“the initial grip of fear, that turns into the unexpected earning for your capture.”
the poetry in here is about survival and surrender. it delves into the complexities of a karmic love. being trapped in a situation, while still being aware of its toxicity. my poems are meant to convey the tumultuous journey of being in love with a narcissist. (your “capture”) the lessons you learn, as painful as they can be, invite you to take a step into the shadow side of love. if you feel at home here, I’m truly sorry. there is a way out. I hope you break free. -with so much love, gillian.
and when you retreat,
i’ll wear this shirt for days.
intoxicating & sweet,
with your cologne interlaced.
breathing in your deceit,
it kind of feels like mace.
denial mixed with defeat.

• i’ve always had bad taste.

i knew you weren’t game.
still i chose to play.
it isn't fair to blame.
believe me, i carry my own shame.
poured myself into your glass,
played the waiting game.
leaking through your cracks,
our imperfections the same.
-i recognize a glass half full, even when it’s shattered.
every summer, we reheat.
you left your roots behind
seasons change, but cycles repeat.
if you see the same tree in the forest twice,
it’s time to face defeat.
must come to terms,
the truth can be bleak.
-you’re lost.
got a god complex,
but you’re not religious.
searching for who’s next.
never fearing Jesus.
sit back & count your checks.
blame your mistakes on demons.
make your excuses.
you’ve got your reasons.
-false prophecy
you remind me of an onion.
make me cry as I peel away at you,
in search for your seed.
but you’re just a facade of skins.
layers of deception,
concealing the truth.
disappointing.
you have no core,
only hollow creed.
-my mother’s disdain for onions.
there’s always been a haze between us.
murky, convoluted, undefined.
more than friends, less than lovers.
simultaneously strangers.
but in this ambiguity, I find solace.
-for grey is my favorite color.
i’ll play bartender,
make you something nice.
your heart in my hand,
gripping your ice.
drain me dry,
leave me hollow & still.
next week you’ll return,
thirsty for your refill.
-whiskey sour
bittersweet.
should have read the label.
“poison”
sitting so pretty on my table.
calling like an offering,
tempting & fatal.
it won’t go down smooth,
leave me unstable.
i tried to resist, i was unable.
now i see that love exists,
but only in fables.
-why do mistakes taste so good?
your lips left a bruise.
just here to distract.
but i admit i’m confused
when you kiss me like that.
aware i’m being used.
still comfortable where i’m at.
position i choose
complacent doormat.
-welcome home
you prefer car rides.
a space to talk, yet evade my gaze.
unable to sit still, restless in your ways.
never one to settle, always seeking the next best fling.
oh, how I long for the days when adderall made you sing.
-my fuel light is on
I broke my own heart,
more times than a few.
i may have lied,
but never to you.
if i faced the truth,
then what’s left to do?
i’m comfortable here,
wasting my youth.
i hate to admit it,
but i know it’s true.
i’m scared of change,
you run from it too.
i won’t forgive myself,
for always forgiving you.
-can you be home sick from people too?
You’re dead to me.
-Necrophiliac.
come on.
i forgave you,
without an apology.
convinced myself it was closure.
started our anthology.
this will never be over.
it’s in our biology.
let’s have a do over.
can you just come fuck me?
-delusional. & i can’t rhyme either.
i’ll read between your lines,
decipher each clue.
search for the signs,
follow your cue.
you’ve spun me around,
think i’ve lost a few screws.
still i rise, dust off the bruise.
maybe i’m drawn to a challenge,
perhaps it’s not you.
denial is my shield.
my safe space, my refuge.
the truth will not prevail
defeat? i refuse.
my final boss,
I aim to subdue.
-sore loser.
my mom said i felt cold.
I always tell the truth.
the words escaped my mouth.
“i get it from you.”
funny, she hugs me now.
never in my youth.
conceal carry my trauma.
play it cool, keep it smooth.
use my words as a weapon.
daddy taught me how to shoot.
-target practice
it’s lonely as a ghost,
been trapped here for years.
lingering around,
mopping up your tears.
do you sense my presence?
can you feel me near?
if I dare make a sound,
will you even hear?
or am I just a whisper?
it’s never been quite clear.
promised to stay beside you,
my love was sincere.
-invisible
afraid to release
what's just a mist.
I must learn to respect
your lack of interest.
hard pill to swallow,
if i could just take the hint.
i hate letting go
of what doesn't exist.
-maybe i’m the problem
chasing you down as you flee,
why look back, just to see?
i’m gaining distance, is this what you need?
only now I realize, I'm your source of glow.
i feed your flame, you need me to grow.
without my warmth, will your embers persist?
or will they die out, because I was your wick?
I can go the distance, even do it quick.
didn’t think I could pass you but, tag, you're it.
so when your lost in the dark,
just look for my light.
for my flames eternal.
vivacious and bright.
-Ruled by the Sun.
you love her like a one-way mirror.
boosting your ego, making thoughts clearer.
she stands before you, but can you even see her?
soon her time will come, to be valued, to be known.
to be more than a reflection, to be art on her own.
-shattered
i feel as though i’m trapped
in a museum.
exhibits of my past.
meticulously preserved & on display.
forced to observe and to my dismay..
no exits.
-i don’t like it here
i am an esteemed professor.
teaching you how to love.
i am a well-traveled guide.
leading you to your full potential.
i am a warrior.
going to battle for your reputation.
i am an artist.
molding you into your greatest self.
i am a generous humanitarian.
donating my most precious piece to another women.
she sees no flaws.
enamored by your beauty.
a saw the hardened marble slab
i chiseled away for years.
only to reveal the beauty underneath for someone else to cherish.
-wasted potential
when we were pretending to be strangers, I loved you from afar.
when we were playing house,
I welcomed you with all my heart.
you left me here, with nothing but a scar.
sad and empty.
headed to a bar.
light up a cigarette.
fill me with tar.
I hope you think of me when you see a shooting star.
-maybe you loved me in a past life
only one day will i realize
the last thing i should feel is surprise
my personality has been downsized
because i chose to compromise
with a man wearing a disguise
your plan was always devised
but I’ll meet you at our spot
-king sized
you can fill your bed with anyone.
but who can fill your void?
you’ll never solve the puzzle
-sincerely, the missing piece.
ravenous for praise.
the apex predator.
you feed on the weak.
but never leave satisfied.
your greedy but insatiable.
devoured your feast
how can you be famished?
-taste me and see me why you’ve been starving
there’s things i wanna say to you.
but i’ll just let you be.
you have a way of always avoiding
-accountability
you’ve got walls up
but i know where the windows are
-can i come in?
maybe you do
love me
but only in the dark
when no one’s watching
-conditional.
i wish i was tired of you.
forgiveness, i can’t escape.
they say patience is a virtue,
but it’s a habit i can’t break.
-if i had a dollar for all the times i should have blocked you
the spot i had for you was soft.
made for you, a perfect fit.
delusion is wearing off.
disgust is starting to hit.
gave it all to you, at any cost.
-should have known it wasn’t permanent.
and just like that,
2 steps forward. 10 steps back.
why do i feel comfortable in this trap?
-i hope you run away and never come back
I don't wish you well, that would be too easy.
I wish you self-reflection.
-internal accountability.
i am the girl that learned
to do everything by myself.
to not depend on others to save me.
to fill up my time, or entertain me.
he said to go where i am appreciated, so i went to therapy.
-i’ll send you in the invoice.
in order to heal a wound,
you have to stop touching it.
-i have dermatillomania
thank you for reading! far from perfect but i took up writing as a way to express myself and it really helped me heal and process my emotions <3 thanks guys

Hey Tea Exchange! It's Tea Cluttering Time. Moving…reducing. Teawares post to follow.
My teas are properly stored. Will quote CONUS, PPGS.
Please Comment before Chat or DM and kindly include your Zip Code. Thank you!
Proof & Verification - See Tea Headers
SHENG

1. The Phoenix Collection 2001 Yiwu Qiamu #5417 15g $4 10g $3

Bitterleaf Teas

1. Dragon Blood 2015 Spring Lin Cang Zi Juan - Raw Purple Tea 20g $20
   
2. Hummingbird 2013 Spring Jingle Mai One Coin available approx. +-8.5g with wrapper. $9
   
3. Drink Me 2020 Nanmo Raw Puer Three Dragon Balls $8
   
4. Charmed 2020 Lincang Raw Puer Three Dragon Balls $8
   
5. Spring 2018 Outlier - Two Dragon Balls $6 or $3 each
   
6. 2018 Plum Beauty Gold 2018 Mengsong Raw Puer One Dragon Ball $4
   
7. Farmerleaf Spring 2018 Mengku Ba Nuo 16g $10
   

Yunnan Sourcing

1. Aromatic Bamboo Species Raw Pu-erh Tea "Xiang Zhu" 50 grams Bamboo Stick $15
   
2. Mang Fei Mountain "Mandala Mushroom" Raw Pu-erh Tea Tuo 25g $8
   
3. Da Xue Shan Raw Pu-erh Tea Dragon Ball Rolled Pu'er Three Dragon Balls $9
   
4. 2001 Gu Pu'er "Yin Hao Tuo" Raw Pu-erh Tea 50 Gram Tuo $34
   
5. 2000 Bu Lang Mountain "Mushroom Tuo" Raw Pu-erh Tea 10g $8.50
   

White2Tea 14. 2017 Swine Dog 8g $10 15. 2018 Swine Dog 6g $6
SHOU
White2Tea 16. 2020 Camphornought One Dragon Ball $2

1. 2020 Prosbloom Two Dragon Balls $3

Yunnan Sourcing

1. 2020 Jingmai Mountain Ripe Puerh Cake 25g sealed $8
   
2. 2019 Tie Guo Li Super Mini Coins Three Coins approx 25g with wrapper $4
   
3. 2011 Mengku Grade 3 Ripe Mini Three Mini Touchas approx 18g with paper $2.50
   

FU 21. Yunnan Sourcing 2019 Gao Jia Shan "Golden Prosperity Pig Cometh" Fu Zhuan Tea 110g partial brick $12 40g chunk $4.50 30g $3.50 30g $3.50
OOLONG TEAS
What-Cha

1. China Fujian hangping Light Shui Xian Cake Two cakes/faerie pillows 18.8g with wrapper $5
   
2. Vietnam 'RED BUFFALO' Oolong Tea 14g $3
   
3. China FUJIAN BRANDY Oolong Tea 10g $3
   
4. Taiwan 2003 AGED GREEN HEART Oolong Tea 17g $8
   

Silk Road Teas

1. Anxi Oolong 2017 - 11g $3 2019 - 10g $3 2019 - 20g $6
   
2. Magnolia Blossom Fragrance Yu Lan Xiang Oolong 15g $6 15g $6
   

Bitterleaf Teas

1. Nectar Top Shelf Nectar 2019 Spring Milan... (pink label) - 10g $15
   
2. Ducktale 2019 Spring Yashixiang Dancong Wulong (teal/gray label) 14g $9
   
3. Nectar 2019 Spring Milanxiang Dancong Wulong - (purple label) 12g $5
   
4. Make it Rain 2019 Spring Aofuhou Dancong Wulong LOT with Tin $80 50 gram sealed pouch $50 30 gram pouch $25
   
5. DECORATIVE CAKE Dragon with Ball Big Red Robe Tea Cake approx. 100g $16
   

GREEN TEAS
What-Cha 33. Korea Jukro Jungjak Semi-Wild Green Tea 50g sealed envelope $25 excellent tea, sampled the remainder of an earlier order and it’s just as delicious as when i first purchased it.

1. Two Hills Emerald Green Tea ( iirc this is organic) 15g - $2 15g - $2
   
2. Mystery Roasted Tea - from a Tea Shop A quality tea, I just don’t do roasted. 14g - $3
   
3. Numi - Organic Green Jasmine 5 Sealed Sachets - $2 5 Sealed Sachets - $2
   
4. Choice - Organic Reishi Matcha 5 Sealed Sachets - $3 5 Sealed Sachets - $3
   
5. Hyley’s - Green Tea Pomegranate Garcinia Cambogia 5 Sealed Sachets - $3
   
6. Choice - Organic Premium Japanese Green 5 Paper Sachets (stored separately in ziplocks) - $2
   

WHITE TEAS
Bitterleaf Teas

1. Skinny Dip 2019 Spring Simao White Tea a nice chunk of cake in the packet 22g $5
   
2. 2016 Little Mountain Fuding Shoumei White Tea 36g $8
   

BLACK TEAS
Dobra - Ashland

1. Lychee Black Tea 23g - $3 20g - $3
   
2. Nilgiri Shiva - 19g $3
   
3. Vanilla Black Tea - 18g $2
   
4. Silk Road Teas Yunnan Black 20g - $4 15g - $3
   
5. TeaVivre Non-Pareil Yunnan Dian Hong Ancient Wild Tree 15g - $3 10g - $2
   
6. What-Cha Mi-Xiang Honey Black 35g - $6
   
7. Young Mountain Tea Company - Kuman 18g - $3
   
8. Unsmoked Lapsang Souchong - 20g $2
   
9. Republic of Tea British Breakfast 45 tea bags $8
   

HERBALS

1. Taylors Organic Chamomile Sealed Tea Bags Five -$1
   
2. Choice Organic Chamomile Paper Wrapper Five - $1
   
3. Buddha Teas Passion Flower Sealed Tea Bags Five - $2
   

Thank you!

As a DJ with 25 years of ongoing passion for the craft and a special fondness for the 90s oldschool sounds, Yoko has collected lots of vinyl from the "good old days". Here, he shares 10 tracks from that era which he thinks often go unnoticed, especially when at retro events today the DJs mostly keep playing the well-known tunes from back then.
Since Yoko always wants to keep tracks like these from being forgotten, he regularly streams live mixes on his channels where he aims to repeat tracks as little as possible! Make sure to check out his "Oldschool Mixfest" series if you're into this style (and don't mind German chat & voiceovers).
Links:
Twitch – https://www.twitch.tv/YokoInTheMix YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/YokoInTheMix Patreon – https://www.patreon.com/YokoInTheMix
1. Univers - Univers ["Dance Division Vol. 12" // Pink Records // Spain 1995] Relentlessly forward-pounding Hard-Trancer on one of Spain's best "not-so-Makina" labels, with an awesome melody and high energy vocal sample on top. And as with many of these tunes, works even better when pitched up a few percent!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C-4bNY7OgI
2. Elemental Space - Called You (Roughage Remix) ["Stronglimited" // Time Unlimited // Germany 1993] Similarly full of energy with both awesome arpeggio buildup and lead synth melody, plus typical early 90s "dark bass & drums" arrangement. Imagine a strobe-filled but otherwise dimly-lit dancefloor and you're off to rave heaven!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPOLyNNUPlk
3. Polyphonic - Mamy (Virus Mix) [Do It Yourself // Italy 1996]Italian Hard-Trance is usually more filled with angelic choir sample based melodies, but this track just goes full throttle with a nasty synth line and distorted Acid goodness on top – delicious.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZdQ2m9bJTU
4. M - Das Wunder (Club Mix) ["Running (The Future Is Now!) (Special Mix)" // Blow Up // Germany 1995]Hidden away on the B-side of an (also nice, but slower) Trope Remix of a Vocal Hard-Trance/Euro-Rave tune is this masterpiece of 170 BPM Hard-Trance. You don't expect it from the way the tune starts rather, let's say "level headed" with just some nice drum work and occasional synth stab, but when the main part comes in, you're guaranteed to start jumping!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lG_aDwVBAs
5. DJ Rope & DJ Marco Bailey - Be Free (Wavesong Mix) ["Spice" // Dance Opera // Belgium 1994]Another B-side surprise! This one comes as close to the perfect hypnotic rave melody as it gets, and even though it does work at its original speed, try cranking your turntable up to the max and you're gonna lose your shit to this banger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqqyPcD2m5Y
6. Unknown Structure - Music For The Brain (Remix) [Frankfurt Beat Productions // Germany 1994] The perfect starter track for a set filled with 90s high-energy Hard-Trance & Rave! You get about a minute of preparation and moody intro vibes, until the main synth starts taking you on a journey you'll never forget. Another breather around 3:30 mins and then you're granted a second ride through this amazing buildup of sounds! "Sound of Frankfurt" at it's finest.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6S14CjzUWEc
7. Mental Glue - Accuphase [OverOut // Germany 1995] Starts off already hard with great kickdrum & Acid combo which on it's own already get your heart pumping. But then the break introduces an amazing uplifting melody as counterpoint to the first part that works just perfect. This is the type of "hard-but-still-melodical" tune that could only be made in the 90s!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7asuM5hGjs
8. Secret Alloy - Mon-Ka ["Second Chapter EP" // Pedo Beat Records // Germany 1995] And yet another B-side sleeper hit. Good buildup, then everything gets stripped down and you wonder if this track goes anywhere – but you'll soon be rewarded for your patience! The melody is a perfect example of "simple makes it memorable", only 3 notes but used expertly, and with a nice piercing synth sound to drive it into your brain while raving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pvx2HcrVaCc
9. M-Modulator - Boff ["Sour Lips EP" // Ugly Frog Productions // Germany 1996] If you ever wanted to drift off into Acid-Hard-Trance hypnosis for almost 8 minutes, then this tune is for you. Just enough variation of the sounds, underpinned with a repetitive "flickering" sound loop to keep you in trance the whole time, almost invites you to just play this track on repeat in the background to keep you energized and hypnotized for as long as you need.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X89NrmIY9U
10. Fiocco - Sordo ["Afflitto" // Outline // Belgium 1997]This might be the most surprising B-side bomb of them all...! The main track on this release would later be made famous in cooperation with Kosmonova (renamed to "Celebrate"), and who would expect a fast Hard-Trance/Rave tune on such a slower "clubsound of the late 90s" release? There's also only one pressing where this particular track even exists, but taking this stark contrast of styles into account it's not that surprising. Just take my word for it, and check this 175 BPM banger out. But don't complain if your legs hurt after bouncing to this!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Js5_ioDx__Q

Hey it's Disabled Chick again! Well I'm not a superhero, friends normally call me Rin, lol
But yeah I didn't mention in my last post I write poetry often, here's one now that just came to me:
............... If I swear (I swear baby) Would you stay No don't walk away Stay awhile I swear I'll make it worth your while Upon first sight You jump my heart Revived my engine with jumper cables We don't need to give it labels (yet) Just settle in Sattle your horse beside mine We gallop wild in the day and night Wrestle wet and dirty fight all through the night Yeah all through the night Maybe too soon But I couldn't help it baby Your soul is irresistible Quickly you got my guards down I dial just to hear your voice That sound like angel music Oh I'm my harshest critic and you know it Wrapping me up in your feathers and fur This comes with a feeling I can't ignore So if I swear Promise up my heart Won't you stay more than awhile Our kind of romance never goes out of style Timeless Iridescent Ocean blue So true Oh just got kiss it Oh just got to bite it Playful And I thought I was all ice How did you How could you But you did Melt me with that smile (So stay awhile) And now I smile too Oh above tell me I'm no fool to give into you No I'd be a fool to resist fate State, profess now You love me too
................
Last post was successful I made some friends! Thank you so much!!! I'm looking for more friends at any time zone...
I want to talk about everything under the sun, our triumphs and tribulations... What music we've got on repeat, gifs, shorts, recommend shows and movies etc
I'm currently listening to One Of Your Girls by Troye Svian, lyrics are perfection...
I'm queer and have been enjoying the terrible camp show AJ and the Queen on Netflix...
I really like scifi and stuff like the Twilight Zone or Black Mirror, stuff that's good for fun discussions...
Random thing I've been dabbling into makeup a little bit but normally I'm natural...
So if you're 21+ message your name age and gender and you're favorite toy growing up to so you read this far! Mine was Power Rangers action figures hehe...

