Candy bar school encouragement sayings

Hello everyone, I have had an interesting trip to say the least. Backstory, me and the bride met in middle school at a summer Christian camp. We went to the same school, but she was a year older than me. We were close friends in high school but drifted during college because that’s what typically happens. Fast forward, she graduated last year and moved back with her fiancé. We linked up afterwards and our friendship is doing great. I was invited to the wedding, not a bridesmaid which is not a problem because I am so happy that she met someone who cares for her. I just wanted to clear that up because I know some will jump to conclusions (looking at you Charlotte, if you’re even reading this). Now, the bride invited me to the bachelorette weekend and of course I accepted because who doesn’t like a girls exclusive weekend?! She got it for free from one of the bridesmaids and asked if she could bring me since one of the other bridesmaids just gave birth. She accepted!
We will call the owner of the beach house Stella. Stella was fun to be around and seemed to have a great sense of humor. I found her to be passive aggressive towards me, after seeing my necklace (I have a birthstone that my bf gave me, a cremation necklace for my dog who recently passed {bf also got me that bc he’s a sweetheart and we love a good gentleman around here}, and lastly a cross with an infinity thing). She stared at my chest a lot, I originally thought that she was just enamored or jealous by my enormous jugs (I am a size H) and shrugged it off. Later we were playing drinking games in the house (still the first night) and every thing was great! Stella suggested that we play truth and dare, which I didn’t like because I thought that it was too high-schooly, but I went along anyways. After everyone had gone around, Stella suggested spicing things up. I was interested by replacing the truth rule with drinking, but immediately thrown off when she suggested stripping. As I stated earlier, I have size H boobs, I have always been self conscious about them, especially since they have scars from open heart surgery. Stella said we would have to work our way from the top to the bottom and then first one out of clothes had to streak. I thought it was an insane idea, but really who am I to judge as a Christian? That’s Gods job, not mine. I politely declined and told the girls that I would be on the balcony watching the waves because I was uncomfortable with showing my boobs to everyone because I am not good with dares. Needless to say Stella threw a fit and called me a boring Bible thumper. I had not mentioned my faith at that point during the ENTIRE day. The bride stepped in and asked if we could just cut out the stripping part. That must have hit a few nerves because Stella told her that there was no way that she was taking my side because she knew what Christians had done to her in the past. Now I had no idea that she had any religious trauma and I feel bad that evil people severed her relationship with God because of their selfishness. I think it’s awful that so many hijack Christianity for evil and I do not blame her for the conclusions that she had jumped to about all Christians. Turns out my friend had never mentioned that she was a Christian because of Stella’s disdain. Shit hit the fan when the bride told Stella that she was a Christian and that we became friends at a Christian camp. She freaked out and said that she could not believe that she had been lied to all of these years (they became friends 2 years ago) and that she could not stand to be around ‘disgusting Bible thumpers for any longer’. We were all drunk. None of us could drive. And Stella wanted me and the bride out. The other bridesmaids were trying to calm Stella down and reassure her that not all Christians are menaces. Stella went to her room rambling about how I had made her friend (the bride) a homophobic witch. We stayed the night, hoping Stella was too drunk to remember (which is where we might have been in the wrong) and hoped for an apology if she did. I honestly thought she would be embarrassed by her behavior. Instead the morning after she doubled down, BROKE DOWN THE DOOR OF THE BEDROOM I WAS STAYING IN, and demanded that the bride and I leave. The bachelorette weekend was then spent in our hometown bar hopping at the few bars there and sleeping at my parents house. The bride asked Stella to step down and she told the bride to fuck off because she was going to step down anyways. I cash apped her 150 for ‘I’m sorry, here’s some money for a new door’ and she sent it back under ‘I don’t take money from homophobic Bible thumpers’. I think that was her only insult, I have no fucking idea but man did my friend dodge a bullet. Imagine what Stella’s reaction would have been if a pastor had shown up to the wedding and she had to watch my friend and her fiancé announce their love to Jesus Christ and form a marriage in his name. And for the question you all may be asking, no, I will not be a bridesmaid because I am graduating college and am broke.

