My wife and I are looking to buy our first car ever.
We have finally decided to choose between the cars mentioned. We are both 27 years old and planning to have a child in a year or two, so we want the car seat to fit comfortably when needed in the future. Since this is our first car, I don't have much idea about how much we will drive, but I am assuming around 1500-2000 km per month. I don't have any preference in terms of driving, and I honestly liked both cars when I did the test drive.
I know I'm comparing a sedan with a CUV, but this is what we have come up with.
From my research and talking with dealers, I am getting the Civic Sport (second top trim below Touring) for $31,500 CAD and the CX-5 (base trim) for $33,600 CAD. I will not be changing my car for at least 5 years.
On top of the Civic pricing, I am also getting all-weather mats, theft protection, my choice of color for free, and a few other extra fees removed, which I am not getting with the CX-5 and would have to pay extra for if I wanted them.
Regarding the driving and feel of the car, I liked both but felt the CX-5 (AWD) is more refined and smooth with the automatic transmission compared to the CVT on the Civic. Fuel-wise, the Civic is better due to the CVT, FWD, and smaller engine. In terms of features, I don't think I'm missing much with the Mazda, but the Civic definitely has the upper hand due to the trim level (moonroof, better looking 18-inch alloys, remote start). Safety-wise, the Mazda has better ratings, but I won't get better resale. I felt the interior space is almost similar in both, but it seemed the Civic is bigger.
For the first year, I am paying the same insurance, but as I gain more experience, I believe the Mazda will be cheaper in the future.
I'm so confused and unable to make a decision about which one to go for.
Tldr;
My wife and I are deciding between our first cars: a Honda Civic Sport ($31,500 CAD) and a Mazda CX-5 ($33,600 CAD). We're 27, planning to have a child soon, and expect to drive about 1500-2000 km/month. The Civic offers more features and extras at a lower price, while the CX-5 feels more refined and smooth to drive. The Mazda has better safety ratings but potentially lower resale value. Both have similar interior space. Insurance costs are the same for the first year, but Mazda might be cheaper long-term. We're struggling to make a decision.

Genuinely I was concerned about Chloe the whole time. From the moment I picked her up she seemed like she was annoyed and didn’t really want to be there. I knew she was tired and needed food, she gets visibly hangry. When we went out later that night, I could feel her being closed off not really engaging with us. She is recently sober again but the plan was always to go out. My other friend Lia who came to visit and I would have some drinks and I would introduce them to friends I’ve made in town saying goodbye to them. I understood that may have been triggering and hard for her. So I didn’t push her to be energetic and gave her space to feel her feelings. By the time we went to see my bf at his work she was checking her boyfriend’s location and saying she felt like he was lying to her about what he was doing. He didn’t answer her call so I figured that would be a thing for the rest of the night as she doesn’t let things go like that. I thought she was worrying about him since that’s the only thing she mentioned. I wanted to distract her from that, get her to dance, and asked my local friend Izzy to help me get her out of her head. I was asking Lia how she was cause she was hardly engaging with me. Lia said she’s okay there’s just a lot going on. I knew she wasn’t having a fantastic time but I thought she was trying to or would tell me she’s not. I thought she was out on the phone with her bf when I didn’t see her. I wish she would’ve used her words to tell me how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave I would’ve said of course. I was anxious since the moment she asked for my keys. I was like what for? She said she just wanted to sit in my car. I tried to ask her what was going on but she was already on the way out. Again I assumed it was her mood in general and her bf cause never said anything else to me. She was mad at me for doing something I didn’t know she thought I was doing. She is a grown woman who can advocate for herself and what she needs. She was mad at me for not focusing on her. She can tell me what’s bothering her. We were supposed to be celebrating a huge accomplishment in my life and it feels like she made herself the center of attention. I may have been a little selfish to want to enjoy our time and try to distract Chloe from what was bothering her instead of confronting her. But she didn’t seem to want to talk about it.
I wanted to go to a certain bar solely because Ben and his sister were there. I told Ben that Chloe would be in town and he said he and his sister were super excited to see her. I figured she would like to see a friendly face but she said she didn’t care to see him. Ben and his sister love her and since she didn’t want to speak to them I did.
I was very hurt by her words and how she was avoiding everyone all day after my graduation ceremony. Even after I graduated I didn’t really hear her say a word. My mom just told me she wasn’t even sitting with my family and other friend at the ceremony. She had left and gone somewhere else and never came back to her seat. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I would have loved to spend time with her but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t really want to be around her after feeling her anger towards me. So I didn’t push her, she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness. I can’t read her mind or know what she’s feeling if she doesn’t make it clear. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. If I feel something I’ll say it.
I only went out on Saturday for two hours after dinner because Lia said I should enjoy my last night here. She asked me if I was going to and I said I didn’t want to just leave you at my house. Chloe said she was going to nap and Lia said she wanted to relax and get ready to leave. If I had stayed I would’ve just been sitting on the floor of my room. She said I should go and I was encouraged to enjoy myself but I promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride and if they didn’t show I would’ve driven them down to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day in my life. I suppose I shouldn’t have came back. Maybe that blow up could have been avoided, if I didn’t come back when no one was getting back to me after I asked if they were getting ready. I said I would so wouldn’t that be mean to not come back? Even if Chloe hardly said a word to me the whole day. I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember she was being brutally mean but I wasn’t really surprised. I was hoping she would have just talked to me but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I just remember snippets and her telling me to shut up, that she was going to punch me in my face and lunging towards me. She pushed her chair back and walked away until the car came. I was bawling my eyes out after. I stand by what I said to Lia, why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me. Lia started crying saying I didn’t deserve that and she was sorry that just happened. That she loved me and was proud of me. I was crying for hours and shaking. I had a horrible day the next day as well and will probably continue to for a while.
This is not the first time Chloe has made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our roadtrip around 4 years ago when she was drunk. She yelled said something along the lines of me being spoiled and dependent. She accused me of having sex with the Europeans in the tents near us after I was on the phone with my parents crying. I came back and she told me she’d hurt me if I tried to get in the tent. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that so I snuck in the tent after she went to sleep and cried sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could.
She said a lot of horrible things to me and her blow up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened. What she thought happened was not intentional but her reaction was. If she sees me as spoiled then so be it. I know many people who have it better than me and those who don’t. But if I didn’t have the support and love from my family that I have, then she wouldn’t either. She was my foster sister at one point in our teens. My dad has been the kindest father figure in her life and always considered her a daughter along with our other friend. I’ve been fortunate to have the family I have and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t, since moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years when we were friends and would cater to her and let her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman who has the bravery to live my life the way I want to and not be afraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am which has taken me some time. I’ve been enjoying my years in college and making new friendships. This ‘new me’ that she said she doesn’t respect is a better me. A more comfortable and complete me. Someone extroverted and kind, loved and enjoyable to be around.
It was my graduation weekend and it was known that we would go out and I would be saying goodbye to my friends. I have made a lot so I was constantly being distracted. If that makes me a party girl, weird but okay. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. Feels like as soon as she gets sober she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk, I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up to wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car and not hey I’m not feeling great let’s go makes me confused. That’s not something I deal with, where I have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party whether or not she was sober as the visit was planned before that. The whole graduating class seemed to be out and celebrating. If she didn’t want to be around drinking, I would have understood. In that case maybe she shouldn’t have come. I didn’t technically invite her, she planned to come on her own. I appreciate that but this weekend was going to happen as any graduate would have celebrated it. I would have been sad to not see the people I’ve actually spent time with over the past two years. She has visited over spring break so she knew what my town could be like. I can’t change my plans for her when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I would be back in home in a week I thought it was understood that I would be spending time with people other than her and having some drinks to celebrate. I was excited that my best friends would get to meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life that I had experienced since working at a bar there. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends but I’ve made more friends since who I had to say goodbye to. I thought that celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place that I didn’t really want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone but that can’t be expected. We would have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accuses me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from considering I was being responsible, not overdoing it, and not blacking out which is her issue with alcohol (which I’ve never done) I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to have the ability to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching especially since our experiences with her vs how we have been. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets which has sometimes been very uncomfortable and night ruining. When I came to visit in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, let my friends get drunk as they want. No judgement. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does? She did not have a good experience in college because she was being in her interpretation a ‘party girl.’ Still no judgement when she had to drop out and come home to leave the coke and drinking behind there. But judge me on my graduation weekend okay. I should’ve been more drunk.
Essentially how could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings when she didn’t tell me what was wrong. Feelings I didn’t know I was hurting by trying to celebrate my graduation. Well she really hurt my feelings on the very day of the biggest accomplishment of my life - intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them.
I apologize if some of this is rambling or me being harsh towards her. I sympathize with her struggles and always have. It’s very fresh and it hurt me more than any other incident with her. I was excited to have my best friends with me on my graduation day but I felt no love from her.

