This is the question I have been asking myself for going on 5 days now. A little context…I quit smoking tobacco and weed cold turkey a few days ago (about 5 days now) due to a sudden feeling of ANXIETY and feeling that i was about to have a fucking heart attack ! My heart felt like it sank to my stomach and i began to notice every single thing about my body from the sounds my stomach makes, my pulse beating as well as my heart beat. I checked my pulse with my apple watch and my heart rate was about 143, with deep breathing exercises i got it down to about 95-100. But every since that night I have paid close attention to every little feeling in my body such as minor back aches, elbow feeling weird, burping alot, this feeling that somethings in my throat and so much more. At this point I’m beginning to feel consumed with all of this. And guess what ! I still don’t know if it’s a heart attack ! I also have this small headaches that just go away. Can anyone please help, hopefully I am not the only one who has experienced this.

FTM, LO is 6 weeks this week. Breast feeding was an immense struggle for the first 4 weeks. LO’s latch was really shallow, ties have been ruled out by multiple LC’s and pediatricians. She just had to get a little bigger. She’s great on my right side, no pain at all. Left side is still a bit painful, which is the side I’m currently experiencing this pain.
It’s like a terrible ache on the outer side of my breast. It usually happens just one or the other, but last week it was both at the same time and it was terrible. It’s not necessarily a particular spot which makes me think it isn’t a clog? It feels like deep muscle pain. Laying down is very painful, if I lay on the side that hurts, it feels crushed and painful. If I lay on the opposite side, the pulling of that breast to the opposite side of my body is also very painful.
No fever or chills or anything like that. I basically just ice, heat, and massage until it goes away. Takes about a day if I’m consistent with that stuff. What the heck is this? How can I avoid it? I’ll go several days of not having any pain (apart from the nipple that her latch is still weird) and feeling like I finally have a handle on breastfeeding and then it happens again and I feel very discouraged. :(

Not sure what is going on with me. Ever since yesterday (Monday) evening, I have felt tightness in my chest when I breathe deeply. It wasn’t super noticeable until this morning. It did wake me up once in the night. Since this morning, I feel like I can’t breathe deeply and my lungs ache in my upper chest when I do , I am a bit short of breath, I have aches in my head, neck, and shoulders, slight cough when it feels like my breath is taken away, and I now have a fever (peaked at 102). I went to my doctor and had a negative COVID test, negative flu test, negative xray for pneumonia, and the ct scan showed no pneumonia or blood clot. My doctor is saying she suspects a viral infection but the chest tightness/lunch ache seems like a weird symptom of a virus.
Back story is I had my surgery may 1st and recovery went well. I used a brand new cool mist humidifier every night and most days. At night I will note that the humidifier would fog out my whole room to the point where it was visible. I was not warned by my ENT about pneumonia risk. I rested/laid down elevated majority of my recovery. I did get up periodically but did not know I should make a point of it.
Any advice???

