My boyfriend and I bought a subscription to Express VPN in the US so we could use 10Play to watch Australian Survivor. We have had no luck with the website because it is so unbearably slow, it won’t even load most of the time. On the other hand we found links to the episodes on a Facebook group but those episodes don’t have subtitles, which we really need to understand the Aussie accents. Is there anywhere else we could find the episodes online that has subtitles??

So boyfriend decided to block me on Facebook and the phone. He stopped talking to me Sunday. Took down our relationship status Monday. Called me explaining he didn’t. But I even tagged him again and he denied it so fairly certain that he is.
Asked if he was mad. He said what had happened was he thought I was careless. Knew ahead of time me & son was sick and later got his kids sick.
Without testing I do believe we have allergies. But it’s highly probable we unfortunately shared an illness. Definitely not on purpose. But regardless he said he’d call me later as though everything was ok.
Obviously upset about it all. Understandably so. Then he didn’t return calls or text. Or change dating status he said he’d look into later. 9 hours pass by. I text and call. Straight to this person unavailable message.
Usually indicates blocked. I also stopped getting delivery notifications from his phone. So I messaged him on Facebook please call when you can so we can talk.
I understand if he needs space. Or tired because Ill whatever. You’d think saying this would be the norm. But instead he then blocks me moments later on Facebook.
20 minutes or so later I get a text I just got my kids from their Mom I promise that I will call tomorrow.
Today still blocked on Facebook and phone I’m pretty sure. Text not delivered. Haven’t bothered trying to call.
Wondering if I should just forget about him assuming ghosted and start dating again. Not a very long relationship. He did rush asking me to be his girlfriend before our first date.
I have to wonder if not a deeper issue like maybe he found or had someone else. Or just decided incompatible. So strange he can’t just come straight out and say hey I’m done or no sorry just frustrated or whatever is happening.
Wondering if I should bother, wait. How to respond and deal? Feeling sad and rejected but no clue what to do next or how to feel better.

I made this burner account, I don't know how this site really works so hopefully I'm using it right
I'm a 20 year old male and I want to kill myself I'm lost, and don't see the point in trying to push on living anymore. I've come from an abusive household, thrown into another bad housing situation I currently live in a walk in closet, and unfortunately I'm too physically and mentally disabled to work functionally enough to do a 'normal job' I have been diagnosed with multiple things thought my life, schizoaffective, and DID run my entire life. I can't remember much of my childhood, and retaining memory for day to day living is taxing. My emotions are overwhelming, I feel every emotion but cranked up 10x. I have lots of issues with my legs, I'm unable to walk for long periods of time because of my disability. I want to kill myself because I don't think there's one person that can truly get down to my level. I want to kill myself because I would rather do that then feel like I'm a lab rat. I am an artist, but seeing the state of the animation industry and the state of ai has me terrified. Ever since I was a little kid I had a dream to share my stories and make comics but I just don't know if I have that strength anymore I want to kill myself because I am the definition of wasted potential. My mother and father are dead, and I have no connection with anyone in my family. I have lived without any connection from family for 3 years. I ran away from home at 17
My mom had an ulcer, she bled out. Puked up blood until she died I hadn't seen her for 3 years because I cut contact. She was abusive, physically, mentally, maybe even sexually. My dad died (maybe) of cardiac arrest. He was an alcoholic, and also physically and verbally abusive. The last time I contacted him was through Facebook Messenger, he told me he was in the hospital then suddenly stopped texting me entirely I was still a kid
I feel so incredibly lonely all the time, how long would it take for my roommates to find my body? I sit in my room and starve in hopes maybe I'll lose enough weight to be pretty I sit in my room high, just like my stoner mother I want to kill myself because I have no hope that things will get better, and that I'll eventually end up in the same hole my mom did My roommates will sit and watch me rot away, just as I watched my mom rot away I have no friends, in a sense of I don't have anyone that has truly connected to me. Sure I have people I talk to but do those people willingly come out and talk to me or try to learn about me? No. Do these people have a deep connection with me? No, and they aren't willing to. They purposely isolate me I can't reach out to my therapist, if I tell him how I really feel I'll be thrown in a hospital somewhere Tried to call a hotline and they hung up on me, ironic, so I've learned to just stay quiet about things and sit in the bathroom cutting my wrists instead. I'm always the glue in friendships, they will dwindle away eventually, no matter how much I try to bend and mold myself to fit their needs They make fun of me for it, saying I can't go 15 minutes without being perceived Maybe I'm selfish
I want to feel pretty, and loved, I so badly want to have purpose. But I cannot bear the agony that is loneliness, and I want to die. I want to be someone's son, a boyfriend, a husband or maybe even father, but I'm worried that's just wishful thinking.

so Facebook told me i have a message from my Boyfriend but it blank even know i know he sent me a message and did not deleted our messages since i seen his phone so WTF do i do how do i fix this problem?

My boyfriend (32) who I (30) love deeply suffers from depression and anxiety. A few months into the relationship, he had a manic breakdowns. For example, 2 weeks ago, he had a manic episode and disappeared for over 24 hours. Eventually, we talked and both of us were sobbing. He mentioned that he tends to be selfish and pulls away from others. He even deleted his Facebook (I wasn’t blocked). After the breakdown, everything was great. He would tell me how much he loves me and it’s very special. Over the weekend, we had a lovely afternoon at the zoo but he had to cancel the rest of the night due to stomach problems. He has celiacs. Next day, he was suppose to drive me to my parents but cancelled because he needed to drive his mom to the doctor the next day (his parents are married). There has been numerous cancellations in the past and mostly due to either helping his parents or medical problems with himself. I started to question his reasons because it was always last minute. However, we would see each other at least once a week.
The same day he broke up with me, I asked him if I should anticipate a cancellation for our get together this week. I was suppose to stay with him for a few days while a friend was in town and I offered her my place. Frankly, I was fed up which is why I mentioned it. Immediately, I noticed a drastic change in his tone. I probably should have been more considerate but word vomit. Hours later, he sent me a break up text (during Mother’s Day knowing I’m with my family) and offered to talk about it but never responded to my text asking to talk about it. He deleted his Instagram (didn’t block me) and still hasn’t responded. I anticipate he had another mental breakdown because that’s not like him. He can be hot and cold and considering the mental health pills I found in his medicine cabinet, I started to believe he might have Bipolar disorder. I have depression/anxiety and take bipolar meds (never been diagnosed with BD) but I’ve had severe mood swings throughout my life.
I’m scared he hurt himself and I’m incredibly depressed about the situation. I do love him and want to work with his mental health. I understand what’s like to suffer from mental health problems too.
Has anyone dated a partner with mental health problems? Is it common for partners to break up without thinking about it?

so im confused on fb it said i have a message from my boyfriend on fb but when i open it blank i know he not deleted our chat because i seen our chat on his phone so what do i do to fix my problem

From 2019 to 2021 I (28, trans man) dated a woman (26F now). She was extremely physically abusive and tried to isolate me from my friends and family as well as ruin my connections with them which worked. In 2021 she ran off with some other guy she met online but honestly at that point I was more relieved than heartbroken. Living with her was hell. A few months later she begged me to take her back because things didn’t work out but I refused.
I thought I could just go back to my old life until I found out that when she said she’d “follow me to the ends of the earth and make sure I never found peace if I left her” she intended to make good on that.
She’s been stalking me. On one of my socials I noticed a weird account kept viewing my page and decided to see if it was anyone I knew. Turned out it was her. I later noticed similar accounts monitoring me on other social media (Facebook, Tumblr, etc). Keep in mind that after I refused to take her back I deleted all my socials and changed my phone number, email address and moved and resurfaced under a different screen name about a year later.
I need to circle back and give you some e background information on why I am so scared of her. She views herself as a vigilante. I found out while I was with her that I was not the first person she’s done this to.
Often times she feels like she hasn’t done enough and keeps tabs on people online. She had an ex boyfriend she did that too who I found out about long after she moved in with me. The guy relocated shortly after they broke up but she managed to dig up not only his new address but a bunch of other stuff like who he was living with and places he went to regularly. She had plans to come back and get revenge on him for dumping her and those two were only together for a few mont. We were together for a couple years and living together so I think she has something extra nasty in store for me, particularly since I started seeing someone else a couple years later.
People have dismissed my concerns because she’s “just a girl” and some even think I did something to deserve it. She tried to snap my cats neck, broke my nose by hitting me in the face with her big ass clunky phone, and attempted to stab me in the eye for talking to my aunt. She also told me that if I ever found anyone else after her she’d kill them. After some of the things she did to me I don’t think that was an empty threat.
Here’s the plan I’m trying make. I don’t think what she’s doing is limited to cyber stocking. I’ve been getting some really funny phone calls the last couple of days, even though I changed my phone number a couple of years ago. Not just on my cell phone either. I spent a couple days in a motel and received a funny call on the landline they had in their motel room. When I picked up, all I heard, was breathing on the other end for quite some time before they hung up. This is similar to the stuff she did in 2021 after I told her I wasn’t taking her back hence why I changed my number in the first place.
It even happened at work. I work the night shift and if you get any calls, it’s my job to answer them because I work the front. Normally, we never ever get calls after 10 PM and got one around one in the morning. It could’ve been someone who called us by accident but when I picked up the phone I heard a heavily distorted voice on the other end. I couldn’t really understand what they were saying, but it sounded like they said my name just before hanging up.
There’s another thing that really freaks me out. I got a few calls on my cell from a number with the same area code as hers. I looked the number up and not only did I find her name associated with it, but it also listed her newest address, as being in a city about an hour away from me. I find this particularly alarming, because her permanent address has been in the same state, her whole life and I moved to a different state because I knew she lived in that area. Now it says she lives in my state only 39 miles north of me.
I realize how crazy and paranoid I sound but I think I’ve got a reason to.
My problem is I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to move because I finally have a somewhat stable job. I’m on track to transfer to the university here and finish off my bachelors degree. This city also has some really good doctors and it is so hard to find a good doctor these days. I’ve only been here a little over a year. I don’t want have to move again.
The only person who knows about this is my mom who suggested I break my lease and move back in with her but I don’t want to do that. I made so much progress and I don’t want to ruin it and go back to living with somebody who treats me like I’m 12 years old, doesn’t accept me and is almost as controlling as my ex was.
I also don’t want to put anyone else in danger though. She went after my friends before, who’s to say she won’t do it again? Should I cut all of them off and break up with the person in seeing how to protect them?

