Needing advice
I just wanna start off by saying me and the father of my children were separated for over a year and he had gotten back with his other baby mother right after I left him. Ever since we had broken up, we made an agreement where he takes our children every other weekend. Since that’s been happening, his other baby mother has been making nothing but problems and drama. She even went as far as calling my father and claiming how my children are not from my baby father. She’s always messaging me nasty things. She’s definitely overdoing and overstepping her part in many ways. I can see that she is clearly jealous and controlling and I’m really starting to feel uncomfortable having my children go there because every time my kids go there she’s always complaining about something or making problems or involving people who don’t need to be involved. It sucks that things have to be this way because all I want is for my kids to spend time with their father. I don’t think the father of my children really cares because he never defends me or the children he just lets her go off and do what she wants and I really find it unfair because it’s affecting the children more than anyone how can I have my children spend time with their father without, an evil stepmother being involved and constantly making contra for me and my family.
Thanks for listening to my rant

Hi Everyone!
This is my first write-up of any kind of unresolved mystery, on any platform, so I apologize for any formatting errors and my storytelling ability. Today I would like to hear your thoughts on the very mysterious death of Noah Presgrove, a 19 year old from Comanche Oklahoma. I have tried to be as thorough as possible with the details, but there is a great deal of conflicting information in the news reports, so I primarily used facts stated by Noah's family in interviews. With that said, let's begin...
Noah Presgrove was a handsome, athletic 19 year old from Comanche Oklahoma, which is located just south of Oklahoma City in the middle of the state. Noah had recently graduated high school in the spring of 2023 and was waiting for his cousin to do the same the following year so they both could enlist in the Marine Corp together and serve our country. By all accounts Noah was a ladies man, standing at 6'2" with an athletic build, in high school he was a 4-sport athlete with American Football and Wrestling among them. His family also says he was adventurous, kind and very much a jokester who would happily play pranks on his family. Last Labor Day weekend, the first weekend of September 2023, Noah was deciding between attending Rocklahoma, an annual 3-day hard rock and metal festival held in Pryor, Oklahoma, with family members or attending a 4-day Labor Day weekend bash/22nd birthday party of a friend. Noah considered going to Rocklahoma, but changed his mind when the family members he'd be attending with said they didn't think it was a good idea for Noah's 16 year old friend to join them there, since they didn't know this friend's family and Rocklahoma is big for consuming alcohol. With that, everyone went their own way to celebrate the holiday weekend.
The Labor Day/Birthday party was for a female friend of Noah's who was turning 22. It had been advertised on Snapchat, even containing the address, so quite a few people were expected to attend. Noah drove himself to the party on Saturday and by all accounts enjoyed himself. He did text his family member who was at Rocklahoma and express regret at not going with them, but it doesn't appear that this put too much of a damper on his attitude at the house party. After spending Saturday at the birthday girl's house, Noah returned home Sunday, probably to freshen up and take care of any outstanding errands or just check in with his grandmother, with whom he lived. Also, Noah's car was leaking from the oil pan, so it sounds like part of the reason to return home was to leave it there so he wouldn't have to worry about it. There are two stories about what happened next: The first is that one of Noah's friends picked him up from his house on Sunday, but took him to a truck stop so he could grab some food from the Sonic there. Oddly, the friend who took him there says he left him there and Noah was then given a ride to the party by the birthday girl, who had to come pick him up. The other story is that his best friend picked him up from his house and took him directly to the party, leaving him in the driveway. Either way, Noah was back at the party on Sunday and according to those present, was very much enjoying himself. There were videos from the party showing Noah and his friends doing "guy things" like the Slap Game, where two people try to slap each other across the face as hard as they can. Just "macho" drunken teenage guy things. There was also video from the party of the guests playing "classic" party games such as beer pong.
With all the drinking going on, some issues were bound to arise. A confrontation happened between Noah and his best friend. Noah had been in a corner with his best friend's girlfriend and apparently they had their backs to everyone else while talking. The best friend took exception to this and an argument ensued. Luckily, it did not become physical and they made up shortly after, but this event with the best friend and his girlfriend is important for later. A second confrontation occurred between Noah and a 16 year old guest that did become physical. The 16 year old accused Noah of hiding his phone, although the reasons why he thought Noah did it have not been stated. During the argument the kid "fishhooked" Noah and Noah returned the favor by biting his finger. It seems like the other people there were able to diffuse the situation and the kid's phone was found underneath another guest who was sleeping on a couch. As the day went on, things continued to become crazier as the people at the party drank more and more. At one point girls at the party started signing their names on Noah's torso and buttocks, writing things such as "Noah's hot!" and drawing a cartoon penis on his rear-end. Noah and the best friend he had the argument with even drove a John Deere "Gator" UTV "Side by Side" around the property, but stopped when Noah scrapped his hand almost flipping it over. Some people even say that Noah was tossed from the UTV, but he was checked out by a nurse at the party and she said he had nothing to worry about. Another event worth mentioning is that the birthday girl seemed to have a crush on Noah. Noah realized this, or was told this, and while talking to her about it called her a "fat, nasty b*tch". I assume that they were close friends and this is just a drunken teen being a drunken teen. An odd thing to mention is that this girl's mother, who also lives in the home, had told Noah's family that she believed Noah wanted her sexually. Whether this is true or not, I have no clue, but it seems a very weird thing to say to the family of a 19 year old your daughter is friends with.
So here's where the mystery comes in. Early Monday morning (September 4th, 2023), after 2:00am, the guests say that Noah was upset about something and that it might have had to do with sleeping in either the birthday girl's or her mother's bed. One of them either heard, or saw, Noah attempting to sleep in their bed and demanded that he go on the floor. This apparently upset Noah so much that he said he needed to go out for a walk, completely drunk, very early in the morning. The guests say Noah was wearing his best friend's shorts (we'll get to his clothes later) and could only find one of his shoes, so he grabbed another shoe lying around the house and took off out the front door. The house had a 1/2 mile long driveway that then went out to US-81, a major North-South highway that runs for 1,200+ miles through the central US. At 3:41am, a friend of Noah's posted a weird Snapchat: a photo of a girl at the party smiling, with the caption "well, Noah's missing". This was the last Snapchat posted by any of the partygoers after days of constant videos and pics. Around 5:00am, a semi-truck driving along US-81 saw something he believed to be a body lying on the shoulder of the road. After driving past, he became concerned and turned around to confirm what he saw. By the time he got back, two other vehicles had stopped in front of the lifeless body of Noah on the shoulder. He was completely naked wearing only 2 mismatched shoes and curled up in a fetal position. He appeared to have blunt force trauma to the back of his head. He had small scrapes on his left shoulder and left hip and his fingertips on both hands were reported as being "shredded", down to the bone. Noah's front top and bottom teeth had also been knocked out and they were found scattered at the scene. There was no blood found at the scene, other than a small amount around Noah's injuries. Very concerning was the fact that there was no writing on his body anywhere. Not on his torso and not on his buttocks. The shorts Noah was wearing were found folded up next him. The people at the party said "They must've been knocked off when he was hit.", which obviously does not make sense.
Around 6:00am, with the police already notified by the people who found Noah, all Snapchat's/social media from people at the party was deleted. His friends and acquaintances at the party say they have no idea what led up to his death and they were unaware of it. The police did not search the house because they said: "Noah wasn't found there.". They did eventually conduct a "mass" interview with all the partygoers. During this interview, Noah's best friend's girlfriend, the one that led to his first confrontation, told police she had never met Noah. She had wiped her phone so completely that even her boyfriend's number had been deleted. When the guests were asked about Noah being naked, the girls said they gave Noah a "shower", but Noah's mental state at the time, whether mildly drunk or completely inebriated, has been an area of dispute among the guests. Some say he was joking around and being himself while being showered, other accounts state that he was barely conscious. Noah's clothing he wore to the party that night has never been located. Police were told that after Noah showered his clothes were dirty, so he wore his friend's shorts. There is a rumor that his best friend's father found Noah's shirt from the party, which was then cut-up and distributed to the party attendees as a "memento". In addition to this event with his shirt, there is also information that his best friend's father had some of Noah's teeth in his pocket. He stated he "accidentally" picked them up from the crime scene. It's worth stating that this particular individual has been on Noah's family's Facebook memorial page for months, arguing with others on there. Just very odd behavior from an adult father who's son's best friend died mysteriously. But, on this same topic, NONE of the partygoers or their families have ever visited Noah's family to express their condolences. Never once.
Since Noah's friends and others at the party said they didn't know what happened, the police had their work cut out for them. The Oklahoma Highway Patrol obtained a "geofence" warrant covering a 1-1/2 mile radius around the party house. What they found was a bit disturbing. Around the time it is believed Noah died, 2 phones were traced as having left the house, heading to the location of his body. After briefly staying there, the two phones returned to the house. People at the party told a private investigator hired by Noah's family that they went out looking for Noah in the UTV/Gator that Noah and his friend had been on earlier. If they had really done this, they would have found him since the phones were at the spot Noah was found. It has not been released who exactly this was. Also revealed when police searched phones was a video of the birthday girl and her sister on their front porch, screaming at each other about Noah leaving the party. It is believed that this could be relevant. The Texas Rangers also became involved, due to the fact that two men at the party were from Texas. It is not known if these men are persons of interest. The Oklahoma Highway Patrol also quietly issued a warrant for a "black pick-up truck" believed to have been used to dump his body, but it is unknown why they are looking for this particular vehicle. The Oklahoma Highway Patrol has unequivocally stated that this was 100% NOT a hit-and-run. They have now also said that this is NOT a murder investigation. The Medical Examiner's report released on Monday, May 13th 2024 stated that Noah died from "Multiple Blunt Force injuries", but list the manner in which this happened as "unknown". His report also detailed extensive injuries to the teen's upper body, including 10 broken ribs, serious skull, neck, and spine fractures, internal bleeding, brain and organ damage, and cuts and grazes all over his body. The autopsy also revealed air in both his cranial cavity and spinal cord, extremely rare conditions only caused by massive head trauma. The family has heard rumors that a golf club from the set in his best friend's truck may have been involved, but nothing else has come of this.
The family has engaged with a private investigator, who did uncover previously unknown information, and gave that to the police. They have also said that there is much more which has not been publicly released and that the search of the phones did uncover good information. Also according to the family, some evidence has been covered-up or lost and that the day after the party, the birthday girl's house and property reeked of bleach. Despite this, his family says good things are going on behind the scenes.
So, with all of the above information, it doesn't seem to be a stretch to say that someone from the party knows something. It is my personal belief that this case will be resolved, but I think three things will have to happen: Time, Pressure and Guilt. At some point in the future, someone from the party will feel guilty, or media pressure will get to them and they will talk. Unfortunately, it may take some time unless the police uncover new evidence sooner. Thank you very much for reading this, but please let me know your thoughts on this case and feel free to ask questions.
Sources:
Podcast (Interview w/ Noah's family): https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jimny-carpenteepisodes/The-Suspicious-Murder-Of-Noah-Presgrove-Part-1-e2dchac
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13421341/Oklahoma-teen-Noah-Presgrove-beaten-death-gang-doctor-claims.html
https://kfor.com/news/local/m-e-releases-more-details-in-19-year-olds-death/
https://www.foxnews.com/us/oklahoma-teen-military-hopefuls-family-cant-imagine-was-murdered-offers-theory-about-last-hours

When I first lost Chloe, I wasn’t sure how to deal with the situation. I came across this Reddit board and spent a couple of days reading other peoples contributions. I thought that if maybe I contributed a couple of times and helped maybe one or two people with what they were going through it would help me. It has been good, but I don’t know how to deal with the situation I’m in. I know I have posted and made reference to my situation but now I feel that if I share it maybe that will help. Chloe was 12 and had a few health problems starting but nothing serious. I’m 50 and my mother is 75 and we decided to celebrate our birthdays by going to Paris again. We thought that we would go before one or both of our health falls apart and before Chloe gets to the age of being really sick (our last dog lived to be 18). We asked our vet probably 4 times if anything serious was going on and if there was any reason not to go to Paris. He kept assuring us that it would be fine. I’ll try to give you a brief history that may help. I am pretty much sick all the time. I can go a month or two without leaving the house. We are both retired and then with Covid, my mom was here all the time. So Chloe got used to having someone always around. I started taking a supplement that changed the way all my auto immune diseases were making me feel, so that’s when we decided to go ahead and go to Paris. I started getting out to go to the mall and it freaked her out. She would wind around my feet like a cat trying to get me to stop tying my shoelaces. She didn’t know what to do without me at the house. It freaked her out like I said. Looking back, we should have spread out those trips and got her used to both of us being gone a little longer each time, overnight maybe. But like the vet said he thought she was doing OK and it wouldn’t be a problem. We left for Paris and on the 4th day I broke my ankle at the Eiffel Tower. We started getting reports from home that Chloe wasn’t doing too great. We have a pet sitter that is absolutely fabulous. Chloe loves her so much. So by the time I broke my ankle, we started realizing that Chloe was very sick and that she was dying. Our wonderful pet sitter went to the vet and just sat with her so she wouldn’t be alone. I threw on an orthopedic boot with a broken ankle and we started traveling home. We never stopped. We just went from Paris to New York to Dallas and to Mexico. We didn’t make it. We asked the vet if he thought she was suffering waiting for us and he said that she was so we couldn’t let her continue that way. We said goodbye to her over the phone in the Dallas airport terminal. I hope that she got some comfort from our voices, but, as I think I’ve written before, the guilt is all consuming. She deserved better. She was our baby. The problem that I have been having since she died is that it’s like she vanished. When I got home, I wouldn’t let the maid come because I was searching for her, her smell. I laid by the table that she laid under. I tried to get as close to under the bed where she laid. I just kept saying “I can’t find her. I can’t remember what she looked like the last time we walked out the door. I don’t remember that moment.” The pet sitter was very nice, she picked up and took away her bowl, her leashes, her food, everything to do with her so that we wouldn’t have a such a sad homecoming, but it just made it seem like she was never here. I spent so much time upstairs that my association with her was the noise she made under the bed and when she wanted out of the door or when she started up the stairs to my bed. At night she was in the bed with me. I didn’t take her on walks or anything so I couldn’t imagine her as we walked along or anything. I have been searching for some kind of visceral connection to her in the house. But she’s just was gone. I think I hear her sometimes. Honestly, I don’t think I have grieved as much as I should. I always said that I started grieving her loss the moment I met her. I know it sounds crazy, but we used to get teary-eyed when she was six or seven or eight. We just loved her that much and couldn’t imagine our life without her. I would always say that we shouldn’t waste time thinking about something that was going to happen in the future. She was just that special. It was if you looked into her big brown eyes you could see her soul. This is too long of a post as it is, so I’ll just stop now.

