Body ache, bad sore throat, no fever, upset stomach

Hello I'm in my mid twenties and I've recently started dating a girl and have had a lot of unprotected sex (stupid I know). Thing is I've had a flu for the past 2 weeks that just seems to keep coming back, just after we started having sex. I'm pretty fit so I'm surprised that it hasn't gone away. I've not had sex with someone in over a year and I read online that STI's can have flu symptoms but I have no rashes or bumps. I've booked a health clinic check up. What are the odds it's an STI? I hope I'm just being paranoid. It started as a flu with fever, aches, sore throat, cough that went away for nearly two days then it came back with a vengeance. I had a boiling fever, even worse aches and now my parotid glands are so swollen I can feel the fluid swishing around in my blocked ears.

My bi curiousity. Hiv risk?
Well. Here I am. My curiosity has brought on severe anxiety. HIV RISK?
So 8 days ago I met up with a man at a hotel. The agreement was that he would let me stroke his cock to completion and I could go wherever.
I was straddling his legs naked. Stroking him. I eventually started frotting, rubbing our cocks together in hopes we would both cum. He took his fingers and had put them onto my asshole, which has an open cut from a blood clot procedure (got a blood clot from constipation issues which caused a small blood clot that needed to be cut lightly to be drained, right on my asshole) his fingers were wet, not sure if it was saliva or lube.. he had been stroking himself before. I dont think it was cum or precum, I hadnt seen any. He did have “BB” as one of his interest on his Grindr, and he was not on prep, said he was clean.
A few days later i developed horrible pain throughout my body, especially spine and neck. 8th day I developed chills and was throwing up, as well as some stomach issues. No swollen lymph nodes that I can find. But currently cannot get out of bed due to the shaky chill feeling and body aches.
I am not trying to offend anyone, nor want to piss anyone off so please be polite 🙏🏻 If you want to roll your eyes and have only negative things to say all you have to do is scroll past. Thank you.

A few days ago I started practicing this, as stress and anxiety were affecting me a lot, both physically and mentally. I have been doing cardiac coherence breathing, and the first day I did it several times during the day, and I felt very good, I really managed to relax and I felt very good, the second day I felt good too, but the third day I started to feel bad, as if I had a fever. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I feel my head hot and when I exhale I feel an uncomfortable hot air, also my throat feels a little sore. Now, I tried to do the exercise again but I started to feel worse while breathing, and I better stop. Is it normal? why does this happen?
Sorry my English, btw

A few days ago I started practicing this, as stress and anxiety were affecting me a lot, both physically and mentally. I have been doing cardiac coherence breathing, and the first day I did it several times during the day, and I felt very good, I really managed to relax and I felt very good, the second day I felt good too, but the third day I started to feel bad, as if I had a fever. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I feel my head hot and when I exhale I feel an uncomfortable hot air, also my throat feels a little sore. Now, I tried to do the exercise again but I started to feel worse while breathing, and I better stop. Is it normal? why does this happen?

im gonna go into full explicit detail about everything that happened from a-z. and i want opinions
i met this guy at a social event and we clicked instantly (as friends because i had another bf at the time and hes gonna become relevant in the story). lets just call the guy at the event john and lets call my ex alex. me and alex broke up about 3 days after i met john and i started to develop feelings for john. me and alex ended up trying to “talk things out” even tho i was just attached and wanted the attachment to wear off. so we were “talking” but we werent exclusive and had no boundaries and i knew i was eventually going to cut alex off because i didnt see a future with him, i just was attached because we had memories and he was my first ever boyfriend
me and john liked each other, on october 7th we kissed. and about 4 days later i met up with alex and “hooked up” which i later found out he sexually assaulted me
i was avoiding john because the entire situation was hard on me and i was tired of having to choose because i was the first girl john ever liked and i felt bad about kissing him and i DIDNT want a relationship (at the time) slowly, john blocked me because he had enough and thats when i realized i didnt want alex anymore. i cut alex off for john. john asked me if i met up with alex after me and him kissed and i said no because my god forsaken self fucking forgot, as much as it sounds like an excuse, its not. i had no memory of seeing alex after me and john kissed. and so me and john started to become exclusive after we met up and talked things out. i told him i didnt see alex after me and john kissed.
we dated and we were so happy until we broke up for a few days because he wasnt ready for a relationship, we got back together and we were happy.
theres the part where i start to fuck up. and i wont deny a single thing i did
theres a guy named eric, or at least we will call him that. i used to “like” eric, not even like i just thought he was cute. nothing too deep. im friends with his girlfriend and she trusts me enough because she knows i feel nothing for him, but she trusts me to come to me whenever they have issues in the relationship because she KNOWS its nothing like that
theres another guy named timmy, timmy and eric go to the same school so theyre in the same class. timmy is spreading shit rumors about me and its no fucking rumor anyone could ignore. it was a rumor where i had a “sex tape”, have 3 bodies, and had sex with john even tho non of it is fucking true. it was getting so bad my friends were getting dms saying “your little friend had sex with her boyfriend and i have proof”. it was so fucking bad. not to mention, im a minor and i live in a small fucking country shit gets spread so fast here. and so i would go to eric as ask him about timmy because i was gonna take legal action against timmy because it was going so fucking far. and john didnt like that. because he knew i used to “like” eric. which i fucking didnt and i just thought the dude was good looking lol
and so i would only speak to eric to ask about timmy and i would let john know about. except this one god forsaken time where i didnt show a fucking continuation of a conversation and he got so mad he started threatening to break up with me
keep in mind, im an anxious attachment and im pretty sure john is avoidant even tho in the relationship he was surely an anxious so i dont know cause we havent spoken in a fucking month lmao
we both are borderline by the way.
so this is a part where i fuck up
the reason why i use the name eric is because eric is like someone who associates himself with eric cartmen from south park, he makes him his entire personality and its just a joke between him and everyone 😭 as immature as it sounds, i dressed up as eric cartmen for characters day in school and i showed eric the outfit because i thought it was funny and didnt think anything of it. i didnt show john but i didnt hide it from him either because i know john would go through my phone and i didnt see anything wrong with what i did, until he went through my phone and saw the chat, keep in mind, i do delete chats with my friends sometimes because i dont want john to see some things because of privacy, not out relationship, but between me and a specific few girls he doesnt like and doesnt want me to be friends with
and so he saw the message and got upset, and i took the hint that this guy just doesnt want me to interact w eric at all and i understood but i understood him way too fucking late and he broke up with me
which for some reason my dumbass was shocked even tho he made it clear that he didnt want me speaking to john so this is where i realized i fucked up
i took it as a lesson and learned to not do it again but i was too late
me and john break up and i wanted him back badly. an hour after the breakup i started posting on my story about a random guy that i made up and acted like i liked him to piss off john and make him jealous which was a bad fucking idea
to me, the more someone doesnt want me, the more i want them. thats how i thought it was
and he found out and got pissed off. he ended up texting alex and found out i met up with alex after me and john kissed. but no one was aware that i was actually sexually assaulted by alex and i found out later because my friend went through the same thing. me and john stayed talking to see if we could work it out and i fucked up by telling him to stop basing our relationship over something from the past that happened over 8 months ago. he got pissed and blocked me
i later found out he followed back the girl he told me not worry about and said he didnt know why he was attracted to her but at same time would say “i dont know if shes actually pretty or if im trying to move on” (as in move on from me) i got so fucking pissed, i texted the girl w my friend we and told her that john was using her and a rebound. john found out, threatened to ruin my life and was so fucking mad over it, but i later then realized he just thought she was pretty and didnt want her like that. i ended up apologizing to john because i wanted him back but it didnt work because he was standing on business lmfao
during this time, my friend told me he would always consider going back to me and missed me and loved me so much. and john did love me. a LOT. he bought me flowers, a ring, everything. like he did everything for me and he did love me so deeply
and now we havent spoken over a month and its slowly killing me because my friend who was close with him said he was dead set with his decision n doesnt wanna get back with me. i dont know if this will change because right now he has new priorities like studies since hes graduating soon. but right now, he seems dead set with his decision even tho his biggest fear was losing me. i saw the way he would talk about me and we were so deeply in love.
but john thinks i cheated on him with what happened with alex. my friend told him he sexually assaulted me but it was very vague and he doesnt know the details.
i was johns first love. first EVERYTHING. we broke up march 18 and last spoke april 19 where he thought i was shit talking him and i proved i wasnt. he later said he was worried about me but right now he doesnt seem to care.
please dont tell me to “let him go”. if u have any other opinions on what u think will happen and if he will come back please let know because i really want him back. my family friend who is a psychic told me he was coming back if this helps lol.
let me know if u guys think hes coming back. this is all fresh but yea.

My clinic only put me on 5 days 5mg latrozole. And ask me to do home pregnwncy test after 12th day. In my protocol there is no other medication no progestrone no estrogen like nothing. I fee froml 2d day of transfer like overies hurt. Then from 3d day super tight stomch and bloated. Then 4th & 5th o had severe constipation headache , little cramp, like bad stomch upset. I m day 9 & still feeling bloated but no overies pain but little sore breast. I m freaking out cant wait. Could it be positive as i am not taking any artifical progestrone or any other protocol? Any one same situation as me. I want tp be very hopefull and positivve.

