Feeling like i always choking on phlegm

Rewatch
E3.1 The Announcement
Robyn’s pregnancy was a bomb thrown into the Brown family at a really shaky time on a number of fronts. I think I remember Kody mentioning that he was putting pressure on Robyn to get with it already with the baby so she obliged. But really, could there have been a worse time to insert a new baby into the pot of this chaos soup? It was bad on multiple levels.

1. The teenagers were not happy with the news at all. It’s understandable. Teenagers are grossed out by the idea of their parents procreating anyway, but when it’s a new child, from the new wife, in a polygamist family, of course, they aren’t thrilled.
   
2. Robyn helpfully singles out Hunter in her confessional, mentioning he doesn’t say a word to her. He, of all the kids, is having a particularly hard time with the move to Vegas and it’s no secret to the family. Later, Janelle and Kody call him down from his room and try to talk to him and he is clearly depressed, blocking them out. Kody keeps pushing and pushing, not with compassion but with impatience.
   
3. Janelle explains her reaction (or lack of one) during one of their group on cameras, that she is very concerned about their financial situation. Janelle emotionally says she has always worked and it’s a big part of her identity and she not only feels without direction but she feels like the family is in dire financial straits.
   
4. They are aware that they need to find a safe place for their older kids to gather, to be part of a local group so they aren’t so isolated. They go to a Presbyterian church to talk about the kids joining their youth group and naturally, none of the parents agree - Janelle and Meri are for it, Robyn, Kody, Christine are against it. They meet with the teenagers about it and poor Hunter looks so miserable, Logan is diplomatic and surprisingly, Maddie has some push back with Robyn (loved that).
   
5. Amidst this turmoil, Christine says that she wants her backyard to be a gathering place so the family embarks on putting a giant rubber pool and a little playhouse in her backyard. FOR ALL THE KIDS. Not just her kids, ROBYN, but all the kids.
   

Imagine that. It’s almost like she was willing to invest in the family! Like she tried to have a good relationship with these other people!! (See S17.10 Knife in the Kidneys for reference)

I love monsteras but since I discovered those variegated ones I’ve been wanting them soooooooo bad. But I’ve been waiting And waiting and waiting for their prices to drop 😭 because I don’t want to spend so much on them.
I have experience growing regular monsteras without an issue but having an expensive one feels risky.
Last month I bought a monstera albo cutting with three roots. It’s been doing good and I got her for $30. I’m going to care the shit out of her and she’s going to be very pretty.
I’ve been seeing people here find Thais for very cheap 🥹 and everytime I go on FB I swear I see their price drop 😫
So as badly as I want it. I’m just waiting until they’re like $20-30 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
Do you wait for price drops?

i always hear people being able to say theyre glad to be tiny because they can ride tiny ponies... im over 6 ft tall so i either weigh too much or look silly 😂 being a tall rider comes with too-short stirrup leathers, a rare saddle fit, impossible to find well-fitting riding pants, and my lower leg hanging off the shorter horsies. Plus, horses with super short strides are just so short for me sometimes, and finding a rhythm with our opposite lengths can be hard. I also tend to hit my head on some barn constructions--I used to be at a barn where I vertically filled out the tack shed doorway, plus an inch or two. So unless I bent over, I would hit my forehead on the door frame. I also frequently forget to watch where I'm going on trail rides and get nearly blinded by a tree branch. My feet are also too big for Ariat women's' sizes... oops!
I've never showed but I'm interested in trying, but I'm worried that me just being so tall on most horses(and any horses I'd be able to show) would automatically be a small disadvantage, just because I'm SO tall that it looks silly sometimes. Plus the shopping hell that would be a show outfit, due the length of my limbs(one woman visibly exhaled and laughed out loud when I came into the store and told her I was looking for pants, because she was scared I wanted tall boots!)
But I do think being tall has it's riding perks!! I feel like I naturally have balance, because I have so much weight below my hips from my legs. I can wrap my legs around just about any horse. And I feel like I can absorb big movements a little better because I'm tall. So it's a give-take situation, I think. Short and tall people both have their horsey pros and cons. I rarely hear really tall equestrians talk about what their height can do for them.