Hello everyone! As always, thank you for your upvotes and comments on my last post about the Sussex County Jane Doe- I hope that her identity will be given back to her soon.
Today I'd like to highlight a Doe case from a neighbouring state.
TRIGGER WARNING: This case involves a young child (3-5) whose body was found in a gruesome state. There are no graphic images for this case, but there will be descriptions and speculation, so proceed at your own risk.
DISCOVERY
On the 5th of February, a 47-year old nurse, Cecilia Davis, has been walking her dog with a friend at Rockaway Beach (specifically near Beach 112th Street) in New York City, New York, USA, around 4:55 PM. When she was collecting seashells, she noticed a bedsheet with a pattern of letters and Disney characters Mickey Mouse, Goofy and Donald Duck, which was tangled in seaweed, tattered and mixed in with debris and horseshoe crabs. Intrigued, she came closer, only to discover that a body of a young child was wrapped in the fabric- she called out "This is a child!" to her friend, after which the two women called the authorities. The boy was nicknamed "John Valentine" as the investigators tried to find his identity.
When Davis managed to catch a glimpse of the body from shoulders down when she found the bundle, she assumed that the child was a girl, about a year old, whose skin had the color of "aged yellow foam"- after a proper medical examination, it turned out that it was actually a boy, and aged 3-5 at that. One of the child's knees was bent, with his foot tucked under his body.
The boy was determined to be white and/or Hispanic. He was 3'0" (36 inch / 91 cm), and his weight couldn't be estimated. He had brown, slightly wavy hair, and his eye color was unknown. His foot was size children's 5. Several bones in his torso were broken- I'm not sure, however, if it happened post-mortem or if it could've been a sign of abuse in life (but I have to say, it would be quite likely that he was abused). The body was headless, but it wasn't cut off- it likely detached during the decomposition and got washed away and eaten by marine life. His cause of death is unknown.
The sheet John was found in was called a "blanket", but it would appear that it is actually a crib sheet. The pattern could've been dated back to the 70s, so there's a possibility that it was a hand-me-down or thrifted. It was also mass-produced, so tracking it down was impossible. The body and the sheet were found inside a duffle bag, which was described as "yellow plasticized canvas duffle bag with one side pocket with a snap enclosure. There are multiple grommets for top closure of the duffle bag. No string is present. The bottom of the duffle bag is made of a heavy white canvas. There are 2 approximately 2” wide canvas straps attached to and surrounding the duffle bag. The duffle bag is approximately 30” tall with a top circumference of 34”. The side pocket measures 10 inches wide and 8 inches tall". It was also described as "nautical-style" and was wrapped with duct tape, and might've had a drawstring on top at some point. No known photos of the bag are available, but there are ones of the crib sheet. I'm assuming that the bag must've opened in the water or deteriorated enough to open, revealing the contents.
Due to a lack of leads, police theorized that the boy might've been thrown into the ocean from a boat or overseas and washed up in New York. A local on websleuths theorizes that the child might've been dropped from Atlantic Beach Bridge by Beach 2nd St and taken to Beach 112th St- Apparently, a lot of people drown in the area, and their bodies are taken up to 169th St (Marine Parkway Bridge).
CONCLUSION
Discovering the body of John Valentine has impacted everyone involved. The precinct involved in the investigation collected funds to sponsor the boy's funeral, so that he wouldn't wind up in a Potter's Field. The Children of Hope Foundation also contributed, and now John is resting at the Cemetery of the Holy Rood in Westbury, L.I, in a section called Island of Hope, with (at the time) 80 infants who have been found abandoned or murdered by their mothers at birth. John was one of the older children buried there.
Cecilia Davis, the woman who found John's body at the beach, has passed away from cancer sometime before 2013. According to her sister-in-law, Emilia Arvai, it has impacted Cecilia twice as much, as she wasn't able to have children. She was allegedly never the same after that incident. According to Arvai, Davis would say "How could someone be so cruel to throw a baby away like that when there’s people around the world who can’t have a baby. (...) There’s a million people who would take that baby."
I think that it's pretty much a given that some kind of violence was involved in this case- why else would someone throw away the body of a child? John wasn't an infant or a newborn, he was as old as five, so it wasn't a case of post-partum psychosis or someone giving birth unexpectedly and panicking. The broken bones made my eyebrow raise- if he really was thrown into the water from a high place like a bridge, then I can see bones breaking on impact, but they could've also been a result of physical abuse; We don't really know much about this detail. It's unfortunate that John's head wasn't recovered- it would probably tell us more about him, maybe a bust or a sketch could've been made and circulated and maybe someone would recognize him.
People on websleuths speculated that John might've been Jesus Alvarado Martinez, a four year old who was probably abducted by his father after he killed his mother in Texas in October of 2004. The age and ethnicity fit, as does height, plus Jesus vanished shortly before John was discovered. There is a lot of distance between Texas and New Jersey, but it is technically possible that Jesus' father could get there in the few months between October and February.
There are no dentals available of John (of course), no fingerprints (which might've been erased due to prolonged exposure to water and decomposition) and, suprisingly, no DNA. This case is relatively recent (forensic development-wise)- I'm suprised that no DNA was taken. Perhaps the investigators expected that it will be solved soon? Still, there are good news- thanks to the department's care over the boy, he was buried (and not cremated), and we even know where he is. Digging up the coffin, taking a sample and performing genetic genealogy on it seems to be very possible, and only needing the funds and public interest to re-open the case. I think that if someone like Othram will take the case in, John being identified is a case of "when" and not "if". I have high hopes for young John Valentine getting his name back at some time in the future and, hopefully, that justice will be served to anyone who took his life and discarded his body in the ocean almost 20 years ago.
If you believe you have any info about John Valentine's case, contact the Office of Chief Medical Examiner New York City at (212) 447-2030 (case number Q05-00731).
SORCES:

1. NamUS.gov (includes photos of the crib sheet)
2. doenetwork.org
3. nydailynews.com (paywalled)

John Valentine's websleuths.com thread

TW: Success
My husband and I have been TTC for almost 3 years. It has been a journey to say the least, but after two failed IUI’s and two egg retrievals, we finally transferred our tiny little miracle on 4/10.
From there on out, I tried my best to remain even keel but I found myself down every single Google/reddit rabbit hole I could find worrying about all the things that could go wrong. CP, blighted ovum, you name it I found it. This lead me into a spiral of testing practically every 12 hours and worrying that there was no progression and even that the line was getting lighter or was an evap. So much so that I completely panicked myself and my doc saw me early for my beta at 9DP5DT. It was 152. On Monday, 72 hours later, it was 376. That’s a doubling time of 55 hours. Queue Reddit perusal and subsequent panic until our first ultrasound, where we were told everything was perfect exactly where/what they wanted to see.
Also, the day before that ultrasound, I started to experience very light brown spotting and was convinced it was ectopic. Clearly, based on the above, it was not. They didn’t see the source of the bleed and assumed it was cervical irritation. I had a week and a half between my first ultrasound and the next one at 7 weeks. The spotting stopped but then returned at about 6 weeks. Again, queue panic despite the doctor specifically telling me the last time that brown blood was old blood and that may happen though there wasn’t much they could do. I showed up unannounced to a closed clinic where I found a practice manager who had my doc call me that evening. She saw me the next day for my own peace of mind, not for hers. Again, everything was fine and she was not worried but she didn’t mention seeing a heartbeat although I was 6 weeks 2 days at that point. I didn’t ask because I already felt a bit crazy. Honestly, I wish I had because little did I know she saw a flicker but didn’t mention it for whatever reason.
I then proceeded to wait on pins and needles for our 7 week appointment. The morning of, I was an absolute anxious emotional wreck that there would be no heartbeat. So much so that my husband was very worried about my well being, not wanting to see me go through that before every single milestone ultrasound. My hands were shaking, it was a lot. Baby was totally fine and had a strong heartbeat and she mentioned the flicker she saw the last time. All that worrying, I don’t want to say for nothing, but pretty much for nothing. I am 8 weeks tomorrow and heard baby’s heartbeat for the first time today! Still going strong💗
It is very much still early days and of course I still have my normal worries. But worrying is normal when you have wanted something for so long and you are afraid of losing it. Every step of the way so far my doctor gave me no indication that I need to worry, but I let myself fall down every rabbit hole anyway.
All of that to say that I have found great comfort on this forum with all of you but I think it’s super important to remember that every pregnancy is different, your own doctor knows better than anybody else, and if they say not to worry then we really need to take that to heart. Line progression doesn’t present the same for everyone and can send people into a spiral which is why they suggest not to test before your beta, which is more conclusive. Brown spotting is also relatively normal, although you should always check with your doctor, I was told it is old blood and usually nothing to worry about. If you have an SCH, which if turns out I do, then even more so. And an SCH is also very common, especially in the first trimester and IVF pregnancies. This is all from my doctor so again, always check with yours but if they say not to worry, then maybe hop off of here for a walk and don’t worry!!!
I was just hoping to help someone looking for the relief I was in the midst of all the chaotic thoughts.
TLDR: Every pregnancy is different, your own doctor knows better than anybody else, and if they say not to worry then we really need to take that to heart and try not to worry.

One of the fascinating aspects of outsider reports and analysis is what they see. Given that at this point (1992) the internet was not yet widely available/accessible, this sort of thing would have been difficult to find. And of course SGI wasn't ever going to tell us the truth!
This will show you that SGI-USA (then called "NSA") was failing in recruiting far earlier than perhaps most of us in the US realized. SGI in the USA was basically a flash in the pan; it fizzled fast; and now it's just that rank stale smoke smell that lingers long after the fire's been put out.
This comes from Cults and Nonconventional Religious Groups: A Collection of Outstanding Dissertations and Monographs, "Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism and the Soka Gakkai in America: The Ethos of a New Religious Movement", Jane Hurst, 1992, pp. 150-151. Jane Hurst has some interesting research out there; while she tends toward being uncritically supportive of SGI, anyone who is making statistics available is a big help.

NSA members in the 1960s and 1970s were young (52% below age 30), more than half female (59%), and from a variety of occupations and social classes.

The Baby Boom generation were at most age 19 in, say, 1965 and at most age 24 in 1970.
This youthfulness is largely reflected in the early organization's origins in the American servicemen who returned from being stationed in Japan with their Japanese war-brides - those servicemen tended to be young and from a variety of ethnicities and backgrounds, as the draft was still in effect during that time period (ended March 1975). In addition, the first General Director of the US organization, Masayasu Sadanaga, initially targeted college campuses for recruitment by offering lectures on Buddhism. Sadanaga changed his name to George M. Williams in 1972, in obedience to the (short-lived) direction back then of Japanese leaders adopting American-sounding names (first AND last) in order to appeal more broadly to non-Japanese Americans.

The percentage of Oriental members steadily decreased as more and more white and black Americans joined NSA as seen in Figure 10, above.

Figure 10 (I'll get to that line in another post.)
Most of the original "Oriental members" were those Japanese war-brides, whose first efforts to recruit new SGI members were directed toward other Japanese individuals.

NSA members came from the major religious traditions of Protestantism (30%), Catholicism (30%), and Judaism (6%). At the time these 1971 statistics were compiled, all areas of American society. By 1983, the age span was even more broad, with 11% of the members age 50 and above, 62% ages 30-49, 24% ages 20-29, and 3% below age 19.

For reference, here are the age ranges for the existing generations in 1983:

• Greatest: Ages 59-82
• Silent: Ages 38-58
• Baby Boomers: Ages 19-37
• Generation X: Ages 4-18
• Generation Y (Millennials): Age 3 or younger.

While these 1983 statistics aren't broken down by generation, here's what is clear:

• 11% of the SGI-USA membership was MUCH OLDER than Baby Boomers
• 62% was either Baby Boom generation or older (though younger than that oldest group)
• 24% was Baby Boomers
• 3% was younger than Baby Boomers.

This means that 97% of the membership of SGI-USA was Baby Boom generation OR OLDER!

IN 1983!!