Link to AO3
chapters 1&2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6
chapter 7
chapter 8
chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
The Academy looked normal enough from the distance but blew Gentry’s mind when she finally entered it. First of all, the way in lay through a massive winter garden full of the most luxurious botanical collection she’s ever seen. Not only that, but it seemed to be arranged in a way that offered spaces for hanging out as well as paths in and out. Here and there, G noticed little nooks with people’s voices coming from them and small murmuring streams gleamed in the sun that blazed through the transparent walls and roof. This place looked magical and invited to stay, enjoy the refreshing coolness and peace of mind. But Gentry had a good enough rest in her communal room the night before and was eager to start working on her first assignment that the System had spat out with a congratulating letter. Figuring out the controls of her new wristcomm was simple enough.
DEAR GENTRY!
WE ARE DELIGHTED TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE THE FIRST CONTESTANT TO CLEAR ALL CHALLENGES AND OBTAIN THE STATUS OF AN ASHTAPADAN NEWCOMER! YOUR MEDICAL DATA HAS BEEN ANALYSED AND FOUND ACCEPTABLE.
IN THE ATTACHMENT TO THIS LETTER YOU WILL FIND A LIST OF RULES, RECOMMENDATIONS AND IDEAS THAT WILL DEFINITELY HELP YOU IN THE FIRST WEEKS IN OUR BEAUTIFUL CITY BUT WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND FINDING A BUDDY THAT WOULD BE YOUR MAIN GUIDE AND POTENTIALLY A NEW GREAT FRIEND! IT CAN BE ANY CITIZEN OR A MORE EXPERIENCED NEWCOMER.
YOUR CURRENT POINTS: 0
WHY NOT START EARNING SOME WITH YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT?
START ANY BEGINNER COURSE AT THE ACADEMY AND KEEP YOUR ATTENDANCE RATE OVER 80% — WORTH 50 POINTS
(OPTIONAL) FIND SOMEBODY WHO IS WILLING TO BECOME YOUR BUDDY — WORTH 20 POINTS
Without stopping to check if the vending machines offered anything good, G made her way through the dreamy garden and entered the inner yard that looked just like everything here: nothing too eye-catching at first glance but secrets hidden everywhere.
One thing she had already noticed was that most of the people had another piece of technology on their bodies besides the comm on their wrists: a sort of extendable visor that some of them kept engaged at all times. Those who were focused on the screen had a comical look on their faces, a thousand-mile stare, eyes wide even as they were talking to each other or going about their business. It was unclear yet why they would engage the screen for so long though. No one needed this much time to read a notification or check a map.
Take a group of young students by the fountain, for example. They seemed deep in conversation with each other yet their pupils didn’t focus on the person in front, but on the translucent screen over the top part of their faces. Was it some kind of virtual reality helmet?
If so, G needed one, too.
Perhaps she’d be able to make new friends this way.
There was something else that caught Gentry’s eye. Despite her initial disappointment about the severe lack of male hotness in the streets, people of both sexes seemed to really care about their appearance. Even those who probably weren’t naturally stunning were very interesting to look at not least because of the crazy fashion sense everyone here had. Never before had G seen so much variety in what everyone wore: countless variations on different national garments, some looking very traditional, like something one could see in a theatre, some — futuristic uniforms straight out of a sci-fi movie. It didn’t seem like anyone was concerned with gender norms here, too. At least in when it came to the outfits.
G hoped she didn’t look like a creepy stalker when her gaze lingered on a pair of very nicely shaped legs stretching from underneath a plaid skirt that belonged to a young man in the group sat by the edge of the water. A pair of snow-white knee-highs, flat loafers and neat raven hair with some blue streaks completed the image. His clothes fit him very well and weren’t inappropriate in the least: something an old money university student would wear.
A female student that is.
And he wasn’t alone. Here and there, among more conventionally dressed people, there were people wearing all sorts of things: a crazy mix of goth-like apparel but barefoot, men and women with heads covered with scarves, people in strange jewelery that looked like it weighed a ton and so on. Most importantly, no one seemed to care what the others looked like.
Was it paradise? Looks like the demo didn’t lie: it was heaven on earth.
The young man in the middle of the student gaggle caught her staring after all. With a dazzling smile, he waved in her direction as if they were great friends, and G waved back, face heating, hoping there wasn’t anyone behind her this tease was actually waving at. Thank god his shoes weren’t heeled, otherwise she would definitely have a heart attack right here, in the middle of the common area, on her first day.
Did he notice her ogling his legs? Judging by the giggles of his friend's entourage, they all did. The young flirt covered his mouth, eyes wide in mock indignation and pulled his knees in, as if hiding them from the improper attention, getting even more laughter from the rest of the company. G averted her eyes and tried to calm her breathing as she was on her way through the yard again, but before they all disappeared from her field of view, she noticed the coquette stretch his legs again and fall back on a friend of his, embracing the lucky man’s neck in an affectionate gesture, already forgetting G existed.
There was no way she wasn’t going to make some pretty boy do the same for her. Forget the assignment, put that in the list of her top priorities!
At first, Gentry was lost when she failed to find any kind of class schedule and there was no one to ask at the reception desk.
Why have a reception desk if nobody’s on duty?
Soon, however, it occurred to her that there was no schedule: each room within the wide marble corridors had a small display with a handwritten message scribbled on it.
Bachata for beginners
Product engineering (Tuesday class cancelled)
Colloidal chemistry (revision today)
None of these were the Communications course that Jey was talking about, but the variety definitely made G’s eyebrows go up.
Was she just supposed to barge into any class and sign up? Did she have to sign up later if she liked the subject? Was it ok to choose any?
After some wandering around, too scared to just walk in uninvited or ask others for directions, she finally stumbled across the door saying:
Communication & decision making course (Newcomers welcome)
With the desks arranged in a horseshoe and the people of various ages that were also apparently Newcomers, it all seemed comfortably casual. Everyone was chatting as she walked in, paying G no mind so she busied herself with the wristcomm that dinged at exactly the right time to save her the embarrassment of looking for a desk.
Would you like to enroll in this course? Scroll down to read the description.
Was this damn thing a spying device? Did it just know which room she was in? Jey didn’t joke when she said the little thing was going to be her primary aid!
“Are you looking for somewhere to sit?” called a young red-haired woman at one of the paired desks. “Here, this one is free.” She had the auglasses on, like everyone else, but they were off, showing her lively face and a pair of sharp green eyes.
“Thanks,” G said, gratefully taking the offer. “I’m new here, don’t know how things work yet.”
“It’s alright, the course is very engaging, you’ll love it.” — the woman held out a hand — “I’m Sereen, what’s your name?”
G shook the warm palm. “It’s Gentry. And by new I mean I’m new to Ashtapada, not just the course. Literally arrived yesterday.”
“Really?” — S looked surprised — “Everything must be very confusing!”
“You have no idea,” G smiled. “I’m glad someone understands. Everyone’s friendly but acts as if giant mechanical dogs in the streets and a moss garden in the lobby are the most normal things ever.”
“Don’t worry, I was just like you when I first arrived, you’ll get the hang of it soon.”
“Hope so! Is that the lecturer?”
“Shhh...”
Just like everything else in Ashtapada, the lecture started out normal enough only to unfold into something completely alien to how things were normally done.
Apparently, the Communications course involved learning rationality, debating, logic, etiquette and god knew what else. It was supposed to give the future citizens tools to, well, communicate. G was given a booklet with some ground rules for beginners that included entries that sounded like something Sun Tzu would say if he studied debating instead of warcraft.
“The purpose of any argument is not to win it and not to change the other disputant’s mind. It’s to find the truth.”
“Always argue in good faith.”
“Don’t attack your opponent.”
“If attacked, dismiss the attack as if it didn’t happen.”
Well, hopefully, it only meant verbal attacks! G knew too well that when it came to physical violence, it was hard to ignore it.
Most of the rules looked straightforward enough, some were confusing.
“Seek challenge to your convictions. Avoid echo chambers.”
“Don’t seek being right.”
“Be mindful of your audience including yourself.”
“Avoid “Empty arguments” that don’t bring everyone closer to the goal of finding the truth.”
The lecturer, a willowy man of about sixty that drowned in his tweed jacket, started the class with a bit of small talk with the regulars after distributing the booklets to all first-timers. He made sure to give it to G face down so that his photo under the “About the author” title didn’t go unnoticed. He also made most of the “talk” part himself.
“I never took part in a debate,” G told Sereen, who was patiently waiting for the class to begin. “And never seen anything like these rules. Is it actually useful?”
“Oh, believe me, professor Poe will be ecstatic to talk to you about them. He can’t not start discussing his subject at the slightest provocation. Look.” — she raised her hand — “Professor, how was your weekend?”
The man wearily smiled. “That might seem like a meaningless question, Sereen, but it’s actually very much related to the topic we are going to cover today.”
“See?” — S raised her eyebrows with a suppressed smile. G giggled. This promised to be interesting.
“Our friend Sereen is a very polite person, isn’t she?” — Poe smiled at the class but his eyes glided over everyone’s faces, gaze turned inwards like he was reading an invisible text written on the walls. “But as kind as she is, I don’t think she’s actually interested in how my weekend went. Small talk is just a social custom we engage in to strengthen our social relations. Why don’t we just start a day by saying “Hi! I value our relationship and would like to fulfill my societal role!” to everyone we know? I would definitely prefer THAT over the small talk! He-he!”
The audience laughed politely. The guy seemed alright.
“However, just as we use different tools to fulfill this role in different contexts, so can the context of a logical problem steer our thinking towards a rational, that is, right, and an irrational, that is, wrong, answer.”
“Well, that’s not a given,” Gentry mumbled under her breath but it went unnoticed by S, who was already immersed in the lecture.
“Consider the famous René Descartes’s quote "Cogito, ergo sum". Who can translate it from Latin?” — the board behind the thin, almost transparent man glowed, displaying the words.
“Is it really a Beginner’s course?” G asked Sereen in a low voice but her companion was already raising her hand, together with a dozen other students.
“I think, therefore I am,” she said after a curt nod of the lecturer’s permission.
“Very good,” he continued, pleased. “I taught you well. Those of you who attend my lectures regularly are familiar with the notion of solipsism, which states that the only thing we can be sure about is our own thoughts.”
Gentry looked at S with raised eyebrows.
If this is an introductory course, what was the advanced like?
Sereen didn’t seem to perplexed. She was fully following the thread.
“However,” professor Poe said. “I am going to challenge that notion by demonstrating that we can’t trust our own mind when it comes to perceiving reality.”
He looked at the audience with a quizzical eye, and pointed at Gentry with a long bony finger “You, new girl. I want you to close your eyes.”
Why her?
Gentry was only happy to hide behind her eyelids. No doubt the whole room was now staring at her.
Through the blood rushing in her ears, she heard the old man’s voice, “Who was sitting beside you before you closed your eyes?”
“My new friend Sereen,” G answered and heard a little gasp of appreciation from the woman.
“So you know she existed as long as you two were whispering behind my back. However, now that you can’t see or hear her. How do you know she exists?”
“Well, I can reach with my hand and touch her,” Gentry said, demonstrating.
“Yes, this is what most people answer,” Poe said. “You can open your eyes now. But let me ask you this: how would you know it was her, an not some other person that took her place?”
Gentry’s intuition was right: everyone was staring, as if waiting for her answer.
“Well, I suppose— ”
“Hush, it was a rhetorical question,” the professor cut her off. “The correct answer is that you can’t know that. We think we can trust our senses or at least our thoughts, but this is also false. Everyone, look out of the window.”
Everyone did.
The day was as fine as Gentry was annoyed.
What did this pops think of himself?
“I’d ask what you see, but I already know the answer,” he went on. “All of you would say “the sky”. And all of you would be wrong, because sky doesn’t exist. We only see the endless emptiness of the outer space, but perceive it as a blue dome. It’s an illusion, a phantom, born out of our collective unconscious.”
Sereen whispered, lost in the lecture, “Ah, yes, Carl Jung.”
What?
Was it supposed to be obvious?
“But listen to this,” he continued, voice booming like a demiurge’s in the completely silent room. “Listen to this. How many words is it? Listentothis. Our common sense says it’s three words while in reality it’s just a string of sounds I an producing with my mouth. I am literally making you hallucinate the spaces between the words I’m saying. With knowing that our perception is so flawed, how can we know that we even know how to think?”
“I’m sorry, professor, I disagr...” G started but got struck down by his serrated gaze.
“I’ll invite questions at the end, young miss,” he chopped out.
Sereen’s eyes were sympathetic. It looked like most if not all of professor Poe’s students had learned not to interrupt him.
He went on, “Anyway, the fact that you even understand what I am saying is in itself incredible and shouldn’t be possible.”
“But it IS possible, right?” G whispered to Sereen. “I mean, aren’t we understanding this as he speaks?”
“PLEASE refrain from talking unless asked!” professor Poe roared.
Impressive lung capacity for such a frail human being!
G begrudgingly did as she was told. The guy seemed to be enjoying this power trip a bit too much to her taste.
“Now, since most of you,” he put some emphasis on the word to shut up another pair of whispering students. “Most of you think you comprehend my words, you must know that there is a way to tell that something is real, even though we can’t rely on our senses for perception. I’m giving you a minute to discuss with your partners what it might be.”
G considered it. She and Sereen exchanged equally confused glances.
Like a dutiful student, S started summarising Poe’s arguments but Gentry listened with only half an ear. She felt that behind all this over-thinking was a clear and simple answer.
She watched the professor walk along the aisles, tuning into one or another conversation before leaving each with a smug head shake of disapproval.
What was there to think about? Even if they didn’t see the world precisely as it was, something was definitely real, right? The chair she felt under her buttocks, the air around, the low murmur of the students. The annoying professor that… looked a little too translucent.
Gentry waited for the man to approach their desks and tune into Sereen’s musings. As he came so near they could reach out and touch him, Gentry did just that.
To her utter shock, her hand went through the old jacket and sent a wave of static over the professor’s figure, his whole form glitching and flickering.
Professor Poe was a hologram!
Unable to help herself, Gentry said, “No wonder you don’t think anything is real, Professor, you are hardly real yourself!”
The whole roomful of people stared, transfixed, at the surreal scene of a student’s arm disappearing into the teacher’s abdomen.
Gentry looked back at Sereen in search of support.
Was it laughter in her eyes?
Poe’s blood drained from his face, the mouth slacked open, twitching as if trying to form some words, but none came out.
Sereen chimed in, “You never told us you were a simulation, Professor.”
“Out!” Poe gritted lowly so that no one really heard him.
“I’m sorry?” G asked, innocently.
“Out of my class!” he exploded, jumping out of Gentry’s reach with an enraged grimace. “I am as real as you are!”
G stood up and looked at her hand then back at Professor Poe.
How much rage could storm in those watery eyes?
Then, she winked at her new friend.
“Let’s go then, shall we?” she said.
Sereen looked lost for a second, her eyes darting pack and forth between Gentry and Poe. Then, her gaze seemed to cloud a little, as if she retreated into her own head, but when she resurfaced, she nodded with a mischievous smile.
Both young women left the room, the classmates’ sympathetic silence and Poe’s angry seething seeing them off.
***
“What a way to start my first day,” Gentry said. “My hands are still trembling a bit.”
She and S were calming their nerves in the green winter garden, the soothing sound of the little running streamlet at their feet a welcome distraction.
“Believe it or not, his course is actually quite useful,” Sereen laughed. “Who would have thought the old Poe is actually not human? I guess we never thought of poking him in the stomach before. This is going to be the talk of the Academy for the next month or so!”
“Is it? I feel bad now. I guess I’m not getting any points for attending this lecture, right?” — Gentry checked her wristcomm — “It says “zero progress” and something else… ad.. Honi… adhonim…”
Sereen laughed, “Yeah, you adhominem’ed good old Poe, no wonder you got zero credit!”
“What does it mean?”
“You’ve seen the rules of learning and discourse, right?” S said. “There are no-nos, things that aren’t allowed, especially when it comes to Rationality classes and the like. Ad Hominem means an attack on the speaker, not their argument. It isn’t exactly what you did, but I guess it’s the closest thing!”
“Ad Hominem, huh,” G said. “Well, I guess I deserve it then. Thanks for standing by me.”
If it wasn’t for Sereen, G wasn’t sure she would be going to return to the Academy any time soon!
“You just chose a wrong course as your first class, G,” — no doubt about that! — “But another lecturer who works here is much more open-minded and he also teaches Rationality. I think you’ll enjoy him more than our old Poe. His next class is in a couple of days. Wanna come?”
***
DEAR GENTRY!
CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING AN OPTIONAL ASSIGNMENT! 20 POINTS HAVE BEEN ADDED TO YOUR STATUS COUNTER.

