Me (23 M) and my gf (25 F) have been dating for around 1.5 years at this point. Near the beginning of our relationship I moved in with her but also lost my job at the time. I was unemployed for around 3 months and then the only job I got was minimum wage at a restaurant. During that time period I was home a lot bc I wasn’t working, so I picked up the slack and cleaned the house almost every day (laundry, dishes, cat messes, etc). She would cook meals we had at home because she is very particular about how/what she eats… and doesn’t like how I cook food (totally valid neurodivergence moment).
Fast forward to now, I have a full-time graveyard job with more hours than her and making more $. I work 3-4 straight 12+ hour nights and am fortunate to usually have 4 days off, two of which we share days off. We both are fairly laid back people so chores usually pile up to where they NEED to get done and I’ve been trying to be proactive when I can, she does not even when she says “the dishes need to get done, I’ll do them” and then doesn’t do them.
Recently she’s been very rude when it comes to chores and has stated “things only get done around here when I’m here” which is a complete and utter lie. She hasn’t done a full load of laundry (from starting it to folding and putting away) in around a year and I am constantly doing a giant pile of dishes when I wake up on my days off after working because I want to make it easier for her.
I recently snapped back and said “what you’re saying in completely untrue and it’s hurtful to me and the work I put in for you to say you do all of the work.” She laughed in my face and said “whatever you want to tell yourself buddy” and never actually has a conversation about it. AITAH

Creators & Community

A warm, diverse, and open Discord & Minecraft community that welcomes everyone and is the home of the Minecraft modpacks BaerCraft, Trash Panda Craft, and PokeASub plus their official multiplayer servers.
We host additional Minecraft servers, such as a rotational server that rotates community-voted modpacks every 3 months. So, in total, we usually run about 4 servers with even more to come in the future. Our community also talks about a lot of other games and a lot of other topics!
Both developers are quite experienced and are active in development by always creating new, additional content for players. Our staff is knowledgeable, fast, and informative! Both within the Discord and game servers. We strive to provide the best help and support possible. We are always growing as creators by expanding what we offer to the community as well as everyone outside of it.
Something we can assure members is that we are here to stay as long-term creators. One of our biggest goals is to provide everyone with unique and customized content in each of our projects. We also heavily focus on performance and improvements to ensure even people with the lowest-end PCs have a chance to play them.

Short & Sweet Summaries of Our Main Projects

BaerCraft

There isn't only one way to play this modpack. You'll always be able to come back and never have the same experience as before. This pack does not only focus on one aspect of the game, as it's aimed to provide many optional things to do so that every type of player has a chance to enjoy it. Most aspects of the pack are completely optional to give players as much freedom to play as they like, but others are staged to help provide some form of gameplay guidance.
Main categories of BaerCraft:

• Adventure & Exploration
• Creativity
• Stages
• Soft Expert

Trash Panda Craft

Have you ever wanted to rip your own fingernails out, but also chug your 6th Monster energy drink of the night just because you couldn’t get enough of a modpack? Well, Trash Panda Craft might be the perfect pack for you! This modpack adds spice to every corner, but in a pleasant way. It’s not so spicy that it just hurts, but rather has the perfect amount of spice and flavor so that it’s fun along the way.
Main categories of Trash Panda Craft:

