I’ve got a couple of big auditions coming up later this year. I’m a 45 year old man. Baritenor. Tend to be an actor who can sing versus a singer who can act.
I am going to be auditioning for Barry in The Prom and Max Bialystock in The Producers. Technically I will likely also audition for Franz in The Producers as well since there are two productions and I will be auditioning for both.
Any good song recs? A friend turned me on to “Poor, Unsuccessful and Fat” which I think is an awesome fit. I’d love some comedy in my songs obviously. But warm, heartfelt and funny is integral to Barry. Max and Franz not so much.
Thoughts?

im trying to get over him, and im just thinking, what if i never find someone i like, like really like, there's like a couple of guys that are interested in me and they're like (no offense) way better looking than him but they dont have that trait im looking for, their personality just doesnt align with mine.
i met this guy online, hes so funny, like ive never met someone as funny as him. I LIKED HIM FOR AWHILE, then stopped liking him, then liked him again, im pretty sure at some point he liked ME BACK, but i knew that we both aren't confessing to eachother, and i was actually just unsure if he liked me
he started sending me ig reels of silly things like "this initial is cute" and it'd be an initial that's not in my name and put 😍 emojis on it cs thats his humor
i rant abt him all the time to my friend, cs i thought we were going somewhere.
then he stopped talking to me for a couple of days cs he has a new group of friends cs they have some sort of prom goin on, then all he did was send me updates about his prom.
this morning, he messaged me, saying he was gonna ask a girl out. knowing him i thought he was only asking her out cs he had no one else to go with, but the girl reacted with a heart emoji to his message.
then a few hours later i catch him playing my fav game (he knows its my fav) w her and it just hurted me lmao
like im not even sure if right now i like him like that, he doesnt have any redeeming physical qualities, he plays guitar which is cool.. but what rlly attracted me to him was that he was funny and we just got along really well. disliking the same people, reacting the same way when someone does smth crazy. same humor
i dont think im jealous? i think im just scared that hes gonna ditch me, once they turn into a couple hes gonna forget abt me, but i understand, id hate for my future bf to have a girl bsf, so ill respect the girl's boundaries.
idk maybe im rushing too fast to date, but ive never liked someone else like i like him . and i dont like people that much, i find most of the ppl i talk to really atrocious, idk how to explain it
so im js worried that if i lose him, hes all im gonna think abt when i talk to new ppl, how they dont have his personality and stuff and its PISSING ME OFF AND MAKING ME SAD
hes genuinely had a BIG effect on my recent humor, i wasnt like this 8 months ago when we met.
and also js recently ever guy ive liked ive just hated right after, like right now i hate him, i wanna unfriend him on everything.
im just really scared that ill compare everyone i meet to him, maybe i just havent found the right person yet, but its genuinely hard
ALSO LMAO, at some point I KNEW i needed to get over him, i watched a fuckin "how to get over a breakup" video AND WE WERENT EVEN TOGETHERRRR

So I’m starting a clothing brand and I’m gonna cater to different trades construction, nursing police firefighter, etc. I’m gonna choose construction for example cause I’ve been in the trade for 18 years , I’ve come to realize over the years that people are very passionate about their trades .So my idea is to come up with funny slogans for each trade so for an example I’m in construction. I’ve seen shirts that said “sawdust is man glitter”. My girlfriend is a nurse in urology and she has a pin that says” urine good hands” as another example, basically what I’m asking for you folks if you’re in any of these trades, if you could shoot me some of your ideas of any, funny slogans that you’ve come across along the years . ~Ps . What are your thoughts on this concept as well ?

To start, I was an 18 year old male senior in high school. At the time worked at a well know franchise in my city and I absolutely hated it. I worked there for about 2 years before I began working with this girl who was a junior in high school at the time. We will call her Maria. Maria was a very sweet, funny and kind person to work with and I soon began developing a crush on her.
A few months go by and I decide to ask Maria out to my prom, and she said yes immediately. I was super excited and couldn’t wait and decided to go all out, organizing a rental sports car from my dads work friend and buying a very nice suit, along with a prom gift for Maria.
Word got around that I liked her and she soon realized herself, so she had a talk with me and explained how she only wanted to be friends. I was super understanding with her and she greatly appreciated this. Although to say I was super devastated and heartbroken was an understatement. Nonetheless I tried moving on while still being friends with Maria for the sake of my prom and my working situation. A few more months go by and Maria grew very distant with me, avoiding group hangouts where I was around and she started talking to me less and less. I was very upset by this because at this point I felt like I was being used for my prom. I brought my feelings up to Maria and she was very upset and we got into an argument that left us both devastated.
For three days we didn’t talk until she decided to reach out so we could talk about it. We ultimately decided that it was best for her and myself to go our own ways, so I decided that I would take someone else even though she already had her dress bought. I offered to pay her back for it but she refused. She told me the reason she never hung out with me was not to lead me on, and she was okay with me going with someone else, but apart of me thinks she was only saying this because she felt bad about what happened.
When I went back to school, just about every girl heard what happened and decided to tear me a new one. Our school was fairly small with no more then 300 students and Maria was quit popular so word got around quickly. People in my school felt like I dropped her for no reason, even though Maria herself did not think this. A lot of her friends were very mad about what happened, and we’re not shy on telling me how they felt.
In the end, I went to prom with my childhood best friend and had a good time. I still took the sports car, and kept the fancy suit. Maria ended up going with another guy in my class and shortly afterwards I moved away.
Looking back on it I feel bad because of the trouble I put her and myself threw for nothing, but I don’t know if what people thought was the truth or if they just didn’t know the full story. Me and Maria rarely talk today but are still on good terms. Were my actions selfish? Was Maria really okay with not going with me?
So AITA?

