Quiz does husband hate you | | Thanks I Hate It

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ElectronicMoon1676 posting in AskALawyer
Likely Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Medium
Original - 13th May 2024
Update1 - 15th May 2024
Update2 - 23rd May 2024

Mother wants to legally force me to live with her even though I am 39.

So my mother (60) has always had a flair for dramatics and will convince herself of things that are just not true, and of course her brothers (my uncles) think it’s hilarious and will get her worked up even more, while making fun of her for being so gullible behind her back. I cut her out of my life 4 years ago. We are in Michigan. Someone I trust in the family came to me with concerns that my mother may lie to try to get conservatorship over me.
Here is what I know. Her current belief is that I am an unemployed alcoholic living in my car and being taken advantage of by evil men from the political party that she hates. This is not true. I have a place, pay my bills and had a full-time job last time we spoke. I did leave that job but I also returned to school full time on GI Bill, which includes a stipend for living expenses, and found a sweet part-time job, in an air conditioned office, on campus. As far as I know she has no idea I am back in school and I haven’t told anyone in my family, even the ones I trust, what is going on in my life.
Problem is that she lost her job of over 20 years during a mass lay off sometime since we last spoke. These new coworkers haven’t known her long enough to recognize how she doesn’t keep her stories straight or how she flip-flops things around. Basically she has led everyone she works with to believe I am only in my early-mid 20’s and haven’t quite finished my “teenage rebellion phase”, and she is a good mommy who just wants to save her baby from the evil political party.
They have all been “helping her with “research””, and believe because I have a disability rating from the VA, it means I am mentally incompetent. It does not at all mean that. Now I am positive that none of them actually understand how a VA disability rating actually works, my mother likely lied to them about it. Her new friends believe she can have me declared incompetent, force me to live with her for monitoring, and finally take control of my finances thus getting control of my disability payments. I have an 80 rating which is currently just under $2000 a month.
My concern isn’t that my mother could prove I am incompetent but it’s that she could use court proceedings to get a hold of my address, school, or work place. I guess my question is about rules of discovery when it comes to conservatorship cases. Can my mother or any lawyer willing to take her case on actually get ahold of my personal info I don’t want her to have?
If I provide courts with documents proving my competence and ability to care for myself, do I have the right to ask the court to seal or redact any information or documents with info I don’t want her getting? She sabotaged me going to college around 20 years ago and I don’t want to go through that again. I am assuming that the first person I would ever have to deal with would be a social worker, and I want to know if I have any legal recourse to prevent the social worker from sharing my info with my mother?

Comments

530_Oldschoolgeek
See if your college has some kind of free legal aid service they can direct you to, and explain this to them. They might be able to point you in the direction to get low cost or free legal services so an attorney can send your mother a cease and desist letter along with filing for a restraining order in such a manner as to not disclose your current whereabouts.
They might also have other ideas that will curtail any attempt by her to try to put a conservatorship in place.

OOP: I just checked and they don’t. But, silly me forgot, the VA clinic in my city has a social worker on site. I used her once for a medical power of attorney. But I bet she could either help me herself or get me to the right resource.

Stunning-Interest15
Not a lawyer, but they pay me a shit ton of money to handle stuff like this as a private investigator. Here's my take.
Yes. Her lawyer will hire an investigator to find all of your information. They will pay online databrokers for your file and they will get WAY more than your address. (Everything. They will get everything. If you fucked up and said that thought you didn't want people knowing about, they will find that out.)
Any of that information that can then be found on Google is a public record since it's already on the public Internet. Your address is almost certainly among that data.
No court can sanction public information. Even if they could, the internet is forever and it's already out there.
So, bad news there. The good news is that you're a grown ass woman and the courts are not going to give her a conservatorship just because you have PTSD. You are in no danger of anything other than your mom showing up on your doorstep unannounced.

OOP: How likely are lawyers and private investigators to take on someone without the ability to pay. Do they have the ability to check credit scores. My mother is terrible with money. My brother confessed to me that she “sold the house” she bought with her third husband a little while after their divorce. By brother insinuated that she was in a bad way with money. I know that when I was 20 and she was 40, I had a better credit score than her. I went to buy a used car and she said she would have to co-sign cuz I was too young to have a good credit score. Turned out I got a better rate without her co-signing. Makes me wonder how bad someone’s credit has to be that you are detrimental to a loan as a co-signer.

Update - 2 days later

I tried to update the original post and couldn’t, and the update comment I left got buried at the bottom.
Backstory: Mother wanted me declared incompetent to gain control of me and my veteran disability payments.
So I talked with another family member who confirmed what the first said. Everyone is angry because I wasn’t suppose to find out what happened because “they were handling it”. I refused to tell who told me, which is causing more anger but whatever. So this situation had resolved itself last week. My mother was talking a big game about how she was calling lawyers and Adult Protective Services. After a few days she started trashing on all lawyers and saying that APS was wasting taxpayer dollars.
Apparently she has forgotten all about this whole mess. Her job got a new summer internet and my mother is obsessed. Every conversation anyone has with her is about this guy. My poor grandma has to have no less than a one hour conversation with my mother everyday about this guy. The guy comes from a lot of money, which in the end was what I think she wanted with me. This guy just turned 20 and my mother is 60.

Comments

homer_lives
That sounds like a win for now. Most likely, APS "laughed" her out of the room. I would avoid contact since she sounds Manic, going from one scheme or idea to another.
shhh_its_me
Sounds like Mom needs a guardian
DredgenCyka
If I had a nickel for everytime I heard of someone's mom trying to force their 100% VA disabled veteran son or daughter to live with them by declaring them incompetent for self care, I'd have about 25 to 30 cents. It's just weird that it's happened that many times, and it's sad. Stay away from her, and thank you for your service!

Update - 8 days later

TLDR of my previous post was that my mother wanted to have me declared incompetent so she could get control of my veteran disability payments and force me to come live with her. I went no contact like 4 years ago. Her plan was to make up wild stories about me and it didn’t go her way. Now she is obsessed with this new intern at her job that comes from money, and seems to have forgotten all about her plan.
I was able to squeeze in meeting with the social worker who works at my VA clinic. I gave her the run down and even showed her my two previous posts. She thought it was kinda funny. She informed me that if a state SW were to be informed of a veteran in a need they would reach out to the VA and she would likely be a first point of contact.
She said that no one from the county or state has contacted her about me yet, but she would make a note. Apparently, the whole Britney Spears conservatorship has made a lot of people think it’s super easy to get conservatorships. She said some people think they will get paid a lot of money to do it. Her best guess is that if my mother did call, it was explained to her how complex the process is and that I would be guided to the VA to receive treatment first, before declaring me incompetent. She did agree with many of the comments that said my mother could find me pretty easily if she really wanted to.
The SW use to work at the state office and while she didn’t work at adult protective services but she had friends and coworkers who did. Money seemed to her to be a really big factor in how hard people fought to get conservatorship. She was surprisingly compassionate towards my mother and said sometimes parents just get worried and worry makes people do stupid things. She said some parents have a hard time adjusting to their children becoming adults and moving out.
Sometimes it’s because they are losing child support, or they’re losing the person who did all the chores, or because they just don’t want to face reality that their baby grew up. And these parents will lash out at the world instead of accepting the truth. She told me about a case a friend of hers had where the parents of an adult woman who had moved out couldn’t face reality. Her parents had been relying on her to do all the housework and raise her brothers. With her gone, everything fell apart at home.
These parents blamed their daughter who had moved out instead of taking responsibility for their own lives Her friend was so stressed by the case because she got yelled at by the parents almost daily about how the state needed to force their daughter to move back in with them. They never got their wish and almost lost their other kids. A grandparent found out what was happening and stepped up to set the parents straight.
Someone had messaged me saying my post was blowing up on social media and I went looking for it and couldn’t find it. They pointed out my family could see it, but I’ve decided I don’t care if they do.
So basically, if my mother really wants to find me she can, but the conservatorship isn’t that easy to get, and I know my mother well enough to know she doesn’t have the patience, or money needed to pursue this anymore. Also there seems to be a lot of rules surrounding conservatorship that I don’t think my mother would have liked following. So I should be good for a while.

Comments

OOP in response to a deleted comment (presumably about the intern)

A far as I know he still works there and she is still obsessed.

DredgenCyka
You should still remain in No Contact with your mom. This will still make it difficult to gain conservatorship over you. I also don't think the VA hospital will pronounce you incompetent at all unless you lost limbs or went into a vegetative state from a concussive blast, in addition 100% Disabled ≠ Incompetent to manage youre own life. Hopefully, the VA will become an advocacy group for you, im also pretty sure the VA offers lawyers to their veterans. You can ask about that if your mom steps out of line.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

We’ve been married for 3 years and together for 7. We have a 4 year old together and I am 7.5 months pregnant. He also has a 12 year old son that lives with us 50% of the time. I work full-time and some hours as a nurse practitioner and he is a dental hygienist working 4 days a week. We’ve been to therapy in the past 2x. First time was premarital counseling with a woman that was a patient of his (which in my opinion was a biased setting to begin with, but didn’t really help anyway). Second time I let him choose therapist because I was already on the verge of leaving… so, he picked a black middle-aged male and after 6 or so sessions my husband said he didn’t like the therapist because he felt the therapist was only concerned about my feelings. We split our bills about 50-50, but if I’m completely honest, I probably spend more due to groceries, necessities, insurance, etc. I don’t wait on him to take out the trash or bring the trash bins in after trash day. He does not do anything extra for me such as wash my car or fill up my tank. But he does move my car on trash days so I don’t get a ticket. I do most of the cooking now a days, majority of the cleaning, all the laundry, and make sure our younger one is bathed and in bed by a timely manner. My stepson is obviously more attached to my husband, so he takes the reins when it comes to him. However, his stepson does poorly in school academically, he is constantly in trouble with school where we get phones calls and emails weekly about fights, disrespecting teachers, etc, and the school does not want him back next year. I’ve expressed my concerns about his behavior and lack of consequences that follow but nothing has changed. He is finishing 6th grade and has the math skills of maybe a 4th grader and reading comprehension of 4th grade level. He has ADHD but his mom and dad have yet to get him assessed, put him in therapy on medication although I’ve expressed how important this is plenty of times. Now we are planning on paying an additional $1200 per month to put him in a private school next year without any type of evaluation first. Summer is around the corner and I’d prefer he be in an educational summer program but instead he will be in Florida for 3 weeks on vacation and probably a sports summer camp when he returns… not only does he perform well below average in school, he has a poor attitude, does not help around the house, talks back, and has everything a child can dream of (vacations, BMX bikes, skateboards, surf board, snowboard, phone, and constant outings such as beach and camping trips) this is extremely frustrating because he does not work for anything and in my opinion, these are all privileges that should be earned.
Outside of our children… I work 4 day shifts per week and 1-2 night shifts per week. I make dinner roughly 3-4x, a week, breakfast when I can and clean up the kitchen afterwards. I’ll order food when I feel exhausted or don’t have time to cook and of course my days off are used to grocery shop and clean the house. I’m constantly moving because I hate a dirty home, mind you… our home is not squeaky clean what so ever but it’s not filthy. We are cluttered by my husband’s habit of buying little trinkets and starting home projects and not finishing. He loves to work outside in the backyard, tend to our dogs and build things which I have learned to let him do without complaint even if it’s 1-3 hours a day outside after work while I’m indoors cleaning, cooking and helping with homework. He eventually wants to perfect his woodworking craft and sell furniture so I am trying to be supportive. He goes to the gym after work when time allows and I’m able to pick up the kids. He plays golf, basketball, does to shows and has nights outs every month. We both have independent time but since I’m pregnant I’m more at home resting than being out. There are days where I get to rest but majority of the time, I have to be proactive to maintain the household. There are wonderful things about my husband, he is silly and the fun parent with the kids. He always wants to be out of the house on the weekends to enjoy being outside and not cooped up in the house. He is carefree, loves to sing and dance and a carefree attitude. I rarely complain and when I do, he says I complain too much.. I’ve learned to let a lot of things go but there are times when I feel overwhelmed. I feel my energy does not match his at times because many times my mind is worried about finances or groceries, or not feeling appreciated. We’ve been together for 7 years and he has never planned a trip for us, he just recently started celebrating me on my birthday and Mother’s Day the past year and a half because I’ve cried about it over and over again. There’s been Mothers days and Christmas where he hasn’t gotten me flowers or a gift. Birthdays where we stayed home because he didn’t plan any dinner or a meal. I finished nurse practitioner school last year and I felt that it was looked over by him and he wasn’t proud of me. We did not celebrate my achievements and I’ve expressed this to him throughout school because with each class or milestone, he was always the first person I’d tell but the reaction I got was so minimal.. when I finally finished, I was met with a congratulations hug and kiss at home. I hate to come off as spoiled, but I always remember how I would celebrate him for his birthday or imagine how we’d celebrate his achievements. I’m almost 8 months pregnant and I can see myself feeling the weight of another child added to the mix and wonder how I can maintain this home and my happiness. I know I shouldn’t depend on a man to be happy but I do depend on my husband to validate my feelings and provide me with a space where I feel loved and heard. I wrote this on a whim… help.

My study today was spent defending Jesus as a law-giver and law-keeper. I learned that Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin. (Matthew 19:8, Mark 3:1-5, Romans 5:13) Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth. (John 16:12-15)
We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Him. As we grow spiritually, we leave behind logic that no longer seems reasonable. (Psalm 17:15, Matthew 10:25, 1 Corinthians 13:11-13)
Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law. (Deuteronomy 18:15, Acts 3:22, Jeremiah 31:31-34) Mankind was not ready to receive, much less live out, the fullness of the law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. (Deuteronomy 18:15-19, 1 John 2:27) Jesus explained, "I did not come to destroy the law and the prophets, but to fulfill." He also explained how vital it is to keep the whole law. (Matthew 5:17-20)
Throughout the Hebrew scriptures, we are warned not to "turn to the right hand or the left" in keeping the law. (Deuteronomy 5:32, Deuteronomy 17:1, Deuteronomy 28:14, Joshua 23:6) It means not to do more or less than what it says. The way Jesus kept the law (including the Sabbath law) was a correction of the rulers' current practices. Jesus used scripture, creation, and divinely appointed miracles to show people that they were the ones in the wrong.
Most of the laws Jesus explained to us are more easily broken than the law of Moses. We are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. (Matthew 5:43-45, Psalm 139:21-22) We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts. God's Holy Spirit makes us people of truth and love.
All Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. Don't you find it strange that Jesus, the Author of Life, is constantly condemned for promoting life and love in the Bible? (Matthew 12:1-24) The Word of God says, "When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord shall take me up." (Psalm 27:10) Jesus, the Word of God made flesh, kept his promises, even on the Sabbath. (John 1:1, John 1:14, Numbers 23:19, Isaiah 40:8) This is the greatest complaint against him among our Jewish brethren today.
In this study, I learned that God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us. (John 5:17, Mark 2:27) It was God that kept manna from spoiling and breeding worms every Sabbath day in the wilderness. (Exodus 16:24) Jesus used King David, and those who served in the Temple as examples and proof of God's will. We are to serve God and support life every day, including the Sabbath. I finished this study wondering if, "a day with the Lord is as a thousand years," was a literal statement. (2 Peter 3:8, Psalm 90:4) I hope that God will be finished making us into our final form when Jesus is ready for his Sabbath rest with his bride. (Psalm 95:6-11, Hebrews 4:1-12, John 3:26-36)
In Jesus' day, it went against Jewish tradition to fast on the Sabbath. Jesus' disciples did not have food to eat. They were not offered a meal by their peers. Instead they accused Jesus' disciples of breaking the Sabbath because they made produce fit to eat by using their hands to take and rub clean the food God gave them. (Deuteronomy 23:25, Matthew 12:1-7)
I believe the only accusation anyone can have against Jesus is over whether or not he really was one with God. There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and it cost his life. (Matthew 26:65, Isaiah 53:12)
I spent quite a bit thinking on this passage, where Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The scene takes place during Hanukkah, which is also a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? No wonder we needed a Messiah to change our hearts! (Zechariah 12:10, John 19:34-37)
John 10:22-33 NLT
22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."
How can anyone save people who can't discern between their friends and their enemies? How could people bent on causing death appreciate the life-supporting logic of Jesus?
Jesus' logic made sense to those who realized that "an eye for an eye" would make the whole world blind. They had learned enough about judgment to see their need for mercy.
It was God's love for mercy that drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature. (Hebrews 12:2-4, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Hosea 6:1-6)
Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

Scripture references:
Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin.
Matthew 19:8 NLT

8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.

