Content Warning:Mentions of Child Abuse & Gore
They called me a colic baby, meaning I was a seemingly healthy baby that was distressed for an unknown reason. The fits of crying mostly dissipated by six months, but they'd crop up every now and then into toddler-hood. When I became capable of babbling a few words, I would summarize my pain in a few words: belly hurt. Belly HURT!
My parents didn't have much money, but they took me to the doctor for a checkup anyway. After running a physical exam and blood test, they determined that I was merely an excessively gassy little girl and should probably eat a more gut-friendly diet. They also prescribed some medicine which would eliminate the gas and relieve my pain.
It was from that moment on that my parents gave me the nickname "Gas Girl" (which I despised). The name stuck for several years, and anytime I'd get a little stomach ache my mom or dad would say, "uh, oh. It's not Gas Girl returning, is it?" I'd glare at them with my arms folded and pout, saying, "I'm not Gas Girl. I'm Wonder Girl!" My parents would share a look, then burst out laughing. Just as I was about to shout a retort, my dad would open up his arms and bend down in that familiar pose which signaled liftoff, and all my childish rage detached like a racing sticker as I leaped into my dad's arms and he flew me around the living room shouting "Who is it? It's Wonder-girl! Here to save the day from Gas Girl!"
Anyway, just as the nickname wore off, the pain returned. I was about 7 or 8 when I had my first big episode. I was in second grade, and the class was cutting out shapes. The pain came on so suddenly I remember lurching back and falling out of my seat. The next few hours were a blur of adults: my teacher, the nurses, the principal, my parents. I remember how cold and alone I felt despite being surrounded by grown ups, and my stomach hurt so much I was crying pretty much nonstop.
My dad bought a bunch of OTC medicine to try and settle what he thought was a really bad gas episode. My mom laid at the side of my bed and did bicycles in the air with me. Hours passed in pain as my adolescent imagination conjured up images of an evil little elf blowing thousands of bubbles in my belly. I consciously pictured myself popping them, but every time I did, more were blown. My dad scheduled a doctor's appointment for the next morning, and my mom stayed at my side until I was able to fall asleep sometime late in the night.
I dreamed vividly a horrific nightmare. I was strapped to a black, metal box. A surgeon donning blue scrubs with white gloves and a mask entered the space in my peripheral vision. The air was cold but crisp, as if every bit of dust had been scrubbed out of existence. I could feel my breathing, my heartbeat, even my skin. The doctor stepped forward and I could see the distortion of a smirk in the folds of his mask. I expected him to say something, to tell me what he wanted, but instead he lifted my shirt so my belly was exposed. "It's cold", I said in a mumbly voice. He lifted his hand in the air, and I saw behind it off in the back of the room was what looked like the glass wall of an aquarium. I was confused for a second, but only a second. The surgeon plunged his hand into my stomach like a spear, splitting through the flesh as if it were the skin of a ripe fruit. The previously silent man began to cackle like a maniacal villain as I nearly passed out from the pain. I felt his fingers swimming through my guts like parasitic worms. My body shook as cold sweat and blood began to ooze from my pores. I wanted to scream but I couldn't make a sound. I could only lay there, paralyzed, as the evil doctor explored my insides.
Somehow I lost consciousness in the dream, but when I woke up, the memory came flooding back, and I screamed with all the force of a thunderstorm. My parents skipped the appointment and rushed me to immediate care, but by the time we arrived, the pain was gone. I explained my dream to the doctor, but he said it was normal to dream up reasons for the pain. They recommended a CT scan to screen out the possibility of an ulcer or internal bleeding. Despite my parents' scarce savings, they agreed to run the test. However, something deeply entrenched in my mind thought of the dream with the surgeon and I protested. "I don't want a test!" I screamed. "But, honey, how are we going to know what's wrong?" replied my mom. "Nothing's wrong now. I don't want a test."
Looking back now on my persistence, it should have been obvious that there was something wrong with me, but my parents, who were thinking of their finances, allowed themselves to acquiesce to my demands. The pain would continue into and throughout my teenage years, and the one benefit that I can credit to it was that it taught me how to endure pain and hide it well before puberty started. Compared to my childhood cramps, period cramps were around a B+. Very bad, but not end of the world bad. However, they'd stick around more reliably, and eventually the two began to combine until I could no longer discern between them. Occasionally I would have a nightmare and wake up with a pain that was a little higher in my stomach, almost approaching my chest, but it would always disappear by breakfast time, and the chaos of a teenage girl's life would once again reassert itself in the form of an outfit that didn't look quite right or the memory of every word of a conversation with a guy I liked or how my teacher was out to get me. Basically, I had become normal.
And then two weeks after I turned 16, my dad passed away from heart failure. Apparently the stress from a paycheck-to-paycheck life in sales added onto a bad diet and a penchant for alcohol was a recipe for disaster. He was only 49. I was crushed.
The weeks and months following his funeral were filled with teenage anger and resentment. I directed most of it at my mom, who I held accountable for not being strong enough to step up and help with the bills. One day, when I was searching the drug cabinet for some painkillers to deal with some bad cramping, I noticed a new prescription for a drug with a really long name. I looked it up. It was an antidepressant. From that moment on I stopped giving my mom shit, but I grew a bit distant from her. I started spending a lot more time with my friends. I became reckless, adopting a drinking habit and unsafe sex practices. I smoked a bit but I didn't really like it. I guess I was just trying to find a way to move on, as naive as it was.
Fast forward to my present situation, and I'm a college student. A junior to be exact. I ended up scrounging up enough money from working two restaurant jobs to see a therapist on my own dime, and managed to make peace with my mom before leaving. We both talked out all of our trauma and cried together, and from that moment on, I haven't had a drink. About six months ago I got on the pill. I was starting to see one guy consistently and I wanted to be safe, but also I wanted to know what it felt like to not have stomach cramps anymore. It was freeing. I remembered my dad lifting me up into the air as a child, and I figured it kinda felt like that. I still cry thinking about him, although I don't let anyone see.
Anyway, about a week ago I started having really bad pain again, but this time it was in my chest. I would wake up in my apartment (I share a 3-bedroom with some friends from the college) with heart palpitations. My heart felt like a snake had wrapped around it and was trying to choke it out. The pressure would give way to a burst of fast ba-dum's, then settle, then start again. I remembered my dad's prognosis and started to get really scared, so I scheduled an appointment with the on-campus doctor for the next day through the online health platform.
They told me that chest pain is no joke and scheduled to have me scanned at a nearby hospital. This was four days ago. My boyfriend, Kevin, drove me there even though I said I'd be fine going alone. I think I already knew our relationship wasn't going to work out long term, so I was kind of checked out. I felt bad about it though because Kev is actually a really good person, but our personalities just don't match. He's very introverted and doesn't like to go out, whereas I thrive in group settings. Anyway, he drove me and I ended up getting an X-ray. The doc came in to share the results and I was immediately put off by the dubious expression on his face.
"What do you mean the images are blurry?" I asked.
"Well, it's just… that. They're blurry. It's very unusual for this to happen unless you have a pacemaker or some other device implanted. Do you know if you have something like that?"
"No, never," I said with a quaver in my voice. For some reason I thought back on my childhood dream with the surgeon and felt the urge to vomit.
"Well, let's run a CT scan and see if we can make anything out." He soothed.
Normally the CT and MRI dock was booked for a week out but the doctor happened to have an open space for me that same morning, so I waited about an hour and then got in the big tube machine that took pictures of my chest and abdomen. He said he should have the results by Thursday. That was Yesterday.
I was driving onto campus for my 9AM class when I got the call.
"Hello, this is Dr. **** calling for Josie **** ." (names redacted for privacy reasons)
"Oh, yes, this is Josie," I said and fit the phone between my shoulder and ear as I tried to find a comfortable posture."
"Yes, hello," the male doctor said in grave way which made me feel like this wasn't going to be a short call. "I wanted to see if you were available to come in today for some more tests."
"More tests?" I asked. "What about the first ones?" Images of blocked heart valves and cancer presented themselves on my mental screen.
"Yes, well, I wanted to discuss the results with you in person. There was a bit of a … well, an inconsistency, and I didn't want to upset you—"
"Upset me!?" I blurted, my free hand flying out over the steering wheel, swerving my car toward the curb. I corrected, then lowered my voice, "sorry, I don't mean to be …" be, what? This is completely absurd. "Could you at least give me some indication of what's wrong with me? I'm just kind of panicking here."
The doctor was quiet for a moment, then returned. "Sorry, Josie, I didn't mean to spook you. Both the X-ray scan and CT scan are picking up interference which is unusual. It's possible it's just a flaw on our end, so that's why we wanted you to come back in—to do an MRI and really verify what the issue is. This one would be free of charge and we'd get you results same-day as we feel bad about the issues with the machinery. Do you think that would be possible?"
I took a deep breath. I still felt uneasy, but at least now there was some kind of explanation I could lean on. "Okay, yeah, I can come in. I have class until 9:50AM, but I can drive over after and be there around 10:15, 10:20-ish. Would that work?"
"That would work great. We'll see you then."
I spent the whole of my communications class thinking about what could be wrong with me, doodling my ideas down on a notebook. Heart disease. Cancer. Some kind of peptic ulcer. Maybe it was the pill? The drinking? Was this some kind of cosmic retribution? I didn't know.
An hour later I was back at the hospital. I expected to be ushered into the MRI prep room, but instead I found myself in one of the normal patient rooms, sitting upright on a bed. The nurse did the preliminary height and weight measurements and medical history. I asked about the MRI, but all she said was that the doctor will discuss that with me. Before she left, she handed me an assessment to fill out. It seemed to be a list of questions about the medical history of my family, specifically about our mental health. Does your family have a history of Schizophrenia? Have there been any instances of domestic abuse? Did you have vivid nightmares as a child? Etc. I marked the boxes, then set the clipboard down.
At last I heard the fated knock on the door, and my doctor came in holding an Ipad. The door was only open for maybe a couple seconds, but I could see multiple nurses and technicians peeking their heads in my direction, as if they were trying to catch a glimpse of me. That can't be good.
"Hello, Josie," the doctor said and clicked on the little TV screen. He didn't even look at me. I could see dried sweat along his hairline.
"What's happening? I thought I was going to get an MRI…"
"Well, actually we aren't sure if that's the best course of action." the doctor said as he clicked the screen and pulled up a series of images.
"Can you look at me, please?" I snapped.
The doctor raised his head and tilted it in my direction. His mouth was agape, his eyes wide as if only realizing I was here at that moment. "I'm sorry, Josie." He took a deep breath, preparing some kind of canned presentation, then let it out and said, "It's just easier if I show you." He pulled up the first global image from what I presume was my CT scan. It was a front-shot. I could see my organs as little geometric shapes and—
"Wait, what is that?" I asked, pointing at the screen.
"That—is the problem."
I spent the next minute just staring at it. Somehow, in between all of the organs, there was some kind of cylindrical mass—I thought it was my spine at first but quickly realized it was too wide and there weren't any vertebrae—and at the head of the mass was, very clearly, a hand.
"What the fuck is that" I said in a tone that was at once forceful and pointed.
"It appears," the doctor started, looking away again. "It appears that there is a mechanical hand in your chest cavity. It's attached to a piece of a forearm that begins at your stomach, here," he pointed, "and continues up until, well, it appears to be holding your heart."
Ten seconds passed in silence. Then I was hit with the equivalent of the laughing gas they give you at the Dentist's office. All the blood in my body surged to my forehead and I felt light as the very thin hospital air. "Hahaha!!! You expect me to believe that? What kind of fucking clown-show hospital is this? Am I at the circus?' I stood up and started toward the door. The doctor body blocked me.
"Please, Josie, that isn't it."
"Oh?" I said sarcastically. "Please, do tell."
"Could you have—oh, okay, okay,, let me explain."
I stood there with my arms folded, unrelenting.
"When we first had you do the X-ray there was a big blur. It was clear that something was blocking us from seeing the image. The CT scan was able to take some actual pictures of it. I know it seems, well, unusual—"
"Wait, what the hell is that?" I asked, gesturing toward the clipboard.
"What?" The doctor looked disoriented.
"Those questions. Are you trying to insinuate that my mom and dad implanted some kind of mechanical hand in my body?"
"No," the doctor raised his hands. "We were just trying to gather some more information… Josie," the doctor said as I once again headed for the door handle. "Please, there's more. From the blood test we conducted it seems that you're pregnant."
I was so done. "I'm on the pill, asshole." I sneered and swung the door open, ignoring the sets of eyes trained on me as I scurried to the end of the hall, ran outside, and climbed into my car. I expected to see a bunch of people in white coats running after me, but there was no one. I started the car as tears began to stream from my eyes. Fuck them, I thought and sped out of the parking lot.
I couldn't return to my apartment. I ended up driving for hours, working my way back to my hometown. I spent a long time thinking about all the things I had experienced growing up. The stomach pain, slowly working its way up to my chest. The vivid dream of the surgeon feeling around my guts. Was it really that crazy to think my body was trying to tell me something? Why had I decided against having a CT scan all those years ago? Why now? I didn't—couldn't believe what was happening to me. But was that just because I didn't want to believe it?
And then there was the pregnancy. I was definitely on the pill. I knew it wasn't Kev's, or at least I was pretty sure it wasn't. We haven't been having sex for a little over a month now. But did that mean that something else didn't impregnate me? My paranoia was at its peak. I considered the possibility that maybe it was me that was Schizophrenic. None of this made any sense. I wanted my dad. I missed him. I considered going to see my mom, but despite making up with her, I still didn't feel close enough to her to own up to everything. I wanted to be alone—needed to be alone.
I ended up getting a Motel about 10 minutes away from my house. It was around 1AM when I finally opened the door to my room and laid down on the bed. After hours of thinking, a single thought occurred to me like a kind of defense mechanism: if I really am pregnant, I'm not keeping the baby. I want it out.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard the notification sound go off on my phone, which was odd since I was sure I had set it to vibrate. I turned and grabbed it, unplugging it from its charging dock. I had received a text message from an unknown, 5-digit number: 66669. This is what it said.
66669: If you terminate my baby, I will crush your heart.
***
I haven't been able to sleep since. It's now 6AM and I've drafted this as a cry for help. Please, let me know what you think I should do. I'm too "in it" to see the details clearly. I feel alone and scared and paranoid. Someone or something is watching me. Maybe it has been my whole life.

