(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

How can we stop going around in circles with these corrupted nihilists? (basically an extreme religious-nut but in reverse; no meaning, no value, no good/bad, nothing matters) I've compiled some of my thoughts/comments.

But first If you are not caught up yet:
1 Re: Vegan Gains ...The Militant Vegan Raffaela Interview - (May 12, 2024)
2 Vegan Gains is a sub-Jerkivest [5/11/24]
3 Moral Realism Debate w/ Inmendham - (May 16, 2024)
4 WTF #899: The vegan gains debate ... Value realism - (May 19, 2024)
5 Vegan Gains ...Denialism is the only nihilism [5/19/24]
also saw this Controversial Topics with Vegan Gains (Horse Riding, Bivalves, Depression, and much more!) - (May 11, 2024) ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ (he thinks in terms of some dogmatic religious brain-rot morality source of right/wrong, but a kind of reversed/opposite conclusion of it's absence, nihilism)
the very reason religion was invented in the first place was because humans by nature had a value-engine driving them & NEED for meaning, that's the irony. value gave rise to religion, religion never needed to grant value. The fact people can't grasp this. 🤦 ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

Now onto the various arguments, sorry how long and out of order it is But the idea is to provoke you coming up with better ideas/arguments, and if you can critic and strenghen my and ultimately inmendham's arguments. The GOAL should be to Create a formal argument AKA a syllogism, modus ponens. Something clear and concise that can't be taken out of context or misinterpreted, as happened with the debate...