Mark 3:1-5 NLT

1 Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. 2 Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus' enemies watched him closely. If he healed the man's hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. 3 Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, "Come and stand in front of everyone." 4 Then he turned to his critics and asked, "Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?" But they wouldn't answer him. 5 He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored!

Romans 5:13 NKJV

(For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law.

Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth.
John 16:12-15 NLT

12 "There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. 14 He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me. 15 All that belongs to the Father is mine; this is why I said, 'The Spirit will tell you whatever he receives from me.'

We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Himself. No person stays a child forever.
Psalm 17:15 NKJV

15 As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

Matthew 10:25

“It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household!

1 Corinthians 13:11-13 NKJV

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law.
Deuteronomy 18:15 NKJV

15 "The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your midst, from your brethren. Him you shall hear,

Acts 3:22 NKJV

22 "For Moses truly said to the fathers, 'The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your brethren. Him you shall hear in all things, whatever He says to you.

Jeremiah 31:31-34 NKJV

31 "Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah-- 32 "not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD. 33 "But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 "No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more."

Mankind was not ready to receive the complete law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit
**Deuteronomy 18:15-19 NLT - 15 Moses continued, "The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your fellow Israelites. You must listen to him. 16 For this is what you yourselves requested of the LORD your God when you were assembled at Mount Sinai. You said, 'Don't let us hear the voice of the LORD our God anymore or see this blazing fire, for we will die.' 17 "Then the LORD said to me, 'What they have said is right. 18 I will raise up a prophet like you from among their fellow Israelites. I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell the people everything I command him. 19 I will personally deal with anyone who will not listen to the messages the prophet proclaims on my behalf.
1 John 2:27 NLT - 27 But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true--it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.
Jesus explained that He didn't come to destroy God's Laws. He also explained how vital it is to keep them.
Matthew 5:17-20

17 "Don't misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to complete them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God's law will disappear until its purpose is achieved. 19 So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven. 20 "But I warn you--unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Scripture warns us not to "turn to the right hand or the left" from following God's commands. This means not to do more or less than what it says.
Deuteronomy 5:32 NLT

32 So Moses told the people, "You must be careful to obey all the commands of the LORD your God, following his instructions in every detail.

Deuteronomy 17:1 NLT

1 "Never sacrifice sick or defective cattle, sheep, or goats to the LORD your God, for he detests such gifts.

Deuteronomy 28:14 NLT

14 You must not turn away from any of the commands I am giving you today, nor follow after other gods and worship them.

Joshua 23:6 NLT

6 "So be very careful to follow everything Moses wrote in the Book of Instruction. Do not deviate from it, turning either to the right or to the left.

The way Jesus kept the law was a correction of traditions. Jesus used scripture, creation, and miracles to show people the truth.
Under Jesus' glorified laws, we are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts.
Matthew 5:43-44 New Covenant: love your enemies, hate their sin.

43 "You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

Psalm 139:21-22 Old Covenant: hate those who hate God.

21 O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you? Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you? 22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.

Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. The Sabbath corrections were only well-received by those who knew they needed mercy.
Matthew 12:1-24 NLT

1 At about that time Jesus was walking through some grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, so they began breaking off some heads of grain and eating them. 2 But some Pharisees saw them do it and protested, "Look, your disciples are breaking the law by harvesting grain on the Sabbath." 3 Jesus said to them, "Haven't you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry? 4 He went into the house of God, and he and his companions broke the law by eating the sacred loaves of bread that only the priests are allowed to eat. 5 And haven't you read in the law of Moses that the priests on duty in the Temple may work on the Sabbath? 6 I tell you, there is one here who is even greater than the Temple! 7 But you would not have condemned my innocent disciples if you knew the meaning of this Scripture: 'I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.' 8 For the Son of Man is Lord, even over the Sabbath!" 9 Then Jesus went over to their synagogue, 10 where he noticed a man with a deformed hand. The Pharisees asked Jesus, "Does the law permit a person to work by healing on the Sabbath?" (They were hoping he would say yes, so they could bring charges against him.) 11 And he answered, "If you had a sheep that fell into a well on the Sabbath, wouldn't you work to pull it out? Of course you would. 12 And how much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Yes, the law permits a person to do good on the Sabbath." 13 Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored, just like the other one! 14 Then the Pharisees called a meeting to plot how to kill Jesus. 15 But Jesus knew what they were planning. So he left that area, and many people followed him. He healed all the sick among them, 16 but he warned them not to reveal who he was. 17 This fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah concerning him: 18 "Look at my Servant, whom I have chosen. He is my Beloved, who pleases me. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. 19 He will not fight or shout or raise his voice in public. 20 He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious. 21 And his name will be the hope of all the world." 22 Then a demon-possessed man, who was blind and couldn't speak, was brought to Jesus. He healed the man so that he could both speak and see. 23 The crowd was amazed and asked, "Could it be that Jesus is the Son of David, the Messiah?" 24 But when the Pharisees heard about the miracle, they said, "No wonder he can cast out demons. He gets his power from Satan, the prince of demons."

Psalm 27:10

10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take care of me.

God keeps his promises, even on the Sabbath.
John 1:1, 14 NKJV

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ... 14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

Numbers 23:19 NKJV

19 "God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Isaiah 40:8 NKJV

8 The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever."

God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us.
John 5:17 NKJV

17 But Jesus answered them, "My Father has been working until now, and I have been working."

Mark 2:27 NKJV

27 And He said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.

Exodus 16:24 NKJV

24 So they laid it up till morning, as Moses commanded; and it did not stink, nor were there any worms in it.

The rulers of Jesus' day made Sabbath laws that conflicted for the poor. They falsely accused Jesus' followers of harvesting on the Sabbath when they legally took what God provided.
Deuteronomy 23:25 NKJV

25 "When you come into your neighbor's standing grain, you may pluck the heads with your hand, but you shall not use a sickle on your neighbor's standing grain.

Matthew 12:1-7 NKJV

1 At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. And His disciples were hungry, and began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. 2 And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to Him, "Look, Your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath!" 3 But He said to them, "Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, he and those who were with him: 4 "how he entered the house of God and ate the showbread which was not lawful for him to eat, nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 "Or have you not read in the law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath, and are blameless? 6 "Yet I say to you that in this place there is One greater than the temple. 7 "But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless.

Some people say Jesus deserved to die for breaking the law. I know that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and paid for it with his life.
Matthew 26:62-65 NKJV

62 And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?" 63 But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God: Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!" 64 Jesus said to him, "It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven." 65 Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy! What further need do we have of witnesses? Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!

Isaiah 53:12 NKJV - 12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, And He shall divide the spoil with the strong, Because He poured out His soul unto death, And He was numbered with the transgressors, And He bore the sin of many, And made intercession for the transgressors.
Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The account takes place during Hanukkah, a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? We needed a Messiah to change our hearts!
John 10:22-33 NLT

22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."

Zechariah 12:10 NKJV

“And I will pour on the house of David and on the inhabitants of Jerusalem the Spirit of grace and supplication; then they will look on Me whom they pierced. Yes, they will mourn for Him as one mourns for his only son, and grieve for Him as one grieves for a firstborn.

John 19:34-37 NKJV

34 But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out. 35 And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe. 36 For these things were done that the Scripture should be fulfilled, "Not one of His bones shall be broken." 37 And again another Scripture says, "They shall look on Him whom they pierced."

Jesus' logic made sense to those who had seen enough judgment to realize their need for mercy.
God's love drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature.
Hebrews 12:2-4 NKJV

2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 NKJV

13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Hosea 6:1-6 NKJV

1 Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. 2 After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. 3 Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. 4 "O Ephraim, what shall I do to you? O Judah, what shall I do to you? For your faithfulness is like a morning cloud, And like the early dew it goes away. 5 Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets, I have slain them by the words of My mouth; And your judgments are like light that goes forth. 6 For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

May God's truth and love permeate our lives and make us more like Him.

My study today was spent defending Jesus as a law-giver and law-keeper. I learned that Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin. (Matthew 19:8, Mark 3:1-5, Romans 5:13) Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth. (John 16:12-15)
We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Him. As we grow spiritually, we leave behind logic that no longer seems reasonable. (Psalm 17:15, Matthew 10:25, 1 Corinthians 13:11-13)
Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law. (Deuteronomy 18:15, Acts 3:22, Jeremiah 31:31-34) Mankind was not ready to receive, much less live out, the fullness of the law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. (Deuteronomy 18:15-19, 1 John 2:27) Jesus explained, "I did not come to destroy the law and the prophets, but to fulfill." He also explained how vital it is to keep the whole law. (Matthew 5:17-20)
Throughout the Hebrew scriptures, we are warned not to "turn to the right hand or the left" in keeping the law. (Deuteronomy 5:32, Deuteronomy 17:1, Deuteronomy 28:14, Joshua 23:6) It means not to do more or less than what it says. The way Jesus kept the law (including the Sabbath law) was a correction of the rulers' current practices. Jesus used scripture, creation, and divinely appointed miracles to show people that they were the ones in the wrong.
Most of the laws Jesus explained to us are more easily broken than the law of Moses. We are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. (Matthew 5:43-45, Psalm 139:21-22) We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts. God's Holy Spirit makes us people of truth and love.
All Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. Don't you find it strange that Jesus, the Author of Life, is constantly condemned for promoting life and love in the Bible? (Matthew 12:1-24) The Word of God says, "When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord shall take me up." (Psalm 27:10) Jesus, the Word of God made flesh, kept his promises, even on the Sabbath. (John 1:1, John 1:14, Numbers 23:19, Isaiah 40:8) This is the greatest complaint against him among our Jewish brethren today.
In this study, I learned that God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us. (John 5:17, Mark 2:27) It was God that kept manna from spoiling and breeding worms every Sabbath day in the wilderness. (Exodus 16:24) Jesus used King David, and those who served in the Temple as examples and proof of God's will. We are to serve God and support life every day, including the Sabbath. I finished this study wondering if, "a day with the Lord is as a thousand years," was a literal statement. (2 Peter 3:8, Psalm 90:4) I hope that God will be finished making us into our final form when Jesus is ready for his Sabbath rest with his bride. (Psalm 95:6-11, Hebrews 4:1-12, John 3:26-36)
In Jesus' day, it went against Jewish tradition to fast on the Sabbath. Jesus' disciples did not have food to eat. They were not offered a meal by their peers. Instead they accused Jesus' disciples of breaking the Sabbath because they made produce fit to eat by using their hands to take and rub clean the food God gave them. (Deuteronomy 23:25, Matthew 12:1-7)
I believe the only accusation anyone can have against Jesus is over whether or not he really was one with God. There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and it cost his life. (Matthew 26:65, Isaiah 53:12)
I spent quite a bit thinking on this passage, where Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The scene takes place during Hanukkah, which is also a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? No wonder we needed a Messiah to change our hearts! (Zechariah 12:10, John 19:34-37)
John 10:22-33 NLT
22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."
How can anyone save people who can't discern between their friends and their enemies? How could people bent on causing death appreciate the life-supporting logic of Jesus?
Jesus' logic made sense to those who realized that "an eye for an eye" would make the whole world blind. They had learned enough about judgment to see their need for mercy.
It was God's love for mercy that drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature. (Hebrews 12:2-4, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Hosea 6:1-6)
Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

Scripture references:
Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin.
Matthew 19:8 NLT

8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.

Mark 3:1-5 NLT

1 Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. 2 Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus' enemies watched him closely. If he healed the man's hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. 3 Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, "Come and stand in front of everyone." 4 Then he turned to his critics and asked, "Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?" But they wouldn't answer him. 5 He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored!

Romans 5:13 NKJV

(For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law.

Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth.
John 16:12-15 NLT

12 "There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. 14 He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me. 15 All that belongs to the Father is mine; this is why I said, 'The Spirit will tell you whatever he receives from me.'

We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Himself. No person stays a child forever.
Psalm 17:15 NKJV

15 As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

Matthew 10:25

“It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household!

1 Corinthians 13:11-13 NKJV

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law.
Deuteronomy 18:15 NKJV

15 "The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your midst, from your brethren. Him you shall hear,

Acts 3:22 NKJV

22 "For Moses truly said to the fathers, 'The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your brethren. Him you shall hear in all things, whatever He says to you.

Jeremiah 31:31-34 NKJV

31 "Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah-- 32 "not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD. 33 "But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 "No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more."

Mankind was not ready to receive the complete law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit
**Deuteronomy 18:15-19 NLT - 15 Moses continued, "The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your fellow Israelites. You must listen to him. 16 For this is what you yourselves requested of the LORD your God when you were assembled at Mount Sinai. You said, 'Don't let us hear the voice of the LORD our God anymore or see this blazing fire, for we will die.' 17 "Then the LORD said to me, 'What they have said is right. 18 I will raise up a prophet like you from among their fellow Israelites. I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell the people everything I command him. 19 I will personally deal with anyone who will not listen to the messages the prophet proclaims on my behalf.
1 John 2:27 NLT - 27 But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true--it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.
Jesus explained that He didn't come to destroy God's Laws. He also explained how vital it is to keep them.
Matthew 5:17-20

17 "Don't misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to complete them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God's law will disappear until its purpose is achieved. 19 So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven. 20 "But I warn you--unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Scripture warns us not to "turn to the right hand or the left" from following God's commands. This means not to do more or less than what it says.
Deuteronomy 5:32 NLT

32 So Moses told the people, "You must be careful to obey all the commands of the LORD your God, following his instructions in every detail.

Deuteronomy 17:1 NLT

1 "Never sacrifice sick or defective cattle, sheep, or goats to the LORD your God, for he detests such gifts.

Deuteronomy 28:14 NLT

14 You must not turn away from any of the commands I am giving you today, nor follow after other gods and worship them.

Joshua 23:6 NLT

6 "So be very careful to follow everything Moses wrote in the Book of Instruction. Do not deviate from it, turning either to the right or to the left.

The way Jesus kept the law was a correction of traditions. Jesus used scripture, creation, and miracles to show people the truth.
Under Jesus' glorified laws, we are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts.
Matthew 5:43-44 New Covenant: love your enemies, hate their sin.

43 "You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

Psalm 139:21-22 Old Covenant: hate those who hate God.

21 O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you? Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you? 22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.

Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. The Sabbath corrections were only well-received by those who knew they needed mercy.
Matthew 12:1-24 NLT

1 At about that time Jesus was walking through some grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, so they began breaking off some heads of grain and eating them. 2 But some Pharisees saw them do it and protested, "Look, your disciples are breaking the law by harvesting grain on the Sabbath." 3 Jesus said to them, "Haven't you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry? 4 He went into the house of God, and he and his companions broke the law by eating the sacred loaves of bread that only the priests are allowed to eat. 5 And haven't you read in the law of Moses that the priests on duty in the Temple may work on the Sabbath? 6 I tell you, there is one here who is even greater than the Temple! 7 But you would not have condemned my innocent disciples if you knew the meaning of this Scripture: 'I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.' 8 For the Son of Man is Lord, even over the Sabbath!" 9 Then Jesus went over to their synagogue, 10 where he noticed a man with a deformed hand. The Pharisees asked Jesus, "Does the law permit a person to work by healing on the Sabbath?" (They were hoping he would say yes, so they could bring charges against him.) 11 And he answered, "If you had a sheep that fell into a well on the Sabbath, wouldn't you work to pull it out? Of course you would. 12 And how much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Yes, the law permits a person to do good on the Sabbath." 13 Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored, just like the other one! 14 Then the Pharisees called a meeting to plot how to kill Jesus. 15 But Jesus knew what they were planning. So he left that area, and many people followed him. He healed all the sick among them, 16 but he warned them not to reveal who he was. 17 This fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah concerning him: 18 "Look at my Servant, whom I have chosen. He is my Beloved, who pleases me. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. 19 He will not fight or shout or raise his voice in public. 20 He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious. 21 And his name will be the hope of all the world." 22 Then a demon-possessed man, who was blind and couldn't speak, was brought to Jesus. He healed the man so that he could both speak and see. 23 The crowd was amazed and asked, "Could it be that Jesus is the Son of David, the Messiah?" 24 But when the Pharisees heard about the miracle, they said, "No wonder he can cast out demons. He gets his power from Satan, the prince of demons."

Psalm 27:10

10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take care of me.