I (17 F) and my friends, let’s call them Emily (18 F) and Trish (18 F) have math class (this is high school btw)with someone who has a reputation for being creepy. So much that we have a nickname for him. let’s call him Weird Wally (18 M) or WW for short. So, me and my friends have math class with him. Before school had started I knew nothing about him, how creepy he was or anything. But some people had informed me that he was “odd” so i obviously was skeptical towards him and tried to interact with him as little as i could without being mean or rude. One day, i was walking from one building to the other and WW was following close behind and next to me but i didn’t think much of it since we had the next class together. We both take different ways to class but if we’re having a conversation, we go the same way but we weren’t even taking to each other and he was just following me to class. And on this day i was wearing a babydoll crop top that was a little form fitting. More around my chest than my waist but that’s not really something i can help. I always wear baggy clothes so obviously i was wearing a baggy sweatshirt over my shirt. But i got hot in class so i took off my sweatshirt and WW did a double take of my boobs and was just STARING at them. I didn’t know what to do and i just sat there. I felt uncomfortable and mortified. I put my sweatshirt back on and just dealt with the heat. Then we headed to lunch and i always walk with Emily and Trish. As we were walking i kept looking behind me to make sure he wasn’t walking near me and i told them what had happened. they told me that he does this a lot and they had felt bad for me. I don’t remember exactly what they had said because i was in shock because these kinds of things don’t really happen to me considering i wear baggy clothes and i’m not exactly the most pretty or skinny girl. Emily had told me that he had a crush on her and was weird with her but she had a boyfriend so it was never going to happen with him. He had also had a crush on a girl that was a grade below us and i asked about her experience and it was not good considering she also had a boyfriend. so, obviously i’m not hearing great things but at least i know i’m not the only one. then a couple weeks later we’re in math class and our teacher was out so we had a sub. My friend Trish was wearing a pair of shorts that she hadn’t worn in a while and was worried that her butt was hanging out and she kept asking me to check if everything was in and not poking out and i told her she was good. Once we get back to class from lunch, she got up to throw something away and WW was staring at her ass out in the open. After class Trish pulled me aside in the hall and had told me what happened. so we had started thinking that we should move seats in math to get away from him. But i finally got the wake up call when someone was talking about some SUPER weird shit he did. WW had taken 2 incoming freshman (so 8th graders at the time) to our local amusement park. Apparently he called these young girls a lot of slurs and was just saying a lot of uncomfortable things to them. WW had also gotten a little too close to a 7th grader who was in our color guard group (he’s in band) and a girl whos the same age as WW had to step in and keep him from this girl. Now the REALLY bad one was on a bus ride somewhere (maybe a band/color guard trip?) he was caught doing something really disturbing under a blanket right there on the bus. once i had heard all of this shit i went to Trish’s class and told her about this ( Trish was in the hall working on a painting) and some other people that were also working on paintings had heard what i was telling and her and were telling us we needed to do something and get away from him. And we were trying to talk quietly because the front office of this building was close to where we were and his guardian worked in the front office. And that made me think “does he get away with all of this stuff because his mom works here? if i say something will i get in trouble because of his guardian working here and will he not get any consequences?”. So i’m kind of on the fence about what to do. Am I the asshole??

Hello! Here we are again, back for another ATLA commentary.
Before we get started I do want to point out that I’m numbering and labeling episodes according to how they appear on Netflix. Episode 12, as I understand it, is actually two episodes. However, since they’re presented as one thing here, that’s how I’m watching it.
Brief update on other projects: I thought I’d try watching the first Harry Potter movie, but realized it’s two and a half hours long. That’s, at the bare minimum, five hours of commentary writing. So… yeah, we’re gonna hold off on that lol I’m also considering watching a superhero/comic book show called The Boys, because I accidentally caught part of a trailer for it that my girlfriend was watching and it looks very interesting. I’ll be doing the new Game of Thrones commentary next, not sure when exactly.
Okay, let’s go!
Episode 12- The Secret of the Fire Nation

1. Well that’s a heck of a title! I hope we learn something juicy!

It’s nice to see Aang and Katara bending for fun, thought I’m surprised Aang is so willing to encase himself in a block of ice. You’d think he’d have some trauma from that lol But also, I love Katara’s hair when she lets it down.
Yeah… I’m kind of surprised Aang is taking Appa’s loss as well as he is, considering how he reacted last episode. Since Sokka is talking about walking to Ba Sing Se, I take it they’re not going to be spending time looking for him? But then, didn’t the sandbenders say they sold him to a merchant from Ba Sing Se? Maybe he’s there, and Aang’s banking on that hope.

1. I know I keep applying real-world logic to a cartoon show, but wouldn’t Ba Sing Se get awfully crowded if they’re constantly taking in refugees from the rest of the Earth Kingdom? Iroh put the city under siege for almost two years. What if the Fire Nation does that again? More mouths to feed makes starvation quicker!

Iroh and Zuko are refugees. I still can’t get over that irony lol Hey, it’s Jet! My goodness, he’s onscreen for less than ten seconds and he’s already planning a robbery. He and Zuko are going to get along just fine, aren’t they?
The cabbage merchant! Always a delight to see him and his cabbages! Also hilarious that a bunch of people are impersonating Aang (thought it probably would be less hilarious if any of them met Azula). If passports are necessary, how did Zuko and Iroh get tickets? Also, good on Toph for taking advantage of her privilege lol
Hey! I think that’s Suki! Her eyes are drawn really distinctively and her voice sounds familiar! Two seconds after pressing play: it is Suki! Don’t you just love my long winning streak of figuring things out right before they let us know? Lol

1. Glad to see ATLA Suki appreciates Sokka’s muscles just as much as NATLA Suki lol

Someone took the pregnant family’s tickets and belongings. Is that how Zuko and Iroh got their tickets? Zuko’s robbed families before, so I wouldn’t put it past him.
Well damn, Suki got her armor and makeup on real quick, didn’t she? Hm… Sokka’s worried about her. I think Suki’s going to interpret that as him being sexist again but he’s probably traumatized from losing Yue. He’s been through way too much to still be sexist. If he still had a misogynistic bone in his body, Toph would have beaten it out of him by now.

1. Well the Serpent’s Pass looks terrifying. Also, this pregnant lady took one look at some scratched graffiti saying “Abandon Hope” and immediately started crying, saying “How can we abandon hope? It’s all we have!” Like… come on, lady lol Just because you see graffiti telling you to do something doesn’t mean you have to, otherwise I would have called quite a few people for a good time by now.

Hope is a distraction, huh? I guess I can see the logic of that from a practical application perspective. But it’s kind of a depressing philosophy for a monk to have.
Holy shit! Nope, I would not be walking along a cliff path that narrow! I will build a rowboat and paddle my way to Ba Sing Se.
Toph is really carrying the team (and some refugees too) this episode.

1. There’s a fine line between being protective and being smothering and Sokka has hopped, jumped, and skipped right over it.

Zuko’s not wearing his blue spirit mask. Not that he needs it, he and Jet work together like cogs in a machine. Ironic lol
Ow! Geez, that rejected hug hurt me lol Katara’s right though. Bottling up emotions just makes them worse in the long run. You have to allow yourself to feel bad sometimes. Granted, you can’t fly off the handle like he did last episode, but that’s a reaction. You can control your reactions, but you can’t control your feelings.
“It’s a beautiful moon.” “Yeah, it really is.” Okay, I know Sokka said last episode that Yue is the moon, but he was tripping on peyote. Does he actually believe that Yue is the moon now? Is Yue the moon now? I interpreted her death as he sacrificing herself to bring the moon spirit back to life, not to become the new moon spirit.
“Who is this guy? Is he taller than me?” Dude, we were having a moment. Damn it, just kiss her! Well actually, the moon’s right there so if Yue really did turn into the new moon spirit, it might be a tad awkward to kiss in front of her. But what’s he gonna do, only ever show intimacy during the day?

1. Um… I’m probably reading too much into this Smellerbee scene with Iroh and Longshot and I’m almost hesitant to say what I’m thinking because I can just imagine the backlash I could get for voicing it. And it’s not like ATLA has had great LGBTQ representation up to this point, so… Yeah, I’m probably just seeing things that aren’t there.

You know, I’ve never really cared a lot about Jet as a character (in fact, I’m kind of surprised to see him again. I figured he’d be a one-off character) but I am really enjoying his scenes with Zuko and Iroh. They have so much in common, which is probably the point of this whole juxtaposition. If he only knew who they really were lol
Of course Iroh believes in second chances. He’s the best. And also, he’s living proof that some people deserve a second chance.

1. Uh… Katara parting the sea while leading refugees to safety invokes a certain comparison, doesn’t it? But can I just say that I love how her solution to crossing the gap is to literally walk through the ocean instead of making a raft out of ice and floating across. She just never misses an opportunity to flex on everyone, does she? Lol

Momo continuing his pattern of trying to kill every small animal he sees is something I’ve come to treasure.
Is that the unagi?! I think that’s what it’s called/spelled but I haven’t seen that episode in a while. It would be fitting if Suki and the sea serpent both share the same episodes lol No that’s not the unagi. It’s a different color. Um… what exactly was Sokka planning to do if the sea serpent actually accepted his offer and ate Momo? Considering how he reacted to losing Appa, I don’t think Aang would be too happy with him.
Oh, now she’s making an ice bridge. Not as much of a flex as maintaining an air bubble so they plumb the depths but it is faster. Oh, Toph can’t see on ice. And she can’t swim? An earthbender not being able to swim feels like a stereotype for some reason, even though I have absolutely no reason to think that lol
“You can go ahead and let me drown now.” That’s gonna be a favorite joke of mine, I just know it lol And I’m pretty sure this is probably a jumping point for a Sokka/Toph ship. What does the community call that? Soph? Tokka? (How old is Toph, anyway? Probably Aang’s age, right? That’s… probably not an appropriate ship then)

1. Why does Ba Sing Se’s wall remind me of The Wall from Game of Thrones? Obviously not made of ice though lol

Okay, time for ATLA’s viewers to experience the miracle of childbirth!

1. Like I said earlier, ATLA isn’t heavy on the LGBTQ representation, but I swear I’m picking up on some tension and chemistry between Jet and Zuko (Juko? Jeko? Zet?). And now half of Jet’s little group is an LGBTQ allegory for me lol Even the dialogue between Jet and Zuko in this scene is slightly suggestive.

So… can Katara waterbend the baby out or…
Baby Hope, eh? Probably not a super common name in this world.
Oh? Was that Aang’s way of telling Katara he loves her without actually saying it? Aww. And hey, he’s heading off on his own to search for Appa. Which… honestly kind of feels like he should have been doing that this whole time lol
Yes! Get some, Sokka! Wait, nevermind. I fucking hate that line. Ugh No! I’m not gonna be a bitter old lady on this watch-through! They’re kissing and it’s very sweet and I love that for them!
Um… there’s a giant metal dildo on the way to penetrate Ba Sing Se! Lol but seriously, how technologically advanced is the Fire Nation? A giant mobile drill of that scale would be a marvel of engineering even by our modern standards.

1. Well hey, there’s the title card letting me know when the next episode starts.

Woah, the way the drill moves is so cool! I’m legitimately wondering if such a thing would actually be possible in our world with our physics. I don’t know why we would want to, but still. And of course Azula’s leading this attack. She gets all the best opportunities. And she’s smart too! The war minister guy is dismissive of the earthbenders, believing his drill to be impervious to earthbending attacks. You can practically smell the hubris. But Azula leaves nothing to chance and she sends her girls out to neutralize any potential threat.
And this is why we love Azula. She’s not just a scary villain, she’s a competent villain.

1. And the Earth Kingdom general shares the War Minister’s hubris. Why are the people in charge always the worst people to be in charge? Also, I love that Toph is the one to point out that Iroh broke through the wall.

So the Earth Kingdom’s elite Terra Team force were taken out by two teenage nonbenders from the Fire Nation in about twenty seconds. How have they lasted this long? Lol (I say two, but let’s be honest. Ty Lee’s doing the heavy lifting here)
Yes! I love that they acknowledge Sokka as the “Idea Guy”!
Iroh has got rizz for days lol I’m kind of surprised he only ever had one son. Jet wants to recruit Zuko. I’m totally down for that! They’re such an interesting pair!

1. I really love that Katara, whose probably the best waterbender in the world at this point, respects Ty Lee enough to recognize how dangerous she is. And Sokka had an idea! They’re going to take down the drill from the inside. Because how the hell else are they going to stop something that big?

Again with the underestimation! I swear Azula’s the only competent person in the entire Fire Nation military since Iroh retired.
Okay, engineer Sokka figured it out. It’s all a little too easy, isn’t it?

1. Ah shit, Jet just realized the truth, because Iroh used firebending to heat up his tea lol I think he’s getting a little too relaxed.

Okay, just the fact that they slice through metal with water at all is pretty impressive. And the drill has reached the wall, and Azula still doesn’t look impressed.
Oh yeah, I guess this is a pretty high stakes battle for them, huh? If they lose Ba Sing Se, they basically lose the entire Earth Kingdom, right? Omashu’s already fallen, the smaller villages and whatnot have no real defense. Ba Sing Se is the last big puzzle piece to world domination (aside from the water tribes, but they’re so isolated they’re not really a threat).
I love that Toph’s nickname for Aang is Twinkle Toes. Also I laughed at the War Minister’s face when he was side-eyeing Azula just then. +That’s the face of a man who’s about to be punished!

1. lol Sokka’s the only one with more rizz than Iroh! Maybe a legitimate battle strategy here would be to woo Ty Lee into switching sides? Aside from Azula she seems to be the most dangerous one. No offense to Mai, but she is kind of the odd woman out here.

Oh please let me get Aang and Azula 1v1! I really badly want to see how he fares against her without everyone else helping him. He’ll probably have to use the Avatar State to defeat her.
Ty Lee dives into the slurry after Katara and Sokka while Mai refuses. Yeah, Mai is the weak link here in Ozai’s Angels (I love that name, by the way).