On the subject of Efilism, tread lightly, the philosophy and argument extends beyond merely focusing on suffering; it also includes the critical issue of consent violation. Its proponent and creator, Inmendham, argues for value realism, which contrasts starkly with the notion of subjective morality which I find illogical. While objective morality is full of baggage... often linked to outdated religious doctrine so on face value it's not fun or easy subject to broach... many contemporary non-religious ethicists ground it in realism. Personally me, inmendham and others see no use for the term "morality" as it's tainted. value-realism is the subject. Is it a value-laden universe or not?
it is not necessary to call TRUE/REAL right or wrong Objective, because if objective is defined as mind-independent than without minds there's nothing right/wrong to happen to, therefore THE discussion should be just regarding what is TRUE or NOT, subjective doesn't necessarily mean mere contrived opinion or preference but can be logical conclusion, e.g. you can conclude 2 + 2 = 4 as we understand these concepts of numbers to model reality but can you call it objective or mind-independent 2 + 2 = 4, or that math exists? Not really. As you require a modeler to model reality, an observer to make the observation, a mind to come to such accurate conclusions. To me, claiming there is no real right or wrong is akin to asserting that moral standards and ultimately the subject of Ethics is as fictitious as religion or Santa Claus, you just believe it cause you want to or have preference to. Why maintain this pretense if it's all a mere fabrication / contrivance?
Regarding subjective judgments such as determining "What's the tastiest potato chip or the most beautiful painting?", these are not factual assessments about the things themselves, The question itself is misleading, because the thing itself has none of those qualities objectively, Instead, such qualities are OUTPUTs generated by the interaction of our bodies and minds with these INPUT items, the input is quite arbitrary/irrelevant, unlike the highly meaningful & distinct output generated of positive or negative experiences. You might get off more on certain female body part than another, it doesn't matter, the output positives & negatives is more or less same among individuals and that's what's relevant... not what specific fun or hobby gets you or them off or pushes their buttons.
It can be TRUE that a certain food item is the tastiest to that personal individual, or gross to another, and we can talk about intersubjective truths with averages overall. But one's experience of what is tastiest for them doesn't contradict another's, they can both be true for them individually, as you are likely not even sharing the same exact experiences to judge differently. And one's very perception or framing of the experience changes the experience itself, no way around this truth. Some people find bricks tasty or edible, just how their brain is wired.
It's important to recognize that differing opinions of personal taste do not inherently conflict in the way ethical contradictions do. With ethical matters, asserting that two diametrically opposed views are equally valid is problematic, either one is right and the other wrong, or both might be based on flawed reasoning. Pretending 2 opposing ethical views can be both equally right/true/correct is utter contradictory mush, either one of them must be right / wrong, or both are contrived meaningless nothing opinions, just made up. you wouldn't say whether one believes in god or not IS mere personal opinion/preference and such 2 opposing views can be equally right at same time, that's utter contradictory nonsense, by saying 2 opinions that gRAPE is both good & bad at same time are equally right opinons, right loses all meaning and you might as well say neither is right and both are wrong, they each have their own contrived fairytale delusion.
Now with Ethics of right / wrong, it does not depend on one single individual's preference or opinion, but taken as the whole, if you violate one without consent you still have to account for that since you are seemingly putting the weight on the preference otherwise preferences are utterly meaningless and irrelevant.
ALSO, Do you call whatever you prefer what's right, or do you prefer to try to do what is right?
Do you prefer to seek out what is the right most accurate conclusion given all the facts of reality, or contrive right to be what's in your preference/interest or personal gain?
I don't think VG or most these talking heads understand value-realism (problematic events within subjectivity/a non-physical but REAL reality of the mind). Obviously there's no objective divine or otherwise prime-directive moral-rules we must follow. Unfortunately Religion has poisened the conversation so much with archaic ideas and mushy terms like 'Morality'. Understand there is no 'moral truth', let alone an objective one, ofc if you pigeon-hole me or all realists into defending such nonsense it's easy to refute them. What I'm interested in is subject of Ethics, and to start whether or not value/problematic events exist or do not exist.
Here's a silly question by nihilists: "why is suffering bad?"
Response: How do you identify suffering? Based on the fact that it feels bad. (Yes subjectively) Just as we can subjectively understand 2+2 = 4
Or this: "prove suffering bad, objectively"
Also question-begging, obviously it is subjective. If such badness cannot exist mind-independently by definition.
"Prove suffering is bad, objectively"
is begging the question, because...
It strawmans / assumes the badness must be bad mind-independently, it isn't therefore, it isn't bad.
Answer this, evolutionarily do animals PERCEIVE being tortured skinned alive nail in the eye as BAD, or does it impose torture which we RECOGNIZE and define as Bad by definition?
If true PAIN/torture isn't bad then why does it exist evolutionarily? Answer: (problem -> solution) mechanism which functions as ability to learn & improved survival, this mechanism was reinforced over time as it worked.
inmendham & realists like myself argue: it is the case Descriptively, Objectively evolution IMPOSED Prescriptive-value-judgements onto animals which function as a learning/problem solving mechanism. Fact is, the invention of 'PROBLEM' is something I/we/animals had nothing to do with... (no-free-will-choice) but are simply byproduct in observation of this fact.
If real PROBLEM(s) didn't truly exist then Arguably the word and conceptual understanding it points 👉 to wouldn't exist either. As if beings could be truly blind never seeing colors/vision yet pulling the idea out of thin air and conceiving of such a thing, how preposterous, that'd be giving human creativity/imagination way too much credit. The only nihilist argument then is that by evolution we & all feeling organisms are somehow ultimately deluded or have illusion of problem where there is none, which I find deeply implausible. Run the torture study/experiment a million times putting people's arm in the fire "yep still bad". Filtering out people who lack ability to feel pain of course.
As evolutionary biologists even states pain is a message to the animal "don't do that again". Can't get descriptively prescriptive more than that.
Are You Getting It?
The Ought is literally baked in as an IS. The is-ought gap to be bridged is a complete Red-Herring, yes you can't derive an Ought from an IS, because if you oughtn't do something, then it can never be BAD... problematic/BAD/torture can't mean anything if it doesn't scream OUGHT-not.
All you have to agree to is due to evolution it created torture which is decidedly negative/ inherently BAD, by definition. Otherwise it wouldn't feel bad or be torturous at all... THEN ask yourself, how can something be BAD yet it's not BAD to create that BAD?
This is Checkmate. These are irrefutable Facts & Logical deductions.
So much for it all being false-perception, the very fact placebo patients perceive an otherwise harmless laser as BAD/painful makes it so. It's the TRUE reality in their mind and you can't deny that fact. It's also a fact believing a pain isn't really all that bad can make it so, but this doesn't make these value-laden experiences NOT real/true.
As per evolution, your body/brain's mechanisms must generate & impose a prescriptive-value-judgement / problematic event within your mind,
It's nagging, complaining, telling you keeping your hand on the hot stove is a mistake/problematic/bad. (not in itself but as a consequence)
I believe this brain making me write all this... is making an accurate assessment when it observe certain events to be problematic/bad where it's happening which is within subjectivity, where's your evidence my perceptions are fooling me or I'm somehow deluded? I witnessed the crime take place and you were nowhere near the crime scene yet you have the authority to claim otherwise as fact? (You are not simply agnostic to my problem suffering but a De-nihilist)
Once one accepts this evolutionary fact we can move on to more complicated questions regarding ethics, like how do weigh the good & the bad, conflicting preferences, etc. Otherwise, it's all pointless & futile, like arguing bivalves or wild-suffering with a non-vegan. They're just not on that level yet and it's a waste of time.
revised version of my other comment: I believe that many discussions around morality miss a crucial point about value-realism, which acknowledges problematic events within subjectivity, a non-physical but real reality of the mind. It is evident that there are no objective, divine, or prime-directive moral rules we must follow. Unfortunately, religion has muddied the conversation with archaic ideas and terms like 'morality'.
There is no 'moral truth,' especially not an objective one. If critics pigeonhole realists into defending such notions, it becomes easy to refute them. My interest lies in ethics and whether value/problematic events exist.
Consider this question by nihilists: "Why is suffering bad?"
Response: Suffering is identified because it feels bad, subjectively. Just as we subjectively understand 2+2=4, we can recognize suffering through its unpleasant experience.
When asked to "prove suffering is bad, objectively," this is question-begging, as the question assumes that the badness must exist independently of minds, which it does not by definition. This question straw-mans the issue by requiring mind-independent badness, ignoring the subjective nature of suffering. As if the quality of it being BAD must be granted by something outside the experience itself.
Evolutionary Perspective: Animals perceive and react to torture (e.g., being skinned alive) as bad because evolution has imposed mechanisms that signal harm. Pain serves as a problem-solving mechanism, reinforcing behaviors that enhance survival. If pain and suffering weren't inherently problematic, they wouldn’t exist in the form they do.
Realists like myself argue that evolution has objectively imposed prescriptive-value judgments on animals. The concept of 'problem' or 'bad' arises from these evolutionary mechanisms, not from free will. The existence of these concepts indicates the reality of these problematic experiences.
If real problems didn’t exist, neither would the concepts describing them. This is akin to how beings blind from birth wouldn’t conceive of color. Suggesting that evolutionary processes have universally deluded all feeling organisms into perceiving problems where there are none is implausible.
As evolutionary biologists state, pain signals to the animal, "don't do that again," which is descriptively prescriptive. The 'ought' is embedded within the 'is.' Thus, the is-ought gap is a red herring because prescriptive judgments are evolutionarily ingrained.
Again, How do you identify suffering? Based on the fact that it feels bad. (Yes subjectively) Just as we can subjectively understand 2+2 = 4
All you have to agree to is due to evolution it created torture which is decidedly negative/ inherently BAD, by definition. Otherwise it wouldn't feel bad or be torturous at all... THEN ask yourself, how can something be BAD yet it's not BAD to create that BAD?
Conclusion: By acknowledging that evolution created inherently negative experiences like torture, we accept that these experiences are bad by definition. Denying the badness of creating bad experiences is contradictory. Therefore, once recognizing the true reality of subjective experiences, only then we can move on to complex ethical questions about weighing good and bad and addressing conflicting preferences.
playing devil's advocate let's try Steelman their position and then arrive at the logical conclusions of it and then perhaps refute it. If they say: "veganism = right" realize there is no contradiction IF by 'right' they just mean it's literally nothing but their preference...
There's no goal to prefer to know/do what's right, RATHER what's right is whatever matches our personal preferences, so unlike flat earther vs round earth beliefs/CLAIMs which can contradict/conflict with each other since either 1 is right or both are wrong. Individual tastes don't.
Whereas if VG says 9 people gRAPE the 1 kid for fun is WRONG because he's a threshold-deontologist but Also RIGHT to a hedonistic utilitarian, Those views only contradict/conflict if they are making VALUE-claims or recognizing a problematic event take place. However, with VG apparently he would have to say he's not claiming or labelling anything as TRULY problematic at all but merely describing his preferences like flavor of ice cream...
Now, of course, as the realist, I find such a view more deplorable/worse than if they were merely agnostic on right/wrong. Cause it's one thing to say there's a right answer to questions of Ethics but we have no objective scientific basis to determine it yet or lack knowledge VS saying they have knowledge there is absolutely no right or wrong.
Under Anti-realism nihilism, what they mean by wrong/right, is just their preference, if I understand correctly (which I'm quite sure) Anti-realism nihilism reduces the Subject of Ethics down to nothing but you or someone else pontificating/opining (i.e "me no like torture") . It defends some sort of expressivism, emotivism, normative, prescriptive reduction of Ethics. Which I find lubricious and has to be a mistake,
I don't see anyone playing any different game even the nihilists invest their money and plan ahead for self-interest, no one truly signs up for torture for fun like it's no problem, and runs away from pleasure happiness as bad. Further, it stands to reason... since we can recognize objectively evolution created a punishment mechanism to enforce learning and survival, BAD/PROBLEM as a concept is something I/WE/Animals had nothing to do with. We didn't invent it, we recognize it and respond accordingly. Even evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins stated that pain is a message to the organism 'don't do that again!'
We must address further the flawed logic of VG and other nihilists reducing Ethics down to mere arbitrary preferences like potato chip flavor, or how much salt you prefer in the soup. As it is completely disanalogous & dishonest upon reflection. QUOTE: "There's no arguing against Efilism, it's just personal opinion. Like arguing what tastes better... ice-cream or potato chips?"
Say if you believe that the mona-lisa is beautiful, and I personally find it ugly, this conflicts/contradicts nothing because it claims nothing in terms about that object or reality outside of our own minds.
such qualities are OUTPUTs generated by body/mind from these INPUTs, the input is quite arbitrary/irrelevant, unlike the highly meaningful & distinct output generated of positive or negative experiences.
it doesn't matter what specific fun or hobby gets them off or pushes their buttons in order for it MATTER, those differences don't make it any less real OR all mere subjective opinion. the output positives & negatives is more or less same among individuals and that's what's relevant...
It can be TRUE that a certain food item is the tastiest to some personal individual, or gross to another, one's experience of what is tastiest for them doesn't contradict another's, they can both be true for them individually because it is the reality in their mind, Some people find bricks tasty or edible, just how their brain is wired.
while one person may find a certain food delicious, another may find it repulsive, without invalidating each other's experiences because they are true for them individually. both experiences are valid/correct.
However, actions that disregard another's negative experience invalidate their reality. if you find being boiled alive problematic and I do it anyway believing it's ok, I am invalidating your experience as either not real, relevant, doesn't matter, or my preferences are more important (carry more weight) than yours. Or simply believe it's ALL equal or arbitrary and I just prefer to exploit you so I do that.
Positive or negative experiences are largely consistent among people, making them relevant, regardless of the specific stimuli. Individual truths about taste or preference coexist without contradiction, reflecting each person's value-generated reality.
This cannot honestly be applied to one's mere opinion it's fine to boil kids alive, as you are invalidating the fact that it matters to those victims. You saying it doesn't matter or your gain of pleasure outweighs their loss of pain, is a claim about the reality of events going on in their mind, so there is room for conflict/contradiction. They can't both be right/wrong at the exact same time.
A strong non-intuition argument/claim & facts presented render value-nihilism implausible:
It is Descriptively the case, that Evolution IMPOSED Prescriptive-ought statements... of 'PROBLEMATIC sensation/event' on organisms which functioned as a learning mechanism and improved survival.
Therefore, BAD/PROBLEM isn't mere subjective opinion but something I/we/animals had nothing to do with and are mere by-product reacting to an observation.
This is pretty much the only base-axiom needed to ground my own torture as mattering as the original actual value-currency at stake. That paired with the fact I sampled consciousness and know it matters to me whether or not I am tortured, the fact that I personally observe it as problematic makes it the true reality for my own mind...
...AND it's not mere opinion/proclamation / or idea humans creatively invented out of thin air... as if like everyone could be truly blind yet conceptualizing colovision, makes no sense. plus that's giving humanity way too much credit of imagination.
Can't really have thoughts about information that you don't have. The concept of bad/problem arguably wouldn't even exist if it never was so.
Yes, I agree very semantics. I am attempting to shed clarity on this topic. Looking at the word "BAD" purely in a descriptive sense (e.g., that which can be categorically applied to extreme suffering) it loses all meaning if it's not truly consequential (i.e., it matters whether one experiences bad or not). If it doesn't actually matter ("no problemo") then it can't be bad, only an illusion/delusion of it, yet it's an effective one evolution imposed on organisms as a learning/problem-solving mechanism. The value-realists like myself have every reason to believe evolution created the real thing, not some contrived pseudo-problem organisms feel compelled/obligated to solve.
One only requires the axiom of a Descriptive Bad to ground Ethics. Why? Because it can be argued that a descriptive statement of BAD/problem is prescriptive by it's very nature in the meaning the of word/language.(otherwise its psuedo-bad/fake langauge, redefines bad as aversion/mere preference against) Otherwise, it can't mean anything to be bad, torturously obnoxious, unwanted experiential events couldn't mean anything. Evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins even state pain is a punishment signal/message to the animal: "Don't do that again!" If those aren't prescriptions imposed, then I don't know what is. The animal doesn't simply decide/prefer to avoid the event and finds it bad, it's told/finds it bad and so prefers to avoid the event/problem. If god or there were some logically or physically possible way it were to be invented how else would it exist?, or what you think evolution's reward & punishment mechanism accomplished? If it didn't synthesize problematic sensations to force organisms to solve?
Evolution prescribes Needs/wants, at the same time imposes a PAIN/PROBLEM of starvation/hunger which by it's very nature is a prescription for solution (i.e. sustenance/relief/comfort.)
By the very nature of "PROBLEM" it prescribes -> "SOLUTION" not merely a contrived or trivial-like on paper math problem, but the origin of why the word even exists: the problem of pain, a true whip/punishment mechanism, real currency to play with, real loss. Idk how you can describe something categorically as a PROBLEM in the true sense of the word if it doesn't come with it a necessary prescription for its solution. Because if there is no NEED for a solution, then it turns into no longer a problem again...
I don't see how it could be any other way because if there's no real game to be playing with value baked into it, then money would be worthless/not even exist, animals wouldn't bother evade standing in the fire, etc.
Saying It is Descriptively the case, that Evolution IMPOSED Prescriptive-ought statements... of 'PROBLEMATIC sensation/event' on organisms which functioned as a learning mechanism and improved survival.
Is the same as saying Evolution IMPOSED torture/BAD, as that's what torture/bad is... a prescribed need for solution to a problem which is some form of relief/comfort.
The prescription arises as a result of accepting step 1. (which nihilists reject/deny) problem solution. The latter does not follow/exist without the former. basic 2+2 = 4 logic. There's no point figuring out the answer to the math equation, if we don't agree first and foremost a problem exists. Nor how to solve a disease, if we don't first and foremost recognize a disease exists. And so, Any debate with nihilists on step 2: of determining what is the most likely solution / right answer becomes irrelevent and a waste of time. Arguing about whether x or y IS the right answer to fixing/preventing diabetes is pointless when they don't even agree the really disease exists. They don't believe an actual real BAD / Problem exists.
VG reduces it down to mere preferences, his reasonings that even if universally sentience prefers not suffebe tortured... Well, just because it is the case descriptively we prefer to avoid suffering doesn't mean we ought/should prevent suffering. He hasn't bridged the IS-OUGHT gap. But he got it backwards,
the claim/argument... ISN'T that because descriptively, sentience universally has a preference to avoid suffering, it is therefore bad,
the claim/argument... IS that it's descriptively bad/problematic, therefore universally there's a deductively logically assigned preference to avoid it,
Again you can't classify/label something as a problem if it's inconsequential whether it is solved or not. The word loses all meaning. If something NEEDs solving/fixing it means there's a problem, if there's a problem it means there's something NEED solving/fixing. Evolution manufactures these needy problems in organisms to manipulate and control them.
Merely what our preferences are IS NOT relevant, preference "frustration" arguably IS. (if preferences couldn't be frustrated "i.e., no value" than it wouldn't matter which way things turned out)
You can have a preference for some art style over another, if we were just programmed non-feeling robots that preferred to avoid standing in the fire, but there was no real kernel of value/bad, then it wouldn't matter.
Let's imagine something was Objectively PROBLEMATIC, an IS statement. What would a real problem look like? something in NEED of a solution. Again, why? because If it doesn't matter whether or not it exists or is Solved or not, it could never be a problem in the first place. So either this problem exists or it doesn't. (NOTE: it doesn't need to be an objective problem to be REAL, "i.e mind-independent")
Next, if ASI or sentient beings were to sample this "problem", would it not be the case they would logically deduce it's in need of a solution? And assign their preferences accordingly to solving it? Cause again otherwise then you just see it as "no-problemo" again.
"If Inmendham's argument is that sentient beings create value, and that the universe has no value without the presence of a sentient being generating it, would it not follow that the ought is inherently built into sensation?" yes but the way VG unfairly reframes it is that we subjectively place value on it, THAT it's entirely subjective, like you prefer salty or sweet, or certain ice cream flavor. emphasizing that it's entirely subjective opinion. Take a look at his unfair silly example: "we can't say pineapple on pizza is objectively tasty or not..." this shows a complete ineptitude in grasping the subject and misrepresenting the argument like crazy, no one is arguing whether Mona Lisa is objectively beautiful or some such thing.
What is being argued: the positive or negative mind-dependent event produced in response to the sensual or perceptual stimuli, the input (object) is irrelevant, only the output (experience) matters and what the value-engine (BRAIN) produced. What pushes your buttons so to speak, blue jelly beans or green jelly beans, could differ between 2 individuals but the shared experience is the same more or less. Whether you wired to find pineapple on pizza tasty or gross is irrelevant, some people find bricks edible.
Main issue is they talking past each other: what inmendham is arguing for was either not expressed as best it could be, and/or VG does not quite comprehend what is being argued... inmendham claims/argues evolution created the real bad/PROBLEM and we respond in recognition of this fact/truth with preferences that follow accordingly, Logic cannot be escaped, once you know 2+2 = 4, you can't will or believe it to be 79. If you know the right answer "torture be Bad M'kay?" obviously you won't act or behave otherwise and say you love it. What could it mean to have a preference against experiencing torture... does such a statement even make any sense? All that is required is a real BAD to exist... and then the preference to avoid it logically follows, an inescapable truth. Unless he thinks I also choose or prefer to believe 2+2 = 4 ?
Essentially VG keeps counter-arguing that: "yes we want to avoid torture, but that's just your preference... just cause universally sentience has a preference against torture (a Descriptive / IS statement) doesn't logically follow some Normative/Prescriptive claim/statement. That just because something IS the case it doesn't follow that we OUGHT / should do X, like help others, prevent suffering, etc. That's a non-sequitur he says. Ultimately it's just a preference." sure but...
His argument only applies/counters a strawman position in his head: Because of this I and other realists can account for / side-step it completely, we aren't attempting to derive an OUGHT from an IS. e.g strawman: "we ALL have preference against torture, Therefore it's BAD." Or "we ALL have preference against torture, Therefore we OUGHT prevent it"
The actual argument is that it's Truly Bad/Problematic by the very nature of the word, Therefore first-hand observation follows universally a deductively logically assigned preference to avoid it. Not the other way around.
"If the only thing that can have meaning in the universe is the experience of a sentient being, ought we not maximize its value just by nature of its experience being the only thing that can matter?" yes the ought is a further logical extension of recognizing it to be a problem, which denotes/demands a solution, otherwise if it doesn't matter to solve it or not then you've turned it into a non-problem again. So it can only be categorically one or the other.
Issue of semantics, different terminology and definitions: as long as VG defines objective as "mind-independent" and sets the goal-post to the realist to find a mind-independent "wrong/bad" as if somehow we need some divine-command or absolute rule in the universe that declares it so... then there is no fruit to the discussion. suffering/bad takes place in the mind/experience, so of course it's unfair to ask one to present a mind-independent suffering/bad in the universe, it is begging the question. To be fair inmendham uses the term objective and could have done better job with defining/pushing his terms "e.g. objective as truth/real/fact" and not let VG impose in his own. However, I don't ascribe a requirement to demonstrate an Objective BAD to ground a BAD as real, valid, and true; it can be entirely based on Subjectivist grounds/axiomatic foundations.
Just because the BAD takes place within subjectivity doesn't make it any less real (non-physical/immaterial sure... but not unreal). VG and nihilists can't understand this. 2+2 = 4 is subjective as is all science ultimately as a root axiomatic-fact... as an observation requires an observer. This doesn't mean realism can't be proven/grounded, it can just like we can know 2+2=4 and the moon exists. If anti-realism is gonna deny subjective truths because it's subjective, then one can't know much of anything and reduces to solipsism. I am more certain I exist and the reality of "perceived" BAD I experience is actually a real BAD... THAN that the moon even exists or any other scientific empirical claim.
PROBLEM is something I/we/animals had Nothing to do with, we didn't invent it.
If Anti-realism nihilism was True and Real "PROBLEMS" didn't exist the word wouldn't exist. It is like being born never knowing or seeing or experiencing vision & color, it's impossible to contrive or imagine it. Some knowledge & information is only accessible through experience.
Even Richard Dawkins stated, "pain is a message to the animal Don't do that again!"
If the ought exists within subjectivity, as preferences, why would them being Subjective vs Objective determine whether or not their violation matters? If one experiences disgust looking at something AND another finds beauty... both are true realities for them, they don't conflict or contradict like empirical or fact claims, but instead both are correct and relevant, not one or the other, BECAUSE when someone says the mona Lisa is beautiful they are just saying it arises in them a sense of beauty, the thing/input is irrelevant whereas the output in mind is what is relevant and true for their reality.
Subjective =/= not true, I don't understand the dichotomy between objective vs subjective ethics, as if there isn't facts to glean about subjectivity.
There's also definition or semantic problems:
objective (mind-independent) vs subjective (mind-dependent)
Under such definition does it make sense to say Objectively evolution created feeling experiencing organisms having sense of taste, smell, sound, hunger, pain, to survive. So can we apply word objective to mind-dependent experiences or not?
And of course under such definition there is no objective mind-independent ethics as without minds there is no feeling subject of concern to even talk about in first place. So how silly...
Yet they take objective to mean True & Subjective made up or mere contrived opinion.
For me these are semantic word games that distract, I just care about what's fact/true. What many don't get is Even science, math is subjective invention, byproduct of subjective tool of language, doesn't mean we can't create an accurate model and picture of reality.
I believe the Is-Ought gap is a red-herring, sure it's true you can't contrive an Ought from just what IS, but with evolution the OUGHT statement is built-in, it's descriptively a prescriptive value statement imposed on me, I/we/animals literally have nothing to do with it, I'm just by-product an observer. This is key understanding.
There exists no objective or divine commandment "you OUGHT do X" written into the fabric of reality, and therefore if you don't that's Bad, No. That's nonsense/impossible logically.
Rather an Descriptive IS statement of X is a real bad/PROBLEM, denotes/demands a solution by it's very nature of the word, otherwise if it doesn't need solving then it becomes into a non-problem again, so either x categorically IS a PROBLEM or it's not.
The claim/argument... Is that it's Descriptively BAD/Problematic, therefore universally there's a deductively logically assigned preference to avoid it. Not the other way around. Our personal preference against torture forever doesn't make it therefore bad. The prescription is built in, forced onto us.
It's like "STOP!" & "GO" What do you say to a dog? "BAD dog!" This is saying it should or shouldn't do something. basically = "No!" "Stop!" That's a prescriptive statement/signal/conveyed message.
Or simply, alls required is Descriptively diagnose Torture as Problematic. Which implies Problem Solution Without necessity of solution there is no problem at all, likewise without problem solution means nothing.
​So you essentially boiled my position down to: "Evolution programmed preference to avoid torture." or "we evolved preference to avoid torture" Does that sound incoherent or what... as if I would make such a silly claim. Keep straw-manning.
Do you think animals have PREFERENCE by default to avoid being tortured burned alive and have sex, or logically preferences are born out of observing problematic negative / positive assigned accordingly through punishment & reward mechanisms aka prescriptions, think long and hard about this one...
This is why value or ethical nihilism is incoherent to me. IF torture be bad, how can it be NOT-bad/neutral to create BAD?
It either is truly BAD or it isn't. It's either real or it's an illusion/delusion and false perception.
Their position must reduce to there is no MEANINGFUL difference between Torture & Bliss. And evolution didn't create any problematic sensation or true punishment whatsoever. Instead, were somehow deluded to view being boiling alive as problematic sensation/BAD, and relief as good, we can't tell the difference or label which is which...
Vegan Gains or any anti-realist needs to substantiate these anti-realist nihilist claims & concede if he agrees with the statements below:
"The value-laden problematic BAD experience of being tortured boiled alive in a vat of acid indefinitely... isn't really bad, evolution didn't successfully impose a real negative punishment mechanism on animals, torture isn't something I/we/animals had nothing to do with and are just byproduct observing the imposition, NO! Instead our opinion has everything to do with it... what's problematic torture, one is merely subjectively interpreting/inventing/proclaiming it to be so! Evolution failed!"
"Animals run from fire cause they irrationally unreasonably subjectively interpret it to be bad/problematic sensation or experience, not cause DNA molecule made it so objectively for evolutionary reasons"
"It is all subjective preference like flavor of potato chips, problematic torturous experience isn't bad you just think it's bad or have preference against it."
"You don't logically recognize intrinsic problematic torturous experience then logically assign solution to problem which is preference to avoid that experience, No, you merely have subjective delusional preference against a nail in your eye and there is no logic to it"
"Good is Bad, and Bad is Good depending on opinion, no right or wrong, all subjective tho"
value anti-realism nihilism. INSANE! WORSE than a flat-earth theory!

