Reddit Account: u/Thenn_Applicant
Discord Tag: Garin
Name and House: Dorian Merryweather
Age: 49
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [Dorian's chestnut brown hair has been greying for quite a while, however is short beard retains more color, including a few stray red hairs peppered throughout it. While his features have softened and gained some pudge as he aged past his prime, he remains in overall good shape. This is partly due to his great love of gardening and crop cultivation, which have left his hands and nails rather rough.](Dodin-Bouffant-The-Taste-of-Things-Vest.webp (500×650) (williamjacket.com))
Trait: Numerate
Skills: Avaricious (e), Architect, Administrator, Investor
Talents: Language (High Valyrian) Cooking, Gardening
Negative Trait: N/A
Starting Title: Lord of Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biography:
It has been said; men grow tired of sleep, love, singing and dancing, sooner than war. As such, it begs the question, what does a man have left when he finally tires of war? In pursuit of an answer, of any answer, one half of Dorian Merryweather’s life was spent. He was the second son of Lord Arthor Merryweather of Longtable. Like many others born in a place of natural abundance, he longed for more, for something greater than a mere provincial estate. The tourneys of Highgarden, the hunts of Horn Hill and the books of Oldtown all called to him, and so he could never ride past his father’s mild and verdant fields fast enough. Dorian counted himself lucky not to be the heir, for that meant he could pick where his future lay, unchained from the uninspiring home of his childhood. Instead it was his older brother, Bennard, who envied his free-flying lifestyle, contriving any excuse to join him on his escapades and agurk lessons and ceremonies he ought to have attended.
Lord Arthor was fairly permissive of this deriliction of duties, as the friendships forced on such journeys were worth more than lessons that could be repeated later, or tasks that could be handed off to lowborn stewards. The boys attended tourneys, balls, hunts and feasts, living the life the bards extolled as the height of reachman’s chivalry. The one time they did not shirk their duties was when their father had the honor of hosting King Mern and his court for a tourney on the Warrior’s day. The Merryweather sons would present the king and his family with silver bowls of dilligrout, a most exquisite stew of capons, white wine and almond milk. They had the joy of tasting it once the Gardeners had their fill, a taste they would never forget. On the tournament field three days later, Mern knighted them both, though Dorian was only sixteen at the time, green as a knight could ever be.
Five years later, as news of Aegon Targaryen and his early conquests spread, the lords of the Reach were summoned to Goldengrove, where they found a veritable forest of Westermen’s banners being planted beside their own. The fall of the Storm Kings had led to a whirlwind of diplomacy between the houses of Gardener and Lannister. The plan was presented to the lords with the two kings sitting beside one another on the dais as though they were brothers. They held up Aegon’s letter of demands, scornfully reading it aloud and then proceeded to tear it up to a roaring acclamation from the hall. Standing there before the hall, Mern could hardly be called the Warrior incarnate. There stood a man well past his prime, old enough to be a grandfather and with no great victories to his name, in battle or on the tourney field. All the same, this man, whom they called their king, always seemed to know exactly what to say to win someone over. If he’d declared war on hell itself that evening, the Merryweather brothers would probably still have marched off with him when the next morning dawned. Bennard and Dorian shouted as loud as anyone, death to the foreign upstart. That evening were betrothed to westerwomen they’d never met before, made plans for a real battle, which they had never fought in before, and drank, ate and sang as though the night would last forever. House Merryweather was not able to secure a command, yet King Mern remembered his stay at Longtable fondly. He gave Bennard and Dorian a place in the vanguard, and even adorned Bennard with a brooch of the order of the green hand the morning before the army Goldengrove, a momentous honor which Bennard would cherish for the remainder of his days. He did not have many left, as it turned out. The Field of Fire began like a dream, as the two brothers rode off at the break of dawn, two out of five thousand sets of gleaming armor atop proud warhorses. By the end of the day it had become a nightmare. Caught up in the maelstrom of battle, Dorian did not see the moment when their loss was assured, but the Gods know he could hear it, the creeping, hungry flames that descended on the reachmen like an army of its own. As hundreds were broiled inside their steel plate and thousands more choked on the inferno’s horrible vanguard of black smoke, Bennard and Dorian broke and fled. They were not far behind the retreating Loren Lannister in their escape, but half a minute made all the difference. The lines of fire fanned out, hunting more living things to devour, and engulfed the two brothers. Dorian could feel how the flames spread from his surcoat to his undershirt, all the way down to the hairs on his chest, beginning to sear his skin. In a desperate act he threw himself in the Blackwater, and would have perished if not for the shoddy work of his squire that morning, which left him able to tear off his plate before he could sink. With bloodied, burn-marked fingers, he clung to the roots of a tree by the riverside, water up to his chest. He was retrieved after some time, how long he could not say. For the next two moons his mind was adrift, distracted from his pains by milk of the poppy. The next two were far worse, as he grew more lucid and realized the extent of the damage. A burn-mark stretched from his right thigh, all the way up his chest and left bicep to the apple of his neck. Many times over, flakes of dead or dying skin had to be peeled off by the maester as the scabs kept bursting with blood and clear liquid. By the end of that year he was able to walk again, though the burn mark would leave a feverish red mark across the front of his body, his new skin settling into twisted lines.
Bennard was far worse for wear, alive yet burned all the way to his face and crippled from a fall off his horse. His nose and ear-lobes had to be cut off, too burned to save, and even his eyelids were permanently scarred, unable to sprout new lashes. The more lucid Bennard became, the deeper his sorrow. Eventually he began refusing food. The new lord of Longtable would not eat anything his cooks set in front of him. In spite of his ever present pains, Dorian began going to the kitchens, reprimanding the cooks for their failings. He knew his brother well and knew his palette, and began ordering them to make his brother’s favorites. When he felt they were making mistakes, he interrupted their work himself. He was a stranger to the kitchen, yet would criticize how things were cut too roughly, spiced too little or too much. He was a terror to the cooks, yet they could not refuse him.
His attempts to intervene were however hampered by a newfound aversion to heat. The sound of the hearth, of boiling and searing, the general sense of warmth around him made him nauseous and caused his movements to seize up. Still, he went to his brother’s bedside every day, and afterwards he forced himself back to the kitchens. His sister, Lydia, tried to stop him at first, but soon found her protes fell on deaf ears, and so joined him, if only to leash him in when he went too far. Finally, there was only one dish they hadn’t tried; the dilligrout they’d once served to the late King Mern. Every time it was made, it came out wrong. It soon turned out the cook who had served them that evening six years ago had since retired, and his exact method had never been recorded or taught to anyone else. Dorian would first invite the man to Longtable, then summon him with armed knights when invitations were refused.
Theomar, the man who appeared before him, was a sorry sight, looking frightened and confused as he was taken to his old workplace. It was explained by his sons that he’d been growing senile even six years ago, often snapping at the kitchen maids under him when his memory failed him. Since then he’d gotten worse, seldom eating, let alone cooking. Something in the old man’s eyes did seem to brighten for a moment when the sounds and smells of his old kitchen surrounded him, and Dorian ordered him to make dilligrout. Before long that faint spark had been drowned out by tears. He would start boiling capon or crushing almonds, only to leave the job half-done whenever he had to fetch something new. Serving maids were put at his disposal to bring him ingredients, yet an ingredient ordered would be met with a reprimand as he seemed to forget which dish he was making every few minutes. Finally Dorian snapped at the man, grabbing him by his collar and shouting accusations of treason against House Merryweather. By the time Lydia could restrain him and try to apologize, the man was a wreck on the floor. After watching it for a while, waiting for the man to get up and continue his work, even Dorian was overcome by pity and shame for what he’d done. The old cook was praying to the gods, begging forgiveness for his failings. Dorian began to realize he’d broken a great man down and would himself beg forgiveness. He offered the man his old cook’s quarters back for the rest of his life, and promised his sons that his maester would tend to the man in his old age, that he would be fed from Longtable’s stores.