Hi everyone,
I'm looking for some advice on choosing the best car for my family. We have one toddler and one infant, and our priorities are safety, reliability, and room. Both options are priced below $40k. Here are the details:
Option 1: 2022 Toyota Highlander Platinum - Mileage: 55,000 miles (likely mostly highway) - Safety: High safety ratings (NHTSA 5-star, IIHS Top Safety Pick+) - Features: Toyota Safety Sense 2.5+, leather upholstery, heated/ventilated seats, panoramic sunroof - Considerations: Higher mileage, and I'm not sure how well-maintained it is, but it offers more interior space
Option 2: 2022 Acura MDX SH-AWD with Technology Package - Mileage: 23,000 miles - Safety: High safety ratings (NHTSA 5-star, IIHS Top Safety Pick+) - Features: AcuraWatch safety suite, leather seats, advanced navigation, premium audio - Considerations: Lower mileage, potentially higher maintenance costs, luxurious feel
I'm torn between these two options. The Highlander has more miles and there's some uncertainty about its maintenance history, but it seems to offer more space. The MDX, on the other hand, has significantly fewer miles and offers a premium experience.
Considering my priorities (safety, reliability, and room), which car would you suggest? Any insights or personal experiences with either vehicle would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance for your help!

newer throw away..as I dont want this on my main.
So some backstory on both of us.. I (23f) am 26 weeks pregnant with baby number 2, a boy. My sister, who we will call Sally(28f) is about 20 weeks pregnant with baby number 5, her first girl. I am a married, a stay at home mom, we are technically low income, but are comfortable and have savings etc..all this to say, we aren’t necessarily financially sound, but we dont go without any needs, or many wants.
My sister is going on 5 kids, has a track record of choosing awful men, makes very poor life and financial decisions, never has any money for anything.. and our family members have her kids in their care more than she does. Our family members also foot most of her bills, including previously providing money for diapers, formula, cars, gas money, etc.
My mother asks me if Sally had reached out to me yet. I said no, and asked why. My mom said that Sally is having a hard time, that her Boyfriend had run off again, she lost her job, needs a bigger car for the kids,and needs baby stuff as she has nothing for the upcoming baby. My mom told Sally to call me so I could pack up some of my daughters(2y) old baby items to give to her. I told my mom that I didn’t have much to give her, and reminded her that I am also expecting a baby. I told her I plan on sorting through our old newborn clothes to sell to the childs resale store to get credit back, so I can buy my upcoming son some clothes..As i really dont see the need in buying brand new baby clothes, and it would help us save some money this way. I mentioned that we were also reusing my infant seat from two years ago, as well as the crib, bottles, and just about anything else that I held onto..
My mother told me that I was selfish for not handing over any of our stuff because we “have the means to purchase our son new items, where Sally does not”. She tells me that “Sally isnt as fortunate as I am because She doesn’t have a good man in her life to provide for them, and she just needs a little help”
I told my mom that it is not my fault that Sally has made poor life decisions, nor is it my obligation to help her provide for the children she continues to have but cannot properly care for. I told her that I am not willing to continue to enable her poor decisions especially when It will affect MY family, but if the rest of the family wants to, then to go ahead.
My mom has since spoke with Sally and our grandmother and told them my responses.. I now have 3 very upset people hounding me, telling me how selfish and rude I am, and demanding that I help my sister out because “family helps family” I am now being told that If i am refusing to give her any of our old items, then I should atleast be willing to put forth an effort to buy or find her some items and clothes that she needs..
AITA here..?

Asgard 1827
The Trial of Asgard made national news in Valhalla . Brunhilde stood there in front of many gods, each vote determining her faith . Does she live or die ? Only odin can make that judgment. Heimdall opened a pamphlet speaking though his horn “ Brunhilde, eldest sister of the gods ! You stand accused of crimes against Humanity and Goding alike ! How do you plead ? “. Brunhilde rolled her eyes before speaking her mind . “How do I plead ? What crimes are you talking about ? I was making coffee before me and Randgriz were arrested on the spot “ she spoke out . “ Don't play dumb Brunhilde I saw you cast forbidden spells and illegal magic “ Odin told everyone. Despite the bold straight up lie hilde remained as calm as ever . Using magic and spells is more for Gondul and she is too smart to get caught. What did Odin really want and why is he dragging Randgriz of all demigods.“Nonsense ! My sister would never so such a ““SILENCE “ Odin shouted but Randgriz stood her ground ready to face death itself to protect Brunhilde. Meanwhile in another area. Loki used his blades to slice the doors open splitting them in half. Beelzebub was in the middle of an experiment his red eyes shooting at loki. “This better be good “ he whispered. “It is Brunhilde and Randgriz lives are a stake during the trial “ Loki spat out in a panicked state . “ Why should I care about some demigod's life when I don't even care about my own? “ Beel questioned. “It's because I know you hate Odin and would do anything to spite him how dare he label you as a freak when he is just as bad “ Loki answered “ Hurry we are running out of time ! “ . “What do you get out of this ? “ Beel stood up . “ I owe Brunhilde a favor “ A flashback of small Loki almost getting eaten by a giant snake until Brunhilde saved him by slicing it in half with a scythe
. “Be more careful child “ she turned around seeing the scared loki shiver .
The flash back ended with Brunhilde standing off to Odin . “Confess your crime or serve death “ A purple hue spear floated over him. “ I choose death, “ Brunhilde replied. “ Brun no ! “ Randgriz screamed buy it was too late . The spear launched at her body with such force blood she was pushed back to the wall. Brunhilde refused to give up despite all the pain seeping into her. “ This is the end of the road valkyrie…” Odin whispering. The last thing she saw was the gods demonic smile before everything faced to black.
“Is she alive ? “
“Wait “
“What if he killed her ? “
“Wait “
“ Is she dead ?”
“I will slap you “
“Yikes chill emo “
Brunhilde woke up in the lab with purple ,red and green eyes staring at her. “ What just happened…” Brunhilde felt a tight hug from Randgriz “ You are alive! “ Grizz cried out. “Yes …I am …” Brunhilde realized. “However at a price ….” Beel commented . “What did you do demon? “ Brunhilde hissed . “ Weird way of thanking someone for saving your life “ Beel brushed that comment off. The valkyrie gave him a weird look , “ Don't mention it I only did it to piss off Odin “ Beel shrugged. “Wait Mr Beel what “price “ are you talking about ? “ Grizz asked. “Oh well being a demigod you are more human then god now “ Loki jumped in stuttering at every word. “Meaning you can't fly , super strength and speed is gone, no more soul connection or anything that would make you a valkyrie “ Loki explained some more “ I had to do something to get Beel to save your life “. “ I'm not mad Loki “ Brunhilde took a deep breath “ This is just a sign that I need to leave asgard now …” Brunhilde stated . “I'm coming with you “ Randgriz sat next to her “ If I stay I'm dead Valkyrie walking “. “Plus it's no longer possible to survive here, however despite losing most of your powers there is still a place for you “ Beel mentioned “ Loki will take you “ . “Wait, what about our sisters ! “ Randgriz started to cry . Loki and Beelzebub looked at each other. “ We will figure that part out but remember if Odin catches wind they die too “ Loki pointed out . “Yes but faking our deaths still sounds horrible, “ Randgriz shook her head. “ Alright I'll do something you will see them again soon “ Beel told her “ Overall you both need to leave as soon as possible “ . “Follow me there is not much time “ Loki used his magic to make a portal . The scenery revealed a large Eiffel tower and people walking by . “ Once we step in there is no going back “ Randgriz shivered. “We don't have a choice “ Brunhilde stepped in holding Randgriz hand to help her . “Even if we never meet again Lord Loki, thank you for saving my life “ Brunhilde bowed down. “ No Brunhilde…thank you for saving mine “ Loki smiled, closing the portal. “So this is our new home “ Randgriz looked around seeing things that just aren't familiar anymore .
5 years later 1832
Late in the afternoon at the Salle Pleyel concert there was the sound of the piano . The fast paced music made everyone in the area cheer . The musician had blonde brown hair that passed his ears . He waved it back and forth like a rockstar smashing his keyboards so hard you would think he broke them. The crowd cheered his name “LISZT LISZT LISZT LISZT “ , fangirls jumped up and down going crazy over him . Brunhilde and Randgriz sat down in chairs watching the man go , “ His music is very rough and insane ..reminds me of home listening to vikings “ Brunhilde mentioned. “ I don't know who is making me more deaf the music or the annoying girls “ Randgriz covered her ears, “If it's too much for you then why did you bother coming? “ Brunhilde gave her a look. “ I don't wanna be alone “ Grizz admitted, “By the way ,..why are you wearing a suit “ Brunhilde wondered . “ The human women show too much window and well sister you don't show just the window the entire frame is gone leaving only thin fabric “ Randgriz gave her honest opinion. “ I don't need a lesson on modesty “ Brunhilde focused her attention on Liszt who kept playing . His piercing green eyes gave her a wink . “Was he winking at me ? “ Brunhilde turned to Randgriz. “Probably or at the other women fawning over him “ Grizz stated . “Yeah you're right “ Brunhilde relaxed some more “Not like I care he is a massive playboy breaking one heart after another I'm not going to fall for that plus I'm not a noble “. “You are right Hilde you aren't..you are a demigod , from our divine perspective human nobility is just fancy talk for commoner” Grizz whispered.
“ Randy shhhh we aren't in Valhalla anymore “ Brun reminded her , “ If looks could kill you would be a serial killer by now “ Randgriz laughed “ I mean I'm not wrong if an Archduke came to Valhalla and started bossing everyone he would be laughed at “. That comment made by a few folks behind her gave the sisters an irritated glare . “Shhh “ a man right next to Randgriz silenced her with his white glove .The concert ended leaving Liszt to step off the stage . He was quickly surrounded by fans causing Brunhilde to leave until she felt something hit her. Behind her was a red rose , she picked it up seeing the musician wave at her before being surrounded by more fans . “Come on Brunhilde let's go, I don't like parties “ Randgriz dragged her out towards the concert halls . “Oof I'm sorry “ she accidentally bumped into the same guy that sat next to him. He was a short guy with a big nose that spoke with a thick polish accident. “Sorry I'm looking for a man named Liszt “ he mentioned. “Down the hallway but you are going to have to wait in line “ Brunhilde pointed to the left before leaving . The man thanked her before walking in that direction, “He is very cute “ Randgriz thought. “Eh …okay let's go home “ she walked with Randgriz.
A few days later Brunhilde went back to the same concert alone this time to attend a mass . There she sat down reading the holy Bible while waiting for the preacher . “ Excuse me, is this seat taken? “ a familiar voice spoke to her . Brunhilde turned around, seeing the face once again. “Are you Franz Liszt ? “she asked while watching him sit down. “Yes “ Liszt confirmed sitting next to her “ Nice to meet you “ . “ Yeah I see ..” Brunhilde stuck her head back in the Bible. “Sorry if I was bothering you “ Liszt apologized getting ready to leave . “No you weren't, I just have a lot on my mind “ Brunhilde sighed. “Oh ..I hope the church can relax you ..lift those spirits up “ Liszt gave a warm smile. “Yeah” Brunhilde half smiled back , “So where are you from? I've never seen you around? “ he questioned. “Oh I'm from - “ Brunhilde tried to think of an answer. “Don't tell me your from heaven? “ Liszt answered "Wait how did you -”Brunhilde's face turned red from the blushing. “ “ Relax I was just kidding c Liszt chuckled . “Oh right …hahaha” Brunhilde joined the laughter

