So like everyone here I watched the yesterday's presentation, new lightweight "GPT-4 level" model that's free (rate limited but still), wow great, both the voice clarity and lack of delay is amazing, great work, can't wait for GPT-5! But then I saw (as always) excellent breakdown by AI explained, started reading comments and posts here and on Twitter, their website announcement and now I am left wondering why they rushed through presentation so quickly.
Yes, the voice and how it interacts is definitely the "money shot" of the model, but boy does it do so much more! OpenAI states that this is their first true multi-modal model that does everything through single same neural network, idk if that's actually true or bit of a PR embellishment (hopefully we get an in depth technical report), but GPT-4o is more capable across all domains than anything else on the market. During the presentation they barely bothered to mention it and even on their website they don't go much in depth for some bizarre reason.
Just the handful of things I noticed:

• It's dramatically better at generating text on an image than dalle-3. As everyone who has tried it, dalle-3 is better than anything before it, but the model falls apart after at most 5 words. This is a massive improvement, but not only that but it also is able to iterate on the image. There are still mistakes (eisé instead of else, keyboard letters are not correct) but boy it's such a big jump. And I am willing to it's not just text but images also will have dramatically less errors in them
• You are able to generate standalone objects and then give it to interact with, what's strange to me is that they hid the fact it's a new conversation under a hover icon! You know what that means, you can give it any image and ask it to manipulate with! And the model does a fantastic job of matching the style of the thing given.
• It's able to generate images to create 3D reconstruction
• It's able to generate images with modifications, if you look closely it's you'll notice it's not the same coaster, it's not doing inpainting or anything, it's generating it from scratch but the fact it's able to make it look like the original shows so much potential.
• It's able to summarize 45 minute video with lots of details (I am very curious if this if this will be possible on chatGPT website or only through API and if so how much would 45 minutes cost and how quickly would it able to do it)
• The model is as good or better than SOTA models

And of course other things that are on the website. As I already mentioned it's so strange to me they didn't spend even a minute (even on the website) on image generating capabilities besides interacting with text and manipulating things, give us at least one ordinary image! Also I am pretty positive the model can sing too, but will it be able to generate one or do you have to gaslight ChatGPT into thinking it's an opera singer? So many little things they showed that hint at massive capabilities but they just didn't spend time talking about it.
The voice model, and interaction with you was clearly inspired by movie Her (as also hinter by Altman) , but I feel they were so in love with the movie they used the movie's version of presentation of technology that they kinda ended up downplaying some of the aspects of the model. If you are unfamiliar, while the movie is sci-fi, tech is very much in the background, both visually and metaphorically. They did the same here with sitting down and letting the model wow us instead showing all the raw numbers and all the technical details like we are used to from traditional presentations that Google or Apple do. Google would have definitely milked at least 2 hour presentation out of this. God, I can't wait for GPT-5.

Hey all, I'm a very frequent poster on the Hyperacusis sub-reddit. The way that my ear acts is extremely strange and I've chalked it up to extreme TTTS and MEM, hyperacusis follows with it. To give the basic run down, I'll wake up in the morning and I start to feel that spasm in my ear, it's not horrible at first but noticeable. Fast forward to afternoon and it is full force extreme hyperacusis, my ear feels like it's constant freaking out. Only for it to always die down at night time.
This is extremely debilitating and I never know what causes these episodes and how to avoid it or help it. Whenever it happens I stuff an earplug in until it goes away but, that makes my tinnitus EXTREMELY loud to where it'll wake me out of my sleep. It'll spasm on and off for 4 days max and then go away for like a whole month.
I'm scared I'll never get to the bottom of this but, I want to see where others have been successful. I've seen muscles relaxers, neuro meds, sound therapy, and surgeries. Have any of you experience this and how did you help it? Its making me drown a bit....

• what meds do you take?
• does the hyperacusis surgery help this issue?
• did yours get better over time?

