I'm excited to announce next week's schedule for my late late talk show The Uncanny Underworld of Lower Duck Pond is finally complete and we've filmed several segments and even plan to have a few live performances!
2:55 AM Opening I'm doing a Vampira sorta thing and I'll be doing a floating candelabra magic trick in the intro here
3:00 AM Exclusive interview with 5th most popular author in tri-state area, author of Saturn Fading plus a deadpan reading of an excerpt from the 1965 sci-fi film Planet of the Vampires
3:10 AM Live rat circus- marching band, jumping through flaming hoops and silk acrobatics with Paul P. Paulson as well as interview on rat training
3:20 AM I'll be playing a demo of Cedar's game "Hometown Hijinks" and interviewing him on game development
3:30 Hot Takes the Game Show with Hank-watch the Tank try to come up with controversial opinions on different categories of pop culture
3:40 AM Props director rates famous props from movies with Paul McAbburn
3:50 AM Reading of The Bravest Little Lung by Nadari Rawling MD- a psychedelic bedtime story of overcoming adversity and pulmonary surgery safety tips
4:00 AM Fox Playground with Moon Blossom and her kilt-wearing foxes McCloud and Mulder, plus an interview on witch lifestyle, cooking, and exercise
4:10 AM Televised recording of local landmark court case Snarfus v. Health Workers of Lower Duck Pond et al. and apple fundraiser by Kendall Snarfus
4:20 AM Claymation infomercial for Bea's Lunar Clay Shop in the style of Shamwow with special metaphysical concept infomercials
4:30 AM Jay's live insect theater- interviews with special guests Amblypygi, Mastigoproctus giganteus, Heteropoda maxima with live cricket audience
4:40 AM Henry Teether's live tooth extraction with expressionistic lighting and backup church choir
4:50 AM Making herbal tea and tasseomancy with Joy, as well as fireside tarot readings complete with thunderstorm special effects
5:00 AM A cover of Mia Gossamer's pop punk song Wretched Night by Sylvia Arconia in her special made spider dress and strobing spiderweb

D20	This cleric's religion
1	forbids eating meat but not the "exudate" of animals (milk, blood, honey, vitreous fluid, etc.).
2	is a mystery cult with an unknown number of levels of initiation. Even they're not sure how deep in they are.
3	has a strong messianic tradition, and has made no friends among secular authorities for trying to overthrow them and create a utopian new order.
4	considers it offensive to bare one's nose at others.
5	teaches that the holistic wholeness of individuals is an illusion, and so they will address their limbs, feelings, and other parts as though they were full and separate persons.
6	performs sermons in an archaic language that nobody really understands anymore.
7	requires adherents to display their faith with a unique hairstyle.
8	holds a superstitious dread towards fish.
9	teaches how to sleep standing up, as sleeping lying down is held to expose one to the nefarious dreams of underground menaces.
10	holds that most of recorded history is a fabrication, and that the world was created relatively recently.
11	has a theoretically-infinite number of gods, each of whom is discovered (nay-sayers claim: invented) by complex theological procedures.
12	secretly worships evil abominations from distant stars.
13	runs a brisk business in issuing indulgences.
14	teaches that blankness of expression and tone indicates mastery over base passions.
15	rejects iron and steel as the materials of killers.
16	is aggressively millennarian, believing the end of the world will be any day now.
17	relays its teachings through jokes and pranks.
18	requires dedicated followers to give up their names as a sign of humility and submission.
19	doesn't have an afterlife, and instead holds that one's vital force is distributed throughout the universe after death - funeral rites are designed to funnel this energy to one's family rather than letting some ant on the other side of the world benefit from it.
20	teaches that only by following it can one be free of the total predestination of fate.

D20	This cleric’s holy symbol
1	is a reversable mask, one side showing a smiling man's face, the other a snarling dog.
2	is a candelabra with a kneeling human leg for a stick.
3	is a ring with three stars within, forming a triangle.
4	is a beehive in cross-section.
5	is a broken sword gripped by a skeletal hand.
6	is a pair of salamanders swallowing each other's tails.
7	is a patch of red and blue cloth.
8	is an exploding rocket.
9	is a shape made of four interlinked diamonds.
10	is a crescent moon cradling a coin.
11	is an open mouth with flame gouting from it.
12	is a veiled mountain.
13	is a spiderweb with an eye wherever threads intersect.
14	is a bowl holding a crashing wave.
15	a sheaf of wheat spilling out of a chalice.
16	is a gull pierced through the breast by an arrow.
17	is a tower that's cracked through the middle, on the verge of toppling.
18	is a sun disc with beckoning fingers for its rays.
19	is a winged wheel.
20	is a hoof trampling a rose.

D20	This cleric is out adventuring
1	because they were too restless to fit in with the monastic routine.
2	because their order kicked them out for breaking their vows.
3	to seek lost relics of their faith.
4	due to things revealed to them in a prophetic dream they had.
5	because they were declared a heretic for their unorthodox interpretations and sent into exile.
6	to get money to pay for the major repairs their temple requires.
7	to find and slay the monster that slaughtered their congregation.
8	to find and hopefully be reconciled with a bastard child they abandoned when they became a cleric.
9	to escape the watchful eye of a corrupt and incompetent superior.
10	to do good works out in the world (however their faith defines that).
11	to find the holy tools that will allow them to renew the seal on a demon that plagued their faith in ancient days.
12	to find a deity, who has been incarnated as a child somewhere, and raise them virtuously.
13	to find a lost fellow of their order and bring them back into the fold.
14	because they're undergoing a crisis of faith, and wish to either have their belief renewed or destroyed, as their ambiguous doubt is eating away at them.
15	to act as a spy, as their superiors wish to become more politically involved.
16	to act as a missionary and spread their faith.
17	to be martyred for their faith and thus get on track to becoming a saint.
18	to verify the providence of a section of scripture that has been declared apocryphal.
19	to prove themself worthy of joining an order of paladins.
20	to rediscover the lost promised land of their faith.

D20	This cleric has
1	an enchanted collar that lets them speak (but not hear in return) to those who share their faith over a long distance.
2	access to a well-stocked and defensible safehouse which was used by their faith in times of persecution.
3	extensive scarring and an incredible tolerance for pain from their days as a flagellant.
4	tattoos made of ground-up incense that lends their sweat the power to ward off evil spirits.
5	regrets and underworld connections from their prior life of vice.
6	an estranged older sibling who is the heir to a noble estate.
7	a small fortune in sacred paraphernalia with them.
8	an eye afflicted with a golden cataract that lets them see invisible influences.
9	a stack of sigil-marked papers that temporarily freeze those they're stuck on in place.
10	a shroud with the face of their faith's founder imprinted on it.
11	a bounty on their head for blasphemy against the state religion.
12	a little book of aphorisms they like to quote.
13	taken a vow against bathing and grooming, and so smells bad and has matted hair and gnarly nails.
14	a two-headed fetus preserved in a bottle of brine that moans out portents.
15	a very tall and fancy hat that denotes their rank.
16	converted from a dozen religions before settling on their current one.
17	a set of zoetropes that depict important moments both historical and mythical for their religion.
18	a walking stick with a hidden compartment in it for the storage of venomous creatures that can be flicked at one's enemies.
19	a box of ornate needles used to map and manipulate the occult pathways of the body.
20	a stamp that bears the mark of their religion's high priest.

D20	This cleric is accompanied by
1	a slave-penitent working off the wages of their sin.
2	a gaggle of gamblers, drunkards, and lepers wanting the cleric to bless them.
3	a ditzy minor angel.
4	a peg-legged pilgrim who hopes - with some uncertainty - that the cleric will protect them should they run into trouble on their journey.
5	a saint whose leather face has been stitched onto their shoulder. The saint offers them ornery and unsolicited advice.
6	a babbling imbecile who they claim is in fact speaking in sacred tongues.
7	a nitpicking accountant following along to ensure they don't exceed their budget or indulge in luxuries.
8	a resolute atheist who won't stop trying to debate them.
9	a pack of feral cats they've befriended by tossing scraps.
10	no one, though they're carrying the bones of their former companions until they can be given a proper funeral.
11	a conman and peddler of curios who wants to learn more about the cleric's faith so they can use that knowledge for a scam.
12	a hedge-knight under the impression that the cleric's going to lead a crusade, and wants to get in at the top level of that.
13	a contortionist-anchorite who possesses inspired wisdom, yet is confined to a wooden box the cleric carries about on their back.
14	an albino colt who they intend to sacrifice at a fortuitous occassion.
15	an overworked peasant who wants them to declare a holiday so they can take some time off.
16	a trained tortoise with a shrine carved into its shell.
17	an orphaned urchin who insists that they were a virgin birth.
18	an animate idol of creaking copper.
19	a criminal declared homo sacer seeking sanctuary with them.
20	a gentle giant whose skull has been trepanned and filled with benevolent spirits.

Find the first part of this installment here
Barely a stride separated Gax from the dark knight, its sword thrusting out for the orc’s chest. Gax spun aside in a tight circle and the blade slipped by, scoring a gouge across his shoulder. He didn’t notice the pain, however, so intent was he on whirling around and bringing his axe about in a vicious swing. Fueled by his momentum and powerful arms, the battleaxe cut beneath the knight’s outstretched arm and slammed into its armored stomach.
Such a strike would have cleaved straight through a giant’s thigh and would have split steel in half. Gax expected this archaic black armor to crumble beneath the weight of the blow. Instead, the metal held strong. The knight was launched backward a few steps, but so too was Gax’s momentum stopped as surely as if he had struck a boulder.
“Gods!” he growled as painful vibrations wracked his body.
The knight quickly regained its composure, though as it straightened, brown ichor seeped from the bottom seam in its breastplate and down its armored thighs. Apparently Gax’s strike had damaged the thing.
“Try for a seam,” Dar said as she crept toward the knight.
The knight burst toward Gax again. Dar slipped toward its side and nearly lost her head to a crosscut as it came to a sudden stop and turned on her. She straightened just in time to leap over a cut for her ankles then landed with barely a breath before she was forced to move aside from a thrust.
Gax charged the knight with one hand gripping the haft of his axe near the blade and the other gripping the spike atop it. The knight swung toward him, its sword cutting the air with a whistle. Gax interposed his axe, the blow staggering him a few steps but not ruining his distance like it had done to Dar.
Fury and experience lent Gax tremendous speed as he let go of the top of his axe and reached out to grasp the underside of the knight’s helm. He shoved upward with all his formidable strength and stabbed his axe toward its throat. He expected the knight’s throat to be fully exposed. Rather, it resisted him with a neck as stiff as steel. The spike of his battleaxe found little purchase, the metal unable to get far as it was wedged between the helm and the breastplate.
A hollow groan escaped the creature as Dar appeared at its side and stabbed a saber into the underside of its arm. Brown ichor fell from that wound and from the small cut Gax had inflicted, dribbling down the axe. Before either of them could revel in the success of the strike, the knight’s sword sliced down for Gax’s thigh. He pressed himself close to the knight, but wasn’t quick enough and the blade scored a deep wound across the side of his leg.
Gax grunted from the pain, the sound becoming a bestial roar as he dipped low and wrapped his arms around the knight’s legs, letting his axe fall to the road. He lifted with all his strength, muscles straining and veins bulging, but found himself unable to lift the knight. It teetered back, nearly toppling, as it readied its sword for a downward thrust that would spear Gax through his spine.
A snarl of desperation and anger sounded. Dar leapt up and brought one saber in front of the knight’s throat, caught its blade with her free hand, then yanked back and let her feet fall to the road. The knight toppled, saving Gax as its arms flailed to keep balance.
Dar rolled free of the knight as it crashed down and Gax swiftly climbed up its body as if it were a ladder. He stapled its sword arm down with his leg, his knee and foot trapping it, and settled his weight down over its chest. “Kill it!” he bellowed to his companion.
Dar’s saber slid past Gax’s ear and into the side of the knight’s throat. A wet hiss sounded that became a bubbling gurgle. Rather than go slack from the mortal wound, the knight kicked its legs up and slammed Gax in the side of the head with its free arm. Gax’s impressive weight was no match for the knight’s power as it flung him away and summersaulted over its shoulders. Had Gax been inexperienced, he would have clung onto the knight and wound up trapped beneath it. Rather, he disengaged when he tipped over and scrambled to his feet.
The knight was soon to follow, but as Gax turned to snatch up his axe, his eyes lingered on a nearby building.
“The roof, Dar!” he snapped.
The elf followed his head nod then burst for the building without a second though. Gax quickly pursued, the dark knight only a few strides behind. They flew past nondescript furniture of earthen hues and found a set of stairs leading up to the roof. Dar bounded up them and Gax followed but knew the knight would catch him in the back as he went.
Gax cleared three steps in a single, spinning leap and landed facing the knight. Its sword would have stabbed him in his backside, but he parried the strike with a sweep of his axe then kicked the knight in its face. Both Gax and the knight were rocked backward, but the orc expected as much and used the momentum to backpedal up one step then turn and sprint the rest of the way up.
A swift turn in the stairs and he was at the roof. Dar waited at the top of the stairs, her sabers in hand. “I’ll draw its attention!”
Gax nodded then took up position to the side of the opening a half dozen strides from his companion. The sound of metal clanging together and striking the stone stairs echoed up from the house. The dark knight exploded out of the opening and charged for Dar. She evaded a thrust, her saber clanging off its breast. She ducked a side swipe, then flung herself to the side.
Gax dropped his axe and sprinted toward the knight then leapt into the air and became horizontal. He tucked his legs into his chest, then pumped them both out simultaneously. He caught the knight between its shoulder blades and it toppled over the side of the building and landed on the road below with a calamitous crash.
“That won’t be it!” Dar said grimly.
Gax surged to his feet, ignoring the urge to run his hand over the back of his head to check for blood from landing on the hard stone. “I know!” He nearly turned around to scoop up his axe but knew he wouldn’t have enough time to exploit the knight if he did so. “Your blade!” he snapped. Dar, ever quick to pick up on a plan, tossed him a saber before he could shut his mouth.
The orc caught the puny thing, then moved quickly to the edge of the roof. The knight was ten feet below, rising to unsteady feet. Its helm was askew and its shoulder drooped from Dar’s earlier stab. “Godsdamn me!” Gax growled as he leapt from the building.
Before the knight could whirl about, Gax fell upon it, the saber gripped in his meaty hand finding purchase in the space between its helm and breastplate and sinking to its hilt. Gax hit the road next and felt his right knee all but explode from the impact. He ignored the damage, instead focusing on the knight to ensure it was truly dead this time. It hit the road flat on its face and failed to move, its entire body slack and its sword free of its grasp.
Gax kicked out with his injured leg, striking the sword and sending it skidding away. He bellowed in pain from the movement.
“Is it dead?” called Dar from above.
Gax panted heavily, focused on the knight for a moment. “Aye,” he sighed.
“Gax, you alright?” she asked, her voice uncharacteristically filled with concern.
“Me knee. Turned to godsdamn jelly.” Gax straightened up and rolled off the knight to his backside.
“Don’t try to get up!” Dar snapped.
Gax lay on his back, staring up at the sky, his rage giving way to a throbbing ache. Dar appeared at his side a moment later, laying his axe down next to him. She bent down and inspected his knee tenderly. “Gods,” she breathed.
“That bad, is it?”
“Worse, I’d say.”
“Here, let me see it,” Gax grunted as he began to sit up. Dar quickly helped him and he reached out his hands to hold the ruined knee. Which was indeed ruined. “Shouldn’t there be a kneecap here?” he asked with a dark grin.
“Aye, there should be. Looks like you shattered it into pieces when it hit the road. Did you happen to pack a healing potion?”
“Don’t have the coin for a potion. You?”
“After this job, yeah. But I’m not sure how we’re going to manage it with your bum leg.”
“You go on, Dar. Get back to the others. Just make sure you take my share and spend the lot of it gambling.”
“Or I could help,” came a familiar voice. “Though I wouldn’t mind keeping your portion so long as I can spend it on debaucheries, too.”
Elbert stood beneath the stone awning where Gax and Dar had come into this other realm from. The wizard held his hands out and something miraculous happened. While Elbert was known to be able to conjure a gout of flame or a spear of sizzling lightning with the proper reagents, wizard talk, and a substantial stretch of time, there wasn’t a wizard alive who could create the destructive force with simple thought.
Crackling lightning arced between his hands and up his arms. Flames engulfed him next, but he stood unharmed in the conflagration. “The weave of magic here is different,” he said as the fire calmed to a slow flame that crawled across his forearms and shoulders. A wide and devious smile split his face. “I’m a god!”
“That’s good and all,” said Gax as he shifted on his seat, causing a bout of agony to wash over his leg. “But can’t a god easily magic a broken leg back together?”
Elbert’s smile never left his face as he nodded and snapped his fingers. Green tendrils of energy made up of a ghostly light extended from Elbert’s chest and swirled through the air to Gax’s knee. The magic engulfed Gax’s leg and a sensation of warmth and calm washed over him, akin to the feeling of lying down in a soft bed with fluffed pillows after an hour-long soak in a hot bath. Without a single pinprick of pain, Gax’s knee was knit back together, the many shards of bone reshaping into a proper kneecap, and so too were his other wounds healed.
Gax hopped to his feet, marveling at the strength running through his limbs. “Even better than before, huh?” asked Elbert.
“Godsdamned right.” Gax had felt the enhancing effects of a wizard’s spell before, but this was by far the greatest boon he’d ever received from a spell. He could lift a cart laden with steel armor with a single arm, he wagered.
“My question, though,” Elbert said, “is how in the hells did you shatter your knee so quickly? And what is that thing?” He pointed to the dark knight sprawled on the ground near the Gax and Dar. Dar was about to speak when Elbert raised a hand and said, “No matter. Let me try something.”
Elbert cocked his head to the side as though listening to the wind.
“A time paradox, then,” he said after a short time.
“A what now?” Gax asked. He had begun bouncing on his toes as vitality ran through him, and he found himself achieving a good height with those small hops. A mighty leap took him five feet off the ground. He shot an open-mouthed smile of surprise and joy at Dar, who shook her head with a grin at his childish behavior.
“How’d you figure that?” asked Dar, obviously educated about the subject enough not to need a lesson.
“I searched your minds and saw it. The fight with that thing too.” He nodded toward the corpse. “Formidable bastard, wasn’t he?”
“You read my mind?” asked Dar in a tone that portrayed her irritation. “Stop jumping, you oaf!” she snapped as Gax managed to leap high enough so that he could have sailed right over her head. He landed and kept both feet on the ground, for now.
“Just his,” Elbert said. Not even Gax believed him, but Dar didn’t press it. “Regardless, I was but an inch back from you two when you disappeared. In fact, you vanished a split second before I was transported here as well. I didn’t even have enough time to slow my gait after you blinked away. And yet, you’ve been here long enough to kill that thing.”
“So, time here is much slower than time back home,” Dar surmised.
“Precisely. Meaning if we’re quick enough, it might seem like we’ve only been gone for a few seconds before we return.”
“Which’ll be quick enough to stop anyone else from going through, hopefully.”
“Exactly.”
“Where do we start?”
“I saw a big fight happening at that palace,” Gax said, raising an eyebrow at Dar. “Thanks to my jumping, I did.”
“And?” asked Dar.
“And, wherever there’s a big fight, there’s someone there who knows things. We get in the palace, we find someone who can tell us how to get back home, we get Vesik’s convoy through Erstov and collect our gold. It’s like none of this happened.”
A hollow moan that quickly became a harrowing scream of rage sounded from behind Elbert. The tramp of swift footfalls came next, and the wizard whirled around. Gax, with the enhanced physical attributes provided him from Elbert’s spell of mending, was quickly at the wizard’s side, axe in hand. Down the thin, paved road that ran alongside the building he’d just minutes ago leapt off, sprinted another knight clad in the same dark, spiked armor. This one, however, held a double-bladed battleaxe that rivaled Gax’s in length and width.
Elbert thrust his hands toward the threat and frowned in concentration. Dust shot up from the road in a small circle, the odd shape causing Gax’s eyes to pop wide with confusion. The stone vibrated, sending up more gouts of dust. Small cracks appeared in a spiderweb lattice outward from a perfectly circular cut in the stone. The stone within the circle suddenly vanished as though the hand of a god had reached down and carved it with as much ease as if the material were warm clay, the stone becoming fine sand and flitting away.
The dark knight stepped over the spike buried in the road and Gax nearly let out a sigh, thinking it was meant to step on the spike and suffer some kind of damage. Rather, as soon as the knight’s body was directly over the spike, Elbert raised his hand and it shot upward from the ground like a bolt from a crossbow. Only, it was half a foot in diameter and several feet long. The spear went clean through the creature and out the top of its skull, shattering the helm like an eggshell.
The corpse dropped and Elbert relinquished control of the stone spear, letting it crash to the ground. “I might be tempted to stay here,” the wizard said, a wide smile splitting his face as he stared at the dead knight.
Gax ignored him as he held out his axe to Elbert. “Hold my battleaxe,” he said, his eyes fixed on the dark weapon near the dead knight. Elbert held the weapon steady, though his arms remained folded, his magic simply keeping the axe aloft.
Dar’s voice sounded, admonishing Elbert for thinking of staying in this dreadful place. Gax scooped up the massive axe and he gasped. It was larger than his own weapon by a substantial amount, yet the material was lighter. With its tarnished look, he wondered if it would shatter from a strike, explaining its lesser weight. He took a stance and slammed the axe down atop the corpse, brown ichor seeping from the top of its skull and from between its legs. The blade cleaved through the armor and cut the thing in two before carving through the stone ground, retaining its integrity completely.
“Gods above and devils below,” he whispered. The ground suddenly dropped out from beneath Gax’s feet. He cried out in alarm, waving his arms like some fledgling bird. “Blight and damnation!”
“Relax,” Dar said.
Gax attempted to spin toward her voice and found himself capable of doing so, despite not having pushed off anything.
Elbert was grinning at him, Gax’s battleaxe floating alongside him. “This will be much faster and more direct than walking.”
The trio shot through the air like a volley of arrows. Wind whipped past them, making it difficult to keep their eyes open for long. Still, Gax saw a titanic creature raging on the other side of the city. It was a tall, bipedal thing, with gangly limbs and a featureless face, void of a mouth even. Large veins stuck out across its pale, naked body, wiry muscles bulging as it smashed away at defenders clad in dark steel. Purple accents ran along its body and up its neck to its oblong yet perfectly shaped head in geometric patterns, giving it an unnatural look.
“Godsdamn this cursed place,” Gax cursed.
The palace loomed ever closer as they flew toward it. A mass of creatures had piled up at the base of the palace, writhing over one another as they tried to advance only for their progress to be halted by some invisible force. Elbert thrust his hand out as they neared the palace and the air shimmered before the trio in a wavering circle. They careened through that portal without being hindered like those below.
A behemoth of a man clad in rust-colored armor rushed out from the palace gate and crashed into the invaders, its gargantuan sword cleaving ten at a time. Flaming arrows arced down from the top of the wall, shot by skeletons with twisted horns of bone spiraling from their skulls. Gax looked up from the macabre melee to see a dozen undead archers arrayed on a balcony near them. They nocked as a unit and their wickedly pronged arrows suddenly burst into flame, their aim trained on Gax and his companions.
“Elbert!” Gax wailed as the skeletons loosed their arrows.
With a wave of his hand, the wizard turned the arrows around and propelled them with deadly force back into the faces of the archers. Skulls exploded in a glorious display of bone shards and sparks.
The trio swooped upward along the side of the palace’s main spire, reaching the top with miraculous speed. They landed on a sweeping balcony with a tall stone rail inlaid with decorative copper swirls. The bone-white marble floor displayed a pattern of grey wavering tendrils reaching out from a central circle of red. Dragon head statues jutted out of the smooth stone wall to either side of the wide opening that led into the palace, the threshold molded with copper.
“If not for all that down there,” said Elbert, hitching his thumb over his shoulder, “I might be tempted to stay here for good.”
“My guess is that most things here are dead,” said Dar. “While you may be able to harness the power of the magic here like a god, I’m sure you’d quickly follow suit.”
“Axrom’s balls,” Gax breathed, squinting at something inside the palace. “Do you two see that?”
Within the palace spire were two statues of immaculate detail. Candelabra and torches blazed around the statue at the far end of the chamber, raised up on a platform with a copper grate stretched in front of it, the thin metal woven into a floral pattern that partially obscured the construct. The other sat before the erect statue, a polearm twice as long as Gax was tall gripped in one hand, the butt of it against the floor. While both had been cast from solid, gleaming silver, this one also had a cape of crimson cloth draping from its shoulders.
“I’ve a feeling that’s the way we need to go,” Gax said, “though my gut tells me we’re going to regret it.”
“Your gut forgets things,” Elbert said arrogantly as he strode forward, walking on the air with his boots three inches from the floor in a show of power.
The pang of dread in Gax’s stomach failed to dissipate.
Vaulted ceilings and sweeping beams drew Gax’s gaze upward as they entered, demonic creatures of copper with draconic heads perched against the concave wall near its top. Archaic stonework and gold fixtures decorated the interior, masterfully crafted with exquisite detail.
A chill wind blew through the opening and ruffled the cape of the statue posed before the construct of silver behind the copper grate. The rest of the seated statue seemed to waver as well, silver armor plates trimmed in gold and copper shifting. The illusion quickly melted away as Gax realized the statue was not at all an inanimate thing. The creature rose to its full ten-foot height silently and fluidly with all the grace of a master dancer giving their best performance.
The trio halted as surely as if they had slammed into a wall, Elbert’s bravado dying as he sank back to the floor. The armored figure resembled one of the dark knights they had encountered before, though this one’s armor was pristine and shone like the sun from the many flames flickering within the palace. Its helm was a sleek thing with twisting horns of smooth metal that transitioned from silver to black so seamlessly that Gax couldn’t tell where one color ended and the other began.
It pivoted toward the trio, barely a rustle sounding. Gax noticed another figure behind the creature as it spun.
“You mind killing that thing?” Dar asked with gritted teeth.
“No need to be hasty,” Elbert said with a confidence he didn’t truly feel.
Pitch black eyeholes stared the trio down. Gax would have preferred to see glowing red snake eyes to the empty voids that pierced him. The creature standing behind the impeccable knight glided around it to peer at them as well.
It was humanoid as far as Gax could tell, though its flowing, white dress hid its lower half, making its oddly smooth movements all the more intriguing. It stood as tall as Gax and seemed female from its facial features, though its chest was flat. Black tendrils, reminding Gax of thin vines, sprouted from the thing’s skull then stretched backward and floated in the air, ending in a point. Emerald eyes flashed as it raised a rail-thin arm toward them and pointed with slender fingers tipped in black talons.
Words poured from its open mouth, but the language was alien. It was clear, though, that it pointed at Elbert.
“How about now?” asked Dar, her voice dripping with condescension.
“Aye,” agreed Gax.
“Well met,” Elbert began, the octave of his voice deeper but hollow with fear.
Before he could utter another word, the silver statue behind the copper grate crumbled as surely as if it was sand. The knight blocked much of his view of the spectacle, but Gax saw the silver give way to flesh that looked all too familiar. The human's eyes seemed alive for a moment, stricken with terror as they darted around the chamber. Then the flesh melted away as well, muscle and bone and blood cascading down to splatter on the floor.
“Okay, now,” Elbert said, his voice returned to its normal tenor.
...to be continued