God keeps his promises, even on the Sabbath.
John 1:1, 14 NKJV

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ... 14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

Numbers 23:19 NKJV

19 "God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Isaiah 40:8 NKJV

8 The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever."

God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us.
John 5:17 NKJV

17 But Jesus answered them, "My Father has been working until now, and I have been working."

Mark 2:27 NKJV

27 And He said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.

Exodus 16:24 NKJV

24 So they laid it up till morning, as Moses commanded; and it did not stink, nor were there any worms in it.

The rulers of Jesus' day made Sabbath laws that conflicted for the poor. They falsely accused Jesus' followers of harvesting on the Sabbath when they legally took what God provided.
Deuteronomy 23:25 NKJV

25 "When you come into your neighbor's standing grain, you may pluck the heads with your hand, but you shall not use a sickle on your neighbor's standing grain.

Matthew 12:1-7 NKJV

1 At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. And His disciples were hungry, and began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. 2 And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to Him, "Look, Your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath!" 3 But He said to them, "Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, he and those who were with him: 4 "how he entered the house of God and ate the showbread which was not lawful for him to eat, nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 "Or have you not read in the law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath, and are blameless? 6 "Yet I say to you that in this place there is One greater than the temple. 7 "But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless.

Some people say Jesus deserved to die for breaking the law. I know that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and paid for it with his life.
Matthew 26:62-65 NKJV

62 And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?" 63 But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God: Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!" 64 Jesus said to him, "It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven." 65 Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy! What further need do we have of witnesses? Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!

Isaiah 53:12 NKJV - 12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, And He shall divide the spoil with the strong, Because He poured out His soul unto death, And He was numbered with the transgressors, And He bore the sin of many, And made intercession for the transgressors.
Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The account takes place during Hanukkah, a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? We needed a Messiah to change our hearts!
John 10:22-33 NLT

22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."

Zechariah 12:10 NKJV

“And I will pour on the house of David and on the inhabitants of Jerusalem the Spirit of grace and supplication; then they will look on Me whom they pierced. Yes, they will mourn for Him as one mourns for his only son, and grieve for Him as one grieves for a firstborn.

John 19:34-37 NKJV

34 But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out. 35 And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe. 36 For these things were done that the Scripture should be fulfilled, "Not one of His bones shall be broken." 37 And again another Scripture says, "They shall look on Him whom they pierced."

Jesus' logic made sense to those who had seen enough judgment to realize their need for mercy.
God's love drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature.
Hebrews 12:2-4 NKJV

2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 NKJV

13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Hosea 6:1-6 NKJV

1 Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. 2 After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. 3 Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. 4 "O Ephraim, what shall I do to you? O Judah, what shall I do to you? For your faithfulness is like a morning cloud, And like the early dew it goes away. 5 Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets, I have slain them by the words of My mouth; And your judgments are like light that goes forth. 6 For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

May God's truth and love permeate our lives and make us more like Him.

I think my only option is to completely resign as a stepparent. I desperately need advice about sustaining a marriage with polar opposite parenting styles, & how to deal with teenage boys with no manners or basic hygiene.
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs all over the counter. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please,” “thank you,” & we eat out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions cause us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/WanderingWifie
I'm a gaming widow
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & Marriage
TRIGGER WARNING: addiction, physical violence
Original Post Apr 20, 2024
How is it not me? Help me understand as a gaming widow
My(38f) husband(34m) spent $1800 in 3 months on a mobile game. He recently started purchasing google play cards behind my back so it's not apparent on the bank statement. I caught him because I found it in our truck under the seat. Now he asks for google play cards...except I'm too scared to say no..he's so mean and cold and the walls have holes from it.
I started going to therapy because he's forced us into living almost below paycheck to paycheck. Ofc we've had multiple convos and he knows he may lose me.
I asked my therapist, "How is it not my fault when the kids and me are his life he's trying to escape?" . My therapist kept repeating, "I promise it's not, this is something within him".
I hate her answer.
Can you help me see it from his view? I feel like he doesn't want to be a father to our kids (2m, 7f). Maybe he doesn't want a life with me and can't admit it? Is therapist trying to coddle me? Like is she worried if she says, "WanderingWifie, you are a shit mom. You are a shit partner. You are a shit person. This is your fault because you're a SAHM and he hates living with you in the life you've created together!" That I'll never come back or hurt myself?
He tells me, "at least I'm here. I could be doing (xyz event away from home)after work". At this point I might as well consider him a "cardboard cutout that's glued to the chair". No, really. Our 2yr son got all the way out the door when I was in the backyard letting the dogs out.
I miss my husband so fucking much. We don't go to bed together anymore. He goes to bed at around 130am. I'm never his focus after the kids go to bed. He thinks he's "present" but I doubt he could tell you the plot of any movie or show we've watched lately. He's glued to it for all but maybe 1-2 waking hours...that's me being generous and counting all total points he briefly engages with us. He gets angry when I ask for help putting the kids to bed because it's in the middle of one of his battle raids.
Please please be brutally honest. I don't want to fight for someone to stay in a life they hate.
My MIL is trying to save me from her own son Apr 21, 2024
It just hit me this morning as I sat processing my most recent appointment. It was at her insistence that I saw a therapist that worked closely with women's health. My MIL is the one that briefed the therapist on the situation with her son and his addiction.
My therapist asked, "Does your MIL know how bad the situation at home can get?".
For a moment I didn't answer and the pieces slowly came together as I spoke, "I didn't need to. She saw the holes in the wall and now the shattered glass in the cabinet. I didn't even have a conversation about the cabinet. She texted me after that she was booking me with you and that a wife should never fear her husband. But I never said I was afraid. She knew.."
I cannot imagine how hard this must have been for my MIL; accepting her son is capable of evil and knowing the therapist would guide me into seeing the addiction and abuse wasn't normal, knowing it would leave to me putting plans in place to leave him. She did this knowing the divorce will be nasty and I will have main custody of the kids.
This woman stood up for other woman over her son and I don't know how to begin to thank her.
Edit: info: FIL & MIL grew up in physically abusive households they are not abusive.
My husband is verbally abusive. The concern is it transferring from holes in the walls/smashed glass to my face being met with his fist. For those that don't see holes in walls as warnings....you are blind the way I was...it can turn on a dime, it's a question of when. I had become so used to it preaddiction that it no longer phased me as "not normal". The addiction has ramped his anger issues up. I do not feel safe saying no when he asks to spend money on it.
Edit 2: I promise to continue to update and make posts. It's hard for me to not delete because this addiction...and what it's done...not only is it not talked about (on the rise according to my therapist and WHO has classified it as a disorder similar to gambling) but people that "don't get it" are like "WHAT A LOSER". Please understand this is a 13 year relationship (married for 9 of them) and he was not always like this. I loved the man I married. I do not love this man that has replaced him.
He said something really mean but it's true Apr 27, 2024
"At least I haven't wasted 30K on an education that resulted in nothing".
We've been fighting a lot...mostly about the mobile game addiction. I don't want to get into it here but it's a lot of money and time. My post history talks more about it.
I started crying on the spot when he said it. It was a low blow for many reasons.

I tried several different majors in my 20's but bad mental health got in my way and I failed.
I graduated last summer from a medical trade there are no jobs for.
I got fired in Jan (2 weeks from the 90 day probation) from my last job and it devastated me because I tried my hardest at it...I guess I'm just garbage at admin work.
I've been feeling very lost in life and wondering my purpose. Should I go back to my career I had before the kids? I was just a dog groomer...average at best..I tried to break away with a career change but that failed..as you can see.

He has tried to apologize but I'm too hurt. I don't feel like I have the right to be mad because what he said is true.
I was supposed to start volunteering at the animal shelter and groom strays for free as per my therapist's hope to "get me out there". Instead, I'm sitting with my daughter watching movies... not wanting to see the light of day.
Update: My MIL is trying to save me from her own son May 22, 2024
Well...It's been over a month... and a lot happened. He blew up my chance to volunteer at the animal shelter. He did not like it when I got strong and said, "I'm not nothing without you; I have rights, you will owe my alimony, half of the house for starters". So he went after the therapist who also mainly runs the shelter... whatever he said made her not respond to my emails or messages. I believe he accused her of purposely ruining a marriage and probably some legal threat from his response. I'm really sad and feel like I can't trust therapists after this...I worry that maybe I'm too damaged... mostly I wonder what was said. I feel freaking abandoned but I don't want to unpack that in this post tbh.
Last night all hell broke loose and I said the words out loud, "I want a seperation- I'm done". I was/am done with doing all the house chores; (laundry, dishes, all & any house cleaning, pet feeding/walking/poop clean up, all the emotional labor of helping 7f with school & teachers, taking on all the finances because he can't be trusted not to spend stupidly & selfishly). I was/am tired of doing all the potty training with 2m and 95% of diapers. I was/am tired of feeling embarassed to let people in the house because of the holes in walls.
I bet you can guess how well it went. New wall holes. Hooray. I went into the laundry room, locked it, and screamed, "No! You don't come in here! This is my safe space. I will fucking call the cops.".
I stayed there for two hours. He kept trying to get me to come out and talk. I said, "I do not feel like we can have a conversation without fighting. " each time. Then I went to bed and pretended to sleep as he got ready for work (omg I was so happy he got called in).
In the morning I texted my mil that it was over and I was leaving at the end of the month. I asked her to make sure he has support during this time...because...I still love him and don't want him to anything dumb. She responded with simply "We (meaning my fil as well) love you ". Omg I cried. I cried because, as a mother myself, I cannot imagine how painful this is for her.
Later on my husband called me. I listened to that canary sing like his life depended on it. He said he would delete the game or not spend anything on it. He said he would create a chore sch with me so I wouldn't be doing everything.
My heart so badly wanted to believe it. I knew I couldn't give in...he needed to feel the gravity of his fuck ups; the almost 3k he spent on a game in 4 months, preventing me from going to therapy, ruining my chance to restart my former career (dog groomer), and just everything.
So that's all for now...I'm sitting here..at midnight...nervous for when he comes home tomorrow (he's gone 12-48 hours at a time for his job).
Ps. My dad is doing his second round of chemo and so far-so good. They did find cancer in his lymph nodes after surgery..so yes it spread but not as bad as it could be. Thank-you to the redditor's that said such kind things.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP when asked why she is still talking to her husband and doesn't take the kids and leave

It's a funny thing. This is someone I've been with for 13 years. The major shift in everything happened 4 months ago when he found the game. It's not so easy when you've been a sahm for 7 years esp in this job market.
I used to say the same thing as you when I heard of people in abusive situations. All I can say is unless you've been in a situation similar you do not and cannot possibly understand.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Today is our 6th wedding anniversary. We just spent the last weekend on a work trip together and had a great time but no intimacy. Our sex life has been hit or miss the last year and a half. Life has gotten in the way, kids are more demanding at this stage (middle school), work has been more challenging but I feel like my husband has me as an after thought. I beg for sex, sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t. He’s had his hormone levels checked and everything is fine but we really only have sex 1-2 times a month. It leaves me wondering all the time if I’m missing out…he treats me good, he treats our kids good but it just feels like we’re best friends and roommates at this point. I came home today and got him a card and he looked at me and just said I didn’t get you or do anything for you. He had the entire day off from work today and didn’t do anything…not the dishes, didn’t even make the bed..nothing. I just looked at him. I threw the card I got him in the trash, took a shower, and now I’m alone in bed. (We sleep in separate rooms) I’m alone and crying. How can you love someone so much, and it just fall apart? Am I overreacting? I feel so lonely. I just want passion, I want someone who wants me so bad and I feel that he loves me but it’s broken. Counseling hasn’t worked, we’re not consistent. I hate this. Does it ever get better? Is this really the beginning of the end?

Context: My (26F) partner (33M) has been friends with that girl's (25F) husband (35M) for over 10 years. When he met her, he changed completely and it was hard for both of us to see our friend switch so much (spent all his money on her, on cars, on a flashy wedding). He dumped his 10 year-long girlfriend, dated this new girl the same day, got engaged to her 1 month after meeting her and married 5 months later.
It was so fast, while all of his friends, including my partner, warned him that she is not a very nice person and he should be careful.
Anyways, she always hated my guts and I never understood why. She feels like we're in a competition, and the fact that my partner and I are VEEERY discreet seems to infuriate her. For example, when we got engaged we didn't tell or show anyone. But when she found out, she got engaged and married right away. When I got pregnant (again, I didn't say anything, but at some point it shows), she rushed to a clinic to get pregnant faster (she doesn't have fertility issues), and got pregnant 3 months after me. And as she always does, she rushes to me to say how much better she is. It doesn't quite bother me since we have a different... thinking process? Mind you I don't own social media accounts, while she wants to be a mom influencer.
But every single time I see her, she tells me how much she hates her husband. How she wants to divorce, how she hates being a mom and how tiring it is. She is very negative and I never really know what to say.
I am pregnant again, it's very early and I don't show... but the last time I saw her, she rushed at me to ask if I was pregnant. As if she had observed my every movement. And guess who wants another baby?
Why? If you live in such despair with your husband and your child, why would you want another baby? I cannot believe it's because I'm getting a second one. You can be a "mom influencer" (whatever this means) with just one. My partner says she desperately need it all for the "clout". But I cannot wrap my head around it. We're talking about children. What do you think is truly happening?

