Wrist lump no pain

Wanted to share my story in case it helps others!
Went in for some upper right rib pain and my doctor found a lump in my breast. Had a mammogram (had to fight a bit for it because I’m 32 and that’s not “protocol”) and a subsequent ultrasound. Here are the findings from the mammo and ultrasound:
MAMMOGRAM FINDINGS:
In the right breast at 10:00 3 cm from the nipple anterior depth, there is a 1.2 cm oval mass.
No suspicious findings in the left breast
BILATERAL BREAST ULTRASOUND
Targeted right breast ultrasound in the area of the mammographic finding at 10:00 2 cm from the nipple demonstrates a 1.2 cm oval mass with microlobulated margins. There is an immediately adjacent 0.6 cm oval circumscribed hypoechoic mass. No right axillary adenopathy.
They told me that my masses had suspicious characteristics and didn’t offer any reassuring information about it potentially being benign. I thought this was a bad sign.
I had a biopsy a week later. It was rather pain free. I kept my eyes closed the whole time. Since there are two masses, they had me at a weird angle so they could try to get them both from the same entry! Took a bit longer because of this - maybe an hour total. After the biopsy, I rotated ice on and off for the day and then had some bruising and soreness but never enough to take any Tylenol.
I waited 3 business days (5 with weekend) and got the benign results!
A. Breast, right, ultrasound guided needle biopsy: Fibroadenoma. Negative for atypia and malignancy.
My doctor said that I will have a follow up to discuss frequency of mammograms but nothing needs to be handled via surgery at this point.
The characteristics, especially “microlobulated” freaked me out so much when I googled. Just know that these can be benign and most are!
TL/DR: BIRADS 4, two adjacent masses, microlobulated and circumscribed hypoechoic. Both are benign fibroadenomas.
Sending you strength if you’re going through this stressful time. Whatever the outcome, you will be OK!

Sick p0rn videos wherein dudes slap and punch women concussions are traumatizing, stories of domestic violence are traumatizing, but worse is stranger-violence on women (like the recent NYC trend of black psycho dude(s) punching white women randomly, with legal impunity), but the worst of the worst is police violence toward helpless defenceless women, and boy oh boy is there plenty in that category, and they too have legal impunity.
Makes one physically sick to think of how traumatized these women must have become of law-enforcers, of saying no (punching women if they resist arrest is very legal and encouraged and taugh to all cops as training), of touching strangers, of being drunk in public, of flirting with the wrong dude while drunk, of men in general, and even more sickening is the knowledge that they'd forever be brain-damaged and basically on a set path toward slow and painful death, and the most blood-boiling is the fact that these psychos never face any consequences.
Majority of cops are domestic abusers themselves, in fact, cops were the ones who resisted illegalizing domestic violence in the 80s the most when it was illegalized; majority of cops are psychopaths; there's literally no reason, none, zero, nil, whatsoever, to believe that cops serve the people, neither economical (they get their salaries regardless), nor judicial (cops effectively have impunity), nor moral (only psychos are attracted to job-openings for cops, the way things are).
Likewise, women who feel safe in public, in people's presence, assuming they're there to protect them, are wholly mistaken too; random street assaults on women are very legal, samaritans punished, and chivilry long dead.
Likewise, there's no reason for a woman to feel safe in a domestic setting either, because domestic violence is universally legal too (as in, the punishment for it is a slap of the wrist, if at all), and the numbers haven't changed much; it's still as prevelent as it was before.
Richard Wrangham's work on Chimps and human evol psychology is very disturbing and pessimistic too; there's literally no hope of things ever changing. Democracy is the root cause of all evil, but at least under it, there's the illusion that women are cared for and protected for, at least it sustains the fantasy of women being treated as first class citizens with basic human rights (all a lie); once the democratic house of cards built on fiat-fiasco collapses, like that Iranian girl-reddittor's prophesy, we'd be back to square one, the west would resemble the Islamic states like it did a few centuries ago, feminism would be long dead, feminists witch-hunted, and women would lose all their rights.
Trapped in a cycle of being angry, mad, sad, daydreaming of changing the laws, fixing the mess, realizing that it's never gonna happen, being depressed, feeling helpless, powerless, searching for some silver lining, binging on theoretical back-and-forth arguments, imagining an alternate society, daydreaming of changing the laws and fixing to mess to reach that alternate way of things, only to be depressed again, over and over and over.
If I could I would go undo all these memories, all this online trauma; funny that nude pics and videos are generally censored and blurred all over the internet, spoilers tagged and marked as such too, but these highly disturbing mentally traumatizing videos circulate mainstream freely as though a normal part of life, as though uncensored boobs are more dangerous to society than a sight of a woman punched and knocked out with her nose bleeding! Not surprising; we're descendants of psychopaths; most of kids' cartoon shows are pretty violent and vile too, and these kids are allowed and feel thrilled to watch boxing/wrestling matches, and with all this equal-rights-equal-fights nonsense, watching women knocked out by men is only a natural step forward; a sick desensitized society of psychopaths.
Regret is the worst feeling ever, and helplessness even worse... No way out; none.

This is going to be long, sorry about that.
Hi, so I, a male (27), I have to put the reality that I have a bulged disc and have to to rest for 2 months while I get back to normal; with the assistance of physical therapist, medicine, and rest/ stretches. I have told my family but well they said “you still have to pull your weight” but that pain is an 11/10 after a while. I’m doing better now as I’m able to stand and walk longer; sitting takes its toll still. But they really don’t like me to rest. My mom (F, 52) advocates to go against PT advice and well she did that and now she has a calcified herniated disc due to her stubbornness; she didn’t want to listen to her own PT’s advice.
So my family takes these stray pregnant cat into the apartment. We noticed she has a flea collar and looked clean; but she could have been out there for months or weeks. And well the stray actually gave birth that same day. So that great right? Well on the 3rd day of having her; we were Looking for 2 kittens that ran around and we found them. However, my mom hears the dog howling downstairs and is like “if you go down there, bring him up, my poor dog is losing it”. The dog is a chihuahua / Yorkie mix that clearly has separation anxiety. So I go down there, take a break while they are upstairs and raise my legs cause pain started coming. I bring the dog back up because well she said “they’ve brought the dogs up and it’s went well”. So I bring the dog up, struggling, but I do it (I’m using a cane). We had a gate that would keep the stray in a room. As I get there, my sister (F, 25) is next to the gate. My mom says “let him down”, to which I do. The stray hears that and my sister to slow to react, being next to the gate allows the cat to shove the gate and goes for my dog. I jump into action and try holding the cat down with my arm cause well, it’s my dog; had him since a puppy for crying out loud. And I saw her stance, we own cats (for years), stray was getting ready to jump and attack my dog, so I had to jump. But remember I have a bulged disc on my right side. So I jump and she leaves me with 4 bites; deep hole in my wrist and forearm and a bunch of scratches. I mean seeing that on my body, I’ve never been so enraged. The damage was insane and that happened like 12:45-1pm. But I got up; hurting up my progress for my disc and my arm beat with holes; both on my right side, mind you. My sister and mother tell me told me to leave and didn’t thank me for preventing another attack on my dog. I went downstairs trying to calm down. My mom tried to remedy it to gain sympathy and I’m like “kick the stray out or once the babies are good, kick her out”. I felt like reprimanding the stray for how she left my body and hurt my dog. I was trying to calm down and my mother decided to blast music and I’m like “can you turn it off for a few minutes? I’m trying to calm down”. She respond with “No I want some noise, some music”. I responded with “or call animal control cause I’m going up there for quietness, it was that loud. She’s like “no and says I’ll call the police on you if you go up there”. I’m like “call them, I just took a photo of my arm and it’s time stamped before you call them because she is a stray”. I go there and just drop on the bed but my sister and mom were telling me to leave. It doesn’t stop bleeding so I call my GF (F 25) because she has had cats and dogs and saved strays too. And she also agree that if she attacked once. She agrees I did the right thing to protect my dogs and I confided in her in how I wanted to reprimand the cat because my family told me to the leave the room and didn’t help me calm down. My GF advised that I got to the ER after I told her the situation to get my rabies shot. So I went, as I’m there my bulged disc starts hurting like crazy. I try using multiple chairs to elevate my legs to reduce the pain but pain is like 8/10. I had to do scans for an x-ray and my arm I notice is still squirting and oozing and entry bite wounds are black, my wrist is swollen to the point gravity hurts it; I honestly felt like crying; back is now 8/10 in pain and wrist 9/10. The radiologist made me do poses that were uncomfortable and hurt like crazy. They do a bl$&d analysis and are like “we think we’re gonna give you antibiotics and re-administer some vaccines cause that stray looks like it had something in its bites, as determined from the entry wounds. The swelling was also another worrisome thing about it, so they gave 3 Tylenols, tetanus shot, rabies shot, and 4 antibiotics for each wound. They were painful and I had gone through so much pain for the day, I could barely walk home at this point and felt like my right arm and leg were gonna fall off my body. At this time I realized my family didn’t even offer to help me. When I got home I needed to raise my legs for a few minutes and didn’t want to be in their vicinity. As I’m still letting that help me, my sister is like “Hi, scoot over, my drink is here” and I’m like “There is an empty sofa over there?” And she says “is it even that bad?” referring to my right wrist and forearm injury from the stray. I’m like “no shit, if I got 8-9 shots, now give me a minute, I’ll move soon”. She’s like “well I want to sit here”. I’m like “how about you check on the stray you sided with while I protected our dog? And stop being a d@$&head” And she makes the excuse “she stopped or was gonna stop!” And she said “you didn’t have to stop her”. I’m like “I did something you both weren’t going to do or were to slow to do and I needed to protect our dog” and her response is “who’s gonna protect her?”. My mom smiling and laughing and I’m like “I protect our dog and not even a thank you, Screw it”. And I continued with “yall didn’t really care if I was okay not even to help”. Luckily my GF was on the phone hearing everything and as I’m talking her to make me feel less alone, my mom blasts the music on purpose so I couldn’t hear her or her me but I had earphones with a mic. We concluded that it was best to Alienate myself from my family. AITA for trying to remove the cats?
Update 1: So it’s been a week since I wrote this. We tried to have someone from a none-profit organization to collect the kittens cause the living environment that my family has them in includes housing them in a location that can be taken at anytime. Feeding them from 3-6 hours, not picking up the feces or fecal matter. We tried talking to them the day before about surrendering the cats. So I wouldn’t have to call animal control and go straight to a caring resource. My family threatened to destroy my property and things, including kicking me out to an unstable apartment or throwing my stuff out, if I didn’t return the cats. I ended up crying in the middle of a train station with my GF and made a compromise to keep my stuff until I move it to storage (like my family wanted) and live with my family once I returned the cats. So I comprised and brought the cats back.
Update 2: it’s been 2 weeks and now my family wants me to leave, even though they have the cats. And that I need to go but I don’t have anywhere to officially go. Do you have any words for my situation?

