I wanted to share my experience with the entire Carvana package now that our car is paid off and all monetary transactions with them are over.
This will get long, as it started in 2019.
We bought our 17' Rogue from Carvana in April of 2019. I was researching vehicles for close to 3 months before finally pulling the trigger on this particular model. It was about 34k miles, 2.5 years old, located in Illinois. I liked the geographic area for chances the vehicle hadn't seen a lot of snow for the first 2 years of it life as Carfax activity showed it was most likely in the southern part of the state.
I also chose this specific Rogue as the VIN indicated the vehicle was made in South Korea, as opposed to Tennessee. The difference is all Rogues made in South Korea received engines and CVT's from Japan, while US made models had engines from Japan or US, and CVT's from Mexico which was a no go for me. I will also go one more and state Korean labor for assembly is far more disciplined than what you find in the US and especially mexico. Fun fact for those still paying attention - The Nissan Rogue's that have the flat Nissan logo on the grille behind smoked plastic were made in South Korea. They stopped production there in early 2020.
What interested me in Carvana was-

1. Buying a car is the sleaziest most frustrating process from a dealer
   
2. I could hand pick from an inventory of cars across the country willing to pay for delivery
   
3. They offered me 500 dollars off the final price of a car in a letter campaign, as they were still growing
   

I started looking over inventory for a month, and decided to sign up and go for the soft credit pull to see what terms Carvana would offer. I was prequalified for a used car loan through my credit union, so I wanted to see Carvana's terms would be. The loan and term tools were pretty damn cool at the time, you could just jiggle those sliders and almost completely tailor a lending solution to fit your needs.
After the soft credit pull and a single pay stub, Carvana pre-approved me for any car up to 90k, with zero money down. I laughed. Hard. I had decent credit but wasnt going to bury myself.
After I settled down to a few models, I worked through the trade-in portion of the site, and found it was real easy to get a quote to trade in our 2005 Escape XLT which was a great car, but in Ford fashion the frame was rotting away. I had a fair offer for the trade in, described it honestly.
We also opted for the SilverRock warranty. Nissan, CVT, etc.
The big sale!
After watching how quickly some cars came and went early on, I got everything I needed for the trade in. Scan of the title, picture of the milage, car pictures. We were putting 2k down on the car, so the cash was waiting in my account, ready for transfer or cashier check if we were going to go with Carvana final loan offer.
The day I pulled the trigger on our Rogue, the entire process took all of 20 minutes. I was amazed, and honestly thought at the time "This should be illegal for how easy that was".
The offer for Carvana finance was within a couple tenths of my credit union, so I opted to simplify the process and go with them. Carvana performed a hard pull on my credit, confirmed the terms, and required confirmation from my bank that the money for deposit was in my account. I provided my bank login credentials and the process was done in minutes.
I had to provide a copy of my license and items related to the trade in, and it was done, in literally 20 minutes. I wondered if I was making a mistake..
It was an amazing deal, every dealer in the area was selling the same model for well over 2k of what we paid, so the SilverRock warranty was pretty much free after the additional 500 discount off the final price of the car.
Delivery - Trade in!
It was delayed. Twice. Pretty disappointing. Some pretty lame excuses. Honestly I should have expected a reasonable delivery date as the I knew the car I bought was 1500 miles away, but Carvana makes unrealistic delivery promises and is my biggest gripe regarding them.
When delivery day finally came, the Rogue was everything I had hoped it would be. While on the delivery truck I asked to inspect the undercarriage, and the driver was super friendly and allowed me to take my time. I looked it all over, looking for rust, oil leaks, you name it and I found nothing nothing, including nothing suspect like it had been cleaned. It was a 2-ish year old car with light dirt and surface rust where you would expect.
Once the Rogue was unloaded I was free to look it over with a fine comb, pop the hood, check the fluids, look for dents and dings, paint issues, interior issues, you name it. I found nothing major, just some minor things like paint polish slag in small corners and what not. Interior was very clean and detailed.
While I was looking over the Rogue, the delivery driver was loading the trade-in. He took some pictures, verified the mileage, checked the "check engine" light was off and started loading it on his truck.
I live in Massachusetts with very strict license and registration requirements. A few days before the delivery, someone from the Danvers site reached out to me about the registration details. I was transferring the plates from the trade in and they were finalizing the paperwork. I was provided the new registration, and the delivery driver had the new registration in hand so we could just put the plates on the Rogue and be ready to roll.
I took the Rogue for a 20 minute test drive, signed off on the purchase and trade. Driver headed off with the trade in and that was it. Carvana never called or questioned what they gave me for the trade.
Post delivery!
The very next day I brought the Rogue to work, I work in transportation/logistics and my site has ASE mechanics that I know very well. I asked him to go over the Rogue with the white glove and let me know if they think anything is wrong, as I have 6 days to return the car. They did so and they didnt find anything, just amazed at how clean the undercarriage, engine, and fluids were.
If I didn't have access to an ASE certified mechanic in this situation that I really trusted, I would have paid for a purchase inspection from a Nissan dealer. I did pay for the trusted inspection, just not in dollars lol.
After the personal vehicle inspection, my wife and I took off for a long weekend road trip roaming the White mountains of New Hampshire. Three days across many miles that easily blew out the initial vehicle 7 day warranty mileage. The Rogue was amazing through the mountains getting a ridiculous 30mpg through the entire trip. I wasn't concerned as people I trust cleared the car, and I also had the SilverRock warranty to cover the rest..
Speaking of warranty..
SilverRock!
The first, and pretty much only issue with the Rogue, was at about 48k miles. Massachusetts has a comprehensive yearly vehicle inspection program. At about 48k miles, the Rogue failed inspection for a bad inner tie rod, passenger side. Contacted SilverRock, and they gave me the local network shop here in Massachusetts, Monro.Monro is a regional repair shop here in MA with many locations. I take the Rogue to them and they diagnose that indeed the passenger side inner tie rod has gone bad. Repair tech states he has never seen one go bad on a Nissan at the current mileage.
The service manager starts looking around for the parts, called about 5 places, then calls a Nissan dealer. The Nissan dealer informs him the inner tie rod is not available for the 17, the only way to to repair the defect is replace the entire electric steering rack which comes with the inner and outer tie rods complete.
I call SilverRock with the service manager. I provide my name and vehicle make, SilverRock knows who I am right away. SilverRock rep asks whats wrong, service manager laid it down. SilverRock rep transfers us to a manager, manager asked about a few more details and then asked the service manager of Monro to send the estimate.
I get a call from the manager of Monro the next day, he said he went back and forth with SilverRock for about 20 minutes and got the entire job covered, throwing in a free front end alignment, for 1500 dollars using a genuine Nissan OEM steering rack.
SilverRock paid everything but the 100 dollar deductible. I picked up the Rogue 2 days later, paid 100, and went back for inspection. It passed.
Anyone reading this that knows about car repair, an inner tie rod costs maybe 150 dollars OEM. The fact it wasn't available and they had to replace the entire rack was absurd, yet they did it with a new OEM rack. At the time SilverRock could have required a rack used from a salvage yard, but they didn't.
I have nothing but positive things to say about SilverRock.
Bridgecrest!!
The silent partner.
I have NEVER spoken to someone at Bridgecrest. I have never called them. They have never called me.
I have NEVER emailed Bridgecrest. They have emailed me every single month for the life of my loan, after making a payment.
They fronted me the money, and expected it back. I paid it back, as expected. On time.
5 stars, and they will return the favor on my credit now that the loan is clear.
WHY YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY
Do your homework - buying a car is a capital investment in your future that loses money. You need a car to be reliable for your job, your family, your life. You need to spend money on a regular basis to keep that car reliable, on top of your car payment.
Know your budget - Dont fall for finance traps. Only buy what you can comfortably afford, again, owning a car costs you more money than what's on the final loan payment.
Get your car inspected ASAP - Pay a dealer for a purchase inspection. Schedule it ahead of time. Inform Carvana of the issues within 3 days of delivery and ask them to pick up the car. Carvana will make the car right, as they dont want to take the car back from qualified buyers. Keep on top of them until the car is what was expected.
Why Carvana may be bad for you
You have bad credit - Better know what you are signing on for. The majority of complaints in this sub are from people that have bad credit, cant read, and cant learn from past mistakes. Thats a personal problem, not a Carvana problem.
Closing
Aside from some delays in delivery, We have had an amazing 5 year journey with Carvana and associated companies. Our Rogue is now at over 100k miles and still drives and looks like new. We perform all maintenance as required, without question.
Living in MA, the last 5 years our Rogue has taken us thousands of miles over the White Mountains of New Hampshire, all through the Mountains of Maine, and multiple trips to Canada to visit the iconic Niagara Falls.
My wife travels every day for work, and the Rogue is her daily driver putting 3k miles on the clock every 2.5 months. We change the oil every 3k miles, perform the required CVT services at the dealer, and keep the tires rotated every 8K.
The tires that came on the Rogue from Carvana were in fact new, but the kind of tires that have a 30k mile treadwear warranty. The first snowy New England day we slipped through a stop sign in light snow, the next week we replaced the tires all around with BF Goodrich Advantage TA sport tires and the Rogue has been amazing in the snow ever since.
After getting our Rogue, my coworker was so impressed he bought not 1, but 2 cars from Carvana. Bastard got both cars delivered on time, on the same day, from different parts of the country.. I was so jealous lol. His cars had some minor issues, but Carvana took car of them.
My daughter bought a Nissan as well from Carvana. It had a few front end issues, but ultimately was taken care of through constant communication with Carvana during the 7 day test drive.
Will I use Carvana again? Yes.
Will it be soon? Not really.
Our other car is a Hyundai and running strong.
Hope some of my diatribe will be useful to anyone considering Carvana as usually is all bad mouth drival posted here.

Originally chronicled here.
I am not the OOP. OOP is u/Lost_Beginning_2824
This was originally posted in TrueOffMyChest
2 updates
(recovered via pushpull)
Original post - February 6th, 2024
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
2nd Update - March 8th, 2024
Trigger warning: mention of domestic violence situation
I’m married to a woman who acts like a teenage girl – February 6th, 2024
My wife behaves like a teenage girl and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
This is just a rant. Curious to know how many full grown adults behave the way my wife does. I’d say out of all of the adult women I know, like friends, relatives, wives of my friends, none of them behave this way unless they keep it a closely guarded secret.
Editing right here to add that my wife is in her 30s, for context.
My wife is always obsessed with somebody, a man or sometimes multiple men at one time. Usually there is one or two main focuses at a time. When I talk obsessed I mean obsessed like a teenage girl or maybe even preteen girl would be. I’ve seen pictures of her bedroom when she was that age and they were literally wallpapers in posters of her favorite guys. That’s totally normal for a 13 year old girl. She still behaves that way as a woman in her 30s. Granted, our bedroom walls aren’t wallpapered in posters but they probably would be if I allowed it.
Her obsessions have ranged from rock stars, actors, non-entertainment industry public figures. It’s like one day she hasn’t even heard of the guy in question and the next day she’s super fan #1 and knows just about everything there is to know about him. She will read and watch everything there is to watch about the man. She will bring him up in every conversation. She will adopt parts of him into her own personality. She will suggest things that make it clear to me that she wants me to adopt characteristics of these men as part of my appearance or personality. She will openly admit to me that she’s masturbated over the guy multiple times in one day.
When she finds a new man to obsess over, she puts the others in her little stable of men who she always has a place for in her heart and in her fantasies, so they never really go away. The new man just takes center stage and becomes the main focus of almost her entire life.
So the current obsession is so strange to me. Never saw this one coming, but leave it to her to always find somebody new to fall in love with. The intensity that she has during these periods - it’s honestly like she falls in love with these men.
I’m laughing so hard just typing this all. Her current obsession is Bret Hart, former pro wrestler. This woman had never watched wrestling before in her life. Always thought that stuff was below her. And now she’s obsessed with this former pro-wrestler. She watched one show about him, for reasons I’m not aware of, and I could tell almost instantly where it was headed. I thought “here we go…” So now the Bret Hart obsession is in full swing. Has she already dropped close to $1000 in vintage Bret Hart shirts on eBay? Of course. Bought all the stickers and magnets and all sorts of other stupid crap she can find? Yep. Does she send me Bret Hart YouTube clips all.day.long when she’s supposed to be working? Yes she does.
So, I better get to work brushing up on my Bret Hart knowledge and tag lines. This is the key to getting laid when it comes to her. I’m used to this by now. It’s just not something that I can easily explain to anyone I know.
I mean, there’s are things I’m a fan of, but she is next level. I can’t think of anyone I know who is her age and acts like this. She was voted most likely to grow up and become a groupie when she was in high school, so this is absolutely nothing new for her. Sigh.
Many are lighthearted in the comments
plastic_Schedule_891
I mean he's the best there is, was and ever will be so that one makes sense at least .
You don’t think I’m hearing that 10 times a day now?
I better start planning that trip to Calgary.
Limerence is mentioned
poopchutethemoon
Yeah my bouts of limerence have been with people I’ve dated but reading that made me realize that I was very much being obsessive and it was totally all consuming. Glad it’s over honestly. Those feelings are exhausting.
Very interesting to hear you say the feelings are exhausting. It’s like a full time job for my wife, so I could see that. She told me she’s at work with her door closed pretending to be working, but she’s really watching Bret Hart videos on YouTube. She can’t even focus on her job.
OOP reveals more of the life he’s signed up for in the comments
get-bread-not-head
You've pretended to act like other men for 20 years?!
Damn dude, I hope you're finding ways to accept it and cope. That sounds rough, having to be someone else to have sex... stay strong king
Nah, I just learn their catchphrases or gain some deep fan knowledge that’ll impress her or maybe perfect a vocal impersonation of them that I can drop at the opportune time. The vocal impersonations work the best as far as making her like me and being like “ok, wanna have sex now?”
another_canoe
But what do you guys actually share *together*? That's not related to the obsession of the season? (I'm not going to even bother asking if she's tried to learn about any of your hobbies/interests).
NGL, this is all pretty grim to me, my man....and I'm someone who loves having a partner who is passionate about things and nerds out.
I fear that you've spent so long with her infatuations steamrolling over your own interests and preferences that you have convinced yourself that getting attention-by-proxy as your main source of validation from your SPOUSE is a healthy way to live.
If I told you that I was big into anime and Japanese RPGs and the only way I get interested in doing it with my actual wife is if she adopts the catch phrases /personality characteristics of my latest "waifu", would you feel some concern for my wife's mental health?
I'm also wondering about this spending....
She’s pretty dismissive of my interests and hobbies. I’ve told her I’d like her to try to pretend to show a little more interest sometimes. I make an effort to show real interest in her stuff and she does not do the same. I’m very into music and I do geek out over guitars and gear and things like that and she couldn’t tell you anything about any of the guitars I own other than “he has a blue one, he has a red one. “ We do love some of the same bands. Of course she wants to fuck the band members and I just want to talk about the chord progression on my favorite guitar tracks, but it’s close enough. We like a lot of the same movies and that sort of thing. We have the same sense of humor and can keep each other laughing for ages. We have a lot of the same views on life and on the world in general.
I don’t know, we just get each other I guess.
I would be concerned about the waifu thing, but I guess in my case she always likes guys who I think are pretty cool anyway. She has good taste, at least. If she has to be obsessing over some other guy constantly at least she does it over guys I can respect on some level.
Regarding the spending, I spend way more than she does. Only difference is it’s not usually fan merch I’m buying. But she tolerate my spending when it comes to stuff like guitar gear. She rolls her eyes and reprimands me but she tolerates it and just knows I won’t stop. I’m the same when it comes to her fan stuff. I get it, she wants the vintage 1993 Bret Hart shirt that costs hundreds…not a modern shirt that just anyone could go online and buy for $25 right now. She wants the cool, rare stuff. I’m the same with my guitars so I guess it’s like we understand each other in some way. I think it’s weird to become a fan of somebody and 2 days later drop thousands on them though. At least my money pit is consistent.
I think we both feel like we’re the only person who will semi understand and tolerate all of this stuff from each other
Not included here, but in several comments, OOP definitely brings up his wife’s looks as a positive in the relationship and he finds her antics at times amusing or even attractive.
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
I recently wrote about my wife suddenly discovering former pro-wrestler Bret “The Hitman” Hart one day after never even knowing of his existence, experienced love at first site, and is now even deeper than love with him then she was a month ago.
Tonight, I experienced a good hour of her sobbing, literal sobs, after watching the Bret Hart A&E biography. “I just love him so much. I love him with all my heart. I don’t want any more bad things to happen to him. Also, I’m very jealous he’s not my husband.”
She also went from not wanting any kids to suddenly wanting a baby so she can name it Bret (a girl or a boy, doesn’t matter…they will be named Bret). And she almost had me convinced, but I blame that on the heat of the moment.
She’s bought all sorts of clothes just like his. My wife now dresses like Bret Hart in and outside of the ring.
The past few days she’s been acting really annoyed with me. Finally I’m like “Wtf am I doing wrong?” I bought you Bret Hart stuff for your birthday! I call you Mrs. Bret Hart now, even though you’re my wife. I even sent you flowers at work from Bret. I mean that was supposed to get me points because she knew they were from me and I was playing into her obsession which she’s now apparently shared with everyone she works with. They’ve bought her a giant Bret Hart wall decal for her office.
Ok, so I did forget our anniversary which was very recently. Totally forgot it. Then again, so did she. She was too busy masturbating over Bret Hart to remember our wedding anniversary. I mean bad husband points for me obviously but all the birthday gifts had to have made up for it. I mean, I even ordered a Bret Hart birthday banner and got her a Bret Hart themed birthday cake as if she were a 7 year old boy in the year 1994.
So why is she acting so annoyed lately? Why does she act like she hates me and can’t stand to even be in the same room as me? She finally admits…I’m not Bret Hart. None of her obsession have ever been this bad. She’s seriously threatening me with divorce now because I’m not Bret Hart! She “just wants a guy like that.” She had to go walk the dog today and cry over it, how much she hates me and wishes she was married to Bret Hart. Oh fuck me you want a guy like your dad because that’s what Bret Hart is like…exactly like her dad, the same look, the same hair, the same damn age.
I told her I think she should get checked out for autism or some other sort of disorder. Her obsessions have never been this bad. She should make an appointment now because the waitlist is long. She just laughed. There’s nothing wrong with her. She just has different taste in men now, according to her.
Some comments
psychick
Therapist here - she needs to see a psychiatrist. This is mental illness to the extreme. Either she goes, or you leave. This is ultimatum territory. And, stop giving into her obsession. It makes it worse.
nualt42
Man, when she threatens divorce, take it. Jump at the chance.
Hell, sit, be a good boy and offer your fucking paw if that’s what it takes to get treated to an exit strategy. Don’t worry about dignity, sounds like you gave that up a long time ago.
She’s even looked up the divorce process for where we live and says we can be amicable about everything. She assures me she’s not looking to take any thing that is rightfully mine. She just wants a clean break.
Sophie3546
I’m surprised he even lasted this long. Calling her “Ms. Bret Hart” …..I can’t even fathom.
Excuse me, it’s MRS Bret Hart, not Ms.
NEW UPDATE - March 8th, 2024
Hi, you might remember me as the guy whose wife was obsessed with JFK (35th President of the United States), then experienced a world wind romance with former WWF pro-wrestler Bret Hart (the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be), but now she’s met a new man. I thought the Bret Hart obsession was the worst one yet. Never has she threatened divorce or told me she hated me because I wasn’t the object of her desire. Luckily, that was a relatively quick love affair for her. 3-4 months is a short run for her and one of her men. But I should be careful what I wish for.
This new one is the first time I’ve felt that I should maybe, just possibly, feel legitimately scared. Her newly developing obsession is Patrick Bateman. Yep, the character from American Psycho. Specifically, the movie version played by Christian Bale.
It’s not like she’s just met the guy. She’s seen the movie before but it doesn’t appear that they hit it off initially. Now, she’s suddenly started making constant reference to him. Bret is gone and now it’s just Patrick Bateman and maniacal laughter and purchasing all of the items in his skin care routine. I’d like to see her do 1000 crunches though. That’ll be the day.
She has always admitted to living the 80s preppy/yuppie look. She loves assholes. Assholes are a weakness for her. Psychopaths? Hmm…that’s a new one, unless you count the time she was in love with the Menendez Brothers years ago. God, the pastel Ralph Lauren sweaters she used to try to make me wear. Pastels are just not my shades.
Now, there was a time many years ago where I did have to hide all the knives in our home. I was legitimately scared that she was going to murder me. I forget what she was upset about now. I am, after all, her type - an asshole. I did something that bothered her and she ran for the knives. I had to hide them and then lock myself in a bedroom because she was literally chasing me. That was before she decided that she’d be the female Patrick Bateman. Granted, she says “only mean in the looks and snob department-nothing else.”
She’s trying to determine what the female equivalent to a Patrick Bateman hairstyle would be right now. I’m just worried about the bank account with this obsession. The amount she’ll spend on business cards alone.
Comments
lemonade_sparkle
Your wife is severely mentally ill, and needs help quickly.
Is there no chance of persuading her to get help?
If not, what preparations have you made to leave her?
I’m a strange way, I think these obsessions are what keep her sane.
Her getting help is funny though. It’s not going to happen. Sure I’ve tried to persuade her to see a therapist but she just won’t.
ctIaTErA
I probably shouldn’t be laughing as hard as I am right now. This is truly bizarre. Does she narrate her morning routine in the mirror each day now?
But in all seriousness, she’s chased you with a knife? Thats far more concerning than any of the obsessions with these men, and yes I did read the post about the wrestler. I thought it was just very quirky behavior before, but she seems truly unhinged now.
It was years ago. Like 10+ years ago. I’m much stronger than her so it’s not hard to hold her down if need be.
I AM NOT OOP
NO BRIGADING, NO HARASSMENT

Tapping into your retirement funds, specifically 401(k)s, to help beef up a down payment is a reoccurring topic on this subreddit.
Accessing retirement funds is a big decision. And like with any big decision, you should understand the ins and outs before you move forward.
An important note before we get started: 401(k)s are not IRAs. 401(k)s do not have the same rules as IRAs. This post is for education regarding the implications of accessing 401(k) funds early - via loan or withdrawal - specifically for the purpose of purchasing a home.

How 401(k)s Work

Your 401(k) is an employer-sponsored retirement savings plan. It is an account within which you can invest in various funds for growth until retirement. All transactions that occur within the 401(k) account are tax sheltered. This means that any income or investment gains are exempt from all forms of taxation. Investments can be bought and sold, dividends can be collected, and Uncle Sam will keep his grubby hands off of the proceeds - for as long as they remain within the 401(k).
In a nutshell, there are two types of 401(k)s: Traditional and Roth.
Traditional 401(k): No taxes now, taxes later
Employees contribute a portion of their pre-tax income to their Traditional 401(k) account through payroll deductions. This means that the money is taken out of their paycheck before taxes are calculated, reducing their taxable income for the year. Investment gains within the 401(k) account grow tax-deferred, meaning taxes are not owed until withdrawals are made in retirement. Some employers offer matching contributions to their employees' traditional 401(k) accounts, which is essentially free money added to the employee's retirement savings.
Penalty-free withdrawals from a Traditional 401(k) are permitted at age 59^1/2. These withdrawals are taxed as ordinary income in retirement. This means that when employees start taking distributions from their account, they will owe income tax on the amount withdrawn, rather than capital gains tax, as is typical for investment gains.
Roth 401(k): Taxes now, no taxes later
Employees contribute a portion of their after-tax income to their Roth 401(k) account through payroll deductions. Unlike traditional 401(k) contributions, Roth 401(k) contributions do not reduce taxable income in the year they are made.
While employers may still offer matching contributions to a Roth 401(k), these matching contributions are made on a pre-tax basis and are deposited into a separate traditional 401(k) account. This means that while employees contribute to their Roth 401(k) with after-tax dollars, employer matches are made with pre-tax dollars, and taxes will be owed on withdrawals of the employer contributions.
Penalty-free withdrawals from a Roth 401(k) are permitted once an account has been open for 5 years, and the owner reaches age 59^1/2. These withdrawals, inclusive of investment gains, are tax-free. Since contributions are made with after-tax dollars, employees have already paid taxes on the money they contribute, so they do not owe taxes on withdrawals in retirement.
^(\Roth 401(k)* funds can be accessed earlier than 591/2 in some cases. See:)) ^{Rule of 55, Rule 72t}

Early Withdrawal Taxes and Penalties

Withdrawing funds early from your 401(k) is costly. For both Traditional 401(k)s and Roth 401(k)s, a 10% penalty is paid on the distributions. So, let's say you withdraw $10,000 for your downpayment. The distribution will be reduced to $9,000. Uncle Sam is taking $1,000 for touching your retirement savings early. Ouch!
And he isn't done.
Traditional 401(k): Taxes on Early Withdrawals
Any amount withdrawn from a traditional 401(k) is generally treated as ordinary income for tax purposes. This means that the withdrawn amount is added to your taxable income for the year in which the withdrawal is made. When made early, you will owe federal income taxes on the withdrawn amount at your marginal\* income tax rate. Additionally, depending on your state of residence, you may owe state income taxes on the withdrawal as well.
Roth 401(k): Taxes on Early Withdrawals
When understanding the rules around early withdrawals from a Roth 401(k), it is important to differentiate between your contributions (money you earned outside the account and put into the account) from your investment gains (money earned by your investments within the account).

• Contributions: Since taxes were already paid on the employee (your) contributions, you can always withdraw them *tax-*free (but not penalty-free).
• Gains: Taxes have not been paid on the investment gains, so taxes will be owed on the withdrawal. The withdrawn gains will again be taxed at your marginal* tax rate.