hey, y'all! This past few days, I have had this heavy feeling, or rather, a pain in my heart, and it has taken a toll on me. I came here to maybe share some stuff; maybe y'all can help or something.
My girlfriend just broke up with me. To give a bit more context, my ex-girlfriend and I met online around 8 years ago. She likes me, and I like her too. We talked, then we stopped talking to each other, then repeat, basically we're on and off for like a year or two, until we've decided to be just friends. To my surprise, we didn't just became friends, we became best friends, I am there whenever she's suffering on some stuff, and she is also there for mine. So basically, she's the closest friend I've had.
Around 2022, we began talking again, but not like normal friends; the feelings we had for each other before began to resurface, and eventually, we've decided to be exclusive. Despite knowing each other for that long, our relationship didn't have a good start nor it did have a good end. I have some attitude that she didn't like (sensitive, I overthink stuff, sometimes I'm also being impulsive) and at the same time she also have some attitude that I didn't like (she's often angry, she kind of had some anger issues which I'm really having a hard time to handle). There are times where we broke up after having a serious argument, there are times that she's the one who's breaking up with me, but most of the time I'm the one whose breaking up with her (this previous breakup doesn't last a day, it's like a 12 hours of not talking then we'll start fixing things right away).
Fast forward to May 2024, she broke up with me. I tried to reach out to her through every social media platform possible, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Email, you name it, I tried them all; but I can't reach her, she already blocked me. Two days after she unblocked me on Twitter, I took it as a sign that she wanted to talk to me again, so I called her and apologized for not being able to give her what she deserves, I let her know that I acknowledge the pain I caused her every time I broke up with her, I apologized for not being able to see her, for not noticing she was tired early on, I apologized for not being a great boyfriend. I begged her to stay, that I'm willing to change and do better, but she didn't want me anymore; she tells me that she's fine, that she's happy and peaceful, and that she doesn't want to experience my love anymore, even if I change. and then she blocks me again right after.
It hurts; I may not be the greatest boyfriend, but I did everything I could to keep her. I may be lacking in some areas, but I always try to compensate in others, and I never, never stopped working on myself, not only for me, but also for her. why can't this feeling reach her? I really loved her, and the pain of her absence is killing me. I lost my girlfriend, I lost a friend.

This situation happened months ago, but I’m asking for judgement now since things have came up and I’m still sticking with my decision.
My niece got pregnant at 17 and gave birth at 18. During her pregnancy she had a baby shower and I bought her expensive cute baby clothes/ toys and other related baby items like an expensive car seat and diapers (it was 400 for all of this). I had the money for it and I really wanted to help out my niece. Her mom (my sister) did not help her throughout the pregnancy and told me she was kicking her out as soon as the baby is born (which did happen). I don’t blame my sister for kicking her out or not caring for the baby at all, that’s a whole other situation.. I just wanted to help out my niece.
After giving birth she started living with her boyfriend and his family. I was going through Facebook and my niece has multiple listings for the baby stuff I gifted her. I message her asking why. She said she really loved the stuff I gave her.. but she’s selling it because she wanted to get piercings and a tattoo. I was pretty livid at this point and in the heat of the moment I told her don’t ever ask me for help or babysitting or anything. She then said “I have my boyfriend and his family I don’t need your help” then blocked me.
It turns out from which I heard from family that her boyfriend (the baby’s father by the way) and family aren’t all that good help. Everyone else in the family doesn’t want to babysit or help, so she has been asking me to help babysit because she wants to get a job. I flat out tell her no, and do not ask for help from me again, you don’t need my help remember? She was telling me she was at the end of her rope and can’t live like this. While at that point I started to feel bad but I just told her a second time don’t ask for my help again.
She’s been almost daily asking me for help with babysitting and money, but I’m sticking with my decision. AITAH for this?

