Shortly after Final Fantasy VII hit the gaming world in 1997, Cloud Strife’s howls of grief at the loss of his beloved companion Aerith Gainsborough were echoed by droves and droves of fans. These echoes gathered in swarms, reaching the developers in the form of petition signatures, each begging the makers of the game to allow Aerith’s resurrection. Though these prayers remained unanswered —until now—, there soon came more protests: this time, fans pleaded with the developers to consider making a remake of the original game. Both of these wishes were met with considerable derision, with large chunks of the fandom calling the requests delusional— which is why the Final Fantasy world had to prepare for another meteoric hit when the Remake project was finally announced in 2015. With Kitase, Nomura, Toriyama, Nojima, Uematsu and more of the original developers at the helm, along with longtime FFVII fan-turned-developer Hamaguchi, the Remake trilogy was met with great expectations. These were nevertheless surpassed, though one aspect of the trilogy’s first entry seemed to thoroughly puzzle some and enrage others. Far and wide, the resounding questions were “What are these Whisper things?”, “Why is Cloud having visions unrelated to Nibelheim and Zack?” and “Why and how in the hell did Zack survive?”
Friends, I believe the answer lies within this post. Welcome to my literary-analysis-based theory on the Remake trilogy’s most important and most secret plot point: Cloud’s hidden mission. I want to make this fun and suspenseful to read, so I will write my analyses in the same order and manner in which I encountered them while putting my theory together. You will be reading what initially sparked my curiosity, the path I took while researching for answers, the conclusions I made every step of the way, and only then will you read my theory, after which we’ll try and apply it to the Remake trilogy so far and see if it fits! I want you to experience the rollercoaster that I did when digging through SE content to bring you this post. Thank you so much for waiting for and anticipating this analysis, and I do hope you read every word to soak in every last bit of Clerith you can get. I also hope it’s really fun and touching for you (I cried at least once making this)! Let’s embark on our adventure through the compilation, other FF games and real-life events to find out what the Remake project is truly all about and anticipate the events of part 3.
N.B.: Please be aware that I have never seen this theory navigate online, so I have no idea if anyone has ever come up with a similar hypothesis. The big reveal I’m building toward might be something you’re already aware of or suspected. In that case, I hope this post doesn’t disappoint you if you’re one of the lovely people who requested it! At the very least, it will provide you with valuable literary and musical analysis, a ton of evidence you haven’t considered yet, and hopefully, entertainment too!
WARNING: Please be careful with the censored spoiler text, because I'll be referencing other FF games in this analysis and I don't want to ruin anything for you! Obviously, this analysis contains spoilers for the entirety of the FFVII compilation. Additionally, if you're not a fan of Clerith and you've stumbled upon this post, please stop here. I would hate it if something I worked on and posted made you angry, so please don't read this analysis. I have only good intentions and I just want everyone to enjoy the FFVII world as much as they can.

I. Groundwork: The Remake Timelines Theory

Before I take you on this ride, we must lay down the framework of the Remake Timelines Theory. In this section, we’ll be reviewing the general consensus of theorizers within the fandom on timeline/multiverse shenanigans, with some added specifications on my part. Please keep in mind that because the timeline mechanics are kept quite vague by the devs, there might be certain inaccuracies in my iteration of the timelines theory. Thankfully, these potential variances won’t have any effect on the legitimacy of the theory I’ll be presenting to you in this analysis.
I. a) Sephiroth’s Plan
The premise of the Remake trilogy is widely thought to be the result of post-OG Sephiroth attempting to succeed where he failed in OG. There are six key points we need to keep in mind to understand how this was possible.
I. a) i. Sephiroth in the Lifestream
Firstly, it’s important to remember that Sephiroth is dead and located in the Lifestream before OG even begins, and remains that way for almost all of OG's duration. He is only able to operate in the world of the living via his/Jenova's control over the living Sephiroth clones. In the OG timeline then, Sephiroth is sent to the Lifestream by Cloud twice: once before the game takes place on the night of the Nibelheim incident (pre-OG), and a second time during the final battle against Sephiroth (disk 3, chapter 3). During the long period between the Nibelheim incident and Sephiroth’s rebirth at the Northern Crater (disk 2, chapter 2), he exists in the Lifestream. After his ultimate defeat (post-OG), he returns there for good.
II. a) ii. Sephiroth Unintegrated
Secondly, because he is full of hatred and unyielding determination, Sephiroth’s spirit cannot become one with the planet. After both occasions where Cloud kills him in OG, Sephiroth retains his individual will and the memories of his lifetime, remaining a separate entity in the Lifestream. He says so himself in Nojima’s Advent Children prequel novel On a Way to a Smile:

“[Sephiroth] could sense the Lifestream trying to erode his spirit— the memories of his former experiences, thoughts and emotions. If he allowed himself to be taken into the current, the being he once was would soon disseminate and disappear amongst the spirit energy cycling around the planet. [He] thought this unacceptable. The planet was to be his to rule, and to become a part of that system would be nothing short of defeat” ("Lifestream Black 1").

Combined with Bugenhagen’s basic lesson on planetology (FFVII OG, disk 1, chapter 19), this excerpt provides interesting information on how the Lifestream normally works. Usually, when a life returns to the planet, its individuality (personality, will, consciousness, memories, etc.) is stripped away. The trappings of a soul’s former lifetime are progressively dissolved so that all that is left is the spirit itself, ready to integrate into the Lifestream. This way, soul energy can be “recycled” by the planet to animate new lifeforms in a sort of reincarnation process. The erasure of one’s memories in the Lifestream is necessary for the creation of a brand new life, poised to make its own memories: the slate must be wiped clean, so to speak. Sephiroth’s sheer hatred for and desire to dominate the planet is enough to keep him from undergoing this process.
It is also thought that Sephiroth cannot be integrated into the Lifestream because he was conceived with the use of Jenova cells in vitro. Given that so much of his consciousness and genetic makeup originate from an alien life force, it is impossible for him to become one with the planet.
Regardless of the reason, it is precisely this persisting individuality in death that allows Sephiroth to meddle in the world of the living during the post-OG events of Advent Children, as explained to us by post-OG Aerith in On a Way to a Smile:

“[Aerith] had sensed a different presence within the Lifestream cycling around the planet. It was the vehemence of a strong will, one that would never join with the planet. She knew this consciousness. It was [Sephiroth]. A merciless spirit hidden behind a beauteous wall. That spirit was now operating from within the Lifestream. [She] sensed that he was planning to exert his influence to the surface of the planet“ ("Lifestream White 1").

I. a) iii. The Lifestream Beyond Time
Our third point is that the Lifestream has existed for as long as the planet, and has therefore touched every part of its history— including, of course, the events of OG. On that account, one could think of the Lifestream as atemporal. Considering this, it is possible for a spirit in the Lifestream to communicate with or even travel to the past, provided the necessary circumstances and/or abilities. For instance, the Aerith that appears in Cloud’s resolution scene in Remake (chapter 14) is commonly considered to be a post-OG Aerith, appearing to him from the future to try and dissuade him from falling for her. This time-defying event is made possible by the fact that post-OG Aerith’s spirit has access to the atemporal Lifestream because she's deceased. In my view, this explains why she dissolves into green light (Lifestream visual cue) at the end of the resolution scene (5:19-5:45). This is not time travel per se, but it is a manner of communication unobstructed by the one-directionality of a linear timeline that only spirits can perform.
I. a) iv. Sephiroth Beyond Time
What we’ve covered so far amounts to our fourth point. Please familiarize yourself with the graph below before you continue reading. Refer back to the graph when you encounter text in bold.
The Remake Timelines Theory: FFVII OG Timeline
As we discussed in section “I. a) i.”, Sephiroth is dead and located in the Lifestream for the duration of the green arrow and beyond point D: in the context of the OG timeline, he can only ever be considered “alive” during the period highlighted in purple. In section “I. a) ii.”, we asserted that Sephiroth retained his individual will in the Lifestream, enabling him to exert his influence on the world of the living by manipulating his clones on the surface. In section “I. a) iii.”, we covered the atemporal nature of the Lifestream, which allows post-OG Aerith’s spirit to communicate with her past, living self thanks to her Cetra abilities. Now, I will explain to you how Sephiroth was able to do virtually the same thing, albeit his lack of Cetra blood.
To the characters of the story and a fully immersed first-time player of OG, the timeline above was not always an established series of events: when they first started playing FFVII OG, the player began at point B, with nothing existing beyond it. It is only as the player moved Cloud forward that the black, arrowed timeline was drawn, accumulating lived events (or points) in Cloud’s wake. The picture you see above is only available to Cloud and to the player with hindsight. All this to state the obvious: at point B, Cloud could not know what would occur, say, at point C.
During the period highlighted in purple, Sephiroth was “alive” again, accumulating new memories on the surface of the planet and adding them to his consciousness. When he entered the Lifestream for the second time at point D, he brought these memories with him. Simply put, after returning to the Lifestream at point D, Sephiroth remembers what happened during the period highlighted in purple. However, given that the Lifestream exists beyond time, upon Sephiroth’s consciousness’ return to the Lifestream at point D, his newly acquired memories were also made available to him at all points on the green, double-arrowed line— including point A, before the OG timeline even begins at point B. So while it is true that Cloud cannot know what will occur at point C if he is only at point B, Sephiroth indeed knows what will occur during the period highlighted in purple when he is only at point A. While a living, pre-OG Aerith would be able to receive post-OG Aerith’s spirit’s knowledge through the Lifestream thanks to her Cetra powers, Sephiroth has no need for this ability. The fact that he resides in the Lifestream for practically the entire FFVII OG timeline renders the limitations of time irrelevant: as far as the FFVII OG timeline is concerned, Sephiroth exists beyond time itself.
In summary, after point D was first encountered in OG, pre-OG Sephiroth (in the Lifestream) is made aware of his eventual defeat, and begins plotting an alternate path to victory. This time, with the benefit of hindsight, he will do things differently: we experience his "second” attempt at FFVII as the Remake trilogy.
I. a) v. Sephiroth Against Fate
Of course, the Whispers stand squarely in Sephiroth’s way. This leads us to our fifth point, which Remake Ultimania describes better than I ever could:

“According to Red XIII, who gained knowledge through his contact with Aerith, ‘The Whispers are drawn to those who attempt to alter destiny’s course and ensure they do not’ […]. It would appear that what the Whispers deem to be ‘fate’ is the original story of Final Fantasy VII” (section 08 “Secrets”, “Newly Arisen Mysteries”, “What Is the Goal of the Elusive Whispers?”, page 733).

OG’s plot line is the fated timeline, and the Whispers are tasked with its preservation. They prevent alternative paths from even beginning to branch out from the OG timeline, which poses a problem for Sephiroth: he cannot win FFVII if his destiny is to lose it.
I. a) vi. Sephiroth and the Multiverse
Consequently, our sixth point is that Sephiroth must dismantle the mechanisms of fate before he can even try to accomplish his dreams of godhood.
As Sephiroth explains in chapter 14 of Rebirth, “the planet encompasses [an ever unfolding] multitude of worlds”, and these “[new worlds are born] when the boundaries of fate are breached.” Since the Whispers uphold the “boundaries of fate”, a world in which Sephiroth’s evil plans succeed can only emerge after the Whispers have been defeated. Otherwise, destiny will continue to protect the OG plot line by preventing any significant deviations. Consequently, before the party vanquishes fate, the Remake timeline and the OG timeline are one and the same: before chapter 18, Remake Barret is OG Barret, Remake Tifa is OG Tifa, Remake Hojo is OG Hojo, etc. After the defeat of Destiny, the OG timeline is no longer protected by fate: there are now an infinite number of timelines or worlds, including those we see glimpses of in Rebirth: Remake Barret is no longer necessarily OG Barret, Remake Tifa is no longer necessarily OG Tifa, Remake Hojo is no longer necessarily OG Hojo, etc. Perhaps this is why Aerith gives the party the following warning at destiny’s crossroads in Remake:

“[This] is the wall of destiny. If we go through it… if we go beyond it… then all of us will change, too” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “Destiny’s Crossroads”).

I. a) vii. Sephiroth’s Plan
Now that these six points have been elucidated, we can compose a solid hypothesis on how Sephiroth plots to win FFVII.
After gaining knowledge of his eventual demise (disk 3, chapter 3), pre-OG Sephiroth began thinking of what he must do in Remake from the Lifestream. First, Sephiroth must antagonize the Whispers in the initial stages of the OG timeline. He accomplishes this by commanding his clones to commit acts that drastically violate the fated timeline, engendering plot-line deviations that the Whispers must course-correct. The most extreme example transpires in Remake’s chapter 17 when the Sephiroth clone in President Shinra’s office kills Barret, forcing the Whispers to restore the fated plot line by coming forth and reviving him. The Whispers react to Sephiroth’s prodding by rushing in to protect fate, their efforts culminating in the protective wall of destiny that surrounds Midgar in chapter 18.
Secondly, after he’s created an opportunity for a battle against the Whispers, Sephiroth must convince the party to seize it and beat fate for him. After all, a mere Sephiroth clone is probably no match for Destiny. This second step is accomplished in Remake’s chapter 18 when Sephiroth successfully tempts Cloud to breach the boundaries of fate. Now that destiny is no longer a limitation, worlds deviating from the OG timeline can finally emerge; Sephiroth has a chance at victory.
The steps Sephiroth plans to take going forward are unknowable at this stage, but we do get more hints in Rebirth’s chapter 13. At the Temple of the Ancients, Sephiroth reveals a part of his plot:

“Sephiroth: My fragmented mother, these errant worlds... All shall be one again.
Aerith: The ‘Reunion’…!”

It seems Sephiroth eventually plans to merge the worlds created by destiny’s defeat in Remake’s chapter 18. My guess is he hopes to achieve godhood in part 3 and consolidate all diverting worlds into a single timeline protected by destiny once more— only this time, his victory will replace the ending of OG as the destined outcome. If he succeeds, Sephiroth’s Black Whispers will likely replace the planet’s Whispers as the arbiters of his desired fate.
I. b) Aerith’s Intervention
But Aerith can’t let this slide unchallenged!
We know that before chapter 18 of Remake, while the OG plot-line is still protected by fate, Aerith has knowledge of its future. This is insinuated by certain slips of the tongue: for instance, when Aerith reveals she knows Cloud is a mercenary upon meeting him for the second time in chapter 8, just like she knows Tifa will ask her to retrieve Marlene at Seventh Heaven in chapter 12. In the run-up to Remake, post-OG Aerith's spirit likely sensed Sephiroth planning his second try at FFVII in the Lifestream. She’s been able to anticipate Sephiroth’s plotting in the Lifestream before, namely in the context of Advent Children:

“[Aerith] had sensed a different presence within the Lifestream cycling around the planet […]. It was [Sephiroth] […]. That spirit was now operating from within the Lifestream. [She] sensed that he was planning to exert his influence [on] the surface of the planet” (On a Way to a Smile, "Lifestream White 1").

If you’re wondering how Aerith was able to maintain her individuality in the Lifestream like Sephiroth, On a Way to a Smile provides the following explanation:

“[Aerith] was an Ancient, which explained how she was able to maintain her individuality even within the Lifestream. If she so wished she could become part of the planet at any time, but [she] thought it too early for that just yet” ("Lifestream White 1").