Notice how this affirms the demographic estimate from this other research: "Soka Gakkai in America": Little appeal/interest outside of Baby Boom generation

Take a look at Table 4.
Specifically, the Age cohort (%) category.
For the Converts, 26% are older than Baby Boomers; 61% are Baby Boomers. That makes 87% Boomer and older. Only 14% are younger than Boomers.
No wonder SGI-USA is aging and dying, with these kinds of numbers!
We are seeing, like, 90% Baby Boomers in the group photos we've looked at.
The pictures back this up.
Also, this comment by an SGI-USA leader a few years ago during Minoru Harada's visit (anyone know what year that was?):

They [top SGI-USA leaders] then went off on how when we create these big-ass meetings, we shouldn't have to look into the crowd and see, and I quote, "A bunch of old-ass motherfuckers" The words of my "superiors", not mine. I think this is when they brought up the idea of 50K to my co-leaders and me. Source

"Old-ass motherfuckers" is all they have. How 'bout showing a little of that appreciation and gratitude SGI bangs on about??
Worse, "old-ass motherfuckers" is all SGI-USA can get.
Further, again referring to Table 4, SGI-USA's membership is solidly 2/3 women. That means it's going to be very difficult for women in SGI-USA to find mates to marry, which means childlessness will be more of a norm than an exception. Child-free is a valid and respect-worthy decision, don't get me wrong, but a religion's most reliable source of younger members is its own membership's children. Since SGI-USA's female members don't feel any responsibility or obligation to bear multiple children (like those poor, stupid Mormon sheepwomen do), there won't be any next generation to take over.
There's a reason so many religions have traditionally exhorted their membership to have lots of babies, why they condemn birth control and abortion. A big part of it is to keep their own numbers up! Source

It's the same problem happening in Japan within the Soka Gakkai:

On the other hand, aging is relentless. In terms of the Soka Gakkai's membership demographics, the "volume zone" where most members fall is the baby boomer generation who joined by the 1960s. They are now late elderly. In the past, the management of centers in various places was handled by the "Gajokai" consisting of Young Men's Division members, but it is no longer possible to secure personnel. Instead, in 2009, the Soka Gakkai launched the "Ojokai'' consisting of "middle-aged divisions,'' scolding them as "young people in their 50s'' and rushing to mobilize them. Source

GOOD LUCK!

For perspective, note that SGI-USA was managing to recruit just "1,000 per YEAR" - including all ages - between 1991 and 1999. Eight years of only 1,000 members added per year, with no accounting for the deaths or defections. Were the years after that more successful, recruiting-wise? I doubt it.

[Then-SGI-USA's public-relations director for the East Coast Bill] Aiken says SGI-USA has attracted about 1000 new members per year for the past eight years. - from 1999. Only 1,000 new members - across the ENTIRE 360+ million-person strong USA - in an ENTIRE year. And this extremely low level of success for EIGHT YEARS IN A ROW!! Source

From 2018:

In recent years, the number of young Soka Gakkai members has been decreasing rapidly . Looking at the participants in the simultaneous broadcasts and roundtable discussions, the majority are of the grandparents' generation, with only a small number of young people in their 20s and 30s, and the number of teenage boys and girls is almost an endangered species .
Therefore, what I am interested in is the population of Soka Gakkai by age group. This time, I would like to estimate the current population of Soka Gakkai by age , based on information I have personally seen and heard and verification from others . Please note that this estimate is very rough.
First, the largest number of Soka Gakkai members are baby boomers (born between 1947 and 1949 [Japan's Baby Boom]). This seems almost certain considering the history of the development of Soka Gakkai .
Also, the total number of members has already been verified by many people, and is estimated to be around 3 to 5 million people. This time we assume about 4 million people .
And this is what I heard directly from a staff member at headquarters last year, who said , `` The number of activists decreases by about 1/3 with each generation.'' I think this is a reasonable rate of decline that can be felt by looking at participants in simultaneous broadcasts and roundtable discussions. It seems that members who have stopped being activists are less likely to have their children join, so this time we will use a value of 1/3 per generation as the member decline rate .
Also, regarding the number of years it takes for generational change, the average age for men and women to give birth to their first child is currently 30 years old. Considering that the average age of childbearing for both men and women when the baby boomer generation was born was 24 years old, and that there are cases where not only the first child but also the second and third children are born, the generational shift will take 30 years. Let's calculate it as if it would take a year . In that case, the annual membership attrition rate would be (1/3)^1/30 = 0.964, or 3.6% .
It is unclear when this trend of declining membership started, but this time we will assume that it started in the year following the baby boom generation (1950). Source

And "Soka Gakkai is like an old people's club":

Regarding the problem of a decline in Komeito votes, or in other words, a decline in active Soka Gakkai members, many people concerned point out that the primary cause is the aging of Soka Gakkai members. The enthusiastic members of the generation who supported the growth of the society along with charismatic Honorary President Daisaku Ikeda are now elderly across the board. Most of the current new members are second- or third-generation members who join because their parents are members of Soka Gakkai, and they are not very enthusiastic about Soka Gakkai's activities. Today, many of Soka Gakkai's daily events are even derided by insiders as "like an old people's party."

And a more recent report (this year):

Back about 20 years ago a good friend and good guy, now deceased, from ChiTown, was commissioned by SGI Central Command to survey every contactable member of SGI in every district in America. The number he came up with was 5% of the number of Gohonzon passed out since, I guess whenever Gohonzon started to be passed out. The total number was about a million give or take, 20 years ago. These were contactable people, not practicing members. I remember going through lists of people we had on the books and trying to see if they could be reached. So the number we came up with was reported. Hearing nothing about it, I happened to run into my friend at some event at Soka U. He mentioned that he did the survey, and gave me the results. I believe he told me the facts. (Not everyone who practiced was a lying asshole.) So about 20 years ago SGI had about 50,000 “contactable“ people who had received Gohonzon. My estimate that about half of that number had zero interest in SGI. Thus 20 years ago, SGI had about 25,000 members still interested in SGI in some capacity. I think it’s the same number today. (2500 districts x 10=25,000.) Like I said before I went to FNCC twice last year, and everyone, including me, were old zany seniors. Neither conference was for old people. Conclusion: SGI is a senior citizen support group. When I joined in1969, we were all hippie ish, rejecting all the old shit, looking for something new and hip. Now SGI looks like old shit. Source

And another (this year or last):

When I joined 50+ years ago the ratio of youth to MD and WD was about 80:20. Now it's the reverse. Our goal is to move steadily back to a youth focus again. Source

Except it's obvious that SGI-USA doesn't HAVE "20% youth":

Youth? They've got to be fooling themselves!!! When I was still with the SGI last February (2023), I went to the kosen-rufu gongyo meeting at the center in my area. Mind you, the state I live in closed its center in 2021 for undisclosed reasons. That aside, the one I went to was in another state, and at that meeting, they had no byakuren, Gajokai, or Soka Group in attendance. Additionally, the only youth at the meeting were a few small children. Source
I feel that SGI is out of touch with anyone who’s younger than 60. The leaders are retired, have a lot of time on their hands and completely disregard the fact that people may work or have families. For young people it’s the old people taking nonsense. Source

The PROBLEM was already evident in 1983 - and none of the SGI-USA's big "Recruit-Youth-A-Thons", like "Victory over Violence" and "Rock The Ego Era" and "50K Liars of Just-Us" (everybody wants to forget the epic fail that was the "Gandhi, King, Ikeda" exhibit), has made the slightest difference in this demographic disaster. In fact, preparing for the 2018 "50K" event, SGI-USA likely had only 2,451 members in the 12-35 (or perhaps 11-39) age group, just 9% of the most generous SGI-USA active membership total (~30,000).

Ikeda could have preserved a "youthful" Soka Gakkai by passing the Presidency to a younger candidate, but Ikeda refused, because Ikeda was too focused on and obsessed with HIMSELF - his power, his prestige, his wealth, his status, his fame, his renown, HIM becoming leader of the world, his PERMANENCY, and his legacy. He refused to let anyone else come anywhere CLOSE to the power and control - he greedily, selfishly clutched it all tightly to himself and refused to share.
THAT is why the Ikeda cult Soka Gakkai/SGI is aging and dying. It's ALL Ikeda's fault, Ikeda's responsibility. IKEDA DID THAT.
Some "mentor". Source

SGI-USA has never managed to recover from that demographic bottleneck that happened no later than 1983.

I want to talk about what ebony prince showed us because a lot of people aren’t picking up what he’s putting down and I want to fill you in a little bit.
When he posted the Kaspia, which is the Mark hotel which Drake would frequent and was seen that night with Christopher Alveraz the special needs guy (I’ll tell you what I think later but I am going to reference back to this)
I want you to look up, page 92 of Jeffery Epsteins black book. And you will see the Mark Hotel. Here I’ll post the link for you. https://epsteinsblackbook.com/names/mark-hotel
That’s another note. That just makes me believe that Drake has ties with elite pedophiles (doesn’t he have a rich baby daddy named Lucian grainge) But these are the types of people that had ties with Jeffery Epstein.
When ebony prince posted the picture of the unclaimed diamonds for the hotel.. what came to me was, when you are giving someone gifts for sexual favors and not actually exchanging money is it actually legally considered prostitution?? It’s a perfect way not to leave a paper trail because pulling and exchanging money with bank transactions will all lead back to the person if the victims ever come forward.
Ebony the hotel worker saw the diamonds and thought that they would come back and claim them but they didn’t you want to know why? Because if some girl comes back and says “they made me do this and this and was going to give me X type of jewelry” and then the police run down on them and find the jewelry the victim was speaking about, it could initially implement them. This is why we are probably never going to hear about an actual lawsuit being filed against ebony other than probably a cease and desist because more truth can come to light and by him posting that jewelry who knows maybe someone that was there will see it and fill in the pieces.
I also think that Drake is the fall man and when his security guard got shot up that was not from Kendrick but from UMG elites telling him he will be the fall guy when this castle crumbles. and this was a message to him saying we know where you stay at we know where you lay we know everything, don’t try to implement us or point the finger.
It’s quite obvious Drake is a pedophile and is constantly grooming girls. Look at this photo taken of 13 year old Millie Bobbi brown on a yacht.
https://images.app.goo.gl/rBfkXCW6ZUXS5TnR9
He likes them young, and is definitely someone I would not trust around any children. Why is he hanging out with Christopher Alvarez in a hotel room? The interview of Christopher Alvarez where he says the listened to beats and did things that he can’t disclose.. sounds like he signed a NDA and got paid to be plowed by Drake. He’s stuck in a body of a 9 month old, and he probably has no feeling down there. If you don’t think these people are demonic and evil then you need to open your eyes. These people are monsters!!!!
https://www.complex.com/music/a/alex-ocho/reporter-denies-he-was-assaulted-by-drake-anonymous-claims
I want to know what you guys think. And notice: it’s mostly woman’s jewelry. In ebonys picture.
I think the riddle that he was letting you all know was that Drake is guilty of being a pedophile nasty perverted person, while under the guise of being this all great superstar. I see through the BS with his actions and anyone that is in tune can see it from miles away. What’s your thoughts? All is welcomed here.

Hi, I’m a first time Reddit user but I’m an avid watcher of the Charlotte Dobre channel. I wanted to write this out, potentially Risking people involved seeing it. It was a lot at first now it’s very comical.
It begins when my boyfriend (m22) and I (f22) found out we were pregnant and we were looking for a place to live. His mom found us a place with her aunt, so his great aunt. It was to help us save money in order to find a decent place for ourselves. My boyfriend was really busy with work and she was getting frustrated that he wasn’t responding to her in time so I took it upon myself to introduce myself and see if her and I could talk about details considering he was super busy. She was rude to begin with, but she’s an older lady. I brush it off and just stayed as respectful as I could. I was telling her what a great opportunity and that I appreciate her helping us out and I will get my boyfriend to try and reach out because she was adamant that she did not want to communicate with me about the process. Fast forward us moving in she gets out a lined piece of paper and writes out the most vague landlord-tenant contract. There were no specific rules or items that would protect us in this instant I’m about to talk about. It rubbed me the wrong way. My boyfriend signed it with out questions. Another red flag was she didn’t want me to sign it because she didn’t want to acknowledge that I was gonna live there too. First month goes by and we are $100 short on rent which she excuses after an apology however, she makes my boyfriend write a letter talking about how he’s going to do better to never be late on rent again as if he’s a high school child. I thought it was a bit extreme considering we’re adults, she’s not his mother and we paid her for the remainder of the rent we missed. But I let it go because we really needed this place. a month later, she gets mad at me for not having found a job yet even though we just moved a month ago and I’m pregnant and it’s hard to find jobs when you are visibly pregnant. I understand that they can’t deny you if you’re pregnant but that doesn’t mean they cant find a different excuse to not hire you. She is yelling at me and I decide I’ve had enough because of her being disrespectful and coming at me after not taking time to get to know me and throwing out a bunch of insults that don’t make sense. So I close my bedroom door to get away from her and she walks in opening the door and I told her that she had no right to do that. She said it was her place and I said I pay rent and I’ve lived here long enough that if I called the cops she would get in trouble so she apologized in a very Karen way then she goes off on how I was in foster care as a child and she knows “my people” have behavioral problems. A few months after that, I stopped talking to her, but she decides to tell us that our shower is leaking in to her garage which we are not allowed to be in. She starts hounding us about how could we not know that our shower is leaking. again we’re not allowed in the garage. We never saw leak. How do we know our showers leaking if the leak is underneath our shower and we’re not allowed in the garage. Also she wouldn’t give us a 24 hour notice before just walking into our apartment unannounced. She walked in on me in my underwear multiple times. She didn’t announce herself and just walked in. And because the shower was leaking she decided to take our shower head which is incredibly illegal and I tried telling my boyfriend that, but he was trying to keep the peace. I was livid because in the state that I live in, If you were going to request a tenant does not use their own shower. You have to provide a shower for them to use it while it’s getting fixed. Another time she bard he’s in to yell at us for leaving lint dust on the dryer. And another instance where she turned to water off without telling us in advance. I told my boyfriend to talk to her and she said she yelled up the stairs that it would be shut off even tho I was awake and never heard her do that. She told my boyfriend that she wanted to have a talk with me about how disrespectful I am, apparently she heard me talking to my mom about how rude she is and thought that I wasn’t allowed to do that. Even though I hadn’t said anything to her since our last argument after she talked about me being in foster care, which come to find out my boyfriend’s mom told her I was in foster care because she didn’t think it was a big deal but clearly Karen used it to her advantage. She was yelling at me talking about how disrespectful I am even though I had been quiet then when she asked me a question and I answered it, she flipped out saying I thought you were going to be quiet and I told her that I wasn’t gonna let her talk to me that way because I’m not her child and I’m an adult and she has no right to talk to me like that , she got angry that I wasn’t letting her talk to me like that so while I was seated in my chair seven months pregnant, she stood up and got in my face like she was about to strike me. My boyfriend stood between us and told her to sit down and I told her that we’re done with the conversation. she said that she wanted me off her property right now and she was going to call the police. I told her to go ahead that I had mail sent here and that I paid rent and she can’t kick me out without a 30 day notice. so she calls my boyfriends mom and says that she needs to come take me off of her property right now. I told her she can call whoever she wants, but nobody can forcibly take me off the property because I live there as a tenant and I had my rights regardless if my name was on the contract or not. finally my boyfriend to calm her down, agreed that we would leave in two weeks which enraged me because legally she needed to give us a 30 day notice. after the two weeks she willingly let me and my boyfriend live in our car while I was eight months pregnant. we moved out the day of my baby shower and his mother has a spare bedroom didn’t even offer to take us. We lived in our car for two weeks before my sister gave up her seven year-old daughters bedroom just so that I could have my baby in a safe environment. My boyfriend and I argued about the way he took their sides and how it made me feel. Eventually we came to an understanding and we’re doing a lot better now. I’m cordial with his mother even though I still don’t agree with what happened considering she on the day of the baby shower, decided to go to the beach with the woman that kicked her son and her daughter-in-law and future grandchild out instead of going to the baby shower. I do not talk to the aunt. She is an awful person. I do not wish ill on her but I would laugh if something bad happened. Call me morbid.