1. Did Aang seriously think the general was going to hear him from that high up? Lol Toph’s helping Katara bend the slurry (how convenient that it’s both water and earth!). Ty Lee’s still trapped in it and the drill is about to blow. If I hadn’t learned my lesson on the last post, I’d probably be worried she might die in the explosion. But this is a kid’s show, she’ll be fine.

Here we go! Aang vs Azula! Her fighting style is so elegant. Every move she makes feels on purpose, if that makes sense. Like, whenever Aang fought Zuko, Zhao, or NPC firebenders their style is a little more chaotic and fearsome and rawr, you know? But Azula’s totally calm. Everything she’s doing feels calculated, and it’s working! If she hadn’t had to dodge that boulder after blasting Aang back she might have been able to deliver a finishing blow!
She beat him! He’s unconscious! Okay, well not anymore lol See… that right there was hubris (actually, it was kid’s show writing but whatever)! He was out for like fifteen seconds. She should have roasted him where he lay instead of picking him up and gloating.
Another fight with Azula ends in a draw with neither one beating the other! I’m starting to get a little peeved with all this edging lol but that was great! Azula is an absolute beast!

1. Okay, the way Aang hammered that rock spike into the drill was pretty epic. Mai’s “We lost” (and thank you for your contribution to the fight, Mai lol) is interesting. It’s true, they did lose. Not in the combat sense, Aang couldn’t beat Azula, but he didn’t have to. He just had to hold her off. Maybe that’s kind of a metaphor for the Fire Nation military in general. It’s very powerful, but it’s also marred by incompetence and weaknesses. Many of its generals are prideful and blind to their own weaknesses, or just outright incompetent. Look at this fight: even Mai just kind of gave up halfway through. If Ty Lee wasn’t trapped in the slurry, she might very well have been able to beat Katara, Sokka, and Toph, especially since they don’t Appa this time to bail them out. And if Mai had been with her, she might have been to break Katara’s concentration with a thrown weapon, thus freeing Ty Lee from the slurry.

I wondered how the Earth Kingdom lasted so long and maybe that’s just it. They can’t beat the Fire Nation, but they don’t have to. They just have to hold them off and the Fire Nation’s own shortcomings will end up beating themselves. It’s a hundred year stalemate.

1. Looks like Jet’s going to be causing a problem for Iroh and Zuko. I wonder if his relationship with them is what’s going to finally let him realize that not all Fire Nation people are inherently evil?

Hey, that’s Baby Hope! And Iroh gets to fawn over her too and I love that for him. You know, if Aang defeats the Fire Nation in a timely manner, Hope might actually get to grow up in a world at peace. Well, kind of. I’m sure there’s going to be massive issues with racism from generations of propaganda painting the other side as inhuman, huge demands for reparations, not to mention the territories the Fire Nation currently occupies. It’s been so long that there must be at least two generations of Fire Nation citizens who were born in and grew up in the Earth Kingdom, and I’m sure there’s been interbreeding with the Earth Kingdom people, because that’s what always happens with colonizers. Once they become established, genocide is pretty much the only way to get rid of them, and I doubt the Avatar is going to allow that.
So Hope’s probably going to grow up in pretty interesting times!
Um… is Ba Sing Se a city or is it a little walled country? Cuz all I see are farms and plains!
Katara, I love you, but you’re wrong. Team Avatar is going to catch on because it’s awesome, and that’s that.
Episode 13- City of Walls and Secrets

1. Oh, there’s an inner wall. So Ba Sing Se is kind of like the country in Attack on Titan! Oh yeah, in all of the excitement I almost forgot about Appa. Seriously, how many episodes has he been missing now? Damn, now that’s a city!

Yeah… something’s up with Joo Dee.
Walls inside that help maintain order? You mean walls that protect the rich and elite from the dirty poors? Lol Oh, Katara just confirmed it. They pen up all the poor people into a walled ghetto.

1. lol when Iroh’s talking about someone bringing home a lady friend, does he mean himself? Or Zuko? It is really interesting how their views of Ba Sing Se differ though. Iroh’s talking about getting a home, socializing, building a life, and he’s even found them jobs! Zuko sees the same situation as a prison.

Well, I’m glad Jet’s turning over a new leaf by letting the authorities handle things. Too bad I don’t trust the authorities to be any better.
Toph knows what’s up. Joo Dee is purposefully brushing Sokka off and distracting the group. I’m not sure why at the moment, but something is clearly up.

1. Of course they’re going to work in a tea shop! Lol Zuko’s right btw, all tea is hot leaf juice. Well, except for the teas that are hot root juice.

The cultural authority of Ba Sing Se, who guard their traditions and are called the Dai Li. Yeah… maybe it’s my conservative religious upbringing but when I hear about people “guarding their traditions” I immediately think of abuse, propaganda, and oppression. Generally people who are obsessed with traditions tend to be conservatives, who by their very nature cannot allow progress or improvement.
Someone important is trying to keep them under constant surveillance and prevent them from seeing the Earth King. In NATLA, there were spies in Omashu. Since Ba Sing Se is much bigger and more important, I imagine it’s riddled with Fire Nation spies as well, and somebody high ranking might be a traitor.

1. Joo Dee is kind of scary lol and clearly the citizens are terrified of her. But what’s interesting to me is that she’s preventing them from giving information about Appa, which suggests that whoever is stopping them from seeing the Earth King also has Appa. But why? What would be the point of keeping Aang away from Appa? Is it to restrict his mobility and make him easier to capture?

So people aren’t allowed to talk about the war, and the Dai Li seem to be responsible. But why? If everyone knows there’s a war going on anyway, why keep people from talking about it?
It’s lucky that Iroh borrowed his neighbor’s spark rocks, but why would he refrain from firebending in what he assumes is privacy? Unless he knows he’s being watched.

1. Huh, is the king’s pet bear the first normal animal on the show? Lol I am digging this undercover plan though.

I love that this show lets its characters try on different looks from time to time, even if they are mostly the same outfits. Katara and Toph’s high society get-ups are gorgeous!
The lost boys- I mean, freedom fighters are turning on Peter Pa- I mean, Jet. The weird thing is… he’s right! They are firebenders! But his behavior still isn’t healthy!

1. Okay, let’s go! Jet’s hurling accusations and attacking them in public! And now Zuko’s fighting back with swords. It’s the duel of the dual-wielders! Honestly, this is probably good for Zuko. He needs to blow off some steam after everything he’s been through.

Well how about that? Security at the palace is actually competent and Toph can’t bluff her way in.
This Long Feng guy is cultural minister to the king, which means he’s probably the bad guy! And also we haven’t met any other high ranking government officials with names, so he’s currently the only option lol

1. Geez, Zuko straight up intended to decapitate Jet right there. If Jet were a little slower, he would have! Man, I hope they do this fight scene in NATLA.

Uh-oh, scary lady Joo Dee is the scared one now. But can I just say how much I like her facial expressions?
Yeah… can’t blame them for arresting Jet. He did look like a crazy person.
The Dai Li’s specific brand of earthbending is very cool! It almost doesn’t seem like bending at all, if that makes sense. The stones they use are like a part of their own body. And of course Long Feng is their leader.
Okay I get the king is just a puppet and Long Feng is the real rule of the country, but I still don’t understand why he doesn’t allow mention of the war in the city. I mean, it’s common knowledge! A significant portion of their population are literally refugees fleeing war! Who doesn’t know
Oh… is it the king? Does the king just not know there’s a war happening and Long Feng keeps it from him so he can stay in charge? I mean, that’s still a stretch but it would explain why he doesn’t want Team Avatar talking to the king.

1. Jet is being hypnotized. Also, I do want to point out that I have seen “There is no (whatever) in Ba Sing Se” many times in the wild lol it’s nice to see where it comes from!

Ah… Long Feng is holding Appa as leverage over Aang.
I didn’t think Joo Dee could be any scarier but here we are! This episode almost has horror movie vibes.
Concluding thoughts: This was a fantastic couple/throuple of episodes! I loved seeing Suki again, and I really enjoyed how the refugee subplot ties so perfectly in with Iroh and Zuko. The whole drill sequence was probably the best “action” the show has had thus far and that’s saying something. It’s also nice to have my suspicions that the Earth Kingdom has its own corruption problems and bad guys confirmed.
I have a new theory to replace my “Iroh’s going to die theory”. They’ve been showing us all season how Zuko isn’t really cut out for life on the run, whereas Iroh embraces it. I think they’re driving to a separation between Zuko and Iroh. He may not have died, but narratively speaking Zuko and Iroh have to part ways permanently or semi-permanently for his character to grow. Iroh has been propping him up and supporting him this whole time, now it’s time for Zuko to leave the nest and become his own person.
My new theory is that Iroh will enjoy his new life in Ba Sing Se so much that he elects to stay there permanently, whereas Zuko is too restless to do so. He can’t go back to the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom will not accept him, so his only choice is to join Team Avatar, where he will likely end up teaching Aang firebending.
And to expand further on a previous theory of mine, which was: Azula will kill or depose Ozai. I’ve accepted at this point that death is off the table. Kid’s show and all that. But I noticed something… lots of people were quick to say that Azula would never kill Ozai. But not one person has said she wouldn’t depose him in those refutations (unless I’m misremembering but I don’t think I am). Since you all know not to hint at things or spoil them, I think your eagerness to point out that she won’t kill Ozai is an attempt to mislead me into thinking the whole theory is wrong so I’ll be surprised when she ends up deposing (not killing) him. I mean, I could be wrong but I have a strong feeling that the final villain is going to be Fire Lord Azula, with Ozai in exile somewhere (that would be fitting! The man who banishes his own son ends up being banished himself!).
Maybe that will even be the conclusion of Zuko’s arc! While Aang goes off to save the world from Azula, Zuko splits up to confront Ozai himself! Where we are in the show right now, it really does feel like Azula is Aang’s primary antagonist whereas Ozai is Zuko’s primary antagonist.
By the way, from here on out, no confirming or denying my theories either way, okay? Let it unfold naturally, and let me figure things out on my own. I mean, where’s the fun in just giving me the answers?
And also, some of you could be a little nicer with your criticisms. I had to block someone last time I posted and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s fine to disagree with me, it’s fine to explain why you disagree with me. Hell, most of you do! I don’t mind that, I like that we all have different views of things even if I don’t agree. It makes things interesting! But don’t talk down to me, don’t use belittling language, don’t be disrespectful. Whenever I don’t like something about ATLA (or like something about NATLA) some of you seem to take it as a personal insult or something.
Just be polite, that’s all I ask.
Okay, I’ll see you same time next week probably!

Hello! Here we are again, back for another ATLA commentary.
Before we get started I do want to point out that I’m numbering and labeling episodes according to how they appear on Netflix. Episode 12, as I understand it, is actually two episodes. However, since they’re presented as one thing here, that’s how I’m watching it.
Brief update on other projects: I thought I’d try watching the first Harry Potter movie, but realized it’s two and a half hours long. That’s, at the bare minimum, five hours of commentary writing. So… yeah, we’re gonna hold off on that lol I’m also considering watching a superhero/comic book show called The Boys, because I accidentally caught part of a trailer for it that my girlfriend was watching and it looks very interesting. I’ll be doing the new Game of Thrones commentary next, not sure when exactly.
Okay, let’s go!
Episode 12- The Secret of the Fire Nation

1. Well that’s a heck of a title! I hope we learn something juicy!

It’s nice to see Aang and Katara bending for fun, thought I’m surprised Aang is so willing to encase himself in a block of ice. You’d think he’d have some trauma from that lol But also, I love Katara’s hair when she lets it down.
Yeah… I’m kind of surprised Aang is taking Appa’s loss as well as he is, considering how he reacted last episode. Since Sokka is talking about walking to Ba Sing Se, I take it they’re not going to be spending time looking for him? But then, didn’t the sandbenders say they sold him to a merchant from Ba Sing Se? Maybe he’s there, and Aang’s banking on that hope.

1. I know I keep applying real-world logic to a cartoon show, but wouldn’t Ba Sing Se get awfully crowded if they’re constantly taking in refugees from the rest of the Earth Kingdom? Iroh put the city under siege for almost two years. What if the Fire Nation does that again? More mouths to feed makes starvation quicker!

Iroh and Zuko are refugees. I still can’t get over that irony lol Hey, it’s Jet! My goodness, he’s onscreen for less than ten seconds and he’s already planning a robbery. He and Zuko are going to get along just fine, aren’t they?
The cabbage merchant! Always a delight to see him and his cabbages! Also hilarious that a bunch of people are impersonating Aang (thought it probably would be less hilarious if any of them met Azula). If passports are necessary, how did Zuko and Iroh get tickets? Also, good on Toph for taking advantage of her privilege lol
Hey! I think that’s Suki! Her eyes are drawn really distinctively and her voice sounds familiar! Two seconds after pressing play: it is Suki! Don’t you just love my long winning streak of figuring things out right before they let us know? Lol

1. Glad to see ATLA Suki appreciates Sokka’s muscles just as much as NATLA Suki lol

Someone took the pregnant family’s tickets and belongings. Is that how Zuko and Iroh got their tickets? Zuko’s robbed families before, so I wouldn’t put it past him.
Well damn, Suki got her armor and makeup on real quick, didn’t she? Hm… Sokka’s worried about her. I think Suki’s going to interpret that as him being sexist again but he’s probably traumatized from losing Yue. He’s been through way too much to still be sexist. If he still had a misogynistic bone in his body, Toph would have beaten it out of him by now.

1. Well the Serpent’s Pass looks terrifying. Also, this pregnant lady took one look at some scratched graffiti saying “Abandon Hope” and immediately started crying, saying “How can we abandon hope? It’s all we have!” Like… come on, lady lol Just because you see graffiti telling you to do something doesn’t mean you have to, otherwise I would have called quite a few people for a good time by now.

Hope is a distraction, huh? I guess I can see the logic of that from a practical application perspective. But it’s kind of a depressing philosophy for a monk to have.
Holy shit! Nope, I would not be walking along a cliff path that narrow! I will build a rowboat and paddle my way to Ba Sing Se.
Toph is really carrying the team (and some refugees too) this episode.