• Adventure & Exploration
• Magic
• Stages & Quests
• Soft Expert
• Hardcore

Discord

I (31f) have been with my husband for 5+ years now. (37m). I had just gotten out of a miserable, abusive relationship a year before I met him, and in the beginning, I had no idea if it was a good relationship at all. At the time, I just wanted to be with someone who wouldn't hit me or scream at me. I wanted my young son to have a normal family, and this guy had two happy, healthy boys if his own, a car, an apartment...the bare minimum maybe, but he just seemed so stable and safe.
He had undiagnosed Bipolar disorder at the time, but I helped him find a doctor, get on the right meds, and by the end of year one he was emotionally stable and things felt almost perfect. We worked so fucking hard the first three years to build ourselves to be better people; we both went into the relationship broken and afraid, but you'd never know it looking at us today. Our children love each other, they're well-adjusted all things considered, I regularly tell people that this is the happiest I've ever been. And it's true.
But the relationship isn't perfect; they never are, of course. We both work at the same place right now, and I take pride in doing a good job and trying to learn and improve myself regularly. He is terribly burnt out, though. He goes in and does the bare minimum, then tells people how indispensable he is; they could never fire him, the whole store would fall apart in days. He does work a shift that is difficult to replace, and in the beginning he was absolutely irreplaceable, but he's let his work slide for a while now. My co-workers don't understand our relationship, but I laugh and say they don't know him like I do. They don't know what we've been through.
At home, I do 99.9% of the childcare. Every middle of the night wakeup, every meal (his included), all the shopping and laundry and cleaning. He got me a puppy recently despite being to them, just because he knew how happy it would make me. I adore this little fellow, but it's a ton of work caring for him. We have a soon to be three year old son, and I think his dad has changed his diaper just a handful of times. Every now and then he plays with him for a bit, but he's usually "too tired" or simply doesn't want to.
He plays a dinosaur game Ark. His friends play too, so he talks to them through his headset and tunes the real world out, from the time he gets home from work until bedtime. He gets off work at 11 am, for context. The kids and I try to interact with him sometimes, but he'll usually ignore us, sometimes get annoyed that we want to spend time with him. We're gradually learning it's easier not to bother him.
I read stories about happy families with equal workloads and parents invested in each other and their children and I wonder where I went wrong. I could never leave him; I can't afford to live on my own, and I don't want to break up my boys from the family they've grown to love. I've had to do that once to my oldest son, and we're still carefully managing the psychological damage that entire situation did.
I always wanted to be a mother, and a wife. I wanted to care for my family, work to support us, everything I'm doing now...but I wanted a partner, too. Someone who gets excited to see me, who helps me with our children, helps maintain our home, listens when I need to talk. I worked so hard to make him into that person in my mind, and to make myself a person worthy of such a good partner, but I can't change who my husband is.
I'm worried what it's teaching my sons; I don't want them to put any other people through what I'm going through. I try to teach them to be helpful, grateful, attentive, but what they observe in their day to day lives flies directly in the face of what I try to encourage. Their dad has no interest in parenting, or cleaning, or supporting a family beyond monetarily.
He tells anyone who will listen that he's the greatest dad ever, much better than his dad who abandoned him as a baby then strung him along throughout his childhood. He is better than that, I'll give him credit there. He tells people what an excellent partner he is, and they assure him I'm lucky to have a husband as devoted as he. If my coworkers ask, I have nothing but wonderful things to say about him - he buys very thoughtful gifts, for example. He loves giving gifts to people and he really is great at it. But every relevant holiday, I just ask him to get me a card and write something nice, something I can look back at on hard days, or in the future when he's gone. I've recently just asked him to pick one with a prewritten message he thinks I'll like, and I'd accept that just as happily. But he doesn't like to write, doesn't know how to express himself that way, doesn't want to read through a bunch of cards...I don't know. I guess since it's not important to him, it's not important enough for me.
I ask him to do simple things at home while I'm at work - take out the trash (his and only responsibility), play with the baby, check on my 11 year old periodically, make sure everybody is fed. More often than not, these things do not get done. I try to make plans for the whole family to go out and do things, make memories, bond...but he's got stuff to do in his game, he's tired from working so hard to support us (this shouldn't matter, but I actually work more hours than he does nowadays), the stuff I suggest sounds boring to him.
I just wish he could see it from my point of view. I love him dearly. I would do anything for him. I simply want similar in return. I want to be loved and appreciated, I want a partner who cares about our home and family the way I do, I don't want to feel like I'm a burden ever time I ask him a question or try to tell a story or point out something cute the puppy/baby/boys are doing.
I feel like I'm just alone in my relationship. I've talked to him about it dozens of times, tried different approaches...none of it seems to help. He writes me off as emotional (I'll be fine tomorrow, just sleep it off) or spending too much time fantasizing about perfect relationships that don't actually exist. He thinks my standards are unrealistic, and I'm ungrateful because he provides for us. Even when I started working more hours than him and making more money than he does, he kept with that idea that he's the main breadwinner and I'm the one who runs the day to day stuff.
I just wish things had turned out differently. I wish this wasn't my life, or that of our children. I put in so much time and effort maintaining healthy relationships with the boys so they'll come and see me after they grow up, but he assures me it's unnecessary and they'll come just because they love him so much. I'm not so sure. They feel lonely and angry and hurt, and a lot of that is on him.
We're about to celebrate Father's Day. I bought him nice gifts, I've written a lovely card, I'll take him to his favorite restaurant and he'll have everything a dad could want. I do want him to feel special and appreciated. He'll probably still spend most of the day on his game, or phone, or watching movies way too grown up for our children at a deafening volume so nobody can bother him. Maybe I'll take the boys to the park then, we'll see what my schedule looks like...
I don't know that I want anything from this. Maybe just recognition that this is hard, or commiseration if someone's going through this. I don't expect it to magically improve, but if anyone has any comforting words or even just takes the time to read this, it would mean the world to me. I'm feeling so run down and sad. I just want to get it off my chest, I suppose.
Thank you for reading if you did. I hope your life is filled with love, and that you never have to feel like an inconvenience in your own home. I hope we all find peace someday, maybe just in working to be the best we can and trying to put a little good out into the world. That's all I try to do, at least. Maybe one day I'll find the joy I wish for others. I hope so, I'm tired.

Creators & Community

A warm, diverse, and open Discord & Minecraft community that welcomes everyone and is the home of the Minecraft modpacks BaerCraft, Trash Panda Craft, and PokeASub plus their official multiplayer servers.
We host additional Minecraft servers, such as a rotational server that rotates community-voted modpacks every 3 months. So, in total, we usually run about 4 servers with even more to come in the future. Our community also talks about a lot of other games and a lot of other topics!
Both developers are quite experienced and are active in development by always creating new, additional content for players. Our staff is knowledgeable, fast, and informative! Both within the Discord and game servers. We strive to provide the best help and support possible. We are always growing as creators by expanding what we offer to the community as well as everyone outside of it.
Something we can assure members is that we are here to stay as long-term creators. One of our biggest goals is to provide everyone with unique and customized content in each of our projects. We also heavily focus on performance and improvements to ensure even people with the lowest-end PCs have a chance to play them.

Short & Sweet Summaries of Our Main Projects

BaerCraft

There isn't only one way to play this modpack. You'll always be able to come back and never have the same experience as before. This pack does not only focus on one aspect of the game, as it's aimed to provide many optional things to do so that every type of player has a chance to enjoy it. Most aspects of the pack are completely optional to give players as much freedom to play as they like, but others are staged to help provide some form of gameplay guidance.
Main categories of BaerCraft:

• Adventure & Exploration
• Creativity
• Stages
• Soft Expert

Trash Panda Craft

Have you ever wanted to rip your own fingernails out, but also chug your 6th Monster energy drink of the night just because you couldn’t get enough of a modpack? Well, Trash Panda Craft might be the perfect pack for you! This modpack adds spice to every corner, but in a pleasant way. It’s not so spicy that it just hurts, but rather has the perfect amount of spice and flavor so that it’s fun along the way.
Main categories of Trash Panda Craft:

• Adventure & Exploration
• Magic
• Stages & Quests
• Soft Expert
• Hardcore

Discord

Creators & Community

A warm, diverse, and open Discord & Minecraft community that welcomes everyone and is the home of the Minecraft modpacks BaerCraft, Trash Panda Craft, and PokeASub plus their official multiplayer servers.
We host additional Minecraft servers, such as a rotational server that rotates community-voted modpacks every 3 months. So, in total, we usually run about 4 servers with even more to come in the future. Our community also talks about a lot of other games and a lot of other topics!
Both developers are quite experienced and are active in development by always creating new, additional content for players. Our staff is knowledgeable, fast, and informative! Both within the Discord and game servers. We strive to provide the best help and support possible. We are always growing as creators by expanding what we offer to the community as well as everyone outside of it.
Something we can assure members is that we are here to stay as long-term creators. One of our biggest goals is to provide everyone with unique and customized content in each of our projects. We also heavily focus on performance and improvements to ensure even people with the lowest-end PCs have a chance to play them.