So over the past few days, my allergies have been flaring up worse than they have any year before this one. I had never really had allergies up until about 3 years ago, and since then they have been getting worse and worse with each passing year. My eyes have been super itchy, which has never been a problem, and the roof of my mouth has been a bit more itchy and annoying than usual. Because of this, I obviously started taking allergy pills to remedy it, specifically "Aller-Tec," or, as it is generically called, cetirizine. I haven't had the best sleep schedule as of late, mostly due to getting off of college for the summer, where 5–6 a.m. nights in the studio were pretty common, so getting up at noon has been pretty normal for me. Right when I wake up, I take one pill to help for most of the day, and it works just fine until around 9 or 10 p.m., when my allergies start to flare up again and I take another. It's around here that I should mention that I have felt like utter garbage the past few days. My mood has been all over the place. I am constantly tired, depressed, and really on edge. To the point where yesterday I yelled something at my mom, something I NEVER do. I am typically a pretty "happy-go-lucky" guy, and I love my mom. On top of this, when I get in bed at night, I have been having horrible chest pains and ciculatory issues that cause numbing and aching pains all over my body, making sleep incredibly difficult. 2 nights ago, the chest pains got so bad that I thought I was actually having a heart attack at 20 years old. Of course, I just assumed that my mood being all over the place was due to the fact that either I have been struggling to find summer work or that I'm away from school and my friends. Even just yesterday, I assumed that my chest pains were due to the fact I had been sitting on my ass playing Skyrim for over a week and not getting enough sunlight, so I went on a 2-hour bike ride to get some exercise in. These pieces all came together last night, when I was playing some games with friends over Discord. My allergies started flaring up again, to the point where I could barely see my monitor through the tears in my eyes. The roof of my mouth was on fire, and my nose was flooding with snot. I excused myself for a minute to go and get some more allergy pills. As I was about to take my second pill within 8 hours of the last, I decided I wanted to check the label to see if it was maybe okay to take MORE than what I was already taking. Of course, the label clearly stated, "DO NOT EXCEED MORE THAN ONE CAPSULE PER DAY." I was horrified because, not only have I been taking more than one, but in one instance, I had technically taken 3 within a 24 hour period. I immediately ran upstairs to check my computer, and lo and behold, the top results for cetirizine overdose symptoms are as follows:
Symptoms of Overdose

• Changes in mood, irrational behavior, depersonalization hallucinations
  
• convulsions (seizures)
  
• extreme sleepiness or unusual drowsiness
  
• fast, slow, pounding, or irregular heartbeat or pulse
  
• feeling anxious
  
• irritability
  
• muscle weakness or tenderness
  
• restlessness
  
• sleeplessness or trouble in sleeping
  
• abdominal and/or chest pain
  

I had been actively overdosing on allergy pills the past few days. Part of this shock was actually relief funnily enough because me feeling like shit the past few days, and treating other people like shit, was not really a problem with me, but actually the obsene amounts of stimulants in my system. I can happily report that last night I fell asleep just fine with no chest pain and woke up today feeling a whole lot better. My parents were horrified when I told them, my brother (rightfully so) called me a "fucking idiot." And before anyone in the comments says anything, I have already called my doctor for prescription strength allergy medications. The moral of the story is, obviously, please read the labels on medication bottles.
TL;DR: I have been feeling like garbage the past few days with no clue as to why, turns out I have been overdosing on allergy medication.

Wealth will come, but first I must serve others. - Marion Bekoe
I readily admit that I'm far from flawless—in fact, I embrace my imperfections as part of what makes me uniquely me. If you were to ask for a single word to describe me, I'd proudly declare myself "ambitious." However, if you were to ask my family, they might affectionately label me as "stubborn." So, I suppose you could say I'm ambitiously stubborn—a blend of determination and tenacity that fuels my journey.
While I prioritize my own happiness, I'm equally mindful of the impact my actions have on others. My goal isn't simply to please people but to leave a lasting, positive mark on their lives—one that inspires them to pay it forward and uplift others in turn.
My mother embodies the epitome of humility, love, and service. Often, I find myself marveling at her selflessness and praying to emulate her example. Yet, my aspiration isn't to mimic anyone else but to become the person God intended me to be. Witnessing my mother's unwavering dedication to serving others has instilled in me a deep sense of duty to do the same.
Drawing inspiration from my mother's acts of service, I strive to extend the same level of care and compassion to those around me. My hope is that by serving others wholeheartedly, I can ignite a similar desire within them to lend a helping hand to those in need.
For startups, embracing the principle of serving others is essential. It's an opportunity to demonstrate love, humility, and empathy in action—qualities that can elevate both individuals and organizations alike. Leading with a servant's heart and guiding with integrity are hallmarks of true leadership.
At Cosgn, we are committed to serving startups with the same level of devotion and care that my mother serves me. Through initiatives like Cosgn Credit, which enables entrepreneurs to kickstart their online businesses without any upfront costs, and Cosgn Share, which empowers people to help startups to access essential services while providing them with financial support for themselves and their families, we strive to serve our community with excellence and integrity.

i think i was panicking i labelled it price instead of cost/revenue 😭😭😭 i thought i did so well on 25 mark essay but i only realised it now how many mark will i potentially lose for this ???? pls someone tell me

Shipping is $5 to US; will quote for elsewhere. All tested once unless otherwise noted. Happy to check out swap lists but will be picky (trying to move things out without bringing an equal number in!). Please pay within 24 hours of claiming or communicate otherwise; items not paid for will be offered to the next person in line. Cross-posted.
Arcana Craves/Wildcraft

• Creamsicle LN (5ml) Mexican vanilla extract with sweet blood oranges, ripe tangerines, and cold ice cream. $18
• Devilish (5ml, heavily stained label) Shaking off vanilla’s unfair reputation for namby pambyness, this infernally dark and smoky fragrance comes complete with licks of fire and sulfurous wafts of brimstone. $10
• Honeys Crave Smouldering Cauldrons (5ml, half full, slightly stained label) $9
• Milk LN (5ml, full to neck) $13
• Moth-Like Stars (5ml) Creamy white amber, elegant cashmere, soft silk voile, salty Ambroxan, and diaphanous musk. $20
• PB&J LN (5ml) Rich peanut butter, grape jelly, and a hint of toast. $15
• Puck (5ml, full to about TOL) A rich amber accord (labdanum, benzoin, and sweet Tahitian vanilla) is warmed with velvety plum, ripe fig, layers of incense, cedar resin, incantations on old parchment, and soft woods. $13
• Oat Milk LN (full to neck) $13
• The Kraken (5ml, below TOL but above half, slightly stained label) Gorgeous smoked vanilla, black vanilla, saltwater, China musk, and black musk. $12
• Wolfling (5ml, below TOL but above half) Innocently feral opening of sweet marzipan and wild cherry leads to a heart of warm cardamom, sugared vanilla beans, soft wolfing fur, Cashmeran, and gentle gourmand musk. $14
• Yggradsil (5ml, slightly stained label) Sacred incense, dark woods, Timbersilk, citrusy frankincense tears, wild-harvested fir branches, black spruce, smoky amber, and heartwood cedar. $18

Nocturne Alchemy

• Blueberry Musk (6ml, domed lid) Bastet’s Musk absolute (Tuberose, Mallow, Angelica, Musk Flower, and White Lily), Blueberry essence, Snow Blueberry accord, Bastet’s Amber absolute, eNVie saphir absolute\ and Blueberry Mallow essence accord. *$20**
• Crystalline #12 (6ml purple bottle) Bastet’s Ice Cream; Vanilla Crystalline Cream, Butter accord, Caramel Accord, French Vanilla Bean Absolute, Vanilla Milk accord, Vanilla Orchid, Crystalline Absolute and Vanilla Sugar, Mallow Root extract, Sweet Mallow, Sugar, Bastet’s Musk absolute and Crystalline (Studio Limited Originals). $30
• Crystalline #14 (6ml blue bottle) Crystalline Absolute, Cake accord, Vanilla Bean, Vanilla infused Sugar Cane accord, Ice Cream accord, English Lemon Curd, Crème Brûlée accord, Bastet’s Musk absolute, and Green Cardamom absolute. $30
• Eclipse White Amber (6ml frosted bottle) NA White Amber accord, Tonka Bean absolute, Labdanum absolute, Benzoin resin and Caramelized Labdanum. $20

Recently divorced my husband of 20 years. My now ex husband decided during an explosive episode that he “wanted a fucking divorce” (NOT the first time this came up), told me to go see a lawyer after we sat down days later and agreed our marriage was over. With that, he left….
He then changed his mind and came back a few days later, but during his explosive cycle, he said something that completely turned my heart off to him. What was done could not be undone. The love bombing commenced. He became everything I could have wanted and was finally open for therapy. But when I said no and pointed out his love bombing and his cycle of abuse (I caution anyone who decides to tell their abuser that they are abusive. Sometimes less is more). He proceeded to send me emails ranging from mean run on sentences to, “we should talk”, to friendly banter, and then picking at things around the house after he was supposed to have been gone (ie “xyz wasn’t cleaned. Please clean daily”). Yet somehow, likely due to my silence, he has convinced his adult kids that have known me since they were 5 and 7 and his entire family that this is my doing. I have lost most of the people I spent the last 20 years with aside from my family and closest friends because everything revolved around him and his comfort level. Some days it’s hard justifying to myself that I’m not a terrible because of all of the loss, but that was likely his goal. He knew he had conditioned me to blame myself. If he couldn’t have me, he would alienate me from everyone I loved that he could. He manipulated me into giving him back one of our dogs (the love of my life, once in a lifetime kind of dog) that he previously decided he didn’t want by telling me everything was his doing and he isn’t a good person and afterward asking if he could please have her. He was her “person” and I knew she would be happier over all with him but I felt we were on good terms after that and I would be able to see her as he promised. A few weeks later, I was terrible again. He moved her out in December despite him coming back every other week for a day or 2 (to inspect the property and report his findings via email every Monday) and I didn’t get to say goodbye and have not seen her since He went so far as leaving lists laying out about titled “how to deal with a narcissist”.
I deeply miss the non-abusive side of him, but that side became less and less frequent as the years went by. The last year was week after week of explosions. I’m sure it’s because I was “a terrible wife” as he labeled his first wife (who ironically had things to say about me not taking him back). And I’m sure everyone I knew and loved during my marriage now feels the same way based on whatever narrative he has spun. At the end of it all he walked away with a large sum of money that I agreed on by up charging the house buyout so that I didn’t have to pay him maintenance (I make a good living and he cut his hours to 2-3 days during the divorce which for some reason was OK and put me at risk for having to pay him despite his earning potential being higher than mine )
Despite all of the pain I carry right now. It needed to happen. I am and will continue to be better off.

Honorable Judge Charlotte, please hand down your judgement. Buckle up because it’s a lil long!
So I (24f) bought a house with my fiancée (also 24f) just a few months ago. The biggest reason I love the house is its front garden, which is full of my all time favorite flowers, and it was so breathtaking in the summer photos that I was determined to have it.
We moved in with a few friends, B (24f), Alice (26f), and C (21m), because we had the room for them and wanted them to have a lease-less place to live until they find their own places, whenever that would be.
(Payment context: Alice, B, and C pay us to essentially rent their bedrooms, paying only $400 a month while my fiancée and i each pay about $1200 in bills. They did not sign any lease or rent agreement. No one besides my fiancée and I are on the title of the house, and just the two of us made the down payment. Everyone could move out tomorrow and my fiancée and I would be fine.)
We had all lived with each other in the past, and had great communication and became very close friends. Like, make dinner together, watch shows together, smoke and talk for hours every other night kind of close friends.
For context, Alice has 2 pets, with specific diets and meal times. Other people in the house also have pets, but it’s unimportant to this. We have a group chat for stuff related to our house or pets (having people over, working late so someone needs to feed their pet, etc) that we were really good at using to update each other and send pet pics.
But not long after we moved into the house, Alice started dating someone new, who we’ll call Gf. Alice starts spending every day with Gf, not responding to messages from me or other roommates when we ask whether her pets have been fed, and bringing Gf over all the time to hang out, but just the two of them.
All the time she spent with us went away, which was shocking, considering several of us are in relationships, but can still find time for friends. I wouldn’t have had a problem with this, if I didn’t also notice her pets getting sick more frequently, behaving abnormally, and acting yknow, abandoned.
I tried texting her about it, because i had no clue when I’d see her next. She responded defensively when I brought up her caring for her pets, and not want to discuss it further, but the behavior never changed.
Because of this, me and the others picked up the slack to take care of her pets, but it’s so exhausting because it is obvious that the pets still just really miss her. It basically feels like she moved out, but uses our house as a pit stop.
She doesn’t buy food or communal supplies like toilet paper, but will randomly come home a few times a week, shower, eat someone else’s food, and either go to pick up Gf or to hang out at Gf’s place. We will only know that’s she’s stopped by recently by seeing her clothes thrown around the dining room, extra clutter of her mail and purses in the living room, and extra dishes in the sink, never the dishwasher right fucking next to it.
My fiancee, B, and C brought up their frustrations to me about this, but I brushed them off, saying it’s fine and we’re all learning how to be adults in our weird setup. I wanted to give her grace. But the thing that made me freak out happened today.
I enter the living room to see Alice with one of our mutual friends. I say hi and walk past, and Alice continues talking to the friend. She starts telling them about the pumpkins she planted in the front garden.
I kinda freeze when she says it. The front garden is full of gorgeous perennials, regrowing each year, meticulously planted by the previous owners (who were extremely gracious to us during the purchase process- we respect them a lot) and she Planted. Pumpkins?
Literally the biggest fucking things you can grow, that sprouts from long, creeping vines that can choke out other plants? Pumpkins. Without telling me or my fiancée.
I turn back and reenter the conversation, and ask her where she planted them, smiling for an honest answer. She says she scattered them across the garden, and labeled none of them. I say ok, and leave them to their talk. I draft a text to my fiancee about the situation, but decide that maybe it’s not that big a deal.
Later I’m in the same living room catching up with an old friend who was in town, talking about the house and garden as it was their first visit, and Alice walks past the window we’re sitting by, with a potted tree. My friend quietly asks me what the fuck she’s doing with a tree, when a huge reason why we moved here was the landscaping already being sufficient.
I didn’t even know what to say, I just started to cry. The combo of her planting the pumpkin seeds without even Mentioning it to any of us, ESPECIALLY my fiancée and I, and bringing a tree to plant in OUR YARD just felt so disrespectful when she can’t even come home to take care of her pets.
I altered and sent the drafted text to my fiancée to get her opinion on it. I also told B and C about it after my friend left, and they’re on my side, but they think this will be fixed with just “a talk.”
My fiancée is also on my side, but is beyond furious and wants to just kick her out. So I lay in bed crying, feeling like I’ve been deeply wronged over unsent text messages and unasked for pumpkin seeds, like a dumbass.
I’m scared that the pumpkin vines will choke out the beautiful garden the previous owners worked so hard on, and that i adore so much. Honestly, I am equally, if not more scared that I am soon going to watch her pets die of a broken heart.
Everything feels like the wrong choice and I’m so overwhelmed. Am I the asshole for wanting to kick my friend out of my house over pumpkin seeds?
TL;DR: A roommate started neglecting their pets, then planted pumpkins in a flower bed without asking (Fiancee & I own the house).

