increased sensitivity to histamine, which is supplied, for example, via the diet. This can lead to similar symptoms, but in contrast to mast cell activation syndrome, histamine intolerance has a clear trigger, histamine. As a result, the symptoms occur after eating histamine-rich foods, but disappear again if the patient follows a low-histamine diet. A test is also available to diagnose histamine intolerance.
So there are also patients with suspected mast cell activation syndrome who cannot be assigned to a classification group, even though they have corresponding symptoms?
There are many patients in whom no mast cell activation syndrome can be detected despite suspicion. They do not fit into one of the three groups. However, this also used to include monoclonal mast cell activation syndrome. These patients showed anaphylaxis and a KIT mutation, but not the full criteria for mastocytosis. In the meantime, a separate disease diagnosis has been created for these patients. The independent accepted disease of these patients therefore lies between mastocytosis and normal findings.
We thought that there might be other forms of idiopathic MCAS with clinical pictures that have not yet been described. However, this is not supported by the findings to date. There are patients who show symptoms but do not meet the necessary criteria for idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome. In these patients, the diagnosis remains unclear. In how many of these patients functional physical complaints play a role still needs to be investigated.
Are there risk factors that favor mast cell activation syndrome?
There are hardly any recognized studies on this. In a study conducted by Cem Akin in the USA, patients were examined who met the three criteria for idiopathic mast cell activation syndrome. They had the right symptoms, there was an increase in mediators and their symptoms improved with treatment. It was shown that many of these patients suffered from urticaria factitia, a scratch-induced urticaria, abdominal pain and flushing.
Recently, a genetic trait was discovered, hereditary alpha-tryptasemia with elevated basal serum tryptase levels. In patients with this trait and insect venom allergy, the severity of the allergic reaction appears to be increased. It is also discussed that the frequency of mast cell activation syndrome is increased in patients with this genetic trait. However, the published studies are not yet unanimous in this respect.
What symptoms can occur with MCAS?
The following symptoms could be signs of mast cell activation syndrome:
MCAS symptoms on the skin:
Appearance of sudden intense redness (flushing)
itching
wheal formation
Deep wheal formation (angioedema or Quincke's edema)
MCAS symptoms on the nose:
Nasal congestion
Nasal itching
MCAS symptoms in the airways:
Swelling of the upper airways
Wheezing
Shortness of breath
MCAS symptoms of the digestive tract:
Vomiting
abdominal pain
diarrhea
Systemic MCAS symptoms:
Syncope - where you suddenly lose consciousness, but only for a short time
Sudden drop in blood pressure
Allergic shock
These symptoms can occur together or individually. In principle, symptoms must occur in two or more organ systems for MCAS. These symptoms, together with the typical skin changes and anaphylaxis, are also typical of mastocytosis.
Are muscle pain and hair loss also symptoms of MCAS?
No, why would anyone think that these symptoms are primarily caused by a malfunction of mast cells? Mast cells are not important cells for muscle pain and hair loss.
How is MCAS diagnosed?
MCAS is a diagnosis of exclusion, i.e. there is no mast cell activation syndrome test. However, this does not mean that all other diseases must be ruled out before a diagnosis of MCAS can be made.
When testing directly for mast cell activation syndrome, three criteria would be examined, all of which must be met, not just two:
First, there must be a matching of symptoms to see if the above symptoms are leading, recurrent and occur in at least two organ systems.
Is there a substantial or complete improvement in the clinical symptoms when taking anti-allergic medication, antihistamines or cromoglicic acid? Then this criterion would apply.
The blood levels of tryptase in the serum can now be examined at two different points in time. This would check whether there is an increase in mast cell mediators or tryptase in the blood serum in a highly symptomatic phase or during a seizure compared to a time when there are no symptoms.
What does the tryptase level in the blood mean in the diagnosis of mast cell activation syndrome?
If the mast cell mediator tryptase rises by 20 percent of the basal value, i.e. the initial value, + 2 ng/ml during such an episode, the diagnosis of mast cell activation syndrome has been made without the need to rule out other diseases beforehand. However, taking blood samples to determine the tryptase levels is very time-consuming, because a blood sample should be taken in the normal state and then another blood sample should be taken during a seizure or a highly symptomatic episode. This means that the patient must see a doctor in good time for a blood test during the acute phase. If these tests are negative, mast cell activation syndrome cannot be confirmed.
Elevated tryptase levels also play a role in anaphylaxis, is there a connection with mast cell activation syndrome?
Anaphylaxis is an extremely strong mast cell activation, the “prototype” of mast cell activation, so to speak. The tryptase level rises, so that it is considered an indicator of anaphylaxis. Here too, the basal value is measured and compared with the value during an episode. The relevant factor is the resulting increase in the tryptase value. The therapy against mast cells is effective in this case. In this respect, anaphylaxis is the classic form of mast cell activation syndrome.
The tryptase value also plays a role in the diagnosis of mastocytosis, what are the correlations here?
Mastocytosis patients also have an elevated baseline tryptase level. This is therefore an indication of mastocytosis and an indication for a final diagnosis by means of a bone marrow biopsy. However, there is also a mastocytosis-independent correlation between tryptase and anaphylaxis. People who have a higher number of mast cells often develop more severe anaphylaxis than people with fewer mast cells. The tryptase basal value is therefore considered a kind of indicator for the total mast cells in the body. For example, insect venom anaphylactic patients with elevated basal mast cell tryptase levels in the blood are at increased risk of severe anaphylaxis.
What can be done against MCAS and which medications help?
The aim of treatment for mast cell activation syndrome is to slow down the effect of the overactivated mast cells and to calm the mast cells. In particular, the avoidance of allergic triggers is available for this purpose.
Histamine receptor blockers are tried as medication to block the effects of mast cell activation by histamine. Mast cell stabilizers or blockers of mast cell release, cromoglicic acid, can also calm the mast cells. Cromoglicic acid is also used in mastocytosis patients. It is important to know that the use of cromoglicic acid is not advisable if the attack has already run its course. On the other hand, many patients achieve a significant improvement in symptoms if cromoglicic acid is taken continuously as a preventive measure and in a sufficiently high dose. This has also been shown to be the case with antihistamines.
Another option would be leukotriene receptor antagonists and corticosteroids in the short term, but never over a longer period of time.
Unfortunately, many patients with previously unexplained complaints are given a suspected diagnosis of MCAS in the hope that this knowledge will lead to better treatment or perhaps a cure. However, apart from the drugs mentioned, which can also be used on a trial basis in cases of suspected MCAS, there are no other useful drugs available. In this respect, the suspicion of MCAS unfortunately does not offer patients any additional treatment options.
Are there foods that activate or deactivate mast cells?
No such foods are known in humans. Of course, it is possible to bombard mast cells in a test tube with high concentrations of food and measure whether the natural activation of mast cells is increased or reduced. However, such tests are generally not meaningful for humans when consumed.
Can naturopathy help with mast cell activation syndrome?
I don't know how it could help. Naturopathy is the attempt to achieve a positive effect through naturally occurring active substances. Is the avoidance of allergens in our natural environment already naturopathy?
Could certain vitamins, for example vitamin C, be beneficial for MCAS?
This is claimed by a few doctors without any convincing results. Vitamin C is also said to help against seasickness. After all, vitamin C, taken in normal amounts, is not harmful and is beneficial. Sometimes the conviction that a substance is good for you also helps. That's why the experiment doesn't bother me.
Is it possible to prevent mast cell activation syndrome?
Yes, by avoiding MCAS with a known trigger. This is the case with allergies. In the case of allergies and recurrent anaphylaxis as a form of MCAS, omalizumab, an antibody against immunoglobulin E, can also be used in individual patients.
Prof. Brockow, thank you very much for this interview!
https://www.mein-allergie-portal.com/mastozytose-mastzellaktivierungssyndrom-mcas/925-idiopathisches-mastzellenaktivierungssyndrom-ein-neues-krankheitsbild.html