Quick rundown is that I’m an HLAB27+ 32yo female with family history of AS (dad and grandfather). Various symptoms for about 17 years but only recently saw a rheumy who is “highly suspicious” that I have AS but no official diagnosis yet. MRI did show some edema and inflammation in left SI joint but it was fairly minimal so not a slam dunk for diagnosis. Next step is trying a biologic (Humira) as diagnostic tool and pray it helps. Feels worth saying that I have an active lifestyle and exercise / eat well and drink minimally. I do have a stressful job as a junior executive at a movie studio but I manage the stress okay for the most part.
I’ve had increasingly bad flare up type experiences but without the official diagnosis I’m curious if this does indeed sound like an AS flare up to you all.
When I have multiple demanding days in a row - in this case it was flying from NY to Florida May 11-14 for a trip to Disney World, flying NY to LA May 16 for multiple 12 hour work days with lots of work socializing, and a day at Disneyland with my best friend on May 19 before flying back to NY on May 20 - I am absolutely physically wrecked after. On my flight back yesterday I cried almost the whole time. Everything hurts but the worst is my neck/jaw/face that is absolutely unbearable. Ears feel full and hurt, likely from the TMJ. Headaches all over. Low back and mid back also deeply aching and tight. Wrists and ankles hurt as well. IBS flares. Super stiff all around. And not dizziness but just feeling like I’m in a total blurry fog. If I were to describe it without knowing anything about AS, I would say it just feels like my whole body swells up with anger and everything hurts so much. I slept 10 hours last night and only feel worse. Honestly feeling like this makes me want to die in the moment but I know I’ll have good days again.
I typically manage my pain fairly well with exercise and a daily routine that works for me but the last 10 days have thrown me completely off. Sometimes I worry this is just what being run down feels like for anyone but I don’t think so?? If I had the clear diagnosis I’d be like okay this is a flare up, but I wonder what others of you think… does this sound like an AS flare up?

Obligatory on mobile so awkward formatting and throwaway because he knows my reddit account. Long story.
I come to ask the Reddit crowd to be kind with me as I legitimately have no idea what to do. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now and are on the verge of a break-up because of several reasons.

• His long term ex girlfriend has been harassing us for 7 months. I've blocked her everywhere but she is adamant on contacting me. Her messages usually vary from asking for forgiveness, her moving on, I'm ugly and other insults about my appearance and identity, how she was the third party, how I was the third party, how desperate I am, how she cares about me, how she plans to destroy my academic and social life, etc.
  
• They had closure sex a few days before we went on our first date. In his defense, we were not exclusive back then and I told him before in the past that I'd probably find someone like him but not him specifically to date; and that I didn't date; so he only confessed because I pushed him to under the impression he liked another girl. Ex girlfriend shared some of their deleted conversation and he had been refusing to meet with her. They only met that day because she had gone to the front door of their home and up until the end of their conversation he was angry and asking for her to leave.
  
• He confessed the closure sex happened before we agreed to start seeing each other exclusively. But he didn't tell me exactly when it happened, just that it was recent to that conversation. When his ex girlfriend told me by blasting my face on social media the exact dates, he denied it happened on those specific days. He assured me for 4 months that it did not happen.
  
• According to him, she had been pestering him for a few weeks prior to that meeting and promised to stop her advances if they had one final time together. They had sex and a few days later, he told me that I shouldn't worry about her possibly pestering us because he had already "fixed" the problem.
  
• Ex girlfriend was not satisfied and kept messaging for him to go back to her with clips of her slashing her wrists, warning him that she would really kill herself, sending goodbye messages, etc. He at first would respond and tried to call her a few times to check if she was still alive but ended their conversation after he had mailed her remaining stuff back to her (a few essentials: IDs, etc.) After that, she waited for him outside his house several times to beg either inebriated or sober. Other times she would send messages through financial apps with those short messages because he had blocked her on everything even GMail.
  
• He says he doesn't want to go back to that relationship because of how emotionally draining it was. I can vouch for this detail because he had been saying this even before we liked each other, and I had seen their correspondences with each other over the years. She had an unbelievable amount of fake accounts she would cycle through because she would get verbally abusive (you're ugly, you deserve none of the success you have right now, posting his nudes, sending wrist slicing videos, you're lucky I decided to love you, etc.) and would blow up over seemingly nothing. Her own admission, she would get into fits that would end up either getting them into physical fights or him trying to hug her and sort of hold her down until she calms.
  
• He has her blocked everywhere but would occasionally view her Tiktok. He says he isn't in love with her anymore and does not desire a relationship, just that a part of him still cares for her and feels bad because he had promised that he was never going to leave but did.
  
• Up until recently, she was trying to reach out to my friends (people she does not know) and had been telling them I was a third party. She made a groupchat and asked my friends not to tell me and my boyfriend (they did tell us).
  
• She had messaged me multiple times that she knew where I lived and studied and that she was going to wait for me outside my buildings. I didn't want to talk to her before because I had already seen her tendencies based on their correspondences and her messages to me, and I still don't want to contact her even now. She talks shit about my identity, my vag*na, my deceased parents, everything she can target to get under my skin.
  

My boyfriend is adamant he does not hold romantic feelings for her anymore and that he isn't staying because I'm the safer option (in the sense that I am avoidant and have admittedly blindsided my past situationships/ partners and could very well do the same with him). He tells me he's not settling for me and that he genuinely wants to make our relationship work because he knows he only has one shot with me and that he feels genuine for me. It is easier for the both of us to leave the relationship because both are avoidant people, but he is trying to go against his trauma and avoidant tendencies to remain with me. He just fails sometimes (checking her tiktok, etc.)
Currently, we are very open with one another and have good communication (regular relationship checks, we never get into screaming matches). He has never called me names, he takes responsibility for his actions and has accepted blame for every single event that has happened (the lying, the tiktok, ex's harassment) and has not done those since we discussed each issue. Another is that he has been improving himself and his tendencies that hurt me emotionally as well (fixing problems on his own and only informing me they exist well after the fact, not sharing emotions, etc.). I have trouble vouching for this because we had just become friends later in the previous year, but from what I can logically deduce it is true.
THE PROBLEM, finally. I am losing feelings for him because I feel underappreciated, undervalued, and I genuinely feel like I was his second option. Due to the amalgamation of the things we have faced together, I am misinterpreting the pain from those into distrust for him.
To his credit, and if you remove the harassment problem, he has been a good boyfriend to me. We used to regularly go out on dates (used to because both of us are swamped with work, so now he just invites me to future plans after we finish said work), he cooks me food and pays for my meals whenever I allow it (gifts and gestures like this make me feel like I'm a callgirl so we avoid it), bringing me to events I would enjoy (movie showings, concerts, recreational parks) for free (he pays), is physically affectionate, and accompanies me in my commute everyday to and from work regardless if we have fought each other that day, would physically go to me just to talk, spends hours past his curfew if our serious conversations have not finished, etc.
I genuinely still want to work on my trust for him, I want to gain it back and move past our problems. I want to be able to support him because I do know I would also be fucked up if I came from said experience. I don't want to leave him alone because I empathize with what he has gone through and the effects they have on him, but I don't know how to help him. More importantly, I don't know how to process my own feelings about the matter.
This is an incredibly long post and I realize the easier way would be to leave. But I want to give our relationship a fighting chance before we break up. It's not the smart choice, it's not the beneficial choice either. But it's a choice I'm still considering.
TLDR: Because of harassment and other problems, I feel unloved and underappreciated by my boyfriend and am falling out of love. How do I stop losing feelings for him because of circumstances?

TLDR: Received a conflicting hernia diagnosis, two surgeons at Shouldice believe I do not have a hernia because there is no palpable bump/lump, ultrasound result and local surgeon believe I do have a hernia. I'm now very confused.
Felt something wrong in lower right groin area, GP wasn't sure what it was, sent me for ultrasound, then I received diagnosis of a hernia. Travelled to Shouldice, two surgeons examined me and both determined I don't have a hernia, but rather most likely groin strain - which I kind of bought into because it occurred after a few days straight of golfing and my hip/groin area had shown sensitivity in past after golfing. Was finally able to talk to local surgeon (no examination) said they there's likely a hernia because it was on the ultrasound image. There's no lump or bump, but something feels 'loose and out of place' for lack of a better description (pain not too bad but dull ache and sharp pain in some positions/movements). Feeling confused with different medical professionals providing different diagnosis and trusting different exams. (Note: not asking for further diagnosis - just wanted to tell story and hear if other's had similar experience.)
But has anyone gone through a similar experience of conflicting diagnosis?

My fiancé had an emergency appendectomy about 4 weeks ago. The surgery went well, and the appendix did not burst during or before removal. Prior to the surgery, the CT also showed he had an unobstructed kidney stone and an unobstructed gallstone. The surgeon offered to remove the gallbladder too (in case there would be issues later) but he declined, as unnecessary gallbladder removal can cause a lot of complications (I myself have some of those, as does my brother. Surgeon said these complications are about 1 in 3 patients. His gallbladder has never bothered him, so why roll the dice?)
He was really sore after surgery but was doing better each day and on track for recovery. He went back to work after 2 weeks. His job is more physical and requires walking several miles, so post-pain we initially chalked up to all the walking. At about 3.5 weeks, the pain got much worse, and he was in as much pain as he had been after the end of week 1. The pain was on his left lower abdomen/side, and the pain stretched toward his belly button. They had gone in laparoscopically on that side, so figured it was his incisions bothering him.
His incisions all looked good and still do. No redness, drainage, etc. Then he spiked a fever of almost 103. We went to the ER and they saw in his chart that he had had an unobstructed gallstone. The ER team focused on that gallbladder hard and was trying to get him to have it removed before they even got any testing back. They did a blood panel (his WBC count was a little elevated, but nothing insane), an x-ray, a CT, a urine test, and an ultrasound. They lied and told him they did Murphy's Test on him and that his gallbladder had thickening walls and was inflamed. But they never did the Murphy's Test and he has and had no pain in that area. They really scared us, saying he could die etc. In the end, they called another surgeon to look at the scans and they said to cut us loose if he wasn't having pain. They gave him no antibiotics and just told him to follow up with his doctor.
He called the surgeon that had done the surgery and the surgeon said he did not see any wall thickening or inflammation in the scans. He said the gallbladder looked like it had before his surgery. He also said the CT did not show any abscesses or infections. So on top of everything else, we feel like the ER scared us for...What exactly? Money from an unnecessary surgery?
Over the weekend, his pain worsened, and he kept teetering between elevated and low-grade fever. He has been very constipated. His pain also began to stretch lower into his pelvis, and now into his balls. He seems to have some sort of lump on his pelvis - I'm not sure if its a lymph node or what it is.
He went in to see his primary care doctor yesterday who ordered more blood tests and then scheduled an ultra sound for today. His blood tests were pretty normal, except for a 13.1 mg/L high sensitivity CRP. Today, he also now has a rash developing on his arms and legs. We're just really worried and have no idea what is going on. Has anyone else experienced something like this or have any ideas?