DAY: MAY 14, 2024

• 5-14-2024CAN EATING OR DRINKING CAFFEINE BEFORE BED IMPACT YOUR HEALTH? Having a lot of food in your stomach before bed can redirect blood flow to your gut to digest the food, meaning there is less blood flow going to your brain. You need that blood flow to your brain to make sure you go into the different sleep stages. If you have caffeine in your system or are sensitive to it, the time to fall asleep can double. Caffeine has a half-life of up to 4.5 hours, so a safe bet is to avoid caffeine after noon.
• 5-14-2024RESEARCHERS DETECT HIDDEN INGREDIENTS AND QUESTIONABLE CLAIMS IN SUPPLEMENTS some supplement companies may mislead customers with unproven health claims and undeclared ingredients. The researchers focused on supplements that have been associated with the purported treatment or prevention of COVID-19 and other respiratory illnesses. During the pandemic, the use of dietary supplements skyrocketed throughout the world. “There was a big spike in purchase and use of these types
• 5-14-2024TEXT MESSAGES WITH FINANCIAL INCENTIVES CAN HELP MEN WHO ARE LIVING WITH OBESITY LOSE WEIGHT, UK STUDY FINDS text messages with financial incentives can help men who are living with obesity lose weight and could be a valuable alternative to traditional weight management programs. Men who were offered cash for hitting weight loss targets lost more weight than those not given a financial incentive,
• 5-14-2024EXERCISE BENEFITS THE BRAIN, BUT IMPROVING ITS BLOOD VESSELS MAY TAKE LONGER People with less consistent brain blood flow patterns may be at greater risk of dementia and cerebrovascular disease. To explore whether regular aerobic exercise can help, researchers at Iowa State University have conducted a pilot study, the results of which were recently published in the Journal of Applied Physiology. “The big take-away is that exercise is good for the arteries and brain, but its effects are complex and takes time to accumulate benefits
• 5-14-2024SOCIAL ONLINE TRAINING CAN HELP AGAINST LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION a ten-week, partner-based mental online training program boosted resilience, empathy and compassion, and deepened social connections. At the same time, these short daily, app-based practices done with another person, so-called Dyads, decreased loneliness, depression, anxiety and a negative outlook
• 5-14-2024TECH ALONE CAN’T REPLACE HUMAN COACHES IN OBESITY TREATMENT, STUDY FINDS technology alone can’t replace the human touch to produce meaningful weight loss in obesity treatment. The study, titled “An Adaptive Behavioral Intervention for Weight Loss Management: A Noninferiority Randomized Clinical Trial,” . “Giving people technology alone for the initial phase of obesity treatment produces unacceptably worse weight loss than giving them treatment that combines technology with a human coach
• 5-14-2024ULTRASOUND CAN HELP PATIENTS WITH A TYPE OF RHEUMATIC DISEASE LEAD LONGER AND HEALTHIER LIVES ultrasound can help patients with a type of rheumatic disease to live longer and healthier lives. These patients have so far had an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, which contributes to premature death. Patients with a type of rheumatic disease called radiographic axial spondyloarthritis, a disease that causes changes in the bones in the pelvis and spine, have poorer health quality of life than control subjects.
• 5-14-2024SCIENTISTS FIND REPEATED, SMALL HITS TO HEAD IN FOOTBALL PLAYERS CAN DAMAGE BLOOD VESSELS IN THE BRAIN The work involved specialized helmets that were used to monitor head impacts in 60 university football players. Credit: Dalhousie University Repeated blows to the heads of football players can damage the small blood vessels of the brain, according to research by Dalhousie University scientists from the Brain Repair Center who believe this damage may contribute to brain dysfunction in some athletes years after play has ended. The neuroscientists found that the brain’s blood vessels can get damaged by a succession of small hits
• 5-14-2024‘MICROPREEMIE’ BABY WHO WEIGHED JUST OVER 1 POUND AT BIRTH GOES HOME FROM ILLINOIS HOSPITAL Nyla was born at just 22 weeks weighing 1 pound and 1 ounce, making her what’s known as a “micropreemie.” She left Silver Cross Hospital on Monday weighing a healthy 10 pounds, and was taken home by her first-time parents
• 5-14-2024RESEARCHERS INVESTIGATE IF PHARMACOLOGICAL TREATMENT OF ADHD REDUCES CRIMINALITY pharmacological treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) reduced violence- and public-order related crimes. However, it did not reduce other types of crimes, among patients with ADHD in early to late adolescence considered to be in the gray zone (or on the margin) for such treatment.
• 5-14-2024A NEW DRUG SHOWS POTENTIAL BENEFITS IN THE RECOVERY OF PATIENTS AFTER A HEART ATTACK beneficial effects of the novel drug Sacubitril/Valsartan in the management of myocardial infarction (MI). The research offers new insights into the drug’s ability to reduce inflammation, cardiac fibrosis, and prevent dangerous heart arrhythmias post-MI. Cardiovascular diseases, especially MI,
• 5-14-2024STUDY EXPLORES ROLE OF EPIGENETICS, ENVIRONMENT IN DIFFERING ALZHEIMER’S RISK BETWEEN BLACK AND WHITE COMMUNITIES environmentally caused alterations to specific areas of the genome—known as imprint control regions—during early development may contribute to the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, and that Black people may be more affected than white people. The work adds to our understanding of the ways in which environmental factors can contribute to genetic alterations and disease susceptibility.
• 5-14-2024NEW AI TOOL IMPROVES RISK ASSESSMENT FOR HEART FAILURE CARE researchers have developed a powerful new risk assessment tool for predicting outcomes in heart failure patients. The researchers have made the tool publicly available for free to clinicians. The new tool improves on existing risk assessment tools for heart failure by harnessing the power of machine learning (ML) and artificial intelligence (AI) to determine patient-specific risks of developing unfavorable outcomes with heart failure.
• 5-14-2024FAR FROM TOXIC, LACTATE RIVALS GLUCOSE AS BODY’S MAJOR FUEL AFTER A CARBOHYDRATE MEAL A volunteer is monitored after being given a large dose of glucose to determine how well people switch from fat to carbohydrate metabolism as they age. In the tests at UC Berkeley, subjects had their blood monitored for labeled lactate and glucose, underwent periodic blood sampling, and had their breath monitored for oxygen and carbon dioxide.
• 5-14-2024STUDY EXPLORES WHAT MOTIVATES PRESCHOOLERS TO PREPARE FOR THE FUTURE Adults find it particularly easy to prepare for the future when they imagine how they will feel. Researchers at Ruhr University Bochum, Germany, have investigated whether this is also the case with preschoolers. The researchers conducted the study at the intersection of philosophy and psychology. They described their findings in the journal Emotion. Rehearsing for a school play, getting a present for a friend’s birthday and packing a book for a long car journey:
• 5-14-2024NEWLY IDENTIFIED PET BIOMARKER PREDICTS SUCCESS OF IMMUNE CHECKPOINT BLOCKADE THERAPY The protein galectin-1 (Gal-1) has been identified as a new PET imaging biomarker for immune checkpoint blockade (ICB) therapy, allowing physicians to predict the tumor responses before beginning treatment. Information garnered from Gal-1 PET imaging could also be used to facilitate patient stratification and optimize immunotherapy, enabling targeted interventions and improving patient outcomes. This research was published in the May issue of The Journal of Nuclear Medicine. Immunotherapies, such as ICB
• 5-14-2024RESEARCH LINKS SLEEP APNEA SEVERITY DURING REM STAGE TO VERBAL MEMORY DECLINE
• 5-14-2024SEVERE OBESITY IN CHILDHOOD CAN HALVE LIFE EXPECTANCY, GLOBAL MODELING STUDY FINDS
• 5-14-2024COEXISTENCE OF PSORIATIC ARTHRITIS, ATOPIC DERMATITIS MAY OFFER TREATMENT INSIGHTS
• 5-14-2024MEN WITH LOW TESTOSTERONE LEVELS MAY BE AT INCREASED RISK OF DYING PREMATURELY
• 5-14-2024CONGENITAL ANOMALIES FOUND TO BE TEN TIMES MORE FREQUENT IN CHILDREN WITH NEURODEVELOPMENTAL DISORDERS
• 5-14-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL HOW LIPOPOLYSACCHARIDE BINDING PROTEIN RESISTS HEPATIC OXIDATIVE STRESS
• 5-14-2024STEM CELLS PROVIDE NEW INSIGHT INTO GENETIC PATHWAY OF CHILDHOOD CANCER
• 5-14-2024SAN FRANCISCO SET TO BAN ‘FOREVER CHEMICALS’ IN FIREFIGHTER GEAR
• 5-14-2024AN NRL PLAYER DIED AT TRAINING DUE TO EXERTIONAL HEAT STROKE. WHAT IS IT AND WHAT SHOULD COACHES AND ATHLETES KNOW?
• 5-14-2024FIVE CHARTS ON THE GLOBAL SUCCESS OF VACCINES
• 5-14-2024KIDS LIVING NEAR COLORADO AIRPORTS HAVE SLIGHTLY ELEVATED LEVELS OF LEAD IN THEIR BLOOD, NEW STUDY FINDS
• 5-14-2024STUDY SHOWS VIRUS THAT CAUSES COVID-19 CAN PENETRATE BLOOD-RETINAL-BARRIER AND COULD DAMAGE VISION
• 5-14-2024HOW BIG FOOD COMPANIES CAN DO MORE TO CREATE HEALTHIER FOOD ENVIRONMENTS
• 5-14-2024PROMISING NEW STUDY COULD LEAD TO A REDUCTION IN SYMPTOMS OF AMYOTROPHIC LATERAL SCLEROSIS
• 5-14-2024PELVIC HEALTH PROBLEMS ARE A COMMON EXPERIENCE FOR WOMEN—WHY MANY DON’T GET THE HELP THEY NEED
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH PRESENTS ‘MINI-BRAINS’ THAT COULD ADVANCE ALZHEIMER’S TREATMENT
• 5-14-2024STUDY SHOWS HOW EXCESSIVE DRINKING AFFECTS OTHERS
• 5-14-2024NEW TRANSIT STATION IN JAPAN SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCES CUMULATIVE HEALTH EXPENDITURES
• 5-14-2024BINGE DRINKING IS A GROWING PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS—HOW RESEARCH ON ALCOHOL USE DISORDER HAS SHIFTED
• 5-14-2024WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM INTERVIEWING HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHO HARM THEMSELVES
• 5-14-2024STUDY REVEALS RACIAL DISPARITIES IN DIAGNOSIS AND DRUG USE FOR DEMENTIA SYMPTOMS
• 5-14-2024PEOPLE WITHOUT AN INNER VOICE HAVE POORER VERBAL MEMORY, FINDS STUDY
• 5-14-2024CONCUSSION EXPERTS WARN TERM USED TO DESCRIBE HEAD IMPACTS—’SUBCONCUSSION’—IS MISLEADING AND DANGEROUS
• 5-14-2024STUDY UNCOVERS PROTEIN INTERACTIONS AS A POTENTIAL PATH FOR ALS CURE
• 5-14-2024HOW BITTER FOOD CONSTITUENTS INFLUENCE GASTRIC ACID PRODUCTION
• 5-14-2024ADIPOSITY IN CHILDHOOD AFFECTS THE RISK OF BREAST CANCER BY CHANGING BREAST TISSUE COMPOSITION, STUDY SUGGESTS
• 5-14-2024COLD PLUNGING MIGHT HELP HEART HEALTH, RESEARCH SUGGESTS
• 5-14-2024STUDY EXPLORES POTENTIAL TARGET TO TREAT LIVER DISEASE
• 5-14-2024THROUGH TRADITION AND TRADE, TRIBE IN RURAL KANSAS WORKS TO RECLAIM ITS FOOD SOVEREIGNTY
• 5-14-2024UK SAYS PROPOSED PANDEMIC TREATY ‘NOT ACCEPTABLE’
• 5-14-2024BODY-WIDE MOLECULAR MAP EXPLAINS WHY EXERCISE IS SO GOOD FOR YOU
• 5-14-2024FIRST STUDY TO GLOBALLY MAP HEAT-WAVE-RELATED MORTALITY FINDS 153,000+ DEATHS ASSOCIATED WITH HEAT WAVES
• 5-14-2024EARLY DIAGNOSIS, TREATMENT OF PERIPHERAL ARTERY DISEASE ESSENTIAL TO IMPROVE OUTCOMES, REDUCE AMPUTATION RISK
• 5-14-2024ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TOOL DETECTS SEX-RELATED DIFFERENCES IN BRAIN STRUCTURE
• 5-14-2024OVER 20,000 PEOPLE JOIN UK SEARCH FOR NEW DEMENTIA TREATMENTS
• 5-14-2024A MINIMAL COGNITIVE ARCHITECTURE REPRODUCES CONTROL OF HUMAN DECISION-MAKING PROCESSES
• 5-14-2024SCIENTISTS DEMYSTIFY WHY SUBSEQUENT BOUTS OF DENGUE ARE WORSE THAN A FIRST-TIME INFECTION
• 5-14-2024BRAIN–COMPUTER INTERFACE EXPERIMENTS FIRST TO DECODE WORDS ‘SPOKEN’ ENTIRELY IN THE BRAIN IN REAL TIME
• 5-14-2024MACHINE LEARNING SHEDS LIGHT ON GENE TRANSCRIPTION
• 5-14-2024WILL AI REPLACE DOCTORS WHO READ X-RAYS, OR JUST MAKE THEM BETTER THAN EVER?
• 5-14-2024SURVEY FINDS 8,000 WOMEN A MONTH GOT ABORTION PILLS DESPITE THEIR STATES’ BANS OR RESTRICTIONS
• 5-14-2024SCIENTISTS DISCOVER SURPRISING DETAILS ABOUT XYLAZINE IN COMBINATION WITH FENTANYL
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH CHALLENGES WIDESPREAD BELIEFS ABOUT WHY WE’RE ATTRACTED TO CERTAIN VOICES
• 5-14-2024ADDING CARDIOVASCULAR BIOMARKERS TO ESTABLISHED RISK FACTORS INCREASES RISK PREDICTION
• 5-14-2024DREAMING IS LINKED TO IMPROVED MEMORY CONSOLIDATION AND EMOTION REGULATION
• 5-14-2024STUDY IDENTIFIES GENETIC LINK BETWEEN INFLAMMATORY BOWEL DISEASE AND PARKINSON’S DISEASE
• 5-14-2024PHYSICIANS WITH DISABILITIES MAY EXPERIENCE DEPERSONALIZATION
• 5-14-2024ANALYSIS SUGGESTS PEOPLE WITH MORE COPIES OF RIBOSOMAL DNA HAVE HIGHER RISKS OF DEVELOPING DISEASE
• 5-14-2024STUDY IDENTIFIES FACTORS ASSOCIATED WITH HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE RETINOPATHY
• 5-14-2024STUDY REVEALS MIXED PUBLIC OPINION ON POLYGENIC EMBRYO SCREENING FOR IVF
• 5-14-2024‘MUSIC MAP’ REVEALS SOME BRAIN CELLS AGE FASTER AND ARE MORE PREVALENT IN ALZHEIMER’S
• 5-14-2024STUDY FINDS SOME CHILDREN WERE PRESCRIBED NONRECOMMENDED MEDS FOR COVID-19
• 5-14-2024COULD BEING ONLINE ACTUALLY BE GOOD FOR YOU? NEW STUDY REVEALS A SURPRISING FINDING
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH IDENTIFIES A LARGER POOL OF GENES INVOLVED IN AGE-RELATED BLOOD CELL MUTATIONS THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
• 5-14-2024NEW DRUG MAKES EXERCISE, EVERYDAY TASKS EASIER FOR PEOPLE WITH COMMON HEART CONDITION
• 5-14-2024BREAST CANCER RISK VARIANTS IDENTIFIED FOR WOMEN OF AFRICAN ANCESTRY
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH SHEDS LIGHT ON WHY COLLEGE STUDENTS IN MEXICO CHOOSE TO VAPE
• 5-14-2024NEW STUDY SHOWS RECOVERY POTENTIAL IN PATIENTS WITH TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY
• 5-14-2024AI AIDS ANALYSIS OF LIFETIME ENVIRONMENTAL EXPOSURES
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH REVEALS URGENT NEED FOR INTEGRATED CARE IN PEDIATRIC EPILEPSY
• 5-14-2024HERPES CURE WITH GENE EDITING MAKES PROGRESS IN LABORATORY STUDIES
• 5-14-2024PATIENTS WITH NEUROLOGICAL DISEASE ARE LIKELIER TO DIE AFTER COVID, FINDS STUDY
• 5-14-2024RESEARCHERS PARTNER WITH CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL ON NEW HEART SURGERY PLANNING TOOL
• 5-14-2024AXONS IN FEMALE MAMMAL BRAINS MAY BE MORE PRONE TO CONCUSSIONS
• 5-14-2024STUDY SUPPORTS LOWER BMI THRESHOLD FOR OBESITY IN THOSE OVER AGE 40
• 5-14-2024FDA DISCUSSING BAN OF FORMALDEHYDE IN HAIR STRAIGHTENERS
• 5-14-2024NEW TOOL ALLOWS FOR GENE SUPPRESSION IN MOUSE HEART MUSCLE CELLS USING CRISPRI
• 5-14-2024NEW GENE THERAPY MODEL OFFERS HOPE FOR X-LINKED SIDEROBLASTIC ANEMIA TREATMENT
• 5-14-2024GIVING LESSONS TO YOUR TEENAGE SELF COULD BOOST YOUR WELL-BEING, SAY RESEARCHERS
• 5-14-2024STUDY FINDS AGE-ASSOCIATED GENE EXPRESSION CHANGES IN MOUSE SWEAT GLANDS
• 5-14-2024INJECTABLE HIV MEDICATION IS SUPERIOR TO ORAL MEDICATION FOR PATIENTS WHO FREQUENTLY MISS DOSES, STUDY FINDS
• 5-14-2024NEW CRYOPRESERVATION PROCEDURE ESTABLISHED TO PRESERVE FERTILITY BEFORE CANCER TREATMENT
• 5-14-2024BRUXISM IS A RECURRING CONDITION AMONG PEOPLE WITH POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER, FINDS STUDY