Hi, I (22F) am about to graduate from college this year in December and I’m feeling really scared. Admittedly my fear runs a bit deeper than the average ‘going out into the real world’ nervousness. I don’t have a good relationship with my family, never have. In many ways they are extremely abusive and controlling. All I have ever wanted was to cut them off and get as far away as possible. Like they have caused me so much pain I’m changing my last name so I never have to be associated with them again. Unfortunately getting diagnosed with a chronic illness (Crohn’s disease) at 18 kept me from doing so and my only option to secure a independent future for myself was to just endure my family’s treatment so I can get my degree (English w/ a concentration in technical writing w/ a minor in mass media) with no debt since my parents and my dads time in the military were paying for it. Which was important to me since I’m already anticipating some form of medical debt in my future due to my illness. Anyway I’m getting really close now and I’m really excited but I’m also terrified to the point of feeling frozen. It’s weird to explain but dealing with the harshness of my family is very normal to me. So normal I have a hard time picturing myself living a life that’s peaceful and I can have total freedom and control. It also doesn’t help that I know I’ll be going into the world damn near alone apart from a small handful of friends and no family apart from my brother but we’re barely getting close & idk if I can rely on him yet. Not to mention my grandma, the one person I knew I could rely on in my family has terminal cancer and probably won’t be here by next year.
I keep trying to tell myself ‘just focus on graduating, then getting a technical writing job and it’ll all work out’ but I’m really freaking out and the closer I get to graduating the more panic I feel.

Just started reading Darcy Van Poelgeest’s Precious Metal. I get so excited jumping into a really dense world that doesn’t hold your hand. Being confused and imagining what is to come next is just a thrill for me.
That said, I can have trust issues that the author knows where it is going. Hickman is an example of that for me where I believe his intentions are good but he doesn’t always know where the ideas are going, just that they are cool ideas.
Some authors I do trust the journey with are Morrison, Moore, Si Spurrier and Poelgeest. Not everything by them has been to my liking but I do believe they put thought into their worlds and that allows me to get invested into them. Even if it requires work on my part.

So like the title says…. My husband and I have a home with a large yard and a basement. We agreed when his wife passed (it was tragic, unexpected and she leaves behind a 3 yrs old son) that we would clear out the basement and carpet it and let them move in for awhile till he got his feet on the ground (maybe a year or 2) as rent around here is impossible for 1 income. We’d even be charging a small rent for utilities and such
As each day goes by (it’s been about 5 days now) my husband keeps coming up with more and more reasons he’s upset about it and backs it with “well I know it was my idea and I offered it, and I love him so I’m going to help him” but I can’t mentally take this back and forth of feelings. I’m a “more the merrier” person and he’s a “I want my space and no one around” person. His new term today is they have to rehome their dog. Like what?! He just lost the love his life (literal soul mates) and now you’re asking them to lose another family member? He’s also an alcoholic and has been drinking non stop since her death. When that happens he can be quite a jerk. We have 2 young children as well so I thought the time with cousins for them would be great and it teaches our kids that we step up and help family no matter what. But my husband is making so many terms and conditions on it that I’m not sure what to do. I’m torn. It’s not fair. Anyone else been in this situation and how did it work out?

This is kind of a multi question post, so sorry about that. I'll just get right into it.
CW: mentions at Question 7 of deceased loved one
KO= Kemetic Orthodoxy
1) Is it okay to use multiple forms of cleansing? Rev. Siuda teaches to use natron water, but can I add an extra method (using a besom or hand held equivalent) into the cleansing process/alternate between? Or would doing this just be redundant/stick with the natron water instead?
2) Rev. Siuda's Prayerbook talks about the physical set up of the shrine and also set up expectations around prayer. Is it a universal requirement to specifically have the candle in the center, etc.? I used to follow the Wiccan religion, and my old shrine set up then was a little different. Honestly, the biggest thing I want to continue doing is leaving the center of the shrine empty instead of having the candle/incense/offering dish there. I specifically liked having the space open so that I can have the motion of physically handing over offerings or items. I know it's such a small gesture, but it's something that I really liked being able to do. It just makes the prayer experience more personal for me, you know? Would this be okay or should I stick to specifics from the Prayerbook?
3) Rev. Siuda also sets up an expectation for specific daily prayer. Back when I was Wiccan, I treated my altar as a more formal meeting space, so I usually only physically sat down there to pray a few times a week when something important happened or needed to be addressed and did most of my daily prayers I guess as more informal passing moment kind of things and usually as I'm laying in bed getting ready to sleep (for example, stopping to verbally say "thank you for XYZ, I really appreciate that I'm able to experience ABC"). I've kind of just been dealing with this sort of guilt that I'm not doing this "right" since I've continued to pray like that even after converting. Should I just stop taking the KO so literally and only think of them as general guidelines or do I need to buckle down and change my approach to prayer?
4) I bought a little pyramid figure (it's clear resin with gold design) and I've been wanting to gift it to the Netjer for several weeks now, but I feel like it might start breaching the territory of turning the shrine into some weird aesthetics display if I do it. Should I still gift it but place it somewhere else (I think I can make a small space on my desk atm and eventually when I get my own place, I can definitely buy a second smaller table for it and all future non-food offerings) or would it be okay since the intention isn't just to make the shrine pretty, it's a gift?
5) I work wih my hands, so it's nearly impossible for me to go about without minor cuts and breakage. Would this be considered an impurity? The KO suggests not to pray while injured or bleeding. I can buy gloves to keep at my altar if needed.
6) Do you think the Netjer will be offended by cat fur getting on my shrine/the cats themselves? It's physically impossible to keep them out of my room due to my living space rn. I'll be able to keep them off while using the shrine, but I can't hover over and watch them every second of the day, and specifically one ALWAYS has to investigate anything she sees I'm giving my attention to lol.
7) Finally, is it acceptable to add a photograph to my altar of a deceased loved one? I like to keep his picture in spots that attract the most love/positive energy. It wouldn't be a main display kind of thing, maybe just behind everything in one of the far top corners. I'm open to any and all suggestions except taking the picture out of the frame as it's the only printed one I have atm, so I'd like to keep it protected. I'd also like to incorporate him into ancestral prayer but we aren't actually related, just close friends and dated briefly. Is that okay or should I keep him separated from that?
Sorry for the rambling post! I really appreciate all feed back♡ Also sorry for any missed typos. I've gone over the post, and I think I got everything yet could've missed some.

