Title: I am 31 years old, make $92,600 base, live in Northern Alberta, work in Forestry, and recently returned to work after a year off for maternity leave.

• All $ in CAD. $1 CAD to $0.73 US.
• I will call my spouse H.
• We aren’t looking to change spending habits too much, this was more a fun exercise to see what we spend and how we’re doing financially now that I am back to work.

HHI: $166,000
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: Total $76,431 (joint)

• My retirement accounts include a DCPP of $62,495, an RRSP of $8125, and a TFSA of $130
• H’s only has a spousal RRSP of $5631
• DCPP amount is from a 5% base contribution plus 2% matching from my employer, and 3% from me. I have had this account since 25 (when I started at the company) and have done the matching the entire time except during my maternity leave. They continued the 5% base while I was off on maternity leave, I had the option to get the matching as well but we couldn’t swing the cost while I was only on EI.
• RRSPs are mostly from excess benefits money. I have flex benefits and get an annual amount to “spend”. Before we had our kid there was about $500/month split going into our RRSPs. Now we do $42.30/month split ($21.15 for each). The spousal RRSP means I can claim this on my taxes, instead of him claiming on his.
• TFSAs will be our next focus once we’ve caught up on the annual bills from May to July - annual house insurance and two vehicle insurances. We haven’t been consistent with depositing into our TFSA’s, so we have $80K+ room in each.

Equity: The house is worth $400,000. We owe $303,000. Equity is $97,000.
Savings account balance: $450 in emergency savings (this is a priority starting in August to beef up), $2000 in property taxes sinking fund (to be spent by July)
Checking account balance: $5288.15 - we both got paid today so I will be moving money around and this number will be down a lot by the end of the day.
Credit card debt: $16,635

• $12,855 LOC. This is entirely from vehicles - before I went on maternity leave H sold his truck and we took a $9500 loss - pulled the money out of the LOC to pay off the lien. In April, we needed a different vehicle so we took $6500 out of the LOC to purchase a new-to-us car. We have yet to sell the vehicle we replaced, but when we do that money will either go onto LOC or into emergency savings. We’re aiming to get $3000 for the sale.
• $530 My CC. This is from not budgeting for two road trips I took in the last two weeks, plus some other overspending on random things.
• $3250 H CC. This is from overspending on groceries/gas and vehicle expenses.

Student loan debt: $0

• H went to trade school (8 weeks/year for 4 years) to become a journeyman mechanic
• I took a 2-year diploma program that cost $12,000 (including books and random spending). My parents saved up $20K for me to go to college/university, so I got about $8,000 in cash from my mum once I graduated as I didn’t use all of the savings for school.
• I lived with my mum while in college and H lived with roommates so his income went to rent/groceries/bills and I had basically no living expenses as my mum covered everything.
• When he went to trade school I was working, so I covered our bills while he was off (and he got EI and some grants during that time frame).

Other Info:

• H and I have had combined finances since we were 19 when we married. This has greatly changed our financial situation.
• I have access to an employee stock purchase plan - I have about $1400 in my company stocks with no plan for them at the moment.
• I got a salary top-up when I went on maternity leave. My employer covered my 1 week EI waiting period and topped up to 100% salary for 11 weeks. The rest of the time I was off I was getting $1158 biweekly from EI.
• We qualify for the Climate Action Incentive from the federal government. This is about $1200/year.
• We get CCB for our kid of $140.61/month. This will increase to $273.74/month come July as our annual income was less in 2023 compared to 2022.

Net Worth: $164,484
Section Two: Income
Income Progression (Post College/Trade School):

• H has been in his field for roughly 8 years and his starting salary was about $37,000 ($19/hr). Two years ago, he took a $20/hour pay cut moving from a journeyman mechanic ($45/hr) to a service advisor ($25/hr). He’s since gotten a $10/hr pay increase from switching employers and switching roles/getting a raise. H now makes $72,800 not including any overtime, which he does get fairly regularly.
• I've been working in my field for 8 years, and my starting salary was about $41,000. I have not changed careers, but I have changed employers. I got two raises when at my first job post-college from $20/hr (41,000) to $23/hr ($47,800) to $30/hr ($62,400). When I started at my current employer in 2018 I was offered $78,000 annually, plus moving benefits (approx $2000). I’ve consistently gotten a 2-5% raise every year (except this year - but I did get a raise 2 weeks before going on leave) or have gotten promoted and am now making $92,600 before bonuses. I get two bonuses a year, one is based on company performance and has been $0 to $10,000. My other bonus is performance-based and has been anywhere from $1200 to $4000. I got both bonuses while on maternity leave, the company performance one was cut in half based on hours worked. I also had to pay back EI because of my bonus income.

Main Job Monthly Take-Home:
Mine: $4768.90 (two paycheck months)

• My monthly deductions include ESPP $213.60, DCPP matching $213.60, social club $5, flex benefits $26, plus taxes $701.27, CPP $203.97 and EI $59.14. In September I usually have an increase in my monthly take home as my CPP/EI is maxed out, but this might not happen this year as my RTW date was the end of April.

H: $3687.28

• H gets an advance on the 15th of $1000 and at the end of the month gets the rest of his pay. His end-of-the-month pay has ranged from $2600 to $3900 already this year because of illness, time off and short months.
• H’s deductions include taxes $623.25, EI $78.23, CPP $263.07, and $61.10 of HCP, but we’re not 100% sure what the HCP is cause he declined his benefits. This reminds me he should talk to payroll and see what’s up with that. He hits his 1st anniversary in August so we’ll see if he ends up maxing out CPP/EI in September or so.

Side Gig Monthly Take-Home:

• I craft and go to some markets and things, but don’t make much after counting all my costs. If I didn’t sell things I made, I’d have no room for craft storage!
• I am working on a custom quilt that when finished will bring in $275.

Any Other Monthly Income Here:

• As said above, we qualify for the CAI and CCB. CCB is $140/month currently and CAI is $400 quarterly.
• I get $500/year from my benefits to spend wherever and however I want. So far this year I’ve spent it on clothes and hiking boots. I have $190 left.

Section Three: Expenses

• Mortgage: $950 bi-weekly - $1900/month on 2 pay period months.
• Property Taxes: Sinking fund of $185/biweekly (we pay this annually in June. It is $2250 this year, last year was $1950).
• Home Insurance: $1640 annually. We pay this in full in July. I expect it to increase this year, but I’m unsure how much.
• Retirement Contribution: In addition to pre-tax contributions above, starting in August, biweekly contributions will be $377 to H’s TFSA and $226 to mine. H’s is more as I have my DCPP and when H’s total is closer to even or maxed out, I’ll max out mine.
• Savings Contribution: $200/biweekly starting in July, we also will have a home maintenance fund and will save $425/month.
• Debt Payments: LOC minimum is $130/month. We pay anywhere from $200 to $2000/month. This will increase come August, and the LOC will be paid off in May 2025. Both CCs should be paid off by September.
• Donations: $20/month to the animal shelter, and $20/month to SOS, I also volunteer at least 5-15 hours a month to a local sports group and to the foundation my MIL set up after my BIL passed. I sit on the board for both non-profits. We also randomly donate money to other things, or go in on 50/50 raffles different nonprofits have.
• Utilities: In the winter $600/month, the summer around $300/month. Gas and electricity combined. I live somewhere where it hits -40C and +40C depending on the time of the year.
• Garbage Rental: $40/month, $120/month when we get it dumped - approximately every 4 months. We live on an acreage and instead of carting garbage bags to work every week or going to the dump, we rent a dumpster for the driveway and call to have it dumped when it's full.
• Septic System Inspection/Cleaning: $400/year
• Internet: $105/month for unlimited fibre optic.
• Cellphone: $70/month for H. I have a work phone at no charge.
• Subscriptions: Amazon Prime $99/year, Spotify $11.54/month, Patreon $10.50/month (Money Feels <3), PlayStation Plus $32/quarter, Kindle Unlimited $10/month, Crunchyroll $9.99/month ($60.95/month total)
• Pet expenses: Roughly $100/month for food and litter for our two cats. Plus $400/year for an annual checkup. This will go up some as they age and probably have to have dental cleanings done.
• Car Insurance/Registration: No payments we own both vehicles outright. Insurance is $1500/year for both vehicles, we pay this in May/July. H spends around $300/month on gas as we live 30 min out of town. I have a work truck so I have no commuting costs. Annually we spend $160 on registration. AMA is 262.50 annually in July.
• Paid Hobbies: Don’t have fixed costs for these right now as we cut them out while I was on maternity leave. In January though, we’ll each get $100-200/month for hobbies.
• Daycare: $900/month ($450 the 1st and 15th). This is slightly more expensive than some others we found and does not qualify for subsidy or grants, but L loves her day home and the caretaker is great.
• Life/Disability Insurance: $125/month for both of us. This is $500K each for life and $100K each for critical illness.
• Food: Roughly $800/month in groceries and I’m not sure about eating out. Since going back to work a month ago life has been hectic so we’re spending more than usual on eating out/convenient foods. H has ADHD and forgets his lunch at home or in the car every day which is a waste, so he buys lunch either at the nearby grocery store or restaurants. I sometimes pack leftovers and sometimes go get food. I’ve been trying to get freezer meals and leave them at the office so I don’t have to pack things back and forth and we haven’t been making meals with leftovers.
• L’s Baby Supplies: $75/month? We have to buy diapers and wipes monthly pretty much.
• House Cleaners: This is an expense we had before H took his pay cut, and we’ve been slowly putting it back in the budget on and off. Roughly $200/clean which happens sporadically as the house is a mess and there is no time for two working parents to clean with an 11-month-old butt scooting everywhere. She always manages to find floor snacks
• Family: We send my sister-in-law money on a fairly regular basis, anywhere from $20-$100. She always pays us back, but we treat this as a write-off in case she doesn’t.

