26M
I was given Bisoprolol 5 and Amlopidine 5 in Jan,2021 when I was diagnosed with Hypertension (160/90). I was weighing a lot, had bad eating habits, no exercise etc. Fast forward to 2024, I have reduced around 20 kgs, eating clean, 5-6x exercise weekly. My BP has reduced to 110/70. I have started tapering Bisoprolol from 5 to 2.5 mg. I usually have my BP checked twice a day and it is usually around 100/70 or 110/70. HR stays around 65-75 BPM. It has been 10 days, but I have headaches and weird chest pinches, though not painful. I am a bit worried if these are normal withdrawal symptoms of bisoprolol stopping after 3.5 years.
Let me know your experience or anything you want to share or warn me. Also if anything helped you during the taper process.
Thanks

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

Chapter 1: the event
It was the fall of my intern year as I bean my off service trauma rotation. This month was ubiquitously notorious for being the most labor intrusive and least productive rotaion of our emergency medicine program. Knowing this I entered with the intention of simply surviving the month.
Another intern and I let’s call them A for sake of ambiguity, we’re the first emergency medicine residents to roste on the trauma services that year. A shaky start would be an understatement. In the words of chance the raper “like my grama with the Parkinson’s playing operation.” Would better describe it. Medically we did well. We were very competent and completed our work daily, but communication and coordination was non existent. Our Cheifs had informed us that Tuesday was our day of and the Trauma cheif residents had minimum communication with us, or our Cheifs as it seams when A and I did not report on Tuesday they sternly made their dissatisfaction known.
I have struggled with insomnia sense the age of 10. Had 2 sleep studies by this point in my life and been prescribed nearly every sleeping aid on the market. The 80-94 hr work weeks of our trauma rotaion only worsened my insomnia. My lack of sleep likely contributed to a less than prime adaptive immune system and 2 days out of my trauma rotaion I contracted strep like symptoms with associated nausea, requiring me to call for a sick day the next day. No the first day that I felt too ill to work. I was not fully aware of the reporting process. I reported to my Chiefs, but I did not believe I could come to work tomorrow with amble time and notice, however I was somewhat delayed in letting their Cheifs know, because the surgical chiefs rotated every few days and I did not know who my was going to be the next day. The second day which I had to call out sick I was able to locate the cheif for the next day and reprot according to our university’s protocol, which requires that if a resident feels they are not fit for work they must not come in and the university must have staff coverage without any fear or implementation of punitive actions.
I had finally survived to the last week of my trauma rotaion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. What I could not see was the pile of stress, shitty diet, lack of mental well ness and sleep deprivation which I was pushing down to reach the light. By this time I had seen a psychiatrist regularly for sleep medication. I had mentioned to him that I had been experiencing more stressed lately and feel that I might be depressed. he reassured me that it was likely only due to my circumstances, given the difficulty of the trauma rotation and wish to reassess once the rotation was over. Looking back I had to fill the habit of drinking more than I usually do. My only on nights before I have days off became 1-2 beers every other night. All of this repressed unhealthy shit finally pushed bad on September 23rd. That night I was at work even later than usual, I stayed up later than usual and couldn’t seem to fall asleep. With the stress of only having minimal sleep and knowing I only had 2 more days of trauma left, I took an extra dose of my sleeping medication.
I opened my eyes to the fighting sight of sun beaming in my window and I instantly knew I was late. (Sense I hadn’t seen the sun in a month) . Due to my need for scrupulous sleep hygiene I have been sleeping with my phone of and away for me. I rushed to grab it and watched as the little Apple logo seamed to glow on the screen for an eternity. Then in conjunction with its fading I saw 3 missed calls from my director, a text from college A and 2 missed calls from the surgical director. Still, I was able to calm myself, knowing that resident A had been late to this rotation by a few hours 2 other days and nothing came of it. I called my director back and he asked me to report to his office where I was greeted by my director, my coordinator and another emergency medicine facility.
With the only explanation of: “we just want you to get better”, I was handed a letter, to my relief it did not entail my termination, but a declaration of administrative leave and a requirement to undergo an evaluation at a well known university in Florida.
Lake any other savvy millennial, I did my research. By research I mean numerous google searches and screeches thru the depts of redit. To my dismay I discovered that in order for a residency program to fire you, they must first initiate an administrative suspension. I would soon find out however, being terminated would have been a delightful outcome compared to what ensued.
I spend the next few weeks in the wallos of regret and depression. I indulged in higher qualities of alchohol then I ever have before. I all but ceased communing with peers, and abruptly stoped any physical activity I had once enjoyed. Frightened as I was I was ensured, it will be ok “we just want you to get better”
Chapter 2 The evaluation : guilty until proven innocent I did exactly as instructed and scheduled an evaluation, I supposed that this was either a mental evaluation to assess if I’m fit for work with plans of termination or it actually was an evaluation to better treat my insomnia. To this day I regret my ignorance, and wish I had researched the process more. The Hindi / sand-skrt idea of Hamsa 🪬 is that in order to do any good you must have full knowledge or else good intentions can result in harm. I truely believe my director had good intentions, however but him and I did not have full knowledge of the nature of this evaluation.
Looking back see how easily I could have avoided my troubles by asserting legal aid at this point or even by researching this evaluation process more in depth. If one searches impaired practitioner program which I now know this evaluator works for, the search entire will populate 5 or 6 layferms along side their home website and there is a valid reason for this.
If one every finds themself in this process I employ you to bring a DSM to your evaluation or at least be familiar with the most common use disorders in the DSM-5, because your evaluation will turn into a dance of questions where the evaluator attempts to trap you in a round about way to stating something that may qualify for one of the diagnosis. I have provided an image from the DSM-5 below outlining AUD, which the evaluator concluded that I had the most severe from:
Image
Example***** Here are 10 examples of how he fraudulently assessed me taken directly from his assessment note.

1. Evaluator: Have you ever stoped drinking in the last year.

Me: yes I stoped every week day, I was only drinking on the weekends, until two weeks ago.
-Evaluator uses stoping and starting every week to qualify for 2 or more unsuccessful attempts to stop in the last year “There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.”

1. Evaluator Have you ever had withdrawal symptoms

Me no
Evaluator Well Have you ever had a hangover? You know that’s a from of acute withdrawal
Me: yes in college, I had a few but that was years ago and I’m pretty sure the pathophysiology is different.
Evaluator uses this to count for withdrawal symptoms even tho is was more than a year ago

1. Evaluator: Have you even taken your sleeping medication on a day or night which you drank? Me: Yes, I took my prescriptions are prescribed but I never drank close to bed

Evaluator: qualified this as dangerous behavior with alcohol (where the DSM gives examples such as unprotected sex and drunk driving). The sleeping medication I was on is not a benzodiazepine therefore it is not deadly with alcohol. I personally have seen many patients in the ED who have taken their entire bottle of the medication and drank copious amounts, we just monitor them over night and rehydrate them

1. Evaluator Has anyone told you you drink to much or been worried about you Me: No I drink much less than my friends

Evaluator what about your girlfriend? Me: well she actually doesn’t drink at all she doesn’t like it. She often buys me beer for The Weeknd’s tho. One time we went to a movie and she got a little irritated because I waited for beer then complained about them not having any craft beer. So she said, “you couldn’t have just said no” and drank something else. However, she apologized after and said it’s worth waiting if it’s my only day off.
Evaluator said this qualifies for continued drinking despite causing significant relation consequences, ie divorce.

1. Evaluator : you have sleep issues I hear, and your chart says you’ve had depression in the past, don’t you know that alcohol can effect your sleep and mood Me: yes that’s why I never drink within 3 hours of sleep.

Evaluator but you knew this and still drank
Evaluator: qualifies for drinking despite unwanted physical or psychological effects (this should be recurring to effects the alcohol is causing, I have had insomnia sense the age of 10 long before I took my first sip)
7 evaluator you were late for work and told my you had a drink the day before
Me: Yes but I was late because I didn’t sleep and took double my sleeping meds, I will never do that again
Qualifies for 2 significant work or school issues in the past year ( a therapist and other psychologist ensured me that being late on or a few days doesn’t count they typically are getting fired or failing) ( moreover, this would assume I was late do to drinking it’s self and also assume if happened more than once)

1. • Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended

He never once asked anything related to this question yet said I qualified in his final report 9. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects. The evaluators logic here was sense I was late for work and I had 2 beers the day before I must be taking long to recover from it (this is assuming I missed due to alcohol)

1. Tolerance drinking more to require the same effect: this he checked as true in his final note however it was never even discussed in our evaluation. I did mention to him that I’ve been drinking more than I had earlier in the year frequency wise, but they said nothing to do with quantity or needing more.
   
