Has clinton anderson got a divorce

Hello y'all
Ten years ago I went through what was at first a divorce. A couple years down the road my ex-wife communicated me she wanted to go for an annulment. She's a very, huh, persuasive (sometimes even aggressive as far as her persuasion skills are concerned) so to avoid any unnecessary stress, I told her to do whatever she wanted, whatever it would take - and I'd just sign whatever document she needed to do it. She sent the necessary documents to the church, with claims that were really exaggerated versions of reality, with a touch of lies here and there - we were really toxic to each other but she blamed me alone. I was kinda upset but signed the docs anyway, she got what she wanted and I got "peace". At the time I was a full blown atheist and also very hurt from what happened during our marriage and wouldnt even consider the possibility of being with anyone again.
So, years have passed, my heart has healed and since a couple months ago things happened within myself and I've been learning to become a believer. I've been reading the Bible everyday and found out dirvorce is not allowed but annulment gives the possibility of a new marriage. But what about this scenario I lived, where the arguments of the annulment where a bunch of lies I ended up undersigning, which I understand is a big sin itself? Would God see a new marriage as adultery after this ? Is this forgivable?
Sorry for the poor English, not a native and still learning to speak in more Christian terms.

I want to take a moment to list out some of my most challenging problems with Protestantism according to what Scripture says, in no particular order. It is not a comprehensive list of all of the problems that I have with it, but having these answered would go a long way to me taking Protestantism seriously from a theological viewpoint.
We should rely on our own personal interpretation of Scripture
And we have the prophetic word made more sure. You will do well to pay attention to this as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. ²⁰ First of all you must understand this, that no prophecy of scripture is a matter of one’s own interpretation, ²¹ because no prophecy ever came by the impulse of man, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.
Here, Peter is saying PAY ATTENTION TO THE CHURCH!!! Listen to what the apostles are teaching and allow that to form your reading of Scripture. If you read the rest of this chapter, He says that "we" (the apostles) have had given to them, "all things that pertain to life and godliness" through knowledge of Jesus Christ. When we read Scripture, we should not read it solely with our own understanding, but allow ourselves to be taught by the apostles (or those appointed by them as successors).
When it comes to Sola Scriptura, I do not see how it is not relying on one's own personal interpretation. How do I know that I am understanding Scripture correctly? How do I know that I do not have an interpretation that is horribly off base? I have never really gotten an answer to this from Protestants.
If I am debating Scripture, according to Protestants, I am debating the sole highest authority. So if I test my interpretation against something else, I am testing against a lesser authority and thus it can still be challenged and I have not sufficiently solved the problem.
We only need to declare Jesus as Lord to get to Heaven
“Not every one who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
Here Jesus flatly says professing that Jesus is Lord is not enough to get you into Heaven, but doing the will of the Father. Yes, we are saved by faith through grace. If you get baptized and are shot dead the moment you walk out of the church, you will go to Heaven having done nothing except making that "leap of faith." If you are in a car crash and have a minute to live and all you can do is place your trust in Jesus, yes, you will be saved. But for 99.99999% of people, this is not the case. We have our entire lives to live after baptism. So the question is "Do we live according to what we profess with our mouth?"
If I say "I am an Orioles fan." but only ever go to/watch Yankees games and only ever root for the Yankees, would you say that I am actually an Orioles fan? Do I not call into question that statement that I made by my actions? What if I grow up as an Orioles fan, regularly attending games and watching them daily. But then later, my favorite player gets traded to the Yankees and I convert to a Yankees fan. Was I never an Orioles fan to begin with? No. That would be silly. I was an Orioles fan, but then became a Yankees fan.
Likewise, if I say "I am a Christian and believe that Jesus rose from the dead." But I never attend Church, I am not loving others, I am worshipping other gods, etc. Am I really a Christian? Maybe I was at one point, but I certainly am not now based on what I have done.
As such, yes, it is true that works do not save us, but if we act contrary to what we believe, we cannot have assurance of our salvation. Hopefully God still finds a way to bring us to Heaven. I would rather someone spend 1000 years after death having their soul purified knowing that they will go to Heaven then know for a fact that they are in Hell. Even so, we must recognize that Hell is real, it is a real possibility.
Baptism does not save
He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned.
Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, ²² who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers subject to him.
I have ZERO idea where some Protestants get this idea from. The idea that Baptism is not salvific is not at all Scriptural. This really ties into the "Sola Fide" bit of this post.
The Eucharist is merely symbolic
I am the bread of life. ⁴⁹ Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. ⁵⁰ This is the bread which comes down from heaven, that a man may eat of it and not die. ⁵¹ I am the living bread^\)^c\) which came down from heaven; if any one eats of this bread, he will live for ever; and the bread which I shall give for the life of the world is my flesh.”
⁵² The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?”^\)^d\) ⁵³ So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you; ⁵⁴ he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. ⁵⁵ For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. ⁵⁶ He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. ⁵⁷ As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats me will live because of me. ⁵⁸ This is the bread which came down from heaven, not such as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live for ever.” ⁵⁹ This he said in the synagogue, as he taught at Caper′na-um.
Jesus flat out says "This bread that I am talking about here is my flesh." So the disciples challenge Him saying "You mean this figuratively right?... RIGHT?
So Jesus responds repeating himself over and over in verses 53 through 58. How many times does Jesus need to say something for you to believe it? You will latch on to a singular verse that teaches something you agree with (or seems to) for dear life at the exclusion of literally any other verse on the topic, but something else is taught multiple times and you don't believe it? I am confused about how Protestants read the Bible. It does not seem to be in any kind of coherent exegesis.
You are allowed to get divorced and remarried... at all.
“Every one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
But Jesus said to them, “For your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. ⁶ But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ⁷ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,^\)^a\) ⁸ and the two shall become one.’^\)^b\) So they are no longer two but one.^\)^c\) ⁹ What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
He said to them, “For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. ⁹ And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity,^\)^c\) and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman, commits adultery.”
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
Marriage is "until death do us part." The teachings on divorce from the Gospels is trying to set a trap for Jesus to see which rabbinical school he agrees with. Jesus comes out and says. "Neither." He says "Yeah. Moses allowed for divorce. But this is not how it was from the beginning. What about that "except for unchastity" phrase in Matthew (and only Matthew)?
There Matthew is talking about unions that God did not join together. He is talking about invalid marriages that his primarily Jewish readers would have been thinking about. The gentile converts to Christianity would not have thought about these weird situations, so this is excluded from the other gospels.
You can get re-baptized
There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism,
Some that want to say that you can get rebaptized jump to Acts 19. Reading this passage, it would seem that what is going on here is that the Baptism by John was not in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Paul is essentially saying that the "baptism" that they had received was not valid. He does not say that he "baptized them again into Christ." Rather it says that Paul "baptized them in the name Jesus Christ." As in they were not baptized into Christ, so Paul baptized them "for real this time."
You can only be cleansed from Original Sin once. After that, you can confess your sins and have them forgiven. Baptism is what makes into a child of God. That can only happen once. To do otherwise is a grave sin because you are saying that God was not powerful enough to save you the first time. Again, if a baptism is deemed to be invalid, this is a different story. This is why Paul asks "Into what were you baptized?"
The Church is simply the collection of believers
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶ But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. ¹⁸ Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Here it is clear that the "Church" is something more than a collection of believers. Jesus teaches here that first, you deal with disagreement 1 on 1. If that does not work, you go and get other believers to help show that they are wrong. If that does not work, then take to the Church. If even that does not work, they are to be treated as an unbeliever (excommunicated).
Certainly, all believers are a part of the Church - which is the body of Christ. The Church is not a parish or a singular building. The Church is universal, but there is a clear structure to it. There are priests, bishops, elders, etc. There is real authority in that structure. This article goes over in Scripture and towards the bottom the Church Fathers what the Church is meant to look like: https://www.scripturecatholic.com/the-biblical-church/
Many Protestant ideas sound nice, but I do not want to believe something merely because it sounds nice. Dessert for dinner sounds nice but it is not good for my body. Likewise, we should not judge something on "does it sound nice." We should judge something on whether it is good for our souls.
I look at many Protestant theological views and note how they seem to not be based in Scripture or based on a misunderstanding of Scripture. I would love to see if Protestants can properly answer these. Simply quoting verses that seem to back you up is not enough here. You need to show that these other verses are not problematic.
I do not only want to trust in Jesus, I want to trust that I am following everything that he taught. Jesus commanded the apostles to teach all that He has commanded, not just the important stuff. If you get the main stuff right but other things wrong, you still got it wrong. If a teacher gave a 10 question quiz and said, "You got questions 1, 2, 5, and 7 right, but everything else wrong. It is ok though those questions were the most important." I still get a failing grade. So, if you want me to convert to Protestantism you need to show that you actually follow all of Scripture, because I want to strive to get a 100% on the "test" of salvation. After all Jesus told us to "Be perfect as Your Heavenly Father is perfect" Not "Be kind of perfect as Your Heavenly Father is perfect."

I know I keep saying this in comments but I'm having a bad day in the PTSD front. I will be fine. I do have therapy and a lifetime of coping skills but I want to make sure people who are preparing see this.
If possible make sure your after surgery care includes mental health. There's a lot of things that can trip various mental health care needs. While today is being extra rough there's been tons of little ones and if I hadn't prepared it would be harder.
So to prepare?

1. Make sure your support system knows you're about to be vulnerable, have hormonal changes, and that surgery is trauma. Physically but emotionally. It's scary. If it isn't that is actually not good for the mental health later (it's me my brain did this).
   
2. If you have access and aren't seeing someone set up therapy. I guestimated for me a month out and to the day that is when my brain decided to go "Here's the trigger wagon full of things to relive and hyper vigilance is going to be even worse than directly after!" How fast after surgery will vary but in case you're not sure about being able to go? Telehealth options exist because of the pandemic so it's just a different place than other therapy options.
   
