Closing prayer in school

Guys I need help. I’m currently really depressed and I just don’t know what to do. So some background, I met this girl at youth group back at the beginning of March. We hit it off and started texting for hours every day. Then she went to my birthday party, which was significant because she gave me a huge hug at the end. This was our first physical contact. She would also playfully grab my shoulder when she laughed. Then immediately after, silence. For two weeks we didn’t text barely at all. Usually she was great about being the one to reach out but we barely talked that whole time. Then, suddenly we were talking again! I would go see her at her work and at youth group. Now, keep in mind, her parents are extremely strict. She’s homeschooled and can’t text during certain times, and her mom says we can’t hang out outside of supervision. We are both high school seniors. Because of this, I can only see her once every two or so weeks during youth group for like 30 minutes. Now, last week, she continued with the physical contact. When I saw her it was a bit awkward as usual but during prayer she would always grab my hand and interlock our fingers which I know sounds normal, but she had never done this before. Each time prayer ended she would squeeze my hand. When we were about to leave she gave me a huge hug, and then… silence. Again. Now she’s not returning my texts, and I feel like every time we make a big move forward, she just stops all communication. Now, granted, she works almost every day each week and has a bunch of siblings, so it could be just general business. My question is this: if she was really interested in me, wouldn’t she make time to talk? Our hour long conversations have stopped completely. Also, is it a red flag that she stops talking every time I make a move? I don’t know, I’m a complete overthinker so this may be just me. I’m just so depressed right now! I feel pathetic.

tldr: I ran The Portal for some friends, and we all had a good time. I'd call it successful because we had three characters out of 16 survive, one for each person playing, but they didn't get through everything. Could I have motivated better problem solving and a thirst for more exploration?
Background: Last year I fell in love with DCC after reading about it here and elsewhere. I bought a couple bundles and I convinced my friends to let me run it for an impromptu in-person session about a month ago, (We're all in our 40s and in other games so finding time to play is always going to be tricky.) We were all hanging out with them visiting for the weekend, and the DCC rulebook caught my friends eye. Since I had wanted to judge it, I suggested we try it out on their final night in town, and printed out five 0-level four member character sheets from Purple Sorcerer. There were three players, so my plan was to control two(!) of the 0 level sheets as 8 NPCs.
Session 0: This was done right before the first session, so maybe it doesn't count. I did go over how this game wasn't 5e, being less heroic, more deadly, and that the funnel was a way to play the game during the character creation process,
Spoilers follow for The Portal Under the Stars
Session 1: I had them each have a character named Roberts, with "Oldman Roberts" being their weird uncle, telling them about the Empty Star, the portal, and the riches that presumably lied within. They stopped at the town's single pub, gathered the crew, and headed for the portal. Once there, they spent impatiently picked the lock with a "lucky" roll, frying a promising character and setting the tone.
Three more got killed by the spear throwers, including an NPC with 18 intelligence, my bad. Finally, the falconer of the group sent her hawk through, trigging the last spear with no damage. So far I felt okay about how things were going, as they were starting to think laterally. However, nobody picked up the spears or armor until I had some of my NPCs do it.
The large statue room proved to be equally as deadly. The most intrepid of the party were spared, as they were standing under the giant statue, investigating it, when the first PC decided to leave the room, getting instantly BBQed. Another party member sent in her dog, which got fried, but then she got killed after she collapsed in grief beside it. A couple characters dashed through while the statue burned the others, and one genius player did think to pry off the entrance door and use it as a shield, but still four characters and the dog lied burned on the floor by the time the statue ran out of charges. I felt a little bad, since the death toll was already at eight with the judge's dice coming up badly for the PCs nearly every time. Now that I write this, it also seems that I gave the statue six charges instead of five. Oops.
The characters that had gone through the eastern door noped out of there when they saw the bone piles, and we ended up with three PCs following an NPC through the north door. Here's where I made another mistake. Since it had been some time since I had sent the NPC north, I decided that he had picked a fight with the crystal men and been killed. The PCs came in to see the crystal men all standing around the dead NPC and his torch. They took the wrong lesson that a fight was inevitable and immediately attacked. Amazingly, one PC felled two crystal men on his own, but the other two were brought down. With four crystal men still closing in on the last PC in the room we called it a night.
Session 2: About a month later we were able to meet virtually to finish things off, with me gifting the four remaining surviving NPCs to the players. Since I realized that I hadn't emphasized the importance of using luck, I retconned the last room, allowing one PC with a high luck score another chance to trip one of the crystal men with his staff. He succeeded this time with a modest luck burn. The players had figured out the light attraction by then, but refused to metagame, and the selfish PC who figured things out, Stealin' Roberts, refused to tell the others. I suppose this was consistent with his chaotic alignment, so one crystal man did follow them into the Strategy room, falling down the stairs. Three of the PCs finished off the stalker, found the silver figurine treasure, and things were finally looking up for the treasure hunters.
At last, they had made their way into the clay army room. The trailblazing PC wisely turned tail upon seeing the advancing army, going back to smash all of the clay figurines in the strategy room. Not bad thinking, but nope, the warlord wasn't dumb enough to set up a weakness like that. This showed the party how slow the clay soldiers were, as he had plenty of time to do it, but two of them still decided to test the statues' metal. They were quickly skewered by the surprisingly sharp clay spears. The remaining PC in the room ran away and hid in the Gazing Pool room for a few rounds, cowering in terror behind a column.
Meanwhile, one PC made his way through the hallway west of the Monument Hall, cautiously opening the door to the Scrying chamber. SSisssuraaaggg didn't care how cautious he was, the PC lost initiative, and died in one bite. So much for that room.
Three other PCs made their way into the Cheiftains' Burial room, and made short work of the seven skulls with only five points of luck burned. Still, one skull did manage to kill a PC in a single calf chomp. The PC in the Gazing Pool room grew tired of hiding in the dark and groped his way to the burial chamber, so unfortunately nobody witnessed the army fall into chaos after the generals' skulls were smashed. The three reunited survivors looted the chamber and hightailed it out of the tomb, happy to survive.
I couldn't argue with their decision to survive, and I plan to award a luck point to the neutral alignment PC who suggested leaving, but it was certainly anticlimactic! I feel like the scenario is flawed in this aspect. Could I or should I have motivated the players to stay for a little longer? They never really tried to figure out why the place existed in the first place. Leaving was very consistent with the old-school mentality, but maybe not so consistent with the funnel spirit. This scenario was harder than I thought, I even skipped "attacks of opportunity" on retreating PCs to lower the difficulty a bit.
Lesson learned - my snap decision of having 8 NPCs caused problems. The players kept trying to force the NPCs ahead, etc, and it was too much for me to judge my first session while controlling 8 NPCs. Although the players did end up needing the extra spear fodder and that worked out, I should have instead just adjusted the difficulty of the scenario down a little by reducing the number of spear throwers, the number of flame thrower charges, etc.