Short & Sweet Summaries of Our Main Projects

BaerCraft

There isn't only one way to play this modpack. You'll always be able to come back and never have the same experience as before. This pack does not only focus on one aspect of the game, as it's aimed to provide many optional things to do so that every type of player has a chance to enjoy it. Most aspects of the pack are completely optional to give players as much freedom to play as they like, but others are staged to help provide some form of gameplay guidance.
Main categories of BaerCraft:

• Adventure & Exploration
• Creativity
• Stages
• Soft Expert

Trash Panda Craft

Have you ever wanted to rip your own fingernails out, but also chug your 6th Monster energy drink of the night just because you couldn’t get enough of a modpack? Well, Trash Panda Craft might be the perfect pack for you! This modpack adds spice to every corner, but in a pleasant way. It’s not so spicy that it just hurts, but rather has the perfect amount of spice and flavor so that it’s fun along the way.
Main categories of Trash Panda Craft:

• Adventure & Exploration
• Magic
• Stages & Quests
• Soft Expert
• Hardcore

Discord

Hello everyone,
I'm writing to you because I need some advice.
Today I'm exhausted.
I (F35) have been in a relationship for a year with a man (M33) who initially seemed mature to me.
He ran into a few problems in his new apartment (he'd just moved from another region) and quickly came to live with my mother and me.
It was a real pleasure, but as time went by our relationship deteriorated.

• My mother is jealous of a third person in the house and has become unbearable (but that's my problem, and I'm looking for a place to live).
  
• He has problems with his family, his friends and his former partner (these people don't respect him, they don't care about his feelings and sometimes ignore him completely).
  
• He suffers from anxiety
  

Lately, he's been taking out his frustrations on me: he's got a problem somewhere, and it's 100% my fault, even if I haven't done anything.
Example: I ask him to set limits with his friends because their lies hurt him and he's only used when they have time = it's my fault I want to isolate him.
We have an appointment, I tell him it's not the right date and he maintains that it is, so we go on his date, but of course he made a mistake = crisis, saying it's my fault and that he missed a morning's work for this appointment.
He can't finish his projects fast enough at work because he loses concentration = it's my fault, I call him 7-8 times a day (no) to break his concentration.
His back hurts, he wants to see a specialist and I tell him he's going to be in a lot of pain and that the best thing would be to see a doctor first.
He prefers the specialist and ends up waking up in the middle of the night moaning and groaning, telling me it's all my fault that he's a specialist, while I'm having a sleepless night because I can't sleep because he's making so much noise, so it's my fault for “breaking” his sleep.
We're on the phone, I'm telling him something that's just shocked and traumatized me, and meanwhile he's heating his meal in the microwave, except that it's a salad, and he's yelling at me, telling me that I'm responsible for everything and that he's very thin-skinned and that I never talk to him about normal things (which isn't true), and so on.
This is my daily life and I can't take it anymore.
Today I'm really exhausted by this situation.
I'm looking for a place for us to live, because I know he can't afford rent at the moment, and that would mean going back to his parents, who are doing him a lot of harm
I try to help him on a daily basis in his work (with advice), in his relationships (with advice), I've even had him see someone because I really want him to pull through but I can't live with this kind of behavior anymore.
I have my own worries and I'm trying to rebuild myself, and I understand what anxiety is because I have it, but I never act like this with him, and when I'm down, I try to see him as an ally and not an enemy.
The problem is that at my age, I'm afraid I'll be alone for good because I've put on a lot of weight due to treatment and I have a job that doesn't pay much and I'll never find someone again, so I'm hanging on...
I'm literally lost.
Should I risk being alone or try to help him?

Creators & Community

A warm, diverse, and open Discord & Minecraft community that welcomes everyone and is the home of the Minecraft modpacks BaerCraft, Trash Panda Craft, and PokeASub plus their official multiplayer servers.
We host additional Minecraft servers, such as a rotational server that rotates community-voted modpacks every 3 months. So, in total, we usually run about 4 servers with even more to come in the future. Our community also talks about a lot of other games and a lot of other topics!
Both developers are quite experienced and are active in development by always creating new, additional content for players. Our staff is knowledgeable, fast, and informative! Both within the Discord and game servers. We strive to provide the best help and support possible. We are always growing as creators by expanding what we offer to the community as well as everyone outside of it.
Something we can assure members is that we are here to stay as long-term creators. One of our biggest goals is to provide everyone with unique and customized content in each of our projects. We also heavily focus on performance and improvements to ensure even people with the lowest-end PCs have a chance to play them.

Short & Sweet Summaries of Our Main Projects

BaerCraft

There isn't only one way to play this modpack. You'll always be able to come back and never have the same experience as before. This pack does not only focus on one aspect of the game, as it's aimed to provide many optional things to do so that every type of player has a chance to enjoy it. Most aspects of the pack are completely optional to give players as much freedom to play as they like, but others are staged to help provide some form of gameplay guidance.
Main categories of BaerCraft:

• Adventure & Exploration
• Creativity
• Stages
• Soft Expert

Trash Panda Craft

Have you ever wanted to rip your own fingernails out, but also chug your 6th Monster energy drink of the night just because you couldn’t get enough of a modpack? Well, Trash Panda Craft might be the perfect pack for you! This modpack adds spice to every corner, but in a pleasant way. It’s not so spicy that it just hurts, but rather has the perfect amount of spice and flavor so that it’s fun along the way.
Main categories of Trash Panda Craft:

• Adventure & Exploration
• Magic
• Stages & Quests
• Soft Expert
• Hardcore

Discord

This is not meant to generalize a gender or be accusatory. I was with my ex for 4 years, it was toxic, he would talk with his female friends for hours at night and accuse me of overeacting, did not stand up for me when one of his female friends blocked me after knowing we were together and ridiculed me instead. initially he pursued me and persistently tried to convince me into it, but never made the effort to make me feel secure once we got together, I left after years of begging to consider my feelings, eventhough I still loved him (i will never understand why, or what's wrong with me).
He kept asking me to come back, like the hundred times earlier, but i just didn't have it in me to repeat the cycle. I wanted to stand up for myself, unless he came back with a genuine understanding of my concerns. but he only accused me of betraying him by leaving, and cursing him - it broke my heart to know that after years of putting up with his disrespect, he thought i intended to torture or curse him, while i was still wishing him well. since none of the conversations after i broke up went well, i maintained no contact (talked once after a year, and no contact for 3 years while he tried to reach out with vague texts and calls).
i for some reason blamed myself for leaving him and not talking to him after some emotionally manipulative texts, and harboured guilt, but felt like i needed to protect myself from gettung hurt again. i couldn't move on or make the effort to be in a relationship again, but was pretty happy on my own and worked on self love.
3 months ago, we reconnected, and i would have been happy to know that he was doing okay. But instead, he cared for me regarding my spinal cord issue, and showed me more affection than he ever did before, lead me on, implied that he has been single like me, brought up things from the past when i insisted i moved on and acted detached, acted hurt that i hated him, and pleaded me to consider meeting him, called me everyday and was not his earlier toxic self. he was kind, and acknowledged his mistakes and apologized. i really thought he got better, he seemed a lot better. we met, he held my hands, read my notes on phone about me being always in love with him but never wanting to admit it, held my hands multiple times after that, and just when i opened up about getting attached to him again but not expecting anything, he said "you feel this way because u r physically and emotionally weak at the moment". and then, turned completely cold. This was just in a month.
I am just trying to understand, why?? what would have been the motive behind this all? how can he be so cruel, and trigger me, when he knew i didnt want anything to do with this? why is this bothering me so much more than the times he touched me, kissed me, or forced me to have sex without my consent? why do i feel so humiliated for thinking i could trust him, after stabding my ground for 4 years? Why wpuld he do this now, when he acted so desperate to talk and meet a month ago? I am just trying to understand, also waiting for my next therapy session, feeling powerless, and could use some help to gain more perspective on this.
why would he disrespect such loyal love then, act desperate, apologize, cry about how immature he was, and still destroy me now? all i needed was for him to be honest, and not act like i misunderstood his behaviour this time, because it cannot be categorized as friendship. I am sorry, dor being so volatile. I have never felt more broken before, i just dont know what to do with myself. I have sent him many emotional texts exolainimg why him triggering again me was the reason i feel so restless, but i just dont feel better. I want him to know how he traumatized me, and didnt deserve the kindnes and dignity i have him this time, but just feel so worthless and powerless, while he was the one who gave up on loyal love. Thank you for reading, i just dont know where to stop, i feel broken. I just want to understand and do better next time. I want to stop feeling like a loser or monster, for still feeling like i was the one who was never enough, or i was the one who gave up on him. i just feel sick of myself. i never needed his support financially or in anyway, he is the one who still owes me money, all i needed was honesty and loyalty. but why am i sitting here, feeling like a failure, about to turn 30 in 6 months, after wasting years on a guy who didnt deserve it, acting like i am happy being single, but wanting a companion who understands me because i have so much love to give? i have been overwhelmed and exhausted with my my anxiety and depresssion (recently diagnosed with Adhd), and have grown apart from friends who only contacted me when they needed to feel better about themselves. so i have very few friends now, i love them, and was very happy with where i was at life, until he came back this time and i am having second thoughts about everythung i did and chose, like i am running out of time and have ruined my life and feel lonely.

I matched with a someone on an app and based on previous experiences, was not expecting much. I never have fun using dating apps. They stress me out, but at the same time, I like the convenience of them and theres a comfort to feeling like you have more and having rejection be silent. Also at my age (24 m), dating apps are the standard and my dating history is very limited so it's kinda all I know.
The small talk started and I took it easy. It continued on smoothly and the vibe was there. Didn't dry up at all. As the days went on the conversation became very candid. She was an open book, which made me feel comfortable opening up more. It was the most fulfilling "talking stage" I had had. Growing connection and fondness can be hard to detect through text on a screen but this was an instance where even my dumb ass could tell it was there and reciprocal. I was really starting to enjoy this new person in a genuine way, she felt the same, and we expressed that to each other. And this was new for me
The date we had planned came up and it went as expected. We talked late into the night about the same topics as before, mundane to jokes to deep. The spark I thought might have been there was a little more confirmed. It was also even more open now that we were in person. We reflected the next day and both seemed to be looking forward to doing it again. A couple of days later though, she was under the weather and suddenly became hard to reach. I gave some space for a few days, but the space turned into an insecure mix of fear of ghosts and actual worry for her, so I took a deep breath and checked on her. (This was the first reaction of mine that in retrospect indicated the potentially unhealthy nature of all of this)
I got back a long message where there were a few things expressed:

1. She realized she needs space to work thru her past trauma more
   
2. She thanked me for connecting with her and making her feel good
   
3. Shes unsure if we'll ever connect again
   

For some background, she had told me a lot about a pretty turbulent life, was very personal-development minded, and always said she was grateful that I listened. She described coming a long way
It was probably as mature and pleasant as she could have made it and was full of kind words. I respected that she was so upfront about this. It hurt a lot to read but only thing I could really do in response was let her know I respected it, thank her back, and wish her the best with hopes that we meet again one day. No contact since.
I guess if this made sense, that would be the end of it and I would just be onto the next but it has not at all been that way, at least on my end. She was on my mind a lot in the short ~month long interaction (which flattered her at the time), but that kept momentum after cutting contact. I tried to be generous to myself and acknowledge that I was feeling new feelings and that those feelings can't just be shut off all at once. Time rolled on though and it got harder to keep that going as it became clear I was just trying, rather unstably, to balance the need to accept that this is most likely over and the desire to hold onto hope that it's just on pause. I read that last message multiple times and as much as I appreciated everything else, I wasn't able to eke any closure out of it. Whether it was genuinely hard to interpret or I was just convincing myself that it was open ended, I was driving myself crazy whenever I thought about how to move forward from this.
It's been like 6+ months and I'm kind of at the same point. I wouldn't say my life outside of this aspect has been too affected motion wise. If anything the everything else has been pretty satisfactory, but the stuck/uncertain/empty feeling seeps out sometimes. At times I feel embarrassed or immature for still feeling this way about such a small thing, and that's the reason I haven't really talked about it to anyone in my life. I did research and learned that I'm "limerent" for her. That term has really put into perspective how I've responded to this.
It's obviously an harmful state to stay in. I also really hate that this whole positive and negative "balance" I've been doing turns someone's self improvement into some kind of key to thing I want, when the first thing (whatever the outcome of the second) should be the focus. As I reflect a bit it makes me realize that I have stuff I need to deal with myself, beyond this.
Eventually I want to be done with this, get closure if it falls in my lap and/or move on. I can't move on right now because I have the fear of my hopes somehow becoming true and making me regret doing so. Even if that's delusional, the very fact that it actually stops me itself is enough indication I'm not ready. I want to shut off the daydreaming and move towards getting what I daydream about even if its not exactly the same.
This was a very long drawn out catharsis and sorry about that, but **if any one has advice, I would appreciate. What are some general methods for moving on?** I am definitely considering therapy, because I think this is all just an iceberg tip of other things deep down that I have also thought about lately. Also been making an effort to keep up with my hobbies, especially music which helps a lot with letting things out. **Anyone ever been in a similar situation, and how did it go for you? Am I being too hard on my self or too gentle?**
Thanks for reading
Tl;dr I matched with someone on an dating app, we had a great connection, had one date, and later she told me she isn't ready yet to date due to trauma she's still working on. We cut contact but I haven't been able to move on for months and it's made me realize I also need time to work on stuff

It's been a really really long time since I've had to post in here, and a lot has changed on this sub. I really just need honesty- am I overreacting or should I be worried? I've had a really tough week with sleep- I've been trying to get my sleep schedule back on track but with that has come some nights where I'm definitely not sleeping enough. Last night I only go this out 4 or 5 hours of actually decent sleep. I woke up and spent a few hours at my cities pride festival, in the sun, super hot outside, and had only eaten a granola bar. I started to feel weird but knew I was hungry. I ate taco bell (I eat taco bell literallyyyyy all the time so I'm not worried about that), then took a 15 minute nap. I then had to go to work until 1:15 in the morning. I didn't eat enough during my shift though. Around 11:15pm I drank about half a sugar free red bull so I could not fall asleep at work lol, but I was hungry when I did that. But I didn't eat, because when I'm really tired like I was tonight, I have a really hard time eating even if I'm hungry. But then I kept switching between feeling really hungry and really nauseous. Finally I went home and I ate a little something and tried to fall asleep because I'm sure that's why I feel so awful. It was also around 11:30 that my mouth started watering a ton and it's still happening (4am now). Only now I can't fall asleep and my mouth is still watering like crazy and I'm feeling worse and worse and I don't know what to do. I'm terrified that I might tu*. It's the middle of the night so my mom isn't answering her phone and I have nowhere else to go. Please help me.

So I’m abit lost, I wouldn’t say I’m in denial about things, I wouldnt be here if I didnt have an idea of what’s going on but to give a brief run down:
the problem

• been using escorts infrequently for many years, maybe twice a year except for 2016 when it was alot more.
  
• I struggle every night, I would check websites, i would text them then when they wanted to come I would ignore and cancel. A part of me just needed to be wanted ( I know it’s pathetic). This became even harder after a breakup and the pandemic.
  
• sometimes I would let them come or I go to them, I always enjoyed chatting after and I liked that some opened up to me and it felt like it was what I needed. But sometimes I wanted to chat and they didn’t and it was always interesting to me how all I wanted was some connection.
  
• not to sound like a twat, but I have standards. If the girl is different from the picture I will just leave. I have also stopped a meeting and just say they can go because they clearly weren’t interested. I really can’t or don’t want to do it with just anyone, I don’t know why..
  
• I get triggered Normally on evenings coming home from work, I can see people going out to bars and I feel super alone, wishing I knew how to talk to these women, wondering how can I be around girls like this?
  

-i am in no major debt, but it’s more that I can’t save money, and it’s so frustrating because I cant travel or do anything.

• funnily I don’t enjoy porn, I have watched it but it’s not what I’m after.

where I am at today:

• I can get from Monday to Friday without masturbating or checking sites, admittedly this hasn’t gone so well last week but it’s progress for me Most weeks
  
• I have weekly therapy
  
• I go to men’s group therapy but I haven’t brought up this issue
  
• on the weekend I lose it, I feel lonely as hell and I can’t seem to resolve it. Even if I’m out I get full of shame that I’m lonely, I feel like crying and I want to hide take out my phone and search
  
• if I see or even if I am in conversation with a woman, I panic so much that I am boring her that I figure it’s easier to cut my losses, leave and find an escort. better than watching someone slowly reject me.
  
• if I do get an urge on a weekday, I struggle to fight it. The thought of physical contact is just so powerful. I was chatting to a coworker after work last week and her hand grazed my arm and it felt like an electric charge, I couldn’t believe it, how such limited physical contact could feel so strong.
  

what I need help with:

• see above
  
• i am undecided about going to Saa and here’s why. I don’t want to do it to be a permanent fixture in my life. One guy was there for 20 years and to me as happy as I am for him that he’s so committed.. I do not want that.
  
• I don’t want to to be a sponsor for multiple people who are hitting me up at all hours of the day. not because I don’t care but because I have my own problems I am working through, and the anxiety of not taking a call, or worrying I’ve let soemone down is a lot. but then why should I take help if I can’t give it back..
  