As If It Were Kismet: Prologue
Matt tore through the brush, blind in the dark. He didn’t care where he was going. He only knew he needed to be elsewhere. Far from here.
Behind him a creature howled that shocked his mind. It’s form was cruel and dangerous, though female. Nothing like the young woman she had once been. Nothing but a girl, a small and slight female.
It’s guttural growls and howls only grew closer as Matt tried to pick between seeing where he was going and getting away. The few times he looked he caught sight of the creature behind him. Hopping through the air with a speed that told him he was being toyed with. As if he were a mouse being played with by a cat.
But the reflex in him to run kept him going. His adrenaline going as hard as it could. The tightness and burning in his core tensing and locking up as his legs felt like there were being burned from within while taking on more of a heaviness.
His lungs were starting to betray him as he tried to gulp big breaths of air but only rapid and shallow breaths were all that he could manage. His brain was starting to burn….and then he was falling.
Falling down the side of a hill he saw the creature dart in a spring towards him, imperceivably fast almost. Catching him in mid air it seemed.
Managing to wrap its body around him and cushion his impact against the ground as they rolled. His mind barely took in what was happening during the roll. Only starting to understand what was happening once they were still.
The creature's triple D-cup breasts were unmistakably pressed hard against his back as he laid facing up at the night sky.
For a few seconds the world stilled and the needle light pain hitting the center of his brain took over for the cooking heat his brain had felt. His whole body felt heavy and reluctant to move.
Even if he could have really moved, a dull ache came over his limbs making them feel stilled and trapped as if by immeasurable amounts of sand that had engulfed him.
Slowly the arms holding him started to move. Moving so the creature's hands could start exploring him. Causing Matt to unstoppably let out a pathetic moan that made him go cold inside as hands lifted up his shirt and started to touch his exposed stomach and then his chest.
He would have whimpered so pathetically had he not still been in the depths of terror.
As its hands felt and groped his pecs he tried to situp as if to get away. For his efforts, his reward was a hand around his throat and a collection snarls and growls against his ear. A beastly, guttural voice spat words at him while somehow holding a feminine tone.
“Don’t move….I don’t know if I can calm down…”
Her words were not helped by her moans in his ear and the subsequent kissing of his ear. The flesh of his ear going between her lips as she moaned and seemed to pant. Releasing it and licking the side of his face with a moist warmth. He could feel its spittle, viscous and coating his flesh where the tongue touched. He could smell something in his saliva. Something that subtly entranced him.
Matt went stock still with fear and the confusion of mixed arousal. He barely perceived her right hand traveling lower on his body. A surprised moan and shudder echoed in the night from Matt’s lips as she took ahold of him. Her hand above his pants but still….stimulating him.
A light squeezing and almost probing of her digits kept him aroused and confused within her grasp. Resigning himself to the strange fate, Matt looked up at the stars as his mind tried not to shatter under the strange maelstrom of events and sensation that had started mere minutes ago.
His mind was only more confused as a slight figure, feminine in build, how it seemed to thunk the ground audibly as she landed on her feet out nowhere. Her knees barely bending under the pressure of the landing. Yet dirt was kicked up anyways and some of it onto Matt. Feeling it pepper his shirt and pants as it fell.
The figure, lit only faintly by moonlight, roared some dark tone Matt could only perceive as a demon as her eyes went bright with a crimson light. A light in the darkness that should not have been. “Let him go you bitch.” Was its words following the roar. Spittle escaping its mouth with faint droplets hit Matt's face.
The creature holding him by his throat and crotch seemed to tighten the grasp of both hands as it roared back. “HE IS MINE!”
The figure paused with a moment's hesitation. He was also her quarry. She had felt his fear without him knowing. His confused arousal. His fear. His terror.
And now he laid at the center of a struggle between two monsters. Unsure of who he wanted to win.
As If It Was Kismet Ch. 1
Matthew Berkshire hadn’t seen his mom in two years. Not that he had seen her much over the last six years.
A messy divorce between messy people and mom’s chaotic want for a life in Alaska had been one of the most…upsetting times in life. Setting him up for so much of what had defined his life thus far but then that had really started two years before he ever turned.
His ear buds were basic and simple. A part of cheap five pack, common for his life as he was known to lose little things. Small things. They had a mix of metal and hard rock playing in them. Some classics, some alternative. Whatever made him feel something, anything. Even if it was hate. Anger. Rage. It was better than feeling numb. Not belonging.
The escalator down to his lone bag to go with his lone carry on showed his mom waiting for him. His had a type, that’s for damn sure. Not that it helped him in the genetics department as he was stuck at 5’9” to go along with his mother’s five foot even as his dad stood six foot. Forever leaving him to feel small, to pale, under his dad’s shadow. Did he ever stand a chance?
The guy next to her with the unkempt former seventies porn stache was “Dave.” He’d met him twice when his mother came and visited him in Florida. To his credit the guy didn’t look annoyed. Kind of concerned kind of which made Matthew want to break his frozen look but he was well practiced. Having removed any note of sadness from his face through much…tribulation.
His mother’s look on her face betrayed a hint of worry as the bruises on his face lightly showed up close. Saying his name was his like a distant echo that belonged to someone else.
Dave cut in and pulled out his right headphone. “What the hell bud, they knock you hard enough to hurt hearing? Your mom’s asking how you are doing.”
Matthew pulled out the other bud and grunted an empty “sorry.”
“You still have bruises after two week? What did they do to you?” His mom’s voice was full of worry. Something he hadn’t heard in….too long. Too long to make him feel anything. To ever make him believe there was any sincerity to her words. To not think her voice and mannerisms were an act. An act by someone who…wasn’t really there.
“It’s only fair. I took a nose. Fractured a couple orbital bones. Left one with having to get his jaw wired shut. And one will never walk right again for what I did to his knee cap.” Matthew said it all with a bored and disinterested tone. Perhaps well rehearsed.
“My man, handing out ass kickings, not bothering to take names.” Dave was quick to be the typical man’s man about it. Matthew wasn’t quite done yet. Lifting up his shirt to expose the right side near his kidney. Revealing a nasty scar from a six inch blade. “Luckily they gave me this first so they could rule it all in self-defense. The fuck didn’t get it in more than inch before I ruined his knee cap and then I took the nose of one of the fucks holding me.” Now he chose to smile keeping the well practiced dead look in his eyes.
No retorts. No questions. Just horrified looks on their faces. As he liked. As he preferred. They could hate him. They could be disgusted by him. But by God they would fear him.
“Well the doc did a good job sewing you up.” Dave commented uncomfortably. “Dissolving sutures. Ain’t they grand.” He smiled again and let it abruptly fall off his face and started walking to the carousel for the baggage claim.
Waiting and making small talk with Dave as his mother stood in silence. He was not the little boy she abandoned. The little boy she left with an angry man. While never hitting him. Left him in constant fear till he turned twelve and just didn’t care anymore. Something snapped. Broke. And he didn’t care if he died. Didn’t care if he stole. Didn’t even care if he killed. He just knew not to get caught. Something left over from his grandfather’s wisdom which came to make more and more sense with each passing year of life since that thing inside him broke.
Finally his bag came around and Dave went to try first to grab it but Dave practically leapt ahead of him. “Is that your grandfather’s rucksack bag?” his mother asked in a perplexed voice.
“Figured it’s been around since Viet Nam. So it’d serve me better than any of the worthless stuff they called luggage.” Dave commented after Matthew’s words. “Well hell yeah I still got mine from Desert Storm. You know the first one.” Dave laughed and Matthew eyed him oddly. Be it in the south or whether it was Alaska, country boys are country boys he guessed.
The car ride to the two people’s house, as Matthew thought of them. Was uneventful and full of vistas he imagined metropolitan types wetting themselves over. At most they meant isolation to him. Furtherness from the world as there were no mountains in Florida. And what mountains he had last seen in another state had been when he was eight. Another life, to Matthew it felt like. A life alien to him.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 2
Dave and his mom’s place was some two story type tucked into a tree line far up an elevated point. It was by no means the highest point in the mountain but it certainly felt up there.
Rocks were where the driveway should have been Matthew thought. Grabbing his backpack and rucksack from Dave’s jeep was no hard thing for him. Matthew was in formidable shape for someone his age, maybe even five years older. He had gotten a mix of fairly big shoulders and arms along with the chest to go for it when compared to most kids his age. A side effect of working out at least twice a day. First thing in the morning, some time in the evening, and the school’s gym when had had a good semester in school before he had to leave Florida.
Dave tried to come up and help him but Matthew walked past him towards the house. His mom was not sure what to make of his demeanor. Matthew was not the sweet kind boy he had once been. But she had been gone from his life essentially for a long time.
Ushering him into the house she cracked some joke he did not hear. He was too busy looking about and seeing a mix of old outdated decorating mixed with the strange and odd flair of his mother. Color contrasting against drab and dated. Like brightly painting over an old home that was falling apart he thought.
“Your room is this way Mattie.” His mom brightly intoned.
Without expressing any interest he followed his mother. Still faced and nonplussed. Just going along with the current. Pushed and pulled with its roll like a piece of driftwood.
The room was simple. A single small bed. A set of rubber weights with a curl bar and barbells. “Your dad said you were into weight lifting so we got you a bunch of stuff. Dave says it looks like his department’s gym almost. The woman’s smile felt very alien to him.
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ve got most of my stuff from home.” Matthew starting unpacking his rucksack and pulled out cables of repetitive and mixed colors. A single plastic barbell handle. The ruck sack could be filled with water bottles for added weight during pushups he figured. Remembering a Michael Keaton movie he watched with his dad post-Batman movies where he played a convicted killer using plastic bags filled with water for weights.
Matthew caught movement outside his lone fairly large window that could let him step out onto the roof of the house given its layout.
He saw a number of people running together through what he guessed was the backyard of the property, not that it had any fences to mark boundaries
They wore clothes that looked similar yet different from each other at the same time.”Oh those are the Johnston’s. Really nice bunch of people. Been on the mountain for a long time Dave tells me.”
Matthew looked at the group of people running and noticed the lack of resemblance. “They are related?” Matthew quizzically asked. Seeing a black and possibly a hispanic person amongst the bland looking white people.
“Oh well they are all adopted but for one or two of them…besides the parents of course. The family has a long tradition of taking in orphans they say. Real nice of them to do that don’t you think.”
Matthew looked at his mother and the hosier accent made no sense to him as he arched his left eye brow. Her and his dad were both from Florida. Born and raised. Sure her parents were from New York city but…
Matthew shook his lightly without turning to look at his mother as his vision was grabbed by one of the runners in particular. A girl of moderate height. Soft brunette. A plain beauty he figured with a slim build….and lack of remarkable breasts and rear to make any note of but….girls in general were his type at his age.
She was pretty enough. He couldn’t deny that but he found himself transfixed by her visage.
But the way she turned and looked at him, especially at that distance felt very disconcerting to him. Even if she was smiling like…she was a taste of a bright shiny day. Somehow.
Matthew’s mom noticed the exchange and smiled to herself with closed lips. “Oh that’s Vicky. She’s your age I think. Very sweet girl, who does the charity functions. You know bake sales, blood drives, car washes and the like. I think you should get to know her. Might be good for you.”
A truck horn sounded a couple of beeps in rather succession. “Oh that must be Mack, he said he might come by later this evening but he seems early.”
Matthew’s mother turned and left his room. Leaving Matthew to exchange a few looks with the alluring Vicky as she turned her head away from him to talk to the others in her group and look back at him.
Still Matthew’s left eyebrow was arched. In a way that reminded him of Spock from Star Trek that he and his grandpa used to watch on some streaming service or another.
As he heard ambient chatter elsewhere outside the house he figured to check it out as the alluring sight of Vicky would be around he figured. It was dull to stare at artwork. He was a boy who preferred jet skis and the like. Something he could ride and enjoy immensely. Even if at times it got him stabbed.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 3
Matthew sauntered out of the house and down the rockway that stood in for a driveway.
A few new people had come over from what he could first surmise of the situation. As he got closer it was obvious they were indigenous people. A couple of grown men…and a girl?
She was mousey. Maybe five foot. Hiding behind glasses and a big camo jacket that was far too big for her. It looked made for a grown man and the backwards trucker hat on her head kept her long black a beautiful mess of sorts.
She was cute in a way. A little androgynous but she had a cute energy to her. She reminded him of the more tomboyish Puerto Rican girls he had gotten into back in Florida. Given the deer corpses in the back of the truck….probably more dangerous to play with given the men in her family.
Small chatter passed between the adults when the girl noticed but turned away, trying to hide the tiny hint of a smile.
“Oh Mattie, this is Mack. He works with Dave at the sheriff’s department and John, he’s with fish and wildlife.” Matthew nodded at his mom’s words with some blankness as he looked at the deer the in the back of the pickup truck.
“Gale tells us you hunted with your dad some in Florida and Georgia.” Mack offered with a light hearted laugh camouflaged by his big simple and cheery but husky way he spoke.
Looking in the back of the truck he spoke. “We used lever action thirty-thirties and Mosin Nagants in seven-six-two-fifty-four-rimmed.” Mack and John whistled in an exaggerated fashion. Leaving Matthew to wonder if they were mocking him.
Mack spoke. “Well we just used thirty-odd-six in a custom gussied Garand.” That caught Matthew’s attention. “You have a Garand…” Matthew finally demonstrated interest in anything. “My dad has an SVT-40 and a Hakim 8mm but he always wanted a Garand but was too cheap to buy one.”
Gale, his mother, chimed in loudly. “Oh his Dad loved his guns but was such an odd duck about how he bought or why he bought them. Never made sense to me how he wasn’t a collector but he didn’t get the latest and greatest.” Gale laughed uncomfortably. At least it seemed that way to Matthew.
Matthew pointed to the girl with an underhanded pointing hand. “And who is this? A cute little mute mouse or does she have a name?” Dave and the other men laughed.
Mack again spoke. “Well you people call her Rebecca, she’s my adopted daughter.” Matthew was taken aback by what he heard. “You people?”
Rebecca kindly spoke with a soft but almost melodic voice as she struggled to maintain eye contact. “White people or rather not members of our tribe. It’s just easier to appease the colonizer kind of thing. Borrowed from when the Jesuit missionaries chased us up here.”
Mack stepped in. “It’s just easier to have white people names than have them try to say our tribal names. And we don’t want them shortening or Anglicising our names kind of thing.” Rebecca stepped back into the conversation cutting off her adopted father. “It’s an insult to our history basically.”
Matthew cocked his head sideways raising his eyebrows shortly before letting them drop. “Well as soon as I’m eighteen I’m out of here and back to Florida so I’m a sort of involuntary colonizer of sorts. So I won’t be taking any of your land from you. The Seminoles on the other hand are still shit out of luck.”
Rebecca’s smile caused Matthew to reflexively smile. Mack made the moment more awkward. “See Becca, I told you someone off the reservation would like you some. You just have to be creative.” Mack laughed in a chiding manner…Matthew presumed. He sensed that he was the butt of some kind of cultural joke. Like marrying a white guy was some sort of insult or mark of shame. That kind of thing.
Rebecca turning away from him was not something he had been expecting. Her then getting in the truck in a huff left the group in a silence for a moment.
Dave spoke to break the awkward silence. “Well just bring the truck to work on Monday and leave it for me to grab up.” Mack acknowledged Dave and they started to get off as Rebecca looked at Matthew for another instance. Matthew couldn’t look away for some reason as the two seemed to lock eyes for an instance.
Till Vicky and family seemed to come jogging down the road. While Matthew’s eyes diverted from Rebecca’s. Hers did not till she realized he was looking elsewhere. And her vision found Vicky and what had been a hint of smile on her face turned glum and disappointed.
Matthew did not look away from the vision of Vicky but instead of a starry eyed fool looking longingly. It was a baffled look. Well baffled for him, with his eyes drawn narrow and night with a focus.
There was something about her…he couldn’t quite put a name too. The way she appeared to him. One second brunette. The next second blonde or blonde like. As if the color appeared in her air and disappeared in fractions of seconds. Much the same way her body almost seemed to…shift…very subtly…smoothly. A nicer bum. Larger breasts. And then back to a simple and plain form. Feminine no doubt. Attractive. But not so…remarkable.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 4
The next two days passed without incident. Nothing of any real substance or challenge to note.
Matthew got settled somewhat and started working out almost immediately. Exploring around the woods but Dave told him not to go far. Especially without a hunting rifle. Dave had left a simple semi-auto Winchester out for him. His bear gun as Dave referred to it with its four round magazine. But Matt figured till he got some practice with the rifle to leave it alone. He made a hiking stick like his grandpa taught him and treated it over a low fire. He would take some electrical tape for the end his hand would grip around. Plenty enough to ward off anything smaller than a bear he figured.
The ride to school was a pain in the neck but simple enough. Dave would let him use a clunker pickup truck he had laying around. It wasn’t pretty but it would get him to and from. Even if it was from the eighties and still backfired on occasion. But for now Dave and his mom took him on their way to the sheriff’s department.
It wasn’t much of a school. It wanted to be modern but its fifties original construction was very obvious. It serviced the pipeline families and familys’ of fisherman who worked the seasons in between their time at the pipeline.
Matt was to report to the principal for some reason Dave and his mom wouldn’t share. Which annoyed him but he figured it was to read him the law of land. Small towns with their big views of the outside world and like.
Dressed in jeans, a grey sweatshirt under a light jacket with steel toed boots set him more apart then he expected. His buzzed head didn’t help matters. Already he was feeling like a stranger in a strange land but he was quite strange after all. And he liked it that way. Normal people were so pathetically disappointing to him.
A secretary or assistant or some such led him to the principal’s office. Where it reeked of real wood that was old and fabric and upholstery that needed to be updated for the last twenty years, Matt figured.
“This is Matthew Berkshire, Principal Andrews.” The man was turned with his back to the door and he was quick to wave her off as he turned her around.
He was an older man. Fat and large. Tall with a body built like he had once been fit and a demeanour of annoyed and irate already as he fixed Matt with a scowl and look of disgust. Another worthless government whore. Matt thought to himself. His father and his grandfather had bestowed unto him a natural disrespect for government workers and the figures that wore unjustified authority as a shield but pretended the weight of the state was not at their back ready to crush all who resisted. Little figures of valor pretending to be mighty and alone but acting with the tyranny of the state and all the backing.
“Mr. Berkshire, please sit down.” His tone wasn’t unusually hostile, just gruff. As if he had better things to do.
Matt complied and took a seat in the chair while maintaining a friendly facade. Not everyone was an enemy. And not everyone needed to be an enemy. Even if anybody could be any enemy. There was no reason to make enemies you didn’t have to. Another of his grandfather’s bastardised wisdoms.
“Well I looked over you file and you have quite the history Mr. Berkshire.” Matt resisted qiuping back a joke. Instead he waited for Principal Andrews to continue as he remained nonplussed and looking as if he felt no need to respond. A simple head tilt with dead eyes looking back at the principle as if he was not even there would suffice.
Matt’s reaction or lack of a reaction rather made Principal Andrews only narrow his eyes with examination. He was not used to a kid not responding to him. Especially with his gruff and hard act going on.
“Well by all accounts you moved here after some problems at your last school. A fight broke out and you did some real harm to your fellow students it appears.” Of course, he would take the side of the perpetrators. School administrators always did. Especially when they weren’t white. Just a fact of the times. Cowardice and pathetic mediocrity was the way they leaned, like good government workers sucking the dick of Big Daddy government. Worthless whores.
Matt chose to reply. “Oh you mean the criminals that stabbed me. Got arrested at the hospital and then pled to felonies. Yeah Florida, with the American counties are good like that.” Principal Andrews went real still. No shame. No fear. No penitence. He didn’t like that.
“Well be it as it may Mr. Berkshire we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour here…” Matt cut him off responding with a deadpan tone. “You mean self-defense meant to save one’s own life while the cowardly and pathetic school workers look on with zero interest but to keep their money rolling in and will allow known gang members with records of violent acts and crimes that should have them expelled many times over, where in certain Democrat counties such cowardice and idiocy empowered a couple school shooters?”
Principal Andrews looked at the Matt with a note of disgust. “Look here Mr. Berkshire, your beliefs matter not one bit here. This isn’t Florida. We don’t like our way of life being disrupted by outside agitators who have problems with authority.”
Matt did his best not to roll his eyes and let the older fat man drone own as he dead-stared him. Lifeless and without emotion.
The man came to a finish and Matt spoke up without having listened to him or paid him any attention. “Great now that’s taken care of. Can I please get to class and finish my sentence of two years at your wonderful school?”
Principal Andrews huffed and snorted before calling in Vicky. Vicky stood in the corner after entering with a quiet and seamless presence. Matt felt disturbed and tried not betray his feelings as the young Vicky was perceived and not perceived to be moving.
Principal Andrews made the introductions and Matt nodded back. She was to be his chaperone for the day. They had the same classes and she was to show him the ropes so to speak. The ins and outs of the school. The locations of their classes.
He recognized her. It was hard not to. The way her appearance seemed to shift fluidly almost. The petite and skinny brunette ever so lightly had a big bust and blonde hair with curves added when she seemed to shift before his eyes. Like watching a film but each frame had a different person.
Matt didn’t say anything about it. Even if he did he would only be acknowledging his crazed state, if he had one. If.
Unlike an obedient puppy dog he got up in a slow and awkward fashion and followed behind her as his oddly disproportionate frame allowed. Causing her a note of concern for some reason. As if she was seeing something she shouldn’t have been….Or he was just weird. And Matt could admit to himself he was just weird. Part of his charm, he would jest about it at times. Not that he had many people to jest to now.
As If It Were Kismet Ch. 5
Following Vicky into the hall off to their first class was simple. She exchanged small talk and he slightly smiled as if to obviously suggest he was just being polite.
Inside his head, Matt was trying to figure out if he was having a psychotic break. The way Vicky looked kept changing and he looked at the other people around him and they stayed the same.
He was searching his mind as they were walking. And thus he wasn’t paying attention to where he was looking and so fell to his face forward over his feet seemingly out of nowhere.
A series of laughs erupted as it sunk in that he was obviously tripped. Like in prison this was a challenge to his superiority. If he let this pass he would be mocked and sneered at by this same group of boys. He wouldn’t walk to them like he was going to do nothing like a little bitch.
In a rage he turned and punched the stomach of the first face he saw. Some typical blonde haired wannabe jock. He knew from experience not to aim for the ribs. Instead he needed to aim for where he thought the belly button was.
Yells and screams blindly echoed around him as his after the punch he followed up his elbow of the opposite arm slamming into the face of the jock. Harder than a fist, the elbow struck the jock’s jaw and seemingly dropped him against a locker. Just in time to catch an errant and soft punch to the nose that sure enough hurt but did little to slow him down as his dad had taught him to fight through the pain. Blood and scars happened. They were a natural consequence of life to a man.
Taking the punch and falling further into his red state Matt headbutted the punch thrower before another guy arm bared his throat from behind. Which he managed to get his grip on the arm over a letterman jacked and jerk the unprepared boy to the side with him still latched on.
A few feet away from the lockers Matt knew his only chance was to jump and push off the lockers and knock the boy to the ground and so he did. He heard a thunk of the boy’s skull bouncing off the ground and he turned to pull out of the grapple.
The beatings he had taken from his father, the grapples, being choked unconscious. Had prepared him for fighting little bitches who didn’t know what a fight was. It wasn’t gay porn with rabbit punch fists flying.
Blood was running down his face and the pain started to hit him as the threats had been eliminated. Only then did he remember to breathe. Taking breathes as Vicky came up to him with tissues and took a hold of his nose.
“Owww owww owww what the fuck my nose could be broken.” He said to Vicky as she pulled his head up and back.
“It’s ok Carl. It’s done.” Matt tried to look to see who Vicky was talking to. It was a boy taller than his 5’9” by more than a small margin. The boy eyed him bored and annoyed before speaking. “What happened here?” An unoriginal line but one Matt couldn’t be a smart aleck about. “Well you see there was an outbreak of tripping and we all tripped over my dick. It happens.” Matt was about to laugh when Vicky seemed to pull up while still gripping his nose causing Matt no small amount of pain which he audibly evidenced.
Vicky spoke in a tone he wasn’t expecting. As if she was accustomed to issuing orders. “Keep Iris away from the hall till we sanitize the site. We have blood from at least three people contaminating the site. And have Jake bring me a spare jacket and shirt for this moron.”
Carl seemed to acknowledge her orders and seemed to blink away. Maybe the punch hit harder than he expected. He had no time to wonder as Vick took her hand away from his and pushed him against the lockers. With ease he had not been expecting from her form and stature.
Before he could respond Vicky licked his blood covered chin and then his lips and spoke to him. “Focus on me you little blood bag.” Her tone had an annoyed yet feminine sneer.
“Look into my eyes. Look at me. You belong to me. You are just another food source in a collection of food sources.” Her eyes were a beautiful hazel Matt thought. Almost green. Pretty like jewels in some old treasure collections. The eyes he could get lost in before kissing her. Finally Vicky was just a slight and petite brunette and he thought she was beautiful.
She would make a hell of a girlfriend. Some cute thing he could see laying on the beach in Florida on their sides laughing and smiling before trading light kisses while hands wandered innocently. Before his mind could drift further he felt her lips on his. It took him a second to mentally grasp the kiss but his arms were around her back as her hands were at his sides. His eyes reflexively closed as he saw hers close.
It was ineffable to Matt. Beyond words, what was happening. The kiss, the moments beforehand. The way his brain tickled with electricity and gentle warmth. He had never had a kiss like this and he had traded more than a few kisses with at least a few girls.
The kiss was like a warm bath with his consciousness slipping beneath the surface. Their lips only parted to try new angles and approaches as Matt struggled to take in breath. It was a moment he could have stayed trapped in for….he didn’t know. But a curt throat clearing by another girl pulled them out of the moment.
The girl was taller than Vicky. Blonde. With slight curves. Vicky addressed her bewildered and gobsmacked, and perhaps a bit embarrassed. “Tina?”