My bf (25m) and I (25f) met last year and instantly clicked. He lived two hours away from me so we’d see each other on the weekends and we always had the best time. I loved the way we communicated, the way he listened to me and was always kind and respectful to me. He went above and beyond with making me feel special. Making me my favorite desserts, surprising me with dates, making me dinner. Constantly texting me and asking me questions. We share so many interests, my family loves him, his family loves me.
Shortly into our relationship he was offered a promotion that required him to move about 11 hours away. He decided to accept the offer which I feel was the right decision and we decided to do long distance. He moved a few months after and we’ve been doing long distance for about two months now. It has been extremely hard. My previous relationship was also a long distance relationship where my ex cheated on me. I told my current bf that I’ve developed a lot of anxiety regarding this and at first I wasn’t confident about my abilities to maintain a ldr. He assured me that he would FaceTime me every night, text me all the time, fly me out to visit him once every 6 weeks or that he would fly to me.
A few weeks into the long distance he started being more distant. His texts weren’t as reassuring and lovey as they used to me. He stopped planning FaceTime dates and wouldn’t call as much. One time he cancelled a Facetime date he had planned for us (we were going to make dinner together and watch a movie) 20 minutes before to hang out with his friend. I told him that since this is all we have right now they’re really important to me. He said he understood and would do better.
When I would tell him I was feeling anxious he would get hostile and defensive. Saying “don’t you see everything I’m trying to do” and if I expressed my concerns he’d be very dismissive. One night he didn’t say I love you back to me on the phone. I asked him if something was wrong and he got mad that I even asked. If he was being dry and I would ask why he’d say “I didn’t put an emoji, so what?” I was starting to feel really defeated and upset. I was convinced that me thinking he was being distant was all in my head.
This past weekend I flew down to see him for the first time since we’ve started long distance. Our reunion didn’t feel as emotional as I thought it would. He said he felt weird around me for the first 24 hours. I could tell something was off. He wasn’t looking at me the same way and it didn’t feel the way it used to. He wasn’t staying hard during sex either which has never happened. I asked if I did something wrong or he wasn’t attracted to me and he kept saying no that he didn’t know what the problem was.
Finally on the last night he admitted that he has been distant. I told him the way I’ve felt the last month is not okay. He started crying (which was the first time I’d ever seen him cry) and apologizing saying that it’s not okay that he’s treated me this way and how sorry he was. He kept saying that I’m the nicest person he’s ever met and I deserve better and that he doesn’t know why he is the way he is. He mentioned that it may be trauma from past relationships where he never felt good enough and any criticism or problem feels very personal. He said he wishes he would’ve supported me more emotionally and that I didn’t do anything wrong but that his new position has been very demanding. He said it’s been so hard on him that he’s losing his hair. He said the stress is so much more than he thought it would be and that when he has a full day of things going wrong and stress at work that it’s harder for him to give me the patience and time and effort that I deserve, which he has never mentioned before. I asked him to be honest with me and himself about if he’s able to handle the position and our relationship at the same time. He said he thinks he can and that he doesn’t want to lose me and how much he loves me and sees a really happy future and life with me.
I don’t know what to do. The last month I have felt so alone, unsupported and misunderstood. I understand his side as well. I just have a lot of concerns about both of our mental wellbeing’s.
I’d like all the advice I can get. Thank you for reading all of this.

