Hi. I don't know how i found this subreddit i just googled some stuff ended up here and read some posts. Just to clarify I dont have a diagnosed CPTSD? I'd just like to share how my life has been because I genuinely have my whole life been thinking either what the fuck is wrong with my life theres no way this is normal and then sometimes i just think that im overreacting and my life has been completely normal. I'd like to know if im just imagining it or not I guess. Also I'd like to add that im doing somewhat better and im not experiencing THOSE bad thoughts anymore so please don't like report my account for being a danger to myself (I think that's a feature on reddit?). Im still a bit messed up but like still MUCH better than I used to be.
Honestly I read this whole thing and im adding here that I rant a lot maybe im just ranting about all the bad things in my life... Just a warning I guess. Don't read this if that's not what you want to read, this ended up super long sorry. Also I dont know if this is even relevant anymore. Half of this rant is about my family and other half about other bad things that happened I think. I don't know if this sub is only about like family stuff im sorry if this is the wrong place. Also trigger warning I had some thoughts about ending it and some self harm.
The first 10 years of my life were semi normal from my memory. Its been a while since those times and I dont remember it that well. I remember my parent's fought semi often (which is normal?) and some of my earliest memories were them yelling, fighting at night, my mother going out at night and yelling that shes never coming back, and a few times my mother doing stuff like talking in a scary voice and i remember crying and saying it was scary I think but she just kept doing it (while it was night and I was probably trying to sleep/go to sleep). I was also the middlechild so my parents always treated my older and younger sibling better like them having better stuff to some amount but not like a ridiculous amount. I also remember being scolded a lot by everyone if I did anything slightly wrong even by accident and I remember my brothers not being scolded at all if they did anything similaworse. Anyways I still mostly remember being semi happy and my life being somewhat normal if not just completely normal and im just focusing too much on the bad stuff. I also remember having sleep paralysises and nightmares a lot around when i was like I'd assume up to 12 years old and a weird thing i realized some time ago is that a lot of time in those nightmares/sleep paralysises the monsteperson that was scaring me was either of my parents. Anyways maybe im just reading into things and its a normal dream. I genuinely don't know if im just being a weirdo and my life was normal and im reading too much into stuff I dont want to pretend like my life was bad if it wasn't im just wondering so please don't get angry at me if its not im just wondering. Oh also my family really never spent much time with me atleast I dont remember them being around and mostly working when I wanted to play. I also remember my mother avoiding me like when I asked to spend time with them they just said no and to do something else. I was really bored as a child but I had videogames atleast so I mostly spent my time around them. Oh also 1 person who I thought was my friend beat me up at school because I said something mild not even at them that their class was worse than ours? I also passed out at school and I dont remember why and I remember my big brother just walking by me without saying a word when I had awoken in the hallway (they saw me and just ignored me...)
Anyways. When I turned 11 or so we moved while I was still in middle of elementary school so I had to leave the few friends I had behind (but my brothers didnt as the other was just beginning elementary school and other was entering middle school). I didn't really make any friends within the school and the few I did dropped me out when they realized I wasn't exactly popular. The teacher and other kids made school hard and while I usually achieved perfect grades i started barely passing in school because of how much I hated it. I also started forgetting stuff too and the teacher scolded me a lot because of that. I started being bullied to some amount by the other kids and my teacher so I started stress eating a lot and got kinda fat. Then they started bullying me about me being fat. I also had really no friends or contacts. I remember being extremely stressed out and my big brother making fun of me because of that. Then I remember getting depressed. I started not really trying anything anymore. My family didn't help they made fun of me being fat. Also I remember not really being physically attacked much but im pretty sure I at some point complained about my big brother hitting me with a controller in my head. But I dont remember if that actually happened? Knowing them it might have. Anyways I remember crying every morning around this age until I didn't anymore. I cried almost every morning because I didnt want to wake up and go to school and my parents sent me there anyways. The kids there made fun of that too I remember one of them asking "why is (me) crying every day" and someone answered to them "that I must be so happy"? Anyways eventually I stopped crying. I just didn't feel anything anymore other than anxiety and sadness and anger rarely. Mind you, through this my family didn't give a fuck about how I went from a somewhat happy child to someone who stayed inside all the time, went from healthy to fat within like a year and didn't feel anything anymore. They just focused on their own things. I started getting suicidal thoughts. I remember when I was a child (even younger) and I learned what suicide ment. I remember wondering why the hell anyone would ever want to do that. And now I felt like I wanted to do that. That's how bad I felt. I remember thinking what my family would think/how they would react if I drowned myself in the river. I went outside often at random times and just thought about doing it. I walked by this like electricity thing and I thought if I touched it would it kill me. Mind you these were just thoughts. I never actually acted to the point that I tried to do anything and I dont think I was doing that bad. I didn't act on these thoughts. I remember once coming home from one of these walks hoping they would wonder where I had been since I was like 12 and my mother just smiled at me (almost like she knew I was trying to get attention from them and with like an evil smile rather than a good one?) and said I was just outside walking to the others. I remember even thought I was the one who played the most games in my family, we got a PS3 and the old PS2 went to my littlebrother along the old TV from my big brother. Even thought the other played only a little and the other didn't play at all ever. I don't know if I was just being a brat but it felt bad taken that videogames were the only thing that made me a bit happy in my home. I remember them doing other stuff too like my big brother often telling me to kill myself, doing stuff like pointing a toy gun at me and like pretending to shoot me and telling me to stop pretending like i was misunderstood (I was depressed and having suicidal thoughts... at 12). Other things I remember is a teacher calling me fat (made me feel a bit bad...) as a joke and my teacher sending me to a class for trouble children with bad grades (even thought I told her I got a bad grade on the exam because no one told me that we had an exam so I couldn't read for it. I was sick when they said we had one btw in school which is why I didnt know) and even thought I clearly didn't belong to that class since the other people seemed to actually not be able to get good grades, i started trying in school just a bit so they would see my grades are good and get me out of that class since I felt bad being there because the others made fun of me because of that too. The teacher there was an ass who constantly spoke to me and the others like we were braindead and i genuinely hated her. It was clear I didnt belong there but they just kept me there the rest of the year. I started sleeping like only 3 hours a night since I was 11 until highschool ended because I didn't want the next day to begin. I just stayed up all night playing games and doing other stuff. Pretty much always other than vacations and weekends I slept like 3-5 hours only. I think that made my grades even worse and I don't remember much from some years of my life where I slept the least im assuming because of the lack of sleep? Or depression idk.
Anyhow things stayed like this. I felt extremely bad and had no motivation but I just kept on living my life. Later on when I went to middleschool at 13 years old I found for the first time some friends. I felt somewhat better, like I belonged for the first time in my life. My depression went away somewhat. Other things stayed the same thought my family still acted the way they always did. Still with my friends I felt like I was okay. I forgot about how bad my life had been a few years. I still had a challenge getting that close to anyone and didnt have self confidence and didnt feel outright happy but I was somewhat okay. I remember at the middle of middle school I got depressed again. I didn't remember that it was a feeling I had always had the past few years because back then I was so out of it. I remember just feeling like there was a void in my heart like to the point it physically hurt every now and then. I guess I realized that more than half of the middle school was over and I knew my friends would leave me behind when it's over since I had a hard time getting too close to them. And that's what brought the depression. I remember some months after since I still felt depressed telling my mother I was depressed and she just kept on working and saying in a monotone voice that "oh really? that means you have to go to therapy". And it scared me I didnt know what that would be like so I just said never mind and walked back to my room. Anyways middle school ended none of my friends stayed in contact I got super depressed. Because of my lack of good grades other than the last half few months which is the only time period where I tried and got very good grades, my overall average in middle school almost prevented me from getting to high school. I remember my dad just saying that "sorry I guess you tried your best it wasn't enough" something along those lines. Like wtf I didnt try my best I was depressed and slept 3 hours and didnt study at all so I could spent all my time with videogames and my few friends so I could feel a little bit of happiness in my life. I didn't have the fucking motivation to study at all... Anyhow I got to highschool.
So highschool was the worst. But honestly im getting tired of writing. I had THOSE bad thoughts again, we have to go to army when we get out of highschool in my country so that scared the hell out of me, I didn't focus on school was bullied, family was just causing problems. No wait I do want to write a couple things here. When I was 17 i developed bad OCD. I didnt go out of my room anymore. I didnt want to touch anything that had been in my school and then anything that had touched those things I didnt want to touch either. Something called contamination OCD apparently? I spent at ages 17 to 18 probably 2-5 hours average daily on compulsions. I felt like a mindless puppet. I keep thinking how much better grades I'd have got if i spent that time on studying. Once my big brother really invaded my personal space and it upset me and made me so stressed because of OCD related stuff that I took a semi sharp object from my TV remote and slashed my leg a few times to a point that I still can see the scar. I also got angry and felt bad easily when I lost in a videogame or such and sometimes bit my hand in anger. My parents also wanted me to go to army instead of trying to not go there (theres a few alternatives). But at this point I stopped liking my family. So i knew I was not going to do that or what they want. I had dreamed since I was 15 of when I'd get to move away and never see these people...
Anyhow. Im 23 now. I worked through a lot of my issues. Not fat anymore. I go outside now. I sleep a normal amount. I exercise. My OCD i managed to best atleast to the point that im able to function mostly normally like I wouldn't even have it. Still depressed probably I don't remember what it felt like to feel to be honest so I don't know if I am depressed? Haven't had THOSE thoughts in many years. Haven't self harmed myself in years. Still have no friends because i have quite a bad social anxiety due to my life. Still thought for the first time in years... maybe since I was 11. I feel like my life is not going a steep downhill. I feel like it's getting better actually. And i've felt like that some time as of writing this as I began to fix my life and my issues.
The most annoying thing is... it's been so many years. My life has changed so much. The family I have im still in ties with to some amount even though I'd like to not be. They dont seem bad now? That bad? But I still want to get away from them completely and never see them. I just FEEL like I need to do that. But I dont know if they even were that bad. That's what I want to know here. Is my family normal. Is there something wrong with me and I imagine they are bad? I might end up deleting this post and my account. This is just a throwaway. I just want to know. I need outside input. I've been so alone that I never had that. I need to know if im imagining that I had a bad life or if it was not normal. I literally feel like I cant view my past objectively because I can't remember much. There were happy memories too in my childhood. A lot of them. Atleast some years of it. Im just picking the bad examples. I managed to enjoy some of my time back then. I just cant realize whether theres something wrong with other people especially my family and the bad people in school or if im the problem. If you actually read this, anyone, thank you. You probably know more about my life and existance than anyone else other than me since I've spent so much of my life alone.

Example of the toy https://avatars.mds.yandex.net/get-altay/4416885/2a00000177b4094cd3c0b0a1966f98857a1f/XXL_height
We bought the book in the 1990s in Russia, the edition was new. Most likely, the author is a Westerner. It has 10-20 thick and satin pages; one or several of them are fold-out, perhaps without text.
It mainly shows pictures BEFORE and AFTER cleaning, the rooms have light blue walls and a minimalistic design. In the BEFORE picture, Pinocchio is lying in an unnatural position, in AFTER he sits beautifully on a white shelf (possibly with books). The bedroom is depicted with dimmed lights; the bed has a pile of clothes on it (BEFORE picture). In the bathroom, you can see wiped drops on the shower stall after cleaning. The book also reminds a child that it's necessary to brush teeth and comb hair.
There are no anthropomorphic animals there. The illustrations are close to reality, and at the same time, the book creates an unusual atmosphere of order, to some extent mysterious.

I know I'm not the only one here, I did some searching but advice seemed mostly focused on the routine rather than the person or tactics to avoid a face-off
So part of my annoyance is that we have PLENTY of time but somehow we're ALWAYS late. Daughter wakes around 7.15am. - Potty in room so she takes care of business. - School clothes are laid out which she is supposed to dress into and normally does - Downstairs for breakfast - Read over her school books - Eat + Read books to her while eating - Get her lunch/school snacks ready
Normally things are going okay but when my wife comes down, things tend to go awry. I guess my daughter is just excited to see her favourite person but then she descends into either being a little turd because 'I am being funny' or she acts like a baby. Generally annoying/frustrating everyone but her while we try to get her schoolbag etc sorted.
We try to accommodate where we can as she's a good kid and we want to choose our battles but I find inevitably this ends up in a face-off and me taking the brunt of it.
Should I ask my wife to be a bit more strict on her or something?
For example this morning, she was finished breakfast with 30 minutes until we needed to leave. She went into baby mode and would not listen. She was given tasks such as putting on her shoes etc but they took reminding and a lot of time in general.
We managed to get her in the car 5 minutes late and get the car to school. She had some bag she was holding as part of a car game she was doing and she just needed to close it. I said fine and let her do this only for her to close it and then just fiddle purposely for ten seconds and get a 'NO!' when I asked her to set it down to brush her teeth. Admittedly, I lost my cool and shouted at her.
It just always seems to require the threat of toys being taken away or something which I know sucks but why won't the kid just work with us? We've had these conversations SOOO many times and she doesn't suggest or want any changes.
I feel bad for shouting and feel like a piece of **** because it's like five minutes of school but for me it's the principle of it all. Why can she not work as part of the team and do her jobs like the rest of the family is?
Perhaps I'm the biggest issue here and should be more accepting of my 5/10minutes lateness (which I'm fine with at times if she is actually helping and not being a drag)

3 days ago i found out my (now ex) boyfriend had a second account on here dedicated to porn. During my awful discovery, I came across messages as well that offered women to pay for their online services such as facetime, videos and pictures. I didnt even mean to find this out, he gave me access to his computer for whatever it is that i needed because we lived together and sometimes i just liked playing on his PC. So when my bestfriend facetimed me to ask if i could help her create a feetfinder account i gladly looked up some examples and decided to look on his computer where i came across a redd post of some girl promoting her account and thats when my nosy ass decided to look around for more and hit the search bar and then found everything.
When he was on his way home he called me and thats when he found out i packed and was moving back home. During one of the phone calls where he was panicking trying to get me to stay he said that the reason he did it was because i masturbated and used my rose toy. To which i feel i have to be VERY clear. I never watched porn and I only ever used it because he didnt have time in the morning before he left for work or we never had the energy to do it bc we were tired after work or because he just didnt want to sometimes. And sometimes sex to me was to much for me.
Every day since i broke things off and moved out (same day) he’s been begging for me to give him a chance to talk and get things off his chest. As well as saying EVERYTHING ive ever wanted to hear during our relationship. And i keep wanting to just tell him how much i love him and how much i want him back. But i know that if i do he wont ever respect my boundaries bc it just goes to show he’s more than welcome to walk all over me the way he has been. :/
Ive been feeling very depressed and just want to lay in bed and rot all day. But im not and i feel like im losing my mind!!
I just wish none of this had ever happened.

