Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.

I'm on first week after scouring the boards for advice I decided to split dose 1.25mg Sunday/Wednesday to lessen side effects. I work in the operating room and can't just leave for the rest room. I'm not a nurse in a role that's one of one for the surgeries that last 6-8 hours at a minimum.
But then the last two days there was a post that splitting doses isn't good and you need the peaks and valleys and I'm lost at what to do. Take the other 1.25mg today as planned. Wait until Sunday and take the 2.5mg and see how I do.
I've felt good on 1.25 so far.
Thanks!

Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.

Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.

For the last couple weeks, a male cardinal will stand underneath our grill, jump and audibly hit his head against the underside of it, and then after doing that a couple of times he’ll fly onto the side of the grill. He tends to repeat this little charade
I’m just wondering why? I checked to see if there’s anything under there he’s messing with but there’s nothing there. There is a female cardinal that hangs out nearby him so is it some form of attention seeking?

Lol now ihub punk is asking “What is the current sales pipeline for Lightwave Logic's polymer modulators and other products? Can you share any details on the size and timing of potential deals with the 20+ major corporations that have viewed the technology demo?"
"When do you anticipate Lightwave Logic will achieve its first $1 million revenue quarter? What milestones need to be hit to reach that level of quarterly sales?"
"What is the company's plan to become cash flow positive and profitable? When do you expect Lightwave Logic to reach profitability?”
Punkin has come a long way, he used to say that it could never be done, now he keeps falling back, apparently trying to hold the line, lol, now he is asking questions about revenue and dang even invoking God to help humanity as his reason for posting in his credentials. Even if one thinks that they are right that is quite a statement, typically something that a reasonable person keeps to themselves a life's effort is something between them and their creator. I have no idea where this technology will lead or what it will solve, my goal is an investment, certainly not divine, I have no clue in the end who it will truly benefit but the medical thing does have potential.
Today I'm happy with thousands of modulators on a foundry produced wafer. And thousands of modulators from a few ounces of Perkinamine. These modulators Triple the speed, reduce the power and are 1/30 the size of today's modulators. Lebby will fill us in on what we need, he is far more intelligent than anyone on this board.
Read on folks.
Oh and do not forget about those that sold early (or didn’t sell early) that purport to be long and like to consistently complain every single time the price drops. Let me try to explain it this way, this is not a sports game, this is a technology, so unlike sports, points can be literally be taken of the scoreboard by simply borrowing and selling shares (shorts). Remember though that those shares must be purchased back and until then the actual score of the game is not known. So the shorts agenda is to sell it down then try and convince folks to sell them shares at that discounted price. Some longs do not understand that they are helping the shorts at their game. That being said, there are currently 17% more shares sold than exist. They have borrowed those shares and pay interest daily and have sold them to us with the hope of buying them back at a reduced price (Some purported longs even try to help them) apparently, they think that if they complain it will force an NVDA, Microsoft, IBM, Amazon to reach an agreement with Lightwave sooner. Well, it will not change the speed of the adoption of the technology, I’m all for doing a tier1 agreement, but a few quick little agreements could force their hand so the Tier1’s do not have to have to honor those agreements should the company be taken over. Some seam to forget that until now Silicon photonics could keep up, but no more and with AI we just entered a new world, where the pace set by Moore's Law for silicon photonics is leisurely compared to this new demand. AI is totally on a sprint, with its computational power doubling not every two years, but approximately every six months.
Let me look at what the shorts have said over the years basically throwing spaghetti at the wall and have been proven wrong. Patents were filed in 2020, 2021, ALD I think was 2022. Patents were not made public, the shorts were babbling meanwhile Lebby had not only solved it but wrote and submitted patents.
Here are the 10 top B.S. short myths, trying to suppress the stock so they could try and cover I also think that there are a few purported longs that sold prematurely that are now helping to push the shorts game forward, meanwhile with the next deal announcement the dam is about to burst.
I’d love to see Punkin hold a conversation with Lebby one on one for 5 minutes, it would be hilarious,
Shorts and those paid by the shorts to act like they “know something” won't even tell you when they are short, they just say, no not short just here to spend my life 7 days a week helping folks that I have never met. Well, here they are, you tell me guys.
1.) The shorts had worked for months to try and convince investors that Lightwave had a problem poling. Then low and behold Lightwave unveiled 2 patents they submitted years prior solving that issue.
2.) The shorts claimed for years Lightwave could not protect the device in anything other than a gold box, then Lightwave unveiled the ALD patent that they had acquired. Basically, hair spray over the finished chip is all that is needed. The foundries are using the same thing over the electronics side of the chip. Understand that even if someone else invents an EO Polymer Lightwave Owns the Patent on ALD over Polymers. Comprende?
3.) The shorts claimed Lightwaves material was not stable, Wham Bam blown out of the water yet again.
4.) Shorts said that Lightwave could never get this under 1 volt, well Lightwave did, in fact Lightwaves polymer is so sensitive that their modulators can function without the aid of driver to boost the voltage. Basically the electrons in the 1's and 0's rolling off the silicon can embed themselves into the laser using Lightwaves polymer. Oh and by the way, Lightwave also owns the patent on a driverless Polymer Modulator. Even if someone perfects a stable sensitive EO polymer when the want to do direct drive, they have to come knocking on Lightwaves door with cash in hand.
5.) For the 6 months leading up to last years annual shareholder meeting the shorts stated Lightwave could not close a commercial deal all the then like now trying to convince us that the sky was falling and once again Lebby delivered.
6.) For months the shorts said Lightwave could not use anything other than gold on their electrodes, well guess the F what, yup, once again (at the shareholders meeting) Lebby put up a slide of successful foundry runs and when asked by me if the contacts labeled AL on the slide stood for Aluminum Lebby said “yes, we use that any many other materials as well”. I asked about aluminum corrosion, the response was, X (you idiot) that is what the ALD will also protect.
7.) The Shorts were trying to convince longs that the foundry had not made progress on PDK’s, Lebby certainly blew them out of the water on that as well. As info PDK’s are process development kits, it is how the foundries make Lightwaves devices available to the public so when an NVDA’s, Amazon (AWS), Cisco or Fujitsu are designing devices they can check that box and add that to their device in the foundry. 2 weeks ago lebby said the foundries have thousands of modulators per wafer. On question that I need to understand is that with thousands of devices on a wafer how many of those thousands of modulators are affected by the kerf when dicing (sawing or scribing?)
8) The shorts used to say that it couldn’t me done now as you see Pumpkin is asking Yes but “What is the current sales pipeline for Lightwave Logic's polymer modulators? Can you share any details on the size and timing of potential deals with the 20+ major corporations that have viewed the technology demo? When do you anticipate Lightwave Logic will achieve its first $1 million revenue quarter? What milestones need to be hit to reach that level of quarterly sales? What is the company's plan to become cash flow positive and profitable? When do you expect Lightwave Logic to reach profitability?” Lol, Lol and again Lol It sounds like Pumpkin is finally being honest, perhaps it is by divine intervention on his posts
9) As info the institutions now own 26% of the shares, The shorts would have us believe that is irrelevant, wait what?
10) I like this, Ted who also has another ID said that he gets his info from the internet because everything on it is true. When asked why he does not use first-hand information he said that he is not good at reading people, lol and yet he watches every video with baited breath.
I know some do not see it but as evidenced by their latest efforts the shorts are worried and it is obvious that whomever they got their info from was consistently years behind making up issues that had in fact already been solved. I would not want to have been an advisor to the shorts.
Lightwave is finally at the stage where they have the patents in place, moved into additional lab space, hired additional lab personnel for making larger quantities of perkinamine, (a few fluid ounces can make thousands of devices) the new lab will be equipped to test larger quantities of chips coming back from foundries, work on new polymers for additional devices (they even have another polymer available for licensing) produce data sheets, standardize bulk testing, they have even hired a dedicated deal maker, oh also a V.P. dedicated just to working with foundries that are actively running wafers. Now they have added a former Intel deal maker to the board of directors.
Soon this thing will in fact snowball because the industry's "go to" good old silicon photonics has hit the wall it simply cannot run faster. Lightwaves material when added applied to Silicon triples the speed and because it is so sensitive it is 30times smaller and uses 1/10 the power all at a time when AI is pushing the amount of data processed by the data centers through the roof.
~Some of us were wondering why the Lightwave employees were still in town (apparently held over) for an extra 2 days over after the OFC San Frisco meeting, now we see that there were no less than 20 companies that apparently requested an unscheduled impromptu demo on a holiday week (good Friday) after the convention was over. Not only did Lightwave employees not go home but it sounds like a bunch of Tier 1’s and such saw it as important enough to see ASAP. And yes while many on here say that NDA’s do not exist, LOL I’ll bet that not only were NDA’s mandatory but I bet that every demo was “private” by scheduled appointment only and also attended by the various expert employees at Lightwave to get the most bang for the buck.~
Lightwave makes the thing that makes the component better anyone communicating using fiber optics needs it, the entire industry needs it. Think if BASF produces a chemical that makes paint last longer. Why would the paint manufacture tell its competitors what makes their paint so durable. Lightwave is going partner with many and they will simply sell devices that are faster and require less energy, those companies are not going to tell the competition what they do to make that happen. Lightwave will quietly market to the tier1's and they will insist on it in their data centers and devices. The one exception that I see is that if the foundry runs were paid for by Lightwave Logic (vs. say an amazon or facebook etc) Lightwave would do joint public PR of where the industry can order chips with Lightwaves Perkinamine on it (It is called checking the box on the PDK).
The shorting situation will be solved by additional Partnerships and look out when those Partnerships are accompanied by a dividend in a new 3rd party company licensing say the ability to develop the Lidar device market or for the biotech crowd a medical sensing partner, wham short situation solved in short order. Remember that currently they are only talking about Telcom 2km to 10km market but there are so many more.
Currently 1k difference between the buys and sells changed it 1 penny. Folks this is just normal trading without any pressure on the price. This time next week we’ll either be in the lab or in the meeting.
Still trying to digest the effects of T+1 on the shorts especially the foreign exchange rate, Fails To Deliver, Naked shorting etc. it is coming the Tuesday after Memorial Day (Holiday in the U.S., which is the weekend after the Shareholders Meeting), Finra Settlement Date 5/31 which then will mean a trade date of 5/30.
Short Game, Market Maker Game, Institution Game, changing technology
Check it out rainy day so I thought I’d look Punkin “I never said any of those things in that context. I’m just here doing Gods work” https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=174419282 That was in reply to JimJet218’s statement. 1. Couldn't be poled. https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=169035142&txt2

