This is the first time I’m talking of this to anyone or on any platform and it’s just because I’m so ashamed of what has happened to me. When I started high school I was a straight A student in all honors classes. I had long pretty black hair with blonde highlights, I was a healthy weight and I loved wearing cute clothes. I barely went out and I focused on my studies and loved myself a lot. The end of freshman year my abusive mom called the cops on me after an argument we had, and the absolute worst had happened. Instead of taking a moment to understand the situation the cops took me to juvenile detention and I stayed there longer than I should have, about 2 months. I contracted scabies from there and the nurse there said it was just allergies from the detergent they use. I left riddled with scars all over my body and the anxiety I had there made them worst because of the picking. I had no support and I was so young and lost to everything going on. My own mom who called them even begged for me to come home just one day after but there wasn’t anything she could do. My grades dropped tremendously from then on I was so depressed I gained so much weight and I could barely take care of myself anymore after, I still can’t. I have to wear long sleeve shirts and pants to cover the scars I have but when someone saw them at school I was immediately treated like an outcast and everyone treated me like I had a disease, I go to a very big American school. I already cured the scabies after leaving detention but the scars still remain. I’ve dealt with severe depression since 11 years old, I’m very shy and quiet, to me my looks and grades were I all had to show. I know “looks aren’t everything” but the way people treat me now is definitely different from how I used to be. I just want my life to be how it was before but I know it’ll never happen. I have scars on my body that remain for life. From everything that happened I couldn't fight the mental battle anymore and ended up smoking weed as well as a few opioids something that me from freshman year would have never thought of doing. I don’t do those things anymore but I fell into a very dark route. I did online school and finished so I’ve been at home. I attempted suicide a week ago and I’m home now from the hospital. Anti- depressants and therapy hasnt worked for me. Some people have it worse than me I know, but I used to be a good kid and so pretty, in just a short amount of time my life has spiraled into nothing but emptiness and regret. I just want to be myself again but my body and mind is damaged enough I feel like it’ll never happen. I don’t have really have anyone to talk to about this, I sit on the internet seeing all these girls my age living normal lives something I so easily could have had. Please someone tell me if my body will ever be normal again, and how I can get rid of my scars. I just want the old me back.

So I was laid off at the big green around a month ago and have been struggling to find a new job. A little about myself: I have a bachelors from McMaster, a Master's from UTM and have passed the CFE. For my work experience, I was at Deloitte for 7 months and had a 4 month coop term at a small firm prior to that. Now I know my short tenure at Deloitte would raise some questions, but aside from that I feel like my profile should be pretty stacked for most of the jobs I've been applying to (mostly new grad and entry level roles). So far I've been rejeced from all of the other big 4 and GT, still waiting on a reply from MNP. I've also applied to a bunch of industry positions across Canada and have only recieved 2 callbacks so far (one of which resulted in a rejection). Am I doing something wrong or is the market really that bad right now? is my profile really just that weak? Everywhere I go, I hear about the CPA shortage. Is that all a lie?

Disclaimer, not looking for a diagnosis! I’m long past caring about that and, at this point, want to just find people who struggle similarly. I want to see what’s relatable and not, see if people can help put my feelings into words.
Recently I’ve been on the fence over whether I have autism or have SzPD: I got diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I have a lot of experiences I can relate to, but it didn’t quite fit.
I’ve always been apathetic towards what people think of me, I’ve been fairy decent at socializing and will scarcely have long conversations with peers in boring situations, i don’t have many sensory issues or eating diversions. I have a couple, but they aren’t serious and can be avoided easily.
I’m not socially anxious though! I actually can enjoy having dumb conversations about things I read or learn, but I don’t actively seek it out. I don’t have many friends in person and haven’t had much interest in making more or fostering what I had. I had some close friends, but they felt different and eventually that difference led us down different paths. Now it’s just uncomfortable to talk to them.
Speaking to people outside of talking about dumb interests has always been a chore, I often will entertain people who want to call me but I never usually want to in the first place. It just feels like something I have to get through to have some alone time. Same with hanging out or sleeping over with friends.
I have interests, but I’m not super passionate about them and they continuously change. I enjoy arts and learning, but get bored of it easily and will often never finish projects I make just out of a quick disinterest.
I debate a lot in my head and talk to myself, thinking about deep things and how things are connected: sometimes I wanna share what I learn, but it feels like no one listens anyways.
I don’t desire money, sometimes I dream about fame but it’s more because I like working on stories and I want people to enjoy them. I don’t want people to want to attribute those stories to me though, so I’ve considered making a pen name and hiding myself. I just want to hear people enjoy it, that’s it.
I have trouble taking care of myself, not to a bad degree but I do less than the bare minimum. I’ll wear clothes and shoes that are ripped, stained, baggy: I’ll keep wearing them until my parents force me to get new ones.
Usually my parents have to force me out and all of my social interactions these days are online. Jm perfectly happy with just that, since I can leave and join conversation whenever I feel like it, and I can join spaces where we can talk about something I like.
I would be happiest living in a cabin in the woods: a lot of people dread survival situations where they’re alone, but i don’t know it seems like a much needed vacation. Of course, Im not a survival expert so it’s not feasible sadly, but if it were I would’ve already left to be a hermit in the woods.

I am not exactly sure how I got my concussion. I believe it was from surfing within a week period and it could have been over time, but what did me in was going on a high altitude hike two weeks after my initial symptoms.
The first few months were terrible, I did not feel myself, My head always hurt, brainfog, anxiety, depression, mood swings, apathy, etc
Fortunately most of my symptoms have resolved these past 8 months, ever single one except headaches. These mostly result when I use my brain too much or too much screen time.
So far what’s really helped me is Cardio , a healthy sleep schedule, good nutrition and less screen time.
I’ve tried Hypobaric oxygen therapy but I am not sure if it’s helping I always have a headache directly after. I also take just about every vitamin possible.
I am starting to feel worried that these headaches will never go away. I tie a band around my head and that offers mild relief, but I just want these headaches to go away. I never dealt with headaches before my concussion.
I want to get back to surfing one day, but I would also feel very irresponsible about it if I still had these headaches, if all my symptoms were not gone already. I want to be able to surf without giving myself more brain damage.
Any ideas or advice on how to stop the headaches? I appreciate any comment, thank you.