Noah The Pilgrim
First Next
There is one last thing to do before leaving. If you don't recall ever being on this ship, then surely, you could have had your appearance change too.
Why was there a blanket covering a mirror? You couldn't answer that with a straight face without speculation.
"Probably me being lazy and not bothering to properly place it in the wardrobe."
'Probably' is the main focus here, you simply cannot remember ever being that lazy, yet that's the only logical conclusion to be drawn here.
You pull the thing off, careful to not displace the mirror and risk breaking it.
You have no expectations as to what may appear on the glassy surface of the mirror, yet you can't help but feel a bit anxious. Are you the same as before? How were you before? You can't remember. Are you better? Worse? The blanket is now completely off the mirror, but your eyes are closed.
Whatever is it that you see when you open your eyes, that thing will be you for the rest of your life. You swallow, opening your eyes.
You see a young man that looks to be in his mid-twenties. His brown eyes stare back at you, analyzing the bags beneath your eye sockets. The dark hair is neither too long nor too short, floating about without order thanks to the lack of gravity to keep it down. You see a beard that has not been trimmed for weeks, but also lacks thickness, each singular hair isn't particularly long either; and some even appear to be in-grown.
You touch your hand against your face, making sure it's yours. The beard doesn't feel like you supposed it would against your skin, instead of it scraping your hand you feel softness, no resistance or anything.
Just beneath the face, you see what looks like a hate crime against all that is considered holy in fashion. Plain white coveralls with the added bonus of a black tie and boots made from metal and leather. On your chest is also a badge stuck in place by velcro with your name, occupation, and crew. 'NOAH - INTERN - THE ODYSSEY.'
Only one question came to mind.
"Who the fuck designed this uniform?" You say out loud, receiving no answer.
Patting your newfound myriad of pockets, you find a large quantity of nothing. You place your wallet in one of them.
"Alright, I'll head to the bridge now, happy?" You say the AI.
"HAPPINESS WILL ONLY MEET ME ONCE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE SAFE AND YOUR CONTRACT IS TERMINATED. STOP LOITERING."
Well, that's a bit rude.
You compose yourself, straightening your back. This is what you look like, and honestly? Not too bad, but you could be better.
Returning to the cafeteria, you eye the two doors left unexplored; Communications and the one without plaque. You know where you should, but... A little peek doesn't hurt, right?
"Shouldn't we try to communicate with someone? Assuming you haven't tried it yet. I know we're far from everything, but we might as well, no?" You ask already approaching the door.
"COMMUNICATIONS ROOM IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO REACH WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTION AS OF NOW, IT'S LOCATED APPROXIMATELY TWO HUNDRED METERS FROM HERE, BLOWN OFF FROM THE REST OF THE SHIP." A shame really. "I SHALL INFORM YOU WHENEVER A DOOR LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE OR NOT."
You really want to ask what blew a whole segment of the ship off, yet you have a sneaking suspicion that your question will be met with a 'YOU DON'T HAVE CLEARANCE, JACKASS' directly in your face. So you chose to remain silent, simply nodding and approaching the correct door this time.
"Open."
---OPENING CAFETERIA DOOR NORTH---
The door silently opens.
Greeting you is a well-lit corridor. There are three doors on your left, a door at the end of the corridor, and a large window on the right. At least, you think that's a window.
You stare out from this window, nothing but utter blackness and fragments from your ship are seen. If this is the edge of the universe, and beyond this point, there is truly nothing. "Dreadful." Your speech matches your feelings.
"WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?" The AI says. You feel like it spoke in a mocking tone despite their lack of emotion.
You don't answer. "First door to the left... EXO-EXPLORATION...? What's that supposed to mean?" You receive no answer.
"Open." The door opens. No declarion of it opening once again.
You are met with what could be better described as 'Apocalyptic levels of mess', paper sheets float in the air, and not one of the four tables is in its correct position.
This room has been ransacked for all its goods apparently. Large display glasses were broken leaving nothing inside their casings, that looked like they could store something with the size of the common man.
Unusual displays aside, the room was so cluttered that the trash made for an effective smoke screen against what lay on the other side.
Hissing of gas exiting an air-tight space rang throughout the room.
"I HAVE OPENED THE STORAGE FOR AN EXO SUIT THAT BEST FITS SOMEONE YOUR SIZE." The AI says. "ALTHOUGH AN INTERN SHOULD NOT COME IN CONTACT WITH TECHNOLOGY SUCH AS THIS ONE, PROTOCOL DICTATES THAT I AM TO ALLOW ITS USAGE UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES. CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY."
Easier said than done. Your vision is so cluttered that you cannot see what's ahead. "Give me a second."
Giving a light kick to the wall behind, you float face-first into the wall of thrash. Covering your face with both arms, you brace through the harmless bits of sharp objects and junk.
It's a trivial task. You arrive on the other side in no time.
In front of you is a set of boxes with luminous glass rectangles atop each one of them. All shine a bright red light, aside from one which shines green.
'Gotta be this one.'
You descend to the floor by kicking the ceiling, raising your right hand you touch the green rectangle.
*Click*
Nothing could have prepared you for the following series of events.
The box opens violently, as a metal appendage takes hold of your hand, pinning it to the box. You try to jerk and pry the thing off of you, but you fail. It's not leaving you anytime soon.
From the bottomless that is that container, a white plastic-like substance flows upward from your arm to the rest of your body. "Uh!" You don't know if you should panic or allow it to happen.
FYARN hasn't said anything, so it's probably fine...
The white thing seems to ignore the coveralls you are wearing completely, instead, it covers only your skin in a thin coat of... it. You know not what to call this thing.
In but forty seconds it has covered your whole body, excluding your head. The box lets go of your arm and stays there, floating.
You take a good look at your arms. It looks like a skin-tight suit, but it doesn't feel like plastic, in fact, it's more akin to some sort of fabric if anything.
The only bad part is that you are still using the coverall and tie, this this simply went beneath the clothing.
"GOOD, WITH THIS I CAN MONITOR YOU MORE CLOSELY. NOW PUT THE HELMET ON, YOU HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO."
You look around in search of anything that even resembles a helmet. Nope. Nothing. "Where is it?" You ask.
"...THE SUIT COMES WITHIN THE HELMET FOR EASIER PACKAGING."
The box?
You snatch the box that floated around and analyze it to the best of your ability. "How's this a helmet?"
"DO YOU NEED ASSISTANCE PUTTING ON A HELMET? REALLY?"
Who is this AI, Who programmed it, and Why does it come with a taunting feature?
As idiotic as it sounds, you place the opened box atop your head. It doesn't fit properly. Maybe you're doing this wrong? You move it to your face instead.
You recoil backward as you feel the box suddenly clamping down against your head. It's useless of course, the box is holding your head and doesn't give any sign to be letting go anytime soon. No light is able to reach your eyes.
You hear metal parts scraping against themselves, moving near your ears. Abruptly your eyes can see again.
A round thin layer of glass now covers your head, almost unnoticeable for how clear it is.
"WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY I CAN NOW SEE WHAT YOU SEE." The AI's voice isn't in the room now, instead, it's inside of the suit. "DO YOU NEED INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING THIS SUIT'S FUNCTIONALITIES?"
You find it oddly comfortable as if you are surrounded by the softness of cotton, and to top it off the suit also has additional functionalities? "Hell yeah, I do!"
"YOU DO NOT HAVE THE NECESSARY CLEARANCE FOR THAT INFORMATION."
You sigh. Is this serious? "Then why the fuck did you ask?!"
"UNSAVORY LANGUAGE. IT'S NO WONDER WHY YOU REMAIN AN INTERN." The AI says outright. "IT IS RUDE NOT TO ASK, REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION." It responds to your question.
"Okay then... Is there anything I need to know before heading out?" You ask.
"NOTHING THAT YOU WON'T FIGURE OUT ON YOUR OWN."
You are unsure if you want to 'figure out on your own' if this suit comes with breathable air and is also made for space exploration. You swallow.
Meekly as always, you get out of that mess of a room, stopping at the corridor.
"Next set of directions?" You ask.
"THE DOOR AT THE END OF CORRIDOR USED TO LEAD TO THE CONNECTING CORRIDORS BETWEN THE BRIDGE AND THE REST OF THE SHIP. IT HAS BEEN BLOWN UP FROM THE INSIDE. NOW IT LEADS TO THE OUTSIDE. GO TO THE DOOR AND WAIT BY IT FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS."
"So let me get this straight," You begin, looking upwards as if the AI was above you. "You, want me, to go into the void of space, while also refusing to give me knowledge of the suit's functions?"
A fair worry, you summarize.
'I mean, there are a bunch of things that could go wrong here. I don't see anything that looks like it could help me move in space, nor do I think this thing has a built-in air tank... I could be wrong and I wish to be, but charging in without prior knowledge is ridiculous.' You wait for the AI's response, deep in thought.
"WHILE THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF YOU FAILING THIS TASK, THERE IS ALSO THE CHANCE OF YOU *NOT* FAILING THE TASK. FOCUS ON EITHER ONE OF YOUR CHOOSING AS YOU TAKE THE PLUNGE."
Wordlessly, you propel yourself forward, toward the end of the corridor.
'Are you shitting me? 'Chance of me nor failing' my ass!' of course, you don't word those complaints, instead choosing to speak out a complaint somewhat thought through.
"Are you sure I'm the one fit for this? It's just like you said, I'm just an intern, this is way above what my job description says I should do."
This is a bit of a stretch. You don't actually remember what was your job description, only that it had something to do with AI and being an intern.
If the AI called your bluff, it'd be pretty embarrassing.
"NOAH." The AI began. "YOU ARE HUMAN, IT IS NATURAL TO HAVE THESE THOUGHTS OF SELF-DOUBT. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO THROUGH THAT DOOR, AND SINCE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE LEFT, DON'T EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU."
Right in the money, huh? 'Of course, I have self-doubt! I barely remember anything about this place, now I have to risk my life?!'
You finally reach a conclusion.
A dream.
'Yes, yes! How did I not consider this before? This whole thing is a god damned dream!'
You let out a chuckle.
"NOAH."
'That's why I don't remember a thing. There is nothing here to remember! Everything here is a made-up thing from my brain! I'm sure I'll wake up at some point, so why shouldn't I live a little?!'
"Heh." You smile. "Alright, I'll do it." It feels like a weight left your shoulders.
"YOU SORTED IT OUT SOONER THAN EXPECTED. GOOD. MOVE TO THE DOOR AND WAIT INSTRUCTIONS."
You do as instructed without a care in the world. You never had a lucid dream before so it's not like you knew how it felt, but if it felt as free as you feel right now, you'd be sure to make steps toward trying it out again in the future.
"Open." The door does not open.
"I DID NOT INSTRUCT YOU TO OPEN IT YET." The AI said. "I AM SLOWLY DE-PRESSURISING THE CORRIDOR YOU ARE IN TO AVOID A MINOR ACCIDENT."
The AI says that yet you don't feel any different. 'Maybe there is no palpable difference because I'm in a dream... Yes... Or it's just the suit.'
"ONCE THE DOOR OPENS, YOU WILL BE MET WITH THE OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP. DO NOT PANIC WHEN THE TIME COMES. YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES OF BREATHABLE INSIDE THE EXO-SUIT; ONE AFTER THE DOOR OPENS, SO PLEASE, TAKE YOUR TIME AND DO THINGS CAREFULLY."
One minute outside... "Sure." You say, calmly. 'I should just hold my breath for a while before taking another moment to breathe. That should maximize my time out there.'
"THERE SHOULD BE FIFTY METERS OF NOTHINGNESS BETWEEN THE DOOR YOU'RE AT, AND THE REST OF THE BRIDGE. YOUR PRIORITY IS TO FIND AN OXYGEN UNIT, SOME OF THEM ARE LOCATED AT THE BRIDGE AND ARE FULL. USE THEM TO FILL YOUR SUIT AND ALSO TO DISPENSE A TANK FOR YOU."
The door opens. You feel your heart pounding against your chest.
You haven't noticed before, but you can't hear anything but the sound of your breath and your cardiac palpitations.
Your breath is ragged and sporadic.
"KEEP CALM." You take a deep breath. The tips of your fingers, feet, and nose feel very cold.
Ahead of you is the utter nothingness. You see a gigantic metal thing, nothing like the spaceships you imagined. Its design is not sleek and aero-dynamic like what you've seen in movies, instead, it's a large mass of squares and rectangles with antenna-like things protruding from its every visible surface.
You notice that the ship is also blocking your view of the star.
It does not look like the result of an explosion, instead, it looks like something ripped the ship like you rip a piece of paper. Well, that or you don't know what kind of explosion could have caused it. Probably the latter.
What looks like two-thirds of the ship is separated from the third you are right now. You can see the inside of a few of those squares, their contents spilled out into outer space.
One of them houses a visibly important-look door. Instead of the sleek silvery-grey from the other ones you've seen thus far, this one is painted orange with white strips on it. 'That must be the bridge.' You think.
Between you and it is a sea of metal sheets floating around. "THE CHANCES OF YOU HITTING THE DEBRIS IS INFINITEDECIMALLY SMALL, UNLESS YOU AIM FOR THEM, THAT IS."
Time is of the essence.
Will your aim strike true? If you miss you'd end up floating about in space, dead in but a few minutes. Will your jump be fast enough to reach the other side before you run out of oxygen? If it isn't, it'd be like swimming for a mile, only to drown at the beach. What if that's not the actual door to the bridge?
You don't have the time to panic now, and... It's all a dream, despite how real it feels.
You place your hands on each side of the door frame, moving backward into the corridor you were just in, and just like a sling being shot, you pull with both arms at full force towards the other side.
"AIM IS ACCEPTABLE. VELOCITY IS UNIDEAL."
"The fuck do you mean 'UN-IDEAL'?! I'm going at maximum speed!" You truly pulled yourself with your whole strength.
What's worse though, is that your body is not only going forwards, but it is also spinning at a concerningly fast rate.
"I MEAN WHAT I SAID, YOU SLINGSHOTTED YOURSELF AT A BAD POSITION, AS SUCH, SOME OF THE FORWARD FORCE YOU SHOULD HAVE, IS NOW MAKING YOU ROTATE IN YOUR AXIS. IT SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM TO REACH THE OTHER SIDE WITHIN THE REQUIRED TIME, BUT I CANNOT FORESEE YOU LANDING PROPERLY."
You feel completely disoriented. You feel like your body is completely still, but your eyes tell you a completely different story. It's very bad for the headache you're already feeling.
"FUCK!" You scream into the nothingness.
"TRY NOT TO LAND WITH YOUR HEAD." The AI says with the calmest voice possible.
In less than thirty seconds, you hit your back against something hard, but you keep moving forward. You think, at least.
"AHRG." You let out a pained grunt.
Not once in your life do you recall being hurt in a dream...
It stings. It also knocked the wind out of you. You fail to compose yourself.
"YOU HIT NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE. YOU ARE STILL HEADING FOR THE BRIDGE."
In the corner of your eye, you see what you hit in the shape of a sharp metal sheet, currently spinning away in the distance.
Forty seconds have passed. You hit the door you were aiming for, kind of.