Previous
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So, if you’re just joining us, I work at a haunted zoo now. Since I’ve gotten some rest, it feels like I’ve got my head on straight, at least, so I’d like to continue where I left off.
I sat on the floor in the office after meeting the ghost until I’d settled my rattled mind (and realized I’d forgotten to ask her name, how rude is that?). I took a deep breath and got up off the floor. Walking over and falling into the rolling chair in front of the large screen of camera views, when I brought up the camera that covered the area in which I’d spotted her, she was still there, and it seemed she hadn’t moved an inch.
Sitting there, at a loss, I continued to watch her. The ghost hung around for another five minutes or so, appearing to look at a few things off-screen, though I’m not sure what. Then she walked off into the forest and left the view of the cameras. I wasn’t sure if she vanished into the ether or if she’d gone looking into the trees to look for something.
But that wasn’t the end of the job interview, so let me jump back there. It continued into what kind of animals the zoo had, with Andrew asking me how much experience I had with dangerous animals.
I took a moment to consider the question. “So, ah…I’ve been going hunting and fishing with a neighbor since I was sixteen,” I told him. “We always have to keep an eye out for gators, bears, and hogs. Then there’s snakes, of course…snapping turtles… Since I’ve lived here my whole life and been aiming for a job with wildlife for a long time, I know a lot about the animals in Arkansas in general. But good advice for all of the above is avoid them, so I’ve had encounters, but I don’t know if you’d say I have experience with them.”
“That’s fine,” Andrew said, nodding. “That’s an answer I’m satisfied with. Now, the ghost was the appetizer, Ripley; here’s the main course. To start with, the pay isn’t twenty-five an hour. It’s fifty.”
Staring in shock for a moment, I asked, “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. But that’d be weird to post online considering what applicants think we need, so I halved it.”
“That’s… Okay, why?”
“The animals are already here. You just can’t see them.”
I stared at him for a long moment, some disbelief worming its way into my expression, before saying, “Sorry, what?”
“There’s a chance you’d naturally never see them, or at least some of them,” he continued casually. “It depends on both your genetics and how long you stay on the job. I can naturally see six of them, but that’s it. Suzanne can see all of them, and more. Some are what people would label demons or ghosts. Or magic. Mostly you’d call them cryptids. The ghost was just a warm-up; I mentioned her first because it never takes more than a week to see her if you work the night shift. If you manage to handle her okay, soon you’ll be able to see the animals too. The more time you spend on the grounds, for weird reasons,” he said, wiggling his fingers in the direction of the back door, “the more you’ll be able to see.”
“So, this…this is a zoo for cryptids,” I echoed slowly. He nodded once, waiting to find out what kind of reaction I would have. I gestured vaguely around the room. “If this is a hidden camera show, will you cut me a check for showing up and participating?”
Andrew coughed out a chuckle and shook his head. “No joke. There are a ton of stories out there that have been written to death, pulverized until they’re not the Grimm stories of old and instead they’re Disney films. A lot of those stories come from what some humans have seen. There are dozens of other worlds pressed up against ours, and occasionally things come through by accident. If they’re smart, they’ll lay low and then make their way back when they can. If not, they become local folklore until someone helps them back. I’m just from London, but Suzanne is from somewhere else. She hires people like us for this zoo. Humans.”
Sighing, I shook my head. “That makes no sense. Why would she hire a muggle for a magic zoo?”
Andrew burst out laughing at that, and then waited to gather himself before he continued. “Fair point, but this is less about magic and more about animals, and you’re missing some information that will explain it. First of all, if I misjudge an employee, and they think they can make bank by outing the endangered and valuable animals we have, it’s easy to relocate the zoo.”
“Because magic?” I asked.
“Exactly,” he replied, ignoring the thread of skepticism in my tone. “That means it isn’t the end of the world if that happened, though it is a pain in the arse. But second…let me ask you a question. Speaking of reality shows, say the Discovery Channel put out a call to replace Steve Irwin when he passed. Imagine they had a line out the door,” he said with a gesture, “of people who thought they had the skill and natural talent to replace him, to take on everything he’d been doing his whole life. How many do you reckon would lose an arm, a leg, or their life, by the end of the day?”
My lips parted in surprise and I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re saying people from…wherever…they’re just as dumb as humans, but they’re worse, because they actually think they can handle these things.”
Andrew pointed the pen at me. “Things. Exactly. You called them things. Suzanne and her friends grew up with them and would call them animals. These animals have dispositions and temperaments that we’ve studied for as long as there have been scientists. Where Suzanne’s from, they know the weaknesses of these animals, and also they’re in enclosures here, even if you and I can’t see the walls because they’re invisible things called ‘wards’. If I hire someone who’s got magic on top of all that, they’ll have almost no instinctive fear.
“Everything here is nocturnal, and every one of them is a hunter. Some of these things? Humans see them and they pass out. Not that I want you passing out, but I need someone who is scared of these things, who knows to stay out of the enclosures no matter what. Not someone who thinks they can train them to do tricks, who gets close enough for them to grab a mouthful of hair and drown them. Once, we had a night shift manager injured, and once killed, because they didn’t take these animals seriously enough.”
Thinking back to the Sea World orca incident I knew he’d been referencing, I remembered wondering how someone at that level of her profession could be so careless as I watched the video on YouTube. It made sense when he explained it like that. I hesitated before mentally throwing my hands up and going all in. “So, why put this place here, then? If they’re endangered and also dangerous, why have a zoo at all instead of just a small reserve?”
He pursed his lips, looking disappointed in me. “Ripley. You know that already. You already said as much.”
Thinking back through our conversation, I said, “The rich humans who pay top dollar to see supernatural animals.”
“Not humans,” he told me. “But people, yes, and they are rich, and they’re making donations and spending their money on a ticket here because everything we have is endangered.”
“So…”
I just let my voice trail off and my mind started to drift. Andrew remained silent, letting me do so. There’s that thing people say, ‘I believe that you believe it,’ which is just a kinder way of saying, ‘Bullshit.’ Parents say it about closet monsters. Psychologists say it to people who say they’ve been abducted and probed by aliens. I wanted to say it to Andrew.
But I also wanted a job. If it meant working overnight at an empty zoo, that was fine. When it came down to it, especially when I took the tone of our conversation into account, this was a zoo specifically focused on preserving endangered ‘animals’, and it was allegedly doing important work. Also, if this turned out to be the real deal and I started seeing the animals, I would deal with it, just like I would deal with an enclosure that had a lion or tiger or gorilla. If it came with a ghost and invisible creatures, I really didn’t see what the difference was, if I couldn’t go in the enclosures either way.
On that note, I’d like you to imagine a kid who looks at a roller coaster, watching everyone screaming and grinning as they go up and down and all around and they’re like, ‘Heck, I could do that! That looks like a blast!’
Then they get on, the first drop hits, and they realize they’ve made a terrible mistake.
“All right,” I sighed. “I can’t say I’m going to turn down a job just because it’s going to be scary. Especially not one with this paycheck.”
Andrew smiled. “Awesome. There’s an adjustment process for anyone working here, similar to a dog that gets adopted, actually. I know the general guidelines of, ‘three days, three weeks, three months’ in terms of milestones, until they finally feel they’re where they’re supposed to be,” he told me, “and you can think of your time here along those lines. I really think you’re a great fit, and once you reach the milestone of working here for three months, I’ll officially consider you our new night shift guard. And I hope you’ll stay with us for many years.”
I nodded and smiled at the flattery of an employer wanting me to work a great job for them for a long time. I’d never had a dog, but those milestones were well-known among anyone who knew animals, especially dogs. The first three days, the dog is getting to know its new digs, exploring, and decompressing. At three weeks, they’ve gotten used to their environment and are starting to get comfortable with their surroundings and the routines of the humans they live with. By three months, they know the rules and follow them, they trust you, and they feel they are where they’re meant to be. I could only hope to be so lucky.
I saw the ghost two days ago and she has yet to make another appearance (for those who are curious, I asked, and her name is Leila), and I still hadn’t seen any animals. I did hear one, though, I feel compelled to note. A growling roar sounded from the lake on occasion, echoing across the vast zoo, sending a shiver down my spine. Whatever that animal was, it sounded gigantic.
Andrew said there was apparently a group that wanted to visit for a birthday and they were offering a huge donation, so he let me know they were making an exception and that this group would be walking through the park that night. That meant I’d be watching people watching animals that, as far as I could tell, weren’t there.
It was anticlimactic. Even the three people who came for the tour just looked like people, not like aliens or something eldritch from another dimension, and I stayed in the security office the whole time. Andrew was the one giving the tour. I watched them spend about five minutes at each enclosure, the hour or so that they were there passing without incident. It was clear that they were able to see all the animals, though, since they motioned excitedly at each enclosure and spoke to Andrew, who presumably answered any questions they had.
If they could see the animals, that was that. There was still that niggle in the back of my head, from my twenty-three years of life never encountering anything like ghosts or cryptids, telling me that this was ridiculous. Waiting for someone to knock on the door, a camera mounted on their shoulder, to tell me that it was a big joke and they wanted to see how long I’d play along. But from all I saw, this was a real place with real, invisible animals.
I do carry a taser and pepper spray in my capacity as a security guard. Though it isn’t for the animals, since they’re in the enclosures; they’re actually for the rare instance of a break-in. Andrew mentioned that it had happened several times it the past, someone trying to steal an animal in the hopes of selling it on the black market. They’d been successful before, but apparently my predecessor Roger was good at his job, and mostly they left in handcuffs.
I’ll be honest, I’m not a huge fan of confrontation, but my job was to call Andrew and then confront the person, not kick their ass. That’s what the police were for, or rather, the people Andrew would call in lieu of police in certain situations.
Fifty bucks an hour. That’s the key here.
Andrew hadn’t set up direct deposit, since he was sticking with a strategy of waiting to see if I’d continue to work there once I found out myself dealing with the animals (I’ve decided I am going to just call them animals). Instead, I got an old-fashioned check after my shift every Friday. The number on the first check was delightful. I went out that evening and had a big dinner at the local diner, order my most expensive favorites on the menu and a big slice of pie for dessert.
When it came to the paychecks in general, though, I had this weird feeling of not wanting to tell my dad and brother about the fact that it was actually $50/hr. I previously mentioned that my dad, his name’s Nathan if you’re curious, works at a local grocery store. Our town has a couple food franchises, but I think its size is just short of whatever threshold Walmart uses to decide where to open. He earns $14/hr. and that’s after the tiny raises he’s gotten over the past thirteen years.
That’s not to say he’d feel bad about not making as much as me. On the contrary, he would be ecstatic for me and really proud. But, like me, he’d be suspicious. That hourly rate was the biggest hint that this was more than just a private zoo for cryptids. And as soon as that fat check cleared without problems, my dad wouldn’t be satisfied with reassurances; he’d want to come visit the zoo and look around.
I’d told him it’s a private preservation with scheduled (expensive) visits only and that it had only eleven animals, so he’d been appeased by me brushing off the idea of a visit. Also, I took a few photos of my workplace; one of the security room, one of me sitting in my chair, one photo of the many screens I watched, and a selfie where I was feigning sleep out of boredom, slouched in my chair with my mouth open in a faux snore. That let him feel like he knew where I was and what I was doing, and that I was safe.
But if I told him I was making double what he thought, my father would practically order me to quit. No job was worth my safety, he’d tell me. I was quite of the opposite opinion, however, considering how crucial any and all conservation efforts were these days. Especially with the steep extinction levels due to humans competing with other animals for space, not to mention climate change. Working in any job that helped preserve species and keep ecosystems in balance, or put them back in balance, was so important.
Then again, my father would also point out something I had realized right away: the fact was that I was working with endangered species that were not from Earth. I wasn’t helping my planet. To be honest, though…that didn’t matter to me. Especially after that talk with Andrew about why he hired a human for this job, I figured whichever dimension these animals came from had the equivalent of us, razing forests to the ground, clouding the planet with pollution, and leaving the animals with no avenue of recourse when yet more land was taken from them.
I really do hope to keep working here for a long time, though, and not just because of the money. I can’t help it; I want to know what these things were, and I want to work with them, to do the job of a zookeeper. The same way you go up to the chain-link fence to get close to a carnivore on the other side who thinks you’d make a nice afternoon snack. You just want to be closer to them, to experience that incredible, daunting feeling of being in their presence.
Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long before I got what I wanted.
The day after we had the tour go through, I was doing my sweep when I saw the ghost again. She was sitting on a small boulder in the same area I’d seen her the first time, looking identical, blood covering the front of her slashed shirt, the wounds visible underneath. I stopped and stood there for a moment before I decided to raise my hand in a small wave.
The young woman cocked her head at me and raised a hand in the air in an imitation of my gesture, her expression showing a bit of curiosity.
She was low-key, seemingly not concerned with my presence, looking at me as a novel phenomenon in her world. I wondered what that world consisted of. Was she always here, sometimes visible and sometimes not? Or did she have another world next to ours, in the ether, where she left everything in this world behind and floated in her disembodied form? Did she still feel emotions? Was that really curiosity on her face, or was I projecting? Did she feel happiness? Fear? Did she have the option of moving on, or was she stuck here?
Many questions that I might never get the answers to. And that was assuming Andrew knew the answers, since I’d never met Suzanne Cooper and he hadn’t even mentioned that possibility. This place was clearly her baby, but I’m sure running it was a lot of work. Plus, if she was rich enough to own it, she was rich enough to have other businesses and charities to run.
When it comes to the enclosures, they’re all wrapped by a barrier of some kind, though never one that seems adequate. There was not a single place with the ugly metal weavings of a chain-link fence, and no stretches of circular razor wire. Instead, there are nice fences. Black iron, or wrought steel fencing in a similar style to the one circling the perimeter of the zoo, just shorter and with different patterns. Or a spaced picket fence, the wood stained in some tone of brown, or a split two-rail fence. As if to say, ‘This is the border of your enclosure, but we’re just letting you know out of courtesy.’
When I started to pass enclosure number seven last night, a young woman’s voice spoke, “Hello.”
I startled, unaware that I hadn’t been alone. “Oh. Hi,” I said, staring at her standing a few yards in.
She had been next to a large tree and I hadn’t seen her. This enclosure was behind a picket fence, and she walked through the large area of wild grasses and flowers that stretched across the other side of the fence. There were fewer tall grasses closer to the fence, which I guessed was because it had been tromped down by her regular pacing along it when there were visitors, or if she wanted to see the various enclosures of the zoo. Her sudden appearance was a bit weird, considering I had been expecting to see a cryptid and instead I was looking at, it seemed, an attractive Asian woman.
She wore a black kimono, the soft silk robe draped gently over her body, with beautiful patterns of cherry blossoms, more so over her left side, and red and blue birds with their wings spread. A sash wrapped around her abdomen, she wore socks and sandals on her feet, and her hair was up in those rolls that gave volume to the style.
I was no expert on any fashion, much less that of another country, so I just assumed it was all traditional Japanese clothing. Most likely, the visitors who came liked to see a certain time-honored style and that’s what she stuck with. Or maybe she played on stereotypes. That would be amusing.
“I’m Yui. It’s nice to meet you,” she spoke, arriving at the border of the fence and holding out a hand for me to shake.
I’d been standing about three yards away from her, and I’ll be honest, muscle memory tried to kick in. But I only made it two steps, my hand starting to rise, before I froze, the hand falling limply at my side. “Nice to meet you, too,” I answered, my voice quiet.
Damn. I wonder how many times that honey trap works back where she comes from.
The pleasant look on her face faded, and she lowered her hand. “You won’t shake hands with me? Isn’t that rude?”
“I mean, I kind of like my hand where it is. You know, attached to me.”
Her demure smile widened into something more amused. “I would never do something so revolting.”
Looking her up and down, as if more visual information would give me more knowledge of what she was, I asked her, “What would you do?”
“I would be less wasteful,” she said softly.
A finger of ice trailed down my spine, and I had the sudden image in my head of her grabbing my outstretched hand in an iron grip and yanking me over the fence, leaving me to sprawl on the ground. Then killing and consuming me efficiently, without a single careless step, the same way humans slaughtered pigs, using everything from the hog but the squeal. I was struck with a shiver at the idea of her consuming everything from me but my screams.
Slowly, I took one step further down the path, then another. Just as I got to a walking pace, though, I realized the woman had started walking too, in the same direction. I’d have eventually gotten to the end of her enclosure and keep going, leaving her behind, but she spoke up. “Are you leaving?”
I came to a stop, meeting her gaze again. “My job is to walk the zoo every hour. Then I’ll get back to the security room and stay there until my next walk.”
“Have you met the others yet?”
I hesitated before saying, “Just Leila.”
She blinked languidly. “That means nobody welcomed you here.”
“Andrew did.”
She didn’t reply to that. Instead, she slowly started to lean forward, and I flinched backward a few steps further as I saw insect legs start curling out from her back.
No. Not insect. Arachnid.
The eight legs ended in small ‘paws’ with tiny claws, a layer of hairs covering the leg from top to bottom, like any typical tarantula. I took two more slow steps back and my mouth went dry as the jointed legs just kept lengthening, until they were large enough to lever her off the ground.
My gaze had been on the spider legs, but my heart skipped a beat as I realized her human legs had melded together and turned into a bulging abdomen. Her skin was shifting to a carapace, eventually all the way up to her shoulders and down her arms, her fingers elongating and her nails stretching to claws. From there down, her body was that of a pale tarantula with pedipalps the size of my arms and piercing fangs in her jaws that looked like they could take my head off.
There was a moment, my vision blurring, where I was worried that I might piss myself. The part of my brain that still had its humor intact in that moment told me that I should keep an emergency set of clothes in my car, or at the very least, start wearing Depends to work.
“I show you my true form,” she said softly, her voice now raspy like an eighty-year-old after a lifelong smoking habit. “Welcome to Suzanne Cooper’s zoo. The night shift guard for many years was Roger, before he retired and the zoo moved, and I miss him dearly. What should I call you?”
I choked on my words. There was no way my throat was going to cooperate enough for me to clearly get a sentence out. Instead, I realized my legs had taken control of the situation themselves, unsatisfied with my conscious brain’s decision to stand and stare, taking steps backward. I backed up a yard, then five yards, then ten.
My mind focused on the fact that spiders don’t waste anything, and pictured my demise. I’d be wrapped in a cocoon, killed, and made nice and mushy before she had me for dinner.
The whole time, my brain was a frenzied mess, my pupils were probably the size of dimes, and I was staring at that tiny, pathetic fence between her and me. There was so much adrenaline pumping through my body that I felt like my bones were vibrating. The fence was, to my eyes, the only thing between us. The only thing keeping her from tackling and killing me. My only hope was that she’d do it quickly.
But she didn’t move. As I absorbed her innocent, polite words, the look on her face was calm, and I wondered if this was typically the way a conversation went before she devoured her prey. I wondered how many people she’d eaten. Not humans, not people from Earth, but the ones from where she came from. The fact that she doesn’t scare the shit out of those people means they’re staggeringly dumber than humans.
Finally, I rounded a corner, both relieved at having her out of my sight and worried that she would take that moment to come find me. When she’d been within eyeshot, I had at least known where she was and could run in the other direction. But I didn’t hear the sound of faint footsteps moving rapidly toward me. All was quiet, in that deep, smothering way that only an empty business in the middle of the night in small town America could be.
My hands trembling, I barely paid attention to anything but the confirmation that my surroundings were free of the colossal spider as I finally got back to the door. Grabbing the handle and letting my eyes dart around for about ten seconds and my ears prick for the slightest sound, I finally swiped my key card across the pad and went inside, shutting the door behind me and engaging the backup deadbolt.
Maybe that was why they had decided on keycards. If I was running from something and panicking, using an actual key or inserting the card like at a hotel would keep me from getting to safety considering my hands were shaking enough to mix a margarita.
Walking over to my chair, I fell into it, letting my body flush itself of terror as I looked up at the cameras. There she was, still in arachnid form, exactly where I’d left her behind that rinky-dink fence, casually looking around and slowly pacing back and forth. I stared at her as my racing heart gradually slowed, and a minute or so later she turned on her eight legs and walked back into the trees.
Whatever invisible fences the enclosures have apparently work, which is nice, because I wasn’t keen on getting killed by one of the creatures here. And that’s what brings me here, spilling out everything that’s happened so far. Because nearly passing out from terror isn’t something I wanted to deal with at work, obviously, but I keep going over what she did in my head again and again, and I feel like I reacted like a child who spotted a wolf spider on their bed. I started to worry for my overactive sense of self-preservation, at least in my capacity as an employee here.
The spider didn’t even try to hurt me, and so I was feeling a bit foolish. Even annoyed, actually, at the fact that I’d freaked out so hard and took off instead of trying to engage in at least basic conversation. I got the sense that she wasn’t at human-level intelligence, but I was never going to be able to hold any level of conversation with an alligator.
Sure, she did mention that she wouldn’t be so crass as to yank off my hand because she’d rather just have my entire corpse, but wouldn’t a wolf do the same if it was hungry? Wouldn’t any carnivore? Actually, they probably would’ve been satisfied with one of my hands. The fear here was from the fact that she turned into a giant spider. If she’d turned into Clifford, I would’ve reacted the same way, if not better than, meeting Leila.
With that, I decided I’m staying on the job. Considering how frustrated I can get with foolish people, it’s a bit hypocritical, and I’m being a bit of an idiot. But…there are definitely wards keeping them in their enclosures. Also, I signed up for creatures for another dimension, whether or not I believed in them at the time, and I will not let encountering my first one in an objectively boring way be the reason I quit.
The money is a factor, I’ll grant you. Of course it is. And I can’t spend it if I’m dead, but all signs point to surviving as long as I don’t do anything dumb. Also, yes, I’ll admit there’s a not-so-little voice in the back of my head that’s desperate to know what else is here. I never thought I’d do something like this, but finding out these things are real, I honestly do want to learn more about them.
Still, though, I decided to call Andrew at the end of my shift to ask if the pepper spray and taser I carried worked on a certain spider, as well as the other animals I’d yet to meet.
​
Previous
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/storiesbykaren

