I (28F) have known my partner, David (29M) for 5 years now, which includes an 8-month period in which we were broken up and I was in a serious relationship with another man, Luke (30M).
Before I met Luke, my relationship with David was suffering from a ton of very textbook communication issues. I won’t go into too much detail, but here’s an example. Whenever I tried to do something nice for him, he would guilt me for trying to make him feel bad because he would not do nice things for me (he was depressed at the time so that’s why it made sense to him). Or rather than talk about our feelings in a healthy manner (I-statements), we would blame each other. It was messy and resentment grew in our relationship. I used to cry a lot.
This was exactly the time I met Luke, who is a relative of my stepmother through her late husband before she married my dad. My stepmom was renting out a portion of my dad’s and hers marital home to Luke and one night she invited me to dinner with all of them. Luke instantly drew me in. He was a child’s psychologist and since I also work with small children, we had so much in common. We had an amazing conversation that evening and I learnt he had a great insight into people. I could not put my finger on it instantly, but it felt so refreshing meeting someone like him. When I shared that I met Luke with my then boyfriend David, he accused me of cheating on him and acted extremely possessive about me which angered me because I didn’t do anything wrong.
Having Luke around was more frequent now since I am close to my stepmother. Maybe because my relationship with David was getting so bad, I projected a lot of my fantasy on Luke, unconsciously. I never meant to get emotionally close with him, and as soon as I realised I was developing feelings for another man, I ended my relationship with David. That very week, Luke asked me out and our relationship blossomed. We moved too fast. He was incredible and after 5 months of dating, we moved in together. However, he does not want kids of his own and I realised we were incompatible ultimately and we broke up amicably. I should admit that despite our incompatibility, there was a lot of genuine love in our relationship and he is going to be one of the “great loves” I have experienced in my life.
I remained single for a whole year, and David reached out. He was doing better mentally now and we went for couple’s therapy as well and are in a good place now when it comes to communicating maturely. However, he cannot seem to navigate his insecurity of how I “left him for Luke”, and he wants me to say that I regret being with Luke. As hard as it is on David, I do not regret meeting Luke. David and I were bad for each other back then and we were different people. I see that the way life lead us apart, and now together, we have grown so much. Yes, it’s true, that while being with David, I fell in love with Luke, and I do not believe in the concept of “love of my life”. David also feels insecure because I never moved in with him, but I moved in with Luke. However that’s an unfair comparison because no 2 relationships are equal.
David is now upset and acting jealous, what should I do?
TLDR:
I've been through quite a journey with my partner, David. We had our fair share of communication issues, which led to a rough patch in our relationship. During that time, I met Luke, who seemed like a breath of fresh air with his insight and compatibility. Despite my efforts to keep things platonic, feelings developed, and I made the difficult decision to end things with David. Luke and I had a whirlwind romance, but ultimately, our differing views on having children made us realize we weren't meant to be. After some time alone, David and I reconnected and worked on our issues, but he struggles with insecurity stemming from my past with Luke. While I understand his feelings, I can't change the past or pretend I regret meeting someone who had a significant impact on my life. It's a tough situation, but open communication and understanding are key as we navigate this together.

EDIT: Sorry this is so long! It's clearly weighing heavy on my mind and I also have a habit of overexplaining myself due to my past. Believe it or not, this was my attempt to keep it short!
As someone raised by a single narcissistic parent, I (25F) have a lot of difficulty in figuring out if my perception is accurate or if I'm misinterpreting things. I've spent years working on this in therapy and have made progress in figuring out when I'm being treated poorly, specifically in platonic relationships, but have still a ways to go.
Recently, I've gotten into a relationship with my bf (29M) after having been single for 5 years. The person I've started dating proactively chased me during this time and I was clear that I wanted to be just friends due to concerns about long-distance, feeling overwhelmed with the interest they had in me without knowing me super well, and feeling like my boundaries weren't being respected. Over those 5 years, we developed a strong friendship/relationship and these issues resolved (except for the long-distance). I had a major life event happen in 2023 that had me questioning how much of my life I had lived in fear and avoidance. Simultaneously, this person was a huge support to me while I went through this difficult moment. I decided I was ready to pursue a romance with him and he agreed he wanted to too. So we started officially dating roughly 10 months ago.
In the beginning of our relationship, he would make tons of comments about our future together, talking about our kids, what life would be like when we're married, trips that we would take, etc. I was hesitant in the beginning to believe this, but slowly started to imagine this future too and would join in these conversations. I had never dated someone who so openly talked about a future with me and while it felt scary in the beginning, I started to feel like it was a beautiful thing and I was experiencing healthy love.
Back in January, he started to talking to me about getting a place in my city. Although we're long distance, he has to come to my city fairly often for business reasons and likes to extend his stays to spend time with me. I initially thought he just meant something for himself that he would stay in when he was in my city. This wasn't super surprising since he has an apartment in another city sitting completely empty and he was talking about getting a place in another city for when he'd visit before we started dating. To be clear, he has vast financial resources. Like hundreds of millions.
I was excited that he was going to get a place in my city, because I knew it would make him more comfortable when he'd visit and therefore make his visits more likely. However, he clarified to me a week later that he actually wanted to get a place for the both of us - where I would stay full time and he would stay when he was visiting. He was surprised that I thought this would just be his place. I thought about it and got excited at the idea (although I had some concerns about living alone for those periods he wasn't there - I've always had roommates and have loved it honestly).
Once I agreed, he said he wanted to start looking at places when he was visiting my city for a few weeks that February. I started to look at places online and have conversations with him about what we'd both want. February came, he didn't make any effort or mention of seeing places in person. My roommates started to ask me if I'd be renewing the lease with them or not and I told them I wasn't sure. I'd periodically bring it up to him and emphasize that we probably need to start looking and make serious progress on it. He would agree, but I wouldn't hear anything more about it. Finally, I told him I needed to give my roommates a final answer about it. He said that I should renew the lease with them so that we're not rushed into finding something and can find the perfect place. He said it was okay if the leases overlapped, assuring me that it wouldn't be a problem and he'd cover it financially. I was hesitant, but given his vast wealth, I figured this was just one of those rich people things where comfort is prioritized over wastefulness.
He has not brought it up since. Recently, I had felt some distance from him. He wasn't as communicative. He flaked on a vacation we were supposed to go on during my spring break at the last minute due to a conference he wanted to attend. He was vague about when he would be able to visit next, saying that I could visit him whenever even though he knew I was in school until May. He invited me to go to a friend's wedding in a far away state in late April, but said he figured I wouldn't be able to go because he knew I had finals. I decided to make it work by flying in for 48 hours despite having finals. While we were together in person, it didn't seem like anything was wrong at all. I decided to talk to him about some of these concerns and mentioned the apartment. He said that he wanted to find the perfect place for us and not stress about it. I told him that I get that, but we need to take action in order to find the perfect place. He said that there's no rush. I pointed out he said he wanted to start looking at places in February, so it seemed like he wanted to get a place fairly soon, but I was feeling confused because since those early talks, I've been the only one to talk to him about it. I told him that it felt like he didn't want to get a place with me anymore. He said that he does want to still but when he brought it up to me, he meant he wanted to get a place in the future and there's no timeline. In his head, it will happen eventually and I shouldn't be worried (????? WTF). Anyways, I decided to drop it and give him the benefit of the doubt.
He also early on told me how excited he was for when we go to his home country, how we'll go in the next year, how he needs to take me there. A week or two ago, an opportunity came up where he would be in a nearby country for business and I would be on a break from school. We talked about me going with him and then going to his home country after for a bit. Yesterday, I asked him about it and he started to express doubts, saying he's never taken a girl home before... Keep in mind: 1) I have already met his parents and brothers more than once. 2) This man has only dated one other person, and it was in high school. 3) This man has been talking about taking me there as soon as its convenient since we started dating.
I'm worried given my past with parental narcissistic abuse that I'm not able to see clearly whether I'm experiencing it or not in my relationship. Prior to this relationship, I always pursued men that were emotionally distant and whose love I had to earn because it felt safer (and mirrored my relationship with my absent parent). This is the first time I've dated someone who consistently showed interest in me. I thought this was healthier and that I was recalibrating my dating patterns, but now I'm starting to have doubts. I'm feeling like I can't trust his word anymore. I'm starting to wonder if he's been future faking me. What do you guys think? Any tips on what I should be looking out for in the future?