Aladdin

"Trouble? No way. You’re only in trouble if you get caught"

An orphan raised in the slums of Agrabah, Aladdin was the "diamond in the rough" needed for the evil vizier Jafar to plunder the Cave of Wonders. Becoming trapped in the cave, Aladdin met The Genie of the Lamp, a powerful spirit that would grant his wishes. Using his wishes to defeat Jafar and win the heart of Princess Jasmine, Aladdin freed the Genie, and now spends his days in Agrabah, performing tasks for the Sultan and going on adventures with his friends.
Hover over the feat for the source
Respect Threads relevant for scaling:

• The Genie of the Lamp
• Jasmine
• Jafar by u/mikhailnikolaievitch
• Mozenrath
• Hercules by u/Cleverly_Clearly

Physicals

Strength

Striking

• Cuts the Slumbergath in the form of a giant spider in half
• Hurts Mozenrath’s Thirdac, which can seriously warp a steel door without harm
• Kicks down a large metal panel, warping it
• Cuts through a large pipe
• While shrunken, knocks over a mechanical termite using a twig
• Sends thieves flying using a staff
• Cuts through vines that rose through the stone floor with no damage
• Cuts off Sadira’s sand monster’s arm. The monster can punch apart a pillar without damage
• Two shots Sa’luk
  • Sa’luk can catch a kick from a man who can break a large pillar with a chop
• Tackles aside a giant scorpion
• Tackles a monster away from Jasmine as it’s leaping towards her
• Somersaults through several of Ayam Aghoul’s skeletons, which can lift big stone blocks
• Staggers an Unkhbut with a kick
• Kicks over a line of large mechanical beetles
• Cuts through several swords with his own
• Tackles a large thief into a table
• Smashes Jafar’s staff
• Cuts apart a small mechanical man
• Stabs his knife into stone to slow his fall
• Cuts off the top of a magic helmet
• Cracks Genie’s stone shell
• Breaks the bottom chamber of a giant hourglass
• Kicks a large vase full of mud across a room

Lifting/Throwing

• Throws Genie at a wall with one arm hard enough to splatter him
• Overpowers the Thirdac, lifting, slamming, and throwing it
• Easily carries a collar that Magic Carpet struggled to
• Throws a rope around steel bars, warping them
• Throws large bottle prisons containing Genie and Eden across a room
• Lifts a Battle Top after lassoing it
• Catches a falling anthropomorphic warthog with one arm
• Throws Jasmine high into the air while disarming her of her spear

Pushing/Pulling

• Holds onto Genie against the pull of the giant Crystal of Ix, which began to break Mozenrath’s tar that Genie couldn’t break
• Casually holds back Frigeed the Ice Ifrit, who can kick a giant ice construct’s head off
• With Merc, pushes a ship off of a cliff
• With Magic Carpet, pushes a giant boulder off of an outcrop
• With Jasmine, Abu, and Iago, pushes a giant boulder off of a cliff
• Pushes a boulder about the size of himself off of a rock outcrop
• Struggles evenly with Al Bahtross, who can bend steel bars
• Pushes a breastplate into a stone wall hard enough to trap brainwashed Jasmine behind it
• Pulls apart chain
• Pulls a cork half the size of himself out of a giant bottle
• Rips a wooden post out of place
• Wrestles a giant squid’s tentacle to hot crystal
• Opens a bear trap

Other

• Resists the pull of winds that broke down large doors
• Resists the suction of Mechanicles’ kraken that was sucking mass amounts of water
• Resists the pull of a time hole that moved a large stone block and lifted a camel
• Clashes fairly evenly with Gregarious, who can cut apart Genie
• Bends steel bars with a spear
• Stops a vendor’s sword swing with one hand. The vendor could crack the base of a stone outcrop with a club
• Jumps on Pain and Panic in a monstrous form, squishing their heads into their body
• Launches Jasmine by jumping on furniture
• Flings a sword a far distance while disarming a thief
• Blocks an eyebeam from Fashoom that can destroy a large stone pillar

Durability

Blunt

• Gets thrown by the physical manifestation of Genie’s anger
• Pretty much unscathed after getting flung to "the ends of the Earth" by Jafar in a tower
• Fine after taking hits from Minos, who leaves a trench of destruction in his wake and can make a fissure by stomping
• Knocked out momentarily after getting hit by a T-Rex capable of breaking a tower in half
• Gets hit by falling rocks as he falls down the Cave of Wonders and is knocked out but otherwise unharmed
• Gets hit by Magic Armor Sultan throwing a palm tree like a spear. With the armor, Sultan can throw a tower and one shot Dominus Tusk, who can tank a catapult
• Takes multiple hits from Humongor, a notably strong Barbarian
• Album of taking hits from Barbarians. A named Barbarian can bring down a building by hitting the ground and even an old generic Barbarian can casually lift a massive statue
• Gets hit by rubble and falls a far distance, breaking his arm, which is healed a short time later
• Fine after being inside Mechanicles’ mech as it rolls down a hill through several buildings
• Fine after getting covered in mud and thrown a far distance by the Al Muddi Sultan
• Takes a hit from a roc that can lift an elephant
• Takes a glancing blow from giant snake Jafar, who could charge through a stone wall
• Takes hits from his evil clone and a long fall
• Gets hit by Arbutus’ vine as it breaks through the stone floor
• Shakes off hits from Sadira’s sand monster that can punch apart a pillar
• Fine after a tower falls on him
• Takes blows from Sa’luk
  • Sa’luk can catch a kick from a man who can break a large pillar with a chop
• While wearing a suit of armor, gets hit by a griffon that can break through a stone wall
• Fine after a large statue falls on him
• Unhurt after the suit of armor he was wearing was shattered by a jackhammer
• Fine after a long fall
• Fine after falling from the top of a building to the street below after crashing through several obstacles
• Gets kicked by a giant mechanical dragon
• Fine after getting thrown by brainwashed Jasmine
• Fine after falling from the rafters and having debris dropped on him
• Fine after a chandelier is dropped on him
• Takes multiple blows from one of Mozenrath’s Mamluks disguised as Jasmine
• No sells Iago charging into him
  • Iago charged hard enough to bend a cage’s bars and flew into a wall hard enough to crack it

Piercing

• Uncut by Mechanicles’ mechanical beetle that can shred stone houses
• Unhurt by a whip hitting his arm
• Unhurt by Arbutus’ thorns

Heat

• Ok after being in close proximity to lava
• Uninjured by a fireball from Genie Jafar that broke off a balcony

Energy

• Fine after being in the center of an explosion that destroyed Mechanicles’ kraken
• Ok after getting caught in a blast from Nefir’s sun ray that makes a big crater and can destroy the top of a tower
• Shakes off a blast from World’s Most Powerful Sorcerer Jafar
• Unhurt after getting hit by a griffon’s eye beams that scattered Genie and took down Magic Carpet
• Fine after getting blasted over the horizon by Mozenrath
• Takes a close-range breath explosion from a goblin that breaks the ground beneath him and can break large stone pillars
• Takes a blast from Caliph Kapok, whose magic can shatter a pillar

Electricity

• Gets hit by Thundra’s lightning, which can blow holes in the palace roof and incinerate an umbrella
• Gets shocked by a genie

Other

• Fine after getting hit by Fatima’s scream, which could shatter a giant crystal
• Fine after getting caught in a blizzard that froze a man solid
• Overpowers a magic stone that makes him afraid
• Squares off against the Slumbergath, which made other warriors die of fright
• Unaffected by Uncouthma’s smell, which made camels pass out and trees wilt

Speed/Agility

Dodging Projectiles

• Ducks under Nefir’s sun ray, which is made of concentrated sunlight
• Dodges/blocks lightning
• Dodges a tank shell after it had been fired
• Avoids getting shot by Abis Mal’s dual machine guns
• Dodges a shooting star
• Ducks a shot from a ballista cannon
• Dodges giant Abis Mal’s eye lasers
• Dodges blasts of magic from Abis Mal’s helmet
• Dodges Caliph Kapok’s blasts of magic
• Jumps over Ayam Aghoul’s blast
• Dodges an arrow from a Galifem warrior, whose bows can shoot arrows from Galifem to Agrabah
• Dodges spears fired from a trap
• Avoids arrows from centaurs
• Dodges shadow webs fired by Ayam Aghoul’s shadow
• Dodges a giant spider’s web shot
• Dodges a barrage of thrown weapons

Dodging Melee

• Ducks a divebomb from a brainwashed Magic Carpet
• Jumps over a tackle from the Sultan in his Magic Armor, who could keep pace with Magic Carpet
• Dodges attacks from his evil clone
• Dodges and blocks attacks from Sa’luk, who can cut at FTE speeds
• Dodges attacks from giant snake Jafar
• Intercepts a whip strike
• Dives out of the way of a large mechanical beetle
• Dodges a barrage of attacks from Mechanicles’ 4-armed power armor
• Casually evades a barrage of punches from Hercules
• Jumps over a charge from Hercules
• Dodges Mechanicles’ giant mechanical mantis
• Dodges traps in an ancient temple
• Dodges the tail of a giant scorpion pinning him
• Jumps over a charging sabertooth tiger
• Intercepts Rajah’s lunge
• Dodges a sword swing from brainwashed Jasmine
• Ducks under some whirlwinds
• Dodges a blow from Dominus Tusk
• Avoids getting dogpiled
• Dodges sword swings from a mechanical arm
• Dodges sword swings from foes

Movement

• Outruns a magic-induced avalanche
• Catches a spriting horse
• Outruns rolling boulders and falling pillars
• Easily outruns a gang of thieves while hauling bags of treasure
• Outruns an avalanche of dice and some slamming cards
• Ties a large snake into a bow as a blur

Combat Agility

• Flips over a wall created by Jafar, then jumps on his scorpion
• Dances circles around Humongor
• With bruised ribs, flips over a griffon
• Runs around a giant snake until it ties itself up
• Uses a somersault attack to take down some skeletons

Jumping

• Leaps a fair distance to stab giant snake Jafar in the head, then leaps back to the balcony
• Leaps a fair distance onto a floating platform
• Jumps from the roof of a building onto Mechanicles’ rhinoceros beetle mech
• Jumps from a building to the building across the street
• Leaps across a tavern
• Jumps across a fissure created by Ayam Aghoul
• Jumps straight up to reach a hole in a cave roof
• With bruised ribs, jumps above Haroud Hazi Bin’s head
• Leaps up to grab a banner hanging from the ceiling

Pole Vaulting

• Pole vaults over a giant yeti using a giant fireplace poker
• Pole vaults up a building
• Pole vaults from one rooftop to another

Climbing

• Impresses two immortal wizards with how well he can climb a mountain
• Climbs a sheer metal tentacle while soaking wet
• Climbs a pillar
• Climbs up a giant table leg
• Climbs up a tower using a banner
• Easily clambers up a pile of wares as well as scaffolding
• Climbs a tree and jumps onto a branch, using it as a springboard

Swinging

• With bruised ribs and while holding a large egg, swings from a clothesline into an open window
• Swings from a clothesline to save a woman from Mozenrath’s winged monster
• Swings from a chandelier to a tapestry to take out a guard

General Agility

• Lands safely after a goblin creates a bed of nails directly under him as he’s jumping
• Leaps across hot coals by using a man as a springboard
• Does multiple flips off of a balcony
• Jumps over a spinning blade while sliding
• Hops across the top of a flock of sheep
• Runs across the tops of some thieves’ heads
• Walks across a clothesline
• Slides down a giant curtain
• Slides down a rope into a gorge to catch Jasmine

Skill

Thieving

• Steals the egg Abis Mal is sitting on
• Pickpockets Minos as he’s having a conversation with him
• Steals an apple from Abu
• Steals a guard’s sash, causing his pants to fall down
• Catches a thief in the act of stealing from him while he’s sleeping
• Notices Abu pickpocketing him when others didn’t
• Pickpockets thieves
• Pickpockets a guard
• Picks a lock using a bone

Trickery

• Tricks Jafar into becoming a genie and gaining all of the limits of one, trapping him in his lamp
• Tricks Genie into getting him out of the Cave of Wonders without using a wish
• Tricks Kileem possessing the Sultan into destroying his own totem
• Tricks a thief into cutting the rope holding up a chandelier, dropping on the gang
• A brainwashed Aladdin tricks Genie into putting himself in a bottle to be trapped
• Tricks Ayam Aghoul into freeing his own prisoner
• Tricks a Rock Ifrit into trapping itself in a metal statue
• Tricks Pain and Panic into opening Genie’s lamp
• Tricks Frigeed the Ice Ifrit into making a magnifying glass lens to melt himself
• Tricks a roc into getting caught in spider webs

Quick Thinking

• Uses a rug as a parachute to land safely
• Leads Hercules and Pegasus into an alley with lots of sheets to trip them up
• Uses items from around the market to defeat whirlwind thieves
• Has Abu cut a rope to drop a light that launches him to the rafters
• Has Genie use a fountain to defeat a sand snake
• Uses a piece of ice as a snowboard in the Earth’s core
• Blinds Mozenrath’s beast with a sheet, causing it to crash
• Hops in a barrel to escape a hostile tavern
• Drops a tarp on some guards that had him cornered
• Makes a rope out of spiderwebs to free a giant spider
• Uses his pants as an inflatable raft

Intelligence

• Comes up with a plan to defeat Mechanicles’ scorpions
• Comes up with a plan to trap Malcho the Weather Serpent in a volcano
• Convinces a Barbarian child to round up all of the cheese in his kingdom to help exterminate some lizards
• Exploits the wording of a challenge to win on a techincality
• Answers the Sphinx’s riddle
• Teaches Jasmine how to be a better archer

Combat Skill

• Defeats some kind of supernatural threat on a day-to-day basis
• Defeats Sa’luk, the second-in-command of the Forty Thieves, in a fight
• Duels the greatest warrior in a valley of anthropomorphic animals evenly for a time, but is eventually disarmed
• Easily dodges and counters blows from a guard
• Easily disarms a thief using a candelabra
• Disarms a thief using a barrel
• Easily disarms a thief of his spear
• Spins a thief into three others, taking them all out
• Easily blocks a flying kick from an acrobat

Accuracy

• Using a cello, fires a spatula into the barrel of Abis Mal’s future gun
• Wraps up Malcho the Weather Serpent with a bola
• Lassos a Battle Top
• Lassos a man trapped in a tar pit with a vine
• Lassos a polar bear’s mouth shut
• Nails targets in a shooting gallery

General

• Can understand Abu when neither humans nor anthropomorphic animals can
• His exploits are legendary throughout the Seven Deserts to the point that even a notoriously reclusive wizard has heard of him
• His spirit has some inherent magical power that allows him to defeat Mozenrath in a battle of spirits
• With Merc, rebuilds a flying ship with the remains of a giant land shark
• Juggles Genie’s heads and a lot of swords
• Plays the piano

Gear

• A sword
• A knife
• Keeps a set of lock picks on him
• A climbing hook

Abu

Abu is a former circus monkey/master thief and Aladdin’s best friend.

Intelligence/Skill

Thieving

• Recognized by the Thieves Guild as the greatest thief in Agrabah
• Steals the Lamp from Jafar
• Steals the club Haroud Hazi Bin was going to use to attack Aladdin
• Steals Abis Mal’s rose out from under his nose
• Steals the necklace a woman is wearing unnoticed
• Pickpockets a marauder leader
• Pickpockets Caliph Kapok
• Pickpockets a thief
• Steals a banana out of its peel
• Steals a thief’s sandwich and belt
• Album of lockpicking.

General

• Pulls the headdress of the guard grabbing Aladdin down over his eyes to blind him
• Steals a sword from a sword-swallower to fight some guards, but promptly retreats when he realizes he’s outmatched
• Unties Aladdin
• Plays the violin and the drums
• Throws a sword to cut down a chandelier
• Sets up a trap beneath two guards without them noticing
• Wraps up a giant spider with its own web

Physicals

Strength

• Alongside Jasmine, Aladdin, and Iago, pushes a giant boulder off of a cliff
• Alongside Iago, holds back one of Mechanicles’ mechanical beetles, which can shred stone houses
• Carries a large stone block alongside Iago
• Pushes a chunk out of a stone wall
• Diverts a flying stone fist with a kick
• Grabs Aladdin while hanging from a pole and swings him into an open window
• Carries a chest full of treasure
• Overpowers the Magic Carpet
• While shrunken, forces open the jaws of a mechanical termite
• Overpowers Iago, stuffing him in a sack
  • Iago strength
• Knocks out Iago, who was still conscious after getting knocked through a stone wall
• Knocks out Abis Mal, who was still conscious after being thrown into a wall hard enough to crack it
• Flings Xerxes across a room
• Wrestles a manacle animated by Jafar’s potion
• Throws a sword into a chest
• Leaves clawmarks in wood

Speed/Agility

• Dodges a blast of magic from Caliph Kapok
• Dodges shadow webs fired by Ayam Aghoul’s shadow
• Catches up to Aladdin despite him having a fair headstart
• Evades Rajah
• Keeps ahead of a jackal monster
• Jumps through the spokes of a wagon wheel as it’s spinning
• Dodges blows from Sadira’s sand monster
• Dodges a sword swing
• Flips and jumps through the Land of Black Sand’s marketplace
• Jumps up a building
• Easily navigates a rainforest
• Climbs up an underground chamber to reach the surface
• Outswims an eel

Durability

• Gets hit by Sluguthu as it charges through the building he’s in
• Gets hit by Magic Armor Sultan throwing a palm tree like a spear. With the armor, the Sultan can throw a tower and one shot Dominus Tusk, who can tank a catapult
• Fine after getting blasted over the horizon by Mozenrath
• Takes a hit from Sadira’s sand monster, who can punch apart a pillar
• Gets slammed and squeezed by Saleen’s octopus, who can lift a large boulder
• Fine after a large statue falls on him
• Only momentarily dazed after crashing to the ground hard enough to break stone
• Gets crushed by a chest
• Gets thrown high into the air by Shark Aladdin
• Ok after being in close proximity to lava
• Gets hit by Thundra’s lightning, which can blow holes in the palace roof and incinerate an umbrella
• Gets struck by lightning
• Goes through a machine that separates salt from saltwater unharmed
• Gets caught in a player piano

Tail

• Grabs Iago with his tail while climbing up a pillar
• Grabs a lockpick with his tail and uses it to pick Genie’s manacles
• Grabs a loaf of bread with his tail
• Grabs grapes with his tail

Gear

• Has multiple of what appears to be some type of gatling crossbow
• Has a sword
• Carries a lockpick on him
• Carries multiple files on him

Magic Carpet

Magic Carpet is a magical flying carpet Aladdin befriended in the Cave of Wonders.

