Thank you letters for medical assistant portfolios
Nursing for nurses and by nurses for the care of all.
2009.10.18 21:53 davedavedavedavedave Nursing for nurses and by nurses for the care of all.
2008.01.25 07:47 insomnia
Posts and discussion about insomnia and sleep disorders.
2011.03.30 16:39 HotDinnerBatman Unsent Letters
A place for the letter you never sent.
2024.05.15 06:13 PositiveLet5168 is it possible to get millicent’s prosthesis after she died?
i was watching a walkthrough of her questline and the video said to assist her and then kill her in order to get both the rotten winged sword insignia and her prosthesis. after killing her sisters it wouldn’t let me kill her myself and all i got from her body was the stupid needle. is it possible for me to get the other talisman WITHOUT doing a NG+ run or am i cooked? i’m afraid i already know the answer but i’m still a little hopeful (this is what i get for watching 2 year old videos smh). thank you in advance!!
submitted by PositiveLet5168 to Eldenring [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 06:11 jennylovesotf Flare subsiding - now what???
My 8 year old son has had IBD-type symptoms for about 6 weeks and we've been investigating the cause. Late last week, we finally got his fecal calprotectin levels back and they were 1200 so likely IBD (I think Crohn's based on what I've read). We've been referred for a colonoscopy but it looks like it will be a fairly long wait.
Meanwhile, we've been super careful about what we feed him and about 3/4 of his calories are from Pediasure at this point. And thank god, it seems like it's starting to work - today was his second day back at school and he's starting to be himself again. Such a relief! But now I have a few questions that I'm hoping you all might know the answer to based on your experience:
1) If his colonoscopy is in another month from now, will they still be able to diagnose Crohn's vs colitis if he's still in remission? And the severity?
2) Why can't he start treatment now to help prevent another flare in the meantime? It seems like several treatments are common to both Crohn's and colitis?
3) Do I keep him on this super restrictive diet until he finally gets his colonoscopy and starts medication? Or can I slowly introduce a more varied diet (e.g., fruits and vegetables)?
I'm sorry if my questions are super naive - I've been researching all this like crazy but still feel so lost. And I'm kicking myself for not asking the pediatrician when I had her on the phone. Thanks for any information you can provide!
submitted by jennylovesotf to CrohnsDisease [link] [comments]
Meanwhile, we've been super careful about what we feed him and about 3/4 of his calories are from Pediasure at this point. And thank god, it seems like it's starting to work - today was his second day back at school and he's starting to be himself again. Such a relief! But now I have a few questions that I'm hoping you all might know the answer to based on your experience:
1) If his colonoscopy is in another month from now, will they still be able to diagnose Crohn's vs colitis if he's still in remission? And the severity?
2) Why can't he start treatment now to help prevent another flare in the meantime? It seems like several treatments are common to both Crohn's and colitis?
3) Do I keep him on this super restrictive diet until he finally gets his colonoscopy and starts medication? Or can I slowly introduce a more varied diet (e.g., fruits and vegetables)?
I'm sorry if my questions are super naive - I've been researching all this like crazy but still feel so lost. And I'm kicking myself for not asking the pediatrician when I had her on the phone. Thanks for any information you can provide!
2024.05.15 06:09 Mother_Tomatillo_481 Any other ways to reach out to Riipen?
Hi everyone, I recently finished a project (on April 3rd) and much like the rest of you, have been awaiting payment for quite a while. I eventually got in touch with Riipen through the avocado chat in hopes of getting some clarity on the payment timeline. The operator I eventually reached out to informed me of various issues they found with my project that they told me to resolve before payment could be issued.
It's a long story, but most of the issues the operator mentioned were either non-issues (ex. their website FAQ directly contrasted what they're saying), or something that I explained to them in a very detailed way but they seemingly didn't really read my messages.
I'm quite stressed about this and trying to be polite about the situation, but I can only say that the operator does not seem to really read any of my messages to explain my situation, and also responds quite slowly (I understand that they are busy but a one sentence response took almost five days) and without any detailed explanation at all.
Because of these experiences, I just want to see if there is any possible way I can contact any other representative on Riipen about my problem. I also tried to email the levelup@riipen email and after I found out that isn't checked, I emailed [help@riipen.com](mailto:help@riipen.com). The same operator responded back to me. I tried calling their number and the Level Up voicemail let me know that they aren't able to assist by phone. I don't know if the best option is to create a new ticket or if that would just also result in my issue being pushed to the back and even have the same operator responding again.
I understand that it might be difficult to understand my context given that I have omitted a lot of detail about my actual issues, but if providing more information would be helpful to resolving the situation, I would be more than willing to.
I also apologize for how lengthy this is getting, but long story short, I'm just wondering if any of you know any other possible way I could get in touch with Riipen. Sincerely, thank you for reading and any possible insight.
submitted by Mother_Tomatillo_481 to Riipen [link] [comments]
It's a long story, but most of the issues the operator mentioned were either non-issues (ex. their website FAQ directly contrasted what they're saying), or something that I explained to them in a very detailed way but they seemingly didn't really read my messages.
I'm quite stressed about this and trying to be polite about the situation, but I can only say that the operator does not seem to really read any of my messages to explain my situation, and also responds quite slowly (I understand that they are busy but a one sentence response took almost five days) and without any detailed explanation at all.
Because of these experiences, I just want to see if there is any possible way I can contact any other representative on Riipen about my problem. I also tried to email the levelup@riipen email and after I found out that isn't checked, I emailed [help@riipen.com](mailto:help@riipen.com). The same operator responded back to me. I tried calling their number and the Level Up voicemail let me know that they aren't able to assist by phone. I don't know if the best option is to create a new ticket or if that would just also result in my issue being pushed to the back and even have the same operator responding again.
I understand that it might be difficult to understand my context given that I have omitted a lot of detail about my actual issues, but if providing more information would be helpful to resolving the situation, I would be more than willing to.
I also apologize for how lengthy this is getting, but long story short, I'm just wondering if any of you know any other possible way I could get in touch with Riipen. Sincerely, thank you for reading and any possible insight.
2024.05.15 06:08 Total_Rent5158 Review My Portfolio - Art Director
Hi!
I'm an Art Director and Advertising student looking for some feedback on my portfolio. I'm graduating soon and am having a hard time finding a job/internship or even job listings. Would love any advice!
Please comment below and I can DM you the link. Thank you!
submitted by Total_Rent5158 to AskMarketing [link] [comments]
I'm an Art Director and Advertising student looking for some feedback on my portfolio. I'm graduating soon and am having a hard time finding a job/internship or even job listings. Would love any advice!
Please comment below and I can DM you the link. Thank you!
2024.05.15 06:07 olivioli Seeking Help Identifying Hello Kitty Playset with Black and White Tile Flooring
I’m trying to track down a specific Hello Kitty playset from the early 2000s, but I'm having trouble identifying it. It featured a miniature Hello Kitty figurine and had a house with black and white tiles on the floor. I believe it was a miniature kitchen. I've searched extensively online but haven't had any luck finding it.