(Asterisk)
I don’t think this post will last long.
One thing I’ve learned over these past few years is that life isn’t like the movies. In the movies, the widower learns to love again and they walk hand-in-hand into a sunset as the credits role. The trouble is, they never show the scenes in between.
I need to dump an old fashioned rant – it won’t make sense, I just need to say it… because I’m in one of those scenes tonight.
I don’t know what’s happening to me right now. Dotty saw it all over my face earlier and she asked me where I was. She’s so good to me and so kind. She wanted to know if I was okay. I was looking at her as she spoke but I had to look down and stop myself. Because I damn nearly told her that I didn’t know who she was.
It’s a simple relapse, nothing more. It’s just that it’s been a lot this week. And I loved her so much.
I have a rule with Dotty, and I would impose it tonight. It’s a good rule, really, and it works either way. All we have to do is say, “I need to be irrational for a little while,” and off we go - no questions. Though I know she hates not asking questions, but I always let her after.
I think PJ brought his mother closer when we had our rowdy discussion because that’s what he needed to do. Part of the deal we brokered was that he could remember her out loud, any time the moment struck him, and he has. We all talk about his mother every day and have from the moment she left – it’s not that. It’s just different with PeeJ. It’s more personal.
He said things that only he would – because PJ sees the world as only he does. Well, maybe not only. He sees the world like I do. And that’s the hitch.
Nobody tells you that the things you’ll miss the most are the little ones. He misses the little things. And for a while, he told me what they were. He misses, for example, how she always asked, “What am I?” before adding whatever fit the moment.
“Mommy, how do geese know when it’s time to fly south?”
“What am I, and ornithologist?”
He misses the way her ankle clicked when she walked, but only in the morning. He misses how she loved to sing, but never got the lyrics right. He misses how she would lead him down wild paths of fantastic stories just to get him to do things, and then blow it all up in the end.
“And it was because of that one book report that a young Hemmingway would change the world.”
“Wow, really?”
“No. But my point is…”
Suzie’s memory is alive in this house and will be for the rest of our lives. It’s just that, recently, it’s been less of a cliché. And I wonder if how I feel tonight is the way he’s felt all along. I don’t know if that makes sense. He’s just a boy; his view is different from mine; his world is smaller. But he sees it just like I do.
I come here to be honest because it helps. The things I can’t say out loud, and all that. The trouble is that honesty is a moving target where things don’t always stay true. In the moment, for example, I wish I had let Dotty go, because I want to be alone. I don’t want to have married again, it was a mistake. Tomorrow will be different.
It’s hard to love Dot and not feel as though I’ve betrayed another promise; it’s always in the back of my mind. And it’s hard to have these thoughts and not see Danny’s face that night, when he lost his temper and yelled, “She’s dead, Mack.”
It wasn’t supposed to be this way and I wonder if I've just been playing along.
I’m also conscious that something more is missing. I watched the boys playing basketball earlier and I watched Zach. He’s perfect. I’m fairly convinced that, had Zach not been hurt, I would have simply stopped living that night, in any real sense of the word. I hate me for that thought, but I’ve had it before. And I wonder if I would have been the same father. While Zach needed me, I had a reason – I will always see to the boys. I feel selfish seeing to me.
The moment in the car with PJ yesterday was substantial – I think I called it one of the most significant moments that I’ve ever shared. There’s a void now, where once there was guilt. People dream of being relieved of such a burden, and here I am wondering what to do without it. Typing that now, I think my epiphany is that if the boys are alright, then I have nothing left but to look at myself. I’ve known this, I’ve said this before. I guess it’s just different when the time actually comes.
I never had a moment to say goodbye – I never saw her again, not even after because they wouldn’t let me. I had no time to process it all and maybe that’s why I came here. If it’s true that in some weird way the idea that I didn’t have time to process it all saved me then, it’s killing me now. I think it’s hitting me at last, for as insane as that may seem and for all that’s happened since.
I’ve always been a simple man, astonished by my own fortune and eternally grateful for it. I came from nothing, but I had it all. I want to type “I still do” but losing Suzie breaks the math. And it feels like nobody will ever understand why. She was my life.
I’ve moved on, I’ve held the hands of my son as they moved on and I still do. I’ve found love again and I’ve motored through the transition with sincerity and a dose of frank honesty. I’ll never lie to Dot. And I do love her – more each day in fact. And I am astonished that the world would offer me something as wonderful, twice in a lifetime. But I hope you see that there remain some things that I still can’t say out loud.
Maybe I just need to feel bad tonight.