The shadow reared up and inhaled deeply, a loud rush of air into a giant bellows.
The light from Hadrian’s aura sparked off the creature’s jet-black scales and burned back the darkness so that a soft, nimbus glow revealed the dusty throne room of a long-dead mountain fortress.
He knew his Aura wasn’t enough to defeat the mighty dragon or even to harm it. But the sting of its touch would provide a distraction, sap a portion of the dragon's power to defend against the light.
He smiled behind his visor. Wherever there was darkness, he would bring the light. This was his oath.
The dragon’s head reached nearly to the ceiling atop a long sinuous neck, thick as a tree, and covered in armored scales the color of midnight and stronger than steel. The creature’s body curved behind it, vast and muscled, covered in the same black scales and leathery wings folded at its sides. Shiny black talons like curved longswords dug deep ruts into the stone floor. The dragon was a terrifying sight to behold, power-given flesh. Any other man would have trembled at the sight of it, lost his bowels to fear and his mind to madness. But Hadrian was no ordinary man. He was a Paladin of the White Rose, armored in his faith and blessed by his god. He traveled the land, hunting out the dark. That meant evil trembled before him.
The dragon probed the defenses shielding Hadrian’s mind from psionic attacks. He felt this as a slight pressure in his thoughts, the featherlight touch of falling gossamer. Then it was gone—repelled by the strength of his mental wards.
The dragon roared its fury.
Hadrian stood tall before Xegotargetol, the mightiest of the shadow dragons.
Slowly, he drew Dawnstar from its sheath and held it aloft, paying homage to his god. The sword gleamed like polished silver, double-edged and etched down both sides of the blade with intricate runes of power. In his other hand, he held Smite, a mighty tower shield the color of ivory and traced with shimmering runes. A gift from High Priest Adleson for the head of an ancient and terrible scourge.
“Fool!” Xegotargetol’s voice was a crash of thunder. Chunks of masonry fell from the ceiling. Dust drifted down. “You think to match your feeble power against mine?” Xegotargetol’s eyes glowed terribly in the dark, livid with crimson rage.
The air around Hadrian began to tingle, and the hairs on his arms under his armor stirred, like in the moments before a lightning strike.
Hadrian lifted his shield.
A bolt of crackling power thundered from the dragon’s maw, arcing and clawing toward him with murderous exaltation.
Hadrian muttered a word of power. Runes glowed to life on Smite.
He caught the lightning on his shield, and the metal heels of his burnished sabatons screeched sparks on the stone as he was pushed back. Ozone filled the air, and the roaring snap and crack of the lightning drowned out the dragon’s laughter. “You will not defeat me, foolish human!”
Hadrian clenched his teeth, muscles aflame, and with trembling effort, crossed his blade over the place where the lightning writhed on the face of his shield. There was a loud clap and a mighty roar, and Hadrian stumbled forward a step as the force pressing against him abruptly vanished.
Smoke rose from his shield. He peered over it, sword held at the ready.
Wisps rose from the dragon’s scales, dull and charred.
“Clever trick,” Xegotargetol growled out the words. “But it will not save you.”
Power gathered around the dragon until the air shimmered. “Behold, I am unleashed! Be gone, fool human!” The dragon reared back and snapped its maw forward like the tail on the end of a whip. A sphere of smoldering darkness streaked toward Hadrian.
He muttered a prayer to his god and braced his shield for the impact.
Darkness enveloped him.
Not the kind of utter blackness you’d find at the bottom of a grave, but a flickering, seething murk that carried him away on a flood of rapids. He clutched his shield close and his sword closer. On and on, he tumbled and spun, dashed among the inky waves until a bright speck appeared in the distance, growing in size with each heartbeat.
A moment later, Hadrian clattered out of the light onto hard ground, rolling and skidding to a stop. He lay there for a long moment, breathless and bruised, his mind reeling with all that had happened.
You were a fool ever to think you could defeat me. The words came as a fading whisper in his mind.
He rolled over and pushed himself up on hands and knees, and froze.
The ground was made of dark metal, and the air carried a blend of strange scents and dizzying sounds. Strangefolk in strange attire gathered around him, murmuring in words he could not understand. They held small devices that emitted a dot of light and wore art painted on their bare arms and shoulders. Evil spawn.
Hadrian rose to his feet, sword and shield at the ready. He turned slowly in place, studying the people as anxiety swelled in his heart. Massive buildings of exotic design surrounded him, soaring to disappear high into the sky. Lights in every color imaginable blinded him, blared strange music and jumping pictures. Strange beasts roared past in the air. But the strangest thing of all was the moon, or rather, that there were two of them, one half the size of the other; both glowing a pale, hazy blue.
What abyss is this? Realization struck. Xegotargetol could not breach his defenses, so the dragon had teleported him to this place.
Then, a familiar sight snagged his eye. He stopped, staring at a reflection.
It was him, standing in his armor, silver plate inlaid with ivory and bronze, fancy traceries running up and down his arms and over his chest. There could be no mistake. But it wasn’t a reflection, was it? This was something else, some kind of apparition. A magic projection contained within a wide rectangular simulacrum taller than his father’s inn.
He took in his surroundings, dread building to a boil.
This was not Aeterna or any place he’d ever heard of. This was some kind of hell, a decaying abyss full of madmen and fevered dreams. This was his nightmare made reality.
A metal dragon covered in flashing lights roared down out of the sky. It screamed words at him he did not understand.
I warned you, fool.
Hadrian firmed his jaw and hefted his sword. Time to cleanse this place.

