So I've listened many times to "Bob's Baby" episode, & I feel both relieved & anguished about what both Bob, Mandy, James & their respective families went through during all this time. I wonder how would that story be if it happened in a country with a more "robust" healthcare system, like in France for example. But socio-politics aside, I wanted to tell about my own birth story, which is less episodic, but as chaotic as Bob x Mandy's endeavor. Be mindful that this also digs into some personal elements of my life, past and current, & also some of my own mother's medical past. I was born on the 4th of October of 1993, as it is witten on my Health Book, but the thing is that I was scheduled for the 25th of September, so technically I was born post-term. I won't go into every detail of the delivery process, but let's just say that it was Hell Indoors. During the week following the due date, my mom didn't have any major contractions up until the night of the 3rd-4th. My dad quickly drove to the nearest hospital (they lived near Paris at that time), then my mom was processed to the emergency birthing room. After many attempts to deliver me naturally, something went very wrong: I tried going out of the uterus by going up, which knocked up my mom from the inside. Instantly, the doctors & nurses performed an epidural, but not in the same way as Mandy did go through, given that my mom was unconscious & couldn't give the exact spot where to perform the spine tap. Then, they did a C-section birth, & it was done just in time, as they extracted me from the fetus, nearly fully purple with the umbilical cord around my neck. They immediately put me in an incubator after removing the cord around my head, then intubed me in order to remove the amniotic fluid (the fetus water) that was deep into my lungs. If they hadn't done all of these different maneuvers, I wouldn't be able to write all of this right now, because I wouldn't have lived a single minute. It took days for me to return to a "stable" state, which really worried my parents that I wouldn't grow up like a normal baby, & they were somewhat right: I wasn't able to crawl up until my first year, & I couldn't walk after my 3rd year. I saw many pediatricians that were perplexed to why I wasn't evolving normally. That last part will refer to my current status. My mom found out way later the reason as to why I had so many medical problems growing up. During her first pregnancy, she was epileptic & had to take a certain drug to appease her condition. What she didn't knew back then is that this specific drug had one toxin that could infiltrate the nervous system of the fetus & implement the seeds of autism, specifically the Asperger Syndrom, which I currently am afflicted by it. This is one of the few "invisible" handicaps, with no physical signs at all, but everything happens in the brain & mind: lack of social skills, very high IQ, laser-focusing on certain topics & centers of interest, etc. I don't have every single of these symptoms, & the few that I have don't hamper my personal life that much. I'm sorry if I have overstretched a bit on my current life for that last part, but I felt that I had to mention it so to finalize my story. Thank you for reading, & feel free to comment below if you want.

I contracted GHSV1 from an asymptomatic HSV1 carrier through getting oral. I have only had the one initial outbreak. I use condoms for sex with every partner. I made it a point to disclose to my partners at the time (I am poly) but it definitely changed things, with some partners not wanting to give me oral anymore and another prospective date ghosting my after I disclosed, insisting it wasn't the HSV but going from being super horny for fucking me to just disappearing. Even when they accepted my status I couldn't enjoy the sex because I am worried they will just leave me for someone who "doesn't have this" ( I put that in air quotes for all the asymptomatic people, those who don't get tested, or those who think their cold sores aren't herpes).
Given how many people carry HSV1 and because I am in sex positive circles, do I really need to disclose? I feel like the stigma far outweighs the actual symptoms and nobody I know gets the HSV test so all those people rejecting me might very well already have it themselves but just live in ignorance is bliss. Even when I disclose I still feel shitty, I get giving someone their bodily autonomy but so many people are uneducated/swayed by the stigma so it's not really a fair discussion, plus they will just reject me and go on to someone who "doesn't have this." and lets be honest who wants someone with herpes when they can date someone who "doesn't" have it. I am almost a year into my diagnosis and just quit dating for the time being because of all the shame and stigma associated with this.

The people who are mad over Fiona being identified always talk about what Fiona and Martha have in common - appearance, accent, fake job, etc. However, none of those things could have been used as an identifying factor if people didn't find her real name from Fiona's own tweets. That's the bridge here. If her tweet to Richard - specifically "@MrRichardGadd my curtains need hung badly" from 09/23/14 - had been deleted, would Fiona have been found at all? It's perhaps possible, but maybe less likely. And certainly not as fast. Richard said she tweeted him over 700 times, Only a handful of those alleged tweets remain live today.
Once that tweet was found and people found a Fiona Harvey matching the similarities to Martha, that's where things started spiraling. Mind you, instead of finding a lawyer and protection are being identified, Fiona, being Fiona, immediately confirmed she was Martha and went on dozens of public facebook rants a day followed by paid interviews.
Maybe this "duty of care" discussion really comes down to one thing: the tweet. Obviously Richard Gadd has every right to use true quotes in a show based on a true story. Was it Netflix's responsibility to make sure none of those tweets were still public? Without those tweets, it seems likely that Fiona may have never been found, certainly not as quickly anyway. But even with that tweet, if Martha didn't have those things in common with Fiona, then perhaps we would still be sitting here wondering who she was.
So who bears the responsibility here? Richard, for using the quote? For not doing enough to hide his stalker's identity? Or Fiona, for being a stalker who left a breadcrumb along the trail? Or do they both share responsibility?

FRIDAY NIGHT at 9PM ET / 6PM PT - EL CHUPACABRAS - ALIEN or SOMETHING ELSE? Join Us For LIVE CHAT Questions & Answers #Chupacabras
Featured in this edition:
The legend of El Chupacabras (translated as 'the goat-suckers) began in about 1992, when Puerto Rican newspapers El Vocero and El Nuevo Dia began reporting the killings of many different types of animals, such as birds, horses, and as its name implies, goats. At the time it was known as El Vampiro de Moca since some of the first killings occurred in the small town of Moca. While at first it was suspected that the killings were done randomly by some members of a satanic cult, eventually these killings spread around the island, and many farms reported loss of animal life. The killings had one pattern in common: each of the animals found dead had two punctured holes around their necks.
Soon after the animal deaths in Puerto Rico, other animal deaths were reported in other countries, such as the Dominican Republic, Argentina, Bolivia, Chile, Colombia, El Salvador, Panama, Peru, Brazil, the United States, and, most notably, Mexico.
Both in Puerto Rico and Mexico, El Chupacabra gained urban legend status. Chupacabra stories began to be released several times in American and Hispanic newscasts across the United States.
The chupacabra is generally treated as a product of mass hysteria, though the animal mutilations are real. Like many cases of such mutilations, however, it's been argued that they are often not as mysterious as they might first appear.
Descriptions of the physical appearance of each specimen can resemble descriptions of other specimens or differ from other descriptions. Although they have different appearances, El Chupacabras are typically 3 feet or taller, they are roughly humanoid in shape as they are bipedal with 2 arms and are described as otherworldly creatures.
So, are El Chupacabras an alien entity, or are they something else? Listen to the accounts and form your opinions.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmLN62vGpnY

I know how this may sound and also know that if my sister ever see this she won’t talk to me again but I need to know it I’m being unreasonable. I’ll try to be straight to the point and not lie about anything, pardon me if still ends up being a little long. Also sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.
Me (27 female) and my sister (30 female) moved to US almost six years ago as exchange visitors. I’ll call her Sara, fake name.
Four years ago, after jumping from host family to another host family, Sara ended up moving to Portland, I was leaving in Tacoma so we would see each other sometimes. She met a guy, John (36yo male) and started going out with him. I believe they hung out for about a year, but never serious. He always told my sister that he would never have anything serious with her. Aparantly he was recent divorced and was still attached to the ex. When I told my sister I was moving to Colorado, she decide to move too and changed to another host family, living 1 hour away from me . Everything was going good, we used to hang out almost every weekend, she was taking care of herself, going to gym, even meeting knew people. Until the day that John started to message her and me on Facebook bagging me to help him get back with her. I never helped, told him that he didn’t value her and now she moved on. But God, was I wrong? This man showed up to my sister host family house, uninvited, and the host family (on their right to do it) got very upset that a strange had their address and kicked her out of their house, causing her to not complete the last months of exchange.
I always hated that, hated the fact that I know my sister shared the address, the fact that she fell for his bullshit again ruining what she had. My host family allowed her to live with us for 1 months and then she moved to Texas to live with him.
Fast forward 3 years, they both live together in Texas, my sister became miserable, she doesn’t take care of herself, has no career, work two jobs, pay all the bills by herself (she claims she’s being paying everything by herself for only 6 months) but me and my family know it’s longer than that. I tried to tell her once how she deserves better and she didn’t talk to me for weeks and said I was dead to her. I get it, I should leave it alone, she’s an adult. But hurts me seeing someone lose so much potential in someone else that is not worth it.
Here are some other points it makes me hate their relationship:
He’s unemployment status: he’s constantly “looking for jobs” never stick long enough to it and when he’s unemployed he’s always sleeping or watching Anime.
He doesn’t help at home, my sister works 60 hours a week and when get home the dishes are dirty and he’s telling her how he’s hungry. What????
His anger issues: he thinks that is ok to beat people. And the only reason he don’t do it now is because he avoids to go out, to bars, to drink, tell my sister what to wear so he “doesn’t have to lose his temper with any men”. Like, control yourself.
He was arrested twice. Once, him and his fucked up ex wife had a fight because one she cheated on him and second she pinched their daughter, because of that he slaps her gets arrested. Second arrest was because he got upset about a man “calling him a bitch” over the phone and he searched this man from bar to bar and beat the man very bad. And both of this he told my fiance since my sister try to hide that he has issues.
Every time my sister almost opened her eyes he would come up with some bullshit about how he was planning to propose and after she came back he would say he’s not ready for marriage. I saw that as god sign for her to leave before making the mistake to get married, but unfortunately she did.
He has two kids that was not raised by him because of his arrests, the kids had a hell of childhood because of the abusive mother too, but instead of be present in their life now, nope. He’s not. His son has physiological issues and he tells everyone his kids is a psychopath. Instead of be a dad and try to help his kids, he shits on them.
He’s jealousy, my sister became another person. She used to dress pretty, had a beautiful and healthy body, loved makeup, going ou, having friends… now my sister is 15kg heavier, dress covering herself, never wear any top or shorts in the gym… I heard him once telling her the she promised him to not wear shorts and top at the gym. ?????
I don’t think my sister will ever have a comfortable life because is always her working, he’s already 36yo. I don’t think she should settle for such shitty life.
Last one, my sister is slowly becoming him, she has no career yet, is working at dentist office front desk (no problem with that) but she has a degree, experience, why she’s not working on her career?
Now I’ll say, the only thing that makes me guilty is because he had a very hard childhood, mom with drug issues, abusive step dad, poverty and that I can sympathize with. But this doesn’t mean he’s a good husband.
I know I probably should just leave her alone and she’ll open her eyes eventually, but men how do I love this girl. We grew up so close, we have each others back, I know how big her heart is and how good of a person she is. Her only issue? Not racional, her heart speaks for her and I’m afraid she’ll live this shitty life forever. Now part of the reason may be because I’m selfish and just don’t want to be linked to their mess, I’m actually embarrassed every time he talks about his life. After my engagement party where a lot of people me them, I had to hear comments about “how bad he talked about his kids”, “he seems like someone that doesn’t like to work”… and I just hate being linked to that.
Am I wrong for constantly telling her to leave him?