Does anyone in the Hello Kitty collector community recognize this playset? I'd appreciate any information or leads you could provide. If you've seen a similar playset or own one yourself, I'd love to hear from you! Any pictures or details you can share would be incredibly helpful.
Thank you in advance for your assistance!
submitted by olivioli to HelloKitty [link] [comments]
Does anyone in the Hello Kitty collector community recognize this playset? I'd appreciate any information or leads you could provide. If you've seen a similar playset or own one yourself, I'd love to hear from you! Any pictures or details you can share would be incredibly helpful.
Thank you in advance for your assistance!
2024.05.15 06:07 AndyyBee The problem everyone having their pronouns...
Many people have already spoken about how making sharing pronouns mandatory at work or school or can affect trans people who are closeted or just want to allow people to use whatever pronouns without having to potentially out themselves as queer by saying all pronouns are fine. But here's another problem I've run into while trying to find medical and mental health providers. It's getting really hard to tell who is an actual ally and who is just... "normal." Sorry can't think of a better way to say it. Not outwardly transphobic, but not exactly an "ally" either.
Because I'm non-binary, I have a really hard time with care providers who don't at least have like a trans 101 education on proper terms. I really just don't want to deal with the micro-aggressions and silly questions like "I know your pronouns are they/them, is it okay if I use 'you'?" or "so you're... heterosexual? Or homosexual?"
It's frustrating that I have to do extra research on my providers to see if they have experience with trans people. Doctors especially are hard because they are less likely to mention whether or not they have worked with LGBT+ people as opposed to therapists.
When I was pregnant, I was looking up doulas in my area, and one of them in their bio said something along the lines of "I view pregnancy and birth as the divine power of womanhood, so if that is not your experience, I am not the right doula for you." And honestly I appreciated that so much because it saved the both of us a lot of time.
I wish healthcare providers would say whether or not they are gay/bi friendly or trans friendly. But of course, everyone will say they're LGBT friendly even if they've never met a trans person before because that's the politically correct thing to say. I used to view listing one's pronouns as a sign that they're an ally, but now that most therapists on the Psychology Today therapist finder have their pronouns, I have to dig a little deeper and it's just adding to the stress of being a minority. Like thanks for normalizing it I guess, but now I can't use it as a way to identify actual allies.
submitted by AndyyBee to TransyTalk [link] [comments]
Because I'm non-binary, I have a really hard time with care providers who don't at least have like a trans 101 education on proper terms. I really just don't want to deal with the micro-aggressions and silly questions like "I know your pronouns are they/them, is it okay if I use 'you'?" or "so you're... heterosexual? Or homosexual?"
It's frustrating that I have to do extra research on my providers to see if they have experience with trans people. Doctors especially are hard because they are less likely to mention whether or not they have worked with LGBT+ people as opposed to therapists.
When I was pregnant, I was looking up doulas in my area, and one of them in their bio said something along the lines of "I view pregnancy and birth as the divine power of womanhood, so if that is not your experience, I am not the right doula for you." And honestly I appreciated that so much because it saved the both of us a lot of time.
I wish healthcare providers would say whether or not they are gay/bi friendly or trans friendly. But of course, everyone will say they're LGBT friendly even if they've never met a trans person before because that's the politically correct thing to say. I used to view listing one's pronouns as a sign that they're an ally, but now that most therapists on the Psychology Today therapist finder have their pronouns, I have to dig a little deeper and it's just adding to the stress of being a minority. Like thanks for normalizing it I guess, but now I can't use it as a way to identify actual allies.
2024.05.15 06:07 gigs2121 Medications that don't cause fatigue as a side effect?
(I know there are a billion medication posts but I haven't found this variant so thanks for reading!)
Trying to get a neuro appointment because my migraines are creeping up to close to once a week and it's not feeling manageable anymore. My main migraine symptom is fatigue-- I can tell I have one when I wake up in the morning and just can't get out of bed, and usually sleep/lay on the couch until 5pm or after; even getting up to get an Aleve is very hard. I generally have relatively little, if any, pain. So, are there any medications for which fatigue/dizziness isn't a side effect? From the posts on here it seems so common for most of them. I would love to get my life back but since I (luckily) am not usually dealing with severe pain, just inability to function, either preventative or reactive treatments that also knock you out don't seem appealing to me.
submitted by gigs2121 to migraine [link] [comments]
Trying to get a neuro appointment because my migraines are creeping up to close to once a week and it's not feeling manageable anymore. My main migraine symptom is fatigue-- I can tell I have one when I wake up in the morning and just can't get out of bed, and usually sleep/lay on the couch until 5pm or after; even getting up to get an Aleve is very hard. I generally have relatively little, if any, pain. So, are there any medications for which fatigue/dizziness isn't a side effect? From the posts on here it seems so common for most of them. I would love to get my life back but since I (luckily) am not usually dealing with severe pain, just inability to function, either preventative or reactive treatments that also knock you out don't seem appealing to me.
2024.05.15 06:07 quirkypineapple420 Any advice for first time home buyer?
I’m looking for a house to buy in Anchorage. Any advice? Is it worth it? Any lenders you prefer? Anything specific for Alaska Natives? Down payment assistance? Thank you!!
submitted by quirkypineapple420 to anchorage [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 06:05 Spartan-463 Help Fixing the Jeep (but mini)
Hello, I'm hoping this is the right place to go. I was given a rc /drivable mini jeep from family to give to my best friend's child but need to get it cleaned up and working. Unfortunately when I select on either the remote or pedal inside to "go" it whines then clicks. If a start to push it I can feel it pull away for half a second before cutting out. I've never worked with electric motors before just the electronics on my Jeep. Would this be all the motors dead (it has a few) or something else cutting power. Thanks for any assistance you can provide. Oh and it does have a brand new battery. Thank you power wheel experts
submitted by Spartan-463 to PowerWheelsMods [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 06:04 Spartan-463 Help Fixing the Jeep (but mini)
Hello, I'm hoping this is the right place to go. I was given a rc /drivable mini jeep from family to give to my best friend's child but need to get it cleaned up and working. Unfortunately when I select on either the remote or pedal inside to "go" it whines then clicks. If a start to push it I can feel it pull away for half a second before cutting out. I've never worked with electric motors before just the electronics on my Jeep. Would this be all the motors dead (it has a few) or something else cutting power. Thanks for any assistance you can provide. Oh and it does have a brand new battery. Thank you power wheel experts
submitted by Spartan-463 to PowerWheelsMods [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 06:02 onewonfour Anyone in the education industry in Chengdu?
Looking for some assistance, particularly with consulting. DM or post below if you’ve got any experience. Thanks!
submitted by onewonfour to Chengdu [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 06:02 Organic_Ad4764 Someone I don't recognise rang my doorbell at 4am.
Hi all! I'm a female in my late-twenties and live in the UK in a building with around 80 apartments. I live with my father who has disabilities, his disabilities require him to have carers check in on him during the daytime and night-time to assist him with changing him (this part is relevant for later on).
