I have two paths and I have to make a decision in 3 days. My dad says go for what your gut is telling you. I don't know what my gut is telling me.
First Path: If I go to grad school and do the GA job for the soccer team, I am setting myself up for a career as a collegiate soccer coach. That path is easier to me. I know how to do school and I know how to do soccer (although not as a coach yet) as that's all I have done my entire life. This path is comfortable to me, secure, scares me less.
Second Path: The ranch position scares me. It is unstable as in 3 months I must find another position. The ranch puts me in a situation I have never experienced before. Forces me to learn things I have never learned about. It is new and exciting and scary. But if I did it, I would do everything to learn the most I can. Learn how to career climb in the hospitality industry. Learn how to give people an experience as that is something I love to do.
If there was a crystal ball that told me the outcome to each of these paths and one told me I will be a successful collegiate head coach in 10 years and the other told me I will own my own hospitality experience, I would choose the path to owning my own hospitality experience. What does that tell me? Could I ever have both? Do you know that fig tree poem by Sylvia Plath?
I guess my questions are, can seasonal work turn into a lifelong career? Where could I end up? Will I be wasting the opportunity to go to grad school being a Grad Assistant (GA) for the soccer team taking the next step to being a collegiate coach? The collegiate coach dream of mine is because it is comfortable to me, i know i would be good at it, and I could see myself doing it forever. But part of me wants to be free and adventure and work those long hard seasonal jobs in case I learn something or meet someone and it takes my life in a direction I never even would have imagined.
Hope any of you can help me.

Hello!
I'm currently a student nurse who graduates in December and I was offered a PCT position at Loyola Medical Center in Maywood and at Rush Hospital in downtown Chicago. I aim to work as a new grad at the hospital I choose to work at so I was hoping someone with experience working at either could help me out.
My big pull to Rush is that they pay for your BSN (I'm in an ADN program) in full right away through Lewis University and they pay for a large portion of graduate school too. I have also heard many good things about how well they treat their nurses.
For Loyola, I had my Med Surg II clinicals there and really enjoyed it too. I was told they will train me in phlebotomy (they have no phlebotomists there so PCTs do the blood draws) and as an EKG tech, which I would like could of the experience. I cannot find much about tuition reimbursement except that they'll pay if you work full time after a year. I really enjoyed the high acuity of Loyola and how they're a level I trauma center (I need level I experience for graduate school while Rush is not level I).
Any advice is helpful, thank you everyone!

I’ll get straight to the point. New grad offered 2 psych positions. One here in OR, and at Seattle children’s. The pay is $2 an hour difference. ($47 at Seattle) which does seem a bit low, but they have no income tax. If I stayed here I’d get to save a lot more money not only not being in Seattle but I still live at home and pay only $900 for rent vs at least $1700 in Seattle. The main thing that is making it hard for me to pass up Seattle is the prestigie of the hospital. Psych is my dream and I feel like it’s a better facility as it’s very well known and people say how hard it is to land a job there. Should I go with the more financially sound choice? Or take the leap and try Seattle?

I am an avid modder for a number of games, and am looking to enter modding for EU4. However, this game, like most paradox games, uses dated file management and does not support patch operations. Currently, in order to make a change to the cost of a building, one has to edit the entire file. Compare that to games supporting xml patch operations, such as Rimworld, where a single line can be targeted and changed without affecting anything else. I am preparing to design a program that takes patch operations as inputs and modifies the game files as its own mod.
With all that said, I am also quite new to Paradox modding, and would appreciate insight from my seniors in this field. Am I overestimating the value of patch operations? Would such a program be useful for the community? I would be grateful for any advice you have.

(Crossposted from wine_gaming.) Hello, all. I'm having trouble running Nioh 2 on Artix Linux after a major system upgrade (i.e., motherboard, CPU, memory change; also programs moved to a new, separate drive mounted to the same directory). I managed to get it working perfectly long before the upgrade, but when time came to reinstall Wine and Lutris, things went ugly: the game wouldn't ever make it past a black screen. Here are the error logs under two variations of the settings that once worked:
Nioh 2 Wine Error w/ DXVK: https://pastebin.com/2j8mczdt Nioh 2 Wine Error w/o DXVK: https://pastebin.com/Qa6Fr9Zj Nioh 2 Wine Error w/o DXVK, accompanying Windows error message: https://pastebin.com/BcbUkPPv
With DXVK, the game's window doesn't even come up. Without it, it does, but it crashes before anything shows. Here is some system information:
CPU: Ryzen 9 7950X Memory: 128 GB OS: Artix Rolling GPU: Radeon RX 6950 XT GPU Driver: AMDGPU Mesa Version: Mesa 24.0.6-arch1.2 Display Server: Xorg DE: Xfce
If any other information is needed, please ask. Help would be much appreciated.

This is not an ad, nor a piece to sway you to use AI LLMs (fancy abbreviation for Large Language Models) to do your reading for you...
I'd like you to view this post as a portal to what's coming. More and more people will use the tools in question to summarise lenghty and complex topics to ease their daily struggles. Not everyone has the time to follow the subject thoroughly, on a daily, or even a weekly basis.
Personally, after following "The Subject" for quite a while, and being quite impartial myself, I've ran into the mentioned episode of the GTS...I'm a readewatcher myself, and been playing with AIs recently.
Made me wonder: is current tech, especially LLMs like 4o, capable of being unbiased and as close to the available material as possible? Are there any lines in the sand for those? Any limitations? Forced replies, maybe? Controlled speech?...
I'll leave that up to you to decide in the comments.
Please let me know if you'd like me to run more of these tests, as this is important for future users of this tech, imo. It's coming sooner than we all think and it's paramount that we all keep up with it. Sounds ominous to some extent, but that's the truth.
Btw, 4o advised me to revise this post's format for more karma...bloody thing 😆 Worst part is that it's most probably true 😋 Didn't do it, thought. It's all me. For now, at least...
If you've red so far, here's the conversation I've had. I've used the new voice recognition and reply functionality, so it was an organic experience to me. No edits were made afterwards, except for below transcript. I have an OCD...
It's quite lengthy, though.
"Reddit UFOs Summary
16 May 2024
OP: Could you go online and make a summary of the most interesting posts on Reddit, particularly subreddit UFOs from the past 24 hours?
ChatGPT: It seems I'm unable to access the Reddit pages directly. However, you can easily check the latest posts on the UFOs subreddit by visiting UFOs. This subreddit typically features user-submitted content including videos, photos, personal sightings, and discussions about recent UFO news and theories.
OP: What seems to be the issue for you accessing Reddit?
ChatGPT: The issue likely stems from the browsing tool's current limitations in accessing and interacting with certain sites, including Reddit. This can be due to various reasons, such as changes in the website's structure or access restrictions.
For real-time browsing and detailed subreddit content, visiting the UFOs subreddit directly will provide you with the most accurate and up-to-date posts.
OP: With access to YouTube, can you summarize YouTube videos?
ChatGPT: Yes, I can summarize YouTube videos. Please provide the link to the video you want summarized, and I'll give you an overview of its content.
OP: Try to access the Good Troubles Show regarding Lou Elizondo and summarize it for me.
Searched 5 sources
ChatGPT: The Good Trouble Show, hosted by Matt Ford, recently featured Lou Elizondo, a former director of the Pentagon's Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program (AATIP), known for his insights into UFOs and UAPs (Unidentified Aerial Phenomena). Here are some key points from the show and related content:
Insight into UAPs:
Lou Elizondo provided a detailed Q&A session discussing the nature of UAPs, the challenges in identifying them, and their potential implications for national security. He emphasized the importance of understanding the advanced technologies that UAPs might represent and the need for continued investigation and transparency in this area​ (YouTube).
Collaboration with Experts:
In another segment, Elizondo had a conversation with NASA astronaut Terry Virts. They discussed their experiences and perspectives on UAP sightings, particularly focusing on incidents involving military personnel and the potential scientific explanations for these phenomena​ (YouTube)​.
Public and Governmental Reactions:
The show also explored the broader reactions to the increasing reports of UAP sightings, including the responses from the public, media, and government agencies. Elizondo highlighted the evolving perception of UAPs, moving from fringe interest to a topic of serious governmental and scientific inquiry. For a comprehensive understanding, you can watch the full episodes of The Good Trouble Show here and explore more content on their official YouTube channel here​ (YouTube)​​ (YouTube)​.
OP: Thank you. Good job.
ChatGPT: You're welcome! If you have any other questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask.
OP: One more thing you could do for me on the web is to check the name Ross Coldheart. He's an Australian journalist. I would like to know specifically if he's a credible person based on his work. Can you run that for me?
Searched 5 sources
ChatGPT: Ross Coulthart is a highly credible and well-respected Australian investigative journalist with over three decades of experience. He has won multiple prestigious awards, including five Walkley Awards, which are the highest honors in Australian journalism, as well as the Gold Walkley. His investigative work spans various media outlets, including the Sydney Morning Herald, ABC TV's Four Corners, Nine Network's Sunday program, and 60 Minutes. Coulthart's journalism has uncovered significant stories, such as the Butcher of Bega medical scandal and the complicity in violence in East Timor, both of which earned him international acclaim​ (Wikipedia)​​ (ICIJ)​​ (Ross Coulthart)​.
Coulthart has also authored several best-selling books, such as "Dead Man Running" and "In Plain Sight," which delve into organized crime and UFO phenomena respectively. His rigorous investigative approach and compelling storytelling have established him as a reliable and influential figure in journalism​ (Coast to Coast AM)​.
OP: Could you elaborate more on the book you wrote, the one called In Plain Sight? Could you give me a summary of that book, or some sort of an insight to it?
Searched 2 sources
ChatGPT: Ross Coulthart's book, "In Plain Sight: An Investigation into UFOs and Impossible Science," delves into the phenomenon of UFOs, or Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAPs). The book examines the history and recent developments surrounding UFO sightings, including admissions by the US Department of Defense acknowledging the reality and potential threat of these phenomena. Coulthart investigates by interviewing various experts, witnesses, and officials, uncovering information that suggests possible technological advancements and cultural implications. The book challenges the traditional dismissal of UFOs as mere conspiracy theories and calls for serious inquiry into the subject​ (In Plain Sight Book)​.
OP: Give me a couple of quotes from the book that are the most significant ones.
ChatGPT: Here are two significant quotes from Ross Coulthart's "In Plain Sight":
"I believe in evidence. I believe in observation, measurement, and reasoning, confirmed by independent observers. I’ll believe anything, no matter how wild and ridiculous, if there is evidence for it. The wilder and more ridiculous something is, however, the firmer and more solid the evidence will have to be."
"In 2020, however, after decades of denial, the US Department of Defense made the astonishing admission that strange aerial and underwater objects frequently reported and videoed by pilots and tracked by sensors are real, unexplained, and pose a genuine national security concern."
These quotes highlight Coulthart's commitment to evidence-based investigation and underscore the gravity of the recent official admissions regarding UAPs​ (In Plain Sight Book)​ .
OP: Would you say that the first quote, I believe in evidence, and so on, would be a paraphrasing of Carl Sagan, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence?
ChatGPT: Yes, the quote from Ross Coulthart does indeed reflect a similar sentiment to Carl Sagan's famous assertion that "extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence." Both emphasize the importance of rigorous evidence and independent verification, especially when dealing with unusual or extraordinary claims. This alignment with Sagan's principle underscores Coulthart's commitment to a scientific and skeptical approach to the investigation of UFOs and other phenomena.
OP: What are your thoughts on the recent UAP-UFO congressional hearings and all the evidence that has come to light, including the recent Lou Elizondo's claims that there's been threats to his well-being or his family's well-being? What do you think about that?
ChatGPT: The recent UAP-UFO congressional hearings and the increasing transparency from military and government officials mark a significant shift in how these phenomena are addressed. Here's a summary of key points and my perspective on them:
Congressional Hearings and Government Admissions Increased Transparency:
The U.S. government's decision to hold public hearings on UAPs and to admit that these phenomena are real and pose potential national security concerns represents a major change in policy. This shift suggests a growing recognition of the need for serious scientific and security-oriented investigations.
Credible Witnesses:
The hearings have included testimonies from credible witnesses, such as military pilots and intelligence officials, who have observed or analyzed UAPs. Their accounts provide valuable firsthand information and lend credibility to the phenomena being more than just myths or misidentifications.
Lou Elizondo's Claims Threats to Well-Being:
Lou Elizondo, a key figure in bringing UAP issues to public attention, has claimed that there have been threats to his and his family's well-being. If true, these threats could indicate attempts to silence or discredit individuals who push for transparency. This raises concerns about the potential implications for whistleblowers and the culture within military and intelligence communities.
Significance of His Role:
As a former director of the Pentagon's AATIP, Elizondo's insights and experiences are invaluable. His claims suggest that there may be deeper layers of information and potentially classified details that have not yet been disclosed to the public.
Personal Perspective Scientific Inquiry:
The move towards greater transparency and scientific inquiry is crucial. Investigating UAPs with a rigorous, evidence-based approach will help differentiate between natural phenomena, advanced technology from other nations, and genuinely unexplained incidents.
Cultural Shift:
The hearings and increased openness reflect a cultural shift in how we approach unknown phenomena. Moving away from ridicule and towards serious investigation can foster a more informed and rational public discourse.
Security and Ethics:
The claims of threats to individuals advocating for transparency are troubling and highlight the need for protections for whistleblowers. Ensuring their safety is essential for maintaining the integrity of the investigation and encouraging others to come forward with credible information.
In conclusion, the recent developments in UAP investigations, including congressional hearings and testimonies from credible witnesses, signify a positive step towards understanding these phenomena. However, the alleged threats to individuals like Lou Elizondo indicate the complexities and potential resistance within certain circles, underscoring the need for ongoing support and protection for those involved in bringing these issues to light.
OP: Could you draw some parallels between this particular topic and the Watergate scandal?
ChatGPT: Drawing parallels between the current UAP-UFO investigations and the Watergate scandal can help highlight the dynamics of governmental transparency, accountability, and the role of whistleblowers. Here are some key similarities and differences:
Similarities
Government Secrecy and Lack of Transparency:
Watergate:
The Watergate scandal involved a series of illegal activities orchestrated by the Nixon administration, including the break-in at the Democratic National Committee headquarters and subsequent cover-up efforts. The administration's secrecy and lack of transparency were central issues.
UAP-UFO Investigations:
For decades, the U.S. government maintained secrecy regarding UAPs, often dismissing or downplaying their significance. Recent admissions and hearings suggest a move towards greater transparency, but past secrecy still looms large.
Role of Whistleblowers:
Watergate:
The scandal unraveled largely due to the efforts of whistleblowers like Mark Felt (Deep Throat), who provided critical information to journalists Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein.
UAP-UFO Investigations:
Figures like Lou Elizondo and other insiders have played a similar role, coming forward with information about UAPs and pushing for transparency. Their disclosures have been instrumental in bringing the issue into the public and governmental spotlight.
Media Involvement:
Watergate:
The investigative journalism by The Washington Post was crucial in exposing the scandal, demonstrating the power of the media in holding the government accountable.
UAP-UFO Investigations:
Media coverage has been significant in the UAP-UFO discourse, with outlets like The New York Times publishing detailed reports on the Pentagon's investigations and whistleblowers' claims. Documentaries and news programs have also played a key role in informing the public. Public and Congressional Scrutiny:
Watergate:
The scandal led to extensive congressional hearings and investigations, ultimately resulting in President Nixon's resignation.
UAP-UFO Investigations:
Congressional hearings on UAPs have been conducted to understand the phenomena better and assess their implications for national security. This scrutiny is a step towards greater governmental accountability.
Differences
Nature of the Issues:
Watergate:
Involved clear illegal activities, including burglary, wiretapping, and obstruction of justice, committed by government officials.
UAP-UFO Investigations:
Focus on understanding unidentified phenomena and potential national security threats. The issue is less about illegal activities and more about the need for transparency and scientific investigation.
Immediate Impact:
Watergate:
Had immediate and direct political consequences, including legal actions and the resignation of a sitting president.
UAP-UFO Investigations:
The impact is more gradual, involving shifts in public perception, policy changes, and potentially new scientific discoveries. The immediate political consequences are less direct.
Public Perception and Stigma:
Watergate:
Initially met with disbelief but quickly gained credibility as evidence mounted.
UAP-UFO Investigations:
Long associated with stigma and ridicule, making it harder for the topic to gain serious consideration. Recent shifts in official stance are beginning to change this.
Conclusion
Both the Watergate scandal and the UAP-UFO investigations underscore the importance of transparency, the crucial role of whistleblowers, and the impact of media and public scrutiny in holding governments accountable. While the contexts and nature of the issues differ, the underlying themes of secrecy, the quest for truth, and the demand for governmental accountability resonate in both cases. The evolution of the UAP-UFO investigations may continue to parallel Watergate in promoting greater transparency and accountability, potentially leading to significant changes in public policy and perception."
Original link below. ttyshttps://chat.openai.com/share/443f509c-fd2f-4608-b94b-36b0992fd446

