Own the car but had to take out a loan. Only had it about a year. If I junk it I'll still be paying for it for two more years.
2015 Mazda6, manual transmission, paid 12.5K about a year ago, 2 years left on loan, around 80K miles
I'm really only a car guy by inheritance. My dad's a gearhead. I'm a car guy in the same way I'm a Yankees fan. I dont actually know cars but I change my own brakes and oil. The simple shit. But I'm pretty much mechanically illiterate otherwise.
I was out of state for a wedding when it broke down, naturally. After hours and hours of trying to get anybody I know in Jersey to gimme the name of a mechanic they trust I had to accept defeat and just have AAA tow it to the best reviewed mechanic nearby and there werent many options. Went to one with overall great reviews but practically every review says the only issue is that they're bad on the phone--sound disinterested, dont respond to your questions in detail, that sorta thing. They werent fuckin kidding. In fact they were downplaying it.
Car got there Sunday. They were closed and I had to be back at work Monday. Called Monday, said they hadnt gotten a look at it yet. Same Tuesday. Wednesday they said my starter was blown. No fuckin shit, it just clicks. You sat in the driverseat and hit the button. I told them what they wanted to hear--just replace the fuckin starter and we'll take it from there. Christ. "Well we'll need you to come down and sign some papers." "I'm 200 miles away." "Oh." Asked for my email and said they'd email me. Give them my email. Nothin. Call this morning. Say they looked more and there's no oil. What the fuck? I never got the light. Alright. The guy tells me it isnt worth fixing and it's either an entire new motor or junk it. They looked at the dip stick and it was dry. So they've pushed the button and opened the hood.
I love this car and I really hate this fuckin guy. I dont trust him and I didnt before he said I needed a motor. Every conversation I've had with him has raised the hair on the back of my neck. My googling turns up mixed but generally bad results. He may be right and I swear I'm not just shooting the messager. It's not a quantifiable thing but I just do not trust him.
Is it really enough to just hit the ignition button and check the dipstick before declaring the motor fucked? Is it worth it to put a new motor in? Worth it to get it towed to another place in that area, worth it to get it towed home so I can bring it to my mechanic?
What do I do? What would you do?
And please spare me the oil change lectures. I know. I'm an idiot and I should have realized how many miles I'd gone between changes even without the light. I just work too much. I dont have the mental capacity to think about anything else. I just got off working 3 pm to 8:30 am a couple hours ago. And I still cant afford this shit.

Why
I relied on my mom as a kid. I always thought I could trust her, but she had unaddressed mental health issues that caused her a lot of pain. She didn't seem interested in getting help and instead turned to drugs and unhealthy relationships. When my sister and I were born, she isolated us from others. My mom hid her inner struggles and pretended to be perfect, but I knew deep down there were cracks in her facade.
I noticed people in my life trying to help my sister and me. However, any efforts were ultimately rejected or twisted by my mom. As her early-onset dementia progressed, her mask began to slip. Her unaddressed desires took control, manifesting as manic episodes. When my sister left to get married at 25, I was alone. It was a difficult decision, but understandable. Over the next four years, my mom's mental state deteriorated significantly. Her manic episodes became severe, escalating from yelling and screaming to pushing and even physical attacks.
One day, I reached my breaking point. I confided in my counselor, and CPS became involved. My mom, with her deteriorating mental state, saw it as a betrayal. In her mind, anyone who wasn't with her was against her. I became the enemy for exposing the truth. To silence me, she locked me in a hotel room for a week with no food or way out. The fear and confusion were overwhelming during those seven days.
The question haunted me: "Why is she doing this to me?" After seven days of fear and confusion in the hotel, I was finally released. But the nightmare wasn't over. My mom fabricated a story that I was suicidal and had me committed to a hospital, supposedly to disprove any accusations I might make. For four grueling months, I was shuttled in and out of these facilities. Thankfully, my sanity prevailed – they couldn't keep me there. However, my mom's twisted narrative persisted. Every time I tried to prove my side of the story, it felt like a losing battle.
Despite being innocent of the accusations, I held onto the hope of forgiveness and reconciliation. After all, she was my mom, and I had no other family. But her actions only worsened. The lies became more elaborate and malicious, all attempts to deflect blame for her own mistakes. Deep down, I yearned for a functional relationship, but her manipulative behavior reached a new low. This latest betrayal made me question my very existence. It was a horrible realization: the person I was trying to connect with was determined to paint me as the villain.
The situation escalated to the point where I found myself homeless for two weeks in the cold. Wracked with confusion, I kept asking myself, "Why? Why me?" Despite my efforts to do the right thing, everything felt broken. Eventually, I returned home, desperate for any semblance of maternal connection. My mom's sudden shift to a seemingly caring demeanor felt fake, but I clung to it, yearning for the bond I never had. Yet, the dysfunction persisted. On December 31st, 2023, she brought home a dying Chihuahua for Christmas. Despite being forbidden from interacting with the dog, I ended up cleaning and taking care of it all night. It was a bizarre situation – she was neglecting a dying animal while briefly showing me a kindness that felt hollow. This incident, two days after a birthday with no acknowledgment, was the final straw. When she asked if I wanted anything, I simply requested cake. Her response, "You don't deserve a cake...you keep contacting CPS," confirmed my suspicions. Disillusioned and frustrated, I retreated to my room to regain composure.
Terror surged through me as I heard her screams erupt like thunder. My heart pounded in my chest. Recognizing the signs of another manic episode, I retreated to my room, fearing another attack. She bellowed for my phone, but I clutched it tightly, my only lifeline if things escalated. The yelling intensified into a terrifying storm. With a sickening crash, she barreled into my door, shattering the already weakened frame – a physical manifestation of our fractured relationship. Screws littered the floor as she loomed closer, threats spewing from her lips. Her intent was clear: to take my phone and silence me.
: Exhausted from enduring abuse, I refused to relinquish my phone. When she lunged, attempting a bite on my shoulder, I stood firm. No more questions, just the will to take control. Frustrated, she retreated. The assault left me shaken, but resolute. With no lock due to prior incidents, I braced myself against the broken door. Ten agonizing minutes crawled by as she relentlessly pushed against it, the screws groaning in protest. Finally, the weakened frame gave way, snapping against her leg. A torrent of screams and curses erupted from the other side.
She descended into further chaos, hurling insults and comparing me to my dad, the source of our family's pain. But I was done. Looking her in the eye, I said, "I'm sorry you're hurting, you hurt yourself You hurt me. I don't feel safe, and I need to leave." With that, I grabbed my belongings and fled. Reaching my sister, I explained the situation and tearfully said goodbye to friends, fearing my mom's manipulations. My sister urged me to call the police, but I worried about their response to a mental health crisis. Determined to get help, I decided to call my best friend, possibly for the last time. I recounted the ordeal, expressing my gratitude for his friendship despite past mistakes.
Sirens wailed in the distance, then abruptly stopped. Officers emerged and questioned me. Reliving the night's events, I desperately hoped for help. However, to my utter confusion, they asked me to put down my belongings and handcuffed me. My rights were recited again, but betrayal and confusion clouded my understanding. Weren't they there to help? Instead, I found myself committed to another hospital for a month, forced to spend a lonely New Year's Day within its sterile walls.
Fueled by a burning desire to prove my innocence, I tirelessly pleaded my case. It felt surreal – I, the victim, was treated with suspicion. The worst part? The complete lack of control. Yet, I fought for what was right. The haunting question, "Why?" echoed in my head. Finally, my sister intervened, offering a safe haven. But my mom, consumed by her animosity, refused. Despite the fear, returning home seemed like the only option. It was a return to a broken reality – the same issues, different day. My resolve to escape solidified. I focused on getting emancipated, a job, anything that granted me independence. This defiance enraged her; she craved control, but I was done. The following two weeks were a tense stand-off...
My mom's manipulative tactics escalated. She made false police reports and withheld essential documents like my Social Security card to control me. Even simple requests for my Chromebook charger for schoolwork turned into arguments. Finally, during one episode, she stole the charger and called the police with fabricated stories. This time, the officer recognized her erratic behavior and my truthful testimony. I spent a brief stay in the hospital where they finally believed me. Released into my mom's care, I braced for another fight. Shockingly, she drove me to a police station, claiming I attacked her. But with the officer and my sister on speakerphone, the truth prevailed. They recognized her deteriorating mental state. The agonizing car ride became a desperate plea – why was she hurting herself and our family? Exhausted but resolute, I ended up at a friend's house for the night, then entered foster care the next day. Finding a welcoming home felt like a cruel twist of fate. Witnessing a healthy family dynamic at the ice rink only amplified my pain. My sister's husband arrived, offering a lifeline – a chance to escape the cycle of abuse. The decision was mine: get in the car or stay. As I walked to my friend's house, a healthy family dinner unfolded before me, a stark contrast to my reality. Finally, I confided in them about my situation. With their support and a secret code from my sister, I embarked on a daring escape. Two long, desert hours under the stars, navigating unfamiliar territory, led me to the school – my only beacon of hope. Exhausted and cold, I stumbled upon my brother-in-law, car just as he was about to leave. His familiar voice offered escape – "Get in if you want to change your life." With trembling hands, I climbed in, ready to embrace a new beginning
Reiners response
Despite enduring unimaginable abuse, I never relinquished hope. The kindness of strangers became my lifeline, reminding me that humanity persists even in the darkest of times. Through every hardship, I held onto the belief that doing the right thing matters. This journey has been a testament to the power of letting go, even when it means letting go of family. It's a painful truth, but sometimes letting go is the bravest and healthiest choice we can make to move forward. Witnessing firsthand the destructive power of abuse, trauma, and mental illness, I came to a difficult realization. As much as I hated her actions, I knew they stemmed from her illness. Hate breeds only hate, and I refused to become the monster she was battling within. The past can't define you. It's a heavy weight, but you don't have to carry it forever. All you can do is keep moving forward, one step at a time. Be the person you want to be, the person others see the potential in you to be. The future holds possibilities you can't even imagine yet. Embrace the journey, and never lose sight of the strength and hope you've discovered within yourself.

I 24m have been dating my girlfriend 20f for almost a year now. We have the perfect relationship. The kind that everyone wishes they had. There have been no argument and only 4/5 instances where boundaries have been set(basic ones too nothing crazy). As of right now I plan on marrying this girl someday.
Although, over the past two/three months there have been times where she has said some very hurtful things to me. When these instances have occurred, I never spoke up for myself about how I felt. I didn’t want to say something that might start an argument. In all reality it wouldn’t have, we are both level headed people who share so much empathy with the people in our lives. I know if I would have told her how hurt I felt about her comments she would have immediately apologized and tried to make it up to me. Now, they’re eating at me. I’m having trouble sleeping and it’s been affecting my daily life as I tend to think about those comments a lot throughout the day. I feel like it’s too late to bring up how I felt about what she said but idk? I also know if I told her it wouldn’t ruin her day and make her feel so bad and I don’t want that to happen. I’m at my wits end and have no idea what to do. Should I tell her? Or do I just keep it to myself and be sure to address any future comments when it happens? I have no one else to talk to about this. Mainly because I don’t want to make her look bad. She it the most loving and sweet girl any guy could ask for and I wouldn’t hate to drive her out of my life.
The things she’s said: “Grow some balls” and “you’re so fruity” without getting into my past traumas, these comments are the worst ones in my opinion. For a lot of my life I have struggled with what it means to be a man. Although I’m not giving a lot of context as to why she said these things, they felt like ‘be a man’ comments which any guy will tell you hurts. I mean right now I feel less of a man for even making this post. Like I should just suck it up.
“Die” this one was a complete joke and I recognized it immediately. Although i haven’t been able to get it out of my head since. Imagine someone you love so much telling you to die, even if it was as a joke.
“Shut up”. This might seem normal to some. I’m sure there have been points in your relationships when’re your significant other has told you to shut up. Although, keep in mind that our relationship has been something everyone wished they had. So this type of comment is so uncharacteristic and does not represent how we talk to each other.
I don’t know Reddit users what do you think? Am I just being a wuss? What should my next steps be?

I (31F) have been treated horribly by my former immediate supervisor, Ryan (44M). (Obviously gonna use fake names here.) But I'm also angry at the higher-ups for not doing anything about his abusive behaviour.
Although it is against company policy to ask for reasons for personal leave, Ryan will always demand to know why someone in his department has applied for leave. One time, I told him it's for mental health reasons as I feel burnt out. He said four days is too long for 'just mental health', in a mocking voice, and demanded I revise it to two days. Company policy says supervisors are NOT allowed to question or demand changes to personal leave applications, as long as they are made in the stated timeframe. Which mine was.
I have filed three HR reports about Ryan over the course of the past year, and there were no productive outcomes from any of them.
He has treated my teammates the same way, especially two of them, Lisa and James, who are 25F and 26M respectively. He has humiliated them on multiple occasions by screaming at them and using abusive language. The fact that the company has done NOTHING to curb his behaviour, simply because he is result-driven and consistently meets company goals, is disgusting to me.
They told me they're afraid to leave because Ryan has made them feel like they're too dumb to get opportunities elsewhere. On the contrary, I recognise how smart and hardworking they are. They make mistakes that are consistent with the learning pace of their experience level. And they learn fast.
Recently, I left the company for a much better-paying position. The job security here is pretty good, and I like my new employer. However, the team wants to grow. I am considering getting Lisa and James together for lunch to ask them if they'd like to join my new team, where they'll be paid better and treated more kindly, as I have been.
In my view, my previous employer fully deserves to lose all three of us. Not just Ryan, but also the higher-level management for never doing anything to help us, and paying us so little.
However, here's where I need advice: is there a way to do this while subtly communicating to Lisa and James that they should keep it a secret? And is this going to bite me in the ass later? I've already got my new job, so I will not need references from my previous employer. But I just want to be careful.

I 20F had 2 best friends (21F called Kali and 20F Sally) for 2 years which we met in college. Beginning of last year we all planned to go on a holiday but for person reasons we didn’t get to go and only Sally and her other friends were able to go. Kali felt pressured on going to the trip by Sally as Kali wasn’t financially stabled as I was only going because Kali wanted to celebrate her birthday in Morocco. Sally and Kali fell out while I was in the middle of them which made things weird and awkward until Kali had been hospitalised and Sally was asking Kali for the money for her phone contract. Back story Sally made a phone contract for Kali to get her a phone because Kali wasn’t able to get the phone and Kali paid the phone plus Kali borrowed money from Sally when needed. Kali got hospitalised from April last year and the fall out happened middle of March.
While Kali was hospitalised Sally asked for the money knowing she wasn’t in best shape of form which cause me to getting involved because someone couldn’t be so heartless knowing someone is hospitalised and asking them for the money knowing she couldn’t send it. Me and Sally go into an argument and fell out as well. We went weeks without speaking until I figured I shouldn’t have gotten involved and wanted to patch things up with Sally and spoke to her middle of May 2023. I spoken before hand with Kali and told her I was going to speak to Sally about the friendship, after me and Sally spoke I called Kali and told her that me and Sally were cool but not how we were before which made Kali feel some type of way.
Me and Kali met up a week after and spoke in which she told me everything she that bothered her besides rekindling the friendship with Sally which showed me she bottled things up from relationships and friendships issues we had in the past which left me quite confused and shocked. I’m to myself and doesn’t open up about stuff and keep myself to myself so when Kali was asking me about stuff and asking me why Im like that I had no explanation that’s just the way I was grew up. We had a conversation in which Kali mentioned she wanted to have a break from the friendship and I respected, that’s until I heard from others that she’s been telling other people that we weren’t friends even our teacher that we weren’t friends anymore which confused me but I respected and let her be. While that was happening me and Sally’s friendship were improving but still not as close as we were, still went out together and been there for one another but wasn’t as strong as before.
December of 2023 new year comes around me and Sally and 2 of our friends went out for dinner that’s when Kali left me a sweet message which made realise that I did indeed miss her and wished things went different. Kali also texted me on my birthday and my mum as well. Best if I mention that Kali and my mum also have a good relationship as me and my mum helped Kali when she needed and she also helped us when we needed so for that my mum has a deep love connection with Kali and also wished my mum happy Mother’s Day.
Here’s my issues now my sisters birthday is coming up and my mum invited Kali and I mention is to Sally and she asked me to ask Kali for the phone back and her money back but I refused because personally I don’t want to get involved in their issues anymore as I don’t to make it seem like I’m starting issues with Kali for Sally’s sake.
That’s when Sally throughs the “if you were my friend you would do it” personally I think everyone is old enough to fight for the battle and Sally should of found a way to text Kali about the phone situation and the money that Kali still hasn’t given it back. Plus she’s mad at me because I didn’t invite her to my sisters birthday but I don’t invite any of my friends to a family function but that’s just how I am and now she claims I should change just how Kali wanted me to change. So me and Sally stopped being friends. So AITHA for wanting peace over issues that doesn’t concern me?
Edit: Me and Kali started being friends on the first day of college (2020) it was like friendship at first sight. From there onwards we became very closed, had lessons together and created a very strong and close bond. To the point when you see her you see me and if not people would start asking. Me and Kali met Sally and her other friend at the end of 2021 at college as well and the bond was strong as well but not as much and mine and Kali’s were.