Okay, I know this is gonna attract some hate, but bear with me.
First off, I want to say: Hades 1 is one of my favourite games ever. I have just under 1000 hours on it, I've done everything, and while I'm not as good as some players, I'm running 30 heat consistently without losing.
I'm also a professional games designer, and while that doesn't make my opinions valid, I think I have an okay idea of general design principles.
So I've been playing Hades 2, and so far I'm not really loving it. Obviously this is still the Alpha, and theres a lot of stuff that needs to be changed before the proper release - some stuff is minor, like boon balancing, some stuff I just find baffling as a design decision (Eris "blessing"), and some stuff I appreciate might just mean the game isn't aimed at me - and thats fine.
But the major issue I have is this - the game is slow. Painfully. It seems like one of the aims of the design team was to make the game a bit less "twitchy", which is fine if thats what you want. But theres a mechanic which is compounding this and making combat honestly tedious for me.
Magick regen.
Okay, for me to explain this properly, you need to understand a big issue that hades has - that is, that melee combat kinda sucks. I want to quote Dacookieman from this subreddit, discussing Polyphemus: "Yeah it's just impossible to capitalize on openings as melee because of how all of his attacks work. If you try to play slow then mobs build up and because the hitboxes from cyclops are often overlapping the enemies they also have the same issue of not being able to capatalize on openings without taking damage. It's not quite as bad w the mobs but together it makes melee builds very brutal."
Dacookieman hits the nail on the head precisely here. Last night, I ran a build where I fought Polyphemus with the axe and zero magick regen 5 times, and consistently got wrecked. On the 6th time I was lucky enough to actually get a magick regen boon, and I destroyed him without taking a single hit.
This is obviously a HUGE difference. So why is the magick regen so important here? Because I can just stay the hell away from him.
Polyphemus , as mentioned above, is absolutely horrible against melee because of his attack pattern and wonky hitboxes. On the other hand, if you stay away from him? He can't do squat. He's like a tortoise with a chainsaw strapped to the back - dangerous yes, but easily defeatable by just moving away.
Polyphemus is far from the only boss with this issue. Almost all bosses have this problem to some degree (except Eris and Charybdis, possibly). Chronos 1st phase is especially bad. For these bosses, the consistent theme is "if you stay far enough away we cant actually hit you".
So this means that the best strategy is - time and time again - stay at range. And that means, ideally, you want to get some magick regen and a decent ranged cast. Then you just sit back, launch your omega casts over and over, and slowly destroy your opponents. And they can't really do anything to stop you.
Of course, the omega casts will cost magick, so the answer to this is to get some sortof magick regen - ideally Demeter, Apollo, Zeus or Hestia. And magick regen takes time, so this means your gameplay pattern looks like: Cast - run away - wait/regen magick - approach - repeat.
Its a horrible gameplay mechanic. It reminds me of FPS games in the 2000s where regenerating health was a thing and the "best" tactic was, after clearing a room, to just afk for 5 minutes while you got your health back.
And, because I know theres a bunch of people who insist on posting this, no, I do not need to "git gud". Being good or bad is irrelevant to negative design patterns.
There's also a ton of grind in this game (which, seperately, I'm not a massive fan of), but I want to add in here that I shouldnt be required to grind unlocks to be allowed to have fun. I genuinely enjoy doing Hades 1 fresh file runs - theyre hard, but I never feel like I'm unfairly punished. Hades 2 seem to have this attitude of "well, you're only allowed to have fun once you've put in ~20 hours and started unlocking the necessary upgrades".
When you design, you need to reward players for the patterns you want to see in the game. Doom "fixed" the health problem by allowing "Glory kills", ENCOURAGING the player to get knee deep in demons - the best gameplay choice was to play the game in the way the developers intended. At the moment, in Hades 2, the best gameplay choice is avoiding combat as much as possible and only jumping in briefly to throw out a spell.
This is also not helped by many of the areas being considerably larger, meaning that you have much more space to run away to.
Hades 1 didnt have magick, but it did have a god gauge. The god gauge powers up by damaging enemies - the gameplay loop you want to encourage. (also taking damage, but thats still promoting engaging enemies)
As the quote goes, "given the opportunity, players will optimize the fun out of a game". The optimal way to play Hades 2 is also the least fun way. Maybe you dont want to play optimally, thats fine. And maybe you think the game is fine the way it is - if you enjoy it, power to you. But for me, coming from the high intensity action of Hades 1 into this feels like I've been wading through honey. Sure its sweet, but its slow - and ultimately exhausting.