🛠 UNDER CONSTRUCTION ⚒️

The information detailed in this narrative is undergoing review and in the process of being updated.
Our philosophy within the SSDI_SSI Subreddit is to share our experiences to try to assist others. It does not necessarily mean that any shared experience will be a duplicate of your current experiences or outcomes.
Sometimes?
Just knowing that someone else has made it through similar difficult processes may make a huge difference to the stress you are currently (or soon will be) experiencing.
While I was going through some really rough times? I kept notes regarding some of the issues I was having, the numerous helpful resources I came across, and the search techniques I utilized.
Some of the resources I came across had nothing to do with a specific issue that I was experiencing.
However? If I thought the resources could be:

■ helpful to others?	■ relevant?
■ informative?	■ significant?

I kept track just in case the resources could be of assistance to others.
I gathered all of the notes / links I had collected and created this narrative through the years.
These resources are relative to people who live in the USA.
Although other countries may have such programs, they would (most likely) not share the same links.
You could utilize similar techniques (not the exact same links found here) to search for helpful resources in your community, perhaps.
In the USA? If you have a SmartPhone or a computer? You can actually call / locate sites that offer assistance and / or let your fingers do the walking!

This is a living document and will be changed as needed.

In your browser, type your zip code, the word "free" (if needed), and the particular assistance that you need.

12345 affordable housing	12345 eye glasses / lens
12345 electricity assistance	12345 therapy
12345 housing	12345 transportation
12345 dental care	12345 paratransit services

You get the idea!
You can use different terminology during your search.
I have found that each city / state is different throughout the USA.
You never know what your community has already established for people who need help.
You will find that some communities offer more assistance than others.
If you don't have a SmartPhone or a computer?
Go to the library. There are all kinds of resources there - most of which are free.
While there? Pick up some books!!

Always keep looking for solutions.

Reach out to others.
We are a community on Reddit - created to help each other.
Don't give up!
No matter what!
I've compiled a list of helpful information / sites that I add to periodically. Some may help you now / some may not (but could nevertheless provide assistance in the future).
It's always good to know about these resources in case you ever need them.
Programs / headings are in alphabetical order:

Children

There are organizations specifically geared towards the needs of children. A few are detailed below.
National Diaper Network.
Women, Infants, and Children (WIC).
US Department of Agriculture (USDA) Food and Nutrtion Services - Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) - WIC Eligibility Requirements.

Disability Eligibility Requirements

If you or a loved one are 💯% disabled? You should consider applying for SSA disability benefits.
All SSA disability programs have the same criteria in regards to eligibility. If unable to work because of a medical / psychological condition, you are eligible for SSA disability benefits.
■ You have to be 💯% disabled (SSA does not award benefits for partial disabilities).
■ Unable to work.
■ Have a disability that will last for at least a year or end in your death.

We pay disability benefits to people who can't work because they have a medical condition that's expected to last at least one year or result in death. Federal law requires this very strict definition of disability. While some programs give money to people with partial disability or short-term disability, we do not.

If you have not already done so? Sign up for mySocialSecurity, with the ability to provide secure online access to your current earnings record and history. Information regarding your retirement, disability, and any survivor benefits that you and your family may be eligible for will also be accessible. Also? Your potential monthly benefits will be calculated.

Education

Continuing your education is a great way to learn.
You can go to school online and not even leave your home. Take a class here and there. Go to school at 3:00 am on a Wednesday or 4:00 pm on a Saturday.
There are no worries about parking, transportation, or rushing to make it to a class from your job.
Some states offer free college tuition for the first two years. There are other charges like room and board, textbooks and transportation (which will need to be paid for out of pocket).
Apply for Pell Grants or other types of assistance. Ask the school for whatever other programs may be avaliable to you.
Accredited Online Colleges.
Apply for Financial Aid.
Avoid fake degree burns by researching academic credentials.
The Best Online Colleges 2022.
Is Community College Free? In These 19 States, Yes.
Federal Pell Grants Are for Undergraduate Students.
Top 35 Tuition-Free Colleges For 2022

Food Assistance / Food Pantries

There are numerous resources available for food shotages. You do not have to go hungry. Don't be afraid (or ashamed) to ask for help.
14 Companies That Will Give You Food and Other Products For Free.
16 of the Absolute Best Freebies We’ve Ever Found Online.
23 Restaurant Apps That Get You Free Food.
60+ places to get FREE food via app or email signup!.
Find Food Pantries.
Find Your Local Food Bank.
Food Stamps - SNAP Food Benefits.
SNAP Eligibility Requirements for your family. In your state? There may be requirements that you have to work or other eligibility criteria that have to be met before SNAP is provided.
US Department of Agriculture (USDA) Food and Nutrtion Services Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP).
US Department of Agriculture (USDA) Food and Nutrtion Services Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) Facts About SNAP.

Health Insurance

If you need health insurance? You might want to consider applying for the Affordable Care Act (ACA), which is income based. Benefits are different for each state. Depending on:
■ what agreement your state's Governor signed and your state's legislatures approved?
■ if the last administration allowed insurance policies (that cover nothing) to proliferate your state?
Your options are variable. Meaning? Your benefits will be uniquely tailored for your financial qualifications and your state.
A lot of people are turning to the reliable ACA because of everything that has transpired.
The ACA mandates that therapy be covered, too.
Affordable Care Act (ACA) Guarantees.
Apply for the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, also known as the Affordable Care Act (ACA) or Obamacare.
Everything to Know About Obamacare (ACA) Subsidies.
Health Care Rankings - Measuring how well states are meeting citizens' health care needs.

Medicaid Expansion

Medicaid Expansion and What it Means for You
Red states that have resisted Medicaid expansion are feeling pressure to give up.
Status of State Medicaid Expansion Decisions: Interactive Map.
What Marketplace Health Insurance Plans Cover.

Homelessness

HH Help for Every Casualty of Homelessness: Including Disabled SSA Applicants, Disability Recipients, and Veterans.

Housing Issues

Sometimes, there are huge differences in the types of housing / assistance you may be eligible for (depending on the state or community that you live in).
There may be a waiting list in your area, but you should at least apply for all programs.
Concerned About Eviction.
Find Your Local Public Housing Agency (PHA).
HUD Eviction Guidance.
Learn More About Renting and HUD Rental Assistance Programs.
Rent Relief Resources.

Interested in Moving?

We decided we needed to move when we noticed that the community we lived in did not provide the support we needed to have a better life.
We wanted to move to a location that offered exposure to better healthcare, health insurance, housing and paratransit services.
So?
Make a list of items that are important to you and your family. Rank them in order of importance.
Remember? Each community is different and offers different services.
Each jurisdiction has a Chamber of Commerce page or other similar resource that lists issues you might be interested in.
I searched the internet, made lists, and came up with the following resources (presented in alphabetical order) that were important to our family. You and your family might have other criteria.

(1) Helping Hands

Helping Hands Action Group monitors the benefits landscape for updates and changes to policies and programs. Depending on the jurisdiction? They offer transportation and other services. You should check 12345 Helping Hands in your area.
Check out the Helping Hands Action Group - click here.

(2) Medicaid Expansion

The Affordable Care Act’s (ACA) Medicaid expansion expanded Medicaid coverage to nearly all adults with incomes up to 138% of the Federal Poverty Level ($20,783 for an individual in 2024) and provided states with an enhanced federal matching rate (FMAP) for their expansion populations.

To date, 41 states (including DC) have adopted the Medicaid expansion and 10 states have not adopted the expansion. Current status for each state is based on KFF tracking and analysis of state expansion activity.

Check out the Status of State Medicaid Expansion Decisions: Interactive Map - click here.

(3) Paratransit / Transportation

Another thing you should consider adding to the list? Check to see what type of transportation services are offered.
You never have to worry about parking, blizzards, running out of fuel or parking meter money, taffic or anything else that would be a hindrance.
If your community has bus routes? You might have paratransit services available to you.
The fair is reasonable (much better than ubers, taxis or something else).
You do not need to be in a wheelchair for paratransit services.
The driver will walk you to and from the door of the building (your home and the appointment and vice versa).
You can use the services for anything you want to, such as vists to:

beauty parlors	parks
community events	physical therapy
library visits	school events
medical appts	shopping excursions
movies	veterinarian appts
museums	volunteer work

Anything you can think of - it is such a blessing.
I have lived in areas that had paratransit and areas that did not offer paratransit. It makes a huge difference in your sense of independence to be able to attend appointments and go places you need to. Without the interference of worrying about reliable transportation.

(4) Social Security Taxes

Moving to a state where they do not charge social security taxes dramatically increased our overall income. If you are interested in moving to states that do not require taxes on SSA benefits?
Check out 39 states that do not tax Social Security benefits - click here. Consider moving. It saved us a lot of money every single month.

(5) State Income Taxes

Moving to a state where they do not charge state income taxes dramatically increased or overall income. If you are interested in moving to states that do not require state income taxes?
Check out 9 states with no income tax - click here. Consider moving. It saved us a lot of money every single month.

Miscellaneous

Dial 211 Not sure where to turn? We are here for you.
Dial 988 Suicide and Crisis Support Lifeline.
Affordable Connectivity Program - Broadband Connection.
Ask Your Free Legal Question (licensed attorneys in your state / free).
Assurance Wireless - Lifeline Free Government Phone Program.
Find Help.
Go Fund Me.
Help with Bills.