2. Wanting to drink so bad you can not think of anything else: this is the only qualification of SAUD my evaluator said I did not have.
   

Moreover, without legal help I was not aware that I could obtain a second evaluation or even oppose going to get evaluated at all, but that wouldn’t have mattered seeing I still thought this was for my health and wellbeing as seen when I was asked why do you think you are here to today, to which I replayed “so that I can be evaluated to see what is needed to get back to work”.
To maks the ordeal more infuriating the evaluator continues to ingratiate himself and lie through the process telling you, “it will be fine as long as you are 100% honest”, “anything you say in here is between you and me” or “you slipped up once with your meds, I know your residnecy program they will probably just want a few more out patient tests”
Two weeks later I received a phone call right before I left for an out of state vacation to visit my nice for her birthday. During the call I was informed that I would be required to complete a partial hospitalization program (PHP) lasting “6-10 weeks” which would coast from 15-50 grand not including doctor visits or housing which is billed separately. I suppressed this inconvenience, enjoyed my vocation and reported when I returned, knowing that I must complete this soon so I may return to work with due to the fact that my payed time off would soon be diminished. At this time I had not yet heard of the organization PRN.
Chapter 3 Guilty till proven innocent: The diagnosis
Shell shocked I arrived to a in patient psychiatric unit and was rapidly cleared to progress to treatment without detoxification. During my 90 day of forced rehabilitation I met a few other individuals who were unjustly and fraudulently forced into treatment. I began to look up to one of these such members of the men’s community, who I will refer to as patient X for ambiguity sake.
Unlike me patient X did have alcohol use disorder. He spent many clinic days drinking to avoid alcoholic withdraws. The curious component of his story is that he admitted his depravity, saught help and through his own journey became sober. The bodies at be, namely his local physician, Health monitoring program, rejected his personal path to sobriety and forced him to undergo 90 days of in patient treatment before he could practice medicine again. When he checked in to rehab he had been sober for over a year.
Ask for Stories of people from online
As for me I spend many sleepless nights pondering how consuming a legal substance in a moderate amount could throw me into significant legal financial issues. My labs my toxicology, my story and my collateral from colleagues from colleagues all indicated light to moderate alcohol use but my evaluators word stood as the word of God.
More frightening was the director of this rehabs acknowledgment of this. The director who happens to also coincidentally be the evaluator, stated to me as well as to staff on multiple occasions: “ I suggest inpatient treatment for everyone who is reported”. “This is safer for me not to miss anyone who could harm patients, and I figure there must be a reason someone reported them.”
I am still elucidating the reason why I was determined guilty and proven innocent, however I can say from my 90 day stent that the majority of the patients at this rehab needed to be there. This program is saving lives of both providers and patients, however it is destroying the lives of those wrongfully accused.
Chapter 4 your lisense rehab or jail : Upon arivil I was sent to a detox hospital underwent a medical examination and was “one of the lucky ones” who required no detoxification and could report directly to PHP. Like everyone else, I spent 90 days in a PHP, being as 6-10 weeks is simply a lie they tell patients to decrease the change of resisting the treatment. When discussing the topic one therapist sated “if we told patients 90 days they would never come.” She then attempted to justify the treatment by outlining the story of a patient she had called who “didn’t make it to treatment” and killed themselves”. It is my belief that it is not the lack of PHP which impelled such professionals to take their life, but them realizing that they now will be obliged to undergo 90 days of PHP, 5 years of PRN monitoring with a loss of autonomy and hundreds of thousands of dollars taken from them that induced their hopelessness. For even if these professionals were truly mentally unstable in their addictions, in every case it was only following a phone call where they were informed they must undergo treatment that they took their life’s. By this time I still haven’t the slightest clue what PRN was.
Despite the security these programs provide for many my 6 main issues with them can be summarized in : 1. Kick backs: evaluators are directors of treatment clinics 2. The reported are guilty till proven innocent 3. The price, the overflow of money these places drag in from both patients and state universities is appalling, they charge separately for every visit and test 4. Although they make the claim that they are individualized, they are anything but. Every patient gets the same stay and treatment from the doctor drunk on the job and the one who was late to a shift 5. They force voluntary treatment. remember that friendly evaluator who promised he had your best interest at heart, so you opened up and told him everything about your substance use/ developmental / family history, well if you don’t stay for 90 days he will be “normally obliged” to tip the board of medical off to you.

1. The programs have overstepped their intended jurisdiction. -these programs work well if they function how they were intended at their inception. Cite original purpose. Originally these programs were designed to protect physicians and civilians from impaired practitioners; being healthcare workers who were impaired at work. Over the years, these organizations have extended their authority to encompass individuals with substance use disorders When not at work and also those who are in training to become healthcare professionals. Take for example myself compared to a physician who is impaired at work. A doctor who arrived for duty under the influence would surely benifit from the extensive testing, therapy and accountability enforced via these programs. In accordance the 20,000$ per year cost is appropriate when only making up roughly 7% of their yearly salary vs nearly half of a residents. In my case with my loss of income from employment, coast of treatment and monitoring, this year I will be required to pay 20,000$ to work. Yes, I will be losing money to work. Even if did indeed have a substance use disorder this level of monitoring wouldn’t not be considered appropriate.