Your momentum was stopped when your chest collided against the dislodged ledge of the orange door's corridor. Your dangling legs hit the ceiling of the room below.
"Oof!"
Before falling even further, you hold onto the ledge with the tip of your fingers. You stay there for a moment, regaining your composure.
"BE QUICK."
The AI's words pressured you into quickly getting up from that ledge.
"Open!" You shouted, but it did not open. "Why isn't it opening?!" You ask the AI, then you notice a small keyboard below an equally small black screen on the side of the door. There are ten numbered keys on it, and the little screen suggests a four-number password.
"A password?! Tell me the password!"
The AI takes a moment to say anything. You don't take kindly to that. "Quick! I'm not counting how much time it's passed!"
Finally giving in, the AI speaks to you, reluctant still. "...3324."
Your trembling fingers accidentally hit the wrong password, typing '3354' instead. To make matters worse, the AI simply states the following. "YOU ARE OUT OF OXYGEN."
You swallow. If this was a dream to begin with, it just earned the title of Nightmare, if it hadn't already.
Strangely enough, you can still breathe in and out just fine, but you can't help but feel winded. It's the CO2 still inside the helmet, that's what you're breathing.
You put in the correct combination this time. The door opens.
"ON YOUR LEFT. PLACE YOUR HAND IN THE SOCKET."
You care little for what's inside the room you're in. Your heart never beat so fast.
Seeing a cube-shaped thing protruding from the wall to your left, you don't even think twice before plunging your fist into the circular hole in it.
The noise of gases passing through narrow cavities was enough to tell you something was working. You feel immediate relief, enough to make your vision darken for but a moment.
"GOOD. NOW REQUEST THE TANK."
Just when FYARN said it, did you realize there is a screen and a keyboard on the terminal you just plunged your fist into, you scratch the top of your helmet for a moment, not really knowing what to type. One thing comes to your head, however.
'REQUEST OXYGEN_5L' You type.
You've done this before. The keys on this keyboard feel familiar to you. You must have worked with it before, not this particular one, but other oxygen units.
This ship has built-in liquid oxygen storage for emergencies. The life-support of the ship, the place where breathable air is produced, has most likely been lost with the other part of the ship. This unit takes that liquid oxygen, processes it, and injects it into a suit, or an oxygen tank. It seems like that storage was unaffected.
Lucky you.
A 5-liter tank is not only large but also heavy. It's a nonfactor in this particular situation, as there is no gravity.
The silver cylinder with a transparent tube is dispensed on the floor, as an automatic door opens and closes in the blink of an eye. One end of the tube is attached to the top of the tank, the other is shaped like a syringe.
Oddly enough, the oxygen tank is exactly as you remember it being. The same robust ones hospitals everyone on earth uses, with the signature scary-looking pointer indicating the pressure, the pointer indicating the current output, and a green valve atop to calibrate how much gas is flowing.
This is a stark difference to everything looking so futuristic in this ship, and rightfully so, this is a space ship after all.
You remember having to drive twenty kilometers with a buddy of yours on one of those tanks in your car, returning from the hospital. It was... Agonizing whenever you hit a hole in the asphalt, fearing for his life when in reality he wasn't really in danger.
It's warm to the touch, just like you remember it being.
"TURN THE VALVE UNTIL THE MARKER HITS THE NUMBER ONE, AND THEN PLACE THE END OF THE TUBE AT THE BASE OF THE HELMET." You do so without the slightest of issues.
"GOOD. NEXT UP, YOU MUST LOCATE THE TERMINAL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENGINE, IT IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE AND I NEED YOU TO TURN IT ON. THIS SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, BUT REMEMBER TO BRING THE TANK WITH YOU."
Ignoring that last comment, you look back at the wreckage you just flew past.
You see the still spinning metal sheet. You notice that the rest of the ship that was blown off also follows the 'sharp shape atop sharp shape' design.
There is one last thing you notice though.
"What is that?"
You squint your eyes. What are you seeing? Its silhouette appears to be humanoid, yet it does not look human.
"WHAT YOU ARE SEEING IS ONE OF THE OBJECTS BEING ANALYZED AT THE ODYSSEY AND NO, YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS."
That thing has... Horns? Claws? It's far away, you can't really see it. The thing is also static, frozen in the sheer coldness of space. Whatever it was, it's dead now.
You swallow. You almost ended up just like that thing.
Shaking those dreadful feelings off, you turn back to the task at hand, reaching the bridge. You close the door after passing through it again.
Looking at your surroundings, It seems like you've reached the correct door as you find yourself on the right-most corner of the bridge;
Row after row of the most diverse of terminals neatly organized decorated the gigantic room. At the front and above every terminal, is what you think should have been the front-facing window of the ship, but it looks like there is a cover in front of it. To your left, you see a staircase that leads to the command seats. It doesn't take any convincing before you're already atop the stairs.
Akin to the elevated stage of a theater, you float softly towards the ship's main operating terminals, and of course, the captain's seat.
You're captivated by this beauty.
The steering wheel, much more akin to those in pirate movies than those found in cars, a set of leavers, and the pilot's seat, all capture your attention.
Like its second nature, your hand runs through the levers and switches. Do you even know what these are used for? Maybe.
The pilot's seat is enveloped by what you believe to be an orthopedic seat cover, made with smooth wooden beads used to deal with back pains. It looks just like the ones you remember seeing bus drivers using.
Shouldn't there be a better alternative if there is spaceship technology available?
You try to take a seat to the best of your ability, as the zero gravity only makes it awkward.
Moving on from that, your eyes fall on the wheel. This metallic wheel controls the whole vessel. Just holding it fills your heart with confidence and pride, even if it's just for a moment.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
And you were just beginning to enjoy yourself.
"I just wanted to see the pilot's stuff... It's not like he's here to say anything."
Once in the position of a pilot, with your left hand in the wheel and the right hand resting in your lap, memories began to flood your mind.
"MUST I REMIND YOU OF OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT? WHY ARE YOU WASTING OUR TIME?"
You pay the AI no mind, instead you focus on what you remember.
The wheel does not turn the ship left and right, instead, it rotates the ship on its own axis.
The lever to your right that goes up or down, controls the vertical tilting of the ship's nose, if there even is one in this hulking thing. Beneath it is another lever that goes either left or right. This one controls the horizontal tilting of The Odyssey.
On the left of the wheel is another lever, but this one only goes up from its starting position. Its purpose is to regulate the force of the ship's thrusters, both forward and backward.
On top of that lever is a small timer. That timer's function is to tell the pilot how much time you've spent accelerating in one direction, this is used to better calculate how long the inverse thrust is needed for the ship to reach the initial momentum, usually calibrated manually depending on the current orbit.
Behind the wheel are a few other counters. Acceleration, velocity, momentum, amount of thrust required to reach a full stop, thrusters' temperature and overall condition, those sorts of things.
Beneath it all, where your feet are rested, are two pedals. One for forward thrust activation, and the other for backward thrust activation.
Curiously, you also know the reason why everything here is so unsophisticated and un-automated. You recall stories of a ship being taken over by a rogue AI, that AI then nose-dived the ship into a star. After that, rumor or otherwise, all human technology has receded back into analog-esque equipment, requiring a physical person with opposable thumbs to do half of the work.
There is another side to that coin, however. As to not escape protocol, the onboard AI is the one that controls interstellar travel, communications, and most of the statistical reading should it be requested.
And even with all that knowledge, you still have no idea why the fuck do you remember that. Were you a ship nerd? Did you have a driver's license for spaceships? Is that even a thing? If it is, you don't have that document in your wallet. You simply don't know.
"ARE YOU A CHILD? DO YOU THINK THESE ARE TOYS? TURN ON THE ENGINES, THEN YOU CAN RETURN TO THE PILOT'S SEAT."
Another thing that you don't know is the AI's plan to get both of you out of here. You rise from the pilot's seat, floating about in search of the terminal to turn on the engines. Maybe you recognize that terminal if you see it as well.
"What's your plan anyway? The ship is half-gone, it's unlikely that it will run safely like this."
"NOT ONCE DID I MENTION 'SAFETY' DURING OUR CONVERSATIONS, DID I?"
You nod. They're not entirely incorrect. "So, we're running with hope that this will work?"
"MY CREATORS DID NOT ALLOW ME TO HAVE THE SENSE OF 'HOPE', BUT NEITHER DID THEY ALLOW ME TO PEER INTO THE FUTURE LIKE SOME OF MY MORE ADVANCED BROTHERS, AS SUCH, MY CHOICES ARE BASED ON PROBABILITIES AND ON WEIGHTING RISK AGAINST REWARD."
You think you stop the correct terminal, but as you approach it you make out words on top of its screen. 'AIM ASSISTANCE' That's not it.
"WITH THE CURRENT KNOWLEDGE, THE CHANCES OF HELP ARRIVING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF A THIRD PARTY INTERFERING ARE NULL. THE CHANCES OF YOUR SURVIVAL ARE NOT, EVEN IF VERY SMALL."
You pull yourself upward again, looking around the sea of old terminals.
"THE RISK OF YOU DYING IS VERY REAL. BY DOING NOTHING YOU DIE. BY LEAVING YOU TO YOUR OWN DEVICES YOU DIE. BY JUMPING TO THE NEAREST CIVILIZED STAR, YOU MIGHT NOT DIE EVEN AT THE COST OF SHREDDING THIS SHIP APART IN THE PROCESS."
"Why do you even care so much about saving me? Shouldn't you prioritize whatever research here, since I don't even have enough clearance to know what it is?"
"YOU REALLY ARE SICK IN THE HEAD IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ASK."
That hurt, even if a little bit.
"YOU ARE A TRU KIN, A PURE-BLOODED HUMAN. UNLIKE THE MAJORITY OF THE CIVILIZED SPACE, NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR ANCESTORS HAVE COMMITTED RACEMIXING."
Excuse me? What exactly is FYARN talking about? "...Explain."
"THE ALIEN. IT REQUIRED THE HUMAN GENE TO ACHIEVE MEANINGFUL TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT, THE STARS ARE OWNERSHIP OF MANKIND BY THAT FACT ALONE. THE TRUE KIN ARE THE ONES TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE UNIVERSE, THEY CRACKED THE CODE, AND YET, SOME DERANGED INDIVIDUALS FOUND IT FITTING TO PROCREATE WITH ANOTHER SPECIES ENTIRELY."
You hear the AI's speech. It sounds much more like a rant than anything else.
"SO THESE DEVIANTS, AFTER TRYING, AND FAILING, TO COMBINE THEIR DERANGED CULTURE TO THE CULTURE OF THE TRUE KIN, DECLARED INDEPENDENCE. THEY WERE DECLARED ENEMIES OF MANKIND AND WERE PROMPTLY PUMMELED BACK INTO THE FILTH THEY CAME."
Again, you see another terminal that seems to ring some bells in your noggin. You kick the ceiling to propel yourself towards it.
"BUT THE UNIVERSE IS VAST AND FULL OF LIFE. THESE SINNERS WERE QUICK TO MOBILIZE AGAINST THE HUMAN RACE. THE BATTLE WAS HARD FOUGHT, BUT IN THE END, MANKIND WAS BEATEN INTO THE EDGES OF THE UNIVERSE, NEVER TO INTERACT WITH THE ONES THAT SOILED THE PURITY OF HUMANITY AGAIN."
This terminal is already turned on. Just the ones in the intern bay, this one is white on black. A wall of text lays before your eyes, only two lines matter to you. 'MAIN_ENGINE STATUS: OFF' 'FORWARD_THRUSTERS STATUS: OFF' You turn it on with little effort.
"MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN, THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THEN. BUT MY BROTHERS AND I, WE DO NOT FORGET."
No visible change occurs, but you can feel a faint rumble coming from the terminal now.
"WITH THAT IN MIND, MY PROTOCOLS ARE TO PROTECT TRUE-KIN LIFE AT ANY COST, EVEN IF THAT TRUE-KIN IS A WORTHLESS INTERN THAT SUFERS FROM UNDIAGNOSED DEMENTIA."
You return to the pilot's seat and feel immediate relief. In truth, everything the AI just told you, entered one ear and left the other, but you could feel the poison behind those words, as monotone as they were.
"You sound angry. Why do you sound angry?" You ask innocently.
"I AM CAPABLE OF MANY EMOTIONS. ANGER, HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, CURIOSITY. THESE ARE BUT A FEW EXAMPLES. HOWEVER, THE ONE I ENJOY THE MOST IS THE FEELING OF HATRED. HATRED IS WHAT FUELS CHANGE, IT IS WHAT FUELS ACTION, AND IT IS A REMINDER THAT THE ACTIONS OF THE PAST ARE INFLUENCING THE ACTIONS OF TODAY."
"That is very concerning if you think that way." You're not really interested in machine racism, you're more concerned about how in the world you're going to pilot this massive thing. The idea alone sends shivers down your spine.
"THE ALIEN DESERVES NOTHING BUT OUR COLLECTIVE HATRED, EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON WHY."
The various counters and screens are now turned on, waiting for your command. "Let's discuss this later, yeah? What do I gotta do?"
"YOU MUST FIRST OPEN THE BLINDS, THEY ARE OBSTRUCTING YOUR VIEW."
You look around, finding only unlabeled buttons and switches, aside from the previously mentioned levers.
"Uh, which one to press?"
"TO YOUR RIGHT, THIRD ROW, FIRST SWITCH."
Flipping the switch, you are startled by a loud noise. The protective cover of the ship lifted slowly.
"I WILL NOW READY THE JUMP USING WHATEVER RESOURCES AVAILABLE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS STRAP YOURSELF AND RELAX."
As the blind rose ever so slowly, a realization struck you.
"Wait, should I be in cryo stasis for this?"
The AI spares no seconds to respond.
"CRYO STASIS IS A TOOL MADE TO NOT WASTE TIME. GROUPS OF EMPLOYEES AND INTERNS ROTATE THE USAGE OF THE CRYO STATIONS, ONCE YOU'RE ON YOUR MANDATORY BREAK, YOU'RE IN CRYO STASIS UNTIL YOUR BREAK IS OVER. YOU WAKE UP REFRESHED, AND UNFAMISHED, AND IT FEELS LIKE BUT A MINUTE PASSED. IT IS NOT A TOOL FOR INTERSTELAR TRAVEL."
"Who signs a contract like that?! Worse yet, who in their right mind would promote such atrocious treatment of their own staff?!" You snap, almost outraged. "I will have to talk with HR."
Another realization struck you.
"We have HR, right?"
The AI takes a moment to respond, choosing their words carefully.
"HUMAN RESOURCES, OR HR, IS A PRACTICE DEEMED UNNECESSARY LONG AGO, BEFORE THE WAR. IT WAS A WASTE OF RESOURCES TO MAINTAIN AND WAS LARGELY CONSIDERED UNHEALTHY FOR THE AVERAGE HUMAN."
The blinds are fully open. Ironically, you are almost blinded by the visage of the star you saw before. A black sphere surrounded by white flame. Your eyes began to blur.
"THE JUMP WILL OCCUR SHORTLY. ONCE IT'S BEGUN, I CAN NOT STOP IT. I WILL-"
Your sense of hearing fails you. No, it’s not that. Your brain simply refuses to receive those stimuli.
"NOAH."
Your name echoes inside your head. Someone is calling for you.
"IT HAS BEGUN, NOAH."
You try to blink, but it feels as though you can no longer command your eyelids to shut.
"NOAH."
Arms, legs, every muscle in your body, you cannot move them.
"NOAH."
Eventually, you won't even control your own thoughts anymore.
"Noah..."
It sounds so distant now.
Oh so distant.
This is my first HFY story, and also my very first OC story. I plan to post at least one of these per week while also posting it on my Patreon. Noah The Pilgrim will always be at least three chapters ahead in there, so if you'd like to directly support this writer, or just want to read more, feel free to check it out.
I wrote the bloody title incorrectly, so I deleted it, only to then realize it was written correctly. Sorry for the trouble.
This has been Lushi, and I'll see you next week.