As many of you may have read, there is a case of two missing adopted kids in North Carolina, where remains have been found. The news has reported that their adoptive “mother” is Avantae Deven.
I’m a curious person and started digging up information on Avantae Deven when I first read the story in my news feed and could not believe what I was reading. It seemed like whomever this woman is must have be using an alias; Avantae Deven is not a name like Kim Jones or Mackenzie Smith.
The more I dug, the weirder it seemed to get. I found a property deed to a place in Sedona, Arizona, and figured out that whomever this Avantae person is, she at one point in time had owned a home together with someone named Nicole Adams. So I dug into who Nicole Adams was, and learned that she was the widow of a spiritual leader named Robert Adams. It appeared to me that there would be no way to identify who Avantae really was, unless I could also identify the true identity of Robert Adams.
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I've done investigative work for many years, including skip tracing. I can conclusively state that there was absolutely no person actually named Robert Adams born in New York State on January 21, 1928. This is demonstrated by the New York Birth Index. I have combed the census records for 1930, 1940, and 1950, and cross-checked them against multiple databases, and am confident that nobody with the birth name of Robert Adams was born anywhere in the United States on January 21, 1928.
Moreover, there was absolutely no person with the true name of Robert Adams who died anywhere at all in the United States, let alone Sedona, Arizona, on March 2, 1997. This is demonstrated by the Social Security Death Index.
I began this research largely by performing exhaustive searches on the known addresses that are associated with Robert, his wife Leonie (who used to use the alias Nicole), and Avantae Deven (who turns out to be their daughter Michelle who began using the alias Avantae in the mid-1990’s or so). Most of the addresses are PO boxes. Those that are PO boxes are all *private* PO boxes, not PO boxes that one can rent from the United States Postal Service. To me, that spoke volumes. The family were clearly using aliases.
As I explain further below, I eventually determined that “Robert Adams” was Robert Spiegel, born 21 January 1932 in New York. “Nicole Adams” was actually Aileen Beverly Leonie Maxwell, born February 2, 1929, in Jamaica. “Avantae Deven” is actually their daughter, Michelle K. Spiegel, born on October 1, 1960, in California.
One of Robert’s many false stories about Robert’s life that my research has refuted is Robert’s claim that his mother was Jewish and his father was Catholic. That was a lie. Both of his parents were Jewish. It’s also interesting that he claimed that he was “raised Catholic.” There is absolutely nothing to suggest that. His mother always, in New York, lived in Jewish neighborhoods. Moreover, as will be discussed below, his parents had a Jewish wedding. It’s also downright absurd that he would tell people that he was “half Jewish.” If your mother’s Jewish, you are Jewish, pure and simple. Even if Robert’s father had truly been Catholic (which he wasn’t; his name was Samuel Spiegel and he immigrated to America in 1907, lived with his Jewish, Yiddish-speaking cousins, and spoke Yiddish himself), Robert would have been Jewish because the status of being a Jew comes from the mother. Robert’s mother’s name was Fannie (nee Fleisfeder) Spiegel. Fannie’s parents were Itzik Fleisfeder and Esther Libke (nee Rifkin) Fleisfeder. Esther’s parents were Mendel Rifkin and Sarah whose maiden name is lost to time and the disappearance of the shtetls. Robert’s claim to having had a Catholic father was utterly false, but is part and parcel of his ongoing compulsive daily lying about anything and everything.
Here is the story.
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Kolomyia, formerly known as Kolomea, is a city currently located in the Western Ukraine.
On January 21, 1892 (the same year that Kolomea tallis¹ workers went on strike for better pay and working conditions), Kolomea resident Rachel Katz, wife of Abraham Spiegel, gave birth to a son, who was given the name Schmuel.
On the date that Schmuel Spiegel entered the world, Kolomea was ruled by the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, and almost half of the city’s residents were Jewish.
In June of 1907, fifteen-year-old Schmuel² boarded the Zeeland, which sailed from Antwerp, Belgium, arriving at New York Harbor on June 18, 1907. The ship’s manifest states that Schmuel’s father had paid for his transport, and that Schmuel intended to reside with his father, Abe, in Brooklyn. Schmuel was granted entrance, and took up residence with his cousin Charles Fetner, who resided at 353 Myrtle Avenue, Brooklyn, in Apartment A with his wife Jennie and their baby daughter Ettie. The sparse record that exists suggests that although Schmuel’s father was, indeed, named Abraham, Abraham lived and died in Europe, without immigrating to America.
The 1910 census describes Samuel’s cousin Charles as a carpenter, who had been married to housewife Jennie for six years, and a father of three children-- Ettie age four, Nathan age two, and baby Jacob, who was not even a year old. Eighteen-year-old Samuel was identified by profession as a “Foreman Sailmaker” in an industry described as “pocket-books.”
Three and a half years after being granted admission, on a bitterly cold winter day, January 4, 1911, Schmuel (now employed as a pocket-book maker, and having Anglicized his name to Samuel) signed and submitted his declaration to become a United States citizen. He stated, in that declaration, that he was born on January 21, 1892.
By 1915, Samuel had left his cousin’s abode and was residing as a lodger in the home of a widow named Rose Hammer, who lived with her two adolescent sons, Meyer and Louis, at 531 E. 5^th Avenue; Samuel was now working as a “driver.”
Two years after the 1915 state census was taken, Samuel had moved back to Myrtle Avenue, but this time at building no. 849. On June 15, 2017, Samuel registered for the draft, and described himself as being a pocketbook maker, working for “A. Shoenfeld,” at 101 Crosby Street, New York. He was single. He stated, in his draft registration, that he was born on January 21, 1892.
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A woman named Fruma Fleisfeder was born in Beltz, Bessarabia, sometime between July 1, 1893, and 1901, to Itzik Fleisfeder and Esther Lieba Rifkin. Fruma (not living up to her pious given name) provided different dates and years of birth to different authorities on different occasions, making it impossible at this point in time to know her true position in the birth order of her family. Regardless, Fruma, who began using the name Fanny upon her entrance to the United States, did have three brothers and a sister who also came to America-- Louis Fleisfeder who was born April 10, 1890, Max Irving Fleisfeder who used October 10, 1892 as his birthdate, Hersch (later known as Harry), whose official birthdate was December 15, 1901, and Sylvia who was born in approximately 1906.
On December 1, 1919, Fruma arrived in New York Harbor on the ship La Touraine, declaring her intention, at entry, to become a United States Citizen. The ship’s manifest describes her as five feet five inches tall, with fair hair, blue eyes, and a fair complexion. The ship’s manifest states that she was, at that time, age 24. If that were correct, she would have been born in 1895.
Fruma (then going by Fanny) took up residence with her cousin Ethel (nee Ruchlin) and Ethel’s husband Samuel Steinberg, on 15^th Street, Brooklyn. Soon thereafter, Ethel gave birth to her first child, a daughter named Theresa. The 1920 census states that Fanny was Russian, didn’t speak English but, rather, spoke Hebrew, and worked as a milliner in a millinery store. The 1920 census also states that Fanny was age 25, which lines up with her being age 24 in the prior year’s ship manifest.
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Sam and Fanny married in Manhattan on January 24, 1925. Their marriage certificate (signed by each of them) identifies Sam as being age 32 (contradicting, by one year, his immigration records which would have placed him at age 33), and identifies Fanny as age 24, the same age that she had claimed to be six years prior, and also contradicting an immigration petition that she would file two decades in the future, which generally placed her birth year at the mid-point of 1893.
If Fanny’s immigration records (which included a petition with her signature on it) were correct, Fanny would also have been age 32 as of her marriage to Samuel, not age 24.
So did Fanny lie in her marriage certificate? Or did she lie in her immigration petition?
The marriage certificate identifies Sam as having been born in Kolomea, Austria, and his father being Abraham, and his mother being Rachel Katz. It identifies Fanny as having been born in Beltz, Russia, to a father named Isaac, and to a mother named Esther Rifkin.
The marriage certificate does not identify Fanny as having any profession, but identifies Sam as being a pocketbook maker.
Sam and Fannie were married at 125 E. 4^th Street, Manhattan, a six-story apartment building with retail units on the ground floor that is now an expensive co-op, with three-bedroom units selling for over $900,000. Present-day real estate advertisements alternatively state that the building was built in 1894, 1903, and 1905.
The first name of the rabbi who officiated was Harry. His surname starts with Reid, but the remaining letters of his signature are illegible. Rabbi Harry identified his residence as 232 Broome Street, which, at the time, was a four-story mixed use building that, among other things, housed Chevrah Ahavath Zedek Anshei Jaskinover.
Witnesses to the marriage were Mayer Budmon and Samuel Steinberg.
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Sam and Fanny’s existence was documented next in the 1925 New York State census by census. They were living at 205 S. 2^nd Street. Samuel was still working as a “pocketbook maker.” Fanny was identified as a “housewife.”
Fanny was identified as age 25. This was in accordance with her age as stated on her marriage certificate, but not in accordance with her immigration documents or the 1920 census.
Sam was identified as being age 28, which conflicted with all prior records.
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In 1930, the couple were again enumerated, this time in the Federal census. The enumerator, whose signature appears to be “Max Krahn” (or something like that) stated that he obtained the information on April 16, 1930.
Sam was identified as a “framer” of pocketbooks. He was identified as being 36 years of age, which conflicts by two years with the age that he provided to immigration authorities. Perhaps the enumerator was simply sloppy; Samuel was also incorrectly identified in the 1930 census as having been born in “Poland,” with parents who were both also born in “Poland,” notwithstanding other governmental records having identified him as being Austrian. The language he spoke? “Jewish,” according to the enumerator. Was that to mean Hebrew? Yiddish? Both?
Fannie was identified as age 30 (directly in conflict with the information she supplied in her immigration petition, which bears her signature) and as being “Russian,” with parents born in “Russia.” The 1930 census enumerator incorrectly wrote that her year of immigration was 1921. Fannie, too, was identified by the enumerator as speaking the “Jewish” language.
Although later records reflected that Sam and Fannie had a son named Irving who was born in 1926, Irving was not recorded in the 1930 census. Was he missed by the enumerator? Or was he a later-adopted son?
The couple also had a boarder, identified by the 1930 enumerator as one Esther “Larson,” age 40, born in Russia, and similarly a speaker of the “Jewish” language.
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The New York Birth Index identifies a baby boy, Robert Spiegel, as one of many babies having been born in the city on January 21, 1932.
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On May 21, 1936, Samuel committed suicide by hanging in the family residence, a tenement apartment located at 1168 Union Avenue, in the Bronx. Although, based upon the date of birth that Samuel used for official governmental purposes he was age 44, the death certificate stated that he was age 43.
Fannie engaged the Gordon Funeral Home to prepare him for burial.
Strangely, although Samuel’s headstone accurately identified him in Hebrew as Schmuel Spiegel, son of Avraham, it inexplicably incorrectly stated that he died at age 40.
Fannie of course knew her husband’s real age; both of them signed the marriage certificate that had Samuel’s correct age listed. Furthermore, Samuel had petitioned for citizenship in 1911, and stated that his date of birth was January 18, 1892.
Why would Fannie commission a headstone with a false age? Perhaps she, like her son, was a compulsive liar. Maybe that’s where Robert got it from.
*******
The 1940 census has Fannie (identified as age 38), Robert (identified as age 8), and Fannie’s son/Robert’s brother, Irving Spiegel, age 13, as living with Fannie’s 72-year-old mother, Esther Fleisfeder, at 1537 Fulton Avenue, in the Bronx. Fannie and Esther were identified as widows. Esther was identified as “U” (unable to work), while Fannie was identified as engaged in housework. No source of income for the family was identified.
No explanation is obvious regarding where Irving was living in the census taken a decade previously. Was he adopted?
There is no “Irving Spiegel” listed in the New York Birth Index for either 1926 or 1927. There is an “Irving Spiegal” listed, who was born April 29, 1926. But he is not Irving Spiegel.
I initially thought that perhaps Irving might be one of the unnamed Baby Boy Spiegels born in New York in 1926 or 1927, and that he left the hospital unnamed because his parents were waiting for his bris before naming him. However, Robert left the hospital with the name Robert. Why wait until the bris to name one child, but not the other?
*******
Slightly less than two years after she was enumerated in the 1940 census, Fannie’s mother Esther died, at home, at 1537 Fulton Avenue. The causes of death were “Coronary Thrombosis, Pulmonary Oedema Nephritis, Hypertension, Arteriosclerosis.” Esther left this world on February 6, 1942, the same day that the W. L. Steed was torpedoed, shelled and sunk less than a hundred nautical miles east of the mouth of Delaware River by a German submarine.