—
Day 1 - Friday
2 am - L wakes up and I get her back down 3 times before 3 am. At 3, H takes her out of the room to burn some energy before they both come back to bed roughly an hour later. Thanks, L. Thank you, H I was getting pretty frustrated with our darling child.
6:30 am - The first alarm goes off and I grab L for a cuddle and morning nursing session. Once she’s done, she rolls around and tries to climb both of us to get our phones before we all get out of bed at 7. Today is a PJ movie day at daycare so we don’t bother dressing her only changing the diaper and then H and L are out the door by 7:15. I leave for work at about 7:45 after doing some putting around.
8:15 am - I get to work and my first stop is the coffee machine. I get back to my office after talking to a few coworkers about our social club golf event next weekend. I see that an industry-specific mentor cohort program is open for applications so I find my most recent resume (2021!) and do a major update before applying. This year one of my goals is to work on leadership skills and mentoring so why not apply?
9 am - I had a hard time finding a bra this morning so I go online and purchase two new ones from the local bra-tique for pickup. My total is $170 after my 10% discount for signing up for their email list. This money is coming from my $500 annual work benefit for whatever I want and I now have $20 left. I eat my breakfast at my desk - yoghurt and homemade granola today.
11 am - I have a webinar on caribou to attend so I log into Zoom and while it's loading, pull up our cashflow forecaster to get the payday finances done before the weekend. $1750 to H’s cc to cover some overspending/vehicle expenses, $100 to the LOC, $373.10 for utilities, and $450 for daycare. Total is $2673.10 I’m not sure if I should include the bills in the daily writeups, but ah well. Day 1 spending is off to a great start.
1 pm - I get the notification that my bras are ready for pickup. Woohoo! I get new bras for the weekend! I send $50 to H’s TFSA once I confirm the bank account is connected.
2:30 pm - Eating lunch now as breakfast was so late. Freezer butter chicken with broccoli. I only have 1 more freezer meal at work so I make a note to restock.
3:30 pm - I work on some cycle times for the log haul for this coming logging season. It takes me a few minutes to remember exactly what I’m doing and how to do it. I am super glad I came back to work at the end of April as I get 3-ish months of slow time to get back into the swing of things before work starts to pick up.
4 pm - I am struggling to do any more than format my Excel sheets so I figure it’s time to pack it up and head home.
4:30 pm - After picking up my bras, I go to Once Upon A Child for some cheap baby clothes. L is in between sizes and we somehow managed to misplace all her more summery sleepwear so I’ve been grabbing a few here and there. OUAC has a sale on, 5 sleepers for $15 so I grab 5 of those and 4 other onesies for summer. We have a family photoshoot on Canada Day and I’ve been hunting for something that’ll match L’s ribbon skirt. $30.45
5 pm - I stop at the store to check the mail and grab a 12-pack of mixed tequila smashes. $37.55
5:30 pm - H calls. He’s off work and headed to get L. I pull burgers and fries out of the freezer, start up the BBQ and get the air fryer going.
6:05 pm - H and L arrive home in perfect time as the burgers and fries just finished cooking. I have an open Pineapple Tequila Smash and I hand H one to drink with supper too. L also has a veggie pouch with the burgers and fries.
7:20 pm - L is in bed nursing to sleep after her bath while H preps episode 4 of Obi-Wan Kenobi for us to watch. We watched it when it was first coming out, but he saw the discs at Walmart last week and figured to grab them. We thought we hadn’t seen all the episodes, but so far we’re 3:3 so we might’ve seen them all.
7:40 pm - L is down and out and I sneak out of the bedroom. I start a load of laundry and find the two bras I couldn’t this morning and handwash them. I sit down with H and we watch some Obi-Wan Kenobi.
10 pm - I check my email and see one from a local photographer group I really like. I’ve done at least two shoots with all 3 of them separately before and they’ve now joined forces. I went to their open house yesterday and won 50% off a boudoir package in 2024. I’ve wanted to book in since they announced their group, so I go through their open spots and book for November. My initial deposit is $262.50.
10:30 pm - We finished the last 3 episodes and watched all previously except for the finale. Of course. It was pretty good, but near the end, I started to scroll on my phone more than pay attention to the show. I swap the laundry, shower and head to bed at 11 pm.
H’s spending Day 1: $7.54 for lunch, $267.58 on vehicle parts/oil change that we didn’t budget for. Normally we would’ve, but communication is kinda crappy atm, and I think that’s due to sleep deprivation.
Day 1 total: $775.62 spending + $50 to TFSA. Oof off to a spendy start for the pay period.
—
Day 2 - Saturday
2:40 am - L is awake again and not going back down. This time it’s my turn. It’s already been a not-great night, hopefully, this 2 am party time doesn't keep happening.
4 am - We go back to bed. Our internet is on autopay and the notification comes through for my credit card. $105
7:20 am - L is up for the day. I don’t want to get out of bed yet, so I cuddle H and L rolls around, tries to stand and almost deletes everything on my phone. Then she notices my boobs so it’s time for a quick nurse.
8 am - I run the coffee machine and get breakfast going. We’re having pancakes this morning. While they’re cooking I pop some milk in the frother to make a fancy coffee. TBD if I drink it while it’s still hot. I feed the cats their morning meal.
8:30 am - H gets up and I’m still cooking. He grabs a coffee and takes L into the living room so I don’t trip over her and the plastic container horde.
9:30 am - H plays some Baldurs Gate 3 and L watches while I sort through the laundry I did last night. I try to get dressed and none of my shorts fit anymore so off in the donation bag they go. It’ll be a summer of dresses I guess! I start another load of laundry.
9:50 am - L is ready for a nap. Just kidding she just wanted some boob instead. We go outside afterwards to get some morning sun. Hopefully, this will tire her out and she will go down for a nap later! She hasn’t been big on sleep since she was born and gets major FOMO so we have no semblance of a schedule on weekends.
10:45 am - I bring L back inside and change her into outfit #3 for the day. Her trike got rained on and she gets soaked when she sits in it. I switch the laundry over, start yet another load and then pass L to H so I can head to the store, fill the Jerry can with gas for the lawnmower and do the recycling. 20 L of gas is $32.78 and I grab two lime slushes for H and I ($5.19). It’s +20 already and gorgeous. Total $37.97
11:30 am - L is ready for a nap! By 11:50 she’s down and I head outside to mow some of the lawn. It’s usually a 4 hr job so I don’t think I’ll get it all done today.
1 pm - I head inside for lunch, we’re having tuna sandwiches. L napped for 20 min and I didn’t get more than half the lawn mowed. After lunch, we head into town to hang out with my friend K and her two kids. We met in college back in 2014 and have babies of a similar age so it’s always nice to go over and visit.
4:30 pm - We leave K’s house and I swing by Wendy’s for a cold coffee-type drink for the drive home. I try the chocolate frosty-cinno and it’s terrible. Should’ve just gone to Tim’s for an ice cap. $4.19
5:05 pm - L fell asleep on the drive home so I hang out in the car with the windows down for another 5-10 minutes before moving things inside. She wakes up and we head in. H picks a meal and starts making dinner. L is fussy and still tired so I nurse her and we hang out in the cool basement while H cooks. I sort through the laundry that finished off today.
6 pm - H is still cooking our dinner, I reheat leftover pasta for L. H runs her bath and I bath her. She’s still grumpy on and off so she’ll probably be going to bed right after this.
6:45 pm - H and I eat chicken wings and shrimp poppers. L has decided it’s not bedtime yet, I tried to put her down and she got a second wind instead.
9:30 pm - I work on the website for one of the non-profits I volunteer for once L goes to bed at 8. After I’m done, I head into the craft room and work on the custom rag quilt project. One row left to sew together, then to put the final 5 rows together, figure out my borders and start cutting all the edges! It’s not ‘due’ until mid-July but I’d rather get it done sooner and not have to rush. My SIL texts and asks to borrow $50 till Thursday, I send it over out of my spending.
11 pm - H and I both go to bed after some kitty snuggles
Day 2 total: $92.16 (not counting $105 for internet)
—
Day 3 - Sunday
7 am - L is awake and I nurse her a couple of times cause she can’t decide if she’s happy or not. It was a decent night, but she must still be tired from not napping much yesterday. It’s my day to sleep in so H takes her out of the room by 7:30.
9:30 am - I get up make some coffee and slowly start on breakfast
10:30 am - L and I are eating breakfast, I made scrambled eggs, fried up leftover sausage, tomato and she also has two crackers with cream cheese. H and I wrote up a grocery list before I sat down and he’s off to town to get groceries and fuel up the car before the work week starts. Usually, H and his best friend C have a grocery shopping bro-date every Sunday, but C and his family are out camping this weekend so H heads in alone.
11 am - L is ready for a nap. I put her down and fold her laundry and the house laundry, taking a few breaks to scroll Reddit or Facebook and drink more coffee.
12:30 pm - L woke up and is kinda grouchy so we have a dance party to elicit baby giggles. H gets back from shopping and we put the groceries away, they cost $374.03. This is actually cheaper than the last few times we did a stock up so that’s nice! Groceries include ground beef, frozen chicken, wings, fries, cucumber, tomatoes, grapes, bananas, yoghurt, frozen lunches, macaroni, Ichiban, burgers, buttermilk, perogies, frozen fruit, frozen veggies, gravy mix, hollandaise mix, and more. We’ve been buying more convenience foods lately, but I do have 3 suppers planned for the week. He also grabbed me a big coffee mug for $6. He got gas for $60.83, and once we unload the groceries, he runs to the store for bacon, 2 jars of our favourite cowboy candy (pickled sweetened jalapeños), chips and a Starbucks frappe drink for $41.93. I make some sandwiches for lunch for tomorrow so I don’t have to scramble in the morning.
1 pm - Lunch is Ichiban noodles for H and I and baby charcuterie for L - strawberries, grapes, ham, cheese, and cucumber. We head outside afterwards to enjoy the weather, L is so close to walking, she pulls herself up onto everything right now. She has an after-lunch snack of mown grass and dandelions.
3 pm - We’re back inside and H puts on Die Hart 2. L goes down for her second nap at 4:15 and we finish the movie. I wake L up at 5:45 so she doesn’t sleep too long. When she wakes up she makes a face identical to her dad’s and it’s hilarious.