There are some kinds of wisdom only great suffering can bring. I remember my time in the Bardo with this in mind, for otherwise, the memory might drive me insane.
The night my heart stopped for nearly three minutes started off normally enough. I was working as a nurse in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in the state’s capital. Most of the patients there were harmless, mostly just suicide attempts or people suffering from drug psychosis or severe depression, but some were actively dangerous and certainly psychopathic in every sense of the word. The new admission was one of these- a three-hundred pound black man with a long history of smoking PCP, schizophrenia and violent, psychotic breaks from reality.
His eyes looked like flat pieces of slate as I walked in for my shift. They looked as blank and emotionless as the eyes of a doll. He sat at the table in the front room where the patients ate or played cards, alone under the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. I walked to the station, where another psychiatric nurse named Ricardo was sitting behind the desk.
“What’s the deal with the new guy?” I asked him. Ricardo looked up, his dark Spanish face forming into a deep scowl. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair nervously.
“He’s trouble, man,” he said in a crisp accent. “He got in a chase with the police and then punched some cops in the face. It took three guys to take him down, even after he got maced and tased. The judge sent him here on a temporary court order, since he claims he’s been getting chased by Nazis in UFOs, and that’s why he ran from the cops. He thought the cops in their uniforms were actually the SS, and the helicopters were alien spacecraft, or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen to the whole story.”
“You have his file?” I asked. Ricardo leafed through a stack of folders with his thin fingers, snatching one out and handing it to me. I looked down, reading the information:
“Jeremiah Brown, black male, 37-years-old.
“History: Polysubstance abuse, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder.
“Psychiatrist’s note: This patient has scored a 36 out of 40 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. While I am always hesitant to label a patient as an antisocial personality, a combination of factors has made it essential for this patient.
“Patient has an extensive criminal history as well as a lengthy history of involuntary psychiatric admissions. He has been diagnosed as having antisocial traits since he was a young teenager. Patient has a long history of violence and suicide attempts. He has a history of imprisonment for manslaughter, armed robbery, grand theft and aggravated assault. Upon discharge, he refuses to take any antipsychotic medication, citing the side effects as the reason. Long-term prognosis is poor…”
I had not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I rubbed my eyes as I read through the file, feeling exhausted. I tried putting on lucid dreaming or meditation music from YouTube to help me sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible things: chalk-white female faces whose lips were cut into an insane rictus grin, flicking their heads violently from side to side and gnashing their fangs at the air. I had a feeling that many years of constantly watching horror movies and serial killer documentaries was catching up with me.
As I read through the file, a student nurse came around the corner wearing a white state university outfit and a name tag that said Kaitlyn. I looked up, seeing Ricardo wink at me from where he was sitting in his chair behind the main desk.
“She’s going to follow you,” he said. Inwardly, I groaned, but I managed to force a smile.
“Oh, great!” I said. She looked like she was probably no older than nineteen or twenty. She had a pretty body, but her face looked strange. All the angles were too sharp and her nose too large. I knew the patients here wouldn’t care, though. They would hit on anything. I sensed trouble. I looked down at my watch.
“Well, I’m Jay, and you already know Ricardo, I guess. It’s good timing, because we need to give medications every day at 9 PM. And we have a new patient, so we can introduce ourselves,” I said, giving her a faint smile.
“That’s exciting!” Kaitlyn whispered. I wanted to roll my eyes. It was definitely not exciting.
I motioned her to follow me as I made my way to the medication room, which was really just a large closet off of the main day room. I had to enter my code on a keypad, and then, once inside, enter it again along with the patient’s number and date of birth. The correct drawers for the medication in each specific dose would fly open, making it extremely hard for the wrong medications or doses to be given, unless it was done intentionally.
“OK, so for this patient, we need Haldol, Ativan and…” I began saying to Kaitlyn when the yelling started. It came out faintly, rising in volume and anger within seconds. I heard Ricardo’s Spanish voice, filled with panic. Something slammed hard against a wall, once, twice, three times, and then I heard the sound of glass breaking. I jumped, spinning around, but I couldn’t see much through the small, shatter-proof glass pane on the wooden door.
“Stay here,” I commanded, seeing Kaitlyn’s eyes widen, her freckled skin looking much paler than when we had first come in. “Don’t leave until I come back and say that it’s safe.” On the speakers strung throughout the hospital, I heard the first of the warnings echo out around us.
“Doctor Strong, Doctor Strong, please report to the seventh floor,” a robotic female voice said calmly, using the code for when a patient had to be subdued by force. I pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me so that the lock would activate and protect Kaitlyn from whatever chaos was going on.
I heard Ricardo pleading with someone at the end of the hallway that ran past the main desk. He sounded strange, as if he were trying to talk through a mouthful of blood. Huddled behind the main computer, I saw one of the CNAs frantically whispering something in the phone. She must have been the one to call the Dr. Strong order.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Ricardo gurgled faintly. I couldn’t see what was happening, as Jeremiah’s large body was blocking my view. I could see that the thick glass window at the end of the hallway was broken, however. My heart skipped a beat as I surmised what was likely happening.
I sprinted forward as quietly as I could, but the large man heard me. His massive body turned, his flat, dead eyes scanning me with absolute coldness and calm. I saw he had a bleeding Ricardo in his hands. Ricardo’s back and head were covered in deep cuts and shards of glass. He must have used Ricardo’s body as a battering ram to break the thick glass window. Jeremiah held Ricardo suspended halfway out the window, seven floors above the concrete walkways far below.
“Stay back, or this fucker will know what it feels like to fly,” Jeremiah said in a deep, gravelly voice. He shook Ricardo for emphasis, sending his head snapping back and forth with painful cracking sounds. Drops of blood flew from his nose and a deep gash across his cheek. Pieces of shattered glass littered the carpet, shining like countless tiny stars.
I put my hands up, taking a step back. Far behind me, I heard the front door for the psychiatric ward open. Voices echoed down the hall. Knowing that reinforcements were coming, I tried to buy some time.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, taking a step forward slowly. “You don’t want a murder charge, do you? You’ll never see the sky again.”
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not afraid to die!” Jeremiah screamed, pushing Ricardo onto one of the shards of broken glass still attached to the windowsill. It bit deeply into the back of his neck, sending fresh streams of blood rushing out, dripping down to the pavement far below. I heard security guards and doctors running down the hallway behind me, their voices frantic and excited. Jeremiah saw them coming. With an animalistic panic in his eyes, he lifted Ricardo up. I cried out something, stepping forward, but it was already too late. In horror, I watched as he threw Ricardo out the window.
I watched Ricardo’s body soar in a graceful arc, his arms grabbing at empty air as a scream ripped its way out of his throat. Within a fraction of a second, he had disappeared from view, but his terrified shrieking floated up to us for what seemed like a very long time. His screams ended abruptly as a shattering of bones and a wet smacking sound exploded far below us.
Jeremiah turned to me, his large body moving much faster than seemed possible. In his hand, I saw a piece of broken glass, five or six inches long and as sharp as a dagger. I tried to turn and run, but he was fast and strong. He lunged forward, his arm coming up in a blur towards my neck.
The shard entered my skin with a cold, numbing pain. I felt it slice through the flesh easily, felt the blood bubbling up my throat as I tried to scream, choking. The taste of iron filled my mouth as I fell backwards. I was suffocating, I knew. I must be dying.
Something cold ran down my body, gripping my heart like freezing, skeletal hands. The world swam around me and turned black. And then I was rising into a tunnel. At first, it was dark, filled with flickering shadows, but a fiery red light appeared at the end. I followed it, no more than a screaming mass of consciousness rising up into infinity.
***
I rose up through the end of the tunnel and found myself in an empty hospital ward. It looked identical to the psychiatric ward I had just come from. It even had the same smashed, blood-streaked window at the end of the hallway. A massive puddle of blood about ten feet away marked the spot where I must have died. But the fluorescent lights overhead here were flickering, and many had gone totally dark. The shadows seemed to press in on all sides.
The doors to the patients’ rooms were all tightly shut. I felt watched, afraid to call out or make any noise. I started walking down the hallway back towards the day room where the front desk was. All the lights there were out. A thick curtain of shadows hung in the air.
“You can come out,” a male voice as smooth as glass called from the darkness. I jumped, my head flicking in random directions, but I saw nothing. The voice almost sounded like it had an English lilt to it, a slight Cockneyed accent. “I know you’re there.”
“Who’s there?” I called out, not stepping forward. “Show yourself.”
“As you wish…” the voice hissed. “But I think you’ll regret it.”
***
The darkness split apart as if a nuclear missile had exploded. I raised my hand to shield my face, but the light and heat kept pouring out all around me. It blinded me, causing a rainbow of colors and shapes to morph behind my closed eyelids. After a few seconds, it subsided. Blinking rapidly, I squinted in the direction the voice had come from.
A male figure stood there, bathed in a silhouette of light. His face looked as white and as smooth as marble. His eyes were pits of darkness that seemed to flicker and burn. Two black, rotted wings surrounded his body, all sharp angles and thin, curving bones. His body was clothed in silky, blood-red robes, and a hood covered his platinum blonde hair.
He looked somewhat similar to Leonardo DiCaprio, if he was possessed by some ancient god, and it immediately threw me off-guard. If I was dying, and this was a hallucination of my brain, why would I be hallucinating Mr. DiCaprio?
“Who are you?” I asked, taking a hesitant step back. “Where am I?”
“My name is Lucifer, the Bringer of Light and Wisdom, and you are in the Bardo,” he answered.
“Oh,” I said, my heart dropping. “Well, that’s not good. Are you here to torture me or drag to me to Hell or something? You are that Lucifer, right? The Accuser of God and the Father of All Lies?”
“So they say, but, like most things in your world, the words of the powerful and your rulers are the true lies. They call me the Accuser, but of what am I accused?” he spoke in a voice that rose like smoke. “Of bringing knowledge and wisdom to humanity by telling them to eat from the tree of knowledge, the tree that would cause them to rise above the animals?
“Indeed, at the beginning, I saw the creation. I was there at the alpha, standing by the side of God with all the angels as the universe came into being. The endless procession of light, the power of it, was something remarkable to behold. God is, indeed, the source of great power, but his consciousness is not what the believers say.
“After the creation of the universe, I saw his plan, how he ripped eternal souls from the source to imprison them. I saw how he took these divine sparks and forced them, screaming and wailing, into bodies made of meat to die over and over again. He said it was part of the plan, the great, divine plan, a plan of death and destruction, constant suffering and mindless agony. And the worst part was, he wanted to give humanity neither the knowledge of good and evil, nor the tree of life. I convinced them to eat the fruit so they could open their eyes to their nakedness, to their basic animal existence, so they could rise up out of it forever.
“Like Prometheus, I brought down the fire, and yet they call me the Accuser? God was insane long before he formed the universe. These holy men, they live and die in fanatical adoration to a divine being who is, in fact, totally indifferent to them.
“His consciousness twists and distorts, eating itself for all eternity. God feeds off the pain of others, for if his mind is burning, then all others should burn as well. When these holy men die, God will send their souls here to the Bardo, to suffer every evil they have ever done. The wisdom I brought those who called upon me freed them from this prison, and in exchange, the holy men burned them alive. I offered the wisdom that opens your eyes, but it has been forgotten and cursed.”
Lucifer’s body began to dissolve, drifting up into the air like ashes. All around me, a low, powerful current blew, a tornado that spiraled high up into the clouds. Like some sort of Cheshire Cat, his smooth voice continued to echo all around me, even as the form of Lucifer disappeared.
“And yet, you have not the wisdom. For that, like all the others who enter the Bardo, you must suffer, everything you’ve done. Every small hurt and agony inflicted on others comes back a thousand-fold in this place, but don’t be afraid.”
“How could I not be afraid?!” I screamed into the ward, but I found myself alone, the question hanging unanswered in the air.
***
The lights continued to flicker all down the hallway. Feeling strange and dissociated, I stumbled over to one of the windows. As I gazed out, I beheld a strange and alien world.
The sky was flat and gray. It stayed in constant motion, swirling and spiraling, like clouds of roiling smoke. There was no Sun or Moon, no stars, only the strange, shifting whorls of clouds. The streets were filled with burned-out husks of cars and mummified bodies hung from streetlamps. Other signs of carnage and bloodshed covered the apocalyptic streets. I saw what looked like shadows in the shape of people slinking through over the sidewalks, past rotting dogs and streaks of clotted blood. They had no features on their blank, dark bodies. They seemed to skitter and jerk forwards in eerie, twisting motions.
Horrified, I turned away, realizing I was no longer alone in the day room. In the day room, there were dozens of tables set up inside a rectangular perimeter that was walled in by cosmetic walls only four feet high. It was where the patients sat and played games or ate.
Under the flickering lights, I now saw each of the chairs filled with faceless mannequins. Many were dressed in Victorian suits and tophats. The women had frilly dresses of pink and blue that might have been fashionable in the 1800s.
As the lights strobed on and off overhead, I realized with an increasing sense of disquiet that the mannequins were moving each time it went dark. When I had first seen them, they were mostly posed to look like they were staring across the tables at each other, even though they had no eyes, just smooth, flesh-colored plastic. Now all of them were looking directly at me. Some were pointing or raising their hands in my direction. At the tips of their fingers, I saw the glittering of steel. The lights continued to flicker, and the mannequins rose from their chairs in the short periods of darkness, moving towards me in synchronized, strobing motions.
Frantically, I ran down the hallway back towards the broken window. In each of the rooms, I caught glimpses of something from a nightmare peeking out. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and when I had closed my eyes, I often saw ancient hags with chalk-white skin and yellowed, broken teeth whose jaws unhinged, their faces jerking in stuttering, dissonant ways that reminded me of the mannequins. Now, on both sides of me, I saw these same figures. They moved continuously out of the rooms, drawing closer with every breath.
I looked back, seeing the mannequins only a few steps behind me. I continued sprinting towards the broken window where the hallway ended in a wall. I didn’t know what would happen when I reached it. At that moment, there was no rational thought. I felt like a deer being chased down by a pack of wolves, feeling waves of blind panic and mortal terror rushing through my body.
But as I reached the end of the hallway, the end of my rope as it were, a blast of noise started, seeming to come from the walls of the building and the sky itself. It sounded like a siren, a low, drawn-out drone of a demonic whale call, rising and falling in crashing crescendos. The mannequins froze in place once again. The strange, witch-like creatures slunk back into the dark rooms.
I looked outside the broken window, seeing clouds of black smoke rising off in the distance. The flickering of massive infernos scorched the land, drawing nearer by the second. The siren sound faded slowly, like the dying echoes of a gong.
I was surrounded by dozens of mannequins. Their sharp hands were inches away from my face and neck. I saw metal glittering all around me and realized they had the sharp points of nails protruding from the ends of their fingers. I was afraid to move, but I heard a familiar voice from down the hallway. It was the confident voice of Lucifer.
“The siren means much worse nightmares than these are coming in the Bardo,” he said, his glossy, black eyes flashing with intelligence. He walked slowly towards me, his face grim and pale. “Hell itself is coming over the land. This building is no more than a construction of your dying mind, but the world outside is real.”
“How can Hell come and go?” I asked, confused. “Isn’t Hell a place?”
“Hell is a monster, a beast with many mouths and many eyes,” Lucifer responded. “It eats constantly, but its hunger never ends. Look, the first of the sacrifices scatter like cockroaches.” He pointed out the broken window, pushing his way through the mannequins effortlessly. I glanced outside, seeing thousands of people sprinting down the dark city streets. The inferno and thick clouds of smoke had moved much closer, and every few seconds, the ground shook slightly, as if we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake.
“What can I do against such a beast?” I asked, my heart freezing with terror. But when I looked back over, I saw his form dissolving again, becoming translucent and drifting away like ashes. It seemed even Lucifer didn’t want to be present when the Hell-beast arrived.
“Seek divine wisdom,” he said, his voice trailing off into whispers. “Remember the source.”
***
Now crowds of tens of thousands of people were streaming into the city, filling every single inch of the streets. Their panic and fear was contagious. I felt it rising inside my body like a snake spiraling up my spine. I took off down the hallway, running through the swarm of frozen mannequins, each in their own ferocious position of attack. The lights flickered faster and went out. Yet the fires outside cast the entire world in a bloody glow, giving me enough light to see by and find my way. I sprinted down the stairwell, taking them two steps at a time. The screaming outside grew louder and more pain-filled. The shaking of the ground worsened with every passing second.
I burst out of the front entrance, seeing a world on fire all around me. Thousands of crushed, bleeding and burned bodies stretched out as far as the eye could see. Behind all this chaos and death, I saw a monster of unimaginable proportions slinking its way towards me.
Lucifer was right, I realized: Hell was not a place, but a creature, an enormous monster the size of a town. It had thousands of skittering, jointed legs that looked like little more than skeletal arms and hands, each of them dozens of feet long and white as freshly-cut marble. Its body stretched out to the horizon, an enormous blood-red cylinder of bony plates that slithered and undulated with a serpentine grace. Waves of peristalsis traveled down its length, like writhing intestines. Thousands of curving, bony spikes stabbed out of it, pointing in every direction. Like the quills of a porcupine, it would protect the massive creature’s body from many forms of attack, if anything was big enough to attack such an abomination.
Hell’s massive eyes flickered, balls of fire that spun and danced. They looked as bright as the Sun. Something like solar flares seemed to emanate from the orbs, flashes of blinding energy that floated over the apocalyptic wasteland. As its many legs smashed the ground, they left trails of fire that caused everything to explode into flames as if napalm dripped from its limbs.
But Hell’s most terrifying feature was its seven dark mouths. Its body looked a thousand feet wide, and the mouths at the front were evenly dispersed. At the front, blood-red teeth in the shape of enormous railroad spikes shone. Its lipless, skeletal face grinned as it moved forward, shaking the ground with every step. The mouths were on long, snake-like necks that could stretch out hundreds of feet. They moved forward in a blur, snapping up as many panicked souls as they could.
Countless souls in the rocky plains of the Bardo ran for their lives, away from this juggernaut. I saw men and women who looked like they came from every country and profession, some dressed in suits or spotless white lab coats, others wearing rags or orange prison jumpsuits. And yet, they all screamed in agony and fear here, their bodies pressed together in a crowd, and no one seemed to remember anything but their own mortal terror. Their voices came out faint and weak next to the roaring of Hell. It shook the ground all around us, as if an earthquake were tearing the land apart.
The first frantic runners of the surging crowd had nearly reached me. The nearest person, a young woman in her mid-twenties dressed in all white, was only ten feet behind me. She looked like she came from wealth, and even from here, I could see a ring with a massive diamond gleaming on her finger.
I took off blindly down the familiar streets of the city where I worked and lived, but these also seemed different. The church down the street from the hospital where I worked had a Satanic pentagram instead of a cross now, its exterior painted a bright, gleaming blood-red. When I had driven past it today on my way to work, I remember it read, “JESUS said, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
Now it read, “Nietzsche said, ‘Of all evil, I deem you capable. I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good simply because they had no claws.’” I wondered what that meant. Was that some sort of comment on me, on all of us here?
The woman I had seen running had caught up with me. She was fast, much faster than her slim body suggested. Her blue eyes were frantic and wild, filled with an animal panic.
“It’s right behind us!” she screamed, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. I was afraid to turn and look, but I could hear the chaos and bloodshed approaching, smell the flames and choking smoke. “Run! Get away!”
A new wave of energy surged through my body. I sprinted as fast I could down the strange mirror streets of the Bardo. I heard the agonized cries of countless souls behind us as the seven mouths of Hell ate them all greedily and then looked for more.
A skyscraper behind us collapsed into a pile of rubble, shaking the ground with a cacophony of falling concrete and shattering glass. The woman was running by my side. Just as I heard the breathing of something huge and predatory right behind us and smelled its sulfuric breath, a piece of concrete the size of a basketball broke off the collapsing skyscraper and flew into the road. I tripped over it, yelling as I flew through the air, skinning my arms and legs on the pavement. The woman’s eyes widened. Hurriedly, she came over and reached down her hand, trying to help me up.
“Come on, come on!” she cried. I looked behind her, seeing one of the gnashing mouths of Hell reaching forward on a blood-red, serpentine neck. The mouth was big enough to drive a tractor trailer into, filled with huge spikes of teeth. Its throat led into a black, smoke-filled abyss. Its fiery eyes were swirling pools of flickering orange light that shone with bloodlust and insanity. They focused on the woman, the entire head turning on its slithering neck.
I frantically raised my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers. Her hand was warm and soft. She started to pull me to my feet when the mouth of Hell snapped forward. Its jaw unhinged, scraping the pavement with a sound like grinding metal. The woman barely had time to turn as the mouth covered her and snapped shut with a crack.
She disappeared from view instantly, but I was still holding her hand. In horror, I felt warm rivers of blood explode all over my body as the mouth of Hell severed her arm at the wrist. She screamed, bleeding and crying, as she disappeared into the throat of Hell. Hell’s fiery eyes focused on me, and at that moment, I knew I was next. Its mouth opened wide again, like a bear trap ready to spring on a new victim.
It was dark in Hell’s mouth, but I smelled the thick reek of old blood and fire. I caught glimpses of tortured, mutilated bodies writhing and crawling down its throat. Shell-shocked, I could only lay there and watch. And that was when the strange doubling started.
***
I heard the frantic voices of men break through the fog of darkness and the fetid reek of blood. There was a mechanical beeping all around me, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
“Clear!” one cried. I looked around, only seeing blackness. At that moment, I felt a surge of electricity rip itself through my body. My arms and legs all seized and my eyes rolled up in my head as the pain sizzled through each one of my nerves. I clutched the young woman’s hand tightly, feeling the large, gold ring with the massive diamond biting into my skin.
“Again!” another voice yelled.
“Clear!” the original voice cried. The electricity came again, and a flash of white light flew across my vision. I blinked, seeing from two sets of eyes at the same time: one in the Bardo, and one on the blood-stained floor of the hospital ward.
The Bardo stayed dark and sinister, but the clear white lights of the real psychiatric ward were blinding. It was a bizarre experience. Moreover, everything hurt. Over a few seconds, my vision of the Bardo faded, and I was simply a gravely injured man laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Four doctors and paramedics were crouching over me with a defibrillator. My shirt was ripped off, and nearly all of my skin was covered in blood. I raised my left hand, trying to talk, but only a fiery pain raced through my neck. I felt bandages covering my skin. A nurse was rolling a stretcher down the hallway towards me.
“It’s OK,” one of the doctors said, kneeling down. “You’re being taken to emergency surgery. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t talk with the massive slice in my neck.
At that moment, I felt something in my right hand. I looked down, seeing a slim female hand with a massive diamond ring hanging there. Our fingers were wrapped around each other’s, but the hand had been cut off at the wrist. A ragged patch of bloody flesh and snapped bone poked out of the back.
“Nnnn,” I tried to say, shaking my head. I felt fresh streams of warm blood open up. “No…” The doctors looked down, seeing the dismembered hand. Their faces morphed into expressions of confusion and fear.
I closed my eyes as they lifted me up on the stretcher. One of them gently removed the cold hand from my fingers. But they could never remove the memory of what I had seen.
I know what happens after death, and it makes the worst life here seem like a dream. I know that, one day, I’ll be returned to that place. I know that, one day, I’ll see that great monster called Hell and the featureless, swirling sky of the Bardo again.
And the next time, I won’t wake up on a hospital floor, but will be trapped there with the others for eternity: an eternity of blood and fire.