So the scholarship is for my little brother. My fear with it being a smaller school is that he may not have the best chances at landing internships or offers out of school. So I’m thinking it may be beneficial for him to take advantage of the full offer and then transfer to a SUNY school halfway through where he would get a bit more unified structure at the SUNY since it’s effectively all the same at all SUNY state schools (generally to my understanding.)
LIU is a private school and at the moment the campus does not have too many professors for CS. There is no computer science club there yet. I spoke with the head of the engineering department who told me that he is heading up the revamping process for the CS program. Apparently they have new state of the art facilities, are on a hiring search to add a bunch of new quality professors, and I don’t know he really seemed to make me comfortable. Seemed like it might be an alright choice but the program is pretty small. He talked all about wholistic learning and how students get exposure to all manner of paths within CS and how he’s currently looking for students to be part of a research grant he received and that over time my brother could be a strong candidate.
Are we being bamboozled? He isn’t getting any financial aid, so going to a SUNY school or community college right now feels like it doesn’t make sense when he has a full ride, even if he only stays there for a couple years before transferring to SUNY. But LIU isn’t necessarily “up there” for computer science from what I can surmise.

I'm hoping for some of you to try it. It's an easy way to do concurrent things without transforming your entire application into an event loop monolith.

composer require phasync/phasync 

phasync: High-concurrency PHP

Asynchronous programming should not be difficult. This is a new microframework for doing asynchronous programming in PHP. It tries to do for PHP, what the asyncio package does for Python, and what Go does by default. For some background from what makes phasync different from other asynchronous big libraries like reactphp and amphp is that phasync does not attempt to redesign how you program. phasync can be used in a single function, somewhere in your big application, just where you want to speed up some task by doing it in parallel.

The article What color is your function? explains some of the approaches that have been used to do async programming in languages not designed for it. With Fibers, PHP 8.1 has native asynchronous IO built in. This library simplifies working with them, and is highly optimized for doing so.

phasync brings Go-inspired concurrency to PHP, utilizing native and ultra-fast coroutines to manage thousands of simultaneous operations efficiently. By leveraging modern PHP features like fibers, phasync simplifies asynchronous programming, allowing for clean, maintainable code that performs multiple tasks simultaneously with minimal overhead.

I recently built a new computer and have windows 11 running on a 2tb micro ssd. I have an adobe cs6 suite on a 1tb SSD from my old computer that I want to run on this new build. Installing the ssd leaves me unable to run illustrator etc. Is cloning something that would fix this? If so, does anyone have any links or information on what I would need to do to make these programs usable? This was a torrented suite from 2015ish that works fine for what I need.