‼️TW (CP, CSA, DA, DV, EA, ED, PA, RA, SA, SH, SI, WC)‼️
Sorry I know that’s a lot of TW’s there’s just brief mention of some of this stuff so I don’t wanna catch anyone off guard.
This is also a bit of a vent post.
I have absolutely no idea what I have, I had no idea I could potentially have a personality disorder until a few months ago, I am not meaning to rely on social media for help, though where I’m from there is such a lack in psychiatrists in my area so I feel stuck/lost. I will be venting/explaining my situation in full, I just would like to hear thoughts and opinions, I’m not trying to say I have anything specific, but the different personalities have made themselves apparent over the past 5 months. Whether it’s OSDD, BPD, DID, i don’t know.
There’s so much that I don’t really know where to start, so I guess I’ll just start with when I realized something wasn’t right. (TMI) I was having an intimate moment with my partner, it’s a long distance relationship (new relationship((known each other for about 6-7 months now)) so it was an over the phone moment. (FaceTime). I’ve had issues in the past because of sexual trauma, where immediately after sex/intimate moments i get sent into a huge derealization/panic attack due to feeling vulnerable. Now at this point, i haven’t had sex in about 4 years, and any time prior, it always ended in panic attacks. Me being vulnerable over the phone is not entirely new, but the level of vulnerability in the sense of allowing myself to fully enjoy it, that was new. I started hyperventilating, I couldn’t talk, I was crying, I was fighting with a blanket trying to cover myself all while my partner was trying to console me. I wasn’t really fully there and before this moment, any show of mania, dissociation, stuff like that, it went unnoticed. During this panic attack, I was absolutely in distress at one moment, and all of the sudden, I felt a shift. I didn’t really understand it when it happened but all of the sudden I stopped crying, the pain was still there but it wasn’t present, it felt deeper inside. It felt very different; I felt very different. All I could think and feel in that moment was this protectiveness and thought process of “I need to clean up everything before she comes back.” Now at the time I wasn’t thinking she, but I knew it was before something. Before a feeling came back was more how it resonated at the time before I could understand it better. Anyways, my whole persona shifted and I went into clean up mode and I was very confused. I felt “her” crying inside. My partner works in mental health, so he danced around delicately as I asked him questions about what he thought was going on so I could get a better picture of what I’m going through since everything felt so blinded. At one point, I just asked him. “Do you think I’m manic?” Which was the only question he responded to confidently. “Yes”. At that point, like this may seem so over exaggerated but it seriously felt like the curtains on my whole life, everything, had been pulled back and I could see myself and my actions for what they were. I saw every manic moment as mania rather than just the original gaslighting myself for my very real and terrifying experiences. After that, I was aware of me being manic for the first time and I haven’t felt such fear in a long time. I mean I don’t think I’ve ever felt fear like that before but like the level of intensity was very hard to deal with. I was terrified. I was finally seeing my hyper vigilance as hyper vigilance. I was seeing the symptoms clearly, my excessive sweating, my depleted eating habits, my sleep schedule insanely messed up. Which all before this, just seemed like “my life”. I started doing research, and I ended up needing to write something down. I can’t remember what it was but I will find it and add it.
“I’ve been doing a lot of research and thinking a lot, there’s been a lot of confusion with my identity or identities. I also need to preface that my entire life whenever I expressed how I felt, I was instead told what to do and how to feel. I know this is going to sound concerning, and people will be quick to dismiss it in an attempt to be supportive. But please just allow it to be what it is. Growing up I was always in great distress, constantly. My head was absolutely filled to the brim with worried and fears and as the years went on it only got worse. I’m highschool I transitioned into Blake; I thought it “felt” like me, but after research and certain situations/symptoms since delving back into that, I realized this was a traumatic disorder, even though I don’t know which one. Blakes feelings were 100% valid, but that’s because they were Blakes. What caused the de-transition was this. Beginning of highschool I was in crisis and distress, my brain created another personality to keep lily safe and keep her locked away. Since then I haven’t seen her, none of us have. Once Blake started receiving micro-aggressions and transphobia we went into even more distress. In 2017 my brain was absolutely stressed out from everything during the drug era and how much trauma and how burdened my mind was, I split again. My brain created Bella. Fast forward to now, Bella was breaking, and Blake had already been poking his head out, he’s been seeing the distress she’s been in and came back to take over. I never thought I was capable of having something like this l, but please bear with me as I explain how I came to this realization. This may be TMI but my partner and I were having an intimate moment and instantly afterwards I had the worst panic attack, something I’ve been trying to protect myself from for years. As I’m writing this down I’m starting to realize that those panic attacks after sexual situations are probably lily, but still valid as panic attacks. I have a lump in my throat while writing this, I promise I am not making it up or exaggerating. During the panic attack my partner was trying to console me but I completely switched in that moment to Blake and all he could feel was sorrow and was trying to give her a break. Blake came out to keep her safe. all I could do was clean up and prepare for when she came back so she wasn’t triggered, I don’t know what this is and gender fluid still feels valid and right, but in that moment of switching genders, I realized I am not switching genders, I am switching personalities. One personality could not carry the burden of it all. I am not concerned about this though, I feel with the very realization I am understanding myself better as a while.”
I was very manic when writing this. I believe I mainly wrote it for my parents. I was fearful of being dismissed.
My cousin had joined the call since I was spiraling and the both of them worked really hard to try and get me to stop writing and go to bed, which was really hard for me because I was super hyper vigilant in the moment and when it comes to my independence, I was told I have to deal with everything myself and I can’t rely on people so sometimes listening to help can be hard, accepting that help can be hard. I ended up being able to put stuff down and go to bed, more because I didn’t want to make things more difficult for them but I also could partly recognize that my actions were not helping the state I was in.
Ever since this moment it’s been realization after realization. This is so far what resonates.
I believe I have 3, possibly 4 alters. One I will name lily, she is who I originally was. Main host I guess? But doesn’t feel like it anymore. What I think happened, is that I’ve been exposed to countless amounts of different forms of abuse. When I was 12, is when I believe I split for the first time. I’ve been looking back at photos to see my mannerisms, expressions, I’ve also been expressing alter emotions through art which was another realization I had a month or two ago. This realization came from looking back at my art, and at one piece I had made just before the main breakdown/realization. It was of a face, and my art has mainly been faces. This one I remember making, I was so frustrated; and I remember looking at it and being like, why am I so frustrated, this doesn’t reflect how I feel at all. Since the realization, my cousin had pointed out that it kind of resembled a sense of splitting, which then resonated deeply. It was like I saw my painting clearly, and then I looked at all my art and was like, oh my god. My alters have been here this whole god damn time. The painting I am talking about; is the one attached to this post.