1. There’s a fine line between being protective and being smothering and Sokka has hopped, jumped, and skipped right over it.

Zuko’s not wearing his blue spirit mask. Not that he needs it, he and Jet work together like cogs in a machine. Ironic lol
Ow! Geez, that rejected hug hurt me lol Katara’s right though. Bottling up emotions just makes them worse in the long run. You have to allow yourself to feel bad sometimes. Granted, you can’t fly off the handle like he did last episode, but that’s a reaction. You can control your reactions, but you can’t control your feelings.
“It’s a beautiful moon.” “Yeah, it really is.” Okay, I know Sokka said last episode that Yue is the moon, but he was tripping on peyote. Does he actually believe that Yue is the moon now? Is Yue the moon now? I interpreted her death as he sacrificing herself to bring the moon spirit back to life, not to become the new moon spirit.
“Who is this guy? Is he taller than me?” Dude, we were having a moment. Damn it, just kiss her! Well actually, the moon’s right there so if Yue really did turn into the new moon spirit, it might be a tad awkward to kiss in front of her. But what’s he gonna do, only ever show intimacy during the day?

1. Um… I’m probably reading too much into this Smellerbee scene with Iroh and Longshot and I’m almost hesitant to say what I’m thinking because I can just imagine the backlash I could get for voicing it. And it’s not like ATLA has had great LGBTQ representation up to this point, so… Yeah, I’m probably just seeing things that aren’t there.

You know, I’ve never really cared a lot about Jet as a character (in fact, I’m kind of surprised to see him again. I figured he’d be a one-off character) but I am really enjoying his scenes with Zuko and Iroh. They have so much in common, which is probably the point of this whole juxtaposition. If he only knew who they really were lol
Of course Iroh believes in second chances. He’s the best. And also, he’s living proof that some people deserve a second chance.

1. Uh… Katara parting the sea while leading refugees to safety invokes a certain comparison, doesn’t it? But can I just say that I love how her solution to crossing the gap is to literally walk through the ocean instead of making a raft out of ice and floating across. She just never misses an opportunity to flex on everyone, does she? Lol

Momo continuing his pattern of trying to kill every small animal he sees is something I’ve come to treasure.
Is that the unagi?! I think that’s what it’s called/spelled but I haven’t seen that episode in a while. It would be fitting if Suki and the sea serpent both share the same episodes lol No that’s not the unagi. It’s a different color. Um… what exactly was Sokka planning to do if the sea serpent actually accepted his offer and ate Momo? Considering how he reacted to losing Appa, I don’t think Aang would be too happy with him.
Oh, now she’s making an ice bridge. Not as much of a flex as maintaining an air bubble so they plumb the depths but it is faster. Oh, Toph can’t see on ice. And she can’t swim? An earthbender not being able to swim feels like a stereotype for some reason, even though I have absolutely no reason to think that lol
“You can go ahead and let me drown now.” That’s gonna be a favorite joke of mine, I just know it lol And I’m pretty sure this is probably a jumping point for a Sokka/Toph ship. What does the community call that? Soph? Tokka? (How old is Toph, anyway? Probably Aang’s age, right? That’s… probably not an appropriate ship then)

1. Why does Ba Sing Se’s wall remind me of The Wall from Game of Thrones? Obviously not made of ice though lol

Okay, time for ATLA’s viewers to experience the miracle of childbirth!

1. Like I said earlier, ATLA isn’t heavy on the LGBTQ representation, but I swear I’m picking up on some tension and chemistry between Jet and Zuko (Juko? Jeko? Zet?). And now half of Jet’s little group is an LGBTQ allegory for me lol Even the dialogue between Jet and Zuko in this scene is slightly suggestive.

So… can Katara waterbend the baby out or…
Baby Hope, eh? Probably not a super common name in this world.
Oh? Was that Aang’s way of telling Katara he loves her without actually saying it? Aww. And hey, he’s heading off on his own to search for Appa. Which… honestly kind of feels like he should have been doing that this whole time lol
Yes! Get some, Sokka! Wait, nevermind. I fucking hate that line. Ugh No! I’m not gonna be a bitter old lady on this watch-through! They’re kissing and it’s very sweet and I love that for them!
Um… there’s a giant metal dildo on the way to penetrate Ba Sing Se! Lol but seriously, how technologically advanced is the Fire Nation? A giant mobile drill of that scale would be a marvel of engineering even by our modern standards.

1. Well hey, there’s the title card letting me know when the next episode starts.

Woah, the way the drill moves is so cool! I’m legitimately wondering if such a thing would actually be possible in our world with our physics. I don’t know why we would want to, but still. And of course Azula’s leading this attack. She gets all the best opportunities. And she’s smart too! The war minister guy is dismissive of the earthbenders, believing his drill to be impervious to earthbending attacks. You can practically smell the hubris. But Azula leaves nothing to chance and she sends her girls out to neutralize any potential threat.
And this is why we love Azula. She’s not just a scary villain, she’s a competent villain.

1. And the Earth Kingdom general shares the War Minister’s hubris. Why are the people in charge always the worst people to be in charge? Also, I love that Toph is the one to point out that Iroh broke through the wall.

So the Earth Kingdom’s elite Terra Team force were taken out by two teenage nonbenders from the Fire Nation in about twenty seconds. How have they lasted this long? Lol (I say two, but let’s be honest. Ty Lee’s doing the heavy lifting here)
Yes! I love that they acknowledge Sokka as the “Idea Guy”!
Iroh has got rizz for days lol I’m kind of surprised he only ever had one son. Jet wants to recruit Zuko. I’m totally down for that! They’re such an interesting pair!

1. I really love that Katara, whose probably the best waterbender in the world at this point, respects Ty Lee enough to recognize how dangerous she is. And Sokka had an idea! They’re going to take down the drill from the inside. Because how the hell else are they going to stop something that big?

Again with the underestimation! I swear Azula’s the only competent person in the entire Fire Nation military since Iroh retired.
Okay, engineer Sokka figured it out. It’s all a little too easy, isn’t it?

1. Ah shit, Jet just realized the truth, because Iroh used firebending to heat up his tea lol I think he’s getting a little too relaxed.

Okay, just the fact that they slice through metal with water at all is pretty impressive. And the drill has reached the wall, and Azula still doesn’t look impressed.
Oh yeah, I guess this is a pretty high stakes battle for them, huh? If they lose Ba Sing Se, they basically lose the entire Earth Kingdom, right? Omashu’s already fallen, the smaller villages and whatnot have no real defense. Ba Sing Se is the last big puzzle piece to world domination (aside from the water tribes, but they’re so isolated they’re not really a threat).
I love that Toph’s nickname for Aang is Twinkle Toes. Also I laughed at the War Minister’s face when he was side-eyeing Azula just then. +That’s the face of a man who’s about to be punished!

1. lol Sokka’s the only one with more rizz than Iroh! Maybe a legitimate battle strategy here would be to woo Ty Lee into switching sides? Aside from Azula she seems to be the most dangerous one. No offense to Mai, but she is kind of the odd woman out here.

Oh please let me get Aang and Azula 1v1! I really badly want to see how he fares against her without everyone else helping him. He’ll probably have to use the Avatar State to defeat her.
Ty Lee dives into the slurry after Katara and Sokka while Mai refuses. Yeah, Mai is the weak link here in Ozai’s Angels (I love that name, by the way).

1. Did Aang seriously think the general was going to hear him from that high up? Lol Toph’s helping Katara bend the slurry (how convenient that it’s both water and earth!). Ty Lee’s still trapped in it and the drill is about to blow. If I hadn’t learned my lesson on the last post, I’d probably be worried she might die in the explosion. But this is a kid’s show, she’ll be fine.

Here we go! Aang vs Azula! Her fighting style is so elegant. Every move she makes feels on purpose, if that makes sense. Like, whenever Aang fought Zuko, Zhao, or NPC firebenders their style is a little more chaotic and fearsome and rawr, you know? But Azula’s totally calm. Everything she’s doing feels calculated, and it’s working! If she hadn’t had to dodge that boulder after blasting Aang back she might have been able to deliver a finishing blow!
She beat him! He’s unconscious! Okay, well not anymore lol See… that right there was hubris (actually, it was kid’s show writing but whatever)! He was out for like fifteen seconds. She should have roasted him where he lay instead of picking him up and gloating.
Another fight with Azula ends in a draw with neither one beating the other! I’m starting to get a little peeved with all this edging lol but that was great! Azula is an absolute beast!

1. Okay, the way Aang hammered that rock spike into the drill was pretty epic. Mai’s “We lost” (and thank you for your contribution to the fight, Mai lol) is interesting. It’s true, they did lose. Not in the combat sense, Aang couldn’t beat Azula, but he didn’t have to. He just had to hold her off. Maybe that’s kind of a metaphor for the Fire Nation military in general. It’s very powerful, but it’s also marred by incompetence and weaknesses. Many of its generals are prideful and blind to their own weaknesses, or just outright incompetent. Look at this fight: even Mai just kind of gave up halfway through. If Ty Lee wasn’t trapped in the slurry, she might very well have been able to beat Katara, Sokka, and Toph, especially since they don’t Appa this time to bail them out. And if Mai had been with her, she might have been to break Katara’s concentration with a thrown weapon, thus freeing Ty Lee from the slurry.

I wondered how the Earth Kingdom lasted so long and maybe that’s just it. They can’t beat the Fire Nation, but they don’t have to. They just have to hold them off and the Fire Nation’s own shortcomings will end up beating themselves. It’s a hundred year stalemate.

1. Looks like Jet’s going to be causing a problem for Iroh and Zuko. I wonder if his relationship with them is what’s going to finally let him realize that not all Fire Nation people are inherently evil?

Hey, that’s Baby Hope! And Iroh gets to fawn over her too and I love that for him. You know, if Aang defeats the Fire Nation in a timely manner, Hope might actually get to grow up in a world at peace. Well, kind of. I’m sure there’s going to be massive issues with racism from generations of propaganda painting the other side as inhuman, huge demands for reparations, not to mention the territories the Fire Nation currently occupies. It’s been so long that there must be at least two generations of Fire Nation citizens who were born in and grew up in the Earth Kingdom, and I’m sure there’s been interbreeding with the Earth Kingdom people, because that’s what always happens with colonizers. Once they become established, genocide is pretty much the only way to get rid of them, and I doubt the Avatar is going to allow that.
So Hope’s probably going to grow up in pretty interesting times!
Um… is Ba Sing Se a city or is it a little walled country? Cuz all I see are farms and plains!
Katara, I love you, but you’re wrong. Team Avatar is going to catch on because it’s awesome, and that’s that.
Episode 13- City of Walls and Secrets

1. Oh, there’s an inner wall. So Ba Sing Se is kind of like the country in Attack on Titan! Oh yeah, in all of the excitement I almost forgot about Appa. Seriously, how many episodes has he been missing now? Damn, now that’s a city!

Yeah… something’s up with Joo Dee.
Walls inside that help maintain order? You mean walls that protect the rich and elite from the dirty poors? Lol Oh, Katara just confirmed it. They pen up all the poor people into a walled ghetto.

1. lol when Iroh’s talking about someone bringing home a lady friend, does he mean himself? Or Zuko? It is really interesting how their views of Ba Sing Se differ though. Iroh’s talking about getting a home, socializing, building a life, and he’s even found them jobs! Zuko sees the same situation as a prison.

Well, I’m glad Jet’s turning over a new leaf by letting the authorities handle things. Too bad I don’t trust the authorities to be any better.
Toph knows what’s up. Joo Dee is purposefully brushing Sokka off and distracting the group. I’m not sure why at the moment, but something is clearly up.

1. Of course they’re going to work in a tea shop! Lol Zuko’s right btw, all tea is hot leaf juice. Well, except for the teas that are hot root juice.

The cultural authority of Ba Sing Se, who guard their traditions and are called the Dai Li. Yeah… maybe it’s my conservative religious upbringing but when I hear about people “guarding their traditions” I immediately think of abuse, propaganda, and oppression. Generally people who are obsessed with traditions tend to be conservatives, who by their very nature cannot allow progress or improvement.
Someone important is trying to keep them under constant surveillance and prevent them from seeing the Earth King. In NATLA, there were spies in Omashu. Since Ba Sing Se is much bigger and more important, I imagine it’s riddled with Fire Nation spies as well, and somebody high ranking might be a traitor.

1. Joo Dee is kind of scary lol and clearly the citizens are terrified of her. But what’s interesting to me is that she’s preventing them from giving information about Appa, which suggests that whoever is stopping them from seeing the Earth King also has Appa. But why? What would be the point of keeping Aang away from Appa? Is it to restrict his mobility and make him easier to capture?

So people aren’t allowed to talk about the war, and the Dai Li seem to be responsible. But why? If everyone knows there’s a war going on anyway, why keep people from talking about it?
It’s lucky that Iroh borrowed his neighbor’s spark rocks, but why would he refrain from firebending in what he assumes is privacy? Unless he knows he’s being watched.

1. Huh, is the king’s pet bear the first normal animal on the show? Lol I am digging this undercover plan though.

I love that this show lets its characters try on different looks from time to time, even if they are mostly the same outfits. Katara and Toph’s high society get-ups are gorgeous!
The lost boys- I mean, freedom fighters are turning on Peter Pa- I mean, Jet. The weird thing is… he’s right! They are firebenders! But his behavior still isn’t healthy!

1. Okay, let’s go! Jet’s hurling accusations and attacking them in public! And now Zuko’s fighting back with swords. It’s the duel of the dual-wielders! Honestly, this is probably good for Zuko. He needs to blow off some steam after everything he’s been through.

Well how about that? Security at the palace is actually competent and Toph can’t bluff her way in.
This Long Feng guy is cultural minister to the king, which means he’s probably the bad guy! And also we haven’t met any other high ranking government officials with names, so he’s currently the only option lol

1. Geez, Zuko straight up intended to decapitate Jet right there. If Jet were a little slower, he would have! Man, I hope they do this fight scene in NATLA.