TLDR: Replace my total loss with a used car paying cash or take on a car payment and get a nearly new Alfa Romeo?
My last two cars were out of necessity and I was super lucky my impulse choices served me well for the past 15 years. I was in an accident and my 2008 Toyota with 175k miles on it- is a total loss. I still have my roadster convertible for summer so I can take my time choosing but it’s not a great daily driver and it won’t be enough once snow comes so I’m eager to find something else.
I live close to an Alfa dealer and they have several Alfa’s with less than 15k miles at reasonable prices. My research so far has me thinking a Stelvio with red interior would be a good fit. I have a good income with minimal debts so cost is restricted only by my own beliefs about depreciating assets.
The more I look the more I have no clue what to get. Only that stelvio has been a consistent choice when I am looking.
Factors:

• I have dogs that are transported frequently- would have seats covered.
• I snowboard so all wheel drive or front wheel with a manual transmission is needed to navigate snow. -I am a medical professional that takes call so safety and reliability are important. -ideally a long term keeper

I've been friends with V since the beginning of last year. At first, we were both very lonely at school, then we slowly got closer and became friends. Y was always around us from the beginning, but she wasn't a "close" friend. She was with another girl, who ended up leaving school. Then, she started going out with another girl and, for a while, with us, but then she always distanced herself. Since the end of last year, the three of us have gotten closer and started to be close friends. I was really happy to have both Y and V as my friends, but for the past two months, things have been weird. Like, it's obvious that V and I were really close since it was just me and her, but we included Y in everything. If we went to the bathroom, Y went with us. Y always takes a long time to finish eating, but we always wait. If Y doesn't want to go to the bathroom, we won't go because we don't want to leave her alone. She also has several health problems, so V and I always take care of her. Well, but then slowly I felt Y start to pull V towards her. That's what makes me think this:

• I sit behind V, while Y sits next to V, but now she almost never lets me sit there and when I do, she keeps asking me to switch seats with her.
• When V and I do something together (like simply writing each other's initials), Y says she's being excluded and wants to do it too, but Y just wants V's attention. I never seem to be her first choice.
• When we go out, Y always makes a point of staying in front with V, leaving me behind.
• When we have a class in pairs, Y always wants to be with V, making me have to look for someone else.
• Once, a colleague of ours said that "trios don't work," and Y responded like this: "Well, it's true. V and K (me) sometimes exclude me, and K sometimes pulls V towards her, but V likes me more, you know?" I was like, "What the hell?" She also said that I abandoned her and V to talk to another friend of mine, and I literally only talked to this girl when I left my books in the locker or when we met in the bathroom.

Well, you can see that it's obvious that Y likes V much more than me, which wouldn't be a problem if she weren't so clear about it. In fact, it's becoming obvious that Y doesn't even like me, and it's really hurting. She occasionally makes some mean comments or is rude to me, for example:

• Yesterday, we arrived at school at the same time and I was happy to see her, so I called her so we could go upstairs together. I thought Y hadn't heard me, and so I ran a little to catch up with her and said "Good morning~," to which she replied, "Nothing good," and then we didn't say anything else until we got to the room. I thought she was sad or in pain since her health is bad, but when we arrived in class Y immediately started talking with V.
• She sometimes makes comments about my weight that hurt me a lot. For example, when we are playing with something, Y says that I can "crumple" something, that only I would crush someone, etc.
• Today, we were eating and Y was talking to someone, and out of nowhere she said, "I tell K to stop being ugly and that doesn't mean she stops." Like FROM NOTHING, FROM NOTHING AT ALL. Y herself was surprised by what she said, and the girl she was talking to said, "What?"

Honestly, I don't know if this is all in my head, or if I'm being dramatic and overly sensitive or something. I just want this to end and for us to go back to being friends like we were before. I would like to tell them what I feel, but I'm afraid of not only losing Y's friendship, but also V's. I want to feel that I'm needed there, that my presence is appreciated, and that what I feel is valid. In fact, I think V has no idea what's going on between me and Y, so I'm afraid of saying so, and she'll abandon me completely to be with Y. My biggest fear is that if I stop being friends with Y, V will choose her over me.

Seven ravens go with Arianne Martell to be Doran's eyes and ears to Aegon and the Golden Company in the Stormlands. And while Arianne's journey progresses she will likely need to make a choice... will she send the word 'dragon' home in a letter, the coded word asking for Dorne to call their spears and join Aegon's cause? Or will the word be 'war'? (...in this case 'war' means 'wait')... I'll let you decide - I assume most people's minds are pretty set on this point, and mine own is not really standard canon, so I will only say the last raven seems an ill omened thing as the seventh of a set is often linked to The Stranger, Westeros' god of death.
The topic I hoped to brainstorm today is not actually about what Arianne decides... but rather what happens next. Because I notice with a lot of theories the assumption is that the Dornish houses waiting on Arianne's response will march in lockstep with whatever her and Doran's order is... but... will they? Some of the Dornish houses seem pretty independent-minded and I feel there's been some fairly significant foreshadowing emerging that Doran's hold over the the kingdom is only tentative at best. That's worth discussing... In particular three houses seem to repeatedly stand out as possibilities to challenge the peace regardless of the Martells' wishes: Houses Yronwood, Fowler, and Uller....

House Fowler 🪶

The Fowlers make their home at Skyreach, a castle with a lofty perch and soaring stone towers carved into the stone slopes of the Red Mountains overlooking the Prince's Pass, one of two major overland routes into Dorne, and the easier to traverse of the two (the other being the steep and treacherous Boneway). The House is led by Lord Franklyn Fowler 'the Old Hawk', who has two twin daughters - Jeyne and Jennelyn. What could cause House Fowler to rebel against the Martells?
Sign #1 - The Fowlers closeness with Lady Nym
Oberyn's death was a rallying cry for a lot of Dorne desiring vengeance against the Lannisters, and in particular the news greatly effected the Sand Snakes - Nymeria Sand is said to be 'famously' close with the Fowler twins, she was actually with them the moment she learned of Oberyn's death, and it follows they likely sympathize with her position. In fact when Lady Nym first pitches Doran her plan to assassinate key Lannisters in King's Landing she does so by pleading the Fowler house words to him: "You know the Fowler words? Let Me Soar! That is all I ask of you. Let me soar, Uncle. I need no mighty host, only one sweet sister." And Doran would later tell Arianne that Nym is 'too close to the Fowler twins' (and thus unable to keep secrets from them). I imagine the Fowlers did not take the news well when they learned of Nymeria's imprisonment afterwards...
Sign #2 - Arianne's plea to Lord Fowler
Then when Arianne Martell is imprisoned herself after her Queenmaker plot she attempts to send out a secret message with one of her attendants to plead for help to free her from her father's grasp. She considers different options to address this letter to, someone ideally receptive to the idea of rebelling against Doran (which is no small thing to ask!) but also powerful enough to do so. Her first thoughts drift to Yronwood, but decides against them only because they fostered Quentyn and she believes he and Anders are conspiring against her, then goes through a few of the houses of her friends before finally deciding "that she had but two real hopes: Harmen Uller, Lord of Hellholt, and Franklyn Fowler, Lord of Skyreach and Warden of the Prince's Pass."
She ultimately decides to pen the letter to Lord Fowler because she thinks the Ullers as half-mad to the point of having a dangerous response. After that the attendant Cedra is presumably caught by Doran's men as she never reappears and Areo tells us that she was sent to the Water Gardens. But even without the letter actually going out the fact that she chose Lord Fowler to send this plea to probably says a lot about their overall relationship with Doran.
Sign #3 - A Toast to Tommen
In the Watcher chapter during the presentation of The Mountain's skull a toast to Tommen is made, and those who choose to drink or to refuse it give us another indication of the sentiments around Dorne... this is not subtly implied as much as it is directly pointed out by Areo:

The white knight did drink, as was only courteous. His companions likewise. So did the Princess Arianne, Lady Jordayne, the Lord of Godsgrace, the Knight of Lemonwood, the Lady of Ghost Hill … even Ellaria Sand, Prince Oberyn's beloved paramour, who had been with him in King's Landing when he died. Hotah paid more note to those who did not drink: Ser Daemon Sand, Lord Tremond Gargalen, the Fowler twins, Dagos Manwoody, the Ullers of the Hellholt, the Wyls of the Boneway. If there is trouble, it could start with one of them. Dorne was an angry and divided land, and Prince Doran's hold on it was not as firm as it might be. Many of his own lords thought him weak and would have welcomed open war with the Lannisters and the boy king on the Iron Throne.