Hi hi there! Been finding myself kind of lonely and friendless lately and late so I'm trying to make some new connections out here. Whether it be platonic (with men or women) or if it goes that way naturally, I'm also open to maybe something more (with women only). Just be honest what you're looking for is all I'm asking. Definitely more of an introvert but I can be a yapper! (don't say I didn't warn ya)
Some info about me that might be relevant:

• I'm of Southeast Asian descent
• Born and raised in Southern California
• Raised Buddhist but I'm not religious at all
• I love reading fantasies, manga, manhwa, manhua, sci-fi, horror, and poorly written web novels
• Hit me up if you wanna game sometimes! I play mostly on PC nowadays
• Currently focused on self-improvement (going back to school to finish up my degree in CS, try to socialize more, working out, being open to new experiences, being more mindful and just generally a better person)
• Been trying to pick up new outdoor hobbies
• Big fan of crime procedural shows for some reason (Criminal Minds, Numbers, Psych), cartoons like Furturama/Avatar:TLA, Rick and Morty, Simpsons, ect and anime (I used to be a huge weeb), shows like Friends, Psych, Numbers, ect.

Looking for someone chill and more laid back to chat with. We can game, watch shows/movies or just talk. Maybe we can even meet one day! We can hit up an arcade, get some korean bbq or watch something together if we vibe well together! Please send me a message with some info about yourself if you wanna chat! :]

Hello, I come here (and I hope they don't delete me), but I have discovered something about Joshua Maddux that caught my attention a lot. Apparently, he did know Andrew Newman and his friends. I have even found photos that could involve them... One was taken on May 8, 2008 IN THE CABIN WHERE HE WAS FOUND and another photo of Andy Newman from 2007. Above all, another school class list where they did go together. What do you think? Many will say it's unfounded, but the main photo I show is of a boy who played with Andy Newman in his band The Baumers.
To understand the photo of the boy along with the date of May 8, 2008 (the date Joshua disappeared), he is seen sitting outside the same cabin. In Google maps we can see that It is the same structure.

Need helpful advice/tips/real talk/encouragement on being a 6th grade math teacher!
Here’s why. Growing up math was my least favorite subject. I excelled in English and history and only was able to pass algebra etc. due to homework counting towards final grades. All of that to say I’d probably never seek a math position ever so naturally when I went in for an interview for 6th grade ELAR, partly through the interview they informed me I could possibly teach math instead. Fast forward a few days and they offered me 6th grade math.
So, I started envisioning mastering math and basically taking it and running with it, re-learning it so that I can teach it in a fun way. I have all summer to go over standards and curriculums. Im here seeking experiences from other math teachers and how they like it, what they don’t like, etc.
Thanks in advance!