• when I went the guy there was telling me he would be an addict for life and he could never be fixed. So he needed the groups.. good for him but it scared me so much I just couldn’t continue.
  

i am lost, this week I have checked websites nearly every night, I haven’t seen anyone but I came close. I wake up every day with new resolve but also I fail when I can’t sleep and realise how lonely I am.
does Anyone have any advice on next steps? I am perfectly open to retrying Saa I would hope there’s other solutions as well though.
also excuse the formatting of this post, i was struggling to articulate my thoughts ( adhd) and I needed a loose template to write to.
thank you

Hello,
I (M28) started waking up in the middle of the night ever since 2 weeks, which is something that usually never happens to me. It has been happening every day, which is the cause of my concern. Other than that, I don't have any other issue, I don't feel tired or anything.
About 2 months ago, I moved to another country for work, 6 hours behind. Before I left, I used to sleep very late, 2 in the morning, wake up at 7-8 while catching up sleep during the weekend, and ever since I moved, I got back into a regular sleep pattern, sleeping at 10 and waking up at 5-6. The first few weeks, I did not wake up in the middle of the night (or that I remember) and had complete sleep cycle.
But as explained earlier, every day since 2 weeks, I would go to sleep at 10 and wake up at 1 or 2 in the morning, and go back to sleep. Should I be concerned ? What could explain this ? I started recording audio when I sleep (with this sleep tracker app) and I don't hear anything suspicious like snoring or heavy breathing. Only the noise you make when you stretch when I woke up in the middle of the night.
Thanks

Okay settle in folks because this is a very weird one and I need your advice. A couple of years ago, I got into a relationship with a man with kids who had 50/50 custody. I had no kids at the time. I met them shortly into the relationship (his wishes, not my idea but admittedly thought it was good to see if it could even work. Why invest years with someone if the kids don’t like you?) and anyways we formed a pretty good bond. Everything was going along great! I took on a “motherly” role (more like a fun aunt) with his kids, mainly the younger one, and shared in cooking duties, cleaning, sometimes dropping them off to school etc. I spent a couple of nights there per week but didn’t officially move in as we value our own space.
A couple of months into this arrangement, my partner finds out that his ex aka the mother of his children, works at my workplace in head office (I work for a very large organisation). I didn’t know her, we hadn’t met before as we didn’t have any crossover and she began working there during Covid. I have been at my workplace for 10 years. She’s not problematic and we laughed it off when we finally met as a funny coincidence. What are the chances?! I wanted to keep it to ourselves as I don’t like my private info being out there; unfortunately she confided in a colleague of mine but in a very “oh what a coincidence!” kind of way, making light of the situation. I wasn’t happy about it but once she said it, the words couldn’t be taken back so there was nothing I could do.
Now…. Fast forward to 2023. I accidentally fell pregnant with my first baby and well, it’s been nothing short of a nightmare. I had my baby and my now ex-partner basically did not help me take care of our child. He very much favours his first two children and resents me and our baby for his life being difficult, having no time to himself anymore with 3 kids etc. He never altered his non-formal custody agreement that he has with her to accommodate the newest family member and I was left many nights caring for the baby without any support. She was aware that I was having a baby and was very congratulatory etc as she has moved on herself. But doesn’t seem to care whether sick kids are coming around an unvaccinated newborn or make it somewhat easier for me to get some more support. She didn’t even allow me a week without the kids to recover from my c-section. It has been an absolute shit show of a relationship and the worst time for me as a new mum.
This is where things get really tough.
I’m due back at work next year and due to “budget cuts”, I am now expected to work closely with this woman, a woman who not only shares the same man as the father of her kids which is weird enough but actually gets the invested father version! He is not invested with our child and it’s now been a few weeks since he even saw him. He doesn’t contribute to his expenses, he doesn’t buy nappies or milk or allow me time to myself to even get to a yoga class or shop without the baby. I am doing 100% of the parenting and am completely resentful of this fact. Yes, I love being a mum but this is not what I signed up for, especially as I had put so much effort into his children.
But all this aside…. I have to now work with this woman and I know I won’t be able to. It will trigger me up the wazoo. I have adhd and am a pretty sensitive and emotional being. If I spoke to my workplace about it, can I refuse to work alongside her? Or will they just tell me to get another job? What do I do? Please help & thank you for reading.

Does anyone else get really bad paranoia? Like it keeps them up at night kinda bad?
Since I was a preteen (20 currently) I thought people were out to get me. It used to not be so bad. I didn't have to look over my shoulder every minute if I'm not with company or doing a task. I didn't wake up at every noise I heard or thought I heard at night. I didn't think almost anyone I come in contact with wishes for my downfall. But I do now. It's so exhausting and terrifying.
The days I'm blessed without a fear of someone being in the back of my car, without a fear of someone watching me through my window and without a fear of someone chasing me is not many. I'm either drunk, rolling on some drug or extremely busy.
Does anyone have any advice to deal with the paranoia?

