Gone fishing friendship bracelet
[pf2e] [Online] Come join some friends learning pf2e with on Thursday nights on foundry!
2024.05.16 07:19 high_ground444 [pf2e] [Online] Come join some friends learning pf2e with on Thursday nights on foundry!
https://surveyheart.com/form/66459516a282384f84fc4e33
Hey everyone!
How does Thursdays 8:30pm to 11:15pm sound? (Central time).
We'll be playing an AP (still deciding) but it's between Abomination Vaults and Age of Ashes. I'll update this post when we decide.
The group is switching from 5e to pf2e but I've been GMing pf2e since is beta.
About me?
I've been running games since about 2010 and have loved every second of it. I've had many groups and seen many styles of play and systems and feel I have learned a lot. I started doing pbp with some friends because we wanted more DnD. I figured - heck I would try some text-based stuff. I grabbed a generic dice roller and we made it work. That's been about 7 years now and I have learned many many different tricks to make things easier and more fun. I've grabbed tons of random people online, turned them into my real-life friends, and gone through tons of campaigns and systems. During all that time I have ran some in-person games and have always had weekly online games as well.
Tools Used: We use discord for the voice chat and weekly text chat between sessions. Plus it's our sender of awesome memes between sessions. We use FoundryVTT which just requires you to go to a website to load into the game! We'll use a character builder inside Foundry to build our guys but we can use Pathbuilder if you want a copy outside of Foundry.
Requiring: *Be open to others *Be kind *No DnD/PF2e Experience required. I can teach. *Be active during the session as much as you feel comfortable being *Use Discord for our in-between gaming session discussions *Looking for adult players. That doesn't mean to need to be a certain age but adult topics will come up periodically and everyone should be mature and open and friendly at all times. Basically looking for people in the same situation as me and I want this to be a long-term friendship, not just a DnD group! *Central, mountain or pacific time zones preferred since it's so late when we play. The USA or Canada, please. English speaking group.
Time: 8:30PM central time on Thursday nights. These can go from 8:30 to 11:30 although may end sometimes a little sooner if we reach a good cutoff point.
Type of game • I generally play a little goofy and don't take myself too seriously but I for sure have intense and dramatic moments. • I as a GM try and flesh out the world and make it unique while bringing in your backstories as much as possible. • As a GM I love intense combat encounters and I don't normally pull my punches. That said we have plenty of RP sessions and encounters. I roll most things out in an open channel for all to see. • I love the world feeling alive and love when players really engage and interact with the world
If interested please fill out this form and we'll look to playing with you!
https://surveyheart.com/form/66459516a282384f84fc4e33
submitted by high_ground444 to pathfinder_lfg [link] [comments]
Hey everyone!
How does Thursdays 8:30pm to 11:15pm sound? (Central time).
We'll be playing an AP (still deciding) but it's between Abomination Vaults and Age of Ashes. I'll update this post when we decide.
The group is switching from 5e to pf2e but I've been GMing pf2e since is beta.
About me?
I've been running games since about 2010 and have loved every second of it. I've had many groups and seen many styles of play and systems and feel I have learned a lot. I started doing pbp with some friends because we wanted more DnD. I figured - heck I would try some text-based stuff. I grabbed a generic dice roller and we made it work. That's been about 7 years now and I have learned many many different tricks to make things easier and more fun. I've grabbed tons of random people online, turned them into my real-life friends, and gone through tons of campaigns and systems. During all that time I have ran some in-person games and have always had weekly online games as well.
Tools Used: We use discord for the voice chat and weekly text chat between sessions. Plus it's our sender of awesome memes between sessions. We use FoundryVTT which just requires you to go to a website to load into the game! We'll use a character builder inside Foundry to build our guys but we can use Pathbuilder if you want a copy outside of Foundry.
Requiring: *Be open to others *Be kind *No DnD/PF2e Experience required. I can teach. *Be active during the session as much as you feel comfortable being *Use Discord for our in-between gaming session discussions *Looking for adult players. That doesn't mean to need to be a certain age but adult topics will come up periodically and everyone should be mature and open and friendly at all times. Basically looking for people in the same situation as me and I want this to be a long-term friendship, not just a DnD group! *Central, mountain or pacific time zones preferred since it's so late when we play. The USA or Canada, please. English speaking group.
Time: 8:30PM central time on Thursday nights. These can go from 8:30 to 11:30 although may end sometimes a little sooner if we reach a good cutoff point.
Type of game • I generally play a little goofy and don't take myself too seriously but I for sure have intense and dramatic moments. • I as a GM try and flesh out the world and make it unique while bringing in your backstories as much as possible. • As a GM I love intense combat encounters and I don't normally pull my punches. That said we have plenty of RP sessions and encounters. I roll most things out in an open channel for all to see. • I love the world feeling alive and love when players really engage and interact with the world
If interested please fill out this form and we'll look to playing with you!
https://surveyheart.com/form/66459516a282384f84fc4e33
2024.05.16 07:09 ScreamingPancakes_ Need bday gift ideas for hunter/sporty bf!
My boyfriend is super into hunting (mostly deer but some duck or whatever he gets in traps), fishing (loves spearing carp, at least i think that’s the fish), sports (especially wrestling, hes a huge fan of wrestling), building legos, and some gaming.
So far I have found a couple things, such as a bottle of fancy honey with flavor (he also loves honey), and a matching magnetic couples bracelet. I was also debating on getting a sweatshirt and embroidering a heart and maybe my initial on the sleeve. I wanted maybe one or two more things for him. My budget for those is somewhere around 100$ usd (i am a decently broke hs student.)
submitted by ScreamingPancakes_ to Gifts [link] [comments]
So far I have found a couple things, such as a bottle of fancy honey with flavor (he also loves honey), and a matching magnetic couples bracelet. I was also debating on getting a sweatshirt and embroidering a heart and maybe my initial on the sleeve. I wanted maybe one or two more things for him. My budget for those is somewhere around 100$ usd (i am a decently broke hs student.)
2024.05.16 07:05 BruhEmperor Freedom National Convention of 1904 American Interflow Timeline
 | A certain echo drapes the Freedomite National Convention in one Monday afternoon. “Utter folly!”, yells a voice from the crowd. It was Miss Caroline. The daughter of the late president—and some call dictator—P.T. Barnum. Mrs. Barnum would rush to the Convention Chairman Russell B. Harrison, the son of the very candidate that ran against her father, Barnum would hand Harrison a note before quickly scurrying off the convention. Members of the crowd demanded Harrison read out the note. The note was handed to Hamilton Fish II to be read along to the attendees. “My father laughs at this party from the grave.”. Those words shook, but understandably resolved the feelings, of many present. Many were already uneasy, President Chaffee had already been renominated for President unanimously by the Patriots. The Freedomites had come last of the major in every election since the end of President P.T. Barnum’s tenure. Stirring opinions for the need of change, yet also calls for a return to tradition. Many in the party had been split on the policies made during President Chaffee’s tenure, with some more agreeing with his policies than others. The high stakes for the nomination would lead to Freedomite coming in droves to support their new shining star. submitted by BruhEmperor to Presidentialpoll [link] [comments] The Freedom Party National Convention was held at New Haven, Connecticut on June 6th, 1904. Inside the Freedom National Convention Joseph Gurney Cannon - Mr. Cannon had already lost 1900, why make him lead ‘04? A common cry shared among many who wanted a shift in grand party in ideology. Yet to many, Cannon was exactly what the party needs to revert back to tradition. Cannon support the Barnum administration and martial law, suing the Illinois electoral commission for omitting Whitelaw Reid from the 1888 ballot. A conservative stalwart and the “big bully” of Congress, 67-year old “Uncle Joe” was instrumental in securing the German peace deal in the Philippines, homeland army modernization efforts, and demanded diplomatic action be done against Russia during the ACCEC-KVZhD incident. Fiercely nationalistic and isolationist, unlike President Barnum, Cannon would reject imperialism and foreign meddling and deemed intervention only necessary if it directly threatened the US. Once deeming “To the world, their own. To the United States, its own.”. Cannon would also oppose Chaffee’s shift away from the gold standard to fiat money, the heightened regulations, the continued troop sending to American-occupied Fujian and the Congo General Administration, and the expansive powers give to the presidential cabinet. Cannon would advocate an "All-American Homeland Policy", with eyes of politics being strictly observant of the issues at home, not abroad. Cannon would be called hypocritical by many, due to his work in securing agreements with foreign nations, but his efforts would please nationalists as him simply defending the American honor. Cannon with US Ambassador to the United Kingdom Robert Todd Lincoln Henry Cabot Lodge - As the feelings of imperialism ran high, so did it root into major political figures. Replacing the radical Edward Bellamy as Senator from Massachusetts, the freshman senator was thrusted into the national spotlight as an American representative for the Treaty of São Paulo. Though his work was eclipsed by the work of the renowned George von Lengerke Meyer, the stunt gained Lodge a standing nationally. As the now 53-year old now seasoned Senator Henry Cabot Lodge enters the running for the nomination, his resume has now far exceeded his old one four years ago. Supporting the occupation of Fujian province, the defensive of the Filipino republics against the Germans, the American presence in the Congo General Administration, the solidification of Bahia Blanca as American territory, support of corporate regulations, and calling to occupy or annex the remaining praia states of the world. Lodge would position himself with the imperialists, with a traditional conservative flair. Perhaps Lodge’s most divisive position would be his support of Public Safety Secretary Edward Carmack. Carmack’s mass immigration policies and usage of BPS to hunt down the “high-grade criminal” got the support of Lodge in Congress. Lodge even hosted a party in honor of the Massachusetts chapter of the Hancockian Corps. Lodge would support the gold standard and opposing the lax tariff policies of the administration. Lodge’s public opinions about his support of imperialism and the “Chaffean Policy” pushes him firmly to one faction of the party, as the other factions would faint to the notion of his nomination. Official congressional photo of Senator Henry Cabot Lodge Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. - A scholar, a jurist, and an educator. Son of one of the most esteemed American poets and once presidential aspirant Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr., the younger Holmes once dreamed of reaching the highest court of the nation. But being thrusted into the Senate by the Massachusetts opposition who rejected another Adams entering office, Holmes was dragged into a political hellscape even he saw as tiring and petty. Nevertheless, Holmes made work as senator, being renowned as a progressive and logician. Holmes would oppose imperialism and interventionism, demanding America’s legacy of isolationism continue on to this era. Once stating that "...if the United States made of the world its heated enemy, then none shall be surprise at its immediate collapse in warfare at the hands of the world." Holmes would act more as a lawyer than a traditional politician in the Senate, often defending his positions in common debates with his opponents. Senator George Murray would say that "None understands the complexity and framework created by the founders regarding the Constitution more than Senator Holmes.". One of the signatories of the “Declaration of National Renouncement”, declaring his opposition to Edward Carmack and the BPS’s actions and demanding his resignation and the restructuring of the bureau. Holmes would also support massive regulations on monopolies and oppose the fiat money policy. Though not that interested of the presidency, the progressive and anti-imperialists of the party saw Holmes as the best chance of ascension. They would campaign on his behalf and fashioned him as a spiritual successor to Hale and Clay. Senator James R. Garfield of Ohio would campaign for his colleague, declaring him “…the last hope of American reform and readjustment.”. Senator Oliver Wendell Holmes William Howard Taft - Once described as the “softer Taft”, not only as a jab for his figure but also his approach to politics compared that of his brother. Placed by his powerful brother as the overseer of the American occupation forces of Fujian and the American ambassador to the Bonifacian Filipino Republic (officially the Sovereign Tagalog Republic). Young Taft was renowned for his diligent and pragmatic work as a diplomat. Taft’s efforts and reforms in Fujian already uncovered a steadily growing “Americanized” society in the province, lifting its population from the repression of the former Qing government into the American brand of modernization. Praised by seemingly all members of the Freedomite factions, a praise for diplomacy only behind that of George von Lengerke Meyer. His general popularly and esteem made him an attractive candidate for a unifying nominee. Though Taft himself preferred his diplomatic station, or possibly a station in the US Supreme Court like Holmes before him, many influences continued to sway Taft to seek the nomination. One of those surprisingly being Commonwealth House Leader Theodore Roosevelt, who had a personal friendship with Taft, and continued to encourage him to seek the high office. His brother Charlie, the Freedomite House Leader, certainly would be please if his brother would be elevated to the high office. Taft continues to be slightly reluctant, though many recognize the pressure would certain thrust him into acceptance. Senator William McKinley would say in Taft's support "Many men here have individual commendable qualities, but Mr. Taft was gifted with truly presidential ones.". Taft with the \"Taft Commission\", his diplomatic staff who aid him with his daunting diplomatic tasks View Poll |
2024.05.16 07:00 AdBoring7789 My story from childhood to present day (21yr old)
This will be my first time ever openly sharing about my addiction; from the root cause to the effects and struggles that having a porn addiction has impacted my life to this day
So I just recently turned 21 and I'm beginning to look around and realize that for as long as I've acknowledged that I have a problem and need to quit, I keep feeding the addiction KNOWING that it's ruining my life. I'm going to split this post into 3 sections explaining the following stages: The root causes/early development, Progression of my addiction to current day, and Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal. Not exactly sure why I'm posting this but I just feel like it's something I need to let out. Hope someone can relate or give me their take on it.