Strength

• Seemingly with Genie’s help, bursts out of a cave in
• Alongside Aladdin, pushes a giant boulder off of an outcrop
• Alongside Genie, pushes a giant boulder off of a cliff
• Smacks down large mechanical beetles
• Throws a large jackal monster into the air
• Wraps up a giant mechanical dragon’s jaw
• Flies through a wooden wall

Speed/Maneuverability

• Flies from Agrabah to the Shadow World, which is past the Big Dipper, in less than a day
• Flies from the surface of Earth to space in seconds
• Outspeeds some angry Sprites that are fast enough to fly from the surface to space in seconds
• Album of dodging lightning
• Flies around the world over the course of a conversation
• Dodges eye beams from a griffon for a time
• Flies through several traps
• Saves Aladdin from falling into lava
• Dodges flamethrowers
• Dodges shadow webs fired by Ayam Aghoul’s shadow
• Evades projectiles from Mechanicles’ giant robot
• Avoids fireworks shot at it

Durability/Resistance

• Gets hit by Magic Armor Sultan throwing a palm tree like a spear. With the armor, the Sultan can throw a tower and one shot Dominus Tusk, who can tank a catapult
• Tanks a hit from Dominus Tusk, who can shatter a building
• Fine after getting blasted over the horizon by Mozenrath
• Fine after a tower falls on him
• Not really bothered after having a large boulder dropped on it
• Fine after taking a hit from a T-Rex that breaks a tower and having a piece of tower fall on it
• Takes a hit from Sadira’s sand monster, who can punch apart a pillar
• Gets slammed and squeezed by Saleen’s octopus, who can lift a large boulder
• Gets flung by Amuk Moonrah
• Keeps going after getting shot with arrows
• Worn out but still functioning with a hole in it
• Ok after being in close proximity to lava
• Gets hit by Thundra’s lightning, which can blow holes in the palace roof and incinerate an umbrella
• As a magical being, mesmerization doesn’t work on it

Tassels

• Fairly dexterous
• Picks a flower
• Tickles a thief
• Carries a pickaxe

Skill

• Sneaks under Caliph Kapok’s feet and wraps him up
• Wraps up Mechanicles
• Uses charades to communicate with Iago
• Consistently beats Genie at games
• Plays the cello and the electric guitar
• Helps Aladdin win a game of chess

Misc

• Has feelings
• Genie implies it’s been around for millennia
• Shares its flying magic with a ship
• Can read despite not having eyes

"Riff raff? Street rat? I don’t buy that"

FUBAR. It’s a term my old bitter squad leader told me when we were pinned down on a thin road back in Kandahar. This was when I was just a private, barely my first chevron, crouched behind an armored vehicle as my team leader laid between us with a Tourniquet strapped to his arm.
“Fucked Up Beyond Actual Repair, Nolan...”.
You know, I’ve hit a lot of situations so far that can be classified like that. Here, mostly, in this, semi southern woodland town, having taken a contract in the hopes of seeing some work. Guess I never expected my blood to be pumping it’s highest in my mid thirties- and at a time when the bullets stopped flying past my head.
I remember nearly falling back over my computer chair when the lights went out, bathing us in darkness. Now, normally, your eyes have a natural ‘cat eye’ ability to them, where they’ll adjust to darkness, usually helped by ambient light. It’s how after a black out, you’re able to quickly get a sense of where you are.
But considering I stood there, gazing around, not even able to find my own damn hand. There was no light, not anymore. FUBAR.
This wasn’t the time to panic, not now, we were in an ALAMO situation; The compound has been severely breached, and whatever the hell could be classified as an enemy combatant, was now probably within the walls… lurking. Hunting.
I opened the middle drawer, right side, it had matches, lithium batteries, double As, triple As,- and a headlamp. Can't see, can't fight. I flicked it onto the white light setting and glanced around, the pit in my stomach started to decrease a bit, at least now we had light-
“OH SHIT!!!-”, Isaac’s words bounced off the walls of the small room, as he stumbled and fell onto his tent inside of the office quickly reminded me that we still weren't, a fully professional fighting force.
Isaac threw the plastic lining off him as I scanned behind me, and I breathed a sign of relief; my plate carrier and ‘15 were still here, propped up against the wall.
I slipped the lamp onto my head, pulling the vest over my head and strapping it onto myself. Isaac grumbled as he stood up. “This is bad man-”, yeah, it was. I felt around the backside of my jeans, feeling a small ring of keyes i’d kept S clipped onto a belt loop, pulling off a small master lock key.
“Isaac… pop open that crate….” I tossed him the key, I was referring to one of the tough boxes propped up just beside where his tent once stood. I saw him hold it in his hand, feeling it with his finger tips, “busting out the big guns, sarge?”.
“Something like that”.
It’s a good thing that Isaac spent all seventeen thousand dollars on pure, unadulterated american firepower that day, oh so many weeks ago. Right now we were trapped in a small security room, while god knows what could have already secured most of the compound, let alone the dark, close quarters building we were in.
We had a term back on small J - Camps, I already mentioned it: ‘ALAMO’. In the event of a breach of compound, we retreat back to the deepest, most secure part of our fortifications, load up, and hold out. That’s probably what they wanted, us to stay here, wait out the storm, while they gathered strength outside, waiting to drown Isaac and I in whatever darkness they currently had Rosanne in…
No, not today. We had come too far, fought too hard, for it to end like that...
I filled whatever magazines we hadn’t with all of the surplus 5.56, shoving them into pouches on my kit, in my pockets, hell, I even went old school and clipped on a condor gun belt.
Isaac’s carrier was outside on the couch in the living room, along with his Benelli deathcannon…. In another time, I probably would’ve given him all kinds of hell for leaving his weapon, but that’s when I was a pitbull, about ten years younger, and hadn't worn down my temper like I had my knees.
This also wasn’t a trained american soldier we were talking about. Although, that just sounds rude. Isaac might not be trained, he might not even know how to fight well- but god damn if he hasn’t stood by my side and fought with me so far…
“Whatchyah got for me?” Isaac asked giddly as he pulled on a gunbelt of his own, it was lined with pouches upon pouches of 12 gauge. Buckshot, Slugs, with an additional pouch strapped to the very back, marked in red and black.
I tossed him a short barrelled member of the shotgun family, the Mossberg 590. It was stocky, to the point, might not’ve had range… but I kept it here with the express purpose of being able to fight in the tight corridors of the house. And by god, if it wasn’t needed now more than ever.
I slung to my front, as Isaac loaded a handful of slugs into the mossberg, and tried for the door. Locked. I tried it from our side, but it wasn’t budging. No good. I backed up, taking aim at the door.
“You ready?” I asked Isaac, he nodded. I tapped the upside of my fist against my head, to Isaac’s confusion. “Uh, you got a headache?”. I sighed, though I really shouldn’t have, should of known better.
“Breach-”,
“What?”
“It means, breach”
“With what?”,
“The 12 gauge boomstick in your hand, now put it against the lock and blow it”. All of the action movies he must’ve seen probably came flooding back, because Isaac ran forward, shoving the muzzle of the gun against the door.
With an explosion of sparks, and wooden fragments, I saw the brass cover of the door’s knob and lock fall off. Thankfully this time, I put on a pair of electronic ear protectors. Three times the charm.
Isaac pulled the door open, and I went charging forwards. The hallway opened into a T, so I’d go and cover the living room while Isaac…. Wait.
This wasn’t the hallway.
My headlamp saw that the area really opened up into…. Something that made me groan with pure dread.
It was a library,
the library Isaac and I had stumbled into on our last adventure into this haunted fucking house.
Same rectangular design, same old, dim orange candelabras lining each of the corners…. Same dusty filled air that hung, like a light snowfall. As I dropped my muzzle, Isaac came rushing in behind me, shaking the carpet so wildly It telegraphed everyone of his steps.
“ALRIGHT LETS-..... Oh now, THIS AGAIN?!”.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
I reached up and pulled my left muff off my ear ever slightly, allowing me to hear the natural sounds around us. Isaac and I were staring down either end of one of the isles alongside the library’s longer side… and I don’t know whether it was the walls, or the dust, but all sound seemed… muffled.
Like, there was no ambient noise, just a pure void, where either Isaac’s or my own shuffling and breathing broke it.
“I don’t think we solved our basement problem Dwight…”, “You think?! Now the whole damn house is gone…”. My left hand shot back to the fore grip on my rifle, as I scanned in front of me. Normally, with a proper team, I’d have this entire room cleared by now.
But we weren’t a proper team, it was just us, and we stood there. Complacent, waiting, stood still like two fucking goats waiting to get cut down.
“What’s the play?” Isaac asked, he now backed up, pressing up to the back of my kit. what was the play? I thought about it, my cheek welded to the butt stock.
No sounds, meaning we were alone, but were we? Did the ghouls and creatures hunting us create sound here? Was the sound just high blood pressure fucking with our eardrums? Was it at all detrimental that in a combat situation, my mind rushed to menial fucking questions? No, yes. I mean, Yes, but no, not unnatural…
Then, that’s when we heard it. From the isle to my right, just behind the bookcase, I could hear a set of heavy, and fast footsteps, cutting the trail from Isaac’s end to mine. I didn’t know what it was, who it was, it could have been Rosanne, but all I know is, it was coming towards the opening near me. Fast-
One flick downwards, Semi.
With quick and calculated precision I took aim for a spot on the bookcase I knew it was at- and I slammed down on the trigger. All of the training I had acquired suddenly flooded back as I fired into the bookcase in large, fast groups, tearing up the novels and dictionaries and whatever else on the shelf.
Isaac joined in, spinning around he fired off a slug that cut right through a wooden divider, causing the entire shelf to sag in the middle.
Then, silence. I peered over my holographic sight, peering into the now settling fall of torn up paper and wooden shards. Through my right ear, I could hear Isaac breathing heavily, a metallic klink told me he’d slam fired all his ammo- and the clicking afterwards told me he was reloading…
​
My left ear…. Was ringing. I guess I had forgotten to put that muff back over my ear before I decided to light up the shelf like it was a Tango at 3’oclock. I mean, in this circumstance, I guess it was, regardless.
Isaac slammed his shotgun's fore-end home, scanning the shelf up and down.
"Think we got it?"
"If we didn't Isaac, we've got bigger fucking problems. Cover me"
I “pied” the corner of the shelf as I approached, using whatever was left of the end of it to provide a slow, but steady cover point that I was able to clear it from. My mind raced as to what might greet me? The creature from the backyard, back to seek it’s revenge? John? Rosanne?....
As I rounded the corner, quickly clearing all openings, the ball in my throat cleared. “Dwight?! What is it? See anything?” my throat cleared with a frustrated sigh, “No, nothing…-”.
Another set of footsteps, this time, on Isaac’s side, running along the short side of the rectangle. Isaac was the first to fire, through the dim light of the library I could see an explosion, and a slug rip through two shelves as it hit the far wall. As paper and leatherback covers of books flew across the room, I squinted to see what it was…
I saw…. Something? Someone? A humanoid, small, running…. It was too dark, the air was too polluted, I couldn’t see who…. But I saw something that gave me enough reason to pick up and run to the far end to beat it.
I remember trying to yell at it, as if whatever was in the woods gave a rats ass about my word or wants, “Stop!!”. As I hit the far isle, I pivoted on my right foot and raised my rifle…. Only to be staring down at Isaac, who held the mossberg at his hips….
Isaac dipped his gun back, holding the barrel in the air.
What the hell was going on?
I scanned both sides of the isle, and that’s when I saw it. Embedded in a spot where another bookcase should be, was a wooden door. Plywood, with old yellow paint peeling off at it’s edges. I pied the three inch indent it made, as if something were to be hiding there waiting to kill me- probably just nerves.
Isaac shook his head.
“I guess there’s no hope of seeing any of the regular house now?”,
I shook my head, reaching in with my off hand, “Not unless we keep going, I guess that’s the play”. Was what I was saying even making sense? Did any of this make sense? Shit was spiraling out of control, was what we were seeing, shooting, running through- even real? I tried to believe it was, if anything, just to keep myself grounded.
Locked. I backed off, shouldering my rifle.
I tapped the front side of my head, and Isaac came in close with his shotgun.
Another explosion of wood and metal shards, and the door shook wildly. This time, I didn’t wait for him to pull it open, I charged forward, raising my boot, and kicking the door in. Isaac followed close behind-
and both him and I nearly tripped over a small, long, pink piece of furniture that laid across just before the door. A bed, a child’s bed. Age, like the chipped walls where it seemed like blue and white wallpaper once was plastered across, had sunk in. A white and pink quilt was now old, torn up, and rotted.
The room was almost as small as the security room, maybe a couple of meters long, a few across. I pulled my rifle up against me, backing up to gain space, that’s when my back hit a wall, the wall. The door we came into was no longer there, just more peeling wallpaper with chipped wood furnishings…
No going back.
I instead brought my left foot to the edge of the bed, feeling the frame, and kicked it against the wall to my left, out of the way. The bed must've collided with some sort of dresser, because I noticed a wave of papers flew off into the center of the room. Out of my peripherals, I noticed they were drawings, colorful ones.
I walked up to the far side of the room, a window. Turning off my headlamp to avoid any glare or reflection, I gazed out. It was, darkness, the void. Maybe one or two inches of space, and then it seemed like it hid a sea of literal, physical darkness. No trees, lights, ghouls, monsters, people…. Just, darkness.
The sounds of objects falling onto the wooden floor caused me to spin around, and I saw it was just Isaac… but, something was off.
“Isaac…. You alright?”. He stood there, shaking his head, and had this glassy filter over his eye. “Yeah…. Yeah man just….” His right hand holding his gun, dropped, as his left hand pinched his temple. “It’s gotta be all this stuff in the air…. I just…. I think it’s giving me a headache….”.
He took a few steps forward, nearly slipping on one of the papers on the floor, causing him to brace against the wall.
“Jesus! What the hell’s with all this stuff anyways….”.
Something also clicked in my head, a few seconds ago one of the drawings fell right across the light of my headlamp, it was colorful, fresh, new, like someone had just went to down on a stack of sheets. unlike all of the walls and furniture where the colors were faded and old, and looked like they'd been put through the dark age.
I pulled my rifle into it’s “work space”, close to my shoulder with the muzzle in the air, and grabbed one of the drawings…. It was off, strange, surreal, I guess.
A small girl in a white and pink dress was in a field, surrounded by trees. A blue sky messily colored in above, with flowers on the ground. Although, it seemed intentional, the edge of the trees were curved- a clearing? And a house stood tall in the background. Several pointed edges of it’s rooftops….
I tossed it aside, and picked up another,
This time, a much darker version of the forest. Bodies of tries, devoid of leaves with gray bark filled the area. In the distance, bathed in light, was the cazamoth estate. I knew it was because, it was a splitting image of it. A grey concrete wall with curled barbed wire, and a large brown wooden building in the middle. Though, at the edges of the trees, in the dark patches…. Eyes watched. Not cartoonishly red or evil eyes. Plaine, white eyes, with no irises, surrounded by dark patches of dead skin, staring down from all angles… the eyes I knew, I had seen in the storm.
Whatever drew these knew what was going on, and wanted me to see them… I felt a drop of sweat run down the side of my head as a chill shot up my spine. Was it probably from all the running and gunning? Probably, yes, but…. I have to admit, this was all getting under my skin…
The sweat on my hand sunk into the paper as I turned over another…
It was…. Us, the gang, the small trio I had assembled, in the parking lot just before we pulled out this morning. Last morning- was it even the same day? Forget about it. Rosanne sat inside, while I leaned on the front bumper, smoking a cigarette…. And Isaac sat up against the rear bumper, head down. They were exact portraits of us, albeit, drawn in crayon. Me, beard, black hair, leather jacket, jeans. Rosanne, purple beanie, white coat, green hardback journal. Isaac, truckers flex cap, hawaiian shirt, cargo pants, and….
No.
Some sort of dark strand coming out of his back, the black crayola line edged deep into the paper, intently, as it lead back to the woods.
I dropped the paper and stood up, flipping on my headlamp, as I gazed at Isaac. His head was hung low, his breathing, heavy. Slight shivers in his shoulders as he leaned up against a shelf, his right hand barely hanging onto the pistol grip of the mossberg.
“Isaac….”.
No response.
“Isaac!!”, My voice shook a bit, my thumb plastered against the selector switch, as I waited, praying what my gut told me was going on, wasn’t going on. “Isaac you better come clean right now, if that ain’t just a headache or flu….”.
A series of heavy pants and coughs came from him, his head still hung low, obscuring his eyes. I took a step forward,
KRACK-
A large impact into the window behind me caused me to spin around, Something had hit the window, from within that dark void, and had caused a large break in the glass to form. I aimed my rifle at the window, now there was two threats; One external, one internal. God don’t let the internal be true.
Another thud from an unseeable force caused the glass to crack, the spiderwebbing break widened even more. “ISAAC WE NEED TO GO!!”. He instead just stood there, now shivering. Great, just fucking great Dwight.
I gazed around, the door we had entered from was gone, the window was now becoming a breach point for something else…. The back left corner. A door, that, for some reason, I didn’t see in my initial sweep of the room, had appeared. A large toy box lid infront, with a chair propped up beside it, in an attempt to hide it.
I let my rifle drop, slung to my front, as I grabbed the box, and heaved it to the other side of the room.
KRACK-
I tried the handle, locked, god damn it. I raced over to Isaac, reaching for his shotgun. Except, his previously limp, sweaty fingers now clung onto the trigger well like it was a pot of fucking gold. He stood there still, head down, sickly, but wouldn’t let go.
I cursed under my breath, and reached for a drop holster on my right leg. My Glock 19 wasn’t a preferable breaching tool-
KRACK-
But under current circumstances, it would have to do. I shoved the barrely nearly down the damn keyhole before yanking on that trigger more times than I can count. The door shuddered and shook, but after enough shots and yanking on the handle…. The bolt inside broke, and I pushed it open.
KRACK- Another impact, followed by the sound of glass falling onto the wooden floor caused my hairs to stand up at fucking attention. I grabbed Isaac by his shoulder and pulled him after me. “Isaac! We- Are- LEAVING!!!”. As I shoved him into the hall, and reached the door. The sound of the glass shattering, following by a horrifying growl and roar, caused me to kick the damn door back into place.
Isaac began to mutter at this point, hysterically, as I nearly pulled a muscle shoving a gigantic cabinet in front of the door. Just as it eclipsed the door to the bedroom- it shook violently. More growls and roars like before emanated from within.
This wasn’t the Cazamoth estate, we weren’t the protectors, this wasn’t our home, we were being hunted. I pulled Isaac along with my free arm, as he now began to sound like a fucking asylum patient. The hallway was old, weathered, like a victorian style house had been put through seventy years and two hurricanes.
Rugs and floor boards torn up, plaster littering the floor… and all of the fucking doors locked. Except for one. “INFIRMARY”.
I shoved Isaac inside as I swung the door closed. It had six damn locks, why do you even need to many? For an aid room? Well, not any infirmary I’d ever seen. I turned back to the room in front of me, it was probably seven meters across, foot long. Just big enough for some cabinets, a sink, counters… and a metal operating table along the far wall.
Important to note was the room was split, the bottom half, along with the entirety of the floor, was littered with old, cracked tiles you’d find in a shower. The top was white paint that had seen better days.
I looked around for Isaac, who now sat in one of the back corners, hands grabbing his face, sobbing hysterically. Something, deep down inside, sunk seeing this. For a person who had been so chipper, so positive throughout all of this, especially after that pep talk we had in the kitchen…. Crumbling to this….
I smothered it, He’d be fine, if- he was even fine with to begin with. I went through my basic checks. All my mags and gear was still on me, the door was secure…. The loud, drumming sounds of the bedroom door down the hallway told me something was still trying to get in. isaac was possible a threat, and I don’t know how much ammo I had wasted.
I quickly loaded a fresh mag into my glock, shoving it back into it’s holster. The one I had loaded into my rifle was windowed and showed 11 round left. Yeah, I guess we were taking the suppressive part of suppressive fire very literally.
I slapped a fresh mag into the rifle, and thought to myself.
‘Alright, green on ammo, next-’.
“D-d-D-Dwiht…” Isaac mumbled, for the first time in what seemed like forever, he spoke. I gazed up, my right hand tight on the rifle’s grip as I looked him over. He sat knees in arms, eyes buried into his kneecaps, with his left arm extended, pointing at the operating table.
“Isaac what’s wrong?”, He said nothing, just his shaky finger pointing at the operating table. The booming sounds of whatever was trying to enter the hall continued as I glanced across it. It’s chrome finish was still surprisingly intact and reflective, albeit with several spots showing age and rust. A black cushion on top, with straps for…. I don’t want to think about it.
And on top laid, another paper, drawing side up. I walked over, my boots squeaking and crunching off the tile floor as I approached the table.
It was a picture of this room, at a different time, in a different place, facing from the back wall outwards, towards the door. The girl was strapped into the operating table, crying, with cuts and stitches all over her face. In the back corner of the room, there was a figure…. The way it was drawn… it looked like TV static, but, not, at the same time. Blurry, but I could make out it was a man, and it just stood there, in the far corner, facing her.
I ran my thumb along the corner of the paper, and I realized, through my light bleeding through it, there was another drawing on the other side.
Me. I stood there, facing the now empty, torn up operating table, my rifle crudely drawn across my chest, headlamp illuminating the area around me in a triangle. I could see Isaac in the fetal position, like he was, in one of the corners…. And that staticy, smeared, blurry man peering just over my shoulder.
I then realized….
The banging on the door in the hallway had stopped.
Before my synapses could even comprehend, the drawing was dropped, my selector switch was on semi, and I had spun around to see….. Her. Although this time, it wasn’t out of the corner of my eye in the basement, she stood there. Dress now a dirty white and torn, staring me down.
A smile was pulled across her dread, cracked lips, as she raised her head to look at me, with white, beady eyes surrounded by black sunken rings.
The last words I remember as my headlamp flickered off.
“Gotchyah…”.
….
I awoke to a cool breeze across my face, my head was pounding as I pulled a black fleece beanie from in front of my eyes. “Hey, Sarn’t Noles…. Sarn’t…”.
I rubbed my eyes, black, oil and dirty coated mechanix gloves that I’d worn for probably my entire tenure gripped the steering wheel of the truck I was in. I looked out the windshield, we were inside the wire of a large camp, and around the truck. Why we were here, started to leak back in from a long forgotten memory.
A near 500 mile patrol, that had taken almost two days across the province. We were low on everything, from rounds, to fuel, to water, to MRES… so we were bedded down in the motorpool of our “halfway point” compound for the night.
But ... that was almost a decade ago, why was I here?
“Sarn’t?”, My eyes shot to just outside of the door, a kid in grey digital camo gear, with a worn shemagh scarf wrapped around his neck, stood there. I remember this kid, five foot five, stocky, my bravo team leader had a sick sense of humor and made him a SAW gunner.
“What is it Daveys?”.
“Sarn’t Walker wanted to speak with you, he’s by the tower”. Sergeant Walker… my old Platoon Sergeant. “Alright…. Go get some sleep”.
He shuffled back to his ruck and woobie, and was passed out before I had grabbed my M16 and dropped out of the truck. Around us, beige armored vehicles laid silent, and still, and the entire area was coated in a thick layer of frost, not unusual to afghanistan, if I was right, it was the middle of winter.
Sergeant Walker was up on a catwalk, positioned by a cylinder guard tower on the northern side of the compound. The entire area was maybe 100 x 100 meters, tucked on the edge of a mountain, made a great target for snipers and RPGs….
Which showed the size of Walker’s brass balls, I guess. When he was just standing there, M16 slung to his front, staring off into the distant mountains with a pair of Binoculars. He barely gave me any word as I stomped up the metal stairs, and stood alongside him.
“Sergeant….”,
“Nolan…. Mornin’ “ He had a thick ‘Geojan’ accent, from the deep south. Man was taller than men, built like a brick shit house. The kind of man you needed to lead a group of soldiers in a warzone.
A puff of hot air escaped my lips as I exhaled, gazing out at the dark horizon. “Playing chicken with the snipers again, Sergeant?”. A small huff, a chuckle, very rare from him. “We been’ doin’ that for months now Nolan…. It catches us all”.
I looked at my watch, 0135 22DEC10
Seven Months into my fourth deployment, Three months after…
“You wanted to see me?”.
I watched as hot air seemed to spew from beneath Sergeant Walker’s kevlar like smoke coming from a dragon’s nostrils. “We nearly got hit on that bend coming in…. Second Squad alright?”.
I scratched the back of my neck, between my helmet straps. “Yeah… I sent the guys to bed early, did all the SI and vehicle checks myself…”. We stood in silence for minutes, but it felt like hours, just staring out, watching the mountains. Walker sighed, shaking his head, and looked back into the Binos.
“I’m sorry about Clancy….”. I raised an eyebrow, this wasn’t something he usually talked about. Straight to the point, no dillydallying about past losses or events… “No rest for the wicked” as he said, but-
“We’ve been losing guys, and it’s not our fault. Just a bad hand Nolan…. First they won’t give us the Rhino to protect against forward IEDS…. Then it's bad intel leading us into fucking contact after contact….”. Walker shook his head, “But Clancy was on me…. I should’ve done better scanning after we got hit…. I know I don’t usually talk like this but, that’s been burning in my mind for months now….”.
I buried my hands in my pockets, an act, vilified in garrison, but out here, not so much.
“Like you said Sergeant… Bad Hand…”.
A bad hand. A platoon fed into a meat grinder for months on end, with the seeming intent to get us all killed.
“Bad Hand, yeah. Gotta make do with what you got. Maybe when this is all over, we can move on, hopefully. But right now…. You need play your hand and wake up Dwight”.
Dwight. He’s never called me by my first name before.
“What did you say, Sergeant?”.
Walker dropped his binoculars, his hazel eyes staring me down as he let them hang around his neck.
“Dwight, Wake up…”.
…..
The past faded away, as I woke up face first on a metal floor, my head pounding. The area around me had a sort of orange glow, as I opened my eyes, I noticed strange, ornate candelabras standing in rows against the far metal walls . The ground tasted like dirt and iron, from the red rust covering it…. At least, I hope to got it was red rust.
“Dwight!!~” Rosanne’s voice, distance, and wavey, shouted from behind me. “DWIGHT!!!~”.
I drove my right hand into the ground, pushing myself onto a knee. My rifle laid on the ground in front of me, and my kid hung, ragged and disheveled, as if something tried to pull it off.
Rosanne stood there, with her. The girl with sunken eyes, held an iron grip, so tight, that Rosanne, a fully grown woman, much taller than her, struggled to get out of her grip.
“DWIGHT!!!~” Rosanne shouted, waving at me with her free hand. I gritted my teeth, raising my right hand, as my left hand grasped my temple, trying to ease the pain.
Rosanne waved her hand, and pointed behind her.
“THE EFFIGEY!!!~ SHOOT IT!~”.
I blinked my eyes, trying to focus on what laid behind her.
The operating table from before, but now, at the back of a wide room, the size of a small gymnasium. Where we were? I don’t know, but I could see it had some sort of object, on it. Made of twigs, twine, and her own ripped up, and bloodied pink and white dress wrapped around it.
I haven't asked Rosanne, but I wondered, still wonder, what kind of voodoo shit is this? Paganism, something from the middle east? Witchcraft? My soldier calculus didn't ask this though, it just knew what it had to do...
“SHOOT IT DWIGHT!!!!~~”.
Shoot. Somewhere deep down, I laughed, hearing how she needed my way of doing things. But laughing would have to wait, My right hand shot to my thigh, pulling out my glock, and I took aim.
Three shots, aimed with precision at the operating table that was maybe twenty meters away- barely got ten meters as they hit some sort of invisible field, crushing as if they’d hit an abrams head on, and fell straight down against the floor. The barrier now rippled like the surface of a lake, but even through the murky, wavy field, I could see her.
Smiling, laughing. Gripping Rosanne’s hand tight, knowing we’ve been duped. I fired again, the slide shot back, a 9mm round shot out- and was crushed against the barrier.
Rounds couldn’t get through, so, what could? I gazed around, looking for something, anything-
That’s when a set of footsteps running at me, caused me to turn. It was Isaac, up until now, I hadn’t thought about where he’d been, but there he was. Running full force at me, armed outstretched…. Eyes sunken, white, and beady.
His growl was inhuman and rabid as he rammed into me, still on a knee, and feeling, I barely knew what was happening. But he still managed to force me, a man who had not only size, but probably weight, and fighting skill on him, into the barrier,
And god, did it sting.
It felt like touching the surface of a grill, but instead of only just the metal bars, it was an entire flat surface, burning through my skin, my clothes, my hair. I yelled out, for the first time in a long time, out of instinct, “Isaac”, or whatever had taken hold, now digging his heels to shove me into it.
My mind raced, under siege by pain, by anxiety, by fear, by anger, by adrenaline, searching for an order, for a goal. My mind raced. 16 years of fighting, of combat, of being a soldier, then a soldier for hire, then a civil servant. All coming to an end…. Here? Overwhelmed by darkness, failing to protect those I signed and swore to, allowing the darkness to overtake an entire family, dragging friends down with me…
I searched for my name. Dwight Nolan, former US Army Staff Sergeant, Four tours in the middle east, having seen more of Afghanistan than my own home….
No, No, No. I was not going down like this. Too many battles, too much fighting, to succumb to this.
“Dwight!!~~ FIGHT BACK!!!~~” Rosanne’s voice bellowed from beyond the barrier.
All the training, all the animalistic instinct to fight the evils of my country, now to fight the evils of fucking existence itself, came rushing to the surface. I roared, meeting Isaac’s own rabid state of mind with that of my own will to not fucking die.
I grappled, scrambled, shoving his arms from my shoulders, and slamming my goddamn head into his, forcing him back. My hand reached for my glock- it wasn’t there. It was on the floor, a quick dive, two shots right to his- No, I stopped myself...
Isaac is my goddamn friend, He's been with me for this entire ordeal... I'm not gonna stab him in the back, leave him to this, no matter how fucked up this was getting.
No time for sentiment as Isaac came lunging in again, if he was gonna go high, fine. I ducked down and grabbed Isaac around his waist, picking him up, and Matt Hughes style running, and slamming him into the ground.
Forcing him on his back, I gazed into his eyes. Wide, full of rage, of a rabid frenzy, his mouth foamed, and black ooze leaked from beneath his makeshift eyepatch. “KHhh- KILL YOU!!!!” Isaac roared as he clawed at my face, his fingers digging into the scar on my right cheek. Anger rose to the surface as my fist balled up, and slammed right into his nose. His head bounced off the floor, but whatever possessed him obviously gave two single fucks about concussions, as he just sat up again.
Our scrap continued as Isaac forced us both back to his feet, now trying to bite down onto my shoulder, I shoved him off, kicking out one of his legs, and seeing we were now nearing one of the walls, I ran in, and this time, tackled Isaac into the steel surface.
Our probably collective 350+lbs caused the metal in whatever labyrinth we were in to groan as we connected. I kicked out one of Isaac’s legs, and shoved him into a row of the Candelabras. Oil and wax splashed out as they dominoed down with him, towards the barrier, I backed off, shielding my face.
Then, I saw it. As the fiery oil splashed out, it passed right through the barrier, seemingly untouched. Rounds couldn’t go through, but, fire did? Was that it? Fucking fire? I stood there, baffled, not even caring about Isaac as he riffed.
But how was I gonna use fire… I looked down at Isaac, and then, it hit me. On his gunbelt, aside from all the pouches of slugs and buckshot… the one on the back, marked in red and black.
“KKKh-KILL YOU!!!!” Isaac scrambled to his feet, stumbling over candelabra stands as he lunged at me. I underhooker him, an inhuman level of strength allowed Isaac to battle me, but I had a few tricks up my sleeve that his feral mind didn’t.
Slipping around to his back, I kicked out one of his knees, and wrapped my left arm around his neck, allowing me to control him- for now. We were now both on our knees.
I quickly looked him up and down, thank god, his mossberg was on it’s sling- The size of the horseshoe up my ass I must’ve had, to not have it go off in the scuffle. I pulled it off, and slipped it between the bent part of my right leg, a tactic used to reload rifles, but I think I could be forgiven for this makeshift use of the tactic given the circumstances.
My right hand fumbled with the clip on the molle pouch, Isaac’s hand dug into my arm, with just a T shirt on, he scratched at the skin. I bit down the pain, Anxiety and the will to push on. I opened the pouch, and dug out a very specific shotgun slug.
A golden brass top with a bright orange body,
DANG-INC 12 GAUGE
“Dragon’s Breath”.
Isaac growls and screamed through his foamed over mouth, as I fumbled with the mossberg. With all of Isaac’s thrashing, simply shoving it into the weapon was a thousand times harder. Once it clicked in, In pulled the gun up by it’s fore-end, and shook it up and down, racking the slug.
Holding Isaac close in that hold, I raised the shotgun up with my right hand, feeling like a bad action hero, but hell, given the circumstances, the laws of conventional tactics are now out the window. I took aim. I guesstimated 20 meters, Dragon’s Breath should have a minimum range of thirty. Let’s hope I was right.
I pulled the trigger, even if it has no real recoil, a pillar of fire and sparks spewed from the muzzle of the shotgun. The entire center of the back wall, where the operating table was, became engulfed in hellfire unlike anything these demons had probably ever seen.
The Mossberg dropped from my right hand as I underhooked Isaac’s right arm, and gazed over at Rosanne at the girl. Rosanne had successfully escaped her grasp, mostly because, she had let go. She stared at the operating table, and then back at me in horror. Her sunken, lifeless, evil eyes now showing a very lively, very fearful stare.
Fear, on the face of those that are supposed to go bump in the night. The creatures that have plagued this place for a while. This was more definitive than the backyard, it felt right, pure, like an actual victory. The Effigy began to hiss and spark, and as I held onto Isaac, all I could mouth to the entity, the girl, was one word.
“Gotchyah”.
….
As quick as I blinked my eyes, I found myself seated in the rolling chair in my security room. Immediately, I jumped up, and looked around. Everything was just as it had been. My leather jacket over the back of the chair, rifle and plate carrier against the wall. All the monitors showing their proper views.
I swung open the door, this time, no power outages or mysterious fucking libraries barring me. “ISAAC!! ROSANNE!!! JOHN?!”.
I looked around, Isaac was passed out on the couch, hat over his face. Rosanne turned in her chair towards me, a confused expression on her face. “Dwight?.... Are you alright?”. I was speechless, I looked up, the afternoon sunlight was pouring through the windows, heavy snow built up at the edges.
Something in me finally clicked I stormed over to the couch, Knocking Isaac’s cap off with my left hand, it then slapped him across the face as my right hand gripped my glock.
“W-Wha- Dwight?!” Isaac asked confused, rubbing his face. He let out a dry burp as he stood up, and I backed off.
“You possessed?” I asked, though my words seem to not click with him.
“What?”. I stared down at him with a vengeance.
“Are. You. Possessed?”.
Isaac noticed my hand on my gun, and held his hands up in surrender. “Jesus man I know I might have demons, you know, alcoholism and shit, but they ain’t gonna kill you? Although some liquid courage might ease your nerves….”.
A hand on my left shoulder caused me to jump, backing up against the stairwell bannister. Rosanne, held her hands up, “Dwight. It’s over, alright…”.
However, I'm sad to say, it’s not. We regrouped, reassessed, went over what the hell happened. About 23 hours have passed, and while Rosanne and I know what happened, Isaac barely does. No burn marks on my back, none on Isaac....
John, however, is still gone. I searched every god damn nook and cranny, but the kid is gone. However, Rosanne says she might have a solution, after spending time with, that thing, wherever we were for those short 23 hours. She’s gone outside, says she needs to be in tune with the earth.
I guess that explains her fucking conservatory level of plants in her house. We’ve been gone for a few days so, I hope she fed and watered them in advance. Isaac says he doesn’t know what happened, but I’m not gonna be so quick to let him off the hook. Whether intentional or not, I don’t know the full extent of what happened.
I’ve barely had an hour or so to process everything. From those weird ass rooms, to the things to…. The dream. Barely enough time to really get a grasp-
It doesn’t look like it will be getting it anytime soon either, a van just pulled up to the gate. And a very familiar, stocky european man waddled out of the snow up to the intercom.
“Uh- Helo? Is ‘vis Cazamoth Estate? We got order for you, you order small armory!! Come!! Let us in!!”.
I’ve got to go…. Sort out however much gulf war lend lease Isaac purchased from these guys. Afterwards, we need to regroup with Rosanne and decide what to do next. John is still missing, and he’s out there, with whatever the source.
It’s time to end this. This is Dwight Nolan, signing off. We'll be back.
Read the story so far...

