Note: To make it less confusing and for privacy reasons, names of cities/areas are given fake names.
My family and I (25F) are going to be moving to Oakville in the next couple of months. I’m not excited about it. Mainly because I’m going to be farther away from my boyfriend whom I love dearly, but also because I’m going to be extremely lonely once we move.
When I was about 4, my family moved to Stoneway where I spent the majority of my life there. Then, in 2020, we had to move to Grayton (about 32 minutes away from Stoneway). I had to say goodbye to my close friends whom I’ve grown up with since elementary and high school, something I never thought I had to do so that was hard on me emotionally. When we moved to Grayton I was extremely lonely and had a hard time adjusting to the new home. I don't like major changes, and I felt homesick for my old house and friends. I don't know if it's normal to feel that way as an adult, I felt like a kid.
After living in this area for about 4 years, I've gotten used to it. I don't love it, I find the area very boring. I still miss Stoneway. Now, my dad recently found a new workplace, in Oakville. I've never been there, I don't know what the area or people there are like. When I found out that we were going to move again, I looked on google maps to see how far is Oakville from where my boyfriend and our friend group live (Summerdale). And depending on what street we move to, it's about 55 minutes to an hour by car...
While this has pushed me further to get my driver's license, with the way that I am, I'm going to be lonely and unhappy in Oakville. Sure, I could always go visit places alone, but I can only do that so much to the point that I start wishing I had my friends with me. And since my friends are adults, some of them are either still in school or working full-time jobs, and some of them might not be willing to drive that far (gas is hella expensive in my province) or take a bus for 2 hours.
I thought about downloading BumbleBFF, but didn’t because A) the idea of paying money every month just to use an app to make friends sounds weirdly dystopian to me, and B) I’m very cautious over people online/apps because, for all I know, they could be a liar or looking for their next victim.
Some important context: I have mild autism, which affects how I socialize with some people. I’m not a social butterfly but I find that when I’m introduced to/meet the right people, I can keep a conversation going. Another reason that I’m not going to go into why because it’s extremely personal, is that I also have major trust issues when it comes to making friends.
I want to make friends in the new area so that I don’t have to go to places alone all the time, so that I won’t feel sad every time I see friends having fun, so that I don’t waste my life rotting in bed and going to work when I could be going to events with people who like me and making memories.
But the thought of having to open myself up to someone who may have negative intentions, or could later turn out to be a bad friend, or something worse… terrifies me.
TLDR; I'm a 25F who is moving to a new city and wants to make new friends in that area, but I have issues socializing and trusting people.
Any advice is appreciated <3

How come it's illegal to make certain airsoft suppressors, like ones with baffles or flow through? I know it's possible to fit it onto certain real guns but it's already been proven not useful in those videos due to the quality of material and the pressure of the gas when the bullet comes out. Someone could make 1 and not get caught by anyone with the intention of using it for airsoft or real firearms.

So I am about thirteen months into my transition and had a bit of a vacation this weekend going to a convention.
Thursday during travel I stopped at a Buc-ee's for gas and food, I decided to pick up a little alcohol for the weekend and went to check out. I have not yet updated my license and got stopped as the cashier didn't think it was my license. presided to call a manager over which took a while and when they finally came over to see what the problem was, they also didn't think it was my license. After being adamant that it was me they finally let it slide.
I get to the convention and go through registration where while I had no problems, the con staff member made the comment that they don't think it's my license.
And lastly coming back home I stopped at they very same Buc-ee's to go to the restroom and get food for the road. While walking into the busy ladies room no one batted an eye as I used the facilities, wash my hands and left.
While at the start of this journey lead to a lot of inconveniences and hold ups, it was so euphoric seeing how far I have come and finally starting to be recognized as Chloe my genuine self and not the old me.
It is just wonderful to see how far I have come since the start of this, especially with having some bad experiences within the last couple of months that really makes me wonder exactly am I coming off to people.
(Inserted is a picture from that convention, flaging alot of Representation for a meet in greet that happened that day)

Please bear with me, this is my first post and I feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg.
My boyfriend (M25) and I (F22) just moved into our second apartment together. We’ve been together for 4 years this October and have had our share of struggles, which includes a fight we once had where he expressed there are some things I do that make him feel emasculated (mainly pertaining to how much I make at work).
Anyways, as a moving gift his mom bought him a grill that he’s been wanting for quite some time. Today, he started putting the grill together and I was reading him the instructions and helping him. As we started he wasn’t understanding how I was explaining the instructions and I offered him the manual and he refused it and just kept asking if I was “100% sure” we were doing it right. I kept telling him yes and that he was trying to jump ahead while he kept getting upset with the bolts and screws and getting visibly frustrated. Which made me frustrated so I just told him to put it down for second so I could figure out the best way to this (as you need two people to hold the grill to put it on the legs). He just sat there holding it anyways and was looking at me annoyed as I adjusted the legs and got all the bolts out that we would need to make the process faster. Once we finally got the grill lined up with the legs and put the bolts in he stepped back as I was placing the smaller screws that he was having trouble with due to the angle.
I thought he was just backing up to give me space as it’s a small opening and I was leaning inside the grill. But when I turned around he was on his phone not paying me any mind so I finished tightening the screws and waited for him. HE DID NOT BUDGE. So I kept going and turned the grill on its side by myself and he still did not move. I kept going and started getting the bolts to put the wheels on and he looked at me and walked into our bedroom.
At this point I could feel the tension. So I finished putting the wheels on and left it for him to finish. But to my surprise when I walked into the bedroom I saw he fell asleep. At that point I was done. I grabbed my things and went over to our old apartment to finish cleaning like he said we were going to do when he was done putting the grill together. When I came back the grill was still in the place I left it and I know he woke up because there were boxes from the old place that weren’t previously there.
At this point I’m just lost for words. He hasn’t spoken to me and didn’t acknowledge me when I came back. And this is not the first time he’s gotten upset and not spoken to me.
Would I be the asshole if I just threw in the towel at this point?