abandon, ability, able, about, above, absence, absolute, absolutely, abstract, abundance, academy, accent, accept, access, accident, accompany, accomplish, according, account, accurate, achieve, achievement, acid, acknowledge, acquire, across, action, active, activity, actor, actual, actually, adapt, addition, additional, address, adequate, adjust, administration, admire, admission, admit, adolescent, adopt, adult, advance, advantage, adventure, advertise, advice, advise, adviser, advocate, affair, affect, afford, afraid, after, afternoon, again, against, age, agency, agenda, agent, aggressive, ago, agree, agreement, agriculture, ahead, aid, aim, air, aircraft, airline, airport, alarm, album, alcohol, alive, all, alliance, allow, ally, almost, alone, along, already, also, alter, alternative, although, always, amateur, amazing, ambition, ambulance, among, amount, analysis, analyst, analyze, ancient, and, anger, angle, angry, animal, anniversary, announce, annual, another, answer, anticipate, anxiety, any, anybody, anymore, anyone, anything, anyway, anywhere, apart, apartment, apologize, apparent, apparently, appeal, appear, appearance, apple, application, apply, appoint, appointment, appreciate, approach, appropriate, approval, approve, approximately, architect, area, argue, argument, arise, arm, armed, army, around, arrange, arrangement, arrest, arrival, arrive, art, article, artist, artistic, as, ashamed, aside, ask, asleep, aspect, assault, assert, assess, assessment, asset, assign, assignment, assist, assistance, assistant, associate, association, assume, assumption, assure, at, athlete, athletic, atmosphere, attach, attack, attempt, attend, attention, attitude, attorney, attract, attraction, attractive, attribute, audience, author, authority, auto, available, average, avoid, award, aware, awareness, away, awful, baby, back, background, bad, badly, bag, balance, ball, ban, band, bank, bar, barely, barrel, barrier, base, baseball, basic, basically, basis, basket, basketball, bath, bathroom, battery, battle, be, beach, bear, beat, beautiful, beauty, because, become, bed, bedroom, bee, beef, beer, before, begin, beginning, behavior, behind, being, belief, believe, bell, belong, below, belt, bench, bend, beneath, benefit, beside, besides, best, bet, better, between, beyond, bicycle, big, bike, bill, billion, bind, biological, bird, birth, birthday, bit, bite, black, blade, blame, blanket, blind, block, blood, blow, blue, board, boat, body, bomb, bombing, bond, bone, book, boom, boot, border, boring, born, borrow, boss, both, bother, bottle, bottom, boundary, bowl, box, boy, boyfriend, brain, branch, brand, brave, bread, break, breakfast, breast, breath, breathe, brick, bridge, brief, briefly, bright, brilliant, bring, broad, broken, brother, brown, brush, buck, budget, build, building, bullet, bunch, burden, burn, bury, bus, business, busy, but, butter, button, buy, buyer, by, cabin, cabinet, cable, cake, calculate, call, camera, camp, campaign, campus, can, Canadian, cancer, candidate, cap, capability, capable, capacity, capital, captain, capture, car, carbon, card, care, career, careful, carefully, carrier, carry, case, cash, cast, cat, catch, category, Catholic, cause, ceiling, celebrate, celebration, celebrity, cell, center, central, century, CEO, ceremony, certain, certainly, chain, chair, chairman, challenge, chamber, champion, championship, chance, change, changing, channel, chapter, character, characteristic, characterize, charge, charity, chart, chase, cheap, check, cheek, cheese, chef, chemical, chest, chicken, chief, child, childhood, Chinese, chip, chocolate, choice, cholesterol, choose, Christian, Christmas, church, cigarette, circle, circumstance, cite, citizen, city, civil, civilian, claim, class, classic, classroom, clean, clear, clearly, client, climate, climb, clinic, clinical, clock, close, closely, closer, clothes, clothing, cloud, club, clue, cluster, coach, coal, coalition, coast, coat, code, coffee, cognitive, cold, collapse, colleague, collect, collection, collective, college, colonial, color, column, combination, combine, come, comedy, comfort, comfortable, command, commander, comment, commercial, commission, commit, commitment, committee, common, communicate, communication, community, company, compare, comparison, compete, competition, competitive, competitor, complain, complaint, complete, completely, complex, complexity, compliance, complicate, complicated, component, compose, composition, comprehensive, computer, concentrate, concentration, concept, concern, concerned, concert, conclude, conclusion, concrete, condition, conduct, conference, confidence, confident, confirm, conflict, confront, confusion, Congress, congressional, connect, connection, consciousness, consensus, consequence, conservative, consider, considerable, consideration, consist, consistent, constant, constantly, constitute, constitutional, construct, construction, consultant, consume, consumer, consumption, contact, contain, container, contemporary, content, contest, context, continue, continued, contract, contrast, contribute, contribution, control, controversial, controversy, convention, conventional, conversation, convert, conviction, convince, cook, cookie, cooking, cool, cooperation, cop, cope, copy, core, corn, corner, corporate, corporation, correct, correspondent, cost, cotton, couch, could, council, count, counter, country, county, couple, courage, course, court, cousin, cover, coverage, cow, crack, craft, crash, crazy, cream, create, creation, creative, creature, credit, crew, crime, criminal, crisis, criteria, critic, critical, criticism, criticize, crop, cross, crowd, crucial, cry, cultural, culture, cup, curious, current, currently, curriculum, custom, customer, cut, cycle, dad, daily, damage, dance, danger, dangerous, dare, dark, darkness, data, database, date, daughter, day, dead, deal, dealer, dear, death, debate, debt, decade, decide, decision, deck, declare, decline, decrease, deep, deeply, deer, defeat, defend, defendant, defense, defensive, deficit, define, definitely, definition, degree, delay, deliver, delivery, demand, democracy, Democratic, Democrat, demonstrate, demonstration, deny, department, depend, dependent, depending, depict, depression, depth, deputy, derive, describe, description, desert, deserve, design, designer, desire, desk, desperate, despite, destroy, destruction, detail, detailed, detect, detection, detective, determine, develop, developing, development, device, devil, dialogue, diet, differ, difference, different, differently, difficult, difficulty, dig, digital, dimension, dining, dinner, direct, direction, directly, director, dirt, disability, disagree, disappear, disaster, discipline, disclose, discover, discovery, discrimination, discuss, discussion, disease, dish, dismiss, disorder, display, dispute, distance, distinct, distinction, distinguish, distribute, distribution, district, diverse, diversity, divide, division, divorce, DNA, do, doctor, document, dog, domestic, dominant, dominate, door, double, doubt, down, downtown, dozen, draft, drag, drama, dramatic, dramatically, draw, drawer, drawing, dream, dress, drink, drive, driver, drop, drug, dry, due, during, dust, duty, dwell, dying, dynamic, each, eager, ear, earlier, early, earn, earnings, earth, earthquake, ease, easily, east, eastern, easy, eat, economic, economy, edge, edit, edition, editor, educate, education, educational, educator, effect, effective, effectively, efficiency, efficient, effort, egg, eight, either, elderly, elect, election, electric, electrical, electricity, electronic, element, elementary, eliminate, elite, else, elsewhere, e-mail, embrace, emerge, emergency, emission, emotion, emotional, emphasis, emphasize, employ, employee, employer, employment, empty, enable, encounter, encourage, end, enemy, energy, enforcement, engage, engine, engineer, engineering, English, enhance, enjoy, enormous, enough, ensure, enter, enterprise, entertain, entertainment, entire, entirely, entrance, entry, environment, environmental, episode, equal, equally, equipment, equivalent, era, error, escape, especially, essay, essential, essentially, establish, establishment, estate, estimate, etc, ethics, ethnic, European, evaluate, evaluation, evening, event, eventually, ever, every, everybody, everyday, everyone, everything, everywhere, evidence, evolution, evolve, exact, exactly, exam, examination, examine, example, exceed, excellent, except, exception, exchange, exciting, executive, exercise, exhibit, exhibition, exist, existence, existing, expand, expansion, expect, expectation, expense, expensive, experience, experiment, expert, explain, explanation, explode, explore, explosion, expose, exposure, express, expression, extend, extension, extensive, extent, external, extra, extraordinary, extreme, extremely, eye, fabric, face, facility, fact, factor, factory, faculty, fade, fail, failure, fair, fairly, faith, fall, false, familiar, family, famous, fan, fantasy, far, farm, farmer, fashion, fast, fat, fate, father, fault, favor, favorite, fear, feature, federal, fee, feed, feel, feeling, fellow, female, fence, festival, few, fewer, fiber, fiction, field, fifteen, fifth, fifty, fight, fighter, fighting, figure, file, fill, film, final, finally, finance, financial, find, finding, fine, finger, finish, fire, firm, first, fish, fishing, fit, fitness, five, fix, flag, flame, flat, flavor, flee, flesh, flight, float, floor, flow, flower, fly, focus, folk, follow, following, food, foot, football, for, force, foreign, forest, forever, forget, form, formal, formation, former, formula, forth, fortune, forward, found, foundation, founder, four, fourth, frame, framework, free, freedom, freeze, French, frequency, frequent, frequently, fresh, friend, friendly, friendship, from, front, fruit, frustration, fuel, fulfill, full, fully, fun, function, fund, fundamental, funding, funeral, funny, furniture, furthermore, future, gain, galaxy, gallery, game, gang, gap, garage, garden, garlic, gas, gate, gather, gay, gaze, gear, gender, gene, general, generally, generate, generation, genetic, gentleman, gently, German, gesture, get, ghost, giant, gift, gifted, girl, girlfriend, give, given, glad, glance, glass, global, glove, go, goal, God, gold, golden, golf, good, govern, government, governor, grab, grace, grade, gradually, graduate, grain, grand, grandmother, grant, grass, grave, gray, great, green, grocery, ground, group, grow, growing, growth, guarantee, guard, guess, guest, guide, guideline, guilty, gun, guy, habit, habitat, hair, half, hall, hand, handful, handle, hang, happen, happy, harbor, hard, hardly, hat, hate, have, he, head, headline, headquarters, health, healthy, hear, hearing, heart, heat, heaven, heavily, heavy, heel, height, helicopter, hell, hello, help, helpful, hence, her, herb, here, heritage, hero, herself, hey, hi, hide, high, highlight, highly, highway, hill, him, himself, hip, hire, his, historic, historical, history, hit, hold, hole, holiday, holy, home, homeless, honest, honey, honor, hope, horizon, horror, horse, hospital, host, hot, hotel, hour, house, household, housing, how, however, huge, human, humor, hundred, hungry, hunter, hunting, hurt, husband, hypothesis, ice, idea, ideal, identification, identify, identity, ignore, ill, illegal, illness, illustrate, image, imagination, imagine, immediate, immediately, immigrant, immigration, impact, implement, implication, imply, importance, important, impose, impossible, impress, impression, impressive, improve, improvement, incentive, incident, include, including, income, incorporate, increase, increased, increasingly, incredible, indeed, independence, independent, index, indicate, indication, individual, industrial, industry, infant, infection, inflation, influence, inform, information, ingredient, initial, initially, initiative, injury, inner, innocent, inquiry, inside, insight, insist, inspire, install, instance, instead, institute, institution, institutional, instruction, instructor, instrument, insurance, intellectual, intelligence, intend, intense, intensity, intention, interaction, interest, interested, interesting, internal, international, Internet, interpret, interpretation, intervention, interview, introduce, introduction, invasion, invest, investigation, investigator, investment, investor, invite, involve, involved, involvement, Iraqi, Irish, iron, Islamic, island, Israeli, issue, it, Italian, item, its, itself, jacket, jail, Japanese, jet, Jew, Jewish, job, join, joint, joke, journal, journalist, journey, joy, judge, judgment, juice, jump, junior, jury, just, justice, justify, keep, key, kick, kid, kill, killer, killing, kind, king, kiss, kitchen, knee, knife, knock, know, knowledge, lab, label, labor, laboratory, lack, lady, lake, land, landscape, language, lap, large, largely, last, late, later, Latin, latter, laugh, launch, law, lawsuit, lawyer, lay, layer, lead, leader, leadership, leading, leaf, league, lean, learn, learning, least, leather, leave, left, leg, legacy, legal, legend, legislation, legislative, legislator, legitimate, lemon, length, less, lesson, let, letter, level, liberal, library, license, lie, life, lifestyle, lifetime, lift, light, like, likely, limit, limitation, limited, line, link, lip, list, listen, literary, literature, little, live, living, load, loan, local, locate, location, lock, long, long-term, look, loose, lose, loss, lost, lot, lots, loud, love, lovely, lover, low, lower, luck, lucky, lunch, luxury, machine, mad, magazine, mail, main, mainly, maintain, maintenance, major, majority, make, maker, makeup, male, mall, man, manage, management, manager, manner, manufacturer, manufacturing, many, map, margin, mark, market, marketing, marriage, married, marry, mask, mass, massive, master, match, material, math, matter, may, maybe, mayor, me, meal, mean, meaning, meanwhile, measure, measurement, meat, mechanism, media, medical, medication, medicine, medium, meet, meeting, member, membership, memory, mental, mention, menu, mere, merely, mess, message, metal, meter, method, Mexican, middle, might, military, milk, million, mind, mine, minister, minor, minority, minute, miracle, mirror, miss, missile, mission, mistake, mix, mixture, mm-hmm, mode, model, moderate, modern, modest, mom, moment, money, monitor, month, mood, moon, moral, more, moreover, morning, mortgage, most, mostly, mother, motion, motivation, motor, mountain, mouse, mouth, move, movement, movie, Mr, Mrs, Ms, much, multiple, murder, muscle, museum, music, musical, musician, Muslim, must, mutual, my, myself, mystery, myth, naked, name, narrative, narrow, nation, national, native, natural, naturally, nature, near, nearby, nearly, necessarily, necessary, neck, need, negative, negotiate, negotiation, neighbor, neighborhood, neither, nerve, nervous, net, network, never, nevertheless, new, newly, news, newspaper, next, nice, night, nine, no, nobody, nod, noise, nomination, nominee, none, nonetheless, nor, normal, normally, north, northern, nose, not, note, nothing, notice, notion, novel, now, nowhere, nuclear, number, numerous, nurse, nut, object, objective, obligation, observation, observe, observer, obtain, obvious, obviously, occasion, occasionally, occupation, occupy, occur, ocean, odd, odds, of, off, offense, offensive, offer, office, officer, official, often, oh, oil, okay, old, Olympic, on, once, one, ongoing, onion, online, only, onto, open, opening, operate, operating, operation, operator, opinion, opponent, opportunity, oppose, opposed, opposite, opposition, option, or, orange, order, ordinary, organic, organization, organize, orientation, origin, original, originally, other, others, otherwise, ought, our, ours, ourselves, out, outcome, outside, oven, over, overall, overcome, overlook, owe, own, owner, pace, pack, package, page, pain, painful, paint, painter, painting, pair, pale, Palestinian, palm, pan, panel, panic, pant, paper, paragraph, parent, park, parking, part, participant, participate, participation, particle, particular, particularly, partly, partner, partnership, party, pass, passage, passenger, passion, past, patch, path, patient, pattern, pause, pay, payment, PC, peace, peak, peer, pen, penalty, people, pepper, per, perceive, percentage, perception, perfect, perfectly, perform, performance, perhaps, period, permanent, permission, permit, person, personal, personality, personally, personnel, perspective, persuade, pet, phase, phenomenon, philosophy, phone, photo, photographer, phrase, physical, physically, physician, piano, pick, picture, pie, piece, pile, pilot, pine, pink, pipe, pitch, place, plan, plane, planet, planning, plant, plastic, plate, platform, play, player, please, pleasure, plenty, plot, plus, PM, pocket, poem, poet, poetry, point, police, policy, political, politically, politician, politics, poll, pollution, pool, poor, pop, popular, population, porch, port, portion, portrait, portray, pose, position, positive, possess, possession, possibility, possible, possibly, post, pot, potato, potential, potentially, pound, pour, poverty, powder, power, powerful, practical, practice, prayer, preach, precisely, predict, prediction, prefer, preference, pregnancy, pregnant, preparation, prepare, prescription, presence, present, presentation, preserve, president, presidential, press, pressure, pretend, pretty, prevent, previous, previously, price, pride, priest, primarily, primary, prime, principal, principle, print, prior, priority, prison, prisoner, privacy, private, probably, problem, procedure, proceed, process, processing, processor, proclaim, produce, producer, product, production, profession, professional, professor, profile, profit, program, progress, progressive, project, prominent, promise, promote, prompt, proof, proper, properly, property, proportion, proposal, propose, prosecutor, prospect, protect, protection, protein, protest, proud, prove, provide, provider, province, provision, psychological, psychology, public, publication, publicity, publish, publisher, pull, punishment, purchase, pure, purpose, pursue, push, put, qualify, quality, quarter, quarterback, quarterly, queen, quest, question, quick, quickly, quiet, quietly, quit, quite, quote, race, racial, radiation, radical, radio, rail, rain, raise, range, rank, rapid, rapidly, rare, rarely, rate, rather, rating, ratio, raw, reach, react, reaction, reader, reading, ready, real, reality, realize, really, reason, reasonable, recall, receive, recent, recently, reception, recipe, recipient, recognition, recognize, recommend, recommendation, record, recording, recover, recovery, recruit, red, reduce, reduction, refer, reference, reflect, reflection, reform, refugee, refuse, regard, regarding, regardless, regime, region, regional, register, regular, regularly, regulate, regulation, regulator, reinforce, reject, relate, relation, relationship, relative, relatively, relax, release, relevant, relief, religion, religious, rely, remain, remaining, remarkable, remember, remind, remote, remove, repeat, repeatedly, replace, replacement, reply, report, reporter, represent, representation, representative, Republican, reputation, request, require, requirement, research, researcher, resemble, reservation, resident, residential, resign, resist, resistance, resolution, resolve, resort, resource, respect, respond, response, responsibility, responsible, rest, restaurant, restore, restriction, result, retain, retire, retirement, return, reveal, revenue, review, revolution, rhythm, rice, rich, rid, ride, rifle, right, ring, rise, risk, river, road, rock, role, roll, romantic, roof, room, root, rope, rose, rough, roughly, round, route, routine, row, rub, rubber, rude, ruin, rule, run, running, rural, rush, Russian, sacred, sad, safe, safety, sake, salad, salary, sale, sales, salt, same, sample, sanction, sand, satellite, satisfaction, satisfied, satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.