I've recently completed my third year of computer engineering at UofT, and I wanted to share my thoughts on the courses I've taken. I hope this will be beneficial to incoming first, second, and third-year engineering students. My area of depth is 6 (Software) and my areas of breadth are 4 (Control) and 5 (Computer hardware/networks).
Difficulty: How hard it was to comprehend course material and/or complete practice problems accurately. Keep in mind that difficulty is subjective but I tried to eliminate personal bias and be as objective as possible.
Workload: The amount of work to complete outside of lectures (labs, assignments, homework, studying for tests/exams).
All engineers take the exact same courses in their first year first semester and similar ones in second semester. I took these courses in 2021 during covid so some information might be outdated.
First Year Semester 1:
APS100 Orientation to Engineering:
Difficulty: 1/10 Workload: 3/10 Course Average: N/A
There is no technical material in this course. All coursework consists of Ethics analysis, creating a schedule for time management, creating your resume, and discussion board participation. During tutorials, the TA typically asks behavioral questions to the class and covers slides pertaining to engineering principles, the learning environment, test readiness, and related topics.
APS110 Engineering Chemistry and Materials Science
Difficulty: 6/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: B
This course blends elements of chemistry, physics, and mathematics, requiring lots of formulas and memorization. The assignments and online quizzes were moderately difficult. Not sure if he’s still teaching but Scott Ramsay was a really good professor. Really enjoyed watching his video demonstrations.
APS111 Engineering Strategies and Practices I
Difficulty: 3/10 Workload: 6/10 (Variable) Course Average: B
Students are organized into groups of 5-6 and are assigned the task of developing a solution for a client, following the engineering design process. Success in this course heavily relies on your team. Throughout the semester, there are several milestones where you need to submit large reports with your team, making it crucial to have capable teammates. Many teams resorted to last-minute cramming the night before each milestone (not a good idea). Additionally, there are two peer reviews, so make sure you contribute to avoid being perceived as an unproductive member. In most cases, you don’t need to worry about this though. You’d likely all be good friends by that point (and give each other a perfect review).
CIV100 Mechanics
Difficulty: 9/10 Workload: 9/10 Course Average: C+
The consensus among most students in my year was that this was the toughest first year course. It's incredibly calculation heavy, with questions that may appear straightforward in theory but require multiple steps to solve. Even a minor error can screw up your entire calculation process. The assignments are extremely time-consuming, and the quizzes pose significant challenges. I suggest you work in a group for the assignments. Furthermore, both the final exam and midterm were exceptionally difficult.
MAT186 Calculus I
Difficulty: 4/10 Workload: 4/10 Course Average: B
If you’ve taken IB or AP this course will be a breeze. Even without that background, it's still relatively straightforward. Very little on integrals, mostly derivatives, rates of change, and graphs. PCEs and WebWorks were trivial, and the midterm and exam were easy.
MAT188 Linear Algebra
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: B-
The majority of the course revolves around relatively straightforward operations on matrices and vectors. However, it does introduce abstract concepts like higher-order dimensions, which may require some deeper thinking to fully grasp. Webwork assignments were slightly more challenging compared to MAT186's, and completing assignments took a while. Once again, you should work with a partner or as a group. Pay attention in the MATLAB practicals because you’ll be using MATLAB pretty often in future courses.
First Year Semester 2:
APS105 Computer Fundamentals
Difficulty: 6/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: B-
If you’ve taken programming in high school, you will likely find this course very easy (2/10 difficulty). The course covers simple programming syntax, along with basic sorting algorithms, without delving into more advanced concepts beyond linked lists and binary trees. I think that this was one of the more enjoyable courses of first year.
APS112 Engineering Strategies and Practices II
Difficulty: 5/10 Workload: 7/10 (Variable) Course Average: B+
This course is essentially a continuation of APS111, but with the added component of being assigned an actual client with a real-world problem statement. Each group works with a unique client, and at the end of the term, you present your final report directly to them, along with your supervisors. As with APS111, the quality of your team plays a crucial role in your success. Another thing to note is that unlike APS111, there were multiple individual assignments to complete on top of your team reports.
ECE110 Electrical Fundamentals
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 6/10 Course Average: C+
Definitely one of the harder first year courses. This course marks your introduction to circuits. Topics covered include capacitors, Ampere's law, Ohm's law, Kirchhoff's laws, AC/DC circuits, magnetism, Thevenin and Norton equivalents, and more. The material is extensive and requires thorough understanding, as many future courses will build upon its concepts. Make sure that you understand the content well, given its foundational importance in subsequent courses.
ECE191 Introduction to Electrical and Computer Engineering
Difficulty: 0/10 Workload: 1/10 Course Average: N/A
Seminar course. You just need to show up to the lectures (one per week) and submit a 100-ish word report about what you learned.
MAT187 Calculus II
Difficulty: 6/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: C+
The workload in this course is comparable to Calc I, but the content is more challenging (obviously). It delves deeper into integrals and introduces concepts like ordinary differential equations and polar coordinates. But again, you’ll manage just fine if you did decently in Calc 1, and especially if you’ve taken AP math or IB HL math.
MIE100 Dynamics
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload 4/10 Course Average: C+
I personally found this to be the most challenging course in first year, but it seems that most people disagree with me. It shares similarities with CIV100, but you’re instead dealing with dynamic systems (moving) rather than static ones (not moving). Some concepts may prove difficult to grasp initially. However, if you focus on memorizing the relevant formulas and understanding when to apply them, you should be okay. Expect an emphasis on physics in this course.
Second year was the worst (for ECE) and a very big step up from first year. If you struggled in first year, you better lock in for second year.
Second Year Semester 1:
ECE201 ECE Seminar Course
Difficulty: 0/10 Workload: 0/10 Course Average: N/A
Another seminar course, except you just need to attend 7/10 lectures to pass. Most students just scan their Tcard at the entrance then leave right after. The lectures are pretty useless except the Magellan one where they show you how to choose courses for 3rd and 4th year.
ECE212 Circuit Analysis
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 8/10 Course Average: B+
This course provides a deeper exploration of circuits, extending beyond circuit solving to include frequency and sinusoidal analysis. Questions tend to be long so careless errors will cost you. Personally, I found the labs challenging, particularly because they required working with oscilloscopes at a higher level than I was used to, and I could not for the life of me figure out how to use that thing.
ECE241 Digital Systems
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 8/10 Course Average: B-
This hardware course focuses on the foundation of hardware. A lot of the content is at the fundamental level so it’s not too hard to comprehend. However, the main challenge lies in learning Verilog, a hardware description language. I hate Verilog. All the labs are done using Verilog, and frustratingly, the course provides no instruction on the language, nor are there many helpful resources available online. This lack of guidance made what should have been straightforward labs much more difficult. Thankfully if you are in CE, you’ll never need to take another course with Verilog again. The midterm was easy but the final was borderline impossible.
ECE244 Programming Fundamentals
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: B-
This course is the sequel to APS105, delving into more advanced concepts like pointers, constructors, polymorphism, and inheritance. Many of these topics may feel familiar if you have prior programming experience, particularly from high school. Consequently, if you're already proficient in programming, as many computer engineering students are, you should be able to navigate through this course well. The labs were generally manageable, although a couple of them were time-consuming.
MAT290 Advanced Engineering Mathematics
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload 8/10 Course Average: B
In this course, you’ll learn a lot of miscellaneous mathematical concepts that will be relevant in future courses. The goal is to establish a strong foundation to facilitate understanding in third and fourth-year courses. There is also a quiz every week. They were terrible from a time management standpoint, but as long as you spent 3-4 hours per week completing the assigned textbook questions, you should be alright since one (out of two) of the questions on the quiz is guaranteed to be an assigned textbook question (at least, that was the case when I took the course).
MAT291 Calculus III
Difficulty: 9/10 Workload 9/10 Course Average: B-
The entire workload comes from studying for those damn weekly quizzes, much like MAT290. Personally, I found it to be one of the most difficult courses I've ever taken. Think of calculus 2, but now everything is in three dimensions, encompassing concepts like surface integrals, flux integrals, and more. Additionally, the course introduces abstract topics that I still struggle to grasp. Balancing the demands of this course alongside everything else was an incredibly stressful experience.
Second Year Semester 2:
ECE216 Signals and Systems
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload:7/10 Course Average: C+
I think everyone hated this course. It was so poorly taught and the midterms felt haphazard and unpredictable. I relied on the power of BS to pass (worked surprisingly). Other than working with many graphs and MATLAB, I don’t remember much about this course because it was so uninteresting.
ECE221 Electric and Magnetic Fields
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: C+
This course serves as an introduction to fields, while also expanding on the principles covered in ECE110. Many concepts build upon intuitive ideas, such as the repulsion of identical charges and attraction of opposite charges, which can make seemingly complex topics less intimidating. There are also many procedures that you need to know to solve specific types of questions. The labs are generally straightforward. You just need to follow the steps on the lab worksheet and answer a few simple questions from the TA.
ECE231 Intro to Electronics
Difficulty: 9/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: C+
This course is basically circuit analysis but significantly harder. It combines everything you've learned about circuits thus far, introducing new topics on top of that foundation. There are so many new concepts to learn and the final pretty much tests you on all of them. I’ve encountered multiple scenarios where I saw two concepts that I thought were completely separate from each other being integrated into a single question on an exam. Also very calculation heavy. Despite my experience in this course, I must admit Khoman Fang was a great professor.
ECE243 Computer Organization
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 6/10 Course Average: B
This course is a direct continuation of ECE241, and surprisingly, I found it a lot more enjoyable than its prerequisite. The focus is on Assembly language programming, which I found to be way more understandable compared to Verilog. Assembly operates at a fundamental level, so you’re technically working with the most basic building blocks in programming. The labs often involved seemingly simple tasks like counting to 10 on a HEX display, but the nature of Assembly meant that achieving this could require hundreds of lines of code. I appreciated these labs as they provided a refreshing change from the usual programming tasks. Final and midterm exams were relatively easy.
ECE297 Software communication and design
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 9/10 (Variable) Course Average: B+
Despite the demanding workload, this course was one of my favorites. The main project involved collaborating in teams of three to develop a geographical information system (similar to Google Maps). Unlike other courses where teams are assigned, here you have the freedom to choose your own teammates. Starting off, your team is given only the OpenStreetMap database, and the APIs, granting you complete control over your project's design, functionality, and optimization. Performance enhancement and pathfinding algorithms were key components of the project. It's crucial for all team members to contribute effectively for success in this course; And trust me, this is not a one or two person project. To succeed in this course, all three members must be doing their share.
Third Year:
They say that third year is the easiest year for ECE, but that depends on what courses you choose. For me, it was only slightly easier than second year but still significantly harder than first year.
APS360 Fundamentals of Deep Learning
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload : 8/10 Course Average: B+
This course felt fundamentally very different compared to the other programming related courses. If you’re unfamiliar with deep learning, the content can be overwhelming but the inner workings behind AI are both fascinating and challenging to grasp. Fortunately, much of the coding in the course revolves around preparing data, setting up AI architectures, and training/testing models, rather than building an AI from scratch. While the labs are manageable, the final project can be very time consuming, particularly as training a single model can require hours or even days. Regarding this aspect, make sure you start early. Both the midterm and final exams were quite difficult.
ECE302 Probability and Applications
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 3/10 Course Average: B-
The first half of this course is very straightforward. Just an introduction to probability. The second half is where the difficulty quickly ramps up. Make sure you don’t underestimate the second half of the course. I made the mistake of assuming the material was easy after performing well on both midterms (midterms were very easy), leading me to neglect the final third of the course so I flunked the final. FYI, our marks were determined solely by the 2 midterms and the final.
ECE344 Operating Systems
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 10/10 Course Average: B
This course had the most difficult and demanding labs I’ve ever seen in my life. They are due every two weeks and some of them took most students more than 15 hours to complete. I’ve seen people staying up all night in the GB computer rooms to finish these labs. One positive aspect of the course if Jon Eyolfson is your professor, is that all lectures are both recorded and live-streamed, allowing attendance in person, online synchronously, or asynchronously. But if you have Ding Yuan, good luck. I heard he is not only bad at teaching, but also makes you program an operating system from scratch. The course content is quite interesting and the Midterm and final exams were fair.
ECE345 Algorithms and Data Structures
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: B+
If you're one of those programming geniuses who have been doing Leetcode since like 3 years old, you’d have likely already learned all course content before you’ve even started the course. You could probably write midterm and final exams without attending any lectures. However, if you're not as experienced, attending every lecture, taking detailed notes, and staying focused is crucial. Personally speaking, some algorithms were incredibly difficult for me to grasp, while others were simple. Assignments typically include both coding and long-answer components, which can be time-consuming, but you can work with a partner.
TEP444 Positive Psychology for Engineers
Difficulty: 1/10 Workload: 3/10 Course Average: A-
This course overall was very enjoyable and a nice refreshing experience from the other technical courses. You go on excursions to various locations with your group and write reports. It's an excellent opportunity to expand your social circle and make new friends. If you aim for an A- grade (80-85), you can breeze through with minimal effort. However, achieving a higher grade (A or A+) would require significantly more work (like 5 times more, no joke), which is not worth the extra effort in my opinion.
CSC343 Introduction to Databases
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 10/10 Course Average: Unreleased
The content of this course is actually pretty interesting and is taught well. But the assignments were excessively time consuming. There are only three in total, but each one demanded such a significant investment of time to the point where I contemplated dropping the course altogether. You do work with a partner (going solo isn’t even an option if you want to complete the assignments) but even so, be prepared to invest 15-30 hours per person, per assignment (they also mark hard). Despite the workload, I do recommend taking this course because knowing SQL can substantially benefit you in the future. Just start the assignments early. On a positive note, the midterm and final were relatively straightforward.
ECE311 Introduction to Control Systems
Difficulty: 10/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: C+
This course didn't come with a heavy workload, consisting only of three labs and two midterms. However, I found the content to be very challenging. It felt like they condensed and combined every concept from every engineering math and physics course into one. Topics ranged from circuits and dynamics to Laplace transforms, matrices, Bode plots, and more. It didn’t help that Prof Scardovi didn’t record any lectures, has messy handwriting, and uses a damn chalkboard instead of modern technology like other profs do. The midterms and final were somewhat lenient compared to the lectures, but this course still ended up being my lowest mark.
ECE361 Computer networks I
Difficulty: 8/10 Workload: 9/10 Course Average: B
This course requires a lot of memorization compared to other courses. You’ll have to understand calculation processes but also memorize a lot of general knowledge about networks. A problem with this course is that some concepts that show up in tests are not adequately explained in lectures. By far the best way to study is to do past exams. Professor Valaee often recycles questions, sometimes even directly copying past midterms and finals (like he did in my cohort). Unlike other courses, there is no big assignment/lab for this course, but it makes up for it with quantity. There’s a quiz every week, a wireshark lab every 2 weeks, a programming lab every 2 weeks, and a midterm. The programming labs are already difficult by themselves, but this cumulative workload felt very overwhelming.
ECE472 Engineering Economics and Entrepreneurship
Difficulty: 7/10 Workload: 5/10 Course Average: B+
This is straight up an economics course, no engineering at all. You’ll learn about investments, equity, financing, and related areas. There are 4 quizzes throughout the semester, with quiz 3 (quiz 3 specifically) being by far the hardest (average in the 50s). Since you're able to bring your textbook to the quizzes and exam, my biggest tip is to write past quiz and exam solutions in your textbook, as there's a limited pool of questions, and new questions often resemble some kind of variation of past ones.
ECE421 Introduction to Machine Learning
Difficulty: 9/10 Workload: 7/10 Course Average: unreleased
While the course content itself may be challenging, surprisingly, the midterm and final exams were pretty easy. There's a slight discorrelation between the lecture material and what appears on the exams, but relying on past exams for preparation should be enough. The course leans heavily on mathematical concepts, much more so than APS360. The assignments were difficult and tedious but I recommend you work with others to complete it.
With that, I've covered my thoughts and tips for all the engineering courses I've completed. Transitioning into your next year in engineering, particularly if you’re transitioning from high school, can feel daunting. However, remember that you're not alone in this experience – many of your peers are facing similar challenges. If you need any more advice or have questions, feel free to reach out to me via DMs!