Uh-oh, scary lady Joo Dee is the scared one now. But can I just say how much I like her facial expressions?
Yeah… can’t blame them for arresting Jet. He did look like a crazy person.
The Dai Li’s specific brand of earthbending is very cool! It almost doesn’t seem like bending at all, if that makes sense. The stones they use are like a part of their own body. And of course Long Feng is their leader.
Okay I get the king is just a puppet and Long Feng is the real rule of the country, but I still don’t understand why he doesn’t allow mention of the war in the city. I mean, it’s common knowledge! A significant portion of their population are literally refugees fleeing war! Who doesn’t know
Oh… is it the king? Does the king just not know there’s a war happening and Long Feng keeps it from him so he can stay in charge? I mean, that’s still a stretch but it would explain why he doesn’t want Team Avatar talking to the king.

1. Jet is being hypnotized. Also, I do want to point out that I have seen “There is no (whatever) in Ba Sing Se” many times in the wild lol it’s nice to see where it comes from!

Ah… Long Feng is holding Appa as leverage over Aang.
I didn’t think Joo Dee could be any scarier but here we are! This episode almost has horror movie vibes.
Concluding thoughts: This was a fantastic couple/throuple of episodes! I loved seeing Suki again, and I really enjoyed how the refugee subplot ties so perfectly in with Iroh and Zuko. The whole drill sequence was probably the best “action” the show has had thus far and that’s saying something. It’s also nice to have my suspicions that the Earth Kingdom has its own corruption problems and bad guys confirmed.
I have a new theory to replace my “Iroh’s going to die theory”. They’ve been showing us all season how Zuko isn’t really cut out for life on the run, whereas Iroh embraces it. I think they’re driving to a separation between Zuko and Iroh. He may not have died, but narratively speaking Zuko and Iroh have to part ways permanently or semi-permanently for his character to grow. Iroh has been propping him up and supporting him this whole time, now it’s time for Zuko to leave the nest and become his own person.
My new theory is that Iroh will enjoy his new life in Ba Sing Se so much that he elects to stay there permanently, whereas Zuko is too restless to do so. He can’t go back to the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom will not accept him, so his only choice is to join Team Avatar, where he will likely end up teaching Aang firebending.
And to expand further on a previous theory of mine, which was: Azula will kill or depose Ozai. I’ve accepted at this point that death is off the table. Kid’s show and all that. But I noticed something… lots of people were quick to say that Azula would never kill Ozai. But not one person has said she wouldn’t depose him in those refutations (unless I’m misremembering but I don’t think I am). Since you all know not to hint at things or spoil them, I think your eagerness to point out that she won’t kill Ozai is an attempt to mislead me into thinking the whole theory is wrong so I’ll be surprised when she ends up deposing (not killing) him. I mean, I could be wrong but I have a strong feeling that the final villain is going to be Fire Lord Azula, with Ozai in exile somewhere (that would be fitting! The man who banishes his own son ends up being banished himself!).
Maybe that will even be the conclusion of Zuko’s arc! While Aang goes off to save the world from Azula, Zuko splits up to confront Ozai himself! Where we are in the show right now, it really does feel like Azula is Aang’s primary antagonist whereas Ozai is Zuko’s primary antagonist.
By the way, from here on out, no confirming or denying my theories either way, okay? Let it unfold naturally, and let me figure things out on my own. I mean, where’s the fun in just giving me the answers?
And also, some of you could be a little nicer with your criticisms. I had to block someone last time I posted and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s fine to disagree with me, it’s fine to explain why you disagree with me. Hell, most of you do! I don’t mind that, I like that we all have different views of things even if I don’t agree. It makes things interesting! But don’t talk down to me, don’t use belittling language, don’t be disrespectful. Whenever I don’t like something about ATLA (or like something about NATLA) some of you seem to take it as a personal insult or something.
Just be polite, that’s all I ask.
Okay, I’ll see you same time next week probably!

My ex-boyfriend of 1.5 year broke up with me because he lost feelings for me. He said he stopped feeling excited about seeing me and couldn't see a future with me anymore.
I met up with him again, 2 months after the breakup and after 1 month of no contact. We agreed to meet up so he can answer any question I have and give me back my stuff.
We met up for 3 hours and I asked the questions I wanted to ask, which was good for my healing. But then we also reminisced about the good times we had together, we joked, we laughed, we teased each other, we both cried a lot and we hugged a lot too. I keep thinking about the way he held me in his arms to comfort me, how he kept crying the whole time, how he nestled me against him when we were sat on this bench, how he took my face in his hands and reassured me that I'm gonna be alright eventually, how he rested his forehead against mine while hugging me, how he kissed my forehead, how he bursted into tears when I kissed his cheek, how he told me that I'll always be his little kitty (it's the nickname he gave me when we were together), how he held my hand tight before leaving, how at the last minute before leaving he rushed back in my arms to hug me one last time. It was so emotional, I cry every time I think about it. I'll never get over him.
How can he act this way yet decide to leave anyway? How can act he act this way yet say he has no feelings left, that he doesn't love me anymore, and that there's no point clinging on to the hope of getting back together in the future? He said I did nothing wrong, that there wasn't anything wrong with us, so why did he leave me like that?? I just can't wrap my head around it. He just offered to be there for me if I need him and to stay friends.
I know he's young and I'm his first everything, but still. That's so cruel, but at the same time it's not cruel enough, if that makes sense. I'm devasted and I feel like I'm back to square one of the healing process. I want him back so badly.

I'm looking for advice on what I could possibly do to help my best friend( nickname Debby) enjoy her first camping experience. Essentially, her boyfriend wants to join my other best friend (nickname frank) on a quick and easy over night camp out this summer. I want to make the experience decent for her so then shed want to camp out more often with us. But being a man, and one who'd camped in everything from a canvas tent, to a hammock and tarp. I don't exactly know what I could try to do to help her not hate the experience. Lucky Debby is willing to give it a shot and I'm looking forward to hanging out with her and her boyfriend. I just don't want a shitty experience to turn her off of ever doing it again.

I'm worried, and I'm sad, as I have this weird feeling that my dear sister is already gone, and there's nothing I can do to get her back. I come from a family of 3 siblings : my sister June (28F), me (25F) and my brother Alex (21M). We also took in our cousin Ariane (17F) when she was younger as her parents' divorce was very rocky. She was with us from 10 to 15 yo. I have to admit June was always more of a mother to us 3 than our own mother. Our parents were great and provided us with everything we needed, but they were not really available for us. My mother was a workaholic and suffered from work-related injuries. Her right arm was left paralyzed from this. My father worked everyday, even on weekends, and he would be gone from 7am to 7pm.
June was left doing everything in the house since she was at least 12 yo : cooking meals, chores, groceries,... She was the one we would wake up in the night when we were feeling ill, or had an "accident". She was the one who would bandage us up when we fell. She was the one comforting us when we were sad or had a nightmare. She was the one who helped us do our homework and recite our lessons. She always made sure we were happy and safe. It's useless to say that we adored her.
I hate to admit that I began to resent her growing up. I was jealous of my friend's sisters who would take them on shopping sprees, had boyfriends and went to parties. While the only outing June allowed herself was her part-time job as a groomer in a nearby ranch. She only had 1 friend she never saw, and her social skills were terrible. She was shy, socially awkward, and had a hard time outside of the house. She never told us, but I think she hated school. When she turned 18, she began to work full time at the ranch. And even then, she would came back home and do all the chores and take care of us 3 teens. My boyfriend always calls her Snow White. Anytime he would visit, she'd be scrubbing the floor, ironing, cooking,... And she was always humming or singing, surrounded by our pets. We thought it was cute, and never realized she was overworked.
There was an incident when my brother found her passed out in the bathroom. She would always stay close to 1 hour in the bathroom in the evening. We used to joke that she had to scrub every inch of her body to get rid of the manure stench. Once, she forgot to lock the bathroom, and Alex got in. He found her asleep on the floor, laying on a bath towel. She later admitted she was sometimes so tired she'd actually had a 40 minutes nap on the bathroom floor, then 20 minutes to shower and get ready. She said it was because it was the only place our parents will not bother her, but now I think we also had our responsibility in this. One by one, we left the house. Al moved to the city with his girlfriend to pursue their music career, and they are doing great. I moved in with my boyfriend of 8 years and we are engaged, and Ariane went back to her father. June was left alone with our parents. She cried every time one of us would move out, she seemed so happy that it turned out great for us. When our father retired, June was 26 and finally felt comfortable leaving the house as well. She bought a small bungalow in the countryside. Our father was worried as the location is pretty isolated, but June has a big dog, and it's only a 10 minutes drive from their house. We thought she was doing great, and she was finally in her element. We saw each other at family events, and she seemed still tired, but serene. One month ago, Alex wanted us to reunite for old time's sake, the four of us and our s.o. June invited us to her bungalow, it had been a while since we all went there together. She had dressed a beautiful table, and we could see she had put her heart in a delicious meal as always. However, her behavior was very off... She was very quiet, and had a sad smile. Like her mouth was smiling, but her eyes were like... lifeless. She seemed very "cautious" around us. Walking on eggshells all the time. Like she was talking, but adding "I hope it's okay if I say that " or "You don't have to tell me if it's to personal". Alex' girlfriend's name is Annabelle. "You want more wine, Ann ... oops. Hope it's okay if I call you Ann, Sorry, I know some people don't like when you use nicknames".
The way she dresses also changed. She used to wear dresses all the time. Girly dresses, with flowers and frills. But now she wears large baggy pants and simple black tops. She has like a dozen in her bathroom. I also found antidepressants in her bathroom while looking for a towel. It worries me. She's always been the strong one, the pillar of the family. She never told anyone about mental health issues she might have. When we were outside, a murder of crows landed in her garden. One of them was on the fence and she told it "Not today yet, friend". She then turned to us and said "He's waiting for me to drop dead so he can eat my eyes, the rascal". There are spiders everywhere in the house. Don't get me wrong, the house is squeaky clean, but the spiders remained untouched. My boyfriend tried to smash one above the sink, and June screamed "No !! Leave Betty alone, she's a friend!". She pretended it was because the spiders keep the fly and mosquitoes outside. But I have a weird feeling. Ariane asked to see the large cabinet in which June exposed some wooden miniatures she builds. It's really cute. But we noticed she also got into resin, and in one of the drawers was a collection of dead insects preserved in resin. It was never in her character to do something like that, and Al joked about the kind of "Jeffrey Dahmer" hobby this was. She got defensive, and told us the bugs were already dead, she just preserved them in resin for whatever reason. Something weird also, she talks to an "entity" in her house. Apparently it locked her in the attic once, bangs on doors, and plays with the lightbulbs in the house. I don't believe in paranormal at all. But when we were eating, the kitchen light began to flicker. June sighed and said "Come on, sir. I have guests. Stop now". And just like that, it stopped. Ariane was pale as a sheet, she's very into ghosts and stuff. June didn't elaborate further than "Don't worry, he's annoying but harmless". Alex had taken his guitar with him. He asked June if she'd be down to sing with him for old time's sake. June would never have passed an occasion to sing. But she pretended she had a sore throat, and "maybe next time". I don't know. She's not the sister I used to know. I worry something wrong is going on. I talked about it to Alex, who said she was just tired, and maybe she missed us, which is why she looked so nostalgic. I also aksed my boyfriend, who thinks now she had more free time, so her creative side is expanding. And even if it's in a way we don't like, who should just be glad for her. I didn't talk to Ariane about it, she's young and I don't want her to worry. But I can't help but think about June. She's not the same person. We used to hug a lot, but now she seemed tense when I hugged her goodbye. Almost... scared. I need to talk to someone about this. But I don't know who. I can't force her to see a therapist. Hell, I don't even know if something's wrong with her, or if I'm just overreacting. I send her some messages, and she always replies with smileys and "take care". But I don't know. Maybe we staid away from her too long, she's feeling alone, something in her broke... It's like she's a ghost of her former self. A shell. I'm so scared she might do something bad to herself.

I'm really sorry for the misleading title, but its been a weird couple of weeks and I need some help.
I have known after a lot of teenage struggle that I am at the least bisexual, but I also was a very late bloomer and this teenage struggle occurred when I was around 16 and 17. I didn't start even considering dating until I was 16, and didn't enter a real relationship until I was 18, right around the same time I was coming to terms with the fact that I liked women.
I am very inexperienced with relationships in general. My boyfriend is the fourth man I've ever been on a date with, and the only man I've seen continually in my life. We have been dating for a little over a year now, but has been long distance (because of my schooling situation) for the last 10 out of the 14 months we've been dating, seeing each other for a weekend once every two months or so. We speak on the phone at least once a day and text constantly, and he has become my best friend and closest confidant. I genuinely love him and he is head over heels for me.
However, lately, it has seemed like everyone in my life is either getting married themselves or have concerned themselves with my own unmarried-ness. Every family gathering, every conversation with my brother ("are you engaged yet"), living in a place where marriage culture has permeated everyones brains- and it's starting to kill me. I've known my whole life that my worth is independent of my relationships with men, which sometimes created friction in my conservative Christian upbringing, but when everyone around me wants me to have a ring on my finger it at the very least feels weird! he has dropped subtle hints that he wants to get married and I am a little afraid he is going to surprise me with a proposal before we have discussed any of the things that are important to marriage (kids, finances, the rest of our educations).
Another growing pressure is that I have noticed that I have created this alter ego of myself here in my college town, and she is someone I really enjoy being. She has a cool nickname, dresses well, and I guess most importantly, isn't afraid to look a little queer with her opinions or look. She is a little more open about her sexuality than I've ever been to my boyfriend or the people I know back home, because it feels like here I can be the exact version of myself I want to be without hurting anybody simply by being a more authentic version of myself. A side effect of this is that I've been hit on by women a few times, and when it happened for the first time, something in me clicked. I turned her down quickly (because again I am actively seeing someone and that would be wrong as well as cheating, and I love my boyfriend) but it didn't make the feeling go away that maybe if I hadn't entered the relationship I am in right now right as I was figuring out who I was, I would've explored my sexuality more, if at all. If I wasn't dating him right now, I think I would've said yes.
On one hand, I don't want to give up something good because I might be gay. I've never been on a date with a woman, but I know I am attracted to them. Some of the more intimate parts of our relationship took a while, but I assumed that it was because I was inexperienced and afraid of doing it wrong, not because I was actually gay and a little internally repulsed. I love him, but I can't say with my full chest that I am in love with him, and that alone makes me fear that I am hurting him. But he is a wonderful man, genuinely, who deserves the world and more. I would rather hurt myself than hurt him in a heartbeat.
On the other hand, this part of me that knows that I feel so guilty when I wake up from a wet dream about a woman or cries about thinking a woman is pretty as a knee-jerk reaction, and that the only way to not hurt him is break up and let him find someone who can love him with her whole entire heart, forever. He is my best friend, and I don't want to hurt him. I also don't know if being terrified of the idea of marriage is because of outside pressure to get married and give up my education to start having kids or if its because I am a lesbian. I just don't know what to do.
TLDR: I have dated a man for a year and suspect he plans to propose soon. I am terrified of the idea of getting married, but I don't know if it's because of outside pressure or if it's because I am gay.