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hi Fat Friends,
Using a burner account for obvious reasons. I am trying to get feedback on our budget to see if we are missing any big categories or oveunderestimating some things. I have tried to compare it to our actual expenses from the last two years and the numbers here are a little higher than our actual spending since this has estimated items like Health Insurance, home maintenance, new car, etc. that are either covered by work or annual portion of estimated spend that would only happen once every few years. We are a couple in 50’s who would like to get out of the rat race in 1-5 years based on how the numbers work for us. A little about us:
Two adults (50M and 49F) and 2 kids living in a VHCOL area – One kid has graduated and starting a job this year, and the other is in college and hopefully will be independent in 4 years. Their college expense is not included in this budget. I would like your feedback on a few items:
1. Feedback/Critique our budget – are we missing any major categories? Are we oveunder estimating any costs? Unfortunately with Mint shutting down, I only have access to the last 2 years of detailed actual spend so feedback from other fat friends will be super helpful. I have broken down the spending for a few categories into Base vs. discretionary spending. The idea is that in case of a market downturn, we would shift to Base spending only. I plan to use “Vanguard Dynamic Spending” as a withdrawal strategy when we FIRE
2. Target net Worth - Based on this spend, and given that the mortgage and property Tax does not need to be inflation-adjusted plus the mortgage rolls off in 22 years, how much do you think we need in investable net worth? I do not think we have enough invested NW right now to FIRE and I would like to get feedback from the community on what would be your comfortable number for someone to retire with this budget to see how far we are. I am intentionally not listing our NW to avoid influencing your candid response to this question.
Thanks in advance for your time and feedback!
Here is our projected budget:
Category - Cost (Base) - Cost (Disc)
Mortgage - $69,960.00
Property Tax - $33,000.00
Home Insurance - $4,156.00
Electric + gas - $3,000.00
Water - $2,400.00
Gardner - $2,400.00
Pool Cleaning- $2,000.00
Home Cleaning - $3,000.00(B) - $1,500.00(D)
Home Maintenance (estimate) - $23,000.00
Internet/Phone - $300.00
Groceries - $10,400.00
Dining Out - $10,400.00(B) - $10,000.00(D)
Car Payment (replace every 7 years) - $8,571.43(B) - $8,500.00(D)
Car Maintenance - $1,200.00
Fuel - $2,000.00(B) - $2,000.00(D)
Car Insurance - $4,000.00
Health Insurance - $24,000.00(B) - $10,000.00(D)
Medications - $600.00
Doctor and medical services - $3,000.00
Life Insurance - $2,000.00
Long Term Care Insurance - $2,000.00
Umbrella - $600.00
Clothing - $1,200.00
Other Shopping - $6,000.00
Personal Care (Salon/Hair Cut etc) - $6,000.00(B) - $3,000.00(D)
Travel/Vacation - $30,000.00(B) - $30,000.00(D)
Misc. - $6,000.00
Gifts - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Entertainment/Parties - $5,000.00(B) - $10,000.00(D)
Hobbies - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Person 1 Disc - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Person 2 Disc - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Total - $290,187.43(Base) - $99,000.00(Disc)
Total Withdrawl (20% Tax) - $348,224.92(Base) - $118,800.00**(Disc)**

Hey folks -
I know I said I was done posting FV content, but as much as I was intending to step away, theorizing about stuff helps order my mind so I am back to posting. My retirement lasted all of a week 😂😂
I want to explore some of the concepts and inspirations of the Fractalverse from Marathon.
For those who don't know, Marathon is a video game series from Bungie (yes, that Bungie)... The series is often regarded as a spiritual predecessor of Bungie's Halo series.
Significantly for us, it is one of Chris' favorite games of all time, and a lot of the content from Marathon is used as inspiration in the Eragon/Fractalverse series.
https://twitter.com/paolini/status/1661742366028623874
Man, I hope the new #Marathon game is good. The original three were a huge, huge influence on me. Some of the best sci-fi writing out there.
One

If it's a game that doesn't use a mouse, like the old Marathon games, then I use 8426 (with 7 &9 for strafing) for movement and left-hand keys like space, command, option, etc. for shooting, swapping weapons, activating, etc.

Two

Hey, big Marathon fan, which is how I found your work. Been listening to your Leela cover a lot while writing.

Three

Marathon series, Halo, Mass Effect, and the Myst series (although those might be counted as fantasy).

Four

Myst (and sequels), the Marathon trilogy, Escape Velocity, Mass Effect 1-3, Halo 1-4, Skyrim, Oblivion, Portal 1&2, and more.

Five

Since no one guessed it, the sketch I posted earlier was from the end-screen of Marathon Infinity, last game in an awesome trilogy.

Six

@TheDragonUniver Ha! I beat the Vidmaster challenges in the old Marathon games, in the Total Carnage setting no less!

Seven!

@ndemordaunt Awesome. Glad to hear it. I've been playing Halo since it was called Marathon. 🙂 Hope you enjoy my future books!