3. The good days are going to be wonderful. The bad will be emotionally hard. This isn't just because surgery is trauma but s mixture of the medication side effects, hormonal changes, and the changes to our bodies. It's a lot.
   
4. How bad it can get is individual. If you're struggling immediately after remember that there's options. For the USA there is the new emergency line for mental health 988. This doesn't mean only life and death stuff and there's a lot of variety in what they can do. So they can be a good option for the gap between surgery and care.
   
5. Remember you are not alone. I am bad at sharing my pain or I was. That's changed with good mental health care and a good support system. I still struggle with feeling like I have to hide this stuff. Like mentioning it is a bad thing. It makes it easier to reframe so it's not an insurmountable thing.
   

Some options I am not sure where to put. I set up a group chat during the pandemic with my closest people (partner, chosen family, best friend). It's the Ventspace. We were all struggling for obvious reasons. I was actually the best off and I am on SSI for my PTSD. The rules for the Ventspace? Only go into it if you have the mental health room to support the person needing it. This way there is a consent aspect vs trauma dumping. It's usually an immediate response but it's still giving everyone a buffer if their own stuff is too big. Sometimes it's just "Don't read this" followed by a scream into the void of pain. Sometimes it's everyone having hard times but supporting each other. This is part of surviving the pandemic while being terrified I wouldn't survive not from Covid (actually never gotten it) but from my uterus and the 7 year hemmoragh. I needed transfusions and it's very much part of the brain weasels going off. We each have found there's stuff we cannot put there. Limits exist and that's why therapy. I refuse to irrevocably scar my chosen family for life and certainly can with my trauma. I just also don't want my partner to see me in that space. There's no shame for that but a genuine concern about the effects on their mental health and mine if I say it. I have barely begun to word those things to my therapist. This is why I have one
The brain weasels are the other hard to categorize thing. I didn't have access to therapy for most of my life. I was diagnosed with PTSD at age 4 during my parents divorce and things got worse from there. I didn't actually feel happiness until I was in my 20s. That's when I got a therapist. The brain weasels come from that time but have been vital for coping and helpful for my chosen family too.
Brain weasels are the personification of the things we tell ourselves or the repetition of things we were told that aren't actually true and are harmful. "I'm worthless." That's a mild example. Sometimes for me the brain weasels are even the exact sound of my parents' voices. The ones that are less obvious are harder to manage but imagining them as the cartoon weasels from Who Framed Rodger Rabbit helps a ton. As does imagining facts as giant cartoon hammers that they get beaten with.
Say my brain goes to tell me that it's my fault my carer got into a car accident because I experimented with not doing an ocd ritual and unluckily they were in the accident. The ritual being supposed to prevent that means my brain is going to lie and terrorize me. So I will first try on my own to call the brain weasel out. If I had that much power over everything nothing bad would exist. That's not reality. Things like that. If that doesn't work I will ask for help with the brain weasels in the vent space and lay everything out. Usually doing this helps working past the moment because I can see how the brain weasel isn't an accurate reflection of reality but part of my OCD issues. From there it's looking at what I need to do to cope, what can I control, what is safe coping.
By the end the brain weasel is thoroughly crushed and while it may come back later I am not just okay/fine but usually feeling empowered because of the reality of what I can control. If not empowered I am at least not trapped in that anxiety cycle. This is a real example. The ritual is small but when I leave or someone leaves my company I have to say as the last thing "Drive safely." Which is half the thought. Drive safely because no one else will. It used to be a lot worse than two words but that's part of the process too.
I know I'll be fine in part because of the process and years of practice but with the PTSD? We already survived that. Our brain dragging us through time is uncomfortable, painful, and horrible but we're not actually in that danger and we survived. The pain is valid and real. We deserve comfort and care. It doesn't stop the pain but we aren't actually there.
Sometimes this reminder has to come after because my brain doesn't always let me know that. This is why I appreciate my cat being a chaos goblin with my PTSD. He didn't exist so why is there purring and cuddling of a giant kitten involved? So if you're new to PTSD or struggling with it and can? Try to keep something you can touch around that didn't exist and it may interrupt the process.
The other thing is our trauma responses exist to keep us alive. PTSD isn't just being terrorized forever. It is pattern recognition at its worst. Something poked the subconscious bear. That something might be a threat. So the brain trying to prepare for surviving again is going to go through the bad shit so we are ready. It's supposed to make it easier to spot the threat. Our brains went overboard like me reciting the entire history of Batman with maximum autism styling.
Those are things I figured out as coping before therapy but refined with. I know I am not alone. I know that someone may need this. If it's you? Don't feel obligated to comment if you're not up for being vulnerable. I do understand that happens and I wouldn't want you pushing yourself to reassure me. If you can? Add your coping suggestions too.

So I (32m) have been married to my wife (31f) for 14 years, 7 months, and 11 days. We've had our rough patches in the past. Before I deployed she threw her wedding ring at me 3 times saying she was done. She saw a snapchat with a girls name on it, and immediately assumed I was cheating. In all sincerity that girl was a classmate and we exchanged notes that way, plus the occasional how are you regular stuff. My wife decided it was time for a divorce so she packed up and left. Told me to sell the house and split the profits, which I did. I go on deployment the whole time maintaining constant contact with her and the kids (3 of them). The whole time. She used this time to build a connection with a coworker and have sex at work in the back room. Then she connected emotionally with another guy and slept with him 3 or 4 times according to her. Finally there was a one night stand with someone that I don't know about. She never told me about any of this. When I got back we decided to make things work and focus on us. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, we were going on our weekly date and I see a guys name on her phone as I'm driving. She quickly tilted the phone so that I couldn't see the messages. I thinking there was no way she was cheating on me, assumed this was a coworker friend. Two nights ago I cooked dinner for the family. After finishing up, she asked if I wanted ice cream to which I said yes. She doordashed it, and asked me to pick what I wanted using her phone while she went to the bathroom. I had an inkling to check her messages which I did end up doing. Here is the same guy who had been messaging her in the car. They had planned to go hiking together, he called her his favorite person, and then she sent emojis which included the finger in the hole. I gave her her phone back and calmly asked how long she had been cheating on me. She denied doing anything and asked where this was coming from. I told her about the messages and she was defensive about me looking through her phone. She later admitted after hours of arguing, that this is a coworker whom she flirted with at her old job while I was deployed. They had been messaging and suddenly became flirty again. She said he was the only guy she's ever talked to like that. She decided to leave the kids at home and send me vague messages insinuating she was going to hurt herself. She has done this in the past to the point where she was hospitalized for a week. She drove up the mountain and I followed her to make sure it wasn't a real threat to hurt herself. She promised me she wouldn't do anything so I drove back home to be with the kids. I had to calm down and took a bath. She snuck inside the house and put one of my guns on my bed saying she left it there. I went looking for her but she went to her dad's house to spend the night due to being ashamed of her actions. That was three days ago. Yesterday I decided to read her journal to see how long it had been going on. And boom, I discovered there was another guy whom she "fell in love with after 3 days". This was the guy she slept with multiple times. She came clean about all 3 guys she slept with during our break time. So I asked to see her phone and she allowed me to look at it. Then I found out she had a reddit account where she would post nudes and message guys. The guys would send NSFW pics back and they would sext. She claims it was only attention seeking behavior, but I found out she had a full on conversation with a guy whom she gave her snapchat to. They exchanged pics and would sext back and forth. She swears up and down she will never do anything like this again. My question to the community: what do I do? I love her to death and have spent a good majority of my life with her. I just don't know what to do. Sorry for the long explanation, please help.
TLDR; My wife of 14 years cheated on me during a separation but continued those relationships as friendships. She then posted nudes online and chatted with guys. Do I continue the marriage?

My (36F) husband (38M) has been in a psychosis since January. He has repeatedly refused medical help. In February he said he wanted a divorce. Legally I am still married to him. He said I was no longer allowed to leave the house and that if I didn't find accommodation in 3 months I was allowed to rent the lower portion of the that I co-own. I felt very unsafe so I fled to my mother. The following night he vandalized my mother's house and called me names. After that he tried to reconcile, and my only request was that he seek medical help so this doesn't happen again. It the meantime I found out he was visiting prostitutes and confronted him about it. He said he is a prophet (Jesus) and that those women are made permissible to him. I got myself tested for STD's immediately and luckily I had none. He also admitted visiting prostitutes twice 2 years back when he was not manic as far as I know. After this he broke off all contact with me. I had accepted the fact that my marriage is over. In this period he also lost his job, was manic spending and got into trouble with the law (vandalized another family members home but not as severely as my mother's).
Suddenly about 3 weeks ago he contacts me again and apologizes for everything and wants me to come back home. I said I wouldn't even think about coming home unless he gets medical help & I need some time to trust him again. He said he was open to medical help and also therapy and shared his childhood trauma with me. He was apparently a victim of CSA. He went with me to our GP and we told the doctor everything. He said that he had been having these symptoms since 2008. I hadn't noticed anything. He was diagnosed with bipolar and was perscribed Olanzapine. He was taking it regularly and we were spending time together. I noticed he had trouble making decisions and asked me or his father to take all the decisions for him. This is very unlike him.
Meanwhile he had thrown everything out of our house, from the curtains to furniture, to all his and my stuff and all paperwork and now he wanted to remove the floorboards. I had managed to get important papers out like the house deed and took them with me so that he doesn't throw it away. He had sold 2 cars and a scooter, so we put the one remaining car in my name so he wouldn't be able to sell it like he was planning to. This Friday he suddenly calls me at night and says that I'm a gaslighter, that I emotionally manipulated him into taking the medication and that I forced him to take it. He said the medication made him sleepy and that he was unable to apply to jobs like this. All I said was let's discuss it with the doctor and to please not stop the antipsychotics suddenly since that is not safe. He called me the next day and said he had talked to a psychiatrist (?) and that he/she said its safe to stop it immediately. At this point I admit I could have handled the situation better, but I got so angry. Here I am trying to get past his betrayal, and trying to help him and all I get back instead is being called a gaslighter and manipulator. I am exhausted chasing a 38 year old man to take his medicine. It feels like im the only one trying to save this marriage. He said the medication has helped him, and now he is cured and thanks for the help but that's it. He is an adult and can take his own medical decisions. I asked him if he still thinks he is a prophet and he said yes.
He said he believes that I am never coming back anyways and he has been nice to me long enough ( 2 weeks ). He said I stole his car and house papers and to return them immediately which I refused. Medication is just not something that I am willing to compromise on. I don't want to run to my mother house every few months because my husband wants a divorce again or cheated on me during a psychosis. I want a stable life with him. I'm just wondering if I should have returned home sooner like he asked me to? Did I let him down? Is my divorce valid since he is now a diagnosed bipolar? We havent talked since Friday and he has been to prostitutes again.

