Server link: https://discord.gg/Q5mvN4TT
Hey y'all. This is a discord server advertisement for someone who can't post her own due to not having enough karma and being new to discord. She tried advertising in another sub (and checked the rules there too - didn't break any realistically) that would have granted her both demographics she needs, but somehow, surprisingly, the sub is generally anti-transmed and got taken down a few hours after posting last night. Anyway, to the point. [I'm advertising a discord server here. Not this place's official server at all or anything, but hoping to gain traction here. It is for trans women, as well as cis men with genuine attraction. However let me make this clear, this server is NOT for DATING NOR is it ENCOURAGED or advertised that way (but not necessarily discouraged, as this isn't a workplace and I can't dictate if people get really friendly with each other). Each member, especially the men, are carefully vetted by the staff team (as well as a verification template) to ensure safety of members. The server is already relatively small, due to DISBOARD being the only advertisement for 1.5 years combined with the strict membership requirements. However, if you like smaller servers, then it would be great for you, as engagement and friendships come easier. Median age is ~25; Average (most common) isn't really decided due to how scattered the ages are; Age Range is 16-34. I don't know anything about here except looking at the most recent posts, so I assume an average of 22. The age range was changed in "staircase step"-like ways. It went from: 15-19; 15:21; 15-25; 15+ on terms of the server struggling with membership and activity, with large time gaps between the 2nd and 3rd change. Also, the server is US-centric (in population), but we do have a few people in other regions (EU second "popular", but NA is leading by far). Just things to keep in mind if you are thinking about joining. Yet with that said, also do keep in mind that as different people join, from varied ages and backgrounds, the entire demographic of the server changes - just in case something mentioned here makes you hesitant/drawback. I'm a very thorough person by nature, so I just want to make sure you know what to expect. The server is transmed-based, but not centralized. (This is where a large section was that cleared up misconceptions of what transmedicalism really is, in a non aggressive, gently persuasive tone.) What this means is the server does not focus on transmed conversations in general. Bottom line requirement is believing that experiencing gender dysphoria is mandatory in order to be a transsexual. There's a small "vibe/atmosphere" of it, because I mean, that's the basic grounding of the server, but it's not like that is what's talked about the majority/half the time. It's just two groups of people, men and women (some boys and girls) coming together with a common ground sense of community. Alrighty, I yapped enough, and I think that should give you a deep enough dive into everything you should expect/factor into your decision to join. Below is the server description, which mentions everything I've said. Hope you decide to join, you won't regret it! Also, if you know anywhere I can advertise that would help me farm cis men, that would mean a lot. I've only had Reddit for a few weeks, so I'm not sure where to look. bi_irl is full of chasers, and /Bisexual is tucute-inclusive]
"‿︵‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣ɞ・.⋅ Howdy ⋅.・ ʚ˚̣̣̣ɞ‿︵‿︵‿︵ 𓆩♡𓆪 Welcome to ˚ʚ Angelgates ɞ˚!! 𓆩♡𓆪 Here we are a community consisting of cissex guys and transsex girls. We introduce you to an oasis to find community and family! 𓆩♡𓆪 We are also a community for (straight / bisexual) transsex girls to meet with and build meaningful connections with each other! 𓆩♡𓆪 Completely vice versa, we are a community for cissex guys who are attracted to transsex girls for support! 𓆩♡𓆪 This is NOT a DATING server, so don't expect to find anything like that with our help. 𓆩♡𓆪 This is NOT a DEBATE server. Go find somewhere else that entertains whatever claims you have. 𓆩♡𓆪 Currently real small, yet very active! 𓆩♡𓆪 In need of male members!! 𓆩♡𓆪 Our staff team will keep our server safe and friendly. 𓆩♡𓆪 We offer a wide variety of different categories covering many different topics, as well as an array of (roleplaying) bots! 𓆩♡𓆪 Please stop by and give us a chance!
═══════════════ ⋆★⋆ ═══════════════ ➤
We do NOT accept: gay guys; transsex guys; lesbians; cissex girls; or "non-binary" or whatever ➠ There are plenty of distinct communities dedicated to you. ➤ We definitely DO NOT accept chasers. ➠ Half of this community is for guys who may have preexisting issues keeping them from interacting with and/or withhold a willingness to learn about girls with a certain condition. Not a perverted sexual fantasy, and definitely not some buffet to harass our members.

I’m 17 years old and most of you are probably gonna all tell me the same thing or say it’s all apart of the teenage experience, which is probably true but fuck it sucks. I dated my ex on and off for 2 years, he never really knew what he wanted but closer to the end of March this year I decided to completely stop talking to him because I was just over the entire thing. A couple days later I met this other guy on an app where you can get in touch with other people your age and in your area, we’ll call this boy EP. He messaged me on the app first and we just had small talk before we followed each other on social media but after that he didn’t really message me or replied to my messages, he would reply to certain things I posted sometimes and I didn’t hide that I was interested in him because I would heart things that he posted often. But I didn’t try too hard because he wasn’t really giving the same energy back. About two weeks after all of this he messaged me randomly one night while it was late and he asked me what I was up to, I was cleaning and watching a movie at the time, he asked if he can come watch the movie with me, I took it as a joke at first and made a jokingly response but he told me he was serious and he was ready to be on his way as long as I said it was ok. I was a bit skeptical but I ended up letting him come over. We talked for a bit but we ended up having sex.
This is definitely something I ended up regretting and I’m not very proud of it and to make matters worse no protection was involved. Before he left he kissed me goodbye and told me he would text me later but he never really did. A few days later he replied to a story I posted and ignored me when I mentioned him ghosting me. It made me upset and I felt disgusting for a while but I didn’t make attempts to reach out or talk to him. I left it alone. That was until I started feeling sick almost everyday, I was way more tired than usual during the days and I realized that I hadn’t gotten my period like I was supposed to. I brought a pregnancy test and I took it with my friend and my school social worker and it came back positive. I tried to tell him the next day but he ignored me so I had my friend message him whom he replied to fast and she told him. He was denying it at first and was confused and asked what girl was she talking about, when she said it was me he kind of denied the possibility of it being him because he claimed he didn’t finish inside of me. I knew for certain it was by him because he was the first and only person I’ve slept with in 7 months. He ended up blocking my friend as she was texting him and he blocked my phone number but not on social media, he never blocked or removed me he just muted me. After that and I seen the way he reacted and knowing that I would more than likely be on my own with the kid if I were to have it I decided to tell my mom everything so she can schedule me an appointment for an abortion. She was upset but eventually she just became supportive through the entire process. My friend has another friend who used to go to school with ep and she had her talk to me and she basically told me that he’s a complete player and he does what he did to me all the time to other girls and she encouraged me to go through with the abortion. Shortly before I messaged him from a text now number and just went off on him and expressed my anger, he never replied back he probably didn’t even care but hey.
After all of that was taken care of I just fell into a depression and I’m still currently in. I know it’s my fault and I got myself into this mess on my own, and the crazy part about it all is that I haven’t cried not once, but I still feel hurt and dead on this inside, i decided to delete social media today because I find myself stalking his accounts too often. I even found his ex girlfriends pages, apparently they still talk and mess around with each other but on her social media she is very open about the relationship they had/have and she talked about how he cheated on he more than once, one time it was with one of her friends. There was just a lot she posted and it just appears that he’s just not a good guy but she has a harsh attachment to him which I understand, anyone’s who’s been in a toxic relationship before understands. I just found myself feeling bad for her but I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me so I didn’t make it my business too much.
But other than that I’ve just not been doing the best mentally and emotionally, I think about him too much, I’m tired of feeling this way, I feel like I don’t even have a valid right to feel the way I do about him because me and him never bonded emotionally or got to know each other. We have no type of emotional attachment but I do feel like my heart is broken and it has everything to do with him and what happened, I feel super delusional and crazy and I probably am. I made myself too vulnerable and easy and he took advantage of me during a weak moment in my life. I’m just taking it one day at a time now and being patient with myself and trying to focus on the next steps of my life since I just graduated high school. I have no interest or desire to talk to any boys anymore. Part of me still hopes that one day EP would reach out to me and give it a shot but I that’s probably unrealistic. I know I’ll get over it eventually.

I've seen a lot of people asking about the differences between the Stratos and the Manta. I too was having trouble deciding between them / comparing them, so I got my hands on them and tried them out. Hopefully this helps others make a decision as well.
Note: This post is specifically going to be comparing the Manta 24 L and the Stratos 24 L only.
——
Notes
At the time of this post, the Manta is $200 and the Stratos is $180. The Manta comes with $50 worth of water bladder. Buying the same water bladder (the 2.5 L LT) separately for the Stratos makes the configuration $230.
Additionally, using Osprey's website to sort by Backsystems > "AirSpeed" does not show Manta as an option. I think this is a bug on their website. When the only filter condition is "BackSystems: AirSpeed", the Stratos (along with others) shows up but the Manta does not. As far as I know, the Manta has not been discontinued.
The Manta I looked at was made in February 2024, and the Stratos was made in December 2023. They are both the current / latest version of the backpack.
When you buy from Amazon, make sure you check when your backpack was made (black label on the inside of the biggest pocket). Amazon does not differentiate between the product years and has sold previous year's versions (like that had the button + elastic ladder system instead of the current plastic ladder system) recently. Watch out for this.
——
Expert Opinions
Before comparing their specifics, I want to include this: I talked with someone at REI extensively about the two bags. He said he'd been working at REI helping people find hiking backpacks for decades and that he always recommends buying the backpack that doesn't come with a water bladder and to buy both items separately instead. He told me that in order for a company to keep their water-bladder-included backpacks (Manta) similarly priced to their water-bladder-not-included backpacks (Stratos), that the companies used lower quality materials, cut corners, and generally made the water-bladder-included backpacks lower quality. Because of this, his personal strong option was to go for the Stratos over the Manta.
In contrast, after studying these backpacks carefully and thoroughly, I came to the exact opposite conclusion: I chose the Manta over the Stratos.
——
The Specifics
Here is every difference I found between the two. Please let me know if I missed anything. To keep things more concise, I will use "S" to denote Stratos 24 L and "M" to denote Manta 24 L. I am not talking about sizes!
Load Lifters

• S had thicker straps
• M has thinner straps

Frame

• I think their frames are identical

H20 Port

• M H2O passthrough feels slightly more constricted than S

Shoulder Straps

• Maybe it was just the two backpacks I recieved, but the S has way softer shoulder straps than the M
  • It's possible this will change or even out with wear, but initial reaction was they are quite different
  • This was the only case where I found the S better than the M, but significantly so
  • I reached out to Osprey to ask if they use different materials in the straps
• S under-strap material wraps onto the front equally on both sides
• M under-strap material only wraps onto the front from the inside, making the outside of the strap a little less comfortable and scratchier
• S had chest strap with clip + whistle
• M has chest strap with magnetic latch (that water bladder mouthpiece can attach to)

Waist Belt

• S wait belt pockets bigger than M
  • S easily fits iPhone 14 Pro Max with case
  • M fits but tighter and slower to get in and out
• This may be the specific bags I tried but S hip belt feels *slightly* more padded than M