For a little backstory, there was this guy I’ve known since 7th grade, we were friends (I liked him throughout this time) throughout 7th grade to 9th grade, we had a small thing between 8-9th grade and then we eventually stopped talking, in 10th grade I moved schools and he also moved to that school at the same time, I’d always see him at school staring at me and glancing, looking away when I’d look over at him, we never spoke to each other only just looked at each other, eventually he added me by search on Snapchat and I added him back and asked why he added me, he said “sorry I was high and ___ asked about you” I ended the conversation basically after that and unadded him, we continued to go on always glancing and staring at each other ect, talking on social media very briefly but again I’d end the conversations very quickly, eventfully I realised I kinda did still like him so I added him on Snapchat one day, we started talking again and fell into chatting just like we used to, I eventually admitted to him that I used to like him and he also admitted that he did too but he thought I didn’t so he didn’t say anything (?? Just say something bro) anyway the conversation went on and I finally admitted that I still had feelings for him, he also admitted that he never really stopped liking me and he realised when he saw me at our new school that he liked me still and couldn’t stop looking at me, we continued to talk constantly, we’d hang out out of school together, alone also with his friends and my friends ect, we sit together on the way to school on the bus in the morning, but I don’t speak to him at school cause his friends are too intimidating lmao, he wants me to but I’m just a bit shy honestly, when we hangout in public he’s very touchy and affectionate, always wants to hold me or touch me in someway. And then one night we were together he said “I know this might seem crazy but I think I’m in love with you” I was shocked when he said that, and ever since he just keeps saying it, I told him that he shouldn’t say it so early, so he said he’d stop so instead he just says “I really really really (ect) like you” every single day too, he’ll tell me every single day that he likes me so much (sometimes even slips up and says love) tells me how much I mean to him, when I’m upset or stressed about anything he’s always there for me and makes sure to tell me again how much I mean to him and that he loves me and that he’s always here for me, whenever we’re together he’ll go on and on about how much he likes me and how happy I make him ect, it’s so constant and it’s so much and it does make me happy to a point cause I do really like him, but it also makes me uneasy with the thought maybe he doesn’t and he’s just love bombing me, he also wants to date and I said I wasn’t ready so he said “take as long as you need, days, weeks, months but please don’t make me wait another three years“