I (28F) have known my partner, David (29M) for 5 years now, which includes an 8-month period in which we were broken up and I was in a serious relationship with another man, Luke (30M).
Before I met Luke, my relationship with David was suffering from a ton of very textbook communication issues. I won’t go into too much detail, but here’s an example. Whenever I tried to do something nice for him, he would guilt me for trying to make him feel bad because he would not do nice things for me (he was depressed at the time so that’s why it made sense to him). Or rather than talk about our feelings in a healthy manner (I-statements), we would blame each other. It was messy and resentment grew in our relationship. I used to cry a lot.
This was exactly the time I met Luke, who is a relative of my stepmother through her late husband before she married my dad. My stepmom was renting out a portion of my dad’s and hers marital home to Luke and one night she invited me to dinner with all of them. Luke instantly drew me in. He was a child’s psychologist and since I also work with small children, we had so much in common. We had an amazing conversation that evening and I learnt he had a great insight into people. I could not put my finger on it instantly, but it felt so refreshing meeting someone like him. When I shared that I met Luke with my then boyfriend David, he accused me of cheating on him and acted extremely possessive about me which angered me because I didn’t do anything wrong.
Having Luke around was more frequent now since I am close to my stepmother. Maybe because my relationship with David was getting so bad, I projected a lot of my fantasy on Luke, unconsciously. I never meant to get emotionally close with him, and as soon as I realised I was developing feelings for another man, I ended my relationship with David. That very week, Luke asked me out and our relationship blossomed. We moved too fast. He was incredible and after 5 months of dating, we moved in together. However, he does not want kids of his own and I realised we were incompatible ultimately and we broke up amicably. I should admit that despite our incompatibility, there was a lot of genuine love in our relationship and he is going to be one of the “great loves” I have experienced in my life.
I remained single for a whole year, and David reached out. He was doing better mentally now and we went for couple’s therapy as well and are in a good place now when it comes to communicating maturely. However, he cannot seem to navigate his insecurity of how I “left him for Luke”, and he wants me to say that I regret being with Luke. As hard as it is on David, I do not regret meeting Luke. David and I were bad for each other back then and we were different people. I see that the way life lead us apart, and now together, we have grown so much. Yes, it’s true, that while being with David, I fell in love with Luke, and I do not believe in the concept of “love of my life”. David also feels insecure because I never moved in with him, but I moved in with Luke. However that’s an unfair comparison because no 2 relationships are equal.
David is now upset and acting jealous, what should I do?

An excerpt from the upcoming thesis on the counter theory to the rise of MAGA.
1. The Radicalization Of Evangelicalism
With Evangelicals intense support and influence over the MAGA movement and far right, my friend put together some research to ask one simple question.
"What if the Evangelicals weren't always like this? What if someone made them loose their way? What if they even once supported things like abortion?"
a. Evangelicals were not always on the far right, their people, pastors and community even previously recommended abortion bills. “Financial capability” was even an approved reason, by Gods will, to engage with abortion. Yet one man, Jerry Falwell, a segregationist, would push for modernization and mobilization of the evangelical far right movement. Apparently, he knew better than every pastor in the history of that religion.
Politico Abortion History Right White Evangelical
ASA3 Article by the Christian Medical Society of historical Abortion Stances
b. Near 1980 he launched his “Moral majority” group and “I Love America” rallies. He said he felt he saw a serious lacking in general morality in the country and was trying to save it. The Moral Majority was promoted as being pro-life, pro-traditional family, pro-moral, and pro-American. Which are all hallmarks of the Republican party and MAGA today.
Wiki Moral Majority
c. Fallwell pushed for conservative politics so much that it led Billy Graham, a widely respected and well-known evangelical preacher, to criticize him for “sermonizing” about political issues that lacked a moral element.
Centerforpolitics On Farwell Sr History “Poisonous” To Republican GOP