She was buried at Mount Moriah Cemetery in Fairview, New Jersey, the same cemetery where her son-in-law Samuel was interred.
*******
On November 12, 1943, Fannie, now residing at 1985 Bathgate Avenue, in the Bronx, petitioned for citizenship. She claimed, in that document bearing her signature, to be fifty years of age, meaning that if she was telling the truth, she would have been born in approximately 1893.
*******
On January 19, 1948, Robert (having assumed a false date of birth, that being January 18, 1931), enlisted in the New York National Guard. On paper, he had turned age 17 the day before his enlistment. In reality, he would be turning age 16 two days after his enlistment.
On December 9, 1949, Robert was discharged from the national guard, apparently for having been AWOL.
The discharge document identifies his address as being 1985 Bathgate Avenue, New York City.
*******
The 1950 census places Robert again at 1985 Bathgate Avenue, New York City. It correctly identifies him as age 18, and states that he worked as a shipping clerk for a newspaper company.
According to the 1950 census, Robert resided at the Bathgate Avenue address with his mother Fannie, who was purportedly still age 50 (seven years after she had previously claimed to immigration authorities to be age 50), and Robert’s brother Irving, age 24.
Irving was listed as unemployed and moreover, according to the census record, had not worked for the prior year. Fannie was employed full-time as a milliner in a hat factory.
*******
Military records reflect that Irving J. Spiegel, born in 1926 and a resident of 1985 Bathgate Avenue, who had completed two years of high school education, had flown bomber planes over Germany during the war. In his military documents, Irving described himself as single, with two dependents.
*******
On February 2, 1929, a baby girl given the name Aileen Beverly Leone Maxwell was born in Lucea, Hanover, Jamaica, to William Maxwell and Daisy (nee Tibbits) Maxwell. Her birth was registered by her parents.
*******
In 1954, Robert Spiegel and Aileen Maxwell were married in New York City. Their marriage license was given License No. 10284.
*******
The following year, the Kingston, Jamaica, Gleaner reported on June 6, 1955:
Miss Leonie Maxwell, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Maxwell, was married recently in New York City to Mr. Robert Spiegel of the U.S.A. Both the bride and groom are students at the New York Institute of Dietetics. The bride left the island nearly two years ago for New York. Her wedding gown was chantilly lace and nylon tulle. The bodice was fashioned with a wide, scalloped neckline and elbow-length sleeves. Her three tier skirt of chantilly lace was over pleated nylon tulle. Her fingertip-length veil was adorned with pearls.
*******
If the claim regarding the couple studying at the New York Institute of Dietetics was even true, their studies at this institution didn’t last long. In May of 1956, a number of advertisements bearing Robert’s photograph appeared in the Kingston, Jamaica Gleaner. The advertisements described Robert as a psychologist, author, lecturer, and “practitioner in auto suggestion,” and identified him as “Dr. J. Robert Spiegel.” Readers were invited to come meet Robert on May 21, 1956, at Record Plaza, where he would be autographing his “latest” “world-wide” 33 and 1/3 RPM record, “How to Stop Smoking in 7 days by Auto-Suggestion.”
*******
On May 1, 1959, three residents of 1985 Bathgate Avenue, Bronx, New York, came through customs, having returned from a trip to Jamaica. They identified themselves as “Robert D. Spiegel” born in New York (in addition to giving himself a false middle initial, Robert neglected to complete the I-94-A fully, specifically by leaving his birthdate blank), “Leonie A. Spiegel” born in Jamaica on February 2, 1929, and their minor daughter, and “Sharon S. Spiegel,” born in New York. Someone also neglected to fully complete Sharon’s I-94-A, specifically by leaving her birthdate blank.
*******
Leonie had taken Sharon to Jamaica two years earlier. There are no publicly available records pertaining to their outbound transport from the United States to Jamaica. There is, however, a record pertaining to their return to the United States. That publicly available record does not provide their address, but Sharon is identified as weighing 1 stone 5 pounds (a total of 19 pounds), and Leonie is identified as weighing six stone 5 pounds (89 pounds). Interestingly, Leonie used the name “Aileen Spiegel,” and the records assert that Aileen has no middle initial. Aileen was / is her true legal first name, but it is a lie to say that she has no middle initial.
*******
Almost two years later, on January 5, 1958, the Kingston, Jamaica Gleaner reported:
Staying at the Tamarind Hotel are Mr. and Mrs. Bob Spiegel and daughter Sharon of Miami, Florida. Mrs. Spiegel is the former Leonie Maxwell, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Maxwell of Lucea and has been in the United States for several years. A welcome party in their honour was given last Saturday night by Messers. Horrace, Ray, and Dennis Maxwell, brothers of Mrs. Spiegel. It was a very enjoyable affair.
*******
In 1963, roughly five years after their 1958 visit to Jamaica, Leonie petitioned for naturalization, in Louisiana. Although I am in possession of the index showing that she petitioned in 1963, I do not possess the petition itself. However, the fact that she petitioned for naturalization in Louisiana demonstrates that that at least she was residing in Louisiana at the time. Since she stated that she didn’t leave Robert’s side for over 40 years, presumably Robert, young Sharon, and also baby Michelle were living in Louisiana at that time.
*******
People who knew Robert personally relate that he stated that Leonie was a Cayman Island heiress. She wasn’t. Not only was she not born in the Cayman Islands, Leonie’s father’s estate was litigated (with the judge ruling against her) long before Robert started telling people that his wife was a Cayman Islands heiress.
Leonie’s father did leave an estate, but not to her. On November 9, 1967, the Gleaner reported that the Supreme Court had upheld the will of the late William Josiah Maxwell, the father of Horrace, Ray, Dennis, and Leonie, and the husband of Daisy Maxwell, who had contended that William’s signature was a forgery and that the person to whom his estate had been bequeathed had exercised undue influence. The court disagreed. The article reported:
The estate, which one of the executors described as “a sizeable one,” included 112 acres of land at Paradise and three houses at Lucea, Hanover.
*******
Robert apparently wasn’t banking on Leonie’s inheritance in any event. In May of 1966, advertisements appeared in the Houston Chronicle with Robert’s photo on them, selling a record that would purportedly assist people in stopping smoking in seven days. He identified himself as “Dr. J. Robert Spiegel.”
*******
On page 55 of the November 15, 1969, San Antonio, Texas Express and News, was an advertisement stating:
SCIENCE OF THE MIND
Dr. J. Robert Spiegel of Houston, director and founder of the Science of the Mind Foundation there, is conducting Sunday evening meetings at 7:30 p.m. in the Sheraton Inn, 1400 Austin Hwy.
*******
On page 4 of the July 10, 1970 edition of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram was a photograph of Robert, with a brief local news blurb:
GUEST – Dr. J Robert Spiegel of Houston, Science of Mind Foundation director, will speak at the 10:45 a.m. service tomorrow in First Church of Religious Science, 2001 6^th Ave. His subject is “What Religious Science Teaches.”
*******
On page 8 of the June 18, 1970 edition of the Houston Daily Cougar was this advertisement:
HOME OF UNIVERSAL LIFE
“Teaching Aquarian Meditation For The New Age
Meets Every Sunday, 11:00 A.M. At The World Trade Center Auditorium
Houston, Texas
DR. J. ROBERT SPIEGEL (BRAHMADANDA) DIRECTOR - FOUNDER
Aquarian Meditation Initiation for the first time offered through correspondence. For those sincere students wishing to bypass evolution and enter the 5th Kingdom. Initiation includes meditation technique, Mantra, how to "live” 24 hours a day, and much more. Write for application today:
P.O. Box 53328 Houston, Texas 052
*******
From the Galveston Daily News, May 02, 1971, Pg. 31:
AQUARIAN MEDITATION SOCIETY PRESENTS DR. J. ROBERT SPIEGEL AN AUTHOR, LECTURER, TEACHER OF YOGA & SELF DEVELOPMENT WILL SPEAK ON MAN, MIND & THE UNIVERSE WEDNESDAY, MAY 5th AT 7:30 P.M. IN THE RECREATION CENTER HARRIS COUNTY PARK, NASA RD. # 1 ALL WELCOME — DONATION $1.50
*******
The 1972 Spiritual Community Guide lists Robert twice, in the San Diego area. First, on page 117, using his alias “J. Robert Spiegel”:
THE TEMPLE OF METAPHYSICAL ABUNDANCE. J. Robert Spiegel, 1118 Torrey Pines Rd., 92037. Teaches yoga, nutrition, ESP, metaphysics, psychology, mind control
Second, on page 124, in which he, as one might have predicted, was masquerading as some sort of medical man or scholar:
"AQUARIAN MEDITATION SOCIETY, U. S. Grant Hotel, Attn: Dr. Robert Spiegel, 453-7588"
*******
Also in 1972, Volume 25 of San Diego Magazine published in November advertised gift certificates for the “Astrology Research Center.” “Give your loved one the gift of love. Only $50” said the advertisement. Where was this entity located? At 1118 Torrey Pines Road, the same address as Robert’s Temple of Metaphysical Abundance. The advertisement purported that person identified as “Lil Canaan” was the director. The telephone number was 459-6400.
In 2013, the San Diego Union Tribune published the obituary for Lillian Mulonas, who founded the La Jolla “Astrology Research Center.” At this point in time, unless Robert Adams’ only surviving daughter, Michelle/ Prentiss/ Avantae knows the answer and talks, we will not know what relationship, if any, existed between Robert’s Temple of Metaphysical Abundance and Lilian’s Astrology Research Center, both of which were located at 1118 Torrey Pines Road in 1972.
*******
From the July 12, 1973, San Diego Reader:
BRAHMADANDA FOUNDATION
“Teachings of the Cosmic Way” meets Sundays, 11:00 a.m., U.S. Grant Hotel, Crystal Room. Free admission, refreshments served. Call 453-7588 for more information.
*******
On page 51 of the June 29, 1974 edition of Phoenix’s Arizona Republic was the following advertisement:
Speaker from San Diego
Dr. J. Robert Spiegel from San Diego, a traveler and lecturer, will speak at 8 p.m., Friday in Universal Series Center, 4340 N. Seventh Ave., on the topic “Science of Being.”
He is the founder of the “Aquarian Meditation Society” in Jamaica and is founder and publisher of “Equinox,” a philosophical newspaper.
*******
The family (Adams or Spiegel, however one might want to refer to them) have resided in (that I know of) New York, Miami, Jamaica, Louisiana, La Jolla, Los Angeles, Houston, New Mexico, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Scottsdale, Sedona, and a number of cities in North Carolina.
*******
In at least the 1990’s, before he left for Sedona, Robert Adams used the address PO Box 7210, Jordan Avenue, D-30, Canoga Park, CA. He used that address on correspondence he wrote, and on at least one published document. Who else used that address? The data aggregators show that this address was also used by a Michelle K. Spiegel, and a person going by the name Leonie Maxwell. Michelle and Leonie also used other addresses associated with Robert, those being 1815 Willis Avenue Panorama City, and 21551 Burbank Boulevard, Woodland Hills.
*******
The California Birth Index shows that Michelle K. Spiegel was born on October 1, 1960, in Los Angeles County, to a mother with the maiden name Maxwell.
*******
In later life, Michelle used the addresses above that are associated with Robert and Leonie, as well as an address of 12004 Vanowen Street #14, North Hollywood. This is the same address at which Denniston Keith Maxwell, one of Leonie’s younger brothers, resided at, after his immigration to the United States. Denniston was one of Michelle’s uncles.
In a recent Facebook posting, Michelle/Avantae stated: “Never knew anything personal about said uncles, etc. Never asked, never cared.” Really? She shared an address with an uncle? Her uncle lived within a few minutes’ drive from her parents, and Michelle/Avantae never knew anything about him?
As an aside, Michelle/Avantae alleged (or admitted) that she “never cared” about anything personal regarding her uncles. If that is true, what does that tell us about Michelle/Avantae’s fundamental character? Antisocial? Psychopathic? Narcissistic in the extreme?
*******
On August 2, 1996, Michelle, going by the name Avantae E. Deven, married Tyson Ruben Alvarez in Las Vegas. The two had addresses in common in Arizona, Nevada, and Montana.
*******
Robert “Adams” died on or about March 2, 1997, in Sedona, Arizona.
Shortly after that, in the spring of 1997, “Nicole Adams” and “Avantae Deven” (both aliases; the correct legal names are Aileen Beverly Leonie Spiegel and Michelle K. Spiegel) purchased a home together in Sedona, on Navahopi Road. Shortly after the purchase, “Nicole” quit-claimed her portion to “Avantae.”
On July 17, 2001, Tyson, still married to “Avantae,” quit-claimed any interest in the Navahopi property to “Avantae,” and had the county recorder send the deed to “Avantae” in care of the Infinity Institute, at that time located at 9101 W. Sahara Ave. Suite 105 C29 (in other words, a private post box), in Las Vegas.
Avantae divorced Tyson in 2006. She had, by then, moved to North Carolina. She “served” Tyson via publication summons, claiming that she was unable to find him, despite his information being on multiple data aggregators.
You can go to various Facebook groups, and other sources, to pull up the documents that people have uncovered showing who is associated with the "Infinity Institute," and in what fashion, and also the addresses that they have used over the years.
In any event, this is the information regarding Robert that I think that people need to be aware of.
Why turn to a known liar and con man for spiritual guidance?
1A tallis is a prayer shawl.
2The ship’s manifest states that he was age 14, which conflicts by one year with what Samuel identified as his date of birth. These errors are not uncommon; his fare could have been purchased when he was age 14 and the records not updated.

