It's my birthday today, so here’s a rant. The internet these days has a birthday problem. It's not the enthusiastic, cake-and-balloons kind of problem, but a relentless, data-hungry one. Every website and service you encounter feels like it's shoving a virtual birthday cake in your face, demanding your birthdate in exchange for some "special offer." It's the internet equivalent of that bakery that relentlessly pushes stale donut holes on your birthday – a hollow gesture that leaves you feeling a little sad and a lot hungrier for something more meaningful.

• They're the antithesis of special. These emails have become the beige walls of the internet's birthday corridor. Generic subject lines, clip-art balloons that look like they've been deflated one too many times, and a discount code weaker than yesterday's coffee – it's the greeting card aisle of email. Rows and rows of the same uninspired messages, promising cheer but delivering none of the genuine warmth or surprise that makes a birthday special.
• The "surprise" is a total yawn. Let's be honest, their idea of a birthday surprise is usually 10% off a product you never intended to buy in the first place. No, thanks. I'd rather have a real friend show up with a slice of actual cake, not a digital voucher for discount shoe laces. It feels less like a celebration and more like a desperate sales tactic disguised in confetti and forced cheer.
• It's all about data, not you. Don't be fooled by the glitter and insincere singing. These companies just want to add your birthday to their ever-growing data profile, so they can bombard you with targeted ads for things you never needed in the first place. It's like they're giving you a birthday present with a hidden camera attached, all while singing "Happy Birthday" in the most insincere voice imaginable.

• Remember me, for real! Ditch the automated scripts. Send a genuine, personalized message that shows they know who I am and what I might be interested in. A quick "Happy Birthday, [Your Name]" with a heartfelt message about a product I actually use or a service I genuinely enjoy goes a lot further than a generic discount code.
• Offer a surprise that's, well, surprising! Maybe a free upgrade to a premium service for a month, early access to a new product launch, or even a donation to a charity I support in my name. Something that makes me feel valued as a customer, not just another data point on a spreadsheet.

Strawberry Cheesecake

• Background: I love strawberry ice cream and I love cheesecake, and probably would have gotten this one sooner except I was burned by a poor experience with a Ben and Jerry’s fruit flavor and white ganache top. I think it may have been the discontinued Strawberry Topped Tart. Thankfully, this flavor is nothing like that.
• I also recently tried Ben and Jerry’s Vanilla and knew I’d probably like a vanilla based flavor because of it.
• Description: “Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream with Strawberries and a Thick Graham Cracker Swirl.” > Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream: a natural but very muted strawberry infused cheesecake flavor. Take Haagen Dazs Strawberry (10/10 strawberry flavor) and mute it down 60% (4/10 intensity). Cheesecake is mild; not very tangy but pleasant. > Strawberries: not many pieces shown in the image on the container, and even less in the pint. What there is is natural frozen strawberry taste. > Graham Cracker Swirl: By far, the best and strongest flavor of the pint. Accurate and very flavorful Graham cracker pie crust crumble. Rich, buttery, salted. Probably the best pie crust I’ve tasted in ice cream.
• RATING: 8/10. I would repurchase, but I feel a bit skimped on with the strawberries. The Flavorcast (episode here) was right: the Graham cracker is everything.

Impretzively Fudged

• Background: this is a new flavor from Ben and Jerry’s, I believe released with PB S’Mores. I have been on a bit of a quest for a fancy chocolate ice cream. Does this fit the bill?
• Description: “ Chocolate Ice Cream with Fudge-Covered Pretzel Pieces and Pretzel Swirls” > Chocolate Ice Cream: actually a semi-sweet chocolate with a dark chocolate lean. Certainly chocolate-y, not bland at all. But also quite sweet. Does leave a sweet taste in my mouth after eating. > Fudge-covered pretzel pieces and pretzel swirl: the star of the show. Salty, definitely crispy, likely due to the fudge covering. An exciting, textural bite kind of like an avalanche of pretzel. Also with a bit of square shaped chocolate pieces that have the texture of brittle, but chocolate. > Overall taste: straightforward, chocolate, sweet, salt. Pared down Ben and Jerry’s which isn’t trying too hard with too many conflicting ingredients.
• RATING: 7/10. I like dark chocolate. I like salt. I like chocolate covered pretzels (growing up I ate a lot of Flipz milk chocolate covered pretzels). I think Ben and Jerry’s has a nice focused flavor here. But it’s just a bit sweet for me.
• Rating caveats: Still better than Haagen Dazs Double Belgian Chocolate (reviewed here) though which was very sweet and which I rated 6/10. Would not repurchase Impretzively Fudged, but I get why it’s a favorite for some. If you want a high brow chocolate ice cream, this could fit the bill, but it may be on the top end of sweetness (and saltiness) for some. It is however a balanced flavor probably worth the notice for Jeni’s ice cream lovers (she sometimes has salty elements in her ice creams).

Other recommendations:

• Lets meet up at X cafe in 30 minutes
• Sure 30 minutes works for me... uhm but is it okay we meet somewhere else?
• Nooo I like this cafe, this cafe is comfortable.
• Oh okay... see you there. (We hang up, I call her back right away)
• I thought about it I'm so sorry but I really don't want to go to that cafe you know that its where my boss laid me off yesterday.
• (scoffs) you really think we're going to run into him?
• yeah he told me he was laying off the rest of the team today theres a high chance he's going to be there and I ran into some other members over there not too long ago
• what if we just sit in the back
• I really don't even want to see their face even if they see me. i just dont want to risk it I really dont' want to be there.
• ugh, I wanted to leave my bags there while I run a quick errand and that cafe is cool with that stuff.
• Oh, is there a way I can hold onto it maybe? you could drop them at my place is it a lot of stuff what are you carrying?
• Just my backpack.
• Oh... I just really don't want to go there what about the cafe across the street?
• Ugh that place costs more and that place doesn't have the drinks I like.
• Im suggesting that place because I gave u a coupon for that place last week do you still have it?
• You gave me a coupon?
• Yeah it should be for a slice of cake. If you don't want cake i'm sure they'll let you get a beverage instead.
• Alright that works for me! See you there in 30 min (Gets there before me then calls me)
• The manager said I cant exchange the coupon...
• sigh okay uhm I have another coupon thats a drink and a beverage you can use that one i'll send it to you
• are you sure? it's your coupons
• friend... I really don't want to go to that cafe I don't care about coupons by this point just take it
• Okay! Fine with me~! (She sends me the first coupon I gave her and I send her the new coupon. Btw both of these coupons were gifts from friends for my birthday that's why they were cakes... I gave one to her last week because I wanted to cheer her up for an upcoming exam she had).