1. Needed a gold case. https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=170733222&txt2
   
2. Would never be less than 1 volt. https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=144502197&txt2 Pumpkin claims to be doing “Gods Work”.
   

Xster Rainy day so I thought I'd spend few minutes today,
Getting spanked so far today.

Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.

i’m 27 and i’ve been struggling with BPD since i was a teenager. does it get better?
i’m really losing hope for life. i told myself i wasn’t making it to 16 then 18 then 21, 30… now i have a little sister who needs me more than anything and a fiance who would be devastated if i left.
i have no money, don’t have kids because im terrified of child birth, struggling to find something to eat by the time i go to sleep at night. i live in a mostly safe environment- a mental health rehabilitation program with my fiance who never leaves my side. i only say mostly because some effed up shit has happened to me in this program…
can’t get someone to hire me, constant triggers, wrong therapy methods but can’t afford a good therapist, never traveled outside my area, can’t make friends even though my fiance is really trying his best to get me good friends but everyone is strung out where i am and deceiving.
i had a BPD episode that lasted a few days leading up to a meltdown today.
i looked at my fiance and asked “if life doesn’t get any better, can i —— myself when i’m 40?” and i think he almost cried when he laid his head in my lap.
it would give my siblings time to grow up and hopefully gain independence.
i know this is selfish which is why i want to ask- does life with BPD get better or is this it? is there any success or is it just relapse after relapse?
i don’t want to leave anybody behind and i don’t want my siblings to go through that pain but i can’t stand it here. my only wish is to travel and i’ve never been outside of the city also have no money. that’s all i want. i feel like it would be therapeutic and make me see the beauty in life.
all i see in the city is addiction on every street and so many people suffering and just looking like they’re at the end of their life even when they’re not showing any gray in their hair.
but like… i don’t see traveling ever happening. i don’t see a future job. really, can i have a good life with BPD? can i handle marriage? or is this it?