d. Graham, unlike Falwell, insisted on racial integration and even invited Martin Luther King to preach with him at a revival in New York City.
e. However, Fallwell, a televangelist Christian, would make the odd alliance with Weyrich, a Roman Catholic, to help get “religion back into politics” to fight the imaginary enemy of “secular humanism.” Even though Falwell’s father was an atheist and from a line of criminals and drunks.
Cnn Opinion Weyrich Catholics Protestants
f. Beyond intense homophobic, racist and misogynistic comments, Falwell preached, “The idea religion and politics don’t mix was invented by the Devil to prevent Christians from running their own country.” For your review, I’ve attached some “Devil Worshipers.”
Vanityfair Inside Jerry Falwell Jr Unlikely Rise And Precipitous Fall
Standford LawSchool Founding Fathers Separation Of Church And State
g. In the 1990s that imaginary attack on religion of “separation of church and state” was called “political correctness.” With Bill O’Reilly even claiming that Christmas was ‘under siege’ in 2004 by “secular progressives.”
h. In the mid-1990s Falwell also promoted the Clinton Chronicles, a right wing propaganda video that accused the Clinton’s of excessive crimes all the way up to murder.
i. The ‘Falwells’ founded Liberty University and became puritan punishers and fined and ruined peoples academic lives for failing to live up to their “elite moral standards.” Few people understand how much harm academic death can cause someone and how likely suicide can become. Some of these sins included merely being in the same room as the opposite sex or drinking. Contrasted by the Falwell’s criminal family history and Jr’s claim his father had consistently openly drank and partied with friends before marriage. His father even apparently broke up a marriage to later claim his wife, Macel. His main tactic was incepting love letters, which was a federal crime for each instance.
j. Jerry Jr would also reveal, “He became a different person to build a church and a school.”
k. In 1988 the Falwells nearly lost everything due to Sr’s financial mismanagement to the tune of millions of dollars. While it’s claimed that his son helped reorganize things, restructure debts and find new funding sources, there doesn’t appear to be any articles on where those funding sources came from.
Vanityfair Inside Jerry Falwell Jr Unlikely Rise And Precipitous Fall
l. On 9/11 Fallwell Sr even said, “"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"
While other evangelicals said it was impossible to know which punishments god gave for which sins. Fallwell would later claim those words were taken “out of context.” That’s funny when it seemed like he was specifically talking to them in that moment.
Huffpost Jerry Falwell 911 Remarks
TheGuardian On Farwells 9/11 Claim
m. It would be ironic that his son, after years of advocating for purity and monogamy, would himself engage in a messy seven-year affair that shocked the evangelical community. This scandal, along with other minor scandals and financial misconduct involving tax-free financial benefits to friends from the university, starkly contrasted with the values he publicly demanded. Although the affair appeared to be consensual among the involved parties, it was overshadowed by other, less publicized but more concerning alleged crimes. Additionally, despite his minimal evangelical conviction, he was thrust into an intense spotlight that would ultimately contribute to his downfall.
NPR An Affair That Felled Evangelist Jerry Falwell Jr S Career
Politico Jerry Falwell Liberty University Loans
n. It's ironic that Jerry Jr., who initially had no prior relationship with Donald Trump, would become the first evangelical leader to endorse him in 2016. This endorsement came just two months after the death of his evangelical brother, raising some suspicion to his sudden ‘change of heart.’ Reports suggest that the endorsement was part of a quid pro quo with Michael Cohen to conceal an affair casting an additional shadow over evangelicals.
However, there was a silver lining when 2,000 members of Liberty University, where Jerry Jr. was a leading figure, signed a petition for his removal, showing a commitment to integrity within the university community.
o. Add to all that, concerning comments like tweeting he would only wear a mask that had “Governor Blackface” on it, in the wake of George Floyd. Although this was arguably during his “self-destruct” phase.
Politico Jerry Falwell Trump Liberty University
p. Then, upon reflection, he insisted his fall was due to endorsing Donald Trump, and not his own sins.
People How Jerry Falwell Jr Is Connected To Donald Trump
In Summary:
Jerry Falwell Sr.'s commitment to a strict evangelical approach was deeply influenced by his desire to reshape the moral landscape and possibly counteract the less savory aspects of his family's history. His vision radicalized evangelicalism, aligning it closely with far-right politics, a transformation that had lasting impacts on American political and religious culture.
Jerry Falwell Jr., however, doesn't appear to have had any widely recognized issues with racism or segregation prior to 2020, which marks a stark contrast with the controversies that exploded around him later. His leadership at Liberty University seemed to embody the ultra-conservative values his father espoused, but his personal scandals, particularly the affair with the pool boy, starkly contradicted the public persona he projected. This scandal was particularly poignant given his father's harsh stance against similar moral failings in others, highlighting a deep hypocrisy that often went unremarked in less prominent families.
The ominous saga of the Falwell’s underscores the complex dynamics within evangelical circles, where there has been a tension between public morality and private behavior. It suggests a need for a reevaluation of how evangelical leaders engage with politics and society, advocating for a return to core values that emphasize personal integrity and humility over public condemnation of others' imperfections.
This also raises broader questions about the path forward for evangelical communities. There might be merit in considering a separation of church and state interests as it’s founders supported. Such changes could potentially help the evangelical movement find a more sustainable and less divisive role in modern society, avoiding the pitfalls that ensnared the Falwells.
As a refresher, here’s some Jesus:

Matthew 5:43-48 (NIV)

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?
47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?
48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

And for those who follow the path of the fallen after learning of this, you’re not following the path of God, you’re following the path of the fallen angel.

u/neodestiny

TLDR: boyfriend’s ex coworker and her boyfriend have been hanging out with my boyfriend and I. My boyfriend has gotten much closer to her boyfriend. I’m very hestitant of her because she has some self absorbed characteristics and over talks for hours. I feel like she hasn’t tried to get to know me at all. But she has extreme anxiety and insecurities. She got annoyed with my boyfriend because he didn’t invite her while he was out with other friends and she was home alone because her boyfriend is away. She kind of got me involved in that situation. We have set plans with her but the dramatics really turned me off. My boyfriend thinks we should go because he wants to continue being on great terms with her boyfriend. I’ve had bad experiences with previous draining and toxic friendships and want to be careful with who I hang with. I’m questioning if I’m being too hard on her and quick to rule her out.
Boyfriend met this girl at his last job and they became good work friends. They bonded quickly because her and I come from the same country. She confided in him in her dating life and says that he helped her through some things she was going through. I was well aware of this work friendship and know that it’s been just strictly platonic all around. I was actually really excited about potentially meeting a new friend. I’ve outgrown and have gotten rid of my old longtime toxic circle due to me not being a heavy partier anymore and just having 0 patience for passive aggressiveness and mean girl behavior. I just really wish to create a new circle of women that are supportive, working on themselves, and accepting. The very few women I’ve befriended like that all moved. It’s very hard to meet local women like that.
After he left that job, we got to hang out with her and her new boyfriend. It’s been really fun double dates and we’ve even hung out in larger group settings. My boyfriend has actually gotten very close to her boyfriend and they talk a lot more than he talks to her.
However, I feel like I can’t really get close to her because I feel like she doesn’t make an effort to actually get to know me. Her boyfriend has made way more of an effort than she has. Also just a few red flags which I’m not sure if I’m overthinking and maybe just not giving her a fair chance: talks A LOT. And never ever compliments me or other women. One time she insisted on her and her bf crashing a quality time date that my boyfriend and I had planned, even though he told her that we were doing one on one time together. When I hung out with her and another friend, she talked about herself for 3 hours straight of the lunch. The other friend told us how she recently got laid off and was very worried because she wasn’t getting hired at interviews, I didn’t like that this girl began to talk about how perfect her new job that she just got an offer for is. Proceeded to talk about this new job, her relationship insecurities, and herself forever. I gathered from what she talked about is that she actually might be extremely anxious and an overthinker from said anxiety. I kind of just excused that and wanted to give her another chance one on one. We went to dinner together but she talked a lot about herself. She was really anxious about her relationship and spoke mostly about that. I felt like although I did get to share more about myself this time, I felt so drained after this hang out. I just took her over talking as the fact that she’s probably very lonely because all of her close friends live in other states and countries is all.
Fast forward to now, her boyfriend has been away on a business trip and she messaged my boyfriend to try to make plans with us both. Unfortunately we couldn’t those dates and we just set something up for another date. She then sees on Instagram that my boyfriend was out with his friends on a GUYS night. He reposted a picture with his buddies…she kind of freaked out on him because he didn’t invite her knowing that she’s been so lonely lately and got upset because she feels like he prefers her boyfriend over her. He told her that it would be really weird if he invited her to a guy’s night given that I wasn’t even invited to that and I wouldn’t be there. She continuously texted hin and he just kept ignoring her messages. She then messages me after I got off the phone with him after he told me what happened. The vibe was so weird at first, it’s like she was trying to tell me that she was very successful and celebrating about her new job alone? Idk if this was a way to get me to feel bad that I hadn’t taken anymore initiative to hang out with her myself. And the she asked me if I would get mad if she hung out with my boyfriend at a group setting to which I said no not in a group setting but a guys night would be different because none of the wives or girlfriends in that group get invited. So yeah, I’d be annoyed if she got invited to that over me. I feel like she didn’t really get it though, she anxiously texted me how she feels like my boyfriend chose her boyfriend over her and she feels like if they were to break up she’d lose her friends. I get it, she’s got her own issues going on and stuff. But man, this just left a bad taste in my mouth because it reminded me of an old self absorbed and controlling friend that I had. I also felt like she came across kind of entitled to my boyfriends time and friendship if that makes any sense.
My boyfriend ended up hashing things out with her and thinks we should still continue with our old plans with her because he really wants to keep his friendship with her boyfriend. My boyfriend also works in mental health so he’s very understanding that she’s just got issues and is just anxious. I’m just so turned off by everything the more I look back and I’ve just been questioning more and more if this is even someone I should want to keep around. I just don’t get it, I personally would never hassle a male friend that is in a committed relationship to hang out with me whether I’m single or not. I’m also questioning that I could just being way too hard of her due to my own past experiences with controlling and toxic friends.