^\)^{Note: The early withdrawal penalty can be waived in some circumstances. A FTHB purchase is not one of them. Note: column 3 is 401(ks. Column 4 is IRAs, which are not discussed here.})
What is a marginal tax rate, and why is it important?
Your marginal tax rate is the tax rate you pay on the last dollar of your income. In a progressive tax system like that of the United States, tax rates increase as income rises. Your marginal tax rate corresponds to the highest tax bracket into which your income falls.
For example, let's say the tax system has three brackets:

• 10% for income up to $10,000
• 20% for income between $10,001 and $50,000
• 30% for income above $50,000

If you earn $60,000, your marginal tax rate would be 30% because that's the rate applied to the last dollar you earned, which falls within the highest bracket.
Your early withdrawals fall into the "last dollar you earned" category. Meaning every (taxable) dollar withdrawn will be taxed at the highest rate possible - 30% in the example above. Your marginal tax rate could be above or below this number. See what your marginal tax bracket is for 2024 here.
Example: Early Withdrawal from Traditional 401(k) for down payment
John and Emily are a 30-year-old married couple looking to purchase their first home in Florida. They earn a combined $150,000/year. Emily has liberally funded her Traditional 401(k) and has amassed a balance of $100,000. They have also been saving for a downpayment on their first home. They have managed to accumulate $50,000 for a down payment and feel ready to start shopping.
John and Emily find themselves under contract on a $250,000 home that suits all their needs (lol, i know, bear with me). They expect closing costs of $15,000. Unfortunately, their mortgage lender decides they are only willing to extend $200,000 (John has some credit card debt and drives a Ferrari he bought with 0 down).
Uh oh. John and Emily do not have enough cash for both the down payment and the $15,000 in closing costs. Good thing Emily has some extra money stashed away for retirement, right? Let's see what it costs for Emily to tap into her Traditional 401(k)...
Emily withdraws $15,000 for the closing costs. The withdrawal will first be hit with the 10% penalty, which is $1,500.
John and Emily file jointly, putting them in the 22% marginal federal tax bracket. They will be subject to an additional $3,300 in taxes from the distribution.
Fortunately, they're in Florida, so there are no state taxes owed.
It cost Emily and John $4,800 to withdraw their $15,000.
John and Emily walk away with $10,200 cash to show for their $15,000 withdrawal. Had they never touched that $15,000, it would have been worth $261,741 by the time they retired at age 60.
See how expensive an early, unqualified Traditional 401(k) withdrawal would be for you.
Ok, so withdrawing seems like a bad idea. What about borrowing from a 401(k)?

What is a 401(k) loan?

A 401(k) loan is a loan taken out by a participant in a 401(k) retirement plan, where the individual borrows money from their own 401(k) account balance and agrees to repay it according to the terms set by the plan administrator, typically with interest.
By borrowing the money from your 401(k), the money is removed from what it was invested in. If those investments return 25% during the period which the money is borrowed, you, unfortunately, do not reap the rewards. Conversely, if those investments return -25%, you, fortunately, do not bear those losses.
Sounds like an even-sided risk, right? It's a 50/50 chance the market goes up or down? Not necessarily.

401(k) Loan: The Costs to Borrow

Traditional Borrowing Costs: Fees and Interest
401(k) loans typically cost $75-$125 to apply and originate the loan, which is actually pretty good. For those of you looking at your settlement statements, this looks pretty attractive compared to your mortgage origination fee and other up-front borrowing expenses.
Typically, retirement plans charge the current prime rate (8.50%, currently) plus 1% or 2% in interest on 401(k) loans. That interest, along with your repayments, is deposited into your account, and reinvested. Your repayments are deducted from your paycheck, although this time, after-tax. That means, for every $1 you pay back to the loan, you need to earn about $1.30 (give or take, depending on your state and federal tax bracket).
It is important to note that, although you are "paying yourself back", the interest is not free.
Interest on 401(k) loans is designed to keep you on track for retirement. As previously stated, your money is withdrawn from the market, so it will miss out the full benefits of compound growth during the repayment period. In other words: returns that would have otherwise been earned passively, you are now footing the bill for - with after-tax dollars - and it still might not be enough.
Opportunity Cost: Not Seen, but Felt
The typical 401(k) loan term is 5 years, although it can be paid back quicker. Historically, the stock market sees positive returns over a 5-year time frame. Over the past 5 years (as of April 30,2024), the S&P 500 has seen returns of 70.94%, or 11.32% annualized. The S&P 500 Index delivered its worst five-year return of -6.6% per year over the five years ending in February 2009.
As you can see, it's not quite a 50/50 shot at whether the market will see positive returns over a 5-year period. As you increase the time frame, positive market returns become even more reliable.
Even at today's higher prime rate, the interest rate on a 401(k) loan would not have kept pace with S&P 500 over the last 5 years. This means you would end up with a lower 401(k) balance, and you foot the bill for the growth.
Example: Taking a loan from a Traditional 401(k) for a down payment
Anne borrowed from her 401(k) in 2019 at a 6% interest rate in order to increase her down payment on her condo.
Assuming $10,000 borrowed at 6%, Anne will have made $11,580 in total payments by the end of the term. That $10,000, if left never borrowed, would be worth $15,357.
In order to pay that $11,580, the Anne earned $15,054, and had to pause normal contributions to the 401(k) that would have otherwise deferred taxes on those earnings.
In the end, that someone has $11,580 in their 401k - all paid in with after-tax dollars. Had the money never been borrowed, and Anne contributed that $15,054 earned to their 401(k), her 401(k) balance would be $30,411 - a difference of $18,831 at the end of the 5-year period.
After 30-years, that difference is somewhere in the ballpark of $548,000.\*
^(\Calculation assumes $15,054 in earnings was invested monthly at a flat rate of $250.90/month for 60 months at a 11.32% average annual return, then compounded at 10% average annual monthly return with no additional contributions.)*
Caveat: that $10,000 was invested in her condo, and that is important to factor.
Assuming her condo has increased in value by 50% over the past 5 years (8.45% annualized rate of return), that $10,000 is worth now worth $15,000 in home equity.
Concluding the 5-year period, Anne as a total of $26,580 to show for her decision to borrow between her $11,580 401(k) balance and $15,000 home equity. Her net worth is $3,831 less than it would be had she not taken out the loan.

Summary

While accessing 401(k) funds for a down payment on a home may seem like a viable option, it's crucial to weigh the associated costs, penalties, and long-term implications. Understanding the intricacies of early withdrawals and loans from 401(k) accounts empowers individuals to make informed financial decisions that align with their short-term goals and long-term goals.

Hi everyone,
I used to frequently lurk on this reddit looking for some ways to deal with my case of anxiety induced OAB. I thought I’d chime and share a success story that had with my battle with overactive bladder. I just want to start with some background I’m 29m with not major medical or health complications, I’m healthy and physically active (at the time that my symptoms really cracked off I was probably the fittest I had been in my life).
My symptoms all started in August of 2022 and they came on suddenly. To set the scene it was a beautiful sunny Saturday and I had some plans to go surfing with some mates latter in the afternoon. There was some pretty good swell due at one of my favourite beaches in town and I was super exited (maybe a little nervous because it was going to be kind of larger surf that I was used to. In the morning I had breakie and a cup of coffee. I was really excited about this new coffee that I had got from the store. Immediately after the coffee I was a little anxious but nothing out of the ordinary, I thought it was nervous jitters for the surf session. Anyways my mated pick me up and we head to the beach (it was about an hour drive away). On the car trip I remember having to pee but again nothing out of the ordinary. We go surfing for about 2-3 hours, and I didn’t have to go once the entire time I was out. I get out of the water and change, and that when it all started. I went to use the bathroom and immediately afterwards had to go again (I thought it was weird and tried to go again but there was nothing…okay…). pack up the car and start driving, and the urge was strong again, stoped to go again still not much again. So I suffered for the rest of the car ride home feeling like I was going to go in my pants the whole time. It was at this point my anxiety shot through the roof and I felt like a panic attack was coming on (I had one earlier in the year so I kind of recognized the symptoms of it). I get home and try everything I can to get myself to calm down and nothing worked. The plan was to go home and then meet my friend for homemade pizza at their house (20 minute drive away). I get ready and use the bathroom and get halfway to my friends house only to have to stop and go again. I struggle through the dinner have to excuse myself once or twice to go again still there was not too much. By the end of the day I had burned 3500 calories of stress. I figured it was anxiety at the time and I hoped that it would get better in the morning.
But that urge became something I constantly had to deal with, and when I say constant I mean like I’d go and immediately feel like I needed to go again (maybe 5 minutes of relief between visits). This would lead to me having to go to the bathroom maybe 20 times a day or so. I missed out on movies, shows, drinking with my mates, had to start planning my life around bathroom access, and coffee. (At the time I would have done anything to be able to have a pint or a cup of coffee with my mated and not have to worry about my symptoms getting worse). All this worry was starting consume a large part of my day to day thinking. I mean it’s not like it a symptom that you can just ignore. Fomos and the general anxiety around whether was was going to get better This really stressed me out and made the problem much worse as time went on.
I figured I’d wait and see before going to the doctor see what was going on. After about a week with nothing getting better I decided to go see a doctor. They did some test which all came back negative, I had an ultrasound and everything was clear. At the ultrasound appointment with less than 100ml of liquid in my bladder the feeling was so intense the lady even showed me that there was nothing there on her screen (again this clued me into thinking maybe this was a physiological issue rather than physical one). They said there was nothing that they could find that was medically wrong with me but they would refer me to a urologist to give me the all clear. At this point in my mind there were not major medical issues with me, so there were two potential causes (1) anxiety and (2) a nagging injury. Re (2) I had a nagging groin injury that I sustained at the beginning of the year. I was going to pt for it and thought I could have been surfing from a hypertonic pelvic floor and that was causing the oab symptoms. I couldn’t get an appointment for several months so there was a long period of just waiting while still battling with this constant urge to use the bathroom.
After that appointment I figured I’m dealing with the injury with pt already so maybe I should try to focus on the anxiety aspect. So I tired everything that I could do to reduce my symptoms, drink less coffee, meditate (headspace), saw a therapist, stepped back my work as much as I could to get some time to relax, kept physically active (surfing running climbing multiple times a week), spent time with friends and still nothing made me feel better.
I think this was a period where I was the most stressed that I had ever been. Lets just say 2022 was a year I would not want to repeat anytime soon. To list all that I had going on (tw: cancer, suicide(friend), family member death ) :

1. I was living abroad in nz and was far from family, and my partner. My dad earlier in the year had been diagnosed with cancer and was going through treatments.
2. My really good friend attempted suicide twice (The first time I was the closest person to him and he confided in me with his intentions and everything. Probably the most stressful we ek of my life)
3. My friends mental health emergency lead to me having to move flats on short notice because I didn’t feel safe where I lived because I was threatened by my friend after calling the cops on him to do a wellness check. I went from living in boarding situation with 12 really good friends to living in a studio which was super isolating.
4. I felt afraid around the town because of these treats and made it harder to relax. Plus running which was my biggest outlet for stress and the thing that I did with my friend became to hard for me to do. It kept giving my ptsd flashbacks of the event.
5. my grandfather passed away shortly after my father was diagnosed with cancer.

(tw:end)

1. I was in the process of writing my thesis at the time and had my defence deadline approaching nearer and nearer.
2. I was planning on moving back to my home country at the end of the year which meant that I was going to loose my whole support system and have to start fresh again. I had to worry about selling most of the stuff I own (car, furniture, clothes, surfboards etc.)
3. I was also planning a carrier change from one research to a completely different field of study. I’m an academic and I wanted try something new. You either get to pick where you live or the research you do.
4. worried about jobs I was going to get when I moved back and how I was going to support myself. This is related to 8)

I feel like any one of these events would be a lot to deal with on its own. This was all coming off the tail end of covid as well, thing were starting to get back to normal but there were still periodic lock downs. I feel like it had been a year of very high constant stress and everything together overloaded me. It hasn’t been uncommon for anxiety to manifest as physical symptoms for me before. I remember earlier in the year before the oab really kicked off that I couldn’t eat food without it making me feel sick. it turns out that anxiety cracks up stomach acid and that can make you feel nauseous. The doctor was able to help me out with.
Well to continue the story I went and saw urologist and he said that everything was clear and there was nothing to worry about. Just have to wait for things to calm down, he did give me some oxybutynin that didn’t really help. Then shorty after that I had to sell everything I owned and I flew back home. I remember that flight being kind of hard, I was sad to leave the country and anxious for the new life I was about to begin. It really enhanced the symptoms that I was experiencing.
I moved back to the USA at the end of 2023 and that is when I began trying to tackle this problem in earnest. The urologist recommended that I tried bladder retraining while it was helpful to see progress it still didn’t help with the symptoms that much. I tired cbd for my anxiety and had some success. It seemed to help manage my symptoms. I moved from summer in the southern hemisphere, to the middle of the winter in the northern hemisphere and the lack of sun didn’t help my mental health.
At this point I could go maybe 30 minutes between trips to the bathroom. I didn’t have coffee, or alcohol (didn’t even dream of it). Car trips were miserable, would spend most of them stressed I wouldn’t find a bathroom. Still had the constant urge to use the bathroom. Things were not fun. Luckily I had a decent amount of money in savings so I took some time to relax while I was waiting to defend my thesis. (I think I took about 6-7 months to myself)
Okay I’m sure you all know all that symptoms and how miserable they can be. Here’s what worked for me:
First thing I’d say is go see a doctor. Reddit is great but a doctor will be able to tell if there is anything physically wrong with you. Then trust what they say. When are you a dealing with a health related thing that is related to anxiety the most important thing is to make sure that you have a clean bill of health.
Once you know nothing is wrong physically here are some ways of dealing with oab caused my anxiety:

1. Talk: Talk to your love ones about what you are dealing with. Tell them you are struggling with this medical issue and you may need to pull over and use the bathroom or disappear for a couple minutes. They will understand if they love you. I waited a long time to open up to my partner about this, and I felt a lot better after I told her what I was struggling with.
2. Face this head on: Don’t retreat still do things go outside got to shows bars the store. You will be able to find a bathroom you don’t need to worry. Remember that stuff that you love to do don’t let oab rule your life. Its going to be scary but its good to face these anxieties head on. If you start canceling events because you are afraid of bathroom access will lead to further isolation, and eventually agoraphobia (not a good place to end up)
3. Bladder retraining: This gives you a way to track progress and play chicken with your bladder in a controlled manner. You are trying to teach your brain the difference between really and fake signals. This will help you gain trust in yourself again. Remember this is gradual process.
4. Professional help. Shortly after getting back to the states I started getting professional help to deal with all the stress I had in my life. I needed somewhere where I could process everything I was going through. I got the quickest appointment I could and took the first one I could get. By involving doctors and therapist and even your loved ones you are not tackling this problem alone anymore you have a team of people helping you. Plus they can give you ideas on how to manage your stress and anxiety.
5. Headspace: In a similar vein headspace and mindfulness will help with learning how to acknowledge how we are feeling and move on. We are always going to need to use the bathroom there is no way around it and we sometimes will have the feeling that we need to go when we don’t need to. In the same way there is no getting rid of anxiety, what mindfulness does is help change our relationship with these feelings. You could try the session on chronic pain because what we are experiencing is a persistent unwanted sensation from out body like a form of pain. There is also more general ones about anxiety. I think we can borrow some of the ideas that people dealing with chronic pain use to to deal with the urges that we experience ( I don’t know how much there is to this though).
6. (a) side tangent: I saw this guy in nz who said that when people are dealing with heartache sometimes taking a painkiller (like Tylenol or ibuprofen) can help deal with the pain. Even though the pain is psychosomatic the feeling is still real, and the painkiller can actually help with managing the heartbreak. (see)
7. Medication: Trying anti anxiety meds was the biggest thing for me. What I really needed after all the stress was some mental space. For me lexapro gave me this space. I know that finding the right medication to be on can be hard and its a long process to find the one that is right for you. I’m currently on the lowest dose (5mg) and I have been taking it for about 1.5 years with little side effects (only if I miss a dose I feel a little dizzy in the evening). I know anti-anxiety meds get a bad wrap these days and I feel like there is a lot of misinformation about them. People worry that it is going numb them that they are going to feel like themselves, or that people are going to judge them for taking it, but in my case that hasn’t been my experience. If you are at a high level of stress it can help bring you back down to baseline, it can give you the space to acknowledge the things that make you feel anxious and move on. I highly recommend trying this out. I should also say here that it does take 1.5-2 months for the meds to really start working, and during that time your anxiety can increase (but its worth it!!!)
8. CBD: if you don’t want to try an anti anxiety med try CBD, it really helps with stress and I found that it was pretty good at helping with some OAB symptoms at first but you build up a tolerance to it when you are taking it daily, and it can become expensive. What I found that worked for me was around 10-15mg 3 times a day (breakfast lunch and dinner). This helped me be less stressed in the car our when I was out walking places and there was no bathroom nearby.

When this all started I didn’t ever think I was going to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee again or go to a bar and have a pint and drive home with out a worry. After working at this for the last 2 years I’ve been able to get to a place where I can have a coffee and then go for a long car ride and have no symptoms. I’m able to go to a triva night and enjoy a beer without having to get up every 10 minutes to use the bathroom. I’m able to sit through meeting without having to leave 3-4. I’ve been able to give a 1 hr long talk to a large group of people (something I wouldn’t have been able to do because oab at the beginning of all this) with no issues. In my experience there is no instant cure for this, don’t say this to be negative but more so to say that its going to take hard work, and there is hope. I was able to overcome this thing and so can you! I hope this helps and thanks for taking the time to read my post.

A thread for new collectors to ask basic questions of the community.
Frequently Asked Questions below!
A longer version of the subreddit rules is here.
For questions specifically concerning bootlegs or vendor legitimacy, please ask in the Bootleg Megathread.
NSFW & Spoiler Guidelines

• For Self Posts: include a bolded NSFW note next to links in that post.
• For Links to sites/images: If the figure is NSFW, or the website has any NSFW content (including ads) be sure to tag your post NSFW and use the appropriate link flair.

Bootlegs
Any collection posts containing bootlegs, comments advocating buying bootlegs, or links to sites selling bootlegs, recasts, or unlicensed merchandise will be removed.
People often ask about the legitimacy and/or safety of a number of websites which sell large resin statues. The more commonly-asked of those deal primarily in resins from studios which do not have a license from the Japanese IP holders to produce merchandise. Therefore links to those sites are not permitted here. Another sign is if MyFigureCollection doesn't list the either the statue, its manufacturer, or the shop it's being sold on.
MyFigureCollection
My Figure Collection is like MyAnimeList... but for figures! Their database includes thousands of items which been produced during the last couple of decades, along with reviews of shops and other helpful articles. One can also list their own collection and post gallery photos.
Shops

Retailers:
AmiAmi HobbySearch Mandarake (sells rare figures) Good Smile Company Online Shop (often has exclusives) Good Smile Company US shop Crunchyroll Store Hobby Link Japan (aka HLJ) Solaris Japan (MFC partner) BigBadToyStore (MFC partner, US retailer) Big in Japan (also has proxy service) Tokyo Otaku Mode FigureHaven Archonia (EU) Yorokonde (EU) Figuya (EU) Gamersheek (UK) Jungle
List of retailers on MFC
/AnimeFigures' List of Retailers
Community Guide to Shopping in Japan

Blogs/News:

Nekomagic (News/Previews) NyaaFigurines (Reviews/Releases) Kahotan's Blog (News/Reviews) Figma Blog (JP)

Buying & Shipping

1. What’s the best place to buy my anime figures from?
That’s going to depend a lot on what works for you, but most people around here buy them from Amiami, Big in Japan, Hobby Search, HobbyLink Japan, or Tokyo Otaku Mode. If none of those work for you for whatever reason, there’s a list of reputable retailers in the sidebar that you can check out at any time. Be extra careful when ordering figures from websites like Amazon or ebay, as there are a lot of bootlegs on those sites. Don’t be afraid to ask in our Bootleg Megathread if you’re unsure.
2. What differences are there between the shipping options I get from most Japanese shops?
Below is a rundown of the main shipping choices you’ll get at most retailers. Keep in mind that if an order is large enough you will be forced to use one of the more expensive options, as SAL shipments have lower size and weight restrictions.

• Unregistered SAL: Sometimes referred to as uSAL, is usually the cheapest method. It does not come with any tracking or insurance. Usually takes up 2-4 weeks for delivery.
• Registered SAL: Sometimes referred to as rSAL, is insured for the declared value up to 6,000 yen. It comes with a tracking number and usually takes 2-4 weeks for delivery.
• EMS: This method of shipping is much faster than either SAL options, usually arriving within a week of shipment. EMS shipments are insured for the declared value up to 2,000,000 yen.
• Airmail
• E-packet
• Surface: Shops don't offer this very often. It's an actual cargo ship and slow as a result.
  
• DHL: Becoming more available as an alternative to EMS on AmiAmi and other sites. Can be less expensive than EMS and of comparable speed, but may be more reliant on the specific geographical area being shipped to. The price is also determined by the size of the box. Offers their own tracking.
  

3. I placed two+ orders for figures at different times. Will my items be shipped together, or will I have to pay shipping twice?
Most shops will ask you to pay shipping on a per-order basis, but here are some that will allow combined shipping:

• Amiami: You can combine orders here, as long as the orders ship in the same month. It doesn’t matter if the item is new or preowned. Any preorders that are set for that month can also be combined with other orders for that month. However, be aware that if the preorder gets delayed, Amiami will remove that item from that month’s shipment and place it on a new order. To combine orders on Amiami, use the “Combine Orders” feature under “My Account”.
  
• Hobby Search: Hobby Search will let you combine orders that release in the same month, but you cannot combine in stock items with preorders. If you want to combine multiple preorders, or multiple in stock items, you can do so using the “Order Recombination” feature on your account page.
  
• HobbyLink Japan: At HLJ, you have the option to send paid orders to their “Private Warehouse”, where you can store them for up to 2 months. When you’re ready to ship the items, you simply select which items to ship and HLJ will combine them into one shipment for you. To use this, just select the “Private Warehouse” option as shipping when you order.
  

If you’re unsure about whether or not a shop we haven’t listed will combine your orders, please refer to their individual FAQs.
4. When will I get charged for my preorder?
Most Japanese shops charge you once the item is in stock and ready for shipment. When that happens, they will send you an email asking for payment. Some shops (mostly overseas ones), will allow you to pay for the item up front though, if you’d like. A few with that option are:

• Big in Japan (Japanese store)
• Tokyo Otaku Mode
• Anime Island
• Crunchyroll

Keep in mind that overseas stores will likely get the figure a few months after Japanese ones, so pay attention to the release date stated on the website you are buying from so as to avoid that confusion.
5. Should I expect to pay customs fees when importing figures?
That depends on where you live. Here’s a quick rundown:

• Australia: 10% GST is now assessed up front.
• Canada: Minimum declared value for charges is around CAD$20 for regular shipments, and CAD$60 for gifts (gifting something only seems to lower the declared value by about CAD$40, not deplete it completely). When using Amiami, try their Small Air Packet option. It comes with tracking, gets there in about the same time as EMS, and is better at avoiding customs.
• European Union: As of 1st July 2021, VAT has to be paid on all goods imported from outside of the EU. Retailers are supposed charge VAT for purchases under €150, however many Japanese retailers currently do not, so VAT will be charged when your order arrives in the EU. Orders that are >€150, VAT and duty will be charged by your local customs.
• UK: As of 1st January 2021, VAT is to be charged by retailers for orders <£135. However, customs isn't currently charging VAT on parcels valued at <£135, even if the VAT hasn't been paid. Goods >£135 will have their VAT and duty calculated and charged by customs.
• Mexico: Minimum declared value for customs fees is USD$300 for shipments by post, and USD$50 for shipments by courier.
• United States: A shipment has to have a declared value of USD$2,000 before customs starts hitting you with fees, so you most likely won’t have to worry about them at all.

6. The figure I want is an exclusive, how do I go about ordering one outside of Japan?
You have three options for this:
A. Big in Japan is known to stock exclusive figures and ship to other countries. Usually the price is higher because they build in their proxy fees, but it’s easier than worrying about using a forwarder or proxy service. If you live in the US, Crunchyroll, Right Stuf, and Tokyo Otaku Mode also get exclusives sometimes, but out of the states the shipping can get expensive.
B. Forwarding Services: A forwarder is someone who you ship an exclusive item to so that they can forward the package on to you, usually for a flat fee + shipping. When using a forwarder you still make the purchase yourself, and enter their address into the shipping field. When the box arrives at the forwarder they will then stick your address onto the package and send it on its way.
Some popular forwarders are:

• Big in Japan
• Tenso

Be sure to read each sites instructions on forwarding carefully!
C. Proxy Services: With a proxy, you tell them what the item you’re looking for is and they will purchase it in your stead. This is handy for when a company doesn’t accept foreign credit cards, or you’re having trouble navigating a Japanese website.
Some popular proxies are:

• Big in Japan (Won’t proxy for Yahoo Auctions)
• From Japan

Again, be sure you thoroughly read through each sites proxy instructions.
7. I see a bunch of really cheap figures that ship from China on ebay. Are those okay to buy?
Generally, no. They’re most likely bootlegs. If you want a second opinion on that, feel free to ask in the Bootleg Megathread that’s always stickied at the top of the sub.
8. What’s a bootleg, and how can I avoid buying them?
A bootleg is a counterfeit figure often made using rejected molds of the official product. They are usually priced significantly lower than the genuine article, and in order to make their profit, bootleggers use lower quality materials and have less attention to detail- resulting in a substandard figure.
The Bootleg Megathread that I mentioned in question 7 is a great tool to avoid buying any bootlegs. It has a few tips and tricks to avoiding them to begin with, and a few more on how to spot them if you’re worried you might already own one.
9. Does anyone know when figure X is going to be released? How do I know if it was delayed?
My Figure Collection (sometimes referred to as MFC) does an excellent job of staying on top of information like release dates and delays. If you’re curious about an upcoming figures release date, check there first. This information can be found directly under the “Releases” section on a figure’s entry. If you only see a month and a year in that section, it means the release date has not yet been announced by the manufacturer, and there is still a chance the figure could be delayed.
If you make an account on MFC you can also subscribe to comments, changes, and pictures via a checkbox on the right hand side of a figure’s listing. Subscribing to any of these things will allow MFC to send you an email anytime the subscription in question updates. Subscribing to “changes” is a great way to keep up with release dates and delays, among other things.
10. The figure I want is long sold out at normal retailers! What’s the best place to pick it up in the aftermarket?
A list of reputable retailers can be found under the “Shops” section of the /AnimeFigures sidebar. They all sell legitimate products, and many of them also sell figures second hand. However, the most frequently suggested second hand sites are Mandarake and Amiami- who has a preowned section that they update every night save Sundays and Japanese holidays around 1PM JST and again around 6PM JST.
AmiAmi grades their pre-owned items on a letter scale. The general consensus from buyers is that their ratings are conservative, so unless the item and/or packaging is specifically indicated as having significant flaws, pre-owned items from them are usually in at least as good a condition as their rating suggests.
Note: When you search Mandarake, you’ll get the best results by using the Japanese characters for whatever you are searching. If you don’t know them, you can find them on MFC by clicking on any of the “details” in that figure’s listing.
11. Amiami has a figure I’m interested in labeled as “For sale in Japan only”. Does this mean I can’t order it without a proxy or forwarder?
No, you can still order it. Amiami’s English site has that warning on many items, and it’s mostly meant to inform you that this product was made for a Japanese market, and as such, will have Japanese speaking/writing in it- so don’t expect any instructions to be in English. If Amiami doesn’t want foreigners buying a certain product, they won’t even list it on their English site.