Intro:
I was hired into a new position; acknowledged by all. The blueprint would develop over time so I didn't have things I could go in knowing I'm doing well. 2023 was smooth for the most part but had it's bumps. 2024 has gone straight downhill.
I have an awkward (exhausting) reporting relationship with a coworker that is my daily supervisor. I believe we both press all of each other's trigger spots. Our new manager recognized this watching us for the last little bit (6mo~)... I recently hit a year so I had my performance review last week. I've genuinely tried to repair bridges with my lead but I know it's moot. Apparently, I threatened them by making them look bad and they haven't let go of that ever since. I was just doing my job. Sorry that you weren't doing yours...
The meeting went well overall. Nothing super new except some information our manager shared (below).
Performance Review:
Our manager has requested two check-ins that are PIP-like (yet not a pip) in a few months after the performance review. I was not given a PIP that I know of. I did sign something that just says "receipt of performance review delivered: not to be used for performance evaluation."
I'm not denying the struggles are there.
The day leading up to the performance review, the daily supervisor literally hid from me until they had to face me.
My Current State:
I'm mentally and physically done with my role.
Our manager who delivered all the news does not know me well. This was my daily supervisor’s intention with management transitions. They immediately iced me out from everyone and blocked my communication to our manager.
I've been here 1 year. Coworker has been here almost 10 years.
Future State:
I'm interested in seeing if there's room for me to move over to another team in HR if they can support my long term out of state plans in a few months. Our new manager mentioned this potential to move me over to another group in the department as they expressed they want to try and keep me. This was nice to know.
My company (while likely going under in the next three years) is also deploying a new comprehensive HRIS. They laid off half of their IT dept and administrative roles in anticipation of deploying the new HRIS so that it is back in HR control. I've already proved that I'm knowledgeable in programming and tech within HR even though I'm currently external customer facing. I can have IT back me and other HR leaders who like me. My future state is to get out of a role I don't like.
Question 1: Was the comment about looking at other opportunities within the organization really a silent message from our manager that I need to be applying externally and there is no actual internal room?
Question 2: How do I leverage my current situation and company knowledge into a "more" stable opportunity in HRIS without losing my job if I can actually stay internal?
Question 3: How do I last four more months at a minimum?

I am working a on an algo trading app/program in python. Anyone willing to work on it with me? Its completely data market data based for now but I am planning on exploring and integrating ML into it in future. If it goes well it can turn into a side hustle too. Maybe even launch a new product if its that good (provided it does not violate any legal fintech guidelines). Message me if interested.
I have been working as a developer for almost 7 yrs now and hope to collaborate with someone who likes to experiment and make something new. :)

5:36 PM Wed 5/8/24
Mood: Terrible
Title: Alone
Details: Last year I was told that there is a whole universe out there of people to find. And that I was being endlessly supported and that people were inspired by me.
This year I learned what it's like to be hunted and chased away from goodness. It has been the worst year of my entire life and with the knowledge that there is a whole universe out there--I feel lonelier than I was before.
Not a single person wants well for me. I have to translate my thoughts, behavior, intentions, symptoms, and soul to everyone.
There hasn't been a single rest from it in over 330 days. Just endless messes and ridicule and mocking and advances and terrorism.
I'm thought I was tired of people. But I walk outside and love them so much. I learned I'm not tired of people. But I'm so so so tired of loneliness.
Being around others doesn't stop you from being lonely. Because I'm still translating. My thoughts and feelings are still not reaching and the obvious signals I send to others are being deflected and mistranslated.
I'm tired of translating for to others. On paper it's so easy to understand a person. Watching it's easy to understand and to judge. But actually reacting appropriately to context and injustice and neurodivergence even is so lost to people.
This is why I wanted to write my story. Because people don't know how to cope. They don't know how to accept bad things. They don't know the difference between bad people and good people and even today our societies are too primitive to understand it.
They're still theororizing, contemplating, changing information for their gain...never have I seen any type of science be so abstractly and subjectively defiled as I've seen happen with mental health and neurodivergence.
People cannot separate the symptom from the person and punish and subjugate and continue to dominate those less fortunate.
I'm glad I know what happens to people they don't like. I know how dangerous people can be.
I wish I had someone to protect me. So I still find myself praying and wishing for one person. Just one person I don't have to translate myself to. Just one person I don't have to have grow tired of me. Just one person I don't have to compete with.
Growing up I was used to competing. Siblings, cousins, friends. In public AND private school there's always someone or something to compete. Today I compete with my parents and yesterday I compete with women who love the one I thought I loved.
I grew accustomed to hating my own birthday because of jealousy around it because my uncle was upset he shared it with my brother and I. And because I could never have it the way I enjoyed later. Too much. I'm too much. Too far. Too long. Too attention-seeking.
I had my chance as a teen with two friends so why isn't that enough for me? My parents were happy that I finally was taking a break from illness but since I got what I asked for then I'm a spoiled ass. As if they ever treated me better even then. Golden children are still abused even when the roles swap. Because no pleasantness is atrocious.
My family told me I was fat and going to get diabetes and have a heart attack and die despite never talking to me and being in high school--where weight isn't even done being "distributed" until your mid twenties. Thanks to the prime golden child my sister.
I'm tired of fighting and competing to be heard and to have needs met and to come across as kind or kinder. It's killing me.
Why can't I ever just be me?
Why can't I ever just be my authentic self? The one I want to be as a form of worship? Me in all my phases and feelings?
Why do I have to stuff myself down or look beautiful when I'm suffering in order to be a good and kind person worth saving?
I understand Nettle so much now. I wish I never did.
If I didn't have vocal fry would I be loved? If I didn't have fat would I be loved? If I didn't have brown or blonde hair would I be loved? If I forgave my parents and suffered quietly would I be loved?
If I had sweet doe eyes or a light mousy voice would someone finally think I had autism?
The ones I see on tiktok are drop dead gorgeous women with huge colorful lives and opportunities and get to complain about "pretty privelege"
Some have a light airiness to them that make them seem like fae.
And there's me who never fits anywhere or with anyone.
I have nothing and no one and absolutely no point.
I was okay before--before I had drive and passion to find my people. Before I had dreams of finding my way and accomplishing things. Before I had just one person.
It's so cruel. The people in this world are so cruel. I just want one person.
One person from God--and loving can be worship too. I'm too tired for much else.
Just one person to save me from their damnation that seems to last forever.
I'm so exhausted all the time.
My body hurts. My head hurts. My nerves feel like nothing.
I feel hopeless. Empty. I feel like the woman from my dream.
I feel betrayed--like others saw my future and pushed me into it head first with some kind of pre-revenge. Pinched. Twisted. Groped. Lost. Forced.
Called an attention whore. Gold digger.
I feel confused. People are trying desperately to make sure no one understands me.
I'm one girl. Against a whole universe and groups of people.
The emotional, psychological, and societal manipulation is obscure.
I keep reading revelations 2:24 to feel better.
It feels like Thyatira. I'm trying to hold fast to the idea that God may rescue me from whatever this is. A trial--make believe--experimentation--prisonment for knowing too much.
He asks we wait patiently for him to come and rescue us.
And many biblical figures had to wait for years and years. Upwards to like 100 if you were Abraham.
So while every day things feel like battle now, I am still trying.
I want to give myself OT and PT...I've done it for others so it can't be hard.
And with the flashbacks and emotional flashbacks and meltdowns and outbursts...I'm going to try treating myself for PTSD too.
Until I get the help I need somehow--I don't know what else to do.
I know others are tired of helping me. When you don't seem to receive pleasantness it's par for the course.
But I'm tired of competing for needs to be met. Can't everyone just work harder to understand bodies and minds and signals--then people would have their needs met and there'd be no need to compete.
I'm tired of fighting for myself. I'm tired of doing it alone.
I'm tired of being with others and doing it lonely.
The world isn't just crumbling due to climate change. Our minds are shifting and crumbling with it.
It makes sense. The weather affects people. Everyone I know is so tired. There's no way we are evolved enough to know God and be in his presence. There's no way we are advanced. Even this phone feels archaic to me--the programs we use feel archaic.
I understand now why capitalism is seen as demonic and evil. The control of drip marketing contents and technology is so slow and pointless.
Our resources are depleting. War is happening still. Communism wouldn't help either. It's the same song with a different tune.
I'll keep living because that's what he wants from people. I want to make God proud. I want people's lives to be easier.
I want people to stop competing and performing and wanting to die drenched in lies.
Maybe that's why it's a sin to lie. It halts evolution not just on others but yourself too. Living a lie halts growth.
It's difficult but Faith seems to be the part that is supposed to ground you in it. Like--I don't know WHY I can't lie in this situation but I have to be honest.
Anyways in these moments I wonder if philosophy and religion is a coping skill or a turning something bad into something good.
I guess I should just keep doing what I need to do and not what others want me to do.
It seems whenever I do what others want I suffer more than before.
I usually value collaboration. But when others Stop valuing it--then it's time for something to be done.
These people are messed up. They have no emotional retention. They have no ability to remember the things they do--Like it doesn't exist to them.
The heat, my hormones shifting, the trauma of seeing her again, and other things seemed to trigger a huge meltdown? Fight or flight? PTSD attack?
No wonder the woman from my dream was so empty--her body and mind have been through war and emotional, psychological, and spiritual survival.
I can only pray that I'm not chemically like a porn addicted person--I don't want to lose the idea that sex to me is love. After everything I mean.
I don't have the time in life to heal. There's so much I have to do and everyone still sees me as a wallet drainer and leech.
I don't trust anyone to help me. I don't trust anyone to love me. I don't trust love because it's not enough to make these other things go away.
I understand why people are calling for a civil war on the rich. And their help? To not be seen as bad people? Their help is "we will make others more like us!"
Natural selection affects them too.
Which is funny. They think they've escaped it ofc. I do think that people are right. Celebrities and other rich people aren't useful anymore.
They don't have much use anymore.
Anyways.
I feel lonely. I feel trauma everywhere. Like I've always been hit by a bus.
It's ironic I think--the "I wouldn't do it without a trained professional" people are so dangerous.
I did better without them...always.
It's hard not to hate life.
I always have to compete for needs and wants and sacrafice them.
For siblings, friends, lovers, parents, students, strangers, buyers, consumers, voices...
I sacrafice for these people to have better all the time. I don't have the energy to do anything else. I don't have anything else to provide but what I can scrounge up and then hand off or step aside.
I just want someone.
Someone who knows and loves me and understands me in full.
I can't let these people take away my voice or my story or my dreams for myself when they're already so blessed.
Only those well off say "you should be grateful"
What you did to survive and achieve versus what I did will never be the same.
So I'll hopefully find a way. To let my future husband be able to comfort me and know me in full after this whole experience. I'll find a way for him to know every page in my story and leaf through and bookmark his favorites.
Who in the universe would take away that from their victims so easily? That they could just have one?
These people can be vampires.
I get tired--I fall asleep--they suck the energy out of me.
They leave all their bad thoughts behind.
The world needs a miracle.
Activities: Food Sleep Screens
Emotions: Hurt Overwhelmed Confused Lonely Stressed Empty Hopeless
Unhelpful Thought: I'll never be well. No one will ever understand me. No one does. I'm alone. I'm always alone and I'll always be alone. People will only ever take from me or use me. People want me to die. My parents want me to die. I end up believing them and wanting it too.
I'll never have a life. I'll never have my own life. I'll never be me. I'll never be free.
Cognitive Distortions: Fortune-telling Self-blaming
Challenge: I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that you've been through so much trauma in such little time. I'm so sorry you have to fight to comfort yourself and your fight response has increased so astronomically.
It must be scary to have to use it. It must be scary to never know when the pain will stop or when they will cause your attacks to start.
I don't know much about PTSD but considering the flashbacks and how even in moments for you they violate every piece of you--it only makes sense that you have resorted to fighting. I'm sorry you're body has to respond so uncomfortably and abnormally.
But try to remember that these are all normal responses to the abnormal. Your body is scared and terrified and it's been 330 days of exhaustion. The fatigue makes sense. The survival instincts makes sense. Your body and brain are working so hard for you so you can keep loving one day when the trauma responses ebb away.
There's no cure that I know of for these ailments. PTSD, depression, SAD, anxieties, potential autism. All these comorbidities must be eating away at you. The fact that they keep triggering you doesn't help either.
I'm sorry they push you. I'm sorry you've been through rape. I'm sorry you can barely pick up the pieces before they hurt you again.
I'm sorry I have to be the one to apologize to you for everything that's happened and still happens. I'm sorry they abuse you as you try to write and don't listen to no or clear boundaries.
The only advice I can think to give so you may have peace in these moments is to stop saving them. Let the bad continue to do bad. Let the Rapists continue to be Rapists. Do not work to absolve them of anything or bring good from their lives.
They're learning how to hurt you in different ways instead. They're recruiting new people late to everything instead.
Teeny tiny Tina, I'm still working so hard for you to be loved. I'm working so hard for you to stay safe. For you and I to stop fighting.
For you and I to stop freezing and being abused and for them to push you your fight responses and fear of your own body.
I'm sorry they tell you it's demons. When it's her. I'm sorry she won't leave you alone. I'm sorry she and others won't have boundaries with you.
I'm sorry they use you to teach her what her Delusions look like in another person because she forgets to be a human in others bodies and can't let her ego go.
I'm sorry they drug you so she can be comforted.
I'm sorry they don't know what you are going through. When I write as if I'm not you I can't imagine this pain.
I hope one day you are safe and rescued. I hope one day you find someone who will save you from her and them and the ones who abuse you.
I know my hopes are meaningless and that under normal circumstances when you are only you--I can always write meaningful advice without resorting to vapid generics.
I hope that one day you can be enough for yourself again.
I hope they don't bleed you dry. Don't kill yourself no matter what they say and do and feed on altruistic notions.
It's a complete mind fuck. The support needs to come from you. When they do it--don't believe them.
May you find peace Tina.
Alternative Thought: You will be saved. You will find help. Normal people know that it's wrong. These stars are illusions.
Normal people can help better. Find a community that can give you a break and accept you. That won't let your mind fall apart.
Don't let their ironic wishes for you give you peace. Don't let it give THEM peace. They don't mean it they just want it to be them.
Do not be like them. Do not live a lie. Address your hatred front on. Address why you hate front on so you may be free from it.
Do not be like them. Keep the bible in mind but please be who you want to be--which is exactly how God created and therefore called you to be.
Your calling is to heal and fight hatred for now.
Your calling is to find safety. May the lord bear you on eagles wings.
You do not have religious psychosis. You need to keep remembering who the fuck you are.
You are too smart for your own good. You are too self sacrificing for your own good. You see the bad in the good for people to address and attack and heal. You are kind when not under duress. You have illness. You need diagnosis. You have had terrible things happen. Surreal and awful. You always find a way to make things right. You always grow and evolve and change. You are you and others will not visibly see it.
Keep your self grounding mindfulness. Mindfulness is not oppression. It's a tool for a single person. Yourself. Not others.
Keep steady. Take a walk. Do something new. Discover something. Don't just stay in your mind doing it all there.
You need stimulation. You may be close to the end of figuring what you need to figure out out.
Then look at these thoughts and see how little and small they are in comparison to who you are and how you faced them. You are always seeking to heal and retain your values. That dualism and unobstructed steadfastness is your namesake.
It's in your birthday, your name, your experiences, your ring, your prayers, your loves, your hates, your stories, and every part of you.
You can never not be you. Except when your free will is in the hands of another.
Keep fighting for peace. Write and draw and explore within your means. Your life may seem so small but the meaning you have, the blessings God gave you to remember, the irreplaceable meaning everywhere is a gift from him.
And with this you never stop creating. Up and down. Up and down. If David in all his emotional complexities is a "man after God's own heart" then allow yourself to fall and thank God for his discipline.
He corrects those he accepts. He shows the wisdom of it to those he loves.
Keep his ever present and obvious love for you in your heart.
And even though you think Jonah is so funny, please allow yourself to give "testimony" one day and ask people to repent and show them God's love. Be unashamed. Be devoted. Be passionate. Don't let others kill your fire.
You know what it's like. You know what thoughts come from these terrible scenarios. You know how badly you want saving.
Others do too.
Show people that God's love IS unconditional. And learn and translate and write.
Translate God's Holy Spirit and intentions and goals to others.
He will bless you. He is pursuing your heart.
Remember how small the flaws are in others in comparison to them. How little it means for them to dislike what you do or help the opposing neighbor.
You are admired. And sometimes admiration turns bad and becomes jealousy.
You are very lonely. And you have learned ways to find yourself in all the versions of loneliness there are.
You are used. You are abused.
And that story lives and cannot be erased no matter how hard they try. Eternity is the sock that fell from their push. It feels so inescapable.
Your healing and self growth is awkward.
But you can still live. And you love others enough to be awkward with them.
Let yourself remember that this means that you love yourself to be awkward with yourself and allow it.
In that way you have already broken one cycle. That people need to see you in good perfect ways in order to have even self love.
You are strong. You are so passionate. And still while moored and mired in guck and hatred you still do everything out of love.
For yourself and others.
Your own body even is reflecting that incredibly. Your brain doesn't WANT to give up. It wants to fight, to survive, to fawn, to freeze.
Your brain and body is fighting for your love. Your self love and your future love and your love for others.
It's natural to feel this exhaustion after it all.
Tell yourself a new fortune too. A new self attribution. Balance it out.
You're going to always have love. It's in all your cells and the things you touch.
When you drop what you like and feel pain--however small--that tiny regret is love.
Your love is worth it. Your drive to be well is always worth it.
We are adapting. Love yourself enough to be awkward with it. It will feel really big and like the world is ending because it's the first time you've felt these ways.
God bless you.