When I was a child, I hated art with a passion. I remember never picking up a pencil crayon or anything because I just didn’t like it. I wasnt good at it, I had no intention of doing art. When I was 12/13 is when I actually started doing art. I remember I did a bridesmaids dress and was like, cool. Didn’t hate it, (yes I know that this is how most artists start) but then it was just eyes. I only drew eyes, eyes and faces. Faces with third eyes, faces with hardened expressions. Now I have said countless times to my family and friends when they ask about my art, that when I paint or draw, it doesn’t feel like it’s me doing it. I once chalked it up to, artists ghosts were using me to express their art. That thought came during a particularly distressing year that when I look back I was def manic. I lost 100 lbs in like a month-a month and a half, could not eat, could barely leave my bed, was not doing well at all. This was 2019 I believe. I looked through all my art recently and during a sketchbook in 2019, during a really hard time, I had wrote down the wrong year when signing my art. Twice. The year I wrote was 2012, when I was 11/12.(2000 baby). Which then led me to look back on my life and look at photos around 2012 which had me thinking it was 1 of 2 things. 2012 was the year I split for the first time, or it was the year something really traumatic happened. I think it was the first one though. Reason being, yeah everything had started changing when I was 12. I mean I was always changing prior, my life has been very tumultuous. An undiagnosed autistic afab kid who had a very manipulative narcissistic father, and a very sweet mother, surrounded by a huge family of cousins who were like siblings. My mom divorced my dad after lots of abuse, he emotionally manipulated me into always feeling sorry for men when they show emotion and I developed Stockholm syndrome towards him which had me defending his every actions, including when he was a drug dealer, and sold enough drugs to an 18 year old to have her overdose, or the child pornography on his computer, or anything really because I was a child and he was my dad he manipulated me at a very young age. My mom married again a year or two after, which prompted her to need to get away from the abuse of my bio dad, and the abuse of religion we had been pushed upon us since birth. Pentecostal. We moved across country, and suddenly she became very emotionally distant as we now had moved away from my entire family, and had a new man in our life who was stable in every aspect besides the emotional unavailability. He tried, they both did. But they were dealing with traumas. He had just gotten back from Afghanistan. We moved because he was stationed somewhere else in the country. I ended up developing a binge eating disorder, had a lot of other intense traumas in between, did not know how to cope. When I was 10, my parents put me in therapy, my sister and I both. To deal with my bio dad trauma. I’ve been in therapy ever since. I’m 23 now.
I realize I am getting off track but I’m tryna lay everything out and not forget anything.
When I was 12/13, a lot had happened with my bio dad and a restraining order was put in place. He also had a kid with another woman and she(my sister) had passed away, a lot had happened on top of many other traumas, and I think lily broke. She didn’t really wanna be present anymore but we had no idea what was happening, but I felt myself changing. I started combating this with hyper-femininity, because who had split was me, who is currently hosting, Blake. (Also I know I use I/me as a whole sometimes, still tryna understand that. The only thing that resonates with what I mean when I say I is higher self. Not in a spiritual sense but like a higher version or a whole version? I don’t know)
Had no idea wtf was happening. All I knew was I started having dysphoria that I didn’t understand was dysphoria, so I combated it with hyperfeminity. Extra make up; always dressing up extra “girly” trying to act “girlier” or more feminine. Until I turned 14/15, and I ended up coming to terms with the fact that I was not who I thought I was, so I started changing to align with who I was. I came out as a trans man, and started the process of transitioning. Cue micro-aggressions, internalized transphobia, as well as a shit ton of transphobia from my family back home which caused me to panic. I ended up becoming really suicidal and made the decision to go hang out with a friend who was hanging with friends I had never met before, which triggered my next traumatic event. I ended up hanging with the wrong people, went down a drug path, was exposed to some very difficult and dangerous moments, felt a feeling of distress I have never felt nor would ever wish upon my worst enemy. I put it on myself as well, to help the friend I went in there with, get off a coke addiction. He went into psychosis and became violent at one point so I had to tell his mom everything and she sent him to rehab which worked but didn’t. He OD’d one night(survived) it was bad. I only ever went as far as psychedelics. But acid was my drug of choice. I was so done with everyone and everything that I just spent like 2-3 months straight, every day, tripping. I was 16 at the time. I also was exposed to the father of the household who had a weird thing for me, he tried sneaking into my bedroom one night when my bf wasn’t home (I ended up moving in with my at the time bf) but I was awake so he left real quick but it terrified me. All of this was such intense distress and I believe around this time was the second split, because it felt like for the entirety of me in that traumatic era, it was Blake and Bella fighting to host and take over. Bella was the host for the past 6 years. She took over around 2017, after like a year of fighting. I(Blake) tend to self destruct, even though I’m overprotective, trying to accept this about myself at the time was impossible because I was dealing with so much anger that was affecting the rest of the system. I also was done. Idk if alters “go to sleep” but Blake went away for a while. But what I’ve come to realize is I don’t think they’re ever went away, like lily has always been here, and I realized that the night of the intimate moment, because me having that panic attack after the intimate moment, and every panic attack prior, I believe that it’s lily. I haven’t touched that too much though because she is so to herself and shy and never comes out and she’s just traumatized, plus the amount of anger coming from Blake, and the amount of sadness coming from Bella, it’s all very overwhelming. But I do think it’s her, I don’t think she understands what’s happening but she like pokes her head out during it because maybe it’s so to with the sexual trauma we went through as a kid? I know something happened to me as a kid but I don’t know what. But I’m not ready for that yet, the anger is a more pressing issue.
Bella is very maternal, she took over and spent the past 6 years working her ass off to develop the coping mechanisms we need, and creating a safe space in our mind. The manic moments have been cushioned without us even knowing it’s manic moments; all she knew was we’re in distress so she found what helped best and worked real hard to keep us afloat. She got us out of the drugs, out of the abuse, out of the toxic relationship, out of anything that did not serve us. But not without giving up too much of herself and being beaten down. Like I know we’ve all gone through it but she took hit after hit after hit and everyone just used her as a projection batting cage. Within the past few months has been her stepping down. 5 months is us fighting, because she doesn’t want to, but she needs to, because she needs a break. And I need a break from the break. I need to deal with my anger and learn to live this world as a man. It’s been really hard to deal with, because I’ve cut off our hair which was a lot for Bella, and I’m trying to give her grace because it’s a huge change for everyone; but I’m so eager to be out. To my friends and family I’ve come out as gender fluid, a safe way for us to just be, even though gender fluid is still accurate to us, but me(Blake) I want to be on T, I want top surgery; the dysphoria has been very intense but I am not making any decisions while untreated in whatever this is. Bella doesn’t want any of that, but a hypothetical compromise that we’ve been thinking about is a breast reduction to start, to ease the mind.
Now when I look back at the past 11-12 years, I see all three of them out and about disguised as each other without realizing. There’s this one song I remember listening to on repeat non stop and idk why it just felt right it sounded right I loved it I needed to listen to it. Now, go listen to Satellites by Sleeping with sirens, think about alters waking up/trying to be known or whatever, like Jesus fuck it’s so obvious to me everything just makes sense (ik that sounds like a stretch but there’s more in my head that relates to that feeling I just can’t put it into words)
I’ve also been dealing with breaking down the walls of expectations. I have never allowed myself to be upset or have quarrels due to feeling like an inconvenience, I believe this has a lot to do with it as well.
Oh and the 4th potential alter is either someone just chillin in the background observing, or the “higher self” version of myself I was talking about. I really can’t tell.
I know there’s so much more I didn’t add but I’m deffo not doing the best rn so my brain can’t remember everything. Anyways, I’m not looking for a diagnosis obviously, but I just wanna hear what it sounds like. Because it feels like a personality disorder of some sort even tho idk wtf that’s supposed to feel like lol, so does it sound like one? I guess is what I’m really asking. Anyways, thanks for reading. Regardless of a response it is nice to get this off my chest aha. It also might be all over the place if so I apologize I think I’m currently manic? Yes I have been talking with my therapist about this, she’s not specialized in this stuff so she can only help so much, I’ve been tryna push my doctor to get me a psych referral to which he says there’s no psychiatrist in my area that are really taking any clients rn. He also sat there and told me I wasn’t dealing with mania and started listening of symptoms that I deal with that he had yet to even ask me about. I was already heated going in there because I knew I was going to have to fight for what I needed. Well the funny part is, the psychiatrist I went in there wanting a referral to; that I thought my therapist recommended me, was not an actual recommendation of a psychiatrist, but of a book of resources for me to look at, but I was manic and not there and I was literally so bent on needing help and needing a psych referral that my brain heard the authors name and was like “okay time to go to the doctor”. And then I had to admit to the doctors receptionist that I was indeed manic when I came in and that i didn’t know what I was talking about which was embarrassing and then I actually heard concern in her voice, rather than dismissal, which should’ve been comforting, but it just pissed me off lol. Anyways, sorry I’m done now lol 😂