Displaying Your Figures

12. What display cases do you recommend?
If you live near an Ikea try out one of these:

• Klingsbo
• Billy (Often used with Morliden doors (now the HÖGBO and glass shelves.)
• Detolf: Formerly the go-to choice for inexpensive display cabinetry, the Detolf was first made flimsier around 2020 and then essentially phased out of the name, to become the BLÅLIDEN. Knockoff versions of widely-varying quality are commonly found on other shopping sites these days, though.

*If you decided on a Detolf, you might find that there is a lot of wasted space. Here are a few tutorials on raising the shelves or and adding extra ones in.

• Using metal clips
• Using acrylic supports and PVC pipe

If you don’t live near an Ikea, Amazon has a few display options, though they are more expensive. Also keep an eye on your local Craigslist (or your country’s equivalent) and stores near you that are closing up.
13. What lighting do you guys recommend?
Ikea’s Dioder LED strips were discontinued after a long run. A current version is the Vattensten, if you're inclined to buy your case and lights at the same time.
LED strips have become very commonly available in recent years; most hardware and home furnishing stores carry a selection now. Just make sure that the lights don’t get too hot!
14. What are those clear plastic boxes that I see under everyone’s figures in their collection posts, and where can I get them?
Those are called risers. Most of us use standard acrylic risers like these. Some other, easy to find things that have been suggested are:

• Plastic picture cubes
• Card Deck Boxes
• If you’re feeling adventurous, try making your own!

Check your local hobby store for the first 2 options, or your local hardware store if you want to make your own.
Another common suggestion is to visit The Container Store if you have one near you. They have a lot of things to choose from that can suit a variety of needs. Be sure to check out their standard acrylic risers, their Amac boxes, and the various display cases they sell (baseball cases, mini car cases. hockey puck cases, etc).
15. Should I keep my figures sealed?
That is, of course, up to you really, but here are a few things to keep in mind when debating this question:

• Keeping it sealed can actually damage your figure. PVC figures usually have something called plasticizer in them, and that plasticizer needs to be able to breath. If a PVC figure isn’t exposed to oxygen, after a period of time the plasticizer starts to break down and form a sticky substance on the surface of the figure. Simply opening your figures and taking them out of the box prevents this from happening. If you happen to find plasticizer goo on one of your figures, Kahotan has a handy guide for dealing with it.
• Unlike some other figure markets, keeping an anime figure sealed won’t raise its value by a whole lot. In fact, because of the plasticizer problem mentioned above, your figure could actually be in better condition if you open it versus keeping it sealed.

Finding the Right Figure(s) for You

16. What are "scales" and "prizes"? What is the difference between them?
Those are classifications for figures based on a few factors.

• "Prizes" are generally more simply produced figures which are intended to be given as prizes for playing arcade games. They are inexpensive and lack the detail of scale figures, though some prize figure lines have standouts which may approach lower-end scales in quality. That is uncommon and often depends on the individual figure.
• "Scales" are called such because they are nominally designed to be proportional to the dimensions of the character which they are based on. They are generally of much better manufacture and materials than prize figures, allowing for more detail in painting, accessories, or complex poses.
• "Trading" figures appear in gashapon machines or as blind boxes on shop counters, often as sets which include multiple characters. As suggested by the class name, the randomness encourages trading. They are usually very inexpensively-produced, though as with prizes, some series are better than others.
• "Non-scale" encompasses a variety of other categories. It is often used to describe poseable figure lines such as figma and Nendoroids.

In recent years producers such as Good Smile Company attempted to further bridge the gap between prize quality and scales by introducing figure lines which are intended to be moderately-priced while retaining a higher level of detail than the typical prize figure, to varying levels of success.
17. There are so many figure companies! Who makes good figures?!
Obviously this is a very subjective question, but as a general starting point, here are a few well renowned figure companies:

• Alter
• Max Factory
• Good Smile Company
• Kotobukiya (usually hit or miss for people. Use your best judgement based off of the prototype)
• Flare
• Stronger

18. I really love “series X / character X”- how can I check if any figures were ever made for it?
My Figure Collection can be your best friend here. Simply do a search on the name of the series or character using the search bar located at the top right of the screen, and all associated figures pop up!
Alternatively, if you’re looking at a figure’s MFC entry, most of the text under the “Details” section can be clicked on and used to run a search.
19. How can I commission a custom figure?
None of the major figure companies (Alter, Kotobukiya, Good Smile Company, etc.) will take a commission for a single figure. This thread has a few websites in it that you can check out, or you can look into garage kits. Some kit painters would be willing to resculpt, frankenstein together, or otherwise modify kits for the right price.
If you're looking for help completing a garage kit, /brushforhire may be useful.

Keeping Up with New Announcements

20. How can I keep up with figure news (announcements, updates, etc.)?
Most people use a MFC combined with any or all of the following news sites:

• Neko Magic
• Alter’s Blog (In Japanese)
• Kahotan’s Blog (Only GSC and their sister companies)

Many figure companies are active on Twitter, so following them there is recommended for quicker news.
To use MFC for this I’ll quote question #9.

If you make an account on MFC you can also subscribe to comments, changes, and pictures via a checkbox on the right hand side of a figure’s listing. Subscribing to any of these things will allow MFC to send you an email anytime the subscription in question updates. Subscribing to “changes” is a great way to keep up with release dates and delays, among other things.

Most companies have one or more Twitter accounts. Some examples: Good Smile Company sales, Good Smile's USA branch, Max Factory, AmiAmi Hobby News.
21. Everyone’s excited about something called Wonfes….. what the heck is that?!
WonFes (short for Wonder Festival) is a biannual figure expo where many figure producers (both large and small) show off new sculpts and updates to figures already under way. Most companies save their most exciting announcements for WonFes, so we all look forward to the expo whenever it rolls around! Winter Wonder Festival is usually held in February, while Summer Wonder Festival is usually in July. The event has also spread to Shanghai, in the late spring.
22. One or two (or 15) figures were announced at WonFes that I’m really excited about! How can I keep track of their progress once the event is over?
MFC is always really quick about getting new WonFes announcements (or any others throughout the year, for that matter) listed in their database, so we suggest using that. To find a figure from the event you can search any number of things, including the name of the character or the name of the show. You can also use the tag search to search “WonderFestival 20xx_[season]” to see all items announced at that event.

According to most studies there is a sweet spot where doing cardiovascular exercise is beneficial to longevity. This is minimum 150 minutes, and maximum around 300 minutes on average. So the minimum effective dose for Zone 2 is 150 minutes, and the maximum effective dose before risks begin occurring is somewhere beyond 300 minutes a week.
So you can do 2 hours of Zone 2 cardio, for 5 days a week, getting 10 hours of Zone 2 a week, and you'll probably be on the high end, but to start doing more than this and the risks begin outweighing the benefits.
Several studies have explored the effects of prolonged endurance training on the heart, particularly in relation to cardiac remodeling and the risk of atrial fibrillation (Afib). Here are some key studies and reviews that back up the points mentioned:

Cardiac Remodeling and Endurance Training

1. Myocardial Adaptation in Athletes:
   • Study: "The athlete's heart: A meta-analysis of cardiac structure and function" by Pelliccia et al. (2002).
   • Findings: This study showed that athletes engaged in long-term endurance training often develop increased left ventricular mass and wall thickness, indicative of cardiac remodeling. However, these changes are typically benign and reversible with reduced training intensity.
2. Atrial Enlargement:
   • Study: "Atrial dimensions in elite athletes: Further evidence for an athlete’s heart" by Pelliccia et al. (2005).
   • Findings: This research demonstrated that elite endurance athletes frequently exhibit increased atrial size, which is a marker of atrial remodeling and a potential risk factor for atrial fibrillation.

Risk of Atrial Fibrillation

1. Endurance Training and AFib Risk:
   • Study: "Long-term endurance sport practice increases the risk of atrial fibrillation" by Mont et al. (2009).
   • Findings: The study found that individuals engaging in long-term endurance sports had a significantly higher risk of developing atrial fibrillation compared to non-athletes. The risk was related to the cumulative duration and intensity of exercise.
2. Autonomic Imbalance and AFib:
   • Study: "Vagal atrial fibrillation" by Coumel et al. (1994).
   • Findings: This research highlighted that increased vagal tone, commonly seen in endurance athletes, can trigger atrial fibrillation, particularly during periods of rest or recovery after exercise.

Mechanisms and Intensity vs. Duration

1. Fibrosis and Endurance Exercise:
   • Study: "Myocardial fibrosis and exercise-induced cardiac remodeling in athletes" by Benito et al. (2011).
   • Findings: The study indicated that chronic endurance exercise could lead to myocardial fibrosis, a potential substrate for arrhythmias including atrial fibrillation. This fibrosis is more pronounced with higher exercise volumes and intensities.
2. Intensity vs. Duration:
   • Review: "Endurance exercise and the heart: the good, the bad, and the ugly" by Eijsvogels and Thompson (2015).
   • Findings: This review discussed how both the intensity and duration of endurance exercise contribute to cardiac adaptations and potential risks. It emphasized that prolonged high-intensity exercise could exacerbate the risk of adverse cardiac events, while moderate-intensity, longer-duration exercise also carries risks if done excessively.

Overall Evidence

1. Systematic Review:
   • Review: "Endurance exercise and risk of cardiovascular events" by Mohlenkamp et al. (2008).
   • Findings: This systematic review concluded that while endurance exercise generally benefits cardiovascular health, there is a notable risk of atrial fibrillation and other arrhythmias in individuals who engag

If you are working out on the higher side of the recommended dose (over 300 minutes a week) and you have episodes of tachycardia, chest pain, fainting or similar symptoms, it's a good idea to see a cardiologist and ask for an echo exam. An echo exam can detect cardiac remodeling before it becomes irreversible. It can usually be reversed by detraining. Simply don't do any cardio for around 3 months and in most instances the left ventricular hypertrophy will be gone.
VO2Max is primarily genetic. Some people are gifted with the sort of genetics where they can train doing 30, or 50 hours a week of cardio, and keep getting gains. Just like some people can do resistance training and put on 50lbs of muscle while others are hard gainers. If you've got the genes to be an elite endurance athlete you may be able to get away with doing more, and also have a higher VO2Max ceiling so that it's actually worth it. But if you've got a genetically set lower VO2Max then the excessive cardio will never raise your VO2Max to elite levels, and also put you at increasingly high risk of complications which could reduce your longevity.
In summary just get your 150-300 minutes of Zone 2, with 15-20 minutes of Zone 3 or HIIT, and you'll be in a very good position according to the studies.

I wasn't planning on watching Thrice Upon A Time. I had not liked the previous films and they seemed like a very inferior product compared to the original anime. However, the good reviews and opinions I saw about it encouraged me to do so. I did it with as open and tolerant a mind as possible, knowing that there was a good chance I wouldn't like the film. "What's the worst that could happen? That I don't like it and continue to prefer the original series? At least I'll be entertained for two and a half hours," I thought. What I did not expect at all is the deep feeling of disgust and repulsion that this film provoked in me, in a way that no other film has provoked in years.
I hated the movie from start to finish. I could spend hours talking about the boring action sequences, about its ugly, excessive CGI that ruins the already ugly mecha, about its disgusting hypersexualization of fucking 14-year-old girls, about how Misato's plans don't make sense, about how Last Kiss almost made me tear my ears off, or its plot full of Deus Ex Machinas with concepts conveniently taken by Hideaki Anno from the place that his last name suggests; but the real reason I'm writing this is because I feel like these movies spit on everything the excellent original work represents.
Not only because as adaptations they fail miserably, but also because they retroactively damage the original work (we'll talk about that later).
Before I begin to explain why the rebuilds are bad adaptations, I want to warn that I am going to do a relatively exhaustive review of the 4 films, so this rant is going to be very long, like staying up late on a winter night with chronic insomnia. That said, let's start to see the reasons:
WHAT IS NEON GENESIS EVANGELION?:
To understand why rebuilds fail as remakes, I must first ask you, dear reader: What does Neon Genesis Evangelion mean to you? (it should at least be familiar to you, unless you've spent your life under a bridge) What do you think about when you read that title, apart from Shinji fucking in front of a comatose Asuka? What comes to mind when you hear the most famous opening in anime history, apart from Shinji strangling the otter against Happy Thursday's throat? (in more ways than one). If your answer is: "It's a mecha anime for emos with a coomer protagonist", that's fine, I respect that; but please press the red "X" in the top right corner of your screen, you can now leave.
Now, I'm going to get serious and explain my definition: Evangelion is a work about the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties of forming emotional bonds that human beings have, as well as the consequences of trying to separate from them for fear of rejection. It is not a story about heroes. It's not a story about saving the world. In Evangelion there are neither heroes nor villains, but rather a group of emotionally broken characters trying to be happy in a world just as broken as them. The real enemy of Evangelion is not the angels. It is the lack of communication and empathy.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilema_del_erizo
It is that same lack of communication and empathy that progressively causes everything to go to hell to conclude with a cathartic and bleak ending, but consistent with the themes of the work. It is therefore an existentialist work about human relationships disguised as a mecha anime. This, added to a unique visual style, daring direction, and mechas like never before seen on television, made Evangelion one of the most influential anime in all of history, as well as a true commercial success for Gainax Studio. Success that encouraged other studios to carry out projects such as Cowboy Bebop or Serial Experiment Lain, taking anime towards a new golden age.
Even today you can hear the echoes of that Third Impact of End of Evangelion in 1997. The list of works influenced by Evangelion both inside and outside of Japan is endless. Of course, it is not a perfect work, nor extensive in errors: its target audience is ambiguous, many of the biblical references are more for decoration than anything else, and several aspects of the ending(s) could have been explained better. However, many of these errors can be attributed to a lack of time and budget during the production of the original anime (which was quite chaotic and improvised); therefore, they are understandable and forgivable.
In summary, we can conclude that Evangelion is a dark, introspective, provocative and unique work (at least at its time). This is also combined with a unique visual identity and complex characters whose relationships intertwine and interconnect throughout the work. The sum of all these factors is what led Evangelion to be such a critically acclaimed work that it transcended its own genre and became an icon of popular culture. And this in turn constitutes the biggest mistake of rebuilds; because they commit the biggest sin that an adaptation can commit: denying everything that made the original work great.
ADAPTING WITHOUT A CLEAR PURPOSE:
One of the biggest problems with these remakes (as well as a clear example of what I'm saying) is their total narrative inconsistency. Let me explain: the first rebuilds movie (1.11) is a literal copy-paste of the first 6 chapters of the original anime, with practically the same scenes, dialogues and even music. This makes the film completely redundant and unnecessary (and makes one wonder why it exists); But in any case, the message is being conveyed that the purpose of these remakes is to adapt the original series as faithfully as possible to the cinema with a current animation style.
However, the second movie (2.22) is a... something. A pastiche of new and old things where the plot broadly follows that of the original anime, but with many things changed (of course, for the worse) and a different ending. All this compressing no less than 14 chapters of the original anime into two and a half hours. Here the message that one can infer is that it seeks to adapt the original story (very briefly) by changing and rearranging certain elements, now more in line with what an adaptation is.
However, then we get to 3.33 and... well, after a 14-year because reasons timeskip, we're now in a post-post-apocalyptic world (repetition intended) where ex-Nerv members fight against Nerv itself. Nerv in giant spaceships, there are mechas everywhere, Misato is a sociopath, and Shinji and Asuka still look exactly the same because "DAMN JEBA." Here we can infer that what is sought is to create a totally new story and take it in different directions than the original. The following movie (3.0+1.01) is the only one that is consistent with this purpose.
Whether all these narrative pirouettes were planned in advance or not (clearly not), we can see that there is a clear incongruity between what is intended to be done and what is finally done. All of this generates a strong narrative chaos where the elements and themes of the original anime are mixed with the new ones, creating a total inconsistency. Since also in 3.0+1.01 it is revealed (unfortunately to me) that everything is part of the same universe and this is not really a remake, the excuse of "they are different universes, they don't have to be the same" doesn't work either.
In fact, one thing that you will see me comment a lot throughout this article is the lack of narrative consistency of these remakes, especially in comparison to the original work.
A HEDGEHOG WITHOUT TICKS:
No character in Evangelion better embodies the central theme of the work than Shinji Ikari, its own protagonist. Shinji is not a hero: he is not brave. He is not a genius. He is not charismatic. He is not selfless. He doesn't want to save the world. His reason for piloting the Eva is to gain recognition and appreciation from others; especially from his father, whom he hates, but at the same time admires; He feels that she despises him, but he also wants (and needs) that she loves him. Shinji spends the entire series in the dilemma between escaping from what hurts him (classic avoidance behavior) or accepting it and moving on, even at the risk of being hurt again.
This theme is rock solid throughout the entire original series: from the first to the last chapter of the anime, and from minute one to the very end of End of Evangelion. Even the opening itself makes several visual references to Shinji's hedgehog dilemma. This can make Shinji an infuriating character for audiences accustomed to typical anime protagonists; but it's those same things that make Shinji such a unique and special character. He deconstructs and subverts the hero's journey. And it's not as if this hinders the plot: Shinji is not proactive, but he also does not spend the series crying, as many often claim.
https://files.catbox.moe/eolho0.mp4
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monomito
And as you may already be imagining, the Shinji of the rebuilds does not have a hedgehog's dilemma. Or rather, he has it, but only during the first movie (copy-paste of the original anime) and part of the second. This is a problem, because it creates a strong narrative inconsistency (again) where it seems that two Shinjis exist at the same time or that this one is bipolar. As of 3.33, Shinji's entire character arc is based on trying to redeem himself for his past mistakes first by unleashing "Almost Third Impact" (what a stupid name) and subsequently preventing Kaworu's death while trying to right said mistake.
Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. The problem is that I have already seen the arc of the hero who fails to eventually rise up and succeed in 100 trillion works, while the hedgehog's dilemma in none more than in Evangelion (at least in my case). Which makes Shinji a much less interesting character. Some might argue that in 3.0 + 1.01 Shinji does have such a dilemma because he spends half the movie crawling on the ground; but there is not a hedgehog's dilemma, but rather depression for having seen Kaworu's head go KAWOOM (I know, the joke was very bad, but if he didn't do it, I would explode too).
End of Evangelion's Shinji did have such a dilemma because the reason for his depression was having been manipulated and used by someone he had previously opened up to and then forced to kill him, not for failing in his mission (in fact, he was very efficient in her mission to separate Kaworu's head from her body), which in turn brings sexual (and later, deadly) results for Asuka. I insist: narrative consistency. But this is not the worst: the worst thing is that at certain moments in these films, Shinji becomes the typical shonen savior hero, betraying the central point of his character in the original series.
https://youtu.be/E-x-f2OrWeA
A perfect example of this is the ending of 2.22, where the fight in chapter 19 (COINCENTLY from where the original anime starts to get more introspective) is transformed into a ridiculous shipping attempt, with Rei turned into a damsel in distress and Shinji into a savior hero while spouting all the typical cliché lines, topped off with a disgustingly cheesy ending. But of course, how could it end otherwise? With Shinji's Eva practicing cannibalism on Zeruel's corpse (the original scene)? Too disturbing for current times. Shinji and Rei fighting as a team to defeat him? Yes of course. Rei has enough not being in the kitchen. Besides, Asuka already takes care of that, hoping to receive her alpha male's cock as a reward.
https://youtu.be/TPS0Uk0TkP0
Because, like any good modern anime protagonist, Shinji now has a harem.
FETISHING WITHOUT CONTROL:
Of all the characters who are now part of Shinji's harem, the one who is most harmed by this is Rei (Asuka's case is different, and the other character is an infernal creation from Anno's sick mind). Not only because acting like a bitch in heat goes totally against her personality and because of the murky situation, considering that she is a clone of Shinji's mother, but also because her character is reduced to a mere fetish object that does things cute to produce tenderness in the viewer and make coomers buy their figurines.
Rei is an interesting character because he raises numerous existential questions based on the ship of Theseus paradox: the concept of identity, to what extent we can consider ourselves still ourselves, the construction and definition of a "self", etc. But here, her screen time piloting her Unit 00 is minimal (COINCENTLY most of it in 1.11) and her exploits are practically irrelevant or non-existent, also being reduced to a mere damsel in distress at the end of 2.22, as I said before.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradoja_de_Teseo
In 3.0+1.01 he doesn't even get to pilot an Eva. Her role in the film is to cause pity and produce tenderness with her total ignorance (I see that the idiot Anno forgot that all the Reis are born with basic knowledge) while she is seen with different hairstyles, different outfits, working as a farmer, taking care of a baby, etc. In short, a fetish object where she wants the public to value her for how "moe" she is instead of for her abilities or as a character. In Anno's mind, feminism advances in reverse. Ironic, considering that it was precisely Rei who unintentionally started the moe culture.
Of course, it goes without saying that Rei is not the only one who suffers from this extreme fetishization of her character in these films. Under the excuse of paying homage to End of Evangelion, Asuka now always wears an eye patch (needless to say it has nothing to do with having been injured there), a cap with cat ears, in addition to having a very convenient trend for the coomer public of walking naked and semi-naked through other people's houses. She sometimes puts on the plugsuit, but near the end of the movie, it is conveniently torn off, lest we forget that this is made by the Japanese.
One of the best examples of how this hareminication has destroyed the main female characters is in the elevator scene. In the original anime, Rei tries to advise Asuka in a time of particular vulnerability and depression. Rei's limited social skills, coupled with Asuka being Asuka, cause her to misinterpret the attempt to help as mockery and an act of condescension, triggering a slap from her towards Rei and a worsening of her already strained relationship and Asuka's mental state. Rei doesn't fight back because she knows that doing so would only make things even worse.
It is an excellent dramatic scene because it once again brings to the foreground the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties between human relationships, very much in line with what Evangelion is. In 2.22, this scene is gratuitously introduced and turned into two horny bitches fighting over which of the two will let their alpha male penetrate first, with a highly OC Rei stopping the assault attempt in a 100% gangsta way to make her see more "cool." The scene doesn't even make plot sense, because Asuka at that moment is not even depressed, and in the original anime this occurs at a much later time under a very different context.
and speaking of asuka...
SOMEONE CALLED ASUKA:
When I started watching these movies, I was afraid that Asuka's character had undergone modifications to make her more "palatable" to new audiences. What took me completely by surprise was how radically different this Asuka is from the original. So different that they can't even be considered the same character. To show it very clearly, we are going to review the personality of both:
Asuka from the original anime: An energetic and outgoing half-German, half-Japanese girl (actually it's 1/4, but who cares) who loves to be the center of attention and have everyone praise her due to the lack of parental love received during her childhood having been abandoned by her father and supplanted by her mother, who suffered from severe mental disorders. She is extremely proud and competitive because she feels that being Eva's pilot is the only thing that gives her an identity and purpose, which makes her tend to become quickly frustrated when things don't go her way and become defensive when she feels like she is being outmaneuvered. . He loves to make fun of others (especially Shinji), to the point of being cruel at times, but he does not do it out of malice, but rather to compensate for his enormous inferiority complex due to the rejection suffered by his mother and having witnessed her. committed suicide (and possibly even tried to kill her) the day she was chosen as Eva's pilot and came running to wish her a Happy Thursday. She admires Kaji and wants to fuck him because she hates her own adolescence, she needs to feel adult and independent due to suffering from a certain Electra complex for having lacked a true father figure during her childhood. She has a sweet and vulnerable nature, but she rarely expresses it to anyone except her best friend Hikari and I better stop this now because too much text.
Rebuild Asuka (hereinafter "Asuka"): A girl soldier created by Nerv as part of a series of clones who has always been alone and thinks she doesn't need anyone, although she secretly wishes to have a family. She hits and insults others for no reason, she yells a lot, never smiles or makes jokes, and hates socializing with others, which doesn't stop her from looking for Shinji's dick within 2 days of meeting him. She always plays video games while someone is talking to her and at night she talks to herself with a doll like an autistic person.
As we can see, these two characters not only look nothing alike: several of their traits directly contradict each other. Because they look alike, they are not even alike in aesthetics: the original Asuka had red hair and dressed in the traditional feminine way, while "Asuka" is light brown and dresses in a tomboy style (which I'm not saying is wrong, I'm just commenting to show the radical difference). It's not that they have changed Asuka: it's that they have directly murdered her to supplant her by someone with whom she only shares her first name (not even her last name). And needless to say, the change has been VERY for the worse.
To describe the first character, I had to spend 15 damn lines, and even then I had to leave out many important facets of his personality, his development in the original series and his entire character arc in EoE, because if I didn't have one endless bible For the second, 6 lines were enough for me, and I could have had more left over if I had been more concise. The first character is a complex and three-dimensional character, with multiple facets, edges and layers. She feels like a real person. The second character is a generic tsundere that you can find in any mecha anime of the week. She is not even comparable to the first; She's not even a good character.
We cannot speak of Flanderization because not even the most basic traits of the character have been respected. Nor can we speak of a deconstruction because that same absence of basic traits means that there is no character construction on which to stand in the first place. Obviously, this change greatly resents the interactions between characters: the original Asuka was a charismatic and fun character with the ability to drive the plot on her own (as soon as she appears in chapter 8 of the original anime she is already changing the entire dynamic between characters) , while "Asuka" is mostly only in the background or to fight; He doesn't even have a character arc as such. In fact, in 2.22 he has even less screen time than several supporting characters.
His chemistry with Shinji is also non-existent (and I'm not just referring to the romantic level) and they barely have any development together. They like each other here because... ehhhh... she likes how he cooks and he thinks she's hot? It's not that the AsuShinji (or ShinSuka, or whatever the hell it's called) here is forced: it's just that it doesn't even make sense. The only reason people still ship them together is because they did it in the 90s. Yūko Miyamura's performance also feels very lackadaisical and lacks passion, which is quite unlike her. Although perhaps this is intentional, since her character always talks as if she has the spear of Longinus permanently stuck up her rectum. In fact, the few times she says her iconic "Anta baka?" This one feels very forced, in addition to not having her characteristic high-pitched tone.
In short, the character has suffered the same fetishization as Rei (gamer girl, tomboy, one-eyed, etc.), but also with the aggravating factor that not even her basic characteristics have been respected here. This is especially disconcerting when we take into account that the rest of the characters have their original personalities more or less intact (albeit simplified). Even more disconcerting if we take into account that Asuka is possibly the most popular character in all of Evangelion, and even more so if we consider that she is Anno's favorite character (in fact, the initial idea was for Asuka to be the protagonist).
https://evaresources.wordpress.com/der-mond/
Given this, the inevitable question arises: "Why?" What was the point of turning Asuka into an inferior and tsundere copy of Rei, even more so when there are already three clones? It has always been rumored that Asuka is not popular in Japan, but that is completely false. The only semi-rational explanation I can think of is that they did it to please the haters. It's no secret that a portion within the Evangelion fandom (and outside of it) hates Asuka with a passion. They see her as someone toxic and cruel who dedicates herself to screwing others for no reason, without understanding that you don't have to like a well-written character.
https://imgur.com/a/KznXE1x
What these people fail to understand is that Asuka's verbal abuse is a defense mechanism to avoid opening up to others, since Asuka constantly says things that do not fit with what she really feels or thinks (clear proof is chapter 16 from the original series). It's not like it matters much, considering they were never more than an extremely vocal minority. That the character is so popular is proof of this. The great irony of all this is that the new "Asuka" is a much more unpleasant and detestable character than the original, since she lacks the redeemable qualities of the original and her moments of comic relief.
And if until now I have been more or less benevolent with this remake, this is something I cannot forgive: because changing a character just because a group of people doesn't like it is one of the most cowardly and pathetic acts in the world. that a writer can fall. The fact that this was also at the expense of one of the best female characters in the history of anime and with a wonderful story arc makes it even more bloody. Any other halfway competent writer would have responded with this.
https://youtu.be/5Js0ea6yPKM
...although if we go by Ockham's razor, the most likely explanation is simply that Hideaki Anno is mentally retarded.
A CHARACTER TO DESTROY A FRANCHISE AND BIND IT TO DARKNESS:
Mari Makinami Illustrious A.K.A María Iskariote (what an appropriate last name) is one of the worst creations ever made by humans. Not since the atomic bombs has humanity created something so horrible. Worse than the holocaust. Worse than fascism. Worse than Facebook memes. Worse than stepping on a lego. I would even dare to say that it is worse than pizza with pineapple. No character better reflects Anno's mental decline or better embodies all the problems of the current anime industry than this trash.
This character contributes absolutely nothing to the plot, he does not contribute at any time to its advancement, he lacks his own development or story, he does absolutely nothing relevant in the 3 films in which he appears, and he does not even have a defined personality. So much so, that all of her scenes could be eliminated or replaced by any other character and she would barely affect the plot, or not affect it at all.
The character is so frighteningly one-dimensional that she doesn't even show different emotions or moods during the three films in which she appears, always being perpetually happy and carefree even in tense situations for literally no reason. This leads to moments as surreal as her starting to sing and hum in scenes that are intended to be serious or dramatic (or so I think; perhaps what they wanted was to turn this into an unintentional comedy), again generating a gigantic narrative dissonance. The last third of 3.33 is the best example of this.
But that's not the worst: this character is clearly made for otaku coomers to masturbate to. She has almost every fetish possible: glasses/lenses (whatever they call it in your country), pigtails, miniskirt, schoolgirl, saying "nya", big tits, obsession with smell and tight outfits, etc. To make matters worse in 3.0 + 1.01 we discover that she is 48 years old, so we can also add the milf fetish. Evidently, her tits always bounce in her plugsuit (she would swear that never happened in the original series) and there are many close-ups of her ass. In addition to constantly making sexual advances towards Shinji, which also turns this piece of shit into a potential pedophile.
If the thing simply ended there, we could say that this character remains a mere annoying and unnecessary secondary character. Unfortunately, the character is also disruptive to the plot, occupying long filler scenes that do nothing more than waste time that is already scarce in a film, and that could have been used on something else more interesting; like Pen Pen watching TV, Pen Pen eating a sardine, etc. Without going any further, both 2.22, 3.33 and 3.0+1.01 begin with a long filler scene of her hitting on her. Well, to be honest, the 3.33 one is more Asuka, but this abortion is still out there fucking and singing.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that discussing why this character exists is much more interesting than any other debate that can be created about these films. I still think about it. However, the ending of 3.0+1.01 gives a good clue: the character was created solely and exclusively to stay with Shinji. I can only imagine that Anno made this tired of the fandom shipping and the arguments over who Shinji should stay with, so he decided to end the matter by creating his own ideal waifu with all the fetishes he likes in a woman to end it. with this. It's disgusting, but considering we're talking about a Japanese, totally possible.
It's surreal coming from the man who harshly criticized the use of anime as escapism and the excessive female objectification and sexualization in it, but it's the only semi-decent explanation I can think of. Basically, he is what is called a mascot character in literature. That would explain why this character never shows doubts, nor any kind of internal conflict, or why he is a better Eva pilot than Asuka and Rei themselves. It is also very revealing about the quality of the Rebuilds: creating a self-insert OC just to be the partner of the protagonist or another main character is the quintessential trait of all bad fanfiction.
However, among all this tsunami of disqualifications, I also have to say something positive: spending three movies giving hope to the shippers only to have Shinji be cuckolded simultaneously by Rei and Asuka in the last one and end up with a character with which had zero development (before 3.0+1.01 I didn't even know its name) is a true trolling masterclass, worthy of the best of ball pumpers. Only a true emperor of evil would have come up with such a twisted and at the same time perfect way to screw over a large part of the fandom. I give you my tens, Anno.
THE ANTI-UNIVERSE OF ANTI-NARRATIVE:
Of all the new concepts that Anno brings up at the last minute from the place named after his last name, none stands out more than the "anti-universe." Or, as I like to call it, the "anti-good writing." Basically because it perfectly represents all the problems of the rebuilds and their script. In the final stretch of 3.0+1.01 we have the last-minute revelation of a quantum plane of existence capable of turning imagined worlds into reality and changing this through Lilith, which cannot be understood by the human mind (wow, WHAT CONVENIENT!) and whose existence has never been mentioned or even hinted at in the entire franchise until CONCIDENTLY the aforementioned last third of the film.
In other words, a gigantic Deus Ex Machina created in an improvised way to avoid repeating End of Evangelion and forcing a happy ending where Shinji creates an ideal universe for each character (although that is questionable, as we will see later). And it is far from being the only one: the spear of Cassius, the Eva of Infinity, the key of Nebuchadnezzar, the Book of Life, and so on. None of these concepts are integrated into the plot in an organic and natural way, but rather they arise spontaneously at its convenience when it needs it. Except for the new "Super Berserker Mode" of the Evas, which is simply a power-up to sell figurines.
As I said before, if at least this were an alternate universe separate from the original anime, all this bombardment of concepts pulled out of the ass would be a little better justified. But the revelation that everything is a cycle and we are in the same universe as the original work only makes it even worse, generating countless inconsistencies about why they never mentioned this or never used that (what's the point of the seeds of life If you can create universes simply by imagining them?). Although without a doubt, the worst of all these new concepts is "the curse of Eve."
Here we have a new concept with very strong repercussions completely launched, which is not even an explanation in itself, it does not answer anything and to make matters worse, the same films contradict each other several times. Needless to say, this is a cheap excuse for the three main characters not to grow up and continue sexualizing 14-year-old girls after the most gratuitous timeskip ever seen. And speaking of timeskip, putting such a long one in the middle of the story is a first-time writing error. If you are writers, never do that: the bigger the time jump, the more things you will be forced to explain, since the less you do it, the more plot holes will form as a result.
And of course, here it explains little to nothing of what happened these 14 years. Like where Nerv got such a tremendous base from, if in 3.33 it seemed that together with Rei and Kaworu it was made up of four people. Or how they have gotten such an army of pseudo-Evas, especially when these are supposed to be extremely expensive (wow, and SEELE with all her unlimited resources was barely 9 in EoE). Or worse yet, how Kaji managed to stop Almost Third Impact (seriously, the name couldn't be stupider). None of these questions are answered at any time. Obviously because they can't do it.
Evangelion has always been characterized by leaving things up to the public's interpretation, but here I feel that they are vilely taking advantage of it so as not to have to give any kind of explanations. And in the case at hand, do not even pay attention to contradictions. Like Touji and Kensuke got on Unit 01 and that doesn't stop them from being 28 after the timeskip. Or that Mari appears to be 14 despite looking like an adult in Gendo's photos and flashbacks, plus the fact that Evas, by simple logic, could not exist back then.
The height of absurdity is when near the end of 3.0+1.01 the "unexpected" revelation occurs (actually we all saw it coming) that everything is a cycle and we are facing a reboot of the original timeline, of which only Kaworu seems to be conscious. He let them guess without giving them any clues how many times Kaworu mentioned or even hinted at such a thing in the original series. Needless to say, nothing is ever explained about it: Who created that cycle? (Adam? Lilith? The First Ancestral Race? Hideaki Anno's last name?) For what purpose? How does it work? How long does it last? Why is Kaworu the only one who remembers him? Do these remakes make sense?
THE DEATH OF A STYLE:
Fortress-cities folding in on themselves. Designs and constructions oscillating between the nineties, the utopian and the cyberpunk. Meshes of flesh and blood animated with the souls of the dead fighting with classical music in the background. A mysterious and ambiguous lore where aliens, technology and conspiracies mix with gnostic, cabalistic elements and the most esoteric aspects of Christianity (did the History Channel predict Evangelion?). Minimalist posters moving quickly between frames. Monochrome backgrounds flashing aggressively (bad luck if you were epileptic). So consistent with its themes that the A.T. fields themselves. They were an allegory of the hedgehog's dilemma (I'm not making this up, Kaworu himself says it in chapter 23).
https://imgur.com/a/2M0eDVK
The sum of all these factors is what allowed Evangelion to build an absolutely unique identity, the one that allowed people to say "hey, that's an Eva!". Starting in 3.33, all that is lost to disappear in 3.0+1.01 in favor of giant spaceships, mechanical mechas made of pure CGI, battles full of colored lights, multiverses and time loops. I'm not saying these elements are bad in and of themselves, but I've already seen a thousand mecha stories with these. For that, I start watching any of the versions of Gundam or Macross. I could also complain about the boring shots without audiovisual language and always using the same color palette, but to be fair, that is an endemic evil of current anime.
And like any bad remake, 3.0+1.01 can't help but pay homage to several scenes from the original work, completely failing to understand the point of said scenes. As an example, we have Ritsuko shooting Gendo for no reason other than to pay homage to End of Evangelion, ignoring that the context between both scenes is very different. Furthermore, here they never explain the relationship that exists between the two, so the scene makes no sense; especially for those who never saw the original series, who will also find mentions of facts that these films have never shown or bothered to explain.
Even worse is when they try to pay homage to the iconic battle between Asuka and the Eva Series. Not only because of the total absence of the graphic violence and choreography of the original, but because what makes that fight so remembered is its emotional component, since it is preceded by a narrative catharsis in which Asuka discovers that the Her mother's soul was always in Unit 02, in addition to being marked by the constant tension of knowing if she will be able to finish the fight before the Eva's energy supply runs out. Here the Evas never run out of energy (why do they need the power supply, then?), so there is no such tension.
In the original fight Asuka may not be shooting 1387945 Evas with a super cannon larger than her as she falls through an... interdimensional hole?; But there you feel every blow, you can appreciate every movement in detail, and the dramatic tension in crescendo only improves the result. If this were a shonen, the logical thing is that Asuka would win. After all, her character arc has been wrapped up in a climactic way. Unfortunately, this is Evangelion. When the Evas Series manage to cause a mortal wound with the pseudo-spear of Longinus and the energy counter reads zero, the outcome is already decided. What happens next is horrific (Asuka's enemies are cruel to her even after she is dead), and just as horrifying are Yūko Miyamura's screams and Miki Nagasawa's performance as Maya announcing that Asuka is dead. In the Rebuilds there are no performances anywhere near that level.
End of Evangelion will be as dark and uncomfortable to watch as you want, but it is a film where all those responsible put their souls into achieving the best possible result, both on a technical and artistic level.
and well, I think that for today I have already downloaded too much, an apology for the large amount of text, I will make a second part at another time because I have so many things to comment on... anyway, I hope you have a good day/afternoon/night or when you read this .

