Is the Ezio skin permanent in the store or will it disappear after the event? Does the execution animation come with the costume or do we need to buy it separately? Finally, how many hours of playing the game can I get the costume without paying?

I'm not confident in being able to make a cosplay, and Archangel Haniel from Sono Bisque has a lot of draping fabrics. 1) I will be traveling, and my folks have suggested that I should take the opportunity to get the costume tailor-made. I will be printing reference sheets of what I want; should I also buy the materials? I've been doing my own research for fabric but I'm not totally confident in making the right choice. There's also a corset, should I bring instructions on how to make one? Any tutorial recommendations? 2) I've only ever hand sewn things. Can anyone share a good tutorial getting into sewing machines? Or would sewing be better to learn from someone in-person? Are sewing machines second-hand worth it? 3) I will be traveling to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam, does anyone have any recommendations for local tailors in the area?

Throwaway account that I'll probably delete fairly soon, I just wanted to tell this story lol.
This happened a while ago and I will say that most everything is fine and smoothed over now. But I wanted to share because dang, it’s a bit of a crazy story. Also, I apologize if this gets a bit long, there’s kind of a lot to unpack and it’s all (mostly) necessary haha.
I (21f) am the oldest of six kids and our parents divorced when I was a sophomore in high school. It was a little messy, and they were never cordial about it. But once it was over, life calmed down (as long as they stayed away from each other everything was fine lol). That being said, I never thought for a second that either of them deserved to die alone and sad, of course I wanted them both to date again and eventually get remarried. However, I never thought my dad would be crazy enough to plan a surprise wedding that we didn’t even know was happening until it was over.
Sidenote: Don’t hate me please, I know surprise weddings can work out really well and be cute and spontaneous and such, but the way this happened was the complete opposite and was even a bit traumatic for all of us. Just hear me out.
For a bit of backstory, we grew up fairly high middle class. My dad made a fair share of money so we never had to worry about not having a decent sized Christmas or enough food to eat, and we grew to be a family of 8. My dad is an extremely logical human being. He never spent money on something unless he could see a justifiable value to it. For example, we never went to Disneyland as a family when we were young because he just didn’t see the point I guess. It’s fine, we had a great childhood without trips like that but that’s kind of a normal vacation for middle class families, ya know? In fact, anytime we went anywhere at all for a vacation was considered a luxury in our family. In addition, his way of showing love was lecturing us on everything we could do better and the options we have ahead of us. For example, I was always told that my time spent in high school theater was wasted and I could instead be practicing my art so that I could illustrate an animated video game someday and make tons of money (he didn’t care that I wasn’t interested in that at all). He talked about how I shouldn’t be so worried about getting into college because there are other options (he said a few too many times that “Elon Musk actively looks for people who never went to college because colleges brainwash everyone to think the same and he wants creative people who are capable of thinking outside the box”). Looking back, I somewhat understand, but as a teenager just trying to figure out what I want to do with my life it sounded like if I wasn’t a certain way and doing certain things or meeting a certain bar, I wasn’t deserving of his approval and my life would turn out to be a failure. He also made it feel like any time spent with my friends at the time was a waste because “friends come and go but family is forever, you should be spending time with your family”. He would also tell us that “this could be the last time you see your grandparents” anytime we had plans that conflicted with an extended family gathering. Also not a great thing to hear as a teenager. Basically, he was a master at guilt-tripping and if it didn’t have a direct application to his version of a promising future, it wasn’t worth it.
My mom divorced him because he wasn’t showing that he cared anymore. He spent all day every day in his office and only came out for food. She was always doing everything around the house, but he still felt in charge of the house. No one had privacy including her because he owned everything. Nothing was to be done around the house without his approval and anytime she tried to make something better (like finishing some rooms in the unlivable basement) he shot it down immediately. Granted, my mom had some problems too, but it was evident that she was trying and with dad it just didn’t seem like he was putting in the same effort. Yet after the divorce, he still always talked about how “your mother broke up the family” and “your mother changed and wasn’t the same person anymore” and stuff like that. It NEVER crossed his mind that he could be part of the problem at all.
So that’s who my dad is. We never had a great relationship because by the time I got into high school and was old enough to actually develop a healthy and lasting relationship, dad was aloof, criticized everything I did, and just didn’t seem to care anymore.
Now flash forward to about a year ago, November of 2022. I was getting married and was so excited but also scared out of my mind to tell people because I was so young (19 at the time). When I told my dad and decided to share the personal spiritual experience that led me to my decision, he flat out laughed in my face, confirming my fear and that I was right to stop confiding in him when I was in high school. He didn’t approve of my husband, especially because of our 5 year age gap, but I knew for a fact that he was the one and I wasn’t going to let my toxic father sway me. I was upset by his reaction, but shook it off. But then he called me asking about the father-daughter dance. I had decided I wasn’t going to do one because we didn’t have that kind of relationship but I just couldn’t bring myself to say no. I told him I’d think about it and discussed it extensively with my husband. Because how could he treat me this way for years and then suddenly expect to dance with me on my wedding day? Eventually I decided to just go ahead and do it and it turned out to be beautiful. We were both crying and it felt like something had healed between us. I finally had hope for our relationship.
About a month later, my parents had been separated for about 4 and a half years and the divorce was finalized for two, and my dad started dating this chick named “Britney”. We knew nothing about her except that she lived out of state so much of their relationship was online (texting and video calling) except she did come to town every now and then for the big parties that my dad would throw in our childhood home. Dad? Throwing parties? There’s no way. But there was way, apparently. At 50 years old, he threw a huge white elephant Christmas party for like 20 people, another one for Valentine’s day, and April Fools, spending tons of money on decorations for every celebration. One of them was a slumber party! And all these people he’s inviting are old single adults, like him. What the FRICK. This is why I spent all that time with backstory because this was beyond unusual for my dad. There was also this one time he went to Vegas to spend time with Britney and her kids and we’re like... Dad? In VEGAS?? Who even is he anymore?? It’s whatever though, and at my sister’s symphony concert that spring, we finally got to meet Britney and her two girls. She seemed nice! We liked her, but the conversation lasted about two seconds so we didn’t actually get to know much about her lol. My siblings had met her a couple more times I think, but that was the one time my husband and I had actually met and talked to her in person. From my siblings though, we found out that she’s 35, she’s a video game nerd just like my dad and they play together all the time, and that they’re looking at apartments nearby so she and her kids can move closer. So it’s getting serious then. I didn’t think it was a bad idea, I actually thought it was great and they could use more time in person with each other, but it was just a notable step in their relationship.
At the start of summer, my dad informed me that he wanted to plan a day at a fantasy adventure theme park with Britney and her girls so we could all get to know each other better. I thought it was a great idea seeing as they could be getting married in the future. He said we were all gonna be dressing up, he'd buy everything, and gave each of us a $200 budget for our costumes. I was beyond excited and worked with my husband to create high quality fantasy outfits for each of us. My excitement only increased when I heard that my cousin “Dave” would be joining us along with his wife and kids.
A few days before the event, my sister texted me letting me know that dad had told the kids he would be proposing to Britney at the park. Not overly surprising considering everything else I’d heard about their relationship, but I appreciated the heads up so I could process and come to terms with it. It is important to note that I had no idea what else was planned for that day, just that we were to meet at the park the morning of.
On the day of, my husband and I, donned in our fantastical costumes, drove to the park to meet up with my dad and the rest of the family. We got there around 11:00 am which was interesting because the park doesn’t open to the public until 6:00 pm but apparently dad had paid for a private event so we were allowed in that early. We hung out inside a building that resembled a hobbit hole (very cool) and played a huge D&D session with 17 people which was crazy but also fun (and they had modified the game so it would be fairly quick and easy for a group that large that also included a few kids). A couple hours into the story, we ended and the tables were moved. Then the place was invaded by elves and knights that started to interrogate us about the events in our session! It was very cool, it was like we were immersed in the story. We then went on an adventure with some fairies, a few dragon trainers, did sword training with the knights, it was a whole thing and we had a lot of fun.
It started to get weird when we returned to the hobbit hole. Britney and Dave’s wife had been taken from our group before the sword training for “further interrogation” which I thought was a little odd but I didn’t think about it too much. However, back at the hobbit hole, the benches had been rearranged in a bit of a semi circle as if they were facing a stage. We all sat down and I naturally began to mentally prepare myself for a proposal. That had to be the thing happening next, right? One of the elves came to the front and started to “reveal his true intentions” which was to get married so he could have the right to the elf fortune or whatever the story was. He revealed that the disappearances that we were investigating in our D&D session were because of him, he was kidnapping girls and poisoning them and he’d only give them the antidote if they agreed to marry him. A little weird, but okay, who am I to judge, this is an immersive fairytale basically. Then Britney comes in IN A FULL ON WEDDING DRESS with Dave’s wife, and she was stumbling and acting very weird. Then I realized that they were in on the whole thing!! So Britney is now supposedly “poisoned” by the elf dude and is being forced to marry him. But she’s saying “no I will never marry you” and my dad’s saying “marry him or you’ll die!” and it’s just so weird and crazy and I’m trying to just make sense of what’s going on. Meanwhile, the dragon trainers and fairies are getting all upset and riled up because of this guy poisoning people so they riot and drag the elf out of the door while Britney “dies”. My dad rushes to her side and starts making this whole speech about how “we’re the good guys, this isn’t how it’s supposed to end!” and a bunch of crap like that, it was like we were watching a full-on play! He actually said the words “where’s the justice?” and I’m still not over it, so funny lol. Eventually, dad takes off this amulet thing he was wearing and says “this amulet was supposed to protect us...” and then “in his grief” he places it around her neck and surprise! She’s alive again! Don’t you just love a happy ending? So they’re happy, they hug, people clap for some reason, and then he helps her up all like “I thought I lost you!” And then he proceeds to give another little speech about how much he loves her and how he could never imagine his life without her which was super cute. He actually teared up a bit too which was sweet. He then got down on one knee and proposed. The theatrics were a little much leading up to that point, but I was very happy for them nonetheless. She of course said yes and everyone cheered.
Meanwhile, I’m processing because that was weird, what the heck did I just watch?
AND THEN.
My dad turned to Dave, who was dressed as a paladin for the event, and said “Sir Paladin, would you perform the ceremony?” And then my cousin, Dave, just starts to marry them?? On the spot?? I was super confused and wasn’t even sure if it was real because as far as I knew Dave was not an ordained minister and it was a fairytale, remember? So obviously it had to end in a wedding and a happily ever after cuz that’s how fairytales work. So I’m trying to make sense of everything happening before my eyes, Dave pronounces them husband and wife, and my dad says something about cake and drinks. Then Dave comes up to me and says “I thought I should let you know, you were a witness.” And THEN I came to the realization that that was real. 100% real. And I had no idea, nobody knew. Except for, well, my dad, Britney, and Dave I guess (he said he got ordained so he was able to legally perform that ceremony). Everyone started to mingle, eat cake, and party with the fantasy characters. We all took happy-looking pictures, but on the inside I was freaking out, and very much not happy. I really wanted to be happy for them, especially because I knew the woman he was marrying was really sweet and nice, but I just couldn’t bring myself to feel any joy at all. I felt betrayed and actually ended up leaving the party for a while. I wasn’t the only one, either, one of my sisters broke down too, my dad didn’t mention anything to anyone. No talk about the possibility of Britney being our stepmom, no discussion about the changes that will take place, no consideration at all for how his kids might be feeling about something like that. I would have been happy to participate in a fantasy wedding if he had just talked to us and given us some time to process what that meant.
Anyway, the park opened shortly after we finished cleaning up and I basically avoided him and his new wife for the rest of the night. Me, my husband, and my two sisters roamed the park away from everyone else and just focused on having a good time with each other. We went to all the booths, completed quests, and bought a few souvenirs. Then we ended up leaving early to grab some smoothies and head back to my apartment. My youngest sister (age 15) decided to stay the night at my place (understandably) and dad was not happy about that. Luckily he didn’t go too crazy about it (I heard later that he had almost called the cops) and he told me to have her back before he and Britney left for their honeymoon the next day. I didn’t want to start a fight so I obliged but like... that wasn’t okay.
It’d be one thing if they’d been dating for a couple years, we got to know her, she’s awesome, she’s basically a part of the family, etc. and then they surprise us with their wedding, that makes sense. But turning an event that was supposed to help us get to know her into their wedding completely blindsided us and no bonding ended up happening. It felt like everything that had healed at my wedding just broke. I thought he was changing and then he pulled that. And that’s not even the worst part, it’s the fact the NOBODY WAS THERE. It was just us kids, her kids, and my cousin Dave’s family. My dad’s parents weren’t there, his siblings weren’t there, no one from her side was there... did they just think that everyone was going to be okay with this?
Anyway, I’ve heard reports from my siblings that he is getting better and actually considering the feelings of other people and trying to be a good dad now which is good. But I’m still struggling with visiting him and stuff just because so far he’s just always proven to be the same old version of himself that lost my trust. We did go spend some time with them for Christmas this year though, and things are starting to get better I think. Britney is really nice and cool, and I’ve never seen my dad so happy. So don’t worry, everything’s fine, and my siblings and I laugh about it now, I just kinda wish that they’d done the whole thing a little differently and in a way that actually included us instead of making us feel like we were in some kind of fever dream lol.