I am a rising 2L and am considering offers from two V10 firms but in different locations (Chicago and NYC). Both firms have great Capital Markets, M&A, and other corporate practice groups. I would appreciate some advice and thoughts. Would I be stupid to head to NYC?
Chicago Pro's

• Extra $10k a year just from lower taxes
• Cost of living is much cheaper in the West Loop or Fulton Market. Even if the costs were the same, the apartment in Chicago would be much nicer
• SO wants to live here
• Much easier to buy a home here, I am a bit older than most at 29 and it is on my radar
• Firm cultures here seem much healthier than NYC
• The lake is really nice

Chicago Con's

• This city does not feel very diverse. In my opinion, food offerings are significantly worse compared to NYC for my cultural background
• I don't really enjoy the midwestern feel of the city
• A bit farther away from my family

NYC Pro's

• I have always wanted to live in NYC and before I met my SO I never intended to stay in Chicago
• I feel like training would be superior as NYC is the finance capital of the world
• I have enjoyed my interactions with NYC associates much more than any I have met in Chicago
• Have some friends in the area already and my family is an Amtrak ride away
• NYC firm has a little more prestige
• I just like the idea of living in NYC a more. It feels like more of a world class city, but that honestly just might be the "shine/allure" of NYC life.

NYC Con's

• Expensive as hell
• Work life balance is much worse, but I feel like this helps train people up and make them good at what they do

Booked an Airbnb for a week. Immediately when we get there it is dirty. Toothpaste still in the bathroom sink, pee on the toilet seat, super dirty kitchen with crumbs and spills and caked on food, other people's hairs there, dirty dog smell couch, etc. I immediately reported this to the host, with pictures, and they offered to send their cleaners out. No refund offer or anything, but whatever I'll give them a chance.
After the cleaners come out the place is slightly more clean, but still dirty. Both my family and boyfriend agree the place was dirty, it wasn't just me. I look for an alternative but because it is a holiday week and I was visiting family in a rural area there wasn't anything available that was close so I just sucked it up and stayed. Their cleaners suck and I didn't feel like having them sent out again to do nothing and wanted to get on with my vacation. At least one of the beds and one of the bathrooms was clean enough for us to sleep there.
After the stay I requested the refund and the host said I should have said something and she would have kept sending out the cleaners so she shouldn't have to give me the refund I requested. This is my first bad experience with an Airbnb and I have never left a bad review so not sure if I handled this incorrectly.

i’ve been friends with this girl for about 4 years i think. we never argued and nothing is wrong, but i feel like she hates me. friday we had a trip with my school and it was really fun. everything went well, however for the ride home we went our separate ways. i eventually asked her if she got home safe which she replied that she didn’t, and when i asked where she was, she didn’t reply until yesterday afternoon. i was a bit upset because i was worried for her, but i just brushed it off. however, when i got on tiktok, i saw one of her reposts quoting : « how it feels pretending to be cool with someone after you found out something that completely ruined your view of them ». i know i shouldn’t get paranoid, but it worried me, somehow. i can’t help but think she found out i’m still having a crush on this guy that randomly started talking to her. i never tried to make a move on him though, but i don’t know. yesterday, i also sent her a cute tiktok for best friend’s day, and she left me on seen for quite a while, before just liking the tiktok. i thought she’d answer, she often answers. i don’t want to message her because i feel so stupid doing it, because it’s almost like she doesn’t care as much as i do. i don’t want to seem hopeless (even though i kind of am). i’m not sure if i’m just being paranoid or if something is going on.

So I was talking to this girl for like 2 months and a few days ago I cut it off for no reason. And last night I tried to come back and apologize but was just left on read. How can i accept that I messed up bad and just have to move on now. She was honestly the most beautiful girl in the world and the nicest girl and she was the first girl that genuinely wanted to talk to me everyday and know how I was. I know she’s never coming back but I just have this feeling she’s gonna text me but I know that’s not true. So just how do I let go of this girl and move on it honestly feels impossible right now.