After 16 years at the same job, my first real job out of school, I've been doing essentially the same work for my entire career. While I love my job, I work on a contract-to-contract basis, and there's always a risk when it's time to re-compete for the contract. I've survived two contract changes in the past, but there's no guarantee the winning company won't make cuts. My salary has grown substantially over the years, which could potentially make me a target if reductions are necessary. The program that employs the contract is slated to go away eventually. Could be 10-20 years away.
The chances of being let go are lower if my current employer wins the contract again, which seems likely but not definite. I feel a new company would have less incentive to keep me on board. This uncertainty drove me to explore other opportunities, even though I've always seen myself staying put for as long as possible.
A former co-worker recruited me to apply at her new company. I didn't take it very seriously at first, viewing it as just a chance to get some practice applying and interviewing. To my surprise, I not only got an interview but also received an offer that matched my current salary. It's a great opportunity, and my friend seems very happy there. In contrast, I've never been promoted at my current job and was even passed over for the only possible promotion in my role. It's a long story, but it felt very political.
Despite loving my work, I officially accepted the new offer and will start in a month. I haven't informed my current employer yet, but I plan to give a three-week notice. Leaving after 16 years is causing me extreme depression. I love my job, but there's been little growth potential. If I stay through another contract renewal, I'll be around 50 when it ends. It seems like a good time to try something new while I still have some runway left.
Rationally, taking the new job seems like a no-brainer, but emotionally, it's wearing me out. I'm terrified I won't like the work as much, and starting fresh after becoming an expert in my current role is daunting. Part of me wants to back out and stay put, burning that bridge, but then I panic about potentially being let go down the road. This new offer is likely the best I'll get in town.
There's also a possibility my current employer could counter-offer, but a raise would only make me a more apparent target when the contract changes hands. Then again, I could be completely wrong about that. I should know more about how they value me once I give my notice. I could seek assurances from my boss. Her vote would go a long way if a new company asks for her recommendations. But again, staying would only postpone the inevitable end date of this job.
In summary, while leaving my long-term job is emotionally tough, the new opportunity seems like a wise move for my career growth and long-term prospects. I'm just trying to make sure it's the right move. Have any of you had similar situations where you regretted taking a position? Regretted staying? Should I entertain a counteroffer? Thanks for reading.