I’m not too sure if this is the right place to post this. Hell, I don’t know if anyone’s even gonna see it. I want to start this off by saying that this story isn’t to be taken lightly. I don’t want you to read this and try to copy what is done, instead take it as a warning. A warning to never play this game, a warning I wish I had gotten before I made that mistake.
I lived almost my entire life in the middle of Delaware, if you forgot that was a state I wouldn’t blame you. In my neighborhood there were 3 kids I always played with everyday. Kyle, Jimmy, and Seth. Our houses were close enough to each other that we played together whenever we had the chance.
We did all the typical things a couple 13 year old boys would do. Swimming in the local pool, going to the Walmart and buying nothing, or just hang in one of our basements and being jack-asses. It was almost a Disney-like childhood. Sleepovers were nothing new for us, I think we had one almost every weekend. What was new was not having any parents there to watch us.
Seth offered to host the next one and included that his parents were gonna be gone for the night. They were staying down at the beach and told Seth it would be fine for him to invite us over. Fine for him, not so much for the rest of us. I think me and the other guys pleaded and begged our parent’s multiple times to let us go.
Our parents knew each other and trusted us but the idea of 4 pre-pubescent boys being alone in a house was any parents worse nightmare. Somehow, by the grace of god, they agreed the night before. After all this time, I still wish they had denied us. Maybe things would have ended differently.
I wanna tell you about the events that happened that night that changed me into who I am. It changed my life and every families that was involved in it. This is the night I played Hide and Seek with my friends.
“Hide and Seek? Won’t that get boring with just 4 of us?” I asked suspiciously as I took a handful of Doritos from the bowl on the table. It was about 10:30pm when Kyle suggested we play a game so we could try and stay up later.
“Yeah man and besides, we have an Xbox.” Jimmy pointed out. Seth came walking down the basement with some sodas in hand, almost dropping the cans
“What are you guys talking about? You better not be thinking of touching my controller with your greasy hands Jimmy, not after last time.”
“It was an accident! I got you a new one.” Jimmy responded before chuckling a bit.
“No guys, I saw this on the internet a few nights ago. We have to try it.” Kyle said. He almost sounded like he was pleading with us.
Kyle was always the kind of kid to believe in spooky things. Ghost, werewolves, demons. You name it, Kyle probably believed it. I remember one time he somehow got us all to go in the woods with him during the winter to look for dog people that a YouTuber said was out near us. We all got the flu after that.
“Oh god, another one of these? Is it gonna be like that dog thing again?” Seth chimed in.
“It’s not like that, this one is real. I promise dude.” Kyle seemed genuine about it. I almost felt bad as the other guys called him stupid for it.
“Alright man, we try your game for a bit. Then if it’s a bust, we play Xbox.” I suggested. Kyles face lite up as he got some paper out of his bag.
“Who said you were in charge of deciding when to play my Xbox?” Seth questioned. I just shushed him as Kyle got some more stuff out of his bag. Candles, lighters, a knife. I would have hated to see what would happen if we said no to his idea.
“Alright, first. We gotta turn all the lights off. Not a single one can be on during the game.” We looked at each other before we went off to get the house started. I had been in Seth’s house almost as much as mine but there’s strangeness to it when the lights were all off. We got back to the basement where we found Kyle lighting the candles and placing them on the ground around the paper. As we sat around him I could see some words on the paper. “Ready or Not, here it comes”
“What’s that for?” I pointed as Kyle placed the last candle down.
“That’s to start the game. I saw these Indian guys play it and they said you have to start the game just like this or it doesn’t work.” Kyle answered as he slowly pulled the knife up and turned to face us.
“Now, we have to cut ourselves.”
“Like Sarah from home room?” Jimmy chuckled
“I thought that was a rumor?” Seth remarked as he leaned towards Jimmy
“Guys! Focus! Just a small prick on your finger. Then you put it on the paper.” Kyle demanded as he slowly pressed the knife tip into his finger
“This feels very, extreme. Is this safe to play?” I asked, seeing Kyle whence as blood slowly pooled on the top of his finger
“I think so, the guys seemed like they were having fun when they did it.” He held the knife towards me next, the guys watched as I reluctantly took the knife and plucked my finger. I did encourage us to play this for Kyle sake, I couldn’t chicken out now. The other two did the same, Jimmy had more tears then the rest of us but when he finished he handed the knife back to Kyle.
“Now?” Seth asked, rubbing his finger on his Pokémon pajama bottoms.
“Now, repeat after me.” We all listened to Kyle and repeated
“ 1, 2, 3. Ready or not, come find me.” We stared at each other. Silence filled the basement as our eyes kept darting to see if anything happened.
“Do you hear that?” Seth whispered We listened as the most quiet fart escaped him. He fell on his back and laughed. Jimmy joined him and so did I. We laughed and laughed, I looked to see if Kyle found it as amusing but was met with sadness. He looked almost heart broken, I knew he lived for these kinda things and for it to not work most have broken him. I moved to him and smiled
“Hey, at least we didn’t have to sit out in negative degrees to get results this time huh?” He smiled slight back
“Yeah I guess you’re right. I don’t know how those guys made it look so convincing.”
“CGI probably, my dad says that’s how most things are done like that.” Seth said as he got up to go turn the light back on. Before he hit the switch, a loud thud filled the room. I’ll never forget the look on his face as he rushed back to the floor where we were all sitting.
“W-what was that?” Jimmy whispered to me. I didn’t know what to say until Kyle reluctantly chimed in.
“It’s him, the seeker.” We sat still as another thud could be heard. Like it was right above us.
“What the fuck dude? S-Seth? Did you invite someone else over? Duncan or Josh maybe?” Jimmy was frantic with his questions as his eyes filled with tears.
“No, it’s him.” Kyle answered before Seth could respond.
“Who?” I asked
“The seeker. The person who plays the game with us.”
“Well tell him we don’t wanna play anymore.” Seth demanded, making sure to keep his voice down.
“We can’t, they said he plays until everyone is found.”
“What do you mean until we’re found?” I asked, I kept looking at the stairs. My brain was trying to wrap around what was happening while also trying to keep reason in it.
“It’s like hide and seek. We play until we’re all found or he can’t find us.” Kyle answered
“Ok, let’s go get found so the game can be over.” Seth tried to stand before Kyle pulled him down.
“No, we don’t wanna be found. Bad things happen if we’re found.” Kyle looked at the carpet as he said it. The thud got louder, almost like it was searching the house.
“Ok, ok. Then we should just stay down here right? If we hide down here it won’t find us….h-how long do we have to hide man?” I stuttered as I waited for Kyle to answer.
“I…I don’t know.”
We sat there in silence, thuds and crashes from upstairs made the silence somehow louder. I had wished it was all a prank. Seth and Jimmy loved pulling those and Kyle was usually the target for them. But I knew it wasn’t that, I knew this was real. I don’t know how it was but at that moment there was something upstairs, tearing the house apart trying to find us.
We stayed like that until Seth finally spoke “Let’s run.”
“What?” Kyle mumbled out, his face covered by his hands. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.
“Let’s run, the doors not to far from the basement entrance. We unlock it and run to a neighbors.” Seth looked for nods or any sign of agreement. Jimmy nodded and I slowly shook yes. I looked at Kyle, grabbing his leg and squeezing it.
“Come on man, we’re definitely faster than it. We’ll be out before it even sees us.” I smiled at him.
He looked up and slowly smiled, nodding. We all slowly moved to the base of the basement stairs. Looking down into a dark basement is scary, but looking up into a dark house is another whole kind of fear. I don’t know how long we took going up those steps but it felt like ages, we were slowly ascending into what could be our end. Seth held the doorknob and just stared at it. I knew he didn’t wanna be the one to open it, to potentially be the one to see what ever it was that was on the other side. I scooted around Jimmy and slowly turned to knob.
The door silently opened, the house was almost pitch dark. The only light we had was from the moon herself, shining into the windows and illuminating the destroyed house. He quietly but quickly moved towards the front door. I peered into the living room to see the chairs and couches turned upside down, some side table doors ripped off they hinges.
“Hurry up man.” Jimmy urged Seth on as he fumbled slightly with the deadbolt. I looked to see Kyle slight behind, close to the basement door. I moved over to get him ready to run
“Let’s go Kyle, we gotta get-“ I almost finished my words as I watched his face turn from scared to horrified. I turned slightly to see Jimmy on the floor crawling away from the door.
I’m not sure even after all this time how to describe what we saw that night. I had wished it was just a man. Some man that was in the house with us but it sadly wasn’t. The best I can try and give a description is to think of a Picasso painting. It had a crookedness to it. Its arm jagged and legs crumbled as it towered over Seth. Seth didn’t move, he didn’t try and fight. All he could do was stand there and look up to see its eyes peering down at him. It picked Seth up and like a rag doll threw him into the living room. A mean and disgusting noise came from his body as he hit the wall of the fireplace. I quickly got Jimmy to his feet and Kyle to snap out of his gaze. Me and Kyle ran to the bathroom as Jimmy made his to the kitchen. I locked the door as I tried to catch my own heart from jumping out my chest. “J-Jimmy? Where-“
My question was shortly answered as I heard Jimmy whimpering and crying outside the room. I unlocked the door and peaked out the crack. I watched “it” linger its way towards him and all I could hear was wet sounds. I quickly shut the door and relocked it. My mind didn’t really process what had just happened in what couldn’t have been more than 3 minutes. My two friends I had been with almost my entire life were gone, just like that. I sat on the cold tile floor as I listened to the thudding from outside. My breathing was dull as I looked to see Kyle shaking by the toilet. I slowly moved my self over and gave him a hug. I knew what he was thinking, I knew the horrible things he was saying to himself in his mind. I didn’t know how to tell him that what was happening wasn’t his fault. I’m not sure that even now I could find the words to tell him that.
“We’ll be fine, we just gotta stay here. It won’t find us.” I tried to reassure him.
“No, it will find us. We can’t stay here.”
“Kyle, Seth and Jimmy are dead. We can’t go back out there and run. I don’t know why we thought it would work.”
“No we…we…I need to get to the basement.” Kyle said, he looked up at me.
“Why? It’s a dead end there. It will-“
“Maybe, I can try and end the game. Rip the paper up…something, I don’t know.” I didn’t know what to say.
On one hand it was the only idea we had besides hiding and waiting to be found. On the other, I couldn’t bring myself to put that hope in his mind. To encourage him just to watch as it fails, He knew this as he came to his own conclusion.
“I’ll go down there, and you head for the coat closet. If it doesn’t work I’ll run back up and I’ll head there to hide with you. Ok?” He nodded to himself. I just stared at him as I nodded back slight. We stood up and slowly unlocked the door. It wasn’t anywhere we could see, which made it all more frightening. We slowly made our way to the basement door
“Good Luck” I whispered to him. He smiled and went our separate ways in the house. I quickly got in the coat closet that was almost directly in front of the basement door, and Kyle made his way down stairs.
That was the last I saw of Kyle, it wasn’t long after I heard loud thudding outside the closet door that quickly went down the stairs. All I could do was sit there, and listen as I heard the silent screams and the pounding of flesh over and over and over again. Soon the hits became more wet, and the screams became more silent.
I sat in the closet and accepted my fate. I slight covered myself with a fallen coat as I heard the thudding move around the house. It was only a matter of time before it got me, before it ripped the door open and I would be met with its horrifying figure. I looked out the slits of the closet door and saw the moon light shining through the windows.
I’m not sure when I fell asleep or even how I did. My body must have been so exhausted that it decided sleep was more important than survival. My eyes slowly opened to see daylight peering though the house. The night was gone and the day had come to save me. Although I was relieved I still forced my eyes shut. The small amount of what I saw was enough to make me do it. I saw the closet door was open, I didn’t wanna have them open as it might slowly peer from the corner and look at me. I didn’t want my last image to be that. I just kept them closed and covered my ears. And then I felt it. Thuds.
I could feel the thudding get closer, closer, closer. Two hands grabbed me, this was it. My flight or fight kicked in and I started to fight. Kicking, hitting, screaming. Anything I could think of I was doing.
“Calm down son, calm down. You’re safe.” Those words hit me like a wall, a calmness I hadn’t felt since the day before came over me. My eyes slowly opened to see the face of a young man kneeling in front of me, his hands holding my arms. He was a police officer.
“It’s gonna be alright.” He reassured me again as he slowly brought me to my feet. He walked me out of the closet and faintly said “Keep your eyes down kid, I’ll lead you out.” I think he said it more for himself, cause I knew what he didn’t want me to see.
Seth was laying in the living room, he’s body bruised from the impact with the wall and his bones broken.Jimmy was on the kitchen counter, multiple wounds and slashes were found on him. Kyle…I’m not sure what really happened to him. The reports on his body never came out. I just know I’ll never forget those sounds from when I hid in the closet.
Seth’s parents moved away almost immediately after the incident. Just left, didn’t take a single thing from that house. It was later taken down, I guess no one wanted to live in a house where something like that could happen.
I saw Jimmy and Kyles parents every once and awhile when I walked around the neighborhood. They would give me small smiles and waves and I would return them back. No more, no less. After high school I moved away for college, my parents knew why and never argued that I should stay closer.
That was a little more than 15 years ago. Few weeks back my dad called to tell me mom had passed away. He offered if I wanted to stay at home for the funeral, stay in my old room. I hesitated. I thought of that night every day for the past 15 years, never really bringing myself to wanna be back in that neighborhood. I refused and opted for a hotel a few miles away in town.
And that’s where I am now, in my bed writing my tale. I want you to take it as a warning, cause as I write this I know I’m not alone. It’s here, it’s in the closet of the hotel room. I can just make out its outline. It’s crooked legs crouching to fit inside, its arms slight poking out from some clothes, and its eyes staring at me. It knows I see it, and it knows I’m writing about that night. I’m not sure why now it decided to finish the game from all those years ago but here we are. Once I finish and close my laptop, it will kill me. My father will have to bury his son just moments after burying my mother.
I say this again, this tale is a warning. If I could I would go back and tell myself to never play that game. I would tell my parents to never let us have that sleep over. I would do everything in my power to stop that night from happening, to be able to save my friends. So please, I beg and plead to you, don’t play this game. Cause if you do, whether your ready or not…
He’s coming to find you

