Earache and vomiting

Music styles like Gabber, Speedcore, Acidcore are, without doubt, the most extreme and boundary-pushing form of electronic music. On the non-electronic "guitar / rock" side of things, these places are occupied by genres like Death Metal, Black Metal, Grindcore. I guess it was inevitable then that, over time, an intersection of both of these two very dark sonic universes began to form.Giving rise to artists, bands, and projects that try to fuse Extreme Techno with Extreme Metal - or vice versa.
And, in my opinion, when these two worlds collide, that are very different and contradictory in many aspects, but also share a relentless brutality, an inferno gets unleashed which can hardly be paralleled.
So, let us look at a selection of tracks from past and present that embody the fusion of metal and techno:
The Berzerker - Burnt
The Berzerker is probably one of the names that first come to mind when a fusion of Death Metal and Hardcore Techno is mentioned. I saw the band live two times, and, yeah, let's just say they blew my mind, body and soul to smithereens. From the beginning of the gig to the end. This is a fine example from their first album. Combining steel-hammer drums with Death Metal guitars and growls.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F6Mu\_2dV0c
The Shizit - Audio Jihad II
The Shizit broke up just when their 'rise to the top' began, and thus it's a shame that there is only little audio material available by them, compared to other bands and project. This song / track shows them at the height of their capabilities, though. A tidal wave of anger, noisy guitars, and gabber drums.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXp0Sm4oJmI Bazooka - B.O.T.T.R.O.P.P.
Bazooka started as a "pure" Hardcore / Gabber artist, but soon incorporated more and more death metal fragments in his track; this evolution led to tracks like this, which are a true fusion of death metal insanity and his hardcore roots.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsoklRpyH20 Acid Enema - Desolate World - Human Extermination
While most "early speedcore" kids were more about the death metal side of things, Acid Enema was a true pioneer in choosing Black Metal as his sonic bride and allowing her to take control of his hardcore productions; and to this day he is probably still the most important act in the sector of "Blackened Speedcore". This track is a good example of that. More complex than most "Hardcore" productions, it also features haunting, beautiful strings and intros.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bIN3VhMfl4 Sangre - As In Life, So in Death
When we talk about Acid Enema, we should not omit this side project by him. And this is truly one of the darkest, most chaotic, most mind-eating pieces of "music" I ever heard. Can't even begin to describe it... is this blackenend death... with goth elements? Slowcore to Speedcore? No, trying to fit it to any genre would not do it justice. Better listen to it yourself, right away!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrTIrFIqBcE Pulkas vs. Shitspitter - Control
Shitspitter was another interesting Guitar / Gabber project... for this release on Earache Records they teamed up with Pulkas. And the result is just pure aggression. Deafening screams, over-saturated noise, percussion, kicks... what a lovely chaos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtUlgBaiyvM Legionz Ov Hell - Khult Ov Abaddon
Legionz ov Hell is another pioneer project that employs black metal instead of death metal sounds in the "hardcore" sector. And the name is rightly chosen, because if you listen to these tracks, forget everything about harmonies or structure or order in music... a hellish experience that strips the flesh from your bones. Listen with care!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SAFcmfJUo8 Napalm 9 - Shit01
Napalm was a 90s label with limited releases, all done anonymously by a pool of producers connected to the so-called "Street Trash Alliance". Releases were always varied in styles, but also always very rough. And while the first Napalms were more like "Industrial Hardcore", Napalm 9 is a full-on guitar and death metal assault, and this is my favorite track from that vinyl EP. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kru-dUqQaI Sonic Overkill - Realität ist Gewalt
Sonic Overkill was an early adaptor of "Death Metal Hardcore", too (which was also visible in other projects he was involved in, like the Industrial Terror Squad or Noize Junkie)
This track is from his second EP on Speedcore Records, and the track is in my opinion the most brutal one on that EP.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkNFFYG5Eqo DJ Fistf**k - Make me vomit
The list would not be complete without a project by Martin Damm, so it's the right choice to end it with this track by him. Changing in sounds and speed several times, employing many sounds and samples, and it's a straight attack on the nerves kicking up a thunderstorm of high bpm beats and metal guitars.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMwpcWyZ0DI Do you know more tracks / songs like the above-mentioned?
(Originally published in The Hardcore Overdogs e-zine)
https://thehardcoreoverdogs.blogspot.com/2024/04/inferno-unleashed-when-extreme-techno.html

Music styles like Gabber, Speedcore, Acidcore are, without doubt, the most extreme and boundary-pushing form of electronic music. On the non-electronic "guitar / rock" side of things, these places are occupied by genres like Death Metal, Black Metal, Grindcore. I guess it was inevitable then that, over time, an intersection of both of these two very dark sonic universes began to form.Giving rise to artists, bands, and projects that try to fuse Extreme Techno with Extreme Metal - or vice versa.
And, in my opinion, when these two worlds collide, that are very different and contradictory in many aspects, but also share a relentless brutality, an inferno gets unleashed which can hardly be paralleled.
So, let us look at a selection of tracks from past and present that embody the fusion of metal and techno:
The Berzerker - Burnt
The Berzerker is probably one of the names that first come to mind when a fusion of Death Metal and Hardcore Techno is mentioned. I saw the band live two times, and, yeah, let's just say they blew my mind, body and soul to smithereens. From the beginning of the gig to the end. This is a fine example from their first album. Combining steel-hammer drums with Death Metal guitars and growls.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F6Mu\_2dV0c
The Shizit - Audio Jihad II
The Shizit broke up just when their 'rise to the top' began, and thus it's a shame that there is only little audio material available by them, compared to other bands and project. This song / track shows them at the height of their capabilities, though. A tidal wave of anger, noisy guitars, and gabber drums.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXp0Sm4oJmI Bazooka - B.O.T.T.R.O.P.P.
Bazooka started as a "pure" Hardcore / Gabber artist, but soon incorporated more and more death metal fragments in his track; this evolution led to tracks like this, which are a true fusion of death metal insanity and his hardcore roots.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsoklRpyH20 Acid Enema - Desolate World - Human Extermination
While most "early speedcore" kids were more about the death metal side of things, Acid Enema was a true pioneer in choosing Black Metal as his sonic bride and allowing her to take control of his hardcore productions; and to this day he is probably still the most important act in the sector of "Blackened Speedcore". This track is a good example of that. More complex than most "Hardcore" productions, it also features haunting, beautiful strings and intros.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bIN3VhMfl4 Sangre - As In Life, So in Death
When we talk about Acid Enema, we should not omit this side project by him. And this is truly one of the darkest, most chaotic, most mind-eating pieces of "music" I ever heard. Can't even begin to describe it... is this blackenend death... with goth elements? Slowcore to Speedcore? No, trying to fit it to any genre would not do it justice. Better listen to it yourself, right away!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrTIrFIqBcE Pulkas vs. Shitspitter - Control
Shitspitter was another interesting Guitar / Gabber project... for this release on Earache Records they teamed up with Pulkas. And the result is just pure aggression. Deafening screams, over-saturated noise, percussion, kicks... what a lovely chaos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtUlgBaiyvM Legionz Ov Hell - Khult Ov Abaddon
Legionz ov Hell is another pioneer project that employs black metal instead of death metal sounds in the "hardcore" sector. And the name is rightly chosen, because if you listen to these tracks, forget everything about harmonies or structure or order in music... a hellish experience that strips the flesh from your bones. Listen with care!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SAFcmfJUo8 Napalm 9 - Shit01
Napalm was a 90s label with limited releases, all done anonymously by a pool of producers connected to the so-called "Street Trash Alliance". Releases were always varied in styles, but also always very rough. And while the first Napalms were more like "Industrial Hardcore", Napalm 9 is a full-on guitar and death metal assault, and this is my favorite track from that vinyl EP. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kru-dUqQaI Sonic Overkill - Realität ist Gewalt
Sonic Overkill was an early adaptor of "Death Metal Hardcore", too (which was also visible in other projects he was involved in, like the Industrial Terror Squad or Noize Junkie)
This track is from his second EP on Speedcore Records, and the track is in my opinion the most brutal one on that EP.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkNFFYG5Eqo DJ Fistf**k - Make me vomit
The list would not be complete without a project by Martin Damm, so it's the right choice to end it with this track by him. Changing in sounds and speed several times, employing many sounds and samples, and it's a straight attack on the nerves kicking up a thunderstorm of high bpm beats and metal guitars.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMwpcWyZ0DI Do you know more tracks / songs like the above-mentioned?
(Originally published in The Hardcore Overdogs e-zine)