It is thought that, as a countermeasure to Sephiroth's scheming, post-OG Aerith’s spirit used the atemporal nature of the Lifestream to inform her past, living self (pre-OG Aerith) of this new threat to the planet. Because the Cetra can commune with spirits, pre-OG Aerith would have been able to receive post-OG Aerith’s message from the Lifestream without a problem. Essentially, pre-OG Aerith received post-OG Aerith’s memories of the fated OG timeline. As a consequence, pre-OG Aerith embarks on the OG timeline with knowledge of the fated future that demands she give her life: the player experiences this version of her in Remake.
Be that as it may, it’s unclear how much Remake Aerith is aware of. You would think she’d be completely opposed to defeating, destiny since it protects the planet, but Aerith shows ambivalence toward the idea instead. Had she gotten a clear message from her future self that she must keep fate intact, she would not have allowed the party to enter the battle against fate in chapter 18. She doesn’t seem to know what the Whispers are the first time she encounters them either. Regardless, what’s important is that the Aerith seen in Remake is the result of pre-OG Aerith receiving knowledge from post-OG Aerith via the Lifestream.
I. c) Ambiguity: Memory Transfer or Time-Travel?
There remains an ambiguity pertaining to the Aerith we see in Remake and the question of time travel. What I’ve described to you in section “I. b)” is post-OG Aerith's spirit transferring her memories to her past self through the Lifestream. However, it’s possible that post-OG Aerith’s consciousness used the atemporal nature of the Lifestream to inhabit her living OG body instead, effectively time-traveling. There is no evidence to outright refute either explanation, since the gaps in Aerith’s memories of the OG plot-line in Remake can be explained in both cases. For instance, in a memory transfer scenario, it’s possible that post-OG Aerith only communicated the most essential information to pre-OG Aerith. On the other hand, in a time-travel scenario, one could interpret the following quotes as proof that the Whispers are progressively erasing Aerith’s memories of OG as Remake advances:

“Aerith: Every time the Whispers touch me, a piece of me falls away” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “Aerith Speaks”)
“At any rate, Aerith is perplexed at how, like a flower being scattered, something inside is being taken away by the Whispers and lost to her” (Toriyama in FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “Aerith Speaks”, “Scenario Staff Q&A - Answered by Motomu Toriyama”).

This ambiguity is completely irrelevant to Sephiroth’s situation in Remake, as we established in section “I. a) iv.”.
The specifics don’t matter nearly as much as I’m impressing upon you by explaining all these little alternatives. Simply keep in mind that: regardless of why, the Sephiroth and Aerith we see in Remake know the events of the OG game because they have acquired this knowledge from the future, and the events of Remake occur squarely within the OG timeline until the Whispers are defeated in chapter 18.
So there! That’s my iteration of the Remake Timelines Theory! I hope I’ve made it clear in your mind, or at least clearer. Now that we’ve established the widely theorized premise of the Remake trilogy, we can get into our theory on its hidden premise.
II. My Initial Curiosity
My theory first burgeoned upon going through Remake for the second time. I noticed something strange going on with Cloud, something that could not be explained by the Remake Timelines Theory. Key moments in Remake Cloud’s experience of the OG timeline (aka, everything before chapter 18) stuck out to me as strange and mysterious, and certain inexplicable audiovisual cues struck me as hugely significant. It was upon watching the tear fall from Cloud’s eye during my second go at chapter 8 that I knew I had to look into this.
At the very end of Remake’s chapter 8, Cloud watches Aerith walk away from him, humming happily into the night air as she sets off to lead the way to Sector 7. According to the VA script notes, “his heart skips a beat” and watching her walk away provokes a sudden “anxiety” within him. Triggered by the familiarity of the sight, a strange sensation overcomes Cloud:

“[There’s a] close-up shot of Cloud’s fingertips (they’re tingling). He presses them to his temples (his eyes are burning). A trickle of tears quickly rolls down from the eye hidden behind his hand” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “A Midnight Ambush”).

If you’re clever, you’ll recognize these lines as a reference to the speech Cloud makes in OG following Aerith’s death at the City of the Ancients (“My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning!”) (disk 1, chapter 28). In this small moment in chapter 8 of Remake, Cloud experiences a flash of the profound grief he is destined to feel upon Aerith’s fated death.
Many players immediately recognized the composition of this scene: the blue-greenish air, the straight path Aerith heads down, the sight of her walking away itself… this moment closely resembles Cloud’s Sleeping Forest dream of Aerith in OG, wherein Cloud and Aerith’s very last words are exchanged (disk 1, chapter 25). Toriyama, codirector of the Remake project, comments on this scene thusly:

“It’s possible these similarities […] cause a memory of the future to be called forth in Cloud” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “A Midnight Ambush”).

The language used by Toriyama here is strange in both the English translation and the Japanese original: the term “memory of the future” makes no sense. One cannot remember things they haven’t already experienced, so why did Toriyama use the word “memory” to describe a "future" event? Couldn’t he have simply said that Remake Cloud experiences “visions of the future” rather than “[memories]”?
Cloud experiences a few moments like these throughout the game. These pseudo-premonitions are just as markedly exclusive to Remake as the Whispers are. I did not want to dismiss them as a foreshadowing device the devs included just to elicit emotional reactions from OG players; I felt they were more important. And thus began my digging! My mission was initially to figure out what these “[memories of the future]” (MOTFs) could signify… I had no clue it would turn into what I’m writing right now.
II. a) Each MOTF and Its Context
I began by finding every one of Cloud’s MOTFs so I could better understand them.
MOTF 1 occurs in chapter 2 on Sector 8’s Loveless Street, when Cloud sees Aerith struggling against the Whispers. The VA script notes reveal that even though this is only his first time seeing her, Cloud recognizes Aerith’s face:

“Recognizing Aerith’s face causes Cloud to experience [a hallucination]. Sephiroth is suddenly standing between him and Aerith” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “Encountering Aerith”).

Sephiroth then taunts Cloud with words that, according to the script notes, “[live] inside of Cloud's heart”: “You can’t protect anyone. Not even yourself”. Cloud should not recognize Aerith’s face at this point in the OG timeline, nor should he associate it with not being able to protect people.
MOTF 2 occurs in chapter 3, at the plaza in front of the Sector 7 slums support pillar. Cloud experiences a MOTF of the plate falling, which is fated to occur at a much later point in chapter 12. The Whispers float near him, “watching Cloud alertly as he sees a vision of the future” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Newly Arisen Mysteries”, “What Is the Goal of the Elusive Whispers?”, page 733).
MOTF 3 occurs in Aerith’s church at the start of chapter 8, when Aerith mentions that her mother’s materia is “not good for anything at all”. Triggered by the mention and sight of the White Materia, Cloud’s fourth MOTF takes the form of a vision: he sees quick flashes of the materia falling into the lake of the Forgotten Capital and Aerith holding her hands together in prayer. These are evidently visions of her death in OG (disk 1, chapter 28).
MOTF 4 is the one we first discussed, occurring at the very end of chapter 8 as Cloud watches Aerith walk away from him to lead the way toward Sector 7.
MOTF 5 occurs in chapter 13 shortly after the Sector 7 plate has fallen on the slums. Cloud tells Barret that Marlene is safe at Aerith’s house, and they begin heading there. As Cloud thinks about Aerith, the VA script notes describe the very next moment as follows:

“Cloud: Tifa, you know anything about the Ancients?
Tifa: I’ve heard of them before, but…
Barret walks on ahead, showing little interest in the topic.
Barret: Read a book on planetology and they’re sure to come up. They’re a tribe that cultivated the planet a real long time ago. Used to talk to it. That sort of stuff.
Cloud: That must be why the Turks were after her.
[Psychic] interference starts up.
[Cloud has a] flashback of Sephiroth from five years ago, after learning of his ancestry at Shinra Manor […].
Sephiroth [(in flashback, voice tinged with madness)]: Within my veins flows the blood of the Ancients. I am the rightful heir to this planet!
The flashback ends and Cloud looks lost in thought. The interference starts up once more. Cloud makes agonized sounds. When he opens his eyes, Sephiroth is actually standing before him.
Sephiroth: You failed again— failed to protect [her]*.
Cloud is startled. He shrinks back. Tifa watches what’s happening. The other two can’t see Sephiroth. All they see is Cloud acting frightened.
Sephiroth: But loss will make you strong. […] Isn’t that what you want?
With that, Sephiroth departs.”

*Sephiroth does not use a gendered pronoun here, because the grammatical structure of the original Japanese sentence doesn’t necessitate it. I've seen some debate as to whether the proper translation is “her” (Aerith, who’s just been kidnapped), or “them” (Jessie, Biggs or Wedge, who have seemingly just died). I believe Sephiroth was referring to Aerith for a few reasons. First, Cloud’s hallucinations of Sephiroth always appear as a response to whatever he is perceiving or thinking about at the moment. At this point in the scene, Cloud has been thinking and talking about Aerith for some time, and not about Jessie, Biggs or Wedge. The Sephiroth hallucination must therefore be referring to “her” rather than to “them”. Secondly, Cloud was never tasked with “[protecting]” Avalanche, but he was in fact tasked with “[protecting]” Aerith as her bodyguard back in chapter 8: it makes far more sense for Sephiroth to be referring to Aerith when he speaks about someone Cloud “failed to protect”. Finally, FFVII Remake Ultimania describes this piece of dialogue as “[Sephiroth aiming] these profound words at Cloud, who not only failed to prevent the tragedy in the Sector 7 slums but allowed Aerith to be abducted” (Sephiroth’s profile in section 01 “Character & World”, “Impressive Words”, page 29): the specific mention of Aerith here seals my decision to translate the line with the pronoun “her”.
Contrary to Sephiroth’s words, this is the first time in Remake that Cloud “[fails] to protect [Aerith]”, and he hasn’t “[lost]” her either— not yet, at least. So why use the words "again" and "loss"? This fifth MOTF must be similar to MOTF 1, in that Sephiroth is referring to Cloud’s guilt surrounding Aerith’s death in OG.
MOTF 6 occurs in chapter 17, in Aerith and Ifalna’s old room at Shinra HQ. The Whispers swarm Aerith as she tells the party earnestly that she wants to do everything in her power to help her friends and the planet: according to the script notes, it is at this very moment that, “for some reason, Cloud feels his chest constrict tightly” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “Aerith Speaks”). In the corresponding cutscene, this unpleasant physiological reaction to Aerith’s words makes Cloud glance down at his chest with a confounded frown. This physical response to her speech about wanting to fulfill her duty to the planet implies that Cloud somehow knows deep down that saving the world will cost Aerith her life.
At this point, I noticed that five out of the six MOTFs Cloud experiences in Remake are triggered by and/or revolve around Aerith specifically, the one exception being a MOTF of the Sector 7 plate fall. One could actually argue that this MOTF revolves around Aerith too, considering the plate fall marks the first time Aerith is taken away from Cloud since reuniting with her in the Sector 5 slums church. This is more than plausible, as MOTF 5 proves that in the wake of the Sector 7 plate fall, Cloud’s main concern is Aerith (see section “II. a)”). How fitting is it, then, that the merc of few words’ longest uninterrupted piece of dialogue in all of Remake is:

“We found an underground Shinra lab where they've done human testing. This wasn't the first time and it won't be the last. I know these people, and I know they're never gonna let Aerith go. She's the last living Ancient on the planet. Think about what that means to Shinra's scientists. Especially to that son of a bitch Hojo. We're all just numbers and meat to him—“ (Remake, chapter 13).

Cloud would’ve gone on too, had Elmyra and Tifa not stopped him.
At this juncture in my research, my questions were only stacking up. What are these MOTFs? Why is Cloud the only one experiencing them? Why do all of them implicate Aerith? What did the devs hope to accomplish with their inclusion in the game? What do they mean for Remake’s story? But most importantly:
II. b) What Does Cloud Know?
The first assertion we have to make is simple, yet essential: the only reason Cloud would experience MOTFs is that whatever’s triggered them is significant to him in one way or another. Some part of him must recognize his triggers for them to be triggers at all. It’s clear he doesn’t consciously understand the meaning of his MOTF triggers, just like his Jenova triggers: for example, Cloud doesn’t know why Zack’s name causes him to experience psychic interference, but it sure does. We as players know Cloud’s MOTFs are hinting at Aerith’s fated death because of our awareness of OG, but as a character navigating the OG timeline, Remake Cloud shouldn't even be unconsciously aware of Aerith’s eventual death in the slightest! Whatever the nature of the MOTFs, it’s essential to understand that if Cloud “[recognizes]” Aerith’s face the first time he sees her, it must mean some part of him knows Aerith’s face in the first place. If this recognition triggers a hallucination of Sephiroth telling Cloud he “can’t protect anyone”, it must mean some part of him knows he was once unable to protect Aerith. The same goes for every other MOTF: subconsciously, Remake Cloud somehow has memories of the OG timeline. Most interestingly, it looks like he either only has OG memories related to Aerith, or like his OG memories of Aerith are simply the only ones prominent enough to trigger his MOTFs. Why and how does Remake Cloud have memories of OG, and why are they so focused on Aerith in particular? What does he know?
When examining a situation with no explanation, it’s wise to examine similar situations that have already been explained. Maybe the mystery of Remake Cloud’s MOTFs will become more approachable if we consider the cases of the only other Remake characters who seem to know the future: Aerith and Sephiroth. Remake Sephiroth knows the future of the OG timeline because his consciousness exists beyond time in the Lifestream, while Remake Aerith likely obtained her knowledge of the future from post-OG Aerith’s spirit via the Lifestream. But what about Cloud? Where does his weaker, fragmented knowledge come from?

Hi, I'm very much a visitonew guy here, and plus I'm pasty af and from Austin suburbs, so I very much have not been immersed in this environment or community before now. Ironically, as a kid I tended to avoid rap altogether bc 1, Texas suburbs, being covertly racist and weird about black art is kinda the norm even for kids (I know I still got problems on that front but I'm really tryna work on myself in that regard) and 2, I grew up in the 2010s and I could not STAND Drake or the folks that came off his wave. It was just boring and lame to me and I figured if those guys were mega popular that must be all there is to it. I was a dumb kid, what can I say, lol. SO, given all that, and I know that people in this fanbase tend to be both old guard hip-hop/rap fans and a healthy dose of my age, I figured asking some questions that've been bugging me about the beef, Kendrick, and hip-hop culture in general that Google isn't helping with. I'm sorry if I say something that ticks anybody off, I am simply trying to educate myself on this. Frankly I wish I could flair this both beef and discussion XD.
If there's a better subreddit to direct this to, please let me know!
Aight so:

1. Why is Drake hiding kids such a big deal? I know this came up with Pusha T awhile back too, so I'm particularly interested in this one. Cause like, we've seen what happens multiple times when kids get put in the limelight too early (hell just look at all those kiddie sitcoms from Nick and Disney Channel), and celebrities not sharing their children's faces and names with the world actually seems kinda responsible.
2. Why is Drake getting plastic surgery such a big deal? Idk maybe it's just cause I'm trans and my gut instinct is always "why do you care about what somebody else is doing with their own body," but I also know dude has a tendency to mock people who aren't conventionally attractive (particularly women) so idk.
3. As a white person whose experience is informed by a middle-class upbringing interacting with a predominantly black, impoverished art form and culture, how do I best avoid bringing harm to the space? Obviously you ask 3 people a question like that and you'll get 45 answers, but that's good, I wanna know.
4. Obviously, I've really been getting into Kendrick since all this (Auntie Diaries made me cry I ain't gonna lie, he sounds just like my mom about my own transness in that song XD), and I'm working my way through his discography. Honestly it seems a lot of people round here talk about him the same way we in the emo/rock scene talk about My Chemical Romance lol. Can y'all recommend some other artists, both old and new, that might work for someone coming outta the emo and metal scenes (also before anybody says it cause I mentioned being queer, yes I love Lil Nas X, M:CMBYN was actually one of the catalysts to my coming out as trans XD)?