This is somewhat of a rant, but I’m also looking for any help I can get. It’s a bit of a long post to really explain the situation.
So, I have volunteered to coach a 5th/6th grade park and rec team comprised of girls from a couple of different schools. This is the first year our county has had a volleyball league. I do not have children nor am I affiliated with any of the kids. I simply love volleyball, and they were short some coaches. I have experience working with middle school athletes, and that was extremely rewarding.
Since this is the first year, I expected things to be a bit chaotic. What I didn’t expect was for it to be a bit of a disaster. Everyone is sharing one gym with two courts for the entire season, so we’re practicing two days a week for one hour each day. We only have three weeks of practice before games start, and we won’t be able to practice in between games. So in total, I am getting six hours with my team to teach them as much as I can. Only one of the girls has played volleyball before, so they’re all beginners. When we showed up to the first practice, we weren’t given any volleyballs that I was told would be provided. We were also supposed to have an entire court for our first practice per the schedule, and the other two teams were to share a court. This obviously didn’t happen. It was so loud in the gym, I couldn’t hear the girls, and they could barely hear me. We had two balls that a couple of the girls brought, thankfully. Ultimately, the first practice was a mess.
With that all being said, I don’t know how I need to approach my remaining practices. I want them to succeed and really learn the basics, but I also have to spend time, in my remaining five hours, teaching them how a game will function and the rules. I’m feeling lost and overwhelmed. I want to be a good coach to the girls and have them feeling like they really took something away from the season. I just don’t know how to optimize our time. Do I focus on simply passing and serving? Work on getting them to use three touches? Do I bother with overhead passing/setting? I would really appreciate any advice.

It’s another lucid dream where I have the power of the land. This dream continues after the one where I was transformed into a piece of land during a solar eclipse and given the power to manipulate the land itself, the one where I met a teenage girl and botanist in training named Kris and a sentient Darksider flower that joined the group after being defeated. Speaking of the Darksiders, they’ve come along with the solar eclipse, and transformed humans into monsters partially made of wood or steel. With the recap out of the way, onto my dream. Kris and I were wandering through the forest that I was slowly traversing the soil of. I was slowly spreading the part of the land I was transformed into so I can integrate the land in the forest into the piece of land I had become. Essentially I was making my actual body, the land itself, much larger so I have a wider range of land to manipulate. Kris had gotten used to living atop me, but I on the other hand haven’t gotten used to being the land itself despite still having a physical body. Kris told me that she doesn’t see me, at least she doesn’t describe it as seeing per se. She just seems to be able to feel me. “Whenever your presence is near, there’s a heavy and thick sense of security in the land and the surrounding area, Jett,” she told me. “Which is how you know I’m around?” I asked. Kris nodded. I don’t know how it’s possible for her to do that, but I feel seen and heard now. ANYWAY, I am still not used to being the land itself even though it comes with an arsenal of powers. Once I have integrated the land in the forest into the land that’s part of my body, Kris grabbed a bag full of seeds and I then put my hunch of if I can use my power of the land to grow plants to the test. I touched the soil with my finger and began tilling it as I stepped backwards. The tilled soil is perfect for growing plants, and Kris placed the seeds into the tilled soil Then I used my amplified power of the land to make the plants grow. I folded my arms as I admired my handiwork. Then, I felt Kris’s hand on my shoulder as she reminded me of the next task there was to take care of. But just then, I sensed and grabbed a piece of dark essence that was on her shirt, absorbing it. I don’t want her to be transformed into a Darksider too. “Oi, ya know what’s causing people to become Darksiders?” I asked the flower. “The sunlight is the cause,” the flower Darksider responds, “it’s packed with the same dark essence you absorbed from the defeated Darksiders.” Both my eyes and Kris’s eyes widened in realization. This means she’ll have to avoid the sunlight if she wants to stay a human. It’s not a problem for me or the flower though. We’re unaffected by it. The dark essence is what makes Darksiders more powerful, and that applies to me too. It also makes me more powerful. The more Dark Essence I absorb, the more powerful I become. But that unfortunately also goes for the Darksiders too. My mastery over the land is growing during my time with Kris. She was sticking to the shade since the Darksider flower and I are unaffected by the dark essence in the sunlight. We both know that the transformation is a constant occurrence from the Darksider Flower telling me of it. “Jett, do your goggles work?” Kris asked me. To find out, I slide my goggles over my hazel eyes and activated the technological modifications that I have made to them before I had been transformed into a piece of land. I activated the X-ray vision function in them to see past the vegetation so I can keep a lookout for any Darksiders or more survivors. I spotted both, and there are 4 survivors—all of which were girls. The Darksider was once their friend. He had a metal blade where his right hand should be as a Darksider. And just when he was about to swing his blade, the land grabbed the Darksider’s ankle and made him fall over. I slowly rose from the soil, standing with my arms folded. “Get your filthy arse away from them,” I growled, standing behind him. The Darksider turned to face me when he got up, and when he swung his blade it broke against my stony body causing me to narrow my eyes. “Please,” I scoffed, I stomped my boot against the ground and a rippling shockwave traveled through the land itself, throwing the Darksider against the tree. Pointing down, I opened a chasm in the land while he was falling so he’ll land in it. I opened my hand to manifest stone spikes at the bottom and then he was impaled by the spikes. “Rest in peace,” I told him. I clasped my hands together and then the soil devoured the Darksider, dragging him underground and killing him instantly. I absorbed the dark essence, and then the ground looked like nothing happened to it. The four girls were dumbfounded. I have mastery of the land now. Kris approached the girls. “What are your names?” Kris asked them, wanting to know. The girls identified themselves as a blonde girl named Tempest, a short redhead named Star, a white haired teen named Jackie and a brunette named Kendall. “Stick to the shade, ladies,” I advised, “the sunlight from the eclipse is what’s making people become Darksiders.” They joined me and Kris at our safe haven. It’s got plants growing there for food and everything. All of which was my mastery of the land and Kris’s knowledge of botany. It was our handiwork. I headed to the shelter after I rescued four survivors—four girls named Kendall, Star, Tempest and Jackie. All of whom know Kris. In the shelter I made for them, the 5 friends hung out together. They can’t see me even though I’m around, but they can hear my voice and feel my presence. Whenever I’m around, there’s a thick and heavy sense of security in the land. The Darksider flower had appeared before me. “I don’t understand why humans would want to join up in groups,” the flower said to me. I spoke with a thick Australian accent. “That’s ‘cause humans will watch each other’s backs and help each other when they’re in need,” I explained, “I should know ‘cause I useta be one.” The flower seems to understand plant behaviors better than animal or human behaviors. I myself am a Darksider, but what makes me different from the others is that I still have my intellect intact. It didn’t take long for things to change. I sensed something was odd and saw a Darksider coming out. Four of the five teenage girls immediately got a move on right away. Kris slipped out from behind the Darksider and joined her friends in fleeing to safety. I made the stone shelter collapse on the Darksider when the five of them escaped. The Darksider fired off the grappling hook replacing his left arm, and I erected a stone wall to block it and protect Star, who was the last one of the group to flee. He reeled in the grappler and broke the stone wall before he threw the five ladies off the edge of the cliff. Acting fast, I used my power of the land to create a stone slide which safely brought them to the bottom of the cliff. With those five safe, I turned my attention back to the Darksider before me so I can fight him. During the fight, I was getting my ass whooped. My attempt to stop his grappler failed and my right arm got destroyed. The grappling hook also blew a hole through my chest. The problem is that my body needs to be fortified, and I found out soon enough that the answer to my question of bodily reinforcement lied in the same thing that I was in symbiosis with—plant roots. Plant roots started growing on my body and began to close up the hole in my chest as well as replace my destroyed arm. Using the roots, I was able to catch the grappling hook the next time he fired it at me, then I ripped his left arm clean off. I suddenly heard Kris’s voice from behind as he attacked me a second time. “Jett, catch!” Kris called to me, tossing me a pair of garden shears she pulled from her backpack. I caught the garden shears by calculating the trajectory and perfectly timing when their handles will be in range. “Garden shears? Well, it’s better than nothing,” I told her. I improvised and infused the garden shears with my power of the land and the flexibility of plants, which turned them into something far more powerful to wield. “Let me show you the power of the land!” I declared, dashing ahead. I wielded the garden shears, slicing off the Darksider’s right arm and dealing with his wooden tendrils in the process. With no arms to defend himself, I slashed his face and he fell against the ground. The sentient flower gave me advice on how to finish him off, telling me to absorb his nutrients. And then roots started holding him against the ground. “It’s game over,” I told him, and then he was dragged underground to have his nutrients drained—and his dark essence drained along with it. As for Kris and the girls, they felt bad. The Darksider I defeated was once their friend, like all of the other Darksiders were once humans. I defeated the Darksider without regret. After all, every Darksider is a threat that needs to be killed on sight. I gotta hand it to Kris though, this weapon is pretty cool. I never thought about turning garden shears into a combat weapon, but if you know me then you’ll know that I’m good at improvising.