“Well, Sir, it wuz, ohhhhhhh ... bout 1985, I reckon it were. I wuz jest gettin back to the house after a long night of runnin shine at the old still site. A bunch of weird shit went on that night. It wuz like I kept a’hearin voices in the woods. Now, I ain’t speaking bout no human voices. Nor am I speaking Sasquatch voices. They wuz high squeaky voices, and creepy and sech. I got the impression they wuz tryin to call me off into the woods. Of course, I had a haid full of acid during my shine run, so I didn’t really pay the voices no mind. But still, there wuz sumthang bout these here voices. They twernt the usual voices I wuld hear.”
“So, I git back to the house. I decided to relax a bit before bed. I warmed me up a leftover Sasquatch burger to eat. Then I kicked back in my Lazy-Boy that I stole, and scorched a fat doob while I watched “Anal Intruder 14” (My favorite of the series) on VHS. Then there wuz a knock at my door. ‘Goddamn it!!’, I thought, ‘Who’s knocking on my door at 7am in the morn?!?’”
“When I opened the damn door I found old Sheriff standing thar. I sed ‘Goddamn it, you fat sumbitch! What the fuck are you doing bothering me this early in the morning?!?’ Sheriff sed ‘Look, Roy, I know it’s early, but I am here on official business. Old Mrs. Miller called. Her old man, old “Big Cock from Talking Rock” didn’t come home last night. He went out coon hunting near here but didn’t show up for breakfast. Have you seen him?’ I told Sheriff I ain’t seen shit, then shut the door. But old Sheriff stuck his foot inside the door jam to keep me from closing my door.”
“I gave old Sheriff a look like I wuz pissed, and I wuz. Then he put up his hand and sed ‘Roy, please?’ I could see that the sumbitch wuz troubled, so I sed ‘Well shit, you may as well come on inside and tell me about it.’ “
“Sheriff sat down on the couch while I sat back down in my Lazy-Boy. Sheriff asked ‘Is that one of them Lazy-Boy recliners? Man, they sure is comfortable. I used to have one, but some sumbitch broke into my house recently and stole mine. I sure would like to catch that miscreant!’ I looked at Sheriff and sed ‘Prolly darkies. They will steal everything not nailed down.’ ‘Yep’, agreed Sheriff.”
“I asked ‘What’s troubling ya, Sheriff?’ Sheriff sighed, then started in. ‘Well, Roy, Mrs. Miller told me some troubling things, and ... uh, Roy, could you put your dick away while we talk?’ I asked Sheriff if he wanted me to turn off “Anal Intruder 14” too, and he said he did. So I shut off my Zenith and put my thumpin stick away.
“Sheriff continued, ‘Mrs. Miller claims old Big Cock has been talking all crazy, about hearing malevolent voices in the woods at night. He even said he saw some little green men and that they were the source of the voices. Roy, I don’t want to tell you this, but old Big Cock thought these little green fellas meant to kill him.’
“Then Sheriff sed ‘Roy? ROY!!!’ I had nodded off, so I made Sheriff repeat hisself. When he finished he asked, ‘Well, what do ya think, Roy?’ I held up two fangers and sed ‘Two thangs, Sheriff. First, you need to stop assuming that I give a fuck about your shit. You need to pull up yer big girl panties and do yer goddamn job. I ain’t yer fucking daddy. Two, I like old Big Cock, so instead of giving you the ass whuppin you deserve, I is gonna hep ya.’”
“Then I asked, ‘Sheriff, you ever heard talk of the Pukwudgie?’ Sheriff thought fer a moment, rubbing his chin and narrowing his eyes. I then sed to Sheriff ‘You don’t know what the fuck a Pukwudgie is, dumbass. Quit acting like you is trying to think.’ ‘Sorry Roy’, sed the Sheriff. I retorted, ‘Yep, you IS a sorry sumbitch.’”
“By this point I’d had enough of this shit-head, so I pulled out my lil old Sig P226 outa my conceal holster I have sewn into my taint and pointed it right at Sheriff’s head. Sheriff’s eyes grew bigger than 2 dinner plates. He starts crying out ‘ROY? NOOOOOOO!!!!!! BIG COCK!!!!!! REMEMBER???? BIG COCK!!!!!!’ Then I thought about “Old Big Cock From Talking Rock”. I lowered my pistol.”
“Old Big Cock and I met in Vietnam, during the war. I wuz at this here whore house called “The Slanted Crack”, jest a bangin away on sum sweet, young thang when I heard a voice from behind me say ‘She’s dead’. I thought ‘What the fuck?’, but kept on pounding that gook. Then the voice sed ‘Dude, I told you, that chick is dead.’ I turned around and thar stood Old Big Cock From Table Rock.”
“I sed ‘What the fuck is you talking about, GI?’ That’s when BC walked up and sed ‘Yeah, dude, I fucked that bitch. Then I shot her in the top of her head.’ I looked down at the bitch. I guessed it made sense because she was not really participating. I looked back up at BC and asked him why he shot the bitch. BC sed, ‘Well, I figured that she just fucked me, so I owed her a fucking, so BOOM!! Yer fucked! Heh heh heh!!!’ After that, BC and I hung tight.”
“Eventually we got separated, as I got assigned to a unit sent into Cambodia to do sum nasty business. BC and I lost touch. Then, low and behold, I ran into him after the war at the feed store whar I wuz buyin sum corn fer a batch of shine. He jest happened to move into town fer sum white-bread job. By then he already got him a wife and family and turned to God.”
“Of course, old BC could not reconcile his newfound belief structure with my Satanic worship, shine runnin, whorin, and racist-terrorism lifestyle, so we did not really hang anymore. Of course, it wuz that old whore he married that got him on the straight and narrow. The old BC I remember from Nam wuz all about banging slanty eyes, knifing Cong, and blowing up children’s hospitals. He shore had changed.”
“But I do not begrudge BC a good family life. It ain’t fer ME, mind ya. But that damn war changed a lot of folks. If’n family is what BC needed, then so be it. I would still run into old BC in town from time to time. We wuz both friendly, and genuinely glad to see one another. But ever time I brung up the war he just got quiet and sed he didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Now, sir, I reckon most folks who wuz in Nam try to ferget. I cannot blame ‘em. It ‘twas pure hell. But yer old Roy has sum pretty good coping mechanisms, so it did not get on top of me like it did sum fellers. Fact is, and I am not ashamed to admit it, I had me a fucking blast in Nam! I got to hang out of choppers, firing machine guns at those little fuckers on the ground. There wuz non-stop whoring and fighting. Fer a poor old southern country boy from the hills, it was goddamn exciting!!”
“But I still got a soft spot fer old BC. We had us sum good times together, we did. There wuz this one time we stopped a caravan of trucks on this little mule path of a road in the jungle. We figured they may be moving soldiers and weapons to the enemy, so we stopped it. BC went to check on the cargo in the first truck. He radioed to us and sed ‘Well, they ain’t exactly Cong’. But due to the shitty radio BC wuz a’carryin, we only heard ‘EXACTLY ... CONG’. So we stormed the caravan and shot ever living thang in them trucks. We lit ‘em up!!”
“Turned out it wuz a caravan of local kids being bussed to a school. Whoops!! The CO blamed BC, who blamed his radio. 33 Vietnamese kids snuffed, and all because of a misunderstanding. Ha ha ha ha!!! The CO let BC off the hook. He was happy that these little fuckers now would not have a chance to grow up and shoot back at us. Shit like this kind of gave Old Big Cock a conscience, I thinks.”
“There wuz this other time in Nam when sum us guys got sent to a native hospital to vaccinate sum thar little kids. Old BC and I decided to have us sum fun. Whilst all them lil gooks wuz in the tent getting thar shots, we lit up sum firecrackers and tossed them in the tent. Well, Sir, one them grown-up gooks had a gun. He apparently mistook the firecrackers fer gunshots, so he showed his jammy.”
“That did not go over well with our GIs in the tent. The boys standing guard opened fire on the grown-up gook with their M-16s, taking out 5-6 kids in addition to their intended target. We all know them thar little gooks are sumtimes booby trapped with explosives. Not wanting to take any chances, I grabbed my M-16, stepped into the tent, and yelled ‘BOMB!!’ At that point, everyone opened fire!!”