Again the Fowler twins and Ullers show us that they still hold a lot of resentment. Daemon Sand makes sense too - he was part of Oberyn's retinue in King's Landing (sometimes rumored to have had a relationship with him) and watched him die, and after the Sand Snakes were imprisoned he went to Sunspear to demand their release and was imprisoned himself for the trouble. I'd keep an eye on him in Arianne's plot.
The Yronwoods weren't in attendance for the toast, however the Wyls were and refused it - I get the sense they are pretty close with the Yronwoods, both of which have their houses on the Boneway where they've joined forces. Another party that refused the toast, the Manwoodys, are stationed in the Prince's Pass and likely close allies with the Fowlers - lending more weight to the idea that this area is rebellious. House Gargelene is the one that's most difficult to place, being located in a fairly isolated spot in the south of Dorne at Salt Shore.
Sign #4 - The Troops in the Passes
By Arianne's TWOW excerpts we also hear that the troops in the Prince's Pass and the Boneway are becoming restless:

In the Boneway and the Prince’s Pass, two Dornish hosts had massed, and there they sat, sharpening their spears, polishing their armor, dicing, drinking, quarreling, their numbers dwindling by the day, waiting, waiting, waiting for the Prince of Dorne to loose them on the enemies of House Martell.

Darkstar's Plot
So how might the Fowlers act out? Outside of Arianne's raven being sent (and depending on the result), I think we should be keeping an eye on the Darkstar plot. Darkstar, per his own words and actions, seems to want to start a war against the crown and has presumably fled back to his home of High Hermitage in the Red Mountains where its implied he has support. He will probably pass by Starfall on the way up the Torrentine's rushing waters, but the Prince's Pass and Skyreach are both not that far from his location and in fitting with the prior indications of the Fowlers' intentions and Darkstar's overall goals he may try to incite the already anxious troops there to raid the Dornish Marches. These houses have a long history of animosity towards the Reach and Marcher Lords whose defenses will be exposed with Euron's attacks. Such an assault could parallel prior rogue leaders the Vulture Kings.

House Uller 🏜️

We've already seen that the Ullers play out somewhat similarly to the Fowlers - they were one of the major considerations for Arianne to send her plea for help to, and they were one of the parties notably refusing Tommen's toast. Lord Harmen Uller is the current Lord of the Hellholt, "a grim, stinking seat beside the sulfurous yellow waters of the Brimstone" located near the deep sands in the centesouth of Dorne.
There is a saying in Dorne we are told: 'half the Ullers are 'half-mad and the other half are worse.' And as Ellaria Sand is Lord Harmen's natural daughter when she and her little ones (Elia, Obella, Dorea, and Loreza) were locked away with the rest of the Sand Snakes Arianne thinks this would 'have made Lord Harmen wroth, and the Ullers were dangerous when wroth.' Its worth noting that in Arianne's Queenmaker plot her end goal was to get to Hellholt to officially crown Myrcella and raise her banners there...
What's interesting about Uller is that while they have a lot of reason to rebel there is at least one pacifying force headed their way - Ellaria Sand (who is also bringing Loreza with her). Ellaria sand accepted the toast to Tommen and despite having been Oberyn's paramour and closer to him than anyone as well as being there for his death, she is actually one of the strongest voices arguing for peace.

"A start?" said Ellaria Sand, incredulous. "Gods forbid. I would it were a finish. Tywin Lannister is dead. So are Robert Baratheon, Amory Lorch, and now Gregor Clegane, all those who had a hand in murdering Elia and her children. Even Joffrey, who was not yet born when Elia died. I saw the boy perish with mine own eyes, clawing at his throat as he tried to draw a breath. Who else is there to kill? Do Myrcella and Tommen need to die so the shades of Rhaenys and Aegon can be at rest? Where does it end?"

A Hidden Hellholt Chapter?
Given the Hellholts relative isolation you might be thinking how this could factor further into the plot.... maybe some news of Ellaria's daughters? Or later on if there is an invading force (as Ellaria and Doran fear is coming)? But I've actually been thinking that before Areo Hotah shows up in the Red Mountains we may get to see a chapter with him and Obara and Balon Swann at the Hellholt with Ellaria and Lord Harmen Uller, it would be rewarding to catch up with these characters and see their clashing perspectives on vengeance and Areo on the trail of Darkstar. Per some recent analysis of GRRM's chapter hints we can also kind of conclude there may be a few Areo chapters in varying locations. Another interesting thing pointing me in that direction is the soon to be released 2025 calendar which will be featuring artwork of the Hellholt... that's a strange inclusion for a castle with few mentions (the most relevant of which being Rhaenys' mysterious death long ago), and a lot of the other locations on the calendar do suspiciously have relevant plots nearing them in Winds (so if we haven't seen them already we may do so soon).
The logistics work out pretty well as Hellholt is practically a necessary stop on the way westward to the Red Mountains by land. Even though Arianne herself knows the desert well....

Beyond Vaith the deep sands waited. They would need help from Sandstone and the Hellholt to make that crossing, but she did not doubt that it would be forthcoming.

...Even she fears to tread the deep sands alone... and for Obara it may be the same despite her experience. You really should have a desert guide to locate water sources and navigate the terrain ("In the deep sands a man must hoard his water."). And one of the last safe stops for water and guides is the Hellholt making it invaluable for travelers crossing the sands. The sandstorms seem especially dangerous:

[...]beyond Vaith, western Dorne is naught but a vast sea of restless dunes where the sun beats down relentlessly, giving rise from time to time to savage sandstorms that can strip the flesh from a man's bones within minutes.

House Yronwood ⛓️

The Yronwoods are Dorne's second strongest house and their seat is located up in the high meadows of the Red Mountains near the Boneway where the air is always crisp and cool after dark, no matter how hot the day had been. Anders Yronwood, the Bloodroyal, is the leader here.
Even though previously we've seen a few signs that the Yronwoods may rebel given their brief consideration for Arianne's letter for help, and the Wyls' refusal of Tommen's toast, the biggest reason for them to strike out on their own might be their uniquely fractious relationship with the Martells (they also have a long rivalry with the Fowlers). In fact, we were told Yronwood was only just recently on the verge of rebellion after Oberyn allegedly poisoned Lord Edgar Yronwood in a duel after he was found abed with Edgar's paramour, and it was only Doran's quick thinking that avoided it.

Blood feud and rebellion would surely have followed Lord Edgar's death, had not her father acted at once. The Red Viper went to Oldtown, thence across to the narrow sea to Lys, though none dared call it exile. And in due time, Quentyn was given to Lord Anders to foster as a sign of trust. That helped to heal the breach between Sunspear and the Yronwoods, but it had opened new ones between Quentyn and the Sand Snakes...

Quentyn Aftermath & The Blackfyres
And the biggest thing that may reopen that wound is, not surprisingly, news of Quentyn's voyage. Anders Yronwood has lost two sons on what could be seen as a pretty foolish attempt to court Daenerys including his son and heir Cletus Yronwood, who was sent along on the voyage and died from a corsair attack off the coast of the Disputed Lands. The other son? Quentyn Martell himself.... despite him being a Martell, he is really more Yronwood at heart. He grew up in Yronwood with Anders, his best friend was Cletus, he became smitten with his eldest daughter Ynys (who is now heir to Yronwood), and then later fell in love with Gwyneth, the youngest daughter of Anders.... All of Quentyn's memories are with the Yronwood really and Arianne even notes he is somewhat a stranger to her and Sunspear. Doran himself is forced to admit that "Anders Yronwood has been more a father to him than I have".
Anders hasn't heard anything yet from Meereen, information moves slowly in Essos (which has no messenger ravens so it needs to be carried by hand) and most of the people who can pass on that message, like Arch and Drink, are still caught up in the Battle of Fire (and hoping that the Tattered Prince will be merciful to them for their previous desertion). Any news that might get back could end up with a distorted and unflattering picture of Daenerys too (and some of that fallout may carryover to Aegon who seeks to ally with her).
But even before it does the troops commanded by the Yronwoods in the Boneway are conveniently close to the events happening in the Stormlands with the Golden Company. And the Yronwoods have been suspiciously consistent partners of the Golden Company and Blackfyres in the past (which often drew in second houses with a lot to gain), which is all the more interesting given the rumors around Aegon ("Lords of Yronwood rode for the black dragon in no less than three of the five Blackfyre Rebellions.") So if Arianne seeks to side with Aegon and JonCon the Yronwoods might be the first to throw in with that cause... especially if its also a way to oppose Mace Tyrell given his hatred of all things Dorne. However, it might also be interesting if she takes after her father's advice to be cautious and tries to hold back her forces, leading to the Yronwoods ignorning her and Doran's commands and striking out on their own anyways. And it will be interesting how these events may combine with the x-factor of news of Quentyn and Cletus arriving at some point (whatever the timing of that might be in relation to the Battle of Steel).