Because of his inability to walk, the carers have access to a key-safe located outside of the building (right next to the main entrance to the building). When the carers arrive, they collect the keys, let themselves in and then once the job is completed they place the keys back ready for when the next set of carers arrive. Occasionally, the carers who come at 3/4am have rung the doorbell instead of using the key-safe, but I have not had that issue with them for over 6 months now.
At around 3:45am today, I heard the doorbell ringing (we have an intercom system where you can see who has rang from outside of the building) so my immediate thought was that it was the carers. I looked at the intercom and saw a man I didn't recognise and he was repeatedly looking left and right quite quickly and also looking at the CCTV camera. The intercom alarm is really loud so I wanted to stop it quickly because 1) my dad was asleep and I didn't want him to be scared and 2) it's so loud that neighbours are able to hear it and I didn't want anyone to be disturbed so late. The only way I am able to stop the intercom ringing is if I pick the phone up and then place it back down, the issue with this is that it alerts the person ringing that the call has been answered.
Less than two minutes later, the carers let themselves in. My worry is that the man was still standing outside when they arrived and he could've 1) followed them in (there have been times I have seen people waiting outside of the building and then immediately tailing residents) or 2) seen the carers enter the code for the key safe. The first thing I did after they left was put the chain on the door, which I have set an alarm to take off just before the next set of carers arrive - however, the situation itself worried me because of how late it was at night. There is a lot of antisocial behaviour in this area and there was recently a murder on the street I live on, so I have been a lot more aware of my surroundings and safety.
I have had multiple people ringing our doorbell before asking to be let into the building (I never do because I don't recognise them and I don't want to risk anything) but never this late. There was one occasion a few months ago where a man rang my doorbell and shouted into the intercom that I needed to let him in because he ''forgot his key card'', alarm bells started ringing because our building doesn't use key cards. Since then, I have always just let the doorbell ring whenever someone I don't recognise has rang it, because I don't want them to be alerted that I picked up and didn't let them in - however I had to pick up the phone and put it back down this time because of how late it was (the doorbell noise is extremely loud).
Because of the worry, I rang the non-emergency police line and let them know the situation and my concerns and they made a note of it and said that if it happens again ring them back or if it's urgent ring the police directly.
I can't help but feel like I'm overreacting about this, but the fact that it was so late, the risk of him seeing the carers access the key safe and the risk of him not having good intentions just made me feel like I had to call the non-emergency number just in case.
I suppose I just want to ask what you would've done in my situation given the circumstances and also, what do you do in order to keep yourselves safe in your apartments? (I'm still feeling quite anxious so reading any comments will hopefully help me take my mind off the anxiety).
I apologise for the long post and thank you for reading :)
submitted by Organic_Ad4764 to Apartmentliving [link] [comments]
Because of his inability to walk, the carers have access to a key-safe located outside of the building (right next to the main entrance to the building). When the carers arrive, they collect the keys, let themselves in and then once the job is completed they place the keys back ready for when the next set of carers arrive. Occasionally, the carers who come at 3/4am have rung the doorbell instead of using the key-safe, but I have not had that issue with them for over 6 months now.
At around 3:45am today, I heard the doorbell ringing (we have an intercom system where you can see who has rang from outside of the building) so my immediate thought was that it was the carers. I looked at the intercom and saw a man I didn't recognise and he was repeatedly looking left and right quite quickly and also looking at the CCTV camera. The intercom alarm is really loud so I wanted to stop it quickly because 1) my dad was asleep and I didn't want him to be scared and 2) it's so loud that neighbours are able to hear it and I didn't want anyone to be disturbed so late. The only way I am able to stop the intercom ringing is if I pick the phone up and then place it back down, the issue with this is that it alerts the person ringing that the call has been answered.
Less than two minutes later, the carers let themselves in. My worry is that the man was still standing outside when they arrived and he could've 1) followed them in (there have been times I have seen people waiting outside of the building and then immediately tailing residents) or 2) seen the carers enter the code for the key safe. The first thing I did after they left was put the chain on the door, which I have set an alarm to take off just before the next set of carers arrive - however, the situation itself worried me because of how late it was at night. There is a lot of antisocial behaviour in this area and there was recently a murder on the street I live on, so I have been a lot more aware of my surroundings and safety.
I have had multiple people ringing our doorbell before asking to be let into the building (I never do because I don't recognise them and I don't want to risk anything) but never this late. There was one occasion a few months ago where a man rang my doorbell and shouted into the intercom that I needed to let him in because he ''forgot his key card'', alarm bells started ringing because our building doesn't use key cards. Since then, I have always just let the doorbell ring whenever someone I don't recognise has rang it, because I don't want them to be alerted that I picked up and didn't let them in - however I had to pick up the phone and put it back down this time because of how late it was (the doorbell noise is extremely loud).
Because of the worry, I rang the non-emergency police line and let them know the situation and my concerns and they made a note of it and said that if it happens again ring them back or if it's urgent ring the police directly.
I can't help but feel like I'm overreacting about this, but the fact that it was so late, the risk of him seeing the carers access the key safe and the risk of him not having good intentions just made me feel like I had to call the non-emergency number just in case.
I suppose I just want to ask what you would've done in my situation given the circumstances and also, what do you do in order to keep yourselves safe in your apartments? (I'm still feeling quite anxious so reading any comments will hopefully help me take my mind off the anxiety).
I apologise for the long post and thank you for reading :)
2024.05.15 06:02 Choice_Evidence1983 My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying Stepmother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds
OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.
OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.Relevant Comments
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.
OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed
OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation
OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death
OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money
OOP: Hi there,OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.
OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him
OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.15 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 My (28f) fiancé (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/bomblebeeee
Originally posted to relationship_advice + TrueOffMyChest
My (28f) fiance (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, mentions of mental health issues, emotional abuse and manipulation
My (28f) fiancé (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?: May 1, 2024
TLDR at the bottom.
(28f) am getting married today to my fiance (30m). It's the legal document signing and our ceremony is on Saturday. I haven't slept in 24 hours I just am feeling so much anxiety.
For reference we were togetheliving together for about 3 years before becoming long distance for one and a half years. I'm back in the country for a week to visit him and family and to have our wedding.
For the last month he has been ghosting me for sometimes even weeks at a time. I know it's because he's going through a mental health crisis, but no matter how much I tell him his actions are causing me pain and straining our communication, he can't change. When he goes through rough times he absolutely shuts down for everyone, especially me. It hurts so much every time knowing that even the person he says is his best friend and future wife, he doesn't trust or respect enough to share or ease his pain.
I thought coming back to the country and the marriage would wake him up from his ghosting tendencies this past month, but it's not. He had a very important meeting at work yesterday that either meant he'd get a raise or be unemployed, and now I don't hear anything from him at all. He's ignoring my calls, he's ignoring my texts (and there are read receipts so I know it's intentionally ignored). It's the morning of, and we are literally set to sign our marriage paperwork in a few hours from now. But I was up all night because I can't shake the anxiety that this isn't what he wants. That hes just doing this to "appease" me despite this being a joint decision.