Hi, I'm a 21-year-old female who has had dysautonomia since childhood. My symptoms are basically typical for dysautonomia: tachycardia, blood pooling, sleep problems, low blood pressure, etc. As a child I also suffered from frequent nosebleeds and heaviness in my chest, luckily the bleeding doesn't bother me now, the last time I had a nosebleed was 2 years ago.
Now I want to talk about some other weirder symptoms. Ever since I was a kid I have had this problem called motion sickness. I would vomit 10 times in a car or on a ship for 3 hours. As I got older these symptoms became more tolerable, now I only get nauseous when I drive on a very long road with constant turns. I also have coordination problems, it is hard for me to draw a straight line or walk on a straight line (My parents jokingly call me drunk all the time).
And now the most unexpected and terrible symptom for a person who likes to travel. Horrible ear pain on an airplane. God it's so awful that I cried on the plane trying to cover my ears. I thought they were going to burst or bleed. The symptoms started when the plane reached its final altitude and got worse as it descended. My ears were stuffy for a day after the flight. It's horrible.
Has anyone experienced similar symptoms and how do you deal with them. The nausea is fine with my pills, but the earache is not even painkillers help me with it

Long time lurker, first time poster — looking for advice here on what I'm dealing with. I've bolded the notable parts of my medical history for simplicity.
I've had small bouts of positional vertigo since I was 19. It would come and go as it pleased, sometimes lasting for a week and sometimes just a single instance. I never knew what it was, but figured that it had resolved itself, as I didn't have anymore attacks until my mid-twenties. The frequency changed from a few attacks every other year to quarterly instances around 30.
My GP felt my symptoms were consistent with BPPV and introduced me to the Epley. I would usually find relief following a few maneuvers, but the positional vertigo would always return and eventually became a semi-weekly occurrence as of July of last year, making life unmanageable. I sought out a vestibular therapist for help and after a few balance tests, she agreed that it seemed like BPPV. My VT suggested I strongly pursue a referral to an ENT, just to rule out any underlying causes.
I was then referred to the Ottawa Dizziness Clinic by my GP in November. Otological (ear), cranial nerve, motor, coordination and gait exams were all normal. However, the neuro-vestibular exam revealed apparent recurrent right posterior canal BPPV. Exam during that visit showed right torsional up beating nystagmus on the right Dix-Hallpike and also on the left Dix-Hallpike position. She told me to continue seeing my vestibular therapist and sent me on my way. Positional vertigo spells continued and stopped responding to the maneuvers altogether, despite sleeping in a vertical position.
ENT then altered the diagnosis to vestibular migraines. Since I have a family history of migraines, my ENT is inclined to believe this was that. My mom and sister both experience migraines with auras with unrelenting headaches, nausea, vomiting and occasionally, dizziness. Neither of them have experienced positional vertigo. I know there are what seems like hundreds of migraine symptoms, but their migraine experiences are very similar, almost verbatim and mine couldn't be more different. I experienced a brief period of headaches behind the eye and into the neck on and off for a few months, but generally rarely get headaches (and never in parallel with my vertigo), no aura, no vomiting, no nausea. My headaches have completely remedied since I've gotten prescription glasses for distance.
The ENT requested a brain MRI just to be on the safe side and rule out tumours/MS. In the meantime, I was told to start B2, CoQ10, and magnesium daily and if I experienced any headaches, vertigo or dizziness to take two Tylenol with a cup of coffee, so I listened. I got my MRI mid-January and it was clean, except for "slightly low-lying cerebellar tonsils", also known as a Chiari malformation, which can can cause cervical veritgo symptoms. The ENT was quick to dismiss this diagnosis (Chiari type I is a decent greater than 5mm), despite mine measuring between 5-6mm; it was her personal opinion that anything below 1cm wasn't cause for concern.
As of December of 2023, I've been taking 2,000 IUs daily of D3, which I bumped to 2,500 IUs in March. January 2024, I started 212 mg daily of Magnesium, 100 mg daily of CoQ10, and B-Complex daily (containing 100 mg of each B vitamin) as a migraine preventative. I started 120 mcg daily of K2 two weeks ago which is supposed to absorb/dissolve loose crystals, but I've read it can take up to six weeks to see results.
Bloodwork (last checked on Feb 8, 2024)

• Vitamin D: 138 (standard range 75 - 250 nmol/L)
• Magnesium: 0.87 (standard range 0.7 - 1.00 mmol/L)
• B12: 394 (standard range: 138 - 652 pmol/L)
• Ferritin: 62 (standard range 15 - 272 ug/L)

After much persistence, my ENT finally processed a referral to a neurologist, but says she's pessimistic they will take me on. Otherwise, she advised me to sit tight and to call her back if I had the urge off myself. Since January, I've managed to go two months vertigo free and thought I had kicked it with the perfect vitamin cocktail, but sadly, it resurfaced mid-March and I've now had my second bout today. I'm still holding out hope that in a month, the K2 will have had time to work with the D3 to kick this thing long-term, but I'm still looking for other solutions I may have missed.
Other health updates to note:

• GP prescribed me 5 mg of Rizatriptan to try, but it has had no effect on my vertigo or dizziness
• Diagnosed with celiac disease in January 2023 (immediately cut gluten and by September, my TTG number dropped to unconcerning number and all of my vitamin numbers improved drastically, proving I was properly absorbing vitamins again)
• Diagnosed with gastritis in January 2023 and struggled all year — finally kicked it in January 2024
• In February of this year, I got a mild glasses prescription for distance and a pair of prism lenses
• I'm not currently taking any medication except for birth control (Tri-Jordyna)
• I burst my eardrum as a child and struggled with brutal earaches for several years in childhood
• I've been tracking everything you can possibly think (food, water intake, bowel movements, vitamins, period, anxiety level, etc.) for over a year now and am yet to find any correlation, including cutting caffeine for two months and my vertigo was just as prevalent as ever

TL;DR: struggling with recurrent positional vertigo, originally thought to be BPPV, but ENT now believes is vestibular migraines. Bloodwork looks great, MRI is relatively unremarkable (except for possible Chiari malformation), normal ear exams. Positional vertigo sometimes improves and resolves with Epley, but sometimes not. Taking D3, K2, Magnesium, B-Complex, and CoQ10 daily and do not sleep on the affected side (right), but I'm still experiencing vertigo. I've found no correlation with diet or caffeine intake. Am I missing something glaringly obvious here? Is my next step a migraine preventative medication like Nurtec?