This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
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Memory transcription subject: Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
The reveal of the Arxur's assistance of Earth was a unsettling, but mostly overlooked note to add to the headlines filling news sites today on Venlil Prime.
UNKNOWN SHIP DEVASTATES FEDERATION FLEET ABOVE EARTH, HUMANITY LIVES
While the ship wasn't currently unknown to us, given the UN's report, General Kam had advised that it would be better left unspoken of what capabilities we did know, so as to not worry the populace. "Leave causing panic to the humans" he said. But I heard the worries and anxious rumors throughout both social media and verbal conversations...
"That ship destroyed an ENTIRE fleet!?"
"Oh Protector, please tell me its not an Arxur vessel..."
"Why don't we know more?"
I couldn't help but feel for my people. I came to disagree with Kam's advice more and more, as I wished desperately to allay their fears of it being an Arxur superweapon, or that it was going to destroy us soon, or other similar worries.
Are you so sure yourself, Tarva? Even the UN government is scared of it, and it supposedly was made by a future Humanity...
I tried not to focus on that pang of paranoia. I just hoped soon enough the UN would make a statement on the Nemesis already. As I accompanied Noah to the UN's remembrance speech today, I did my best to scan for the feelings worn on peoples faces. The Venlil were unsettled as before, but the human refugees were an odder story altogether.
They were devastated, and scared as well as us Venlil were. But on top of it, I could see a common face worn of confusion. The information disambiguation hadn't made its way to Venlil Prime like it had Earth, and as such they were as much in the dark as the public here was. I could only imagine their uncertainty, knowing their race was likely saved by something they had no idea about.
Noah spoke out of nowhere. "I feel for the refugees here. Forced to an unfamiliar place, so unofficially hostile to them, and now they learn of Nemesis like this? I'd be as confused as them in their place." He checked his suit, attending to shift it so slightly as to make him look better in it. "I also can't imagine your opponents didn't run the whole ball with their existence here, too. Are we taxing you harshly, Tarva?"
I gripped his hand tighter. "No, Noah. While there are those that want you off-planet, I will not let them kick you off. I'll fight for you, no matter the cost."
"Seems like anywhere we go, we cause a fight some way or another. Pops always said space was our ticket to a better future, yet all we seem to cause is trouble for merely existing."
"Noah, its not your people's fault we're afraid of you. The Arxur are to blame for that, and we're at fault for holding it against you. What happened to Earth was not your doing, you tried your best, and it just was not convincing enough for millennia of cultural momentum."
He smiled at that, a muted, but still genuine smile. "Thank you Tarva. I'm glad you see the best in us, even when we don't."
I continued to scan the crowd, looking for the sight of Meier. He always seemed alight in diplomacy whenever he was around, it was a strength of his, outshining the room like that. I could only hope he was doing okay in the current state of Earth. The last time we talked, he seemed very tired, very...frustrated with everything.
But I was glad to see him in some his element soon after, amongst a group of dignitaries from other Federation species. He seemed to be listening to a Mazic diplomat, one I remembered by the name of Cupo. Sadly, however, despite Meier's attempt, it seems the conversation was not on a good track.
"-they're a menace to the rest of the galaxy, and you just let them in, not so soon after this ship blindsided an entire Federation fleet out of nowhere!?"
Meier dejectedly sighed. "Cupo, I thought I already told you, when the Arxur showed up, we had no capability to tell them to take a hike. They were ten-thousand strong and we barely managed several hundred ships left. That they even engaged in dialogue rather than just subjugation was a surprise to me."
"That doesn't make much sense either, Elias Meier. Since when do the Arxur play merciful? You're not telling us something here, and it curls my trunk in knots. How can we trust you when you can't even give us the details on what that ship is, or why the Arxur even showed up in its stead?"
The Mazic was not interested in Meier's friendly act, not giving any room for benefit of the doubt. The other diplomats crowded around began to mumble in agreement, as Meier stood there, formulating some response.
"What we do know about the ship and the Arxur, we'll clear up publically later in this event. But neither were expected by us, you have to believe me. Humanity is just as confused as you all are on the results of that battle, and-"
Cupo interrupted this time, clearly not willing to hear an explanation out. "You're running out of trust, Human. We think you ought to be given a chance; as the empathy studies show, you're not the Arxur. But associating with them as you are, with little transparency is not doing you favors with us, and if you want further association with us, you'd best cut ties with those monsters sooner, rather than later." The Mazic's ears hung in displeasure, and I could sense the nervousness in Meier as he stood down one of the races in the room far bigger than he was. Whether Cupo knew it or not, Meier was intimidated by his presence, and was trying to keep it cool to some degree. "We'll at most help with the Gojid refugees at the moment, as they've suffered both of your kind, but beyond that, consider it on hold until that problem is resolved."
They walked away, and some of the alien crowd amongst them followed. The only ones still sticking around seemed to be a Yotul diplomat, a Nevok, and a Fissan. The latter two stuck obviously to discuss more trade details, seeking to cut the other off from Earth to a degree in hopes of exploiting the system, but the Yotul was a surprise. I didn't even realize they had sent one this way.
Given the relatively new uplift of their world, I didn't imagine the Yotul having much stake or spread throughout the galaxy, so how did humanity...?
Meier turned to him. "Ah...Ambassador Laulo, I'm sorry you had to see that. We're...not doing so hot in the grand scheme of things, and some relations are boiling over as a result."
Laulo enthusiastically shook his head in denial. "No, it's okay! I understand the feeling of that persecution, even if it's for a different reason. Feels like the galaxy kicking you while you're already down."
"I appreciate any help we can get in regards to this. You're one of the very few races left that's pledged some sense of unconditional aid. I promise, with all I have in my power, I'll try and return the favor-Tarva!" Elias noticed my presence at last. "I...uh, how long have you been standing there?..."
"Long enough to hear most of it. I'm sorry the more neutral species aren't helping any, Meier. But that's not why I'm here, specifically. We need to talk about the human refugees."
Meier looked at me funny with that statement, as if he wasn't expecting something out of me. "I see...I hope it's not anything too bad, is it?"
I silently cringed at the exact words. Noah filled in the details in my stead. "Meier, the refugees here are seeing images of Earth, of those not too horribly in shock to do anything, there's been an uptick in suicides...a massive uptick. They aren't aware of the full story, due to the Venlil government's reluctance to publish the report sent here publicly. This remembrance speech better give the people here a semblance of peace, of stability, because there's an extreme lack of morale left in the camps."
Meier grimaced and scanned the crowd, glancing at the humans that were here. I assume he too could see how dejected many were, how many seemed at the end of their rope, coming here for the slightest hint of hope left in their lives at the news. They would need some good news, or there was a chance some wouldn't be here tomorrow.
I felt for them. They didn't deserve this, and our intentional censor of the details, so that Meier could deliver the news likely didn't help with the rates.
"I get that Noah. I really do. What happened at Earth was a tragedy, and the death toll is nearly 800 million. You could likely gather a group of ten or so humans from anywhere, and one of them lost someone close to them. I'll...do my best to raise their spirits, there's plenty to talk about here. The alien diplomats just aren't making this easy..." Meier gestured to the clearly forming bloc of neutral species dignitaries that gathered in the room. They did not seem to want to talk further on any support of Earth until some demands were met, mostly on why things were kept so information-blackout heavy at first. The speech would have to be twofold, at raising human refugees' spirits, and at convincing some of the touchy species to support Earth.
His work was cut out for him.
"Did you wish for any assistance on that front, Meier?" Noah offered. His kindness shone through even in the depths of despair that wore
itself on humanity currently. His soul was purely sweet and kind, regardless of his predator disposition, I so deeply respected that about him.
They began to talk shop, Noah mentioning his current experiences with human refugees upon Venlil Prime, and what topics Meier ought to add on and hit on in his speech. As rushed of advice as it was, Meier seemed determined to fit it in somehow, but I knew he had a silver tongue, his capability to navigate and convince was downright bewildering, present company excepted of course. Nothing would get those species over his diet anytime soon, so I could only hope he could appeal to their empathy as another sentient in this case.
I believed in them. If anyone could turn the state of the galaxy around, it would be these two.
Memory transcription subject: Dorian Abder, Commons Member of Parliament
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
I sat on my desk, watching out the window of my office at the Westminster Palace, reminiscing on the sad scene outside. Another body under cloth cover, wheeled out on a stretcher from a home surrounded by paramedics. Another swept up in despair, seeing the state of our beautiful planet, of our populace, so brutally scarred, enough to take their own life.
How many was it, so far? Nearly a half-percent suicide rate for every hundred thousand in England? More than eight times the highest resting rate in our entire history. And we were hardly hit in comparison to the rest of the world...how are they doing if it's this bad here?
I leaned back in my chair, back cracking in old age, forcing myself away from the scene outside. I tried to not think about it, just tried to focus again on my work. On the coordination efforts with the UN, the Arxur, and any other races seeking to help. But it was a mountain of work ahead, a peak of papers I could barely see myself climbing in an entire week, let alone the mere day it was handed down here.
We've all lost someone. Not a single soul hasn't been touched by the Federation's bombing.
I thought about how the targeting of cities took. How they focused so heavily on Africa and Asia, the most booming corridors of population on Earth. How they erased 78 cities from existence before their fleet was devastated by The Sword. They weren't aiming to cripple humanity, on industrial depots and power plants, but to exterminate us. They aimed for the most populated cities first, before taking potshots at what remained.
Being put to the death by The Sword serves them right, they deserved judgement by that blade for what they had done.
Or, rather, the Nemesis, as reports had given us. A human ship, but not quite our humanity. A time traveler conveniently sent here by accident, saving us from extinction. An AI piloted ship that sought now to reunite with Earth having defended us. Given what remained of our Guardian Angel, I sought to do everything I could to make their welcome home a celebration, for they defended humanity in our darkest hour.
I recalled my journeys around the globe as a younger man. How my endless wanderlust took me to every corner of the globe in the wake of the Satellite Wars. How the global power vacuum led to so much relief efforts, as the less-touched nations finally had room to breathe, the canopy of carefully controlled superpowers no longer eating up their light needed to grow. How African countries like South Africa and Niger found themselves expanding to match the designation of First World. How beautiful the Seychelles were to see in person.
How my volunteering in the UN's Unfurled Umbrella Initiatives after the Treaty of Shanghai took me to the partially collapsed countries amidst Asia. How Tokyo, despite its immense infrastructure failure, dragged itself back to a powerhouse of a city, as Japan built for itself after so long. How China's government reformed into a Republic after the post-war coups, and how Taiwan finally opened its heart more to them for it. How Beijing found itself all the stronger for adversity.
How the South and Central Americas found themselves no longer under the impressive hand of the United States' geopolitical influence. How the first Diaspora vessels took off from Argentina, seeking to establish a government sentenced only to the annals of history on Earth upon the distant surfaces of Mars. How they were so determined to prove the world wrong on its presuppositions of how a place should be ruled, free of the influence of bullying countries. And how their dream led to the now Martian Collective.
I thought of all the other places the UN took me. Of Cairo, and its deep connection to our most prominent civilization of the ancient past. Of Istanbul, to see the beauty of mixing Christian and Islamic influence over centuries of swapping hands. Of the stunning ports of Singapore, an industrial powerhouse of a nation, so tightly packed into one single city. Of the stunning silver forest of skyscrapers that was New York City, still kicking even after the devastation of the Satellite Wars. Mumbai, Baghdad, Lagos, Mogadishu, Guadalajara, Rio De Janeiro, Berlin. How I drank in all the beauty and magnificent history and culture of the world, and was all the fuller a person for it. These and so many more.
I thought of the honey farmer I met by the Saigon River; how Châu Được's family had kept the traditional job going for so long, and divinely sweet their harvest was they shared with me. I thought of Dari Qazi, how the humble Afghani-borne man had found himself at the forefront of a secular revolution in Pakistan, reaching unrivaled progress not seen since the 1980's. I remembered the ambitious young woman in Monterrey, Mexico, who talked to me of her dreams to build spaceships for the Diaspora program, how she wished dearly she could leave a mark on history, and how now her name was on the finest rockets of the age.
All gone. Dust on the wind. Atomized debris now. Their homes, their families, their history gone, according to reports of which cities have evaporated to bedrock.
Thousands of years of history, erased in moments by antimatter over Rome. Los Angeles was reduced to the basin it was built on those long years ago in America. Cape Town's hard fought for progress from humble beginnings to the most populous and prosperous city in all of Africa, wiped from the record in an instant. Seven-hundred and eighty million dead in the span of an hour.
All those years spent, traveling around the world, drinking in the sights, to know they will never return. To know they are gone and buried, snuffed out by a bloody cruel universe, filled with utterly contemptible aliens. A deep voice spoke inside me on a loop, constantly asking an enraging question.
"Did it all mean nothing to you, Dorian?"
There was only one answer I considered giving to that accusation. To the monsters that took so many lives and homes from humanity, merely for having the gall to eat differently. What answered back blistered with hatred, yet kept frigidly focused.
"It meant everything to me."
Something clicked inside; the Federation wouldn't get away with this. We deserved justice. I rustled through my desk drawers, looking for old contacts from my political days. The stacks of papers on my desk could wait, this was more important. I needed to make some calls. Humanity deserved better, and I knew just how we could get it. But it would require a far more coordinated effort than just me. No, it needed a movement.
The galaxy will hear us. One way or another, we deserve justice. And we have just the circumstances to deliver it...
Memory transcription subject: Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
"-the sting of these days will someday pass. Maybe not in the near future, maybe not even in our lifetime, but we will one day no longer feel his pain, this suffering. Until that day comes, we will not go gently into that dark night, we will live on, mourn our dead, defend those still living, and make humanity known to the galaxy that it will not roll over when faced with such hostility. To those who support us even now, I thank you deeply to the core, and ask for a moment of silence to those lost both above and on Earth...to those who would stand with the Federation, who did so cruelly act upon us, we urge you to reconsider, and turn away, for we bring not a olive branch, but a sword. Those species governments that did this will not get away with this, and those who stood aside and watched...either choose a side, or be labeled on one for your inaction. Thank you."
Meier finished his speech with that, and some applause was heard from human refugees amidst the crowd, but a majority remained mostly quiet, in remembrance of the lives lost. A good majority of the dignitaries from the Federation neutral races had already left by this point, so the pointed message at the end likely missed them personally, even if they listen in later. It was a good speech, but it felt...infused with something that was clearly not Meier's normal calm. It was like seeing a side I had never seen with him before, not rant-angry, but mad nevertheless, hidden behind a veneer of diplomatic politeness.
Noah put it in terms I thought best as Meier walked off stage. "You're a bit more of a firebrand than I thought Meier, but nevertheless a good speech! I'm glad you tied in what advice I could give for the refugees here so smoothly."
Meier smiled at that, a cathartic smile that spoke of being proud of what he delivered just a moment ago. I could only imagine he was aching with tension over the pain of so much loss of life, it was only fair that he be angry at the galaxy at large for it, and make it heard.
"Thank you, Noah. I sincerely mean every word of it. The Federation must not escape scot-free for what they have done, and already now at home we're preparing to bring the fight back to them." He looked at me. "We'll...obviously not go as far as the Federation did, but I speak for everyone in that humanity is not happy, and it shows. Even the refugees that came here looking a mere instant from giving up seem a bit resolved now to that goal. I just wish more were on our side to start...I never wanted war, but the galaxy's forcing it."
"I'm so sorry, Meier. My deepest sympathies for how the galaxy has treated you and yours. Despite the hiccups recently, I guarantee we'll still remain close allies; humanity deserves nothing less."
The remainder of the species in the remembrance assembly started to funnel out; it was mostly just humans and Venlil at this point, but a few stuck around. The Yotul ambassador, Laulo, was an obvious one amongst the stragglers, clearly meaning to talk with Meier and us further. As the room became more and more empty he walked over to us once again.
"Meier! Your speech was wonderful, full of spice and vigor, yet calming all the same. It was like a call to arms while smoking spiritwood. The Federation stragglers hopefully will reconsider!"
I felt a little weirded out by his choice of focus in the speech on The Federation, rather than humanity, but I responded in Meier's stead positively: "Yes, Meier's an expert in political and social matters. Anyways, what did you want? You seem to be just hanging around, waiting for a moment here."
"Ah...yes, about that..." Ambassador Laulo nervously tugged at his uniform. "I was sent here initially just in good faith for humanity, as we knew what it must've felt like for the Federation to bully you so immensely. But this second visit, to the gala itself...we actually want to propose something to Humanity and the Venlil, but I wanted to wait for Federation sympathizing eyes and ears to be far away from here first."
He looked somewhat desperate, but resolved. "We're planning on breaking off from the Federation. Their influence on our planet is awful, given what they've done to us during the uplift. They seek to repress our culture, they constantly call us backward, and primitive, hardly capable of thinking for our own in this galaxy. We're tired of it, but we still are partially relying on their technological development to get to this point, and we don't have a proper fleet made. Your space is closest to ours, and we hoped-"
Meier finished "-that'd we begin our war fronting towards Leirn first? Free your people from the Federation? I'll gladly bring it up with our military advisors. You helped us, we help you back."
Laulo sighed in relief at that, a huge weight taken off their shoulders. "T-thank you. Thank you so much for this. Leirn has sought to be free of their grasp ever since we learned their intentions were not pure. You've been the first species to actually care to some degree, and were our only hope out of this mess."
"Don't thank us just yet. If you'd like to get in contact with our military, I can set you up with some Generals and your government as a liason for the war. You can coordinate anything on your side of the bargain to us through them, and make this smoother." Meier handed him a card, and waved over a human attendant of his to Laulo. She talked with him as the two walked away, and Meier remained.
Noah turned to me, a warm hand scruffing my fur. "I know the state of things doesn't look too great, love, but it could be so much worse. We'll make due with what we can get, and hopefully the galaxy will be a better place for it. Don't worry, all will be well someday."
I believed him. Who wouldn't believe in humanity?
First Prev Next (soon)