25F, no medications except the combined oral contraceptive.
I’ve been running casually for about 4 years but for the past week or so I’ve had to stop minutes in because I’ve gotten a pain in my right abdomen. At first I put it down to being a side stitch but I think the pain is a bit different to that, a little more of a dull pain than the shooting pain of a side stitch. I don’t feel any pain apart from when I start running, and I do also regularly lift weights at the gym and get no issues there.
I got a little concerned that I may have a sports hernia from either lifting or running, and felt around the groin area for a lump and ended up noticing that I could feel what must be an inguinal lymph node. It’s very small, fairly hard (at least enough to be noticeable) and not painful. I can only feel it when pressing into the groin area.
I’m feeling a little confused and unsure if I should see a doctor or not as the internet is a bit conflicting regarding whether it’s normal to feel a lymph node like this. Could the swollen lymph node be a symptom of some sort of hernia (likely a sports hernia as I can’t feel any lump) or is this completely unrelated? What should I do, if anything?

The Sleepaway Show was popular on my college radio.
JJ Savrin, Nicholas Mayflower, and Elena Fisher.
I was a big fan of their horror narrations.
“Yoooo, and welcome to another episode of The Sleepaway Show! I'm your host, JJ Savrin! I'm here with Nick and Elena, and we’ve got a crazy story for you! It's by Reddit user Broken-but-not-bent, and it's called Metal Baby. Now, this story is horror, but it's got a liiiitle bit of M. Night mixed in. It's one of my faves–”
“Hey!”
I flinched. It was too early for jump scares.
My ‘YouTuber’ roommate was in front of me, waving his arms. I pulled out an earphone, already anticipating the kind of conversation we were going to have.
The second he opened his mouth, I was ready for the complaining.
“I got a bad comment.” Connor grumbled, slumping down in front of me. “This one is threatening to strike my channel. They're relentless.”
He waved his phone with a scoff. “Shouldn't authors be happy they're being recognised?”
I forced a smile, resting my chin on my fist. “Do you think… maybe it's because you're using their stories without asking?” I said. “I mean, you did get a whole channel taken down–”
Connor rolled his eyes. “Nah. They're public domain, so I can use them if I want.” He pulled out a pack of chips, stuffing a handful in his mouth. “Also, the AI voice sounds human.” He prodded his phone. “See? Listen.”
When he started the video, a human-ish voice began the story, immediately pronouncing a typo.
Connor was right. It did sound human, but it wasn't human enough. It was too perfect, with the exact same drone-ey tone. Admittedly, AI had gotten better from text to speech to an almost human voice. But it wasn't the real thing.
Connor studied me with slightly manic eyes.
“Well? What do you think?”.
“It's good,” I said. “But why don't you read them? You have a good enough voice.”
My roommate shrugged. “I dunno. It's easier to just run it through an AI. I just copy and paste the story, and it's done.”
I regarded him with the look.
“Uh-huh.”
I corked one headphone back in, bleeding back into my favourite show.
JJ was in the middle of a monologue, his raspy voice immediately embodying the character. I could hear every piece of his voice, every breath, every time he messed up and choked on a laugh, or quietly correcting himself. But he was human. His mistakes, his awkward breathing and the cheap microphone letting in outside ambience. Even his stuttering, the way he mispronounced words and fucked up accents. All of it was painfully and beautifully human.
Metal Baby was a great story, and it ended with some of the best voice acting I had heard from The Sleepaway Show. Elena and Nick sounded insane, and JJ made the perfect unreliable narrator.
Especially for the Shutter Island type twist.
When it was over, Elena thanking their college patrons, I tugged out an earphone and settled my roommate with a smile.
Connor was glaring at his phone. When he caught my eye, he scowled. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Instead of answering him, I held up my phone, displaying the show. “Why not try finding a real human voice?” I said.
“You have cash from your job, right? Dump the robot-sounding AI, and pay a voice actor.”
I watched my roommate's expression crumple.
“Fuck.” he tapped his phone, a smile curving on his lips.
“You really think it'll work?”
“Well, yeah. The Dark Somnium. Mr Creeps. Lighthouse Horror. What do they all have in common?”
Connor’s lip twitched. “Millions of subscribers? Listeners who are obsessed with rule -based stories?”
“Human voices.” I said. “AI channels do exist with stupid amounts of followers, but they don't get nearly enough traction.”
Connor hummed. “So, what I need is a human voice?”
“Bingo.”
When I got home that night, I got a text from Connor.
Don't come into my bathroom! Narration in progress.
Bathroom ambience, I thought.
Sure.
The next day, though, to my surprise, The Sleepaway Show wasn't broadcast. On the college website, the page was offline.
Elena published a post a few hours later explaining that the three of them were still hungover from the night before, so there would be no show. I was bummed.
I was looking forward to JJ’s narration of a new cosmic horror story they were teasing.
Days went by, and still no show.
Elena had stopped posting updates.
Her last one simply said: PLEASE stop asking! We’re sick lol. No show this week.
That was weird. Especially when the three had managed to do a show suffering with food poisoning from bad shellfish.
I was checking for updates when I got home around 5pm.
No sign of Connor.
His laptop was open in his room.
He was editing.
I couldn't help it, risking a peek at his latest narration. I always get curious about the stories he chooses. Connor is a big fan of psychological horror.
Getting comfy in his chair, and taking an awkward sip from his lukewarm coffee, I pressed play on the edit. I'm not sure what it was that twisted my gut.
The coffee tasted kind of weird, and it was too hot in his room.
But, as I fast forwarded the edit, I realized I was listening to a familiar voice. I wasn't expecting JJ’s Savrin’s tone to bleed from the speakers.
So soon, too. It's not like I was doubting that he'd say yes to narrating, but he'd been sick, right? I twisted around, studying my roommate's room for recording equipment. Nothing.
Just a broken microphone on his floor, the one I accidentally stood on.
JJ’s narration sounded normal, at first.
But further into it, I began to notice something was wrong with it. The charm was gone, his smooth, velvet murmur had been airbrushed, perfected into a horrifying, AI-like robotic drone. There were zero mistakes, or breaths, or laughter.
*It was late when I left the restaurant.”
JJ’s voice was too perfect, skipping over the voice of the character, the atmosphere he put into his tone. “I was locking the door when I noticed something was behind me.”
The period at the end of the sentence was too noticeable.
Not natural.
“Oh no.” JJ continued in that same robotic drawl. “Did a customer want to kill me?”
The AI voice faltered, and this time, I did hear a gasp.
It sounded like pain.
Running through the edit, there were still chunks of recording, untouched.
“I… ice… cream…I…”
The sudden sharp inhalation of breath exploding from the speakers sent ice sliding down my spine. It was too human. I could see it in the levels, the way they hit red.
“It's so… dark. I can't see... anything."
The voice splintered into a cry, and this time, in the footage my roommate was trying to remove, to cut away, JJ did sound human. His shaky breaths shuddered through the speakers.
“Please, can someone help me? I don't know where I–” The edit skipped, bleeding back into the story. I was already backing away from Connor’s laptop, my heart in my throat.
I remembered stabbing the off switch on the laptop, but the voice continued, spluttering and crackling.
This time it was coming from behind me.
The bathroom.
“Is… someone there? I'm locked in the bathroom, man. I want to go home.”
JJ Savrin.
Was in our house.
Worse, my psycho roommate has kidnapped him, attempting to steal his voice.
When I stepped back, his cry was louder.
“Fuck! Is someone there? Answer me!"
“JJ?” I found myself in a daze, walking towards my roommate's bathroom.
“What... did he do to you?”
The guy let out a strangled cry. “Your psycho friend locked me in the bathroom! I think I'm blindfolded. I…I can't see anything, “ he paused, “Can you get me the fuck out of here?”
I swallowed down something slimy. “Did Connor do this to you?”
He broke out into a sob. “He knocked me out. I think he wants me to narrate for him. Which isn't happening, by the way. The lunatic is trying to steal my fucking voice!”
With shaky hands, I grabbed the icy handle, which turned, to my surprise.
“The door isn't locked,” I said. “Did he tie you up?”
The boy groaned. “Obviously! I can't fucking move!"
Opening the doors, I stopped, paralysed, and JJ’s voice faltered, breaking into a sob.
The contrast of red and white made my head spin.
”Can you… take off my blindfold? I'm… fuck, I'm terrified of the dark, man.”
I found my voice, stepping directly into warm red. It pooled between my toes.
“Sure.” I said.
I’ve been talking to a therapist about my reaction to what I found in my roommate's bathroom.
She says it was my mind trying to both deny and deal with trauma, but I'm pretty sure I had lost my fucking mind.
“I love your show.” I hummed, pulling out my phone and dialling 911. "You're a talented narrator."
9123.
9223.
912.
9013.
It took me five tries, and I think I threw up all over myself.
The toilet bowl was splattered with blood.
“I… thanks?” The boy let out a spluttered laugh.
I was aware of the ice cold steel of my phone pressed to my ear.
“You're welcome.”
”You've found me.” JJ whispered, when my gaze found the trash can overflowing with deep red, fleshy mounds of pink and white.
I wasn't staring at JJ Savrin.
“I... have.”
I was looking at his remnants.
Stuffed into the toilet bowl, a single lump of pink, wires protruding from it.
The thing pulsed, JJ Savrin’s cry collapsing into a robotic drone.
JJ’s voice didn't make sense.
It was alive. While he wasn't.
“So, why… why can't I see you?” His voice stuttered. "I can't see anything."
When I couldn't physically reply, he started to cry.
I heard every wet, human sounding sob.
“Are you… still… there?” He asked me, over and over again.
I didn't reply.
But he kept going, and I could hear them getting progressively more hysterical.
When the police surrounded me, JJ spoke again. “What's your... name?”
The sheriff shook his head, but I couldn't stop myself.
“I'm Sadie.”
A pause, before, “Can you stay with me, Sadie?”
I nodded, on my knees, struggling to breathe.
“Yeah.” I said. “I'm here, JJ.”
The rest is a blur.
It still is a blur, and this was almost a year ago.
Whatever was left of the narrator was disposed of. I wasn't even fully conscious, sitting in the back of an ambulance, my roommate's laptop squeezed to my chest.
The cops said it was evidence, but I didn't want to give it to them.
Due to the horrific nature of JJ Savrin’s murder, the full details were never released, and his full name was covered up. Nick and Elena have dumped the show, and the show itself has been wiped from existence. I heard Nick tried to kill himself a month ago.
Elena published a blog exposing what really happened to JJ, warning Youtube narrators.
It was deleted, of course, but she wasn't wrong.
I don't think people will go to extremes like my roommate, but human voices are precious.
Connor was taken away in cuffs, and he genuinely doesn't understand what he's done wrong. I think my roommate was so obsessed with views and comments, he would do anything to get them. And I was the one who pointed him to his victim.
The last thing he said to me was, “What? You told me to use a human voice!”
Crazy bastard.
In a way, though, this was my fault. And I'll live with this shit for the rest of my life.
I still have Connor’s laptop, and JJ is still with me.
At least, I like to think he is.

I knew it would happen at some point, but the timing actually could not be worse, lol. I suppose there's never a good time. Some backstory: I'm 38 y/o F with a very prevalent family history of aggressive cancer (breast, colon, cervical, skin). I had a very large fibroid removed when I was 19. Was no big deal and very clearly a fibroid. I'm generally pretty healthy despite previous diagnoses of lupus and scleroderma (not showing symptoms). Anyhow, I've been feeling pretty rough these last few months. Lethargy, just feeling off, dizzy, high blood pressure, swelling in fingers, and my intuition has been screaming that something isn't right. You just know when something is off. I really thought it was my ADHD medication, so my MD and I made the decision to take me off of it.
Now... I started having big time night sweats about a month ago. Also, chills during the day without fever. A couple of weeks ago, I had my arms up brushing my hair and noticed that my left underarm looked swollen. I palpated and felt no pain, lumps, or discomfort. Didn't really give it much thought after that. Flash forward to last Friday. I was having a terrible health day. I'm just feeling really off for no reason. I crawled into bed and rolled over to my left side only to feel the most intense pain shoot from my nipple up into my collar bone and back into my shoulder blade. I palpated around my nipple and there it was... A hard, grape sized lump.
It doesn't move at all. It literally feels anchored to my nipple and I can feel it pulling down on it. It's like it just suddenly popped up. I hadn't had any pain at all prior. In hindsight, I have had some itching there for a few months. My first thought was a clogged duct or a cyst, so I wasn't worried. I woke up this morning, and it's tripled in size, I now have a dimple just under my nipple and it's trying to invert. I have a massive vein bulging into it as well that I've certainly never seen before. The lymph nodes in my armpit are swollen and so so painful. I literally couldn't even wear a bra to work today. It just feels like a 24/7 titty twister. I work for a husband and wife MD who consulted with me regarding this, and they seemed pretty concerned. I called the breast center, and they were also very concerned. They have me coming in Wednesday for imaging (ultrasound and MRI), then results Thursday with probable mammo.
I have a long history of pretty extreme health anxiety, so my head is absolutely spinning right now. Still no fever or other signs of infection. I'm hoping it's something simple as it's happening so quickly, but everyone is taking it pretty seriously. Let's hope it's nothing cause ain't nobody got time for this shit.

So I (19F) have been having unexplained pain in my elbow for almost 9 months now. I have seen my GP, an orthopaedic surgeon, chiropractor, physiotherapist and nothing has been properly diagnosed or helped. I've had ultrasounds that showed no results and an MRI that only showed a small amount of fluid in the joint. After that my GP tested my inflammatory markers which all came up negative and she sent me for an aspiration of the fluid and a cortisone injection. At the ultrasound the doctor said he could not see any fluid so he would not aspirate, and that fluid coming and going is normal, so I asked him for the cortisone anyway. That was about a week and a half ago and my pain has been a lot better but the last couple days I have started to have flare ups of pain again and I'm worried it's coming back. The steroid is supposed to last 3 months but it's already wearing off.
For a while everyone thought it was tennis elbow but that was inconsistent with the scans I got.
The pain also has changed a lot within the 9 months, it started in the joint and down to my forearm, then it ached more in my forearm, I've had referred pain to my shoulder and wrist, I had a few weeks of nerve pain in my lower forearm, and then most recently just in the joint with some referred wrist pain.
Does anyone know anything about anything this could possibly be?

So I (19F) have been having unexplained pain in my elbow for almost 9 months now. I have seen my GP, an orthopaedic surgeon, chiropractor, physiotherapist and nothing has been properly diagnosed or helped. I've had ultrasounds that showed no results and an MRI that only showed a small amount of fluid in the joint. After that my GP tested my inflammatory markers which all came up negative and she sent me for an aspiration of the fluid and a cortisone injection. At the ultrasound the doctor said he could not see any fluid so he would not aspirate, and that fluid coming and going is normal, so I asked him for the cortisone anyway. That was about a week and a half ago and my pain has been a lot better but the last couple days I have started to have flare ups of pain again and I'm worried it's coming back. The steroid is supposed to last 3 months but it's already wearing off.
For a while everyone thought it was tennis elbow but that was inconsistent with the scans I got.
The pain also has changed a lot within the 9 months, it started in the joint and down to my forearm, then it ached more in my forearm, I've had referred pain to my shoulder and wrist, I had a few weeks of nerve pain in my lower forearm, and then most recently just in the joint with some referred wrist pain.
Does anyone know anything about anything this could possibly be?