Hello, recently, my friend had a handful of self described "silly episodes" (bursts of high energy). However, the way they talk about it is upsetting to me.
I (18 male) am suffering from bipolar type 2. I have a friend (18 non-binary) who's been going through a long depressive episode. But recently, they had a handful of huge energy bursts where they acted super hyper and a bit out of character. These bursts mostly lasted around 60 minutes, with one of the longer ones being about 2 hours. However, after the first time this happened, they talked to a friend about the situation whilst I was present (and a part of the conversation). They mentioned what they experienced and that they were "very silly" (their words, not mine).
However, this rubbed me the wrong way a bit because they almost seemed proud, or rather show-offy about it. They continued to mention this event multiple times to multiple different people in different conversations, mostly out of the blue, where they made some random joke and would go over to talking about them "being silly" by saying something along the lines of "maybe I should get very silly again." A couple of friends have jokingly said that those events sound like manic depression (those friends don't know I have bipolar.).
I should mention that, judging from my own experiences, I wouldn't have said/guessed that these bursts were a manifestation of bipolar, as, as far as I know, from personal experience, online research, experiences made by friends with bipolar, for some reasons, one being that they were aware they were being "silly" while that was going on, and they always felt it about 10-30 minutes before that they were going to "get silly" (as you might have noticed, I'm really not a fan of that expression). Also, the general circumstances/particular happenings of these "silly episodes" (as they have sometimes called them) didn't give off the same vibe/energy as manic episodes from people I know.
However, the problem I have is not that I wouldn't believe them that they have bipolar, or that these episodes were mania (obv. I'm not a licensed therapist and everyone's experience is never the same etc...). My problem is that it feels like they treat it as a joke, or as something that's just funny to them (I'm not trying to say they are faking this, even if they were, I'd rather believe it not to be true. Also, they don't really have a reason to fake something like this). Whenever they talk about it, it triggers me to a certain extent, I get a bad feeling in my stomach, my mood is instantly ruined and i generally feel upset, you get what I'm saying. I also really really dislike them almost acting/talking like a child when they say "I think I'm going silly again." However, since they ARE going through a hard time, I don't know whether to wait to tell them, which could be a long time at which point there's no point at bringing this stuff up, or I could tell them now... however, I don't even know what to exactly say, as I, besides a couple of things listed here, don't even really know why it triggers me so much/why I dislike it so much when they talk about this the way they do.
Do y'all have any advice and tips I could use? What do you guys think should I do? And how should I talk about this to them?
TL;DR: I have bipolar type 2 and my friend, who's been depressed, had sudden hyper episodes. They joke about it, calling it "being silly," which triggers me. Unsure whether to talk to them now or later, as it's upsetting. Any advice?

Hello, recently, my friend had a handful of self described "silly episodes" (bursts of high energy). However, the way they talk about it is upsetting to me.
I (18 male) am suffering from bipolar type 2. I have a friend (18 non-binary) who's been going through a long depressive episode. But recently, they had a handful of huge energy bursts where they acted super hyper and a bit out of character. These bursts mostly lasted around 60 minutes, with one of the longer ones being about 2 hours. However, after the first time this happened, they talked to a friend about the situation whilst I was present (and a part of the conversation). They mentioned what they experienced and that they were "very silly" (their words, not mine).
However, this rubbed me the wrong way a bit because they almost seemed proud, or rather show-offy about it. They continued to mention this event multiple times to multiple different people in different conversations, mostly out of the blue, where they made some random joke and would go over to talking about them "being silly" by saying something along the lines of "maybe I should get very silly again." A couple of friends have jokingly said that those events sound like manic depression (those friends don't know I have bipolar.).
I should mention that, judging from my own experiences, I wouldn't have said/guessed that these bursts were a manifestation of bipolar, as, as far as I know, from personal experience, online research, experiences made by friends with bipolar, for some reasons, one being that they were aware they were being "silly" while that was going on, and they always felt it about 10-30 minutes before that they were going to "get silly" (as you might have noticed, I'm really not a fan of that expression). Also, the general circumstances/particular happenings of these "silly episodes" (as they have sometimes called them) didn't give off the same vibe/energy as manic episodes from people I know.
However, the problem I have is not that I wouldn't believe them that they have bipolar, or that these episodes were mania (obv. I'm not a licensed therapist and everyone's experience is never the same etc...). My problem is that it feels like they treat it as a joke, or as something that's just funny to them (I'm not trying to say they are faking this, even if they were, I'd rather believe it not to be true. Also, they don't really have a reason to fake something like this). Whenever they talk about it, it triggers me to a certain extent, I get a bad feeling in my stomach, my mood is instantly ruined and i generally feel upset, you get what I'm saying. I also really really dislike them almost acting/talking like a child when they say "I think I'm going silly again." However, since they ARE going through a hard time, I don't know whether to wait to tell them, which could be a long time at which point there's no point at bringing this stuff up, or I could tell them now... however, I don't even know what to exactly say, as I, besides a couple of things listed here, don't even really know why it triggers me so much/why I dislike it so much when they talk about this the way they do.
Do y'all have any advice and tips I could use? What do you guys think should I do? And how should I talk about this to them?
TL;DR: I have bipolar type 2 and my friend, who's been depressed, had sudden hyper episodes. They joke about it, calling it "being silly," which triggers me. Unsure whether to talk to them now or later, as it's upsetting. Any advice?

Hello, recently, my friend had a handful of self described "silly episodes" (bursts of high energy). However, the way they talk about it is upsetting to me.
I (18 male) am suffering from bipolar type 2. I have a friend (18 non-binary) who's been going through a long depressive episode. But recently, they had a handful of huge energy bursts where they acted super hyper and a bit out of character. These bursts mostly lasted around 60 minutes, with one of the longer ones being about 2 hours. However, after the first time this happened, they talked to a friend about the situation whilst I was present (and a part of the conversation). They mentioned what they experienced and that they were "very silly" (their words, not mine).
However, this rubbed me the wrong way a bit because they almost seemed proud, or rather show-offy about it. They continued to mention this event multiple times to multiple different people in different conversations, mostly out of the blue, where they made some random joke and would go over to talking about them "being silly" by saying something along the lines of "maybe I should get very silly again." A couple of friends have jokingly said that those events sound like manic depression (those friends don't know I have bipolar.).
I should mention that, judging from my own experiences, I wouldn't have said/guessed that these bursts were a manifestation of bipolar, as, as far as I know, from personal experience, online research, experiences made by friends with bipolar, for some reasons, one being that they were aware they were being "silly" while that was going on, and they always felt it about 10-30 minutes before that they were going to "get silly" (as you might have noticed, I'm really not a fan of that expression). Also, the general circumstances/particular happenings of these "silly episodes" (as they have sometimes called them) didn't give off the same vibe/energy as manic episodes from people I know.
However, the problem I have is not that I wouldn't believe them that they have bipolar, or that these episodes were mania (obv. I'm not a licensed therapist and everyone's experience is never the same etc...). My problem is that it feels like they treat it as a joke, or as something that's just funny to them (I'm not trying to say they are faking this, even if they were, I'd rather believe it not to be true. Also, they don't really have a reason to fake something like this). Whenever they talk about it, it triggers me to a certain extent, I get a bad feeling in my stomach, my mood is instantly ruined and i generally feel upset, you get what I'm saying. I also really really dislike them almost acting/talking like a child when they say "I think I'm going silly again." However, since they ARE going through a hard time, I don't know whether to wait to tell them, which could be a long time at which point there's no point at bringing this stuff up, or I could tell them now... however, I don't even know what to exactly say, as I, besides a couple of things listed here, don't even really know why it triggers me so much/why I dislike it so much when they talk about this the way they do.
Do y'all have any advice and tips I could use? What do you guys think should I do? And how should I talk about this to them?
TL;DR: I have bipolar type 2 and my friend, who's been depressed, had sudden hyper episodes. They joke about it, calling it "being silly," which triggers me. Unsure whether to talk to them now or later, as it's upsetting. Any advice?
(Also this is my first post here and maybe in general on reddit, hope i didnt

if anyone is interested, my last post on here was just me pointing out the symbolism w/ daryls wings/vest so i decided i would like to point out some more or you could add your own if you would like! (idk if any of this is rlly cannon but the creative writer in me just wants to share)

• the use of storm imagery/metaphors when referring to the whisperers. i think its really something i noticed recently but its super cool to me how the whisperers themselves appear together like storm clouds do in the sky, they bunch together and you just know something bad is going to happen or something is coming when you see them. also how they named the episodes “The Calm Before” and then “The Storm” in season 10 (or 9, my memory is a bit foggy sorry)
  
• the trauma bond between daryl and michonne is something that i dont see talked about much! this could go for many scenarios (the throat biting scene, the governor, glenn and abe) but im mainly referring to when jocelyn kidnapped the alexandrian kids and then branded daryl and michonne. i know its not really something to be noticed but i just think it really emphasized how daryl and michonne became eachothers wing-man after rick’s “death”
  
• abraham. literally his whole character to me is tragic. he had one goal and one reason for living (getting eugene to D.C.) and it all turned out to be a lie. and just as he found a purpose and a reason to go on, he gets bashed in. it was just very upsetting to see him explode after eugene’s lie was revealed, not because i cared about eugene being punched (idgaf lol) but because you could tell he felt like he was outside that supermarket with that gun in his mouth again.
  