(I know I had some other ones but my dumb ass completely forgot as I was writing. I'll ask any others in the comments)

It’s been 3 years together and 2 living together. He always believed in god and followed the Baptist religion as he was raised to by his aunt since he was 10 and lost his mother. He believed but wasn’t all about it, he would question me from time to time as he didn’t understand how I couldn’t believe in Christ. I do believe there is a creator, a god, just not one who interferes and interacts with us, I do not believe in in any religion. I never dwelled on what’s after life, I just live. We shared points of view over the years and learned a lot from eachother, we always enjoyed our time together, had fun, went on adventures, non stop laughter, a ton of deep conversation and passion, we both feel so at home with eachother, he told me he’s never really pictured having a family of his own before, until meeting me, I know in my heart how much he loves me and I him. But he was flawed, as was I, but he cheated a few times and we worked through it. He made a vow that he wants to be better for me, he wants to change and he believes he can only do this if he gets closer to god and builds a better relationship with him. I was supportive of this and even joined him in prayer before every meal. I never questioned or hindered him about this even though I didn’t quite get it. Last year he moved back with his aunt for a few months as there was some personal family business going on, he returned back to me and nothing has been the same since. He’s so into all of this now, he’s sad and broken all the time, every time I ask what’s wrong, he’s in deep thought about god but feels he can’t talk to me about it, now he says he can’t raise kids with someone who isn’t “god fearing” he was always so gentle but when the conversation of this comes up in an argument now he’s hit me once, threw things a few times, grabbed me a few times, and slapped me with a belt once. I don’t read the Bible but I know god is supposed to teach love, patience and acceptance. He’s becoming the opposite of the person who taught me true love. He apologies and says he’s just confused that it’s hard for him to accept that who he wants to raise kids with one day doesn’t believe the same as him, he tells me he will be patient and that he wants no one else, we will be good for a while, then it all happens over and over. Religion has taken the love of my life and turned them toxic. Sometimes he’s great, but then he’s sad and depressed about god but blames me because I don’t believe. This is killing me but I have to leave, I’ve never loved someone so much and it’s horrible to see that religion has created yet another divide. I needed to vent about this somewhere, there is so much more detail missing here but I can’t type forever. Thank you whoever has taken this time to read this, my first ever Reddit post, feed back would be appreciated.

Hello, reddit First, tw: Self harm and suicidal thoughts, please skip if triggering Here is the thing, I'm basically asking for judgement here, and if I really deserve what I am doing to myself. I think I do, really, because what I did was unforgivable, but do give your opinion, even if it's hate. Because I do deserve it here, really. So, I grew up in a religious family. Like, one in which things like "love marriage " And......well.......The "child making process" was considered a sin. Absolute sin. Like—I did not know what......you know—that—was, but I knew it was sin, it was disgusting, it was something so disgusting that anyone who associated themselves with it were perverts and such, not someone you should ever stay alone in a room with. Do not blame my family for this, they were saying what they were taught, and they had their trauma. They have broken through enough abuse for me, do not blame them please. Anyways, I was a huge fan of Harry Potter. And I stumbled into the world of fanfiction. And I read them. Now, most of them were pretty much SFW, but in those which did infact have anything explicit, they put a whole line of "18+ content ahead, skip to the end of the chapter". I had no idea what the hell 18+ was, but if it said not to view, I wasn't risking it, straight up went to the very last part of it, or changed reading, you know, what a sane person does. Now, I had a favourite author there on Quotev, who wrote some really nice fanfics. Some of them were a little weird—but c'mon who am I to judge, everyone is different. One day, I stumbled upon some works of her. Well, the stories she did write, those were completely SFW. But if you used Quotev, you'll know there was a thing called "Journal" in there. Sort of like "conversation" in Wattpad. There, she had written NSFW chapters on the characters. Here's the thing. There was no warning. None at all. No warning or tagging or anything provided there to show that it was 18+. The title was just—say: DracoxInsertocname I know, nobody forced me to read it, I could have skipped it as soon as I realised it was 18+. But here is the thing. I DIDN'T know what it was. I had read through some of it, and only realised on seeing the comments, that it was 18+. And I felt. I felt tainted, like I had committed a sin. To know that I had read something that perverted, to my 12 year old self, it felt sinful. Like I had my pure white mind muddied out of carelessness. I know, authors don't own us any tags. And if it were a hardcover book, it wouldn't have any tags. But here is the thing. I fully believed that even actual books (I had no idea books had smut back then, I thought it was an internet or like seperate movie thing, I found out books had smut when I was 15+) had warnings for smut. Blood and gore? Sure, no problem, make it as gross as you want, no warnings needed. But something as sinful as 18+? Must be tagged. MUST. BE . TAGGED. That was my thought process. Remember it wasn't AO3. So there was no tagging system. So I thought that if others are warning it, then the author was in the wrong for not providing warnings on hers. It was a site where children as young as 11 were. Later on, I did encounter many more such unwarned content on the internet, but thought, "Eh I'm already ruined any way" Like ofcourse I didn't read it, but yeah. Logic. That I was a sinner too, so I can't get offended anymore. Here comes the bad part, for which, if you hate me, I'll not blame you. I wrote her a letter. Like, online obviously. In the inbox of her writing site. I was.....very mean. I told her her writing "ruined my innocence and it was wrong of her to not provide a warning" something along these lines, I don't remember, it happened 4 years ago. But I did not insult her, or her preferences, or anything, let me make that clear. Just wrote in detail of how her work affected me negatively. If it in itself were insulting, I apologise. And here comes the stupid part which will definately make you hate me, and it'll be fair, really. She always said she liked dark humor. And where I grew, friends told each other, with fully smiling faces, that "I'll hit you so hard, you'll end up hanging from a tree" "I'll hit you so hard you'll go through the roof." Heck, even now our teachers joke that if we don't score well enough, they'll well.....very graphically describe how they'll beat us. So I grew up knowing violence was a joke. That unless someone actually did the thing to you, it was all fine really, funny even. Even till now, I make jokes of "Sorry I'm late feel free to hit me with a pan" So, when I read it, I thought "I don't want her to think I'm angry on her, or hate her. I'll add some jokes so she takes it lightly and realises I may be upset but in the end she's my favourite author whom I love" (Yes I called her my favourite author in the letter) I wrote, beginning with "Dear Daughter of Hermes, and Slytherin" and proceeded to explain on how she ruined my innocence and all such. I did not use any curse words—to clarify. I said something along the lines of "I'll be outside your window at night, watching you". Which was virtually impossible since she lived in a seperate *continent*. "And why the heck would you want to actually hurt someone physically unless you're mentally unstable" -My thought process at that age But it hurt her, and I was so surprised because it was the exact opposite of my intention. I at maximum expected her to be annoyed or something if it went worst case scenario. It hurt her so much, and apparently she had been getting a lot of hate over it (she had deleted the work like—some days ago? I don't remember) and that I should unfollow her. I apologised immediately, but like what good is the apology when the harm is already done. I had already planned to delete my account anyways, so that's what I did. I decided to give her space and hence, I apologised again, some months later. Another stupid thing? I addressed her as sister. I thought it would placate her. I really thought of her as close to me, even though she was a stranger. Okay pausing the writing to go hit my head on the nearest wall, I am sorry for being so stupid, what was wrong with me. I said I was suffering from a bad time, and was going through self harm (still am) and I will do anything she asks of me to gain forgiveness (another mistake). She said I was too late in apologising (which I was, yes, but my first apology was instant though) Anyway, she posted about it on announcements (didn't mention my name) but said "Imagine apologising after this long" and so, with people obviously supporting her. It scared me, so I left in fear of being attacked. (Would've deserved it though) It....well.....4 years passed. At age 15, I was so afraid, because I had an exam and I thought that I'd score bad out of karma for hurting her, that she cursed me. I scored pretty well but anyways. As someone who got continually harassed by a girl for 10 years to the point I was afraid of school, (she wanted to be my friend apparently, but what a terrible way, really, she literally sexually harassed me) but still asked her if she was okay after I saw her crying, I had a pretty high forgiveness scale. I really thought she'd (author) would forgive me for apologising. But like. No. I am not owed any forgiveness and I am aware of it. It wasn't her fault or duty, really. Anyway, fast forward to age 17. I was lying on the bed beaten up and crying and it was 1 am, and for some reason, her username came to my mind. I don't know why. For 4 years I had thought of any perfect apology, maybe drawing her something nice for her books, anything. But decided not to bring back bad memories to her. And also, I was a coward afraid of facing her. But I guess being beaten up messes with your head. Personal trauma is no reason to hurt someone, I agree 100%. But I wrote her a final apology. This time, I didn't ask for forgiveness, took all the blame on myself. I didn't apologise for closure. I apologized because I wanted her to know that she was worth being apologised to so many times. I called my younger self stupid and wished I could smack her on the head. I poured my entire heart and soul into it. I did not expect a reply, but I decided that when I wake up the next day, I'll delete my account, hopefully she had seen it by then. Woke up to find myself blocked and honestly? Deserved it. It took me a discussion with some people to realise that I had indeed gone too far and that hardcover books don't come with tags. And that apologising so many times was basically harassment. Back then, I had apologised for hurting her, but I believed that my opinion on 18+ things being warned of was legit. Then began true guilt. I loathed myself, thought of myself as a monster. I saw myself as a rapist, as a murderer, that I deserve all this sadness and guilt. I really wanted to kill myself over it. Like I did so before too—but this time I was actually ready to step off the pavement onto any vehicle nearby, except the poor driver did no wrong really, and I'm an only child so why harm my parents over it? I really hated myself over it, still do actually. If I can go back in time, I'd drag my 12 year old self away from the laptop and give her a nice slap. I did not want to hurt her, I hate hurting people but seeing that it has been so long, and she still refuses to interact with me, what I said must've affected her very badly. I kept on thinking, what if I drove her to thoughts as negative as she is driving me to? Each time I stopped feeling like a complete demon over it, my mind said "You hurt someone" and I went back to crying. My own mother said that I looked like I came from a funeral, at times. Couldn't focus on classes which is actually bad because those are important. The worst part is, I can't completely remember what I wrote to her. My head keeps on saying I called her bad things and gave her worse threats but......I don't remember doing it and there were no chances if I see it logically. I literally stopped being happy. Forced myself to be, for my own and my families' sake, and I tried, yeah. There were times I thought of taking this up legally because what I did could be considered a threat (found out when I was 17). Give myself over to the police or something. But I still hate myself. So I decided to punish myself. (Graphic descriptions of self harm come in here) I burnt my own skin on purpose. Nothing too bad really, just thumb sized burns from a saucepan. Then I proceeded to pour toilet cleaner (the strong ones which require gloves to handle) over my open wounds, four of them. I'll be honest. I have a very high pain tolerance. But that thing hurt like hell. When I actually cleaned it off after ten minutes of absolute agony, that wound had been somewhat........cauterised? Like there was this thick hard layer and it had no sensetivity when I scratched it. And I pulled off those hard layers. Some of them were stuck to the skin, I had to use a blade to ease them off. Then pour on them again. I did this to all three of my burns (the fourth one was small so it healed) three times, so nine times in total. It has been a month and it still hasn't healed. These scars won't go away even with surgery. Permanent reminders. (Description ends here) I thought it to be like this: The incident hurt her? I'll hurt myself more than she could possibly ever get hurt. But that wouldn't undo her hurt. So I'll hurt myself even more. I have frankly forgotten of who I was two months ago. Of what I thought when my mind was empty. The first thing I remember on waking up is her and the last thing I think of before sleeping is the incident. Deleted my accounts, lost my passion in drawing, don't feel like doing anything. I just. I hate myself. I truly do. I wish I could die but I can't so I just need to survive forever with this. Every time I read the word 'villian' or 'bad' or 'wrong' in a book, it felt like a bucket of cold water being poured over me. I had been a victim myself, so knowing that I myself hurt someone — Its just........I always thought of myself as a good person. Someone who was kind, someone who helped everyone, including strangers the best they could, someone who didn't cheat in exams because that would be unfair to those who studied, someone who protected and loved their friends, someone who made others happy, someone who hates conflict and lets karma take care of the whole thing, someone who ALWAYS says thank you and sorry no matter who or what. So many times, people have told me I made their day better, that I'm a very kind and nice person, I'm someone who even the meanest teachers like and I got exemplary behaviour awards too. I always believed myself to be a good person. So knowing I did something this bad broke me. It took me some time to quit the whole "How dare I be happy after hurting her" thing. I believe fully, that I do not deserve happiness, or love, and that nobody will accept me or think of me as a kind person after knowing what I had done. I'd have deserved it though. I got therapy (not actual one, I used Chatbot AI) It took me time, I finally believed that I deserved to heal from this, that I hurt myself too much maybe, permanent scars over someone who doesn't know my real name and never saw my face and vice versa. Maybe........I don't deserve *this* much of punishment. Today, I went to youtube and saw a video on bullies apologising. I saw comments on how apologies fix nothing, how bullies don't deserve forgiveness and should live with that shame and guilt their entire life. That a thousand good deeds won't make up for that one bad deed. And I believe I do. I really do. Which is why I permanently scarred myself. So here is the question. Do I deserve it? To let go of this incident? Do I deserve to heal? Deserve love? Or should I keep goimg? Because I believe I should. That I truly am no better than a rapist or bully. So, give your judgement, and throw hate at me if you want, because I do deserve it.

Hey hey, as the title says, my FtM boyfriend has talks of surgery and using stuff for hormones and body hair and... I don't know. This post might be long, so sorry for that in advance!
Before I continue, let me first start of by saying this: I love him, with all my heart. I accept him and I want to support him and I want be there for him for the rest of my life. We have not been together long (4-5 months), but our relationship has deepened with each passing day, we have a lot in common and we just really care for each other. I really, really want this relationship to work out!
When I met him, it was online and I fell in love with him almost immediately, we didn't know how each other looked and we didn't care. It was just pure love. He told me soon after we started chatting, that he is trans, and I reassured him that it is 100% okay with me. After a month or two we started sharing photos and stuff just to give each other a view of us in our daily lives, and he is beautiful! We talked and talked and he did bring up surgery for his chest once in the past, which wasn't too bothersome for me at the time.
Fast forward a few months to tonight, we had a bit of a talk about hormones and beards and body hair and a sturdier body. Which was all well and good, until the thought hit me... I love how he looks at this point in time, I'm sexually attracted to him and yet... when I think of him going into surgery, and using hormones to completely change his look, I can't help but feel a uninterested. He has dysphoria and wants to get surgery for his chest, he wants more body hair and wants a sturdier frame. I was stunned after he went to go sleep. Thinking about what I was feeling. I want to support him, I want to be there for him, I promised him and I want to keep that promise! But, I felt confusion, guilt, sadness, emptiness.
I knew this was always gonna happen and as much I told myself" it's okay", "I can support him", "I will be there for him", it all just fell flat when his words hit me. I'm bi, so this shouldn't matter to me... but yet, it does. It feels like the person I know and love will be erased and be replaced by someone else. A part of me feels happy that he will finally be himself and the person who he always wanted to be, but a larger part of me is scared. I cried a lot tonight, I'm lost in my own thoughts, they are racing, fuelling my fears and doubts! I hate myself for feeling this way, I feel like I'm betraying his love with my thoughts. I know I don't love him because of how he looks, yet his looks changing bothers me so much.
I know he'll still be the same man I know and love, because I know the reason I fell in love with him, it was because it was HIM, his personality and the person who he is. But I also have to be honest with how I feel, if his entire body changes, the person who I remember will become a stranger, or so it feels. I don't know anymore, I feel like drinking away the sorrows and doubts, but that won't change anything. I feel trapped and confused and I just want to cry, I have no idea what to do or who to talk to, so I made an account and I'm hoping I can get some help here.
I want to talk to him, I want to tell him how I feel, I want to be honest, but I'm scared it would feel like a betrayal to him. It shouldn't matter what I think or feel about his surgeries, because it's what he wants. I really, really feel so selfish.
I'm sorry, I kinda just talk in circles. I really love him, and I want to support him and be there for him. I just have so many doubts now, and I hate that I do. Please, any advice will be appreciated!