“Well, once we got dun stacking up all the dead gook kids, we realized there wuz no bomb. The CO called me over and demanded to know why I screamed ‘bomb’. He screamed at me, ‘YOU COCKSUCKING HILLBILLY F#GGOT SON OF A BITCH!! DID YOU EVEN SEE A BOMB?’ I sed ‘No Sir!’. He continued, ‘THEN WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU YELL “BOMB” AND GET ALL THESE CHILDREN KILLED?’ I replied, ‘Sir, them lil swarthy gooks are always booby trapping thar kids. I figured it would save the lives of our good old American boys if’n we jest cut to the chase and eliminate the threat altogether, Sir.’”
“The CO thought a moment, the sed ‘GOOD THINKING, SOLDIER! GOOD THINKING!!! KEEP IT UP!’, then he patted me on the shoulder and that wuz the last I heard of it. I found old BC sitting on the ground holding one them dead gooks. He had tears streaming down his face.”
“I sed, ‘Goddamn, BC, you look like you is due fer the Thorazine Tent. The fuck is wrong with you?’ Old BC picked up a little severed leg and a little severed arm that apparently belonged to the mini gook he wuz a’holdin. With tears coming out of his eyes, Old Big Cock whimpered ‘I can’t put him back together. I can’t put him back together. I can’t put him back together. I CAN’T PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER!!! I CAN’T PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!’ “
“I sed to myself ‘Yikes! This sumbitch has snapped!’ I took old BC’s guns, then had a word with the CO about Big Cock’s condition. The CO told me ‘BASH THAT SICK FUCKER OVER THE HEAD, TIE HIM UP, AND THROW HIM IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK. WE’LL SHIP HIM OFF FOR EVALUATION LATER. NOW, LET’S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. MOVE! MOVE!! MOVE!! MOVE!! MOVE!! MOVE!!”
“That wuz the last I saw of BC until he showed up here in town. He got shipped off to the funny farm hospital. But they wouldn’t send him home. They had him pushing a broom and cuttin taters and sech, just no combat and no guns.”
“After reminiscing, I looked at old Sheriff and sed, ‘I reckon I need to see what I can do fer old Big Cock. Whar the fuck his old lady at? I need to talk to her. Sheriff asked ‘Do ya think that’s a good idea, Roy? She’s real tore up.’ I picked up the carved stone ash tray on the table next to my chair and slung it hard at Sheriff’s head. THUMP!!!! It gave him a nice, bloody gash in his forehead. Sheriff let out a howl, ‘OHHHHHHHHH!!! Goddamn, Roy! That hurts! Why did you do that?’ I sed ‘Don’t ever question me, snot-head. Now shut the fuck up and let’s go see BC’s bitch.’”
“It took us about an hour to get to BC’s house. It twere jest an average looking, white bread house. The lawn was manicured, there were a white picket fence, and 2 little statues of a couple nicely dressed negro fellers in the front yard. As Sheriff knocked on the front door, I whipped out my cock to take a piss off the porch. Sheriff musta heard the tinkling sound cuz he turned and sed ‘Roy!! What are you doing?!? STOP THAT!’ With my right hand, I gave him a stern back-handed bitch slap across his fat face. WHAPPP!!!! Then I sed ‘Shut up.’ About that time the door opened.”
“Old Mrs. Miller opened the door just as I wuz putting my cock back in my pants. Sheriff sed ‘Hello Mrs. Miller. I brought along an old friend of your husband, Roy. He lives back up in Sasquatch Hollar, near where John had been coon hunting.” Mrs. Miller sed ‘Yes, I know Roy. He was in the service with my John, in Vietnam.’ The little woman wuz not too fond of me cuz soon after they moved to town I picked up BC one afternoon, got him all coked up and ended up crashing his BMW into Bigfoot River with a dead stripper in the trunk.”
“I sed ‘Why hello there, Mrs. Miller. Sheriff here has been telling me about your husband and his problems. I came to see if’n I can help.’ Despite her feelings about me, she seemed genuinely glad I wuz here. We went inside the house and sat down. Mrs. Miller served us coffee, then we started talking.”
“Just like Sheriff has told me, old Big Cock had been acting funny lately. He started acting paranoid and talking about little green men in the woods. They wuz whispering to him in the dark woods and beckoning him to follow, though he never did. His wife sed she tried to keep him at home, but that BC sed they were calling him and he had to go; he had to find out what they wanted. He had to follow them. Clearly his wife was really concerned, but it sounds like there wuz nothing she could do to stop him from returning to those dark woods to try and break the spell they had on him.”
“Sheriff then told Mrs. Miller that I wuz an ex-commando and that I specialized in paranormal occurrences and investigations. The poor, desperate old lady looked to me with big, doe eyes hoping that I had something to say that would ease her mind, and maybe help find her beloved man. Mrs. Miller gently asked me, ‘Roy, do you think John is still ... alive?’”
“I replied, ‘Fuck no. That sumbitch is dead as hell.’ Poor Mrs. Miller went to crying hysterically. Sheriff scolded me fer being blunt with the woman. When he got her settled down she asked me what I knew of what happened. I guess I owed the old woman an explanation.”
“So I sed, ‘Look, I don’t know fer sure if old Big Cock is still alive or not ...’ Then Mrs. Miller interrupted me, saying ‘...John. Please call him John.’ I said ok. Then I continued, ‘The thang is that from everthang you and Sheriff been telling me, this is a case of the Pukwudgie.’”
“Mrs. Miller did not understand. So I explained to her that the Pukwudgie, or the little people, are small, green demonic people that live in the woods. They hate humans, and try to lure them to their deaths. Mrs. Miller looked terribly shocked. She asked ‘Are these things... these Pukwudgie, are they ... REAL?’ I sed ‘Shit yeah, they is real, woman. I seen ‘em. Best thang to do is to ignore ‘em. Well, that, and shoot the little bastards.’”
“I continued, ‘Yessir, I have seen those little peckers. You will be out thar in the deep, dark woods, runnin shine, or huntin, er fishin, or performing some Satanic magic, then you start hearing talking. It starts out real low. It sounds like a conversation between 2 or more of them, but you cannot understand them because they is speaking so fast.’”
“I went on, ‘Then, all a sudden, they call out yer name. That’s when shit starts gettin REALLY creepy. They get yer attention and then they call you to them. They will show themselves to ya if you follow their call. They is sum ugly motherfuckers too. They stand about 3 feet tall and look like little green trolls. Then, once you have contact with them, they try to lead you off into the woods. Some say that they want to lead you off so they can kill ya. I guess they ambush ya er sumthang. When I see one I usually pull my pistol and blow their heads to bits. It explodes like a cantaloupe, but it splatters this green goo.’”
“Mrs. Miller asked, ‘So, you have never followed on of these ...Pukwudgie... off into the woods?’ I sed ‘Hell no. I kill the little fuckers. BUT, they been known to get inside yer head and put a spell on you to whar ya can’t resist thar call. In that case, they lead ya off into the woods and you are never seen er heard from again ... ever.’”
“I know this wuz troubling news for Mrs. Miller, but she needed to hear the truth. After a few moments of silence, Mrs Miller asked if I would go to the woods where Big Cock went coon hunting and see if I could either find him or find his body and return it to her fer a proper Christian burial.”
“I sed ‘Look, I like Old Big Cock....uh, I mean, John. But if the Pukwudgie got him, then there prolly won’t be no sign left. They would drag him off into some underground lair.’ Then Mrs. Miller pleaded with me. She sed ‘Look, we don’t have a lot of money, but I could pay you. How about ... $5,000.00? I just got to know.’ I still wuz not eager to go about fucking with them thar sneaky little critters. But Mrs. Miller wuz getting real desperate. I wuz feeling sorta sorry fer her. I also felt some sense of duty to Big Cock, a fellow soldier.”
“I came to a conclusion. I sed ‘Ok, Mrs Miller, I will do it. I will try to find yer husband, or at least what happened to him out thar, but on 2 conditions.’ Mrs. Miller eagerly nodded. I continued, ‘First, you pays me my $5k up front, as in now.’ She sed ‘Done. I have the cash upstairs. What is the second condition?’”
“I sed ‘The second condition is that you go into that kitchen over thar, drop your drawers and bend over the table so I can fuck ya.’ Mrs. Miller’s face sank, and tears started rolling down her face. Softly she spoke, ‘John always said you are an evil man, Roy. He said you do not know the Lord. He said you did horrible things in Vietnam. Now I believe him.”