So, Kaiser has been trying to push the William and Rose Hanbury affair story for years now, she's decided to go extra hard recently because Catherine (who would be the victim of the 'affair') now has cancer, so what better way to show how utterly devoid of any modicum of empathy you are by ramping up the absolute pathological levels of delusion and hatred, going in hard with not one but two different Rose centered articles in the space of a week.
The first story involved Rose being at the Badminton Horse Trials, which in itself is shocking departure from the norm for a member of the upper classes... oh wait 🤔 That's not all though folks! She was pictured with Camilla! Case for her being shunted in soon as a repliKate closed.
Although Charlotte Tilbury was also in the picture, so maybe its a throuple type situation and William is just in it for endless free supplies of Tilburys 'Hollywood flawless filter' illuminator so he too can appear as moisturized and well laid as his brother (as an aside, for someone having so many alleged affairs you would expect Wills to look 'well laid' too no?!)
Sadly things get less frivolous in the next post. Rose and her husband, David Rocksavage, the Marquess of Cholmondeley who is currently a permanent Lord-in-waiting in the court of King Charles, attended the Service of Dedication for the Order of the British Empire. Kinda of his job but whatever I guess. Kaiser states she has "no idea if Charles and Camilla have always been close to the Cholmondeley family or this association and friendship has warmed up in recent years"
All this despite the fact he was literally the former Lord Great Chamberlain for the Queen, you know mother of Charles, for 23 years a hugely prominent role in both parliamentary and monarchical functions, and present at countless public and private occasions where both he and Charles and Camilla were working closely together.
All of the boring work type facts aside, Kaiser uses this seemingly random post to drive home a particularly awful, false and nasty piece of not only baseless, but incredibly cruel conjecture "I know there are always paternity rumors about Rose’s kids, but all I’ll say is that when the stories first began circulating about Rose and Prince William (circa 2019), no one questioned the paternity of Rose’s sons."
The italics to emphasize 'sons' is all Kaisers, knowing that after their sons, Rose and David had a daughter, in 2016. And presumably by excluding that poor innocent 8 year old from the 'no one questioned the boys paternity' rhetoric she is allowing a clear conclusion to be drawn.
Kaiser never says the most truly awful things outright, she thinks she is too 'whipsmart' for that. Instead she drops disgusting 'hints' to let her rabid followers run wild and do the dirtiest of her dirty work for her.
We see you Kaiser and we know exactly what you are doing and it's vile. Suggesting that Rose Hanbury is lying about the paternity of one of her own children whilst effectively cuckolding her husband? Its ok though as Kaiser concedes "I do think Rose has an It Factor. She’s striking, she’s thin and leggy, and she really does have beautiful eyes." which oddly is usually everything Kaiser hates, but hey she might be having an affair with the husband of a mother of 3 young children who is currently undergoing debilitating treatment for cancer but had the audacity to hesitate before sharing a lipgloss with her new sister in law so surely deserves all of this and more.
Oh and let's also bring a child into this, who is a completely private individual, and only fucking 8 years old and put a nasty loaded comment on the internet about her where it will remain for all eternity. Because remember people 'escapism can be smart'

First off, congrats to everyone for the past application cycle! No matter what your outcome was, it's a big accomplishment to have gone through the whole process. I'm a non-trad who was accepted to Queen's this year, on my 2nd application cycle. I will be 27 when I start this Fall. It feels surreal and I always told myself I'd write a post about my journey if this day ever came - and here we are.
I didn't decide to apply to med school until after I finished undergrad, and while doing my research, I always wished I could read/hear perspectives from others with my background. Even though everybody's path will be different, I hope that my story can provide some insight (or even hope) for other non-trad applicants out there.
Before we start, here are my stats because that's important:

• cGPA, OMSAS: 3.53
• wGPA, UBC: ~85%
• MCAT: 515 (127/129/130/129)
• Casper: 4th
• IP: BC and ON

I'll go in chronological order, briefly describing some of the major events that led me to today, starting from high school. Please ask me any questions in the comments - (almost) nothing is off limits :)
TLDR: I was a software engineer who quit after a year to go to grad school and pursue medicine. It took me 4 years from when I decided to pursue this to getting accepted at a Canadian school. I did a Masters in stats and applied 2 times. My biggest takeaway is to do a lot of what you are passionate about, do it well, and take it far (for me, that was teaching and research).
Some demographics:

• My parents and I immigrated to Canada from Asia when I was 3
• I grew up in the GTA and did undergrad in Ontario
• I'm the first person in my family to pursue med school. My immediate family and I are the only people in our whole family who live outside of Asia, and nobody in my parents' network of family friends is in healthcare either.

High school, 2011-2015: I was always interested in medicine as a kid, but math was always my favourite subject. I applied to several science and math programs, and was choosing between Western Med Sci and Waterloo Math. I did not apply to Mac Health Sci and looking back, I'm not sure why (perhaps a sign that I didn't believe in myself). I ended up choosing Waterloo Math and giving up on the medical school route in grade 12, for a few reasons: the math program had 6 co-op terms, meaning I'd graduate with 2 full-time years of job experience, and I wasn't particularly good at biology and didn't have strong reasons for pursuing medicine back then. Med school also seemed like an impossible goal, especially since I didn't have any mentors in the field.
Undergrad, 2015-2020: This was honestly a fun time for me. I double-majored in stats and CS and I did 6 co-ops, 5 of which were in software engineering roles. I had originally planned to do actuarial science, but quickly saw the earning potential in the tech industry and made it my goal to get a job at a big tech company. A lot of personal stuff happened during this time as well that affirmed my decision pursue a software engineering career. One part of it was that I didn't want my parents to worry about me, and being able to show them that I was able to do well for myself in tech felt really good.
Halfway through my co-ops, I realized that I wasn't feeling the most fulfilled in software roles, but management roles also didn't appeal to me. I didn't really take the time to fully explore this feeling, and it was easy to put it away in light of the high income and getting to live in big cities for internships. Still, I did well in my co-ops and built up my software skills. After realizing that "grades don't matter for getting tech jobs", I let my grades slip. It wasn't until 4th year that I decided I wanted to keep the door open for grad school, and starting taking classes I liked and getting better grades. I graduated with an 82% average, with my grades all over the place (which I'd later learn was bad for calculating my OMSAS gpa lol).
Throughout undergrad, I still wanted to be involved in clubs and stuff, so here's a list of all my undergrad ECs. All these were only 4-8 months long.