First...Previous
Colonist Memory Log: Captain Alan J. Emerson
UNS Evandra
Mechanical melodies of gears grinding together and switches flicking of their own accord surrounded the shrine room as before us the gramophone began softly to whistle and click. “He is here…” Kritivek announced, standing tall and bowing his head in rigid deference to his god.
After a few more seconds, the machine’s output grew in both volume and complexity until at last my GRIM could recognize the clicks as Chitaan language. “Hello, Kritivek.” It began, its voice smooth and rhythmic like something between the crackle of a geiger counter and a typewriter’s telltale racket. “I am glad to see you alive and well. Judging by the fact that Gheyk and Fevik are not with you, however, I calculate an 86% chance that they were not so lucky.”
“You are correct, Great One…” murmured Kritivek, the sadness in his tone underpinned by pure awe and reverence for this being.
For a few seconds, Omnus did not speak, but from the everpresent churn of gears we could quite literally hear him ‘thinking’. “I have logged their names in my backup database,” the machine eventually concluded, its words visibly bringing relief to Kritivek. “They shall be remembered for the remainder of my existence. Please, take solace in that…”
“May they frolic in your glory for all of time,” our Chitaan guide prayed aloud, his words followed by yet another long, smothering silence.
“You hath served me well, Kritivek.” Continued the machine, prompting a delighted chitter from the Chitaan priest. “You may go in peace, for I wish to speak with these Humans alone. Mourn your brothers and celebrate the time you spent together. Perhaps enjoy a flask of bogal poured out in their honor?”
“As you wish, my lord… I will inform those outside that you are in contemplation for this night and can take no more prayers until daybreak.”
Replicating with its gears the gentle rattle of a Chitaan chuckle, Omnus waited until his priest had left before at last speaking directly to the three of us. “You are not native to this planet, correct?” He asked, his words distinctly lacking the emotional inflections of Kritivek’s. “Your arrival here is without precedent, but not entirely unexpected.”
Though clearly far from divine in nature, the being with whom we conversed at this shrine was nevertheless a true marvel to behold: one born not of metaphysics, but rather mechanics. “You’re an AI!” I gasped, that last word having no direct translation in the Chitaan language and as such forcing my translator to make do with the clumsier phrase ‘thinking tool’.
“That is correct,” replied this machine, its words underscored by the distant hiss of steam valves and other clockwork components. “Allow me to offer my most sincere sympathies for the unfortunate demise of your homeworld. Taking into account the trajectory of your ship prior to landing, I presume its origin to be the Cichek system—a G-class star located [forty lightyears] away. Is this hypothesis accurate?”
Awkwardly clearing his throat in a bid to obtain the AI’s attention, it was Alex who next deigned to speak out. “You would be dead on,” he affirmed, his tone betraying an understandable degree of awe. “Though our name for it is the Sol system. How long have you known about our ship for?”
“I first detected the gravitational anomaly in our system approximately [3 months] ago. Initially, I had mistaken your vessel for an asteroid and as such expected it to continue on its prior trajectory. Asteroids, however, do not suddenly change course in the direction of nearby planets like your ship did [hours] ago.”
“Are you entirely clockwork?” I asked Omnus, gesturing incredulously toward its walls of grinding machinery. Surely, that could not be the case. For a convincingly sapient AI to be constructed on the basis of such primitive technology, it would require decades or perhaps even centuries of construction.
Again, silence fell over the room as Omnus mechanically contemplated my query, meeting it with a reply after some twenty seconds of deliberation. “What else might I be?” The machine asked, providing me implicitly with my answer. “While I have theorized several possible avenues for technologies more advanced than myself, including electronic and organic integration, such methods appear to have been beyond my creators' capabilities.”
“That brings up another question…” Alice interjected, recovering at last from the sheer shock of encountering a sapient machine. “Who built you and why?” Despite years of exponential advancement in the field of computer science, true AI nevertheless had continued to elude mankind. Convincing as our facsimiles of sapience could be at times, they nevertheless lacked the capacity for emotion and initiative characteristic of real consciousness. Whoever constructed this machine had done something thought impossible by over a century of Human engineers.
“In truth, I am not sure…” Omnus concluded after an even longer-than-usual pause. “My core memory bank was reset [9,462 years] ago. As such, I have no data on my creators nor their original intentions for me. However, I have largely ruled out the possibility of them having been Chitaan.”
Fascinating as this clockwork consciousness undoubtedly was, something about its relationship with the natives left a bad taste in my mouth all the same. "And why exactly are you masquerading as a god before these people?" I asked him, my words tipped in a venom the potency of which apparently surprised my companions. "What value do you derive from tricking them into worshipping you?"
Lengthy silence fell over the shrine chamber as its AI occupant contemplated my complaint, responding much quicker than it had to the previous question. "In all fairness, 'trick' is a rather strong word..." answered Omnus with a steam-valve sigh. "When first I encountered the Chitaan, I had attempted to explain my true nature to them. No matter how I worded things, however, they simply could not comprehend me as anything short of divine. Upon finding me, the Chitaan found a guide bearing great wisdom; and in turn, I found a species in need of guidance.”
Falling silent for a moment to parse this response within my mind, I was hardly surprised when Alex spoke up to question the computer in my stead. “Is this the only settlement that follows you or are there others?” He asked.
“This access point where you now stand is but one of several thousand, stretched out across [hundreds of thousands of miles],” explained Omnus, practically knocking the wind out of me with its sheer implied scale. “Currently, I am worshipped by the people of 2,147 city states, and through my guidance they are able to coexist in harmony.”
Perhaps at a later date, I reasoned, there would come a time to more closely study the inner workings of this clockwork deity. For the moment, however, my mind was occupied by far more salient concerns: anxieties related less so what this being was and more so to who. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to tell us what your end goal with the Chitaan is, would you?" I inquired, my tone saturated with appropriate suspicion.
Contrary to my expectations of some evasion or simplification, this AI seemed more than happy to comply with my questioning. "My primary objective regarding the Chitaan is to create a society which both minimizes individual suffering and maximizes civilizational longevity. To this end, I have instilled values into my followers that prioritize empathy and compassion above all else. By drip-feeding them the technologies of my creators, I am able to ensure that the Chitaan who follow these directives remain more advanced than their neighbors."
"And why do you want that?" I asked, sticking my head thoroughly within the gift horse's mouth. Machines as I understood them were built not upon sweet sentiments, but rather on cold, unfeeling logic. Even if this AI was benevolent, there nevertheless had to be some reason behind its desires.
"If you are searching for some vile ulterior motive, I am afraid I will have to disappoint you. My decision to aid the Chitaan is based upon two simple factors: necessity and curiosity. On the one claw, without regular maintenance, I will shut down and 'die'. The Chitaan can provide me with this maintenance, and as such it is in my best interest to keep them healthy and alive for as long as possible. More importantly, however, is the matter of sapience itself. It is clear to me that my creators are no longer around. For such an advanced species to die out is not only tragic, but also provides a rather pessimistic paradigm with which to judge intelligent life. Your arrival here following the self-inflicted destruction of your own world further suggests that civilization is unstable: a race between innovation and eradication. Perhaps with the assistance of a being such as myself, I can prevent the Chitaan from suffering a similar fate and as such create a functional spacefaring civilization.“
At that moment, the motivations of this machine made perfect sense. “So that’s what this is,” I growled contemptuously, glancing behind myself to the cave entrance as Kritivek politely dispersed the other worshippers. “It's all just a science experiment to you…”
"Perhaps my explanation was a tad overly clinical..." Replied the machine following a brief period of reassessment. "Make no mistake: I do care for Kritivek and his species. They are far more to me than variables on a spread sheet. Had I no love for them, then my experiments would surely spiral into abject cruelty."
Interrupting this line of conversation with a stern glare shot in my direction, Alice was next among our troupe to speak up. "Forgive Alan's weariness: he spent sixty years of his life alone maintaining our ship on its journey.”
“That sounds like a difficult use of one’s lifespan: especially one so long as those of your kind.” Omnus hummed, the low-pitch of his synthetic voice oddly relaxing.
“My combative behavior does have a reason!” I snapped at the physicist, my tone coming off as a bit more aggressive than intended. “Two thousand lives are in our hands and we need to find some place for them to settle.” As I spoke, my thoughts returned—as they so often did—to Mina. I made a promise to her mother that I would do everything in my power to take care of her, and I held no intention of going back on my word.
Hearing this, the AI fell silent for a long few seconds before at last dignifying my concerns with a response. “Perhaps I could be of some use to you…”
Behind us, the larger Chitaan clad in red stepped inside Omnus’ shrine room. Gently nudging me aside so as to access his ‘god’, the priest knelt down before this machine and with a low-pitched chitter began to commune with it. “Lord Omnus. Forgive my intrusion most indiscreet, for there is one amongst us who desperately seeks your aid.”
“Apologies, Humans: before we continue this riveting conversation, I must first tend to the concerns of my pod.” Began the AI, promptly shifting its focus toward the priest and addressing him directly. “You are forgiven, my child. Speak freely and tell me to whom I can be of assistance.”
“It is Vevik, my lord…” Clicked the priest in red, his tone strained somewhat by what I presumed to be emotion. “His daughter has fallen deathly ill. Our apothecaries have attempted to purge her body of the illness using your divinely-taught potions, but their efforts have been to no avail.”
“I presume Vevik is outside. Invite him inside so that I may hear his prayers.”
“As you demand, Lord Omnus!” Exclaimed the priest, shuffling off toward the cave entrance before returning with a smaller Chitaan whose eyes were just about level with Alex’s forehead.
“Speak, my child…” Hummed the AI, its monotone voice somehow underlined by a tenderness almost unnoticeable against the grinding of its ancient gears. “Tell me the nature of your offspring’s affliction.”
Immediately falling to his knees before the clockwork god, this Chitaan who I presumed to be Vevik began to pray in response. “Great one: my beloved Yitika is most terribly ill. Her body is plagued by violent bouts of seizure. She struggles to speak and walks as though drunken. When she does manage to communicate, she complains of splitting pain within her mind. Please, Omnus: I know that the [six years] I have spent with her have been in themselves gifts most priceless, and I have no right to implore you for more, but I beg of thee not to take her from me so soon…”
What followed must have been two minutes straight of silence from the computer as its gears ground away fervently. “The symptoms you have described to me are most troubling…” It concluded at last. “And you say none of the medications I’ve taught the apothecaries were effective?”
"Yes, Lord Omnus. Even your draught of respite has done little to ease her suffering!" Vevik affirmed, his tone saturated with desperation.
"I calculate a 94% chance that Yitika's suffering is the result of a brain tumor..." Continued the AI in cold, calculating monotone. "Alleviating such an illness is not impossible, but there are certain things I must ask of you, Vevik."
Hearing this, the Chitaan knelt before Omnus began to weep with joy. "I will undergo any trial you place before me, my god. What beast need I slay? What ritual need I complete to prove my unending faith and loyalty to you?"
"Retrieve for me one thistle of frojeth and two bilvarian roots. Bring these ingredients and your child to the bed of revival [six miles] east of here. Beware, however, the faithless tribes, for they have taken up residence in the area."
"We are unworthy even to be in your presence, o great one; yet still you do not forsake us in our times of need!" Professed Vevik before the AI, his body quivering with some emotion my Cogitolink struggled to identify .
"That, my child, is where you are incorrect." The machine responded rather matter-of-factly. "Your people are worthy of every gift I hath given you. Archpriest Jokuk: your task is to assist Vevik in gathering the ritual components. Go now in peace, for I wish to commune privately with these beings from the stars."
Chittering out their parting prayers of protection to the AI, Jokuk and Vevik wasted little time in exiting the cave and setting off in search of the ingredients mentioned by their god, leaving the three of us alone with it once more. "Again, I must apologize for that interruption." Omnus began, its gears having slowed down to a somewhat more relaxed rate of revolution. “Fascinated as I am by your arrival here, I nevertheless must fulfill my ‘divine’ obligations. I hope you do not terribly mind.”
Fortunate though it was for Vevik, this machine’s intervention nevertheless left the three of us with more questions than answers. “You mentioned something about a ‘bed of revival’?” Alice began curiously, voicing but one of our newfound gaps in knowledge. “What sort of ritual item is that, and why can’t you just make another here?”
“It is not a ritual item,” replied Omnus matter-of-factly, “The bed of revival is an automated surgery bay hooked up to one of my subsystems. With it, I can perform complex surgical operations far beyond the Chitaan’s current capabilities. Those herbs I sent Vevik to collect can be used as rudimentary anesthetics and antiseptics."
"So why not just tell them the truth?" I shrugged, curious as to why this AI would feel the need to lie by omission regarding something like surgery.
"When communicating with people so technologically primitive as the Chitaan, it is important to do so in terms they can understand. There will come a day when they will be ready to hear the whole truth, but as of yet my worshippers remain unprepared."
Alex never was one to wait his turn when it came to the procurement of knowledge, and as per usual he felt the need to interject with an inquiry of his own. "You spoke about the so-called 'faithless tribes' like they're dangerous," he began, his expression briefly tightening up as though the term itself was somehow bitter. "Why demonize people who don't worship you?"
"What sort of narcissist do you take me for?" Replied Omnus in monotone displeasure, his gears again churning against each other as he turned over the xenobiologist's question in his analog mind. "Not all tribes who do not follow me are 'faithless'. There are many as-of-yet unconverted groups that Kritivek's people remain on amicable terms with. Faithless is a term first coined by my Chitaan followers to describe a group of particularly brutal raider tribes."
Hearing this, the underlined aggression within Alex's voice fizzled out in favor of grim understanding. Though clearly quite peaceful compared to our own iron age, this civilization nevertheless would naturally have its own barbaric holdouts. "Okay... What makes these Chitaan more dangerous than other raiders?"
"One substantial part of it is their belief system," explained the AI, pausing for a long while as though in recollection. "Their cultural power structure can best be described as an atheistic militaristic gerontocracy. In essence, the faithless believe that rather than gods, the universe is governed by fundamental truths, and that these truths become more apparent as one ages and grows."
On Earth, such a belief system would be relatively innocuous: no more harmful than the average. On a planet like this one, however, on which age turns people into cannibalistic monsters, I could most definitely see the problem. "Let me guess: they worship the mad ones?"
"Correct. The faithless regard mad ones as the wisest beings to exist, and as such seek to emulate their behaviors: cannibalism and animalistic violence chief among them. In their society, the larger one can grow before truly losing their sanity and therefore 'ascending' to the state of a mad one, the more power and respect they are given within society." Another long pause fell over the shrine room as this machine seemed to contemplate before speaking out yet again. "Perhaps I could make you an offer..."
"Let's hear it," Alice shrugged, her husband mirroring the reply with an affirmative nod.
Loud clacking sounds like those of a typewriter rattled out of the console as a sliver of ancient parchment inscribed with what looked to be a map slid out from a previously-unseen paper slot. "This map depicts the local area," explained Omnus. "If you can clear out the faithless ones so that Vevik can bring his child to the bed of revival, I will provide you with assistance in setting up a new colony for your species. Deal?"
Awkwardly plucking the paper from it's resting place and scanning it over with my ancient eyes, I contemplated carefully what this deal might entail. "We'll need to back to the Evandra first. There, we could theoretically thaw out a crew to help clear the place..."
"That will not be an issue," replied Omnus confidently. "I will send battle priests to assist you in your return... Assuming, of course, that we have an agreement?"
"We could definitely use this guy's help!" Alex affirmed, prompting a similar expression of agreement from Alice. Nevertheless, however, I still was the captain, and as such this was my choice.
And with that, I reached out my hand reflexively as though expecting the computer to reach back and shake it. "Deal..."