hey, y'all! This past few days, I have had this heavy feeling, or rather, a pain in my heart, and it has taken a toll on me. I came here to maybe share some stuff; maybe y'all can help or something.
My girlfriend just broke up with me. To give a bit more context, my ex-girlfriend and I met online around 8 years ago. She likes me, and I like her too. We talked, then we stopped talking to each other, then repeat, basically we're on and off for like a year or two, until we've decided to be just friends. To my surprise, we didn't just became friends, we became best friends, I am there whenever she's suffering on some stuff, and she is also there for mine. So basically, she's the closest friend I've had.
Around 2022, we began talking again, but not like normal friends; the feelings we had for each other before began to resurface, and eventually, we've decided to be exclusive. Despite knowing each other for that long, our relationship didn't have a good start nor it did have a good end. I have some attitude that she didn't like (sensitive, I overthink stuff, sometimes I'm also being impulsive) and at the same time she also have some attitude that I didn't like (she's often angry, she kind of had some anger issues which I'm really having a hard time to handle). There are times where we broke up after having a serious argument, there are times that she's the one who's breaking up with me, but most of the time I'm the one whose breaking up with her (this previous breakup doesn't last a day, it's like a 12 hours of not talking then we'll start fixing things right away).
Fast forward to May 2024, she broke up with me. I tried to reach out to her through every social media platform possible, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Email, you name it, I tried them all; but I can't reach her, she already blocked me. Two days after she unblocked me on Twitter, I took it as a sign that she wanted to talk to me again, so I called her and apologized for not being able to give her what she deserves, I let her know that I acknowledge the pain I caused her every time I broke up with her, I apologized for not being able to see her, for not noticing she was tired early on, I apologized for not being a great boyfriend. I begged her to stay, that I'm willing to change and do better, but she didn't want me anymore; she tells me that she's fine, that she's happy and peaceful, and that she doesn't want to experience my love anymore, even if I change. and then she blocks me again right after.
It hurts; I may not be the greatest boyfriend, but I did everything I could to keep her. I may be lacking in some areas, but I always try to compensate in others, and I never, never stopped working on myself, not only for me, but also for her. why can't this feeling reach her? I really loved her, and the pain of her absence is killing me. I lost my girlfriend, I lost a friend.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now. He's 34, I'm 30. Last night we had a difficult conversation that left me feeling confused. For context, the last 2 months have seen more arguments than usual. I figure this is normal as we're finally stepping into more "serious" territory and seeing each other more clearly. We've had a great relationship otherwise. We spend days on end together switching from his place and mine. We both have dogs and they're also a big part of our relationship.
Our recent arguments have stemmed from instances where we've been socializing with his friends, and on two occasions I've mentioned to him that I wasn't feeling very included in conversations. I always make an effort to include myself in conversations and engage. I feel his friends like me, one of them even shares memes with me from time to time. However, on those two specific occasions I felt more insecure because they were with women. I expressed that if i'm his date to something, it's important to me that he includes me, especially if it's with other women. During these arguments he gets defensive and explains how he doesn't understand where I'm coming from, that he did include me. Now, I don't know if i'm being insecure, as it's true that this only triggers me when it's with other women. But I feel there should be an extra level of respect and reassurance as the dynamic between men / women is different.
His defensiveness and lack of validating my emotions has left me feeling hurt. This is generally his response for any sort of feedback I give him when something has bothered me. I feel it's also important to note that I also give him a lot of positive feedback when he does things right, and in general I'm always complimenting him, telling him I'm proud of him, etc.
Sadly, he's recently expressed he's feeling checked out due to all of the arguing. This frustrates me even more because all I ever wanted was validation. It felt he made the arguments worse by becoming defensive about everything. In yesterday's conversation, he sent screenshots of my FB profile where I still had pictures of my ex husband of 7 years. He said it hurt him and I deleted it immediately. I don't use facebook and deleting 7 years of photos felt tedious. But I deleted them because I do realize it was way past that time. It doesn't help that my ex lives in my neighborhood and we've run into him a few times, which he's also expressed bothers him.
To wrap it all up, he expressed these feelings yesterday at the park. I heard him out and listed the things I can do work on certain areas of myself. I realize I can be quite reactive when I feel triggered in the moment, rather than calmly assessing the situation and analyzing if it's worth saying something or not. When these instances arise, we've usually been drinking and that makes it all the worse.
He's saying he's not sure right now about everything, that it's the same thing over and over again and he's tired. I asked him what does that mean, to which he responded "I don't know". Of course, that was very painful to hear, however it's not the first time in the last few days. I told him he's basically breaking up with me, to which he responds "that's not what I said". I feel so confused. I'm not speaking to him until he reaches out, but I'd love to know your thoughts on the matter and potentially someone can help me understand what any of this means.
Thank you

Hi. I am a 29 F that just broke up with my 38 M narcissistic boyfriend of 6 years (on and off) back in February, he moved out March. I’ve been going to therapy since then and we established that I should be single for at least a year so I can properly grieve each holiday, birthday, vacation without them and know how to be alone. I think that’s a great idea but it’s hard cuz I’m considered to be conventionally attractive and men are always trying to date me. Even if I say I am not interested. I’ve always had a boyfriend, ever since I was 15, I was never single, because men always wanted to date me and I always jumped into relationships without getting to know them first. So it’s safe to say, I haven’t had the best romantic relationships. I get a lot of attention and although the men love it at first (all these guys want her but she’s with me), they eventually grow jealous, don’t trust me, and it ends up being very toxic and they try to change who I am.
With that being said, I am focused on myself and learning how to be by myself. My goal for my future partner would be someone who is genuinely my friend. Someone who isn’t trying to have sexual relations with me I don’t know how realistic that is but, every guy “friend” I’ve had later confessed how they liked me and when I expressed I didn’t feel the same way they stopped being my friend. So I’m hoping to genuinely be friends with a man and we somehow fall in love? Anyways, I met a man through a Facebook group I’m in. I was giving away some unused dancing shoes for men and he came by to pick them up and we have been friends since. He was very sweet and we opened up to each other about our past. He said he hasn’t been single in 6 years, he’s always had a girlfriend and I told him about my toxic 6 year on and off relationship with my ex and we both talked about how I would like to be friends with a man for a long time before dating them cuz I would like to know his personality since I’ve always just jumped into relationships with men I basically didn’t even know. He completely understood… or so I thought.
One day he came over so we can eat tacos and watch black mirror, we normally hang out with other people but this time we were alone. And he tried kissing me… I would avoid it but he literally grabbed my face and we made out but it felt so forced and I did not enjoy it at all. I just wanted him to leave but he overstayed his welcome and I was too nice to ask him to leave. He eventually left and I just felt icky.
The following week he was supposed to take me to the airport. I asked him to come to my place at 6:30 AM. That morning, I was running late, I probably would have been ready by 6:45 MAX. He shows up at 6:10 AM knocking at my door. I didn’t answer the door cuz I’m literally running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything together for my flight. I’m frustrated cuz 1. He is supposed to pick me up. I never said he could come inside. Pick me up to me means that you literally pull up and wait for me to come outside when you tell me you are outside. 2. He showed up so early!! I would have felt bad if he showed up at 6:30 but he showed up at 6:10 and I felt super rushed. Not only that but he kept trying to open my door. So I told him to go wait in his car. I never invited him in and I didn’t want him in my home watching me run around like a mad woman. This just completely turned me off.
He’s been messaging me and tryin to hang out but I’ve just been coming up with excuses. AITA? Am I over reacting?

For context, I’m a 25yo female, that comes from a mixed background (my mother 56F is a white woman from southern Europe, my father is from the Balkans and migrated to my country when he was younger). This is relevant and you will understand later.
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town in southern Europe, where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about immigrants coming to our country and jadajadajada. The government is mostly right wing. So yeah, I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but as in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
Anyway, she suspected I was seeing someone for a while, I never really said much but I’ve been giving her a few hints in the past weeks and now that I came back to my hometown for a week she started being very curious. The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
then she continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
I don’t really know how to handle this. And I’m also just venting and need some support. I wished we could all act as adults, respect each other, have a normal relationship. Am I asking for too much?!
Any advice is highly appreciated.
I’ll be stuck in her house for the next two days and finally I’ll leave on Thursday. I want her to think about her actions and realize where she did wrong before I leave. I don’t wanna put this under the carpet cause it’s unacceptable.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and at the same time she plays the victim and claims she lost me the moment I moved abroad and I don’t care about her even if we talk everyday. I wished there was a way to behave like adults. Advices on setting boundaries?

I am NOT OP. OP is u/BlueMillennium with one post being by u/Resource-National
Posts were originally posted to BabyBumps and pregnant
Trigger Warnings: may be distressing to those suffering from infertility, mentions of babyloss/stillbirth, mental health issues
Original Post : Posted on May 2, 2024 (12 days ago) by OOP
I have a weird situation and I need a sanity check. Please tell me I'm not crazy for being concerned and skeptical.
Background: a friend of mine is 34 years old, first time mom, and currently 42.5 weeks pregnant. She says her doctor is not concerned at all. After her 41 week appt, I asked when she would be getting induced, since generally doctors don't let you go past 41 weeks. She said her doctor didn't even talk about induction and baby is healthy, etc. Then a week later, she said her and her doctor briefly talked about induction and because she's dilated, doctor thinks she's in labor and to just come to the birthing center that night to check on progress. She ended up not going in at all because "she's not cramping" and made another appointment with her doctor, which was yesterday. She just let me know that her doctor said they'll induce her on Friday when she's 43 weeks! I'm absolutely baffled. I've given birth 3 times and every single time, they've told me that they rarely let women go past 41 weeks.
I'm starting to think something is going on. This friend is a bit of an odd duck. I have not seen her in person since she told us she was pregnant. She's turned down every offer for baby items, baby shower, walking buddy, etc. She has sent over baby bump pics over the last few months. She has a really small build but does have a small bump I guess. Nothing that would make me think she's 3 weeks overdue.
This is weird, right??
Comments agree that it is indeed strange but a few comments offer potential explanations.
Relevant Comments
mrun1: Midwife here. I think it’s entirely possible your friend and her doctor are going off different due dates. As many others have commented very few providers would be so relaxed about someone going >42 weeks. We often see a due date change after the dating scan but sometimes folks really latch onto their first “due date” that was based only on their last period.
MabelMyerscough: That would also make me very suspicious.. please let me/us know what the 'end result' is! Something sounds indeed shady.. but she's not in the same country as you guys right now? Is she in a country with very weird healthcare?