My first time posting and I just need to get this off my chest to have a better understanding. So buckle up this is going to be a long post… Names and dates have changed for protection of myself and others.
So back in 2013 I started college. I meet my core group of friends and one in particular had a very single good looking best friend. I was introduced to him. We hit it off! And ended up dating through college. We both graduated and got our degrees. There was a few hiccups that made the relationship rocky. Unfortunately we fell to the hiccups and our relationship ended in 2017. The years to follow I had asked my close friend about how he was doing and hoped all was well. I wished him nothing but the best and hoped he’d find someone to marry and have kids with. I had spoke to him once or twice after him and I had broke up. Once I found out he was dating someone I cut contact with him. By that I mean, I no longer texted him or reached out. We were more acquaintances than anything. I still had my ex’s family on Facebook after all these years. We ended things on good terms. The last thing he said to me was if you need anything give me a call. Well I would ask my friend how he was doing and what not. He told me he found a girl.(2021) I verbatim said I hope he is happy with her and hope she makes him happy. A year later they were engaged, married and had a kid all in less than a year.
I know I may sound odd/crazy for doing this. Hear me out. But when I heard they were expecting I sent them a baby gift addressed to the family. Note: I was also having very traumatic nightmares for like 2 years involving my ex. To the point I never thought they were going to go away. Also keep in mind by this point in our lives I have NOT spoken to or reached out in any way shape or form in nearly 4 years. So I thought for some dumb reason this would help the night mares go away. I boxed it up and mailed it. And I felt some type of weight lift off my shoulders. Why I couldn’t tell ya. Oddly enough nightmares stopped.
Fast forward to present day. I scrolled though my Facebook and notice my ex’s grandpa passed away on his moms side. I’m still friend with his mom on Facebook she is a very sweet kind Lady! She reminds me a lot of my own mom! Our friendship never really ended. We didn’t speak on a daily basis but still knew each other. So when I found out her father had passed away I reached out to her and shared my condolences and sympathy via private message. Note:(my own father has passed 2 years back. I can in a way relate to what she may or may not be feeling.) Everyone experience grief on multiple levels and in different ways. I kept the message very simple and to the point I quote “I’m so sorry to hear about your dad! my heart aches for you! Sending hugs!” Not but 30 min later I get a very unexpected nasty gram from my exes wife. In a very short sentence to sum up the whole “story” of her message is: “you have inserted yourself into our life multiple time on big events and it need to stop and you need to know your place. Have a great night. “ I have never spoken to this woman ever. Nor do I know who she is. And I know I haven’t inserted myself into thier life. she is putting me there and allowing the thought of me to take up space. I didn’t reply. Not because I don’t want to but because I don’t feel like wasting much more time on being nice to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. If you made it this far thanks for coming to by Ted talk.