This is a long one, I don’t really expect much people to read it all but I feel a need to share my thoughts.
Official Music Videos or Promotional Videos (PVs)
I think this is the one thing that hurts me the most about Project Diva not being produced anymore…
The Project Diva PVs were really a huge thing for this game, the music videos really helped promoting songs from the game and gained a lot of traction online. There is this YouTube channel named googoo888 with tons of their videos hitting millions of views, sadly their last update was 6 years ago with Ghost Rule due to it being the last PV we ever got from Project Diva Arcade. Many never even found out where these music videos even came from and some even think googoo888 was like the official creator of these and he just stopped making videos.
Project Diva was technically the only source we had for Official Music Videos. Yes, there’s usually an animation that the original creators of songs utilize for their tracks, but, tracks getting a PV in the actual game made it feel official, it really felt like those were the official music video for the tracks since they always featured the same quality, animation style and modules.
Project Diva music videos peaked at the Project Diva F and Project Mirai games, there was storylines, there was incredible modules, there was amazing ideas, it was everything. Most of these got ported to Project Diva Arcade and most recent releases. To this day we haven’t got anything like it.
The disappearance of actual music videos started with Project Diva X, which focuses on stage performances instead of music videos. I actually really enjoy that game and the songs on it are pretty damn great but it was an experiment that for too many didn’t work out. I gotta give the game some props though cause the modules are top tier (literally to me that’s the best modules all characters ever got in years), the stages are actually really cool and some really work for me. “Amazing Dolce”, “Urotander, Underhanded Rangers”, “Ai Dee”, etc. are some of the PVs I feel are really great and actually work pretty well as music videos, there was some pretty good ideas there but it was quite sad these were translated to stages instead of fully produced music videos. The medleys were an incredible idea, all characters had modules for each stage and overall I think the game was fine. These PVs were never ported to the Arcade nor future entries. We never got the modules nor the tracks out of Project Diva X and to me that’s a huge loss. Imagine how famous some of these tracks would become if they were ported to recent entries and got posted by popular PD related YouTube channels.
Project Diva Mega Mix for the Switch came and we got some PVs… but only one new module, and that’s the closest we got from an actual music video, I consider Catch The Wave as the last music video we ever got. Other songs had PVs but no modules which was just so disappointing, songs like Alien Alien have an obvious possible module that could’ve been created but just wasn’t made for the song. Oh, we also got… animations, they added some songs featuring their original animation. I totally respect the original creators of these but seeing animations instead of actual PVs just feels wrong, it’s even sadder when you see the Vocaloid characters on these animations and imagine how their modules on an actual PV could look like, it’s even sadder when you see these modules actually exist but are only used in concerts and also when you realize there’s official choreographies that just never made it to the game either.
Project Diva Mega Mix+ for PC came and there was nothing new added, seems to be doing fine, not much is known about its sales but it has a lot of reviews and it’s always on the Top Sellers section of rhythm games.
I know money is a huge factor and probably the reason why there hasn’t been any more updates in years but as a huge fan of this saga is quite frustrating, especially seeing they keep creating modules and making some stage-like videos for the mobile game Project Sekai… none of these modules have made it out of that game either, maybe no one is interested on those but some are quite pretty honestly. Same goes for A LOT of songs.
Project Diva PVs were a huge factor for Miku to be known and it helped her fame a lot so I wish those came back someday. It may be quite delusional but I feel she could be even bigger today thanks to it.
Thank you for coming to my MIKU talk. <3

recently i've been trying to go through my memories from start to finish in an effort to understand myself more. it's a sort of self narrative therapy. in doing this i uncovered what i believe to be a sort of proto-memory. from now on i'll refer to this as "memory 0".
here is what i remember of memory 0 from start to finish; i was simply floating in a void, unthinking. i could feel my own human body, or at least i knew i had arms, legs and eyes. i knew i had eyes because i could "see" the void as well as the visual snow i had for my entire life. i could also see what sort of looked like a vague 2d elephant but then again that could've just been visual snow. it seemed to last forever in the moment but really it was only about 5 seconds until i was pulled into the rest of my body to experience memory 1 which was of a thunderstorm. i was about 4 years old at the time of memory 1 and my brain had immediately discarded memory 0 until i "found" it again.
memory 0 is one of the most vivid memories from my early childhood and i am entirely unsure of what to make of it. does it imply that my consciousness existed before my body has? does it imply that someone else has been inhabiting my body up until that point? is this complete bullshit my brain made up as a way to explain my existence? i have no idea. i'm hoping someone will see this and at least give me their opinion on what this is bc i have no idea