OOP: She's in the US at a large health system. Her boyfriend lives in Europe. It's a weird situation all around. The boyfriend was supposed to come down for the birth but she's made excuses on why he's not here. At first it was because he only had a week of vacation time and didn't want to get here too early and now it's that he'd rather spend that time with the baby after she's born. This friend was originally going to move to Europe for the birth but that never happened either...

MabelMyerscough: Interesting.. I'm not in the US but from what I read the US is even stricter with inducing early if needed and not past 41 weeks! Where I come from in EU they let you go until 42 weeks if all checkups are good, but not longer than that, ever..
Yeah maybe surrogate or something? I'd still be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.. has she shared pictures of nursery or something?

OOP: No pictures. We even asked for an ultrasound picture when we got suspicious (we have a friend chat group) but she said she never got copies of the images. It's so shady!! I've offered her my baby stuff that she might need but she doesn't want it for various reasons.
So I'm actually a surrogate and she's well aware of my experience with it. I don't think she could afford it 😕

DeepBackground5803: Is she someone you would have seen in person before pregnancy?
The 43 week induction is concerning to me. Weird especially that her doctor told her to go to the birthing center that night to get checked out, but she didn't because she wasn't cramping.
What do you think is going on? Do you think she secretly has a surrogate? Lying about being pregnant altogether?

OOP: We see each other maybe once or twice a year so not super concerning. She has a boyfriend who she visited overseas, which is supposedly where she got pregnant. I'm thinking there's something shady going on but at some point... There's no baby.. lol

UPDATE: Friend won't be induced until 43 weeks : Posted on May 5, 2024 (10 days ago) by OOP
My friend said her water was starting to leak on Thursday around 2pm. She said her doctor told her not to come in until her contractions are 4 min apart. She was not currently having contractions but more sharp cramps. Friday morning, I checked in on her. She said she's still not having contractions and she still plans to go in that night (last night) around 8pm. I text her around that time to wish her luck and I hope things go well, yadda yadda. She just said "thank you" and nothing else. No updates overnight.
My friend is a nurse at her delivery hospital and called me this morning, asking for an update because she's concerned about her water breaking nearly 48 hours ago and she hasn't had the baby. So, she called her hospital to see if my friend was there and they have no record of her checking in at all. She plans to text her this morning and see if she says she is in the hospital or what. We are all in the same group chat, for reference.
This is all just so crazy. My nurse friend said there's no way her doctor wouldn't have her immediately come in if she's 43 weeks and her water broke. I have no idea what to think. This friend is always really open and texts us all the time with random updates so the radio silence is not normal for her.
Update: friend says she's currently at the hospital and doing well but it's possible she put herself on the privacy list.
{Edited to remove private information}
**I get it. Nurse friend may crossed a line. I have no idea. Just updating with what I was told.
To be continued! 🤷🏼‍♀️
Update 2: it's now been almost 48 hours since she's arrived at the hospital, supposedly. She has said multiple times that she's there and all is well. Zero pictures, updates, or information. She's responding to other messages like normal. It's been 72 hours (I think) since her water broke and she's past 43 weeks now. This friend is one who sends tons of pictures when she's doing anything exciting so... This is definitely not like her. She has volunteered pregnancy related information the last several months.
We don't know how long to let this go. We all agree that we think there is no pregnancy or baby. We've all been friends since elementary school so this is hard for us to accept. There's 3 options. 1) she's pregnant and lied about her due date for whatever reason. 2) she truly believes she's pregnant even though we are pretty sure she hasn't been a doctor. 3) she's just straight up lying. This is hard for us because she hasn't posted on social media so if she wanted the attention, why not post there too? We are thinking that she's lied about previous life events. She was once engaged for years without any wedding or meeting the supposed fiance. I'm sad for her and mad/disappointed she is lying to us.
What do we do??
Update 3: I don't even know how to start. Friend has supposedely been in the hospital for several days at this point. I'm actually in St Lucia right now on vacation so don't have access to our chat group via texts so trying to get updates via FB.
One friend in that text group said she reached out privately and the friend said she had the baby but was too stressed to send pics or updates. So she reached out to the other friend in the chat who said she also reached out to the pregnant friend who said she has NOT had the baby and was starting pitocin that day. So she's now telling people different things
And now, another reddit user reached out via PM. She posted a topic on the Pregnancy subreddit about this exact story. Someone linked her to my posts. I can confirm it is indeed the same person. The main details she has shared are the same with a few things that are off from what I was told.
We are actively trying to get a hold of her parents. They moved recently and no longer have the landline number but we are very concerned.
Edit 4: one friend in our group was able to find pregnant friends home address. This friend is closest to her between all of us. She is going to go over this evening and is prepared to talk to her. We talked to someone we know who is a psychologist and helped us with what to say, how she might react, etc. her parents should be there as well.
Pregnant friend has told one friend that she had the baby yesterday and another friend that she just had the baby an hour ago and is being discharged, which is just impossible. We think she truly believes she is pregnant based off a pregnancy test and it was likely a chemical pregnancy. She never met with a doctor because other tests were negative and I think deep down, she was afraid a doctor would confirm that there is no baby. So, she decided to carry on as if she was pregnant and now she has tricked herself into thinking she is pregnant.
We also found the baby daddy from Europe. He is married. We believe maybe they had an affair. His wife may have already tried talking to pregnant friend and accused her of lying. Or, maybe she found some random guy and made the whole thing up. We have no idea. We are going to urge her to go to a mental health facility in her town.
Relevant Comments:
ruebarbara_: Dude! I had a life long friend do this to me in 2022. Lied the whole way through the pregnancy. Had a baby shower. Bought a fake bump. Boyfriend was excited to be a dad. But none of us actually hung out together. Literally no one knew it was all a lie until she went in for her “induction” and instead she actually fled the state because she was in too deep and didn’t know what to do. Her mom called me and asked what doctor she sees, I gave her the name. She called the clinic and this friend never showed up for her confirmation of pregnancy appointment. Her mom was so embarrassed but also worried. Friend ended up going to inpatient psych for a few days. She’s a pathological liar. We are no longer friends as this wasn’t the first time she had lied about something major and I just don’t have the mental space for that. It was a wild ride that actually caused me a lot of anxiety.

OOP: Oh my God 😲😲 that's what I'm thinking now.. how is she going to get out of the lie??

NoYesterday_6662: I wonder if she feels like she’s “ behind “ in the friend group. So she makes stuff up to feel better. Idk if any of the other friends maybe are married or have kids? So she’s making things up to feel like she’s not “ left out “?

OOP: Yeah she's always wanted kids. There's one other friend who is unmarried, no kids. 🤷🏼‍♀️

bananapajama1: when is the last time you saw her in person? :o is that normal for your friendship?

OOP: It's probably been a year but yeah that's normal. We try to see each other twice a year. I did offer to see her; throw a shower, be her walking buddy, go shopping for baby stuff. She didn't take me up on any of it. Now that is odd. Originally when she told us she was pregnant, she said she was moving to Europe with the boyfriend so it was just so chaotic there for a while, according to her.

Beckella: She’ll claim she had a stillbirth for the attention.

OOP: I think she's convinced herself that she's really pregnant. She did maternity photos and everything but she doesn't really look pregnant. Bloated maybe

JG0923: Is she one to lie about things in general? I had a friend like that who lied about A LOT of things in her life and we didn’t realize it for years and years.

OOP: Looking back at the things she's said over the years, it's possible. She had a fiance for 5 years that I never met. Wondering if that was a lie. Ugh

Resource-National: This is crazy! I “met” a woman on a fertility fb group who is telling me the exact same thing! She lives in Kansas City apparently and has no baby bump and has told me for months she’s been bullied by friends and co workers. She has sent me bump pictures and even photos from her maternity shoot. Literally same story- leaking fluid on Thursday and it’s Sunday and no baby. Today she told me she’s 42 and 6!!! And even said her friends are “attacking” her saying she’s not even pregnant! Really curious if it’s the same woman.

OOP: Wow, same woman. I saw your PM. Holy shit this is wild.

Going past 42 weeks? : Posted on May 6, 2024 (8 days ago) by u/Resource-National
I think I may have befriended a person who is faking their pregnancy. We met on an online fertility community and both got pregnant around the same time. We’ve checked in on each other through our “pregnancies”. She claims to have a very small bump, which I know can happen, and has more or less been bullied by friends and co workers. She’s sent me bump pics throughout her pregnancy and there is no bump.
She’s post term now. Around 40 weeks she claimed to be spotting for a week saying it was her “bloody show”. I tried to keep an open mind because even tho this is my second pregnancy and none of my friends had a bloody show like that, hey, anything is possible right? Now she claims to have been leaking amniotic fluid since Thursday night. She messaged me Friday afternoon and my response was to call her dr or go to labor and delivery to be checked. She claimed that it was confirmed to be amniotic fluid and she was told to go home since she wasn’t having contractions. I found that odd considering she was past the 24 hr mark.
Today she says she’s still leaking fluid and has no contractions. Then I asked her how far long she is and she said 42.6. Prior to this, the first thing she said to me was how she was so upset because her close friends were accusing her of faking a pregnancy. I found that really odd. But after the 42.6 I have to wonder. When I suggested she got to l&d immediately it seemed like groundbreaking news to her (“will they help labor speed up?”). She said she was treated at the er on Friday, which my understanding is that anything pregnancy related always goes through l&d.
I realize not everyone has a provider who educates them or takes it upon themselves to learn the basics of pregnancy. Maybe she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. But now I’m thinking this person is either fake or totally lying about being pregnant. Either way it’s bizarre!! Does any ob permit pregnancy past 42 weeks in the us?!
Edit:
Wow- the number of comments saying they’ve seen this similar story questioning this woman’s pregnancy is insane. For the record I’ve never told this woman any identifying features other than I live on the west coast. No photos etc. this is through Facebook and my profile is extremely private and we are NOT Facebook friends! Thank you for your concern. My mind def went to all of the horror stories.
Update: It’s safe to say this woman isn’t pregnant. In a shocking turn of events here is a post about the same woman written by her irl friend https://www.reddit.com/BabyBumps/s/LpIboHfJT5
Here is the final Update #2 to this very sad and bizarre saga: https://www.reddit.com/BabyBumps/s/Zm4ARKWcW1
Relevant Comments:
Possible_Library2699: I feel like someone else posted about this same woman!?

ppaulapple: The OP in the other sub just confirmed it’s the same person 2 hours ago 🤯