There’s a girl in my friend group, I’ll call her B. We’ve been in the same friend group for 4 years and we were friends for those first 2 years. She loves to stir up drama and cuss (she doesn’t even use the words right sometimes). For a while I was the only one out of my friend group of 8 who called her out. If I have to speak up for something, you know it has to be bad. (I’m really quiet and introverted but this whole situation helped me to finally find my voice). She talks about her “friends” behind their backs to get attention from others. She told another girl that my friend (A)s prom dress was ugly. At prom pics A’s mom ignored B, causing her to ask another friend (E) why. E told her that A knew B called her prom dress ugly and B asked if anyone else was mad at her. E told her that we were all tired of her cussing all the time and talking bad about us. She (thankfully) didn’t show up to the sleepover after prom. Instead of apologizing, B blatantly ignored everyone for a few weeks and then came back to the friend group on the last day of school (without an apology) as if nothing happened. And those friends, who I had stuck up for when B talked about them, let her come back instead of sticking up for you like I did for them. I hate crying in front of others but at lunch I cried in front of 2 of my friends, telling them I couldn’t take it and was going to eat with a teacher. They said “it’s ok, let’s just get a lunch table picture before you go” and I went to the bathroom and cried. I have told my group how B has hurt me and made my life a living hell for the past 2 years and I thought we were all on the same page about her. The few weeks she was ignoring us I felt like I could actually talk at my lunch table and I was happier. I don’t understand why they picking the girl who talked about them behind their backs over the girl who stood up for them when she did.
Other things she’s done: -Blatantly flirted to the guy I was dating in front of my behind my back -wrote a list of how our friend group “would split” (bcs of drama she created) -said a dress wouldn’t look good on a girl cause “she was too boxy” -constantly “mishears” what ppl say and says she thought they said _________ (and it’s always something really vulgar) -ignored me for half a year and wouldn’t even look at me (I thought it was kind of funny) -tried to pry info abt the guy I was dating out of me by being fake nice
That was theraputic to get off my chest 🤣

I am a 21F. I know I am a lesbian. In my heart of hearts I know this. And without getting too TMI, women are hot to me. Any women, really. Doesn’t matter if she’s a hot supermodel type or just a regular lady, I like all women. I know this for sure. I have dated women in the past. But people still insist I am not into women.
The reason is a little weird. So hear me out. I am in a very close relationship with my best friend, who we will call Jermaine, who is a gay male. We met freshman year of college and each year we’ve gotten closer. It really shifted my sophomore year when I broke up with my girlfriend and stopped talking to a lot of my friends, even him. I was pretty depressed. Somehow he got through to me and basically pulled me out of the funk I was in. My room was a mess, my life was a mess, but he didn’t give a shit. He’d come over to my dorm every single night, we’d smoke weed, and watch a movie. I’d wake up in the morning and he’d be gone, but he’d show up the next night.
Most night I invited him, but it sort of became an unspoken thing. I remember one time I didn’t expect him until I heard him shout outside and turns out he just assumed we were hanging out. So we did.
And then the summer after that we hung out the whole time. We both stayed on campus to work, but we roomed together and hung out constantly. That was really when we started to get super close, and come fall of my junior year we were basically glued to each other. Wherever I went, he was expected to be, and wherever he went, people expected me to be there. Our dorms were right next door to each other, so yet again, every single night we’d hang out. This whole year we’ve basically spent every day together.
I don’t know what our relationship is. Genuinely. I know that growing up autistic and having no friends and suddenly having a best friend who no matter how fucked up your brain is wants to be with you and help you might make you a little more than attached, but I also think he’s a little more than attached to. We compare ourselves to Naruto and Sasuke, or Luffy and Zoro. Like a more than friends, less than lovers type situation. Most people would joke that we’re a beard couple or a lavender marriage because we acted like we were dating and bicker like a married couple. We’ll hold hands in public, hug each other, stuff like that. Eventually we thought it would be funny if we jokingly got married since everyone says we are. So for april fools we invited all our friends to a big elaborate wedding in the coffee shop on campus. Was it fake? Sort of. We had cheap bird rings I bought online and he dressed in a 70s flower blazer while I was in a starry dress like I was going to a 90s prom. We read vows to each other but they were 100% genuine, and it was a great time.
We’ve only gotten closer since. We’ll talk about what our kids’ names will be (adopted), what house we wanna get, what pets, etc. I always worry he thinks I’m too much but he never does. He’s the complete opposite to me, and he brings optimism that I need in my life. I definitely need to work on having a healthy relationship with him, because we are definitely very attached. But I still want to be as close to him, just able to be chill with hanging out by myself sometimes.
People always ask if we are actually dating, to which we reply no. But when they ask if we love each other, we say yes. So I know it’s weird. We have openly said we love each other multiple times. We plan on living together and having a future with the other person in it. But he’s gay, and I’m a lesbian. I always joke that when we have a house together we’ll actually be married and love and rely on each other but we’ll seek sexual relationships elsewhere, since he’s into dudes and i am into women.
I know we have a weird relationship. And I know life is weird and people are weird and nothing is normal and labels don’t matter unless they matter to you. But people are constantly saying how we should act or behave, and it always gets on my nerves. He says the only thing I should care about is if we are happy, not other people who aren’t in the room with us or hang out with us regularly, but it still gets to me. I know I am very dependent on him and I want to be okay with being alone, but he makes me genuinely happy and I love him, even if he doesn’t have boobs and isn’t a pretty woman.

I made a post on looksmaxingadvice a few days ago with the title “Nobody asked me out for prom. What do I do?” as a joke post, and included 2 pictures of a Japanese celebrity in a school uniform.
On that sub, there’s countless joke or troll posts of people using funny pics or pics of celebrities and I thought it would be fun to make my own. My post (since deleted), got a few supportive comments which wasn’t my intention and I felt awful. I even DM one of the users to tell them I wasn’t the person in the pictures. They felt really sad and disappointed when they learned that.
Does anyone have a catfishing story as the perpetrator, or as the victim?
I won’t judge, I just wanna see if anyone has a similar story.