She's an awesome friend. How do I let her down romantically?
I'm currently seeing someone romantically, but lately we've been quite distant, more like no strings attached fwbs. We get out adult fix and go our separate way for days.
When I'm alone, I like to hike and rock climb, but this is dangerous. Recently, a girl slid in my dms asking me out to dinner, but I let her know I was currently in a relationship (not really, just didn't find myself attracted to her off the bat).
A month goes by and I post myself rock climbing alone, and coincidentally she's a solo climber too. What's the harm for a climbing buddy? If I fell at least someone would know. We met up, had an amazing day, then went our way. My gf/fwb hates the outdoors so it's always been me alone until now.
We've had a few of these adventures since, and I noticed her doing things like touching my arm, walking really close to me, constantly smiling at me, sending me cute emojis, good morning every day, still inviting me to dinner (paid). You'd think she was my wife and soul mate. I appreciate how she cares about me - my car broke down and she gave me rides to work for a week no questions asked since we work nearby and my fwb is a half hour in the opposite direction.
But I'm not physically attracted to her, like at all :( she mentioned she was bullied badly and I really want to be careful with how I dial this back. It's puzzling because she's aware of the other woman, but feels like she's trying to steal me?
Everything about us lines up like the perfect couple but it's not what I want with her - just platonic adventure buddies. no other woman has treated me like this to "just be friends".

I know it was your first relationship. At 28, you had already been through so much, having been on your own for 13 years. You were forced to grow up too fast, and had to prioritize yourself, building a life from nothing. I get it. It was your fierce independence that made me fall for you in the first place.
I always knew that trying to build a life with you was going to be a struggle. I thought it would be worth it, for both of us. You deserve to have someone in your corner, that always has your back. You shouldn’t have to be alone. I don’t know if you believed the same.
I think I gave up too much of myself for you. Was that my mistake or yours? Did you really ask for too much, or did I give too freely without expectation for anything in return? Maybe both. Probably more on me. I’m not perfect by a long shot.
Compromise. It really does all come down to that. I tried to show you its importance, but in the process I ended up being the only one willing to do it. Me getting to pick what movie we watched or getting to plan a date became something I only got to do on special occasions. You said you felt like you didn’t know me, but so many times in so many ways I offered up little pieces of me to you. I share myself by sharing the things I love with the people I love. But more and more towards the end, all you’d say was “no”. Ignoring any context. Ignoring those pieces of me.
I know you don’t like movies about kids. I know asking to watch Home Alone during Christmas was a big ask. But it was a tradition that I shared with my dad, who I lost just over a year before. I know you think that traditions are pointless, but it was important to me. My earliest memories are of that. I needed to continue on, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone. I needed you there, your support. It was such a small gesture I was asking of you, but all I got was “no”. Instead we watched a movie you picked: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. A movie made by the exact same people that made Home Alone, and with even more kids.
We wanted to go to Ireland. Personally I’ve been wanting to go for years, but couldn’t because of my dad’s illness along with everything else going on. You knew that in the last 3 years I lost all of my grandparents, two uncles, my dad. I couldn’t risk going so far away for so long while everyone was sick. My mom saw me giving up the latter half of my 20s for my family, when she was hoping I would be enjoying life and seeing the world. That’s why she was happy to give us the money to have the trip of our dreams. I explained all of this to you while you were struggling to find a way to save for the trip. All my mom wanted in return was a single nice photo of us. That wasn’t even a requirement for the money. She just wanted to see me with the person that I love making our dreams come true. I know you hate having your picture taken. The only attention your dad ever gave you was when he wanted to test a new camera. It’s a trauma trigger. But I was only asking for one picture. You’d compromise for your friends, you’d compromise for your sister. You’d take pictures with them. Why wouldn’t you compromise for your partner, and the other most important person in your partners life? After a year, we have 3 pictures together, none of which are very good. I know that I was asking for a lot, but I felt so less important than everyone else in your life. Maybe you felt that as your partner, I was to be held to a higher standard? I honestly don’t know. All you said was “no”.
You admitted yourself I was so supportive. I always prioritized you. From always making your tea before mine, to giving you the better looking plate at dinner, to planting all of your favorite flowers in my garden. I always complemented you, how smart you are, how beautiful you are, how driven and independent you are. Your friend needed a ride to a 5k and someone to cheer them on? I was there. You needed someone to drive you around while your car was in the shop for 2 months? No problem. Accidentally overdrew your account again, and you couldn’t afford the late fees? Here’s $50. Need to move on short notice? I’m the guy tearing apart and moving your furniture. You have a migraine so bad you can’t eat? I’m bringing you pedialyte and sleeping on your couch, even though I didn’t actually get any sleep. I learned all your rituals so not to trigger your OCD. There are countless other examples. I never said no. I never complained. You rarely said so much as “thank you”.
The big one. The thing that ended us. You’re right, we did sit down like adults time and time again and talked things out. You said you needed me to anticipate your needs. You’d get overwhelmed, and couldn’t articulate what you needed from me. You couldn’t stand being asked what you needed. You just needed me to start helping. “Mental loads” and all that. I took that to heart. But I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’d miss the mark. Tried to support you, but in the wrong way. Even in my failures I showed effort, but you never seemed to see that. You only focused on how I failed.
We recognized that this was a problem caused by both of us. The communication wasn’t getting through. But I had already adapted to your communication style as much as I could. My exited, rambling, almost impulsive way of generating ideas became slow, methodical, thoughtful. I put intention behind everything so not to overwhelm you. I learned not to jump at the obvious solution.
Yes, we sat down like adults and talked things over time and time again. You told me what you needed from me, but I also told you what I needed from you. If I was missing the mark, please just guide me to what you needed. I’m not a mind reader. I did it for you all the time. You were honestly awful at anticipating my needs too. If I was venting, had a bad day, all you’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. So I had to show you how I needed support. I just needed you to do the same for me. “No”. Again.
One final time, I sent you words of support when you were having a bad day. It wasn’t enough, you wanted more. A phone call? For me to come over so you could vent in person? Did you actually want me to directly help for once? I don’t know. You never told me. Instead of guiding me to what you needed, you immediately shut down. Full silent treatment. I’ve been in abusive relationships where the silent treatment was welded as a weapon. I know you didn’t mean it in an abusive way, you were just overwhelmed again. But I never expected it from you. I didn’t see it for what it was. I only ever asked one thing from you to save us. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I wasn’t even asking you to put in effort on my behalf, it was for your benefit. I begged you time and time again for help. To communicate. Not to put it all on me, because I couldn’t do it on my own. But instead, you did the opposite.
You said that you felt like you were putting more effort into the relationship than I was. I’m sorry, but I can’t see that effort. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t. Maybe you mean you put effort into forgiving me every time I messed up? Maybe you mean that you were always planning dates, always picking what we watched, where we went, what we ate, what we drank? Again, mental loads and such. But I had things that I wanted to do and share with you that you always turned down. You only had to plan everything after my plans were rejected. It would have been more efficient for you to show love, patience, and compromise. Maybe we would have worked out then.
But you left instead.