7 pm - H is cooking dinner, we’re having eggs Benny and bacon for supper. I prep L’s diaper bag for tomorrow and we run it out to the car. I also put all my laundry away so the closet is ready for the week. H sits on the chair once we’re done dinner and both cats flock to him and spread themselves over his legs.
9:45 pm - I finish off piecing the quilt top and head downstairs to shower. L is getting tired too so as soon as I’m done we head to bed. H is not far behind us.
Daily 3 total: $482.79. This is pretty usual for a grocery shop day.
—
Day 4 - Monday
6:35 am - My alarm goes off. Can’t lay in bed today as I need to meet my coworkers at the office at 7:30 am. We’re doing a team bonding mountain hike and it’s a 2.5 hrs drive away. I grab a banana, toast a bagel, add cream cheese and I’m out the door before 7 after filling up the cats' food.
7:30 am - I get to the office, fill up a water bottle, make a coffee and grab a few things from my office. Almost everyone is there, and we leave at 7:45
9:45 am - We’re there! I’ve seen 2 moose, 1 mule deer, 1 elk and almost hit 2 caribou on the highway already today! We start up the trailhead at about 10 am
1:00 pm - This mountain is much steeper than anticipated. A coworker and I decide at about 300 metres to the top that we shouldn’t push it. The last km has been extremely steep and we’ve hit our max. The rest of the group has gone ahead and summitted. We eat our lunch with a great view and start the trek back down.
3:30 pm - We’re back at the trucks! 11.2 km round trip. We hit the road to head home and stop at Dairy Queen for a celebratory ice cream. I spend $4.92 on a medium dip cone.
6 pm - Back at the office. I call H and let him know I’m headed home now and he suggests chicken wings for supper. I’m down for anything as long as I don’t have to cook.
7 pm - We all eat dinner. L has some veggie pouch, chicken wings/nuggets and leftover pasta. I am almost too tired to eat. One cat keeps trying to get L’s nuggets so he gets in trouble and shooed out of the dining room.
8:15 pm - I try to put L to bed and she goes down for a bit but decides ultimately that it’s not actually time for bed.
8:40 pm - I go and have a hot, hot shower, my muscles are sore and tomorrow might not be fun. L and H party in the TV area, she’s pulling herself up onto everything and trying to crawl up the couch. Not sure where she got this energy from! One of our cats comes for some aggressive cuddles and pets and H puts his dirty t-shirt on the chair for him. Our cat loves dirty laundry it’s hilarious.
9:20 pm - Time for bed for everyone. Hope tonight is a good night and we all can get some rest.
Day 4 Total: $4.92 (this would have been covered by one of the superintendents but a few people got ahead of her in line so she couldn’t pay for us all). My card is also charged by the garbage disposal company for the dumpster ($40.43 - counted in the bills above).
H didn’t spend any money today.
—
Day 5 - Tuesday
7 am - The first alarm went off at 6:30, but we are all tired and don’t want to wake up. I nurse L for a bit then we get up at 7. I’m pretty sore this morning so I’m not moving too fast. Get her dressed and H and L leave by 7:10. H fed the cats this morning so I don’t have to.
7:30 am - I forgot to pay H’s other cc and it’s due in 4 days so I pay it off now - $93.80 (random Amazon purchases and my KU). I pull some chicken out of the freezer to defrost and make my breakfast of homemade granola, hemp hearts and yoghurt. I leave the house around 7:45 to head to work.
8:20 am - I get to the office and immediately get asked some questions about blocks we have slated for this Fall/Winter. I’m not 100% sure of the answer and have to double-check with my boss. I grab a coffee and chat with the head boss before my boss arrives. I clarify what I need and relay the info back to my coworkers.
9:30 am - I eat my breakfast while I scroll through online courses offered by my company. I got an email yesterday of one I’m supposed to take so I book into that.
11 am - I book H and myself massages, 2 each - one this month and one next month.
12:30 pm - I took a long time to eat breakfast so I’m not quite hungry yet. I grab my running shoes from the truck and take a slow walk on the elliptical to help my sore muscles. This morning hasn’t been too busy, but I’m having a hard time starting my next big task (cycle time calculations) so hopefully the slow walk helps some.
1:30 pm - I’m back at my desk and diving into cycle time calculations. H grabs KFC for lunch $24.12
2 pm - Lunch time, I’m having a leftover sandwich from yesterday, a grapefruit cup, grapes and strawberries. I also grab a chai with milk from the coffee machine. I eat while I plug away at the cycle times.
3:45 pm - I finish off one section of cycle times and my brain has had enough. I go fill my water bottle and chat with a few coworkers. At 4:15 pm someone comes by to sign a few cheques I asked for and I leave the office at 4:30 pm
4:40 pm - H grabbed buttermilk instead of heavy cream and I need it for supper tonight so I swing by the grocery store. Then, I head out of town to a colleague’s house to drop off one of the cheques. $4.95
5:15 pm - I check the mail, get home and start cooking. We’re having Skillet Dijon Chicken with Asparagus and Mushrooms for supper. I also make some macaroni for a side. H and L get home about 5:45 to the cats waiting at the door.
6:20 pm - Supper is served! It is delicious. L and H aren’t fans of the asparagus, but the chicken, macaroni and sauce are perfection! H also riggs up a tie to L’s water bottle so it doesn’t hit the ground every 30 seconds. We fed the cats at the same time and they’re not begging for food quite so much tonight.
6:50 pm - We’re finished supper, H cleans up and I bath L.
7:30 pm - H calls my/our best friend J via FaceTime and we chat with her and her daughter R for a few minutes. L tried to steal the phone and gets mad when we don’t let her. J’s daughter requests a morning call so I promise to call at 7 am. J doesn’t think R will be awake yet so we’ll see!
8 pm - L is tired and ready to go to sleep. I put her down, have a hot bath, throw in some epsom salts, and read a bit on my KU.
9:40 pm - Bedtime!
Day 5 Total: $112.17 (removed $10 for my KU - counted in subscriptions)
—
Day 6 - Wednesday
7 am - I nurse L, she had a weird wake-up last night so we’re tossing the idea of taking her into daycare today. I’ll probably take her in a bit later and H will take his truck so if I have to WFH for the afternoon I can. Try calling J and R and there is no response - I am not surprised.
7:45 am - L and I leave the house, she’s not coughing much and doesn’t have a fever or anything so she’s good to go to daycare today
8:15 am - I drop L off at daycare
8:30 am - I get to the office. I talk with a few coworkers and ask our admin if my new phone has been dropped off yet.
9 am - My new phone is here! Now to start the setup process, everything takes forever with all the authentication apps we need. I also go through all my iCloud photos and organize/save them to my OneDrive while the phone is getting set up.
12:30 pm - I think the phone is finally done. Now to eat some lunch, I’m having leftovers from 2 nights ago - chicken nuggets, strawberries, grapes and a Cherry Bubly.
1:30 pm - H goes to a food truck for lunch. $35.01. This includes the tip.
3 pm - I had some more phone set-up to do. Might be finished now? Get an email about the cats’ annual checkups and vaccinations so I book their appointments for August.
4 pm - SIL paid me back the $50, plus another $50 she’d borrowed earlier. (+$100) I work on the photo garland for L’s first birthday for a bit.
5 pm - I haven’t gotten much done today beyond setting up my phone. I leave the office and pick up L at 5:20. I talk to her day home provider for about 15 min about how she’s been doing, etc.
6 pm - We get home! H has cooked supper already, so as soon as we get in the door we sit down to eat. Supper tonight is perogies and garlic bread. L also has a veggie pouch. H tells me the old vehicle was sold, and the buyers are doing a payment plan. We will get $300/month for the next 10 months. A lump sum would be nice, but H’s coworkers will handle all the paperwork so it’s no more work for us.
6:45 pm - Time for a bath! H cleans up supper, cleans the litter boxes (we have 3) and starts some laundry while I take L and get her cleaned up.
7 pm - All finished in the bath. We head downstairs and hang out until L is ready for sleep. I mostly scroll my phone and H plays on his Rog Ally. L climbs the couch and me and scoots around on the floor hunting for different treasures.
8:40 pm - L is ready for bed. I put her down and read some more KU
10 pm - H and I head to bed. I washed and dried a baby quilt to bring to work in the morning for a coworker.
Day 6 Total: $35.01 for H’s lunch. I spend $0, and ‘make’ $100
—
Day 7 - Thursday
6:35 am - The first alarm goes off. It’s a new one on the phone and nice to wake up to! L doesn’t want to wake up and she grumbles and rolls around.
7 am - We all get out of bed. I get L dressed while H packs up what he needs for the day. I get her milk together and they’re out the door by 7:15
7:50 am - I leave the house. After H and L left, I did the dishes and packed up my stuff for the day. Made a smoothie for breakfast (yoghurt, flax seed, orange, banana, rhubarb jam, frozen berries, watermelon, cranberry juice and milk) and there’s lots left over so I pop that into the fridge for tomorrow. I need gas in the work truck, so I head there before going to the office. I have a fuel card so I don’t spend any $ on fuel.
8:30 am - Get to the office and it’s time to make a coffee. I have some things to get done before my webinar at 11 am.
9 am - I show the quilt to my coworker, she loves it and buys it! (+$100)
11 am - Oops. I didn’t get the login link earlier and don’t know who to contact to get it so no webinar for me. I scroll Reddit and my socials and work a bit more on my cycle times. I snack on some grapes and drink another coffee.
1 pm - Lunch time! I’m having leftover skillet Dijon chicken and macaroni. It is still delicious, that recipe is going into the rotation for sure! H goes to McDonalds for lunch and spends $35.66. He bought a coworker lunch as well, she was having a rough day.
2 pm - Chat with a few coworkers about different projects/things we need to think of for this next year.
3 pm - I have an afternoon pick-me-up snack of Brookside pomegranate-flavoured chocolate and a ginger ale.
4:30 pm - I’m tired and don’t feel like doing anything else. I leave the office and call H to see what we should do for supper. We decide on potstickers and veggies, I’ll start cooking when I get home. I stop and check the mail on my way home too.
5:45 pm - H and L arrive home. I take L into the spare room and we call my mum and grandma for a video chat. L rolls around the bed and shows off how she’s almost standing!
6:10 pm - We sit down to eat, L isn’t that interested in either the potstickers or veggies so we pull out some leftover macaroni and she goes to town on that.
7 pm - Bath time! H cleans up and does some more laundry. It just seems to never end.
7:30 pm - Bedtime for L. I read some of my book while I put her down.
8:30 pm - SIL texts again to borrow $50. I send it over out of my spending. I get all of the borders cut for the custom quilt.
9 pm - H has SING on so I sit down to watch it, he’s also playing his Rog Aloy and I’m reading some more of my book.
10 pm - We go to bed.
Day 7 Total: $35.66 for H’s lunch. I spend $50, and ‘make’ $100
—
Weekly Expenses:

• Food + Drink: 575.09
• Fun/Entertainment: $0
• Home + Health: $38.78 (includes gas for lawn mower)
• Clothes + Beauty: $200.45
• Transport/Vehicle Expenses: $328.41
• Other: $496.30 (CC payment, photoshoot, TFSA and $ to SIL)

Total Spending: $1639.03
Reflection:

• This was a more expensive week for sure. I don’t usually spend money on clothes and the photo shoot deposit was a random impulsive spend. The vehicle expenses were also a bit different, usually, they’re budgeted for but not this time.
• Honestly surprised we didn’t order dinner at least once this week - usually we do!
• Events-wise, it was a typical week except for the mountain hike, those are not part of my usual work day. This time of year is slow and mostly involves prep for the coming winter.
• This was a fun experiment to write! I did have to cut some things as my word count kept increasing and I didn’t want it to be too long - is this too long even still? Too much detail on baby routines?

I'm a pretty laid back individual with terrible people skills. :) I'm 420 friendly. As long as you're not throwing out slurs like candy during Halloween I think we'll get along. If you are far-left or far-right on the political compass we aren't going to be compatible.
As far as games go I'm a live service game enjoyer for the most part. I play: MMORPGs, open-world survival crafting, some shooters (I'm a dirty casual, non-tryhard), metroidvanias, romhacks and JRPGs. If any game has even a slight hint of DEI/BRIDGE garbage then I won't touch it. Games I won't play: Overwatch, Valorant, CoD, LoL, DOTA, Fortnite (I'll make an exception for Lego Fortnite), etc..
Here's my Steam profile if you wish to see what games I have there. Money is a problem for me right now so don't expect me to be able to buy whatever whenever. I may get Dawntrail expansion for my birthday so thinking about getting back into FFXIV soon.
If I seem like I might be a good fit please send me a private message (NOT CHAT) on here so we can exchange contact info. I won't be accepting any random Steam friend requests.

I was wondering if this is the right place to request for a poem help?
My friend , she is going through a hard time right now. She feels unworthy and has 0 confidence to herself even though she is absolutely gorgeous and the kindest person I know. She feels so unworthy that she almost done something unfixable , for the lack of a better word.
Currently she is going through a separation with her fiancé of 8 years. So it’s not good. It’s almost her birthday, and I wanted to give her something meaningful.
So I printed a photo I took of her, and I was thinking of adding an optimistic poem behind the photo .
Is this the right place to ask for help??

I recently went to meet my bf (we were in long distance from over a year) and we had a very good time the evening I reached visiting new cafes. However when he left his phone and went out I was jus scrolling through his phone.
I saw that there was a locked chat and that was with one of his colleagues ( woman) from past 7-8 months. The chat was filled with I love u and I miss u and how I can't stop staring at u at office or how jealous he was when she spoke to others. On her birthday he wrote a romantic poem for her and bought her gift too. And during that we were having a fight and he wasnt talking to me.
He even had a dating app installed recently and even signed in. This bestie lady knew he had a gf btw. Though I have broken things, we were together from almost 5 years and were gonna head towards marriage. He is telling me he saw her as just bestie and nothing more.
When asked why he hid the chat or never told about this bestie. He is saying it was coz it would hurt me.
( After reading the comments: Thanks everyone for the comments. I know this whole question was stupid. For the ones telling is she stupid , yea I get you. It's so tiring to act strong around the ones near me and go to office everyday and act like nothing happened and that I am too strong to give a damn which I am doing from past two weeks. Yet when am alone all i do is cry thinking why I deserved this , we were so good from 5 years and thought we had future together. That haunted me and I wanted to share this dilemma with someone but not the ones around coz in front of them I am a strong woman who knows her value.
That's why I came here and posted this stupid question. Thanks for the supportive as well as rude comments. All r very helpful)

My (25f) girlfriend (22f) (I guess my ex) broke up with me two days ago. We recently became long-distance because I have health problems and had to travel (thyroid cancer). She was the one that suggested we remain long-distance. Our relationship had always been mostly amazing. We wrote each other poetry all the time, we had great sex, we were best friends and talked every day for hours. Even recently, we had amazing conversations. But about a week ago, she stopped talking to me as normal. I would send her videos of my day and my new city and she'd barely see them. I asked her why and she said it was too much and she always felt pressured to respond. I tried to tell her how that made me feel and she sent me a very long message breaking up with me, saying she can't stand my emotions and that all I want to do is talk about my feelings and ask her to care and she just wants space. I don't understand it. It all happened after she had a dream about her ex (who is a 45 year old woman who dated her when she was 19 🤮), and her ex recently came back to the place where she works. I think they got together after I left. She also posted a poem on her Instagram today mocking me and saying how much she loves being alone and not letting anyone in.
Anyway, I am a writer and a published author. I wrote a book that was about 60% poems about how much I loved her. A lot of my poetry on Instagram about her was popular. She was always my biggest supporter and was the one who edited my book. I adore her so much. She's honestly my world. Every day I looked forward to her messages and I even bought a plane ticket to surprise her in July. I don't know what to do about that now. I bought her gifts on her birthday and gave her gifts and poems before I left. She has only ever given me 1 gift and never really considered me. I don't know what to think. It feels like it was all in my head sometimes.
I have PTSD and severe anxiety from my childhood. And now after losing her, I can't stop crying. I have nightmares every night. I wake up to panic attacks. I feel like I need a medication to sedate me. Crying isn't enough and my heart feels like it's going to melt out of my chest. I don't know how to move forward. I tried Journaling. I'm not talking to her. I'm trying to meditate and focus on my job. But I don't know how. It hurts so much. Why doesn't she care and why would she do this to me? It doesn't make sense.