My bf is 29M , I’m a 27F. He’s always talking about the future, getting engaged, etc but doesn’t want to disclose important details. Before discussing marriage or kids I need to talk about finances, school, careers, living styles, etc. Finances are a big deal to me as we are trying to expand our current living situation. I don’t want to combine any accounts until we’re married and even then it’ll probably just be a shared bills account together. However we’ve been together for about 3 years and the first time we actually sat down to discuss his finances, he became upset. I felt as if i was interrogating him bc he wasn’t disclosing anything then says it’s uncomfortable to do so. He also is taking a “break” from getting his bachelor’s because he’s busy with work. I say break like that because he didn’t tell me about that until i had to ask him. I asked him in January and he had taken December off. He said he’d start back in Feb, didn’t. Said he’d start back in March, didn’t. Now he’s saying once work lightens up he will go back. Within the last month I saw an email that something from his previous apartment went to collections, I also saw a text that he just filed his 2021 tax returns. I’ve asked him about these things and he doesn’t confirm what I saw at all. As of lately, he’s been getting a lot of “scam likely” calls but it’s from the bank that closed one of his credit cards. Which he didn’t tell me until earlier this year. I make over six figures whereas he makes around 70k. He doesn’t have major bills as his car is paid off, his rent is $1000, WFH so no major gas expense, he has a credit card bill but doesn’t tell me the amount, car insurance and phone bill are the only other bills he’s disclosed. I’ve been transparent about my finances and debt with real numbers. He won’t share his credit score. TODAY I found out he is about $2k past due on car bills. He’s behind on speeding tickets, property taxes, registration is expired along with the inspection. I’m trying to literally build our own home and I have so much stress and frustration just to find out he lied. Maybe he’s embarrassed or uncomfortable but i asked for full disclosure in the beginning.
How do i move forward? Do i move forward?

Guys I need help. I’m currently really depressed and I just don’t know what to do. So some background, I met this girl at youth group back at the beginning of March. We hit it off and started texting for hours every day. Then she went to my birthday party, which was significant because she gave me a huge hug at the end. This was our first physical contact. She would also playfully grab my shoulder when she laughed. Then immediately after, silence. For two weeks we didn’t text barely at all. Usually she was great about being the one to reach out but we barely talked that whole time. Then, suddenly we were talking again! I would go see her at her work and at youth group. Now, keep in mind, her parents are extremely strict. She’s homeschooled and can’t text during certain times, and her mom says we can’t hang out outside of supervision. We are both high school seniors. Because of this, I can only see her once every two or so weeks during youth group for like 30 minutes. Now, last week, she continued with the physical contact. When I saw her it was a bit awkward as usual but during prayer she would always grab my hand and interlock our fingers which I know sounds normal, but she had never done this before. Each time prayer ended she would squeeze my hand. When we were about to leave she gave me a huge hug, and then… silence. Again. Now she’s not returning my texts, and I feel like every time we make a big move forward, she just stops all communication. Now, granted, she works almost every day each week and has a bunch of siblings, so it could be just general business. My question is this: if she was really interested in me, wouldn’t she make time to talk? Our hour long conversations have stopped completely. Also, is it a red flag that she stops talking every time I make a move? I don’t know, I’m a complete overthinker so this may be just me. I’m just so depressed right now! Ugh. Anyway thanks for hearing me out. Love you all.

If you're thinking about making the jump to spend a week (or three) in Italy to give a "turbo boost" to your language schools, maybe there's something you can take of this report to help you make the decision (or maybe help you with planning and preparing expectations).
Background: I live in an English-speaking country and I've been studying Italian for 3 or 4 years through reading, podcasts, and a weekly zoom call with a personal tutor. I was due some annual leave, and I decided to treat myself to two weeks in Italy at a language school.
Choice of City: I chose Verona because I had briefly visited before and it seemed lovely -- and I can now fully confirm that it is lovely. Choosing a smaller city definitely ended up being the right move. The transport and accommodation was much easier compared to my earlier tourist trips to Rome for example. I would definitely recommend a smaller city rather than Milan or Rome.
Choice of Season: I decided on April/May because June-August is hot, crowded, and expensive. SeptembeOctober would also work well, I think. The school said that the second half of the year was much busier for them.
Choice of School: There are four Italian language schools in Verona, although two of them collaborate closely so in practice there are really only three. All of them offer similar products at similar pricing. The group classes are in the morning, for roughly 4 hours (minus a 20 minute coffee break in the middle). Our school had the first two hours of "Grammar", and the second two hours of "Conversation". The afternoon is used for private classes for those really looking to make extra progress. Personally, I found that the 3.5 hours in the morning was plenty sufficient for one day.
The school I chose was InClasse. All of the schools have superb ratings on Google. I settled on InClasse mostly because it seemed to be the most "professional" of the schools, in that it had less focus on entertainment, and more focus on the "learning" part. Although, I have to say that I had a ton of fun in the classes. It wasn't at all "strict" or "dull" at all, I promise! Was this school the best? I don't know. But I can confirm that it was very, very, very good!
Class Levels & Sizes: All levels were catered for, from A0/A1 through to C2. Although, I don't think there were any C2 students during my time there, the B2/C1 class was the most senior class I think. Class size was a hard-cap at 8 students. I believe the beginner class was 6-8 students. My B2 class size was between 3-5 depending on comings and goings, which was a perfect class size for me. 3 or 4 students mean you get a bit of a chance to listen, and to prepare what you're planning to say.
The School Overall: The mood in the school was fantastic. There was an excited buzz every morning as the students turned up, all of us with a common purpose. Students from so many different countries. I had to work hard to try not to make too many friends, because I knew I had to leave and say goodbye (that being the most painful part of the visit). Of course I was a bit nervous on the first day, but by the second morning I felt right at home. And the teaching was great -- they did a great job of adjusting to match each student's capabilities even within the same class. They prompted just the right amount, corrected just the right amount. Spot on. The school can also help you sit your exams, if you want to get accredited officially.
OK. So yeah, the school part turned out absolutely as well as I could have imagined.
So what about logistics?
Accommodation: We found a very reasonably priced AirBnB just around the corner from the school, which was also 2 minutes walk from the arena, and from the restaurants, cafes, and the tourist visit stuff. All of the schools in Verona were on the edge of the "old town". I definitely recommend finding accommodation that is walking distance from the school. The bus network in Verona is excellent, but you really don't want to have to deal with that on your first few days... plus it's very crowded in the morning! Taxi/Uber is not a cheap option. So, yeah, picking the right apartment is going to be key.
Actually, InClasse offers a service where they can arrange Accommodation for you as part of your booking! They have a deal with some apartments. I didn't take them up on that, I just booked a place directly. But if it's your first time in Italy and you're not super-confident, then that's definitely a good option. One less thing to worry about! If you're going to do that, then you definitely want to book sooner rather than later, since they have limited apartments available. You'll also want to confirm your classes a few weeks in advance too, and pay your deposit -- since they really do enforce the maximum class size!
Transport: Verona transport is great. There's a smallish local airport. To get from the airport to town you'll take the 199 bus to the central train/bus station. That's €6 or so, you can pay onboard with tap-and-go. Then it's 1km to the big Roman wall that marks the start of the old town. You can walk that, or take a bus if you're very tired. Again, you can tap-and-go for €2 onboard, although if you're taking lots of buses, it's cheaper to buy a 10-pack of urban tickets. Using the bus phone app is problematic, it seems you need a +39 Italy country code mobile in order to register for the phone app. So, yeah, just credit card or go buy paper tickets.
Stuff to Do: Verona is an incredible tourist town. There's enough to keep you busy for two weeks easily. If you're staying longer, then you can take the train out to Mantova, or plenty of other little places nearby.
Final Recommendation: Hell yeah. Do it. I'm already thinking about my next trip.
TL; DR