Long time lurker, first time poster — looking for advice here on what I'm dealing with. I've bolded the notable parts of my medical history for simplicity.
I've had small bouts of positional vertigo since I was 19. It would come and go as it pleased, sometimes lasting for a week and sometimes just a single instance. I never knew what it was, but figured that it had resolved itself, as I didn't have anymore attacks until my mid-twenties. The frequency changed from a few attacks every other year to quarterly instances around 30.
My GP felt my symptoms were consistent with BPPV and introduced me to the Epley. I would usually find relief following a few maneuvers, but the positional vertigo would always return and eventually became a semi-weekly occurrence as of July of last year, making life unmanageable. I sought out a vestibular therapist for help and after a few balance tests, she agreed that it seemed like BPPV. My VT suggested I strongly pursue a referral to an ENT, just to rule out any underlying causes.
I was then referred to the Ottawa Dizziness Clinic by my GP in November. Otological (ear), cranial nerve, motor, coordination and gait exams were all normal. However, the neuro-vestibular exam revealed apparent recurrent right posterior canal BPPV. Exam during that visit showed right torsional up beating nystagmus on the right Dix-Hallpike and also on the left Dix-Hallpike position. She told me to continue seeing my vestibular therapist and sent me on my way. Positional vertigo spells continued and stopped responding to the maneuvers altogether, despite sleeping in a vertical position.
ENT then altered the diagnosis to vestibular migraines. Since I have a family history of migraines, my ENT is inclined to believe this was that. My mom and sister both experience migraines with auras with unrelenting headaches, nausea, vomiting and occasionally, dizziness. Neither of them have experienced positional vertigo. I know there are what seems like hundreds of migraine symptoms, but their migraine experiences are very similar, almost verbatim and mine couldn't be more different. I experienced a brief period of headaches behind the eye and into the neck on and off for a few months, but generally rarely get headaches (and never in parallel with my vertigo), no aura, no vomiting, no nausea. My headaches have completely remedied since I've gotten prescription glasses for distance.
The ENT requested a brain MRI just to be on the safe side and rule out tumours/MS. In the meantime, I was told to start B2, CoQ10, and magnesium daily and if I experienced any headaches, vertigo or dizziness to take two Tylenol with a cup of coffee, so I listened. I got my MRI mid-January and it was clean, except for "slightly low-lying cerebellar tonsils", also known as a Chiari malformation, which can can cause cervical veritgo symptoms. The ENT was quick to dismiss this diagnosis (Chiari type I is a decent greater than 5mm), despite mine measuring between 5-6mm; it was her personal opinion that anything below 1cm wasn't cause for concern.
As of December of 2023, I've been taking 2,000 IUs daily of D3, which I bumped to 2,500 IUs in March. January 2024, I started 212 mg daily of Magnesium, 100 mg daily of CoQ10, and B-Complex daily (containing 100 mg of each B vitamin) as a migraine preventative. I started 120 mcg daily of K2 two weeks ago which is supposed to absorb/dissolve loose crystals, but I've read it can take up to six weeks to see results.
Bloodwork (last checked on Feb 8, 2024)

• Vitamin D: 138 (standard range 75 - 250 nmol/L)
• Magnesium: 0.87 (standard range 0.7 - 1.00 mmol/L)
• B12: 394 (standard range: 138 - 652 pmol/L)
• Ferritin: 62 (standard range 15 - 272 ug/L)

After much persistence, my ENT finally processed a referral to a neurologist, but says she's pessimistic they will take me on. Otherwise, she advised me to sit tight and to call her back if I had the urge off myself. Since January, I've managed to go two months vertigo free and thought I had kicked it with the perfect vitamin cocktail, but sadly, it resurfaced mid-March and I've now had my second bout today. I'm still holding out hope that in a month, the K2 will have had time to work with the D3 to kick this thing long-term, but I'm still looking for other solutions I may have missed.
Other health updates to note:

• GP prescribed me 5 mg of Rizatriptan to try, but it has had no effect on my vertigo or dizziness
• Diagnosed with celiac disease in January 2023 (immediately cut gluten and by September, my TTG number dropped to unconcerning number and all of my vitamin numbers improved drastically, proving I was properly absorbing vitamins again)
• Diagnosed with gastritis in January 2023 and struggled all year — finally kicked it in January 2024
• In February of this year, I got a mild glasses prescription for distance and a pair of prism lenses
• I'm not currently taking any medication except for birth control (Tri-Jordyna)
• I burst my eardrum as a child and struggled with brutal earaches for several years in childhood
• I've been tracking everything you can possibly think (food, water intake, bowel movements, vitamins, period, anxiety level, etc.) for over a year now and am yet to find any correlation, including cutting caffeine for two months and my vertigo was just as prevalent as ever

TL;DR: struggling with recurrent positional vertigo, originally thought to be BPPV, but ENT now believes is vestibular migraines. Bloodwork looks great, MRI is relatively unremarkable (except for possible Chiari malformation), normal ear exams. Positional vertigo sometimes improves and resolves with Epley, but sometimes not. Taking D3, K2, Magnesium, B-Complex, and CoQ10 daily and do not sleep on the affected side (right), but I'm still experiencing vertigo. I've found no correlation with diet or caffeine intake. Am I missing something glaringly obvious here? Is my next step a migraine preventative medication like Nurtec?

Hi 👋 I hope you're having a great day.
My husband and I are based in the UK, and desperately need some advice on his health, please. He's just turned 40.
12 months ago he began having sensations of compression / feeling of being strangled in his throat, and was struggling with food / drink getting 'stuck' halfway down. At this time he was very sick with repeated chest infections, colonisation in his lungs with h.influenzae and staph aureus, and was diagnosed with bronchiectasis. Around the time his throat became noticeable he'd had a daytime epileptic seizure (which is uncommon for him), and had terrible vertigo for weeks. The chest infections were brought under control around September 2023, and he takes antibiotic 3x a week to maintain.
Over the period of time since then, his throat / swallowing symptoms have got worse and worse. The current issues he's dealing with are:

• Swallowing issues from initiating swallowing, and soft food / tepid drinks taking around 3 swallows to get down fully
• A sharp, deep pain in his sternum once the food goes down
• Deteriorating voice over 4+ months, he now speaks with a whisper and it hurts
• Lying down, turning his head left or right, or looking down causes a compression feeling - his voice changes pitch dramatically (becomes high pitched) and he feels like he can't breathe
• Describes day-to-day like 'breathing through a straw'
• Any eating, drinking or talking makes the 'being strangled' feeling much worse
• Coughing up red / orange coloured spit (no mucus)
• Fatigue - he falls asleep most days, is constantly exhausted
• Daily nausea and frequent vomiting, he's lost weight due to this
• Pain and soreness all around the front of his neck, sides of neck, and up to ears - he can't have it touched it's so sore, and when it's touched it makes him retch
• Earache and loss of hearing in both ears
• Hair loss, constant headaches, joint pain all over...

He initially saw ENT who said 'not our problem', and referred him to Gastro, who also said 'not our problem' but did a barium swallow (not modified). The barium showed issues initiating swallow, and pooling - noting around 3 swallows to get it down. Gastro discharged him, and referred to Neuro in Dec 2023 (to rule out other diseases) however the referral hasn't been received, but they insist it's been sent, so won't do another. They've also referred to SALT, he's got his first appt on Monday.
His Respiratory doctor requested a camera on his voice box whilst exercising to check for respiratory issues - they noted his supraglottis had 'severe constriction' thought to be muscular, vocal cords were barely visible but were dark red without oedema, and advised further referrals - but nothing further was done. When this report arrived, our GP did an urgent 2-week referral to local ENT... we've just attended the appt, the doctor put a camera in his throat, the supraglottis was the same, vocal cords not visible. She concluded he's got anxiety.
I'm at the end of my tether.. I've spent 18 months watching my husband deteriorate and I'm terrified of how ill he is with no end in sight. No diagnosis, no understanding of what's caused this, and no plan to help him recover. We had to go private to see the Respiratory consultant as local services were dismissive (despite 16 back-to-back antibiotic prescriptions, and 3 months of steroids but they insisted it must be asthma). We need to see someone about the issues he's experiencing now to confirm how we help him, since it's getting to the point he can no longer work or function day-to-day.
I'd greatly appreciate thoughts on:

• What doctor(s) he should be seeing
• What tests or diagnostic imaging should he be having
• Any other considerations for what may be happening here