Alongside the rotation in constructed, if the pattern holds true we'll be getting a rotation in Take Two as well. Take Two's rotation is, of course, a set ahead of the constructed format so it already lost Rise of Bahamut, and will instead be losing Tempest of the Gods this time around. I figured it's worth looking at the cards we'll be losing here for any Take Two aficionados. Word of warning, I'm no Take Two expert (if I win my first 3 games, I inevitably lose my fourth somehow, every time!) so my opinions aren't necessarily very good. It's still worthwhile to have the list and more expert users comment though, I think.
A quick note, since specific cards were already removed from Take Two last December, they won't be included. Unfortunately, the news archive on the Shadowverse site is, for lack of a better term, terrible. So I had to do some digging and I think I found the full list. Now with that said, let's look at the neutrals first...
Neutral
Full list: Owlcat; Wandering Bard Elta; Axe Fighter; Grimnir, War Cyclone; Test of Strength; Goblin Princess; Arriet, Soothing Harpist; Earthshock Ogre; Israfil; Zeus (Wise Merman, Frozen Mammoth and Impartial Strix were removed in December)
Some solid cards here, though mostly in the gold and legendary tiers. Earthshock Ogre is a massive pain to me personally so I guess I'm glad to see that gone. Israfil and Zeus are also incredibly solid, especially in a format with no neutral hard removal. The only real clunker I see in the neutrals list is Test of Strength, since the others were already pruned. I guess this means the overall power level of Take Two decks might be slightly lower.
Forestcraft
Full list: Dryad; Sukuna, Brave and Small; Cybele; Beetle Warrior; Ivy Spellbomb; Vist, Elf Butler; Fairy Cage; Jungle Warden; Crystalia Aerin; Mighty Dwarf; Elf Queen; Deepwood Anomaly (Man-Eating Mangrove was removed in December)
I for one can't wait for Aerin to leave constructed. As it is, leaving Take Two is also a decent consolation. I don't pick Forest nearly enough to know what's actually good so looking at a tier list... nearly everything is at least a decent pick, with Fairy Cage being the only true clunker. The golds and legendaries are all B grade or above, other than the aforementioned Fairy Cage, and everything else is a C. So, a lot of decent stuff lost for Forest here.
Swordcraft
Full list: Naval Guard Simone; Captain Lecia; Vagabond Frog; Shrouded Assassin; Gawain of the Round Table; Tristan of the Round Table; Luminous Mage; Support Cannon; Roland the Incorruptible; Captain Walfrid (Spring Cleaning, Luminous Standard, and Jolly Rogers were removed in December)
Once again another collection of decent to great cards. Luminous Mage is an outstanding card of course, free evolutions are incredible in Take Two. Vagabond Frog is also a pretty good card, and on the legendary side Roland and Gawain are both fine cards, Gawain especially if he does actually manage to reduce the cost of anything. Support Cannon is meh, but clearly not as meh as Spring Cleaning was since that was taken out for being so bad!
Runecraft
Full list: Freshman Lou; Magic Illusionist; Enchanted Library; Dazzling Healer; Mage of Nightfall; Halo Golem; Magic Girl Melvie; Hulking Giant; Mutagenic Bolt; Elder Mage of Dragonlore; Chimera; Wordwielder Ginger (Enchanted Sword was removed in December)
Poor Rune, always a bit too reliant on synergy for the draft format. And this set of cards just proves it, with about half (Illusionist, Nightfall, Halo Golem, Elder Mage) being Earth Rite based, and the other half (Lou, Chimera, Enchanted Sword if it was still in the format) being spellboost based. Still, for those times you could get sigils, the set here uses them quite well, so that type of deck definitely suffers from the loss. Chimera is also a good tempo tool if you can boost it enough, so that's a potential loss. At least Ginger isn't a huge loss I guess.
Dragoncraft
Full list: Dragon's Nest; Aqua Nereid; Dragoon Scyther; Wind Reader Zell; Rahab; Dragonslayer's Price; Hippocampus; Wrath Drake; Sibyl of the Waterwyrm; Phoenix Rider Aina; Lightning Blast; Ouroboros (Venomous Pucewyrm was removed in December)
Sibyl, gone. Scyther, gone. Wrath Drake, gone. Ouroboros, gone. This set hits Dragon quite hard, some of their best cards are here across the rarity spectrum. Heck even Rahab, which apparently only merits a C on the tier list, I'd consider a pretty good card. Not much else to say here, Dragon took a setback here.
Shadowcraft
Full list: Little Soulsquasher; Zombie Party; Grave Desecration; Goblin Zombie; Orthrus; Prince Catacomb; Minthe of the Underworld; Death's Ledger; Dolorblade Warrior; Ebon Reaper; Demonlord Eachtar; Immortal Thane (Deadmoon Disciple was removed in December)
I might have to take the honor of "most affected by this set leaving" from Dragon already. Eachtar is enough, but Soulsquasher, Thane, Ebon Reaper, Zombie Party, Orthrus, Shadow loses so much here. Even Dolorblade Warrior isn't the worst pick in the world. Death's Ledger is the only below average card here, the rest are almost entirely outstanding. The card quality is still high in the remaining sets, but this is nonetheless a hard hit for Shadow.
Bloodcraft
Full list: Spiderweb Imp; Baphomet; Galretto, Devil of Love; Mask of the Black Death; Frogbat; Blood Moon; Belphegor; Dark Airjammer; Stolen Life; Soul Dominator; Maelstrom Serpent (Assault Werewolf and Vlad were removed in December)
Nothing spectacular here, but not much disappointing either. Blood Moon is another one of those amulets you don't really want in Take Two, otherwise I'd be ok taking pretty much any of the rest. Three 2-drops from Blood could hurt a lot though, more than any other class so far.
Havencraft
Full list: Mist Shaman; Holy Bowman Kel; Zoe, Queen of Goldenia; Octobishop; Iron Maiden; Gravekeeper Sonia; Calydonian Boar; Judge of Retribution; Dark Jeanne; Tarnished Grail; Heavenly Aegis (Candelabra of Prayers and Pure Healer were removed in December)
Huzzah, I no longer have to seriously consider Moonman when he's up against something actually good, on the off chance I come up against Aegis! A lot of other good cards here too, including Dark Jeanne, Judge of Retribution, and Octobishop. I always thought of Haven as a sub-standard class for Take Two, and since this appears to be their best set then it becomes even worse unless DBNE can introduce some stunning cards for them.
And there's my sub-par analysis of the Take Two landscape. I really don't play the mode enough, but having the full list I thought might help those who play it more. I'd definitely like to hear your analysis of these losses, and what classes you want to play once the rotation hits.

NOTE: This guide is well over 40k characters, so I can't fit it in one post. As such the first part discusses Forestcraft, Swordcraft and Runecraft and features a general introduction. This part deals with Dragoncraft, Shadowcraft, Bloodcraft and Havencraft.
DRAGONCRAFT
Dragoncraft is a class relying on ramping and playing a lot of big threats. It has two class mechanics: discard and ramp. Discard Dragon is and always has been trash tier, since you have to constantly discard cards, so often you will discard cards that you actually wanted to keep and you can dig through your deck so fast that you die to fatigue. Ramping is where the strength of the class really is. Dragon has a lot of big followers, plenty of small healing possibilities to negate chip damage, tier 1 boardswipes, storm followers and will be able to consistently play all of those 2-4 four turn earlier then any other class could. All of this of course only true if Dragon is allowed to ramp. In earlier expansions early pressure through a wide board was the best way to counter Dragon, but with Prime Dragon Keeper Dragon can now do board spam on top of all the ramped out big threats.

• Storm Ramp (meta) - The dethroned king of Dragon decks. The idea with this one is that it runs less of the Sahaquiel (or even cuts it completely) and relies on some combination of Forte, Genesis Dragon, Urd, Arriet and Queen of the Dread Sea, usually being able to output near-OTK levels of Damage. It however suffered from the same weaknesses as the other Dragon decks: weak against strong early aggression. I would still consider it playable in the meta, it's just that with PDK there's no real reason to do so.
  
• Neutral Ramp, a.k.a. Wallet Dragon (meta) - This is by far the most expensive deck in the game. Some versions can go up to 90k vials. It's somewhat slower than Storm Ramp: the idea is to crush the opponents board presence completely while continuously healing back while leaving big threats on the board. The top end of the deck is made out of high value Neutral legendaries. This deck has less storm and relies on making the opponent run out of answers for its big threats. Problem is actually getting there, Dragon usually reaches it’s ramping peak around turn 6-7: that when they have the biggest lead in maximum mana and can start exhausting opponents with dropping big threat after big threat. Problem is that games end around turn 6-7 these days, so Dragon simply doesn't have the time to play its hand out with this deck. Also, PDK is cheaper and way more effective. I'll leave it as meta, as it's not abysmal in terms of winrates, there's just zero reason to play this over PDK right now.
  
• PDK (meta) - The ultimate tier 1 metadeck right now. A mixture of midrange and ramp. It cuts most of the high cost powerhouses that Dragon usually, some of it's removals and sometimes even some of the ramp cards in exchange for low cost followers that can proc Prime Dragon Keeper. To answer this, the opponent has to be able to clear the board of small followers and a 5 or 7 health unattackable follower. And even if that happens, PDK decks run Forte and genesis Dragon finish up the wounded opponent anyways. There are decks that do okay-ish against this, but no clear counters with very reliable winrates.
  
• Neutral (off-meta) - Dragon could use the Alice package as well, but it never had proper support for it to catch on even before the Alice nerf nuked Neutral Aggro to oblivion. It was not really a meta deck then, and it sure isn't now.
  
• Face (off-meta) – It is an aggro deck that aims to establish early game presence, then use storm followers (mostly Forte) to go face while the opponent is preoccupied with taking the board back. It is far outperformed by other aggro decks.
  
• Discard (off-meta) – Uses cards like Dracomancer's Rites, Imperial Dragoon and Angel Crusher to cycle through the deck fast, get the cards it needs and then press for the win. It is unreliable, can burn cards that you would need and extremely draw dependent. It never left meme-tier.
  
• OTK (off-meta) - Uses a combination of Wildfang Dragonnewt and Altered Fate to achieve a serious burst. The rest of the deck was usually a low curve ramp core. It is unreliable, since you need multiple Wildfangs in your hand with only one Altered Fate and then pull another Altered Fate from the first one to make it really OTK. Plus it's a late game combo.
  
• JO (off-meta) – Uses Dragonclaw Pendant and a lot of normally small face burns to the lethal. Unfortunately the Pendant is a very slow play and you need quite a lot of small burns after that to make up for the immense tempo loss. There's simply not enough time to actually do that, especially when you essentially did nothing on turn 5 (or for 5 mana if you've ramped). Although the deck got some support with Python (can guarantee Astaroth's Reckoning from the Apocalypse deck, which is OTK with the Pendant on board), it's still way too gimmicky to be anything but meme.
  
• Flute (off-meta) – Uses Dragonsong Flute, some key high cost cards, ramp, card draw and a lot of 1-3 cards to create a midgame torrent of rush followers. Strictly worse than either normal version of Ramp and a lot less flexible. It has a similar playstyle as PDK, except PDK is actually playable.
  
• Roost (off-meta) - Uses Phoenix Roost for immense tempo gain. On one hand it makes a lot VERY powerful combos possible (Genesis Dragon + Urd + Urd for 21 face damage without evolve, Bahamut + Wind Reader Zell for complete boardclear and 13 face damage on turn 7, etc.), on the other your opponent will be able to abuse the effect first, so you might immediately lose after playing it. It's the ultimate gamble deck: after dropping Roost someone almost always goes down the next turn, you just can't be sure whether it'll be you or your opponent. Because of this inherent risk the deck has never been and will never be meta.
  

CARDLIST

Card Name	Neutral Ramp	Storm Ramp	PDK
Goblin	-	-	tech
Staircase to Paradise	tech	tech	2-3
Ivory Dragon	tech	tech	2-3
Blazing Breath	2-3	2-3	tech
Dragon's Nest	tech	tech	-
Maelstorm Dragon	-	-	tech
Fire Lizard	-	-	tech
Mushussu	-	-	tech
Dragontamer	-	-	tech
Dragon Summoner	tech	2-3	2-3
Dragonrearer Matilda	-	-	3
Dragon Oracle	3	3	2-3
Dragon Emissary	-	tech	-
Breath of the Salamander	2-3	2-3	1-2
Dragon's Foresight	-	-	tech
Grimnir, War Cyclone	tech	tech	-
Aiela, Dragon Knight	3	3	3
Eyfa, Wyvern Rider	-	-	tech
Dragoon Scyther	3	3	3
Star Phoenix	-	-	tech
Prime Dragon Keeper	tech	tech	3
Avowed Strike	-	tech	-
Urd	tech	2-3	tech
Rahab	tech	tech	-
Dance of Death	-	-	tech
Seabrand Dragon	-	tech	-
Wrath Drake	tech	tech	-
Sibyl of the Waterwyrm	3	3	3
Draconic Fervor	3	3	3
Dark Dragoon Forte	tech	2-3	2-3
Sahaquiel	3	tech	-
Arriet, Soothing Harpist	-	tech	-
Conflagration	tech	tech	-
Lucifer	2-3	tech	-
Odin	tech	tech	-
Ouroboros	tech	-	-
Jabberwock	-	tech	-
Dark Angel Olivia	tech	-	-
Israfil	2-3	tech	-
Polyphonic Roar	tech	tech	-
Prince of Darkness	tech	-	-
Bahamut	3	2-3	tech
Zeus	tech	tech	-
Queen of the Dread Sea	-	2-3	-
Genesis Dragon	tech	2-3	tech

OFF-META LEGENDARIES
Has potential:

• Imperial Dragoon - It's a decent finisher if you don't have all the high cost finishers to make a Dragon deck. Beyond that he is good for Discard, but that's hardly ever going to be meta at this rate. It's a decent card, with some potential.
• Wyrm God of the Skies - Very powerful card effect, however it's slow and the current even without PDK ramp lists have more than enough high cost followers. It can be teched in Strom Ramp lists, but honestly the card would need some form of support to make it really good. Still, it's a very powerful effect that has future potential, so I'd keep it.
• Python - Pretty much the same deal as with Wyrm God: powerful effect, but the high cost makes it too slow. Also, Dragon has no instawin cards on 10. Dread Queen combos require either Urd or Arriet, both of which will be discarded by Python. So again, powerful card with future potential that just doesn't really work right now.

Probably can be liquefied:

• Dragonsong Flute - Same mechanic Prime Dragon Keeper, except without the boardclear and faceburn effect. 2 mana 4/3 rushes are pretty strong... but you will run out of cards and you cannot even use Staircase to Paradise to refill, as that will be transformed as well and the 4/3s are pretty easy to clear. It's a meme deck that has never been and more than likely never will be meta.
  