May ROTMs have landed and a few of us are waiting on some mystery bundles. The records I've seen on the most tables are Little Richard with it's slick jacket and Earl Sweatshirt. Clint Black, Alice Coltrane, and Don Blackman are all spinning around as well.
A reminder for ROTMs: Moving forward, newly released ROTMs are going to be exclusive to memberships and swaps for 3 months. For example, our May ROTMs will not be available in store until August. With this in mind, anything within 3 months of release is a "good deal." Other titles can be used with store discount codes, so you may be able to get them cheaper in the store. We're getting our first release of ROTMs with way, with January titles hitting the store.
Bonus records are now gone, but referral codes can get you discounts on multi-month memberships if you're interested in joining. Don't forget to check the referral thread to grab a code or reach out to some individuals if you're considering a 3 ($20 off), 6 ($40 off), or 12 month ($80 off) plan. It's a win-win for everyone.
This month's preview focuses on the June Swap Preview. Remember that not all swaps are "good deals." Some titles cost less than the price of your subscription. Prices for store titles will be included, while past ROTMs range from $37 for some 1LPs to $41 for other 1 and 2LPs and $49 for other 2LPs for members. You can also click "Learn More" and see the member price in your swap preview. With the new titles in swaps, we're seeing values a lot closer to your monthly prices.
All value is based on the new add-on price ($36). If you previously bought a 3, 6, or 12-month subscription, you're at that price on your main track until that subscription ends (I think this is the last month for this). Swapping for credit will get you that old price, which is something to keep in mind at this point. Know your price and know your value. Your price may vary, depending on what subscription level you're at, so be aware of how much you're paying each month before swapping. In no way is this a judgment on the music, but I'm just trying to make sure members don't pay subscription prices for a record that is significantly cheaper in the store.
Titles are broken down into 4 categories (New/will go quickly, solid recent options that are good value, questionable value, and do not swap) themed for September ROTMs with examples from the current swap preview. There are still some great deals to be had, even if we aren't seeing the crazy anthology value.
As always, feel free to post questions about specific titles you may be interested in. The community is very knowledgeable about pressing details and sound. I'm sure a lot of members would be willing to share their reviews of the pressing quality, even if it's in a category that you may not agree with:
Isaac Hayes - Swap Moses: Let Swap Moses part the seas and guide you to the promised land. These titles are the best of the month. Be on to grab them ASAP! They could be a repress of past ROTMs that have been long gone or store titles that aren't around anymore. They're some of the community's favorites. Waitlisted titles under $36 are a gamble. Some stock could've been pulled back. Get them while you can!
Essentials: N/A
Classics: Nina Simone (waitlisted)
RHH: Wu Tang (waitlisted)
Country: N/A
Rock: Little Richard (was locked down from adding toward the end of last month. I'd lock this one in if you want it because I don't forsee it lasting past this month outside of TBT)
Dolly: New Harvest
Store Titles: The Story of Memphis Rap ($269), Yuji Toriyama ($35 but waitlisted), Sampha Unnumbered ($37 but waitlisted), Tony Rice ($35 but waitlisted), The Story of The Comedy Store ($199), Ted Lucas ($27 but waitlisted), ATCQ - Love Movement ($80)
Harry Nilsson - A Little Touch of Swaps in the Night: You won't have to be on quite as fast as other titles, but a touch of these swaps will make for a great month. We're starting to see them selling out a little faster, so if you're interested in something, it's probably a good idea to grab them in swaps. You may have had your eye on and now have some reviews to base your decision on. I don't expect a rush for these titles, but keep an eye on them as the swap window goes on and they may move to low stock. These are recent ROTMs (Past 6 Months Listed), recent represses you may have missed, or in-stock store titles listed for more than the price of your subscription or an add-on track that may be on your wishlist. I also added some that have been popular with VMP subscribers. These are pretty safe bets for the value of your subscription and our frequent swappers.
Essentials: Alice Coltrane (swap exclusive), Harry Nilsson (swap exclusive), Willie Nelson P&S (swap exclusive until July), Fleetwood Mac (now in store), Labelle (now in store), Herbie Hancock, Ray Charles, Ray Barretto, Santigold, Bone Thugs, Stevie Nicks
Classics: Don Blackman (swap exclusive), Oliver Nelson (swap exclusive) Gary Bartz (now in store), La Lupe (now in store), Hector Lavoe, The MarKeys/Booker T, David Porter, Hound Dog, Wynton Marsalis, McCoy Tyner, Thelonious Monk
RHH: Earl Sweatshirt - Doris (swap exclusive), O.C (now in store), Boogie Down Productions (now in store), Masta Killa, Lupe Fiasco, Run DMC, Aesop Rock, Atmosphere, Q-Tip, Goldlink
Country: Clint Black (swap exclusive), Alan Jackson (swap exclusive) Rodney Crowell (swap exclusive until July), Billy Joe Shaver (now in store), Guy Clark (now in store), Wille Nelson (& Family), John Prine, Bobbie Gentry, Waylon Jennings
Rock: Little Richard (swap exclusive), Stevie Ray Vaughn (swap exclusive), Heart (swap exclusive until July), The Replacements (swap exclusive until June)
Store Titles: Chromeo ($45) La the Darkman ($42), Usher - My Way ($53), Kronos Quartet ($40), Willie Nelson - I Don't... ($39), Kiefer ($42), Oneohtrix Point Never (Again $45), Sarah Evans ($39), JOHN ($40), Alicia Keys (Girl on Fire $43), Euphoria S1 ($42), Busta Rhyme ($40), First Choice ($40), Rexx Life Raj ($40), Wayne Shorter Live ($46), Moses Sumney (L@B $40), Alan Braufman ($58), Euphoria S2 ($42), T-Pain ($41), Saba - FGT ($46), Altopalo ($44), Fly Anakin ($41), Black Milk ($40), Mariah Carey - Butterfly ($48), Atmosphere ($43), Joe Bataan ($40)
Charlie Worsham - Swapperband: Like a rubberband, going for these titles is a stretch. You don't save any money (or very little), so be sure to think it through. Have you had your eye on this title for a while or are you just considering them due to the fact that they're in swaps? These titles are close to the price of an add-on track, so don't dive in without considering if you REALLY want them. Think twice about these titles and ask yourself "Would I buy this if it wasn't in swaps because I'm not saving money?" These are often labeled "Swap exclusives" and store titles around $36. It may be a tough decision to swap for these.
Store Titles: Jules ($35), John Glacier Surf Gang ($35), Honky Tonk Angels ($35), OFFAIR: Dr. No's Lost Beach ($35)
Big Pun - Swapital Punishment: Don't punish yourself (or your wallet) by going after these titles. These are titles that I'd encourage you to look elsewhere to purchase, wait for a sale, or buy for less on discogs. This is my personal Do Not Swap list. As an alternative swap for credit and buy in the store, go to Discogs to look for the same pressing at less than the price of your subscription (most applicable for past ROTMs), or wait for a sale. Take your time to find a deal, as these aren't going anywhere. Most of these titles have been around for a long time, and this is VMPs way of getting rid of extra stock while making a few extra bucks. This includes in-stock store titles under $35 and older ROTMs which have been around for years.
Essentials: Aaliyah, Torres, Lapsley, The Books, Kevin Morby, Silvertones, Townes Van Zandt, Experience Unlimited, Sleater Kinny, Jim Sullivan, Dirty Projectors, Beverly Glenn Copeland, Grizzly Bear, Caroline Rose (all showing for less than an add on track in US on Discogs)
Classics: Sarah Webster Fabio, Leon Ware, Frederick Knight, Isaac Hayes, Abbey Lincoln, Teddy Pendergrass, Charles Musselwhite, Sylvester (all showing for less than an add on track in US on Discogs)
RHH: Open Mike Eagle, Queen Latifah, Da Brat, Lord Finesse, Big Boi, Future, Nappy Roots, Eyedea & Abilities, Young MC, E-40, UGK, Gang Starr, J Dilla (all showing for less than an add on track in US on Discogs)
Country: Reba McIntyre, Sam Hunt, Loretta Lynn, Brad Paisley (all showing for less than an add on track in US on Discogs)
Store Titles: Blvck Svm and Pilotkid ($28), Babsy Konate ($25)

I'm alone. All my life I've been able to make friends. But I always lose them, in third grade, I lost my two best friends because they switched schools and we just fell out of touch, in fifth grade I lost all my friends except for three, though this was also because of them moving, I made more friends in sixth grade and we remained friends for a good while. Freshman year my best friend from kindergarten and I stopped talking, she texted me one day saying that she didn't actually like me, and she never wanted to talk to me again. That hurt a lot, I got over it in about eight months and eventually was able to stop thinking about her everyday, and seeing her at school didn't bother me as much.
February the next year came, one year since my previous best friend and I stopped talking, maybe it got in my head, and I had been starting to feel suffocated by my current best friend at the time, I loved her, but she kept hurting me by not acknowledging my presence when we were in groups, no matter how hard I tried to contribute to the conversation, she kept leaving me and I just wanted a break from feeling like I was nothing to her. I just wanted some space. But I totally went about it in the wrong way. I picked a fight for no reason and said some awful things that I regret with every fiber of my being. At first, we stopped talking for a couple weeks, and I made two new friends, but soon after my best friend sent me an email telling me everything that was wrong with me, overbearing, pushy, and more I can't remember well, and I agree with her now, I've grown a lot and if she had said those thing recently, I could have come to terms with what she was saying, the things she pointed out were valid points that I should have looked into more, but I got defensive, this was when I thought she didn't want to be friends anymore because it sounded like she hated so many things about me... then what was there to like?
She had texted me a night before and said that she wanted to talk to me, with a specific teacher as a mediator, I refused, I am a very very private person and I do not like to share my feelings with anyone I'm not used to being around, and I wasn't yet familiar with this teacher. I told my friend that if she really didn't want to be friends anymore, that I would respect her decision. I was trying to protect myself, trying to make sure I broke it off before she did, I hate that my brain went there immediately. I wish I had tried to fight for her. She screamed at me while I sat there in a sort of calm daze, which completely gave off the impression that I didn't care... but I cared so much, she told me that I was self-sabotaging and was throwing away something that hadn't gone bad, she was screaming so loud, a teacher came in and told he she was disrupting classes, she was escorted out of the room and I heard her crying, and as soon as she left the room I burst out in tears too.
Our mutual friends, which was only two people, but they were my only other friends, stopped talking to me, and only hung out with her, but we were never on bad terms. I am beginning to resent them though. We stopped talking completely and soon summer vacation came. My cat died, I moved out of my narcissistic mother's house to my Dad's house, and his girlfriend accused me of stealing money, which I didn't, but my father took her side anyway and the entire time I was there they kept trying to blame things on me, and continuously scorned me for being antisocial, so eventually I moved out again when my father and I got in a huge fight, and I haven't talked to him since. I worked 80 hour weeks during the summer at two jobs, trying to keep my mind off my friend, my dad, and stay away from my mom, but it was okay because I had three friends who were from Mongolia, and two friends who were from Turkey working the same exact hours as me. But near the end of the summer, my two Turkish friends and I decided to plan a trip to go to Florida, I asked my mom and after some convincing she finally agreed, we got plane tickets, booked hotels, got car rental stuff, but the night before I left, my mom told me I wasn't allowed to go anymore, she has done this multiple times, but not of this magnitude, I told her that we had already paid for everything, but she told me that if I left, she would call the cops on me.
So I texted my Turkish friends and I told them what happened, but they wouldn't believe me... they blamed me and said "did you tell your mom?" I told them that I did, but they swore that I was lying, they told everyone, including my three Mongolian friends, so in the last month that my foreign friends were in the country, they all hated me, treated me terribly, constantly gave me dirty looks, and were scornful. It broke my heart, especially because they were so kind before, if I can make the kindest person hate me... then what kind of monster am I?
Finally, I came back to school, and it was so much harder than I thought it would be, seeing her everyday, happy with her friends while I sat there, alone and in misery, I had a couple friends, but they weren't in many of my classes. I was able to hold out for so long. One day I just couldn't take it anymore. I just completely gave up, seeing her was too much to bear, she didn't care about me anymore, I didn't have any close friends, just people who wouldn't really care if I lived or died. Everyday was a struggle. I stopped going to school, stopped going to work, and just curled up in my bed and decided that I had enough. I was on a course to graduate that year, a whole year early which got screwed up as well, ruining my chances of doing so.
I skipped work for almost three weeks, but I eventually came back because my boss said she missed me and reassured me that no body was mad. I haven't been to school in about two months, I don't know how I could go back anymore, it would be humiliating... like, what would I say? What if people asked questions? I'd just come off as so pathetic. I've ruined my life, I have little chance of a diploma, and no chance if I don't go back, I've been labeled as "truancy" or whatever. I was also supposed to go to Spain and Italy for a school trip, but I wasn't able to go because of my lack of attendance, so I ended up wasting 4,000 dollars.
My two friends that I made after my last best friend and I broke up called the cops on me because she thought I was going to kill myself, and I was so mad and embarrassed I cried the whole way to the hospital with my mom in the car and was able to go back home after some tests, after I got home, I went off on them, I was so so upset, and I honestly still am, I know they were only doing what they thought best, but I told her that I didn't want to talk to her until she would apologize, because all she kept saying was "I'm sorry you feel that way" so I told her to stop apologizing for how I felt, and apologize for what she did. She didn't, so I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her until she apologized. And the other friend who was in on it too, I texted her angrily and she said "womp womp" I immediately blocked her, I was so mad, words cannot describe my level of fury at that moment. It wasn't funny, that was not the time for jokes.
I have no friends, only my narcissistic mother, I don't even have a father anymore, my oldest sister isn't in contact with him either, for a different reason... I've just been working, and trying not to think. But I can't take it anymore. Have I really screwed everything up? Is my life worth anything anymore? Friendship is dead. Family is overrated, and I have never been able to keep a friend, I do not want the pain of loosing another one, I have people who I enjoy being around, I have coworkers, I have my sisters, and I have two people I hang out with sometimes, but really, none of them are my friends. I never want to make another friend, I refuse, I know they consider me their friends, but if I put a real label on it, it'll hurt too much when they leave and begin to hate me. What do I do? Am I destined for failure? Why do I always end up alone? Not only does everyone hate me, but I'm hating myself more and more by the passing day. I don't know what to do... can somebody, anybody help me? I'm just so lost.