Alright, I think I've proven my point. Let's get started.
First things first, let's talk about the Jjaro:

The Jjaro were an extremely advanced species--or an extremely advanced individual--which vanished from the Milky Way galaxy... The Jjaro possessed high-quality cyborg technology, such as that used to create the S'pht, as well as a star-destroying weapon known as the trih xeem, the ability to move entire planets by warping space around them as was used by the S'pht'Kr, some sort of time manipulation technology, and various ways of dealing with the W'rkncacnter

Sound familiar? Let's take it line by line with a few tangents along the way.

The Jjaro were an extremely advanced species--or an extremely advanced individual--which vanished from the Milky Way galaxy...

Hmm. Extremely advanced species. Who mysteriously Vanished. Check.

The Jjaro possessed high-quality cyborg technology, such as that used to create the S'pht

We'll get into this a bit later, but there is evidence that the Old Ones created/manipulated the Wraunai. Specifically from the Terminology section:

WRANAUI: sentient, space-faring race originating from the planet Pelagius... Some evidence indicates they may have been genetically modified by the Old Ones at some point in their distant past (Appendix III, TSIASOS).

Not a perfect fit, but lines up well enough. This next bit is extremely curious though -

The Jjaro possessed high-quality cyborg technology, such as that used to create the S'pht, as well as a star-destroying weapon known as the trih xeem

A star-destroying weapon. We haven't seen anything like that before... Or have we?
I've speculated on this in one of my previous posts; I think the "star-destroying weapon" is the black ball in this picture, which was some early concept art for TSIASOS.
You see the Black Ball heading for the sun? Check this out -
Compare it to the picture of the Trih Xeem.
Black ball with a trailing cloud, heading right for the sun? It's a perfect match with the concept art.
This is also significant for the World of Eragon, because:
MURTAGH SPOILERS BELOW
The visions from Azlagur all have him "rise" from the ground to "eat the sun"
Which is SUPER significant, because of the implications of the Marathon Infinity backstory:

In Marathon Infinity, a W'rkncacnter is imprisoned in the sun of planet Lh'owon. It is theorized by some that the W'rkncacnter's powerfully chaotic nature may be responsible for the jumps between realities seen in the game. When the Pfhor use a trih xeem device to send the star into early nova, the creature is released, to the horror and destruction of the Pfhor.

We will touch back on the reality jumping in a bit, but for now I want to focus on the "sun imprisonment" theme.
A cosmic-level baddie imprisoned in the sun. THAT is the endgame for Azlagur. Either he is a planetary-level villain, who will "rise" due to the Trih Xeem and Eat the Sun, releasing the equivalent W'rkncacnter, or he IS the equivalent W'rkncacnter, and will rise when the Trih Xeem is released. It all fits in with the concept art above.
And from this, we can deduce the overarching concepts of Angela's storyline.

Q: Will we get Angela lore? I feel like she could have killed Galbatorix and just didn't feel like it.
A: For those who don't know Angela is based on my sister Angela, because she breaks the fourth wall to a degree she has. Not only does she have plot armor, she knows she's in a story and can break the story itself. So, yes, she could have killed Galbatorix, but that would have made for a very bad story. That said, I do have an entire book planned around Angela, and it's very high on my list of books to write because it takes place before some of these other big stories I want to write. And that's also the difficult thing. I have my big storylines, and then I have a couple of one off side books I want to write, and it's just a question of time, energy and effort.

Given her appearance in TSIASOS, we can interpret that Angela is a "cosmic"-level character, who can cross time and space.
So... what's actually going on behind the scenes? We know she's been in/around Nal Gorgoth, and Tronjheim. She's definitely affiliated with the Draumar, and Tenga in some fashion. So... what's the actual story going on?
Let's take a look at the story of Marathon infinity:

Marathon Infinity begins as the Pfhor destroy Lh'owon using a Jjaro-derived doomsday weapon known as the Trih Xeem or "early nova". Unfortunately, the weapon also releases a powerful chaotic being: The W’rkncacnter, which threatens to destroy the entire galaxy. Because of the W’rkncacnter's chaos or by means of some Jjaro tech of his own, the player is transported back and forward in time, finding himself jumping between timelines and fighting for various sides in a desperate attempt to prevent the chaotic being's release.

So the weapon releases a powerful cosmic-level entity, which threatens to destroy the galaxy. And as a result, the "player" jumps around in time, jumping between timelines and fighting for various sides to prevent the being's release.
Sound familiar?
Jumping around in time and between timelines - that's what she's doing with the portals, the non-standard torque gates.
There are a ton of parallels with Angela and time (such as the references to her being a time lord), so for lack of better information, the most informed guess we can make is that she is trying to prevent the rise of Azlagur himself, or the creature freed by the death of the sun from Az "eating" the sun.
For lack of a better answer, Angela IS the player character from Marathon Infinity.
Alrighty, I could make several posts about the above, but for the sake of space and time, let's get back to the original passage.

the ability to move entire planets by warping space around them

Move planets by warping the space around them eh? That sounds familiar:

Then she was soaring through a nebula, and for a moment, she beheld a patch of twisted space. She could see it was twisted by the way it warped the surrounding gas. And from the patch, she felt a warped sensation, a feeling of utter wrongness, and it terrified her, for she knew its meaning. Chaos. Evil. Hunger.

Warping space around a planet. And Chaos... Sure sounds like the W’rkncacnter.
The last piece here also parallels with what we know about the series:

some sort of time manipulation technology,

Time manipulation - We know, based on various clues left throughout the series, that the Old Ones had the ability to manipulate time. Chris indicates as much here:

Right now no matter what way you swing it, we have issues in terms of time.

Correct.