I need help/advice. here's my story. i'm 17 years old, 5 months from being 18. when i was about 10 i met a guy on kik messenger, who was 14-15. we were friends off and on until i was 14 and he was 18-19, when he started a relationship with me. it was very sexual and he would frequently ask for pictures which i would give. i was dealing with emotional and physical abuse in my home from my father, and i often felt worthless and that nobody loved me, so i would search for that love wherever i could, even in stupid online relationships/friendships. i was admitted to long term inpatient treatment from 14-16. when i got out, the man i had the relationship with was waiting for me. from january-april 2023 the relationship continued and it was even more sexual than before, but now he would frequently give me money and even sent gifts to my house. he once ejaculated on a sweatshirt and mailed it to me. he talked about planning to meet me and having sex with me as soon as i met him at the airport. he even told me he wanted to marry me. at this point i was 16 and he was 20. he had hundreds of sexual and non sexual photos of me dating back to me being 10 years old. if he ever knew i was talking to any male friends he would message them nasty things about me. he also would allude to having cartel relations, i dont know if this is true or not. once he sent me a video of a woman being stabbed to death by her boyfriend and he said that would happen to me if i left him. he knew and still knows my address. i ended up threatening to call his police department so he would leave me alone. almost a year later, yesterday, i decided to confront him. he says it was all my fault and if i tell i will get in trouble since i sent pictures, and also because the legal age in my state is 16 theres laws that he wont get in trouble. (even though the sexual stuff started when i was 14.) i feel so disgusting and used and i hate myself for what happened. i want to tell but im scared. will i get in trouble? what if he hurts me?

This is the first time I’m talking of this to anyone or on any platform and it’s just because I’m so ashamed of what has happened to me. When I started high school I was a straight A student in all honors classes. I had long pretty black hair with blonde highlights, I was a healthy weight and I loved wearing cute clothes. I barely went out and I focused on my studies and loved myself a lot. The end of freshman year my abusive mom called the cops on me after an argument we had, and the absolute worst had happened. Instead of taking a moment to understand the situation the cops took me to juvenile detention and I stayed there longer than I should have, about 2 months. I contracted scabies from there and the nurse there said it was just allergies from the detergent they use. I left riddled with scars all over my body and the anxiety I had there made them worst because of the picking. I had no support and I was so young and lost to everything going on. My own mom who called them even begged for me to come home just one day after but there wasn’t anything she could do. My grades dropped tremendously from then on I was so depressed I gained so much weight and I could barely take care of myself anymore after, I still can’t. I have to wear long sleeve shirts and pants to cover the scars I have but when someone saw them at school I was immediately treated like an outcast and everyone treated me like I had a disease, I go to a very big American school. I already cured the scabies after leaving detention but the scars still remain. I’ve dealt with severe depression since 11 years old, I’m very shy and quiet, to me my looks and grades were I all had to show. I know “looks aren’t everything” but the way people treat me now is definitely different from how I used to be. I just want my life to be how it was before but I know it’ll never happen. I have scars on my body that remain for life. From everything that happened I couldn't fight the mental battle anymore and ended up smoking weed as well as a few opioids something that me from freshman year would have never thought of doing. I don’t do those things anymore but I fell into a very dark route. I did online school and finished so I’ve been at home. I attempted suicide a week ago and I’m home now from the hospital. Anti- depressants and therapy hasnt worked for me. Some people have it worse than me I know, but I used to be a good kid and so pretty, in just a short amount of time my life has spiraled into nothing but emptiness and regret. I just want to be myself again but my body and mind is damaged enough I feel like it’ll never happen. I don’t have really have anyone to talk to about this, I sit on the internet seeing all these girls my age living normal lives something I so easily could have had. Please someone tell me if my body will ever be normal again, I just want the old me back.

SPOLIERS FOR SEASON 3:Hii, other Liv and Maddie fans! i used to watch the show as a kid and i am now revisiting it as a teen and I'm on season 3. If some of you remember Liv and Holden had to break up because he felt like the relationship was kind've one sided when it came to his feelings which is valid but the way it happened irks me. So Maddie and Josh go on a date at goofy Gary's (I think that's the name) and an interviewer takes a photo of them together thinking it's Liv because when that interviewer talked to live on tv earlier in the episode Liv said she didn't have time for a relationship. The interviewer makes an update on that and "exposes" them by posting the photo saying that Liv lied and she actually does have a bf. Now Liv is very calm about the situation but Holden is upset because he doesn't want to hide their relationship and now everyone thinks she's with another guy so he asks her to fix it. But when Liv tells Maddie the situation Maddie tells Liv not to fix it because she doesn't want her ex bf Diggie (they broke up cause he went to Australia) to know she's with another guy through the internet. Liv listens to her and Holden is even more upset which leads to their breakup and its really sad, BUT, what irked me was that in the very next episode Diggie comes back to surprise Maddie and take her back after seeing the video and Maddie tries to play it off and say its Liv and not her but Diggie has always been able to differentiate Maddie and Liv from literally the first episode. Why would Maddie make Liv make that sacrifice if she knew (I know logically its for plot). Like she sabotaged Liv's relationship and if it weren't for what she did they'd probs still be together tbh.(or at least longer then they were) Sorry for the rant but if anybody else watches the show pls give feedback!! ((And also who do you think was the better twin?(in terms of sacrifices and understandings and stuff))

i’ve told myself for the last decade or so that this would be the summer i finally kill myself and i really feel like i’m at my limit, so i’ll try to make this a good one before i attempt again

I was lying in bed enjoying my night with a drink of rum and doom scrolling on YouTube when I get a phone call from my mom. I answer and she asks me if her husband (my step dad is okay.) “I said I think so, (since we work together I saw him leave work and head home) do you want me to go check up on him?” She says yes and so head over to his place and he’s just lying in bed like me but doom scrolling through the channels on tv. I asked if he was okay and he said yeah so I told my mom, and she told me that she was just leaving the hospital for an assault. And I’m like, “WHAT!? And she said that she had been trying to get a hold of everyone and I’m the only one who answered, so I tell my step dad that she had been trying to call him (his phone had died so it took a minute). So I hang up so he can answer and then she proceeds to call me gullible. And I just don’t even know what to say about that. She was never assaulted. And I feel like I was taken advantage of. I feel like my care for someone who I love was taken advantage of. And knowing her I can make no moves or statements about it that result in a longstanding aggressive fight. So I’m venting here about it, but for myself all I can say I guess is you cried wolf enough now, I won’t believe it a second time.