At this point, he resolved to make the dilligrout himself. Through it all, Bennard was barely clinging to life, or rather being tethered to it by the will of others. He could only be fed when drugged down by the milk of the poppy, and the more often it was used, the less effective it became. Every day Dorian braved the kitchens, yet he could not recreate the flavor of that wonderful night. It was by the grace of the gods, perhaps with Theomar as their vessel, that Dorian would even come close. The old man could no longer cook, but over time he began to wander into the kitchens and sit down on a chair. At first Dorian thought the man only sought the warmth of the hearth for his weary bones, yet he discovered it to be more than that. Theomar’s eyes were like clouded glass, yet they brightened every now and then, hearing almonds being ground, smelling capons searing in fat, as though it was stirring the kitchenmaster of yore back to life. Eventually Dorian began to walk up to the old cook with his ingredients, bidding him to smell or taste small portions. Sometimes he got simple instructions out of it, ‘too coarse’, ‘too sour’, ‘underdone’. Som times a mere nod or frown was all Theomar managed. Over the course of a couple of days, Dorian put together one final attempt to get the dish made rightWhen he arrived in Bennard’s chamber, he was met with a look which brought forth discomfort that no flame could produce in Dorian. Plainly, raspingly, his brother asked him why he wouldn’t let him die. It was easy, Bennard reasoned. All Dorian needed to do was wait and become lord. The words almost made Dorian throw the dilligrout on the floor. Almost. He placed two bowls on Bennard’s table, the dilligrout and one brimming with milk of the poppy. Dorian told his brother to make his choice. If he sought death, Dorian would let him, but he would not hear that it was an easy thing, watching his brother die. That evening, the milk of the poppy was carried away by the maester, the empty bowl of stew taken to be washed in the kitchens. From then on, Bennard ate what his brother brought him without complaint. He lasted just into the new year, dying on its tenth day. In the predawn gloom of the twelfth, Theomar died in his sleep
Dorian took up his lordly task joylessly. His old wanderlust returned, spurred by the horrible memories that now stained Longtable and the reach itself in his mind. The final straw came when their new Tyrell overlords, insisted on him marrying a lady from a dornish house. His previous betrothal had fallen through, as the parents of his western bride had not wished to draw the ire of the Targaryens by maintaining an old alliance meant to oppose them. Instead of obliging, he boarded a ship from Oldtown going east. It stopped only briefly in Planky Town before going to Tyrosh. Noting him to be a nobleman, a few of the city’s wealthy men would host him for a while, though they quickly lost interest when his lack of knowledge of trade became apparent. After that, he spent time in the markets and squares where the common people lived. His old curiosity was piqued, and he decided to embark on a quest of learning, fashioning himself another Lomas Longstrider. He moved on to Myr, and the experience was much the same in broad strokes, a few rich men showed interest and quickly lost it. As he’d visited the dye markets he went to see the city’s famous artisans at work. One thing was notably different, he met a Tyroshi woman with green-dyed hair, going by the name Maryah. She was a trader, and the two had taken the same ship to Myr. She had been to Myr before and showed him many of its secrets. They spent an entire day in one of the vast delicacy markets so she could show him the many tastes of the city. Having no plans in advance, he asked where she was headed next.
Without a second thought he would join her on a journey to Lys. He soon understood it to be a test. It was not long before she teased him, speculating he’d only joined her for a chance to see the famous pleasure houses. Evening after evening they stayed in the city and Maryah would tease and test him over the matter. Finally he told her he’d renounce his betrothal for her, that there was no one else in his eye. She laughed, replying he would not have to. The next morning, Dorian awoke to find that she was already up, the green washed from her black curls. Maryah had in fact been Joanna Dayne, his dornish bride to be, having traveled the same route as him ever since his ship stopped at Planky Town to refill its food and water. She was already quite familiar with the three closest free cities, having served as a dornish envoy on behalf of its spice traders. As they planned their return to Westeros, Joanna asked him what else in the world he wanted to see. Within a few moons of being wed, they left Westeros, not to return for three years.The journey was what his mind needed, away from the Reach, its knights and tapestries, hunts and tourneys. Ultimately, the lords and knights of his homeland, for all their songs and poetry, lived every day in preparation for war, frivolous though the preparations were. Joanna showed him a different world, the remnants of Old Valyria. War was to be sure inescapable. Wherever they went, there were soldiers, tapestries, contests of arms, and yet the cities housed something else as well, a boundless potential for creation, commerce and growth.
Thanks to Joanna Dayne’s knowledge their stays became far better planned, and they could enjoy the hospitality of wealthy locals far longer. She knew how to talk about the spice trade and similar matters, and Dorian began to pick up on it. On their second stay in Myr, he procured a great deal of fine parchment and began taking notes, everything from negotiation tactics and the prices of cloves or red peppers to court customs, as well as more eclectic pieces of knowledge, details of running an eastern estate, descriptions of technological marvels he had never seen in Westeros, and ingredients in the local food. By the time they neared Qarth he had quite the list of recipes, among other things. There he was even able to learn a few all the way from Yi Ti, as some local cooks catered to merchants from the Golden Empire. On their journey home they’d end up taking the opportunity to see the newly made port of King’s Landing. By that time, a third member had joined their journey, their infant daughter Florys. Having left Longtable in the care of his sister and steward for three years, Dorian finally accepted the responsibility of running his ancestral home.
Longtable was considered to rule over some of the best lands in the Reach, ideally situated along the river with abundant soil which could provide two grain harvests in a year. Having seen the estates which supplied the great cities of the east, Dorian was all too aware of its comparative shortcomings. He found that the abundance of the land had a counterproductive effect, breeding complacency and carelessness. From his grandiose tour of the east, he went on a painstaking tour of his own lands, trying to get an overview of everything he ruled over. He paid the citadel a fee to send him half a dozen maesters in training for a season. These young men, literate and numerate, would serve his own maester in conducting a survey of the land, giving Dorian account of all resources at his disposal as lord. The results were quite varied.
Some peasants were found to have remarkable agricultural insights which they had no way of writing down, entirely reliant on passing the knowledge to their children. Knowing the risks of such a method of transferring knowledge, Dorian ordered such insights recorded. In other places there were farmers and communities who were unwittingly exhausting their soil. Instances of lack of fallow land, excessive grazing by cows and lack of crop rotation were also made note of, followed by edicts against such heedless practices. Septons, sheriffs and tax collectors were given written copies and were obliged to read them to the peasantry wherever it was deemed necessary. It also became part of the obligations of farmers to plant a set amount of clover in their fields and pastures, a practice some had taken up on their own but which had already become a standardized law among the estates belonging to Myr and Volantis. Irrigation was expanded and land inheritance was reformed to prevent the splitting of fields past a certain threshold.