Final Update: 43 week pregnant friend has admitted to not being pregnant. : Posted on May 7, 2024 (7 days ago) by OOP
A lot has happened in the last 24 hours. Previous posts can be found in my history. I'll link to them later.
Pregnant friend will be called El in this post for simplicity sake.
El has told different friends different stories over the last couple days. She told one friend that she gave birth yesterday, but another friend that she gave birth today and is already home and doing well. The friend closest to her was able to find her home address (she moved recently).
Friend went to the delivery hospital to double check that she wasnt there. They confirmed they had no patient with that name. She called El. She asked El where she was and El said she was leaving the hospital right now. Friend said "well I am here so I'll help you walk out". That's when El broke down and admitted everything after my friend was able to meet her at her house. Here's the gist:
El visited her boyfriend in Europe. A few weeks later, she thought she might be pregnant. She took a test and it had an incredibly faint line. She started posting in pregnancy FB groups asking for confirmation. Then she went to the doctor and asked for an ultrasound. They confirmed that there was no baby. El was convinced they were lying to her. She says she went to another boutique ultrasound place and they did a 3d scan and found a baby and did an entire pregnancy scan. (We don't believe this actually happened). Then El started getting symptoms, her belly starting growing and she fully convinced herself that she was pregnant. She did maternity photos, prepped for a baby and told her workplace and parents. She never went back to the doctor because she was convinced they were all lying to her.
Once she hit "full term", she starting getting anxious. She thought she was cramping, losing her mucus plug, and her water broke. She didn't know what to do because the doctors wouldn't help her. Once she went past 43 weeks, she decided to go to the hospital (yesterday). She showed up with her hospital bags packed and her parents went with her. She told the front desk that she was 43 weeks pregnant and was ready to have her baby. I don't know what all happened here but they basically turned her away and told her she was not pregnant or having a baby. We think her parents started to figure it all out a week or so ago, but didn't know the extent of the lies. They have always let El do whatever she wants and pay for her entire lifestyle. We assume she lied to them about everything.
Friend said El does have a swollen belly that looks like she's 20ish weeks. They talked for a long time and she is grieving this lost pregnancy/baby. She legitimately thought she was going to give birth.
We think she is suffering from a phantom pregnancy. Thank you to the redditor who told me about this. I had never heard of it.
We are all very upset for her and realize that we need to be very careful. We are not going to attack her or confront her as a group. We have a mental health resource ready to help her, if we can delicately get her to agree to go.
This is not how I thought this would all play out. This is all so unbelievable. I appreciate everyone who reached out and commented with words of support. 🩷
Relevant Comments:
linny93: You mentioned in your last post that the “father” is married. Did you get any update on that situation? Did she choose a random European guy and say it was her fiancé?

OOP: She seems to think they are together but his FB says otherwise. He has posts with his wife on trips, etc. we just don't know yet 😕

cherb30: I’m a little confused, forgive me for being skeptical!
Do women who lose a baby 20+ weeks ago still have a noticeable baby bump? What do you mean they “turned her away and told her she was not pregnant”… did they take a pregnancy test or just turn her away? Did any of your friends become concerned that she waited til 43 weeks to go to the doctor to deliver? That is super late. Also I’m really surprised the hospital would have disclosed she was/was not a pregnant patient there. Anyway just my initial questions on this!

OOP: We all started getting very suspicious at 41 weeks when she said her doctors didn't want to induce her and it grew with each week she went past. We were very very concerned, hence my initial post on this subreddit.
I don't know if the hospital did any tests or checked her in any way. I'm shocked they wouldn't have her meet with a social worker or something. She def does not look pregnant enough to give birth. She's a very tiny girl normally so any weight gain in her stomach would be very noticeable. She probably weighs 100-110 pounds. I think it was probably obvious she wasn't ready to give birth and they maybe told her to go to the ER when she wasn't in their patient system.
We are trying to sort between the truth and lies she's spun trying to convince herself and others.

OOP (in response to a deleted comment): She isn't actually pregnant but she truly believes she was pregnant, enough to convince her body that she was. It's called a phantom or hysterical pregnancy. She's having a mental health episode. She's not insane but she does need professional support. She thought she was coming home with a baby. That's what she is grieving. She's wanted to be a mom so badly.
PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT IN ANY LINKED POSTS OR COMMENTS
Marking as concluded due to OOPs friend being confirmed to have not been pregnant.

so for context, i (18f) am bisexual and definitely have a preference for women and my boyfriend (19m) is 100% aware of this and respects it. this will make sense later i swear; so let's call my boyfriend bob to make this easier. bob has only ever been in one serious relationship before this one, they apparently were quite "toxic" and were on and off for 3ish years.
me and bob have been dating for just over a year and it's been great. besides him getting mad over me and multiple female friends getting in our male friends car to get from point A-B or to simply go for a drive since we live in a pretty small town. mind you, these aren't just random male friends -they're 2 people we have known way before i knew my boyfriend existed and we have never flirted or had any romantic connection in any way. i never thought anything was wrong with this until bob said it made him uncomfortable that other men were driving me around (he also didn't have a license at the time)
as he's always treated me well and i respect him, i stopped going out for rides with these guys and continued with going out on the weekends with the girls. but almost every time he would pick a guy or two that went to the function and ask me a million questions about them and act as if i was interested or if the guy was around me. what really annoys me about this is that he knows i am pretty easily 'off-put' by most men and my preference for women. the amount of men he has told me to remove as followers etc… even my plug😭
he has NEVER raised even the slightest suspicion about girls im around or new female friends i make, but any new male he gets super uptight about. i have never cheated on him let alone anyone and I've actually been cheated on in the past, so i know the pain and i could never do that to someone which bob is also aware of.
i don't use snapchat, i barely post on socials, this is actually my first post here (yay??) and id let him sift through my phone if he asked. despite this, he looked through my phone one night after i was knocked out from a 10 hour shift and all he found was personal messages from my two (17f, 18f) best friends. i was super upset about this but let it go eventually. now, i felt really bad for doing this; a few (maybe 3) months later i couldn't sleep and was watching netflix on my laptop and his phone charging next to me started ringing about 2 calls before i picked up and it was just bobs (19m) best friend wanting something from bob. i let the best friend know he was asleep and that i'd get bob to call in the morning.
instead of switching his phone off, i started looking through the almost 300 friends he had added on facebook. i found his ex, PLENTY (mostly) females and got so upset. since he still had his ex added i got suspicious and looked through his notes where he has a list made WHEN DATING ME with a code of the nsfw activities he's done and with who. it was disgusting and my name was of course in there.
then, recently he "didn't plan" to run into these two females with his mate who has a crush on one. apparently the 4 of them sat in a park together and "talked" and when telling me about it said "don't be mad" when these are random girls he barely knows and i've cut off males i've been friends with since middle school.