As part of my evening routine, I get my five-year-old daughter Sophie ready for her bath. I bought some new soap from a farmer’s market on the other side of town claiming to make extra bubbles, and it’s pink, so I know she’ll love it. I fill the tub with warm water and pour it in. Wow, this stuff is really pink and the bubbles nearly spill out of the tub. I’m happy with my purchase, feeling like a proud mom.
I gently plop Sophie in the colorful water as she hums softly, looking up and smiling at me.
“What song are you singing, sweetie?”
“I made it up.” She says with a grin.
She used to hate taking a bath, but she’s really come around on them this year. She splashes around having fun, and I realize I should get her toys for her.
I turn away for a second to open the cabinet, grabbing some foam alphabet letters she likes. I’m glad she likes them since they’re educational as well. Gently, I fish out a rubber ducky from the cabinet for good measure, too. Turning back to face my daughter, I notice the splashing has stopped. She’s no longer in the tub.
A wave of dread washes over me. How could this happen? I just saw her in my periphery two seconds ago. She couldn’t have left my sight. I would have heard her. I’m in panic mode now, living out every mom’s worst nightmare. I call out to her, when she suddenly submerges from seemingly thin air.
What the hell?! Something is not right. She’s somehow back in the tub. Only she’s almost unrecognizable. I gasp. I can see right through her and she has a pink hue to her. How is this possible? I flail my arms, reaching out to grab her. Sophie’s skin is slippery to the touch like slime. I recoil in horror.
“Baby?”
She stares back at me with a frightened look on her face, before slipping back into depths of the tub.
“No, come back! Sophie! Baby!!”
I violently dunk my hands into the tub, reaching for her yet only grabbing bubbles. Now sobbing, I throw my hands on my head. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. Why is this happening?
“Mommy?” she says, muffled by the water.
I let out a loud gasp.
“Baby?! Are you ok?! Mommy’s here!” I stare in sheer horror as my daughter returns to the surface. Somehow, her entire body is now made of bubbles, except for her eyes and internal organs, which now float amongst these bubbles.
“Mommy, what’s happening?!” she says, crying, though I can’t see the tears. The more she cries, the more the bubbles pop. I try my absolute hardest to console her, desperately trying to get the bubbles to stop popping.
“Baby, it’s ok I’m here.” I say crying so hard snot runs down my face. I scream. The bubbles won’t stop popping. They won’t stop.

Where can I go? I haven't been bra shopping in a while and it's way passed time. I've always settled for 34B because that's all I was ever able to find. Sometimes I could find a 32C in VS, but never on the rack anywhere else. No one ever had band sizes smaller than 34. I feel that I am a 32D and would like to go and try some on. Is there anywhere that may carry them?