So Im 25, and Ive missed out on most of my life it feels Im finally doing better, so now Its easy to see how far my family ruined my life Every attempt at improving my life, Whether it was getting a liscense, learners, New job, even Going to my high school homecoming, has always been made to be harder than it needed to be, With CPTSD, Ocd, and anxiety, I was railroaded from a young age, into several hospitals and missed out on most life events, Homecoming, prom, senior year, I didnt even get the chance to make any meaningful social connections Please let me stresss, not once, have I ever attempted to end my life, or even attempted self harm, not a single time, But i was sent to hospital after hospital, by an abusive family actively ruining my life I didnt have a good childhood, with bullying and then having to and get yelled at all night until finally going to bed, to get up and repeat the cycle, school until 10th grade for me was awful, At the time, I had been sent away to a resident hospital, for 6 months, I missed out on getting the chance to have any lasting friendships with people mentally sound, and after getting back I decided, Enough I got a job, was more extroverted, Had the OPTION of having friendships, for 2 months, I went to high school, this was in 12th grade, It was the time when homecoming was coming up, the therapist/ program who I had been forced to see at the time.. by fam, ( or else be homel;ess) kept saying she was worried, She was the kind of therapist who didnt listen to me, what I felt or anything I said, when we met, I tended to just stay qiuet until the time was over, I was Doing Fine, I had been asked by quite a few girls in school, (whom I didnt even know btw) to go to homecoming, It felt nice to have a social circle, I Had friendships, people whom I was getting closer with, I said "I was fine, I dont need to go to a hosptial" It was nice to have an aspect of my life, not ruined by fam, or anything else no self harm, wasnt suicdal, But the week before homecoming, she shows up, with Cops, and forces me to hospital, I tried saying no, but not only did they not listen, They did THE ONE FUCKING THING that worsened my PTSD, the excuse they did, was that I been to a lot of hosptials before, So I should stay at this one this time, and Have doctors do more shit Man it was hard to come back, learn that my date thought I stood her up because I couldnt call her while stuck there For a week I was stuck there, missed my homecoming,, and just stopped going to school entirely, I missed auditions for the plays the drama club was putting on, my homecoming, and it damaged my social reputation After stopping school. I soon after quit working, because It was hard to fear everyday, the thought of her showing up at my work, with more cops, and FORCING me into another hospital, It was too horrifying, the fear of everyone around, would WATCH me go back, when I didnt even need too, was too much For MONTHS I LAID in bed, not doing anything, barely eating, staring at the ceiling, This BITCH did nothing. didnt send me back to another hospital, after deciding I didnt want to spend more time like that, I tried job hunting, Unfortuantely, I had to get a ride from fam, and after that interview at a potential job t his bitch shows up a few days after and forces me back to one, (Family mentioned the job hunting probably and whatever was a convient reason to send me back), this didnt just happen with jobs, I didnt even get to maintain irl friends, bc I couldnt even see them, I wasnt Able to get a learners or even a liscence, bc I kept trying to get a ride from family, only to be yelled at, told how incovient it was, or have the cops called because fam couldnt win the argument (yes Just because i wanted to live my life) and the threat of being kicked out or sent to another hospital This happened repeatedly, every time I tried bettering my life or escaping, I was railroaded back into hospital after hostiapl. Ive been to 14 at this point Every night I have nightmares still, every day I have to try to get out of the memoris, Its HARD It was Hard to watch everyone else go to my homecoming, It was hard to miss my prom, Its Hard, to see everyone else have what I want, Its hard to watch any friendships die because If I tried to get out, everything was Purposefully made worse I moved to a decent apartment Now previous apratment was in the hood, No hood now, No gunshots every night ,No more violent roommates, Its right next to a college I work at pizza hut, I I comeback, to my empty apartment, log onto my pc, play games, go to the gym, and go to sleep, I still cant even drive, I walk 2 miles to work, and 2 miles back, even If I could, no car, No friends, and the small bit of social interaction I have is at the gym or work, I missed out on the option to have lasting friendships, I wont get my homecoming dance, the memories of having my 20s, Anything else Everyone else had, I wont get, Im just starting my life, And now its so damn behind I am NOT suidical, but honestly, it feels pointless now Im tired, im so far behind everyone else, solely because someone made the decisions for my life, and abused me when I Tried to live, Its hard sometime, to not just OD on bleach and then go swim in the pool The funny thing is, My dad constantly cries about it, saying shit like, i have no idea how hard it was, for hm to make the choice to "help" me, It wouldve been better to do NOTHING, than to worsen my life to this point , I want to go to college, but honestly it feels too late, I want to pursue a bachelors..... I have a GED and dont want to spend more time at a cc, college is mainly for the social aspect, but Im 25 , so even If I got into a college it would be hard to not feel out of place
I want to to end everything, I am tired of life being unreasonably hard, I am tired of having a detriment because, getting up everyday to an empty apartment, no irl friends, nothing to look forward to, exept the hope of a dim future keeping me going, more time trying to catch up because Im so far behind, not getting to live, No chance to make dumb decisions, having to watch everyone around me have a life, have freedom have The most normal things, I just wanted normalcy

There’s a girl in my friend group, I’ll call her B. We’ve been in the same friend group for 4 years and we were friends for those first 2 years. She loves to stir up drama and cuss (she doesn’t even use the words right sometimes). For a while I was the only one out of my friend group of 8 who called her out. If I have to speak up for something, you know it has to be bad. (I’m really quiet and introverted but this whole situation helped me to finally find my voice). She talks about her “friends” behind their backs to get attention from others. She told another girl that my friend (A)s prom dress was ugly. At prom pics A’s mom ignored B, causing her to ask another friend (E) why. E told her that A knew B called her prom dress ugly and B asked if anyone else was mad at her. E told her that we were all tired of her cussing all the time and talking bad about us. She (thankfully) didn’t show up to the sleepover after prom. Instead of apologizing, B blatantly ignored everyone for a few weeks and then came back to the friend group on the last day of school (without an apology) as if nothing happened. And those friends, who I had stuck up for when B talked about them, let her come back instead of sticking up for you like I did for them. I hate crying in front of others but at lunch I cried in front of 2 of my friends, telling them I couldn’t take it and was going to eat with a teacher. They said “it’s ok, let’s just get a lunch table picture before you go” and I went to the bathroom and cried. I have told my group how B has hurt me and made my life a living hell for the past 2 years and I thought we were all on the same page about her. The few weeks she was ignoring us I felt like I could actually talk at my lunch table and I was happier. I don’t understand why they picking the girl who talked about them behind their backs over the girl who stood up for them when she did.
Other things she’s done: -Blatantly flirted to the guy I was dating in front of my behind my back -wrote a list of how our friend group “would split” (bcs of drama she created) -said a dress wouldn’t look good on a girl cause “she was too boxy” -constantly “mishears” what ppl say and says she thought they said _________ (and it’s always something really vulgar) -ignored me for half a year and wouldn’t even look at me (I thought it was kind of funny) -tried to pry info abt the guy I was dating out of me by being fake nice
That was theraputic to get off my chest 🤣