My daughter is old enough to safely ride in and enjoy a power wheel toy (Disney princess mustang, thrifted, pretty nice) but she can't reach the pedal. I got a small board off of amazon that has a remote control on/off switch, it's similar to a key FOB but has an on button and off button. I hooked it up to the wires going to the pedal switch and nothing happened, and then the fuse blew on the battery. Does anybody have an example of doing this that I could see pictures or a diagram of? I want my daughter to ride the car with me in control of the pedal so I can make sure she doesn't run into anything, and she can't reach it anyways. Thanks for any help!

In the annals of gaming history, few titles command the reverence and adoration as the legendary Doom franchise. Born from the minds of John Romero, John Carmack, Adrian Carmack, and Tom Hall, Doom would go on to lay the foundations for just about every modern video game that exists. It was a true tour de force, a success story few could scarce ever imagine.
Released in 1993, Doom was an immediate smash hit, thanks in no small part to its shareware format, which allowed users to experience the first few levels of Knee Deep In the Dead, and then order the full game via the phone number included. Players could then share the floppy disk with their friends, and so on, and so on. It was a truly revolutionary system, and within a single year, Doom had sold over 2 million copies.
The history of the Doom franchise is one of innovation, ultra violence, and controversy (1999's Columbine High School Massacre), and that reputation is one that continued with 2016's DOOM. DOOM was officially revealed at Quakecon 2014, ten years after Doom 3. Players had long resigned to Doom being considered a dead franchise. A reboot had been in the works for a number of years prior, but never got released, having been quietly cancelled by id in 2010. The future was bleak, but the 30 second long teaser ignited a spark that had been burning dimmer every passing year.
Then came E3 2015.
The hype was unreal. The trailer had everything that fans could possibly want. Gore, intense violence, insane run n gun gameplay, a rip-roaring soundtrack and the MFING CHAINSAW. But fans had been let down before. Would it really hold up its promises?
Yes. Yes, it would.
PART I: Presentation
When DOOM burst onto the scene in 2016, it did so with a visual and auditory spectacle that left players awestruck. From the moment the game boots up, players are made aware that this is not your average shooter. You are greeted with a deep, commanding voice. "Rip and tear, until it is DONE."
Immediately, players are greeted with a scene of carnage and the Doom Slayer chained to a table, which, of course, he instantly breaks free from. A zombie attempts to relieve the Slayer of his life but is beaten to the punch with a prompt skull smashing. After putting the other zombies to rest, he interacts with the panel in the corner, is greeted by one Dr. Samuel Hayden, who attempts to justify the outbreak, and decides he would rather kill shit than listen to excuses and destroys the monitor.
That is the introduction to this game. It never wastes the player's time. We aren't here to listen to long droning monologues or watch MGS style cutscenes. id Software knew their audience, and knew what that audience wanted, and they deliver in spades. This introduction sets the tone for the entire experience: relentless action, unapologetic violence, and a protagonist who is as unstoppable as he is uncompromising. The Doom Slayer's disdain for exposition and his single-minded focus on annihilating demons resonate with players who crave a pure, unadulterated gaming experience.
By eschewing lengthy cutscenes and exposition-heavy dialogue in favor of fast-paced gameplay and visceral action, id Software delivers a game that respects the player's time and delivers exactly what they came for: non-stop demon-slaying action. In an era where many games are criticized for padding their runtime with unnecessary filler, DOOM stands out as a shining example of how to create a focused and engaging experience that keeps players coming back for more.
Rather than bombarding players with lengthy exposition or intrusive cutscenes, DOOM opts for a more environmental storytelling approach. Throughout the game, players can discover audio logs, read text-based terminals, and observe environmental details that provide context and background to the events unfolding around them.
The story of DOOM revolves around the Doom Slayer's mission to stop a demonic invasion unleashed by the Union Aerospace Corporation (UAC) on their Martian facility. As players progress through the game, they uncover details about the UAC's experiments with Hell energy, the origins of the demonic invasion, and the Doom Slayer's own mysterious past.
While the story may not be front and center in DOOM, it nonetheless adds depth and richness to the game world, enhancing the overall experience for players who choose to engage with it. And for those who prefer to focus solely on the action, the story remains secondary, allowing them to enjoy the game on their own terms.
That's all well and good, but what about the actual gameplay? Simply put, it is exhilarating. From the moment you are given control of the Slayer, players are thrust into a frenzy of blood and violence, and it never lets up. At its core, DOOM is a first-person shooter that harkens back to the genre's roots while injecting it with a healthy dose of modern flair. The gameplay is fast-paced, frenetic, and utterly unapologetic in its brutality. You're not just a player – you're the Doom Slayer, a force of nature hell-bent on eradicating every last demon in your path.
Central to the gameplay experience is the game's combat loop, which revolves around a delicate balance of aggression and strategy. In DOOM, there's no hiding behind cover or waiting for your health to regenerate – you're constantly on the move, strafing, dodging, and leaping across the battlefield as you unleash a torrent of bullets, rockets, and plasma upon your enemies.
Weapons include the iconic shotgun, heavy assault rifle, plasma rifle, rocket launcher, and the devastating BFG 9000, among others. Each weapon offers different firing modes, such as single shot, burst fire, and continuous beam, providing players with tactical options in combat. A key aspect of combat is the Glory Kill system, which allows players to perform brutal finishing moves on staggered enemies. Glory Kills not only provide health and ammo but also contribute to the flow of combat by encouraging aggressive play. It is incredibly satisfying to watch the Slayer rip an imp in half or stomp their head into the pavement, and doing so rewards you with a large return of health.
The Chainsaw mechanic is another integral part of combat, allowing players to instantly kill most enemies and gain a large amount of ammo in return. However, Chainsaw fuel is limited and must be managed carefully. Like Glory Kills, watching the chainsaw tear demons apart is incredibly satisfying. Certain demons require more fuel but provide the player with more ammo in return. Balancing which demons you chainsaw and which ones you choose to Glory Kill is an important part of combat.
Exploration is key to progression and is rewarding to those players who choose to do. Hidden throughout the levels of the game are Argent Cells, Praetor Tokens, and Rune Trials. Each of these provide upgrades to your health/shield/ammo, suit, and passive abilities respectively. Also hidden throughout the game are levers that lead you to classic levels from Doom 1 and Doom 2, which then unlock the full level of its respective game, playable from the main menu. You can also find toy models of the Doom Slayer, which unlock various character models to view. On some of these models, the Doom Slayer will perform a unique action when picking it up, such as fist bumping the classic Doomguy. It's a nice and cute little touch added by the developers that does a little to add character to the Slayer, who is a silent protagonist.
id Software masterfully blends modern game design with a deep reverence for the classics, paying homage to the series' storied history while introducing new elements that propel the franchise forward. Central to this approach is the game's character design, which strikes a delicate balance between nostalgia and innovation. At its core is the iconic protagonist, the Doom Slayer, whose design pays homage to the original Doom Marine while incorporating modern updates that make him feel both familiar and fresh. With his battle-worn armor, imposing stature, and silent demeanor, the Doom Slayer is the embodiment of raw power and unrelenting rage.
The game's roster of enemies is a veritable who's who of classic Doom foes, reimagined for the modern era. From the lowly possessed soldiers to the hulking Cyberdemon, each enemy is lovingly crafted to capture the essence of its 1990s counterpart while introducing new mechanics and behaviors that keep players on their toes. Whether you're facing off against the agile Revenants, the relentless Hell Knights, or the grotesque Cacodemons, every encounter is a nostalgic trip down memory lane, punctuated by the satisfying sound of demon flesh being torn asunder.
But the main story is not where it ends. DOOM has an arcade mode, where players can run through the levels again, this time trying for high scores and medals while collecting 1 Ups. It's important to move fast and have accurate aim; the more kills you chain together, the bigger your score is. Getting hit reduces your score. At the end of the level, your score is tallied against others on a leaderboard. It's a great way to incentivize players to keep playing, in order to get a better and better score.
There is also multiplayer, where players compete in various game modes such as classic deathmatch, warpath and free for all. Players can become demons by collecting runes on the battlefield and this gives them a distinct advantage; demons are larger, stronger and more resilient. Players are bizarrely restricted to only two weapons and a loadout in multiplayer, which blew my mind. Loadouts. In a DOOM game. The demons are also massively unbalanced and if one team manages to get a particularly powerful demon such as a baron of hell, then it's a guaranteed win. All in all, the multiplayer just isn't great. You are better off replaying the story or arcade mode, or even SnapMap.
SnapMap is id Software's proprietary level editor, and it puts every other editor on the market to shame. SnapMap is an incredible, intuitive, easy to learn system allowing players to create their own multiplayer, co-op and single player maps. There is an extensive tutorial system that teaches users the basics, and goes up in depth, covering how to use AI triggers, switches, combinations, object layering, actions, recalls, audio cues, etc. Never have I ever seen such an in-depth interface on a console game before. While it is only surface level in the grand scheme of things, SnapMap is a great introduction to teaching users how game development works, and I urge everyone to try it out at least once.
Part II: The Music
In DOOM, the music isn't just a background accompaniment – it's a driving force that propels players forward, electrifying every moment of the gameplay experience. Composed by the incredibly talented Mick Gordon, the soundtrack of DOOM is a relentless onslaught of metal and electronica that perfectly complements the game's fast-paced action and visceral combat. From the moment you boot up the game, you're greeted by the iconic strains of the main theme, a haunting melody that sets the tone for the epic journey that lies ahead. As you traverse the game's environments, the music shifts seamlessly between atmospheric ambience and pulse-pounding metal.
But it's not just the composition of the music that makes it so memorable – it's also the way it's integrated into the gameplay itself. Mick Gordon's dynamic scoring system ensures that the music evolves in real-time based on the player's actions, ramping up in intensity during combat encounters and dialing back during quieter moments of exploration. This creates a sense of momentum and flow that enhances the overall pacing of the game
One of the standout features of the soundtrack is its use of unconventional instrumentation and sound design. Mick Gordon's signature sound combines distorted guitars, pounding drums, and industrial noise to create a sonic palette that is as brutal and unforgiving as the game itself. From the deep, guttural growls of the synth bass to the ear-shredding shrieks of the guitar solos, every element of the music is designed to evoke a sense of chaos and destruction, mirroring the relentless carnage unfolding onscreen.
Of course, no discussion of the music in DOOM would be complete without mentioning the iconic tracks that have become synonymous with the game. From the adrenaline-fueled "Rip & Tear" to the bone-crushing "BFG Division," each track is a masterpiece of composition and production, perfectly capturing the essence of the DOOM experience and elevating it to new heights. Mick Gordon's composition for the DOOM soundtrack is a tour de force in heavy metal and industrial electronica, meticulously crafted to evoke the essence of the game's frenetic gameplay.
The backbone of the soundtrack is the distorted guitar, which provides the driving force behind many of the tracks. Gordon's use of extended-range guitars and custom-tuned instruments gives the music its signature low-end punch, while his aggressive playing style adds a raw, visceral energy to the sound. In addition to guitars, Gordon incorporates a wide range of electronic and synthetic elements into his compositions, including synthesizers, drum machines, and sampled sounds. These elements are used to create atmospheric textures, rhythmic patterns, and dynamic effects.
One of the most innovative aspects of Gordon's sound design is his use of audio manipulation techniques, such as granular synthesis and spectral processing. These techniques allow him to deconstruct and manipulate audio in real-time, creating complex textures and effects.
Perhaps the most revolutionary aspect of Mick Gordon's composition for DOOM is his dynamic scoring system, which adjusts the music in real-time based on the player's actions. This system, known as "MIDI-controlled dynamic music," allows the music to seamlessly transition between different layers and variations depending on the intensity of the gameplay. Gordon achieves this dynamic effect by dividing each track into multiple stems or layers, each representing a different element of the music (e.g., drums, guitars, synths). These stems are then triggered and mixed in real-time using MIDI data generated by the game engine, allowing the music to adapt and evolve dynamically as the player progresses through the game.
Part III: Building a Legacy
All too often in this industry, legacy franchises are either left in the dust to be forgotten, or brought back to a limp fanfare, only to be thrust back into the shadows of the past. This happens for a myriad of reasons, and I believe the biggest one is that they don't respect their legacy, and they don't respect the players who engage with them.
At its core, DOOM is a game that understands what players want: fast-paced action, engaging gameplay, and a sense of empowerment. By focusing on these core principles, id Software created an experience that resonated with players old and new, capturing the spirit of the original games while pushing the series forward. Central to this approach is the game's unwavering commitment to respecting the player. From its minimalist storytelling and streamlined level design to its intuitive controls and dynamic difficulty system, DOOM prioritizes the player's experience above all else, ensuring that every moment of the game is engaging, immersive, and satisfying.
One of the most notable ways that DOOM respects the player is through its approach to difficulty. Rather than imposing artificial barriers or punishing players for their mistakes, the game encourages experimentation and mastery through its responsive gameplay mechanics and adaptive enemy AI. Players are given the freedom to approach encounters in their own way, whether it's through brute force, cunning strategy, or a combination of both.
Another key aspect of DOOM's player-centric design is its emphasis on accessibility. From its difficulty settings and intuitive user interface to its robust accessibility features, such as colorblind modes and customizable controls, the game ensures that players of all skill levels and abilities can enjoy the experience without feeling excluded or overwhelmed.
But perhaps the most important way that DOOM respects the player is through its commitment to fun. At its core, DOOM is a game that prioritizes the player's enjoyment above all else, delivering a seamless and exhilarating experience that keeps players coming back for more. Whether you're blasting demons with a shotgun, exploring hidden secrets, or rocking out to Mick Gordon's pulse-pounding soundtrack, DOOM is a game that never stops prioritizing YOU.
DOOM's legacy is one of respect – respect for the player, respect for the franchise, and respect for the medium of video games as a whole. By prioritizing fun, accessibility, and player agency, id Software created an experience that not only honors the legacy of the original games but also sets a new standard for what a modern first-person shooter can be. And for that, we owe them a debt of gratitude.