I am at a place where I don't know what to do besides accept he will never change. I am here to hopefully get thoughts and advice to gauge how bad his behavior is compared to other marriages. I like to think we are mostly a healthy married couple but we have a few major problems that he won't see hurt me. He tells me I just want to fight. I grew up with a histrionic mother and narcissistic father, I do Not want to fight I infact am very willing to work on us with him. I know I am not perfect and ask what I can do to make us stronger. Despite him being a really great father he is not emotionally very supportive. No one else sees it except me either, our kids are grown and that's when things have worsened when I didn't have the kids around to distract me it's staring me in the face our entire situation. If I would only smile and laugh along and act like nothings wrong everything would be fine. It's when I have an issue his entire demeanor shifts and he will leave or sit and wait for me to quit talking give me a one liner about how I want a fight is all. We don't bicker often at all because I avoid it but it builds up and I have to try talking to him. For example he'll be very nice and happy but anytime I have an idea he discourages it I could say the waters warm and he'd say it was cold. It's an almost 85% negate dispute rate, he will even defend people he doesn't think are nice if I make a comment like, "oh that was rude of them!" he'll actually go so far as to make excuses for them. It's bizarre and gets in the way of feeling connected to him I feel cast aside. I can suggest hey let's start a garden, how about we don't. So I start my garden alone. I went to him very excited to get certified as a Yoga Teacher and he told me I wasn't flexible enough🫥. I am now a Yoga Teacher. I'm not sure if it's because I have the nerve to do the things he doesn't want me to that bothers him or that I am not acting like a little house mouse wife. He has very little respect for me as a person. I raised our children at home and had to move with him for his work a few times so I had left my career so he could further his in my 20's. Now my children are raised and well rounded at that but I am here wondering what to do with myself. I have no friends I am an introvert and he uses it to his advantage. One other large issue is he makes plans and I am the last to know. He wrote an entire book on his own which is not published yet but I found out when it was finished because he happened to mention it in talking about something else, I was like what? He comes home from work and doesn't really talk beyond how are you, I have always talked and asked questions about his day and thought we were communicating okay but realized he's very vague and is only waiting for me to stop talking. He said once, "youre always talking and talking and talking". I have to ask the magic words to find out information he hides. He started working out and waking up early I found out he was planning to try out for something which I would be fine with and happy for him but why not share it with me. I told him last night he has a wall of contempt he's built between us and he said I know why. I asked why cause I don't I've been a good wife. He said, "you push your beliefs, fears and things you want to do on everyone around you." Then he admitted he felt he shouldn't have married me. After this much time and raising our children I am lost. I am an average mom/wife I don't have any hardcore beliefs. He is referring to me nagging him to eat better as his cholesterol is high and my fears of getting sick if he doesn't wash his hands after touching money, I have an auto immune disease. I can see how that would be annoying but I am not too bad I'd say average. The thing about pushing stuff I want to do isn't that normal, we make plans to go out with our kids family's and when I made my garden he felt I was controlling him and making him do it because I needed help with the fence. It's very dramatic I told him he didn't need to help I was fine. I moved to the other bedroom and feel very upset. When we married he'd joke when I'm 40 he was going to trade me in for 2, 20's. I don't think any 20's would waste any time on him. He claimed he was just joking but I feel like he's a stranger, he has not told me so much I have no idea what his personal life is and here I am heart broken. He also only seems to be cuddly or sweet when he wants to "be close" then he kind of goes back to being distant. He dislikes when I stay at my daughters he gets very lovey dovey and claims to miss me and act sad til I run back. Then hes normal again. I read Dr Ramani Durvasula's new book "It's Not You" and it helped alot and it's a sad situation. My adult children think were great but they have mentioned he doesnt get me much of anything on holidays they noticed that and him always negating me. I can't talk to them about it obviously but theyve been mad at him for not gettinh me a holiday present this past year and the year before. I fot him many presents as always which he usually gets annoyed about and returns the things I've gotten him. Is this what happens to most marriages are those best friend team like marriages just on hallmark or very rare? Maybe I am expecting too much hes a very basic man he likes his hobbies, action movies and eating. So, any advice is appreciated I feel like I don't know which way is up or down and hearing people's thoughts would be helpful, unless the comments are disrespectful I'd not waste time on trying to be rude I'm not putting energy into that. I will edit this later and try to make it flow better I'm sorry it's all jumbled if I don't just write I won't talk about it. Since I have no friends and my introversion makes it nearly impossible I am just clicking post. Thanks for any thoughts you can offer. It's appreciated. Tl;Dr : Husband negates and disputes most of what I say all while acting cheerful, when I ask him to try and be aware of it he claims I am acting "crazy". He also hides his personal life from me I find out after the fact major things he does at work or having to do with his friends. He seems to have no use for me as his social cup is filled and is very blank around me and doesn't seem to respect me at all. I've been a stay at home mother my children are grown and now I am lost feeling. I had left my career in my 20s for him and now am a yoga teacher but he has little respect for me. For example he does t introduce me to co workers on public and does not make me aware of work bbqs and such to go with him. Looking for advice and thoughts, thank you.

If this post isn't allowed here just say so and I'll take it down. Just after some advice with employment I am currently a non commission based sales rep on a hourly rate ( Won't mention the industry) the market is slow at the moment as it always is this time of year in the particular industry however current economic state doesn't help. Our manager and director a father son duo have been constantly complaining about the financial state of the company and how a restructure will happen and that people who don't do overtime will be the first to be let go however we all know they have a lot of personal hobby based stuff outside of the company that they need to look after which all goes through the company. all our work is done and completed well within time frames and I feel like I close and land jobs consistently alongside other reps even closed more work last week than the son who is gm and sales manager and he still pulled me to the side and told me my position in the company wasn't the strongest. I'm tempted to hand my notice in this week or would it be better for myself and other employees to get together and voice concerns.

Hello,
Our LO has slept almost exclusively in the SNOO or contact napped till 5 months old. While he does have some self soothing ability he doesn't take a pacifier and unfortunately has gotten into the habit of being rocked/bounced to sleep.
His nights have been all over the place he used to sleep a solid 8 hours consistently but not anymore.
The last two weeks have been awful at night time with hourly wake ups. We tried this past week to start naps on his crib with limited success. Finally yesterday we looked up some sleep training and let him cry it out in the crib during nap one, he did fall asleep after thirty minutes.
At nap two we tried again and he got so upset he threw up and we rushed in and feel like horrible people and are anxious to do that again.
I am stay at home dad and can do some of the nap training myself this week but I struggle with the millions of options and staying consistent. Leaning towards the ferber chart timing since it's very rigid and won't leave him alone for as long.
Any advice is appreciated.