I caught my narcissist mom in a lie and I don't know what to do.
I need help and opinions. Thanks for reading if you do!
In the last year or so, I've recovered some bad memories of my childhood and some of that was preceded and followed by other bad memories of growing up with my mom and dad, Mostly my mom, and have realized that she is a narcissist among other things.
I am also currently in nursing school and if anyone has been through a grueling education process, you'll understand that your time cannot be on what you want or what other people want it to be all the time. It is 2 full time jobs worth of studying, sometimes more, on top of 2+ jobs and other responsibilities. Due to this, our relationship is growing further strained because I am not able to do what she wants me to do when she wants me to do it. She guilt trips me for studying or even just taking care of my mental health, and consistently interrupts or even stops me from studying all together. I do not study at home anymore due to that and so she guilt trips me when I come home from work or school for not being here to help or whatever it is. The thing is, I've tried to do it all plus school and multiple jobs. I can't. I almost failed my last semester because I did everything she wanted to me to do all the time bc I figured it would be easier. Obviously it wasn't. It is a lot to type out so this not everything that happened but gives you a little bit of background.
Well there has been a couple of big fights, a lot actually. And it's mentally messed with me. Now I'm at a point where I don't let it bother me too much outwardly but can't help but let it bother me on the inside sometimes. So much so, that I've decided it's time for my sister, her son and I to get an apartment. I think my parents and I's relationship would be better if I weren't here. And I told them that.
Now all of a sudden, my mom has started with this desperate campaign to show me how much of a waste of money it would be for me to move out and pushing on me that if I'm not going to buy their house that they're either going to keep it til they die (another trigger for me) or sell it to someone in the family. Earlier today, she told me that my cousin wants to buy the house. I told her, yes that's a good idea because when we get our apartment, that they could move out and get a different house and if I wanted to buy the house later on, I could. Well, apparently, she didn't expect that reaction from me. I told her that it was a good idea and she was flabbergasted. She stopped talking about that and moved on.
A few days ago, one of the fights she started was about the fact that she had accidentally taken one of my scrubs and dried them, which I dont do. I hang dry them. It wasn't a big deal to me. I just rewashed them and had to retrain the fabric again. Not a big deal but it was made a big deal bc i had to rewash them, wasting time and money. She freaks out and when I tell her that she is literally freaking out about NOTHING, it makes her angrier bc how dare I tell her that? How dare I say that she made a mistake, no matter how small it is. This blew up into her refusing to accept a mother's day gift or even read a card until I let her belittle and scream at me that I've changed and how horrible of a daughter I am, how I'm using my studying as a crutch to not do anything (even though I do), and how much I've hurt her by not doing what she wants me to do. She also said, along with my dad, that I am a narcissist because I'm setting boundaries that I do not want to talk about anything political and have to make hard boundaries about studying... in order for me to pass my classes, mind you. Only after an hour and a half of her and my dad belittling me and telling me how I've changed for the worse and how much I've hurt her, did she open the card and say "thanks for the beautiful card." She initially refused to take my card but took my sister's, literally in my face, and took the time to read everything out loud from her card before saying she will not read mine because I don't care about her or love her. This is a tactic she does often to try to pin my sister and I against each other. This is not everything, but more for background.
Her M.O. is to push the blame onto me about absolutely everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING. Even stuff that has nothing to do with me. Well, today she tried that but I caught her in a lie instead.
I had done some of mine and my sisters clothes right before she came down and I had a pair of scrubs under a sweater on the dryer that I hadn't put away yet. When she went into the laundry room to switch her laundry over (because she also tries to gatekeep the laundry room,) she lied and told me that she had just pulled the scrubs out of the dryer and said that even I mess up because I had actually put her clothes in the dryer and I hadn't taken them out. Of course she doesn't know that I knew those scrubs were NOT in that load and were already done previously.
It blew my mind.
I know she's done this before but my mind is so lost on how many times I thought I was just crazy or maybe thought I remembered wrong. And she's done this about everything. For my entire life. But I never caught her like this before.
It spiraled me and kicked up some other memories. Not good ones.
But now, every time she talks to me, I feel disgusted and angry. I can't do anything other than laugh because if I show emotion, especially the one I want, it won't end well and I'll end up being kicked out or something. But she also has an issue with me laughing with everything she says (which I would too, but I don't know how else to react). I can't believe a damn thing she says, which I thought I didn't before, but now it's so... open, is the best descriptive word I can say. I'm not exactly sure how else to describe it.
What do I do? I'm reeling. I made an appt with my therapist on Thursday but I realized today is MONDAY. I'm not sure if I can do this til Thursday.
I am not allowing myself to dive through more memories bc who knows what else I'll uncover.
Do I tell her I know? Would it help, would it make it worse? How do I stop myself from reacting to every little thing she says. I cringe and shiver even she says she loves me. It's a big physical reaction. Same when she tries the desperate thing. I can't help but laugh. I have to because otherwise I'd scream or end up sobbing. What do I do?
Has anyone been in this situation?? I need help.
I am so sorry if this does not make sense. I work overnight and haven't slept more than 2 hrs in two days. If I didn't answer something or you have questions about something, let me know and I'll answer. I need help on how to move on from this. Thank you in advance.

Hello. I am a 33F looking to switch my career. I am interested in becoming an electrician but I have zero experience in the field. I don’t know where to begin. Looked at apprentice school but it says I need to find an employer in order to enrol. ( I am from another country so things are all different here) Some said to join the union. Is there a requirement to join the union? I live in Alberta.

If you've been tearing your hair out because the Max app keeps rewinding on your Roku every time you hit play after a pause, I've got some tried and true fixes for you.
After a lot of real testing and scouring tech forums for what works, I've compiled the most practical solutions that have helped numerous Roku users, just like us!
If you’re looking for a step-by-step guide complete with demo images for each solution, just check out the hyperlink under the solution's name.

1. Utilize the Roku Voice Command - Ever thought of just telling your Roku what to do? Try using the voice command to say "Pause" or "Play" instead of the buttons. It might just do the trick without any fuss.
2. Actively Trigger & Cancel the Rewind Process - Here’s a quick hack: hit the Rewind and then the Back button. It seems to help regain control over where your show picks up.
3. Press the Instant Replay Button - This little button usually rolls back your show by just 10 seconds, not half your episode. Worth trying if you just missed a line or two.
4. Use the OK Button - To dodge the rewind glitch, avoid using the Pause button alone. Instead, bring up the progress bar and hit OK to keep watching smoothly.
5. Use the Max App on Your Smart TV - Sometimes, the problem is just with Roku. Switching to a Smart TV or a tablet might just bypass the issue altogether.
6. Reset the Network Connection on Your Roku - This might sound a bit technical, but resetting your network connection through the Roku's system settings can make a difference.
7. Update the Max App on Your Roku - Keep your apps up-to-date! Sometimes the fix is just an update away.
8. Send Max a Feedback Form - If all else fails, let the developers know. More voices mean more chances of a faster resolution.
9. Other Methods - When you're out of options, try rebooting your Roku, reinstalling the Max app, or even logging out and back into your Max account.