I still can't even get a hold or reach him. I try so hard to communicate everything with him, but this hurts me deeply, down to my core. Part of me wants to drive over to his apartment and beat his door down and just demand answers as to how he could treat someone he claims he loves this way. But I know he'd just shut down further, say he's sorry, and then bury himself deeper into his guilt and depression.
How can I be supportive through his mental health crisis while also keeping firm on the "this is 500000% some disrespectful and harmful behavior that is absolutely unacceptable" in my opinion. When we were about to be long distance he begged me to try it out because I knew his inability to properly communicate his feelings would be miserable over long distance. But he begged me and promised he would change. I would say he did improve but if this last month has shown me anything it's that I'm about to marry someone who has no qualms and sees no consequence in ghosting your spouse for weeks at a time.
This whole thing gives me so much anxiety I have no idea what to do. Any advice on how to calm my anxiety or maybe try to be more supportive to coax him out of the horrid way his depressive episode is manifesting would be greatly appreciated.
Before I forget, yes of course I've tried to get him to see a therapist or get on medication. For years. There is basically a 0% chance that, if it's coming from me or anyone in my family, he would ever listen to that advice. It's incredibly frustrating and not an option that I can even bring up with him anymore without the conversation devolving and him shutting me out even further.
(I will not be tolerating or responding to any accusations of him cheating or people just saying don't marry him. He is loyal but has a multitude of mental health issues, and I will marry him regardless of what anyone says on the internet. I just want some advice is all.)
TLDR: My fiance keeps ghosting me for weeks at a time and he's doing it again even on the day we are getting married which is causing me insane anxiety.
Edit: I won't be reading anything anymore, and please stop messaging me. If you see a woman who is genuinely struggling with something and clearly has no one else to turn to for advice other than random people on the internet and your response is to ridicule her and call her an idiot.... Then congratulations my last idea of seeking help has failed. Clearly I had no one else to go to, it's my wedding day and I'm on reddit. I don't know why I expected anything less than hate messages and ridicule. Maybe there isn't some magic way to help him through this period of grief, but I didn't think I deserved to be sent all these cruel messages so instantly. To the people messaging me and calling stupid, idiotic, doormat, and that I deserve whatever unhappy life awaits me, you've won.
Relevant Comments
Icy-Original: He’s been ghosting you for the last month and you thought marriage would fix this? You don’t want anyone here to tell you not to marry him when that’s the most logical and smart decision here. You’ve created your own misery and are determined to continue doing so so what do you want from us? We can’t make him unghost you and we can’t make you feel better about this decision you know is dumb as hell. You have a man with mental health problems that refuses to get help, that’s causing severe relationship issues and you’re willingly signing yourself up, aligning yourself legally to have more of these problems till death do you part? When you have kids and he ghost you then what are you going to do? I hope you get what you deserve from this situation. Whatever that entails.
I was left at the altar yesterday: May 2, 2024
My life was great. My relationship was great. Until yesterday it suddenly wasn't. The last month felt a bit off but I didn't think it would lead to this. I still love him intensely. He still loves me intensely. He wants to stay with me it's just that he says he can't do marriage because he can't untie the trauma he has from the idea of it from his childhood (cult stuff).
My mom says I'll be a pathetic fucking loser if I still stay with him regardless and that he'll never be a part of the family. But I want to stay with him regardless. But I don't know if I can live with the constant fear, anxiety, and insecurites that will come from being with someone who can just leave whenever he feels like it.
My wedding is on Saturday and my family still wants to have it since it's more of a small family gathering already anyways (since his family wasn't invited due to cult stuff). My life as I know it feels completely over. I don't know what to do. The person I turned to for empathy and compassion turned to me screaming that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm only in the country for my wedding, I live abroad. My new job and my fiancee pressured me and reassured me I should already use my new married name professionally. I'm a teacher and all my kids already know me as his name.
Everything sucks and I can't stop sobbing.
Edit: to clarify. He left me while we were about to sign the marriage certificate. It's a symbolic left at the altar since there was never going to be an actual altar anyway.
Update: I told my mom that the way she phrased her advice/opinion was cruel. She told me she's tired of my drama and doesn't need it in her old age. I already had told her she was right and I knew what she said was right, but just that the way she said it was cruel. She said she no longer cares about maintaining a relationship with me and that it isn't worth the drama at her age. I apologized because she's right. I'm a piece of shit who never saw that this situation hurt and humiliated her too. I wanted to just have this be a nice party with friends and just spend time together. I'm going to try my best to keep my negativity inside so it doesn't spoil the mood and maybe there's a hope to salvage it as a good party. But I think once I return abroad that this will be the last time my mom will ever speak to me again. I don't know how I could repay her for all she spent on this wedding, but hopefully removing myself from her life will maybe make her life more peaceful and less stressful, even if it destroys me.
As for him, thank you all so much for your kindness, advice, and perspectives. It truly makes me feel better to read the comments even if they hurt and I deserve it. We will be talking about it tomorrow in person, and I've scheduled an emergency therapy appointment for myself for tomorrow morning. Ive never done therapy before, and I'm scared, but I know it's what I need. I'm so angry at him for ruining my entire life that I don't know if the love I have can salvage this.
Relevant Comments
Geezell: No, hon. You can’t be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their fears and needs and, instead, choose to run. He failed you. He does not get to treat you like that. You deserve better. Your Mom may have let her anger for you make her word things poorly but she is right….that dude does not get to have his cake and eat it too.
Go back home. Go no contact with him. Finish out the teaching contract as it. Then, my recommendation is to find a teaching job in a dream location. Maybe, be a traveling teacher for a few years. Heal. Live big. And, if you wish, find love again.
Update: I was left at the altar yesterday: May 8, 2024
For a brief recap, I was going to the officiant to sign my marriage license with my fiance (who I'd been with for 4 years). He chickened out and said he couldn't marry me and ruptured my image of us. TLDR at bottom.
On to the update. Since I was so brutally humiliated, it really made me think back on all the not great parts of us. He was always very gaslighty whenever I'd claim his actions reflected the opposite of his words (I respect you, I care for you). So I ended up talking to him. I asked him to define what his definition of loving someone, respecting someone, caring for someone, and trusting someone means. Needless to say they were twisted and not healthy at all. I tried to make him see that and he had a few moments of holy shit I think you're right, I don't actually trust or respect you.
Now just because he admitted it didn't mean the crazy selfish actions didn't continue throughout the entirety of the conversation. It was so crazy how I'd never been able to articulate it in a way to where he actually understood before. He actually had the gall to say "Wow we should have had this conversation a long time ago" because of how much he was realizing he was treating me like trash then gaslighting me about it. I was like bitch I've been trying to tell you this for years but you never respected me enough to listen and I was always too emotional to articulate it properly.
Anyways, he wanted to do marriage counseling with the intent to marry at the end. I told him I'd rather break up because the power dynamic is too shifted and I don't feel like it's salvageable. With how he was listening to me and finally acknowledging and understanding me and his own actions I was hopeful for maybe a friendship one day in the distant future. But after a teary, bittersweet goodbye, he absolutely ruined it with yet another selfish action right at the last moment.