Seasonal Allergies Immunotherapy
Hi I’m planning on applying for OCS when I graduate in May. But im currently taking allergy shots for my seasonal allergies. I would have no problem pausing them during basic etc. Resuming when I’m past training, but is this something I have to do? Is it worth having to get a medical waiver for it? Do I need to tell my recruiter?
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Currently in the process of reenlisting as a prior service who was chaptered out in AIT for SI. Submitted and turned over all my paperwork to my recruiter and awaiting MEPS. My recruiter said this is the longest part of the waiting game from his experience. How long should I be expecting to wait realistically? I would ask my recruiter but I feel like I've bothered him enough over the past few weeks lmao. - Thanks!
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Hey guys l need some advice so i'm gonna get straight to the point. I am 20 and a junior in college. I ship in June and i have 3 Mos choices so far. 19D, 11b and 19k. Which do y’all recommend?I'm hardworking and not lazy so yeah. I am joining for many reasons but one of the main reasons is travel. Would I get to do tha much? Thank you
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Hey guys, I enlisted with an airborne contract that has my first assignment at Fort Liberty. How likely is it that I get assigned to the 82nd?
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Weight loss
I'm currently 5% body fat over for the arms 2.0. I'm eating way better and consuming 12-1,500 calories and losing an average of 3,000 calories a day. I've been running/walking 2 miles a day of hill terrain. My recruiter said I need to lose 10 pounds by May 17. I need tips and tricks on how to lose those pounds by then
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Army National Guard recruiter says at MEPS you can choose from several dates to start basic. Is that accurate?
If so, typically how many dates are there to choose from and how far in the future? I have a great civilian job, so would like to know my date as far in advance as possible.
Edit: would go on to traditional state OCS (yea, I know the internet’s opinions on it but it fits my life really well) afterwards.
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I've got 4 years active and 3 years guard under my belt and I've always put in to my tsp to get the match. I know you need 8 years to keep the matching, but my unit has drained what little motivation I had left for the army, and I've decided I'm done. I'm curious if anyone can help me figure out if there's any option that will help me keep my tsp matching besides a 1 year extension. I doubt the IRR counts towards 8 years, and from what I understand, the inactive guard is simply a pause button. So instead of pushing me to 8 years, it's just delaying my 7th till next year or something. I'm also wondering if a future federal job would contribute to that 8 years or if it has to be all concurrent. Thank you for any help or any resources or links yall can send me to figure this out.
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I was wondering if I could join the army with depression, anxiety, and OCD. All diagnosed. I have no suicide attempts or anything like that, no inpatient care either. All of these are somewhat mild and manageable, and I haven't been on any medication. But that was another concern of mine, if I was to get on any medication, would that disqualify me? Thanks a lot.
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Im currently a senior in high school trying to enlist in the army since December but I’m at a loss of what to do. I took the asvab scored a 61 but autism came up on my records from when I was a kid. I had to get a full medical Record for meps then they wanted my pharmacy record and now they want some more records my recruiter made me sign a form for my old doctors to get it from them about a month and a week ago. I called him the earlier this week and he said he Kentucky or Kansas (I didn’t hear him well and forgot) doing some training I honestly just don’t know what to do I’ll graduate from high school in a few weeks and I probably have a month after that before my parents kick me out any advice?
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Hey all, I wanted to get some insight on whether you all think I would be able to enlist with Crohn's. I've seen online that it's generally marked as an "unwaivable medical condition" but sometimes goes on a case by case basis. My IBD is very mild, I honestly forget that I even have the damn disease because it doesnt effect my daily life at all. I have it managed by taking an 8-week biologic but have gone on extended breaks from it before due to insurance reasons (roughly 2-3 months without any meds) and had no flare ups or any issues of the sort. However, my doctor is thinking of switching me to a daily pill (Rinvoq). I don't have any food sensitivities like a lot of Crohn's patients have (caffeine, alcohol, dairy, etc.) and have never had any surgeries nor does my GI doctor think i'll ever need one. I wanted to enlist for a 17C contract as im already in college for tech anyhow, I'm not sure if that would effect my standing. However, dream MOS is 18X but I figure that may be tougher to get by a recruiter. Any advice or thoughts? Army has been my dream forever and I don't want to have to give it up, so I'd really do anything haha.
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I have 2 non violent felonies from 2011 and PTD from 2022 for possession. I've been upfront and honest with my recruiter. He sent me to test today and I scored 63 on Asvab and GT of 113. Is there a chance for me? Thanks in advance. 30 and in great health and shape.
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What bases would you do bmt if your in cyber security and aviation mechanics?
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I ship out in a week. Went to meps and signed in March. Can I change my MOS? Or is it too late ?? I want something language related because I’m fluent in Arabic (already passed DLPT)
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For anyone that has done OSUT at Fort Moore, how long does it typically take before they’ll tell you where your FDS is?
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I have read a few horror stories where someone enlisted with X,Y, or Z in their contract, but after basic they where told something else and could not confirm the original. For example, someone claims they had a specific location through Option 19, only to later be told they are going somewhere else.
My first question is: has this happened to anyone here, and if so and how was it resolved?
My second question is: after signing your contract, how do you gain acess to it later? Do you receive a physical copy for yourself? Can you download a copy? Is there someone you can ask in the Army to retrieve it for you? Will it be acessable on a portal of somekind?
I am considering enlisting with option 19 and the location is very important to me. Thank you!
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Is phone use in BCT only delegated to calls? Also does phone use depend on what phase you're in, like, red phase 20 minutes, blue 30 minutes? Going to jackson
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Not the best time to swear in, waivers
I have all of my waivers approved, however, I won’t be swearing in due to job circumstances. If things change, can I still go back into the army or will I blocked out of it forever?
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I have an AAM and 3 COAs which S1 has been tracking for months but which have yet to reflect on my PPW. Do I have any recourse?
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my recruiter says that I can't get option 4 in my 35W contract but I really want to be airborne as a 35p/m so I have a higher chance of having my skills be put to use. Can i put in for airborne at DLI or AIT? what is the earliest I can do this and how would I go about it? I just went through the normal MEPS process not the airborne physical fyi
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Is a bonus worth choosing the Army over the AF?
In general, I’ve heard that the army’s QoL is less than that of the Air Force. However, the army has way more jobs w bonuses that I’d be interested in. And it’s the same or similar jobs as the Air Force, but w a bonus. I know the Basic Training for army is also longer, but a bonus can be convincing. I have the same question, but in regards to joining the navy as well. I want to focus on my education during my enlistment & get my bachelors & id also like travel opportunities. I haven’t taken my ASVAB yet, it’s scheduled the 16th. I scored rlly well on the PiCAT, and according to those scores I qualify for some army jobs w a bonus. I know it’s not as simple as that, and it’s a whole process & based on what’s available. Just want some opinions on if I was offered an army job w a bonus as opposed to the same/ similar Air Force job without, would you consider it worth it based on your experience?
I already got some answers from a post I made about this, but moderator deleted it and said to comment here. But any additional info/ insight is greatly appreciated. I want to make the best choice for my future in the case that I don't want to do 20 years.
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I'm joining up rn and working with a recruiter. We've got my waivers and everything. Pretty much just have to pick a job. For background I was an IET separation back in 2009. From what I've read and what me and my recruiter have gone over I am glossary non-prior service. I could have sworn I read (albeit a while ago) that business rules did not apply to GNPS, so I should be free to pick my MOS. However, I talked to my recruiter earlier today and he wants me to sit with his 1SG and go over the job options available for prior service. Am I wrong and I just get what I get?
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Please help!
I was looking to join the guard but in my medical records it shows I had Guillan barre. I was feeling some numbness in my legs, but looking back at it, it was very cold outside and I was just a bitch who would try to get out of school by any means possible. They did a spinal tap and never found any trace of the disease however. I was in the hospital for a couple of days, the gave me immunoglobulin and then I went home and nothing ever came of it. I am currently completely asymptomatic This was when I was 12 or 13 years old. Now I’m 18 and want to join but my recruiter said I have to get all the records and stuff. What is the chance that I will still be able to join? I tried looking it up online but I couldn’t find an answer. Also if I’m able to join, will I need a medical waiver?
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My MOS is 68W, I'm shipping out in June and I'm taking the OPAT in a couple of weeks. I'm 5'2 and 115ish pounds. I'm pretty fit. My biggest worry is the standing long jump. I want to pass the OPAT with flying colors and keep my MOS. Is there any advice or tips y'all can give me?
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I’m looking to graduate and enlist in a month but can’t decide on what MOS I want. I think 11B because I don’t want to individuate and do army shit or 68W but I’m not sure if I can get advanced combative training or other schools I want. I want to do something that’s “high speed” and meaningful while working my way towards Ranger reg. Is the 82nd Airborne a good pathway to that? How is civil affairs? Can you enlist directly into it while being active duty?
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Thinking about reenlisting to army with 8.5 PS in USMC. Been out < 5years. Will I have to repeat AIT if I keep my same MOS? I know this is the wrong channel for USMC feedback but also considering going back there if it would mean not repeating AlT. Thanks in advance!
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Hi everyone! I’m a high school student planning on joining the military. I’m Muslim, so I want to be sure that whichever branch I join is accommodating to Muslim needs. If it changes anything, I’m planning joining through the ROTC route.
My main concerns are, does the Army give beard waivers for Muslims? Is it possible to take short breaks throughout the day to pray? Can you fast during Ramadan? Can you be provided with halal (no pork/no alcohol) food?
Also, I’m interested in infantry or armor (or any kind of ground forces officer in general). Would these accommodations interfere with being selected for these careers or being mission ready? (Such as a beard, fasting, etc.)
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i’m a current nasty girl and i’m looking to transfer to Active duty. i understand i need a conditional release in order to sign a new contract and need my G-1 to sign off on it. i’m looking for info on the process from someone who’s gone through the process.
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What are the odds of getting a waiver for ulcerative colitis? I was EPTS’d out in march 2023 after being diagnosed while I was at 30th AG. My GI said I was in remission as of jan of this year. I take 4 Lialda pills a day and get an entyvio infusion every 2 months. I feel perfectly fine now though. Scored a 74 on the asvab.
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Medical record
In the navy currently and getting out in a year. I had a back injury prior to enlisting that I didn’t disclose. I plan on entering the army after my contract. If this comes up will my discharge from the navy be lowered or my benefits revoked?
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So my recruiter told me that I have to get a lease first, but the thing is, is that we don't have one with our landlord. It's more like an oral lease and he's a slumlord who never tries to communicate with any of us. That being said, my recruiter then said that I should find a lease online and edit it to where I state that I'm paying the rent to my sister instead (who has a valid ID) He also stated that my sister and I have to go to a check-cashing place to get it notarized. Is this all ok to do and will the BHA be approved? Also if it's approved, does this mean that the rent we pay which is $1,365.50, is going to be paid for while I'm away and how exactly??
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Can I enlist if I have a Mexican highschool diploma? (I am american, just finished highschool in mexico) And don't have a address in the USA???
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I am thinking of finishing up my bachelors and joining as an officer, my question was whether it was possible or not to guarantee mos 17c in the army if I join as an officer.
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I just got told that I cant enlist for 2 years after my waiver got denied for a history of depression. I stopped feeling depressed last August but got officially cleared into remission in February. I was told theres no point in a consult and the most I can do is reach out to a congressman. Other than reaching out to a congressman, is there really nothing I can do?
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Questions about Virginia National Guard
I want to do OCS! Now here’s my confusion. My recruiter is saying that the moment I swear in is the moment my contract is going to start and will count towards that 6 year! So, if he is right, I will basically complete 2 years training if I do state OCS. But I would like to have more control on what branch I get! My top 3 are: cyber warfare, signal, and intel. Should I do accelerated in that case? Also how likely am I to get one of those aforementioned three if I do state OCS of 18 months? My bachelor was in Computer Engineering, and I am currently enrolled in ASU for master’s pursuing Computer Science! Will I get that 24k a year tuition fee because he said there’s a possibility I might get it since it’s fully online? Can I get tuition assistance and loan repayment both? Does getting either one incur additional service time?
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im thinking of joining as a officer and going into ocs, what is the best branch for a well paying civilian job after completing my service, for context my major right now is relg studies plus maybe bio.
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I leave for Future Soldier Preparatory Course for the fitness aspect on the 21st, has anyone gone through it recently? There’s not a whole lot of information on it online, I was just wondering what it’s like, and what to expect. Do you get issued all of your gear since you will be going to bmt after? What is reception like? Any and all information and tips is greatly appreciated!
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So my husband is going to meps next week. he has 2 different sets of scars on his left arm. He works at a mobile home plant building houses. One was from when he got caught on a nail so it's a little deeper looking and another was from some sheet metal at work. He didn't disclose it to his boss because he works on a line and it would've put his team behind so he just put some bandaids on it and went about his day and cleaned it up when he got home. This was about 1-2 years ago. What is his meps experience going to be like? They aren't self harm obviously but we've heard horror stories about the doctors at meps not believing people and DQ them. He honestly forgot about telling his recruiter and his recruiter has already sent in all his medical history and got him scheduled for meps. Should he still go ahead and tell his recruiter or just wait and disclose it at meps?
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Should i go in as 17c or try my luck at ocs?
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I'm currently in process Enlisting in the Reserve, while holding an associate's degree in mechanical engineering technology, with some side education in programming. While I am working towards my bachelor's degree, I'm looking to pick an MOS that will help my career, or at the very least, be interesting. I don't remember my scores, but my Recruiter told me whatever I pick, my score won't be the limiting factor.
Top of the list for career jobs is 15 series, from what I've heard from currently enlisted in my friend group, wrenching on aircraft in general is a fast track to a cushy job on the outside with my education. 25 series looks boring but useful as anything IT/electrical complements my degree. On the more interesting side, I was looking at 91 series, either 91F or 91P.
Am I going anywhere wrong with any of these jobs? Anything I should be keeping in mind?
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25D or 35T I just wonder which MOS would be better for career. I am really interested in IT. I know 25D is not entry MOS. Let’s say you meet requirements for both MOS. If you stay as enlisted side, what would you recommend?
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I’m heading to ait now at fort Moore for 91M do I get my phone and am I in a dorm how is that like
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Hi all,
I am a permanent resident here is the US, and last week I finished my ASVAB mock test with a 95 on my AFQT. The recruiter says I am eligible for everything that doesn't require a security clearance which is kind of a problem as my dream MOS are the 35-series and 17-series (As both of these are locked behind clearance requirement)
After some thinking, I narrow down to the following, but there are still too many so I hope I can get your feedback on what I am doing. My aims are: a/I want something that will translate into the civilian world well if my time in the army doesn't go well, b/I want an MOS that can advanced through warrant or becoming a commission officer if my time in the army does go well, and c/I want to push myself to the limit and break out of my comfort zone to see where I can go. If I sound arrogant, please forgive for that: I am just trying to be as careful as possible. I am nearly reaching my thirty, and I want to take deliberate steps because I no longer have the luxury of youth and family to try and fail.
The MOS are:
11-series, 12B ~~and 12D~~: I have a soft spot for these despite knowing they don't translate into the civilian world. But in my heart somewhere is a wild child that wants to test my physical prowess and wants to blow things up. I do know my knees and lower back will hate me for picking this.
15 series: With exceptions to 15C, 15J, and other works related to flying or being mechanics of sensitive equipment, I can be an aircraft technicians. I read that there are demands for airplane mechanics but I don't know much about this field other than a/I got to repair planes, b/people seem to hate it because you have to sign a long contract if you become a warrant.
68A: I did see this MOS getting recommended a lot but after reading its description, I am not very sure if I want to do it either both in the army or afterwards. I must also admit I don't have a good insights onto the day to day life of this job. Can someone shed some light about this MOS for me?
68C: Becoming a nurse seems like a very safe choice out of the military given that the BLS projects nurse to be in high demand and being able to take care of your family sounds like a big plus to me; however, I don't know if I like being a nurse. My parents were doctors, and having seen the hospital environment I can say I am not a fan. I also look into 68A but BLS prospect for it didn't seem good, and the training on 68E, 68D, and 68V look a little bit too short. Do you really become a dental assistant just with 10 weeks of training?
68W: I must admit, I have a soft spot for 68W as it allows me to be both learn some medical skills and be on the field. However, I do notice that 68W only translates to paramedic/EMT post-army, while 68C translates to becoming a nurse (which is more valued and regarded as "better" than paramedic or EMT and thus in higher demand)
88H, 92A, 92F, and 92Y: I pick these because, according to BLS, there is a projected increase need for people in warehousing and transportation. From my limited understanding of the fields, you will be in charge of handling logistics such as maintaining unit inventory, ordering supplies and weapons for your units, etc. but I am not very sure on the difference between, say, 92Y and 92A.
So, can you give me a suggestions? May anyone who has been in these MOS share their experience to help me pick? What are some of the MOS I miss?
Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Best regards,
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Is the 09m program ending at the end of may?
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How does one secure a religious exemption before basic training? My recruiter said we would talk about it down the line but it’s getting down to the wire and I’d rather it not get forgotten.
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Hi my duty station is at JBLM I’ll hopefully be there around May of 2025. I still have too go through basic and AIT but I was hoping that I could get some info about the barracks and hopefully get in touch with some of the people that are getting stationed/ already stationed There that are aviation, specifically 15Y. Thank you
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How can i improve my chances of success after the military?
I'm going to meps in 2 weeks and im shooting for a 25 series mos. 25H was what was available at the recruiters after i took my practice asvab. I'm not the brightest bulb but, hey, I'll take it. Aside from college ,which i want to continue to pursue throughout my time in the army (or after depending on my mental fortitude once i'm actually in,) how can i set myself up for success in the civilian world? Any input from past 25h or 25 series who somehow translated their career into decent paying jobs will be much appreciated.
I'll add I'm only joining the army for the college benefits and free training as i come from a poor household and have no other feasible way to pay for it.
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Hello everyone,
I was recently laid off from a $64k job, and honestly, I'm not too upset. I was already feeling burnt out and unhappy, staying primarily for the promised educational benefits to facilitate a career change, which obviously fell through with the job loss. Now, I'm considering my options and the military as a new path has been sounding appealing to an extent. The VA loan and GI Bill are particularly enticing because they would help me pursue a degree without getting into debt, and enabling the career change I've been considering. And the thought of being able to buy a house at this age/economy seems awesome.
At 28, I'm weighing the implications of joining now, especially considering the pay cut and spending four years AD without the guarantee of going overseas which for me would make it much more worthwhile. Also, I'd likely be one of the older members among younger peers, which is another factor to consider. My entry rank would be E3 due to my associate degree told by the Air force recruiter I met, but I'll need a moral waiver for a misdemeanor I had at 18, which might limit my job options not to mention she told me I would have to be at the disposal of whatever the Air Force wanted me to do? Which I am assuming means that I could enlist for one thing that they tell me nope get your doing this.The Air Force recruiter told me that I would be just fine and I would be able to get in as long as my ASVAB score is high enough.
I'm torn about whether to commit to AD and save myself or a longer term in the military via reserves but still stuck in the same loop of feeling in fulfilled, unable to afford university and in a place I would rather leave. Insights from anyone who joined the military later or faced similar decisions would be incredibly helpful.
Thanks for any advice!
P.S I am also ok with the idea of the military as a career as I would still be able to retire earlier than many of my peers if I pursue the 20 year route..
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I’m reenlisting at the end of this month (was NG but going active). My husband is also active and I was wondering how likely is it that I can be in the same battalion as my husband? I know married couples aren’t supposed to work directly together but would that still be considered “working together”?
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Hi All, I'm 23F graduating college with my bachelor's in international relations at the end of July. I speak intermediate Spanish and would be open to learning more languages. I am looking for a mos that doesn't restrict me to behind a desk or sitting on my ass all day. I was thinking of something intelligence related. I would appreciate any advice/help.
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So i have hemorrhoids right now and I go to MEPS monday. I have a Drs visit from about 2 years ago where she prescribed me the cream to use. The cream says to only use it when you have hemorrhoids. I still have the cream. Will I pass MEPS if I bring that the Dr visit. or should I get a new one the day before? It's Saturday so my recruiter won't answer.
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So I enlisted on Friday. (25H) and I ship to BT in August. I’ve made my mind up before enlisting that I was going to make a career out of it. So now I’m here before you all to ask… what’s some advice you could give someone looking to do 20. Like what’s steps would you take if you could go back to make the most of your Army career? I remember my dad who served in the navy would always say “choose your rate choose your fate” and I think I started off on the right foot. Any suggestions to help make the correct steps in my new career path?
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Going back in. Needing some suggestions on different MOS.
So when I was in the first time I was a 25U. I was 16 when I swore in to secure my mos and left at 18YO. I’ve decicided to go back in. Im picking between 19 jobs, I qualify for all of them as I keep my old asvab scores. I scored over a 105 in everything so I have a pretty big list to pick from. These jobs have good jobs outside of the army and that’s my angle, I know 25U translates to a good job outside of the army but it’s not my cup of tea. So any info on the jobs in the army and civilian life for these mos would be greatly appreciate. The jobs are: 68L 68X (specifically because I want to help vets who are/have suffered) 88H 35F 25B 35M 35G 35L 88K 88N 88U 27D 31E 12M 15Q 15N 25U 88L 88M
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Already signed my contract but I really really wanna change my MOS by the time I ship out for BCT in mid-July, what would be the best way to approach and ask my recruiter to change my MOS? The one that I want is really in demand (19K) so maybe that might help?
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Background: Greencard holder, 6yr+ experience in IT field. No degree. Married.
Always wanted to join the military and finally have the opportunity to do so.
What I want to experience from the military;
I want the opportunity to grow in the IT field and have military experience and later on attain a contractor job in overseas installations. Very interested in being able to move overseas for a few years specially Japan.
My biggest interest is to grow in my career + experience other countries.
Recruits have also told me that for active duty they are allowing first duty station to be chosen because the army apparently has a shortage of people joining so they want to motivate people to join by allowing them to choose duty stations. This has made me consider going active IF they aren't lying about this + the job security has always been a plus to me.
My primary plan was :
Going reserve, getting my citizenship while in basic training, changing my mos to 25B then finding government contracting job overseas preferably (Japan) and changing my unit to Japan to drill there (Camp Zama). Overall my biggest goal is to move overseas and be in the IT field.
What is the best route? Advice is greatly appreciated in advance:)
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I want to enlist as a 19D Wont be for a year or so still but trying to do my research and evrything and make sure this is what i want, So far it looks like it is but i have a couple of questions that i need answering before i decided to enlist. 1. as a 19D with 19C coming will 19D still be manning Bradleys 2. What are my chances of being assigned to a cav unit i really dont wanna be assigned to an infantry or god knows what else 3. Am i able to enlist as active at 17?
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Is it hard to get a self harm waiver? It happened one time three years ago. My recruiter is pushing for it now
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I'm going to MEPS this week and I was told that the Job I'm really interested in (12w) is rare and to not get my hopes up. I'll be doing research about some other jobs, but if I really want that job should I just wait for a slot to open up or go with alternate choices?
Does anyone have any experience with this job and how often slots show up?
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Vision Waiver Acceptance Probability
So I’m wanting to enlist as an 11x OP 4in the army, went to MEPS a few weeks ago, and am currently waiting on a current injury to be waived. I’m just kind of worrying about my vision waiver. Recruiter said we have to wait for this to be cleared first, then we can launch the vision waiver.
What’s the probability that a vision waiver will be accepted with Visual Acuity of 20/30 20/50 corrected vision. I understand everything is case to case, I’m just kind of worrying that it’ll end up being denied.
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Is there a list of all the different Options in contracts? Like Option 40, Option 4, Option 19, etc?
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In the process of renegotiating my contract before shipping out and I'm seriously considering 19K (M1 Armor Crewman). Recruiter told me that anyone can volunteer to go to airborne school at BCT and I really want to go airborne but it seems like 19Ks don't really do it as much as other MOS's. Is it true that i will have the opportunity to volunteer myself for airborne school at basic? If not, how can I attend Airborne or any other specialized school as a tanker?
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Leaving for BT in 2wks. First stop Ft Lenwood and then ft sill for AIT. Then off to Ft Drum for my 1st duty station. Can anyone offer insight on what to expect at each location/stage? 13F if it matters. Much appreciated.
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Just reserved mos 88L Water craft engineer.
Was excited at first as I’ve e heard a lot of good things about this mos, but i have a wife, 6yr old and another on the way and am worried that i wont be home that often given this mos. Im supposed to go to meps in 4 days and swear in. Im really not trying to be away from my family all that often. Is this mos bad for family life? Have i made a mistake? Or should i keep it and roll with it. Any recommendations on what i should do?
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Hello, I’m in ROTC right now but I’m about to go to CST. I have been looking into branches as much as possible and am pretty set on ADA but I wanted to ask if anyone here has been on a HIMAD or SHORAD deployment that can give me some insight on what it’s like, more specifically SHORAD but I do want to hear both sides.
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Joining the army
hi, I am 17 turning 18F, and im joining the army and going to boot camp soon. What are some advice or anything you would tell someone before they go to boot camp or thinking about joining the army?
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Hello, I'm currently a high school senior who is interested in joining the ROTC. I've reached out to ROTC recruiters in the colleges that I will be attending however, they never picked up their phones nor responded to their emails after multiple attempts. I've also scheduled appointments with them only for them to not show up multiple times. I've also called the army and they said they would have someone call me but they never did either. I was wondering if anyone could help me get in touch with an ROTC recruiter as I got a few questions about the Army ROTC as well as the process to proceed.
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Can you go to an maritime academy before your service then get it paid when you join? Can you take maritime academy while active duty?
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What are possible first duty stations for Army officers out of ROTC by MOS?
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My MB despises me. She looks at me with death. If she had venom she would spit it at me.
B5 is frequently telling me all the ways “mom said you do xyz wrong.”
She walks in the door and literally says “tell nanny goodbye.”
Now she’s taken to having her husband send messages to our group chat saying “MB said to tell you…”
Why have I worked for this woman 4.5 years? Why does she continue to employ someone she clearly hates?
I’m counting down the days until I turn in my notice.

