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2013.08.12 07:03 Breaking Mom - chocolate & whine

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2024.05.22 02:43 ar_david_hh CIA and Soros: Armenia on May/21/2024

16-minute read.

pro-West party leader says they met PM Pashinyan and discussed a referendum to solidify Armenia's shift to EU

KHZMALYAN (European Party of Armenia): The referendum is our suggestion and demand. We presented it to Pashinyan and expect a response within a reasonable timeframe. We advised making a public statement soon. A referendum would also make Pashinyan's job easier by allowing the people's will to decide Armenia's direction.
REPORTER: How did Pashinyan respond?
KHZMALYAN: He suggested the meeting be held in a closed format so I can't reveal all details. We hope that our voice, our offer, our demand, was heard. If we do not receive a positive response, we will take measures by employing the same methods currently used by anti-European forces [the ongoing protests led by pro-Russian ex-regime]. We will take to the streets and demand a referendum for Eurointegration if necessary.
REPORTER: How long are you ready to wait before taking action?
KHZMALYAN: A few months. Georgia will hold parliamentary elections in October, and Moldova will hold a similar Eurointegration referendum - also in October. The U.S. will hold presidential elections in November which will be important for Armenia's future. Even if the worst scenario unfolds in all three countries, Armenia must stand firm and not take a step back. Armenia could become the leader in democracy in all of Eastern Europe if you consider the situation in Georgia, Hungary, and Slovakia [pro-Russia populist leader]. Armenia could receive an unprecedented level of assistance from Europe under those circumstances.
REPORTER: Did Pashinyan say he plans to leave CSTO?
KHZMALYAN: We did not demand specific dates but we urged him to complete all these processes this year, preferably by November.
REPORTER: Did Pashinyan agree?
KHZMALYAN: The participants of the meeting are under the impression that we were able to present convincing arguments but time will show what actions he takes. The government functions very poorly but nevertheless, they are doing something, they are taking steps.
REPORTER: On May 9, Bagrat Galstanyan gave Pashinyan 1 hour to resign but it's May 21 and he is still here. Why wasn't the opposition able to remove him?
KHZMALYAN: The 3 former presidents and their surrogate forces, backed by 30 years of power, were unable to bring forward a figurehead, a single ideology, that could win the hearts of the people. They used various political technologies, they switched between black and white robes, and they extended the 1 hour to 7 days, but none of that helped because the Armenian people hate them more than they hate Nikol Pashinyan.
REPORTER: You used to be a lot harsher on Pashinyan but something appears to have changed in your tone after your recent meeting with him. What is the reason?
KHZMALYAN: We were able to present our demands and the timelines to accomplish them. Unlike the archbishop and the former regimes surrounding him, we did not give "one hour" for Pashinyan to accept our demands; we did not make ultimatums. We believe the current government is carrying out and will carry out the will of the people to overcome the status of a Russian colony and join the ranks of free nations. We did and do see steps [taken by the government] towards this; we cannot ignore this. We saw the Strassbourg, but also Moscow. We saw the [April 5 meeting in] Brussels, but also [the recent meeting between FMs in] Almaty. We are told this is an attempt to "balance" and we understand where they are coming from, but our factions speak on behalf of over 60% of Armenians who view Russia's policies as deadly for Armenia. We expect concrete actions and we have formed a platform to continue this work; there will be petitions and other actions from us. We are ready to assist Pashinyan, who may be constrained due to ongoing negotiations, by being the public voice and saying the things he cannot say. We will continue to work, to pressure, to influence, to demand. Our meetings also continue abroad. We will press on until we reach our goal - the Eurointegration of Armenia. //
Several prominent Western-oriented political parties recently formed an alliance to promote Armenia's Eurointegration.
video,

Pashinyan appoints a ruling party member as a deputy head of the newly formed Foreign Intelligence Service - the Armenian "CIA"

After the 2020 war, Pashinyan said Armenia will need a modern intel agency to gather information and analyze foreign threats, while the NSS -- described as historically a "pro-Russian" agency by many -- will focus on internal matters.
source,

Pashinyan met the deputy head of the United States CIA to discuss bilateral, international, and regional issues

A delegation led by David Cohen is in Yerevan. Cohen also met NatSec Armen Grigoryan.
source, source,

Armenia's Investigative Committee chief hosted U.S. Deputy Assistant Secretary in the Bureau of International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs

Qyaramyan and Yoder discussed bilateral cooperation, the recent retraining for Armenian agents and technical assistance, cooperation between law enforcement agencies of Armenia and the United States, anti-narcotrafficking, and the fight against gender-based violence.
Yoder also met Armenia's Interior Minister Ghazaryan to discuss the ongoing police reforms and formation of new divisions, the fight against narco-trafficking, technical assistance for rescuers, and retraining courses. Yoder emphasized effective cooperation, noting that the achievements within the framework of sectorial reforms are exceptional. The US wants to expand the agenda of cooperation.
source, source,

Armenian army officers continue to take part in NATO exercises titled Regex 2024 held in Moldova

GOOGLE TRANSLATE: The exercise is organized with the support of the NATO Joint Forces Command in Naples, Italy, and aims to train the military according to Western standards for planning and conducting exercises, crisis management, strengthening and assessing the level of interoperability of forces in a multinational environment.
We remind you that the exercise "Regex 2024" consists of several workshops during the current year. The first workshop took place between February 16 and March 1, and the second between 22 − April 26, 2024. //
source, source,

NATO and Armenia strengthen cooperation in defense education

Armenia's defense ministry representatives recently visited NATO headquarters to discuss NATO’s Defence Education Enhancement Programme (DEEP) for Armenia.
NATO: The DEEP programme is an excellent tool to support Armenian military education system reforms and strengthen the country’s cooperation with NATO.
ARMENIA: With the support of DEEP experts we implemented major changes in all levels of our educational curriculum at Military Academy, starting from cadets up to the most senior levels. It helped us to establish cooperation with many international partner institutions.
source,

Armenia is an emerging destination for UK and global investors: Armenia's Ambassador to London Business Matters

👔 Armenia is committed to building a knowledge-based, export-oriented, and inclusive economy.
👔 Armenia is diversifying its growing economy with pioneering sectors, creating ample investment opportunities.
👔 Armenia’s investment legislation grants equal treatment to foreign investors
👔 There are no restrictions on remittances and repatriation of profits, free exchange of foreign currencies and no limitations on staff recruitment
👔 The country’s favorable business climate and ‘open-door’ policy is also reflected in international reputable rankings where Armenia is ranked one of the highest in the region.
👔 Although Armenia has a relatively modest internal market, it offers different models of economic cooperation and serves as a gateway to major world markets
👔 Armenia has maintained a high level of cooperation with the EU through CEPA
👔 Armenia and UK will soon have a CEPA-like agreement
full article, source,

Turkey modernizes an Azerbaijani Su-25ML jet with guided bombs and Teber missiles

It uses KGK laser guidance for missiles and increases the reach to 110 km.
source,

Pashinyan's Chief of Staff hosted the French Ambassador to discuss defense, economy, infrastructure, and humanitarian topics

... also the upcoming events dedicated to the 100th anniversary of Charles Aznavour.
source,

Parliament Speakers of Armenia and Ukraine discuss the situation in the South Caucasus and Ukraine

source,

Q&A with ruling party MP Vahagn Alexanyan about the ongoing protests led by pro-Russian opposition

REPORTER: You continue to criticize the "holy movement"...
ALEXANYAN: The what now?
REPORTER: ... the "holy movement", by calling it a "pagan" movement. What is the ruling party's stance and do you discuss this internally?
ALEXANYAN: Of course we do, although I don't think Kocharyan's decision to name this movement "holy" is helping them. It's comical.
REPORTER: Do you have proof that Bagrat srbazan is [tied with Kocharyan]?
ALEXANYAN: Bagrat Galstanyan is surrounded by the entire political team of Robert Koharyan, he was a member of Kocharyan's 2022 protests and gave similar speeches he gives today, he received a praise from Russian propagandists, and he was named by a Russian propagandist Aram Gabrielyanov as a potential candidate for a new protest movement just a few months prior to these events, so it's beyond reasonable doubt that Bagrat Galstanyan is part of Kocharyan's team.
REPORTER: You were earlier accusing Galstanyan of being a Russian agent, and now Kocharyan's agent?
ALEXANYAN: Same thing.
REPORTER: The opposition gathered many thousands of supporters on May 9. What does the size of the crowd indicate?
ALEXANYAN: It was similar to Kocharyan's final rally before the 2021 elections. And?
REPORTER: The opposition created a video of "Pashinyan's lies" and broken promises. Will you respond?
ALEXANYAN: The clip itself is a lie and manipulation. For example, one of the supposed lies was Pashinyan's promise of an amnesty for overdue fines and penalties. You are a journalist, you tell me, was there an amnesty or not?
REPORTER: Pashinyan had also said that POWs could wait "just a few more months" and that he wouldn't "sacrifice Armenia's sovereignty" in exchange for bringing them back sooner. Why aren't they back?
ALEXANYAN: Dozens of POWs returned home in December, and efforts continue to bring back the rest. Literally 1-2 days before the POWs' return, the opposition claimed that the POWs were "forgotten" by the government. "Ոչ մի բան չեք անում:"
REPORTER: What about the Nagorno-Karabakh leadership?
ALEXANYAN: There are efforts to return them as well.
REPORTER: Why did the police form a wall to block entry to village Kirants [for nonresidents]?
ALEXANYAN: I think the NSS said they had to take action to prevent interference with the border work. From what I can tell, the protest leader himself went there yesterday and returned only 15 minutes later so there wasn't a big desire to stay there apparently.
REPORTER: They plan to hold a big rally on May 26 where they might nominate Bagrat srbazan as the PM's candidate to replace Pashinyan.
ALEXANYAN: Why not go straight for [alleged narco baron] Mihran Poghosyan [who publicly praised the protests]?
REPORTER: There appears to be a consensus around Bagrat srbazan after a meeting between several forces.
ALEXANYAN: Consensus minus one, where "minus one" is the people. Or to be more precise, "minus two", because the Constitution also prohibits Bagrat from serving as a prime minister. Congratulations on an initiative that's dead on arrival. It's absurd. They suggested replacing the Constitution to allow a dual citizen to serve as PM. Okay... To get Canadian citizenship you have to take an oath to serve the best interests of Canada. To allow dual citizens to serve as PM in Armenia we have to accept for the PM to have loyalty towards another state. The alternative is for the candidate [Bagrat] to admit that his word [oath to Canada] wasn't worth a dime. Երևի մատերը խաչ արած ա երդվել։
REPORTER: But don't you think you are manipulating because Galstanyan received Canadian citizenship just to be able to serve in the church in Canada? He didn't go there to live or conduct business.
ALEXANYAN: It doesn't matter why he went to Canada. He is a citizen of Canada and took an oath. Even religious leaders with dual citizenship cannot become prime ministers. I don't have an issue with him being a dual citizen, but it limits his office options. He still hasn't renounced his Canadian citizenship even after all these talks about a possible nomination.
REPORTER: Galstanyan said he is ready to renounce it as soon as there is a need for it.
ALEXANYAN: In other words, he seeks "guarantees" that he will be the candidate in order to renounce it?
full,source, source,

opposition churchman Bagrat Galstanyan demands the Armenian government compensate the damage done to the church during USSR and "return" the properties "legally belonging" to the church

This was said as a response to the critics of the church leadership who accused the church of turning into a political party and suggested taxing the church like a business.
BAGRAT: We have 19th-century churches that were forcefully confiscated and turned into ruins. The properties of the Armenian church must be returned to the church. The area of Moscow Cinema belongs to the church, half of the Katoghike Church was demolished and belongs to the church, and part of the items in Matenadaran were taken away from the church. Instead of threatening us with taxes, they must think about how they plan to return our properties, fully renovated and ready for service.
source,

the church is actually paying taxes but they do have some exemptions

The church paid $1 million in income taxes last year.
There are tax exemptions to import certain goods deemed for charity. They also don't pay property tax, and taxes on income generated from the sales of ceremonial accessories. The latter two are the frequent targets of church critics.
source,

Armenia's Constitutional Court has a vacant seat. Pro-Russian opposition criticizes Pashinyan's ruling party for favoring a "George Soros-linked" judge who worked for U.S. State Department.