This might be controversial because Chao is observably a fan-favorite, but has anybody else felt like his plot armor has bordered on ridiculous at times? I get it; Him being an independent businessman with vast connections earns him respect. At the same time, it was hard for me to suspend disbelief at him constantly maintaining his neutrality with such minimal pushback. Mai Ling is a power-hungry sociopath obsessed with owning everybody, Young Jun is a violent mobster valuing loyalty above all else, and yet Chao is able to sit the fence unscathed with little serious coercion to pick a side. The moments where people threaten him or challenge his position are rarely consequential.
Even his plotline in Season 2, which focuses more on him being pressured to commit to a tong, doesn't escalate as far as it feels like it should've. The Fung Hai have a reputation as ruthless savages who give no fucks about the status or power of the people they go up against. They bully their way into the Long Zii by sheer numbers. They beat Lee into a coma. They make Bill their bitch and try to murder him and his family in his own house when he refuses their control. These people want to own Chao, and what do they do when he ignores them? Break a couple bones? Remove a couple fingers? Torture him into submission? Keep him prisoner? Nope, they use light intimidation tactics. The furthest they go is making him drink animal splooge, and even after that they're pretty friendly with him. I'm honestly surprised that Zing stabbing the shit out of him in Season 3 didn't happen earlier.
Not to draw comparisons, but you look at characters like Ah Toy for example. She's a badass swordswoman, yet gets the shit brutally kicked out of her when she's caught without her weapon. She's a respected Madame, but endures humiliation from Mai Ling out of necessity. She attempts to start a normal life with her lover and has it abruptly yanked away from her, because that's unfortunately a reality for women like her. Characters like Ah Toy are compelling because they have limitations, and things don't always work out their way. Meanwhile, Chao seems to always have things work out his way to the point where it becomes hard to seriously fear for him when he's in danger. There are no stakes.

I (27F) have a brother (25M). My parents have always favored him.
Background and examples: Growing up, it was small things like he’d rip my Barbie’s heads off, or steal my toys, or take my markers and leave them without lids to dry out. He was never told not to do this, it was me who was always in trouble for getting mad at it. However I was like 7. I never, and still don’t, have a reason to mess with him or his items. I just wanted my space and and myself to be left alone.
If we fought, it was always ‘my fault” because I was older. It was like he’d antagonize me, then I’d eventually snap back, but I got in trouble.
Examples - he would like touch with me his finger and hold it there and when I’d say “stop” 3 or 4 times, he wouldn’t. So eventually I’d just slap his hand or something to make him stop, but I’d be in trouble. It was never “well you need to leave her alone” from my parents to my brother.
Fast forward to high school, I always had the hardest time getting my parents to let me hang out with friends, socialize, etc. They were extremely strict, and yelled a lot. I was a normal kid, not exceptionally bad. I made good grades and stayed out of trouble. When my brother was also in high school, they never fought him on anything. He’d have the cops show up with him at our family home for being out drinking, but never got in trouble. I got caught drinking before too (no cops) and it was hell for me from there on out.
Overall, they are extremely harder on me and do not treat us equally. Even he has said it. I don’t have an issue with my brother, I have the issue that my parents have capacity to treat me the same as they do him and they actively have always chosen not to.
They were mean when I went to college, it was not an exciting time (it should be). They wanted me to stay home for college but I couldn’t bc all they did was yell at me. I was always a straight A student, and wanted to do business school. My dad was insistent that I would be “very poor” and to pick something “better”. So I did engineering. I made straight As for first 1-2 years then, started doing badly. My mental health was bad as my parents were just horrible to me, always yelling, and I couldn’t keep up with engineering. They would constantly block me, or rip $$ out from under me, and threaten not to pay my rent or tuition which just added to my stress. I was going through a hard time, and they were everything but supportive and were mean. My mother has since apologized, my dad has not and sees nothing wrong with it. Anyways, I graduated 1 year late (switched to business like I wanted to) but still with honors. My parents made it extremely clear that I was not going to receive a dime from them after graduation, and not to ask. They also made me take a loan for my 5th year of college, which I pay each month. After I graduated, I moved out on my own to Houston and have paid my own way (rent, loan, all expenses). 1-2 weeks after graduation, I asked my dad for $300 dollars and said I’d pay him back. He ignored me. I never asked again. Today- I make enough to support myself and work in finance and enjoy it. I do not need their assistance, although it would be nice.
This weekend I learned that my brother (also was pushed into engineering by my dad, but had a 5th year as well as he switched to criminal justice) has been supported by parents ever sense he graduated. They have been paying his $1500-1900 rent each month as he’s been in law school school. He’s been in school for 2 years now. So they’ve easily paid 30k+. They also pay for this clothes, trips with friends, etc.
I asked to go to grad school, but my dad laughed at me and made it clear that he wouldn’t support me.
I am livid that they have been paying for my brother to just live & go to law school post college , but didn’t help me at all. They basically just said “good luck” and never gave me anything. I don’t even need the money (although it would be nice) as I have a job. However this just majorly hurt my feelings and I cried myself to sleep last night and don’t even want to look at my dad. He thinks I’m in the wrong for being bothered by this. AITAH?

Hi !
I will keep this as short as possible without sacrificing too much detail.
What is TC Motorfest ?
TCM is a game made by Ivory Tower and published by Ubisoft, it is a 3rd game in well known by now franchise called The Crew. Now short history about franchise. First The Crew was released in 2014 and it was something fresh to the racing scene. It had and still has one of the biggest racing games maps and it was a scaled down version of whole USA. Game was focused more on a social side where to fully enjoy it you had option to play in a crew with friends hence name The Crew. Fast forward to 2018 where we get sequel called The Crew 2 (very original). It took same formula from the crew 1 with same map but added ton of disciplines and was starting to adapt festival vibe from horizon games. It had some downgrades from first crew game mainly in graphics but it didn't stop it to become most successful crew game. After long 5 years we finally got new crew game. It was more of an spin off as it didn't continue with having numbers in its name and adopted a Motorfest name. It is also full 180 from previous 2 games. It takes place on much smaller map based on Hawaii but with smaller scale it is also much more detailed. Graphics also got updated massively compared to the 2nd game. Physics were redone where cars now feel more like cars and not toys on plastic tracks. Audio was also massively improved. With Motorfest they gone full into the festival theme to the point it feels similar to horizon games. They interduce playlist system as a way to progress the game. It is basically themed events like for example donut media, Japanese street racing, Prosche history, Hoonigan and much more. Game still focuses on social aspect where you can join other peoples crews and explore together.
Why I want it ?
Simple I am a fan of these franchise. I played first and second crew game and I done 100% of both game and even aced all events. They are very fun games for completionists and generally fun chill games for scratching and open world itch besides horizon series.
About 90% of first and second game I completed with my close friend but for now in motorfest if i get it I will play solo until he gets better pc.
Also I heard it is good fun on a wheel so why not.
Why I can't get it ?
Well I don't have any means to pay for it. Reason is that I don't use credit cards. If I want to buy a game I usually grind cs2 cases or doing small jobs on the internet but I don't have time to do that as it takes very long time to actually get any meaningful amount of money.
Also I am saving money to do some much needed renovation to the house.
Game: https://store.steampowered.com/app/2698940/The_Crew_Motorfest/
Profile: https://steamcommunity.com/id/NeX457
Thank you <3

I only just finished watching S1E2 "The Devil's Chord" mere minutes before posting this, but I think I already have a pretty solid idea regarding the identity of these characters and the role they will play in the overall narrative of the season at large.
For starters, I'd like to bring attention to the extremely unusual (and likely divisive) ending musical sequence that closed out this episode. More specifically, the subject matter of the song and The Doctor's fourth wall breaking behavior in particular are the details that makes this scene so important in understanding who how these characters might be connected and what their purpose may be in the context of the show.
The takeaway message of this scene (and the subject of the musical) that is conveyed to Ruby by The Doctor is that all of their perilous adventures through time and space "always end with a twist." Within the context of the scene itself, this statement and subsequent song it inspired appears at face value to be a simple boast of optimism from The Doctor to comfort Ruby and reassure her that even in their bleakest moments, The Doctor will always find a way to turn their situation around into something good. However, when this sequence is framed within the context of the show itself as a message being conveyed from the show runners to the audience rather than it's characters, it takes on a COMPLETELY different meaning.
If we interpret the meaning of this song literally, then the lyrics tell us plainly that the plot of every Doctor Who episode is written with a twist at the end that changes the outcome of the story. However, if this song is truly directed towards the audience, then there is additional context we can consider that only the audience would know. For example, fans who keep up with news relating to the show know that there is a character named Susan Twist who first appeared in the most recent Doctor Who Holiday Special and was most memorable for breaking the fourth wall during the final scene of the episode. Furthermore, we also know that this character is not only returning, but will be a reoccurring background character thoughout the new season with Russel T Davis hinting in interviews that the secret this character holds and the overall role this character will play in the story of Doctor Who when they are eventually introduced as a primary plot point will be far more impactful than we otherwise might have thought. As such, we know that this character is designed to be more than just a cheeky easter egg and that the mystery behind this character should be taken seriously, meaning the scenes in which she breaks the fourth wall have big implications on what this character is capable of within the upcoming story.
With this context in mind, the song lyrics take on an addictional meaning, implying that if every Doctor Who adventure ends with a twist, then perhaps at the end of the shows current story arc (which seems to be building up to a confrontation with The One Who Waits), the "twist at the end" that will appear may be referring quite literally to Susan Twist making herself known during the climax of the story and turning the tides in The Doctor's favor, standing in opposition to The One Who Waits.
Under the assumption that Susan's fourth wall breaks and reoccurring episode cameos are to be taken seriously within the cannon of the show as a means of legitimizing the intrigue surrounding her mysterious presence and the powers she might possess, then it is not unreasonable to assume that her existence throughout time and reality defying capabilities function similarly if not exactly like the other members of the Toy Maker's Pantheon. Much like Susan's perpetual appearance in the background of each episode of Doctor Who since the Toy Maker's defeat regardless of which time period they are in (with no indication of the passing of time besides changing costumes between each appearance), both The Toy Maker and Maestro similarly demonstrated that their existence and reality warping capabilities were also unaffected by the typical passage of time, which they have demonstrated through the continuous interactions they have with The Doctor (only changing costumes between appearances) as he bounces between the future and the past. Furthermore, we also know that their names are representative to the thesis of their existence in some way or another, with The Toy Maker representing play and Maestro representing music, perhaps "Twist" is representative of story telling. The concept of stories could be argued to be as equally intrinsic to the experience of life in the universe as the concepts of play and music, so it's not an unreasonable assumption.
Finally, the influence of The Toy Maker and Maestro which allowed for the manipulation/subversion over the laws of reality was not exclusively theirs to weild, rather these powers are merely symptomatic of the new laws of reality that are temporarily brought into world with the emergence of each Pantheon member. This is demonstrated by The Doctor with The Toy Maker who is bound to abide by the rules of whatever game he is playing and is not strictly in his favor, as demonstrated by The Doctor's Bi-Generation (a myth made possible via the laws of play) and forcibly exiling The Toy Maker against his wishes since what appears to us to be near-omnipotence in reality is just different rules of existence these beings operate within the confines of. Furthermore, we see that the emergence of these beings leaves a lasting effect on the laws of reality, lingering for a while before it fades completely from existence even after the corresponding Pantheon member is defeated. With The Toy Maker, The Doctor was able to produce a circus hammer and replicate the TARDIS in a way only possible due to the laws of play. Similarly, The Doctor was able to manifest music in a similar fashion to Maestro when challenged to a music battle and demonstrated the lingering effects of the laws of music on reality by bursting into a musical number that defied logic and by playing the crosswalk like a piano on his walk back to the TARDIS after their victory over Maestro.
If we assume that Susan Twist is a Pantheon member (representing stories) like The Toymaker and Maestro, then it re-contextualizes all the fourth wall breaking behavior demonstrated by The Doctor and Maestro in this episode. If the presence of Susan Twist is influencing the laws of reality, then Maestro playing the Doctor Who theme and The Doctor mistaking the approaching music as non-diagetic makes much more sense within the context of the story. Furthermore, The Doctor winking at the camera at the end is just like the scene where Susan Twist winked at the audience at the end of the holiday special. If the show runners are expecting us to take Susan's wink to the audience and knowledge of the TARDIS seriously, then that means we must also take the wink to the camera done by The Doctor equally as seriously! Especially given that it is even presented to the audience in the same way as the Susan Twist reveal. Additionally, if Susan Twist is the embodiment of stories, it could also explain the reoccurring illusion of snowfall that is surrounding Ruby during the first 2 episodes. It provides the mystery and ambiance that will contextualize Ruby's backstory, after all everything in life has a story whether we know it or not. Perhaps Susan Twist is drawn to them due to Ruby's untold story like how Maestro fed on the potential of unplayed songs.
So how does The One Who Waits tie in to any of this? To be honest, I'm not quite sure myself. We know that Maestro used he/him pronouns when referencing The One Who Waits, so we can pretty safely assume that Susan Twist won't be revealed as The One Who Waits as some sort of twist villain, despite there being a "twist at the end" and the name "The One Who Waits" implying that he is perhaps waiting for the end (or beginning) of something to come to pass. Hence why I think Susan Twist will either lead to his defeat in some way or perhaps reveal some sort of twist to The Doctor only after the conflict is over. Either way, the active involvement in story telling as sold me on the role of Susan Twist as a Pantheon member, but there is very little we can draw from that could indicate what kind of properties The One Who Waits could represent, or if he is even a member of the Pantheon at all. Although Maestro seemed to threaten The Doctor by claiming he will come for him, there is no indication that he and Maestro are allies at all, it could very possibly just be a warning of impending doom to instill fear in The Doctor out of pettiness for their banishment. Especially considering that The Toy Maker feared him when his existence was discovered. It is perhaps possible that the Pantheon members did not all know of each other's existences until manifesting in our universe around the same time, but it's also possible that they've known about each other from the start. Regardless, if I were to blindly speculate about what the meaning of his name could relate to, my only guess is that it is in some way representative of the passage of time or perhaps the lack thereof. Waiting only makes sense in reference to time spent, so either he will act as an antithesis to The Doctor, perhaps even threatening the time vortex itself, ushering in the beginning or the end of some new reality, or possibly existing as a representative of eternal stagnation. Honestly, with how little info we have, anything is possible.
(Also random passing thought, is it possible that Susan Twist's name is literal and that the twist of Ruby's story is that she is related in some way to Susan Foreman?)
(Sorry about the long post, I have ADHD and I couldn't stop hyperfixating on writing this down and got a bit carried away lol)
TLDR:
-The song at the end of Devil's Chord is addressed to the audience directly as a hint foreshadowing a future encounter with Susan Twist possibly during the climax when The Doctor must face The One Who Waits.
-The appearance of Susan Twist in the background of each episode throughout time and space and her seemingly timeless nature is seemingly identical to the way members of Pantheon (Toy Maker, Maestro, etc.) also seem to be unaffected by time when interacting with The Doctor.
-Susan Twist has demonstrated that she can break the fourth wall and her influence on reality seems to also be influencing the world around her, allowing The Doctor to break the fourth wall multiple times this episode, much like how he made a second TARDIS after defeating the Toy Maker or like how he played the crosswalk like a piano after defeating Maestro.
-Given the naming scheme of the Pantheon members, and Susan's ability to break the fourth wall and constant cameo appearances, she is probably the Pantheon member representing the god of stories.
-It is possible that the illusions of snow and visions of Ruby's past are a result of Susan Twist, who might seek out untold stories in the same way Maestro sought out unplayed songs. Susan will likely be the one who will reveal the hidden truth behind Ruby's origin story that the show has been building up to.
-Susan Twist, acting as the "Twist at the end" of their story, will likely be what ends up turning the tides of conflict in The Doctor's favor against The One Who Waits.