So what do you think of Houses Fowler, Uller, and Yronwood... will we see them act out in Winds or play loyal bannermen to Doran?
~Thank you for Reading!~
TLDR This post explores the ample foreshadowing that Houses Fowler, Uller, and Yronwood may be unreliable allies of Doran when pressed, and their reaction may not follow what we'd expect when Arianne sends out her last raven either calling Dorne's spears to side with the Golden Company or holding off and keeping to the passes (taking after her father's more prudent advice). Could the Fowlers join with Darkstar and raid the Dornish Marches? Will we have a chapter at the Hellholt before Areo's party travels the deep sands where we see Lord Harmen Uller's rebellious nature collide with Ellaria Sand's attempts at peace? And will the Yronwood troops in the Boneway join their historic allies in the Golden Company, or have a divisive reaction to news of Quentyn and Cletus' deaths?

I've been friends with V since the beginning of last year. At first, we were both very lonely at school, then we slowly got closer and became friends. Y was always around us from the beginning, but she wasn't a "close" friend. She was with another girl, who ended up leaving school. Then, she started going out with another girl and, for a while, with us, but then she always distanced herself. Since the end of last year, the three of us have gotten closer and started to be close friends. I was really happy to have both Y and V as my friends, but for the past two months, things have been weird. Like, it's obvious that V and I were really close since it was just me and her, but we included Y in everything. If we went to the bathroom, Y went with us. Y always takes a long time to finish eating, but we always wait. If Y doesn't want to go to the bathroom, we won't go because we don't want to leave her alone. She also has several health problems, so V and I always take care of her. Well, but then slowly I felt Y start to pull V towards her. That's what makes me think this:

• I sit behind V, while Y sits next to V, but now she almost never lets me sit there and when I do, she keeps asking me to switch seats with her.
• When V and I do something together (like simply writing each other's initials), Y says she's being excluded and wants to do it too, but Y just wants V's attention. I never seem to be her first choice.
• When we go out, Y always makes a point of staying in front with V, leaving me behind.
• When we have a class in pairs, Y always wants to be with V, making me have to look for someone else.
• Once, a colleague of ours said that "trios don't work," and Y responded like this: "Well, it's true. V and K (me) sometimes exclude me, and K sometimes pulls V towards her, but V likes me more, you know?" I was like, "What the hell?" She also said that I abandoned her and V to talk to another friend of mine, and I literally only talked to this girl when I left my books in the locker or when we met in the bathroom.

Well, you can see that it's obvious that Y likes V much more than me, which wouldn't be a problem if she weren't so clear about it. In fact, it's becoming obvious that Y doesn't even like me, and it's really hurting. She occasionally makes some mean comments or is rude to me, for example:

• Yesterday, we arrived at school at the same time and I was happy to see her, so I called her so we could go upstairs together. I thought Y hadn't heard me, and so I ran a little to catch up with her and said "Good morning~," to which she replied, "Nothing good," and then we didn't say anything else until we got to the room. I thought she was sad or in pain since her health is bad, but when we arrived in class Y immediately started talking with V.
• She sometimes makes comments about my weight that hurt me a lot. For example, when we are playing with something, Y says that I can "crumple" something, that only I would crush someone, etc.
• Today, we were eating and Y was talking to someone, and out of nowhere she said, "I tell K to stop being ugly and that doesn't mean she stops." Like FROM NOTHING, FROM NOTHING AT ALL. Y herself was surprised by what she said, and the girl she was talking to said, "What?"

Honestly, I don't know if this is all in my head, or if I'm being dramatic and overly sensitive or something. I just want this to end and for us to go back to being friends like we were before. I would like to tell them what I feel, but I'm afraid of not only losing Y's friendship, but also V's. I want to feel that I'm needed there, that my presence is appreciated, and that what I feel is valid. In fact, I think V is totally oblivious to what's going on between Y and me, so I'm afraid of saying so, and she'll abandon me completely to be with Y. My biggest fear is that if I stop being friends with Y, V will choose her over me.

I've been friends with V since the beginning of last year. At first, we were both very lonely at school, then we slowly got closer and became friends. Y was always around us from the beginning, but she wasn't a "close" friend. She was with another girl, who ended up leaving school. Then, she started going out with another girl and, for a while, with us, but then she always distanced herself. Since the end of last year, the three of us have gotten closer and started to be close friends. I was really happy to have both Y and V as my friends, but for the past two months, things have been weird. Like, it's obvious that V and I were really close since it was just me and her, but we included Y in everything. If we went to the bathroom, Y went with us. Y always takes a long time to finish eating, but we always wait. If Y doesn't want to go to the bathroom, we won't go because we don't want to leave her alone. She also has several health problems, so V and I always take care of her. Well, but then slowly I felt Y start to pull V towards her. That's what makes me think this:

• I sit behind V, while Y sits next to V, but now she almost never lets me sit there and when I do, she keeps asking me to switch seats with her.
• When V and I do something together (like simply writing each other's initials), Y says she's being excluded and wants to do it too, but Y just wants V's attention. I never seem to be her first choice.
• When we go out, Y always makes a point of staying in front with V, leaving me behind.
• When we have a class in pairs, Y always wants to be with V, making me have to look for someone else.
• Once, a colleague of ours said that "trios don't work," and Y responded like this: "Well, it's true. V and K (me) sometimes exclude me, and K sometimes pulls V towards her, but V likes me more, you know?" I was like, "What the hell?" She also said that I abandoned her and V to talk to another friend of mine, and I literally only talked to this girl when I left my books in the locker or when we met in the bathroom.

Well, you can see that it's obvious that Y likes V much more than me, which wouldn't be a problem if she weren't so clear about it. In fact, it's becoming obvious that Y doesn't even like me, and it's really hurting. She occasionally makes some mean comments or is rude to me, for example:

• Yesterday, we arrived at school at the same time and I was happy to see her, so I called her so we could go upstairs together. I thought Y hadn't heard me, and so I ran a little to catch up with her and said "Good morning~," to which she replied, "Nothing good," and then we didn't say anything else until we got to the room. I thought she was sad or in pain since her health is bad, but when we arrived in class Y immediately started talking with V.
• She sometimes makes comments about my weight that hurt me a lot. For example, when we are playing with something, Y says that I can "crumple" something, that only I would crush someone, etc.
• Today, we were eating and Y was talking to someone, and out of nowhere she said, "I tell K to stop being ugly and that doesn't mean she stops." Like FROM NOTHING, FROM NOTHING AT ALL. Y herself was surprised by what she said, and the girl she was talking to said, "What?"

Honestly, I don't know if this is all in my head, or if I'm being dramatic and overly sensitive or something. I just want this to end and for us to go back to being friends like we were before. I would like to tell them what I feel, but I'm afraid of not only losing Y's friendship, but also V's. I want to feel that I'm needed there, that my presence is appreciated, and that what I feel is valid. In fact, I think V has no idea what's going on between me and Y, so I'm afraid of saying so, and she'll abandon me completely to be with Y. My biggest fear is that if I stop being friends with Y, V will choose her over me.

Here's the basics. Put a FOB that acts similar to base camp on the opposite corner of the map from a factions base. For LRI this'd be between Fort Narith and YBL, for Crimson, between Ban Pa and Tiger Bay, for Mithras, between Hunter's Paradise and Midnight Sapphire.
The camp FOB should have 2 landing pads. First functions exactly as the others in the game. The second could be for a larger heli that could transport only from FOB to BC. 5 minutes between landing and next take off with a timer on the map so you know when its leaving. This bigger heli should seat maybe 8-10 and please let us close the damn door. Real party bus vibes.
As for balancing (i doubt the devs would want you living there) maybe your can only access your stash, no vendors or tasks, but you can choose to respawn there if you die. I think location wise it's pretty balanced for all factions, each is near a mid game and end game poi. Maybe the FOB could be less staffed than base camp so PvP could be more common (i dont play PvP idk what they want)
How would this help heli times? Simple. It cuts down the number of double digit minute flights players are taking, freeing up choppers faster. Plus it has the added bonus of (if youre a psycho like me) allowing you to walk to the poi without taking actual hours
Any opinions or additions to the idea? I think it'd work with what the game already has in. Only new asset REQUIRED would be a bigger heli. Maybe i'm crazy but i think this could seriously help for not a game changing amount of effort.