Get ready for a long one! Going to start this with a little (maybe a lot of) back story, over the last 5-6 years there has been a lot of conflict in my family not always directly involving me but always affecting me causing the family I’m in contact with to get smaller and smaller. My dad passed in 2020 and the family fall out was DRAMATIC to say the least, honestly that could be another Reddit post in of itself but I’m still healing from the trauma. Anyway, that resulted in me going no contact with nearly my dad’s entire family except his two sisters. One I love dearly but am not close with and the other, his youngest sister is like my own sister more than an aunt. We are close in age, have children similar ages, etc. I’m closer to her more than anyone in the world. Now on to my mom… my parents were divorced for about 3.5 years prior to my dads passing, and over the last 6 years her parents also passed and she lost contact with all of her other family… she is virtually alone. I love my mom, it breaks my heart and to make matters worse… I moved to another country 6 months after my dad died.
So let’s get it straight that I have TWO people to call family on my side really and truly. Along side my little brother who cannot be counted on and my aunt who lives a coast away from the rest of my family. A very small family for me now compared to the large family I grew up with…
Let me assure you also that my mom is stilll very much young at 50yo and healthy. She also has had a busy dating life and currently a steady boyfriend… so she’s not some poor old woman wasting away. So. While I’ve been living away I’ve given birth to both of my children… my mom’s first grandchildren and her also being the only grandparent on my side, her seeing them has been very important to me. I have gone to visit once a year and helped her come visit me once . Every visit is a disaster and I manage to disappoint my mom in some way or another even though…. I’m the one traveling across an ocean alone with babies! But still I try. When she came to visit me… it was in 2022 just a week after my son was born… I had gotten really sick after birth, and was in the hospital for a week and then had to go to the hospital daily getting iv meds.. it was a scary and traumatic time and I was so thankful to have my mom there…. Except she cried everyday about how I forced her to travel to another country alone and how we aren’t even doing anything….. again I was sick and just a week post partum… I bit my tongue and was very accommodating but did ask her to take a train/bus to and from the airport because it was far and didn’t want to be alone with both children for extended time due to being sick and weak… I thought this was perfectly reasonable considering she’s an able bodied adult who can read a book or listen to music during a trip and allow my husband to stay home and support me.
Flash forward to a recent trip home… I originally proposed this trip just me and my two children and to stay with my mom( again even though my family is small, it’s important to me she sees my kids) however my husband now has the opportunity with work to come with me…. Great now I don’t have to fly alone with two toddlers! When my in laws find out (by the way they have come to visit us twice and they live pretty far away on the opposite coast my family lives on) they decide they want to come too… meaning they’re gonna fly out an visit my coast so we can have a big family trip with both our families. I tell my mom nervously because I know she can be irritated by things like this but she acts excited for the trip still! So my MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL, and two nieces all fly out and get beach rental just a few houses down from where my mom lives. When the time comes it works out that we were there 2 days before and 2 days after my in laws and they’re there for 6 days in the middle. The way I planned it in my head was that we’d spend the first two days with my mom and the last two, as well as sometime with just my in laws in the middle while my mom worked and some combined time all together. And we were also staying with my mom so we were often together in the evenings as well. Sounds great, right? No.
The morning of my in-laws last day… she was acting weird, slamming doors, not coming up to say good morning like usual and then just getting in her car to leave for work. I stepped outside to wave bye and share barely acknowledged me, and I knew I was in for it. That day we took the kids to the park and I was feeling sad my mom couldn’t be there to join us and also sad that she was upset, so I sent her and I love you text.. to which I got “I made plans for tonight don’t worry about me”. Oh. Okay. I thought she’d join us for dinner to see my in laws off but no, she’d made plans. Fair enough but in comes the onslaught of texts. Of how I was constantly choosing to spend time with my in-laws over her, even though she was invited along every time aside from when she was at work… but she declined. She was so upset about this she told me she didn’t want to see us the rest of the trip… meaning the last full two days I had planned to dedicate to her… canceled… because essentially she didn’t want to go to the aquarium one day with all of us and want time to us all by herself and she didn’t come out and say it… and sorry my kids love the aquarium and it was raining so a great activity. But for her the value of the trip came down to the one specific moment and get this… she really wants me to know she’s still upset I made her come to Spain two years ago. I continued to try to reason with her but she threw insults that I feel can never taken back, she continuously called and yelled at me till I ended up blocking her for some peace. And moved our stuff over to my aunts for our last days. I did unblock her so she could calmly reach back out after 24 hours. Which she did and asked to see the kids and say goodbye, to which I agreed. We did have a very nice talk which resolved the tensions. But I’m left feeling really hurt by her insults… and a comment she kept making over and over “I’ll always just be your mom to you and that’s not fair” - i understand she is more than a mom but to me she is my mom and I largely still need her to be my mom because she’s the only parent I have left so I just don’t know how to treat her differently. I’m left wondering am I not treating her the way I should be? How should I be treating her in a way that is “not just my mom”? Did I spend to much time with my in-laws? I’m feeling really uneasy about our relationship and wondering am I the asshole here??? Or do I need to just set some boundaries and stand firm?

My wife and I have dated 2 years, married 3 months. For about half of that we were long distance/international. She lived in Ecuador, I met her on a trip there, and continued to go back every few months to see and take trips with her. Eventually I had her meet my family, she moved in with me in NYC for some time, and I proposed.
We were very in love. While the proposal and eventual wedding was relatively quick due to practical and immigration reasons, I still felt good about it and felt she was my person.
Now the rough parts, she has debilitating anxiety (from living in a dangerous city her whole life and a rape 12 years ago) and is anti-vax/pro sketchy naturopath medicine. I had seen her have an episode here and there but they were infrequent. Starting literally 3 days before the wedding the panic attacks got more severe and more frequent. She was hospitalized just days before the wedding with no clear trigger or solution. She had another one because of a dog we were sitting acting a little nuts and seemed like every week there would be some episode of lower severity compared to the one before the wedding. I was supportive of her through this. Not as much as her parents (who really baby her a lot). Stayed with her in ER, made her soups and teas, walked with her. Made sure she figured out insurance, got her a therapist and primary care doctor. I wasn’t the perfect husband, eventually grew tired/irritable of sleepless nights consoling her and was more distant, not sexually interested but sincerely I was trying. We became more distant after the wedding not closer. Though to be clear I never considered or committed any infidelities and would never. About the naturopath part, she knew how I felt about it. I told her as long as she would never withhold needed medicine in favor unproven natural solutions from our hypothetical child (which would be a dealbreaker and I told her this) I wouldn’t make an issue with how she chose to treat herself. She agreed and understood.
All this came to a head when we were filing for immigration paperwork for her marriage based green card. USCIS requires her have a COVID vaccine and while I knew she wouldn’t like this, I never predicted a meltdown. She had several panic attacks, went to dozens on doctors seeking one that would write her a waiver, and considered hiring a vaccine lawyer to get her a religious exemption. When it seemed none of these avenues were working, she told me would be leaving the US and likely me because she refuses to get this vaccine. That she wouldn’t get it under any circumstances. We had already finished all the paperwork, got all the letters of recommendation, and were so close.
I tried so hard to convince of the safety of the shot, showing her study after study, the relative worse dangers of COVID. In addition, the city where she’s from and would likely move back to where she is too scared to walk at night would surely trigger her anxiety way more than having to recover from the vaccine for a couple days. Once she started telling me she was considering leaving I just felt so numb. Like Jesus this is my life. Her mother and these sketchy doctors she talks to from back home convince her this vaccine will mess her up and she trusts them more than me
We’ve only been married 3 months. I spent about $15K on the wedding in NYC in January with all family and friends and now this is what it’s come to… I’m not super worried about the financial consequences of divorces at this point but damn. This woman has been my life for two years. I feel embarrassed, helpless, like an idiot to be honest. Why I didn’t see this sooner. I know this is a lot. Does this seem at all salvageable to any of you? I feel if we can just sort out her anxiety and get her this shot we’ll be off to the races but things are seeming pretty bleak