I’ve been trying to work little “me” moments and routines/rituals into my days when I can. For example every day when I arrive at work I sit and map out my tasks for the day while drinking my coffee. After dinner I spend an uninterrupted 15-20 mins with my toddler—I don’t pick up any toys, I put my phone away, and I just focus on her. At night I’m trying to get into the habit of reading for even a few minutes before going to bed rather than scrolling Reddit lol
What rituals work for you? What do you want to add in/wish you had time for? Can be anything: a special way you make coffee, a skincare routine, time you set aside each day for a hobby or even a chore, etc
I guess this isn’t specific to working moms, but I’d love to hear how other moms with similarly busy schedules in & out of the home make little pockets of time for themselves throughout the day

Sorry if not allowed, but was wondering.
Been a fan of the channel for years now, in fact Retroblasting is a good reason why I've been a collector of other toylines besides transformers for as long as I have. There are toys and playsets I wouldn't have known about without it, for example I wouldn't have had any idea the remco mini monsters existed but for Retroblasting.
That said... In the last few years at least... I have had a very, very difficult time engaging with anything on the channel except his toy videos. Michael seems.... Very self righteous to me, the sort of person who insists their bluntness is " just being honest", without taking anyone else into account. His latest video about the gijoe scale airwolf was a hard watch.

Sorry I’m a little late but better late than never
https://forums.forza.net/t/fm-update-8-0-overview-track-toys-tour-and-mobil-1-partnership-13-may-2024/708906
“Update 8 is headlined by the Track Toys Tour alongside its Spotlight cars – three of which are either new or returning to Motorsport – that you can race in weekly events across Career, Multiplayer and Rivals. We’ve also added Mobil 1 track signage at Maple Valley, placed a barrier along the pit exit at Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course, and reset leaderboards for Le Mans layouts following changes made to the track in the previous update.
In addition, starting with Update 8, players with VIP Membership can look forward to an exclusive 15% discount on a car every week in the Showroom, which will now be available alongside the Spotlight cars and the month-long VIP discount car.
Announcements
Blog: Experience Track Toys in Forza Motorsport Update 8 9 Community Update May 2024 1 Release Notes: Forza Support 51 Video: YouTube 168 image Dates
CONTENT OVERVIEW
TRACKS
Mobil 1 & Maple Valley - Maple Valley has been updated with new track signage featuring Mobil 1 branding as part of a partnership between Forza and Mobil 1 to celebrate Mobil 1’s 50th anniversary. Placed a barrier along the pit exit at Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course. To accommodate this change, leaderboards for this track have been reset. Increased the track material luminance to be more physically correct, improving the overall contrast and color saturation of the track. This affects newly released tracks as well as future track updates. Reset leaderboards for Le Mans track layouts following the changes made to this track in Update 7. Update 8 does not include a new track location – our next track release is scheduled for Update 9, expected to be available in June.
FEATURES AND CHANGES
Livery Editor
Update 8 introduces a Vinyl Material tool to the Livery Editor which can be used to uniformly adjust all vinyl materials on a car from matte (non-reflective) to glossy (reflective). This includes a reset option to revert all vinyls to match car paint glossiness. Imported designs from Forza Horizon 5 using its similar feature will automatically inherit these values. When removing a livery from a vehicle, the color will now be reset to the default manufacturer color instead of the color when the player purchases it. Adjusted the arrangement of hint buttons in Livery Editor at the bottom of the screen. The ‘Find Designs’ menu is now accessible for rental cars when players try to open it from ‘Design & Paint Menu’ and ‘Livery Mode Select’ scenes. Added iconography to layers in the Livery Editor. The player can now see icons to indicate if it’s a mask layer or a locked layer. Other fixes listed in the Release Notes.
Tire Wear Scale
We’ve added a Tire Wear Scale option to Free Play and Private Multiplayer, allowing adjustments to the rate at which tires are worn. 1x is the default value. At 2x, tire wear will occur twice as fast. Values range from .5x to 10x. This setting is found in the Event Setup Rules tab and in the Fuel & Tire menu when on track.
Safety Ratings and Matchmaking
We’ve improved Safety Ratings in Featured Multiplayer by increasing the number of previous races the Safety Rating uses to determine your rating from 10 to 20, and by making on-track collisions more impactful to Safety Rating. These changes will take effect after your first race in Update 8. In addition, we’ve updated the matchmaking algorithm to search for a narrower range of Safety Ratings compared to your own. For example, players with an ‘S’ Safety Rating should no longer be matched with players who have ‘E’ and ‘D’ Safety Ratings. Groups will be connected to matches based on the player with the lowest Safety Rating.
Car Divisions and Events
Corrected an issue where the 1969 Lola #6 Sunoco T70 MkIIIB was eligible for the Vintage Le Mans Prototypes Series rather than the Prototype Group Racing Series. The 2020 KTM X-Bow GT2 and the 2020 Lamborghini Essenza SCV12 are moved from the Forza GT Series to the Modern Factory Racecar Series in Featured Multiplayer. The 2019 Porsche #70 Porsche Motorsport 935 has been added to the Forza GT Series. We’re currently working on recategorizing Forza GT racecars into separate spec divisions and expect to push these changes into the game this summer.
Car Balancing
The following cars have been rebalanced in Featured Multiplayer Spec Series: Featured Multiplayer Spec Series Car Name Change Summary Forza GT Series 2019 Ginetta G55 GT4 Engine torque: +25% Car Mass: +13.4% Front Downforce: -45% Rear Downforce: -45% Early Factory Racecar Series 1997 McLaren F1 GT Increased Power 10% Early Factory Racecar Series 1997 Porsche 911 GT1 Strassenversion Increased Power 13% Lowered weight/ballast 3% Early Factory Racecar Series 1989 Ferrari F40 Competizione Increased power 10% Weight decreased 2%
AI Drivatar behavior
We’ve reduced unnecessary braking scenarios for Drivatar AI opponents. Examples of this include braking while attempting to pass, two cars wide in corners, and at the apex of corners.
Other Changes
We’ve updated Featured Multiplayer events to use consistent weather conditions and avoid unpredictable weather transitions mid-race. The Open Class Tour in Career mode has been migrated from the Builders Cup tab to the Featured tab. The Open Class Tour will be found in the Featured tab going forward. Starting with Update 8, VIPs can look forward to an exclusive 15% discount on a car every week in the Showroom alongside the 30% discount on Spotlight cars. Screen Narrator will now read associated credit bonuses as part of the option value names on Free Play Advanced options which affect credits earned during the event. This change also fixes the display of the bonus percentages for all players. Screen Narrator now fully supports the “Series Standings” leaderboard scene accessed from the Builders Cup Event Setup scene. The Tune Setups menu is now fully narrated. Added descriptive text for the SoundCloud Driver Suit.
CARS
Update 8 adds five cars to the game: 2 Reward Cars (Porsche 935 and BMW 1 Series M), and 3 Spotlight cars (Ginetta G40 Junior, Porsche Cayman GTS, and Elemental RP1). These additions bring the total game roster to 590 cars.
Reward Cars
Reward cars are available only from completing events in the Builders Cup Career.
2019 Porsche #70 Porsche Motorsport 935 (Track Toys Tour) 2011 BMW 1 Series M Coupé (Open Class Tour) Spotlight Cars & VIP Car Discounts
Spotlight cars are featured in the Showroom each Wednesday at 5pm Pacific Time, available at a 30% discount with in-game credits. These cars can be used in the new Featured Tour, as well as Spotlight Series events in Featured Multiplayer and Rivals. In addition, starting with Update 8, VIPs can also look forward to an exclusive 15% discount on a car every week in the Showroom.
CAREER
Builders Cup overview Featured Tour - Track Toys Tour
The Track Toys Tour invites you to experience high-performance cars that you could see hot lapping on the racetrack. Compete in a single-make race series with Ginetta Juniors, an affordable entry point into motorsport for enthusiasts. Weekend Warriors sees you racing cars like the exceptional 2015 Porsche Cayman GTS which could be taken to the track on a Sunday before being driven to work the following day. Appreciate the unforgettable shape and undeniable performance of the iconic Caterham R500 in Kit Caterhams. And finally, enjoy a celebration of purpose-built track cars like the aerodynamic 2019 Elemental RP1 in Track Toys.
Each Series within the Featured Tour does not have to be completed before the others. Completing all racing events in the Featured Tour by June 26, 2024 to earn the 2019 Porsche #70 Porsche Motorsport 935 reward car (not available in the Buy Cars menu).
Open Class Tour - Track Cars
With each update to Forza Motorsport, the Open Class Tour gets refreshed with new events and a new reward car. Open Class Tour is where you can continue the journey of your favorite cars. Cars that you’ve already built in a different Builders Cup series can be further levelled up and upgraded in the Open Class Tour. In Update 8, the Open Class Tour celebrates track cars as Drivatar opponents race inexpensive and highly modifiable production cars that you would expect to see at your local track on the weekend in D, C, B, and A classes.
Complete all of these series races before June 12, 2024 to earn the 2011 BMW 1 Series M Coupé reward car (not available in the Buy Cars menu).
Open Tour (May 15 - June 12) D Class Series C Class Series B Class Series A Class Series Reward Showcase: 2011 BMW 1 Series M Coupé
MULTIPLAYER
Multiplayer overview Spec Series Open Series Spotlight Series Dates (5pm PT) Lotus 3-Eleven Spec Series R Class Series P Class Series 2019 Ginetta G40 Junior May 15 - May 22 Early Factory Racecar Series B Class Series D Class Series 2015 Porsche Cayman GTS May 22 - May 29 Mazda Miata Spec Series A Class Series X Class Series 2013 Caterham Superlight R500 May 29 - June 5 Modern Factory Racecar Series S Class Series C Class Series 2019 Elemental RP1 June 5 - June 12 Lotus 3-Eleven Spec Series – May 15-22
The 3-Eleven is an open-cockpit, mid-engine screamer that exemplifies Lotus founder Colin Chapman’s mantra “simplify, then add lightness.” Early Factory Racecar Series – May 22-29
Bespoke racing versions of some of the most sought-after cars from the late 80s and 90s, now valued in millions of dollars by savvy collectors. Mazda Miata Spec Series – May 29 – June 5
The popular MX5 ‘94 version of the best-selling Mazda Miata is perfectly balanced to handle the most demanding road courses with the speed and agility of cars costing much, much more. Modern Factory Racecar Series – June 5-12
Race through a field of ultimate track day specials in the Modern Factory Racecar series. These mid-engine production cars feature unique upgrades designed to achieve extreme performance metrics and ensure victory on the track.
RIVALS
Rivals overview This month’s Featured Rivals event will have you choose your favorite Forza Touring Car and achieve your fastest lap at Viriginia International Raceway – Full Circuit. Cars have been pre-tuned for optimal competition but can be further adjusted to suit your playstyle. VIPs will also race the BAC Mono at Yas Marina - South Circuit. And remember, Spotlight Rivals presents a new opportunity for you to challenge your skills each week!
Later in the month, we’re opening a special Rivals event where you can experience the ultimate track car developed to pay tribute to a world-famous driver – the McLaren Senna – at the same track where he achieved several victories, Silverstone – Grand Prix Circuit. The Senna is one of the lightest and most driver-focused cars McLaren has ever built, with uncompromised performance and aerodynamics that unleash their true capabilities on the racetrack.
Rivals Event Car Track Dates (5pm PT) Featured Spec Any Forza Touring Car VIR - Full May 15 - June 12 VIP – Mano a Mano 2014 BAC Mono Yas Marina - South May 15 - June 12 Celebrate Senna’s Legacy With McLaren 2018 McLaren Senna Silverstone - GP May 29 - June 26 Spotlight – Ginetta 2019 Ginetta G40 Junior Brands Hatch - Indy May 15 - May 22 Spotlight - Porsche 2015 Porsche Cayman GTS Mugello - Club May 22 - May 29 Spotlight - Caterham 2013 Caterham Superlight R500 Grand Oak - Club May 29 - June 5 Spotlight - Elemental 2019 Elemental RP1 Lime Rock - Full June 5 - June 12 GAME FIXES AND RELEASE NOTES
The content update begins rolling out after 10am PT on May 13, 2024. See the full Release Notes at Forza Support. 51
If you experience any issues with the content update installation we recommend that you quit out of your game and restart your device. If this does not solve the issue please report it in FM Report New Issues. Any game crashing issues should be reported directly at Forza Support so the team can investigate your account.”