I'm alone. All my life I've been able to make friends. But I always lose them, in third grade, I lost my two best friends because they switched schools and we just fell out of touch, in fifth grade I lost all my friends except for three, though this was also because of them moving, I made more friends in sixth grade and we remained friends for a good while. Freshman year my best friend from kindergarten and I stopped talking, she texted me one day saying that she didn't actually like me, and she never wanted to talk to me again. That hurt a lot, I got over it in about eight months and eventually was able to stop thinking about her everyday, and seeing her at school didn't bother me as much.
February the next year came, one year since my previous best friend and I stopped talking, maybe it got in my head, and I had been starting to feel suffocated by my current best friend at the time, I loved her, but she kept hurting me by not acknowledging my presence when we were in groups, no matter how hard I tried to contribute to the conversation, she kept leaving me and I just wanted a break from feeling like I was nothing to her. I just wanted some space. But I totally went about it in the wrong way. I picked a fight for no reason and said some awful things that I regret with every fiber of my being. At first, we stopped talking for a couple weeks, and I made two new friends, but soon after my best friend sent me an email telling me everything that was wrong with me, overbearing, pushy, and more I can't remember well, and I agree with her now, I've grown a lot and if she had said those thing recently, I could have come to terms with what she was saying, the things she pointed out were valid points that I should have looked into more, but I got defensive, this was when I thought she didn't want to be friends anymore because it sounded like she hated so many things about me... then what was there to like?
She had texted me a night before and said that she wanted to talk to me, with a specific teacher as a mediator, I refused, I am a very very private person and I do not like to share my feelings with anyone I'm not used to being around, and I wasn't yet familiar with this teacher. I told my friend that if she really didn't want to be friends anymore, that I would respect her decision. I was trying to protect myself, trying to make sure I broke it off before she did, I hate that my brain went there immediately. I wish I had tried to fight for her. She screamed at me while I sat there in a sort of calm daze, which completely gave off the impression that I didn't care... but I cared so much, she told me that I was self-sabotaging and was throwing away something that hadn't gone bad, she was screaming so loud, a teacher came in and told he she was disrupting classes, she was escorted out of the room and I heard her crying, and as soon as she left the room I burst out in tears too.
Our mutual friends, which was only two people, but they were my only other friends, stopped talking to me, and only hung out with her, but we were never on bad terms. I am beginning to resent them though. We stopped talking completely and soon summer vacation came. My cat died, I moved out of my narcissistic mother's house to my Dad's house, and his girlfriend accused me of stealing money, which I didn't, but my father took her side anyway and the entire time I was there they kept trying to blame things on me, and continuously scorned me for being antisocial, so eventually I moved out again when my father and I got in a huge fight, and I haven't talked to him since. I worked 80 hour weeks during the summer at two jobs, trying to keep my mind off my friend, my dad, and stay away from my mom, but it was okay because I had three friends who were from Mongolia, and two friends who were from Turkey working the same exact hours as me. But near the end of the summer, my two Turkish friends and I decided to plan a trip to go to Florida, I asked my mom and after some convincing she finally agreed, we got plane tickets, booked hotels, got car rental stuff, but the night before I left, my mom told me I wasn't allowed to go anymore, she has done this multiple times, but not of this magnitude, I told her that we had already paid for everything, but she told me that if I left, she would call the cops on me.
So I texted my Turkish friends and I told them what happened, but they wouldn't believe me... they blamed me and said "did you tell your mom?" I told them that I did, but they swore that I was lying, they told everyone, including my three Mongolian friends, so in the last month that my foreign friends were in the country, they all hated me, treated me terribly, constantly gave me dirty looks, and were scornful. It broke my heart, especially because they were so kind before, if I can make the kindest person hate me... then what kind of monster am I?
Finally, I came back to school, and it was so much harder than I thought it would be, seeing her everyday, happy with her friends while I sat there, alone and in misery, I had a couple friends, but they weren't in many of my classes. I was able to hold out for so long. One day I just couldn't take it anymore. I just completely gave up, seeing her was too much to bear, she didn't care about me anymore, I didn't have any close friends, just people who wouldn't really care if I lived or died. Everyday was a struggle. I stopped going to school, stopped going to work, and just curled up in my bed and decided that I had enough. I was on a course to graduate that year, a whole year early which got screwed up as well, ruining my chances of doing so.
I skipped work for almost three weeks, but I eventually came back because my boss said she missed me and reassured me that no body was mad. I haven't been to school in about two months, I don't know how I could go back anymore, it would be humiliating... like, what would I say? What if people asked questions? I'd just come off as so pathetic. I've ruined my life, I have little chance of a diploma, and no chance if I don't go back, I've been labeled as "truancy" or whatever. I was also supposed to go to Spain and Italy for a school trip, but I wasn't able to go because of my lack of attendance, so I ended up wasting 4,000 dollars.
My two friends that I made after my last best friend and I broke up called the cops on me because she thought I was going to kill myself, and I was so mad and embarrassed I cried the whole way to the hospital with my mom in the car and was able to go back home after some tests, after I got home, I went off on them, I was so so upset, and I honestly still am, I know they were only doing what they thought best, but I told her that I didn't want to talk to her until she would apologize, because all she kept saying was "I'm sorry you feel that way" so I told her to stop apologizing for how I felt, and apologize for what she did. She didn't, so I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her until she apologized. And the other friend who was in on it too, I texted her angrily and she said "womp womp" I immediately blocked her, I was so mad, words cannot describe my level of fury at that moment. It wasn't funny, that was not the time for jokes.
I have no friends, only my narcissistic mother, I don't even have a father anymore, my oldest sister isn't in contact with him either, for a different reason... I've just been working, and trying not to think. But I can't take it anymore. Have I really screwed everything up? Is my life worth anything anymore? Friendship is dead. Family is overrated, and I have never been able to keep a friend, I do not want the pain of loosing another one, I have people who I enjoy being around, I have coworkers, I have my sisters, and I have two people I hang out with sometimes, but really, none of them are my friends. I never want to make another friend, I refuse, I know they consider me their friends, but if I put a real label on it, it'll hurt too much when they leave and begin to hate me. What do I do? Am I destined for failure? Why do I always end up alone? Not only does everyone hate me, but I'm hating myself more and more by the passing day. I don't know what to do... can somebody, anybody help me? I'm just so lost.

I'm walking through a bustling underground train station. I push and shove my way through all the other commuters onto the platform. As I look around, there seems to be endless rows of platforms in both directions, stretching well into a dense fog. Further ahead, neat lines of railway tracks extend out from the fog and through the platforms. I instinctually look up at the info screen
Next train in ### minutes
I furrow my brow, squint to try and focus on the numbers but they're heavily pixelated and illegible. I look around at the other commuters, who stream onto the platform completely unaware of the anomaly. Most people are on their phone, or wearing headphones while some are talking to each other. No one seems to notice the malfunction with the screen.
That's when the absurdity of the situation clicks for me. Endless platforms, a wall of fog, unreadable numbers and people that don't care. It's all a dream. I bring my hand up to my face and pinch my nose, trying to breathe through it. An old reality check I remembered from back when I was trying to learn to lucid dream.
My heart rate jumped when I realised, that I couldn't breathe through my nose. Before I could even process this, another problem presented itself. I didn't know why I was here. I didn't know where I was going and I definitely did not know how I even got here. It seems as if reality ceased to exist right before I walked onto this platform. Just like it typically feels in a dream, you spawn in out of nowhere and don't really know what happened prior - except this wasn't a dream.
I knew I was sure of it because deep inside my bones I felt this anxious urgent message. I need to catch this train. It was a primal feeling.
At this point, my head is spinning and I need to sit down somewhere. I choose a silver bench with a middle aged woman sitting on it. She shuffles further to the left as I sit down next to her clutching my head and racking my brain to try and figure out what it is happening. This is what amnesia feels like, I thought to my self as I gnawed at scraps of messy muddled memories. Each image that came into my mind was just a fragment - A school, a library, sickeningly white walls. It hit me that I didn't even know my name. I was starting to hyperventilate but then my body kicked into autopilot. I started to take deep breaths, focusing on my diaphragm and calming myself down. It felt like I was trained to do this. I started to focus on the current situation.
Where was my ticket? Instinctually, I knew I had to have gotten one on my entry to the train station. I reached into my pockets and pulled out a scrap of paper. Scrawled in very familiar cursive:
*In case of memory loss, read the journal in your backpack*
Strange message but I didn't have any choice then to at least give the instructions a try. I removed my backpack and rummaged through it for the journal. I wouldn't really call it a backpack - more a tattered and frayed bundle of cloth that was reminiscent of a backpack. I finally found a series of small thick journals, bundled in cloth with their leather covers on the verge of disintegration. The pages still seemed in good condition though. Each cover was sequentially labelled which I'm guessing corresponded to the chronological order of the writings within.
The lady next to me was weirdly getting agitated. She kept stealing glances, her body shaking and eyes burning with a fierce rage. I slowly got up from the bench and began to step backwards. My backpack bumped into a pillar. The dull thud it made seemed to cause a drastic change to everyone around me though. They all snapped their heads, locking eyes on me and staring through my very soul. I felt exposed.
The rumble of an arriving train stole away their attention and within a split second everyone was ignoring me again, going back to their usual activities. It seriously felt like I had just imagined it and it was becoming more and more clear that I was having some sort of mental breakdown. Nevertheless, as the train slowed to a stop on the platform, I walked into it and found a seat. The train seemed to be old and new at the same time. Typical blue seats with abstract dirty patterns complete with a modern sleek interior of gentle curves clashing with a boxy dull metallic exterior and doors that looked like they belonged on a rusty submarine.
I opened the first of the journals and began to read. I soon realised that the handwriting was mine and within the next few moments I was attacked by a barrage of memories that had remained repressed and buried in the back of my mind.
*
My name is Jacob and I have been stuck here in this place called *The Limbo* for an eternity. When I say 'eternity', I don't mean it lightly. Back when I used to keep track I counted over 500 years through my wristwatch that never seemed to run out of battery. Now I know counting is meaningless. There have been periods like this where my mind falls into a deep trance and I lose my whole identity as I mindlessly wander in this place much like the entities that inhabit it. Occasional periods of lucidity breach this trance and then I find myself lost and confused. It's why I keep the journals with me. I think its some sort of psychological survival mechanism that human brains develop when faced with the infinite vastness of The Limbo.
Speaking of The Limbo, I've come to learn a few things about its nature through my stay here. Some of its been through people that I've come across (Yes others are also stuck here) and some has been through my own experiences. Perhaps the most important is the question of where I get my food and water. The answer is weird. I have never felt hungry or thirsty. The sensation of having cool water slide down my throat remains a memory so distant that it feels like the snippet of a childhood dream.
I guess the next natural topic about this place would be time. Through various experiences of mine (that you'll get to read about) and discussions with others, the leading theory of mine is that The Limbo exists outside of time itself. While I myself have fallen here sometime during 2001, I've met many others from various years like the 80s, 90s and even one recent fellow from 2043.
Most people in The Limbo eventually fall into a trance, withering away until they become one of the entities or become mere tools for them. It's probably naive but I keep going through this place with only two hopes. The first is to somehow get out of here at the right time point and see my son, who I never got to see. The second is to come out of this place and die so that I no longer have to live out the empty agony of eternity (I'll explain how you can't age or die in The Limbo later). Perhaps my hopes will dwindle as the centuries pile and I will become just like those who I look upon in pity now.
I am writing this consolidated diary of my experiences for several reasons. I'd like someone to know of my unending journey in this place. To be aware of the capacity of the human spirit to keep going in the worst of situations. I have never had a long term friend in The Limbo, but know that I consider you the reader a dear friend even if I never get to meet you because you will know my story. I'm also sharing this in hopes that there is more awareness of The Limbo. Perhaps the military and scientists can actually figure out what it is. Perhaps all of us can be brought home. Or maybe this can serve as a survival guide to those who may be unfortunate enough to fall through.
There are small holes in The Limbo. Most of them are barely large enough for a pinkie finger to fit in let alone a person, but sometimes I've come across one large enough for this journal to go through. I'm not sure what time or place these holes lead to, so the safe passage of this book into a person capable of reading it has about the same chances as me ever leaving this place.
The train I'm on supposedly leads to the edge of The Limbo, where the holes are large enough for humans to fit through. It's really more of a legend amongst the poor souls that are trapped here and I've followed trails and clues for a long time to even find this train.
There are only two ways this goes. Both outcomes would lead to you reading this book in your hands. I'll either find my way out of this hell or give up hope and slip this journal through a Hole. You will find my fate at the end.
I should stop rambling now though. It would be best to start at the very beginning.
*
I was rushing out of work in pure ecstasy. My wife had gone into labor while I was at work and been rushed to hospital. I needed to get there fast. People were glancing over at me over their cubicles in confusion as I packed up my work bag and rushed out to the elevators. I couldn't stop thinking about seeing my first son as the elevator made its way down. The elevator doors finally opened and I rushed out.
The ground entrance of the building I worked at, particularly near the lobby, is an intersection of various hallways. I was already walking to close to the wall when someone came rushing around the corner and bumped me right into the wall. I was only able to hear half their apology when I fell *through* the wall like it was just a holographic projection. In hindsight, I find it oddly funny how easy it is for a life to get ruined. Just when you think you've got it all, when everything is going smoothly, a small incident like that is enough to take it all away.
I found myself in a room that resembled a classroom. It looked as if someone who had never stepped inside a classroom was asked to imagine the space. Desks were arranged in messy uneven rows with the chairs facing various directions. The board at the front of the room was a seamless patchy mixture of both chalk and modern whiteboard and mounted way too low on the wall, nearly hugging the floor. A large teachers desk sat in the front of the room. The walls were filled with posters of absolute gibberish along with diagrams and pictures that seemed like they showed something tangible but no matter how close you looked you could never identify anything in the picture.
The initial confusion was replaced by an immense panic. My heart was drumming against my chest as I searched the room for a doorway to exit it. My mind was trying to rationalise the situation. I was trying to convince myself that this was just some old part of the building and I had fallen into a hallway instead of the wall.
I ran through the doorway at the far end of the room and found myself in a large hallway that seemed to extend forever in both directions. The walls were a muted grey and the floors were that typical dirty linoleum. Soon I would find out that the regularly spaced doorways on either side of the hall led to other nonsensical classrooms.
I ran down the hallway screaming for help in pure panic, which was a terrible mistake in hindsight. I stopped running down the hallway when I suddenly heard the distinct scratch of chalk against board. In this large empty space, the sound echoed and boomed. Since I was still refusing to buy in to the reality of the situation, my hopes were momentarily increased by the supposed presence of another person here.
I slowly walked over to the doorway that the sounds were coming from. My stomach filled with an uneasy dread. This deep primal instinct within me urged me to hold back. I peeked carefully in the classroom and saw a woman with their back turned to me drawing something on the chalkboard.
It took me a few moments to notice that it was a very realistic portrait of my face.
She was drawing lines across my throat, her long dark hair swaying as she drew in the details. The drawing was completed with a terrible slash across the throat, blood gurgling out. I was frozen in place, transfixed on the hauntingly beautiful realism of the picture.
She began to turn around slowly while humming a high pitched tune. To this day I can't describe the face I saw. It is still etched into my mind. A face full of so much hatred, so much anger that I don't think its possible for a human to make that face. It expressed an emotion beyond human understanding. No artist in the world could ever render the expression on the paper. No words could describe the pure fear that coursed through my veins as she stared at me and began to approach.
I turned around to run, only to realise that a bunch of school children had gathered around me. They were headless, the bleeding stumps dripping thick blood onto the floor in a rhythmic patter. Somehow they were laughing.
I shoved through the group and ran down the hallway. I wasn't sure where I was going. My whole world had shattered and now I was completely aimless in some nonsense dimension with horrors beyond imagination that wanted me dead.
*
The extract above is from this journal I found at the foot of a large tree on a hiking trail. It's a miracle that I spotted its faded leather cover given that it was almost buried under rotting leaves. I really don't know what to make of what I'm reading, so I'll be slowly transcribing bits of it in separate posts over the next few days.
I know this subreddit is good for this sort of stuff. I'd love if someone else could share anything they know about The Limbo. This whole journal feels like some sort of prank, but the words and memories within feel way too real.
I can't help but feel a connection to this story. My mum doesn't speak much of my Dad, who I know left before I was born. No one ever found out where he went.
I was born in 2001
X

Linen, a fabric that whispers of age-old tradition and natural elegance, holds a special place in the hearts of those who value sustainability and style. Originating from the flax plant, linen is not just a fabric; it's a testament to durability and comfort, making it a beloved choice for both fashion and home decor. In the warm, vibrant landscapes of South Africa, linen transcends merely being a material to becoming a lifestyle choice, perfectly suited to the country's sunny climate and laid-back elegance.
As you explore the world of linen, you'll discover its unique properties that make it a real summer fabric, yet versatile enough for all seasons. Its ability to wear airy, stay cool, and dry quickly, alongside its eco-friendly and long-lasting nature, makes linen a smart choice for those looking to blend style with sustainability. Whether it's in the form of chic dresses, wide-leg pants for the fashion-forward, or as part of your home's interior with linen bedding and pillows, linen brings a unique, casual look that's effortlessly sophisticated.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Linen is a durable, sustainable fabric made from the flax plant, celebrated for its comfort, eco-friendliness, and style versatility in fashion and home décor, especially within the vibrant setting of South Africa.
• Its unique texture, ability to improve with age, and durability make linen a superior choice for both attire and household items, offering a blend of casual sophistication and robust longevity.
• Linen's sustainability attributes, including lower water requirements and biodegradability, align with eco-conscious living, making it a preferred material for those prioritising environmental stewardship alongside stylistic elegance.
• The fabric supports traditional skills, with the high demand for quality linen helping to preserve artisanal textile crafting techniques, ensuring the continuation of cultural heritage and craftsmanship.
• Caring for linen involves gentle washing, air drying, and avoiding bleaching, ensuring the fabric maintains its natural beauty and longevity as part of a sustainable lifestyle.
• India Ink's home decor collection showcases the versatility and elegance of linen, with an array of products that enrich living spaces with comfort, style, and a commitment to sustainable living practices.