Dispite all of the miscomings of this System My time spend in PHP was indeed helpful, as I believe it would be for anyone. Time for exercise, a reprieve from work and weekly counseling. A sample structure of my day to day schedule is provided below for insight:
Structure The general structure of these rehabitation centers is as follows: 1. One week of orientation phase, where you are not allowed in electronics or contact with the outside world world. Therefore, if you’re going, bring some things you would like to read or study. 2. In phase 2, you can use your phone however you cannot leave campus. You must stay in the dorm on campus. These shitty 1 room run down apartments with two other roommates will cost you about $1000 a week, they are required for at least four weeks and they are billed separately, no insurance will help you out here. 3. In phase 3 you can commute to campus if you beg your therapist and live very close. Whether you’re on campus or living off-campus, you are allowed to leave up to four hours per day. If you commute, you’ll be required to take a sober link decide you must Breath, alcohol test into every 6 hours. Like everything else in this program you must pay for this separately, a few hundred dollars a week. You advanced to other phases by completing assignments, however, assignments are limited by required built-in time, intrusive, scheduling, and reviewing. Therefore, if you do everything as rapidly as possible phase 1 will take one week phase 2 will take three weeks.
Every day schedule:
7:30: wake up, report to the front desk to inform them that you haven’t ran away yet and take and prescribed medications. They keep all your medications and require that you report to take them; for me this was antidepressants in an attempt to dispel the depression I contracted from being forced into treatment and whatever off label medication they were attempting to treat my ADHD with, since control medications were forbidden.
8 am: community group assessments This consisted of other patients presenting their assignments amongst the large group, on the weekends this was often an hour later and 12 study regularly took the place of assignment presentation.
10 am: process group. This was a two hour group therapy session with 6 to 12 other professionals in a therapist and training or occasionally a licensed mental health therapist.
1 pm: recreation This was generally about an hour of some sober themed craft or activity. Once a week this time slot was used for yoga.
2 pm: this was another time slot used for patients to present assignments as well as for individual therapy sessions. Each patient had one individual therapy session lasting 30 minutes per week.
3pm: This was time allotted to work on assignments or go to the gym on your sex specific scheduled gym day.
5pm: this time was used for guest speakers or another 12 step study group.
6 pm : this was generally an off-campus 12 step group
10 pm: report to the front desk and let them know you still haven’t ran away and take and Medication which are prescribed to take at night, then return to your cot bed in your room with 1-2 other roommates.
I found the community to be one of the most beneficial aspects of the PHP program. I was in a cohort of chill ass professionals of the same occupation who were always there to help each other.
Assignments The curriculum of the PHP consisted of assignment based on every step of the 12th step program. Generally, a patient would be required to complete an assignment on their own, review it with other patients, then faculty and finally present the assignment in front of the whole treatment group. You’re only given one assignment at a time and there are multiple steps to each which all requires scheduling this ensures that no matter how determined a patient is a full 90 days of treatment is required to complete all the assignments.
AA structure -the obsolete nature of AA has been verified in numbers studies, but I will refrain from divulging here and lend that endeavor to Dr. Lance Dodes very thorough discussion on the subject,in “the sober truth “
In all sincerity, if I truely did have a severe use disorder this experience could have been life saving. I only wish I could have used my 50 grand for someone who has spent their life time In addictive without reprieve. My first conversation when I was given my phone back was how I wish my father could be able to attend this PHP.
Chapter 5 reporting and PRN Self reporting What they ask you What you should tell them
There’s a third-party agency called professional resource network. Every state has their own. This agency works as a liaison between you and whatever credentialing service your occupation requires. Essentially they ensure your monitoring after treatment. Stake governments and licensing boards trust them, mainly because they monitor with the highest level of intrusiveness. This alleviates much work for state governments and licensing boards because once an individual is being monitored by a professional resource network, then they are deemed appropriate for duty and no further investigation/litigation needs to occur, as long as the monitored individual completely complies.
Because I was never impaired at work I was never reported to this agency. The general workflow of things someone would report you to professional resource network, then the resource network would contact you, and then you would be required to report for an evaluation at a treatment center, which would inevitably result in a suggestion I’ve treatment at that given treatment center. In my case I was sent to the treatment center without PRN being involved. Thus, two weeks into treatment. I was notified by my therapist that I needed to call PRN and self report. I attempted to resistance given that I did not have a problem and was not individually seeking help. I asked what happened if I didn’t self report. I was told that in order to stay in the treatment program I had to report to PRN. This meant either I report to PRN or I get kicked out of the treatment program and lose my job.
When you report to PRN they will ask you why you are in treatment. They will then list off every substance imaginable, asking you if you have ever tried the substance and when your last use was. Ultimately, they will obtain your discharge information from your treatment center, so it is in your best interest to report only what was found in your biochemical testing. If it wasn’t in your hair, I would argue that you don’t have a use disorder regarding that substance and it’s not relevant. I don’t believe it’s important for them to know that you smoked weed when you were 12.
Chapter 6 The contract:
Before being discharged from a treatment facility, a professional resource network will have you sign a contract. A little known fact which I was oblivious to is that contracts can be negotiated. Though this isn’t it possible, it is highly improbable that you can negotiate your contract since PRN has a power to delay your clearance to return to work.
Contractor almost never personalized, and I have not heard of a contract which is not a five-year agreement. You will sign releases of information so that PRN has access to all of your information which was gathered at the treatment facility. You must have a therapist, psychiatrist, primary care, doctor, and a addiction, medicine psychiatrist. You assign releases of information for all of them. You will be required To commit to: 1. three mutual aid meetings a week which you must log. I log smart recovery meetings. 2. Weekly therapy sessions with an approved mental health therapist from their list 3. Monthly doctors appointments with an addiction medicine psychiatrist 4. Yearly appointments with a primary care physician 5. Monthly appointments with a psychiatrist 6. Daily check-ins on a random drug testing app ( you will agree to weekly urine tests, a peth test 4 times a year, a hair test twice a year and a little caveat that says anything else they deem, clinically reasonable) 7. Quarterly update reports which you are required to obtain from a workplace monitor, therapist, addiction, medicine, psychiatrist, primary care physician and any other doctor you are seeing. 8. You must upload all of your prescriptions into a mobile application every single time you get them refilled and are not allowed to take them until they are approved. 9. Attendance of a PRN group via zoom. This is a local group you are assigned along with other monitored practitioners. There is a fee of roughly 130$ a month to attend this required group. For me all of these requirements coast around 20,000 a year. If you ever have a positive test even if it is the result of contamination from rubbing alcohol or unintentional ingestion of alcohol/ allergy medication your contract will rest to 5 years from the time of positive test. Once your five year contract is completed, you must ask to be released from monitoring. At that point they will search for any reason to keep you under monitoring. This could be dilute urines, daily check ins or a week where you did not attend mutual aid meetings. Every certification and license which you apply for will likely ask you if you were under a monitoring program/ have been treated for substance use. You must give an explanation and check yes. As far as licensing programs are concerned, if you were under the monitoring of PRN, you are safe, however they group practitioners who have had behavioral issues with practitioners who were diverting drugs from work. Therefore, keep in mind that you will be labeled as a sever addict.
7 Back to work and only work. During treatment your only goal is to return to work, however when you return your experience will be drastically distinct from what you remember. For me, I was now working in isolation. Missing six months of my training meant that no other Resident was on the same rotation as me. My coworkers at all formed friend groups. When I returned I was greeted with much concern for my well being. No one would speak to be about my absence, however everyone knew there is only one reason a resident would leave for 6 months then return. My Accdeemic meetings were consisting of attending telling me “I have a target on my back now” and “ I have to preform even better than others” in the light of my time missed. If this wasn’t alienating enough, the majority of Resident events, sponsored by recruiters and my university revolved around alcohol to which I had to give some excuse to why I can not partake with others. I’m fortunate that I do not have an addiction, because these stressful conditions along with the daunting amount of dead and requirements imposed by PRN are enough to make any addict relapse. While I was at treatment, I was in the dative with Samyr stories a physicians whose addictions got the best of them. Physicians who did not make it to treatment, often taking their own life. These stories were presented as a warning. Your addictions will kill you without our treatment was the message. When, in reality I did not hear one story in which the addiction killed physician. Every physician who didn’t make it to treatment took their life after being told they must report to a treatment facility. Perhaps they knew what this entailed and it was not their addiction or getting caught which caused them to end their lives, but the unmanageable and often unreasonable burden that treatment would put on their lives.
9 How to escape So your fucked your in PRN and should be or you should and now your recovered and want to terminated your contract.

1. You ask to be released early done at 1/2 time ( good luck)
2. You have “good reason” (no one has ever been let out of contract because of this reason, the verbiage is far too vague)
3. You serve all your time and they let you out(maybe, as discussed earlier, they would do everything they can to keep you in your contract as long as your practicing)
4. You can’t practice medicine anymore

10 Layer up butter cup : I cannot emphasize the extent to which legal help is required in this process. You much seek it and seek it early. Lawyers can provide many avenues to you early in the process. Once you have committed to treatment, gone for evaluation or are in a PRN contract , this is very little that you or legal help can do. Spend a few thousand dollars when you are accused and save the 20-30,000 later.
After you have been evaluated if you disagree as I did, then this is the process you must undergo. 1. Hire a occupation, defense, lawyer 2. Prove you don’t have an addiction, this is done by having an alternative evaluator with similar credentials state that either you don’t have an addiction or that PRN’s level of monitoring is not medically appropriate ( this will need to be a multi day neuropsychological evaluation, which will cost about $5000). 3. Your lawyer must draft in writing that the medical level of monitoring is not required such as another medical professional and send this to PRN 4. PRN will tattle on you to the board of medicine. 5. The board of medicine will conduct an investigation. 6. At the end or when they believe they have enough reasonable evidence to the board of medicine will suspend your license or claim, you must comply with the PRN contract to practice. 7. At this time your lawyer will defend you in the state court against the board. This is costly but much less than the coast of a 5 year PRN contract 8. If you win you will likely suggest an alternative level of care such as gonna get therapy every week. If you lose, than you wasted a fuck ton of money and are still bound by your PRN contract.
Overall this entire process has coast me Over all coast:
My finances for this year only including PRN and rent are as follows:
120-200$ every week for testing 480-800/ month
65 every week for therapy 195/month
125 every month for PRN group
About 50-69 every month for 2 doctor apts
So at least 745$/month at the lowest
Treatment at the recovery center coast 20,000 for me out of pocket and
I wasn’t payed for 6 months with no FMLA because I am a first year. At the 1 year mark I will have made 26,000 this year after taxes And payed About 29,000 on PRN alone
Rent is 1,000 so that’s 12,000 a year
Just in rent and PRN alone I will be at 26,000- 41,600 -15,600.
I will be in debt by at least 18,000 at the 1 year mark
Coast of treatment center 20,000 (with insurance) For each year of PRN roughly 20,000 Add that to 6 months of attending salary which was delayed due to my treatment time: at least 150,000 Layer coasts along with other evaluations 25,000 Missing 6 months of residency pay 30,000 Coast of 1 year in monitoring: 245,000 Coast of 5 years 325,000
If my case progress to a trail I will require an extra 20,000 in court coasts
Chapter 11 My secondary eval: Dr sushi After I arrived at my treatment center I challenge my evaluation multiple times. Each and every time I was discharged and often accused of alternate mental health/ substance abuse issues to discourage my advances. I was never given the opportunity to undergo alternative assessment, however PRN guidelines state that you can obtain a second option within 7 days of your first. This is a mute point, however, because you will not receive the results of your evaluation until over a week after it is conducted and the second evaluation must be conducted by another PRN hired evaluator of their choosing. During my stay in rehab I contacted PRN multiple times to attempt another evaluation/ legal help. They warned against both stating they were a “waste of money” and “pointless”.
After completing my treatment with the guidance of many addiction, experienced physicians, mental health counselors and psychiatrists recommendations I sought in a secondary evaluation. I chose a highly qualified professional with over 30 years of experience to conduct an extensive neuo psycho social evaluation of me. One that I was sure would be more extensive than the evaluation I received at treatment and more importantly an unbiased evaluation.
The results from my evaluation not only showed that I did not have a substance abuse problem warranting PRN level monitoring, but also that PRN was falling to allow adequate treatment of other conditions such as my ADHD. My evaluation showed my ADHD was not only untreated by PRNs attempt at using non controlled medication, but also in the top 3% most severe presentations of ADHD. My evaluator went on to explain my results by questioning why my treatment center even mandated I undergo neuro cognitive evaluation. The only neurodiverse findings were my IQ, my dyslexia and my ADHD. However, a neuo cognitive examination can be billed separately by treatment centers, therefore they always recommend one.
Chapter 12 Amongst its greed, intrusive nature and faulty accusations, professional recourse network function highly proficiently at the task they were designed to; protective physicians and patients from physicians who are impaired at work. In this domain they save lives, offer second changes and protect the public. When they act beyond their intended jurisdiction by imposing unnecessary monetary demands on practitionersin training, accuse practitioners without proof or act on behavior exemplified outside of a work setting they unjustly and inappropriately attack the week and innocent.
Proposed reform: As a trainee my universities malpractice insurance covers me for mistakes made at work. If a learner mistakenly harms a patient, then the university stands on their behalf. If the learner does something wrong under a teachers direct guidance, then the teacher is at fault. This makes sense logically as well as pragmatically. The state entrusts large amounts of money to hospital systems and universities to train resident physicians. A portion of this money is allocated to malpractice insurance. This should extend to accused impairment.
Suppose a training university was required to cover rehabilitation and monitoring of a resident of whom they claim is impaired. Alternatively they have the option of firing the trainee. This would reduce the number of innocent trainees being accused of impairment, make the process of rehabilitation more fair and provide a better use for tax payer derived dollars, which hospital systems are given to train residents. The truly impaired could still seek help, less false accusations would be made and with the employers having the ability to fire at the moment of impairment, there would be less chance of impairment at work.