Rain Cover Pocket

• M rain cover pocket is wider than S
  • M stocks out less and impacts internal space less because rain cover can be folded thinner and flatter
  • S sticks out slightly more because it's folded into a space about 1/2 the size of the M

Total Pockets

• S has 5 (from inside to outside):
  • 1. Medium mesh filled pocket
    • Has key-ring
  • 2. Large primary compartment
    • There's an elastic separator for the water bladder
  • 3. Small sunglasses pocket
  • 4. Medium vertical pocket
  • 5. Small rain cover pocket
• M has 5 (from inside to outside)
  • 1. Large dedicated water bladder compartment
  • 2. Large primary compartment
  • 3. Small sunglasses pocket
  • 4. Medium side access vertical zip pocket
    • Has key-ring
  • 5. Small rain cover pocket
  • 6-ish. Elastic stuff compartment

Compression Straps

• The upper compression straps clip in opposite directions on each bag
• M tightening part faces away from you if you're wearing the bag
• S tightening part faces towards you if you're wearing the bag
• M pulls from closer to the center of the bag than S, M seems to compress better than S
• M buckles stick out sideways off the top of the bag and kinda look dumb when unclipped

BackSystem / AirSpeed

• The holes in the S mesh are larger
• The holes in the M mesh are smaller, which kinda surprised me because I'd imagine it is *slightly* worse for ventilation
• S has almost-white netting, M has same-color (at least it's black on the black M) and looks like it'll handle dirt and sweat better

Conclusion
Over all, the Manta is the clear winner to me over the Stratos. Better pockets, more organization, more versatile, and faster access to gear.
The Stratos, despite not being a dedicated water bladder backpack weirdly seems slightly better in terms of how the water bladder hangs and how the tube goes through the bag. I had a hard time getting the tube out of the way of the bladder on the Manta, while the tube lays flush on the Stratos and doesn't twist. The Stratos bladder hangs lower than the Manta which might be why, but that probably makes the load distribution on the Manta better.
The Stratos trampoline mesh felt more breathable with the larger holes, though this may be just the style of the specific one I tried. I am awaiting Osprey's reply on the topic.
The Stratos shoulder straps felt softer, but also were undeniably more comfortable with the towards-you facing material wrapping around both edges of the strap. This may be minor or end up not mattering after use, this is just my perspective. I am also waiting Osprey's reply to this topic.
I think if you're planning on not using a water bladder / don't need to access your stuff often and you prioritize maximum comfort, Stratos might have a slight edge.
Manta feels more premium, more thoughtfully designed, and is absolutely more user-friendly. The difference in quality of organization is significant. I also like that the Manta's colors seem more uniform.

This is my first reddit post, and I'm just looking for any insight that someone who has gone through the application process might be able to offer me, either words of encouragement or a reality check. I've always been interested in going to medical school, but recently decided that I'm focusing my efforts on applying to UK schools exclusively. Based on my own lack of knowledge and some doubt that has been cast on me by people in the past, I feel like I'm crazy enough for thinking I am qualified to compete for a seat in grad-entry medicine as an international applicant, so I figured there must be someone with experience as an international applicant who would know more than me, and if i'm qualified given my experience.
I have a bachelors degree in mechanical engineering through an honors program (3.9 GPA) from a top public school for engineering, and one of the 5 largest schools in the entire country. I also completed traditional 'pre-med' courses alongside the degree (chem, biochem, physiology, etc.). I'm still here doing a master's in biomedical engineering, where my focus is in medical devices and injury biomechanics. In undergrad, I held leadership positions in a few different university organizations (which im sure is irrelevant in applications), and completed a few internships and co-ops outside of school, one of which was with a medical device testing and validation company. I also completed a 2 year capstone project, where I worked with local trauma surgeons to develop a new device for a surgical procedure, where I gained vast experience in medical device regulation and shadowing experience from the surgeons and their residents. As a result of the project, my team obtained a provisional with my name on it (hoping to have a patent completed soon), and I've continued learning a lot about medical device regulation.
The first year of my masters was focused on leading a research project using postmortem human body donors to study automotive impacts for developing safety criteria, where I gained unique experience with human subject instrumentation and testing, as well as vast experience with human dissection and autopsy for post-test injury analysis, and subsequent data analysis and processing. This next year of my masters will be focused on working as a 'research fellow' outside of my classes with a local children's hospital under a pediatric surgeon, where I'll be shadowing various surgeons and OR staff in order to do the beginning stages of background research to create new ideas for pediatric-specific devices and procedures, where I'll mostly be shadowing in different children's hospitals and presenting new ideas/difficulties that surgeons face.
Outside of school, I've gained shadowing experience with surgeons, residents, PAs, PCAs, nurses, and paramedics as ive been trying to create a picture of the entire continuity of care of a patient between different staff, from the moment a patient calls 911, goes through the ER, all the way to discharge. I also have completed roughly 200 hours of volunteering (half of which are in the ICU of a local childrens hospital where I clean toys and hold/feed babies who do not have present guardians to hold them). I have yet to begin studying for the UCAT, but I have the (ambitious) idea that I would score between 2900-3000 based on my diagnostic tests- though I still have about 2 months to begin studying and reviewing. I'm visiting England to take a look at all of the schools I plan on applying to next month, and have connected with at least 2 students in current medicine programs to chat with about their experience while I visit, but I've been unable to get responses from any admissions staff regarding if I meet the standard qualifications for a grad-entry applicant.
I am wondering if anyone out there would have any idea whether this brief summary of the bulk of my relevant experience would make me stand out as an applicant among the extremely competitive international graduate-entry students. I have a really strong passion for research in medicine, and would describe my ideal role as a physician-scientist where I could do bench-to-bedside research, and I think that schools in the UK would offer the best education for me, especially considering that many schools offer study-abroad options, and would surround me with other students who are driven by the same values that I am.

My mom is asian and very conservative. I live at home and I’m 19, dependent on my parents. She took me aside n said I have no choice but to wear bras at home, when I sleep, basically 24/7. She said that “it shows” but why does it matter? I have a father and two brothers, but none of them had any issue nor even noticed it. Not to mention they walk around with no shirt on, so it is unfair that I am being forced to cover up solely due to my gender. My body is only on my moms concerns, and I feel she is being extreme. She already controls nearly my entire life so her imposing even MORE control is leaving me to feel violated, constricted, and upset. I am also pretty flat, and the clothing I wear covers me up. I wear either baggy shirts at home or thick tank tops, so in my opinion she is being nit-picky and weird. All I want is to be able to be comfortable at home and not care about how I look, but she is taking that away from me. I cannot even have a safe space as long as I live here. I know this sounds like a silly vent but this is the last straw for me, I’ve dealt with her enough, it’s too much. I am used to her going through my closet and my drawers, but her doing it again ON TOP of her telling me this new rule of wearing a bra all the time is making me go overboard, so I felt the need to vent about it.

Info:

• 3 of us (46/45) and kid (7)
• HCOL area (about 20-25% higher than the national avg)
• Both work for the California State Govt
• Will receive a CalPERS pension, have options of non-matching trad and Roth 401k and 457 and we pay into SSA.
• No HSA available in any of the health plan options.

Income data:

• 5 year average combined annual is:
  • Form 1040 AGI: $182k. married, joint. For the 2023 tax year, we were in the 24% fed and 9.3% California tax bracket
  • Gross: $235k
  • “Net”: $112k
• Off the top, the Gross covers:
  • Fed/state tax liabilities. The last few years we got a small refund or owed a bit, so the paycheck deductions are close enough.
  • SSA tax
  • Medicare tax
  • Health/dental/vision premiums
  • Legal insurance
  • Work parking dues
  • Union dues
  • Pension contributions (mandatory)
  • Traditional 401k
  • Roth 401k*
  • Roth 457*

We only recently started to max all 3 retirement accounts after paying off our mortgage.
*I know Roth contributions are post tax, but it comes out before our paycheck deposits so I included it before the “Net” since we don't see it. Everything else is pre-tax deductions.

• After all that, we're left with our “Net” of $112k for our annual expenses:
  • Needs: $60k (groceries, clothing, utilities, property tax, home/vehicle insurance, home/vehicle M&O, medical/dental/vision copays, 529, education supplements/activities, donations, etc)
  • Wants: $36k (vacation, dining, fun stuff, entertainment, etc)
  • Savings: $12k (HYSA, brokerage, saving towards a car, etc)
  • Float about $4-5k between months after all is said and done that sits in a local bank’s savings, so we can access cash if needed the day of or we're somewhere and need cash.
• This $112k is approximately what we live on, our annual expenses. Wants and Savings can be reduced to $0 and Needs could be tighten a bit, if SHTF.

Retirement situation:
CalPERS Pension:

• Estimate pension gross will be based on our highest 12 months salary, which for 2024 will be about $279k.
• The pension has a COLA https://www.calpers.ca.gov/page/retirees/cost-of-living/cola but it’s not equal to the CPI, so payments may not keep up with inflation. However, the lowest it can be though is 75% of the original value, so I could assume that 25% reduction. PPPA https://www.calpers.ca.gov/page/retirees/cost-of-living/pppa
• We're also taking the option that leaves the same payment for life to a beneficiary, our child when we pass away. Since their age is much lower, this is reducing our pension by about 28%. They are an only child, no family members in the country. This is why we will choose this option, to ensure they have some financial help if we both go earlier than expected.

Based on our estimated 2024 gross of $279k using the pension fund’s retirement calculator we would receive this pension gross depending on the age we chose to retire.

• Age 55: $136k (or $102k at 75%)
• Age 60: $176k (or $132k at 75%)
• Age 63: $195k (or $146k at 75%)

Current 2024 retirement account balances:

• Traditional 457: 330k
• Traditional 401: 230k
• Roth 457:11k
• Roth 401:60k
• Roth IRA: 80k
• Brokerage: $300k
• SSA: ignoring it but if the program is funded, we will take it at 62.

Other financial data:

• HYSA: $100k
• Regular SA/Checking: $4-5k
• 529: $2k but not counting it since it’s really not for us, will be for our kid’s education or roll into a Roth IRA for them.
• Mortgage is paid off, 20y/o home. Based on redfin worth about $700k, but not relevant since we don't plan to sell.
• No recurring debt
• Recently switched from contributing to a Roth IRA in favor of the Roth 457b and Roth 401k
• Two vehicles: Honda 20 y/o, 190k miles. Honda 10 y/o, 100k miles. Both are functioning well and maintained but I expect we’ll need to replace one or both in the next 5-10 years. Vehicle safety improvements are making us consider a safer vehicle to replace the 20 y/o one.
• College in about 10 years, so that may be the biggest expense.
• Retirement health care: estimated $3k in annual premiums (in 2024 dollars) for the 3 of us, the rest is paid through the CalPERS retiree benefits. I believe they will cover 90% of the premiums.

Unknowns

• Unexpected health expenses. Long term care?
• Major home repairs or remodel for our primary home. We don't expect or plan to move.

Questions:

1. Using 2024 dollars, for annual expenses of $112k, we’ll need to gross about $160k. Assuming 30% covers fed and state income taxes and health care premiums. Is this a good assumption?