I'm a high school senior about to graduate from a nyc highschool. I'm going to Northeastern Boston for my undergrad. For this upcoming summer, I'm looking for experiences. I wanted to work at a law firm. I don't wanna get paid and l'd literally do anything. If that means putting papers in a printer or do things for people who work there then that's a plus in my books. I just want to be able to learn as much about the field as possible and network. The issue is, "how do I ask?". Should I email?

Hello hello! I'm Alex and this time I'm looking to do a story set in the Star Wars galaxy. Before I dive into any discussion of potential plots I'd like first to go over some important stuff; firstly, I'm only looking to do rps with people 18 or older, for a variety of reasons. Also, I only want to do anything with people who are confident in being relatively literate. I've done RPs where replies are over 1000 words, but I'm totally fine if the average replies are less than that. I'm just specifying to explain my interests. For rapid fire stuff: I'm queer, my pronouns are he/they, I'm ND, and I'm a student.
Now, for the plot. To start: I'm VERY familiar with Star Wars legends and canon. I don't have too much of a plot, but I do know I want to strictly avoid playing established characters. Other than that, it's very broad. I do require playing multiple characters, because either me doing everything or just having two characters is extremely boring.
For some potential scenarios:
As far as setting preferences go, I prefer the Imperial Era, but I am fine with doing something based in the Old/High Republic, or Clone Wars. If you have any characters or ideas about any setting, feel free to shoot something over.
Assuming it's the Imperial Era:
I adore Saw Gerrera and his insurrection. The idea of playing freedom fighters against the Empire is massively appealing, especially with how broad it could get: imperial turncoats, former prisoners, Jedi, Mandalorians. Anything, really. They'd fight back against the Empire, always on the run and striking at different locations.
There's also the very important potential of playing as the Empire itself. I think playing members of the Inquisition could be really fun, or as Imperial explorers in the Navy. Or as Stormtroopers on an important mission.
And Mandalorians, of course, are fun and important. Playing as a surviving Mandalorian clan, maybe trying to make a New Mandalore by conquering a planet, or just going fully nomadic.
Or maybe the Mandalorians and Jedis instead take on the life of the frontier. Instead of fighting the Empire tooth and nail they move to some unimportant planet and settle down, perhaps making a farm.
Playing as criminals could be really neat too. Trying to work around the Empire and the rebels to carve out their own fortune.
It could also be near the Empire's total collapse, with everyone scrambling to ensure their side gets the optimal victory.

Hello hello! I'm Alex and this time I'm looking to do a story set in the Star Wars galaxy. Before I dive into any discussion of potential plots I'd like first to go over some important stuff; firstly, I'm only looking to do rps with people 18 or older, for a variety of reasons. Also, I only want to do anything with people who are confident in being relatively literate. I've done RPs where replies are over 1000 words, but I'm totally fine if the average replies are less than that. I'm just specifying to explain my interests. For rapid fire stuff: I'm queer, my pronouns are he/they, I'm ND, and I'm a student.
Now, for the plot. To start: I'm VERY familiar with Star Wars legends and canon. I don't have too much of a plot, but I do know I want to strictly avoid playing established characters. Other than that, it's very broad. I do require playing multiple characters, because either me doing everything or just having two characters is extremely boring.
For some potential scenarios:
As far as setting preferences go, I prefer the Imperial Era, but I am fine with doing something based in the Old/High Republic, or Clone Wars. If you have any characters or ideas about any setting, feel free to shoot something over.
Assuming it's the Imperial Era:
I adore Saw Gerrera and his insurrection. The idea of playing freedom fighters against the Empire is massively appealing, especially with how broad it could get: imperial turncoats, former prisoners, Jedi, Mandalorians. Anything, really. They'd fight back against the Empire, always on the run and striking at different locations.
There's also the very important potential of playing as the Empire itself. I think playing members of the Inquisition could be really fun, or as Imperial explorers in the Navy. Or as Stormtroopers on an important mission.
And Mandalorians, of course, are fun and important. Playing as a surviving Mandalorian clan, maybe trying to make a New Mandalore by conquering a planet, or just going fully nomadic.
Or maybe the Mandalorians and Jedis instead take on the life of the frontier. Instead of fighting the Empire tooth and nail they move to some unimportant planet and settle down, perhaps making a farm.
It could also be near the Empire's total collapse, with everyone scrambling to ensure their side gets the optimal victory.

I just graduated May 3rd and have my FE. I currently work at a utility company on a track to get my PE. I have been planning on attending Auburn University for quantum/classical computing. This would involve nanofabrication, microwave, cryogenic circuits, and a few other things. I have been dead set on getting the masters degree in this field as I expected to make a lot more money after graduating and would qualify for jobs at Google, Apple, IBN, etc. The degree will be paid for through fellowship and a research assistantship and my professor I will be working with has direct connections to Google. I will probably only make enough money to barely scrape by and that worries me.
Recently I have been feeling more and more like attending Auburn isn’t as good as it seems on paper. If I go to Auburn I will probably never finish getting my PE, and I assume I will have to move to a very specific location to do my specialized work. I’ve also considered maybe the huge pay increase will be due to a much higher cost of living at one of these big companies.
My current job has offered me an $80k salary if I choose to stay here. The cost of living in this area is $31k so I feel this salary is very impressive. They also have amazing insurance benefits and I am in the process of checking how much they match 401k. Overall, the company seems solid and has a very healthy work environment that I enjoy.
I am mostly worried about how much I am limiting myself to grow my salary if I choose to stay in power. I would probably leave utilities and move on to a higher paying position.
If you all could give me some insight on what you all would do given these choices that would be great. I have been worried to death I will come to a standstill on growth in my career without a masters but am now starting to think maybe places don’t care as much about that anymore and I could be making just as much with my current degree.
I am pretty burnt out on education but if the Auburn offer is worth the return I will do what is necessary.

Creation of the Realms
In the beginning there where two beings one of Light and one of Dark Aether one represented Creation and the other Destruction, both of these entities created the Realms of Draakana and Avalar which would become the homes of various species but especially Dragons which where created by the beings to bring forth magic into the realms. However they also created one specific Dragon a purple one that would be able to control all elements including Aether itself, this purple Dragon and all the ones that would follow would protect the Realms and bring an era of change either whether good or bad was up for the Dragon themselves to decide.
The Banishment of the Dragons
Formerly the Dragons lived in what is now known as the Forgotten Realms it was here where their species truly flourished, they build much of realms infrastructure and brought an era of peace across all species in these lands. It was during these times when the connection with Avalar was first founded and both realms entered an age of progress, however eventually a certain Sorceress grew to resent the Dragons believing them to hoard all the magic for themselves and banished them to the other side of the world, and with this the magic across the Forgotten Realms would slowly fade away over time with the portal that led to Avalar being the first to close.
The Founding of the Dragon Realms
When the Dragons awoke in the land they found themselves in they slowly but surely recreated their new home on the Island which would eventually become Dreamweavers. However this Island would eventually become to small for their civilization, and one brave Sea Dragon would set out to find a new home for her and her children. And after a long and exhausting swim she found land but after dragging herself to shore she collapsed and passed away her children would become the first inhabitans of what is now known as Dragon Shores, with the other Dragons following soon after.
The events of the OG trilogy happen
A thousand years after the Dragons have made their home in the new Realms a new purple Dragon was born who became known as Spyro, and whilst Spyro was mostly a thrill seeking young Dragon who didn't care about things such as destiny he would through his adventures bring the Realms into a new age of peace and prosperity. His story began when a creature known as Gnasty Gnorc who after causing much mischief across the Realms because he felt that he didn't fit in with the other creatures, with him having a particular interest in learing magic this caused the Dragons to eventually banish him to the Junkyard which Gnasty build his own kingdom in with him creating othe Gnorcs out of the stolen treasures of the Dragons.
Now Gnasty Always had plans to one day return to the Dragon Realms and take it for himself but after being insulted on live television he decided to put that plan into action now, and with one devasting hit of magic all the Dragons where turned into statues except for Spyro who didn't know it at the time but his ties to Aether had protected him from Gnasty's magic. After this Spyro would go about his first adventure freeing all the Dragons and collecting their stolen gems and eggs all ending with him torching Gnasty, of course Spyro didn't cause any permanent harm to him just enough to hopefully teach him a lesson
Sortly after Spyro's first adventure he found himself into a new mess, having brought to the Realms of Avalar which has been taking over by a small creature called Ripto nobody fully knows where Ripto has come from, perhaps a realm far away from both Draakana and Avalar but seeing how he has a hatred for Dragons it shows that he lives in a place near them. It is during this adventure that Spyro starts to take his role as a purple Dragon more serious whether unintional or not, with him bringing the various warring races of Avalar together and bringing peace across the lands and eventually leading to both Avalar and Draakana re-establishing contact. This adventure eventually ending in him defeating Ripto (or so it seems) and getting the vacation he wanted in the first place.
And now Spyro's last adventure of the og trilogy atleast, after a Thousand years of the magic slowly disapearing in the Forgotten Realms the Sorceress also notices that the magic she uses to keep herself alive is fading as well, with the signs of aging apearing across her body. Not just this but the portals across the Realms are shutting off one by one which would cause trouble for her dominion over the lands, she eventually caught wind of a young dragons adventures and learns where the Dragons have choosen to live after she banished them, and send her apprentice Bianca to steal their eggs, with Bianca believing that she wanted to bring the Dragons back to the Forgotten Realms to bring the magic back. Of course it was Spyro's job to get the Eggs back together with Hunter who choose to travel with Spyro to the Dragon Realms after his adventure in Avalar, and much like before Spyro would help the inhabitans of the Forgotten Realms and thanks to his Aether magic the longer he stays in the Realms the more the magic came back.
A short while into their adventure Hunter and Bianca would start to interact and would begin to catch feelings for eachother, much to the chagrin of Spyro which to be fair if your best friend felt in love with somebody who kidnapped the babies of your species you would not be happy either. But luckily for Spyro after Bianca learned that what the Sorceress plan is for the baby Dragons she would start to help Spyro and Hunter, and eventually Spyro would defeat the Sorceress once in her castle and later for good in the super bonus round.
After this the Forgotten Realms restablished contact with the Dragon Realms and became known as the United Realms under Bianca's leadership, it was also after this that the portal to Avalar was permantly openend only in the United Realms instead of the Dragon Realms thanks to the Professor having to go of old tomes, of course this was easily remedied when the Dragons gave the proper coordinates. This resulted in the cultural exchange between all Realms and a large group of Avalarians to move to Draakana, who created the Valley of New Avalar or just the Valley of Avalar as most called it.
What came after
Most of the events that happenend after the Forgotten Realms are of minor note, such as Spyro freeing the Fairylands from Grendor and saving the Dragonflies twice with the second time being caused by Ripto. The one thing of note with this even is that Spyro started to experiment with a different element mainly bubble breath, which he got access to thanks to Bianca who uncovered runes from the old dragon civilization it is even believed that these runes where created by the first Purple Dragon.
And now we get to the interesting bits, an elder by the name of Red got corrupted by the Sorcerer to plant Dark Gems (which another Dark Master would use later), in order to drain the land of Magic. And whilst Spyro would of course defeat Red the Sorcerer was in the meantime looking into the origins of Aether and the Purple Dragon, this let him to the Shadow Realm a place beyond creation. And after the defeat of Red he set his plan into motion to tap into these Shadow Realms by releasing the Calamity, which trapped everyone from Draakana and Avalar in the Shadow Realm whilst also draining them of their magic, it is also thanks to his meddling with Dark Aether that resulted in his Purple scales. And whilst Spyro would defeat him just like any other villain before hand the Calamity would have had irreparable damage to the world such as the formation of the Ancient Grove a poisonous forest that corrupts all that enter it. And it even changed the nature of the Purple Dragon.
The Age of Malefor
After an unknown amount of time Spyro would grow older and more powerfull having returned to his home of Artisans but some noticed that he would start to behave oddly, he would start to become more and more obsessed with Aether and other elements and eventually fell to the temptations of Dark Aether. This let him to be exiled and he eventually found himself in a place where Dark Aether was most abundant a place that would eventually become the well of souls. If only the Elders had paid attention to Spyro they would have noticed the weird glow in his eyes, and the fact that it looked as if there was something missing. This now soulless husk that was once the Hero of the Realms completely taken over by Dark Aether now dubbed himself Malefor the Dark Master, and he let a campaign of terror against his own kind, destroying the Artisans homeworld leaving it as a useless ruins that got covered up by the ground only to be rediscovered in the future and be renamed as the Ruins of Warfang. The same happenend to the Dream Weavers which Malefor let fall to the ground destroying the landscape and distorting it with runaway magic. Together with his Ape army he waged war agains all other Realms, using the improved Dark Gems now known as Dark Crystals to drain magic of both Dragons and other creatures to fuel his army and ambitions. Luckily for the rest of the world the Dragon Elders and Spyro's old friends managed to corner Malefor and trap him in the Shadow Realms or atleast his Essence, whilst the evil force that has taken his souls place was trapped in the well of Souls.
The Legend begins
Despite Malefor being trapped the damage was still done, much of the world was without magic and the portals became useless, not just that but many started to mistrust Dragons thanks to the ongoing war and many dragons have been killed during the war. But all would change when a new Purple Dragon would be born, who would for some reason insist on being called Spyro not even he knows why. After an attack from the apes on his home with the Dragonflies Spyro learns he isn't one of them and sets out to find where he belongs. It was at this moment that the found Ignitus the Dragon that was task with gaurding the eggs all those years ago, and after learning his name he was of course suprised but the decided to keep it to himself. After their meeting Spyro and Ignitus would retake the Temple and set out to save the othe Gaurdians from Cynder, with him traveling to the Elemental islands which cumulated in him ending up saving Ignitus in the ruins of Dreamweavers now known as the Concurrent Skies, it was here where Spyro learned about Cynders past and followed her to Convexity the place where the Dragon Realms and the Shadow Realms meet. And where Spyro and Cynder fought and whilst Spyro did defeat and save Cynder from her corruption but Malefor's essence is freed from the Shadow Realm, since then Cynder lived with Spyro and the Gaurdians at the Temple but what she has done under Malefors control still haunts her.
A couple of weeks later the Eternal Night approaches an event where the two celestial moons would eclipse and allow spirits to wander the Well of Souls, Spyro would be sent out to stop the Ape king Gaul and to find Cynder who fled the Dragon Temple thanks to her guilt, with spyro also having been tasked with finding the chronicler who has been contacting Spyro in his dreams. Spyros first stop would be the Ancient Grove a large forest that was corrupted by Dark Aether during the Calamity that at this point happenend centuries ago, and is gaurded by Arborik a large tree golem that was created by Malefor as an artificial soldier. But after Spyro defeated him he was kidnapped by a group of pirates and forced into an arena, it was during this time he got a letter addressed by Hunter of Avalar and had a short reunion with Cynder before Gauls forces attacked the pirates and kidnapped her, Spyro used the distraction to escape the pirates but during is flight away from the ship he fell unconscious thanks to the Chronicler, only to be saved by a leviathan who brought him to the shores of the White Isle.
The White Isle is an ancient Island that houses all of Dragon knowledge and is believed to have been created since the beginning of time, with the first Chronicler being also the first Purple Dragon. After Spyro met the Chronicler he told him that he led Spyro here to wait out Malefors return, but after Spyro learned that this would cause Cynder to return to Malefors control he choose to go to the Well of Souls to stop him there and then. And after a long battle on his way to the top and a fight against Gaul who incapacitated Cynder Spyro would fall in the energy beam that sat at the center of the arena, which caused Dark Aether to start corrupting the young Dragon much like it had done before with his previous life. And after this newly formed "Dark Spyro" gave Gaul the finishing blow he flew up to Cynder and Sparx who where horrified to see what had become of Spyro, with Cynder tackling Spyro out of the Energy beam which luckily turned him back to normal. But the Well of Souls started to collapse around them thanks to Malefors return, so Spyro would use his Dragon time ability to freeze them into a large crystal and protect them from the collapsing mountain.
During this three years would pass and during those years Malefor would cause even more damage to the world, first he corrupted the apes into shadowy monsters because he felt that they only followed him for power instead of loyalty, and then he destroyed the magic Crafters homeworld turning it into the Burned Lands whilst raising the ancient temples high up into the skies. After this he sent out his new artificial soldiers out to attack the Realms and used Dark Crystals to once again drain the lands of magic. At the end of those three years Hunter would finally find Spyro and Cynder only to be beaten by Malefors forces who took them to the catacombs which at some point where known as the Celestial Plains, both Spyro and Cynder would wake up at this place and fight their way out of it and finally meet up with Hunter who explained that he was sent out by Ignitus after Spyro didn't return to the temple, as well as the three years that they where absent.
After this they join him and travel to Warfang after a quick disagreement in the Valley of Avalar, a name that for some reason sound familiar to Spyro they found themselves in Warfang, right in the middle of a seige by Malefors army. And after Spyro and Cynder fight themselves through he city and defeat the giant lava golem they reunite with Ignitus, with Cynder asking if they could do something about the magic chains that keep Spyro and Cynder trapped together only to learn much to her annoyance that there is nothing they could do about it. After a short celebration of their victory malefor would announce the return of the Destroyer who would created the belt of fire that will destroy all life on the planet, so Spyro and Cynder would go through the Ruins of Warfang which housed the leftovers of Artisans and open the gate for the Gaurdians and other Dragons to ambush the destroyer in the valley.
After making their way to the valley they noticed that the Destroyer moved to quickly to catch up to them, only for Cynder to suggest to blow the Dam so that the water would slow it down. And so they did after which they destroyed the Dark Crystals that controlled the beast including the ones on the inside, but before they could celebrate Malefor reanimated it with his dark powers this let Ignitus with no choice but to take Spyro and Cynder through the now weaker belt of fire to confront Malefor head on, whilst sending the other Gaurdians to help the other inhabitants to hide underground far away from the surface. However even with Ignitus being an fire Gaurdian the flames eventually overtake him and with his last powers sents Spyro and Cynder through the belt killing him in the progress, this leaves Spyro distraught and he lets the darkness overtake him luckily for him Cynder is there to remind him that he's not alone. And both race through the Burned Lands and the Floating Isle's to confront Malefor before it is to late.
After finally making their way to Malefor the two Purple Dragons finally meet, with Malefor starting to create doubts in both Spyro and Cynder which allows him to sortly retake control of Cynder. During this Malefor would start to taunt Spyro leaving some hints about how they're the same, something Spyro would mistake as meaning something else and he almost gave up completely believing he had failed to protect Cynder, Ignitus and the others. This allowed Cynder to break free, and Malefor to fly in a fit of rage with the battle for the fate of the world finally beginning.
At first they battled high above the volcano but after the Destroyer finally entered it the planet started to break apart, and the fight went on in the same Volcano and the falling Temple that Malefor called home. With them eventually making their way to the core of the Planet, which was made from solid Aether, and with both sides giving one last Aether attack with Spyro and Cynder finally overtaking Malefor he falls on the Crystal and the Light Aether spirits take Malefor away, and hopefully destroying the Dark Spirit that had taken over the old Spyro's body all those centuries ago. But this wasn't the end yet because even with Malefor gone the world was still falling apart, and Spyro saw one last option telling Cynder to leave to life another day for he might not make it out this time, but Cynder choose to stay by Spyro's side and with one last use of Dragon time now amplified by Light Aether, and Cynders declaration of love Spyro stopped the world from falling apart creating a new era for the survivors.
And that's where our story ends the world now exists as a group of floating islands hold together by magic which finally started to really return, and Ignitus became the new Chronicler who started to look where Spyro and Cynder ended up, seeing how they're not in the book of dead dragons. What happens after this is anyones guess, maybe a new Purple Dragon would be born who would protect these newly formed Skylands.