So basically, he came to the school from across the state halfway through the year. We got along really really well and talked all the time as he got acclimated to the school (I had a very awkward introduction because the introduction did not happen naturally but I saw him and went.. we'll get along great.) And whenever we had to choose partners for big projects we went for eachother and he even said he felt the same when I told him, 'I feel like your the only one here who would wanna spend time with me'. (We first got partnered up with some big math project and he spent the entire time trying to flex how good he was at it, he was cute and very obviously nervous, but he was really good at math.) He also basically laughed at everything I said, more than I've seen him do with any of his friends now ever. Half way through that particular project, eh got really mad at me and annoyed at everything and avoided me as much as possible (I am absolutely awful at figuring out why people are upset, probably autistic honestly, so I figured it was my fault. I asked him what I could do to make him not upset because I didn't want him to be unhappy, and he just said 'nothing' and turned it into some weird 'dominance' thing which is totally out of character for him. (again, never seen him act that way again from the rest of this year. He is a bit of an outcast and kids make fun of him behind his back. I've seen him run from a few fights/kids trying to beat him up, admirable. he had this little motto that he kept saying after I told him it was very true which was, "Save your face, not your dignity" Whenever kids tried to fight.) I also may have been a little hostile with him because of this too (I didn't have a crush on him at this time and before.) And expressed some annoyance at having to work with him while he was so grumpy. After that, we talked rarely, and he even started making a few snide remarks (Just like, childish rude, not anything that was that bad) I did get seated next to him, ma have been when this crush started, and he would always try to avoid talking to me and leave his desk any chance, but he did always talk to the other girl he was next to, I'll call her M. Now, I see him trying to talk to M all the time and trying to impress her in a similar way (admittedly, he's half-assing it. As much as I think he doesn't like me back, I have to admit his trying to impress me and laughing at my every word for a while has not been matched so far.) She will like, half pay attention to him. There's also this other girl that he always steals her stuff jokingly like standard dumb teenager flirting, but that girl I do believe likes girls anyway. They started growing a bit closer and started doing projects together, but like I've said multiple times, doesn't have the same enthusiasm exactly. I stare at him, and it's very often that we'll meet eyes, but I'm no pussy so I just stare back. If I see him looking at me, he'll nervously look away, unlike if he sees me looking at him. Now I jest stalk his very far few between social media (mostly spotify, his songs are very.. him. He actually made me like Green day, Blink 182, and My chemical Romance. (He would always rant to me very proudly about what bands he listens to, and I think he accidently made a public playlist.) And a lot of the songs are about being nervous when you like someone, and he doesn't seem nervous like he was around me, and still is, but now it smore avoidant nervous. All that ranting, but basically, what the fuck do I do please help I am socially impaired LMAO. (Mini rant he was crying today and his own FRIENDS didn't comfort him, nor did M or the other girl, even though they were right next to him they just ignored his crying and me and this one other boy (the only one of his friends that showed any concern) were the only ones there for him, but he rejects every effort I make to talk to him.. still. He's just like me, and started crying because some other student were accusing him of calling some girl something ableist, even though he didn't. I would do the exact same thing, we're both emotional as hell in every sense. His tears are the most crushing thing, though.)

I wanted to give back a bit after receiving some great information from folks on this sub before a (very short notice and sparsely planned) solo trip to Panama in late April/early May of 2024. I'm subtitling this post "I did a lot in Panama so you don't (necessarily) have to". Truth be told, I started the trip with 4 nights and one in-country flight booked and built the rest of my itinerary on the fly. I definitely could have used an extra week or so before the trip to do some itinerary planning, deeper research on where I chose to stay, etc. but I really enjoyed most of the trip and would absolutely recommend Panama as a solo trip destination.
Rough pre-departure itinerary:

• Panama City: Arrive at about 2 PM on a Thursday, stay three nights at Selina Casco Viejo, depart at 8 AM on Sunday via plane to David (Copa Airlines)
• Boquete: Arrive at about noon Sunday (after transit to town from airport), stay two nights at the Bambuda Castle
• Bocas for unknown amount of time/other stuff in the west off the country
• Return to Panama City from David via plane (Copa) Sunday Morning
• Return to USA on a redeye flight Tuesday night