I had my first ever syncope episode a couple of months ago (in the middle of a shop on my break, embarrassingly!) and it was such a strange experience. I had the symptoms a lot of people talk about like blurry vision, stumbling and ears ringing etc before fainting , apparently with seizure like effects. Apparently I was confused and talking nonsense for a few minutes before I properly ‘woke up’ and realised I was bruised up and sat on the floor with ambulance staff trying to speak to me.
It was a relief to find out it wasn’t anything serious (dehydration related I think), but was such a weird experience and I had full body aches for a few days after.
At 26 y/o this is the first time this has happened to me, which is surprising because I’ve never had this happen, even while sick or hungover, and I felt normal up until it happened. No known health issues either that would relate to this.
Was anyone else’s experience similar?

24, female
Symptoms: body aches, mainly leg pain, most severe in the hips. Locking sensation in hips. Fatigue. Sun sensitivity. Weakness. Brain fog. Heart palpitations. Chest pain. Swollen hands and ankles. Numbness and tingling in hands and feet, very cold. Muscle spasms. A couple weeks ago, my hips hurt so bad that I almost cried just from being lightly touched
Diagnosed with lyme disease when I was little, but now the doctor says my blood tests indicate that I've never had lyme disease. When I was diagnosed with lyme disease, i was about 9 years old and I was in so much pain that I couldn't walk. It was the worst pain in my life. Growing up I always complained of pain, mainly in my legs and back but my family said it was growing pains. I've also always needed 10-12 hours of sleep and even then I'm still exhausted.
ANA 1:40 titer, A-27 pattern
Mutate Citrullinated Vimentin: 75 u/mL
CCP antibody: <16 units
CRP: <3 mg/L
RA latex turbid: <14 IU/mL
Sed rate: 12 mm/hr
They also tested me for a lot of lupus specific antibodies and all those came up negative. My mom has fibromyalgia, my sister has type 1 diabetes and hashimotos. My cousin and my great-great grandma both have/had rheumatoid arthritis.
I have had MRI w/o contrast and Xrays done about 2 years ago and nothing bad showed up.
I have been having problems for a long time. Any opinions or advice appreciated

i think i have the flu.. not sure. I started feeling sick last thursday with a tickle in my throat and had a fever by the nighttime. fever stuck on and off for 2 days with severe aches, chills, sweats, heart racing. day 3 i got a full blown head cold with blocked nose, pressure headaches, ears plugged. i’m on day 6 and i still have pressure headache.. nose is less stuffy but still a ton of post nasal drip. i feel absolutely exhausted no matter how much i sleep. i feel weak, shaky, nauseous all day long. to the point i don’t think i could walk any real distance.. started coughing like no tomorrow this morning, hardly getting anything up but a little bit. it feels so…. gross to breathe in my windpipes. i don’t know how to describe it. i’m starting to get a bit worried at how ill i feel for the 6th day though. Is this normal?

I have been on Mounjaro and then Zepbound since Aug 2022. I lost 50 lbs 22% of my body weight. I was in maintenance mode on 10mg. In Feb 2024, I got really sick with the flu and pneumonia and was off for almost 4 weeks. I took 3 rounds of antibiotics and a burst dose of prednisone. Then went back on to 10mg. Since then it is like the medication has completely stopped working for me. Over two months I gained 10 lbs despite keeping my calories and diet the same. The food noise and cravings are there with no satiety. I moved up a dose. I do Pilates 3x week and walk and exercise 3-4x week. Nothing! My doctor is an Osteopath and said she can feel the inflammation returning to my tissue. All my aches and pains are back. It’s so alarming. Anyone else experience this? My doctor suggested taking a hiatus to let my receptors and body reset but Im terrified of the inflammation and weight gain. I was insulin resistant with an A1C of 5.4 when I started. Down to 4.8 after weight loss. Now at 5.0. My blood inflammation markers are normal but my body just hurts.