• Zirnitra - Originally I've actually featured her as a tech choice in Storm Ramp Dragon to create high cost storm followers with Jabberwock, but as someone rightfully pointed it out, that was more wishful thinking than reality. It somewhat still worked last meta, but was never truly optimal. Her only option is to be used a fodder for Jabberwock, but with PDK, there are much better options for that. Overall she has been powercreeped to oblivion. Maybe keep one as a tech choice, but that's about it.
  
• Fafnir - I mean... Bahamut exists, so what's the point?
  

SHADOWCRAFT
Shadowcraft uses its graveyard (shadows) as a resource and plays sticky followers with powerful on death effects. Its class mechanic is necromancy: you can pay with shadows for powerful effects. The deck has multiple archetypes available, most of them being tier 2, as they are either not consistent enough to be tier one or are just destroyed by PDK.

• Midrange (meta) – Ah the good ol' Eachtar deck, the bane of meta for long months. The idea is to spam sticky followers that spam more followers on death to ramp up shadows while maintaining tempo and then drop Eachtar on 7 for lethal if you have a board or for flipping the tempo in your favor if you haven’t. even with the Eachtar nerf, the deck is still very much serviceable. It's no longer the meta defining tier 1 deck it used to be, but it's a very solid tier 2 choice.
  
• Nephthys (meta) - The idea is that you only run followers in 4 manaslots, so that you can get a consistent effect out of Neph, resulting in an explosive turn 8. While the deck got some support from Twilight Queen, it's somewhat too slow right now. Still, it's decent enough and played enough for me to consider it meta. You will notice that with this I have marked a lot of cards with "tech". The reason for that is because there are two main variants: 2378 and 2478. The number represents the PP-slots in which you have followers. So 3 and 4 drops are mutually exclusive in this deck: you ran either 3 drops or 4, but never both to guarantee Neph pulling both Khawy and Mordecai on an empty board on turn 8. 2378 Neph was the more powerful version previously, however with Twilight Queen and Ceres this might have changed in favor of the 2478 version.
  
• Atomy, a.k.a. Atomeme (meta) - Atomy has been around as a meme wincon since the start of the game, but for the first time ever his deck is actually meta. Wins tourneys and can contest some of the most insane meta decks around thanks to most Staircase to Paradise. The issue with Atomy was always that even if you dropped him early, you emptied your hand fo it, so if your opponent killed him off and you didn't topdeck something amazing, the match was over as early as turn 3. With Staircase to Paradise this is no longer an issue and Atomy decks can cycle through their decks potentially even faster than Tempo Rune with Daria. You can deck out by turn 8 or so easily.
  
• Aggro (off-meta) – This was supposed to be a tempo deck so fast, that it aimed to win before Eachtar would even come out. For that it heavily relied on Shadow Reaper and Prince of Catacombs, both of which got nerfed quite a while ago. Now, Aggro Shadow still has options, but those cannot really contest other aggro decks in the meta, so it's best to build those tools into a more midrange oriented deck.
  
• Neutral (off-meta) – Same Alice package as every other Neutral deck either mixed with Midrange’s power tools (Death’s Breath, Eachtar). As with almost every other Neutral deck, Alice's nerf killed it and wasn't really good even before.
  
• Control (off-meta) - Never really worked well, mostly because it lacks any real wincondition. The idea is to use sticky followers and some of the numerous removals the craft has to stay alive and then drop some Neutral wincon or win through attrition. It was never really good, but with the new expansions grinder control decks are officially dead (unfortunately), so this one is completely obsolete.
  
• Tyrant (off-meta) - Relies on an activated Death Tyrant to win with a sudden burst. Now dedicated Tyrant decks that entirely rely on him to win are not meta, but Tyrant himself has become a secondary surprise wincondition for Atomy decks and to a lesser degree for Midrange Shadow as well.
  
• Jankmail (off-meta) - A new meme deck that will more than likely never become meta. The idea is to combine Mail of Obliteration with Ephemera and Siren's Tears to make one gigantic Ambush follower that can go face next turn. About as fast as Midrange, but a LOT less reliable and easier to deny it's wincon.
  
• Corpselord (off-meta) - Uses Corpselord of Woe with Minthe to create a hard to remove early midgame threat. Problem is that both of those cards are subpar and rely on the other to make them serviceable, so the deck is inconsistent and even with a good hand, doesn't have a significantly stronger early board than Midrange Shadow, while the latter is a lot more consistent.
  

Dark Alice (off-meta) - Centered around dark Alice, the idea of the deck is to use Midrange's tools for the early and midgame to stay alive, then drop Dark Alice which will destroy all the those by then mostly irrelevant tools and guarantees you to draw your Neutral late game. Not a bad deck per say, but Nephthys is more reliable against most control and ramp decks, while Midrange is faster and usually more reliable at closing games around turn 7-8.
CARDLIST

Card Name	Midrange	Nephthys	Atomy
Staircase to Paradise	tech	tech	3
Skull Beast	2-3	-	3
Deadmoon Disciple	tech	-	tech
Soul Conversion	2-3	3	3
Burial Grounds	-	-	tech
Ghouls' Banquet	-	-	tech
Haunted House	tech	-	2-3
Bellringer Angel	-	tech	-
Unicorn Dancer Unica	tech	tech	-
Lyrial, Celestial Archer	2-3	tech	-
Wandering Bard Elta	-	-	tech
Spartoi Sergeant	2-3	tech	-
Skullcradle Widow	tech	tech	tech
Lesser Mummy	tech	-	-
Dark Conjurer	tech	-	-
Lurching Corpse	3	3	3
Little Soulsquasher	3	2-3	2-3
Demon Eater	3	3	3
Usher of Styx	tech	tech	tech
Belenus	2-3	2-3	2-3
Andrealphus	2-3	2-3	3
Undying Resentment	tech	2-3	-
Zombie Party	3	3	tech
Gloaming Tombs	-	-	tech
Gourmet Emperor Khaiza	tech	tech	-
Grimnir, War Cyclone	tech	tech	-
Purehearted Singer	-	-	tech
Test of Strength	-	tech	-
Frozen Mammoth	-	-	tech
Rabbit Necromancer	tech	-	-
Spartoi Soldier	tech	tech	tech
Bone Chimera	2-3	tech	3
Attendant of Night	2-3	tech	tech
Soul Hunt	-	tech	-
Foul Tempest	-	2-3	-
Deathbrand	tech	tech	-
Voices of Resentment	tech	tech	tech
Pact with the Nethergod	-	tech	-
Troth's Curse	tech	2-3	-
Urd	-	tech	-
Ephemera, Angelic Slacker	tech	-	-
Playful Necromancer	-	-	tech
Hell's Unleasher	-	tech	-
Necroassassin	2-3	tech	-
Orthrus	tech	-	-
Prince Catacomb	2-3	-	-
Ceres of the Night	3	tech	tech
Twilight Queen	tech	tech	-
Phantom Howl	tech	tech	-
Death's Ledger	tech	-	-
Goblin Princess	tech	-	-
Dance of Death	tech	tech	-
Cerberus	tech	-	-
Ceridwen	-	-	tech
Dark Bladefiend	2-3	-	-
Deathly Tyrant	tech	-	2-3
Odile, Black Swan	tech	-	-
Death's Breath	3	2-3	-
Arriet, Soothing Harpist	-	-	tech
Underworld Watchman Khawy	tech	3	-
Immortal Thane	2-3	-	-
Demonlord Eachtar	2-3	-	-
Mist of Extinction	-	tech	-
Mordecai the Duelist	tech	2-3	-
Nephthys	-	3	-
Lord Atomy	-	-	3

OFF-META LEGENDARIES
Has potential:

• Minthe of the Underworld - Very powerful effect, but she has no fitting place anywhere. Her effect is really good in the early to midgame, as by the lategame you will be swimming in shadows anyway. Problem is there are no really powerful 1-2 drops that she could enable and she will NOT survive a turn. Can be used in a Corpselord deck, but that's meme territory. Still, her effect is powerful, so all she needs is one early game card with a powerful necromancy effect to be amazing and that can easily happen.
  
• Dark Alice - Interesting effect, essentially Mordecai one turn earlier, but she has anti-synergy with herself and Neph, so you will not have more than one of her on the board ever. sure, you can pack the deck full with the Sahaquiel package to, but Neutral cards have no good boardclears and are lacking good removals compared to Shadow, so if you are not already winning, the opponent can potentially stall easily enough for Dark Alice decks to run out of cards. Still, it's a powerful effect with some potential.
  

Probably can be liquefied:

• Corpselord of Woe - Unlike a lot of cards in this category, he is not pure trash. He can be played in a meme deck with Minthe, but that deck has never been strong enough to be meta and probably never will. The effect of this card is just too slow for that. So if you want to meme around with it, keep him, he's alright. But as this is a meta card guide and this card will probably never be meta... well, yeah, I can't really put him in the "has potential" group, now can I?
  
• Lord of the Flies - This is easily the best card among all crafts that I will put in the "probably can be liquefied" group. In almost any other craft he would certainly see play. But the 7 PP slot for Shadow is pure insanity in terms of value. LotF can never hope to compete with Eachtar and Thane in Mid shadow, has no Synergy with Neph and anti-synergistic with Dark Alice. He has simply no deck to be fit into and that's not likely to change.
  
• Mail of Obliteration - As I've said, the 7 PP slot for Shadow is value-city. And this one is pure trash. If you don't want to meme around with a Jankmail deck, then just get rid of it.
  
• Pluto - Way too expensive for a single target removal, especially considering that hardly anyone uses big, destroyable beatsticks. Just use Pact with the Nethergod for a better, more flexible version.
  

BLOODCRAFT
Bloodcraft is a high risk, high reward craft that uses its own health pool as a resource. The craft's specific trait is vengeance, which activates either by dropping to or below 10 health or by having a Blood Moon amulet on the board. Blood is in a fairly bad position right now, as both top tier decks work through out-of-hand bursts, so hitting losing health from symmetrical damage or hitting vengeance is a very bad idea. And without either of those Blood essentially looses its entire toolbox and with the Alice nerfs it can't really fall back on playing a Neutral deck either. Aggro and Vengeance Blood, as always, can still potentially highroll opponents, but nowhere near consistently enough.

• Aggro (meta) – It relies on symmetrical damage, storm followers and Forest Bat synergies and works through chip damage, however it is very aggressive, with good draws can win by turn 4. Its weakness is that through the symmetrical damage it also hurts itself and runs few to no cards to regain life. It wins or loses by turn 7 at the latest. It’s one of the cheapest "real" decks, so you will meet a lot of it on the lower tiers of ranked.
  
• Vengeance (meta) – An archetype that was pushed by Cygames since day one but only became really viable with Tempest of the Gods. The idea is to play mostly cheap wards till turn 4, on which you drop down to 10 health intentionally and then flood the board on turn 5 through vengeance effects. It's an all in deck, if it loses the board past turn 5 it will most likely lose. However, if the opponent can't clear the board on turn 5 then it can snowball into a total victory in a turn or two. It's not the best deck in the current meta, as both PDK and Aggro sword has more than enough burst to kill Blood form 10. However, Vengeance has enough board presence, wards and heal to have a decent chance against Aggro sword and at the same time agressive enough to potentially pressure PDK, so it still fares better than control.
  
• Control (off-meta) – Uses a lot of drain cards to control the board and keep its life total high enough, Blood Moon to keep vengeance active despite a high health total. It was a very good anti-meta deck last meta, as the deck does VERY well against wide boardspam and any aggro that doesn't rely overwhelmingly on storm followers. Unfortunately the current tier 1 decks are all terrible matchups for Control Blood. It might make a comeback after the nerfs at the end of the month, but for now I can't really consider it meta.
  
• Neutral (off-meta) – Uses the usual Alice package with Phantom Cat and Aggro's burn spells to win in the early to midgame. It was the absolute cancer deck for about a month after WD's release, but then was nerfed to the ground. These days there's absolutely zero reason to play this over Aggro, Vengeance or Control.
  
• Serpent (off-meta) - Uses the newly introduced serpent synergies with Venomfang Medusa. It's both slower and less aggressive than the old bat synergies, so sees pretty much no play on ranked.
  

CARDLIST

Card Name	Aggro	Vengeance
Goblin	tech	tech
Staircase to Paradise	-	tech
Ambling Wraith	3	2-3
Cursebrand Vampire	2-3	-
Bloodfed Flowerbed	tech	-
Unicorn Dancer Unica	-	tech
Blood Wolf	3	3
Vania, Vampire Princess	3	-
Yurius, Levin Duke	3	tech
Spiderweb Imp	tech	3
Baphomet	tech	tech
Boy Who Cried wolf	tech	-
Scorpius	-	tech
Demonic Ram	tech	tech
Razory Claw	3	3
Summon Bloodkin	3	-
Vampiric Kiss	-	tech
Hungering Horde	-	tech
Snarling Chains	-	tech
Vampiric Fortress	tech	-
Mask of the Black Death	-	tech
Angel of the Word	tech	tech
Grimnir, War Cyclone	-	tech
Killer Devil	tech	-
Succubus	-	2-3
Devil of Vengeance	-	tech
Demon Commander Laura	-	tech
Mini Soul Devil	tech	-
Veight, Vampiric Noble	tech	-
Disagreeable Demon	tech	2-3
Fanged Serpent	2-3	tech
Ephemera, Angelic Slacker	tech	-
Demonic Strike	tech	tech
Venomfang Medusa	tech	-
Dark General	tech	3
Soul Dealer	-	tech
Belphegor	-	3
Night Horde	1-2	-
Dance of Death	1-2	1-2
Dark Airjammer	-	3
Big Knuckle Bodyguard	tech	tech
Scarlet Sabreur	-	tech
Diabolic Drain	-	3
Imp Lancer	2-3	tech
Carabosse, Wicked Fairy	3	3
Demonic Storm	tech	tech
Alucard	-	tech
Emeralda, Demonic Officer	-	tech
Revelation	-	tech

OFF-META LEGENDARIES
Has potential:

• Bloody Mary - sigh I keep putting her on this list every time I make these guides, because a genuinely believe that she is good. It's just that there are always better tools for Control Blood to play with, especially now that Jormungand is here. Her effect is still useful though and can be played on ranked, even if she probably never become the most optimal card for any deck at this point.
  
• Queen Vampire - Heavily powercreeped card at this point, but Control Blood severely lacks wards, so she can be a decent tech choice against roaches if it comes to that. Other than that, she is not that great, but being a decent tech choices saves her from being useless as far as I'm concerned.
  
• Jormungand - We will definitely see more of this card after the nerfs. Control Blood decks with it are almost decent even in the current meta, I wouldn't be surprised to see it rise to a solid tier 2 level. Definitely a keeper.
  
• Maelstorm Serpent - As a main wincondition it's too slow, but a surprise secondary wincondition it won me quite a few games during the last meta and has the potential to continue doing so, as the only Dragon and Haven, has easy replies to it (ramped out Bahamut and Themis respectively). You will probably never need 3, but I'd definitely keep 1-2.
  
• Bloodhungry Matriarch - Almost the same deal as Maelstorm Serpent: it's a fairly decent tech choice, especially now that Alice doesn't buff your opponents out of range. Again, you will probably never need 3, but I'll myself keep 2 around.
  
• Spawn of the Abyss - Very powerful wincon for Control blood that requires immediate answer. Definitely a keeper.
  

Probably can be liquefied:

• Beast Dominator - An uninteresting beatstick with a downside. I can't imagine seeing any play in the meta ever. Blood has way better tools for any purpose. Also, you can use Sadistic Night for a lot more flexible use instead.

HAVENCRAFT
Haven is a slow class relying on stalling, healing and boardclears to get to the point where it can activate one of its very strong winconditions. Storm Haven is the exception, which plays like an aggro deck, but in good Haven fashion it's possibly the slowest aggro deck to the point where it's more like a midrange deck. Haven has a lot of healing, removals and quite a few wards. Generally the best way to approach it is rushing it down early on, because Haven is quite bad against early pressure. Well, okay, there was Neutral Haven last expansion which was basically Haven's version tempo Rune, but that got nerfed to the ground so hard that it will hardly ever become meta again.

• Storm (meta) – The one and only aggressive Haven deck. It relies on storm followers coming from amulets, preferably multiple in the same turn. Then it uses other cards to pop these amulets sooner and to buff them. The positive side of that is that it can create huge burst turns. The downside is that the opponent will know that said burst turn is coming and can prepare. still, it's the only Haven deck with an overall positive winrate as it can match Aggro Sword and has a decent enough chance against PDK.
  
• Aegis (meta) – The basic idea: survive until turn 9, drop the big unremovable fella and then crush your opponent's face with it. The deck uses a lot of removals and stall tools. Even with all of Haven's heals and stalls, it's not easy to survive till turn 10 to actually go face with Aegis against all the PDK Dragons out there.
  
• Neutral (off-meta) – Uses the Alice package and sustains tempo with Lion of the Golden City plus some storm amulets. with both Alice and the Lion getting nerfed, it's out of he meta for good.
  
• Elana (off-meta) – The idea here is to drop Elana's Prayer and then play as many followers with face heal as possible, quickly buffing them out of control. However, a 3-mana-do-nothing amulet that only going to get value in the long run is just way too slow to have any potential right now.
  
• Seraph (off-meta) – The wincondition is dropping Seraph on turn 8, then popping it on turn 9, but, well, it requires a lot of combo cards to activate Seraph and getting away with an “8 mana – do nothing” play is… well, let’s just say that it won’t happen. Or rather, you will be dead before turn 8.
  
• Guardian Sun (off-meta) - Uses the Guardian Sun Amulet to create a lot of wards to protect its face. Can counter Aggro Sword pretty hard, but gets obliterated by PDK Dragon.
  
• Countdown (off-meta) – Uses Eidolon of Madness, or – for the hardcore masochists – Skullfane to pop a lot of amulets at the same time. Weak to boardclears and removals, slow and lacks a quick enough wincon. A somewhat different version relies on Candelabra of Prayers.
  
• PtP (off-meta) – Same as the other Purgatory decks, this one uses Hare of Illusions aside of Altered Fate to ramp those shadows up. Even weaker than the Forest and Rune versions, and not even those see any play these days.
  
• Grail (off-meta) - A somewhat better variation of Countdown, this one uses Tarnished Grail to get 3 Apocalypse cards and win from those. It has the same issue as Seraph: dropping the amulet is such an immense tempo loss that you can't really get away with it.
  

CARDLIST

Card Name	Storm	Aegis
Pinion Prayer	tech	-
Sacred Plea	tech	tech
Globe of the Starways	3	3
Unicorn Dancer Unica	tech	tech
Lyrial, Celestial Angel	tech	tech
Snake Priestess	-	tech
Mainyu	tech	tech
Heavenly Hound	-	tech
Frog Cleric	-	tech
Luxwing Reno	tech	-
Naoise, Red Branch Knight	-	tech
Princess Snow White	-	2-3
Hallowed Dogma	3	3
Blackened Scripture	2-3	3
Monastic Holy Water	-	tech
Beastcall Aria	3	3
Red-Hot Boots	tech	2-3
Angel of the Word	tech	-
Grimnior, War Cyclone	-	tech
Sister Initiate	tech	-
Temple Defender	-	tech
Prism Priestess	-	tech
White Tiger	tech	tech
Star Torrent	-	tech
Divine Birdsong	3	tech
Urd	tech	-
Ephemera, Angelic Slacker	tech	-
Priest of the Cudgel	2-3	3
Birdkeeping Disciple	tech	-
Tribunal of Good and Evil	2-3	3
Iron Maiden	-	tech
Dance of Death	tech	-
Cleric Lancer	-	2-3
Radience Angel	-	tech
Ancient Lion Spirit	tech	1-2
March Hare's teatime	2-3	2-3
Moon Al-mi'raj	tech	-
Winged Sentinel Garuda	3	2-3
Dark Jeanne	tech	tech
Aether of the White Wing	-	3
Themis's Decree	tech	3
Curate	tech	1-2
Taurus the Great	2-3	tech
Heavenly Aegis	tech	3
Bahamut	-	tech

OFF-META LEGENDARIES
Has potential:

• Heresy's Avatar - A new card with a very powerful effect, but i's a bit slow for the current meta. It can only get better as we get more and more amulets with the new expansions. definitely has potential.
  
• Enstatued Seraph - Seraph requires a deck build around. While this deck was never tier 1, it always finds its way back to the meta as a tier 2 deck after the first set of nerfs with each expansion. I don't expect that to change, so I'll definitely keep it.
  

Probably can be liquefied:
Eidolon of Madness - It enables some very fun meme decks, but it's way too slow and conditional for it ever to be meta. So if playing janky, but fun decks interests you, I'd keep it, otherwise you are safe to vial him.
Skullfane - Believe it or not, I actually played him during the last expansion in a Grail deck. However with Zodiac Demon and Heresy's avatar, Skullfane became even less viable than before and he was already a weak meme.
Jeanne d'Arc - Ultimately an anti-aggro card on turn 8. And that's the problem: Aggro will have either overrun you by them or conceded. And she's not particularly good against anything else. She was pretty weak from the get go and just got more and more left behind by the meta.
Lion of the Golden City - The core of the Neutral Haven deck that was the bane of the meta last month. However, that deck got double nerfed: both Alice and Lion got hit pretty hard. And without the Neutral core, he is very weak. And considering how much the neutral meta was hate by players, I highly doubt that Cygames will ever enable any powerful Neutral Aggro decks again and an aggressive Neutral Haven deck is pretty much the only one where Lion of the Golden City can be played in. Also, since he was nerfed last month, you can safely sell him, since he'll give you his crafting price until the end of the month.
OFF-META NEUTRAL LEGENDARIES
Has potential:

• Zodiac Demon - Has some serious potential with Jormungand and Heresy's Avatar and might receive further support in later packs as well. The meta is too fast for him right now, but I'd be surprised if he wouldn't find his way into at least tier 2 decks after the first set of nerfs.
  
• Odin - I think I listed him as a niche tech choice here and there and that's exactly what he is: a tech choice against Beauty and the Beast, Enstatued Seraph, Mordecai, etc. He will be always marginally useful as the only neutral card that can banish anything (aside of Aegis of course).
  
• Dark Angel Olivia - Same as Odin: a niche tech choice for control decks.
  
• Prince of Darkness - The ultimate Neutral wincondition. Can be fitted into any and every Control decks that don't have a definitive earlier wincon. while he is too slow to ever be in a tier 1 deck, he always finds his way into tier 2-3 decks in practically every meta.
  
• Loki - Strong effect, but slow cards. Has potential to be meta, although with the game's design direction, I don't expect him to be ever be in any tier 1 decks.
  

Probably can be liquefied:

• Alice, Wonderland Explorer - How the mighty have fallen. She was the scourge of ranked for 3 months. And she is trash tier on the level of Pluto of Skullfane. Yes, nerfing her was inevitable, but I maintain my probably very unpopular opinion that her nerf was a Blizzard style overkill. Simply raising her cost by 1 would have weakened Neutral Aggro enough. But what's done is done, vial away, she gives full crafting price this month and will probably never be even remotely good again after how hated the neutral archetype was.
  
• Gabriel - There's only one situation where she is good: if you have a weak follower on the field, no storm or face burn and only need a little bit of push for lethal with no opposing wards on the field. That's a textbook example of niche, so pretty much nobody uses her aside of total beginners who don't know what's what or got the short end of stick in terms of legendaries.
  