There’s a girl in my friend group, I’ll call her B. We’ve been in the same friend group for 4 years and we were friends for those first 2 years. She loves to stir up drama and cuss (she doesn’t even use the words right sometimes). For a while I was the only one out of my friend group of 8 who called her out. If I have to speak up for something, you know it has to be bad. (I’m really quiet and introverted but this whole situation helped me to finally find my voice). She talks about her “friends” behind their backs to get attention from others. She told another girl that my friend (A)s prom dress was ugly. At prom pics A’s mom ignored B, causing her to ask another friend (E) why. E told her that A knew B called her prom dress ugly and B asked if anyone else was mad at her. E told her that we were all tired of her cussing all the time and talking bad about us. She (thankfully) didn’t show up to the sleepover after prom. Instead of apologizing, B blatantly ignored everyone for a few weeks and then came back to the friend group on the last day of school (without an apology) as if nothing happened. And those friends, who I had stuck up for when B talked about them, let her come back instead of sticking up for you like I did for them. I hate crying in front of others but at lunch I cried in front of 2 of my friends, telling them I couldn’t take it and was going to eat with a teacher. They said “it’s ok, let’s just get a lunch table picture before you go” and I went to the bathroom and cried. I have told my group how B has hurt me and made my life a living hell for the past 2 years and I thought we were all on the same page about her. The few weeks she was ignoring us I felt like I could actually talk at my lunch table and I was happier. I don’t understand why they picking the girl who talked about them behind their backs over the girl who stood up for them when she did.
Other things she’s done: -Blatantly flirted to the guy I was dating in front of my behind my back -wrote a list of how our friend group “would split” (bcs of drama she created) -said a dress wouldn’t look good on a girl cause “she was too boxy” -constantly “mishears” what ppl say and says she thought they said _________ (and it’s always something really vulgar) -ignored me for half a year and wouldn’t even look at me (I thought it was kind of funny) -tried to pry info abt the guy I was dating out of me by being fake nice
That was theraputic to get off my chest 🤣

Anyway I (17f) and him (17m) have made great progress. To sum it up he asked for my number a few months ago and I had to further ask him if he liked me and he said yes. We’ve known each other since 6th grade and we are now seniors. I would say we were more of acquaintances. He said he developed a crush on me last year and so far we’ve been to the movies together (still not sure if that was a date or not because originally his friends were supposed to be there but they never showed up), he’s been over my house twice, and we went to prom together. Now, that prom is over there isn’t anything to plan or text about anymore. I don’t see him in school because we don’t have the same classes. I’m very introverted and quiet, I haven’t had friends since middle school and the people who have tried to befriend me either find me boring or awkward. I went from sitting at a lunch table alone in the beginning of the year to sitting at a lunch table with a couple of his friends that share the same lunch. We both said we enjoyed prom and we spent senior skip day together watching anime he’s recommended me. (He’s really into anime and trying to get me to watch it).
Anyway I did something bold when he asked me how my day was and I said “it’s good and better now that you’re texting”. I guess it sounds like I flirting with him and I guess guys are clueless because why would I have invited him over if I didn’t like him😅? Anyway he asked some funny random questions today and I didn’t ask any back so any funny conversation starters? Maybe even a would you rather or something… it feels weird starting off every convo with how was your day especially when neither of your days were interesting

Anyway I (17f) and him (17m) have made great progress. To sum it up he asked for my number a few months ago and I had to further ask him if he liked me and he said yes. We’ve known each other since 6th grade and we are now seniors. I would say we were more of acquaintances. He said he developed a crush on me last year and so far we’ve been to the movies together (still not sure if that was a date or not because originally his friends were supposed to be there but they never showed up), he’s been over my house twice, and we went to prom together. Now, that prom is over there isn’t anything to plan or text about anymore. I don’t see him in school because we don’t have the same classes. I’m very introverted and quiet, I haven’t had friends since middle school and the people who have tried to befriend me either find me boring or awkward. I went from sitting at a lunch table alone in the beginning of the year to sitting at a lunch table with a couple of his friends that share the same lunch. We both said we enjoyed prom and we spent senior skip day together watching anime he’s recommended me. (He’s really into anime and trying to get me to watch it).
Anyway I did something bold when he asked me how my day was and I said “it’s good and better now that you’re texting”. I guess it sounds like I flirting with him and I guess guys are clueless because why would I have invited him over if I didn’t like him😅? Anyway he asked some funny random questions today and I didn’t ask any back so any funny conversation starters? Maybe even a would you rather or something…