• 1st year: I was a member and president of my first year residence council
• 2nd year: I was in a leadership position at the statistics club
• 3rd year: I was an event coordinator for co-op students in a city away from home
• also 3rd year: I was part of a club that builds software for non-profits

Another activity from undergrad that made it onto my application was a research project I did at one of my co-ops. It was in NLP and I worked on it even after finishing that coop term. It ended up taking 4 years to get published.
Full-time software engineering, 2020-2021: I signed a return offer from one of my co-ops, and had planned to move to Seattle in the summer after graduating to start working. But Covid changed all that. I moved back home with my parents in the GTA and worked at my software job remotely for the full year.
It was during this year that I was really feeling unfulfilled in my job, and did a lot of thinking about how I wanted my career to look. I started to remember that med school was something that I once wanted to do, and I also started reading/watching a lot of content from people in medicine with non-traditional backgrounds. My partner, who is also from Ontario, was accepted to an international med school, and many of our friends were also getting into schools in Canada around the same time, so this reaffirmed to me that it was actually possible. While working for the year, I made a plan to apply to grad school (academia would be my back-up) and take the MCAT. Here's what my 2020-2021 looked like:

• July: started full-time work
• December-January: wrote personal statements and applied to 5 Masters programs in biostatistics
• February-April: acceptances to Masters programs came in, and I was studying for the MCAT
• June: took the MCAT, scored 508, and told my manager that I'd be leaving by August to start grad school

During this year, I also wrote out a 3-year plan that included my masters and 2 application cycles. I wrote out what courses I would take to fulfill prereqs, which schools I would apply to each year, and what my back-up plan would be. I think this was important to do rigorously since it gave me a clear idea of which schools I was eligible for, and how much work it would take me to become eligible for the rest of them.
I will also add that this is a rather objective recount of my process that year. In reality, I completely recognized how insane it was to quit my job to go to grad school, and I'm super lucky that I was able to.
Grad school, 2021-2023: I moved to BC to start my Masters in statistics in August. This choice was partly to gain IP status in BC, but mostly, this was really the best program for me out of the schools I applied to. Even looking back now, I would have chosen this program even without the IP consideration.
Here's a breakdown of everything I did during the first year of my Masters:

• Started a new volunteering role (tutoring) right away. Still doing this today, almost 3 years later.
• Took a first year English class to fulfill the UBC requirement. Side note: it felt very odd being a 25-year-old in a class of 18-year-olds, but I did well in both classes probably because of being older. At first, I dreaded taking these classes since English was never my strong suit. But being older meant that I allowed myself to be truly curious about the topics being taught, and I treated it more as an experience to learn more about the world than to just check off some boxes.
• Took the MCAT again, at the end of my first year of MSc. I had already confirmed a supervisor by then, and thankfully she is/was incredibly supportive of my goals. I took it in June 2022 and got 515.
• TA'd stats courses throughout the year
• Started working on my thesis research with my supervisor

First application, 2022: I applied only to UBC for my first application cycle. In retrospect, I should have just applied broadly right away, but I didn't feel like I had enough references built up by then. And UBC doesn't require references unless you get an interview. I honestly had very high hopes of getting an interview this year, and was crushed to receive a rejection in December with an NAQ of 50-75. I thought that my application was unique, but upon reflection, I realized that the lack of volunteering and community service was a big gap in my application.
So here's a breakdown of everything I did in my second year of my Masters and beyond:

• TA'd stats courses throughout the year, and was the head TA for one of them (I think this showed leadership and commitment to teaching)
• Started another volunteering role at the food bank
• Took another first-year English course
• Continued my research with my supervisor
• Got offered (and started) a lecturer role for an undergrad course at the university, which was such an amazing opportunity. My supervisor helped me a lot with getting this position, since I TA'd for her one semester and she recommended me to the department. This was a class of 150, and I was also in charge of a few TAs. I ended up teaching this class 2 more times after this!
• Finished my Masters in August 2023
• Started working full-time as a biostatistician in September 2023
• A first-author paper I started working on during undergrad was accepted in Fall 2023. I had been working on this on-and-off for the past 4 years so it was incredible for the work to finally pay off!

Second application, 2023: This time, I applied to UBC and every school in Ontario that I was eligible for: Queen's and Mac. I was rejected by UBC pre-interview again. Same NAQ, and my total score didn't change. I was totally crushed and thought it was over for this year. I was very honest with myself about the Ontario applications - Mac was a total throwaway application and Queen's felt like a complete gamble. I was rejected from Mac pre-interview but one fateful day in January, I received an email from Queen's. It had a very generic "Application Status" subject line and I opened it fully expecting a rejection. I was totally shocked when it said I was invited for the MMI! And a few months later, I was also invited to the Panel.
Some of my thoughts and preparation for the interviews:
MMI - Aside from the usual resources that are posted here, I also took advantage of the following:

• Support system: I had a lot of support from my partner, who had gone through MMIs from non-Canadian schools, and many of my friends who were already in med school.
• Resources: I paid for a prep session on AcceptedTogether and had a positive experience there. I also used the BrightStudent question bank and although the questions were good, the explanations and overall experience were mid. But their YouTube video was extremely useful.
• Mindset: Throughout my whole MMI prep, I was honestly very interested in exploring each prompt, and I think this mindset was extremely beneficial for making my answers both unique and genuine. During my Masters, I also took a class that covered topics in social determinants of health, and I semi-regularly enjoy reading about current events in this area, so both of those pieces of background were super helpful for me.

Panel - I was so happy to receive a panel interview, and knew that I could not mess this up. I prepped with a few different friends of mine who were in med school, and another friend who was going through Ontario interviews too. Going in, I felt very prepared, and in the days leading up to it, I even felt like my answers were on autopilot and a bit over-prepared. So I really tried to relax and "be myself"/answer genuinely during the panel. The real panel felt quite cold - I didn't get any feedback from my interviewers, and was a bit thrown off by some of the questions. I was also cut off by the Kira Talent timer at the end, and didn't get to say goodbye or thank you. For the rest of the day, I ruminated on all my answers. The content of my answers felt somewhere between "why would I say that" and "just fine" and "great", but I was definitely feeling a bit bad about the whole experience.
Decision Week, 2024: That brings us to this week! In the week leading up to the decision, I flip flopped between "My panel hated me, there's no way I passed the vibe check" and "My answers were good, my MMI felt good, why wouldn't they accept me". I opened the email at 6am (Pacific time) with zero expectations - I truly had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side. The first word was "Congratulations!" and I didn't read much farther than that before I started celebrating :)
So that's it. I told a lot of people I work with, my Masters supervisor, my parents, and my friends, and it felt amazing to deliver this good news. My closing thoughts about my whole journey are that even though I do think my application was great, I still got incredibly lucky. At any point in the process, I could have gotten an undesirable outcome, and there was nothing I could do to control that (other than my efforts prior). I also relied a lot on my support system, and was so lucky to have had + made friends who are in med school or were practising already.
I just feel so grateful to be starting this Fall, and I'm happy to say that my high school self would be in absolute disbelief if she could see where I am today. That statement is a sign to me that I'm on the right path, and I'm just so excited to be starting this long, hard career that is medicine.
If you've made it to the end, thank you for reading!! If you can relate to any part of my journey and have questions, please send me a comment or DM - my inbox is always open.

Hi there!
I'm trying to look for availability/pricing to fly roundtrip JFK/MAD in June but am having issues with the Iberia site. When I try to search, it shows me what flights are "available" but it doesn't show a price associated with them.
If I select flights, it shows me a price for Avios + Money but doesn't show me a price for just Avios. The box just above the Avios + Money options says, "Sorry, you don't have enough Avios for this flight. You can buy the Avios you need and select your flight again."
Is it not letting me see a price for just Avios because I don't have enough Avios? Or does this mean that buying with just Avios is simply not an option? Or is it a glitch on their website?
Appreciate anyone who is familiar who can provide some insight. I am not new to the points/miles game, but I AM new to this particular airline/FF program.
Thanks!
​

Dear FIAT USA:
Last year I purchased a used 2014 FIAT 500L with less than 60,000 miles on it. In the year I’ve owned it, I’ve experienced the following failures that have needed repair:
· Turbo failure
· Headliner sag / adhesive failure
· Exterior paint clear-coat failure
· Neutral safety switch Failure
· Rear hatch latch failure
· Alarm system programming failure
· Tire pressure monitoring system module failure
· Multi-air brick failure
· Driver sun visor failure (stalk became brittle, snapped)
· Passenger sun visor tension failure
· Rear license plate light assembly failure
· Coolant system component failure
The last of the latter listed failures (I’m sitting here thinking there HAS TO BE at least one other thing I’ve missed on that long distinguished list) required radiator replacement as well as upper and lower radiator hose replacement. Unfortunately, the upper radiator hose, part number 68261751AA, is on indefinite backorder as it has been for months. My car has likewise been undriveable for months as it requires said part to be operational again.
It’s one thing to make vehicles that are of low-quality, such low quality that the cost of repairing this vehicle far exceeds the (roughly) $10,000 I paid for it in only a year’s time. But, it’s another thing to manufacture vehicles…of any quality standard…but particularly those of FIAT standards where it’s well-known that replacement parts WILL BE NEEDED and OFTEN…..and NOT STOCK REPLACEMENT PARTS SUCH THAT DEALERSHRIPS MAY AVAIL THEMSELVES TO SAID PARTS WHEN THEY ARE NEEDED.
Are you surprised you sold a total of 602 new FIAT vehicles in the United States during the entirety of 2023? That’s a far cry from the 46, 999 units you sold in 2012. People thought back in 2012 they could trust FIAT again; surely they were not the same build quality as they were in the 1980s when you withdrew from the United States entirely, right? But, apparently, as stupid as the average consumer is, even they understood how bad FIAT quality still was and it showed by 2017 when sales began dropping to a tune of 26,492 units. Source: https://www.goodcarbadcar.net/fiat-us-sales-figures/
When I talk to FIAT dealers, few and far between as they are in the United States, I see no new cars being offered. The sales reps say they are by special order only because the demand isn’t there. The truth of the matter is that not only consumers don’t want them but the mechanics at FIAT dealerships cringe whenever anyone brings a FIAT in for service and repair because even the factory authorized dealers have a hard time figuring out what’s wrong with these things. Places like Jiffy Lube won’t even touch a FIAT, not even for a simple oil change! Some extended warranty companies won’t even sell a policy covering these vehicles; is it a wonder why?
I had to go out and buy a second car while still continuing to may payments on this 2014 FIAT 500L, thus mandating I make two car payments in lieu of one that I can barely afford (thus why I bought the car in the first place, as valuation on used FIATs are understandably depressed as compared to other makes here) just so the 500L can sit for God knows how long in the dealer’s satellite lot and rot away under a tree while it futility awaits FIAT to ship a radiator hose. You’d think one would be able to use a generic radiator hose but no: that hose was made to be specific for that car such that I cannot even substitute a generic because of a fitting specific to the model! You have to be kidding me!
You all should be ashamed of yourselves, first of all. Second of all, I hope you pull out of the United States market altogether. Why stay here in the States if you are not wanting to put forward effort in stocking even the simplest of parts for the cars you do offer here? Even the parts that were available in the long list of those that failed that I previously enumerated only numbered less than a handful in availability, such as there having been one sole neutral safety switch that the dealer was able to see available in national inventory when that failed. As the dealership’s service manager put it: “It’s almost like they want these things off of the road”. I don’t think you all want these things off the road. In fact, I don’t think the cars you sell to U.S motorists even cross your mind after they drive off of the sales floor. FIAT simply does not care about FIAT owners and the cars they are attempting to maintain!

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRASadsadboon posting in relationship_advice
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 17th February 2024
Update - 23rd February 2024
Previous BORU is here
1 New Update
Update 2 - 15th May 2024
​
I (29M) lost my wife three years ago. Started dating again, and new girlfriend (32F) wants to visit my wife's grave.
​
I am one of many who lost someone in that damn 2020. She was my world and we had our future all set up, she wanted children too by 2021, and then she was gone.
I felt I had lost all sense of purpose and after an agonizing year, moved away - not too far, but not close either. I didn't feel like I could breathe in that town. Still, every Saturday I get back and visit her resting place.
I just functioned for about two years - I am not depressed or anything like that, but I just functioned. Until I met who we will call Ada last year.
We started talking and hanging out together. She can be a bit haughty with people she doesn't know well but I was surprised to find out how sweet and kind she is under the ice. She gave me something to look forward to again. She likes to do most of the talking herself, which is fine with me because I never know what to say.
She knows everything about my wife, and this didn't discourage her. She knows I am doing therapy and still mourning, but she never left me alone. I asked her to tell me if anything I do or say makes her feel uncomfortable or like she's not a priority - she said that as of now I am doing nothing of the sort. She knows what I do every Saturday morning, and never objected to it. But today she said she would like to "meet her", as in accompany me in visiting her grave.
I feel conflicted about this. On one hand I respect and feel touched by her wish, on other it feels... weird, for a guy to take the new girlfriend where the first wife is buried. How should I approach this? Is it too soon, should I ask her to wait for that?
TL;DR I am a widower who started dating. Girlfriend wants to visit my wife's grave and I have conflicting feelings about it.
​
Comments
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jiddlyjidson
Waiting is fine if you are not ready. It feels like she wants to support you in something that was (and am sure still is) pretty traumatic. Joining you to visit isn’t about meeting your wife, it’s about being with you whilst you are still grieving/recovering.
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Inner-Pianist-7628
Came here to say this last part. She genuinely wants to be apart of your life and support you bro. This is actually kind of beautiful. On the flip note it’s totally understandable that you might not be ready though.