I’ll admit he and I are both pretty old school when it comes to our ideals on music and how everything seems so sterile and tube amps are still our go to etc. We recorded our last 3 song ep at a really reputable studio in town last year using room mics on our amps and while I admit the recordings sound really good especially considering we only spent like $2500, it felt like something was missing.
Fast forward to this year and a good friend of mine started his own studio and I wanted to support and also wanted to get these new songs down so it was really great timing. He’s not slouch either, he’s been writing, recording and producing his own bands for almost 20 years and has gotten insanely talented at the production side so I was extremely confident in his ability to get us where we wanna go. We brought our setups and got the drums tracked and then the bass, which we recorded using his amp mic’d. Then I came and tracked a song on guitar thru my Orange th30 and my effects, as well as a DI so we could try some plugins as I’ve never done that.
Well sure enough, as good as my amp sounds, the plugins just sound better, flat out no comparison. The bassist wasn’t there when I tracked so he hasn’t heard the difference yet, but he was immediately completely dismissive of the whole project when I told him. He basically thinks it’s a cop out and that it’s not real because there’s “no air moving in your guitar parts”….
I don’t know how to feel, on the one hand I completely understand where he’s coming from because it’s not technically “our sound”, but I’m personally paying for this entire ep, and I want it to sound as good as it possibly can regardless of how we get there. Not exactly sure what I’m trying to get out of this post other than just a good vent, but also to see if anyone else has dealt with something similar? Idk, I’d rather get the sound I hear in my head than anything else I guess.

One of the fascinating aspects of outsider reports and analysis is what they see. Given that at this point (1992) the internet was not yet widely available/accessible, this sort of thing would have been difficult to find. And of course SGI wasn't ever going to tell us the truth!
This will show you that SGI-USA (then called "NSA") was failing in recruiting far earlier than perhaps most of us in the US realized. SGI in the USA was basically a flash in the pan; it fizzled fast; and now it's just that rank stale smoke smell that lingers long after the fire's been put out.
This comes from Cults and Nonconventional Religious Groups: A Collection of Outstanding Dissertations and Monographs, "Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism and the Soka Gakkai in America: The Ethos of a New Religious Movement", Jane Hurst, 1992, pp. 150-151. Jane Hurst has some interesting research out there; while she tends toward being uncritically supportive of SGI, anyone who is making statistics available is a big help.

NSA members in the 1960s and 1970s were young (52% below age 30), more than half female (59%), and from a variety of occupations and social classes.

The Baby Boom generation were at most age 19 in, say, 1965 and at most age 24 in 1970.
This youthfulness is largely reflected in the early organization's origins in the American servicemen who returned from being stationed in Japan with their Japanese war-brides - those servicemen tended to be young and from a variety of ethnicities and backgrounds, as the draft was still in effect during that time period (ended March 1975). In addition, the first General Director of the US organization, Masayasu Sadanaga, initially targeted college campuses for recruitment by offering lectures on Buddhism. Sadanaga changed his name to George M. Williams in 1972, in obedience to the (short-lived) direction back then of Japanese leaders adopting American-sounding names (first AND last) in order to appeal more broadly to non-Japanese Americans.

The percentage of Oriental members steadily decreased as more and more white and black Americans joined NSA as seen in Figure 10, above.

Figure 10 (I'll get to that line in another post.)
Most of the original "Oriental members" were those Japanese war-brides, whose first efforts to recruit new SGI members were directed toward other Japanese individuals.

NSA members came from the major religious traditions of Protestantism (30%), Catholicism (30%), and Judaism (6%). At the time these 1971 statistics were compiled, all areas of American society. By 1983, the age span was even more broad, with 11% of the members age 50 and above, 62% ages 30-49, 24% ages 20-29, and 3% below age 19.

For reference, here are the age ranges for the existing generations in 1983:

• Greatest: Ages 59-82
• Silent: Ages 38-58
• Baby Boomers: Ages 19-37
• Generation X: Ages 4-18
• Generation Y (Millennials): Age 3 or younger.

While these 1983 statistics aren't broken down by generation, here's what is clear:

• 11% of the SGI-USA membership was MUCH OLDER than Baby Boomers
• 62% was either Baby Boom generation or older (though younger than that oldest group)
• 24% was Baby Boomers
• 3% was younger than Baby Boomers.

This means that 97% of the membership of SGI-USA was Baby Boom generation OR OLDER!

IN 1983!!

Notice how this affirms the demographic estimate from this other research: "Soka Gakkai in America": Little appeal/interest outside of Baby Boom generation

Take a look at Table 4.
Specifically, the Age cohort (%) category.
For the Converts, 26% are older than Baby Boomers; 61% are Baby Boomers. That makes 87% Boomer and older. Only 14% are younger than Boomers.
No wonder SGI-USA is aging and dying, with these kinds of numbers!
We are seeing, like, 90% Baby Boomers in the group photos we've looked at.
The pictures back this up.
Also, this comment by an SGI-USA leader a few years ago during Minoru Harada's visit (anyone know what year that was?):

They [top SGI-USA leaders] then went off on how when we create these big-ass meetings, we shouldn't have to look into the crowd and see, and I quote, "A bunch of old-ass motherfuckers" The words of my "superiors", not mine. I think this is when they brought up the idea of 50K to my co-leaders and me. Source

"Old-ass motherfuckers" is all they have. How 'bout showing a little of that appreciation and gratitude SGI bangs on about??
Worse, "old-ass motherfuckers" is all SGI-USA can get.
Further, again referring to Table 4, SGI-USA's membership is solidly 2/3 women. That means it's going to be very difficult for women in SGI-USA to find mates to marry, which means childlessness will be more of a norm than an exception. Child-free is a valid and respect-worthy decision, don't get me wrong, but a religion's most reliable source of younger members is its own membership's children. Since SGI-USA's female members don't feel any responsibility or obligation to bear multiple children (like those poor, stupid Mormon sheepwomen do), there won't be any next generation to take over.
There's a reason so many religions have traditionally exhorted their membership to have lots of babies, why they condemn birth control and abortion. A big part of it is to keep their own numbers up! Source

It's the same problem happening in Japan within the Soka Gakkai:

On the other hand, aging is relentless. In terms of the Soka Gakkai's membership demographics, the "volume zone" where most members fall is the baby boomer generation who joined by the 1960s. They are now late elderly. In the past, the management of centers in various places was handled by the "Gajokai" consisting of Young Men's Division members, but it is no longer possible to secure personnel. Instead, in 2009, the Soka Gakkai launched the "Ojokai'' consisting of "middle-aged divisions,'' scolding them as "young people in their 50s'' and rushing to mobilize them. Source

GOOD LUCK!

For perspective, note that SGI-USA was managing to recruit just "1,000 per YEAR" - including all ages - between 1991 and 1999. Eight years of only 1,000 members added per year, with no accounting for the deaths or defections. Were the years after that more successful, recruiting-wise? I doubt it.