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06-12-2018 Created 05-16-2024 Updated

26F single mom to my 7years old son (not proud na nabuntis ng maaga wag gumaya), working since i was 16, and now earning 6digits a month, to be honest okay naman sakin na ako nagbabayad lahat ng bills sa bahay at bumubuhay sa mama, lola at kapatid kong lalaki 24M, hindi pa nag tatrabaho kapatid ko kasi nag-aaral pa (repeated 2times) hindi naman big deal sakin kasi kahit ako naka repeat ako ng isang beses nung college, so ayun nga walang problema sakin yung sitwasyon at pagbabayad ng bills kasi si lola at mama ko yung nag-aalaga ng anak ko kapag may work ako, sila din nag luluto ng food at si mama na yung nag la-laundry ng mga damit namin (wash and dry kaya hindi mahirap) so yung aatupagin ko lang talaga is work, bills, food and tuition ng kapatid ko at anak ko yun lang UNTIL, nakabuntis yung kapatid kong lalaki ng hindi niya girlfriend, sa totoo lang hindi masyado big deal sakin yun pero na disappoint talaga ako sa kanya kaya nilabas ko yung nararamdaman ko na sana hindi muna siya bumuntis or gumawa ng mga bagay na ganyan kasi alam niya naman na wala siyang perang ibubuhay sa bata, yun nga lang nagulat ako sa sagot niya sabi niya "ikaw nga ang agang nanlandi 18 tapos pagsasabihan mo ako na 24 na" eh hindi naman yun yung point ko? yung point ko is yung wala siyang perang ibubuhay sa anak niya, or isusustento. nasaktan talaga ako dun pero nung nabuntis ako ng 18 may trabaho na kasi ako nun at never ako nanghingi sa mama ko ng pambili ng diaper at gatas before, kaya nagalit ako sa kanya at nakapagsabi ng masakit na salita, nasabi ko din na "wag kang humingi sakin kahit piso pag lumbas na yung bata" dahil sa galit ko, akala ko sakin kakampi yung lola at mama ko PERO sumabat yung lola ko sabi tama daw yung kapatid ko, tapos wala nadaw magagawa kasi nandiyan na yung bata dun talaga ako naguluhan kasi yung unang sinabi ko lang sa kapatid ko is yung pagiging disappointed ko sa nagawa niya wala akong sinabing ipalaglag or hindi ko siya tutulungan, kaya napa sagot ako sa lola ko na saan banda yung tama sa sinabi niya? tapos sagot ng lola ko "parang nagmamalinis ka kasi eh mas maaga ka naman nabuntis kasi maaga ka nag landi" dun na ako nagalit kasi iniiba nila yung point ng sinabi ko sa kapatid ko, so nagagalit na ako dito tumataas na boses ko tapos sumabat na din si mama na wag na isipin para matapos na wala ng away, so hindi ko na inisip kinimkim ko nalang. so ngayon fast forward nanganak na yung babaeng nabuntis ng kapatid ko, laking gulat ko kasi nag tatrabaho ako nung time na yun at before pa siya nanganak napagkasunduan na namin na sa public lang siya ipapanganak kasi alam ko gaano ka mahal yung private ngayon 6digits talaga babayaran and sayang yung pera na ilalan sa hospital pwede naman yun sa bata deretso, nag chat sakin ng 9am na nanganak na daw, nag sabi pa ako ng congrats until nakita ko sa fb pinost ng kapatid ko pic ng baby nabasa ko yung hospital name and private yun! so nag chat ako agad sa gc namin sabi ko bakit sa private dinala? reply ng mama ko nung nag labor na daw yung babae sa public sila pero sobrang init daw kasi hindi aircon yung kwarto electric fan lang meron, sabi ko hindi naman sila mag s-stay dun ng isang buwan, konting tiis lang naman yung gagawin kasi libre don, tapos nagagalit na si mama sabi bakit bini-bigdeal eh kapakanan daw ng babae at baby yung inisip nila kaya napatanong ako kung sino magbabayad at kung ako ang iniisip nilang mag babayad ng bill tinanong ko kung hindi ba nila ako iniisip na baka mabigatan ako? wala silang reply sa gc, this time nagagalit na talaga ako parang yung emotions ko pumunta lahat sa utak ko feel ko that time hindi nila ako nererespeto kahit na may kasunduan na kami sa kung anong mangayayari sa bata knowing na ako yung mag susustento hindi yung kapatid ko, kaya this time nag rent agad ako ng apartment at kinuha ko lang yung damit, sapatos, computer at mga foam and pillows kasi gusto ko talaga muna mapag-isa, this time nasa hospital pa sila, dumating ako sa apartment at nag settle dun nagpalamig, 4pm kinuha ko na yung anak ko sa school at sinabihan na ilog out at huwag muna gumamit ng facebook at messenger sumunod naman siya, during that time na nasa apartment ako akala ko mag me-message sila turns out hindi pala sila umuwi ng 3days at 3days na din silang walang reply sa message ko until discharge na nagsend si mama sa gc ng resibo sa hospital, umabot ng 185k yung bill, nag sabi din siya na hindi sila naka uwi agad kasi hinintay pa nila yung mga family ng babae na makakita sa baby kaya nag extend sila ng 1day kahit na pwede ng umuwi after 2days, nag seen lang ako. turn of active status and turn off read receipts then deactivate , after mga ilang minuto andami na nilang missed call, kaya in-off ko phone ko at nag trabaho nalang, now it's been a week. isang linggo na din akong walang socmed activity kasi naka deact na fb and messenger namin both ng anak ko, pati instagram. may feeling of disappointment parin ako hanggang ngayon, feel ko parin hindi nila ako nirerespeto kasi ginawa nila yung gusto nila without my approval and expects na okay sakin ang lahat, diko alam anong nangyari sa kanila and i'm having the urge to open my facebook account and messenger, yung sim ko din na ginagamit ko for friends and family tinanggal ko yung pang work lang yung gamit ko, i'm kinda feeling guilty kasi feel ko masama ako sa ginawa ko, so AkoBaYungGago dahil iniwan ko sila knowing na wala silang pera?

I am (24F) and My boyfriend(36M) , I met this person online. I came from one of the Asian country and he is from United States. I feel inlove with him for his good qualities including him giving me quality time and being sweet. My problem is that I have a guts that the Indian ex he is referring to is his co worker, everytime I call at work he doesn't answer me and also when I ask about the girl he said she's Pakistani. Later on, I learned from Facebook that she is Indian. I think she is his ex. Should I be worried that they work together ? Especially they are just 3 people at work? Sometimes they could be alone with this girl .🥲