Tier List: https://imgur.com/a/SPm0Fjl
This one hits different. Right from the start, with those ominous vocals giving the whole thing a feeling of foreboding and momentousness. Donald Trump lurking around the stage for his titlecard, even staying onscreen as his titlecard goes away is hilarious and a great visual touch. Then we get Hillary sitting in her debate chair; this battle committing so hard to a location both rappers are present in is pretty unique.
"I've been in this game too long; I'm a public servant! Have been since I met MLK in person!" Serviceable opening on paper, but the guest actor, Kimmy Gatewood, makes it stick out with her performance. Love the intensity of her voice and facial expressions. "I'm a woman of the people; that's for certain. You're a man of the people who don't like turbans!" This is a great line, very accurate, and I love the look on Hillary's face. "I was living in the West Wing while you were professional wrestling. Got skin like Russian dressing from too much Russian investing!" Good lines, in particular I really dig the Russian dressing/Russian investing parallel. Also, while I don't think Kimmy bears a super strong resemblance to Hillary Clinton(the guest actress from Clinton v. Henry VIII was much more on-point) she does look a lot like her as she does the Russian dance in the background. Something about her wide-open smile. "You been going bankrupt since the 90s; if I was in Iran you couldn't find me." Very true on both counts, very solid line. I don't know what more there is to say. Is it gonna be controversial to acknowledge the reality that Trump's gone bankrupt lots of times and probably couldn't point to Iran on a map, even now that he's been president? "You don't care about the job, Trump, you just think the desk is shiny." I think it's accurate that Trump really only cares about the prestige, but this still seems like a pretty weak attack. Hell, you could argue the vast majority of presidential candidates care more about the prestige than actually doing anything. "I said that I respect your children but that wasn't quite right, yo! Looking like some extras on American Psycho!" This line is pretty fucking great. I didn't get it when this battle first released, but I've seen American Psycho more recently, and comparing the Trump kids to the useless trust fund posers surrounding Patrick Bateman is hilarious. The hyper-aggressive hip thrusting Hillary's doing is also a great visual. For the most part this portrayal doesn't resemble Hillary much, but I think there's some truth in how she's portrayed as being very try-hard here. "First name is Hillary, middle name Rodham, last name is Clinton, and lyrics I got 'em! You fire celebrities on The Apprentice, motha fucka I fire Bin Laden! (Crack!) cough" Being tryhard again. The lines are pretty good, the flow is pretty good. The reference to her coughing is a fun touch. "How do I say this? You're racist! Ooh, you must get so pissed that your hands are too small to stop and frisk!" The asking/answering of that question at the beginning is really funny, and I like the way they worked Trump's small hands into this attack on him for being racist. "So you use your fingers to touch chicks. (She's only 12 years old.) That's enough, shit! (But she's married, sir.) Just gotta get pushy. (That's your daughter.) Well, grab her by the pussy!" One of the highlights of the battle, love the way they worked in the secret service agent here. Pointing out Trump being a creep at child beauty pageants and towards Ivanka are great lines of attack. "That's assault, brotha! Don't tell me the victim's at fault, sucka! You don't know shit about steaks! Yucka! But the ones on the 8th are great! Motha fucka!" Really fun delivery, good attacks, I like that they threw the Trump Steaks jab in between the more serious sentiments. I don't know what the fuck is going on with the background in this section, though they're really going hard on the tryhardness of Hillary. "Better save the date; I'm gonna rock the vote! Bad bitch on the scene like Murder, She Wrote!" Hillary trying to compare herself to that character is pretty cringe, as is highlighted by her attempting to dab with the biggest "look, aren't I cool, kids?!" look on her face. Real "Pokemon Go to the polls" moment. "So go ahead, Donald, let me see you flow. I brought Michelle's speech; borrow some quotes!" It's a pretty great line, though this line is moreso an attack at Melania than Trump himself; she should have ended with a more Trump-focused attack.
"Let me just say I respect all females. But your rhymes are trash; put 'em next to your emails." The first line is funny in how flagrantly untrue it is, the second line is just plain funny. Good opener. "Our country's in crisis. Who wants to vote for the mother of ISIS? That might not be exactly true, but I don't do politeness." Trump talks out of his ass and lies a lot, yes. "(Believe me!) You wanna talk about misogyny? Your Bill's worse than Cosby! He left a mess on that dress like you left in Benghazi!" The comparison of the rapist Bills is a great line, and I'm not sure whether the whole Benghazi thing was actually something that was Hillary's fault or just a Fox News talking head talking point, but it's a good line regardless. Also by this point it's clear that Lloid's Trump impression is on-point, much better than Peter's. "(Terrible!) You wanna break the glass ceiling, Hillary, I sense it. But the only crack you'll find is my ass pressed against it." The gesturing Lloid is doing during the "I sense it" line is fucking hilarious. The second line is also pretty funny, and did turn out to be true. "The numbers are in and I'm right on your tail. You don't have the stamina, baby, you're frail! This will be just like '08 when you fail! But Trump will appoint you to jail!" Fun parallel to Hillary's "First name is Hillary" segment from before going on here. The lines themselves are fine, nothing amazing. The second-to-last one turned out to be true, the last one did not. "How do I say this? You're a 2. And you almost lost the primary to a socialist Jew!" It's pretty funny how Trump mimics Hillary's "How do I say this?" bit, and "you're a 2" is such a simple but funny jab. He's got a point that Hillary was so weak a candidate that Bernie Sanders came outta nowhere and was able to put up a serious competition in a race that was supposed to have no real competition for her. "What do the American people gotta yankee doodle doo, to get it through your fat face, that they're just not that into you?!" The use of 'yankee doodle doo' is funny and he's got a real point that Hillary needs to accept she's very unpopular, though that 'fat face' line is such a pot calling the kettle black moment. No doubt intended as such. "They want a strong male leader who can stand up to China! Not a crooked, little, wishy-washy bleeding heart vagina!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant sexist. The "China, China, China... bloody vagina!" in the background is a very funny touch. Little bits like that just add so much to this battle. "I'm gonna run these streets like I run my casinos; more police and less Latinos!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant racist. "While you bury us in debt buying poor people socks, I'll create jobs, tearing down mosques!" Trump is against programs that help the impoverished and hates Muslims. "Then I'll use all the best rocks from the site to build a wall, dip it in gold and make Mexico pay for it all!" The thing Lloid does with his eyes as he smiles when he says "build a wall" is just... SO Trumpian. This really is one of the greatest Trump impressions I've ever seen, Lloid did an amazing job. As for the line... Trump says he's gonna build a wall. He built a partial wall. A partial, really unimpressive wall. "I'll make this country great again! We'll all be living large! And I'll tell Congress you're fired, and put Charles in charge!" Trump's slogan is MAGA and Charles in Charge was a TV show whose main actor is a Trump supporter. Also apparently there was a Supreme Court judge named Charles Trump once wanted nominated. Alright. "'Cause this whole system's rigged! And we all know the riggers! For the last eight years this country's been run by- (CAW!)" The point of this line is that Trump is a giant racist. I like the touch that the crowd is cheering wildly for Trump while Hillary looks disturbed in the background.
Then Lincoln comes soaring in on an eagle, as he did in Obama v. Romney. "Are you fucking kidding me with this blah blah blah? I've half a mind to feed you both to my oversized - (CAW!)" The use of 'CAW!' as a censor is amusing. "I've heard more thoughtful discussion up in TMZ! You two got brother blocking brother on their Facebook feed!" This isn't fun anymore, it's just real. "I'm so sick and tired of this ridiculous shit! If this is the best my party gets, then my party should quit!" The Republican Party is a nightmare and Lincoln would be ashamed of it today, is what is being said. "I'm sorry, did I say something that you found funny? Wipe that creepy-ass smile off your face and beat this dummy!" Clinton is a shitty politician who didn't take Trump seriously enough, and she comes across as cold and inhuman. And in case you somehow failed to pick up on it before, ERB makes clear here their endorsement for which candidate to vote for. "And if she does win the White House, be a man and hold the door. Don't get your fans stirred up in some sorta Twitter civil war!" Too real, especially after January 6th. "Here's an equal opportunity smack down in the sequel! That's of the people, by the people, for the people, eagle!" Some people have debated whether Lincoln slapped Trump twice in place of slapping Clinton at all because he's a gentleman and wouldn't hit a woman, or because ERB favors Clinton over Trump. The latter is definitely true, but the former is also probably true. So... both! Then Lincoln yells "Eagle!" and fucks off.
Let's talk about bias. There's two camps of people I've seen in discussions about certain ERB battles, especially this one, and they both irk me. So let's address both of them.
First off: YES, ERB is biased against Trump. And are biased against Republicans generally, and much more sympathetic to the Democrats. They've made that completely obvious from the beginning. And you know what? That's totally fine! They're right to be biased against them! But for some reason, some people in the fanbase can't just admit that. For some reason, there's a lot of people in the fanbase who will bend over backwards trying to explain how it's actually totally unbiased(false) and they attack both sides equally(false) and people complaining are being salty(true). But if you think ERB is unbiased, then society has failed you, because you are a woeful media illiterate. They're screaming Vote for Hillary, Don't Let Trump Win! at you and somehow you haven't managed to decipher what they're saying. I hope for your sake you're, like, twelve years old if you actually think they're unbiased. Here's an important lesson for you to learn as you grow up: 'biased' does not equate to 'bad'! For example, you SHOULD be 'biased' against Hitler! If you look at someone like Hitler and compare him to someone like MLK and treat them as equally valid figures whose ideas are both worthy of consideration, then you're at best a useful idiot and at worst a Nazi apologist! Stop feeling like you have to defend ERB's honor by feverishly denying any claims of bias!
But even worse than those jokers are the fuckers who love to bitch about how ERB has gotten "too political" or "too woke" nowadays. NEWSFLASH, DUMBASS: the very FIRST battle was John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly, and Bill O'Reilly literally says "Because I'm evil! Heart blacker than Don Cheadle!" Their very foundation as a series is shitting on Republicans! They didn't suddenly 'go woke' just because they stopped doing gay jokes and shat on Trump even more explicitly than they already did to Romney.
Anyway, I've got mixed feelings about this battle. The 'mixed' part of those feelings come from how heavy it is; I have to be in a certain mood to want to listen to this, and most times I see this pop up in my playlist I just skip on to the next one. It's uncomfortable. It's real. Maybe a little too real. But then again, maybe they were right to take it so seriously. It's still a great battle, even if it can be a little hard to come back to. The only big flaw I think is present is that Lincoln coming in at the end is kind of a drag. It was funny the first time; this doesn't recapture the magic. He doesn't really have any great lines either. I tend to stop listening by the time he comes in. But besides that, this battle has an amazing instrumental track, great visuals, peak performances from both Lloid and Kimmy, and good, sometimes great, writing.
I used to think Trump won this battle despite always having been anti-Trump. Revisiting it now, I'm not sure why I thought that. Maybe it was because his part was just so entertaining, even moreso than Hillary's. Maybe it's because I, like many others, harbor a strong resentment and bitterness towards Hillary Clinton(muh Bernie) that would lead me to not be entirely honest about her performance here. Maybe it's just because that hardly anybody said Clinton won back in the day; Trump had either a majority or a clear plural majority of votes in polls, then Lincoln with a fair amount, then Clinton with a small fraction. Now I see that that is utter bullshit. The only reason anybody votes for Lincoln is either because of the Last Word Effect or because they want to be centrists about it and not side with either candidate; even if you could argue he was the best part of Obama v. Romney, here his verse falls well short of both Clinton and Trump's. On the question of Clinton v. Trump... I can kind of see how someone might think Trump won on account of how hilarious he was, but the joke is often on him with those lines. And if we're being honest I think Clinton had better burns and more substantive lines of attack. I say Clinton>Trump>Lincoln.
inb4 someone says I got "too political" in my presidential election battle analysis