So I am ‘19F’ and my boyfriend is ‘18M’ and we have been dating for 2 years now. I wouldn’t usually come to Reddit for relationship advice I would first talk to him but I honestly don’t know how to talk to him because uase I feel like I already am insecure a lot in our relationship and I don’t wanna keep asking him question or brining things up because I don’t want him to get upset. My boyfriend is best friends with these girls and he is the only guy in chat he keeps it on mute but recently I saw it and they talked in it more then I know. There is this one girl who he has been friends with since kindergarten and he talks with her a lot which I wouldn’t mind but he and her hide things from me. She has blocked me from seeing her instagram stories before, her and my boyfriend and one of there friends have gone out to lunch and he never told me, he had a birthday parties and invited her but then I had to ask if I could go, I once saw a snap he sent telling her she looked good with no makeup on and when I confronted him about it he was like it was just a joke I didn’t mean it which I found weird and he would get kinda upset with me when asked him about it, he likes all her instagram posts and her spam posts, I saw one time when he told her that he wasn’t into white girls anymore (I am white and the friend is black) and she was like your gf is white and he was like yeah but if I get into another relationship she probably won’t be white, she showed up to his house with a gift for him, had a birthday gift shipped to his house, he has a nickname for her that he call her when they text. He also gets frustrated every time I bring her up because thinks I am overreacting but idk. I would feel better if maybe she made more of an effort to be friends with me but she doesn’t. He is also in a group chat with her and two other of there friends and he keeps it muted from me but they talk a lot in it. There is this one girl who they are all friends with and when me and my boyfriend broke up he immediately got with her and that also bothers me even though we have worked it out after we got back together I am always scared that they are going to convince him to get back with this girl. As a girl I feel like I can tell when girls have bad intentions and I’ve tried to tell my boyfriend that but he just thinks I am being controlling. I’ve told him before that when he likes her selfies he posts on instagram it makes me uncomfortable mftable especially since he told her she looks pretty with no makeup but he got kinda upset and told me that the likes meant nothing and basically that he isn’t ’t going to stop. I wanna trust him but I know he has hide stuff from me before and so I am always scared that he still his. He said that he doesn’t tell me things because ase he thinks I’ll get upset at him. I told him that I want him to tell me everything I just get mad when he lies and then I find out but I am only mad because he lied. Some of these things happened before we left for college and since being at school our relationship has grown a lot but some of these insecurities are still there, I don’t know what to do about the situation?

My name is not important. I was born January 2nd, 1993 with Cerebral Palsy. My mother and father were loving in raising me at an early age. So loving in fact, that my five year old sister became resentful of me and mistreated me for the next 15 years of my life. She would often treat me like I was useless, or ignore what I needed. I remember being 6 in the Santa Claus Day Parade with skin tight pajamas on in -15 weather. The doctor said I could've had hypothermia. I remember being 7 and watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame, with her saying "see, that's you!" as my mother bought me the Quasimodo doll. I remember being told that I would "Never make it" in highschool because I was a loser in her eyes.
This is where the problems started.
I can forgive my sister, for what happened, and have since move past it, but the self deprecation started there. It did not help that for a lot of my childhood, my father was clinically depressed and rarely talked about my life or needs or concerns. I still remember in February, 14, 2001 when Dale Earnhardt died him curled up into a ball on the couch. He became depressed for many years. I also got molested by my cousin around this time (which was a fun memory to remember)
With a Depressed father and antagonistic sister. My growing up life was less then ideal. Of course it didn't help that when my friends would come over for a sleepover, my sister would make fun of me. It taught them how to use my own insecurities and vulnerabilities against me, and it was pretty easy. Getting a word in edge wise while having a physical disability is pretty tough, and its even tougher when everyone labels you the goofy dumbass of the group.
This kept getting worse and worse until high school, where my friends would simply demean me. I felt like I couldn't compare to them, and they just wanted to see me do funny things. I quickly taught myself to be the court jester in order to crave attention: constantly demeaning myself in order to achieve the goals I needed to achieve. Demeaning myself was the only way I had control in a body that I couldn't control.
By Grade 12, I truly did hate myself. I got all the attention I ever wanted. Heck I even won Prom King. But still, people did not treat me as their equal. I was always the stupid one. This coupled with the fact that no girl was interested in me was very frustrating.
I went into University with the hopes of dating. I met a girl who was super Christian. Like the whole "I don't drink and have premarital sex" schpiel. She said if I became religous like her she would "definetely" fall madly in love with her. So I went to her church, did everything I asked, all for her to say at the end of it "No I can't date you. And I can't do it because your disability would be a burden on me". Might as well just killed me right there and then. But I moved forward
By the end of university I had graduated and become a school teacher. I soon then met my ex Girlfriend Christine. Christine also had Cerebral Palsy and lived in British Columbia. I fell for her. She fell for me. We would talk virtually for hours and we were both happy.
Until one day that happiness turned to abuse. Every weekend I would spend 4-6 hours helping her with her schoolwork, only for her to say that I was "selfish" and "not trying hard enough". Due to my depreciation of myself by most in my life, I believed her. And so I was now in a cycle of being with someone who would only show me love when I did things for her. Sometimes I would get emails that said "I wish I could hit you". And somehow, I kept going
She pressured me to move to British Columbia to be with her 3 years later. There was no way she could move to me. Her mother (who I believe now is a narcissist), would always get involved in our conversations and the two would gang up on me, beating down any kind of backbone I could have. As her mother said to me once, "Remember Darrell, I always get my way"
I moved to BC. in July 2022 I felt relief at first as I thought I would never have to fear Christine again. I mistook my elation for freedom, when in actuality it is submission. As soon as I got to BC, I began to be heavily abused by her mother and her. Her mother for example, called me the nickname "boy". Like "Hey boy, go get something out of the fridge". She also once yelled at me for saying "Hi" to her in a text, because that was disrespectful and I am "Not like one of your students".
It just kept getting worse. Every day I would trudge over to Christine's house (a 1.5 km walk), and I woud sit with her and help her with feeding, or video games, or art, or schoolwork. I became enmeshed in her life, considered myself co-dependent. I didn't think about my needs or wants anymore, only hers. After all, that's what I thought being a good boyfriend was. I went home in September for a week. Christine was angry with me, calling me not dedicated enough. She would call me a piece of shit when she was mad at me.
I started thinking I was co-dependent. I even made A reddit post about it here:
https://www.reddit.com/AmItheAsshole/comments/xaesky/aita_for_going_home_and_seeing_my_parents_instead/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This should've been the biggest hint looking back, but I kept thinking that I was the problem. So I went back home and I read a book about Codepedency. Eventually I contacted the author and sat with her for a session. I wrote the following in my Explanation to her:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1alWZHZW8oCY3qJrQCLZ86Me1K_vuQqTM/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100060198783867941141&rtpof=true&sd=true
And you want to know what she said when I asked for a solution? "I don't know". Because if someone is codependent on you (as I realize now my girlfriend was with me), the whole point is to make them do thing independently. Except you can't do that with someone with a disability. So, I'm now entering a territory where solutions to my problems DON'T EVEN EXIST.
September and October go by. Christine and I talk about me being more independent. She says she agrees but then goes back to her old ways. I ask her in November, "Can I go home to see my parents?" she responds with "I guess you're not committed to me". And accuses me of being a Mama's boy. Her mother gets in on this, and when I say my sacrafices should prove my dedication to her, she responds with "she's sacraficed by waiting for you". So I am convinced and I tell my parents I am not coming home. My parents get even more worried that I am getting controlled (and I am). My sister gets involved. She tells me I'm no longer part of the family because I keep going back and forth between going and not going. She thinks I am being abused. She's totally right, but at this point I am being brainwashed to think that I am not enough and need to prove it to Christine and her mother. She tells me to "not bother coming home". So I now have 3 people constantly calling me a shitty person: My sister hates me because I am not coming home. Christine hates me because I am not good enough for her, and her mother, Nansey is reinforcing all of this heavily.
To make matters worse, Nansey is constantly age regressing me. If I want to go to a movie with Christine, I must schedule it with her mother. If I want to stay over and cuddle Christine, she must call her mother in approval. I can only take the route home she approves walking home, otherwise she will get angry at me. I must keep my apartment tidy at all times. She wants me to buy certain foods. She will tell me if I am being fair to Christine or not. Lots of Triangulation between the 3 of us: some in my favor, some not, but always with her mother in control. If I get mad, her mother says that I have anger issues.
With these three forces constantly pulling me, I begin to develop CPTSD. It is a 4-way psychological abuse, where I must pick between my family (with a member who hates me), and my best friend (who Ashley has gotten involved) or my partner (who also hates me). Either way I am screwed. A paradox. So the tug of war begins for the next few months. My body is storing all of this trauma, not knowing what to do with it. I begin to experience dissociation, and derealization. I remember putting my hand on a stove to see if I could feel it (Thanks Kanye for that idea). My cerebral palsy is already brain damage, so we are now adding brain damage on top of brain damage.
My cerebral Palsy coupled with CPTSD begins to destroy my body. I am constantly tight due to CP, and now the PTSD gets added to the mix and I need the hardest dopamine hits imaginable to stay alive. I turn to pornography and masturbation as an outlet, acting like a feral animal in order to stay afloat. Every Saturday, I begin my night after seeing Christine by getting an edible, wearing a diaper (which I found self soothing however fucked up it is), and I masturbate.
But as the pressure begins to get to be too much, I start getting addicted to crazier and crazier pornography in order to keep myself alive. I am fully dissociating when I do this, because I don't want to feel anything. I basically become suicidal and think to myself "what's the point of even existing" and start doing anything to get that hit. It is at this point I begin to turn to CP (yes that kind) in order to fulfill my urges.
I go home at Christmas. My sister is still angry at me and I am scared of being around her too. She gets my best friend to yell at me and they both make me feel like shit. On New Years Eve, I write a suicide letter. I have full intentions to end it.
But I go back to BC and the trauma bonding continues. I keep telling Ashley that I know Christine is bad for me, but I can't have the confidence to end it. Of course, now I know that it is trauma bonding. This continues for another few months, as I try to make both sides happy.
In March, my sister wanted me to go to a MUSE concert, and so I secretly flew out to Ontario to see the concert, all while faking a background in my room to make it appear to my girlfriend like I was back home (this is how scared I was). After the concert, I get on a plane back to BC just so I can see my girlfriend for 2 DAYS, then fly back to Ontario for a week. Essentially I did 2 round trips from Ontario to BC in a 72 hour span, just to make other people happy while lying to both sides.
By April, Summer was fast approaching and I had very little money left. Nansey suggested at the age of 31 that I work at Red Seals Summer Camp, a job usually designed for teenagers. I realize I have to get out or I will be age regressed to forever.I decide to commit to my old job late April.
At the beginning of May, Christine yells at me from 10 AM, to 8 PM over texting because her mother wouldn't allow her to make a video call. When her mother leaves, she turns on video and yells at me until her worker forces her camera off No matter what I do, I can not make her happy. I know the end is approaching. I want to go over to her house to end it the next day, but she won't let me.
I leave to go see my parents on May 24 weekend. When I come back, Nansey will quarantine me for 2 weeks at my house. I need to break up with her face to face. And after a week, I get that chance
I meet them in public, in the park. Nansey comes over to me with a written list of demands and "stop signs" for the both of us. She demands that if either one of us get mad we hold up the stop signs. As soon as she leaves I listen to Christine talk and read her demands, On it? "When I am angry, please don't respond to me"
These aren't written by Christine, they're by her mother. I tell Christine that I cannot tell the difference between her and her mother. I tell her its over, and walk away with the stop sign and list of demands in hand. Nansey eventually finds me and rips these out of my hands. I am terrified. I run home and lock my doors. I type an account of everything that happens. I go to the police, but no crime has been committed according to them,
I am all alone in BC now with very few allies. I am terrified as Nansey could come any time she wants, I block her on everything so she cannot speak to me. But back in September, I gave my copy of the apartment contract to her to make photocopies. She keeps these and starts harassing my landlord. She says that whenever I drop items off at the house (to give Christine back her stuff) I am harassing them. I want to die, but as long as I stay in my house I am okay. I start selling my stuff hoping to go back home by July. I even start to heal a bit, but I am so terrified that I am constantly in a Freeze because of the looming threat of Nansey
And then the cops came and seized my house 2 weeks later. Throughout all of this time while being totally traumatized, totally terrified, and completely abused, I had used CP. They take me out in handcuffs and seize most of my electronics. I had used CP because while being abused I was suicidal and hated myself. An act of self destruction, taken to the max by a brain that had both Cerebral Palsy and CPTSD to manage. Also a way to masturbate and still get the cortisol out of my system.
I am in a cell for 6 hours. The police talk to me but I am barely in sane mind. The lawyer I talk to says that they'll just search my stuff. They find CP in a few areas. When they ask why, I only respond with the word "Innocence".
I am back in ontario now, its been 6 months and they're still doing the investigation. My life is over, and I don't think I had any control over any of it. And it was due to CP, CPTSD, and CP
I am pretty sure I will end my life, as after doing extensive research its nearly impossible to prove in Canadian court that Psychological Abuse caused either mental illness or automatism.
So this is how my life ends. I will be ending my life in just a few days. I have no idea whether I am a good person or not. Perhaps this is up for you to decide. But I am happy that my life is coming to an end. Nobody should have to go through what I have been through
Good night

In the beginning, SIL started using the same makeup products as me. I didn’t care about it at first. But afterwards she used the second part of my son’s nickname for her cat she adopted. I was annoyed because at that time I was pregnant and was planning to use it for my daughter.
I live in Taiwan so there are tons of groups that sell clothes and other stuff from various countries. People just comment under the item +1 to order. The most popular groups sell clothes from South Korea. I joined one of the groups and so did my friend. One day, I noticed that SIL was also in the group. I sometimes buy from the group and I have two favorite jackets and two pairs of pants that I bought last year. I haven been wearing them quite often since then.
Last week, I wore the pants and jacket to my MIL’s house. SIL pointed to them and said she had the same pants and jacket. This came as a surprise because I’ve been wearing them for at least a year. I pulled out my phone and asked if she bought them in the same group. She insisted no and showed me another website. But I had a feeling that she was lying. I did my research and she bought them last month from the same group. I took screenshots and wanna call her out so badly because I’m petty AF. Plus her lying about it seems like she intentionally knew I had the same ones and wanted them too.
She has a long distance boyfriend and keeps telling everyone that she’s getting married soon. MIL also keeps telling everyone SIL is getting married this year. They’re not even engaged. I wanna tell this guy to run since my in laws are entitled people (which is a whole ass story for another time.)