“As Mrs. Miller is talking I glance at my watch. Goddamn, it wuz noon already and I still ain’t got no sleep after last night’s shine run. Then I remembered the voices. I heard them motherfuckers last night at the Still site!”
“I butted Into Mrs. Miller’s evangelical bullshit and sed ‘I know whar they is! Those Pukwudgie were calling me last night at my Still site, which was when Old Big Cock went missing in the same general area. I thought I wuz jest high - and I wuz - but those were the weird, outa the ordinary voices I heard.’ Now I had Mrs. Miller’s attention. Even old Sheriff wuz on the edge of his seat.”
“Mrs Miller excitedly asked me would I go get her husband. She sed ‘Oh, sweet Jesus, Roy, you KNOW where he is. Will you go? Will you please go?’ I sed ‘Yep, I’ll go, and I will kill ever last one of then Pukwudgie critters. If John is thar, I will git him.’”
“Then I sed, ‘Mrs. Miller, ya’ll don’t got to pay me none. Old Big Cock is my friend. So you can keep yer money.’ She nodded, with hope in her eyes. Then I sed ‘Now git yer ass in the kitchen.’ She looked stunned. I sed, ‘Bitch, I may be not gonna charge ya, but I is still gonna fuck ya. So git in that thar kitchen and git yer britches off! The longer you take, the longer it will take me to find Old Big Cock!!’ She sheepishly did as she was told.”
“After I nutted in Mrs. Miller’s cooter, I told Sheriff to give me the keys to his police cruiser. He sed ‘Roy, you know I can’t do that.’ Then BAMMM!!!! I punched that prick right in the throat. He went down like a sack of taters. As he was lying there, desperately gasping fer breath, I fished his car keys out of his pocket and took his pistol. Then I walked out the door, leaving Sheriff writhing on the floor, and Mrs. Miller lying in fetal position and sobbing on the kitchen floor. I checked Sheriff’s pistol. It was a .380. I stopped in my tracks and sed ‘This is f#ggot shit!!’, then tossed the cheap, pussy gun on Mrs. Miller’s front lawn. I got into Sheriff’s car and then headed back to Sasquatch Hollar. I figured I would get me sum real firepower and then go kill sum Pukwudgie. On the drive I wondered how those little critters would taste grilled.”
“So I got back home and prepared to do my loadout. Fer you f#ggot-homosexuals out thar, that means getting reddy fer battle. I went into the house and the first thang I did wuz put on some fightin’ music on my music player. I chose some Dying Fetus, which be sum extreme deth metal. I stuck the CD in the player then cranked that sumbitch loud enuff old Satan hisself had to cover his ears. I wanted to get inta the mood, if’n ya knows what I mean. Next wuz my vest. It is a Russian tactical belt/vest I pulled off a dead commie bastard. I fucking hate commies! Then come the blades: 2 ProTech Godfather switchum blades and a big old Kabar. Finally, it wuz time fer the guns.”
“But before I could do my gun load-out, I had to change CDs to enhance my mood. I took out the Dying Fetus and replaced it with Goatwhore, cranked so fucking loud that even the angels above will have debilitating tinnitus. Then came the guns.”
“Them Pukwudgies are little and sneaky. I am gonna need a shotgun fer this hunt. But I also want shell capacity. So I went to my safe and pulled out my Saiga 12. I loaded some drums with 3” magnums in double-ought buckshot. This setup will literally shred them little munchkins to pieces.”
“Next came my backup weapon. Since we weren’t talking bout anything big, I pulled out my Sig M400 AR-15. It wuz already loaded wit a 60 round mag. I grabbed me 5 more loaded 60s, all green tips. Next wuz my sidearm. Again, small pussy targets. I had the PERFECT choice: My FN Five-seveN! I put that sumbitch in a holster and on my gun belt, with 2 extra 20 round mags. Those 5.7s will gut the little monsters.”
“Now fer my backup handgun. I chose my CZ75 SP-01. My particular one had 18+1 capacity. I just stuck this fucker and 2 extra mags in my belt, privateer style! Finally, jest fer Insurance, I got out my Kimber micro-9s. These are basically pocket guns of last resort. I sticks em in my overalls’ front pockets.”
“Then came the piece-de-la-resistance: My Ruger Super Redhawk revolver chambered fer .480 cartridges and with an 8 inch barrel. This wuz my true LAST RESORT CCW piece. I pulled down my drawers and inserted this big beautiful bastard right up my ass, barrel first, fer Deep Concealed Carry. I let the handle stay on the outside and fit it snug up into my taint. Then I put my draws back on and suited up.”
“I headed straight fer my still site. By now it wuz 3 pm. Them lil fuck-faces won’t come out until after dark. Like I dun sed, I ain’t been to sleep. So I thought, fuck it, I’ll lean up agin one these old hardwood trees and gits me sum shut eye while waitin fer dark.”
“I woke up just as the sun wuz settin, feeling this sharp pain in my nethers. I looked down and found a squirrel chewing on my nuts! I snatched that motherfucker up by its neck and sed ‘You mangy sumbitch!’, then SNAP!!!! I broke its neck. I then built myself a fire and skinned and gutted the critter. He wuz gonna be my dinner!”
“As I went about my business I wondered how my balls had flopped outa my overalls. I knew Pukwudgie were in the area. I also knew something else bout these buggers....something I didn’t tell Mrs. Miller. These Pukwudgie are sexual deviants who will molest ya. Ya see, I thought I wuz safe till dark. But I wuz wrong. Those fuckers were already out and about. Most likely I had one or more watching me this very moment!”
“Well, I roasted the squirrel then ate it, washing it down with shine from my tactical flask that says “BIGFOOT SLAYER!” on it. I stayed real still and as motionless as possible while I ate, like I had no idea I wuz being watched. I could hear that little bastard tip-toeing around me in the woods. That ball-fondling dwarf Pukwudgie f#ggot!”
“What struck me as odd is why these little motherfuckers chose jest now to show up here. I’m out in these here wood all the time, but have not seen ‘em in a long time. Hmmmmm ...”
“Then came the speaking, the odd, indecipherable language. I laid back agin a tree and closed my eyes. Eventually the midget-speak wore down. Then it got quiet. It wuz too quiet, in fact. Then, as if someone was right up at my ear whispering forcefully, I heard ‘ROY!!’ I sprang to attention, scairt shitless. Even though I wuz expecting it, it wuz still a fucking shock.”
“I started creeping around, outside of the light of the fire. It wuz blacker than a nigg*r out in these here woods. By now it was a quarter to 8. Then I heard the voice again. It sed ‘ROY!’ It was clearly from one of them Pukwudgies. You can always tell them, as they sound like Muppets on acid. I moved toward the direction of the voice.”
“I pushed through sum heavy brush and briars, then came out into a little opening. Thar it wuz. Right in front of me wuz one of these little leprechaun motherfuckers. It wuz green and seemed to glow slightly. It wuz sneering at me, then sed ‘Come, this way, Roy’, as it motioned me toward a path into the dark woods. I figured I ought not kill it cuz I need info on Old Big Cock. Of course, that did not mean I could not cripple it.”
“I snapped up my scatter gun and fired ...BOOM!! I shot the lil puppet monster below it’s waste, completely shredding its little legs with the buck shot. I walked over and stood over it as it wuz writhing in pain. Then the craziest dang thang happened: it opened its eyes, looked up at me and started talking. Now, one may think these Pukwudgie would start casting evil spells and shit when cornered. But this one wuz different.”
“The Pukwudgie looked up at me and sed ‘Why did you blow off my legs, you sick motherfucker?’ I told the critter to watch its mouth or I would blow that off too. But the wounded Pukwudgie kept on, saying ‘I can’t even walk now, you stupid fucking hick! Couldn’t you have found a goat to fuck tonight so you would not have to be out here turning my legs into shredded wheat, you ass-eating cock-sucker?’ I wuz a little taken back by its language.”
“I then stepped on the little prick’s lame legs and put all my force on them. The Pukwudgie let out a powerful scream of pain. Then I asked it about Old Big Cock. We went round and round, with the munchkin not giving up any intel. So I settled on a course of action. BLAMMMM!!! Another blast from my scattergun and this little twat no longer had a head.”