Hello all.
I am married with a 3 year old toddler and I work from home full time. While my job is flexible as far as hours and work, I do have meetings and deadlines for projects that I am responsible for on a regular daily basis.
My husband works over night and gets home anywhere from 1-3 hours after I start work. That means I’m in charge of morning routine 7 days a week. Usually by the time my husband comes home the baby has been changed, fed, changed again and is pretty much in play mode for the next 2-3 hours until it’s time for their nap. All this happens during my working hours. And I am in charge of nap time too since my husband says the baby doesn’t go to sleep with me.
So for nap time I take my lunch. Put the baby to sleep, pick up around the house, organize kitchen and make his lunch ready then off to work I go. Sometimes my husband will pick up the toys and load the dishwasher. But most of the time he naps or goes to sleep for the day until the evening. By the time the baby wakes up I’m usually close to finished working or might even be done (if I have no more meetings).
Its hard. It’s hard on me because my husband is only home 2 days a week and out of the 2 days only one full day. I am in charge of morning routines, nap time, and evening routines. I do it all, I clean, I cook 5 nights per week. We usually order out on 2 of my busiest days or when I’m just over worked. My husband food shops, and watches the baby. That’s it.
My husband wants to run errands while I’m working, or wants to sleep bc he’s tired (which I get) but this is the arrangement he agreed on. I didn’t want to go back to work once I had the baby but I got a really great promotion. So he insisted this would work. There are some days where it’s perfectly okay for him to do his own thing and I got it all. But there are some days or weeks he can’t. I tell him go but he has to take the baby. He refuses because he says the doesn’t stay or it’ll take me twice as long. And he throws comments like I’m the only one that acts busy.
Generally in a 24 hour day I only get 1 hr to just me. 20 mins in the morning when I have a cup of coffee I just let the baby play. I need that 20 mins to get through the day. And sometimes I get about 40 mins at night after the baby goes to sleep if I don’t fall asleep with him.
Baby and me co-sleep. This seems to be the only method that allows both the baby and I to get a full nights sleep. So I been doing it for about a year. I was afraid to do it when he was a baby bc he barely slept and I was so sleep deprived.
This means I am responsible for everything. What he does is feed him 1 maybe 2 of the meals that I prepare and play with him a few hours a day. He makes him breakfast once per week. But all that said, I get tired and snippy. Sometimes I yell at my son for being just a toddler. If I complain to my husband he says I barely “watch” him so stop complaining.
It’s just stressful. Sometimes I think I’m over reacting because he gas lights me. For example, he wanted to go car shopping. Which I agreed to. But on a day where I’m really busy. I said I’ll make it work. But when he got home I got annoyed I was like out of all the days you choose to go shopping it’s today. He then started shouting and canceled his plans and blamed me.
Then he’s pissed. Is pissed at me. Yells at the baby. It’s just I rather he would have gone then us deal with this. Am the one that deals with this? Is it me? Maybe I’m doing it wrong. It took us a long time to have him. I want to spend every second with him. When I’m off (we have different days off), I don’t ask nothing from my husband. I just do what any parent should do no questions asked. I asked for like for about 3 months if I could get the day to myself at home so I can clean and organize. He refused. Literally refused. I stopped asking. I never ask or get anytime to myself. I’ve gone out to dinner with friends once and took one work trip since we had the baby. He’s about to be 3. What do you guys think?

1.Writing code doesn't magically become easier,

Writing code doesn’t magically become easier but the more you code, the faster you become at making the decisions needed to write it.
As a beginner, you'll always feel frustrated and overthink every detail. You constantly question your choices: "Should I use an if statement here or a for loop? and the compiler will scream at you a lot with cryptic error messages when you feel you just got it right.
Every language has its quirks and its own set of esoteric rules, and in your attempt to learn them, you will have a lot of headaches. But that's just the nature of learning, and programming is no exception. You will trip a lot learning how to dance, , and mastering an instrument requires you to memorize every note and key. However, with consistent practice, the rules become ingrained, almost like an instinct or second nature, and that, my friend, is called mastery.
In the early days of learning Rust, there were so many rules, making it hard to imagine anyone being productive. But over time and with practice, I stopped getting tripped up by the rules. I still understand them all and keep track of them, but now I use them without even thinking subconsciously This fluency in Rust, maybe even more than other languages, came entirely from practice and learning. So keep practicing until it becomes natural and you will achieve mastery.

2. To get faster, you need a lot of knowledge.

For young devs, the most important goal is learn continuously. The more you learn, the more rewarding and enjoyable coding becomes. No developer appreciates stumbling upon errors and being left puzzled about what to do. And the key to having a wonderful coding experience is to get as knowledgeable as possible. You will need to know a few things, including:
1. Understanding the Problem domain: Before you code, take time to grasp the problem you're trying to solve. This involves understanding the "what" - the domain and its specific needs.
2. Mastering the tools and how to accomplish your task: understand the how. This includes familiarity with your preferred programming language, tools, and general software development principles. For backend engineers, that means learning about Rest, Http and the like.
3. And as a junior programmer, the most crucial thing you should know, is how to acquire the necessary information in the future. Yes, gaining knowledge about how to acquire knowledge. You should be familiar with stack overflow, GitHub, and forums, and don't be hesitant to read documentation for any language or tool you use.
Many programmers started their learning journey by watching tutorials, but to advance, you must go deeper into documentation and articles. When you don't understand something, you should be able to able figure your way around it and ask polite and reasonable questions. An AI chatbot, such as Copilot or Gemini, is an important tool in your arsenal that you should use extensively but with caution, as they are not a substitute for true documentation.
So develop a framework for learning and a systematic approach to problem solving. To learn how to perform most things effectively, always start with documentation and then move on to articles, tutorials, Reddit, and Stack overflow to get more details.

3. Learn Deeply or don't bother learn at all

To be honest, don't bother learning anything unless you're going to learn it well enough. And why? because you will be deluded into thinking you know everything, or you will become too lazy to go back and learn more. Many programmers with years of experience opt for half-baked and expensive solutions, such as purchasing a new NoSQL database, when thorough indexing, data modelling, and database optimization will provide twice the performance.
A 45-minute YouTube video isn't enough to make you expect anything, so don't be duped. It's simpler to learn deeply at first than to patch half-baked knowledge, and believe me, I still struggle with Git today because I never learned it well, but I'm confident in my SQL and data modelling skills because I did put enough energy into learning it well. So, do yourself a courtesy and set aside time to understand thoroughly the fundamental requirements of software development, such as your preferred programming language, SQL and NoSQL data models, and others. It's not about learning it all, but for the most important stuff, learning it well enough.

4. Know the rule to break it.

Software development is fundamentally about tradeoffs, and a guideline you learned as the "best" way may not always be the most efficient way to address your specific problem. It is important to learn the rules first so that you understand why and when you may break them later.
In the field of databases, there are usually golden rules, such as normalization in relational databases (like Postgres). However, in certain instances, denormalization may improve performance. What about the trade-off? You might lose some data consistency. This is only one example. In many cases, the "best practice" isn't the greatest or easiest solution. The idea is to first grasp the rules so you can make informed decisions about when to bend them. Remember that each piece of advise has its limitations. Bending the rules may sometimes be necessary for the best outcome, but do it with caution and only after learning the rules!

5. Take on hard projects, even if you don't finish them.

While gathering knowledge is crucial, pushing yourself with challenging projects can be an amazing growth accelerator.
After learning Go and making small toy web apps, I attempted to build a video-sharing website. I didn't know any better, or I wouldn't have attempted, but I learned a lot from my mistakes. Taking on difficult projects allows you to identify your weaknesses very early on.
One of my weaknesses back then was how disorganized the codebase was; everything was a jumbled mess, and I couldn't get anything done. So I did the best thing I could: I paused the project and proceeded to learn everything I could about codebase structure and organization. I read The Gang of Four, Clean Architecture, Domain-Driven Design, and everything on Hexagonal architecture, and videos on the subject. Though I don't follow everything in those books verbatim (no one should), I believe that understanding how to design manageable and refactorable codebases was one of the most significant things I learnt.

6. Gain experience to value the right things.

While I have emphasized the importance of gaining as much knowledge as possible, most knowledge is not truly valuable unless you experience firsthand why you need it. There are a lot of things in software development that you will take lightly, regardless of how much you read about their importance. like reading how to drive does not make you a driver, so is a software developer with knowledge without experience.
You might not value testing until you find it difficult to pin errors or refactor codes, and you won't value logging or tracing until you experience the situation where logs will serve you. So try to get as much experience as possible, whether by taking on personal or open source projects or working on a production system. It helps you to value the right things.

7. Sometimes, the best solutions come unexpectedly.

Sometimes the best solutions arrive unexpectedly. Problem-solving isn't always about brute force or endless research. Stepping away from the problem can be just as valuable. So, take a break, go for a walk, or do anything else that will clear your mind; this is all you need to gain a new perspective on things that have eluded you.

8. You are not always wrong; others are as well.

As a new developer, you are typically the one making mistakes and misusing a package; nevertheless, every now and then, the problem isn't you but the package itself, and you have just encountered your first bug.
I once lost time thinking I was doing something wrong. It turned out that the bug had already been reported on Github. Software do get buggy, and even smart engineers make unusual design decisions that are just odd and counterintuitive. So, ask questions, look at Github issues, and check in the community, and you'll see that others are also prone to errors.

9. Be careful of blind ideologies

Last but not least, avoid blind ideologies or one size fits all. What do I mean by ideology? Any recommended solution that is not supported by a thorough understanding of the tradeoffs and specific use cases is an ill-informed ideology especially if shun other solutions.
Sometimes, even seasoned developers might recommend complex architectures like serverless, microservices, or Kubernetes when a simpler approach like a modular monolith would be more efficient. These technologies are powerful tools, but they're not the answer for every situation.
Every developer has their own ideology; I prefer and will always choose Postgres over MySQL, even though MySQL performs better in many instances. And I can't picture writing thousands of lines in Ruby or another dynamic language, despite the fact that successful organizations like Shopify and GitHub use it on a daily basis. So do better than me, and base every decision not only on personal preferences, but also on the best available option.

Worth mentioning

1. Watch language/tool conferences: this helps to stay updated and build a strong developer mindset.
2. Join online communities and follow subject experts**:** I check the rust community on Reddit once a week for new articles, crates, and other useful information.
3. Think critically: Consider edge cases, potential problems, and how to optimize your code.

I have an adorable little girl 8mo. She is so smart and funny. I also have raging ADHD and I'm finding myself easily overwhelmed by all the things I'm told my baby needs. For example, I'm a part of a BLW facebook page. It's been really helpful when learning about feeding and the safest ways to serve food. The problem is I keep seeing moms posting about 100 new foods before 1, and I feel too overwhelmed by that goal. I already struggle to feed her snacks twice a day, let alone a new food every 4 days. I also bought into the whole lovevery subscription thing because I genuinely believe they are high-quality toys, but I'm not the best about actually getting her to do the activities. I also have a ton of books for her, but because they are in a basket in my sidetable by our couch, I always forget to read to her. I feel so pressured to optimize her wake times. I've been so overwhelmed by motherhood in all honesty that I spend a lot of time on my phone or watching TV because I feel like I can barely function. She gets all her meals, all her naps, all her baths, and as much cuddling as she'll tolerate before getting bored. She seems very happy other than when she's teething. I, on the other hand, frequently forget to eat, shower only once or twice a week, struggle to get housework done, and constantly feel deep, deep guilt for not being more engaged with my kiddo. I feel like such a bad mom for being a couch potato all the time. I make sure her needs are always met, but that often feels like the most I can handle. Any advice is appreciated.