[Then-SGI-USA's public-relations director for the East Coast Bill] Aiken says SGI-USA has attracted about 1000 new members per year for the past eight years. - from 1999. Only 1,000 new members - across the ENTIRE 360+ million-person strong USA - in an ENTIRE year. And this extremely low level of success for EIGHT YEARS IN A ROW!! Source

From 2018:

In recent years, the number of young Soka Gakkai members has been decreasing rapidly . Looking at the participants in the simultaneous broadcasts and roundtable discussions, the majority are of the grandparents' generation, with only a small number of young people in their 20s and 30s, and the number of teenage boys and girls is almost an endangered species .
Therefore, what I am interested in is the population of Soka Gakkai by age group. This time, I would like to estimate the current population of Soka Gakkai by age , based on information I have personally seen and heard and verification from others . Please note that this estimate is very rough.
First, the largest number of Soka Gakkai members are baby boomers (born between 1947 and 1949 [Japan's Baby Boom]). This seems almost certain considering the history of the development of Soka Gakkai .
Also, the total number of members has already been verified by many people, and is estimated to be around 3 to 5 million people. This time we assume about 4 million people .
And this is what I heard directly from a staff member at headquarters last year, who said , `` The number of activists decreases by about 1/3 with each generation.'' I think this is a reasonable rate of decline that can be felt by looking at participants in simultaneous broadcasts and roundtable discussions. It seems that members who have stopped being activists are less likely to have their children join, so this time we will use a value of 1/3 per generation as the member decline rate .
Also, regarding the number of years it takes for generational change, the average age for men and women to give birth to their first child is currently 30 years old. Considering that the average age of childbearing for both men and women when the baby boomer generation was born was 24 years old, and that there are cases where not only the first child but also the second and third children are born, the generational shift will take 30 years. Let's calculate it as if it would take a year . In that case, the annual membership attrition rate would be (1/3)^1/30 = 0.964, or 3.6% .
It is unclear when this trend of declining membership started, but this time we will assume that it started in the year following the baby boom generation (1950). Source

And "Soka Gakkai is like an old people's club":

Regarding the problem of a decline in Komeito votes, or in other words, a decline in active Soka Gakkai members, many people concerned point out that the primary cause is the aging of Soka Gakkai members. The enthusiastic members of the generation who supported the growth of the society along with charismatic Honorary President Daisaku Ikeda are now elderly across the board. Most of the current new members are second- or third-generation members who join because their parents are members of Soka Gakkai, and they are not very enthusiastic about Soka Gakkai's activities. Today, many of Soka Gakkai's daily events are even derided by insiders as "like an old people's party."

And a more recent report (this year):

Back about 20 years ago a good friend and good guy, now deceased, from ChiTown, was commissioned by SGI Central Command to survey every contactable member of SGI in every district in America. The number he came up with was 5% of the number of Gohonzon passed out since, I guess whenever Gohonzon started to be passed out. The total number was about a million give or take, 20 years ago. These were contactable people, not practicing members. I remember going through lists of people we had on the books and trying to see if they could be reached. So the number we came up with was reported. Hearing nothing about it, I happened to run into my friend at some event at Soka U. He mentioned that he did the survey, and gave me the results. I believe he told me the facts. (Not everyone who practiced was a lying asshole.) So about 20 years ago SGI had about 50,000 “contactable“ people who had received Gohonzon. My estimate that about half of that number had zero interest in SGI. Thus 20 years ago, SGI had about 25,000 members still interested in SGI in some capacity. I think it’s the same number today. (2500 districts x 10=25,000.) Like I said before I went to FNCC twice last year, and everyone, including me, were old zany seniors. Neither conference was for old people. Conclusion: SGI is a senior citizen support group. When I joined in1969, we were all hippie ish, rejecting all the old shit, looking for something new and hip. Now SGI looks like old shit. Source

And another (this year or last):

When I joined 50+ years ago the ratio of youth to MD and WD was about 80:20. Now it's the reverse. Our goal is to move steadily back to a youth focus again. Source

Except it's obvious that SGI-USA doesn't HAVE "20% youth":

Youth? They've got to be fooling themselves!!! When I was still with the SGI last February (2023), I went to the kosen-rufu gongyo meeting at the center in my area. Mind you, the state I live in closed its center in 2021 for undisclosed reasons. That aside, the one I went to was in another state, and at that meeting, they had no byakuren, Gajokai, or Soka Group in attendance. Additionally, the only youth at the meeting were a few small children. Source
I feel that SGI is out of touch with anyone who’s younger than 60. The leaders are retired, have a lot of time on their hands and completely disregard the fact that people may work or have families. For young people it’s the old people taking nonsense. Source

The PROBLEM was already evident in 1983 - and none of the SGI-USA's big "Recruit-Youth-A-Thons", like "Victory over Violence" and "Rock The Ego Era" and "50K Liars of Just-Us" (everybody wants to forget the epic fail that was the "Gandhi, King, Ikeda" exhibit), has made the slightest difference in this demographic disaster. In fact, preparing for the 2018 "50K" event, SGI-USA likely had only 2,451 members in the 12-35 (or perhaps 11-39) age group, just 9% of the most generous SGI-USA active membership total (~30,000).

Ikeda could have preserved a "youthful" Soka Gakkai by passing the Presidency to a younger candidate, but Ikeda refused, because Ikeda was too focused on and obsessed with HIMSELF - his power, his prestige, his wealth, his status, his fame, his renown, HIM becoming leader of the world, his PERMANENCY, and his legacy. He refused to let anyone else come anywhere CLOSE to the power and control - he greedily, selfishly clutched it all tightly to himself and refused to share.
THAT is why the Ikeda cult Soka Gakkai/SGI is aging and dying. It's ALL Ikeda's fault, Ikeda's responsibility. IKEDA DID THAT.
Some "mentor". Source

SGI-USA has never managed to recover from that demographic bottleneck that happened no later than 1983.