If we retire at age 55

1. Our pension, at worst, will provide $102k leaving us a gap of $58k?
2. At a SWR of 4% we would need about $1.45M in a taxable account to cover the gap for 25 years?
3. Since we shouldn’t pull from the 401k or 457 until 59.5 right?. That leaves us with the brokerage or savings of $290k to cover the gap for 5 years? Those accounts have $290k today. Does this mean we could we stop contributing to the HYSA or brokerage if we plan to retire at 55?
4. Our 401/457 accounts with continued max contributions and growth should hopefully cover the gap starting at age 59.5?
5. We could also work part time, in both our lines of work the skills are transferable to part-time and consultant type work. Many we know do this today.

If we retire at 60

1. Our pension, at worst, will provide $132k leaving us a gap of $28k?
2. At a SWR of 4%, we would need about $700k in a taxable account to cover the gap for 25 years?
3. Our 401/457 accounts have $700k today. Does this mean we could stop all contributions today if we plan to retire at 60?

I ran the numbers through firecalc and it gives me a 100% success. I used a few others like coastfire calculators and mainstream retirement calculators and they all say we'll be fine.

1. What am I missing? I feel like I am missing something big here or there is a flaw in my calculation and plans. Something is wrong, right?. We can't be ok for retirement?
2. Should we consider maxing 6 retirement accounts, instead of 3? Both trad/Roth 401k and trad/Roth 457b. Start back on maxing the Roth IRA? Or Backdoor Roth? Our retirement contributions seem high already. We don't have much wiggle room each month. I don't think we would ever stop some traditional 401k/457b contributions to help reduce our tax liability today.
3. Are we making a mistake taking a much lower pension, for the benefit of our child? Should we take a normal pension and invest the left over funds for them instead? The pension will help create some supplemental wealth for one generation but investments could create multi generational wealth, right? Should I even care about that?

Sorry for the long post, I tried to include as many details that I've seen in other posts.
Thanks in advance for any advice and guidance.

Hey, thanks for reading this! :) First off: I'm sorry this turned out so stupidly long, it could probably have been 3 sentences. I have "can't keep myself short" disease. Here goes:
I have a question regarding side-effect management on Vyvanse, and whilst google/reddit did provide some answers, they were all over the place and mostly anecdotal. --- I would ask my doctor, but to be entirely honest, he's very good at shrugging his shoulders. I don't get the impression that he particularly cares about patient comfort.
Anyway, a little rundown: I'm a trans man (meaning afab, been on testosterone for 6+ years now), 25, and a naturally very short/slim person at 1.65m/50kg (I would like to gain another 5kg, my metabolism is hard to keep up with, always has been. I was born 3 months early, my childhood doctor once said that's normal for "our kind"?). I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, and have been on medication since the beginning of this year. It has monumentally improved my quality of life, I am very grateful, I just also struggle a little with side-effects!
I take 30mg Elvanse (US: Vyvanse) in the late morning. I started out with Medikinet (Ritalin in the US, I think) but that gave me strong nausea as well as some blood pressure + heartrate issues, so we switched. I also tried 50mg Elvanse for 1 month, the mental effect was better, but the nausea got worse. I also take 5mg Bisoprolol (betablockers), because Elvanse still gives me (much less severe) elevated BP. This part is mostly fine these days, at least numbers-wise (it still feels a little off, some times).
Here's my main issue: I am so, so thirsty all the time! My mouth feels like cotton, water cannot quench it. I've always drank almost exclusively water, and before medication I drank about 1.5 litres of pure water (the daily recommendation in Germany, I'm not sure why googling in English suggests twice the amount?) a day, of course on top of the usual food+other drinks intake. On medication it's now more like 2-2.5 litres of pure water, I am actively stopping myself from drinking more.
For the past two months I've been putting an electrolyte package into my water every day, which DID improve the thirst situation as well as some other mild side-effects, but did not fix it entirely. (Chewing sugar-free bubblegum also helps briefly.) I am concerned about over-hydration, mainly because I already cut down a little on my initial water intake, and this seemed to improve my general well-being and digestion. As another factor I already physically struggle to meet my caloric turnover of ~2.5k+/day, so stomach space is a hot commodity. I do eat plenty and regularly and balanced, cooking is a passion of mine! High on carbs and fibre and good fats.
For full context: The other side-effects I still struggle with are mild afternoon nausea, fatigue (may be unrelated), and a varying, tight feeling of high BP/pulse which my pressure cuff somehow doesn't agree exists. It thinks I'm in the upper end of peachy, although the diastolic figure tends to plummet off the lower end of the chart. (Also: Elvanse doesn't last nearly as long as the manufacturer claims it should. Maybe half.)
Here's finally my actual question: I just read that stimulants don't only make you "falsely" feel thirsty (this was my assumption thus far), but actually make you need more water. Is this true? Does my body physically need this extra litre it's demanding, or is it just confusing "dry mouth" for "actually thirsty"?
....Are there maybe any other suggestions to help with my cottton mouth? Or the remaining issues? (I'm in Germany, US brand recommendations might fall short...)
I'm once more sorry this got so long, my situation is a bit convoluted, I think! Thank you for reading!

I've been applying to jobs for about 6 months in preparation for my internship ending (which happened about 2 months ago now). I (23F) have applied to around 100 jobs so far, most entry level and have heard back from probably around 10 and interviewed for 2. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I graduated about a year and a half ago.
Without sounding too cocky, I know I'm highly qualified. I have several past supervisors who are willing to give me glowing recommendations, I'm hardworking, a quick learner, have a BA and a BS with departmental honors in one of them, was a part of my college's honors program, graduated early with a 3.8 GPA, had past internships at recognizable companies, experience in research in both fields I majored in (both social sciences), etc.
And yet... I can't seem to find a job let alone hear back from anyone. I've even tried using my connections from past internships with dead ends. I applied to my local grocery store and they rejected me right away. I live in a pretty big city but I can't find a job or get many interviews. I'm constantly updating my resume to make it more computer-friendly, always write custom cover letters, and so on.
What am I missing? Has anyone had this experience and gotten out of it? I'm just so frustrated but clearly something isn't working.

Previous part: 8.99.
​
One thing that I'm not getting here is why Vanessa is even a part of Vanny or Glitchtrap's situation since Double-V is true. I originally thought up Double-V, I was originally thinking that Vanessa and Vanny were sharing the role of "Vanny".
It's just one of them was more willing than the other to be a part of Glitcthtrap's machinations than the other. I didn't put too much thought into it, but it was something I wanted to look for until that Security Team revelation came about.
But now I'm left with this puzzle piece called Vanessa that I'm not quite sure what to do with now that I know that Vanny is an entirely separate person from her.
She has to be involved with Vanny and Gltichtrap somehow. Maybe the therapy tapes will help.

• CD 1-Therapist: — but a routine check of your online history has revealed that you spend quite a bit of time with someone in an encrypted conversation. We have transcripts, and I’ve read them, but it’s not clear what you’re talking about in these conversations. I can’t make sense of it. You must be getting something from these that I’m not getting. Right? Who are you talking to in these?

These are all things that would've pointed toward Glitchtrap if I didn't know better. So it's someone else doing this? Why and why her?

• CD 5-Therapist: — Apparently, the IT department has put together a pretty lengthy report chronicling non-job-related communications that have been coming to your computer. — what bothers me about what I read is that the messages you're getting seem very manipulative in nature. —You know who I'm talking about. What you might not know is that this person who's been sending you messages has been hacking into your personal files too.
• CD 5-Vanessa: Lots of people know more than I do. Sometimes I need to listen.

So Vanessa knows who's doing this to her. But she's been refusing to listen to them before and is now being worn down by the spamming messages sent to her. But the fact that she doesn't react to the news that they are digging into her personal life is very concerning!
Also, after going through Vanny's secret dialogue in Help Wanted, Vanessa's overall demeanor in both Security Breach and the Retro Cds clashes hard with Vanny's in both games. Where Vanny sounds and reads eager and nervous, Vanessa is defiant and reluctant with depressed undertones.
Is Vanessa really infected with Glitchtrap?
Yet now that I'm thinking about it, Glitchtrap has no need to do this as him sitting through Vanessa's therapy session with her would give him this info if she was infected. Who's ever doing this doesn't much about her, but would very much like to. Is it Vanny or Gregory...
Wait, hold on. Vanessa's first therapist mentioned that messages were encrypted and couldn't make out what the conversation was about. But the second therapist can understand these messages to know that they're manipulative in nature. Are these two different messengers?!
" I’ve read them, but it’s not clear what you’re talking about in these conversations**.** I can’t make sense of it. You must be getting something from these that I’m not getting." - The first Therapist
"but what bothers me about what I read is that the messages you're getting seem very manipulative in nature." - The second Therapist
What changed? Hmm... What exactly is an encrypted conversation? Maybe explaining that will help.
Encrypted text messaging is a method of secure communication that converts your messages into code. This means that only the recipient with the correct decryption key can read it. - Google
That sounds like what the first Therapist is referring to, but she mentions that they got the transcripts for it. Does that mean that got the code or the decryption key to read it? No, she says transcripts, which means the code itself.
But whatever the first Therapist saw in that transcript was legible enough to read and comprehend. This means the conversation wasn't in computer coding that would require someone in the tech field to decipher it, but just ordinary talk that's hard to understand what it's about.
Okay, that clears things up, they're still the same messenger.

• CD 11-Therapist: So, on your breaks, it looks like you were shopping for a costume. you purchased some fake fur material.
• CD 11- Vanessa: I can't talk about this. He said he would always be watching. He could be here or there or anywhere in between.
• CD 11-Therapist: No, that's not what I mean. You can't just ignore an issue. You have to face your memory of the experiences and process them so you can let it go. So you don't get triggered anymore. you can use this sort of self-dialogue to release these things
• CD 11-Vanessa: I don't like doing that.

This one conversation right here throws everything about Double-V out of whack. Why is Vanessa buying fake fur material? And for the very first time, we know the gender of who's messaging her along that he said that he would always be watching her.
Again the "he" here, and the "he will always be watching" part allude to Glitchtrap at first glance. And again, it can't be him because he should be within Vanessa since they merged in Help Wanted! Even if you dismissed the ending I proposed for Vanny and went with the ending where she gets locked up by Glitchtrap, it still wouldn't be him messaging her about watching here because he would be in her body!
And like I already said before, Vanessa has shown no memory problems or bodily control problems, which would've suggested Glitchtrap's control. No, this means that Gregory is doing all of this.
But why is he going after Vanessa? Geez, It's been a while since I even thought about his past before Security Breach. I forgot how much of a black hole of questions he is, regarding the lore. I'll give my updated thoughts about him after the Double-V revelation later.
For now, after going through all of Gregory's dialogue in Security Breach. It looks like he's not quite aware of the ongoings within the Pizzaplex and is shocked by the level of security can employ later in the night. There may actually be a hint of his hacker background in his dialogue if you squint. And Gregory has absolutely no idea what the rabbit laddy's name is until he gets to Fazerblast.
As for Gregory's involvement with Vanessa... Huh, that's weird. Gregory doesn't say Vanessa's name even once in Security Breach. Matter of fact, after the beginning sequence where Vanessa confronts Freddy about him, Gregory just stops talking about or even mentioning her for the rest of the game. This includes the confrontation that leads to her locking him up in Lost and Found and after it...
No matter how you slice it, Gregory's silence about her is super loud with alarm bells. Sure, he dismisses her as working with Vanny in the beginning, but it shouldn't mean that she should be an afterthought to him! Like, Gregory only talks about or mentions "the rabbit lady" after the beginning of the game.
In fact, if we were to rank every important character that Gregory talks about or mentions in his dialogue for Security Breach from most to least, it would look like this.