Female diagnosed with GHSV2 about 6 weeks ago. First outbreak was mostly horrible because I had 5-day fever, but I didn’t have any visible sores so it was mistaken for dengue as I just returned from the tropics. Was uncomfortable in the vulva so had a routine STI test that same week (no herpes test) and was sent away with thrush medication.
A week later I returned to the clinic as I was still sore but couldn’t see anything amiss. Nurse noticed an ulcer (entrance to the vagina where I couldn’t see it), swabbed and sent me away with acyclovir. Result later confirmed GHSV2.
Now I think I’m having another outbreak; I had prodrome (ache/heaviness in vulval area) for a couple of hours a few days ago and am uncomfortable in the vulva area now (feels like a papercut), but even with a mirror, everything looks ok down there.
My questions are, how long do prodrome symptoms usually last and how do you know you’re having an outbreak if everything looks ok? Also, is there any point in taking antivirals at this stage or should I just ride it out?

I can’t explain how frustrated I am. This is the second time in the span of a year that I’ve tested positive for urea. Was able to get a hold of dual treatment, and I did 10 days of Doxy followed by 2.5 azith. A week later I even did Moxy for 7. I felt better for two weeks, now I feel the anal itching and weird watery discharge again. I swear it even makes me itchy in my EYES, and it makes my armpits itch. The second I appreciate feeling better my body says fuck you. I have been blaming myself EVERYDAY for ever having sex with the person that gave me this. I got a new partner then tested positive again and he’s had no symptoms and refused to take the antibiotics and now I’m ghosted. Will I ever be sexually active again? Will I ever find a relationship with this out of mind? Just needed to rant. My dr now even stated if I test positive again she’s already tried everything, I am going to BEG for MONTHS of doxy. I just am at my wits end. Wanted to let you all know that I feel your frustration too, and this group makes me feel less alone.

Hi! UTI symptoms started on 5/3, with a diagnosis given yesterday 5/13. I’d like to wait until 5/17 to start antibiotics, which would be a full 2 weeks from onset of symptoms. My concern is risk of kidney infection if I delay treatment more?
My only real symptom is pelvic pain that extends up slightly into the abdomen on both sides. No fever. No nausea. No chills. Low back pain, but that’s normal for me.
Reasons I’d like to delay treatment : 1) Risk of adverse reaction to antibiotics, given history of adverse reactions. If a reaction happens, better for it to happen over the weekend than during the work week 2) Work plans mid-week involving alcohol, which can’t be mixed with antibiotics. Might be a dumb reason to delay treatment, yet it is a reason
I started taking a probiotic, d-mannose, and UT Answer yesterday.
How much of a risk to my kidneys do y’all think it is to wait a total of 14 days from onset of UT symptoms to treatment with antibiotics?

MM Romance

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• In His Corner by H.L. Day - Amazon - (contemporary, boss/employee, chef & restaurant owneex con, hurt/comfort) - 261 pages
  
• Our Mystery Island Affair: MM Romantic Comedy (Miles & Kieran #2) by Gaia Tate - Amazon - (contemporary, established couple, series must be read in order, rom com movie set, slow burn, actoFBI) - 237 pages
  

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• Saving Her Soul by Hildred M. Billings - Amazon - (FF, fantasy, established couple from a previous book in another timeline, sorcerehuman, priestess/farm girl, soulmates) - 714 pages
  

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Hi All - I’m going to do my first round of embryo freezing in the next two months and was wondering if anyone had experience getting their period back after doing fertility treatment. For context, I went off hormonal birth control 5 months ago and haven’t had my period since. RE and Gyno both said the fertility meds used to do the egg retrieval may wake my body up and trigger it to begin my cycle again. Has anyone had success with this before?

Hi All - I’m going to do my first round of embryo freezing in the next two months and was wondering if anyone had experience getting their period back after doing fertility treatment. For context, I went off hormonal birth control 5 months ago and haven’t had my period since. RE and Gyno both said the fertility meds used to do the egg retrieval may wake my body up and trigger it to begin my cycle again. Has anyone had success with this before?