Anyway I (17f) and him (17m) have made great progress. To sum it up he asked for my number a few months ago and I had to further ask him if he liked me and he said yes. We’ve known each other since 6th grade and we are now seniors. I would say we were more of acquaintances. He said he developed a crush on me last year and so far we’ve been to the movies together (still not sure if that was a date or not because originally his friends were supposed to be there but they never showed up), he’s been over my house twice, and we went to prom together. Now, that prom is over there isn’t anything to plan or text about anymore. I don’t see him in school because we don’t have the same classes. I’m very introverted and quiet, I haven’t had friends since middle school and the people who have tried to befriend me either find me boring or awkward. I went from sitting at a lunch table alone in the beginning of the year to sitting at a lunch table with a couple of his friends that share the same lunch. We both said we enjoyed prom and we spent senior skip day together watching anime he’s recommended me. (He’s really into anime and trying to get me to watch it).
Anyway I did something bold when he asked me how my day was and I said “it’s good and better now that you’re texting”. I guess it sounds like I flirting with him and I guess guys are clueless because why would I have invited him over if I didn’t like him😅? Anyway he asked some funny random questions today and I didn’t ask any back so any funny conversation starters? Maybe even a would you rather or something…

Okay this is old af and irrelevant tbh but, i know a highschool friend of addison rae and she said addison used to be the most wanna be popular girl, like the kind you see in movies who is popular and just lives for it. And apparently during prom coronation she was one of the people who could be prom queen, so when they announced it, she started walking up and smiling…. But they called someone elses name. Like she didnt even listen she just assumed it was her. Said the school had second hand embarrassment. Idk just thought it was funny cause its like a scene in a coming of age movie lol

So Im 25, and Ive missed out on most of my life it feels Im finnaly doing better, so now Its easy to see how far my family ruined my life Every attempt at improving my life, Whether it was getting a liscense, learners, New job, even Going to my high school homecoming, has been made to be harder than it neede to be With CPTSD, Ocd, and anxiety, I was railroaded from a young age, into several hospitals and missed out on most life events, Please let me stresss, not once, have I ever attempted to end my life, or even attempted self harm, not a single time, But i was sent to hospital after hospital, by an abusive family actively ruining my life I didnt have a good childhood, with bullying and then having to and get yelled at several all night until finally going to bed, to get up and repeat the cycle, school until 10th grade for me was awful, At the time, I had been sent away to a resident hospital, for 6 months, I missed out on getting the chance to have any lasting friendships, and after getting back I decided, Enough I got a job, was more extroverted, Had the OPTION of having friendships, for 2 months, I went to high school, this was in 12th grade, It was the time when homecoming was coming up, the therapist/ program who I had been forced to see at the time.. by fsm, ( or else be homel;ess) kept saying she was worried, I was Doing Fine, I had been asked by quite a few girls in school, (whom I didnt even know btw) to go to homecoming, It felt nice to have a social circle, I said I was fine, I dont need to go to a hosptial, no self har, wasnt suicdl, But the week before homecoming, she shows up, with Cops, and forces me to hospital, I tried saying no, but not only did they not listen, They did THE ONE FUCKING THING that worsened my ptsd For a week I was stuck there, missed my homecoming,, and just stopped going to school entirely After stopping school. I soon after quit working, because It was hard to fear everyday, the thought of her showing up at my work, with more cops, and FORCING me into another hospital was too horriful, thefear of everyone around, WATCH me go back, when I didnt even need, was too much For MONTHS I LAID in bed, not doing anything, barely eating, staring at the ceiling, This BITCH did nothing. didnt send me back, after deciding I didnt want to spend more time like that, I tried job hunting, only for this bitch to show up and force me back to one, (Family mentioned the job hunting probably), this didnt just jhappene with jobsd, I didnt even get to maintain irl friends, bc I couldnt even see them, I was Able to get a learners or even a liscence, bc I kept trying to get a ridr from family, only to be yelled at, told how incovient it was, or have the cops called (yes Just because i wanted to live my life) and the threat of being kicked out or sent to another hospital This happened repeatedly, every time I tried bettering my life, I was railroaded back into hospital after hostiapl. Ive been to 14 at this point, and every night I have nightmares still, every day I have to try to get out of the memoris, Its HARD It was Hard to watch everyone else go to my homecoming, It was hard to miss my prom, Its Hard, to see eveyone else have what I want, Its hard to watch any friendships die because If I try to get out, everything is Purposefully made worse I moved to a decent apartment Now, No hood, No gunshots every night ,No more violent roommates, Its right next to a college I work at pizza hut, I I comeback, to my empty apartment, log onto my pc, playt games, go to the gym, and go to sleep, I still cant drive, even If I could, no car, No friends, and the small bit of social interaction I have is at the gym or work, I missed out ion the option to have lasting friendships, I wont get my homecoming dance, the memories of having my 20s, anything else Everyone else had, I wont get, Im just starting my life, And now its so damn behind I am NOT suidical, but honestly, it feels pointless now, Im tired, im so far behind everyone else, solely because someone made the decisions for my life, and abused me when I Tried to live, Its hard sometime, to not just OD on bleach and then go swim in the pool The funny thing is, My dad constantly cries about it, saying shit like, i have no idea how hard it was, for hm to make the choice to "help" me, It wouldve been better to do NOTHING, than to worsen my life to this point , I want to go to college, but honestly it feels too late I have a GED and dont want to spend more time at a cc, college is mainly for the social aspect, but Im 25 , so ig its a little late to do that....
Can someone give me advice, anything, Im just tired.