Our baby (7.5m) usually sleeps in our room at home but we have a monitor just incase we need to use it for overnight trips or even if we just want to let him in the crib in the living room to have a night “alone”. With that being said we are at a friends house and the only place babes pack-n-play would fit is the 2nd guest bedroom they have; all was good, we are only here for a weekend not a big deal.
I will say babe still wakes up 2-3 times a night for a feed, I love it… I get sleepy baby snuggles and honestly it’s my favorite part of the day as my baby will. Not. Sleep. Anywhere - except the crib/pack n play. Contact naps have been nonexistent since he was 3 months old so those midnight cuddles are THE BEST.
Anyways. I drank some last night after babe was asleep for the night (babe takes formula not a big deal) but I may have indulged a bit. I never do but I did last night. His dad (my husband) doesn’t drink AT ALL so I knew babe would be fine and like clockwork babe woke up at 11:30pm for a bottle. We were all still awake playing Tapple (glorified categories) having a good time daddy fed him he went right back to sleep all was well.
That was until 3:30am when my husband woke me up saying “babe, I need you to get this feed so you can change him.” (He always needs to be changed for the “middle” middle of the night feed, he pees through… we have tried EVERY DIAPER!) I was awake immediately and said “oh yeah! Okay I’m getting up now.” I turned the monitor all the way down not to wake our friends and then… fell back to sleep???????? Who knows how long baby was awake - crying, before he realized no one was coming… an hour? Two? I don’t know… I feel AWFUL… like a horrible mom who should have known better, who shouldn’t have taken a “break”. I can’t believe myself….
I went in at 8am today to get him.. he was all smiles, he was happy and fine but he ate 6 oz for breakfast plus 3/4 egg, 1/2 cup of apple sauce, and 1/4 of a pancake PLUS ANOTHER 4oz to go to sleep for his first nap…. I feel like I starved my baby😭😭😭
Our friends SWEAR they or their dog didn’t hear him last night (pretty small house) but I can’t help but feeling like I let my baby down… mommy always comes… last night I didn’t and it’s killing me…

He tells me to cut my dose smaller by a third, if my bp is normalised after medication, and try to change to other medication (preferably his), on my own volition and not trust the doctors, as they are not the panacea. He reasons he has been doing it for 16 years and is in good shape (although he cant do anything more strenous than walking like running). I am usually wrong and i feel like he is wrong but i dont know.