THE BEAUTY OF LINEN

Discovering what is linen unlocks a world of elegance and refinement, especially within the vibrant context of South Africa. This natural fabric, celebrated for its classic appeal and sustainable qualities, plays a pivotal role in both fashion and home decor. Let's delve deeper into the texture and durability of linen and explore its versatility in home decoration.

TEXTURE AND DURABILITY

Linen's unique texture is one of its most cherished attributes. It's soft yet sturdy, offering a comfort that's unmatched by most other materials. This exquisite fabric originates from the flax plant, known for its long, strong fibres, making linen an outstanding choice for longevity. Its natural crinkles add a casual yet sophisticated charm to any item, whether it's clothing or decor pieces.
But it's not just about looks; durability is where linen truly shines. Sheeting linen, with its high thread count, offers an extra layer of durability, making it perfect for everyday use without sacrificing its beauty. This resilience makes linen an intelligent choice for those seeking quality and style in one package. Over time, linen doesn't weaken but instead becomes softer, enhancing its usability and aesthetic appeal with every wash.

VERSATILITY IN HOME DECOR

When it comes to Home Decor, linen stands out for its versatility. Its ability to blend seamlessly into any setting, from modern minimalist to rustic chic, makes it a top choice for interior designers and homeowners alike. In the sunny and lively ambiance of South Africa, linen's breathable and cool nature complements the climate brilliantly, offering comfort and style.
From luxurious India Ink Home Decor collections to locally crafted pieces, linen is a staple material. It's employed in creating everything from plush bedding that cools in the summer nights to elegant tablecloths that elevate a dining experience. Linen pillows and poufs add a touch of casual elegance to any room, making spaces more inviting and comfortable.
Moreover, the aesthetic of linen items in home decor cannot be overstated. Their unique texture and the way they gracefully drape offer a balance between laid-back and refined, embodying a lifestyle that appreciates both comfort and elegance. Choosing linen for your Best Home Decor selections means opting for pieces that age gracefully, becoming more beautiful with time and use.
Incorporating linen into your home isn't just a style choice—it's a commitment to a lifestyle that values quality, sustainability, and timeless elegance. Whether you're dressing up your living space or adding a touch of sophistication to your wardrobe, linen's unmatched blend of beauty and durability makes it an enduring favourite.

THE SUSTAINABILITY OF LINE

Linen, a fabric as elegant as it's sustainable, has found its way into the heart of South African homes and wardrobes, marrying timeless elegance with eco-conscious living. Let's delve into why linen consistently ranks as a top choice for those prioritising both style and sustainability.

ECO-FRIENDLY PRODUCTION

When pondering what is linen, it's essential to acknowledge its eco-friendly production process. Linen comes from the flax plant, which is remarkably resilient, requiring significantly less water than cotton and thriving without the need for harmful pesticides. This makes linen an environmentally friendly option right from its inception. In South Africa, a region where water scarcity is a concern, choosing linen supports a more sustainable approach to textile production.
The production of linen is more labor-intensive than that of cotton, but it's a process that respects the environment, harnessing traditional farming techniques that have stood the test of time. This aspect makes linen not just a fabric, but a testament to eco-friendly practices that align with the values of sustainability-minded consumers, especially those seeking the best home decor options that India Ink and similar brands offer.

BIODEGRADABILITY AND LONGEVITY

One of the most striking features of linen is its biodegradability and longevity. Linen garments and home decor items don't just offer a distinctively sophisticated aesthetic, they're also built to last. Linen's robust fibres can withstand years of wear and washing, gradually becoming softer and more comfortable over time without losing their integrity. This enduring quality ensures that linen products remain a fixture in homes for years, reducing the need for frequent replacements and contributing less waste to landfills.
For those invested in creating a home with the best home decor, choosing linen not only adds a touch of luxury but also makes a statement about sustainable living. It's comforting to know that once a linen item has reached the end of its long, useful life, it will naturally decompose, leaving minimal environmental impact.

SUPPORTING TRADITIONAL SKILLS

The demand for high-quality linen in South Africa helps support and preserve traditional skills and livelihoods. The intricate process of transforming flax into linen requires expertise that has been passed down through generations. By choosing linen for your home decor or wardrobe, you're contributing to the survival of these artisanal practices, ensuring they can continue to thrive in the modern world.
Communities dedicated to the art of linen-making benefit from the rejuvenated interest in sustainable textiles. It's a celebration of heritage and craftsmanship, with each piece of linen telling a story of cultural legacy meshed with contemporary design. Brands like India Ink not only showcase the natural beauty and durability of linen in their home decor collections but also champion the traditional skills behind the fabric, promoting a deeper appreciation for the hands that craft them.
As linen weaves its way through South African homes, it brings with it a reminder of the importance of making eco-conscious choices in every aspect of our lives. From its low-impact production to its ability to support age-old crafting techniques, linen stands out as a symbol of sustainable luxury.

LINEN IN CULTURE AND TRADITION

Linen, woven from the fibres of flax plants, carries with it a rich tapestry of cultural significance and traditional value, particularly in South Africa. Long before what is linen became a common query in the vibrant world of home decor, this fabric was deeply rooted in local customs and practices, symbolising purity and wealth.
Incorporating linen into your home through India ink home decor items not only enhances the aesthetic of your living spaces but also pays homage to a tradition that has been cherished across generations. In South Africa, linen is often featured in cultural celebrations and ceremonies, symbolising a connection to nature and a commitment to sustainability. This tradition underscores the essence of selecting the best home decor that is not only beautiful but also steeped in meaning.
Due to its natural origins and eco-friendly production, linen has become increasingly popular among South African designers and homeowners looking to make eco-conscious choices. Products made from linen – from elegant draperies to crisp bedding – not only imbue homes with a sense of luxury but also carry forward a legacy of environmental stewardship. As more people seek out sustainable options, linen's appeal continues to grow, merging home decor trends with timeless tradition.
Using linen in your home is a nod to both the past and the future, blending cultural heritage with modern sustainability ideals. By choosing linen, you contribute to a global movement towards more responsible consumption patterns, all while enriching your home with pieces that tell a story. It's a fabric that transcends mere utility, becoming a symbol of careful craftsmanship and respect for the environment – values deeply embedded in South African culture.
Whether it's through the touch of a linen tablecloth or the embrace of a linen throw, integrating this fabric into your home decor offers a seamless blend of style, comfort, and conscious living. Linen's durability and biodegradability ensure that your choice is not only an investment in aesthetics but in the planet's future as well.

CARING FOR YOUR LINEN

Linen, known for its breathability, durability, and effortless charm, has become a staple in the realm of home decor, blending seamlessly with the aesthetic desired by many South African households. When integrating pieces like India ink home decor or any linen-based items into your space, knowing how to care for this fabric can preserve its beauty and longevity, ensuring your best home decor remains in prime condition.
Firstly, always check the care label before laundering your linen items. Typically, linen is machine washable in lukewarm water on a gentle cycle. Use a mild, liquid detergent to avoid any harshness on the fibres. It's crucial to avoid bleaching your linen, as this can weaken the fibres and alter the colour, diminishing the natural beauty of the fabric.
Drying your linen correctly is just as important as how you wash it. While tumble drying on a low heat setting is generally safe, air drying is preferable for preserving the fabric's quality and reducing energy consumption. Hang or lay your items flat in a shaded area, as direct sunlight can cause fading.
Ironing linen, while not always necessary thanks to its naturally relaxed texture, should be done while the fabric is still slightly damp. Use a medium-hot iron and press on the wrong side to avoid shiny marks. For an immaculate finish, consider using a steam iron.
For linen items that are part of your home decor, like draperies or upholstered furniture, regular vacuuming with a soft brush attachment can minimise dust accumulation. Spot clean any spills immediately with a damp cloth, avoiding rubbing, which can embed stains deeper into the fabric.
Remember, linen's beauty lies in its natural, slightly wrinkled appearance, embodying effortless elegance and comfort. By following these care tips, you'll ensure your linen home decor continues to add a touch of warmth and sophistication to your home, embodying the best of practicality and style.

INDIA INK'S LINEN COLLECTION

When exploring what is linen and its applications in home decor, India Ink stands out as a beacon of quality and innovation within the South African context. Their linen collection merges traditional elegance with contemporary design, ensuring your home not only reflects style but also exudes comfort.
At the heart of India Ink's home decor philosophy is a commitment to using premium linen fabrics. Recognised for its durability, breathability, and elegance, linen brings a touch of luxury and a sense of natural beauty to any space. Whether you're revamping your bedroom, updating your living area, or adding finesse to your bathroom, India Ink offers an extensive range of linen products to elevate your home's aesthetic.
Their collection showcases a variety of linen items including, but not limited to:

• Luxurious bed linens that promise to transform your sleep experience,
• Elegant tablecloths and napkins designed to complement your dining area,
• Sophisticated curtains that blend functionality with style, providing privacy while inviting just the right amount of natural light.

What sets India Ink apart is their keen eye for detail and their embrace of linen's natural characteristics. Acknowledging linen's inherent propensity for slight wrinkles, India Ink designs embrace this texture, adding a relaxed yet elegant charm to their products. This approach not only highlights the authentic quality of the fabric but also ensures that every item from their collection adds a distinct character to your home decor.
Investing in India Ink's linen collection guarantees you're bringing into your home a piece of fabric known for its archival integrity and strength. Moreover, their linen selection is curated to cater to the best home decor tastes, seamlessly blending functionality with aesthetic appeal. Whether you're after the crisp, clean look that a touch of starch can provide or the more casual, lived-in appearance, India Ink has you covered.
Exploring India Ink’s home decor offerings allows you to experience the unique charm and sophisticated comfort that linen brings into a space. Their collection highlights how this ancient fabric continues to hold relevance in contemporary decor, marrying tradition with modernity in the most elegant manner.
Exploring India Ink's Linen Collection reveals more than just the timeless elegance of linen; it unveils a world where durability meets luxury in every thread. By choosing their linen products, you're not just adding a piece of fabric to your home. You're embracing a tradition of sophistication and comfort that has been cherished for centuries. Whether it's the gentle embrace of bed linens or the refined touch of tablecloths and curtains, India Ink ensures that every item enriches your living space with a blend of classic and contemporary design. Their commitment to quality and attention to the natural beauty of linen make their collection a perfect choice for those looking to infuse their homes with a sense of refined charm and enduring style.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COTTON AND LINEN?

Cotton and linen have distinct fibers; cotton is softer and more versatile, while linen is naturally stronger and known for its durability, breathability, and luxurious feel. Each has its unique characteristics catering to different needs and preferences.

WHAT HAPPENS IF LINEN GETS WET?

Linen can shrink when wet, a common trait among fabrics. To minimise shrinkage, it's best to wash linen at lukewarm temperatures, around 40°C, on a gentle cycle, preserving its quality and dimensions.

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF FABRIC IS LINEN?

To differentiate linen from cotton, dampen a finger and press it against the fabric. Linen absorbs moisture faster and more visibly due to its fewer surface fibres compared to cotton, making it distinguishable through this simple test.

WHAT ARE TWO CHARACTERISTICS OF LINEN?

Linen stands out for its strength, durability, UV protection, lightweight nature, rapid moisture evaporation, and antibacterial properties. These features contribute to its lasting appeal and suitability for a wide range of uses, from clothing to home decor.

WHAT ARE THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF LINEN?

Advantages: Linen keeps you cool, is easy to clean, and when organic, uses natural dyes beneficial for both health and the environment. Disadvantage: The main drawback is its cost, which can be significantly higher than other fabrics. Regular washing without tumble drying is recommended to avoid permanent creases.

So for context I (21F) am the youngest of 6 siblings and when my eldest sibling, (my brother) turned 21 he died only days later in a car accident. Although this was quite some time ago. But of course coming from a big family it was difficult and completely devastating. All my siblings are 2 years apart from one another but due to how blended my family is I’m 7 years apart from the 5th sibling, who for this story I’ll call James (29M). Now this story may be long and a bit confusing but please bare with me as I try my best to write it. James and I are the one who are 7 years apart. We do not share the same dad, however he calls my dad “dad” and my father helped raise him and is on his birth certificate. After losing my eldest brother my mum and dads health declined rapidly. My mum had open heart surgery and my dad had 5 brain surgery’s. My mum to this day has never really recovered.
Now I know hate is a strong word, especially to describe your own brother but EVERYTHING my brother does just infuriates me. So here’s where I could be the A-hole.
There’s not one specific reason as to why I feel this way about my brother but I’ll try my best to explain. When I was 16 and James was 24, within a year he slept with 2 of my best friends who were only 17 at the time. I did not find out about this until they had already turned 18. He would steal the family electronics to pawn them for money because he was spending all his money on alcohol and drugs. If he was ever confronted about these things he would ALWAYS LIE. When I was younger and not working my parents used to give me any of their coins and I would save for the whole year so I could go to our local show (fair). Given we had such a big family and I couldn’t work I thought if I could save for the year it was one less stress on my parents. One year James stole EVERY penny a week out from the show (fair), I couldn’t go that year (he stole around $150AUD) .
Now a lot of these times my brother would just get away with it all because everyone felt bad for him or because he had a way of charming people and they would just pretend it never happened. Almost all of his previous relationships ended physically but he calls them all “crazy” to justify his poor behaviour. When I turned 18 and was living with my parents we were to pay board, so we could help them rent and any bills they had. Around a year ago we started buying our own groceries and cooking our own food. This was just so our parents could prepare us for the “real world”. Which in all honesty I’m so glad they did because it helped me tremendously! However my brother proceeds to eat everyone else’s food and not contribute to bills, despite having a well paying job. We even went as far as having designated selves and labelling things. Despite this, just the other week he ate mine and my boyfriend’s leftovers and then put the empty container back in the fridge!
Now I won’t ramble on too much longer but the worse thing of all is the way he treats my parents. All my other siblings have moved out so it’s just me and James living with parents. My mum being as sick as she is, is unfortunately the target to all of my brothers unwarranted out bursts. He yells at her and tells her “you just wish it was me in that car” referring to my brother who died and “I’ll just go kms and then you’ll have no son left”. My dad is less vocal during confrontational times but when he is involved James goes from calling him “dad” to calling him his actual name.
With all that said, that was barely a glimpse of what I’ve had to deal with. I used to come up with every excuse to justify all the things james has done. But now when I look at him or he tries to talk to me I truly can’t stand him. Personally I have never met a more arrogant and manipulative person. I can no longer make excuses for him. It breaks my heart to think of my brother like this but I feel like the a-hole because at the end of the day he’s family. So AITA?

Okay I’m going to omit gender from this, just to eliminate any biases. But I (22), have been seeing this person (22) and we’ve known each other for about 4 years now. We’ve always kind of flirted since the internship we met at. I was in a really bad place at the time and wasn’t ready for a relationship.
I have had a pretty rough childhood which I won’t go into detail, but it involves some weird outlandish shit that I don’t talk about. It caused me to distrust most people and be very shy and cold-hearted at times. Anyways, this past year we started talking romantically and eventually hooking up. I really like this person, but my friends think very poorly of them. They are a bit inept when it comes to dating, and they’re known to be kind of a hot-and-cold type of person if you get my message.
For this reason, I’ve been avoiding any kind of label with them. I like to sleep with this person, but I also genuinely like them. Recently, they blew up at me for not actually liking them but treating them like my partner. That the “no label “ thing was killing them. I basically said “fair enough” but assured them that I did like them, I just wasn’t ready for labels.
The truth is, I do like them, but I don’t want to be caught dating someone who’s a “player” like they are. I’m not shaming for their promiscuity or anything, I’m just afraid of people seeing me “settle” for someone who’s known to brush people off and be weird, and pitying me for being with them. I have been in abusive relationships in the past, and the worst thing is the sympathetic “you poor thing” attitude people give you. I don’t want to be seen this way again.
Anyways, I really miss this person, but I don’t want to be associated with them at the same time. What should I do?