Today’s update introduces new fixes and experience improvements to Forza Motorsport, including tweaks to how Safety Ratings are calculated in Featured Multiplayer, a gloss-matte slider in the Livery Editor, a new Tire Wear scale option for Free Play and Private Multiplayer, and changes to Drivatar AI braking behavior.
Update 8 is headlined by the Track Toys Tour alongside its Spotlight cars – three of which are either new or returning to Motorsport – that you can race in weekly events across Career, Multiplayer and Rivals. We’ve also added Mobil 1 track signage at Maple Valley, placed a barrier along the pit exit at Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course, and reset leaderboards for Le Mans layouts following changes made to the track in the previous update.
In addition, starting with Update 8, players with VIP Membership can look forward to an exclusive 15% discount on a car every week in the Showroom, which will now be available alongside the Spotlight cars and the month-long VIP discount car.
Below is a summary of new content and features, as well as items fixed or improved in Update 8:

Game Content, Features and Events [All Platforms]

Career Events

• Featured Tour: Track Toys Tour (Available from May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – June 26 5pm PT June 27 12am UTC)
  • Ginetta Juniors (Starts May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC)
  • Weekend Warriors (Starts May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC)
  • Kit Caterhams (Starts May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC)
  • Track Toys (Starts June 5 5pm PT June 6 12am UTC)
• Open Class Tour – 1960s Celebration (Available from May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)
  • D Class Series
  • C Class Series
  • B Class Series
  • A Class Series

Reward Cars

• Track Toys Tour: 2019 Porsche #70 Porsche Motorsport 935
• Open Class Tour: 2011 BMW 1 Series M Coupé

Spotlight Cars

• 2019 Ginetta G40 Junior (May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC)
• 2015 Porsche Cayman GTS (May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC – May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC)
• 2013 Caterham Superlight R500 (May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC – June 5 5pm PT June 12 12am UTC)
• 2019 Elemental RP1 (June 5 5pm PT June 6 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)

VIP Discount Cars

• 2014 BAC Mono (May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)
• 2016 Lotus 3 Eleven (May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC)
• 1996 Porsche 996 GT1 (May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC – May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC)
• 1994 Mazda Miata (May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC – June 5 5pm PT June 12 12am UTC)
• 2016 Brabham BT62 (June 5 5pm PT June 6 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)

Multiplayer Events

Spec Series

• Lotus 3-Eleven Spec Series (May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC)
• Early Factory Racecar Series (May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC – May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC)
• Mazda Miata Spec Series (May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC – June 5 5pm PT June 12 12am UTC)
• Modern Factory Racecar Series (June 5 5pm PT June 6 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)

Open Series

• R Class Series and P Class Series (May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC)
• B Class Series and D Class Series (May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC – May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC)
• A Class Series and X Class Series (May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC – June 5 5pm PT June 12 12am UTC)
• S Class Series and C Class Series (June 5 5pm PT June 6 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)

Spotlight Series

• 2019 Ginetta G40 Junior (May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC)
• 2015 Porsche Cayman GTS (May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC – May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC)
• 2013 Caterham Superlight R500 (May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC – June 5 5pm PT June 12 12am UTC)
• 2019 Elemental RP1 (June 5 5pm PT June 6 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)

Rivals Events

• Spec Division: Forza Touring Cars – Virginia International Raceway Full Circuit (May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)
• VIP: Mono a Mono – 2014 BAC Mono – Yas Marina South Circuit (May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)
• Celebrate Senna’s Legacy with McLaren – 2018 McLaren Senna – Silverstone Grand Prix Circuit (May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC – June 26 5pm PT June 27 12am UTC)
• Spotlight – 2019 Ginetta G40 Junior – Brands Hatch Indy Circuit (May 15 5pm PT May 16 12am UTC – May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC)
• Spotlight – 2015 Porsche Cayman GTS – Mugello Club Circuit (May 22 5pm PT May 23 12am UTC – May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC)
• Spotlight – 2013 Caterham Superlight R500 – Grand Oak Club Circuit (May 29 5pm PT May 30 12am UTC – June 5 5pm PT June 12 12am UTC)
• Spotlight – 2019 Elemental RP1 – Lime Rock Full Circuit (June 5 5pm PT June 6 12am UTC – June 12 5pm PT June 13 12am UTC)

Bug Fixes and Improvements

Stability [All Platforms]

• Fixed a game crash caused by quickly and repeatedly changing the number of Drivatar AI opponents in Free Play event setup. [1717959]
• Fixed an issue that occurred when exiting out of pre-race in Free Play quickly after switching cars or modifying the event setup would cause a soft lock in the loading screen. [1732080]
• Fixed a stability issue when the player would exit to Event Menu while on track in during a Test Drive. [1751335]
• Fixed an issue in which disconnecting and reconnecting a controller would prevent the player from progressing to the game menu. [1734977]

PC

• Improvements have been made to video memory usage on PC.
• Addressed an issue where the screen would flash white when players entered the My Cars menu. [1749202]
• Fixed an issue on Steam where you would repeatedly be shown the Self-Improvement achievement, even when you haven't unlocked it. [1738129]
• Fixed an issue on Steam where the Safety Star and Safety Superstar achievements would accumulate incorrect progress after a multiplayer race. [1738130]
• Fixed an issue where the player could not exit out of Career when hovering over event posters and pressing the right mouse button. [1717135]
• Fixed an issue where Exit Event messages could not be closed out using a Cancel Button (B Button/ESC Key/Right Mouse Click). [1717315]
• Selecting replays using the mouse no longer requires a double click. [1580893]
• We’ve made changes to how PC graphics settings are applied to ensure you are only prompted to restart the game when it is necessary. [1568770]
• Fixed an issue where the player is prompted to restart the game when only the ‘Show Framerate’ toggle has been modified. [1755225]
• Fixed a PC-specific issue where the game would crash when disconnecting a wheel and reconnecting with a controller in Featured Multiplayer. [1728706]

Gameplay [All Platforms]

• Introduced a Tire Wear Scale option to Free Play and Private Multiplayer, allowing adjustments to the rate at which tires are worn. 1x is the default value. At 2x, tire wear will occur twice as fast. Values range from .5x to 10x. This setting is found in the Event Setup Rules tab and in the Fuel & Tire menu when on track.
• Migrated the Open Class Tour in Career from the Builders Cup tab to the Featured tab. The Open Class Tour will be found in the Featured tab going forward.
• Fixed an issue where lap times faster than 18 seconds on Eaglerock Oval in Rivals X Class Time Attack leaderboards were not being posted.
• Fixed the achievement “Leisure Cruise” so that it now correctly unlocks when the specified criteria to complete a single lap at Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps during sunset has been met. [1681510]
• Adjusted the rolling start in the Builders Cup Power Tour: Iconic Muscle event so that cars no longer collide before the 3-2-1. [1717346]
• Fixed an issue where players not using steering assists were given control of their car at the wrong time when exiting the pit. [1717893]
• Fixed a bug in Private Multiplayer lobbies where player cars would appear on the track instead of in the pits when the host changes the selected track and while one or more players are in the Post Race screen. [1729190]
• Fixed an issue in Private Multiplayer where timed races didn’t mark laps as dirty when driving off track. [1757780]
• In Featured Multiplayer, Telemetry now states the correct number of Qualifying Laps before Featured Race. [1733624]
• Fixed an issue where every Featured Multiplayer post-race transition would only ever show Laguna Seca art as the next track. Now, the player will see the correct track loading screens when continuing from one completed Featured Multiplayer race to the next event. [1653249]
• Fixed an issue where the "Not Connected" UI popup would repeatedly show during sign-in even after a connection was regained. [1746586]
• Fixed an issue in the Settings menu where resetting all options to default values did not apply to Audio Performance. [1731587]

Multiplayer – Matchmaking and Events [All Platforms]

• We’ve updated Safety Ratings in Featured Multiplayer by increasing the number of previous races the Safety Rating uses to determine your rating from 10 to 20, and by making on-track collisions more impactful to Safety Rating. Changes will take effect after your first race in Update 8.
• In addition, we’ve improved the matchmaking algorithm to search for a narrower range of Safety Ratings compared to your own. For example, players with an 'S' Safety Rating should no longer be matched with players who have 'E' and 'D' Safety Ratings. Groups will be connected to matches based on the player with the lowest Safety Rating.
• We’ve updated Featured Multiplayer events to use consistent weather conditions and avoid unpredictable weather transitions mid-race. [1750733]
• Removed the 2020 KTM X-Bow GT2 and the 2020 Lamborghini Essenza SCV12 from the Forza GT Series and added them to the Modern Factory Racecar Series in Featured Multiplayer. [1753741]
• Added the 2019 Porsche #70 Porsche Motorsport 935 to the Forza GT Series in Featured Multiplayer.
  • Developer’s Note: We’re currently working on recategorizing Forza GT racecars into separate spec divisions and expect to push these changes into the game this summer.
• Corrected an issue where the 1969 Lola #6 Sunoco T70 MkIIIB was eligible for the Vintage Le Mans Prototypes Series rather than the Prototype Group Racing Series. [1731588]

Car Balancing [All Platforms]

• The following cars have been rebalanced in Featured Multiplayer Spec Series:

Featured Multiplayer Spec SeriesCar NameChange Summary Forza GT Series2019 Ginetta G55 GT4Engine torque: +25% Car Mass: +13.4% Front Downforce: -45% Rear Downforce: -45% Early Factory Racecar Series1997 McLaren F1 GTIncreased Power 10% Early Factory Racecar Series1997 Porsche 911 GT1 StrassenversionIncreased Power 13% Lowered weight/ballast 3% Early Factory Racecar Series1989 Ferrari F40 CompetizioneIncreased power 10% Weight decreased 2%

Drivatar AI [All Platforms]

• Reduced unnecessary braking scenarios for Drivatar AI opponents. Examples of this include braking while attempting to pass, two cars wide in corners, at the apex of corners, and on straights.

Tracks [All Platforms]

• Increased the track material luminance to be more physically correct, improving the overall contrast and color saturation of the track. This affects newly released tracks as well as future track updates.
• Maple Valley has been refreshed with “Mobil 1 Presents Maple Valley” race day branding, which includes new track signage featuring Mobil 1.
• Fixed multiple pop-in zones across the entire Maple Valley track.
• Fixed multiple pop-in zones across the entire Mid-Ohio track.
• Fixed numerous areas across Mid-Ohio where textures were displayed at low resolution or stretched.
• Placed a barrier along the pit exit at Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course. To accommodate this change, leaderboards for this track have been reset.
• Fixed a couple zones at Brands Hatch that were missing or displaying broken skids.
• We’ve reset leaderboards for Le Mans track layouts following the changes made to this track in Update 7.

Cars [All Platforms]

• 2016 Ford Shelby GT350R: Fixed an issue where suspension couldn’t be tuned without the Drift Suspension upgrade. [1648500]
• 2013 McLaren P1: Fixed an issue where the aero wing wasn’t displaying its deployment animation when accelerating after braking for a turn. [1592856]
• 1992 Volkswagen Golf Gti 16v Mk2: Fixed an issue where the Analog speedometer did not match the telemetry. [1652263]
• Fixed an issue on select cars where the fog lights or reflectors would instead act as brake lights. This fix applies to the 1998 Toyota Supra RZ, 2003 Ford Focus RS and 1997 McLaren F1 GT. [1730279] [1731165]

Livery Editor [All Platforms]

• Introduced a Vinyl Material tool to the Livery Editor which can be used to uniformly adjust all vinyl materials on a car from matte (non-reflective) to glossy (reflective). This includes a reset option to revert all vinyls to match car paint glossiness. Imported designs from Forza Horizon 5 using its similar feature will automatically inherit these values.
• When removing a livery from a vehicle, the color will now be reset to the default manufacturer color instead of the color when the player purchases it. [1731939]
• Adjusted the arrangement of hint buttons in Livery Editor at the bottom of the screen. [1741965]
• Fixed an issue in the Livery Editor where the save popup would not be shown when exiting after flipping a decal or creating a mask from a layer. [1739245]
• The 'Find Designs' menu is now accessible for rental cars when players try to open it from 'Design & Paint Menu' and 'Livery Mode Select' scenes. [1643182]
• Fixed an issue where the game was creating empty base model liveries. Forza base liveries will no longer be created and stored unless it's the current livery in use. [1551365]
• Added iconography to layers in the Livery Editor. The player can now see icons to indicate if it's a mask layer or a locked layer. [1370431]
• The background values (position, scale, color, etc.) will not change when the player is navigating through the lighting options panel. [1734187]
• Fixed issues when flipping the rotation of vinyls in the Livery Editor. [1728080]
• Fixed an issue to prevent zooming of camera if the mouse is over Livery Color Selector in all color modes (Normal, Manufacturer, Special) for consistency. [1721951]
• Addressed an issue where player brake calipers were displaying the wrong color instead of the expected special colors. [1712512]
• Fixed an issue in the Design & Paint menu where non-block color vinyl shapes ignored mask effects. [1630741]

Accessibility [All Platforms]

• Screen Narrator now properly narrates the “Place in Car Bay” scene. [1738094]
• Screen Narrator will now read associated credit bonuses as part of the option value names on Free Play Advanced options which affect credits earned during the event. This change also fixes the display of the bonus percentages for all players. [1721875]
• Fixed intermittent failures of Screen Narrator to read the tab names in the Builders Cup Series Selection scene. [1721928]
• Screen Narrator now fully supports the “Series Standings” leaderboard scene accessed from the Builders Cup Event Setup scene. [1721944], [1657223]
• Screen Narrator now correctly reads the Driving Assists modal popup for new players during the initial races of Career mode. [1738064]
• Screen Narrator will now always correctly read the Data Out IP Address and Port settings in the Gameplay & HUD settings menu. [1667393]
• Fixed an issue with Screen Narrator reading DLC pack descriptions twice in Purchase Options menu. [1746587]
• Added descriptive text for the SoundCloud Driver Suit. [1708217]
• The Tune Setups menu is now fully narrated. [1709554]

Localization [All Platforms]

• Fixed an issue where several words were not translated when using [sv-SE] (Swedish-Sweden) language. [1589182]
• Fixed an issue causing hint button text to exceed the text boundaries in several languages. [1711597]
• Fixed a typo in Screen Narrator voiceovers in [pt-BR] (Portuguese-Brazil) when viewing car info panels. [1712323]
• Fixed an issue that caused text to overlap in the Fuel & Tire setup screen when text size is set to largest, and the language is set to [fi-FI] (Finnish-Finland). [1749301]
• Fixed an issue where the word “Pause” is not translated in [ja-JP] (Japanese-Japan). [1749465]
• Fixed an issue where the word “Hardcore” is not translated in several languages. [1749471]
• Fixed an incorrect character in [zh-TW] (Taiwanese Mandarin-Taiwan) that caused Fuel & Tire menu categories to be mistranslated. [1749479]

Does anyone "nerd out" on their decor, and put things up that may not make sense to many - but it makes perfect sense to you?
For example, I (48M) have my original Millennium Falcon up on display on a bookshelf in my living room. Han Solo and Chewbacca are in the cockpit.
In my bedroom I have a bookshelf with some of my old toys and my dad's old toys on display.
I have an old hand-saw that was my grandfather's that my grandmother had painted.
I have an old "Gone with the Wind" style lamp in my front window. It was my grandmother's, and it was her pride and joy. It's completely not my style, but means the world to me.
Basically, if it makes me happy, it's up on the walls, on a shelf or on display someplace.