Adult Content warning; mention of women’s menstrual health and CSA, and SA.
Mainly seeking to vent and in need of some advice.
Fem 22 multitude of mental health issues and health issues such as Clinical depression, complex PTSD (family abuse mentally and physically, sexual a**ault survivor from child to now, too many abusive partners:relationships to count and many more) social anxiety, Autism, ADHD, hearing issues, polycystic disease in uterus, muscle tics from meds, hot flashes from meds, arthritis combined with hyperextended joints, plus my family has addiction problems and many more health issues.
Ive been on so many medications (going on 9years now) and seen a bunch of therapists, councillors, social service workers, doctors, phycologists and I have been on quite a few grippy sock adventures.
I’m honestly at a loss. I have no way of getting off my current meds which are XR Venlafaxine, 262.5 mg and Quetiapine 25 mg. the hot flashes are insane and I’ve constantly got twitching leg muscles and I’m only twenty two. I’ve got huge lumps in my chest in both breasts and I live in Canada Alberta used to be in B.C. Ain’t no way I can even see a doctor unless I go to emergency and wait 24-76 hours to be seen, I have no family doctor because they left me high and dry so my current doctor is my pharmacy since they have known me since I started taking my medications. Last time I was seen by my family doctor was in 2021, I have not been able to get back in since the doctor is either not there or the next available appointment is in 2 years time. I’ve tried the phone call doctor appointments and most of the time I get stuck with someone I can barely understand because English isn’t their first language. I struggle immensely with deciphering heavy accents. I was able to go in for an ultrasound back in 2020 for my breasts and all they said are they are lumps from taking birth control basically excess hormones. But every time I get my period they swell twice their size and hurt so bad I have cried out in pain trying to put a sweater on. Not to mention how debilitating my period is it lasts 8-9 days incredibly heavy flow passing clots up to 3-4inches and my gestation period is 16-18 days in between so some months I have two or three periods. I wanna do so much with my life but with how everything is I have to starve to afford my rent and meds. I barely have a job sometimes only have one shift a month. Not to mention no one will hire unless you meet their exact expectations or have a secret way into the workplace. Can’t work fast food since my social anxiety is so bad and most of them are filled with East Indians who refuse to learn English.
I just wanna be able to live and make my life feel worth living. I can’t sit still since I’m so antsy, only way I can keep my focus on things is if I’m working out while doing it or pacing back and forth. I’ve done so many therapy packages I’ve gone down all the paths I can to help myself and not much has worked. If I had a way to make money on the side and have savings it might help but it’s incredibly hard to even sell stuff on Facebook market place here where I live.
I also have cut contact with my abusive narcissistic family since they enabled the physical abuse and they let the person who sexually assaulted me as a child stay in our family for years and they still stay in contact with them even after I told them what happened. My grandma actually told me every person goes thru that it’s normal and to be expected.

I had a endoscopy done some months ago and biopsies taken that fell along with EoE but everything looked fine, the reason for the scope was due to chest pain, nausea, vomiting after eating and feeling lump in my throat and many other issues with trouble swallowing.
I have noticed as time progresses, omprezarole has helped reduce stomach acid, but has anyone experienced bad anxiety with there EOE?
Also, has anyone felt a heavy head and nauseas after eating certain foods? It’s new to me and I have trouble dealing with it because it affects the things I enjoy doing and I never had anxiety issues until the EOE symptoms have started.
My results said “>25 esophinils per high-power yield.” No idea what that means either as our hospital is not that great and I feel as if they don’t explain anything about it.

F 25 here
Been dealing with really bad upper abdominal pain since before Christmas. It’s very scratchy, cranky feeling inbetween my ribs, that does go into my ribs, into my chest and back. Often I find it hard to breathe even if I’m resting and have to take a deep breath mid sentence.
The pain is bad on day to day basis, however on good days the pain does come back straight away if I’m being physically active or stressed.
I have a sit down job, sometimes I can’t even sit. I break into sweats from the intensity of these paints where I need to go and lay down as I feel like I will pass out, as I get super light headed and hot.
I noticed that I have a feeling of fullness, like a lump in my left side just a little bit Obote my belly button. I could feel it when I sat funny, or when breathing. When I asked family to feel it, they said they couldn’t. The pain god stupidly bad and I went to ER to get checked out and the dr. Said that it’s an UTI.
I’m not sure if the lump has got bigger or it’s just more prominent with weight loss (losing weight intentionally) but I finally managed to get it on video. Before no one really believed how bad these pains were, but now with the video I think more people are concerned.
Any ideas on what it could be? I’m pressing down on my belly and breathing, to show that the lump moves around underneath my skin.
The hardness of it is only on my left side. Right side is absolutely normal and soft.
Just to mention I have no health issues apart from long covid and some mental health stuff. And I gave birth in summer 2022.
Thank you!