A Serj-era judge is leaving the Constitutional Court after receiving a job offer elsewhere so one seat is vacant. It is the judiciary's turn to nominate a CC judge, so hundreds of judges recently held a meeting and voted for Judge Balayan as their candidate. Balayan's father was a CC judge during Kocharyan's tenure. He was accused in the Wikileaks report of having inappropriate deals with President Kocharyan. Pashinyan's ruling party did not vote to approve Balayan. This led to a second gathering of hundreds of judges where they voted to nominate Judge Khachaturyan as their candidate. The parliament summoned him for Q&A on Tuesday.
SPEAKER: We invite the representative of the judiciary to present their nominee for CC.
JUDICIARY REP: 267 judges voted. Judge Davit Khachaturyan, a member of the Criminal Chamber of the Court of Cassation, won the majority votes.
2000-2005: [blah blah blah]
2003-2006: Legislative Assistance Project Manager at Southern Caucasus Anti-Drug (SCAD) Program, sponsored by European Union and implemented by United Nations Development Program
2006: Program Assistant at U.S. Embassy in Armenia, Bureau for International Narcotics and Law Enforcement Affairs (INL)
2007-2013: U.S. Embassy in Armenia, U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), Legal Specialist
2014: Academy of Justice of the Republic of Armenian-Russian, Vice-Rector and Lecturer
2015-2016: Council of Europe Office in Yerevan, Program “Strengthening Health Care and Human Rights Protection in Prisons in Armenia”, Legal Expert
2016: EU project “Development and Strategic Studies”, Expert on Judiciary and Human Rights field reforms
2015-2017: EU project “ENP Progress Reports and Assessment Reports on Armenia´s Compliance with GSP+ obligations”. Expert on Rule of Law/Justice.
2013–2020: Law Faculty of Yerevan State University. Lecturer. Development and teaching of courses for the Master Program: “European Standards for the human rights protection in criminal proceedings”, and “Professional Skills of a Lawyer”
etc.
OPPOSITION MP: The ruling faction earlier chose not to confirm the appointment of Judge Davit Balayan; they obviously prefer Davit Khachaturyan. Can you explain why you didn't mention that Khachaturyan served on the board of directors and later as the president of the board at George Soros's Armenia-based Open Society Foundations? How will this record impact his work at CC?
JUDICIARY REP: I presented parts of his professional activities available on the court's public platforms. You can ask the candidate directly.
OPPOSITION MP: The Soros Foundation publicly listed him as a member so I don't understand why it's being hidden now. In your opinion, how will his work at the Soros Foundation affect his impartiality?
JUDICIARY REP: The majority of judges chose him and it's up to Parliament whether to confirm or reject.
RULING MP: Was the voting held in a closed session or can you see how each judge voted?
JUDICIARY REP: It's a closed format. My duty here is to present the candidate. [basically, leave me alone I'm just doing my job]
RULING MP: Why not make the court voting and internal discussions more transparent for the public to see so we will have fewer conspiracy theories on why one judge was preferred over the other?
JUDICIARY REP: I share the view that it needs to be as public as possible but the majority of judges voted to keep the session closed to the press.
RULING MP: Just because the discussions and the vote were behind closed doors that doesn't mean it was anti-democratic, but still, it's better to publicize the process. We hope to see a change in this approach.
JUDICIARY REP: The ballot casting will always be secret and I think that's the right approach in order to allow judges to express themselves without constraints, but I agree that the discussions and speeches should be public. Either way whatever we discuss behind closed doors always reaches the press so in practice there isn't really a major transparency issue there.
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: First, every part of my biography has always been public and part of public discussions. Second, I have always voted in favor of making internal discussions open to the press; it's the best way to avoid incorrect assumptions. Full speech here.
OPPOSITION MP: Congratulations. The ruling party intends to approve your candidacy just as they voted for you in the past for other positions. In all of those instances, you didn't mention your work at the Сорос Foundation. Now, a very interesting coincidence [drumroll... are you guys ready for this bombshell?], during the same time while you worked at Сорос foundation, in 2006-2013, you were also a U.S. Embassy employee [got 'em]. //
Nikol Pashinyan has resigned.
Tavush stretches all the way to Russia.
Bagrat srbazan becomes the Supreme Leader of Historical Soil & Water and the Generalissimos of Slow-Melting Candles... and of course removes the speed cameras from highways.
OPPOSITION MP (continues): With this biography, how do we know you are not an agent of foreign influence?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I was not an "employee" at the Soros Foundations. Other famous figures have served on the Board [mentions a famous doctor]. Everyone who was part of the Board had duties but it was not really an "employment". As for my simultaneous work with the U.S. Justice Department, there was no conflict with my membership or presidency at the Board because the latter was fully a public activity and we were only given a symbolic sum to compensate for our expenses; we are talking about less than $100/mo. I will let you be the judge regarding an agent of influence. There is a lot that's missing from my biography that read here [lists some boring constitutional research work, etc.].
OPPOSITION MP: You keep being "promoted" by the ruling party without having the chance to finish your terms. The longest job you've ever held was at the Сорос Foundation - 8 years. The brother of the head of the Anti-Corruption Committee, who is about to join the CC, cannot be impartial. Again, what guarantees can you present that you are not a [Western] agent?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: Your expectation for guarantees stems from the assumption that the [Open Society Foundations] were engaged in activities other than the ones they were actually engaged in. I won't present any "guarantees" because there is no "threat" to begin with. As I've said, that part of my biography has always been discussed publicly and the activities were public and covered by the press.
RULING MP: In your speech you spoke about the judiciary in the U.S. and brought examples. The U.S. doesn't have a Constitutional Court. Don't you think we should also merge the Constitutional and [Cassations Court] with the upcoming referendum to have one Supreme Court with corresponding chambers?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I support having one unified body like in the U.S., or clarifying the duties to prevent each body from interfering with the other. Lengthy answer.
OPPOSITION MP: A person [in Kirants] received permission [from USSR] to build a house and live in it. Then the [Armenian] government told him there was a mistake [after the clarification of borders]. Some 50 years after this incident, what would your verdict be in this case?
CANDIDATE KHACHATURYAN: I understand the context. This issue is the task of the Prime Minister and Foreign Minister and we cannot interfere in each other's institutions. I assume there will be a peace agreement eventually that will be sent to the Constitutional Court for examination, therefore I will refrain from making prejudgments now in order to be allowed to take part in future processes.
full video, source, source,

anti-corruption: Armenian authorities conclude that luxury Dubai property belonging to former regime MP's relative was not obtained illegally by him therefore will not be sized as part of an asset forfeiture case

Mher Sedrakyan (Tokhmakhi Mher) is a Serj-era MP whose family is going through an asset forfeiture case worth ֏7.5 billion ($19.3 million) that includes 22 real estate properties, cars, and company shares registered under his name and the names of immediate family members.
Additionally, investigative journalists recently found a luxury property in Dubai registered under the ex-MP's relative. Authorities have concluded that he is not the true ownebeneficiary of this Dubai apartment, therefore it won't be seized.
source,

the army concludes exercises for commanders

Context in May 14 news digest. The defense ministry says they have noted improvements and deficiencies and will take steps to correct them.
source,

Defense Minister Papikyan visited the frontlines and the newly built fortifications: PHOTO

The army continues to dig, asphalt, and build.
source,

Armenia's Foreign Minister met the head of the International Atomic Energy Agency during an international forum

ROSSI: Effective cooperation has been established between Armenia and the IAEA. We discussed several issues on the bilateral agenda, oncology and radiation medicine, safety, and reliable operation of the Armenian NPP.
MIRZOYAN: We plan to extend the lifespan of Metsamor NPP until 2036 while exploring new opportunities.
source,

Armenian lawyers went a strike on Tuesday to protest a bill that would move them from a turnover tax-based system to a VAT-based taxation

Context on the gray economy and why the government wants to gradually abolish the turnover tax system in May 2 news digest.
A group of lawyers said on Tuesday that their 5% turnover tax [for annual turnover under ֏119M] will become 10% this year, and in 2025 they will be required to switch to a 20% VAT/18% profit tax. The cost of legal services for many clients could increase by over 38%, they warned.
The Ombudsman and the Justice Ministry reportedly oppose this bill by the Finance Ministry.
source, source, source, source,

video shows the new payment terminals in Yerevan subway station

They plan to replace all gates next month. The Soviet-era tokens (zheton) are being replaced with QR codes, an app, and later - bank cards.
All stations will have payment terminals to purchase QR tickets. It prints out a paper with QR. Telcell's app lets you buy a ticket and instantly get a QR on the phone's screen.
Seniors who can't use "high-tech" can approach the token sellers and get a QR paper instead of a token.
video,

Yerevan will host an exhibition on Charles Aznavour’s 100th anniversary

Hundreds of rare artifacts will present the life and legacy of the legendary artist.
Location: National Museum-Institute of Architecture
Date: May 22-July 22
source,

Germany wants to purchase an Armenian man

Dortmund Borussia is interested in the services of Armenian national Edward Spertsyan as a replacement for departing Marco Reus.
During this season, midfielder Spertsyan has played 32 matches, scored 11 goals, and made 7 assists. His ass is worth €18 million.
source,

submitted by ar_david_hh to armenia [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:42 Outrageous-Quote-999 F4APM - Vampires, Fandom, Originals, AU, etc

I am going to put this at the start so no one wastes their time; don't expect a reply every day, it will probably average more like once a week.
Now, sometimes, on my days off or on high mental health days, it can be a couple of times a day, but that isn't something I can promise on a regular basis.
If that isn't going to work for you, that's fine. Just you have been warned upfront.
I won't ghost you, though. If it ever comes up that it will be less than once a week, I will communicate that. That shouldn't be the case, but emergencies come up from time to time, or things at work get extra hectic (when inventory comes up or holidays in particular) sometimes.
I am open to suggestions.
-+-
About Me;
●Female (and that is what I mostly play).
●In my early 30's.
●Role-playing for almost 20 years.
●I like to use face claims, and sometimes I'll make visuals for outfits and stuff, too.
●I like to write profiles for my characters, just a habit left over from the InvisionFree/ProBoards days.
●I usually match the length of my partner, but sometimes I'll go longer or shorter.
●I like tropes, especially the Gloomy/Sunshine pairing and the Good Guy/Bad Guy pairing.
●Full Time Manager at a Department Store.
●Central Daylight Time/GMT-5.
●Discord is Elinoire
Wanna know anything else? Feel free to ask.
Requirements;
●Play M if you plan on doing romance. Any gender is fine for anything else. Doesn't matter your real life gender.
●Be over 18, the closer to 30 the better.
●Use past tense and third person.
●Have patience and be understanding.
●Be willing to give a small profile of your character if you don't use face claims.
●I am not a perfectionist, but please at least spell things correctly.
-+-
While I have a lot of fandoms I want to try, I'd prefer OC's over canon characters for the majority, so assume that's the rule unless stated otherwise since I do have a few ideas with Fandom Canon/Canon and Canon/OC.
Unless a particular pairing is stated, these don't necessarily have to be just romance or whatever. We can do any genre. I do really like romance and will probably default that as my main idea, but if you aren't up for that, just say so before we start plotting.
Fandoms I Want Right Now;
~~Strike Out~~ means I've already filled it.
Star Wars; particularly the SWTOKOTOR timeline.
Fallout; I have OCs for FO3 and FONV, but I'd be willing to try any timeline. I've played FO1, FO2, FO3, FONV, FO4, and FO76. I've also finished the show. I have my own ideas for a Fallout Florida as well, including a Universal Studiosknock-offf known as Hubris Studios that is used as a giant Raider base run by a toy/comic themed group.
Cyberpunk 2077; I haven't played the tabletop version of it, but I've played the video game and watched the Anime.
Harry Potter; I don't mind doing the Books era, but I like the idea of doing something from the Victorian era or something from 1920-1960. Modern would also be okay. Can be school based or just world based, so we could play students or play Aurors or anything from the world. Lemme know you consider Canon for modern timelines, though!
-+-
Heavily Inspired (or Fandom) Pairings; (I’d play the BOLD character)
☑ means keeping the original actors as the Faces
☒ means NOT keeping the original actors as the Faces
☐ means keeping the canon characters as the original actors' faces but not the OC
●Colin/Penelope (Brigerton) INSPIRED; [☑] Vampire “Colin”/Human “Pen”, a lot would stay the same, but a lot would change, too.
●Rick/Evie (The Mummy) INSPIRED; [☒] Original characters/versions of the Originals, but same storyline (maybe with tweaks or updates, we can discuss it).
~~●Malak/Female Revan (KOTOR) FANDOM; [☒] Particularly before the game takes place, maybe back when they were still in the Academy or early on during the first war.~~
●Kandomere/Female OC (Bright) FANDOM; [☐] I loved this character, and I think it would be fun to play out some stuff between him and a sunshiny Human character. Plus, I love the world of Bright.
●Daryl Dixon/Female OC (Walking Dead) FANDOM; [☐] Basically, this would be my own version of Beth Greene aka Lillibeth “Lilli” Greene. It would stay probably 100% Canon plot wise outside of a certain obvious death and would start during the time Daryl and Beth were out alone and go from there.
-+-
Other;
Pairings;
●Grumpy Slytherin/Sunshine Chubby Hufflepuff
●Racist Elf/Human
●Vampire/Human (I can play either)
~~●Light Side Jedi/Grey Jedi (I can play either)~~
●Sith/Light Side Jedi
●RaideVault Dweller
●Intelligent Supermutant/Human Wastelander
●Disfigured Large Knight/Sweet Petite Royal (inspired by Hound/Sansa, but I don't like how young Sansa is).
●Negan(TV Show Ver)AU-Reverend(OR)Sheriff/Female OC-Prostitute WESTERN AU
~~●HadesAU-Crime Boss/PersephoneAU CYBERPUNK AU~~
●HephaestusAU-BikeChlorisAU-Florist MODERN AU
●Frankenstein's MonsterAU/Human Outcast ANY AU
AU Options (<- similar time before or after ->);
~~●Cyberpunk~~
●High Fantasy
●Sci-Fi
●Modern
●Western
●<- Medieval ->
●<- Regency ->
●<- Victorian ->
●1920s-1930s
●1940s-1950s
●1960s-1970s
●1980s-1990s
●Gothic (Southern, Appalachian, Midwestern, South Western, etc)
If nothing here interests you, but you think we'd do well together on another idea, feel free to lemme know what you have in mind.
Some of my inspirational media right now to get an idea;
1883
28 Days/Weeks Later
AHS (especially Asylum and Freak Show)
Alien
Anything Anne Rice
Anything Guillermo Del Toro
Anything Michael Crichton
Blade Runner
Brigerton
Bright
Cyberpunk 2077/Edgerunners
DnD
Dragon Age: Inquisition
Elder Scrolls
Fable
Falling Skies
Fallout
Game of Thrones/House of Dragons
Harry Potter
Hellboy
Indiana Jones
Jonah Hex
Last of Us
Lord of the Rings
Mad Max
Matrix
Our Flag Means Death
Outsiders (WGN Show)
Peaky Blinders
Pitch Black/Riddick
Preacher
Primeval (UK TV Show)
Red Dead Redemption
Sons of Anarchy
Star Wars
The Mummy
The Walking Dead
True Blood
Universal Monsters
Vampire: The Masquerade
West World
Witcher

submitted by Outrageous-Quote-999 to Roleplay [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:41 896_Diffident_Monad 26 [M4F] GA/TN/SC, USA Looking for my better half Car shows, custom PCs, gaming, anime, adventures, travel...a life together! 😁