I'm currently seeing someone romantically, but lately we've been quite distant, more like no strings attached fwbs. We get out adult fix and go our separate way for days.
When I'm alone, I like to hike and rock climb, but this is dangerous. Recently, a girl slid in my dms asking me out to dinner, but I let her know I was currently in a relationship (not really, just didn't find myself attracted to her off the bat).
A month goes by and I post myself rock climbing alone, and coincidentally she's a solo climber too. What's the harm for a climbing buddy? If I fell at least someone would know. We met up, had an amazing day, then went our way. My gf/fwb hates the outdoors so it's always been me alone until now.
We've had a few of these adventures since, and I noticed her doing things like touching my arm, walking really close to me, constantly smiling at me, sending me cute emojis, good morning every day, still inviting me to dinner (paid). You'd think she was my wife and soul mate. I appreciate how she cares about me - my car broke down and she gave me rides to work for a week no questions asked since we work nearby and my fwb is a half hour in the opposite direction.
But I'm not physically attracted to her, like at all :( she mentioned she was bullied badly and I really want to be careful with how I dial this back. It's puzzling because she's aware of the other woman, but feels like she's trying to steal me?
Everything about us lines up like the perfect couple but it's not what I want with her - just platonic adventure buddies. no other woman has treated me like this to "just be friends".

Edit: If you are going to comment on the length of this post, please don't. This is not a simple snark but rather an actual critical think piece about feminism and Taylor Swift.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

So I met this guy on a trip to Paris two weeks ago, and this weekend he came to visit me in Amsterdam (where I live). He booked a hotel and stayed two days, we went for dinner and brunch and visited some museums. No sex yet of course. After the weekend he invited me back to Paris for another date this or next week…
So while I was enjoying all of this, I started wondering if this man is just looking for a summer fling or if he could actually see this distance thing having a future.
Normally, so early on, I wouldn’t initiate that kind of talk, but I did anyway yesterday on the phone. If I’ll be visiting him abroad I want to have some sort of idea of what to expect.
He basically freaked out. Said it was very early to talk about serious things. I argued that him coming to visit me is a seemingly serious step, and inviting me right back is as well. There are women everywhere, he didn’t need to come to Amsterdam to date one (I wouldn’t have).
So now the whole thing has cooled down and I don’t know what to think. I wasn’t trying to define the relationship or asking him to be my boyfriend god forbid, I was just asking him what his thoughts were, also to possibly clarify that I don’t have sex outside of a serious relationship.
What do you guys think?

I (41M) matched with her (28F) a couple of weeks ago and hit it off, she was the first to offer her phone number so we could chat outside the app. We chatted constantly with great banter and vested interest. Set up a date for last weekend (Sunday). She lives 2 hrs away but I was overdue for a road trip and was glad to find an excuse to get out of town. I suggested we go somewhere pretty and have a picnic (we're in the PNW so there's plenty of that) and settled on a beautiful park. I offered to pick her up but after a conversation she said she felt better if we just arrived in separate cars because she wanted the option of an "exit strategy" in case the "vibe wasn't there". I respected her boundaries and complied, it was our first meeting and I am completely flexible and respectful. I was raised a gentleman (Hispanic background) and I think chivalry is not dead. Not trying to virtue signal, just think being a decent person should be the norm and traditional values are not seen much these days. The day before, I went all over town getting goodies (charc, cheese, wine, fruit, wine, et al) to cover everything she'd told me she liked so we could have lots of options. I got to the park and we instantly hit it off, found a nice bench and had a lot of fun getting to know each other with good conversation, food, wine, laughter and eventually making out, which was wonderful. I told her I really liked our day and was willing to set time for her to keep hanging out, and that if she was down I would be back next weekend and get an Airbnb. I didn't just want to assume I could invite myself over to her house without her specifically being open to it and asking me so she wouldn't feel pressured. She was completely on board and I drove back home feeling really happy and excited. She wrote me back saying "so next week, we have some things to discuss. Really just one thing, but if we are going to continue spending time together it's important information. You should know that I have HSV. And I know that would give me pause, so I understand if that's a dealbreaker for you." I told her that it's not, and that I trusted she had a handle on it, and thanked her for being transparent . To which she said she definitely did have a handle on it. She sends me a picture of her and her mom when she was a baby so I could see how much she looks like her, it was her mom breastfeeding her "which is probably an overshare" to which I said not to worry and thank you for sharing that with me. I shared a picture of my mom so she could see the resemblance as well in return. Monday rolls around and she sends me a little video of her at work looking cute, had a little bit of texting back and forth and the rest of the day no further contact. She usually would text me after work when she'd free up and we talked till we called it a day, which was happening for at least a week before we even met in person. I sent her a trailer for a series we talked about, telling her to watch season 1 and I'd save season 2 to watch it together. No reply. This morning still no communication. I figured she was busy so I went ahead and booked the Airbnb for this weekend. Not 10 minutes go by after that that she texts me saying "I'm not sure we should hang out this week" I replied with "Really? ooof just booked the Airbnb, What's up? Sorry, I should've asked you" To which she replied "I'm just feeling sick, and frankly, I'm not sure if the attraction's mutual" To which I said "Oh wow. Didn't seem that way on Sunday. What changed? Just trying to understand." She wrote me back saying "Just a little reflection. I like your attention but the it would be disingenuous." Those words. Confusing. I answered "The it?" And she says "Sorry, brain fog. I am quite sick." I told her "Hmm ok. Hope you feel better. I'd be grateful if you could clear it up when you're up for it." I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because I really did feel good chemistry when we spent the day together, but part of me is saying that I'm simping and to let it go. I'm losing my trust in women and I feel very sad about it. I'd already erased the dating apps as soon as I got home that day because I thought I found someone worth investing my time with. We really did hit it off when we met, talked about making plans together and I really felt this was heading somewhere positive.
Dating sucks and as much as I really am making an effort nothing seems to stick. A similar situation happened about a month ago with another lady who at first seemed very invested and then just lost interest. By no means trying to put myself as a victim here and if anything writing it down helped me process so if you read so far thank you and if it relates to anything you've been through just want to say you're not alone.
TL;DR thought I really hit it off with a lady that gave me all the signs it was mutual down to making plans together and she pulled a 180º.