OOP: Thank you. I admit that one of my biggest concerns is that I don't want to take advantage of her goodwill, even unintentionally. Her kindness and patience are near infinite, but I told her I don't want our relationship to be all about this, it would not be fair for her. She reassured me she doesn't feel taken advantage of and that I do a lot to make her feel loved and appreciated for who she is, but at the same she recognizes this is a part of me she's willing to accept to be with me.
To clarify, I don't do anything dramatic like talking to her grave or crying my eyes out when I visit. I just keep it clean, water the flowers and replace the dead ones, check the wear and tear on the stone, and clean the glass with her picture.

​
Update - 6 days later
​
Some additional info and an update.
Some redditors and some people around us were worried that my relationship with Ada is just a rebound. I admit is something that I too was worried about, and Ada told me she didn't have long lasting expectations at first.
We began dating in April 2023, but as things progressed and she saw my intentions are serious and I'm committed, her doubts about me were gone. She says we are made of the same stuff - we are two loyal, committed and hardworking people and she wants a future with me. And so do I. We are looking for a new place to share and I'm looking for the ring to make my proposal.
I admit that one of my biggest concerns is that I don't want to take advantage of her goodwill, even unintentionally. Her kindness and patience are near infinite, but I told her I don't want our relationship to be all about my past, it would not be fair for her. She reassured me she doesn't feel taken advantage of and that I do a lot to make her feel loved and appreciated for who she is, but at the same she recognizes this is a part of me she's willing to accept to be with me.
To my surprise, everyone approves of us - my parents, Ada's parents, and my late wife's mother. We never got any backlash.
​
On the update. I talked about this with my therapist. She feels that based on what she knows about Ada and the way she always behaved about this, that bringing her to my wife's grave will probably be a positive thing. So I told Ada that if she feels like it, I'd be glad to take her with me this Saturday. She was happy to hear this, she usually works on Saturday mornings, but said she'd take the morning off for me.
However I had unexpected things come up for tomorrow - I have to cover for a sick coworker, which means I'll be taken all morning and great part of the afternoon. It happens, and when it happens I either go on Friday or Sunday. I decided to go this afternoon (we are in Europe, it's evening here) and asked Ada if she wanted to come along - and she readily agreed.
We didn't talk much during the drive. When we arrived, we made our way to my wife's tombstone and I just said "Well, here she is". I fetched the water for the flowers and start my usual routine, Ada just crouched as if to examine it. Then she just helped me with the caretaking routine, removing the dead leaves and flowers, and cleaning the picture and the light. We then took a walk around the cemetery (might sound weird, but it's not unusual here as many cemeteries double as parks here) then sat outside for a smoke before the drive back.
We talked a bit, and Ada, who's quite the stoic, got a little emotional. She was happy I had let her in on such what for me is a particularly intimate and sacred place, but also shaken because after all the talking we had done of my late wife she subconsciously thought of her as someone she'd want to meet and be friends with, but seeing the grave reminded and cemented the fact that this amazing woman is gone. It was a bit of shaking for me too seeing her tearing up, since she's the most stoic woman I've ever met, but also made me think how this woman is a rare gem.
I don't doubt that in different circumstances, my late wife and Ada would have been great friends. And I'm a very lucky guy for finding not one, but two amazing woman which gave and still give my life meaning every day.
TL;DR I brought my girlfriend to my late wife's grave, and things went well.
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Comments
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TBagger1234
I’ve read so many posts here about people who have lost their partner and their new partner wants them to remove all memory of them as if they aren’t an important part of your life story. Ada is a good one. All the best OP!

OOP: Yeah, I read some of those posts too. Stuff of nightmares.

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grandmasvilla
You are blessed to meet someone like Ada who is kind and understanding. Show your appreciation for her with your love and make her happy for the rest of your life. All the best.

OOP: Naturally, my friend. Making her happy and smile every day is my top priority. She gave me another chance at life.

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Update 2 - 3 months later
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Hello, I hope everyone here is well.
For a couple of months I had forgotten about this account, but I gave it a look the other day and read again all the beautiful comments and some very touching private messages. Again, thank you all for your interest and kindness.
Ada and I are doing well and we have found a place to move in together. If all goes well we'll be living together by July. Last month was the fourth anniversary of my late wife's passing. Ada was with me and held my hand.
I was a bit depressed like I am always am on our anniversaries, but Ada made it better. Sometimes I dream about my late wife, her coming back home, but either she never talks or I never remember what she says. However, when I dreamed her that night, in the dream there was Ada as well and they met each other. She was very happy about us and told me she's happy Ada is there for me when she can't.
I talked with Ada about the dream, and we agreed it's my brain telling me it's okay to move on. I'll always love, honor and cherish my late wife, but now there is Ada who is giving me so much and deserves to be happy, to be loved and honored the way she deserves. And I don't intend to disappoint her.
As an aside, Ada also said that who knows, it could also be the spirit of my late wife visiting me in the only place she can, my dreams. She says we can see like that if we take the spiritual approach. Honestly I wouldn't know, death is one of those mysteries only those who passed have discovered, and they can't tell us.
We are doing well. We have also managed to program our first true vacation together and I was proud to formally introduce Ada as my partner when my company's CEO invited me to dinner with her husband.
It's an exciting new journey and we are thrilled to see where it will lead us. We are a team and we have a game plan.
TL;dr Things are good.
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Comments
BigIronBruce

I talked with Ada about the dream, and we agreed it's my brain telling me it's okay to move on