I didn't want to be touched or do physical affection for multiple reasons. One of the main reasons being he uses it for comfort when he's feeling sorry for himself. I had just spent 3 hours explaining how he never thinks of me in any of his actions, and maybe it's cruel of me to keep that last kiss or whatever, but it felt selfish and manipulative to me. So after an actually heartfelt goodbye and promise to be better people in the future, we part ways. Only for him to run back to me to try and do some romantic swoop in and kiss me. I recoiled really fast and honestly just stared at him incredulously. Like he had just ignored everything I had just said. That was the moment I went from sadness and grief from losing something so important to me, to just numb and angry about it.
I haven't cried since, I don't even feel sad when I think about him because all I can think about is how angry the whole thing makes me feel. I'm 28 and feel like I wasted my good years on someone who had zero regard for me in any capacity. I developed so many new insecurities, confidence issues, and trauma from 4 years with him and now I have to navigate the dating pool again with all of that (in a foreign country no less!)
TLDR: I broke up with him and I'm just angry now.
Relevant/Top Comments
Libra_8118: How are you and your mom doing? It sounds like you left your home and family for him. Are you thinking of coming back home?
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to relationship_advice + TrueOffMyChest
My (28f) fiance (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, mentions of mental health issues, emotional abuse and manipulation
TLDR at the bottom.
(28f) am getting married today to my fiance (30m). It's the legal document signing and our ceremony is on Saturday. I haven't slept in 24 hours I just am feeling so much anxiety.
For reference we were togetheliving together for about 3 years before becoming long distance for one and a half years. I'm back in the country for a week to visit him and family and to have our wedding.
For the last month he has been ghosting me for sometimes even weeks at a time. I know it's because he's going through a mental health crisis, but no matter how much I tell him his actions are causing me pain and straining our communication, he can't change. When he goes through rough times he absolutely shuts down for everyone, especially me. It hurts so much every time knowing that even the person he says is his best friend and future wife, he doesn't trust or respect enough to share or ease his pain.
I thought coming back to the country and the marriage would wake him up from his ghosting tendencies this past month, but it's not. He had a very important meeting at work yesterday that either meant he'd get a raise or be unemployed, and now I don't hear anything from him at all. He's ignoring my calls, he's ignoring my texts (and there are read receipts so I know it's intentionally ignored). It's the morning of, and we are literally set to sign our marriage paperwork in a few hours from now. But I was up all night because I can't shake the anxiety that this isn't what he wants. That hes just doing this to "appease" me despite this being a joint decision.
I still can't even get a hold or reach him. I try so hard to communicate everything with him, but this hurts me deeply, down to my core. Part of me wants to drive over to his apartment and beat his door down and just demand answers as to how he could treat someone he claims he loves this way. But I know he'd just shut down further, say he's sorry, and then bury himself deeper into his guilt and depression.
How can I be supportive through his mental health crisis while also keeping firm on the "this is 500000% some disrespectful and harmful behavior that is absolutely unacceptable" in my opinion. When we were about to be long distance he begged me to try it out because I knew his inability to properly communicate his feelings would be miserable over long distance. But he begged me and promised he would change. I would say he did improve but if this last month has shown me anything it's that I'm about to marry someone who has no qualms and sees no consequence in ghosting your spouse for weeks at a time.
This whole thing gives me so much anxiety I have no idea what to do. Any advice on how to calm my anxiety or maybe try to be more supportive to coax him out of the horrid way his depressive episode is manifesting would be greatly appreciated.
Before I forget, yes of course I've tried to get him to see a therapist or get on medication. For years. There is basically a 0% chance that, if it's coming from me or anyone in my family, he would ever listen to that advice. It's incredibly frustrating and not an option that I can even bring up with him anymore without the conversation devolving and him shutting me out even further.
(I will not be tolerating or responding to any accusations of him cheating or people just saying don't marry him. He is loyal but has a multitude of mental health issues, and I will marry him regardless of what anyone says on the internet. I just want some advice is all.)
TLDR: My fiance keeps ghosting me for weeks at a time and he's doing it again even on the day we are getting married which is causing me insane anxiety.
Edit: I won't be reading anything anymore, and please stop messaging me. If you see a woman who is genuinely struggling with something and clearly has no one else to turn to for advice other than random people on the internet and your response is to ridicule her and call her an idiot.... Then congratulations my last idea of seeking help has failed. Clearly I had no one else to go to, it's my wedding day and I'm on reddit. I don't know why I expected anything less than hate messages and ridicule. Maybe there isn't some magic way to help him through this period of grief, but I didn't think I deserved to be sent all these cruel messages so instantly. To the people messaging me and calling stupid, idiotic, doormat, and that I deserve whatever unhappy life awaits me, you've won.
Relevant Comments
Icy-Original: He’s been ghosting you for the last month and you thought marriage would fix this? You don’t want anyone here to tell you not to marry him when that’s the most logical and smart decision here. You’ve created your own misery and are determined to continue doing so so what do you want from us? We can’t make him unghost you and we can’t make you feel better about this decision you know is dumb as hell. You have a man with mental health problems that refuses to get help, that’s causing severe relationship issues and you’re willingly signing yourself up, aligning yourself legally to have more of these problems till death do you part? When you have kids and he ghost you then what are you going to do? I hope you get what you deserve from this situation. Whatever that entails.
OOP: This marriage has been planned for much longer than just the last month. It wasn't some solution I created by myself. And it isn't no contact for the whole month. Just a week of no contact before he comes back and apologizes for the absence due to unavoidable life events. Then contact for a week before another week of no contact before something else comes up. We spent the whole day together 3 days ago, but because of the meeting yesterday it's now been a day and a half of nothing again. To answer your question of what I'd like, compassion and actual helpful advice was what I was searching for. Not judgement and malice.
I was left at the altar yesterday: May 2, 2024
My life was great. My relationship was great. Until yesterday it suddenly wasn't. The last month felt a bit off but I didn't think it would lead to this. I still love him intensely. He still loves me intensely. He wants to stay with me it's just that he says he can't do marriage because he can't untie the trauma he has from the idea of it from his childhood (cult stuff).
My mom says I'll be a pathetic fucking loser if I still stay with him regardless and that he'll never be a part of the family. But I want to stay with him regardless. But I don't know if I can live with the constant fear, anxiety, and insecurites that will come from being with someone who can just leave whenever he feels like it.
My wedding is on Saturday and my family still wants to have it since it's more of a small family gathering already anyways (since his family wasn't invited due to cult stuff). My life as I know it feels completely over. I don't know what to do. The person I turned to for empathy and compassion turned to me screaming that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm only in the country for my wedding, I live abroad. My new job and my fiancee pressured me and reassured me I should already use my new married name professionally. I'm a teacher and all my kids already know me as his name.
Everything sucks and I can't stop sobbing.
Edit: to clarify. He left me while we were about to sign the marriage certificate. It's a symbolic left at the altar since there was never going to be an actual altar anyway.