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I guess just wanted to write out what I'd been feeling and put it somewhere. I'm using a burner account, and no real names, I just needed to vent this somewhere
I dated my ex (I won't bother with names) for 4 years, and broke things off last summer. Like all relationships it was complicated, but now - nine months later - I still have no idea if I did the right thing, and am left feeling rudderless and adrift.
I'm 41, she's 32 - we met online four-ish years ago, immediately hit it off and started seeing each other 3-4 times a week. We started dating in Jan 2020 ... two months later, covid hit, and our entire state was essentially locked down. We went from dating to basically living together after two months - which, at the time, was great with me .. we were in love, and things seemed great. My parents split up when I was 19. In my 20's and early 30's, I'd made some bad choices with romantic partners - and chased after people who were emotionally unavailable, fundamentally. It took many years of therapy and introspection, but I had been actively making and effort to only date people I saw a real future with.
She (at 28) had never really dated anyone before. She explained she had some very severe trauma as a child, and coupled with abusive parents, she had never put herself out there really, and had focused on work, and fitness, and school. Her father had cheated on her mother when she was a child, and she knew about it (from a very young age). I heard all this, and tried to be as empathic and understanding and reassuring as I could -> after all, it wasn't anything she had done, and I thought she was a badass for overcoming that kind of abuse. We hit it off straight away, and seemed to have tons in common, and those first few months together were incredible. She still lived at home, with her parents - and for the duration of our relationship never moved out, or found her own space.
Things started to get strange when one day, I liked a female friend's post on Instagram ... this was someone I'd known for 5-6 years, and I was friends with long before I knew my gf. In retrospect, my friend's post was a bit thirsty .. your classic "I'm powerful, self possessed" look-at-me photos that showed a bit too much skin - and I should have just kept browsing, but I tapped 'like' (one of probably 20 posts I liked that day from all kinds of different friend) and moved on.
A few hours later, my gf called me, furious, and accused me of using her 'as a place holder' because - in her mind - I obviously REALLY wanted to be with this other friend of mine, and was using her. This came completely out of left field to me, and we had a 2-hour phone argument where I apologized, told her I'd remove the 'like', whatever she wanted. She kept circling back again and again that it was "totally normal" to go through a partners friend list / liked posts because "anyone can see them, they're public". We went back and forth, I was frantic and after we got off the phone, I went through my Instagram and basically purged any attractive female friend I had, and removed any likes I had to any post that might be weird or suspect. From them on I rarely used social media at all - but every few months my ex would find a new friend on my social media she didn't like, or suspected - even after I stopped interacting with social media at all.
This same sort of low-level suspicion persisted throughout our relationship. If I was looking at my phone, she wanted to know what I was reading, who I was talking to, etc. I have never cheated on a partner in my life, in fact I had been cheated on twice - so the sort of dull, constant suspicion really upset me - and after a while it almost felt like she was trying to manifest / discover some kind of secret infidelity. The tragic part is that we got along great otherwise, she loved my (male) friends, loved my family, and we had a relaxed and loving relationship besides occasional flare ups. But the suspicion never went away, or changed - and this sort of underlying insecurity was a constant background white noise of our relationship. She especially took a disliking to my roommates girlfriend, and made it a point to always talk about how much she disliked her, how they weren't going to last - etc (I can't say I blame her, the girl in question was not awesome .. but I never understood why his g/f should have such an outsized effect on our relationship). Despite all this, I thought she was an a kind, empathic, intelligent woman - and I saw a life with her, I saw starting a family with her - as real possiblities.
She grew very attached to my family, which also started to make me wonder what was going on. Many times, first thing in the morning, before coffee or anything else, she'd ask me "how's your mom? how's your dad?" - and would always want to know if she was 'still their favorite'. The first few times I thought it was charming - but it kept going on, to the point I had to push back and ask her "hey, please stop asking me first thing in the morning about the status of my family" ... for reference, I lived on the opposite side of the country from them, and would only get to see them for the holidays (which she was always invited to). I had a very challenging period of my life with my family, from 15-30 my family was fractured, my parents split up, it was messy ... but through years of effort, and time and patience forgiveness, I had built strong, loving relationships with both my parents individually, and my siblings besides. I sometimes got the sense that she even loved my family more than me, and that I was - weirdly - almost an obstacle between her and them. I told her as much, that sometimes I almost was jealous of how much she loved them, and wished that she could point that in my direction sometimes - knowing that they would be part of the package. She never did that same work with her own family - who were deeply dysfunctional, combative and sometimes outright hostile to one another. As crazy as it sounds, I often felt like she was almost trying to reap the rewards of the many years of hard work I had done - without an appreciation for how hard it had been to build new, adult relationships with my parents.
After a year and a half she found a new job, in a new industry, at a high profile company - and for the first six months she was there, she seemed to be able to manage the stress. I asked her if she wanted to maybe find a place together, to move in together for real ... but she kind of brushed it off. I would ask her again every few months, and would be met with the same sort of half-maybe-sorta-we'll-see ...
She suffered a major concussion two years into our relationship, which is when things really started to change. She never went to therapy, or saw a doctor to get treated ... and as the months went by, she became obsessed, almost addicted, to her job. It was all-consuming for her, and occupied all her thought and effort and time ... our relationship became an afterthought, and would mostly be relegated to her staying over (because my apt was closer to her office than her parent's house) - then me cooking her breakfast and seeing her off in the morning - and getting take out when she got back at night. She became more and more locked into her job, and our relationship became more and more platonic and less and less romantic / sexual... which is not uncommon when people are stressed out, or exhausted - but we couldn't seem to find time or space to fix what was happening. We talked, and communicated - but her reaction to stress was to go inside herself, and cut the world off -> and my stress reaction has often been the same.
We grew more and more distant over the next year, I also got a new job that ate up a ton of my time, so we would only see each other for an hour or two in the evenings, or on the weekends when we were up for it. I have a habit of pushing the people I care about away when I am not doing well emotionally .. it's the biggest recurring issue I've had in my life. I've been to therapy for it, and have ways to manage stress including meditation, exercise and a healthy diet - all of which allow me to function. But as the months went by, I got more and more stressed out as we became more distant - and I started to fall apart, and started to feel more and more alone and isolated. I'm sure I could have been better, or more attentive, or more patient ... and I in no way want to trying to pin any blame on her. After all, I'm just 1/2 of the relationship, and 1/2 of the story. After not seeing each other for a few weeks, I had to go out of town for a week for my job - to deal with a long and stressful convention ... and when I came back, we didn't see each other for another week.
I wanted her to come see me, but couldn't come out and say it ... I wanted her to intuit my needs, which she OF COURSE was not able to do. She wanted me to tell her I desperately wanted to see her, which she couldn't articulate because she wanted ME to intuit her needs ... and round and round it went. Lack of communication.
We did see each other eventually, what started as a small disagreement blew up. It started after my ex starting talking about my roommate's girlfriend, or she said something nasty about her. I was upset because we hadn't seen each other in weeks, why would this girl be the first thing on her mind? What about us? I totally overreacted and pushed her away - it was a long and stupid argument, where we both ended up dredging up things from months and years before .. we broke up, she left. In my self-righteous indignation, I felt justified in the moment ... but as the hours passed, and days passed, I was miserable and knew I had made a horrible mistake. My friends at the time told me I'd done the right thing, and that we had long standing issues that I had been mentioning throughout our relationship ... she liked her well enough, but wanted me to be happy, and told me that I had, ultimately, done what I thought was right at the time - and not to doubt myself. But I did, I got fully stuck in my head about it - and was desperate (yes, the D word) to try again.
Over the next few weeks she totally ignored me, wouldn't respond to my calls, or messages. I didn't expect her to - but I practically begged her to give it another chance with me. But she had totally shut down, and in her (later) words "she was never going to speak to me again." She did, eventually, after a few weeks, respond to me. We talked, I apologized, tried to explain that she was the world to me, and I knew I had made a massive mistake, and desperately wanted a chance to try again - to make things right.
She agreed, eventually. We met up for dinner, and slowly talked things out - I was still honestly pretty upset, but we kept seeing each other, started making it a point to go on dates, to get to know each other again. She believed I had cheated on her, that I had met another woman and that this had all been a pretext ... I caught her going through my phone after I got out of the shower. There was nothing to find, but I couldn't believe that she still, after years together, suspected I had been unfaithful to her. But that was just a bump in the road, we talked it out. Things seemed to be getting better. We shared an amazing thanksgiving together, and I genuinely felt like we had turned a corner and were as close as we had ever been ... so did she.
The next Monday, at work, she got another concussion - worse than the first. From this point on, her entire personality shifted ... Which I have learned, in the months that followed, is just something that can happen with head trauma. She didn't want to spend time together nearly as much, she fully retreated into herself, and her family. She wouldn't come visit at all anymore - even if I was willing to pick her up / drop her off ... she would only agree to meet for platonic dinners at a halfway point between our houses. She started seeing a doctor, a neurologist, doing PT work ... but she just kept seeming to get further and further away. If I invited her over, she was always want to know if my roomate's g/f "might" be there, or if we'd be alone ... and if there was even a chance this girl would be there (even though we could spend time in my room, or in the common living room without interference) - my ex would just stay home.
Six or seven months of this went by ... we kept sort of drifting apart, and it seemed like no matter how much I tried to communicate, or bridge the divide between us (which, to be honest, it felt like I was doing 3/4 of the work to keep this thing going) - we just kept drifting. After her second concussion, we stopped being intimate all together ... she was still convinced I had been with other women while we were apart, and demanded I get tested for STDs for her to trust me again. I let my pride get in the way, and should just have done it - but I had not been with or dated anyone else in the few weeks we were apart, and I couldn't get over that she still wouldn't trust me at my word.. after almost 4 years together, I still had to prove myself.
But I didn't, I was stubborn and dug my heels in - so our last potential shot at intimacy evaporated. We became basically platonic buddies ... we still loved each other, said we loved on another every day - but I always felt like I was chasing her, hoping for some kind of emotional connection or breakthrough or common ground that never manifested. By the time July rolled around, I was a total mess ... I felt completely alone, isolated, and like the person I knew and loved had drifted off, and there wasn't a way to get her back. For two months I said that I was really struggling, I was feeling really disconnected and that I missed her all the time - that I wanted to get back to baseline but didn't know how, and that I wanted her help or guidance. She said she felt like she was gradually getting back to where she started, but had no clear picture of how long that might take, and couldn't give me any kind of definitive answer if things would get better again - or how things might get better again.
It never happened. With another month-long work event looming on the horizon, and my stress levels climbing and climbing, I felt like I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Eventually, after one of our platonic dates, I had a full on breakdown, and tearfully told her how isolated I was feeling, how I felt like I'd lost her, and how I felt totally clueless how to fix things. She had no ideas to offer, no guidance on how to navigate any of this, and no suggestions how to get back to some kind of baseline. It all poured out from both sides ... she didn't feel like she could trust me ever since we'd got back together, I felt like she neve really let me back in. But we both agreed that that one thanksgiving had been amazing ... and we wished we could find a way back to that place - but had no idea how.
I told her I needed a month, or two, I needed to start seeing a therapist, I needed to put myself back together because I felt like I was falling apart. I told her I wished that we could take a breathe - and come back on more solid footing because I had fucked up when I broke things off before. I had come back from a place of sadness and desperation - and had not given either of us a chance to heal before trying to undo the damage I'd caused. I wanted to meet her on even footing, from a place of mutual strength and try again ...
To her, this was just me breaking up with her again.. which I tried to say "no, I don't want to lose you, but I'm fucked up and need to just right the ship a bit in my life because I am totally losing it ..." But, sometimes it doesn't matter. To her, I was leaving her again, giving up. I had no idea if she'd speak to me again, but I felt so broken I didn't know what else to do.
I took two months, without contact, and started seeing a therapist, started exercising again, got through my hell-month at work. I tried reaching out again to her, multiple times after that ... but I never heard back. A few months went by - I missed her more and more, I didn't heal or get better, I didn't feel like I'd done the right thing. My friends told me I had, my family was supportive - my friends especially have told me time and time again that ultimately, I did the right thing, that I did what was right 'for me' ... but to me, the reassurance didn't matter. There was a giant, gaping hole in my life that I had no idea what to do with. This was a woman I had wanted to marry, that I had wanted to life with, to build and share a life with -> and at one point, I know she wanted the same. I felt so terrible, and couldn't handle the memories of the place I was in, that I resigned from my job (which was ok, it was a horrible grind, that while it paid ok, didn't have any kind of upward mobility) .. and after a lot of thought, I moved back across the country because it was too painful for me to be in that place, surrounded by the memories - living with the ghosts. My friend group had been slowly dispersing, getting new jobs in new cities, having kids and getting on with life - and I didn't see a reason to stay anymore. I debated reaching out to my ex to let her know I was moving - but it had been months without a word, she had not responded to any of my attempts to talk to her, to meet her even for coffee, or to return the few things of hers I still had - and I knew that if I did reach out - it would ultimately be a selfish act, hoping that somehow she might say 'oh no, he's leaving for good' ... so I didn't. I'm still not sure if she knows I left.
I've been saying with family, slowly putting the pieces of my life back together. I'm taking classes, and plan on switching careers into a new field that I may actually am passionate about. I'll find my own place again in a month or two, but truth is I missed my family dearly, and have been helping both my aging parents with years of neglected repairs and yard work - and seeing my siblings and their families again after a decade of living on the opposite coast and getting to see them 'maybe' once a year around the holidays. Plus after paying insane rent to random landlords for over a decade, its been nice to have a few months of feeling grounded, and to put work into where I'm living. My family has been thrilled, and glad to have me around again.
But it's made no difference, really. I still think of her every day. Some days are easier than others, and I can manage to stay focused on classes and work and fitness - but in so many ways my life feels totally hollow now. I'm stuck wondering if I completely fucked up a good thing, and wasted what might have been my last shot at starting a family of my own, of having a real partner. I'm 41, realistically my chances get slimmer by the year. Or maybe I did totally the right thing, and I got out of a degenerating situation that had been nagging at me for months and months that something was deeply wrong. Or maybe it was somewhere in between those two poles. There's no way to know, and I'm limited to my own side, and my own perspective - and trapped in that middle ground of wondering how things "MIGHT" have gone had X Y or Z happened differently. I wish I had some kind of clarity, or certainty, but I don't.
I guess things are getting a bit easier, as the days and weeks and months go by - but its only by fractions of a degree. I miss her, or maybe just miss the person she used to be, if that person still exists. Head trauma is ... complicated - because the person looks the same, sounds the same ... but the person you knew, the person you fell in love with, isn't really the same person anymore. Its almost like, mourning the death of someone who is still alive, if that makes sense.
So here I am, taking it one day at a time, hoping for some brighter tomorrow, some slow healing or revelation or clarity that I did the right thing - but all I have are doubts. There's no closure to be found because all I ever got was silence. I've done everything people have recommended - focused on myself, focused on health and fitness, focus on learning new skills, on meeting new people, gone on dates, focused on family, focused on growing -> but it hasn't helped the giant, gaping hole in my life, and the never-ending uncertainty.
I expect no sympathy, or empathy ... and knowing reddit, I'll get a lot of people piling on to tell me what a piece of shit I am, lol'ing at how I fucked up my own life, and telling me she's better off without me. But then again sometimes even Reddit can surprise you with the insightful and thoughtful responses. More than anything, I just wanted to write this down somewhere, anywhere - to get it out of my head and my heart. Because the more it stews, the worse I feel. Thanks for reading, if you managed to make it this far.. its a long, messy, meandering story without any real ending. Will I hear from her again? Probably not. Will I get over her? Eventually I'm sure ... but what happens between now and then is anyone's guess. What ever it is, it'll happen on day, one moment at a time.
tldr; sometimes things just end - without someone cheating, or abusing the other person, or any real good way to sum it up. Life and relationships are long, complicated, nuanced and messy. Take care all, appreciate what you have while you have it, take it one day at a time