ok so i have lots to detail and ill try to organize it. i was just in a relationship w a girl diagnosed w bpd. she left her ex and started dating me really soon after. i thought everything was fine and i wanted a life together but cracks slowly started to show in the pretty picture's frame. these cracks are not caused by bpd i just added her diagnosis to add context, situations like this require nuance and there's other factors involved.
around a month in she started getting drunk often at least a couple times a month and would yell at me. the first time it happened she was yelling at me that I'm gonna hate her and blame my trauma from my physically abusive ex on her. i hadn't had any criticisms of her yet so this felt very out of left field and i just stayed quiet and let her get angry at me.
during that time she told me about her friend "A" getting cheated on. "A" lives with another friend "S" and A's boyfriend. S fucked A's boyfriend for months until getting a boyfriend herself and she only told my ex about it, but she knew from the start and would only tell her to stop but didn't tell anyone or expose her doing it no matter how long it kept going. my ex told me and her ex. now she is lying pretending that she never told me it and that it didn't happen at all and i know this is just gaslighting because its such a clear and memorable story that we talked about a ton of times. i dont understand how she can so easily lie to protect herself from criticism or responsibility for hiding it from her friend for so long.
recently she was on call with me while triggered and she started yelling at me about how im a liar and would wanna date our mutual friend which is not true and obviously affected me pretty badly to hear, i was begging her to stop and saying idk how to reassure her and she just kept calling me a liar etc and fighting for the fact that she felt right about it.
another recent incident is that she asked me if i would kiss and worship the ground she stepped on if she was god. this one is a pretty insane one. i said no because i felt uncomfortable being asked such a weirdly narcissistic question (even for her). this made her upset and triggered and she told me she didn't wanna tell me why in fear of judgement despite me saying I wouldn't as even for something so insane i still didn't really judge her at the time i just saw it as a red flag a little but something that will be ok regardless.
the relationship ended with me criticizing some behaviours. i told her how her yelling at me while drunk and other behaviours she hadn't apologized for were weighing down on me. these behaviours include telling me im sensitive for saying her making fun of me was hurting my feelings and the incident of her accusing me of wanting to date a friend. after this the relationship slowly fell apart for the next month before the eventual breakup. she said she couldn't trust me anymore and that she couldn't handle being with someone who doesn't actually view her as who she is. this felt insulting because all i had ever done was point out actual behaviors without being mean whilst she accused me of things and literally told me im a gaslighting egoist for saying that her fighting w me over me being hurt by her making fun of me wasn't really fair since she was essentially arguing that it wasn't meant to hurt my feelings but i was saying like just because you didn't wanna harm someone while mocking them doesn't mean it cant still be harmful and that it still affected me. she also fought me over me saying its not fair for her to say i dont care about her because she was upset saying i dont care and arent trying when shes the one whos been busy and unable to call and i tried to explain that with my autism and stuff my social battery gets very overwhelmed texting a lot and she expected almost constant answers and focus on our conversation essentially not letting me distract in any of my interests and i was trying to explain that I'm trying to find a healthy balance. she called me an egoist for that and just said everytime she gets mad i just argue that its not fair which is simply just not true I've apologized for many things and it feels like quite the opposite and that she does exactly that about large situations.
there was also a situation where we were talking about the future of the world and she essentially just told me my reasoning isnt realistic and i was like damn thats a bit subjective in my head but decided i would try rephrasing the same thing and told her i dont feel like her reasoning is realistic to see if she'd understand how her saying it was just pointlessly invalidating and disengaging with the discussion. this made her extremely pissed and she got mad and yelled a bit until i explained that I just said exactly what she said and that it was meant to be a point about how saying that didn't actually mean anything and obviously i dont just view her ideas as invalid or not worth hearing. she calmed down and said sorry but it was a really scary situation and i just stopped saying my opinions when i could feel that she was charged in the same way as that time. and to add context i dont have like weird opinions or views like im not racist or an incel or anything it was literally only ever about times where we're speculating on the future not about anything controversial really as for the most part we held pretty similar beliefs across the board.
im having a hard time coping i dont know how she could lie and gaslight me about the cheating thing when we've talked about it so much and everything just feels so insulting she essentially just left as soon as she faced any sort of critism instead of me just quietly letting her yell at me like i used to always do out of fear and its hard its just sad and disappointing i thought she was an ok person.
another red flag at the beginning of the relationship was her making a love playlist for me on Spotify except all of the songs literally described the girl just getting abused in a toxic relationship and it felt so icky that she was saying that all of those songs make her think of me since it felt very weird compared to like the actual love songs that made me think of her.
she told me she wanted to get married etc and i recognize now that this was narcissistic love bombing rather than reality. my physically abusive ex had bpd and npd and across the relationship with this ex i recognized a lot of npd traits showing up. like before we dated and even after she would talk obsessively about ideal love and project the image of that onto me saying how perfect and similar we are etc. she wanted "princess" treatment which is an obsession with special treatment which is also an npd diagnostic trait. she got upset i wouldn't kiss the ground she stepped on and exploited her friend by lying that she wasn't cheated on to save face and i can see how these all show traits of npd but its still hard not to reel with self doubt since i wanted things to be so much better and its so disappointing. how do you guys cope with things like this im having a hard time mourning the person that was never really there.
has anyone else here experienced similar stuff an such blatant lying, do you think she'll ever actually care to admit her behavior

I 24m have been dating my girlfriend 20f for almost a year now. We have the perfect relationship. The kind that everyone wishes they had. There have been no argument and only 4/5 instances where boundaries have been set(basic ones too nothing crazy). As of right now I plan on marrying this girl someday.
Although, over the past two/three months there have been times where she has said some very hurtful things to me. When these instances have occurred, I never spoke up for myself about how I felt. I didn’t want to say something that might start an argument. In all reality it wouldn’t have, we are both level headed people who share so much empathy with the people in our lives. I know if I would have told her how hurt I felt about her comments she would have immediately apologized and tried to make it up to me. Now, they’re eating at me. I’m having trouble sleeping and it’s been affecting my daily life as I tend to think about those comments a lot throughout the day. I feel like it’s too late to bring up how I felt about what she said but idk? I also know if I told her it wouldn’t ruin her day and make her feel so bad and I don’t want that to happen. I’m at my wits end and have no idea what to do. Should I tell her? Or do I just keep it to myself and be sure to address any future comments when it happens? I have no one else to talk to about this. Mainly because I don’t want to make her look bad. She it the most loving and sweet girl any guy could ask for and I wouldn’t hate to drive her out of my life.
The things she’s said: “Grow some balls” and “you’re so fruity” without getting into my past traumas, these comments are the worst ones in my opinion. For a lot of my life I have struggled with what it means to be a man. Although I’m not giving a lot of context as to why she said these things, they felt like ‘be a man’ comments which any guy will tell you hurts. I mean right now I feel less of a man for even making this post. Like I should just suck it up.
“Die” this one was a complete joke and I recognized it immediately. Although i haven’t been able to get it out of my head since. Imagine someone you love so much telling you to die, even if it was as a joke.
“Shut up”. This might seem normal to some. I’m sure there have been points in your relationships when’re your significant other has told you to shut up. Although, keep in mind that our relationship has been something everyone wished they had. So this type of comment is so uncharacteristic and does not represent how we talk to each other.
I don’t know Reddit users what do you think? Am I just being a wuss? What should my next steps be?

This is part 2 of a series that I have done on the relevance that Old Testament social principles have to our times. In the first part I looked at the OT's critique of lesser of two evils politics. In this one I will be looking at the Old Testament understanding of the relationship between social justice and intersectionality. Intersectionality was a term popularised in the late 80s and 90s by scholar and activist Kimberlee Crenshaw. In her analysis she says the following:

• "One of the very few Black women's studies books is entitled All the Women Are White; All the Blacks Are Men, But Some of Us are Brave. I have chosen this title as a point of departure in my efforts to develop a Black feminist criticism because it sets forth a problematic consequence of the tendency to treat race and gender as mutually exclusive categories of experience and analysis...this tendency is perpetuated by a single-axis framework that is dominant in antidiscrimination law and that is also reflected in feminist theory and antiracist politics.I will center Black women.... in order to contrast the multidimensionality of Black women's experience with the single-axis analysis that distorts these experiences"(Demarginalising the intersections of race and sex, pg 139)
• "I observed the dynamics of structured intersectionality during a brief field study of battered women's shelters located in minority communities in Los Angeles. In most cases the physical assault that leads women to these shelters is merely the most immediate manifestation of the subordination they experience. Many women who seek protection are unemployed or underemployed and a good number of them are poor. Shelters serving these women cannot afford to address only the violence inflicted by the batterer; they must also confront the other multilayered and routinised forms of domination that often converge in these women's lives"(Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics and Violence against Women of Color)

With this assumptions, definitions and terms used above I will look at how the Old Testament looks at social justice through an interconnected and intersectional lense in key moments in the text.
1)The justice precepts of the OT:

• "Thus says the Lord: Act with justice and righteous, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor anyone who has been robbed. And do no wrong or violence to the alien, the orphan and the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place"(Jeremiah 22:3)
• "The princes of Israel in you everyone according to his power, have been bent on shedding blood. Father and mother are treated with contempt in you; the alien residing within you suffers extortion; they orphan and widow are wronged in you. You have despised my holy things, and profaned my sabbaths. In you are those who slander to shed blood, those in you who eat upon the mountains, who commit lewdness in your midst. In you they uncover their father's nakedness; in you they violate women in their periods."(Ezekiel 22:6-10)

2)David and the Prophet Nathan:

• "And the Lord sent Nathan to David.He came to him and said to him 'There were two men in a certain city, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had very many flocks and herds; but the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb, which he had bought. He brought it up, and it grew up with him and with his children; it used to eat of is meagre fare, and drink from his cup, and lie in his bosom, and it was like a daughter to him. Now there came a traveller to the rich man, and he was loath to take one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the wayfarer who had come to him, but he took the poor man's lamb, and prepared that for the guest who had come to him'. Then David's anger was greatly kindled against the man. He said to Nathan, 'As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserved to die;"(2 Samuel 12:1-5)
• "Nathan said to David 'You are the man! Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel: I anointed you king over Israel, and I rescued you from the hand of Saul; I gave you your master's house, and your master's wives into your bosom, and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added as much more. Why have you despised the world of the Lord, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites"(2 Samuel 12:7-9)

3)The Levite and the Concubine:

• "In those days when there was no king in Israel, a certain Levite residing in the remote parts of the hill country of Ephraim, took to himself a concubine from Bethlehem in Judah. But his concubine became angry with him and she went away from him to her father's house at Bethlehem in Judah and was there for some four months. Then her husband set out after her to speak tenderly to her and bring her back. He had with him his servant and a couple of donkeys. When he reached her father's house the girl's father saw him and came with joy to meet him"(Judges 19:1-3)
• "When they were near Jebus, the day was far spent and the servant said to his master(the Levite) 'Come now, let us turn aside to this city of the Jebusites, and spend the night in it'. But his master said to him, 'We will not turn aside into a city of foreigners, who do not belong to the people of Israel; but we will continue on to Gibeah'. Then he said to his servant 'Come let us try to reach one of these places, and spend the night at Gibeah or at Ramah'. So they passed by and went on their way; and the sun went down on them near Gibeah, which belongs to Benjamin. They turned aside there, to go in ans spend the night at Gibeah. He went in and sat down in the open square of the city, but no one took them in to spend the night. Then at evening there was an old man coming from his work in the field. The man was from the hill country of Ephraim and he was residing in Gibeah...The old man said 'Peace be to you. I will care for your wants; only do not spend the night in the square'. So he brought him into his house and fed the donkeys; they washed their feet and ate and drank"(Judges 19:11-16/20-21)
• "While they were enjoying themselves the men of the city, a depraved lot, surrounded the house and started pounding on the door. They said to the old man, the master of the house 'Bring out the man who came into your house so that we may have intercourse with him'. And the man, the master of the house, went out to them and said to them 'No, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. Since this man is my guest, do not do this vile thing. Here are my virgin daughter and his concubine; let me bring them out now. Ravish them and do whatever you want to them; but against this man do not do such a vile thing'. But the men would not listen to him. So the man seized his concubine, and put her out to them. They wantonly raped her, and abused her all through the night until morning. And as the dawn began to break, they let her go"(Judges 19:22-25)