Basic

	Bronze	Silver	Gold	Legendary
Forestcraft	Water Fairy	Elf Metallurgist
	Elf Guard	Rose Gardener
	Fairy Whisperer	Magna Botanist
	Sylvan Justice
	Dark Elf Faure
	Okami
	Treant
	Elf Tracker
Swordcraft	Quickblader	Floral Fencer
	Kunoichi Trainee	Royal Banner
	Oathless Knight	Sage Commander
	Unbridled Fury
	Ascetic Knight
	Forge Weaponry
	White General
	Ninja Master
Runecraft	Insight	Demonflame Mage
	Conjure Golem	Lightning Shooter
	Magic Missile	Flame Destroyer
	Sammy, Wizard's Apprentice
	Wind Blast
	Summon Snow
	Conjure Twosome
	Fiery Embrace
Dragoncraft	Blazing Breath	Dragon Warrior
	Dragon Oracle	Dread Dragon
	Dragonrider	Conflagration
	Firstborn Dragon
	Death Dragon
	Serpent Wrath
	Disaster Dragon
	Dragonguard
Shadowcraft	Spartoi Sergeant	Hell's Unleasher
	Spectre	Playful Necromancer
	Undying Resentment	Undead King
	Apprentice Necromancer
	Elder Spartoi Soldier
	Call of the Void
	Gravewaker
	Ghostly Rider
Bloodcraft	Blood Pact	Wardrobe Raider
	Nightmare	Demonic Storm
	Razory Claw	Abyss Beast
	Sweetfang Vampire
	Crazed Executioner
	Crimson Purge
	Dark General
	Imp Lancer
Havencraft	Summon Pegasus	Priest of the Cudgel
	Beastly Vow	Greater Priestess
	Blackened Scripture	Dual Flames
	Hallowed Dogma
	Snake Priestess
	Featherwyrm's Descent
	Acolyte's Light
	Curate
Neutral	Goblin		Harnessed Flame	Flame and Glass (uncollectible)
	Fighter		Harnessed Glass
	Well of Destiny
	Mercenary Drifter
	Goliath
	Angelic Sword Maiden

Standard

	Bronze	Silver	Gold	Legendary
Forestcraft	Elf Child May	Woodland Refuge	Rhinoceroach	Ancient Elf
	Fairy Champion	Blessed Fairy Dancer	Petal Fencer	Fairy Princess
	Fairy Circle	Carnivorous Flower	Noble Fairy	Rose Queen
	Nature's Guidance	Tam Lin	Robin Hood
	Dungeoncrawl Fairy	Waltzing Fairy	Titania's Sanctuary
	Elf Wanderer	Elven Princess Mage	Will of the Forest
	Fairy Bringer	Harvest Festival	Homecoming
	Forest of Dreams	Mana Elk	Ancient Forest Dragon
	Pixie Mischief	Elf Prophetess	Silver Bolt
	Wandering Elf Mage	Elder Treant
	Woodkin Curse	Fairy Beast
	Archer	Forest Archelon
	Elemental Lance	Forest Giant
	Fen Sprite
	Pixie Paradise
	Way of the Outlaw
	Fairy Caster
Swordcraft	Ninja Trainee	Assassin	Front Lines	Aurelia, Regal Saber
	Vanguard	Conscription	Gemstaff Commander	Sea Queen Otohime
	Centaur Vanguard	Ironwrought Fortress	Latham, Vanguard Captain	Tsubaki
	Cyclone Soldier	Luminous Knight	Shadowed Assassin
	Fervid Soldier	Maid Leader	Stratagem
	Palace Fencer	Princess Vanguard	Arthurian Light
	Veteran Lancer	Navy Lieutenant	Alwida's Command
	Fencer	Pompous Princess	Frontguard General
	Giant Slayer	Cursed General	Dragonewt Charlotte
	Novice Trooper	Swordsman
	Snippy Gardener	Noble Knight
	Courageous Knight	Percival
	Rousing Step	Enraged General
	Onslaught
	Sentry
	Admiral
	Warbound Cavalier
Runecraft	Apprentice Alchemist	Commence Experiment	First Curse	Merlin
	Crafty Warlock	Scholary Witch	Fire Chain	Arch Summoner Erasmus
	Kaleidoscopic Glow	Petrification	Ancient Alchemist	Mythril Golem
	Penguin Wizard	Price of Magic	Conjuring Force
	Teachings of Creation	Sorcery Cache	Winter's Caprice
	Elementary Alchemy	Spectral Wizard	Arcane Enlightenment
	Gauntleted Healer	Queen Medb	Dragonbond Mage
	Runic Guardian	Rune Blade Summoner	Juno's Secret Laboratory
	Alchemist's Workshop	Flame Witch	Dimension Shift
	Crest Wizard	Golem Protection
	Fissure Bomb	Gem Golem
	Veteran Alchemist	Witchcrafter Magisa
	Fate's Hand	Alchemical Lore
	Whirlwind Mage
	Master Alchemist
	Spurned Witch
	Twin Guardians
Dragoncraft	Ivory Dragon	Dragon Emissary	Dragonewt Scholar	Dark Dragoon Forte
	Dragon Wings	Golden Dragon's Den	Shapeshifting Mage	Zirnitra
	Fire Lizard	Ace Dragoon	Deathmist Dragon	Fafnir
	Maelstrom Dragon	Dragonewt Princess	Phoenix Roost
	Sandstorm Dragon	Imprisoned Dragon	Wyrm Spire
	Wild Hunt	Sky Dragon Ethica	Wyvern Cavalier
	Aiela, Dragon Knight	Draconification	Hydra
	Dragon Cry	Grim Reaper	Orb Dragon
	Roc	Leviathan	Genesis Dragon
	Trinity Dragon	Lightning Behemoth
	Twin-Headed Dragon	Dragonrider Devil
	Glint Dragon	Mist Dragon
	Serpent Force	Shenlong
	Seabrand Dragon
	Glacial Dragon
	Skull Dragon
	Inferno Dragon
Shadowcraft	Skull Beast	Burial Grounds	Ghouls' Banquet	Cerberus
	Soul Conversion	Skeleton Fighter	Foul Tempest	Pluto
	Highway to Hell	Deadly Widow	Madame Lich	Lord Atomy
	Lesser Mummy	Ethereal Form	Phantom Dragon
	Skeleton Viper	Goetia Mage	Phantom Howl
	Skullcradle Widow	Necroelementist	Wight King
	Wight	Curse of Rebirth	Death's Breath
	Impious Resurrection	Skull Rider	Deathly Tyrant
	Rabbit Necromancer	Dullahan	Mordecai the Duelist
	Skeleton Knight	Soul Glutton
	Soul Hunt	Soulhungry Wraith
	Spartoi	Necropolis Queen
	Tenacious Ghost	Soul Grinder
	Guilty Courier
	Soul Eater
	Cursed Soldier
	Orcus
Bloodcraft	Ambling Wraith	Bloodfed Flowerbed	Demon Commander Laura	Soul Dealer
	Blood Wolf	Cursebrand Vampire	Dire Bond	Beast Dominator
	Lilith	Dark Summoner	Righteous Devil	Queen Vampire
	Limil's Way	Mormo	Diabolic Drain
	Rain Devil	Devil of Vengeance	Erinyes
	Summon Bloodkin	Masked Butcher	Medusa
	Venomous Cobra	Midnight Vampire	Furiae
	Blood Rage	Vampire Lykos	Revelation
	Demonhand Assassin	Geryon	Temptress Vampire
	Demonic Sniper	Night Horde
	Killer Devil	Savage Hunt
	Metal Gargoyle	Vampire Bard
	Succubus	Alucard
	Barbaric Demon
	Raging Giant
	Gluttonous Gorger
	Rampaging Giant
Havencraft	Pinion Prayer	Guardian Sun	Hare of Illusions	Moon Al-mi'raj
	Sacred Plea	Noble Fangs	Devourer of Heavens	Skullfane
	Ardent Nun	Protectoress	Holy Sentinel	Jeanne D'Arc
	Heretical Inquiry	Holy Mage	Love's Gospel
	Mainyu	Prism Priestess	Dark Offering
	Rabbit Healer	Radiant Shaman	Arch Priestess Laelia
	Dark Priest	Temple Defender	Chorus of Prayer
	Divine Birdsong	Cruel Priestess	Themis's Decree
	Healing Prayer	Death Sentence	Incandescent Dragon
	Power of Protection	Cleric Lancer
	Sister Initiate	Shrine Knight Maiden
	Canoness	Angelic Noble
	Guardian Nun	White Knight
	Pious Fox
	Healing Priestess
	Divine Armor
	Masked Giant
Neutral	Keen Enchantment	Angelic Snipe	Altered Fate	Gabriel
	Minotaur	Bellringer Angel	Path to Purgatory	Lucifer
	Cloud Chorus	Trail of Light	Urd	Prince of Darkness
	Healing Angel	Angelic Barrage	Wind God
	Shield Angel	Lizardman	Angel Crusher
	Demonic Strike	Execution	Athena
	Desert Rider	Goblinmount Demon
		Gilgamesh

Darkness Evolved

	Bronze	Silver	Gold	Legendary
Forestcraft	Dwarf Perfumer	Elven Archery	Elf Girl Liza	Crystalia Tia
	Elf Bard	Yuel the Ancient	Elf Knight Cynthia
	Glimmering Wings	Master of the Canopies	Grand Archer Selwyn
	Elf Healer	Baalt, King of the Elves
	Underbrush Beast Girl
	Verdant Steward
Swordcraft	Mentor's Teachings	Gunner Maid Seria	Rogue's Creed	Alexander
	Fearless Banneret	Whole-Souled Swing	White Paladin
	Swift Infiltrator	Ruthless Assassin	Leonidas
	Mirage Defender	Koga Kunoichi
	Assault Commander
	Avant Blader
Runecraft	Scrap Iron Smelter	Summon Iceform	Timeworn Mage Levi	Sun Oracle Pascale
	Red-Hot Ritual	Remi and Rami, Witchy Duo	Rimewind
	Witchbolt	Shadow Witch	Calamitous Curse
	Witchette Emmylou	Multipart Experiment
	Crystal Bombarder
	Grand Gargoyle
Dragoncraft	Mushussu	Dragonewt Fist	Dracomancer's Rites	Dragonsong Flute
	Wildfang Dragonewt	Noxious Dragon	Neptune
	Ironscale Dragonfolk	Siegfried	Polyphonic Roar
	Dragon Counsel	Transmogrified Wyrm
	Queen Serpent
	Island Whale
Shadowcraft	Dark Conjurer	Rise of the Dead	Midnight Haunt	Lord of the Flies
	Deathbrand	Bone Chimera	Spirit Cycle
	Deathchaser	Charon	Ceridwen
	Spartoi Soldier	Andras
	Malicious Ghost
	Commander of Destruction
Bloodcraft	Demonic Hedonist	Precious Bloodfangs	Vampiric Fortress	Bloody Mary
	Serpent Charmer	Medusa's Gaze	Vania, Vampire Princess
	Vampiric Kiss	Labyrinth Devil	Azazel
	Mini Soul Devil	Frenzied Juggernaut
	Soul Navigator
	Demonic Thrall
Havencraft	Godsteel Wings	Beastcall Aria	Elana's Prayer	Enstatued Seraph
	Heavenly Hound	Forbidden Ritual	Kaguya
	Monastic Holy Water	Sledgehammer Exorcist	Winged Sentinel Garuda
	Sky Sprite	Radiance Angel
	Holy Fox Grimaud
	Pinion Prince
Neutral	Dance of Death	Unicorn Dancer Unica	Demonic Simulacrum	Odin
	Raging Ettin	Surefire Bullet	Archangel Reina	Dark Angel Olivia
	Spellbook Decryption	Humpty Dumpty
	Imperial Mammoth

Rise of Bahamut

	Bronze	Silver	Gold	Legendary
Forestcraft	Entangling Vines	Crystalia Lily	Selwyn's Command	White Wolf of Eldwood
	Felpurr Kitten	Swords to Woodlands	Elf of the Gemstones
	Forest Spirit	Lionel, Elf Prince	Maahes
	Fairy Knight	Pegasus Elf
	Forest Gigas
Swordcraft	Samurai	Gelt, Vice Captain	Castle in the Sky	Albert, Levin Saber
	Art of the Ninja	Jeno, Levin Vanguard	Amelia, Silver Paladin
	Blitz Lancer	Cyclone Blade	Fangblade Slayer
	Thief	Monika, Cloudhall Admiral
	Swordwhip Maid
Runecraft	Craig, Wizard of Mysteria	Dwarf Alchemist	Secrets of Erasmus	Daria, Dimensional Witch
	Rite of Exorcism	Clarke, Arcane Scholar	Professor of Taboos
	Timeless Witch	Piercing Rune	Anne, Belle of Mysteria
	Ogler	Disaster Witch
	Blade Mage
Dragoncraft	Dragontamer	Eyfa, Wyvern Rider	Breath of the Salamander	Imperial Dragoon
	Luxfang Kit	Pyroxene Dragon	Date Masamune
	Griffon Knight	Draconic Fervor	Grea the Dragonborn
	Cunning Wyvern	Owl Guardian
	Dragonclaw Pendant
Shadowcraft	Ghosthound Sexton	Ghostly Grasp	Shadow Reaper	Nephthys
	Attendant of Night	Lurching Corpse	Pact with the Nethergod
	Feathered Patroller	Necroassassin	Balor
	Voices of Resentment	Underworld Watchman Khawy
	Zombie Buccaneer
Bloodcraft	Executioner's Axe	Hungering Horde	Sadistic Night	Bloodhungry Matriarch
	Yurius, Levin Duke	Veight, Vampire Noble	Mastema
	Alpha Wolfman	Squall Lancer	Ice Blade Warfiend
	Moriana the Bejeweled	Flood Behemoth
	Brazen Demoness
Havencraft	Frog Cleric	Luxwing Reno	Tribunal of Good and Evil	Eidolon of Madness
	Master Sage	Damus, Oracle of Iniquity	Valhallan General
	Veteran Tamer	Pegasus Sculpture	Luxhorn Sarissa
	Manifestation of Faith	Ancient Lion Spirit
	Soul Collector
Neutral	Hamsa	Lyrial, Celestial Archer	Goblinbreaker Teena	Sahaquiel
	Sektor	Gourmet Emperor Khaiza	Uriel	Bahamut
	Valkyrie's Spear	Call of Cocytus	Lucius, Goblin Slayer
	Angel of the Word	Fortunehunter Feena
	Goblin Mage

Tempest of the Gods

	Bronze	Silver	Gold	Legendary
Forestcraft	Dryad	Sukuna, Brave and Small	Fairy Cage	Elf Queen
	Beetle Warrior	Man-Eating Mangrove	Jungle Warden	Deepwood Anomaly
	Cybele	Vist, Elf Butler	Crystalia Aerin
	Ivy Spellbomb	Mighty Dwarf
Swordcraft	Spring Cleaning	Luminous Standard	Captain Lecia	Gawain of the Round Table
	Naval Guard Simone	Shrouded Assassin	Support Cannon	Roland the Incorruptible
	Vagabond Frog	Luminous Mage	Captain Walfrid
	Tristan of the Round Table	Jolly Rogers
Runecraft	Enchanted Library	Freshman Lou	Magic Girl Melvie	Hulking Giant
	Dazzling Healer	Magic Illusionist	Mutagenic Bolt	Wordwielder Ginger
	Mage of Nightfall	Enchanted Sword	Elder Mage of Dragonlore
	Halo Golem	Chimera
Dragoncraft	Dragon's Nest	Wind Reader Zell	Dragonslayer's Price	Sibyl of the Waterwyrm
	Aqua Nereid	Venomous Pucewyrm	Rahab	Ouroboros
	Dragoon Scyther	Wrath Drake	Phoenix Rider Aina
	Hippocampus	Lightning Blast
Shadowcraft	Deadmoon Disciple	Grave Desecration	Little Soulsquasher	Minthe of the Underworld
	Zombie Party	Orthrus	Death's Ledger	Demonlord Eachtar
	Goblin Zombie	Prince Catacomb	Immortal Thane
	Ebon Reaper	Dolorblade Warrior
Bloodcraft	Spiderweb Imp	Baphomet	Galretto, Devil of Love	Belphegor
	Frogbat	Mask of the Black Death	Blood Moon	Maelstrom Serpent
	Assault Werewolf	Dark Airjammer	Soul Dominator
	Stolen Life	Vlad
Havencraft	Mist Shaman	Holy Bowman Kel	Zoe, Queen of Goldenia	Dark Jeanne
	Candelabra of Prayers	Iron Maiden	Judge of Retribution	Heavenly Aegis
	Octobishop	Gravekeeper Sonia	Tarnished Grail
	Pure Healer	Calydonian Boar
Neutral	Wise Merman	Wandering Bard Elta	Grimnir, War Cyclone	Israfil
	Owlcat	Frozen Mammoth	Arriet, Soothing Harpist	Zeus
	Axe Fighter	Impartial Strix	Earthshock Ogre
	Test of Strength	Goblin Princess

Wonderland Dreams

	Bronze	Silver	Gold	Legendary
Forestcraft	Tweedle Dum, Tweedle Dee	Abby the Axe Girl	Elf Twins' Assault	Fairy Dragon
	Kindly Treant	Wood of Brambles	Magical Fairy, Lilac	Beauty and the Beast
	Woodland Band	Snowfield Warrior	Fairy Driver
	Flower Princess	Sylvan Elder
Swordcraft	Kiss of the Princess	Bladed Hedgehog	Maisy, Red Riding Hood	Cinderella
	Rabbit Ear Attendant	Shield of Flame	Council of Card Knights	Hero of Antiquity
	Kunoichi Master	Old Man and Old Woman	White Ridge Swordsman
	Axe Destroyer	Young Ogrehunter Momo
Runecraft	Witch's Cauldron	Gingerbread House	Golem Assault	Abomination Awakened
	Carbuncle of Mysteria	Mysterian Grimoire	Falise, Leonardian Mage	Wizardess of Oz
	Witch of Sweets	Illusionist	Master Mage Levi
	Apprentice Swordmage	Mr. Heinlein, Shadow Mage
Dragoncraft	Dragon Summoner	Master of Draconic Arts	Dramatic Dragonblader	Jabberwock
	Dragon Sculpture	Hippogryph Rider	Red Ragewyrm	Wyrm God of the Skies
	Elder Tortoise	Draconic Lance	Tilting at Windmills
	Ebon Beast Warrior	Fortress Crab
Shadowcraft	Haunted House	Siren's Tears	Poisoned Apple of Rebirth	Corpselord of Woe
	Demon Eater	Usher of Styx	Ded Moroz	Dark Alice
	Skeleton Ogre	Caterpillar of Riddles	Odile, Black Swan
	Mad Hatter	Nightmare Executioner
Bloodcraft	Tove	Furtive Fangs	Lethal Blade	Carabosse, Wicked Fairy
	Demon Key	Boy Who Cried Wolf	Phantom Cat	Spawn of the Abyss
	Disagreeable Demon	Bandersnatch	Emeralda, Demonic Officer
	Big Knuckle Bodyguard	Scarlet Sabreur
Havencraft	Temple of the Inquisition	March Hare's Teatime	Alice's Adventure	Princess Snow White
	White Tiger	Tenko	Naoise, Red Branch Knight	Lion of the Golden City
	Birdkeeping Disciple	Eagle Man	Odette, White Swan
	Monk of Purification	Hati
Neutral	Angelic Knight	Actress Feria	Rapunzel	Alice, Wonderland Explorer
	Goblin Leader	Into the Looking Glass	Hector	Queen of the Dread Sea
	Ephemera, Angelic Slacker	Gruff Mountaineer Captain	Snow, Whitecat Sage
	Eggsplosion	Lion Champion

Starforged Legends

	Bronze	Silver	Gold	Legendary
Forestcraft	Airbound Barrage	Elf Singer Harmony	Spring-Green Protection	Cassiopeia
	Fita the Gentle Elf	Elf's Song	Demon Child Zain	King Elephant
	Starry Elf	Ariana, Natural Tutor	Venus
	Ipiria	Dolorblade Demon
Swordcraft	Flail Knight	Cuhullin	Perseus	Mars, Silent Flame General
	Pollux	Armor of the Stars	Lux, Solar Lancer	Barbarossa
	Unsheathed Blade	Lord General Romeo	Round Table Assembly
	King of the Horned Crown	Princess Juliet
Runecraft	Starseer's Telescope	Karl, Pious Instructor	Chain of Calling	Star Reader Stella
	Magic Owl	Magic Gun Hunter	Europa	Giant Chimera
	Lightning Lancer	Concentration	Wild Golem
	Astrologist of the Mists	Lorea, Dancer of the Sun
Dragoncraft	Dragonrearer Matilda	Beowulf	Star Phoenix	Prime Dragon Keeper
	Dragon's Foresight	Beast Rider	Avowed Strike	Python
	Estrella Beast	Canyon of the Dragons	Draconic Singer
	Scaled Berserker	Cetus
Shadowcraft	Gloaming Tombs	Sora, Martial Artist	Andrealphus	Twilight Queen
	Belenus	Troth's Curse	Ceres of the Night	Mail of Obliteration
	Castor	Hresvelgr	Mist of Extinction
	Dark Bladefiend	Lute, Leonard Necromancer
Bloodcraft	Scorpius	Demonic Ram	Trial of the Gorgons	Venomfang Medusa
	Fanged Serpent	Snarling Chains	Fulminous Demon	Jormungand
	Venomous Bite	Euryale	Stheno
	Gunnlod	Fenrir
Havencraft	Star Bishop	Aegina	Globe of the Starways	Aether of the White Wing
	Red-Hot Boots	Star Torrent	Andromeda	Heresy's Avatar
	Sister of Punishment	Temple Ogre	Taurus the Great
	Starchaser Sprite	Star Priestess
Neutral	Nyx	Mystic Ring	Stairway to Heaven	Zodiac Demon
	Night's Way	Evelisia the Fallen	Helblindi	Loki
	Mr. Full Moon	Purehearted Singer	Qilin
	Rampaging Mammoth	Gigas

I want to thank everyone that participates on the Card of the Day threads, and thanks to Szerro for them!
Please let me know if you find any error on the charts, or if you have any suggestions.
EDIT 29/06/2017: Added Wonderland Dreams cards.
EDIT 03/10/2017: Added Starforged Legends cards.

NOTE: This guide is over 40k characters, so I can't fit it in one post. As such the first part discusses Forestcraft, Swordcraft and Runecraft. This part deals with Dragoncraft, Shadowcraft, Bloodcraft and Havencraft.
DRAGONCRAFT
Dragoncraft is a class relying on ramping and playing a lot of big threats. It has two class mechanics: discard and ramp. Discard Dragon is and always has been thrash tier, since you have to constantly discard cards, so often you will discard cards that you actually wanted to keep and you can dig through your deck so fast that you die to fatigue. Ramping is where the strength of the class really is. Dragon has a lot of big followers, plenty of small healing possibilities to negate chip damage, tier 1 boardswipes, storm followers and will be able to consistently play all of those 2-4 four turn earlier then any other class could. It is weak against aggro, since Dragon's early game is basically ramping and nothing else. It can be also taken down by very defensive combo decks.

• Neutral Ramp (meta) - Aka Wallet Dragon, since this is by far the most expensive deck in the game. Some versions can go up to 90k vials. It's somewhat slower than Storm Ramp and as such has a lower (still very much positive) winrate. The idea is to crush the opponents board presence completely while continuously healing back while leaving big threats on the board. The top end of the deck is made out of high value Neutral legendaries. this deck has less storm and relies on making the opponent run out of answers for its big threats.
  
• Storm Ramp (meta) - The deck with the highest winrate across the board by far right now. It ramps up as well, however instead of excessive healing and board control, it runs a lot of storm followers and instead of waiting for the opponent to run out of answers, it intends to crush them as fast as possible.
  
• Normal Ramp (meta) - I didn't know that this even existed, until I got told about it in a comment below. The idea of this deck is to go less crazy on ramping and run more early-midgame cards to make the deck brick less. Other than that it uses a mixture of Neutral and Storm Ramp cards.
  
• Face (meta) - Mostly meta in the lower ranks, since this version is significantly cheaper than the ramping versions. It is an aggro deck that aims to establish early game presence, then use storm followers (mostly Forte) to go face while the opponent is preoccupied with taking the board back. It is outperformed by other aggro decks.
  
• Discard (off-meta) - Uses cards like Dracomancer's Rites, Imperial Dragoon and Angel Crusher to cycle through the deck fast, get the cards it needs and then press for the win. It is unreliable, can burn card that you would need and extremely draw dependent. It never left meme-tier.
  
• OTK (off-meta) - Uses a combination of Wildfang Dragonnewt and Altered fate to achieve a serious burst. The rest of the deck was usually a low curve ramp core. It is unreliable, since you need multiple Wildfangs in your hand with only one Altered Fate and then pull another Altered Fate from the first one to make it really OTK. Plus it's a late game combo.
  
• JO (off-meta) - Uses Dragonclaw Pendant and a lot of normally small face burns to the lethal. Unfortunately the Pendant is a very slow play and you need quite a lot of small burns after that to make up for the immense tempo loss. And these days everybody runs amulet removals anyways.
  