• Italy Language School: YES, DO IT
• Verona: YES, GO THERE
• InClasse: ALSO YES

Career Jobs Work
I turned 30 late last year and found myself in an extremely toxic job. I realized I was burnt out and struggled with anxiety/depression after i got fired a few months ago. Prior to this, I was planning on going to business school but now decided to decline admission into a top 20 school to take at least a year off and then come back to the US for Fall 2025 for b-school.
I come from a WestAfrican country and plan to put my things in storage with close friends and leave the US to reconnect with family who i have not seen in person in more than 10 years. My heart says it is the right thing but the anxiety of lost earnings plus relatives back home seem to think i won't survive well for year in new socio-economic conditions bothers me with the uncertainty that i may not make it back into the US. I am 30, no debt with more than 400K in invested assets. 6.5 years in FANG companies both as a software engineer and product manager.
Any thoughts on this? Will taking such a break affect my career negatively?
edit: reposted to fix heading

To start, I had a few posts centering around two of my closest friends, whom are dating as of currently. You don't need to read those for context, but I'll give you the rundown of what's happened recently.
Both of my friends don't seem to be aware that their recent actions have hurt me, I anonymously confessed in a discord server one of them was in, and she responded with "If I am that person, please let me know".
If she feels like it may apply to her, doesn't that say something? There's only two people she's close to that have offered to drive her around/go pick her up/drop her off for hang outs, I am one of them, and the other is currently living with their psychopathic mother who hardly lets them do anything (That is a story for another day, but essentially, nobody has seen them outside of school in months, their mother is actively isolating them from all of us (their parents are divorced)).
I begged in the anonymous confession that I was tired and exhausted of people making plans and just expecting me to be okay with driving. I said that I understand it's more convenient for the adults, but by God I was tired.
My friend, the one I'm hurting over, lives roughly half an hour from where I do, so it's an hour roundabout trip if we're going back to my town.
Her partner, who I have no issue with, is constantly being dragged into our plans since she lives in the same town I do. I often go back to the town I live in with my friend since there's a lot to do there.
I want to spend time with my friend, but she's always eager to try and rope her partner into it (they don't see each other regularly anymore and neither have their license). They also can't outwardly date since both of their parents do not approve.
When I spend time with their partner, at least they have the decency to not request I drive an hour to go fetch their partner for them. Hell, it isn't even about how long it takes, I feel like I'm being used regardless of how long it takes.
They joke I'm their wingman, but it seems that's taking over their mindsets - at least for my friend, not their partner.
I am their friend - not their uber driver - and I wish that was first and foremost.
Am I just jealous of their relationship or what? I'm aromantic and fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum, so I'm kind of lost here. My dad's starting to get worried that they may be using me, whether its intentional or not he doesn't know, and neither do I.

I came to the United States from El Salvador when I was 13 years old and I have been trying hard in school since then. I started half of my 7th grade in here until now that i am graduating high school and going to university in 2 months. But my case was closed last year and I want to find out if I have any opportunities to get a student visa or any type of visa so I can work since my permit expires in a few months and I cannot renew it since my case in immigration is closed. I am going to be a student and I am stressing because it has been hard finding scholarships. Please help me if you know anything it will help.

I'm super conflicted on what school to commit to. I'd really appreciate anyone's insight cuz I've been just been flipping back and forth between the schools.
My end goal is to go to medical school.
SCHOOL 1: Close but Big School
Pros: Close to home, better financially (can live at home + have better financial aid), higher "prestige" (my family cares abt this part more than me)
Cons: Intense grade deflation, hard courses, much larger courses (first year courses are in the high hundreds to thousands)
TLDR; my main worry is that the intense grade deflation will prevent me from being a competitive applicant for medical school. I know it's possible for a lot of people to make it though...
SCHOOL 2: BS/MD Program at further university
Pros: Basically guaranteed entry to medical school
Cons: Farther away from home; will cost me more money since I'll have to live on res for the next 6 years
TLDR; it seems like the better choice for my "career future."
My Main Concern: I'm generally very conflicted about School 2 because my grandma was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. If I go to a further university, I won't be able to visit her very often and I don't want to regret not spending time with her when I could've. I know my grandma wouldn't want me to prioritize her over my "future," but I feel like if I could still get into medical school going to School 1, I'd regret not staying closer to home to be with her for longer....but I don't know.
Any advice would be appreciated!!!

I might be in denial and need someone to tell me straight. I was planning on applying this cycle, but now I am having second thoughts. I stalk this page a lot, and compared to other apps, I think I'm below average. I have FAP, which would assist with 20 schools, I probably pay around $1,500 total or so since some secondaries are reduced or waived entirely. I have been doing well on my MCAT prep but haven't taken a new FL yet soo feelings are moot, BP HL I took a few days ago was a 506 so that's progress..right? I could use some honest feedback on my chances if I apply this cycle. I know i probably should but its just a hard pill to swallow.
Overview:
CC transfer->Graduated 2023; 23, URM, low SES GPA: 4.00 3/09 MCAT: 502 planning retake for mid-June, TX resident
Pharmacy tech: ~4,000hrs (This is basically useless for my app since it's not clinical, but I love my job; I get to save pts in long-term care money by making sure their prior authorizations are approved and their medications are covered)
Hospice volunteering: ~100hrs
Food Bank: ~120hrs
OChem 1&2 tutoring: ~60hrs
Research: ~350hrs resulting in 2 poster presentations
Shadowing: ~100 hrs (Gas, Ortho, &Neuro)
Extracurriculars: 2 Leadership positions: ~70hrs
Mentor to CC student: ~30 hrs
Hobbies: Fitness/ Gym (passionate about health), tennis, rock climbing
I would love to stay in TX. Close to family, and I love the community.
What would I prioritize besides my MCAT if I did not apply this cycle? I was thinking about getting a job as an EMT, it seems very rewarding and would help raise my clinical experience (while also still doing nonclinical volunteering)
Thank you!