Chapter 9
Location: On the Road to the Citadel. Outside Tulla Hold
POV: Orfantal
Tulla Hold is built in a cliffside and is massive. Haral tells Orfantal that Lady Hish is not here, so they don't have to go inside, which is good, because Orfantal's horse would not make the climb. Instead they camp. Orfantal does not share the captain's view of his horse. Orfantal thinks his horse is strong and will take him all the way to Kharkanas. Gripp notices the gate to the hold opening. Orfantal creates another fantasy where he gets kidnapped by bandits, but through cleverness becomes the bandit king until he is betrayed. Breaking him out of his reverie, Gripp tells him there is a highborn in a carriage coming out of the hold. About the same age as Orfantal. When they arrive they bring food and supplies as is the Tulla tradition. The young noble is Sukul Ankhadu, sister of Sharenas. Orfantal asks if she is a hostage like him. Haral tells him lesser families only exchange hostages with their equals. Tulla is of the Greater Families in court. Orfantal thanks Sukul for the food and supplies and she responds that he definitely didn't learn his manners from his grandmother who showed no honor to Urusander's Legion. Orfantal apologizes for his grandmother and Sukul who is touched by his words, says, "Should the need arise in your life for an ally, you may call upon Sukul Ankhadu." She beckons him to join her at a campfire. Orfantal imagines they will be great friends, but vaguely in the future awaits their betrayer.
Orfantal is dismayed that Gripp and the others left the two nobles to their own fire. While in their company he had begun to think there was no difference between them in regards to class. He was one of them. But now the division was obvious and he was reminded of the rules of behavior that made no sense and kept people apart. Sukul asks Orfantal to tell her about himself, saying that she knows about his grandmother and thought their line dried out. She says he must have come from far away. Orfantal knows the story he is supposed to tell when people ask him, but as Sukul is to be his companion he tells her the truth. He says Sandalath is his mother and his father died in the wars saving many famous highborn. Sukul says that Orfantal surely has a different story he's supposed to tell. Orfantal says yes, but that it doesn't make sense. Sukul asks if they are truly friends now. Orfantal nods. Sukul then gives him advice on what to do when he gets to the Citadel. She says he may be lonely as all the adults have very busy lives. He is surprised by this, thinking they would all welcome him warmly as they did his mother. Sukul tells him to seek out Lady Hish Tulla. Sukul will give him a message to give to the lady. Orfantal agrees and asks why she is a guest in Tulla Hold.
She says her sister has taken a wayward path and her mother did not want her to follow. Her mother was friends with Lady Hish from the battlefield and asked her for a favor. Lady Hish had also been on a wayward path, but has since pulled back. Sukul then tells Orfantal, "blood is not the only loyalty in the world. Two spirits, matched of vision, can reach across any divide. Remember that, Orfantal, for on this night such a friendship has begun, between us." She says that Hish Tulla is trying to forge bonds between nobles and officers in Urusander's Legion in order to prevent a civil war.. But that many officers like her sister have no interest in peace. Orfantal says he wishes that Sukul was his sister, Sukul says friends are better and more reliable. She also tells him to make the story he is supposed to tell, the truth in his mind. She makes him promise that he will tell no one else what he has told her. Sukul tells him, "You can create whatever truth you choose. We live long, Orfantal – much longer than the Jheleck, or the Dog- Runners. Live long enough and you will find yourself in the company of other liars, other inventors, and all that they make of their youth shines so bright as to blind the eye. Listen to their tales, and know them for the liars they are – no different from you. No different from any of us." A small voice in his head says that he does not like liars. Lying meant betraying loyalty.
Location: Citadel
POV: Rise Herat
Rise Herat and Legyl Behust, a small girl, are out on a merlon. Rise is telling her not to fall off. She is excited to be this close to the edge. He tells her to look out of the city, but to ignore the industrial section. She wants to see the forest he keeps talking about, but it has receded to a dark line on the horizon. He goes on to compare Kharkanas with a body with it's areas of industry. She doesn't understand him and says, "Cedorpul's a better teacher than you. He makes sense. You don’t." She leaves to play in her room. She is the lone hostage in the Citadel. Cedorpul had ambushed him and made him give her a lesson during his morning ritual. Before he could say no, Cedorpul was gone. Rise Herat is the court historian and attempted to give Legyl a history lesson, but her questions and comments confused him, so he gave up. He knows he's a terrible historian. He prefers sweeping color over obsessive detail and feeling over intense analysis.
He sees the shadow of Mother Dark's indrawn breath. The priestesses believe that she feeds on the light. He laments what must be if Mother Dark becomes absolute. The loss of light. He thinks of Kadaspala. The priestesses say that all who would dwell in the coming darkness would be able to see in it. He knew that would come from sorcery and so would not be free. Cedorpul joins him at the tower. Round face and round body huffing. Someone else comes with him. Cedorpul asks where Legyl is and Rise tells him in her room. He says that Rise has abdicated his responsibilities. Rise responds, just like you did this morning. Endest Silann pushes past Cedorpul to look out over the city. Rise asks what he sees. Endest says it is more what he feels and he feels unburdened. The weight on his shoulders will return when he goes below.
Cedorpul tells Rise that Warlock Resh brings a guest to see Mother Dark. He says that she is from the Vitr. Rise faces Cedorpul surprised by his statement and the man's lack of eyebrows or other facial hair. Cedorpul says they should reach the edge of the forest soon. They wanted to see if they could witness it from the tower. Endest jokes about the proper decorum. Cedorpul doesn't like his irreverence. Endest reminds Cedorpul in which state he found him this morning. Under 3 priestess candidates. He tells Rise that Cedorpul tells them that their prowess in bed must be tested prior to becoming priestesses. He also swears them to secrecy. Cedorpul is mad at Endest for outing him and also tells Rise that Endest doesn't mind taking his cast-offs every night.
POV: Sister Emral Lanear
Sister Emral Lanear is one of two High Priestesses in the court of Mother Dark. She thinks about the illusions they all must keep up. The lesser priestesses around her are gossiping about the visitor. Sister Syntara, the other High Priestess, calls to Sister Emral and tells her it is time. She does not like the young powerful woman. She thinks there is no need for two High Priestesses. The temple they occupied was built as a tribute to the long forgotten god of the Dorssan Ryl. The Yan and Yedan cults were of that time, but she dismissed those as they invented rules of suffering confusing that with faith. Syntara is annoyed that Emral continues to look in her mirror. She has topics to discuss with the other High Priestess. She tells Emral that they must be ready to take advantage of any opportunity. Emral has resisted her at every turn. Syntara says it's not her fault that Emral is old and she's sure Mother Dark only elevated her because she pities her.
Hunn Raal is in the city and Emral had denied his petition for an audience with Mother Dark. Syntara says that was a mistake and tells her about T'riss. Emral says she hasn't denied his petition, only delayed. She wonders aloud at the reasoning for Hunn Raal going to Syntara filling her ear. She surmises that he wishes to use this Azathanai from the Vitr to get a command from Mother Dark to mobilize Urusander's legion and reinstate it's veterans. Emral asks how the highborns will react to a full strength Legion in light of the proposed marriage between Urusander and Mother Dark. Syntara responds that Draconus's response to said marriage is the only thing people are worried about. Emral asks if he will indeed be sacrificed. Even if he is, that would be a short term mollification if Urusander's legion is full strength and holding their swords over the heads of the highborn. She asks Syntara if she would dance for them. This comment hits Syntara as there are rumors of her being a sex worker dancing in alleys in her youth. Emral says that hating Draconus is only a sign of jealousy and that he is granted no power from being Mother Dark's lover.
Location: Outside Kharkanas
POV: Caplo Dreem
The party escorting T'riss to Kharkanas is coming upon the edge of the forest. Previously they had stayed at the Yan monastery. Caplo thinks about how unfortunately he had made Faror Hend his enemy and how he would now have to assault her reputation. He thinks about when he brought T'riss to meet with Mother Sheccanto. Mother Sheccanto asks T'riss is she will be a guest here and T'riss responds how dry it is and it is not befitting a mother. Sheccanto says if she will not be a guest she can go on her way without delay. T'riss says that Mother Sheccanto's faith is empty, but that she likely knows that. She goes on to tell her that there was once a river spirit/god near here. Once they had dug the well and put in a fountain, they had made the god a prisoner. Prisoners die.
Sheccanto observes that T'riss lacks the tact of most Azathanai. T'riss tells her that tact is really just amused condescension. She tells Sheccanto that she is dying and her cult is dying. Sheccanto says of course she's dying and tells Caplo to get her out, but then T'riss accepts and says she will be a guest. She tells them that she thinks Mother Dark has made a grave error in judgment. Then she says she will now go bathe in the fountain. Sheccanto tells Caplo to stay and berates him for letting the bandits kill their children. The cult needs children to stay alive. Caplo was shocked by Mother Sheccanto's admission that of course she was dying. She had been alive for 2,000 years. Amid this reverie, she says, I'm not dead yet staring directly at Caplo. Caplo says he thinks the Vitr damaged T'riss. Mother Sheccanto responds, "Mad she may be, but her power remains, and it is unmitigated by the restraint of reason." She tells him he will be her escort to Mother Dark and to keep his skills at hand. He is an assassin and wonders if it's possible to kill an Azathanai. He also questions whether or not Mother Dark can protect herself. He thinks she surely can. Sheccanto says Mother Dark only trusts one man and he is an outsider who has gone to the Azathanai lands. Her old suspicions are awakened by this.
She goes on to say that while they cannot pierce the veil of mother dark, her spies tell her that Anomander may be able to, so that proves that others might as well. Caplo wonders aloud if he should just kill her here. But she is known to be here, so that would invite the wrath of the wardens. Caplo is doubtful of his ability to kill T'riss in the chamber of night as he has seen Anomander fight and knows he is fast enough to stop Caplo. Mother Sheccanto is fine with the odds and Caplo knowing his low chance of success understands that he may be a sacrifice. Mother Sheccanto tells him to only strike if T'riss intends harm to Mother Dark. They need Mother Dark's gratitude. Caplo's death is worth that gratitude in Sheccanto's eyes. She gives him other tasks to do while in Kharkanas. Caplo joins Resh at the fountain where T'riss swims naked. They philosophize for a long time, then T'riss gets out and asks Caplo, "Your Mother advised against my murder, then? It is well. You would not like my blood on your hands, lieutenant." Caplo denies, but then says they will defend our own. T'riss questions what constitutes 'their own' and that he relies on that ambiguity to justify his killing. She goes on to say, "I believe you are a killer, and that you are both given reasons for the necessity, and assemble in private more of your own, bolstering such justifications as needed." Warlock Resh gagging asks T'riss to restrain her power. T'riss responds that it isn't her. Caplo asks who's power if not hers. T'riss responds, "Your river god was dead. It is dead no longer." Warlock Resh says the god is enraged.
T'riss remained in her room for the next two days as the settlement is plunged into chaos. Mother Sheccanto has lost all control of her body and is confined to her bed. Resh had sent a rider to the Yedan monastery telling Father Skelenal. The thirteen eldest sisters among them had died. In the great well of the ancient god, the water boiled. As T'riss is readying to leave, Resh says he will wait for Father Skelenal to arrive. T'riss says no and that Resh is not needed here. Mother Sheccanto will recover and speak in private with Skelenal. T'riss orders Resh to accompany her. Resh accepts her command, but asks why. T'riss says he needs to witness what will happen. Caplo asks if she is a threat to Mother Dark. T'riss says if she is, there is nothing anyone can do about it, but she says no she is no threat. She says she brings change and how Mother Dark responds is up to her.
While on the way Resh tells Caplo that something is building and that the forest people are free and when they kill the last tree, the last free people of the realm will cease to be. After long discussion of this, T'riss breaks in and says their rituals are meaningless. Once subservience becomes rote, it ceases to be subservient. In any case that is not the relationship the river god wants. It wants comprehension on it's existence. T'riss goes on. You offer your life to the river god, but that's not what the river god wants and it has no idea what to do with your longing, helpless soul. If the god could make you understand something it would be, "the only thing worthy of worship is humility itself." Caplo starts to respond with derision, but Resh gestures him to be silent. Caplo thinks that though he was going to argue, he sees the truth in their predictable behaviors. Resh then exasperatedly asks, "what does our god want of us?" T'riss responds, "he wants you to be free." Caplo is rocked by this revelation. Warlock Resh is brought to tears. "In tears, water runs free."
Location: Citadel
POV: High Priestess Emral Lanear
Emral and Syntara are on their way to see Mother Dark and the way gets progressively darker as they get closer. Emral thinks that there is no beauty in the citadel and the old temple looks a skull with ants trying to escape. The Tiste are the ants. As they get closer Mother Darks presence weighs on them and they must slow down and their breath becomes more shallow. Most of the priestesses and those close to the goddess have developed some ability to see in the dark. Emral is shocked to feel a rain drop fall on her head. The water freezes as it rolls down her face. There was never any rain in the citadel. Alarmed she announces that something is happening. The rain starts to fall harder and the lesser priestesses are panicking. Emral tells them they are dismissed and that the High Priestesses need to speak with Mother Dark. Syntara is mad because Emral doesn't command the procession.
Anomander and his brothers arrive and tell the High Priestesses that the Azathanai is through the gate and that the river is flooding and water streams the streets. He asks for Emral's thoughts. Emral says the Shake. Syntara is looking around confused. Anomander tells Emral that it's unlikely that this is the doing of the Shake. They've never attempted to reclaim the old temple. Emral posits that perhaps they would be allies then. Anomander says they are unreliable, "One thing the worship of a dead god assures, and that is unmitigated freedom for the priesthood" They are off balance now. Emral says if the Shake are nimble they can turn this to their advantage. Anomander says Mother Sheccanto is very ill. Silchas responds that they must look to Warlock Resh then. Emral thinks this shows that Silchas too is very sharp. She tells the brothers that T'riss's escort is Resh and Caplo Dreem. Anomander says that they must think on why Caplo is here. They sniff out that Caplo is there to kill the Azathanai if necessary. Anomander says that he doesn't share Sheccanto's panic. Emral asks if the brothers can stop him. They aren't sure. Caplo is the fastest with a blade that either has seen. Syntara frustratingly says Anomander should then stand between Caplo and T'riss and that they are wasting a lot of time as the group approaches.
Syntara says they must warn Mother Dark. Anomander assures her that Mother Dark already knows and doesn't need anything from them. He goes on, "Sister Syntara, we hens have much to decide here, yet you persist in pecking the ground." Syntara asserts that she is a High Priestess. Anomander verbally eviscerates her, "Your elevation was intended to ease the burden of administration from Sister Emral. Little did Mother Dark realize your venal ambition, and if you think high tits and a damp nest are the surest paths to power, might I refer you to Gallan’s poem, “Trophies of Youth”? Anomander says he will address the Caplo situation. Emral is shocked by Anomander's revelation. She was not aware that Syntara's elevation was to help her. Emral feels a great fondness for all three of the brothers. They remind her of their father whom she loved.
Anomander says they will wait for the Shake party to come to them. Andarist points out that having so many here is a sign of weakness and says he will leave. Silchas says he will join him as his talents are made redundant by Anomander remaining. Silchas suggests that they go find Captain Kellaras who has recently returned to the citadel and enquire about Hust Henarald's answer to Anomander's request. Emral once again contemplates Anomander's competence and attributes it to the same qualities in his father. In the same thought she also hopes that none them have their mother's flaws.
Syntara asks if they will just stand there. Anomander responds that she's not needed and should go seek shelter in Mother Dark's presence. Syntara agrees, but says she won't sink to their level of rudeness. She says she seems to be the only one to understand the position of High Priestess. Anomander responds, "Would that be on your knees, Syntara?" Syntara, enraged, leaves. Emral cautions Anomander that while she is awful, she is not powerless. Anomander agrees that he was unwise, but thinks Syntara's rage will fall on Emral and for that he is sorry.
Location: Streets of Kharkanas
POV: Caplo Dreem
As they move through the streets of Kharkanas they encounter it's citizens in panic. Caplo, Resh, and T'riss stop their mounts in front of the rising water. T'riss says she will walk from here. Resh asks if all of the bridges and stone banks must be destroyed in order for the river to be free. T'riss responds that, "Mother Dark is awakened to its presence. She asserts her domain." The flood is subsiding and T'riss comments on Mother Dark's impressive power. T'riss continues on in the water. Caplo and Resh remain mounted and follow. Caplo looks and sees steam. Mother Dark's power is growing. T'riss wonders why if there is highborn and lowborn why there is no royalty among the Tiste. Caplo says their was, but the queen died on the battlefield trying to find her husband's body. The queen's body was never recovered. She was Mother Dark's half-sister. T'riss asks why she couldn't have just assumed the mantle of Queen. Caplo says it was possible, but that she was deemed unsuitable. Resh says that she was not political. She was idealistic and romantic. T'riss says she thinks the empty throne suits the tiste highborn. Resh says that the throne is now the throne of night and Mother Dark does indeed sit upon it. T'riss asks if she will be sitting on it when they have their audience. Caplo says he has no idea. It's in darkness after all. T'riss guesses that while the queen had no direct descendants that she did have other relations. She correctly guesses that these are Mother Sheccanto and Father Skelenal. She says that they could claim the throne. Resh stops Caplo and asks him why she knows this and why she's bringing it up. He doesn't know, but assures Resh that the age of Kings and Queens is over. For love the queen cast the realm into chaos. The lesson was not lost on the Tiste.
Location: Kharkanas Old Tower
POV: Rise Herat
Rise, Cedorpul and Endest Silann watch as T'riss and her escort walk down the street. Rise wonders if warlock Resh will lay claim to the Old Temple they are watching from as it was an ancient temple to the river god. They watch as Resh and Caplo dismount and continue on with T'riss leaving the other Shake behind. Rise wonders about the nature of Mother Dark's godhood. How it is difficult to worship negation and that if T'riss is in opposition it may help define how they worship their goddess. He also correctly guesses that T'riss is the one in danger at this meeting. Rise challenges Cedorpul's faith and Cedorpul takes Endest and leaves asking Rise to check on the child.
Location: CItadel
POV: High Priestess Emral Lanear
Emral and Anomander await T'riss and her escort. Syntara has gone in to commune with Mother Dark. Emral knows how frustrating that can be as she offers no clear answers. She says that Mother Dark is idealistic and romantic and that probably suits an object of faith and worship. As T'riss approaches a bloom of light does as well. Ice had sheathed the walls and it now cracked. T'riss displays great power. Emral wonders why the Azathanai are not worshipped as gods. Caplo and Resh follow close behind and look uncertain and exhausted. T'riss stops in front of Anomander and says, "Night will claim your skin. Before your eyes, darkness will be revealed. But I will make visible the defiance within you, as a gift." Anomander responds that he asks for no gifts and has no defiance. To Emral T'riss says, "Your sorrow, High Priestess, is lonely, and you are driven to share your truths. I advise against it. Give voice to your secrets and you will be rejected by those for whom you care the most." Anomander tells her if she seeks answers, she may be disappointed. T'riss says, "The Tiste view the Vitr as an enemy, It is no such thing. It exists for itself. It is a sea of possibilities, of potential. It holds life in the manner that blood holds life." Anomander asks if it created her, she says no. He says it is expanding towards Kurald Galain. T'riss responds, "The sea does not dream of you." T'riss says she will see Mother Dark now and moves past Emral. Caplo and Resh make to follow, but Anomander snaps out a hand and pins Caplo to the wall. Emral sees the gleam of a knife in Caplo's hand. Resh shakes his head and it abruptly vanishes. T'riss does not react to this and continues forward. Anomander tells Caplo that no blood is to spilled within the chamber. Caplo says the command is unnecessary. Anomander then addresses Resh and tells him to tell Sheccanto that if she ever sends her Assassin into audience with Mother Dark again, they will spike his head on the wall of the citadel. Resh agrees to relay the message.
From the doorway, T'riss's light vanishes and Syntara stumbles out skin changed to white. When Emral goes to assist her, Syntara declines and calls her a hag. She says she chose her gift and rushes out of the corridor. Resh groans and says, "She's gone." Anomander asks if she was banished. Resh asks if Mother Dark gives him nothing. He says she might, but he doesn't ask. Resh says time twisted in the chamber. It could have been days and that T'riss brought some of the Vitr with her. They didn't know. Anomander asks if it was weapon. Resh says, no it was a gift.
Anomander commands the Shake to stay and takes Emral into the chamber. Emral notices that the darkness is less oppressive to her and that she can now make out details of the chamber. Mother Dark is on the Throne of Night . She is now black-skinned. Anomander asks if Mother Dark is harmed. She responds that she is not. Anomander asks if she sent her away. Mother Dark instead addresses Emral saying she is now the only High Priestess and that Syntara chose to create a schism. It cannot be undone. Anomander asks about the ancient river god being resurrected. Mother Dark responds, "There is peace between us. You see too many enemies, First Son. We are not threatened from without; only from within." Anomander asks what T'riss has done here and how she has changed the darkness. Mother Dark again doesn't respond. She addresses Emral and says that the temple is now sanctified. Emral thinks sanctified by the Vitr? She wonders how Syntara was changed as she thought her faith unassailable. Mother Dark says T'riss was able to see deep into a mortal soul, but doesn't understand tact. She gifted Syntara with something that put her beyond Mother Dark. Mother Dark says that they both now have the ability to see in darkness and everyone who comes before her will receive the blessing. Emral looks to Anomander and sees his black skin, but is shocked at his silver hair. Mother Dark says she is troubled by this and that one day she will tell him of his mother. Anomander says he has no interest and that, "Love cannot survive the absence of memories, and for that woman we have none."
Anomander asks if she will meet with the Shake. Mother Dark says not yet. Anomander shouts, "then name your enemy!". Mother Dark says she has none. She asks him to win the peace for her. Anomander continues to ask about threats and to say that he is a soldier and cannot win peace without war. He asks how Syntara poses a threat. He says the Shake will not take her. Mother Dark says her gift will draw people to her and that they cannot stop it. The schism must be made so it can be healed. Anomander asks, what about Draconus. Mother Dark stills and tells him to leave. Anomander says without him he cannot accomplish his task. She tells him to leave again.
Location: Kharkanas
POV: Hunn Raal
Syntara has come into Hunn Raal's tent. He is shocked by her skin change and asks if Mother Dark had blessed her with new sorcery. Syntara responds that she has been cast out and that T'riss had said she could see in her soul and saw terrible things. She then touched her and did this. She demands sanctuary and says she needs the protection of the legion. He says it's now complicated. She says it wasn't yesterday when he groveled about everything being in place. He says she isn't a High Priestess anymore, so things are different. She asks if he is too drunk to fuck. He says probably. She asks if Urusander will take her.
She asks contemptuously if Hunn Raal will now wage war on the Azathanai. She says that T'riss disappeared as if she open a door in the air itself and Mother Dark recoiled from this power. Hunn Raal sees that Syntara is the same as him and tells her to take this information to Urusander. He tells her exactly what to say. He says she has light within her. She says she will now be a High Priestess of light. She says Liossan and asks who their enemies are. Hunn Raal responds that their enemies are anyone that seeks to hurt Mother Dark. He asks who could challenge this. She responds what about Draconus. He says Draconus uses Mother Dark, so is a threat along with The Deniers, and the brothers and sisters of the Monasteries. Syntara says they will plunge Kurald Galain into Civil War. Hunn Raal says they will prevent one. He says after they purge the realm it will be the end of war and Light will balance out the Dark. She says she wants Emral dead. He says no. Syntara dubs Urusander Father Light. She says she must leave immediately. She tells him his troops must wait now, the Highborn are no longer their enemies. He says he fears it may already be too late. She tells him to make sure it isn't.
Location: On the road to the Citadel
POV: Orfantal
The caravan comes upon some well equipped riders that are definitely not bandits. Haral moves the wagons to the side to allow them to pass. Orfantal notices the equipment of Urusander's legion. He asks Gripp if they are hunting bandits. He begins to say they are Legion. Gripp pinches him and tells him to shut up. Orfantal notices that Gripp is pale. Orfantal twists around to look at the soldiers and Gripp tells him to turn back around and ride on. Orfantal asks what's wrong. Gripp looks for a sign from Haral and sees it when he frowns. Gripp tells Orfantal to listen to him and that the soldiers are coming back. Orfantal asks why and Gripp says because the soldiers shouldn't be here. At least three of them were from disbanded units. He tells him to ride ahead and once he has a straight path to gallop. He says no more questions and don't look back. He slaps the nag's rump and she takes off. Orfantal hears swords being pulled as he runs away. He hears screaming. He presses the horse on and she gallops, but eventually slows.
He hears another horse galloping behind him and fears a knife in the back. The horse rushes past and he sees that it's Haral's but with no rider. It is soaked in blood and gore. He looks back, but is around a corner. He sees two riders emerge and they take off after him. His horse is laboring. Orfantal looks around for a place to hide. He pulls off onto a different path and hears the riders getting closer. He sees their swords are out. He kicks the horse forward and she sinks through the clay into mud. She pushes through. They are half way to the other side when she sinks to her belly and stops. Orfantal now crying sees that the two riders do not dare to follow into the mud. He dismounts and rolls away. The nag had now sunk to her shoulders. He knows she will die and knows that he betrayed her. He's not supposed to be the betrayer. He is able to stay on the crust because he is very light. He makes it across this bog and looks back to see the two riders leaving. He also sees two columns of black smoke and knows that all of his companions are dead. He knew they weren't bandits because they would not fire the wagons. He looks back at his horse. He goes back to her. He puts his arms around her neck and holds tight. The nag puts her cheek against his head and Orfantal weeps. The horse takes her last breath. He is now numb. He knows that the real world doesn't care about his fantasies. That anyone can be a betrayer and that he can trust no one, not even himself.