The root causes/early development: So I believe that my PA manifested due to a few different reasons: Playing "doctor" with my sister as a child, early age porn exposure, and then using porn as a coping mechanism to deal with any negative emotions. So starting w/ "playing doctor", it first happened at a very young age, somewhere between elementary school to 6th grade. I think most people know what that is but to keep it short basically my sister who is a year older than me introduced my to basically role playing as doctor and patient. I wasn't sure if SHE even knew it was wrong but the point is, it happened. I genuinely don't think she was doing in an abusive way but I'll never know. I don't remember the small details of exactly how it happened but what leads me to think this was a factor that contributed to my porn addiction is that I know now as an adult that it's wrong, however as we "played doctor" I only grew to enjoy it and occasionally we took things outside of "playing doctor" - which is why I don't know what to make of it... Long story short it went from "doctor" to us making up our own games like "spy" where we pretended to fight each other as spy's, getting "knocked out" unconscious while she'd touch... and I specifically remember wanting to play these games in hopes that it led to that. But even outside of playing games I grew to wanting to touch her and act on perverted thoughts as a child that were NOT normal for my age or in general. And sometimes I would sneakily act on them - which as I'm reflecting on right now makes me think that me KNOWINGLY trying to be sneaky and act on perverted thoughts at that young of an age had to have carried on with me as I got older (contributing to my porn addiction).. And then the last thing that I vividly remember was when I was probably 10-12 years old is when again we were actually kind of aggressively play fighting, somehow ended up with each other's hands DOWN THERE mutually and we kept going on with each other until she made me.... yeah. And that was the last memory I had of what started out as us "playing doctor". Fast forward to current date since that last memory and we've never spoken about those experiences (more on that later). Going onto the actual exposure of pornography and WATCHING porn, I was exposed to it somewhere in between the same timeframe as when I'd play doctor and the last memory of us playing (somewhere between the ages of 8-12). I can vividly remember the scene that played late at night on the tv that my parents had left on (I shared a room with them). And then moving forward from there, somewhere in between I would find videos on YouTube of this "prank" channel where he'd go up to paid actors, bet that if he beat them in rock paper scissors that they'd have to make out with him. And as a young kid at the time seeing a girl in a bikini making out with a guy as he grabbed on her ass just made me horny and I learned to masturbate from there. And I cant think of a stronger dopamine hit for a 8-12 year old little me at the time than seeing those videos and pleasuring myself. After this, I'd hit middle school where I was bullied a lot, all while lacking social skills necessary to make any genuine friends or deal with the emotional turmoil of being bullied. Fast forward a few months and I think I just progressively began to normalize using porn as a coping mechanism - All the way from whenever I just got mad while dying repetitively on the videogame, to avoiding the fact that I hated my life everyday that I went to school. I'd use porn to receive that "good feeling" whenever I could. And I think my sexual addiction got worse when I began touching myself in the shower almost everyday in middle school to the imagination of the pretty girls that were at my school, even though I had neverarely talked to some of them. It was just a thing for me where every night I took a shower, I closed my eyes and fantasized about doing stuff with them. And then the cycles of me normalizing these things continued and eventually I found out about REAL porn sites.
Progression of my addiction to current day: So shortly after finding the real porn sites I entirely opted to use those as much as possible as the cycle continued. So by my freshman year of high school I was already using porn sites regularly. I remember during summer and winter breaks, sometimes I'd sleep at my grandmas and stay up all night switching from ejaculating to porn, to watching my favorite youtuber and streamers, to going back to jerking off. It was a multiple times a day/night occurrence OFTEN. Sometimes even during the middle of the day I'd pretend to use the bathroom but really I had a porn video pulled up and I watched until I was done. And as time progressed one video didn't exactly cut it for me. I don't think its that I couldn't get off to the first video, but more so that I just had the urge to see more and didn't want to nut yet. I didn't even know if I was purposely edging or not. I did not even understand that edging was a concept yet. Its just something that occurred naturally for me. And during all of this, I am still somewhere in the age range of 13-15. Consistently ejaculating to pornography, further exploring the more basic categories of porn like anal and lesbian. I think a notable memory was one of the first times I watched porn in the middle of work during summer break (extended family owns a construction company so I worked over breaks). It's crazy because in construction all we have are porta-potties that are always hot and nasty and the urge just came over me one day to pretend like I was using the bathroom and get one off before I went back... I don't think I even realized at the time that I had an addiction because this was still early high school. It was just something I looked at as a good feeling and whenever the urges came to me I took any chance I got to fulfill them. Even if I was sharing a room with a family member, I'd be as slow and quit as I could, touch myself under the covers, finish in my underwear and then showechange the next morning like it was normal. Moving forward, this type of behavior continues all the way throughout high school and the feeling of ejaculating just is not as intense as it use to be, so I look up ways to spice it up and I tried shit all the way from sitting on my own hand til it goes sort or numb so it "feels like someone else is touching you", to doing it in more risky places like my backyard outside when I was home alone and had my pants pulled down all the way, to whatever else I could try. Reflecting back, I just look at all these actions as the progressions of a sexual/porn addiction that is still developing. And this is how I rationalize the way I developed a porn addiction. Now it wasn't AWFUL in high school but it was getting bad. I realized that I had actually had a bad addiction that needed to be addressed a few months after graduating high school. From that point forward It was something that I had acknowledged was an issue but nonetheless, continued to do out of habit and as a continued coping mechanism. Whether it was from the lack of relationships, to my current life situation/direction I was headed in, or just any negative emotion - I used porn to release. Sometimes I'd even just do it out of boredom, not even because I had a dying urge to get one off. And then after that point of realization, I sat in "depression" for a few months still going about my everyday life until one day my dad mentioned that I should try therapy. He knew nothing about the addiction but I did let him know I feel depressed and the many struggles that I faced - which I believe is due to my porn addiction. So long story short, I go to therapy for about 3 sessions and end up dropping it because it just wasn't something I felt was helping or enjoyed (more on that later). From there to current day, I've gone at MOST one week periods attempting to quit porn and every time I relapse. From the age of 1 to-current day 21 years old, the progression of the categories of porn that I watch has grown and a few different fetishes like face sitting, femdom, and role play has increased. I don't NEED to watch these specific categories to get off, however these are ones I've found myself most recently watching and edging to, sometimes for 1-3 hours at a time, usually at night on weekends or before I fall asleep. And to take it a step further, I had started pouring money into camgirl sites, phone sex sites, only fans, etc.. I live with my parents still so it's not to the point that I'm broke and have no money, but still what the fuck am I doing putting my hard earned money into a porn addiction... (I'm a functioning adult on a pathway to financial freedom, more on this later).
Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal: So I believe that the main struggles with my porn addiction consist of: the inability/struggle to create and maintain healthy relationships, low self esteem, poor social skills, lack of motivation, and the cognitive dissonance of continuing my addiction to porn even though morally I believe it is wrong to lust over. I believe all of these struggles that come with porn are connected to each other - minus the cognitive dissonance. But everything else kind of stacks on top of each other. So my thought process is that I already dealt w/ low self esteem and confidence from a very young age, and porn just completely enhanced those problems and made it even harder to fix/work on. If you're anything like me and have watched videos on the sciences of porn on your brain, and possible struggles that we deal with, I'm assuming you know how it goes for the most part. I'd say I show symptoms of all effects of being a porn addict, however I've learned to "act normal" to an extent. Like YES I struggle to make friends and hold conversations with people in general but I can make it happen. Sure it'll be a little awkward depending on who I'm speaking to, but I feel like I act normal enough to not be a total outcast and all out weirdo around people. But I just feel like every relationship I have with anyone is extremely surface level or unfulfilling. I feel like as a person I lack so much substance and personality due to the fact that I never really put myself out there and learned social skills when I was coming up. My mindset was molded into something like "keep your head down and stay out the way" in order to avoid conflict. So I never really put myself out there to develop any type of super crazy/interesting personality. I work, play videogames, go to the gym, watch anime. I feel like there's not much else - which might also be a side affect of my porn addiction. Lack of emotion. And I refuse to call it depression. Kind of got red pilled by Andrew Tate Philosophy and it entirely HAS helped me. Maybe it's real, maybe it's not - because when I was fresh out of high school and hyper focused on the bad parts of my life, I felt depressed as shit. Legit like I couldn't do anything to fix it. And the more I identified as "depressed" the more I allowed myself to look for things in my life to confirm that belief. So eventually I went on a self improvement journey and just stopped allowing "depression" to hold power over me. Now I don't believe in it so it's not something that can hold me down in that crippling way. HOWEVER, I DO believe in just being in a shitty situation - which is what I feel like having a porn addiction along with it's effects and symptoms is. It's a shitty situation and I can either allow it to keep ruining my life OR I can get up everyday and attempt to fix it. And I refuse to play the victim card. Sure, I may have been exposed to some fucked up shit at a young age and used porn as a coping mechanism. There is no denying that it happened and that it may have been unfair and out of my control. YES, that's my problem. I may be a victim of pornography but I do not have to ALLOW it to continue to ruin my life. Easier said than done but it's definitely possible and I will not blame my lack of discipline or call it "depression" because I'm unable to quit. The way I see it is, there is a lot of shit that happened to me in the past that I have to come to terms with, and then I must come up with a plan to improve and learn how to be better. For example, struggling to hold eye contact with people, hold basic conversation with people (specifically women), find confidence within myself, become more social, etc... These are all skills that we can practice and learn. Simply by going outside and putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations that allow us to put the reps in. I believe that if I quit porn and start walking up to 10 strangers a day and try having simple conversations with them, in time I can only get better at being social and connecting with people. It's gonna suck and feel like shit at first, but I truly believe that it's a way to improve and get better. As I stand in my current situation I would say I have a lot of work to do but I'm still a functioning addict. I have friendships and relationships with family but they are very lack luster and I long for something deeper and more intimate. I know I'm not ugly and have the ability to pull a good looking girl, shit I've turned down this really pretty girl who always asks to hangout simply due to the fact that I feel like I'm gonna fuck it up and have bad social skills. And its getting to a point where friends and family are wondering why I haven't had a girlfriend in years. Overall its a lack of self esteem, which hinders me from being able to confidently put myself out there as a person who's deserving of love/companionship, which then makes me sort of self isolate and stray away from any type of connection or opportunity to be vulnerable. Which just leads me to feeling like a loser or someone that is undeserving of love because I'm just in a shitty situation. And yeah. Its kind of a self sabotaging cycle because I feel like I understand what's going on but I don't have the discipline and don't put the work in to get better. But that's just my two cents. This post was extremely long and I probably rifted off topic a few times and had my thoughts all over the place, and I still have a lot more I could give input about but this is the jist of everything
If anyone has a support group or needs someone to talk to, 1. I'd like to join the group, or 2. Feel free to message me for any support or conversation.
submitted by AdBoring7789 to PornAddiction [link] [comments]
So I just recently turned 21 and I'm beginning to look around and realize that for as long as I've acknowledged that I have a problem and need to quit, I keep feeding the addiction KNOWING that it's ruining my life. I'm going to split this post into 3 sections explaining the following stages: The root causes/early development, Progression of my addiction to current day, and Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal. Not exactly sure why I'm posting this but I just feel like it's something I need to let out. Hope someone can relate or give me their take on it.