Cover Art!
Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 216] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 218 May 28 or see the next chapter now on Patreon]
The Fractured Song Index
Discord Channel Just let me know when you arrive in the server that you’re a Patreon so you can access your special channel.
Frances and company catch up before the final battle.
***
“Hold on. How would he win this battle if we outnumber him and surround him?” Ginger asked.
“He could target our leadership. Focus on killing Titania, Antigones, you and Martin,” said Ayax.
“Only, he’d have to kill Sebastian and Megara, as well as Edana and you too, Frances, along with a whole list of targets. I’m not sure how he could pull that off,” said Elizabeth.
Ayax grimaced, brow furrowed, but Frances knew the answer to that question.
“Thorgoth doesn’t need to find half the targets he’s after. Myself, mom, Titania, our strongest mages and the rest of the people that will be on his list have leadership positions. Like it or not we’ll be involved in the battle and he just needs to find us on the battlefield. A well-placed spell and he’d snuff any non-magic person out,” Frances said.
“So what do we do then?” Martin asked.
Frances’ heart was pounding, for she knew the answer, but was afraid to give it life. Yet what could she do but tell what she knew was the truth?
“Take the battle to him. Thorgoth will have to operate by himself with maybe just his Royal Guards. We need to hold him and his escort and defeat him before he hurts everybody else.”
“So, all the Otherworlders, our best mages?” Ayax asked.
“Not all of them. But my mother and I, Jessica and Leila, Dwynalina and Jim and Nicole, with a few Otherworlders holding off his guards,” said Frances.
Elizabeth pursed her lips. “Ayax and I can go after Queen Berengaria. I can’t imagine her going far from her husband.”
“This is assuming we can at least split the attention of the dragons and keep them occupied of course,” said Martin. He touched Ginger’s elbow. “Not that I don’t trust you dear.”
“Oh I know, but it is a consideration.” She swirled the wine in her cup. “That means Martin and I will be directing the battle with Sebastian and Alexander.”
“It’s likely you’ll be the overall commander with Martin. Alexander and Sebastian would then take charge of their own contingents,” said Elizabeth. She bit her lip. “Do you feel up for it?”
Ginger shrugged. “I mean, we have to—”
Elizabeth reached out to pat her friend’s shoulder. “Martin, Ginger, you know we have every faith in both of you, but if you need help, there is no shame in asking for it.”
“Besides I think we’re all scared. I know I am,” Ayax said with a smile. Even so, they could all see how her tail looked like it was trying to twist itself into knots. Frances figured her cousin wasn’t trying to hide her fear, just trying not to alarm or panic them.
Martin sighed. “I think that’s the problem, Liz. Duty compels us. Love binds us. So I know no matter what happens, I know we’ll stand together to face him. Still, we are afraid and while I know I won’t run, I worry that fear may cloud my judgment at a crucial moment.”
Ginger wiped her eyes, but her tears now flowed freely down her cheeks. “How do I know I won’t panic, and make a bad call? How do we know we are all coming back? We can’t. I…I guess we have to accept that, but I don’t want to lose you. Any of you.”
Drawing her friend into a tight hug, Elizabeth gently patted Ginger’s back. “I don’t either. I suppose that for me, I’ve always looked to my faith in God, and in you all. Have we not triumphed in all we’ve faced?””
Frances found herself nodding, her throat unclenching and the tight nervousness in her shoulders and neck fading. What remained was a faint feeling of lightness that lifted her chin.
“You’re right. We should believe in ourselves, and hope. Hope for a future when we win this war. Hope that our good will triumph over Thorgoth’s evil. Hope that in a few days, we’ll be home with our family, and our friends.”
Martin gave Frances a wondering look. “How are you able to hope that?”
Frances smiled. “I think that I have always been good at having hope. I didn’t realize it until now, but even in my darkest moments, I always hoped that I would find a place where I could be me.”
Ayax stood up, raising her glass. “To faith, friendship and hope. May it see us all through our final trial.”
Rising to their feet, the five touched glasses and drank deep. They all were smiling. The pain and fear in their hearts soothed by the hope they held and the determination to see each other once again.
***
“Frances, can I walk with you?”
Frances would never have said no to her best friend, and she could tell that past Elizabeth’s bright smile, her friend was worried. There were just too many small signs learnt from years of friendship. She was scratching behind her ear, and her eyes were narrowed just slightly from the tension in her face.
“Of course,” said Frances, falling in beside the tall Otherworlder. “How are you and Ayax?”
Elizabeth giggled. “We’re great! Fantastic even. She and I are even talking about what we might do after the war. We have so many plans and well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that.”
Frances waited as Elizabeth continued to walk beside her, lips pursed.
“I know that after the war, I’m choosing to stay here with Ayax, with all of you. I just…” her voice trailed off, and her walk slowed to a crawl.
Taking a slight breath, Frances touched her friend’s hand. “Liz, you know it’s okay for you to doubt that.”
Elizabeth stopped and shook her head. “Oh no, I don’t have any doubts about my decision. At the very least, I’m past the point where my doubts aren’t going to change my decision. I know I’ve changed too much in the past seven years. I’ve come to terms with my sexuality. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with a woman who loves me just as much. I’ve commanded armies, led soldiers into battle and helped to make decisions affecting hundreds of thousands of people. I can’t go back pretending I’m Grade 8 and neither do I want to.” She squeezed Frances’s hand. “My decision is the right one. I know it in my heart and I’ve prayed about it. I can do a lot of good here and me going back? That won’t just hurt the people I love here, but it’ll hurt me and my family at home. I can’t hide who I’ve become and I’m proud of what I’ve grown into.”
Frances closely studied her friend knowing Elizabeth wouldn’t mind her staring.
“So what are you feeling, Liz?”
Closing her eyes, Elizabeth sniffled. “Guilt. It’s stupid. I know I’m making the right choice. I’m sure in my heart that God is encouraging me to make this choice, but I still feel guilty.”
“How could you not? You know your family loves you.”
“And I’m abandoning them. I know I’m doing the right thing but I still feel like I’m doing something wrong,” said the Otherworlder.
Frances hugged her best friend, squeezing her tight, hoping that her warmth and touch could comfort the woman who she’d trusted as much as her own mother.
“Liz, if they are everything you told me, they’re going to be alright. Have faith in them, like your faith in me and your friends.”
Elizabeth let out a sigh, but returned the hug. “Thank you, Frances. If…if the worst comes and you are sent back without me, go to them. Tell them I love them.”
Tears in her eyes, Frances nodded. “I promise. If you are sent back, I will take care of Ayax.”
Elizabeth let out a gurgly hiccup. “Thank you. I know you will.”
***
The historic coronation of King Martin and Queen Ginger would found what would be known as the Congrey dynasty. Con for Conthwaite and Grey for King Jerome’s dynasty.
It was an unusual coronation as King Martin and Queen Ginger were long-betrothed but not married. Yet King Jerome and Queen Forowena’s wills had been clear. Apart from that, the coronation involved as many of Eridale's traditions as possible in light of the circumstances.
Down the parade route attended by all those that could be mustered, King and Queen marched in at the head of an honor guard composed of their closest companions. These included Frances, Elizabeth, and Ayax, who held three poles of a crimson banner that hung over the pair. The fourth corner was held by Martin’s sister Mara, who wore a slightly undignified grin. Yet, nobody could really blame her.
Martin wore a black-white checkered tunic with red-gold trimmings and shoulder epaulets. His trousers were dark gray with again red-gold tassels. Ginger did wear a dress. It was of a dark maroon with silver lacing. A bejeweled gorget studded with emeralds hung from her neck and her ears sparkled with dark blue sapphires.
There was one minor alteration. As the procession marched up to the entrance of the old Goblin Empire palace, on a raised wooden dais dressed with elaborately embroidered carpets stood the attending dignitaries. They included all the other Erisdalian lords and ladies such as Viscountess Katia and Lord Tarquin, dressed in all the finery they could muster. Other notables such as Prince Timur, representing the Kingdom of Alavaria, Grandmaster Edana of the White Order and Alexander and Eloise of Erlenberg stood proudly side by side.
Towards the center of the dais were three figures. King Sebastian and Queen-Consort Megara, and the former Queen Janize. Sebastian and Megara were standing, holding Queen Forowena’s crown, whilst the heavily pregnant Janize sat, holding King Jerome’s crown. Thorgoth may have taken their decorated helmets, but he did not have their ceremonial attire.
Martin and Ginger stepped out from under the awning, giving their bearers a brief nod, before taking the last steps up the dais.
Whistling a spell, Megara touched her throat with her wand. “Who stands before the crowns?”
Martin knelt to one knee. The bearers of the awning followed. “Sir Martin of Conthwaite. A Knight of Erisdale.”