This is just a whole rant/sob story about what I’ve been feeling as of recent.
I’ve been crying about yesterday’s U2 Chemistry exam, and today’s Pure 2 assessment for the entire day.
They were horrible. I can’t begin to describe the shock I am in. I've been holding in so much sh*t for so long, but these exams have left me unable to hold it in anymore.
I have done every single past paper, from the Sample Paper to the Jan 2024 papers. I have studied really, really well. I have made sure to study so hard to a point I that there was nothing left I could do. I literally don’t know what else I could have done to prevent this from happening.
I was always ready to sacrifice everything for my grades and my future. For these A-Levels, I have ruined my health, my happiness, my social life, wasted my youth, but for what?
I get around 4 hours of sleep every night. I’m always too stressed to have an appetite to eat. I feel tense and anxious almost all of the time. I am always tired and keep getting body aches for no reason. I have no time to pursue the things I love anymore. I can count the number of times I have gone out with friends in the past 4 years on a single hand. I see all these American teens online having fun and going out every other day. I can’t even remember the last time I left the house to do something enjoyable.
Yeah, I know it sounds like I’m overreacting, and it’s just some ‘exams’, but my whole future is literally dependent on this. Regardless of all the effort and hard work I’ve put in, I f-ed up these exams.
My biggest dream has always been to get into a prestigious university on a scholarship to study medicine. But I can say goodbye to that now.
I grinded so hard in my IGCSEs to do well and I did. I got A*s for every subject and I guess that gave me false hopes that I could ace my A-Levels. Having sat these two exams, I feel so doomed. I know I performed horribley on them.
I feel nothing but disappointment, hopelessness, and fear right now. I have disappointed myself by ruining my chances of making my dream come true.
It's even worse when you feel that the others around you, who have high expectations, are also disappointed. My chemistry teacher was saying how she knew I would do well because of how hard I've worked, then when I told her about how the exam was, I saw how her face just dropped. Everyone was telling her it was terrible, and I feel like she was on the verge of crying.
Then today, before going into the math exam, my math teacher saw me trying to breathe while I was very nervous, and he said that 'it's going to be fine'. I literally told him, 'I don't think it will be', and he just tried to be optimistic about it. After the exam, I knew he'd come to ask how we did, so I tried to hide from the shame, but he found my friend and I. I was crying before, but while he was trying to make us feel better the tears were just pouring down my face.
I feel like the biggest failure ever. During the math exam, my heart started to beat so fast as I realized time was running out and I still had so many questions I was stuck on to complete. That's exactly when the 'it's over - my future is ruined' thoughts came to my head. I just kept thinking 'forget about going to a big university, the only place I can go to now in my home country'. I couldn't even hold back my tears at school. I just started crying in front of everyone like that.
The biggest shock to all of this is that my parents weren't even angry with me; they were almost sympathetic. For reference, my parents are very strict when it comes to academics, so I was expecting them to blow up on me when I told them how it went. They didn't though. They kept telling me it was okay, and that I should focus on my next exam. Not gonna lie, this probably felt worse than having them shout at me. While they didn't say anything explicitly about how they feel, I can feel that they're miserable, and it's all my fault.
I feel so guilty. Is this what my parents immigrated for? My parents have endured so much racism, so many financial struggles, and just a whole lot of sh*t for a long, long time to make sure I can get a good education and have a good future. It feels like I wasted almost 2 decades of struggle in a foreign country.
Imagine all those relatives back home who are expecting me to become a doctor to realize I messed up this bad. Then there is the other side of the family who have criticized my parents since the day I was born for wasting all that time just for education. These same people are the ones who kept trying to convince my parents to try to have another child, hoping for a boy, because 'what is a girl going to do for you when you're old and tired?' I was dead-set on proving them wrong, and honoring my parents' hard work my succeeding and giving them the best life I could afford. I wanted to be the daughter who could make her parents live a life of comfort and peace, better than any son ever could. Now what? It's not happening.
I won't get into a top university, let alone get a scholarship. I won't study medicine as I've dreamed of. I won't become a doctor. I won't retire my parents and let them enjoy the rest of lives without a care in the world if we had enough money to pay rent. I won't be able to do anything I dreamt of.
I've always been insecure. At one point in time though, I made peace with it and said that if I can't be pretty or charismatic, at least I could be smart. It's been the one thing I knew I could count on. But now I feel so f-ing stupid. Like what am I useful for anymore? If that was the one thing I could do right, but now it's gone, what even is my use in life anymore? I used to cry about being ugly, but now I'm dumb too.
Since Year 9, I have been going through a really rough time mentally. I went through a period of time when I was bullied really bad, then another where we were flat broke, then another time when my dad lost his job, then another when my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, then half a year of my parents thinking of divorce, then dealing with the passing of 3 relatives. When does it stop being bad? I used to feed myself these corny lies of 'it's gonna get better' but it doesn't. And this exam period just proved me right.
I wanna give up now. I don't wanna sit anymore exams, and I'm just a third into it. In fact, I don't even wanna live anymore. I know it sounds dramatic to say this over an exam, but I've been holding in this entire rant for the longest time ever, and these exams just brought it out. I've attempted it twice already, but never succeeded.
Since I have no future anyways, I might as well not keep living. I swear to God, that if it weren't for my fear of going to hell, I would try to do it again. I won't though, until we see how the U2 Biology exam goes. But I don't have any hope for it to be any better.
I'm sorry for everyone who feels as though their future is ruined because of these exams, although they studied as hard as they could. May God reward us for our effort.

Gullible-Soft-8628:
Dec 18, 2022

Lower back pain related to PVPS? Same side as my bad ball with epididymis inflamed with fluid .. every so often I get lower back and abdomen pain. Is it related or do I just suck?

I had same thing, very related. I recommend NO Vasectomy, and get a reversal ASAP. I am 3+ months post reversal, 95% relief from pain, 100% relief from brain fog and low drive issues.
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/yvgw6x/lower_back_pain_related_to_pvps/j0sb6f1/
I recommend a reversal ASAP. Dr Hickman recommended minimum of 6 month wait. Heavy, congested feeling, orgasms were pitiful, brain fog, low back pain. Had a reversal September, as of Dec 18, 95% pain relief and feel continuing improvement. Brain fog gone, orgasms back to normal, drive is good again. I recommend Dr Hickman from New Braunfels TX. Professional and economical, $3200 versus the 8 to 10k that most of the others will charge
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/znmezh/how_long_would_you_wait_post_vasectomy_to/j0sc7wz/
Another testimony... I suffered 6 months until i got the reversal. I am 3+ months post-reversal. Thank God I am Almost 100% pain-free, much better frame of mind, back to jogging, cycling, and hiking with my family. I know this isn't the cure for everyone, but it would definitely be my first choice.
Be prepared for roller-coaster healing process though, the first 2 months post reversal were rough, up and down, but its leveled out big time.
Don't give up hope, there's better days ahead
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/zfad7z/deleted_by_usej0sdbb1/
Highly recommend a reversal asap if you're having pvps, its the best chance to get back to original. Vasectomy is a disaster, don't do it, its not worth the risk
https://www.reddit.com/queensland/comments/zlfdg9/metrocentre_vasectomy_redoreversal_for_pvps/j0ws43
Back to jogging, lifting, playing with my children, etc.
https://www.reddit.com/queensland/comments/zlfdg9/metrocentre_vasectomy_redoreversal_for_pvps/j0wsg91/
I second the recommendation to NOT perform surgery on genitals... too many nerve endings down there
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/vccbzq/pvps_for_years_now_and_still_pain_post_reversal/j0wu2q6/
Maybe some can handle the pvps better than I could, it was devastating. Not many people write back in on blogs like this after-the-fact, you just happy to get beyond. Life can get back to normal. Its condoms and all that again, but 1000 x rather this than live with depression, pain, and a 10lb weight between my legs. A reversal was a lot of ups and downs the first 2 months for me, but thank God I'm living pain free and feeling terrific at 3 months post... If you need to wait a while, hang in there, better days ahead!
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/znmezh/how_long_would_you_wait_post_vasectomy_to/j11lxud/
I can post a positive. Had pvps kick in at 2 months. I hung on doing exercises, antibiotics, everything 'conservative' in the books with no success. Had a reversal at 6 months, September 2022, am feeling 100% better. I know its not 100% for everyone, but its the best bet, get things back to as 'original' as possible. Lots of ups and downs the first 2 to 3 months post reversal, but never as bad as the pvps
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/zep1fx/did_a_reversal_make_your_pain_worse/j11n86s/
Real results are closer 1 in 20 will suffer pvps. I had a reversal 6 months later... 6 months of sheer misery. If you are the 1, it will ruin your life. Look up the pvps blogs on reddit, PVPS is VERY UNDERRATED. But then again 19 out of 20 get away with it and are super happy. your choice, but most vasectomy doctors won't tell you the real risks
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/zkmcxu/have_consult_scheduled_this_week_but_pvps_odds_of/j11p6i3/
Dr Marks has good referrals. Dr Hickman in New Braunfels Texas did my reversal, very happy with his work. 3+ months post reversal and pretty much back to normal, thank God.
Dont figure on pvps going away on its own, never heard of it getting better by itself. But maybe there are some who don't write about it
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/yonicu/does_anyone_have_pvps_like_this/j11q2qe/
Pvps pain was bottom of testicles radiating up in to abdomen. Days of laying in bed, couldn't walk at times, heavy, congested feeling, lots of brain fog and depression.
Reversal pain was Swelling, bruising, like the inside of the whole scrotum was sore when i moved. That pain took a month to leave. Then i had the heavy congested feelings from time to time, but less each time and further apart. Almost like the congested epididymus took time to empty out?? I don't know. I'm still tender at 3.5 months, had 3 long days on the road this past week and today i had to take ibuprofen to keep going. But this is the first pain in weeks, the trend is definitly going right at this point... still praying for 100% healing but much better than pre-reversal. But i'm just one story... wish you the best
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/zep1fx/did_a_reversal_make_your_pain_worse/j1f5xxa/
Metadata:
ID: 3868d1b7
Name: Gullible-Soft-8628
Vasectomy Date: 2022-03
Source: reddit
Posted: 2022-12-18
Location: USA
Storycodes: LTP,SGR,LL,OTR,DC,PYH
Reversal Date: 2022-09
Months: 8
Resolved: Yes

Love, friendships, hobbies, nothing seems to make me feel fulfilled. Everyone either leaves, never loved you in the first place, hobbies are just a temporary relief and the dread just lurks right back after you're done, what's the point when I'm not even that good at the thing I do and I only get frustrated. Nothing makes me happy nor does it bring me joy and I'm tired of living like this...
I don't like myself, the world around me, the people who used me for my patience and kindness. I used to be able to share, to see a point in connections... it used to be essy to be soft and loving and now after being disappointed over and over i don't think I got it in me but I wish I had it in me if you understand me
How can I change myself, the world, how do I find joy and happiness? A point to living? I don't want to keep going like that please

I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) For a year, we met when I was 18 and he was 21. My relationship is complicated with him, as we both struggle with our mental illnesses and dealing with school/ work. I’m the only one who to therapy and he used to be but it had gotten expensive for him. Whenever we would have arguments, he was more emotionally charged and more anxious. I am not, I’m more avoidant in conversations because of how he can spaz out sometimes, he’s screamed at me other times because of my tone or aggressiveness (We’re from New York City so it’s a bit of a habit so I get that). And it makes me feel detached a lot of the time because I don’t want to do this with him. I also feel as if he is manipulating me and putting so much onto me in general. We had been on the phone for a while debating about something someone said, a known psychologist . I forgot what his thought was but, I remembered that psychologist from somewhere on social media and I remembered he had some views that I felt were misogynistic and I had said that I thought the guy was a POS out loud. My boyfriend was not too keen on that and said like you don’t have to say it like that, I’m giving him anxiety about me taking about another man’s conservative views and character. To be honest, I genuinely don’t even know why he was upset about it but it’s nothing to me to apologize because I can get excited or have an aggressive tone, it does nothing for me not to apologize.
Next day, I had upset him about saying something he did not want to hear and I was like trying to tell him later on I didn’t mean to offend him, and he groans loudly and tells me he didn’t want to talk about it. (He said he didn’t want ven care about what I said.) I felt some type of way about it because why couldn’t you just say that you did not care in the first place instead of having a mannerism that would suggest otherwise?
In the morning, he was going to work and I had brought it up to him how I felt. I had no attitude, I did not have a reason to pick a bone with him or argue and he just begins to start panicking and crying, saying that I was selfish and I should have never brought it up in the morning (which, that his boundary I did cross that but I thought it was acceptable because he had done the same thing before when he spoke to me about his anxiety and I had to sleep but he wanted to clear it.)
He goes to work and he’s just having a breakdown and I was on the phone with him, I genuinely don’t even know what to do when he’s just breaking down the way he is because I don’t know why he is crying like this in the first place. It sounds horrible. He tried to quit his job because of the stress of it all (me included) and it’s been bad ever since. Yesterday, he screamed at me on the phone because I was telling him how I feel in general about this and how I cannot always be there for him (like drop everything). I just feel so invalidated in how I feel (I’ve always acknowledged how he feels in general whilst saying what i think too. I’ll say ‘I understand how you feel (lengthy part to empathize) and i also feel like (my part.)’ and now his family hates me because I’m making him feel this way and he’s screaming. I’ve tried to go on a break with him before but he always persuades me to not ‘break’ up with him. He kept throwing jabs saying, “No one loves me… You don’t even care. You don’t feel bad, I feel betrayed by you.” I don’t know what to do, my therapist is gone for the week and I always look up to here and ask her if I had been wrong about anything I’ve done in my relationship, she says no but sometimes I feel like I need others words of wisdom, especially since I am younger and he is my first boyfriend. Even today, I had called him after and he had texted me something almost at 12 and I just said I saw your text but I didn’t know if I should respond to it. And he got angry at me, saying I keep disrespecting that boundary and last night should not be in my mouth. I tried to apologize but he said to leave him alone for the rest of the day. Am I wrong for being the way that I had been?
tl;dr: I wasn’t there for my boyfriend’s panic attack because of previous experiences with him and he resents me for it and he keeps screaming at me. i don’t know how we can move on.