1. "The Greatest Generation" 1901-1927 (Thanks Tom Brokaw) were so named for their resilience and patriotism in dealing with both the great depression and WWII.
2. "The Silent Generation" 1928-1945 were named after their strong sense of conformity and watching McCarthyism happen and basically doing nothing, but also for a very strong work ethic and doing their jobs without complaint.
3. "The Me Generation" 1946-1964 (Thanks Tom Wolfe) were so named for being very self-absorbed and narcissistic. They prefer to be called 'baby boomers' of course. And so-named because they were part of a large population explosion.
4. "Generation X" 1965-1980 were called thusly because of a shifting variable (x) and a desire not to be defined, though we are also sometimes called 'the slacker generation', which, hey, spot on.
5. "Millennials" 1981-1996 were originally called 'generation y' because it comes after x.
6. "Gen Z" 1997-2010 were called that because z comes after y.
7. "Gen Alpha" 2011-20?? are called that because they ran out of letters and started over at the beginning of the alphabet again.

Even though Millennials do have another name besides "generation" + [a letter], the name 'millennials' still really just refers to the years in which they came of age and says nothing about their personas or situations.
And gen z and gen alpha we seemed to have thrown in the towel and just said 'yeah, next!' and waved them on through.
Having those descriptive names is like Maverick, Iceman, and Goose having their navy pilot call signs! It's a badge of dubious honor! Well what the hell? Are we going to let them go on without stamping their foreheads with some moniker they will initially resent but eventually grow to accept with a weary sigh?
What do you think generations Y, Z, and A should be called and why do they deserve it?

I neglected to include this in my cycle recap, but hopefully some future applicants find this helpful. Obviously this is not a one-size-fits-all. https://www.lsd.law/users/creep/SquidwardsHouse
Resume
This will be controversial, but it ideally should be one-page. Harvard and Yale have made explicit their preference for such. I’d say if you’ve got less than 10 years of work experience, you almost certainly can and should fit it on one page. Be concise with your verbiage. Don’t piss the reader off with small fonts (definitely no less than size 11) or crammed wording. You don’t need to patronize the reader by describing in intricate detail what some common-sense things are.
LORs
Again, I believe less is generally more, continuing with my theme. If you can effectively cover ground with two letters when you can submit up to three or four, then choose 2. The only school I submitted 3 letters to was Yale, and that was because I was advised they wanted two academic letters and a military letter to speak to my five years in the Navy. Every other school I submitted one academic and one professional (military) letter.
Yale 250
I wrote about a humbling experience where essentially the main takeaway was that I didn’t need to have an opinion/express an opinion on everything. I hit on the same anecdote in every single one of my interviews, and I think it was well-received.
Harvard Statement of Purpose
-I opted for a different approach contrary to what many recommended. I did not use my traditional Personal Statement for this topic. Instead, I went with a much more direct 1-page statement addressing why I no longer wanted to pursue the JAG Corps in the military (since I’m a reapplicant from a few years ago), and how now I want to clerk, work in big law for a few years to gain experience, and then be a federal prosecutor. There was a lot of good interview fodder from this statement that Dean KJ took an interest in.
PS/HLS Statement of Perspective
My Personal Statement was very reflective in nature on my past failures and moments of growth, and how offering and accepting help is crucial to such growth. I felt this fit the prompt of Harvard’s Statement of Perspective much better for me, as stated above. For my personal statements for other schools, the only modification was I had a paragraph inserted about why I wanted to continue in public service as a federal prosecutor.
Why UVA
I made crystal clear how UVA was one of my top choices, and I think they appreciated that. I did not want to run the risk of appearing like I was coasting on stats, which often leads to people getting waitlisted or denied at UVA and similar schools. I talked about how Charlottesville mirrored my state school undergrad, and how I loved that being an island of blue in a sea of red on the political lap brings with it a perspective you can’t find easily most other places. I also discussed my goals of wanting to practice in the south after law school, which added to the authenticity in my view.
Character and Fitness
Just own it. Don’t shift the blame. Be as concise about what happened as possible and take ownership of it. I got fired as an RA for hosting a party with other RA’s in my dorm room. It was about 5 sentences in length.
Georgetown Top 10
As a huge Survivor fan, I made a detailed top 10 winners list.
Interview Advice
It’s okay to be nervous. I fucked up the intro to my Harvard interview by saying something like “I guess it’s nervous to be normal” and we laughed about it.
-My Yale interview started 8 minutes late because we had audio issues connecting. I was panicking on the inside from embarrassment, but tried not to let that show to my interviewer (who I could see on video still). The interview went great and we talked for twenty minutes past my allotted time.
-My other feedback is to give good thought as to Why X school and why law school in general. In my Harvard interview, I said something along the lines of "A lot of people grow up dreaming of coming to this school, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't one of them. Even more than that, though, the size of Harvard's class brings with it a diversity of backgrounds and thought that you can't find as easily anywhere else. I remember reading about conservative students in the past enjoying now-Senator Elizabeth Warren's classes when she taught here. That coupled with Harvard having the highest student veteran population of any school make it a natural fit."
-As for the Georgetown interview, I think a good rule of thumb is to be respectful of the other applicants’ time and answers. Try not to talk more than anyone else in the group interview, and try to pay attention to what people say to show you’re listening.
-Finally, (and maybe I’m old fashioned) I think it’s generally polite and professional to send a quick thank-you email to your interviewethe admissions inbox. Don’t expect a response, but I do think it’s a thoughtful touch.