I self harmed last night to the point that it required stitches. First time I've ever cut that deep. I've been clean for a while now, probably like a year, and now I just feel dumb and hate myself way more than I did before I sh'd. I don't want to look at my arm and I wish I had never done this. I feel so stupid and like a burden to everyone around me. I hope it doesn't take too long to heal because I leave to work in Florida soon and would rather not have any cuts on my arm. I barely even remember doing it because I was pretty drunk. It's just a terrible feeling. I made a split second decision that will affect/bother me for a long time now and honestly I do not know how to cope or how I can even get better with this huge reminder of my weakness on my arm. Plus with it being summer and the majority of my work being outside, it is going to be very tough. I also know the cuts are pretty noticeable so even if I wear a long sleeve shirt, people will eventually notice and it sucks because I have to think of a good story that doesn't make me sound insane. I know this is my own fault but if anyone has any advice on how to cope with my actions or what I can tell my boss/people I meet, that would be helpful.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
"That... Would certainly be appreciated. She's just outside."
And so, the two aspects of Atrosa, Logos and Celia, exit the medbay and fix up Chaos Meld, bringing it into proper working condition.
Max: "Ready for another drive, honey?"
Rachnia: "As I'll ever be."
Celia approaches Talios after finishing the repairs of Chaos Meld.
"I went ahead and threw in a tune-up for the Mana-Thrusters, it should use a bit less mana for flight mode now."
"Alright, thank you."
Chaos Meld: "All systems repaired and operational. Ready for combat, Pilot."
Finally, Max and Rachnia re-enter their mech, Weaver Of Fates. As the two enter and connect, the same thing happens as before. The cables attached to Max turn gold. Though this time, Rachnia's do too. A purple spider web pattern spreads across both their cables.
"All systems operational. Driver sync at 200%. The Weaver of Fates is ready for Combat."
"To protect and preserve, to carve a path for others to walk on, to weave the fate for the future, we stand and fight. Eldritch one. You've made your last mistake."
A large sword appears in one of the weaver's hands. It's alot like the one the Apostate of Misfortune wields, a form of Max very view of have gazed upon.
The Titanic Abomination in the distance can be seen wrestling with Aoi's projection. It seems to be overpowering even for the the Oni, but she has managed to hold her own against it. Jean can be seen flying overhead, using layers of defensive spells to buff and empower her.
Aoi: "YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT SHIT HUH? SARAH, BLAST EM!"
the beam of the Polyphemus aims straight for the beast's left eye, to try to distract it.
Cerne's silver swords are stuck in her own projection, like daggers in her back. Not out of hostility, but to enrage and empower.
Talios places a hand on Chaos Meld's ankle, and is warped into the cockpit.
"Switching to manual controls. Welcome back Pilot."
Chaos Meld pulls out it's greatsword, but it quickly changes into a different form. A war hammer.
《Mana-Drain Thrusters: 30%》
Immediately, Chaos Meld dashes in and attempts a powerful overhead strike on the abomination.
The blade of the Weaver Of Fates grows as the weaver takes hold if it with all four arms. A gigantic and ornate greatsword.
"To destroy those who wish for destruction, to end those who wish for annihilation. We turn their desired fates to their own selves. Face us, XYLFAPSAVEI, and die your final, fated death."
The thrusters on it's back and it's legs activate, burning white hot. It dashes forward at breakneck speeds, going for an upper cut to match Talios' strike.
The Titanic being Towers above everything, it's head nearly a full kilometer in the air. As Talios flies overhead and strikes down with the warhammer, it is effortlessly deflected by some kind of powerful energy field, and the same happens with the beam from the Polyphemus and the Weaver's attack. The exposed Brain sitting in the carved out skull psychically laughs, mockingly.
"You fools don't stand a chance before the power of a true God!"
Everyone experiences a flood of information entering their minds. it is a map of the beast, with a plan of attack.
Atrosa: "The thing has Shield Generators built into it's body that we're gonna have to take care of first. Your going to need to use your mechs to get inside, then fight your way on foot to the generators!"
"Talios, You use Chaos Meld and try to get under it's left flank, there is a hollow metal panel there you should be able to break open with your antimagic punch. Weaver, I want y'all to evade as best as possible while charging that cannon of yours, and wait until my signal that Talios has brought down the first generator. The second one is located in the right shoulder, but it's very heavily armored."
Talios: "Got it."
《Mana-Drain Thrusters: 60%》
Chaos Meld's speed increases massively. It begins flying around the abomination, trying to find an opening to the hollow panel.
"Ironsides, Wait for my signal, and when I give the order I want you to dump everything you have into this things Groin. Trust me on this."
The Weaver Of Fates armour plating shifts forward, as it stands guard before the Ironsides, ready to deflect attacks.
"Ready when you are."
Talios manages to fly around to it's left flank, Jean assisting Aoi in getting the abomination to lift it's arm, exposing a worn panel protected by a barrier.
Chaos Meld: "Target acquired."
Chaos Meld immediately dashes in with a superman punch on the worn panel, the anti-magic in the Chaos Meld being much more volatile. It causes black sparks to surge from the point of impact, all the mana in the vicinity being consumed by the sparks, essentially destroying the mana entirely.
The punch collapses the barriers and crashes through the panel, exposing a hallway leading down into the depths of the creature. The cockpit of Chaos Meld opens up, and Talios tosses a Chaos dagger into the exposed hallway, swapping positions with it.
Chaos Meld retreats back after it's pilot has safely entered the beast.
"Switching to automatic mode. Good luck Pilot."
The shipkeeper of the Ironsides, Ferra, has been preparing a shield disrupting shot amidst all this.
Ferra: "Awaiting command, Paragon of Preservation!"
The tunnels leads deep down into the chest of the mechanical eldritch horror, and opens into a large room with a massive glowing crystal. Around it, 3 mindflayer mages are focusing on some kind of ritual. They have not noticed Talios yet.