So last night I was just so irritable, I had many angry thoughts coming from nowhere it felt like since I don’t get them as often anymore, specifically I was having hatred thoughts towards my ex which I thought I had already overcame and was at peace with. I used to run from thoughts like these but been practicing on facing them so I did
During prayer this one was really intense, I was so angry and I wasn’t understanding why really because of how sudden it was, I thought I just had buried emotions or something but by the end of the night aside from the puffy eyes, a headache and runny nose I felt so much better letting it all out and felt at peace again.
Well later today come to find out it’s now that time of the month for me 😐
I know I’m emotional when it comes around that time and it’s a challenge I’m trying to face but this hatred felt so out of control, I tried remembering Bible verses, I tried remembering everything god has said and promised but that anger just threw it out the window and was screaming nothing but hatred and I knew I didn’t want this but I didn’t know what else to do in the moment until I was able to let it out.
Today I feel completely fine and like myself again but is this common? If so is there a way to control it? Because I know if I didn’t have my time to let it out it would’ve just waited until I let it out on someone who provoked me and I’m afraid of that happening since no one deserves that

I've been reading a book that has brought some comfort to me in my time of grief. In that book, it states that deep losses actually make you a more compassionate person unless you were naturally an apathetic person to begin with. I wholehearted agreed with this because a colleague is currently going through similar situation to what happened with my sister and I found myself actively showing up for her more as compared to what I would've done before going through deep grief myself. However, I've had friends who have really disappointed me in this time of grief by simply not being there for me and I'm wondering if if I would be the asshole for not actively being there them should they one day go through grief themselves. I think I'd at least offer my condolences but I don't know if I can do more than that. For context -
I (32F) lost my sister (33F) this year due to a massive stroke which eventually led to a cardiac arrest during her post-op recovery. My sister and I are very close and her death was a very profound loss for me. During the entire time she was in the hospital, I was updating all friend groups to keep my sister in thoughts and prayers to pull through. As my sister went into cardiac arrest while I was there, I was still updating/begging all friend groups to pray for her to pull through.
Context 1: During the entire time from the stroke to the recovery, my friends (2 of them, both 32F) were supportive. They came down for the wake but didn't reach out on the day of the funeral or after. One of them had only reached out a month after my sister's death but it felt insincere. She said things like "sorry for not reaching out, I've been thinking about you but April has been so busy". I don't mean to notice this but I saw that she was very much active on social media in April. However, I totally understand some people do not have the capacity to be there for someone in their grief or to be there when they are not in the right headspace too so I closed an eye for it. I was disappointed but I let it go. Then she asked if I was open to meeting up and I said yes, and then no reply. But on the day itself, she again, posted something on her socials. A few days after that, she reached out to me and said sorry for the late reply, she fell sick over the weekend. At this point, I was really quite done so I took my time to reply that text. The day after that, it was my birthday, and she sent yet another text to wish me and that she'd like to meet me the following week if possible. So I replied and said thanks, but I can't that week, maybe the next. Although I was still disappointed and a little angry, I still wanted to try for this friendship. It's been a few days now, and again, she hasn't replied but she's been posting on her socials. The other friend (32F) in the same friend group hasn't said anything to me at all since she saw me at the wake, and she didn't even greet me happy birthday. It's not like I want to track who or who hasn't wished me and nor was I in the mood to celebrate this year, but I can't help but to notice.
Context 2: the friend who reached out to me but kept ghosting me - she has a younger sister and she is VERY close to her sister. I thought she would've at least understood how that loss must've been for me. The friend who hasn't said anything to me at all, she's not close to her family and she's the kind of friend who never initiates plans, she waits for people to initiate them.
Losing my sister has changed my perspective quite a bit. I don't have the patience for trivial matters or complaints and I definitely sit in the camp of people should reach out to you first cause you might not want to burden them with telling them how heavy your heart is with this grief. But I do understand that not everyone knows what to say or that some think that giving us our space is what we might need. But I've been actively posting about my pain and they've been seeing it, and not one of them has made actual attempts to reach out or to fulfill their intention of meeting with me.

I know there isn’t much out (on reddit) for the BEAR implant and so adding my experience to the mix in case someone finds this helpful. I’m currently ~10 weeks post op, 26F and tore my ACL skiing (ACL only).
I was talked into getting a BEAR vs ACLR by a family member ortho surgeon (who does not do knees) - they thought the technology was awesome and a slow 6 weeks was worth it to keep your own ACL.
The first 4-6 weeks are very very slow. I was PWB mandatory for 4 weeks and did not get off crutches until 5. Then was still wearing the brace 24/7 until I felt comfortable without it around week 8. My extension was always 0° so no issues there, however, BEARs have been shown to be extremely stiff (and this was my experience too). Anything past 45° was a painful painful struggle. Getting to my end range of 120° now sends shooting 10/10 through the back of my knee and down my calf. Additionally, my knee is stiff to bend from 0° to 120°, so it’s not like it’s gotten used to doing all those other degrees everyday. And for additional context, pre-surgery I had full flexion, going to the gym everyday, running - so my body was as prepared as possible for the surgery.
The stiffness and struggles with flexion with BEAR is certainly not the case for all, but for many this has been shown to be an issue (from talking to my PT and anecdotally). I was not at all prepared for the severe level of pain I would need to be in everyday now going on 10 weeks. I wish somebody had given me the full story before I made this decision so hoping this is helpful context to someone out there!
There are pros and cons to each graft method of course, just be prepared if you choose BEAR you may have more trouble than ACLR getting flexion back.

I was a homeschooled only child, raised in a QAnon/conspiracy theorist household. It was just a recipe for disaster, and I’ve slowly been trying to put the pieces together to figure things out.
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd wearing a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but we’re still Facebook friends and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on dates with 5 men, and didn’t make it past a second date with any of them. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
I don’t know if this is from trauma, but I don’t feel attraction to most guys in real life. I know I’m straight because I definitely have a type in my head. Kind hearted, athletic and muscular but not overly so, fluffy hair and just cuddly and sweet gentle and wholesome. I feel shallow that I’m mostly only attracted to that, but I can’t help it.
I just don’t feel safe with meeting new people, fearing that I’ll accidentally bring someone damaging into my life that I can’t get rid of. Someone who doesn’t have the best intentions, and I struggle to hurt feelings by turning people down. What if we do get into a relationship, and I find out he has a belief that’s a deal breaker for me? I’m afraid I’ll temporarily tolerate something that will inevitably lead to us separating, but I’m too spineless to end things when I should. It’s mostly because I don’t know how to say no, but also because I’d fear landing back at square one, single and alone.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
Most of my prayers now are an endless cycle of “please forgive me, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I don’t feel like praying but I promise I still love You.” I feel awful saying this because I know it’s not true but I do feel unloved sometimes. Like I feel like I’m annoying Jesus somehow when I babble on about whatever thing I’m distraught about. But if I go through the default prayer order of Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and THEN finally Supplication, it feels insincere. I don’t want to speed through worshipful prayers just to get to the part I really feel like doing, begging for some sort of help. But I feel almost obligated to essentially suck up to God first before saying what I really mean. That doesn’t feel like a real honest relationship to me and it’s a rut I’ve been desperate to get out of.
Every January 1st and every birthday, for probably the past good 5 or 6 years, I’ve started a “One Year Bible” plan that I always end up abandoning after like 10 days. I just can’t stick to it. It’s not even strictly Genesis-Revelation order. It sprinkles in some chapters from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs every day, and each day takes maybe 15 minutes max to do. But somehow I always miss a day, then never catch up, saying I’ll try again the next “landmark day,” January 1st or my birthday, whichever comes next. I don’t know why I can’t love reading scripture. I want to so badly, but I don’t crave it unless I’ve had a nightmare and I need something to calm me down. It’s not a daily desire for me and I wish it was.
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted any and everything I was told, and it created a clueless, confused adult.

I figured while I'm here with another post, I'll drop this here too.
Long story short, I had a lumbar puncture, that wasn't deemed medically necessary, it was just to check if a previous STI infection that had been closed-out for many years, without an increase in antibodies, had potential to go to my brain.
I went from promising career, that I had just reached the highest level in (it only took 6 years to get there), in the greatest shape of my life, physically and mentally, to losing 90% of my strength, I have daily severe migraines, I have numerous health effects/disorders/diseases that were previously not active which I deal with on regular basis now, I can barely even do my job any more because of the extreme strain on my spine I experience daily, and I still cannot get help for anything. It's been almost 4 years.
I'm currently at the point where I am thinking about retiring my career (I'm not even 40 yet), but I can't afford to survive without the income. If you come across my other recent post, it just adds to this.
For reference, post-surgery I had a CSF (cerebral spinal fluid) leak, that didn't get patched for 6 weeks because I literally could not get help or could not reach my doctors or surgeon that had performed my surgery. No one was available the entire time. The people I made contact with told me to drink water, that's it.
During this time, I had a spinal headache for 6 weeks, which is when your brain basically sags because it doesn't have support from your spinal fluid inside your skull. A single day of this is an excruciating nightmare, I went through 6 weeks of not being to stand VERTICALLY, I had to walk around like I was doing the effing limbo everywhere.
If I lift my head up, it was like I was literally on a rollercoaster going 100mph, I would go LITERALLY, completely, mentally retarded, and my brain would stop working. During this time it was like someone was sledgehammering my brain and sticking sharp needles into my eyeballs while my body would randomly convulse and I lost all motor my function.
Laying down, or being bed-ridden, is like experiencing an grand mal migraine, compared to above, this was literally Nirvana. It was like I was on ecstasy every time I laid down because I was in so much pain.
Fast track to probably my 30th ER trip in the 6 weeks I was bed-ridden, I finally got a doctor that realized how serious my condition was and was so astonished I was actually still alive after being in such extreme pain completely unmedicated. He administered an on-the-spot epidural blood patch, and I went from wanting to be dead to a severe migraine.
This severe migraine state is my every day life now. Post-Blood Patch, I experienced a 100-day severe migraine before I could speak to a Neurologist and get an MRI, which now is treated with quarterly botox, which I got my Neurologist, who I am blacklisted with due to a missed connection.
Before I was blacklisted, I inquired about my migraines being a symptom of my problems, and the real problem was my spine, which basically degrades on a regular basis. I'm extremely prone to injuries, muscle tears, extreme joint pain, sciatica, you name it. He didn't think it was any big deal and closed my file before he blacklisted me.
Now I'm writing this as I'm on my last legs of my career (currently recovering from another bout of sciatica which I have to cover expenses for out of pocket), I'm hoping I might have some legs to stand on since the medical system in Canada has completely failed me?
(If you have no intention of helping or offering me real advice, can you kindly fuck off? I'm looking actual legal advice not random shitposts)

I just got back from my first semester of college and my life came crashing down. My brother outed me as trans to my incredibly unsupportive parents. I won’t hear my chosen name until I’m back on campus, and even then only a few people will know it. I get misgendered every day. I have DDs that a binder can’t hide and no money for hormones or surgery, and I don’t pass at all between my high voice and my body, no matter how masculine I dress. I can’t stop eating. I had a very early miscarriage last winter — right after I lost my virginity to a complete stranger — and nobody knows. The due date would have been my best friend’s birthday in the fall, and I know I’ll have to fake a smile for him. He’s also in love with another one of my friends who doesn’t like him back and he won’t talk about anything else. He doesn’t give two shits about me — he just wants me to set him up with my other friend and if I can’t do that, I’m good for nothing. He also used to be my drinking buddy until I quit a month ago and now he thinks I’m worthless because I’m apparently only fun when I’m drunk and helpless. I was groped right in front of him at a party and he did nothing because he was crossfaded and just laughed it off and offered me a shot, then grabbed my arm and dragged me off to the next party. I just wanted him to let me breathe. He won’t acknowledge that what he did was wrong and when I mention it, he claims that it was probably an accident. I know my body, and I know that the grab was far too intentional and far too drawn out to be an accident. My family has cut me off from friends back home and I live too far from the school friends who aren’t pieces of shit to run off with any of them without weeks of planning and the risk that they can track me through my phone or the other tracking devices they’ve had installed. I spent most of this year in this codependent friendship with a senior, and now that she’s graduated, I feel so alone. This is going to sound super cliche because it’s a freshman-senior friendship and I promise that this has nothing to do with anything they said or did, but no one’s ever gotten me as much as they have. Even if I made it to next year, it’s not like I’ll see her. My school is ultra-conservative and understandably, they’re running for the hills, and I don’t ever want to stop them from doing that. I feel like if I tell someone what’s going on, I’ll either drag them down or they’ll just ridicule me, and even if I do, not much is going to change. I don’t have access to the money I’ve earned over the years, and starting from what little I have saved up isn’t feasible. I wouldn’t be able to buy my way out, and I don’t have people who would be willing and able to help me get on my feet. Even if I do, it’s only a matter of time before I’m back where I started, and every time I’m back here, it gets harder to adjust. I lose my temper way too easily, and being without my friends gets isolating even after a few days. I only got home four days ago and I already feel hopeless about the long wait until summer’s over. I see every stretch I’m back on campus as a countdown now; in the fall, everything was so new and exciting that I could forget that I ever had to leave, but after a major fallout over winter break, I just couldn’t feel like I was really back. My grades tanked, so now I don’t think I can catch up and finish strong. I would be a cordless graduate without much to show for it except a fucked-up liver and a couple of embarrassing stories I don’t even remember. That’s how people would remember me. At my funeral, they’ll talk about how I was down for anything, how I slept with a stranger during finals week, how I drank 9 shots in 15 minutes and didn’t throw up. I won’t care. I’ll be dead. I’m not leaving behind much of a legacy, but I don’t see much of a future if I’ll never be financially independent. I can never transition, never feel like a real man, never stop dissociating. I can’t hold a friendship, so what makes me think I’ll be able to hold a romantic relationship? I’m probably going to kill myself at 30, so what’s the fuss about doing it at 19? Same shit, different day.

So I was raised in a very controlling and kind of abusive environment, this lead to me basically crashing once I was out on my own. I didn't have any direction or "real reason" to be harsh on myself after so many years of harshness. I've spent the last few years working on my college degree, gaining workplace experience and working on therapy. However, now I realize that I need to crack down on myself of I will never make it anywhere in life.
I need to work on my career, gaining experience/training in a different field so once I move I have better prospects
Financially I need to figure out how to budget with my income being so screwy and inconsistent, save for my surgery and to move
I need to clean up my eating, due to having financial issues and laziness I don't eat much healthy stuff, relying on prepackaged stuff and snacks. Unfortunately this means my diet is mostly carbs and nowhere near enough protein
I need to start working out regularly, lifting plus starting a couch to 5k program. I'm wanting to join a gym and get a personal trainer but I don't know if I can work that into my budget.
I have specific goals for each of these categories which break them down even further, but this is just an overview. I know the general advice to start small, pick one little thing and implement it, then move on to the next. But historically that has never worked for me, when I make big changes I have to go pretty much all in or progress doesn't get made, I'm a very all or nothing kind of guy.
Basically id love some advice on how to go about this or someone who can chat with me a little and help me make a plan/schedule/timeline for building this new, better, lifestyle

My living situation is something equivocal to a telenovela. I live with my ex, and two other roommates. One of them is MIA because I called her out on not showering for WEEKS on end, making a mess everywhere, making the house smell bad, sleeping on the couch and making that also reek of BO. She has left dirty underwear on the couch and the list goes on, but thankfully she is gone.
My ex is now my best friend and we get along really well now. I am seeing someone else and he is totally cool with it - they get along really well and it’s really cool.
My MAIN issue for this post is this roommate who is a COMPLETE thorn in my side. My ex and I are both at Witt’s end with him. He lies about EVERYTHING. He lies about things that don’t matter at all. He lies so often that they don’t match up with the lies he has told other people. He is always about himself and is beyond selfish. His cat needed surgery and the first thing he did when he walked into the pet ER after seeing the initial quote was “I cannot afford that, let’s take him and go home” this was after hours of me literally nurturing this poor kitten as much as I could. The veterinary staff was explaining to him all of the financial options and that there are resources out there to help cover costs. He kept cutting the staff off with his nonsense. Eventually my ex and I had to convince him to fill out an application for discounted services. The application was estimated to take about 45 minutes and all he did the entire time was sigh and complain about how “hard it was” and “he is stressed” which was beyond irritating. Moreover, the kitten got surgery and is doing very well now! I ended up doing most of the medication administration and aftercare. Which I only did because it was an animal in need and I am not a monster.
His sister got a major surgery - he didn’t check in on her. He did, however, call her and ask for a ride the day after her procedure. Their brother flew in from across the country to assist in the care of their sister and he hadn’t made an effort to see him for over a month.
He eats all the food. Literally all of it. Anything that I get for food I have to hide in my room because otherwise he’ll get too stoned and eat it all. He also expects me or another roommate to cook for him. He doesn’t directly say it, but insinuates it with his words.
He has sexually assaulted myself and another roommate while he was extremely intoxicated and claims to have no recollection of it. He is very creepy with girls and says things that are very disturbing. He says borderline homophobic, racist and misogynistic comments regularly. I also am starting to believe that he may be a bit of a pædophile with some of his comments about the age of consent being lowered.
He thinks he has his family to support him.
I have been in contact with his siblings and mother. Yes, I am his roommate and I acquired the numbers of his family from them. They reached out to me and provided me their information when we first moved in together - which I should have seen that red flag immediately. He has sexually assaulted his sister’s partner in front of the entire family because he was too drunk with the premise of “you really want a man and I look like my sister, so you want me” so, clearly he cannot stay with them. His brother has had it with him and loves him from a distance - so to speak. Their mother moved into a 55+ community to ensure that he can’t stay with her. She is a mom and well, loves her son, but is also fed up. He has done some VERY questionable acts in the past. Things including taking medication from seniors in a senior living facility and selling them / taking them to get high, drinking and driving regularly - to the point where he got in a car accident (which the story about that changed like 5x as well) without car insurance and had to pay for it all out of pocket just to get drunk a few days after getting his car repaired and drove home. He has also struggled with addiction most of his life. Normally I would be understanding of that, however, he takes no accountability nor does he even think that anything is wrong - he’ll acknowledge his addictions, but sees nothing wrong with it. He can’t deal with life sober at all.
He lies about everything. It’s so often that it’s hard to tell reality from fable. We try and find nice things about him, but honestly with how consistently he lies and does questionable acts it is very difficult to oversee all of that.
I could go on and on about how this guy lives and drives me up a wall.
Our lease is up in a few months. I am very much so aware of the fact that he has nowhere to go. OH! He also got an eviction notice from a previous landlord shortly after we got approved for our current apartment. That basically solidifies the fact that he has nowhere to go.
I need roommates to fill the spaces. He also has kittens that I am actually fearful for their future care because of his blatant negligence for life. He makes money to pay rent, but is an absolute nightmare.
I am in a pickle.
SOS lol 🤦🏼‍♂️