Thank you so much. 💙

Sorry in advance for the lengthy post. 32 y/o female Caucasian non Hispanic with a history of seizures as a child that went away on their own (my father also had seizures as a child), food allergies, skin sensitivities, rosacea, pre cervical cancer with LEEP performed in 2011 (clear since), breast cysts, and a thyroid cyst (heterogeneous and I’m told too small to do anything to), previous history of suspected colitis and malabsorption (photo attached from those results in 2022 which antibiotics iobiotcs resolved). Family history: paternal grandfather had pancreatic cancer in remission, maternal aunt had breast cancer, maternal grandfather had non Hodgkin’s lymphoma diagnosed at 49 died at 50, paternal grandmother had heart and stroke died in her sixties. Both sides of my family suffer from Alzheimer’s and addiction issues (not sure if that matters I do not drink or use drugs).
In April 2023, my face swelled for about a week. Picture attached. It didn’t hurt it wasn’t itchy or red and I had no sinus issues at the time. In fact I didn’t notice it until someone pointed it out. It resolved on its on. During that same week I began having what would become a month and half long issue of on and off diarrhea bouts with stomach pains that I attributed to traveling (no change in diet I ate fairly healthy). I spent May of 2023 traveling in the USA, Florida, Idaho, Montana, Utah, Arizona, Washington, Hawaii, and then back home to Nevada. During this time I had diarrhea on and off, stomach pains I used a heating pad for, and a left side earache. I bought groceries during my travels so my diet would remain the same to avoid food poisoning since I’ve always had a sensitive stomach and food allergies. During this time I also got off my Birth control, viorelle.
In June I decided to see my at the time PCP for the earache since both my siblings have Eustation tube dysfunction in their ears and I figured it was from traveling or snorkeling too much. I also was constantly hot at 99-100 degrees. To my surprise after a flu COVID and strep test I was diagnosed with strep. My throat was fine my sinuses were fine. I am allergic to sulfa drugs (hives), amoxicillin (severe vomiting diarrhea and stomach pains), Azythromycin (same as amoxicillin), and bactracin (hives). So my PCP opted for a shot of rocephin. I felt great for a week and half then ended up feeling super fatigued and unwell. Three more shots of rocephin later, by July 2023 an EBV panel showed high antibodies to Epstein Barr virus. The PCP said this must be the real issue and told me to rest.
I saw an ENT who said my lymph nodes were swollen but everything else looked and tested fine with my ears and throat and to keep resting. By end of July I returned to work feeling fatigued still but better. In August I began to have severe constipation. I do plenty of fiber every day and was very regular until this point so I was confused. The GI I saw told me it might be lingering issues from all the antibiotics or EBV and to take a daily laxative like miralax. I felt like a daily laxative was too much and opted for every two to three days for two weeks and I began to feel better again.
In September 2023, I returned to my then PCP to see an update on my EBV antibodies to see if I was improving since I began having stomach cramps and constipation again. That day I felt super hot and nauseous and unwell. By the time I got to her office I collapsed with tachycardia, hypertension, slurred stuttering speech, confusion, severe tremors, memory recall issues, and heat intolerance. She told the paramedics who got me she thought I was going septic. The hospital I was transported to said it was anxiety and dismissed me after a chest x ray. I couldn’t stand on my own at this point a friend had to bring me home. I got back on my BC this month at the advice of my gyno since my hormones were very low.
Two more hospitals and 911 calls later I was admitted to a hospital and diagnosed with IST. Every time i moved and at rest my heart rate shot up. I was put on ivabradine and released after six days. At this point I was nauseous, heat intolerant, weak, and was down to 99 lbs from 119, I ended up bedridden. Even in the ivabradine I still had tachy and hypertension episodes. I switched to a Pcp familiar with pots at the recommendation of a friend and began seeing a new cardiologist, a new GI dr, an infectious disease dr, an endocrinologist, a neurologist, a rheumatologist, and now soon a hematologist. The new cardiologist took me off the ivabradine and did a tilt table test and two different holter monitors a repeat echo of the left side of my heart because it was slightly covered up during my hospital stay echo, and believes I have pots.

i got covid for the first time EVER last week probably around thursday/ friday. bad symptoms didn’t show until early early saturday. got diagnosed with covid at the doctor on sunday. today is tuesday around 6pm. i had horrible earache, headache, sore throat that feels like im swallowing glass, & i had a fever on sunday. today the sore throat pain has lessoned, but im currently crying because my taste has gone away, everything just tastes like shit. my tonsils are swollen and my ears are clogged. i’m still in horrid pain. can barely talk or breathe. i haven’t slept since sunday, max 4-5 hours in the past 4 days.
can you guys please tell me your stories? how covid was for you day by day? any words of encouragement. this is such a tough time because i haven’t been sick with any type of illness since 2017. i feel like im fucking dying
and to add: i’m also nauseous on and off. i have such a fear of vomiting :(

M25 last week in the early hours of Monday I had norovirus symptoms which included diarrhoea and vomiting. Whilst vomiting my throat became sore which caused toothache and earache (on the same side)
On Wednesday my norovirus symptoms disappeared but my throat remained sore with intense toothache. 2 days after the sore throat pain disappeared but my gland underneath my jaw started swelling and as far as toothache goes, the tooth was bruised and only painful on touch.
On Thursday my gland became swollen I went to GP as I felt pain in the gland, my GP had a look and said it’s nothing to worry about and it will go on its own and I should use Ibuprofen and other OTC medication for sore throat as it was still sore.
On Friday through out the day the pain around my gland was mild but in the afternoon hours I’ve noticed I find it difficult opening my mouth and swelling would be sort of painful (only two fingers would fit my mouth) so I panicked and started googling. Google showed me results for potential abscess being stuck in my tonsils, I slowly managed to open my mouth a bit more so I can see if my tonsils are swollen or if they have some white patches on them. But they didn’t, so I left it and before sleeping I took ibuprofen and went to sleep.
Today morning I woke up, gland underneath my jaw is still swollen and painful and my gland underneath tongue became swollen as well. I still find it very difficult to open mouth as it is very painful if I try to do around the gland area underneath my jaw and I have discomfort in my neck whilst trying to swallow
I once again managed to open my mouth slightly more to have a look at my tonsils but they seem fine.

32yr old male 210lbs 13% bf 5'10" No medications Active
December 29th I have a tooth extraction.I know nothing of dentistry. Leaving the office I felt fine but was extremely numb. Within 12 hours things went down hill, the pain was unbearable, I almost felt as if I was going to passout. I began feeling Nauseous and began violently vomited uncontrollably. I thought it was an infection.i managed through and within 2 -3 days I was in emergency room getting nerve block and immediately i was out of pain, i could open my eyes and everything. It's been weeks little sleep if any. If I sleep in a bed I wake up with a swollen and painful face, so I sleep in a recliner and seems to help. The pain radiates around my cheek, near the underside of my right eye, and my ear. I half like 50% capacity of hearing, and the tinnitus is driving me insane. I saw doctor bland less the a week after the surgery and she was in and out of the room in 30 seconds. She looked at extraction site and said it looked fine without listening to Me about the pain that I was having in my face, or ear . If my dog barks my ear hurts, sometime it feels like fluid other times clogged feeling, or a earache without the heat. I'm not a person to sue but this is ruining my life and my mental state, I feels like a dream. The surgeon will not see me what so ever. A different doctor in the office gave me a medrol pack, a good doctor. I'm hoping it fixes it but I doubt it. For context I've broken lots of bones, cut fingers off, and some other legit inquiries my pain tolerance is at least average. Any comments question or concerns would really be appreciated ty

December 29th I have a tooth extraction by doctor elisa bland in New Jersey. I know nothing of dentistry. Leaving the office I felt fine but was extremely numb. Within 12 hours things went down hill, the pain was unbearable, I almost felt as if I was going to passout. I began feeling Nauseous and began violently vomited uncontrollably. I thought it was an infection.i managed through and within 2 -3 days I was in emergency room getting nerve block and immediately i was out of pain, i could open my eyes and everything. It's been weeks little sleep if any. If I sleep in a bed I wake up with a swollen and painful face, so I sleep in a recliner and seems to help. The pain radiates around my cheek, near the underside of my right eye, and my ear. I half like 50% capacity of hearing, and the tinnitus is driving me insane. I saw doctor bland less the a week after the surgery and she was in and out of the room in 30 seconds. She looked at extraction site and said it looked fine without listening to Me about the pain that I was having in my face, or ear . If my dog barks my ear hurts, sometime it feels like fluid other times clogged feeling, or a earache without the heat. I'm not a person to sue but this is ruining my life and my mental state, I feels like a dream. The surgeon will not see me what so ever. A different doctor in the office gave me a medrol pack, a good doctor. I'm hoping it fixes it but I doubt it. For context I've broken lots of bones, cut fingers off, and some other legit inquiries my pain tolerance is at least average. Any comments question or concerns would really be appreciated ty