My neighbour really wants to help me. She's a lovely lady, I'm always happy to chat to her, but we're not really friends. She told me several times when I was in active treatment to ask if I needed her help.
Now she's posted her number through my door. She wants to do stuff like take me grocery shopping, take my kids to school, have them over if I need a break...
I do appreciate it, really, it's good to know that there is someone like that nearby. But I'm a private and independent person. If I'm asking someone for help and I'm not either super close to them or paying for their services, I might actually be dying.
I have a sneaking suspicion this has a little something to do with my mum (who is somewhat dramatic) chatting to my neighbour whenever she's coming and going from my house.
I want to be normal, you know? Or as normal as possible.
I don't want my older neighbour to try and give me lifts everywhere like I'm seriously disabled or something - people don't do that with able bodied people in their early 30s! I don't need a lift to and from somewhere that's a 15-20 minute walk with safe pavements and crossings! My kid's school is less than 10 minutes away, of course I can take him there and pick him up!
I already feel kind of a freak for getting cancer so young, always being the youngest at chemo, feeling this gulf in life experience between me and my peers (the ones I know IRL) open up, the pity in people's eyes when it became common knowledge...

Hi! I’ve never really posted on here so I’m sorry if this isn’t done well.
Lately I’ve felt happier and more confident in myself than I have in months, probably close to half a year. I’ve also realized how amazing of a support system I have in my friends and family, that the people around me have full faith in me to do my best and mean well in everything I do. Most importantly that these are people who are happy to pick me up when I’m in the depths of it. My life has changed a lot in the last couple months, the first major positive changes I’ve made since I turned 18 and started my adult life (I’m f20 now).
Considering that I have an amazing support system and am ready to make major changes in my life, I’ve really been considering colleges out of state. How do I know I’m ready for that major of change? I’m getting my associates in psychology after this summer, want to go somewhere with a college town but not a party school, probably graduating with somewhere around a 3.4GPA from a great community college. Are there any schools y’all would recommend? I’m honestly just looking for any advice at all because I have no idea what I’m doing