I’m not sure how to explain this succinctly, so bear with me for a moment.
While questioning my diagnosis, something that struck me is that allistic people seem to primarily like TV shows that are popular locally. Lately, for example, everyone is getting into the Fallout live action, but I’ve previously seen this play out with Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, and other things. I’ve even seen it happen with things I’ve been surprised to see get popular locally, such as Squid Game, which seems to be in part due to the popularity of Netflix.
In contrast, I’ve rarely enjoyed what’s popular locally and have always kind of just done my own thing. For example, I was mainly interested in anime & manga as a kid and this often came across as “weird” to my peers. I didn’t understand why it was weird at the time, but in hindsight, perhaps it’s because because the medium wasn’t popular locally at the time and thus society almost discouraged my allistic peers from engaging with it. My interests have since expanded as an adult and I do find myself watching stuff that’s locally popular on occasion, but I think I kind of developed a love for eastern media as a kid that never went away and still often find myself enjoying things the locals haven’t heard of.
If I expand this to other areas, this seems to be even more the case. I know special interests aren’t always “weird,” but I think the ones that are considered weird stand out precisely because these interests exist almost in the face of societal influence. For example, “liking trains” is considered weird because most people don’t take an active interest in trains and it thus doesn’t provide any social benefit.
Even if I’m looking at more stereotypically nerdy and socially awkward allistic people, I’m noticing their interests seem heavily influenced by their peers. For example, magic the gathering is very popular in some circles, and a group I know was really into Monster Hunter for a while. I’m also seeing this play out with single player games like Elden Ring, where certain groups will all get really into Elden Ring and then all talk about Elden Ring.
Anyway, am I onto something here? The definition for autism is so vague that it can feel hard to tell what exactly the difference between autistic and allistic is sometimes.

Hey there, my name’s Tom and as my title suggests, I’m a 27 year old white guy from the U.K, I’m about 6’2 (so I’m good at reaching for things off high shelves when needed) and admittedly kinda chubby but it’s something I’m working on. I don’t mind sharing pics once we get talking and a connection has been established, but anonymity is something that’s quite important to me for the most part, also I do have kind of a baby-face just so you’re aware. I’m an INFJ if that means anything to you. I’ve got two dogs and will happily share pics of them. I will say I’m fully monogamous and lean more towards wanting kids at some point in life, but I’m in no rush to do so.
In terms of my personality, I’m quite honest but without being overly blunt or rude, I’m fiercely loyal, maybe even to the point where it becomes a negative. I’d say I’ve got a really good sense of humour which is mainly sarcastic, self-deprecating and can at times be incredibly dark but can throw the odd dad joke or shitty pun in when I think of a good one. I’m very emotionally aware and not afraid to share how I’m feeling, I’m also a hopeless romantic I’m looking for ‘the one’ and nothing less. I’d say my best trait is my ability to communicate, don’t get me wrong if I don’t really feel a spark it can feel like pulling teeth, but if there is a spark I’m the type of guy that can hold a conversation for hours and to be honest I can usually tell instantly who I will and won’t have a spark with.
I’m a PC gamer and have built my own machine as well as a few others. I’ve been playing a bit of Minecraft and messing around with a switch emulator over the last 2 weeks or so but do play other stuff as well. It’d be cool if you also enjoyed playing games and wanted to play co-op/multiplayer stuff.
My biggest passion though is without a doubt music. It’s something that’s always been a part of my life, and it’s something I don’t think I’d be the same without. My Spotify is my place of solace, it’s where I go when I’m feeling down, when I need to think about the future or reflect on the past. I’ve also started collecting CDs and vinyls this year and I’ve got a good idea of what I want to buy already. In terms of music genres I’m into I’d say mainly rock, rap and a bit of indie. Off the top of my head a few artists I really like are; Panic at the Disco, Post Malone, Juice Wrld, The 1975, Bring me the Horizon, Nirvana, A Day to Remember and Tame Impala, so if you’re into similar music I’ll have plenty of stuff to share with you.
One thing I’ve got quite into over the past few years is typology. So Astrology, MBTI and that sort of thing, it fascinates me how certain people think, process information and situations in general life. I won’t go into this too much because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but if something you’ve never looked into, and it interests you I’ll be happy to introduce you into it while we get to know each other.
I’m also quite into the paranormal, more-so aliens/extraterrestrials and unsolved mysteries, I could probably find some interest in true crime, but honestly I’ve never looked into any. Again, if you’re into that type of thing too, I could definitely recommend you a few documentaries on YouTube that are fascinating.
It’s probably also worth noting I do struggle with my mental health and I’ve also recently been diagnosed with high functioning autism, but I can go into that kinda stuff more if necessary
So if you’re still reading, I’m going to assume you’re interested or just really enjoy short novels but if you could let me know what games you’re into or if you’re not a gamer just your favourite album/artist. Low effort replies get low effort conversation.

Hey there, my name’s Tom and as my title suggests, I’m a 27 year old white guy from the U.K, I’m about 6’2 (so I’m good at reaching for things off high shelves when needed) and admittedly kinda chubby but it’s something I’m working on. I don’t mind sharing pics once we get talking and a connection has been established, but anonymity is something that’s quite important to me for the most part, also I do have kind of a baby-face just so you’re aware. I’m an INFJ if that means anything to you. I’ve got two dogs and will happily share pics of them. I will say I’m fully monogamous and lean more towards wanting kids at some point in life, but I’m in no rush to do so.
In terms of my personality, I’m quite honest but without being overly blunt or rude, I’m fiercely loyal, maybe even to the point where it becomes a negative. I’d say I’ve got a really good sense of humour which is mainly sarcastic, self-deprecating and can at times be incredibly dark but can throw the odd dad joke or shitty pun in when I think of a good one. I’m very emotionally aware and not afraid to share how I’m feeling, I’m also a hopeless romantic I’m looking for ‘the one’ and nothing less. I’d say my best trait is my ability to communicate, don’t get me wrong if I don’t really feel a spark it can feel like pulling teeth, but if there is a spark I’m the type of guy that can hold a conversation for hours and to be honest I can usually tell instantly who I will and won’t have a spark with.
I’m a PC gamer and have built my own machine as well as a few others. I’ve been playing a bit of Minecraft and messing around with a switch emulator over the last 2 weeks or so but do play other stuff as well. It’d be cool if you also enjoyed playing games and wanted to play co-op/multiplayer stuff.
My biggest passion though is without a doubt music. It’s something that’s always been a part of my life, and it’s something I don’t think I’d be the same without. My Spotify is my place of solace, it’s where I go when I’m feeling down, when I need to think about the future or reflect on the past. I’ve also started collecting CDs and vinyls this year and I’ve got a good idea of what I want to buy already. In terms of music genres I’m into I’d say mainly rock, rap and a bit of indie. Off the top of my head a few artists I really like are; Panic at the Disco, Post Malone, Juice Wrld, The 1975, Bring me the Horizon, Nirvana, A Day to Remember and Tame Impala, so if you’re into similar music I’ll have plenty of stuff to share with you.
One thing I’ve got quite into over the past few years is typology. So Astrology, MBTI and that sort of thing, it fascinates me how certain people think, process information and situations in general life. I won’t go into this too much because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but if something you’ve never looked into, and it interests you I’ll be happy to introduce you into it while we get to know each other.
I’m also quite into the paranormal, more-so aliens/extraterrestrials and unsolved mysteries, I could probably find some interest in true crime, but honestly I’ve never looked into any. Again, if you’re into that type of thing too, I could definitely recommend you a few documentaries on YouTube that are fascinating.
It’s probably also worth noting I do struggle with my mental health and I’ve also recently been diagnosed with high functioning autism, but I can go into that kinda stuff more if necessary
So if you’re still reading, I’m going to assume you’re interested or just really enjoy short novels but if you could let me know what games you’re into or if you’re not a gamer just your favourite album/artist. Low effort replies get low effort conversation.

Out of all the children's shows created by any network in the past decade, I have never seen such a creative series as the Owl House! While I have not been able to watch the entire series, the Owl House fandom wiki helped me get up to speed (fyi: I saw only S1E1, S2E9, and all of season 3). I decided to invest some time into this series thanks to the roar it has created on my Disney parks fan forum, and on the Disney Television Animation Insta. Let me break it down:
Art/Animation:
Very fun, surrealistic animation that reminds me of Dali and Japanese anime, the animation is very creative and imaginative, and I would love to get a panoramic poster of the Boiling Isles on my wall! I love the minimalistic character design, in that it is not the 3D Pixar style animation I was used to when I was a kid in the late 2000s-early 2010s ( which is why I loved the expressionist Mickey Mouse cartoons 2013-2023). While my style of horror is more Lovecraftian and science-fiction in nature, I can appreciate the macabre from time to time (shoutout to Walt Disney's Haunted Mansion!).
Themes and Storytelling:
While I cannot speak for all of season 1 or 2, season 3 was very well thought out, following a classic three act format. I also loved the shoutout to the pseudo-Star Trek series Luz's mother watched (I am a Star Trek Fan). While I could not originally stomach the awkwardness of the pilot, it later grew onto me, and I decided to give it another shot on Disney's official Youtube (where I watched all of the episodes I was able to watch, I cancelled D+ due to budget reasons). Season 2, Episode 9 was a fun romp, and reminded me of the adventures of Star Wars Rebels or Avatar: TLA, where a "filler episode" would later have large consequences for the future.
I also am similar to the "weirdos" that the characters in TOH characterize themselves as thanks to my slight neurodivergence, unconventional political and social positions, and I am an old soul (my favorite artists include Nat King Cole, Blondie, Billy Joel, and The Clash). So, I didn't have many friends in elementary-high school, but they were similar to the personalities of the characters in TOH. I knew Willow, Luz, Gus, and Amity in my life as types of people that I was friends with. I am also intrigued by the government of the Boiling Isles (BI), which appears to be a totalitarian state, similar to the USSR or Germany in the 30s and 40s, with a charismatic dictator, who is bent on total societal control to the point that it is ridiculous, even by Orwellian standards. I imagine the team started a democracy after the overthrow of Belos. My only knock on the themes of this series is 1) This should have been an adult cartoon because of how mature it is for a TV-Y7 rating, and 2) I have some disagreements with the series' philosophies due to some of my spiritual convictions, but I think that it is necessary to engage in disagreeable art.
World Building:
The BI is one of the best created worlds for a series or work of media ever, in that there is a well detailed place, with its own society, government, natural fauna and flora, and highly detailed environment. The people that live there interest me the most. The "witches" appearance remind me of a lighter skinned version of the Vulcans, their society in Belos' era is structurally rigid despite being progressive in other regards, and their cuisine looks about as tasty as stinky tofu (I have tried, it was a bad experience). I find it odd that the other major intelligent species on the Isles, Demons, are called such despite not possessing people or being of a spiritual nature. I think a more accurate name for them would be "trolls" or "monsters", but that's just my opinion.
Overall:
I enjoyed what little I watched of this series, and I hope that more series like it can be created as it has a creative vitality that is unmatched in all of animation. We need more series like these, especially when creativity is given a blank cheque for freedom. Thanks for reading!