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and his rakish nature might have broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
From the corner of my eye. I could see Dennis shifting uncomfortably. I refused to look directly at him, neglected to acknowledge Flo's introduction and continued to converse only with her. "So glad to see you, too! What have you been up to since we left the woods?"
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Oh, I had some drama after the show closed. I'll have to tell you about it some other time... Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel... excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled.) You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed a bit of concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. "Ohhhhh," he groaned, "I got you soooo sticky. So sweet. So moist." And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently as he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

My first time posting and I just need to get this off my chest to have a better understanding. So buckle up this is going to be a long post… Names and dates have changed for protection of myself and others.
So back in 2013 I started college. I meet my core group of friends and one in particular had a very single good looking best friend. I was introduced to him. We hit it off! And ended up dating through college. We both graduated and got our degrees. There was a few hiccups that made the relationship rocky. Unfortunately we fell to the hiccups and our relationship ended in 2017. The years to follow I had asked my close friend about how he was doing and hoped all was well. I wished him nothing but the best and hoped he’d find someone to marry and have kids with. I had spoke to him once or twice after him and I had broke up. Once I found out he was dating someone I cut contact with him. By that I mean, I no longer texted him or reached out. We were more acquaintances than anything. I still had my ex’s family on Facebook after all these years. We ended things on good terms. The last thing he said to me was if you need anything give me a call. Well I would ask my friend how he was doing and what not. He told me he found a girl.(2021) I verbatim said I hope he is happy with her and hope she makes him happy. A year later they were engaged, married and had a kid all in less than a year.
I know I may sound odd/crazy for doing this. Hear me out. But when I heard they were expecting I sent them a baby gift addressed to the family. Note: I was also having very traumatic nightmares for like 2 years involving my ex. To the point I never thought they were going to go away. Also keep in mind by this point in our lives I have NOT spoken to or reached out in any way shape or form in nearly 4 years. So I thought for some dumb reason this would help the night mares go away. I boxed it up and mailed it. And I felt some type of weight lift off my shoulders. Why I couldn’t tell ya. Oddly enough nightmares stopped.
Fast forward to present day. I scrolled though my Facebook and notice my ex’s grandpa passed away on his moms side. I’m still friend with his mom on Facebook she is a very sweet kind Lady! She reminds me a lot of my own mom! Our friendship never really ended. We didn’t speak on a daily basis but still knew each other. So when I found out her father had passed away I reached out to her and shared my condolences and sympathy via private message. Note:(my own father has passed 2 years back. I can in a way relate to what she may or may not be feeling.) Everyone experience grief on multiple levels and in different ways. I kept the message very simple and to the point I quote “I’m so sorry to hear about your dad! my heart aches for you! Sending hugs!” Not but 30 min later I get a very unexpected nasty gram from my exes wife. In a very short sentence to sum up the whole “story” of her message is: “you have inserted yourself into our life multiple time on big events and it need to stop and you need to know your place. Have a great night. “ I have never spoken to this woman ever. Nor do I know who she is. And I know I haven’t inserted myself into thier life. she is putting me there and allowing the thought of me to take up space. I didn’t reply. Not because I don’t want to but because I don’t feel like wasting much more time on being nice to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. If you made it this far thanks for coming to by Ted talk.

An associate of mine recently committed suicide. He was a Master Sergeant in the United States Air Force. On November 28, 2022, he went onto the Langley AFB in Hampton, Virginia and hung himself. When I heard of the sad news, I was in shock and disbelief and I was devastated! I hadn’t seen or heard from him in about four or five years but we had a history together. I cared for him as a friend.
I was an Air Force wife for about ten years. In 2011, my ex-husband and I had gotten stationed at Langley Air Force Base, in Hampton, Virginia. About four years later, in 2015, we met the Montalvos. We all hung out a few times, whether it was a movie, going out to eat or inviting them to cookouts at our home. I remember how Master Sergeant Octavio Montalvo used to always have me laughing so hard, every time we all hung out together. He had an animated way of describing situations and sharing how he would respond in those situations. He kept us laughing. These are bitter-sweet memories now because he’s gone in one of the worse ways imaginable! I heard of the situation leading up to his suicide and, the way he responded to it is, by no means, a laughing matter (at all)!
Suicide is a pain that never goes away! When we kill ourselves, we may escape our pain but we transfer it to everyone we leave behind, who is connected to us. The pain of loss that he escaped was transferred to his parents, wife, son, younger brother, sister and other close family members, as well as close and distant friends. As I stated earlier, I hadn’t spoken with Octavio in about four or five years and when I heard what happened, I broke down crying and then I wept. I wept for days afterward. I kept thinking to myself, “Not him! I can’t believe it. Not Montalvo!” I could’ve believed it to be anybody BUT…him! I remembered him as the happy, funny jokester. But life — one of the worst parts of life — got ahold of him and wouldn’t let go. So he let go. And he left behind a lot of broken hearts. What he did hurt people that he never thought it would hurt. It affected people that he didn’t believe cared. Over a month later, I shed tears as I wrote this blog about him. It still hurts. I hurt for him. I still keep thinking, “There’s no do-overs. He’s not coming back. It’s over”. And that’s so very, very, very, very sad to me!
We never know who we affect with our permanent absence from this earth. The lies in our head tell us that no one cares about us and that those we care about will be better off without us. I couldn’t tell Montalvo, but I want to take the opportunity to tell any suicidal person who reads this, to give it one more day! ONE MORE DAY! PLEASE! — ONE. MORE. DAY! I can promise you that time makes a difference! I’ve been there myself. I’ve lived the extremely reckless life, not caring and hoping to die. I’ve strongly desired to just fall asleep and not wake up again. I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights. And I’ve woken up crying, many times, with tears streaming down the sides of my face before I could even open my eyes from my sleep. I’ve overdosed. I’ve raced down the road going close to 100 miles per hour, beating the steering wheel and wanting to die. I’ve tried to buy a gun to blow my brains out. And I’ve tried to hang myself too — but the door broke. I wrestled with suicidal ideations and attempts for about twenty years. All I needed was one more day.
Tomorrow came and it didn’t get better. So, I needed one more day! The next day came and things were worse! So, I needed one more day! MY GOD!!!! I needed one more day! I wouldn’t be here, living a better life, had I succeeded in any of my suicidal attempts. I wouldn’t be here as a living testimony to the goodness that one more day brings. Somebody needs me! Somebody needs the hope of my life story. Somebody needs you too and they need the hope of your life story!
Oftentimes, it gets WAY worse, before it gets better. And that’s the truth! But, what’s also true is that, when it gets worse, it means that it’s about to get better! Maybe not today, tomorrow, next week or next year. But, I can guarantee you one thing: with Jesus, it has no choice but to get better! I’m remembering a quote from a prison inmate I used to correspond with. He said, “Tough times don’t last; tough people do”. You’re stronger than you think! You’ve been through worse! Everything you’ve been through has made you stronger … TOUGHER!
The Lord God, Yahweh, is training you for a battle that’s only suited for the best! You’re chosen and destined for a greatness that no one can fulfill like YOU can fulfill it! It’s like the Marines. Not just anyone can join and make it through the Marine Corp (or any other military branch)! You have to have GRIT! You have to be tough. And it starts with training the MIND! You’ve come way too far in life — in the training — to give up now! There is no turning back. So you may as well put another foot forward and take one more step. Rest, if you must, but don’t give up! Because it gets a whole lot better and, when life is at its hardest, that means a rest-break is right around the corner! You’re not as weak as you were when you first started. You have core strength now. Look back over your life and see how far you’ve come. You’ve said that you couldn’t make it before but you did! Your resume says that you’re a survivor. One of the few. One of the proud! Give it one more day because suicide is not the answer. Suicide is actually the pain that never goes away!
— NaTarsha Harris

For breakfast, I usually have a nutritious mix of yogurt, raisins, nuts, and a banana. The yogurt provides a creamy base rich in protein and probiotics, which is great for digestion and keeping you full through the morning. Raisins add a touch of natural sweetness and are packed with iron, while nuts like almonds and cashews contribute healthy fats and a satisfying crunch. A banana rounds it all off, offering a boost of potassium and energy to kickstart the day. Whether it's a relaxing Sunday morning greeting or a busy Tuesday morning greeting, this breakfast helps me stay energized. And, of course, with a good morning Friday quote to inspire the start of the weekend, it’s the perfect way to fuel up for any day of the week.