(My profile is tagged N-S-F-W because I also post these in dirtyr4r since some have actually had luck finding something serious there. Figured it's worth a shot, haha.)
I'm searching for the kind of wonderful woman who shares most of my interests below in addition to her hobbies and interests, who's also goofy, likes to playfully insult each other, and also believes in open and honest communication. I believe with that, we can work out any problems when they arise. 💛
• I'm a gamer, car guy, and maybe one day, a musician too. I enjoy anime, nature, going on little adventures, swimming, traveling... I wanna see the world with you before all the beautiful sights are gone. - Current games I've focused on lately is Helldivers 2 and Deep Rock Galactic. If you wanna play those together, that would be awesome! I would also eventually like to play other things together like Stardew Valley, Minecraft, Terraria, etc. - My taste is music is nearly everything except country and today's rap. To name a few bands/musicians I really love: Led Zeppelin, Arctic Monkeys, Tame Impala, The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, Queens of the Stone Age, Mac Demarco, Them Crooked Vultures, and Metronomy.
• I want to dance with you. In the living room, bedroom, back yard, in the park, almost anywhere. I enjoy doing romantic things and expressing my love. I love deep conversations that distract us from the passing of time.
• I'm a dog person because my allergies chose to target cats for whatever reason, so there's that. 😅
• I'm monogamous and don't have children currently, but they're in my future plans, probably within the next 6 years. I want to spend plenty of time with, well it might be you, and enjoy the best of life as a couple, and then as spouses, traveling and whatnot, before we start a family. 🤗
• I'm really hoping to find someone who's also into dirty humor (amongst other forms of humor) and has mutual...interests 😏 so we have even better compatibility in the bedroom (and sometimes away from home too). I usually have a high labido, but I only want to get intimate when we're both comfortable and ready. 👉👈
• Specs for those who would like them: - 6 feet tall (about 183 cm). - 219 lbs and dropping (about 99 kg). ~ My figure is very dad-bod at the moment, but apparently it comes with a nice ass (so I'm told). ~ This is close to the most I've ever weighed, and I'm not happy with it. I'm targeting somewhere around 170 lbs (about 77 kg). - Brunette/dirty blonde, kept relatively short. - Blue eyes. - Caucasian.
• I have learned the hard way that I do have a type. I used to date outside that type, and it only led to hurt feelings, so I don't want to repeat that. That being said, my type is Caucasian or East Asian ranging from petite to average body type. I don't love going to the gym, but if you have or want a membership I would be open to going together. 😁 I apologize if my preferences differ from who you are. You're all beautiful people, regardless! Please love yourself and enjoy the time you're given in life! 💛
Chat with ya soon! 😁

submitted by 896_Diffident_Monad to r4r [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:39 a_modest_espeon [H] Lots of Games, Please Look [W] Games(See Below)/Offers, Wishlisted Items, and Paypal

I am currently taking paypal for games, you always go first and cover fees
For game trades, you always go first and message me, usually it takes me about 1-2 days to get back to you at the latest
My Rep Page has not been updated in about 5 years, but I have a lot of trades finished
Bolded items are just the ones I would like to consider keeping so don't feel as though you need to offer more for the game
Wants
Oneshot
Subnautica
Stellaris (and dlc)
Wishlist Items
Have
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ADOM (ANCIENT DOMAINS OF MYSTERY)
Bridge Constructor Portal
Chivalry 2 - Epic Edition
Deep Rock Galactic
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Doom Eternal
Elite Dangerous
Endless Space 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
Ghostrunner
Honey I Joined a Cult
Lost Ruins
Mass Effect Legendary Edition (temporarily unavailable)
MONSTER TRAIN (FIRST CLASS - COLLECTORS EDITION)
OUTWARD + THE SOROBOREANS AND OUTWARD SOUNDTRACK
PATHFINDER: WRATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS
Rebel Inc: Escalation
REMNANT: FROM THE ASHES - COMPLETE EDITION
SCP:Secret Files
SHOTGUN KING: THE FINAL CHECKMATE
Songs of Conquest
Spyro™ Reignited Trilogy
Surviving Mars
THE OUTER WORLDS: SPACER'S CHOICE EDITION
Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales
VALKYRIA CHRONICLES 4 COMPLETE EDITION
Wasteland 3
Yakuza 4 Remastered
20XX
7 Grand Steps

observer (x3)