• carol will always be a mother. i know that every child she cares for ends up dying, but she has always been the mother for the entire group. she has saved them so many times no matter the circumstances. its almost like shes destined to be the one who brings them togetheprotect them (i know rick also has that job and was called mother goose but they are both mother geese)
  
• shane’s death. i know this show has a lot of deaths but shane’s was one that changed the entire story. there are still remnants of him sprinkled throughout the later seasons but just in less obvious ways then “i had a best friend” and rick’s hallucinations. anytime rick has killed/hurt (the red machete, biting out joes jugular, the saviors in that dive bar, beating the hell out of pete, etc) he has a certain look in his eyes. his signature head tilt, the squint when he looks at his next kill, the deep breath in. the first time we see this is when he and shane were out in the woods together.
  

idk i feel like im just restating a lot of things that might have already been said, so feel free to add with whatever!

https://reddit.com/link/1cs2aw3/video/5ghwzruubg0d1/player
Chapter 3: Breaking and Training
Nancy's eyes fluttered open to harsh fluorescent lights. She was in a new room, one starkly different from the sterile lab where she had awakened. This room was lined with mirrors and filled with an assortment of equipment—poles, ropes, and mats. The air was cold, and the scent of disinfectant was overpowering.
The door swung open, and in walked a man dressed in black. His face was stern, eyes cold. Behind him, two guards followed, their expressions blank and intimidating.
"Welcome to your new reality, Nancy," the man said, his voice devoid of warmth. "It's time to train you to become the idol you were designed to be."
Nancy felt a surge of anger and fear. She tried to stand, but her legs were shaky, her body still adjusting to its new form. The man in black approached, grabbing her by the arm and yanking her to her feet.
"Let go of me!" she shouted, trying to pull away.
Her resistance was met with a swift punch to the belly. The pain was sharp and immediate, doubling her over. She gasped for air, the wind knocked out of her, but the man was relentless. He pulled her up again, this time more forcefully, and pushed her towards the center of the room.
"You're going to learn, whether you like it or not," he growled.
The training was brutal. Nancy was forced to dance seductively, her new body put on display in front of the mirrors. Every misstep was met with punishment. When she faltered, the man would yank her back into position, his grip bruising her skin.
She was made to sing until her voice was hoarse, the lyrics foreign and humiliating. Her hands were tied above her head, her body exposed and vulnerable. They poured ice water over her, the cold seeping into her bones, making her shiver uncontrollably.
"Keep singing," the man ordered, but her teeth chattered too much to form coherent words. A sharp slap to her face made her eyes water, but she forced herself to continue, the taste of blood from her bitten tongue mixing with the cold water running down her body.
The ropes cut into her wrists, the bondage restricting her movements. Nancy's muscles ached from the strain, but there was no respite. The man took pleasure in her suffering, pushing her to her limits and beyond.
At one point, she tried to fight back, her instincts urging her to resist. But her efforts were futile. The guards were too strong, and the man too cruel. Another punch to the belly made her double over, the pain radiating through her entire body.
"Submit," he hissed in her ear, pulling her back up by her hair. "You have no choice."
The physical pain was matched by psychological torment. She was made to pose provocatively, her body manipulated like a puppet. They mocked her, taunting her with crude comments about her appearance and her new identity.
"Look at you," the man sneered, forcing her to look at herself in the mirror. "So beautiful, so perfect. And yet, so weak."
Nancy's eyes filled with tears, the humiliation burning deep inside her. She hated what she had become, hated the body that betrayed her with its beauty and allure. But there was no escape from the relentless training, no way to avoid the pain.
The most twisted aspect of her training was the forced arousal. They used devices to stimulate her, driving her body to the brink of pleasure, then stopping abruptly. It was a cruel game, designed to break her will and make her associate pleasure with submission.
Her breasts were a constant target. The man used cold metal clamps to tease her nipples, sending sharp shocks of pain and pleasure through her. He watched with satisfaction as her body responded against her will, her nipples hardening, her breath quickening.
"Enjoying this, Nancy?" he taunted, twisting the clamps cruelly. "Your body certainly is."
Her face burned with humiliation, but her body betrayed her. The forced arousal was maddening, her new form hypersensitive and eager. She hated herself for the way she responded, the way her body craved the stimulation despite the pain they continued to torment her, using vibrators and other devices to drive her to the edge, then stopping just before she could find release. It was an endless cycle of frustration and humiliation, designed to break her spirit and make her submit.
In addition to the physical and psychological torture, Nancy was subjected to a strict diet plan designed to enhance her new form. She was given female hormones to shape her body further, making her curves more pronounced and her features softer.
They monitored her food intake obsessively, forcing her to eat less to maintain a slim figure. When they wanted her to gain weight in specific areas, they would force-feed her high-calorie foods until she was nauseous. If she resisted or failed to eat enough, they would force her to vomit, the guards holding her head over a basin as they shoved fingers down her throat.
Nancy's stomach churned constantly from the forced feedings and vomitings. The cycles of extreme hunger and forced gluttony left her weak and disoriented. The man would stand by, watching her suffer with a twisted smile.
"You're going to be perfect," he said, his voice dripping with malice. "Every inch of you."
The hormone injections were a daily ritual. They injected her with estrogen and other hormones to accelerate the development of her feminine features. The injections were painful, leaving her muscles sore and her mood unstable. Her breasts swelled further, the skin stretched tight over the growing mammary glands. The pain was constant, a reminder of her body's betrayal.
Her hips widened, her thighs grew thicker, and her buttocks became rounder and firmer. Each change was accompanied by discomfort and humiliation, the man and his guards constantly commenting on her developing form.
"Look at those curves," one guard would say, his voice lecherous. "You're going to drive them wild."
The breaking point came when they combined physical pain with forced arousal. She was tied to a chair, her body soaked in freezing water, her skin numb and blue. The man walked around her, his presence a constant reminder of her helplessness.
"You're going to learn to dance, to sing, to seduce," he said, his voice cold and calculating. "You're going to make us a lot of money, Nancy."
She tried to shake her head, tried to refuse, but her body was too weak, her spirit nearly broken. The final blow came in the form of a harsh punch to her belly, making her scream in agony.
"Do you understand?" he demanded, leaning close to her face. "You belong to us now."
Nancy's spirit finally broke. The resistance drained out of her, replaced by a numb acceptance. She nodded weakly, tears streaming down her face. The man smiled, satisfied with her submission.
"Good girl," he said, patting her cheek condescendingly. "Now, let's start again."
The training resumed, but this time Nancy didn't fight back. She danced, sang, and posed as instructed, her mind retreating into a place of numb compliance. The pain became a constant companion, but she learned to endure it, to accept it as part of her new reality.