This will be long please bear with me. My son is turning 3 in a couple months and we have struggled with his behavior since he was as young as I can remember. (Literally throwing tantrums at 6 months old and could never ever take no for an answer, 0% easygoing.
My son, I hate to call him a dictator but it’s borderline. My husband and I try to be in a good mood, have a great day, and our moods get absolutely trashed due to my toddler’s extremely difficult behavior every single day the whole entire day. To add some quick context, we use respectful parenting, set clear boundaries as best as we can and reinforce them, and also my son is super scarily smart which I’m sure plays a part here. He’s fought naps and sleep since birth so he refuses naps and instead we just put him to bed at 7 and he takes 2 hours to fall asleep, wakes up at 7-8am.
We start the morning off and it’s a meltdown every single morning over what he does and doesn’t want for breakfast. He gets a couple choices, always something he wants or likes. However. He ALWAYS always wants whatever is NOT offered.
Next he refuses to change a diaper, we try to make it fun sometimes, or use language that gets him excited “hey do you think you can get it off all by yourself?? Do you think the robot can help you? Would you like to pick out your clothes? Hey the faster we can change the faster we can go to the park!” It’s still a meltdown until he finally agrees.
We get in the car and before I can even put the car in reverse he starts screaming “GO!!! Mom GO!!!!!!!” PLAY THE SONG. I WANT SNACKS!! THE SUN IS IN MY EYES AHHHHHHHH” cue screaming at the top of his lungs.
We get to the park and he usually bosses other children around and then 20 minutes later comes whining and saying “let’s gooooo. Let’s GOOOO”
We might need to stop for an errand before going home and he freaks out again “NO I want to go HOME!!!” But if we are going home he says “NOOO I don’t want to go HOME!!!”
Then a bunch of these repeat, he freaks out that we can’t play with him right this second, or we’re not playing the right way, or if we go to reply to a message quick or check the oven quick, he gets upset. If we play 30 minutes undivided attention it’s another huge meltdown because he doesn’t want us to stop.
Even if I tell him “be careful sweetie, stay on the sidewalk please. The road is dangerous” he screams at me “DONT SAY THAT STOP TALKING!!!” I genuinely don’t know what to say when he constantly back talks. I think I tell him 300x a day,” ask me nicely please. He definitely knows how. But if we are home, I tell him that’s not how we talk to others and if he does/says xyz again then we are going to the bedroom to calm our body down. And he says “no YOU are going to the bedroom to calm YOUR body down” like… what do I say to this?? How do I handle this??”
This is already long so I’m going to stop here. But it’s gotten to the point that he has so many god damn meltdowns, crying, whining and back talking episodes a day I feel like my brain is being fried to the stem. I feel like I have no patience anymore, no empathy for his never ending tears, resentment for him being more difficult than anyone’s else’s kids I know since he was born and frankly I don’t enjoy being around him anymore. I love him to death but the stress I’m enduring is gonna kill me. I am totally lost. I don’t know what’s normal and not. This feels very extreme. I truly don’t know how to handle him anymore.