The root causes/early development: So I believe that my PA manifested due to a few different reasons: Playing "doctor" with my sister as a child, early age porn exposure, and then using porn as a coping mechanism to deal with any negative emotions. So starting w/ "playing doctor", it first happened at a very young age, somewhere between elementary school to 6th grade. I think most people know what that is but to keep it short basically my sister who is a year older than me introduced my to basically role playing as doctor and patient. I wasn't sure if SHE even knew it was wrong but the point is, it happened. I genuinely don't think she was doing in an abusive way but I'll never know. I don't remember the small details of exactly how it happened but what leads me to think this was a factor that contributed to my porn addiction is that I know now as an adult that it's wrong, however as we "played doctor" I only grew to enjoy it and occasionally we took things outside of "playing doctor" - which is why I don't know what to make of it... Long story short it went from "doctor" to us making up our own games like "spy" where we pretended to fight each other as spy's, getting "knocked out" unconscious while she'd touch... and I specifically remember wanting to play these games in hopes that it led to that. But even outside of playing games I grew to wanting to touch her and act on perverted thoughts as a child that were NOT normal for my age or in general. And sometimes I would sneakily act on them - which as I'm reflecting on right now makes me think that me KNOWINGLY trying to be sneaky and act on perverted thoughts at that young of an age had to have carried on with me as I got older (contributing to my porn addiction).. And then the last thing that I vividly remember was when I was probably 10-12 years old is when again we were actually kind of aggressively play fighting, somehow ended up with each other's hands DOWN THERE mutually and we kept going on with each other until she made me.... yeah. And that was the last memory I had of what started out as us "playing doctor". Fast forward to current date since that last memory and we've never spoken about those experiences (more on that later). Going onto the actual exposure of pornography and WATCHING porn, I was exposed to it somewhere in between the same timeframe as when I'd play doctor and the last memory of us playing (somewhere between the ages of 8-12). I can vividly remember the scene that played late at night on the tv that my parents had left on (I shared a room with them). And then moving forward from there, somewhere in between I would find videos on YouTube of this "prank" channel where he'd go up to paid actors, bet that if he beat them in rock paper scissors that they'd have to make out with him. And as a young kid at the time seeing a girl in a bikini making out with a guy as he grabbed on her ass just made me horny and I learned to masturbate from there. And I cant think of a stronger dopamine hit for a 8-12 year old little me at the time than seeing those videos and pleasuring myself. After this, I'd hit middle school where I was bullied a lot, all while lacking social skills necessary to make any genuine friends or deal with the emotional turmoil of being bullied. Fast forward a few months and I think I just progressively began to normalize using porn as a coping mechanism - All the way from whenever I just got mad while dying repetitively on the videogame, to avoiding the fact that I hated my life everyday that I went to school. I'd use porn to receive that "good feeling" whenever I could. And I think my sexual addiction got worse when I began touching myself in the shower almost everyday in middle school to the imagination of the pretty girls that were at my school, even though I had neverarely talked to some of them. It was just a thing for me where every night I took a shower, I closed my eyes and fantasized about doing stuff with them. And then the cycles of me normalizing these things continued and eventually I found out about REAL porn sites.
Progression of my addiction to current day: So shortly after finding the real porn sites I entirely opted to use those as much as possible as the cycle continued. So by my freshman year of high school I was already using porn sites regularly. I remember during summer and winter breaks, sometimes I'd sleep at my grandmas and stay up all night switching from ejaculating to porn, to watching my favorite youtuber and streamers, to going back to jerking off. It was a multiple times a day/night occurrence OFTEN. Sometimes even during the middle of the day I'd pretend to use the bathroom but really I had a porn video pulled up and I watched until I was done. And as time progressed one video didn't exactly cut it for me. I don't think its that I couldn't get off to the first video, but more so that I just had the urge to see more and didn't want to nut yet. I didn't even know if I was purposely edging or not. I did not even understand that edging was a concept yet. Its just something that occurred naturally for me. And during all of this, I am still somewhere in the age range of 13-15. Consistently ejaculating to pornography, further exploring the more basic categories of porn like anal and lesbian. I think a notable memory was one of the first times I watched porn in the middle of work during summer break (extended family owns a construction company so I worked over breaks). It's crazy because in construction all we have are porta-potties that are always hot and nasty and the urge just came over me one day to pretend like I was using the bathroom and get one off before I went back... I don't think I even realized at the time that I had an addiction because this was still early high school. It was just something I looked at as a good feeling and whenever the urges came to me I took any chance I got to fulfill them. Even if I was sharing a room with a family member, I'd be as slow and quit as I could, touch myself under the covers, finish in my underwear and then showechange the next morning like it was normal. Moving forward, this type of behavior continues all the way throughout high school and the feeling of ejaculating just is not as intense as it use to be, so I look up ways to spice it up and I tried shit all the way from sitting on my own hand til it goes sort or numb so it "feels like someone else is touching you", to doing it in more risky places like my backyard outside when I was home alone and had my pants pulled down all the way, to whatever else I could try. Reflecting back, I just look at all these actions as the progressions of a sexual/porn addiction that is still developing. And this is how I rationalize the way I developed a porn addiction. Now it wasn't AWFUL in high school but it was getting bad. I realized that I had actually had a bad addiction that needed to be addressed a few months after graduating high school. From that point forward It was something that I had acknowledged was an issue but nonetheless, continued to do out of habit and as a continued coping mechanism. Whether it was from the lack of relationships, to my current life situation/direction I was headed in, or just any negative emotion - I used porn to release. Sometimes I'd even just do it out of boredom, not even because I had a dying urge to get one off. And then after that point of realization, I sat in "depression" for a few months still going about my everyday life until one day my dad mentioned that I should try therapy. He knew nothing about the addiction but I did let him know I feel depressed and the many struggles that I faced - which I believe is due to my porn addiction. So long story short, I go to therapy for about 3 sessions and end up dropping it because it just wasn't something I felt was helping or enjoyed (more on that later). From there to current day, I've gone at MOST one week periods attempting to quit porn and every time I relapse. From the age of 1 to-current day 21 years old, the progression of the categories of porn that I watch has grown and a few different fetishes like face sitting, femdom, and role play has increased. I don't NEED to watch these specific categories to get off, however these are ones I've found myself most recently watching and edging to, sometimes for 1-3 hours at a time, usually at night on weekends or before I fall asleep. And to take it a step further, I had started pouring money into camgirl sites, phone sex sites, only fans, etc.. I live with my parents still so it's not to the point that I'm broke and have no money, but still what the fuck am I doing putting my hard earned money into a porn addiction... (I'm a functioning adult on a pathway to financial freedom, more on this later).
Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal: So I believe that the main struggles with my porn addiction consist of: the inability/struggle to create and maintain healthy relationships, low self esteem, poor social skills, lack of motivation, and the cognitive dissonance of continuing my addiction to porn even though morally I believe it is wrong to lust over. I believe all of these struggles that come with porn are connected to each other - minus the cognitive dissonance. But everything else kind of stacks on top of each other. So my thought process is that I already dealt w/ low self esteem and confidence from a very young age, and porn just completely enhanced those problems and made it even harder to fix/work on. If you're anything like me and have watched videos on the sciences of porn on your brain, and possible struggles that we deal with, I'm assuming you know how it goes for the most part. I'd say I show symptoms of all effects of being a porn addict, however I've learned to "act normal" to an extent. Like YES I struggle to make friends and hold conversations with people in general but I can make it happen. Sure it'll be a little awkward depending on who I'm speaking to, but I feel like I act normal enough to not be a total outcast and all out weirdo around people. But I just feel like every relationship I have with anyone is extremely surface level or unfulfilling. I feel like as a person I lack so much substance and personality due to the fact that I never really put myself out there and learned social skills when I was coming up. My mindset was molded into something like "keep your head down and stay out the way" in order to avoid conflict. So I never really put myself out there to develop any type of super crazy/interesting personality. I work, play videogames, go to the gym, watch anime. I feel like there's not much else - which might also be a side affect of my porn addiction. Lack of emotion. And I refuse to call it depression. Kind of got red pilled by Andrew Tate Philosophy and it entirely HAS helped me. Maybe it's real, maybe it's not - because when I was fresh out of high school and hyper focused on the bad parts of my life, I felt depressed as shit. Legit like I couldn't do anything to fix it. And the more I identified as "depressed" the more I allowed myself to look for things in my life to confirm that belief. So eventually I went on a self improvement journey and just stopped allowing "depression" to hold power over me. Now I don't believe in it so it's not something that can hold me down in that crippling way. HOWEVER, I DO believe in just being in a shitty situation - which is what I feel like having a porn addiction along with it's effects and symptoms is. It's a shitty situation and I can either allow it to keep ruining my life OR I can get up everyday and attempt to fix it. And I refuse to play the victim card. Sure, I may have been exposed to some fucked up shit at a young age and used porn as a coping mechanism. There is no denying that it happened and that it may have been unfair and out of my control. YES, that's my problem. I may be a victim of pornography but I do not have to ALLOW it to continue to ruin my life. Easier said than done but it's definitely possible and I will not blame my lack of discipline or call it "depression" because I'm unable to quit. The way I see it is, there is a lot of shit that happened to me in the past that I have to come to terms with, and then I must come up with a plan to improve and learn how to be better. For example, struggling to hold eye contact with people, hold basic conversation with people (specifically women), find confidence within myself, become more social, etc... These are all skills that we can practice and learn. Simply by going outside and putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations that allow us to put the reps in. I believe that if I quit porn and start walking up to 10 strangers a day and try having simple conversations with them, in time I can only get better at being social and connecting with people. It's gonna suck and feel like shit at first, but I truly believe that it's a way to improve and get better. As I stand in my current situation I would say I have a lot of work to do but I'm still a functioning addict. I have friendships and relationships with family but they are very lack luster and I long for something deeper and more intimate. I know I'm not ugly and have the ability to pull a good looking girl, shit I've turned down this really pretty girl who always asks to hangout simply due to the fact that I feel like I'm gonna fuck it up and have bad social skills. And its getting to a point where friends and family are wondering why I haven't had a girlfriend in years. Overall its a lack of self esteem, which hinders me from being able to confidently put myself out there as a person who's deserving of love/companionship, which then makes me sort of self isolate and stray away from any type of connection or opportunity to be vulnerable. Which just leads me to feeling like a loser or someone that is undeserving of love because I'm just in a shitty situation. And yeah. Its kind of a self sabotaging cycle because I feel like I understand what's going on but I don't have the discipline and don't put the work in to get better. But that's just my two cents. This post was extremely long and I probably rifted off topic a few times and had my thoughts all over the place, and I still have a lot more I could give input about but this is the jist of everything
If anyone has a support group or needs someone to talk to, 1. I'd like to join the group, or 2. Feel free to message me for any support or conversation.
2024.05.16 07:00 AutoModerator [PSA] Daily Island Services and Visitors MegaThread May 16, 2024
This thread is for all Public Service Announcements for today's date. If you want to offer a service or an opportunity for an experience or visit, please post in this thread instead of posting separately with the [PSA] tag.
This thread is for people who are offering services. If you are looking for a service, check here first. If you don’t find what you want, you may post a [LF] thread. Make sure to offer something [FT] as payment.
What are services? A PSA is used to announce a service in your town that you would like to invite people to participate in. These things include:
NOTE TO HOSTS: WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED HOSTING/NO LONGER AVAILABLE, DO NOT DELETE YOUR COMMENT. Simply edit it to say you have gone offline. Deleting the top comment makes it difficult to figure out what happened and so will invalidate any RMM reviews left for you. If you wish to review someone on /RateMyMayor for participating in this thread, please link to the host's original top comment for the event (click "permalink" under that comment to get the correct URL), to make the trade easier to find in the thread. Failure to do so may result in the review being removed if the trade cannot be found easily.
submitted by AutoModerator to ACTrade [link] [comments]
This thread is for people who are offering services. If you are looking for a service, check here first. If you don’t find what you want, you may post a [LF] thread. Make sure to offer something [FT] as payment.
What are services? A PSA is used to announce a service in your town that you would like to invite people to participate in. These things include:
- Special Visitors in your town (eg Celeste),
- Offers to craft in exchange for materials,
- Premiums at Nooks’,
- Villagers giving out recipes,
- Offers to let people use your shops,
- Hosting for fishing or bugs in a different hemisphere. If you are offering an experience, or an opportunity to pay to get an item (eg Saharah, shopping), rather than a trade for items or bells, it belongs in here. Payment for services The general expectation is that people will tip for services. If you want to ask for specific tips, you may. If you want to ask for specific payment, you may. We’ll let the market dictate whether that’s sustainable. NB If you want to do a [GIVEAWAY] for a service like Celeste or villagers giving recipes, you may post a separate thread, but you may not ask for any tips or payment if you do so. All posting guidelines still apply to the Daily PSA Thread. Posts in this thread do not count against the spamming rule. You may have an active PSA in this thread and a second active post outside this thread. NOTE TO HOSTS: WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED HOSTING/NO LONGER AVAILABLE, DO NOT DELETE YOUR COMMENT. Simply edit it to say you have gone offline. Deleting the top comment makes it difficult to figure out what happened and so will invalidate any RMM reviews left for you.