Hello I'm in my mid twenties and I've recently started dating a girl and have had a lot of unprotected sex (stupid I know). Thing is I've had a flu for the past 2 weeks that just seems to keep coming back, just after we started having sex. I'm pretty fit so I'm surprised that it hasn't gone away. I've not had sex with someone in over a year and I read online that STI's can have flu symptoms but I have no rashes or bumps. I've booked a health clinic check up. What are the odds it's an STI? I hope I'm just being paranoid. It started as a flu with fever, aches, sore throat, cough that went away for nearly two days then it came back with a vengeance. I had a boiling fever, even worse aches and now my parotid glands are so swollen I can feel the fluid swishing around in my blocked ears.

The day before starting my treatment vs today, 30th day taking accutane.
20mg a day I also take fish oil, calcium (for other reasons) and antihistamines for my allergies. Started taking fiver last week too I wash my face with the clenance gel, elravie sunblock with hyaluronic acid and a hyaluronic acid serum. On my body i use neutrogena sunblock and top care body cream. For the lips i use cocoa butter chapstick and curlogy's "the lip balm"
My eye sight is at an all time worse, i have miopia and astigmatism. Without my glasses i feel very uncomfortable and my vision is blurrier.
I have very mild HS and i got two nodules in my problem areas but nothing too bad. My seborrheic dermatitis got better but my hair is dryyyy as a desert.

I finished reading the series for the first time around three weeks ago after seven months of reading every day. What a journey.
I wanted to take note of some of my thoughts and questions as I was going through the books, but never did. However, as I finished A Memory of Light I felt that emptiness typical of when you finish a great series and felt the need to finally write down some of them.
I avoided any spoiler I could after the second book so I haven't navigated much in this sub and wonder if some of what I noticed is shared by other more seasoned lovers of the series. I wouldn't be surprised if some of my doubts come only from pieces I missed or misremembered.

• I really appreciated Sanderson's introduction to "The Gathering Storm". I knew Jordan didn't finish writing the series and I was a bit worried how the transition would affect the story. Sanderson's short introduction really put my mind at ease.
  
• Without over-analyzing the writing styles, I found Sanderson's to be more direct, less discursive and without a halo of mystery I felt with Jordan's.
  
• Maybe I'm stretching it, but towards the end I noticed some characters becoming more one-dimensional. Especially Mat, the cheekiness levels were off the chart.
  
• In the books written by Jordan I really liked how all story lines were developed almost simultanously, with big events used as reference points (like the cleansing of saidin and the foul gust from Dragonmount) and crafty story telling to summarize and fill some holes. Maybe it was harder to do towards the end, but Perrin's arc after Malden up to when he gets to Andor has a big time offset relative to events narrated in the same chapters.
  
• Aviendha's "third" visit at Rhuidean felt a bit rushed and left me with some questions. It's safe to say that the ter'angreal doesn't tell the future because Aviendha can simply change the name of one of her children and because Rhuarc dies, but it's odd how Amys (or was it Bair) gets the same visions, even if from different people. I wish we knew more about the ter'angreal. Did this plot have the only scope of giving some hints about the future of the Aiels and urging Aviendha to talk to Rand?
  
• Did Alivia help Rand "die" by preparing his clothes and bags? lol
  
• I don't know if I missed some hints, but Rand swapping body with Moridin did surprise me. It went beyond what I thought was possible in the universe, but I reckon it was a good surprise ending.
  
• I was not ready for so many characters loosing their plot armour at Tarmon Gai'don, and the more it went on, the more I feared for the remaining ones.
  
• Moiraine's return was a bit spoiled with Min having an unfulfilled vision about her. On this topic, it's odd how her bond to Lan is transferred as if she died, while as far as we know, when she enters the other door ter'angreal nothing of the like happened. As I'm writing this I realize she could've briefly released the bond the first time, but then, would've it gone to Myrelle?
  
• The tv show is garbage, it shows no respect to the original material, but I'm glad I watched as it sparked my interest in this amazing series.
  
• As Morgase traveled through Altara I was holding my breath hoping she would run into Salidar and reconnect with Elayne. Things might have unfolded differently, not necessarily for the better, but my heart ached at the thought of Elayne believing her mother was dead. How long did it take for them to reconnect? Seven books? Wild.
  