Remember, not all solutions may work for everyone, so it might be worth trying a few different approaches to see what sticks.
For those digging deeper into troubleshooting the Max progress bar that won't go away, the detailed guide has more in-depth info!
https://pointerclicker.com/max-app-keeps-rewinding-on-roku/
Curious to find out which solution works for you? Give these a try and let us know how it goes! Happy streaming!

Guess what people!!!!! I know I’m running late on this post but, it’s Spicy Event At The Cub week!!!! I can’t wait to try the menu that they worked out for us! I shall see y’all at 7pm and for those of you who like to show up earlier, I shall do my norm and be there early to enjoy a beverage or two. Oh and to make sure everything is ready!
“Pepper Pals Menu”
Pineapple Jalapeno Margarita $11
"Flatline" Chicken Sandwich topped with our in house Cheese Sauce. Served with Our Stealth Dipper Fries and accompanied by "357 magnum" Ketchup. $17.95”
If you’re worried about a seat/plate, call ahead and get a reservation but be sure to say that you are with the Pepper Pals! (318)-861-6517
Or use Open Table. Link at the bottom of this post.
I will probably be sitting at the bar or somewhere I can easily make my video without getting people in the background or at least as few as possible. But most likely the bar… 😁
Plus I can’t leave out this fact!! They were most recently on Americans Best Restaurants!!!
LINK to the article ical about one of the best restaurants to visit!
LINK to Open table to make a reservation online but be sure to mention you’re with the Pepper Pals!

Before i start i know i am very stupid for the choices i made. I (26f) got married to my husband (30m) when i was 21 we met from mutual friends and i fell in love with him and it was a feeling ill never forget. He was an amazing guy until he wasn’t he was always very charming and people instantly liked him when meeting him. There is more details but i am going to try to sum it up. I worked a little after marriage than covid hit and i got pregnant with my first born. He took care of me financially always and assured me i dont need to work anyways. I was with him when he was struggling i never complained as a newly wed who barley got to spend time with her husband because i understood i never asked him to take me out or anything i stood by him and now hes very successful (ill get back to why i mentioned that later) my pregnancy was very stressful in my 7th month he hit me and i had bruises on my neck and face i dont even remember what the fight was about after giving birth i struggled alot i was 22 years old i kept finding porn and videos being sent between friends which i have seen before but it started to make me feel bad about myself which i have always been confident before him i told him it bothered me and it never stopped so now im 23 and insecure and i alter my body and do a procedure thinking that will fix things (as i said i know im stupid) he strangled me 2 months after giving birth to the point that i passed out and woke up he almost killed me i never told anyone. He kept saying hes changing and well work things out so i forgave him. My family dosent believe in divorce and as much support i have from them i don’t want to disappoint them. We did good for a little bit we moved to a bigger place and than we moved again to another bigger place that i am in currently. In between all of that there was stuff that i kept seeing that hurt me and bothered me but anytime i say anything he says its me who keeps digging which is true because i grew up having a father who cheated on my mom and i saw it first hand im not going to lie it traumatized me but i did not project it on him until after he started doing the things he did. Hes a very jealous person himself he always tried to control everything he hates that im good looking he tells me all the time he should have married someone “ugly” i do NOT dress provocative at all i barley show any skin but somehow EVERYTHING always leads back to how i dress and all our problems are my fault because of how i dress he says that when we go out men always check me out and it angers him even tho i am not showing any damn skin. Anyways mothers day 2022 he hit me again but he says he didnt but the bruises on my arms say otherwise i have pictures of it and it was bad he tried to throw me down the stairs i begged him not to. Sadly i still wanted to be loved i forgave him moved on he is would buy me gifts and cards and because im so stupid i believed he was sorry anyways now its 2023 and i find out im pregnant i didnt know how i felt my first born was lonley so i thought at least they will have a sibling.. surprise its twins and i knew im going to go through it i had the worse pregnancy i almost died i developed pre eclampsia and my doctor missed it i gave birth early my whole pregnancy i was alone i was so lonley just me and my first born i cried everyday husband was working so i couldn’t complain without it turning to a fight even though its his company and he could afford to have been there a little for me it is not 7 months after i gave birth physically i feel good mentally i dont he is never there for me as a husband i been telling him i feel like he’s just a roomate at this point we have no dates barley any intimacy which had been going on for years i know hes insecure and i never used it against him but he always would to me he hates now that i bounced back quickly and like to dress up again because the end of my pregnancy i was very swollen i was wearing all his clothes. I kept crying telling him i have needs just like anyone else i want to feel loved i dont want to live like this but anytime i say anything he says i complain to much now last week he beat me over nothing it was 60 seconds into a petty argument and he attacked me i packed myself and my 3 kids he watched me packing calling me names i left to a hotel for a night nd than my moms house he got backlash from both our families i ended up having to come home for the kids im miserable hes not sorry mothers day he barley acknowledged me But we spent the day and today any time we try to talk about anything he blames me.
I know im stupid i dont know how i can start over again i have 3 kids i am in the works of going back to school so when the babys start school ill have my career because i am financially dependent on him which is my fault i worked since i was 14 but he convinced me not to anymore My oldest loves their father so much it hurts me to put my baby through this drama There is soooooo much more detail and stuff to add Hes not the worse person i guess i bring out the bad in him when all i ever wanted was to be in a healthy marriage and give my kids what i didn’t have growing up
I dont know what to do i know i have to finish school so i can get a stable job but that means i have to stay and suck it up
I never wanted to be divorced but this marriage is over i always thought cheating was the only reason for divorce i am not in love with him but its so hard to let it go i never was like this i was so out going the life of the party i dont even recognize myself i feel so sad and depressed and alone i have the most amazing friends but i cant get myself to open up