My study today was spent defending Jesus as a law-giver and law-keeper. I learned that Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin. (Matthew 19:8, Mark 3:1-5, Romans 5:13) Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth. (John 16:12-15)
We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Him. As we grow spiritually, we leave behind logic that no longer seems reasonable. (Psalm 17:15, Matthew 10:25, 1 Corinthians 13:11-13)
Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law. (Deuteronomy 18:15, Acts 3:22, Jeremiah 31:31-34) Mankind was not ready to receive, much less live out, the fullness of the law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. (Deuteronomy 18:15-19, 1 John 2:27) Jesus explained, "I did not come to destroy the law and the prophets, but to fulfill." He also explained how vital it is to keep the whole law. (Matthew 5:17-20)
Throughout the Hebrew scriptures, we are warned not to "turn to the right hand or the left" in keeping the law. (Deuteronomy 5:32, Deuteronomy 17:1, Deuteronomy 28:14, Joshua 23:6) It means not to do more or less than what it says. The way Jesus kept the law (including the Sabbath law) was a correction of the rulers' current practices. Jesus used scripture, creation, and divinely appointed miracles to show people that they were the ones in the wrong.
Most of the laws Jesus explained to us are more easily broken than the law of Moses. We are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. (Matthew 5:43-45, Psalm 139:21-22) We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts. God's Holy Spirit makes us people of truth and love.
All Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. Don't you find it strange that Jesus, the Author of Life, is constantly condemned for promoting life and love in the Bible? (Matthew 12:1-24) The Word of God says, "When my father and mother forsake me, the Lord shall take me up." (Psalm 27:10) Jesus, the Word of God made flesh, kept his promises, even on the Sabbath. (John 1:1, John 1:14, Numbers 23:19, Isaiah 40:8) This is the greatest complaint against him among our Jewish brethren today.
In this study, I learned that God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us. (John 5:17, Mark 2:27) It was God that kept manna from spoiling and breeding worms every Sabbath day in the wilderness. (Exodus 16:24) Jesus used King David, and those who served in the Temple as examples and proof of God's will. We are to serve God and support life every day, including the Sabbath. I finished this study wondering if, "a day with the Lord is as a thousand years," was a literal statement. (2 Peter 3:8, Psalm 90:4) I hope that God will be finished making us into our final form when Jesus is ready for his Sabbath rest with his bride. (Psalm 95:6-11, Hebrews 4:1-12, John 3:26-36)
In Jesus' day, it went against Jewish tradition to fast on the Sabbath. Jesus' disciples did not have food to eat. They were not offered a meal by their peers. Instead they accused Jesus' disciples of breaking the Sabbath because they made produce fit to eat by using their hands to take and rub clean the food God gave them. (Deuteronomy 23:25, Matthew 12:1-7)
I believe the only accusation anyone can have against Jesus is over whether or not he really was one with God. There is no doubt in my mind that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and it cost his life. (Matthew 26:65, Isaiah 53:12)
I spent quite a bit thinking on this passage, where Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The scene takes place during Hanukkah, which is also a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? No wonder we needed a Messiah to change our hearts! (Zechariah 12:10, John 19:34-37)
John 10:22-33 NLT
22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."
How can anyone save people who can't discern between their friends and their enemies? How could people bent on causing death appreciate the life-supporting logic of Jesus?
Jesus' logic made sense to those who realized that "an eye for an eye" would make the whole world blind. They had learned enough about judgment to see their need for mercy.
It was God's love for mercy that drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature. (Hebrews 12:2-4, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Hosea 6:1-6)
Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

Scripture references:
Jesus' interpretations of justice and mercy were always in existence. We were not made privy to them because of our human frailty, and our hearts hardened by sin.
Matthew 19:8 NLT

8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.

Mark 3:1-5 NLT

1 Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. 2 Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus' enemies watched him closely. If he healed the man's hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. 3 Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, "Come and stand in front of everyone." 4 Then he turned to his critics and asked, "Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?" But they wouldn't answer him. 5 He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored!

Romans 5:13 NKJV

(For until the law sin was in the world, but sin is not imputed when there is no law.

Even now, the parables reveal things to us that we were not ready to receive when our Lord walked the earth.
John 16:12-15 NLT

12 "There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. 14 He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me. 15 All that belongs to the Father is mine; this is why I said, 'The Spirit will tell you whatever he receives from me.'

We're made in God's image. Every lesson of life we learn, makes us more like Himself. No person stays a child forever.
Psalm 17:15 NKJV

15 As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

Matthew 10:25

“It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household!

1 Corinthians 13:11-13 NKJV

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Jesus, the prophesied Messiah, came to give us a greater, and more glorious law.
Deuteronomy 18:15 NKJV

15 "The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your midst, from your brethren. Him you shall hear,

Acts 3:22 NKJV

22 "For Moses truly said to the fathers, 'The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your brethren. Him you shall hear in all things, whatever He says to you.

Jeremiah 31:31-34 NKJV

31 "Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah-- 32 "not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD. 33 "But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 "No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more."

Mankind was not ready to receive the complete law when it was given on Mt. Sinai. Even now, we are being perfected and learning, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit
**Deuteronomy 18:15-19 NLT - 15 Moses continued, "The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your fellow Israelites. You must listen to him. 16 For this is what you yourselves requested of the LORD your God when you were assembled at Mount Sinai. You said, 'Don't let us hear the voice of the LORD our God anymore or see this blazing fire, for we will die.' 17 "Then the LORD said to me, 'What they have said is right. 18 I will raise up a prophet like you from among their fellow Israelites. I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell the people everything I command him. 19 I will personally deal with anyone who will not listen to the messages the prophet proclaims on my behalf.
1 John 2:27 NLT - 27 But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true--it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.
Jesus explained that He didn't come to destroy God's Laws. He also explained how vital it is to keep them.
Matthew 5:17-20

17 "Don't misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to complete them. 18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not even the smallest detail of God's law will disappear until its purpose is achieved. 19 So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven. 20 "But I warn you--unless your righteousness is better than the righteousness of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Scripture warns us not to "turn to the right hand or the left" from following God's commands. This means not to do more or less than what it says.
Deuteronomy 5:32 NLT

32 So Moses told the people, "You must be careful to obey all the commands of the LORD your God, following his instructions in every detail.

Deuteronomy 17:1 NLT

1 "Never sacrifice sick or defective cattle, sheep, or goats to the LORD your God, for he detests such gifts.

Deuteronomy 28:14 NLT

14 You must not turn away from any of the commands I am giving you today, nor follow after other gods and worship them.

Joshua 23:6 NLT

6 "So be very careful to follow everything Moses wrote in the Book of Instruction. Do not deviate from it, turning either to the right or to the left.

The way Jesus kept the law was a correction of traditions. Jesus used scripture, creation, and miracles to show people the truth.
Under Jesus' glorified laws, we are no longer even allowed to hate, much less murder. We can only keep these laws by the power of the Holy Spirit who changes our hearts.
Matthew 5:43-44 New Covenant: love your enemies, hate their sin.

43 "You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

Psalm 139:21-22 Old Covenant: hate those who hate God.

21 O LORD, shouldn't I hate those who hate you? Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you? 22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.

Jesus' corrections of the commandments were scorned in his day. The Sabbath corrections were only well-received by those who knew they needed mercy.
Matthew 12:1-24 NLT

1 At about that time Jesus was walking through some grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, so they began breaking off some heads of grain and eating them. 2 But some Pharisees saw them do it and protested, "Look, your disciples are breaking the law by harvesting grain on the Sabbath." 3 Jesus said to them, "Haven't you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry? 4 He went into the house of God, and he and his companions broke the law by eating the sacred loaves of bread that only the priests are allowed to eat. 5 And haven't you read in the law of Moses that the priests on duty in the Temple may work on the Sabbath? 6 I tell you, there is one here who is even greater than the Temple! 7 But you would not have condemned my innocent disciples if you knew the meaning of this Scripture: 'I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.' 8 For the Son of Man is Lord, even over the Sabbath!" 9 Then Jesus went over to their synagogue, 10 where he noticed a man with a deformed hand. The Pharisees asked Jesus, "Does the law permit a person to work by healing on the Sabbath?" (They were hoping he would say yes, so they could bring charges against him.) 11 And he answered, "If you had a sheep that fell into a well on the Sabbath, wouldn't you work to pull it out? Of course you would. 12 And how much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Yes, the law permits a person to do good on the Sabbath." 13 Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." So the man held out his hand, and it was restored, just like the other one! 14 Then the Pharisees called a meeting to plot how to kill Jesus. 15 But Jesus knew what they were planning. So he left that area, and many people followed him. He healed all the sick among them, 16 but he warned them not to reveal who he was. 17 This fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah concerning him: 18 "Look at my Servant, whom I have chosen. He is my Beloved, who pleases me. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. 19 He will not fight or shout or raise his voice in public. 20 He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Finally he will cause justice to be victorious. 21 And his name will be the hope of all the world." 22 Then a demon-possessed man, who was blind and couldn't speak, was brought to Jesus. He healed the man so that he could both speak and see. 23 The crowd was amazed and asked, "Could it be that Jesus is the Son of David, the Messiah?" 24 But when the Pharisees heard about the miracle, they said, "No wonder he can cast out demons. He gets his power from Satan, the prince of demons."

Psalm 27:10

10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take care of me.

God keeps his promises, even on the Sabbath.
John 1:1, 14 NKJV

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ... 14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

Numbers 23:19 NKJV

19 "God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Isaiah 40:8 NKJV

8 The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever."

God has always worked on the Sabbath he gave us.
John 5:17 NKJV

17 But Jesus answered them, "My Father has been working until now, and I have been working."

Mark 2:27 NKJV

27 And He said to them, "The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.

Exodus 16:24 NKJV

24 So they laid it up till morning, as Moses commanded; and it did not stink, nor were there any worms in it.

The rulers of Jesus' day made Sabbath laws that conflicted for the poor. They falsely accused Jesus' followers of harvesting on the Sabbath when they legally took what God provided.
Deuteronomy 23:25 NKJV

25 "When you come into your neighbor's standing grain, you may pluck the heads with your hand, but you shall not use a sickle on your neighbor's standing grain.

Matthew 12:1-7 NKJV

1 At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. And His disciples were hungry, and began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. 2 And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to Him, "Look, Your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath!" 3 But He said to them, "Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, he and those who were with him: 4 "how he entered the house of God and ate the showbread which was not lawful for him to eat, nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 "Or have you not read in the law that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath, and are blameless? 6 "Yet I say to you that in this place there is One greater than the temple. 7 "But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless.

Some people say Jesus deserved to die for breaking the law. I know that Jesus spoke the truth of who he was, and paid for it with his life.
Matthew 26:62-65 NKJV

62 And the high priest arose and said to Him, "Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?" 63 But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, "I put You under oath by the living God: Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!" 64 Jesus said to him, "It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven." 65 Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying, "He has spoken blasphemy! What further need do we have of witnesses? Look, now you have heard His blasphemy!

Isaiah 53:12 NKJV - 12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, And He shall divide the spoil with the strong, Because He poured out His soul unto death, And He was numbered with the transgressors, And He bore the sin of many, And made intercession for the transgressors.
Jesus was nearly stoned to death before his crucifixion. The account takes place during Hanukkah, a time when fasting and mourning are not lawful... yet hate and envy seem to be allowed? We needed a Messiah to change our hearts!
John 10:22-33 NLT

22 It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication, 23 He was in the Temple, walking through the section known as Solomon's Colonnade. 24 The people surrounded him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." 25 Jesus replied, "I have already told you, and you don't believe me. The proof is the work I do in my Father's name. 26 But you don't believe me because you are not my sheep. 27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. 30 The Father and I are one." 31 Once again the people picked up stones to kill him. 32 Jesus said, "At my Father's direction I have done many good works. For which one are you going to stone me?" 33 They replied, "We're stoning you not for any good work, but for blasphemy! You, a mere man, claim to be God."

Zechariah 12:10 NKJV

“And I will pour on the house of David and on the inhabitants of Jerusalem the Spirit of grace and supplication; then they will look on Me whom they pierced. Yes, they will mourn for Him as one mourns for his only son, and grieve for Him as one grieves for a firstborn.

John 19:34-37 NKJV

34 But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately blood and water came out. 35 And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe. 36 For these things were done that the Scripture should be fulfilled, "Not one of His bones shall be broken." 37 And again another Scripture says, "They shall look on Him whom they pierced."

Jesus' logic made sense to those who had seen enough judgment to realize their need for mercy.
God's love drove him to sacrifice for us, Jews and Gentiles alike. May we show one another mercy, by resisting our judgmental, sinful nature.
Hebrews 12:2-4 NKJV

2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 NKJV

13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

Hosea 6:1-6 NKJV

1 Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. 2 After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. 3 Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. 4 "O Ephraim, what shall I do to you? O Judah, what shall I do to you? For your faithfulness is like a morning cloud, And like the early dew it goes away. 5 Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets, I have slain them by the words of My mouth; And your judgments are like light that goes forth. 6 For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.

Acts 17:30-31 NLT

30 "God overlooked people's ignorance about these things in earlier times, but now he commands everyone everywhere to repent of their sins and turn to him. 31 For he has set a day for judging the world with justice by the man he has appointed, and he proved to everyone who this is by raising Him from the dead."

May God's truth and love permeate our lives and make us more like Him.