OC
In the far future, mankind is surrounded by neighbours that rule over their citizens with an iron first and no regard for their happiness, either in the name of a select few families with noble blood, absolute monarchs or tyrants that claim to serve the interests of their nations while their actions suggest otherwise.
It is a sickening thought and certain individuals would not stand for this. Many species were flabbergasted when they learned so many humans were willing to meddle in the affairs of their neighbours, even more were shocked to learn that these endeavours were not funded by any human government for the sake of destabilising potential rivals.
It was a voluntary effort.
[----------------------------------------]
If Mesch could describe the current microcycle, she’d call it tiring, soul-crushing even, she had no choice but to overwork herself to pay off her debt to the state. After the brother of her father was falsely charged with high treason and shipped off, all of her immediate family-including her-was charged the appropriate price for being the acquaintance of a dissident. The dread residing in her heart only grew stronger as she made her way back to her meager apartment-dwelling, the thought of the massive debt and the cost of living only served to wear her mind down.
“Hello miss, did you know you have rights?” Mesch’s ears perked up at the sudden barrage of noise directed at her, turning to look at the source, she found a strange, seemingly furless biped looking at her. She exhaled from her snout, as if she didn’t have anything better to do…she had recently gotten off her twelfth consecutive overtime shift and the last thing the drowsy nersk needed was a speech about- “You actually do and since I’m here, I’m willing to tell you all about it” The biped was holding plenty of pamphlets in its first appendage and a clipboard in the second. Whatever it wanted to tell her must have been important enough to stand in the same spot for an indefinite amount of time, Mesch decided to humour the strange alien, stopping in her tracks and focusing exclusively on the being in front of her.
"Enlighten me then, what rights do I have?” She came to the conclusion that the alien ignored the sarcasm in her response, seeing that it was thick enough to pierce. She had nothing to her name besides the clothes on her person and what little she had in her apartment-dwelling. The alien handed her a pamphlet, why not? She had come this far, may as well go the whole way. It was written fluently in the language of her people and the information it divulged immediately drew her attention.
-The average Nerski adult works an average of ten human hours for six human days every human week with for the same criminally low wages. This is twenty nerski mini-cycles every twelve nerski micro-cycles every nerski mega-cycle. That is humiliating, grating and unacceptable. Besides being deprived of overtime rates, the average nerski adult is robbed of their sense of safety in their own dwelling, the nerski authorities need no one’s written permission to invade and sack someone’s dwelling for evidence of a crime, perceived or not. The average nerski citizen has no say in who governs them or the measures they may enact at any given moment. The average nersk is not free. But you can be, if you ask the nearest F.F.F advocate for more information. Freedom Forever Foundation-
Something just did not sit well with her about this, was she supposed to work less? Was she supposed to be paid more for the unskilled labour she provided? Was she being taken advantage of? The intrusive thoughts did not let her already weary mind rest, for she had a myriad of questions that urgently needed answering. “I…I want to know more” Mesch did not bother masking the tone of her voice, it sounded equally tired and pleading, desperate for answers to the questions that only kept appearing with each passing second.
The face of the alien brightened by a considerable amount, quickly withdrawing something from the bag on their back. In that span of seconds that felt like a lifetime she remembered the race the odd sentient in front of her belonged to, humans. Not new to FTL technology by any means, but still treated like children in many political-and social-circles thanks to being the newest addition to the Neutral Cooperation Concord. “Glad your rights concern you…this is the information kit, spread the word” A beige folder was handed to her, it was almost as thick as her arm, the scandalous information…the pull it had on her, it was hellish! The promise of relief almost made her knees buckle under the pressure of her need to know.
“One more thing…can I have your signature? I will sooner burn the page than let it fall in the hands of nerski authorities…you have my word” She didn’t need to be pressured to sign and she did so eagerly, carefully hiding the illicit materials within her clothes with shaky hands. ‘Thank-” The human did not get to thank her in time, noticing a single file line of nerski plain clothes enforcers closing in on them, picking up speed when he started backing away. “Unfortunately this is where we part ways…now go!” The last glimpse of the human she caught was him getting swarmed by the enforcers “Liberty fears no tyrant! FREEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” Mesch’s attempts at leading the human away had failed, tears threatened to spill out of the corners of her eyes the longer she ran yet she had no other choice. If only she could see him again…
Almost an entire megacycle latehuman month later…
Mesch was returning from work, this time she failed to evade the treacherous weather, opting to withstand it and head back home through the camped alleyways leading to that fabled square she had met the human at. She sighed, stopping for a bit and sitting down, squeezing her long ears to get what little water had gathered in there out again. That was when a familiar voice caressed her ears once more. “Hello miss, did you know you have rights?” Her head spun around a little too quicker than she liked, causing some pain to her neck but ultimately ignoring it in favour of finding the source of that blessed voice.
“Of course you do, you’re the first one!” The same human from before sat next to her, shielding her from most of the raindrops thanks to his larger size. “Also I’m now considered a political dissident and there’s an active warrant out for my detainment but that’s not the important thing here! It is this…” The same clipboard came into her view, this time filled with plenty more signatures and from the looks of things there were more pages under the one on top, all filled to the brim with signatures as well. “Whoever has it out for me sure doesn’t like it when people think on their own”
Mesch…was stunned, she had convinced herself the human would never see the light of day again and yet here he was, staring at her with that same smile, the same smile with the same, if not larger, amount of defiant spirit brewing behind it. “How did you?...”
"I am a vessel for liberty, as long as it exists somewhere, I will not be stopped” The human stood up and offered her his hand, she accepted it and after getting pulled up on her feet he showed her another pamphlet, this time it talked about a protest right outside the presidential palace, it was suicidal to say the least…which was why Mesch thought she had finally flown off the handle when she accepted without second-guessing herself.
“So…there are more like me?” Hope filled her heart, it was good, way too good to be true. “Not just more…way, wayyy more! Now come, I will get us there with the Liberty mobile!” She soon found herself strapped inside a vehicle of signature human design, heading straight to the presidential palace, her stomach flipping at the mere sight of the crowd gathered at the meeting point. Chanting slogans, phrases, speeches that at any other point in time she would have rejected as crazy and meant to destabilise the nation her people had built over many lifetimes. They got out and marched with the rest of the assembled nersk until they hit a chokepoint, lines upon lines of enforcers ready to meet them halfway , they were not scared or intimidated, they were ready.
Before long, either due to their own initiative or an order from a higher up, the enforcers were set loose on the crowd. Bashing, bruisng and shooting with electrically-charged pellets, trying their damnest to scare the crowd away. Mesch was scared but she would not flee, for the life she lived before this grand event was nothing more than celebrated slavery. Enforcers descended on her and the human, she was badly beaten but before any serious harm could befall her the human shielded her and proceeded to drive back the enforcers hellbent on killing her without even fighting back , the only weapon in his name was his own body and he did not use it as a weapon, only a a shield.
A few moments before she fainted from the overwhelming pain, she could hear the battle cry she had heard only once before and a sense of comfort, a painful but satisfying end to her life of misery.
This would have been the case if she hadn’t woken an indeterminate amount of time later in a hospital, with none other than the same human sitting besides her, watching her. “Slept well? You deserve it after all these bruises” It was painful to move and for the second time, she ignored it. Twisting just enough to be able to hug the human. “Thank you for everything” The human hugged her back, comforting her with the warmth only his words had provided so far. “You shouldn’t thank me, I was doing my moral duty…there is someone else you should be embracing right now” Behind the human stood another nersk, it was uncle Vinow, the same uncle that had gotten dragged off by the secret police. Tears of happiness overwhelmed her and she soon hugged both of them.
“Some sympathetic soul leaked the coordinates to several blacksites holding political prisoners and from the looks of things this isn’t the last act of defiance we’re going to be hearing about, while you were unconscious I was ferrying as many prisoners back and forth to the capital….Congratulations Mersch, your people have embraced freedom. Enjoy it, your blood, sweat and tears have finally paid off”
[-----------------------------]
[My HFY-themed discord server](http:// https://discord.gg/KQeBuv88EB)

Some added information: This hypothetical arc 4 takes place around 7 years after flames of hope, contact between pantala and pyhria has been cut off somehow, and the seawings sent out to contact pantala have instead found polreca, filled with new dragons, and a war
New continent: Polreca
Polreca is a third continent in the wings of fire world, the largest out of the three, with five tribes to inhabit it
Geography:
At the center of Polreca, we have the active volcano Flaming Peak, and the palace of the Cavewings, nearby in the surrounding area charred by the volcano's eruptions, we have the Flamewing palace, and on a mountain rivaling the size of jade mountain, (or agate mountain before the landslide in legends darkstalker) we see the Thunderwing palace, placed by the northern shore of Polreca is the coastal redwoods forest you see the Sizzlewing palace, and dotted around we have some of the few cave openings with direct paths to the areas where Protowings make their homes.
New tribes:
Thunderwings
Thunderwings are dragons with instead of four legs and two wings they have two legs and two wings, They also breathe lightning, they live in the tallest mountains in Polrecah, they are very intelligent dragons, smarter than the nightwings ever will be, this would lead to some beef between the two tribes, they often fly into storms for fun, with them having scales that have direct nerve connections with a lightning pouch in their throat, they can gain electricity from being struck by lightning, but they also have another organ that allows them to breathe electricity without being struck by lightning first, it is common for the queen and her challenger before a battle for the throne to go into a large lightning storm to charge up, this is also where the challenge takes place. However, thunderwings must be careful, because if they aren’t, they may be inflicted with “storm sickness” an affliction that is caused by overcharging in a lightning storm, leading to less energy, weak lightning breath, and fatigue, storm sickness can last anywhere from 2-3 days, to 3-10 years, and can even be permanent
They are named after different storms, cloud formations, etc.
Queen: Queen Thunderclap
Princess: Cumulonimbus
Prince: Typhoon
Characters of note: Stratus (a pale thunderwing with a keen mind for innovation, and if he gets angry enough, you don’t want to be in his way)
Flamewings
Flamewings, are the most Phyrria and Pantala esc dragons on Polreca, they are similar to skywings with flamescales, except that’s their entire population, though instead of breathing fire, they breath ice oddly enough, this works by gathering all of their cold into a sac in their throat, and allowing it to be expelled along with their liquid nitrogen like saliva, creating ice cold enough to induce frostbite in even icewings, however this equates to normal frost breath effects on other Flamewings due to their scales being super heated, they live near Flaming Peak, the active volcano at the center of Polreca, they are capable of living here due to their scales being able to withstand the heat of the lava.
Their names often follow along the lines of wildfire, ash, charcoal, etc.
Queen: Queen Ash
Princess: Wildfire
Characters of note: Princess wildfire (A somewhat shy dragon, with a burning desire to be a strong and reliable leader for her people, and during the first few books she butts heads with Echo often)
Protowings
Protowings are ancient dragons, from long before the scorching, living fossils so to speak, they have no fire breath, no venom, no gills, no camouflage, no silk, no frost breath, and their wings don't allow for self powered flight, but do allow for short glides, their scales/skin is thin and almost salamander like, they are an assorted amount of colors from black to white to red to blue and everything in between, they require water to lay their shelless eggs in, oh yeah they have eggs similar to amphibians, their lifespan is up to 500 years old and they are considered adults at 200, they live in small communities, of about 15 adult individuals maybe more that aren't adults, living in deep caves underground, where even seawings have trouble seeing, this darkness has never bothered the protowings, they are not that big, the oldest being about the size of clay in book 1, and they feed off of moss that grows in the caves and small bugs that also make the caves their home, their claws are dull, and their fangs small and useless, leading to then making rudimentary tools out of assorted rocks, with obsidian being commonly used, they have perfected hoard mentality, when one is threatened they release a call that can echo through the caves easily, this alerts the rest of their community, allowing them to swarm the threat and bring it down, they also commonly have severe photo phobia, fear of the light, meaning that if you want to see them you need to catch one while its hunting or foraging nearby, they are masters of their caves, easily being able to navigate thanks in no small part to their echolocation and gecko-like feet.
How they are named differs from community to community, in one, they might be named after cave formations like the Cavewings, in others they may be named similar to the cats from the warriors series(which Sutherland also worked on) with a prefix and a suffix.
Queen: they have no queen as they have no main kingdom
Characters of note: beetle’s leg, bug’s jaw
Cavewings
Cavewings are underground living dragons with no wings and stone like scales with different colored scales dotting their hide like gems, they live in the caves all across Polreca, not as deep as the protowings, but pretty deep, they have night vision, echolocation (like the protowings), and they are the greediest of all dragons, they also have scales that are near impenetrable, to the point that even things like flamesilk and rainwing venom have a hard time getting through, they are also effective burrowers and capable of launching themselves high into the air with no ceiling obstructing them high enough to snatch flying Flameings out of the air when the try to cross the border, making them near impossible to attack which is bad because the Flamewings and Cavewings are at war, they also do not eat like other dragons, they use lava they find by their main palace in Flaming Peak to cook their prey alive, dunking it in the lava and holding it there until it is thoroughly charred, and eat it like that, but certain groups use Flamewings to cook their meals, this has been announced to the flamewings that it was made illegal by the queen but this practice is unfortunately getting used more and more, with “rumors” stating that the queen has only said that she made it illegal but has in fact encouraged it, even going as far to say that she has three Flamewings at all times to cook her meals, hence why they are at war with the Flamewings.
They are often named after cave formations and minerals
Queen: Queen Stalagmite
Princess(s): Echo, Stalactite, and Cavern
Prince(s): Ravine, Drip, and Bat
Characters of note: Prince Ravine (a large cavewing who has no real friends outside of the other protagonists, his attacks have been described as “feeling like being hit by a mountain”)
Princess Echo (A smart cavewing with what her mother and sisters call “a weird obsession with the flamewings” Saying “They are nothing but tools for us to use” Echo is of course disgusted by the fact her family thinks like that)
Sizzlewings
Sizzlewings are effectively snakes with wings, and masters of venom, poison, etc, they have the unique ability to synthesize venom of things they eat, able to eat say, a dragonbite viper and create a venom that mixes their Rainwing esc venom with it, you see, by “default” their venom is similar to a rainwing, but their venom is slow acting, meaning if it gets on any other dragon, (aside from Flamewings and Cavewings) they will be slowly burnt and horribly scarred, but when they hatch they have venom that is no worse than a bee sting, but when they turn 14 their venom glands are fully developed and their venom would make a rainwing blush, they have full immunity their own venom and how they fight is that they wrap their enemy in their body, and bite them, shooting venom directly into their body and watching them squirm and perish, slowly, and painfully, this actually leads into their most common profession: Assassins and mercenaries, the sizzlewings are widely known to be a tribe who will side with whoever pays the most, at one time often splitting to become defense squadrons for different tribes and fighting each other, but ever since their “great tusked one” arrived they have lived by three rules: #1, always listen to the tusked ones descendents, the royal family, #2 never splinter off into their own factions, #3 most importantly of all, no killing other Sizzlewings outside of succession battles,
This “Great tusked one” came at a time when the tribe was splintered into three factions, called Toxin, Poison, and fang, The “tusked one” as he is known by in the royal family was an old male Sizzlewing, he was huge and had massive tusks, instead of fangs, his descendents, also have these tusks, but they still have fangs, the tusked one has long since died, nobody knows for certain where he came from, or even how old he was, but that he was strong, yet kind, he was the one who forced the three factions to sit together and decide on the three rules, and he helped them merge together. However, Queen toxin has had a queen coral situation, where there were no princess’ until slither, where the only times eggs would survive, would be when the assassin was caught with a band over their face, until toxin herself slept by her egg, nearly starving herself, and now she allows her daughter to play, but under supervision.
They are often named along the lines of toxin, venom, stinger, etc. baby Sizzlewings are called “acidlings” until they turn 15
Queen: Queen toxin
Princess: Slither
Prince(s): Stinger, Viper, Venom, and about 12 or so more
Characters of note: Princess Slither (a small sizzlewing with a cold demeanor and will not hesitate to leave you behind if you can’t keep up, she uses her nonthreatening appearance to her advantage, luring her targets into a false sense of confidence, only to suddenly be writhing on the ground, begging for death,)
protagonists* for this hypothetical arc 4:
Bone (one of my OC’s, a sandwing Pronouns: He/Him)
Bloodcrest (an OC of a friend of mine, a nightwing, pronouns:She/Her, was hatched under two full moons, with the crescent third moon being a blood moon)
Princess Wildfire
Princess Echo
Stratus
Beetle’s leg, his friends call him Beetle, or they would if he had any, as he says so himself. (a large protowing with piercing eyes that can unsettle even the bravest warriors, he has gray scales with black speckles dotting his face, he also has golden wings that he has been told by the other protagonists [friends?] make him look very beautiful, and a total goofball, has a scar on his eye from fighting the protowing that killed his mother)
Other protagonists:
Prince Ravine (has a crush on wildfire)
Princess Slither
Antagonists for this hypothetical arc 4:
Queen Stalagmite
Princess Stalactite
Bug’s jaw (beetle’s leg’s father and leader of his community, a gray protowing with red spots around his eyes and green stripes down his back)
Hybrids: The dragons native to Polreca cannot hybridize with each other, however the Cavewings and Flamewings can. The Polreca tribes can hybridize with other dragons from the other continents, although most of them are flamewing hybrids.
Flamewing-cavewing: I call them magmawings, they look like cavewings with a sort of heatblast from ben 10 look (god that reboot looks awful.)
Sizzlewing-rainwing: long protruding fangs and serrated teeth, sizzlewing like body with color changing abilities.
Flamewing-skywing: very similar to a skywing with firescales, but they breathe steam due to their heritage.
Flamewing-mudwing: leads to a big wings big enough to swallow a human whole, also breathes boiling steam.
*characters that have a book told from their POV.