A Good Snowman is Hard to Build
A Juggler's Tale
A Mortician's Tale
A New Beginning - Final Cut
Aaero
Aces and Adventures
AER Memories of Old (x2)
Age of Wonders III
Ageless
Agents of Mayhem
AI War: Fleet Command
Alien Spidy
Aliens:Fireteam Elite
Alina of the Arena
All You Can Eat
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Army Men RTS
Ashes of the Singularity: Escalation (x2)
Assassin's Creed® Origins
Assault Android Cactus
Atom RPG Trudograd
Atomicrops
AUTONAUTS VS PIRATEBOTS
Backbone
Bad End Theater
Banner Saga Trilogy - Deluxe Pack
Banners of Ruin
Bastion (x2)
Batman Arkham Origins (x2)
Battle Chef Brigade
Beacon Pines
Beat Hazard Ultra
Bee Simulator
Before Your Eyes
BEHIND THE FRAME: THE FINEST SCENERY
Beholder
BENDY AND THE DARK REVIVAL
Beneath Oresa
Between the Stars
Beyond a Steel Sky
Binary Domain
Bioshock Remastered
BioShock: The Collection
Biped
Black Book
Blade Assault
Blasphemous
Blazing Beaks
Bleed 2
Bloodstained®︎: Ritual of the Night
Bone - Episode 1 & Episode 2
Boomerang Fu (x3)
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe
Boreal Blade
Boyfriend Dungeon
Broken Age (x2)
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
Brutal Legend
BUILDER SIMULATOR
Burly Men At Sea (x2)
Bury Me, My Love
Celeste
Chasm
Chicken Police
Children of Silentown
CHUCHEL Cherry Edition (x2)
CivCity: Rome
Coffee Talk
COMMAND & CONQUER REMASTERED COLLECTION
Company of Heroes 2 + Company of Heroes 2 - Whale and Dolphin Conservation Charity Pattern Pack
Conan Chop Chop
CONTROL STANDARD EDITION (Steam or Epic Games)
COOK, SERVE, DELICIOUS! 3
Coromon
Crowntakers
Crusader Kings Complete
Cultist Simulator (x2)
Curious Expedition
CURSE OF THE DEAD GODS
Cyber Hook
DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: HOUSE OF ASHES
Darkside Detective
Darksiders Genesis
Darksiders II Deathinitive Edition (x2)
Darksiders Warmastered Edition
Dead In Bermuda
Deadly Days
Death Squared (x2)
Deathloop
Decieve Inc.
Deleveled
Desperados 3
Destroy All Humans!
Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
Disciples: Liberation
Distance
DISTRAINT 2 + Soundtrack
Distrust (x3)
Drawful 2
DUCATI - 90th Anniversary
Duke Nukem Forever
Duke Nukem Forever Hail to the Icons
Duke Nukem Forever The Doctor Who Cloned Me
Dungeons 3 (x2)
Dusty Revenge: Co-Op Edition
Dwarfs!?
EARTH DEFENSE FORCE 4.1: Blood Storm + DLC
EarthNight
Eastside Hockey Manager
Elderborn
Eldest Souls
Elex
Ellipsis
Embr
Emily is Away <3
ENCASED: A SCI-FI POST-APOCALYPTIC RPG
Endless Space® - Collection (x2)
Epic Chef
Eternal Threads
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Europa Universalis IV
Evan's Remains
Evergarden
EVERSPACE™
Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
Fallout 1
Family Man
Farmer's Dynasty
Fibbage XL
Fights in Tight Spaces
Figment
Finding Paradise
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
Fort Triumph
Founders' Fortune
Framed Collection
Framed Collection (x2)
Freddi Fish 2: The Case of the Haunted Schoolhouse
Freddi Fish 3: The Case of the Stolen Conch Shell
Freddi Fish 4: The Case of the Hogfish Rustlers of Briny Gulch
Freddi Fish 5: The Case of the Creature of Coral Cove
Freddi Fish and Luther's Maze Madness
Freddi Fish and Luther's Water Worries
Freedom Force
Freedom Force vs. The Third Reich
Friends Vs Friends
FTL
Full Metal Furies
Full Throttle Remastered (x2)
Fury Unleashed
Gas Station Simulator
Genesis Noir
Get In The Car, Loser!
Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy
God's Trigger
Golf Gang
Gonner
GRAV (Early Access)
Greedfall
GRID 2
Grime
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Growing Up
Guns of Icarus Online
Hacknet (x2) + Hacknet Labyrinths DLC (x1)
Haiku, the Robot
Hammerting
Hard Reset Redux
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heaven's Vault
Heavenly Bodies (x2)
Hell Let Loose
Hell Pie
Hello Neighbor Hide and Seek
Hellpoint
Hero Siege Complete + Cyberpunk Samurai + Demon Slayer Bundle + Extra slots & stash space + ClassShield Lancer + Shaman + Plague Doctor + Marauder + Amazon+Avenger Paladin DLCs
Heroes of Hammerwatch
Hexcells Complete Pack
Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
Hidden Folks
HITMAN™: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON (x2)
HIVESWAP: Act 1
Hokko life
Hollow Knight
Hot Brass
Hot Wheels Unleashed
Hotshot Racing
Hyper Light Drifter
I am not a Monster: First Contact
I'm not a Monster
If Found...
Impostor Factory
In Between
In Sound Mind
Injustice Gods Among Us Ultimate Edition (x3)
INK Deluxe Edition
Iris and the Giant
Iron Harvest
Jack Move
JumpJet Rex
Jupiter Hell
Jurassic World Evolution - Deluxe Dinosaur Pack
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition
Kerbal Space Program
KeyWe
Kill it with Fire
KillSquad
Kingdom Classic
Kingdom Two Crowns
Kingdom: New Lands (x2)
Knights of Pen and Paper 2
Kraken Academy!!
Late Shift
Later Alligator
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Legend of Keepers
Legion TD2-MULTIPLAYER TOWER DEFENSE
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham Premium Edition
LEGO DC Super-Villains Deluxe Edition
LEGO Ninjago Movie Video Game
LEGO® Batman 2 DC Super Heroes™
LEGO® Worlds
Let's Explore the Farm (Junior Field Trips)
Let's Explore the Jungle (Junior Field Trips)
Levelhead
Leviathan Warships
Life is Strange 2: Complete Season
Life is Strange: True Colors
Lone Fungus
Lords and Villeins
Lostwinds
Lovecraft's Untold Stories
Lumino City
Luna's Wandering Stars
Machinarium
Mad Max
Mafia: Definitive Edition
Mafia: Definitive Edition
Magicka
Maid of Sker
Majesty 2
Majesty Gold HD
Marooners
Masquerade: The Baubles of Doom
Massive Chalice
Meeple Station
Merchany of the Skies
Metal Hellsinger
Metro Exodus
Midnight Protocol
Mind Scanners
Mini Metro
MINIT (x2)
MirrorMoon EP
Monster Loves You
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Moonlighter
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
Morkredd
MOTHERGUNSHIP
Moving Out
Mr. Shifty
Mr.Prepper
Mushroom 11
My Memory of Us
My Time at Portia
Narita Boy
Naruto to Boruto: Shinobi Strikers
NBA 2K20
NEBUCHADNEZZAR
Necromunda: Hired Gun
Necronator: Dead Wrong (x2)
Neo Cab
Neon Abyss
Neon Drive (Steam)
Newt One
Niche (x3)
NICKELODEON ALL-STAR BRAWL
Nimbatus The Space Drone Constructor
Ninja Pizza Girl
No Time to Explain Remastered
No Time to Relax
Not For Broadcast
Not Tonight
Oaken
Offworld Trading Company + Jupiter's Forge Expansion Pack (x2)
Old Man's Journey
OlliOlli World - Rad edition
OlliOlli2: Welcome to Olliwood
Omno
One Step From Eden
Operation Flashpoint: Red River
OPERATION: TANGO
Opus Magnum
Orwell: Ignorance is Strength (x2)
Orwell: Keeping an Eye on You (x3)
Othercide
Otxo
Out of the Park Baseball 18
Overcooked! 2 - Surf 'n' Turf Pack
Overcooked! 2 - Too Many Cooks
Overgrowth
Overlord II
OZYMANDIAS: BRONZE AGE EMPIRE SIM
PAC-MAN™ CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION 2
Pajama Sam 2: Thunder And Lightning Aren't So Frightening
Pajama Sam 3: You Are What You Eat From Your Head To Your Feet
Pajama Sam's Lost & Found
Pajama Sam's Sock Works
Pajama Sam: Games to Play on Any Day
Pale Echoes
Panzer Corps 2
Paper Fire Rookie
Paperbark
Paradigm (x2)
Paradise Killer
Party Hard (x2)
Patch Quest
PayDay 2
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Pesterquest
Pesterquest
PGA TOUR 2K21
Pikuniku
Pinstripe (x2)
Plague Inc: Evolved
Planet of the Eyes
Planet Zoo
PlateUp! (x2)
Plunge
Police Stories
Police Stories
Portal Knights
Primal Carnage: Extinction
Prodeus
Project Highrise (x2)
Project Winter
Psychonauts
Putt-Putt® and Pep's Balloon-o-Rama
Putt-Putt® and Pep's Dog on a Stick
Putt-Putt® Enters the Race
Putt-Putt® Goes to the Moon
Putt-Putt® Joins the Circus
Putt-Putt® Joins the Parade
Putt-Putt® Travels Through Time
Putt-Putt®: Pep's Birthday Surprise
Puzzle Agent
Puzzle Agent 2
Q.U.B.E. 2
Q.U.B.E: Director's Cut
Quest of Dungeons
Quiplash
Railroad Corporation
Railroad Tycoon 3
Railroad Tycoon II Platinum
Rain World
Raji: An Ancient Epic
Rapture Rejects + Safari outfit
Realpolitiks
Rebel Cops
Rebuild 3: Gangs of Deadsville
RED SOLSTICE 2: SURVIVORS
Regency Solitaire
Regions of Ruin
Regular Human Basketball (x3)
Relicta
Remnants of Isolation
Resident Evil 0 HD REMASTER
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil 5 Gold Edition
Resident Evil 6
Resident Evil HD REMASTER
Resident Evil Revelations (X2)
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Deluxe Edition
Retimed
Retro Game Crunch
Retrowave
Revita
Rime
Rise and Shine
Rising Dusk
Rituals
Road 96
Road to Ballhalla
Roadwarden
Robot Roller-Derby Disco Dodgeball
Rock of Ages 2: Bigger & Boulder™
Rocket Birds: Hardboiled Chicken
ROCKETSROCKETSROCKETS
Rogue Heroes:Ruins of Tasos
Roguebook
Rollerdrome
ROUNDS (x2)
Rustler
Rusty Lake Paradise
RÖKI
S.W.I.N.E. HD REMASTER
Saints Row: The Third
Sam & Max: Season 1
Sam & Max: Season 2
Satellite Reign (x2)
Scorn
Scourgebringer
Screencheat
Scribblenauts Unlimited (x2)
Secrets of Raetikon
Shadow Complex Remastered (Epic Games)
SHADOW TACTICS: AIKO'S CHOICE
Shady Part of Me
Shelter 2 (x3)
Shenmue I & II
shutshimi
Sid Meier's Railroads!
Sigma Theory: Global Cold War (x2)
SimplePlanes
SIMULACRA
Size Matters
Slipstream
Sniper Elite
Sniper Elite 3 (x2)
Sniper Elite V2
Snowtopia: Ski Resort Builder
Song of Horror
SOULCALIBUR VI
Souldiers
Speed Brawl
Spellcaster University
Spelunky
Spirit of the Island
Spirits
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: BATTLE FOR BIKINI BOTTOM - REHYDRATED
Spy Fox 2 "Some Assembly Required"
Spy Fox 3 "Operation Ozone"
Spy Fox in "Dry Cereal"
Spy Fox In: Hold the Mustard
Squad (Early Access)
StarCrossed
State of Mind
Staxel
Stealth 2: A Game of Clones
Stick Fight: The Game (x4)
Streamline Early Access
Streets of Rage
Stronghold Crusader 2
Subsurface Circular (x3)
Suchart:Genius Artist Simulator
Sudden Strike 4
Super Daryl Deluxe
Super Galaxy Squadron EX
Super Hexagon (x2)
Super House of Dead Ninjas: True Ninja Pack
Super House of the Dead Ninjas (x2)
Super Lesbian Animal RPG
Super Magbot
Super Time Force Ultra
SUPERHOT (x3)
Surgeon Simulator + Anniversary Ed. Content
Surviving the Aftermath
Swag and Sorcery
Sword Legacy Omen
SYNTHETIK: Legion Rising
System Shock 2
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
Tainted Grail: Conquest
Tales from the Borderlands
Tales of Berseria™
Tales of the Neon Sea
Tangledeep + Soundtrack
Tank Mechanic Simulator
Team Indie
Teleglitch: Die More Edition
Telltale Texas Hold'em
TemTem
The Adventure Pals
The Ambassador: Fractured Timelines
The Ascent
The Ball
The Battle of Polytopia
The Blackout Club
THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: LITTLE HOPE
THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: MAN OF MEDAN
The Dungeon of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet of Chaos + Goodies + OST
The Dwarves
The First Tree (x3)
The Forgotten City
The Gardens Between
The Henry Stickmin Collection
THE INVISIBLE HAND
The Journey Down: Chapter Three
The Legend of Tianding
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
The Quarry Deluxe Edition
The Red Lantern
The Serpent Rogue
The Stillness of the Wind
The Walking Dead
The Walking Dead - 400 Days
The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
The Walking Dead: Final Season
The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
The Walking Dead: Saints & Sinners
The Walking Dead: Season Two
The Walking Dead: The Telltale Definitive Series
The Wild Eight
The Witness (x2)
theHunter: Call of the Wild
Them and Us
There is No Light:Enhanced Edition
Think of the Children
Thirty Flights of Loving
This is the Police
This War of Mine
This War of Mine: Final Cut
Throne of Lies® The Online Game of Deceit (x3)
Tilt Brush
TIMEframe
Tin Can
Titan Quest Anniversary
Titan Quest Anniversary Edition
ToeJam & Earl: Back in the Groove (x2)
Tokyo 42
Tooth and Tail (x2)
Torment: Tides of Numenera
Total Tank Simulator (x2)
Tower of Guns (x2)
Train Simulator 2017 + Platform Clutter + Town Scenery
Train Station Renovation
Tribes of Midgard
Trine 4: The Nightmare Prince
Tropico 4
Turbo Gold Racing
Twin Mirror (x2)
Two Point Campus
Ultimate Chicken Horse (x3)
Undertale
Unmetal
Unpacking
Valfaris
Vampire: The Masquerade - Shadows of New York
Vane
Vault of the Void
Verdun
Vertiginous Golf
Vikings - Wolves of Midgard
Visage
Void Bastards
Volgarr the Viking
Wandersong
Wargroove
Waking Mars
WARHAMMER 40,000: CHAOS GATE - DAEMONHUNTERS
Warhammer: Chaosbane
Werewolf: The Apocalypse Heart of the Forest
West of Dead
Westerado: Double Barreled
Where the Water Tastes like Wine
WHO PRESSED MUTE ON UNCLE MARCUS
Wildfire
WINDJAMMERS 2
Windward
Wingspan
Wizard of Legend (x3)
World of Goo
Worms Revolution
WORMS RUMBLE + LEGENDS PACK DLC
Wuppo (x2)
WWE 2K Battlegrounds
WWE 2K Battlegrounds + Brawler Pass
WWE 2K23
XCOM: CHIMERA SQUAD
XCOM: ULTIMATE COLLECTION
Yes, Your Grace
Yooka-Laylee
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK HEADRUSH
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SPORTS
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK TELEVISION
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 1 XL
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 3
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 4: The Ride
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 6 The Lost Gold
Ziggurat
Zombie Night Terror
Others GameMaker Studio Pro
Ashampoo BackUp Pro 14
Ashampoo Photo Optimizer 7
Ashampoo WinOptimizer 18
Battleborn Starter Skin Pack
Darkest Dungeon Shieldbreaker DLC
Double Fine Adventure Documentary
GWENT - Ultimate Starter Pack
Killing Floor - Community Weapon Pack 1 DLC
Killing Floor - Community Weapon Pack 2 DLC
Killing Floor - Community Weapon Pack 3 DLC
Mage and Minions - $10 In-Game Currency
Music Maker EDM Edition
Music Maker: Hip Hop Edition
PAYDAY 2: Sydney Mega Mask
Starfinder: Pact Worlds Campaign Setting
XCOM® 2: Reinforcement Pack
XCOM® 2: Resistance Warrior Pack
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK MOVIES

submitted by a_modest_espeon to SteamGameSwap [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:39 UzielFist ayuda

Hello guys, I'm new to playing Minecraft Java, I had played Bedrock all my life, I play it on an HP 640 G2 laptop and because I was moving the settings to make the game more fluid, those two bars and that circle came out when I pressed f3, could you help me? remove them and also tell me what to do to make the game go more smoothly, either with a mod or some adjustments

submitted by UzielFist to Minecraft [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:38 a_modest_espeon [H] Lots of Games, Please Look [W] Games(See Below)/Offers, Wishlisted Items, and Paypal

observer (x3)

submitted by a_modest_espeon to indiegameswap [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:31 Pale-Membership65 Are my feelings valid?

I smile and laugh, play, and joke around, but I also cry a lot, especially at night. I feel like a balloon that's been overinflated, ready to burst. I see no hope for the future, no motivation, no confidence, and no self-love. When I try to envision my future, I see myself stuck in the same place.
This started when I was 12, after 6th grade, and worsened at 14. Since I was 11, I've been babysitting my little brothers a lot. I love them and understand why I had to do it—my parents were struggling and working to keep a roof over our heads. It's not their fault, and I don't blame them. But for the past seven years, babysitting has been my daily routine. When my parents were home, they were either resting, spending time with my younger siblings, or doing family activities. Emotionally and mentally, I felt they weren't there for me. I never felt comfortable talking to them about how I felt. And I thought they had bigger worries than me, so I kept everything to myself but there was like three times were I’ve opened up to them . For temporary happiness, I turned to video games, the internet, and my dog. These distractions kept me happy for a while, but over time, they stopped working. I had no friends and stayed home all day. After sixth grade, I did online school for two years, which meant I spent my days playing video games, eating, and staring at screens. Without social interaction, I forgot how to socialize and developed social anxiety, insecurities, self-hatred, and no confidence.
I was isolated for two years, which severely affected me. When I returned to school in 9th grade, I couldn't make friends. I was always quiet, couldn't ask for help in class, and struggled to hold conversations. When someone talked to me, I got dizzy, experienced blurred vision, tunnel vision, and shaking. I kept my head down because I was so insecure about my face and body. Everything I'm typing is how I still feel.
When I was 15, we moved. For two or three months, I didn't go to school, staying in my room all day, watching my younger brothers, sleeping, eating, and browsing the internet. I was socially isolated again. When I finally started school, I met a girl who talked to me first. We became friends, and I felt a bit happier, though still insecure and sad. Eventually, I made three more friends, and we ate lunch together. However, as soon as I got home from school, my parents left for work, and I watched my siblings until late at night. This pattern continued, though they didn't leave as often as they used to. I had some alone time when two of my younger siblings started school, but I still had responsibilities, like picking them up from the bus stop and again watching them until like 10 or 11.
After more moving and struggling, we settled into a nice house, which I'm grateful for. But despite the change in living conditions, I still feel the same—full of self-hate, lacking confidence, feeling hopeless and unmotivated. I'm 17 now, not in school, have no friends, and feel worse than ever. I want to tell my parents, but I fear they won't understand, and nothing will change. No matter how many times my mom tells me to love myself or sends me motivational videos, I feel numb. Deep down, I can't imagine ever loving myself, feeling motivated, or escaping this hopelessness. I believe nothing will ever change. Am I wrong? Are my feelings even valid? Every single day, I deal with crying, fighting, and my name being called constantly. I can't do this anymore—it's overwhelming and exhausting. I'm bed rotting all the time, unable to take care of myself properly. I'm neglecting myself. Basic tasks like brushing my teeth, showering, and cleaning feel useless to me. Why take care of myself when I feel so low?
Don't get me wrong; I have days where I feel better and think I should take care of myself and dog, but those feelings only last a few days at most. Then I go right back to neglecting myself. I still get up to take care of my brothers, make them food, and clean up after them because I have to—otherwise, my mom would be upset, and I just don't want to hear it.
On especially hard days when I'm feeling more down than usual, I reach a point where I just don't care anymore. I won't clean up, though I still make food for my brothers because I would never let them starve. Other than that, I can't find the motivation to do anything else. Is this just me being lazy? Or is it something else? I lack the motivation to just do it. Are my feelings valid? I don't feel like they are. I don't know anymore—I just can't.
I feel so awkward around my parents and barely talk to them, especially about my feelings. It’s just never been that way. Three times, I tried to open up to them, but nothing changed. Instead, I felt like they were invalidating my feelings with comments like, "What do you have to be stressed about?", "When I was your age, I didn’t have anybody," "Growing up was hard; you're lucky," and "Depression isn’t real."
I'm grateful for everything my parents do for me and my siblings, but these comparisons to their past make me feel even worse. It makes me question whether my feelings are valid. Once, I told them I thought I had an eating disorder, and they just looked at each other, shook their heads, and laughed. That was me trying to open up, and it made me feel terrible.
I'm sorry if this seems jumbled; I just have a lot to say. I want to understand what’s going on with me. Are my feelings valid, or am I over-exaggerating, being dramatic, or having a victim complex?
Also I love my parents so much like I just wish things were a bit different and I’m grateful for everything they’ve done for us I really am I don’t want to seem disrespectful but I’m sorry if I’m coming off as disrespectful or ungrateful I don’t know.