Dear BitMart Users,
BitMart has completed DORA token migration, and provided users with a swap service. Per project's request, the old DORA token will be automatically swapped to new Dora Factory (DORA) at a rate of 0.01 : 1. Please note the resumption dates for different features and new explorer for DORA/USDT:
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New explorer:
https://etherscan.io/token/0x70b790d0948a760e80bc3f892b142F7779b538B2
Thank you for your patience during the time period. We apologize for any inconvenience caused.
BitMart Team.
More details: https://support.bitmart.com/hc/en-us/articles/25748108266267

Morning. I have been having a flare up for a few weeks now, along with constipation which is causing me bad pain. Only, for this whole week I've been contacting my IBD nurse to get some extra help, to no avail. I have left three messages, received one back yesterday saying they will be in touch, only to not get a call again. I have left another message this morning.
Is it suitable to go to A&E to get help with it all? I have no idea what to do and I've missed almost a week of work. My care is at one hospital but there is a much closer one nearby (long story on switching hospitals) I feel worthless and like my care really doesn't matter anymore. I've had Crohn's for around 5 years and not really had any problems, yet the moment I need extra help I'm being ignored.
A colleague at work also suffers with Crohn's, yet he says he rings up, gets some sort of steroid or help in a day or two, and he's back to himself and cracking on.
I'm in the UK.

Since June 2021, I have been suffering from sudden eye pain in my right eye. It is a sharp, stinging pain, localized on the upper side of the colored part of my eye. Although nothing is visibly wrong, this point causes me significant distress. The only thing that gives me hope is the possibility of finding a cure. There are brief moments when I forget my pain, such as when listening to a funky song, and I remember how carefree I used to be. However, after three years, this hope of a painless life is diminishing, and thoughts of ending my life have become frequent. I feel frustration, perhaps unjustifiably, towards doctors and friends. My life has drifted far from what I would describe as the "old me." Basically I can lose myself completely get more angry than ever known. Sometimes I am almost embarressed how I behave. I have a lovely girlfriend and we have fun, but I know my energy is going low. Eventually no one can really understand me.
I have several theories about what might be causing my pain:

• I received the Pfizer COVID vaccine 10 days before my sudden symptoms began.
• Poor contact lens hygiene (I used to wear contacts).
• Neuropathic eye pain.

Here’s what has been done so far:

• I started with steroids such as FML and Dexamethasone, but there were no results.
• I was checked for dry eyes, but nothing indicated that. Some said I had very mild blepharitis, but it doesn't explain the pain.
• Later, Zaditen/Ketotifen and Ikervis were tried for around eight months.
• IPL (Intense Pulsed Light therapy) was done.

Nothing has helped so far. I decided to travel as a way to clear my mind, and while it does help temporarily, I am still preoccupied with my eye every day.
My questions are:

1. Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do next?
2. If hope is lost, how can I pursue the end of my life? Despite expressing serious thoughts of ending my life, no doctor has ever responded to these concerns. Additionally, my doctors are changing frequently. I feel I need someone who understands and is willing to help me.

She's in her stressed-out, bratty, emotionally immature, control freak, borderline manic, takes everything out on the easiest target, and won't accept blame for her role in things phase again.
To explain I've had severe TMJ issues as of late. I'm talking went to the ER level pain. Basically I popped my jaw out of alignment on Friday of last week and then went to the ER on Saturday. I took Sunday off of work to try and recover from my dehydration and lack of nutrition plus sleep due to the issue.
On Monday I messaged my PCP to get a stronger anti-inflammatory and some advice. Then I called a chiropractor my mom's friend sees for TMJ problems and they were able to get me in the same day in the afternoon. So I had also set up a Monday appointment in the morning with my dentist on Friday. So I was booked and busy on Monday after getting no sleep Sunday night into Monday morning.
Dentist didn't go great. Basically same as ER that they didn't see anything wrong take Advil for the pain. Except she did prescribe me Medrol (steroid) for swelling and referred me to an orthodontist she knows that specializes in TMJ. So I will be seeing that orthodontist on June 10th. But like the appointment was so wasteful of my time. I was there just waiting for over an hour before actually being taken care of as a patient and then to have them basically do nothing but prescribe medication and give me a referral.
Then I went to the chiropractor who was a big help. She explained that my jaw was out of alignment as I had thought it was all along. Because my right molars touched but the left ones didn't and that wasn't normal for me. Plus the pain was comparable to the pain from the surgery I had when I was younger to get a dental bone graft for a dental implant (not enough bone density in my jaw for a dental implant or something). So it was pretty severe pain.
Basically the left side of my jaw was all jammed up and the right side had a loose ligament that was pulling the left side of my jaw to the right. Then once it got less jammed up it became apparent that the left side of my jaw was noticeably pulled down or something like that. But after the first session I was in considerably less pain. After the second session I'm tense but not in pain.
My PCP has me taking cyclobenzaprine 10mg every night for that. Then I will get Botox with my oral surgeon, who wasn't available to help me with this matter until the end of this month when my previously scheduled Botox session will happen, on May 22nd.
I can take the cyclobenzaprine during the day if the clenching/tensing gets really bad but then I can't like drive myself anywhere and I'm basically bedridden cause it makes me dizzy.
But not shockingly now that my pain is significantly better and I'm not like in significant pain if I mention to my parents that I'm in pain or go to them for comfort they dismiss me and are just hurtful about it. Like tonight I'm really tense and I can't stop clenching my teeth so I went to my mother about it because it's making it difficult for me to fall asleep. I was seeking comfort and she just blatantly dismissed me because I was inconveniencing her and it can't be that bad and she can't fix it.
I just get fed up with it. Like I'm not going to my parents for attention I'm going to them for comfort when I'm in pain. To me there is a difference. I'm also not asking them to fix my problems because obviously it isn't something they can fix themselves. I dunno this is how it has been my entire life and I'm just fed up with it.
I have spent my entire life being given the bare minimum in terms of them being emotionally available and just caring about me and providing comfort as needed. Yet they give the stupid pet dogs all the attention and comfort I want and it's just so damn annoying.
If I could move out I would but I can't afford to do so. I'm disabled and a recipient of SSDI and have limited income. That being said I still pay rent to my parents (and yes I am living in their house so it's only right that I do so) and I help out around the house as well.
I just get sick and tired of how they mistreat me sometimes and being in pain with no one to go to for comfort.