My wedding was this past Saturday, and everything was amazing EXCEPT my florals. I was quoted $7,000 and my floral vision, inspo and moodboard was consistent the whole process.
Color Palette: We wanted a bright, light and pastel pink and white with light blue accents. It was a spring vibe that incorporated our favorite colors (pink and blue). We got peaches, yellow, dusty pink and LAVENDAR.
Quality: The roses were obviously starting to brown. You can see the age. This is crazy to me bc she claims to only do one wedding a weekend, so there shouldn't be any old flowers.
Petal Toss: She told me she would provide cones for the petal toss. On the wedding day, the coordinator asked me where my cones were. They then scrambled and simply asked the venue bar for plastic cups, which looked so obviously cheap and unplanned.
Staircase: We were supposed to have florals traveling up the staircase and bottom heavy with lots of candles. We got florals on ONE side covering the last TWO steps.
Fireplace/Mantle: We were supposed to get assymmetrical arrangement with "traveling" greenery for an organic look. We got one table centerpiece-size floor arrangement and a 12" greenfoam block of flowers on the top. No natural greens at all.
Ceremony aisle: There were supposed to be 7 arrangments lining the center aisle. These were supposed to be tall, then repurposed as tall center pieces. She made LOW table centerpieces only and DIDN'T put them out for the ceremony???
Arch: Heavy florals and minimal greens. The flowers we got here were 50% of the volume we were promised.
Tables: We were supposed to get a variety of bus vases, small votives and tapered candles for every table in addition to the floral center piece that was "repurposed" from ceremony. Each candle had three tapered candles randomly placed.
Welcome sign: $100 for FIFTEEN stems of flowers (half of them were carnations, which are cheap). No greenery to provide coverage. She also blocked my husband's name and my BRIDESMAIDS had to rearrange the flowers so both names were readable.
I am a vendor in the wedding industry and am familiar with what a larger floral budget could get us. Her work was no more than $4,000 in my professional opinion. I was beyond disappointed. Although the arrangements were pretty and guests loved them, they were not what was promised. Instead of peonies, roses, sweet peas, and delphiniums (lush petal florals), we got roses, carnations, lilacs and some other ones that I don't recognize and like bc they look like wildflowers, which was what I have exclusively stated I hated.
I'm currently on my way to drop off florals for my resin floral preservation artist bc I paid for it, but the reminder of the flowers I did NOT get will be disappointing 🥲. I've yet to contact my florist. I'm waiting to recieve a few photos from my dear colleague and photographer friend so I can send them as a reference. I let every vendor know though. My florist probably already knows too because she did not talk to me AT ALL on the wedding day. My coordinator is also buddy-buddy with her, and I let her know my complete disappointment. She may have communicated it already first.

So Season 36 is in the books. Kind of crazy that there have been 36 seasons of the show now. Now I honestly had no idea until after the premiere that this season was in fact filmed before 35, and was still sort of a Covid season, with no airports and staggered start times, as well as an abnormal route. While this season wasn’t as restrictive as the last few before 35, it was still noticeable. Not leaving the Americas was rough, but I think they did a decent job of it. They still had a lot of cool locations to work with, I especially enjoyed the Caribbean legs in Barbados and the Dominican Republic, two places we’ve never seen and a region we’ve only seen maybe twice in the whole show (Jamaica is the only other Caribbean location I recall). The challenges were overall not too bad. They’re still not quite what they used to be but I think they’ve improved in that regard recently. They really need to work on the Detours though, there were some this season that seemed so insanely unbalanced (The Jeep one in leg 3 seemed impossible). As for the cast, I really liked it. No gimmick teams at all, just a lot of normal people. Even though about half of these teams could have been first boot material on many other seasons (it took us until the final 6 on a 13 team season to be left with competent teams), it led to some extreme entertainment in the early legs getting to see some amazing incompetence. The winners were satisfying, even if very anticlimactic. Overall, this was a decent season, somewhere in the middle of the rankings. The biggest drag on it was probably the longer episodes. This season was filmed as a regular, 60 minute episode season, and most of these episodes could really drag and had obvious filler in them. Anyway, lets get to the teams.

1. Maya & Rohan: Just like last season, the superfans were gone first. Not a great look for that demographic, and a stark reminder of how knowledge of the show means almost nothing. They were really sweet and it was great to see how excited they were to be on the show, especially Rohan. It honestly does kinda suck to finally go on the Amazing Race and then be the first out and only go to Mexico. What did them in was bad navigation, especially on the way to the first clue. Getting stuck at the dead end and having to turn around was quite funny. Not much else to say, having to fight for screentime with 12 other teams is hard.
   
2. Chris & Mary: I have to say I liked casting a team like this. They kinda stopped doing it for a while with a bunch of young influencer casts but going back to having some sacrificial lamb teams that just have no chance is great. Seriously they must have cast them knowing they’d go quick because I don’t think Chris would be able to handle a lot of the physicality we saw in this season, even in the next leg climbing up all those steps. When he fell right at the starting line I knew it was gonna be rough, and then in their boot episode he almost vomited just from walking around. They were very sweet though, they had a cute relationship and Mary was so nice and patient with him. I think they knew they were never going to win and were just trying to enjoy themselves. Despite being extremely weak physically, what slowed them down a lot was bad navigation, and I think they definitely could have survived the leg had they done a little better in that regard. Anyways, they were a good addition to the season and I think fulfilled the role casting wanted them to have
   
3. Anthony & Bailey: I loved these guys. Yes I’m sure some people don’t like them for how woefully bad and nonchalant they were at the race, but once again they were probably cast for their entertainment value, which they had. All their airhead moments were very funny to me, and it was enjoyable to just see them bumble around for a few legs. Even I was surprised how early they went though, I thought they were athletic enough to last until the final 8 or so, but their indecisiveness at the Detour is what killed them. The Detour that episode was insanely imbalanced, the Jeep Detour seemed extremely difficult, I just have no idea why they went back to it without even trying the cooking. Had they not done that they almost certainly would have survived the leg. I was really hoping to see them and their antics for a bit longer, but they were just so incompetent they had to go. They made a fun addition to the first three episodes though.
   
4. Michelle & Sean: The fact they lasted as long as they did showed what a trainwreck season this was. From being bad jumping through ropes despite owning a double dutch business, to doing the challenges out of order, to taking forever to go down a hill, to the disaster of their last leg, they were BAD. They were perfectly fine people, but man in terms of the race they had nothing going for them. They were weak physically, mentally, and navigationally. Ultimately what did them in was Michelle being totally lost at the Roadblock. I don’t even think she ever finished it from the looks of it. I did feel bad for Sean going down the hill because you could tell he was genuinely terrified, but it’s the Amazing Race, and having to watch that was kind of pathetic. Having Phil jump rope after they were eliminated was cute. Once again though, perfectly fine people and it was fun to watch them bumble through a few legs, but they never had a chance.
   
5. Kishori & Karishma: Very fun team. I definitely see why people didn’t like them as they could be quite annoying, but I mostly found them entertaining. Definitely wasn’t rooting for them, but it was clear they really had no shot. They just brought a general level of silliness to a season that was already full of a lot of silliness and incompetence. It’s honestly impressive they lasted as long as they did, given how incompetent they were. They just messed up a lot of little things, like not putting on the outfit for the roadblock in the first leg or skipping a clue in leg 2. By the time their last leg came around they just couldn’t keep up with the competition, their slowness at the Roadblock especially is what did them in. Think they went at the perfect time, I think they definitely could have started to get more on my nerves if they lasted longer.
   