Lord Dorian was not always successful. Some eastern ideas had been useful innovations which improved conditions across the board. In time he learned that the peculiarities of the westerosi system were sometimes necessary for the sake of stability, not merely the misshapen fruits of ignorance. His attempt to enclose part of the common lands proved abortive, as it nearly caused a peasant rebellion. A procession of aggrieved smallfolk headed for Longtable had to be dispersed by knights, armed with wooden clubs to prevent needless bloodshed.Two men were hanged and five sent to the wall, but the reform was thereafter abandoned, leading the populace to calm down. Dorian was not much of a military leader and had not wielded weapons since the Field of Fire. He became aware of his need to bolster his forces, a notion reinforced by the establishment of the Black Roses not long after his return, and again with the Kingswood Catastrophe
In the meantime, he and Joanna raised a family together. Three more daughters would be born healthy, with a couple of miscarriages and a stillbirth in between, also a daughter. Their travels did not entirely come to an end. In 13 AC they would tour the northern free cities of Norvos, Qohor, Pentos, Braavos and Lorath, which they had missed on their original journey. The lion’s share of 17 AC was spent on a journey to the Summer Islands. At other times they would make shorter journeys around the Seven Kingdoms, where they felt more secure in bringing their older children along. Whether it was visiting Joanna’s family in Dorne, tourneys and feasts in the Reach and West or even one trip to see the wall, a nameday wish by Florys, they were often on the move. Like most of their peers, they frequented Oldtown and Highgarden
The growing rift between the two queens and their children was a situation Dorian would watch with dread in his heart, remembering keenly how a generation of young men had been brought to the field of fire. To his mind, the Targaryen rule ought not go to waste. Like Valyria of old, it had begun with fire and blood, yet similarly peace and prosperity had followed in its wake. If only the dragons could stand united, perhaps another long peace like the one the Freehold once enjoyed could again be established. If not, another century of blood was upon them. Under Dorian, Longtable became a place where he sought to bring together people from across the kingdoms and forge unity over the dinner table, an attitude which somewhat vexed and confounded his more militaristic daughter and heiress, Lady Florys. Even amid her questioning of the viability of his peaceful ways when surrounded by those who would make war, a terrible sight would steel his resolve, watching the Mander burning green, every bit as terrible as the flames from twenty one years prior. That night he made a simple vow, never again.
The League of the Cornucopia, he would name his little group, a gallery of lords and ladies whose acquaintances he’d made over the years. With these fellow gourmets he would share the culinary knowledge he’d gleaned from his journeys in the east and west. Most unusual for a lord of his rank, Dorian came to spend a great deal of time in his kitchens, testing out recipes himself. On occasion, the dishes he served to his guests for these small, intimate gatherings would be the work of his own hands. The membership did vary from time to time, both based on who could make it and who he sought to bring together. Rather than a fully closed circle, the League is more like a form of feasting, only it’s done for a much smaller crowd, without the public spectacle. Such occasions allowed for more refined foods which did not need to be served to hundreds and kept constantly warm over the course of hours like some common tavern stew. It also opened up an arena of more intimate diplomacy and negotiation for those who sought it, hosted on neutral ground by a lordly mediator, free from prying eyes.
Timeline:
25BC: Dorian is born, second in line to Longtable
24BC: His sister Lydia is born
9BC: House Merryweather hosts House Gardener for a tourney and feast. Dorian and his older brother Bennard serve the dish of honor to King Mern Gardener and his family. During the subsequent tourney, Mern knights both boys, despite their inexperience and lack of victory in the tourney
9BC-2BC: Dorian spends much time travelling the reach, attending events
1BC: Dorian and Bennard fight in the vanguard at the Field of Fire. Both are burned, Bennard far more severely than Dorian. Lord Merryweather is killed. Traumatized by the battle and his new maimed body, Bennard starts refusing food. Dorian desperately tries to re-create the dish they served King Mern eight years ago. The cook who made it has since gone senile, but eventually manages to help Dorian re-create it. He is given a place at court as apology for his mistreatment at Dorian's hands before this occurred.
1AC: Lord Bennard dies at the beginning of the year, leaving Dorian as lord of Longtable. His sister Lydia fulfills her betrothal to House Tarly, becoming lady of Horn Hill. At the prospect of marrying a Dornishwoman on the King's orders, Dorian decides to leave Westeros to put off his marriage. In Myr, he meets a woman calling herself Maryah, claiming to be a Tyroshi merchant. They fall in love and travel to Lys together. There Dorian promises to set aside his betrothal for her, whereupon she reveals herself as Joanna Dayne, his dornish betrothed.
1AC-4AC: Dorian and Joanna wed at Longtable, then depart on a new journey of the east. They reach as far as Qarth before turning back home. In 3AC, on the way back, their first child, Florys, is born while the couple are in Volantis, on the way home. They return via the newly built port of King's Landing.
4AC-8AC: Using knowledge from the east, Lord Dorian embarks on a project of rationalizing the agriculture of Longtable
5AC: Dorian and Joanna have their second child, a girl named Ellyn
8AC: Their third daughter, Desmera, is born
13AC: Dorian and Joanna spend a year travelling the northern free cities
14AC: Their fourth and final daughter, Gwin, is born
17AC: Dorian and Joanna undertake a journey to the Summer Islands with their children
23AC: The aftermath of the battle of Stonebridge brings back memories of the Field of Fire, as the Merryweathers watch burning slag run down the Mander
25AC: The Merryweathers travel to the celebration of the maturity of Aegon's sons
Family Tree:
Arthor Merryweather (father, d.1BC)
Cerelle Merryweather (pending family connection) (mother, d.20AC)
Bennard Merryweather (brother, d.1AC)
Lydia Merryweather (sister, b.24BC)
Glendon Merryweather (uncle, d.1BC)
Myrcella Pommingham (aunt, d.22AC)
Leo Merryweather (cousin, b.13AC)
Joanna Dayne (wife, b.26AC)
Florys Merryweather (daughter, b.3AC)
Ellyn Merryweather (daughter, b.5AC)
Desmera Merryweather (daughter, b.8AC)
Gwin Merryweather (daughter, b.13AC)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Auxiliary Character:
Name and House: Florys Merryweather
Age: 23
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [A short, muscular woman with wavy black hair, normally worn in a bun. She has high cheekbones and a proud demeanor. Her rigid strength stands in contrast to the more relaxed nature of the Merryweather court, one she finds overly lax and casual](0_0.png (896×1344) (discordapp.com))
Trait: Hale
Skills: Swords (e), Essosi Blademaster
Talents: Dancing, Fishing, Cooking
Negative Traits: N/A
Starting Title: Heir to Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Timeline:
3AC: Florys is born in Volantis, while her parents are on their way home from Essos
10AC: Florys starts training under Saathos Trevelyan, her father's Master at Arms
13 AC: She joins her parents on a tour of Pentos, Braavos, Norvos and Qohor
17AC: She travels with her parents to the Summer Islands
19AC-23AC: As she comes of age, Florys becomes more critical of her father's desire for peace, viewing it as increasingly far-fetched amid the increasingly controversial regency and the impending succession dispute. She resolves to make the kinds of connections her father seems unwilling to, in case of war
25AC: She accompanies her family to the celebrations
NPCS:
Ser Leo Merryweather (Age: 37, Archetype: Magnate) Lord Merryweather's first cousin, he has become an indispensable agent in the daily running of Longtable. Despite his foppish demeanor and aparent laziness, he is highly capable and loyal in his task of increasing his family's fortune. He remains happily unwed
Saathos Tevelyan: (Age:48, Archetype: Master at Arms) The son of a Lysene father and a Myrish mother, Saathos initially sought a career in amongst Myr's military officers, however his family's relatively low status proved an impediment to further promotion, later compounded by a dispute with a superior. He met Lord Merryweather in 3AC and eventually travelled West to offer his services five years later, finding his career progress stonewalled in his home city. Well into middle age, he still looks firm and imposing as profesisonal a soldier ought to