submitted by Pale-Membership65 to therapy [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:31 AdditionalAd6810 Is this normal parenting? Or are they just narcissistic?

So I've had some issues for a time being with my parents. It all really started cause I didn't really want to come out of my room, and I told them I didn't want to go to college. I really thought they would lay off my back, but then it got bad really quick. I had gotten into an argument with my mom in the morning, and I told her that she sucked at parenting. I even listed why, and that's because she had diametric favoritism to my younger brother whom is autistic, and she's made him dependent on them, and telling me I had to be his role model and go to college according to the psychiatrist I've been seeing(It gets worse trust me). Mind you, this kid just plays video games all day, and they find him the "Perfect child." They don't even care if he does anything with his life or not. When it comes to me, they're all up in my business telling me do this do that. So anyways, my dad printed off a 4-5 page contract, and basically these rules were literally crazy(Ill attach all the images of all the contracts I have received from each of them) I had a mental breakdown, cause well yea what else am I supposed to do when I'm told sign away your life on this piece of paper which isolates me from everyone, and says if you don't do this, we wont sign your early grad approval form. I went through a really bad breakdown too, my face is still quite scarred from scratching myself, and since I have a history of sh in stressful situations, I basically relapsed because of it, and was thinking of dying cause of the amount of stress brought onto me. So I got mad, went home, and burned it. He printed off another page, and right after my AP exams he hands it to me . Tells me to read it. I say, I don't want to read it right now. He's like well you better. I still denied. He didn't like that, and we got into an argument where I told him I don't claim him as my father if he's going to be like this. He told me I was a "Gaslighting Manipulator," he then proceeded to hit me against the dash(3rd time, first with my mom), and told me to "Get the fuck out and walk home", so I didn't know if I was kicked out or not cause like. Was it just the car? Or just gone forever. I walked literally all the way to the highway by my house, and called my gf on the way who sent her mom to pick me up. I was shaking and crying so badly, and didn't know what to do. So I stayed at her place for about 5 hours ish, and when my mom threatened to call the police I finally came home. She even said "I looked for you," but idk how accurate that is. The next day, they had cut off my cell service, and I couldn't text anyone or call anyone, and they realized that. I needed to talk to my therapist, but I couldn't. I needed to tell them everything that has been going on, but I couldn't. The next day, my friends read the contract cause I came in crying. I talked the guidance counselor for like 3 hours. They told me they couldn't do anything like call cps because of no present physical abuse. I talked to a crisis worker, they told me I couldn't really do anything cause of the same thing too. Then things got wayyyy worse. It was around 4, on Friday, May 10th. My mom had came in. I told her I didn't want to see my psychiatrist cause we weren't clicking. She's homeopathic so it's not a good fit. She asked for other alternatives, I didn't know any at the time so I just said idk. My mom apparently called Martha, and Martha said that it might be best to get me committed. It's now 4:30, both my mom and dad walk in after I make myself food and think that oh I'll still be forced to go on call again so I might as well have some food before hand. I got my food, and I went down to the corner of the hallway. My dad, standing right by my brother's room. My mom standing right near the kitchen and front door. They told me get your shoes on we're going, I told them I didn't need it I just didn't click with her. They didn't believe me and I ran to my room. I was followed, I told him no. I don't want to be touched, and when I began to eat my food he basically grabbed me. I tried my best to escape him, but he had a firm grip around my arms and chest. I tried to find anything to latch onto while I was being dragged and shit was being thrown amongst the floor. I couldn't do anything I was helpless I just kept telling them to let me go this was abuse TwT. My mom didn't help either. I was dropped at the shoe rack to get my shoes on. I refused...my mom was then screaming at me "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU'RE GOING" I refused again, she said "ALRIGHT IM CALLING THE COPS." My dad told her to back off basically that she was not helping. But I was picked up again, and held onto the doorframe for as long as I could yelling "IM NOT GOING I DONT WANT TO", she basically just yelled at me,"YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE HELP YOU NEED..." Then she slammed the front door in my face I tried to grab onto whatever I could..but my dad switched his grip on how he was holding me I bit him in the arm and he pinned me down on the sidewalk holding my throat for a bit. I felt like I was going to die. I still kicked and flailed my arms and legs. My mom was there, and she tried to help, but as soon as she tried anything I smacked her in the face. I was thrown in the car right behind the driver's seat. I began to punch at the window, my mom said,"if you break that window I'm having your ass." I stopped, My mom said "good luck." As soon as my dad hopped in, I took advantage and said "I'm not going!," kicked the door open, and ran. I didn't know where to,but I had an idea. I had to avoid the roads as I knew my dad wouldn't come on foot. Hed come in his truck. I ran down the hill in my socks going through bushes just to get down it. I was on the left side of highway 14. Running, I saw my dad's truck and dipped behind a tree. He parked it along the side of the road so I just waited it out. I thought he'd get out, and chase me,but it didn't seem like he saw me. When he turned the truck around, I knew I had time to get away. I didn't know where to go, my first instinct was gf's house,but I knew he might come back that way. So I ran to a neighbor down the hill's house. I rung the doorbell basically crying on their porch, and said "I need help..." The man who answered the door was a retired physician. He asked me what happened I told him my dad basically was physically abusing me, and I didn't know where else to go. So I ran. He let me inside. Where he gave me a glass of water, orange juice, and lemon balm cake. Told me I need to eat more cause I'm a young person to grow. He seemed like a nice guy, he had friends he was going out with, and I felt bad I disturbed his time. He asked me all sorts of questions about me, and I answered truthfully and kindly. The first thing he did was talk to his neighbor Lois who recommended calling the sheriff. He did that, and basically it was just a waiting game. I shook and cried a bit, cause I was so scared. I talked to his daughter who was a child psychologist who told me I'd have to talk to my parents eventually. I didn't want to. The sheriff arrived maybe an hour later. He talked to me, I told him the situation he basically said I couldn't be running away,but he'd call crisis to get this checked out. I remember riding in the squad car back, and crying. I just didn't wanna go back. I waited outside the squad car while he talked to my parents. When he came back over he said that my dad was the only one who would be open to getting me a new psychiatrist. He called crisis, he told me I didn't meet the criteria. I mean I'm pretty mentally stable as far as I want to get clean. Uhm, so I talked to my dad a bit. I then went inside as the officer asked. My mom and brother packed their shit, and left. My father talked to the cop for a good hour, and when I looked out the window it's like he was being checked. I didn't know what to do, so I just did the few chores that I knew wouldn't get done cause my brother was gone. Took a shower, and made sure to turn off the rgb to my pc. My gf had a feeling, and I didn't want to tempt it. Then I fell asleep. Plus I'm supposed to get a sim card aswell that I pay for, but the package disappeared, and my gf feels really bad about it. So that solves one problem of not being able to contact people, but now my mom is literally on my ass. She gave me a contract too, I told her I don't want anymore contracts. We got into an argument, and she called me a "narcissist" I said I am? So are you. Starting to look like your grandma there(my great great grandma was a narc and she was raised by her) I was angry, still am. Like now, my family wont talk to me, or even look at me, and worst of all? My mom basically is trying to make me fail cause I have a tendency to oversleep, and she wont even come wake me up, and take me to school so shes basically trying to make me fail, even though I know if she does that her ass is grass.I don't wanna sign these bogus contracts, I don't even want them to be my family anymore tbh, but idk if they're narcs, or im just the narc here. Cause idk...its a really messy situation. sooooo Help? Suggestions? Is this normal???

submitted by AdditionalAd6810 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:29 Spare_Investment1354 Best Teams for Every Map (winrate + strength of schedule)

Hello guys, just wanted to share with you guys something cool I was looking at!
Here are the best teams on every map, factoring in both win rate and strength of schedule. I created a weighted metric where I factored in both win%, and strength of schedule. In addition, I've included the wins, losses, and whether the team attacked or defended first in order to show who picked the maps.
I've also attached a visualization (although its a bit hard to read). What do you guys think? Any surprising stats?
btw, its only shows teams who have played 4 or more games on the map.
https://preview.redd.it/6cgwrxqbgv1d1.png?width=769&format=png&auto=webp&s=bf25d67c2d83ee1f3ebf885bf747821340aa1229
visualizations, although they are kinda hard to read
If you guys want to see this kinda stuff, I'll be posting cool insights weekly on my twitter, also in my bio (mods I can delete it if this is not allowed)

submitted by Spare_Investment1354 to ValorantCompetitive [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:29 Sad_Illustrator1813 Guys, who suffers from perfectionism?

I can't get my Sim to interact with the people of Sunset Valley. It breaks me every time I break the canon and marry my Sim with another canon character. (I don't understand how you guys capable to take Bella from Mortimer for example, i really feel uncomfortable when things don't sway canon)
I can’t force everyone to grow up because it breaks their image and special character, but to see how wholesome original clothes are changed to the “Late Night” addon, or to others that do not fit with Sunset Valley. I know that I can change them in cas, but it takes a long time and it’s not a fact that I’ll like my version. yes, I know that I can remove addons but I want them all in the game.
this fixation really prevents me from playing and enjoying the game, how can I deal with this?

submitted by Sad_Illustrator1813 to Sims3 [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:29 Bjornkott Help with indoor lightspeed

Hey! Just downloaded fallout 4 to my laptop, figured I would give it a replay in survival mode on the ship I work on. So I have to keep my laptop offline for now, and many of the pages that could have a solution is blocked on this wifi.
However when I started to play I realized the indoor speed was in some supersonic speed and not enjoyable to play.
I realized this had to do with the frame rates. I have seen that there are some mods, that I'm unable to download for a while. Is there any workaround that you guys know about? Like a console command that limits the FPS or something?
Edit: tried changing my refresh rate in Windows to 72 and 60, then the game won't start. Tried changing the FPS in Nvidia to 72, and game won't start.

submitted by Bjornkott to fo4 [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:29 Fair_Cry_2989 AITA for not telling my sister about where I got my money from?