NOTE TO HOSTS: WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED HOSTING/NO LONGER AVAILABLE, DO NOT DELETE YOUR COMMENT. Simply edit it to say you have gone offline. Deleting the top comment makes it difficult to figure out what happened and so will invalidate any RMM reviews left for you. If you wish to review someone on /RateMyMayor for participating in this thread, please link to the host's original top comment for the event (click "permalink" under that comment to get the correct URL), to make the trade easier to find in the thread. Failure to do so may result in the review being removed if the trade cannot be found easily.
2024.05.16 06:59 Xanny455 43M boyfriend not allowing 25F girlfriend to have have male friends?
Hello, I really need advice, I will try to give as much background as possible. I’m a female age 25, he is male age 43. We just made it past a year together.
2 weeks ago i typed this up but couldnt find out how to post it lol: My boyfriend has made it very clear that he is not okay with, as he puts it, “new male friends”. Hes okay with my male friend I’ve had since before we got together (except one, that I decided to let it go because it wasn’t worth it anyways).
I was in a school program for 7 months, I was the class “ambassador” as they call it, people came to me with any questions and I would give everyone my number if they had questions, our teacher actually asked this of us. I was passing all my classes with 98% and above.
Queue a new student, A, weird quirky dude, plays a game that none of my current friends do (league of legends).
Fast forward to one night, my boyfriend has already gone to sleep - and I’m up late with my little brother and A and we made plans for the next morning to play a different game that I had just bought, all three of us. Not A and I alone, me my little brother AND A. I go to sleep thinking I will text my boyfriend whats up when I wakeup - but he calls me at 705AM out of my sleep before I ever planned to wakeup and asks me to play a game with him. I said I’m sorry I can’t I already made plans with my little brother and A - here starts our relationship issues.
Tonight it has come down to if I don’t cut A out of my life we are over. He already brokeup with me technically 2 weeks ago over the same thing but I came by the house and fought for the relationship.
He always crosses my boundaries (seperate issue sorry), I ask him not to drink because when he drinks he is an asshole and … can scream at me or be a little crazy (never physical abuse) but yeah, and I’ve always forgiven him. He tells me I’m controlling that I ask him not to drink, but its from lived experienced while with him that weve both come to the conclusion that he should not drink.
I’ve never been friends with another “male” (as he says) and been unfaithful or been shady, in fact I have only played games with A 3 times, and ALWAYS with my little brother involved.
Tonight he got a beer of course, and he freaked out on me and everything tells me this relationship isnt healthy but I love him so much
I guess my base question is: is it okay to restrict someone from having friends?
He always says ok well if you have male friends I’m gunna go get female friends - I feel like that he is doing it in a spiteful way so therefore it has malicious intent and I don’t like that, but under normal circumstances yes go ahead. I trust him to never cheat on me (sober).
I’m just so lost 😞
I’m sorry if this isnt right for this reddit, I just need advice.
We are in couples therapy now, weve had one session. I put A on hiatus so I can work on my relationship, but today A messaged me asking when we can game. I told him to please respect the space I asked for and that I would reach out when I’m ready (with my boyfriends consent).
I wanted to transparent with my boyfriend tonight so when he got off work I let him know that A reached out to me and it seemed to make him upset. He did the whole thing he did before sayinf he was going to get female friends specifixay one named Staceyfrom work whom I’ve never even heard of!!
Its just frustratinf. Sometimes I wonder if I just let go of this one thing we could be happy and I could get married and have kids, besides this one thing hes really great to me.
Would someone more "submissive" be better for him? I’m starting to wonder if maybe we just don’t mesh together because of this one thing - but isnt that stupid to throw a whole relationship away?
Please be kind, only constructive advice - I’m open to all perspectives but I just ask that you be kind
Thank you
Edit: read what the automod said, please ignore any "is this okay" questions but I did try to delete them already - just looking for advice!
submitted by Xanny455 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2 weeks ago i typed this up but couldnt find out how to post it lol: My boyfriend has made it very clear that he is not okay with, as he puts it, “new male friends”. Hes okay with my male friend I’ve had since before we got together (except one, that I decided to let it go because it wasn’t worth it anyways).
I was in a school program for 7 months, I was the class “ambassador” as they call it, people came to me with any questions and I would give everyone my number if they had questions, our teacher actually asked this of us. I was passing all my classes with 98% and above.
Queue a new student, A, weird quirky dude, plays a game that none of my current friends do (league of legends).
Fast forward to one night, my boyfriend has already gone to sleep - and I’m up late with my little brother and A and we made plans for the next morning to play a different game that I had just bought, all three of us. Not A and I alone, me my little brother AND A. I go to sleep thinking I will text my boyfriend whats up when I wakeup - but he calls me at 705AM out of my sleep before I ever planned to wakeup and asks me to play a game with him. I said I’m sorry I can’t I already made plans with my little brother and A - here starts our relationship issues.
Tonight it has come down to if I don’t cut A out of my life we are over. He already brokeup with me technically 2 weeks ago over the same thing but I came by the house and fought for the relationship.
He always crosses my boundaries (seperate issue sorry), I ask him not to drink because when he drinks he is an asshole and … can scream at me or be a little crazy (never physical abuse) but yeah, and I’ve always forgiven him. He tells me I’m controlling that I ask him not to drink, but its from lived experienced while with him that weve both come to the conclusion that he should not drink.
I’ve never been friends with another “male” (as he says) and been unfaithful or been shady, in fact I have only played games with A 3 times, and ALWAYS with my little brother involved.
Tonight he got a beer of course, and he freaked out on me and everything tells me this relationship isnt healthy but I love him so much
I guess my base question is: is it okay to restrict someone from having friends?
He always says ok well if you have male friends I’m gunna go get female friends - I feel like that he is doing it in a spiteful way so therefore it has malicious intent and I don’t like that, but under normal circumstances yes go ahead. I trust him to never cheat on me (sober).
I’m just so lost 😞
I’m sorry if this isnt right for this reddit, I just need advice.
- current
We are in couples therapy now, weve had one session. I put A on hiatus so I can work on my relationship, but today A messaged me asking when we can game. I told him to please respect the space I asked for and that I would reach out when I’m ready (with my boyfriends consent).
I wanted to transparent with my boyfriend tonight so when he got off work I let him know that A reached out to me and it seemed to make him upset. He did the whole thing he did before sayinf he was going to get female friends specifixay one named Staceyfrom work whom I’ve never even heard of!!
Its just frustratinf. Sometimes I wonder if I just let go of this one thing we could be happy and I could get married and have kids, besides this one thing hes really great to me.
Would someone more "submissive" be better for him? I’m starting to wonder if maybe we just don’t mesh together because of this one thing - but isnt that stupid to throw a whole relationship away?
Please be kind, only constructive advice - I’m open to all perspectives but I just ask that you be kind
Thank you
Edit: read what the automod said, please ignore any "is this okay" questions but I did try to delete them already - just looking for advice!
2024.05.16 06:51 Outrageous_Cycle4013 Did anyone else go from really social, to not saying a word to people?
I went through a period in my life where I was completely desperate for friendship. I tried everything I could to get along with people. Pretending to be very confident, joining in people's conversations and talking more than normal about anything just to appear more social.
Then in the last year I just shut down completely because what I was doing wasn't working. People still didn't like who I was, and still saw I had no confidence and was always nervous despite acting confident on the outside. So now I'm back to my old teenager self, that would not talk to anyone, stare at the ground, and be angry all the time from everyone ignoring me.
Still bad in both situations but at least I don't get my hopes shattered in the second scenario? Wondering if anyone has gone through a phase like this and then realized they can't change who they are.
submitted by Outrageous_Cycle4013 to lonely [link] [comments]
Then in the last year I just shut down completely because what I was doing wasn't working. People still didn't like who I was, and still saw I had no confidence and was always nervous despite acting confident on the outside. So now I'm back to my old teenager self, that would not talk to anyone, stare at the ground, and be angry all the time from everyone ignoring me.
Still bad in both situations but at least I don't get my hopes shattered in the second scenario? Wondering if anyone has gone through a phase like this and then realized they can't change who they are.
2024.05.16 06:30 Salty_Relief9690 37m looking for friends and late night chats
Hello! I'm Nate, I'm 37 and am looking for friendship or anyone to talk to throughout the day and late at night.
Ive gone through some pretty shitty things in life recently and just wanting someone to either discuss it all with or distract me from it.
We can talk about whatever but I'm into video games, most music, TV shows, movies, cars, dogs, and space. DM me if youre bored at work like I am.
submitted by Salty_Relief9690 to makingfriends [link] [comments]
Ive gone through some pretty shitty things in life recently and just wanting someone to either discuss it all with or distract me from it.
We can talk about whatever but I'm into video games, most music, TV shows, movies, cars, dogs, and space. DM me if youre bored at work like I am.
2024.05.16 06:18 J0E_Blow Is there a wall of understand past which our simple brains will never make it past?
We can only do our best, and that's gone pretty well so far. Brains that were really only designed for survival and mating later went on to discover the Higgs Boson and DNAIs there a limit or wall past which we can't understand any further?
A cat can learn what fish is and what some basic words means, just as a dog can associate words with commands. But neither dogs nor cats will (in our lifetimes) understand what it means to cuddle something REALLY REALLY tightly because it's just *SO* cute- they'll never understand concepts like cuteness. Or other complex topics like philosophy or astrophysics.
Is there a wall of understanding that our brains; which are evolved/designed for things such as mating, finding food and surviving (fighting wars)... Will never make it past?
Will technology like computers help us make it over these hurdles of understanding?
2024.05.16 05:59 Salty_Relief9690 37m looking for friends and late night chats
Hello! I'm Nate, I'm 37 and am looking for friendship or anyone to talk to throughout the day and late at night.
Ive gone through some pretty shitty things in life recently and just wanting someone to either discuss it all with or distract me from it.
We can talk about whatever but I'm into video games, most music, TV shows, movies, cars, dogs, and space. DM me if youre bored at work like I am.
submitted by Salty_Relief9690 to friendship [link] [comments]
Ive gone through some pretty shitty things in life recently and just wanting someone to either discuss it all with or distract me from it.
We can talk about whatever but I'm into video games, most music, TV shows, movies, cars, dogs, and space. DM me if youre bored at work like I am.
2024.05.16 05:54 throwaway-10-02-23 I wish I were attractive, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong...
I'm a college-aged woman looking for men, and I'm in a male-dominated major. I don't know what I'm doing wrong... I smile, I have straight teeth, I keep myself groomed. I'm not toned but not overweight (by BMI, body fat percentage, and waist circumference) because I go to the gym. I don't have a lot of acne, acne scars, or discoloration. I act confident in public and smile at people, but I can't remember the last time someone complimented me on my appearance. This includes my relatives and their facebook friends.
I really wish someone would find me attractive. I had only one serious boyfriend in my entire life which I find embarrassing. I've had very little luck with dating apps (one I didn't even get a single match on!!) and even when I've gone out and asked guys if I can sit with them, I get shot down. I've never had someone offer to buy me a drink or been catcalled. The only person I confirmed had a romantic interest in me literally harassed me so much so that I almost reported him to title 9 before he left the college.
I don't think my personality is the problem either- I have no problem making and keeping friends, my longest friendship is from the start of college. (I came from a very tiny high school, like 50 kids in my graduating class, and didn't really click with anyone there.)
I just wish I knew why I'm so ugly when I'm on the dating apps and talking to people... most of my friends have had at least 2-4 serious relationships by now, or at least been flirted with. I legitimately cannot remember anyone besides the title 9 guy ever trying to flirt or shoot their shot with me. I've shot my own shot with dudes and been rejected plenty of times, too. I just want someone to find me attractive.
submitted by throwaway-10-02-23 to offmychest [link] [comments]
I really wish someone would find me attractive. I had only one serious boyfriend in my entire life which I find embarrassing. I've had very little luck with dating apps (one I didn't even get a single match on!!) and even when I've gone out and asked guys if I can sit with them, I get shot down. I've never had someone offer to buy me a drink or been catcalled. The only person I confirmed had a romantic interest in me literally harassed me so much so that I almost reported him to title 9 before he left the college.
I don't think my personality is the problem either- I have no problem making and keeping friends, my longest friendship is from the start of college. (I came from a very tiny high school, like 50 kids in my graduating class, and didn't really click with anyone there.)
I just wish I knew why I'm so ugly when I'm on the dating apps and talking to people... most of my friends have had at least 2-4 serious relationships by now, or at least been flirted with. I legitimately cannot remember anyone besides the title 9 guy ever trying to flirt or shoot their shot with me. I've shot my own shot with dudes and been rejected plenty of times, too. I just want someone to find me attractive.