I (25F) have been dating my partner (25M) for just over 8 months. Some context - We realised that we had different interests but bonded over sharing the same values about most things. We moved in together early on and have had a happy relationship since. I’ve been in therapy for 3+ years now, just to be better for my own and my partner’s wellbeing, handling situations and relationships better. We’re also super open and communicative about the best and worst of things-sex, orgies, experimenting, contraception, testing etc., and on top of everything we trust and have faith in each other.
So - the problem started when I noticed a pubic louse on myself (I didn’t know what it was at the time) and then on my partner. It was a Friday night so we decided to call 111 and ask for advice and they suggested that we go to our nearest sexual health clinic as soon as possible which was 3 days away because it was a bank holiday weekend.
I suggested that my partner should reach out to his brother-in-law, who happens to be a doctor and works as a sexual health clinician. I didn’t think too much about it because I didn’t cheat on him and I didn’t think he did either. We’re a bit anxiously attached (something we both realise we need to work on) and spend ALL of our time together. I just go to work and spend the rest of my day and all of my weekends with him. He works remotely and has space and time to go out but I know him quite well and he’d never do something like that. Plus we have each other’s phone passcodes and can browse through them anytime we like.
We were heading to a friend's flat for pre-drinks before going to a club with friends (a few weeks before discovering the pubic lice) when my legs started chafing because of a skirt I’d been wearing, so I decided to borrow a friend’s tights. I didn't think anything of it at the time as my thighs were chafing and most shops were closed by then.
Since we discovered the lice, I’ve been incredibly empathetic towards his family and understand what they must be feeling in a situation like this (not being able to attend family events for a bit because they have kids) so I reached out to them in an attempt to maintain relationships and have honest and open conversations.
Despite this, his two sisters (39F and 40F) and BIL (38M) are accusing me of cheating at work and saying horrible things about me- it’s given me a lot of anxiety and hurt me deeply. His brother-in-law insists that pubic lice can only be caused by having sex with other people. They insisted that we should contact our friend and ask if she had something and passed it on to us.
As much as I’d want to know this, I don’t want to ask her about it because it’s going to damage our relationship and it’s going to seem accusatory. Also, since STIs are so taboo, nobody wants to admit that they've had it. So they could easily lie about not having it, which would only make the situation worse. On top of all this, the entire friend circle would likely find out about the issue and it’s going to start a whole new set of problems.
Through all this, my partner has been incredibly supportive and we’ve tried to put our well-being first by speaking to other sexual health doctors and getting tested. Both of our clinicians insisted that its “absolutely possible” to get pubic lice through tights (as well as other clothing, bedding and towels) and that it’s one of the only STIs that can transmit non-sexually. They advised us to not worry too much about it, and we’ve tested negative for everything else as well.
It’s been 2 weeks and we’ve recovered and told what we heard from the two senior female sexual health clinicians to his sisters but they continue to be rude and unsupportive and talk disrespectfully about me. One of them said that they had lost all respect for me and that any respect they'll show me in the future is because of my partner. I used to look up to his sisters and loved and appreciated them but I’m deeply hurt and it’s affecting my day-to-day activities and work. Despite my partner trusting and believing in me, I’m having a hard time getting over this. We can’t cut them off because they have kids that both my partner and I would like to have an amicable relationship with.
Also, the eldest sister has already talked badly about me behind our backs to his mum (61F) (who’s already quite conservative so we had to hide things like this relationship from her initially.) She’s told him that she wants the best for him but she's completely crossed the line. She's ruined everything about this relationship for us and has tried to move everyone in the family away from me and against me.
How do I go about this? I never want to see them again after what they said and I want to move out but it’s only going to affirm their belief about me cheating. It’s ruining my mental health, relationships and self-esteem.
TLDR: Partner’s sisters (40F, 39F) and BIL (38M) (who happens to be a sexual health clinician) are accusing me of cheating when I haven’t done anything. Senior female doctors working at the same sexual health clinic as his BIL say otherwise. What do I do about this?

Last night, I dreamt of Andras (?) I remember the skies being cloudy, and dark. I was out in a field, and the grass was above my knees. The wind kept blowing my hair into my face, and as I look up into this giant oak tree that was covered in Spanish moss; a massive barn owl sat perched upon one of the tree limbs. Its gaze lingered for a second before I thought “Andras” it then spread out its massive wings, and took off into the sky. I awoke a moment after. I laid in bed for a bit until I could fall back asleep. Was that him reaching out? Or could it have been someone else? I know Stolas can take on the appearance of an owl, and Lady Lilith is associated with owls as well.

We were talking last night and I told BS I wasn't completely over my AP and now they are done. BS kicked me out and I had to go stay with my parents. Why do I feel this way? Why did I even do what I did? My BS and I were so happy and done so much together with so many memories. I didn't have anything missing in my life and yet I let AP charm me. I poked fun of BS behind their back. I gave my body to AP. I apologize for my language but I feel like a slut. I feel so dirty. I wasn't raised this way I despise this behavior and yet here I am. I lost my BS and my step son. If anyone has any advice on what I should do i am willing to try anything to show BS I am worthy of forgiveness. Please please help.

I 26F met my ex 36M 8 months ago, he was an amazing boyfriend, he had an ex wife and an ex partner with whom he wanted to share a child. Throughout our entire relationship he trauma dumped on me, cried in front of me nights after nights telling me how badly he was mistreated (ex partner called him a narcissist and a predator and is not ready to share the child with him). I stuck with him through the entire custody process, cooked for him when he was too tired, cared for him when he was too sick. I was so fond of him. Never saw the signs of how selfish he is, he did say that he wants to be a selfish person going forward and his therapist backs up on that. I always thought he meant that he wanted to be a much more self loving person. He would want me to leave his house when I was cramping in pain (have terrible endometriosis). I also have IBS and once during the Easter week I started bleeding down there terribly, he took me to the hospital. Later he told me that he just really wanted to rest that week and be chill and not do anything (hospital was 6-7 miles away). Just few weeks ago I moved to a new house which is 5 mins from his house while he had court sessions. It was extremely overwhelming for me to move in a new house and also that he was going through such a difficult time, I was so scared of what’s gonna happen next. Long story short, he won the case, he should be able to share the child. I was happy but at the same time freaking out mostly because of I have severe anxiety. He knew everything about my mental health, about how I worry too much. I did bring up the conversation that this might be too much for both of us but only to realize I really fell for him and started to love him. I told him that as well, he dumped me saying I was too intense, too much for him. Apparently, I pushed him to call me everyday where he spoke for hours with me. I pushed him to be closer to me where he really wanted to take it slower. I did everything right for that man, now I’m in a new house, a new town away from my friends all alone. It’s been 3 weeks since we broke up. Everything hurts. I have gone no contact with him ever since. But nothing seems to get better. Hope it does though. Thank you for reading through this.