6. Derek & Shelisa: One of my favorite teams of the season. At first I was rooting for them because they seemed like a likable older couple, and I’m always a sucker for older teams. But then as time went on I started to like them for a different reason: It became evident how much Derek sucks. Despite talking a big game and acting all macho, Derek was an extremely incompetent and poor player. Just to hear him talk himself up so much and then fail at almost everything their last few legs, especially the last one was great. He got lost all the time (that was probably on Shelisa too though) and then just sucked at some of those challenges, like the throwing Detour in their last leg, and then he even was tapping out at the bike Detour they switched too! And whatever chance they still had was gone after he struggled so much at the Roadblock. Shelisa seemed perfectly fine though and had the patience of a saint dealing with this guy. I don’t think Derek is a bad guy or anything though, but I kinda enjoyed seeing him get some humble pie.
   
7. Sunny & Bizzy: A fun underdog team. Basically their whole time in the race they were at the back of the pack, but the fact they hung on as long as they did was quite impressive. They had some clutch moments where they were able to save themselves from a likely elimination, like in legs 4 and 5 where they were in a pretty clear last and were able to make up ground at the roadblock. They had perhaps the funniest moment of this season when they failed miserably at the Detour in leg 4, with, and I quote, “Mama rat took baby rat skiing around the world, they did some yoga, and that was a positive experience.” That was priceless. They were just a badass team all around, being two firefighter moms. Ultimately though their biggest weakness was navigation, and by their last leg the competition was just too tough for them to keep up, especially with how much they struggled to find the Detour clue.
   
8. Angie & Danny: They will probably go down as one of the most unfair eliminations in Amazing Race history. The fact that they got delayed up to 90 minutes because of a production error was absolutely ridiculous, and they honestly should have gotten some sort of time credit or non-elimination for it, even though I’m sure that would have messed up the rest of the race. It sucks even more that this happened to such a likable and rootable team. Danny was probably one of the strongest individual race players we’ve ever seen, being amazing with directions and good at basically every challenge he did. Angie was definitely along for the ride, and she struggled quite a bit with being able to keep up and in Roadblocks, but I do think she improved as the race went on. I was always skeptical of their alliance with Amber & Vinny and Rod & Leticia, but ultimately it seems like it was the right idea as the other two teams did help them a few times when I thought they would just ditch them when the tables were turned. I really hope they, or at least Danny with somebody else, can come back because his love for the race and wonderful personality and attitude really were a bright spot in this somewhat mediocre season.
   

5th. Yvonne & Melissa: Despite lasting so long on a season with 90 minute episodes, there’s really not much I can say about them. Historically shows like Survivor and to a lesser extent The Amazing Race have had some pretty uneven edits that just shaft some teams, but with more equitable attitudes now and longer runtimes we have seen these shows get a lot more even handed with their edits. But Yvonne & Melissa were basically the one exception this season, and I’m not sure why. My biggest guess is that 1. They just weren’t that interesting and 2. They were always in the middle of the pack. They mentioned this in their last leg that they were purposefully flying under the radar and being quiet, which doesn’t really translate well to TV. And the middle of the pack always gets the least attention in an episode, especially early on in the season, and the fact that literally every leg they were smack dab in the middle just really hurt them. In leg 3 I don’t think they had any airtime at all. They were fine though, they were nice enough and a little snarky which I liked. I just wish they told their story a little more, like in their last leg when Melissa just dropped that she did security for Joe Biden, like what?? Either way though they really had no chance on their last leg after the first roadblock. There was very little opportunity to pass teams after that, even though they weren’t too far behind Amber & Vinny so had they finished the baseball roadblock a little faster they might have been able to pull it out. Their elimination episode was just a little anticlimactic because I just knew there was no way such an invisible team would be in the finale.
4th. Amber & Vinny: My guess is that this was the most disliked team this season, but I didn’t mind them. It’s funny because I used to hate all the fighting couples on the Amazing Race, but now to have one again is kind of a breath of fresh air, just like on Survivor there’s just so much positivity on the show now that it’s a little boring/annoying sometimes. To be clear as well, Amber & Vinny didn’t even fight that bad, but they did have some good drama moments. I don’t think Vinny is a bad guy but he seems to just naturally be kind of an asshole, but you can see him try to fight that and reign it in. Amber seemed nice if a little sensitive, which combined with Vinny’s personality led to lots of the arguments. They did seem to love each other and the proposal when they were eliminated was cute. As for what did them in, they had almost no margin for error on their last leg. Having the staggered start times on a leg with little opportunity to make up time put them at a disadvantage, and they were just a little too slow, especially at the drink making detour. If they had just done that a little better they likely would have pulled ahead of Ricky & Cesar. It was for the best though because even though I didn’t dislike this team I was definitely rooting for Ricky & Cesar more in that matchup.

1. Rod & Leticia: Surprisingly ended up being my favorite team this season. Ricky & Cesar just weren’t as fun for me, and I honestly wasn’t that crazy about Angie so she dragged that team down a little bit. At the start I didn’t think much of these two, with Rod seemingly like just some jock and Leticia seeming pretty shallow. But as time went on I began to really like these two, Leticia proved to be a pretty smart individual and Rod’s personality and positivity was just infectious. His work-hard play-hard attitude was just great, in many cases it wasn’t his big muscles that pushed him through but just a strong drive and determination. They were an extremely well functioning couple, knowing each other’s strengths and weaknesses and using that to their advantage, and they almost never lost their patience with each other. I was really rooting for them to win, but given Rod’s status as an NFL player I doubt they needed the money as much so it was okay. What did them in was a final leg not designed for their strong suits, as it ended with two straight memory challenges and then a puzzle, with them not doing great at any of them, especially Rod at the Declaration of Independence challenge, it seemed like they were there a LONG time, given that Juan & Shane went to another state and were still able to pass them later on. Really fun team though.
   
2. Juan & Shane: Nice guys. Unfortunately not much more to say than that. They were probably the team I wanted to win the least out of the final 3, but it didn’t come from any dislike. It’s just we had just seen the young fit guys win the race, and I was ready for something different. They had a cool story though and you could just tell what great friends these guys were. They got along and knew how to work with each other, which likely came from being in the military together. I really liked Juan in particular, he definitely seemed to carry the team more than Shane, was a really down to earth guy, and had an interesting story about his upbringing in Colombia, which I wish we had learned more about. These guys were a very well rounded team who performed well basically through the whole race, and I think they would have gotten more credit for that had they not been overshadowed by the race monsters that were Ricky & Cesar. Their decision to do the seaweed detour in Barbados was an especially good decision that likely saved them that leg. They definitely would have had a shot the last leg though had they not gotten so lost finding the cheesesteak restaurants, which was basically entirely the fault of that random guy saying they were pizza places, lol. The fact that they went all the way to New Jersey and still rebounded for a second place finish was very impressive though.
   
3. Ricky & Cesar: The most dominant team in Amazing Race history? Seriously, it was insane how these guys absolutely dominated from start to finish, with the one exception of the second to last leg where they had a close call with Amber & Vinny after really struggling at the windsurfing roadblock. Other than that it’s hard to think of many other times they even somewhat struggled, I guess maybe the rally car challenge in the megaleg? But the fact they were able to beast at such a wide variety of challenges was super impressive, especially in a 13 team season, never finishing outside the top 3, and only once outside the top 2 is insane. They were such a nice team too, they were so sweet and friendly to everyone they interacted with, they were huge fans of the race, and were always so humble despite the way they dominated the race. Even though they could be a little dull at times, and having to basically always watch them in a fairly commanding first got a little tiresome. But they absolutely deserved this win more than anyone else, and to hear they would use the money to start a family was such a sweet ending.
   

I was just looking through the Sweet vs. Cardona FAQ on the PPSL website and saw the below quotes there. These have probably been on the site for a while and I'm just noticing it.
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"I am a Class Member or Post-Class Applicant who attended a Corinthian school (Everest, Wyotech, or Heald). Does the Department of Education’s group discharge announcement for all Corinthian loans affect my eligibility for Sweet relief?
On June 1, 2022 – shortly before the parties in the Sweet case reached a settlement – the Department announced that it would cancel all outstanding loans related to Corinthian schools, including for people who had not already applied for borrower defense.
Class Members who applied for borrower defense for their Corinthian-related loans will have their loans discharged through the Corinthian group discharge process announced by the Department of Education on June 1, 2022. These individuals will receive the same relief as other Class Members in the automatic discharge group (full discharge, refunds of payment to the Department, and deletion of the credit tradeline), but they will receive their relief according to a different schedule.
If you are a Class Member who attended one of these schools before Corinthian ownership, your application will be placed into the decision group, and you will receive a decision within the applicable time frame.
If you are a Post-Class Applicant who attended Everest, Heald, or Wyotech, you will receive relief through the Corinthian group discharge process and will not have to wait for a decision on your BD application.
If you are a Corinthian borrower who has not yet received a discharge of your Corinthian loans, we are interested in hearing from you. Please visit our Get Help page."
&
"I am a Class Member or Post-Class Applicant who attended ITT Tech, Westwood College, or a CollegeAmerica location in Colorado. Do the Department of Education’s group discharge announcements for those schools change my relief under the settlement?
If you are a Class Member, the Department of Education’s announcements about ITT, Westwood, and certain CollegeAmerica students receiving cancellation of their federal student loans do not change the relief that you will receive. Because ITT, Westwood, and CollegeAmerica are all on the settlement agreement’s Exhibit C list, you are still considered part of the automatic discharge group and you should have received Full Settlement Relief by January 28, 2024. If you still have not received Full Settlement Relief, please let know by filling out the Relief Survey.
If you are a Post-Class Applicant and you are eligible for the ITT, Westwood, or CollegeAmerica group discharge, you should receive relief through the Department’s group discharge process for your school and will not have to wait for a decision on your BD application. If you are a Post-Class Applicant who has not yet received a discharge of your ITT, Westwood, or CollegeAmerica loans, we are interested in hearing from you. Please visit our Get Help page. "
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If you attended these schools, are post class, and have not received discharge please visit the get help pages linked above and fill out the intake forms. They want to know more. The more information they have then the more they can do something about it. Below is the link to the FAQ page.
https://www.ppsl.org/sweet-v-cardona-class-members