Moving along, let's keep pulling the Jjaro thread together. The paragraph on Technology reads:

Jjaro technology is incredibly advanced and they have made many discoveries about the secrets of the universe. One of their ships, the Manus Celer Dei, was able to survive the closure of the universe, they uplifted the S'pht, defeated the W'rkncacnter, had mastered time control, had a station capable of compressing the mass and energy of a supernova into a black hole millennia beyond reckoning after it was decommissioned and abandoned, and a few of their artefacts were able to create a cyborg who could also survive the closure of the universe and escape it all together.

A station capable of compressing the mass and energy of a supernova into a black hole. And then it was decommissioned and abandoned.
Sound familiar, anyone?
The Great Beacons. That's what they are. The energy of a supernova in the form of a black hole, which were then decommissioned and abandoned.
We know the Great Beacons are no longer functioning. And it sure sounds like the description of a black hole (both in spacetime format, as a "whirlpool", and also visually)

and a few of their artefacts were able to create a cyborg who could also survive the closure of the universe and escape it all together.

Seeker? I'm not sure, but it sure has a lot of durability.
Alright, we're getting up there in word-count so I want to cut this short.
The last piece I want to talk about here are the parallels betwen the Wranaui and S'pht. It's not a perfect match, but there are a lot of overlaps between the two races.
First, the Wranaui:

WRANAUI: sentient, space-faring race originating from the planet Pelagius. Highly complex life cycle, with an equally complicated, hierarchical social structure dominated by Arms and a ruling form. Wranaui are naturally an ocean-based species, but through extensive use of artificial bodies, have adapted themselves to nearly every possible environment. Aggressive and expansionist, they have little regard for individual rights or safety, given their reliance on replacement bodies. Their scent-based language is exceedingly difficult for humans to translate. Even without technological augmentation, Wranaui are biologically immortal; their genetic-base bodies are always able to revert to an immature form in order to renew their flesh and stave off senescence. Some evidence indicates they may have been genetically modified by the Old Ones at some point in their distant past.

So, to summarize:

• Grew up in water
  
• Advanced scientifically due to the discovery of Vanished technology
  
• Complex hierarchical social structures.
  
• Forms & Use of artificial bodies.
  
• Genetically modified by the Vanished/Old Ones.
  

Let's compare that with the S'phet:

The S'pht were brought to Lh'owon by the Jjarro and Pthia as servants. The S'pht terraformed the planet from a barren desert into "marsh and sea, rivers and forests." When the Jjaro left Lh'owon after the death of "Pthia," the S'pht were released from their servitude, split into eleven clans, and leadership of the race was given to the S'pht royals.[6]

Genetically modified. Check.

The Pfhor forced them out of their typical forms, (as seen used by the S'pht'Kr) and into the strange garb of the Compilers and the armor of the Cyborgs.

Usage of "Forms". Check

After Pthia's death, Yrro scattered the S'pht across Lh'owon, separated them into eleven clans

Hierarchical society with different clans (Arms). Check.
The main two differences here are the usage of smell as a language, and the grew up in water.
Other than that, there are a TON of parallels.
Well, we're getting up there in word count and I've just started to ponder and fully understand the connections between the two series.
A few other random connections I noticed (I will add as time goes on):
Nmarhl and Narhl)
L'phet and S'pht
Alright, we are getting up there in word count, so I think that's it from me now. There are a lot more Eragon-specific relationships I've left out of here; I'll cover these in another post over on that subreddit.
Curious to see if anyone else has found other connections - Let me know what you think in the comments!

please see this post from breakups for context.
being trauma triggered and then vilified for having been upset & saying something about it was bad fucking enough. My depression had already been getting steadily worse before this point. Working my gas station job, where I can't work more than 4 days before the pain (from standing) gets too intense, and then giving up that whole paycheck for household food. Knowing I'll never accomplish anything and never be anybody. Now, after what happened, I no longer have any reason to believe anyone other than like, my senile grandparents, could care about or want me here. I needed support and I'm being shit upon even harder for no discernible reason. I had dreams once. I just want peace. I want peace and stability forever. But apparently being punished for not doormatting and being treated like shit is just going to continue for the rest of my life, or so it feels.
I'm not "disabled disabled" but am halfway there physically, the depression and anxiety are severe to the point of brain fog functioning as essentially a mental disability, I'll never be smart enough to do work in a field I care about, I'll never make art that anybody remembers. In terms of person to person interaction it seems I'll only ever invoke disdain and hatred. No one will ever want to make me smile again.
There was only one person in the world who could care for me and now this. I tried talking to the one single friend I have and he wasn't willing to have any sympathy either.
Even before we fought, my partner would always tell me when I was struggling to stay alive due to The Challenges, "well that's just how life is, you're going to have to suck it up".
I need a hug and I feel like I need to die there.

I hit those metal poles that are near the gas pumps. I hit it at my gas tank and tried to reverse than I got stuck so I had to move forward. The damage is from the drivers door midway to the truckbed area right above the tire. ICBC told me I had to submit 2 claims due to reversing and going forward since it's too motions on the metal pole. Does this seem right to you? Everyone is saying it doesnt make sense since it was one incident. Since I had to submit 2 claims, does that mean I have to pay 2 deductibles? My deductibles is 1,000 so I would have to pay 2,000?
My first time damaging a vehicle so I have no idea how this works.