• Flute (off-meta) - Uses Dragonsong Flute, some key high cost cards, ramp, card draw and a lot of 1-3 cards to create a midgame torrent of rush followers. Strictly worse than either normal version of Ramp and a lot less flexible.
  

CARDLIST

• Goblin (potential tech in Face)
• Ivory Dragon (3 in Aggro, potential tech in Storm Ramp and Neutral Ramp)
• Blazing Breath (2-3 in Normal Ramp, potential tech in every other deck)
• Dragon's Nest (potential tech in Storm Ramp and Neutral Ramp)
• Unicorn Dancer Unica (potential tech in every deck)
• Lyrial, Celestial Archer (2-3 in Face)
• Dragonrider (2-3 in Face)
• Maelstorm Dragon (potential tech in Face)
• Fire Lizard (2-3 in Face)
• Mushussu (3 in face, potential tech in Storm Ramp)
• Wind Reader Zell (3 in Neutral Ramp and Normal Ramp, 2-3 in Storm Ramp, potential tech Face)
• Dragon Oracle (3 in Neutral Ramp, Normal Ramp and Storm Ramp)
• Dragon Emissary (2-3 in Face, potential tech in every other deck)
• Breath of the Salamander (2-3 in Storm Ramp, Normal Ramp and Neutral Ramp, potential tech in Face)
• Healing Angel (potential tech in Face)
• Gourmet Emperor Khaiza (potential tech in Face)
• Angel of the Word (2-3 in Face)
• Grimnir, War Cyclone (3 in Storm Ramp, Normal Ramp and Neutral Ramp, potential tech in Face)
• Aiela, Dragon Knight (3 in Storm Ramp and Neutral Ramp, potential tech in Face)
• Trinity Dragon (3 in Face)
• Eyfa, Wyvern Rider (potential tech in Face and Storm Ramp)
• Dragon Scyther (2-3 in every deck)
• Urd (potential tech in Storm Ramp and Face)
• Demonic Strike (2-3 in Face)
• Dragon Warrior (2-3 in Normal Ramp, potential tech in every other deck)
• Siegfried (potential tech in every deck)
• Rahab (3 in Storm Ramp, Normal Ramp and Neutral Ramp)
• Wind God (potential tech in Face)
• Dance of Death (potential tech in Face)
• Call of Cocytus (potential tech in all decks)
• Seabrand Dragon (2-3 in Face, potential tech in Storm Ramp)
• Sibyl of the Waterwyrm (2-3 in Neutral Ramp, Normal Ramp and Storm Ramp, potential tech in Face)
• Draconic Fervor (3 in Neutral Ramp and Storm Ramp, 2-3 in Normal Ramp)
• Wyvern Cavalier / Chaos Dragonrider AGRS (2-3 in Normal Ramp, potential tech in Storm Ramp and Neutral Ramp)
• Lightning Blast (potential tech in Storm Ramp, Normal Ramp and Neutral Ramp)
• Dark Dragoon Forte (3 in Face, 2-3 in Storm Ramp and Normal Ramp, potential tech in Neutral Ramp)
• Phoenix Rider Aina (potential tech in Face and Storm Ramp)
• Arriet, Soothing Harpist (potential tech in face and Storm Ramp)
• Sahaquiel (1-2 in Neutral Ramp, potential tech in Storm Ramp)
• Gilgamesh (potential tech in Face and Storm Ramp)
• Lucifer (2-3 in Neutral Ramp)
• Ouroboros (2-3 in Neutral Ramp and Normal Ramp, potential tech in Storm Ramp)
• Dark Angel Olivia (1-2 in Normal Ramp, potential tech in Neutral Ramp and Storm Ramp)
• Israfil (1-3 in Neutral Ramp and Normal Ramp)
• Imprial Dragoon (potential tech in Storm Ramp and Neutral Ramp)
• Zeus (potential tech in Storm Ramp)
• Genesis Dragon (2-3 in Storm Ramp)
• Bahamut (2-3 in Storm Ramp, Normal Ramp and Neutral Ramp)
• Prince of Darkness (potential tech in Neutral Ramp)

SHADOWCRAFT
Shadowcraft uses its graveyard (shadows) as a resource and deals with sticky followers with powerful on death effects. Its class mechanic is necromancy: you can pay with shadows for powerful effects. Shadow has always viable as aggro, however other archetypes were less powerful. With the newest expansion Aggro got some tools to put it up in tier 1, however more importantly Midrange Shadow was born and became the only deck that can keep up with Storm Ramp Dragon, but at a much lower cost. The idea is in both cases is to keep the board with sticky followers that cannot be easily removed, build up top lethal through early chip damage and then win through one big burst in the midgame. Shadow's weakness is that it relies on being able to connect to face and to be able to keep the board full. As such banish effects and a high number of wards is usually a good way to go. Also, both decks run out of steam around turn 6-7, so the tactic against Shadow in general is to play to survive, since outracing them to the face is next to impossible for most decks.

• Aggro Shadow (meta) - Drop small followers on curve, make them stick to the board with Prince Catacomb or drop a Shadow Reaper and let your opponent boost you by killing your other followers. And then a Cerberus into Phantom Howl to finish your opponent off. A turn 4-6 victory with this deck is perfectly feasible.
  
• Midrange Shadow (meta) - Most of the core cards are the same as Aggro, however it runs Eachtar for a late game push and as such more sustainable and has a better reach than Aggro. Second most powerful deck at the moment.
  
• Ledger (meta) - The idea is to add only some specific Shadowcraft followers with powerful last words effects, then fill out the rest with Neutral followers and some spells. This guarantees that Death's Ledger will pull 4/4 liches or Mordecais for you. Viable on ranked, although nowhere near as good as the other two deck types. At the same time it is much cheaper, since it requires no legendaries.
  
• Atomeme (meta) - Despite the name, this deck is now actually viable on ranked thanks to Elta and Prince Catacomb. The idea is to drop Atomy for free on turn 4 AND keep your entire board too. So your opponent has to deal with the usual Aggro Shadow shenanigans AND an 8/8. On the flipside Adding this card can make your draws less consistent and if you can't pull it off, then Atomy is a brick in your hand, since playing it for 9 mana is awfully inefficient.
  
• Nephthys (meta) - The idea is that you only run followers in 4 manaslots, so that you can get a consistent effect out of Neph, resulting in an explosive turn 8. A really good deck in the last expansion made obsolete by Ramp Dragon and Lightning Blast. I originally thought that this deck is completely dead, since until today (11th of April) I never faced it myself since the new expansion came out. However, according to a comment below it is actually very much viable and a lot less vulnerable to Dragon than I originally thought. So I'll list as meta.
  
• Control (off-meta) - Never really worked well, mostly because it lacks any real wincondition. The idea is to use sticky followers and some of the numerous removals the craft has to stay alive and then drop some Neutral wincon or win through attrition. It was never really good, but with the new expansion grindy control decks are officially dead (unfortunately), so this one is completely obsolete.
  
• Tyrant (off-meta) - Relies on an activated Death Tyrant to win with a sudden burst. The problem is that this is way too slow. And if you combo it off then you need to play Minthe / Midnight Haunt then you have to play them at the same turn otherwise the enablers will just get removed or your opponent will just ward up, since it is obvious from them what do you want to achieve with those cards.
  

CARDLIST

• Goblin (possible tech in Aggro and Atomeme)
• Deadmoon Disciple (2-3 in Atomeme)
• Skull Beast (3 in Atomeme, Aggro and Midrange)
• Soul Conversion (potential tech in all decks)
• Skeleton Fighter (3 in Aggro and Atomeme, 2-3 in Midrange)
• Unicorn Dancer Unica (2-3 in Ledger and Nephthys, potential tech in Midrange)
• Lyrial, Celestial Angel (2-3 in every deck)
• Wandering Bard Elta (2-3 in Atomeme)
• Spartoi Sergeant (2-3 in Midrange and Atomeme, potential tech in Aggro)
• Lesser Mummy (2-3 in Aggro and Atomeme, potential tech in Midrange)
• Skullcradle Widow (potential tech in Atomeme)
• Dark Conjurer (2-3 in Aggro, Atomeme and Midrange)
• Shadow Reaper (3 in Aggro, potential tech in Midrange and Atomeme)
• Zombie Party (2-3 in Midrange and Nephthys, potential tech in Aggro, Atomeme and Ledger)
• Ghosthound Sexton (potential tech in Aggro, Atomeme and Midrange)
• Little Soulsquasher (potential tech in Midrange, Atomeme and Aggro)
• Lurching Corpse (potential tech in Midrange and Atomeme)
• Grave Desecration (potential tech in Ledger)
• Healing Angel (potential tech in Ledger and Nephthys)
• Gourmet Emperor Khaiza (2-3 in Ledger, potential tech in Midrange and Atomeme)
• Angel of the Word (potential tech in Aggro)
• Goblin Mage (potential tech in all decks)
• Grimnir, War Cyclone (2-3 in Midrange, Nephthys and Ledger, potential tech in Aggro and Atomeme)
• Pact with the Nethergod (potential tech in Nephthys)
• Frozen Mammoth (2-3 in Atomeme)
• Rabbit Necromancer (3 in Aggro, 2-3 in Midrange, potential tech in Atomeme)
• Skeleton Knight (potential tech in Atomeme and Aggro)
• Bone Chimera (3 in Aggro, 2-3 in Midrange and Atomeme)
• Attendant of Night (2-3 in Ledger, potential tech in Atomeme and Nephthys)
• Zombie Buccaneer (potential tech in Atomeme)
• Prince Catacomb (3 in Aggro, 2-3 in Midrange and Atomeme)
• Foul Tempest (potential tech in Ledger)
• Deathbrand (potential tech in Ledger)
• Urd (potential tech in Ledger, Nephthys and Atomeme)
• Uriel (1-2 in Ledger)
• Humpty Dumpty (potential tech in Ledger)
• Playful Necromancer (potential tech in Atomeme)
• Hell's Unleasher (2-3 in Ledger, potential tech in Atomeme and Nephthys)
• Necroassassin (potential tech in Midrange and Atomeme)
• Minthe of the Underworld (Potential tech in Midrange)
• Orthrus (2-3 in Aggro, Midrange and Atomeme)
• Death's Ledger (3 in Ledger and Nephthys)
• Phantom Howl (3 in Aggro and Atomeme, potential tech in Midrange and Ledger)
• Wind God (potential tech in Aggro and Midrange)
• Goblin Princess (potential tech in Midrange, Ledger and Atomeme)
• Dance of Death (potential tech in every deck)
• Soulhungry Wraith (potential tech in Aggro)
• Cerberus (3 in Aggro and Midrange, potential tech in Atomeme)
• Balor (potential tech in Ledger)
• Deathly Tyrant (potential tech in Midrange)
• Death's Breath (2-3 in Midrange, Nephthys and Ledger, potential tech in Aggro and Atomeme)
• Arriet, Soothing Harpist (potential tech in Ledger and Atomeme)
• Underworld Watchman Khawy (3 in Nephthys, potential tech in Ledger)
• Demonlord Eachtar (2-3 in Midrange, potential tech in Atomeme and Aggro)
• Immortal Thane (potential tech in Midrange)
• Mordecai the Duelist (2-3 in Ledger and Nephthys)
• Nephthys (2-3 in Nephthys)
• Lord Atomy (3 in Atomeme)

BLOODCRAFT
Bloodcraft is a high risk, high reward class that uses its own health pool as a resource. The class specific trait is vengeance, whch activates either by dropping to or below 10 health or by having a Blood Moon amulet on the board. Bloodcraft has three decks in play right now, two of which are extremely aggressive and one that plays defensively and aims for a combo win. Both have different tactics. Blood in general has a lot of symmetrical damage so putting them down to a low health can prevent quite a few plays.

• Aggro (meta) - Possibly the cheapest meta deck in existence. It relies on symmetrical damage, storm followers and Forest Bat synergies. It works through chip damage, however it is very aggressive, with good draws can win by turn 4. Its weakness is that through the symmetrical damage it also hurts itself and runs no cards to regain life. It wins or loses by turn 7 at the latest.
  
• Vengeance (meta) - And archetype that was pushed by Cygames since day one but only now became really viable. The idea is to play mostly cheap wards till turn 4, on which you drop down to 10 health intentionally and then flood the board on turn 5 through vengeance effects. It's an all in deck, if it loses the board past turn 5 it will most likely lose. However, if the opponent can't clear the board on turn 5 then it can snowball into a total victory in a turn or two.
  
• Control (meta) - Uses a lot of drain cards to control the board and keep its life total high enough, usually aims for some combo OTK wincondition with Azazel and / or Bloody Mary.
  
• Pure Control (off-meta) - The old kind of control without the combo elements, suing Prince of Datkness and Bahamut as winconditions. Just as the other slow control decks, it is simply not effective anymore.
  
• Midrange (off-meta) - Kinda a new archetype. The idea is to swarm the board with 5/5 snakes on turn 6. It is less consistent and very susceptible to boardswipes, so it can be easily crushed by Haven and Dragon sas such it's not viable in ranked mode right now.
  

CARDLIST

• Goblin (potential tech in Aggro)
• Ambling Wraith (3 in Aggro, potential tech in Control and Vengeance)
• Cursebrand Vampire (3 in Aggro)
• Bloodfed Flowerbed (potential tech in Aggro)
• Unicorn Dancer Unica (potential tech in Control)
• Sweetfang Vampire (potential tech in Control)
• Blood Wolf (3 in Aggro and Vengeance, 2-3 in Control)
• Vania, Vampire Princess (3 in Aggro)
• Yurius, Levin Duke (3 in Aggro, potential tech in Control and Vengeance)
• Baphomet (2-3 in Control and potential tech in Vengeance)
• Spiderweb Imp (3 in Vengeance, potential tech in Control)
• Blood Pact (potential tech in Vengeance and Control)
• Razory Claw (3 in aggro and Control, potential tech in Vengeance)
• Limil's Way (potential tech in Vengeance and Control)
• Summon Bloodkin (3 in Aggro)
• Vampiric Kiss (3 in Control and Vengeance)
• Hungering Horde (2-3 in Control, potential tech in Vengeance)
• Vampiric Fortress (2-3 in Aggro)
• Mask of the Black Death (potential tech in Control)
• Grimnir, War cyclone (potential tech in Control)
• Goblin Mage (potential tech in Aggro)
• Crazed Executioner (potential tech in Aggro)
• Killer Devil (potential tech in Aggro)
• Succubus (potential tech in Aggro and Control)
• Devil of Vengeance (3 in Vengeance)
• Demon Commander Laura (2-3 in Control)
• Mini Soul Devil (potential tech in Aggro)
• Veight, Vampire Noble (2-3 in Aggro, potential tech in Vengeance and Control)
• Dire Bond (3 in Control)
• Blood Moon (2-3 in Control)
• Demonic Strike (2-3 in Aggro)
• Dark General (3 in Vengeance, potential tech in Aggro and Control)
• Wardrobe Raider (2-3 in Control)
• Righteous Devil (2-3 in Control)
• Soul Dealer (2-3 in Vengeance)
• Belphegor (3 in Vengeance, potential tech in Control and Aggro)
• Night Horde (potential tech in Aggro)
• Wind God (potential tech in Aggro)
• Execution (potential tech in Control)
• Dance of Death (potential tech in Vengeance and Aggro)
• Call of Cocytus (potential tech in Control)
• Erinyes (potential tech in Control)
• Bloody Mary (2-3 in Control)
• Dark Airjammer (3 in Vengeance)
• Diabolic Drain (3 in Vengeance, 2-3 in Control)
• Imp Lancer (3 in Aggro, potential tech in Vengeance and Control)
• Mastema (potential tech in Control)
• Queen Vampire (2-3 in Control)
• Demonic Storm (potential tech in Aggro)
• Arriet, Soothing Harpist (potential tech in Control)
• Alucard (potential tech in every deck)
• Bloodhungry Matriach (potential tech in Aggro and Control)
• Soul Dominator (potential tech in Aggro)
• Azazel (2-3 in Control)
• Maelstorm Serpent (potential tech in Control)
• Revelation (3 in Control)
• Temptress Vampire (1-2 in Control)
• Bahamut (potential tech in Control)

HAVENCRAFT
Haven is a slow class relying on stalling, healing and boardclears to get to the point where it can activate one of its very strong winconditions. Storm Haven is the exception, which plays like an a aggro deck, but in good Haven fashion it's possibly the slowest aggro deck to the point where it's more like a midrange deck. Haven has a lot of healing, removals and quite a few wards. Generally the best way to approach it is rushing it down early on, because Haven is very bad against early pressure.

• Storm (meta) - The one and only aggressive Haven deck. It relies on storm followers coming from amulets, preferably multiple in the same turn. Then it uses other cards to pop these amulets sooner and to buff them. The positive side of that is that it can create huge burst turns. The downside is that the opponent will know that said burst turn is coming and can prepare.
  
• Aegis (meta) - The basic idea: survive until turn 9, drop the big unremovable fella and then crush your opponent's face with it. The deck uses a lot of removals and stall tools.
  
• Seraph (meta) - Borderline meta really, it became a lot less viable now that Dragon has Lightning Blast. The wincondition is dropping Seraph on turn 8, then popping it on turn 9.
  
• Elana (meta) - Again, borderline case for being meta, it is a quite weak deck comparatively. It might do reasonably well on lower ranks where aggro is much more prevalent.
  
• Guardian Sun (meta) - Uses the Guardian Sun Amulet to create a lot of wards to protect its face. With Ramp Dragon being so prevalent, it's not exactly the most powerful deck, but viable.
  
• Countdown (off-meta) - Uses Eidolon of Madness, or - for the hardcore masochists - Skullfane to pop a lot of amulets at the same time. Weak to boardclears and removals, slow and lacks a quick enough wincon. A somewhat different version relies on Candelabra of Prayers.
  
• PtP (off-meta) - Same as the other Purgatory decks, this one uses Hare of Illusions aside of Altered Fate to ramp those shadows up. Even weaker than the Forest and Rune versions, and not even those see any play these days.
  

CARDLIST

• Pinion Prayer (3 in Storm)
• Sacred Plea (3 in Elana, Seraph, Aegis and Guardian Sun, potential tech in Storm)
• Unicorn Dancer Unica (2-3 in Elana, potential tech in every other deck)
• Lyrial, Celestial Archer (potential tech in Storm)
• Snake Priestess (potential tech in Guardian Sun, Seraph and Aegis)
• Rabbit Healer (3 in Elana)
• Mainyu (2-3 in Storm)
• Heavenly Hound (potential tech in Guardian Sun and Storm)
• Luxwing Reno (2-3 in Storm)
• Frog Cleric (potential tech in Elana)
• Holy Bowman Kel (potential tech in Elana)
• Hallowed Dogma (2-3 in Seraph and Storm)
• Blackened Scripture (3 in every deck)
• Love's Gospel (potential tech in Elana)
• Monastic Holy Water (2-3 in Elana, potential tech in Aegis, Guardian Sun and Seraph)
• Guardian Sun (2-3 in Guardian Sun)
• Beastcall Aria (3 in Storm, potential tech in every other deck)
• Healing Angel (2-3 in Elana)
• Angel of the Word (potential tech in Storm)
• Frozen Mammoth (potential tech in Aegis)
• Test of Strength (2-3 in Aegis)
• Sister Initiate (potential tech in Seraph)
• Temple Defender (2-3 in every deck)
• Prism Priestess (2-3 in Seraph, potential tech in Aegis)
• Sledgehammer Exorcist (potential tech in Aegis and Seraph)
• Healing Prayer (2-3 in Seraph, potential tech in Elana)
• Divine Birdsong (3 in Storm)
• Forbidden Ritual (potential tech in every deck)
• Pegasus Sculpture (potential tech in Elana)
• Candelabra of Prayers (potential tech in Seraph)
• Urd (potential tech in Storm)
• Uriel (2-3 In Guardian Sun and Elana, potential tech in Seraph)
• Demonic Strike (potential tech in Storm)
• Priest of the Cudgel (2-3 in every deck)
• Octobishop (2-3 in Guardian Sun)
• Zoe, Queen of Goldenia (potential tech in Guardian Sun)
• Veteran Tamer (potential tech in Storm)
• Elana's Prayer (3 in Elana)
• Pure Healer (2-3 in Elana)
• Death Sentence (potential tech in Seraph)
• Tribunal of Good and Evil (3 in Seraph, Aegis, Guardian Sun, potential tech in Elana)
• Iron Maiden (potential tech in Aegis)
• Execution (potential tech in Aegis and Seraph)
• Dance of Death (potential tech in Storm)
• Call of Cocytus (potential tech in Guardian Sun)
• Cleric Lancer (potential tech in Seraph, Aegis and Guardian Sun)
• Radiance Angel (3 in Elana and Guardian Sun, 2-3 in Aegis and Seraph, potential tech in Storm)
• Ancient Lion Spirit (potential tech in every deck)
• Gravekeeper Sonia (potential tech in Seraph, Aegis and Guardian Sun)
• Acolyte's Light (potential tech in every deck)
• Moon Al-mi'raj (2-3 in Guardian Sun, potential tech in Storm)
• Kaguya (potential tech in Aegis and Guardian Sun)
• Garuda (3 in Storm)
• Valhallan General (2-3 in Storm)
• Dark Jeanne (potential tech in Storm and Guardian Sun)
• Judge of Retribution (2-3 in Aegis, Guardian Sun and potential tech in Seraph)
• Themis's Decree (3 in Aegis, Seraph, 2-3 in Guardian Sun, 1-2 in Elana, potential tech in Storm)
• Gabriel (potential tech in Storm)
• Arriet, Soothing Harpist (potential tech in Elana, Guardian Sun and Storm)
• Curate (2-3 in Elana, 1-2 in Guardian Sun, potential tech in Seraph and Aegis)
• Luxhorn Sarissa (potential tech in Guardian Sun)
• Soul Collector (potential tech in Seraph)
• Lucifer (2-3 in Elana and Guardian Sun, potential tech in Aegis)
• Odin (potential tech in Seraph and Aegis)
• Enstatued Seraph (2-3 in seraph)
• Dark Angel Olivia (potential tech in Aegis)
• Israfil (potential tech in Elana and Guardian Sun)
• Tarnished Grail (potential tech in Guardian Sun)
• Heavenly Aegis (2-3 in Aegis, potential tech in Guardian Sun, Seraph and Elana)
• Prince of Darkness (potential tech in Guardian Sun)
• Bahamut (potential tech in Guardian Sun, Seraph and Aegis)
• Zeus (potential tech in Guardian Sun)

And that's it. This took absolutely forever (around 7 hours) to write. I went through every card in the game, so hopefully I didn't forget anything really important. If I did, let me know in the comments and I'll fix it right away. And again, these are the ideal cards and their ideal amounts. I did include some cheaper / meme alternatives as "potential tech" every now and then, but this is still by no means a budget deck guide. Head over to the handy guide by u/Omegaria if you want to put together a deck on a tight budget.