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Due to neglect from my parents, failing to get me to dentist appointments in school, I had what I feel is probably the worst day of my life...
(TW for mention/details of surgery, hospital stuff, vomiting, and more unpleasant stuff)
Had to wake up super early to go out of town to an oral surgeon, they had to see me almost an hour late because the X-ray machine was down, the topical numbing stuff was probably the most vile tasting thing I've ever tasted, then after waiting long enough that it basically wore off, I got like, ten different injections to numb my mouth and gums and such. Was one of the most painful experiences I've ever had.
Then, I had to sit there for like, 45 minutes, maybe an hour, as they jabbed, dig out, twisted, pulled, yanked, broke, cut, and otherwise removed the remaining eight or nine teeth I had on top. Every jab, every clank off my teeth, the cracking, breaking, and crushing of my teeth, the intense pressure being exerted on my skull as they were forcibly removed... One tooth basically exploded, and I saw some of my blood hit the surgeons face mask...
They sewed up the smaller holes as they went. By the time I was done, I was a massive ball of anxiety. Even though I didn't feel any pain for the most part, the anticipation, all the feelings and sensations, it was just... So much...
They sent me off, and after driving to the ferry, and then maybe a half hour after getting off the ferry, I started to feel nauseous and sick. My arms and legs started going numb. I was getting dizzy.
I'd had some issues with the gauze they gave me, and I wasn't able to hold it for an hour like they wanted me to. I couldn't keep it in place because of the teeth I was missing on the bottom row. So I'd had all this blood pooling in my mouth for over an hour.
Eventually I started panicking a bit, and I had to have my sister who was driving take me to the nearest emergency room. Then I had to wait like two hours in one of the most uncomfortable places I've ever been, while the numbing started to fade and my gums continued to bleed and the pain started to come into play...
There were two different people I'm pretty sure were experiencing some kind of drug withdrawal. One was curling up in different chairs, throwing up several times into a bag, and unfortunately he also made a mess of the chairs he'd sat in.
Then a cop brought in some girl who kept calling out to people that I don't think were there. Then randomly start crying, stop just as fast, etc.
Eventually I got to be seen, they figured out my blood sugar wasn't low like I'd thought. (One of the meds I take can cause it to drop) I was basically dehydrated, dealing with anxiety, and the numbing stuff they used also used an adrenaline thing which was making everything worse.
So they said they'd give me some meds to help with everything and send me on my way. Another half hour or so later, I got everything and I was on my way home.
Unfortunately, that isn't the end of my terrible day... As I'd had all that blood continuously pooling up, I was inadvertently swallowing a bunch of it without realizing, as my mouth was numb and I couldn't entirely control everything at the time.
I'd felt a little better when we got on the road again, but then everything started to come back, all the anxious feelings, the nausea, the numbness in my arms and legs.
I had to tell my sister to pull over, and I basically fell out of the car to my hands and knees and started throwing up a wonderful mixture of blood, spit, and water. It was excruciating...
Eventually I managed to settle down... My arms and legs were still shaking, but after cleaning up we were back on the road. Unfortunately... By the time we'd made it basically back to town, I had to stop again...
This time I was throwing up this awful brown liquid, which I assume was more blood and stomach bile, which is just as pleasant as it sounds... My sister had to stop at Walmart on the way back because her kid needed baby formula, and that's the only place in town that has the kind her baby drinks.
So I had to have her call a friend of mine to meet us there so he could take me home. She was also getting me some stuff I could have without needing to chew, like applesauce, yogurt, etc. but I didn't wanna risk throwing up in the store, and I didn't wanna sit and wait in the car feeling miserable either.
Thankfully, that was pretty much the last of it. One of the spots on my gums is still bleeding a little bit, but it's settled down for the most part. The pain in my gums has also thankfully gone away thanks to some ibuprofen. At least as long as I'm not messing with anything. My cheeks and lip actually hurt more than my gums tbh... Probably due to the fact my upper lip was swollen to the point that my nostrils were almost closed off as well for a bit.
But because of everything else, I basically had to throw out the shirt I was wearing because I couldn't keep from spilling blood on it. As a nice little cherry on top I guess... (Or maybe it's the fact that my birthday is tomorrow 🙃)
This was without a doubt, the worst day I've ever had. I still need to have a couple more teeth put, and I refuse to go through that again. I'm going to tell them I need to be put under to do it, or I'm telling them to do fillings and crowns instead of pulling them.
I feel like this whole ordeal was traumatizing in a way I didn't know was possible tbh... Obviously everyone gets nervous with stuff like the dentist, but I think this has genuinely ruined my ability to go to the dentist anymore.
This past year I've been trying to get my life together, take care of myself, etc, because I decided that I actually want to live. I want to be happy. And I'm taking steps to do that. But God if this didn't make me second guess everything all day...

My name is XXX, and I am a Freshman majoring in a BS for ECET, I’ve been informed of my upcoming academic suspension for the Fall Semester. I take full responsibility for my inadequate grades and my consistent shortcomings. I am writing this to convey that I want to continue pursuing my passion at NJIT, regardless of any obstacles in the future.
Again, I do not want to make any excuses for my poor performance this is entirely my fault, but please allow me to give further context. When I began my journey at NJIT, I was under the belief that I could manage many responsibilities all at once, and I soon realized that it does not work that way. Since the Fall Semester of last year, while attending classes I have also started to work at a part-time warehouse job to support my mother, we’ve been facing some economic hardships prior and I did not want her to be left taking care of rent and utilities all by herself, so I was obligated to contribute. Although this semester has been better in terms of maintaining a schoolwork balance, I am aware that this has not been enough, and I have taken measures to fix this. Alongside this, throughout these past two semesters, I’ve been facing some deep-seated mental problems that I have not been attempting to look for assistance with because of my then-warped belief that I would be considered “weak” for doing so, I didn’t want to ask for help. Therapists in the past have concluded that I have high-functioning Autism but both me and my parents did not want to go further with an official evaluation because of the stigma that might bring such a diagnosis. Although I’ve always had difficulties in communication and social cues, it was made apparent during the fall semester, which caused me to fall into a spiral. I had to withdraw from a class and retake several classes for the spring semester. I want help with this, it’s been difficult for me to come to terms with this condition and the communication issues I’ve dealt with in the past and which I’m still dealing with, but I don’t want it to affect my life negatively any further, I don’t ask for pity or to be treated any differently.
This spring semester has been better, to say the least. I did attend most of the PACE workshops and some tutoring whenever I had the time, although I wasn’t able to register for PACE itself due to me not communicating efficiently with my advisor, which was a mistake on my end. My friends and I formed study groups revolving around Calculus and Physics to improve on our fundamentals, which has worked for me for the latter. Around March, I began to reevaluate the choices I’d made throughout the fall semester. I feel like I was being ungrateful towards my loved ones and that I was letting them down. That revelation was cemented when my first cousin tragically took his own life around that time. Me and him were fairly close, and even after I left Ecuador after a long visit, we still kept in touch. He told me about how he wasn’t content with how his life was going and was rooting for me to pursue my passions even with the aforementioned difficulties, it struck hard. I did grieve, but in my perspective, to uphold his legacy and to go further it was important for me to pursue what I love even with any possible obstacles. I started to study 2 hours a day, which surely did help me in Physics & AutoCAD. Alongside that, I began to take fewer hours of work for me to focus more on classwork and presentations. My manager has been extremely helpful in circumventing many of the obstacles I’ve been dealing with, and for that, I’ve improved massively compared to the Fall semester. My mental state has improved, and although I’m still facing social difficulties, it’s manageable. Although I’ve passed all the classes that I failed last semester, I wasn’t able to pass Calculus II and therefore I wasn’t able to reach Good Standing. It’s saddening, to say the least, I am aware of the consequences and I do intend to make changes should I come back in the Fall.
My plan goes as follows, to ensure academic success I’ve decided to take much fewer hours at work and to save up throughout this summer so my expenses for the fall semester can be fully covered. My intentions for this summer semester were to retake Calculus II and to do Economics, if I do appeal I will continue to go through with it. She’s reassured me that with her new work bonus as a Teacher Assistant, I don’t have to be worried about our situation as much and that my priority at this moment should be to study. I’ll be communicating more often with my Academic Advisor about any possible financial help and ways to boost my GPA. As for me, I have decided to start scheduling appointments with C-CAPS as a way to help me improve my state of mind, and after careful consideration with my mother, we’ll be going to a psychologist by the end of this month for a possible diagnosis to get proper treatment. I do intend to start involving myself more in some capacity when it comes to student life, and I will continue to attend club meetings as much as I can, as I was previously doing so back in the Fall Semester with SHPE. I will be more proactive with my teachers, and I do have full intentions of being more responsible with maintaining a schoolwork balance.
I hope you can take all of this into consideration, this has been an egregious error of mine but I do want to set things right. I am a good student who simply didn’t prioritize everything in my mind, and for that, I sincerely apologize. In my college admissions letter back in Senior Year I made a promise to myself and to the faculty who accepted me that I would do my best to triumph at NJIT, and although I have had a rocky start, I want to dedicate these years in succeeding at the field of engineering. Thank you for considering this appeal, I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely, XXX