Quick story. I was at a gas station to get my usual grub before work. On my way out, this guy asks me about my work shoes, which are super comfortable. We chat for a little bit, and he tells me about a couple him and his wife met who “retired in their 20’s”. Tells me that there’s an opportunity for me to “meet my financial goals”. It’s already sounding like an MLM to me, but it’s more intricate with how he’s going about it. He offers to meet at Panera Bread to discuss more about this opportunity. I’m like alright my MLM flags are already going off, but I’ll hear this guy out.
I go to Panera the next week and we chat some more. He asks me “what would you do with your time if you didn’t have to worry about money?” I was unsure. But then he explained more about “David and Angela” the couple who “retired” in their 20’s. Yadda yadda, more conversation. He’s really pushing the lifestyle of this venture rather than explaining what the actual job is. The meeting ends, he invited me to a meeting that’s happening tomorrow (5/14/24). At first I’m like okay I’ll think about it and get back to you.
I get to my car, drive home, then google this retired couple. Found the guys LinkedIn and dug deep, found his twitter and immediately saw buzzwords like “this team made our goal” “sold this much product” “team meetings” “up line” this and that. Definitely is an MLM by my book lol. So I texted him and told him I wouldn’t be attending as I’m satisfied with where I am career wise and all that. He asked me what had changed my mind? And that I didn’t have to make a decision yet until I can see what the meeting is, but I’d personally rather not waste my time lol.
I’m pretty sure this dude was trying to recruit me to his downline or however you put it. But I caught it in time to confirm my suspicions lol. This dudes “company” doesn’t even have a valid website, the link from LinkedIn led nowhere, and his twitter just gave up huge red flags that reeked of MLM schemes. Glad I decided not to go through with it lol. Hope the dude lives his best life, cause he was nice, but that’s a big no thanks from me.

*We have been married for several years. We are parents our relationship is complicated painful at times, but I want to make it work.
My husband is an incredible father! He is involved he plays with them and takes great care of them. He is kind, patient, fun, nurturing and makes them laugh all the time.
He is a good life partner he works full time, I am stay at home mom. He often makes dinner, goes grocery shopping sharing life responsibilities.
I have had massive health issues where he has spent years as my care taker.
He has a ton of stress on him due to all the health issues and mental health issues I have dealt with.
He is good about D.I.D. He is comforting to my alters and learning their needs.
The hard things an also big...
He lied to me about his sexual past prior to marring me, even though I asked directly. Things that he believed would make me not marry him. Nether of us knew at the time of any trauma I experienced. * only thing to note here is we were members of a church that discouraged sharing anything about one's past .
He stole things for years while we were married. Didn't tell me he got in trouble which is how I knew. He also gas lighted me about it for years when I would ask questions about where he got stuff.
He has other mental health issues as well.
I want to stay and I know listing it out like I just did might make that sound like a wrong choice. I truly don't think it is though. I know he is a good person to the core with some serious shit that needs to be figured out.
So the question is I never trust anyone ever! I trusted him now I can't. He is working on fixing his lying issue with therapy.
However our relationship is very triggering to me because trust and honesty are my golden rule. The rule I explained over and over and over. Through beginning or dating to several years of marriage. I knew not all people want as much openness and honesty as I need in a marriage so I was incredible clear!
Now I am in a marriage I want work but I already have massive trust on my own. Now I can't trust my husband.
Any recommendations on how to move forward to rebuild trust and a relationship. With his pattern and my trauma?

This series, Murder in Mahim, is based on and adapted from a book by Jerry Pinto with the same name. It was shortlisted for the Crossword Book Award for fiction in 2017. This series follows journalist Peter's investigation of a murder in the bustling city of Mumbai and the subsequent unraveling of dark secrets hidden within its crowded streets. When Sunil, his own son, is named as a suspect in the case, things get more serious. As he digs deeper into the case, he discovers that the city he thought he knew so well is full of surprises and dangers hidden in every corner.
The strongest point of the series would be its leading cast and its varied characters. Be it the highly regarded Vijay Raaz, Ashustoh Rana, and especially Ashitosh Gaikwad as his character Name UNIT, what a fantastic performance he has given. His voice modulation and facial expressions reminded me of Nawazuddin Siddiqui. When he came on the screen, I was extra attentive; he is my favorite character, and on the other hand, the story and the subplots between Firduas Rabbani and her partner were cliched but somewhat interesting too; the dialogues between Ashutosh Rana and his son Sunil Ferenandez regarding the topic of LGBTQ were very nicely written. I wish those scenes had been explored more deeply to add more depth to other characters as well.
What could've been better? Definitely, the story development and its writing. I think they wanted to create some deep emotional drama, but sadly, instead, it turned out to be a slow and sometimes uninteresting drama with unnecessary distractions and low effort cliffhangers. For example, pranks are used as cliffhangers and unnecessary distractions just to confuse and drag the story further, and on the other side, the supporting cast's characterization was not the problem, but their performance was a big letdown, which in turn kept me disconnected from multiple key scenes. As far as the background music is concerned, even that did not have much of an impact. I understand that the main aspect of this series is mostly to focus on crime drama with a message to convey, and I think that's the reason why the cinematography was just so bland. If you look at Kohrra, a similar style and genre series, it had some exceptionally well-done cinematography, which sometimes took the mood of the scenes to the next level.
Can you binge-watch this series?
There is a long wait before things start to get interesting. For instance, I thought things were finally getting serious in the fourth episode, but the next episode itself falls flat again. It's not until the last few episodes that things start to get interesting, but as it is a slow burner, even if you skip a few of the scenes, watch it for the quality performances by Vijay Raaz, Ashustoh Rana, Shivani Raghuvamshi, and especially the phenomenally talented Ashitosh Gaikwad. I really wish him good luck and look forward to seeing him in more movies and series very soon.
For a better understanding of how each episode turned out, I have made a line chart and rated the series episode-wise. Here it is.
This week's recommendation is Kohrra. This Indian TV series, which is set in Punjab, follows the story of two police officers, Balbir Singh and Amarpal Garundi, who are tasked with investigating the murder of an NRI bridegroom, Paul Dhillon. The investigation quickly uncovers a web of deceit, secrets, and family drama. Paul's family and friends all have their own motives for wanting him dead, and the officers must sift through the lies and half-truths to get to the truth. This is one of those slow-burners, along with the thrilling story where the characters grow on you and morally make you think about and analyze the society we live in, which makes this thriller series a must watch.
For now, have a great weekend and keep bingeing. I'll see you in the next video with another review. Ah peace.