I’m (24F) and the guy I’m currently seeing lent me some money out of generosity - nothing too crazy, it was only 100 dollars. I was extremely stupid and accidentally left the money on the table in an envelope. My sister (27F) found the money and started demanding to know how I got it. She said the envelope looked strange and asked why there was a drawing in it. She even told our parents. I feel extremely stressed and anxious now because she found it. My family is extremely judgmental about my dating and relationships. They pry into my life and judge me just for talking to boys. My sister already asks super invasive questions and accuses me of having STDs (I don’t have STDs.) But anyways, I don’t tell them much about my dating life for this reason. She looks extremely mad and accusatory right now and is demanding I tell her where I got the money from. AITA for refusing to be honest with her?

submitted by Fair_Cry_2989 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:26 Trigger35nometry Pain

My life has changed in the last six months for myself and my partner. At times, i do feel it's been longer, but i try to tell myself it's not. I love my partner with all my heart, and i think she's drifted away from me. Emotionally and physically. I do know lots of it has to do with me not being the best provider and supporter for my family the last five years due to an injury that set me and the whole family back. Even still, to this day, I struggle to keep food on the table. I'm almost done with school so that I can provide for my family. When i got injured, i felt lost as a person; the sense of providing was lost As my wages were gone. And providing would be harder. Being vital to my family was lost, and I felt empty as my strength was taken for a while. I lost sight of my family; they saw the ugly side of my anger. Never beat anyone; just argue. Still not right, i know. Over these five years, I've gotten better, i believe. Four years later, I'm retraining for new work cause of my injury. My wife’s mother and sister passed away several months from each other while i was in school. I know the passing took a toll on her. I didn't know how to help her. I didn't want to say the wrong words and see her cry. Well, as time progressed, she got better at dealing with the pain. I'm proud of her for that. I know it's been a struggle and a battle. Well, the reason that i feel this way I do now. It was because one day when I went through my partner's phone. (I don't care if she does the same to me, as I don't talk to anyone.) Anyway, I came across a deleted messages from her guy co-worker. It's nothing crazy, but I had lots of texting at work back and forth. I didn't want to keep scrolling up as my heart felt shattered. The co-worker gets more mgs and memes than i do in a day, and i think it's my fault for that happening. I never showed her physical attention. Now, she seeks that somewhere else. It’s been over a week since we argued about the messages, and I noticed that her Snapchat now goes off more. I've been with my partner for eight years and ten months, and I'm lost on what to do. She told me last time we argued she would never cheat on me and put it on our kids. How do i get that reinsurance? Should she give me that reinsurance that I need? She told me she would never cheat on me when together with me. And I do believe her. I just don't trust the guy. He’s married. Would you be mad if your husband texted back and forth with another lady during work? She told me he was an old friend from high school, so they switched over numbers when he got hired at her job. Am i overreacting? Should i worry? My heart is heavy.

submitted by Trigger35nometry to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:25 SaySomethingDontGo The Story I am Afraid Of

A story I might let go, or not. A story that would make you understand why I am who I am. If God think this is the way I can move forward from it, I will tell, I will send it, I will print it, I will let go of this fear, I will not hide and silenced anymore.
I want to have one last cry about this, I wanna move on now, I don't want this to kept haunting me anymore. I don't wanna kept coming back to this place. I want to actually heal this time.
I was abused. Back when I(Around 9 or below years old) was too young to know anything, I was sexually abused and manipulated. The twist is that those people started telling people about it, and making it looked like I want it and the one who started it, when I don't even know what is happening or what happened as a young boy. Like what is sex to me at that time? I don't know.
I was talked by my parents about it, I don't think I said anything, as I really don't know at that time what was happening, all I could remember is that I was stitting at our bedroom both of them infront of me, and they said "You should never do that again." In a calm way, maybe something the lines of it is wrong. And still, I don't know what was happening.
It got out into our whole barangay, I would hear the adults gossiping while I was playing at the street, heard it from older kids gossiping, confronted and bullied by it by other kids, even the close ones switched side as they found out. And the abusers? got multiplied. Like I have this sort of aura that, says they are allowed to do it. That even if I was told I should not be their, what can I do at that time? who can I run to? They already think it was my fault.
Oh God, you should've seen their eyes, while growing up, starting to realized what their words mean, what is sex, what it means to let others touch you and touch someone else. How they looked at me, while buying stuffs at a sari-sari store or playing outside, some of the kids at school who knew or heard it from someone else. (Or maybe it was myself, that exaggerate how they looked at me everytime they see me, and learning what happened meant).
School, yes, I don't wanna go to that place everyday. Only to find myself getting bullied or threathened by other kids who knew my story, but I can't really skip my school, my parents made sure that I finish it, and me not saying anything, a total silence everytime they asked why I don't wanna go (I know I really made it hard for them at this point, and I am really sorry and thankful for their hardship, just to make me finish school). So It became my goal before Hishschool, to enter a school that no one knew me, or near my home.
And I did it, I entered hishchool, and no one knew me from Elementary days. I thought it was gonna be okay at that point, but no. That is when the time you'll figure out who you are really attracted to, in which I know I am not normal anymore,and I already know at a young age that what I'll become is wrong, it was already been encoded to me before I understand it, before I become who I am, someone else is already encoded to me. And the past? it haunted me everyday, dreaded by the thought that maybe tomorrow someone will know all about me, and the whole school will know. That whatever I am building on highschool would crumble by my past.
So, yes, I tried, I tried to live up to that who I am that will be accepted. Got lost on it, I even really believed that the me that should be is wrong, no one is needed to say that to me anymore, I am already the one saying it to myself at this point. It got worse and worse, I made friends (I am very thankful to my hishchool classmates) and my family is okay about the me I am showing, but I am not really okay with it. Cause I know deep inside, that the one they love is not real, and this time it is not their fault, I am the only one making it, at this point.
I am still afraid of my past, I can't open up, I can't let anyone know, I don't wanna ruin what I have, hide, be silent, keep it inside... Everyday, was just like that, till I myself, neglected who I really am. I don't accept me, I can't change I tried, I can't accept this... A constant inside battles everyday and every sleepless nights...
Then I finished highschool, I have no plans what's next, I am really tired at this point, hopeless, I don't wanna continue anymore, I don't wanna interact with anyone anymore, I don't wanna build anything anymore, I just wanna be at my room, hide, get what little of this life could offer, at my room I don't have to pretend, I don't have to be so dishonest with anyone. Here, I can be anyone I want without hurting or pretending to anyone.
Again it got worse, I can't stay at that room forever. And I lost a lot of time there, years. I don't know what to do anymore, my parents yes, I made it too hard for them, I really made it way too much for them to understand me, as I don't say anything, I can't say anything, I fear the thought of them finding out, I was afraid to be abandoned, I was afraid they'll never accept me.
So I entered college, in ~~~. No one knew me, no one will ever know my past, far away from anyone who might know my story. I got close to my classmates, too close, that I myself told them what is my story. I slowly became who want to be, the mind in which I am not afraid cause they accepted me for who I am, and I am very thankful. But yes, it is still there, my behaviour, encoded at the back of my mind, still have that engraved on me, that I am still afraid with strangers, I still can't look in their eyes, afraid for someone else seeing me. I kept changing it, I kept improving myself, I kept supporting myself on the inside, and I made progress, I know. Then college days, ended.
Time to go home. Hopeful for the changes I made, for the progress I did that only me knows, yes, I can go to places now, alone. Thinking, I am looking forward to try this when I go back to my hometown, hopefully I might do it this time. Reality came, I went home. It's still there, I can't go pass our front door, its hard to be seen, still. The thought that I will go outside alone, still there, same people, same place, still there. Each day, no one knew, I tried to go out alone, but my feet won't let me do it, it's still there, I am still afraid or what, my hope seems like a candle that time that slowly, burned out. Then the same old me came back, Always in my room, Days, Weeks, Years passed again.
This time, I don't want it anymore really, I don't really want to continue anymore, each day thoughts of just going away, end this all would come. I tried once again, I went away my hometown again, one more try, another candle, let's light it up one more time...
But this time, I had to face strangers... This time I am really alone... Voices are still there, keeps getting louder and louder each day still no progress on myself, progress I did at college days seemed to have gone... "Oh God, I wanna end this, I don't see the point of doing all of this now, I want this to end now, I can't do it, I can't do it anymore... you know I tried but, I am tired of this now." days just went with that voice... There are days that I don't really feel safe anymore with myself.
Those days was the hard one, to feel not safe even to yourself, it was beyond painful. To be unsafe to the person you should be safe... It was different, like I am betraying myself, that even to myself I can't count on him. But I just kept convincing myself that there's no good to think of it that way. Til, I ended up writing this at the most hard moment of my life.
So why I am writing this? I used to not hate anyone. I just kept saying to myself that those people, I will let it to God what will happen to them. I grow up thinking I should never hate, cause hate is just too much to bare for so long, it will only hurt me more. So I kept saying to myself to let it all go, to let everythinf that hurts go, and I should just continue with what I need to do to myself. But at the moment I wanna end it all, it came to me... for the first time, it came to me...
WHY I should be the one to feel guilt and shame? WHY I should be the one to hide and silenced? WHY I should be the one afraid and suffering? WHY I should be the one crying and slowly dying? WHY I should be the one haunted and dreading? It came to me, NO! I can't end this life like this! I can't, for 29 years, NO, I can't end this life like this! NO! I CAN'T END THIS LIFE LIKE THIS!
I want to be an open book now, I wanna let this go and heal and move forward now. I want it to end haunting me. I won't let it again. But to those who love me, especially family, I really can't do it alone, for 29years I tried to do it alone, I can't. I am very sorry for lying who I am or not even saying anything or not opening up to this point. So I admit, I am GAY, and all the story I said here, is the side of my story of what happened, and I need help. I really need help, I can't do this two image of me anymore, alone. I don't wanna be afraid anymore of losing anyone just because I am not true to myself and anyone, I need help. So I wanna ask you, after all I have said, would you still accept me? would you be willing to support me on this? I need it as I can't do it alone, not anymore, I tried.
I wanna find reason why I am doing this now, cause if the one I love doesn't accept me anymore, I don't think I will be able to continue anymore. I can't run anymore, I lost track now why I am fighting alone, and I need you. Will you help me?

submitted by SaySomethingDontGo to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:22 DriverClassic8500 Finally resorting to being here.

Hi…this will be long. Heh, that’s what she said.
Well, I’ll start with where I am: Divorced, over my ex, barely see my son, 42, small group of friends, dating a divorced mom. My job is easy but boring. Live alone. Can’t have pets. That sums it up.
Eh, I screwed up pretty bad. I admitted to my gf I snooped on her devices because I thought something was going on. I was wrong. Betrayal trauma is some real shit. She’s giving me one last chance. But it came at a price having to rebuild that trust. She’s the sweetest thing. It hurts knowing what I did. I was married 16 years to a cheater and it warped me. I lost myself. The woman I did this to…I want her to be my wife.
My son is a good kid. So proud of him. My ex back in 2017 said she needed to leave for family reasons and we had major house repairs needed before we could sell. She left me there. Acting like that was normal. I missed over a year with my son. Contractor was backed up bad. I had my dog at least. And I was still able to take showers even if it was hose water. Lol you learn to take a hose shower in winter in under two minutes. In my down time I had nothing better to do than think about all the red flags my wife ever gave me and dig. Long story short I was shown a picture of her with another guy. Dude snuck his phone in our room.
The home got finished and sold. Moved. Tried fixing the marriage. Stupid mistake. Finally told her I wanted out and we both didn’t handle it like adults. She would joke and swipe men on apps while I was busy getting played by a married woman. How I fell. I’ll tell you folks right now…putting your integrity back together is easier said than done.
I don’t know why I’m here to experience all of this pain if I’m not strong enough or getting tired. I’m so tired. Don’t get me wrong I’m scared to end it. Life can be awesome and I look at people who have a great career, friends, family, marriage and I’m happy for them. I look at fathers who get to play catch with their son or teach him things, and feel awesome for that guy. I look at a marriage where two people don’t lie to each other and love each other unconditionally and think that’s amazing.
I don’t know what else to say. I’m tired and I don’t feel like doing this anymore.

submitted by DriverClassic8500 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:20 SunHeadPrime I Think I'm Being Stalked by A Smaller Version of Myself

The stress of the last six months has nearly killed me. Besides the general cratering of the outside world—political strife, climate change, inflated rents, corporate greed, and the baffling resurgence of crew socks—my internal life was falling apart, too. I'm at the point where I can't see a way out of the darkness, and that feeling has only grown in the last few days.
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.

submitted by SunHeadPrime to nosleep [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:19 jellyysoda 24 [F4R] Central Texas / Hello future bf!!