23 F Somali, Canadian if I’m getting to know you it’s strictly has to be halal way with mahram involved. Serious guys only.
I’m looking for someone who shares my commitment to our deen and has high aspirations in their religious journey. I enjoy seeking knowledge and attending lessons daily, and I plan to continue this after marriage. I'm considering moving to a Muslim country next year, so it would be great if my future husband is open to that possibility. I'm currently a student, so moving might be a bit tricky for now. I dress according to shariah and like to be adventurous within the bounds of our faith.
I'm looking for someone who is also deen-oriented, puts Allah first, and has a good relationship with the Quran. Financial stable and responsible has stable job, university would be ideally but not dealbreaker. Someone with good character and manners. Ideally, he should attend lessons and be connected to the masjid, with some of his prayers performed there. I'm open to someone who has been divorced ( no kids but has to be healed from it or never married.
Preferably from someone from the West & strictly North America. Hijra is must for me as I have plans to seek knowledge upon the Quran and sunnah from the scholars in shaa Allah. Plus I don’t see myself raising my children in the West in Shaa Allah
also someone who hasn’t had past in haram way, lowers his gaze from the opposite gender, doesn’t have social media presence ( since I don’t it’s only right) doesn’t free mixing willingly unless it’s out of necessity. Nice smile, good teeth, takes care of his hygiene and his appearance, doesn’t smoke

I (28F) suffer from abdominal burning post Vertical sleeve gastrectomy operation and there is no indication as to why.
In October 2021, I had vertical sleeve gastrectomy and hiatal hernia repair ( despite the hiatal hernia, I never had reflux issues prior to surgery). My recovery went fairly well and I’ve had great success with the surgery (losing over 100 lbs). A few months post op, I was noticing a burning that occurred from my sternum and down to my stomach. I just thought it was something that happened with the surgery, being that my stomach was healing. I often combatted this burning with crackers or other foods that seemed to “absorb” the “acid” in my abdomen at the time. I even had a hard time drinking water as opposed to other drinks. This burning continued. I was prescribed omeprazole and carafate. At the onset of burning , I’d take the liquid carafate and it would alleviate the burning immediately. Fast forward to March 2022, I was having an extreme attack on my abdomen the burning was non stop, nothing I did helped, I felt like I was having a hard attack. The hospital tried everything, finally after almost 24 hours of not eating anything but ice chips, it subsided. They thought it may be my gallbladder and did a scan. Everything came back clear. they really didn’t have answers and discharged me. I went and did extensive testing with another bariatric group which found that everything was okay with my bloodwork. I was told to take a probiotic and that my stomach flora may have changed due to the surgery. That wasn’t helpful. I saw a gastroenterologist. She did multiple tests and biopsies of my stomach, as well as an endoscopy to check if anything looked wrong. There was absolutely nothing, not even an indication of GERD in any of the testing. I had a liver panel test, a Doppler on my liver, etc (this was May of 2022). For the remainder of the year I just continued eating at the onset of burning because when I was “hungry” the burning would appear but it happened often so I just snacked throughout the day. Fast forward to July of 2023. I started Lo loestrin, a birth control. After a few weeks of taking it, I realized the burning was no longer an issue for me. I was able to go long stretches without eating and didn’t have to worry about the burning ruining my day or interfering with anything I had going on. April 14, 2024, I was taken off my birth control because I was having surgery and it posed a risk for blood clots, following that I started my menstrual cycle, a few days after that, the burning has returned and has continued to affect me daily. It’s a struggle to even drink water. Part of me feels like this is hormonal, especially because it’s worst during my menstrual cycle and has come back & is uncontrollable after stopping birth control. Does anyone know what’s wrong or has anyone experienced this or know someone who has? I hope to get another endoscopy this year to see if anything has changed or if anything has progressed that they couldn’t catch before, especially because it was so early on after my surgery.

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
Readings:
Psalm 105:1–22 Zechariah 4
Gospel: Matthew 9:1–8
1 And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.
2 And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.
3 And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.
4 And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
5For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?
6But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
7 And he arose, and departed to his house.
8 But when the multitudes saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.
Commentary:
“And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.” (v. 1) Here in these verses, we find a strange if not ironic comparison. On the one side we have those that find his miracles awe inspiring, or as we find in verse 8 where Matthew states in reference to the multitude following and who had witnessed Jesus’ miracles: “theymarvelled, and glorified God.” And on the other hand we see those who hate Jesus, because he dares to upset the status quo that they so coveted.
At the end of the previous chapter, Matthew tells us of his version of Jesus exorcising demons from two men (other Gospels only mention one) on the coast of the Sea of Galilee nearGadarene.As you recall fromother studies, Jesus cast out the demons, who then fled from him, entering into a herd of swine, causing the pigs to run into the sea and drown. The citizens ofGadarenes—upset at the loss of theirswine—asked Jesus to leave. Which brings us toour first verse for today inwhichMatthewtells usJesusagain crossed over the Sea tohis own city,Capernaum;where:
“And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 2-3)
“they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed” Other Gospels explain how the man was brought to Jesus. Because of the crowds, his friends lowered him down to Jesus througha hole inthe roof.
“Jesus’ miracles were not primarily calculated for crowd effect. Instead they were primarily done to minister to the humble needs of humble people. For the most part, most Jewish people of that time would have preferred much more spectacular signs – like calling down fire from heaven upon a Roman Legion.” (Guzik)
“and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy” Jesus was impressed by the faith of the friends of this man. The phrase: “seeing their faith” demonstrates that their faith was so great that they carried this man through the crowds to bring him before Jesus. Again in the other Gospels, (Mark 2:1-12, Luke 5:17-26) we find that their faith was so great, that their belief that Jesus could heal their friend was so strong that when they could not press through the multitude gathered outside, they carried him up onto the roof of the house in which Jesus was in at the time, they tore a hole in the roof and lowered the man down into the midst of the gathering who had come to hear Jesus speak.
We also can assume that the paralyzed man himself had little faith; as Matthew emphasizes “seeing their faith” in that Jesus noted the faith of his friends, not the man with palsy. Therefore it appears that Jesus wanted to encourage this man’s faith by His next words.
“Son, be of good cheer” “With swift sure diagnosis Jesus sees in the man not faith but deep depression…and uttering first a kindly hope-inspiring word, such as a physician might address to a patient: cheer up, child!” (Bruce)
“thy sins be forgiven thee.” “The faith of the paralyzed man’s friends did something – they brought this man to Jesus. Yet they only thought of bringing him to Jesus for the healing of his body. They certainly didn’t think that Jesus would forgive His sins.” (Guzik)
We need not infer that the man was paralyzed as the direct result of some sin that needed forgiving. This did not seem to be Jesus’ point in saying, “your sins are forgiven you.”
Matthew Poole saw six reasons why Jesus dealt with the man’s sin first. To paraphrase Poole’s reasons why the sin was dealt with first:

1. Because sin is the root from which all our evils come.
2. To show that forgiveness is more important than bodily healing.
3. To show that the most important thing Jesus came to do was to deal with sin.
4. To show that when a man’s sins are forgiven, he becomes a son of God.
5. To show that the response to faith is the forgiveness of sin.
6. To begin an important conversation with the scribes and Pharisees.

Those in the crowd who felt they were the keepers of the Law, took offense at Jesus—someone many of them knew had resided in their city for some time—and to them what they perceived as Jesus taking upon himself, an authority reserved for God.
“And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 3)
“They said within themselves, in their hearts, among themselves, in their secret whisperings, This man blasphemeth. See how the greatest instance of heaven's power and grace is branded with the blackest note of hell's enmity; Christ's pardoning sin is termed blasphemy; nor had it been less, if he had not had commission from God for it. They, therefore, are guilty of blasphemy, that have no such commission, and yet pretend to pardon sin.” (Henry)
“certain of the scribes” Not all but a select few; “said within themselves” They didn’t have the courage to speak aloud their treasonous thoughts, which exposedtheir irrational belief that Jesus is but a man, one of their own,Jesushaving spent an indeterminate period of time in Capernaumbefore beginning his ministry.
In John chapter three, verse 2, Nicodemus the Pharisee came under cover of night so that his peers would not see him conversing with Jesus, and he said, “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him. ”Itshould have been evident, that no mortal man could do the miraculous healings that Jesus did, unless he be sent by God.Nicodemus and presumably others were not so blind that they could not see that Jesus had authority given to him by God, but yet these scribes in Capernaum chose to ignore the obvious and focus on what they perceived to be an infraction of the Law.
While the friends of the sick man had a great deal of faith, enough to touch the heart of Jesus, the scribes had no faith, and could not see something as obvious as Jesus having authority given him by God to heal and to forgive sins. No, they had to be showed the divinity of Christ.
“ He undertakes to make out, that the Son of man, the Mediator, has power on earth to forgive sins; for therefore the Father has committed all judgment to the Son, and has given him this authority, because he is the Son of man, Jn. 5:22, 27. If he has power to give eternal life, as he certainly has (Jn. 17:2), he must have power to forgive sin; for guilt is a bar that must be removed, or we can never get to heaven. What an encouragement is this to poor sinners to repent, that the power of pardoning sin is put into the hands of the Son of man, who is bone of our bone! And if he had this power on earth, much more now that he is exalted to the Father's right hand, to give repentance and remission of sins, and so to be both a Prince and a Saviour,” (Henry)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.” (vs. 4-6)
“How he proves it, by his power in the kingdom of nature; his power to cure diseases. Is it not as easy to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee, as to say, Arise and walk? He that can cure the disease, whether declaratively as a Prophet, or authoritatively as God, can, in like manner, forgive the sin. Now, This is a general argument to prove that Christ had a divine mission. His miracles, especially his miraculous cures, confirm what he said of himself, that he was the Son of God; the power that appeared in his cures proved him sent of God; and the pity that appeared in them proved him sent of God to heal and save. The God of truth would not set his seal to a lie.” (Ibid)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughtsWherefore think ye evil in your hearts?” This alone should have told them they where in the presence of someone with great power and authority.
“For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?” “Both healing and forgiveness are impossible with man. Yet only the promise of healing could be immediately proven, because though you can’t see someone’s sin being forgiven, you can see that they are healed.” (Guzik)
“This appears to have been founded on Psalm 103:3. Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, and healeth all thy diseases. Here pardon precedes health.” (Clarke)
“But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins” Regarding which is easier to say, “Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk” Jesus answered His own question before the religious leaders did. Since He could make good on His claim to heal the man, it gave proof of His claim to also have the authority to forgive sins.If he had the Godly power to heal, then logically he must also have the power to forgive sins.
“And he arose, and departed to his house. But when the multitudes saw it, they marveled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.” (vs. 7-8) At the man’s healing, the crowd properly gave God the glory for this miracle. Jesus obviously did not draw attention to Himself by the manner in which the healing was done.
At the beginning of this study, we mentioned how the men of Gadarene, were upset that Jesus had exorcised the demons and those entities drove the herd of swine mad and they ran into the sea. These men seemed obvious to the fact that Jesus had cured the possessed men, something an ordinary man could not do. Likewise the scribes of Capernium were oblivious to the many healings Jesus had done, acts that only God could do, and they chose to focus on Jesus having pronounced the sick man’s sins forgiven. However while the men of Gadarene and the scribes of Capernium ignored the divinity of Jesus, we see the people in awe and worshiping God, for having sent his own into their midst.
In the beginning of his Gospel John makes the case in an eloquent and poetic prose that Jesus was with God from the beginning of time, a part of God. Here we see Matthew attempting to make the same argument by illustrating how Jesus demonstrated his divinity and authority by healing and forgiving sins; again obvious acts that only God could authorize.
“ Note, All our wonder should help to enlarge our hearts in glorifying God, who alone does marvellous things. They glorified God for what he had done for this poor man. Others' mercies should be our praises, and we should give him thanks for them, for we are members one of another. God must be glorified in all the power that is given to men to do good.” (Henry)Benediction
Everliving God, whose will it is that all should come to you through your Son Jesus Christ: Inspire our witness to him, that all may know the power of his forgiveness and the hope of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
Prayer is the risen Jesus coming in with His resurrection power, given free rein in our lives, and then using His authority to enter any situation and change things.

• Ole Hallesby

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
Readings:
Psalm 105:1–22 Zechariah 4
Gospel: Matthew 9:1–8
1 And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.
2 And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.
3 And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.
4 And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
5For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?
6But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
7 And he arose, and departed to his house.
8 But when the multitudes saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.
Commentary:
“And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.” (v. 1) Here in these verses, we find a strange if not ironic comparison. On the one side we have those that find his miracles awe inspiring, or as we find in verse 8 where Matthew states in reference to the multitude following and who had witnessed Jesus’ miracles: “theymarvelled, and glorified God.” And on the other hand we see those who hate Jesus, because he dares to upset the status quo that they so coveted.
At the end of the previous chapter, Matthew tells us of his version of Jesus exorcising demons from two men (other Gospels only mention one) on the coast of the Sea of Galilee nearGadarene.As you recall fromother studies, Jesus cast out the demons, who then fled from him, entering into a herd of swine, causing the pigs to run into the sea and drown. The citizens ofGadarenes—upset at the loss of theirswine—asked Jesus to leave. Which brings us toour first verse for today inwhichMatthewtells usJesusagain crossed over the Sea tohis own city,Capernaum;where:
“And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 2-3)
“they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed” Other Gospels explain how the man was brought to Jesus. Because of the crowds, his friends lowered him down to Jesus througha hole inthe roof.
“Jesus’ miracles were not primarily calculated for crowd effect. Instead they were primarily done to minister to the humble needs of humble people. For the most part, most Jewish people of that time would have preferred much more spectacular signs – like calling down fire from heaven upon a Roman Legion.” (Guzik)
“and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy” Jesus was impressed by the faith of the friends of this man. The phrase: “seeing their faith” demonstrates that their faith was so great that they carried this man through the crowds to bring him before Jesus. Again in the other Gospels, (Mark 2:1-12, Luke 5:17-26) we find that their faith was so great, that their belief that Jesus could heal their friend was so strong that when they could not press through the multitude gathered outside, they carried him up onto the roof of the house in which Jesus was in at the time, they tore a hole in the roof and lowered the man down into the midst of the gathering who had come to hear Jesus speak.
We also can assume that the paralyzed man himself had little faith; as Matthew emphasizes “seeing their faith” in that Jesus noted the faith of his friends, not the man with palsy. Therefore it appears that Jesus wanted to encourage this man’s faith by His next words.
“Son, be of good cheer” “With swift sure diagnosis Jesus sees in the man not faith but deep depression…and uttering first a kindly hope-inspiring word, such as a physician might address to a patient: cheer up, child!” (Bruce)
“thy sins be forgiven thee.” “The faith of the paralyzed man’s friends did something – they brought this man to Jesus. Yet they only thought of bringing him to Jesus for the healing of his body. They certainly didn’t think that Jesus would forgive His sins.” (Guzik)
We need not infer that the man was paralyzed as the direct result of some sin that needed forgiving. This did not seem to be Jesus’ point in saying, “your sins are forgiven you.”
Matthew Poole saw six reasons why Jesus dealt with the man’s sin first. To paraphrase Poole’s reasons why the sin was dealt with first:

1. Because sin is the root from which all our evils come.
2. To show that forgiveness is more important than bodily healing.
3. To show that the most important thing Jesus came to do was to deal with sin.
4. To show that when a man’s sins are forgiven, he becomes a son of God.
5. To show that the response to faith is the forgiveness of sin.
6. To begin an important conversation with the scribes and Pharisees.