Update: I told my mom that the way she phrased her advice/opinion was cruel. She told me she's tired of my drama and doesn't need it in her old age. I already had told her she was right and I knew what she said was right, but just that the way she said it was cruel. She said she no longer cares about maintaining a relationship with me and that it isn't worth the drama at her age. I apologized because she's right. I'm a piece of shit who never saw that this situation hurt and humiliated her too. I wanted to just have this be a nice party with friends and just spend time together. I'm going to try my best to keep my negativity inside so it doesn't spoil the mood and maybe there's a hope to salvage it as a good party. But I think once I return abroad that this will be the last time my mom will ever speak to me again. I don't know how I could repay her for all she spent on this wedding, but hopefully removing myself from her life will maybe make her life more peaceful and less stressful, even if it destroys me.
As for him, thank you all so much for your kindness, advice, and perspectives. It truly makes me feel better to read the comments even if they hurt and I deserve it. We will be talking about it tomorrow in person, and I've scheduled an emergency therapy appointment for myself for tomorrow morning. Ive never done therapy before, and I'm scared, but I know it's what I need. I'm so angry at him for ruining my entire life that I don't know if the love I have can salvage this.
Relevant Comments
Geezell: No, hon. You can’t be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their fears and needs and, instead, choose to run. He failed you. He does not get to treat you like that. You deserve better. Your Mom may have let her anger for you make her word things poorly but she is right….that dude does not get to have his cake and eat it too.
Go back home. Go no contact with him. Finish out the teaching contract as it. Then, my recommendation is to find a teaching job in a dream location. Maybe, be a traveling teacher for a few years. Heal. Live big. And, if you wish, find love again.
OOP: I am a travelling teacher already. I'm home right now just for the week so that I could do my wedding. Back to where I live abroad next week to live a life of isolation and loneliness.thunderchaud: Please elaborate on cult stuff, that could literally be anything
OOP: He's seen marriage used as a way to entrap and oppress women due to the cult culture of his family. He doesn't understand that what he's done is created a tilted power dynamic where he's holding all the power and autonomy and I'm the scared, anxiety riddled one terrified he'll leave at any moment in any possible future we may have now. Which is honestly worse in my opinion.detikripur: So many questions but at the top of my head is these: why did he agree to “marry” you? Why were you using a name that wasn’t yours for so long that your students know you by that name? Haven’t you talked beforehand with him? Was this relationship one sided?
OOP: He asked me to marry him. My job told me to start using his name because the school year started in April and I would be changing my name in May. I said no it felt like I'd jinx it. I called him and he said stop being such an over thinker and just use my name. I talked with him, he reassured me. It's been 3 weeks that my kids know me as that name. And to be honest yes it does feel one sided. But not in the way you're implying.
Update: I was left at the altar yesterday: May 8, 2024
For a brief recap, I was going to the officiant to sign my marriage license with my fiance (who I'd been with for 4 years). He chickened out and said he couldn't marry me and ruptured my image of us. TLDR at bottom.
On to the update. Since I was so brutally humiliated, it really made me think back on all the not great parts of us. He was always very gaslighty whenever I'd claim his actions reflected the opposite of his words (I respect you, I care for you). So I ended up talking to him. I asked him to define what his definition of loving someone, respecting someone, caring for someone, and trusting someone means. Needless to say they were twisted and not healthy at all. I tried to make him see that and he had a few moments of holy shit I think you're right, I don't actually trust or respect you.
Now just because he admitted it didn't mean the crazy selfish actions didn't continue throughout the entirety of the conversation. It was so crazy how I'd never been able to articulate it in a way to where he actually understood before. He actually had the gall to say "Wow we should have had this conversation a long time ago" because of how much he was realizing he was treating me like trash then gaslighting me about it. I was like bitch I've been trying to tell you this for years but you never respected me enough to listen and I was always too emotional to articulate it properly.
Anyways, he wanted to do marriage counseling with the intent to marry at the end. I told him I'd rather break up because the power dynamic is too shifted and I don't feel like it's salvageable. With how he was listening to me and finally acknowledging and understanding me and his own actions I was hopeful for maybe a friendship one day in the distant future. But after a teary, bittersweet goodbye, he absolutely ruined it with yet another selfish action right at the last moment.
I didn't want to be touched or do physical affection for multiple reasons. One of the main reasons being he uses it for comfort when he's feeling sorry for himself. I had just spent 3 hours explaining how he never thinks of me in any of his actions, and maybe it's cruel of me to keep that last kiss or whatever, but it felt selfish and manipulative to me. So after an actually heartfelt goodbye and promise to be better people in the future, we part ways. Only for him to run back to me to try and do some romantic swoop in and kiss me. I recoiled really fast and honestly just stared at him incredulously. Like he had just ignored everything I had just said. That was the moment I went from sadness and grief from losing something so important to me, to just numb and angry about it.
I haven't cried since, I don't even feel sad when I think about him because all I can think about is how angry the whole thing makes me feel. I'm 28 and feel like I wasted my good years on someone who had zero regard for me in any capacity. I developed so many new insecurities, confidence issues, and trauma from 4 years with him and now I have to navigate the dating pool again with all of that (in a foreign country no less!)
TLDR: I broke up with him and I'm just angry now.
Relevant/Top Comments
Libra_8118: How are you and your mom doing? It sounds like you left your home and family for him. Are you thinking of coming back home?
OOP: Both my family and him are in America. I left for me, my dreams, and career. I'm actually thankful that I can go back abroad to be away from him and honestly I need some time away from my mom as well.Forward-Cockroach945: Bravo I'm so proud of you for finally ending it with him. It's likely he only "understands" you now as a form of gaslighting and trying to placate you . I know it hurts now but with time you will heal and be stronger. Don't worry about dating right now, worry about loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Give yourself all the love support and understanding you normally gave to him. You deserve it. I hope your therapy visits go well and help you build up your self worth and bullshit detector. I'm so glad to hear you took the right steps towards a healthier happier life
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.15 05:59 Ok_Distribution_8805 PairVPN keeps disconnecting even though the Share Location is on
App: PairVPN
iPhone 11: iOS 17.4.1
MacBook Pro: macOS Monterey 12.7.4
Here are the details and issue:
Thank you for your assistance in advance
submitted by Ok_Distribution_8805 to VPN [link] [comments]
iPhone 11: iOS 17.4.1
MacBook Pro: macOS Monterey 12.7.4
Here are the details and issue:
- iPhone as a server; MacBook Pro as a client
- The “Share Location” button on iPhone is turned on
- The connection only lasts between 10 – 15 minutes when the iPhone screen is turned off and then it disconnects
- However, the connection seems to be just fine when the iPhone screen stays on
Thank you for your assistance in advance
2024.05.15 05:59 PuppiesOnSteroids Where should I be looking for?
Hi! I hope you're all doing well! I wanted to reach out, because I feel a bit lost. TLDR: I have been collecting experience and I feel like the rates go down and the only available positions are for call centers.