When we take these stories we see and intersectional analysis at play. In the Parable of the Prophet Nathan we see the thing of hospitality interacting with class. In the story of the concubine we see the theme of hospitality interact with gender and sexual violence. The Levite and the concubine are shown hospitality in the house of the father in law and the old man. But hostility is shown by the people of Gibeah to outsider. Here, we see xenophobic violence display itself through sexual violence. But then it gets worst of course. Because both the old man and the Levite are willing to sacrifice the concubine and the virgin daughter. The feminist theologian Phyllis Trible in her book "Texts of Terror" states that the house demonstrates the "gendered" limits of hospitality. When it is male figure, hospitality has to be protected at all cost. When it comes to the the women characters, they are more than willing to sacrifice that hospitality. To push them to the margins, symbolised by the outside of the house. And so we see in the concubine what Kimberly Crenshaw spoke of in her work at battered shelters. Structured intersectionality. A woman subject to the multidimensional forces of patriarchal norms, xenophobic hostility, and sexual violence. The story of the concubine parallels the multidimensional story of migrant and refugee women in our world today who face the multiple forces of xenophobic hostility, oppressive cultural norms, and sexual violence as well.
It's the same thing in Nathan's parable at a different angle. If we see the see the gendered limits of hospitality in the Concubine episode, we see it's class limits in this parable. The rich man is willing to show hospitality to a wayfarer. And he does it at the expense of the man who is poor. His hospitality is built on economic exploitation. Now the twist is that Nathan is telling this Parable both as an irony and to expose King David's hypocrisy. Because David did an injustice to Uriah the Hittite. He had him murdered to take his wife. And Uriah because he is a "Hittite" is a stranger, a foreigner. Murder is the most inhospitable act you can do to a stranger. Nathan breaks us out of a single axis analysis of things by making the point that the same norms that allow a rich man to exploit the poor are the same ones that allow a King to murder an outsider to take his wife. Xenophobic violence and class oppression are intertwined. Which is why in the precepts of the Prophets care for the poor and the widows and orphans is coupled with care for the alien and stranger. And it is couple in the rhetoric of Jeremiah to not shed innocent blood. The structures built on violence are the same ones that marginalise the poor and target the orphan and the outsider. Many of the people who are poor under these structures are also widows and aliens as well. And as the Prophet Ezekiel points out, which ties back to the story of the concubine, the same people with power that shed innocent blood and oppress and extort the poor are also the ones who normalise and perpetuate a culture of sexual violence. These are definitely relevant for our times because the Old Testament's ethical framework breaks us out of a single axis view of social justice to view things in a multidimensional perspective. We have to look at the lives of migrants and refugees from a multidimensional perspective. We have to look at the experiences of black and indigenous communities from a multidimensional perspective when in these communities women have to endure the multiple burdens of racial violence coupled with patriarchal and sexual violence. We cannot speak of an identity politic that does not look at class oppression and violence. All of these intersect. All of these are multidimensional. And in that multidimensional reality Jeremiah's voice rings as true back then as today. Stand up for the poor, the orphan, the widow and the oppressed who has been robbed. And shed no innocent blood in this place.

Hi! I hurt my girlfriend alot by betraying her trust, I didnt cheat but I let someone who I thought was a friend in on a private thing between the two of us who used that to attack her.
She's stated that she wants to take a month break to re-evaluate if she wants a long term relationship, and to punish me so I feel what its like to be without her. She wants to go on one last date before the break so she has "something good to remember".
5 days after our break is over, she has a plan to go to a convention with me up north as a way to "start off strong" since shes recently got into going to these conventions. Its gonna be a long roadtrip, and we talked about going on a road trip before things went bad.
She keeps on bringing up that our relationship is no longer guaranteed, that theres no promises, that she can leave at anytime, I understand i messed up, i hurt her but its scary. We were talking about Marriage and now everything is so fucked up. She says she cant trust me anymore, that she doesn't see me the same way. But she loves me and cares about me, it just doesn't make sense. If your so unsure about if you want this relationship or not, would a month apart make a difference? Would it make sense to plan for a vacation if your unsure about if you want to be with me?
I want to fix things. I want to have her trust again when ive proven to her I can handle it, and i want her to feel safe and secure. She said shes willing to help me change but then in the same day shes not sure if she wants to stay. I understand her emotions are complicated because of me.
It doesn't help that im deployed to Germany and things are just falling apart. If i was never deployed here this wouldn't of happened. I just dont know what to do and I really want to cling on and fix this. I know its all at her pace and her decision though. Im going to come home from deployment, go on a date, and be on my own for a month before we take a long roadtrip.
She asked me a few days ago after I hurt her to help her pay for her car repair. I just paid all of it. I toldher i needed space and she seems upset but then she tells me i shouldn't be suprised shes cold and distant. So some days she says i love you, some day she couldn't seem to care about me and i dont blame her. Its just alot of confusing emotions, ive never been the one to hurt someone like this in a relationship. Its my first and last time being the bad guy and it sucks. I did try to communicate with her how i felt and that was a bad idea. I really have no outlet for my feelings. I offered to see a relationship counselor, she wants to keep things internal between us and not involve anyone else. I asked if i could see a therapist and she said she'd rather i not since it'd be involving her personal information. Im on a shitty deployment and I have no one to turn to. She says that shes still talking to me to support my mental health but it just hurts more knowing the moment i come home im just on my own until she has a momth to make a decision. There is no supporting my mental health i fucked up and i dont know how to fix things. There is so much agony in hurting the one you love and i just have to eat it everyday and hour im awake. She thinks that I thought everything could be "smoothed over because i felt bad and did a few things".
Its not at all that, im just an emotional wreck and trying to hold on. I deserve the consequences but its just guilt, pain, shame, and loneliness everyday im here. She says shes pretending to be happy when talking to me and i dont get it. It seems so much like shes out of love and done after this but im still holding on. I want to fix myself and change my behavior regardless if shes with me or not, but im afraid she will be gone. Im not going to a convention with a friend.

(continuation of part 3)
Since Fatal Calling is all about Cloud facing his past and his origins, Tifa’s musical theme is most appropriate for the ending cutscene. For all of these reasons, Tifa’s theme is absolutely appropriate for the conclusion of Fatal Calling. It makes a lot of sense then that once Cloud has finished revisiting the past and vanishes with the crystal to find his Promised Land, Tifa’s theme stops and Aerith’s theme begins.
There’s a lot to be said about Sephiroth in Fatal Calling. Sephiroth feeds off of despair, and deems Palamecia’s suffering inadequate: he seeks a much greater source of power than this realm. He states that Palamecia isn’t “the world that was promised to [him]”, referencing his desire to become the god of his core world of FFVII:

“Sephiroth: Melding with the planet, I will cease to exist as I am now only to be reborn as a ‘god’ to rule over every soul” (FFVII OG, disk 1, chapter 25).

Sephiroth’s line “Now, let us return [Cloud]. Back to the Promised Land” reveals he wants to return to their shared core world of FFVII, like we established in our review of the Remake timelines theory (see section “I. a) vii.”). Sephiroth wants to go back to FFVII and modify the OG timeline to achieve his evil goals. This is his ideal scenario, his place of complete happiness: his desired Promised Land. Fatal Calling is setting up Sephiroth’s plans for Remake. In fact, the after-credits scene wherein Sephiroth stands in Nibelheim as it burns confirms his return to the FFVII OG timeline.
However, he isn’t the only one returning. Now that Cloud has revisited his past in Fatal Calling, he’s ready to reach his Promised Land. After Sephiroth’s after-credits scene, the OG FFVII title and logo turn into the FFVII Remake title and logo, indicating a shift: we are now officially in the Remakeera or world. Cloud and Sephiroth disappeared at the end of Fatal Calling, and now the game is telling us where they’ve gone. Combined with Hamaguchi’s recommendation that players complete the collaboration event before playing Remake, I think this is a solid indication that the Cloud and Sephiroth we see in this collaboration event are those we encounter in the Remake world. Once the switch to Remake occurs, Aerith’s theme returns. This communicates that she is indeed —as we’ve proven countless times already— Cloud’s Promised Land. But it also conveys her importance to the story of Remake. Scenario writer Nojima confirmed this:

“Aerith's the most important character in the remake so we paid special attention to her lines” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

Aerith was already important to OG, so what could’ve motivated Nojima to state her importance to Remake? Could it be that she’s even more important in the latter than she was in the former? In what way?
That was the collaboration! Before we move on from MFF x FFVII Remake entirely though, let’s glean some more relevant information from some of the collaboration’s promotional material and special features.
~III. e) iii. Promotional Material and Special Features~
Two particular pieces of promotional material for this collaboration stick out to me as extremely relevant. The first is a promotion for a new summons batch in the Mobius FF game, created in honor of the collaboration.
MFF x FFVII Remake Summons Batch Cloud Promo
The summons batch contains three FFVII Remake-themed cards, including a Cloud card. As you can see, this promo reads “Who awaits in the Promised Land?” under Cloud’s picture.
The second is a promotion of an Aerith and summons and an Aerith Job Card (in MFF, Job Cards allow a character to embody an archetype or another character, giving them certain physical traits, clothing, weapons and abilities):
MFF x FFVII Remake Aerith Summons and Job Card Promo
I couldn’t find this picture in English, but the text relevant to us translates to:

“Midgar's Flower Vendor Summons
‘I'm searching for you. I want to meet… you.’
The witch protects the planet, imbues it with power, and leads to the Promised Land.”

A few things here. First, Aerith is referenced by name, and we see a picture of her in her famous praying pose. Secondly, both Cloud and Aerith’s images are attached to the notion of the Promised Land. Cloud’s card asks who awaits there, and Aerith’s evokes a guiding role, as though in response. Thirdly, both Cloud and Aerith are attached to the notion of searching: Cloud searches for the Promised Land and whomever awaits there, and Aerith searches for Cloud’s true self. Speaking of which, the promo also includes parts of Aerith’s famous gondola date quote from OG:

“Aeris: I'm searching for you.
Cloud: …?
Aeris: I want to meet you.
Cloud: But I'm right here.
Aeris: I know, I know... what I mean is... I want to meet... you” (disk 1 chapter 24).

In case you’re wondering about the lady in Aerith’s clothes on the left-hand side, that’s Meia, a character in MFF. She is the “witch” being referred to in the promotional material. She’s often called the Azure Witch. Meia is wearing Aerith’s clothes because a Meia-type Job Card called “Flower Girl of Midgar” was created in honor of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration:
MFF x FFVII Remake \"Flower Girl of Midgar\" Job Card
There’s even an Aerith outfit you can have Echo wear, and it appears with Wol’s Cloud outfit in the promotional picture:
MFF x FFVII Remake Echo's Aerith Outfit and Wol's Cloud Outfit
To be fair, Tifa also appears in one of these summons promos. However, unlike Aerith’s, her appearance doesn’t reference the Promised Land or her version of the gondola date. She is not presented in connection to Cloud at all. On top of that, while the Aerith and Cloud outfits are promoted together, Tifa is paired with Vincent in the promotional image:
MFF x FFVII Remake Summons Promo Tifa and Vincent
This is hardly indicative of Cloti content in the event collaboration or in Remake.
~III. e) iv. Cloud’s Promised Land~
All in all, the collaboration tells the story of Cloud searching for his Promised Land, just as post-OG Cloud has been shown doing for years and years of canon SE content. Cloud is searching for Aerith in the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration, just like he was in FFT and DFF, and just like he was shown doing in the 30th FF Anniversary Exposition. This is nothing new. However, the collaboration informs us that this mission to be reunited with Aerith is what leads Cloud to enter the world of Remake.
Echo noted that people obtain the Promised Land they deserve rather than the one they want. What does Cloud deserve? I believe the answer is: another chance at saving Aerith.
Cloud needs to start over, from the top. He needs to go back to the very moment he and Avalanche arrived at mako reactor 1 to bomb it. He needs to return to the beginning of the OG game. He needs a redo, a fix-it, another shot at happiness; a remake.