I have the typical Chinese parents: only care about good grades and job rather than social life, get mad when I don't do well, hit me with a stick when I was younger, etc. I only have like 5 friends from high school and college who I still keep in touch with.
One thing I'm annoyed at is when my AP bring up plans at the LAST MINUTE when I had plans.
For example, last year, the Saturday after thanksgiving, I was gonna have dinner with friends, but my dad mentioned Saturday morning that we were gonna have dinner with grandparents, so I had to cancel my friends
Another time was spring break a couple of months ago, we all go to different schools, so our spring breaks were different. There was one weekend that we had in common, and only 1 day that we all were free to meet up. But nope, the evening before, AP discussed driving 4 hours to my brother's college to meet him, and I had to go with them
The boiling point was a couple of days ago.
My friends' graduation was on Saturday, the day before mother's day. We were invited to watch the ceremony, then have dinner to celebrate. Just when I got out of the shower and about to get ready to leave, my dad came and said he booked a reservation, and we were gonna have mother's day dinner. I was PISSED. I wouldn't even be able to see the ceremony because their school was 2 hours away

1. They didn't have any plans on Sunday, why did it have to be Saturday and not Sunday?
2. I was thinking other family members would be there since we normally celebrate with them, so I didn't argue and just canceled on my friends, but nope, just me, my mom, and my dad