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I know that it not presenting things as political makes it hard to realise, but this is how re zero treats political events: the people who make history and shape the world around them are simply in the middle of a range of factors with the right connections to be able to affect change in that way, for the better or worse, to the point that someone like Reinhard who is basically distrusted and spied on/restricted through legislation to a ridiculous extent(him specifically going to another country would be treated as a declaration of war) even though he's very much wealthy, has a high status and a lot of blessings/power, can't actually change the world the way that Subaru does by the combination of having his moral compass drive him to learn about people and save their lives so often, a power which achieves that, and a factor which people often miss which is that he is literally a magnet for disasters. He has the witch's miasma on him, which draws both witchbeasts and the witch cult, his authorities also go against od lagna which gives people blessings reincarnates them etc and means that authority users(including Subaru who has permadied in one if story) do not reincarnate whereas others do. He is INCREDIBLY cursed and also cannot die while overly empathising enough to make other people not die around him, and in combination this puts him in the path of so many politically/historically important events without him actually intending some sort of systemic change.
And this is coming to a head in arcs 7 and 8: after being thrown into Vollachia with Rem and Louis and having the worst experiences where this time the enemy is no longer the witch cult but actual people who he can't dehumanise the way he has with them, Subaru in a child transformation decides he hates the empire and will destroy it. Now some people have said this has been entirely backtracked on since he is basically trying to save and redeem everyone he can and not doing anything like deposing the emperor, but that's basically always been his issue. His issue with Vollachia is people's lives being thrown away, so his form of destruction is just..this is where you realise his character has a dangerous trajectory right now...not allowing anyone to die. You see, Subaru's biggest drive has always been obsessing over how to correctly use his power, whether he chooses who lives or dies, what factors he's using to choose that if he does, and ever since arc 3 watching people die who he is unable to save still haunts him.
Before now, his rulebook where he basically only cares about non witch cult members and non say witchbeasts in terms of lives to protect has caused him no problems since ultimately, only kiling witch cultists and witchbeasts was enough to solve his problems and he didn't have to kill anyone himself. So he was an undeniable force for good in the eyes of everyone around him, but here he actually has enemies who he has to consider as people with a right to live as well, and yet who will absolutely slaughter other people based on those views. This is why I think arcs 7-8 are excellent, this is also why we now have so many more povs: you have enemies we're actually supposed to care about as people for a long time, those enemies actually being treated as people means there can be factions with different views in solving problems involving them whereas with witch cultists the answer to everyone would pretty unanimously be to kill them. But arc 7 meant Subaru had to deal with politics, it meant the people who shape that politics in Vollachia are just as important, and it's built this cast of characters who either come from the top or the very bottom of the empire, emperors generals and the prime minister together with gladiator slaves, rank and file soldiers and members of neglected tribes of demihumans and humans.
The tricky part is where Subaru's need to redeem everyone so that there doesn't have to be more loss of life comes into such a messy situation, he's been throwing his life away so excessively in order to achieve a perfect result with zero deaths but this is so obviously unsustainable and building more and more tension, between him committing suicide in front of Beatrice and Vincent and having that betrayal be revealed with one of the first times we see his many throwaway loops in arc 8, and the fact that Vincent without his knowledge secured Vollachia's future through the spirit Muspel being contracted to those sentenced to death as this contract is essentially a death sentence for anyone, but the spirit's presence is vital for the lands seemingly, with Muspel's power now being used in the apocalyptic event he's currently fighting.
So although I've often seen people who pay attention to the politics in re zero's world complain about it being thrown away or messages being thrown away, the reason why we are on this road where there have been many seeming redemptions where you wouldn't necessarily want them is because Subaru cannot accept actual people rather than witch cultists becoming enemies who he cannot get on his side and has to consider killing/letting them die. And this is inevitably going to come to a head now that Nagatsuki keeps firing more red flags about the situation, from the reveal of how often Subaru had killed himself to Vincent's hiding the contracted convicts, their relation to the great disaster, Roswaal seeing his chance to shape Subaru into someone more like him again, Otto recognising this and confronting him, Subaru refusing to get rid of his child transformation at one point, the Pleiades battalion who follow him still not knowing that he isn't the emperor's son, Pleiades also being safe as relatively ordinary people through Subaru's greed witch factor and an authority which has explicitly failed him before because of a lack of trust from the other parties...It's like a pot ready to boil over and I'm expecting this arc to be a tragic one in the end, more than any we've seen before, so if you read it right now and are disappointed about a character being redeemed or things being too happy or dropped motivations...just wait is all I'm saying.

Date: 05/16/2024

Reading time: 14 minutes, 2817 words

🪖 Military

Chamber of Deputies of Luxembourg unanimously adopts motion expressing support for Armenia

The Chamber of Deputies of Luxembourg unanimously adopted a motion expressing support for Armenia. The motion condemns the forced exodus of more than 100,000 Armenians from Nagorno-Karabakh as a result of Azerbaijan's military operation. It calls for the immediate release of Armenian PoWs by Azerbaijan.

Armenpress, Luxembourg lawmakers urge government to act for implementation of ICJ orders by Azerbaijan

Russia expels U.K. defense attache in tit-for-tat move

Russia has expelled Britain’s defense attache in a tit-for-tat response to the expulsion of one of its own diplomats from London last week. A. T. Coghill must leave the territory of the Russian Federation within a week.

Armenpress

Ruben Vardanyan's detention period was extended for another 5 months

Vardanyan was arrested on September 27, 2023, at the Azerbaijani checkpoint of Hakari Bridge. He was charged with three counts: financing terrorism, creating and participating in armed units and/or groups. Azerbaijan confirms presence of about 23 Armenian prisoners.

CivilNet, Azerbaijan extends Rune Vardanyan’s arrest by 5 months

Training sessions will be held from June 11 to August 30

From June 11 to August 30, training camps of reservists will be held in Armenia. Up to 5,151 citizens will be involved in the training sessions, of which 4,647 are rank-and-file and junior non-commissioned officers. It is planned to provide 45 units of road construction equipment.

CivilNet

🏛️ Politics & Government

An opposition figure was killed in Azerbaijan

Natig Mehdi, a member of the opposition Musavat party of Azerbaijan, was killed in Baku. Mehdi's disappearance was reported by his nephew on May 9, and his death was announced on May 14. His colleague Elsevar Islamov is accused of the murder. Islamov worked as a security guard at a Baku school, and Islamov was the school's deputy financial director.

CivilNet

Zelenskiy visits Kharkiv describing the situation there as “extremely difficult”

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy travelled to the northeastern Ukrainian city of Kharkiv on Thursday. He described the battlefield situation in the region as "extremely difficult" but under control. Zelenkiy postponed all his foreign trips on Wednesday as the situation deteriorated. Russia says it has taken control of 12 villages since it launched its attack.

Armenpress

Red Cross visits Armenian captives held in Azerbaijan

International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) representatives visited Armenian detainees in Azerbaijan. Among those detainees are representatives of the former military and political leadership of Nagorno-Karabakh. Baku officially confirms capture of 23 Armenians, 17 of whom ended up in Baku after Azerbaijan's military aggression last September.

Armenpress

France accuses Azerbaijan of interference in New Caledonia riots

France accuses Azerbaijan of ‘interference’ in politics of its Pacific territory of New Caledonia, which has seen deadly riots in recent days. Azerbaijan swiftly denies the charge, adding to a growing number of tensions between France and the hydrocarbon-rich Caspian Sea state. The riots were sparked by moves to agree a new voting law that supporters of independence say discriminates against the indigenous Kanak population.

ArmRadio

No new Armenia-Azerbaijan border created, the border existing at time of USSR collapse being reproduced – PM’s Office

No new border is being created between Armenia and Azerbaijan; rather, the existing de jure border at the time of the USSR’s dissolution is being reproduced. The border description is exactly as presented on the 1976 map.

ArmRadio

Armenia border residents dissatisfied with delimitation

Residents Kirants are dissatisfied with the results of the delimitation of the border between Armenia and Azerbaijan.

PanArmenian

Deputy Foreign Minister Paruyr Hovhannisyan receives EU Delegation

Deputy Foreign Minister Paruyr Hovhannisyan received the delegation led by Adrien Kirali, Director of Neighbourhood East and Institution Building of the European Commission. Interlocutors highly appreciated the Joint EU-US-Armenia high-level meeting held on April 5, 2024 in Brussels.

Armenpress, Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan meets with EU Trade Commissioner

Armenian, Jordanian Foreign Ministers express concerns over tense situation in the Armenian quarter of Jerusalem

Political consultations between the Ministries of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Armenia and The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan were held in Yerevan. The parties commended the current high level of political dialogue between Armenia and Jordan. The interlocutors exchanged views on the prospects of developing cooperation between the two countries.

Armenpress

Armenian Foreign Minister, PACE President exchange ideas on regional issues

The Minister of Foreign Affairs of Armenia Ararat Mirzoyan met with the President of the PACE Theodoros Rousopoulos in Strasbourg on May 16. The interlocutors exchanged views on the issues related to Armenia’s engagement in the Council of Europe.

Armenpress, Armenia involved in efforts to reopen regional communications: Mirzoyan

Prime Minister Pashinyan meets with World Bank and International Finance Corporation leadership

Nikol Pashinyan received the World Bank's Senior Managing Director Axel van Trotsenburg and International Finance Corporation (IFC) Regional Vice President Alfonso Garcia Mora. The progress of joint projects, as well as the potential for diversifying Armenia's economy, were discussed.