I have the typical Chinese parents: only care about good grades and job rather than social life, get mad when I don't do well, hit me with a stick when I was younger, etc. I only have like 5 friends from high school and college who I still keep in touch with.
One thing I'm annoyed at is when my AP bring up plans at the LAST MINUTE when I had plans.
For example, last year, the Saturday after thanksgiving, I was gonna have dinner with friends, but my dad mentioned Saturday morning that we were gonna have dinner with grandparents, so I had to cancel my friends
Another time was spring break a couple of months ago, we all go to different schools, so our spring breaks were different. There was one weekend that we had in common, and only 1 day that we all were free to meet up. But nope, the evening before, AP discussed driving 4 hours to my brother's college to meet him, and I had to go with them
The boiling point was a couple of days ago.
My friends' graduation was on Saturday, the day before mother's day. We were invited to watch the ceremony, then have dinner to celebrate. Just when I got out of the shower and about to get ready to leave, my dad came and said he booked a reservation, and we were gonna have mother's day dinner. I was PISSED. I wouldn't even be able to see the ceremony because their school was 2 hours away

1. They didn't have any plans on Sunday, why did it have to be Saturday and not Sunday?
2. I was thinking other family members would be there since we normally celebrate with them, so I didn't argue and just canceled on my friends, but nope, just me, my mom, and my dad

This was the greatest resentment I ever had towards my parents
Other background info:

• The reason I didn't say no to my parents is because I take my dad's threats seriously. He threatened to kick my brother out just for saying he couldn't attend Easter dinner, so he had to cancel his plans. He made the same threat to me in point 3 below
• I still live with my parents because I don't have a lot of money. I graduated last year (December 2023), but still don't have a full time job (tech job market sucks). Rent is pretty high in my area
• I work at the grocery store near my house while I'm still applying. They threatened to kick me out because they think I wasn't trying hard enough at applying when I showed them my spreadsheet and emails of the 300+ places I applied to in the past 6 months
• I also don't have a car. One of my friends lives 15 minutes away, so he always offers me a ride to these events. The grocery store is only a 10 minute walk away from my house
• My other family members live at least 2 hours driving away. My friend's place is really small, and he also lives with his parents, so wouldn't have space for me to crash
• I discussed with my friends about getting an apartment/house together, so that's why I didn't think about moving out yet and just sucked it up. Now that we all graduated, we've started taking it more seriously, but I think we might need to wait it out another few months so others will be able to afford it

Greetings!
Let me start by saying I have no idea what I need, and feel rather overwhelmed by all the potential options. We are looking to create a school-based business for next year, and I've been tasked to make it happen. At the moment, we are thinking mostly of custom engraving tumblers for staff goodies or sports teams in the district. Maybe some leather keychains/tags, etc. Perhaps metal? Obviously, as we learn more, the ability to expand our product line would be great!
This machine will be held in my classroom, which has no windows, so something that either has a fume extractor or is enclosed would be ideal. Ease of use is paramount. Needs a rotary ability, and that's about all I know...
Oh, cost...I've got about 2K maximum to spend. I've been looking at the WeCreat or the xTool F1. Thoughts? Can you help a teacher out?