This was the greatest resentment I ever had towards my parents
Other background info:

• The reason I didn't say no to my parents is because I take my dad's threats seriously. He threatened to kick my brother out just for saying he couldn't attend Easter dinner, so he had to cancel his plans. He made the same threat to me in point 3 below
• I still live with my parents because I don't have a lot of money. I graduated last year (December 2023), but still don't have a full time job (tech job market sucks). Rent is pretty high in my area
• I work at the grocery store near my house while I'm still applying. They threatened to kick me out because they think I wasn't trying hard enough at applying when I showed them my spreadsheet and emails of the 300+ places I applied to in the past 6 months
• I also don't have a car. One of my friends lives 15 minutes away, so he always offers me a ride to these events. The grocery store is only a 10 minute walk away from my house
• My other family members live at least 2 hours driving away. My friend's place is really small, and he also lives with his parents, so wouldn't have space for me to crash
• I discussed with my friends about getting an apartment/house together, so that's why I didn't think about moving out yet and just sucked it up. Now that we all graduated, we've started taking it more seriously, but I think we might need to wait it out another few months so others will be able to afford it

Is it too much to ask that this makes it onto the channel but that my family doesn't realize it's me?
Probably, but here we go.
Who: Mom, Brother, SIL (sister-in-law), Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Dad, and me
When: between 2020 and 2022
Where: the beach and the mountains
What: a wedding
Why: true love ❤️
Our story goes way back to before the wedding in 2022 but after the engagement of Brother and SIL in 2020. It starts in 2021 on a week long vacation to the beach for Mom's 50th birthday. We were staying in a very picturesque condo with 3 separate bedrooms that had direct beach access and the unit was absolutely beautiful with the most amazing views off the patio. On this vacation were 6 people: Mom, Brother, SIL, Aunt, Cousin, and me. We were roomed in pairs: Brother and SIL, Aunt and Cousin, Mom and me. This vacation had been planned months in advance and Mom was so excited she planned out a week of fun activities including a sunset cruise to see dolphins, mini golfing, restaurants, of course beach time, and more.
It was supposed to be a lovely week that was unfortunately marred very quickly by a nasty fight. We arrived late on a Friday and were scheduled to be out by the following Friday. Sunday night after dinner there was a massive argument between SIL and I. I don't even remember all the details now. It culminated when she called me a brat and I called her a b**** and we stormed off to our separate rooms. From here there are 2 versions of the rest of the night.
Mom's Version: While I had a massive panic attack - because I'm Mentally Sick™ - Mom went to the bedroom where Brother and SIL were. She tried to talk to them and tell SIL that she was been very mean to me. She implored SIL to apologize to me, but SIL was being stubborn and refused to talk to me. Mom eventually left the room and came to help me calm down in our room.
SIL's Version: While I had a massive panic attach - because I'm Mentally Sick™ - Mom went to the bedroom where Brother and SIL were. SIL says that Mom started screaming at her and Brother calling them all sorts of nasty names and other terrible things. She even accused SIL of being an abusive person. Meanwhile, Brother was having an epileptic seizure on the bed due to the stress of it all. SIL started crying and having a panic attack of her own as well. Eventually, Mom left the room and came to help me calm down in our room.
I believe that there is some truth in both. I think Mom thinks she was talking nicely and that SIL was being a hard a** but she was coming across a lot louder and meaner than she thought. I also think that SIL was being a little stubborn but for good reason. If she had come out to talk to me I think the fight would have escalated further and the place would have burst into a ball of flames.
Regardless, SIL and Brother stayed in their room for the next day and a half. They only came out for food and water and didn't speak to anyone else. Aunt and Cousin tried to stay out of it but were very much in the middle and it put a bad stain on their vacation. Things cooled off by Wednesday (Mom's birthday) and we all got along mostly for the rest of the week. I apologized to SIL and she apologized to me and we've been good since then. Sadly, the same is not true for SIL, Brother, and Mom.
Throughout the following months things continued to deteriorate between Brother, SIL, and Mom. I don't know all of the details of what contributed to the downfall of their relationship. I do know that Mom continued to make wild accusations at them and then backtrack and try to apologize. This cycle continued up until the wedding.
There was one big accusation that Mom made during this time that was the nail in the coffin for her. She accused Brother of marrying SIL only because she was pregnant. What's absolutely crazy about this is that Brother proposed a year and half before the wedding. They also had their location and date reserved over a year before the wedding as well. So this wasn't even close to being a possibility, but it reallyyyyyy set off Brother and SIL.
While Mom initially got a Save the Date for the wedding, she did not receive a wedding invitation when they sent out the actual invitations. She was crushed by this news that everyone else in the family got an invitation and she, the mother of the groom, did not. Mom eventually started to tell those in the family who were going - primarily Aunt, Uncle, Dad, and I - that we shouldn't be going in solidarity with her. She said that we were "choosing sides" and "against her" because we still planned on going.
Here's the thing: Dad was officiating the wedding and Uncle was a groomsman. Also, Aunt and Uncle were supplying their homemade wine for the wedding. This left Aunt and I in a tricky spot where we wanted to support Mom while she was going through a rough time, but didn't want to skip the wedding. After all, why should we forfeit our spots when Mom kept doing things to dig herself a hole.
Are you ready for the cherry on top of this putrid mess of a wedding cake? SIL and Brother did end up inviting Mom to the wedding and sent an invitation. But they did so 2 weeks before the wedding with some stipulations. She had to sit in the back during the ceremony, she wasn't allowed to go to the reception, and her 28 year old boyfriend was not allowed to come. I think there were other things as well, but those are the main ones. This sent Mom into a frenzy where she continued to make more accusations at Brother and SIL for having the restrictions and not trusting her to behave. She also continued to accuse Aunt and I for taking sides after their "disgusting behavior."
I tried to talk Brother and SIL into inviting her and at least allowing her to come to the reception. I promised I wouldn't allow anything to happen and if something did I would take Mom out. All this to no avail.
Mom decided not to go the wedding. Her reason: she already had other plans that she didn't want to cancel. She reserved a cabin in the woods for some "me time" with her boyfriend and our half-sister. Yeah, not sure how that's "me time" but that ain't my business I suppose. *insert Kermit drinking tea*
I understand that she wanted to go to the cabin she had already paid for for a weekend away. I understand that this whole incident was traumatizing for her as well since she was being excluded from her only son's wedding. She still made the decision to not go though even with the conditions to her invitation.
At the end of the day though, it was a beautiful wedding. Everything went smoothly and though Aunt and I missed her quite a bit, we were able to have a wonderful time despite her absence.
I still stand by my choice to go to the wedding because it's not like me not going would stop the whole wedding. Nothing would have changed other than I would have missed out on a fun party and one of the most important events of my brother's life. However, I want to know what you guys think. Should I have gone? Should I have done something more to try to support my mom?

i’m turning 18 on the 19th of may, and my graduation ceremony is on the 22nd. my family was all invited to come for the graduation, and for some reason they booked their trip from the 18-29th. my boyfriend’s graduation ceremony is the night of the 19th, and i want to hang out with him that day, we’re making birthday pancakes, he’s gonna take me to build a bear, get my belly button pierced, and go to my favorite cat cafe. that was all planned before we knew what day the graduation was, before any of my family members booked their flights, and he doesn’t have a whole lot of family so he really wanted me to come to the graduation. his mom texted me to let me know she made a reservation for us all for dinner before the ceremony as well. now both of my parents are yelling and screaming at me because IM “selfish and out of touch”, for wanting to hang out with my boyfriend on MY birthday, and i should have to stay home all day with my family who’s in town for my birthday so they can “celebrate” me. i told them it’s my bday, i never complain about anything my parents or brother choose to do on their bdays, and it’s not selfish to do what i want because my bday (especially my 18th) should be about me, and im not asking for anything extravagant for gifts anyway, and im paying for my own piercing and my boyfriend is buying the bear and a few other gifts. nothing that day im asking my parents to pay for. also, we have a combined bday/graduation lunch planned for the afternoon before the graduation ceremony anyway, and they’re staying for 11 days so there’s PLENTY of time to “celebrate me.”

First time poster, long time lurker! I was invited to a summer wedding and the invite says formal/black tie for dress code. It is an evening reception and I have no concerns there. My uncertainty comes in with the ceremony, it is mid afternoon in a church, so there will be several hours between ceremony and reception where guests will have time to kill. Do I wear the same thing I plan to wear to the reception to the church? Do I need two separate dresses for each part of the day? Same question for my husband. Does he wear his suit/tux all day or change in between? Does he need two suits? I don’t know why this feels so confusing to me.

Hey all,
Has anyone’s application been approved on 5/6/24 or later been invited to join the 5/22 virtual oath ceremony? My c&f app was approved on 5/6/24 but for some reason I wasn’t invited to join the 5/22 virtual oath ceremony. Am I the only one? Lol. TIA