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I’m still embarrassed for how the relationship went and that I let her treat me. If anything I learned a lot from this relationship.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

I’m 32, I basically partied from 2010-2016 ages 18-24, worked as a bartender, waiter, odd meaningless jobs, until I started at the company I’m still at in 2016 where mostly all of my transferable skills are from. I’ve held 6 different positions/promotions here but I’m hitting a salary wall and don’t think I’ll make a leadership role anytime soon to break through that wall. My current resume shows Only this one employer and my 3 most important & recent roles. However, it looks like I’ve never worked anywhere else and I am wondering if that’s been a turn off.
Should I go back further and stretch the dates out? I do have other manufacturing experience from 2012 I could write in and make it look like
2016-present *current role *last role with current company *last role with current company 2013-2016 - previous manufacturer & title 2010-2012 bartenderetail work (not relevant experience at all though)
Thanks for any insight you can provide

Some of my family from Korea came to the US and we went to Las Vegas and Grand Canyon. I want to write them all letters. Did I write them ok?

미연언니 (older female cousin from my dad's side):

English You are so lively and funny! I love the way you talk and the stories you tell. Sharing the same room at Circus Circus was so fun even though you snore haha. When I go to Korea, please do my eyelashes and hair! And maybe learn some taekwondo from your husband that you love but don’t always like.
I hope I can go to New Zealand soon and hang out with your children. If they are like you, I know I will have a lot of fun.
Korean 언니는 정말 활기차고 재미있어요! 언니의 말투와 이야기하는 방식이 너무 좋아요. 서커스 서커스에서 같은 방을 쓴 것도 너무 즐거웠어요, 비록 언니가 코를 골지만요 ㅎㅎㅎ. 제가 한국에 가면 언니가 제 속눈썹과 머리를 해 주세요! 그리고 언니가 사랑하지만 항상 좋아하지 않는 그 남편에게 태권도도 좀 배워야겠어요.
뉴질랜드에 빨리 가서 언니의 아이들과 놀고 싶어요. 아이들이 언니를 닮았다면 정말 재미있을 것 같아요!

————

소연언니(older female cousin from my dad's side):

English I hope you get more time to rest because you took care of not only your daughter, but also me. You and your sisters took care of me too much! Every time you were in the kitchen, I would hear “and what about for Julie?” I’m so thankful that you don’t judge me for being vegan and instead accept who I am. With that heart, I know your daughter will become a wonderful woman as she gets older. At the very least, she will have a loving and supportive mom.
Korean 언니가 딸뿐만 아니라 저도 돌봐줘서 더 많이 쉴 시간이 생기길 바라요. 너와 네 언니의 저를 너무 많이 돌봐줬어요! 주방에 있을 때마다 "줄리는?"라는 말을 들었어요. 제가 비건이라는 걸 판단하지 않고 저를 있는 그대로 받아줘서 너무 감사해요. 그런 마음으로 언니의 딸도 나중에 멋진 여자가 될 거예요. 적어도 사랑과 지지를 듬뿍 받는 엄마가 있을 거예요.

———

혜연언니(older female cousin from my dad's side):

English The massage you gave me was so amazing haha! And the sauce for the soodubu too. Please share your recipe! I’m so happy I got to see more of your personality because it’s so fun and playful. I can see why my dad liked playing with you and your sisters back then. I also really enjoyed our conversation when we walked to the Bellagio fountain show. Even though I’m so bad at Korean, you were patient with me and didn’t make me feel ashamed for my broken Korean.
Korean 언니가 해 준 마사지는 정말 최고였어요 ㅋㅋㅋ! 그리고 순두부 소스도요. 레시피 좀 알려주세요! 언니의 성격을 더 알게 되어서 너무 기뻤어요. 정말 재미있고 장난기 많은 성격이네요. 왜 아빠가 예전에 언니들과 놀기를 좋아했는지 알겠어요. 벨라지오 분수 쇼로 걸어갈 때 우리의 대화도 정말 즐거웠어요. 제가 한국어를 잘 못하지만, 언니는 저에게 인내심을 가지고 부끄럽게 하지 않았어요.
————

큰엄마 (my uncle's wife on my dad's side):

English I was so cute to see you too shy to come inside the house for Mother’s Day until the rest of the family came. That made me realize how gentle and soft you are. And even though my Korean is really bad, you never made fun of me or got frustrated at me. You still continued to talk with me and ask me questions. I always get nervous when speaking Korean, especially with elders, but you remind me that I don’t need to be so fearful with family. Also, thank you for making all those side dishes! They were delicious and the best things I ate on the trip.
P.S: Thank you for taking care of grandma for so long. You have put in so much love and work for our family.
Korean 어머니의 날에 나머지 가족들이 올 때까지 집 안으로 들어오지 못할 정도로 부끄러워하는 모습을 보니 너무 귀여웠어요. 그 모습에서 큰엄마가 얼마나 부드럽고 온화한지 알게 되었어요. 제 한국어가 정말 서툴지만, 큰엄마는 절대 저를 놀리거나 화내지 않았어요. 여전히 저와 이야기하고 질문도 해주셨어요. 특히 어른들과 한국어로 대화할 때 긴장하는데, 큰엄마 덕분에 가족과는 그렇게 두려워할 필요 없다는 걸 깨달았어요. 또한 많은 반찬들 만들어 주셔서 감사해요! 정말 맛있었고 이번 여행에서 먹은 것 중 최고였어요.
P.S: 할머니를 오랫동안 돌봐주셔서 감사합니다. 우리 가족을 위해 많은 사랑과 노력을 쏟아주셨어요.