I arrived in Panama City on time and took an Uber straight to Selina (cost $28). The Selina there is in a decent location, kind of on the edge of Casco Viejo but walkable to everything. I checked in and was told there was a welcome happy hour with a free drink and a free walking tour every day at 10. The 6-person dorm had a dedicated bathroom, but wasn't much for the price ($30/night) and I'm just now realizing I booked a 4-person dorm then was put in the wrong lodging... There is a bar and allegedly a pool on the roof of the property, but the pool was not open when I was there. The welcome drink was an underwhelming event, though I did meet a few cool people I ended up doing more with later. There really isn't much in the way of common space at Selina Casco Viejo and I found it to be overpriced, underwhelming, and not a great place to meet people. I ended up booking the canal tour ($60ish) with them (which was via the personal vehicle of the guide, a small sedan cramming 4 of us in plus the driver), but I did a different free walking tour after hearing poor reviews of the one provided by Selina. While Selina felt like a huge waste (would not recommend this location), I really liked Casco Viejo. The food was surprisingly good, especially ceviche at Marea https://maps.app.goo.gl/MdWBJ1uw4mWLB7r2A and a nice stop for middle eastern at Estambul Casco https://maps.app.goo.gl/qFq8wAm5NEzJw84F8 . I also made a quick stop with some people from the hostel at La Fabrica https://maps.app.goo.gl/WdAG1KAhwmkj1TbS8 which had a decent tap list and cool vibe and the Pedro Mandinga Rum bar (highly recommend) for some beers and a rum flight https://maps.app.goo.gl/seXCnetthN18BbUB9 . I also, as a cigar smoker, made a stop at the official La Casa del Habano store https://maps.app.goo.gl/uhswvnFPe1Y1Uzbu9 where the staff was chill and the cigarum selection was good. I finished out my cigar and partook in a bit of happy hour across the street at Finca del Mar which had a decent outdoor area for a drink https://maps.app.goo.gl/kPSiTHdd2mJmtakGA but the food was not recommended so I didn't try it.
I was up early to get to David on Sunday morning, so I figured I'd just grab food and coffee at the airport lounge (mistake). It turns out the Copa flight to David departs from the "domestic" gate, which is a standalone area on the ground floor of the airport. There are no amenities, just a single vending machine, and you get bussed to the plane. Do not go early for a David flight, security was very easy and I ended up waiting in the small seating area for way too long. The flight was fine, but don't expect to access a lounge or coffee shop after security.
I got to David pretty early and hadn't done my research on transit, but knew there was public bus service to Boquete. I was trying to figure out how to get to the bus terminal when a taxi offered to drive me all the way to Boquete for $40 which seemed like a decent deal so I went for it. Boquete is pretty small, a little mountain town with a relaxed vibe. I spent quite a bit of time at the brewery which, if you know craft beer pretty well, wasn't the best on beer quality but had good live music and a fun atmosphere https://maps.app.goo.gl/EJFiRiwQsbJ89UPa9 . I worked from here a little bit too, definitely where I spent the most time. I got a delicious dinner at RetroGusto which was really reasonable https://maps.app.goo.gl/8gcU1GHqXrfbTCoX9 and a good lunch at Donde Giselle which was a little more expensive, but also delicious https://maps.app.goo.gl/uNsz1EqCDfnSpYfk8 . I did a coffee finca tour through Bambuda ($35) at Don Pepe. It was pretty cool, not a lot of walking but the guide was knowledgeable and we got to see the full operation in a small footprint. I bought one bag and was happy I did, they were 3 times the price in the airport on the way home. The Tres Cascadas (three waterfall) trail was a must, it does have a steep section that has ropes affixed to help but was otherwise a pretty straightforward trail. It did cost a few dollars to hike as it's on private property. I took a taxi there ($20) but took the bus back ($2.25). The bus comes by every 30-40 minutes and they generally wait a bit at the entrance to the trail from the road to see if people come down. We did end up picking up a whole bunch of kids leaving school, but it was pretty funny and we managed to fit everyone. I did do the Volcan Baru hike, which cost $18 for a taxi to the trailhead but was otherwise free. It is a grueling hike, it took a little over 5 hours for me to get to the top and I was not having fun. I was very lucky to encounter a couple who was dropped off at the same time at the trailhead and, while we did not hike together, we did take a few breaks together and it was nice to be within sight of their headlamps. It was COLD at the top and I was happy I had a light down jacket and a fleece. I did a good job of timing up my climb with the sunrise, only needing to wait at the top for maybe 30 minutes before the sun came up. You can go up in a jeep, and I was very lucky to beat the offroad vehicles up as they were very loud coming up the mountain. It did get pretty crowded at the top by the time all of the jeeps had emptied out and their clients climbed the last bit to the summit. The view was phenomenal, you can see both the Caribbean and the Pacific on a clear day and the sunrise was beautiful. It was a little annoying that the 6 of us who climbed it had to share with the 25 or so who rode up in cars, but worth it. One spot I wish I had visited, but it just didn't work out, was a wood fire pizza spot that came recommended by our coffee guide and by several travelers https://maps.app.goo.gl/T93KKqHxXoQ7AFhf6 . I got lucky at the Bambuda Castle as I booked a 3 bed room but had it to myself. It had a nice restaurant and common space within the castle itself that was a good working space and had a fantastic view. The food was pretty good, with a few vegetarian options and smoothies. It's a pretty decent walk from the center of town, and about $4-5 taxi ride from the Boquete center. If I went again, I would probably look to stay somewhere in the center of town but I don't regret giving the Castle a shot.
I traveled out of Boquete to Bocas del Toro the same day I did the Baru hike, leaving via shuttle at 1 PM ($37) which I arranged through Bambuda. I ended up using a discount QR code at Bambuda Castle to book their Bocas town Hostel for three nights. The shuttle was fine, but it's a quick trip through winding mountain roads so be prepared if you get carsick. A big bonus, that I would recommend you ask about, was that this shuttle did not go all the way to Almirante, but instead stopped at Chiriqui Grande and proceeded via small boat (lancha) from there. The longer boat trip was fantastic, much better than the long/boring road which runs the rest of the way. I got stopped right off the boat in by several people trying to sell tours and got one person's number for a potential $35 Cayo Zapatilla tour but didn't commit, choosing to get to Bambuda Bocas Town first and settle in before making decisions. While I wish I had spent some more time at either red frog beach or another island, with only 3 nights and having booked late my options were limited. For Bocas Town, Bambuda was great. The front desk folks were pretty helpful and the restaurant was good for breakfast (the vegetarian burrito option is better than the sandwich). The hostel deck goes right out to the lagoon, and it's always busy with people hanging out in the sun or jumping into the lagoon. It was a great spot to do some work over coffee and, frankly, I wish I had spent more time here or at the Bambuda Lodge. I ended up doing the Caya Zapatilla tour (highly recommend, if only for the stop at Caya Zapatilla) for $35 with the operator I met right off the boat. This included pick up and drop off from Bambuda, and they had a cooler that I threw a few Balboas of my own in for the trip. We did stop mid-way for lunch which was not included and was a little expensive. This was the only actual tour I did during my time there, I spent my other full day just kind of hanging out and went to Starfish Beach (not as nice as Caya Zapatilla, but worth an afternoon) with a group from the hostel. I also did salsa night at Selina (fun, but a bad instructor) and karaoke at Aqua Lounge (get there in time to get a round of the happy hour special, the screen is behind the stage so not ideal for karaoke but it's easy to get on the list). I did not do Filthy Friday, I ended up departing Bocas that day but I would have been on the fence about it anyway. I guess it's a "when in Bocas" thing, so I probably would have gone for it. I really wish I had spent another night in Bocas, I regretted not having another day out there as soon as I left. It turned out to be the best place on my trip to meet people, it's definitely a general party vibe, and actually the best place to get work done of the hostels I stayed at. I did dinner at Pier 19 which was pretty nice, if not a little expensive and probably not a good solo traveler vibe https://maps.app.goo.gl/6vJG1rdUPCqEf9W3A . I did brunch one day away from Bambuda at Casa Papaya, their typical Panamanian breakfast and it was a great deal/meal https://maps.app.goo.gl/9CPFCxu6woWwKuwM7 . I did hear from some people that the bird island was a fun tour, and worth the day/cost. I did some bonus late night, unofficial stuff like swimming after midnight at Selina and an impromptu midnight trip out to see the bioluminescence and the stars with a random lancha taxi from the Selina dock. Not sure how I'd direct someone to arrange that, but say yes if it's an option.
I took off from Bocas via shuttle for the Lost and Found Hostel on Friday around noon ($20) which I arranged at the main lancha dock. This shuttle did not include a boat all the way to Chiriqui Grande, it was the short boat with the long road segment. A few people did get car sick during the first leg of the trip, the road is in pretty rough shape so lots of speeding up, slowing down, and swerving potholes. Lost and Found really caught my eye because of how much I enjoyed Secret Garden Cotopaxi in Ecuador. In the end, it didn't live up to that lofty expectation and I should not have squeezed it in. The allure is that it's isolated in the jungle, you have to walk about 15 minutes up the trail from the road to reach the hostel property. There are several buildings, with one primary common area with a few tables and hammocks. A big downside is that everything is outdoors, under cover of roofs but open still, which wasn't ideal in the evening during the season I went where it rained in the afternoons. There is a community kitchen if you bring your own food along, or there is an option to get breakfast/lunch/dinner from the hostel. I had a few meals there: the smoothie bowl was good, the lentil curry was a little on the salty side. The hiking is pretty cool and I ended up going up over the mountain to the big tree, the lookout, and the river. I didn't bring water, but definitely should have brought a liter along. In the end, with only about half a dozen other people staying there and 2/3 of the staff being pretty insular and not really socializing with the guests, it just wasn't a great addition to my trip. It might be a better option for a group or during a different season, but it provided a logistical challenge to make my flight back from David to Panama City and it wasn't really worth the risk of making it work, so I hired a car ($30) to take me to David and just ate the price of my second night at Lost and Found. It was beautiful, but it just wasn't on the same level as Secret Garden Cotopaxi which inspired me to give this a shot. I think, all in, my stop at Lost and Found cost me about $76.
The combination of having scheduled a flight on election day (oops) and the lack of help from lost and found staff meant that my best bet was a night in David. I used Hilton points to book a night at the Hampton and had myself a recovery night. I got a hot and ready pizza from the Little Caesar's next door and two Sam Adam's Boston Lagers from the bar. Fantastic recovery night, vey nice Hampton, and a pretty nice little breakfast. It refreshed me at a point where I was not really enjoying the trip and pushed me to go for one more stop rather than laying low in Panama City.
After my flight back to Panama City, I took the metro all the way to the Avenida Terminal (less than $1 total, it is very easy to purchase a card and load it at the station) to grab the bus to Valle de Anton. It was fairly easy to find the window to buy the bus ticket ($4.25). It's important to buy for El Valle and not just Anton, a town which is not where you want to end up. There was a confusing bit of business related to a transit card (not the same transit card as the metro. I couldn't seem to find a machine to buy one from, and eventually the guy at the turnstile took pity and just used his own to let me in. I paid him back, but it was very confusing that you needed to buy the ticket then a card with which to pay an additional 10 cents to get to the bus at Gate 53. I can't really offer advice other than you should try to figure out how to get this card, or if you can just pay with a dime, right when you buy your ticket. I let the bus (not a very big bus, somewhere between a van and a bus) driver know where I was headed on the way and they dropped me right at Bohdi in Valle de Anton. The whole trip is about 3 hours, with lots of local stops the whole way. Bohdi was a pretty cool spot, with a great yoga space with a guided lesson on a TV every morning. It has a kitchen if you want to cook for yourself and free coffee plus breakfast every day from 7:30-10:00. Both breakfasts were pancakes, but it was free and they were pretty good. There are some cool lounge spots out back, a few cafe tables out front, and a loft space as well. It was a decent, but not perfect spot, to do work if that's what you're looking for. The dorm does have 3 levels of beds, and they aren't all that comfy, but I'd recommend Bohdi. The first night I was in town I went to the Golden Frog Inn on a recommendation and it turned out to be a great spot to watch the sunset and have some pretty good (although a small) vegetarian tacos https://maps.app.goo.gl/pzRuyYuwHZvMVnAo8 . One afternoon I chose to do the India Dormida hike, I left and walked all the way back to Bohdi, it was a few hours total. It's a quick climb up to the top and you can walk the whole ridge that forms the edge of the caldera. It was a beautiful view and you can really see the old crater rim formations from the top. It's clear up there, no trees and wide open, and the breeze was very refreshing. I ended up coming down about halfway across the ridge, starting from the north. I grabbed a vegetarian dinner at El Rincon Colombiano which I'd recommend https://maps.app.goo.gl/tRcAAnAm9fYni7Nv8 and some guacamole and a beer at La Ranita which was pretty good https://maps.app.goo.gl/BcdB8uCqaSRv1RyE8 . Overall, I really liked Valle de Anton and I'm happy I made it happen. It's a little drier and warmer than Boquete, with a lot less coffee influence, but I liked the vibe and wish I had done more hiking around the area.
For my last evening in Panama, I grabbed a room just to have a place to put bags and clean up before my flight at Hotel Caracas, a recommendation from someone I met in my first stop in Casco Viejo. I did not plan to work from here, nor did I spend a night, but for $35 it was a perfect spot to leave things as I went to knock out a few more items before my flight home. I popped into Tantalo for a quick bite to eat https://maps.app.goo.gl/9pA9Dmw8AE9doabT7 which I don't know if I'd recommend for food, but the view was good. I think I meant to go to CasaCasco, which was recommended for ceviche and sushi, but ended up in the wrong spot. I then went over to Element to get some cocktails https://maps.app.goo.gl/mwYt2D7X43ua4jGu6 . Element has an interesting vibe, kind of a steampunk theme to the décor. The two guys behind the bar, who I believe own it, were fantastic. They don't have a set menu but instead try to match a drink to what you're feeling at the time. I had a classic daquiri and an old fashioned, which both came with a little bit of a twist on the classic recipe. They also pulled down a few different spirits which we tasted together, overall I'd highly recommend a stop and it was especially fun as the only patron there. After two cocktails, I cleaned up and called an Uber and headed to the airport. Just a heads up, the Copa Club is pretty nice, has limited food, but tragically closes at 9 PM. I had a flight that left at nearly 11 PM, so this was a little disappointing.
Overall, I loved Panama. The people were friendly, even if the service in many places was pretty lackluster. It's more expensive than Colombia or Ecuador, but several people told me it's slightly cheaper than Costa Rica. It's a good stop if you're not sure about central or south America as it's extremely safe, if you use common sense, and it's not too hard to get around using shuttles/taxis/ubers if you don't want to brave public transit. It offers very good food options in Panama City, and it's easy to find a Hampton Inn/Hooters/McDonald's/Little Caesar's/Wendy's if you need a break from being adventurous. The Spanish isn't difficult, and most people speak at least some English. I would have dropped lost and found hostel from my itinerary if I planned it again, but did not regret any of the other stops. I do kind of wish I had focused on Bocas and Boquete, saving Valle de Anton and maybe San Blas together for a future trip, but I had already painted myself into a bit of a corner with my David-Panama flights by the time I realized this. I hope this helps someone as they plan their Panama trip, or helps them decide Panama is a worthwhile visit! Please do not make as many changes as I did, I absolutely did at least one to many stops and wish I had spent more time in Bocas and probably Valle de Anton. Anyway, feel free to ask questions in the comments and I'll try to address them as they come in!
Final Itinerary:

• 3 nights at Selina Casco Viejo (meh, not recommended)
• 2 nights at Bambuda Castle Boquete
• 3 nights at Bambuda Bocas Town (recommend)
• 1 night at Lost & Found Hostel (not my jam, would not do again)
• 1 night at Hampton Inn David (saved my trip, loved it, would recommend)
• 2 nights at Bohdi Valle de Anton (solid, would recommend)
• 1 kind of night at Hotel Caracas (did exactly what I needed)

I'm trying my best to do research on my instructors while choosing classes but none the ones for MAT 117 fall session A seems to be a good choice for me :/. Some of them are just labeled "staff" and have open seats. I wanted to pick up a class from Sue McClure, but her session A class is closed/canceled ? ❌️ Any recommendations or advice?

Use the link for Seat Geek Coupon Codes of May 2024. The website features a wide selection of coupons, promo codes, and discount deals that are updated regularly for you to choose from and make your purchase more affordable.

Disclaimer: This is another one of my epic novels. Consider yourself warned.
Rule #1: Don't tell anyone at work. Rule #2: Don't write about work.
Somehow the boss and I got onto the topic of protein the other day... one thing lead to another... and before I could stop my lips, they spilled the tea. I at least managed to leave the MJ part out. Admittedly, it felt a bit like lying to the priest in the confessional (wouldn't be the first time that's happened)... except, this was on Zoom and we could see each other's faces.
Fortunately, I've lost enough weight now that the revelation was met with a raised eyebrow and a "WOW!" rather than the more typical.. "Really? Again? Until when? Lunchtime?". He's seen this rodeo before - more than a few times - so I really couldn't have blamed him if that would've been his response.
So far, he's been right EVERY. TIME.
And then he asked what my goal weight was. I should've known better.
"What? No! That's too much. You're such a big girl!"
Yes... Yes I am... but recent discoveries would indicate otherwise. (see my post EVERYDAY IS AN ADVENTURE for more information)
My goal weight is... ambitious.
While I would be the first to admit that my goal weight seems rather far fetched, based on my current weight. I didn't just pull it out of thin air. It was important to me that I set a goal that was anchored to something tangible - even if it seemed ambitious.
So, just before I started MJ in January 2024, I had a DEXA scan done. If you're not familiar with what a DEXA scan is, in the most simplest of terms, it's essentially a low radiation x-ray that scans your entire body and will calculate your body composition. You're provided with a report that will outline for you how much bone you have, how much lean mass you have (meaning muscle, connective tissue, organs, etc.), and how much fat you have. It takes it even one step further and provide a reasonable estimate of how much subaqueous fat you have (the annoying but tolerable fat) versus the amount of visceral fat you have (the evil fat twin you'd gladly give up for adoption).
So, knowing what my CURRENT lean body mass is under this fluffy quilt I walk around in, I could use that information to figure out what my "ideal" weight should be. How did I do that? Well, LEAN BODY MASS + 24% BODY FAT. Why 24%? Well, based on what I could estimate from guidelines online, 24% seemed to fit the mid-range of what would be considered 'healthy' for a woman of my age and height. So with a little basic math, I came to a number that is now my goal weight.
And yes, I'm perfectly prepared to settle on a much higher weight if, somewhere along this journey I discover a point where I'm actually comfortable in my own skin <-- Ha! Ha! That would be a first!
Plus, thanks to this subreddit, there is at least one person out there that started at a similar weight to me, same height as me, and is maintaining her weight within a range I had calculate. And she has the pictures to prove it! So, there is evidence that my end game is not entirely a made up fantasy. Thankfully, Cautious-Freedom-199 has been very open in sharing her personal journey, and it is her willingness and courage to share this part of herself that has made it possible for me to even imagine the possibilities.
So why am I having to defend myself?
Well, it's human nature.... and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Everyone will always have an opinion about something. We all do it. But what is important, is to recognize the intent. The intention, in this case, was not to harm me or ill will. Clearly, he has a point of reference, that he can relate to. And the number I stated, didn't align with his point of reference. And that's okay.
But still... suddenly I found myself having to justify my goal weight to him. A number, I'm not even convinced myself is based in reality. While I'm cautiously optimistic about the future, there's still a big part of me that has seated herself on the sidelines with her giant bowl of popcorn and strawberry twizzlers, keeping herself entertained with all of the replays of past colossal failures, while she waits, with eager anticipation, for the latest feature failure to premier.
My saving grace is that I'm a little bit of a nerd. I research the most mundane random curiosities, just for entertainment purposes - and also to help inform myself. Health, nutrition, weight loss all happen to be some of the mundane random curiosities I've obsessed over - for MANY YEARS. All in an effort to try and understand where all these little f*** fat cells came from, why they picked MY BODY of all places, and why every other cell in my body knows to DIE - skin cells die... brain cells die... muscle cells die... but for some reason, these fat little f*** fat cells convinced God to grant them eternal life. And with my luck, these little f*** will end up following me into the afterlife and I'll be fat there too - for eternity. My point is, when I find myself in situations like this, talking to someone who knows less about the topic at hand than I do... my super power is to literally bury them with information. More than they ever would want to know. And I don't stop, until they BEG me to.
Credibility is King!
If you're going to put any part of yourself out there, it pays to arm yourself with a few fun facts and have some tangible evidence to back up your rationalization, AND present in a way that is relatable to the personal your talking to. Nothing lends more credibility to what you're saying than sounding like the leading authority. In other words, it's hard to argue with someone who knows their shit. So when I explained how I came up with my goal weight, whether he agreed with it or not, it didn't matter. He could see that there was a methodology behind it, it was based on facts, and presented in a way that allowed him to understand there was strong logical evidence to support that number.
While this won't work in every situation - some people are just an ignorant stick in the mud - and you can't fix stupid, so don't waste your time even trying. Usually, if your audience is of reasonable intelligence and reasonably open-minded, and capable of having a respectful and rational discussion, then you at least have a fighting chance that they'll recognize that whatever your perspective is, has merit and isn't just complete bullshit. They may still chose to disagree - and that's okay. It's not your job to convince anyone that you're right and they're wrong. And so long as everyone agrees to respectfully disagree and leave it at that - there's nothing wrong with it.
Only time will tell....
He could actually be right.
I certainly don't know if I'm right.
And it doesn't matter.
But there are boundaries.
I did leave a key detail out of my discussion with him. Mounjaro. That was not by accident. And that's because I know there is a public perception of GLP-1 medications that is very misguided and misinformed and it is not a mountain I'm prepared to die on anytime soon. I don't know if he's even heard of these medications. It's quite possible he knows nothing about them. But it doesn't matter. This is a small detail I choose to keep close to my chest. Maybe, once I've reached my goal weight, I'll be more open about it. But no sooner than that, and it may well remain something that is on a 'need to know basis only' and most people won't ever need to know.
One thing I know for sure, and has proven itself time and time again, is that someone who has never had a significant weight problem their entire life CANNOT possibly relate to someone who has. They cannot process the distinction. They equate their struggles to lose 10-20-30 lbs to be the same as someone trying to lose 100-200-300 lbs. It's NOT the same. It's a different war on a different battle field with different rules. And I've learned that it's a losing battle to try and convince anyone just how different it is.
There was a podcast I recently watched on YouTube on PeterAttiaMD 's channel talking with Layne Norton. Layne explains why two people - one who has been lean their whole life - the other, fat their whole life - can both try to lose 20lbs and how the deck is stacked against the fat person vs. the lean person. I don't recall the specifics off hand and don't want misquote - but if this is of interest then maybe hunt through those interviews. If I can find it - I'll post it in the comments. But it was definitely an Aha! moment for me when he explained it. Sometimes, you hear someone explain the science and you suddenly feel vindicated.
So how did my conversation end with the boss?
Well, it ended with him asking me how many calories he should be eating per day, how much protein he should have, and then me calculating out his TDEE, caloric target, and macro ratios so that he can start on his own weight loss journey tomorrow. 😉
THE END.
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