Do you ever have childhood nightmares or dreams? As for me, at a very young age, I always got nightmares whenever we watched something scary or even just a mention of ghosts. Where I grew up in the Philippines, there was this fantasy show that we watched as kids. Thinking about it now, it's kind of creepy. Whether it was about fairies or friendly ghosts, I still got creeped out and had nightmares about it. There was this nightmare of mine that traumatized me as a kid. You don't really remember your dreams until you're eating breakfast and it suddenly hits you that you had a nightmare before waking up. It's about this island. Imagine the town/island where the Teletubbies are. That one, but imagine it with brown grass instead of green, complete darkness instead of the baby sun, and instead of open space, it's filled with creepy trees. All I remember is running towards that forest and something chasing me. I couldn't look back and kept running. I could feel the trees snitching on my location until I stumbled over a big root of a massive tree. There's a scratch on my knee and I can feel it sting. With my petite body and out-of-breath lungs, all I did was stare at my bleeding knees. I wasn't crying, but I know I was scared. *Dum...dum...dum.* I could hear it, not in my ears but in my heart. It seems like my heart is synchronizing to the vibration. I still don't know what's out there, but I know I should be running away from it. I saw a silhouette walking towards me slowly. It's big, but not giant big. I close my eyes and then suddenly I am awake, lying down straight like a person in a coffin.
I never talked to anyone about my nightmares. It's normal to have nightmares, but the people around me are saying that it's not normal for a kid to sleep straight like a dead body. I never really took it seriously. I kept having weird nightmares of running in a dark place again. I still don't know who's chasing me. When you are a kid, you have very vivid memories of what your childhood was like. Mine is filled with nightmares. I did still enjoy my childhood and yet still able to be a 'normal' kid. I had plenty of friends, played in the street, and did such fun things. I still feel like something is missing and I tend to mix up memories with dreams. When you are a kid, you have such wild imaginations that you think it is real, but once you turn into an adult, you think that it's impossible for that to happen in the real world. That is just one of the nightmares that stuck in my head and that something I still dream about.
I remember having this dream, or perhaps something happened? Until now, it still confuses me, but here's how it goes. I was playing with my cousins and some of our friends. It was in the middle of the night, maybe 8 or 9 PM? I know it was dark, with streetlights shining through the street. Living in the busiest city in the Philippines, you would still see a bunch of people outside. We were playing hide and seek. I was thankful that I was not 'it' this time. As the seeker counted to 10, we all spread around and found a place to hide. I decided to hide behind a motorized tricycle, as we simply call them tricycles (just Google what it looks like). One of my friends came with me, but I told her to go away as I didn’t want to get found. She ran off and found another place to hide. I was chuckling, and I could still hear people around me talking and laughing, but in my mind, I just didn’t want to get caught. I didn’t hide far away from where the seeker was; I could still hear him counting 'and… 10.' Suddenly, everything went quiet. I was quiet too, as I didn’t want him to find me first. I crouched back behind the motorized tricycle, and I could hear him walking far away from me. I sighed with relief. I heard that he found someone far away, as I heard one of my cousins scream in excitement because the seeker found her.
I chuckled.
I didn’t hear any footsteps, but I could see a shadow coming towards me as the tricycle was parked just below a lamppost. I slowly moved around to avoid being found, circling slowly and getting into the rhythm of the shadow. Now, there was a gap inside the motorcycle where I could see the other side. I slowly looked through the gap and, to my surprise, saw a figure looking at me. I got startled, but I didn’t scream. I stood up right away, and to my surprise, I was back there again, on that island. The tricycle that was in front of me became a tree. Not just a tree, but a tree with massive roots that made me stumble in my previous dream. I was confused. Even now, as I think of it, I know it’s not a dream, but it's getting weirder. My first thought was 'Where are my friends?' The figure I saw earlier was gone. I got out from behind that tree and searched around the forest for an exit. As I was running, I could hear mumbling sounds. I was a kid, and my brain was controlling this stuff, so I went and followed the sounds. One sound seemed familiar—it was my friend's voice—but it seemed like something was stuck in her mouth; it was echoing through the forest.
As the sounds became clearer, my eyes couldn’t believe what I saw. My friends and cousins were tied to the trees, their mouths covered with tape. In my mind, I had to get out of there because I was scared as hell, but at the same time, I wanted to help them. I ran to my cousin first, and as I was going near her, a figure appeared behind her tree. It had eight hands like a spider, but it was brown and shaped like a cockroach. It had a face like a human—technically an image of a human in a cockroach-spider-looking costume. His or her face had makeup that blended with what it was wearing, and it was smiling towards me; I could see its yellow teeth.
"We've looked everywhere for you," it said while slowly coming towards me.
I couldn’t speak or move. I was so scared. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.
"Now we can start the game," it said in the friendliest way possible. "I won't hurt you or your friends. I just want to play," it added.
Being raised to be nice to everyone, I nodded. I still wasn't speaking.
"Can I get a hug?" it requested.
I nodded again.
It hugged me, and I could feel all of its legs on my body. The thing I thought was its costume? It was actually connected to it. It was warm, and I just closed my eyes. I touched one of its legs, and it felt sticky. Suddenly, I woke up and saw my grandma's husband staring at me, telling me to wake up as it's time for school, and then he left. I saw my left palm was kind of sticky, sweat, I guess. That's all I can remember from that time. I went to school and lived the rest of the day as a "normal" kid, still thinking about that nightmare. Some of my dreams are not all nightmares; they are happy dreams too. But what's stuck with me is that every time I have a nightmare, it's basically a continuation of the other, but it only happens once I completely forget about it.
Later that same year, I dreamt about it again, but differently. I had already made friends with this creature. It seems that I completely accepted it, and I was not scared of it anymore, but I was not happy either. There was something about it that still seemed odd to me, but I was just not reacting to any of it. We would play tag, hide and seek, and other games. As I noticed the place getting darker and darker, I also noticed that a few of my friends who were in my dreams were getting fewer and fewer until it was just us. It still kept its attitude, lively and happy to play with me. I asked it, "Aren't you sad?" It just kept smiling for a good 5 seconds and slowly frowned, answering, "Why would I? You are all I need as a friend." Then it started jumping around like those mascots you see in kids' TV shows. I remained the same, not happy, not sad, but I went with its flow.
I also noticed that before I woke up, it hugged me, like saying goodbye and at the same time inviting me to see each other again. There was something about its hug too. I could feel the warmth of its eight legs covering my whole body and its breath around my neck. In my dreams, I kept touching at least one of its legs. It seemed that it became a habit, and I could feel it sticky. I woke up again in a straight laying-down position, and my hands were drying, but I could feel the wetness. Then my grandma's new husband was ready to take me to school again.
When I was 9, my mom decided that my siblings, my dad, and I would move to my mom’s side for 3 years before leaving the Philippines. It was my dad's side where I kept having nightmares. I don’t get those nightmares anymore. Sometimes I miss them, and sometimes I wonder if they miss me too. I stopped looking for them. I feel like they went away when I started going to church with my strictly Catholic grandmother. We had to wake up at 6 am to prepare for church, and every day for those 3 years, we had to pray at 7 pm for an hour. We knelt in front of the saints' statues, and my belief in God strengthened. I forgot about the nightmares. I lived like a normal child, had a great childhood, had a bunch of friends, and grew up to be a decent girl. My mom announced that we were all leaving for Canada, and I just remember being so excited about it.
I was 11 years old when I and my friends were playing outside my house. I know I was still a kid then, even if my grandma keeps telling me to stop playing as I am already a grown woman (culture things). Our neighbour's are like aunts and uncles to us; I play with their kids sometimes who're the same age as me. We are all close to each other, even the adults. They treat us as their own since my mom grew up with them as well. One of my neighbors, whom I called “Tito” (uncle in Tagalog), called me and asked me when we were leaving for the Philippines. I told him soon, and he told me how I looked like my mom. I told him how much I miss my mom and how I cannot wait to see her again. He gave me a hug, and then my world stopped. This hug looks familiar. I can feel his breathing around my neck and the warmth of his hug. His hands are playing on my back, slowly stroking it. I swallowed and told him that I had to go since my grandma was probably looking for me. He let go and smiled at me. I just felt tears running through my eyes, and everything came back.
I was SA when I was a kid. I was SA by my step grandfather at my dad’s side. I feel like throwing up, and I can feel everything crawling toward me. I remember the first time he did it. When my mom left, he started touching me. As a kid, I treated him as a monster and just created these scenarios in my head. Even my childhood friends saw it, but since we were kids at the time, what would they know? It was inside the motorized trycicle where he was touching all over, but he said that we were just playing hide and seek and that he found me. It was then that I was so ashamed to play with my friends, as I remember one of my cousins stopping coming over because he started touching her too. The place is my dark place. Now I remember everything. I was so mad and angry. I remember that I would wake up in those positions after he touched me and felt my whole body. And remember the sticky thing in my hands? Yeah, it was his semen that he wiped away before I got to sleep, which is why whenever I am about to wake up, he is almost always there.
Now that I am in my 20s, I have tried to move on, yet the trauma still lingers within me. That monster died a few years ago, and his last words to me were, “Do you still remember me?”. I never had a chance to confront him. I opened up about my experience to a couple of my friends and gave advice to those who have experienced it too. I help those friends of mine who are still experiencing it and assist them in getting out of that situation. My only regret is that I was too afraid. I used to blame myself, but not anymore. None of it is my fault; I was just a child. I was not strong enough to keep my peace, still thinking that it is all a dream for the sake of my peace of mind. I wanted to apologize to the kid in me for not protecting her during those times, but I will never let that happen again to anyone that I know of. I now live in Canada, working in an office and happily thinking that my monster’s body is burning in hell. Thank you for reading. Please always watch out for whoever is watching your kids, your younger siblings, as you never know even the very person you trust can do massive damage to your loved ones.
What happened to me is not a dream or a nightmare. It's reality.

Over this past year, I got pretty close to this girl. She has a boyfriend, and I respect/am friends with him too. Over the past three months, we started to hang out more outside of school. I feel close to her as a friend, but every time her boyfriend shows up, he acts/makes the situation uncomfortable. Like I said before, I have no feelings for her romantically. I just want to stay friends, as I don't have very many. There has been rumors going around about our relationship, and she brought it up the other day. We brushed it off, saying it was silly. I haven't heard from her since though. We usually snap every day, so it's kind of weird. I just don't know if I should say something to make it clear to her and her boyfriend that I just wanna be friends, or if I should just do nothing.
TDLR: my friend stop texting me and I think it’s because her boyfriend thinks I like her.