“I looked around what wuz left of it. He had sum funny looking leprechaun clothing on. Honestly, it wuz dressed like one of them thar Canadian figure skater homos. I searched the pockets and pulled out a wad of paper. It be nuthin but trash it had picked up and stuffed into its pockets. What an asshole.”
“So thar I wuz, in the middle of the dark woods with a dismembered Pukwudgie. My only lead is dead. But afore I tossed all that wadded up paper from the critter’s pocket, sumthang caught my eye. It wuz sumthang hard and metallic. I cut my sure-fire flashlighter on. It wuz sum motherfucking dog tags, like what ever soldier is issued. I looked closely. What I dun read from those tags almost made me shit a brick. The name on the tag was ‘John Miller’. SHIT!!! These are Old Big Cock’s dog tags! That creepy little varmint jacked these dog tags from BC!!”
“Then all hell broke loose. There came a huge commotion from all around me. Several of those little Pygmy voices were chanting ‘Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy...’ I had a bad feeling about this. Then, all at once, they charged me, from all sides. Turned out thar were five of them Pukwudgies, and they were coming at me and carrying little weapons.”
“I just tore into sum hysterical laughing at the sight. They wuz just cuter than fuck!! They wuz like puppets carrying toy swords, and sticks and sech. It wuz hilarious! All five of em stopped within a couple feet of me, perplexed by my uncontrollable laughing. They jest stood around me and looking at each other. Apparently they had never seen sech a sight. Most of thar victims turn and high-tail it in terror. But I didn’t. Finally, one of the Pukwudgies spoke.”
“This real little one looked like he wuz dressed up to be a riverboat card dealer and he carried a sharpened stick. Speaking to me in a voice that sounded like Grover from Sesame Street, it sed ‘Roy, you do not run. Are you not fearful that your life may be lost?’ That just caused me to laugh ten times harder. Again, they started looking at each other. Then the one behind me and carrying a tiny pitch fork came up and jabbed me in the ass with it. Then it demanded to know why I wuz laughing.”
“I finally got my laughing under control and got quiet and caught my breath. I then turned around to look at the little pecker that just stabbed me in my ass. It wuz dressed up like a little wizard, with sequins and a purple robe, like it had jest escaped from a gay pride parade. I lost it, and started laughing uncontrollably again. They wuz all dressed up like they were going to a gay disco on Halloween night.”
“They managed to get my long guns as I wuz writhing in laughter. Then they told me to get to my feet cuz they wuz taking me back to thar lair as their prisoner. As they marched me toward their lair I wuz still cackling up a storm. This wuz the funniest situation that I been in since I accidentally blew up the Vietnam Special Olympics thinking it wuz sum kind of weird military exercise.
“The Pukwudgie lair was underground. I had to get on my belly and crawl into a cave. Then I had to stay on my belly and crawl downward a bit. We came to an oppening with a fire burning on the floor. At least in this larger chamber I could stand up, even though I had to stay bent over.”
“Of course, I could have gotten free and slaughtered those little pricks at any time. But my task wuz to find old Big Cock. So I let them take me prisoner. It wuz pretty easy to, cuz I plum went into hysterics when I got a look at these little dwarf things and their very gay clothes and heard their cartoony sounding voices.”
“Then I spied a big pot hanging over the fire. They wuz cooking a stew of some sort, and it smelled all gamey and gross. I took their spoon and started stirring it, which really pissed off the critters. This one started kicking my ankle with the pointing-end of his costume looking shoe. I kicked that sumbitch and it landed against the wall. That got them rip-roaring mad. Jest then I got the fright of my life. As I stirred the gross looking stew, a human head floated up in the pot. IT WUZ BIG COCK’s HEADS!! Then I noticed Big Cock’s large wang floating in the pot.”
“Poor old Big Cock! He did not deserve to die like this... Murdered and eaten by maniacal muppets. The critters surrounded me and told me to get away from the cooking pot. I sed ‘You little fuck-tards kilt my friend. Now you is gonna have to pay. So I reached into my ass and pulled out my .480 revolver. The Pukwudgies stepped back at the sight of my large weapon. Then all hell broke loose. ‘BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!!!’ I dropped all 5 of those motherfuckers, right thar in the lair. These little twats have been known to work sum black magic fuckery, so I took my Ka-Bar and cut the heads off all five of them.”
“I found me an old burlap bag then fished Big Cock’s remains out of the stew and put ‘em in the bag. There wuz the head, both hands, and his hawg. I tied up the bag. Right before I left I thought ‘what the fuck?’, and spooned out sum of that stew and tasted it. Surprisingly, it weren’t bad. I found me an old styrofoam container one of these lil rascals must have found and brought home. I used it to hold some that stew I thought I would bring home fer dinner. So with the bag carrying Big Cock’s remains, and my take-out stew, I crawled outa thar.”
“I went back to my cabin first so I could put my stew on ice fer later. Then I departed. I had to be the bearer of bad news to Mrs. Miller. It wuz about 1:30 am, I reckon, when I knocked on her door. Mrs Miller opened the door in her night robe. Brutha, the front of that robe showed off them titties right fine! I could even make out the nipples through the fabric. I sed, ‘Honey, I dun found yer man. Then I set that burlap bag on her floor. I handed her BC’s dog tags. Then I pointed to the bag of body parts and sed ‘What’s left of him is in here. You want to take a look, or you wanna jest save it fer a proper funeral?’
“At this here point, Mrs. Miller broke down cryin. About that time I heard old Sheriff call out ‘Honey? You coming back to bed?’ Then that fat, sloppy sumbitch came walking down the stairs wearing nothing but his drawers and patrol hat. He saw me and sed ‘Oh, hi, Roy.’”
“I wuz speechless. I sed, ‘What the fuck is you doing? You fucking BC’s bitch?’ He stammered about and sed ‘Well, Roy, she is hurtin and I jest tried to comfort her, then one thang led to another.’ “
“Mrs. Miller had then composed herself and walked over. She apologized for falling apart like that. The she hugged me, saying thank you for finding out what happened to John and for bringing his remains home so she can have a service and grieve properly. I told her I wuz sorry fer her loss.”
“Then I sed, ‘You know what you need, Mrs. Miller?’ She looked puzzled. I sed ‘You need a good fucking slapped on yer ass. That fat-fuck Sheriff couldn’t make a dog come to dinner. Why don’t ya let old Roy, The “Pope of Joy”, take you upstairs and DESTROY your pussy? We’ll make Sheriff just sit there and watch, like in a cuck video.”
“So the three of us went upstairs. I tied up Sheriff to a chair and he had to sit there and watch me bang his new girlfriend the rest of the night! He even cried a little. Ha ha ha ha!!!!”
“The next morning I woke up lying next to Old Mrs. Miller. Sheriff wuz still tied up at bedside, but he wuz sleeping. His head wuz down and he wuz snoring. I wuz still a bit shook up by Big Cock’s death. Mrs. Miller wuz sleeping soundly, which wuz to be expected after I put a pounding on that pussy.”
“I sed out loud, ‘Old Big Cock, wharever you is right now, I hope ya know I is sorry fer how this turned out, buddy. But, as tribute to you and all the fun we used to have back in Nam, please accept this gesture as a token of our friendship.’ Then I reached fer my Ruger .480.”
“At the sound of the report from the pistol, Old Sheriff, still tied up, fell over in the chair, landing hard on the floor with a THUD. I then sed ‘Well, Mrs. Miller, you fucked me good. So now I returned the favor. You are FUCKED!’ Indeed, her brains were splattered all over the wall.”
“I untied old Sheriff and told him that he wuz going to have the distinct pleasure and privilege of buying me breakfast at the Waffle House this morning. He asked why I executed Mrs. Miller. I sed I wuz jest settin Big Cock free.”