There have been an increasing number of juniors visiting this sub asking for advice about writing essays. Below are some tips and advice for making your essay stand out as excellent. Feel free to ask questions because I will answer every single question in the comments.
I know from experience that many of you are struggling to identify a good topic for your essay. Conventional wisdom says to start by brainstorming a list of potential topics, and chances are, you have already started a mental list of ideas. You might think you only have a few choices for topics, based on your activities or experiences, or essay examples you read, or the rough draft you already started (or worse, that GPT started...). I advise, however, that you put down your list of topics and back away from it. Forget that exists for a moment. Seriously - thinking about this initial list tethers you to certain ideas that might not actually be your best options.
Now you can begin brainstorming with a clean slate.
Start with thinking about what you want to show in your entire application, not just one essay. Every single component in your app has one purpose – to tell more about YOU. Filling out the rest of the application by rote and focusing solely on the essay is short-sighted and will leave so much potential untapped in your application.

It's About You. Tell Your Story - And Be The Protagonist

An admissions officer’s goal is to understand you fully, in the context of your background and the rest of the applicant pool. They will begin this with assessing your academic abilities and potential. Then they will evaluate how you will fit into the student body they’re trying to curate. All of this can be somewhat broad and diverse and touch on several institutional goals. But they will dig deep to find out what each applicant is like, what your core values and motivations are, what kind of student you will be, how you will contribute to the vibrant and intellectual campus community they’re building, etc.
Your goal with essay brainstorming is to ascertain how to powerfully tell your story in a manner that will fit these criteria. The entirety of your application (again, not just one essay) aims to showcase your abilities, qualifications, and uncommon attributes as a person in a positive way. Before you begin outlining or writing your application, you must determine what is unique about you that will stand out to an admissions panel. All students are truly unique. Not one other student has the same combination of life experiences, personality, passions, or goals as you do. Your job in your application is to frame your unique personal attributes in a positive and compelling way. How will you fit on campus? What personal qualities, strengths, core values, talents, or different perspectives do you bring to the table? What stories, deeper motivations/beliefs, or formative experiences can you use to illustrate all of this?
It is always helpful to start with some soul-searching or self-examination. You might not immediately know what you want to share about yourself. It’s not a simple task to decide how to summarize your whole life and being in a powerful and eloquent way on your application. Introspection prior to starting your application takes additional time and effort rather than jumping straight into your first draft. But it is also a valuable method to start writing a winning application that stands out from the stack.
You'll see the advice everywhere that all essay prompts are really about the same thing - you. The goal of each essay then is to showcase who you are, what matters to you, and how you think. I guarantee if you're on this sub enough, you'll hear the advice to "show, don't tell" when writing about yourself. But what does this mean really, and how do you do it well? How do you even get started on an essay that does this?

Introspection Questions

It’s often easiest to start thinking in terms of superlatives, especially those related to personal insights -- what are the most meaningful things about you, and what do you value the most? Here is a list of questions to help you brainstorm broadly before you narrow down your focus for writing:

• What are your interests?
  
• What sparks your curiosity?
  
• About what topics do you enjoy reading?
  
• With whom do you enjoy spending time? Who has impacted your life the most?
  
• Reflect upon “superlatives” in your life. What moments were most memorable, formative, enlightening, enjoyable, or valuable? What physical possessions, experiences, dreams, or lessons could make your superlatives list?
  
• Stop and think about what things, people, or circumstances in your life are really unique, fascinating, or outlandish. Are there any that really have a lot of "cultural flavor" (whatever your culture is)?
  

I have a free introspection worksheet with over 100 questions like this designed to help you find ideas worth exploring in your essays. You can find it on the A2C Discord or download it directly here.

Find Your Story And Arc

Think of a small anecdote or story from your life that you could share that serves as a microcosm of who you are and what is important to you. It will massively help you narrow this down and find a gem of a story if you first start by thinking about your application arc or theme. This is the one-phrase summary of your entire application. It could be "brilliant entrepreneur who started her own successful business" or "talented athlete who wants to study economics and finance as they pertain to sports", or even "avid baker whose hobby sparked an interest in chemistry". It doesn't have to be related to your intended major, but it can help your arc be stronger and clearer if it is.
Once you have an arc determined and a story to share, think about what you want that story to say about you. This is where it can help to think of this as something you would share on a date - what impression does it make about you to the reader? Once you know this, start showing, not telling this attribute of yourself through your story. For example, instead of saying that you're compassionate toward others, you show an example of a time you were compassionate, then elaborate on why, and what it means to you.

Essay Brainstorming Techniques

If you are having trouble finding a story, or simply have writer’s block once you have picked your topic, here are some ideas to get your juices flowing:

• Stream of consciousness writing -- Start writing whatever is in your head, and don’t stop for 30 minutes. You probably won’t use what you just wrote for your essay, but it will help you find a starting point.
  
• Journaling -- Answer the prompt as if you were writing in a journal. This will get you in the habit of writing about yourself and establish comfort with the concept. It will also take you to a new level of introspection and self-awareness.
  
• Twitter X style -- Write several rapid-fire responses to the prompt in 280 characters or less. Choose an idea from these responses to expound upon in your essay.
  
• Read each essay prompt, then go through your introspection worksheet responses and connect the stories and insights to one or more of the prompts. Some students like using color coding to visually see how their different ideas might work together.
  

Why Essays Matter

Here's the thing a lot of people don't realize about college admission: it's not an award for being the smartest, most accomplished, or most impressive. It's an invitation to join a community. Far too many students think that if they can just show that they're smart enough, they'll get in. Yale even says right on their admissions website that 75% of their applicants are academically qualified to succeed at Yale. But only ~4% are getting in. That should tell you that they're looking for more than just top tier test scores and grades. To be perfectly clear, you will need top tier grades and (optionally) test scores to show that you're qualified, and the vast majority of my students come to me with this part already in the bank. But what sets the admits apart? It's personal insight - sharing who you are, how you think, what matters to you, and how you engage community. You can't just say "/IAmVerySmart, please admit me," or even "I did a cool thing guys! Isn't that neat!" You need to go deeper and show them your core values, personal strengths, motivations, aspirations, character traits, foundational beliefs, personality, etc. And you need to do it in a charming, winsome way that makes them like you and want to invite you to join their community.
So how do I get students to do this? All of my students complete that introspection worksheet. We go through it and find the stories, examples, anecdotes, conversations, memories, relationships, and other things from their life that will help us craft a strong and personally insightful narrative. We also make lists of the values, strengths, and key personal qualities we want to showcase. Once we have some topics, outlines, abstracts, or rough drafts, we talk about which stories to tell where, how to tell them well, and what details to include to present the best they have to offer. Then we refine, edit, polish, and enhance over and over until the story sings, but more importantly shows their heart and soul. We also go through all the other application components to ensure consistency, quality, and distinctiveness.
Here's why this works so well: at most highly selective colleges there is a primary reader (or 2-3) who will review everything first and then present it to the admissions committee, who then votes on whether to admit you. That presentation typically goes one of three ways:

1. Total enthusiasm, energy, and excitement. They strongly advocate for admission and paint a clear picture of how you will contribute to their goals and community. Everyone in the room picks up on that energy and is leaning forward in their chairs, looking for reasons to admit you. This is quite rare, generally less than 5 out of every 100 applications, even among those which are "fully qualified." When you do this right, you show depth, meaning, and valuable personal insights so the reviewer is learning about who you are and how you might engage the community they're curating. You come alive off the page as a person, not just another file.
   
2. Business as usual. You're another great applicant in a pile of great applicants. They share a basic review of the facts, your profile, stats, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Maybe someone on the committee finds something they love, and they really push for admission. More likely, not and you get deferred/waitlisted even though there wasn't anything "wrong" with your application. They just didn't love you enough to commit.
   
3. "Here's a stack of 20 applications that I didn't find all that compelling, so we won't present them individually, but you guys are the committee and you make the decisions. So let me know if there are any you want to talk about." In this case, unless there's a letter of endorsement from an athletics coach or your last name matches several buildings on campus, you're probably not getting additional consideration, much less admission. They will regret to inform you.
   

Everything we're doing is designed to help them get to know themselves, present the best they have to offer, and land in that first group. Having top tier essays is the single best way to get there. Get started on brainstorming in the next few weeks so you'll have time to get a few essays completed over the summer.

Enhancing User Management in Laravel

In the ever-evolving landscape of web development, ensuring the authenticity and security of user data is paramount. Laravel 10, the latest iteration of the widely acclaimed PHP framework, continues to offer robust features for developers aiming to streamline user management processes. One such feature is the ability to display a verification status on user profiles, a critical component for platforms requiring verified email addresses for enhanced security and user trust. This functionality not only reinforces the integrity of the user base but also significantly improves user experience by providing clear communication regarding account status.
Implementing a permanent email verification status within Laravel 10 requires a nuanced understanding of its authentication and verification systems. The framework's built-in support for user authentication, coupled with its flexible and straightforward verification process, allows developers to seamlessly integrate email verification indicators into user profiles. This guide aims to navigate through the technicalities of setting up such a feature, exploring the necessary steps to modify Laravel's default user authentication flow to include permanent email verification status display. The focus will be on leveraging Laravel's existing infrastructure to achieve a secure and efficient implementation.

Command	Description
User::find(1)->hasVerifiedEmail()	Checks if the user with ID 1 has a verified email.
Auth::user()->markEmailAsVerified()	Marks the currently authenticated user's email as verified.
event(new Verified($user))	Dispatches an event after a user's email is marked as verified.

Enhancing Email Verification in Laravel

Email verification is a crucial step in ensuring that users provide a valid email address during registration. It serves multiple purposes, including reducing the chance of spam accounts, improving security by verifying the identity of the user, and enhancing communication effectiveness by ensuring that emails reach their intended recipients. In Laravel 10, the framework provides built-in support for email verification through its authentication scaffolding, making it easier for developers to implement this feature without having to write extensive custom code. This built-in feature automatically sends a verification email when a new user registers and provides a route for the user to confirm their email address.
Customizing the email verification process in Laravel 10 allows developers to tailor the experience to the specific needs of their application. This can include customizing the verification email template to match the application's branding, modifying the verification logic to include additional checks or steps, and even extending the default user model to include email verification status as a permanent feature on the user's profile. Implementing a permanent email verification status on user profiles requires understanding of Laravel's user authentication flow, including how to work with middleware, events, and listeners to efficiently manage and display the user's verification status. By leveraging Laravel's flexible architecture, developers can create a more secure, user-friendly application that clearly communicates the user's email verification status, enhancing the overall user experience.