I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m in extreme pain from my period cramps it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and saying the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally fucking sliced me! shaved my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! I even had to jump over three-story building once because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what’s wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying how she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said it out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny but it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she would actually crash the car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, is because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire an accountant and a really good lawyer to help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much growing up because of her I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like there’s one of my uncles who she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into my head like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it and went numb over the years and said it’s in the past so it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time an uncle came to visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they would just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this here because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally…. everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live in a toxic ass home and I lived through hell at such a young age and still getting insulted daily and treated like shit!!

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

So, this has been going on for 5 years and I'm reaching the point of explosion!!!!!
I'm (35) married to my husband (55)
He has a son (22) who has just gotten married to his wife (20). His son is a narcissist and has been that way since the day I met him. He is very talented at a number of things (motocross, golf, etc.) And he is a hard worker. By all outward appearances he's a good person and can be very kind at times.
The issue is that he is very spoiled and has always been given the best of the best. ($1,200 phones, $7,000 dirtbikes, the nicest clothes and shoes and blah blah blah)
His mother is loaded and buys him cars, clothes, coach backpacks, $400 shoes for no reason, spends $2,000+ on his birthdays and Christmases and just bows down to his every want and need
I was raised with the power getting shut off every 3 months bc my single mother struggled to keep the lights on. I shopped (and still shop) at thrift stores and I've NEVER cared about having flashy expensive THINGS. There is more to life than stuff.
Anyway... his son will always say things like "where did you get that shirt? Wish?" He will pick on me about my hobbies. Pretty much saying the things I enjoy doing are lame.
If I started talking about politics or any kind of REAL issues going on in the world he would dismiss what I'm saying and say that I'm a conspiracy theorist (meanwhile, his world revolves around tic-tok and video games)
After he got married things have gotten much worse. Keep in mind, his wife is 20 and I'm 35.
He will compare how she looks to how I look. We went on a boat trip and she wore a bathing suit while I wore shorts and a tank top. I'm not fat by any means, but I would LOVE to lose around 15lbs and have the flat little tummy I once did.
His wife is 4 inches taller than me and has huge boobs and a completely different body style. I never once compared myself to her or envied her in any way, but he will say things to me like "how much do weigh?" And then ask her how much she weighs...and then say "how do you guys look so different when your only 5-10lbs difference" he makes me so self conscious and insecure comparing me to someone who is 15 years younger than me FOR NO REASON EXCEPT TO HURT ME.
She says things to me too.
We were playing pickle ball today. First time I ever played and I was doing so-so
My team was behind and she hollered out to my team mate "do you want me to come out there and take her place" (talking about me)
If I try to have a discussion with her about anything she will find some way to argue with Mr and tell me I'm wrong and it's impossible to have any kind of real diologue with her UNLESS IT IS ABOUT HER AND HER INTERESTS
It gets worse
Me and my husband have a 4 year old daughter who was born with a cleft pallette in the roof of her mouth and she's had surgeries and is taking speech therapy and is doing great
Well, my stepson and his wife just had a baby (5 months)
My stepson (in front of like 6 people/family members) said to me "our son is perfect, what's the matter, why can't you have a perfect baby too"? THAT IS HIS FUKKIN SISTER!!!!!
I race motocross with them every weekend. It's my husband's son/family and we see them often
LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE TIME WE SEE THEM ONE (OR BOTH) SAY SOMETHING CRUEL TO ME.
I'm a very encouraging person. My stepsons wife gained a lot of weight after her pregnancy and when she started losing the weight I'd tell her "you look so pretty today" or "you look great"
I have TRIED to lead by example and treat them how I want to me treated.
They NEVER tell me "good job" or say anything nice/positive to me. They feed off of hurting and picking on other people to make themselves feel better. They talk shut constantly and I'm nothing like that and don't want to be.
I smile and pretend things dont hurt me so that I don't rock the boat. I don't stand up for myself and don't even know how to.
Normally when I'm around toxic people like this I avoid them and cut them out of my life, but I'm at a loss for ideas and don't know how to move forward.
Any advice or encouragement would be most welcome. I've talked to my husband but he doesn't know how to handle it and doesn't want to talk to his son because his son picks on him too and my husband doesn't seem to care. I don't think he understands why I am so hurt/upset by it in the first place.
Mt husband always says "he was just joking" or "he didn't mean it"....THE GASLIGHTING IS UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!
Thanks for letting me vent. God bless you all.