At this age I’m not sure how to process starting over once you have invested so much time. Early on, say 15 years ago, it crossed my mind we would end up here. She was able to be a stay at home mom until our youngest started school 4 years ago. I’ve obviously made mistakes and wish I could do things differently in hind sight. She wants this and I will support her. She wanted to move to her home state, so we did, I did not object since I love the place. Last night I tried/offered to help grill dinner for Mother’s Day, she got pissed and told me I’m nothing but a sperm donor. WTF. I’ve been far far perfect but how degrading. She is/was the most kind and thoughtful women, that’s why I married her. She has become the most hateful person I’ve experienced. I feel like we can get through this and both move on, and I offer to help her. She makes comments to the affect of “just wait and see what is coming your way.” I trust she wants a divorce but I sense she wants to see me in a shitty situation more. Not sure what I’m asking for, just venting I guess.

About a week ago my mother (75 years old) called me up and asked if I would go to The Rolling Stones concert in Vegas with her. She had bought two tickets, her and my father and she told me she wanted to attend but that my dad wasn’t feeling very well. He is on oxygen when he is at home. He has COPD, a lung disease, and cannot get around much. Since it was a chance to hang with my mom a day before Mother’s Day and see the Stones I said heck yeah!!
I had already mentioned to my wife that on Mother’s Day when I return, we should grill some steak and scallops and lounge out a bit… play it by ear. My wife mentioned that grilling probably wasn’t a great idea and that the oldest of our two kids, our daughter, would be heading to Europe about an hour after we return home from Vegas the day after the concert (Sunday the 12th).
Our youngest (18 years old son) accompanied me to Vegas to stay at the relatives while my mother and I went to the Stones concert.
The next morning, Mothers Day, I woke up at my parents house, texted my wife Happy Mothers Day before even jumping out of the covers. We had a family church obligation to attend to until about noon before traveling back home to see my daughter off to the airport to Europe.
Here is where the drama begins. With all the hubbub of the concert the night before, the relatives and grandma being around, my son doesn’t text or call my wife (his mom) HMD that morning. I didn’t get a text back immediately from my wife when I texted her at about 8 am, HMD… I figured I’d let her sleep in if that’s what she wanted to do. My son and I do our church thing, my wife finally responds to my text saying that they are packing and repacking for my daughters Europe trip and that they want the packing job to be right. When we finally get home late in the afternoon, I give her the present that I bought my wife (her favorite perfume that she is nearly out of) and my son gives her his present… (a note and a Pink Yeti mug I had actually bought my wife a week ago that I hadn’t given her yet, just in case one of the kids hadn’t gotten her a gift for Mother’s Day).
Side note… My wife is very big on gifts. She is a great gift giver and anticipates good gift receiving.
When I walked in home from traveling I could also smell that she was cooking something, and there was a salad on the table. I figured she planned something she wanted to have for dinner, since I had been with my own mother since the day before and she, my wife had been with our daughter having a fun girls time, watching movies, getting a mani/pedi, having pho… THIS WAS NOT THE CASE. I got the evil eye right away. She started talking snarky to me, saying snide remarks which in turn, much to my chagrin I returned the remarks. It’s been tit for tat for the last 24 hours. She said her Mother’s Day was ruined and that it was my fault. That I should have planned the day for her. The blame is all in my court.
Ugh… I feel like every birthday, anniversary, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Christmas… whatever day that retail America says I’m obligated to spend money to buy gifts… I’m not doing a good enough job. My wife buys our kids presents for Easter for hells sake. It’s too much. I don’t want anymore of it. Keep all the stupid gifts. It’s just the act of buying a thing and giving it. Its ridiculous.
Also… Am I supposed to be doting all over my wife on Mother’s Day with palm leaves and figs? If I am, I am. I just don’t see husbands doing all the work. I see kids…. Kids rubbing their moms back and making coupons for dishwashing and various chores. Kids taking care of moms and telling them what a great job they do raising them. In the arguments up to now, she is treating me like I am responsible for her Mother’s Day happiness and pointing at me saying she didn’t get what she wanted and that she didn’t have a good time. I can see how the husbands job is to orchestrate what the kids do for the moms but if I am wrong, I am wrong.
She is a great mom and I tell her that constantly. She knows I know that. I value her. My wife and I have a great relationship 99% of the time but this silly.