Displaying Email Verification Status

Laravel Blade Template Syntax

 
 @if(Auth::user()->hasVerifiedEmail()) Your email is verified.
 u/else Your email is not verified.
 @endif 
 

Marking Email as Verified Upon User Action

Laravel Controller Method

 public function verifyUserEmail(Request $request) { $user = Auth::user(); if (!$user->hasVerifiedEmail()) { $user->markEmailAsVerified(); event(new \Illuminate\Auth\Events\Verified($user)); } return redirect()->to('/home')->with('status', 'Email verified!'); } 

Exploring Email Verification in Laravel 10

Email verification is a crucial feature in modern web applications, ensuring that users have access to the email addresses they register with. Laravel 10 simplifies this process with its built-in support for user authentication, including email verification. This feature allows developers to protect routes and functionalities from being accessed by unverified users, enhancing the security and integrity of the application. By default, Laravel includes a trait that can be used within the User model to enable these verification features, making it straightforward to implement and customize according to the application's needs.
The process of integrating email verification within a Laravel project involves modifying the User model, setting up routes, and creating controllers and views to handle the verification process. Laravel's built-in notification system is utilized to send verification emails, which can be customized to fit the look and feel of the application. This comprehensive approach ensures that users can verify their email addresses seamlessly, improving the overall user experience. Additionally, developers can extend or modify the default behavior to accommodate more complex requirements, such as verifying emails with third-party services or implementing additional checks before marking an email as verified.

Frequently Asked Questions About Email Verification in Laravel

1. Question: Is email verification required in Laravel 10?
2. Answer: While not mandatory, email verification is highly recommended for applications that require validated user data for security and functionality purposes.
3. Question: Can I customize the verification email template in Laravel?
4. Answer: Yes, Laravel allows you to customize the email template by modifying the notification class that handles email verification.
5. Question: How does Laravel handle email verification internally?
6. Answer: Laravel uses a middleware to check the email verification status of a user and a notification system to send verification emails using customizable mailables.
7. Question: Can I resend the verification email to a user?
8. Answer: Yes, you can trigger the resend functionality using Laravel's built-in methods or by implementing custom logic in your controller.
9. Question: How do I redirect users after email verification?
10. Answer: Laravel allows you to define a redirection path after email verification through the RouteServiceProvider or directly within the verification notification class.
11. Question: What happens if a user tries to access a route requiring verification without being verified?
12. Answer: Laravel will automatically redirect the user to a specified path, often the login page, with an error message indicating the need for verification.
13. Question: Can I use third-party services for email verification with Laravel?
14. Answer: Yes, Laravel's flexible architecture allows you to integrate third-party verification services by customizing the verification process.
15. Question: Is it possible to verify user emails without sending them an email?
16. Answer: While unconventional, you can manually mark a user's email as verified in the database or through a custom admin interface without sending an email.
17. Question: How do I ensure that email verification links are secure?
18. Answer: Laravel generates secure, signed URLs for email verification links, making them tamper-resistant and secure for users to click on.

Wrapping Up Email Verification in Laravel 10

Email verification plays a pivotal role in securing user accounts and enhancing the overall integrity of web applications. Laravel 10, with its extensive support for user authentication and verification, provides a robust framework for developers to implement these features seamlessly. The process, while straightforward, offers flexibility for customization and adaptation to specific application needs. Through the use of middleware, notifications, and custom routes, Laravel ensures a user-friendly and secure verification process. The benefits of implementing email verification are manifold, including reduced fraudulent activities, increased user trust, and improved data integrity. By following the guidelines and practices outlined in this guide, developers can effectively implement and manage email verification in their Laravel 10 applications, paving the way for more secure and user-centric web platforms.
https://www.tempmail.us.com/en/laravel/implementing-permanent-email-verification-status-on-user-profiles-in-laravel-10

I recently started wearing the hijab, and I felt very good and secure about it but my mother (who wears hijab) has now made me feel insecure. She says my undercap is ugly and that I should show a little hair, so she’s made me do that. And she also likes the turban hijab style on me (which to me is not proper hijab) and that makes her happy. If I do wear “proper hijab” she gets upset with me and tells me mean comments. I have not argued against her, I’ve stayed silent because I get so angry that I would rather not speak while I’m angry because I might say something I’ll regret.
Initially, she didn’t even want me to put on the hijab, she threatened to even kill herself because I did put it, and she threatened me saying I’ll give her a heart attack. However, now she’s ok with it alhamdullilah but she’s controlling the way I wear it.
This hurts my feelings so much and I get so angry and frustrated but I’m holding it all in.
Don’t get me wrong, my mother is a lovely woman and she does everything for me. She’s an amazing person but she has a lot of temper issues and she is a little arrogant.
And when I make a mistake and say “sorry” she tells me she hates “sorry” and it makes her more angry. When I say “inshallah” she says it’s an act. When I say “no thank you” to something, she gets angry and says she hates when I say that. So what do I do?? I try so hard to be respectful but the smallest thing will make her angry and lose her temper. This burden is really heavy on my heart and I am not sure how to deal with her. All I do is keep quiet.
Also, she is not removing my pictures from her Instagram where I was not wearing hijab. She says “it’s hard for me to remove it” and I just kept quiet and said ok. :/

About a year ago, I [29 M] was in a toxic relationship with J [29 M]. While there were no serious stakes in it (no kids or messy finances), the relationship and breakup ended up emotionally affecting me in a way I had never really thought possible. I feel guilty because after the relationship I tried to be friends with my ex still, which I now see as a mistake in the context of this relationship, and then after a few months, he blocked me because I didn't respect a boundary he had set about not sending him long messages. He said he didn't feel safe since I "completely ignored" the boundary.
I was devastated, but over the course of the next few months, came to understand a great deal of ways that I feel that I had been abused during the relationship. I felt angrier and angrier, and even though I was seeing a therapist, it eventually boiled over. My ex had blocked me on discord and probably on text, but I went onto an astrology app called Co-Star that he had had me download, and sent a message using it that said something like, "You were an abusive partner, but you can make it right with an apology."
Now, I have no idea if he actually saw the message. It was sent with a weird feature of the app called Chaos Mode that apparently chooses to send the message at some future time, so who knows if it actually ever sent. I don't know if he still has the app, if he unfriended me, or whatnot. But I feel guilty because I enacted exactly the caricature of me that he had created--I hadn't respected his boundaries, and I sent the message anyways.
At the same time, I am still feeling very victimized by the relationship. To give you a sense of the kinds of things that were going on in the relationship, here's a few examples that I currently find a little horrific [Note: this kind of turned into a summary of the relationship after I wrote it]. I'm aware that to heal I should probably not be ruminating about these things, especially if they lead me to boil over and message him, but here you go.
The first time I had sex with him, he slammed the door on me for not being able to finish and said "finish yourself." When I came to bed, I told him I felt shame. He said "good." The next time we had sex, he set a timer for me and said I had to finish within 5 minutes. These were the first times I ever had sex. He was manipulative in bed, telling me he didn't want to perform certain acts because I didn't give him enough praise for them, so that I started exaggerating my pleasure; he blamed me for why certain positions weren't working and was frustrated with how my body worked. On top of this, he admitted at the end of the relationship to having had sex with me around five times after he decided to break up with me (before he did), which just makes me feel a bit icky.
He would put me down in pretty transparently cruel ways. One example was when I exerted myself, he said I sounded like a muppet and that he "didn't want to be dating a muppet." When I offered him a blanket but apologized that it might not have been washed in a while, he called me a baby. He would insult my ability to give complements, asking me to tell him what color his eyes are but then rejecting everything that I gave him, telling me I was bad at complements repeatedly (and saying that it wasn't fair of him because his other exes were artists, so no wonder I was bad). Now, there were times that he was complementary to me--he told me I was hot, good at singing, good at writing, smart--but also times where he would put me down for things I was less good at, like cooking.
He constantly made me feel insecure about my gender. (For context, we are both men, but he was raised as a woman). So he would make pretty sweeping feminist critiques over fairly mundane things, like if I complained when I was sick he would go off about how men are always babies when they are sick and women don't get attention. When I confronted him about some of the things he was saying, telling him that while I wanted him to express these kinds of social problems so that I could be aware and adapt, I was feeling insecure in the relationship--he flipped it around and told me that if I didn't feel loved, he could say "I love you" less, and that I hadn't been grateful enough for when he came to visit me. (I had written him poetry, deep cleaned my apartment, taken time off work, sent my roommate off for the week, bought him a bus pass, planned his visit, met him in the airport despite not having a car, and just an insane amount of work to be turned into, "you weren't grateful enough").
Other than namecalling, he was just plain controlling. The reason that the boundary around me not sending long messages exists is that when I felt insecure--which I think makes sense given the ways he would talk to me--I would often send him a few paragraphs apologizing and explaining how I was growing. Even though long messages were the first thing he said he loved about me, and that he said our communication was like magic, he eventually set up what he called an "Essay embargo" and told me not to write them. The first time he set the "embargo", he had said it was only until we met in person because he didn't want me to write anything that would make him nervous. After we met in person, I assumed the embargo had lifted. Yet shortly after, he set it again, giving a few explanations--the main one just being that he wanted to appreciate our relationship without overthinking it. It seemed playful. He definitely did also say that long messages made him uncomfortable because he felt obligated to send a response. So, when I did send messages, I would add that he didn't have to respond (which I realize is not fully respecting the boundary). I did ask after sending messages whether they were ok and he never responded to those questions.
Despite this, there were times during the relationship that I continued to send long, often apologetic messages. I had felt like this boundary was set playfully and I also was feeling overwhelming guilt that I, for whatever reason, needed his affirmation for. I am conflicted because on the one hand, I was definitely ignoring his boundary--but on the other, I feel like the boundary was not very thoughtful of my own needs, either.
Prior to the breakup, it was hell. He was getting angry at me for everything--for pretty mundane things like using the bathroom before him and stinking it up. He told me he had to show me how to do everything, but I realize now that a lot of this was just him being particular (e.g, he told me I don't know how to drink tea because I left the bag in, when I just like it strong). Unfortunately, I had flown 5,000 miles to visit him and was sort of trapped in his proximity, and was drunk on love still since I was trying very hard, it was my first relationship, and he had sold me on notions of fairytale romance and told me we were cosmically meant to be together and other lovebomby sort of things. We flew to a convention and I met some of his friends, and at one point he introduced me to a girl he had almost dated before, saying I was a friend and not a partner. I pointed this out to him later and he just said "does that make you angry?". He flirted with a woman at a party, telling her she was pretty while demanding that i bring him snacks (I feel so, so weak for not confronting him about this). He got drunk and I stayed with him as he passed out, but he was angry at me in the morning. When one of his friends told me they thought I was nice, because i was opening doors for everyone, my ex said "Is he really?" Questioning them.
The breakup itself was cold and calculated. He started it by telling me that he thought about not giving me any reasons for the breakup because I always overanalyze things. He told me he wouldn't have broken up with me if I was a woman. He told me I didn't take care of him and he needs a partner that takes care of him, and that his partners always feel taken care of. He threw some things I had said at the beginning of the relationship back at me--misquoting and misunderstanding them.
After the relationship, I had no idea what to think. It was my first relationship. It had started with fairytale romance. I had been passing his tests, I had been an exception to his long string of abusive relationships. He presented himself as this incredibly moral person (vegan, environmentally conscious, telling me of all of the ways others had abused him that he would never do, even his closest friends). I had completely internalized criticisms that he had had of me throughout the relationship, many of which had led to serious self reflection and my writing messages about my growth. Within a week I told him I still loved him and that I always would. He reminded me of his boundary around long messages and said they made him anxious. I was desperate. We took a few weeks of no-contact. We messaged short-messages back and forth, with a few life-updates to eachother each. He told me he was rescuing a kitten that he found, and I remembered how he could be kind.
But as I processed, more and more, I felt angry. I wrote unsent angry letters in the notes app on my phone for a month. I wrote myself a 20,000 word summary of the relationship. This was not a healthy way to process. It elevated me. (Some of you will probably comment that maybe I shouldn't have written this post for the same reason, but oh well--I wanted to process and I want to hear if others have similar stories). Meanwhile, my ex kept pushing back the date for when we would verbally connect again. Eventually, I boiled over. I did not insult him. But I wrote a long message explaining that I wanted to take 3 months of no-contact. I had entered another relationship and told him that even though I was feeling angry at him, he shouldn't be worried because even though I had baggage from the relationship, I was communicating well with my new partner. I also told him that I felt like if I did talk with him, that I would end up tearing him a new one, and that I needed time to cool down. I'm not proud of the message in general, but I didn't call names, tell him he was awful, or anything like that. I was just insensitive and told him I was angry.
And like that, I was blocked. It was over. A period of about 9 months, five of which we were together, with two before escalating towards love bombing and two after escalating towards my boiling over.
And yet, I had never expressed to him that I thought he had been abusive. I felt frustrated that I had told him that I would always love him, when in many ways now I hated him.
Five months passed, during which I came to realize more and more how messed up the relationship was.
And then I sent the message on Co-star.
Fast forward another four months to now.
I just sent him a text, knowing he probably has blocked me there too. It said something like, "I want my last message to you just be: I'm sorry, and I forgive you." I wanted to free myself. I needed to not feel angry at him or ashamed of myself. I needed to not feel like I had a million things to say to him--I needed to just say, this is it: I'm not sending more messages. I'm sorry, and I forgive you. It was for myself. I was forgiving him selfishly, even though he didn't deserve it, so that I could move on.
I feel like I shouldn't have sent this, but I don't feel bad about it yet, either. I needed closure. It always felt like there was some "message I could send" to detail his abuse, and I needed to not have that standing over me--I needed to forgive. I am now oscillating between wondering about myself--whether I have a problem with boundaries, since I had boiled over at this point three times to message him. Feeling frustrated I didn't assert myself about his abuse, that I doubled down on loving him. Part of me is glad that I sent the message on Co-Star saying that he was abusive, because it was the only indication I ever gave him, really, that what he did wasn't ok to me--he had blocked me before I could articulate anything. But I also know that this message even if received would not mean anything to him.
Anyways, now I'm venting about it here on Reddit. Does anyone have similar experiences surrounding self control messaging exes and feeling a bit out of control?