I need some help with some long, convoluted, nonsensical jokes to tell my students at my job as an assistant teacher.
The longer and stupider the joke the better.
Here's an example of my favorite one to tell:
...
I walked into a coffee shop (the original joke has a bar) and I saw a man with a big orange head. I went to the barista and said, "Say, what's with the guy with the big orange head?"
The barista said, "Buy him a coffee and maybe he'll tell you his story."
So I went up to the man with the big orange head, coffee in hand, and he said, "I bet you want to hear about how I got the big orange head, huh?"
I said, "Yes, if you don't mind."
He said, "Well, let me tell you...I was walking along the beach and I saw a lamp. I rubbed the lamp and a genie came out and said I could have three wishes. For my first wish, I wished for money, and money rained from the sky and I was rich. For my second wish, I wished for love (this is a part where the students cover their ears), and a beautiful woman emerged from the ocean and we were married immediately."
I looked at the man with the big orange head and said, "I don't get it. What's with the big orange head?"
The man with the big orange head sighed and said, "Well, that's where I went wrong. For my third wish, I wished for a big orange head."
...
I love this joke and it cracked me up when I was a kid. My students, on the other hand, always look at me like I'm crazy and don't laugh (which I think is funny in of itself), but they keep asking me to tell it to them again and again. Sometimes, I modify the joke (so the man has a big green foot or a bird stuck to his ear etc) and see how long it takes them to yell at me that I'm just telling the same joke as always.
I also tell some other long jokes, like the "no punch line" prom joke, and the "scary" story about the monkey picking his nose (and I tell it like it really happened to me).
Any long jokes/silly stories that are school-appropriate or can be modified to be school-appropriate are welcome! Please tell me your favorite ones!
EDIT: Thank you guys for all the jokes! I'll be sure to tell the kiddos a lot of these! I've read all your responses but don't have time to answer all of them, so I just wanted to say thank you here!

I’m sorry this is so long. I was just going to write a few paragraphs but then I kept remembering things. It’s just an unorganized dump of my thoughts.
He died 10 years ago when I was 17. To say that I was relieved when he died would be an understatement. Of course I was sad for my mom and my little sister (he was her dad), but god I felt free after he died. I was happy. I laughed at his funeral when no one was looking.
He never treated me well. I think that some of the stuff he did would be considered verbal and emotional abuse. He would criticize everything I did constantly and when I would say something to my mom she would say “he does that because he loves you.” Yeah fucking right. One time my little sister broke a key on the shared laptop, so I tried to fix it. I didn’t make a big deal about it, I didn’t want her to get in trouble, I just tried to fix it. I glued the key back on and it worked mostly fine. When he found out I did that, I was screamed at for being so irresponsible and stupid to use glue on a keyboard. I was just a kid too, ya know?
I wasn’t allowed to eat snacks after school because “boys don’t like fat girls” but his son was allowed to eat anything he wanted. I would have gym class and softball practice but I wasn’t allowed to eat until dinner. I got into the habit of sneaking food into my room, scarfing it down and putting the wrappers in my pillow case so there was no evidence. It took me until my mid twenties to break that habit. If I had a snack in my hand and my roommate came home, I would bolt to my room and eat whatever it was as fast as I could.
He got farm animals and promptly made it mine and my brothers (my full brother, not step) responsibility. My little sister and his son, who was the oldest, never had to do anything for the animals. My brother and I were expected to feed them every day and clean their pens. No questions asked.
He would ask me questions in a certain way to make me look and feel stupid in front of other people. He wanted to make sure I felt small. I carried that with me into my 20s as well. Someone I worked with pointed out that I did that to other people and I’ve worked really hard to stop. It’s a horrible feeling and I don’t want to make anyone feel that way.
He would actively talk about me as if I wasn’t in the room. Once, I came downstairs to use the bathroom I heard him ask my mom “what is she doing down here” and my mom said “I dunno” so I said “I’m just using the bathroom” and I got screamed at for talking out of turn. There was another time when he said “she should have stayed in her cave” (meaning my room). But then I would also get yelled at for not spending time with the family.
For my Junior prom, all my friends met at my house to take pictures, but my mom wasn’t taking pictures of me because he said he wasn’t feeling well that day. So my mom went inside and my friends moms took pictures of me. Even after he died, he still ruined my events. For my graduation party I wanted my mom to make poster boards with different pictures of me, like my other friends moms did. I asked her to make one and she said “why would I do that?” I know it’s because she was grieving (he died like 3 months before that). I had to go and buy the boards myself and pay to get the pictures printed. And then I decorated them alone. When my younger sister graduated a few years ago my mom made 4 different boards full of pictures. I couldn’t help myself, I did say something to her about that and how hurt I was. She didn’t really say anything in response.
When I was 11-13 I went through a tomboy phase and wore boys clothes only. He told my little sister to ask me why I kissed my girl friend in front of everyone at dinner. I never kissed her and I’m not gay, but he tried to “out” me every chance he got.
Anytime I was upset about anything he would tell me to go live with my dad. And I honestly would have, but my dad lived 2 hours from us and I didn’t want to leave my friends. I think about that a lot. What if I had left and never went back? Sometimes I really wish I did.
I know that my mom was trying to give us a better life than she had, but sometimes she would compare our childhoods and try to show me that I had it better. “At least he doesn’t hit you, my mom had a boyfriend that hit me.” Like, is that where the bar is? At least he doesn’t leave a physical mark? She would say he’s not healthy and he’s sad about his life, as if that made everything he did okay. I was always expected to be the bigger person and I never ever got an apology.
I know I wasn’t a perfect kid by a long shot, but I honestly think I was good. I always had good grades, got perfect attendance several years in a row. I kept my room relatively clean. But I’m a girl and so I was treated differently and I had different rules. Sometimes I would just shut down and not speak to anyone for days. And then I would get yelled at for not speaking.
He was my first bully. I got bullied at school a little bit when I was in elementary school and middle school, but it never even phased me because the way I was treated at home was worse. I actually didn’t even realize that some of the stuff other kids would say to me would be considered bullying until a couple years ago. I got called fat and dumb and ugly at home, why would I care if someone said it at school?
So anyways, he died of a heart attack. Doing nothing but sitting on your ass and eating all day will do that to you, I guess.
The thing that sucks the most is that even though he’s dead, sometimes I can’t stop myself from thinking about all of this and getting myself upset. Like right now, for example. And I hate when my mom talks about him and shares memories. I know it’s normal to do that when people are dead, but I can’t even stay in the room sometimes when she talks about him. I hated him and he hated me. And I want to tell her that. I want to scream it from the rooftops.
I’M GLAD HE’S DEAD!!!!!!!!!!
Edit: please don’t attack my mom. She was doing the best she could.
Funny though, after I posted this I opened a fortune cookie that says, “value the importance of forgiveness.” I forgave my mom a long time ago. Maybe I need to forgive him, too.