December 29th I have a tooth extraction by doctor elisa bland in New Jersey. I know nothing of dentistry. Leaving the office I felt fine but was extremely numb. Within 12 hours things went down hill, the pain was unbearable, I almost felt as if I was going to passout. I began feeling Nauseous and began violently vomited uncontrollably. I thought it was an infection.i managed through and within 2 -3 days I was in emergency room getting nerve block and immediately i was out of pain, i could open my eyes and everything. It's been weeks little sleep if any. If I sleep in a bed I wake up with a swollen and painful face, so I sleep in a recliner and seems to help. The pain radiates around my cheek, near the underside of my right eye, and my ear. I half like 50% capacity of hearing, and the tinnitus is driving me insane. I saw doctor bland less the a week after the surgery and she was in and out of the room in 30 seconds. She looked at extraction site and said it looked fine without listening to Me about the pain that I was having in my face, or ear . If my dog barks my ear hurts, sometime it feels like fluid other times clogged feeling, or a earache without the heat. I'm not a person to sue but this is ruining my life and my mental state, I feels like a dream. The surgeon will not see me what so ever. A different doctor in the office gave me a medrol pack, a good doctor. I'm hoping it fixes it but I doubt it. For context I've broken lots of bones, cut fingers off, and some other legit inquiries my pain tolerance is at least average. Any comments question or concerns would really be appreciated ty

UPDATE: I told him that I need a little space right now until I feel better so that we can have a full conversation. I told him that I needed him as my partner to be someone I felt safe around and someone who is able to comfort and care for me, even when we are going through a difficult time. He gave me a real apology, and said that he didn’t realize how mean he was being until I laid it all out for him. When we have an in depth conversation, I’m going to bring up couples therapy as a solution. We are both going through a lot right now, and he needs to figure out a way to handle his stress. Thank you to everyone who gave kind, level-headed advice instead of attacking. I really do appreciate it.
EDIT: 1. My fiancé is not constantly mean to me. He is otherwise nice to me, will do things if I ask him, and is wonderful to be around. 2. He isn’t NEVER affectionate with me, just barely. He will give me a kiss on the forehead or cheek every once in a while. The affection I was referring to was more verbal and emotional affection (compliments, reassurance, etc). A lot of people seem to hear “affection” and immediately connect it to physical touch. 3. My daughter is out of town visiting family for her school break. She did not see or hear any of this. Something like this has never happened before. We refuse to have even a heated discussion with her in the house. He is not rude or mean to her, just had some trouble bonding at first because of issues with his father. 4. I wanted level-headed advice that considered both sides and wanted to make it clear that I wasn’t just looking for people to tell me to “dump his ass.” When I said “I’m not just going to leave him” it was to say that I’m not going to base a huge life decision on a Reddit thread. I was feeling lost and hurt due to this one ISOLATED incident and wanted to know if I was overreacting. 5. My insurance kicked in and I was able to go to urgent care. I have strep, an upper respiratory infection, and a double ear infection. The infection in my right ear was so severe that my eardrum perforated, which explains the bleeding. I was given steroids and antibiotics and I already feel a little better. Thank you for all of your concerns.
This is a long one, but I’m at such a loss. Also scared to post this a little but if he finds out, screw it. I don’t feel like things could really get worse right now. My (30F) fiancé (30M) and I have been together for about 4 and a half years. For a long time I truly believed he was the love of my life. I was the one who proposed to him a few months ago. We’ve had a lot of issues (mostly him refusing to be affectionate with me or make an effort to bond with my daughter). He hasn’t made good on his promises to be more affectionate but he has made more of an effort with my daughter. I was laid off in October and didn’t find a job until earlier this month. He had to get a loan from his boss and cover a lot of my half of expenses. I also got way behind on my car note and it was repoed. I did manage to get it back by getting a loan from a friend of ours, but money has been tight for a couple of months and it will continue to be for a while because of my recent illnesses. I have an immunodeficiency. At the beginning of December I got COVID. Right after I got over that I got the flu. Right after I got over that I got strep and a double ear infection, which is what I’m dealing with now. I do not have health insurance until New Year’s Day, so I’ve been trying to tough it out until then, but it has been excruciating. Ive vomited or had diarrhea every day for the past month. I’ve had a fever most days this month and it’s been at least 101 for the past 5 days. My throat is so sore and swollen that it is difficult to swallow anything. My head and neck hurt so much that I can barely lift my head. The stabbing pain in my ears was so bad that I barely slept for the past three nights and only after crying myself to sleep. Yesterday one of my ears started bleeding. The pain finally got so bad last night that I texted my fiance from the bed and asked him to take me to the hospital. His main concern was that I don’t have health insurance yet he couldn’t cover my half of rent again. I replied “Okay” then had to put my phone down because I was in blinding pain and had to just think about what I was gonna do. He stormed back to the bedroom, flung the door open, flipped the lights on and said “What does okay mean? I don’t know what that means. What? What do you want?” in an extremely aggressive tone. I was already crying from the pain, and I said (verbatim) “Do you think it’s fair if I ask you not to talk to me that way right now?” Which made him more angry. He said “I’m just tired of all of this (talking about me being sick)” He ended up turning the light off and storming back to the living room. I was crying even more then, and after a couple minutes he came back, made the same entrance, and said “Get your fucking shit on and let’s go then.” I asked him to please calm down and said that I wasn’t doing any of this on purpose and that I would get someone else to take me and he starts raising his voice saying “ITS 👏🏼 ABOUT 👏🏼 THE MONEY” He said “Do you really expect any of your friends to sit in the hospital with you all night? No one should have to do that” The whole time he was leaning down at me while I was lying there in the bed crying and in pain. Eventually I decided I would just tough it out because I didn’t want to make him more angry and he said “Oh I guess it’s not that bad then, HUH?” Eventually he did calm down and went to Walgreens to get me some earache drops (which didn’t work but that’s not his fault) He came into the room this morning holding one of our cats asking “do you want something to eat” I said no. “Do you want something to drink?” I said no. “Do you want to hold the cat?” I said “I want you to apologize for how you treated me last night” He said “Sorry” Literally just one word. I said “that’s all” He left the room. We haven’t talked all day. I don’t want to talk until I feel better because I know it will end in him yelling at me and I’m just too exhausted and still in pain. I also don’t even feel like he’s that sorry or I wouldn’t have had to ask for him to give me a one-word apology. When he was being nasty to me while I was literally already crying and sick and hurting something changed in my brain. I’m borderline disgusted. That’s not how a person should treat their partner when they’re ill or hurting. I would never even think to talk to him that way if the tables were turned. It’s like I saw a glimpse of the rest of my life with him and what I saw was miserable. Especially since he already stopped being affectionate with me 3 years ago and keeps ditching his promise to do better. I know that I’ve been the root of our stressful financial situation and I previously apologized to him for being such a burden because I know I have been lately. Am I overreacting? I’m not going to leave my fiance just because of advice from strangers on the internet, but I just feel like I’m going crazy and I need advice from people who aren’t close to the situation.

My son (turned 2 in September) has an earache and needs antibiotics. Every time I try, he gets so upset that he vomits. It’s horrible. I called the pediatrician and they gave him a different antibiotic that he can take less of, but I can’t get any in him. Anyone have any tips? I feel terrible that he is getting so upset but he needs the antibiotics.

Hello all. Working at a 6weeks-5 years center for the first time in my life after a very secluded lab job. I absolutely love it, but have been horrendously sick since starting in early September. Literally every single day. Symptoms come and go, sore throat, earache, vomiting, diarrhea, ocular migraines, heavy mucus cough for about a month now.I caught covid and was almost hospitalized in October. I currently have conjunctivitis, a bad sinus infection, an upper respiratory infection, and full body chills and the antibiotics are doing nothing despite never abusing them. Of course I can't afford to take time off, my body is never recovering before another bad infection. I know illness is expected with this job, but I can feel myself getting weaker. I've lost 17 pounds.
Does anyone have any tips? This is impacting my ability to care for children. I wash my hands probably 35 times a day, sanitize all areas religiously, check children for sick symptoms, and so many ill children are constantly around me that it doesn't matter. I've tried wearing a mask but vomit from overheating. I'm getting concerned I am doing serious damage to my body.