This is my war sonnet, celebrating fame
Won on the battlefield, where hearts connive
Sweet strategems, dread tactics to arrive
At victory; the melody the same
As when with thee alone in life's foul game,
Head yoke'd to head the plough of thought we drive,
Our enemies to thwart, their guiles survive,
That vengence may be glutted with their shame.
A devilish feast we serve to them that irk us:
I love thee to adultery, rehammer
Old Sapphic vows, trumpet the Bacchic circus,
Love without blood is but a cardiac stammer.
This is my war sonnet, my love in hymn,
For Mars lov'd Aphrodite, mistress of sin.
Visit my blog to see version 2 and more poems: https://downjotsfromunderfoot.blogspot.com/2024/04/sonnet-for-friends-birthday.html?m=1

TLDR @ bottom
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now. This past month was the 4th birthday I’ve spent with her. Every year, she has decorated, gotten me candies, a card. For me, it wasn’t the materials, but it’s how she showed me she cared and I truly felt cared for.
This is something I grew to love over time as I never liked my bday. She made me love it again. Even when I got depressed the last few years, she always made my day better. Even on the low key ones.
To be fair, I didn’t ask for much for my bday, and everything I did as for, she did. I wanted to see a concert. She got the tickets. I wanted to eat at a specific restaurant. We did that.
But she didn’t do any decorations. No card. Not anything else. She didn’t plan anything like she used to. She let me know a week prior to my bday that she got the tickets for the concert. I was happy about it but it’s like night and day with how it used to be.
Its been a bit more than a week ago that my birthday passed, and it didn’t effect me until yesterday she said she was baking a cake for my birthday. I saw two cakes and asked why she’s making two. She said the other is for a “coworker”. She just started a new job, so I asked who the coworker was, as she only mentioned she works with 2 people. It was someone she already told me about, but she said she just forgot his name which is why she said coworker.
She said she wants to do it because stuff like that makes people like you at the office.
I felt shitty cuz it was like she decided to make me a cake, but also her new make coworker one. It felt like she planned to this random guy she’s known for a week but didn’t plan for me.
She finished his cake and went to work today, and mine unfinished sitting out on the counter still.
I feel petty talking about a cake because I know that’s not what it’s about for me. I didn’t want a cake to begin with. I don’t want much at all. What hurts is that it felt like she cared before and now it feels like I’m not even a second thought. It’s not that I don’t feel she did enough, she knows I don’t love my birthday. But it more so just feels like she didn’t really care for either my birthday or our anniversary.
We said no gifts for our anniversary. I still got us a cocktail mix and fancy syrup we could try together in baking or cooking. I got flowers, a card, and some candy laid out for her the day of.
She went to target after work yesterday and picked up everything the night of our anniversary, including the cake stuff for me and her coworker.
Again I don’t think the things she’s doing are bad. It feel in some way she is trying. It just doesn’t feel like she cares.
She even forgot the date about month ago when I we spoke about her trip this week. I let her know when she was booking that it was also the week of our anniversary and she didn’t know which day it was that was, so I reminded her.
It’s felt like this for months now, but this year really hit hard. Last year she at least tried. Now
I’m not trying to nitpick what she did. She’s done amazingly and I understand it could be starting a new job too.
I just don’t feel like she cares. And if I told her about this, she would say she does care, but that she is just tired, or she would say I didn’t want anything.
She even apologized for not doing anything for my birthday. I didn’t care until she showed more care for a random guy. But now I feel shitty.
TLDR; my girlfriend didn’t know the date of our anniversary, baked a cake for her coworker bday, and my bday, but only finished her coworkers. And didn’t do as much as she usually does for my bday. I didn’t really mind until she seemed to prioritize this coworker. It’s not the materials, but more so just feels like she doesnt care.

I’ve been using this page to kind of just get my feelings out and it’s been helping. I really do genuinely feel upset i put so much energy and care into a relationship with someone who did not care at all. I think about him a lot, but he makes me so angry. It makes me angry to think about how he forgot my birthday after 6 years of friendship, and 5 months of dating, it makes me angry to think about for this past valentine’s day he got me chocolate with almonds (i am allergic to tree nuts) after being with me for almost two years at that point. it makes me angrier when I think about that because he knew the chocolate had almonds, and he didn’t bother enough to even send me a text saying „hey i am sorry i didn’t read the packaging right there’s almonds in the candy” no just fucking send it to me anyway and wait for me to be upset in person. I get angry when I think about how he made me my first ever playlist in the entire two years together a week before we broke up because he knew he had messed up and wanted to save himself. It makes me angry to know that after all of the hurt he put me through he still feels like he can text me and I will listen to him, when he never bothered to listen to me. I want to get over it so badly but I am just so angry at the injustices he left me with in our relationship. I feel so angry to know that I did nothing but show him respect, love and care and I was not given a single ounce of that back from that selfish, cruel man

5th: Sean Rector (Marquesas - 5th)