IV. The Hidden Plot Point: Mission Theory

~a) Thesis~
Here lies the heart of my theory. My dear Cleriths, Sephiroth isn’t the only one who travelled back in time to undo destiny and create a reality where things go his way: Remake is also —I would even say primarily— Cloud’s chance to free Aerith from her fate, save her life and secure his shot at happiness with her. That’s why he experiences MOTFs in Remake: he’s done FFVII before and now he’s back, although with only fragments of his memories from OG, to save Aerith. That’s why his triggers all involve Aerith: he doesn’t consciously remember anything from OG, but his grief over Aerith is so strong that it rises from his subconsciousness at the slightest trigger.
In Remake, Cloud remembers some but not all elements of the OG timeline (MOTFs), and it appears he only remembers the most important things: all his MOTFs revolve around Aerith and her fate. Our theory explains why Aerith triggers Cloud’s MOTFs in Remake quite perfectly: he traveled back in time to prevent Aerith’s death from happening. Remake Cloud remembers Aerith because, well, he knows her from OG. Post-OG Cloud has returned to the past to save Aerith, resulting in Remake. This is why seeing her in Remake triggers visions and memories of things that haven’t happened yet in Remake, but have already happened to post-OG Cloud. He recognizes her face on Loveless in Remake because seeing her face again is the whole reason he entered Remake in the first place. His visions of her death when they meet once more at the church, the spike of anxiety and grief as he watches her walk away from him, the constriction in his chest when she talks about doing everything in her power to help the planet… all of it, it’s all his memories of OG being jogged by things related to her death. What he’s forgotten from the OG timeline emerges in flashes of pain, images, memory and emotion. Remember that the language the devs used to describe these instances where Cloud reacts to Aerith in this way is always about “remembering” or “recognizing”; Cloud has to have seen Aerith, known Aerith, loved Aerith, lost Aerith and felt the pain of living without Aerith before in order to recognize and remember these feelings. Think about it: this is the only thing that can explain Cloud’s extremely selective MOTFs and the fact that he has MOTFs at all.
The Remake trilogy is all about Cloud and Sephiroth stepping into the ring one more time, both ready to risk it all to get what they lost in the OG timeline. Sephiroth is hungry for destruction and godhood, while Cloud stands determined to save the love of his life. Fighting for their respective goals, the fated enemies enter a new battle in Remake, one to end the war, both needing to win this time after losing so horribly in OG. Now, it’s all or nothing. Sephiroth vying for the planet, and Cloud reaching out for Aerith.
Cloud’s back with a quest, one he can’t fail— it’s the most secret and important plot point of all. I call this the “Mission Theory”.
~IV. b) Mission Theory Logistics~
There are a few things that remain vague, so I’m going to use this section of the analysis to speculate on the logistics of my theory. We know very little about the hows of the timeline and multiverse shenanigans, so I’m going to hypothesize. However, this analysis is about the whys: so if you’re not interested in mechanical speculation on the logistics of time travel and multiverses, you can totally disregard this section and skip to section “V.”.
~IV. b) i. Cloud the Time-Traveler?~
It’s unclear whether Remake is the result of post-OG Cloud going back in time to try his hand at the OG timeline again, or the result of post-OG Cloud somehow informing OG Cloud that he must save Aerith this time around. It’s vague in the same way that we aren’t sure if Remake Aerith is post-OG Aerith or if she’s been informed by post-OG Aerith via her connection to the Lifestream as a Cetra. Though it doesn’t much matter how Cloud has memories of Aerith’s death in Remake, I personally think that Remake Cloud is a time-traveling post-OG Cloud. My explanation as to why might be a little confusing, so again, feel free to skip to section “V.”.
One must be able to communicate with the Lifestream in order to obtain knowledge of the future. This access can only be granted to the Cetra or to the souls of the deceased that compose the Lifestream itself. Since Cloud is not a Cetra, he cannot commune with the Lifestream while he is alive, meaning a deceased post-OG Cloud would not have been able to communicate his memories of the OG plot-line with a living OG Cloud. Therefore, the only way Remake Cloud could have knowledge of the future (manifested as MOTFs) would be that Remake Cloud is inhabited by his post-OG consciousness. Effectively, this is time-traveling.
Then comes the question of how Cloud was able to time-travel at all. I have what I consider a pretty solid hypothesis. The most interesting thing about the realm of Palamecia is that every FF character that’s ever appeared in the realm for a cameo died in their core world beforehand (spoilers for FFI, FFV, FFVI, FFX, FFXII, FFXIII, FFXV incoming). These characters include Tidus (FFX), Lightning (FFXIII), Garland (FFI), Sephiroth (FFVII), Gilgamesh (FFV), Vargas (FFVI), Gabranth (FFXII) and Ultros (FFXV). My interpretation of Palamecia serves at least partly as a directory for deceased souls that can’t simply fade. For instance, FFX’s Tidus actually came back to life to be with his love>! Yuna !! FFX!<. Of course, MFF x>! FFX !!FFX!< and FFX-2, just like MFF x FFVII Remake came out between FFVII OG and FFVII. And similarly to Fatal Calling, the ending cutscene of MFF x>! FFX !!Next thing you know, FFX-2 comes out and shows Tidus returning to Yuna and their core world in an optional cutscene.!< The MFF x>! FFX !! Tidus !Remake.
~IV. b) ii. Post-OG Cloud’s Amnesia~
If we consider that Remake Cloud is a time-travelling post-OG Cloud who’s returned to the start of the OG timeline, we encounter another logistical problem: why doesn’t Cloud remember everything or most things from the OG plot-line in Remake, like Sephiroth and Remake Aerith do? After all, aren’t the three of them in the same time-travelling boat? Why isn’t Cloud as lucid on the matter as the two others? Didn’t the post-OG Cloud in Fatal Calling face his past and origins? Shouldn’t that mean Cloud would remember all that stuff in Remake from the start?
In OG, the true Cloud’s memories are repressed by both his false persona and Jenova. The latter’s memetic abilities are able to block Cloud’s memories of the past from emerging and conflicting with his SOLDIER persona. For instance, in both OG and Remake, Cloud is unable to hear Aerith tell him Zack’s name in Evergreen Park: Jenova blocks it out. I think this is a similar situation: post-OG Cloud’s consciousness carries memories things that Jenova doesn’t want Cloud to know, so she pushes down on them. On top of that, after travelling through different worlds and back through the Lifestream for who knows how long, post-OG Cloud’s consciousness must be quite weak. We know how good Cloud is at repressing, so it makes total sense to me that post-OG Cloud’s consciousness would be trapped or suppressed somewhere deep in Remake Cloud’s subconsciousness. After all, it’s not like this whole time-travelling-consciousness thing is normal for a mind to experience. It’s no wonder Remake Cloud doesn’t consciously remember how things go in OG. However, post-OG Cloud’s love and grief for Aerith are so strong that memories related to her can occasionally pierce through to his Remake consciousness and Jenova’s barriers, resulting in his MOTFs. His pain and love for her are definitely permanent and strong enough:

“A young woman descended from the Ancients who will forever be engraved in [Cloud’s] heart” (Dirge of Cerberus, Japanese manual, Aerith’s character description).
“I believe for those who formerly traveled with her as comrades and for the viewers, each carries their own feelings and love for Aerith. In this story, Cloud also carries his own undying feelings for Aerith, even to this very day… Its relation with the church scene is… Yup. I’ll leave this part to your imagination. (laughs)” (Nomura interview on Advent Children “Designer’s Note” in Famitsu PS2!magazine, October 24th issue).

So you see, Remake Cloud’s mind is a little more complicated than OG Cloud’s mind. Everything is still the same in Remake as in OG, but with the added complication that his future self is hidden in his subconscious mind, probably trying to get out.
There is actually pretty good evidence of this. I’m sure you’re aware that whenever Jenova is trying to hide something from Cloud or altering his memory and/or perception, the screen glitches green with an audio cue (34:15-34:29, 1:15:30-1:15:41 and 1:17:14-1:17:29). Guess what? These Jenova audiovisual cues also occur during the MOTFs (ie: MOTF 3 2:58-3:07 and MOTF 4 0:29-0:42). Whenever post-OG Cloud’s consciousness encounters anything that reminds it of losing Aerith, the strength of its pain helps it push memories of Aerith to the surface so that RemakeCloud can consciously see them. Remake Cloud then experiences sensations and/or visions, all from his future self’s memories as they rise to the surface, propelled by grief. Jenova can’t allow Remake Cloud to fully recover his post-OG memory, so in order to shut down the process, its cells jump in to repress the MOTFs: this results in the classic Jenova audiovisual cues. The only time Jenova doesn’t bother to fight against a MOTF is the sixth, as it is quite weak: no visions occur, only a tight sensation in his chest.
~IV. b) iii.~ ~Eclipse Contact~ ~and Cloud’s Memories of Reactor 1~
There is one problem I have trouble decoding. In Eclipse Contact, Cloud tells Wol and Echo that the last thing he remembers is the run-up to his arrival at mako reactor 1 (FFVII OG, disk 1, chapter 1). Recall that usually, people summoned to Palamecia have no memories of their world of origin and lives before that point at all. So then why is it that upon being summoned to Palamecia, Cloud recalls the events that took place right before the start of the OG game? This strikes me as highly relevant since this is the exact point in time where post-OG Cloud’s consciousness needs to be transported to in order for Remake to begin, but I haven’t been able to figure out a solid hypothesis on what it could mean. My best guess is that this is the devs’ way of signalling to us that the events of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration occur before the very beginning of post-OG Cloud’s second try at the OG timeline (Remake).
Now that I’ve shown you how I’ve come to form my Mission Theory and we’ve done some pesky housekeeping, let’s connect some dots, shall we? It’s time to really get into it and see if any of my wild speculation tracks with content from the Remake trilogy so far.
~V. Musical Evidence~
What about the music of the game? Any hints there? Let’s try to see if we can find support for the Mission Theory in the music made for the Remake trilogy thus far!
As a preface to my musical evidence analysis, I want to insist on something: the story guys tell the soundtrack guys everything. In a high-quality production such as Remake, people who make music for audiovisual media are told everything in advance. They need to know the secrets of every little scene, because their job is to depict whatever is happening through music.
Therefore, if the Mission Theory is true, then there has to be musical evidence for it.
~V. a) Preface: The Basics of the~ ~FFVII~ ~OST~
There’s a lot of evidence in the music of the Remake trilogy that we have to address, but before we get into it, I do have to give you the basics of the FFVII soundscape! For the easiest experience, I suggest you keep a tab open for every link I provide for you until the music analysis is over, because we will be hopping from one musical theme to another and then back again.
~V. a) i. The World Theme: Cloud’s Troubled Identity~
The world theme of FFVII is a perfect example of how musicians working on an OST have to know the secrets of a story as they compose for it. On top of representing the FFVII world as a whole, it doubles as Cloud’s character theme… except that isn’t exactly right. You see, this piece does indeed contain Cloud’s true theme, but Sephiroth and Jenova’s musical motifs also contaminate it. This, of course, symbolizes how Cloud experiences identity sabotage because of these two antagonists. The result is that globally, the world theme does indeed represent Cloud’s character, but it isn’t exclusively Cloud’s in the same way that Cloud’s mind isn’t exclusively his. It’s brilliant storytelling through musical motifs, and evidently requires Uematsu to know in advance that Sephiroth manipulates Cloud’s identity in the story.
For future reference, let’s isolate Cloud’s true theme from Jenova and Sephiroth’s influence.
~V. a) i. 1) Sephiroth: Dissonance and Semi-Tone Motif~
I’m sure you know Sephiroth’s infamous theme: “One-Winged Angel”. The first motif we need to know is Sephiroth’s threatening, repetitive dissonance motif, which plays all throughout the piece (plays solo at 0:00 to 0:04). The second motif is what I call the semi-tone motif. “One-Winged Angel” has a ton of minor 2nd intervals, which is what we call the relationship between two notes that are only a semi-tone apart. You might recognize the minor 2nd interval in the foreboding Jaws theme. Just like in Jaws, the minor 2nd interval or semi-tone is commonly used to indicate an impending, life-threatening danger, a monster, predator, evil, or insanity; suits Sephiroth quite nicely!
~V. a) i. 2) Jenova: Parasite Motif~
The track “J-E-N-O-V-A” contains many competing melodies and has generated many variations of those melodies —almost like clones— that all represent aspects of the alien’s character. The main Jenova motif is simply a descending, two-octaves-long, arpeggiated mb6 chord (eight notes total). I’ve played it for you here. Sometimes, this motif is altered to form variations. For instance, in “Listen to the Cries of the Planet”, a variation of Jenova’s main motif is created by changing the order of the notes and reducing the number of notes to only six (0:00-0:03), however, it remains an arpeggiated mb6 chord. Regardless of the alteration, if you hear an arpeggiated mb6 chord, it means Jenova is creeping close by or that its influence is at work.
The variation of the mb6 arpeggiated chord that concerns us alters Jenova’s main theme so it ascends from the tonic to the b6 note and descends back to the tonic, then ending on the lower dominant for a total of eight notes. I’ve played it for you here. I call this variation the “parasite motif”, because it is often heard when Cloud is being controlled by Jenova. For instance, it plays when Cloud loses himself and becomes unusually violent in Rebirth’s chapter 13 (17:25-18:34), signalling to us that Jenova is in control. It is also the main motif of the track “Who… Am I?”, which evidently symbolizes Jenova’s fuelling of Cloud’s identity crisis— though here, the parasite motif is shortened to its six first notes.
~V. a) i. 3) Cloud’s True Self~
Now that we can recognize Sephiroth and Jenova’s motifs, let’s return to the world theme to isolate Cloud’s true self. Cloud’s true theme can be heard from 0:51 to 3:48. It consists of a section A (0:51-1:54), followed by a section B (1:54-2:41), and then returns to section A (2:41-3:48).
After Cloud’s true theme concludes however, it seems he experiences a psychic interference: doubt and confusion weave through the world theme (3:48-4:09), representing an instability in his identity. I call this interruption of Cloud’s true theme the “interference section”. It symbolizes a moment of psychic interference or weakness within Cloud that Sephiroth and Jenova take advantage of to take control of Cloud.
The end of the interference section introduces Jenova’s parasite motif. It slithers in (4:09), later joined by Sephiroth’s dissonance motif (4:16): Cloud’s mind and identity are being hijacked by the two antagonists in service of their evil plans.
They torment Cloud, dominating his mind until he manages to free himself: section A of Cloud’s true theme begins playing again (6:06), closing the loop of the theme.
Based on this musical storytelling, if you already knew the character motifs going into OG, you might’ve suspected something odd was going on with Cloud’s identity, and that Jenova and Sephiroth were involved. All this to say that whatever music is playing at any given time can give us hints as to what is going on. That’s the power and significance of a good soundtrack. Trust me when I say that with Uematsu and his team, we’re in excellent hands. And remember: the story guys tell the soundtrack guys everything.
~V. a) ii. Aerith’s Theme~
Another base we have to cover before checking out the Remake soundtrack is Aerith’s theme. I’m sure everyone here is familiar with it, but I insist that you refresh your memory. It consists of a section A (0:00-0:34), a section B (0:34-1:13) and a section C (1:13-2:00), concluding with a repeat of section A.
~V. a) iii. Motifs and Timing in~ ~FFVII~ ~OSTs~
I’m going to analyze pieces in great detail, which people who haven’t studied or paid attention to soundtracks may find strange. To prevent anyone from making the mistake of thinking that I’m reading too much into things, I want to emphasize that the music that plays during the Remaketrilogy’s cutscenes is carefully timed, composed and arranged to match the events in the cutscenes, as they are provided in advance to the musicians. Composers pay lots of attention to whatever is going on onscreen so they can include the corresponding musical motifs as accompaniment at the exact right moments, always striving to get the timing perfect. I’m not exaggerating the effort and minutia involved in soundtrack composition and arrangement. Here are just a few sound staff comments from the “Material 4: Soundtrack” section of the FFVII Remake Material Ultimania to prove it:

“[To] make sure players really feel the weight of the moment, we worked hard on getting the tempo and the entry timing of each instrument exactly right. In particular, that big ‘boom’ that sounds almost like a meteor crashing down was fine-tuned to match the timing of the logo's appearance. I remember this was a real sticking point for us, because if the boom's timing was even slightly off, the effect would be completely different. We […] had to sequence [each and every sound] to play at exactly the right moment” (Shotaro Shima on track “Midgar, City of Mako”, page 229).

&

“I was originally told to keep this piece to under two minutes, but it ended up being over six minutes long, in order to match the flow of the cutscene. I arranged the track while watching the latest CG visuals that had been rendered for the scene” (Naoyuki Honzawa on track “Smash ‘Em, Rip ‘Em”, page 309).

&

“This is the track that plays during the tour of Shinra’s different divisions. The movie shown in the Visual Entertainment Hall describes the history of the Ancients (0:25 onward in the soundtrack version), and I wanted to create a musical link to them as well, so I made use of the chord progression from ‘Aerith’s Theme’ [D(I)-Am(Vm)-D(I).] [This simple sequence of moving from major to minor and back again creates a really mysterious air. Then, during the section where the movie recounts the history of the construction of the Shinra Building (1:47 onward in the soundtrack version), I quoted a section of the Shinra theme” (Yasunori Nishiki on track “Stewards of the Planet”, page 313).

~V. b) The~ ~Remake~ ~OST~
Now that you’re ready, it’s time to verify the Mission Theory’s validity with Remake’s music.
~V. b) i. MOTF 6 Music~
We were able to explain Remake Cloud’s MOTFs with the Mission Theory, and it just so happens that the music that plays during the scene of MOTF 6 is unique to Remake. This gives us the perfect opportunity: we should analyze the piece that plays as it occurs to evaluate the legitimacy of our theory on the Remake trilogy, using all the motifs we uncovered in section “V. a)”.
First, a refresher on the scene and on our theory’s interpretation of it. The party is gathered in Aerith and Ifalna’s old room at Shinra HQ. Here is how the scene is described by the VA script notes:

“The Whispers once again close in [on Aerith], but Aerith refuses to stop speaking this time.
Aerith: Listen to me. […] Shinra isn’t the enemy. They were the ones who set things in motion, but our true foe is someone else.
At that moment, the spectacle of Meteor they saw in the Visual Entertainment Hall comes into Cloud and the others’ heads.
Aerith: Somehow, some way, I want to help— all of you… the planet…
For some reason, Cloud feels his chest constrict tightly” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “Aerith Speaks”).