I've posted this last year and some things happened which made me quite proud and I'd like to share how things went. So recap and then update:
So... When I was little, I lived with my mom and stepdad, things were great and we were very happy. Then my mom passed when I was 7y, so I moved with my father and stepmom, things were complicated. Currently, I have no contact with him (he's not a good man nor a good dad), and I live with my aunt (since 2018) and her husband (he came along in 2019).
Me and my aunt had an amazing relationship, she was my favourite aunt and all that. However, things started to go wrong when I started living with her, I made the mistake of answering that yes, I wanted to be treated like her daughter along with her 2 sons (one my age and the other 3 years younger). I had a desperate "need" for a mothefather. She became a kind of "maunt" (mother+aunt), and her husband a "stepdad"... Oh how do I regret this
Well, she has a favourite son, the oldest. He's lazy, arrogant, disrespectful, a typical golden boy who got spoiled his whole life and now he doesn't give a damn about anything other than himself.
For being the other woman in the house, she constantly pushes house chores to me, instead of the boys (subconsciously, i believe), pretty much only asks me about things, where her sons are, if the dogs were fed, if the boys cleaned well whatever room they were supposed to, stuff like that, and she's also constantly very, very rude to me (at the point of her husband arguing with her about it). And I got this whole syndrome of everything being my responsibility and anxiety when it comes to her, which became extremely exhausting over the years.
I came out to her about my bissexuality about 4 years ago, i thought she would take it well. She didn't. She masks her disapproval, but she clearly doesn't like it. I was really let down, I genuinely thought she would be supportive and everything we expect, but she first got confused, then annoyed and has said some very hurtful thing over the years. Currently I have a gf (she's 22 years old), we've been dating for over a year. They don't like each other very much, my gf doesn't like her because of all the things she does to me. And my aunt doesn't care about my gf at all because... well, she a girl.
Ok, that's the context. Now here's what happened.
My aunt send some kind of agressive messages over something silly, and that caused my anxiety on fire for the gazillionth time, only that time I had enough. I called my other aunt (by consideration, she's married to my grandad) and asked for help (she knows everything that goes on), if i could move in with them, she said yes. I then replied my aunt with a text saying i had enough and would move in with my grandad. She got upset and said (among other things) that "i had her blessing to leave, even though i didn't ask for it". She called my grandma (we are very close), and my grandma sent me some awful audios of how disappointed she was, how I made my aunt sad, of what would people think, that i used to be such a sweet girl and now this, of how loving is a choice and i chose not to love my aunt, stuff like that. Aunt and her husband went to dinner with my grandad that night without my presence, and told them we had an amazing relationship, that she didn't knew what happened, that my problem was I couldn't take a "no" for an answer, etc.
Two days later, we sat down to talk, she told me to start, I said all I wanted. She then started saying how that kind of thing should not have been adressed through text (which I agree, but I had to text or I'd freak out), that she was harder on me than the boys because (in another words) the world was rough and she loved me the most.
And then her husband also spoke about how he understands both sides and blablabla, and said that i could go to my grandad, but that they felt like i should understand that i would only go because THEY allowed, if they didn't wanted, i would not go, no matter what my grandparents or aunt (grandad's wife) said. He basically wanted to state their power position.
(Since my mother's death, my whole family on her side feel responsible for me, so i see all of them in the same way. None of them are my mom and dad, they are in the same "level" to me and have the same "right"... Him saying that made me burn inside, like they're entitled to me, I don't belong to them or anyone. They're my aunt and "uncle", that's about it, they think they have something on me that they... Don't)
And then my aunt said that I could go, as long as I told my grandad about my sexuality and girlfriend. Now... He's kind of old fashioned and i'm scared he'll reject me... We have an amazing relationship, I have lunch with them every wednesday, and I'm the closest grandkid he has (the others aren't so invested). So I don't know if I tell him the truth and manage to leave (depending on his reaction) or if I don't risk it and stay in the toxic enviroment i'm in.
UPDATE - 14/05/2024
Hello! So, things got much worse before they got better. Let's give them names so the story telling will be easier, let's call my girlfriend Bea, my aunt Leah, her husband James and my "aunt" (my grandad's wife) Rachel.
I basically swallowed my anger because I couldn't bring mysef to speak to my grandad about my sexuality, my grandparents are the most important people in my life as they've always been there for me and I was terrified to be disliked by him. That was until december.
Early december I was leaving for work and before I left, I tried to "notify" my aunt that Bea would be spending Christmas and New Years with me and my siblings (note: my siblings had been looking forward to her being there, specially my brother and my SIL (Luke and Lyla), they made it a question that she'd go. I have 3 paternal siblings, so there's NO relation between them and my aunt Leah. We'd be staying in a city 3 hours away from mine at my brother and SIL's house, every year we do this). She immediately said "you know I don't like this", I said "yes", she then said "good morning" and I left for college.
The next morning, I was eating before going to work and Leah started talking about it and we started a conversation that developed into a fight. She said things like how dare I "notify" her, how that's not how things work and that it would not happen because THEY (she and James) don't feel confortable with this, how THEY think Luke wouldn't like this because "no one likes to have people over for a week" (he and Lyla were super pumped for Bea to go), how THEY don't know my girlfriend enough (come on, we had been dating for over a year already), how THEY wouldn't like me going with her to a stranger's house (in complete disregard to my point of view, it's my freaking brother, whom they met a couple times btw, not a stranger. But to them, the only meaninful point of view was theirs). She had even called my brother to basically "check my story", like?? She also said that we we're only teenagers (seriously, 22 and 20) , and I said "no, she isn't and neither am I!", she said she didn't say Bea was, I then said "and neither am I", she said I was, because I didn't act like and adult, then I got mad and talked about how I do literally everything around the house, always walk the dogs even when I get home tired at 10PM, even though they got there at 7PM, I help with groceries purchase, pay the water bill, clean the house, do the chores her boys lack to do, and when I'm not home, I'm either at work or college, but when she disagrees about something, she just puts me back in the "teenager box". And in the end, she said that my raising was not like this, this made me laugh in anger inside, she's been with me for 5 years, I'm 20 lol.
So that was it, I left for work and got a text from her, apologizing for being rough, saying that she loved me and wanted it to work, that they wanted to talk to me when I got home. I replied saying the same.
Later that day when we were all home, we gathered in the living room, I was literally against the wall and it intimidated me deeply. James started saying how much they loved me and wanted to see me happy, as they want that for all their children (aunt Leah has 2 boys, my cousins, and James has 3 girls). I then talked and expressed how I was feeling, then Leah started talking and basically said in a nicer tone the same things she said earlier, plus how they want me to be happy and want things to work for me, but they think it's too soon, they believe it's not the right time, they they, and therefore, despite being against what they want, I could take Bea, but only in ONE of the two holidays, which I could choose. I was in a bit of a shock (you see, me and Bea had bought the bus tickets a while earlier), had no support, against the wall, I was feeling purely defeated and tired, I only said "Christmas then...", she then said we would sleep in separate rooms and would not go on the 22th after work because "she had already allowed an extra night by allowing her to stay there until the 25th". I stayed in silence, they asked if there was anything I'd like to add, I said no. It wasn't a conversation, in no moment did they actually listened and considered me, they had their minds set way before we sat to talk. I went to my room and rolled all night in pure anxiety. This was thursday
Friday I was a wreck and went to Bea's house to check on her (she was sick that week) and to talk to her about what happened. She noticed something was off, I told her, she got mad and sad, we cried, etc. I went home feeling awful, my anxiety had been 100% all day long and I was in a really bad place and feeling deeply frustrated.
Saturday I woke up worse and decided that I had enough and was not having that anymore. I went outside and called grandad, talked about how I wasn't feeling well and asked what did he think about me leaving home, he said that their doors were always open and that I could just tell my aunt that "I was going to live with my grandad and that was it". I reframed the question asking what he though about me leaving to live alone, he then got worried and said that he didn't think that was necessary, that I had them and didn't need to do that. He then asked me to come over and talk to him and aunt Rachel. I accepted and told aunt Leah I'd sleep at grandad's.
I got there and ate a bit because I didn't want them extra worried, although I felt like throwing up at every bite. Everyone went to sleep and so did I. I woke up a bit later feeling worst, that's when I started to throw up, there was barely anything in my stomach and all I could do was throw up.
The next morning I was better and had already told aunt Rachel about what had happened, she found it absurd how things went (she had met Bea a while back and they clicked very well) and was upset about the things aunt Leah said. I decided to talk to grandad, I couldn't disappear with the subject again, specially now that he was worried sick about me.
So... I sat on the couch and told him what was happening, explained everything, told him that I'm like his stepson's MIL (she's married to a woman. It was the easiest way I found to introduce the topic), told him everything. He asked what I wanted him to do about it, I said that I just wanted him to still love me the same and remain normal with me, that I am still the same person and have always been this way, he just didn't knew about it, but that it changes nothing about me. Aunt Rachel then joined us and asked what he was thinking about it (she knows everything and is amazing to me), he said he wasn't pleased, but that it was my life and he had no say in it and that I should do what's right for me, said that if I wasn't gonna change, then neither would he. But basically, he got much more worried about my mental health than my sexuality, he said that the doors were still open and always would be for me, that he thought I needed a home and thinks they can offer me that. Aunt Rachel said that they wouldn't be obsessive after me, demanding to know every step I take and bossing everything like Leah did, that I have my graduation, I work, make my own money, am responsible, have my own life and am not a child, I'm a 20 year old adult and they would treat me as such.
So that was it. I went back "home" muchhh more confident and waited until nightfall because everyone was having a good time and I didn't want to spoil that. I realized aunt Leah and James were awake and went to talk to them, and that, my friends, is when hell went loose.
I started by saying I talked to my grandad about Bea and my sexuality, Leah asked how it went and I said it was great. Then I said they could talk to him (since they wanted to "decide" with him about my going), she said ok and asked when I wanted to go, I said that it could be in the same week since I was on vacation from college, she frowned, stood firmly and said "you know this won't change our decision about the holidays, right?" then it went boom, I said I didn't agree with them and that it wasn't right for them to dictate about such things. Told them their values and beliefs don't have to be mine, Leah asked "WHY NOT?", then I replied "because I have my own!".
Told them they were controlling and that made their kids lie to them, that since they liked to compare raisings (they criticized Bea's mom's raising because she gives her kids freedom to live their lives and fully trusts), then fine, I went on to say how Bea and her mom have an amazing relationship, full of love and trust, how Bea turned up great, works hard, just made it to psicology at university, helps immensely at home, and so has her sister. As for theirs? They raised their kids poorly, they are overbearing and that makes their kids not trusting them and lying a lot because of this necessity of them to control everything. I stated that the raising they gave their children was not my own, that I had multiple raisings and that no, they didn't "raise" me, I'm 20 and they've been with me for 5 years. Said that was clear, just look at the difference between me and her boys (I won't delve into this bit because it's not relevant, but the difference is nitid).
They said I couldn't take a no for an answer and that was my dad's fault, I said they didn't know what they were talking about, I know how it actually went whilst they made a story in their heads and believe it's the truth, since I knew how my dad used to tell my family one thing and do another.
They (again) said they wouldn't treat me like an adult because I did nothing to behave like one, I said that they didn't treat me as I deserved and they would always put me in the "teenager box" whenever I acted differently to what they thought was right (but I was adult enough to lend James almost 1k without Leah's knoledge lol).
She obviously tried to blame Bea, saying she was putting things in my head and that the last conversation was fine and now I was throwing a fit, I said that I said nothing else then because I felt cornered and realized it wasn't a conversation, it was them simulating one only to tell me what they were going to all along.
I told them they didn't know Bea because they didn't want to and I wasn't confortable bringing her as it was an enviroment unwelcoming to her, she then asked if i would go another year like this until I "felt confortable", I said yes, if that's what it took, that I didn't really need to introduce anyone if I didn't felt comfortable to it.
She once demanded to go meet Bea, after throwing a fit at my BIRTHDAY because Bea planned a day for me and my MIL wanted to make me lunch and they weren't invited, it was super uncomfortable. My aunt described this day as uncomfortable, in this argument I said "and about that day you guys met Bea and her mom? It was uncomfortable? OF COURSE it was, I TOLD you it would be! I told you that was barging in and no one wanted it!". Which Leah said that no, that wasn't the uncomfortable part, the uncomfortable was how Bea was "daring her, being all over me and kissing me in front of her, that she had to be respected!".... Lol, the being "all over me" was me shaking from the anxiety and Bea holding me to keep me in my feet, the "kissing" was ONE greeting kiss. And Bea did nothing "daring" towards Leah, believe me, if she had, aunt Leah would definitely know lol.
At the end, they asked if I was taking Bea, I said, yes, Leah said no, since she called my brother and told him how "things would go down" (amazes me everytime I remember this, she wanted to dictate how the holidays would go IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE). Lol, my brother was just texting me saying how Bea could go spend the whole holiday and we'd just say she left after Christmas. So it wasn't a very good argument on Leah's end. I said it was my business and I was sorry, but it was MY brother, MY family, MY relationship, MY life, and it wasn't up for them to dictate on it, they shouldn't feel comfortable or uncomfortable since it had NOTHING to do with them, and that my family who mattered in this were not only comfortable but very excited for Bea's presence.
I told them I knew I wasn't wrong since grandad and aunt Rachel agreed with me, so they could go ahead and talk to them if they wanted to. They ended up showing me their tumb and I left for my room.
Aunt Leah left to grandad's house in like, 5 minutes, cried to him and all. She got back, went in my room and in an ironic tone, said "sorry, I know I'm not your mother, stay with your raisings, I'm just glad and relieved my father wasn't as ok as you thought (her saying this seriously hurt me), he accepted for reasons ans beliefs he has, so go ahead and pack your bags this week, you're free to go. Sorry for the flaws, I was trying to get it right, be careful when you take that sticker off, don't ruin the painting." aaand she left.
The next day, grandad came and we took 90% of my stuff and I started officially living with him and aunt Rachel. Christmas was a bit awkward (my maternal family does this early Christmas so everyone's free on the 24th), but I was glooming feeling like the weight of the world had left my shoulders.
So... I went with Bea to spend the holidays with my family, my siblings, my SIL's parents and even my 1 year old nephew absolutely adored Bea, they now ask about her even before asking about me lol. My paternal grandmother loved her and was amazing, told my aunt (her daughter) that Bea was adorable and loving. It was amazing and I cannot imagine 2023 Christmas and New Year without Bea with us, she added sooo much.
Recently we've been to Luke's and Lyla's at Easter and made Easter eggs together, watched movies, went out, went to a family gathering where Bea, my uncles, cousins and grandmother (who was really happy to see her since Bea couldn't go to her birthday because she had to work) all got along really well.
We see each other frequently, living with grandad and aunt Rachel has been amazing, I'm finally gaining weight! MANY people have noticed it and it quite frankly scared me a bit, I had no idea it was so evident. But yeah, I'm doing great!
Grandad isn't ready to deal with this, so we don't talk about it. He doesn't like it and doesn't really understands, but he's doesn't meddle. Grandma (maternal) texted these days wanting to meet Bea (finally!), since she found out through aunt Rachel that me and Bea are still together and going strong for 1 year and a half already. I think she took it seriously now.
Anyway, it was hell, lol. But things turned out alright! Thank you for the people who commented in my first post, it was nice reading the comments and taking the options into consideration!