Genuinely, I was concerned about Amanda the whole time. From the moment I picked her up, she seemed annoyed and uninterested. I knew she was tired and needed food, but even when we went out, she was closed off and disengaged. By the time we saw my friend Blaise at work, she was checking her bf Jackson’s location, thinking he was lying to her. He didn’t answer her call, so I figured that would be on her mind the rest of the night annoying her. I tried to distract her, get her to dance, and asked Caroline to help get her out of her head. I asked Alicia about her because she was hardly engaging with me. I thought she was on the phone with Jackson when I didn’t see her. I wish she had used her words to express how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave, I would have agreed. Her mood was infectious, and being mad at me for not focusing on her was outrageous. We were supposed to be celebrating my graduation, but she made herself the center of attention because she didn’t advocate for her needs and got mad at me for it. I’m sad that she’s blaming having a bad night on me when I was trying to be the energy to help lift her mood.
I wanted to go to Southside because Cade and his sister Cassie were there and excited to see Amanda. I figured she would appreciate seeing friendly faces, but she didn’t care to see them and had a bad attitude when it was supposed to be a fun night for all of us. Cade and Cassie love her, so I talked to them when she didn’t.
I was very hurt by her words and how she avoided everyone all day. Even after I graduated, she barely spoke to me. Mom also told me she wasn’t even present at the ceremony, she left. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I wanted to spend time with her, but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t push her, thinking she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness or read her mind if she doesn’t communicate. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. Of course, I cried for hours after she left; my heart was broken.
I only went out on Saturday because Alicia said I should enjoy my last night there. I didn’t want to just leave them at my house. Amanda said she was going to nap, and Alicia said she’d relax and get ready to leave. I was encouraged to enjoy myself but promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride, and if they didn’t show, I would have driven them to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day. I suppose I shouldn’t have come back; maybe that blow-up could have been avoided. But wouldn’t it have been mean not to come back when I said I would, even if Amanda hardly spoke to me all day? I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember her being mean, which wasn’t surprising. I hoped she would talk to me, but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I remember snippets, her lunging at me, and me bawling my eyes out. I stand by what I said: why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me?
This isn’t the first time she made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our road trip around four years ago. After saying awful things and accusing me of sleeping with the Europeans in the tents next to us. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that, so I snuck into the tent after she went to sleep and cried, sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could. Her blow-up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened both times.
If she sees me as spoiled, so be it. Many people have it better than me and many worse. If I didn’t have the support and love from my family, she wouldn’t either. I’ve been fortunate, and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t. Moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years, catering to her and letting her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman, living my life the way I want, unafraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am, which took time. I’ve enjoyed college and made new friendships. This “new me” is a better me—extroverted, kind, loved, and respected.
It was my graduation weekend, and it was known we would go out, and I would say goodbye to my friends. I’ve made a lot, so I was constantly distracted. If that makes me a party girl, so be it. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. It feels like as soon as she gets sober, she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk? I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected, but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up about wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car instead of saying, "Hey, I’m not feeling great, let’s go," makes me confused. I shouldn’t have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party, sober or not, as the visit was planned before that. She had visited over spring break, so she knew what it could be like. I can’t change my plans when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I’d be back in Washington in a week, I thought it was understood I’d spend time with people other than her and have some drinks to celebrate. I was excited my best friends would meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life I’d experienced working at a bar. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends, but I’ve made more friends since, who I had to say goodbye to. I thought celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place I didn’t want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone, but that couldn’t have been expected. We’d have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accused me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from, considering I was responsible and not blacking out (which I’ve never done), I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching, especially given her experiences versus mine. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets. When I visited in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, letting my friends get as drunk as they wanted. No judgment. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does when she’s off the wagon? She didn’t have a good college experience because she was in her interpretation a far bigger ‘party girl.’ Still, no judgment when she had to come home to leave the coke and drinking behind. But she judges me on my graduation weekend. I should’ve been more drunk.
How could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings? Valid to her but I had no idea cause she didn’t communicate with me. Well, she really hurt my feelings on the biggest day of my life—intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot, but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them. She told me to lose her number when I get home. She apologized in her text for threatening me but said she did not respect this ‘new me.’
Chat Gpt analyzed some perspectives for me

Synthesis:

Emotional Dynamics:

Your Efforts and Amanda’s Perceptions: - You actively tried to include Amanda in the celebration and ensure she felt supported, but Amanda perceived these efforts as insufficient or misdirected. This mismatch in perceived support versus actual support attempts created a foundational rift in understanding. - While you saw yourself as balancing multiple responsibilities—celebrating your graduation and ensuring your friends were included—Amanda may have felt that your attention was predominantly elsewhere, leading her to feel neglected and marginalized.

Communication Breakdown:

Expectations and Reality: - Your frustration stemmed from Amanda's lack of direct communication about her needs and feelings. You expected her to verbalize her discomfort, which she did not do, leading to a communication gap. - Amanda might have expected you to recognize her non-verbal cues and prioritize her needs intuitively, which didn't happen. This unmet expectation contributed to her sense of being overlooked and heightened her frustration.
Pre-existing Strain: - The history of tension and previous incidents, such as the road trip confrontation, added layers of complexity to your interactions. This historical context likely amplified the intensity of the current conflict, making both parties more sensitive to perceived slights and misunderstandings. - Your growth and changes since moving away might have created a divergence in how you and Amanda interact and understand each other, contributing to the disconnect.

Different Coping Mechanisms:

Graduation vs. Personal Struggles: - For you, the graduation was a celebratory milestone, an opportunity to reflect on personal growth and achievements. You were in a mindset of joy and festivity, which contrasted sharply with Amanda’s apparent preoccupation with her own struggles. - Amanda, dealing with distrust in her relationship and possibly feelings of inadequacy or stress, might have found it difficult to align her emotional state with the celebratory atmosphere. Her internal conflicts overshadowed her ability to engage positively in the festivities.
Social Dynamics: - You sought solace and enjoyment in social interactions, finding energy and comfort in being around friends and celebrating. This is indicative of an extroverted coping mechanism where external engagement helps manage stress. - Amanda, on the other hand, might have preferred more intimate and focused support. Her withdrawal and negative demeanor suggest she might have needed a quieter, more personal form of reassurance and connection, which she felt was lacking.

Mutual Misunderstanding:

Differing Interpretations of Behavior: - Your interpretation of Amanda’s disengagement as a lack of communication and her failure to advocate for her needs contrasts with her potential view of your actions as neglectful and unsupportive. Each party’s behavior was misunderstood by the other, leading to escalating frustration and hurt feelings. - Amanda’s accusation of substance abuse, while seemingly out of place to you, might have been her way of expressing deeper concerns or projecting her struggles. This misunderstanding highlights a significant gap in how both of you perceive and communicate about sensitive issues.
Emotional Fallout: - Both of you experienced emotional fallout from the events. You felt heartbroken and disappointed by Amanda's reactions and accusations, perceiving them as a betrayal during an important milestone. Amanda, meanwhile, might have felt abandoned and misunderstood, exacerbating her emotional turmoil. - The emotional intensity on both sides indicates that this conflict was more than just a series of misunderstandings but a clash of underlying expectations, communication styles, and emotional needs.

Moving Forward:

Reflection and Communication: - To bridge this gap, both parties would benefit from reflecting on their communication styles and expectations. Understanding that each person has different ways of expressing and perceiving support could help in realigning the friendship dynamics. - Open and honest dialogue about these events, where both can express their feelings and perspectives without judgment, might pave the way for mutual understanding and reconciliation. It’s crucial to acknowledge each other's emotional experiences and work towards a common ground of empathy and support.
Managing Expectations: - Setting clear expectations about support and communication in future interactions could prevent similar conflicts. For instance, agreeing on how to signal distress or need for support in a way that the other person understands can mitigate misinterpretations. - Recognizing and respecting each other’s coping mechanisms and emotional needs, especially during significant events, can help in maintaining a balanced and supportive friendship.
In summary, the conflict between you and Amanda arises from a complex interplay of misaligned expectations, communication breakdowns, and differing emotional needs. Both perspectives are valid, highlighting the importance of empathy, direct communication, and mutual understanding in resolving such conflicts and strengthening the friendship.