i started working at warehouses when i was 19 and i made the stupid mistake of spending every penny. i was living with my grandma and didn't expect her passing and then having to live with her widowed husband who turns to be a huge scumbag, i am stuck... i had a 05 sunfire now i took out a loan of 2k to buy a better awd. i am 23 now i work two retail jobs that i scrap pennies from and i look at my old work and i really blew it. i just started my hysa like fidelity... i want to put some into sofi too but i am not sure what good that would do... i wasnt told much about these things.... i wasnt allowed to work until i moved out and my familys ignorance grew on me but i have no one to blame but myself. my goal is too fix the sunfire and pay off the loan. i want to do side gigs online maybe but i dont think i could return to a warehouse my body is in a lot of pain it is difficult. maybe im making excuses but life sucks right now. im stuck in a room with a kitten i rescued and so far only $300 altogether in my roth ira and savings... idk about investment.... any advice or words of encouragement would be nice. thanks, i just needed to vent i have no one to talk too.
edit: i wanted to apply for college i want to shoot for the stars and be a veterinarian but i cannot even go to school bc they need my parents information and i cannot provide any so i have to wait till next year when i am 24 to attend.... absolutely discouraging

I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m in extreme pain from my period cramps it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and saying the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally fucking sliced me! shaved my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! I even had to jump over three-story building once because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what’s wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying how she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said it out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny but it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she would actually crash the car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, is because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire an accountant and a really good lawyer to help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much growing up because of her I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like there’s one of my uncles who she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into my head like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it and went numb over the years and said it’s in the past so it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time an uncle came to visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they would just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this here because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally…. everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live in a toxic ass home and I lived through hell at such a young age and still getting insulted daily and treated like shit!!

So I have grown up around firearms my entire life and have seen pictures of me shooting a 22 that I was young enough to not even remember.. got my first shotgun at the age of 6 for Christmas. So I’m definitely no stranger to shooting and the mechanics of it. That being said it’s always been more hunting and old school marksmanship based so I have an extremely solid foundation when it comes to shooting even though it’s always been with what would be considered “poor man’s” optics and rifle setups. (Doesn’t stop us from hand loading and shooting .5 MOA or less with some of our setups) anyway…. I’m wanting to get into the world of tactical kit and preparedness and am trying to find the balance between quality and budget. I don’t think it’s totally out of the realm of possibility in today’s world that I could potentially need said kit in the next 10 years. Because of that I’m trying to find the balance of quality enough equipment to use and is reliable but not so expensive that it takes me 10 years to accumulate a full setup. I currently have a palmetto AR (one of their mid range builds, bought it just to have an AR as I’m much more comfortable with bolt guns and longer ranges given my background) that is just the base rifle with a sling, 3 extra mags, and irons. and a sidearm with a small array of holsters for it. I guess the best example I can think of for my situation is is it better to say get a $6-800 vortex or primary arms LPVO so that I could get things like a plate carrier, battle belt, etc sooner. Or save up and get quality gear like a better AR with a NF LPVO and go that route which would push things like plates and such out a few years. I’m pretty sure the first option makes much more sense but I would like to hear somebody play devils advocate on this matter.. I never cared much about Gucci brands so I don’t really care about the coolness factor. I’m more functionality and not paying for bells and whistles I don’t need or would even use and let my shooting do the talking whenever I’m in an environment of dick measuring and competition. I live for the looks on “tacticool”people’s faces when I shoot their guns better than them or sit down next to the guy with the $4k AR setup and start nailing the 24” gong and 3 or 400 yards with my iron sighted palmetto 😂🤷🏻‍♂️ I’m excited to join the community and I hope to get some insightful feedback! Thanks

Hey guys, semi-lurker here. I’ve been in CHS for almost 5 years and single for almost 75% of it. My biggest question is how is anyone meeting/dating in this place?!
Background 34M, I’ve been sober for over a year so needless to say the bar scene is not for me, I’ve tried clubs, my gym, meetup, dating apps etc and I’m really struggling to fit in here but due to my career I can’t relocate yet, so I’m trying to make the best of this, but I’m slowly beginning to go insane from the loneliness. Anything?
PS I can’t afford a boat.