This is very sweet but I want to caution you that grief is complicated and recovery does not always happen in a straight line. You might sometimes have really complicated feelings of betrayal or heartbreak in the future and that's normal.
It's ok to move on, I'm sure your wife would want that but be careful of interpreting dreams.
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mak_zaddy
I love a great Reddit update. A true palate cleanser.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
Deep in the groaning halls of sinew and bone he awaited his audience with the god. At a wave of his hand the ribs which held up the ceiling contracted, tendons shifting within the pink walls of the chamber as the jagged, calcareous spurs that composed the doorway sank back into the spongy masses of tissue, revealing a passage curving down and out of sight.
Menash stood before the yawning portal and considered eternity. This was no an idle thought: here in the Dawning Chamber, the concept was very real. His father, Yulan, had stood in this exact spot times beyond count. When he was struck down in his prime by the Night Weaver and her Leaper offspring, torn limb from limb as he fought to defend Chthonis from a raiding party, Menash’s uncle, Aqavarr, had carried his broken remains over that grinning threshold to join the hosts of the dead, never to return.
A hot and heavy exhalation rattled up out of the depths, wafting in the acrid scent of the bonding pools and the wet slithering sound of the rebirthing canals. Menash felt a crackle of static in the corners of his mind before the signal sharpened and he heard It whisper distinctly:
“Enter…”
The familiar dread crept its way up the small of his back, and he gave a little shiver. No matter how many times he had communed with the Vitalus, he’d never been able to shake the feeling of his utter insignificance. But he persevered, walking bravely down the slurping passage, past the rows of broad antechambers lining either side of the hallway. Each one held a slumbering shape immersed in a cryogenic bath, towering hulks of muscle encased in ribbed and riveted plates of chitin. No two were alike in size or physiology, but all seemed to emanate the same primeval aura of dread that tickled Menash’s fight-or-flight-instinct, skewing it very much towards the latter response. These were the Hollowores, soulless avatars of the Vitalus, each one a tool capable of eradicating an entire species. As Menash approached, one of the living weapons stirred to life. A pronged, anvil-shaped head emerged from the bath, umbilical feeder tubes detaching from its armored flanks as the rest of its bulk followed, its mauve exoskeleton as sleek and shiny as amethyst. The Hollowore extended legs as thick as grown pine trees and lifted itself above him, its pairs of crushing pincers dripping amniotic fluids as it herded him towards the central room.
Bundles of white gossamer filaments spread all across the floor, encircling steaming pools of pus and acid. He saw arms and legs, sensory organs and entire exoskeletons being knitted before his very eyes, the amino acid chains being stitched on a layer at a time, the weeping pus evidence of microphages fighting off possible infections as the Vitalus did Its work.
These were the next generation of exomorphs, yet to be assigned to their hosts. It was here that Vitalus constantly improved the only thing that could ensure the continued survival of Menash’s subspecies. Exomorphs were bonded to Gallivants at birth, the organisms supplying their hosts with the means to breathe an atmosphere they was never meant to endure, and the strength to fight in a world that was red in tooth and claw. They were as swift as the summer wind and could multiply their host’s muscular power by up to twelve times their natural output.
But for all their God-given might, Gallivants were still mortal. They could and often did perish in the endless struggle for existence that the Vitalus called the Great Game. But even in death they could still commit their essence to posterity, passing down their defining traits through the malleable genetic code of the gilt helix. It was the Vitalus’ greatest boon; through the gilt helix a single individual could become a progenitor of an entire generation, becoming at one stroke the father of whole nations and peoples.
One day he too would prove worthy of the honor that Yulan had earned with his life. But he was not alone in that ambition. Menash was annoyed to find the crimson-clad Vezda and the cowardly Racek waiting for him inside, standing next to a large ball of filaments that hung from a tonsil-like growth hanging from the walls.
This node pulsed, emitting a small storm of bioelectric activity, networks of fungi conveying commands in the form of oscillating voltages to their communities of symbiotic bacteria, the latter containing greigite mineral crystals aligned in the shape of electromagnetic coils. Other networks hidden in the walls modulated and amplified the signals, and the three Gallivants steeled themselves for the onrushing flood of information as the Vitalus tapped into their minds.
He was a candle before the raging heart of the thunderstorm. For an instant Menash touched a fraction of Its intelligence, the divisions of time and space rolling back as they joined the ocean of shared consciousness, becoming one with the living systems of Arachnea. From the tiniest aeroplankton floating above the waves of the golden coastlines, to the herds of ultrapods munching their way through swathes of trees in the savannahs. Menash felt himself pushing up out of the soil, longing and lusting and reaching for the sunlight with a trillion green fingers uncurling, alive with the furious movement of life.
But what was that flicker of orange to the east? That searing heat, that prickling pain spreading like a cancer down his side?
The Vitalus scooped them up and hurled them headlong into hell itself. A roaring wildfire was sweeping into the heart of the eastern rainforests. Menash tasted ash and ruin, felt pieces of himself wither and burn, his branches tongues of fire, wood cracking from the intense blaze, sap boiling instantaneously upon contact and rupturing, splitting him right down the grain. He fled in terror, running, slithering, digging, swimming, flying away in crazed panic from the walls of red death closing in on him. As his skin flaked off in clumps of charcoal he looked back and saw it towering over the treetops, the epicenter of this howling vortex of destruction: the grey behemoth. Its burnished metal hide gleamed like copper, reflecting the fury of the conflagration burning well into the night.
Menash pulled his mind away before it was lost forever in the storm of electric potentials. He saw Racek and Vezda swaying on their feet, breathing hard and fast.
“Heart of the World,” he managed to gasp, “What is your bidding?”
The Hollowore maneuvered itself until it was facing him directly. Tiny beady eyes fixed him in their blank gaze. The node emitted a blue pulse and the creature shuddered as it received the signal. It opened a maw powerful enough to chew boulders into gravel and rumbled:
“This one is the alpha which survived first contact with anomalous variable. It will tell Us what occurred, and from whence this threat emerged.”
“It came from the karst mountain range, where the yellowjacket Amit live,” Menash replied, “It was destroying the largest mound in that area, massacring its inhabitants. It brought the mountain down on them—we’ve never seen anything like it. Zildiz was the first on the scene. She warned us not to approach, and that it was dangerous, but some of us,” here he cast an angry look at Vezda, “Some of us went ahead and tried to scavenge from the bodies of the dying. Then the behemoth ignited the air and burned scores of us to cinders.”
“Irrational. Why did you do this?”
“W-we thought that you had spawned the grey behemoth,” Menash stammered, embarrassed to say the least, “That it was the newest addition to the Great Game, another species of ultrafauna that would help perfect Arachnea.”
“Not so. It was made by an evil far older than the All-In-One,” replied the Vitalus, “It is called a Divine Engine. In cycles past, this evil sought to undo this world and all that inhabit it. In that, it almost succeeded.”
Menash felt his blood run cold at those words.
“Is it the only one of its kind?” Racek piped up. Menash and Vezda both bristled at his interruption; subordinates were only supposed to speak when spoken to.
“There were several deployed here in Our infancy. We had thought them all destroyed in the War of Creation.”
“Your Munificence,” Racek went on, heedless of the venomous looks he was getting from the other two, “Most of us survived because Zildiz persuaded us to dive into the river. She saved all our lives! But as I washed up on the riverbank, I saw the behemoth casting a seedpod into the skies. I did not see where it landed, but it was travelling in a high arc due east. Is this the behemoth’s method of reproducing? If so, then how many offspring can it generate from this one seed?”
The Vitalus met his questions with a minute of silence. Menash had never known It to take so long to respond to a query, and felt another stab of unease in his gut. Unless he was imagining things, the Vitalus seemed genuinely disturbed by the scenario that Racek has raised, enough to convince Menash that the danger was far from hypothetical.
“That is a distant possibility,” It said somewhat cryptically, “Regardless, We cannot allow the Engine’s continued existence.”
“Then it must be destroyed,” Vezda said, her barbed tail eagerly perking up.
“We are not certain that it can be,” the Vitalus said, and Menash heard Racek audibly gulp at the admission.
“But Your Omniscience, you alone are the arbiter of growth and decay,” Vezda said in disbelief, “Surely you can unmake this monster as well?”
“Perhaps. The Divine Engines were built to withstand the extremes of temperature, gravity, atmospheric pressure, acidity and irradiation found on semi-inhabitable exoplanets. Worlds of bareness and desolation, glassed by thermonuclear bombardment or infested with alien microorganisms. In the wars of Our youth, the Betrayers used tungsten-alloy warheads fired from space platforms to crack their bulkheads. Not even Our vessels, the Hollowores, could damage them in any significant way. We will need time to gather the raw materials and fabricate the weapons needed to end this threat.”
“What must we do?” Menash asked.
“If this variable is not dealt with, it could upset the delicate balance We have sacrificed so much to achieve. Already the wildfire it has caused will release close to 400 million metric tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and destroy 2.3 million acres of forest before Our countermeasures can stop it. Time is our limiting factor. If the Engine cannot be destroyed now, it must be restrained.”
“It hasn’t moved an inch since we last saw it,” Vezda said brightly, “Maybe it has already died?”
“Yes, and maybe your mother was a horka toad,” Racek said snidely. Vezda scowled and took a step towards him, then stopped as she remembered that she trod on hallowed ground.
“Not so. It has merely gone dormant. Having expended its fuel, it is now running on the bare minimum of its reserves. My children, you must ensure that it does not wake again. Establish a quarantine zone around the Engine and let none approach, on pain of death. The Leaper kindreds will secure the ground while the Gallivants patrol the skies.”
Vezda and Menash exchanged troubled looks. Nobody wanted Leapers establishing a foothold in what was essentially a buffer zone between their subspecies. Once allowed to settle in a habitat, it would not take long for them to adapt and become masters of their new territory. Ousting them would become a battle of attrition, and given the lower birthrates of Gallivants, it was not one they could long afford.
“Respectfully, we do not require assistance from our brother kindred,” Menash ventured, “We are more than capable of safeguarding the area ourselves.”
The node throbbed again, the bioelectric flashes taking on an angry purple hue. With a sound like the grinding of a millstone the Hollowore clashed its claws together impatiently. All three of the mortals took a hasty step back.
“The alpha will obey, or another will be found that can,” the Vitalus growled at them, “All subspecies will observe a general truce during this period. This is a temporary addition to the Great Game. Those that serve Us well shall be rewarded. We shall also enlist the aid of your terrestrial cousins, as well as the Cataphract clans to replenish the soil, and lone Saints who shall rove beyond the quarantine zone.”
Menash’s unease deepened. The Vitalus was bringing together four different kindreds, some of which killed each other on sight, in a move that reeked of desperation. The kindreds had worked together before, of course, on complex projects such as altering rainfall patterns and husbanding struggling species, but never so many at once. This was bound to end in bloodshed.
“Those that break the truce shall be chemically neutered, and their gilt helix purged from the existing gene pool,” the Vitalus continued, “You will maintain this quarantine until We have dealt with the Engine.”
“It is understood!” Menash and Vezda said at once.
“But what about Zildiz?” Racek blurted out, again risking his entire lineage by speaking out of turn, “She might still be alive out there!”
“He’s right,” Menash found himself agreeing despite his dislike for Racek, “She’s our alpha, after all. It would be a shame to lose her helix. Do we have your leave to send out a party to recover her?”
The Vitalus pondered the request for a moment, then crushed his hopes when it said:
“Regrettable, the loss of the female. Valuable stock for the breeding program. But it has not responded to Our signals—it is unlikely to have survived. The female Vezda shall take up its duties as alpha.”
“But Your Benevolence—” both men cried out in unison.
“It is decided. She has risked the Great Game, and must abide by its outcome. To speak more on this would risk Our displeasure,” the god warned.
“We can’t spare the manpower anyway,” Vezda pointed out, trying not to look too pleased at Its decision. She darted a quick look at Menash, long enough for him to see the selfish desire festering in her heart. He turned away from her in disgust, baring his blades by the slightest of margins to let her know what he thought of her, then asked the Vitalus:
“But what of the Engine’s seedpod? Should we search for it?”
“Negative!” the Vitalus boomed, its node reinforcing the word with a spike of activity that sent needles of pain spearing into their heads, “We shall complete this task. It is dangerous and can be entrusted to no other.”
The Hollowore angled its massive head towards the cavernous ceiling, armored flaps on its back sliding aside as it unfurled sets of rigid sixty-meter wings. A wide sphincter on the roof gaped open and Menash saw the evening sky awash with the stars in their milky multitudes. The Hollowore took a deep breath through the spiracles lining its thorax and abdomen, pumping air through a pair of hollow tube-like protuberances under either of its wings. Menash and the others quickly scampered to a safe distance. Seconds later there was a scream of chemical combustion and the Hollowore rose into the evening skies, leaving behind a long trail of superheated gases, the backwash almost knocking Menash off his feet. They watched as the Hollowore gained altitude, making straight for the columns of billowing smoke on the horizon, a sweeping shadow blotting out the light of the heavens.
The Vitalus’ mental presence receded with it. When it did not return, they took it to mean that they were dismissed and likewise took flight and headed for Chthonis. They were hardly out of the Dawning Chamber when Vezda seized the scrawny Racek by his wings and anchored her feet right up against his back.
“Funny little man, are you? Crack jokes at my expense again, and I’ll see to it that you’ll never fly again!” she snarled, yanking hard. Racek yelled as his wings threatened to pop out of their sockets.
“Stop!” Menash said, ramming his shoulder into her and knocking the smaller male out of her grip. Vezda rounded on him, blades out and her tail aquiver with rage.
“As for you! No one should speak to the Vitalus like that!” she shrieked, “Much less gainsay It! Are you trying to get us all killed? It is the source and continuance of life itself—”
“But the Vitalus doesn’t always consider the individual scale of things,” Menash reasoned, controlling his rising anger as he tried to defuse the situation, “Its scope of thought is beyond ours. Therefore it is up to us to look after each other. None of us can win the Great Game alone. We need people like Zildiz for the species to prosper.”
“Your logic is flawed,” Vezda spat, “Empathy is a sham devised by the selfish action of the gene, which seeks only to preserve itself. At least I am honest enough to look after my own interests. Your obsession with that whore is misplaced. Heed my words, Menash. What happened today marks a change in the Great Game. Only the ruthless will reap the rewards of this era. Think on that, and act accordingly.”
The female darted off in another direction, leaving the two behind.
“Thanks,” Racek said, rubbing at his sore shoulders, “My, my. She’s really taking her promotion very seriously, isn’t she?”
“This doesn’t make us friends,” Menash said shortly, “We share a common interest, that’s all.”
The two flew together in silence for a time, the dark canopy unrolling below their feet. Racek had always been a bitter rival for Zildiz’s affections. In the mating seasons he and Menash had flown the damsel-dance against each other countless times, racing and dogfighting at top speed through the dense bamboo thickets in an effort to impress her.
But each time she had always chosen Menash. Naturally. He was the stronger, the braver, the son of the Scourge who had slain hundreds on his lightning raids into Leaper territory. Their pairings had been brief and passionate, yet she had always laughed at the end and gone on her merry way, a rose petal borne on a scented breeze, the dalliance as meaningless to her as other concerns like eating or breathing.
But not to him. Right now, all that mattered was her. And Racek was the only one in the whole wide world who knew exactly how he felt. Did that mean he could be trusted? Menash considered the enormity of what he was about to do, and wavered. Then he saw her face in the darkness of his home, the face she wore when they were all alone together, and he took a deep breath before breaking the silence, saying:
“I’ll be in charge of the quarantine. I can arrange for you to disappear for a few days. I can have one of the younglings mimic your magnetosynaptic signal, make it seem like you’re with the rest of us.”
“You’d do that? For me?” Racek said in astonishment.
“Hah. Not for you,” Menash laughed softly. He looked Racek straight in the eyes and continued: “What’ll it be, then?”
If he so much as hesitates, I’ll have to kill him here and now, Menash told himself.
“Why, yes. Yes, of course!” the little brown male said vigorously.
“Good,” Menash sighed with relief, “She’ll be very grateful to whoever brings her home. I’d do it myself, but as an alpha I can’t risk being seen as disobedient.”
“Then why give me this chance? After all that’s passed between us?”
“I should have thought that was obvious,” Menash replied. Racek digested that for a bit, then out of nowhere said:
“If I find her—when I find her—I’ll tell her exactly who it was that sent me.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Bah! Just so we’re even, that’s all,” Racek grinned, his mouthparts slanting askew.
“Thanks, I guess. I’d…I’d appreciate that. You do understand what we’re risking here, right?”
“Sure. We’ll be total genetic write-offs if we’re caught. But it’s not like I wanted to see tiny ugly Raceks running around the house anyway. What about you, though? Why are you putting your neck on the chopping block?”
“You know why,” Menash said quietly, his thoughts still lingering on her face.
“Yes,” Racek agreed with a wistful air, “Yes, I suppose I do.”
And the pair spoke no more until they reached Chthonis.
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

Hello everyone!
I have been studying for the GMAT in pursuit of an MBA using TTP for about three months. I feel like content wise it's been going really well but last night I did some reflection and realized that I didn't even know what score I was shooting for. I have my TTP set to the Expert+ track because I figured I should just aim as high as I possibly could, but as I continue to go through the content I'm thinking that I might be stretching myself too thin between a demanding job and studying. Studying has been causing me a lot of stress as of late because of this. I am hoping to sit for my official exam in early August.
Here is my profile for some context:
25M, White, US
Education:

• Industrial Design undergraduate degree from a large state school. 3.78GPA
• Mens Water Polo
• Judicial Board of Fraternity for 2 years

Work: Will have 3.5 years of WE upon matriculation.

• Architectural Designer at small firm: Led two large scale projects. (8 months post grad).
• Virtual Reality Designer for a neural rehab medtech robotics startup: Directed VR content visuals for simulation platform.
• Promoted to Project Manager for same company above: Leading teams into the commercial dev phase.

EC's:

• Emerging Tech Research Fellow for my parent University and the International Rescue Committee: 1.5 years.
• Competitive amateur golf (13 years, probably does not count as an EC but it's basically the main thing I do in my spare time)

My goal post MBA is to stay in healthcare (I have absolutely loved it compared to architecture) and advance my career in product leadership. I love design and engineering, but would like to move to a bigger market and work for an organization that is having an impact on a larger user group in the medical device technology space. I believe the MBA will provide me with the business fundamentals that will complement my prior design experience, and I hope this combination will me allow me to be a more competent leader in product who can bring in a unique user centric perspective.
Current Target Programs in order: UNC, Vanderbilt, Duke
Any advice on a target score would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance!
TL;DR: Product design background, 3.78gpa state school, what score should I realistically be shooting for?