On Feb. 9, 2022, I officially became "Homeless" on state record and applied for rent and housing assistance in Knoxville through KCDC/Section 8.
Per today's date:
Zeitraum = 825 days aka 27.123 months. This is exactly the length of time I've been surviving homeless.
It wasn't until THIS YEAR that my name "officially" has gone from being on their "PRE-waiting list": aka the long-ass waiting list you're on BEFORE graduating to the "OFFICIAL" waiting list.
*Btw, no one informed me of this being their process. I waited for many hopeful months while living out of my car, waiting to be called that I contacted them to get the news of only being on the PRE-waiting list- List. Good shit...
So, I decided to visit KCDC in-person last week to speak to them about my still pending status and ask if there were any actions I could take to help my chances of having a place to call home...
FYI: The Broadway location is ONLY for applying to any of their listed complexes. Unfortunately, ALL their waiting lists are also completely full.
*The Harriet Tubman location is for applying or relating to receiving vouchers for financial rental assistance.
FYI: you can ONLY APPLY for a voucher between their generous hours of 8AM-3PM only on the 2nd WED of each month, just fyi for any new applicants.
All I was told at each location was to "continue waiting" and that I would one day be contacted whenever my name came up.
The housing costs in Knoxville, especially have risen quickly dramatically even since when I very first began applying and they'll continue this trend.
**BTW, they're SHUTTING DOWN our Homeless Shelter on Broadway due to a LACK OF FUNDING (good timing), so yet another option we can all cross off our lists of any places to lie our heads down at night.
Pretty ironic that TN is the FREAKING VOLUNTEER STATE, considering... "GO VOLS", am I right??
See news link here: https://www.wate.com/news/knox-county-news/the-foyer-a-low-barrier-knoxville-homeless-shelter-set-to-close-as-officials-seek-new-operato
Oh yeah, HOMELESSNESS IN TN is also now a CLASS E FELONY!
*You are automatically disqualified from receiving public assistance such as Section 8 and SNAP benefits unless you've fully paid off ALL FEES (up to $3,000 for being homeless) and have fully completed your probation period! *KEEPING THINGS REALLY CLASSY, TN! 😜 (Also, you can't sleep in your vehicle at any rest stops, either. Also illegal. You can sit there in your car for only 3hrs max.)
"In Tennessee, felonies are classified from A to E, with Class A being the most serious and Class E being the least severe. A Class E felony in Tennessee is the lowest level of felony. It includes offenses such as theft of property valued at $1,000 to $2,500, certain driving offenses like third or subsequent DUI offenses, stalking, and forgery. The typical punishments for Class E felonies in Tennessee include: 1. One to six years of imprisonment (PRISON TIME, not jail), and/or 2. Fines up to $3,000. (Also, just pointing out that with any Class E felonies, being the "least" serious felony, if any fines for the offense are deemed as "unspecified" in their books, they then have the capability to charge an offender up to $50,000.)
However, these punishments can vary based on a variety of factors such as the exact nature of the crime, whether or not the defendant has a prior criminal record, and other relevant factors considered by the court." See specifics here: https://codes.findlaw.com/tn/title-40-criminal-procedure/tn-code-sect-40-35-111/
Covertly, they've named this abomination as the:
"Equal Access to Public Property Act of 2012.” Makes it sound so helpful and positive for us, doesn't it? Thanks, guys! LOL!
See below what all is covered, including: **If they happen to search and find any of your stored belongings (likely being at times literally their entire life's possessions, including if they find you've stored your food somewhere) the police will immediately confiscate it, and then you will have a total of 90 days to go to them and claim all your belongings or else they'll consider it as "abandoned property". You must detail exactly where on the property that they found your items, so that they then will slap you with a Class E Felony, charge you a "holding fee" for whatever amount of time they "stored" it for you, also stating that "the court shall include an order of restitution for any property damage or loss incurred as a result" of you or your belongings being present on the state property. But hey, at least you get your items back!
https://law.justia.com/codes/tennessee/2021/title-39/chapter-14/part-4/section-39-14-414/#:~:text=It%20is%20an%20offense%20for,agency%20responsible%20for%20the%20land.
My Story: (if you've made it this far and give any shits about hearing it for the sake of context.)
Around 1 year-deep into the COVID-19 pandemic, I had been living in an expensive house centered in the North Knox Historic District, working FT at a job I'd spent the past few yrs diligently climbing their ladder, and splitting the house payment with my then, Fiancee of 5 1/2 yrs. He began dating a different girl, had moved her into our house, while stating that "If I didn't stop being depressed, he was going to kick me out". Unfortunately, the house had been put solely in his name when bought. You see, my grandmother had just passed from COVID-19, my childhood best friend had just passed away, and I had been informed suddenly that my 84yrs-old dementia-ridden Father was getting worse and also nearing his last days. Not long after, my older sister contacted me acting upset, stating that he now needed to be on continual watch for FT care, so I packed my things, left my fiancee and my then home and moved in to care for my late father. Eventually, I had to leave my job to fulfill my caretaking duties but I don't regret being there for my father but it grew to be very difficult times, as it was for many those yrs. Dad passed away Jan. 31, 2022. My mother immediately inherited the house at his death, per their messy divorce agreement many yrs before. She so graciously left no time after me literally watching him take his very last breath in the bedroom down the hall from my own for her to serve me immediate eviction papers, now forcing me to leave the home that I grew up with my father in, while being raised. This house, I had only 1 year previous, agreed to my mother and sister when they had requested this of me, quit my long-term, FT job, losing all my sources of income in order to live with and solitary care for my father. (Everyone else- meaning my mother and 3 sisters -were all "too busy" to help me out or give even short breaks. I'm informing you of this, so that anyone that ever says to themselves, "why don't they just go live with family", can comprehend how that's not an actual option for everyone, so when the systems are failing, ppl aren't always on the streets or living out of their cars bc of drug problems or laziness or whatever other common misconceptions I've heard from ppl that are limited in grasping these situations for others. That last month that he was still alive, they all "forbade" me from leaving the house at all nor having any visitors "for his health", despite my deep despair from watching his health ferociously decline, resulting in my very rapidly declining mental health and massive weight-loss and over-exhaustion. Upon receiving my eviction notice, I then immediately began applying for Section 8 assistance. I had no one left and nowhere to go. It's like this for a lot of people. Don't assume ppl always have any other options available, is my point of giving so much backstory. Not exactly trying to "victimize" myself here for pity. I'm strong, I've got this. Just trying to get some points across for when you judge another's situation that you don't know.
Ok, here's the last I'll say about all this. Just humor me and try to consider what I'm pointing out here.
Every single one of us local TN natives have seen through the years how various homeless individuals will bravely step into some of our favorite local diners, gas stations, retail stores, etc. Them, asking employees permissions for maybe utilizing a restroom, some cold water or a drink, often after them walking around most the day (shelter kicks everyone out once it's morning), often after being in our unforgiving weather or high temps. Sometimes, they're asking even for a small bite to eat or leftovers from the kitchen. SO MANY times throughout the years, we've all been standing by, as we witness some enraged employee or the manager angrily decline, followed with often loud threats of calling the cops on them, etc in an attempt to motivate them to not come back asking later, as now they see how many of their annoyed paying customers are actively shaking their heads and shaming their whole interaction with rotten looks of disgust.
I mean after all, our businesses ABSOLUTELY can't be taking any risks of "losing their dedicated customers, just BC some "lazy bums" keep showing up, "always asking for free handouts" and "scaring away our business".
Really, it's best to just not give them anything in the 1st place cus ya know, just like strays, they'll "just keep showing back up"...
Right?
Excluding sometimes a random kind individual's exception, for the most part this mindset I'm highlighting here has most often worked as an sorta unspoken "Golden Rule" when we're relating to how we'll decidedly "handle" our large and growing homeless population.
Now that our housing prices have fully skyrocketed, with increases markedly on the rise almost immediately after the COVID-19 Pandemic that left so many of us without income that was supporting our access to necessities. Many, many "middle-class" individuals who were previously working averaging their 5 days/week (ty past labor strikes enforcing our allowance of 2 days off) and living comfortably on their 40hrs/week paychecks are currently struggling to find availability and also afford even a 1br ran-down apartment in our "lower-class" neighborhoods. Most are now working multiple jobs trying to keep up, and childcare isn't offered for free, so it keeps everyone from having opportunities to not only spend time raising their children vs random strangers who are also overworked, but how can you save money when you're losing part of what you earn, just to be able to go to work and not be fully abandoning your children to fend for themselves if left home alone?
Often, homeless ppl can be seen all throughout our city, and guaranteed to be growing in mass numbers when inching closer toward that underpass leading up to the Historic Gay St./Downtown/UT campus/Cumberland Strip. *It's really fairly ironic I've thought, how so much of our income has always been made/spent here, however we're required each time, to first drive through the huge crowd of terribly unfortunate ppl left standing without their bare necessities, often left to sleep outside the packed shelter when it hits capacity, which is always a guarantee. They're not left outside strictly bc they're "on drugs", like a lot have been led to believe.
Lastly, but oh of such an amazing relevance-
**Here's some realism surrounding our cultures' universally pre-conceived (disconnected/egotistical and mis-informed), accepted stigma that states the following phrase:
"These ppl just won't get a job bc they're SO LAZY and just want to live off all us hard-working American's tax dollars...blah blah blah.." Employers won't hire if you don't have an address and the shelters fail to deliver anyone's incoming mail, nor do businesses want to hire a homeless person showing up without proper hygiene or attire or any kind of criminal record. Also, transportation is a bitch. KAT bus costs money, and is very limited on its area services. By walking such lengthy distances, not only can your safety be at risk (especially for Females or any shifts beginning or letting out after dark) but you're gonna be super sweaty and gross by the time you actually arrive to then work a full shift, if you can even somehow make it on time every day by walking for hours before and then after every single shift that you show for.
This isn't any kinda "new" issue for the poor, btw. Don't be such heartless fools, making someone else's situation about "you".
Life's realities can forcibly humble an individual, catching us off-guard for what we'll often end up facing. Always count your blessings and never assume you know anything about anyone else's struggles or how they got there. We're all just trying to survive in this place.
Thanks for reading and hopefully this info helps bring insight to whomever reads this. Good luck out there, I mean it. We got this. ❤️

I have been married to my husband for 18.5 years when he decided that a one night stand was the right decision. We have kids together and I have endured a lot by staying with him for this long. I gave up my career so that his career would be easier (he travels a lot). I was trying to be a Psychiatrist, but I needed a lot of schooling that always got sabotaged because he would find an argument to start and prevented me from being able to focus on anything (like week long fights that only stopped during meal times or when kids were home). I had to quit school at least 5 times instead of failing classes because of the emotional toll the arguments would take. I had to leave my very well paying job because I worked with men sometimes…Detectives. My husband would say that he thought I would cheat because “every guy wants to fuck me”. Yes, I am gorgeous and I KNEW that, but I only had eyes, ears and a heart for him. enough of that 20 years ago, I was single after my first divorce (ex husband beat me because I caught him cheating). I was single and I was seeing some guy. Well, my current husband has always given me grief about having sex with FOUR people total in my life (including him). He called me a whore when I was pregnant with our first kid. I never once cheated on him in any way. But he always talked down to me because of my “fun times” before him. That is why he slept with some random girl after 18.5 years together. He had “so many thoughts of being inadequate” and he was “spiraling/ in a bad head space”. He was remorseful when he told me; I didn’t believe him. I gave him the opportunity to redeem himself anyways. He was good for 3 days, then all of his talking down to me started slowly back up. Demanding answers about the sex I used to have BEFORE he and I were together. It’s been 12 weeks since he cheated and I have stayed in the house, allowed him to stay in the house. Everything was as normal as it could be. Then tonight he started yelling horribly at me. Yelling at me for hours straight about my life before him. I started crying, left then came back…. I told him that he needed to stop “justifying” why he cheated because I didn’t deserve that. He really didn’t care at all about how his cheating hurt me. He kept yelling at me and trying to make it all seem like it was my fault (indirectly) because I had relationships BEFORE he and I were even talking. I’m completely lost and I know I need to leave him, but why is that so hard? Oh yeah, I USED to think I was a 10, but now a 2 at best. Why do cheaters suck and make you feel like the worst thing ever because of their choice?