Note: If you have questions about monetization and the like, try here first: An Introduction To The Book That Is Me : ASMRScriptHaven (reddit.com)
Note: If you'd like to see my library, try here: Masterlist for edgiscript : ASMRScriptHaven (reddit.com)
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TITLE: NOW I WILL
Note: Takes place in the throne room or courtyard of a mystical, enchanted land. Sounds of a water fountain nearby or a babbling brook may be added for ambiance. Any other soothing sounds you want may be added to assist in the ASMR effect if you feel it would help, but all additional sounds, including those already mentioned, are optional.
Note: The princess' name, Emi, can be changed to your own.
(Optional sounds: Heavy door opens and footsteps are heard. A prisoner in chains is being brought forward.)
Emi: Guards, I thank you for bringing my dearest one. Please remove his chains and leave us.
(Optional sounds: Sounds of chains being removed and carried off.)
Emi: Welcome, dearest one, to my throne room. I am Princess Emi, protector of this forest and these lands.
(Pause.)
That is correct. I am a kitsune. My mother is kitsune. My father is human. They were the Queen and King protectors of these mystical lands for over a thousand years.
Or, I should say, they are the protectors of these lands. They are currently in the process of abdicating their throne to me so that they might live out the rest of their lives fulfilling their hearts’ desires to wander and explore this great world of ours. They have always desired to travel beyond the borders of our kingdom and see for themselves the wonders we have only heard about in whispers.
(Pause.)
Among other things, yes. They have longed to see such things for themselves. And now that I have reached 900 years of age, they have finally felt that they were able to relinquish the burden of the throne to me, their only daughter, so that they may leave our kingdom knowing that their people and their kingdom will remain safe.
I have spent most of my life learning from their loving guidance and am now ready to take my place as our kingdom’s queen. I would see my kingdom’s and my people’s prosperity and their peace continue for another thousand years until one day I hand over the throne to my daughter.
(Pause.)
Oh, dearest one, I have heard such stories of kitsune that you speak of. You humans tell some truly fascinating tales. I find them to be most amusing. I will enjoy having you share more of your stories with me once you are fully mine.
There are so many aspects of who we are and what we do that you get so wrong, but I suppose that is to be expected with as little contact as we have had with your world and your people. I’m sure the legends and fables of your land must have changed with each telling over the last few millennia. I will enjoy correcting your understanding of our kind once I am made Queen.
(Pause.)
Why, my becoming Queen has everything to do with you, my dearest one. You see, to fully claim the throne, I must have a consort by my side. My mother and my father demanded it be so, and as my Queen and my King, I must show them my love and obey their commands. More specifically, I must have… you.
(Pause.)
Oh, don’t be so modest, dearest one. I have spied out all of the land for nearly a decade, and you among all are most worthy. That is why I refer to you as “dearest one.” You are the most precious treasure I have found among the humans and so, by my right as heir to the throne of our kingdom, I have claimed you as my own.
I ordered my guards to bring you before me, which they have done. Now all that is left is for you to lay your head on my lap in order to accept the impartation of my ability to make you a permanent member of our mystical realm.
(Pause.)
That is correct, dearest one. You are not one of us yet. Do you see that band upon your arm?
(Brief pause.)
Yes, the one my guards informed you never to remove. It is a mystical band infused with my power. It keeps you in our realm temporarily.
If you were to remove it now, the cacophony of images and sounds that you would perceive would seem nightmarish indeed. Your human minds are not designed to perceive the mystical wonders of our realm. Without being changed by my power, and now without that band on your wrist, entering our plane of reality as you have done might cause madness and possibly death.
So now, dearest one, take your place kneeling before me and I shall impart to you the blessing that will remove any need for the band.
(Pause.)
(Gentle laughter.) Please, don’t make me laugh with your jesting, dearest one. Of course, you would not refuse such a demand. It is not your place to refuse me.
(Pause.)
Yes, that is why you were taken from your home by my guards and brought before me in chains. As you were not familiar with who I am and the situation, I could not risk my will not being accomplished.
But now you have been informed. I am your Queen. I have declared that you should be my mate, my dearest one, the king to all others in my land. Therefore, it is so. It is as simple as that.
(Pause.)
(Confused.) Dearest one, surely you’re not serious. You truly wish to oppose my will in this matter? Or at least to question it? What purposes would that serve? You cannot return to where we found you when we took you. I forbid it.
(Pause.)
Of course, you have the ability to return to your world and your home, but I do not desire for that to happen.
Perhaps I have not made myself clear. My will reigns supreme, and I have chosen you to be my dearest one. There is nothing more to it than that.
(Pause.)
Oh, I begin to understand. I have not made it clear what I mean by calling you “dearest one.” Forgive me, dearest one. I just explained to you how your misunderstanding of our kind amuses me, and yet I have just presumed that you understand our ways. How silly of me. Allow me to explain.
As the time of my coronation began to approach, my parents tasked me with finding the most precious, the most loving, the dearest treasure in all of the land to make my own. He was to be the most valuable possession, the one thing in all of my kingdom that has no equal in my sight.
The queen of our kingdom has always referred to her consort as “dearest one,” a title which marks you as my greatest treasure. While I, and all of the other citizens in my kingdom, referred to my father as “king”, my mother only ever referred to him as her “dearest one.” She truly cared for him more than any other treasure in her domain, as I will treasure you.
(Pause.)
Yes, my dearest one. My greatest possession. Nothing else compares to you in my sight.
(Pause.)
I think I understand your confusion on that subject. My dearest one, you may seem average or even unattractive to your kind. I would not know of such things.
In your realm, you measured such levels of attraction physically. In this mystical realm, I primarily see your spirit and your nature. I have witnessed your kind actions born of a pure heart. Your loving kindness to all is well known in your land and ours.
In fact, you have been granted safe passage and protection through our woods for some time now without you even being aware of our existence. You have felt a kinship to our land for a while because of our unseen hands guarding your way.
You are truly beautiful to me, dearest one. In fact, as I look upon you now with the loveliness and brightness of your spirit gently radiating around you, you are the most beautiful being I have ever laid eyes on. That is why I claimed you as mine.
(Pause.)
Yes. Mine. You will be my consort, my dearest one, but never forget that I am queen and ruler above all in my land including you. It is my will that reigns supreme in this kingdom. You will be my most cherished possession forever.
(Pause.)
(Confusion.) Dearest one, why do you still balk at my command? Am I not attractive to you as well? Is there something about me you find displeasing?
(Pause.)
Dearest one, you enthrall me with your adoring words concerning my beauty, but if I am so attractive in your sight, what is causing your hesitation? Why are you not thanking me for choosing you for this honor?
(Pause.)
Exactly. I am making you my GREATEST possession. You will be my MOST CHERISHED possession. I believe I have made this clear to you already.
(Pause.)
I see. It is the word “possession” that you find… intimidating.
No matter. I have already explained to you that I will be the Queen of these lands. My will is all that matters. Every blade of grass, every leaf, every flower, and every subject in my land belongs to me. All are my possessions to do with as I please.
I protect and care for all that is mine, and you, my dearest one, will be my most valued, my most desired possession. As you are now in my lands, you will never again age. You will never again come to any harm through sickness or natural causes.
But those are benefits all enjoy in my lands. You, dearest one, will sit at my banquet table enjoying the finest delicacies that the greatest chefs in all of your world have only dreamt of creating. You will enjoy the finest clothes, have access to the greatest treasures, and witness first-hand all of the most amazing sights this realm has to offer.
But most of all, dearest one, you will have complete and unlimited access to me. I will cherish and adore you, gracing your beauty with much more than my simple presence. You will be caressed and fondled to your heart’s desire. You will be pampered and adored in every way I know how. You will share my bath and my bed. I will cuddle you, snuggle you, relax you, and treasure you to the best of my ability.
(Pause.)
Of course. I will care for you as I care for all of my people.
(Pause.)
Dearest one, why do you continue to belabor that word? I am, or rather I will be the Queen. I protect and see to the well-being of all. Why do you have to insist that I need to learn the value of true love?
(Pause.)
(Irritation growing.) Dearest one, stop this at once. I am Queen. The way you speak of what love should be is insulting to my position as ruler of this land. You are MY subject. Not the other way around. You will love me by showing me your fealty and your obedience. I do not bow to your whims and desires. I will place you highest in the land apart from me. I will grant you a place at my table. I will even grant you a place in my bed. What more could you ask for?
(Pause.)
(Upset.) How dare you. A Queen need not ask. A Queen dare not ask lest she appear lessened in the eyes of her subjects.
(Pause.)
Love is not for a queen. Love is for inferiors. By obeying me, my subjects show me that they love me. I loved my parents, my queen and my king. To say that I love my people or even you, my dearest one, would be to say that you have a place over me. You are not my love. You are my possession.
(Pause.)
That’s right, my possessions. All in my land are. As are you, so I suggest you learn to appreciate my gifts to you before I decide that you need to be shown your place.
(Pause.)
Well then, that’s exactly what I shall do. You can forget eating at my table. You will be forced to accept the scraps that our animals enjoy for their meals. Your clothing shall be that of the ragged cloths we use to clean our floors. It will continue this way until you are ready to show me your love and your obedience.
(Pause.)
My dearest, why do you continue to provoke my wrath? If it is preferable to you to partake of the bitterness that our land has to offer rather than accept my lo… my gifts to you, then maybe you should not be allowed into my bed. Maybe it would do you some good to sleep in the coldest, darkest chamber of our basement where we store our wines and other items that must be kept in the chilliest areas of my domain.
(Pause.)
You… you are asking me to call my guards at this moment to escort you there now? You would deny me your presence in all things? You desire to live tormented by solitude, darkness, and cold rather than rest in my lov… in my soft, warm embrace?
(Pause.)
Dearest one, I plead with… I order you, do not continue down this path. I have no desire to harm you in any way. I wish only to adore you, to cherish you, to keep you safe within my arms.
(Pause.)
Yes, to keep. You would be mine. You already are mine. What you want, what any of my people want, is irrelevant when it opposes my will. You need to learn here and now that there is no opposition to my will. I am sorry if that lesson will have to be learned painfully, but you are leaving me no other option.
(Pause.)
What do you mean, then neither am I. Dearest one, you have no options. You must accede to my… Dearest one, what are you… No, dearest one. Do not remove the band. You will…
(All speaking and all normal sounds stop. Suddenly, the listener only hears the stuff that fuels nightmares. This can be a mix of whatever you want. In order to keep it ASMR, I suggest something soft like a mix of moaning, wind whistling, creaking of wood, soft creepy sounds. But if you want, you can go with screeching, shrieks, or something like that. This lasts only about 10-15 seconds. But towards the end, it seems to grow slightly in intensity as if it’s overwhelming the listener until it suddenly stops as the band is readded by Emi.)
(Panic.) Dearest one? DEAREST ONE? Can you hear me? Can you see me? I have replaced the band on your arm. Are you back with me?
(Brief pause as listener recognizes her.)
(Relief.) Oh, thank goodness. You’re here. You’re safe in my arms. Please, dearest one, please, never do that again. I could never bear it again to see you writhing and screaming in such agony. I lo…
(Pause as Emi realizes what love she feels.)
(Stunned.) I love you. I do. I did not believe it possible for a queen to feel such things. I always thought it was a weakness to feel love in this way towards anyone beneath me. I thought it denigrated the sanctity of the throne. I thought that feeling such love would place me, the queen, in the place of a… a servant needing to make sure that the will of another’s superseded my own.
(Pause.)
What do you mean, that’s exactly what love is and that’s exactly what a queen should be?
(Pause.)
I see. So that is why you appear so bright, so radiant to me. It’s because of your love for others. That is what makes you so gloriously attractive to me now.
(Pause.)
(Quiet realization.) Really? I have become even more radiant to you as well when I stepped off of my throne to save you? Did I… did I have it all wrong? I wonder now, did my parents know this would happen? Is that why they made me choose my own dearest one knowing that I would be forced to come to this understanding of what love truly is? A true queen and protector must… truly love.
(Pause as she considers such things, then she returns to her throne.)
(Dejected.) Dearest one… I mean, human, you are free to leave.
(Pause.)
(Sorrowful, trying to remain royal but finding it difficult.) Yes. I… release you. You are no longer my… dearest… I see now that keeping you against your will did not protect you. It protected me.
I am the queen. I am the protector of these lands. In order to do that, I must love them all, and I love you more than any other. By obeying my own desires, I see now that I was only doing what was in my selfish interests and not truly caring for you. I was not loving you the way a queen should. The way a loving… wife… should have.
I… I am not fit to be your consort. Please forgive me, human, for the grief you have endured due to my actions. You may return to your home… I will miss you.
(Pause.)
Human. I have released you. You may return home. Please, I beg of you, do not continue to approach me now. Your presence torments me knowing that I cannot…
(Kiss.)
Human? Why… why do you… kiss me? You have made it clear that you will not be mine.
(Pause.)
Now you will? Now that I have released you?
(Brief pause.)
Now that I have loved you.
(Becoming choked up with tears of joy.) Human… my dearest one, please, do not kneel.
(Pause.)
Yes, I know that I told you to lay your head on my lap in order to receive my gift that would allow you to remain in my realm. I no longer wish for you to receive my gift in that way. Please rise. I long to embrace you. I wish to hold you like this, our hearts beating as one pressed up against each other as I impart to you the power of my love for you that will keep you safe in our lands.
My dearest one, it is done. You are now mine.
No, wait. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t call you mine.
(Pause.)
Oh, it’s ok to say that, dearest one?
(Pause.)
Yes, we do belong to each other. (Soft laugh.) I like that very much. Dearest one, you may now safely remove the band from your wrist. You are no longer in any danger from our lands.
(Pause.)
Now, with the band removed, and you fully mine, I order you to follow me into my bed chamber. I wish to show you how much I do love you, my dearest one.
(Pause.)
Yes, that’s right. I order you. (Soft laugh.) Please.
(Kiss.)

I filed for wrist pain. When I filed I had no idea that muscular stuff was rated separately from the nerve stuff.
My examiner submitted the DBQ for the wrist, which is the exam the VA asked him to complete. However, he stated during the exam that I also have nerve issues (peripheral neuropathy?), and pointed to evidence from a physical in my STR that refers to decreased sensation in the left arm. He noted it on the medical opinion.
After learning from him that muscular and nerves were rated separately using different forms, I was hoping he would add the peripheral nerves DBQ to the exam. But he did not,
Should I go ahead and file for peripheral neuropathy now or wait? Is it possible the rater sees the mention on the medical opinion and asks for a DBQ to be completed without me filing a new claim?
I don't care if my current claims get slowed down by a new claim, but I don't want the new claim to get overlooked because it's coming in late.
Finally, if I hold off on filing for peripheral neuropathy until the muscular issues are rated, can I use the medical opinion in this claim as evidence for the new claim?
Thanks...

Hello all,
First of all I wanted to thank this community for all the help, support and comfort that they have given me. I wanted to give back by writing down a history of my entire experience with my now removed benign phyllodes tumor. Hopefully it will help somebody down the line!