TL;DR

• I want to make a personal mental health app
• This is a mobile-first app
• You can keep a journal and track your mental health
• You can book an appointment with affiliated clinicians, either psychologist or psychiatrist
• You can access your doctor's/therapist's note anytime; everything's on the tip of your finger
• Your personal data is only stored in your phone
• Anonymized data is stored in the server for population-based analysis
• You will receive the analysis report periodically
• All analysis is published publicly for you to criticize and comment on

A bit of a background

Mental health issues have been my primary concern for years. I spent almost a decade researching psychology and discovered that this problem would persist unless we have a good integration between academia, business/society, and government.
Needs in academia: - Good quality data -> Produce good quality insight - Evidence-based instrument -> Make better products - Reproducible methods -> For assessing policy impact
Needs in business/society: - Community-based movement -> Propel the academia to conduct better research - A platform to help you track your mental health -> Produce anonymized data to formulate a better policy - Immediate solution, e.g., self-paced exercise, self-help guide, appointment manager, etc.
Needs in government: - Good quality insight -> From the public dashboard or publicly available reports - Evidence-based policy brief/policy paper -> Usually done by academia

What I have done

For the past eight months, I've been conceptualizing my ideal mental health app and fell in love with the idea behind personal health records. I put myself as a patient and imagined how nice it would be to have all the health records on my screen. When I choose to visit different clinicians, I can show them my journey so they don't have to probe from scratch and "experiment" with my treatments. I can keep a journal on days I feel blue and days I feel bright. I can help myself break down what is bothering my mind. With a personal health app, I feel that I can be a better me.

Why now, not then or later?

What triggered me was Survei Kesehatan Indonesia 2023 by Kemenkes. They reported that the prevalence of depression has decreased from a whopping 6.1% (2018) to 1.4% (2023). There has not been any breakthrough in mental health policy in the past five years! Even according to the recent WHO Mental Health Atlas, Indonesia still has many things to resolve. After comparing the methods in SKI 2023 and Riskesdas 2018, I noticed many have changed, and it's not for the better. As a researcher, I'm disappointed in how things turned out, considering how much (taxpayers') money was splurged into this survey.

Any alternative to check?