2024.05.16 05:52 urleastfavgingr made some eras inspired earrings!
 | the record store i work at has a lot of consignment items that people from our town make/sell or just give to my boss to get stuff off their hands. last year before the eras tour, my boss walked in to me making a ton of friendship bracelets and asked if i’d be interested in selling some for the store too under a “brand” name (something simple, an inside joke w my boss and i) just little things like ‘shop local, steal corporate’, ‘stay weird’, the shop name, etc. submitted by urleastfavgingr to SwiftieMerch [link] [comments] well,, long story short (ha), i started making earrings last month as well! i have a lot that are just stones, but i really wanted to show off my era-themed ones to you guys first! i pull all the beads from a random tupperware bin FULL of beads, so this is what i came up with!! i’m pretty proud of them :) if you guys have any other ideas, let me know! |
2024.05.16 05:39 turquoiseanswers I’m really struggling to love my faith again like I used to.
I was a homeschooled only child, raised in a QAnon/conspiracy theorist household. It was just a recipe for disaster, and I’ve slowly been trying to put the pieces together to figure things out.
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd wearing a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but we’re still Facebook friends and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on dates with 5 men, and didn’t make it past a second date with any of them. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
I don’t know if this is from trauma, but I don’t feel attraction to most guys in real life. I know I’m straight because I definitely have a type in my head. Kind hearted, athletic and muscular but not overly so, fluffy hair and just cuddly and sweet gentle and wholesome. I feel shallow that I’m mostly only attracted to that, but I can’t help it.
I just don’t feel safe with meeting new people, fearing that I’ll accidentally bring someone damaging into my life that I can’t get rid of. Someone who doesn’t have the best intentions, and I struggle to hurt feelings by turning people down. What if we do get into a relationship, and I find out he has a belief that’s a deal breaker for me? I’m afraid I’ll temporarily tolerate something that will inevitably lead to us separating, but I’m too spineless to end things when I should. It’s mostly because I don’t know how to say no, but also because I’d fear landing back at square one, single and alone.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
Most of my prayers now are an endless cycle of “please forgive me, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I don’t feel like praying but I promise I still love You.” I feel awful saying this because I know it’s not true but I do feel unloved sometimes. Like I feel like I’m annoying Jesus somehow when I babble on about whatever thing I’m distraught about. But if I go through the default prayer order of Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and THEN finally Supplication, it feels insincere. I don’t want to speed through worshipful prayers just to get to the part I really feel like doing, begging for some sort of help. But I feel almost obligated to essentially suck up to God first before saying what I really mean. That doesn’t feel like a real honest relationship to me and it’s a rut I’ve been desperate to get out of.
Every January 1st and every birthday, for probably the past good 5 or 6 years, I’ve started a “One Year Bible” plan that I always end up abandoning after like 10 days. I just can’t stick to it. It’s not even strictly Genesis-Revelation order. It sprinkles in some chapters from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs every day, and each day takes maybe 15 minutes max to do. But somehow I always miss a day, then never catch up, saying I’ll try again the next “landmark day,” January 1st or my birthday, whichever comes next. I don’t know why I can’t love reading scripture. I want to so badly, but I don’t crave it unless I’ve had a nightmare and I need something to calm me down. It’s not a daily desire for me and I wish it was.
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted any and everything I was told, and it created a clueless, confused adult.
submitted by turquoiseanswers to OpenChristian [link] [comments]
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd wearing a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but we’re still Facebook friends and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on dates with 5 men, and didn’t make it past a second date with any of them. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
I don’t know if this is from trauma, but I don’t feel attraction to most guys in real life. I know I’m straight because I definitely have a type in my head. Kind hearted, athletic and muscular but not overly so, fluffy hair and just cuddly and sweet gentle and wholesome. I feel shallow that I’m mostly only attracted to that, but I can’t help it.
I just don’t feel safe with meeting new people, fearing that I’ll accidentally bring someone damaging into my life that I can’t get rid of. Someone who doesn’t have the best intentions, and I struggle to hurt feelings by turning people down. What if we do get into a relationship, and I find out he has a belief that’s a deal breaker for me? I’m afraid I’ll temporarily tolerate something that will inevitably lead to us separating, but I’m too spineless to end things when I should. It’s mostly because I don’t know how to say no, but also because I’d fear landing back at square one, single and alone.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
Most of my prayers now are an endless cycle of “please forgive me, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I don’t feel like praying but I promise I still love You.” I feel awful saying this because I know it’s not true but I do feel unloved sometimes. Like I feel like I’m annoying Jesus somehow when I babble on about whatever thing I’m distraught about. But if I go through the default prayer order of Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and THEN finally Supplication, it feels insincere. I don’t want to speed through worshipful prayers just to get to the part I really feel like doing, begging for some sort of help. But I feel almost obligated to essentially suck up to God first before saying what I really mean. That doesn’t feel like a real honest relationship to me and it’s a rut I’ve been desperate to get out of.
Every January 1st and every birthday, for probably the past good 5 or 6 years, I’ve started a “One Year Bible” plan that I always end up abandoning after like 10 days. I just can’t stick to it. It’s not even strictly Genesis-Revelation order. It sprinkles in some chapters from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs every day, and each day takes maybe 15 minutes max to do. But somehow I always miss a day, then never catch up, saying I’ll try again the next “landmark day,” January 1st or my birthday, whichever comes next. I don’t know why I can’t love reading scripture. I want to so badly, but I don’t crave it unless I’ve had a nightmare and I need something to calm me down. It’s not a daily desire for me and I wish it was.
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted any and everything I was told, and it created a clueless, confused adult.
2024.05.16 05:02 Okokokokok176 AITAH for quitting my job of two years because I suspect my boss is a pedo.
I 17f have been working at a company for over 2 years. Recently I have been really busy and I have a lot of stuff going on in my life. From high school graduation to injuries to sickness, you name it, it happened this past month. Some context: I am on antidepressants that make my immune system a little bit weaker than normal so I’m more prone to sicknesses and the only reason I stay on it is because it works like a charm my grandmother who is my legal guardian has been extremely busy for the past year because we adopted two little girls, her step-grandchildren. one of whom had gotten sexually assaulted. So she’s busy with court and therapy and everything for them. I lived with my grandmother and grandfather since I was 2 months old, all the way up until June of last year. this has been extremely hard on me as I have nowhere to direct my anger. I don’t wanna sound like a stuck up little brat, but I’ve always been an only child. This happened out of nowhere, and we was also told that they would only be there for five months max, it’s been over two years. I cannot direct my anger at those little girls because I’m not that kind of person and it is NOT their fault that they got sexually assaulted, I also cannot direct my anger at my grandmother or grandfather bc They were just trying to do a good thing and help these girls. However, I no longer get to go out on Saturday girls dates with my grandmother and my my grandfather never gets to take me fishing anymore. They are old and they will not be here much longer, I would love to spend my time with them, but I can’t because they are so busy. They didn’t even come to my senior prom Pictures.. i’ve been struggling on where to put my anger. Which has left me tremendously depressed and always angry and anxious. So excuse me if I don’t wanna work my shift a day. because I have no motivation. I literally feel like I lost my family. They were like my mother and father and it’s almost like they are just gone. Out of nowhere. As I mentioned, I’m also a senior in high school so I’m dealing with things from class night,senior sunrise, class night practice, graduation practice, baccalaureate, graduation, prom, and my birthday is May 27 but we are doing me a combined graduation party and birthday party on the 25th. I’m a busy girl these days. My grandmother as I mentioned is always busy so I don’t direct my anger towards her at all and I don’t want to sound like I’m being mean but I told her in December 2023 that my Therapy Place had appointments for me, one of which was my one year therapy assessment, my one year medicine assessment, and a nursing assessment, all of my Therapy Place would not let me schedule as I’m not 18 yet. I don’t know if she simply just forgot or just didn’t care, however I have slowly been running out of medicine and I am now taking 25 mg of a medicine that I’m supposed to be taking 150 mg of. This is the same medicine that causes me to be sick occasionally. it really happens whenever I take one and then forget to take one the next day so this drastic change of 150mg to 25mg in the span of 2 months has not been ideal. It’s making me sick and angry and sad and crazy. All of this has also been causing a lot of issues in my relationship with my boyfriend 18m. We’re arguing all the time and it’s not helping anything. So I have a lot going on. And yes, I have been calling out a lot, however, everything with graduation I told my ex boss about a MONTH ago. This is not new information. Out of NOWHERE he scheduled me to work around 40 hours (my normal hours are about 15-20 a week as I’m working on school and applying to colleges and focused on graduation ) However, today he feels the need to call me and explain to me in passive aggressive words how I am making his and everyone else’s life harder and saying a few other things which all equaled up to “your a big inconvenience for everyone” This alone really hurt as my boss and I always got along ok. He knew what I was going through but assumed I was a liar despite me being a manager for 2 years now and still felt the need to call me and tell me how much of a problem I am. I was honestly going to let this slide and work my last shift and then tell him not to put me on the schedule anymore. But this is when I called my best friend for advice! Then she proceeds to tell me, my boss and another female coworker were stalking my social media accounts to see if I was really hurt. ( I had an ankle injury caused by tripping over my dress walking out of prom.) And I’m not going to lie to you. I really really really hurt my ankle. I was wearing a boot. I have been cooped up in the house for about a week and a half and I was sick and tired of it. My sister and her boyfriend and my boyfriend were all over and we decided we want to go to topgolf. I figured I had rested enough and I was really eager to get out of the house. I got all dressed up and was wearing my boot as we went into Topgolf! Only to find out that we had to be 21 or older to go past the certain time. We tried to get our older siblings to come, but they were busy! I had gotten all dressed up for the first time in a while and I wanted to take some Instagram pictures. That way it didn’t feel like I got dressed up for nothing. I took my boot off and slipped a regular shoe on as I didn’t want to wear a big ass boot in my instagram photos. The girls that get it get it! In all of these pictures, I either have my hurt foot up off of the ground or I am holding it up equal to my knee. Because as I said it really hurt. So I posted my pictures and all was fine. I also made a few tick-tock‘s. Well apparently both of these actions were illegal. As my boss and his suck up of a coworker felt the need to stalk my social media to see if I was lying I guess. You can check the images yourself on instagram at @molleigh_1 After I found this out, I texted my boss as follows:
Ok, I was gonna let the whole “ passive aggressively calling me an inconvenience” thing slide, however i just don’t understand why you and Alana feel the need to search up my social media accounts and see what I’m doing but if you must know my instagram pictures were taken while my boot was off because I didn’t want to wear a big boot in my pictures. My boot was still in the car. If you look closely in the pictures you can see that I am leaning my weight on my good foot and have my bad foot either up in the air or I am not fully stepping on it. I also didn’t know it was illegal to post videos of myself on tiktok when I’m sick, that’s New info to me. I also just talked to my best friend who did not know about my foot injury, just told her about it. You can come ask my entire family if you’d like. They have seen me walking around the house in a boot. It’s not fair to assume I’m a liar as you weren’t there. You can’t tell if I’m in pain from a picture or video. it’s weird that you guys are looking up my accounts. That’s honestly creepy. Now that my parents and I know this creepy, unsettling information I will not be working that last shift, (I’m not allowed) you all can go stalk other people! If you feel the need to reply or have anything to say, you can contact (My dads number) Have the day you deserve, and goodbye.
Here’s the reasoning behind why he’s a creep: - 40 yr old man who only hires teen girls. -Would always show up 5 mins after my shift started claiming he had work to do but then would sit in the office with me just to try and chat. - anytime he would arrive I would simply move my things out of the office and set out by the serving area to which he would say “ I didn’t kick you out you can come sit back here with me” - gave me sexual looks more than one time. - places security cameras in odd places such as facing the backs of his workers so he can look at their asses I’m guessing ( it’s not just one camera it’s all of them) - there’s been claims of him sexually assaulting his workers in the past (just found this out) from a previous coworker who was told this by someone who worked at a different location of the company -multiple workers have quit because they felt uncomfortable around him.
Am I the a hole? Did I do the right thing? Am I just being dramatic and overcomplicating this? Help!
submitted by Okokokokok176 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Ok, I was gonna let the whole “ passive aggressively calling me an inconvenience” thing slide, however i just don’t understand why you and Alana feel the need to search up my social media accounts and see what I’m doing but if you must know my instagram pictures were taken while my boot was off because I didn’t want to wear a big boot in my pictures. My boot was still in the car. If you look closely in the pictures you can see that I am leaning my weight on my good foot and have my bad foot either up in the air or I am not fully stepping on it. I also didn’t know it was illegal to post videos of myself on tiktok when I’m sick, that’s New info to me. I also just talked to my best friend who did not know about my foot injury, just told her about it. You can come ask my entire family if you’d like. They have seen me walking around the house in a boot. It’s not fair to assume I’m a liar as you weren’t there. You can’t tell if I’m in pain from a picture or video. it’s weird that you guys are looking up my accounts. That’s honestly creepy. Now that my parents and I know this creepy, unsettling information I will not be working that last shift, (I’m not allowed) you all can go stalk other people! If you feel the need to reply or have anything to say, you can contact (My dads number) Have the day you deserve, and goodbye.