my glorious king
u/DryBonesKing:
Honestly, Sean feels almost scientifically designed to be a favorite of mine. Great narrator, confrontational, scrappy and willing to get involved in the game/narrative when necessary, prone to discussions on race and the way it impacts him, instrumental to some of the most iconic moments in the series as a whole, and just a genuinely hilarious guy in the most effortless way possible? Sign me the fuck up, print one thousand copies please!
He/Tai/Sandra/Sophie are my top four favorites of all time, and the only reason I let Abi jump ahead of him in terms of priority is just because I felt like I had something really meaningful to say about her and wanted to celebrate her making endgame with a write-up she deserved. Meanwhile, Sean already got his flowers in Rankdown V. Do recommend reading the Rankdown-winning writeup u/CSteino did for him, because I probably don’t have a ton to add that wasn’t already said about him.
It warms my heart to see the modern day Survivor fanbase generally look back at Marquesas and finally recognize Sean as the literal casting gold that he is. However, I do appreciate that his reputation has only shifted positive years after Marquesas. I do think a part of what makes Sean Rector feel so impactful is his complete willingness to be open about himself and who he is as a black man and that he willing to do so with complete disregard to how he might make the white people around him feel. I do think it is important that the audience did not take him to, at least in the immediate aftermath of Marquesas, because it sorta helps prove his point and make his feel more relevant. Like his entire relationship with Paschal is probably the biggest evidence of that Sean is not going to water himself down for the sake of making people like him more comfortable with him. And I think that’s an element to his character that is often not as neglected; that Sean is willing to make both the people around him and the audience uncomfortable so he can say the truth about how he perceives something. That’s the kind of shit I want to see more out of Survivor. One of the all time greats, glad that at the very least in this community, he gets the respect he deserves!
Overall Rank – 4/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
Sean is good. Like, really good. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I love Sean so much considering how much I adore Marquesas to begin with after all. I’m not sure what I can add that hasn’t been said ad nauseam before. He’s simply incredible. Easily worthy of endgame, no questions asked.
~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Sean’s role and impact on Survivor is unprecedented. On top of just being a really good and entertaining character, his discussions and moments about race changed millions of people’s perspectives in way’s people haven’t seen before Sean. He is truly an all-time character and there is a reason he has made endgame all the time.
~
u/Regnisyak1:
Sean is an important figure in Survivor history and helps make Marquesas one of the most important seasons in Survivor, in terms of understanding its roots from trying to create a society. Race is an intricate subject on the series, and one that often gets glossed over, but Sean (and Vecepia) help make it a more visible concept for viewers at home and explains the intricate nature of implicit bias that 100% exists on Survivor. I love Sean for his sociological addition to the series, and to boot, he is hilarious and helps foster one of the most important minority flips in the history of the show. Important for the series, and a great character overall.
Personal Rank: 20/821. 10/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Sean is such an important character on Survivor. Not only is he an interesting player and is a key part to the first and most successful takedown of a majority alliance, but also what he brings to the discussion of race on the show. Of course, you also have his classic scenes of him on the reward with Paschal, and his voting confessional "when in vegas, always bet on black". He has so much to give that it stinks we never really got to see him return for another season.
~~~~~
u/SMC0629:
Sean Rector
My introduction to Survivor rankdowns or lists came in the Summer of 2020. I was on vacation with my family friends, and one night I was reading through survivor’s WSSYW 9.0 series. Not sure why I was spending my night doing that, but that’s besides the point. I was scrolling through the seasons, not really caring much about what most were saying, but there was one person that stuck out to me. u/Csteino’s posts had him ranking every character in the seasons, as well as ranking the seasons, with blurbs attached to every character. I had never really seen survivor characters be called “characters,” so this was really all new for me. The season rankings in particular stuck out to me, one of which being his pick for the best season. His #1 season was Marquesas, and Sean Rector was his #1 character of the entire show. Not just the season, the entire show. I had never seen Marquesas before, only clips and vote-offs. I only knew who Kathy, Rob, and Vecepia were, and I only knew Vecepia because I watched those “every Survivor winner” videos. Flash forward to early 2022, I just discovered how to pirate Survivor seasons, and I had been binging a TON of seasons. Gabon, Panama, even a rewatch of HHH after hearing good stuff about it, but next on my plate, was Marquesas. I held my breath, expecting the very best, and was not disappointed. And as for Sean, he became one of my favorite characters in the entire show.
Starting at the beginning of the season, let’s look at Sean on Maraamu, and why it serves as an incredible introduction to his character. From the jump, Sean’s charisma shines, as his famous Sarah confessional is one of his best. Going beyond that, he jells with almost everyone on the tribe so well, hell, you could argue everyone. This goes to my next point, Sean is so real. Everything he says is real and you’re never gonna see him be fake. He thinks Sarah is useless, thinks Hunter is a know-it-all, thinks Gina is a kiss-ass, and Peter’s weird, obviously. It doesn’t come off like Sean’s just hating to hate though, or being phony, his charisma really sells it. And that’s not to say he doesn’t have good things to say about people. He vibes with Rob, and they have a pretty underrated connection, he likes Patricia and finds her to be a nice mother-figure for the tribe, and then there’s Vecepia. The two bond hard, and have such a great dynamic, almost like a brother-sister the way I see it. Sean is more out there, not afraid to stand out, but extremely calculated when he wants to be. Vecepia on the other hand, is more reserved, chill, willing to let the punches blow by her, but she supports the people she cares about. This comes into play later, but it's a great setup here. We end the Maraamu section with Hunter’s vote-out, which tips the scales for Sean and his partner Rob. The two are pretty much on top now, and nothing can stop them. You know what happens next.
The swap changes everything for Sean, as he, Vecepia, and Rob are now on the bottom with 5 other Rotu members. During these three episodes, Sean is honestly on the backburner, at least compared to Rob. Even Vecepia, as through Rob’s narration we learn Vee has been getting in good with the Rotu’s, due to her being more social. Rob and Sean on the other hand, are pretty much scraping to stay alive. Again, while Sean’s story is pretty much left on the side here, two important things happen. One, is that Gabe is eliminated when Rotu goes to tribal. While the three Maraamu’s were bonding with Gabe, which could make it a 4-4 vote, John decided to take matters into his own hands. A very deceptive move for sure, as John cuts Gabe for showing an unwillingness to play the game, which could ruin John’s plans and put him in the hot seat. To gain the others’ trust, John offers Sean and Rob a deal, and this is where the second important part kicks in. Sean is skeptical, not sure if John can be trusted, but he and Rob go along with it to save their own skin. By the time the merge kicks in, Sean seemingly is aligned with the Rotu 4, but he doesn’t know that Rob has his own plans. Rob wants to break up the alliance, cutting John first, and this all comes to a head in the merge.
As it seems after the first immunity challenge, Rob has stirred up enough panic between Kathy and her other Rotu tribemates that John feels it’s time to cut Rob loose. The two of them and Sean meet after the challenge, where a pretty big verbal fight happens, and it’s one of my favorite moments in the whole season. Especially once Sean overtakes the argument. Everything Sean says is valid, he calls out John’s hypocrisy to a tee, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. It’s a moment with a harsh reality, saying that no matter what connections some might form, the game is always lingering in the background, and for some people like John, it becomes their main drive. So Rob is voted off, and now Sean is pretty much stuck on the bottom. Everything before the challenge practically confirms this, from the night after tribal, to Sean’s “good luck Sean” confessional, and his immediate elimination in the challenge. However, we all know what happens next though. Due to the overconfidence of the Rotu 4, Neleh and Paschal decide to flip on their tribemates, taking out John. The moment after this all happens is amazing, with the “brand new day” scene just being so special. That waterfall looks beautiful by the way, I could never get that out of my mind.
Sean’s charm just continues to blossom throughout the next episodes. We have the iconic reward where Sean and Paschal take a beautiful trip with Marquesian men. Sean has a confessional here which not only encapsulates his charm, but just the spirit of old Survivor in general: “The only horses I’ve been on are the merry-go-rounds in central city.” It really just captures the premise of the show, taking people from different walks of life and throwing them in such a unique scenario. Of course, there’s also the great “my balls' ' moment, and also in the next episode, with his hilarious “piece of doodoo' ' confessional about Neleh’s candy. Also, his relationship with Vecepia continues to grow stronger, as the “happy birthday” moment is another really heartfelt one that always touched me.