Yes. Many, in fact. You can check Riliv, Bicarakan.id, Halodoc, Satupersen, and many more that have joined the bandwagon. But NONE of them offer personal health records that you can access anytime through your phone. Also, NONE of them give you a complete report on what they did with your data. On top of that, ALL of them keep your personal information on their servers.
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Not shared, nor my shade; but something to be weaved; just as the measure of disappointment became it's own solution. But I talked my way through things forbidden, just to find myself blind in bed with those who are dead. Clumsy, but altogether natural of course, because it's consciousness what you refer in the description, yet that's what we don't get a lot about. See your deeds the way you are seen, and then return to a restless place: and the question in-between sheets will be why. Well, I just can't motivate myself to work without hot bitches staring. And that's the truth. Sad but True
— Hearfelt comment for an instagram witch.
Del desprecio a ese descarte, no he visto muchas cosas. Así se pasa una más para las cuentas, y aquí otro más para los versos, por qué aquí no hemos sido vistos. Cuánto más querría uno, que sino lo cuentas ni mucho menos piensas: << lo de este pibe que cosa más horrible>>, haciendo eso lamentable, por qué en decirlo nadie ha mentido. ¡Es horrible! Que cara es entonces la cuenta de lo que le sale a uno vivir sin más complejos; mejor seria cobrarmelo, para así saber que de algo ha valido. Bloqueame.
— Heartfelt comment for a random supermodel-to-be.
The Spirit of Fire
Flames begone, flames in spite: their warmth I felt - so I closed my fist until I could feel the warmth of my blood in my hand. And in dreams Fire came up to me and said: who am I? And I said unto him: you are bound to my bidding, thus your name misery will be. But fire wretched as he was, got closer and asked: and who are you?
And I said unto him that the blood of David ran through my veins, as I was his heir; for the mother of God claim me from death as a son. So Fire tried me, and figured it out.
You are son of woman —said Fire unto me— but as Fire acknowledged the name, I extended my left hand, and took Fire by the neck throwing him into the gound. — You are going to lace yourself to the right hand of the beast, and you'll keep him steady, so I can cleanly take him down. And Fire stayed down, and with his forehead kissing the ground asked unto me —why would the heir of David do so to earthly man?
And I said unto Fire that the beast from the abyss had left no mother for God, so I was to leave none of his body left for his head; as I was going to make it bleed until the end of the end of times.
The Spirit of Earth
Shapeless and without body, but keen within her many numbers, Earth came up to me in dreams, and said: who am I? And posessed in spirit as I was, I said unto her, that God had made her maiden again, and that she shall become the coins that Judas never received, which were to become the due payment of man and women for the body of Christ. Then I extended my right hand, and grabbed Earth by her hair —which descended deep into the abysses of hell— and cut it short so the demons of Lilith would no longer had her gripped by her back.
You are now a woman, and I'm going to rise you from the grounds. You'll lace yourself to the left hand of the beast, and keep it steady so with one shot I can cleanly take him down.
The Spirit of Air
A dream shaped by written words, whispered down for years by the currents of this Montain, and it's requiem witnessed but by a few — the end of dreams. But from where I standed at the peak, I called upon the distant currents that went down, and asked them: who am I?
And Air came unto me as bird, which had thousands of letters for feathers, and in the tongue of dead men answered.
"Somebody who only a few will remember by strange deeds; as the burden on your back, is a past tainted by impossible dreams. You were a lunatic giving new names to folk, and folk never bothered to remember —so your name must be freak, as you died in a forgotten shack some short time ago."
And as Air said these things upon me, I called Misery —as I had dubbed Fire — and told him to get inside my shot. The burden as Air had said, became lesser as i took the shot from my quiver. And I said upon Misery; that he was to set ablaze this arrow, as I was taking down the bird of Britain, and that I would do so, so God would give the deeds of Earth some better names.
The Lord is making a bridge between the empire of strength, and the last empire of men. Now by God's grace, I'm making the tongue of free men, the tongue of Spain. You will be eventually bound to my bidding, and if not me, it will be to the one I'm preceding; for I'm giving you twenty years to attone your wrongdoing. Alas, now because of your wretchedness, my shot on earthly men won't be clean, for his left leg won't stay steady.
Your old name was apathy, now I'm calling you Cisma, which in the tongue of dead men means schism. So now by the will of God lay unto the ground and say the words you've been teached. And as the arrow blazed forward, it's bending motion pierced the veil hiding the secret ladder of men. The bird of Britain catched on Fire, and it's hollering resounded throught the ladders of the mountain until the depths of the abyss. A column of air turned into fire, then violenty erupted from the vowels of the bird, and the wild fire spread as a storm from west to east all throughout the five kingdoms of men away from its own fiery wings, with a gift of misery and a few words to say.
"The name of your woman or the name of your man, will no longer explain their purpose to a man, a woman, or God. Charred words written by thunder will now be the new ladder of men — but until then, darkness upon thee."
The House of Water
I head into the coasts, and the beautiful beaches in-between, to find the stranger who burns images in the skin of men. He is the stranger, and has adopted the body of a monster, and he is one who cannot be understood, so he went on to only go out home in stunts, for the burdens in his heart have become too great to bear. Through terrible pains he has given all he once was for an identity, and as I pick up on his past, i found familiarity in the feelings of his heart. Oh dear friend how we found looking in sadness to ourselves, after doing same but with different means, carrying into our shoulders the loneliness of this world. As you have in-skin the garments of the strange doctrine that I preach — I shall congrate you, for you truly have fought the world entire, for my doctrine is the words of those who shall defeat the world entire.
I may not have your strangeness in-body, but I have it in these words, and in the true feelings of my heart. And I say in admiration that there's no higher form of art, philosophy or religion: than those who perform the highest thing they can give a name about.
Now even within solitude, and at odds with what old dead men call God, I see you and I found strength in you, as I can see you are within me, and in that, you are within everything as it should be - as is meant in everyone who does something that touches the heart of another man. I call this the kingdom of God. Yet blind men and women will wonder how can the kingdom of God possibly be within two outcasts such as you and me.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Upong giving my regards and waiting for response, I found my way into a bench. It was a warm afternoon, and the wind carried the water of the sea. The bird of Britain came about down from the wind of north, and layed on the bench were I was sitting.
The bird asked: why hast thou become this?
And I said back to bird, scorched he was and nearing death, that it was me someone who was supposed to give names, yet for years I couldn't figure out one for myself. Then on went to being given a name, Alas all the wrong ones. Did Adan gave himself a name? - I asked the bird back. And there was no response from bird. Then I continued.
A man has the essence of his soul retained by what he is seen doing. Yet I did things nobody saw, so my soul wasn't with God but with something just as ancient, and nonetheless unknown by men in its true nature — then Satan as the better known devil, came about and pushed me into a hole. It was my own doing. Yet the things I did, I thought were seen. But nonetheless what I did was without contemplation on a posible return. Just as somebody who prints an image on their own skin. It's permanent. This is the essence of a memory in the soul of the man who's seen by others. But in the familiarity of a man who picked every irreversible decision like the Alien, I find myself feeling sympathy, for the man is still not what he has been seen doing, he shall redeem himself by what he decides to turn himself into.
Is this a way of saying that you want to get yourself a tattoo? Get a new look? - the bird mockingly asked.
And I gave the scorched bird no answer.
Then the bird said unto me: what about your career as a prophet, uh? And the things you said about returning with substance? Do you actually think this is substance?
And i considered what the Bird said, then I negated with a movement of my own head. It is not i answered, but i find the memories of me not making sense unbearable. For those mean the memories of a fool, un pendejo, an insane person, or both. And I will always try to amend what I don't do well. But now I wish for only one thing, and it is to be remembered as someone who makes sense, and who out of that sense, made good upon the world. I don't expect anything in return for what I do now, as it is merely an outlet to keep me sane while I finish editing my work. It's clear I'm too incompetent to be a competent influencer. As for once, I don't care about influencing anyone into what I think; but to perform what I think it's important.
Then every proverbial student is free to take classes so as they see fit, and to interpret such classes as their comprehension gives them grasp of what it's said. In such regard, this is what I offer now, while I make the journey to Madrid. And the bird tilted it's head so as to observe me with his left eye, then after a long impasse, it made a loud and painful caw, and finally flew away. Soon after the bird flew, I looked upon the stars in the nascent night, and confessed to them, that it was the memories of who we were, what often stumps us into wrong beliefs of who we should be, maybe even wasting an entire lifetime retained by that which other people remembered us as being. But we are not the owners of our own names, the place we go, and our destiny. That's the biggest lie the western world of hollywood heros tell you, as in truth is collective agreement what determines what we look like doing and thus the meaning we should comfort to, recalling that names are practical mechanisms to remember the purpose of things, their meaning, and how their motion is described in the world.
But making the task of beating that collective belief, akin to the Nietzschean ideal of the camel turning into the lion, so as to transform it's spirit and become something else. But if it's the golden dragon of all the huamn values which judges you insane, will you be prepared to wrestle with the entire culture so as to have your way?
As I layed my eyes upon each star counting up to the number seventeen, I confessed of being scared of those beliefs, as revisiting the past, became a painful deed — and as I prepared to leave, I uttered one wish on the seventeenth point in the sky.
Lord please grant me strength, the way you have given my friend strenght.
2.
The night deepen, while the sea tide sang its own song of breathing. Some time passed, and then on the stranger showed himself approaching at the distance. I waved my hand at him, and after the instant, he found his way into my bench while I welcomed him with an extended fist which he casually bumped - after the short acknowledgement the dark alien looked at my face in between it's cover of dark, and looking at it undiscernable in its true features, with suspicion asked.
— What is it that you want?
I acknowledged him as a friend, then mentioned my brief research, as I had come to know him as man looking for a job, yet nobody would hire for things mundane due to his appearance. I listened closely to the news, and came to understand that this was a man looking for a second chance.Then I saw the intent behind his doing, and two words came to stick to my own thoughts. The first one was <> and the second one was <>. I was admired.
In analytical psychology I figured this man was the ESFP —the personality archetype related to the performer and the entertainer—, possessed in an abnormal way by the spirit by which a person submits to it's contrary nature, seeking to integrate and find fulfillment through the chase of what's perceived absent. If he was the ESFP then doing the flip by following the radial axis of each Jungian function in the stack towards their opposite resulted in the INTJ. The mastermind. The architect. The genius yet awfully complex individual. That was the elusive spirit he was chasing.
But a spirit and a character that at its most pronounced embodiment in a person, would experience life as an eternal foreigner hiding from the light of other men. Such made sense to me, for I myself was the INTJ, and had at spirit the ESFP. Him. So where as this man chased the spiritual fulfillment of being a complex and deep individual, I chased the fulfillment of becoming simpler, so I could demonstrate with action the deepest desires of my heart. One who was born plentiful in means to be liked, becomes complex, mysterious and uncomprehended, meeting one who will be seen trying to make sense becoming simpler. For Carl Jung portrayed the anima and animus of individuals, as the sense of what its absent, yet deeply cherished an valued. So I said these things to the alien, while he silently listened to me.
— All of that sounds like bullshit to me. -Said the alien after some contemplation .— Sorry but the things you say, don't mean anything to me.
And alas for I expected such response, as if one thing was true about this journey, was that explaining the journey in and of itself would become it's grimmest task. I affirmated what he just said with a slight nod of head.
— These things I say and how they relate to each other, in its excercise are similar to doing stecheometric balance with equations in the head, but simpler I'm afraid. - Then I paused, looked back into the sea, and continued. — That's high school chemistry, but I don't expect everybody to pick up on it, nor like it, nor understand it.
— Now i have called you a friend, and where I came from we dub with this title the people we share destiny with. As far as I'm concerned, we are chasing the same thing, which is the hardest posible thing. We both innately understand that we are not home, as we want our spirit to return to us, and that's not what a lot of people ever honestly try to attempt in a lifetime; as such is anyone's call to feel complete.
— And very few people ever reach true individuality, beyond the name they are imposed at birth.
Then I looked into the black alien, and in-between his foreign facial features, I interpreted something familiar. Disturbance. And I continued.
— We have given ourselves hell as we lived chasing something hard, so we can avoid the same hell later on when we are finally back to our own house. This is a christian precept, altought a rundimentary one. Does that makes sense to you?
And after listening such, the black alien calmly looked at the veil in my face in silence. Trying to discern what my face actually looked like, but the night was dark. Then turned his stare back to the reflection of the moon over the waters, giving some thought to what I just said. I opened up my backpack, and drawed two cans of beer from it. Offered one to him, and he silently refused with a gesture of hand. I popped my can and gave it a sip, while I myself stared at the tides coming in and out of the shore.
— If you wan't a tattoo, we can work that out. But this sounds annoyingly familiar, and my interest is not religious. Are you religious?
I nodded in affirmation, and complemented saying. — But my doctrine is something nobody has heard nor seen. For its aim, is doing as Christ said, in perfect means. Yet its true that the teaching fits you, as it's the teaching of the future man; and there's nothing in common between the current man and the future man, as they may very well be different species. This is the precept of evolution.
The alien seemed surprised.
— These two men don't know each other, for the current man doesn't know where the future man comes from, for he himself doesn't know where he is going. Yet in deep realization of your own artistic concept, I think you might want new ideas to meet with your appearance. So tell me, are you curious about what truly happens to a man after he dies? Do you want to learn how to read someone's mind? Do you want to blast with words of fire the hearts of an amazed crowd?
But the black alien broke his calm contemplation of what I was saying, and slighty disturbed, aggressively rebuked after hearing such.
— But you mentioned 'Christ', so you must be christian. How can a christian even say anything interesting in this current time? Last time I asked, their sayings were dreaded by restriction - so why would anyone condemn themselves to a life of bore? Are you a christian?
And I nodded after the question, in silence. Admittedly, for I knew what the problem was with being what I was, and my new companion was bang on identifying it. Made a pause, then raised my sight to where it met with the sky and the stars in it, and I said back to him.
— I am, but not one of a type you have ever seen, for the Christ that comes, is a Christ of art.
2.
The riptide sang, in its secret dialect of earth and sea. I looked upon the coast, turned an eye blind, and saw the ocean as the scorpio, and the land as the taurus; as it was the struggle between two lovers, never meant to consume each other. Ideal love then - yet not to confuse with this partnership as it was whimsilcally tied by the means in which i arranged my current conversation; for my lady somewhere waited for me. Then i allowed my eyes to rest still.
The alien looked upon me, undiscernable in my intentions, and again figured for himself that my interest towards him wasn’t clear. In suspicion, and after the moment he collected his thoughts asked “In your weird words you dubbed me performer, so what is it exactly that you wan’t from me. To me it seems like you are gathering people for some form of religious clown show. When you forced this meeting upon me, was this a proposal you thought i would find amusement in?”. And after the statement my own stare wandered in my conversation partner. While as he had his say, i returned to my can of beer, and finished it with a long gulp. Tempered in an unwillingness to fall to my new found friend irritation, i said within my own thoughts: “The alien looks easy going, but he is barbed in wit”.
Then i opened the can of beer that the stranger rejected; the loud pop resounded in the relative silence, interrupting for a moment the steady chorus of the sea. Gave it a long sip, and said.
– Theres no proposal in place yet. But im certain of something, and that is that both of us are messed individuals which reached the bottom doing the same thing - but the way my understandment of the human soul goes: two people can act by mere interaction as reactives to each other, creating a new chemical compound after the fact.
– This new psychology is very much like chemistry. But it is not my intention to draw you into something, but to pull myself out of this «something» by doing right on another person and maybe that person reflecting the good back on me. I just need a conversation partner, thats all. And i will do this with you, and with many people more. Presidents included.
The alien reflected on it, and after the hiatus of a long standing position of suspicion he finally gave in, and eased up with a slight smile. A strange smile of relief. But the smile, was all too familiar for me, as i realized the man was a tortured individual: a person in long standing pain. I smiled back the way he did, and continued.
– Our pain has a common name, and is a name that can be written with words unfortunately. It’s the devilish mother of all spiritual ills and its foundation, rests at the concept of a past that wasnt solved. It’s called «inadequeacy», and for people like you and me, understanding one day that such inadecuacy had to be solved by our own means, lead us into an act where our name changed as the changes in our cover up act to solve our inadequacy did.
– We never honored the past or the present in our pursuit, as we desired in passion to find solution to the present, by matching it into the idealization of some future without ever realizing that the old or present essence of ones being would be crushed into non existance by said future.
– Then we found the realization of that new name, only to understand that its demands became a tyranny on the other faces of our soul: as our soul is not something that can be undestood in unity, but something that conceives in the beginning in multiple things which try to give shape to one thing. Theres many people in a village, and our minds, are no exception.
— But happiness is only achieved by those who have their soul entire - or those who are the same person regardless of the context and scenario. And we gave to much to somebody that wasn't us, as our spirit took possession and lead us down.
– This is this the essence by which someone goes to hell, only to do one thing over again, getting an ever lasting pain for all the things that were given up chasing that which was absent. The more someone is forced into being shaped by the thing that was concevied in lust, the more the individual misses the place they used to call home, for that is no longer within ones reach. Does this makes sense to you?
The alien left me with no answer, and as he contemplated the sea, a tear travelled through his strange face.
– In this state of anguish, affliction rarely ever feels company, as the very individual condition that was pursued, became a full suit and persona to be forced upon and wear. Hell, is one lonely place man because we only learn to speak a language, that only makes sense to ourselves. But i think we can find a way out of it. This is why I'm here.
“Look, what you’ve done, it’s not something i can see the way you can see my own doing on me.” The alien replied. “Besides the way in which i canno’t see your face in this night, you seem ordinary — but what you talk and the way you say it, evokes in every word regret. What is it that you’ve done that has you regret like this?”
As the alien finished speaking, I emptied the can of beer, layed my eyes on the irregular grooves that my feet had left on the sand, and then replied back to him, after making a recap of the story i had repeatedly told myself after falling down.
“My story, is the fairy tale of a guy who makes way for the new coming of a new man; a better man for the world, while he casts disarray upon the earth: much to his dismay, at the expense of his own soul as the people who become victims of disasters, were ones who this man deemed unfair; cruel, evil, despicable in past. That was at the beginning."
"Theres a pile of corpses behind that character — even in covid time, people as close as the local priest of the small town he lived in, would break their neck after falling in the shower, as he had the slightest suspicion of their secret deeds. All clean deads for that matter. Untraceable to nothing but sheer randomness. Magic as it seeems. But were this folk truly evil people or even guilty of anything? You may ask - the man never knew it for sure, as he never had faculties such as godly omniscience to actually know it; which has taken a toll on him, as the burden of justice is an unberable one for anything but a god."
"Which leads to another point: spontaneously picturing random numbers in the head, associating them with psychological compounds by angular momentum, and actually being bang on the suspicion. Truth friend, in its stochastic presentation: it's unberable.”
“Consequential of such attempts to rationalize his own story in the eyes of people such as close family, my dude became clinically diagnosed with referenced thinking. Which are fancy words for schizophrenia. Nobody believed the story as it was uttered."
"Yet the consequences are there for everyone to see, altought not visible in their cause and effect by anybody but this guy, which lead him first into regret over ever starting his quest as a reformer; and then repent.”
“Now before he realized of this lets call it «curse», he preached for years over the internet as the disasters started to slowly creep up. He preached in a fashion parallel to Niestzches Zarathustra; Zarathustra meaning a famous philosophical device artificied by the philosopher Niestzche, who’s aim was to portray the best posible man, as something he dubbed the <<Übermensch>> ”.
“Such concept being the seemingly more elegant brand of a humanist ideal for a not so distant future: today - albeit a wrong one, for this guy was not dyonisian himself. The backbone of his framework, is analytical psycholgy becoming a chariot for a true understandment of human nature: and ultimately a facilitator for love within light: not within ignorance; not within darkness. Most philosophers today though would mock anything analytical in it's aim."
"Then on the guy preached and dwelved further into the relative hole of his own doctrine: and became imprisoned by what he didn’t got right at first attempt, making him in the process the character that Nietzsche from the comfort of his own writers seat, never attempted to actually embody within realistic means: eventually figuring out within himself the ultimate Nietzschean aristocrat: a magic pen granted by being capetian by mother: from judah by father."
"But Alas, you have no idea how common suicide is within philosophers after they finish their best work. As language, becomes the ultimate barrier for understandment, and then to ones capacity to feel love. Difference — true saliency in ones individual destiny— leads to the gravest posible pain. Ironic isn’t it?”
“Besides technical work with a new form of psychology inspired by analytical chemistry, as that drawed from his efforts during the light of day, five years ago, once he felt the urge to try to reach out to the world from a position of what he deemed was greater understandment: he primitively preached during night his new set of ideas for people to behave beyond the limitations of manipulative psychology, albeit a harsh doctrine meant to clear the way for a better product: Christ himself."
"This is not a doctrine a human being can actually perform, as such its christianity at its highest capacity to bear fruit. It’s an impossible doctrine, yet solves the oldest problem posed in the bible. All which sounds very sci-fi bullshit-y but actual problems started for the protagonist in this tale, when the preaching matched with terrible consequences. Not figurative, but within tangible reality.”
“So just as we talk, theres a small legion of hackers pretending to be doing internet social experiments while talking in an artsy matter: much in my own style, entertaining the exact same concepts - a legion of dangerous monkeys, i have no control over."
"One of the many unexpected consequences being this, yet prompted by something evil; ancient: essentially replicating what my protagonist developed and then preached over the years, while these "hacktivists" lay their attention on things and people, as they select them and enforce upon them strict surveillance, to behave properly. Then to destroy them, as they did in 2020 with many corporations and institutions.A bizarre combination of theater actors to my own liking, and then cyber-security demigods: omniscient in their claims to surveill, and they are - derivative such of another device of what I've done; which is to build a theater so people can make-believe that they are infact performing within themselves something greater - but that's matter for another story."
“Most of the corpses piling up flat out dead, have no relation to him whatsoever; they became victims as my protagonist took measures to fight back the monster he found at the foundation of the known world. This is not an elaborate analogy for one's own unseen capacity for evil, as i mean this: a monster as literally as it can be. For these things friend, im doomed as in true strenght, i have nothing but the pen i use to write down what i think albeit always at danger of it’s eventual inversion. I have no real friends left. Not one who can understand, or help bear the pain: as friendship and love are all gated by understandment."
"The full story has many more vertients, but i think i’ve done it enough justice. This is the predicament of an insane man chased by his own shadow as he builds a better man: one who delivers heavenly things, and then a shadow stringed to deliver tyranny as the very strings behind him make the better man stumble while he tries to keep a grasp of his own spirit, and then of his own soul."
"That monster behind, is wicked smart — and cannot be outwitted nor overpowered but anything but divine smite."
“I’m heading now to a new country, to try to get friends from the only institution in the world who knows and adresses the current times being, and who by extension, might believe me. And to clarify, these being the end of times; but not the end of the world. Yet now i myself have a damocles sword pending over my own head, and i need to do something about it before it falls.”
And as i said these things, i reached out to my backpack drawing a third can of beer from it — besides my own super laptop, thats what my backpack had: an infinite supply of beer. Corona, Indio, Victoria, Dos Equis, Heineken; you name it. I popped the can, and gave it a long and definite sip as i emptied it complete.
The alien didn't try to show that he understood, but stood still in silence, with his sight in the sand below and pressing lips, knowing by my demeanor; that these things as I've said them was something that I needed to do. Then he said: "I don't follow man. You say you preach and then disasters occur. Like a prophet from the bible?"
"Yes. Then I preached to get rid of the things that are actually making the world worse, and something awoke soon after, and since then; everything I do is subject to being misinterpreted due to the diffamatory action of this thing. Now everytime I do something, it can be twisted and turned against my original intent. Right now the hackers are my worst problem: I may have a degree in computers but I have no fucking idea whatsoever of hacking. I earn my living as an A.I engineer.".
The alien raised his sight to meet with mine, and after doing some contemplation on the fact, quite simply said: "You are insane". Then lowered his own sight, and raised it again to meet with the sea and continued. "If you want a tattoo, we can work that out. But either way and whatever parts of your story are true and even worse; the ones you may be lying about: you sound dangerous in a delusional kind of sense, and my life is hard enough as is."
I pressed my fists, knowing then the old same thing had happened again. For I had never forced anything upon anybody, and I was willing to respect that until the bitter end. Then I released the build up of frustration with a loud sigh, and after this amend, I replied back.
"I understand and respect it. But let me just propose you that if you ever want to figure what is beyond life as it's lived by person who has never seen what is like to be someone you write a great story about; you can pin me, and I'll show you what's beyond that door. Give it some thought."
The alien; The Black Alien Project stayed there sitting, spechless but calm, almost expecting something else to be convinced about. But pointless, for i knew that nobody can be forced into anything without bringing a transgression into play – and i wasn’t one to taint myself in sin if it could be avoided. Not anymore.
3.
I made the distance at steady pace walking along the shore, until i found a small group of pines in-between the liminal space of the beach and the land. I sat with one of the pines trunk behind my back, and drawed the Schizo Pills from my eternal supply of traveller goodies.
Quetiapine 100 mg, and Olanzapine 10 mg, i made a smaller fragment from the olanzapine pill, and swallowed both complete. As their side effects were concerned, they would soon knock me out of conscience, as this little ritual was my own way of calling the day complete – then i layed there, vigilant, waiting for my own drowsiness to claim me into sleep - but the Bird of Britan came flying from above, and stood besides me.
\Chirp, Chirp, Chirp**
I watched the bird, annoyed, as its presence had become an omen for contempt. For me and the death people of my past. I frowned upon the little shit, and said nothing. The bird made a little nod, while tilting its head in excentricity the way birds do, and replied. — Hey Andrew!, do you remember when you tried to penetrate your own computer to make a universe grow inside of it? I just wan’t to know something: did your computer moan? Did it finally learnt how to scream your name?
\Chirp Chirp**
Ignoring the bird, i closed my eyes and stayed like that for a long moment, hoping to make the bird think i was asleep. Maybe that would make him leave.
— Can’t bullshit me like that Sweetheart. So please tell me something; why don’t you command one of your supermodels; these muses, to come here and warm the bed for you. It's a cold night and you seem lonely brah
. \Chirp Chirp**
I opened my eyes, and irritated, pointed menacingly at the bird turning my left hand into an imaginary gun. I had already failed at something today, and wasn’t convinced i needed the memory of the things i failed at before. Not now.

• Hol’ up cowboy ! you wan’t to bang my bird ass when you should be banging a bitch ass. What happened with Tyrone huckleberry? Did you managed to make him as impotent as you are right now? —I held steady my hand; and tired, the tempation to pull again the trigger on the bird was growing larger. I saw red roses in my own sight, making a terrible omen for a migraine forthcoming. Said nothing.

— The glowniggers are out there brah. You may not be a hacker – and its true, but i took notice of your last words: so now the glowies are going to instead dreambooth* people into every posible kind of scenario of extorsion, while they surveil like a motherfucker. Like you dream boothed yourself for your little ahem "art project". Then we will use Suno*, then Sora* when it open sources. Are you going to protect your hoes?
Said nothing.

• Alright cowboy, i will give meaning to that revelations verse. What was it? Ah yes. Revelations 9:6. Every single person with an internet history will be as paranoid as you were in 2020. Everyone will be diffamated into acts of political terrorism! Aren’t you am-

And as i pulled the imaginary trigger from the imaginary pistol, an imaginary arrow in the sky descended with a blaze of not so imaginary flames on the Bird of Britain, engulfing the little shit in heat, and making it’s body explode into a gore of scorched viscera. As if the bird was in a microwave oven. I inmediately gasped as the explosion was too close from where i was sitting - after the conmotion, stared at the red and burned stain in the floor, and left my sight rest there, as sleep finally found its way into my restless thoughts.
"No longer care for love unless it's between good friends”. Said to myself. There was certainly a migraine coming, but maybe my dreams would help convince it otherwise. And as far as the hoes were concerned, Furious Angels would be there for them. Like the Rob Dougan song.
4.
Found my own mind after the slumber – asleep, then awake. I realized several hours passed - at least enough to wake up and witness the sun rise above the sea. But as for dreams, the light veil of their memories wasn't something to rely upon. But i did remember something, and it was some overtone in dread; an atmosphere of fear – and a kind of dread sustained in it’s inevitability by the urgency that builds upon dearth.
Now what exactly was it though? I couldn’t remember from my dreams, but ever since i falled to my own death i had always present in mind the future succesion of events that would follow when things started to go very wrong. Iran, the U.S, Israel - now whatever was it in the news; the outcome would be the same. A thousand more cuts to an already languishing economy. Make that corpse bleed, and then fall off a cliff.
As such things would be cooked, just as the bird of britain. The bird was still there though: just in pieces and roasted like the contents of a dropped KFC bucket would. But the little shit would return - as it always did. The economy? Not so much.
Yet i digress. None of the world circumstances mattered as far i was concerned – i had built a small and portable solar system to power my laptop, and my beer supply was well, infinite - i made myself sure that i had my needs covered whatever happened around me. Not tied to even a house for that matter. I incorporated myself and gave my back a stretch. The morning breeze coming from the sea evocated in my memories some time that had long passed – late childhood. I rejected those memories as they beared with them things i didnt wan’t to remember - then wen’t on as usual in my morning routine scrolling through my instagram feed, figuring if there were any new hoes to maybe motivate me into doing my God imposed labour.
Labour which was to either write, or to finish the House of Water — then after scrolling i did in fact saw a new hoe; i dropped a Faux Pas comment. Maybe she would play along, maybe not. Whatever. Sometimes I would put in a lot of effort to do a rhyme. But the effort depended on the insta-hoe in question. I know. Not the best of habits, but back in elementary school i was the kind of kid that would only get motivation when the girls in the classroom were present in physEd. And then i would run faster: whole lotta faster. Run Forrest! Run! Women love used to fuel me; and the habit sticked — and at the moment, i was kinda done with the idea of female trascendence. Would rely on their love, but not on their validation. Not like a simp. Fuck that.
Furthermore, what results did i demonstrably mustered after pursuing true egalitarianism and sharing it? Exactly. A bitch gonna do what a bitch gonna do, and so does the human female. After publishing the comment, I locked my phone and walked towards the highway, as i was planning to pay a visit to somebody long forgotten - I had kind of a schedule that i was going to follow, before taking the plane to Madrid and become hispanic Jon Snow from the walgreens Nightwatch.

A friend of mine just finished ATLA and LoK and wondered why exactly platinum of all things could not be bent to the shape and will of an Earthbender. After bouncing around ideas, this is what we came up with:
Though Toph herself said that Platinum cannot be bent due to lack of earth particulates, it is curious to note that for some reason, the mercury-like metallic poison that Korra ingested could be bent out of her body. If it were the case that metals can only be bent because they contort the earth particulates embedded within it, then realistically they would only be able to rip out the earth particulates within the ore. The fact that Toph was able to bend out that metallic poison using the super-fine earth sediments that mixed with the toxin and stayed within Korra's body indicates two possibilities:
1) That the prerequisite to metal bending being the ability to sense earth within the metal is untrue
or
2) That earth particulates are needed, but the ability to sense them all requires leaps and advances in material sciences and earth bending spirituality that just haven't happened yet even during Korra's time
It's more likely that option 2 is the answer, as subtle hints dropped throughout the expanded ATLA universe point towards the idea that the more spiritual an earth bender is, the stronger they can sense the earth's spiritual energy around them and the smaller the particulates they can manipulate.
This is backed by two pieces of evidence

1. First, only Toph was able to sense and help flush out the remaining earth particulates that were mixed with the poison that Zaheer poisoned Korra with. These earth particulates were so small that no one was able to sense them: Not her direct descendents, not Korra, and surprisingly not even Katara. And out of all the people in the world, Katara would be the only other person who would have a shot at detecting it, as she is the waterbending master by Korra's time, and she out of anyone would be able to detect the trace toxins via the earth and metal particulates obstructing blood flow. The fact that Katara couldn't means that while all 4 bendable elements are just different applications of spirit bending, sensing microscopic earth particulates is something only an expert Earth bender can do, and that no other elemental bender can match an earth bender in this regard. So how did Toph get so good at earth bending? By learning it through instinct by observing and interacting with the Badger moles. Because badger moles are animals, they don't understand human language nor do they care about a human's want to learn earthbending from them. So when Toph started out her early days as an earthbender, she had to have relied heavily on instinct in order to understand not only what the badger moles are doing, but also to sense the flow of spiritual energy coursing through the very soil she feels. Due to her background, Toph is one of the few earthbenders within the "modern" era whose bending style is the most similar to that used by ancient Earthbenders, and is thus one of the most spiritual earth benders we know of in the modern era. To conclude, Toph's uniquely spiritual bending style gave her a near unprecedented edge in sensing earth particulate on a scale that few earthbenders across the expanded universe can replicate.
2. In agreement with point 1, the well-known quote that Lao Ge told Kiyoshi in her youth goes like this:

"Divide your body in two, then divide it again, and then again, and again. Put the pieces back, and put them back again, and again, and again one more time, and you're whole once more.” - Tieguai The Immortal

The philosophy behind this is that Tieguai claims that ageing is the product of the body deteriorating on the smallest, most invisible level. And this quote was given for how one can prevent this very deterioration. In context of the first piece of evidence, this means that Tieguai, hundreds of years before Korra, essentially discovered that earth benders can achieve immortality by manipulating the very earth grains within them to bend their bodies to a pre-established state/age. And him referring to ageing as "invisible deterioration" may have less to do with the fact that his method of immortality has less to do with energy bending, but that it is manipulating the finest, microscopic pieces of silt and dirt trapped within the human body to control one's very biology.
In combination with the top two quotes, this means that the more spiritual an earth bender, the finer and more precise their bending can become. Correlating this finer control with human ingenuity, new earth bending techniques can originate by combining knowledge of the natural world with a heightened sense of spirituality. This would be how things like crystal bending, paint bending (via Yun), sand/dust bending (via the sand nomads and the earth bending masters in Kiyoshi's time), and even metal bending originated.

So how does this justify why Platinum is impossible to bend?

To our current understanding, metallurgy is an art that remained stagnant for hundreds of years before Fire Nation triggered a global era of industrialization that saw an explosion of metallurgy techniques and applications. Prior to the fire nation invasion, metal was a fare rarer material to come across, and its unique difficulty to manipulate would've discouraged prior earthbenders from experimental with metal further than "manipulating the dust around a piece of iron ore" rather than manipulating the earth embedded within the iron. Only when iron became far more common place was Toph's ability to bend metals a far more useful skill to have.
Given this historical context, its far more likely that Platinum bending never became a thing because the material sciences in the ATLA universe havent advanced far enough by LoK for them to have discovered and used advanced metallurgy techniques of today. And because sufficient advancements in the physical understanding of metals have not happened, there just wasn't a right moment, at least during Toph's life, where scientists and spiritualists got together to brainstorm new ways to bend Platinum.
And even if Toph was able to sense the earth particulates trapped within platinum, another reason why she wrote off as impossible may be due to three reasons:

1. First, that as a member of the Avatar's entourage, she become incredibly busy, as her time and energy became increasingly diverted by her metal bending academy, her parental duties, her political duties as chief of police, and fighting criminals. This would give few opportunities in her adult life as a more proficient earth bender to really sit down and crack the code. But second, even if she did, she might not have worked out how to manipulate the metal without a proper understanding of how the earth particulates interact with the lattice structure of the metal.
2. LoK makes it clear that the industrial revolution has occured in the avatar universe, but what isn't cleaexpanded upon is how metal benders interact with alloys such as Brass or Bronze. Prior to advance late in the industrial revolution in our world, Platinum alloys were much harder to work with due to the innability to separate natural platinum ore into continuent metals like Rhodium, Palladium, Iridium, Osmium, as well as other nonmetallic impurities such as Phosphorous, Silica, and Sulfur deposits. Only until more did more modern electrochemical techniques such as the Wohwill process and electric arc furnaces increase the purity of platinum ores significantly. As LoK seems to be set in something roughly like the late 1800s early 1900s, analogous techniques like the electric arc furnaces may not have been invented. So maybe another difficulty of bending platinum is that the platinum used involves alloys from too many metals
3. Alternatively, it could be that the prevalence of electricity benders have naturally accelerated the development of making pure platinum ore. In that case, the higher purity of Platinum ore may result in fewer earth particulates in the metal to manipulate the ore
   1. As a subpoint, Platinum on average has a greater density, melting point, and malleability than Iron, indicating that its crystalline lattice is more robust and sturdier than that found in iron. If the principle behind metal bending is to force the comparatively few earthen particulates within the ore to distort the metallic lattice that iron atoms are trapped in, thena combination of fewer earthen particles, plus a more robust lattice within the platinum ore, may have been the main culprits that prevented platinum to be bent
      1. So, to bend platinum, one would need spiritual advances to somehow make use of fewer earthen particulates in a platinum ore to distort a much more structurally robust ore to move according to a bender's well. And its also more likely that neither issue was fully investgated by a team of sages and scientists throughout Aang's lifetime.

And even if Toph spent the rest of her life delving into how to tackle the Platinum issue, the lack of easily identifiable platinum, and her general lax attitude post-retirement, would probably have discouraged her from trying out new techniques
In conclusion, the lack of adequate scientific advancements, and the lack of sufficiently spiritual metal bending sages, would have prevented the potential for platinum bending from expanding during Toph's time

What this means for the future of Avatar

With the increased globalization, and the paradoxical increase in spiritual energies within the world following LoK, an explosion of scientific and spiritual advancement would synergized and rigorously developed a wide assortment of techniques that would've otherwise been considered one-off, generational talents in prior eras. And probably crucial to the physical/spiritual advancements in earth bending would be to temporarily infuse metal ores with earth particulates, or to come up with entirely new ways to amplify one's will through the comparatively scarce amounts of earthen particulates to distort multiple types of metallic ore beyond just metal.
As current thought is that the next earth avatar would live in a world either 30-40 or even 100 years after Korra's time, there would have been ample time for the world to have come up with a ton of nuanced applications of metal bending beyond what we've seen in Korra's time
Some examples include
1) Manipulation of all types of ores. This would include Platinum, but maybe other types of rarer metals
2) Magnetism bending: By bending metals into their own bodies, an earth bender may be able to generate ferromagnetism by will
3) Oxygen doping: By manipulating the trace metals in the body or absorbing metals in the body. Earth benders can artificially increase the amount of heme within their bodies, thus taking up larger amounts of metal.
4) Bone Bending: By manipulating the flow of earthen particulates and metals within the body, one can induce bone formation, potentially allowing earth benders to be able to be like wolverine and bend bone extensions straight from their body. Or maybe, they can just excrete bone deposits from their bodies and form tools made out of their own bone by will.