Hi Charlotte, I have a wedding story for you of a wedding I had the misfortune to attend, buckle up guys, this was a train wreck.
I (31f) was always very close with my Grandma. She taught me things like how to knit, she loved teaching me how to cook and when we did family walks in the huge local park, she would "take us to get lost in the woods", because she knew how much my brother and I loved adventures.
My Grandfather always had a parade of mistresses when my Dad and his brothers were growing up, and because my Grandmother was traditional and didn't believe in divorce, she got stuck with these women being practically waved in her face. Sadly til the very end, she loved my Grandad dearly. Myself growing up, from since I can remember, the latest mistress, we'll call her X, was in the picture.
My Grandma sadly developed alzhiemers which meant that my Grandad was even less discreet, parading X around to the point where he would invite her to meals we went to where my poor Grandma was present, the worst one being one where my mother was also present, and the dynamic was Grandad flirting with my mother whilst X gave him daggers, my Grandma not really understanding what was going on, and me just wanting the ground to swallow me up.
Almost 10 years ago my Grandma's health declined, and I would go and visit her at the nursing home, and take care of her each day. My Grandad would visit her and bring X along with him, which I found insulting, but boy had I seen nothing yet.
Sadly she died, and we had a beautiful cremation service followed by a wake at a fancy hotel. Some drama was caused by my Dad's mistress turned girlfriend (I know, it runs in the family), but overall it went smoothly.
A few weeks later, Grandad arranges the scattering of the ashes. He specified no Grandchildren were allowed, which upset me considering I had been with her til the end, but it soon became apparent why. My Dad came home and told me that Grandad, at the ash scattering, announced he was getting married to X, his mistress. I was mortified as to how distasteful it was, but he chose the hotel where he held the wake for my Grandmother, and they would be married in three months time.
I didn't want to go for obvious reasons but my Dad said I had to go so that he wasn't alone. It was the biggest shit show I've had rhw misfortune to witness.
A friend from a former job came along, her job being to ply me with alcohol throughout the day, and boy did I need it.
First of all, all members of my Grandad's family had to wear a flower corsage. I usually think they are cute but I didn't want to be associated with this shit show.
The ceremony itself was okay, I just tried not to pay attention and counted down til we could go to the bar, but afterwards my friend whispered to me "I especially enjoyed the part in the vows where they said with the exception of all others!"
For the drinks reception I had to endure my Grandad's pretentious friends coming to me to tell me how lovely it must be to see my Grandad getting married, and according to my friend, I had a fixed serial killer smile whilst she would run to the bar and swiftly press drinks in my hand.
We all had the meal and then the speeches, oh god, the speeches, I have never wanted to crawl under a rock so badly. First there was the best man speech, where he told the story of first meeting Grandad and X, telling everyone "it soon became clear what the arrangement was!" with a wink to the audience, and ended with a joke about my Grandmother being a frigid cow.
X's speech was sentimental bollocks about finding love, which is all well and good, but he was married to my Grandma at the time.
Her brother made a speech about how Grandad used to wait for X on the drive in his (insert expensive car here), again, whilst married to my Grandma.
The final straw was during Grandad's speech where he accidentally called X by my Grandma's name, and I walked out.
When I waited in the bar area, a staff member said she recognised alot of us, and I told her "Yeah, for Grandma's wake, this is my Grandad marrying his mistress at the same venue", and after thinking I was joking at first, the nice lady offered me the rest of the glasses of champagne that didn't get used during the toast as they would be tossed out anyway, and I gladly took them off her hands.
Overall I've never been so mortified in my life, not only was the whole thing incredibly tacky, but my Grandma would have been rolling in her grave.
My Uncle managed to escape this circus living abroad, but when he came to visit, they brought out a slice of wedding cake they saved it (English wedding cake keeps for months) and he later told me that when he left, he tossed it out of his car window as he drove off, hoping they saw him.
To add to the tackiness, when Grandad died, he left X a statue of a naked lady he had actually bought for my Grandma, and when we asked why, it came out that he bought it for Grandma, because it reminded him of X, and also to remind my Grandma that X was in the picture.
Sadly this shit runs in the family, as my Dad also had a few mistresses, but luckily I was mostly kept from that as my Mom divorced him when she found out. I have a wonderful boyfriend who luckily hasn't run a mile given my insane family story, and we plan to get married. The family joke is that we should marry at the same hotel as the one used for Grandma's wake and then Grandad's wedding, as we might get a family discount on the third event, but I think I have too much PTSD associated with the place.
Hope you all enjoyed my family wedding drama story, and hopefully this gets read!
*Edit - to add to this whole dumpster fire, when my Grandad died he asked for half of his ashes to be scattered where my Grandma was scattered, and half in the place he used to take his mistress for dirty weekend trips.

Hello everyone!
I am a Bride2Be, and I want to post this not only to ask for advice but also to raise awareness.
My fiancé and I are planning to have our wedding in the Philippines, and we hired a Wedding Coordinator (WC) a year ago. Recently, I came across a review from another bride about a supplier that my WC recommended to me. The bride mentioned the price they paid for the exact package I am interested in. I was surprised because the package prices my WC sent me were different. Acting on my suspicion, I sent an anonymous inquiry to the supplier, and they provided me with a set of prices that are 4,000-5,000 pesos lower than what my WC quoted.
I have already paid a substantial amount for FULL COORDINATION (Package details below), so why are there still under-the-table deals to get more money out of me (the client)? If there is a referral fee, it should come from the supplier, not as an extra cost on top of the prices that are not disclosed to the client.
It's worth mentioning that before hiring my WC, I had already booked 30% of the suppliers for our wedding. As a hands-on bride, I've been looking for suppliers and most of the time, I contacted and booked them myself, even after hiring her. I made her job easier and I've been very reasonable and trusting.
What can I do in this situation? I believe this is a shady practice, and my WC is not acting in my best interest. I think she is taking advantage of me because I am an overseas bride.
___________________________________________________________________ Full Coordination PACKAGE 80,000 pesos CONTRACT SIGNED AND PAID
Preparation:

• Assist in determining and planning the budget and help manage to stay within the budget.
• Monitoring wedding timeline spreadsheet
• Assist in finding the perfect location: Church or Ceremony Venue, Reception Venue and/ or Caterer
• Refer and set-up appointment with various pre-screened Vendors: Wedding Gowns; Caterer, Printer, Florist, Cakes, Photographer, Videographers, Bridal Car, Sound System and other bridal needs to the last details.
• Assist in negotiations and reviewing contracts with vendors.
• Assist with wedding documentations (Limited to submitting of requirements only)
• Follow – ups and overall coordination with booked suppliers (through emails, phone calls and meetings)
• Monitoring and Management of deposits / balances /payments made to suppliers by the client.
• Assist in reviewing wordings and addressing of invitations.
• Assist in advising & coordinating schedules for measurements, fittings, pre-nups, trial make-ups and other wedding related appointments
• Recommend and source out gifts for the principal sponsors and bridal entourage
• Plan and coordinate Wedding Rehearsal if necessary. (additional payment)
• Coordinate and confirm with all the vendors chosen in reviewing details of arrangements.
• Instruct all attendants of their duties during the ceremony and reception
• Assist in conceptualizing Wedding reception program and preparing the wedding day timetable