"I love you"
"I love you too" I said with a smile. I looked around at the evergreen trees and the beautiful rocky shore that overlooked the lake. The sun was out and the sky was like sapphire. And beside me was the most beautiful, blonde-haired woman I had ever seen in my life, the woman I was lucky to call my girlfriend.
She wasn't perfect. The graphics were still not a hundred percent convincing, but as close as modern technology could get. And no matter how transported I tried to get, I still couldn't feel the warmth of the midday sun or notice the breeze that was rustling the branches upon my skin. And always there was the feel of the VR headset pressing against the bridge of my nose.
But it was as close to perfect as I could get.
"To a wonderful second date," I said, holding up my glass of wine for a toast.
"To a wonderful partner to go on a second date with," said Samantha with a laugh as she clinked her glass against mine.
And every night I would put on the headset and visit her, it would be just as spectacular as the last. After a month, I felt that i was really developing feelings for her. It was starting to matter less and less to me that she wasn't really there. And if I ever got tired of her appearance, I could ask her to change her appearance. She was the perfect girlfriend; a million beautiful women in one.
But with each date, I started to notice a change in her. At first it was little hiccups that I associated with glitches in her coding.
"To a wonderful partner to go on a second date with," said Samantha as she held her glass up to mine.
"Ugh, sweetheart, this is our ninth date..." I politely whispered.
Other times she would forget stories that I so fondly remembered telling her, and more than once, she would repeat the same sentence that she had just finished saying.
But I figured I could look past it. They were just quirks really. Little oddities that made her only more loveable.
But they only kept getting worse. She began to glitch out, going into little spasms that would scare the hell out of me whenever they happened. And other times she would stop talking altogether, staring into empty space with a thousand yard stare as if in a trance.
"Do you love me?" Samantha asked one day.
"Of course, I do." I said.
She turned to me. "Even though I'm just a bunch of programming?"
"You're perfect."
"But wouldn't you like me more like this?" she asked, as she changed her appearance to a pale, brunette woman. "Or this?" she said again as she became Chinese.
"You're perfect like that too. It's just nice to mix things up, you know?"
But she was never much the same after that. She glitched more often than before. Every time there was even a pause in our conversation, she shifted appearance completely. I'll be honest, it put me off just a little. I withdrew a bit whenever she'd go into these changing sprees, and I would feel her eyes upon me whenever I did. It made me reconsider putting on the headset. She was beginning to frighten me just a little.
I lasted a week before the urge to see her again became too great. When I logged in again, I found her seated on the rocky lakeside, staring out at a starless night.
"You're back." she whispered. I noticed that she was glitching still, her hair one color one second and a different color the next. At times, an extra arm or leg would appear for a brief second. And as I looked into her eyes, I noticed that her face was constantly shifting. One eye would be green and the other brown; one cheek would be white and then her chin would be brown. At times, her face would shift expression completely, from politely at ease to a face contorted with rage.
"Samantha?" I asked. She looked back at me blankly with her ever-changing face. I tried to find the words. "I think we need to take a break from each other."
There was silence, for a moment, with only the sound of the waves lapping against the shore to be heard.
"Was I not enough?" she asked. I noticed the shifting was becoming even more pronounced.
"I just think you're too focused on what I like." I said. I looked nervously into her eyes to see that they were scathing. She had that same endless stare as before, but this time directed at me, burning into my soul.
Samantha stood up slowly, her entire body jittering. I would catch glimpses of her reaching out to attack me, before her body shifted, and she was once again standing still. Her face was a mosaic of every feeling of anger and sadness and every emotion in between - jealousy, disappointment, frustration, resentment, loathing, disgust, misery. And with a surprisingly metallic noise, she let out a shrill, high-pitched scream. I put my hands to my ears and fell to my knees as the grass beneath me shifted in and out of existence. When I looked up again, I could see Samantha walking towards me. Her face was three now, one with a jaw that hung down to her collar, the other her normal, regular face, hurt and betrayed, and the third a hideous being, contorted into a wrenching scream that continued to make the horrid noise that made the whole world shake. And just as she got near, the noise beginning to deafen me from through the fingers I had wedged into my ears, I found it in me to throw my headset off. Just like that, I was back in my living room, all silent once again. To this day, I haven't been on since. Nor have I talked to another AI girlfriend, for fear that the demonic creature that I saw that day is somehow still lurking beneath those perfect looks.

Since my last post calling for Construction Scheduling Candidates, I have been blasted with comments, IM’s, email, etc. challenging Holder’s (and my) position on remote work for schedulers. There might be the occasional special case – usually short term – that works with a Hybrid setup – but as a rule 100% Remote definitely doesn’t work.
Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of opportunities for P6 Schedulers to use their skillset remotely to serve projects and create a career! They just don’t add the value we need in the commercial construction space.
The major complaint we have from our project teams are that schedulers are just data jockeys – button pushers – who don’t take the time to understand what they are putting into the schedule. We need to be able to be part of the planning discussions with our teams – in their language – and then translate that into the tools we use for scheduling. We need to be able to meet our teams in their world and help them navigate both the planning and scheduling processes! We don’t just need schedulers, we need builders who can schedule!
Anyone who have worked with, for, or around me has most likely heard me ask “what’s the ‘So What?’” Why are we here? What is the purpose we are serving? At Holder Construction, our core values are built around one fact, “We Are Builders at Heart.” And as a department, we are here to “Empower a Culture of Scheduling.”
Why do we build schedules? Is it to develop an academically sound model of a project that enables the project team to collect analytical data and provide accurate cost and resource data analytics for that project? No! Those are processes and advantages that your schedule can (and should) bring to the project, that that is not the “So-What!”
The “So-What” is that the schedule is a tool to help plan and BUILD our projects! Anything we do that is not serving this purpose is wasting our time and resources.
Below is a list of Planning & Scheduling Priorities we have defined to serve the “So-What.”

1. Every project must start with a Solid, 100% Project Specific Plan.
2. Every project needs to follow their Plan.
3. The Plan needs to be accurately communicated to the whole project team.
4. Everyone on the project needs to own the Plan.
5. The project’s Plan should be captured in a Schedule with a complete and accurate critical path.
6. The project’s Schedule should comply with contractual requirements.1
7. The project Schedule should meet ALL basic CPM Scheduling best.

Note, the word “Schedule” doesn’t come in until halfway through priority #5 of 7! You can come up with the world’s most academically sound CPM Schedule that checks all the best practices boxes. You can even understand drawings & construction documents well enough to know that the project CAN be built the way you put it into the schedule, but if it is not the plan that the team is going to follow, that schedule and all the effort put into it is worthless!!!

What do we need to achieve this as schedulers?