I have always been eager to work, in fact I started since I was 16, as video editor / graphic designer. Ever since, I have collected experience from a lot of places, I have 3 years of customer service experience, 6 years of video editing. I speak both spanish and engligh fluently, I tried to enter the entertaining indsutry as a concept artist, did my portfolio and everything but wasn't succesful on that, looks like no one wants to hire a junior artist internationally, which i respect.
I helped an art director produce educational material for 4 years for artists, we did videos, courses and a wide variety of projects. I did research for an entire year on world architecture, developing material and condensed visual explanations for artist, learning a lot of culture & history along the way.
I've also reaised more than a couple million views on personal projects on tiktok, which is more for my personal enjoyment.
I have a lot of experience in different areas, I'm very willing to work and confident that I can perform under any situation.
The thing is, in spite of having worked with US campaigns, a client in France and a lot of freelance internationally, in my country (Mexico) it seems that everything available is just callcenters, some of which pay decently, others not so much.
I just feel like my spirit, proactiveness, and my smart-decision making is a bit wasted in a callcenter, or even management, for customer service.
Does anyone have a piece of advice? Even better, have, or know someone that would be willing to discuss about a position? I know I'm a very valuable asset.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I'm looking forward for anythign life throws at me.
submitted by PuppiesOnSteroids to jobs [link] [comments]
I have always been eager to work, in fact I started since I was 16, as video editor / graphic designer. Ever since, I have collected experience from a lot of places, I have 3 years of customer service experience, 6 years of video editing. I speak both spanish and engligh fluently, I tried to enter the entertaining indsutry as a concept artist, did my portfolio and everything but wasn't succesful on that, looks like no one wants to hire a junior artist internationally, which i respect.
I helped an art director produce educational material for 4 years for artists, we did videos, courses and a wide variety of projects. I did research for an entire year on world architecture, developing material and condensed visual explanations for artist, learning a lot of culture & history along the way.
I've also reaised more than a couple million views on personal projects on tiktok, which is more for my personal enjoyment.
I have a lot of experience in different areas, I'm very willing to work and confident that I can perform under any situation.
The thing is, in spite of having worked with US campaigns, a client in France and a lot of freelance internationally, in my country (Mexico) it seems that everything available is just callcenters, some of which pay decently, others not so much.
I just feel like my spirit, proactiveness, and my smart-decision making is a bit wasted in a callcenter, or even management, for customer service.
Does anyone have a piece of advice? Even better, have, or know someone that would be willing to discuss about a position? I know I'm a very valuable asset.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I'm looking forward for anythign life throws at me.
2024.05.15 05:59 tahsii How do you know you have the right medication/dose?
I started taking dexamphetamine over a month ago, starting at 1 5mg tablet 3 times a day and increasing by 1 tablet a week as guided by my psychiatrist. I’m currently at 3 in the morning, 2 at lunch and 1 in the afternoon but I feel like it’s doing almost nothing. Yes, my thoughts are a little quieter but I still have zero motivation to get out of bed, cook, clean, keep on top of my work, and I’m still crashing at the end of the day. I’m close to the maximum daily dose of 40mg a day and I don’t know if it’s not working for me or if my expectations were just too high. I have a review meeting next Friday and I don’t know if I should ask to try a different medication or stick with this one and see if works out.
Thank you for any advice!
submitted by tahsii to adhdwomen [link] [comments]
Thank you for any advice!
2024.05.15 05:56 Consistent_Truck8467 I-130 and I485 Approved in Under 5 Months Without Interview- Uploading unsolicited evidence did it for me!
I wanted to express my gratitude to this community for all the helpful insights and information I've gained from your posts. I'm happy to share that I've just received my Green Card approval without an interview and RFE in just 4.5 months! Here's a detailed timeline of my process:
Background: F1 student married to a USC.
Jan 1, 2024: PD I-130 Applied Online (California Service Center). Receipt Block: IOE93778
Jan 4, 2024: PD I-485, I-765 (NBC). Receipt Block: IOE09238
Jan 6, 2024: I-130 status changed to "Actively Reviewing".
Jan 13, 2024: Biometric Scheduled.
Jan 31, 2024: Biometric Appointment, I-485 and I-765 status changed to "Actively Reviewing".
Feb 1, 2024: I-765 Standalone Approval.
Feb 10, 2024: SSN Received.
Feb 16, 2024: EAD Card Received.
May 5, 2024: Email Notification: "We have taken action on your case."
May 6, 2024: Email Notification: "We have taken action on your case." Contacted USCIS via Emma; representative noted both cases transferred to the Local Field Office.
May 10, 2024: Uploaded additional unsolicited evidence (Cover letter, additional pics (10), 2023 tax transcript, car insurance with both names, joint checking account statements).
May 13, 2024: Email Notification for I-130: "We have taken action on your case." Found approval letters in the document tab.
May 14, 2024: Email Notification for I-485: "We have taken action on your case." Found approval letters in the document tabs.
Evidence of Bona Fide Marriage Submitted:
Marriage certificate
25 pictures with family and friends
Travel boarding passes from 2 trips
Shared phone and utility bills
Costco membership
Beneficiary designation on life insurance
Emergency contact in my health portal
Gym memberships in both names
Tax transcripts
Car insurance in both names
Joint driver's licenses with same address
Joint bank account statements from the last 3 months
This timeline might give hope to those in a similar situation. Feel free to ask if you have any questions about the process!
Thank you all once again for the invaluable support!
submitted by Consistent_Truck8467 to USCIS [link] [comments]
Background: F1 student married to a USC.
Jan 1, 2024: PD I-130 Applied Online (California Service Center). Receipt Block: IOE93778
Jan 4, 2024: PD I-485, I-765 (NBC). Receipt Block: IOE09238
Jan 6, 2024: I-130 status changed to "Actively Reviewing".
Jan 13, 2024: Biometric Scheduled.
Jan 31, 2024: Biometric Appointment, I-485 and I-765 status changed to "Actively Reviewing".
Feb 1, 2024: I-765 Standalone Approval.
Feb 10, 2024: SSN Received.
Feb 16, 2024: EAD Card Received.
May 5, 2024: Email Notification: "We have taken action on your case."
May 6, 2024: Email Notification: "We have taken action on your case." Contacted USCIS via Emma; representative noted both cases transferred to the Local Field Office.
May 10, 2024: Uploaded additional unsolicited evidence (Cover letter, additional pics (10), 2023 tax transcript, car insurance with both names, joint checking account statements).
May 13, 2024: Email Notification for I-130: "We have taken action on your case." Found approval letters in the document tab.
May 14, 2024: Email Notification for I-485: "We have taken action on your case." Found approval letters in the document tabs.
Evidence of Bona Fide Marriage Submitted:
Marriage certificate
25 pictures with family and friends
Travel boarding passes from 2 trips
Shared phone and utility bills
Costco membership
Beneficiary designation on life insurance
Emergency contact in my health portal
Gym memberships in both names
Tax transcripts
Car insurance in both names
Joint driver's licenses with same address
Joint bank account statements from the last 3 months
This timeline might give hope to those in a similar situation. Feel free to ask if you have any questions about the process!