My endoscopy isn’t until late June. But I’ve had gastritis twice before so I’m pretty sure that’s what’s happening. Or I’ve given myself a stress ulcer as my life did a 180° earlier this year. Doctor is ruling out a number of things, gallbladder and all my right side organs are fine. Possibly ruling out endometriosis with a lap surgery. My symptoms don’t seem to line up with gastroparesis but doc said we’ll do a GES if everything else comes back normal. Nausea is my worst and most uncomfortable symptom. Along with burning stomach, uncomfortable upper abdomen pressure. Recently I started to actually do better for myself. I’m eating the best I can, getting exercise. Using melatonin to help my sleep (& hopefully get some gastritis relief from melatonin as well).
Anyway.. now that I’m doing better for myself, I’m having more good days. But even on my good days, I’m scared. I’m terrified to eat because I don’t want to end up bedridden with an emesis bag all day, like I’ve spent many days the last few months. I was maintaining weight before, but I’ve lost 6lbs in the last week or 2. It is draining. Feeling hungry is usually my only relief on bad days so I’ve grown comfortable with it. And I know it’s making me worse. If I go long periods without eating, it makes my stomach even more upset when I finally do eat. I logically know this but i can’t rid the fear of being too scared to eat! Today for example I’ve had a pretty good day. But all I’ve managed to eat is oatmeal this morning, a handful of nuts and some dry cereal (it’s 3pm) I haven’t experienced any day-stopping nausea and I’m eating as if I had. It’s like my body is healing and my mind is becoming ill. Has anyone experienced this? It’s only been going on for a few weeks, so I’m not terribly scared yet but I want to stop this before it becomes an even harder issue to stop.
I also want to note I am in weekly therapy but I’m not sure how much it’s helping with this issue.

Ok so my sister is planning on coming up to brissy, which she’s had planned for months. I live not too far out from brissy, maybe 1/2-45 with no traffic. So for one night (the first night) she’s staying at my place before she goes to her hotel in the city. Now I said I was fine to pick them up from the airport (which I still am, there’s no issue there). But my issue is I’ve suddenly become really sick, extremely sore throat, chestyy cough, runny nose, headaches, and I’ve been dealing with the bad insomnia due to new meds which is now being made worse by the fact I’m sick. So now I’m worried I won’t be up for the drive and won’t feel well enough to make the 1hr 1/2 round trip to pick them up.
I obviously don’t want to spring it on them last minute that they have to use public transport but with lack of sleep and sickness I don’t know if I trust myself driving into the city to get them either (they arrive tomorrow morning at 10:45 so there’s over a day for us to organise something if needed). Id be happy to cover 1/2 or all of the cost for them to get public transport but part of me still feels shit for it? Idk if I should just suck it up and go get them because I obviously want to see them and get them home the most convenient way but i just don’t feel great to drive. And no one else is able to go get them either ugh 😩 like I know it’s an asshole move but this sickness is out of my control so idk if I should just suck it up and go get them or not.

me and my boyfriend have been having increasingly worse fights and the worst part about it is he like darvo’s me or some shit the next day when i complain about the injuries i sustain.
he strangled me again yesterday, but i can’t complain about the extreme neck pain i am in without him turning it around on me, avoiding me, making me feel bad for mentioning the pain. i literally can not hold up my own fucking head without it hurting because of him choking me, but that is too upsetting for him. i hate that i’m too weak to leave the abusive relationship i am in.
i hate how much money i am out due to him destroying my belongings and justifying it because i threatened to call the police if he wouldn’t calm down. i hate that the neighbors start fights with him because they hear him hurting me, instead of doing literally anything else that wouldn’t put me in more danger. i hate that i have nobody to talk to about anything i go through. i tell my friends some but i know i am a burden, i know it is too much to hear.
i was going to leave while he was at work yesterday, but he took my phone and threatened to take it with him and then smash it when he got home. i had to go to his work and sit in a hot car in a parking lot for hours. i moved out here for him, as embarrassing as it is i have no way of going home without directions.
i hate that i’m pregnant with his child and he is forcing me to abort this one too. i hate that he can’t even not strangle me when i’m pregnant. i hate that he has no empathy for hormones or the fact that he could cause me to miscarry. i hate all the cuts i have over my body from self harm, i hate that he laughs and encourages it and tells me he will help me pick out a better knife to cut with. i hate how he laughs at me and smiles while doing all this.
and most of all, i hate that after sustaining all this emotional trauma and physical damages, i have to play the “cool girl”. i hate that i can’t be upset over him beating me because it’s too upsetting for him. i hate that i can’t even get one week before being strangled again.
i reach out to my family. i say they need to come protect me and help me pack up. they say i am overreacting. i say i fear he will kill me and i really need help. they say i’m overreacting.
i just want to be happy and safe and not in pain. i don’t know what i did to deserve this. this isn’t even everything i go through.