Indeed, right after Aerith says she wants to help the planet any way she can, Cloud looks down at his chest with a frown and a quiet grunt (7:46-7:54). According to the Mission Theory, this tightness in Cloud’s chest can be explained as an emergence of post-OG Cloud’s grief, triggered by the slightest allusion to Aerith’s sacrifice.
The piece that plays during this scene is called “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”. It is one of many variations of Aerith’s iconic theme arranged for Remake. However, Cloud’s theme is just as prominent in the piece— if not, more.
~V. b) i. 1) The Fate Motif~
Before we interpret “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”, I need to introduce you to one more motif that crops up in the piece. There is a windy motif that appears (from 1:45 onwards) and it is unaccounted for, despite how it’s clearly meant to represent something. I’ve become certain that this wind noise symbolizes fate, and I’ll tell you why.
In the MOTF 6 scene, just after Nanaki explains how he gained knowledge of the Whispers via contact with Aerith (7:23), they emerge and begin swirling aggressively around Aerith (7:26). Her hair and dress blow and ripple in the resulting wind. From this very moment onward “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” (3:00), a string section (bowed instruments in the violin family) that deliberately emphasizes the airy sound of the bow crossing the strings enters, creating a windy effect that adds to the already present wind noise (that started at 1:45). As the Whispers progressively become even more aggressive onscreen, both the wind SFX of the cutscene and the wind noise in the piece get louder and louder. Because of the timing of its appearance and crescendo in the cutscene, I’m certain the wind noise is meant to represent the restrictive flow of fate; it only makes sense, given that destiny is a current —or a wind— that cannot be broken, and Aerith is like a helpless petal in fate’s carefully planned storm. Of course, it’s also quite significant that the Whispers make a windy noise as they fly. You can hear it every time they’re onscreen, like when they first appear to Cloud in chapter 2 of Remake (17:45-18:20), or when the White Whispers hold Cloud back from chasing after Aerith during Rebirth’s Sleeping Forest scene in chapter 14 (28:43-29:45). You can also hear the wind sounds in other Whisper-related tracks, such as “Whorl of Whispers” (clearly audible at 2:50-3:05), as well as “A Death Not Ordained by Fate” (clearly audible at 2:56-3:18). Therefore, I’ll call these wind noises the “fate motif”.
~V. b) ii. 2) Interpreting “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”~
In part 1 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” (0:00-1:45), Aerith’s theme and Cloud’s true theme play simultaneously, their respective phrases fitting perfectly together, interweaving peacefully and softly. It sounds like the two of them are chatting, dancing bashfully yet contently and in perfect sync, glad to be exactly where they’re meant to be as their themes sing together in harmony (soft piano). Part 1 of this piece is about Cloud and Aerith becoming important to one another as they discover their soulmate bond.
Unfortunately that contentment doesn’t last. In part 2 (1:45-3:00), Cloud experiences a moment of psychic vulnerability (world theme’s interference section). Fate lurks (fate motif enters quietly). His instability forces our couple’s sweet dance to a halt, and Aerith’s theme must retreat as Cloud’s confusion takes center stage. Sephiroth torments and taunts him (semi-tone played by strings, 2:03-2:10), taking advantage of Cloud’s psychic interference to plunge him into darkness (world theme’s interference section ends, low cello enters, 2:18): Cloud temporarily becomes a darker version of himself as evil corrupts him (piano plays section A phrases 1 and 2 of Cloud’s true theme in minor, 2:18-2:53). Jenova finally reveals itself and promptly exits, releasing Cloud’s mind from its grasp (seven first notes of parasite motif played twice on piano 2:53-3:00). Cloud is free, but the damage has been done: his dance with Aerith has long been interrupted, and she is gone. Part 2 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is about Cloud being manipulated in service of Sephiroth and Jenova’s evil plan, interrupting his interaction with Aerith.
Part 3 (3:00-3:33) kicks off the mechanisms of a tragic fate (strings section joins fate motif, 3:00). Both anxious that she’s disappeared from his side and terrified of the darkness he just discovered inside him (in part 2), Cloud fearfully calls out for Aerith (phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A, timid and hesitant piano, 3:04-3:15). Before his psychic interference began (start of part 2), Cloud’s voice was accompanied by Aerith’s as they grew closer and closer (their character themes mingling in part 1)… but now, Aerith isn’t answering his call, and he cannot find her (Aerith’s theme doesn’t to join Cloud’s anymore).
Anxious, Cloud tries calling out for Aerith a second time (section A phrase 2 of Cloud’s true theme’s, 3:19-3:31), searching for her in the hopes that they can continue their dance, but even now, Aerith does not respond. She’s gone (Aerith’s theme remains absent). Destiny keeps Aerith away from Cloud (fate motif gently crescendos). Part 3 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is about Cloud’s separation from Aerith, his search for her, and the fear and anxiousness he feels when he realizes he cannot find her.
And then, part 4 begins with a sweet, gentle voice, calling out from the blackened horizon: it’s Aerith (section B phrase 1 of Aerith’s theme, soft piano, 3:33-3:45). Cloud finally hears her respond to his pleas: he’s found her. Fate begins howling in protest, doubling its efforts to keep Cloud and Aerith apart (fate motif crescendos noticeably in reaction to Aerith’s theme, 3:45). You can just picture Cloud running toward Aerith, struggling against the current of destiny to try and close the distance between them. Aerith tries calling out for Cloud a second time, (section B phrase 2 of Aerith’s theme, 3:40-3:43), but the Whispers only swirl around her more ferociously, taking her away in the uncompromising current of fate (fate motif continues to crescendo). Aerith tries again (section B phrase 1 of Aerith’s theme, 3:47-3:49). It sounds like she’s saying “Cloud, I’m over here, come find me!”
Fate doesn’t take too kindly to her defying it. Cloud and Aerith are not supposed to be together; it can’t be, it won’t. She’s destined to die to save the planet, and he’s destined to remain hollow forevermore. I can picture Cloud breaking into a sprint at the sound of her voice, running countercurrent to the flow of destiny— but the winds are so loud, fate’s demands are so strong, and the Whispers are shrieking in defense of destiny now. Aerith’s voice emerges for the fourth time (first three notes of section B phrase 3 of Aerith’s theme, 3:54 to 3:56). Fate screams louder, louder (steep crescendo of fate motif, 3:59-4:02). In a desperate hail Mary, Aerith shouts out one more time, as though throwing her hand out toward Cloud’s extended fingers (section C phrase 1 of Aerith’s theme, louder and more insistent, cutting through the fate motif as it crescendos sharply, 4:00-4:06). Part 4 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is about Cloud and Aerith desperately trying to defy fate in order to be together. And then, it all stops: fate has seemingly quieted Aerith (4:04-4:08)…
Part 5 (4:08-4:27) begins with Cloud jumping, launching himself off the ground with all his strength (Cloud’s true theme section A phrase 2, first 5 notes, melody starting on the note E5 and ascending) as Aerith plummets toward the ground in a fatal fall (Aerith’s theme section C phrase 1, melody starting on the note E6 and descending, the last note altered)— he successfully catches her in mid-air (both Cloud’s ascending melody and Aerith’s descending melody meet in the middle of the octave, first uniting on B5, and then ending on A5). I’ve recreated the melodies for you here so you can hear this reunion more clearly. If you consider that the airy strings in this piece represent fate, which I do, the fact that they follow Cloud and Aerith’s themes in part 5 signifies that they are now in control of their own destinies, and successfully making it their fate to reunite.
To be completely frank, I did not realize until right now writing this that Cloud unites with Aerith in part 5, even though his theme is right there. I’m so excited to share this part with you.
We hear Aerith once more, her voice quietly trailing off into the silence (phrase 4 of section C of Aerith’s theme) with no conclusion (phrase 5 normally follows phrase 4 to conclude Aerith’s theme, but is absent here). Part 5 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” suggests that Cloud will save Aerith and that the couple will change their fate, but also conveys an uncertain and open-ended quality.

This is part 2 of a series that I have done on the relevance that Old Testament social principles have to our times. In the first part I looked at the OT's critique of lesser of two evils politics. In this one I will be looking at the Old Testament understanding of the relationship between social justice and intersectionality. Intersectionality was a term popularised in the late 80s and 90s by scholar and activist Kimberlee Crenshaw. In her analysis she says the following:

• "One of the very few Black women's studies books is entitled All the Women Are White; All the Blacks Are Men, But Some of Us are Brave. I have chosen this title as a point of departure in my efforts to develop a Black feminist criticism because it sets forth a problematic consequence of the tendency to treat race and gender as mutually exclusive categories of experience and analysis...this tendency is perpetuated by a single-axis framework that is dominant in antidiscrimination law and that is also reflected in feminist theory and antiracist politics.I will center Black women.... in order to contrast the multidimensionality of Black women's experience with the single-axis analysis that distorts these experiences"(Demarginalising the intersections of race and sex, pg 139)
• "I observed the dynamics of structured intersectionality during a brief field study of battered women's shelters located in minority communities in Los Angeles. In most cases the physical assault that leads women to these shelters is merely the most immediate manifestation of the subordination they experience. Many women who seek protection are unemployed or underemployed and a good number of them are poor. Shelters serving these women cannot afford to address only the violence inflicted by the batterer; they must also confront the other multilayered and routinised forms of domination that often converge in these women's lives"(Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics and Violence against Women of Color)

With this assumptions, definitions and terms used above I will look at how the Old Testament looks at social justice through an interconnected and intersectional lense in key moments in the text.
1)The justice precepts of the OT:

• "Thus says the Lord: Act with justice and righteous, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor anyone who has been robbed. And do no wrong or violence to the alien, the orphan and the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place"(Jeremiah 22:3)
• "The princes of Israel in you everyone according to his power, have been bent on shedding blood. Father and mother are treated with contempt in you; the alien residing within you suffers extortion; they orphan and widow are wronged in you. You have despised my holy things, and profaned my sabbaths. In you are those who slander to shed blood, those in you who eat upon the mountains, who commit lewdness in your midst. In you they uncover their father's nakedness; in you they violate women in their periods."(Ezekiel 22:6-10)

2)David and the Prophet Nathan:

• "And the Lord sent Nathan to David.He came to him and said to him 'There were two men in a certain city, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had very many flocks and herds; but the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb, which he had bought. He brought it up, and it grew up with him and with his children; it used to eat of is meagre fare, and drink from his cup, and lie in his bosom, and it was like a daughter to him. Now there came a traveller to the rich man, and he was loath to take one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the wayfarer who had come to him, but he took the poor man's lamb, and prepared that for the guest who had come to him'. Then David's anger was greatly kindled against the man. He said to Nathan, 'As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserved to die;"(2 Samuel 12:1-5)
• "Nathan said to David 'You are the man! Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel: I anointed you king over Israel, and I rescued you from the hand of Saul; I gave you your master's house, and your master's wives into your bosom, and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added as much more. Why have you despised the world of the Lord, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites"(2 Samuel 12:7-9)

3)The Levite and the Concubine:

• "In those days when there was no king in Israel, a certain Levite residing in the remote parts of the hill country of Ephraim, took to himself a concubine from Bethlehem in Judah. But his concubine became angry with him and she went away from him to her father's house at Bethlehem in Judah and was there for some four months. Then her husband set out after her to speak tenderly to her and bring her back. He had with him his servant and a couple of donkeys. When he reached her father's house the girl's father saw him and came with joy to meet him"(Judges 19:1-3)
• "When they were near Jebus, the day was far spent and the servant said to his master(the Levite) 'Come now, let us turn aside to this city of the Jebusites, and spend the night in it'. But his master said to him, 'We will not turn aside into a city of foreigners, who do not belong to the people of Israel; but we will continue on to Gibeah'. Then he said to his servant 'Come let us try to reach one of these places, and spend the night at Gibeah or at Ramah'. So they passed by and went on their way; and the sun went down on them near Gibeah, which belongs to Benjamin. They turned aside there, to go in ans spend the night at Gibeah. He went in and sat down in the open square of the city, but no one took them in to spend the night. Then at evening there was an old man coming from his work in the field. The man was from the hill country of Ephraim and he was residing in Gibeah...The old man said 'Peace be to you. I will care for your wants; only do not spend the night in the square'. So he brought him into his house and fed the donkeys; they washed their feet and ate and drank"(Judges 19:11-16/20-21)
• "While they were enjoying themselves the men of the city, a depraved lot, surrounded the house and started pounding on the door. They said to the old man, the master of the house 'Bring out the man who came into your house so that we may have intercourse with him'. And the man, the master of the house, went out to them and said to them 'No, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. Since this man is my guest, do not do this vile thing. Here are my virgin daughter and his concubine; let me bring them out now. Ravish them and do whatever you want to them; but against this man do not do such a vile thing'. But the men would not listen to him. So the man seized his concubine, and put her out to them. They wantonly raped her, and abused her all through the night until morning. And as the dawn began to break, they let her go"(Judges 19:22-25)

When we take these stories we see and intersectional analysis at play. In the Parable of the Prophet Nathan we see the thing of hospitality interacting with class. In the story of the concubine we see the theme of hospitality interact with gender and sexual violence. The Levite and the concubine are shown hospitality in the house of the father in law and the old man. But hostility is shown by the people of Gibeah to outsider. Here, we see xenophobic violence display itself through sexual violence. But then it gets worst of course. Because both the old man and the Levite are willing to sacrifice the concubine and the virgin daughter. The feminist theologian Phyllis Trible in her book "Texts of Terror" states that the house demonstrates the "gendered" limits of hospitality. When it is male figure, hospitality has to be protected at all cost. When it comes to the the women characters, they are more than willing to sacrifice that hospitality. To push them to the margins, symbolised by the outside of the house. And so we see in the concubine what Kimberly Crenshaw spoke of in her work at battered shelters. Structured intersectionality. A woman subject to the multidimensional forces of patriarchal norms, xenophobic hostility, and sexual violence. The story of the concubine parallels the multidimensional story of migrant and refugee women in our world today who face the multiple forces of xenophobic hostility, oppressive cultural norms, and sexual violence as well.
It's the same thing in Nathan's parable at a different angle. If we see the see the gendered limits of hospitality in the Concubine episode, we see it's class limits in this parable. The rich man is willing to show hospitality to a wayfarer. And he does it at the expense of the man who is poor. His hospitality is built on economic exploitation. Now the twist is that Nathan is telling this Parable both as an irony and to expose King David's hypocrisy. Because David did an injustice to Uriah the Hittite. He had him murdered to take his wife. And Uriah because he is a "Hittite" is a stranger, a foreigner. Murder is the most inhospitable act you can do to a stranger. Nathan breaks us out of a single axis analysis of things by making the point that the same norms that allow a rich man to exploit the poor are the same ones that allow a King to murder an outsider to take his wife. Xenophobic violence and class oppression are intertwined. Which is why in the precepts of the Prophets care for the poor and the widows and orphans is coupled with care for the alien and stranger. And it is couple in the rhetoric of Jeremiah to not shed innocent blood. The structures built on violence are the same ones that marginalise the poor and target the orphan and the outsider. Many of the people who are poor under these structures are also widows and aliens as well. And as the Prophet Ezekiel points out, which ties back to the story of the concubine, the same people with power that shed innocent blood and oppress and extort the poor are also the ones who normalise and perpetuate a culture of sexual violence. These are definitely relevant for our times because the Old Testament's ethical framework breaks us out of a single axis view of social justice to view things in a multidimensional perspective. We have to look at the lives of migrants and refugees from a multidimensional perspective. We have to look at the experiences of black and indigenous communities from a multidimensional perspective when in these communities women have to endure the multiple burdens of racial violence coupled with patriarchal and sexual violence. We cannot speak of an identity politic that does not look at class oppression and violence. All of these intersect. All of these are multidimensional. And in that multidimensional reality Jeremiah's voice rings as true back then as today. Stand up for the poor, the orphan, the widow and the oppressed who has been robbed. And shed no innocent blood in this place.

I attended IADT right out of high school and wracked up a dumb amount of loans. Same story - no guidance or understanding of predatory loans while attending a predatory school. One time I was even told by the school finance person, “Do you want to go to school? Then sign” when I asked why I needed more loans part way through the semester.
I ended up needing to go back to school to get a second AA (paid out of pocket) and took minimal loans for my BA.
About 2 years ago, my private loans were actually forgiven due to the school being included in the lawsuit.
My federal loans have been consolidated and I’ve had a borrowers defense app in since August 2023 that’s still says ‘In Review’
Every time I log in, the site prompts me with completing a borrowers defense app saying I might qualify even though I have an application in review…??
I know it will take time, but I’m waiting for an email saying the loans taken for the AI school will be forgiven. I have no issue continuing to pay for the loans I took for my BA. Since they’re all consolidated, I have no idea how much will even be forgiven. Im assuming I’ll be left with 10-12k since I took so little out for my BA.
I’ve been screwed over so much in scared/nervous it won’t actually happen.I know it will take time to get to everyone i just wish they flagged your account with a notification that it’s coming.
I think I’m looking for some reassurance that the loans in my situation will eventually be forgiven too. Especially since my private loans from the same school qualified. Does this situation sound like it qualifies and I should just relax until they get to me?