Here’s the reasoning behind why he’s a creep: - 40 yr old man who only hires teen girls. -Would always show up 5 mins after my shift started claiming he had work to do but then would sit in the office with me just to try and chat. - anytime he would arrive I would simply move my things out of the office and set out by the serving area to which he would say “ I didn’t kick you out you can come sit back here with me” - gave me sexual looks more than one time. - places security cameras in odd places such as facing the backs of his workers so he can look at their asses I’m guessing ( it’s not just one camera it’s all of them) - there’s been claims of him sexually assaulting his workers in the past (just found this out) from a previous coworker who was told this by someone who worked at a different location of the company -multiple workers have quit because they felt uncomfortable around him.
Am I the a hole? Did I do the right thing? Am I just being dramatic and overcomplicating this? Help!
2024.05.16 05:01 NonHappySisyphus i’m (20f) in a relationship with a man (22m) but i really want to be with a woman
i’ve never been with a woman, i’ve never loved a woman romantically, i’ve never had any type of relationship with women except for friendship. i know i’m bisexual, i really like women and i feel that i want to be with women, i want to love a woman, i want to kiss a woman.
but i love my boyfriend, and i know he loves me too, deeply. i don’t know what to do because i don’t want to die without having experienced loving a woman, but i also don’t want to break up with my boyfriend, because we have a great relationship and i love him and i like him too.
has anyone gone through this? what should i do?
submitted by NonHappySisyphus to bisexual [link] [comments]
but i love my boyfriend, and i know he loves me too, deeply. i don’t know what to do because i don’t want to die without having experienced loving a woman, but i also don’t want to break up with my boyfriend, because we have a great relationship and i love him and i like him too.
has anyone gone through this? what should i do?
2024.05.16 04:56 Far_Reindeer3003 Nobody cares about me, I 23F hate it and love it at the same time
I’ve had better years. I (23F) knew it was going to be a bad one when my new year’s plans changed. I was supposed to spend it with my boyfriend. Early December a close family member of his died, he wound up spending new year’s with his family. I get it, I wasn’t mad, but I knew our relationship wouldn’t last when he canceled. I gave him space and time. But he began ignoring my messages and calls and in February I broke it off, saying I’m still here but it’s no longer fair to me, to send me a message if he still wants to be in contact. I never heard from him. It sucks because it was going so well.
During this time I tried reaching out to friends only to find out, they didn’t care. I was ignored by them too. But, at least I had my coworkers. Most of the time we talk about work but they are all friendly people and we get along well. I live with my parents, and they gave up conversation with me.
Besides the “Hi, how was your day?”
“It was good, what about you?”
“Good.”
We don’t have much to say. I try to initiate conversation but often ends with them sticking their face in their phone, or giving an acknowledging grunt. It was nice to talk to my coworkers about what was going on in my life, because they would actually listen. But early April I was laid off. Now? I really don’t have anyone. I’ve been in this situation before.
My entire life I have been ignored by the people around me. I’ve never had a friendship last more than 5 years, and it sucks. I try to be a good friend but in the end it never seems worth it.
A “friend” of mine was recently engaged. She actually asked me to be a bridesmaid. I know I just complained about not having anyone in my life, but she needed another bridesmaid for the groomsmen! I don’t mind being the fill in, and I’m happy I have the chance to be one since I never thought I would be. Well, she invited me to a venue event to browse all the options (floral, music, catering etc.) with her fiancé and parents.
This was the moment I found out nobody cares about me. I was walking around looking at all the engaged couples and thought “if I made a fool of myself nobody would even notice!” they’re too into the other person and the event to care what I was doing. I do have a sense of freedom with this now.
I signed up for a motorcycle class, concerts, EMT class, put a deposit down for skydiving and I’m JUST getting started. I was considering joining the national guard because, if I was in a dangerous situation, or deployed who would care if I was gone? At least I’d meet new people and have a sense of purpose and even learn new skills. Part of me is glad I’m not cared about, but most of me wishes I had someone to share my excitement with.
Edit: I’ve had family say “I wish I could do what you do” referring to going out on my own to do things I want to do. I hate it. I’m going alone because I have nobody to go with me.
submitted by Far_Reindeer3003 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
During this time I tried reaching out to friends only to find out, they didn’t care. I was ignored by them too. But, at least I had my coworkers. Most of the time we talk about work but they are all friendly people and we get along well. I live with my parents, and they gave up conversation with me.
Besides the “Hi, how was your day?”
“It was good, what about you?”
“Good.”
We don’t have much to say. I try to initiate conversation but often ends with them sticking their face in their phone, or giving an acknowledging grunt. It was nice to talk to my coworkers about what was going on in my life, because they would actually listen. But early April I was laid off. Now? I really don’t have anyone. I’ve been in this situation before.
My entire life I have been ignored by the people around me. I’ve never had a friendship last more than 5 years, and it sucks. I try to be a good friend but in the end it never seems worth it.
A “friend” of mine was recently engaged. She actually asked me to be a bridesmaid. I know I just complained about not having anyone in my life, but she needed another bridesmaid for the groomsmen! I don’t mind being the fill in, and I’m happy I have the chance to be one since I never thought I would be. Well, she invited me to a venue event to browse all the options (floral, music, catering etc.) with her fiancé and parents.
This was the moment I found out nobody cares about me. I was walking around looking at all the engaged couples and thought “if I made a fool of myself nobody would even notice!” they’re too into the other person and the event to care what I was doing. I do have a sense of freedom with this now.
I signed up for a motorcycle class, concerts, EMT class, put a deposit down for skydiving and I’m JUST getting started. I was considering joining the national guard because, if I was in a dangerous situation, or deployed who would care if I was gone? At least I’d meet new people and have a sense of purpose and even learn new skills. Part of me is glad I’m not cared about, but most of me wishes I had someone to share my excitement with.
Edit: I’ve had family say “I wish I could do what you do” referring to going out on my own to do things I want to do. I hate it. I’m going alone because I have nobody to go with me.
2024.05.16 04:38 sLow_Revolution6444 Help please
I got my first beta fish in March and since then he has had a strange sort of swelling on his lower right chin. After doing an aquarium salt, treatment for a while with him the redness went away and swelling reduced. Overtime and water changes. The salinity of his tank slowly dropped. He’s been doing really really well for several weeks in his new planted tank, a recycled heavily planted 10 gallon tank with filtration and heater that I purchased off of someone local. It has dwarf grass, a couple of Java ferns and two snails in it. All of my parameters seem to be met and things have been going really well. The swelling started again though. The same day for the very first time he left from his tank and landed about four or 5 feet from the kitchen counter directly on the floor. I did not see him jump, but someone who happened to be here helping me with something did thankfully. I tried to get him into the tank quickly without hurting him and he seemed pretty shook up but Continued acting relatively normal the next few days. I let him calm down from the incident and the following day, I moved him into a heated hospital tank so I would not kill the plants and snails in the cycled tank with an aquarium salt treatment. I’ve also begun using kanaplex antibiotic by Seachem. My fish, despite the aquarium salt and the antibiotic is progressively worsening. The swelling has not gone down, and he now has severe Popeye, along with an inflamed gill, and he can no longer keep himself balanced/his equilibrium in the tank, which makes me worry that he struggling to get air. He’s also stopped eating about Three days ago except for two thawed blood worms about two days ago.
I really don’t know what to do for him, and I am scared that he is just going to suffer and suffer until and I really don’t know what to do for him, and I am scared that he is just going to suffer and suffer until an inevitable death. I do not want to euthanize him, but I’m struggling to know how to help him with what seems to be an underlying condition paired with severe trauma from his fall. Admittedly, as much time and energy as I have spent on trying to give him a wonderful life, I am woefully inexperienced, and an online vet said I could try to feed him by hand, but it might be difficult… Along with everything else that I’m trying, and he seems to be worsening despite all of my efforts. I just don’t know what to do right now…
submitted by sLow_Revolution6444 to bettafish [link] [comments]
I really don’t know what to do for him, and I am scared that he is just going to suffer and suffer until and I really don’t know what to do for him, and I am scared that he is just going to suffer and suffer until an inevitable death. I do not want to euthanize him, but I’m struggling to know how to help him with what seems to be an underlying condition paired with severe trauma from his fall. Admittedly, as much time and energy as I have spent on trying to give him a wonderful life, I am woefully inexperienced, and an online vet said I could try to feed him by hand, but it might be difficult… Along with everything else that I’m trying, and he seems to be worsening despite all of my efforts. I just don’t know what to do right now…
2024.05.16 04:24 Odd-Hand-2026 New Eurasia = magog / Masai when they hated them is prob was true at that time these mixes were prob new (same way i hate the ones now… its the fraud) I’m def NOT Blasian wayyyyy different estate. So when Chris BROWN prob said I’m not Asian its a joke.. I’m MORE asian..
their is no caucasian without a Asian.. a blasian is sex magic.. its an inferior race .. thats what they koreans prob didn’t like.. Labor class.. but understand the sea is important “lil faith” some soul and not to take from the sea all the time because the sea needs rest.. this is why fish of doom came up.. they need enough time to rest. it must rest or it cant replenish.. don’t bring AA , industry or chaos to the SEA.. if you wanna preserve this earth. Warning from nature was given.. i urge warning why because I don’t recommend any planets giving you refuge if you destroy this one.. their is no great figure of note who is fcking blasian.. you become apart of a tree for the ONE sent.. but in my case we only are from sea and old races of Natives that are or have been dying. Every race of people i am i only saw in pictures by the time I came they were dying out/gone. The Mystery of what it means. God has prepared a table in the presence of my enemies. NOT MY FRIEND MY ENEMIES. People not off you to stop their plans or ignorance.. The warning from God is to be careful to show hospitality for you may entertain angels in DISGUISE!! Also My ancestors look nothing like me in defilement (for the blend in…and we not talking that far back .. but those who stayed to their own people in SEA are actually oldest its why they richer than Major who’s fights ascension battles cost way more.. and dayum near impossible.. they usually get the inferior colbalt.. the Fake. But those you looking down upon from the Sea 🌊 this is the oldest group of Eurasians. (N ⚪️) (M ⚫️ 🙋🏽♀️) R = 🇮🇳 men (Y). Crazy rich Asians = SEA people.. they should not mix with anyone . Unless they trying come up and what be Asian major but it will be a different element (elemental) and a cost.. their is some new ones formed I posted one couple both parents are models.. they are in right order .. whatever they doing .. Asian major can not mix with anyone .. its the black Indian man Cushitic that mixed with Nymphs from the sea . Not no neegas .. AA’s bring Choas and destruction . This is not a good idea.. ID but be reclaimed in Saturn return..
submitted by Odd-Hand-2026 to TartarianAR [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 04:11 shelegit5674 Dude called me "old" looking LOL 🤣
Not entirely sure why I care but yesterday I started chatting with this dude on reddit. Turns out he's 29- I'm in my late 30's. At that point I took the convo in a friendship lane and called him my "wingman" because that's too damn young. Anyways, we exchanged pics. Keep in mind, I was feeling extra pretty that day. My hair was out, lipstick on , mascara etc.. because I had gone out earlier. And you know what this dude says 🤣 ???
"You look old." 💀💀💀 i was DEAD. Like talk about humble pie.
Now I'm just kinda laughing about it. Like it is kinda funny. We all get old, and one day his dumb ass will be 40 too. People have always told me i look younger than my age so it came as a surprise. Not sure what the lesson is behind all this. And yes, I know, I have no business chatting with a kid. I've just been super lonely and bored after a recent breakup.
submitted by shelegit5674 to TwoXIndia [link] [comments]
"You look old." 💀💀💀 i was DEAD. Like talk about humble pie.
Now I'm just kinda laughing about it. Like it is kinda funny. We all get old, and one day his dumb ass will be 40 too. People have always told me i look younger than my age so it came as a surprise. Not sure what the lesson is behind all this. And yes, I know, I have no business chatting with a kid. I've just been super lonely and bored after a recent breakup.
2024.05.16 04:01 MakeMeUrAltar To the Ken I will never ever have.
This account is not for vulnerability but let me be vulnerable once in a while because it fucking hurts so much. "In the Stars" by Benson Boone keeps on repeat, I want to wallow myself in sadness and tears even just for a while until I accepted the fact that you're gone, FOR REAL.