It's my husband's first father's day (we have an 8mo) and I went all out. Naturally, I'm an individual who can't keep my mouth shut and as soon as the gifts arrived, I told him they were here and asked if he wanted them early and he said yes. I bought him one of those paintings to remember loved ones. He has said multiple times that he wished his best friend could have met our daughter. So I hired someone to paint a picture of his late best friend holding our daughter. I then got him 3 other heavily personalized items. Things he can use every day, but they have things on them. Like a photo of him and our daughter or one has him and our daughters name engraved in it. I spent $400 on everything and I was so fucking excited to give them these gifts. I didn't even get a thank you. His mom was here when he opened the stuff and she was crying, but I didn't even see him smile and he hasn't touched anything I got him and it's been a week since he opened everything.
Well, on Saturday we were having some drinks and he just straight up told me that he didn't like his gifts. He says "I like practical stuff, you know that. I can't use the stuff you bought me because it'll get lost or broken. So I'm never going to be able to touch that stuff. It'll just be on a shelf collecting dust." He then said the painting gave him "weird vibes". It honestly gutted me. I had put so much thought in to these gifts and I had made a point to get him shit that he could absolutely use every single day because I KNOW he likes practical gifts and he just doesn't like any of it. Says he appreciates the gesture and that it was thoughtful but he truly didn't like them and that he was sorry and that he wished he loved them but he "can't". All he got me for mother's day was a fucking blender, that I had been asking for for like 3 years, and a Happy Mother's day text. My night was immediately soured and I've honestly been really hurt since.
He finally asked me this morning what was wrong and I was honest and told him that I wished he never told me that he hated what I got him because I spent so much time, money, and effort in to these gifts and was so excited to give them to him, just to be gutted. He immediately looked irritated and started heavy sighing and saying things like "next time I should just lie then I guess" and then left for work. AITA? He is otherwise fantastic and our relationship truly is great. But his brutal honesty killed me this time around.
ETA: when I showed my husband the artist who does the "ghost" paintings 6 months ago, he said "omg that's awesome". That's the ONLY reason I bothered to waste that much money.

So I'm a collector and have nearly 300 bears, maybe more I lost count a while ago haha. My husband knew about this hobby before we met, actually when we met I only had 20 bears. He loves it, and says he really likes the way you look at our house and know I live there because of the bears. However! My coworkers are insanely judgemental about this, which actually doesn't bother me because it's not their money or their house. BUT they've began to insist that my husband actually hates the bears and wants me to get rid of them. And it's getting to me. I just constantly worry that they're right. Even when my husband does something that proves he likes them (like today he thought a new Hello Kitty came out and he sent me a text telling me to order her) there's just this voice in my head telling me he hates them. How do I get over this???

She constantly starts ranting about his bad qualities, how he's lazy, how much she dislikes him, then even waits for a response from me (as if to agree with her). Genuinely wtf am I supposed to say in return when you, a grown woman, is trauma dumping about your husband to your 20 year old daughter??
I feel so conflicted because I admit my dad has mistreated her in the past, and she's a product of a misogynistic society so she probably can't let out her frustrations to him directly since he's a man.
But I still don't understand what I'm supposed to do. I'm so busy with university, I don't want to be a therapist for your relationship problems. I know you hate him but literally what do you want me to do about it?? I empathised at first but now I'm so sick and tired of the daily nagging I feel like I'm going crazy. It stresses me out and takes such a mental toll on me because its not like she's looking for advice or anything, she just wants me to listen to and agree with her talking shit about my father. Some of the things she says behind his back are so mean. I've always been closer to my mother but I can't believe she expects me to hate my dad. He's still one half of my biological parents and whenever she insults certain traits I also start to feel attacked (because yk I share DNA with him). I feel so sorry for him sometimes
Btw I did once have a breakdown and yelled about how I hate when she does this but she forgot that ever happened. I can't confront her because I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with any more arguments.
She doesn't have the courage to say any of this to HIS FACE so I guess I'm her only outlet as the eldest child
My worst fear is ending up in a loveless marriage like my parents

I should probably wait to see how things play out, but my thoughts have been everywhere, so here's the story:
A few days ago, my husband (29M) and I (25F) went to the dmv and fixed his driving license application. He went from having an AB60 to a regular application since he recently received his social security number, (so now he can test without having the secondary review.)
Before this time, he felt the emotional experience of an immigrant. Anxiety, fear, worry. He normally had handled these emotions well, but about a month ago he released them onto me. At the time I had been only a week or two out of the hospital. I had experienced tachycardia after work and got an ambulance to take me to the hospital. It happened to me again the night after I was released, so the second time I was admitted.
By the time I was released I was given medication. One doctor told me I didn't have restrictions, but the original doctor who admitted me saw how traumatized I was from the experience and told me to take it easy and do self care and self loving things. Which was a good call since my medicine only lasted me 4 hours in the beginning. I was also dizzy, had muscle spasms, headaches and was sensitive to light. I was lucky if my medicine would last for 6 or 8 hours. My medicine lasts way longer now, but I've had a month of recovery already.
But a week or two in, still experiencing these symptoms, my husband was worried about me not working. He was afraid of what immigration would think or say if they saw I didn't have income since I'm his primary sponsor. I told him I wasn't going back to work, and if I did, it would be way later at a different job that is less physically demanding.
Mind you, he already received his social security by then, he just didn't have his license and he wanted that first before applying to jobs since the jobs he wanted required him to have a license. He currently works, but under the table, and they won't put him on their payroll, making him worried about immigration not seeing income. And thus, why he came to me with these worries.
But because of my condition I said no to working again, making him asked me "What if I get deported?" "What would you do?" "Would you still want to be together?" "Would you find someone else?" I hated these questions, but knew they should be addressed and told him that it really depends on him if he can handle or want a long distance relationship. Because to me it was a no brainier to still maintain a relationship with him somehow if deportation happened, yet his mind went in a different direction and it made me feel like he would leave me if he did get deported. I mentioned this and he reassured me that he would still be with me, but wanted to know how I thought or felt about that situation.
After this conversation happened, he asked me about work again a different day, but instead mentioned about considering having a different occupation, which I agreed too, but I mentioned I need to recover first then search, which can take months since job hunting isn't easy these days, especially if they're not willing to accommodate.
I don't remember what happened next, but I do remember getting fed up and telling him my symptoms and the freaking emotional pain I was going through. I didn't cry the time I had my tachycardia, the whole time I stayed numb to make sure I didn't make my condition worse, so once I had my medicine I controlled my crying. I let the stress out but not let it consume me, worried it would lessen the effect of my medicine. Once I explained, he dropped the work conversation completely and said, "He'll figure something out." And he did.
It's been a month now from this and he just recently got his driver's application fixed as I mentioned above. In a few days he's going to take the written test and hopefully the driver's test soon after. But when he told me this, he said he was probably going to go with his friend, who is a teenager (19M) he looks after for his friend, which wasn't weird but it felt like he didn't want me to go with them. I asked him, "You don't want me to go with you?" Since we met we went everywhere together. Only recently after my incident, when I was really dizzy I would stay home, but now that I've improved I've gone back to being with him everywhere. He then told me it would be weird if I went.
I don't understand why he's saying this suddenly. And after he got his social, fixed the work situation, and his driver's application??? And his excuse is that it's awkward because him and the teenager, that there's too much silence. And since I don't speak their native language it will just be me talking to my husband and my husband talking to the teenager. He said the same thing about me joining to help this teenager fill in his college application.
His dad (55M) doesn't know much English, (he immigrated 5 years ago) and what he does know, it's hard to understand sometimes, so my husband is going to help his friend's son fill out that paperwork. Yet I might go because my husband sometimes has a hard time interpreting English, since there are many things he doesn't fully understand, so I might go to explain things better to him and he'll translate to the teenager. But I might not go since he doesn't know how his friend will feel if I joined since they'll be taking his car since my husband doesn't have one.
It sounds really weird but his friend is an elder who doesn't like seeing affection. Like he was put off when he saw us holding hands. And my husband is big on respecting his elders, and knowing he has been uncomfortable about us as an item in the past, he doesn't want to upset his friend. Especially since he helped him have a place to stay when he immigrated here. And he's still living with him and his son at the moment, so he doesn't want to take the risk of upsetting him. Either way, I don't understand why the sudden change of "it would be weird," but not if my purpose of going with them is to help. Maybe I'm misunderstanding from a language barrier, or maybe I'm not understanding his situation enough, or maybe he hasn't communicated correctly on what he means, but I'm worried that this will lead to more moments where he doesn't want me around as much.
What do you think? Am I overthinking or misunderstanding? Miscommunication? Maybe misunderstanding due to language barrier? Or overthinking?
TL;DR I had a conversation with my husband that made me fear being thrown away

For some background, I wasn’t raised religiously at all. I went to church with my favorite aunt as a kid a couple of times and even then I felt silly, out of place and as if I was putting on some kind of mask. I stopped going when I was shown the Passion of the Christ at like age 5 and thought it was the weirdest thing ever.
I’m not sure what I would classify myself as now, maybe an agnostic deist with a very absurdist outlook😅? I’m now married to someone with a very different upbringing (Christian homeschooled) and I love him but he fails to see why I don’t get the same comfort from his religion that he does. I have some mental health issues and tend do have some rough days and tbh it just feels like such a lame thing to be told “just believe in jesus/god and he’ll help you”. It actually almost kind of hurts my feelings to be told that, as if I am doing something wrong and have to “repent” to not live in constant mental anguish.
I wish nothing more than to be able to place my faith in an “all knowing all loving” deity and be truly happy but I can’t. It makes no sense to me. I’ve read the Bible and I failed to feel the presence of “God” within those words (unless the presence of god is that of uneasiness), failed to see how this book , written thousands of years ago by people who I can’t verify, has any sort of meaning to me or hold any importance in my life other than it being an ancient collection of stories to try and explain the world around them. It’s the equivalent to the Odyssey or To Kill a Mockingbird. And yes I’ve tried reading it “with an open heart”. Again I just fail to see what divine role some words on paper are supposed to play for someone going into it blindly. Christians act like it’s a lifesaving piece of text but how am I supposed believe people rose from the dead or that God talked through them. Finding out people actually believe this stuff is crazy as it literally could not be less convincing (you guys have to realize this right?) and not backed up by scientific data.
I am told to pray: to pray about what? I live in the most privileged country in the world and the things that I pray for are bullshit compared to what sick children and people in abject poverty pray for. If the most helpless people’s prayers aren’t answered why would my silly requests be fulfilled? (Ps they haven’t) Also, I’d like to point out that if I ever “heard the voice of god”, I’d check myself into psych ward. Or what if I do hear the voice of god and he tells me to do terrible things? How can anyone prove that it is not god talking to me but that I am crazy?
Tried Going to church recently;didn’t make me feel good as they spewed hate about gay people and Arab people. I tried to be supportive of my husband but had to walk out or I thought I was gonna strangle the pastor. I understand all churches are different but how is that kind of rhetoric supposed to uplift anyone or encourage “a relationship with god”.
I have tried time and time again to have faith. I’ve opened myself up for new opportunities with this but I never feel that sense of euphoria or truth that everyone says I should. Infact, if it really is all true, I fail to see the reason why he decides to reach out to some people and not others. That’s not a characteristic of a deity I want to follow and worship.
Also heaven sounds worse than eternal oblivion. Why would I want my soul to live forever in a constate state of euphoria and worship? This life is enough and when I’m done I want to be done. That’s what makes this life worth living; pursuing my dreams and desires, not the (conditional) promise of “salvation”
Just curious as to what you guys suggest I do to find god or explain why he hasn’t “answered”. I’ve asked my husband (devout Christian ) these same things and he couldn’t really give me an answer. He actually broke down crying when I said I don’t think I will ever understand that stuff and didn’t.

Throwaway, cus I don’t want this info anywhere near my main.
My parents are in their late 30s. my dad was always great to us (I have a brother and a sister) but he hates my mom. They’ve been married for 17 years, renewed their vows, they are always together, but he always is really mean to her and complains about her. He always made us show her respect but never showed her any himself.
He calls her stupid and r-worded and my mom just puts up with it. Idk why. I never asked about. He’s never been like that to us. Like one morning we woke up and played madden and my mom came down and said “should I make some breakfast for my little gamers?” And he just said “yeah.” And then I said “yeah thanks mom” and he said “You say YES PLEASE when your mothers talking to you.” And I was like “oh. yes please thanks mom” and then for the rest of the morning just totally shit on her and it was hella awkward. He even yelled at her to get out because she overcooked something and she just was like “ok. Sorry” and went back upstairs.
Like I know it’s one thing for wifes to clean up after husbands sometimes but he makes her do it all the time. Like he always makes her throw away his garbage and bring him snacks and stuff. Like if we’re watching a movie he’ll tell her to go make popcorn.
And if she messes anything up he’ll call her a ton of names. Pretty recently he told her to set up the PlayStation in the living room because him and my little brother were going to play 2k and she messed something up and he was like “you just mess everything up you can’t do anything right.” And she was like “well I thought hdmi went into hdmi in” and he’s like “yeah that’s because you’re fucking r_tarded” And she just said “I know” And another time recently he was like “god you’re so fucking stupid” and she was like “I know…” and he said “well at least you’re self aware.”
She always hugs and kisses him but he looks annoyed when she does. When they sit together she wraps her arms around him and he’ll either push her off to play cards on his phone or just let her be.
This might be minor or normal but she doesn’t talk to any dudes. Like, literally she will flat out refuse to speak to them. When I was little I remember one time she was freaking out because we were in the store and this was before self checkout was everywhere and there were no female cashiers and I asked why we couldn’t go to lane #3 and she said “I’m not allowed to, I’ll be in trouble with daddy if I do” and she ended up paying for everything at the electronics desk because that’s the only female cashier she could find.
Dad doesnt do any drugs or smoke, like he’ll have a beer sometimes but that’s about it. He’s always been an amazing dad to us but idk anymore. If he hates her so much idk why he doesn’t divorce her.
I always thought this was normal because they’re conservative but now that I’m older I kinda learned it’s far from normal. My mom would literally die for him (she tells us all tells time) and he really couldn’t care less about her… it’s sad, man. It hurts to see my mom in that situation.
If this is how he is when his kids are around I don't even wanna know how he is when we aren't.

My relationship with my husband is almost 18 years long. With a 22 month break. We are coming up to our 9 year anniversary soon and well I am just plain tired of it. I don’t want to anymore I have tried to leave and have him leave over the last 3-4 years because I hate the way he makes me feel. I am not in love with him by any means. And at times I feel like throwing up when kissing him but I do it because he won’t leave. Yes I know I can leave but we have three kids together and honestly it’s just easier for him to leave.
Last week i mentally broke up with him after nasty text messages he sent me, and i when silent for two day bc I couldn’t believe what he wrote. It was a “hypothetical” situation about a wife sleeping around with his friend and if the lover and now ex- husband die who would she cry over. I said wtf and prolly both. We was like yeah that wife should prolly kill her self too.
I was like where the hell is this coming from. He’s like life experience. In the 18 years we have been together I have never cheated or attempted to cheat on him. He on the other hand has attempted sober, as a drunk I have no idea but I can only guess a few times he has.
Last week he took me for a drive so he could get me to talk to him about what was going on and why I wasn’t talking. I didn’t want to talk to him, I still don’t want to talk to him. I hate him. I don’t want to be with him. After driving for 30-45min he finds dirt road (I’m waiting for a phone call, to discuss things about our phone plans) he finally stops on this dirt road, I get out of the car bc I need to pee, and then I go back to the car, he’s like where are you going as he’s getting out and locks the door. I walk to the front of the car and the phone company calls me then he bend me over the hood and has his way with me while I am on the phone. ( on a normal good day, I’m soo down for this, but in the current situation, no sir I am not) the angle wasn’t good and the. He takes me to the trunk then finishes while on the phone with the phone company.
On the way back to town to grab our kids From an after school activities he’s asking me to talk and what the matter, I didn’t want to talk bc I just hate him and I have no flight left for this relationship. We get back to the kids school and have a few minutes before we had to get them, he parked a bit away and was pulling on my face and hair for me to look at him and talk. I didn’t want to. He wouldn’t respect it. We got the kids went home and dropped them off, I’m sure her covered my buckle so I couldn’t undo it and get out, and we took off again. He said this drive wouldn’t end until I talked to him. He finally stopped I wooded area and I said to him, is this were you want me to unalive my self, he’s like only if you are having an affair. I told him I am done with these accusations I’m done with it all, and he told me that I am not done and that I cannot end it, and made me pinkie promise that if this comes up again then I can leave. There are a lot of things he does, I have lost lots of friends bc of him, my family, I have gone into bankruptcy 2 times, we can fix his credit but not mine. I was 1hr late coming home from work he said he was going to be in bed when I got home anyways . I was talking to a coworker that I haven’t really spoken with in a few months and she is moving in a month, and he’s like I thought you abandoned me. I said I am allowed to talk with people after work. He’s like no, you have time durning work. I said no I don’t. I vent a lot to some of the close people I have do have bc I don’t have a true friend really that I can hang out with. I just need to process this allowed. He tells me it get back to him, and he doesn’t like to made out to being an monster , when he’s not one.
There’s soo much more. I need help, words of encouragement, I don’t know how much longer I can hold out for