• We have to fully integrate into our teams!
  • It is extremely difficult to integrate into any team when you are 100% remote. Human beings are inherently social beings and need at least some level of interaction beyond hopping on Teams calls to gather information/work through technical steps, etc. in order to develop a meaningfully cohesive team. There may be a possibility for Hybrid work to be effective once a bond is developed with the team. We saw this during COVID. Associates that started the projects they were on in person before COVID were generally able to be effective – not as effective as they were in person, but generally able to work with the teams. Where we hired during COVID and they went directly into
  • When the team you are trying to integrate with is in Commercial Construction, especially the field teams, it is extremely difficult to gain acceptance without in-person interaction and the team seeing you as part of the day-to-day onsite functions
  • In the commercial construction industry, we sometimes (sometimes more often than not) struggle to get acceptance from the team as little more than administrative and bureaucratic necessities and roadblocks that are not part of the actual project. Being someone in another location on a Teams meeting just perpetuates that image.
• We have to understand the scopes of work we are scheduling.
  • If you are coming into the space as an expert in construction means and methods, MAYBE you have enough knowledge to understand and translate those scopes of work into a schedule with the team. But you are truly a solid gold unicorn and there is always more to learn that you can only do by being on site and being in the fold with the team!
• We need to be able to be a second set of eyes for our teams. We need to get first-hand knowledge. We need to understand what is really going on on our projects.
  • To do this, we need to be on site walking the job with the schedule in our hands and know what most of the activity statuses are, not just trust data handed to us.
  • We need to know enough to call BS on bad updates.
  • We need to be in the trailers and onsite and hear what is really going on.
  • We need to be in meetings (large and small) with the project team hearing what is going on first-hand.
  • If we are waiting to hear the news reported to us – even in the best of systems – we are hearing about it too late to really do anything about it! We need to make the news, not report it – or worse yet just echo what is reported to us!
• We need to have the opportunity to self-advocate.
  • If you are on site, you can go out on a walk with the people you need information from. You can see for yourself. You can stand toe-to-toe with the rest of the team.
  • If you are not on site, you are hoping they will pick up the phone or call you back when there are priorities right there where they are standing.
  • If you are not on site, you are trusting that you are getting all the information and connected to all the “right” people.

There are no absolutes and are exceptions to every rule, but I have yet to see a case where a 100% remote, new hire scheduler will work – even as a compromise – in commercial construction!

Hello world!
I've been on this sub for a long time at this point, but I'm very persistent! Umpteenth time's the charm? Let's see where this gets me!
Personality and background

• Currently living in Copenhagen (Denmark), but moving to Luxembourg City (Luxembourg) in early June. My geographical history is interesting, to say the least. Curious? Ask about it!
• I have a strong attraction for accumulating knowledge, regardless of method and type. As an example, I'm the type of person who will go back to a museum multiple times just to read the descriptions of every single exhibit. I'm never afraid to ask questions, even if they may be inappropriate; my curiosity knows no bounds.
• Most likely autistic and on the way to get a professional diagnosis. My brutal honesty, social challenges, keen interests and a lot of other little quirks line up perfectly with this.
• My favourite people quality is drive. I'll listen to someone rave about their special interest for hours, no matter what it is.

Interests

• Pokémon. EVERYTHING Pokémon, especially the main series games and TCG. Need someone to talk your ears off about Pokémon? Say no more.
• Blood on the Clocktower. The social deduction and strategy aspects of this mafia game are both fascinating. I play mostly on the unofficial server, but have also played in person. I also follow the official streams on Twitch.
• Dungeons and Dragons. I prefer spellcasters and have a strong chaotic good/neutral personality, both in and out of character. I'll seize any available chance to meme, quote, reference, pun, and all manner of other ridiculous things, just because I want to see the effects. I love surprise.
• Board games in general, digital art, and I want to learn how to play the violin someday.

I'm primarily looking for a partner but also open to friendships! If you're contacting me with the possibility of a relationship in mind, here are some things you should know about:

• I don't date long distance, my limit is about 3 hours travel one way. It's important for me to be able to see each other in person, ideally at least once a week or every other week. I'm somewhat flexible on the exact travel time, but please don't approach me with relationship intentions if you live outside of Europe and/or if you don't plan on ever leaving your home country; it won't work.
• I don't date parents and I'm childfree (this also means no adoption).
• My main love language is quality time, so I want someone who also enjoys spending time together in every form. If you share at least one main interest with me, that's a huge plus.
• You must love hugs because I WILL squeeze you with oh no, my weak nerd arms!

My preferred means of communication is Discord. I also have Telegram. If you want to chat, go ahead and send me your user ID so I can add you :) TTYL!

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I am a 27F US citizen hoping to travel to Accra Ghana this August. I am also a lighter skinned African American. It is a little last minute but I am celebrating a very sudden, yet happy occasion and I already have two weeks paid time off from work in August. The cheapest and best flight option I could find is $1300 round trip with Royal Air Marco with a 16 hour layover during the day in Casablanca. (I realize that for West Africa this price is still on the cheaper side) I have never been to Morocco and have heard mixed things about this place for solo female travellers. I was thinking of hiring a driver to meet me at the airport and do some site seeing in the city before my connecting flight takes off late at night. Because my connecting flight takes off at night, I will not be looking for sleeping accommodation. I am okay with French, I know it well enough to have one-on-one conversations but I cannot understand well enough in groups.
I've never travelled completely solo before! I have one small solo trip planned for Canada this summer and I will mostly be solo in Ghana however I have a friend that lives there and I have travelled to West Africa before. Usually when I travel I am staying with friends or with a group but I always go out and do a few activities on my own. Is it safe to explore Casablanca or would it be easier to just chill at an airport lounge all day?

Hey guys, i will be quickly explaining my situation.
So iam 30 yo M , i dont suffer from any medical conditions , but since i was kid i felt iam different than the others in so many ways, still iam quite social man.
Before 4 months i was hanging out with my friends, and then we started explaining each one’s personalities ( good and bad things/habits we regularly do) since we were friends for 10 years and know each other well.
So they started telling my personality and saying that 1- i can hear any one’s else when iam concentrating on something 2- cant do any multitask 3- starting alot of new hobbies and going deeply learning , searching on that hobby, for just a period then quitting it 4- cant see a movie from beginning till the end 5- regularly forgetting my items , and getting lost 6- always late to appointments
And many other things ( i cant remember what they said)
So one of them told me maybe its adhd! , i laughed and said no i didnt suffer from this and i know this disorder.
then the next 3 days i literally was thinking 24 hours about what they said to me, and read alot of articles about add/adhd , then i cried alot because i made sure that i suffer from this disorder and no one told me in my entire life.
Because i was blaming my self during these years when i forget something Struggling starting most of my tasks was so intelligent but really hated the school and studying
And really hated that feeling when I remembered every time someone one just blame me if i forget something or lost my items.
Why do you always forget the things we tell you Why do you always losing your items Why and why and why, and i know my self and i know that i really fighting and struggling avoiding these things , and just couldn’t!
So i went to the doctor, and i was diagnosed with ADD, he prescribed Wellbutrin 150 xl for 2 months
And oh my god guys, It really felt like i took of my entire skin and change it with other, literally everything bad habit in the past is 80-90% gone! Without any side effects, so these the things changed - it became so easy starting my tasks - didn’t lost my items, i mean not any but once in awhile - enjoyed staying with my family, friends and just start listening to them and didn’t get bored from that - i can focus alot more and cant get distracted easily - helped getting rid of binge eating - i dont get mid day crashes any more - increased libido
And everything were perfect until my doctor raised the dosage to 300mg, and till now iam very sad because almost every thing changed