Remember June 2012 when I decided to change career, the career that I am passionate. You're welcoming freshman, transferees and unit earners that time, naisip ko na lang bigla "Ay!Shuding ites!" because your feminine side was screaming, but boy I was wrong personality mo lang talaga pala yun. You're a 3rd year student, and I was a 2nd year irregular student that time. May mga subjects kayo na nakuha ko kasi masyado kong inoverload ang sarili ko non since I wanted to finish it as much as possible, masyado akong nagdwell sa pressure na I am getting older to have my dream career. I never thought na magiging kaklase kita given na magkaiba tayo ng major, nasa English ka, nasa Mathematics naman ako. Sinasabi nila whenever your block has someone new you entertain them dahil ayaw mo na naoOP (out of place) sila, which is doon lahat nagstart.
From chikka to talking to being my confidant. Maraming nangyari sa buhay natin non, hindi natin akalain na yung mga vacant periods ko is magiging vacant periods mo din noon kaya kahit magkaiba ang major natin we still have the time catch-up, exchange ideas and even help one another sa mga plans for the school activities. And then June 2013 came, you even asked me kung pwepwede ba akong sumali sa organization ninyo for our department dahil you love may suggestions and even you admire my creativity (pakulo) sa department natin. I said yes, kahit wala akong bilib noon sa sarili ko, you were running for President and I am for Vice-President. At sa di inaasahang pagkakataon, tayong dalawa yung napasama sa organization na yun. Alam mo mga panahon na yun, nagkakaroon na ako ng tiwala sa sarili ko kasi kaya ko pala. Doon pa lang ang laki na ng pasasalamat ko sayo kasi ikaw yung naging bridge towards what I am now. Sa tambalan natin, doon naimpress at naging active ang department natin dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa nating mga trip. Perfect couple nga daw kung magiging tayo man, but we were committed that time kaya we respect our boundaries.
Halos malapit na ang graduation non, so I have to handle most of the task. Nahirapan but still you find time to help me kahit yung pumunta sa bahay namin in the middle of the night para lang matapos yung mga reports and plans. Halos ikaw na nga ang kilala ng nanay ko na bf ko that time, tinawanan lang natin 'to. In that short amount of time, we've became bestfriends. Graduation mo noon, I even gave you flowers to congratulate you hindi mo ineexpect pero kinilig ka. First time nilang makakita ng babae ang nagbibigay ng flower sa lalaki. Though, you were busy having your career you consistently checking-up on me, there was no single day na hindi mo ako itetext, and sharing your life for that day. That's when I knew I am falling for you but I choose our friendship over that petty feelings.
Busy tayo having our own careers pero we do friendly dates, and a lot of sharing life updates. One night, you called and was crying, I knew something was up, so, pinapunta kita sa bahay to tell me everything. Nabuntis mo yung gf mo that time and wala kang magawa kundi pakasalan yung gf mo. There's a lot in your mind pero comfort ko lang yung ibinigay sayo and a few solutions. The day of your wedding came, wala akong ganap pero I attended dahil you requested na umattend ako. I wouldn't miss the wedding of my bestfriend. Tinawag ka ng parents mo para you'll walk down the aisle na pero that time you choose to hug me and say this fucking word that put me into tears during your wedding and my "what ifs" for months. "Alam mo bang mahal na kita simula pa nung niligawan kita to be the Vice-President of our org? Sorry hindi ko inamin because I choose to respect our boundaries and commitment, pinangako ko na bago ako pumasok sa buhay kong ito masabi ko man lang yan sayo."
After that, we parted ways, iniwasan na kita as much as possible because you have to divert you feelings for me to your wife and to your kids and masaya ako na you're building your dream family with her, having you career and such. The last hug I received from you was nung dumalaw ako at nasa hospital ka pa. Telling me pagod ka na and you wanted to rest, I cried, I wanted to confess everything to you but I heldback. Nakakapangsisi pala no? Alam ko nasa gilid kita ngayon para icheck 'tong letter ko sayo. Please hug me because I do not know what to do - selfish, I know pero paano ko 'to tatanggapin? Ngayon alam kong alam mo na ngayon kung ano nararamdaman ko para sayo, na hindi ko na masasabi ito ng buhay ka pa. Albeit it fucking hurts but the thought of no more sufferings na for you, makes me at ease. Guide your loved ones Ken until we meet again. I love you!
submitted by MakeMeUrAltar to PinoyUnsentLetters [link] [comments]
Remember June 2012 when I decided to change career, the career that I am passionate. You're welcoming freshman, transferees and unit earners that time, naisip ko na lang bigla "Ay!Shuding ites!" because your feminine side was screaming, but boy I was wrong personality mo lang talaga pala yun. You're a 3rd year student, and I was a 2nd year irregular student that time. May mga subjects kayo na nakuha ko kasi masyado kong inoverload ang sarili ko non since I wanted to finish it as much as possible, masyado akong nagdwell sa pressure na I am getting older to have my dream career. I never thought na magiging kaklase kita given na magkaiba tayo ng major, nasa English ka, nasa Mathematics naman ako. Sinasabi nila whenever your block has someone new you entertain them dahil ayaw mo na naoOP (out of place) sila, which is doon lahat nagstart.
From chikka to talking to being my confidant. Maraming nangyari sa buhay natin non, hindi natin akalain na yung mga vacant periods ko is magiging vacant periods mo din noon kaya kahit magkaiba ang major natin we still have the time catch-up, exchange ideas and even help one another sa mga plans for the school activities. And then June 2013 came, you even asked me kung pwepwede ba akong sumali sa organization ninyo for our department dahil you love may suggestions and even you admire my creativity (pakulo) sa department natin. I said yes, kahit wala akong bilib noon sa sarili ko, you were running for President and I am for Vice-President. At sa di inaasahang pagkakataon, tayong dalawa yung napasama sa organization na yun. Alam mo mga panahon na yun, nagkakaroon na ako ng tiwala sa sarili ko kasi kaya ko pala. Doon pa lang ang laki na ng pasasalamat ko sayo kasi ikaw yung naging bridge towards what I am now. Sa tambalan natin, doon naimpress at naging active ang department natin dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa nating mga trip. Perfect couple nga daw kung magiging tayo man, but we were committed that time kaya we respect our boundaries.
Halos malapit na ang graduation non, so I have to handle most of the task. Nahirapan but still you find time to help me kahit yung pumunta sa bahay namin in the middle of the night para lang matapos yung mga reports and plans. Halos ikaw na nga ang kilala ng nanay ko na bf ko that time, tinawanan lang natin 'to. In that short amount of time, we've became bestfriends. Graduation mo noon, I even gave you flowers to congratulate you hindi mo ineexpect pero kinilig ka. First time nilang makakita ng babae ang nagbibigay ng flower sa lalaki. Though, you were busy having your career you consistently checking-up on me, there was no single day na hindi mo ako itetext, and sharing your life for that day. That's when I knew I am falling for you but I choose our friendship over that petty feelings.
Busy tayo having our own careers pero we do friendly dates, and a lot of sharing life updates. One night, you called and was crying, I knew something was up, so, pinapunta kita sa bahay to tell me everything. Nabuntis mo yung gf mo that time and wala kang magawa kundi pakasalan yung gf mo. There's a lot in your mind pero comfort ko lang yung ibinigay sayo and a few solutions. The day of your wedding came, wala akong ganap pero I attended dahil you requested na umattend ako. I wouldn't miss the wedding of my bestfriend. Tinawag ka ng parents mo para you'll walk down the aisle na pero that time you choose to hug me and say this fucking word that put me into tears during your wedding and my "what ifs" for months. "Alam mo bang mahal na kita simula pa nung niligawan kita to be the Vice-President of our org? Sorry hindi ko inamin because I choose to respect our boundaries and commitment, pinangako ko na bago ako pumasok sa buhay kong ito masabi ko man lang yan sayo."
After that, we parted ways, iniwasan na kita as much as possible because you have to divert you feelings for me to your wife and to your kids and masaya ako na you're building your dream family with her, having you career and such. The last hug I received from you was nung dumalaw ako at nasa hospital ka pa. Telling me pagod ka na and you wanted to rest, I cried, I wanted to confess everything to you but I heldback. Nakakapangsisi pala no? Alam ko nasa gilid kita ngayon para icheck 'tong letter ko sayo. Please hug me because I do not know what to do - selfish, I know pero paano ko 'to tatanggapin? Ngayon alam kong alam mo na ngayon kung ano nararamdaman ko para sayo, na hindi ko na masasabi ito ng buhay ka pa. Albeit it fucking hurts but the thought of no more sufferings na for you, makes me at ease. Guide your loved ones Ken until we meet again. I love you!
2024.05.16 04:00 joanarcherknight MerMay - Nebula
Light reflected off the scales, reflecting a shimmer of rainbow colours. Even the sand that clung to the scales couldn’t dim the intricate swirl of light that the sunlight revealed on the black scales.
Water was spilled over the scales, washing away the sand to reveal the colours more clearly. There was no movement from the tail, nor the rest of the body.
“What is it?” He whispered.
“Some kind of fish.” His friend whispered back.
“It’s got a face.”
“Everything has a face.”
He gave his friend a look and lifted the seaweed from the head of the creature. “Does this look like a normal fish face to you?”
“I never said it looked normal.”
“It’s got arms.”
“So… it’s an otter. Otter fish… Fish otter…”
Laughter exploded from the two boys. They fell back in the sand, distracted for a moment from the thing that had washed up on the shore. The mix of animal was just too funny for them to ignore.
“A otter fish. What is wrong with you?”
“So many things.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Well, if you’re so smart, you tell me what it is then.”
They leaned back over the thing, studying its form. Scales ran from the end of the tail to the upper torso. There were two limbs from the top of the torso, but they didn’t reach very far. And a head.
It looked too close to a human shaped head for them to be comfortable, but the face was flat and grey, like the skin that wasn’t covered by the scales. No nose that they could really see, and seaweed was the only covering where hair was supposed to grow.
“Hey, open its mouth.”
“Excuse me?”
“Open its mouth. I wanna see if it has teeth.”
“You open it then!”
“I’m not touching that.”
“And you think I will?”
“You’re a lot braver than I am. You touch weird stuff all the time.”
“How about no one touches the weird thing’s mouth?”
The new voice startled them. They straightened, looking up and down the empty beach. It was still totally empty. And it would be for a few more months until the icy fingers of the wind were warmed by summer’s return.
“Down here.”
The eyes were black pools, no iris or pupil to be seen. They stared down at the creature, and the creature stared up at them. There was a scurry of movement from both the boys and the creature as they rushed away from each other.
It was ungainly on the shore and the boys reached the dunes before the creature was halfway to the water. They crouched in the sand, watching the creature struggle. Its arms didn’t extend fully, and it had to drag itself bit by bit across the sand.
“Should we go and help it?”
“Did you hear it talking?”
“I mean… Yeah. That was the… thing, right?”
“I can’t talk in a voice that low. Can you?”
The boy shook his head in response.
“And it’s moving. Really… really slowly. Do you think it needs help?”
They turned to look at the creature, still dragging itself across the sand in agonisingly slow progress. Together, they made their way back down the beach, hands grasping at each other’s clothing.
“Do you need help?” They called out.
The creature stopped and twisted to look at them with the black pools that served as its eyes.
“We could see how slowly you were moving.” One of the boys said haltingly.
It turned back to its slow path to the waves, dragging itself forward again. Now that they were close, they could see that the arms were partially fused to the torso, stopping them from extending all the way.
The forearms were the only part that could move unencumbered. A trail was being carved in the sand by the creature’s tail, a clear marker of where it had been.
“Are you sure you don’t want help?”
Much like a wolf or dog on land, the creature’s lips curled back from its teeth, baring a row of sharp teeth. The boys scrambled back, struggling to stay upright in the sand.
“We don’t want to hurt you.” The braver boy snapped.
“How can I trust that?” The creature hissed, voice like a rumble of thunder.
There was a moment of hesitation before the second boy spoke up. “If we were going to hurt you, we would have done it while you were unconscious.”
“Some monsters like to hear the screams.”
He stepped closer and crouched down. “Please let us help you.”
“If you must.”
The skin was cold and clammy, like chicken that had gone slimy with age. The boys shuddered as they touched it, grasping the creature’s fused upper arms. There was so much weight.
They staggered through the sand, chasing the leaving tide. Wet sand grasped at their boots and water had begun to seep into their socks when they finally laid the creature back down on the sand.
Little rippling waves caressed her webbed fingers and she pulled herself eagerly forward, hissing as the water surrounded her. The boys scrambled back from the water, remembering tales of sharks in shallow water that could still whip round and take prey.
“We helped you.”
“And I won’t kill you.” The creature hissed.