I currently (40M) had my ex (35F) completely destroy our relationship while I was working out of town for a few months. This happened a year ago and wish I had these stories as a resource while going through it. I have just started to use Reddit and been reading the experiences of others here and have decided to share my story in hopes it will maybe help others. That way some good may come from some of the worst times of my life.
A little backstory for context for the story and insight to some of the decisions I made. When I turned 30 I left the major city in my Province (it is like a state if you are an American) because buying just a simple house is over a million dollars and I don't make near enough to afford that. My goal was to move to somewhere more rural to buy a house, meet someone, get married and have a child or two. It was my only dream I had and believed I could attain it. I lived out in the bush on my step dads property in a run down trailer I bought so I could save money for the first 3 years. I had my dog but the loneliness of living in the middle of nowhere had got to me. By then I had saved a fair amount of money, so I decided to move into the town. It was nice, it cut my commute down by 40 minutes, I had started to make a few friends and no longer felt so isolated. It was through my friends I met my future ex. Let's call her Kali. She had a long term boyfriend when we first met. Their relationship ended a couple of years after meeting her and we started dating a few months after.
We mostly had a great relationship for the next 4 years. The only thing was it was on again off again. She would dump me after I did anything really special for her for a week and beg me to take her back. It was like clockwork. I used to think it was because of her depression and that she didn't believe she deserved to be truly happy. Nowadays I actually think she might have been cheating the whole time and just felt guilty about it when I did nice stuff for her but I will never know the truth. I don't care what the reality is anymore anyway, Time has a funny way of making stuff like that irrelevant. We did have one bigger break of about 5 months. When it happened I took time off work to travel in my RV the whole time. From spring to summer. I really didn't like the town I lived in and decided to use that time to check out the rest of my Provence to figure out where I wanted to restart my life. She was basically the only reason I stayed for so long. I did have a decent job and family close by but most people I met there were not good people. Lots of drug users, liars, and general scumbags. I had only a few real friends there. After I got back and had decided where I was going to move to she had decided she wanted me back. She begged me to stay and be with her. She told me that she wanted to get serious. We started making real progress about getting married, having kids and looking at buying a house. Everything was coming up Milhouse and I couldn't be happier. So You can probably guess this is when my tale becomes interesting for you and life got real bad for me.
My career is seasonal. I work from spring to the end of fall and can go on unemployment insurance or find work. My dad had asked if I could help on his farm breeding horses that winter when I had still planned to leave my town. I had promised him that I would because it would give me a place to stay before people in my field of work would be looking for employees. This had been agreed upon before me and Kali had got back together. Now I have always been a man of my word. It's something I take great pride in. I have always hated liars. I don't mind a little embellishment to make a story more fun or if two people's stories are different as long as they both believe that was how the events happened. Everyone remembers things slightly off. She was upset that I had intended to keep my word to my dad but I had every second weekend off. The town my dad is in was only a 2 hour drive. So I told her I would be back twice monthly for weekends and that it would only be for 4 months. For the first two months everything seemed fine. During this time I started to look at rings to pop the question and booked an expensive spa for two days in May to propose. There was only one weird thing that happened during the first two months. On one of my visits she confided in me that her brother's wife had cheated on him and that their newborn baby was most likely not his. I was shocked that she not only knew but didn't plan to tell him. She said she didn't want to tell him for fear of breaking up the family. I told her that he has the right to know and that she was being a bad sister by knowing and not telling him. I also informed her if he found out she knew and didn't say anything that he would most likely kick her out of his life. She made me swear I wouldn't tell him. Even though I thought it was wrong I did agree to not say anything. It did get me wondering how she could not only not tell him but stay friends with someone that could do that to her brother. I think that's when I started to question her morals. The third month she asked that I didn't come out because she was "sick". I told her I didn't care, I could still come out and take care of her. She convinced me that she didn't want me to come so I just worked on the farm instead. I switched weekends so I could come out the next instead of in two weekends. The weekend she was "sick" her phone was off the whole time, lasting into the week. She told me her phone went through the washing machine. She was actually on a bender but I didn't learn that till later.
So I head out the following weekend. As soon as I arrive I start getting super sketchy vibes. I was already weirded out about the stuff with her brother and ghosting me for 4 days as we talked/texted multiple times a day normally. At first she acts great to me, cooks me steak and we go out to the bush to have a fire in the snow. At the fire she really started drinking heavily. She then mentions a guy she had been hanging with lets call him Brad. So alarm bells start going through my head. We go back to her house and she keeps drinking. I wanted to keep a clear head so I only had three beers all evening. She put her phone down unlocked because of how drunk she was and I took it to the bathroom with me to look up texts between them. I felt so guilty for doing it at first but once I see the text between the two of them the guilt is replaced with rage. I go to her room to confront her and she breaks down. First, how dare I go through her phone, this never would have happened if I would have broken my promise to my dad, nothing really happened between them, blah, blah, blah. I was furious and drove off. She blows up my phone the whole time. I don't answer. Ten minutes after I left her mother called me. She lives at her moms house. I took the call and her mom said she is freaking out and has harmed herself. I decide to go back and she has a bandage wrapped around her arm. Her mom hid all the sharp objects she could find. She was having a full on panic attack and begs me to not leave. I told her I would stay if she told me the truth. She admits to hooking up with him one time just that last weekend when she asked me not to come out. It kind of matches the messages and I believe her. I stay there till she falls asleep. Once she does I send Brad a text saying that she has a boyfriend with some screen shots of our conversations me and her have had that week. I was about to drive back to the farm when the dude called her phone. I pick up the call and tell him I am her boyfriend. He asks if that was a joke and I assure him it is not. He said he didn't know and actually apologized. I tell him that I'm pissed but if he didn't know I couldn't blame him. I should have asked him more questions but I was tired, not thinking straight and just wanted to go back to the Farm even though it was two am by this point. I get home and crash. Turned my ringer off because I know once she wakes up she will start calling like crazy. After getting the horses in for the night I decided to look at my phone for the first time all day. Around thirty missed calls and a ton of texts. I decide I need another day before I talk to her. Now while the whole day all I can think about is that it was just one time, she seems to be genuinely remorseful about it, how I'm 39 and really want children before I get too old. I took a call from her the next day on Sunday in the morning. She is still wasted. She hadn't stopped drinking since I was there Friday. We talk and I tell her that I am really upset but am willing to give us another chance. I still was in love with her and wanted to have kids, get married and buy a house with her. It was the dream I felt I worked so hard for. She was so happy I took her back and swore to me nothing like this would ever happen again. Basically I was a fool lol.
So I decided on my next set of days off to borrow my stepdads summer home on the river so we can have the place to ourselves. I grab food that she loves so I can cook her dinner and try to make it very romantic. I want to rekindle my love with her so I wanted to go all out on an amazing weekend. I pick her up and she is already a little drunk. I kind of wanted to hang sober but I don't wanna mess up with her so don't say anything thinking we can do a sober day when I take her out to go shopping and dinner the next day. When we get there she gets hammered. Kali had brought a big of bottle fireball on top of a bunch of white claws. I again didn't really drink that night. Once she was drunk and tired I carried her to the bed. As Kali is in my arms she looks up at me and says in slurred words "I don't know why you even felt threatened by Joe" I ask "what did you just say?". "I don't know why you even felt threatened by Brad" she replied. I put her to bed and my mind starts racing. Now her ex before me has a really close name to the one she said first but I also know she has a friend named Joe I only met a couple of times. They were not close or even hung out but were more like acquaintances. I go in her purse to look at her phone again but the battery is dead and I can't find her charger. I have an Iphone so I can't charge it up to look. I didn't sleep that well that night with everything going on in my head. I woke up at 6 am to her being very loud on the phone. I went out to the living room and she had drank all the booze left over from the night before. I ask her who she was on the phone with and she tells me an uber to leave. I ask why is she going to leave? Kali tells me she is upset that I tried to get into her phone. Guess I didn't put it back in her purse. Must have been out of sorts and forgot. I tell her I can drive her once I go to the washroom and get some clothes on. I go to do that, come out of the washroom to see Kali has already left. She was so drunk that she had left half her stuff behind. I decided to have breakfast before bringing her stuff to her house. After breakfast I packed her stuff into my SUV and noticed it had snowed that night. I could see her footprints out into the driveway. While Dropping off her stuff I noticed there were no footprints leading to her house, so I tried calling Kali. No answer. I left her stuff in the snow and decided to drive by her brothers and sisters house to see if there were footprints going into any of their houses but there were none. I sent her a nasty text about knowing she didn't go home, to go be with Brad or Joe or whoever and never call me again. It was a lot more profane than that but that's the gist of it. Cleaned up the house my stepdad lent me and back off to the farm yet again. The next day she blows up my phone and again I wait another day to talk to her. She tells me that she went home but I know that can't be true from the snow, but she says I must have been mistaken. She apologizes for getting drunk and leavening and that she is going to stop drinking after her birthday in two weeks. She has rented a hotel in the town I'm in for her birthday and wants to spend it with me. I agree just because I have to know the truth and want to look at her phone to make sure I am not crazy. She had gaslit me to the point I was questioning what I saw with my own eyes. A couple of days later I decided to send Joe a message on Facebook to see if he would give me the truth. I get a text from her telling me not to bug her friend and that she is embarrassed. I apologize and tell her I am excited about her birthday soon.
The weekend of her birthday comes so I go to meet her at the hotel. She brought her sister and other friend along. It actually is a really fun time. The girls did coke the first night into the second evening. I don't really like it but I figured she can let loose especially if she is going to stop drinking after her birthday. I also knew by Saturday night that they would all crash hard so it would give me time to look at her phone so I could know the truth. As I mentioned the weekend was really fun so I felt bad about going into her phone yet again. I did it anyway and my whole world came crashing down. Now I figured that I would maybe see Brad or Joe texts and Facebook messages. Seemed like Brad was done but Joe and her were totally hooking up. I also found out that she had slept with 3 other guys. I also saw she was using coke all the time now. She did it maybe three times a year when we dated but now it was every weekend. It looked like she started using regularly right before I left for the farm. Joe helped get it for her too, out of all the guys he was the one she hung with the most. Turns out he was also a meth head who was trying to quit for her. She also went to his house the morning she left the other weekend to hook up and buy coke. I was floored. I just staired and took screen shots till the early morning. I decided I wasn't just going to dump her but I wanted to ruin her life not realizing she was already doing that all by herself but hindsight is 20 20. So I started coming up with a plan of what I was going to do. I woke up the next morning and acted like everything was fine and went back to the farm. I was still so upset and didn't want to harm myself or others so had a family friend take my firearms for a while. I don't think I would have used them on myself or others but I knew I wasn't thinking clearly and didn't want them in my house while I was like that.
I didn't have to see her till I moved back because the next set I had off I had tickets for a concert in the city I used to live in. During that time all I thought about was how I was going to do something to ruin her life. I came up with some small things but my main plan was to pretend like we were fine and ghost her when my contract was up with my boss next winter. I had promised him another year after kali and I had gotten back together. Just typing it out makes me look back and cringe that I was so crazy. When I went to the city for the concert I told my best friend, my brother and a few others my plan. No one liked it and thought I should just go no contact, cut her straight out of my life. That probably was the smart thing to do but emotion was clouding my judgement. Also you all would get this story. They even informed me that because I would be lying to her, that I would be compromising my morals and turning into a worse person they didn't recognize. I either didn't see it that way or care. I have a hard time recalling what my brain was thinking during that time. All seems like a haze now that it's been a year. I think I was really upset that my dream and all I had worked for was ruined. A friend later said I may have been in love with the dream and not her. Maybe that's the reason I kept up all this insanity.
My time on the farm had come to an end and I was moving back to the town me and my ex lived in. I was set with my plan, excited to implement it and have what I considered just. But you know what they say of the best laid plans. My ex wanted to go to hang at her brothers as a welcome home party. I went but ended up drinking. Heavily drinking, to the point of black out. I don't remember much from that night but have had it recounted for me. I woke up in the drunk tank. Guess I couldn't lie and play it cool then huh? The story I was told later is, while at her brothers I had gotten drunk and loud. Kept waking up the new baby and we were asked to leave. So we caught a cab and I confronted her in the cab but all I could do was call her a lying, cheating, whore on repeat. She got upset and ran into the house locking me out. I had a bunch of my stuff in her house so I went to the door and demanded she let me in. All the while still only referring to her as the aforementioned 3 words. She told me to leave but my jacket and wallet were inside. It was below freezing at night still and probably wouldn't have made it home in the state I was in. I then kicked in her door to keep calling her LCW and grab my stuff. She was on the phone to the police, so I was taken away by them. One of the lowest points in my life. It still brings me so much shame to this day but it is what happened and I am not going to sugar coat it. I never laid a finger on her and I am so happy that I hadn't. Laying hands on women in that way is one of the scummiest things a man can do. I had to go back to her house once they let me out because my stuff was still there. I apologized to her mom who had been at her boyfriends that evening promising to repair the door for her. Kali begged me to talk to her and like an idiot I didn't just leave. I told her I saw everything and she only admitted to Brad and Joe. Lying about them and the others the whole time. Even when I brought up the screen shots she still couldn't come clean. I left just shaking my head. There is still a ton to this story but this is long enough. I could do a part 2 if there is interest. Catching you folks up to where I am now and the messed up things that happened in between.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwawayhidden123
Me [27F] with my boyfriend [29M] of two years. He took nude pictures of me with a hidden camera in our bathroom.
TRIGGER WARNING: invasion of privacy, mentions of addiction, abusive behavior and stalking
Original Post Oct 20, 2014
I’ve [27F] been with my boyfriend [29M] for just over two years, and up until a couple of weeks ago, I thought everything was going great. We’ve been living together for over a year. We had disagreements about minor things like every couple (me being indecisive about what restaurant to go to, him leaving his dirty clothes outside the hamper, stuff like that) , but for the most part we always got along really well. We share multiple hobbies, and have pretty much spent every day we had off together for the last two years.
A few weeks ago, I was home while he was at work. I needed to work on a project for work that would be much easier to complete on his desktop computer rather than my little cramped laptop, so I texted him and asked if it would be ok for me to use his desktop. He said sure, and texted me the password.
About 30 minutes later I got a little bored and decided to check my facebook. When the site came up, the email and password were already filled out, with an email address I had never seen before. I knew about other email addresses my boyfriend had but had never seen this one. I’m not proud to admit it, but something about the email address that I had never seen after two years together gave me a funny feeling and I snooped.
As soon as I opened it, I realized why he had kept this email account under wraps. The inbox was full of messages from a website for specifically for people looking to have affairs. I opened one up and it allowed me to view his account information. This mysterious inbox was also filled with porn, mostly still images. Now, I like porn. I watch it myself, he knows that, and knows I have no problem with it. But this was something different. There were some pictures of porn stars, but mostly pictures of girls in swimsuits, people we know that looked like they’d been taken from facebook, including some of my really close friends. There were pictures of girls he had taken on the bus surreptitiously looking down their shirts. There were naked pictures of me that I didn’t know he had taken, pictures of me in the shower and in our bedroom. Finally, there were pictures of a female friend of his that had visited for a few days that clearly had been taken in our bathroom – the shower curtain and other items in the picture were recognizable. It was apparent that the pictures had been taken without her knowledge.
At this point I felt completely sick and betrayed. When I confronted him that night he told me it was some kind of addictive problem and he’s been saving pictures of women for years. I confronted him about everything I had seen, especially the account on the cheating site, the naked pictures of his friend that had been taken in our bathroom, and the naked pictures of me that I hadn’t consented to him taking. As it turns out, he admitted that he had a hidden camera in our bathroom for weeks. It was disguised as a flash drive, and he had left it on the counter pointed at the shower and toilet. Apparently it was motion sensitive and would take pictures whenever someone moved in front of it. He said he didn’t have any other pictures from it other than what I had seen, and just compulsively saves pictures he takes by sending them to this email address that I had found, and never looks at them again.
What is this? Is it a fetish? Is it curable? He said he would get help and start going to SLAA meetings but he only went to three and hasn’t been back. I feel violated and sick thinking about this, and welcome any advice or input from anyone who has been in a similar situation.
EDIT: To those saying I should report him to the police - He deleted all of the pictures and the email address the first night that I confronted him about it, and I destroyed the camera (rage overcomes logic sometimes). I'm not planning to file any report to the police and even if I did there would be no evidence. However, I appreciate your comments and for reinforcing how serious this is.
tl;dr: My boyfriend took pictures of me with a hidden camera. Has this happened to anyone else? How, or should, I move forward with our relationship?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
SlimShanny