I dont like my brother. It’s as simple as that. Im 17 (f) and he’s 37 something (m). There’s some things I do like about him. He’s really open and accepting about lots of stuff. But mainly because he just has a nonchalant character and doesn’t care about anything. He’s been thru a lot of crap, and my mom used to be rrly bad to him when he was a kid. But he never resented her for it. In fact, those two love each other so much. I guess that’s where I can start, because I’m jealous of their relationship. I’m jealous of how easily he can forgive someone who treated him like crap, and I’m jealous that their relationship is ever so close. I’ve never had a steady relationship with my mother. It’s always difficult between us. And she didn’t do half the things to me that she did to him, and yet I still resent my mother for certain things. So I’m jealous of that.
The main thing though is I don’t know this guy. I didn’t grow up with him, he never visited. It was always my family and I visiting him every 5 years or so. So before he moved home 2 years ago I had probably seen him maybe 5 times my whole life and just for a short amount of time. So this man remains a stranger to me. I don’t know much about him because he doesn’t open up to me, and I can’t really say I care. I know enough of what my mom has told me. Plus, I don’t want to talk to him about myself because I don’t really have 1 on 1 conversations like that, but he knows me somewhat as well. So we usually talk about stupid stuff. I won’t lie he is funny and we have good conversations sometimes. But then we argue about stuff bc we don’t agree on the same things. I don’t have a problem with that, but it’s the fact that I just don’t know who this guy is.
I grew up with this kid in my neighborhood who I see as my true and only brother. Sure I have my biological brother but he will never match up to the kid I grew up with. And it bothers my mom and she gets mad that I see the actual person I grew up with as my brother. Btw, my brother moved out around the time I was born in a city where he spent loads of money on stupid crap and worried my mother all the time. Id be lying if I said I didn’t care that he was gone bc I did, I always wanted to get close to my biological brother, but now idc.
Lastly, this might really make me seem like a brat. But I’m a rrly hard studier in my school. Sometimes I’ll go to sleep around 2-3 and wake up early just to study. I get really good grades and I dont let myself go easily during the school year in order to maintain my good grades. So when it’s summer time. I need it to be summer. I’m blessed and incredibly grateful that I have the ability to go to other places in the country, so when I heard we were going to California this summer I was excited. But now. A week at Cali has been cut down to only 2 days. Why? Because we have to be present at my brother’s ceremony thing at a retreat. I’ll have you know he doesn’t want to even go to this retreat . And he’s only going because my mom is PAYING him to go. So imagine getting your vacation cut short to be present at a ceremony where he’s probably not even gonna be happy at. Like cmon. I feel bad sometimes but honestly what does my family expect. I can’t just open myself to a stranger, I just wish things were the way they were before he came.

This was back in high school but it hasnt been long since i graudated so its still a lretty recent wound, i love acting, so naturally i tried out for the drama club and their plays and musicals, every single time, the biggest roles almost always went to this girl, and i realized what was going on,, turns out she has some relations and they spoke to the director for her, what i wasn't expecting, is that i also had someone related to someone close to the director, and they saw i was trying out and getting backstage crew even though the director seemed to love the way i acted and portrayed different emotions, for try outs she read the script like it was a history report, boring, no emotion, i got up and i even gave the character a british accent because it felt right. Anyway they told me they could talk the director into giving me the role and i politely declined because i wanted to be in the spot light because of my talent and not because of who i knew, in the end she got the role and acted with the SAME mannerisms and accent i had at auditions, time passed and when she graudated she got a scholarship, and i got my teacher forgetting to mention my name and give me a certificate, im feeling stuck in life and dont know what to do for college, how can i be an actress like this!? I thought if i was honest and worked hard good things would come. I just don't know what to do anymore. Any advice???

So I've known my male friend since around high school. Things never really worked in high school but we both had huge crushes on each other but never reciprocated it correctly (from both of our own admissions). We get to college and we went to separate schools and became somewhat distant but were still close friends as we'd both come home a lot and we'd still hang out. Most of the time we just hung out as friends and enjoyed each others company, a few times we got intimate but never to the point of sex. His senior year of college he had a girlfriend and we got more distant out of respect for the relationship. They broke up shortly after he graduated. After their breakup we got intimate one more time but we had an intimate talk about progressing to sex and how it was a big step for both of us, so we decided to not go that far with things.
In present day, we were still friends but our communication became a lot more distant. I admit I had feelings for him in this year and still do now. I just really admire the person he is and I would love to be with him. We still maintained communication and always checked in on each other but never spent much time physically together due to time consuming careers, especially since my job requires me to travel a lot.
I am a lot more settled and stationary with my job now and we ended up hanging out at each others place about a week ago. Everything felt comfortable and like old times and eventually we ended up having sex, multiple times... It was really good and we had great chemistry. I stayed over at his house and we cuddled and ended up having sex again in the morning. But instantly after I went home I began to second guess everything and regret the sex.. We texted that same morning and he mentioned how he wanted me to come over again that night, but he ended up going ghost that night, so I feel like this really triggered me.... The sex just seemed to happen so fast too... like we were both turned on and I really enjoyed it but his energy just seemed much more different than the last time we were intimate. I guess it made me feel distrustful of him as well.
I used to be a lot more open with sexual things and did so more freely. After lots of experiences where I was used for sex and led on to believe things would be more but didn't, the act of sex now always fills me with regret, dread and anxiety and I always think of how I should've waited. I have kind of shut myself off to dating and sex in general for a bit over a year as I just couldn't deal with all of the ups and downs.
So in the morning i felt really horrible about the whole thing, and in my head I figured he just wants me as a hookup... Especially since prior to we said we both get attached to sex but it didn't seem like he was any different..
So I called him and told him that I think we should just be friends.. I basically told him that I didn't want to ruin our friendship by being just about hooking up with each other. He simply responded Okay and we hung up and haven't spoke since which is weird because we are generally close even prior to this..
Did I make the right call? Was this likely going to just result in a hookup situation? I feel like if it wasn't he would've said something, especially since I made sure to say the reason for this decision was because I hadn't had sex in so long and didnt want things to become just about sex with us... And guys will usually say that a guy will make it known if he wants to be with a girl. and there will be no confusion... I would love to be with him but I cant be that same girl I was pining over a guy that tells me "sweet nothings" just to keep me around which has happened pretty much every time before... I should also mention I have never been in a fully committed relationship... just talking stages and situationships so I dont know if Im going about this all wrong.
Tl;Dr: Childhood close friends and I hooked up with each other. I told him I just want to keep things platonic because Im not looking for a hookup. I am wondering if I made the wrong decision or self sabotaged...