Wedding Day

• 7 Professional Coordinators
• Head Coordinator
• Bride Manager
• Groom Manager
• Church Coordinator
• Program Manager
• Assist couple in confirming details, services, and final agreements with wedding suppliers (banquet manager, florist/event stylist, photographer. videographer, cake designer, musicians/band/strings/sound system, gown designer, stationer etc.)
• Assist in reviewing service contracts of previously booked suppliers
• Guest management and Registration, floor plan layout, and seating arrangements
• Provide an outline with exact time of reception program
• Help organize and route ceremony and reception materials (e.g. gifts for principal sponsors, entourage, offertory materials, souvenirs, etc.)
• Provide a CREW MEAL REPORT to the client for actual advice on cash allowances or meals required by supplier
• Preparation of church processional

My cousin is getting married in July and having a beach destination wedding.
My aunt (cousins mom) is paying for the wedding.
Yesterday at a family gathering for Mother’s Day, my aunt says to me “no funny business at the wedding”
Confused, I asked her to elaborate. She said “none of that gay stuff. No makeup, no nail polish, no fruity outfits, no girly hairstyles… and for god sake grow some hair on your legs. You’re a man and you WILL act like one”
For reference, I’m gender fluid and gender non conforming. I have long (mid back) hair and a short well kept beard. I shave my body hair (except the beard). I don’t wear makeup everyday but I usually have my nails done and my clothing is a mix of both “masculine” and “feminine” attire.
I’m happy with myself and the way I present myself and have been for many years. This is nothing new, and I’ve never been given grief over it before by any family or friends, including her.
And, for what it’s worth, the outfit I have picked out for the wedding (which she already saw) is a tux for the ceremony and male dressy beach clothes for the after party.
Offended, I, “first off, this is not YOUR wedding, second, if this is such a big deal, why was I even invited??”
She said “I just don’t want to be embarrassed and have the photos ruined”
To which I said, “well I won’t ruin anything because I’m not going”
She got mad and said I had to because the seating and catering is already set and if I don’t go it will mess it up.
I’ve already cancelled my flight and explained in private to my cousin why I don’t want to attend anymore and she was very understanding.
TL;DR: AITA for backing out of my cousins wedding after being told that being my authentic self would too embarrassing for her mom to handle??

i’m turning 18 on the 19th of may, and my graduation ceremony is on the 22nd. my family was all invited to come for the graduation, and for some reason they booked their trip from the 18-29th. my boyfriend’s graduation ceremony is that night, and i want to hang out with him that day, we’re making birthday pancakes, he’s gonna take me to build a bear, get my belly button pierced, and go to my favorite cat cafe. that was all planned before we knew what day the graduation was, and he doesn’t have a whole lot of family so he really wanted me to come to the graduation. his mom texted me to let me know she made a reservation for us all for dinner before the ceremony as well. now both of my parents are yelling and screaming at me because IM selfish, for wanting to hang out with my boyfriend on MY birthday, and i should have to stay home all day with my family who’s in town for my birthday so they can “celebrate” me. i told them it’s my bday, i never complain about anything my parents or brother choose to do on their bdays, and it’s not selfish to do what i want because my bday (especially my 18th) should be about me, and im not asking for anything extravagant for gifts anyway. also, we have a combined bday/graduation lunch planned for the afternoon before the graduation ceremony anyway, and they’re staying for 11 days so there’s PLENTY of time to “celebrate me.”

May 2020: I treated him coldly after he laughed off my story of experiencing an awarding ceremony mishap where my name was mentioned but someone else's face was on the screen (this already happened to me multiple times: First incident, my certificate stated "his" instead of her. Second incident, it stated "1st place" instead of 1st runner up.) So I(15F) finally decided to end the (1 year) mutual understanding with him(16M). We still had little to no conversations. Until I slowly started to realize that breaking up with him was the worst move.
First Week of December 2022: We had a group project, we (just friends 17F and 18M) originally planned to be grouped together until, his friend asked him to be grouped with him because his friend didn't want to be with people he doesn't know. Without telling us about it (only him and his girl best friend knew), he tried to group the rest of the members with his girl best friend because he trusts her. I asked him what happened and he never replied, ghosted me for a week.
Last Week of December 2022: I was doubting (because he has girl best friends) but still tried to get back with him, he agreed and we've fallen for each other all over again. Fast forward to a few months, I opened up about being jealous of his girl best friends, he accepted and didn't say anything about it.
Additional detail: We would take the ride home together. He recently revealed to me that he had been going back to school (20-30 minute ride, and as much as possible, he likes taking the 1.5km walk going to and coming back from school) for his track and field training. After training, he's all sleepy and whole body hurts. I surprised him with a mini ice pack but he barely used it. I was unaware that my concerns became words and actions that started downgrading him where he already stopped liking track and field. Due to what happened and being busy in college, he barely joined trainings again.
He had a big competition where they had to get up early in the morning so he had to sleepover at his friend's house. My best friend was also there, she chatted me that she couldn't sleep and I told her she can ask him(my now BF) for help but she was still too shy to ask. My best friend felt uncomfortable around the other guys, he volunteered to watch over her. He started to think how awkward things got and felt uncomfortable around my best friend. I used his girl best friends against the situation and he admitted that compared to my best friend, he wouldn't feel uncomfortable if it was his girl best friends. Now all he remembers is that I ruined his competition day.
May 2023: I wasn't allowed to attend prom because I had strict parents. He also planned to not go but during the very last minute, he was forced by his parents because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. My last chat to him was to enjoy and his last chat was a thank you for allowing him to go and a sorry for breaking his promise that he wouldn't go without me.
June 2023: I asked "Did you drank during prom?", he suddenly got all defensive and it took him a day before he admitted that he was invited to drink in a room with 1 guy friend, 1 girl best friend and 4 other girls, without telling me (because he knew I would get mad). His statements were "He knows his tolerance level." "He only went with them as a pay back because we're all going to college already."
August 2023: We're enjoying our lunch and I randomly saw a notification popped up, it was from his girl best friend. I asked him what he could do about it but he said "His girl best friends came first before me and they were there during his hardest times, especially when we broke up."
November 2023: Every time we would argue, as a fight or flight response, I would bring up our unresolved prom issue and he would start questioning if all the sacrifices and efforts he had given and been giving will never be enough just because of the issue, kept asking me to forgive and forget. Then we came up with the plan to tell my parents about our relationship.
Additional detail: We went out during November and I had a curfew to reach home by 5. He convinced me to stay longer, but I started worrying that I'll be scolded once I reach home. We were buying food, I really didn't know which one to choose and ended up giving the staff a silent treatment which I'm really ashamed of. And I was also scolded for violating the curfew time. Now all he remembers from that day is my silent treatment.
December 2023: All was going according to his plan, he bought presents during their family trip. But I screwed up the very last minute, asked him if he's really prepared, because of my doubts he called off the confession as well.
May 2024: We're arguing over everything in a never ending cycle. He called me sexist for wanting him to be the one to face my parents. I had to convince him to come with me and I'll do the talking (planning to confess in the upcoming month). Now, he's still passing the responsibility to me, expects me to do it on my own.
Additional detail: He called me emotional, said my rants had been draining him, so I had to promise that I'll stop sharing the littlest things that's happening in my life. Once I started sharing stories (turning into rants) again, he would break up with me, saying that the only way I can get back with him is to face my parents on my own.
TLDR: I(15F) broke up with him(16M), got back together after 2 years. Due to unresolved issues and traumas, we're(18F 19M) now stuck in a never ending cycle of unintentionally destroying each other. I really hope we could still fix the relationship :( Would appreciate all the thoughts and advices, thank you in advance!!