First, a while back I posted about hanging out with a guy (M33) whose acquaintance had warned me that he’s not to be trusted nor taken seriously. I’ve officially been hanging other with him for over a month now. I had initially decided to cut things off with him but we ended up working out together and then I thought about asking him what he wants but the words of the acquaintance ringed loud in my head that I figured WTF let me just date other people and keep him around as a friend.
Well… we have spent more time together and the more time we spend, the more I discovered his softer side. For example: one of the things that surprised me about him is that he is a man of his word and I’ve seen how much taking care of me when I visit his apartment which seems to make him happy.
Last week I slept at his place because we were doing some home exercises and honestly I have gotten comfortable in that if I go there; I’ll spend the night on his couch. Anyways, I was wearing white leggings that got dirty, the next day he left me alone in his apartment and I ended up wearing his clothes when leaving; I left him a note and thought he would be annoyed by the whole thing but instead he text “please take good care of my favourite shorts ;)”
Anyways, I have never been so confused by a person’s behaviour before and have somewhat come to realize that he may appear to be not serious about women because he doesn’t want to communicate or have any intense feelings; looks like his tough act is a cover because his behaviour is of such a softie.
The more time I spend with him the more I like him. Now I don’t know if I should let my guard down and see what happens or if I should just continue being just friendly and casual with him.
Second thing is about dating multiple people. How do you guys separate your feelings? I went on a date with a very sweet guy(M37) yesterday and it was a good date but I noticed how much this person made me think about M33 even though him and I are not dating. When M33 and I met, I had something with M40 and I felt so guilty the first time I slept over at M33’s place because it felt disloyal and now I feel like M37 is awesome but doesn’t challenge me intellectually as much as M33 does and is not as ambitious :( but at least he knows what he wants.

I’m after the relationship that goes the distance, the one that results in love and, when the time is right, the ‘m word’. I can’t think of anything I look forward to more than spending my life with the woman I love.
I love physical displays of affection, both public and otherwise. Gestures like holding, hugging, etc, are something I adore and would always welcome, especially because I love the excitement and warm feeling that come with being close to the one you love.
The person I am after is someone who is kind and caring, somebody that I can relaxed around. I don’t want the stress of being around someone who gets set off my the smallest thing. My sense of humour is varied, although it can best be described as something of a mix of Chandler Bing (RIP) and Edmund Blackadder.
When we’re together, my ideal night would involve spending our time at home, curled up on the sofa together and watching a film, or playing a game, although I’m not against the occasional day/night out if it’s just the two of us.I watch little in the way of current TV or films, and almost no sport. My main solo hobbies can be found on my friends post.
If we’re apart, as I presume we would be in the early days of our relationship, then, because I game a fair bit, I’d be open to you watching me play something, or vice versa if you game as well. We could also chat while we play our own individual games. We can also watch films, TV, etc, or whatever may bring us closer together.
I’m in the UK, so I would prefer to talk to someone who is also in the UK, as it would make things convenient for the both of us, and it would also make meeting up easier, and I would want to meet up if things progress well. However, I am open to talking to people who are overseas, as long as you’re moving to the UK in the near future, and that the move is, if not set in stone, then is at least guaranteed to happen or to be able to happen. Be aware that I am unable to travel overseas, although not for any nefarious reason.
I’m a vegetarian, though I don’t mind being around meat eaters as long as they’re respectful of how I feel. I don’t drink and, while I’m okay being with someone who does, it won’t work if you’re a person who drinks frequently. I’m non-religious and non-spiritual, and this will never change, and my views are generally what you’d call progressive and liberal. Disparate views are one thing, but if you use terms like ‘PC/PC culture’, ‘liberal’ or ‘woke’ as pejoratives, we will not get along. In addition, I do not smoke and will not be with a smoker.
I’m okay with either private messaging or Reddit chat, though I’d like to move off Reddit once we both feel comfortable doing so. Once we’ve moved to a different platform, exchanging pictures is then also something that would be done once we’re both comfortable, as would voice and video chat, especially because the best way to really get to know someone is through real-time communication.
Your opening message doesn’t have to be that long, just give me something to work with, something that can spark conversation. If you have any questions, queries, posers, then feel free to ask.

I’m trying to understand if I’m the problem or if there’s really something to this. I am surrounded by Cancers (by blood or career, not by choice) and they ALL annoy tf out of me to the point where I’ve had to keep my own Cancer mom at arm’s length bc of not being able to stand her personality. Here are the common Cancer traits that I’ve noticed:

• Self-absorbed, they make everything about THEM. Example: I casually mention I have a headache and they immediately have to one-up me with their own headache story and how they also didn’t sleep well and their nose hairs hurt. Or someone mentions going through a breakup and they suddenly have some long, sad breakup story of their own to tell. They always claim to “know exactly how you feel” but they’re not even remotely close to knowing and have no desire to understand. They just want to talk about themselves.
• Poor listeners, including frequently interrupting/trying to finish others’ sentences.
• Passive aggressive!!! Whiny and sniffling about something always but won’t just outright tell you what tf is wrong when you ask them. Why should I have to play 20 questions to get someone to just say what they want/need? Cancers can’t EVER seem to express themselves without passive aggressive whining. It’s exhausting.
• Emotionally manipulative behavior. All the Cancers I know try to win attention and compliments by making self-effacing comments like “I’m so ugly” or “I’m so fat.” It’s so cringey and self-centered.
• They use gifts (sometimes money) to try to win people over and then get unreasonably sad/mopey if the recipient isn’t over the top thrilled and gushing with gratitude and adoration
• Instead of having an actual argument, they love to play the martyr and will shut down and play the punching bag instead of working out disagreements through conversation
• They naively claim to be super “independent”, but they’re actually just too self-obsessed to have healthy relationships, so they naturally end up alone
• They are OBSESSED with the past and can’t let go. They’re never forward-thinking or solution-driven. Every Cancer I know just loves to commiserate about what went wrong in the past and dwell in their sad thoughts about what could have been, instead of taking any action to fix or improve things.
• They brag about the same things for YEARS. They once hit a home run in little league and haven’t played sports since then, but, at age 40, they still tell the story annually and brag how athletic they are. Or someone once hit on them at a bar in college and at age 73 they still brag about how “hot” they looked that night.
• They are lazy. They spend 40 seconds cleaning one window and act like they expect an award for world’s best housekeeper. They never have any energy and love to just sit around doing anything but being productive.
• They expect people to make a big deal over them whenever they enter a room and then act like Eeyore if everyone doesn’t drop everything to gush over them and thank them for their presence. Then they’ll pull you aside and say things like “Does this outfit look okay?” when we all know what they’re really asking is: Why didn’t everyone notice me and drop everything to tell me how great I look?

I have many more qualms with Cancers but these are the main traits that I find extremely off-putting. It’s the ONLY sign that I don’t enjoy being with! I really want to know if I am the only one who feels this way about Cancers or if others notice it too.
(FYI: I’m also a water sign, a healthcare provider, an empath, and a nurturer. I am not simply insensitive or cold-hearted. I just can’t stand those personality traits I mentioned above. I’m very much open to being reproached and the possibility that I’m the problem. Lay it on me!)

So I came from a talk that touched on some mental health topics very lightly that you come across during the PhD. I feel that as pjs students we need more support to mentally prepare and deal with mental health. Especially since it’s on the rise in PhD students. So I am interested in organizing a monthly like mental health session or group talk (not sure how to describe it), however I only have a limited ideas about it like having the theme of imposter syndrome and having one professional to talk about it and having like a focused session for PhD students to open up.
Does this make sense? Do you have ideas or improvements? What would you want to see in such events as a PhD student?

Hi there!
Boy, I had a lot to say about this one. So far, the Zero series has been a blast. Really excited to keep diving into them! I've heard the ZX series is also good, but a bit weird... but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
As always, if you read all this rambling nonsense, thank you!