My MIL needs constant attention and validation from everyone around her. She’s very insecure and says she has a “low threshold for boredom” (aka she can’t be alone with herself), so it’s on other people to entertain her. She’ll post something on Facebook and then ask if we saw it, ask the same compliment phishing questions, etc. Literally lays it on so thick: I appreciate it when you call, text, visit or comment SOOO much (they live 2 hours away), and I hope it becomes more frequent!! It’s literally very frequent for how insanely busy we are in this season of life.
She’s always texting DH guilt tripping him to try and see us more, phishing for compliments, or photos of what we’re doing. She’ll ask for an opinion on something he’s already told her is beautiful or great, etc. Or how she is sad and needs to see the sun, or do something, or can we get dinner last minute (he usually doesn’t tell me of these requests and says no on my behalf). Demanding snapchats of what he’s doing or where he’s traveling for work, sending a million snapchats of what she’s doing. It’s just CONSTANT.
She has a husband and SO many friends!! She’s crazy active! It is NEVER enough. We could see her every other week and it wouldn’t be enough. She is a bottomless pit of needing attention and validation.
DH just doesn’t respond sometimes (and tells me not to). He knows “she’s a lot” and I think he’s embarrassed by it because my mom is normal and lets us live our life. Honestly, she doesn’t engage me that much bc I’ve had to intentionally pull away for my own sanity. My DH is really sensitive (and is a very thoughtful compassionate person), so i know he does feel bad when she guilt trips him and gives in and gives her the attention she wants.
As mentioned, it infrequently effects me directly…but it irks me that she puts DH in this position all the time (and his quote “she’s been this way since middle school”). So you’ve been guilt tripping your child for his attention because you have a gaping hole in your life that probably needs therapy? since he was 9? Great.
I want to just sit back and let him handle his relationship with his mom but also feel mad at her and protective over him! Stop manipulating my sweet husband and your adult son to be another emotional crutch for you (especially when you have your own husband and friends you’re constantly reaching out to). Do I just bite my tongue and try not to be annoyed or do I try to politely let him know that I think it’s unfair she puts him in this position? I guess my goal would just be for him to stand up to the guilt tripping a little bit and shut her down vs enabling it. Let me know what you think

I know a lot of really sweet teenagers, but I just can’t get along with most of them. Not because I don’t like them but I just can’t relate for some reason.
I’m not saying I’m mature for my age, I think I’m actually quite childish for my age and I’m not the smartest either which is odd considering i only really like talking to older people. It’s so hard because obviously I can’t just be friends with middle aged woman as a teenager, but I wish I could. I get along with them so well, I’ve always preferred to talk to teachers than any student in any class.
I feel like an old lady when I go home and have to Google their gibberish language, they just quote memes all day long and make random sexual jokes about anything. Is this just a gen z thing? I just want to have a normal conversation about something interesting.

Hello everyone.
I've been following this subreddit for a while now. And just wanted to share my mostly positive experience of being on this medicine.
Coming to the psychiater that prescribed me Lexapro I already had 20mg of Seroxat and 75mg of Seroquel in my system with the occasional benzo. He firstly upped my Seroxat to 40mg to see if it would help me but it didn't. Then he got me down to 20mg again and did a crosstaper to Lexapro.
Now this crosstapering happened in two weeks or so. I was scared beyond belief to change it since I been on Seroxat for most of my life. Eventually I just surrendered and jumped on to the new medicine. This went easier then I expected with just a few rough patches getting to 10mg Lexapro. Looking back it went way smoother than I expected.
But, I wasn't on my sweet spot dose. So after the initial 4 to 6 week of suck I had to move up to 15mg. This got me in another 4 to 6 week of suck. And yes, this wasn't my sweet spot as well so again... To 20mg another 4 to 6 weeks of hell.
Now I was familiar with the initial stage of the medicine's notorious starting phase. But I was drinking a can of whoopass constantly now. And the occasional benzo turned into daily benzo use to cope with the confused state I was in.
Anyway, I wasn't done yet because my main problem was the Seroquel making me eat at night at such a rate I was falling asleep on the couch with icecream stuck to my leg and on the couch and the ground. This wasn't doing me any favors...
So, he put me on pregabalin 300mg to help me with anxiety which I still experience often, especially when quitting Seroquel. This medicine by the way is an absolute anxiety killer. I love the stuff, except that it's quite the heavy medication as I've seen on youtube. Anyway, it does work very well using it as described by the psychiater.
He left his work though, so I got a new psychiater. This one suggested me crosstapering my Seroquel to Truxal. I was hesitant because I was scared doing anything to my Seroquel since I spiral into a complete mental breakdown when I do. But right now I am off Seroquel for a week or so and doing Truxal instead.
And so far, it's been going well. I do wake up at night and eat only a banana. It didn't completely stop my night time binging but it's way less than with Seroquel. I am still on the road to recovery but I'm happy with the progress up until now.
What I've learned so far:

• I've suffered way more by panicking in my mind than there actually being any danger or anxiety.
• Never use Seroquel for anything. It's the devil's drug.
• The side effects will subside, don't worry about them. It's just the medicine doing it's work. It's normal for a medicine like this to take a while to start.
• Yes, it's absolutely worth the reasonable big effort and trouble it takes to get on.
• Let your surrounding people know that you are on this stuff and that it's going be hard for you.
• If it happens that it's getting all a bit too much to handle, let people around you know about it. The comfort they can offer is sometimes just enough to pull through. If not, don't be afraid to take a benzodiazepine for the occasion. And to build on that, write down in a journal that you were absolutely hopeless and when the benzo kicks in, write down how relaxed, calm and out of trouble you feel. It shows you that from any state that you are in, it IS possible to get calm again.
• The horrible feeling you might be in is not STATIC. It will always change and fluctuate between bad and good.
• Lexapro isn't a medicine you take and never experience a bad feeling again. I still sometimes have a rough day when the dream side effect gets me.. (it's become less over time, but still.)
• If you need some comforting words, look up stoic quotes. They resonated very well with me. I'd recommend Montaigne, Epictetus and Seneca.
• If you take Lexapro, please continue taking care of yourself. A short workout is better than no workout, a day of healthy eating is better than a day binging bad stuff. I can honestly say that ignoring the fact that you take Lexapro and let it just do it's thing behind the screen and you taking over in your life by doing stuff like going out, meeting friends, walking in nature, practicing guitar, watching a movie, playing a game... Is extremely helpful and beneficial, no matter how small the act you do may be. It causes distraction for you.
• Take things easy in the beginning. For workouts I do low impact. This is doable for me, and I can do it again the next day. Furthermore it makes me feel good about myself. 15/30/45 minutes, it doesn't matter, anything my energy allows me to do. 15 minutes of workout is absolutely not wasted time and effort!!!! (I do workouts by The Body Project, they are on YouTube as well. I love a boxing bag as well or a mace bell training)
• Walking through the woods and feeling a bit down? Quickly look at the tops of the trees one by one while walking. This stops your thinking and soon enough you will feel better. Not only because of doing this, but the nature will help as well. (I'd have called you a fool for thinking that, until I tried it myself). Maybe try listening to some softening classical music, or lo-fi. Sometimes they have lo-fi for your favorite tunes. There is a Zelda lo-fi playlist I really like because it was nostalgic for me. Just try it out!
• Healthy eating and drinking is so so so so so important. If you help your body by doing that, it will reward you for it. Yes, just like the Lexapro it might take a while, but again... It's so worth it.
• Finally, knowing this subreddit and that the people on here are on the same journey as me helps me cope with the bad day I sometimes have. People here know exactly what you, and I go through. Don't be afraid to vent on here and let us know how you feel. Sometimes even that can be enough to feel a slight relief.

Ok so that's it for me so far. I'm still on my journey to get better, and maybe, perhaps eventually, medicine free. As that is my goal in this life, and I am going to take my time getting there on my pace and when I feel ready to do so. Good luck on your journey, I know you can do it just like I did.