It’s looking like my wife of 6 years and I are headed towards divorce. I’m trying to figure out what I could be looking at in terms of potential alimony.
Key details. - married since 2018, together since 2012 - currently we both make about the same (70-75k each) - no kids - House in my name with $120k balance and about $30k equity. I’m the only one that makes mortgage payments, but we both pay our portion of the bills. More or less split down the middle it just is set up that I pay for certain things and she does others. So I’d think the equity in the house would be shared right? - she is self employed so I pay for healthcare through my job - i supported both of us through multiple times of joblessness over the years and while she went to grad school after we got married - I’m a cosigner on a consolidated student loan for about $30k. We owe another $70k but those are only in one of our names. - she could increase her income by 50-70% but she chooses to work part time hours more or less - I’m the only one that has any real savings. About $150k between 401k, stocks. Most of that was from my old job from before we met. She probably has $30-40k from previous employers but “can’t find any of it”
Given this what might I be looking at? From my perspective other than splitting any value out home and maybe continuing to pay for healthcare for a limited time I don’t feel like I should have to pay more than that. She makes more than enough to live on and chooses not to work more?
Is there anything I’m not considering that may impact this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My dad is a wonderful guy, amazing guy even, but he's definitely weird, and I'm trying to understand why.
He's from a very traditional family, extremely traditional, university educated, etc. He is an investment banker got married to my mum over 20 years ago. He met my mum because his best friend got married to my mums best friend and so they introduced my mum and dad to each other. My mum grew up in poverty and from a broken abusive household, so very different to my dads upbringing.
When I was growing up, my mum did all the child bearing, my dad kinda just went to work and came home and watched sports on TV. In my 18 years of childhood I don't think I ever had a deep conversation with him about my feelings ever. Feelings and emotions were not a thing with him, I've never seen him be deep or express himself much. He played by a rulebook, he's very much a 'this is how you behave in society and don't deviate from it' type of guy. He made sure I got good grades, but apart from that he really didn't have much bearing over my childhood, he was just kinda there. He has pretty much no friends, only one close friend (who is the one that is married to my mums best friend), meanwhile my mum has many friends. He just talks to this one friend and his brother. He's pretty conservative in his views and values, but not very sure in them, it's like he just parrots what he's been taught by others. I feel like the real him is someone deep inside him that he isn't letting out, and he is still finding it. All he seems to be passionate about is football, golf, and learning stuff, he's quite intellectual. Sometimes I wonder how genuine his relationship with my mum is too, nothing about my childhood felt too genuine, sometimes it felt a bit more like my mum was adopted into his family. She also used a lot of tactics like 'I will divorce you xyz' to get her way, and then he would usually cave to whatever she wanted. Essentially when it came to family life, my mum decided everything.
It's kinda sad tbh, I'm 21 now and I feel like I know myself better than my dad knows himself.The older I get the more I realise he must have felt very trapped in a box growing up, I wonder if marrying my mum was some type of way to escape whatever his reality was. Maybe this is some type of common trope and someone has seen this before... Part of me is actually quite worried that he's gay and in the closet for life. Anyone have any ideas what is going on here?An

See title.
Currently in the hunt for the best divorce solicitor out there. My partner is the one going through divorce. We met a year after their separation and have recently moved in together. They filed jointly for divorce in March when it was still amicable. But it looks as though she was ‘staying friendly’ until she got concessions (him moving out) and she’s now outright said she won’t agree to a 50-50 split.
If anyone has recommendations or advice based on experience, would love to hear it. This has been incredibly stressful and frustrating for him. I am happy to pay for a solicitor, private investigator, forensic accountant etc out of my own funds if it means getting more strategic advice than what he’s getting. He needs a shark. I am determined to get him one.
Details that will be relevant:

• married for ~20yrs with 1 daughter who is 8yrs old and who is with us 50% of the time. She is happy and dealing with the divorce well and we want it to stay that way but now realising we need to fight her avarice
• they own a big house. Mortgage has now become more than he can afford but she has lobbied to keep it and stay there to give daughter stability. As soon as he moved out though, her affair partner started staying there regularly with his children. She denies the cheating as does he and she’s denied he moved in(he’s also married and going through a divorce — timings as to breakdown of marriage etc align)
• Total expenses now are more than they make jointly. She runs ups credit card bills of close to 10k monthly (she has spending issues and has for years even before breakdown of marriage). We have suspicions she’s been spending on her affair partner and his family.
• he is the higher earner. She has reduced her working hours and has refused to go back to work fulltime. She is currently in university again getting another qualification and he has agreed to pay for her fees until she finishes, even after the divorce. He supports her desire to change careers and was willing to pay so she could eventually begin to support herself. She still thinks she’s entitled to more.
• her affair partner has substance abuse issues and there are some safeguarding concerns
• we’ve moved in together and I’m also a high earner. We split expenses 50-50, including expenses for his daughter. There’s some concern it compromises his position in the financial split. I am outraged that my money and willingness to spend for his daughter is even a consideration here and it makes me far less inclined to shell any more out. I had considered contributing to her private school fees and wonder if this will cause more issues.

We understand the law favours the lesser earning party but this feels massively unfair. She’s cheated and plotted with her affair partner for years and now sees this as her payout. I’m honestly so furious I’m prepared to spend my own money to make her feel the pain. Any advice or recommendations would be immensely helpful.
Thanks.

I'm using a throwaway account as I don't really people currently in my life to know this.
I (30MtF) left my wife (27F, let's call her D) two years ago. The divorce was finalized about two months ago, and I wish I could go back.
I met D eight years ago, while I was homeless. She and her family helped me get a job and my first apartment, she always showed me an incredible amount of love and support, and she was absolutely wonderful in so many ways. But D was also an evangelical Christian and incredibly transphobic and homophobic. I found this out shortly after we met. At the time, I knew I was trans, bisexual, and I was a pagan. I probably should have walked away then.
Unfortunately, due to an incredible amount of trauma in my childhood and adolescence, I have a tendency to develop new versions of myself for those I'm around. The "me" that took over my life during this time decided "he" was a cisgender, bisexual man who refused to "act on" his "sinful" desires after becoming a Christian. Still, early on that "me" didn't have as strong of a hold.
Once, when we'd been dating for a few months, we were hanging out with a friend who showed us Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time. Neither of us really had any idea what it was about. We watched it, and we were both incredibly uncomfortable for entirely different reasons. She brought me to work (I worked overnights at this time) and then while I was at work we fought over text and nearly broke up because of this damn movie. I didn't like it because it seemed fairly transphobic to me, especially when Dr. Frank-N-Furter raped the guests. (I now recognize this movie has a big place in queer culture but I still can't help but see it as kind of offensive.) D thought it was disgusting that the movie even included a trans character.
Eventually the "me" that had formed to be who she wanted me to be took over full-time and committed to stay with her and fight the "urge to sin." We dated for a few years and then got married. And honestly, this feels like one of the best times in my life sometimes, even though I know I was miserable.
I've always looked fairly feminine, and had fairly long hair and a pretty alternative style that often included makeup. I'd get "mistaken" for a girl pretty frequently when we were out, which only increased when she got me a super cute coffin-shaped purse for an anniversary. She'd always get super upset and defensive on my behalf, which hurt but she couldn't know it.
Sometimes during our marriage, she was reading an article about some state or another not accepting the "trans panic defense" and started ranting about it. I knew what she was talking about but on the off chance I was wrong I asked her to elaborate. She said it was when a trans person comes into the bathroom or hits on you and you assault or kill them because you panic. I tried to calmly explain that I thought it was good that wasn't being accepted because you shouldn't be assaulting or killing people regardless of whether they're trans or not, and it sounded like just a way to hurt trans people and get away with it. She came up with this wild argument and I just let her "win" because I didn't want to lose her. But I never felt fully safe with her again.
She liked it when I wore makeup, and once her sister told me she liked how I was a "man who was secure in his femininity but didn't feel like I needed to be a woman." (This was literally a month before I left to transition.) D agreed with her sister.
Around four years ago made a new friend at work, a nonbinary person I'll call S, who invited me to play DnD with them and their husband (a trans man) when they quit that job. By the time we'd bee playing for about six months, being around other trans people had reawakened the other parts of me, the parts that were closer to who I really am. I re-realized I was trans through our time together, and they started encouraging me to leave her and be my authentic self.
I left D about four months before our five-year wedding anniversary. She had gone through my phone, found messages between me and S about plans for me leaving and my being trans, and confronted me while I was in the shower. I quickly finished my shower and got out, had a six hour long conversation with her about this and tried to get her to understand. Eventually she just said "But you're not a woman and you never will be!" Without a word, I gathered up some essentials and left for S's house. S and I went back to that house while she was at church on Sunday and grabbed everything I owned, and then went to her mom's house to do the same. D and her whole family were there so I was trying to avoid questions and begging and pleading and crying from not only D, but her mom, sister, and brother to stay and give this trans thing up. I told D that if she wanted me to stay, I'd be staying as her wife and she'd have to accept that. She couldn't. I left.
Over the next couple months we spent a lot of time talking. D was trying to convince me to come back, to fall in love with her again. But I hadn't stopped loving her, I'd just gotten sick of hating myself. I told her that. I told her I wanted nothing more than to come back, but I couldn't do it if it meant going back to wanting to die every time I saw myself in the mirror and hating her briefly every time she "corrected" someone on my gender. I told her if she wanted me back, she'd need to support me in my transition. She still couldn't do it.
The last straw was when Michael Knowles called for the eradication of "transgenderism" (trans people). With that and the hundreds of anti-trans bills being introduced, I was scared. I texted D for comfort and instead got into a whole big argument with her. She kept trying to say the anti-trans bills were a good thing, and when I brought up the Michael Knowles thing she said she'd watched that speech and agreed with him. She said eradicating "transgenderism" would be a good thing. I sent her back a long text about the definition of genocide and how you can't separate "transgenderism" from transgender people, and eradicating "transgenderism" would require eradicating transgender people. We never talked again except about our divorce.
The thing that gets me though is that she's always been very anti-racist and speaks out against prejudice of most other kinds. She just never got it through her head that the same reasons she felt so strongly about that are why she should accept LGBTQIA+ people.
Now, it's been about two years since I left her. I have been on hormones for over a year, and I've never been happier with myself. These two years have been absolute hell in other ways. I have no stability, I lost my job, I've lost friends and family and all kinds of other traumatizing events that would make this post a literal novel. I've been suicidal in the past over stuff a lot smaller than this, but now, in the face of almost overwhelming and crushing despair, I'm still nowhere near that point again. I love myself. I am, for the first time in my life, living for myself.
I now have three wonderful partners (polyamory, they are all fully aware and consent, one of them has four other partners of their own) who love and accept me for who I am, and I love them all so much.
And yet. Despite all of that. Despite the pain D caused me, I still love her. I think I always will. And lately, it seems like all I can think of is the good times. And there were so many good times... I wish I could go back. I want her to love me again. And if she texted me tonight and told me she accepted me, I don't know if I could stay away. And this love I still feel... It's the most painful thing of all.