Mega Man Zero 2
A game sequel is a great opportunity to fine-tune a great or flawed game. Where Mega Man Zero set the stage for yet another Mega Man spinoff series, Zero 2 is where it begins to find its footing—but not without tripping a bit.
I think Zero 2 can be summed up like this: it is more Mega Man Zero. If you liked that game, you will like this game. It carries over much of what that game established and adds a few minor QOL tweaks to make it shine. Sadly, I think the flaws it doesn’t address is what holds Zero 2 back from being truly great.
Let’s start with the good stuff.
The storyline here is a big step-up. With these games, it’s clear Capcom wanted to place a greater focus on the characters themselves, along with storylines that are a bit more complex than “wake up Mega Man the same asshole you’ve fought for 10 years is, to everyone’s surprise, being an asshole”. The game’s main villain, for example, is a well-meaning chap that starts off on your side but becomes corrupt thanks to what seems to be an intense desire to prove himself—a desire that leads to a ton of collateral damage to both allies and enemies. We establish what I imagine will be a key theme going forward: whatever the hell the Dark Elf is, it seems to latch onto personality quirks that it can use to its advantage and crank them up to 11. Just about every boss you fight exhibits this, especially in the refight stages. It’s not quite going Maverick; something about it feels more sinister, somehow.
The elf system returns, and using them still tanks your rank, but this time you can at least find sub tanks out in the world. A new upgrade system rewards you for playing through levels in specific ways (kill X amount of enemies with a dash attack, kill Y amount of enemies with the buster, etc.) and grants you new forms that do everything from turning your saber combo into a single powerful swing or letting you roly-poly-blenderman your way across stages (a personal favorite, for sure).
Another upgrade system, one that I have mixed feelings on, is EX forms. Bosses still don’t drop their weapons, but if you clear a level while your rank is A or higher, you’ll unlock a unique, often powerful ability. I’m mixed on this because on one hand, rewarding skilled play is great. It incentivizes more playthroughs and taking the time to master the game’s systems (and, indeed, I do really want to play this one again and see if I can improve! And I wanna try hard mode! Mega Man games do not typically have this effect on me!). On the other… well. I don’t think it’s very fun to grant awards that ultimately make the game easier and more fun… to highly skilled players only. I feel like they could’ve balanced this better. If nothing else, tying the “damage” points to how much health you have at the end of a boss vs. how much damage you took throughout the level may have balanced it out more.
Or perhaps I should simply “git gud” as the kids say. (Do the kids still say this? Sorry. I’m an old)
One thing to the game’s detriment is that weapon upgrades return, and they’re just as clunky as before. Kill X enemies with a weapon and you’ll unlock a new ability for it, and just like Zero 1, the charge shot takes way too long to get to. Let me charge my damn shots, Capcom! Why make me wait?
The other returning flaws are harder to blame the game for—i.e., the GBA’s screen size making it harder to avoid damage from off-screen (and spikes, Capcom please, you do not need to put spikes at the bottom of a long drop, who hurt you?). Things like that.
Along with returning flaws come a handful of new ones. The most significant one being the Chain Rod. I don’t really know how to sugar coat this: the Chain Rod sucks. As a weapon it’s mostly fine, I guess. But the utility is bafflingly poor. The intended use of it is to use it as a grappling hook, swinging across ceilings to avoid spikes or to reach higher, hard-to-reach spots. The problem is that it feels awful to use. Building momentum simply isn’t possible—it stops you dead in your tracks unless you manage to angle the shot just right during a jump. Maybe my brain is just hard-wired to use these things a certain way (Super Metroid, Super Castlevania IV, and even Environmental Station Alpha comes to mind) but there was almost never a point where using this thing felt better than just jumping across a gap or finding some other way to get to an Elf.
That aside, when I say this game is “more Mega Man Zero” that does mean all the good things as well. Boss fights? Sublime. Zero’s controls? Smooth. The spritework? Immaculate. Ultimately, I feel that Zero 2 is an improvement over Zero 1 in almost every conceivable way. But there are enough little things carried over from the first that I’m left wanting more. It is for that reason that I’m giving it a slightly lower score.
8/10

Classic Series 1-4 Classic Series 5-6 Classic Series 7-8 Classic Series 9-10
Mega Man X Mega Man X2 Mega Man X3 Mega Man X4
Mega Man X5 Mega Man X6 Mega Man X7 Mega Man X8
Mega Man Zero

I got my last dreamy some time ago and I haven't really had any reason to decorate in a while. My island is feeling stagnant to me and I'm thinking of flattening the whole area and redoing it with a theme. Problem is, I've narrowed down the list of villagers I want to have to about... 15. It almost feels like picking for a theme is harder than picking dreamies, because I have no emotional attachment to these guys yet. How do I pick just 10?
I see some people talk about the the designs they're working on and the villagers they've selected, then ask for help narrowing down a list to the final selection. But under the comments, all the villagers are praised. Every one is someone's favorite. And other people come in with more recommendations that fit the theme the poster hadn't considered. I feel like if I did this, I'd cross one villager off my list and come out with another half dozen recommendations I like, and be worse off on deciding lol.
So, people who've made this grueling decision before, how did you narrow it down to 10 villagers? If you've requested outside input, does the bombardment of love for all the villagers make it easier or harder to decide?

So, in December of '22 we found out we were pregnant and we ended up having to move to his home town because that's the only place we could find an affordable home that was big enough for us. I had zero reason to ever mistrust my husband at this point in our marriage. He was my best friend and we were inseparable. Maybe this is why I feel the way I do now. Because since we moved here, everything is different. Our relationship flopped and now he doesn't even tell me when he's leaving.
When we moved here he ended up getting a job that one of his childhood friends refered him to and he's been there ever since. His boss is a guy maybe 6 years older than him who is a party animal by nature. Has pit fires every weekend and has a social circle of like 200+ people it seems. By a month or two in to us living here, not only did he start asking my husband to tag along with him wherever he went (under the guise of meeting people who can help him "build connections" in their career) but he also started having my husband attend jobs with him that weren't on the books and my husband simply went along with it. He is also a man who pushes you to do shit, even when you say no. There's been multiple times I have physically witnessed my husband saying no and this guy will straight up call him a pussy or simply refuse to take "no" for an answer. Since we moved here, there have been several occurrences where my husband doesn't come home until 2-5am because he was out with his boss at his bosses buddies houses, drinking and whatever else. When he is home now, he's just quiet. I can't even remember the last time we had a meaningful conversation and we have literally almost broken up at least 4 times now, which is NOT normal for us. We could have worked through literally anything prior to us moving here and him becoming interweaved with this boss of his. He does his part when he's home (cooking, cleaning, trash, laundry and grocery) and when he's present, he is absolutely fantastic with our child. But quite literally the most I get out of him now is a 3 minute fuck session; which went from being once every couple weeks (his choice) to now he wants it every day (which is weird to me because why the fuck are you so horny constantly now?) But the big issue is that his boss is sexist and it's rubbing off on my husband. Since moving here, if I get pissed off that he is gone practically every weekend and sometimes during the week, he gets angry and says "I work all the fucking time" or "I worked all fucking day, I need a breather", just to apologize the next day. On 2 occasions, he has pulled the "you women" lines (NOT normal at all).
Well, his boss was here on Friday drinking. My husband remained sober because I told him I was going to let loose for once and had a few drinks myself while he had our baby. He had the baby for about an hour before his boss was telling him that it was time to go out to the pits. I told both my husband and his boss that no, my husband wasn't leaving. I was having a night to myself and where it was mother's day weekend, I deserved it. My husband did end up leaving but was only gone 20 minutes (to drop boss off). But just to be spite me, his boss called him in to work on Mother's Day (they NEVER work Sundays and quite literally never have). After this weekend I truly can't look at my husband the same. He lost his back bone when he met this guy and has become his bosses bitch. I told him last night that I am heavily considering divorce because I hate his boss and I know he won't quit his job and find something else. He of course is spewing promises now but I don't believe him honestly. Summer is coming up and I know this is bound to get worse. He's been basically crying ever since and called off work today but I won't comfort him. I spoke to a friend of mine about it (my husband's bosses wife, oddly enough) and she says I'm wrong because her husband and my husband are simply "best friends" and they only act like this because of how close they are and I'm being controlling by trying to make my husband choose me or his job/friendship. AITA?
ETA: naturally I assumed people would gather that I have spoken to my husband about this, considering it's been the reason behind why we have almost split up, as I said in the post. but anyways, I have spoken to my husband about this several times. To a point where it's a weekly conversation at this point. I have suggested therapy. He doesn't have time because of how often he works. The thing is, he literally complains about his boss constantly. He talks so much shit about him but ya know. Don't start with the "he works hard to provide for his family" bullshit. I literally work full time from home while taking care of our child the entire time. He doesn't get a pass because he works and does chores. He is inside this house for (at most) 2 hours a night before going to bed for work the next day. During those 2 hours he will take out the trash, do his dishes and hang out with the baby. He will wake me up in the middle of the night to get his rocks off.

Warning: if you’re a new parent, and easily upset by posts regarding difficulties with older babies, please stop reading. Your mental health matters and I don’t wish to discourage anyone with this post. Just seeking some needed support.
So, my LO is almost 6.5 months now. I adore him. But he has been HARD. Pretty colicky to begin with, very gassy, issues with food sensitivities we’re still sorting out. Won’t take a pacifier or a bottle. Hated his car seat until 3 months. Baby wearing is a no go. He does like the stroller and will tolerate his bouncer for awhile.
I had a couple complications during pregnancy, a very fast birth resulting in bruising, a cephalohematoma (has healed), and jaundice. Things started to improve around 10-12 weeks. We had a really good stretch for awhile between 5-6 months, some really good days with little fussing. Sleep was still awful, but has improved. But lately, since he turned 6 months, things seem to be much harder again. He’s fussy like 50% of each wake window. He’s so frustrated about not being able to crawl yet (he’s close), and just had his first tooth pop through so I know that’s part of it.
I’ve been feeling so discouraged lately, particularly because I haven’t been enjoying all my time with him which makes me feel guilty. I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve had this pit in my stomach and it occurred to me this morning, the difference is hope… when things were so tough in the early days, I’d read so much about how things would get better, usually by 6 months. Gas, sleep, fussing, everything, always by 6 months. Well, we’re there, and it has only gotten worse again. I have two other kids, so I know eventually it does get much better, but holy cow, the whining and fussing are so frustrating some days. I feel like I’m just constantly juggling him from area to area, activity to activity, none of which last very long. I’m just feeling so drained. I know I should be grateful for so many things. He’s here, he’s safe, he’s absolutely adorable, he has some wonderful times of smiles and giggles. He goes to other people without screaming, he’s rolling all over the house and exploring, he’s overall healthy and strong. But I don’t know, as soon as he starts fussing, I get so stressed. I think hitting 6 months, a time I had unintentionally built up in my head as being such a turning point, and having things get worse rather than better has been really harmful.
As far as any physical issues, we see a holistic nurse practitioner and we have seen a regular pediatrician. We do gas drops and probiotics daily. We see a pediatric chiropractor. We’ve met with a lactation consultant as well. I’ve cut all major allergens from my diet, along with other items I’ve discovered are bothersome. I have been responding to his needs, we co sleep at night and naps are all contact naps still.
Maybe it’s just me. Maybe he isn’t as high needs as I think, maybe it’s just my anxiety and sleep deprivation. Can anyone relate or offer some hope? Thanks in advance!