Armenpress

Speakers of the Parliaments of Armenia, Azerbaijan have brief conversation

Alen Simonyan and Sahiba Gafarova had a short conversation in Geneva. The main meeting of the speakers of the parliaments of the two countries is expected to take place in the evening.

Armenpress

Armenian Foreign Minister signs Oviedo Convention in Strasbourg

Minister of Foreign Affairs Ararat Mirzoyan signed Convention for the Protection of Human Rights and Dignity of the Human Being with regard to the Application of Biology and Medicine (Oviedo Convention) Armenia is the 37th country to join the Convention.

Armenpress, Armenia signs Council of Europe’s Bioethics Convention

Government approves housing provision program for Nagorno-Karabakh displaced people

The government approved the housing provision program for forcibly displaced persons from Nagorno Karabakh. Minister of Labor and Social Affairs Narek Mkrtchyan presented the relevant project.

Armenpress, The housing problem of Artsakh residents will be solved in 3 stages, 2-5 million drams will be given. the government accepted the plan, Armenian government approves program to support refugees from Nagorno-Karabakh

Armenia to establish Embassy in Cyprus

Armenia will establish an embassy in the Republic of Cyprus, the residence in Nicosia. The project was included in the package of non-reportable issues at the May 16 session of the government. The justification for the project states that the two countries accept each other as traditionally friendly countries.

Armenpress, Armenia will have an embassy in Cyprus, Armenia to open embassy in Cyprus, Armenia will open an embassy in Cyprus, Armenia to open Embassy in Cyprus

Legal basis for border delimitation with Azerbaijan relies on the last maps of the USSR- Pashinyan

Pashinyan: It was fundamental for Armenia not to create new borders, but to reproduce the borders previously confirmed by the Alma-Ata Declaration. The last maps of the Soviet Union, de jure having legal significance, he said.

Armenpress, In the issue of border demarcation, Armenia has adopted the principle of "the border passes where it passes". Pashinyan, The border demarcation commissions of Armenia and Azerbaijan signed a protocol, Pashinyan on Armenia-Azerbaijan border delimitation agreement: ‘I think it’s major success’, Pashinyan commented on the agreement reached with Azerbaijan on the issue of border demarcation in Tavush

Armen Grigoryan and Bogdan Klich discussed regional and extra-regional developments

Secretary of the Security Council of the Republic of Armenia Armen Grigoryan received the Chairman of the Committee on Foreign Affairs of the Senate of Poland Bogdan Klich. The parties discussed the Armenia-Poland bilateral agenda. Ideas were exchanged on the possibilities of expanding cooperation in various fields, particularly focusing on promoting trade and economic relations.

Armenpress

World leaders should steer clear of Baku climate conference unless political prisoners are released

Hrair Balian: World leaders who stand for a rules-based international order must decline participation in the 2024 United Nations Climate Change Conference (COP29) in Baku unless 23 Armenian political prisoners jailed illegally in Azerbaijan are released. Balian says Azerbaijan is one of the most corrupt despotisms on the planet. Azerbaijan wants to turn the COP29 into a “Cop of peace”, urging countries participating in the summit to observe a ‘Cop truce”

CivilNet

State revenue committee chairman meets with WBcolleagues

Chairman of the State Revenue Committee Rustam Badasyan met with his colleagues from the World Bank. The meeting discussed the progress of programs implemented with the assistance of the Bank. An agreement was reached on possible areas for further cooperation.

Armenpress

Slovakia's prime minister not in life-threatening condition – deputy PM

Slovak PM Robert Fico is no longer in a life-threatening condition after being shot several times, deputy prime minister says. Fico's surgery had gone "well" and he was "not in a [life-threatening situation] at this moment", deputy PM Tomas Taraba says. Earlier the defence minister said the prime minister was "fighting for his life" after being gravely injured in an attack.

Armenpress, Slovakia PM Robert Fico no longer in life-threatening condition – deputy PM

Healthcare Ministry to receive additional 3 billion AMD to cover government-paid services

The Armenian government has decided to provide the country’s Healthcare Ministry with an additional amount of 3 billion drams to cover government-paid medical services for citizens. Half of this money will be spent on aid to low-income families, 400 million on emergency aid, 500 million on hemodialysis, 300 million on cancer treatment, 200 million on transplantation, and 100 million on treating infectious diseases.

ArkaAm

Yerevan Mayor visits Missak Manouchian’s tomb at French Pantheon

The official delegation led by Yerevan Mayor Tigran Avinyan visited the French Pantheon, where the remains of French national hero Misak Manouchian and his wife Meline are buried. The ceremony took place on February 21, on the occasion of the 80th anniversary of the execution of the executed soldiers.

ArmRadio

💵 Economy

EEU membership is beneficial for Armenia- Pankin

Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs of the Russian Federation Alexander Pankin said participation in the Eurasian Economic Union (EEU) is beneficial for Armenia. He said the growth of the Armenian economy and its involvement in the flows of commodity production cooperation is statistically confirmed by various indicators.

Armenpress

Granting market status to Armenia's economy discussed in USA

Armenian Economy Minister Gevorg Papoyan met with U.S. officials in Washington. Focus was on Armenia-US bilateral trade and granting Armenia the status of a market economy. In January-March 2024, the Armenian-American trade turnover amounted to more than $108.9 million (37.4% decrease compared to the first quarter of last year)

ArkaAm

''Learn & Work: YSU Expo- 2024'' launched at Yerevan State University

"Learn & Work: YSU Expo- 2024" has gathered applicants, students, graduates, university divisions, and employers under one roof. The Zangezur Copper Molybdenum Combine CJSC has joined the Expo with great pleasure. The mining industry is one of the most important branches of Armenia's economy.

Armenpress

Byblos Bank Armenia celebrates Students' Day with scholarship recipients

Yerevan State University students who received scholarships from Byblos Bank Armenia gathered to meet with the Bank's CEO, Hayk Stepanyan. The Bank and the university have a history of successful collaboration. 10 YSU students were granted nominal scholarships of AMD 1 million each, while five others received tuition reimbursement.

ArkaAm, Byblos Bank Armenia celebrates Students' Day with scholarship recipients

EBRD and EU boost funding for Armenian firms via Inecobank

The EBRD is providing a US$ 7 million loan to Inecobank for on-lending to Armenian firms. The EU is complementing this support with grant incentives of up to 15 per cent and free local and international consultancy services. At least 70 per cent of loans provided to Ineco Bank will be allocated towards funding investments in green technologies.

ArkaAm, EBRDis providingUS$ 10 million financial package to ArmSwissBank for on-lending to Armenian MSMEs, EBRD plans to invest up to 500 million euros in Armenia in 2024

EBRD President Odile Renaud-Basso re-elected for a second term during annual meeting in Yerevan

Odile Renaud-Basso re-elected for a second term as the bank's president. The EBRD is the leading institutional investor in Armenia. The bank has invested more than €2.1 billion in 211 projects in the country’s financial, corporate, infrastructure and energy sectors.

ArkaAm, EBRD Governors re-elect President Odile Renaud-Basso for a second term

Ardshinbank hostspanel discussion on economic and trade sanctions as part of 33rd EBRD Business Forum

Ardshinbank organized a panel discussion on economic and trade sanctions. The main objective of the discussion was to exchange views and assist participants in the practical implementation of sanctions compliance. The meeting also discussed the role of financial institutions in ensuring sanctions compliance, mechanisms for collaboration between the public and private sectors in combating sanctions evasion, and the importance of information transparency.

ArkaAm, Ardshinbank held a panel discussion on economic and trade sanctions within the framework of the 33rd EBRD conference (PHOTO)

Armenian customs find amphetamine in package from US, suspect detained

90 pills of amphetamine found in package sent from U.S. to Yerevan Zvartnots Airport. The package was sent via Globbing Shipping forwarder company. The drug, fully banned in Armenia, was found inside the package alongside edibles and personal items.

ArkaAm, SRC found 90 amphetamine tablets in a shipment sent from the USA to Yerevan (VIDEO)

Donations to Armenia:

Himnadram
ServicemenFund
Armenian Wounded Heroes
ArmeniaFund

https://x.com/Boostio/status/1248904913771528192
Thought you guys might enjoy this. Doing some research of a news piece on Boostio and found this tweet from April 2020. Nadeshot tweeted that he needed 4 for a VALORANT tournament, and Boostio quote RTd saying "please give me a chance I will own."
Pretty cool!

Hi there， (Purple) Thank you for contacting TikTok. (purple) For security purposes, please reply with the information below to verify the ownership of the account: (Purple)- Sign-up date (month and year) (Purple)- Registered login location (city and country) (Purple)- First used login device (phone model) (Purple)- First bound phone number (even if you no longer have access to it) (Purple)- First bound email address (even if you no longer have access to it) (Purple)- Bound Facebook/Instagram/TwitteGoogle/VK/Apple account's username at the time the TikTok account was set up (a screenshot of the logged-in profile page is recommended) (Grey)

Francis Ford Coppola’s ‘Megapolis’ - Review Thread

• Metacritic: 62 (12 Reviews)
• Rotten Tomatoes: 45% (11 Reviews)

Reviews:
Variety (50):

To call this garish, idea-bloated monstrosity a mere “fable” is to grossly undersell the project’s expansive insights into art, life and legacy.

Hollywood Reporter (60):

It’s windy and overstuffed, frequently baffling and way too talky, quoting Hamlet and The Tempest, Marcus Aurelius and Petrarch, ruminating on time, consciousness and power to a degree that becomes ponderous. But it’s also often amusing, playful, visually dazzling and illuminated by a touching hope for humanity.

Deadline:

Megalopolis represents a rare kind of event movie that reinvents the possibilities of cinema to the extent that, halfway through, there’s a very audacious gimmick that tears down the fourth wall in ways younger filmmakers can only dream of. Coppola breaks many of the cardinal rules of filmmaking in the film’s 138 minutes but it upholds the most important one: it is never, ever boring, and it will inspire just as many artists as the audiences it will alienate.

IndieWire (B+):

With “Megalopolis,” he crams 85 years worth of artistic reverence and romantic love into a clunky, garish, and transcendently sincere manifesto about the role of an artist at the end of an empire. It doesn’t just speak to Coppola’s philosophy, it embodies it to its bones. To quote one of the sharper non-sequiturs from a script that’s swimming in them: “When we leap into the unknown, we prove that we are free.”