My best friend told me we couldn’t be friends right now because I’m at the point In my pregnancy where I’m a “bitch” and she doesn’t want to jeopardize us getting into a fight and her not being able to see my son after he’s born.
Some back story because it’s needed: I lost my first baby when I was 35 weeks pregnant, he was born sleeping. I gave birth to him the day after they told me there was no heart beat. When I gave birth to him I was alone in the hospital, nobody there with me until 45 minutes after. They kept my son for 5 hours trying to figure out what happened to him and couldn’t find anything. Once they brought him back to me they only let me hold him for an hour before having to take him back. It was traumatizing, every second, I was 21 and it sent me down a really bad path. I didn’t want to live, I drank, I smoked, I snorted, I parachuted, I did anything I could to try and numb my pain. Nothing worked. My best friend tried to be there for me until I started doing the things I was doing then she was nowhere to be found. I fell in love with a man who made me feel again 2 years later. He made me happy with no drugs or drinking. So I cold turked everything and moved to his state with him. She was against it, she was mad at me for moving away. I was happy, I felt loved, I felt like everything was going to be okay. I got pregnant 3 months in. I was so scared!! I lashed out on him, he didn’t understand my pain, but he was there for me every step of the way. I wasn’t nice to anyone while I was pregnant, if you said one thing wrong I would explode. It was a horrible pregnancy not only for me but for those who loved me as well.* My best friend and I got into a couple fights but she was pregnant with her daughter when I gave birth to my son so she couldn’t make it up to meet him. Fast forward 3 years and I was about to give birth to my daughter, (my best friend married my brother and they have 2 kids) I told my brother that if they wanted to come up and see my daughter before she was 6 months they needed to get the tdap shot. She blew up about it saying it’s bullshit and she shouldn’t have to do it and that it’s messed up I’m even asking them to. So I said that’s fine you just won’t see my daughter until after she’s 6 months. (My kid my rules) (I did the same thing for my son as well) whatever right? I didn’t make it into a big thing but she did. I’m pregnant right now with a little boy and I’m due 2 weeks after the birthday of my first son. I’m not in a good head space. I will be giving birth 1 week after the birthday of my first son (the doctors won’t let me go full term but will let me get to 39 weeks before inducing) my head is all over the place, I hate myself, I have so many things in my head but I keep it all to myself. I don’t lash out on anyone and I’ve been keeping to my self since my bestfriend said we couldn’t be friends right now because I’m at the point in my pregnancy that I’m a bitch and she doesn’t want to jeopardize not being able to see my son when he’s born. But at this point it really hurts me because I feel like this is the time I need my people. My second sons birthday is in March, my daughters birthday is in February my first sons birthday is in July and that’s when I’m due. I’ve never had to do this, it’s just so close to his birthday and on those days I’m usually a complete mess and I don’t do anything and now I’m supposed to give birth a week later and I don’t have my so called bestfriend anymore because I’m a “bitch” when I’m this far into my pregnancy? (She said that to me when I was 28 weeks I’m now 31 weeks) I feel like it’s understandable that I’m not the best pregnant person when I get this far… but I’m not lashing out on anyone I’ve been keeping to myself. So I honestly don’t know why she said that to me. My pregnancy with my daughter I wasn’t mean to anyone. But at this point I feel like I’m not going to invite her to come after my son is born because if you can’t be there for me through this really fucking hard time why do you get to see the amazing thing I create? I’m not sure how to approach this with her..
I’m sorry this post is all over the place, pregnancy brain is crazy. Thank you to whoever reads everything and can understand my rambling.

The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing “Disneyland dad who doesn’t do any of the work but gets all the fun.” my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad won’t butt in because he isn’t my “biological father” so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad “wants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.” Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for “ruining her last family vacation.” Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wife’s ear and tells her privately along the lines of “you deprived our family of our last family vacation.” During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife “will be the photographer for it.” Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs don’t get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we can’t trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we won’t board 4 dogs it’s too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and it’s just annoying, so we say forget it and don’t go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my mom’s new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I don’t know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wife’s mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied “oh, son, I raised you better than that.” Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is “overly sensitive, dramatic, and childish” for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in mom’s side. Wife and I stay at father’s side cabin with just his wife. His Wife’s 3 daughters and family’s stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. We’re loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in mother’s cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Father’s wife’s daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasn’t sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath “fucking assholes, so typical,” and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here “it’s ok I will call and add you two it’s no big deal.” So we continue packing the car and realize we won’t all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, “no you go with the father.” Wife says “no I am going to ride with my husband” mom gets close to her face with her finger and says “this is my car, you can fucking Uber!” Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wife’s face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. I’m trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because she’s “new here” (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife “I’m sorry you get so upset” and my wife told her “that is not an apology.” The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. We’re not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know what’s going on. So I text mom I’m at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasn’t gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone else’s phone it clearly reads “(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.” Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me “enough.” Grandma says “shame on you.” I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomy’s are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it don’t rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend it’s cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldn’t even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I can’t sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wife’s family, then thinking about how my own mother hasn’t reached out a single time. I’m dreaming about beating up my stepdad and it’s driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for what’s happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Mom’s responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom won’t say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved… for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two can’t get along. I don’t think it will happen.

I’m 24f and I have one more year of grad school left. It’s always been hard for me to make friends. Even the friends I do have, I just feel like they think I’m weird and they feel bad for me.
I immigrated here when I was in the 6th grade. All throughout middle & high school, I was picked up immediately after school (I joined sports, so immediately after practice), couldn’t have my phone with me at night (until the end of my senior year lmao), only hung out with people outside of school 1-2 times a MONTH, have only been able to “sleep over” at a friend’s place once or twice ever, it was “wrong” to bring people to my place bc it was my “family’s” place and my parents couldn’t “relax” if a friend was over (my parents and my friends have never been in the same house before bc I never could bring anyone over), I was expected to be in the living room at almost all times & couldn’t really be in my room with the door shut, I couldn’t even go to a 7/11 by myself. Idk I just remember telling people I had really really strict parents. I almost feel crazy writing this because I feel like they never actually told me any of that and I just chose to do all that. But the more I get older, the more I feel like my I just never got a chance to make friends and develop friendships. Thankfully I always had 1-2 close friends throughout middle-high school. And all throughout college, I mean I have some friends, but I have a hard time deepening friendships.
I get jealous when I see other people’s old videos of their childhood friends and them hanging out like normal kids. I wish I got to go outside my house more and hang out with people outside of school and sports more. I sound like such a baby, and I’m an adult now, but I just feel like it’s impacting me. I never thought it would, but I just wish I was normal.
I think I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that my family was not normal. I never wanted to admit it, but as much as my parents love me and tried their best, I do think they messed me up. From my parent’s overprotection to their anxiety that something was going to happen to me to my dad’s anger to getting berated for 6 hours straight for something small and pretending like it didn’t bother me, and I have never voiced this to my parents.
My parents are different people now. Much calmer, my sister is still in highschool and it seems like she live a more normal life, going out with friends, and I know I shouldn’t be but I’m jealous of that. My boyfriend thinks I should bring this up to them, but my parents and I just don’t have that kind of relationship. We don’t “talk” like that and I don’t want to hurt them especially because they tried their best. We were so poor when we first came to the US and we were going through it together along with getting familiarized to living in a whole new country.
But sometimes I just wish I could have the heart to just let this all out. I have literally never acted out against my parents. I just wish I had a more normal teenage life and just did whatever I wanted to do. I was always so scared of them. And idk I feel like I started writing about friendships and it came to this haha, but now mostly friendship is impacting me the most, I feel.
I have a boyfriend of like 2 years and 4 months. I’ve slowly been telling him stuff, but I’m scared to reveal my whole self. He’s probably gonna think I’m not actually the girl he thought I was.
It’s just hard because I try to tell myself affirmations and listen to audio books and keep telling myself these advice throughout the day to feel good. But why can’t I just be normal. I wish I just had a normal childhood.
I started seeing a free therapist a few weeks back and it’s been helpful a little, but eventually I want to find one I could pay for. Also, I moved out when I was 18 (dorms my first year, and apartments since then. I tried moving back in during COVID, and I left after 5 months haha), and see my parents 3-4 times a year. Just a random fact. I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice, but I don’t want people to feel bad for me. I just wanted to voice that I feel lonely, and I just wish I had a normal upbringing. Is anyone in a similar situation as me?