Ayyy. we finished. Shout outs to everyone that helped me throughout this process For anyone interested this is what the final table looks like: http://imgur.com/a/Ve0J8

-	Bronze	Silver	Gold	Legendary
Forest	Dryad, Beetle Warrior, Cybele, Ivy Spellbomb	Vist, Elf Butler, Sukuna, Brave and Small, Man-Eating Grove, Mighty Dwarf	Fairy Cage, Crystalia Aerin, Jungle Warden	Elf Queen, Deepwood Anomaly
Sword	Tristan of the Round Table, Spring Cleaning, Naval Guard Simon, Vagabond Frog	Luminous Mage, Jolly Rogers, Luminous Standard, Shrouded Assassin	Captain Walfrid, Support Cannon, Captain Lecia	Gawain of the Round Table, Roland the Incorruptible
Shadow	Goblin Zombie, Deadmoon Disciple, Zombie Party, Ebon Reaper	Grave Desecration, Orthus, Dolorblade Warrior, Prince Catacomb	Little Soulsquasher, Immortal Thane, Death's Ledger	Demonlord Eachtar, Minthe of the Underworld
Rune	Halo Golem, Enchanted Library, Dazzling Healer, Mage of Nightfall	Enchanted Sword, Freshman Lou, Magic Illusionist, Chimera	Mutagenic Bolt, Elder Mage of Dragonlore, Magic Girl Melvie	Wordwielder Ginger, Hulking Giant
Blood	Spiderweb Imp, Stolen Life, Frogbat, Assault Werewolf	Baphomet, Vlad, Dark Airjammer, Mask of the Black Death	Soul Dominator, Galretto Devil of Love, Blood Moon	Belphegor, Maelstrom Serpent
Dragon	Dragon's Nest, Aqua Nereid, Hippocampus, Dragoon Scyther	Wrath Drake, Venomous Pucewyrm, Wind Reader Zell, Lightning Blast	Phoenix Rider Aina, Rahab, Dragonslayer's Price	Ouroboros, Sibyl of the Waterwrym
Haven	Pure Healer, Mist Shaman, Candelabra of Prayers, Octobishop	Gravekeeper Sonia, Calydonian Boar, Holy Bowman Kel, Iron Maiden	Zoe, Queen of Goldenia, Tarnished Grail, Judge of Retribution	Heavenly Aegis, Dark Jeanne
Neutral	Axe Fighter, Test of Strength, Owlcat, Wise Merman	Goblin Princess, Wandering Bard Elta, Impartial Strix, Frozen Mammoth	Grimnir, War Cyclone, Arriet, Soothing Harpist, Earthshock Ogre	Zeus, Israfil

TOKENS: Flame Rat, Spawns from Mutagenic Bolt
Goblin King, Spawns from Goblin Princess
Durandal the Incorruptible, Spawns from Roland the Incorruptible
FROM STANDARD SET Wight King, Spawns from Immortal Thane
FROM STANDARD SET Wight, Spawns from Immortal Thane
CURRENT TOTAL CARDS: COMPLETE
Newest Card Album: (3/21/2017): http://imgur.com/a/7SDv5
forgot to add onto the last album so here: http://imgur.com/a/1UTYS
Just an album of all the cards (i think): http://imgur.com/a/5RIPg
If I missed some...sorry imgur asked me if i was a robot or not, but i couldn't click the damn thing so I had refresh the page. But I think I still got all of them.
Please note: I'm only one person working on this so at times...updates may be a bit slow! But I will update this as fast as possible, whenever possible.
Also be sure to put your predictions here on this site: http://sv.bagoum.com/vote/tempest It'll be great to see what cards we thought are great only to see we were wrong, and what cards we originally thought as bad...to see as good!

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
The chapel. The chapel in the basement. Could there have been a more fitting place? Would we find my grandmother's own personal collection of crucified men down there? Or maybe the ten commandments written in blood on the wall? Laughter and vomit fought to burst out of my mouth.
My father and I left through the backdoor. This is the perfect time. Spill the beans, Cole. Just gush like you’ve wanted to this whole time. Thinking of how to start, I tried to keep pace with Dad. He walked with long strides, always moving with purpose. Before I could formulate a plan of action, The two wide doors of the cellar stood angled against the side of the house. It looked like a cellar you might see someone run into in one of those twister movies. My dad produced a thick key and bent to open the padlock. It snapped open and he simply tossed it and the key into the patchy grass.
“She used to hold services down here,” said as he pulled the two doors open.
“Like mass?”
“Yeah. Something like that. I was never allowed to attend, not that I would if they offered.”
Ancient, moldy air wafted up into my face, like a giant creature exhaling in the dark. Steep wooden stairs faded into the inky black. It was fitting, all things considered. The sun was still high above us, and our shadows bent forward and disappeared into the cellar. My father, hands on his hips, looked solmn, hiding away anything he might have been feeling. But there was hesitation there. An angle in his brow, a distance in his eyes.
The doors fell from his hands and slammed down. I jumped and looked at him. “Listen Cole. Thank you for coming with us.”
“Of course, Dad. It’s no big deal.”
“Yes it is. You and I both know it is.”
Now. Now’s your chance. Come on man let it loose, blow up, cry, just get it out. Tell him everything!
“Whatever you need Dad.”
He smiled, old and weary. “I love you, bud.”
“You too, Dad.”
“I promise, I’ll tell you all about her. Just...when we’re done here. Deal?”
“Deal.”
He bent and opened the doors again, then descended. As I stepped down after him, it was dark for a moment before he flipped on a long fluorescent bulb that sputtered and skipped to life. It hung in the center of the ceiling, grey cement all around. The walls were bare, and sickly from the unnatural light. It was a large box, really. An oversized prison cell. At my feet a long purple and white runner stretched down the aisle and was flanked by two rows of pews. They looked like they were pulled straight from a real church. As I looked up and down the rug my father obscured some sort of altar at the end of the hall. He stood between two tall bronze candelabras. The far right corner of the room was sectioned off by two heavy purple drapes.
I came up behind him and looked at the pews. Staring at the old wooden things, I realized that some of the pictures in the photoalbum were taken here. A chill ran through me at the thought of those people hiding out in this bunker, smiling like mad, taking pictures in the harsh fluorescents. All so sure of their love of God or whoever else.
The candelabras held tall white candles. The floor around them was pockmarked with dried wax, but the candles themselves looked fairly new. Stepping beside my father, I could now see the wide altar before him. It was wood, with large clawed legs, like those old bathtubs. It had a cabinet beneath it, and a purple cloth covering it’s surface.
A large chalice sat in the center, surrounded by a henge of small rocks. The chalice was dingy bronze and tarnished, and the rocks were all oval in shape. It was a pretty simple display, but creepy as hell, none the less.
My dad put his hands on the corners of the altar and leaned forward, sagging his head. If I didn't know better I’d have said he was praying. The harsh fluorescents washed over his back, and the muscles of his shoulders worked. He drew in a deep breath and let it out, long and fading. It echoed off the concrete walls.
I stepped back and sat down in the middle pew, to the left of my father. There was a certain gravity to the silence that hung over the chapel. There was a weight to it that I couldn't put my finger on. I looked at my dad, bent over the altar, lost in thought or in memories too painful to speak of--as they all seemed to be. It didn't feel right to disturb him. Like I would have interrupted some sort of much needed time to reflect, or time to put ghosts to rest, as he had said earlier. A rush of desire to hug him swam through me. What would happen if I did? There was a barrier there. There always has been. Unspoken and invisible, but it was there. He was not unloving, no, but our interactions always seemed formal, calculated. Restrained. And as always, I sat and thought, instead of acting. Dad stood before me, seemingly in the center of it all. Of everything he’d come to face, and I sat back and watched.
Then he spoke quietly, under his breath. “I wish you could have told me how it ended.”
The pew moaned as I shifted in my seat.
“You tried so hard to avoid going to hell, and then when you died, nothing happened. No angels, no chariots or trumpets. Just a phone call, like everyone else.” He turned his head slightly toward me and part of his profile could be seen. Furrowed brow and cold eyes. “I’m too old to have expected more, but…” He trailed off, turning back to the alter." “I just hope all this bought you a ticket in. I don’t think it did, but I hope.” He stood up, straightening his back and shoving his hands into his pockets.
I stood up too, and stepped beside him, the soft purple runner hushing beneath my feet.
“I don’t hate her, Cole. I don’t want you to think I hated my mother.”
“I know you don’t.” Simply agreeing was easier to manage. Wouldn't say anything stupid that way.
“This. This is what I hated.” He waved a hand over the altar. “I hate what he came into, what she became. I hate what she brought back with her most of all.”
Those words seemed to ring in my head. I watched as his eyes darted over the display before us.
“I was too young to understand, but I knew it was bad. I knew she was a different woman the day she came back, holding that goddamned statue in her arms like a baby. Cradling the thing. She walked up the driveway through the pouring rain, and right on passed me. Upstairs and into her room. I heard her crying all night long.” His large throat clicked and dropped. “Next morning...she was just different. And that was it. I lost my dad, then, maybe two months later, my mom too.”
“What happened, Dad?” I tested, hoping.
He looked at me, green eyes heavy and faintly watery. “I don’t know, kid. And I don’t think I ever will. ”
I tried to smile, a consoling look. I felt a slight tremble on my lip.
“You know, Cole. I was unimportant to her. I was replaced, I guess. That’s not the way it should be, but that’s the way it was, and I can forgive that. But above it all, above everything about my mother...I just wish she would have treated me warmly.”
The tears came suddenly. So unexpectedly that I couldn't even pull my eyes away before they spilled over. They were tears of stress and of fear brought on by the sudden insight to my dad’s troubles. I had lost it completely. I sobbed and sobbed, and my dad pulled me against him. I cried into his shirt. There was a comfort in his arms, a sureness in the strong hands that patted my back and hair.
“Hey, Cole, it’s all right.” He said softly.
“I don’t think it is Dad.” It came through in sharp gasps. That was the most honest thing I’ve said since he showed me the statue back home.
“Everything is fine, Son. I’ve lived my whole life making sure that what happened in this house stayed here. I love you, Cole. You, your brother and your mom are what make everything all right. Do you understand?”
I nodded against his chest, feeling comforted, safe, and ashamed above all else. We stood for a moment, hugging in the hard fluorescent light, the centerpiece of a dead chaple. No doubt the ghost of my grandmother floated around us. Just briefly, lost in the post breakdown exhaustion, the Lady of the Hall left my mind.
The moment passed and he pulled away, holding my shoulders and looking sad and old. “Let's get this place torn down, huh?”
I nodded, sniffling and wiping my nose on my sleeve. Dad cleared his throat and looked around the room. “Okay. Let’s start hauling these pews up. We might even be able to sell these to an antique shop.”
“You got it.” A little less gaspy, now.
Such was my dad, it was kindly and curty dealt with, before quickly moving on. He was sincere and honest, caring and considerate, but not for one second longer than necessary. Everything I had been feeling had just bubbled up. It just spilled out. Not all of it, but most. Two deep breaths and I began working.
We hauled the pew up without much effort. My arms felt weak and I tried my best to keep the sniffling quiet. It slid into the empty U-haul and rested against the back. It was the first thing to have been packed away, and the sight of the empty truck reminded me of just how much work we had left to do. It reminded me of just how long we’d be stuck in this rotting old house. I felt like crying all over again.
As we headed back to the chapel, Eddie opened up the front door and stuck his head out. “Hey Dad?”
“Yeah Kiddo?”
“Mom needs your help in the kitchen quick. We found rats in the cupboard and there’s a big fat dead one in a pot.
“Can’t you just throw it out?”
“Are you kidding? I’m not touching that thing! I’ll get the plague or something.”
“Eddie, just throw the whole pot out.”
“Will you just do it? It’s pretty gross and mom is freaking out.” Eddie always took on such a whiney tone when he didn't want to do something. He could really be a little shit when he wanted.
My dad shot me a look that said, Jesus, this kid of mine, and started towards the house. Over his shoulder he said, “Go ahead and keep tearing down the cellar, I’ll be right there.”
I wanted to protest the idea of being alone down there, but instead I watched the two disappear into the house and thought of how badly I wanted to leave this place. Faster we work, the faster we go home. It was as good of a compromise as I was likely to make. Back in the cellar, it helped to keep my mind as blank as possible. Thinking about nothing other than the work my hands were doing, I rolled up the purple cloth with the rocks and chalice inside of it, and set it on the floor. It felt odd dismantling the thing. Like treading on sacred ground, or something. But wasn't that what this whole place was like? Like ancient ground that being disturbed by unwelcome guests. I shrugged it off as best I could.
I snatched the candles from the tall candelabras and set them next to the rolled up cloth. As I kneeled to open the cabinet beneath the altar, I heard my father descend the steps behind me. The cabinet door wouldn't budge, but there was no lock.
Trying to tug the thing open I said, “That was fast. Do we have a rat problem?” He didn't answer, and just as I turned to look, the cabinet finally swung open and I slipped back onto the seat of my pants. Inside on the only shelf were two fat books that looked like bibles, and a single framed picture. It was of my grandmother and my Dad. He was a young man in this one. Maybe my age, if not slightly older. He held a distant, old expression on his youthful face. My grandmother was stern and cold. Sharp eyes focused on the camera. She wore a smock that looked almost like a priest's garb. They stood in this very chapel.
I turned my head. “Hey Dad, whe-?”
The man from behind the fence stood in the aisle between the pews. Burt Grand.
Scrambling to my feet I made no attempt to hide my shock. The picture fell my from my hands and clattered to the floor, shattering the glass. With a quick glance I noticed Giving life, was written in pen on the back.
“I took that photo, you know.” He said, whisper thin. His smile everlasting “He’s in the house, isn’t he?”
I nodded. “Should be right back though.” The tremble in my voice betrayed any confidence I had hoped would come through.
His smile remained. “Just as well.” He moved down the aisle, black velcro shoes shuffling. The walk of man who won’t be walking much longer.
He came closer and I stepped back, holding the side of the altar. Stepping over the broken frame, he approached the front, bowed his head and made the sign of the cross. “Father, Son and Holy Spirit.” Then he looked at me.
“What do you want? Maybe you should talk to my dad.”
He waved a knotted hand. “No need, boy. No need.” He knelt and picked the frame up from the ground. His knees popped and cracked. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to keep this photo. Fond memories, though the day was soured.”
“Go ahead.” I shoved my hands in my pockets to hide their shaking.
“Your father was so close. This was to be his day. His cloudy eyes drifted over the picture and he sighed. “But that boy was a fighter, all right! Always a pill to his mother, he was.”
Then he turned his gaze to the draped off corner of the room, and began to shuffle over. Now’s my chance. His back was turned, the path to the steps was free. Bolt. Run. Leave, now!
“What do you want?” I forced the words out. Feeling hot and cold at the same time.
“Yes, your father was quite the fighter,” He repeated. “But I don’t think you inherited that trait.” Then he reached up to the small divide in the curtains and pulled them wide, his huge yellow grin spread ear to ear.
All the people in the Garden will shake your hand.
Distant echoes ringing in my head. A cold draft from somewhere far away.
All the people in the Garden will shake your hand, Cole.
There she was. Her. It was really Her. A soft pounding in my chest told me that it was really, really her. All the others were fragments. Small parts of a bigger whole. I knew in the instant that those curtains parted, that it was the complete Lady. Standing on a podium, she was sheathed in a shawl and hood of beautiful crimson red. It draped to her bare toes that peeked out.
Burt Grand faded away, a distant blur on some far away land. I think I heard laughing, a plunging, gasping sound as his shape began to slide away. All unimportant white noise. The woman was like the others, one beckoning hand and another clasped above her breast. Her eyes were small planets of ice. Piercing. Freezing. Fixing. An ageless, blank face hid beneath her cowl. Soft, pale and round, her expression called on the deepest fear and sadness known. A face that’s seen it all and wishes to tell.
A dim, fading voice screamed to me. A guttural plea, deep inside. “Who are you?” I heard the words in my head, my mouth a numb mass below my nose.
Inside you can be rid of your fear. Of your loneliness. I can tell you of my ways. You will be welcomed.
“I just want to know who you are.” My head was crushing. A thunderous hot-white pain began clouding my eyes.
I deal in sleep. I am the cure to what ails you. I am the company that you wish to keep. You will be welcomed into our Garden. Take my hand. Enjoy my bread and games. Drink from my fountain and be full. Only if you come will you know my name.
The woman looked at me with stone eyes. Unmoving yet filled with ancient...something. The painted blue seemed to swim with passion. My heart was beating ice cold in my chest. A mixture of searing pain in my temples and frozen numbness in the muscles behind my eyes. Distantly, I thought this is what dying must feel like. “I don’t want to.” The words flowed like thick tar.
You do. You need me. The table is waiting. An empty seat of naught but ashes. You will rekindle and join. Reside in my court. Share in my throne, Cole.
A step. Her gaze held me. A look of a mother who’s found her wayward boy. There was fullness in those endless pools of blue. Her eyes welcomed, and her hand beckoned, In her arms was relief. Peace and love, contentment in all things. My bones screamed in protest but muscles worked, moving slowly.
Yes, my son. The fire burns eternal among us. Never be cold at my side, never be hungry.
“I don’t want to.” I repeated, Scribbling in my mind, the only thing I had left.
You do, you do.
A deep folding. An ancient craaack. A finger separated from her stone-bound hand. It pointed at me and bent. Something beneath the breaking stone. Skin or pink sinew. Draw closer, my love. Come and rest your head at my bosom. Be whole.
My body was thundering pain hammering through numbness. A deep pressure trying to break through. The finger folded out and in, layers of skin-paint and chipped mortar falling to the non-existent floor. You need, and I can give. I can give so much, Cole.
“No.”
Yes
Another dull, effortless motion. I walked closer. She was peace and completion. A longing--a desire that had never presented itself before. She called with such allure that I could only accept, despite the ever growing, spreading churning in my gut.
Then, sitting in the center of the growing, gnawing void that surrounded us, her eyes blinked. They chafed on stone lids that rubbed together like grinding teeth. They blinked and pulsed and flicked about, darting like mad over me as I drew closer. Those crystal eyes covered me head to toe. Something growing there, something primeval. Something primordial. The eyes of something waking from a long, long sleep. Above all, they were the eyes of a predator.
The desire began to blend with terror. The soft, knowing face became haunted. I moved closer and a schism grew inside me. A lust and longing, a need to be with her, to know her and join her. And a fear of all those things. They mixed and swam and fought, and I was powerless to stop walking.
All the people in the Garden will shake your hand.
“Please stop.” Another step. Passed the altar now. My feet were not my own. Each step was effortless and terrifying.
Come and give life, Cole. Be welcomed with hands and hearts. I have so much love to give, Cole. Do not tarnish this. Share my throne.
Closer now. So close I could feel Her. The white hot burning pain spiderwebbed down my neck, across my chest and back. It was a crushing weight that I couldn’t escape. I could hear her heart. Thumping and pounding against a stone cage. It was sick and dying, uneven and kicking.
Stop this, Cole. Just come and take part. Culled from many, this chance is not lasting and will not be offered again.
Her voice wavered. A quiver of excitement, of anticipation. It was full of venom, dripping in my head. I couldn't think. I couldn't respond. But the schism that had developed had now gone, and what remained was horror beyond all things. A primal fear of the darkness. The fear of your plane going down and being able to do nothing but look out your window and watch the ground get closer. It was sitting behind your eyes and watching your life support being switched off. Another step. Arms extended to meet hers.
With every ounce of will I had left. I begged. “Please. Let me go. I don’t...I can’t.”
A tremble on her chin. A blurred vibration, the gritty yawn of earth moving. So close now. Take part in the terminal play. Hurry, hurry. Reap what I have sown. Share my throne, Cole. Share my sepulcher.
The ground was completely gone from beneath me. Falling. A muddy emptiness that was stretching, pulling on every inch of my being. Still she remained in the center, eyes glazing over me, hungry, molesting. Her lips split. Her jaw shook, rolling out timeless knots. Something sharp behind her crumbling stone maw. Daggers of rot, kept hidden for eons and ready to snap.
Gone. Drifting so close. Fading so quickly. The pain began to slip away in a dull waves. Leaving in its place a growing ease. An effortless comfort that came with acceptance. Fingers about to touch now.
“The hour grows late. You have been chosen. Hurry, now. Come and know me, know my hands, my mouth, my TEETH.”
A snapping cord. A twisting, twanging recoil. A taut rope gone slack. Something hard cut my face as the feeling dripped back in. Another numb thumping on the back of my head. I wriggled my toes and fingers and blinked hard. Then, looking up at the blaring fluorescent bulb I realized I was on the floor. The hot flashing pain drained away, leaving only dull thuds behind my eyes. It was release in it’s purest form.
Memories came flooding in. My family, my old friends, everything that’s ever happened to me. It would have been gone. I knew it in that moment, that I would have been completely and utterly gone. I would have been gone.
To weep would have cost me more energy than I had. With more effort than I thought possible, I raised my head. My vision focused in and out, but the Lady was there, and she was shattered. Her head and neck were gone, and only jagged razors remained. The floor around me was covered in blood. No, no not blood, only crimson fragments. Rough painted stone beads. Pieces of Her.
My head fell back, and this time the thud of my skull on the cement hurt a little more. A loud clamour rang out beside me, and through the corner of my eye I saw a large rock roll across the floor. It was all so uninteresting. In that moment I existed with just enough capacity to lie there as feeling slowly came back to me. Nothing more. All I could do was rest on the floor and wait for the fluorescent light to become too bright to stare at. Then a shape clouded it. Blocked it out.
Words. Someone speaking. A rough, old voice cutting through the fog. Dad. He closed in. A knee bent down by my head, and suddenly I was lifted. I floated down the aisle, A passing motion of grey walls and a purple smears. One last far-away glance at the Lady. Normal. Whole. Headless, but whole. Who was she now? The Lady of the Cellar, the Chapel? The Void? No. All she was now was a headless statue. Her stone brains splattered across the floor.
I was set down again, more feeling now. Itchy, dry grass against my neck and arms. The dull orb above quickly grew too bright and I closed my eyes. My dad’s voice was stronger now. A lighthouse at the shore.
“...us Cole, I’m so s...”
Then I was in his arms. A limp sack, my hands dangling down onto hot, dry earth. He squeezed me so tight it hurt. We sat on the ground, my father rocking and speaking to me in rising-and-falling tones. “...ouldn't have…”
I was slowly coming back to life. The thudding behind my eyes began to take form as a crippling headache, the dirt between my fingers became gritty and solid. I could smell the deodorant he wore, the sweat on his chest. He pulled me away and looked at me with watery eyes, nearly brimming over. It was the first thing that came into perfect focus. That face of pure, complete regret.
“I didn't think it chose you. I can’t believe I was so stupid. Jesus Christ Cole, this whole time.”
“What happened, Dad?” The words were breathy and fleeting. Still not enough energy to cry, and I was thankful for that.
“I fucked everything up, that's what happened. I should never have brought you. I should have came alone. I just...I thought you were safe.”
“It’s okay, Dad.”
“Stop it, no it’s not Cole. Not it’s not. But it’s over now. Just one more statue and this will be over.”
“Who is she?” I opened my eyes and winced at the relentless sun. My father let me down I propped myself up on my elbows, trying to keep from shaking.
Dad sat back and rested his arms on his knees. “I don’t know. But I’ve known about her for a long time.”
“I thought...I thought I-”
My father cut in. “You thought you were dying.”
“Yeah.”
He hung his head. “She stopped pulling me when I was around your age. I thought you were safe. And Eddie showed no signs…” He trailed off, rubbing his head.
“What would have happened?” It was all out now. I was too exhausted and in too much pain to be afraid of asking.
“I don’t know. But if I was any later...I wish I had answers, Cole. I really do.”
“But you killed her, right?”
“No. I think that might have stopped her, for a while. She can...move through statues. But I think that was most of her. As far as I know, the only other one is in the upstairs hall. I lost count of how many I smashed growing up.”
We sat quietly for a time. No birds chirped, no cars drove by. I laid back and rolled onto my side. The beige grass rubbed against my nose. Now mostly back to consciousness, I felt great, all things considered. I mean, I felt horrible, terrified and stuck beneath a hurricane of a headache, but I felt safe.
Then, filling the air, my dad spoke. “At the end, she tried to give me to her.”
I rolled to face him. “Why?”
He shrugged. “I don’t want to know.”
“How did you get away?”
“By then I think I had built up a kind of resistance to her. Her affect on me was...duller by then. I just fought it and ran. The next day I moved in with your mother and her family.”
That was incredibly fitting for my dad. He just fought her off. That's just the way he is. Or maybe he is the way he is, because of her. That seemed more likely. “Does Mom know?”
“No. I’ve never told her. I had hoped I’d never have to tell anyone.”
“That guy Burt, he came down. He opened the curtains. He knew.”
“Goddamn him. If I thought I could get away with murder I’d go over and break his neck. He’s been a part of this since it started.”
“What are we going to do about him? Can we even do anything?”
“No, we can’t. He’s been on his way out for years now. He won’t be around much longer. We leave today.”
“I think that’s a good idea.” The headache was quickly becoming too much.
My dad looked at me, regret, sadness, anger and maybe even pride, all swimming in his eyes. “I think so too. Just let me take care of that last statue and we’re out of here.”
“Okay.”
“This ends with you, me, and that statue. Deal?”
“Deal.”

I got the idea of getting a thigh piece done of a clock, candelabra, tea pot and teacup - as though the Beast never found true love and his servants became the objects permanently. I'd like a wilted rose in the foreground and am unsure as to whether I'd like the mirror in with the objects cracked and covered in spiderwebs or if the objects would be reflected in the mirror. I'm not sure which would look better and am FAR from artistically talented so just looking for some creative executions :)