Thank you all once again for the invaluable support!
2024.05.15 05:56 A_person_from_Asia Soon to be homeless girl’s letter to her mom to convince her to let me stay and finish school.
Hey mom do you trust me to make my own decisions? Because I think for the first time I want something super bad and I want to fight for it. I know it’s my fault for not getting along with my host parents but I also need you to understand that I can no longer live with them. They are drunks who can’t be relied on, and I’m a kid wanting to finish high school in the US without transferring again. The moment that I was born in America you guys had plans to let me graduate high school there. So let me do that. I feel bad for being such a burden financially and emotionally. But maybe this is just a part of parenting, and I’ve been also parenting myself. I made some risky decisions and I’ve become somewhat immoral and also a bit of a degenerate. I’ve found an empty office space that I can squat in — which is a term for living there illegally without anyone knowing. But there are also empty spaces in the office that goes for about a 350$ per month which is the amount that you guys pay the host family. Since I am qualified for free lunch I can get food from school and in the weekends I can cook for myself using cheap materials. This is how I plan on living here next year and finishing my senior year mommy. And I hope that although this is less than ideal you will come to terms that this is what I want and I hope that this time you guys will let me conquer it by myself and find my own path. I’m half a year away from 18 and I feel ready to make such bold decisions for myself. I can just keep on staying in the one unlocked and unoccupied office but because of the fact that staying there without paying this is illegal I will look into renting the small office space leasing for 350$ and I think that I can have my host family to sign the lease and that you can continue to pay the 350$ to them. I’m forever thankful for everything you do for me and I need your support for continuing to move forward.
A section that I’m scared to mention to her: I’ve tested sleeping there many times. 3 nights to be exact. When they were so drunk and threatened to kill me (which i know is just bluff but I was scared and ran to the unlocked office) I slept 2 comfy nights there. Right now I chose to sleep here again because they were arguing and extremely loud. I hope this doesn’t disappoint you.
Background info, I was born in the US but my parents raised me in a different country since they never migrated to the US. When I was in 10th grade I was sent to my aunt in the USA but I didn’t get along w her and I was sent back at the end of the school year. Currently I’m a junior, my mom managed to help me stay with her friends who is my current host family. However them and I also have our problems and living with them is stressful. My mom wants me to come back home and study back in my country. But I have falled in love with my school. The building I mention is extremely close to my school which is why It’s so desired. However I am unlikely to ever send this letter to her without modifying and filtering most of the content. I wish I could be honest with her but I think I’ll chalk it up to a friend’s dad who has a place for me to stay in.
Dear internet parents, how do you feel reading this? What are some other plan of action I could take? I’m in North of Illinois and could use all the help I could get but I’ve been denied from many organizations already.
submitted by A_person_from_Asia to internetparents [link] [comments]
A section that I’m scared to mention to her: I’ve tested sleeping there many times. 3 nights to be exact. When they were so drunk and threatened to kill me (which i know is just bluff but I was scared and ran to the unlocked office) I slept 2 comfy nights there. Right now I chose to sleep here again because they were arguing and extremely loud. I hope this doesn’t disappoint you.
Background info, I was born in the US but my parents raised me in a different country since they never migrated to the US. When I was in 10th grade I was sent to my aunt in the USA but I didn’t get along w her and I was sent back at the end of the school year. Currently I’m a junior, my mom managed to help me stay with her friends who is my current host family. However them and I also have our problems and living with them is stressful. My mom wants me to come back home and study back in my country. But I have falled in love with my school. The building I mention is extremely close to my school which is why It’s so desired. However I am unlikely to ever send this letter to her without modifying and filtering most of the content. I wish I could be honest with her but I think I’ll chalk it up to a friend’s dad who has a place for me to stay in.
Dear internet parents, how do you feel reading this? What are some other plan of action I could take? I’m in North of Illinois and could use all the help I could get but I’ve been denied from many organizations already.
2024.05.15 05:55 Ok_Distribution_8805 It keeps disconnecting even though the Share Location is on
App: PairVPN
iPhone 11: iOS 17.4.1
MacBook Pro: macOS Monterey 12.7.4
Here are the details and issue:
Thank you for your assistance in advance
submitted by Ok_Distribution_8805 to Rural_Internet [link] [comments]
iPhone 11: iOS 17.4.1
MacBook Pro: macOS Monterey 12.7.4
Here are the details and issue:
- iPhone as a server; MacBook Pro as a client
- The “Share Location” button on iPhone is turned on
- The connection only lasts between 10 – 15 minutes when the iPhone screen is turned off and then it disconnects
- However, the connection seems to be just fine when the iPhone screen stays on
Thank you for your assistance in advance
2024.05.15 05:53 Ok_Distribution_8805 It keeps disconnecting even though the Share Location is on
iPhone 11: iOS 17.4.1
MacBook Pro: macOS Monterey 12.7.4
Here are the details and issue:
Thank you for your assistance in advance
submitted by Ok_Distribution_8805 to PairVPN [link] [comments]
MacBook Pro: macOS Monterey 12.7.4
Here are the details and issue:
- iPhone as a server; MacBook Pro as a client
- The “Share Location” button on iPhone is turned on
- The connection only lasts between 10 – 15 minutes when the iPhone screen is turned off and then it disconnects
- However, the connection seems to be just fine when the iPhone screen stays on
Thank you for your assistance in advance
2024.05.15 05:53 OkFriendship3996 Psychiatry/Patho/Ortho/OBG Residency from AIIMS VS MEDICAL OFFICER JOB FOR USMLE JOURNEY ( Preferred speciality in US = IM > Patho, Psychiatry )
Need an advice I am an Indian MBBS graduate ( 2023 ). I want to try for USMLE , I am sure about it.
But I haven't taken any STEPs yet.
I may get Psychiatry / Patho / all surgical branches in India ( as Medicine, Radio , Derma are highly competitive here ).
Another thing is I need money also for usmle journey , which is possible only via 2 routes, either joining pg in India/ Take a Medical officer job
So what will you suggest between these 2 options?
1.Take pg in psychiatry/ Patho / Ortho / ObsGyne & after completing 3 years residency in India prepare for USMLE
2.Join as medical officer in India & simultaneously take all 3 USMLE STEPs first...& If don't get good score/ not matched, then join Indian residency.
Thank you
submitted by OkFriendship3996 to IMGreddit [link] [comments]
But I haven't taken any STEPs yet.
I may get Psychiatry / Patho / all surgical branches in India ( as Medicine, Radio , Derma are highly competitive here ).
Another thing is I need money also for usmle journey , which is possible only via 2 routes, either joining pg in India/ Take a Medical officer job
So what will you suggest between these 2 options?
1.Take pg in psychiatry/ Patho / Ortho / ObsGyne & after completing 3 years residency in India prepare for USMLE
2.Join as medical officer in India & simultaneously take all 3 USMLE STEPs first...& If don't get good score/ not matched, then join Indian residency.
Thank you