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큰삼촌 (my mom's uncle):

English My dad and I were talking about how much we loved having you! Sometimes, I get more nervous with older adults because my Korean is so bad and I mess up on showing respect to Korean elders. But you never minded that and made me feel comfortable. And thank you for also driving so much and paying for that meal at Grand Canyon. I'm sorry you got pulled over by the cops for speeding, that must have been so scary. But you didn't seem worried at all. You being so calm about it made us all feel less bad. Also, you were the only one with enough strength to not complain about walking so much haha. When we meet again, let’s work out!
Korean 아빠와 저는 큰삼촌과 함께 시간을 보낸 것이 너무 좋았다고 이야기했어요! 가끔 나이 많은 어른들과 함께 있을 때 제 한국어가 너무 서툴러서 존경을 제대로 표현하지 못할까봐 더 긴장되지만, 큰삼촌은 항상 편하게 대해 주셨어요. 그리고 많이 운전해 주시고 그랜드 캐니언에서 식사비를 내주셔서 감사합니다. 경찰에게 속도 위반으로 걸린 것 정말 무서웠을 텐데 죄송해요. 하지만 큰삼촌은 전혀 걱정하지 않는 것 같았어요. 큰삼촌이 그렇게 침착하게 대처해 주셔서 우리 모두 덜 불안했어요. 또한, 많이 걷는 것에 불평하지 않은 유일한 분이셨어요, 하하. 다음에 만날 때는 같이 운동해요!

———

작은고모 (my dad's sister):
English The massages you gave were one of the best parts of the trip haha. Also, just seeing your face, how you talk, how you move all made me so happy! Your cuteness brings me so much joy. And I’m glad you like to be around me because I love being around you. I wish I could have been with you more, but you always wanted to be next to 예진언니, like at the coaster ride, the Awakening show, and for sleeping. Next time, we have to sit next to each other and ride something together!
Korean 고모가 해 준 마사지는 여행 중 최고였어요 ㅎㅎㅎ. 그리고 고모의 얼굴을 보는 것, 말하는 것, 움직이는 모든 모습이 저를 너무 행복하게 했어요! 고모의 귀여움은 저에게 큰 기쁨을 줘요. 고모도 저와 함께 있는 걸 좋아한다고 해서 기뻐요. 더 함께 있고 싶었지만, 고모는 항상 예진 언니 옆에 있고 싶어 했어요, 롤러코스터 타기, 어웨이크닝 쇼, 잘 때도요. 다음 번에는 우리 서로 옆에 앉아서 무언가를 함께 타요!
————

예진언니 (my older female cousin on my dad's side):

English You take care of your mom so much. You are a great daughter. And also a great cousin to me. I really enjoyed our conversation at Grand Canyon. You are always open with me and easy to talk with. Also, I’m so happy you speak English haha. Speaking Korean takes so much effort for me, so when I was with you, I can rest a little more. I always feel comfortable around you. If I didn’t have you on this trip, I would have been way more stressed out. You’re just so awesome!
But next time, let me ride with 작은고모 and sit next to her at a show. I really wanted to see her reactions haha.
Korean 언니는 어머니를 정말 많이 돌봐줘요. 언니는 정말 훌륭한 딸이에요. 그리고 저에게도 훌륭한 사촌이에요. 그랜드 캐니언에서의 대화가 정말 즐거웠어요. 언니는 항상 저에게 마음을 열고 이야기하기 편해요. 그리고 언니가 영어를 할 줄 알아서 정말 기뻤어요, 하하. 한국어를 하는 게 저에게는 힘든데, 언니와 함께 있을 때는 좀 더 쉴 수 있어요. 언니 덕분에 여행이 훨씬 덜 스트레스받았어요. 언니는 정말 멋져요!
하지만 다음 번에는 작은고모와 함께 타고 쇼에서도 고모 옆에 앉고 싶어요. 고모의 반응을 보고 싶었거든요, 하하.

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한을 (my cousin's 8 year old daughter):

English We didn’t talk much because you’re still shy. But that’s ok, I understand. I’m a foreign stranger to you and you were the only child with 10 old people. It must have been a pretty boring trip for you, but thanks for not complaining too much haha. I’m really glad we got to ride that Canyon Coaster ride together. I loved seeing you so happy and lively. It was also funny when you told me I was going to fast and you were scared haha. It was also so cute to see you amazed at the Bellagio Fountain show. Seeing you get excited and happy made me excited and happy. Be good to your mom and aunts because they are very good to you. Sometimes they might get angry at you, like the time at Grand Canyon, but it’s because they want to protect you. Don’t be so shy next time we see each other. We can have more fun that way.
Korean 우리가 많이 대화하지 못했어요, 왜냐하면 한을이가 아직 부끄러워하니까요. 괜찮아요, 이해해요. 저는 한을이에게 낯선 외국인이고, 한을이는 10명의 어른들 사이에서 유일한 아이였으니까요. 한을이에게는 아마 좀 지루한 여행이었을 텐데, 불평 많이 하지 않아줘서 고마워요 ㅋㅋㅋ. 캐니언 코스터를 함께 타서 정말 기뻤어요. 한을이가 행복하고 활기찬 모습을 보는 게 너무 좋았어요. 그리고 제가 너무 빨리 간다고 무서워하는 모습이 재미있었어요, 하하. 벨라지오 분수 쇼를 보고 감탄하는 한을이의 모습도 너무 귀여웠어요. 한을이가 행복하고 즐거운 모습을 보니 저도 같이 행복하고 즐거웠어요. 엄마와 이모들에게 잘해줘야 해요, 그분들은 한을이에게 정말 잘해주시니까요. 가끔 그랜드 캐니언에서처럼 화를 낼 수도 있지만, 그건 한을이를 보호하려는 마음 때문이에요. 다음에 만날 때는 덜 부끄러워해요. 그러면 더 재미있게 놀 수 있을 거예요.

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I still feel very embarrassed for how I let her treat me and embarrassed that I didn’t know the relationship was toxic. If anything I learned a lot from this experience.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

This one is vague and I am trusting the internet.
Could be on Tumblr, Ao3, EFP, gosh even Wattpad.
Chris evans x ofc or y/n can’t really remember. Maybe she had her own name.
Anyways, Dom!Chris Evans and she’s either bisexual or fruity in some way.
It’s long. Like multi chapter long.
Don’t really remember how it starts but she is some sort of biologist? Maybe zoologist? She had a research collector thingy in the middle of nowhere that she used to track either animals or the soil at a certain point.
The fic talks a lot about Chris’ social anxiety. I kinda remember that in the fic, Chris decides to accept the role of captain America and the two of them deal with the fame that comes with it. Her family was not nice or kinda homophobic if I remember correctly.
He is a super confident in his masculinity so I remember them playing with his back door but he’s kinda insecure about their private relationship (I think) cause i think they had a thing about threesomes for a while but he got super jealous when they involved maybe Tom hiddleston in one of them? And the girly had a bit of a crush on him?
I am actually kinda certain about the Tom Hiddleston thing cause I think that they used their Loki and Captain America costumes to have their way with her for her birthday or something (I love how random the stuff i remember about it is).
I remember Chris being jealous of Tom actually so that was a thing they had to deal with.
She may have had a somewhat colourful wedding dress? Or colourful hair?
There may have been a photos leak of them in intimate positions/bdsm attire. That created D R A M A.
Another aspect I definitely remember is that they had a thing about jelly beans. They got pregnant a few times and lost the babies and Chris started tattooing jelly beans on his pectoral (like where his heart should be) for the angel babies. This Whump was sad and tragic but a great story line.
I think this is it. Would love to find it. Thank you :)