I don’t know. I wanted to post here. I’m going to school for a job where nothing is guaranteed in the field I’m studying. Jobs are more so on a job to job basis and steady jobs are few and far between. My parents have been supportive of me up to this point but I don’t think they fully understand that job to job opportunities are how the field is. I understand this and am willing to take a risk, but I don’t think they are as confident. I’m going into my senior year. I’ve had zero internships or barely any jobs related to this (freelance stuff once or twice a year). I’m focusing on my own things, but no money is being made now. Part of this is on me for not giving 110% (writing letters to alumni, friending people on LinkedIn) and only applying via websites. I’ve asked professors for opportunities and all of their options rejected me.
As well, I quit my day job. I thought about accepting an unpaid gig, but it would have been a two hour commute one way. I told the day job I accepted the position. The window is still open for me to do it, but it would require me to move somewhere for the summer where the only free housing would be a two hour commute. As I’ve stated before, I’m working on my own things. I am in 90% control of the outcome of one and 60% of the other. Both could help me a lot if they turn out successful. I’m working on finding another wage slave job at the moment too, but all interviews have seemed unfruitful. Maybe it’s bad interviewing on my end? I seem confident when I interview, so maybe it’s because I’m a student? Even if I find a job, it would be less time spent on my personal projects.
Speaking of which, I try to do things for fun. I don’t really socialize too much with people. Most of the people I like have left the area for summer. The people where I grew up and I have grown in different ways (for the most part) and I don’t enjoy being with them too much anymore. It is a once in a blue moon thing. Where I live now, I have acquaintances but rarely hang out. Part of this lack of socialization stems from being a weird kid and also thinking everyone is judging me. I tend to zone out a lot so I maybe staring off at nothing and then realize I’m staring at someone. Trying to make conversation is weird because I don’t know what to talk about other than projects/work/school. I don’t like hearing about drama unless it affects what I’m doing. I don’t have anything going on in my life that’s worth more than a few sentences, so I have nothing to talk about. Even though, again, I’m not social, there still is a part of me that wishes I was doing these things with someone.
My free time is spent going on drives to nowhere (unfortunately my favorite leisure activity) which kills mileage on my car and eats up gas. The person I used to go on random adventures with is a year or two older and I think he’s reached the point where he can no longer do these things. I will be at that point soon because I will have student loans to pay off.
Even having a love life is hard because what I go to school for, personal and work lives are mixed. Acting on these feelings can lead to awkward work relationships and missed opportunities. You have to think about the long game.
Anyway, this has been on my mind for sometime and would love advice as to what I should do?

important context; I already know that this friend has taken both hard and soft drugs and drinks often.

//death, murder, fighting
I (18ftM) and my friend since childhood (19~F, I'll call her Alice) invited me to go to a drag show with her. It's not my usual scene, but I like cosplay and I'm queer so I agreed to go. I show up on time and wait awkwardly. When Alice gets there, shes normal and she has a friend (19~F, I'll call Ginny) I've met in passing with her.
They let me know that they're high and have taken edibles. I'm already a little uncomfortable because I have bad experiences with drug users in my family, but I've taken edibles before. I was iffy because I wasnt told before that I'd be the only sober one there, but shrugged it off. Been there done that myself, I cant be too judgy. They even offer me some, which I ashamedly considered but ended up turning down. Then, Alice complains that the bar is ID-ing. No biggie again, I already know she drinks sometimes. As the show goes on, Alice gets a bit disoriented and goes to stand by the door to cool off. Ginny then decides to tell me that it is her first time in year trying edibles and that the kind she gave her are very strong. I was more worried about Alice than upset, so when she goes to the car to get water we leave her be and chat with some friends before going to check on her.
Alice was in her car and upset, and told us that she needed to be alone. Ginny suggests taking a walk and I, being an idiot, agree. By now me and Ginny are getting along really well, having spent the entire night talking since Alice wasnt around for most of it. At one point, a car stops next to us on the walk and rolls down his window. He yells "How much?" Out of his window like a jackass and drives away like a pussy because he cant pick a struggle. I get out my pocket knife. I hadn't realized we were in the bad part of town before but something told me to open the knife, because that wasnt the end.
I tell Ginny we can just take my car (we were looking for a gas station to kill time and get an energy drink) and that we should head back to Alice anyway. On the way back, I'm getting really paranoid. Every car passing a little too slow is scaring the shit out of me, and I'm just glad I thought to bring the knife. Then, a car stops across the small street from us as we pass some storage units where a homeless guy was standing. Two men get out of the car. I start speeding up.
Ginny asks, "why are you walking faster," and I whisper to her about the car. One of the guys very obviously heads for us. I believe he saw my knife. It was dull as a rock but it was big and looked scarier than it was. He pivoted and headed for the homeless man instead. I look over my shoulder and these men immediately, no words no hesitation, start beating and kicking this man to the ground. I start running with Ginny away from the units. Whoever the driver was came back around and yelled, "Beat his ass!" To the men as we did. I look over my shoulder and they are curb stomping this mans head. I'm in shock, but not so much that I dont tell Ginny that we should call the police when we get away.
We call the police and tell them what happened- or more like I tell them what happened because Ginny is already forgetting due to her being high. I can remember vividly, even now a few days later. When I let Alice know that shes on call with the police, she flips put a yells at me how stupid that is, how she has edibles in her car. I try and tell her that they wouldnt search her car, shes not involved, and she apologizes but it was still jarring.
The police may have come, but I drove them (I didnt want them to drive) to a store and we got some drinks for Ginny to sobewake up so that she could drive Alice back to hers and she could sleep it off. At some point, they mention doing more stuff at Ginny's. Now I'm just plain tired and the shock is wearing off. No one else in the car realizes, but I saw a man likely get beat to death, and it was almost us. I never told either of them, of course, I dont want them to give it more thought than 'a cool story' (Ginny's words). A man is probably dead and I dont want them to live with that, its affecting me badly.
The more I think of it, the more uncomfortable I feel at the thought of possibly being around them in conditions where I am the only one to see those realities, especially when they take acid and shrooms and who the hell knows what else. I know it's my fault for agreeing to go on that walk when I didnt know the area and she was high, but I'm a gullible and easily peer-pressured guy. I know that.
Basically I want to tell Alice I dont want to hang out, but in a way our mutual friends wont think I'm evil. I also dont want to tell them and seem like I'm whining about something that ALMOST happened to make Alice look bad. I just want a clean cut where we only hang out in groups and she knows its not because I dislike her.
TLDR; I was into a bad situation as the only unwilling sober person to supervise my friends' high. I want to cut her off without any drama or seeming like I dislike her as a person.