A close relative of mine became involved with QAnon back in 2020. Since then, it feels like she’s become a completely different person.
She’s always had a selfish streak, but was overall a kind and loving person before joining the Qult.
I know that dramatic personality and behavioural changes are to be expected when someone finds their way into a cult, but I’ve been taken aback by how selfish, spiteful, inconsiderate and downright cruel my Q relative has become.
Since joining Q, she’s cheated on her husband, taken pride in ruining another woman’s marriage (her affair partner was married too), and mocked her affair partner’s wife when she attempted suicide (this was after the poor woman found out her husband had cheated with my Q relative).
After she suddenly divorced her husband a few years ago (they’d been married for 30 years, he has no idea that my Q relative cheated on him), my parents took her in, letting her live with them until she got back on her feet… well, that was the plan.
Two years later, she’s still living with them rent-free and has no intention of leaving anytime soon. She doesn’t contribute financially at all. She’s taken advantage of my parents’ kindness and lives like a queen on their dime.
To make matters worse, my country is currently in a cost of living crisis. My parents are feeling the heat and have maxed out our credit cards just to try and keep up.
I’ve been going without meals, school supplies, etc. because money is very tight. I study full time and will need to rent a place to live after we sell our home. I don’t know how I’m going to manage.
Meanwhile, my Q relative doesn’t care about the dire situation she has placed us in. Before she moved herself in, I was able to live at home and focus on my studies. I could afford essentials without worrying. My parents were financially comfortable.
Since joining Q, my Q relative doesn’t care about who she hurts with her selfish behaviour. It’s all about what she wants. She’ll happily destroy another woman’s marriage without a second thought. She’ll freeload off my parents without any shame, to the point where they’re now struggling. She doesn’t feel remorse for the stressful situation she’s put me in either.
On a smaller scale, she also makes nasty, mean spirited comments that are unnecessary and hurtful. She’ll criticise people’s appearances to their faces, mock how they look in a bad photo, cut people down out of nowhere, dismiss and mock other people’s feelings… it’s really spiteful.
Has anyone else experienced this with a Q relative? The cruelty and selfishness my relative has demonstrated since joining the Qult is something I’ve been really shocked and devastated by. I’m curious to know whether this is a common experience.

My mom and dad moved into their home in California in 1979. They divorced in 1983. Mom got the house. She remarried in 1989. She divorced husband number two in 2002. She again got the house in the settlement. In 2007, ex-husband (Bill) moved back in. They never remarried and lived platonically. Around 2010, my sister paid off the remaining mortgage on the house and my mother made her half owner. Ex husband never paid rent, but did pay utilities and groceries. Utilities were in his name. He’s now 89 and infirm. My 81 year old mother can’t care for him anymore and has had a rough last few years trying. He has three sons. They hadn’t spoken to Bill in several years, but came back into the picture when palliative care asked them to become POA over Bill. They did so, and apparently thought he would have more money saved up (he only has about 20K from a 200K inheritance he got when his mom died 15 years ago) and are accusing my mom of stealing it. They also say the house is partially Bill’s and they will sue. They are also refusing to pay for housing for him, so he’s stuck in my mom’s house getting sicker and weaker. I’ve googled that there is no common law marriage in California. But do they have a case?

The Great Depression had a significant and lasting impact on society, especially in the Dust Bowl states. Oklahoma suffered the worst and is still suffering from its effects. The stock market crashed in 1929. This was 11 years after the end of WWI when a lot of working age men were killed. My father was 19 years old. Children age 4 and older had to go to work in the fields harvesting and hoeing weeds. My maternal grandmother who was born in 1932 cut broomcorn and picked cotton by hand. The International Harvester for cotton was invented in 1940, but only came into widespread use by 1970. The broomcorn industry died out in 1980. Older boys age 11 and up went to work in sawmills and the trades. Watch the movie Walk the Line. Johnny Cash’s older brother of 14 was almost cut vertically in half when he slipped and was cut through the sternum by a large saw blade. Can you imagine being that young and handling dangerous machinery with no safety equipment? Safety equipment didn’t exist back then and neither did child labor laws. Those old Boomer children worked just as hard as adults to help feed their families. They were punished for playing. They had to suck it up and endure extreme hardship just to eat and they ate very little. Everyone was starving and filthy. There was as no indoor plumbing, no electricity and no air conditioning. I watched my grandmother work from sun up to exhaustion and she slept in her clothes. When she died, her bra strap hooks were rusted from sweat because she never removed it, meaning she hadn’t bathed in decades. She was 4-8” and wore a child size medium. She was conditioned to hard work and starvation. She and her family including my mother never overcame the effects of the Depression. She was functionally illiterate despite graduating high school in 1948.
Education stopped at third-fourth grade for the average child because parents were extremely poor and couldn’t afford to pay for schooling. School was different then. Teachers lived in a teacherage provided by the school district and earned a living stipend from the state to teach grades 1-4 how to read, write, sign their names, cipher, count money and read a watch. That was the extent of free education. Advanced learning after 4rth grade was taught by subscription very similar to private tutoring. Grades 5-7 were called grade school. Grades 7-12 were called high school. They didn’t have Junior High.
In 1935, the Second New Deal created the Works Progress / Projects Administration (WPA) to help people recover from the Depression. A lot of new schools were built during this period. Schools were funded with a combination of state aid and a tax levy called a mill collected from every resident in a school district. When Boomers say they shouldn’t have to pay a school tax because they don’t have children in school, this is what they’re referring to. They had the right to vote against a tax levy. These days, we call them temporary sales tax increases to fund things like new gym equipment. Everyone inside the school district votes on the increase and everyone inside and outside the district has to pay the sales tax if they shop at a store in the district. These no-voters will shop outside the district if the tax increase passes.
Fast forward to WWII (1939-1945) and the Korean War (1950-1953) and we see a significant decrease in school attendance that results in the closure of many rural schools. Many of this second generation of Boomers grew up in boarding schools and orphanages because their mothers couldn’t afford to feed them. This period resulted in a high population of youth being institutionalized. One of my grandmother’s sisters was raped by her uncle at age 14 and was sent to an asylum for the mentally ill. My mother (born 1952) and her sisters were taken by DHS (called CPS today) and sent to a girl’s state school after their father died of cirrhosis at the age of 42. He was a bootlegger who literally drank himself to death. Prohibition (1920-1933) was another result of the Depression. It lasted until 1952 in Oklahoma. Forced sterilization in mental institutions was outlawed in 1951 for the sake of medical study. The practice began in 1931 because the state believed that mental illness/retardation was genetic and caused by incest/inbreeding. It runs in my mother’s family so I can confirm the state was right. Mutations in the brain can be passed from mother to child.
The third generation of Boomers was born during the Vietnam War (1955-1975). I was born in 1973, so I’m technically Gen X with Boomer influences but not to the point that I’m a raging psycho. I consider those born in the 60s to be the third Boomer generation. My town lost its high school in 1968 and stopped at the eighth grade. All those who graduated from the 60s-1980 are the anti education gatekeepers of the workforce that I’m personally struggling with. These are the people who hate anyone with an education level above theirs. They’re offended by education unless you’re a doctor or a lawyer and they can use you. They are also anti-technology and refuse to use it. They are bullies who are socially enmeshed and always in your business. This generation of women married older men because men their age were fighting in a war. Or, they married wealthy men. Those women didn’t have to work and became bored housewives. I blame daytime soap operas for teaching these idiots their horrible social skills. They stayed home almost 24/7 except for when they were at the hair salon or shopping. They wore a lot of makeup too and nail polish contained formaldehyde. The amount of lead and toxic chemicals they were exposed to was very high. My mother was in this category from 1970-1980 when she divorced my father. Men who came home from the war were addicted to heroin and may have turned to cocaine, crack or meth. Many ended up homeless or hooked up with women for the welfare benefits. They were insanely abusive. Very few were able to adjust. Women who did not marry well, had to work cash jobs to support themselves and they might have qualified for USDA commodities and food stamps under Johnson’s War on Poverty (1964). We didn’t have welfare reform until 1996. My mother became an alcoholic and was addicted to amphetamines sold as diet pills in the 80s. We had pure meth from 1980 that my stepdad was addicted to and an explosion of brown meth from 1994 to the present. Almost this entire generation and my own Gen X either experimented or became addicted to meth. It affected Millennials too.
Child prostitution as a means of survival and CSA were common during the Depression because there was no law against it and it’s something society has difficulty grappling with. Oklahoma passed its first anti-child molestation law in 1945 after the end of WWII. I remember those old Boomer women saying that talk about sex was vulgar and those matters weren’t discussed. It was swept under the rug until 1990 when teens finally began to speak out. We had an explosion of violent rape and domestic violence in the 90s by Boomers and chauvinists who couldn’t bear to give up their right to sex on demand and beating women.
We got the Department of Education and mandatory attendance in 1980 so Gen X was the first generation to have a well rounded education since 1929. All the generations that came before us are jealous because we also got child labor laws and the statutory rape law. We’re the first generation that didn’t have to endure backbreaking work as children. We got easy jobs like paper routes, babysitting and mowing. As teenagers, farm kids hauled hay but that’s about as strenuous as it got. Many Gen Xers got pregnant young and had to drop out of school or couldn’t go to college. They had to get married and raise a family. I’m struggling with this portion of my generation being jealous as well.
I think Gen Z is the best generation because they are so far removed from the absolute hell that previous generations went through. They have the best education, the best social skills and are the most well adjusted of all the generations that came before them. Gen X just needs to teach ya’ll life skills and survival skills that you can hand down to Gen Alpha.