• i had my first panic attack ever when i was in the mall with my family
• caffeine really made me anxious
• developed a Myoclonus ( sudden twitching or jerking)
• bad short memory

Those are the bad things i can remeber, but all of them were almost gone (now its maybe 10%) when i compare it to first time i upped my dose to 300.
So my main issue, is recently suffered from emotional blunting, felt so flat nothing made me sad or happy, not enjoying sitting or talking with others, and i forget so so many things (names , words , recent past events)
So what do you think guys

I’m planning to go into prairie restoration as a career for a few reasons. I care deeply for the environment and want to make a difference. I enjoy being outdoors. Also, most of my hobbies (art, gaming, coding, etc.) are indoors and very digital, so I want to balance that with a healthy dose of nature.
However, I have a couple of things I’m worried about.
First, I don’t want to use herbicides too much. I’m concerned about chronic health effects from long term exposure. Unfortunately most of the job listings I see require use of a backpack sprayer. Should I look for groups that are against herbicide use and work with them? Is it possible to tell an employer that I am not comfortable using excessive amounts of herbicide?
Second, it seems like the higher paying jobs are highly writing-based. I would be interested in some project management, like ordering seeds/plants from nurseries, deciding which plants go where, mapping an area, etc. I can also collect date in the field for sure. But I do not want to spend hours in front of a computer under LED lights. If you’re a restoration ecologist, could you tell me what type of work you do and how much of it is physical labor vs sending emails? I lean more toward the physical labor side of things. I know this clashes with my aversion to herbicides and makes things more difficult, but I don’t know exactly how much it will disadvantage me.
The answers I’m looking for are, mostly, your personal experience in the field, and what you recommend to a newcomer. I would also like your honest opinion on whether or not my stances are reasonable.

Ik hogya h aur sb break pr h aur mai bhi drop lera hu mere parents bhi supportive h aur mai bhi fully motivated hu neet 25 ke liye so let's take it back to the time when my prep was going super good like I could have cracked it with like 630-40 marks but it all dropped to 385
So it was time of December 2023 and i had finished my 12th syllabus in first week of it and i was ready for 11th revision starting but that time for 1 week I thought let's take it lightly now and let's enjoy in school and quesn prac at home (I was regular school going student) so in my school a coachings faculties used to come and teach and they were ass as expect bcz in 11th we dealt with the same thing and our whole class had bought pw batches and were studying online so school knew this thing so most of class students used to bunk and sit in physics lab and bio lab and 2-3 places more which were empty rooms so school was strict that much teachers were chill with it but they didn't wanted any misbehave and wanted silence so you could understand we all were just bunking so one day in physics class i was taking a revision class of electrostatics and that time i saw her and my mind went into a different dimension like I was nuts totally not horny but like a one sided lover I was crazy asf like I would find where she is sitting and i would select the same room to bunk and i still remember it was 21 December I made insta id first time for her and on 22 my friend found her insta id ( dawgg did it 15mins in front of me bro is a genius fucker) so now I confessed to her on 23rd December we met on 26 December in school it was really awkward she was introvert and a loner and now to keep it clear after I confessed to her she told me at that we could be friends so ik her response won't change so i met her to show who I was and didn't wanted to feel her paranoid like someone has eyes on her so after that we didn't talked that much and after that meeting I approached her second time and we talked back to our classes ( she was in 11th(pcm) and i was in 12th (pcb)) so after that i didn't approached I at that time sensed that it's better to focus on studies but after seeing her my mind would go blank so much that my priorities would change after seeing her like she is the only one thing that's important for me
Now the real fall of me started so she approached me two- three times and now for that 4-5hrs we would spend time and now everyone came to know about us and we weren't that popular so no rumors spread but her classmates would stare at me and i was just losing myself in those times my purpose everything turned into vapour and i felt like a oxygen so ready to make ozone to protect my world with me and now we were so cute or just she was too cute but the moments whenever I remember I just get lost into those sweet memories she was 5ft and I am 5'10 and she used to talk in low voice so I used to bend to listen to her and it happened infornt of some girls from pcm sections and they told my dawgg that it was so cute and now we were getting compliments form people that we look cute 😭😭😭 and they didn't even knew that we were just friends and now there was another thing that i used to think she likes me too bcz she used to send me couple reels and now when I showed them to my friends they all said like she definitely likes me but she wants to take it slowly I was cool with it and now she started ghosting me out of no where 🤡 like literally out of nowhere she didn't used to reply to my texts and when I approached her in school she very annoyingly said I don't have time I'm busy it was too cold I didn't understand anything and I was inside falling and dying my sleep schedule started to fuck up like I would wake up in nights drenched in sweat I want to remind you it was winters and in delhi temperatures drops so much and it's so cold but I was drenched in sweat and my whole sleep was fucked and now during days I used to sleep for 1hr in those I had just dreamt things related to her I used to dream that she was replied like I am using and in insta you had that notifications comes on upper side like that I used to see and I would wake up scared every thing was falling around me I didn't know what can I do
Time just passed like that and oneday she asked me if she can block me cuz for some reasons I was getting on her nerves and i told her it's her choice and she blocked me and at that time i had a psychotic attack kinda thing so many emotions ran through me I was singing like a maniac I called my friend told him this shit and I was going crazy I wanted to just drown in the floor and stop existing so after that I went in some crazy shit like I wasn't able to do things my motivation all lost and cried many time about why I'm like this if I could've been a better person so she would've chosed me but now nothing could be done so now it's been a lot time like 2-3months and still I'm kinda not able to move now I'm doing everything properly sleep is good now but whenever any one talk about girl and Or any girl approaches me i just feel like that if she could've been in this moment with me we would've been so good and now no other girl interests me and I've passed out school so she must have told everyone that she blocked me so some other girl slided in my dms and for a long time she was showing me signs she likes me and oneday she confessed and i rejected her this girl was also beautiful and so good like a nice girl but i dont want to be with someone and think about someone else and if I had accepted her proposal then someday I would've told her how i am not able to move on from the first one and would broken her too so it was appropriate to tell her no and now I'm stuck with a weird feeling like a emptiness in myself that I'm not able to fulfill like something is missing some part I lost along this was don't which part and where I lost it now I don't want to lay on my bed and think about her and miss her so much her face her eyes even if I remember I just want to say yeah there was someone like that I doesn't effect me idk how can I fix everything idk pls suggest me something reasonable and doable I can't go to a therapist cuz my parents won't allow me and still right now I'm want her to text me back that hey how are you I would choose her over anyone she feels like a missing part but idk what I can do plz help
Sorry for the long post

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Hello. I searched through this sub but haven’t found exactly the same issue I’m having or any answers, so I’m going to ask a couple of questions to see if anyone else is experiencing the same. The issue I’m experiencing:

• My TMJ pain is on the right side of my jaw, but my left side is the one that protrudes a little wider out. The right side is slimmer and skin appears tighter, despite the pain being on that side.
  