Part 1 here: https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1biqrzf/incremental_improvement_part_1/
Fuck. By about midweek, everything was going nuts. I was suddenly faced with groups protesting pretty much everything I was doing. It was one thing when my plan was absurd to contemplate, but having actually achieved the end of the first phase, getting everyone into the little settlements, it seems the collective populace finally realized this thing was real, and every group with an axe to grind was coming out of the woodwork. Depending on who you asked, I was either to the left of Lenin, or the right of the KKK. So somehow, I was now both creating a communist nation and reversing every progressive thing that has ever existed, just depending on who was the one yelling.
Some of these were expected, of course. The larger apartment complex corporations hated me with the passion of a thousand burning suns, but yeah, that made sense. I was operating against their interests, reeking havoc on their potential profit margins with my mall plans, and now the rest of the malls throughout Oregon, and across the river in Vancouver were starting to follow suit, if a bit slower than I was going. I was endangering their marketshare, so of course they were pissed, but oddly enough, they were almost civil about the thing, they just wanted me to stop making changes. It was business.
What I did not expect was the attacks from sections of the non-profit sector. "Unhoused Individual" Advocacy groups were enraged that I was treating homelessness like it was something negative. Like... yeah? It is a horrible thing. Camping was fun, it was amazing, but that's a choice. Forcing people to live in the wild is just wrong, and needs to be stopped.
Disability advocates were pissed that I was treating disabilities like something that needed to be fixed... The fuck?! Like, if we can get people the ability to see again so they can survive off of assistance, why the hell wouldn't I do that?!
Environmental activists were screaming about the environmental impact on dead towns that were just rotting, as well as pretty much every bit of industry I was building.
My defenders were no better, either. They were absolutely seething now, a sort of roiling rage that the things I'd done could've been done years if not decades ago, and everyone in a position of leadership had just sat on their hands. The fight was everywhere, protests, counterprotests, every even vaguely political YouTube or Twitch channel, the news, morning talk shows. California cities were trying to see about the feasibility of enacting my plan in their own state, as were New York and Massachussets, but they seemed to be doing almost to stave off their own citizens.
Meanwhile, I now had other states calling me. Why? Oh, you know, cause the less populated states wanted to see if I could send them some of my rehabilitated homeless people, but in a way that made it sound like they were at a cattle auction. Has everyone lost their god damned minds?
I was sitting in my office with the phone off the hook, and my smartphone and computers off when Nick walked in. The grin on that bastard's face, it was like it was already Christmas and his birthday all at once, "Man it's getting fun out there!"
I didn't even respond, I just sort of shook my head slightly, and glared at him. He waved it off, and slung himself into a seat, "Come on, we're freakin' everywhere, now. You can't buy this kind of publicity. When're we going on the attack?"
"Are you out of your fucking mind?!"
Nick shrugged, "Are you kidding me? All these groups? They're coming after you because you're endangering them."
He's a madman, "How is that good?!"
He popped up out of his seat, nervous energy coursing through him. He was positively giddy as he talked, "You don't get it. Fine, if there aren't any homeless, there aren't any fundraisers for homeless groups, there aren't any local, state, or federal grants coming in, money they didn't have to really answer for with any proof of ability, and we get to finally barbeque the bastards."
I snapped my fingers to get his attention, "The fuck are you talking about?"
Nick rolled his eyes, "Come on, a ton of these guys have been screwing the whole system for years. They do just enough to be able to look good, but they just soak up all the money for themselves."
I'm an idiot. Of course there were 'aid' groups that were in fact profiting themselves on the misery. I even knew the term 'virtue signaling'. Throw up a bunch of tragedy porn, make your "non-profit", but then essentially balloon the expenses by attaching high end salaries, and/or extensive admin that would pad out the expenses, and do just enough to demonstrate effort, but not enough to relieve the actual problem. Now I had a target. I hadn't considered it, I'd just assumed that anyone working with homeless people were earnestly trying to get the work done, even if they could be dippy about it.
Those things needed to go, and go now. I thanked Nick, excused him, and booted up my computer, reaching out and ignoring the myriad of notifications that were popping up. I'd need to get myself up to speed quickly, figure out who was on the take, and get that information out with receipts. Just making the accusation wasn't enough. I put in reports for the H.A.A., letting them know that I was investigating groups that were bad actors, trying to stretch out the emergency, under my authority as the chosen Hero for this crisis.
In my head, I thought it would be harder to find. I had this whole idea that these people were incredibly clever, eluding the government for years, and searched through systems for whatever tiny scraps I could find to no avail. I was wrong. Even if they'd started clever, continuous success had made them pretty damn lazy about the thing. I found multiple groups that had emails from their governing boards discussing the payments, funding, how much they were making, and even pulling funds from projects to pay out bonuses to themselves. It was their work emails, not even hidden by a fig leaf of private emails. They even had tax shelters for the funds, no-bid contracts with giant conflicts of interest that made them money on the back end. I got the receipts, and released the information to not only the cops, but the H.A.A. and news organizations at the same time so everyone was working off the same evidence chain, with instructions to each to confirm the findings, while not actually informing them of the others investigating. When it came down to it, it worked better if it was the offices bringing the hammer down.
The environmental groups were a bit easier to deal with. They were worried about forests, and where we were getting our power from, so I just showed them video of Bloom rapid growthing enough trees, foliage and what not to put back twice what we'd had to fell. As well, I showed them the various solar and wind arrays we were using. It's the Cascades and the Rockies, we were never going to have an issue of a lack of wind. We'd had to expand water access, but with Rocklanche, that was able to be done with a minimum of disturbance. Find the well, have Rockalanche get the access to it, and Bam! Done, then fix the area back up between him and Bloom.
I really didn't have the time for dealing with the disability advocates, cause... yeah, they're just nuts. I'm not sure where to go with that one. If you are advocating for leaving who could be legitimately helped to suffer, I really have no way to argue against that, cause the premise is incredibly flawed from the outset.
I was just getting off of that nonsense, when the other shoe dropped. I'd sent up the tax incentives for vote in Oregon, and a bunch of people were pissed off. I got that one, because they saw it as just handing money to the rich, but I needed the measure to pass to move forward, so best to nip this in the bud. I called a press conference ahead of the vote to get as many people on board as I could. It wasn't a huge affair, and we held it at a park to accommodate the press. I stepped up to the mic to a bunch of questions being asked and got to work, "Thank you all for taking the time today to be here. I'll answer questions at the end, but there's an important point to get to first. Upcoming, we have a vote in the legislature on a series of tax incentives, and there are a number of people protesting the measure. To them I want to say: I understand your anger, really I do.
"It's easy to see it as just giving money to the rich, but it isn't. It's a trade, to give businesses the motivation to do what we need them to do, which is to get the Portland rental markets under control so everyone, regardless of stripe, can have better day-to-day lives. I've been accused of a lot lately, and to address this, my political affiliation is to the Get Shit Done Party. For too long, we've gotten mired down in this tribalistic mentality where we otherize everyone who doesn't agree with our vision. That isn't reality. With rare exception, everyone views homelessness as a terrible thing, the argument is over the remedy, and if I keep waiting for a perfect solution, nothing gets done.
"This position isn't apathy. I care, I just don't care about political parties. My focus is the same as it has always been, to cure homelessness, and to get there, we have to drop the conflicts that we've grown so accustomed to. The eternal war we keep fighting between binary choices leaves us with less than nothing. It batters everyone, and with this legislation, I'm aiming to start aligning everyone's self-interest, to make it so that doing the right thing and doing the profitable thing at least vaguely line up. We need to look past old animosities, and to a brighter future for everyone. Questions?"
Reporters nearly came out of the their seats trying to get a hand up. I acknowledged my first one, a local Portland reporter, "Abigail Lincoln, KOIN News. All of this is resting on the shoulders of a fourteen year old, and a lot of people question the decision to leave this in your hands. What response do you have for these people?"
I gave a moment's consideration before answering, "Yeah, they're right, leaving this in the hands of a normal fourteen year old would be insane, but I'm not normal. I haven't been since my power was awakened. I don't have the option to ignore what's going on, my power won't allow for that. I see the camps around the city, and I know. Leaving these people to fend for themselves would be a choice, because I know what I can do, that I can change that fate, and to my own belief, that leaves me with a moral imperative to intervene, same as when a superhero stops a mugging. Next question."
This time from one of the larger newsgroups, the question was about oversight, and that was a decent question, "For the time being, our main focus has been on transparency. That's why we've got local news reporters coming out to the towns, to report, conduct interviews and such. We have streams and videos online that capture the day-to-day of the project. We're being as open as we can without violating HIPAA. As to oversight, everything I've done, everything I'm working on is going to be gone over by a special congressional committee in a couple of months, so y'know, totally looking forward to that."
The crowd chuckled a bit, which was a good sign. Another reporter stood up, "So what happens now that the homeless aren't really homeless anymore?"
"Well, we alter things here in Portland so that the problem doesn't crop up again. It sounds simple, but a lot of it is more boring stuff, like this new piece of legislation. This involves improving the job market, such as our focus on building up local businesses, and trying to straighten out local regulations that are slowing that process down. Another is the construction of more housing, more apartments, to open up the market to more people. There are other sections, but I'm holding off on those until such time as they become relevant, rather than throwing way too much out there, and everyone having to get massive information dumps in one go."
I continued answering questions until I got the nod from John. He was waiting in the wings, and it was the nod that signaled we were ready to enact Phase Two. I excused myself, and headed off, retrieving Reaver from Princess. I'd been practicing with my abilities, but I needed the surety of them for the next section, and things teleportation were going to be extremely relevant. With access to Technopathy, we'd charted a vast range of criminals who were dragging down Portland. Dealers, thugs, traffickers and more that had been located. We'd held off for a time, but that time was up now.
John and myself headed over to the H.A.A., where he had equipment for me. We went through the facility to a section I hadn't really used before: The Armory, and we weren't alone there. My force of heroes, including The Road Crew and my teams of pyshics and others were there, now in costume. The time was here, but John had a smile on his face, "Alright, we're almost ready to go, but there's an important aspect of this life that you have yet to fully embrace, Marcus, and that time has come. It's time for Aegis to take the field, and how better than with your first super suit."