1. Freddy - 33 times
2. Vanny - 6 times
3. Chica - 6 times
4. Roxy - 4 times
5. Monty - 3 times
6. Moon - 3 times
7. Vanessa - 3 times
8. Burntrap - 1 time

That's absurd! Especially since she's the only other human worker in the Pizzaplex, besides Vanny, who encounters and confronts him. Like, he doesn't even try to communicate with her at all during the entire game!
Even when discovering Vanny's hideout in Fazerblast and Freddy suggests that Vanny is Vanessa due to deduceing Vanny's name being a combination of Vanessa + Bunny, Gregory remains silent about it! No, "Oh maybe you're right." or "That sounds too simple to be right", but instead there's no response to what might be the identity of your pursuer!
It's like he doesn't want to talk about her...
He knows her, he has to know Vanessa! Yet, he said, "I don't know who she is, but she's trying to get me!" to Freddy. Is he lying? No, he just knows about her.

• CD 14-Therapist: —They report that they've caught you on camera, or at least it appears to be you. — Well the techs are convinced that you've hacked into their system many times. — the electronics you like? I saw in your file that you have developed software programs that talk to you and repeat phrases, right? The program asks you questions and prompts you for responses. It's kind of like your own self therapy, isn't it? Another way of talking to yourself to work things out, right? When I saw some of your recent encrypted conversation logs, that's what I thought I was looking at. It felt like I was watching someone go back and forth in their own head, but the text found something that's different than that. When I read what they found, at first I thought I was looking at more examples of you just talking with yourself. Then I realized it was different. When I study this, it sounds like there is someone else responding to you. Who is it?

This is either hinting towards Gregory talking directly to Vanessa or Glitchtrap. But something that confuses me is why the therapist has or even be able to see Gregory's encrypted conversation logs?
I'll admit that I'm ignorant about therapy, but should your therapist have access to stuff you created outside of therapy? Unless Gregory created the program on a computer in therapy. It could explain how he's gotten access to Vanessa's files. But I'll drop that talk for now.
Something that's being made clear to me now is that Vanessa is not as connected to the villains as Gregory is, as she's more surprised by the changing of therapist than he is. In fact, Gregory knows why the therapists are disappearing, knows exactly when the therapists do something that would cause them to disappear, and doesn't seem upset when they show up mangled and dead.
But more than anything, Gregory knew Vanny long before Security Breach started. There's no reason why Gregory would know Vanny has enough control over the Pizzaplex to cut off Freddy from the network, in just one encounter. If anything, he should have assumed she was some weirdo stranger in the Pizzaplex that the security and the police needed to take care of.
But he already knew that Vanny had power in the Pizzaplex, maybe not the full scope, but enough to know that if she and he ever came into conflict with one another that ended with her wanting to hurt him then he needed to get out of the Pizzaplex.
Funnily enough, this actually lines up with the first-ever trailer for Security Breach, where Vanny says: "Gregory, I may have lost my temper earlier. But it was just a glitch!" Which implies they talking neutrally before whatever made Vanny lose her temper." Again, I'm not using this as evidence as it's been cut, instead, I'm suggesting that the idea might have merit.

• CD-Therapist: — I have this still shot the techs pulled from the security footage that recorded you in the pizzaplex. That's you, isn't it? I know this image is distorted but I think it looks like you. And you're not alone here. You're talking to someone, or something. it's hard to tell. What are those things? They almost look like rabbit ears. What? You find that amusing? Well I guess it is.

I had always flipped-flopped between the mysterious person being either Glamrock Bonnie or Vanny. Both are connected to Glitchtrap, so either would fit here as Glitchtrap wouldn't be captured by a camera. But with the new evidence I've discovered, Vanny fits as Gregory's mysterious rabbit correspondent in the Pizzaplex.
But what about Vanessa? Is Gregory hacking into her files or is it Vanny and Glitchtrap? Or perhaps Gregory is hacking into her files on behalf of Glitchtrap and Vanny. Either way, Vanessa is getting dragged into Gregory and the Villian's group chat.
Speaking of the therapy, if we take into account the Retro-CD's numbering system the first two numbers are the patient ID number, and the last two numbers are the number of times both Gregory and Vanessa have been to therapy, then we can uncover some invaluable information.
Gregory has been in therapy longer than Vanessa and he was also in therapy before her too. But combining this CD's numbering system with a theory from the Talesbook story, GGY, that Gregory only goes to therapy on Sunday. Then Gregory has been going to therapy for a year and a half.
And if Vanessa is following the weekly therapy session pattern, then she's only been going to it for a little more than half a year. This means she started her therapy just about after Gregory hit his half-year mark for therapy. In addition to all that, Vanessa stopped going to therapy once she was transferred to a new location and never met the fourth and final therapist of the CDs.
Just something you all should keep in mind.
But Gregory definitely knows about her at the very least. That knowledge, I guess, is the reason why he's so shocked to see her face under Vanny's mask in the "To The Rooftop" ending. He knows that Vanessa and Vanny are two different people, but doesn't know that they look alike because he never encountered Vanny before Security Breach without her mask or costume.
On the subject of costumes, I still got no answer for Vanessa's purchase of fake animal fur or what's even happening with her now.
To be honest, this would be so simple and easy if Vanessa was just Vanny. But like as I have shown many times before in both this series and the previous one, simple and easy answers are not always the correct ones.
So, instead of looking for signs of the villain's goal with Vanessa in the lore. Let's look at the similarities and differences between the double Vs.
Vanessa's characteristics are.

• Depressed
• Has anxiety issues
• Tired (It's something that has been mentioned by the first and third therapists in CD-1 and CD-10. But seems to have more to do with the messages she's getting than how she usually is.)
• Likes the blue sky
• Likes to sit outside and read
• Watchful about her calorie intake
• Likes flowers or at least the sweet smell of them
• Doesn't like dark basements
• Oh, and hates kids

Vanny's characteristics are.

• Loves Pizza, especially pepperoni (Huh, no wonder she likes Chica)
• Absolutely, does not care about her calorie intake or a healthy diet (Seriously, Girl has gone full gamer mode with the amount of Fizzy Faz, straw drinks, and pizza boxes in areas with her presence in them)
• Hobbies in painting or graffiti
• Likes or used to like Glitchtrap or maybe William Afton (I talk about this in the secret ending)
• Loves Fazbear Entertainment (Vanny uses red spray paint in Ruin and has drawn two hearts on the FAZ ENT. Logo in the main Lobby)
• Likes Toy Chica
• Likes the Daycare Attendant (She seems to be fond of Moon more)
• Likes to read, or at least, read about the World History of Fazbear Entertainment
• Likes Flowers, a specific species of them(that I can't determine right now)
• Likes summer
• Is a mechanic or roboticist or both (She making something in Ruin Fazerblast and has turned Ruin Monty into her lapdog among other things)
• Super lazy (This one may or may not be true, but unless there's a good reason why she refuses to clean up her room in Fazer Blast, this is staying right here as far as I'm concerned)