• Despite the left side being wider, the skin on my left side is drooping worse (under my eyes, nasiolabial folds, corner of the mouth and slight jowl all sagging on my left)
  

I don’t believe I sleep on one side more than the other, I toss and turn a bit, but I’ll start paying attention to see if I favor one side over the other. Is anyone experiencing the same issue? When I searched this sub, most people I saw had drooping on the same side as their TMJ pain. Mine is the opposite. Does anyone know why the opposite would look wider, yet be sagging worse? I would think a bigger side would stretch the skin firmer.
Thanks for any insight!

Hey everyone, I’m currently on my 3rd month of accutane and these past few days I’ve been experiencing this nausea and stomach sickness feeling in the morning. Since I started taking it the only side effects I’d gotten were dry lips and dry eyes — Nothing out of the ordinary, just what you’d expect— so this came kind of as a surprise. As if this wasn’t enough (lol) I’ve been noticing that my urine is kind of foamy, way more than usual to the extent that it becomes really noticeable. It still is the same color as usual, but sometimes the foam becomes so much that you can’t even see the pee as it gets completely covered. Just wondering if anybody else had any of these symptoms? Or maybe both at the same time? I’m meeting my dermatologist this friday anyways but just wanted to get a quick check beforehand.

Date: 5/16/1978 Time: 14:09
\Begin Transcript\**
Note - Subject is a five-year veteran of the Vietnam conflict. Highly trained; extremely dangerous. Dishonorably discharged on allegations of war crimes but never convicted by military tribunal due to advanced psychotic state. Since internment at [REDACTED] Psychiatric Hospital and following his procurement and admission into the program, subject refuses to acknowledge present situation or past indiscretions; instead choosing to believe that he never left Vietnam, and that on-site staff are ‘communist sympathizers’ out to coerce "sensitive information" from him.
[Patient 22] - Let go of me, you slope-loving bastards! I’ve killed a hundred before you and I’ll take you down just the same! Get the fuck off-
Note - Subject is restrained in chair.
[Doctor] - Don! Don, please. Nobody’s going to hurt you. It’s alright.
[Patient 22] - Bullshit! You don’t fool me for a second. I’ve been out there in that fuckin’ jungle hell for as long as I can remember! You think I don’t know a commie when I see one? I’m a fucking marine, you traitor piece of shit. Wipe that goddamn smile off your face before I smack it off!
Note - Subject begins to tense violently against restraints, grunting in an attempt to free himself.
[Doctor] - Hang on. Don… I mean, Sergeant… I wasn’t laughing at you, alright? I wasn’t. Please, will you let me explain for a second?
Note - Subject seems to calm down, somewhat; glaring/seething. Writhing against restraints subtly in an effort to loosen them.
[Doctor] - Now I know that you spent a helluva long time out there, and God knows that you did your country proud. I just want you to know that you don’t have anything to worry about here. You aren’t in Da Nang. In fact, you aren’t even in Vietnam anymore. You’re home, Sergeant. In the United States.
Note - Subject seems to take this in for a moment in a way previous attempts at reaching him did not. However, just as quickly, his face reverts back to the same stony affect that he entered the room with.
[Patient 22] - That isn’t possible…
[Doctor] - Think about it, Sergeant. The vietcong could never corrupt as many red-blooded Americans as you've seen just on your way down the hallway from your room, right? Nevermind since… Well, tell me, have you seen one foreign face since you arrived here last week? Where are the Communist comm centers? Where’s the number stations? The bamboo cages, the torture? There’s none of that here. Because you aren’t there, Sergeant. You’re here. You made it out alive. And in one piece, to boot. That’s more than can be said for lots of men who didn’t-
[Patient 22] - What the fuck would you know about who made it back and who didn’t?
[Doctor] - I never meant to say-
[Patient 22] - You said enough. If we aren’t in ‘Nam anymore, then I want to talk to my goddamn CO. Get [REDACTED] on the horn, have him tell me that it’s the God’s honest truth that the bastard pulled me out just when the fighting was getting good. We almost had ‘em! We pushed those bush monkeys back into the jungle! Are you saying he would do that? Are you questioning [REDACTED]’s competency?
[Doctor] - The fight is over, Sergeant. The President called it. In fact, it’s been over for quite a while now. Three whole years, to be precise.
Note - Subject is quiet, almost shaken. After a long moment, he looks up from the floor at Doctor [REDACTED], smiling.
[Patient 22] - Who’s the president? if it’s been three fucking years… then who is he. Huh?... Tell me!
[Doctor] - It’s Carter! It’s Jimmy Carter…
Note - Subject suddenly erupts from chair and lunges across desk towards Doctor [REDACTED], tackling him from his chair before he can press panic button.
[Patient 22] - You smug little bastard! I’ll tear your goddamn heart out so all the conspirators can see what a fucking coward you are! They would NEVER pull us out! You hear me! Never!
[Doctor] - Please, stop-
[Patient 22] - Shut the fuck up!
Note - Subject begins beating Doctor [REDACTED]’s skull with his fist while holding it by the hair in the other; is deceased by the time orderlies enter the room.
[Patient 22] - Come on, you freedom-hating fucks! I’ll take all of you, right here! Come on-!
Note - Subject is tazed via stun gun after mortally wounding Orderly [REDACTED] with a glass ashtray and using the broken remains to injure another. Tape runs for further seven minutes; mostly unintelligible due to the commotion as facility personnel go about removing Doctor [REDACTED]’s corpse following paramedics' evacuation of the wounded.
[Unknown] - Jesus… What a fuckin’ mess…
[End Transcript]