Hello, we are a gifting service that provides a cheap way to get hextech loot or anything else that you would usually buy with RP. Our main service is gifting but we also provide coaching for all lanes and all skill bracket so in case any of that interests you check out our discord server where you can find our prices and costumer reviews. https://discord.gg/mFqUHcwj5n Hope to see you soon

Hey all, I’m a film student in desperate need of an Elvis costume and was wondering where to get one. Obviously there’s Amazon, but if I could get one in person that’d be fantastic!
Thank you :)

Which ever product i try to buy whether it's a phone or a console...most vendors open it up and make a video about it, like yeah i get it u wanna show it off to attract the costumers n all but make that piece for display onlyy, i don't want ur sticky fingers all over the product i'm gonna use!

I tried to reach out google support, and as i was expecting, they ask me to pay for a "repair". The phone has 2 months, never dropped it, never had battery issues and never let any drop of water touch it.
A thin papper can goes easly between the backglass and the aluminium side, plus some dusk already have gone inside.
I never did care so much for a phone, and it's crazy that they ask me to pay for a fix. Funny side note, they give me a 20% discount code.
Does anyone has any advice to "how to escalate" my problem?
I had a pixel 6, a 5 a 3a and a 4. I had problems only with my 3a before, but i don't think i'll evel buy a google product if they can't even manage to have a "decent" costumer support or hardware in line with the price of their products.
Pic: https://tinypic.host/image/1000007917.DrAAGZ

I tried to reach out google support, and as i was expecting, they ask me to pay for a "repair". The phone has 2 months, never dropped it, never had battery issues and never let any drop of water touch it.
A thin papper can goes easly between the backglass and the aluminium side, plus some dusk already have gone inside.
I never did care so much for a phone, and it's crazy that they ask me to pay for a fix. Funny side note, they give me a 20% discount code.
​
Does anyone has any advice to "how to escalate" my problem?
I had a pixel 6, a 5 a 3a and a 4. I had problems only with my 3a before, but i don't think i'll evel buy a google product if they can't even manage to have a "decent" costumer support or hardware in line with the price of their products.
Pic: https://tinypic.host/image/1000007917.DrAAGZ

Ahoy! This post is created specifically for discussions of update. Some other useful links to follow:
For bug reports please comment on 3.0.0 Update Bug Reports Megathread
Previous 2.10.3 Discussions Megathread
Safes Seas FAQ
Sea of Thieves 2024 Preview Event
Sea of Thieves Season 12: Official Content Update Video
Official Release Notes

Launch on PlayStation®5

A new era begins! Read through this recap from the previous release notes to find out how to get set up, get into a crew and get the best performance from Sea of Thieves on PlayStation®5, or scroll on to find out what’s new for all players with the arrival of Season 12...

Microsoft Account Linking

• All players will need to sign in with a Microsoft account to play Sea of Thieves. When launching the game, players will be guided through the account linking process.
  
• Be warned, account linking is a permanent decision, as players are only able to associate a single Microsoft account with a single account for PlayStation™Network. Only use the Microsoft account on which you intend to carry over your progress to launch!
  
• Experienced players from other platforms who joined during the PlayStation®5 Closed Beta will have their pirate and all associated progress seamlessly transferred and accessible for play. Be sure to use the correct Microsoft account, as the two accounts chosen to be associated cannot be changed later.
  

Player Names and Online IDs

• Once a Microsoft account is linked for Sea of Thieves play, all players will be displayed using their Microsoft account gamertag.
  
• Players on PlayStation®5 can utilise the Recent Players List feature, located within the Game Options menu, to view the Microsoft account and linked online IDs of players on PlayStation™Network they encounter, as well as directly viewing their profile.
  

Inviting Friends into a Crew

• When setting up a crew, players can use the PlayStation®5 Game Base to invite existing PlayStation friends using ‘Invite to Game’.
  
• Players are also able to use the new in-game friends list, which consolidates friends from the linked Microsoft account and the account for PlayStation™Network into a single location for seamless crew management.
  

Cross-Platform Play

• Cross-platform play is enabled by default, ensuring that all new players joining High Seas will find their home on the waves with other players from all walks of life. Players on PlayStation®5, however, can choose to disable crossplay from Matchmaking Settings and only matchmake with others on PlayStation™Network.

Performance on PlayStation®5

• Sea of Thieves on PlayStation®5 is optimised to run at 60 FPS in 4K resolution, ensuring complete parity with Xbox Series X players.
  
• Players can access an additional Performance Mode from the game settings for supported TVs, allowing for 120Hz refresh rates at 1080p resolution.
  

HDR Setup on PlayStation®5

• New players on PlayStation®5 using a HDR-supported screen should perform HDR calibration when playing for the first time. Navigate to ‘HDR Calibration’ in Game Settings to configure your experience.

DualSense™ Wireless Controller Support

• Hungry for haptic feedback? The DualSense™ wireless controller enhances the experience of movement and interactions with the world.
  
• Adaptive triggers leveraging unique qualities of the controller heighten the gunplay experience, allowing players to feel every bullet they fire.
  
• When a headset isn’t connected, the controller’s built-in microphone will serve as the default device for communication, granting all players access to in-game voice chat.
  

Voice Chat Notifications

• When using in-game voice chat with crewmates or other players you meet in the world, the name of the broadcasting players will be shown within the HUD in a new indicator.

Player Moderation

• Players now have access to the Player Blocking tool in the game’s settings. This allows a player to be blocked, resulting in them being restricted from communicating with you using in-game voice chat.
  
• The Player Blocking tool also allows for easy management of your Blocked Players list.
  

The War Chest

New weapons waiting to be mastered and tools to take your tactics to the next level! Try your luck with fresh loadouts and feel the rush while riding the ziplines. To learn more about this new Season’s headline features, head over to our dedicated Season 12 page.

Throwing Knives

• These new weapons in the pirate armoury come as a set of five, which are wielded one at a time when equipped and can be restocked from any Ammo Chest.
  
• Wielding a throwing knife allows players to stab enemies with a quick melee attack or charge for a devastating downward strike.
  
• Throwing a knife allows for a high-damage ranged attack. If a thrown knife misses its target, it becomes lodged in the environment and can be recovered to replenish stock. But be aware that another player can also retrieve your knife and use it against you!
  

Double Barrel Pistol

• This new fast-firing weapon holds six bullets and can be fired twice before needing to be reloaded, or both barrels can be fired together by charging the shot.
  
• Shots fired from the Double Barrel Pistol have reduced range and damage compared to the standard pistol, but compensate with a faster firing speed.
  

Scattershot

• This new type of cannonball can be found in storage barrels across the seas, providing players with an effective short-range option for devastating enemy ships in combat.
  
• Scattershot breaks apart when fired, sending four smaller projectiles in an outward spread. These have a lower trajectory than standard cannonballs, making scattershot a shorter-range option.
  
• Each projectile deals light damage to the impact area, increasing if existing damage areas are hit repeatedly. Ship interaction points such as the wheel, mast and capstan can also be damaged by the blast, and players caught in the spread will receive light damage without knockback.
  

Bone Caller

• This mystical throwable item possesses the power to summon a loyal skeleton crew who will attack nearby enemies. After a time, these skeletons will expire in a cloud of bones.
  
• Bone Callers can also be fired from a cannon, giving players the ability to send a targeted package of disruption to rival ships at sea.
  
• Bone Callers can be recovered from crates left behind by defeated Skeleton Fleets, or found in barrels at Skeleton Forts.
  

Horn of Fair Winds

• This Siren shell is a treasure artefact that harnesses the power of the wind, and is discoverable in shipwrecks and other locations throughout the Sunken Kingdom.
  
• Crews can use it to get ahead by filling their sails to full billow, giving a boost to a Rowboat or propelling themselves through the water.
  
• Players can also harness the Horn’s powerful effects to knock back enemies, cushion a potentially fatal fall or even extinguish a blazing ship.
  

Harpoon Tightropes

• Players firing a harpoon line into a rock, beach, tree or even another ship can now climb onto the line and perform a tightrope walk, maintaining their balance as they go.
  
• Stepping onto a steeply descending harpoon line will allow players to slide effortlessly, even with treasure on their back!
  

Island Ziplines

• Navigation has been further improved with the addition of ziplines to a range of islands across the Sea of Thieves. Seek out these permanent new structures to experiment with speedier traversal!

Updated Weapon Pose Emotes

• With the introduction of the Double Barrel Pistol and throwing knives, previously released Weapon Pose Emotes have been updated to support the new weapon types.

Season 12

Another Season means 100 new Renown levels to climb and rewards to snag – and an optional Plunder Pass adding even more! Read on for more on this plus details of other improvements landing with this Season’s launch, on top of those already applied in last week’s update...