My name is Laura. I’m 24, 5’8, and from Austin Texas. Dating apps seem miserable so I’m on random subreddits, surely it won’t end in me being stalked and murdered, right? I want someone who’s ambitious, articulate, kind, considerate, and very communicative. I want someone that I can grow with and take on challenges, someone who I can have deep conversations with while maintaining a horrible, twisted sense of humor.
Here’s a pic of me, there’s more in my profile:
https://imgur.com/gallery/qQha09K
Some info about me:
I work from home for a small web dev firm as a project manager. I work remotely and I love it. I’m very close to my family, but I can’t have kids or even want them, just putting that out there. I drink sometimes but I don’t smoke and can’t stand smokers. I don’t really like pot but I don’t care if you smoke it. In general, I’m pretty straight to the point and prioritise communication in any relationship I’m in. I can’t stand passive aggressiveness or sarcastic remarks, I need to be direct. I strive to be more in tune with my emotions every day.
Heres some interests/hobbies!:
-Fitness is a BIG one. I like hiking, swimming, and lifting.
-Gaming, I mostly play PC
-Baking/Cooking, I do this a lot! I’m a huge foodie in general
-Drawing, crafts, being creative in general and having weird little projects to work on
-Traveling and road trips
-Music (I play bass)
-Reading (Currently reading Hyperworlds, Underworlds by Jason Louve)
-I think spirituality is neat, not in a crystal collecting astrology way but I like listening to guys like Alan Watts and Duncan Trussel.
-I love going to cafes and people watching, it’s so interesting
Feel free to message me if you think we’d get along and don’t just say “hey”. Also please be 22-30 the 50 year olds who message me are so scary :(

submitted by jellyysoda to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:12 Regular_Gur_6940 I want to ask out someone at work but I don't know whether I should

I am 29 (M) and have worked at my current job for around 18 months. E (30F) works in one of our other offices mainly, but comes into mine once a week or so. We don't work closely together, we're in different departments, but my office doesn't have many people come in regularly so I know everyone who does.
Every time we talk it feels like there's banter, the conversation flows and it has gotten flirty multiple times. My work can get busy and stressful, but when she's around the pressure eases, and the day flies by, The best day of the week is when she comes down to my office.
If I'm honest with myself, I have developed a crush on her, and it's reached the point recently where I can't seem to get her out of my head.
The trouble is we don't spend much time together, so I don't actually know too much about her, and I worry that I'm building up a version of her in my head that is too different to the real person. Every time we do chat it feels like I'm talking to someone special, and she does seem to take a genuine interest in me when we do. I've been in situations before where women have liked me and I've been oblivious, and the vibes I get from E are the same vibes I had in those situations, which is why I think this could be a possibility. I just don't know if it's worth the risk.
I know the responses this will likely get. Either 'just ask her' or 'don't shit where you eat' and I understand both of those. They're what I'm going between too.
I guess I just worry that I'm reading too much into this. That she's just a nice, fun, happy person, and I'm applying that to our interactions because I'm not that. I'm trying to be, but I'm not.
For context, I am a lonely guy. My only significant relationship ended about a month before the Covid lockdowns started, so all of a sudden I was living alone as I couldn't leave my flat. I lost touch with older friends, struggled to make new ones, and ended up all alone. My family relationships have always been contentious so that was not a real option either. I took to the bottle, gained an ungodly amount of weight (maxed out at 120kg, back down to 105 now!), and focused on my work life to the point of working 12 hour days 6 days a week. At my worst, I even put myself in hospital in a misguided attempt at peace.
I started going back into the office every day after my second hospitalisation last year, and that's when E and I began to chat regularly. It felt like she saw me as a person, someone who might be worth talking to. It felt like I'd found someone who genuinely might enjoy my company, and it's been a long while since I've felt that.
The truth is, I know I'm kidding myself. She is funny, smart, effervescent, fun and absolutely gorgeous, while I look like a potato rolled in hair, have lost any social skill I used to have, and hide behind the worst jokes you'll hear. I know she's out of my league, I know I'm misreading signals, I know that she might not even actually enjoy talking to me. I just feel like if I don't ask her I'll regret it.
At the same time, I don't want to fuck anything up. I'm truly trying to focus on myself. It feels like I'm starting from scratch at 29, but I'm trying to do the right things. I'm losing some weight, I'm back in therapy, I'm trying with people. I'm failing more than succeeding but at least I'm trying again.
I just can't stop thinking about her, and I really don't know what to do. I worry if I ask her, I'll make both of our work lives difficult, which I don't want to do. It really wouldn't be fair on her to put her in that position either. Her role at the company requires knowing everyone, so maybe she's just 'performing' at work. It doesn't feel that way when we talk, or when we message privately, but maybe that's all it is.
Equally though, what I'm feeling is genuine. It's the first time I've felt this way in a decade, and it truly makes me feel giddy and excited like I haven't since my ex. I want to explore these feelings as they're the first positive emotions I've had in a long time.
I really do want to be happy, maybe she could help me get there. Should I ask her?

submitted by Regular_Gur_6940 to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2024.05.22 02:10 dippity_dip26 Friends to Lovers - A Polin Guide

Hi! I feel like a lot of the discourse about people not liking this season is in part due to people not really understanding what friends to lovers is, specifically the trope as it applies to Colin and Penelope, so I thought I might share my thoughts :)
Now I haven’t read the books - this is all based on what I gleaned from the show on multiple rewatches and as someone who has been the Penelope in a friendship for a longggg long time. Hopefully this makes sense.
Romance tropes can often boiled down to their immediate, basic truths. The popular enemies to lovers, for example: Enemy 1 + Enemy 2 + sexual tension = Lover 1 and Lover 2. Not to say enemies to lovers can’t be complex, but generally the starting point for enemies is an essential lack of trust between the parties and moments of connection (via fights) fueled by intense feelings of hatred/rage/whatever which can, in turn, translate to sexual tension. Due to the lack of trust, when they do get together it’s an explosion of that intense energy, highlighted even more-so by the knowledge that they don’t truly trust each other but they need each other which makes the heart race all the more and the passion all that more explosive.
Let’s look at Kate and Anthony as this trope. When they meet there is an immediate spark, fueled by a race in which they’re in competition. Once she hears him at the ball she decides she will do everything in her power to stop him from marrying her sister, and since he is determined to marry Edwina every interaction they have from that point on, until they have their happily ever after in the last episode, can be considered a fight. Moments like the bane of my existence and you vex me are such high intensity because it’s two people fueled by anger and sexual/romantic tension. They need each other like air but will do everything to fight it because of the anger, making the onscreen affections super intense for the viewer (especially as viewers who have just been introduced to Kate and are getting to know her through the lens of Anthony).
Now friends to lovers is, if I may say, quite a bit more complicated. A basic boiled down is Friend 1 + Friend 2 + romance/sexual tension = Lovers. But all friendships are different - if you’re new friends your pipeline to lovers is likely entirely different than old friends to lovers. If one party is in love with the other that changes the dynamic entirely; are they long distance or close? Were they childhood friends? Are they both likeable and popular or is one more nerdy and quiet or both? Do they know each other’s families? Are they best friends or just friends? All of these and more create new dynamics and emotions that can lead to love in different ways. My point is that friends to lovers is not as easy to pin down as something like enemies to lovers. So that’s why a couple like Polin may seem like they don’t have as much chemistry on screen - because their intensity shines in a different way than what we’re used to in Bridgerton.
Going into season three we know that Penelope has been in love with Colin for a long time, but during that time the two also formed a close friendship. When Colin proposed to Marina, yes Penelope whistledowned about the pregnancy to stop him from marrying her for love reasons, but also because he is her friend and she didn’t want to see him trapped in a loveless marriage. We also know that when Colin traveled between seasons one and two Penelope most often responded to his letters. Even during a scene in season two Pen specifically asks to hear more about his travels, even though everyone else in Colin’s life had asked him to stop talking about it. Pen’s crush and friendship don’t cancel each other out, they exist side by side as two parts of Penelope that often overlap but are most importantly separate entities. And she knows that.
Colin does not. In season three when Colin is talking about when they first met, Penelope looks away with anxiety when Colin suggests he knows why Penelope was so forward in making fun of him for falling off his horse and starting their friendship. She knows it’s because she had a crush on him. He states that it was because they were kids. This means it’s canon that Penelope had a crush on him since the moment they met. As a result, Colin has never experienced a friendship with Pen that doesn’t also have an underlying crush. He doesn’t know that Pen doesn’t respond to everyone’s letters all the time, or hangs onto their every word, or goes out of her way to talk to them. How Pen acts around him is how he assumes she acts around everyone - that’s why he doesn’t pick up on her crush.
It’s also why, I argue, he doesn’t realize that he loves her until the kiss in season three. He truly and genuinely takes her affections, her friendship, for granted because he doesn’t understand that someone so loyal and loving like that is rare. He doesn’t appear to have much else in the way of friends; outside of his family we don’t really see him interact with other men, and in season three the “friends” he does spend time with make comments to suggest they only started hanging out with him after his personality change to be more like his brothers - a rake who doesn’t care much for real affections. It’s why he said he would never court Penelope Featherington, or why he said “You are Pen, you do not count” when asked why he was still talking to her if he swore off women. He was super young when his dad died, so the only male role models he has for what love means are Anthony and Benedict. So, as he understands it, a man courting a woman is about sleeping around until the man finds a suitable match that pleases the family regardless of the man’s happiness. Even though he saw that Anthony fell in love by the time Colin said he would never court Pen, he didn’t see Anthony’s journey to understanding that love is not something to run from but something to cherish like we, the viewers, did. Anthony’s arc was just background noise for Colin, so it wasn’t like that would change his outlook on what Anthony’s actions in season one and beginning of season two loudly called out: choosing love over meaningless sex is idiotic and weak. It is explained in a letter that the reason Colin decided to try being like his brothers is BECAUSE Penelope stopped responding to him during his travels between seasons two and three. He decided to start guarding his heart, throwing on the rakish armor we see him dawn in the first half of season three, because he didn’t have that relationship that made him feel stable and loved anymore.
This is why Colin is genuinely distressed when Penelope walks away from him at the garden party in the first episode of season three, and why he went after her to explain that he missed her. He loves his relationship with her, not understanding that what he feels is actually love for her because he has never been aware that true love feels the way it does when he is with Pen. He sees Penelope as his best friendship, rather than the love of his life, because he literally can’t see it any other way based on how everything in his life played out to that point.
———
Okay this is way longer than I intended this to be already, but to finally make it to my main point! The Friends to Lovers trope as it plays out in Season Three Part One: Polin Do Be Polining.
What does all this mean for how Polin’s intensity shines as a couple? Due to the way their friendship has played out things like Colin taking Pen to the dance floor (not small social feat btw) in season one when Cressida bullies her, seeking each other out at social events, Pen asking about his travels - all of these are part of their relationship! It’s all part of the slow burn; it’s just less slap-you-in-the-face noticeable, to a viewer of a show about specified romance, as Kate and Anthony and even Simon and Daphne because acting like friends is an implicit part of Polin’s love story. Because they are best friends as well as eventually lovers!!
This is in full display in Season three, though put more on blast since it’s their season to get together. Colin saying he’ll teach Penelope how to get a husband isn’t a pity thing, it’s a real moment of genuine care that Colin is extending towards her.
—— “Pen wants to get a husband to be happy? Great! I’ll help to make her happy because her happiness means everything to me. Because I am her friend. Duh :)” - top ten photos taken ten seconds before disaster. ——
And it works! They start spending all this time together, and Pen has always looked gorgeous but is finally wearing clothes that she feels gorgeous in and you can see it in the way she acts, and suddenly Colin’s heart starts doing all these weird jumps around her like when she’s in the drawing room and when she wraps his hand because he has always loved her, so he doesn’t understand what these feelings that are coming up during these scenes are because they are not new feelings, just more intense ones of what he believes is pure friendship.
Penelope, on the other hand, has had her brain decide to give up on Colin Bridgerton (even though her heart hasn’t). As someone who’s been there, being in unrequited love with your friend is brutal but you can never really let go. No matter how many people they date, or the hours you spend together talking about their new crush, or the life moments share together where they do everything but love you there is always that small spark of hope in your chest that you can’t let go of lest they ever possibly realize they love you back. That chance is too precious to give up - that’s why Penelope can’t give Debling a real answer when he asks her if she would like to be with Colin in episode four. Logically she knows she should give it up but her heart just can’t. She is a hopeless romantic and her life has been spinning around Colin Bridgerton since she was 16 like the earth around the Sun. There is no other way to live, for her, if she isn’t in love with Colin. And that’s what breaks her heart the most.
It’s also why, I believe, she asks him to kiss her in that garden. She had just written about herself in Whistledown that she did the upmost embarrassing act of taking Colin’s assistance on the marriage market, and her mother dressed her down about being a spinster for the rest of her life. All of Pen’s plans, of marrying and getting out, are utterly gone for her in that moment when she goes out to the garden. She doesn’t have her prospects. She doesn’t have Eloise. She doesn’t have safety in her own home. The only thing she has left is Colin. That’s why she asks him to kiss her, because he might grant her this one kindness of making her feel alive for just this one moment before the rest of her life ends. That moment is the culmination of all of her feelings up to that point in the show. She’s given up on Colin - she wouldn’t have asked him to kiss her had she any hope left. This was her last ditch attempt to just be a girl and be kissed regardless of what he actually meant to her. It wasn’t out of desperation, it was staring down the barrel of the gun with societies’s finger on the trigger.
When she asks him Colin is taken aback. Not because he doesn’t want to kiss her but because he has never considered it before. Kissing was reserved for women you are looking to sleep with at a bar, for prostitutes in alleyways, not for his caring Pen. I’ve seen some upset over not including more of Colin’s writing in the show, as he becomes quite the writer in the books apparently, and the writing we do see is just about sex but given the way they paced the show they provided the most important piece of context for Colin’s understanding of intimacy in the writing they did use. He wonders how one can feel, despite sleeping with every kind of woman across Europe, such intimacy in physical closeness and yet such distance emotionally. It’s some level of satisfying for him to sleep around, but it doesn’t fulfill him in the way it seemed to fulfill his brothers. He cannot equate the idea of kissing to Penelope because he feels such emotional closeness to her. But when she brings it up, suddenly everything clicks into place for him. All the emotions he feels towards her, what he thought was just friendship, is so much more. Yes she is his friend, but by god he wants to kiss his friend; not out of the need to search for something but of the overwhelming feeling of going home.
Their kiss is sweet, and soft. Unlike Daphne and Anthony’s first kisses with their respective partners it isn’t this immense clashing of bodies and teeth. It’s two friends who love each other finally meeting each other as sparks fly.
———
Colin is left speechless, and confused. The kiss was amazing to him because he finally unlocked that part of him that made him realize he was in love with Penelope. The kiss was amazing to Penelope because she has been in love with him for so long, but it was also tinged with her own doubts and feelings of hopelessness. That’s why she runs away, and thanks him, because this was her last stand and he was just her friend helping her out as she believes.
But as always, a night of sleep helps clarify things. The next time Pen goes into society she is awkward but still well intentioned about getting a husband because that kiss was a long day’s worth of self pity followed by, in her terms, a moment of weakness. But it clarified things for her too. Now she can’t die without ever having been kissed, so that ultimatum she set up in her own mind was gone and everything seems much more manageable from that point on. Colin, as we know, is a wreck who is absolutely bamboozled at these feelings and we love to watch him flounder!!!
———
Now the tables have been turned. To those of who are think Penelope should have chosen Debling, this part is for you. This is when Debling really starts to court Penelope as she goes after him. She literally fights Cressida for him, because he seems like the most amenable husband for her to be able to continue Whistledown and be provided security. She isn’t looking for love in Debling because she already has love in Colin (love she believes will always remain unrequited, but that kiss can be a memory she cherishes for the rest of her life and that be that); she basically did what Anthony did at the beginning of season two. Find a suitable match that makes the most sense for her and leave searching for a love match out of it. She likes Debling, for sure, and he’s a rly nice guy!! He cares about her in a way that a suitor might, and I’m certain had they gotten married he wouldn’t have been mean to her or anything. But she would’ve been lonely. As remembered she is a romantic, someone who craves the love she reads about in her romance books. She’s spent most of her conscious life in love - marrying Debling would stop that in its tracks. In his own words, Debling tells Pen that he could try to maybe love her but that it was far too unlikely to find any room in his heart her for over his passions (aroace Debling stand rise). He specifically mentions that he is choosing her to marry because she has her own passions, separate from his, that can keep her company while he is gone both physically and emotionally from her. She doesn’t realize this until it’s too late, when her focus on the chase is over, and Debling asks her mother for her hand. It’s only then that she thinks that maybe she could hold out for love, and that power is strong enough to make her actively not want to ensure her security through Debling.
Love is treacherous, and yet we yearn for it like a sailor who cannot help but smile at the beauty of the raging sea at it comes crashing down upon him. Penelope would rather a thousand lifetimes of the chance to be in love with Colin over one lifetime married to Debling in safety.
That is why Debling breaks it off with her. Because she loves Colin, Debling knows she would choose Colin over him, and he sees Colin’s interest in her even if she does not. Like girl…. Colin literally found out she was going to get engaged, ran to the ball, interrupted the dance wherein Debling was going to ask Pen to marry him, ran after her carriage just to know if she was engaged because he couldn’t fathom letting her get away in a loveless marriage, and when finding out she was not engaged telling her he loved her even if she did not love him back because he simply had to express to her how much he loved her as he owed her that as his friend. Colin got in his knees in that carriage because he was genuinely splaying out his heart to her for her to dissect as she chose. He put himself at her mercy because that is where he believes his place to be - hers.
———
The carriage scene is, of course, the moment of highest intensity from the viewer standpoint of what we think love should appear to be. Other scenes could be Colin’s dream, and the moment in the sweets tent, etc. But those moments aren’t all of Polin’s love story. They may be the most visceral to witness, but they are just as important as the two of them laughing together in the corner of a ballroom. Their romantic trope is defined as Friends to Lovers, but that isn’t quite right - they are both. There is no big “or” between the two. Colin and Penelope are friends and lovers, and all of it is a beauty to witness.
Okay that’s it! If you’ve made it this far thanks for sticking around to hear my obsessive little thoughts. I wish you a very happy Bridgerton rewatch :)