I know it was your first relationship. At 28, you had already been through so much, having been on your own for 13 years. You were forced to grow up too fast, and had to prioritize yourself, building a life from nothing. I get it. It was your fierce independence that made me fall for you in the first place.
I always knew that trying to build a life with you was going to be a struggle. I thought it would be worth it, for both of us. You deserve to have someone in your corner, that always has your back. You shouldn’t have to be alone. I don’t know if you believed the same.
I think I gave up too much of myself for you. Was that my mistake or yours? Did you really ask for too much, or did I give too freely without expectation for anything in return? Maybe both. Probably more on me. I’m not perfect by a long shot.
Compromise. It really does all come down to that. I tried to show you its importance, but in the process I ended up being the only one willing to do it. Me getting to pick what movie we watched or getting to plan a date became something I only got to do on special occasions. You said you felt like you didn’t know me, but so many times in so many ways I offered up little pieces of me to you. I share myself by sharing the things I love with the people I love. But more and more towards the end, all you’d say was “no”. Ignoring any context. Ignoring those pieces of me.
I know you don’t like movies about kids. I know asking to watch Home Alone during Christmas was a big ask. But it was a tradition that I shared with my dad, who I lost just over a year before. I know you think that traditions are pointless, but it was important to me. My earliest memories are of that. I needed to continue on, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone. I needed you there, your support. It was such a small gesture I was asking of you, but all I got was “no”. Instead we watched a movie you picked: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. A movie made by the exact same people that made Home Alone, and with even more kids.
We wanted to go to Ireland. Personally I’ve been wanting to go for years, but couldn’t because of my dad’s illness along with everything else going on. You knew that in the last 3 years I lost all of my grandparents, two uncles, my dad. I couldn’t risk going so far away for so long while everyone was sick. My mom saw me giving up the latter half of my 20s for my family, when she was hoping I would be enjoying life and seeing the world. That’s why she was happy to give us the money to have the trip of our dreams. I explained all of this to you while you were struggling to find a way to save for the trip. All my mom wanted in return was a single nice photo of us. That wasn’t even a requirement for the money. She just wanted to see me with the person that I love making our dreams come true. I know you hate having your picture taken. The only attention your dad ever gave you was when he wanted to test a new camera. It’s a trauma trigger. But I was only asking for one picture. You’d compromise for your friends, you’d compromise for your sister. You’d take pictures with them. Why wouldn’t you compromise for your partner, and the other most important person in your partners life? After a year, we have 3 pictures together, none of which are very good. I know that I was asking for a lot, but I felt so less important than everyone else in your life. Maybe you felt that as your partner, I was to be held to a higher standard? I honestly don’t know. All you said was “no”.
You admitted yourself I was so supportive. I always prioritized you. From always making your tea before mine, to giving you the better looking plate at dinner, to planting all of your favorite flowers in my garden. I always complemented you, how smart you are, how beautiful you are, how driven and independent you are. Your friend needed a ride to a 5k and someone to cheer them on? I was there. You needed someone to drive you around while your car was in the shop for 2 months? No problem. Accidentally overdrew your account again, and you couldn’t afford the late fees? Here’s $50. Need to move on short notice? I’m the guy tearing apart and moving your furniture. You have a migraine so bad you can’t eat? I’m bringing you pedialyte and sleeping on your couch, even though I didn’t actually get any sleep. I learned all your rituals so not to trigger your OCD. There are countless other examples. I never said no. I never complained. You rarely said so much as “thank you”.
The big one. The thing that ended us. You’re right, we did sit down like adults time and time again and talked things out. You said you needed me to anticipate your needs. You’d get overwhelmed, and couldn’t articulate what you needed from me. You couldn’t stand being asked what you needed. You just needed me to start helping. “Mental loads” and all that. I took that to heart. But I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’d miss the mark. Tried to support you, but in the wrong way. Even in my failures I showed effort, but you never seemed to see that. You only focused on how I failed.
We recognized that this was a problem caused by both of us. The communication wasn’t getting through. But I had already adapted to your communication style as much as I could. My exited, rambling, almost impulsive way of generating ideas became slow, methodical, thoughtful. I put intention behind everything so not to overwhelm you. I learned not to jump at the obvious solution.
Yes, we sat down like adults and talked things over time and time again. You told me what you needed from me, but I also told you what I needed from you. If I was missing the mark, please just guide me to what you needed. I’m not a mind reader. I did it for you all the time. You were honestly awful at anticipating my needs too. If I was venting, had a bad day, all you’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. So I had to show you how I needed support. I just needed you to do the same for me. “No”. Again.
One final time, I sent you words of support when you were having a bad day. It wasn’t enough, you wanted more. A phone call? For me to come over so you could vent in person? Did you actually want me to directly help for once? I don’t know. You never told me. Instead of guiding me to what you needed, you immediately shut down. Full silent treatment. I’ve been in abusive relationships where the silent treatment was welded as a weapon. I know you didn’t mean it in an abusive way, you were just overwhelmed again. But I never expected it from you. I didn’t see it for what it was. I only ever asked one thing from you to save us. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I wasn’t even asking you to put in effort on my behalf, it was for your benefit. I begged you time and time again for help. To communicate. Not to put it all on me, because I couldn’t do it on my own. But instead, you did the opposite.
You said that you felt like you were putting more effort into the relationship than I was. I’m sorry, but I can’t see that effort. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t. Maybe you mean you put effort into forgiving me every time I messed up? Maybe you mean that you were always planning dates, always picking what we watched, where we went, what we ate, what we drank? Again, mental loads and such. But I had things that I wanted to do and share with you that you always turned down. You only had to plan everything after my plans were rejected. It would have been more efficient for you to show love, patience, and compromise. Maybe we would have worked out then.
But then you left.

New player and don't know what to do? Don't know which class to play? Don't know which gear to upgrade? Don't know which tree to sap?
Join MaleficMermaid today so you don't have to go on Reddit and ask about it. We will help you!
**Requirements:**All players are welcome to join as long as you are nice and well-behaved.
Benefits:

• All guild buffs + Active buffs popped frequently (The giga expensive one)
• Daily wage with max day
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• Casual T1/T2 Nodewar
• Practice/Custom AoS
• Guild League
• Teach you how to PvP + what to do in NW
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• Super duper helpful discord with best collection of updated guides for new players: CpdhV93mnf
• Cute & seiso GM that can be your internet mommy!
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• You can leave when you are ready for your next step or you don't think your GM is cute anymore o(TヘTo)

How to join:

• Whisper Loufiere in game or discord for invite
• Apply via guild menu in Life tab
• Join our super helpful discord: CpdhV93mnf Even if you are not interest in joining the guild, You are always welcome to join our discord and ask about anything related to BDO! See you there!