I'm so tired. I'm 41. Chronic bladder infections as a baby, one that almost killed me. Started having lower back spasms at 11. Doctors were like, huh, that's weird, kid. Welp, enjoy your life.
Got very active and fit, that kept it mosty at bay during my teenage years. Back pain returned in young adulthood. Cried on the way to work every day on the bus, because sitting hurt. Knelt on the floor to type at work. Got a part time job so I didn't have to sit as much. Did PT, got massages.
Migraines slowly started over the years. Recurrent UTI and yeast infection. My back would go out 3 to 4 times a year, regularly, but I was very active after the 2-week recovery period. Kept asking doctors why do I get so much back pain, infections? They were like "Iunno, some people are more prone to it. Welp, enjoy your life!"

1. I don't know what the fuck happened but my neck did something bad when I was lifting a chair and it was months and months of uncontrollable spasms and complete trauma. Barely able to sleep for months. Poorly controlled pain, pain medicine-related trauma from doctors who are so afraid to give me five fucking hydrocodone at a time when I was almost at suicidal levels of pain.

Interstitial cystitis appeared a few months later just for kicks. Gastrointestinal pain started. My nervous system seemed to be jacked up after that. Super reactive to everything.
I pulled myself heroically back to some decent functionality after a few years of painful and exhausting experimentation.
Was getting back into enjoying life. Then new knee pain (chondromalacia) took away roller skating which was my favorite activity in life and probably the main thing that kept me strong and together. I've been working on my knee since 2020 and I still haven't made progress with all the PT. No one knows what to do for it. It's so incredibly frustrating and it's responsible for my slide into deep conditioning. I try to keep active with walking and PT exercises, but nothing equals skating for joy and for strengthening.
I finally piece together my own diagnosis through years of my own reading, brought it to my doctors, who confirmed. (Wish I could get paid for doing My own research). Was enjoying life as much as possible.
Then, one day, my seemingly loving husband of 12 years abandoned with no warning (He actually secretly moved out while I was gone for the weekend and let me know by email that he wanted a divorce, saying that my recent diagnosis made me a ticking time bomb waiting to ruin our lives)
The shock and pain and fear.
Fast forward 2 years through the trauma of utter blindsided betrayal by someone I thought was my best friend, and the mental trauma of being forced to do a whole divorce and fight for my future needs with someone who had suddenly, nonsensically become angry with ME, saying didn't deserve any alimony at all because I created all this chronic pain in my head to manipulate care out of him (Yes, that was his point of view. He believed that my pain was real but that it was mentally-caused. I can't explain it. It's nuts. I think it's basically his twisted rationale to make this my fault and to make abandoning a loving wife with chronic pain acceptable to assuage the guilt)
I haven't worked in years. I don't qualify for disability because I stopped working gradually, before I had a diagnosis, and I trusted my husband. So now I don't have enough recent work credits for disability.
Ironically I was doing relatively well physically when he left. I actually had some hope. Then, out of the blue a year after he left, I developed chronic tailbone pain. I haven't been able to sit down without pain for over a year. It's really a hard condition to treat, no solution in sight but strengthening, which I'm used to and I'm ready to do...
... but my hips have started possibly subluxing in the last few months? I've never had trouble there before because I've historically been very active. I don't drive. I walk everywhere, so those muscles get a lot of exercise.
But I got more deconditioned because JUST gotten over an exhausting trial of LDN which backfired on me (It caused completely new peripheral neuropathy to appear in my hands and feet and then set my migraines to become chronic, every day, for over a month)
Now it hurts to lift my leg when I lay on my side, feels like it gets stuck, like I have to rotate my leg in order to properly lift it. Sometimes I get a sharp pain in the back part where the top of the thigh bone is. Aching today. I know I have a labral tear in that leg, got to get it checked out
I'm suspecting this gradual deconditioning has finally weakened my hip/butt area, allowing my hips to sublux for the first time?
It's literally been 3 days since the amitriptyline has finally kicked in and I've gone a day or two without migraine. I just started to be able to think again.
But today's hip pain is taking me down mentally. It feels like the last straw.
How can I exercise to get better when despite my best efforts, I keep adding injury after injury? They're stacking up. They don't have solutions. I feel like I can't climb my way out.
And all the emotional trauma. I'm just tired. I've been so strong getting through the past 2 years. I don't know how much I have left.
I'm terrified because I can't sit. I can't even use a wheelchair if my hips give out. How the fuck am I supposed to live? Am I going to be bed bound? Thus far in my life it has taken me working at peak functionality to get enough exercise to keep my body together. Functionality has taken a nose dive for years now, despite my best efforts.
How much more can I fucking take?
I'm probably just having a little emotional breakdown. I hope I can improve things.
But I'm just so goddamn fucking tired.
I've tried so hard. Is this how the story ends with me? Alone, disabled, poor, and in more pain?
Thanks for listening to my novel of a rant.

For context, my (13M) father (41M) is divorcing my mom (43F) because my father is a lying, manipulative, narcissistic, piece of shit. My parents were married for 16 years and my mom has been shielding him from any trouble his alcoholism caused. Going through the years my dad would frequently argue with my mom, sometimes getting physical, keep in mind that my mom is no heavier than 190lb and my dad is around 250lb, not to mention so much stronger than her. If we go back to June 2023 my dad and brother went out for Mexican ice cream (my dad was drunk at the time) and my mom, my sister and I were going to dollar tree. Right when we were about to arrive at dollar tree my mom got a call from my dad saying that she needed to come pick my brother up before it went worse. Apparently my brother was trying to hook his phones Bluetooth up to the car and my dad found out that he was labeled as “Mamafucker” in my brother’s phone. My dad being drunk was otherworldly pissed off and put my brother in a chokehold and threatened his life. We filed a police report but they couldn’t do anything. I have to see him again for the first time in almost a year and I want to go off on his ass over the damage he did not only to my mom and brother but to the family In general. I genuinely don’t want to see him until he can prove to me that he’s kicked alcohol to the curb. Sorry for the long story I just had to get it off my chest. I’m not on this site often so I won’t respond to all comments but I will respond to some.

Hello, I'm 24 M, and I am stuck in life and don't know how to move forward.
There is a lot of relevant backstory so sorry in advance for the book.
My father passed away when I was 3. I grew up without any quality father figure to look up to and teach me how to be a man for my family. I grew up poor and had a terrible home life riddled with abuse and hard times. Despite that, I would say I didn't turn out that bad, despite my circumstances. I have 5 siblings, of which I am the second oldest, but I usually just consider myself the oldest because my older brother is not mentally there and hasn't been for over a decade. My mother got married when I was around 17, but she just divorced my step-dad out of the blue last month and forced him out of the house. I live with my mother, younger sister, her boyfriend, youngest brother, and older brother. Around 2 months ago my older brother with some form of BPD or schizoaffective disorder started having another episode and forced his way into our house, sleeping in my room on my couch, under the guise of "us needing his help with bills" even though he doesn't pay for anything and all his money disappears as soon as he gets it. Ever since my mother divorced and my step father was forced out of the house, it has been mostly on my younger sister and I to cover the cost of everything, as we are the only ones who work. My mother has been really nasty with us, especially towards my sister and her boyfriend. My sister has been taking it badly and has gotten depressed. I have been keeping a stoic attitude and face in these trying times, and being a pillar for my younger siblings, but it is hard because there is no one for me to lean on and vent to; hence why I am here. I am stuck in a job that I can barely afford to live off of. Most days I barely eat because between paying the bills/mortgage and the cost of food now a days I can't afford it. When I do it isn't real food, mainly just ramen or some sort of frozen food. I need a car to find better employment and to escape, but can't afford to save to buy one and my bank wont give me a loan for one, because of that specific reason. My older brother is constantly having delusions and paranoia and is either constantly jumping down my throat or leaning on me for support. I mostly just go to work and let out all my emotion while there, thankfully I work overnights by myself so I don't have to worry about anyone seeing me. I don't know what to do. I was forced to grow up quick. I have always put myself last before my whole family, I sacrificed my childhood from a really early age to make sure my younger siblings had one, and in turn I now have nothing. I taught myself everything a father figure should have taught me and try to teach it to my little brother. I never had any time to develop any desirable skillset that makes me exceptionally employable. No connections or family figures that can help teach me or get a foot in the door anywhere.
I want to start my own family eventually so badly, but I have basically just became complacent with the fact that I would never amount to anything a long time ago, and I will be damned if I raise a child to be stuck in a similar or same situation I am in now. I want to move out, because I crave independence but between helping provide for my family, fearing what will happen to them if I leave and not having a very good job, it is pretty impossible. I know this is stuff that I should be telling a therapist or a life coach and not a subreddit, and I would if I could afford it, lmao.
Is there any life advice anyone that was raised in similar circumstances as me wish they knew around my age? Any advice or recomendations on how to get myself out of this hole and into a better situation would be greatly appreciated.