Season 12 Rewards and Plunder Pass

• Progressing through the 100 levels of Renown in Season 12 will reward players with Famous Pirate and Famed Buccaneer cosmetics alongside other time-limited Seasonal specials. Head to the Seasons profile page to browse the new rewards and check your pirate’s progress!
  
• Pick up the latest Plunder Pass to gain access to a plethora of additional unlockable cosmetics from the Gorgon set, including a full ship set and two-stage Stone Curse, all available to earn by raising Renown. Purchase a Pass in-game through the Pirate Log or Pirate Emporium, or via the Pirate Emporium webpage, Microsoft Store, PlayStation™Store or Steam Item Store.
  

Season 12 Emissary Ledger Rewards

• This Season, the Guild Emissary Ledgers offer the Ocean of Siren Song Painting, Mysterious Siren Carving Ornament and Guild of Fearsome Depths Title to Guilds who represent them well and perform proudly in the Ledgers.
  
• While Emissary Ledgers will continue to refresh each month and celebrate our most prolific pirates, the delivery of fresh cosmetics into the Ledgers’ topmost tiers is paused from this Season onwards. For the vast majority of players though, the Ledgers still hold a treasure trove of locked rewards ready to earn by competing against other Emissaries. Log in and track your performance on the Emissary Ledgers page!
  

Pirate Emporium

Show off your personal style with purchases from the Pirate Emporium! Pick up exclusive cosmetics such as ship liveries, costumes, weapons, pets and emotes using your Ancient Coins, purchasable with real money. Head to the Pirate Emporium page to browse and buy the latest additions!

New Items – Now in Stock!

• Checkmate Ship Collection
  
• Checkmate Weapon Bundle
  
• Checkmate Clothing Bundle
  
• Checkmate Ship’s Crest
  
• Crimson Crypt, Lodestar and Dark Warsmith Throwing Knives
  
• Great Grey, Tawny, Snowy, Barn and Black Banded Owl pets
  
• Scrappy Weapon Pose Emote
  
• Sting Tide Ship Collection (returning from Season Nine Plunder Pass)
  
• Sting Tide Costume Set (returning from Season Nine Plunder Pass)
  
• Sting Tide Lantern
  
• Paradise Garden Pistol (free!)
  

Additions to the Classics Range

• The Classics range has been expanded to include a range of costumes, weapons and equipment from older sets, now permanently reduced in price.
  
• Cosmetic sets such as Shining Pegasus, Ruby Splashtail and Sea of Sands are among those that now have more than just ship liveries represented in the Classics range.
  

Events

PlayStation®5 Launch Celebration

• To celebrate the official launch of Sea of Thieves on PlayStation®5, all pirates who log in during Season 12 on any platform will receive a commemorative gift in the form of the New Dawn Sails.

Fixed Issues

Gameplay

• Open Crew matchmaking has been re-enabled as an option when starting a Sea of Thieves session, allowing players to form a crew with other random players from all platforms.
  
• Players are no longer able to use a Quest Map while travelling through the air to modify their trajectory.
  

User Interface

• After a lobby is filled with players from different platforms, the platform icons shown next to players upon setting sail should no longer display a default image.

Known Issues

Full Guild Access Temporarily Disabled

• Due to a recently discovered issue, Guild Members are not currently presented with the full suite of ships pledged to their active Guilds. Guild Members will be shown any ships they have pledged, but no other ships or active sessions from others within the Guild.

Download Size:
Xbox Series X: 2.49 GB
Xbox Series S: 29.2 GB
Xbox One X: 2.49 GB
Xbox One: 29.2 GB
Microsoft Store: 2.4 GB
Steam: 1.09 GB
PlayStation®5: 76.97 GB (update only: 0.5 GB)

i've seen some really great commentary on the fortnight MV already, particularly about the scene over Post's verse. following immersing myself in the two taylors/theylo"he" as queer Taylor discussion, i decided to revisit the MV. first of all, IT IS SO GOOD THROUGH THIS LENS HOLY SHIT. it makes the institutionalization she references feel much more authentic and less weird.
something i've noticed on all my watches, which i feel supports the theory that Post's character is Taylor's inner self, is that the scene where they're holding each other doesn't give me a romantic vibe — though it actually does remind me of some of her photoshoots with beards lmao. but being serious, though Taylor isn't always the best actress in films, i do think she brings her own music videos to life very well. looking at her facial expressions and body language, i don't get "love interest" from her interactions with Post (though i can't say the same about him. i noticed Post's character seems to embody desire and devotion for Taylor's in a way that, tbh, feels butch/femme coded to me personally).
this leads me to the phonebooth!!!! i've already seen people say that the phonebooth featured in the final scene in the Fortnight MV feels like a callback to the willow MV and is an obvious glass closeting reference. what i found really interesting about this scene is the way that Taylor is sitting on top of the phonebooth ... in a lightning storm ... in a metal dress. maybe it's growing up in an areas that got a lot of storms, but my first reaction was to feel like this had to be meaningful because of how dangerous doing that literally would be, and therefore how noticeable it is, especially given that she's the tallest/highest object in the scene.
particularly given all the commentary currently circulating about the two Taylors, to me this feels like a very clear framing of popstar Taylowendy Taylostraight Taylor as a literal lightning rod for queer Taylor. she concentrates and focuses all of the attention and energy of the world onto herself and away from what she's trying to protect. it's dangerous, painful, and self-sacrificing, but it allows private/petequeer Taylor to exist in relative peace... albeit at the heavy price of splitting herself in two.
other notable things from the MV that support this theory for me are:

• Taylor wearing a version of her grammy's outfit in the asylum scene.... but with naked, plucked-looking gauze sleeves instead of the black glove-wings of the albatross (HUGE SHOUTOUT to whoever made the catch that her grammy's outfit was an albatross costume, i saw it earlier tonight and am obsessed). again this tells me that the public/straight taylor persona acts as both a protection and a prison for her true self.
• Taylor is wearing the romeo shirt (!!!) and has curly hair in the electro-shock scene. as many have been saying, it seems like Fearless/Speak Now are referenced a lot on TTPD. it makes me think about how likely this would have been the age when she was really coming to terms with what it would mean to be queer and try to be in the public eye.
• lastly, Post's character saves Taylor from being electrocuted, and it's implied, killed by electroshock "therapy." she pays this act back in kind by protecting him at all costs... FROM THE SAME WEAPON, electricity, or power. except now they're out in the wider world, where she has no control over anything but herself. so, she puts her whole body on the line and uses her outward presentation to protect him (her true self). i'm curious about there being a potentially implied narrative that Post's character is on the run (and hiding out in Florida!!!) as the direct result of helping Taylor escape the asylum.

i didn't start out writing this post feeling focused as on the lightning as i did on Taylor as the lightning rod, but rewatching the MV and writing this has made me feel ENORMOUSLY curious about lightning/electricity as a metaphor for personal/interpersonal power in her work, and what she could be doing with that now. off the top of my head, significant lightning references for Taylor are the Style MV, This Is What You Came FoBleachella, the opening credits of the LWYMMD MV, glass closet Taylor harnessing the power of electricity in the Ready For It MV, and Dress ("if I get burned at least we were electrified"). Gorgeous also gets an honorable mention given that magnetism and electricity are linked.
when i think about power in Taylor's current universe, i think about the double-edged relationship she must have with her current status as the most powerful artist in the world. what must it feel like to hold that? it would surprise me greatly if she didn't feel enormous inner conflict at times, particularly on the subject of queerness, advocacy, and coming out. there's also the fact that, in many ways, there has been a power struggle between not only Taylor's authentic and performed selves, but also herself and her audience, particularly in the form of the media.
i think it's very significant to this theme that the Fortnight MV ends with asylum Taylor breaking the glass of her enclosure // Post stepping out of a glass box and clasping hands with lightning rod Taylor, under the lyrics "buy the car you want, but it won't start up til i touch you" — yet another direct reference to POWER, this time with the implication that uniting these two selves is the source.
i truly cannot wait to see what she does next ⚡️

Hello, brothers, I am considering buying Crown's gacha costume, but I also want her burst animation (wearing this costume) for the lobby. Do you immediately unlock it when you get the costume even if my Crown is not MLB or you need to MLB her in order to get it (just like her regular burst animation)?

I don't think it's right to nerf the things we buy. In other words, if super credits are used to open the warbond, then don't reduce the capabilities of the weapons purchased within. I do mean purchased as you are spending time to pick up the medals. You can increase the usability from original and/or buff the damage and then adjust that value. However, it's not right to reduce the base values, making the weapons less effective. Some of us bought the super credits as a way of expressing gratitude to a job well done. Not to mention the understanding that you'll be buying a slightly better or more useful product. It feels wrong to reduce the value of that purchase after the fact.
The game is already friendly enough towards consumers by allowing you to grind to get enough super credit, but it still reduces the value of the time spent to do so.
This makes it to where we can not rely on our kits or load out knowledge from one week to the next. In that, my kit varies on mission to mission, knowing the usefulness of certain weapons only to have to retest and adopt new playstyles only to change them again the following week or 2. Please note I play with a wide variety of weapons.
I understand that some believe this is part of the game however after careful consideration of the marketing strategy it is in my opinion that this will serve only to reduce the value of the game as a whole thus causing less activity from existing costumers. In this way, we, the player base, see only that our time and money have a reduction in value over a weekly period.