“Ready to make history, baby?”
I looked over toward Sheila as she stood on the gangplank leading up to The Burger. I still couldn’t believe she named our research ship ‘The Burger’... emotional relevance be damned.
“It's not exactly history,” I corrected.
“Oh come on! If your survey is right, this trench might run even deeper than the Challenger Deep, and you’re gonna be the first person to explore it! How is that not exciting?”
“Might be deeper, we only have a limited amount of topological data. And even if it is deeper, we’re talking only a few hundred feet at most, it’s really not that im-”
Sheila silenced me with a kiss.
“Nerd.” She teased, and I found myself too flustered to reply. After five years of marriage, she still could leave me speechless with just a kiss. God… how did someone like me end up with a woman like that?
Then again, how did someone like me end up where I was in general? It was honestly a little overwhelming. Standing on the dock, getting ready to board that ship and join the ranks of Jacques Piccard and James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron) as one of the few people to take a manned submersible down to the deepest parts of the ocean. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared too. Diving down that deep could easily be a one way trip if even the slightest thing went wrong. My submarine would be experiencing between 600 to 1100 atmospheres of pressure and while we’d tested it over and over again to make sure it would actually be up for the challenge, there was still a lingering iota of doubt in the back of my mind. All that needed to go wrong was one little thing, and that would be it for me.
The scariest part is that I probably wouldn’t even know what had happened… I’d simply be gone… and Sheila would be alone. The thought of that caused a momentary spike of panic in my chest that almost made me want to call this whole thing off.
Almost.
But, then I felt her hand close around mine. I looked up into her bright blue eyes, and saw her gentle smile.
“You’re gonna be okay, hun,” She promised. “You and your team have been running the numbers, right? It’s gonna go just fine!”
I nodded slowly.
“It’s gonna go fine…” I repeated, before she leaned in to kiss me, and gently pulled me by the wrist up onto the deck of the Burger.
She was probably right.
It probably would be fine.
Probably…
The trench I’d be exploring was a fairly recent discovery, located south of Greenland, in a vast stretch of water situated directly between Newfoundland and Iceland. It’d been uncovered during a topological survey in the area, and my team had taken an interest in investigating it further. At minimum, it was believed to descend to about 35,000 feet deep (over 10,000 meters), although the current theory was that it might have run even deeper. Determining the exact depth of the yet unnamed chasm was just one of the intents of our dive. The rest was studying the organisms that might be found down there, and how they might have differed from the ones found in other deep ocean trenches (some variation being expected given the isolated environment they were developing in.)
I had to admit, it would be exciting to see what new life might have developed in a place such as this, especially if it ran even deeper than our predictions… and that excitement was enough to make me chase the fear of the risks out of my mind, even if it was only briefly. While Sheila went to make sure we were ready to embark, I caught myself wandering out toward the rear of the ship where my submarine, The Tempura, waited for me. Did this submarine deserve a better name than The Tempura? Probably. But, this was my project, so I got to name it and since Burger was already taken, Tempura was the next best name I had. I liked to think that the subs namesake might approve… if she hadn’t died fifteen years ago. Shrimp don’t live very long.
As the ship began to depart, I caught myself reminiscing on how I’d ended up here… it really was all because of those damn shrimp, wasn’t it? Well… maybe not all because of the shrimp. But they were certainly part of it. Back when I was a lot younger, I never really gave much of a shit about anything at all. I guess I did have a thing for the ocean… the great, romantic vastness of it. The sense of adventure that it beckoned with. The endless mysteries that lay within its dark depths. I used to read about it all the time when I was a kid and I especially loved the classic adventures: Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and Melville’s Moby Dick… but that love was just confined to my books. I didn’t really have any interest in actually going out and seeing the ocean. Hell, the idea of going to a beach and standing in the sun with my toes in the sand seemed miserable to me. I was happier (although calling myself happy might’ve been a little disingenuous) alone in my room, enjoying the company of books as opposed to people.
Then came the shrimp.
One of my online friends kept them as a hobby. He used to post pictures of his tanks all the time, and I always thought they looked kinda cool. He said that if I was interested in them, I should try keeping some for myself, and during a particularly bad bout of depression, I figured that maybe it might be worth a shot. So, I bought a cheap tank and some cheap decorations, bought myself some shrimp… and promptly watched them die over the next few weeks. That… that bothered me. I don’t know why but… it really bothered me. I’m still not entirely sure how to describe what it was that I was feeling. Guilt? Defeat? Shame? Here I was, trying to set up a habitat for these creatures just to have something to do to keep the suicidal ideation at bay, and I’d failed almost right out of the gate.
Was I just that bad? Was I just that much of a failure? Was this just going to go to shit just like everything else in my life did, because I was just such an abysmal piece of shit who barely deserved the life she had? Had I just not tried hard enough? Was I too apathetic? What had happened? What went wrong?
It bothered me.
It bothered me enough that I made up my mind to just dump the remaining shrimp down the toilet and toss everything. Forget about it. Move on. End of story. But… that wasn’t fair, was it? The shrimp didn’t all deserve to die just because I couldn’t be bothered, did they? Sure, they were just shrimp, but they were alive too, just like me. They deserved to be alive.
I owed it to them to try and keep them alive, didn’t I?
So… I didn’t dump the shrimp.
Instead, I started doing some reading. Started looking into what I was doing wrong and how to do it all better. I actually got really into it and a few months later, I had a nice planted tank. Looking back, it was amateur shit… but it made me happy. I’d even picked out names for my two favorite shrimp. Burger and Tempura. They’d been the last survivors of my original batch, and they were the ones I ended up caring about the most. Caring for Burger and Tempura gave me a purpose. It became an obsession… and that little obsession drove me to finally start turning my life around.
Like I said, shrimp don’t live for very long. Burger and Tempura were long dead by the time I graduated with a degree in Marine Biology. But they were the ones who inspired me to finally get my life in order. Hell, the shrimp were half the reason that I met Sheila. She was something of an aquarium fanatic too… we’d met on a forum, and gotten to talking. I found out that she just so happened to be studying Marine Biology at another school, and we bonded pretty quickly after that. After graduation, I moved to California to be with her and after that, the rest is history. She was my rock. She was the one who always pushed me to be the best possible version of myself… and I loved her more than I ever knew I could love someone.
A glance back at the shore, fading into the distance tore me out of my reminiscing, and I shifted my focus to the present, going over The Tempura to perform some quick checks. My colleagues and I would be checking and rechecking the submarine over the next two days as we made our way toward the dive spot. Considering the danger that descending that deep posed, I didn’t want to take a single unnecessary risk.
I had too much to live for, after all.
***
The day of the dive, I couldn’t notice how excited the rest of the crew seemed… well… Sheila’s usual crew seemed excited. I guess to them, this was just another research expedition, no different than the ones Sheila usually took this ship out on. Lately her research had been focused on the analysis and study of whale calls. Her recent voyages had involved following their pods, recording their calls and playing them back to see how the whales reacted. It was fascinating stuff, but my research was admittedly a lot different than that.
My obsession had drawn me to the denizens of the deep sea. I’d used The Burger for expeditions before, although none of them had been on quite the same scale as this one. Up until today, the most ambitious thing I’d done was send down unmanned submersibles with cameras. Those submersibles had typically returned. We had lost a few early on due to technical glitches, but the past few years had been blissfully uneventful. Logically, this dive would probably be uneventful as well. But it was still hard to get the jitters out of my head.
My team and I did the final checks necessary to make sure that The Tempura was good to go, before setting up the crane to begin lifting it up. In less than an hour, I’d be inside of that thing, descending to the darkest depths of the ocean.
It didn’t feel real.
I felt Sheila’s hand on my shoulder, and looked over at her.
“Moment of truth, huh?” She asked. She probably meant it to sound encouraging, but it just sounded ominous.
“Moment of truth…” I replied.
“You’re gonna be okay, honey. I know you will.”
She reached out to gently squeeze my hand and gave me a reassuring smile that I meekly returned.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay,” I agreed, although there was an element of a lie in it. Statistically, yes. It probably WOULD be okay. But there was that lingering anxiety in the back of my mind that just wouldn’t go away. I looked quietly out at the submarine before me and couldn’t shake the thought that it sort of looked like a giant coffin. Unconsciously, I found myself squeezing Sheila’s hand tighter than normal. She just held me close and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, before gently rubbing my back.
“You’ll be okay,” She promised.
“Dr. Jenner, we’re ready for you.” I heard one of my colleagues say.
Moment of truth.
I took one last look at Sheila, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips for luck. She smiled at me, and I smiled back anxiously at her before heading over toward the submarine.
The crew helped me enter the cockpit and get myself situated inside. The cockpit of the Tempura was fairly cramped and not particularly comfortable. Space and comfort aren’t really luxuries you can afford in a submarine like this. The instruments I needed took up a lot of space, leaving little room for me in there… and I am not a very big person.
Once I was inside, they sealed the hatch. Then the diagnostics checks began.
“Grayson, can you hear us in there?” I heard Sheila say through the radio.
“Loud and clear,” I replied.
“Great. We’ll keep in constant radio contact, just to monitor the signal. In the meanwhile, how’s everything looking in there?”
“Green across the board so far,” I said, although I hadn’t finished running all my final checks yet. Ultimately, nothing was out of place.
This submarine was as good to go as it was going to get.
“I’m all good in here,” I said once I was done. “You can drop me when you’re ready.”
“You got it, honey. Let’s get you in the water, run one final round of tests and start lowering you down.”
A short while later, I felt the submarine begin to move as the crane lifted it off the deck and lowered it into the water. The Tempura honestly resembled its namesake in a way, being long and cigar shaped, only vertically oriented instead of horizontally oriented. We’d admittedly taken more than a few design cues from James Cameron’s Deepsea Challenger. Why fix what isn’t broken, after all?
Once I was in the water, a 1000 pound releasable ballast weight would cause the submarine to sink. Releasing that weight was also my ticket back to the surface, and I could either trigger it from inside the cockpit, or, in the event that the release failed for any reason, it would trigger automatically after roughly 12 hours of exposure to salt water.
Ideally, this would be the first of a number of dives I’d be undertaking… and if all went according to plan, the Tempura could be the first of many similar submarines that would allow other researchers to safely and effectively descend to extreme depths. If all went well, this could be a massive leap forward for researchers like me, allowing us to better explore the deepest depths of the Hadal Zone and learn all we could about the ecosystems down there via direct observation.
If all went well.
If.
Through the viewport, I watched as I was lowered into the ocean. A few of the other crew members had donned diving gear to escort me down, and after they did their final checks and I did mine, we were fully ready to go.
“All’s green across the board,” I said into the radio. “You can start my descent.”
“I hear you, honey,” Sheila replied. “We’re letting you go. Have fun down there.”
“Yeah, I’ll try…” I said quietly as finally, my submarine began its descent.
I took a deep breath, and told myself again that everything would go fine. We had checked everything on this submarine. We’d tested it rigorously. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to set foot inside of it if I hadn’t personally assured that it was safe. But anxiety never really goes away, does it? The crew couldn’t accompany me far. After only a few meters, they fell behind me as I sank deeper and deeper into the infinite, empty blue of the ocean. Soon after, the tether was released.
I was officially on my own.
“60 feet,” I heard Sheila say over the radio. “How are you doing in there?”
“Good,” I replied. “Doing… doing good.”
The submarine continued to descend. Through the viewport, I could see a few stray fish, but nothing particularly eye catching. I almost felt alone down there… almost…
“120 feet…” Sheila said.
“Still doing good,” I replied.
The descent continued, as the waters slowly grew darker and darker.
“400 feet…”
Everything around me just kept getting darker and darker. Only a fraction of the light from the sun ever reached these depths… and I’d be lying if I said that darkness didn’t feel a little… oppressive.
“800 feet… still feeling good?”
“Yeah, still feeling good…” I said, although it was a bit of a lie. If anything, I was second guessing all of this, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud.
“1000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…” I murmured. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Deeper… deeper… deeper.
“1500 feet…”
Three miles. I was three miles away from home. Three miles away from Sheila.
“2000 feet…”
Still a ways to go.
“3000 feet…”
By this point, it was fully dark outside of my cockpit. Outside, all I could see was inky darkness. Even the submarine’s lights didn’t really cut through it. And the kicker? Relatively speaking, I wasn’t that deep. Fishing trawlers reached deeper than this. Better to conserve power until I was at the bottom. My descent continued.
“6000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…”
The check ins were becoming less frequent. My descent still continued… deeper… deeper… deeper. By now, I’d entered the Hadal Zone. But there was still so much deeper o go.
“8000 feet…”
This was past the depths that most whales would dive to… and I still had a ways to go.
“10,000 feet.”
This was close to where the ocean floor usually bottomed out… and yet there was still so much further to go. No. I was really only a third of the way there. How long had it been?Not much had happened beyond my descent and a few sightings out of my viewport, but time had been passing. A glance at my watch confirmed it’d been almost an hour since I’d started to sink… and I knew I wasn’t even close to the bottom yet. The submarine continued to descend, sinking ever deeper as I dropped into an infinite darkness that few had ever dared to witness.
“15,000 feet.”
This check in came later than the others. At this point, Sheila and the crew must have figured that no news was good news, and they were right. I just continued to sink peacefully, down into the crushing depths of the ocean.
These were the depths that one might normally find deep sea fish… and yet I was going somewhere even deeper than that.
“20,000 feet…”
So close…
I continued to sink.
“25,000 feet.”
Soon… and finally…
“30,000 feet. You still doing alright, honey?”
“Yeah… yeah, I’m doing good,” I assured her. I was so close…
By this point, my real work had begun. I’d engaged the lights and begun documenting what little I could see using the on board cameras. Granted, there wasn’t much life at these depths and what little there was, was scarcely documented. Most of what was down here consisted of invertebrates and microscopic life that seemed to float past my viewport.
The light seemed to draw a few creatures in search of food. Small, hardy things that resembled shrimp.
“How’s it looking, Grayson?”
“Dark,” I said, half joking. “We’ve got some life… shrimp. They’re translucent. Can’t get a great look at them… but we’ll see what the cameras pick up.”
“They’ve recognized you as a friend,” Sheila said. I could almost see the smile on her lips as she said it.
“Yeah…” I replied, “Tempura sent them a message, told them I’d be down. How am I looking on depth?”
“35,000 feet… you seeing a bottom yet?”
“No… not that I would until I was there.”
“Damn… how deep does this go?”
“It can’t go that deep…” I murmured, although I really wasn’t so sure about that.
The submarine continued to sink…
36,000 feet…
37,000 feet…
38,000 feet… and then finally, just past the 39,000 foot mark, I finally saw solid ground below me.
Looking through my viewport, I could see a familiar dark brown diatomaceous sludge, covering the seafloor. Microscopic life, likely similar to what had been observed in other deep sea trenches, such as the Challenger Deep.
I needed to gather a sample.
As my submarine reached the bottom, I extended the mechanical arms, pressed flat against the surface of the Tempura, and opened the collection port near the bottom of the ship. Slowly, I sifted some of the sludge into the port. My disturbance of the seafloor kicked up a cloud of the microbial colony, and I could’ve sworn I saw something wiggling through the debris. A pale, white thing, perhaps some sort of sea cucumber? I hastily angled my submarines camera to try and catch a glimpse of it, before returning to my collection. Even in this forlorn place, there was still so much to see! And here I was… completely forgetting my fear as the excitement took hold of me! Few people had ever been down to these unfathomable depths… and yet here I was.
It didn’t feel real but it was! I had reached the deepest part of the ocean!
“How’s it going down there?” I heard Sheila ask. Her voice was a little garbled. The connection down here was faltering.
“It’s beautiful…” I said. “I can’t wait for you to see it!”
“I’ll bet…”
“I’m going to do a sweep of the area, see what samples I can gather,” I said. “What’s my time right now?”
“Three hours. You’ve got nine before your connection to the weight deteriorates and you start to ascend.”
“I’ll make the most of it,” I said. The plan was only to stay down there for six hours, and I didn’t want to push that limit. Life support would only last me for so long, and one little error was all it would take for the ungodly pressure down here to crush me.
I began to move the submarine. Mobility was limited. This thing wasn’t built to travel far. But I still had some limited movement. I recorded all that I could, filming the shrimp that investigated my light, and the things that slithered and crawled through the muck, likely feeding on the carpet of single celled organisms that populated these depths.
The first two hours were… well… I hesitate to call them uneventful, they were actually very fascinating, but little of note happened beyond my recording of a few specimens.
Midway through the third hour though, as I was reaching one of the rock walls of the abyss, I noticed something just above the edge of my viewport swimming away from the light. I could’ve sworn I saw slender, pale tentacles of some sort. Was that a squid? Were there squid down this deep? I wasn’t aware of any species of known squid who could reach these depths… but in this unknown place, what use was the known?
I moved my light and my camera to try and catch another glimpse of it, but whatever it was, it seemed to be gone. Maybe I’d see another one. I still had plenty of time.
“You made a noise. What’d you see?” Sheila asked.
“Something big… I think,” I said.
“Down there? Like a fish?”
“Squid. You wouldn’t find any vertebrates down this deep… the pressure would crush their bones.”
“Jeez…”
I didn’t reply to that, still searching for the thing I’d seen. I shone my light up along the walls of the chasm and angled my camera up as far as it would go. I could see a few volcanic vents, spewing dark clouds into the darkness, and more diatoms. But not much else. Strange invertebrates crawled along the walls. Small creatures, no bigger than an inch long. Related to isopods, perhaps? If I could collect one as a sample, I would have… although taking any of those back to the surface would surely kill them. They were built to live under the impossible pressure of these depths. Taking them to the surface would rip them apart.
I went back to my research, and it wasn’t long until I saw something in the darkness, just on the edge of where my flashlight reached. Trailing white tendrils, snaking their way through the darkness. My eyes narrowed as I moved the submarine forward, trying to catch whatever it was in the light. I saw the shape move, its body turning… I saw its tendrils unfurling. Whatever this was, it was big. It was almost as big as The Tempura… although it was also slender. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought I was looking at some sort of floating debris, but this far down? No. And debris wouldn’t move like that.
This had to be a deepsea squid… or perhaps some other type of cephalopod? Something that preyed upon the various invertebrates down here, perhaps? It seemed to float, just out of sight for a bit, as I tried to get closer. I angled up my light to get a better look at it. The light seemed to shine through it, like some sort of ghost… but I did manage to get a look at it.
Although that look…
That single look made me freeze up.
This things slender tendrils certainly resembled a cephalopod of some sort, but the rest of it… the rest of it looked like something else entirely. Its body was thin, emaciated and translucent, yet despite that it still had characteristics that almost seemed… human. It wasn’t human! Not by any stretch of imagination, but the resemblance was there. It almost reminded me of an exhibit I’d seen in a museum once, depicting a preserved, fully removed human nervous system. I could see a similar shape in its translucent body. Its head seemed almost human as well… albeit with no eyes, and a lamprey like mouth I could only describe as fleshy yet crablike.
Still, despite having no eyes I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was looking at me. And that was when I felt something hit the submarine.
I felt a sudden jolt of panic in my chest. For a moment, I thought that the pressure had started to crush me, but no… no, everything was still fine. Something had just hit me. But what? It didn’t take long before I got my answer.
Another pale creature floated past my viewport, swirling gracefully in the cold dark waters. I watched it for a moment with wide eyes, before noticing its ‘head’ turning slightly toward me. Then, almost instantly, it launched itself at the submarine, darting toward me with blinding speed.
I heard a distinct THUD as its body collided with me, and I could see its pale tendrils pressing against the viewport, twisting and writhing violently. It was trying to attack me. The first creature that I’d seen lunged as well, pounding on my submarine with another THUD. And moments later, I could hear more impacts against the hull. There were more of them… and they did not like having me down there.
“What’s going on?” Sheila asked.
“Somebody doesn’t like me…” I said. “One of the animals down here… some kind of squid, it’s just started attacking the hull.”
“How bad is the damage?”
“Not sure… could be nothing, could be-”
I felt the submarine shake as I tried to move it. The thrusters that pushed me forward weren't responding. Had something gotten caught in it? One of the creatures perhaps?
“Grayson?!” Sheila asked.
“Lost propulsion…” I said. “Fuck… I can’t move.”
“Then drop the weight and come up!”
“No, it’s fine, there’s no other damage, I can still use the port and starboard thrusters to-”
“Grayson!”
I paused. There was genuine panic in her voice… enough to make me realize that even if these things stood little chance of actually breaching the hull, taking the risk would be a fatal mistake.
“I’m on my way up…” I finally said, before reaching out to disengage the ballast weights.
Immediately, I felt myself beginning to rise, although the tentacles clinging to my viewport didn’t disappear.
“We’ve got you…” Sheila said. “Rising up to 38,000 feet.”
The submarine continued to rise, but the creatures clinging to me went nowhere. In fact… I was sure I could see more of them. More pale shapes coming up through the darkness, and these ones filled me with dread. I thought I had been looking at some sort of eerie undiscovered life. But seeing what was coming up toward me now… I knew that I was looking at so much more. The creatures swimming up toward me through the darkness carried weapons… makeshift stone spears and daggers. Primitive tools… but tools all the same.
Signs that these were more than just undiscovered animals.
Much. Much more.
The word: ‘Mermaids’ crossed through my mind, but these were something far different than the ones I’d heard of in folklore. These looked like they’d swam out of the depths of hell itself. Boneless pale tendrils reached for me… and they were getting closer. The pale shapes reached my submarine as I rose higher. I kept praying to whatever God may be listening that the dropping pressure would force them off. The air in a submarine is pressurized, so during normal operation, there should have been no danger of decompression sickness for me.
For them… well… normally I’d feel a little guilty about subjecting an undiscovered species of deep sea mermaids to the horrors of the Bends. But given my circumstances, I didn’t have a lot of other options.
They didn’t let go, though.
They should have. But they didn’t.
What were these things?
I saw a splayed hand press against my viewport. Or… it somewhat resembled a hand. It had suckers on it, like a tentacle and the ‘fingers’ curled open like tentacles. The creature crawled over my viewport, clinging to The Tempura as it rose, and I could see the folds of its crablike mouth opening and pressing against the glass. I could see some sort of bile rising up through its translucent throat, before it secreted it all over my viewport. Was it trying to digest me? Was that how these things fed? How strong were its stomach acids? Were they strong enough to-
The window cracked.
My heart skipped a beat.
“No… no, no no…”
“Grayson, what’s wrong?!”
“They cracked the window… S-Sheila they… oh God… oh fuck, they just…”
“THEY DID WHAT?”
“It’s secreting some sort of enzyme… it’s on the window, it’s… FUCK… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die…”
“You’re not gonna die, baby! Just… just keep ascending, okay? You’re at 30,000 feet… just keep going…”
I nodded, and kept on rising, although the question of whether or not the rest of the creatures were trying to digest the other parts of my submarine floated through my mind. How much damage could The Tempura take before it imploded? How much longer did I have? The submarine still continued to rise… 25,000 feet… almost halfway home… almost… almost.
The creature outside of my viewport slithered along the glass, searching for a better area to try and digest. Past him, I noticed a few of his companions dropping off. Maybe the change in pressure finally was getting to them?
From the corner of my eye, I suddenly noticed a flashing light. A warning. The hydraulics on one of the Tempura’s arms were shot… what else was damaged?
I checked my oxygen levels. 32%.
I should’ve had at least 14 hours of air. I’d only been down there for about 6 hours… I shouldn’t have been this low.
31%.
No… no, no, no, no… they’d damaged the air tanks!
30%.
29%
“20,000 feet!” Sheila said. “You still with me, baby?”
“Y-yeah…” I said. I didn’t mention my air situation. I didn’t need to worry her further.
The submarine continued its ascent.
15,000 feet.
24%. I was running out of time.
The creatures still clung to the Tempura. How had the pressure change not killed them yet? My oxygen was dropping faster than before. I was hemorrhaging air. Another crack formed across my viewport. I let out a little, involuntary gasp before trying to force myself to stop hyperventilating.
“Grayson, what was that?”
“I-it’s fine…” I stammered, “It’s fine!”
“Grayson what the hell is going on down there?!”
“They’re still on the submarine… they’re still…” I paused, looking at my oxygen levels. “19%...”
“19% of what? Grayson what’s going on!”
I paused.
18%.
“Air… I’m… I’m losing air…”
“That’s fine, you’re going to make it!” She said, although I heard her voice cracking a little. “You’re gonna make it!”
I didn’t answer.
12,000 feet.
11,000 feet…
My oxygen level continued to drop.
15%.
14%.
12%.
9,000 feet.
The creatures still clung to me, as the submarine continued to rise. The one on my viewport was still there, slowly crawling along the glass again. I stared into its eyeless face and swore I was looking at the face of my killer.
7,000 feet…
Oxygen had dropped to 9%. It dropped to 8% before I even got to 6,000 feet. I was going to die here…
The viewport cracked again and I squeezed my eyes shut. The submarine rocked. I was sure one of the thrusters had been damaged. My ascent slowed.
“Grayson, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry Sheila…”
Another crack spread across my viewport.
“I’m… I’m not making it back up…”
“YES YOU ARE!”
“I’m sorry…” The tears started to come as the reality of my death became clearer and clearer… this was it.
“YOU’RE COMING BACK UP, YOU HEAR ME! GODDAMNIT, I’LL BRING YOU BACK UP!”
“I love you…”
That creatures face pressed against the glass. It vomited more of its stomach acid onto the cracked glass, and I wondered if this might finally be what broke it. Part of me hoped it would be… the one good thing about dying this deep was that at least I’d die quickly. My suffering would be over. Then, the creature suddenly pulled back, twisting and writhing violently. I saw other shapes moving past it in the water, other ‘mermaids’ that had been clinging to the submarine.
Something was agitating them.
Something was scaring them off.
Then I heard it, over the radio… whale songs.
“What the hell…?”
“Grayson, are you still there?!”
“I… they’re finally breaking off. Sheila, what did you do?”
“I’m broadcasting some of the orca recordings we’ve been using. Are they still clinging to you?”
“No! They’re backing off! I… whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!”
The submarine kept rising.
5,000 feet.
4,000 feet.
4% oxygen.
I could still do this, right?
The submarine continued to rise.
3%.
3,000 feet.
2,000 feet.
2%.
1,000 feet… so close… I was so close…
I could almost see the surface through my viewport, rushing up toward me. I tried not to breathe. Tried not to move. All I did was hope.
500 feet.
I closed my eyes.
“Grayson we have your signal, we’re coming to pick you up!”
Sheila’s voice sounded so far away as my submarine finally breached the surface of the water… and with the last of my strength, I pulled the emergency release on the hatch, and threw it open, taking in lungful after lungful of fresh salty air.
I didn’t dare so much as touch the water beneath me… but I was topside again, and in the distance, I could see The Burger!
“We see you!” Sheila said, “We’ve got you baby… we’ve got you…”
“I see you too…” I said through the tears. “Thank you… thank you…” I didn’t have any words left in me after that.
As soon as I was back on the ship, I collapsed into Sheila’s arms, breaking down into tears as I clung to her, terrified that at any moment, some sort of unspoken other shoe would drop and I’d lose her all over again.
“Shh… it’s alright baby… I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re safe…” I felt her fingers running through my air and I knew that what she said was true.
I was home.
I was safe.
***
I left my colleagues to review the data that the Tempura gathered during its short expedition. As far as I know, they haven’t published anything. I have a few ideas as to why, but I’ll keep those to myself. Let’s just say that some people would rather this information not become public.
I have a feeling that the Tempura may not be diving again for some time, if ever. I will confess that I do consider that a bit of a shame. Despite everything… I would consider it a success. It endured far more stressful conditions than I had expected, and from what I heard, required fewer repairs than I’d thought it would. But, even if it was approved for another dive, it wouldn’t be me piloting it. No. I will never be setting foot inside of that machine again, nor will I ever be returning to what my colleagues have been quietly referring to as ‘The Jenner Trench’.
I can’t.
Every night, I wake up crying after dreaming of pale shapes outside of my cracked viewport, clinging to Sheila and sobbing. I can’t put myself in that situation again.
I can’t.
Instead, I think I’m going to spend the next few years on solid ground. There’s a teaching position available at a local university. I think that might be the best place for me right now. Who knows, maybe I can help some other deadbeat discover a passion for marine biology.
After everything, my love for the sea remains unchanged… I’m just a little more wary of it, these days.