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2024.05.22 02:08 Donald_Lekgwati How to approach building/purchasing a closed-system game?

TLDR: I'd like to incrementally build two sides, without becoming overstretched/unbalanced or getting half-way through the project and finding that stuff isn't coming back into stock. Can you suggest a 'roadmap' for doing this in a methodical, sensible way; whether it be committing to Marines+Auxillia Vs Marines+Auxillia or simply splitting my starter box into Marines Vs Auxilla ?
Text Wall:
Since getting back into warhammer (again) I've been overwhelmed with 'must-have' releases, despite committing to focusing on just a few areas.
I started out with the original Spacecrusade/AdvSC/TA, Adeptus Titanicus, Epic, and skirmish-sized games. In my last warhammer spell, these had been absent for a couple of decades (at least), but I had fun making up a turn-based skirmish (just as kill team was being first discussed) and I kit-based some genestealer cults guys out of Dark Vengeance cultists and stealer heads, printed and made space hulk boards out of foamcard, etc...
Fast forward to now (this previous year) and I find that Adeptus Titanicus had been re-released, an entire GSC range now existed, Kill Team is/was a proper game, Boarding Actions has existed, and Legions Imperialis was on the way...
It's been tough (and expensive) trying to get a hold of these things that I'd always been after, in the past, but didn't exist and so I'm currently trying to get at least enough items to have a playable, 'closed' version of each.
In Legions Imperialis terms, I'd like to have two playable sides (don't have to be huge) of Rhinos, LRs, Superheavies and some titans, at a minimum, to at least play a modest game with a friend/family.
I have the starter box squirelled-away, but need some advice on what some sensible purchases would be, so that I could incrementally build two sides and not be caught-out if it all suddenly went away!
I expect it would make sense to start by splitting the box, to get the two sides, rather than buying double and still being 'at the start'... I then thought about grabbing a copy of AT, for the cheap titans, (with the added bonus of it also being a playable boxed game), but after that, I'm not sure where to go?! I'm mindful of the titans and Knight boxes, but I'm seeing a lot of tank releases come and go...
Is it best to identify equivalent types of 'formations/detachments' for each side and aim to build up by getting increments of those e.g. troops & transports wave, vehicle wave, flyer wave, etc? Would anyone know the best way to approach this, for balanced armies/games rather than just buying random stuff?
but also... will the game be around long enough that I can afford to double-up on the original armies, knowing I can eventually have Loyalist marines+auxillia vs Non-Loyalist marines+auxillia? ...and it'll be such a success, that in a couple of years, we're looking forward to the Epic-scale Mechanicum releases ;-)
https://preview.redd.it/rcymcv9ydv1d1.jpg?width=1049&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=14a58deefecd99172517564b8a4e9f6684aef8c7

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2024.05.22 02:07 Midnight_diary0525 33M and 28F - One sided crush… on a good friend… was I making up stories in my head?

He is a friend… He’s kind. He’s respectful. He is gentle. He’s soft with his words. He makes me feel safe and warm. He likes to have fun. He likes to travel. He loves his parents. He loves his family. I think he’s everything I want in someone. Minus the quiet and shy part but he’s definitely opening up in a fun and exciting way.. I met him through my sister and BIL. And we have been friends for 2 years now. They had originally wanted to introduce me to this guy but I said I wasn’t interested in getting to know anyone and from what they told me I had a hunch he would be someone who liked really pretty skinny slim petite girls. I wasn’t that. So they just introduced me to their whole friend group and we all just became friends. Our friends would casually joke about us being together when we all hung out as a group. Or if both of us were busy and couldn’t hang out with them at the same time they’d joke that we were secretly on a date etc. He never said much and just took it. I would brush it off as well not much thinking much of it since we were the only two singles ones… but There were times when I couldn’t tell if he was just being nice or if it was him showing me signs. But the more we all hung out the more I got to see what kind of person he was. I remember admitting to my BIL that I was kind of interested in getting to know him more now but I was really drunk when we had that convo and never brought it up again when I was sober cause I was embarrassed. He was supportive though and said I was a really good person and he thought we matched really well. The first time I admitted to myself that I probably really liked him, I was really hurt. i never confessed to him or anything like that but i just came to a realization… It took me so many years to finally love myself and appreciate every stage of who I am where I am and what I look like… but I realized I must have really really liked this guy cause I tried so hard to change who I was to see if he would like me or give me a sign. I tried working out to become skinny and I went out of my way to always hangout with this friend group. Our friend group was scheduled to go on a trip together. I told myself I’d see how the trip goes and really feel him out to see if he was interested… I thought I mentally prepared myself well enough but I guess I didn’t. On this trip I had mentioned a different girl friend that I wanted to meet up with with our friend group. I don’t remember how we got into this convo but I ended up showing him a picture and his face lit up. She’s a really beautiful girl who’s fit. He wanted to meet her too. So the next day my friend group met up with my other girl friend and her friend. This girl friend of mine knew about my lole for this guy so she was never interested.. I could instantly tell the shift in his body language. Keep in mind he’s a really quiet and reserved guy. But I could see the way he would watch out for her. Like her bottle fell and from across the friend group he told her she dropped her bottle. Little shifts like that in his attitude that made me realize what he was like if he was interested in someone… any way fast forward we started walking around and at one point my girl friend’s friend(who I just met that day as well) randomly asked him if he liked me. I was right in front of them. But I heard. With no hesitation in his voice he said no she’s like my sister… my heart fell to my stomach… the first time in 6+ years after my last relationship that I was allowing myself to like someone again and I got sister-zoned… if I’m being honest it really hurt my self esteem. I worked so hard to really love myself and I felt like I was a good person who was funny and kind and selfless and giving and family oriented(I’m not just trying to boost my ego lol almost all the people In my life has said these to me before) but the first person I allow myself to like in so long has no interest in me. All the little clues I got were stories I made up in my head. I prided myself on being good at reading people.. but it was really all in my head… anyway I just pretended like I didn’t hear anything and continued with where I was going. I realized then that he was just nice to me not interested in me. After that trip he started talking more to the friend group about the girls he had asked out on dates and the kind of girls he liked and how his dates went. Then I really realized I prob was just like a sister to him. And he’s was just like any other guy.. the ones who likes pretty skinny girls. He would talk to girls that weren’t the best people but they were really pretty and skinny. After that I tried to stop myself from continuing to like him so I distanced myself from the friend group. Just a little bit. But I also started a new job so that also prevented me from seeing them too often. I noticed myself think about him less and being less effected by his dating life. I felt good again. Just really focused on myself and reminded myself to stay true to who I am so I can attract my person to me. But just this past weekend… we went on a trip together again. I really thought I was good! He really has just been feeling like a friend. But this trip was only my sister and BIL and him and I. Everything seems to be going great I played wing woman for him and helped him meet girls! But I think I realize.. I really do like him. Like I like him probably a lot more than I thought. Yes I played his wing woman and I wasn’t very jealous or anything like that.. I know i was hella cute on this trip and I know I’m a good person. But the whole time I when he was talking to girls.. I didn’t wish to be them.. I just wished he’d see me. I introduced those girls to him to see if he would choose me.. even with a married girl with 3 kids who says she’s in an open relationship and who is older than him he didn’t choose me. We got into a deep conversation about his last super toxic relationship and about the kind of woman he wants. He named everything I am(traits about myself that others have said about me not just what I think about myself). I kept listening and realized the only thing that prob would make me not fit to be his ideal woman is because I’m a bigger girl. Anyway I guess moral of the story is that I just really like this guy who prob doesn’t see me anymore than a sister. And I can’t help it that I’m not the one he’s unwilling to choose. I just have to stay true to who I am. And I will naturally attract my person to me.
Also I don’t think I am delusional and obsessive. I have kept a good distance and I have never crossed any boundaries of friendship. I just had a lot of people we know question why we weren’t together and many people always said they thought we are a good match.. but I’m just not the one he is choosing to have. And maybe it’s time I accept that.
What do you guys think? Idk what kind of validation or answers I’m looking for I think I just want to share my pain and heartbreak as 28 year old who will prob stay single Forever because this one sided like was Kind of painful. lol

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2024.05.22 02:06 Icy_Application_2593 Struggling

A few days back I found out that this guy who played so many women lol got married and basically was on apps two months prior to his wedding.. cheating on the girl.
idk how some people like this have it easy? I’m so exhausted in my search for a spouse I’m a 32 year old woman and wallahi brothers and sisters I feel sad. I don’t have much to complain about Allah has given me so much but I feel lonely and before you tell me learn how to be happy by yourself trust me. I have mastered that too I’ve lived by myself for 10 years and had to learn to enjoy my own company.
My friends are married and I’ve tried everything. Meeting people through friends, apps, fam, relatives you name it.. lol I questioned if I’m like ugly but honestly I’ve been always told I’m pretty and fit and I love myself AH. I work on my personality too I try to be better. Allah has saved me from to potentially bad proposals and I am grateful for that but idk how to find someone.. I’m not desperate lol I would have been married otherwise. But like does anyone get what I’m trying to say? I am educated but was never like obsessed with having a career I always dreamed of having a small beautiful family of my own.
Any sisters in their 30s that went through something similar? Any brothers that went through similar hardships?

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