Those in the crowd who felt they were the keepers of the Law, took offense at Jesus—someone many of them knew had resided in their city for some time—and to them what they perceived as Jesus taking upon himself, an authority reserved for God.
“And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 3)
“They said within themselves, in their hearts, among themselves, in their secret whisperings, This man blasphemeth. See how the greatest instance of heaven's power and grace is branded with the blackest note of hell's enmity; Christ's pardoning sin is termed blasphemy; nor had it been less, if he had not had commission from God for it. They, therefore, are guilty of blasphemy, that have no such commission, and yet pretend to pardon sin.” (Henry)
“certain of the scribes” Not all but a select few; “said within themselves” They didn’t have the courage to speak aloud their treasonous thoughts, which exposedtheir irrational belief that Jesus is but a man, one of their own,Jesushaving spent an indeterminate period of time in Capernaumbefore beginning his ministry.
In John chapter three, verse 2, Nicodemus the Pharisee came under cover of night so that his peers would not see him conversing with Jesus, and he said, “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him. ”Itshould have been evident, that no mortal man could do the miraculous healings that Jesus did, unless he be sent by God.Nicodemus and presumably others were not so blind that they could not see that Jesus had authority given to him by God, but yet these scribes in Capernaum chose to ignore the obvious and focus on what they perceived to be an infraction of the Law.
While the friends of the sick man had a great deal of faith, enough to touch the heart of Jesus, the scribes had no faith, and could not see something as obvious as Jesus having authority given him by God to heal and to forgive sins. No, they had to be showed the divinity of Christ.
“ He undertakes to make out, that the Son of man, the Mediator, has power on earth to forgive sins; for therefore the Father has committed all judgment to the Son, and has given him this authority, because he is the Son of man, Jn. 5:22, 27. If he has power to give eternal life, as he certainly has (Jn. 17:2), he must have power to forgive sin; for guilt is a bar that must be removed, or we can never get to heaven. What an encouragement is this to poor sinners to repent, that the power of pardoning sin is put into the hands of the Son of man, who is bone of our bone! And if he had this power on earth, much more now that he is exalted to the Father's right hand, to give repentance and remission of sins, and so to be both a Prince and a Saviour,” (Henry)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.” (vs. 4-6)
“How he proves it, by his power in the kingdom of nature; his power to cure diseases. Is it not as easy to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee, as to say, Arise and walk? He that can cure the disease, whether declaratively as a Prophet, or authoritatively as God, can, in like manner, forgive the sin. Now, This is a general argument to prove that Christ had a divine mission. His miracles, especially his miraculous cures, confirm what he said of himself, that he was the Son of God; the power that appeared in his cures proved him sent of God; and the pity that appeared in them proved him sent of God to heal and save. The God of truth would not set his seal to a lie.” (Ibid)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughtsWherefore think ye evil in your hearts?” This alone should have told them they where in the presence of someone with great power and authority.
“For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?” “Both healing and forgiveness are impossible with man. Yet only the promise of healing could be immediately proven, because though you can’t see someone’s sin being forgiven, you can see that they are healed.” (Guzik)
“This appears to have been founded on Psalm 103:3. Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, and healeth all thy diseases. Here pardon precedes health.” (Clarke)
“But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins” Regarding which is easier to say, “Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk” Jesus answered His own question before the religious leaders did. Since He could make good on His claim to heal the man, it gave proof of His claim to also have the authority to forgive sins.If he had the Godly power to heal, then logically he must also have the power to forgive sins.
“And he arose, and departed to his house. But when the multitudes saw it, they marveled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.” (vs. 7-8) At the man’s healing, the crowd properly gave God the glory for this miracle. Jesus obviously did not draw attention to Himself by the manner in which the healing was done.
At the beginning of this study, we mentioned how the men of Gadarene, were upset that Jesus had exorcised the demons and those entities drove the herd of swine mad and they ran into the sea. These men seemed obvious to the fact that Jesus had cured the possessed men, something an ordinary man could not do. Likewise the scribes of Capernium were oblivious to the many healings Jesus had done, acts that only God could do, and they chose to focus on Jesus having pronounced the sick man’s sins forgiven. However while the men of Gadarene and the scribes of Capernium ignored the divinity of Jesus, we see the people in awe and worshiping God, for having sent his own into their midst.
In the beginning of his Gospel John makes the case in an eloquent and poetic prose that Jesus was with God from the beginning of time, a part of God. Here we see Matthew attempting to make the same argument by illustrating how Jesus demonstrated his divinity and authority by healing and forgiving sins; again obvious acts that only God could authorize.
“ Note, All our wonder should help to enlarge our hearts in glorifying God, who alone does marvellous things. They glorified God for what he had done for this poor man. Others' mercies should be our praises, and we should give him thanks for them, for we are members one of another. God must be glorified in all the power that is given to men to do good.” (Henry)Benediction
Everliving God, whose will it is that all should come to you through your Son Jesus Christ: Inspire our witness to him, that all may know the power of his forgiveness and the hope of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
Prayer is the risen Jesus coming in with His resurrection power, given free rein in our lives, and then using His authority to enter any situation and change things.

• Ole Hallesby

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
Readings:
Psalm 105:1–22 Zechariah 4
Gospel: Matthew 9:1–8
1 And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.
2 And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.
3 And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.
4 And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
5For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?
6But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
7 And he arose, and departed to his house.
8 But when the multitudes saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.
Commentary:
“And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.” (v. 1) Here in these verses, we find a strange if not ironic comparison. On the one side we have those that find his miracles awe inspiring, or as we find in verse 8 where Matthew states in reference to the multitude following and who had witnessed Jesus’ miracles: “theymarvelled, and glorified God.” And on the other hand we see those who hate Jesus, because he dares to upset the status quo that they so coveted.
At the end of the previous chapter, Matthew tells us of his version of Jesus exorcising demons from two men (other Gospels only mention one) on the coast of the Sea of Galilee nearGadarene.As you recall fromother studies, Jesus cast out the demons, who then fled from him, entering into a herd of swine, causing the pigs to run into the sea and drown. The citizens ofGadarenes—upset at the loss of theirswine—asked Jesus to leave. Which brings us toour first verse for today inwhichMatthewtells usJesusagain crossed over the Sea tohis own city,Capernaum;where:
“And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 2-3)
“they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed” Other Gospels explain how the man was brought to Jesus. Because of the crowds, his friends lowered him down to Jesus througha hole inthe roof.
“Jesus’ miracles were not primarily calculated for crowd effect. Instead they were primarily done to minister to the humble needs of humble people. For the most part, most Jewish people of that time would have preferred much more spectacular signs – like calling down fire from heaven upon a Roman Legion.” (Guzik)
“and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy” Jesus was impressed by the faith of the friends of this man. The phrase: “seeing their faith” demonstrates that their faith was so great that they carried this man through the crowds to bring him before Jesus. Again in the other Gospels, (Mark 2:1-12, Luke 5:17-26) we find that their faith was so great, that their belief that Jesus could heal their friend was so strong that when they could not press through the multitude gathered outside, they carried him up onto the roof of the house in which Jesus was in at the time, they tore a hole in the roof and lowered the man down into the midst of the gathering who had come to hear Jesus speak.
We also can assume that the paralyzed man himself had little faith; as Matthew emphasizes “seeing their faith” in that Jesus noted the faith of his friends, not the man with palsy. Therefore it appears that Jesus wanted to encourage this man’s faith by His next words.
“Son, be of good cheer” “With swift sure diagnosis Jesus sees in the man not faith but deep depression…and uttering first a kindly hope-inspiring word, such as a physician might address to a patient: cheer up, child!” (Bruce)
“thy sins be forgiven thee.” “The faith of the paralyzed man’s friends did something – they brought this man to Jesus. Yet they only thought of bringing him to Jesus for the healing of his body. They certainly didn’t think that Jesus would forgive His sins.” (Guzik)
We need not infer that the man was paralyzed as the direct result of some sin that needed forgiving. This did not seem to be Jesus’ point in saying, “your sins are forgiven you.”
Matthew Poole saw six reasons why Jesus dealt with the man’s sin first. To paraphrase Poole’s reasons why the sin was dealt with first:

1. Because sin is the root from which all our evils come.
2. To show that forgiveness is more important than bodily healing.
3. To show that the most important thing Jesus came to do was to deal with sin.
4. To show that when a man’s sins are forgiven, he becomes a son of God.
5. To show that the response to faith is the forgiveness of sin.
6. To begin an important conversation with the scribes and Pharisees.

Those in the crowd who felt they were the keepers of the Law, took offense at Jesus—someone many of them knew had resided in their city for some time—and to them what they perceived as Jesus taking upon himself, an authority reserved for God.
“And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 3)
“They said within themselves, in their hearts, among themselves, in their secret whisperings, This man blasphemeth. See how the greatest instance of heaven's power and grace is branded with the blackest note of hell's enmity; Christ's pardoning sin is termed blasphemy; nor had it been less, if he had not had commission from God for it. They, therefore, are guilty of blasphemy, that have no such commission, and yet pretend to pardon sin.” (Henry)
“certain of the scribes” Not all but a select few; “said within themselves” They didn’t have the courage to speak aloud their treasonous thoughts, which exposedtheir irrational belief that Jesus is but a man, one of their own,Jesushaving spent an indeterminate period of time in Capernaumbefore beginning his ministry.
In John chapter three, verse 2, Nicodemus the Pharisee came under cover of night so that his peers would not see him conversing with Jesus, and he said, “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him. ”Itshould have been evident, that no mortal man could do the miraculous healings that Jesus did, unless he be sent by God.Nicodemus and presumably others were not so blind that they could not see that Jesus had authority given to him by God, but yet these scribes in Capernaum chose to ignore the obvious and focus on what they perceived to be an infraction of the Law.
While the friends of the sick man had a great deal of faith, enough to touch the heart of Jesus, the scribes had no faith, and could not see something as obvious as Jesus having authority given him by God to heal and to forgive sins. No, they had to be showed the divinity of Christ.
“ He undertakes to make out, that the Son of man, the Mediator, has power on earth to forgive sins; for therefore the Father has committed all judgment to the Son, and has given him this authority, because he is the Son of man, Jn. 5:22, 27. If he has power to give eternal life, as he certainly has (Jn. 17:2), he must have power to forgive sin; for guilt is a bar that must be removed, or we can never get to heaven. What an encouragement is this to poor sinners to repent, that the power of pardoning sin is put into the hands of the Son of man, who is bone of our bone! And if he had this power on earth, much more now that he is exalted to the Father's right hand, to give repentance and remission of sins, and so to be both a Prince and a Saviour,” (Henry)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.” (vs. 4-6)
“How he proves it, by his power in the kingdom of nature; his power to cure diseases. Is it not as easy to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee, as to say, Arise and walk? He that can cure the disease, whether declaratively as a Prophet, or authoritatively as God, can, in like manner, forgive the sin. Now, This is a general argument to prove that Christ had a divine mission. His miracles, especially his miraculous cures, confirm what he said of himself, that he was the Son of God; the power that appeared in his cures proved him sent of God; and the pity that appeared in them proved him sent of God to heal and save. The God of truth would not set his seal to a lie.” (Ibid)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughtsWherefore think ye evil in your hearts?” This alone should have told them they where in the presence of someone with great power and authority.
“For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?” “Both healing and forgiveness are impossible with man. Yet only the promise of healing could be immediately proven, because though you can’t see someone’s sin being forgiven, you can see that they are healed.” (Guzik)
“This appears to have been founded on Psalm 103:3. Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, and healeth all thy diseases. Here pardon precedes health.” (Clarke)
“But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins” Regarding which is easier to say, “Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk” Jesus answered His own question before the religious leaders did. Since He could make good on His claim to heal the man, it gave proof of His claim to also have the authority to forgive sins.If he had the Godly power to heal, then logically he must also have the power to forgive sins.
“And he arose, and departed to his house. But when the multitudes saw it, they marveled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.” (vs. 7-8) At the man’s healing, the crowd properly gave God the glory for this miracle. Jesus obviously did not draw attention to Himself by the manner in which the healing was done.
At the beginning of this study, we mentioned how the men of Gadarene, were upset that Jesus had exorcised the demons and those entities drove the herd of swine mad and they ran into the sea. These men seemed obvious to the fact that Jesus had cured the possessed men, something an ordinary man could not do. Likewise the scribes of Capernium were oblivious to the many healings Jesus had done, acts that only God could do, and they chose to focus on Jesus having pronounced the sick man’s sins forgiven. However while the men of Gadarene and the scribes of Capernium ignored the divinity of Jesus, we see the people in awe and worshiping God, for having sent his own into their midst.
In the beginning of his Gospel John makes the case in an eloquent and poetic prose that Jesus was with God from the beginning of time, a part of God. Here we see Matthew attempting to make the same argument by illustrating how Jesus demonstrated his divinity and authority by healing and forgiving sins; again obvious acts that only God could authorize.
“ Note, All our wonder should help to enlarge our hearts in glorifying God, who alone does marvellous things. They glorified God for what he had done for this poor man. Others' mercies should be our praises, and we should give him thanks for them, for we are members one of another. God must be glorified in all the power that is given to men to do good.” (Henry)Benediction
Everliving God, whose will it is that all should come to you through your Son Jesus Christ: Inspire our witness to him, that all may know the power of his forgiveness and the hope of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
Prayer is the risen Jesus coming in with His resurrection power, given free rein in our lives, and then using His authority to enter any situation and change things.