The Guardian (2/5):

Francis Ford Coppola’s question – can the US empire last forever? – may be valid but flashes of humour cannot rescue this conspiracy thriller from awful acting and dull effects

LA Times:

In a larger sense, Coppola has moved from the cynicism of his greatest films like “The Conversation” and “Apocalypse Now” — so much power doing so much corrupting — and into something that could fairly be called utopian. I’m not sure if that’s what I want from him as an artist, but I thrill to his unbowed aspiration. He’s not going out with something tame and manicured, but an overstuffed, vigorous, seething story about the roots of fascism that only an uncharitable viewer would call a catastrophe. Rather, it feels like a city. It may be the most radical film he’s ever done. He dedicates it to his late wife, who would have smiled at the evidence of her husband still doing his thing 45 years later.

Rolling Stone (80):

Say what you will about this grand gesture at filtering Edward Gibbon’s history lessons through a lens darkly, it is exactly the movie that Coppola set out to make — uncompromising, uniquely intellectual, unabashedly romantic (upper-case and lower-case R), broadly satirical yet remarkably sincere about wanting not just brave new worlds but better ones.

Vanity Fair:

Megalopolis is too confused a film to make a truly odious or dangerous point. (Though the ending of the Vesta plotline is somewhat alarming.) This is the junkiest of junk-drawer movies, a slapped together hash of Coppola’s many disparate inspirations.

The Telegraph (80):

Aubrey Plaza is fantastic in this full-body sensory bath movie which follows a struggle for power among the elites of New Rome.

Screen Daily (40):

But the amount of stray ideas and themes that are introduced, then abandoned — such as the fact that Cesar has the ability to stop time — leave Megalopolis feeling like an unwieldy mess. Cesar and Cicero’s showdown over New Rome is handled in terribly disjointed ways, and the attempts by supporting characters to grasp power add to the picture’s cluttered construction. In recent years, few auteurs have dreamed as boldly as Coppola has with this film, but some visions, as Megalopolis’ characters discover, are doomed to failure.

The Wrap:

After four decades in the making, “Megalopolis” plays as a frustrating and paradoxical affair. The film is expertly assembled and sleepily directed all at once; it wows with its imagination and erudition all while leaving you little more than bemused.

Collider (4/10):

Much like the city being built in the film, it’s all more interesting in theory than it ever is in actuality. Now that we will all have the chance to take it in for ourselves, the greatest revelation is that there just isn’t that much there to see.

Written and Directed by Francis Ford Coppola:

An accident destroys a decaying metropolis called New Rome. Cesar Catilina, an idealist architect with the power to control time, aims to rebuild it as a sustainable utopia, while his opposition, corrupt Mayor Franklyn Cicero, remains committed to a regressive status quo. Torn between them is Franklyn's socialite daughter, Julia, who, tired of the influence she inherited, searches for her life's meaning.

Cast:

• Adam Driver as Cesar Catilina
• Giancarlo Esposito as Mayor Franklyn Cicero
• Nathalie Emmanuel as Julia Cicero
• Aubrey Plaza as Wow Platinum
• Shia LaBeouf as Clodio Pulcher
• Jon Voight as Hamilton Crassus III
• Jason Schwartzman as Jason Zanderz
• Talia Shire as Constance Crassus Catilina
• Grace VanderWaal as Vesta Sweetwater
• Laurence Fishburne as Fundi Romaine
• Kathryn Hunter as Teresa Cicero
• Dustin Hoffman as Nush "The Fixer" Berman
• Sonia Ammar
• Chloe Fineman
• Madeleine Gardella
• Balthazar Getty
• Bailey Ives
• Isabelle Kusman
• James Remar
• D. B. Sweeney

I will try to write it not too long, but I have too. As someone who is mentally ill, I was trying to find out what is wrong with me, changing medications...but I can see now that I'm not depressed, just sad. And telling it may help me, even if no one will read it. But even I can't tell everything, it's interesting story.
We were almost for 3 years in ldr (37F&M). I was never lucky in love, never could be with someone I loved, even they loved me too. Became a single mother (after 15 years he is crying how stupid he was). I got even married, I was pregnant and quite happy, I tried to make it work, but nothing in the marriage wasn't working. We didn't have anything in common, sex few times a year, then nothing. When I was 34, I was fine and satisfied. I had a great job, good money, looked great, 2 amazing children, accepted that I had to divorce and that I will stay alone because of my previous experinces.
Soon, I met a guy in a facebook group. We just started talking, he seemed to be much younger, so I was relaxed. But we had always a lot to talk about, soon spending whole nights talking. It took few months, until we had realized we felt in love. I was damaged from previous relationships, didn't trust anyone, didn't beleive in love. I was trying to run from it, but it wasn't possible. During the time, I'd found a lot about him, we was using profile of someone else, had very hard childhood (he is from poorer country than me), did bad things as young, had to leave the country to save his life. So much damaged. This caused a lot of hard fights between us of course, but we were able to get over it. And it was going better by the time when many things got clear, we were able to trust each other. Every free moment, we were talking. Often whole nights. We had the same plans for future, the same opinions, we could talk nonstop without being bored. And planned our future together even it was difficult. We met in person after two years and it was amazing. We were like happy married couple. He was so caring for me, so much in love. Even we had such strong desire for each other (and had the same intimate preferences, which was huge win for me), we spent a lot of time walking, drinking and talking for whole nights. And after few days, I had an incident, I broke few bones. I was in terrible pain, but still joking, but he was so scared and shaking, taking all care for me, carrying my handbag in hospital, taking care for everything. We were first time together and for few days when it happened. Many men would be annoyed by this, many wouldn't help so much. I saw that this man was really a treasure.
When I had to leave, it was heartbreaking for us both. I thought I would be able to visit him soon again. But it wasn't possible. He lives in a poor country, not able to go abroad. And I lost my job. I had enough money for long time, but not to travel abroad. I got more depressed, because even as a top qualified, I couldn't find a new job. I still had to live in my ex hb's apartment (I can't move outside the city because of children now). Started drinking too much. But we were going through this all together. Getting rid of alcohol addiction together.
Someone could ask, I had several plans how to do it future. Everything legally, considering my children. There's a solution for everything. I loved him so much and he proved me his incredible love to so many times. But recently, he started to be really desperate. So much missing me. Sometimes begging me to do crazy things like to take children and go to him. But I couldn't do it of course. He wanted me to come to him in certain time soon, but I didn't know if it would be possible. He offered to pay for me and there I may made a mistake, I refused, I wanted to have my own money. I told him it wouldn't be possible probably. I was trying to find a solution, but I couldn't promise anything.
We were still be so in loved and devoted to each other. I don't care about the circumstances and his past, because he had such good heart and loved me so much. He was the first one who told me "I love you" and I could tell him the same. He was such an amazing partner, worth all the effort. He was Orthodox, I'm baptised. But I planned to do it because he wanted to have a wedding in a church and I liked this church. We were even talking about it just few day before we spent night talking, drunk, he was finally able to talk about his pain from his previous life. And suddenly he told me he wanted be a muslim. He find the love of Allah. And how he is the most and like this. I didn't expect it, I was stunned, angry when he was talking that Allah was the most important for him. It was always me. We got in fight. Nothing extraordinary, but the next day I day a very difficult time. I told him sorry for my bad words. I had extremely difficult the whole week, one of most difficult in my life. And he didn't talk to me at all. I needed him, he was the closest person for me. After the week, I tried to talk to him. And it was a disaster. I got a lecture how I was disrespectful to his God (actually not to his God, but to him), he was so awful, arrogant and sniffy. Talked like an ISIS member. It got better in the next days. I saw still love to me in him. I was trying to get used to it, that he became a Muslim, but I didn't want it had any effect on our relationship and future family life. I didn't want to leave him. We had good days, bad days. But it couldn't work. He was still going to be such an arrogant awful person. I tried to be nice to him, but he was behaving like I was annoying him. He isn't the person I loved anymore. He was always loving, with good heart, devoted to me. It was enough for me. But this person doesn't exist anymore. I miss him so much, our love, his smile, his voice, talking with him. He was planning to ask me to marry him this summer. It would be the most beautiful time in my life, I had been dreaming about it, a man I love would ask me to marry him. I miss his face and smile. I saw him last time 3 weeks ago. I miss everything. Him, his and our love. Our time spent together even for long distance. Our future. I lost everything.
I know this person I loved doesn't exist anymore. He is still drinking, doing crazy stuff. But Allah is more worth than me. He showed that I was annoying to him. It's not the person I knew. It's someone totally else. I miss him so much. I know he doesn't exist anymore. But I'm still so sad and desperate for my love.

Hello everyone.
A week ago I was rear ended at a stoplight, and it damaged my rear bumper (but only my rear bumper). Instead of calling the police right then and there, I got the girls license plate and phone number and told her I would talk to her in the morning. The damage was minor enough that I could still finish my 12 hour road trip and frankly I was exhausted.
Over this past weekend I got a few quotes that all fell somewhere between $1200 and $1600. Seeing this, me and the girl both agreed that if i replaced the bumper myself (for $510), she would pay out of pocket. I thought it was over, so i ordered the used bumper. I ordered the bumper before receiving payment because I am moving across country next week and wanted to get it out of the way (stupid probably). I should’ve claimed it on insurance immediately, but mistakes happen.
I haven’t received a text back since…
What happens if I claim this on my insurance while also using the bumper I have already ordered. The vehicle is paid off and I live in Florida. Will insurance write me a check and allow me to use those funds at my own discretion (fixing myself vs auto body).
Thank you for reading, could just use some advice.