Credit to Blue for the wonderful cover art of Trilvri
Thank you to:
u/SpacePaladin15 for creating the Nature of Predators universe.
u/EdibleGojid, author of Dark Cuts, for proofreading.
EmClear, aspiring author, for proofreading
You, the reader, for your support. I love reading your comments.
Please consider reading the works of my proofreaders as they’re all authors of excellent stories and be sure to check the links below for more of my work and beautiful art from members of the community.
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Memory transcription subject: Sawvek, Junior Extermination Officer
Date [standardised human time]: October 5th, 2136
Hard foam presses uncomfortably up against delicate pressure points situated across the length of my entire body, building up to an unbearable ache that makes me shift and turn against the thin mattress pad. I yank at the rough old blanket I’d taken out of storage and clutch it even tighter around my body, trying to keep out the chill. The best racks, the ones near the heating vents, had already been claimed long before I’d decided to move into the Guild House’s Barracks and it doesn’t seem likely that the current occupants will be giving up their spots any time soon.
My mind is still racing from the events of last paw, replaying the scene over and over again in my dreams and in my head. The way my brother had looked at me… That look on his face when he’d seen the real me…
My paw gives a sympathetic throb in memory, still aching from where it had met the wall, but at least I had been able to wrap it up a bit and stop the bleeding. I feel like I should take it as a small miracle that it isn't broken. More medical bills are the last thing I need right now.
I turn about in the bunk once more, rolling around in vain to try and find a comfortable position that doesn’t seem to exist. Through a conscious act of will I try to empty my mind and sleep, but the very act of trying not to think about things only brings them bubbling back up to the surface of my thoughts. My heartbeat echoes in my ears, a damnable drumming sound brought about by the exertion of my own restless tossing and turning. Out in the hallway I can hear the muffled shuffling of feet and murmurs of conversation. The Guild Hall never sleeps, and it seems that neither would I this paw.
Electing to abandon the attempt as hopeless, I cut my rest claw short and get up, venturing out into the hallway. If I can’t sleep anyway then I might as well start my waking claw early, maybe get in a little exercise. It’s not so bad when it’s self-directed, almost fun in a way. If our family had the money to support it then maybe I could have been an athlete of some variety growing up. I had always possessed something of a natural physicality.
“Stop wasting time with worthless questions about what could have been, Killer.” The voice interjects, early and active today by the sound of it. “You’ll never amount to anything more than a wild predator kept on a leash.”
There’s nothing to do but sigh and carry on. It was right after all. This is it. This is my life now.
Making my way down the hallway towards the gym I find myself walking past a row of private offices assigned to some of the more veteran officers on staff. Most are empty at this claw, their occupants either asleep or off doing other work. One room in particular catches my attention though, the one belonging to our newest PRED Team Commander.
The door leading inside is open and ajar, seemingly forgotten in the midst of more pressing business and granting me a look inside. The entire room is a mess, papers and binders strewn about everywhere with official looking documents littering the floor. A map of the city decorates the otherwise unadorned and impersonal space. On its face it hosts a variety of multicoloured pins, all connecting seemingly arbitrary locations as well as photographs of people and places from the records department. The face of the former PRED Team Commander, Vrienna, looks out at me once again with the same cruel eyes that decorate the memorial wall. Beside her photo are another pair of eyes, a pair I recognise, but not one I would have expected to see here.
Trilvri, my brother’s creepy coworker, the one who’d brought him home the night he’d drunk himself into a stupor, stares out at me from the wall. He was younger in this photo, barely of age, if even that, and dressed in a regulation space corps flight suit, but I could still recognise him. Trilvri’s eyes appear somehow more lively than when I had met him in person, though it does nothing to improve his overall disposition, looking, as they are, as if behind them resides only hatred and a feral desire to kill and rend. Come to think of it, he had mentioned he used to be in the corps hadn’t he? ‘Used to’ being the operative word. When I’d asked he hadn’t seemed particularly fond of his time in the service…
Situated as he is next to Vrienna like that, their pitch-black wool and evil-looking eyes bear a striking resemblance. It was the exact same sort of predatory expression that bore into your soul, the kind that made me feel weak and exposed, the same kind that was worn by-
“What do you think you’re doing in my office?” A voice asks from behind, nonplussed, but with a casual depth of power and authority behind it that makes me freeze on the spot.
“Commander Glagrig, Sir!” I turn about on the spot, fixed at attention in the doorway as I stare up at the man himself. “I’m sorry to intrude. I noticed someone had forgotten to close the door so I was just going to secure it.”
“I see.” Glagrig doesn’t seem to believe a word of it, but neither does he seem inclined to press the issue. “At ease. Tell me, do you recognise the man in the photo there? Have you ever seen him before?”
“No, Commander.” I lie reflexively as I shift to a parade rest, not fully knowing why, but knowing that whatever is going on I want no part of it, for me or my brother. It’s only after the fact that it occurs to me that lying might be worse than telling the truth.
“How… regrettable.” The prestige officer says plainly and I can’t tell whether he believes me or not. “If you do ever catch sight of this individual, then be sure to let me know immediately.”
“Y-Yes, Commander.” I subconsciously swallow with apprehension, hoping that he doesn’t notice. I want nothing more than to run away as quickly as I can, but I haven’t been dismissed yet.
“Junior Officer Sawvek, was it?” Glagrig carries on, looking me up and down, dissecting me with his eyes. “You have quite the interesting record on file and Officer Intalran is quite adamant about your potential. Your simulator results speak for themselves, even if they are just simulations.”
“Thank you, Commander.” I can feel myself growing dizzy as I answer with uncertainty.
“Don’t thank me,” the all-consuming void in front of me replies with no hint of warmth, “just remember that your performance is under evaluation. It’s in my interests to keep note of promising young aspirants who might someday join my team, and I would hate to see you squander your talents.”
“I-I understand, Commander.” I flick my tail in agreement, straining not to look away towards the floor.
“Dismissed.” Glagrig brushes past me as he enters his office, moving to shut the door behind himself.
“Um, Commander?” I ask just before the door shuts, feeling a beckoning call of curiosity that even the predatory prestige exterminator couldn’t crush. “If you don’t mind me asking… Why do you have all that stuff up on the wall there?”
The door opens again, just a crack, and I can feel my superiors' weighty presence bearing down on me, almost suffocating in its intensity. “It’s simply a personal matter. I have reason to believe that the prior investigation regarding the kelach incident was conducted according to… insufficient standards. The predator responsible was never found and I intend to remedy that deficiency.”
“How hard could it be to find a kelach?” I tilt my ears in confusion. “They're huge!”
“Despite initial reports,” he answers with an ominous, cold tone that sends a chill up my spine, “it may be possible that we're dealing with something far more dangerous than just a kelach.”
“T-Thank you, Commander.” I flick my tail in appreciation and the door closes.
I breathe a sigh of relief as the malevolent aura recedes. That was too close.
“And you’re a complete moron going back to ask him more questions afterwards, Killer.” The voice rises with amusement. “What? Do you want him to figure you out and turn you to cinders? Only a matter of time, Killer.”
“Ugh, shut up.” I mutter under my breath, quickly turning back around to make sure Commander Glagrig didn’t hear me, but when no reprisal comes I quickly depart. If I’m gonna be stupid I should at least try not to do so right in front of his office.
As the imminent threat of our in-house prestige exterminator dwindles so too does the energy driven by the adrenaline of the encounter. It figures that the moment I roll out of bed I want to take a nap again, but I know the moment I lie back down I’ll be back to full wakefulness in an instant. That’s just how that sort of thing works. With that in mind there’s really only one solution, a big, steaming hot cup of tea.
Making my way towards the tea machine I spot Jonsco, the feisty little primitive that mans our dispatch centre, smacking the top of the dispenser with a clenched paw while holding a mug underneath it.
“Is the tea machine fixed?” I ask as I pull out a mug from the cabinet myself.
Jonsco sighs heavily and shoots me a combative glare. “For the last time it’s not my brahking job to fix this damn tea machine! You got a problem with that then you can go pester someone else about it!”
I shrink back under the harsh rebuke. Jonsco may be small, but there was as much rage and fury condensed into that little package as anyone else in this department. Maybe more.
“I… I didn’t mean to imply…I just wanted to know if it was working again or not… Sorry.” I sputter out, feeling properly admonished as I look away towards the ground.
Jonsco looks at me quizzically, his hard glare softening somewhat as he seems to truly see me for the first time before returning to his usual scowl.
“Right…Whatever you say…” With one final smack the machine coughs and chokes, sputtering to life with a struggle, and a small trickle of freshly brewed tea begins to fill Jonsco’s cup. “The machine is on the fritz again as usual, but if you hit it just right, do a little percussive maintenance, then you can get it started again.”
“Thanks, Jonsco.” I lean back against the wall and watch as the mug slowly fills, impressed by the primitives know-how. “That's actually pretty smart of you.”
“For a ‘primitive’ right?” The words are barbed and spiteful, but lack his typical enthusiasm, more of a simple statement of fact than a real question. I couldn't exactly deny it, those had been my thoughts, and so the silence drags on awkwardly, marked only by the splash of tea falling into the steadily rising pool.
“What are you doing here at this claw anyway?” I eventually ask, dodging the question entirely. “We’ve still got at least another half-claw until our crew's shift is supposed to start.”
“I could ask you the same thing, you know?” The angry little dispatch operator retorts. “I'm here early working an overtime shift so I can afford to put food on my family's table. It's expensive feeding that many mouths. What's your excuse?”
“I had a fight with my brother…” I rub the back of my neck as I turn away abashedly, “moved out of the apartment and into the barracks full time… couldn't sleep…”
“Well then you should hurry up and work on patching things up with him.” Jonsco looks at me with an uncharacteristic hint of sympathy in his eyes. “Your family are the only ones who might actually care. This Gods-damned place is a slyther’s nest and no one here gives a speh about you or your problems. If you want my advice, you should do your best to spend as little time in this cesspool as possible.”
With his cup now full, Jobsco steps back from the machine and begins walking out towards the main hall.
“Thanks, Jonsco.” My words stop him in his tracks as he walks away from me. “I appreciate it.”
“... You're welcome.” He says after a short pause, glancing back to look at me one more time before leaving. “See you around, Sawvek.”
Taking advantage of the tea machine while it’s still mostly working, I fill up my own cup and drink deeply of the warm, fragrant beverage. The taste is bitter and unpleasant, just about the quality I would expect of this Guild Hall, but even at the first taste it’s evident that it’s been loaded with an extra strength dose of caffeine. I down the drink quickly and rinse out the cup before continuing on my journey towards the training hall. Fatigue begins to fall away as I walk, bit by bit as the drug makes its way into my bloodstream, blocking off sleep receptors and energising me. I know I’ll probably pay for it later, no amount of caffeine can actually replace sleep, but for now it feels good and I can see how some people can get addicted to the stuff.
A loud, metallic clanging emanates from the gym as I approach, something unexpected for this time of paw. No one's reserved space in the gym for this claw and not many people are industrious enough to sweat on their own initiative. Peeking my head inside the door I spy Bikim, the perfect, privileged, ‘holier than thou’ brahkass occupying the otherwise empty weight room. His irritatingly handsome face is taut with strain as he performs a series of weighted squats, his back and leg muscles straining underneath his short-cropped wool, and he pants heavily under the exertion.
I’m half tempted just to leave and go back to bed despite the fact that there’s no way I’d be getting any sleep with the tea running through my system. It’s too early in the paw to deal with Bikim’s speh. Before I can slip away unnoticed though, he spots me. I give a heavy sigh and continue my way inside. There's nothing to be done for it now. Trying to back out now would only make things worse later, a sign of weakness.
“What… Do you want… Predator?” Bikim asks between gulps of air as he reracks his weights, practically hanging off the bar to support himself on shaky legs.
“Good paw to you too, Bikim.” I say, forcing civility into my tone. “I’m here to use the equipment. Same as you. I'm allowed.”
“Whatever…” He eyes me with suspicion. “Just keep your distance… I don't want to catch any of your taint.”
“Believe me,” I flick my tail out in irritation, “I intend to.”
Looking around the room for available spots, I march my way over towards a cable machine on the opposite side of the room. Not nearly as far from Bikim as I would like, but the farthest I can get without leaving the weight area entirely. Bikim watches me all the while as I seat myself down and begin adjusting the machine. Eventually he grows tired of watching me fumble around with the machine and returns to his own exercises with a displeased flick of the tail, quite obviously judging me for my lack of experience with the equipment.
A tense sort of quiet settles over the room as we each go about our business, trying our best to ignore one another. Bikim slowly winds his way around the room, cycling from station to station to exercise all the different parts of his body in sequence before repeating it all again. He seems to bypass my corner of the room, glancing over at me with each repetition of his pattern. For myself, I stay put where I am, taking advantage of the varied exercises offered by the versatile machine to experiment with different muscle groups. Occasionally I slip up, dropping the weights with a loud clang that always draws Bikim’s ire. Every time he seems just a bit more disgruntled, a bit less patient. Eventually, the constant disruption reaches a tipping point and the pompous, self-entitled jerk walks over to confront me.
“Do you always do this?” He asks rhetorically. “If you keep slamming the weights like that you're gonna break it. Your form is speh so either fix it or lower the weight so you don't have to keep compensating. Better yet, just leave. You’ve been monopolising the cable machine for almost half a claw now. I don't know why you're even here in the first place.”
“Oh, look at Mr. Know-it-all thinking he can just go around telling us what to do, eh Killer?” The voice rises to the challenge. “Where does a guy like that who's been handed everything his whole life think he can get off with telling us how we should be doing anything?”
“Brahk off Bikim!” I don't even try to reign in the predator inside, feeling justified in letting it roam free for once. “I didn't ask for your advice and you don't get to kick me out of the weight room just because you can't wait your turn! I'm here because I don't have anywhere else to go! Ever since Intalran dragged me into this stupid Guild this brahking job has taken over my entire life! I don't even have a home to go back to anymore!”
Bikim's body tenses at my tirade and his tail flicks out aggressively like a whip.
“That's your own damn fault, predator!” He shouts back, eager for the excuse to vent his own frustrations. “Maybe if you weren't just some blood-starved beast out roaming the streets then you wouldn't be here right now! I’ve read your file! You got a history of herdless behaviour and physical altercations! Someone should have institutionalised you a long time ago, but someone took pity on you and let you slip through the cracks because of your poor dying mommy! They should have known it would come back to bite them! A normal, functional member of the herd wouldn't even think to pick a flamer up off the ground and burn another person to death with it! But you? You did it instinctively! You revelled in it!”
“You think that was easy for me!” I get up and walk towards him as I yell incredulously. “You think I asked for that to happen! You think it was fun for me to get choked out and almost eaten! That thing I burned wasn't even a person anymore! It was a predator in the middle of a feeding frenzy! So yeah, I did what I did, and you know what? It's a good thing I did! If I wasn't a freak of nature then that thing would have kept on going and kept on killing! Last I checked, preventing that sorta thing was supposed to be your job, but I had to be the one to step up! Now I have to live with the consequences of my actions every paw, knowing that I’m a Protector-damned killer that doesn't belong anywhere! Maybe you, in your infinite wisdom, would've known the perfect thing to do in that situation, but I’m not you! I’ve had to work and struggle for every little thing I have! Not just had it handed to me on a silver platter!”
“Oh, so you got me all figured out do you?” Sarcasm drips from Bikim's mouth as he looks down on me. “You don't know me. You don't know my life or what I’ve been through, how hard I’ve worked to get where I am. You just see the end product from cycles of effort and assume that it's always been that way, that it's always been that easy. It hasn't.”
“Yes, I’m sure you had it so hard growing up Bikim.” Saying it aloud almost makes me laugh. “You’re such a child of privilege that it drips off of you with every move you make and every word you say. I hate people like you, thinking that you're better than everyone else just because you were lucky enough to be born into wealth and status. Try living like the other side for a change, scrounging for every credit just so you can afford to eat, and then try to tell me how hard you had it with a full belly and a warm home!”
“You’re right, predator,” Bikim says contemptuously, “I am a child of privilege. My family has a long and decorated military tradition, my father is a captain for the space corps, a brahking hero, and I’ve reaped the benefits of that. That privilege came at a cost though, and that’s called expectations. Second best is not good enough and I've had to put in ten times the effort as anyone else my whole life just to meet standards! At least you grew up with a father who was there for you and loved you without the condition that everything you do is perfect!”
“All that talk about reading my file and you didn't even get past the first page did you?” I snap at him with a snarl. “ I didn't grow up with a father at all! He's been dead since I was in elementary school! Killed in action! I barely even remember him anymore!”
That one seems to give Bikim pause, but I’m not done yet.
“If you and your whole family are such a bunch of brahking heroes then how come you're here, working as a common garrison exterminator in a run-down backwater city like this?” I taunt. “Shouldn't you be out gallantly fighting the Arxur with one of the fleets or on a colony pacification force rather than making my life here harder than it already is?”
“That's the price for failing to meet expectations,” Bikim quiets down, drawing away from the world and into himself, “the price for knocking up a beautiful, wonderful girl right after graduation and refusing to get rid of it afterwards. You get cut off. You lose that privilege, and you do whatever you have to in order to provide and try to be a good role model for your son.”
Now that one threw me for a loop. In the short time I’ve known Bikim I’ve had a lot of thoughts about him, few of them good, but never would I have expected him to be the type to take responsibility… For anything. Still, there is one thing about his story that doesn't line up…
“Oh really?” I take a step back as I watch for his reaction closely. “I seem to recall Jonsco mentioned just the other day that your wife had left you for a Human.”
“Don't you bring that brahking primitive into this!” Bikim's anger flares in an instant before returning to a subtle simmer of regret. “We’ve just been having a… a rough patch in our relationship. I’m not giving up on us. I’ll win her back. She's just… confused and being taken advantage of! It's all that damn predators fault!” Bikim sighs and sits down on a nearby bench. “You're not the only one whose had something taken from them because of this job. You're not the only one without a home to go back to.”
Looking at Bikim now, a sad, pathetic man moping on the bench with nothing better to do on his rest claw than to try to externalise his inner pain… I find it hard to stay angry at him. He's still a narcissistic brahk ass and a complete jerk, but it's hard to truly hate someone when you actually know them. I had made quite a few assumptions about him when we first met, and he certainly hadn't helped my impression of him since, but… perhaps I was wrong to judge him so harshly?
“Nah,” the voice chortles, “he’s a piece of speh that got what he brahking deserves for being an insufferable prick.”
Overhead the intercom crackles to life and I can hear Jonsco's voice reverberating over the airwaves.
“Officers Vaesh and Sawvek please report to the briefing area for assignment. Repeat. Officers Vaesh and Sawvek please report to the briefing area for assignment.”
“Sounds like it's time for your first field assignment, Kid.” Bikim says, staring up at the intercom. “At least it gets you out of my wool. Try not to brahk it up and make the rest of us look bad.”
“Hmph.” I turn to leave, muttering to myself. “Stupid brahkass.”
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N - Hello! Sorry this one took a while. Like I mentioned before I got delayed working on my Ficnapping chapter as well as a crossover One-shot that's still in progress (but hopefully will be done soon). In other news we have new art of Sawvek's life-changing encounter in the Builder's Lane Bloodbath as drawn by Miglove and you can still find that and everything else Nature of Family in the new Master Post linked up above.
If you like the story then please remember to upvote, comment, and use the “!Subscribeme” function to be alerted to all new posts. I post as often as I can but real life has a tendency of getting in the way and my job makes it almost impossible to keep to any kind of schedule. Your engagement and support go a long way towards helping to keep me on track and motivated, so thank you very much for reading and I hope you'll stay tuned for next chapter!

TLDR:

At the small post we were on, the 25m zero range and qual range SDZ's did not allow for firing these rifles. Something we only learned after confirming our zeros on the 25m range.
It's still heavy, but after a day or so you stop noticing it until you have to shoot from a standing position or doing are doing CQB. then you are painfully reminded how off balance the rifle is.
The two sample rifles we had were consistently 3 MOA guns.
The non-reciprocating charging handle on the left side is not as cool as I initially thought, and it ruins the whole "truly ambidextrous" feel that the Sig MCX line has.
The folding buttstock can go fuck itself.

A review of the 277 Fury rounds is here and you may need to read it for some context, but I have endeavored to make this review stand alone as much as possible.
Over the course of three days, a friend of mine and I lived with the M7 Spear. We spent time at various ranges, doing "tactical stuff", getting in and out of HMMWV's and GSA's, while trying to figure out the ins-and-outs of the rifle.
My sample, #087, had between 8K and 10K round rounds through it. The number of combat vs training rounds was not tracked, but given the expected barrel life is 10K combat rounds we ran a borescope through the barrel and the chamber to see what we could see.
His sample, #529, had between 6K and 8K of an unknown mix combat and training rounds through it. We ran the borescope through it as well.
There was no real difference in the wear between the two rifles.
We spent the morning of the first day playing around with the ammunition and doing comparisons against 308 168gr SMK, while the ultrasonic cleaner did Gods work on the various bits and bobs of our sample rifles.

Note when we did the ammo comparison we used a Remington 700PSS with 24" barrel. It quickly became apparent when we were testing the rifles, that was a poor benchmark, as the Remington outperformed both rifles in everything but rate of fire. Its a sniper rifle, granted its your Grandfather's sniper rifle, but its still a fucking sniper rifle. The Spear is not, its a battlerifle, and so I won't be including the comparisons here.

We tried cleaning them without the ultrasonic cleaner...but I'm not sure these rifles had ever been properly cleaned before.
I've got mixed feelings about the MCX system. It ticks a lot of boxes, short stroke gas piston, no need for a buffer tube or spring, superior handling of gas when suppressed and so on.
However, when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of the maintenance? I absolutely despise it. Despite owning a MCX in 300 blackout myself, every cleaning session feels overly complex and time consuming.
We kicked off the afternoon with both rifles, setting up for grouping and zeroing—my rig was outfitted with the Tango 6T sporting the "Hellfire" reticle in MOA, resembling your standard rifle scope setup. His, on the other hand, featured the same Tango 6T but with Hellfire in MILS, decked out with the Christmas tree reticle.
Some time back, I made a comment after my initial rounds with the Spear, labeling it a "tack driver." In hindsight, I probably should have clarified that bit. Typically, when shooting a new rifle, if I land three out of five shots within a 1 to 1.5 MOA spread, I chalk up any outliers to user error rather than blaming the rifle or the ammunition.
However, it appears that assumption was a bit off.
Our zeroing and grouping efforts at 100 yards turned into quite the saga. We found ourselves mostly hitting 3 rounds within the 1 to 1.5 MOA range, but occasionally, one or two shots would balloon the group size to between 2.5 and 3 MOA.
Instead of descending into frustration and stubborn attempts to tighten these groups, we opted to settle for anything under three MOA as acceptable for our purposes and proceeded to finalize our zero.

Side note, my last zero group was my best of the day coming it at just over 2 MOA. My friends best group came in at 1.8, and quite honestly he's a better shot than I am.

Research shows that the original specs for the NGSW called for a 4 MOA battle rifle. Despite some noticeable barrel wear on our two test models, both rifles still performed beyond this requirement.
Following our grouping and zeroing session, we spent the remainder of the afternoon plinking with training rounds at 100 yards.
During this, I learned a hard lesson about the non-reciprocating charging handle—it needs to be firmly locked forward before hitting the bolt release on the left side. After a couple of painful mishaps and a few close calls, I finally caught on and made it a routine to ensure the handle was properly set before engaging the bolt release.
I really wanted to get on board with the side charging handle, but after three days, I'm just not a fan. It tended to snag on my gear (Eagle MARCRIS plate carrier) when maneuvering or positioning the rifle to fire, making it less convenient than I had hoped.
Interestingly, I found myself using it more during offhand shooting. I'd instinctively remove my left hand from the pistol grip to work the side charging handle, rather than using my right hand on the traditional top charging handle. Yes, I'm aware this breaks the cardinal rule of keeping your firing hand on the grip, but this method felt more intuitive, similar to operating a bolt-action rifle.
When shooting offhand, the rifle scores highly. I don't often shoot this way, but I encountered none of the usual drawbacks associated with traditional AM platforms. Aside from the tricky side charging handle, the rifle seemed inherently designed for ambidextrous use, which I particularly appreciated when firing left-handed.
I was tempted to launch into a tirade about the ridiculously designed folding stock, but you deserve a more structured critique. Here are the three major gripes:

The stock's release mechanism is a convoluted affair involving an awkward dance of pushing down on the rifle while yanking up on the buttstock just to get it to close.
Once "closed," the stock doesn't truly secure—it juts out at a precarious 20-degree angle, seemingly relying on mere friction to stay in place, which neither of our samples managed successfully.
The overall build felt flimsy and loose, perhaps a consequence of the extensive wear from firing 8,000 to 10,000 rounds.

After wrestling with these issues, we wrapped up with a quick cleaning session for the rifles before heading out to the range we’d "camping" at.
The next day, we arrived ready to group, zero, and qualify with a local unit. We had informed them of our visit and assumed everything was squared away with range control.
However, that assumption fell flat. Turns out, the range’s surface danger zones weren’t set up for the 277 Fury. Just as we finished dialing in our zero (.75 inches low at 25m), range control showed up, questioning our activities.
Following an awkward exchange and the diplomatic offering of a case of beer, they agreed to let us continue and even served as OIC and RSO for the KD range. We proceeded with the old KD qualification, alternating between marking and raising targets, and both of us qualified without any issues.
With some extra time on our hands, and much to the amusement of range control, the session evolved into a lively mix of burpees and sprinting between shooting positions. We experimented with various firing positions and sequences, such as starting from standing unsupported at 100 yards and moving down to kneeling unsupported. This exercise underscored the rifle’s heft yet manageability, while also highlighting how the forward-heavy balance made extended unsupported shooting particularly taxing on the arms and upper back.
The afternoon unfolded with battledrills and land navigation alongside the unit we were scheduled to qualify with. Given the theoretical roles and limited numbers, the platoon leader assigned us to the designated marksman/squad designated marksman roles, which was logical considering we were the only ones equipped with the new rifles while the rest of the squad used M4s.
This setup sparked an intense discussion among the officers about how tactical deployment might shift once the rifle was fully integrated into service. There was plenty of speculation on how military tactics and doctrines would need to adapt to leverage the new capabilities offered by this rifle.
However, I'm somewhat skeptical. I don't see this rifle as the revolutionary game-changer it’s touted to be. While it's undoubtedly suited for the designated marksman role, I doubt the Army will invest the necessary time, money, and resources to train every soldier to this level of proficiency. Consider that there are reserve units that only qualify every four years, often just to help "point-needy" soldiers piggyback for qualification. This rifle won’t alter that reality.
As for the night qualification, we were slated to test that as well, but circumstances didn’t allow for it, so I can’t comment on how the rifle performs at night with night vision devices.
On the third morning, we headed to the LMG range, ready to go full-auto from a bipod, gearing up to tackle the 249 qualification.
Honestly, this was the most amazing shooting experience I've had in ages. The only snag was the 20-round magazine capacity, which felt limiting amid the thrill—it was the only moment of frustration in an otherwise splendid session.
We ran a practice session with the training rounds, followed by a qualification shoot with both the training and combat rounds. By lunchtime, our shoulders were thoroughly sore, but I can't remember the last time I'd grinned that much in a long while.
Post-lunch, we dropped in on some local law enforcement officers who were operating a shoot house. Initially, we navigated the course with M4s to familiarize ourselves with the layout and safety protocols. After getting a handle on things, we switched to the M7s, running through the course using the last of our training rounds, having depleted our combat rounds earlier on the machine gun range.
Both of us found ourselves moving significantly slower with the M7s. Reviewing the footage, it was clear that I was painfully slow to get on target with the M7. It wasn't just about slower movements, but also a delayed response in engagement. Initially, I chalked it up to age, I'm over 50 and a bit heavier than ideal, but the reality struck when I saw I wasn’t this slow with the M4. In fact, I was quicker than some of the officers.
Similarly, my buddy was slower than usual, not lagging behind me, but certainly off his usual pace with the M4.
Interesting side note: We're no longer welcome at that shoot house. The staff was fully aware of our arrival and what we brought along, and everything seemed fine until the exercise wrapped up and we faced some "constructively harsh feedback" about 277 and damage done to the tire and sandbag walls as well as the plywood target backers.
That's rant for another time.
Regarding the suppressor:
It's really more of an enhanced flash hider than a true suppressor. I'm probably a bit biased—shooting a 300 Blackout through a Sig TI suppressor spoils you with its movie hitman silence.
By comparison, the M7 setup was louder than my suppressed .308 shooting 175gr SMK.
On the topic of the optic:
The Tango6 was decent.
The clarity was impressive, and its brightness and MOA configuration were points in its favor.
However, achieving a consistent cheek weld and finding the right optic position for proper eye relief across magnifications 1 through 6, especially from unsupported positions, proved challenging.
The issue could be me, the stock, or the optic itself. While it was somewhat bothersome, it wasn't enough to cause significant frustration.