Hey all- hopefully someone knows the answer. About 15 years ago I went to a school in Chicago, then transferred to the same school but a different branch in San Diego. I went for less than a semester. Since then, both schools have closed and merged in to 1 College in San Francisco. I contacted them for my transcript- they have no record of me.
I reached out to CUNY admissions and they told me I would need a “New York State Education Request.” I asked if it was something I could easily find on Google. They said yes. My question is…what are they talking about? I googled it and have no idea what I’m supposed to find. I asked at the time “Is that just a catch-all for any transcripts I might need?” And they said yes. If anyone can point me to the right place I’d appreciate it.

let me just preface this by saying if you take the time to read this all and respond, thank you so much. i really appreciate it. sorry its so long
Ok so, to start off I think ive always had a sort of idealistic view regarding love and romance. i always wanted to meet some guy that i get super close to and then we start dating just because he happens to be gay or bi, the way straight people are able to find their partners. that to me feels like the actual way to find someone. ive tried dating apps and things before, but ive never gone past pure hookups/one night stands because i just hate the idea of seeking out a relationship so badly. it always has just felt wrong to me and i didnt like trying to make genuine connections over apps. and i honestly dont feel that strong of a desire to be in a relationship generally.
but i started to think that if i didnt want to be single for my entire life id have to suck it up and settle. i still couldnt bring myself to actually try on the apps though, but i thought my problems might have been solved when i met my current best friend. ive never been as close to anyone before as i am to him right now. we just vibe perfectly. were the exact same in the places where it matters but different in all the places that make the relationship exciting. we can talk forever about anything, and best of all, he's actually bi (although only out to me).
earlier this semester he pretty much singlehandedly saved me from a pretty dark place. i transferred to our current school, and as such it was much harder to make friends. i had people i talked to but it was mostly just acquaintances/drinking buddies. i was really lacking a serious friend group and it was starting to get to me. but he started dragging me to literally everything he went to, and basically forcefully adopted me into his group lol. and i genuinely love this friend group, i feel like i finally found my people. but that's not all im talking about when i say he saved me from a dark place. we met while pledging for a frat together, although i ended up dropping. someone else we were pledging with ended up finding out i was gay and developed some bizarre homophobic obsession with me that followed into second semester. my friend ended up dealing with him for me and even got him kicked out of a club he joined that we both were already in.
since then, he's done a lot of other things purely to take care of me/solve my problems. ive never had a friend like that before. ive gotten the chance to stand up for him now once which makes me happy i could repay some of what hes done but id like to be able to do more. regardless i think its helped make us even closer.
he started sleeping at my place a lot. we started meeting up before any event and showing up together. i started developing feelings. i didnt want a relationship generally, but i really wanted one with him. it was different. but i knew i had to make a move soon or he would get snatched up by some girl. just speaking bluntly, he's super hot and there was a grace period here since he had recently gotten out of a long term relationship.
one night i left a party early because i was feeling sick and he called and asked if he could just leave too and come watch a movie with me or something. i ended up saying no because i was really feeling shitty (i have some health issues that were acting up) but when i woke up the next morning i had 7 missed drunk calls from him. after this, i thought i genuinely had a chance, so i wanted to try to build up the courage to tell him how i felt.
the night i was going to, though, he told me something first. he told me this girl he was really good friends with confessed her feelings for him. now i was almost sure this girl had feelings for him (and he was too), but i wasnt worried. he had told me before he wasnt interested in her. but now, he still wasnt sure but was willing to "see where it went."
this was really painful but i wanted to be a good friend, so i just acted like everything was normal. they started "seeing where it goes" and now its all but official. but heres the thing; we've gotten way closer too since then. the three of us (me, him, and his girl) started hanging out all the time. me and the girl are actually good friends now, and we're pretty similar (she's even commented on this), which makes the situation even weirder. originally, he was inviting me to lots of things the two of them were originally planning on doing together, although thats kinda stopped now.
a few weeks ago he told me he was planning on ending his relationship with her before summer started as he wasnt ready for one yet. and that he was happy he was willing to do that as he felt like that was good character development for him. but despite that there was no question whether or not he liked her anymore. he didnt originally but he does now. theyve also had two close to relationship ending issues already but they managed to resolve both of them. for one of them, they decided to make it official and then undid it in under 24 hours.
but he changed his mind, he decided he wants to continue it with her. honestly, theyre a cute couple. people want them to succeed and i probably would too if i were in someone elses shoes. but, now he literally lives at my apartment. he started staying over every single night, i genuinely dont know the last time he slept at his place. hes asked me to cuddle and stuff like that. the other night though, i feel like i fumbled pretty bad. he passed out on my couch so i went to get a blanket for him. that woke him up and he told me to join him. this is a small couch, if i were to join him (which im not sure if its even possible), we would have to be basically on top of each other, fully spooning. i got too nervous and just said something along the lines of i didnt know how i didnt think there was enough space. i really regret this. the literal day after she hard launched him (on her private instagram but still), and he commented with a 😗 emoji.
were officially moving in together in about a month, but i wont see him until then. hes made comments about how this next month is gonna suck because he doesnt know what hes gonna do without coming to my apartment twice a day (even though hes literally gonna be on vacation lol). the girl is gone for the summer so theyll be long distance for the next 3 months. he has really bad experiences with a long distance relationship before though.
i think my plan as of right now is, i need to try to move on but im probably gonna see him in about a week and ill ask him then how its going with her. or if i dont get a chance then ill ask him sometime after we move in together in a month. if he says theyre official/hes wanting to make it official, ill ask him if hes 100% sure thats what he really wants and remind him about the things hes said to me earlier. because honestly, as a friend, if this relationship with her is gonna end badly i think its the last thing he needs. both of the issues theyve had are related to things shes done thats kind of brought up trauma from past relationships of his (during the issue they had where they changed their status back to "exclusive unofficial situationship" i guess is what you would call it he ended up telling her she was worse than his ex), so i think another bad experience would be super bad for him. especially with her as she was a close friend before.
i know i have to move on though. its just really hard. i dont know if im going to be able to. i might try to go back on apps but it just feels like settling even more now. i think the kind of romance i want is just impossible for a gay guy though. im in college, supposed to be one of if not the most progressive colleges in the world, and despite at this point having a lot of friends and acquaintances hes the only lgbt guy i know here. i even had a homophobic bully lol. oh well

Hi!
I live on the US east coast but want to frequent trips to Toronto. I love that city and recently visited and plan to visit a few more times this year. I would love to meet someone and be able to spend time with them during my visits to go around and explore, visit some staples, and have fun! Hoping to find someone with similar interests but also have interests of their own that I can learn about and also support.
About me:
I'm a creative-type. I'm an artist who also does photography and design. I love to cook, enjoy films, I play music (piano); I also practice martial arts and like to keep active. I have a bigger build (tall with broad shoulders) but I'm a pretty gentle person. I'm genuine and I try to stay optimistic and am always supportive of those I care about. Respectful and down to earth, laid-back but passionate and ambitious: I have a lot of aspirations and personal projects and goals that I make time to accomplish, even if it's a small piece at a time, bit by bit. I also enjoy some geeky things like old-school anime, casual gaming, and comics. I've been more into visual novel indie games, I play games of all sorts but mostly on my Switch (Mario Kart, anyone?)
Who I'm looking for (or close to):
Between 25-36 years old. Single (Not looking to be in a poly relationship) Open, communicative, affectionate and kind. I do prefer someone who is regularly physically active and health-conscious -- so we can support each other's goals and be healthy together. If you're also into gaming or nerdy things (comics, anime, cons), a foodie, like movies, or a fellow creative, we'll get along great! Mostly, I'm hoping to find someone to spend time together with to work on our own cool stuff together, chat with about interests and our days, and checking out new things with each other, too.
Send me a message and tell me what sort of things you're into and what's the next thing you're looking forward to!
Let's chat!