Wow, I did not realize we already knew this much about Vanny just from the environment storytelling of the games until I listed them!
Anyway, as you can see, there are some very similar likes between the two and very stark differences in traits as well. I'm not about to list them to save word space, but instead, I want to answer a question. Could Vanessa still be Vanny despite their differences? This isn't so much for me, but for the people who believe Vanny = Vanessa despite my Double-V evidence.
At first, I thought there might've been a chance for that as they both like flowers, to read, and enjoy the outside, or at least the summer in Vanny's case. But now, after listing everything out they're just too different to say they're the same.
Even if we say that Vanny's love of pizza, general bad diet, and trashy room is the result of Vanessa coping with her depression and her situation with Glitchtrap and that her graffiti is the by-product of therapy, along with her interest in growing flowers. That doesn't negate the fact that in Ruin when given the chance to express her anxiety, Vanny doesn't take it.
If you don't know, on the wall where Vanny drew her face next to a slice of pizza in the main lobby near the Superstar Daycare entrance, there is a painted graph. The artist who made the graph also wrote on the right side of it; "TAG YOURSELF".
On all four sides of the graph, the artist made the furthest sides of them represent something. The top Y-axis is Wizard, the bottom Y-axis is Cedar the left X-axis is Filled with a word that ends in a y, and the right X-axis is Filled with anxiety.
What this graph is showing, or what the artist trying to convey with it, is that each of the four points represents not quite the opposite thing but the furthest thing from each other. Of which, Vanny decided to tag herself on the furthest left X-axis, not the right.
This tells us that Vanny feels the furthest thing from anxiety. Something Vanessa, no matter if she's under Glitchtrap's control or not, would be constantly feeling as she suffers from it.
As for what she's feeling, I don't know, the word on the left graph is unreadable and covered by Vanny's face to make it almost impossible to decipher. But what I do know without a doubt, is that Vanny and Vanessa are indeed, two different people with some common likes and polar opposite traits.
So after everything I've talked about in the last three? four? However many parts I've been going over Double-V, what is the best possible answer for the "To The Rooftop" ending stinger. Why do Vanny and Vanessa look alike?
I tried, I really did. I looked for as much possible evidence for anything that doesn't just make me give up and say "She's a Fazgoo clone!" or "She's a robot!"
If Vanny was a stranger who mimicked Vanessa's face, then that's cool and horrifying, but only where it concerns Vanessa herself. (The horrifying part, not the cool part.) It doesn't give us reasons why she would do it in the first place or a way to connect it to the greater lore and Glitchtrap, besides she's a human Mimic. Basically, it lacks motivation from everyone in the Villian party.
So it leaves me with no other conclusion except for one.
Back when the marketing for Security Breach was building up to its release. Steel Wool released four old Freddy cartoon episodes on their YouTube channel. Each episode hides a teaser image for the lore, including a character from the games with words, along with a character stinger at the end.
The last carton, which is the most distorted one, just so happened to include Vanessa as the hidden teaser, and Vanny as the character stinger at the end. And before you all jump the gun, previous episodes have already established that the hidden character teasers have no correlation to the ending Character stinger.
Now, the words in the Vanessa teaser image are quite interesting. It includes "Test and Rat" in the upper right corner, "Pool" in the bottom left corner, and "Bleak Reactant".
Test and Rat could be Test rat or Laboratory rat (Lab rat) as in the species of rat that are bred and kept for scientific research. Lab rat here can also be referring to Vanessa being a lab rat for the villain's experiment for something.
Using that explanation, "Pool" would then mean group or pool of people, which means number of people available for an organization or group to use. So Pool would mean that Vanessa was chosen out of all the Fazbear employees or people in general to be used for the experiment.
This leaves us with Bleak Reactant, which the definition of reactant is a substance that takes part in and experiences change during a reaction, while the definition of bleak could mean lacking vegetation (an area of land), dreary (a room), miserable(the weather), or unfavorable (outcome.)
All of this together means that Vanessa was chosen by the villains out of a group of people to be used for an experiment. An experiment of a change in Vanessa that predicted an unfavorable outcome for the villains.
Vanessa was going to be the next Vanny or maybe something else.
That gives a reason why the villains were so interested in her, why she would be shopping for a costume, why she would be at the Pizzaplex, and why she would be still connected to the villains when someone else is Vanny.
But the reason she was chosen in the first place, why her out of a group of people that might've included Gregory in it too, is because the one who chose her was her own twin sister.
If anyone remembers my only Ruin theory then you would remember my mentioning of Glitchtrap's and Vanny's conversation from Scott's website from a Security Breach poster.
Glitchtrap: "Stay the course."
Vanny: "I will."
Glitchtrap: "Focus on my voice."
Vanny: "I will."
Glitchtrap: "Don't let anyone lead you astray."
Vanny: “I won't.”
Glitchtrap: "Have you selected one?"
Vanny: "I have."
In my theory, I proposed that Gregory was the one that Vanny mentioned selecting here. But now, with all the revelations and new information gained, I believe Vanessa works better here. Vanny would've chosen someone for an experiment that she personally knew of or gotten to know, and who better than her own sibling that she grew up with.
Remember, Vanny is just starting out in her following of Glitchtrap. So would be new to the whole evil thing. And most of the time, the people close to you are the ones that would most likely commit a crime against you.
As for the twin sister thing, it actually didn't come from the "To The Rooftop" ending, but a discussion from the GTlive stream where Mat hosted a little get-together with some of the FNAF YouTuber theorists after Security Breach. There, John Fuhnaff suggested the idea for it from the VR Sisters boss from the Security Breach game Scott made when Security Breach got delayed again.
It's something that I saw some merit in after I discovered the Vanny ≠ Vanessa and after disproving in my head that Vanny wasn't Tape Girl either. The best part of the twin sister thing is that there's no need to throw out all that we know from Vanessa's therapy sessions as they both share the divorced parent's backstory.
As for which is the order twin between the two, I believe Vanessa is the oldest since it makes sense that her father would use the oldest to testify against their mother as she would better understand his instructions. Plus it provides a potential grudge from Vanny to Vanessa for what happened to their mother and a misguided parental affection for Glitchtrap. Unless Vanny's just a fangirl of William Afton, which could be the case.
Also, this means that the reason Vanessa looks the way she does in "To The Rooftop" end credits is because she looking at her dead sister. Oof, I realized that this also means she would've been the one who finds what's left of her in the "Disassemble Vanny" ending too. No wonder Faz Ent. is temporarily closed if they find that one employee is disassembled and the other one is having a mental breakdown from it in the morning.
But what about the "Redemption" ending? We know that by beating PQ3 both Glitchtrap and Vanny are defeated in it. What happens to her then? Where did she go? Hmm... I'm not sure.
What happens when someone is unmerged after being merged for a long time? Unlike Vanessa, we know that Vanny lives in the Pizzaplex. Even by Ruin and Help Wanted 2, she's still living in the building despite its condition so she probably needs time to think and process what happened to her and what's she done. Oh, and therapy. And a house.
But I think that just about wraps everything up for— Wait, HW2's Candy Cadet story! I forgot all about it! I know some people mentioned that the second story had to do with Vanessa, Gregory, and Gltichtrap. Let me skim through that real quick for clues.
Oh. Oh, that's really interesting... But it along with the Jeremy and the Memory dolls can wait until after next time. Sorry for the little to no pictures, I needed space to fit everything in one post and wanted to get everything about Double-V out of the way before I go on hiatus.
Don't worry it has nothing to do with burnout. It won't be too long either, though knowing my track record when saying that, you probably don't believe me.
Truth is, I've been severely neglecting my YouTube channel, and should really start catching up the YouTube version of my series with the online version. Plus, I've got more "Prove it!" to work on.
But most important of all, my birthday is coming up, and I don't want to work, think, or have anything to do with my FNAF stuff on that day. So! Feel free to read and become full with these last Parts until I come back with more.

My friend (and colleague) was very discreet for a long time. A few months after we met, she told me she hated men. A few months later, she started leaving Pride flag stickers, key rings, etc. on her desk, clearly to send a message to everyone. And because I'm an idiot, I concluded that she was a lesbian.
We struck up a friendship.
I was in hospital for two months and everything accelerated. She cared for me more than my best friends, more than my own family. She sacrificed every weekend to be with me. I fell in love with her, even though I thought she was a lesbian.
A few weeks after I was discharged from hospital, I finally confessed my love to her, but only half-heartedly, so as not to make her feel uncomfortable. As it turned out, she didn't seem to mind at all. I explained that I knew it wasn't appropriate, but that I couldn't help myself and that I wanted her to set limits that I wouldn't cross in order to preserve our relationship. She replied: "Not romantic, not sexual". It's impossible for me to give up this relationship. I really enjoy spending time with her, even though I have to respect her boundaries.
After a few weeks and several conversations, I ask her if she's aro. She nods. If she's ace. She nods again. Not a word. I didn't insist further because it was her privacy and I didn't want to push her.
Today we still meet regularly. Nothing has really changed except that she takes my hand at every opportunity: on public transport, in the car, in restaurants, when we're at home. She holds it for hours and caresses it relentlessly. She definitely really enjoys it. And so do I! I love these moments with her in paradise.
I may be demisexual, but I'm aloromantic to the bone and can't understand what she's up to. From the start I had the impression that she was covering her tracks, that she wanted to keep the doors to her secret garden closed, which I completely understand.
She told me she was very tactile. But I can't help daydreaming that maybe she's semi-romantic and hiding under the aro umbrella to keep me from rushing her.
You're going to say I should discuss it with her, but that would be rushing her.
I'm completely lost! Any advices?

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repro Princeton Tec Charge MPLS $40
repro Hel-Star 6 in Green and IR $20
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rubber knife/bayonet $20
repro(I think) battery pouch $20
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Evolution Gear Unity Taps Sync $40, this one is dual cranes
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repro JPC back panel FDE $30
repro S&S Navboard Fliplite with some wear $20
ranger green helmet setup TMC Super High Cut Maritime Helmet with SF Shroud, Worm Dial, TMC Agilite Helmet Bridge. $110
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armoured rail covers $10 for the lot
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Crusader G36K steel barrel $30
assorted patches $5 ea
original trigger $10
Marui G17/18C frame rail $20

I'm already pretty easily identifiable (IF YK ME IRL NO U DON'T!!!!) so this'll probably be my last post before I switch to another account, but posting this in case this helps anyone bc ik I had really low confidence going in! Keep your chin up, you never know what might happen c:
Demographics

• Gender: F
• Race/Ethnicity: East Asian
• Residence: Bay Area
• Income Bracket: too high to qual for any fin aid LMAO
• Type of School: public, competitive, ~500/class
• Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): None

Intended Major(s): Computer Science for all public schools + a few privates, interdisciplinary but focusing on CS for the rest of the privates (like Humanities & Engineering for MIT) cuz my essays all focused on intersections between CS & humanity anyways
Academics

• GPA (UW/W): 4.0
• Rank (or percentile): N/A
• # of Honors/AP/IB/Dual Enrollment/etc.: 12 tests reported (by the end of senior year), 6 taken by the start of senior year
• Senior Year Course Load: AVID tutor, Journalism, AP US Gov & AP Microeconomics (1 sem each), AP Physics C: Mech + E&M (1 sem each), AP Stats, Alg 1 TA (he was my AP CS teacher), AP Lit

Standardized Testing
List the highest scores earned and all scores that were reported.

• ACT: 35, reported everywhere
• SAT: 1550 superscore, didn't report
• AP (all 5s): Chinese, Psychology, Calc BC, Chem, Phys 1, CS A

Extracurriculars/Activities
I don't want to be too easily identifiable, so I'll leave some of these very vague or combined. Others are directly copied lmao

1. Game jam! (lead host since 11th, 501(c)(3)): Negotiated sponsorships ($100,000+ in prizes), recruited 1500+ participants & 30+ judges from 70+ countries, made websites, led team for 5 game jams
2. School's game dev club :D (pres since 11th): increased member retention, made lessons, etc.
3. Competitive programming (club (VP) & my own stuff)
4. Game developer (indie studio & my own stuff)
5. Journalism (editor-in-chief in 12th)
6. Research (Junior -> senior year summer. I barely did anything)
7. COSMOS (game dev cluster in 10th)
8. Sports med (only submitted to MIT, as my 4th activity): interned under our athletic trainer since 11th, helped act as her substitute in the beginning of 12th when we had no AT

Awards/Honors
List all awards and honors submitted on your application.

1. PVSA Gold (this was won through the game jam stuff)
2. National Scholastic Press Association 1st place (won't mention which category cuz that's too easily doxxable) <- I think this one wasn't won until after I submitted EAs
3. USACO gold
4. NSPA again! 3rd place this time
5. MVP/league award in volleyball

Letters of Recommendation
Soph. year lit teacher: 10/10, she literally gave me my Common App idea. Love her so much Soph. year physics teacher: 8.5/10, I think he's really nice but I definitely wasn't as close to him as I was my lit teacher so I'm not sure about his rec letter.
Principal (acted as my counselor LoR): 6/10, she didn't really know me well and probably wrote something generic. But she did choose me (and like 50 others) out of our class so that might mean something?
Art teacher: I'm guessing 11/10 because I got into every school his rec letter was sent to. (UCSB CCS, MIT, UPenn)
Interviews
My MIT one sucked LMAO. Interviewer was probably annoyed with me (I basically begged her to stay overtime so I could show her a puzzlehunt puzzle) and I forgot to mention an important activity.
Northwestern and Cornell were really good, both were really informal. NW, he asked me a bunch of stuff about high school (he was deciding which one to send his daughter to) and expressed admiration about some of the stuff I did/my "professionalism"(?) overall. My interview was the first one my Cornell interviewer did and he stayed WAY overtime. On Valentine's day too. Super cool guy. They were really sweet! Spoiler alert I was rejected from both lol.
Everything else was pretty average.
Essays
Common App was about empathy (I trauma dumped 4 times) & how it got me into game dev. Why us/major was about my research (it's the perfect intersection between CS & humanity; I always wrote that I loved both, even if I was applying CS), community about game development/my game jams, leadership about journalism (that one time our advisor blocked the publishing of an issue bc it depicted tampons lmao).
Added a few quirky things to some of my applications (mainly the private schools), like electing my cat for president or an attempt at an emoji or some random stuff like that.
I spent my summer writing CA & UCs, then refined them later. I put in a bunch of effort for EAs, then burned out after my REA rejection and dropped a lot of RD schools lmao :') some of my RD essays I felt like I threw but they were almost all reused.
Decisions (indicate ED/EA/REA/SCEA/RD)
Acceptances:
CS majors:

• Northeastern (RD) -- 1 semester abroad
• Georgia Tech (EA)
• UMaryland (EA)
• UMich (EA)
• UWisconsin-Madison (EA)
• Purdue (EA) -- accidentally applied CE instead of CS so I got accepted into engineering
• ASU (pretty early on)
• UC Santa Barbara College of Creative Studies
• UC Santa Cruz
• UC Davis
• UC Irvine
• UC Santa Barbara
• University of Toronto (RD)
• California State University San Francisco -- after I got rejected from Cal Poly SLO, they automatically redirected my application here

Non-CS majors (felt that interdisciplinary majors were more suited to my profile, and I'm more interested in them anyways :)):

• MIT (RD)
• UPenn (RD)
• Waterloo (RD) -- technically applied CS & Software Engineering, got the latter but not the former (was offered Math Honours instead of CS)

Waitlists:

• UC Berkeley -- applied CS so I don't think I'm getting in

No deferrals! :) (other than USC bc they don't reject EA)
Rejections:
CS majors:

• Cornell (RD)
• Stanford (REA)
• Northwestern (RD)
• Columbia (RD)
• California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo (RD)
• UC Los Angeles
• UC San Diego
• University of Washington
• UT Austin (EA)
• UIUC (EA)
• University of Southern California (EA)
• UNC Chapel Hill (EA)

Interdisciplinary majors (all "create your own" majors unless otherwise specified):

• Yale (RD) -- CS & Psychology
• CMU (RD) -- BCSA
• Duke (RD)
• Caltech (RD)

Additional Information: Had a few extra activities & links to some of my games. I also submitted a portfolio to every school that would take one.
Wanted to post just to say that college apps are hella random! Good luck to all the juniors & below :DDD you can ask me anything & I'd love to give advice (survivor bias though...) but I'll be off this account in ~a few weeks just cuz it's got so much doxxable info on it (again if yk who I am no you don't!! please 😭).
Super grateful that I was given the chance to be among such cool people at MIT, will be heading there in the fall (though I also loved GT!) <3

I recently graduated from D-CO 3-11, and wanted to give a break down.
BLUF: read the ISAP over a few times before arriving. Re-orient yourself with skill level one tasks. Ensure you can climb rope and can meet H&W standards.
Please message me directly if you have any follow on questions.
The cadre aren’t bad. They are all pretty seasoned in the nuances of this school. Most importantly - they care. Don’t be that guy who constantly tosses shade their way.
ARRIVAL: Day 0 / or your report date - you’re going to arrive, draw linen, and get your temporary room. You will most likely only be in this room for a day or 2 before you’re assigned your platoon. That’s the only thing that occurs on your initial day besides marching to Chow. So you probably should sign in as late as possible.
Day 1 - Phase up ACFT bright and early. According to the NEW ISAP - you have to PASS (minimum of 60 points in each event) to phase up. If you don’t - not sure if you’re going back to the crib or being a holdover in HHC until you can pass. I wouldn’t risk it though. You then follow this up with briefings all day (pretty much for the entire week).
Day 2 - HT & WT. We had 1 absolute fat ass get sent home. Not sure if they make exceptions for people who are close. But obviously if you can get 80 points in each ACFT event and a 540 overall- you’re g2g regardless of your tape. Followed by more briefs and paperwork.
SKIP to Day 4-ish - black to gold event. This is your phase up to earning your black ASCOT. It’s where you do this extremely lame PT event where you’re being yelled at by your cadre like it’s basic training. You scamper around the parade field and conduct some mundane exercises. It’s not hard like they talk it up to be. And you end with this 100m-ish low crawl across the parade field and get this rah rah speech by the battalion commander.
At the end of week 1 - ON THE WEEKEND - we conduct the Leader’s Reaction Course. It’s where you work together to overcome some scenario with barrels, rope, and a bunch of other stuff to get from one side to the other. Lame and underwhelming. Also - there’s water there, so try not to get wet.
During week 2, we began morning PT. It’s at 0500 every morning (after hospital corner-ing your beds). Typically it goes to about 0615, and it’s student led. We topically ran around the foot print twice a week and utilized the beaver fit twice a week. I don’t know if we ever did 5 PT sessions in an entire week.
Also during week 2 - you begin history. You’re taught by 2 professors for the first part of each day, and then you have a underwhelming class presented by the cadre for the latter portion of the day. At first - the history content seems a little overwhelming. However - just focus on the content that’s in red (REMEMBER THIS) and the practice questions he does at the end of each lesson. And you’ll be FINE. Make flash cards of the above /\ - study every day for like a hour, and you’ll ace it. Don’t do the nightly readings, you’ll waste your time.
Week 3 - we continued history classes until we took the test on Friday. He does a minimum review pre test - and then we got after it. EASY TEST IF YOU PUT IN THE WORK. REMEMBER- only focus on what’s in red, the practice problems, and understand a general synopsis of how each battle event / correlates with the prescribed term.
After week 3, we conducted our first peer eval. Who ever finishes last (out of the squad), received a spot report. 3 spot reports and you go to the whole person concept board at the end of the course. (Which can lead to recycle.)
During the weekend of week 4 - we conducted the Bolton Obstacle Course. Each company had different standards for the course, so it’s hard to say what’s pass or fail. However - I’d highly suggest you be able to climb monkey bars and climb up a rope before you arrive. All in all - easy course. We didn’t lose anyone.
Week 4 - we conducted land navigation. We arrived Monday and left Friday. However, you leave Saturday if you have to re test. It’s a field environment out there. So you are sleeping outside. (Maybe bring an after market tarp to ensure you’re absolutely rainproof if they let you). Schedule went as followed:
Day 1: cadre led Day 2: buddy teams Day 3: practice test Day 4: test Day 5: re test
You have to find 4/7 points. And if you pass the pre-test, it counts as your test. EXTREMELY easy course.. also each point has coordinates written in sharpie on it from prior OCs. And if the point has your grid on it 3+ times, it’s your point. Don’t second guess it. The course is super long though- so expect to get 10K + on your legs EACH day. Only 1 person in our class failed this.
We also received our history scores back following landnav. 52 people failed the first time and only 2 people double no go’d.
Between weeks 4-7, it’s pretty un-eventful. You do take a few tests: call for fire, tactics, EIB Tasks (I forgot the actual name for these) and the 4 mile. You also conduct your ACFT for OML (25% of your grade) and 9 mile ruck.
Call for fire and tactics have Quizlet practice exams which are pretty identical to the actual test, so I suggest to definitely study that. 4 mile is on a cinder track which is 1 mile per lap. Most importantly during these weeks you conduct your OPORD (pass/fail) and you begin rehearsing your SQD STX.
For the EIB tasks (once again, I forgot the actual name for this event), you cleadis-assemble/re-assemble/functions check a 240/249/M4. Pretty low threat. They also demonstrate how to do so beforehand and you’ll get plenty reps.
You’ll receive classes pertaining to the OPORD and Battle Drill 2A (the BD you conduct for STX), BUT I highly suggest you put in your own work in order to understand and master the two. There are great YouTube videos pertaining to the two on The University of Iowa’s ROTC page. Also, you can better learn about Squad Attack in the Ranger Handbook and ATP 3-21.8. For your OPORD, you are given a company level OPORD prior and pitch at PLT level to a single cadre. You are allowed to use your shell. However, they want to see concept sketches in conjunction with.
For SQD STX, it’s highly advised to develop TLPs and SOPs amongst your SQD in order to easily navigate through the intricacies of the lane: LDAs, “leaders recon”, FOOM, battle field handover, fire commands, actions on, BDAs, etc etc etc.
YOUR GARRISON OPORD IS DIFFERENT THAN YOUR OPORD FOR STX.
Week 7-8 is SQUAD STX - which is like 25% of your OML. It’s a total of 2 working weeks with a weekend refit back at the footprint in between. On site - when it’s your squad’s term, each member of the squad gets a look at Squad leader, A TL, and B TL. There are also like 6-8 different lanes, so there is a ton of variation in terms of movement distance, terrain, objective, MSRs, etc etc. It’s fairly straight forward though: you have 90 minutes upon reception of your FRAGO (you’ll build your initial OPORD day prior) to finalize/pitch your OPORD to your squad in conjunction to a terrain model, conduct rehearsal, begin movement, conduct leaders recon, actions on objective, and treat casualty/EPW. It’s easy - we had zero double go’s and maybe 6 re-testers all in all.
We hit the 12 mile ruck back from STX. Was tough for some people due to degraded conditions and on a hilly course.
Week 9- we received our branches. Talent based branching changed the game. We were the first class to participate in this. I would say 90% of the class received their top 3 choices. We also conducted the battle analysis this week - but rumor is their changing the format to a memorandum? Prior, we wrote a 500 word essay (in the army writing style) on a battle pertaining to a tactical topic. I think we had nearly 50 first time failures.
Week 10 - We took our tests on Training Management and Justice/Leadership. Both of these tests were fairly tough, but manageable. Ensure you pay attention to the slide decks and quiz lets.
Week 11 - We went on the staff ride.
Week 12 - We processed out mainly. We also had our formal (spouses can come) and had our family day the day before graduation. Graduation is on a Friday.
Please message directly if you have any questions. Extremely easy course! Just put effort in and you’ll pass in flying colors. In service people - be patient and just develop Stockholm syndrome. O9S - just be number and go with the flow.
Also- idc about grammatical errors in this, so don’t come at me.