I'm in therapy but it's going as it always does, I don't see any actual relief so I become polite and a poor patient. I've finally stopped talking to my last (best) friend after a disagreement led me to just stop initiating with him. I just finalized my divorce last week from a 29 year marriage, my wife hates me for leaving and my children won't speak to me. I've had PTSD for over 5 years and I see no positivity in my life. Over those years I've shut out anyone who wasn't a close friend and now I've pushed them away too. I'm an only child if two transplant parents so I've no family except my mother who has never respected my needs and boundaries so even my relationship with her takes days of mental prep and usually a week of depression after even a simple Mother's Day vist. I've got no hobbies, hate my job (golden handcuffs), rent a room from people that I do not know, and have all the time in the world to just do nothing with myself. I've always been an introvert but have had a decent social life before things changed. I truly don't know what to do with myself and my life. I'm terrified that I'm just permanently like this now, but I can't see nothing else. Any suggestions beyond "thoughts & prayers" because that shit doesn't work, in my experience.

Disclaimer, I’m making this post for a friend that does not have reddit
My friend was in a dual-military marriage & they adopted two dogs. Since then they’ve divorced, but she got to keep the house (and the dogs) due to her job. Now she is PCSing & will have a different job that doesn’t qualify for housing at her next duty station. The rent in the area is fairly high & would be pretty impossible to swing as a single solider without dependents or BAH. Is there any other possible solution besides having to leave them behind? Has anyone been in this situation & found a loophole to get housing so they can keep their pets? She’s looked into getting ESA paperwork from a therapist to get BAH/housing, has anyone had any experience & success with doing this?

I am so unsure about my wife.

Dear Reddit. I come to you with my hat in my hand as I do not know what to do. I am split down the middle in terms of self respect, love, and fear.

I 36(M) have known my wife 35(F), since we were 18, and have been married since 2016

We have 2 kids M(8), F(9), a house, jobs, cars, dogs.

But things from the past have now come back to haunt me, and I am unsure about everything, about respect, love, pride, attractiveness, safe to say my mind is in the biggest turmoil it has ever been. I’m going to cut straight to the chase, with a little about me in order to get my point across as clear as I can.

We met young, and I found my soulmate with no prior experience with woman. She was my first everything, while I know that she has had a few sexual partners. This didn’t bother me at first, but years down the line I found out that while I was head over heels for this girl, she met with a random guy and had sex. (We were not a couple then, but became a few weeks later) She has not had many sexual partners; from what I’ve been told I am her 7th partner.

I must admit still to this day that, this episode doesn’t affect me much anymore, but with all that has/is happening right now its re-surfaces and stings like a needle.

Throughout our relationship she has done things that crosses my boundaries. Let me come with the examples here:

1) We were at a party with mutual friends, and one of our friends was hooking up with a guy, we went into their room and started teasing them as they were making out. Out of the blue, my wife, then girlfriend, grabbed his crotch and said “It’s not even hard” right in front of me, I obviously got furious, and we had a fight but made up over a few days.

2) During her school year, she had to travel to Germany with her class, and be with a German family as part of her education, sort of like an exchange student. While she was in Germany she went out with her entire class for drinks, and from what she says there was a few guys that was making moves on her, and since she got drunk and had no way to figure out how to get home safe to her exchange family, she decided to head home with one of her male classmates to his exchange family and went to sleep in his room. As she put it, he slept on the floor, and she slept in the bed. And he was a friend, not one of those making moves.

3) We were once again with mutual friends at a BBQ and was later heading out into the cityLife to hit up bars and discos. Me and my best friend were on the toilet, putting wax in our hair, putting on fresh cologne and all that jazz. She the suddenly burst in, saying she really needs to pee, proceeds to pull down her pants and thong, honestly from what I remember you could see everything. We had a big fight about this again.


4) This episode was last summer during two mutual friends that got married. She was the toastmaster, and after all was done, she needed to do a wardrobe change. We went to our hotel room; she got changed to another more comfortable dress. While walking back, we could see some of our mutual friends with their husbands, and she decided to lift up her entire dress up to the start of her bra and do a silly side-to-side dance. Everyone saw it no questions asked. I again got furious, and I told her calmly, that I will not tolerate this, and be disrespected like this, there is other men seeing what only I should be seeing. She apologized immediately, and I said, I don’t want to talk more about this now, as I don’t want to ruin the night. We didn’t talk about it afterwards.

5) This is a month ago. She was celebrating her 35 birthday and went out with all her girls. One of her girlfriends is addicted to social media, and she must post everything. I have a very strict rule when it comes to nights out, this goes both ways.
Example 1 to 3 was when we were from the ages of 19 - 25

1. Don’t dance with other men!
2. Don’t go away from the venue alone!
3. Don’t take a pirate taxi, or a normal taxi home, call me instead!
4. Don’t flirt (This is a grey area, you cannot define flirting so if she flirts a little it’s fine, but don’t overdo it kind of way)
At this party I saw a video from the social media addicted girlfriend of hers on her snapchat story of my wife dancing and having a blast, she looked so good, and so happy, and I smiled when I saw it, quickly my smile faded away as a guy approached holding out both his hands towards my wife, and she looked different then, I can’t put it as to why, it’s like her personality changed, she looked very keen on going with this guy, to the dance floor, the exit, the toilets I don’t know because I could not see much from the video. What happened next is one of her other girlfriends grabbed her hard and pulled her away from the guy and the video ended.

I was the designated driver that night, so when she would call me in the night, I would come pick up her, and girlfriends and drive them home safely. But I got a call from one of her girlfriends that they could not find my wife anywhere and that she has been gone for like 30 minutes, they asked if I could track her from “Find my iPhone” but I have not saved her location so I could not. I got scared that she broke rule nr. 2 and that something bad might have happened.

Also in my mind, I thought about the video I saw, and then all else mentioned above. All the instances where she crossed my boundaries came flooding in. I am not proud of it. My first thought was her safety, the second thought was, did she envelope with this guy, and is doing something a married woman should not. Her girlfriend that called me, called me back 10 minutes later, saying they found her, and that she was just escorting the social media addicted girlfriend to her car, as she was not drinking, she basically broke rule nr. 2. I got relieved she was ok. But the pit in my stomach was still there.

I later picked them all up, and on the whole drive my wife obviously drunk, kept talking about nothing than men/boys “And then there was this guy” “And this guy looked like name of a friend we know” “and this guy reminded me so much of our boy” on and on, I was upset at this point, not showing it, but in my head I wanted to scream. All these emotions, all these times my line was crossed, the sex she had with another guy while I was in love with her. I know this is some sort of PTSD.

We got home, I put her to bed. And a few days went by, where I was silent, hurt, and went to the gym as much as I could as I could not look at her without being sad, hurt, angry. After about a week when we were lying in bed, I told her not to say anything but just to listen. It went something like this (it was not smooth at all, but I needed to get it out)

“In all our time together, you have touched a man’s crotch in front of me, went with another man and slept in the same room, not that I think anything happened between you two. You have basically shown your lady part, and butt to one of my best friends with me being present, at the wedding you decided to flash nearly your entire body to your girlfriends and their husbands in front of me, and lately at your birthday party (I explained the video) and then you were gone for like 40 minutes with no one knowing where you were. I’m not saying you did anything, but can you see how all of this puts a boulder in my stomach?”

She cried and said we have talked about this before, and we have, many times. I let say her piece. But in my mind, it went something like this:

“Yes we have talked about it many times before, but you keep triggering everything by crossing my boundaries, and you know it, so don’t cry and play the victim, this is your fault, and just because we have talked about it 2-4 times doesn’t mean that my feelings just disappear, feelings takes times, and when you constantly say sorry but then do it again, how am I suppose to heal?” I know I should have said this out loud, but I just got so small in the moment, as I opened up about some deep feelings.

This brings me to now. Why I am reaching out for external inputs on how to proceed.

I feel emasculated as a man, I feel disrespected, I do not feel like the most important person for her, I’m angry, hurt, and all of this has led me down following options none of which I want to do, but I feel like I must in order to respect myself, and say enough is enough.
1) I have been thinking of divorce.
2) Swallow my pride and move on, maybe talk it over with a professional.
3) Continue as always.
4) Give her an ultimatum, that if she crosses any of these in the future, I am gone for good.
It’s all very hard, because I love her so much, I love my kids, I don’t want to destroy everything. But I can’t handle being disrespected and emasculated any longer, and have my boundaries crossed again.

I trust her fully when she says nothing has ever happened, she is not that kind of girl, but you can always be surprised down the road.
Am I controlling, is this all justified in your eyes, am I wrong?
Any help, tips, how to proceed, personal opinions is welcome.
TL;DR Wife keeps crossing boundaries in the relationship, should I leave or stay?