Hey everyone, this is my first attempt at putting this story, or any story, to words. I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading!
When I entered the hotel where my wife was last seen, nothing seemed out of place at first. Children ran through the lobby, bellboys escorted new arrivals while pushing luggage trolleys, and a small line was gathered at the front desk. It seemed like any busy hotel would over summer vacation - full of life and warm, humid air from the continuously opening front doors. The hotel, named ‘The Oxman,’ was located near the southwestern national parks of the United States. School had ended and families now flocked here for reservations booked months in advance. There were also many young people in search of adventure in the desert.
My wife had been one such adventurer. We were part of a rock climbing club that planned a trip to the area to explore some popular climbs in the canyons. I had been unable to join due to work, so she joined in the group’s rental van while I stayed behind. I was going to join once the work week was over, otherwise she would have bunked with one of the single girls. Only she never met the group in the lobby the next morning and after the police came, the rest of the trip was called off.
That was three days ago. The police searched her room and found all of her belongings gone. The investigation has continued, but the hotel hasn’t provided any further information, and with a packed suitcase gone with her the police thought she had chosen to disappear. So I came here myself, knowing I wouldn’t find anything the police had missed, but not knowing what else to do.
It was strange to see the normalcy around me in the lobby. My life was shattered by events that happened here just this week, and yet everyone else continued with their own lives. But as I joined the line at the front desk, I started noticing small ways in which things weren’t right. At first I noticed that as I passed people, no one so much as glanced at me. I wasn’t expecting anyone to outright stare, but not a single person looked in my direction as I passed them. Then I noticed the way they all smiled, their faces strained in looks of delight. Even those just sitting alone in the plush lobby chairs grinned relentlessly. I started to make my way towards an elderly man just sitting there and smiling, to ask him anything that would get him to interact with me, when the concierge behind the desk called to me. I had already made it to the front of the line.
“Good morning, sir, and welcome to the Oxman. How can I help you?”
The young man smiled as did everyone else, but at least he looked at me. His eyes told a different story than the others’.
“Hi, I’d like a room just for the night.”
“Of course sir, just a single bed?” He started typing quickly on the computer in front of him.
“I’m surprised you have availability during such a busy time of year,” I said, “My friends stayed here recently and booked their rooms months in advance.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “We had a cancellation this morning! It’s your lucky day, sir.” He looked up from his computer. “Surely you didn’t come here not expecting to get a room?” He was right - the question made me look like the strange one. “I started to lose hope when I saw how busy the lobby was.” But as I turned to gesture towards the people around us, I suddenly realized they were all gone. It was a moment before the shock wore off and I gathered myself, in which time the concierge spoke again.
“Traffic ebbs and flows!” He proclaimed cheerily. “Once I see your license and put a card on file, I’ll be happy to take you to your room sir.”Goosebumps pricked my skin as uneasiness washed over me. Something was clearly off about this place. But I couldn’t turn back now. I didn’t know where else to look for her and felt the need to see this through. I passed him my information and received a traditional key on a ring.
“I see you didn’t bring any luggage. I trust you can escort yourself to your room, Mr. Flinton?”My eyes were back on the lobby as he spoke, searching for any sign of the life that was just here. “That’s fine. Thank you for your help.” I took my key and read the tag. Room 716. I made my way towards the elevator as the concierge called after me.
“Thank you for your business, Mr. Flinton! We hope you enjoy your stay at The Oxman!”I didn’t turn back as I pressed the elevator button. Hopefully my room wouldn’t be this unsettling. And hopefully, through some miracle, I would find a sign of my wife. As I turned and pressed the button for floor 7, the second highest floor, I looked into the lobby one more time while the doors closed. Now the concierge had vanished as well.

Hello, I am a frequent viewer of this subreddit and I am having an issue that I am second guessing. So I've known my male friend since around high school. Things never really worked in high school but we both had huge crushes on each other but never reciprocated it correctly (from both of our own admissions). We get to college and we went to separate schools and became somewhat distant but were still close friends as we'd both come home a lot and we'd still hang out. Most of the time we just hung out as friends and enjoyed each others company, a few times we got intimate but never to the point of sex. His senior year of college he had a girlfriend and we got more distant out of respect for the relationship. They broke up shortly after he graduated. After their breakup we got intimate one more time but we had an intimate talk about progressing to sex and how it was a big step for both of us, so we decided to not go that far with things.
In present day, we were still friends but our communication became a lot more distant. I admit I had feelings for him in this year and still do now. I just really admire the person he is and I would love to be with him. We still maintained communication and always checked in on each other but never spent much time physically together due to time consuming careers, especially since my job requires me to travel a lot.
I am a lot more settled and stationary with my job now and we ended up hanging out at each others place about a week ago. Everything felt comfortable and like old times and eventually we ended up having sex, multiple times... It was really good and we had great chemistry. I stayed over at his house and we cuddled and ended up having sex again in the morning. But instantly after I went home I began to second guess everything and regret the sex.. We texted that same morning and he mentioned how he wanted me to come over again that night, but he ended up going ghost that night, so I feel like this really triggered me.... The sex just seemed to happen so fast too... like we were both turned on and I really enjoyed it but his energy just seemed much more different than the last time we were intimate. I guess it made me feel distrustful of him as well.
I used to be a lot more open with sexual things and did so more freely. After lots of experiences where I was used for sex and led on to believe things would be more but didn't, the act of sex now always fills me with regret, dread and anxiety and I always think of how I should've waited. I have kind of shut myself off to dating and sex in general for a bit over a year as I just couldn't deal with all of the ups and downs.
So in the morning i felt really horrible about the whole thing, and in my head I figured he just wants me as a hookup... Especially since prior to we said we both get attached to sex but it didn't seem like he was any different..
So I called him and told him that I think we should just be friends.. I basically told him that I didn't want to ruin our friendship by being just about hooking up with each other. He simply responded Okay and we hung up and haven't spoke since which is weird because we are generally close even prior to this..
Did I make the right call? Was this likely going to just result in a hookup situation? I feel like if it wasn't he would've said something, especially since I made sure to say the reason for this decision was because I hadn't had sex in so long and didnt want things to become just about sex with us... And guys will usually say that a guy will make it known if he wants to be with a girl. and there will be no confusion... I would love to be with him but I cant be that same girl I was pining over a guy that tells me "sweet nothings" just to keep me around which has happened pretty much every time before... I should also mention I have never been in a fully committed relationship... just talking stages and situationships so I dont know if Im going about this all wrong.
Tl;Dr: Childhood close friends and I hooked up with each other. I told him I just want to keep things platonic because Im not looking for a hookup. I am wondering if I made the wrong decision or self sabotaged...