Just joined this group and would be grateful for any advice as I'm posting for my dad who is obviously not a reddit user. My dad owns a small home renovation business and he's been flipping overstock tools/appliances for years. He's kinda old school, only publishes on Facebook marketplace or within his personal network and makes decent cash for a side hustle.
Recently he bought like 200 tools and appliances from a local store that was closing down (they basically said 'you have to take everything'). Now his entire garage is stuffed floor to ceiling and he can't buy anything new until he clears out what he already has. So he wants to sell everything in one go and asked me to help list it online. He lives in the USA, but I live in a different country so can only help him remotely. I was thinking ebay, nextdoor, craigslist, but I've been living outside the States so long Idk if any of these are even viable platforms.
Any tips would be much appreciated.

multiple content warnings, i’m sorry, this will be long, this isn’t even everything and it’s a damn book i am 19. i was 11 when i had to grow up. my parents decided to divorce after months of fighting, letting us know a week before my 12th birthday. you know, the classic divorce story. my dad moved out and my mom started dating people. it moved so fast. we moved to a different area, even though we had just moved into a new house a year earlier, leaving my childhood hometown behind. my mom was trying to pursue school so we were living on student aid and stamps. (i have 3 siblings, so there were 5 of us) i started middle school in that area and was doing pretty well off. then my mom got pretty serious with someone i’m going to call SOB, he doesn’t deserve a name. my mom and SOB were dating for two months before that thing proposed to my mom. we met him once before he was labeled our step dad. my mom sat us down and told us we’d be moving to idaho to be closer to her family. come to find out, the whole reason for going there was because SOB is an ex convict and he couldn’t leave idaho because that’s were his parole was.
we were told at the time that he was framed for kidnapping and he had a whole story crafted to back it up. being a kid and needing my mom, i didn’t ask or dig about it. so we moved to idaho. i started school there and immediately got death threats. i got called a hoe relentlessly for seemingly being pretty. eventually things calmed down and i had friends, but that place was tiny and once people have formed an opinion of you, there’s no changing it, so it was hard to get around.
SOB was awful to my younger brother. we’ll call this brother zayn. zayn has bad adhd and has always struggled with school. he’s one of the smartest people i know, but getting assignments in is not his forte. so as a result he’s never had the highest grades. SOB hated the fact that my brother wasn’t doing great and would literally stand there and scream at him to get his work done. there was one time that i was in my room and i started to hear my brother screaming so immediately i’m upstairs to help him, SOB was literally chasing my brother around our house with a damn bat screaming at him like a demon was coming out. i yelled at him to leave my brother alone and things just got darker after that. me and my brother were scum to him and he ran our house like the hunger games. my other little brother and my older sister were prized jewels, they got everything they wanted and more, and SOB would rub it in our faces. he even gave my dog away, i went days worrying about her and looking because i thought she had ran away, to find out that some other person had my dog now and i wouldn’t ever get her back.
fasting forward a little, SOB violated his parole by going on a trip that wasn’t fully approved and got put back in jail right before christmas. my mom completely threw herself into trying to get him out. me and my sister noticed that my mom hadn’t gotten a single thing to be santa for my brothers, so we scraped up the money we had to get gifts so my brothers wouldn’t lose their christmas spirit seeing that santa didn’t come when things were already so bad as it was. i love that i was able to do this for them, the smiles on their faces, i will never forget that christmas.
after a long time of having a very absent mother, she was able to get SOB out of jail. he came back even worse of a monster then when he left. he sexually assaulted my mom, committed all kinds of fraud, basically stole all of my papa’s retirement money, the list goes on. my mom decided she wanted a divorce and when he found out, he went crazy. he locked all of us out of our house and threw our things on the lawn. it rained, i lost so many things, a one of a kind paper mache venitian mask i had gotten on a trip with my dad to italy included.
it’s 2020 by now and we went on a trip to Texas, to meet the person my dad was dating. on the trip, I very much learned that she was not for my dad. but, all reasoning was in vain. my dad proposed, and we had literally just met her. so that was that my dad was engaged now and focused on trying to move them out to him and getting a new house. my mom decided at that time that she wanted to move too so we had a choice, move to my dads and go back to the area i grew up in, or go with my mom to another ranch town in idaho. i chose my dads. my brothers came with, but my sister stayed with my grandparents where we lived in idaho so she could graduate.
things were fine for a bit. my mom was dating a lot and even got engaged. then she told us about this other guy she had been seeing, who had given her a 500 mile ride home from somewhere. immediately suspicious, especially because she wouldn’t drop a name. come to find out other guy was SOB. SOB proposes to her again and she’s got two engagement rings from two different people. everyone was like, what the actual shit are you doing. my mom was in a very cooky state of mind, broke things off with the other guy, and stayed with SOB. there was a weekend in september that my cousin had something going on so my extended family and everything was all there and we decided there needed to be some kind of intervention. to keep things short, it didn’t go well. my mom ended up leaving and she told me and my sister that she didn’t want to be our mom anymore. found out through facebook a couple days later that my mom and SOB were married.
then came the everlasting fun of a custody battle. my step mom had gotten into my dads head saying he needed to take full custody. now i wasn’t the biggest fan of my mom at the time, but that didn’t mean i never wanted to see her. my parents hated each other. there were a few times in exchanges that the cops ended up being called.
for a while my dad had pretty bad anger issues. low blood sugar, overstimulation, bad smells, anything could set him off. i just so happened to have a very large target on my back so i got the brunt of everything. i wouldn’t let him yell at my brothers and this resulted in me getting the lashings, but i would do it all again if that meant protecting my brothers. he wasn’t angry all the time, there were a lot of good days, but it was definitely pretty tortuous for a while. a lot of the problem, which i knew would happen to begin with, was my step mom. she is one of the laziest people i’ve ever known, which is the complete opposite of my dad. my dad likes to do things, he’s always active. so he was frustrated because he would want to do things with his wife there, and she would almost always refuse, so she could have a quiet day in bed. my step mom had also convinced herself that i was stealing from her. she ransacked my room multiple times, to no avail. she took my car keys ‘until she could prove i was taking things from her’ and i only got them back because they were sick of giving me rides places. she actually ended up stealing some of my things trying to claim they were hers, so she hid them and i haven’t seen them since.
so yeah i got yelled at a lot, accused of being a thief, and my relationship with my mom was shit + the joys of high school. i have been doing musical theater my whole life. when i first got to my new high school i was so excited because, although i wasn’t able to audition for the productions companies that year, the teacher told me i was a shoe in for the next year. she ended up leaving and we got a new teacher, if you can even call her that. so it’s my junior year, the first year with her, and it wasn’t bad, i got some good parts and did really well. i ended up getting nominated for an award for one of my performances and it was at this time, i don’t know what happened, but she did not like me anymore. she told me that she accepted the nomination for me, but i found out not too long later that she never accepted it and i was in favor to win so the judges were very puzzled by it. she accepted my friends nominations and kinda rubbed it in my face that i never got anything back. like’ awe are you sad because you didn’t hear anything from the judges? well so and so over here did😈’
the summer after that year i cut my hair pretty short. i wouldn’t say i’m not ‘girly’ but i definitely have a more masculine ‘bro’ persona comparatively. so now it’s my senior year, it matters a lot more at this point to try for good parts because it’s my last run. to keep it simple, my teacher wouldn’t cast me because i was too masculine, not even as a guy ?? idk make it make sense. i got one part my entire senior year, and i know it’s not because i’m bad. but i wrote and produced my own show that ended up being 100x the quality of the shows she produced, so i did get redemption. long story short, it really sucks to watch the peers your just as good as continue to succeed, while you get kicked out of the room for being distracting when you haven’t said a word. the reason they didn’t like me ? i’m good at improv, i kid you not i was told i was too creative and it bothered them. i know my presence scared the teachers there because i’m not a classic conformist theater kid that does anything and everything the teacher says.
anyways, so after years of trying to rekindle a relationship with my mom, fighting with an ass teacher and getting yelled at almost daily, a lot of worth questioning, and a flurry of weed later, i graduated.
both of my brothers in this time attempted to end their lives and were in facilities for a bit. i decided at that time to move in with my mom to hopefully help our relationship. it did a lot. me and my mom are best friends now. but it hasn’t been because of nothing. SOB had become the most controlling narcissistic asshole and my mom was just acting having any feelings for him so he wouldn’t take everything away from her. he monitored everything my mom did. he hit my mom in an intimate moment, and almost beat zayn, but i covered him and ended up slicing my arm open on our fireplace, once again i would do this 100 times over to protect my brother. i decided i wanted to dig everything up on him that i could. what i found was mortifying. i won’t go into too much detail, but there were a lot of charges, multiple of them being SA of a child. i vowed at that moment that i would do anything it takes to get him back behind bars. he’s actively on the offender list and he works across the street from a preschool, not on my fukin watch ass hat.
i will never forget the true terror on my moms face that that man caused. it got to the point where my mom would get really scared if she started crying because she knew he’d freak out at her if he noticed. i came back to my locked room, that i have the only key to, with holes in my walls in weird places, and in my bathroom too. a couple days before, my brother found a camera in his room, so i knew what it was and that SOB was spying on me. i taped them all up and came to stay at my bfs house and have been here since. after months of his treacherous cycle my mom had enough and left to a safe house, she’s there now. the divorce is going though but from some reason the stupid system denied my mom a protective order against him. he has full access to our house and things right now, and he’s trying to make 90,000 so he can baile his way out of the insurance fraud case against him that could get him back in jail in june. i’m so worried he’s selling my things because he so would. everything i have left is in that house and it’s all at his whim now.
when i moved in with my mom, i started a job at a fancy high end restaurant because i knew it would be good money. i’ve had problems with this my entire life, but ever since starting my job there, i have experienced countless creeps who have sexualized me in more ways then i thought possible. it’s made me feel so worthless. it’s people i work with and people who come in. drunk guys from the bar are the worst, and they’re all filthy rich so they don’t care about a thing in the world. i need to quit but i don’t know where else to go
my dad has now decided as of like two weeks ago, that he will be moving to florida. i never anticipated him moving across the country and leaving the last place i could call home. he also started therapy a couple months ago and his anger issues are pretty much nonexistent at this point. so i got my dad back but now he’s leaving again. i always hoped that as i got older, my family would always be pretty close, close enough that i could seem them once a week if i wanted. it’s really killing me because i was so close to that, to getting my family back. my sister has been in france the last couple years and she’s coming back in a couple weeks. my dad will be moving almost immediately after. we finally got to a point where my mom is free, my dad is happy, we’re all healing, and now my family will be broken up more then ever before by distance. my parents don’t hate each other anymore, my sister is coming home, we would all be able to spend time together again, never more.
so i’m at this point now, where i’ve been fighting for my family, taking every hit with hope in my heart for something i was so close to having, for 7 years i’ve been hoping. and just like that, the light at the end of this very long, cold and dark tunnel fades, and i’m left once again, in the cold dark nothingness that is hoping for a better day, that will never come.
so i’m left questioning, is overcoming another mountain worth it if there’s a whole range of painful climbing ahead of me? i’m so tired, my whole body hurts every day, my mind and soul are toiled with the pain of my lifetime, everyone in my family is moving on with their own paths and it’s only a matter of time before i’m only hearing from them every once in a while. i don’t want to do life, the world is so messed up right now and i don’t see it getting better. there’s too much pain and i can’t handle it. nothing seems worth hoping let alone living for anymore. i bid you adieu and wish you all the best 💗