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The short story is when we were dating, my husband went on a date with a woman, kept in touch with her, and tried to go on another date 2 months before he proposed.
We recently went to an alumni event for his graduate school, and when we were there, a woman came up to me and we had an awkward conversation- she started off by saying that she was inviting herself to my wedding (we got married on paper and are having the ceremony later) and made a comment that “husband sure does know what he wants”. On the way home, husband said “you know how I said that a girl flirted with me very aggressively and groped me? That was her”. The thing is- he absolutely never told me that. When I said he never told me, he insisted that he did. I asked that he give me more information and he told me that she had invited him out to lunch, she was so attractive that he didn’t think she would be hitting on him, she flirted with him, and he shut it down. This happened when we were officially dating about 5 months into our relationship.
Something did not seem right about the story so I pressed him for more information and he said that they had also tried to meet up for tea one more time but it didn’t happen then he got angry and said that he was trying to be patient but I was over reacting so I let it go.
The next day, I brought it up again and asked for more information because I was upset that he had tried to meet up with her again. He then changed his story and said that the second meeting was going to be at a Super Bowl party and he would have brought me along. He said that he never said that he would have met her for tea and I should hear how ridiculous I sounded. I then had to go to work so I said I would text him.
When I was at work, I asked for her Instagram handle because I wanted to get her side of the story. She said that they met up once, kept in touch, had tried to meet up again and she didn’t show up. She specifically said it was not a date. I told her that my husband had said that she was flirting with him and if she had been I wasn’t upset with her because she would have had no way of knowing he was in a relationship. At this, she got offended and said that if he had thought that he should not have asked her out again and say that she would be unfollowing him and would not talk to him anymore.
I reached back out to my husband to let her know what she said and he got angry and said that she absolutely had flirted with him. I asked him again for more information and he said that he walked her back to her car and on the way, they also stopped at a boutique and then she looked at desserts.
This is getting long, so in short : I got home and looked at his phone. He had deleted parts of their conversation and it turns out that he asked her out, they took selfies with her holding his arm, him with his arm around her, spent 3 hours at the first restaurant, took funny pictures at the boutique, went to a second restaurant and spent an hour there. They then kept in touch and he literally never mentioned me once. They had not made plans to met at the Super Bowl party, he had asked her out again to the same restaurant and she literally stood him up. He still talked to her after that and remembered her birthday.
He also tried to meet up with another woman that he had been dating when we were not exclusive well into our relationship.
When I ask him explain, he either says that he doesn’t know why he did it, he forgot it happened or he didn’t think it was a big deal. This is part of a continuing pattern though where he disregards my feelings.
I am really struggling because this absolutely breaks my trust but it never got physical so I’m not sure if it is really that bad?

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My in laws tend to play favorites with their children and grandchildren. My FIL will play and love on his other grandkids but won't even acknowledge our kids. I mean not even a hello at events or family gatherings. My MIL is better. She will talk with them and such but there is definitely a difference between her relationship with our kids and her other grandkids. I try not to let my negative relationship with my MIL show to my kids because my husband, while not close with them, loves his parents. My daughter (11) has noticed a difference in how she and her brother are treated compared to the others and has become very indifferent towards my MIL when we are together. I think the final straw for DD was when my MIL sent her a Happy 10th bday card on her 11th bday. While not really a big deal, to my preteen daughter it was.
She is about to have a recognition ceremony for the end of school and she is moving on to the next school. My husband and I will be there as well as my parents. I mentioned inviting MIL and FIL and my daughter asked that I don't. I will respect her wishes. I haven't told my husband yet. If he asks, I will be honest with him. However, I'm not sure what to tell my in laws. I don't plan to just come out and tell them. Only if they ask. But I'm not sure what to say. I don't want to throw my daughter under the bus and just come out and say "Well she didn't want you there". Advice?

I wanted to share my recent experience and seek some advice on what to do next.
I was scheduled to attend my oath ceremony on May 8, 2024, but unfortunately, I missed it due to technical issues that arose during the ceremony itself. I immediately reached out to the relevant authorities via email to explain the situation. I received an automated confirmation email stating that my inquiry had been received.
However, Today i got a response I got was somewhat vague. It mentioned that further information had been sent to my email address on May 13, 2024, but when I checked, I couldn't find any follow-up email. The message also advised me to check my junk mail folder, which I did, but to no avail.
I'm feeling a bit lost about what my next steps should be. Has anyone been in a similar situation before? How long does it typically take for them to send another invitation after such a hiccup? I understand that these processes can vary, but any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance for your help!

Hey there! The bride here - so I sent out digital invited + financial commitment/contribution had not been made at the time but is there anyway I can show appreciation to my parents for their contribution. The groom's side did not contribute and his parents are divorced. Maybe something in the ceremony program?

We’re getting married soon and honestly the worst part of planning the wedding has been the PEOPLE. Everyone feels entitled to do what they want for our wedding day, and it’s really starting to get to me.
I’m a huge people pleaser and I knew making our wedding an adult only ceremony & reception would rub some people the wrong way. My friends who have kids are so excited to have a night off without the kids, and tell me all the time. I really appreciate their assurance about that, but it’s been outweighed by certain family members who can’t seem to take no for an answer.
While we have a lot of people happy about the no kids rule, we also have quite a few that are demanding their kids come anyways. This really upsets me because I want everyone to be happy, but ultimately this is probably the one time in my life where I’ll be able to make all the rules to center around my fiancé and I. We don’t have kids, we love our family members kids, but kids are kind of a lot to deal with at a wedding.
Our venue is not kid friendly, the meal price for a kid is $42 (I believe it’s so expensive because they really don’t encourage kids to be there anyways), and if we did have kids at the wedding, it’d be over capacity and definitely out of budget.
If a parent can’t come because they can’t find a sitter, so be it. I would rather have guests come to me and decline their invitation rather than have them come up to me demanding their kids be invited.
It’s just super frustrating and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but truthfully MY feelings have been hurt. Everyone’s making me seem like I’m the bad guy and how dare I make my wedding about myself & my fiancé.
Also, these people have had well over a year to find sitters or figure it out for themselves. Now that it’s coming up, suddenly everyone has a problem.
Anyone else deal with something similar?