I 20F have been struggling for the last few months with a sinus infection that keeps coming back and has now spread to my chest. I’ve always struggled with my sinuses, and have taken antihistamines for years and was using a steroid nasal spray for a while too. However, over the last few months my symptoms have been getting progressively worse and worse and it was clear it wasn’t getting better on its own. I went to my GP and they gave me a weeks course of amoxicillin about three months ago, which helped ease the symptoms for a short while but they soon returned. I was then given a second course of amoxicillin on the 8th of September, again for a week, but my symptoms didn’t really ease and once the course was over they got worse again. I went back to the GP for a third time on the 27th September and was given another course of antibiotics, this time Doxycycline for a two-week course. I was taking the doxycycline up until yesterday, so I only took 6 of 14 days. I was vomiting uncontrollably after every dose well within an hour of taking the doxycycline, they have now given me a different antibiotic and stopped the doxycycline. As of today I’ve started taking Clarithromycin 500mg twice a day, which seems to be a high dose according to the leaflet. This is a two week course.
I’m very worried about how many antibiotics I’ve been given recently. Up until the first dose three months ago, I had maybe only taken antibiotics around 5 times in my life throughout my childhood so I’ve almost had that same amount in the last year alone. My symptoms are awful, I’m coughing and wheezing constantly, my nose is running all the time and I’m getting headaches and earache all the time. It’s been a miserable few months. Those close to me have also said my face looks swollen. I also have a very raised lymph node on the left hand side of my neck which has neither gone up nor down from the time I noticed it in January this year. It was seen by ENT who told me it was just a reactive lymph node and nothing to worry about. Other health issues: I am more or less healthy other than these issues. I used to have fainting spells quite frequently in my teens however not so much now, and I have migraines multiple times a month which I take 30mg of amitriptyline for a night. Any advice would be highly appreciated.

My family has went to the same practice starting with my grandmother as a young lady. Eventually doc had to retire as he is getting older. He trained a nurse practitioner alongside him for 10+ years, with doc running things behind the scenes after “retiring”. He’s since retired completely and there are a couple of nurse practitioner’s that work in the office now including the one he trained. Let’s call her Karen for today. I love Karen and have always trusted her. She’s very knowledgeable and actually listens to you. Over the last couple of years she’s become a little rough and tough but what healthcare worker hasn’t? I am a nurse myself and she’s known me my entire life basically. I don’t go to the doctor too often as I’m generally pretty healthy. I have some female issues and have been diagnosed with diverticulosis. This combo makes it hard for me to know where the pain is actually coming from at times. Three years ago I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD, by a licensed psychiatrist. I didn’t believe it at first and don’t talk about it much as people don’t generally take it well. Usually they don’t believe someone like me could have Autism.
Fast forward to Monday and I wake up a little dizzy, fevers, chills, just feeling terrible. I rarely don’t get out of bed. I have to be very sick and people know when I’m down, I’m really down bad. I nursed myself the best I could and kept hydrated. Was vomiting, and sweating so bad my sheets were drenched multiple times. Couldn’t hold food down. Only other symptom was a flare up of this lower left abdominal pain and an earache. I’d been swimming several times over the weekend and figured I’d got water in my ear and now it’s infected. My nursing knowledge told me probably an ear infection or maybe diverticulitis flare up again. I went to the urgent care Monday night as I couldn’t hold fluids down anymore. They couldn’t find anything wrong and said there’s a stomach virus going around. Gave me some Zofran. I had already made an appointment with my regular NP for today to follow up on this abdominal pain.
Arrived at the office on time and only one car in the lot. Thought should be good to get in and out which is what usually happens. I’ve often narrowed down symptoms and it’s easy breezy visit. Today I waited two hours. Thought that was off but whatever, no biggie. She’s usually bubbly and you can hear her greet other patients as she enters their room. Didn’t hear that today either. Finally she comes in and I begin to explain my symptoms. I start to say I have a couple things going on and I’m not sure which is causing the fevers. She had such a flat affect today. She stopped me and said tell me the main reason you’re here, top one or two, that’s the best I’ve got and best anyone will have to offer you. Because of my autism I struggle to understand sarcasm and jokes. Assumed she was kidding. She briefly checked me out, didn’t listen and continued to rush the visit along. She ask me to show her where the abdominal pain was. I kept having to ask clarification questions because she was being so short. These are a few examples of what she said to me. She told me it was in my head. It’s anxiety. Said I know your mom died when you were a child and said to stop playing the victim. She said I can tell by the look on your face you’re not being receptive to what I’m saying. She said just because you work with cancer pts all day doesn’t mean you have cancer. She said you’re just gonna have to make another appt I don’t have time for all these questions today. I was only responding to what she was saying. Told me to stay off google that it makes me worry. Told me I know your sister is sick but you’re not a sick person. She said it’s hard to help people who don’t want to help themselves. Told me you communicate just fine with your daughter. You don’t just have social problems with one person and not others. Said I have one of the easiest nursing jobs there is and I shouldn’t have trouble coping. I’m a hospice nurse. My husband and I have had some troubles lately and she said she said, it’s not like he hits you. I didn’t ever say he did! She was jumping from subject to subject so quickly. She even clapped her hands and kept putting them on her forehead like she was praying. I said I’m sorry this ain’t in my head. I can’t make up fevers. She said no, but why are you telling people you have Autism??
I began to cry as she continued. Eventually turning into an ugly cry. She looked me dead in the eyes and said all of this to me. No remorse whatsoever. I let her finish because I was honestly frozen in such shock. She basically called me a total hypochondriac. No one else was in the room with me. I trusted this woman. I’m still in shock, and still sick. I don’t know what provoked this.
Late last night I reached out to someone in her family and they told me they’re very concerned because something is wrong with her. Said the business is failing and people are leaving the practice. They mentioned thinking she has dementia. I’m concerned what she’s going to put about me in my medical record. I am so hurt and still don’t understand what provoked this. Does she really have dementia? Is that why? Am I really all those things she said?? Struggling to process this.