I’m 24f and I have one more year of grad school left. It’s always been hard for me to make friends. Even the friends I do have, I just feel like they think I’m weird and they feel bad for me.
I immigrated here when I was in the 6th grade. All throughout middle & high school, I was picked up immediately after school (I joined sports, so immediately after practice), couldn’t have my phone with me at night (until the end of my senior year lmao), only hung out with people outside of school 1-2 times a MONTH, have only been able to “sleep over” at a friend’s place once or twice ever, it was “wrong” to bring people to my place bc it was my “family’s” place and my parents couldn’t “relax” if a friend was over (my parents and my friends have never been in the same house before bc I never could bring anyone over), I was expected to be in the living room at almost all times & couldn’t really be in my room with the door shut, I couldn’t even go to a 7/11 by myself. Idk I just remember telling people I had really really strict parents. I almost feel crazy writing this because I feel like they never actually told me any of that and I just chose to do all that. But the more I get older, the more I feel like my I just never got a chance to make friends and develop friendships. Thankfully I always had 1-2 close friends throughout middle-high school. And all throughout college, I mean I have some friends, but I have a hard time deepening friendships.
I get jealous when I see other people’s old videos of their childhood friends and them hanging out like normal kids. I wish I got to go outside my house more and hang out with people outside of school and sports more. I sound like such a baby, and I’m an adult now, but I just feel like it’s impacting me. I never thought it would, but I just wish I was normal.
I think I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that my family was not normal. I never wanted to admit it, but as much as my parents love me and tried their best, I do think they messed me up. From my parent’s overprotection to their anxiety that something was going to happen to me to my dad’s anger to getting berated for 6 hours straight for something small and pretending like it didn’t bother me, and I have never voiced this to my parents.
My parents are different people now. Much calmer, my sister is still in highschool and it seems like she live a more normal life, going out with friends, and I know I shouldn’t be but I’m jealous of that. My boyfriend thinks I should bring this up to them, but my parents and I just don’t have that kind of relationship. We don’t “talk” like that and I don’t want to hurt them especially because they tried their best. We were so poor when we first came to the US and we were going through it together along with getting familiarized to living in a whole new country.
But sometimes I just wish I could have the heart to just let this all out. I have literally never acted out against my parents. I just wish I had a more normal teenage life and just did whatever I wanted to do. I was always so scared of them. And idk I feel like I started writing about friendships and it came to this haha, but now mostly friendship is impacting me the most, I feel.
I have a boyfriend of like 2 years and 4 months. I’ve slowly been telling him stuff, but I’m scared to reveal my whole self. He’s probably gonna think I’m not actually the girl he thought I was.
It’s just hard because I try to tell myself affirmations and listen to audio books and keep telling myself throughout the day to feel good. But why can’t I just be normal. I wish I just had a normal childhood.
I started seeing a free therapist a few weeks back and it’s been helpful a little, but eventually I want to find one I could pay for. I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice, but I don’t want people to feel bad for me. I just wanted to voice that I feel lonely, and I just wish I had a normal upbringing.