Ginger curtsied low. Frances nearly split her lips as she grinned at her friend’s perfect form. “Ginger. Just Ginger of Erisdale.”
Janize’s expression was unreadable as she rose to her feet. There was a slight archness to her features, and yet that could just be how she lifted her haughty cheeks.
“As witnessed by all, and by the King and Queen of Lapanteria, do you swear to defend Erisdale with all means at your disposal including force of arms?”
“We do.”
“Do you swear to uphold the laws of the land and the rights of Erisdale’s citizens?”
“We do!”
“Do you swear that until your dying breaths, to govern and reign over Erisdale not for your benefit, but for the benefit of the people and for their future generations?”
From her kneeling position, Frances frowned. That wasn’t quite the right oath. The wording was “Do you swear to govern over Erisdale wisely and justly?” She supposed that she might have missed it, or maybe there was a variation.
Yet as she noted her fiance’s face, she noticed his eyes were wide and her mother’s eyebrow was arched.
Not skipping a beat, Martin and Ginger bellowed. “We do!”
“Do you swear that you will do your utmost not to make the same mistakes as your predecessors and do whatever it takes to preserve Erisdale’s peace, even if it may cost you your lives?”
Frances blinked. Janize had gone completely off script. There was no fourth oath.
However, Martin and Ginger only hesitated for a moment as they exchanged a glance and looked up to meet Janize’s gaze.
The blonde woman’s eyes were bright and the hands holding Jerome’s crown were trembling ever so slightly. Frances had wondered why she’d insisted on doing this. Martin and Ginger had wanted to approach her to ask if she was willing, but the enigmatic former queen had surprised them by demanding they allow her to crown them. She now had an idea as to why.
“We do,” said Martin, smiling.
Ginger returned that smile. Blinking back her own tears, she took a breath. “In the name of Queen-consort Forowena and your brother, King Jerome. We solemnly swear.”
Janize closed her eyes, a single tear running down her cheek.
“Then as the last heiress of House Grey, I pass the crown of Erisdale on forever. Long live the Congrey dynasty. Long live Martin the Hero of Erisdale and his queen to be Ginger, whom I dub Erisdale’s Burning Heart.”
Lifting Jerome’s crown high, she set it onto Martin’s head. Swiftly taking Queen Forowena’s crown from Sebastian, she set it on Ginger’s head.
“Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger!” Janize bellowed as Martin and Ginger rose to their feet.
The crowd chanted back, their voices filling the great cavern. “Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger! Hail King Martin and Queen Ginger!” Frances could barely hear her own voice over the crescendo. The call that they all raised. Like the sound carried up into the void, she could feel herself be carried up. It was like she was floating on the power of their united song.
Turning around, Martin and Ginger smiled at Frances. Their eyes were wide, and she could see them clasp each other’s hands tightly.
Frances found herself standing on her feet, the pole to her awning in her hand. Without a second thought, she stabbed the pole’s spike into the ground. As her hand dropped to Alanna, she paused for a moment before her mind caught up with her body, and she nodded as if to herself.
Drawing the estoc, Frances raised her blade high, saluting her two friends.
“Long may they reign! Long may they reign!”
Elizabeth was right behind her, hammer raised high. Ayax followed suit with her staff and Mara and the rest were soon drawing their weapons. From the corner of her eye, Frances even spotted Morgan and Hattie raising their wand and staff.
“Long may they reign! Long may they reign!”
***
Helias glanced over his shoulder toward the accursed city. Despite the distance, there was a tremble in the air of Kairoun-Aoun itself.
“Helias?” Sara asked.
“Sounds like they crowned Martin and Ginger. They’re going to attack soon,” he said.
Sara nodded, her tense jaw the only sign of the worry that had seized the harpy-orc. As gently as he could manage with his rough, scarred hands, he wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Sara. We’re going to be fine.”
“You’re lying,” she said with eyes fixed forward.
The general couldn’t help but wince. “Sorry.”
Slowing in her stride, Sara placed a hand over Helias’s. “I still appreciate you trying to comfort me but I would prefer you to tell me the truth. How bad is it?”
Helias looked around. “Thorgoth may pull off a miracle and get himself and Berengaria out. However, a lot of Alavari are going to die.”
“What are you going to do?” Sara asked.
“I’ll have to attend this meeting and see what Thorgoth is planning. We’ll make a plan after that.”
“You and I know it’s not going to change anything,” Sara said, looking up at her husband, who could not meet her gaze. Yet, she didn’t push him away. Instead put her hand around his waist, drawing him closer.
“I know, but I want to be sure,” said Helias in a low tone.
“I understand. See you soon,” said Sara.
***
Helias found himself exchanging side-long glances with Glowron. The pair sat, both leaning forward toward King Thorgoth and a pacing Queen Berengaria, who’d finished explaining tomorrow’s strategy.
“Do you have anything else to add, my good generals?” Thorgoth asked. The king still smiled easily as he swirled a cup of wine in his hands.
Glowron shook his head. His tone was short but he kept this expression neutral. “No sire.”
The goblin general was Helias’s superior in rank and social class. The fact of the matter was that if Glowron had no objections, then there was no way the tauroll could object.
And still, Helias felt bile rise in the back of his throat. He froze, ever so briefly. Closing his eyes, he shook his head. Nothing mattered, except for Sara and Gwendilia.
“No sir. I’ll have my troops ready for tomorrow.”
That should have been that. They would have been dismissed to prepare for tomorrow’s suicide mission, but the king’s whims had other plans.
King Thorgoth put his cup down and leaned forward. “Oh come on my good generals. Surely you have something to improve on this plan.”
Glowron’s expression remained blank, whilst Helias smiled. “Your Majesty, you were the one who taught me everything I know. I can think of nothing I can add to your strategy.”
Queen Berengaria strode toward him. “You’re usually so talkative, Helias. Are you sure you have no other thoughts?”
“I beg your apologies, but I do not have any further additions to your plan, Your Majesty. My lord Glowron?” Helias asked.
“I do not either, my liege—” Glowron fell silent and Helias’s tail stiffened.
Thorgoth and Berengaria were no longer smiling and with a few more steps, the harpy queen had put herself behind the two generals.
“Let me be plain, we are now not asking you about how to improve the plan. We are asking for your thoughts. Give them.”
The Demon King’s remaining dark eye was narrowed. The other was now covered with a black silk eyepatch, the remains of the scar that Queen Forowen had given him, a discoloration scouring a line along the side of his face and right over his ear. In spite of the king’s injury, Helias felt nothing but cold dread dry his mouth.
“Your Majesty, my only thought is that we have no option but to follow your plan. No matter how we got into this situation, the only thing we can do is go forward and try to win this day,” Glowron said.
“And do you blame me, Glowron?”
Helias watched, eyes wide as somehow the much smaller goblin general continued to meet the king’s eyes. “I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t assign some responsibility to you at all, but I believe we ought to have thought of the possibility of such a trap. So the responsibility is mine as well.”
Thorgoth nodded. Out of the corner of his eye, Helias saw the slightest of nods that Berengaria gave to her husband. Alarm shooting his gaze back toward the Demon King, Helias found the full attention of his sovereign and sometimes uncle directed right at him.
“And you, General Helias?”
Lie and he might not be able to make it convincing enough. Tell the truth about what he thought about this war and he was never seeing Sara and Gwendilia again. Thorgoth hadn’t just been hurt, his pride had been wounded and he was now backed into a corner. It would be unwise to anger him, but what to say? What could he say?
All he could think of, and see was his child and her adoring gaze. All he could feel was the touch of Sara’s hand against his. They’d become closer than he could have imagined and were more than just companions with mutual goals now.
If he was to die, then maybe he could tell this truth.
“I am mostly thinking of my wife and my child, my king. The coming battle has me greatly concerned with how dangerous it shall be.”
Thorgoth narrowed his eyes at Helias for a brief moment. The tauroll, staying very still, waited for the presumed reaction by Berengaria.
Whatever Berengaria did made Thorgoth arch an eyebrow.
“I thought you didn’t consider your wife to be worth much,” said the king in a mild tone.
His mind racing, Helias ran with the idea. “She has responded well to the constraints and discipline I’ve enforced on her. She does nothing but facilitate all my needs and has served me well.”
He could feel Berengaria’s eyes narrow, but Thorgoth was already leaning back onto his chair. “Good for you. You are dismissed.”
“Thank you, sire,” said Helias, almost unable to hide his sigh of relief.
***
Author’s Note: While I wish I could have spent more quality time with Martin, Elizabeth, Ginger and Ayax, I do love the best-friend/team that I created for Frances. This chapter and the last was my little way of giving each of them a bit of time with Frances before the final battle.