To conclude this, we have the final five episode, Sean’s elimination. This episode is one of my favorites in the entire show, and it really makes you root for Sean. It’s not disingenuous at all though, as with the Rotu 4 alliance now eliminated, the dynamic among the tribe becomes very complex. Neleh and Paschal have a pact to not vote each other out, and while Sean and Vee have become very close friends, they haven’t made any sort of ride or die, to the end type agreement. Throughout the episode, Sean and Vee are constantly referred to as a duo, by all three of the others, and it clearly upsets Sean, as he shares at tribal council especially. However, with the context of the entire season in mind, and what we’ve learned about Sean and come to love about him, the show handles this perfectly. Given the much different time this season was made in comparison to the present, there was an easy way out. Sean could have been portrayed far more unfairly, but instead, we’re gifted every second of Sean’s wisdom regarding the situation, and by the end of the episode, you learn that he’s 100% right. Sean is outspoken, he can be head-strong, but in the end, Sean is one of the most knowledgeable and charismatic people to ever be on the show, and that’s why he’s one of my favorite characters of all time.
SMC0629: 3
DryBonesKing: 4
Zanthosus: 3
Tommyroxs45: 6
Regnisyak1: 13
DavidW1208: 20
ninjedi1: 13
Average Placement: 8.857
Total Points: 62
Standard Deviation: 6.651 (11th Highest)

I'm a lesbian (25) and recently a coworker (also woman) reached me out and asked me out. She said she wanted to know me better and be friends and if, only if, she liked me, we should try something more.
The deal is that she has been showering me with gifts (candies, books, ...) and I've just been picking them up. I also gave stuff to her but nothing in the same scale.
I took her on a date and to the cinema. I gave her a plushie of her favorite character, an earring and two books but we never took the next step. Until my birthday two days ago.
She gave me more candies and the dracula book in English (We're both Brazilians but I like reading non-translated books) and after lunch time she wanted to "show me" something else she prepared for my gift.
This is when the thing happened. She tried kissing me but I refused. Twice. In the parking lot.
I haven't been sincere with her. I like her and she's cute but I'm still "recovering" from a traumatic relationship I had more than 2 frickin years ago.
I'm trying to be reasonable and don't build to many expectations from her. I really think she's cute. But I'm not comfortable with her and kissing already.
I feel like I own her some explanation but at the same time I think my reaction was kinda normal and maybe she'll just need to be more patient with me. But at the same time we haven't talked a lot after that. I also feel she has been avoiding me and not sure if I should try to work it out... Or not.

Hi all! Selling samples that didn’t work out for me.
Shipping is $5.
Please don’t ghost, if you change your mind please just let me know!
Perfume
**Alpha Musk**
Hard Luck - Not notes: Slink - 2.00
Lies & Lace - No notes: 5mL rollerball used 2x - 11.00
**BPAL**
Bobbing for Snake Oil - Apples crushed into vintage patchouli, dark, rich, aged vanilla absolute, vegetal musk, and spices: Ajevie Slink - 4.00
Dead Leaves, Scorches Pumpkin, & Marshmallows - Dead leaves, scorched pumpkin, and marshmallows: Ajevie Slink - 4.00
Dirty - A fresh, crisp white linen scent: perfectly clean, perfectly breezy: Slink - 4.00
Elegba - Coconut, tobacco and sweet, sugared rum: BPAL Imp - 3.00
Every Sweet Thing - Honey-dripping plakous, rose petals, caramelized hazelnut, and goat's milk: Ajevie Slink - 2.00
The Hound and the Milk-White Doe - Golden sandalwood and liquidambar, cardamom, coconut milk, jasmine sambac, white petal rosewater, and labdanum: Ajevie Slink - 5.00
Is He, You Know - Sweet 13-year aged patchouli, peru balsam, white oakmoss, french lavender, spikenard, bourbon vanilla, and sugar cane: Ajevie Slink - 5.00
Night-Gaunt - The scent of their thick, rubbery hides is bittersweet, ticklish, and skin-creeping: something akin to yuzu, white grapefruit, and kumquat mixed with the snow-dusted flowers of Mount Ngranek: Imp - 3.00
Othello - Arabian musk with two roses and a bevy of Middle Eastern and Indian spices: Imp - 3.00
Still Life With Dooting Skull - Bourbon vanilla with wildflower honey, licorice root, coconut milk, and nutmeg: Ajevie Slink - 4.00
And I Wede My Corne Well I-Now - The scent of the hay harvest suffused with golden amber sunbeams, green cardamom, a handful of hazelnuts, and a bit of clove husk - 4.00
Young Corn - Corn Husks and upturned soil, haystacks and spicy late summer breezes: Ajevie Slink - 4.00
Wicked - A sophisticated, womanly scent: rich myrrh and jasmine draped in the subtlest rose: Imp - 3.00
**Moonalisa**
Lavender, Sandalwood, Vanilla: 3mL rollerball - 11.00
Moonlight Tuberose - No notes - 1.00
**Morari**
Sparkling Sandalwood - Mysore sandalwood, Tahitian vanilla, sparkling aldehydes: 1mL roller - 3.00
**Nocturne Alchemy**
Cotton Candy Candy Corn Caramel Pumpkin Mallow Musk - Cotton candy accord, caramelized sugar accord, candy corn accord, vanilla absolute, sweet mallow, Bastet's Musk absolute, SLO French Vanilla absolute, caramel accord, brown sugar, caramelized fig, and pumpkin flesh: CO Slink - 5.00
Cotton Candy Sandalwood Mallow Musk - Cotton candy acord, vanilla absolute, Australian sandalwood, Santalum absolute (Studio Limited), vanilla marshmallow accord, mallow, and Bastet's Musk absolute: CO Slink - 6.00
Courage - Lavender, lemongrass, white patchouli, mandarin, Egyptian geranium and ylang ylang essential oils blended with juniper berry extraction, Bastet's Amber absolute, tonka bean, and eNVie saphir: CO Slink - 5.00
Eclipse Exaudia - Creme brulee accord, coconut custard accord, vanilla bean, Crystalline absolute (Studio Limited Originals), incense accord, labdanm resin, and Bastet's Musk absolute: CO Slink - 7.00
Encens Myrrhe - Egyptian myrrh resin, black myrrh accord, eNVie saphir absolute, salted benzoin accord, and smoked amber incense accord: CO Slink - 6.00
Eternal Temple - No notes: 2mL - 8.00
Halloween 2016 Anubis - Burning patchouli, incense and black honey beneath the darkening skyline. A touch of bergamot and grapefruit essential oil: 2mL - 7.00
Halloween 2024 - Caramel apple accord, red apple accord, caramel accord, vanilla bean candy corn accord, vanilla bean cinnamon accord, Bastet's Ice Cream accord, Bastet's Musk absolute, Thoth's Halloween birthday cake: vanilla bean buttercream cake accord, caramel filling accord, and vanilla bean fleck: CO Slink - 5.00
Magnolia Crystalline - No notes: 2mL - 8.00
Malban - is a very old and very delectable Egyptian sweet. It is a luxurious caramel, vanilla, walnut, and sugar delight: 2mL - 8.00
**Poesie**
Spellbound and Snug - Fizzy cream soda, butterscotch ribbons, marshmallow whipped cream, rosewood desks and squashy armchairs, a cheerful fire: 1.15mL with damaged label - 2.00
Soft - Fragrant, comforting basmati rice: 1.15mL - 2.00
**Possets**
The Arrow of Love - Sandalwood, sweet oude, golden amber, a touch of mint leaves: Ajevie Slink - 3.00Henry VIII and Jane Seymour - Red musk, hawthorne, golden honey, fine fat vanilla, and sweetest amber: Ajevie Slink - 2.00
Plenary Indulgence - Strong and sweet, the ineffable scent of lilacs combined with a whiff of smoke, knit together with a shot of resin: Slink with handwritten label - 1.00
Ready to Wear Pink Corset - Musk, vanilla bean liquor, a slight tang of steel, and a mist of pink lily: Ajevie Slink - 2.00
Riding St. George - A very nice bit of leather bounces off a bouquet of black vanilla, iris, and chypre: Ajevie Slink - 2.00
Salome - Black and African myrrh, frankincense, cedar, ivory musk, green coffee pulp extract, and a very light misting of black Mexican vanilla: Ajevie Slink - 2.00
Virginia Oldoini, Countess of Castiglione - Blue lilac accord with a touch of white hawthorne, and three white musks: Ajevie Slink - 2.00
**Pylies**
Is It Fall Yet? - Pumpkin incense, stale gingerbread, a drop of honey: Pylie Slink - 2.00
**Solstice Scents**
Loggia - Mahogany, amber, musk, vanilla bean, all-spice, cardamom, black pepper, cognac, & sandalwood: Slink - 2.00
**Sorcellarie Apothecary**
Follow Me Into the Deep - Coconut milk, tonka, nutmeg, vanilla orchid: Ajevie Slink - 4.00

My sister (20F) and I (18M) have a 3 day difference in birthdays. Now, I know it could be worse, but my family likes to celebrate our birthdays by eating together. Every year, the other gets to decide and we celebrate it in between our birthdays. But, this year, my sister decided she wanted to celebrate with pizza. Thing is, I'm allergic to wheat. I tried to convince her to choose something else, but she's a picky eater. I live alone and she doesn't because I had been saving up for a house (unlike her who spent it on candy), so she lives with our parents. She has always been the favourite and I only noticed after I moved out. Our parents sided with her and said I should just be there and watch them. I don't like watching people eat on an empty stomach, I'd like to eat too. Our parents told me to either eat the pizza, watch them eat, or skip my own birthday. I skipped. I was just enjoying my own food when they texted me and asked where I was. I told them I'd skip. They got mad and told me they will never celebrate my birthday with me again. At least I get to choose my food now.

dementia is an abstract condition residing in platonic space, so, being abstract must necessarily apply to the childhood and teenage years in direct contradiction to their freshness and vigour and it does
there are also more subtle occurrences of this like the natural neural pruning that befalls these age groups
every zen center i have seen runs into contested control of the institution at some point with vicious insider fighting
this, imo, is a general characteristic of religious institutions and what you might expect given the usual emphasis on social control
life’s blind points
we learn and unlearn
what’s found is lost
to return
to back where we started
again and again
one sees a lot of "experts" giving youtube interviews on the russo-ukraine war, experienced people with the right credentials, but they are all skew of the targets, its just the way things go, however the historian yuri felshtinsky is an exception, right on the nail and a coherent overall view
lt. general ben hodges criticises the lack of a clear aim of winning the war by the west and its tardy and restricted support
history lesson
what is true is unreal
what is unreal is not true
where the real fits into fantasy
is hard to say
“ What is the meaning of life in Zen ?
I often feel empty of a reason or meaning for living. I don’t mean that in a suicidal sense, but rather, I feel that there isn’t much aspiration or purpose to why I bear all this suffering . . . and for what ? ”
my reply:
your question is inside out
inside out questions
wrong at the start
so how can it finish ?
two things from town today
a man of about thirty in an electric wheelchair with an open wallet full of cards, each neatly tucked in to its own pouch having difficulty paying for his purchase at the chemist
a mother of about the same age at buttons beach trying to photograph her solo daughter (aged about one and a half years?) sitting on some driftwood who would not lift her head up to face the phone despite the maternal coaxing and eventually standing up
and i guess the third thing is me seeing these things and recording them for all time
half sight
some insight
whole sight
beyond insight