My best friend told me we couldn’t be friends right now because I’m at the point In my pregnancy where I’m a “bitch” and she doesn’t want to jeopardize us getting into a fight and her not being able to see my son after he’s born. Some back story because it’s needed: I lost my first baby when I was 35 weeks pregnant, he was born sleeping. I gave birth to him the day after they told me there was no heart beat. When I gave birth to him I was alone in the hospital, nobody there with me until 45 minutes after. They kept my son for 5 hours trying to figure out what happened to him and couldn’t find anything. Once they brought him back to me they only let me hold him for an hour before having to take him back. It was traumatizing, every second, I was 21 and it sent me down a really bad path. I didn’t want to live, I drank, I smoked, I snorted, I parachuted, I did anything I could to try and numb my pain. Nothing worked. My best friend tried to be there for me until I started doing the things I was doing then she was nowhere to be found. I fell in love with a man who made me feel again 2 years later. He made me happy with no drugs or drinking. So I cold turked everything and moved to his state with him. She was against it, she was mad at me for moving away. I was happy, I felt loved, I felt like everything was going to be okay. I got pregnant 3 months in. I was so scared!! I lashed out on him, he didn’t understand my pain, but he was there for me every step of the way. I wasn’t nice to anyone while I was pregnant, if you said one thing wrong I would explode. It was a horrible pregnancy not only for me but for those who loved me as well.* My best friend and I got into a couple fights but she was pregnant with her daughter when I gave birth to my son so she couldn’t make it up to meet him. Fast forward 3 years and I was about to give birth to my daughter, (my best friend married my brother and they have 2 kids) I told my brother that if they wanted to come up and see my daughter before she was 6 months they needed to get the tdap shot. She blew up about it saying it’s bullshit and she shouldn’t have to do it and that it’s messed up I’m even asking them to. So I said that’s fine you just won’t see my daughter until after she’s 6 months. (My kid my rules) (I did the same thing for my son as well) whatever right? I didn’t make it into a big thing but she did. I’m pregnant right now with a little boy and I’m due 2 weeks after the birthday of my first son. I’m not in a good head space. I will be giving birth 1 week after the birthday of my first son (the doctors won’t let me go full term but will let me get to 39 weeks before inducing) my head is all over the place, I hate myself, I have so many things in my head but I keep it all to myself. I don’t lash out on anyone and I’ve been keeping to my self since my bestfriend said we couldn’t be friends right now because I’m at the point in my pregnancy that I’m a bitch and she doesn’t want to jeopardize not being able to see my son when he’s born. But at this point it really hurts me because I feel like this is the time I need my people. My second sons birthday is in March, my daughters birthday is in February my first sons birthday is in July and that’s when I’m due. I’ve never had to do this, it’s just so close to his birthday and on those days I’m usually a complete mess and I don’t do anything and now I’m supposed to give birth a week later and I don’t have my so called bestfriend anymore because I’m a “bitch” when I’m this far into my pregnancy? (She said that to me when I was 28 weeks I’m now 31 weeks) I feel like it’s understandable that I’m not the best pregnant person when I get this far… but I’m not lashing out on anyone I’ve been keeping to myself. So I honestly don’t know why she said that to me. My pregnancy with my daughter I wasn’t mean to anyone. But at this point I feel like I’m not going to invite her to come after my son is born because if you can’t be there for me through this really fucking hard time why do you get to see the amazing thing I create? Am I in the wrong? I’m sorry this post is all over the place, pregnancy brain is crazy. Thank you to whoever reads everything and can understand my rambling.

I've done my googling, I just want to check with the community to see if anyone can offer their insight. The internet is giving me some mixed answers.
There's a local feral cat (about a year old, I think) who just gave birth to an undetermined number of kittens. We think she's keeping them in our chimney, accessing it through a hole in our siding. We see her around often, but we've never been able to figure out for sure where she's stashed her babies, until we found one of them nearby the hole in our siding, alone and crying in a puddle in the rain.
We took him in and dried him off, warmed him up, and we've been bottle-feeding him periodically for about a day. He's peed for us, but he hasn't pooped, but I'm hoping he will soon. He's about 4 weeks old, judging by his weight and teeth. He can walk, just not that confidently.
Our plan initially was to keep him inside until the rain stops, at which point we'd put the kitten in an insulated dry shelter outside for the mom to take him back. Our concern is that she'll move the kitten somewhere we can't find him, which means we wouldn't be able to get him neutered and adopted when he's old enough.
Does it make more sense to try to give him back to mom, or take care of him ourselves until he's ready to be adopted?

Hi All,
Been here for over 5 months now.
Long story short. Wife (31F) of 5 years cheated on me (27M) with a co-worker in September - December 2023. We have 1 child together, and I have a stepson, which is her little boy from previous relationship. My daughter is 2, and her son is 7.
She cheated because she was lonely, she had shit going on and never bothered dealing with it, instead she stepped out and done something that made her feel better about herself.
We’ve both done IC, and she realised that if she was ever unhappy in a relationship, rather than voicing it, she stepped out as it was easier. She took the route of a coward, damaging me and the kids in the process.
I think she didn’t realise the consequences of her actions until the kids asked if me and her will be breaking up, which was like a stab to the heart for her.
I had a lot of TT throughout the discover, but she says it’s all out.
She cut contact immediately with AP when it came out. She quit her job immediately and now works in a woman only office, she’s been giving me her phone, all of it. She begs and cries for me not to leave her, and is showing true remorse for her actions.
The only thing that’s stopping me from fully committing to R is, do I know all the truth?, as I have this feeling that this isn’t the first time she had cheated on me. To give you some context:
While this was unraveling, somebody that she hasn’t spoke to in about 10 years apparently, sent her a message on Instagram saying “Hey, just wanted to reach out and apologise about how I treated you, I guess I’m just apologising before karma catches up”. She had shown me the message as soon as she received it, but said that it was weird as she hadn’t spoken to him in like 10 years. She wasn’t even friends with the guy on IG, and few hours later, he deleted the message along with the request and blocked her.
Then a few days ago, another of her Ex’s that used to be her old lover, from about 10 years ago again, reached out to her with a waving hand on Facebook. Again, last convo they had based on her fb messages was back in 2020, and it was just a memory she sent him of him with her cat when they were together.
When this was all happening, I’ve also seen that she spoke to another Ex back in 2021 via snap, as the chat was there, but again, she said that it was probably when she was replying to him on his story or something (then I find that all of his photos, she liked on socials in that timeframe).
We’ve been together for 5 years, and married for 1. I knew of these people as she used to tell me who her previous partners were as this was something I wanted to know when we got together.
She is so so so adamant that she didn’t cheat on me prior to this. She begs for me not to leave her, and that she’ll do anything to fix her fuckup, and that she won’t make it without me.
We have been through a lot together, we lost 2 babies, her dad was diagnosed with Cancer recently again.
I’ve been looking after myself, have put on weight, gained loads of muscle, started running, looking after my skincare, and actually started to get a lot of attention from women. I am successful, work in Cyber Security, and get paid really well.
I just can’t seem to move forward with R until I have heard every lie, but all I get told is - “you know everything, I have told you everything, there is literally nothing else for me to say”, how am I suppose to believe that? How am I suppose to believe that she didn’t cheat before?, I can’t!, too many people are popping up randomly, apologising, reaching out, why?
She says she doesn’t know why, and that she can’t control what other people do. I’m so lost, I do want to make it work with her, I really do, but I can’t without knowing that there’s nothing left to say and without knowing that I know everything.
We talked about polygraphs and stuff, but apparently they’re not reliable as apparently somebody can tell the truth and still fail and vice versa.
I don’t know what else I can tell her to reassure that whatever has happened in the past, I just need to know between us, so I can process and put it on the shelf, where it will stay, and then fully commit to making R work with her, as she’s really, really trying.
This sucks so much. I am only 27, and the things I’ve experienced in life, I wonder to myself, what did I do in my previous life to deserve all of this pain…

M22 looking for retail, warehouse, admin, graduate among paralegal and other jobs through company websites indeed, reed, etc after recently completing uni (graduating after receiving final grade in September of this year) in BA (Hons) Criminology, have applied to 150-175 jobs in the past 2 weeks and have gotten 6 interviews all were rejections, i feel like i fucked those up though as I have Asperger's and the process of applying for jobs, form filling, wanking off to the company in the surveys on the sites and emails and generally ritually exterminating brain cells and motivation/excitement to get a job at all at this shit most days a week, 5-6 of 7. The most recent application was to an Aldi in my area within an easily commutable distance 40 min walk or 20 min cycle, for an shop floor assistant, general retail shebang stacking shelves, cleaning, manual handling in back warehouse till work etc, all shit I've done before in previous employment for Sainbury's and nights at a Morrison's petrol station. The interview was 15 mins long, which was promised in their invitation email, the manager was approachable and likable, came across very human through the words he chose and the fact he said at the start he could go through my CV, which he had next to him open on his laptop, and ask bland corporate questions, but that he much prefers getting to know the person he has to consider hiring -- fully agree with this one was very relieved to hear that. He then went on to ask me to describe myself and my hobbies, to which I told him I'm into RPGs, mainly SRPGs because the numbers game is very appealing, levelling up separate units and turn-based combat and that I like marine biology. He responds with interest and deepens with is own insight on Vidya and he says he loves travelling that he went to Japan this year and that he learns the culture of the places he goes to act respectfully to locals and speak their language -- again totally agree that this should be the bare minimum standard for travelling somewhere, especially poignant if you're interacting with the culture or the locals. I ask him where else he plans to travel this year and he says South America, he's planning on exploring the mountain range there and that he dislikes touristy areas. At this point, I'm totally relaxed to be talking with a real person. His next question is "What specifically do you think this role will entail, given your experience in retail already, and can you give examples of skills you have learned from your previous work that can be applied at our store?", and I do just that. He remarked that I had "hit the nail on the head", Again thinking well shit this is going great, feeling so hopeful and happy that the job search might finally be over, especially having the chance to work under this manager who gets how it is? is the best way I can describe the feeling. He then asked his final questions on the speed of the work (told him I prefer working quickly and always having something to do, having the flexibility to switch between departments as and when needed), how many hours I'd be looking to get (advertised hours were part-time, but due to current circumstances and an 88% availability needs improvement checkmark on a board in the staff room, I said I'd be happy with 35-40hrs) and finished with asking how I have dealt with an angry customer before (like every angry customer, take whatever they say, find the root cause of the issue, resolve, if you can't escalate). Shook hands, said our goodbyes at the end of the 15 mins and left, go home feeling confident and happy. 2 days later receive an email from Aldi, rejection: their reasoning was ol reliable too many applicants can't give a reason for your rejection you daft cunt. Spent 3 hours today looking for jobs, barely motivated to move the mouse and type the same thing 8 million more times for entry level jobs. I feel like no matter how hard I try and no matter what I do to my CV, my appearance and trying to mask that it always crumbles away. Why is this the biggest fucking part of being an adult? Why is it done this way? What is the point of doing any of this dogshit apply intervew fail cycle worth? Is this the only way to go about doing this shit? How do you stay sane and confident and happy through this process? I just want to scream or cry or die or something that isnt this insane ridiculous bullshit monotonous task until another job comes around again, then doing it again when I can't take how the workplace is like with every other job I've had before. I have attached my CV with sensitive details removed, if anyone would be able to help me rewrite or help with pointers, anecdotes, advice, criticism anything and everything to help this monkey on a rock out. Sorry for the long ass post. tl;dr help with CV blz
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LEt9Ry64VGKSKpayU_0ySrOsMoHyOJl1/view?usp=sharing

We have been married for 12 years, and have two kids under 6. We struggled to have kids and had to do IVF (lots of hormones for my wife). I understand that this will cause hormone changes at first (I was a ICU RN for years) and cause depression and mood swings. When we had our kids I didn't push the intimacy subject for a year, if she said no I respected that as I figured with baby and hormones she just isn't ready.
I/We are very active for our family. We share cleaning and other household chores equally. I help get kids ready for bed and ready in the mornings. Help them with reading, take them on trips, and active in helping with appointments when needed. We go on family vacations a couple times a year. I changed my profession so I can be flexible with my hours so I can be home when they are and every weekend. She is a teacher so summer times are awesome because we get to spend more time together. We are both healthy and physically active and work out daily.
Now it has been over three years since our last child. I feel like she cringes when I give her a hug, try to kiss her its just get it over with type of situation, and the few times we have had sex she says things like make it quick or no extra touching. We were pretty sexually active prior to kids. I have tried to talk to her about this and how I feel intimacy is important in our marriage. I know it doesn't need to be every night for hours on end but a few times a month over a few times a year would help. I believe intimacy is an important part of a relationship. Which doesn't mean just sex, I am ok with cuddling on the couch watching a TV show, long hugs, and even a passionate kiss every once in awhile, which she says no to every time. When I have tried to talk to her about I how I feel she does this and it makes me feel unwanted, she immediately starts yelling, tells me if I don't like it get a divorce or if it doesn't bother her then it shouldn't bother me.
I have tried also taking her on weekly dates, going places just her and me for short periods. When I set these up she always finds a reason to not want to go when the time comes. I write her love notes throughout the month, tell her I love her and think she is beautiful daily. Even say corny dad lines to her that I love her. I cook her any meal she requests (I do all the cooking and dishwashing). Try to take her to special events that are her interests. Am I wrong for feeling I'm not wanted when she turns me away when I try and plan these things? I have tried talking to her maybe she should she a counselor a few times and I get yelled at for even suggesting that. When I struggled with PTSD from my deployments (I am a veteran) I went and sought help on my own and when she felt I needed to talk to someone professionally. Any suggestions to try? I have gotten to the point where I don't even try and set up dates anymore because I get excited to go and she just changes her mind last minute. I just don't get it, she and my kids are my whole world and all I think about