Date: 05/15/2024

Reading time: 11 minutes, 2384 words

🪖 Military

The ceremony of withdrawal of peacekeepers from Nagorno-Karabakh took place

Russian peacekeepers were in Nagorno Karabakh based on a statement of November 9, 2020. The military group was supposed to stay in the region until 2025, which could be extended for another five years. The population of Artsakh was subjected to forced displacement, more than 100 thousand people moved from Artsakh to Armenia.

CivilNet

Armenia and Slovakia discuss issues of military-technical cooperation

Armenia participated in the IDEB-2024 defense exhibition in Bratislava, Slovakia, at the invitation of the Slovak Ministry of Defense. A number of agreements have been reached between Armenia and Slovakia.

Armenpress, Armenia, Slovakia discuss expanding defence cooperation

Armenia and India plan to create a working group on defense issues

The first defense consultations between the Ministries of Defense of Armenia and India took place under the chairmanship of Levon Ayvazyan. The progress and development prospects of Armenia-India cooperation in the field of defense were discussed, including military-technical, personnel military education and tactical training, exchange of experience and other fields.

CivilNet, Armenian and Indian Defense Ministries hold first defense consultations in Yerevan, Armenia, India hold first defense consultations

🏛️ Politics & Government

Over 52% of respondents in Armenia support Tavush for Homeland movement to certain extent, Gallup phone poll shows

A total of 35.1% of respondents in Armenia said they “fully support” the Tavush for Homeland movement, Aram Navasardyan, head of the Armenian office of GALLUP International Association, said at a press conference on Wednesday. 17.8% said they feel “more than positively” about the movement, 10% - ‘more than negatively’, 10.5% “absolutely negatively”; 13.6% found it difficult to answer the question.

ArkaAm

Civil disobedience campaigns continue in Yerevan

People demanding Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan’s resignation again blocked streets in Yerevan on May 15.

PanArmenian

The Baku court has extended the terms of detention of Artsakh officials for five months

Former presidents Bako Sahakyan, Arayik Harutyunyan, Davit Babayan and Davit Ishkhanyan are speaking. The detention period of the former President of Artsakh Arkady Ghukasyan was also extended by five months. 23 Armenian servicemen and civilians were arrested in September 2023, after a one-day war against Artsakh.

CivilNet

Political consultations held between foreign ministries of Armenia, Georgia

The Republic of Armenia and Georgia held a round of political consultations in Tbilisi on May 13-14. It is noted that the participants of the meeting reviewed the existing relations between the two countries.

Armenpress, Political consultations held between Foreign Ministries of Armenia and Georgia

Education reforms, institutional development, peace agenda implementation: PM delivers speech at EBRD annual meeting

Nikol Pashinyan attended the opening ceremony of the annual meeting of the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development in the Republic of Armenia. Armenia's economy has grown by almost 30 percent since the People's Nonviolent Velvet Revolution of 2018.

Armenpress, Prime Minister highly values the partnership with the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development, Armenian PM and EBRD President discuss joint projects and perspectives, EBRD plans to invest up to 500 million Euros in Armenia in 2024, EBRD and InecoBank bolster science innovation hub in Yerevan

Border delimitation between Armenia, Azerbaijan should become a key tool for learning peaceful coexistence - PM

Armenia and Azerbaijan lack experience and knowledge of peaceful co-existence, says Prime Minister. Pashinyan: "What you don't know brings uncertainties, concerns, tensions, which you understandably formulate and perceive based on your experience"

Armenpress, Moscow welcomes Armenia-Azerbaijan foreign ministers' negotiations in Almaty, Demarcation should become one of the tools that will teach Armenia and Azerbaijan to live peacefully – PM Pashinyan

PM Pashinyan sends congratulatory message to the Prime Minister of Serbia

Nikol Pashinyan congratulates Miloš Vučević on occasion of his election to the post of the Prime Minister of the Republic of Serbia. The message reads as follows: "Armenia values friendly relations with Serbia based on mutual respect and trust"

Armenpress

Armenia and EBRD sign €236 million agreement for Sisian-Kajaran road construction

The EBRD signed a loan agreement worth €236 million for the construction of the 24.2 km southern section of the Sisian-Kajaran North-South Road. The project is a strategic priority for Armenia, ensuring its connectivity and access to Europe and beyond.

Armenpress, EBRD plans to invest up to 500 million Euros in Armenia in 2024, EBRD grants Armenia 12 million euros for the construction of a logistics center in Syunik, EBRD funds largest road project in Armenia

Armenia and France expand cooperation in civil aviation sector

Meeting was held between the Director General, Mihran Khachatryan, and the Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary of France to the Republic of Armenia, Olivier Decottignies. Issues of strengthening and expanding cooperation between Armenia and France in the field of civil aviation were discussed.

Armenpress, French Development Agency to extend cooperation with Armenia’s government, Armenia, France extend partnership in civil aviation, Armenia and France are expanding cooperation in the field of civil aviation, Armenia, French Development Agency to expand cooperation

The delegation led by Tigran Avinyan leaves for Paris

The Yerevan delegation will visit Paris from May 15 to 19. They will meet with the president of the regional council of Île-de-France.

Armenpress, Yerevan Mayor to travel to Paris on May 15-19

Moscow sees the need to resume the work of the tripartite group on the issue of de-blockade

Moscow considers it necessary to resume work of tripartite working group co-chaired by deputy prime ministers of Russia, Armenia and Azerbaijan on blockade issue. Russian Deputy Foreign Minister Mikhail Galuzin said about it in an interview with the News.ru website: "We do not use the term Zangezur Corridor, but in favor of the complete unblocking of economic and transport communications in the South Caucasus. He also spoke about the role of Russian peacekeepers in Karabakh.

CivilNet

Armenia is waiting for the decision to join the European Peace Foundation. Pashinyan

Pashinyan: We are waiting for the decision to include Armenia in the European Peace Fund. The fund was established in 2021 to promote world peace, prevent conflicts and supply non-lethal weapons to countries in need. In mid-April, the media wrote that a preliminary agreement was reached in Brussels to provide 10 million euros to Armenia from this fund, but Hungary blocked the decision.

CivilNet

Mirzoyan to take part in Council of Europe ministers’ Committee session in Strasbourg

Ararat Mirzoyan will travel to French city of Strasbourg for a working visit on 16-17 May. He will take part in the 133rd session of the Committee of Ministers, devoted to the celebration of 75 years since the foundation of the Council of Europe.

ArkaAm, Armenian FM to participate in the session of CoE Committee of Ministers

High-Tech Minister: Armenia considers creating investment fund

Armenia’s Minister of High-Tech Industry Mkhitar Hayrapetyan discussed a potential creation of an investment fund in the country with Noubar Afeyan, the founder of venture capital firm Flagship Pioneering. Fund is expected to improve cooperation between Armenian authorities and the private sector.

ArkaAm

Armenia's policy is to diversify its foreign relations - Pashinyan

Armenia's policy is to diversify its foreign relations in all areas, Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan said at Copenhagen Democracy Summit. "We are happy about the deployment of the EU Civilian Monitoring Mission on the border between Armenia and Azerbaijan," he said. The prime minister said that the EU decision on Armenia's inclusion in the European Peace Facility is now awaited.

ArkaAm

Moscow slams EU mission in Armenia for “provocative activity”

The EU mission is doing more and more against Armenia’s neighbors Russia, Azerbaijan and Iran, Mikhail Galuzin said.

PanArmenian

Uruguay Chamber of Representatives votes to submit draft law on the Armenian Genocide Memorial Day to executive branch

Chamber of Representatives of Uruguay on May 14 unanimously passed the draft law declaring April 24 as Armenian Genocide Memorial Day in Uruguay, 74 votes in favor by the 74 MPs present. After the executive's approval within 10 days, the law will come into force immediately, the Armenian Embassy in Uruguay said in a post on Facebook.

Armenpress, Uruguay House of Representatives approves billdeclaring April 24 as Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day

Slovak PM in ‘life-threatening condition’ after being shot

Slovakia's Prime Minister Robert Fico is fighting for his life after he was shot multiple times following a government meeting. Fico's condition is life-threatening and he’s being flown by helicopter to hospital for emergency treatment.

Armenpress, Slovak PM Fico in hospital after being shot, Violence has no place in politics: Armenian PM wishes speedy recovery to Slovakia’s Robert Fico, Slovak PM in life-threatening condition after assassination attempt, Slovak PM Fico in hospital after being shot

Zelenskiy cancels visit to Spain and Portugal

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy has cancelled a visit to Spain and Portugal, authorities said on Wednesday. CNN Portugal and other media reported it was because of renewed fighting in his country. Spain's King Felipe of Spain had been due to hold a reception and host a meal in his honour. He had also been expected to sign a bilateral security cooperation agreement.

Armenpress

The Power of One Dram Sums up the Two-Year Program with Teach for Armenia

During November and December 2021, AMD 9,328,753 was transferred to the “Teach for Armenia” educational foundation. The amount gathered within the framework of “The Power of One Dram” initiative of IDBank and Idram. As a result, two schools of Aragatsotn Region have been conducting an education program based on change for two years.

Armenpress, Power of One Dram sums up two-year program with Teach for Armenia

Blinken, guitar in hand, sings ‘Rockin’ in the Free World’ in Kyiv bar

U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken plays guitar and sings Neil Young's "Rockin' in the Free World" with a local band. Blinken assured Ukrainians they are not alone and that billions of dollars in American military aid on its way will make a "real difference" on the battlefield.

Armenpress

Armenia’s ruling party frames anti-government protesters as ‘Russia-backed’ on social media: DEMOCRACY WATCH #4

A CivilNet investigation has found that the campaigns, mostly on Facebook, are generated by the country’s ruling party. Among the main targets is the leader of the protest movement Archbishop Bagrat Galstanyan, the Primate of the Tavush Diocese. They circulate videos and photos suggesting his involvement in a “Russian plan to destabilize Armenia”

CivilNet, Echoes of Déjà Vu: Reviving Resistance in Armenia, Archbishop Bagrat: This is our first victory

India and Iran have announced the launch of the Chabahar port development project

India and Iran signed a ten-year agreement on the development and operation of Iran's Chabahar port. The agreement aims to expand regional communication and facilitate trade, particularly between India, Iran and Afghanistan. India has invested in the infrastructure and modernization of the port, making it a viable transit route for Indian goods to Afghanistan and Central Asia.

CivilNet

U.S. warns Georgia not to side with Moscow against the west

Georgia has been warned by the U.S. not to become an adversary of the west by falling back in line with Moscow.

PanArmenian

💵 Economy

EBRD predicts Armenia’s economy to grow by 6.2% in 2024

The European Bank for Reconstruction and Development expects Armenia’s economy to grow by 6.2% in 2024 and 4,8% in 2025. The EBRD forecasted a 4.5% economic growth in 2024 for Armenia in its previous report, published in September 2023. The World Bank expects the Armenian economy to. grow by 5.5%, the IMF predicts 5% growth for the country's economy in 2024.

ArkaAm

VTB (Armenia) expands opportunities for cross-border money transfers by phone number

Retail customers of VTB Bank (Armenia) can receive money transfers from Russia by phone number. Funds are credited instantly to the recipient's account or card in national currency. In 2023, the bank's retail customers received more than 94 thousand money transfers.

ArkaAm, VTB-Armenia Bank has expanded the possibilities of international transfers by telephone

EBRD has significantly improved the forecast of the growth of the Armenian economy in 2024 to 6.2%

The EBRD predicts 6.2 percent economic growth in Armenia in 2024, and 4.8 percent in 2025. The World Bank expects that Armenia's economy will grow by 5.5 percent in 2024. The IMF predicts a 5 percent growth for the country's economy in 2024 and 2025.

ArkaAm

Donations to Armenia:

Himnadram
ServicemenFund
Armenian Wounded Heroes
ArmeniaFund

Hey everybody,
This is my first post on this forum and I wish I had done it a long time ago. I wanted to share my story in the hopes that others experiencing a similar thing will feel less alone in their struggles. This is going to be a long post because there is a lot to unpack but I hope it helps someone.
I'm a 26 and male and have been struggling with anxiety on and off my whole life and was only recently diagnosed. I grew up in a religious family with many siblings in Canada. I remember I've always had anxiety related to uncertainty or lack of control. I think it also didn't help that my mom was quite strict at home and expected chores to be done perfectly. There was lots of discord in our family between my siblings and my mom and I think that contributed to exacerbating whatever predisposition I had towards anxiety. I remember having these episodes when I was younger that would last weeks or months where I would hyper fixate on a worry but then eventually it would pass and I would feel happy and normal again. I worried about if god actually existed, if what I was told about religion was true and for some reason the thought that it might not be true really bothered me. I remember my sister telling me about someone who had committed suicide when I was young and that scared the hell out of me for weeks (I had to sleep in my parents room) because it didn't make sense to me and I was scared it would happen to me. Aside from these month long episodes I also never felt a close emotional connection with my parents and I think as a result I developed a need to pursue academic achievements in the hopes I would be recognised and loved even though my parents didn't pressure me to get perfect grades. I remember also getting anxious about existential things that looking back seem kind of silly to be anxious about. For example when I first saw inception I got so scared that my life was a dream and I had no way to prove otherwise.
Whenever I would get anxious, I would talk to my parents about it and the basic response would be for them to pray for me and ask god to take away the anxiety. It felt comforting in the moment and I think they were doing their best but it never really helped long term. I never learned the skills to manage my anxiety on my own and would always seek external reassurance. Talking to my parents now they never saw my anxiety as something I needed professional help with - it was just adolescent things that would pass.
In junior high things were pretty good, I was homeschooled and I remember sometimes gettting frustrated with school but not more than that. In high school things were really good, I think they were probably the best 3 years of my life (2012-2015) - I did really well academically, was nominated for valedictorian and had great friends. I can barely remember feeling bad at all during this time. However near the end of my final exams I remember getting very anxious that I might screw up my reputation as the perfect student and fail my diploma exams - I had no reason to believe that I would fail but I was terrified nonetheless. I didn't fail and did pretty well but this feeling of anxiety persisted throughout the summer and into my first year of engineering where it got really bad - I had anxiety all day every day for most of the first year of university because I was constantly afraid of failing exams. Everyone said that engineering was hard and that a third of the people drop out and I thought my world would end if I didn't do well. I got stuck in a rut of near-constant anxiety that lasted most of the 4 years of my undergraduate - I rarely remember being happy or relaxed during this time.
Looking back at that time is very painful for me - I passed all my courses and even did reasonably well and graduated but I was anxious most days. During the first summer of my degree I worked as a merchandiser at a hardware store because my confidence was so low I didn't even really try that much to get an engineering job. During the summer of my second year I worked as a sales representative for an alarm company and I really felt gross doing that work. But I didn't believe in my ability to get a better job so I travelled around Alberta using dirty sales tactics to try to get people to buy theses systems and I felt so gross doing it. Looking back now there are countless memories I have of feeling anxious in so many situations - at home, at school, at work - near constant. I'm actually surprised I did as well as I did at the time with all this going on. I wonder now why I didn't seek out professional help but I think for the longest time growing up the response was for my parents to pray for me when I got anxious and so that's what I knew. Mental health, therapy, and psychologists were never discussed and to be honest I never really considered them. At the time I couldn't believe I was anxious because I had been so confident and capable in highschool. I think I had an ego and thought I would just grow out of it, that if I performed well in school my anxiety would go away with time. I thought I just needed to perservere and push through it. I didn't want to admit I needed help and I think in the back of my mind I was afraid to seek help because I thought anybody I spoke to about this stuff would judge me and say I was crazy, and that I was too broken and couldn't be helped. I think I was also a bit scared to seek help because I thought maybe it would make my anxiety worse.
After university things got better year by year. I have never returned to what appears to me a blissful time in high school. I think there was an underlying current of anxiety but it was pretty okay and more focused on specific stressful events that occasionally occured in my life - but it wasn't constant and chronic like it was in the 4 years of university from 2015 to 2019. I thought I was moving beyond it and growing out of it because from 2020 to 2024 or so things were pretty good. I had a good engineering job, made good money, and had good relationships with friends. I was exercising, occasionally doing some meditation, and had even done a bit of work on cognitive behavioral therapy for myself, but I had never gone for professional help, I thought I was dealing with it successfully on my own. I knew anxiety was normal and I never expected to completely get rid of it, but at the same time I did expect that I was passed the point of feeling these long, chronic periods of anxiety.
But in December of 2023/Januray of 2024 I got the most anxious I have ever been and I think it was triggered by talking with my older brother David about his difficult experiences growing up in our family and how he was struggling with depression. I shared some of my stuff and I think that opened the floodgates. My anxiety came back and I was absolutely terrified and depressed by the thought that I would have to re-experience those 4 years of university with chronic anxiety. Its kind of crazy but up until that point I never thought I had an actual disorder and I always thought that as I grew older I would outgrow it and I would be fixed. In January it was the first time I realized "holy shit, this might be here to stay and I might have to live with this for the rest of my life". I was so scared and terrified of having to live the rest of my life like I did in university that I started having suicidal thoughts pop up during the days - I never acted on them but these thoughts only fueled my anxiety and sense of hopelessness. It was only during this dark time that I realized I needed help and started going to see a GP. I did 8 weeks of mindfulness and meditation but this didn't really help - it felt like I was treating symptoms and not dealing with some very deep, long-term issues that I had never really spoken about with anyone. After the mindfulness I got into cognitive behavioural therapy and it was the first time I spilled everything to someone, my whole life story and it was a relief and a scary thing. A relief to get it all out but scary to admit to myself the extent of my issues. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and am only now unpacking things. The last four months since January have probably been the hardest of my life - every day feels like a struggle to get through, the weight of all my past experiences and reliving all those anxious moments feels unbearable at times and the idea that I will have to live like this for the rest of my life is just too much. And I wonder if I'm too broken to be fixed. Despite the awful mood I've been in for months, the doctors in the Netherlands have been resistent to prescribing medication before trying therapy and CBT. I'm not eager to go on meds but it does get REALLY bad some days and I feel like I'm just adding more highly negatively emotionally charged memories to a huge bucket that's already overflowing and I wonder if the meds would be helpful. I'm grateful that during this time I have a lovely friend that I can call in tears and she understands and supports me, I've also opened up more to what I'm experiencing with my parents who are supportive.
I'm glad I finally opened up and sought help and I wish I had done this 10 years ago, if it had worked back then it would have saved me so much time, emotional pain, and suffering. But I also recognize I was doing the best I could at the time with the knowledge I had, and I need to practice compassion and kindness for my past self. But I want my story to encourage others to reach out for help. I'm still in the thick of things myself but day by day, I hope to get better. It's difficult because I feel like I'm doing all the health things - exercising, meeting with people, talking to friends and family about it and yet it's very rare that I feel at peace with myself and sometimes the weight of it all makes it hard to see a path out without ending things. To fix years of this anxiety its like having to open up a festering wound and clean it and purge it - it's gonna hurt like hell and I expect it will take a long, long time. I just hope I'm that somehow, despite it all, I can still be fixed and have a good life. I want to encourage others who may be too ashamed or embarassed or not sure about asking for help. Please do, the strongest and most courageous thing I have ever done has been to open up about these issues and ask someone for help. Don't wait like I did, don't try to push through on your own for years, ask for help and anyone who judges you isn't worth your time.
For myself I think it is going to be a long healing journey, not only to deal with my anxiety directly but to deal with the years of unprocessed trauma as a result of my anxiety. We can get through this together, stay strong!
I'm also curious to hear if anyone else relates to anything I have said here, its also nice to hear from others who have been in similar situations and how they got through it :)

I cooked up a way to potentially fix the htb+rm ultra attachment issues that isnt just "give her superbreak" or "steal Boothills talent" and also tackle another one being the people disappointed that she doesn't have a big attack similar to her Ultra Rider Kick boss attack.
my idea is this: when in the ultimate enhanced state, records the total amount of toughness damage done to enemies, recording the amount of toughness even on weakness broken enemies. once the enhanced state ends, places all enemies in a special state. while in this state, all enemies regenerate the max amount of toughness they have, and will regenerate it immediately upon getting broken (imagine the sunday boss multi toughness bar but infinity) firefly will then launch a follow up attack, dealing x% of her atk+be dmg to all enemies. the amount of toughness dealt by this atk is equal to the amount of toughness you dealt to that enemy that was recorded. every time you break the enemy it will deal the break damage again. so for example if in her ult state you did enough toughness damage to break a certain unit 4 times, they will take her break damage 4 times.
this would make her more of a delayed nuker type of unit where by she will ult, do her break stuff, and then at the end pay it off in a massive nuke. they can then put her ultra rider kick boss attack as the animation for this. this frees her both from ruan mei and htb, the former because action advancers can provide an alternate way to increase the damage by virtue of more actions instead of increased weakness break efficiency, the latter because now she can do meaningful damage without her, while still retaining a unique niche compared to boothills snowballing break reprocs and not double dipping into super breaks from htb to allow the two to work together without overlapping mechanics.
would this result in being broken as fuck? i mean probably yeah, especially because if you still choose to run the bis super break comp, youre effectively just adding a nuke on top of already big ass damage from the super break stuff. but at least this can solve the problem of her lacking damage post break by herself in a more unique way than just "make her reproc breaks a bunch" which should probably count for something, right? my only concern is this would require them to make new animations (or theoretically they could flat out reuse the boss attack animation and i wouldnt mind it at all but i seriously doubt theyd do that) and rework her ult mechanics, and idk if theyd go that far even for a version 3 beta change. theres also the question of what happens when you kill an enemy/go to next wave of moc before the finisher triggers, i would like there to be a way to carry over the recorded toughness damage but since in this current iteration it records per enemy idk how thatll work. probably distributing the recorded values to the new enemies that come in proportional to their max toughness? either way, the execution of the raw mechanics can be discussed either way, but the concept of adding that nuke finisher to the end of her ult to me feels like the best way to solve her problems in a unique way with respect to boothill and hmc.

Bovada Sportsbook Review 2024

Bovada History
Bovada has firmly established itself as the most popular offshore online sportsbook for players in the U.S. Bovada covers a typical range of sports. It has a top-rated reputation for paying customers out on time, and we have always found the customer service at Bovada to be responsive and has multiple ways of staying in contact with a customer.
Bovada was initially part of the Bodog, the brand launched by entrepreneur Calvin Ayre in 2000. Bovada is the U.S. sports betting app, If you are looking for a sports betting sites in Canada Bodog is available today.
Customer Service
The customer service team works 24/7, 365 days a year. Bovada’s customer service team tends to be active across the web’s sports betting and gambling forums. There is chat, email and of course phone options for getting in touch with Bovada. If you are on X then there is a Bovada handle to follow.
Is Bovada safe? The site uses SSL encryption software to keep the connection secure. Bovada has been in business for over 20 years. If it was one of those rip off sites, then it would have gone out of business a long time ago. The team at Bovada has made it a premier offshore site and a large part of the credit goes to the responsive nature of the customer service department.
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The Bovada site has all of the sports betting wagers than a US customer would expect. Ease of navigation, betting menu and overall aesthetics. It is easy to browse and the various sports and markets are laid out in an obvious manner. The site is devoid of unnecessary clutter.
The menu at the top of the homepage allows you to choose from the most popular sports, including football, basketball, soccer, and hockey. There are also icons that take you straight through to the live betting section and to a list of all the sports covered. A Quick Links section to the left of the sports betting homepage also alerts you to big sporting events that are about to take place, while you will see the most important upcoming ball games listed in the middle of the page. You can switch from American odds to fractional or decimal odds.
Sports Betting Experience
Bovada offers a wide range of betting options for anyone that likes to bet on sports. All of the major sports are covered, football, basketball, baseball, hockey, soccer, tennis, golf, boxing, and UFC. They also offer smaller markets like, table tennis, badminton, winter sports, and Aussie rules. European sports like darts, snooker, cricket, rugby league, and rugby union will see them covered at Bovada.
As a US focused site, the United States customer will see their favorite sports offered with a large number of bets available. NFL, NBA, MLB and NHL fans will find betting options to choose from on each game. You will often find more than 100 different bet types on offer when you click on an NFL game. The odds include, spread, totals, and win as would be expected. However, Bovada provides fans with alternative spreads and props as well. Yes, Bovada offers same game parlays just like Fanduel and Draftkings do. If you are currently wagering at one of these books then it is worth taking a look at Bovada to see if your bet has a better return at Bovada. Why make an SGP bet for +800 when Bovada is offering +950?
What about European sports? Bovada offers more than 100 betting odds on a big Premier League or La Liga game. Popular betting options such as draw no bet, correct score, and half-time/full-time betting to corners, goal props, and more.
There is also a politics betting section at Bovada. If you want to bet on politics in the US, you must use an offshore site. Political wagers are banned at Draftkings, Fanduel, BetMGM, Caesars and all US located betting sites. It is against Federal law for any betting site located in the United States to offer bets on politics.
Betting Menu Odds
Bovada generally offers everything you would expect from Draftkings or Fanduel. In fact, when Draftkings & Fanduel first started out, they were just clones of Bovada.
Mobile Betting App Review
The Bovada betting app is a browser extension. Bovada offers a mobile betting interface with all of the qualities of an app but with one big difference. An app from the Google or Apple app store would also include a lot of spywares. Your every movement would be tracked. This is how BetMGM and Caesars apps operate. They have access to all of your phone calls and text messages on your app. Bovada doesn't operate like this. There is fare more personal privacy with using a browser extension than using an Apple spyware app.
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The Bovada site includes sports, online casino, live dealer, poker, and horses. The online casino at Bovada is one of the largest casinos in the world and will satisfy 95% of online casino customers. Casino games including blackjack, table games, slots, and specialty games. The casino section displays a collection of featured games when you arrive, made up of classic slots, popular table games, and Bovada is constantly adding new games to satisfy the US gaming market. The video poker has 17 different game options such as; Deuces Wild, Joker Poker 52 Hands, and Double Double Bonus Poker. There is also a large variety of live dealer games.
Reputation
Is Bovada legit? The site has been around since 2000. It is not one of those betting sites that comes and goes in a couple of years. Bovada has been around for over 20 years because of customer loyalty. The customers know that the Bovada motto, "never missed a payout" is vital to staying in business. Bovada has also stayed in business this long by evolving to meet the changing desires of the US betting market. When customers want a new type of bet or a new casino game. Bovada responds.
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Bovada Cons

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Bovada Casino Bonus Codes & Free Spins

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Bovada offers better bonuses and quicker withdrawal times if you use crypto. If you are new to crypto and need a guide to getting started. Bovada offers an online video series on how to setup a crypto wallet. Purchase crypto and how to deposit & withdraw from Bovada.
See videos on how to setup a crypto wallet and make your deposit.
Video – How to Get Started Using Crypto
New To Crypto?
Registration Screen
This will be your first step to opening an account with Bovada
You will need to provide the following:

1. Your First and Last Name
2. Your Date of Birth
3. A mobile number for verification
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5. Preferred currency. You do NOT need to make all withdrawals & deposits with the choice.
6. Your Zip Code. Bovada does not accept bets in: Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Maryland, or Delaware.
7. Click on verification text or email. Bovada Registration Screen. This will be your first step to opening an account with Bovada. You will need to provide the following. Your First and Last Name Your Date of Birth A mobile number for verification An email address for promotions and verification Preferred currency. You do NOT need to make all withdrawals & deposits with the choice. Your Zip Code. Bovada does not accept bets in : Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Maryland, or Delaware. Click on verification text or email.