half seeing something
means getting it wrong
i wish i could say more
is there even a full seeing ?
alcohol, sleep and flying do not mix
if you look at a song lyric without the music, they are basically pretty bland
mental candy floss so to speak
love is infinity for poodles
i warn you that when the princes of this world start loving you it means they are going to grind you up into battle sausage
quotes by louis-ferdinand céline who lead an interesting life and was a formative influence on charles bukowski
answers don’t come from above
life draws out what we don’t want to know
blindness changes to sight
and back again
this turmoil is called living
beliefs
thoughtless icons
pivots
around
which
our
lives
can spin
“ How do we judge the reliability of the old ch’an texts and the modern translations ? ”
its basically a full time area of study called "philology" and its hardly ever done because its so labour intensive and financially unrewarding
its not a new problem which is why you see a lot of the "masters" say "sort it out yourself"
you see so many OP’s here (on rzen) quoting a master who says this, then go on for pages "using the words of others" and when you point out the contradiction, can’t see it !
i don’t like dahui or huangpo and there’s only a few authentic "zen masters" in the whole history of ch’an, two being fushan and joshu
“ Now that I’m treated and sober , I still constantly deal with dissociative symptoms, but its more so the general vague feeling of nothing being real, having doubts and confusion regarding consciousness and existence, but nothing that I find to be out of hand ”
my comment
dissociation is a valid viewpoint, bodily entrained philosophy so to speak
i have eaten eyeballs, but not fermented, which some cultures do, i guess the fermenting is to break down the collagen in the lens which can be very hard and as a rule the whole eyeball is very "tough"
its scary how vulnerable they are, some sort of insult and then you have permanent low vision or blindness and when you see how many people have problems , just be grateful and respectful to your own sight
in my view lasik or similar is way too risky for the general acceptance they get, the surgeons' old saying "one operation begets another" is telling you something
well actually its thomas cleary’s translation of some sort of manuscript that purports to be a transcription of something foyan said
ed. posters on rzen seem not to understand that their quoting of the supposed "masters" (ed. foyan in this case) creates no authority because the quotes are in fact often just "literary reinventions"
this is a general problem with religious texts, its all about establishing an authority beyond the literary nature of the text, islam and christianity especially, but its all just stories !
you’re another who thinks foyan spoke into a dictaphone the usual claim in OP’s here (ed. rzen) is an indirect authority/mantle based on a supposed direct quote of whatever zen masteguru
but its never an authentically direct quote but with strong question about whether the "master" ever said anything like it, or if he existed or was ever chronicled at all
in addition you have the errors of transcription, repeated copying and the huge distance of translation which is, in effect reinterpretation
hence
my
sarcastic
reference
to
dictaphone
nothing is quite strange enough
until
you hit
old chinese
poetry
then you look
at the world through different
eyes
i quite like the ming dynasty poet tu mu/ du mu , here’s a poem of his, you can work out what it means (hint : yangzhou road would be what we would call a "red light" district)
she is slim and supple and not yet fourteen
the young spring-tip of a cardamom-spray
on the yangzhou road for three miles in the breeze
every pearl-screen is open
but there’s no one like her

Last year for my birthday, I asked my parents for three fragrances from SSE (Nocturne #10, Dangerous Liasons, and Ghost Kitty.)
When they arrived.. they were all yucky, the notes all sound appealing enough but i was disgusted by each one.
Nocturne #10 gave candle vibes, not a good candle either, the shea butter and dried leaves are probably responsible.
everything else in Ghost Kitty was overwhelmed by the Creme de Banana, a sharp, synthetic banana, like a banana runt candy.
and my biggest disappointment was Dangerous Liaisons, which smelled weirdly bitter despite the caramel and sweet cream (probably the bourbon.)
I initially thought it was mail shock and let them rest for a week.. and here we are, a year later, and they’re still as yucky as when i first smelled them.
to SSE’s credit, i was given a free sample of Coy Koi, a fresh and very green lotus scent that I enjoyed very much.

“It’s like finding a needle in a haystack.” Kate remarked, hands tucked against her hips as she watched all the wannabe villains trudge their way down the stairs, tossing each other aside, competing to be the first to reach the pile of rings.
“Or like finding a ring in a ring stack.” Alex beamed, ruining Kate’s analogy entirely. Kate stared his way, unable to believe this was the man who created thousands of replica rings. Sure, they lacked the power of the original one, but who could tell from only a glance?
After their stairway scuffle, a villain had emerged victorious. Bloodshredder slipped his finger into the first ring he found, turning his mohawk hot pink. There was a bout of laughter from the other villains, one even tripping down the stairs as he attempted to hold his stomach in his hysterics.
Bloodshredder pointed the ringed finger at the group. “WHAT’S SO FUNNI? YOU WANNA DIE, PUNKS?” Bloodshredder’s threat was enough to silence them, no one wanting their blood or any other body parts shredded by the man who could turn his hands into rotating blades.
Since he couldn’t see his own mohawk, many elected not to tell him about it, leaving him to his own delusions. “I GOT THE RING. RING RING, MIGHTY BLOODSHREDDER HERE.” He taunted, pretending to answer a non existent telephone. “You will all fear me soon, for the ring is pumping its power into my veins as we speak.” He shoved his way up the stairs, confused by all the snickers he was attracting.
Madam Hotshot rested a heart decorated glove on her lips, giving Bloodshredder a sideways glance as he left. “Now that the boneheads left, I’ll be taking the real ring, my lovelies.” She sauntered past the group, crouching in the knee deep pile of rings. After fidgeting with them, she slipped one onto her finger, watching it sparkle. “Dazzling. A sparkle like that could only belong to the ring of conquers. What do you all think?” She swung her hip, posing in the pile.
The group of villains stared at her in awe. She was glowing. Literally, she was glowing. A soft golden hue that she couldn’t notice. When no one said a word, she blew a kiss, walking past them. “Don’t feel bad. Lady luck has always been on my side.” Reaching the top of the staircase, she patted both Kate and Alex on the cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll remember you two heroes when I conquer the world. Since you both gave me the opportunity to reach my potential, I’ll give you a nice little reward. Maybe an apartment or something.” She mused before leaving.
“An apartment sounds nice.” Alex admitted, only for Kate to raise her eyebrow at him. “Not that I would ever take that type of deal. I’m a good guy.”
“Of course you are. So, how many rings are actually down there?” Kate whispered.
“I stopped counting. After fifty thousand and something, I lost track of where I was. It was hard thinking of all these different curses. I had to get creative.”
The elderly villain, Samson Adams, poked a ring with his walking stick, accidentally hooking it on the bottom of the stick. “I am the new god of humanity. I provide oxygen and I can take it away.” The walking stick spoke, getting a set of comically large red lips. The lips having the appearance of the ones you would find in a pair of gummy candies. Samson screamed as his walking stick bit him, leaving the old man off balance as the stick freed itself from his hold. Samson wobbled before succumbing to his fall, collapsing into the rings, sending them scattering amongst the pile. It took the effort of two other villains to free the walking stick of the ring, returning it to normal.
This trend continued until no one was left, with everyone taking their chosen ring and leaving. Even after the forty or so villains had left, the pile on the floor hadn’t moved an inch, still an ocean of silver. Kate patted Alex on the shoulder, having to admit that his plan worked. “So, where’s the actual ring?”
Alex smiled before shrugging. “Dunno. I had to erase my memory of that so none of the villains could interrogate me for it. The first thing they did when they found out I had the ring was bring someone here with mind reading powers. You should have seen the looks on their faces when they realized I didn’t actually know where it was. I assume it’s somewhere safe, though.”
“Somewhere safe. That’s not really that reassuring.”
“Look, this buys us time, at the very least. By the time someone finds it, we will have a way of countering it. There’s no such thing as a perfect plan, is there?”
“Guess not.” Kate admitted, feeling tempted to try on a few of those rings herself. Not because she wanted the grand power that was promised, but more because she wanted to see what weird things they would do. Resisting the urge, she went to head back to the hero’s headquarters. “I should get going. They only sent me here to keep an eye on things. Let us know if someone finds the actual ring.”
“Will do. See ya, Kate.” He waved her off, wondering where he even put that stupid ring. It had to be somewhere safe where no one could find it. But where was that?
Inside a quaint little home on the other side of the world sat Alex’s great grandmother, Lily Hazelwas. The old woman rocking in her chair, with a silver ring sitting on her thin finger. She stopped mid-rock to admire the birthday present Alex had given her before smiling. “Urthgard, the destroyer guardian, could you be a dear and get me some tea?”
The behemoth of a monster dragged its spiked club into the living room, breathing heavily through its helmet. “I am Urthgard, the destroyer, and guardian of the wielder of the ring. I am made for battle, war, and bloodshed. Tea is not a battle, nor does it sate my thirst for the blood of my fallen enemies.”
“Would a lemon drop candy sate your thirst for blood?” Lily asked, getting one from her purse. She dropped it into the heavy, calloused hand of the guardian, who slowly clenched his palm around it. “That is an acceptable tribute. Urthgard likes having fresh breath.” Dragging his club towards the kitchen, Urthgard went to prepare the tea.

My 7 y/o daughter LOVES O’Ryan’s Irish Potato candies and wants an Irish potato cake for her birthday. I know I could just buy a coconut cake and pop some of the “potatoes” on top, but I thought I’d take a chance and see if anyone knows a bakery in Delco or Philly that happens to actually make this?? Thank you so much!