Name:

Artemis Aelius , Son of Apollo
Age: 15 (going on 16)
Pronouns/identity: he/him / male
Sexuality: pansexual
Height: 5'10"
Birthday: June 2nd
Personality:
He's really rather kind, and he expresses himself through music. He enjoys talking to people and is very outgoing. He's active to a degree, but prefers to just relax. He's more laid back, he doesn't get angry often but when he does you best watch yourself.
Physical Appearance:
He's blonde, long hair that has a kind of sun-swept look to it. His 'mother' is a drummer from Hawaii, so he gets his tanned skin from him. His eyes are a deep-ish green color, like the color of emeralds. And hes always wearing the necklace that was a gift through his dad from his other dad (Apollo). He's also rather muscular for someone who doesn't work out often. He also paints his nails often. On his forearm there's a tattoo of a sun.
Family:
Mortal Father: Keanu Aelius, a popular drummer from Hawaii that travels the world often. He told Artemis about his parentage when Arty was eleven.
Godly Father: Apollo, Artemis has never met him, but he does look up to him in a way. He's optimistic that perhaps he'll meet his father one day.
Grandma: Kailani Aelius, Keanu's mother. She's still living in Hawaii and Artemis and his father would visit often. She's a big part of Arty's life and he looks up to her. She taught him how to weave.
Uncle: Kai Aelius, Keanu's transgender brother. He travels with Keanu and Artemis, he's Keanu's manager. Artemis has a good relationship with him and the two often get into playful debates over different movie characters and musicals.
Father's Boyfriend: Amon Julians, Keanu's boyfriend and Artemis's future father in law. Arty sees Amon as a father figure, and while Arty was in a private school he lived with Amon. He was homeschooled while traveling, but Amon and Keanu agreed that Artemis needed a proper education, even for a little while.
Nicknames:
*Arty
*Art
*'My sun' (Keanu's 'nickname' for him)
*Moopuna (Grandson in Hawaiian, Kailani's nickname for him.)
Powers:
Major:
-Sound Manipulation
Minor:
•Legendary Sight
Domain:
~Charioteer Proficiency
~Star Writing
~Blindness Inducement
Weapons:
A sword usually, his necklace turns into a bow though, with a supply of arrows.
Extras:
-He plays guitar, but he dabbles in the other instruments.
-At his old school, almost all of the girls seemed to have crushes on him. To him it was weird, he felt like they were always watching him, but he enjoyed helping them anyway.
-He wants to be a doctor when he's older, but he does love instruments and singing.
-If you touch his guitar without permission, you best hope he doesn't kill you.
-his hair is soft and fluffy naturally.
-He unintentionally flirts, very often.
-When he or someone else got injured, he usually hopped right to fixing them up, no questions asked.
Past:
Artemis grew up travelling. Keanu was a moving man, always packing and driving off. But he did make time for Artemis, always. He loves his son dearly. And every year they'd visit Artemis's Grandma, Kailani, atleast 3 times. She'd take them on special trips while in Hawaii, and Artemis always loved it.
While Keanu, Kai (Artemis's uncle), and Artemis were staying in Pennsylvania, they met a man named Amon. Keanu and Amon hit it off and started seeing eachother, they were a long distance relationship most of the time but they did manage visits often.
When Artemis was eleven, Keanu came clean to him about his other parent. His father, Apollo. Artemis was shocked. He'd always been interest in Greek mythology, he knew almost everything there is to know. And his dad told him that his *Favorite** God was his dad? That was pure and utterly shocking. Keanu explained to Artemis why the necklace he wore was so important to wear, and now Artemis refuses to part with it.*
When he turned 12, Keanu voiced to Amon that he wants Arty to get a proper education, for even just a year. Amon agreed and Arty lived with him for 6th grade. During that time, Amon and Arty got closer and Artemis helped Amon plan a future proposal to his father. Amon didn't want to rush anything, so he hasn't proposed yet, but Artemis helped him plan it out for the future.
The Monster:
Artemis had been sitting outside his dad's van, waiting for his dad to return from the store down the road, when a hell hound attacked him. He'd grabbed the nearest thing, a metal pipe that was lying on the ground, and hit the hound over the head. It obviously did nothing. So Artemis, in a panic, attempted to use his necklace like his dad had showed/explained to him. He touched the stone on his necklace and muttered somrthing, he's not sure exactly what it means, but it has to do with the sun. The stone dissolved and then he was holding a bow, a thing of arrows on his back. He didn't bother with the bow. He grabbed and arrow and stabbed at the hound. The hound dissolved, and Artemis stood there before his bow and arrows dissolved back into the stone that sat on his necklace. His father claimed him almost immediately, and he just stood there. Staring up at the symbol above his head.
Present time:
Artemis waved at his uncle and father, his backpack slung on his shoulder. His guitar was in its case and held at his side. His dad had insisted after the incident that he be taken to camp. 'It's safer,' was what he'd said.
"Bye, Papa!" Artemis called to his dad. "I'll see you this fall, right?"
"Of course you will, my boy," Keanu replies, smiling from the driver's seat. Artemis smiles, hitching his back up more and turning to walk up the hill, toward the campus border. Keanu watched for a moment before he drove off with a relieved sigh. His son is safe, he can stop worrying.

Before anyone gets their panties up in a twist, this post is meant to be humorous and not taken seriously.
Some points about me:

1. 100% anti-Israel, they nickname me.... no wait I got my post removed last time I said that :(
2. Works in IT. People think I'm smart but I just Google shit. If I was a doctor, my medicine degree would read "graduated from Google's search engine with honors".
3. Pretty (sometimes). بس الجمال جمال الروح يعني
4. Funny (occasionally). Very dark sense of humor. Think of a black hole, my humor is darker.
5. Awesome (usually).
6. Likes movies and TV shows a lot. I watch a variety of things. But horror, comedy, and the apocalypse are my favored genres.
7. Impeccable music taste and if you don't agree then you're a fascist.
8. Wifey material.... I learned to cook recently (actually more than a year ago) so you know that my kitchen be cooking ;)
9. Speaks Arabic and English.
10. Very sweet but hides under layers of humor so I can cope with the daily horrors of being a human.

About you:

1. Also anti-Israel they nickname him my boyfriend ;) كيفني معك؟
2. Is male between the ages of 27-32.
3. Doesn't mind being seen in public with me.
4. Has a job, and is ambitious.
5. Ready & willing (on gunpoint) to spend all (okay most of) his time and money on me.
6. Isn't afraid of words or healthy communication.
7. Sweet & caring.
8. ????
9. Isn't afraid to DM me. (you should be, I'll doxx you and take them sweet shekels from the most moral army in the world).
10. Speaks Arabic and English.
11. Can send a message that is more than "hi how are you" or "insert sexually explicit thing that nobody asked for". Effort is sexy, don't write me a novel, but also don't be lazy in your message.

i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years on monday. he initiated it but it was mutual and we agreed to stay friends but god it hurts. i just want my sweet boy back. my baby. my love of my life. i just want his arms around me and i want to hear his laugh, get the promise ring he said he’d get me, see what surprise he was planning for me for my birthday, have him send me cat pictures and call me the sweet nicknames he did. he was mf first love. i just want him back. it’s taking everything in me not to beg for him back. how do i cope? i cant get out of bed and i’ve been crying every second i’m conscious. i could really use some support.

MASSACHUSETTS NUMEROLOGY DECODE

Interestingly enough, we don't hear much about this state. It's almost easy to overlook or straight up forget unless you are looking at a map. We are going to decode this state using Numerology and point out the reasons/indications that point towards it being such a silent city or at least not popular and frequented like other places. This will get very informative so enjoy the read.
We will now begin decoding each letter in detail.
M - This is The 13th letter of the alphabet Making this letter vibrate at the energy of 4. The energy of four represents privacy and caution. When it comes to 13 and the energy of 4, you have a person or an energy where it's more focused on self rather than connecting with others. So, like I mentioned, 4 is about privacy, caution, and withholding. 4 is pretty restrictive so when a person or place has this name, that you know these are very cautious people or you know that these are not people that take action without thinking. 4 is a very organized type of energy. As a state, this can translate to being a very restrictive state or a state that has particular rules in place. People who live in this state can even have some of these traits. This isn't the type of place to move to unless you want some type of restriction or a relaxed type of energy in your life. M is the strongest energy of this state since it is the first letter of the state's name. So, that alone can start speaking to why this isn't a state that is talked about as much as, let's say, New York or Florida.
A - This is the letter that represents number one as it is the first letter of the alphabet which lets you know that this is about initiation or fresh starts. When it comes to people, this speaks to having that focus on self or being self-motivated.
S - As the 19th letter of the alphabet, this letter vibrates at the energy of one, but it is from a place of being in power or being extremely independent. As a state, that's why the state can seem alone or like a stand alone and not really talked about because we already have a lot of indications that talk about being too self absorbed or too withheld.
S - As the 19th letter of the alphabet, this letter vibrates at the energy of one, but it is from a place of being in power or being extremely independent. As a state, that's why the state can seem alone or like a stand alone and not really talked about because we already have a lot of indications that talk about being too self absorbed or too withheld.
A - This is the letter that represents number one as it is the first letter of the alphabet which lets you know that this is about initiation or fresh starts. When it comes to people, this speaks to having that focus on self or being self-motivated. This is the second time we got this letter and energy.
C - 3rd letter of the alphabet which can represent communication and creativity
H - 8th letter of the alphabet which talks about structure, pressure, seriousness, and mastery.
U - 21st letter of the alphabet which vibrates at the energy of 3. This shows compassion, especially when an individual has this in their name. This also can add more creative juices to a person or the state.
S - As mentioned above, this is the 19th letter of the alphabet and vibrates at the energy of 1.
E - 5th letter of the alphabet which points to combat, creativity, romance, joy, change, and events.
T - 20th letter of the alphabet which vibrates at the energy of 2 which can point to cooperation, stability, comfort, and proactivity. This is a money number just like the number 8, but 2 represents more frequency.
T - 20th letter of the alphabet which vibrates at the energy of 2 which can point to cooperation, stability, comfort, and proactivity. This is a money number just like the number 8, but 2 represents more frequency.
S - As mentioned above, this is the 19th letter of the alphabet and vibrates at the energy of 1.
As you can see, Massachusetts has 6 letters that vibrate at the energy of 1 which equals 6. 6 is about comfort, family, beauty, and discipline. We can see that this may be a state that values discipline which goes well with the fact that it starts with M which is similar to discipline because 4 energy is responsible and even family oriented. We can assume that this state operates from a place of balance and fairness. They may not tolerate what a lot of other states tolerate. Jobs could possibly be a little easier to get here just based on how a lot of the numeric values barely get to the number 9. 1 is the main number that stands out within this state which can point to them doing their own thing and not wanting to identify with how other states do things.
Very individualistic type of energy. People that live in this state could either be workaholics, dogmatic, serious, responsible, controlling, family oriented, shy, or even mean. Routine could be a big thing here. Some or a lot of the residents could even be big on being business owners. This could even be a state where couponing is or can be a big deal. This state may not have too many outside visitors like Florida or Nevada does and the residents could have been there for a long time.
This is a good place to live if you plan on settling down with your own family or partner, if you want a simple and quiet life, if it's just you and only you, if you want to downsize, etc. You get the point. The energy of Massachusetts is very much on the personal and private side.
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Long story short, I found out my boyfriend of 3 years was having an affair with an ex coworker. I know it’s my fault for forgiving him and giving a second chance, but now I’m deeply regretting it.
—My boyfriend and I met in college and he dropped out for a different field of work, causing us to be ldr for about a year and a half with very frequent and constant visits—
I’m sorry - I am not very good at writing things out.
For more context: My boyfriend had this coworker that he was constantly talking about, but I wasn’t worried because he told me she was a lesbian and I knew that she looked more masculine and totally not his type. Whenever he talked about her, I knew her by her first name. He has other friends, so when he was talking about some “other guy” from work with some dumb nickname, I never found it strange except for this one conversation we were having and I found out that the guy with the nickname and the girl from his job are the same person - and that’s when I started putting the pieces together. He was ALWAYS with her. She took him to work when his car broke down, she was always over at his place, and they had lunch together frequently. I had a bad gut feeling and asked him if I could go through his phone only to find out he had deleted around 3thousand messages. Of course I recovered them and read through them all. I read through many sexting conversations, their shared nudes, them talking about “doing more irl”. He talked about how good she looked without specific clothes on. She borrowed a shirt I bought him for his birthday. When I found this out I had just moved in with him, so I’m away from where I was going to school and where my family is. I was hesitant on going back and I just felt like I could make things work and I was just so desperate to be the one he wanted. I tried telling myself that at the end of the day he was sleeping in my bed and he chose me over her, but I shouldn’t have had to fight for my relationship over her. After I found out, he refused to find another job and they worked together for 4~5 months after until she was fired. My boyfriend used to be my goal for everything I did. I was so motivated to care for him and be a good supportive partner and to do anything and everything for him. But now that 6 months have passed from the whole incident, I don’t feel anything anymore. I feel stupid for being so desperate and clinging onto him so hard when he clearly has no regret for what he did. They talked and hung out in secret all the way until she was fired. He learned how to permanently delete messages and other things too. I’ve given up on trying to find anything else that would hurt my feelings. I wish I could leave, but now it’s just weird for me to “be mad about it now”… I know he will just cheat on me again. He had cheated in past relationships. I’m just so dumb and naive and thought that if I tried hard enough to prove how much I love him and how much I care that he wouldn’t do that to me. I always made him handmade gifts, I always bought him stuff that I thought he’d like, I paid for most his visits back to school, and even after he hurt me and broke my trust I always had his clothes folded and put away and I always took care of everything. But now I’m feeling depressed. I folded his clothes and asked him to put them away and he opened the drawer, tossed them in and said that was good enough. I’m just tired and I’m too young to waste my time and energy on a relationship that is just going to go down in flames regardless of what I do. I love who I thought he was and I get so sad when I think of how he will be alone. It breaks my heart when I imagine him being sad over songs and anniversary dates… it’s making it hard to leave. I’m so scared of being alone. I don’t know what to do. Please don’t be mean to me. I know it’s my fault for condoning this behavior in the first place.