Summary: I read alot of posts where people have been sedated for this procedure. And I am here to say, for me, It was very tolerable without it.
I am a 52 year old female who never had a single back problem until Jan 2024. I had issues on my right side with burning hip and inner thigh pain with no lower back pan (but it was determined to be a lumbar issue). That got alot better with oral steroid pack(still numb spot inner thigh, I only notice it when I shower), then a couple months later, my left side stated to hurt with all sciatica pain described in this channel (I won't bore you with details - you all have read about it and lived it)
Because of my profound closterphobia, I had had a CT Myleogram in place of an MRI about 6 weeks ago. That sucker hurt because it creates pressure on your spine with the amount of contrast they put in. It took 24 hours for that pain to wear off. There was no offer of sedation for that procedure. Summary of findings:
FINDINGS: Morphology: There is lucency along the adjacent L5 and S1 endplates. There is mild multilevel endplate spondylosis. There is multilevel facet arthrosis.
Alignment: Mild scoliotic curvature of the lumbar spine apex to the left. Mild rightward lateral listhesis of L2 on L3.
L3-L4: There is disc height loss with diffuse disc bulge and endplate spondylosis. There is bilateral facet arthrosis. There is mild right foraminal narrowing. There is no significant spinal canal or left foraminal narrowing.
L4-L5: There is diffuse disc bulge with endplate spondylosis. There is bilateral facet arthrosis. There is mild spinal canal narrowing. There is mild right greater than left foraminal stenosis.
I was told as a kid I had mild scoliosis and i remember the Dr telling my mom it was so mild no need for treatment (while sitting in his office, he was smoking and making light of the finding the school nurse told my mom). Gotta love the 70s. It's amazing how Gen X survived the early years.
Since April 15th my siatica pain has been an 8 to a 10 daily. I finally gave in and bought a cane so I could safely navigate walking without falling. I had a NCS/EMG that was normal. Then finally I was referred to pain management. Since January no doctor gave me anything more than Advil for the pain. I found lidocaine patches and they helped me sleep. I saw pain MGMT Dr. On Friday (may 10), he prescribed Diclofenac and cyclobenzaprine. That resolved the lower back pain and got my sciatica pain down to a 6-7 as of today (may 15) when I had the esi injection.
Anyhow, I provide all this information above so you can compare yourself to me and my situation to better determine if no sedation might work for you.
I decided no sedation b/c I was told it was much less pain than CT Myleogram and I could drive home after if I didn't get sedation. I thought what the heck, I survived the Myleogram, this should be cake.
It was cake. The lidocaine (local anesthesia) they injected hurt just like the CT Myleogram except this Dr. did it faster so it hurt a bit more. The needle once in place did cause a sudden pain down leg that was just a split second. Then the steroid going in was another sharp pain for 10 seconds.... And that was it. So glad I didn't do sedation.
With sedation, you are still awake when they do it, you still feel the same pain, but you are all loopy. They give you a med so you don't remember what happened during the process. To me that sounds miserable.
I was in there for a total of 1 hr and 11 minutes. I was in my bed settling in for a nap 10 minutes later (I live less than a mile from the surgery center). It was a nice nap. No pain for the first time in a month.
I am a big baby when it comes to medical procedures. I have had a lot of medical trama in the past, I usually jump on being knocked out if they will really do it. But twilight sedation, where I still am awake but won't remember, and the hangover from the meds that do that... Almost seems worse than just sucking it up and powering through it.
Tonight my pain is way less than when the day started. They told me to expect it to get worse before it gets better and in 3 days the steroids should kick in. I am praying this gives me enough relief to walk without a cane and to be able to start PT. I will post updates if anyone is interested.
Best wishes to all of you suffering from siatica, it's been the most painful and disabling health issue I have ever experienced. I don't wish this pain on my worst enemy. I pray you find pain relief sooner than later and back to your normal soon.

Hi all, this is speculative at best and based purely on my experience, wanted to know if anyone else has had this experience. Not trying to be medical expert.
I had acute sciatica caused by herniated disc in L5 S1. After couple months of excruciating pain and failed PT, steroid injection helped me. Right PT, correct posture and walking led to better health. There are couple days of bad pain followed by stiff back every now and then, but managable.
However, I started having upper back stiffness shortly after I started moving around after the injection. My shoulder stiffened quickly and right hand mobility went for a toss. The ortho diagnosed it as frozen shoulder and ruled out any connection with disc/ changed posture. However, because I changed my posture ( I had terrible posture before in pretty much all activities ) significantly, I still feel that that had an impact. My right hand mobility is back to almost 90% now. But the stiffness of upper back still sometimes bugs me. My left shoulder also aches sometime, I do the shoulder excercises fairly regularly to avoid any further complication.
Anyway, point is, anyone else has experience of back related complications arising after sciatica / disc episode?

Each time I wake up from a "nightmare", I unknowingly enter another nightmare. It's like inception. The only way you realize you were in a nightmare is when you "wake up" and are like, wow, I didn't know life can feel like this, and then few months later you wake up again, and are like wow, I didn't know life can feel even better, but it never ends.
Anyways, so I'm about 80% through conquering my abandonment and neglect issues I think. I've self CBTed my way out of it. When young, I was dependent on my parents for survival and meeting my needs as I had no survival skills. Those can be any needs such as safety, emotional support, etc... which I didn't get.
As an adult, I have emotional flashbacks when I think people are gonna abandon me and obviously that causes all sorts of issue like lashing out, being obsessive, needy, anxiety, impulsive stuff, withdrawal, yada yada. I'm not fully recovered yet, but I finally found a message that I can tell myself and fits my personality, and is rooted in reality, and isn't me gaslighting myself. That is:
As a kid, yes, you are dependent on your parents to meet your needs, so it's valid to have those emotional flashbacks. But as an adult, people are independent, separate people with their own wants and needs. A healthy relationship is where two people mutually are able to meet each other needs. If someone doesn't want to meet your need, whatever that need may be, it could very will be they are not comfortable with it, aren't able to provide it, don't want to provide it, etc... and thus there's a mismatch in needs and a relationship can't be built. And that is perfectly normal.
That makes sense to me, and it is rooted in reality and healthy relationship building, so I think I'm almost past the abandonment phase.
UNFORTUNATELY, now I entered a huge hater phase, and this one I haven't been able to get out of. ChatGPT says stuff like empathy (understand the other persons perspective), set boundaries (yeah sometimes I have to be around them cuz of work), but so far no dice. Sorry, I'm not at the stage where I can show empathy for these people yet, and that's where I think my toxicity comes from.
Basically, I hate anyone that exhibits characteristics of my parents, people that manipulate, like to control, big egos, low empathy, negative, insecure, aren't upfront, narcisistic, low emotional intellgenice/awareness, etc... and right now I'm just in a pure hatred phase that I can't get out of. One positive is, recently I dated a girl that would say one thing/act one way but mean another and that type of behavior used to piss me off so much, but other than that she was super nice, so I did finally gain empathy for people that do that stuff - they probalby just don't have a strong enough identity yet where they know what they want at all times, which I can understand as most people don't know what they want. Heck most people suck at communicating, very rare to find someone willing and able to communicate. But I can't get over the other traits.
ChatGPT says:
https://preview.redd.it/1xus3rgcpp0d1.png?width=919&format=png&auto=webp&s=a3556a589b9bfb534b2cce219ac8438c912d4e96

1. Yeah I don't know how to CBT out of this one, yet or have a more realistic non-gaslighting mindset yet
2. I guess I can try number 2 more. "I'm having such toxic thoughts of hatred for people who have those attributes rn..it's ok, take as much time as you need to let it flow through you - don't judge or fight against it. Thoughts and emotions are a barometer of your mental and physical well being, having them helps you be aware of how you are doing as a person, and I value being healthy a lot"
3. Definitly don't have it in me for empathy, I don't think I ever will be able to get to a stage in life where I have empathy for certain people, I think it'll be impossible for me to have empathy for insecure people for example. Heck I don't think I'll ever have empathy for controlling, insecure, low empathy, low emotional intelligence/awareness people.
4. Set boundares - eh unrealistic sometimes, but if realistic I'll do it.
5. I can try to think positive but realistic thoughts to distract from the negative ones, potentially
6. That's why I'm here 😂😂
7. I'm already compassionate about having these thoughts, but it makes my head hurt and I don't feel healthy so, it need to stop lol

I actually also recently dated a girl that embodied a lot of those above traits and no, it did not help me gain empathy, it only made my dislike more. Unlike the one kind girl that I dated that just wasn't upfront with things, I didn't develop the empathy for the other one.
Any ideas on where I should go next?

Hello - can someone help me understand this termination clause. After the lease term is over and tenant has provided adequate notice, can the tenant legally lease the same house directly from the owner?
VII. EARLY TERMINATION: In the event the Owner decides not to lease the property and Agent deems Owner’s reasons acceptable, Owner may conditionally terminate this Agreement by signing a withdrawal agreement and simultaneously paying a cancellation fee of $1500.00 plus applicable sales tax. However, Owner agrees that if the Property is contracted for lease to a tenant during the time period from conditional termination to the end of the Leasing Protection Periods, Broker may void the early termination and Owner will be obligated to pay Broker the compensation set forth in paragraph VI, less the cancellation fee. A. All provisions of this Agreement that indemnify, defend, and save Agent harmless to any and all matters shall survive any termination of this Agreement. B. Agent may withhold funds for thirty (30) days after the end of the month in which this Agreement is terminated to pay any obligations; Owner shall pay Agent the deficit within thirty (30) days of termination date. C. In the event this Agreement is terminated by either Owner or Agent, regardless of cause, the parties agree that Agent shall have no further obligation to rent, lease, or manage the Premises. D. Upon early termination of this agreement, to assume obligations of all contracts that Agent entered into on Owner’s behalf.