I hate to ask for things but my mother and I had to move to Lethbridge with our 3 small dogs on emergency short notice due to abuse and are now living in our car as we don't have any money since we're both unemployed and disabled. We discovered we could move our stuff into the front at night so we could sleep properly (horizontally) in the back, however it is extremely painful (I have bruises on my ribs and Hips from how hard the folded seats are) and we don't have enough blankets so we are cold at night. We have tried local shelters but we dont fit their criteria, especially with our dogs. I'm adding a list of chores/jobs i could do and things we could use, if anybody has these items and are willing to part with them for free or for the completion of a task or chore, please comment or message me!
Suggestions for jobs I can do: - mow lawns or pick up dog Poop - vacuum/sweep/dust - wash windows - walk/wash/lightly groom dogs/cats/other pets (I'm very good with animals) - wash cars - babysit (my mother ran a day care most of my life and I grew up naturally learning how to care for kids as well as babysat most of middle/high school) - Help move furniture - And more! If you have a job I didnt list, let me know and if I'm capable I will do it!
Things we need: - Air mattress or mattress topper. This is a big need for us, absolutely high priority item. We are both in a lot of pain from the hard, uncomfortable seat backs of the car, but it's still better for our disabilities than to sleep in the front seats, even reclined. - Air pump (if we recieve an air mattress) - Portable charger batteries to charge our phones when the car is off at night - camping gear, such as a tent, heater, tarp, camping stove, cooler, etc. - sleeping bags or blankets, believe it or not, it gets quite cold still at night when you don't have indoor heating haha - car chargeplugs with USB ports - sun reflectowindshield and/or window covers, to keep the sun out so we and the dogs can stay cool - 2 peoples worth of plates, mugs/cups, and cutlery. We can't keep a lot of dishes but a couple plates and cups would make eating a lot less messy, 1 dish and mug for each of us is perfect - Cash or gift cards especially for gas or dollarama (you'd be surprised what we can find there) - in exchange for helping you with a task

I started working at this little pizza and grill restaurant in a pretty wealthy part of Austin when i was 16 and stayed until i was 20. The tips were insane for a large period of time i was making 450+ a night which was just mind blowing to 18 year old me.
Despite how successful we were the management was always a bit stupid, and so the owner apparently borrowed 100 grand or so for some sort of gamble and ended up losing everything.(not super clear on the exact story here) They had to sell the restaurant or they’d go bankrupt, this led to it getting sold to this new guy jeremy who after we did some research on, we found out we was fresh out of jail for investment fraud of 15 million+ and had never had any restaurant experience.
When he started we were immediately all so shocked and this mad would walk into the kitchen everyday with his flip flops and little yorkie(YES DOG BEHIND THE LINE!!!), and he spent most every night getting wasted with the regulars at our bar wellll after close.
initially, despite how insane he seemed he seemed to be much nicer than the previous management. he carried around ginormous wads of cash(everything about this time seemed so so illegal) and gave everyone raises etc. that didn’t end up lasting though. he overhauled the menu and the quality of ingredients went down the fuckin toilet as he doubled the prices. during this time he also changed to only doing cash payments or us individually taking venmo’s which was the biggest fucking nightmare and pissed off the customers so much. as time went on he got meaner and one evening he exploded at me because i hadn’t brought out the half of a ticket that was ready(because we bring out the tickets when all the food is ready). lots of stuff like that happened and he eventually stopped paying all the staff and kept telling everyone if they quit they would not get the money they had been owed. anyway he tried to call me in moment of one night and got pissed that i could so i told him he could go fuck himself and i quit on the spot. the place ended up getting shut down a few weeks later i think because all of the kids who he hadn’t payed for over a month or two took him down.
anyway i just wanted to tell how absolutely insane that whole time was for me and that’s just the tip of the iceberg for the shit that went down during that time.

This is under Advice Wanted, but I would take Kind Words too. Posting to a burner.
I'm 20 and it feels like everything has been on my shoulders since I was little. Everytime I mess up, I am quick to self deprecate (when I was little I would say I was a horrible daughter and write my parents notes apologizing for being the way that I was) and often that leads to hitting myself. I genuinely wish that I wouldn't do it, and I've tried to stop lots over the years. Something about coming home intensifys those feelings. For example: I need to take summer classes for college and I don't know where to begin. My parents are supportive but do not understand the pressure this puts on me. I am incredibly imperfect, I feel like the whole family is judging me- no one seems to understand how this process makes me feel like less than a person. I got into a fight with my mom over this, and I swear she's going to get my dad involved which means nothing good. Lots of yelling.
To clarify- I don't have daddy issues. My dad and I are fine. He just takes his frustration out on me, and I understand.
When I was 12-14 I was groomed by a man years older than me in school. Part of this was a part of something called ddlg. He wanted me to act like I was his child. I don't like it, never did, but something felt so comfortable about it. Later, maybe when I was 16 I tried something non-sexual like that with my ex boyfriend. It ended, and it's good that it did because I know that I am not a child, I don't want to be- but again when we tried it it felt so comforting. Now, I'm 20 and have a crush and sometimes think about him being kind and gentle with me in a way that I associate being gentle with a child- what is actually wrong with me? I can't stop the self harm, I can't stop freezing when I am anxious, and I can't stop putting myself in positions where I am uncomfortable. Am I just to traumatized? Am I broken? How do I get out of this cycle when it's literally all I know?