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2. In the upper right will be an account icon
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8. After making a deposit a verification screen with reference number will show
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Some background: My husband and I bought our house in August of 2020 before the market took off. We’rethe first to admit we got it at an amazing price, we’re also the youngest people in our neighbor and first time home buyers. (He’s 31 and I’m 29, so we were 27 and 25 when we bought) Our neighborhood has about 100 houses in it and we’ve never really had any serious issues with the HOA in our four years. Always paid dues on time, and honestly love our immediate neighbors in our cul-de-sac. However we have a new HOA board this year and they are on a fucking power trip, absolutely insane abuse of power and I’m not here for it.
Onto the issues, about three weeks ago we get THREE violations. One to mulch our yard, one because our trash cans were visible from the street and one because we needed to pressure wash the driveway. The violations were dated for April 17th, we didn’t receive them via email or mail until April 24th, giving us ten days to rectify each issue. We had some bushes removed and landscaping being changed and said we’d mulch our yard AFTER it was done as it would have ruined the mulch. The completion date that we gave them was until April 21st, meaning they APPROVED us not mulching until then, yet still somehow wanted to give us a notice for not mulching yet because they apparently can’t read or remember?
The trash cans were in front of our house because we went out of town for 10 days and our neighbors agreed to take them down for us so our garage wouldn’t smell, and told us to just leave them in front of our garage.
I emailed back saying that we left them there because we were out of town and the alternative was to leave them at the curb for ten days, and asked which they preferred so we could do that next time we’re gone for an extended period of time. I followed up with screen shots highlighting where they approved our yard work and mulch date and asked why even approve it if you’re gonna turn around and try and fine me over this? And said “You gave me ‘10 days’ to fix all of this from April 17th but only notified me on the 24th, thus giving me only 3 actual days to fix all of this, that is simply either incompetence or intentionally trying to set residents up to fail. I will have all things corrected by ten days from TODAY, April 24th as that is the timeline I should have been given”
Everything moved along fine until yesterday. Our trash gets picked up on Tuesday’s sometimes they collect first thing, sometimes they run late I don’t really care as long as someone comes and picks it up. Like most people with curb trash services, you put your bins out the night before pick up to make sure your bins are emptied. I get an email at TEN PM on Tuesday evening, with a picture of my trash cans on the curb from that morning, saying “your trash cans cannot be out on the curb on non trash collection days” despite Tuesday being the literal fucking day of trash collection.
I immediately hop on our HOW Facebook page and call the entire board out just to find out it’s something just about everyone with the same trash service got a citation for.

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE POST.

This took weeks of picking and testing mods
Played on PS5, should work on PS4
Order is stable, no crashes
New game on survival difficulty required
All 6 DLCs needed
No unbalanced cheat mods added
Very difficult but satisfying and immersive
Adding other mods will break stuff, ask in comments
Not tested on PS4 or PS4 Pro performance-wise

OVERVIEW

This modlist is for people enjoying difficult challenge, exploration, combat, managing settlements and a bit of building. No more bullet sponges, loot/enemy respawns and rambo playstyle!
In the beginning you are no one. You leave the vault weak, tired, with barely any gear. Avoid most encounters and quests at the start. Try to survive, build a safe spot and carefully explore. Be aware of your surroundings, use what you find.
Saving often in beds and making 'autosave drug' at the earliest possibility is a good idea (nearest chemistry workbench is at Abernathy Farm). Save menu is always on top of MISC category in Pip-Boy.
Discovering new places gives plenty of exp in the beginning, but quests are your main exp income.
Exploring safer areas like Sanctuary, Concord and smaller settlements first (avoiding powerful enemies) recommended. There might be a lot of combat in the background. Don't engage much, especially avoid supermutants, robots, turrets, bears - they are deadly even for high level, well developed characters. Raiders also hit hard, depending on their weapon and rank.
Weapon caliber makes huge damage difference. 10mm is pretty weak, but if you find rare .50cal rounds or some good explosives, you should eliminate tougher targets much more easily.
Investing in stats right after level 15 is a good idea. STR for carry weight, PER for accuracy, END for health, CHA for better prices, INT for more exp, AGI for sneak and speed, LCK for dmg and loot. Be sure of your choices. Watch out for 'revealing all map markers' and 'slow time when aiming' perks. Be sure you want and like them, there is no going back.
Deathclaw in the early minuteman quest is tough - try to use explosives to break his legs and some high caliber weapons to finish him off by shooting his face. Or maybe you'll get lucky and raiders will kill him. Or just simply avoid him until you get proper gear.
Don't waste ammo on zombies, use melee. Bullets are valuable. However zombies can grab and instantly kill you if your HP is very low, so watch out on low, early levels!
Aim for the head for much higher damage. Concentrating damage on arms or legs to rip them off is a good strategy too. Raider without arms wont do much to you except running around and alerting nearby enemies, that is.
Damage types are important. Ballistic damage is not efficient against turrets, melee against radroaches and so on. You need to figure out yourself whats best strategy.
Develop and protect your settlements, put walls to protect generators and other important structures. Repairing is costly. Gear up settlers. Scraping and cleaning settlements is a good early source of components.
Try to fully explore the map, kill enemies and do all quests. Most loot and enemies wont ever respawn so this is your chance to find new secrets in Commonwealth and clear the place.

========== CHANGES ==========

Combat, Enemies

• Enemies will flank, charge, take cover, run in fear, use and pick up ammo & weapons, swap to backup gun and so on.
• Headshots or weakspot hits do much higher damage than torso shots.
• Gun caliber greatly affects damage, explosives are powerful and damage type matters.
• Foes have special moves like biting and holding leg, wrestling moves, kicks. Dependent on enemy type and briefly stuns you.

Sound, Graphic

• Sounds are less flat because of added reverb and other tweaks.
• Very dark nights with wide, helpful flashlight.
• Atmospheric lightning: beautiful light from lantern and fire sources, dusk, dawn, moon, plus bullets illuminate environment when flying around.
• No dreadful, annoying, unimmersive: combat music, hearthbeat, sounds of generators, turrets, exp gain sound, most perk triggers and perk chart.

Crafting, Modifying

• Making/disasembling ammo and also creating various shipments. Upgrading clothes, rings, glasses in different ways.
• Legendary swapping, crafting legendary effects using technical documents. Some effects have been adjusted.
• Added crafting of new, lower damage explosives, but they have unique effects for ease of use.

Perks, SPECIAL

• STR affects carry weight, PER accuracy, END is health, max AP, CHA for better prices, INT for more exp, AGI for sneak, walk and reload speed, LCK for small dmg boost, loot, critical hits outside VATS and while using it.
• Leveling up does not give you health. You rely on stats, bonuses, gear.
• Perks tree mostly changed, level 15 needed to start increasing Special base stats, level of around 100 to increase stat to 10. To get all perks you would need 300 levels, so new modified 'idiot savant' will help a lot.
• Collecting magazines, bobbleheads, companion perks is now more helpful and recommended.
• Some skills are changed, reordered, much more interesting and useful.
• More perks are needed for crafting, especially science perk is required for most technology related stuff.
• Lockpicking everything is available instantly from level one, but perks and AGI make it reasonably easier. Bobby pins are more rare.
• Hacking is simplified to not do the repeating minigame. Now holotapes to reprogram and override terminals might be of use.

Settlements, Building

• Expensive build costs of robot workbenches, turrets, big generators, so buying component shipments is justified.
• You can hire guards for caps or risk settlers lives on the usual guard posts.
• Can't harvest planted fruit and veg, you get your fair share in workbench instead.
• Collecting resources by settlers changed. Bigger variety of settlers and they are now mortal.
• More objects to build and decorate your bases.

Locations, Loot

• Items like meds and ammo are harder to find and exist in appropriate containers.
• New map markers and few minuteman towers as a small addition to explore.
• Quick travel available, but only to settlements.
• Only rare enemies like bosses drop legendaries. And many more...

Before you download:

• Safe to remove/swap mods are listed below the modlist, just in case you don't like or want some of them. Rest needs to be kept for balance or glitch removal, but only in the CORRECT ORDER!
• Remove all mods you currently have before downloading this mod list.
• Read what to do after downloading mods.

MOD LIST WITH CORECT ORDER:

1. Unofficial Fallout 4 Patch [UFO4P] [PS4] - Thousands of small bug fixes for FO4.
2. Radium Rifle Suppressed Sound Fix - As the mod name suggests. Must be on top of mod list, its a master file.
3. [PS4] Pip-Boy Paint Jobs - Colors Of The Wasteland Pack (Club Freedom) - Adds simple Pip-Boy skins. Remember you can click touchpad while using pip-boy to zoom. Again a master file.
4. Kane's Items Sorting (PS4) - Junk is sorted and some other things too.
5. [PS] Useful Technical Documents - Legendaries - You can swap legendaries for free, create new ones using technical documents.
6. Named NPC Protection [PS4] - Protects named quest npc's, merchants, important characters from random encounters with enemies.
7. Tribals of Commonwealth - Adds tribal groups, often found in wilderness.
8. Ghouls Of Commonwealth - Adds over 1100 feral ghouls for zombie apocalypse and chaos.
9. DLC Creatures In The Commonwealth [PS4] - Adds 200 creature spawns to the commonwealth for constant war, danger and chaos.
10. Longhorns Of The Commonwealth - Adds longhorns to more empty areas on the map.
11. Gulpers Of The Commonwealth - Adds gulpers to more empty areas on the map.
12. Wolves Of The Commonwealth - Adds wolf spawn points to the map.
13. More Behemoths In Commonwealth - Adds 5 more behemots to the Commonwealth.
14. Behind Enemy Lines - Adds plenty of enemies to the glowing sea region.
15. Roving War Parties, Raiding Packs And Hordes Of MY - Adds wandering groups that attack some key locations.
16. More Radstags - Adds plenty of radstags, especially north and into forests.
17. Better Radstags - More agressive radstags.
18. Not a Princess - Humans can grab you/others and slam on the ground, make karate moves, dogs can hold your legs/arms, bloodbugs suck your blood.
19. Disable Minutemen's Annoying Quests [PS4] - Disables 7 types of repetitive and not important radiant quests.
20. [PS4] Grounded Updated By Sarinia - Adds tons of ground foundations, floors, walls, mounds of dirt to Structures-Concrete menu.
21. Miscellaneous Settlement Items Unlocked [PS4] By Callias - Adds 49 objects for building in settlements.
22. Cinder Block Walls And Sandbags Unlocked [PS4] By Callias - Adds 16 objects like cinder blocks and sandbags.
23. Constructible Faction Guards - Adds ability to hire guards for caps in build menu, but only after allying with a faction.
24. [PS4] OCDecorator - Adds inventory items as a decorational building objects.
25. [PS4] OCDecorator DLC - Support for addons for the above mod.
26. Tweaks - Survival Fast Travel Settlements All DLC - You can fast travel to settlements on survival difficulty.
27. 1st Person Animation Tweaks [PS4] - In first person mode you lower your gun automatically.
28. [PS4] Swinging Animated Meat Bags - Adds animations to supermutant meat bags.
29. Power Line Physics [PS4] - Swinging power lines in settlements.
30. No Sneak Indicators - Completely removes all sneak indicators.
31. [PS4] Dogs Not Brahmin - Provisioners and traders use dogs instead of brahmin.
32. Vertibirds Unghosted - Tweaks invincible vertibirds for danger and realism.
33. [PS4] Simple Settlers (Mortal Edition) - Provides bigger settlers pool (five times more) and names them.
34. Quieter Settlements PS4 - Vanilla - Generators, turrets and hammering are much quieter.
35. Fallout 76-Style Region Music - Changes music in regions for less boring/repetitive background tracks.
36. Reverb And Ambiance Overhaul - ALL DLC [PS4] - Tweaks sounds for better ambient and reverb and adds sliders to options.
37. Better Dialogue - Camera focuses on NPC, changes made to some irritating generic dialogues and tweaked dialogue interuption.
38. Esk QuietPerks [PS4] - Muted five annoying perks like idiot savant.
39. No Experience SFX - Silences sounds when gaining experience from various sources.
40. [PS4] Dead Beat - Removes heart beat sound at low HP.
41. Combat Music Remover - Mutes combat music, so there is silence and suspension when enemy detects you.
42. Commonwealth Visual Overhaul & DLC [PS4] - Changes colours, atmosphere and makes nights darker.
43. UCW - Unified Commonwealth Weather - Adjusted weather for regions and integrated DLC weather for Commonwealth.
44. [PS4] No More Fake Puddles - Removes ugly puddles that stay 24/7.
45. No More Twigs - Removes stupid twigs sticking out of the ground.
46. [PS4] Enhanced Flickering Firelight - Better light effects for fire sources including oil lamps.
47. [PS4] Dark Mode - Abandoned Settlements - Empty settlements don't have light sources.
48. Vanilla Moon (4x) - Much bigger moon. Anything bigger looks low quality.
49. Sunlight Alignment Tweak - Better Dawn And Dusk [PS4] - Changes sun and moon movement for better lighting and atmosphere during dusk, dawn and night.
50. Crafting Blur Removal (PS4) - Removes blur while looting containers, from crafting screen, power armor.
51. Ironsight Blur Removal (PS4) - Removes blur while aiming.
52. More Map Markers (PS4) - Adds some new markers on map.
53. CleanVATS - Green Tint Remover PS4 - Removes fullscreen green tint effect while aiming in VATS mode.
54. VATS Third Person Only - As the name says, just changes in cameras used in VATS.
55. [PS4] Payneful VATS - Better VATS cinematics, shows important hits and finishers a bit slower.
56. Component Tagging Helper - Allows to easily tag basic components on cooking bench and you can quickly view how many you have in total.
57. Grenade and Mine Pack - Adds some new weaker, but modified explosives.
58. Saving Survival Mode - Allows crafting misc items on chemistry workbench for anytime saving (3 standard autosave slots and 1 save shared/overwritten on all survival characters).
59. Animations Be Gone - Removes plenty annoying hammering spots in sanctuary.
60. Minuteman Watchtowers - Adds 8 minuteman watchtowers containing loot and/or guards.
61. Power Goggles (All DLC) - Power Armor Mods For Goggles, Visors, And Glasses - As the name says. Two mods for glasses for high level characters.
62. Clothes For Every Stats Wz - Most clothes can be worn under armor and you can upgrade them after unlocking ballistic weave.
63. Bear Trap and Caltrops Fix [PS4] - Small changes in how traps work and balance them.
64. See-Through-Scopes [PS4] - Adds new combat scopes in place of 2.5x and 4x magnification.
65. See-Through-Scopes - Nuka World [PS4] - As above but for 2 Nuka World guns.
66. See-Through-Scopes - Far Harbor [PS4] - As above but for 2 Far Harbor weapons.
67. Targeting Sensors On Recon Scopes(Colour Coded NPCs Version)[PS4] - Modified recon scopes that highlight enemies, friends and dead bodies in specific colours.
68. Immersive Gameplay Combat Mostly PS4 - Core of this modlist. Hundreds of changes.
69. Immersive-Gameplay. Low Tech, No Powerarmor Justification Patch. (PS4) - Makes fusion cores worn. Balances the game around power armor.
70. Immersive Gameplay Seasonpass Patch (Playstation) - DLC compatibility for IG.
71. Immersive Gameplay Rough Start (PS4) - Overwrites starting level to 1.
72. Medium Settlement Raids PS4 - Makes enemy raids less ridicolous and balanced.
73. Zombie Walkers (PS4) - Most feral ghouls act like slow rotten zombies.
74. Curse Of Darkness - Normal Edition - - Zombies are faster and more dangerous after midnight.
75. Esk No More Teleporting Creatures [PS4] - Molerats and radscorpions don't teleport.
76. Realistic Insects Health [PS4] - Makes insects easier to kill and balanced.
77. Full Load - Loot Logic And Reduction Complete - Restricted harvest, lower and/or different production output for settlements, empty bottles renamed, Scrounger perk less ammo, less meat, less loot.
78. Full Load - Rough Start Less Handouts - Removed some workbenches in starting locations. Different loot in Vault111.
79. Immersive Gameplay Dismemberment - A Patch Or Standalone Feature. - Higher damage to headshots, easier to dismember limbs.
80. Tackle! Immersive Gameplay Knockdown Version - Lets you stagger enemies by sprinting into them after aquiring a perk.
81. Wasteland Baubles Ring Overhaul! PS4 - You can find unique rings at traders, in suitcases, cabinets. Allows scraping and modifying rings for special legendary effects.
82. [PS4] STS - All-In-One - Allows scraping almost all settlement objects.
83. (PS4) Improved Lighting Ballistics - Improves lighting for projectiles such as bullets, lasers, gauss, plasma, missiles, flares and explosions.
84. Explorer Restored - Cut Perk Mod PS4 - Adds rank two of VANS perk - explorer. Uncovers map.
85. Idiot Savant & Better Criticals Redone (PS4) - Idiot savant is better the more INT you have, muted perk chart, better criticals perk for crits outside VATS.
86. Realistic Death Physics - No Animation - ALL DLC [PS4] - Decreases the amount of force of both melee and ranged attacks, so bodies wont fly away.
87. Increased Settler Limit - Awareness - Wire Length - Corpse Collisions [PS4] - More aware settlers with limit of 50 per settlement and longer wires. Mind the limit.
88. Settlement Attack Spawns Outside The Settlement PS4 - Moves attack spawns outside the settlements.
89. Power Conduits Radius Increase And No Build Limit - All DLC [PS4] - Infinite build limit and two times longer range electricity conduits.
90. [PS4] Creation Club Skins (Weapon & PipBoy) Generic Compatibility Patch - Makes weapon paints from Creation Club show up in crafting menu if you have any.
91. No Affinity Cooldown - Removes cooldown between companions liking/hating your actions.
92. [PS4]More XP Per Level (Base:600, Bump 120) - Increased experience required to level up.
93. Increased EXP - Increases the amount of EXP gained to make Immersive Gameplay and mod list balanced.
94. No Building Houses XP Gains PS4 - Building settlements don't provide experience.
95. Pip-Boy Flashlight - Pipboy light is now a flashlight.
96. PS4 - Longer Headlamp Light - Makes flashlight much bigger and changes headlamp and power armor light.
97. [PS4] Starting SPECIAL = 7 - Changes starting SPECIAL stats to 1 in each category so you start weak.
98. No Enemy Respawns - Game areas don't respawn loot and enemies, after time have passed.
99. Accelerated Fast Travel - Fast travel takes less in-game time, should be also relevant to survival needs.
100. Time Scale Changed From 20 To 10 [PS4] - Day and night lasts twice as long.

Additionally after downloading:

• After installing the mod list, restart your PS4/PS5.
• Dont add or remove mods mid playthrough.
• Change game difficulty to survival in options.
• Play on performance 60fps. Newly added mode visual 60fps is more laggy and has awfull VATS framerate.
• If you want even more immersive settings, go to Settings, Gameplay and turn off quest markers or crosshair.
• Go to Options, Sound and reduce ambience level by 5-8 clicks and reverb by 2-3.
• Dont forget to change camera sensitivity (I play on max), next go to Options, Display and change hud color to blue or any other that makes sense (not red), lower transparency by 30% or more, set pip-boy colour to your preference (I use red pip-boy and minty hud to have the best compatibility with highlighting perks and scopes).

You can add/swap some mods if you want:

101... Immortal Cats - PS4 - Invincible cats, so you don't lose happiness increase when they die. Add after mod #83 \ 102... [PS4] STS - Extras - Living & Dead - Season Pass Version - You can get extra resources from scraping dead bodies in settlements. Watch out not to scrap someone alive. Place after mod #82. \ 103... Josephine Preset - Nice looking preset number 13 for female character creation. Change hair and other details if you want. Delete after leaving vault111 and saving (if you need mod list space that is). Add after mod #55. \ 104... Faster Positive Affinity For Companions - Removes cooldown between companions liking/hating your actions and gain five times more positive affinity. Swap with mod #91 if you want more cheaty version. \ 105... Silent Main Menu - To mute main menu sound, find duplicate sound slider named 'Master sound' and move it all the way to the left. Add after mod #41. \ 106... Quieter Settlements PS4 - Contraptions DLC - Quieter production lines. I ran out of space on mod list so this and next one are optional. Add after mod #34. \ 107... Quieter Settlements PS4 - Wasteland Workshop - Quieter fusion generators. Add after mod #34. \ 108... [PS4] Simple Settlers (Immortal Edition) - Instead of #33, so generic settlers don't die during settlement attacks. \ 109... Reduced Rubble Etc. - Safely reduces density of unimportant objects by 50-75%. Add after #44 or swap with #45. \ 110... Vrexia's Magical Rings - Add after #57 only if you get poison/perception bug where your PER is shown as (-1). You can offset it by equiping multiple rings from this mod (created at chem bench). Didnt found a better way yet. \ 111... Pip-Boy Flashlight (Brighter) - For a smaller, brighter flashlight swap #96 with #95 and replace #95 with this.

Remove, if you want:

Stock, ugly Pip-Boy color - #3 \ No tinkering with legendary effects - #5 \ No powerful groups wandering and attacking places - #15 \ Radstags to be less agressive - #17 \ Dont care about building - #20 #21 #22 \ Dont care about decorating settlements - #24 #25 \ Annoying wandering brahmins instead of dogs - #31 \ Cash register sounds when gaining exp - #39 \ Old vanilla dusk and dawn lighting - #49 \ Don't use VATS much - #53 #54 #55 \ Prefer old combat scopes - #64 #65 #66 \ Don't want uncover map perk and will never unlock it - #84 \ Don't have any weapon skins from Creation Club - #90 \ Faster leveling - #92 \ To gain building EXP - #94 \ Start with 7 extra SPECIAL points to distribute - #97 \ Loot and enemies respawn after time - #98 \ Fast travel to take time - #99 \ Days be vanilla length - #100

Known issues, bugs, glitches, exploits:

Some of those are present in vanilla game. I just mention every problem encountered during testing and not fully fixed. - Ground textures in and around sanctuary flicker black. FIX: Fixes itself. Possibly after short time or reload. - Creature cages cost too much in building menu. NO FIX: Did not found a safe and balanced fix yet, so cages are most likely out of reach, because cost is absurd. - Green chest containing flare gun and 10k flares after exiting vault 111. FIX: Mod dev forgot to delete it. Ignore it or if it bothers you much, remove mod #83, which I don't recommend doing. - Hubby secret basement in Sanctuary. NO FIX: Its up to you if you want to use its content. Just easier difficulty option, but not game breaking. - Hacking rank 4 seems useless or has wrong description. NO FIX: Needs proper check. - Wall turrets sometimes glitches and play sound on repeat. FIX: Re-enter the area or reload save. - Contact frag mines seems to have too low damage. FIX: Just dont craft them. Rest of new explosives should work fine even that it shows low damage values in description. - Perception low, constant (-1) PER in stats because of poison damage/resistance bug. FIX: Add mod #110 and equip perception rings. Dont delete the mod. Cant find safer solution for now. Rings dont take equipment slots. - Action girl perk have only one rank on female character and two on male. NO FIX: Just 25% AP regen loss at high level. Not a big deal. - Bubblegum seems to unintentionally quench thirst a bit and kind vendors give it for free. NO FIX: Free candies. Its better to use them to slow down time. - Incorrect cost to build concrete foundations. FIX: Use mod #20 to add tons of foundations in newly added category Structures-Concrete. - OCDecorator replaces creation club menu. FIX: Items from CC are still available in other building categories. Ignore or delete mod #24 + #25 if you dont care about its function. - Few perk descriptions might be slightly incorrect or missing. NO FIX: Nothing important to worry about. - Three street lights, powered water pump, industrial purifier and subway light have incorrect build costs. NO FIX: These have wrong values, but items like clean sofa or tv are more expensive to build on purpose though. - Pip-boy light wont transfer from first to third person camera view. FIX: Turn flashlight off and on. - Water surface sometimes flash black when moving underwater. NO FIX: Its not very noticable and you don't dive much in FO4 anyway. - Can't use Wattz Consumer Electronics terminal, animation stops. FIX: There is a radroach behind the wall. Kill it by swinging melee, explosives or reenter area. - Flashlight in Vault111 has incorrect beam look/color. FIX: It will fix itself after mods load right after you leave Vault111, dont worry.

v1.00 - Initial version.

Have fun!