And then it was gone. A flick of the tail and the beach was empty but for the two boys, and the trail that had been carved by the creature’s tail. The boys exchanged a look and continued their walk along the deserted sands, silence laying heavy between them.
submitted by joanarcherknight to InkForge [link] [comments]
Water was spilled over the scales, washing away the sand to reveal the colours more clearly. There was no movement from the tail, nor the rest of the body.
“What is it?” He whispered.
“Some kind of fish.” His friend whispered back.
“It’s got a face.”
“Everything has a face.”
He gave his friend a look and lifted the seaweed from the head of the creature. “Does this look like a normal fish face to you?”
“I never said it looked normal.”
“It’s got arms.”
“So… it’s an otter. Otter fish… Fish otter…”
Laughter exploded from the two boys. They fell back in the sand, distracted for a moment from the thing that had washed up on the shore. The mix of animal was just too funny for them to ignore.
“A otter fish. What is wrong with you?”
“So many things.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Well, if you’re so smart, you tell me what it is then.”
They leaned back over the thing, studying its form. Scales ran from the end of the tail to the upper torso. There were two limbs from the top of the torso, but they didn’t reach very far. And a head.
It looked too close to a human shaped head for them to be comfortable, but the face was flat and grey, like the skin that wasn’t covered by the scales. No nose that they could really see, and seaweed was the only covering where hair was supposed to grow.
“Hey, open its mouth.”
“Excuse me?”
“Open its mouth. I wanna see if it has teeth.”
“You open it then!”
“I’m not touching that.”
“And you think I will?”
“You’re a lot braver than I am. You touch weird stuff all the time.”
“How about no one touches the weird thing’s mouth?”
The new voice startled them. They straightened, looking up and down the empty beach. It was still totally empty. And it would be for a few more months until the icy fingers of the wind were warmed by summer’s return.
“Down here.”
The eyes were black pools, no iris or pupil to be seen. They stared down at the creature, and the creature stared up at them. There was a scurry of movement from both the boys and the creature as they rushed away from each other.
It was ungainly on the shore and the boys reached the dunes before the creature was halfway to the water. They crouched in the sand, watching the creature struggle. Its arms didn’t extend fully, and it had to drag itself bit by bit across the sand.
“Should we go and help it?”
“Did you hear it talking?”
“I mean… Yeah. That was the… thing, right?”
“I can’t talk in a voice that low. Can you?”
The boy shook his head in response.
“And it’s moving. Really… really slowly. Do you think it needs help?”
They turned to look at the creature, still dragging itself across the sand in agonisingly slow progress. Together, they made their way back down the beach, hands grasping at each other’s clothing.
“Do you need help?” They called out.
The creature stopped and twisted to look at them with the black pools that served as its eyes.
“We could see how slowly you were moving.” One of the boys said haltingly.
It turned back to its slow path to the waves, dragging itself forward again. Now that they were close, they could see that the arms were partially fused to the torso, stopping them from extending all the way.
The forearms were the only part that could move unencumbered. A trail was being carved in the sand by the creature’s tail, a clear marker of where it had been.
“Are you sure you don’t want help?”
Much like a wolf or dog on land, the creature’s lips curled back from its teeth, baring a row of sharp teeth. The boys scrambled back, struggling to stay upright in the sand.
“We don’t want to hurt you.” The braver boy snapped.
“How can I trust that?” The creature hissed, voice like a rumble of thunder.
There was a moment of hesitation before the second boy spoke up. “If we were going to hurt you, we would have done it while you were unconscious.”
“Some monsters like to hear the screams.”
He stepped closer and crouched down. “Please let us help you.”
“If you must.”
The skin was cold and clammy, like chicken that had gone slimy with age. The boys shuddered as they touched it, grasping the creature’s fused upper arms. There was so much weight.
They staggered through the sand, chasing the leaving tide. Wet sand grasped at their boots and water had begun to seep into their socks when they finally laid the creature back down on the sand.
Little rippling waves caressed her webbed fingers and she pulled herself eagerly forward, hissing as the water surrounded her. The boys scrambled back from the water, remembering tales of sharks in shallow water that could still whip round and take prey.
“We helped you.”
“And I won’t kill you.” The creature hissed.
And then it was gone. A flick of the tail and the beach was empty but for the two boys, and the trail that had been carved by the creature’s tail. The boys exchanged a look and continued their walk along the deserted sands, silence laying heavy between them.
2024.05.16 04:00 joanarcherknight Nebula - MerMay
Light reflected off the scales, reflecting a shimmer of rainbow colours. Even the sand that clung to the scales couldn’t dim the intricate swirl of light that the sunlight revealed on the black scales.
Water was spilled over the scales, washing away the sand to reveal the colours more clearly. There was no movement from the tail, nor the rest of the body.
“What is it?” He whispered.
“Some kind of fish.” His friend whispered back.
“It’s got a face.”
“Everything has a face.”
He gave his friend a look and lifted the seaweed from the head of the creature. “Does this look like a normal fish face to you?”
“I never said it looked normal.”
“It’s got arms.”
“So… it’s an otter. Otter fish… Fish otter…”
Laughter exploded from the two boys. They fell back in the sand, distracted for a moment from the thing that had washed up on the shore. The mix of animal was just too funny for them to ignore.
“A otter fish. What is wrong with you?”
“So many things.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Well, if you’re so smart, you tell me what it is then.”
They leaned back over the thing, studying its form. Scales ran from the end of the tail to the upper torso. There were two limbs from the top of the torso, but they didn’t reach very far. And a head.
It looked too close to a human shaped head for them to be comfortable, but the face was flat and grey, like the skin that wasn’t covered by the scales. No nose that they could really see, and seaweed was the only covering where hair was supposed to grow.
“Hey, open its mouth.”
“Excuse me?”
“Open its mouth. I wanna see if it has teeth.”
“You open it then!”
“I’m not touching that.”
“And you think I will?”
“You’re a lot braver than I am. You touch weird stuff all the time.”
“How about no one touches the weird thing’s mouth?”
The new voice startled them. They straightened, looking up and down the empty beach. It was still totally empty. And it would be for a few more months until the icy fingers of the wind were warmed by summer’s return.
“Down here.”
The eyes were black pools, no iris or pupil to be seen. They stared down at the creature, and the creature stared up at them. There was a scurry of movement from both the boys and the creature as they rushed away from each other.
It was ungainly on the shore and the boys reached the dunes before the creature was halfway to the water. They crouched in the sand, watching the creature struggle. Its arms didn’t extend fully, and it had to drag itself bit by bit across the sand.
“Should we go and help it?”
“Did you hear it talking?”
“I mean… Yeah. That was the… thing, right?”
“I can’t talk in a voice that low. Can you?”
The boy shook his head in response.
“And it’s moving. Really… really slowly. Do you think it needs help?”
They turned to look at the creature, still dragging itself across the sand in agonisingly slow progress. Together, they made their way back down the beach, hands grasping at each other’s clothing.
“Do you need help?” They called out.
The creature stopped and twisted to look at them with the black pools that served as its eyes.
“We could see how slowly you were moving.” One of the boys said haltingly.
It turned back to its slow path to the waves, dragging itself forward again. Now that they were close, they could see that the arms were partially fused to the torso, stopping them from extending all the way.
The forearms were the only part that could move unencumbered. A trail was being carved in the sand by the creature’s tail, a clear marker of where it had been.
“Are you sure you don’t want help?”
Much like a wolf or dog on land, the creature’s lips curled back from its teeth, baring a row of sharp teeth. The boys scrambled back, struggling to stay upright in the sand.
“We don’t want to hurt you.” The braver boy snapped.
“How can I trust that?” The creature hissed, voice like a rumble of thunder.
There was a moment of hesitation before the second boy spoke up. “If we were going to hurt you, we would have done it while you were unconscious.”
“Some monsters like to hear the screams.”
He stepped closer and crouched down. “Please let us help you.”
“If you must.”
The skin was cold and clammy, like chicken that had gone slimy with age. The boys shuddered as they touched it, grasping the creature’s fused upper arms. There was so much weight.
They staggered through the sand, chasing the leaving tide. Wet sand grasped at their boots and water had begun to seep into their socks when they finally laid the creature back down on the sand.
Little rippling waves caressed her webbed fingers and she pulled herself eagerly forward, hissing as the water surrounded her. The boys scrambled back from the water, remembering tales of sharks in shallow water that could still whip round and take prey.
“We helped you.”
“And I won’t kill you.” The creature hissed.
And then it was gone. A flick of the tail and the beach was empty but for the two boys, and the trail that had been carved by the creature’s tail. The boys exchanged a look and continued their walk along the deserted sands, silence laying heavy between them.
submitted by joanarcherknight to JAKnight [link] [comments]
Water was spilled over the scales, washing away the sand to reveal the colours more clearly. There was no movement from the tail, nor the rest of the body.
“What is it?” He whispered.
“Some kind of fish.” His friend whispered back.
“It’s got a face.”
“Everything has a face.”
He gave his friend a look and lifted the seaweed from the head of the creature. “Does this look like a normal fish face to you?”
“I never said it looked normal.”
“It’s got arms.”
“So… it’s an otter. Otter fish… Fish otter…”
Laughter exploded from the two boys. They fell back in the sand, distracted for a moment from the thing that had washed up on the shore. The mix of animal was just too funny for them to ignore.
“A otter fish. What is wrong with you?”
“So many things.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Well, if you’re so smart, you tell me what it is then.”
They leaned back over the thing, studying its form. Scales ran from the end of the tail to the upper torso. There were two limbs from the top of the torso, but they didn’t reach very far. And a head.
It looked too close to a human shaped head for them to be comfortable, but the face was flat and grey, like the skin that wasn’t covered by the scales. No nose that they could really see, and seaweed was the only covering where hair was supposed to grow.
“Hey, open its mouth.”
“Excuse me?”
“Open its mouth. I wanna see if it has teeth.”
“You open it then!”
“I’m not touching that.”
“And you think I will?”
“You’re a lot braver than I am. You touch weird stuff all the time.”
“How about no one touches the weird thing’s mouth?”
The new voice startled them. They straightened, looking up and down the empty beach. It was still totally empty. And it would be for a few more months until the icy fingers of the wind were warmed by summer’s return.
“Down here.”
The eyes were black pools, no iris or pupil to be seen. They stared down at the creature, and the creature stared up at them. There was a scurry of movement from both the boys and the creature as they rushed away from each other.
It was ungainly on the shore and the boys reached the dunes before the creature was halfway to the water. They crouched in the sand, watching the creature struggle. Its arms didn’t extend fully, and it had to drag itself bit by bit across the sand.
“Should we go and help it?”
“Did you hear it talking?”
“I mean… Yeah. That was the… thing, right?”
“I can’t talk in a voice that low. Can you?”
The boy shook his head in response.
“And it’s moving. Really… really slowly. Do you think it needs help?”
They turned to look at the creature, still dragging itself across the sand in agonisingly slow progress. Together, they made their way back down the beach, hands grasping at each other’s clothing.
“Do you need help?” They called out.
The creature stopped and twisted to look at them with the black pools that served as its eyes.
“We could see how slowly you were moving.” One of the boys said haltingly.
It turned back to its slow path to the waves, dragging itself forward again. Now that they were close, they could see that the arms were partially fused to the torso, stopping them from extending all the way.
The forearms were the only part that could move unencumbered. A trail was being carved in the sand by the creature’s tail, a clear marker of where it had been.
“Are you sure you don’t want help?”
Much like a wolf or dog on land, the creature’s lips curled back from its teeth, baring a row of sharp teeth. The boys scrambled back, struggling to stay upright in the sand.
“We don’t want to hurt you.” The braver boy snapped.
“How can I trust that?” The creature hissed, voice like a rumble of thunder.
There was a moment of hesitation before the second boy spoke up. “If we were going to hurt you, we would have done it while you were unconscious.”
“Some monsters like to hear the screams.”
He stepped closer and crouched down. “Please let us help you.”
“If you must.”
The skin was cold and clammy, like chicken that had gone slimy with age. The boys shuddered as they touched it, grasping the creature’s fused upper arms. There was so much weight.
They staggered through the sand, chasing the leaving tide. Wet sand grasped at their boots and water had begun to seep into their socks when they finally laid the creature back down on the sand.
Little rippling waves caressed her webbed fingers and she pulled herself eagerly forward, hissing as the water surrounded her. The boys scrambled back from the water, remembering tales of sharks in shallow water that could still whip round and take prey.
“We helped you.”
“And I won’t kill you.” The creature hissed.
And then it was gone. A flick of the tail and the beach was empty but for the two boys, and the trail that had been carved by the creature’s tail. The boys exchanged a look and continued their walk along the deserted sands, silence laying heavy between them.