Talios summons his Chaos Blade, and another Chaos dagger into his free hand. Quiet as a mouse, he moves behind one mage... And immediately stabs his Chaos Blade into the throat of the mage. He tosses the Chaos Dagger at another of the mages, the dagger striking it's throat. Two down.
The final Mindflayer, in a panic, attempts to use a Mind Blast on Talios. But due to not having an actual brain... It is ineffective.
Talios charges the last one, shoulder checking it to the floor and proceeding to bash it's head into the floor once. Twice. Thrice. Fourice. Firice... What am I saying... Finally, he stops.
Atrosa: "Talios, hit that mana crystal with an anti-magic strike. Max, as soon at it shatters, fire your weapon into it's right shoulder!"
Talios walks over to the mana crystal. He widens his stance, placing his left hand fingers square on the center of the crystal. He takes a deep breath. Focuses...
《One Inch Death Punch》
He closes his fist, moving his whole body into the punch in an instant. The anti-magic freezes the mana in the crystal, while the punch itself could probably do some serious damage as well.
The jets of the Weaver Of Fates flare up, the armour shifts back, and they ready it's titanic greatsword to strike.
The attack greatly destabilizes the Mana crystal powering the first layer shields, causing it to shatter into thousands of pieces.
Atrosa: "Now Max, blast that thing with the shot you've been charging up and get ready to jump it!"
The railcannon fires straight into it's shoulder, weakening it significantly. The disruptor rune weakens surrounding materials, disabling magic caught in the blast.
The Weaver grapples onto the beast's side and runs upwards, reaching it's shoulder. A wound, large enough to fit the Weaver was made in the abominations shoulder, and after passing the fleshy, decayed exterior, they find themselves standing in a large room, and on the other side of a massive barrier lies a huge, spherical core of energy radiating a sickening divine light.
Atrosa: "Weaver, use a Godslayer rune on that divine core, that will render it mortal. Talios, you get back to Chaos Meld and get ready to scram. This is gonna get messy."
"Got it."
Talios sprints out of the hallway, leaping straight out of the abomination. Putting full faith in Chaos Meld to catch him as he falls...
And she delivers, soaring in and catching him mid-air, immediately warping him back into the cockpit.
"Welcome back Pilot."
"Charging up railcannon, rerouting power from all defensive systems."
"Firing Godslayer rune!"
The cannon fires at near point-blank range, smashing right through the barrier and into the divine core. This causes the mana with it to become unstable and explode outwards, leaving a massive hole in the eldritch corpse's chest. The Weaver is protected from the blast by a powerful barrier.
Atrosa: "Alright, Y'all get out too. Ironsides, Dump everything you got into that things crotch!"
Ferra: "ALL CANNONS, FIRE ON IT'S GROIN!"
The mortars, anti-material cannons, and artillery batteries all focus fire on it's groin, as the Railcannon is almost finished charging a godslayer itself. Aoi's Wargod projection moves out of the way to avoid getting hit, while Sarah fires her cannon in tandem with the others.
The barrage begins impacting the abominations groin, causing the structures holding it's legs together to collapse. Without a leg to stand on, it comes toppling down, landing forwards in the water. The massive tank containing the Elder Brain shatters on impact, and the seawater begins to cause it to shreak in pain.
Chaos Meld was flying around it when the abomination fell. Seeing the Elder Brain exposed, it grabs A.M.A.R from it's shoulder mount, firing 10 anti-magic artillery rounds into the brain. It only stopped because it had to reload.
Without the magic animating the Eldritch corpse, it begins to turn to stone, rapidly becoming overgrown with moss and sea life.
Talios sees the village below while flying, and notices the villagers trying to flag him down. He obliges, Chaos Meld descending down, gradually slowing its descent with the mana-drain thrusters. Once it lands, the thrusters power off entirely and it kneels, placing a hand on the ground. Talios is warped onto the hand.
A large man with skin the color of brass walks up to Talios. Judging from the draconic wings and tail, it's easy to tell that this must be the Half-Dragon chieftain.
"Thank you so much, great warriors! You have saved our village, and we are forever in your debt."
Talios: "...Just doing our job as the Crimson Paragons, chief."
A title with little meaning now. But it's all that comes to mind. Talios doesn't want to take all the credit...
The Weaver Of Fates arrive near the village, Max and Rachnia disembarking.
Max: "Good day, chieftain. I've heard much about you from Empress Aubade."
Rachnia looks like she only did a light exercise, instead of experiencing the same strain as before. Them being in sync seems to have done them both a lot of good.
The townspeople begin to gather around to thank their saviors, and the Chief, the Brass Half-Dragon Velzas, walks up to Max.
"I've heard good things about you, Maximillian. We've been appreciative for ARMADAs assistance for quite some time, and now we are truly in your debt."
Talios is busy being greeted and thanked by the villagers, when a large Lamia woman approaces him silently from behind, and picks him up into a huge hug. She gets a little carried away though, and accidentally squeezes him so hard that he can feel his body crumpling in from the pressure.
Talios visibly tenses up when he feels the Lamia grab him, but he quickly relaxes. He feels... Strange. An emotion unfamiliar to him.
With this action... A seed was planted in his mind. A seed that would quickly turn into something greater.
Max: "I'm surprised you all even remembered it's aid from ARMADA at all. Not exactly a catchy name, after all. Just glad to see you're all doing well."
Velzas: "Don't worry about the damages, it is nothing compared to the devastation that you have prevented. We've been acting as a sanctuary for dislocated demihumans such as ourselves for some time, and that does put us in indirect contect with ARMADA from time to time. You have been doing a service for our community that the world has always sorely lacked, and to call it gratitude would be a disservice."
Max: "I'll have a crew sent before noon tomorrow to assist with reconstruction efforts, chief Velzas."
And with that, the alien invasion had been stopped. All was well in Lantica once more. And Talios sat down on his chair in the tavern, having finished his retelling of this story.
"I'm never entertaining things like this again."
He will.
((BUT WAIT, THERE'S BE MORE! IT'S A TWO FOR ONE SPECIAL TODAY ON LORE!))