I (28F) met a guy (45M) at work. He's my superior but he treats everyone respectfully and doesn't push his weight around. It's safe to say that he's the first guy who lingers on my mind. I've never been in a relationship before and I'd hate to think that I misinterpreted his act of kindness and caring as signs that he maybe kinda likes me too.
For context, we weren't that close until last July when he announced to our team member that he has nose cancer. Maybe because my dad passed away from cancer recently that I felt empathetic to him. He had to stay off work for almost 3 months to undergo chemo and radiation treatment plus to recuperate. That was when we started chatting online almost on a daily basis. We talked almost about everything, sharing funny reels as I wanted to get his mind off his treatment. Despite our age gap, we share many interests like anime, art and photography to name a few. We've been to several events and movies together but usually with other colleagues present. We still chat but on a weekly basis now that he's back to work and we meet on weekdays at work.
I didn't read too much into it until last Friday when I broke down in front of him for the first time due to some family issues. Naturally, he listened patiently and patted my head and hugged my shoulders to comfort me. He patted my head before on several occasions when I faced some troubles at work but I always thought he just treated me like a younger sister. Then the following Sunday, he asked me out for a drink after our colleague's wedding at night. This was the first time we went out alone together. We talked until 3am in the morning. He's a pretty chatty guy and did most of the talking but I was content with just listening. He confided in me about his worries for his family and his cancer (he's a cancer survivor now). He talked about how painful the treatment was and even contemplated s*****e. It really breaks my heart how he secretly feels anxious but still pretended to be funny to others.
I was even more certain of our chemistry when we met yesterday to attend an anime exhibition and comic art festival. We stopped in front of a booth that caught our eyes at the festival. There was a handmade clay figurine that he picked up and showed me. I complimented that it's cute. He bought it the next second, took my hand and placed the figurine on my palm. I was flustered for a second and said thanks. My heart was pounding and I swear I may have blushed so hard! It feels like a date to me at that moment. We even shared water from his bottle. It feels kinda personal to me as I don't make a habit of sharing drinks with anyone and assumed most people don't like it either. We went to get my fav dessert (coincidentally his fav dessert too) and the day ended with us getting his favourite korean barbecue for dinner and went back to our separate homes at 12am. He patted my head again when I got off his car!
Here's a few reasons on why I think he likes me a little:-

1. He sometimes jokingly tells other team members we went on a date when in fact we went to a work meeting.
   
2. He bought me several gifts, mainly figurines of an anime character that I like and model kits- both on my birthday and normal days.
   
3. There was a woman who was interested in him and kept pestering him, wanting him to send her his recent selfie. He jokingly said he will send her a picture of him with me to lead the woman into thinking I'm his girlfriend.
   
4. There was once when I cried in front of my other colleague (let's call her 'J') at a mall during our lunch break. When we were walking back to our office, he happened to be there because he was going to meet up with 'J' for work. He was texting on his phone and was pretty far away. I didn't greet him because my eyes and nose were red and I didn't want him to see it so I blended within the crowd and walked passed him thinking he didn't see me. I didn't expect him to notice me at all as he asked me after work if I was feeling sad. At first I thought 'J' told him that I cried but she texted me later explaining she did not say anything to him, instead he asked her all of a sudden if I was sad.
   

Sorry for the extremely long post but I really needed to know if he likes me or just treats me like a younger sister. His friend told him once that his past relationships went bad because he tends to care for girls that seem pitiful and doesn't share same family background as him. He has a healthy relationship with his family while all of his ex-girlfriends came from unhealthy family or single mothers so they were more demanding and controlling. I didn't want to misunderstand his feelings as fondness when he just feels pity for me.

Hi all, I am 23F. I've been witnessing a ton of graduation photos recently.. Even one of my exes graduated and it has significantly brought my mood down. I know and you know that deep down I'm not "over him."If anything I resent him. (Other story).
Many people I know who have taken a gap year, have graduated. And even worse I am here.. Unemployed, trying to find a job, in debt, still cycling here and there through my moods even with my medication that I'm still trying to stabilize. I want to be like them, I want to graduate, I wish I could go back to the future and decide to not drop out. What if I didn't drop out, would I have gotten my bachelors degree? I wish I had a degree to even bring a smile to my mom's face, but I am unemployed and I'm not able to provide for her the way I've always wanted to.
I thought that internally I was really finding myself, trying to battle bipolar. I was proud of myself, but even worse it cycles (as it usually does). I am proud one day, next I am in tears wondering what I am even doing with my life and why I am the way I am. I want to be proud and I have found some techniques to help me with positive talk. I have an amazing therapist and an amazing psychiatrist, but everything still feels like it's not in place and I don't know what else to say or do.
I hide a lot of things from my therapist and it ranges from my mood disorder such as getting irritated, yelling at my boyfriend, making impulsive decisions to message people, etc... (so many more...)
I'm not sure how to go forward with these feelings.. I feel so lost.
I feel absolutely disappointed in myself as I sit here after a night at the bar realizing that I can't have my boyfriend paying for my drinks all the time, paying for my gas. I don't want to live like that. I want to be able to get my degree, get a good job to provide, make the people around me proud and happy, make myself proud and happy. I can't help but ask myself what have I been doing with my life.
I want to be normal. I want to graduate college, get a good job. Provide, take care of the people I love. There are so many things I want to accomplish, but will I even have time????? I'm so lost guys. I really need some other opinions and perspectives, maybe it will help me realize on a different angle.

I’m struggling with a suddenly very clingy toddler and I’m not sure what to do.
She constantly wants “up”, wants to sit in my lap to eat dinner, screams/cries very loudly at bedtime and throughout the night. (She use to sleep 10-12 hours at night). And good lord if my husband goes into her room instead of me at night, she explodes even worse.
We’ve tried comforting her, sitting in her room while she falls asleep, holding to sleep and eventually just letting her cry it out after all needs are met. Bedtime is an hour long battle of tears. In the middle of the night it can take up to 2 hours to get her back to sleep.
I became so frustrated last night that I brought her into our bed and she slept great but I know I’ve now just created a new problem to break.
My daughter is cared for primarily by me. My husbands helps a lot after work and on weekends. She’s never been away from us or looked after by anyone but us. Although she will start daycare in 3 months once my Maternity leave is over.
I would greatly appreciate any advice for managing this milestone? Regression?

Hi all, our family of four, (6 and 9 year old kids) will be coming there next week and need help with a few things.
We will land in phx and rent a car and drive to Grand Canyon and stay at the hotel close to the entrance.
Visit Grand Canyon the next day, or even that night ( is it open till late?) is there spots for star gazing? Something fun for the kids?
Next day after visiting GC, will drive to Page and stay the night and next morning visit antelope canyon and horse show bend and drive back to Sedona.
Will stay in Sedona for 2 nights. Will be doing pink keep tour, what else can we do that will be fun for the kids?
And then drive back to phx.
What clothes should we pack for this trip give all the places we will be visiting. I guess it will be very hot everywhere so shorts and some kinda UV shirt and hats?
Also, where would you recommend to buy some local items ( clothes etc)?
Any other tips or recommendations?
TIA