"Damn it!" Subaltern Gallos cursed. "Remind me to shoot that signals tech when we get back. Four lights my ass - that DropShip was carrying an Awesome and a Catapult!" He spoke into the TDF's general channel, alerting his lance mates to the situation they found themselves in. His Wolverine 6K was commanding the TDF force protecting this planet - a light weight lance consisting of a Phoenix Hawk that was currently down for repairs, a Wasp 5D, and a Grasshopper 5H. The three units up and running were alerted by the space port control tower that an unknown DropShip had appeared in scope, and was burning hard for the river deltas with an estimated 145 tons of BattleMech. The intelligence indicated an unknown Mercenary force consisting mostly of lights on a raid of the chemical plants.
That was not the case.
Gallos scanned the broken terrain he was quickly racing towards. Ahead of them, the 80 ton Awesome was cresting a large hill, dominating the landscape, and his battle computer indicated that a Catapult was off to the west of the Awesome. They seemed to be maneuvering to cover each other. He opened a general channel, "Unknown Awesome, you are intruding on the Taurian Concordat. Identify yourself and power down your BattleMech."
"You realize that won't work right?" Amanda drawled over the line, as she wove her Wasp deftly through the trees and foliage. The lonely static on the general line proved her right. Gallos decided not to respond to her inquiry. She was not expecting a reply.
"We've got this!" Thomas was a gun ho MechWarrior, and his Grasshopper had been his father's, and before that his grandmothers. Legend had it she had taken it from a pirate after pinning his hand to a wall with a machete and convincing him that his other hand was worth the activation passcodes. Thomas could be equally convincing when needed.
Both seemed eager, so Gallos raised his Mech's hand to signal engagement. This was met with the Awesome firing at extreme range to boil armor off his left leg. Gallos stumbled forward while he and Thomas responded with their large lasers. "Amanda, go around get in his rear!"
"On it boss!" Amanda sounded almost cheerful, as her Wasp leapt over the rough terrain, it's powerful Jump Jets letting it easily cross everything.
"Okay, we're going to force our way forward, keeping the Catapult on the other side of these hills."
"Sounds good!" Thomas advanced forward, his missiles following his laser. They were landing occasional hits on the Awesome.
The return fire was devastating, stripping armor off of the Grasshopper followed by LRMs from the Catapult. "Oh crap! I'm losing armor quick!" Thomas called out.
Gallos made a decision. The Catapult had to go down. "Break away Thomas! Fall back and circle around. Amanda, back him up!"
Both machines turned on a dime and shot off to north west. The Awesome was struggling to advance forward over the rough terrain, and Gallos bee lined around a large hill. His plan was to keep the Awesome interested and aware he was a threat. Thanks to the long range of the engagement, his heat was beyond manageable. Clouds of steam rising over the hills indicated the Awesome was also dealing with it's own heat. Gallos observed his two MechWarriors engage with the Catapult.
Amanda was leaping from cover to cover, expertly dancing her away over the terrain firing occasionally with her medium laser. Landing on a hill, she turned to fire her laser at the Catapult as it struggled through the water, and it fired all four of his back, as well as three PPC shots from the Awesome. Twisting and leaning to the side, Gallos knew that she grinned as every shot missed her and their attention caused them to ignore the Grasshopper. The two of them managed to get the Catapult out of the water, and their firing and maneuvering caused him to ignore the rough terrain and trip.
Gallos knew that the Catapult would be finished so he moved forward to engage the Awesome, who had anticipated this and had turned to face him. Swearing quietly he lifted his laser and fired, followed by medium lasers and SRMs - to be met with a brutal two PPCs. Pounded back on his heel, he lost his balance and fell, stripping armor from his left arm and smashing his head into the neurohelmet.
A few seconds later, as he struggled to fall back through the forest, PPC shots tearing up the terrain around him, the blasts stopped and the general channel opened up, "Subaltern Gallos, we are offering to end hostilities and withdraw if you wish." An unknown and gravely voice asked. They did not identify themselves, and Gallos struggled to identify the accent. He checked his computer, and saw that the Catapult had been savaged - the left arm completely destroyed, and the LRM with it. No BattleMech was worth missile propellant.
Gallos spit the blood out of his mouth and opened the channel. "Granted. Withdraw. And don't come back."
The Awesome said nothing. It just turned and marched away, the Catapult limping behind it, left torso a gaping wound from Amanda's surgical precision with her lasers. He switched back to the TDF channel, "Alright, let's get home."
***
This was a fun game, but it wasn't Alpha Strike! No one played it who showed up! So what I was hoping was going to be an Alpha Strike game was a regular CBT game! My opponent was new, but had two helpers. He had an Awesome (3/5) and a Catapult (4/5). I had all 4/5 pilots in a Wasp (medium laser, two small lasers, 1 flamer variant), a Wolverine 6k (Large laser, no jumps), and a stock Grasshopper.
This was a rough fight. That Awesome had range and accuracy, even when calling indirect attacks for the Catapult. My armor was being stripped away for most of the game, which was about eight turns.
He was absolutely afraid of my Wasp getting behind him, however, and that ended up giving me an advantage. He kept his Awesome back and moved his Catapult forward by turn 4. That allowed me to maneuver my Wasp across the board with the Grasshopper (now missing a huge amount of armor) and beat down his Catapult. I couldn't hit the broadside of a barn with my Grasshopper, but I was able to land some powerful hits with my Wasp, stripping away rear armor, taking out their LRM, and a Jump Jet.
To do that I had to push my Wolverine into a man-to-man knife fight with the Awesome, which was brutal on the Wolverine. I lost a ton of armor, but no crits, fell down, and managed to take a pilot hit. Thankfully I was able to stumble back into shelter.
Out of time, and with his Catapult facing certain destruction, he requested a retreat which the Taurians were willing to grant.
This battle came down to two factors: 1) initiative. I won more than I lost, allowing me to better control the terrain; 2) Maneuvering. This was a terrible map for both of us, but my two jumpers gave me an advantage here. I could respond to their movement, and choose my terrain. I lost initiative four turns in a row and had to retreat backwards for a while, but that actually worked in my favor as he moved his Catapult into a bad position - expecting to win initiative again. I knew where he was going to go, moved appropriately and was able to savage his catapult.
Amazing game. All introtech. CBT is so much fun even at the introtech level.

I see a lot of posts where people assume failure if they only make it to their state school. This is simply not reality.

• Most people go to state school. There are exponentially more people graduating from state schools than from the T20 - just look at the small class sizes for most of them. These will be the vast majority of people you end up working with.
  
• Most people cannot afford the T20. Unless you are rich or poor, these simply aren't an option for most people.
  
• Undergraduate doesn't have to be your last degree. You can be a prestige whore for grad school, where you'll only need to pay for 1 or 2 years of outrageous tuition.
  
• Graduate schools don't care that you went to state school. They only care how you performed. It can be a lot easier to stand out at State U then at HYPSM. This means good recommendation letters from professors, along with better grades with (generally) less effort.
  

I will give you a few success stories, of course anecdotal yet clearly not out of the ordinary.
First is my brother, who started as an honor roll student at a Big 10 university (not Michigan or Northwestern). By his junior year he was failing out and withdrew. After working for a couple years in telecommunications, he was laid off. He enrolled at Excelsior in New York (remote) and took exams to knock out credits to complete his undergrad in general studies or some other worthless major.
He used Petersons.com to find graduate programs at top universities with high acceptance rates. A couple examples would be Yale forestry (back then ~70%) or Harvard MPA (generally ~50%). While he was rejected from most programs, he received an offer from Rice University and eventually completed his Masters from there. He now makes $250k/year in Houston.
Second is my friend's son who recently attended Texas A&M. He majored in logistics through the business school and graduated with a 4.0. This sounds impossible, but there are two key points here. 1- Texas A&M doesn't have +/- grades, so a 90 is an A, and 2- his major was in the business school. Before graduating he applied for the MIT scholarship MIT Supply Chain Excellence Awards - SCM. He was one of 5 from Texas A&M that year to win the scholarship award, and will be attending MIT for graduate school next year.
Third is myself, who started at a Big 10 university with a 3.0 by the end of Freshman year. By junior year I had lost a lot of money on the stock market and had to work full time. After a two year break from school I went to community college at night before enrolling at the same Big 10 uni. I worked my tail off and ended up with a 3.9 in my last 60 semester hours. After a couple years of (voluntary) unemployment I somehow got a job at an investment bank, doing trade related support. I got them to pay for Stanford graduate classes through the SCPD (Stanford center for professional development). After 6 classes and a 4.0, I stopped due to my company not being a member company with Stanford. I enrolled in a third rate MBA and quickly finished the degree.
Years later, after the pandemic, I finally got around to applying to graduate programs. I was accepted to Berkeley (MIDS/data science), Penn (MCIT), and NYU (Tandon/Cybersecurity). The combination of my last 60 hours grades and the 4.0 in graduate school seemed to make a big difference. I never thought I could get accepted into schools like this with my crappy first few years GPA, but it's how you finish, not how you start.
TLDR: don't worry if you didn't make it in to a T20. Just do the best you can at your state school. If you get excellent grades, even if not until your last 2 years, you can still make it into a top graduate school!