It's been two and a half years since I blocked both of my parents' cell phone numbers. In retrospect, I think that my story reveals a lot of the core experience of dealing with shitty parents. I think most members of this subreddit will find something they can identify with. As best I can, I'm going to try and turn my life into a sort of exhibit that maps out the many choices I made and the heap of shit I endured.
If you stop here, or at any point along the way because it gets too intense or your phone dies, just know that I don't regret cutting my parents off. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I won't unblock them any time soon. I think more people should just give up on parents who refuse to be anything but toxic and cruel 24/7. I understand, though, that we aren't all in the positions I've found myself in. I'm very lucky my parents have no money to manipulate me with.
There is a blanket trigger warning for depictions of most forms of child abuse and neglect, bullying, mental illness, and suicidal ideation. There is also a person in my life who did complete their self-destructive act and has passed away. I might go into some severe illnesses and injuries that myself or my family members have endured. I will do my best to talk about these events without graphic detail and even if possible to stay lighthearted, but if you are in a sensitive place (such as any emotional crisis, coming off a panic attack or hypersensitivity meltdown, or feeling suicidal yourself) this really is not the post to read. If you are in a rough place and looking for hope, I believe it can be found here. If you're looking for heaps of tea and family drama, you're exactly where you need to be. Hope and gossip are my motives.
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Chapters 1-7
Mostly, I don't remember my earliest years myself. I remember them as other people described them to me. I know that I was a particular child who still doesn't understand figures of speech she's not familiar with. I know I have always had an intense personality. I once angrily denounced a singer-songwriter as blasphemous for calling Jesus a lamb because I was unfamiliar with the metaphor. I glared daggers at men I wasn't comfortable with or just sometimes at any picture camera pointed at me... all of this melodrama before the age of three.
I had one single aunt that I favored. From the ages of 3-7, I loved going to sleepover at her house. She would tuck me into the guest bedroom's gigantic bed and put on my favorite movie, which was the 1998 version of Godzilla, every single time. In the morning I would eat grits with eggs and then I would go home.
Once my little sister (who we'll call #2 because she is the second kid) started coming along, I was annoyed. She wanted to watch other renditions of Godzilla, she wanted to eat food that wasn't grits and eggs, and sometimes she would CRY because Godzilla SCARED her. This was unacceptable to me. A perfectly happy evening disrupted by crying and non-godzilla content.
I cannot ever remember a time as children where we got along. She was quite a bit stronger than me, and she was usually angry. Her athletic build is something my mom attributes to the amount of spinach juice she drank while pregnant. #2 liked punching and biting me, especially biting. She once threw a dollhouse at my head and it landed on my eyelid. I still have the scar. It's the only time I remember ever being happy that a sibling of mine got spanked. And it still feels insane to have been happy it happened. I'm not organically a physical outburst sort of person. A taste for violence has slowly grown on me the way ivy corrupts the structural integrity of a house over many years.
I also look back on signs of parental abuse and neglect that were already there so early in my life. I once told one of my mom's friends that I really liked her and that I wished she were my mother instead. That shocked her, and she told my mom. I was asked multiple times why that was the case, and like many children who can't quite articulate why they are unhappy, I just shrugged.
Sometimes I would be given a full sized bag of snacks and instead of eating a portion, I ate the entire bag all at once. This was explained to me as very impolite and I was directed to apologize. No one portioned my snacks or asked why I was so hungry. At home, I ate things that weren't meant to be eaten. Styrofoam bits, packaging peanuts, plastic food from my plastic kitchen set, and expired medication I found in the fridge. I want to say that I never got sick, but I probably did and just couldn't connect the dots. I puked a lot in my early years, and that's not even the main reason why.
There are two primary reasons why I was vomiting so often as a child. First and foremost was my inconsistent exposure to other children and the lack of vaccines in my system. I was homeschooled "from birth" and only saw other children at "church" or the odd co-op. You might have caught that I placed "church" in quotations. It's because we attended two Christianized cults over the course of my childhood, and perhaps only one real church. More on that later.
The viral load my immune system was given on a daily basis remained in perfect stasis or was doused in pathogens in my single weekly exposure to every germ. I caught almost everything that ever went around, including LOTS of ringworm, pink eye, ear aches, and flu. I once contracted ringworm on my scalp. It caused me to shed lots and lots of hair. Have you ever had to put Blue Star on your bleeding scalp? It's pure agony.
If you're wondering why we weren't vaccinated to prevent all this. #2 once developed some swelling in her face and neck after a vaccine. That was the end of any of my mother's children receiving any vaccines. I don't think she ever believed they caused autism, although that seems to be a very prevalent belief among other moms. She thinks they kill babies in their sleep and lead to dementia. Also, in her mind, eating beef and pork also lead to dementia. So we were vegetarians.
The second reason we threw up so much came from all the powders, "shakes," juices, chewable tablets, and oils my parents put in/on my body. Perhaps the most notorious of these was a product called BarleyGreen. It was exactly what it sounds like; pure barley powder. I hated the shit. It had a revolting taste. My mother would blend it into soymilk and make my sister and I drink it. I threw that up almost every single time I drank it, and I got yelled at or even spanked for throwing it up. I tried to take it in pill form, but my throat was literally too small for the large pills this barley shit came in and I threw the pills up too. #2 could sometimes keep down the powder, but she 100% threw up the thick pills. Anyone who threw up got spanked.
I'll tell you something now so that it's not unclear how I stand. I think my mother is a fucking idiot. If you force-feed your children a substance that neither of them can keep in their stomachs, why is your reaction to fucking spank them? I never stuck my fingers down my throat. Vomit is an autonomous response. No one can completely control when and where they do that. I'll tell you why my mom chose to hit her kids when they threw up; anybody and pretty much everybody in the alternative health industry could delude her into thinking any unregulated product was the next cure to cancer and just as good as any vaccine. And she thought we were choosing to cry hysterically until we puked. She hasn't become any more intelligent over time, I'll warn you now. This is already a long post and I think I'll have to make a part 2 to this.
I would cry, bargain, beg, and flinch away from this grass drink, and we would spend hours in the kitchen - my mother, sister, and I - with her unreasonable demand that we consume and retain this icky shit because it was dinner. And we would vomit it up, get hit, then go to bed. Rinse and repeat every single day. And I think that's a fraction of why I was so hungry.
BarleyGreen was the worst product out of all the shit that was peddled to my mother over time. I wonder if she has some form of addiction to these alt health products. Over the course of my life, she has peddled at least ten of these to her ever shrinking circle of family and friends. We discovered we had distant relatives in the Netherlands once. I think I'm technically a second aunt. We were really excited to hopefully develop a relationship with these people, maybe even visit. One of my maternal great-uncles caught wind that we were talking to them, however, and told the family that my mom was more or less a shill who would try to manipulate money out of them. It's not a lie, but the consequence is that I never got to form my own relationship with these people. They stopped speaking to us. Now I can't even remember their names.
The bullshit my mom would try and force people to buy at the cost of her own social life was almost always locked up in a multi-level-marketing scheme and therefore incredibly overpriced. She peddled Spirulina (blue algae), BarleyGreen (barley grass powder), BioChoice (milkshake??), Immune 26 (get a load of this it's: egg powder from chickens vaccinated against human viruses...the logic is soooo close), JuicePlus (fruits and vegetables compressed into tablets), MonaVie (acai berry juice at wine bottle prices), Isagenix (exotic fruit punch inducing rapid weight loss), Young Living AND DoTerra (oils), and some company that I'm not sure even had a product. It was called Legacy4Life. You know how young men will go on overpriced retreats where they torture themselves to try and learn how to become venture capitalists with no money? It was like that, but not gendered or violent. Just McMansion hype. Hours of recorded tapes and CDs of hype lectures and "prophetic words" declaring financial success for people who, to this day, aren't financially successful for many reasons... but dumping money into McMansion hype seminars didn't help.
This era of my life is defined by illness. I once woke up from a nap screaming because my head hurt so badly. I've had fevers so high I became delirious and poured water from a cup onto my lap or repeated the same word for hours. I determined once that I had a throat infection by spitting into a cup and watching my saliva form tendrils that stretched down to the bottom of the glass. I am the only person I know who can actually figure out what might be going on with me using WebMD (you just throw out the 5 worst case scenarios).
I threw up at least once or twice a week, sometimes just randomly even though I wasn't being force-fed in the moment. I developed an aversion to cereal because I would pour myself too much, not eat it quickly enough, and then want to pour it out. It's wasteful, I get it, but here's a question: Why weren't we helping me portion my meals? Wasn't I supervised? ((N O)). Despite not overseeing the amount of cereal I would pour for myself, my mom would materialize to force me to eat incredibly soggy cereal several moments later, which I would cry and puke about until I got spanked for wasting food again. So I eventually started cooking (undercooking) eggs by myself and cutting oranges open with house scissors. My elbows were pitted with minor burn marks for several years. I had to stand or kneel on a chair to cook.
When neither of us girls were sick or injured, my mother was sleeping. She slept very late into the day and also took long naps. My sister and I usually had our small apartment to ourselves if we weren't restrained, and we fucked shit UP. I will say that I don't judge my parents for being poor and I don't ascribe their poverty to laziness. My mother periodically worked night shifts until she was struck on the head by a falling box at UPS and they refused to pay her workman's comp claim...coming up with a bullshit reason to fire her not too long after. I'm not sure if this is why she got migraines from time to time. Given the nightmare details my mother later shared with me about her childhood, she was definitely depressed. I don't lack pity for my mom. I don't think she had ever been shown examples of good parenting. But she didn't try beyond what she presupposed was right, either, because she is a classic narcissist and never does anything wrong. Good intentions make you innocent, too. /S
Therefore I have mixed feelings about the things my mother would try to keep us out of trouble while she was asleep. Sometimes our mom would buckle one of us into the high chair and then leave us to eat unattended. Luckily no one choked, although my mom finds it "funny" that she once recorded my sister bawling at maybe 18 months (1.5yo) old for 25 minutes straight. She also found it "funny" that my skinny ass wriggled out of that same high chair, getting grits stuck to my feet in the process, and began walking around the house grinding white mush into our extremely 90s green carpet.
She did not find it "funny" when I grabbed the house scissors and cut the mesh out of my sister's playpen, which had a lid on it so she couldn't crawl out because she already had. I did it because my sister would cry continually. Mom never woke up to give us food or anything. We went the entire afternoon sat in front of the television while she slept. So I let her out and she got into the 90s hair grease that black women use. She smeared most of it on our mom's head before Mom finally woke up. She wept that time, bemoaning that she'd never get to sleep again. The same woman I asked to be my mother instead of my real mom was an upholstery seamstress and she fixed it, re-imprisoning my sister. I was spanked hard enough that I didn't reattempt to free my sister no matter how long we were left to just cry by ourselves, usually in front of a television. We sat together for hours, just staring at television. Mostly this was PBS Kids and Sesame Street. When my sister learned how to use the remote, she discovered Jerry Springer very quickly.
These memories form the basis of one of my core assumptions about my mother. There's something she enjoys about the process of exerting extreme discomfort and even pain over her own children. I remember the first time I became truly aware that you can laugh at a person rather than a joke. It was while both of my parents were laughing at me. They swore up and down they weren't, but they couldn't stop laughing long enough to get the sentence out. I burst into tears.
There are many other troubling memories from this period of time that I could go into. Such as when my dad would forget that I was recovering from an ear infection (I got those a lot). I was temporarily deaf when these were resolving.
My mother didn't like antibiotics because they "ruined the gut biome," so she would argue with the anti-vaxx doctor she started taking us to over this. Let's stop for a second and really reflect on this woman being too radical for a doctor that decided he didn't want to vaccinate children. Sometimes he would convince her to follow the antibiotics up with yogurt, but we had to be really, really sick for her to do that.
Usually, she'd try to get us to drink Immune26 and heat an essential oil in a microwaveable cup and keep it near us. That's...not the same as diffusion. And while the Immune26 actually seemed to provide some benefit, the oils being hot were... just hot. Sometimes they'd have me lay my ear over the cup. That didn't do anything either. So I just sat with the ear equivalent of a migraine and wailed for 1-2 days. And then I was deaf for about 24 hours. It sounded like the television was on but at a low volume, but otherwise I couldn't hear shit.
Without fail, despite the fact that I never ignored any parent who called my name (when I HEARD it), after these earaches my dad would assume that I was ignoring him and prepare to spank me. Sometimes he would lash the belt across my mattress. I would scurry to the corner of my bunk bed and scream my head off. My mom would actually intervene here, reminding him for the 17th or 34th or 96th time that I couldn't fucking hear him...he's not bright either. Perhaps that's why she doesn't like him.
Speaking again to my mother's appetite for emotional sadism, she liked to pull "pranks" to test our resolve. Once when I was barely 2 years old she pretended to fall to the ground and choke until she was unconscious. Just to see how I'd react. I picked up the phone and began to call the police. Perhaps the worst of these was after she'd left the house to do laundry. This was before laundry was a pair of machines in the home, it was instead a small room full of machines operated by quarters... Even though I am technically Gen Z I suppose this ages me a bit. Anyway, she then pretended to be a strange man to test whether we would listen to her obsessive and continual stranger danger training (she was OBSESSED with stranger danger). She did this by banging loudly on the door and demanding in a strange accent to be let in. I had just so happened to have been playing with my sister's car seat and locked myself in. It's not designed to be unlocked by the child inside of it so that wasn't working. #2 claims to this day that she knew it was really our Mom. I didn't think so, and was screaming at her not to open the door. She did it the fuck anyway, and I bawled my eyes out even after it was revealed to be our mom the whole time.
This era could also be defined by my default emotional response to anything overwhelming - shrill screaming. I screamed when my sister bit me, although one time I didn't and my mom gave me a cookie for staying quiet while I got bit and punched so she could continue her nap.
I screamed at the violent Florida thunderstorms if they scared me while I helped carry groceries in from the parking lot. I screamed at the dog downstairs in the apartment below us who had been trained by his owner to chase and bite black children. I screamed when banana spiders crawled out from under the couch or when wasps snuck inside. I screamed after puking. I screamed at my math homework (I had to repeat multiplication tables four times. Did my mother consider there might be a problem there, some kind of delayed learning? No).
I screamed at the scary bits of goofy movies (you had to be all scary or all goofy, I could not handle change). I screamed at my very first (of four consecutive) hurricanes. It was hurricane Charlie, and my stupid mother was driving through it to a friend's house. I watched traffic lights fall over. I screamed when my parents made me and #2 watch the Titanic at 6 and 4 years old (it is NOT a children's movie) and I watched Jack freeze to death. I screamed at the Little House and the Prairie episode where someone burns to death. I screamed at the frequent nightmares I developed at some point. It's probably all of these experiences combined that gave me those nightmares. They haven't stopped.
The first phase of my life concluded with my mother's third pregnancy. It was early January in 2003, and I was so excited to find out I'd be a big sister again that I couldn't sleep after. Not that we ever really had a regular sleep schedule. Our active hours were usually 2pm to 4am if we weren't due at church or co-op. I spent most of my childhood evenings reading the same books over and over again. I would stuff a towel under my bedroom door so it looked like the bedroom light wasn't on. That didn't always work. Sometimes I stayed up all night and well into the next day. I didn't know that this is considered nightmare avoidance, I just knew I preferred reading over sleeping. I read very well for my age. I read the back of a Walmart vest "Our People Make The Difference" when I was three years old.
It's not my earliest memory or my happiest, but it is the first memory of my mother being proud of me. She mostly complained about #2 and I. She would tell us we were too messy and we got into shit while she was sleeping. She'd tell us we made her so frustrated she cried herself to sleep. She once got so angry with us that she took every single one of our toys, threw them into a garbage bag, and locked them in the patio shed for over a year. It was because we never cleaned our rooms or made our beds. As directed to by my mother, I blamed myself for being a bad child. I determined to change for the better by the time my new sister came along. I pulled it off, but in a super mentally ill way.
And I've got to stop here. I didn't realize how much I actually remembered about my early childhood. I will try to be much more succinct when I follow up with a part two, but there's so much detail in the beginning of my life that has consequences down the line. I also haven't eaten and it'll be time for my roommates and I to order sushi soon.
In the meantime, I want to know if any of you recognize the MLMs my mother was in. I think most of them except for Isagenix and the oils have gone bankrupt or something by now. I'll also list the shows we watched to see how many of you watched them as well: Wishbone (my first favorite even though I remember nothing), Sagwa the Chinese-Siamese Cat, Between the Lions, Reading Rainbow, Zoboomafoo, Little Bill, Sesame Street, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, Star Trek The Next Generation, and of course the Antique Roadshow. We had a television blacklist as well, where our mom would wake up and turn the TV off if she overheard it (she had remarkable hearing at select times, just not when we were crying): Dragontales (witchcraft), Barney (annoying), Caillou (whiny), and Arthur (DW was too bitchy).
Thanks for reading this absolute mess? I can't quite delete it because I've come so far, but I can't make it smaller either. See you in part 2.