What is love?? Love can come in different ways, but I know the five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.
There’s: friendship, being married, being there for the kid,forced,real love, fake love, toxic love but today i'm here to talk about the one love i never thought i’d find in my ###### school the name #### ###### school. Kendrick:, When i first came to fort i thought wow everyone was calling me pretty and loved my eyes all wanted to be friends .I thought the teacher hated me and a week later i felt out of place but then a new girl came we clicked till she took the spotlight i felt hurt and hated for her i hate that i couldn't make friends that everyone was making fun of me but slow over time the problems i deal with are no more i have more friends i stand my ground i have a boyfriend but it’s not time to talk about him just yet .4 guys i was looking at 4 guys kendrick.eddy,Mr.fox and big gangster( the tallest in the school).mr.fox was a$$hole has my friend said, Eddy was a pervert and messed with everyone ,big gangster i white want to be tung no one truly liked him from what i heard and i sept 4 weeks watching him til one day ,Kendrick funny messed up with people fine and a great personally. I think from that state you know who my boyfriend is yep Kendrick. Let me start over to the day everything changed march the 28th all 8th graders in the gym and we all having fun me and my friend were standings around when a guy hit me and hurt my hand i was very dramatic but we sat in the stairs has my bestie georgia drew on my hand has i watched Kendrick i asked her if it ok if someone liked him she said she never liked him and she knew i liked him so she told him and we talked all spring break he helped when my dog died and when a guy said something about my dog 2 weeks later we are together and i'm happy because the love ,the caring the calling me princess and the i love you’s ,the calling me pretty saying that i can do something ,trusting me he is the best thing that has happen to me he has hugged me and i felt loved something i didn’t feel in my mom’s hugs it was great he really hugged me it makes my day full of happiness he gave he the hug i was waiting for awhile i look forward to his hugs everyday but yesterday he kissed my cheek and i kissed him and it was great he said i was only as tall as him because of my boots but yea he’s great but i think he is going to meet my mom on may the 9th im scared for that to happen On friday i was at my locker and he wanted his hoodie in my locker wow i said it made me nervous i was having a hard time when that happen i felt dumb i move the hair out his face and kissed him at the end of the i walked in the band room he was laying on the chair when he saw me he stood up and hug me then he looked at me in froze and stared at his lips it seemed like he wanted me to kiss him then i stop zoning out and he said just kiss my cheek and i did that .last night he called me princess and pretty i was so happy he really loves me i he asked what suit he should wear if we have prom he said pink would look good on me:May 17th
-Lover girl

(They’re sitting on the phone, about to get on the plane. They sit down in front of their gate.)
It’s funny, hm? It wasn’t until after you left that I realized how much of a toxic friend you were. I should hate you for it, shouldn’t I? I want to. It’s odd, isn’t it? Every day with you felt like walking on eggshells. I wanted you to notice the pain you caused me. I believed your empty promises. I believed your lies. “I’ll change.” You said. “I’ll fix it.” You said. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” You said, and in my fear of being alone, I believed you. I let you lie to me because you were all I had.
Two years. Did you know that? That’s how long it took me to be able to let you go. To be able to walk away. Can you believe that? Even though all the times you lied, left me, hurt me, I still stayed, and… and I can’t tell you why because I don't know why I stayed myself. I watched you push me away, replace me, forget me, and I stayed.
I should hate you, for coming after me, for putting the blame on me after I left. I left silently. You knew it would happen. I have the texts to prove it, and yet you still blamed me for walking away. I should hate you, but I can’t. For everytime you’ve said you’d be there and you weren’t. Do you remember, you said we were okay, that we were fine, and then you made plans to go to prom with your friends, our friends, in front of my face, without me. That was my breaking point, when I finally had enough. That’s what gave me the courage to walk away.
And so I did.
I walked away from the lies, from the empty promises, I walked away from you, from the group I had grown to love. I walked away from the 4+ friendships, and I left behind the hurt, the tears I cried for you, and the pain you made me feel trying to understand what I did wrong.
I walked away and left everything behind.
Why?
Because this is was last year, and this…you…us. It’s on the back burner now, and the fire is dying out.
(They stand, going to board the plane.)
(Sigh) This is goodbye, officially, so…goodbye, old friend.
(They hang up the phone, then they board the plane)

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