I know it was your first relationship. At 28, you had already been through so much, having been on your own for 13 years. You were forced to grow up too fast, and had to prioritize yourself, building a life from nothing. I get it. It was your fierce independence that made me fall for you in the first place.
I always knew that trying to build a life with you was going to be a struggle. I thought it would be worth it, for both of us. You deserve to have someone in your corner, that always has your back. You shouldn’t have to be alone. I don’t know if you believed the same.
I think I gave up too much of myself for you. Was that my mistake or yours? Did you really ask for too much, or did I give too freely without expectation for anything in return? Maybe both. Probably more on me. I’m not perfect by a long shot.
Compromise. It really does all come down to that. I tried to show you its importance, but in the process I ended up being the only one willing to do it. Me getting to pick what movie we watched or getting to plan a date became something I only got to do on special occasions. You said you felt like you didn’t know me, but so many times in so many ways I offered up little pieces of me to you. I share myself by sharing the things I love with the people I love. But more and more towards the end, all you’d say was “no”. Ignoring any context. Ignoring those pieces of me.
I know you don’t like movies about kids. I know asking to watch Home Alone during Christmas was a big ask. But it was a tradition that I shared with my dad, who I lost just over a year before. I know you think that traditions are pointless, but it was important to me. My earliest memories are of that. I needed to continue on, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone. I needed you there, your support. It was such a small gesture I was asking of you, but all I got was “no”. Instead we watched a movie you picked: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. A movie made by the exact same people that made Home Alone, and with even more kids.
We wanted to go to Ireland. Personally I’ve been wanting to go for years, but couldn’t because of my dad’s illness along with everything else going on. You knew that in the last 3 years I lost all of my grandparents, two uncles, my dad. I couldn’t risk going so far away for so long while everyone was sick. My mom saw me giving up the latter half of my 20s for my family, when she was hoping I would be enjoying life and seeing the world. That’s why she was happy to give us the money to have the trip of our dreams. I explained all of this to you while you were struggling to find a way to save for the trip. All my mom wanted in return was a single nice photo of us. That wasn’t even a requirement for the money. She just wanted to see me with the person that I love making our dreams come true. I know you hate having your picture taken. The only attention your dad ever gave you was when he wanted to test a new camera. It’s a trauma trigger. But I was only asking for one picture. You’d compromise for your friends, you’d compromise for your sister. You’d take pictures with them. Why wouldn’t you compromise for your partner, and the other most important person in your partners life? After a year, we have 3 pictures together, none of which are very good. I know that I was asking for a lot, but I felt so less important than everyone else in your life. Maybe you felt that as your partner, I was to be held to a higher standard? I honestly don’t know. All you said was “no”.
You admitted yourself I was so supportive. I always prioritized you. From always making your tea before mine, to giving you the better looking plate at dinner, to planting all of your favorite flowers in my garden. I always complemented you, how smart you are, how beautiful you are, how driven and independent you are. Your friend needed a ride to a 5k and someone to cheer them on? I was there. You needed someone to drive you around while your car was in the shop for 2 months? No problem. Accidentally overdrew your account again, and you couldn’t afford the late fees? Here’s $50. Need to move on short notice? I’m the guy tearing apart and moving your furniture. You have a migraine so bad you can’t eat? I’m bringing you pedialyte and sleeping on your couch, even though I didn’t actually get any sleep. I learned all your rituals so not to trigger your OCD. There are countless other examples. I never said no. I never complained. You rarely said so much as “thank you”.
The big one. The thing that ended us. You’re right, we did sit down like adults time and time again and talked things out. You said you needed me to anticipate your needs. You’d get overwhelmed, and couldn’t articulate what you needed from me. You couldn’t stand being asked what you needed. You just needed me to start helping. “Mental loads” and all that. I took that to heart. But I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’d miss the mark. Tried to support you, but in the wrong way. Even in my failures I showed effort, but you never seemed to see that. You only focused on how I failed.
We recognized that this was a problem caused by both of us. The communication wasn’t getting through. But I had already adapted to your communication style as much as I could. My exited, rambling, almost impulsive way of generating ideas became slow, methodical, thoughtful. I put intention behind everything so not to overwhelm you. I learned not to jump at the obvious solution.
Yes, we sat down like adults and talked things over time and time again. You told me what you needed from me, but I also told you what I needed from you. If I was missing the mark, please just guide me to what you needed. I’m not a mind reader. I did it for you all the time. You were honestly awful at anticipating my needs too. If I was venting, had a bad day, all you’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. So I had to show you how I needed support. I just needed you to do the same for me. “No”. Again.
One final time, I sent you words of support when you were having a bad day. It wasn’t enough, you wanted more. A phone call? For me to come over so you could vent in person? Did you actually want me to directly help for once? I don’t know. You never told me. Instead of guiding me to what you needed, you immediately shut down. Full silent treatment. I’ve been in abusive relationships where the silent treatment was welded as a weapon. I know you didn’t mean it in an abusive way, you were just overwhelmed again. But I never expected it from you. I didn’t see it for what it was. I only ever asked one thing from you to save us. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I wasn’t even asking you to put in effort on my behalf, it was for your benefit. I begged you time and time again for help. To communicate. Not to put it all on me, because I couldn’t do it on my own. But instead, you did the opposite.
You said that you felt like you were putting more effort into the relationship than I was. I’m sorry, but I can’t see that effort. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t. Maybe you mean you put effort into forgiving me every time I messed up? Maybe you mean that you were always planning dates, always picking what we watched, where we went, what we ate, what we drank? Again, mental loads and such. But I had things that I wanted to do and share with you that you always turned down. You only had to plan everything after my plans were rejected. It would have been more efficient for you to show love, patience, and compromise. Maybe we would have worked out then.
But then you left.
​
​
​

I felt like My husband ( 37) ruined my ( 35 female) Mother's Day and the relationship. We have been together for a few years. Mother's Day was yesterday. On Saturday night he agreed to play basketball on Mother's Day without talking to me first. he agreed to play ball on Sunday and I am upset because the whole day was not about me. I had to stay home with a sick child for 2 hours whole he enjoyed himself playing ball. I talked to him and he said it's for his mental health......I feel like it should have been all about me on Mother's Day. !! When I asked him, he said he does not feel sorry he left and he had dinner planned and that should have been good enough to spend time together. I am literally on the ground of asking for a divorce. WTF!
Timeline: Saturday he agreed with the boys that he would play ball

Saturday he tells me...I don't agree because our son is sick and I would like to feel appreciated and the day be all about me. He invited me to the game, but the last time I was invited to watch him play was years ago and I felt like he said it just so I could calm down.

He said he would take our child and just keep him in the stroller.
Sunday: he get flowers and a card and then leaves a few hours later for the game. We had not talked or spend anytime together that morning. I was pissed and yelled and said what I said above The day should be about me"
He says taking 2 hours out of the day should not even matter....and He doesn't feel sorry he left or left me at me with a sick child.
Today I am ready to loose it and call things off. I just cant. To me it feels like a slap in the face and that I am not a priority. I need help!

My bf and I have been together officially for about 8 months. I noticed that he recently got distant, and I have made a couple of attempts to have a conversation about our relationship, how he feels about it and if it is going anywhere. His response is always along the lines of that he “does not know” and “he is just taking it day by day, / winging it.”
In recent conversations, he has also revealed that he feels I can be “too much,” “too affectionate,” (as he is not very affectionate) and that I ask about our relationship too much. I do not feel I am overly affectionate, I find it odd he never initiates any sort of intimacy..
I also saw a recent text with a friend of his that implied he was going to break up with me, or that he told this friend that he was thinking about ending things, at the very least. So that impacted my trust in the relationship and I have not felt very secure in it. This was a VERY recent conversation, and despite trying to express my feelings and ask him about where things stand (without saying I saw the text) he has just continued to tell me things are fine. Which has been really confusing for me.. Because why tell someone you’re going to end a relationship if you are happy? He has not indicated that anything needs to change.
** I am wondering if I wait for things to change, he did invite me out with his friends and has done things with Me(watch shows together, game, going out to dinners).
Here is a summary of my concerns:
He is never interested in doing things with me, especially my interests. We only do things he would do in his own time or with his friends (ex: golf, bars, certain movie genres)
He never initiates affection, words of affirmation, any love language really. It just makes me feel like he does not like me much. I feel like I have to ask for intimacy
His excuse for this is that “he is not affectionate” but that doesn’t mean he does not care
He never wants to have conversations about our relationship, and has started to get annoyed when I ask for any type of reassurance. (I will say I may have been needing it a bit more since discovering the text, it has made my anxious attachment resurface a bit and I just dont want either of us to be unhappy or be the source of his unhappiness).
I just am not sure how to navigate this, I don’t know if he is just using me at this point, (that is just how it started to feel recently,) .. if I am overthinking, or if he just sees this as more casual than I do? I just wish he would be clear about if he does not see a future, I don’t think it’s wrong at this point to ask if he wants a future with me or not.
TLDR: Partner will not give clear answer as to if there is a future together and does not seem to have any interest in discussing it. Recently I saw a text with his friend implying he wanted to end the relationship but he continues telling me that the relationship is fine. Unsure how to navigate the situation /proceed. I love him and just don't want to be in the dark /limbo if he is "dragging it out" or if the doubts were just an "in the moment" thing