I was diagnosed with FND less than 2 weeks ago after months of feeling extremely fatigued and having pains all around my body, shortness of breath,headaches, difficulty concentrating, eye strain, sensitivity to light, chest palpitations, and probably some more I am forgetting. But the fatigue is the only thing preventing me from living my life. I am a male aged 22 and this all started a little less than 6 months ago. I only saw a neurologist once for about 45 minutes and he said he has no doubt in his mind that fnd is what I have. There was no event that occurred that caused me extreme stress or trauma so the cause of all this is unknown still.
I’ve done a lot of research on FND, people with FND, and treatments. The treatments recommended which I have seen are occupational therapy, physiotherapy, psychotherapy, and maybe some medication. After doing a lot of research on a lot of you people who have experience with fnd and have experienced things such as difficulty walking or difficulty operating particular limbs, and those of you who have went through difficult times of stress or trauma, I can see how those treatments I stated can benefit you but for me I don’t see how as I have no difficulty operating/ using my legs arms, whole body basically and I cannot say I went through trauma or extreme stress to cause FND. Because of this I am unsure of how to go about treating this and don’t see how physiotherapy, occupational therapy, and psychotherapy, would help me. I am currently trying to address my problems as if it were chronic fatigue syndrome, such as implementing a lot of vitamins into my diet and trying to consume foods which will give me energy rather than make me more fatigued.
PS: this is not very relevant but I do worry about my future a lot now since this has come on. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to live a normal life again, whether I will ever able to to get a partner as I have never had a girlfriend and this is only going to make that more difficult, whether I will be able to manage financially as I have had to quit work because of this. There are so many things I want to do in my life and if I carry on like this I can’t see myself being able to peruse any of them.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. I hope you all get better, this isn’t easy.
Edit: I have had countless blood tests and scans to rule out everything else basically.

few weeks ago I had these rashes in my private areas and in my legs. I didn't care about it at all cuz usually it's normal to have these in time to time. So I applied micogel (which is the usual treatment for these type of rashes) and moved on. but I felt something is wrong cuz even though it has been few weeks, I haven't cured a bit.
today morning I woke up with a rash in my face. I got scared since it's on my face and I haven't ever been in a this kind of position before. so I knew something's goin on with my body and immediately informed my doctor about this situation.
then only I got to know about this is going viral in Sri Lanka. This is not a new fungal. This has been a common thing over the time. But now for some reason it's going viral all over the place. I think it's common in nothern provinces and in rural areas but I live in colombo. I have no clue how I got this. apparently all island doctor associations have announced this medical state few weeks ago. I searched it on YouTube and saw many videos about it on local news channels and there's are many content on it.
I didn't know anything like this is goin on SL right now. and that's why I wanted to inform you guys to be safe out there. you NEED to take proper medicine to this disease otherwise those scars won't heal. I mean if it's on your hair, (this thing can appear in any part of your body, even in your nails ffs) you need to take treatments immediately since if it's on hair scalp the hair won't grow in that particular place even after healing. you might have to deal with a patch in your head.
so take care about this tinea thing and be safe. inform this to others too.

Introduction: The placebo and nocebo effects are fascinating phenomena related to the mind-body connection, where perceiving potential benefits or harms can influence health outcomes. Understanding these effects is crucial for medical practice.
What Causes the Placebo Effect? The placebo effect involves complex neurobiological mechanisms, neural networks (opioid, endocannabinoid, cholecystokinin, dopamine systems), brain regions (anterior cingulate cortex, thalamus), as well as psychological factors like expectation and clinician-patient interaction.
Factors Influencing the Placebo and Nocebo Effects: Personality traits (altruism, extroversion), genetic factors (COMT gene), and patient expectations influence placebo response. Neuroticism and pessimism amplify the nocebo effect.
The Role of Patient Expectations: Positive expectations enhance the placebo effect, while negative expectations trigger the nocebo effect. Considering personality, genetics, and expectations can optimize treatment.
Challenges in Using Placebo in Clinical Trials: High placebo response rates, fluctuating symptoms, and lack of objective markers make evaluating treatments for conditions like IBS difficult.
Strategies to Minimize Placebo Response: Single-blind placebo run-in phase, reducing office visits, and standardizing clinician-patient relationships can reduce placebo response.
Strategies to Reduce Nocebo Effect: Managing expectations, de-emphasizing unrelated side effects, and open-label placebo can minimize the nocebo effect.
Leveraging Placebo Effect for Improved Treatment: Enhancing clinician-patient interaction, fostering empathy, managing expectations, and acknowledging nonspecific effects like the Hawthorne effect can optimize placebo benefits.
Conclusion: While progress has been made, further research is needed to modulate placebo and nocebo effects for improved medical outcomes, addressing methodological, technical, and ethical considerations.
📋 Source: Understanding the Placebo and Nocebo Effect