I'm reaching out because I've been having a long and frustrating journey with my eye health since undergoing PRK surgery in India back in February. It's been a rollercoaster of issues, and I'm hoping to get some insights from the community.
Here's a timeline of what happened:
February 27th: Successful PRK enhancement surgery in India.
March 18th: A friend accidentally splashed water in my right eye, causing corneal erosion.
March 19th: Doctor prescribed a bandage contact lens and steroid drops for both eyes.
March 23rd: After contact removal, right eye pain and hazy vision in left eye. Elevated eye pressure detected, leading to discontinuation of steroids and prescription of pressure-reducing drops.
Following weeks: Up and down with different medications (oral steroids, non-steroidal drops) due to fluctuating eye pressure. Eventually stopped all drops except artificial tears.
April 3rd: Flew back to the US. Experienced blackouts and discovered elevated eye pressure again. Prescribed glaucoma drops for several weeks. After some days Got highly photosensitive
Back in India: Diagnosed with a Synchea (surgical removal) and underwent surgical iridotomy. Vision initially recovered and remained stable for a few months.
US follow-up: Fluctuating vision led to short-term prednisolone use (steroid) but no improvement. High IOP resulted in switching to combigan medication.
Back in India: All tests (optic nerve, retina, cornea) came back normal with some scar tissue present. AC tap test was normal as well. Prescribed new glasses with a slight astigmatism correction.
US again: IOP started rising again (21 & 24) with fluctuating vision. Currently on combigan with stable vision. Diagnosed with Pigment Dispersion Syndrome (PDS).
My main questions are:
Could there be other underlying issues besides PDS? Is the timolol medication (recently switched from another drop) working effectively? My recent pressure reading (20 & 22) right after taking the medication concerns me, especially since the doctor wasn't fazed.
Could the pressure I feel near my eyebrows be related to eye pressure or anxiety?
How much does blurry vision with glasses being clear indicate?
Is the sluggish pupil response a concern? What might have triggered the PDS so suddenly?
I wear glasses but not very often. There are good days and bad days, with occasional pressure sensations and blurry vision. I also have a small posterior synechia (scarring) in my right eye.
Any advice or similar experiences you can share would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Background: 26F. 222lbs. 5’0”. BMI 43.4 I have PCOS, sleep apnea, fatty liver, hypertension, ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, and Depression (i see a therapist weekly and take multiple meds, so the mental health is fairly stable in the past year). I also have chronic pain now in my uterus.
Sorry in advance if this kind of post is repetitive and long. I recently talked to my gyno about my chronic pain and she suggested talking to my doctor about bariatric surgery. Apparently my weight could be what is causing my pain.
I have been doing research, and it seems like surgery is a viable option, but scared about how effective it will be.
I dont have a good relationship with food, in that I turn to it when I am emotional. I tend to get strong cravings, especially during my period. Both I usually turn to carbs or sushi. I have been currently handling it with small portions of carbs which seem to help. I also have an extremely hard time telling if I am full. Sometimes i wont stop eating until i am in pain. This hasent happened in like half a year since ive been more mindful, but worth noting it used to be like that all the time.
I have in the past 10+years of my life, on and off dieted a ton with little to no success. This of course included lots of exercise. I have tried programs and all the different fad diets you can think of. I always end up giving up after many months because the weight just stops coming off. It becomes so much work with no reward. As a result i tend to gain it all back and more (at the worst it was losing 20lbs then gaining 50lbs back). I have also tried meds. Ozempic worked at first then stopped, i ended up gaining on it (used it for a year). Saxenda i actually got worse and gained on it. I am now on orlistat for a month and have not moved.
Anyways I think I am a good contender for the surgery but I am worried I will end up giving up the same as I have always done. I am unsure about asking my doctor about it and am seeing her tomorrow. I know no one can predict the future, but how has the surgery helped you? How has it been different for you than regular dieting and exercise?

I’m desperate to see if anyone is experiencing the same thing as me. I have 10.5 year old German Shepherd dog that’s had allergies all his life. He’s on apoquel and on a salmon/grain free kibble diet. He’s allergic to chicken so we stay away from it. It’s mostly just itchy skin from what we’ve noticed. Recently we tried to swap him to the Stella & Chewy salmon kibble with freeze dried bits but he had diarrhea from it even though we did a slow months transition. It didn’t work out so we swapped him back to his old food.
He had a teeth cleaning and 2 moles removal and was on metronidazole which I thought was to prevent infection from his extraction site. He got dewormer and some probiotics to assist with the diarrhea because we thought it was just the food change.
It didn’t get better and we started to see fresh bright red blood in his stool. We went to the vet and he was put on Hills Gastrointestinal Biome food and steroids (20mg of prednisone where we ween him off a couple of weeks). He was still having bloody diarrhea until a week into the steroid and then there was no blood and solid stools. During all of this we adopted a new puppy (he had the diarrhea before the puppy and it turned into bloody diarrhea after the puppy). He was getting better with the puppy around too. Then when the steroids were switched to 10mg every 48 hours his bloody diarrhea came back. He goes probably 5 times a day and his morning stools are always solid with a little blood with the consistency of jelly. Then any poos after are all liquid and very mucousy with lots of fresh blood. His stool is still brown but the mucus makes it look it has a pastel grayish wrap. The only thing that I thought that could have caused the regression was I caught him eating the new puppy’s poo when he had an accident in the house and I didn’t notice.
We’ve done giarda tests 2 times and it’s negative. Stool sample came back negative for parasites and bacterial infections. He’s been dewormed again just in case and he hasn’t ate any of the new puppy stool since. I am at a lost what to do. He acts normal and still plays and eats and drinks more than normal because of the steroid. He doesn’t like the new puppy because he’s never been a very social dog. They sleep together but do not play together. So I am not sure if it’s solely stress from the new dog. We are waiting for an appointment with a vet internist and I kept thinking the worst. Has anyone experienced this? What worked for you?

I wasn’t told about triptan overuse when I went from 2-25MMD and took 17-30 triptans a month for 3 months.
Then my pcp told me about rebounds and MOH. I’ve since started a preventative and tried to get 3 more preventative scripts that have all been denied by insurance. (I’m working through the meds & processes)
I’m convinced triptan overuse has given me (hopefully semi) permanent migraine damage and have been trying to be VERY careful about taking them. (I do have a history of migraines and my mother has been daily chronic since my age)
For 2 months I have not taken them more than 3 days in a row. But 50% of the time I have to take them 2-3 days in a row. The longest time I go between triptan doses is 3 days, but it’s mostly 2 days. (I have yet to get a four day break) I’m still in pain during those days but try not to take a triptan. (Or ibuprofen in case that’s causing MOH) from what I’ve read- this is generally the Triptan requirements to have a better chance at preventing MOH
My doctor sent a neurologist referral to a few neuros I researched with headache fellowships but it will likely be months until I get in.
I said something like, “I don’t think I am getting rebounds because I know what they were like before I started being conservative- and it seems different.” She just responded with, “I’m certain if you are taking 9 doses a month that you are getting rebounds and might need to go through a withdrawal period that will be uncomfortable”
What is your experience with rebounds? From what I have read, rebounds are pretty mandatory after 10+ doses but I didn’t think 9 would “certainly” give me rebounds too.
Has anyone actually done a “triptan withdrawal” while chronic with 25+ MMD? What was that like?
Ubrelvy worked for 2 weeks and then didn’t but I havnt taken it in maybe 4 months and was desperate during a period migraine and took it in addition to a triptan on my 3rd consecutive triptan day & it did seem to help. I asked her for another ubrelvy script but that might take a week because I’m currently trying to scam my way into a cgrp preventative and insurance doesn’t want to pay but has an abortive limit on nurtec for 18pills in 24 days so I’m thinking I could get that covered over the emaglity they denied (ubrelvy was approved easily and quickly) but I have to go through that before picking up ubrelvy because they def won’t give me nurtec in the same month as ubrelvy.
To clarify why I don’t think they are rebounds- MOH felt like a 3-4 level dull headache that pop up 24hrs after dose and persist for 24+ hrs while these feel like I might have a rebound for a day and I don’t take anything for it, then it passes, and then I’ll get new pain that comes with light sensitivity, smell sensitivity, nausea, brain fog, dizziness, and gross motor difficulty- which is a migraine and because 75% of my migraines used to last 5+ days, I will take a triptan to hopefully abort it.