Hi everyone, first time posting on this sub.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. We are each other's first and we've had our ups and downs as any couple does however I fear that my anxieties are getting in the way of this relationship and it wont last.
A few weeks ago, we got into a fight where I had told him that I don't think we'd last bc of very mundane things that are very easy to fix (ex. he doesn't spend time with my friends but I had never mentioned to him that I wanted that in the first place). I am going through a lot in life right and bc I can't control what's happen, I sort of choose a very small minor thing in our relationship and make a big deal out of nothing.
From that fight, my boyfriend had said that he's lost trust in me as a partner and doesn't seem me as a stable companion in this relationship. This isn't just a one off instance and for the past year we've been together, we've had similar fights like this one but never to this gravity.
We had talked after the fight and realized that we both need to take it slow and figure our lives out. Prior to this, we would place such a huge emphasis on this relationship and it was harming us than doing us more good. I'd told him that I will try my best to be less dramatic and emotional whenever he wouldn't spend time with me and we've been at it for a few weeks and it's been going as well as it could.
Cut to yesterday where I found out that my boyfriend had changed my name in his phone. Instead of calling me a pet name, it was just a nickname with a heart. I was visibly sad about this and had asked him why he had changed my name and he said that he'd changed it when we were fighting and said "it was time for a change".
This conversation led to another and we were discussing whether we feel comfortable with each other. He mentioned that he doesn't feel as comfortable with me bc he still doesn't trust me after what'd I said during out fight and therefore cannot be open and vulnerable with me. I asked him how we can work through it and he said said with time. He said he wants to continue trying and whenever this relationship hurts more than it gives then that would be a time where we'd have to think about breaking up.
Since yesterday I've been thinking about this a lot and I don't know how to wrap my mind around. We are two different people - I am sort of impatience and bit of a control freak, he's mellow and go with the flow kinda guy. But after the fight, it seems like he's been less 'lovey-dovey'. He doesn't call me "baby" that often, he won't be as affectionate with me as he was before.
I understand that he has his guard up but I don't know if this will be something temporary or if it's going to have lasting impact. I love him very much and we've made each other's lives better but I fear that we have a lot going on to be in this relationship. We've both been going to therapy and have been working on ourselves but that takes time. I know this is our first relationship so there's a chance that we won't last but I really like this guy and want to see things through.
My questions is how do I put away my anxieties in my relationship so we still have a fighting chance? Can two people like us really make a relationship work?
Thank you in advance!

I (25F) and my bf (26m) are coming up on two years together but we’ve known each other since high school. In HS I was the honor roll student and in the top 10 of my class while he was a sophomore year and vocational school dropout. We both come from similar backgrounds where poverty and struggling are the norm. However it’s been my mission to escape that lifestyle since I was old enough to comprehend it. As you can assume it’s shaped the woman I am today, I’m extremely driven and ambitious, I work and go to school 7 days a week. My boyfriend on the other hand?… Well he struggles to even keep a job and when I ask him questions about his future he can’t give me an answer (which is a red flag I’m already aware of.) But he wasn’t like this when we got together so before you ask why I didn’t leave, I’m already in love so that’s easier said than done. Things changed after he lost his job, he just seemingly became a man with no drive. Now the jokes that bother me aren’t your average jokes. It’s things like when we’re crossing the street and a car starts to turn he says “hit me so I can get paid” which isn’t a groundbreaking phrase but he says it every time anything like that happens and half the time it’s not even with expensive cars, it’ll be with beat up ones like bro that’s a Nissan with one hubcap and mismatched passenger door, aim higher. Or he’s also said things like “I’m a DGK at heart” for those unaware of what that is, it’s a skateboard brand that stands for “dirty ghetto kids.” 😒 This plus his lack of ambition just annoys me to no end. I don’t find it cute as I want to shed this life not wear it like some badge of honor. He also talks about how as a kid he wanted to be a “scammer” and “card cracker” and he laughs like it’s funny but I find it so fucking sad and.. icky. Because it’s like as a kid I wanted to live a privileged life (vacations, stability, flexibility.. still want that) and you wanted to live as a criminal. The problem is that these jokes just give me such a big ICK and even when he says he’s joking I believe there’s some truth in what he says/wants. I believe part of him wants to be the old dude still on the block with a gold tooth (another “joke” of his) that thinks he’s mister cool guy but in reality he’s just an old loser with a drinking problem, hence the gold tooth. While I want to be the beautiful, successful, independent woman that lives a life she truly loves. I just feel like such an uptight bitch for hating these “jokes” so tell me, am I the asshole?
Additional info: we are an interracial couple, I’m black and he’s Mexican. I think this also adds to it as I want to get away from everything that’s “expected” from people like us, impoverished minorities.

NOTE: Eng not my first language
I(F28)live with my mother(53) and her husband(49). I know my Birth father, KC over the phone but don't really have the best relationship with him as he had decided he didn't want to raise me and stay with my mother when I was young. Several years later we slowly got in touch. We have an amicable relationship but don't talk now. Him saying a couple of years ago that his and his new wife's newborn baby Elisabeth (F) was a “second chance” really hurt me and damaged our relationship. But regardless, I had an issue a couple of years ago when a “Half-sister” Dakota (F16), Contacted me.
I have severe anxiety, depression, autism, Anthropophobia and chronic Insomnia. I have a very screwed up sleep schedule And tend to be a bit manic in some ways. Anyways this girl contacts Me through Facebook, this was around the rougher stages of me and my father's relationship. I was confused but she had said that KC had told her about me and she wanted to know me. (I wasn't really talking to my father so I didn't know the whole story) I took her at her word and slowly started talking over texts. The reason I said starting is because I don't interact well with people, nor do I know how to act around them. Anyways she would always text LATE as in 11 or 10 at night. As I usually was awake this didn't come as a bad sign until later. It wasn't until she started asking more and more about my newborn half-sister that things got bad. I didn't know much about Elisabeth and at the time harbored some severe resentment to her and my father's family, STILL, I didn't like how much she was obsessing over a baby. after a while I contacted KC. Apparently, Dakota wasn't proven to be my half-sister and her mother had just told her that KC was her father. Dakota and her mother had been harassing him to have a relationship with her but refused to get a paternity test. I ended up ending contact with Dakota and said not to contact me until a paternity Test was taken. Later I was harassed by her mother and boyfriend.
Now: I still suffer from CHRONIC INSOMNIA! and am Very VERY aggressive about my sleep when I get it. I have the Facebook and messenger app, however they are usually inactive and I am not on them. A few days ago I had been up until 2:30 due to a fit of insomnia (I tend to just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.) When I finally got to sleep I was happy, I Was on a Friday and I didn't have to do anything on Saturday. I was going to sleep all day (As long as my body would let me) and enjoy myself, HOWEVER! A 4:27 my phone goes off. (I Didn't silence messenger because I never use it unless of an emergency) I curse and rage but couldn't find my glasses, (my cat knocked my case off and they fell out of the case and got kicked under my bed.) And thus couldn't read my phone. My mother, who sleeps in the next room, heard me cursing and came to find out what was wrong. I said my phone went off and I can't read it. She helped me calm down as I get severely aggressive and moody if my sleep is interrupted. She read the post out loud before we both got furious. Dakota, (now 22F) had texted me. She said she now goes by the name BETH and said she didn't care about our father but was contacting me and my two “brothers” Lewis and Idan. She acted mournful and hurt due to KC’s dismissive actions and his lack of care but wanted a relationship with her siblings. Now at the time I was furious and angry. 1. IT WAS 4:30 In the ####ING MORNING! 2. My brothers are step brothers. SHE HAS NO ACTUAL RELATION TO THEM! 3. I found her sudden name change to be highly suspicious. Dakota and Beth are nowhere near similar enough to be a nickname and it's not her middle name.
I grew annoyed and later on that day, (I couldn't fall back to sleep. My plan was screwed up for my saturday.) Tried contacting KC, I did promis to talk to this girl of a DNA test was taken, so I was gathering information. I couldn't get a hold of him so I contacted his father, my Grandpa Kade, and asked him about this. He hadn't even know about Dakota or what had happened the first time. So I explaned everything to him and said I couldn't get whole of KC, he got off the phone with me and decided to try and get ahold of KC himself, both for more info and he needed to call him anyways. After a few more hours KC called my mom.
NO! She didn't get a paternity Test. NO, his sons do not want to be contacted By this girl and then he asked me to send a screenshot of my texts to him, he had the old ones already. The whole family was up in arms about this and furious. I was told not to block her, but don't talk to her.
Later on I was wondering if AITA for taking this whole situation out of proportion due to being angry over my sleep. I'm normally a nice person but when my sleep is involved, I hold grudges.

TL;DR: my ex-h was horrible to me, but I still miss him even years later.
TW for suicide and emotional abuse.
Wow. I just typed out a whole long-ass story. Story don't matter here, unless y'all really want to hear it. This is still gonna be pretty long, sorry.
Brief version: I met XH when I was 14, he was 15; we were penpals: I lived I US, he lived abroad.. Met face to face when I was 18, he was 19. Fell in love. He was my first everything and he said he was also a virgin. We got married a year later in the US. Mostly happy but as time went on, I became more suspicious that he was cheating.
After 2 years of marriage, we moved to his home country. Just before we moved, I was diagnosed with pre-cancer of the cervix and had to get treated. Doc said this was likely caused by HPV, which is sexually transmitted. I was so in love (and so stressed with the upcoming move) that the ramifications of that didn't sink in.
Once we were in his home country, an old friend of his got in contact. She was 17 at the time. (I'd met her before when she was 14; right afterwards, she decided she wanted to be called by the same nickname my husband used for me.) Anyway, once she knew we were back, she broke up with her boyfriend and started calling a lot. H and her also volunteered at the same place, which is how they met, so they were spending time together.
A couple of times, husband would go to hang out with a guy friend, only for her to end up tagging along; the two of them would stay out until 2 or 3 in the morning. I had to have people go look for him, I was so worried.
At one point, she faked a suicide attempt to try and get time alone with husband. Then she started claiming she was being abused at home (I honestly have no idea if that was true or not). I felt bad for her, she could give Oscar-worthy performances, so we offered to let her stay with us for a couple of weeks.
I was the only one working. H was supposed to be going to school. She "couldn't" work.
Two months later, things had deteriorated. They were staying up all night together in the living room "talking", but if I tried to go in, she scream at me that I wasn't wanted. I would often leave in the middle of the night to go walking because I didn't want to be home.
You're probably asking why I didn't just leave? I know, but where was I supposed to go? I didn't have friends of my own over there. I couldn't drive. I didn't know how the transport system worked. I didn't have a lot of money. What was I supposed to do? And I love him, so, so much.
After she was with us for a couple of months, things completely broke down. I had made two attempts to end myself; H stopped me both times. I insisted that she leave; H was backing me up on that, but then she dropped the "I'm dying and you can't make me leave when I'm dying" card along with that she had "spoken to" her granddad's ghost and he'd told her she would die if she moved out. I flat out laughed in her face. Husband believed her (about the dying part). Big fight ensued. I left and went to a hotel for the night.
When I came back the next morning, they had supposedly gone to talk to her doctor about her illness. I was at rock bottom and tried to end myself again. They found me half-conscious when they got home. Husband, who was an EMT int he US, who taught first aid courses, who volunteered at crises hotlines, took me into our bedroom, put me face down on the bed, and walked away, shutting the door behind him.
I woke up 14 hours later and they were gone. Still groggy and not at all with it, I went to find them, which I did, in a park, with their arms around each other. Massive fight happened. She left to go stay with another friend. H and I talked and screamed for hours. He tried to totally gaslight me into thinking this was my fault.
I left the country two days later and came back to the US. That was 5 days after my 22nd bday.
Once I got back, things were terrible. He finally admitted to sleeping with her, but not until after I left, which is bullshit. She forged a letter from her mom to me, trying to get me to talk trash about her. I ended up hospitalized for a week for mental issues. He and I went back and forth for month about divorce; he kept trying to talk me out of it. The divorce was final 9 months after I came back to the US.
Over the years, I've heard from people about other possible affairs he had while we were together.
I've not spoken to him since before the divorce was final.
Even now, decades later, I still can't get over what happened. I'm happily married, stable job, kids, all is good. But I still want a chance to ask him WHY all this happened. I still want CLOSURE. I've tried to find him on social media, but there's bee nothing on him since like 2005 or so. The friends I've reached out to haven't heard from him in years either.
How do I get over this? My gods, it was a nightmare, but I still miss the good times we had.