My husband (31M) and I (30F) (no children) have been together since I was 15 years old, so my relationship with my in-laws literally started when I was a child. They treat me like they do their own children (for better or for worse), and I will acknowledge that I am grateful for that more often than not.
However, an unfortunate part of being treated like one of their children is being met with unreasonable expectations. My mother-in-law loves to keep score, especially when it comes to my family. My spouse and I live a couple of hours away and used to see our parents once a month or so. Because our parents live so close to each other, we would usually travel to their town for the day and get breakfast with my parents and spend the afternoon with his.
My in-laws live just a few miles away from my parents in a small wealthy suburb and run in the same circles. Even though our parents do not hang out often, they are very aware of what is going on in each other's lives.
Our world turned upside down earlier this year when my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's still fairly young (55) and is doing well with treatment. Even though his body is responding well to treatment, the prognosis is still terminal. We are just prolonging the inevitable as long as we can while prioritizing his quality of life.
Treatment has slowed down my dad's capacity to work around the house, and he cannot drive. I moved back in with my parents to help my mom drive him to treatments, physical therapy, etc. and my husband joins me most weekends to help with home maintenance. This has been especially labor intensive as we head into the summer months. My mother-in-law is aware of this and has expressed that she is hurt that we are not spending more time at their house too. My husband has told her how ridiculous this is considering current circumstances, and reminded her that we are actually spending more time than usual at her house since we are in the area more often. She replied that she still feels hurt that we are spending more time with my parents than we are with her.
My mother-in-law calls me often to check-in on my dad, and I give her high-level updates on his progress. When she calls, she insists on sharing the same story about the recent death of her friend who had the same kind of cancer that my dad has. I have told her repeatedly that I do not want to hear this story anymore because it's upsetting, but she still tells the story, instead prefacing with "I know this upsets you, but..." I stopped taking her calls, and my husband has asked her to only communicate with him moving forward. So now she is telling anyone that will listen that I have cut her out of my life, which isn't true. I still see her in person, I just don't have the emotional bandwidth to take her calls for the time being.
Things came to a head on Mother's Day. There were no discussions about us coming over to their house until she sent a text my husband early in the week asking if 1 pm on Sunday would work for us. Honestly, we had forgotten about Mother's Day because we've been so busy. My husband expressed that he had to finish a couple of term papers for graduate school that weekend and asked if we could celebrate next weekend. He's been behind all semester because of my dad's cancer, and this was his last extension. My mother-in-law threw a fit, so my husband said we could drop by for an hour on Mother's Day and have a bigger celebration next weekend.
When we arrived, she said that it would be another hour until the food was ready to eat. My husband reminded her that he had to get home to submit his term papers and couldn't stay for long, and she threw a massive tantrum, going on about how she had made us all of this food and that we were ungrateful. There were no previous conversations about us eating at their house on Sunday, just that we would drop by to visit for an hour. This escalated into a big argument about how we don't spend enough time at her house compared to how often we are with my parents. My husband and I left and haven't spoken to her since.
I'm not sure how to proceed. My husband wants to go no contact with my MIL, at least temporarily. I know he is right. If she can't acknowledge that my dad having terminal cancer isn't a good enough reason to spend more time with him, then I'm not sure that there is a path forward with our relationship. However, dealing with my dad's illness has been hard enough. I can't imagine losing my mother-in-law and father-in-law in all of this too (my FIL will just go along with whatever my MIL wants). I need their support now more than ever. I'm at a loss.