• Aug 8 2023: First discovery of lump. It was probably less than half a cm when I first discovered it in my left breast. I also had a cyst in my armpit at the same time which also worried me. Since I wanted it looked at ASAP, I scheduled a primary care follow up through One Medical which allows one to book a primary care doctor within 24 hours.
• Aug 9 2023: My first appointment with primary care. My primary care doctor told me the lump was mobile and round so it didn't look like something to worry about. She also said the cyst in my armpit might be a swollen lymph node or a cyst. She wanted to schedule a follow up ultrasound for me just in case.
• Aug 14 2023: My first ultrasound. It was pretty smooth. They checked my breast and my armpit. The doctor there told me that the cyst in my armpit was definitely a cyst. They told me they couldn't confirm what's in my breast, told me there's no fluid in it so it's not a cyst and recommended I follow up with a biopsy. My lump had grown since I last saw the doctor. They measured it at 1.2 x 1.3 x 1.5 cm and classified it as BI-RADS 4.
• Sep 6 2023: My first biopsy. I had an ultrasound guided core needle biopsy. I wrote about my detailed experience here. I was worried about keloids since I'm susceptible to them so I asked that they do not put the marker in. My biopsy doctor looked at my lump through the ultrasound and said it looked like a fibroadenoma and she also agreed not to put the marker in since the lump was very visible. My lump had been growing since then and I was worried.
• Sep 26 2023: I get my biopsy results. Surgical pathology report confirms that its a fibroadenoma. They recommend I follow up with a breast ultrasound in another 6 months.
• Mar 16 2024: My second ultrasound. It went pretty smooth as well. They checked both my breast and my armpit. My armpit no longer has a cyst but they think my lymph node is a bit swollen. My breast lump had considerably grown. It was now 3.5 x1.2 x 2.3 cm and they continue to classify it as BI-RADS 4A. The ultrasound doctor recommended I get it surgically removed since it was growing quickly and told me he would follow up with my primary care doctor. He also recommended I follow up with an ultrasound for the swollen lymph node in 6 months.
• Mar 19 2024: My follow up appointment with primary care. She let me know that she also agrees that we should surgically remove the lump in my breast. She refers me to a breast surgeon.
• May 6 2024 (rescheduled from June 2024): My appointment with breast surgeon. I was pretty stressed out the whole duration since my lump continued to grow and since I was unable to get an appointment with the surgeon until June. The stress became so bad that I had a panic attack for which I went to the ER. I requested my primary care to expedite the appointment and they moved it up by a month, which made me feel much better. The breast surgeon was really nice. She let me know that it can be either a fibroadenoma or a phyllodes tumor. She also let me know that most phyllodes tumor, while they do grow big, are usually benign. Since my lump was growing she recommended we remove it and since it was near my breast curve, she would have to do an incision around the breast curve but she assured me you wouldn't be able to see the scar over time unless you really closely looked. I let her know that I get keloids easily so she prescribed adding a steroid injection during surgery to help with the keloids. She assured me though that keloids are usually not formed there but she would add the injection just in case.
• May 7 - May 14 2024: My pre-surgery preparation. I was told to not eat any blood thinners, vitamin e, fish oil the week before surgery. I also was told not to eat or drink 12 hours before surgery. Since I had to also do a pregnancy test before the surgery and since I couldn't drink water, I tried to hold my pee before I went to the hospital.
• May 14 2024: My excisional biopsy / lumpectomy surgery. I had to arrive at the surgery 2 hours before so they could take a urine sample to check if I'm pregnant and so I could wear the hospital gown and answer all the pre-operation questions. The questions asked were pretty typical of any surgical operation. Initially they said they might give me general anesthesia but they ended up switching to just using heavy sedation. I slept through the whole thing. The operation itself took about an hour and then I recovered from the sedation after another hour. In total I was in the hospital for about 4 hours and I was back. My scar was around 2 inches following the curve of my breast. I didn't really feel sleepy, just a bit thirsty and hungry since I hadn't had anything. They sent me back in a surgical bra.
• May 14 - May 20 2024: My post-surgery recovery. Pain was minimal and it was similar to an open wound. I didn't even need to take Tylenol. I made sure I didn't do too many movements the first day and didn't shower the first 2 days. I also kept the surgical bra on for the first 2 days. After the first 2 days, I could bathe but I had to pat try to make sure i didn't remove the surgical glue. I still continued to wear a sports bra on to make sure my scar didn't move around, however my surgeon said I could do whatever felt most comfortable after the first 2 days. I was able to do most things.
• May 20 2024 i.e. Today: My surgery followup. I met with my breast surgeon today. She let me know my lump was a benign phyllodes tumor. She also told me that it was good I removed it out since it might have continued to grow. She said I no longer need to do any follow up breast scans since those benign tumors are rare and very rarely show up again and that I would hopefully not see her again till I need a mammogram when I'm 40. She of course recommended I continue to check my breasts myself just in case something does show up.

My scar will probably take 1-2 months to heal. But I'm so glad that I can put this behind me. All of you here have me so much love, support and courage. Thank you.

Hey everyone, im a male, 33 and I was recently told that i developed Reactive athritis from chlamydia/epididymitis that was untreated for atleast 12 weeks. My at the time partner decide to go outside of our "arrangements" and almost 4 Mos later im still dealing with the aftermath. I guess I'm just trying to gain some clarity of all this because it's truly affecting my mental health greatly and even sitting here typing this up it's hard to hold back tears.. basically I caught the clap, had minimal symptoms so i chalked it up as dehydration, and left it untreated for about 10 weeks. then one day I had this huge throbbing lump in my right testicle so I went to the ER and was told i have epididymitus. All the while, I couldn't walk on my feet, all my joints hurt, I went from 195lbs to 171lbs (what I am currently) and literally looked liked death itself. So I ended up landing in the ER again got blood ran and all my levels were out of whack (WBC; Lipase; ect), so they did a CT scan, STDs tests and everything came up completely normal, and thats when I was told I had RA. I did 10 days of dyoxcoline, got a shot of some other hard antibiotic and recently just finished a 6 day prednisone taper. The prednisone helped but I had some crappy side effects and fast forwarding the to the last 3 weeks these have been my symptoms: moving joint swelling/Inflammation mainly in the feet, ankles, knees, shoulders lower back and neck; bad constipation that's now recently turned into horrible indigestion and acid reflux; bloating; jaw pain; sweating; pain in testicals and hips. I also feel like my head is constantly "foggy" and my anxiety has been through the roof. I literally quit ciggerettes and medicinal marjuiana cold turkey over 2 weeks ago (which I find odd because I've never been able to quit). I recently as of now have mouth sores on my cheeks and sides of my tongue. I know this is a lot but I guess what I'm trying to ask for is some reassurance that these things are "normal" with RA? No doctor or ER has referred me to any specialist and basically they've all said " I just gotta deal with it". Lol.
This experience has mentally and emotionally taken a toll on me and my family and i have googled and pretty much ran myself scared half to death because of all this and my anxiety/depression. I have came up with every single reason of why I'm dying or have some terminal thing and at this point im lost at what to do. I can't help that I feel this way each day and this is a really hard thing for me to accept considering I was just normal and healthy and active. Thank you to whoever takes the time to read this because at this point I just need insight..

So this is gonna be a long one so if you are reading this please be patient lol to start this off I am 22 married to my wife 20 for almost a year and we have been together for over a year I am military so if anyone wants to see the stereotype of getting married quickly I get it but I went into this relationship with a sincere heart and goals for the future between me and her first off I insanely looked over a lot of things in the early days of us being together she let me know that she did have bpd as well as severe depression and anxiety I said cool she's happy with me right ? Don't see how bad her mental health could be if I'm with her ! Right ? A little back story she was dealing with some legal issues from a prior relationship ex boyfriend was abusive lied manipulated her physically abused her big thing from the story is they signed a car together from a dealership ex boyfriend ended up taking it crashing it and basically lied to her about what happened so she ended up with fraud charges for insurance as well as lying on a police report well first few months of living together the thought of even getting a phone call about anything regarding the case would send her into a spiral and I dealt with it as best as I could I mean wife is upset over some heavy stuff it's understandable well about the case not a lot of things add up with what she told me when I asked at first it was she was counter suing him for the car but the ex boyfriend was never involved in court because he supposedly fled to california and she did have a lot of screenshots of this guy saying some outrageous stuff to her but how was he not involved with the case at all ? Well let's leave a pin in that for now a lot of times my wife would have some super low episode I often didn't know what to do I came home one day and she was crying hysterically in the other bedroom of our apartment while the movers brining in our furniture we're going in and out of the apartment saying she wanted to admit herself into a mental health facility to get control over it okay sounded cool that happens keep in mind I'm close with my mom I grew up practically just with my mother and a lot of times things seemed off it I didn't know what to do I talked to my mom about (LET ME KNOW IF THATS WRONG) my mother ended up coming down to visit shortly after could it have been planned better oh for sure wife ends up saying that i brought her down here to babysit her which wasnt the case at all and a lot of the times i would talk to my.mother she said some things like she is leeching off of me or she is dramatic wife ends up seeing these text messages and claims i am talking shit about her and I practically betrayed her this is a common theme after this and my mom claims she wants to love her like a daughter but i understand and cant defend certain things she has said like callimg her a leech but with me and my wife I feel like i am walking on eggshells every little misunderstanding or something that makes her upset is never small its always she needs to leave or wants a divorce its never just sitting down and getting through the problem oh but if it is like that im always at fault and im the issue for everything its never why i did or said somethint its i did or said something im a piece of shit multiple times she has tried to leave one time i actually tried to end it cordially and move on with my life i ended up downloading tinder trying to distract myself she leaves took the dogs only to end up texting me an hour later talking about how she might be pregnant only thinking that because she was spotting the previous day saying do i wanna be a deadbeat ill never meet my kid and i need to take accountability and man up she comes back sees tinder on my phone and claims i was cheating on her after she took the dogs and left said the relationship was over? Obviously I don't want some side chick I want my wife but if she's leaving and I tried all I could what can I do ya know so it's always just been I cheated on her even though I've never had any physical relationship with another girl while with her trying to talk to her when she is upset is like talking to a brick wall she claims I suck at communicating but she will literally ignore me and not say anything when I try and talk to her while she's upset this was only back in March and I tried talking to her and she blew up because I wasn't leaving her alone ended up pulling a knife holding it to her neck or her wrist claiming she will hurt herself if I don't get away she actually tried to OD one night same thing with the tinder said the relationship was over came bavk and was upset she saw tinder receipts in my.email because she decided to go through my phone when i went to bed just started eating all the p meds she could get her hands on and she has a lot ! I honestly feel like a hostage because if I'm upset Ill get over it but God forbid if it's anything at all I'm at fault and it's me trying to hold this relationship together by my teeth she claims I have an unhealthy relationship with my mom and that she is too involved with our marriage because I have talked to my mom about things when they were just too much is actually right now trying to get me into therapy because I have issues and need to figure them out or she's leaving and the situation with my mother now is their had been damage to our relationship and it brings me great pain it's literally disown my own mother or she's leaving she wants nothing to do with her absolutely no compromise at all even today she brought up a topic about her not me and got upset at me because I didn't say what she wanted me to say ? Claiming that she told me exactly what I should say BULLSHIT absolutely not now she's mad at me again for real this time again and doesn't allow me to try and comfort her to do something as a husband to make her feel better whenever she gets upset it's always something about her sometimes so wild she will bring up her past about how she was molested in a situation that I see no correlation this relationship is literally her way or the highway and I see this but I really don't know what to do I feel stuck but if I'm wrong please let me know