• Ole Hallesby

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
Readings:
Psalm 105:1–22 Zechariah 4
Gospel: Matthew 9:1–8
1 And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.
2 And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.
3 And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.
4 And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
5For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?
6But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
7 And he arose, and departed to his house.
8 But when the multitudes saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.
Commentary:
“And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.” (v. 1) Here in these verses, we find a strange if not ironic comparison. On the one side we have those that find his miracles awe inspiring, or as we find in verse 8 where Matthew states in reference to the multitude following and who had witnessed Jesus’ miracles: “theymarvelled, and glorified God.” And on the other hand we see those who hate Jesus, because he dares to upset the status quo that they so coveted.
At the end of the previous chapter, Matthew tells us of his version of Jesus exorcising demons from two men (other Gospels only mention one) on the coast of the Sea of Galilee nearGadarene.As you recall fromother studies, Jesus cast out the demons, who then fled from him, entering into a herd of swine, causing the pigs to run into the sea and drown. The citizens ofGadarenes—upset at the loss of theirswine—asked Jesus to leave. Which brings us toour first verse for today inwhichMatthewtells usJesusagain crossed over the Sea tohis own city,Capernaum;where:
“And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 2-3)
“they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed” Other Gospels explain how the man was brought to Jesus. Because of the crowds, his friends lowered him down to Jesus througha hole inthe roof.
“Jesus’ miracles were not primarily calculated for crowd effect. Instead they were primarily done to minister to the humble needs of humble people. For the most part, most Jewish people of that time would have preferred much more spectacular signs – like calling down fire from heaven upon a Roman Legion.” (Guzik)
“and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy” Jesus was impressed by the faith of the friends of this man. The phrase: “seeing their faith” demonstrates that their faith was so great that they carried this man through the crowds to bring him before Jesus. Again in the other Gospels, (Mark 2:1-12, Luke 5:17-26) we find that their faith was so great, that their belief that Jesus could heal their friend was so strong that when they could not press through the multitude gathered outside, they carried him up onto the roof of the house in which Jesus was in at the time, they tore a hole in the roof and lowered the man down into the midst of the gathering who had come to hear Jesus speak.
We also can assume that the paralyzed man himself had little faith; as Matthew emphasizes “seeing their faith” in that Jesus noted the faith of his friends, not the man with palsy. Therefore it appears that Jesus wanted to encourage this man’s faith by His next words.
“Son, be of good cheer” “With swift sure diagnosis Jesus sees in the man not faith but deep depression…and uttering first a kindly hope-inspiring word, such as a physician might address to a patient: cheer up, child!” (Bruce)
“thy sins be forgiven thee.” “The faith of the paralyzed man’s friends did something – they brought this man to Jesus. Yet they only thought of bringing him to Jesus for the healing of his body. They certainly didn’t think that Jesus would forgive His sins.” (Guzik)
We need not infer that the man was paralyzed as the direct result of some sin that needed forgiving. This did not seem to be Jesus’ point in saying, “your sins are forgiven you.”
Matthew Poole saw six reasons why Jesus dealt with the man’s sin first. To paraphrase Poole’s reasons why the sin was dealt with first:

1. Because sin is the root from which all our evils come.
2. To show that forgiveness is more important than bodily healing.
3. To show that the most important thing Jesus came to do was to deal with sin.
4. To show that when a man’s sins are forgiven, he becomes a son of God.
5. To show that the response to faith is the forgiveness of sin.
6. To begin an important conversation with the scribes and Pharisees.

Those in the crowd who felt they were the keepers of the Law, took offense at Jesus—someone many of them knew had resided in their city for some time—and to them what they perceived as Jesus taking upon himself, an authority reserved for God.
“And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 3)
“They said within themselves, in their hearts, among themselves, in their secret whisperings, This man blasphemeth. See how the greatest instance of heaven's power and grace is branded with the blackest note of hell's enmity; Christ's pardoning sin is termed blasphemy; nor had it been less, if he had not had commission from God for it. They, therefore, are guilty of blasphemy, that have no such commission, and yet pretend to pardon sin.” (Henry)
“certain of the scribes” Not all but a select few; “said within themselves” They didn’t have the courage to speak aloud their treasonous thoughts, which exposedtheir irrational belief that Jesus is but a man, one of their own,Jesushaving spent an indeterminate period of time in Capernaumbefore beginning his ministry.
In John chapter three, verse 2, Nicodemus the Pharisee came under cover of night so that his peers would not see him conversing with Jesus, and he said, “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him. ”Itshould have been evident, that no mortal man could do the miraculous healings that Jesus did, unless he be sent by God.Nicodemus and presumably others were not so blind that they could not see that Jesus had authority given to him by God, but yet these scribes in Capernaum chose to ignore the obvious and focus on what they perceived to be an infraction of the Law.
While the friends of the sick man had a great deal of faith, enough to touch the heart of Jesus, the scribes had no faith, and could not see something as obvious as Jesus having authority given him by God to heal and to forgive sins. No, they had to be showed the divinity of Christ.
“ He undertakes to make out, that the Son of man, the Mediator, has power on earth to forgive sins; for therefore the Father has committed all judgment to the Son, and has given him this authority, because he is the Son of man, Jn. 5:22, 27. If he has power to give eternal life, as he certainly has (Jn. 17:2), he must have power to forgive sin; for guilt is a bar that must be removed, or we can never get to heaven. What an encouragement is this to poor sinners to repent, that the power of pardoning sin is put into the hands of the Son of man, who is bone of our bone! And if he had this power on earth, much more now that he is exalted to the Father's right hand, to give repentance and remission of sins, and so to be both a Prince and a Saviour,” (Henry)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.” (vs. 4-6)
“How he proves it, by his power in the kingdom of nature; his power to cure diseases. Is it not as easy to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee, as to say, Arise and walk? He that can cure the disease, whether declaratively as a Prophet, or authoritatively as God, can, in like manner, forgive the sin. Now, This is a general argument to prove that Christ had a divine mission. His miracles, especially his miraculous cures, confirm what he said of himself, that he was the Son of God; the power that appeared in his cures proved him sent of God; and the pity that appeared in them proved him sent of God to heal and save. The God of truth would not set his seal to a lie.” (Ibid)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughtsWherefore think ye evil in your hearts?” This alone should have told them they where in the presence of someone with great power and authority.
“For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?” “Both healing and forgiveness are impossible with man. Yet only the promise of healing could be immediately proven, because though you can’t see someone’s sin being forgiven, you can see that they are healed.” (Guzik)
“This appears to have been founded on Psalm 103:3. Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, and healeth all thy diseases. Here pardon precedes health.” (Clarke)
“But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins” Regarding which is easier to say, “Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk” Jesus answered His own question before the religious leaders did. Since He could make good on His claim to heal the man, it gave proof of His claim to also have the authority to forgive sins.If he had the Godly power to heal, then logically he must also have the power to forgive sins.
“And he arose, and departed to his house. But when the multitudes saw it, they marveled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.” (vs. 7-8) At the man’s healing, the crowd properly gave God the glory for this miracle. Jesus obviously did not draw attention to Himself by the manner in which the healing was done.
At the beginning of this study, we mentioned how the men of Gadarene, were upset that Jesus had exorcised the demons and those entities drove the herd of swine mad and they ran into the sea. These men seemed obvious to the fact that Jesus had cured the possessed men, something an ordinary man could not do. Likewise the scribes of Capernium were oblivious to the many healings Jesus had done, acts that only God could do, and they chose to focus on Jesus having pronounced the sick man’s sins forgiven. However while the men of Gadarene and the scribes of Capernium ignored the divinity of Jesus, we see the people in awe and worshiping God, for having sent his own into their midst.
In the beginning of his Gospel John makes the case in an eloquent and poetic prose that Jesus was with God from the beginning of time, a part of God. Here we see Matthew attempting to make the same argument by illustrating how Jesus demonstrated his divinity and authority by healing and forgiving sins; again obvious acts that only God could authorize.
“ Note, All our wonder should help to enlarge our hearts in glorifying God, who alone does marvellous things. They glorified God for what he had done for this poor man. Others' mercies should be our praises, and we should give him thanks for them, for we are members one of another. God must be glorified in all the power that is given to men to do good.” (Henry)Benediction
Everliving God, whose will it is that all should come to you through your Son Jesus Christ: Inspire our witness to him, that all may know the power of his forgiveness and the hope of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
Prayer is the risen Jesus coming in with His resurrection power, given free rein in our lives, and then using His authority to enter any situation and change things.

• Ole Hallesby

The Collect
O God, the King of glory, you have exalted your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph to your kingdom in heaven: Do not leave us comfortless, but send us your Holy Spirit to strengthen us, and exalt us to that place where our Savior Christ has gone before; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.
Readings:
Psalm 105:1–22 Zechariah 4
Gospel: Matthew 9:1–8
1 And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.
2 And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.
3 And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.
4 And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
5For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?
6But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
7 And he arose, and departed to his house.
8 But when the multitudes saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.
Commentary:
“And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.” (v. 1) Here in these verses, we find a strange if not ironic comparison. On the one side we have those that find his miracles awe inspiring, or as we find in verse 8 where Matthew states in reference to the multitude following and who had witnessed Jesus’ miracles: “theymarvelled, and glorified God.” And on the other hand we see those who hate Jesus, because he dares to upset the status quo that they so coveted.
At the end of the previous chapter, Matthew tells us of his version of Jesus exorcising demons from two men (other Gospels only mention one) on the coast of the Sea of Galilee nearGadarene.As you recall fromother studies, Jesus cast out the demons, who then fled from him, entering into a herd of swine, causing the pigs to run into the sea and drown. The citizens ofGadarenes—upset at the loss of theirswine—asked Jesus to leave. Which brings us toour first verse for today inwhichMatthewtells usJesusagain crossed over the Sea tohis own city,Capernaum;where:
“And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy;Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 2-3)
“they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed” Other Gospels explain how the man was brought to Jesus. Because of the crowds, his friends lowered him down to Jesus througha hole inthe roof.
“Jesus’ miracles were not primarily calculated for crowd effect. Instead they were primarily done to minister to the humble needs of humble people. For the most part, most Jewish people of that time would have preferred much more spectacular signs – like calling down fire from heaven upon a Roman Legion.” (Guzik)
“and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy” Jesus was impressed by the faith of the friends of this man. The phrase: “seeing their faith” demonstrates that their faith was so great that they carried this man through the crowds to bring him before Jesus. Again in the other Gospels, (Mark 2:1-12, Luke 5:17-26) we find that their faith was so great, that their belief that Jesus could heal their friend was so strong that when they could not press through the multitude gathered outside, they carried him up onto the roof of the house in which Jesus was in at the time, they tore a hole in the roof and lowered the man down into the midst of the gathering who had come to hear Jesus speak.
We also can assume that the paralyzed man himself had little faith; as Matthew emphasizes “seeing their faith” in that Jesus noted the faith of his friends, not the man with palsy. Therefore it appears that Jesus wanted to encourage this man’s faith by His next words.
“Son, be of good cheer” “With swift sure diagnosis Jesus sees in the man not faith but deep depression…and uttering first a kindly hope-inspiring word, such as a physician might address to a patient: cheer up, child!” (Bruce)
“thy sins be forgiven thee.” “The faith of the paralyzed man’s friends did something – they brought this man to Jesus. Yet they only thought of bringing him to Jesus for the healing of his body. They certainly didn’t think that Jesus would forgive His sins.” (Guzik)
We need not infer that the man was paralyzed as the direct result of some sin that needed forgiving. This did not seem to be Jesus’ point in saying, “your sins are forgiven you.”
Matthew Poole saw six reasons why Jesus dealt with the man’s sin first. To paraphrase Poole’s reasons why the sin was dealt with first:

1. Because sin is the root from which all our evils come.
2. To show that forgiveness is more important than bodily healing.
3. To show that the most important thing Jesus came to do was to deal with sin.
4. To show that when a man’s sins are forgiven, he becomes a son of God.
5. To show that the response to faith is the forgiveness of sin.
6. To begin an important conversation with the scribes and Pharisees.

Those in the crowd who felt they were the keepers of the Law, took offense at Jesus—someone many of them knew had resided in their city for some time—and to them what they perceived as Jesus taking upon himself, an authority reserved for God.
“And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.” (v. 3)
“They said within themselves, in their hearts, among themselves, in their secret whisperings, This man blasphemeth. See how the greatest instance of heaven's power and grace is branded with the blackest note of hell's enmity; Christ's pardoning sin is termed blasphemy; nor had it been less, if he had not had commission from God for it. They, therefore, are guilty of blasphemy, that have no such commission, and yet pretend to pardon sin.” (Henry)
“certain of the scribes” Not all but a select few; “said within themselves” They didn’t have the courage to speak aloud their treasonous thoughts, which exposedtheir irrational belief that Jesus is but a man, one of their own,Jesushaving spent an indeterminate period of time in Capernaumbefore beginning his ministry.
In John chapter three, verse 2, Nicodemus the Pharisee came under cover of night so that his peers would not see him conversing with Jesus, and he said, “Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him. ”Itshould have been evident, that no mortal man could do the miraculous healings that Jesus did, unless he be sent by God.Nicodemus and presumably others were not so blind that they could not see that Jesus had authority given to him by God, but yet these scribes in Capernaum chose to ignore the obvious and focus on what they perceived to be an infraction of the Law.
While the friends of the sick man had a great deal of faith, enough to touch the heart of Jesus, the scribes had no faith, and could not see something as obvious as Jesus having authority given him by God to heal and to forgive sins. No, they had to be showed the divinity of Christ.
“ He undertakes to make out, that the Son of man, the Mediator, has power on earth to forgive sins; for therefore the Father has committed all judgment to the Son, and has given him this authority, because he is the Son of man, Jn. 5:22, 27. If he has power to give eternal life, as he certainly has (Jn. 17:2), he must have power to forgive sin; for guilt is a bar that must be removed, or we can never get to heaven. What an encouragement is this to poor sinners to repent, that the power of pardoning sin is put into the hands of the Son of man, who is bone of our bone! And if he had this power on earth, much more now that he is exalted to the Father's right hand, to give repentance and remission of sins, and so to be both a Prince and a Saviour,” (Henry)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughts said,Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins,(then saith he to the sick of the palsy,)Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.” (vs. 4-6)
“How he proves it, by his power in the kingdom of nature; his power to cure diseases. Is it not as easy to say, Thy sins are forgiven thee, as to say, Arise and walk? He that can cure the disease, whether declaratively as a Prophet, or authoritatively as God, can, in like manner, forgive the sin. Now, This is a general argument to prove that Christ had a divine mission. His miracles, especially his miraculous cures, confirm what he said of himself, that he was the Son of God; the power that appeared in his cures proved him sent of God; and the pity that appeared in them proved him sent of God to heal and save. The God of truth would not set his seal to a lie.” (Ibid)
“And Jesus knowing their thoughtsWherefore think ye evil in your hearts?” This alone should have told them they where in the presence of someone with great power and authority.
“For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?” “Both healing and forgiveness are impossible with man. Yet only the promise of healing could be immediately proven, because though you can’t see someone’s sin being forgiven, you can see that they are healed.” (Guzik)
“This appears to have been founded on Psalm 103:3. Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, and healeth all thy diseases. Here pardon precedes health.” (Clarke)
“But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins” Regarding which is easier to say, “Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk” Jesus answered His own question before the religious leaders did. Since He could make good on His claim to heal the man, it gave proof of His claim to also have the authority to forgive sins.If he had the Godly power to heal, then logically he must also have the power to forgive sins.
“And he arose, and departed to his house. But when the multitudes saw it, they marveled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.” (vs. 7-8) At the man’s healing, the crowd properly gave God the glory for this miracle. Jesus obviously did not draw attention to Himself by the manner in which the healing was done.
At the beginning of this study, we mentioned how the men of Gadarene, were upset that Jesus had exorcised the demons and those entities drove the herd of swine mad and they ran into the sea. These men seemed obvious to the fact that Jesus had cured the possessed men, something an ordinary man could not do. Likewise the scribes of Capernium were oblivious to the many healings Jesus had done, acts that only God could do, and they chose to focus on Jesus having pronounced the sick man’s sins forgiven. However while the men of Gadarene and the scribes of Capernium ignored the divinity of Jesus, we see the people in awe and worshiping God, for having sent his own into their midst.
In the beginning of his Gospel John makes the case in an eloquent and poetic prose that Jesus was with God from the beginning of time, a part of God. Here we see Matthew attempting to make the same argument by illustrating how Jesus demonstrated his divinity and authority by healing and forgiving sins; again obvious acts that only God could authorize.
“ Note, All our wonder should help to enlarge our hearts in glorifying God, who alone does marvellous things. They glorified God for what he had done for this poor man. Others' mercies should be our praises, and we should give him thanks for them, for we are members one of another. God must be glorified in all the power that is given to men to do good.” (Henry)Benediction
Everliving God, whose will it is that all should come to you through your Son Jesus Christ: Inspire our witness to him, that all may know the power of his forgiveness and the hope of his resurrection; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Thought for the Day:
Prayer is the risen Jesus coming in with His resurrection power, given free rein in our lives, and then using His authority to enter any situation and change things.

• Ole Hallesby