I'm new to reddit and english is not my first nor my second language so please excuse me if i make mistakes.
I've enjoyed listenning to reddit stories on those YouTube video's for a while now and was always amazed by the amount of input the community always gives. Now with my situation and not really knowing what else to do to cope I thought I'll give it a try.
So here is my story. I 30F met my girlfriend 27F in augustus of last year on a dating app. I remember finding her absolutly beautiful. We started taking and very soon we were calling each other everyday for hours . I communicated that I wasn't looking for a relationship as i was starting a bachelor degree combined with full time work. I was happy just being friends as I enjoyed her vibe. We were both talking to other people and she would confide in me how the others were. We met up at my place the first time as I felt like I already knew her from so much talking. She got drunk. Looking back she definetly tried to initiate something but I was carefull and she was minutes later throwing up in my toilet so i put her to sleep.
The following days she opened up about her past trauma's. She was adopted in a white family, she was born in Asia, as a baby. But she never really gotten the proper guidance to deal with it. Besides her brothers were way older so she didn't have a real connection with them. She was also SA'd by one of the brothers and the family wasn't dealing with it. Like not adressing it, giving her proper therapy and so on. Beside that there were some other problems in the familly that eventually when we got together and she introduced me to the familly, one of them asked me what i was studying. I study something that translates like familly sciences. When i told that brother he joked that his familly would be a good case for my studies.
Basically to state that she has a difficult past and she was upfront with it. I have also my trauma's like SA from family members, not feeling connected to the country we live in or my birth country. I wasn't adopted but I immigrated to here when I was 10. I've been abused in every way by my family. That plus the distance makes that I'm astranged from them in a country where I also expirienced rasism, always the outsider. So basically when i heard all that I felt like we could relate on that and was hoping we could be there for each other. Either way I never hinted towards a relationship. I just wanted to be there for her. I have had been in therapy since i was 21 years and was finishing it. I was finally in a good place.
We met up a few more times. One of the times was to help her clean her appartement. She was moving back to her father as she had had a deppressive episode and neglected the place and payments and was in debt. She didn't know who to ask from her friends. I offered. I came took over, cleaned the place. In the evening she even left me alone to finish up as she had a familydate she couldn't mis. I honestly didn't mind i finished up. she went to her familly and later she came back. We went out and when we came back in the early morning I just fell a sleep. Later once we were together she told me she wanted to thank me with sex. She did introduce me to a friend that did tell me that everyone dumps her in every relationship. He thought that i was her date and i didn't want to emberass her so I didn't ask much more questions and decided to ask her instead at an orher time. But this is one of the reddlags i missed.
After that we met up one more time to go out. She knew that in the morning I would go see that other girl i was talking to. I hadn't met that one in real life but had also a good connection with her. But that evening she confessed having feelings for me. I couldn't denie that i was attracted by her and wanted to give her all the love we both never expirienced. We kissed and ended up at my place in the morning. I just cancelled on the other girl.
The first months were good. I noticed that she was imature on some levels but could explain it due to her past, the lack of therapy, and her overbearing father that doesn't let her grow up.
She introduced me to all her friends and they all liked me. They explain that she has a past of dating people who aren't good for her. They all approved of me and I liked them too. I didn't have a lot of friends. I had learned to prefer my own company over friends after being burned a few times and deciding not to befriend just anyone for my own mental health. I was rather alone after all the betrayal i've been throught. people are just unpredictable and when i care I go fully. So to protect myself and because all the friendships before therapy were somewhat toxic I just prefered to stay alone. I did miss belonging to a group tho so I was exatatic to gain a girlfriend I felt could understand me to a deeper level and a friendgroup welcoming me and simular to me. She seemed to intagrate me in the group well and they were really nice. I felt i was finally having that chosen familly a lot of people who go no contact with their familly talk about. I was taking drugs so i can study, work and manage this new relationship and friendship circle. I was determinated to make it work.
The first issue i noticed was that we would be videocalling and she wouldn't pay attention. She would be texting her friends and checking Insta or Facebook while she expected me to stay connected till she fell a sleep. She would even call me when she would wake up in the middle of the night. I did night shifts so i didn't mind about her wanting me around to sleep. I did complain about the lack of attention when she was still awake. She didn't adjust her behaviour just yet. I had to complain and make a big deal out of it before she did some efforts. Just the bare minimum.
But i knew she needed therapy and thought to understand where this behaviour was coming from. I just encouraged her that she can talk to me to about eveyrthing. But mostly I stayed patient, thinking she hadn't been in a healthy relationship. I believed with time, working on communication and showing her she coyld trust me, that all would be fine
There were some other issues i ignored as redflags about this relationship and still wanted to live together with her. I first proposed in moving in my appartement with no strings attached. If it didn't work out she just could go back to her dad and I am okay too. None of us looses anything. But she was nit sure how her father who hadn't met me yet wpuld react. He is a more sober person and has disapproved all her partners before.
So eventually she found the balls to tell me that she wasn't in that idea. She wanted her father to approve abd so on. She had lived before with a partner her father didn't approve of cuz they both felt she was taking advantage of my girlfriend to get her papers. By the way they are still friends and i like the ex too. She doesn't seem capable of manipulate someone to get het papers. But that is an other story.
After I met her father she was okay in moving in together in the kapital, a fresh start for me and her too. I was excited to start forever happlly after. I had never loved someone like I've loved her. She was so vulnerable from the start that i just wanted to care for her. Lika stated before i wanted to give her the love we both missed.
We moved end mei in our appartement. I was stressing as i had to find something on time so that i don't end up homeless. I needed to find a new job and so on. I was also the one who made all the appointments and took on the stress to find us something. All she had to do is like the place. I did everthing
We moved in in the last weekend of april. On the 18th of mai was pride in our city. I had to work even tho i wanted to go. She was stating to stay home as we gad spend a lot of money to move. We were almost broke both of us. i could see she wanted to go as all her friends wefe going and texting her. She does have been irresponsible when goung out, too much drinking, losing her stuff and iver spending. So i proposed guidelines to follow so she could go hve a good time abd not stay alone at home and still not regret the fay after. We agreed thay she would take her old phone just in case, eat enough as she would be drinking and retrieve the money she wasn't supposed to excied in cash. That way she can't spend more than her budget.
She who is always texting me didn't say a word. When i did call to check up on her she just passed me a friend to talk to them. I was pissed but happy she was unharmed in our appartement. In the morning i came home. M9st of the people were still sleeping and she was acting annoyingly wierd. I couldn't make a scene as her friends were there. I just entertained them and went to sleep. I was mad. Next day she tried to make up and after some talk Mostly explaining why I wad mad. She had done nothing of the steps we had taken for her to go out safly. But when i calmed down anyway she dropped the nom that she also kissed someone there. One of the people she was talking to around the time we met. Someone she eventually deemed not a match.
I was broken by that. I just couldn't believe it. Okay our sex and love life had been less since the stress of the move, finding a new job in a new city, exams and a tighy wallet. but i thought she understood as i voiced my stress.
I was miserabel when she told me just broken, not eating physically ill and all my issues re-triggered. I felt so stupid and trapped as we had just signed for 3 years in a 1 bed appartement. I just slipped back in depression while she seemed remorsefull as if she made a mistake trying to care for me and fix things. One week later i was still not okay completely broken by the betrayal still the the huge mistake i made to cosign for 3 years with no other options to move out or kick her out. She touched me at some point and I felt better with her in my arms. I decided to give her an other chance even tho. It was discussed that cheating the only non negotiable action to break us up.
Well same week, few dats later she told me a friend of her cuz she is friends with a lot of people she flirted or hooked up with, well that they confessed their feelings towards her. I had met this person so and she had explained me not wanting to persui my girlfriend in the past. Now that are just friends. I was okay with that. Iwas glad she told me and we composed a message together for that girl stating that she had told me, that I' not mad but she will stay true to me.
Now thursday she kept talking about said friend and the things my girlfriend was saying weren't adding up. It didn't seem like something said friend would say or do withouy context so when she got home I asked her to read the lessages with said friend to try to understand. When j read the messages i was floored. Most of them were deleted and it was ly girlfriend always asking about the feelings that friend would have for my girlfriend. The reason said friend was freaking out is thay my girlfriend told her I took her phone and texted the girl. She was shocked understandubly. My gf was creating drama and i still haven't understood why. Like if she wanted to actually cheat why make me aware?
Its been 4 dats now and I just don't know how to advance from this. I'm still very aware of her past and the lack of therapy. I still care for her in a sence but I'l so hurt and I feel so stupid. She now is again remorsefull and relize now I'm the furst one to show her true love. I've broken up with her as i just need to respect myself but i still have a soft spot for her besides everything. She now wants to fix everything, she'll go in therapy and so on. I sometimes find myself being the one to confort her even after it all. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. I want to keep it healing for her, u want to protect myself and love her again at the same time.
This is just a little of the quesionable behaviour she had done, basically the most recent one. I'm just too hurt and blindsided to deal this on my own but i finished therapy like 6 months ago. I can't go back to my therapist. I plan on looking for a new one in the new city but i need advice and guidance since we live together. How should i handle this?

From FL and we signed a lease and even verbally asked if there was an HOA and was told there was not and lo and behold a month or so later we received a letter from the HOA saying our lawn needed to be maintained. So it is in our lease that we are supposed to maintain it but when we moved in the shrubbery was overgrown there were thick vines and grass had not been cut in a while and were told it would be taken care of before move in and was not. I was sort of waiting for them to get it done as I addressed it to the rental manager but it didn't he simply glossed over it. Anyways, can we get out of our lease? We do not want to live under HOA rules. Can we get all of our money back including deposit in court? To add we found the HOA website and states you must be approved to move in prior to moving in. When I asked the rental manager if there was an HOA he didn't respond in text so I called him and he said he wasn't sure and had to ask the owner but the city does have HOA's lol

On Tuesday (6/4) my dad (84m) had a quadruple bypass with cow valve graphs.
The bypass itself was a success, however we have been experiencing some set backs in recovery that I thought I would share here.
On Thursday (6/6) my dad's heart stopped. He was fully conscious when it happened, and in fact only lost consciousness when his ICU nurse gave him drugs to knock him out and hopefully prevent him from remembering any of this. For fifteen minutes they would shock his heart, only for it to drop again. Over and over. After 15 min. his heartbeat was stabilized and they took him to be examined, as the original thought was this could have been caused by either the cow valves or his new arteries not taking properly. A bad stitch was also proposed to us as a possible cause. None of those things were found, the surgery itself was a success.
Last night (6/9) at 2:00 am my dad's heart stopped again. This time it took 12 minutes for him to be stabilized. Like the first time, he had come out of the sedation just the day before. He was fully conscious again as it happened, so the same nurse gave him drugs to knock him out, and wow but I am hoping he really won't remember either of these incidents.
Based on the second incident they are now saying it was probably down to an electrical misfire in his heart, and the EP (electrophysiologic) Cardiology team will be seeing him tomorrow to both figure out the exact cause and determine best next steps. As of now the options on the table as we know them are further studies and/or numbing a faulty nerve and/or putting in a pacemaker and/or putting in a AICD device (implanted defibrillator).
I am sharing this to get it off my chest and make it all feel that much less scary, but also to highlight how incredible a good and responsive cardiac ICU team can be. I feel so lucky my parents live in a state that has legislation mandating that ICU nursing teams can never have more than 2 patients at a time so each patient gets the care and attention they need. Further, I want to emphasize that when the surgical team says the first 48 hours after surgery are critical, they really mean it.
My mother and I are currently really hopeful that the EP along with the entire Cardiology team will be able to figure out what is going wrong with my dad's electrical impulses and fix it. All of that said, it is really hard to see him in the ICU day after day, especially since with the exception of Wednesday and late in the day yesterday he has been sedated and unconscious since the surgery. The toll this recovery is taking on my mother and I emotionally is far larger then I had expected it to before his surgery.
We are currently camped out in a hotel room near the hospital and talk of little else together. If you are prepping to go through this, I would really rec looking up the nearby hotels and having a handle on the different rates and amenities they offer before you are in a distressed state. We overpaid for the hotel we are currently at because we waited until after his first heart stoppage to book it, and at that time neither of us had the energy to properly find a good rate.
Edited to add: I would also rec setting up text trees. For each friend group etc, pick one person to text so you don't have to message everyone yourself endlessly. Rehashing everything again and again with worried and anxious friends and family is exhausting in its own right, and simply having a few solid people you can talk to who will tell everyone else helps. An added benefit is they can filter out everyone else's anxieties so you don't wind up with everyone's wild guessing worst case scenarios echoing through your head.

Back when I started using Trusted Housesitters in 2018 it was super cool. Laidback budget travelers who actually liked pets, were friendly, happy with the exchange, who had reasonable expectations. That is no longer the case. I loved this platform. Recommended it to everyone I knew with pets.
I have a property that I Airbnb (a few hundred miles away completely unrelated to the house I list on the site), and the expectations of my PAYING guests are far more reasonable than the expectations of the current THS community. I ask people to do about 20 minutes of pet care a day to stay in my centrally located house in Los Angeles.
I was just given a three star review by someone who destroyed my expensive down pillows by inexplicably WASHING THEM and not drying them thoroughly (even though they clearly state that they are dry clean only), with zero communication with me about the issue. This person also left open bleach on a low counter easily accessible to my three year old. I agonized over it and finally left them a 4 star review because ultimately, my dog's basic needs were met, which is really all I ask for (though one did seem freaked out when I got back). I just mentioned that the guest ruined my pillows and it could have been avoided if she had communicated better.
So I leave this review only to find out that she left me THREE stars. Why? Because she thought I hadn't changed the linens for her! She said in her review that it looked like we had just gotten out of bed and left. Which I'm sure it did. As I explained to her in the video I sent before her arrival our small elderly dogs sleep in the bed they burrow under the covers and, in the process, unmake the bed. I even told her in our departure text that I had put our clean linens in the dryer and that if she wanted to use it she didn't need to worry about folding them or putting them away, she could just put them in the laundry basket (which she did). She said she had to sweep, mop, and dust even though I did all of those things the night before her arrival. She also complained at length about our showers being too small for her. They are small. They're original 1920's showers, but my 6"11 husband uses them daily. She said that the fact that we have some broken floor tiles in our bathroom is "trashy". We're waiting for custom replicas of the 100 year old tiles to be made, so yeah, Some are missing, but since when is it a place to criticize a home owner's TILE?
This person even criticized my dog for heaven's sake! She said my dog has "pustules" and needs to be seen by a vet. She's a xolo. A hairless breed. It's not uncommon for them to have a little acne. She didn't even bother learning my dogs names referring to them as "the black one" and the "skittish one".
I'm just so fedup. Which is probably fine because after her ridiculous review I doubt anyone will apply to my sits anyway.