Male, 8 uk
History of Allergies and asthma, uses inhaler twice a day. Currently on amoxicillin for ear infection.
Last week, my son was complaining of earache after school and within 3 hours he was sobbing in pain. 4 hours at urgent care(8-midnight) and they diagnosed him with an ear Infection. Said they can see a bit of it behind his ear drum but lots of wax in the way. We came home and my son vomited. He slept in my bed so I could keep an eye on him. He woke me my up around 4 am saying his ear still hurts but the pressure has gone and he went back to sleep.
My son woke up in the morning with Reddy brown discharge all over his ear and down his neck. We went back to urgent care but I couldn't go due to waiting in for workmen. My husband took him and they saw him straight away. He vomited again on the way there. He said the nurse said it was discharge from his ear and to carry on the antibiotics he was given. Never elaborated if it was perforated or not.
Went to see the GP today (6 days since urgent care) to see if he had perforated his eardrum. I explained everything from the past week and the Dr looked in his ear. He said he doesn't think it is discharge as it would be more green than red ( I had a picture of it on my phone) and that it his ear canal is still very blocked up from wax. He stated that his eardrum could be perforated but he can't actually see it due to the wax. I asked if there is anything I can do to get rid of the wax, to which he said no as you can't put anything in incase it is perforated.he also said to not get water in his ear and not use cotton buds to try and get the wax out
I'm a bit stuck as we're going on holiday at the end of August and a big part of it is water parks. He said not to go swimming at all, which I'm devastated as my son can spend all day in the water swimming. Is there anything I can do before we go away to officially confirm if it is or isn't perforated?
Thank you, I just feel a bit lost and going round in circles!