Why would you want to stay? You can't trust him. Did you delete the photos of you? Was he cheating the entire relationship? Not that it would have any impact on you staying or leaving. I'd leave regardless. Just curious if he's been doing this the entire time.

OOP

I'm having a hard time writing this in a way that doesn't make me sound pathetic and weak, because logically I completely agree with you. It's hard to me to reconcile the person that I thought I knew for two years and have shared many good times and made lots of memories with, with the person that would do something like this, even though obviously they are one and the same. To answer your other question, he has had the email address and has been saving pictures for years, long before I met him. However, it appeared that all of the pictures up until about 6 months ago were from porn sites, and he only started saving pictures of people that he took more recently.

OOP on if she will ever get the whole truth

Thanks for your comment. As for "the whole truth," at first when I confronted him he told me that he had already gotten rid of the camera. However, once he described it to me, I remembered seeing it in a closet and went and got it - he hadn't gotten rid of it after all. He already showed that he's definitely capable of lying to try to protect himself.

How long since she found the camara
OOP

Two weeks.

spotH3D

Thanks for the response.
Given the horrible red flags, why not immediately dump him? That is what I'm curious about.
I don't know you any better than what you've posted, but you're better than this OP.

OOP

I know you're right. It's tough because we live together, so there's a whole life we have to tear apart from a logistical standpoint (even though it's already been torn apart in a different way). I expect that you will be appalled by this response, but the thought of coming home to this apartment without him here has been unbearably sad to me. I guess I'm not really grieving the loss of this guy, more like the loss of the relationship I thought we had before I found all this out, if that makes any sense. I need to stop making excuses and just get him out of here.

Update Nov 2014
Link to original post
First of all, thank you to everyone who replied to my original post. Some of you came down pretty hard on me but I needed to hear it. Some of you were incredibly kind and I needed that too.
I finally broke down and told my closest friend what had happened. I used my original post to help me do it, since I was having a tough time explaining it aloud. She read the story, and said many of the same things I was told in the comments on my original thread. Most of all, she supported me and validated my feelings that this was a really big deal and not something that could be swept under the rug and forgotten. It was a huge relief to tell her - you know that trite thing people say about a "huge weight lifted off your shoulders?" I know how that feels now.
Before I made my post I had already been talking with my then-BF about how I wasn't sure if our relationship could recover after what he had done, and I had told him that I wanted him to move out to give me space. After my post, and after finally opening up to my friend, I told him that he should plan on the move and breakup being permanent. Up until then I had been a little vague about "taking a break" and "seeing what happens down the road" but once I faced down my emotions about what he had done I realized that I was just trying to soften the blow and the best thing to do was to live in reality and just move forward.
As of two days ago, he is officially moved out. I told my family that the relationship was over, and my parents have been incredibly supportive and are even going to help me pay to keep living in my current apartment so I can take my time finding another place to live and not have to deal with moving right now.
Here's the part you guys probably won't be thrilled about. I'm not going to report him to the police. I did, however, reach out to his friend, the one who was an unknowing victim of this, via facebook (I know, I hate facebook as a means of communication too, but it's the only way I have to contact her). She has not replied to me, and I don't know if she will, but I gave her my contact info and asked her to call me so we could talk. I honestly can't say whether I hope she calls or not, because I absolutely dread having that conversation with her, but guys, if I'm able to get in touch, I will suck it up and tell her. I also told my ex-BF, before he left, that I thought he should tell her himself, but that I planned to, so he may have spoken to her already (though I sincerely doubt it).
I wish for my ex-BF to get well, and to continue attending meetings and get into the recovery process to the point that he is able to live a productive life. It's been a sad, painful path for me to realize the fact that that life will not include me as a part of it, but despite how hard this is in this moment, I believe the ends justify the means.
tl;dr: It's over, he's gone. /relationships, you helped me, and I'm grateful.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Lokismoke

I'm glad to see the update and that you rid yourself of him.
I'm very disappointed that you didn't file a police report. He will do it again, and by not reporting him, you're allowing someone else to get hurt the same way you were.

[deleted]

Crime victims are not morally obligated to press charges in order to prevent future victims. The only person responsible for his deplorable behavior is her ex boyfriend.

OOP

Thank you... People really latched on to the police involvement issue in this thread and while I think it's probably the right thing for other people in similar situations, it's absolutely not the right thing for me right now. I hope other people who have been in a situation like this read your comment too because I think it's spot on but it's easy to forget that.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I had a patient on my unit a month ago where I work as a charge nurse. High anxiety, borderline delusional, asking for clinically inappropriate interventions. She seems to have an obsession with hating me as we had some interaction (appropriate and professional) when I was charging while she was on the unit. Things like me telling her she couldn’t walk off the unit with her tele/IV pole to go o the ER to have a doctor look at her stubbed toe, which she was requesting an orthopedic surgeon for. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. She of course left a 3 page essay in her Press Ganey survey about how awful our unit is and I am and messaged the president of our hospital on his personal Facebook about it.
A month later and she isn’t letting it go. Now she somehow found my personal email and sent me a long email about how I’m a terrible nurse. Has anyone had an experience like this? What should I be expecting from my leadership about this? And how the heck would she have gotten my personal email?

My boyfriend and I have had our cat (Nemo male orange tabby) since he was 4 months old and he just turned 3 last month. For the first 2 years we had him we lived in 2 different apartments, this past August we moved in with my boyfriends parents (we lived here before Nemo) which is a much bigger area. All was fine up until probably 2/3 months ago… (some background info, we kee Nemo contained in our area (which is actually the size of our last apartment we lived in) just at night time for a few reasons.) he has started meowing incessantly starting meowing usually starting around 3-4 in the morning. It’s very frustrating as we both have to be up early for work in the mornings. We both love Nemo and will do anything to help him 🤍 I have also posted on a cat behavior Facebook page and tonight we will be trying the Feline diffuser as well as some calming treats which we tested out earlier the evening to test out before bedtime. Thank you to anyone that can offer any advice or even share a similar experience and how you got through it!

I started dating my boyfriend in June of 2023, so we're about to celebrate our first anniversary. For the first seven months, we had a long-distance relationship; I was living in the US, and he was in Mexico. We met in April 2023 through social media, having common friends. Everything was fantastic at the beginning. We would talk for hours, video chat, play games, and watch movies. It was so pleasant, and I felt completely at ease with him. We're both introverts, so we don't go out much or have many friends. I planned my first trip to meet him during his birthday in June, and it was amazing. I felt like he could be the one. He barely even checked his social media, no texts or calls from other people. It was a refreshing change from the challenges of a long-distance relationship.
However, when I visited him in December, I noticed something that shook me. We were discussing something interesting, and I needed to show him some facts on my phone, which ran out of battery. When I asked to use his phone, he seemed nervous and tilted the screen away from me. I noticed he was closing a bunch of Facebook tabs with other girls' profiles. This behavior was entirely new to me, and it reminded me of my past experiences where my exes did similar things to have other options or potential affairs.
I got upset and didn't want to talk anymore. He apologized and handed me his phone, asking me to check it to feel better. I felt awful unlocking it, as it brought back memories and feelings I never wanted to experience again. After thinking for a while, I realized he wasn't my ex, and it wasn't fair to judge him based on my past experiences. I apologized for my reaction, and we moved forward.
We started living together in late February, but I've noticed things that upset me. For example, he used to look at girls on Facebook, Instagram and nude girls on NSFW channels here on reddit during work. When I confronted him, he blamed it on the algorithm and stopped using those platforms for a while. However, just three days ago I discovered that he uses other social media platforms where I don't follow him to look at explicit content. He follows NSFW channels and uses platforms that allow complete nudity, which is a major concern for me.
Today, he came home from work and casually mentioned how he follows adult actress podcasts and listens to their explicit stories. I'm deeply upset and feel like he may have an addiction to pornography or nudity. I don't know if he constantly thinks about these things or if he lacks empathy and understanding of how his actions affect me. I've had vulnerable conversations with him about the abuse I endured in past relationships and how his actions make me feel uneasy, but I don't feel like he truly understands or empathizes with me. I feel like he views me as toxic when I express my concerns.
We never fight, and we get along extremely well, but I can't stand his perverseness. It makes me feel like I'm not enough, even though we have a fulfilling intimate life. I'm starting to question if he's the right person to be the father of my children, especially with this concerning behavior that hints at addiction. I don't know how to approach him about this or if he'll even understand my perspective.
I don't know how to approach a talk with hime without sounding crazy or toxic. I just despise this behaviour and it's enough to make me doubt if I wanna be with him forever, because when he said he would change, he went as far as starting to use other social media behind my back knowing everything I've told him and how it makes me feel. I just feel betrayed and that I am not worth it. I am intimate with him every night and to know he needs more of this type of information visually or audiobly it just really turns me off and makes me feel useless.
TLDR; my boyfriend has an addiction to porn and soft porn NSFW content. I have talked many times of how this makes me feel yet he fimds ways to tell me it will get better only to decieve me. When confronted he blames algorithms and shrugs it off as me being toxic.