Is there anything in canon that house elves have ever been shown not to be able to do, other than destroy a horcux?
We know they are not allowed to use wands, but that's a matter of permission, not power.
What if there is practically no limit to what a house elf can do? Elves have physical bodies that can become exhausted, their magic is only bounded by the request that is made of them.
What if the real limit for house elves is that they lack the ability to do anything with magic of their own volition.
Dobby was able to help Harry by interpreting his family's desire to obstruct or harm Harry. He took that as an implied directive to him, and so was able to use his magic to fulfill that directive. He impeded Harry from receiving his mail--fully in line with what he heard his family speaking about. He stopped Harry from going to Hogwarts by barring him from going through to the platform. He disrupted Harry's Quidditch match, "helping" Draco.
Without instructions from a magical being other than an elf, elves cannot use their magic beyond themselves. They can appear and disappear where they wish, make themselves visible or invisible, but cannot affect the world around them with magic at all unless instructed directly or through an implied order.
Kreacher was unable to destroy the locket horcux not because he lacked the power, but because he lacked the knowledge. Everything he attempted to destroy it was reparable by magic. But if he had been told to destroy it so that not even magic could repair it, he could have succeeded.
Given an explicit instruction, however, and elves can accomplish anything.
"Good luck, Mr Harry Potter, sir, in defeating your challenge."
"Dobby!" Harry spun around to see the little house elf in the Champions tent. "It's good to see you! How have you been?"
"Dobby had known Harry Potter was a great wizard, but he had not imagined he would be asked how he was!"
"So, the same as usual," Harry said with a grin. Harry gathered the tiny being into a hug, but the smile faded from his face quickly. "Guess I'm no different than normal, either. In mortal peril, as usual."
Dobby nodded. "Dobby wishes he could prevent Harry Potter from going out into danger."
"No, no, last time you tried to help me you almost killed me with a bludger. Too bad you can't stop the dragon from attacking me."
Dobby paused in place. "Does Harry Potter want Dobby to stop the dragon from attacking him?"
Harry chuckled. "Yes, I very much want you to stop the dragon from attacking me."
A few minutes later
Announcer: "What's this? It appears as if Harry Potter has put the dragon in a full-body bind! I have never seen anything like it! The dragon is held in place, unable to move as Harry casually walks over and picks up the egg!"
A few years later
"Dobby...could you help me destroy this horcrux?"
The elf shakes his head. "Sadly, Dobby does not know how to destroy the horcruxy."
"Can you, you know, destroy it in a way that even magic cannot repair it?"
Dobby looks up, snaps is fingers, and a silver fire consumes the horcrux.
A few months later
"Say, Dobby, could you kill Voldemort for me?"
Dobby gives Harry a great big smile. "Dobby was beginning to think Harry Potter would never ask!"

 I know how the title sounds, and it’s not good but me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and a half and it’s been great. My girlfriend is paralyzed on her left side and is considered special needs for this, although she is very smart and does not need help in school. When she takes tests she is moved to an empty room away from any possible distractions. Since she has been considered special needs there is one guy who she has frequently been around. He has a very apparent crush on my girlfriend and the way it’s apparent is a bit creepy. Whenever she is around him he will sit directly in front of or next to her and touch her. Not in very inappropriate way but he will pull her shirt off of her shoulder slightly and say something along the lines of “oh no” or “what’s gonna happen” and this feels wrong to me. She has stated that this makes her feel uncomfortable and weird and i agree completely however she does not want to be mean by telling him to leave her alone; but this has escalated to the point to where if he sees me with her he will get angry and if he sees my arm around her or me hugging her he will force me to stop and gets very upset. I know he is special needs and i feel wrong for even feeling this way but i can’t help but think this is wrong. Does it make me an asshole to want her to just tell him to leave her alone? 

my ex from high school (27 male) texted me (28 female) that he wished that my 2 year old was his kid! i haven’t seen him in 8 years. He is in rehab!?!? why would he say that? it was absurd. i blocked him. although im separated i think its a gross comment. the advice im asking is, what did he mean by that? was he attempting to love bomb me? what an odd thing to say.

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…