It's late, I'm tired, and these are the fictional scenarios I'm coming up with to keep myself awake because I can't sleep yet. Please help me not fall asleep.
My picks would be: PowerBeatsVR because I guess I'll need some fitness in prison because I'll just lay around all day in a small cell. Why not get jacked and shredded in the meantime and leave as a free, good looking man instead of the hobo I am right now. Skyrim VR because it's one of my favorite games both in flatscreen and VR, and with all the mods I'll have something to do for literal months. Walkabout Mini Golf for when I want to feel cozy and warm, at least for just a few hours. I guess I'd need that in prison.

Hi guys, I've recently started music production and am currently trying to see if its possible to create a bright guitar tone with slight distortion (like this video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0lgkKnVY3I) using free VSTS (I'm currently using FLEX guitars + the free version of Guitar Amp 7).
I've done some research and tried boosting mids and adding a bit of overdrive + compression but I feel the tone is very thin and not as crunchy as the one in the video.
I know that it might be impossible to recreate this kind of tone with the free VSTS I'm using, but I'm testing this out as a way to learn more about different guitar effects as I'm looking to invest in a guitar soon. I'm mainly wondering if the main reason for why I can't recreate this sound is my lack of understanding of guitar effects, or if its just the quality of the VSTS and Amps.
Any hep is much appreciated :)

I’m part of a few mental health subreddits but this is my first post in this one. I see a lot of posts about not having any close friends/connections at a certain age and I’m 39 and after losing a friend to a drug overdose 12 years ago and completely falling apart, losing my job, and then subsequently losing a lot of friends I am starting over and feel like I have no idea who I am and it feels so scary at this age to be starting over. I have a couple of friends I talk to and hang out with but sometimes I feel like I’m compulsive about things and instead of letting life happen naturally now I have a lot of trauma responses that make me feel afraid to be myself. I was not like this before my friend passed, always struggled with anxiety and depression, but never like this. Before this I was much more outgoing and always had friends, but I did always struggle like k said with anxiety and depression. I know I have good qualities underneath everything, but my grief, depression, and trauma has taken a lot from me. Any advice on rebuilding? I just completed an IOP program by me for Trauma and DBT and feel more grounded than I have in years which is a good step, and even feeling my anxiety going down. But now I’m left with a void. I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life and almost acting just to get by. I feel like outside of my family and a couple other people I don’t have anyone I feel very connected to. Getting to know new people at this age is really hard and there’s a lot of times I feel hopeless and like my life is completely over and that I will never have a life like I had before my friend passed 12 years ago.

So my boyfriend invited me to come with him and the soccer fanclub on a day trip (leaving 10am, home by 1am) to watch the team play in Seattle. It's free and they have some spare tickets, but I'm under 19 (18F) so I need to sign a waiver from my parents. We're from Canada. It's a recognized fanclub of the soccer organization, and its all funded by them. Except for food lol.
I ask my mom and dad nicely if they can sign it, my dad is chilling. But my mom is not comfortable with the fact I'm going into another country. She's worried something may happen to me , and I'll be home quite late. She's HELLA religious, and( traditionalFilipino mom)to be honest I'm not. Idk, I'm figuring it out but it's a quite traditional Christian church.
I get my father to sign it since he's okay with it and excited for me. Hes not religious but jokes that "is Lord going to be with her!?" My mom just leaves the living room going like " she never sets aside time for God!" And locks herself in her room. Whenever she gets upset with something I do she'll give me the silent treatment.
She usually keeps our passports and I'm worried she would not give it to me at all cause I didn't "obey her". I was talking to my boyfriend about it and he sent me the law about how it is a crime to keep/conceal ones travel document.
She starts sending me texts "ur Dad consented to it I m saying I m out of the picture cause what you did is an outright act of disobedience of my will....yeah ur 18 and can go anywhere u want..abd whatever I say is garbage! Shame ur telling me about crime stuff...what about disobeying God s law? It s a crime more than a crime! "
I didn't realize, and she actually gave me back my passport, threw it on my bed. Didn't realize because I was in the kitchen. Apologized for making an assumption about a crime but, honestly. 😒😒😒
It feels like she is pulling the "God card" into making me feel bad for going to travel. I'm like 18, I have a part time job. I just passed and finished my 2 semesters in college. I'd like to travel more this summer and explore beyond my hometown.
I know parents aren't always going to agree with everything you do, but this is daunting. Like okay if I want to do something of my own, in this case traveling, she's going to make me feel bad about it? Even worse saying I'm "disobeying God" 🤣😭 Since I do live under her house, I have no choice to go with her to church. I've been going consistently, so I don't get why she's getting upset over a day trip.
Anyways, she's ignoring me full out. Silent treatment as always. I appreciate if you read this far, don't know what to do at this point. Part of me feels guilty for doing what i want, but I'm also tryna embrace it and not let her disapproval get over me. Not sure what to do and how long she's going to be acting like this around me. It's so annoying and makes me feel like she doesn't care about me because I chose something for myself.