CHARACTER AGENCY

It's ridiculous how passive and honestly "NPC" the other characters in the world are. For an installment in the series that wanted to dip deeper into the "Roleplay" side of things, it's absolutely crucial that CK3 find a way to make the other characters in the world feel like real, living, breathing, and independent people, and it currently falls flat on that.
Here are just some ways that you could improve character agency in the game:

• Characters should be able to push for appointments, regularly. How am I a god that just comes in and names every single knight and court position in the land with not a breath of reaction from my entire court. Do you know how many people would've had the king's ear in this time and been pushing for themselves or their friends or family for these appointments? Think of the court intrigue you've seen in shows like Game of Thrones or Shogun or Succession, now think how well the game captures that feeling. The -40 opinion penalty for major vassals not being on your council is a boring static modifier that doesn't take into account personality and context and only applies to your council, not to court positions or knighthoods. The random events in your Royal Court where people push for appointments are infrequent, pretty random, have little consequence, and are actually entirely optional if you never Hold Court. People should be pushing to fill your different roles regularly and react positively or negatively if you pick people they like or don't like. Here are some examples:
  • People should be able to push for themselves to be appointed, for their friends, for their family, for people they respect, for people of their culture and/or religion, for people with similar personalities to them.
  • People should oppose the appointment of their rivals, people from families their family is feuding with, people they dislike, cultures or religions they oppose, etc.
  • Personality traits should affect who people push for. Deceitful characters may want you to purposely appoint incompetent knights, bodyguards, food tasters, etc. if they dislike you. Zealous characters prioritize religion far above other qualities. Diligent characters prioritize the most competent candidate. Vengeful characters highly oppose their enemies being chosen. Greedy characters prioritize appointments for themselves or their family. Impatient characters will get upset if you leave the position vacant for too long. Trusting characters will only push for candidates they really know well.
• Characters should be able to refuse appointments, or resign from positions. Maybe the talented firstborn son of the king does not wish for the duty to rule and refuses the election to King and instead wishes to spend his days frequenting brothels and fighting in tournaments. Maybe a martially gifted vassal that has huge estates and is living comfortably in his manor off of his rents doesn't want to be appointed as my Marshall and chase and stamp down peasant revolts for a living, so he comes up with an excuse to refuse the appointment. Perhaps I need to change his mind by paying him a visit to persuade him in person, or by hosting a great feast in my hall with him as the honorary guest, or by arranging a marriage between our families. Perhaps my masterful Steward is offended at the lowborns and heathens I have hired into my council, and resigns out of protest. Perhaps my Marshall is ashamed at how badly the last war went under his purview, and resigns out of shame. Perhaps my Chancellor just heard news that his son was killed in a hunting accident back home, and resigns to go spend time on his estate with his family.
• Characters should react to actions the player takes.
  • Won a great battle? Maybe a knight approaches you after the battle wishing to enter your service after hearing of the tale. Maybe your marshall approaches you and congratulates on your generalship. If it was against heathens, maybe the Pope writes you a letter congratulating you on the victory of Christendom. Maybe a vassal approaches you and offers to build a statue in his domain to honour your victory.
  • Declared a new war? Maybe a vassal refuses the call to war citing some excuse, withholding his levies and giving you a reason to punish him in the future. Maybe another vassal joins with his personal troops as well because he is personally interested in success in this war.
  • Built a building in your vassal's land? Your vassal should thank you and like you more.
• Characters should regularly ask for favours from the player, and the player should be able to ask them in return. Maybe a an existing councillor asks that you hire him to another position for which he thinks he is better suited. Perhaps a vassal approaches you with a marriage offer, and in return offers to build a church in your honour. Perhaps a vassal approaches you and asks that you declare war on the country that is raiding their lands, and in return offers to increase his obligations to you. Perhaps a vassal asks that you raise his children with the greater learning available in your court, and in return he will send you his brother to serve as your knight. Perhaps the pope asks you to build a church and in return offers to send you some learned monks and an artifact.
• Characters should regularly travel to visit each other or do things. It seems like the only thing characters beside me do is lead armies, and go on hunts. Why don't my councillors go back to visit their estates? To see their families? Why don't distant family members travel to see each other? To host family reunions?
• The player should be able to consult decisions with other characters. What is the point of my councillors if they never give me counsel? If I am planning on giving out land to new vassals, each of them should be there with suggestions on who I should give it to, or whether I should even give it away at all. And it should not just be my councillors, sometimes these decisions are leaked and my entire court will find out, in which case many courtiers would have their own opinions on what should be done! Maybe one of my guests approaches me and begs I give the land to them due to some ancestral claim. Maybe my food taster during dinner tells me he thinks it should go to my existing vassal X because he manages his current estates so well. And what if I want to host an activity? I should be able to ask my councillors or courtiers which activity they wish for or think would be best to host next. Maybe they have suggestions for where to host it, how to plan it, who to invite, etc. Maybe my marshall wants a tournament but my chaplain wants a pilgrimage. Maybe in my feast, my Steward wants me to invite vassal X but my wife despises him and wishes me not to.

The fact that almost none of these features exist in a meaningful way in the game is kind of ridiculous, for a game that tries so hard to be role-play centered and story-driven. Think about how much we are missing out on because of the lack of agency of characters in the world. Imagine if other characters in the world acted like us as the player character. Think of the story opportunities if features like the above were implemented to make for more independent AI characters.

Apparently enough time has passed since telling our bishop that we no longer believe in the church. We got a knock at the door and it was the elders. They immediately asked if I was Brother Adams (meaning they were sent to us by someone in the ward). I said I was and invited them in.
They essentially shared their latest member message that they recycle through everyone. It was about making the home a spiritual safe haven for our family. They kept asking what we can do daily, weekly, monthly etc to make our home a temple.
We kept skirting around the questions and saying secular things that we're trying to implement in our family. Rituals like eating dinner together without phones, going up the canyon once a week for "FHE" and things like that.
Finally, they pushed so hard and so many times to get a church answer that I said, "Look guys, we don't believe in God anymore so the things we're talking about are all going to be secular spirituality." You should have seen their eyes widen like deer in headlights. Poor guys haha.
I know I was annoying as a missionary but I still feel like I could read the room. These guys could not be swayed from their talk track no matter how many times we gently suggested we weren't going to give church answers.
I feel like missionaries are equipped to deal with investigators and with people who are not going to church because they don't feel like it. I don't think the church equips missionaries very well to deal with people who know all the garbage and made a conscious choice to leave and/or remove their records.