I am on day 7 of covid. First day was chills, fever, muscle aches, and back pain. After day three, I have had the worst nausea and aversion to food. Can’t keep anything down. Zofran and Phenergan aren’t touching it. Five days of this intense nausea and no relief. I can drink water okay but anything after that is rough. Anyone have nausea this badly or this long? I’m going crazy over here thinking there won’t be an end in sight.

Before you self harm in any way, you should probably know what you’re getting into. Before you make that cut, please keep in mind that you will find the pain release, and blood, strangely addictive. You may think to yourself that you’ll be able to control it, that you won’t let it get out of hand. You may think that you can just stick to a few small, shallow cuts here and there that won’t be deep and that will heal quickly and easily. But you’re wrong. You can’t control it, it’s impossible to control. It controls you. It’s an addiction. The cuts will get deeper, they’ll scar. They’ll take weeks to months to heal and years for the scars to actually begin to fade. You’ll find that soon, you depend on it. You can’t go more than a few days without cutting. You’ll go crazy as your skin itches and burns, your hands shake, your head pounds, your vision goes blurry as you try to keep your mind off of it, try to hold back from giving in. But you will. If you think you can limit the cuts to just one area of your body, you better think again. It’ll spread slowly but steadily, like a deadly virus. It’ll spread as you run out of skin, from your wrists to arms, past your elbows, up your shoulders down to your stomach, across your hips and waist and soon will cover your every inch of your legs right down to your ankles. I hope you’re prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame and guilt. Even if you have been the most honest person to ever live, you will lie to your friends, family members, everyone around you who you care about. You’ll find yourself jerking back from the touch of someone, as if their fingers and hands have been bathed in a toxic, burning poison. You’ll be terrified that they will feel a scar or cut from beneath the fabric of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to simply be touched. Be prepared to become your own worst enemy. You’ll fear yourself, your head, the urges that taunt you every minute of every day. You’ll come to fear the next time you cut because you don’t know how bad it’ll be. Wait for the 10 cuts to turn into 20 then 50 then 100. You’ll be covered in scars and cuts. Your entire life will begin to revolve around your addiction. You’ll constantly be thinking about cutting, covering up your cuts, how you’ll hide your blades, scissors, bobby pins and the other objects you use to destroy your body. And then..the first time that you cut “too deep.” The bleeding won’t stop and you’re gasping, shaking, panicking, fear takes over you. You pray and hope that the bleeding will stop. Your purpose wasn’t to die, you won’t ever go that deep again. Right? Wrong. You’ll go there again, and deeper. But don’t worry. You’ll learn how to take care of your cuts so you don’t have to take a trip to the hospital every night. The better you get at treating your wounds, the worse they become. You’ll lie to yourself and try to justify it when you go to the pharmacy and drug store, finding yourself spending 20, 30, 40 dollars on dressings, gauze, alcohol wipes and sterile strips. You’ll tap your foot impatiently, hoping that no one stares and asks you why you’re buying all of these things. But at the same time..you hope someone asks, so you know they care. Be prepared to spend even more money on an entire new wardrobe. Long sleeved shirts, hoodies, long pants, boots, bracelets, wristbands. The list goes on forever. You’ll keep scanning other people’s bodies for signs of self harm, hoping that there is someone else out there who feels the same way you do. Hoping, praying that they will be like you. But that will never happen. You’ll see clean, uncut, unmarred arms and feel even more alone and ashamed than before. You’ll do a lot of things alone, be prepared to kiss your social life goodbye. You’ll always be doing your laundry, always in private so no one sees the blood stained towels and clothes. You’ll be spending hours scrubbing blood from the bathroom floor, and wiping dried blood off of your keyboard. You won’t be able to make it a day without cutting. You’ll carry an emergency kit in your wallet or purse. A key, safety pin, a needle, a paperclip, even a pencil. Everything around you will become a weapon. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it gives you that feeling that sends you reeling. Next thing you know, you’re in the bathroom stall at your school or work, picking open the scab of an old cut with a needle. Say goodbye to all of the things you took for granted. Shorts, sandals, tank tops, swimming in the summer, going to the beach. All of these things will be a far off memory. I hope you like itching and scratching non stop. You will itch and itch and itch. It’ll be so much that it’ll look like you have some sort of flesh eating disease. You will become an expert on your body as you carefully destroy it, taking it apart piece by piece. You will dream of cutting, dreaming of getting caught. It will haunt you day and night, in your dreams and when you are awake. Cutting will take over your life. It now has it’s hold over you, it controls you. You’ll hate yourself, hate yourself for making that first cut that threw you into this vicious, neverending cycle. You’ll wish you never made that first cut. You’ll wish you had read something like this, or that someone had told you what would happen. But as much as you hate your addiction and self harm, you love it and can’t live without it. You’d rather die than go just a few weeks without cutting.
Now, I’ll tell you what the title pertains to. How to self harm. Here is where I tell you how to successfully hurt yourself. So put down what you’re about to use Because you are so much better than this. And believe me, you don’t want to get involved with the monster of self harm, it’s not worth it.

Hi Courtney! I'm a huge fan of your channel and I've been watching you for a while now, and I would just die if you read my story! It's gonna be a little longer since I don't want to miss any important details. Also tag warning for some serious topics (drug use and pedophelia)
Okay so, let's start back in 2012. My mom worked in the NICU taking care of little premature babies. (I had been 6 weeks early, which inspired my mom) I was 11 at the time that she met her ex-husband, my ex-stepdad. We can just call him B (for bastard lol). They worked together, he was funny and stole her heart. Well at the time he was going through a divorce but lived in a house twenty minutes from where we were living at the time. B had told my mom that things were over with his ex for sure (he told his ex wife at that time that he wanted to work on things! She was so blindsided by the divorce papers!) <--- of course we didn't know about any of that until recently End of 2012 comes, he marries my mom and my older sister move in with him and his 7 year old son in this three bedroom house. Two rooms upstairs and a master bedroom downstairs. Now of the top two rooms, my ex stepbrother (lets call him C) had the larger room, while my older sister (who was high school age, I think she was a senior) and I shared the other room and slept in bunk beds.
Now C had a problem with sleeping in his room at night. He would tell us about how he was afraid of the closet (the closet also had a tiny door that led up to the attic). Ever since he was little it was always the same problem. C was simply terrified of something in the house. He had an experience where someone woke him up and warned him that there was a spider, he started screaming and sure enough they found a brown recluse spider under his bed.
Then my mom gets pregnant and gives birth to my little brother, H. My sister had moved out pretty much as soon as possible. B was awful. He would belittle us and talk down to us, constantly try to make everyone feel stupid around him- he had to be the smartest one around at all times. He was an asshole, and he would say rude stuff and then complain that we were taking him too serious and he was just being sarcastic. That we 'didn't get his sense of humor'. And for a while, he had my mom wrapped right around his finger. He was manipulating her from the very beginning. He even treated her like shit most of the time. 8th grade all the way through the end of my senior year I endured his treatment every day. I had to be careful about what I said at all times, about who came over, about being too loud at night. If my room was messy, he would take a garbage bag and take all of my stuff- I had to 'earn' back my stuff.
When the baby was born they had to do renovations on the house. There was a ton of attic space, so they ended up breaking into it- a game room leading to two bedrooms and a bathroom. This was when things went from humanly hellish to supernaturally chaotic. During the renovations before any walls went up and it was mostly just wood and plastic, C and I had seen a dark shadow of a man pass behind a plastic tarp- and it was so clear because the sunlight was coming from the other side. When I checked there was no body there. Once everything was completed the feeling changed.
My room ended up being on the other end of the opened up attic.
At the time I was watching a lot of Supernatural- so my spooked ass started putting salt barriers on my bedroom door (which guess what! Yeah! It was one of those attic bedrooms!) and also on my window too. My mom and B would ridicule me for this but I stand by my decisions to this day!
This was mostly because of the feelings you would get in the game room. Even if you were just passing through. There were always eyes on you- especially when your back was turned. I never ever walked through that room without the light on. I didn't even sleep with the light off in my room. When I would I would get really bad sleep paralysis,
One of the worst ones I was laying on my stomach with my head turned to the side. I opened my eyes and I was utterly frozen. At first I know it's just sp, so I try to stay calm and take deep breaths but then I start to feel this pressure starting down on my feet. It feels like two hands grabbing my ankles and pressing down. Then the hands move up my body and then there's more pressure- like someone's whole body is crawled over top of me. It gets closer and closer to my head. All the while I'm trying to scream but I can't open my mouth so it's just coming out as quiet whimpers. I can feel it breathing on my neck and then in my ear. That's when it finally stopped and I jerked up and immediately turned on the light. I remember just crying for a while. At the time B had made it impossible to trust my mom- and they would've just gotten mad at me for waking them up.
There was another night where I had been up late, probably 3 or 4 in the morning and I was drawing or something just sitting on my bed. All of the sudden I hear 4 distinct knocks from INSIDE my closet! No joke I shit bricks. There was no rational explanation. Because there was siding on our house that was damaged and it would make noise but it was always specific like a scraping/tapping. But this was a knock, like someone is at your door with your DoorDash meal type knock. I always tried to rationalize what was happening. Make excuses for the weird stuff.
Then one summer, my cousin had come up from another state to stay with us. We spent a lot of time in my room, just hanging out. One day, we're both up there just chilling when all of the sudden I notice something under my door.
Someone was walking back and forth in front of the bedroom door. You could even hear the floor creaking on the other side. You could see the shadow pass to the right and then to the left. I remember locking my door and calling my mom to see if it was an actual human, nope. She ended up sending B up there (of course this made him mad for some reason) to verify that there was no person up there. Basically they just said we were being kids with overactive imaginations but I can tell you right now there was no rational explanation for that experience.
A lot of the time at that house you could feel constant eyes on you, mostly in the attic. Like always- at all times, someone or something was watching.
There were also times when there was a sort of 'mimic' situation where you could think you heard something upstairs but you really didn't; one time my sister went to pick up our dog- and she thought she heard the dog crying upstairs, she started to go up and get her when her boyfriend who was there at the time stopped her because the dog crate was downstairs in my moms room AND GUESS WHO WAS IN THE CRATE and NOT upstairs.
There was also one time I was babysitting my younger siblings and it was pretty late when I heard giggling upstairs. Thinking it was my brother, I went up to reprimand him and basically tell him to go to sleep but when I entered his room- he was dead asleep. Like fully passed out. I just shut the door and quietly went back downstairs. Nope nope nope.
B ended up doing work out of state- I was like 20 ish and moved back in with my mom and the kids. What was weird that during this time I didn't really have a lot of paranormal experiences. Once or twice you would hear weird things or my cat would get tiffed up staring at blank corners of the room. It was mostly really nice when he wasn't there.
A few years ago we ended up having to leave that house. B as it turns out had gotten himself addicted to meth and also started downloading explicit photos of underage girls (11-13 approx.) I was at the house when the police came and everything. He's still not in jail btw which is such bull. When it first happened, my mom reached out to B's ex wife to talk to her.
Turns out from the moment B and his ex bought this house, she immediately noticed negativity. Weird things and scary things that would happen. We sort of deduced that HE was the one bringing that negative energy into the house, which totally made sense because most of the extreme haunting stuff was happening WHILE HE WAS THERE. So yeah I blame him because he is a disgusting demon himself.
Anyway that's all I've got for now- thank you so much for reading! Love you girl!